#also i will drop my hc that leon's mom is a nurse/doctor

[desertsportshipping]

Shades

I know I suggested the same drabble but from Leon's POV as a hypothetical, but then I wrote it in a blind sweat in the middle of the night. It's crazy to put these two side by side and see how unreliable these narrators are.

Companion piece to this story.

Triggers warning: Drugs, discussion of past situations where drugs and sex is mixed in bad ways, self victim blaming, Orre's fucked up views of consent, implied prostitution and self harm. Everything but the drugs is past tense and only discussed. Dead dove: do not eat.

Leon clung to Sparky, feeling the wind whip through his hair as they soared through the sky. The moon was full and shining, illuminating the Wild Area beneath them.

Normally flying with Charizard was exciting, never failing to fill him with joy. But all he could feel was the gnawing pit in his stomach, his sole focus was finding Wes.

"You can do whatever you want to me. I don't mind."

He had pretended to believe Wes when he said that whatever drug was mixed in that drink wouldn't affect him. But when they had left the club, alone in an alleyway, and Wes had said some very concerning shit- his boyfriend panicked and fled like a cornered Deerling. Leon was left alone and reeling, mind trying to connect an incomplete puzzle, absolutely terrified for what it could mean.

After that, the only thought on his mind was finding Wes and making sure he was safe.

Unfortunately, his lack of directions was coming to bite him in the ass. He could swear that they've been flying around the same hilltops for several minutes now, and Sparky's sense of direction wasn't much better than his.

"Skarm!"

Leon's head whipped around at the cry. Wes's Skarmory had flown up to them, and that Pokemon was almost always at his side.

"Sparky, follow Skarmory!"

"Zard!"

In what felt like forever, but was realistically only a few moments, they were descending to the crumbling watchtower. As soon as Charizard had landed, Leon was scrambling off, kneeling next to his boyfriend.

Wes was sprawled out on his back, gaze fixed up at the sky. As he looked closer, he noticed the blood starting to gather alongside the white powder underneath his nose, and how unfocused and out of it Wes looked.

Leon reached out, gently brushing Wes’s bangs out of his eyes. His heart clenched at how uncharacteristically dazed and almost lifeless his boyfriend looked. If it wasn't for the warmth under Leon's fingers and the slight rise and fall of Wes’s chest, he'd think the man was dead.

"Hon..."

After a few moments where the only response he got were slow blinks, Leon made the executive decision to pick Wes up. He carefully put his arms underneath Wes, lifting him up almost effortlessly into his lap. The position certainly wasn't comfortable for Wes, but when he wrapped his arms around Wes, he could rest one hand on the side of his neck to feel his pulse.

46 bpm. Way below normal for Wes, but not dangerous. He's a little cold, but he's also been out in the open for Arceus knows how long and he's a little cold blooded.

The knowledge that his boyfriend was safe and in his arms released some of the tension in his body. While Wes was the opposite of healthy, he didn't immediately need to be rushed to the hospital.

One of these days Leon was going to convince him to see a doctor, but not right now.

Wes was also relaxing in his arms. His head was pressed right next to Leon's heart. He didn't know if it was Leon's heartbeat (which was running fast due to feeling like he'd run a marathon at full sprint in the past two hours) or the act of being held, but Wes was relaxing.

It scared Leon how limp and pliant he was in his arms.

"Love, what did you do?"

"Took some coke to forget. Sorry."

Leon sighed, unsurprised but not any less worried, pulling out the cheap napkin he nabbed from the club. Mindful of how raw the area was, he gently dabbed the blood and coke from Wes’s nose, trying not to hurt him.

"You need to talk to me, hon," Leon muttered, gently shifting Wes in his lap so that he would be more comfortable. He also made sure to press Wes's chest against his: he knew he naturally ran warm, and he wanted to warm Wes up.

Once he was done, he gently pressed a kiss to his Love's forehead, carefully wiping away the tears gathering in his eyes. He could feel the knife twisting in his heart at the sight, but this was something he needed to do. He needed to know, no matter how much it hurt.

"I- I can't."

"Love, please." Leon was begging, eyes burning as he was holding back tears. "I want to help, but I need you to talk to me."

"I don't want to remember."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but I need to know. I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't mind. You can hurt me. Probably won't remember anyways."

If he felt like a knife was being twisted in his heart before, he just got stabbed in the chest. He couldn't stop the tears from falling, just barely biting his lip to keep himself from sobbing.

He felt Wes shift in his arms, leaning forwards and essentially face planting on his neck. His boyfriend was the one who needed him, yet he was trying to comfort Leon. The attempted kiss was enough for him to get a hold of his emotions again.

This isn't about you. Get a grip, Champ.

He reached up, trying to wipe away tears but mostly just smearing his face. Ever so gently, he coaxed Wes's face away from his neck, lifting him up and gently pressing a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead.

It was his way of saying both sorry and thank you.

"Hon, I love you so, so much. I know you don't want to remember, but you have to. I don't want what happened earlier to ever happen again, which means we need to be on the same footing."

He waited patiently for an answer. He promised a long time ago that he'd always stay by Wes's side, and that was truer now than it's ever been.

"Okay."

"Thank you." He moved his hand to gently cup his boyfriend's face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. "Earlier, when you said that... When you said that being drunk or high never mattered before..."

"It doesn't."

"It absolutely-" Leon was caught completely off guard, scrambling for a response. "You can't consent to sex when you're drunk, or high, or coerced."

Wes hummed. "I don't- I've never been sober for it. Never wanted to be."

"Never been- What do you mean, never wanted to be?"

"Sometimes after I agree to a trade, I take somethin' so that I don't remember."

"That's not..." Leon was grasping at straws, trying to explain how that was completely fucked up. "If you have to take drugs to cope with it then you didn’t consent- you didn't really say yes."

"Back home it didn't matter, it just mattered that you didn't say no."

The words hit Leon in the throat this time, and he couldn't hold back tears anymore. "That's not how that works! That's not how any of that works!"

"It's fine, Lee-"

"It's not! Nothing about this is okay!" He was searching, trying to grasp for a single good experience Wes has ever had. "Fucking hell. Have you ever had sex sober?"

"Sometimes. When I don't have time to take drugs first."

"Fuck that's not- Have you ever said yes, when you genuinely wanted to, and you were sober?"

Wes was the one to break eye contact, looking away from him. He didn't say anything: it's not like he needed to. The silence spoke for him.

Leon remembered how prostitution was listed as one of Wes's crimes on his wanted poster, even on the ones printed before he was 18. He remembered earlier, when they were getting handsy and Wes just stopped moving, his eyes going blank. He remembered how confused Wes looked when he backed off. He remembered the face of the boy on the wanted posted printed when Wes was 14.

Leon felt like he was going to puke. "Fucking hell-"

"You don' have to cry for me," Wes muttered. "I agreed to those deals. I got high with Cail knowing what would happen-"

"That doesn't- No, I'm not letting you blame yourself!"

"You should. I'm not worth it."

"I'm not worth it."

That was what broke him. His sweet, wonderful boyfriend- who has a bond with every Pokemon he meets unlike anything he's ever seen before, who fought an entire region to protect his Espeon and Umbreon, who pretends not to care despite the fact that Leon's caught him repeatedly sneaking them treats, who will cry every single time if a Pokemon dies in a movie, who pushed himself out of his comfort zone in order to give Leon a ferris wheel date even though he hated people- had been raped so often that he thought it was normal. And instead of rightfully blaming everyone who hurt him, he blamed himself. He thought he was worth so little that he thought Leon should blame him.

Leon clung to Wes as he broke down, sobbing into Wes’s shoulders. He couldn't pinpoint what exactly he was feeling: rage, grief, helplessness. It all blended together, and the only thing he could do was sob pathetically as he clung to Wes.

And then, in his arms, Wes started to cry too.

Unlike Leon's loud ugly cries, Wes was completely silent, instead shaking violently. He was still limp, but Leon could feel him jerking and spasming in his arms. Leon was still a slave to his own emotions, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop himself.

A small part of him thought they were grieving together.

Eventually, his body set him free. He felt completely drained of energy, but he muscled past the exhaustion to take care of Wes, properly holding him in his arms instead of clinging to him like a Teddiursa. He managed to muster up enough energy to rub Wes's back in a breathing pattern.

He never felt more helpless than knowing that his boyfriend was sobbing and that he could do nothing about it.

Eventually, after Arceus knows how long, Wes's sobs began to ebb. Tears were still running down his face, but he wasn't hyperventilating or shaking anymore.

For a few minutes, they sat in silence, with Leon continuing to rub Wes's back. He didn't know if it was for Wes’s sake or his.

"I'm sorry." Wes was so quiet that Leon almost missed it.

"Don't- Don't apologize. I'm sorry so many people hurt you."

"Lee..." Wes’s voice was raspy, and it sounded like it physically hurt to speak.

Leon leaned down to press a kiss to the top of Wes's head. There was something he remembered, something that Wes had asked him in that alleyway before he ran off.

"Earlier- You asked me what I wanted from you."

Wes hummed in response. He hesitated for a moment: it was selfish of Leon to ask this of him when he was under the influence of two different drugs. But even though he felt bad for taking advantage of Wes's high state, he needed the reassurance that his boyfriend was still going to be there the next morning.

"All I want is for you to get better. All I want is for you to be happy and healthy and safe. Can you promise me? Promise me you'll get better? No drinking, no drugs, none of this pushing to be hurt?"

"I can't promise safe. Lotta people want me dead."

"I know. I just don't want you to be one of them."

Leon waited with bated breath. He knew that after a lifetime of doing the exact opposite, asking Wes to take care of himself would go against everything he's known. But now that he's in Leon arms, he never wants to let Wes go, and he will fight everyone who will try to take the man away from him. Even if that's Wes himself.

Despite what Wes thinks, he deserves all of Leon's love, the world, and more. One day, Leon will make sure that Wes sees himself the way Leon sees him.

Wes's answer was so quiet that he almost missed it. "I'll try."

"That's all I ask." He knew he wasn't going to get a solid promise, but the knowledge that Wes was going to try to get better still soothed him.

"I can't- I can't do it on my own."

"I know. But you aren't on your own. You have Sonia, and Piers, and your friend from Unova. And I'll always be here."

"Always?"

"Always."

For the first time all night, Leon saw Wes’s eyes fall shut. Because he was going to keep him safe. "Thank you."

"I love you. Which means that I'll always be here."

Leon meant every single word. He'll stay by Wes's side forever. He'll always be there for whatever Wes needed from him. Leon's love was unconditional, and now that they were in each other's lives, there's nothing that will drive him away.

He knows that Wes is willing to lay down his life for him. He hopes that at some point, Wes will be willing to live for him. And he wishes that at some point, Wes will be able to live for himself.

But that's a battle he'll have to face tomorrow. Right now, they were both exhausted, and they needed rest.

As Leon looked up at the sky, he had an idea. He slowly leaned backwards until his back was on the ground, with Wes sprawled out atop him. While he adjusted both of them to be more comfortable, he turned his head to address Charizard.

"Sparky, can you go pick up Espeon and Umbreon?"

Wes sighed. "Should probably apologize to the bastards for leavin' em down there."

"You can do that tomorrow, love."

He winced. "Tomorrow's gonna suck ass."

Leon chuckled a little. "Yeah, probably. But I'll be here to help."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He watched Wes slowly succumb to sleep, his breathing evening out. Leon managed to wrangle the Pokemon so that Wes’s Espeon and Umbreon were cuddling them both and so that they were laying within Charizard's curled up form. Sensing that their trainer needed his sleep, Umbreon and Espeon didn't bother Wes, instead finding spots to curl up and snuggle.

After making sure everyone was comfortable, Leon turned his gaze up to the stars. He didn't often pray, but he prayed to Arceus to be kind to Wes. His Love deserved a good future, and he was determined to give it to him.

He drifted off with a selfish wish. I want to be able to show Wes what sex making love should truly feel like.