genuinely just OBSESSED with this hc that apple is a complete and utter MESS when it comes to her relationship with darling.
like it's such a funny contrast for the people who know her because this is Apple White; she is calm and polite and put together, and in all the years she dated daring, she was so fucking chill about everything.
daring dating other girls? didn't give a shit. everyone's wondering why they aren't affectionate in public? well, they're just teenagers they have forever after yk. when will they go steady? they have the rest of their destinies to worry about that.
you get my drift; apple does not give a single shit when it comes to this relationship because she is so in control of it. the actual 'relationship' aspect isn't really important to her and as such she's so composed in terms of her relationship with daring.
but throw DARLING in the picture and then there's apple running around like a headless chicken, being absolutely CLUELESS about what to do now that she actually has feelings for someone.
i'd like to have an entire episode of darling and apple going out on a date where there's basically a reverse situation of the dexven date ep where raven keeps trying to hype apple up and keep her calm while thinking 'dear god was i really like this???'
meanwhile, apple's hyperventilating over here just thinking about what to wear, what jewelry will match with her dress, if she's overdoing it or not, whether she should get darling a gift or something, what if she's overdressed or underdressed, and will darling like the food where they're going, and if darling even likes her at all the way she likes darling-
in the end raven grabs dexter and she says fuck this shit you and i are going undercover and tailing them, im too worried for this lesbian disaster.
dexter agrees because he's just come from helping rosabella hide all of darling's armor and assorted weaponry and they had both enlisted the help of the wonderlandians to make sure darling didn't have a breakdown every 3 seconds every time she realized she was actually going on a date with apple.
shenanigans are ensuing and rosabella and raven are getting the worst of it by this point, but they love apple and darling too much so they put up with it.
(whee finally posting the finished version of this piece! i originally designed it for a cd charm where you can rotate wolfwood like the gif but then i figured there should be a still version too where you can pretend everything is happy and nothing hurts :))
Pac: Why is she sad? My god, she's devastated! Guaxinim?
Guaxinim: I think she wanted...
Gris: I want 100 reais.
Pac: She wants 100– [Laughs] She's sad because she wants 100 reais?
Guaxinim: [Innocently] You don't have 100 reais, do you?
Pac: [Laughs] I have negative 100 reais, Guaxinim. Gris, I'm just like you! I'm sad too.
Guaxinim: [Whispering to Gris] Cancel the plan, cancel the plan, go back to normal.
Pac: What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait– [Laughs] No no no–
First rule of passa tudo: make sure your target has money before trying to scam them! 😅 (Thank you to sebbs12 and disfrutalakia for double-checking my translations and transcript! The help is really appreciated!)
[Full Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]
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Pac: [Gasps in delight] Oi, Guaxinim!
Guaxinim: Oi!
Pac: How cool it is to see you here! Oi Gris!
Guaxinim: Look, how cute.
Pac: How cute you and Gris are here!
Gris: oi :( I'm so sad.
Pac: Why is she sad?
Guaxinim: I don't know, man.
Pac: My god, she's devastated! Guaxinim?
Guaxinim: I think she wanted...
Gris: I want 100 reais.
Pac: She wants 100– [Laughs] She's sad because she wants 100 reais?
Guaxinim: [Innocently] You don't have 100 reais, do you?
Pac: [Laughs] I have negative 100 reais, Guaxinim. Gris, I'm just like you! I'm sad too.
Guaxinim: [Whispering to Gris] Cancel the plan, cancel the plan, go back to normal.
Pac: What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait– [Laughs] No no no–
Guaxinim: [Laughing]
Gris: kkkkkk
Pac: I can't believe what you're doing with poor Gris to get money!
Gris: bom dia tio Pac [Good morning Tio Pac]
Pac: Bom dia, bom dia. [Laughs] Seriously, how is a crazy plan like this going to work, huh? Insanity!
Guaxinim: [Dancing with Gris] Muahaha! Muahahaha! We're the most badass evil duo, got it?
Pac: How incredible, man. You guys are great, you're even in sync! Did you guys already get 100 reais?
i know that it's at partly just that i do not generally post when i ride, but fang duobing, bounciest boy on the screen at all times, posting incredibly dramatically, is very funny and charming to me. he really wakes up and is like 'fuck yeah, every day is leg day, work them thighs!'
like, sir. please. you're gonna die. how far are you riding. how can you possibly sustain that, you cannot, it is impossible. how will you walk when you get off that horse. your thighs will be of steel, by which i mean utterly incapable of moving.
youve heard of sex flowers get ready for the flower that makes you into a celestial shoujo herione complete with particle effects you cannot turn the fuck off and creates a wifebeam so powerful it can incapacitate and maim and keeps making you burst into tears and fall on your ass which makes the wifebeam More Powerful and you also cannot turn this off either.
and is also still, sort of, a sex flower
from one of my favorite fanfictions, Celestial Afterglow by elanor_pam, a fic that defies description in the best possible way
It's kind of funny that Kendall and Shiv are both equally delusional about their ability to charm people for business and somehow think they can do it even though they choke almost every single time, whereas it's like the one thing Roman is consistently good at despite being the "least legitimate" option.
I think part of this comes down to the fact that Shiv and Kendall both have very clear ideas of the versions of themselves they're trying to be and the images they're trying to project, and they're trying so hard to be seen that way that they end up coming off as a little desperate and off-putting. Meanwhile Roman "knows" that there's something wrong with him and he's worthless, so he doesn't get sucked into the trap of trying to force people to see his idea of himself and instead molds himself into whatever he thinks the other person wants from him because that's the only way he can compensate for "being him," which works very well in the short term but also means he's the least capable of maintaining any relationship for very long because he has no sense of self.