#also how they want that dumb bees thing to win

[fillthattank]

How about a friend who has a crush on a jock and encourages them into a hot dog eating contest by claiming the jock couldn't do it. The result is a massive belching jock that headlocks his friend and admits he did it for him. Afterword it's the massive jock stuffing his face before bed to give his now boyfriend a comfy place to lay?

James had a crush. A boy who liked another boy. Perfectly normal, the kind of thing that happened to everyone, right?

Of course, that guy he had fallen for had to be Zack. 

Zack, the big bulked up jock, with dark hair and masculine features, who always seemed in a good mood and made a challenge out of everything. Zack, the guy who only really interacted with James when he needed his math homework done. Sure, Zack seemed to like him for it, but Zack liked everyone.

Perfectly normal for his crush to be on the hot popular jock,  he guessed, but not exactly easy. At least, he wasn't the only one crushing on Zack, that was for sure.

"Hey J, what's up!"

James felt a big slap against his shoulder. Before he could turn his head, Zack had alreast bounced into the chair in front of him, the massive jock completely filling the chair. James had spend more time than he'd be willing to admit looking at Zack, and he still couldn't process just how big that guy was.

"Uh, not much. I've finished reading your math paper- had to correct a few things, but you're getting there."

"Awesome dude! You're a real one!"

Zack jumped back up, and pulled James into a big bro-hug. The massive jock's arms pressing against him. Warm and firm. So close, yet so far...

Zack let go of him, then dropped back into the chair.

"You going to the fair Saturday?" He asked.

"Maybe?" James said. That wasn't entirely wrong. James had been wanting to go and watch Zack have a go at all the dumb challenges there. James also worried that spending a whole day pining over a guy out of his league might have a negative effect on his well-being. "You going?"

"Of course! Someone's gotta win all the games," he boasted.

"You think you can win all of them?"

"Nah. I know I can."

"Even the hot dog eating contest?"

"Especially the hot dog eating contest."

"You'd lose, you know?" James teased.

"What? No way J," Zack said, looking extremely offended. He was so cute with that puppy dog look on his face. Especially in contrast with his massive body.

"Yeah Zack, you'd get crushed. You can't be the best at everything."

"Bro that's so untrue," Zack said, on such a serious tone Jay had to force himself not to laugh. "You know I eat so damn much each day. I'm the biggest eater on the team. I gotta fuel these bad boys!"

Zack flexed one of his massive arms. He looked so masculine yet at the time so adorable. James wanted to hug him, but unlike Zack, he didn't dare get so touchy.

"Yeah, but that's a real challenge we're talking about. The amount of food you'd need to win, I don't think your stomach could hold it all. 

"J, my stomach is huge, you know it!"

James sure did. He'd seen how much Zack could put down. He'd seen how bloated he was after meals. Seen him rub that big belly, looking so comfortably full.

"And it's not just belly capacity, it's speed to. I'm not sure you'd do well."

So of course, when saturday came, James found Zack lined up with the other contesters, at the hot dog eating stand. It was a hot sunny day, and Zack had put on a lose fitting tank top, that gave a good view of his beefy arms and a few glimpes at his big pecs.

There had to bee at least 30 contesters, probably closer to 40. Guys, girls, all ages, all shapes and sizes, with a few other jock types like him in the lot. Some just there to have a good time, others clearly out there to win. James could see Zack eyeing up the competition, and he could see them eyeing him up too.

After a quick speech from the announcer, the contest began. Zack was eating like a wild beast. Just shovelling hot dogs into his mouth, barely chewing them, sometimes taking two or three at a time.

Some of the other contestants were using techniques, swallowing their hot dogs efficiently. Clearly, they were out to win as well, and knew what they were doing. Zack was putting up a real fight though, even holding onto a small lead, but his lack of precision had a cost: Zack's belly was bloating much faster than the other contesters. He was swallowing plenty of air.

After 10 hot dogs, Zack's loose tank top was hanging over the round curve of his abs starting to bloat. And after 15, it was clear he had the biggest bloat. Which really said something, as there was a lot more room to fill in the huge jock's beefy body than in the other contestants.

James was both impressed by Zack's performance, a bit worried he might get hurt, and turned on. He knew the jock was very competitive, but this was somethow more intense than what he was expecting.

Over half the contestants had dropped out by now. Some gracefully, others... less so. Some guys were sitting back, nursing a painfully bloated belly, others trying to deflate their overloaded stomachs one way or another.

The contest had become a two man race now, between Zack and another guy called Ethan. Ethan was about the same age as Zack, the same height, and clearly an athlete too, though not the same kind. While Zack was huge and bulky, Ethan was sleek and lean. A runner, likely.

Despite being much more slender, Ethan's long torso gave plenty of room for his stomach to expand. Through his tight shirt, you could see his bloated belly, tracing the outline of his ribcage and making a regular curve. His shirt had lifted up, revealing a comletely flattened belly button.

Most importantly, Ethan was downing it all neatly. He had a technique, that clearly didn't have him swallowing much air at all.

The two jocks were tied at 30, now. Ethan being clean and efficient, Zack brute-forcing his way through.

30 became 35, which became 40. They were both going steady, as their bellies were getting freakishly bloated. A stomach that full had to hurt, even on a big guy like Zack. Ethan's bloat wasn't as big - less air in there, probably, and less muscle than Zack -, but was at least as terrifying, on his lithe frame. At this point he was basically a huge mass of hot dogs and water with a guy around it.

Every extra hotdog was a herculean effort, but they kept going. The crowd was cheering them both on, at this point. Mostly, they were in awe that anyone could eat that much and enjoying the show. James could tell a fair amount were rooting for Ethan, and he couldn't blame them for wanting to see the skinny guy out eat the big massive jock, but he was 200% on Zack's team.

He wanted him to win, but he was also thinking about the aftermath. How would Zack be feeling? What if he hurt himself, or made himself sick? James loved the idea of comforting Zack after overeating, rubbing his overloaded gut, but wasn't that a bit selfish of him? Was he really going to make Zack sick just for his own pleasure? Would Zack even want to be with him after the contest ?

The crowd let out a huge cheer as they both crossed 50 at the same point. Ethan's belly was completely bare by now, sweat pearling on the huge balloon, and Zack's gut was filling up his once loose tank top like it was a compression shirt. Less than half an hour ago, both these guys had flat stomachs, now they looked 12 months pregnant, of that was a thing.

James had seen Zack get very bloated many times, but he'd never seen him - or anyone get this big. Zack couldn't be doing this just for James, he thought. Sure, he'd coaxed him on a bit, but Zack was a competition obsessed jock with a big belly capacity. Maybe he'd even forgotten James had started this by now.

The crowd gasped, and fell silent, making James jolt. Ethan had frozen, his 54th hot dog still in his mouth. Very, very slowly, he moved a hand towards his enormous stomach. It was full. Not full in the normal sense, no, full in the "defying the laws of the human body" sense. Harder than concrete, packed and stretched so tight that he couldn't even swallow his own saliva, let alone a hot dog. No amount of competitive spirit could change that, it was physically impossible.

Ethan grabbed a piece of kitchen roll, to dispose of that last hot dog. Staying neat and clean right up until the end.

The announced walked up to Zack, who had continued eating, getting up to 57, and held up his hand. After staying silent, the crowd broke out in cheers, shouting his name. James liked to think he was the loudest.

Zack was beaming with pride. The joy of victory outweighing having more food than any belly was meant to hold inside him. The jock triumphantly flexed his huge arms, but didn't slap his belly as he usually did after a huge meal. He gave a short victory speech, and shook Ethan's hand. Ethan then sat backon a reclining chair near the stand, as his girlfriend pulled some lotion out of a bag and started rubbing his belly. This looked like something they were used to doing.

"So, did you think I'd win?"

James jumped. As the competition was winding down, Zack had walked up to him.

"Did you really think I couldn't do it?," he said. "Or were you just saying that to get me geared up?"

Zack was towering over James, not just in height but in bulk. He was standing about two feet from him, but his musclegut was so stuffed it was almost touching him.

Zack was trying to look scary and imposing. And James would have been frightened, if it weren't for that smile Zack was failing to hide.

"Because I know why I did it," he continued, swinging one of his massive arms around James shoulder and pulling him into a headlock. James could feel Zack's giant musclegut pushing against him. Like the tire of a truck, firm muscle pushed out by a gigantic stomach filled with food and air.

"I did it to make you proud," Zack said. "And I think it worked."

Neither of them initiated the kiss, it just happened. James wanted to say he couldn't believe it was happening, but right now, he did. It all made so much sense now, and he was very happy for it. He felt so at home, against his big jock's bulk.

"I did think you were going to win," James said, after breaking the kiss. "But you still impressed me. I'm really proud of you."

Zack opened his mouth to speak, but instead...

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRP

It was loud, and long. James could feel the pressure inside Zack's stomach drop. When it was done, they both laughed.

"Duuude, that was crazy," Zack said, pulling James in a bit closer now that his stomach wasn't as cose to bursting. "I'm not sure I've ever burped like that ?"

"You know, I will say, while I never doubted that you were going to win, I was a bit worried at how much air you were swallowing!" James said. "You know you were only supposed to eat the hot dogs, right?"

They both laughed.

"It just happened ! I just knew I was supposed to eat really fast. I mean, it worked, right?"

"It sure did," said James. He shifted a little to the side, and placed a hand on Zack's huge stomach, slowly rubbing it. The tank top which had been so loose less than an hour ago was now so tight it looked painted over his gut.

"I really wanna take it off," Zack explained, "but it's so tight I-"

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP

The next belch was somehow louder than the first, and way onger. Sam could feel his monster stomach deflate, as more of the air he'd swallowed was pushed out.

"How about now?" James said.

Zack gave it a go, bending around a bit, but it was still too tight. The sweat from the contest, the bloat, and the general heat had made the shirt sticky. Eventually, the jock ripped it off, making James laugh and fall for him like it was the first time.

"You look so good," James let out, now Zack was shirtless. "You look perfect."

Zack was. His extremely muscular build was on full display, and jutting out from inder his pecs was a huge firm gut. It was a sight, but it didn't look out of place. As if Zack's huge muscles were there to help carry the weight of his huge stomach. The only thing hotter than that belly on that body was knowing how and why he'd gotten so bloated.

"Hey now," Zack said, with a smirk. "You're not the only one here who likes someone."

He pulled him in for a hug, which turned into a kiss, and then another hug.

"How's that gut feeling?" James asked.

"Okay, now" Zack said. "Gonna be real, it was feeling really tight towards the end. Not too heavy, like the other times I've really stuffed myself, it was just so tight. Like, my stomach was just so bloated, but I've burped a lot of the g..."

On cue, another huge burp came out of the big jock. It went on, and on. By the end, Zack's stomach was sticking out a full 5 inches less than when he'd ended the contest.

"Wanna hear something crazy?" Zack said. Blushing a bit, but clearly knowing James was going to like what happened next. "Now that I've gotten all that air out of my stomach... I'm kinda hungry again?"

*

And boy was Zack hungry. They spent the rest of the afternoon at the fair, jumping from food stand to food stand. James didn't consider himself a particularly small eater, but even without having eaten anything so far, Zack still out-ate him 3 to 1. Sometimes Zack would order huge portions for both of them, and then "have" to finish James'.

Zack still wanted to participate in as many games as possible, even weighed down by a giant bloated stomach. Usually it got in the way, though he still managed to win the high strike. He let out another heavy burp after winning, which just made him hungrier.

That happened many times. Each time Zack's belly was starting to reach it's limit, he'd burp some more, and feel hungry again. They repeated the cycle a few times over, untill...

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaames I'm so stuffed," Zack said, falling back onto his bed. They'd stayed until near the end of the fair, and despite being already at his limit Zack had grabbed a bag of snacks to eat as they went to his place.

"For real?" James teased. The huge muscular jock was lying back, with a gigantic belly sticking up high, high into the air. Sticking out at a right angle from under his meaty pecs, curving as a perfect ball, down to his crotch. At the fair, he had looked so strong and masculine, carrying that big musclegut with ease, but now, weighed down by the massive volume of food inside him, he just looked so cute.

"For real. I think I need a belly rub," Zack said, with the biggest puppy dog look on his face. He was so perfect.

James pounced onto the bed, snuggled up against Zack, and kissed him as he started rubbing his belly.

[lovecolibri]

hi just wanted to say a big thank you for being positive and excited for s8 and the buddie of it all bc a lot of my dash has been doom and gloom since the trailer dropped 🫶🏻 i think you’re right! we might not get buddie in s8 but knowing the actors and writers are aware and support it is everything, i don’t think this is another supernatural situation (hopefully)

So sorry this is a couple days late! This is incredibly sweet, but also hilarious to me personally because I felt like I was being WAY less positive than everyone else about the season as a whole because I am a mustache hater to my CORE, and I thought the bees thing sounded like it could be dumb and just a distraction like the escaped zoo animals for season 5, and my worst case scenario was that it was actually going to turn in to a big cop storyline like season 5 instead of focusing on the firefam saving people from a big disaster like we used to get. AND OH, FUCKING LOOK 🙄🙄🙄

ANYWAY, I was being way less fun than everyone else, so I'm truly sorry for what your dash must have looked like if I was a beacon of positivity! As far as Buddie though like, I am trying not to get my hopes up too high (lying) because season 4 burned me HARD when I had convinced myself that tay kay being awful to Buck and flat out calling him "needy", especially after seeing Buck Begins and knowing how that would hurt him, was the show telling us she was not a good fit and I wasn't even concerned about them getting together! I was *shook* when they turned Eddie's shooting into a whole thing about her instead of the firefam and EDDIE. So like. I am not the best judge, although knowing that Tim WANTED to do something else and FOX shut it down, maybe I was more right about all that mess than the show gaslighted me into believing back then 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had to roll my eyes about tay kay for a whole fucking season and sit on that bottle of champagne I bought for BT bones for like, MONTHS. Over winter hiatus and everything! Because they drug that shit out for no reason all season to give Buck something to do. And that's not even touching what I had to survive with other shows (*cough cough* Roswell NM *cough*). So if I have to roll my eyes through BT 2: Return of the Plot Device To Give Buck Something To Do, I can. But I am absolutely gonna complain the whole time.

I think it's important to take the wins where we can and there's a lot to be happy about! Everything about BT has been the vague responses they give about every nothing relationship ever time. We are not fighting the showrunner OR the actors for this, it's a battle with the network, and we got bi Buck within 4 episodes of moving to ABC and the early renewal caused them to push storylines back knowing they had a whole season to do them. And honestly? Knowing they may not get another season? (especially if the opener is unsatisfying AGAIN??) I'm actually not pushing it out past season 8. I think we're getting something this season because they have no guarantees of renewal especially with the kind of budget the show requires, and they finally have a network that isn't holding them back. I'm all about managing expectations (I try very hard and fail a lot), but that means being open to good things too, and I think we're getting good things for Buddie.

[kaileedraws]

Chloe / Queen Bee Moodboards

Due to popular demand, Chloe’s moodboard is next! I also included Queen Bee’s moodboard — although Chloe has another miraculous that she uses first. I’m only going to be posting primary holders (because it will take too long to do them all) for now and Chloe is the primary user of the Bee! Don’t worry, Zoe gets another miraculous I didn’t leave her out. And you’ll find out which miraculous she has first very soon!

A little about Chloe

Chloe’s life is a competition, and she always has to be on top. What is she competing for? Attention.

Everyone wants to feel seen and have attention, but most people become nice and do things for others in order to feel gratified. Because of the constant insults and abandonment Chloe faced as a child, she satiates her craving for attention by any means possible. She causes chaos just to be seen by others — good or bad, as long as she has the spotlight.

Her biggest threat to receiving that attention is someone who used to be her best friend - Marinette Dupain-Chang. She doesn’t know what it is about the girl, but her positivity and kindness is simply just sickening — especially when she receives special praise for something nice she does. Maybe it’s because Chloe thinks it’s unfair that her kindness is recognized and hers wasn’t as a child, or maybe she just has an uncontrollable jealousy and rage against the girl. But to solve this she feels like the only way to “win” back that attention is to take it from Marinette — If she can have Marinette’s attention, then she wins.

Chloe used to feel strong positive emotions, but she’s suppressed them. When she was younger, she used to want to be an actress like Adrien’s mother — she knew she would be good at it because she acts like a dumb, ditsy blonde every day to manipulate her teachers and the general public. But now? All she feels is hate and jealousy for those around her. Everyone except for Adrien of course.

Lately though, since she and her mother have moved back from New York, her life has been an absolute nightmare. Slowly, she feels like she is losing control over the attention of others and it’s causing her to spiral. She deserves to be loved by everyone, right? So who the hell is this Ladybug and why is she stealing her spotlight? How can she win the attention of this new opponent?

————

Okay I wrote a lot more and accident wrote an autobiography of Chloe’s backstory so I’ll have to release that later with more fine-tuning and a cute character sheet! Why am I finding that I’m suddenly relating to Chloe’s emotions/behavior rationale with this? Fuck, I think I dodged a villain arc 💀 Or have I? 😈 Lmao

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (66)

*Are those our new friends?* Read [this] first.

Coryo: Clemmie, please stay.🥺

Clemensia: No! I want to go home-

Felix: Bestie, they haven’t served us the lobster yet. So I insist that you must stay.

Sejanus: For the lobster!

Diana: Mr. Lobster!

Clemensia:. . .

Diana: Pretty please.🥺🙏

Clemensia: I- I do like lobster.

Coryo: You can have the first bite.

Clemensia: Fine! But no more funny business. *side eyes Casca*

Drunk!Casca: That’s easy for you to say, Ms. Dove Goat.

Clemensia: It’s Dovecote.

Drunk!Casca: Dove Goat.

Clemensia: Whatever. Just don’t go arguing with old people-

Strabo: I’m not old.

Sejanus: Yes, you are.

Strabo: Strabo is sad now.

Drunk!Casca: Lol. Old-

Clemensia: Sir!

Drunk!Casca: But I have to win against that rock merchant-

Strabo: I sell guns, you drunk!

Drunk!Casca: I’m not drunk! I’m Casca!

Strabo: Drunk.

Sejanus: Pa, go away! You’re embarrassing me in front of my darling Coryo again!😫

Strabo: Little Snow doesn’t mind.

Coryo: I don’t mind.

Drunk!Casca: I mind.

Clemensia: Sir!

Drunk!Casca: Ugh. Fine! I’m here to tell you that there has been a change this year. One final assignment to prove your worth-

Festus: Are we having a dance-off competition?😀

Coryo: A singing contest!

Sejanus: Bake and Brawl!

Domitia: Dungeons and Dragons!

Livia: Love Island!

Pup: Please be Ninja Warriors!

Gaius: A stand up comedy show!

Persephone: Fear Factor!

Urban: Spelling Bee!

Hilarius: Singles Inferno!

Urban: Let’s do Project Runway instead!

Juno: I agree!

Io: Me too!

Drunk!Casca: What?! No! We are not doing those! This is the Reaping Ceremony! Not the fun and games party!

Felix: Let me guess, it’s a cooking competition, isn’t it?

Drunk!Casca: Heck, no! This is about the Hunger Games, you brats!

Livia: Boring!

Juno: Ew.

Felix: Sir, you do know that we don’t like watching the Hunger Games, right?

Drunk!Casca: I know. That’s why-

Florus: Think about my war traumas!

Coryo: Think about mine!

Persephone: Mine’s the worst!

Clemensia: No offense, but Monty takes the cake on this one.

Palmyra: I’m fine.☺️

Io: Monty-

Palmyra: I’m totally fine! Do you want a slice of my family’s pie?😀

Io: Ew. No.

Drunk!Casca: The important thing is that-

Coryo: No one likes the Hunger Games. Period.

Androcles: Yeah! Coryo’s right! Your Killer Kids Game sucks!

Drunk!Casca: That’s the point! No one watches the games!

Io: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Urban: Don’t look at me. I don’t care either way.

Drunk!Casca: Ugh! How should I explain this-

Festus: In simple terms. I’m dumb.

Apollo: I’m also not the sharpest tool in the shed. So-

Drunk!Casca: Each one of you brats will be assigned one Tribute.

Festus: So all of us will have a Tribute?

Drunk!Casca: Yes.

Lysistrata: Even Livia and Monty?!

Livia: Even me?!

Palmyra: I’m fine.🙂

Drunk!Casca: Unfortunately.

Coryo: What for?

Drunk!Casca: You will serve as their Mentors for the games-

Diana: Sir, can we befriend our Tributes?

Drunk!Casca: Why would you want to-

Gaius: That’s a good idea, Ring! Let’s all befriend our Tributes!

Felix: I do want a new friend.

Dennis: Or a business partner.😈

Lysistrata: I just hope that they won’t hate us for being a bunch of spoiled Capitol Nobles-

Clemensia: Lizzie, I’m pretty sure that they already despise us for being born Capitol.

Lysistrata: You’re right.😢

Felix: Bestie, don’t be sad. Just give them some vitamins-

Drunk!Casca: No! You’re going to be their Mentors and nothing else!

Felix: But-

Drunk!Casca: You are all forbidden to befriend your Tributes!

Diana: But I want a new friend!

Vipsania: I need a new gym brother!

Pup: I want to sleep.

Coryo: I still want to eat.

Livia: I need someone to carry my very expensive diamond encrusted handbag while I do my makeup and shopping!

Everyone:. . .

Palmyra: So who wants to eat raw meat?😀

Drunk!Casca: Ugh! Why are you brats acting so dumb and difficult?!

Festus: Because we are?

Urban: I’m not dumb. I’m just difficult.

Drunk!Casca:. . .

Felix: Sir, the Reaping Ceremony-

Drunk!Casca: As the reaping progresses live, I will allocate each District Tribute a Capitol Mentor-

Palmyra: That’s us!😀

Drunk!Casca: Unfortunately.

Palmyra: Yey!

Drunk!Casca: But behind the scenes, you brats must persuade them to perform for the cameras-

Persephone: Can we perform with them?

Vipsania: I want to perform too!

Hilarius: I can play the guitar.

Gaius: We can start a band!

Io: I can juggle.

Domitia: Jasper, you can’t juggle.

Io: I can-

Domitia: You can’t.

Io: Coryo, give me your plate.

Coryo: Sure-

Domitia: Coryo, don’t.

Io: Jasper is sad now.😢

Festus: But can my Tribute and I have an epic dance battle on stage?

Drunk!Casca: You can’t perform with your Tributes!

Festus: Why not?! The crowd would love it-

Drunk!Casca: Creed, please! You’re making me want to quit my job so bad right now!😩

Festus: Isn’t that a good thing?

Drunk!Casca: Ugh! Let’s just get this over with-

Coryo: How about a sing-off battle?

Drunk!Casca: Fine! Do whatever you want! I don’t care anymore.

Everyone: Yey!🥳

Drunk!Casca: But let me just make this clear-

Felix: Can we wear costumes?

Hilarius: I wanna wear a onesie.

Persephone: Are fursuits allowed?

Drunk!Casca: *sighs* You can wear whatever you want as long as it’s appropriate.

Hilarius: Can I wear-

Drunk!Casca: Short shorts are not allowed.

Hilarius: How about-

Drunk!Casca: Mini skirts are also not allowed.

Hilarius: My mom-

Drunk!Casca: Your mother is not allowed to help you.

Hilarius: My old man-

Drunk!Casca: Creepy Mr. Heavensbee Sr. is banned from attending the show. Period.

Hilarius: So I’m alone?

Drunk!Casca: You’re on your own, kid.

Hilarius: But-

Drunk!Casca: You always have been.

Coryo: Can we cheat to win?

Drunk!Casca: Sure. Why not. Just don��t tell Dr. Gaul.

Dr.Gaul: I’m still here-

Dennis: Nice! *evil laughs*

Drunk!Casca: But don’t forget, your role is to turn these children into spectacles-

Palmyra: Like us!😄

Drunk!Casca: Unfortunately.

Apollo: What’s the prize?

Florus: Is it worth it?

Coryo: Is it money?

Hilarius: I want money.

Persephone: Food!

Iphigenia: Free therapy!

Domitia: A cow!

Io: Love!

Crack!Casca: No! Victory in the games doesn’t mean much if your Tribute doesn’t perform well.

Domitia: So no cow?

Crack!Casca: No. However, your entire future rests on this last project-

Coryo: Oh, thank Panem! Thank you, Panem for giving me a rich man to marry! I don’t need to think about winning some sh*tty game!

Sejanus: I’ll give you anything and everything, my love!😍

Coryo: I know, Babe. That’s why I love you and your daddy’s money.

Sejanus: Kiss?😘

Coryo: Kiss.

Drunk!Casca: No kissing and making love inside my hall!

Hilarius: Technically speaking, this is my family’s hall-

Drunk!Casca: My school, my hall!

Clemensia: Sir, your speech.

Drunk!Casca: Oh, yeah. Where was I?

Clemensia: Last project.

Drunk!Casca: Oh, that’s right! Let the Reaping Ceremony begin!

Felix: I can’t wait to make new friends!

Diana: Yey! New friends!

Drunk!Casca: District 1 boy Fabric goes to Liver Cardew!

Livia: Fabric?! My Tribute’s name is Facet, you drunk!

Drunk!Casca: I don’t care, Liver.

Livia: Ugh. I’m telling mother.

Drunk!Casca: District 1 girl Velvet Bean goes to Palmolive Monthly!

Palmyra: Yey!🥳

Florus: Sorrows and prayers.

Felix: May the odds be ever in poor Velvereen’s favor.😔

Drunk!Casca: District 2 boy Marius-

Sejanus: No.

Drunk!Casca: Walrus.

Sejanus: Still wrong.

Drunk!Casca: Like I care! Martin from 2 goes to boyfriend stealer Syllabus Plinth!

Sejanus: Coryo, look! That’s my first best friend!

Coryo: Babe, is he the one who keeps ignoring your letters?

Sejanus: Yup! He’s just shy.

Festus: I think Marcus just doesn’t like you-

Sejanus: He’s just shy!

Coryo: Whatever you say, my love.

Drunk!Casca: District 2 girl Cabin-

Florus: Sabyn.

Drunk!Casca: Sharyn.

Florus: Her name is Sabyn.

Drunk!Casca: Saber Salamander goes to Flower Friend!

Florus: It’s f*ckin’ Sabyn!

Drunk!Casca: Doubt. District 3 boy Circuit goes to I Owe Casper.

Io: Is he smart?

Drunk!Casca: You tell me. District 3 girl Tesseract goes to Turban-

Urban: How the f*ck does a simple name like Teslee become Tesseract?!

Drunk!Casca: That’s her name. Deal with it. District 4 boy Milton-

Persephone: Mizzen.

Drunk!Casca: Martian.

Persephone: Mizzenmast!

Drunk!Casca: The little gremlin from 4 goes to Miss Maid Stew!

Persephone: I hope he likes pizza.

Drunk!Casca: District 4 girl Carlo-

Festus: It’s Carl.

Coryo: Her name’s Coral.

Festus: I’m pretty sure it’s Carl.

Drunk!Casca: Toyota Corolla goes to Fetus Creed!

Festus: It’s Festus!

Drunk!Casca: District 5 boy Hyena goes to Tennis String.

Dennis: Cool.

Drunk!Casca: District 5 girl Solar Flare goes to the local grocer.

Iphigenia: Is that me?

Drunk!Casca: Unfortunately.

Iphigenia: Ok!☺️

Drunk!Casca: District 6 boy Oslo goes to Apple Ring.

Apollo: Nice!

Drunk!Casca: District 6 girl Jenny goes to Dino Ring.

Diana: My new friend!

Drunk!Casca: District 7 boy Leech goes to Insignia Sicko.

Vipsania: My new gym bro!

Drunk!Casca: District 7 girl Stamina Mina goes to Tiny Harry Tone.

Pup: She’s already crying.

Drunk!Casca: District 8 boy Bobby Corn Poppy goes to You Know Flips!

Juno: You gave me a peasant?!

Drunk!Casca: District 8 girl Winnie-

Hilarius: No.

Drunk!Casca: Little Whitney from 8 goes to the clown wearing short shorts!

Hilarius: Her name’s Wovey and my short shorts are fabulous!

Drunk!Casca: Good luck, Queen Bee. District 9 boy Panini Pablo goes to Bias Green.

Gaius: I hope he likes bread.

Drunk!Casca: District 9 girl Chief goes to the local kleptomaniac.

Androcles: Nice! A new partner in crime!

Drunk!Casca: District 10 boy Toner goes to the farmhand.

Domitia: I hope he likes cows.

Drunk!Casca: District 10 girl Brady-

Arachne: Brandy.

Drunk!Casca: Right. Candy goes to Acne Crane.

Arachne: Whatever. Like I care.🙄

Drunk!Casca: District 11 boy Reacher-

Clemensia: His name is Reaper.

Drunk!Casca: The Creeper Paper Meter goes to that annoying angry dove sitting right over there!👉

Clemensia: I’m so telling Capitol News about this.😠

Drunk!Casca: District 11 girl Drill goes to President Raven’s Bill!

Felix: That checks out.

Drunk!Casca: District 12 boy Jessie goes to our local drug deal-

Lysistrata: I sell vitamins!

Drunk!Casca: Doubt. District 12 girl Lucile-

Coryo: No.

Drunk!Casca: Suzy!

Coryo: Not even close.

Drunk!Casca: Louis!

Coryo: That’s still wrong.

Drunk!Casca: I don’t care! Juicy Bae Bird goes to Crassus Xanthos Snow!

Coryo: It’s Lucy Gray-

Drunk!Casca: Goosey Lay Beard is your Tribute, Honey! End of story!

Coryo: Sir-

Drunk!Casca: Crassus, my love, the Reaping Ceremony is finally over! Let’s go on a date!

Coryo: Nope. That’s illegal. I’m going home with my boyfriend.

Sejanus: I’ll go get the car, my love!😍

Coryo: Thank you, Babe. Let’s go.

Festus: Yeah. I’m also going to Seji’s place.

Lysistrata: Me too.

Felix: Thanks for the lamb stew.

Gaius: Peace!

Diana: But what about Mr. Lobster?!

Androcles: Don’t worry about it. The lobster is now secured.😏

Dennis: Andie, why is the lobster inside your bag?

Androcles: For security reasons.

Diana: Ok! Let’s go to Seji’s!

Felix: To the Plinth Mansion!

Everyone: Yey!🥳

Drunk!Casca: Yo, can I go-

Everyone: No!

[hirik0]

In his shadow

Young Price/Nik | inspired by tweet

Price POV

Jonathan Price Jr. always stands in the gigantic shadow of his father. Coronel John Price Sr. was hard on his soilder and even hader on his only son. Being the best was never good enough and Mrs Price did as her husband told her. It was a shitty childhood filled with the feeling of being unloved, unwanted and to do as you're told. Price and his sisters just followed the rules, the punishment for breaking them was not worth it. They all learned that sooner or later. His older Sister Hannah run away with a significant older man at 17 and never heared of again, his younger sister Susane is struggling with addiction since shes 15 and he was forced to enlist at 18. And all the time he is still in the shadow of his father. If he exalted it is nothing special because he is Coronel Price son if he failed he was told they expected more of Coronel Price son. He could not win. It was the same when he joined the SAS even if he gave 250% its expected from him. He worked himself to the bone and slowly starts to crawl out of the shadow his father is casting over him. First he hated his current CO, but now he's grateful to not get any special treatment anymore. If he performed good he got praise if he performed bad he got criticism like another member of the squad. At the beginning being treated like everyone else felt like being treated worse even if it always was all he ever wanted. He slowly became his own person for the first time in his life things finally start looking good, that's till Nikolai is entering his life. Well Nik fall, literally fall in his life and is a pain in Price ass ever since.

Sergeant John Price is hiding behind some bushes looking out if unwanted visitors are aproaching the target zone. His squad the Hell Hounds under Captain Jones is trying to find some important intel from a weapon dealers house at the Rusian-Polish border. He heard yelling getting louder through the open window from the second floor. Someone is running he hears the person getting closer and closer to the window, foot steps loudly echoing through the hallway, but its a dead end. Who ever is this stupid idiot running for his life jumps out of the window, hoping to land in the thorn bushes under the window. He hears the voice of a young man cursing before a weight is landing on him. His face is pressed against a bunch of rocks and he hears his nose break, the air brutally pressed out of his lungs. "Ah thanks", the young man says in russian when he gets up before dashing over towards the woods, running for his life. Angry screams from the window yelled at the young man Price just stays as still as possible, while blood is running out of his nose. By dumb luck the man who is screaming death threats is not looking down. "This is Bravo-4 looks like some was here before us", Lieutenant MacMiller says over radio. "Please repeat Bravo-4." The gears in Price head are turning, the man that jumped out the window, can he be the thief? "We are to late Bravo-0, the files are gone." It a gamble the angry screaming from the second floor ended a while ago, but that's had not to mean anything, also his job is it to make sure they get out here alive. "This Bravo-7 a few minutes ago a the possible thief run past my position towards the forest.", Price reports keeping some details to himself. "How long ago, Bravo-7?" "3-4 minutes." "Is the road clear?" "Yes Sir." "Go get him Junior. Bravo 3 and 4 also move to the forest" Price hates beeing called Junior but he he's on his feet running behind the assumed thief.

Who ever the guy is he clearly is unexperienced, getting on his track with no problem. The trace of stomped down flowers and farns, pieces of cloths on bushes made Price job easy. And soon he sees the back of them man. He has black hair, that is nearly shoulder long. He's wearing cloths to look like the personel of the arms dealers so he could blend in with out problem, maybe not such a bloddy amateur. Price gets closer and closer and the guy looks over his shoulder giving him a big grin. The look in his eyes seems to challenge him 'catch me if you can'. He can already touch the back of the jacket with his fingertips when the man suddenly takes a hard right, Price is sliding a bit over the floor before he is on course again. His lungs and legs are buring, having trouble to breath with his bleading nose. The Russian is trying to take a hard left but Price is able to ram in him they both fall on the hard forest floor. They tumble for a while, angry Russian and English curses echoing throughthe forest. Price gets a elbow to his face, against his nose, the pain making Price pull back a bit by instinkt. The Russian uses this to crawl away and trying to get on his feet again so Price can to pull him back by his ankle. They roll over the floor fighting each other for a while. During their fight the ear piece falls out of Price ear, so he dint hear the others asking for his postion. Price needs his whole body weight to keep the thief down so he can put the earpiece back in. Price pins the arms over the captives head, sitting on his lower stomach, they are facing each other. Both panting heavily blood running down both their faces. Price now having additional to his broken nose a bleeding eye brow, the Russian had a heavy bleeding lip and will get a big black eye. They angrily stare each other down. "You know normally I get diner first before I let people do this with me", the man says winking at Price. "Usally I do the pinning down, it's a interesting change." Price mouth is dropping open, he is speechless his russian is just good enough to understand what the man said based on context. "Bravo-7 what your status, we are on your track", it sound over the radio but Price is still to shocked to answer. The guy head buds him and against his nose again, but Price grip on him stays strong. "Motherfucker", Price curses in pain. "Who do you work for?", the Russian asks. "Who do you work for?", Price asks back in broken Russian. The Russian thinks a bit trying to figure out his accent. "British, huh?", the Russian states confused Price stays silent.

Bravo-4 is the first to get to them. His Lieutenant claps him on the shoulder as a good job. "Bravo-3 reached Junior and the target, turn right where we split up." "Understood." Price hates beeing called Junior, he is the youngest team member, but thats not why they call him that. They call him Junior because of his fucking father. The Prisoner watches Price reaction intresstet looking for a way to hopefully get out of the mess he got himself into. Even if the young Russian don't have what they look for he still has possibel information they need. They restrain their prisoner waiting for information about exfile. Bravo-3 patches both if them up, getting nearly bitten by their prisoner as a thanks. Besides this the Russian Price asumes is around the same age as him so 28ish. They ignore him way more worried about someone else also tracking their prisinor in this forest. They left so many traces behind a bloddy child could track them down. The silence is tense "This Bravo-0 exfile in 3 hours at point gamma." "Understood Bravo-0, see you there." They would have to walk rather fast to get to point gamma in time, it's the furthest West of the 4 exfile locations. The walk should take them this long and it's not like the prisoner is slowing them down on purpose he simply can't keep up their speed. Even Price struggels to keep up, because breathing his heard with a nose filled with dried blood. But he is to stuborn to be the reason they miss exfile and likely stay the night right in enemy territory. They maybe would have need 2 hours for this way with out him, now they only have half an hour left for still a 4th of the way to go. Bravo-4 throws the young Russian over his shoulder simply because they are faster this way. Angry russian curses are spat at him, but Bravo-4 seems to think they are funny. "I like this one Price, good catch." "Thanks Sir." Price would love if they didn't had to carry him with them. They didn't even check if he even has the documents, at least he will have some sort of useful information. They barely reach exfile on time. They basically throw the prisoner in the helicopter before climbing in themselves. "So that our thief?", Bravo-2 ask curios. "Gave Price a good fight", Bravo-3 sniggers, causing Price to roll his eye and their prisinor to smirk. So he does understand alteat a littel bit English.

[nid-pysgodyn]

I'm so torn about q!bbh.

On the one hand, conceptually the character is pretty fucking good. The idea of a nice person throwing throwing morals away and letting out their darker tendencies the moment someone hurts who they love is a good concept. It's a character trope people do like to see. And the idea of q!bbh using previously very innocent behaviours (like his point-blank dismissal of things said against him) in the context of what he does in purgatory is a pretty cool idea. Most of all, I love all of the potential implications this will have for after purgatory. How will everyone treat him after this? Will people still trust him with their eggs? Will people want their eggs around him? How will this affect Dapper?

The problem for me is in the execution. To quote another post "The war crimes are fake but the annoyance I feel is real.". We have had fucked up but likeable characters on qsmp, like ElQuackity. q!bbh when he first kidnapped Ron also falls into this. For me personally, the problem is that q!bbh's purgatory crimes feel weirdly annoying moreso than fucked up and I'm not totally sure why. Maybe it's the point-blank dodging and ignoring of everyone's problems with him? (e.g. q!bbh acting chill with Tubbo during the draft despite what happened the day before). Maybe I dislike q!bbh and like q!ElQ because q!ElQ denies having committed crimes while admitting those crimes would be wrong, whereas q!bbh denies that the actions are wrong to begin with? I don't totally know. I just know that, for some reason, watching q!bbh now makes me annoyed when it didn't previously. It doesn't feel like the trope of a good person letting out their dark side. It feels like a character's bit being played too much to the point that it's not fun to watch?

And then outside of roleplay, it is a little difficult to ignore that the way the character is played does affect other people's content. I don't like watching spawn-killing because I know the other player isn't going to be totally happy about it but simultaneously can't do shit, not because of a lack of skill, but just because of what it is. I haven't enjoyed watching anyone searching for people's bases because it's genuinely just boring to watch for me and it results in bases not being permanent and not having time to be proper cool things. Like, BarrigunhaMole decorated Phil's bee farm for him, and now red team is moving again so now that decoration isn't going to be seen again, and that sucks. I don't enjoy knowing the outcome of a competition. It is not fun to see a team winning, and know with absolute certainty that they will win. I want the other team to matter. Same goes for the losing team. I want to think they have a chance. Because it makes the competition more fun to watch when I don't know what will happen, but q!bbh's willingness to keep punching down actively prevents this.

NB This is just how I vaguely feel about watching q!bbh. This is not commenting on anyone else. It's just a dumb rant on my experience watching q!bbh.

[show-addict]

Between us EP 8 thoughts during watching

Start with Team in bed with snacks and studying? classic

And him eating all of the snacks hahah

And of course Win shows up with more snacksSso funny how his eyes sparked just from seeing snacks

Not Team throwing a tantrum cuz he can't get the snack if he doesn't actually study

5 out of 30? oh my poor boy

The payment method is a forehead kiss.. omg how fucking cute tf

''There's only you I charge with a kiss'' oh my heart can't handle this

''Because it's YOU''

Why is he so cute holding that pillow

Aww Prince and Bee are so cute, but they also make me sad

My poor babies

''Can I be by your side?'' how sweet

Aaaa can't stop smiling at Prince and Bee

How cute of Team to write the note of support for his exam

Omg how embarrassing hahha poor Team with his friends mocking him

Can you just become official already? Too cute for your own good

So smart yet so dumb

Aww Win romantic in his own way with the hemp rope

Well damn, I really don't like the dad, what a bitch

This hurts me, poor Wiew. Waan and Win, what an awful father they got - like I get work is important but not more important than your family

ooo just a junior in the club - by the look on Teams face that one hurt

Still no excuse to act like that to your kids my guy

The friends know

I love how they reassure Team about Win, good friends

Aww sweetheart you guys just need to talk about your status

The smile and then the immediate pout hahaha cute

Team so confused with the dink name and just forgetting the order - poor confused little baby

How cute, he knows Wins favorite drinks but can't remember anything about English

Win is absolutely smitten with Team

Oh god '' want me to teach you intensely? Until you cannot forget a thing?'' and that lip lick with his tounge? oh noooo, he def knows what he is doing to that poor boy hahah

He wants to bring it up but is afraid

Awwww he kissed his forehead back - yes Team go after your man

Pharm and Dean are really cute

he brought him clothes to change into, what a sweet boyfriend

Dean teasing Team is amazing hahah

Team is adorable just walking to wins door

I love home Team tried tricking Win into thinking he got a low grade in English - the pure happiness in his face is so cute

Not his asking for a prize and getting a key to Wins room oh my god

in love with the joy Team felt when Win agreed to go see the Christmas lights

Honestly this whole ep was so cute and good. By the looks of it next week we will cry. Can't wait for sunday!

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

It's here. The moment. Fuck.

This stupid quote and this stupid sad guy whose stupid name looks like stupid frodo has been seen by my stupid eyes over and over and over.

And I have thought with full ego, "It's okay. This time I'm ready. This time I will finally get justice. This time I will research everything and know all the laws and eventually organize all my evidence. This time will be the time everything comes together. This time I will win the war on my own justice because I am prepared and strong and I got this."

And I waited. I took the hits. I learned how to feel things. I recalibrated. I was clever. I was perfect. I never let myself fucking relax because I was ready. I had the outcome in mind. This was it and he was dumb enough to play wrong. I got this.

And today I have to accept that I don't.

And worst still? It doesn't fucking matter,

I can still use all this learning and work and wisdom and even the documentation for something. It's beautiful and I don't regret learning to making any of it. I can learn the lesson, cut my losses, and just move on. I'm not fighting for the end of my world by going to war and dragging this out.

I betrayed and abandoned myself for nothing.

Choosing to drag this out in the court system and waste money and go through all the hoops right after this last election?

It would be for nothing.

I have the ability to make his life miserable for the rest of his. I don't need to pay thousands to do that if I want to. I can tell my story wherever I want and I don't have to have it judged by people in the way the judicial system would process it. I have the freedom to get whatever satisfaction I need to move on. I don't have the money or time or energy to prove it to an entire system.

I don't need to devote myself to teaching him a lesson. I can just get rid of him and make sure my son is taken care of. That's all that matters to me anyways. I don't regret raising him better than anyone else could or putting my trust in someone who decided to abuse it.

But it hurts. It feels like losing a friend. My evil ego friend who was going to make everything okay and everybody pay.

I don't have to kill her but I do have to rename her. I think I'm also sad that I learned quickly that my voluntary isolation did make me overestimate my abilities of influence with people that have more braincells than a goldfish unlike my ex.

Arrogance doesn't make intelligence and I'm smart enough to know my platform is a rotting soapbox and not a stage where I can razzle dazzle them.

If this was a karaoke battle I'd whip their asses, though.

I have to build yet another grave for this ego death. At this point I have a little cemetery I've had to build in my mind to keep track of them.

I am so disappointed. I'm kind of relieved. I mostly feel stupid. I felt the bee color spectrum of human emotions today and didn't end up with an autistic meltdown. Or a migraine. That, my friends, is something.

Fuck. Unlocked a new mystery path, I guess.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”

Today must have been gollum biting my finger off before I throw him into the volcano. Or annikan screaming his hatred as he burns with his legs cut off.

Fuck you, Dostoevsky. You got me. Finally.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”

[goldenmiffen03]

imma just be annoyed in the corner about how the ew crew voted on the march meddness stuff, and also how they tried to make people make dudette next door fail. (now I'll just think that if it doesn't win it was because they told people not to vote on it.)

[dirtytransmasc]

Vance Hopper HC's part 2

part 1 here

he's not quick to trust, but once he does, he shows it by leaving his back towards you, relaxing with his eyes closed, leaving his resources* out around you. that's how he's learned to read trust in animals and his lack of social understanding has lead to some animalistic traits

* he has bad resource guarding, like it's one of the things he is most aggressive about. it's mostly with food and people, but also the pinball machine and a few personal items. he doesn't like people near his room or his body (there are multiple reasons for this, resource guarding is just one of them) he is possessive over the boys and even if he tries not to, he gets snappy when people he doesn't know are around them. (I don't want this interpreted as the type of possessiveness associated with abusive relationships. I honestly don't know if nuerotypical people experience [not limiting or gatekeeping, I've just never met an NT person who understood this feeling] but it's the type of possessiveness you feel when your scared of losing something. it isn't a greed type control thing, it's a fear of abandonment/loss/sudden change type control thing. I only say this cause I see a lot of people trying to HC him as possessive and abusive)

He gets really bad nightmares, most of the time he doesn't even remember them, just wakes up terrified, covered in sweat, sobbing with no recollection of what triggered him.

robin watches his back when he falls asleep or has a shutdown anywhere other than home. it's something that just sorta started happening, but Robin takes his job insanely seriously, making sure he never breaks Vance's trust.

part of the reason he likes pinball so much is because of the sounds

he's super good at math, like he can do that shit in his head, but panics under pressure/time constraints which is why he would normally flunk all of his tests. he also has some memory and time management issues, so homework was always hard to remember. he was never dumb, he wasn't held back because he couldn't do it, he just couldn't do it the way they wanted him to.

he's actually wicked smart, when given the proper accommodations (at home, since y'know it was the 70s, and non disabled people hated us disabled people with a passion) he was genius, and he actually loves reading and writing, loves when the boys give him complex math problems to work through.

I cannot specify how much I think this boy loves to read. it's becoming an all consuming thought. I know he would eat up a pile of books in a month, and he would remember it so vividly, talking to the boys about it non stop until he decided to read it again. When he got tired of that he taught himself how to type so he could write his own. especially if he were to be formally diagnosed with dyslexia, he would do it all out of spite just to prove that even with a learning disability he could be as good as anyone else. he just needs to do it his way at his own pace. (the gifted kid that never got accommodated in me is crying, I just want my boy to be happy)

he hates bugs, but, eventually Griffin will win him over bug by bug. and slowly he has gone from wanting to burn every spider he sees to being spider neutral, a more 'you stay over there and I'll stay over here' type approach. and he won't let people kill them anymore, hell carefully take it out side. and if the other boys aren't looking and Griffin is offering one for him to hold, he'll allow it to crawl on his hand till he physically can't take it anymore and Griffin has to take it back. he's getting there.

he loves honey bees though, Griffin told him how friendly they are when you're friendly and now they're very chill (imagine him just chilling with honey bees, just like holding one, or sitting in a flower field just kinda watching them)

can't really do movies, but will put up with it for a chance to lay on the couch with all the boys.

terrified of the doctor, hates it with a passion, but not even the 'toughs it through any sickness, ops to do what he can at home' way, like he hates being sick, he's not the home surgery type. he just needs someone to hold his hand, and to talk to the doctor for him. also needles of any kind can get fucked.

he doesn't get sick often, but when he does he gets it bad, really really bad. he has to be hospitalized like once or twice a year cause since he gets something it either spreads through his whole body (a throat infection turns into pneumonia, an ear infection, and a sinus infection) or it just hits him like a freight train and lingers (stomach bugs lasting nearly a weak and getting him so dehydrated he's convinced he's dying).

he can cook, his mama taught him well. he has a handwritten copy of her cook book he spent days on.

he is such a Mama's boy, and he specifically calls her mama.

his handwriting shifts between what I call faux cursive (all the letters are connected and kinda curvey and twirly, but it's not cursive) and chicken scratch, depends on the day.

I can't decide if he's a bass or guitar guy, but I know that he has to be at least slightly supervised when he plays because he will play until his fingers are raw. Finney found him with blood all down his arm because he was just having a really bad day. he hates playing with a pick so his fingers are always at the mercy of his strings.

he knows how to play the drums, and they're his second choice.

is a surprisingly good driver, he just gets really bad road rage. he's pretty level on the gas, definitely going above the speed limit but in a safe controlled manner.

definitely becomes more and more of a teenage dirt bag as he gets older, if it weren't for his hair and reputation he would float in the back. any and all party surfing is against his will.

definitely drags kids out of parties they shouldn't be at, telling them they'll thank him later. he's good at reading a party in a second, knowing who is and isn't safe there and immediately getting them out.

he loves to be out in the sun, but doesn't like the heat, so he's a late spring early fall boy. the summer gets too hot sometimes. he hates the cold though, so winters are rough for him.

[birdstooth]

Whoa I just looked up that Popcorn guy and was having a good time reading his bio until the end 😭 RIP HOMIE 😓😓😓 I think popcorn and bumblebezos should do a collab tbh and make like a peach schnapps and cut preacher Bill out of the deal.

Brain: yeah, and then they can run him out of town and turn the church into a cool speakeasy with live jazz

Me: I don't think its even prohibition times tho

Brain: Loretta can be the bouncer

Me: haha she can herd the drunks outta there when they've had too much

he was ostracized.  No one wanted to talk to him but Alan Hamby gave him a shot at being the farmhand, and well, Hal is still there.

HAHAHA I'M NOT CRYING YOU;RE CRYING 😭. I feel dumb saying this after that thing about "cool felons" last time lol but I'm now actively trying to be sincere about at least ONE (1) thing every day and I don't think giving my coffee order counts so here it goes lol:

It really does suck that some "crimes against society" are more negatively perceived than others. Bc I feel like it was just pure chance that my inner toxicity manifested as petty theft/trespassing/vandalism, or was channeled into not so peaceful protesting for something I felt an affinity to, when I probably could just as easily been that person that drives drunk or operates dangerous machinery when high. If it weren't for the fact that I don't driving and alcohol tastes foul af to me, I could definitely have been the young adult person that gets a DUI while trying to reclaim their teenage rebellion years in university lol.

So even though I joke about it now, I feel bad when people say stuff like "oh well at least you aren't THAT kind of person/did THAT kind of crime" bc like, bitch I could have lmao. Not to downplay the fact that drunk driving does objectively have a higher risk of harming other people, but it just feels weird that some offences make you a "worse person" when like all of us basically had the same lapse in judgement/self control but some of us end up suffering the consequences for that mistake more or for longer. 🤷‍♀️

haha yuck, feelings and guilt right?? Anyway, so is he also a leper but not as much as a leper as Cole? What is the misfit hierarchy here? If there was a purge and only one spot left in the safe house who's getting it?

but Hal does drive.  If he didn’t then Bee would take him home.  

This is hilarious tho. It's like me passively aggressively arguing with my mom for half an hour and then being like "also can I get a ride to the mall after school pls"

Just for reference, like I live in a small town population wise, but it’s quite large (living in the mountains you can’t just build anywhere).

Me, having played many world-building games, but speaking like I know based on life experience: Yes, I also know this. I am very familiar with the difficulties of developing farmland and infrastructure on rough terrain. On the flip side, kind of gives you an advantage in a wartime scenario tho, as the land serves as an additional defence against invaders.

Literally, my teenage years consisted of us riding through the national state park on a 1.5 lane road.  That’s fun when you come across a car coming towards you.

so do u usually play chicken or like how do u win here

What if there is very few places to eat??  She might have to go to the next town over in order to get food.

omg imagine not having 46 restaurants available on your local ubereats I'm sweating lmao. (I feel like u said there was only one uber driver in your whole area and he was unreliable? lol omg)

he did create an apple tree called the Red Chief, there’s only one of those apples in the world, and you have to go very early in the season to get some of those apples, and they cost more than the regular apples, and they’re delicious!

lol, there's only ONE of these apples in the world and we ate it so it's got now!! 🤣🤣 I totally get having apple preferences tho. The only apples I will eat are Jazz, Pink Lady or Fiji if that's the only option but I don't like golden delicious or anything else mushy or overly sweet.

Tbh I thought fruit was only lucrative in Japan lol where a watermelon can be hundreds of dollars or something and people will actually buy it... and its not even like expensive bc its from wholefoods it's like specially grown or engineered to be the tastiest and most aesthetically pleasing or something haha.

True story, not about a body, although I would assume there is many out there in the woods.  But there was an Olympic bomber that lived in the Appalachian woods for five years before the FBI caught him.

IS THIS THAT RUDOPLH GUY??? that's the only cabin in the woods bomber I can think of other than ted kaz.. kaczy... the Unabomber.

tangent, but this is why I've always respected FBI more than CIA. bc I feel like CIA get like an expense card, they get to travel and do all the glamourous infiltrate this high society network shit, and 75% of the time FBI people are just in the middle of small-town nowhere, staking out a swamp or rural woods waiting for an unhinged person to take a break from writing their manifesto to go out and get some firewood or catch a fish. They're LUCKY if they end up in a nice town like Twin Peaks.

I can attest that sex education in a small town in the Bible Belt SUCKS!  Like…it’s horrible, and they never talked about a clit.  Even a few years ago when I had cousins in school.  They didn’t know the basic anatomy of their body.  Why???  

Wait what would they even learn about in sex-ed then? like is this just putting condoms on bananas? Or do they only learn about the post-sex stuff like childcare?

 That’s why I prefer multi part fics instead of one shots.  Most one shots is just about the smut.  I like a bit more meat 😂 I don’t know if that is the best word to use in this scenario, but oh well.

I'm not going to believe that your decision to use "meat" here was anything but intentional and deliberate!!

I was going to make a joke about me being a scrabble champion bc I can think of many alternative words to use there (more substance/story/context/background/plot/etc), but then I realized u could probably think of just as many if not more alternative words that wouldn't even occur to me b/c of my low spice tolerance lmao (more... filling? that's the best I've got man)

Stained Like Georgia Clay, Part 4

Summary:  Cole takes you out to the middle of nowhere

Pairings:  Cole Turner X Reader

Rating:  explicit

Warnings:  explicit language, explicit sexual content, teasing, a bit of thigh riding (If you squint), ab riding, mutual fingering, squirting, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  5K

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*dividers created by @firefly-graphics​

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[cookinguptales]

Love love love your blog and I also wanted to add to speculation

I totally like to think that beyond the djinn liking the drama of it all, he also have Nandor extra wishes to like set Marwa free. Like his whole thing is teaching his masters a lesson and I’m guessing most of the people making these wishes can get to that realization and learn a lesson but of course Nandor needed a few more to figure it out

Also love the idea that after possibly spending time with Marwa he was like damn I don’t want you to suffer with this dummies wishes

Thank you, anon. ;; This is the first time I've been in a fandom that's really encouraged me to go ham and talk about all my wild theories and characterization ideas. I really appreciate how welcoming and encouraging everyone has been about my meta and my fic and my really dumb jokes. It's made me way more excited about joining conversations and posting fic.

Anyway, yeah, I feel like the Djinn has complicated motivations at this point. I can't wait to hear more about them. I think the timing of his gift is suspect, too... Like I think it's entirely possible that he decided to stay quite a while ago, but it's also possible that he heard Nandor's last wish and was like "ahhh, buddy, I can't let it end like this."

I think one of the things that I love most about the Djinn is that he seems almost fond of Nandor now, or at least feels kind of bad about tricking him. Maybe it's like getting in a fistfight with a preschooler, y'know...? That shit's just sad and unfair and it's not fun at all when you win. I've noticed that when Guillermo's not around to protect Nandor from himself, the Djinn has started helping him with his wishes. From "Are you sure? I can go fetch Guillermo" to "Do you want them to be able to speak English? Do you want them to be alive forever or just for the wedding?" etc.

That's not to say he won't fuck with Nandor when he makes a particularly cruel and/or vain wish. (I've noticed those are the ones he allows to blow up in Nandor's face.) But he does seem like he's actively helping him craft better wishes as time goes on and he does seem sort of fond of him. Maybe after hundreds, perhaps thousands, of years of granting horrible wishes, it's nice to serve a guy who just wants to ride around on a bee for a while.

I think he partially gave Nandor those wishes because he wanted to stay and see how all this pans out (the Djinn is all of us) but also because he recognizes that Nandor needs these wishes. I don't know why he wants to help Nandor fix all this, but I think he really does. The expression on his face when he gave Nandor his new wishes, sort of entreating and almost kind, makes me think he really does want Nandor to figure this out. He was really giving "teacher staying after class for extra tutoring" vibes, huh?

Is it because he wants Nandor to finally come to the end of his lessons? Is it because he doesn't want Marwa to have to stay like this forever? (Like damn, it's not his job to torture her.) Is it because he genuinely likes Nandor now and wants him to be happy? Unclear. But I do think he wants to help Nandor figure out how to be a better person and fix this mess.

Wow. Crazy how the Djinn has just skyrocketed up my favorite characters list. He's right under Guillermo now, and Guillermo's my absolute favorite...

[skateyoulater]

Between Us Thoughts!

Starting with episode 3 and will be updating here as I watch because I didn’t do this for 1 or 2 but. Here we go. 

My stream of consciousness throughout Between Us Episode 3

First of all, I’m glad it’s immediatley on Youtube. They had a whole thing with last episode which meant I couldn’t watch it right away which was very said. Right, let’s get into the ep.

so Team is skipping swim club again. Why are we still avoiding Win? I know you’re an anxious mess of a human, but come on. I am already seeing something concerning regarding Team's want to exercise. If i analyse this too deeply I’ll get sad so I’m not going to. Yet. 'Win will eat you alive' bestie he BEEN eating Team alive and not in the way you're talking about

OH DID BEE JUST RUN INTO HIS OWN LOVE INTEREST? Or should i say nearly ran over? (Let's fucking go) I wonder if this is the guy from his class that never turned up to lectures that the teacher called out last time?

HAHAHAHA WIN IS WAITING FOR YOU Team you fucking moron of course he's waiting for you, you SKIPPED SWIM PRACTICE this boy is so fucking dumb. 'did you dump him already' - 'DONT TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT AGAIN' Win is already so whipped. Dean you're so right about him making Win this grumpy. I love that Dean just , immediately read Win and figured out what's up with him. - this means that Dean knew about Win and Team from the get go?! Does he just think it's a crush? Does he truly know what they’ve been doing?! Team is so fucking grumpy 'why do i have to be afraid of him' - then as soon as he has to deal with Win he’s IMMEDIATELY LOOKING LIKE A PETULANT CHILD IN FRONT OF WIN sticking out his lower lip like a baby. ARE THERE BITEMARKS ON TEAM'S SHOULDER?! Those look like bitemarks,,, we know Win has a thing for Team’s neck and shoulders don’t we! Team's getting drunk? This never goes well. 'WHY DO YOU CALL HIM HIA?' oh they're so suspicious. oh man. Oh these shots from their first hookup?! We haven’t seen these, right? Oh the way Team is looking at Win is everything! Win's just in this boy's mind 24/7 isn't he? Win telling the friends 'You dont have to be afraid of me' - My mind is making those parallels to the scene in UWMA where win tells team that he doesn't have to be afraid of him?!?!!?!?! there's so much in my brain here, I can’t... Win telling Team he was just worried about him? Then Team asking what right Win has to be protective? I’m going to put my foot through my ciomputer because of these two... THE WAY WIN'S THUMB IS MOVING ON TEAM'S SHOULDER AFTER HIS NIGHTMARE? Also, that was a very quick passing-out-into-nightmare timescale. Four seconds? We’re just going to ignore this.

I can't get over the fact that they just EXPECT Pharm to have food for them, not even a 'hello' but a straight up 'yo do you have food for me?’ Also, those are the sweets that Pharm feeds Team, then Win, then Dean in that iconic scene in UWMA... You can see the way Team's anxiety just sets right in after that comment about the competition.

FUCK we’ve got the backstory. I imagine that’s his older brother? Did his older brother drown, or is it Team who nearly drowned? Fuck, this is going to be painful when we figure out exactly what happened. Win can immediatley sense that something's wrong with Team. oh no. oh he’s traumatised.

I can see Win looking at Team and just thinking that ‘oh it’s adorable... oh it’s traumatised’ meme.

I know that Dean’s supposed to tell Team to train harder because he’s the president of the swim team, but at the same time I don’t agree because Team is a baby who needs protecting. You can see how worried Win is about Team already. Win just, almost forcibly adopting Team is adorable. like 'youre sleeping with me tonight. stop being a baby'.

Are they already borrowing clothes?! Oh god they really just tumbled right into domestic here didn't they.

I see win wears chanel, dior, and gucci fragrance. My man smells GOOD. Also

Win why are you acting all abashed for talking in on team in the shower? You've already railed him, who cares if you see his bare ass again? Team thanking Win for helping him sleep?! No what the fuck I’m so-  oh that little kiss, oh he's so in love. It's so fucking cute. He's warm and fuzzy and already just obsessed with win. he might as well be lying on his tummy kicking his feet and tirling his hair.

NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW THOUGHTS: 'you adore team more than any other 1st year, but ifd you're not gonna take this seriously' - 'i didn't want to let it be this way' MY GOOD SIR WHAT THE FUCK. TEAM LOOOKS SO HEARTBROKEN. WHY DO WE HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER FUCKING WEEK.

[stellarlex]

What are your thoughts about Adrien/Cat Noir?

You got me started, so I won’t mince words.

Adrien is a pain in the ass.

The way the show constantly makes it seem like he’s in the right when he absolutely fucking ISN’T is something that has infuriated me for a very long time. The writing makes him seem perfect but he isn’t. He’s not even a good friend, and Marinette’s crush addled brain forces her to listen to his garbage advice even though she knows better and is more experienced in social matters.

This fucking kid has only been breathing fresh fucking air for a few months and somehow he’s suddenly a fucking expert on how to deal with bullies and manipulators. That’s how he comes off to Marinette with how often he lets Chloe’s shitty behavior slide or his dumb advice about Lila: “Making a bad guy suffer has never turned them into a good guy.” Or, “If you humiliate her he’ll just be hurt more.”

But Chloé gets to humiliate and hurt others with barely any consequences from anyone, let alone Adrien. And Lila just gets to publicly make fools out of anyone who believes her nonsensical bullshit. And it’s only appropriate to chastise them only AFTER someone has been humiliated, hurt, and even EXPELLED right Adrien?

And sure, I can acknowledge when Adrien has his moments of a spine but it never lasts and always falls through. People are constantly screaming “but his dad and his childhood and he’s so sheltered and can’t stand up to anyone !” but forget that he chose to be a superhero and fight evil and has stood up to people.

I mean he stands up for Chloé and Lila quite a bit no matter who they hurt. He had no problem standing up to Marinette and shaming her and the others when they were rightfully happy that Chloé, their longtime tormentor and bully was leaving. He gets to be sad that Chloé is leaving and shame on anyone who is happy about that.

He was so concerned that Chloé left hurt and humiliated, (which was her own fault for trying to lie about her school project and after the bullshit she pulled with the Bee Miraculous) that he didn’t care about how badly Chloé made others feel on a daily basis. They were rightfully relieved to have Chloé gone and to celebrate having some peace in school for fucking once.

He seemed to have forgotten about how she nearly killed a train full of fucking people to make herself look like a hero. How soon he forgets how Chloé sabotaged Marinette’s great uncle, how she treats Sabrina, how she broke into Marinette’s room and stole her diary to win a class president election, stole Marinette’s hat design and tried to frame her for stealing, how she broke into Marinette’s locker and vandalized her gift to Bustier. Just so many things.

But noooo. That’s not important. What’s important was that HIS FRIEND was sad and that all her bad behavior is negated and that they shouldn’t celebrate her leaving because SHE kept HIM company when he was kept inside his home. Nothing else matters Right Adrien?

And let’s not forget about Lila. I’ve heard so many bullshit excuses about why he won’t expose Lila and it pisses me off something fierce:

“He doesn’t know that Lila threatened Marinette!” “Marinette didn’t tell him about the threat!” “He can’t stand up for himself because he’s scared his dad will pull him out of school!” “He’s scared of Lila!” “But his upbringing” “But his dad!” “He doesn’t have evidence!” “His advice is right!” “He doesn’t know how dangerous Lila is!”

ALL. COMPLETE. BULLSHIT.

Especially that last one. There has been multiple occasions where Lila has proven how dangerous she is outside of being akuamtized but he still won’t expose her. The time she got Kagami akumatized and WILLINGLY helped Oni-Chan, was proven true by the horn on her head growing every time she lied. Adrien as Chat Noir saw this. Ladybug warned him. A FIREFIGHTER examined Lila’s ankle and basically said she was full of shit about her injury and saw Chat Noir chew her out over her willingly helping an akuma.

Still don’t know how the firefighter didn’t report that to the cops but then I remember that Thomas Astruc is shit and I say to myself, “Ah, that’s why.”

Adrien knew then especially how dangerous Lila was. He even warned Ladybug about her. If I was Ladybug I’d have said “Yeah, no shit. I tried to tell you that 5 minutes ago but sure.” But instead of outing Lila, he still says NOTHING and continues to let her lie and promise his friends things she can’t possibly deliver, continues to let her mess with his friends dreams because she’ll be “hurt more.”

When was this bitch hurt at school I wanna know.

Also, there’s the fact that Adrien has chewed Lila out multiple times about her behavior, so he’s not afraid to stand up to her. He’s even done it in public where anyone can hear him like in school. But he just keeps giving her chances. I was excited when he chewed Lila out after “Ladybug” but then that quickly went away when he said that he didn’t have any proof.

But he does have proof of her lying. He was there when Ladybug chewed Lila out about her lying. If he spoke up about that, they would believe him because he doesn’t have a motive to speak against Lila, like the way others were skeptical of Marinette’s claims because of her crush on Adrien. There’s also the fact that she lied to get into his house and got Nathalie and his bodyguard into trouble.

There is a picture she sent out to multiple people so she can’t rebut that. And then the whole shit about framing Marinette and the red butterflies. He should have spilled all the fucking tea but he still kept his mouth shut. If his little talk with Lila hadn’t panned out Marinette would still be out of school and she would look like some horrible villain and no one would doubt Lila.

But noooooo. Lila will be humiliated, she’ll be hurt. It wouldn’t make her a good guy.

Screw you Adrien.

As for Chat Noir....

*breathes in*

He needs to get a fucking reality check or he needs to not have a miraculous. Yeah. I said it.

Here’s a special message for him:

Ladybug said no. Stop asking her to date you. Stop trying to make plans or trick her into romantic situations with you. Don’t throw tantrums because she doesn’t tell you things or because she won’t do what you want. Stop goofing off during battles. Stop sacrificing yourself you absolute DUMBASS.

Sincerely, me.

It boggles me why he gets to do all the shit he does and has no fucking consequences. Marinette’s toe can’t even twitch without someone breathing down her fucking neck about being the bigger person or just chastising her for not living up to the standards of a Ladybug.

I’m looking at you Tikki.

But Adrien gets to just do all kinds of shit without a HINT of consequences as Chat Noir. It’s fucking WILD. But apparently to some it’s more important that he keeps Plagg because he’s lonely and he shouldn’t be trapped inside his house with Gabriel.

That’s not what a miraculous is for??!?!!?!?!! 🥴

And sure, Marinette has had some slip ups as Ladybug. But not nearly as many as Adrien has as Chat Noir. But like I said, Marinette gets blamed for anything by any and everyone whether she’s Ladybug or not. Tikki and Alya chastised her because she entered the game tournament to spend time with Adrien.

WHY??

She didn’t cheat, she entered fairly and played fairly and won fairly just like Adrien did. But because it was to spend time with Adrien it was wrong. Even Max’s sore loser ass admitted before he left that Marinette beat him fair and square. It’s a competition. He wasn’t entitled to have a spot. He even looked upset when Adrien beat him and Adrien had a worried look on his face. Tikki even chastises Marinette saying that there were better ways to spend time with Adrien.

But there WEREN’T.

Adrien’s time is so closely monitored that he barely ever gets time to spend with friends. That was the only chance Marinette had to spend time with Adrien. But of course Marinette gets the heat for it.

But Adrien gets nearly nothing when he causes Copy Cat because of his lie about Ladybug. He gets to throw a tantrum because Ladybug didn’t come to a picnic she never agreed to in the first place with no consequences. He gets to be upset about Ladybug having someone she loved and refuse to work together with her. And it’s all just glossed over.

But Marinette? Everything she does is always wrong. She has no choice but to be perfect or somehow the whole fucking world ends. And while it’s not right, Adrien only has to look perfect for his dad’s company. The amount of pressure isn’t the same. He gets to be carefree in at least half of his life, but Marinette is always under pressure and always judged harshly while Adrien gets to fuck up with barely any consequences or repercussions.

In conclusion, I’m so tired of this “sunshine boy”. You asked for this, and I delivered.

[watsername]

anyway here’s DSMP streamers based on how they’d fair with me in a fight

Details as for why I decided on these ranks under readmore

link to tiermaker

Would beat the shit out of them

Tommy- what’s his lanky ass gonna do?? Stop me???

George- ‘oh but salty, he’s a recovering hypebeast!! He’s not the uwu baby everyone thinks he is’ I know and I am perfectly aware, but he’s not alpha enough to defend himself against these hands. Sure he’s a 🤪crackhead 🤪 but what’s that gonna do against me. He would simply raise his arms as a shield and say ‘ow :(‘ until he surrenders.

Jack manifold- he has it coming.

It’d be close but id win

Fundy- he’s lanky, but he has height on me. I could beat the shut out of his shins but he could definitely push me over and I simply would not get back up. id kick his legs.

Quackity- I almost put him in the first category. Almost. But I feel like he’d get a random spurt of energy and almost take me down

Hbomb- I just feel like I could take his ass down. He’d injure me for sure, but I could do it.

Antfrost- it’s not homophobic if I’m also part of the el gee bee tea community. I’m scared that red would beat me up but not that scared

Tubbo- the kids unhinged. He’d be pulling these weird ass attacks yelling about some random shit I don’t understand and eventually tire himself out so that I can take him down easily

Karl- I feel like he has good defences. But his shins are unprotected.

Fair fight

Dream- He has height on me so he could theoretically beat the everloving shit out of me but his feet are fucking massive (clown) and that’s what I target

Techno- the only thing stopping me from winning is his height, this man spends all his time farming potatoes I could clart him if he wasn’t a giant

Puffy- we are the same height.

Hannah- we have too much respect for the others eyeliner to do any real damage

It’d be close but they’d win

Sapnap- he’s polite. He’s a sweet little Texas man. But I do also believe him when he said he’d rock chats shit with the meanest uppercut if they ever tried to fight him. He’s been through a lot with chat. I believe him.

Connor- I was going to say I could beat him up, but looking that little face in the eyes made me feel something akin to fear. I don’t think he has the ability to absolutely beat the shit out of me. But he could win.

Ranboo- this kid moves like a cartoon character. 90% of the fight is just him bouncing around me not actually making any hits. I attack the shins (again). He utilises his gargantuan height and picks me up rendering me useless. I have lost the fight.

Charlie- unassuming, but ripped.

Alyssa- she’d be easy on me, get bored and then clart me. I believe in her

Would absolutely clart me

Wilbur- I’ve seen the vlogs. Man would not hesitate to tackle me just like he did Tommy. I have been murdered by Wilbur Soot.

Bad- can and will cut me, carries a gun on him at all times.

Skeppy- he’d just straight up beat the shit out of me idk what to tell u

Purpled- see above

Punz- Chad.

Philza- threatened to punt jack manifold into the sun. I believe him.

Could batter me but simply wouldn’t

Niki- this girl can be scary I’ve seen her talk to her chat about the way men treat her pop off queen you could absolutely batter anyone but only would hurt the people who wrong her and I would never do that to her

Sam- golden retriever, sweetheart. So sweet and wonderful. Could punt me if he wanted to but he’s too nice for that

Foolish- himbo: beefy, dumb and kind.

Eret- 6’3 +7 inch platforms, dangerous but it’s not practical it’s ✨ fashion ✨

Ponk- I wholeheartedly believe ponk could clart me but would absolutely hesitate because she’s very sweet and I love them hashtag lemon society

Simply would not fight in the first place

Callahan.

[egcdeath]

checkmate

summary: you’ve always refused to lose, and love was no exception. (gone girl-ish au)

pairing(s): ransom drysdale x dark!reader, a special mystery guest ;) 

word count: 3.7k

warnings: 18+ because of heavy themes! faked death, framing of crimes, manipulation, alluding to sex, alluding to cheating, terrible relationship dynamic, very loose usage of the word crazy/psychotic, implied mention of self harm, brief choking & slapping (in a non sexual way lol), pregnancy trapping (idk if thats the right term), the reader is a very bad human being, overuse of italics  *please let me know if i’m missing any warnings!

author’s note: this is my 2nd submission for @stargazingfangirl18’s 5k soft dark challenge, i decided to make the reader dark >:) but ransom is also not a good person. I used these prompts: “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.” & The town golden *girl isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks.

this is definitely the most unhinged thing i’ve ever written, but blame @literate-lamb for making me write this because when i pitched this to her and said that i’d probably never write it, she enabled me. 

okay that's enough from me. join my taglist if you want :D

“I know women whose entire personas are woven from a benign mediocrity. Their lives are a list of shortcomings: the unappreciative boyfriend, the extra ten pounds, the dismissive boss, the conniving sister, the straying husband. I've always hovered above their stories, nodding in sympathy and thinking how foolish they are, these women, to let these things happen, how undisciplined. And now to be one of them! One of the women with the endless stories that make people nod sympathetically and think: Poor dumb bitch.” Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Your whole life, you’d considered yourself a competitive person. Constantly overcompensating for one thing or another, whether it was the chronic desire to achieve perfection that had been installed in you since you were a little girl, or your persistent internalized sense of inadequacy. You realized early on that it was much better for you to win than for you to lose, no matter the physical, emotional, or mental cost of the prize of perfection.

For the most part, this mindset worked out for you. You graduated as Valedictorian from your high school, neared the top of your graduating class at Harvard. God knew you earned it, all those tears you shed into overpriced textbooks, all the popping of unprescribed Adderall, and robbing yourself of the parties and social events that the rest of your peers gladly indulged in. 

You were just different, which was why you gained a job nearly immediately after your exit from school, quickly climbing to the top at the Blood Like Wine publishing company after only a few years of being there. 

And one night, at the party celebrating the release of A Thousand Knives when you laid your eyes on Hugh Ransom Drysdale, the grandson of your boss, you knew that you needed to have him. Rich, hot, a bit of an asshole. You deserved to finally complete your image, and that socialite flavored eye candy seemed to fit the part perfectly. Luckily for you, he was desperate. It only took a few tugs on your dress’ V-line, and a number of knowing smirks to find yourself being finger-banged in his family manor’s bathroom.

From there, you wormed your way into his life. Leaving belongings at his place as an excuse to come back, and offering booty calls in the middle of the night. Ransom must’ve been much more desperate than you originally thought, as it really only seemed to take one night of stroking his hair while he vented about his family to make him want to be with you. Men with mommy issues were always so easy. 

Except, he wasn’t that easy. The longer you got to know Ransom, the more fucked up you realized he really was. He had no boundaries at all, became jealous and enraged at the drop of a pin, and occasionally told you things that made the hairs on your arms rise. 

This of course all came to a head after the night of Harlan’s 85th birthday party. When the news broke of his tragic death, you’d immediately known it was the works of your Hugh. If your intuition wasn’t enough, his confession in the shower, where he’d demanded you take off your clothes to display that you were without a bug, certainly was. 

You were completely devastated. The man that you’d invested so much into for years had thrown both his and your reputations down the drain in just a matter of hours. Of course, you felt bad for Harlan too. He was a good guy (when he wasn’t instigating a family fight).

Still, you showed up during the funeral in your best mourning clothes and dawning your biggest crocodile tears. You rubbed Linda’s back while she mourned the loss of her father, and the new truth about her husband. You played dumb when interrogated by some Southern private investigator, even giving Ransom an airtight alibi. You testified on his behalf in court with enough conviction to grant you an Emmy. 

You’d gotten so far, devoted so much energy into him, that you simply refused to lose now. 

To your friends, you’d seemed to lead a near perfect life. Dream job, dreamy boyfriend, dream bank account, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted more, you just didn’t know what. 

It dawned on you while sipping mimosas at the country club, Ransom playing tennis with his friends just a few yards away from you while Danielle showed off her brand new engagement ring, a .59 Carat Asscher Diamond, that if you heard her speak of again, would probably make you lose your shit.

You zoned out as she droned on and on about the shape, and how Matt proposed to her in their own private room in one of the most exclusive Parisian restaurants, instead focusing on how you could find yourself in the same position as that airhead next to you. In all honesty, you couldn’t stand the idea that someone was doing better than you, let alone someone in your own social circle. Dani got all the bragging rights of being engaged to the heir of some tech giant, being the first in your friend group to get eloped, and worst of all, Matt wasn’t even making her sign a prenup. 

You blankly watched Ransom from afar, taking occasional sips from your sweet drink, while you thought of how you deserved all of that and more, and you were going to get it one way or another. 

——

It didn’t take much to come up with something, your first and most obvious plan being to simply ask Ransom when he was going to propose to you. Of course, this wasn’t the first time you’d tried to approach him about this subject, you just wondered if maybe this time things would be different.

Panting heavily after a rather rough night in bed, you rolled off of your boyfriend’s chest and gave him a messy, yet sincere kiss. You knew your man well, and if there was any time to pop the question, it was in his post-nut haze.

“Baby,” you said breathily, “I wanna ask you something.”

“Shoot,” he responded casually, glancing over at you. 

“When’re you gonna propose to me?” you hummed.

Ransom groaned and shook his head, rolling his eyes, “this is about Matt and Dani, huh?” he tutted, then extended a hand out to your warm cheeks so he could gently caress one with his thumb. “Thought we agreed marriage is just a piece of paper and it’s stupid.”

You huffed in response.

Of fucking course.

“I never said that,” you muttered, setting a hand on his broad chest. “Besides, it’ll be good if you get pissed and decide to like, kill your dad or something. Y’know, spouses don’t have to testify against each other in court.”

Ransom chuckled as if this whole thing was funny, like your feelings were some kind of sick joke to him. “You know my lawyers, babe. They could prove that bees don’t make honey. That bears don’t shit in the forest. I appreciate your attempt, though. This has been some really nice pillow talk.” 

“Whatever,” you muttered, pinching his nipple in retaliation before turning your back to him and yanking the blanket onto your side. 

You weren’t sure why you were so surprised that he was being stubborn, most of the time you felt like you were pulling teeth from the man. But that’s why you had a backup plan! You always had a backup plan. That’s what separated you from your boyfriend. Where Ransom was extemporized and impulsive, you were calculating and prudent. 

Although you devised your plan that very afternoon while watching your partner backhand small green balls, you were going to need some time to get everything in order, to prove Murphy and his stupid law wrong in making sure that everything that could go wrong wouldn’t. 

After all, love was a game. And you sure as hell weren’t losing to Hugh Drysdale. 

——

You sacrificed too much to have your plans ruined by some trust fund baby with impulsivity issues. You deserved your dream marriage, the stability you wished you had as a child. You wanted the white picket fence, and everything that came along with it. Your desire to be the best, to be perfect was what drove you to poke holes in every condom in the box, what led you to draw liters of your own blood in hopes of staging a fake crime scene, to buy a cheap getaway car and burner phone off of Craigslist, and reach out to a high school boyfriend who you knew was in a position as desperate as you. 

You planted seeds of doubt in your friends throughout the following weeks, feeding them lies about Ransom’s behavior, how you were afraid of telling him that you did in fact see two faint red lines on that damn plastic stick– only half of the statement truly being false–, telling them that he was behaving erratically lately.

It all was going without a hitch. Ransom didn’t seem to notice anything was off, despite your frequent visits to the bathroom and newfound affinity for true crime documentaries. 

You almost felt guilty, knowing the world of pain you were about to throw the man into. Granted, he deserved the pain. You were in a relationship with a genuinely terrible person, and that person had made a conscious effort not to commit to you. You tried to make this easy for him, give him a chance to say a few words to you and slide a ring on your finger, but no, he always seemed to take the hard route.

You slept like a baby the night before you were setting your plan in action. You made sure to uphold the facade of everything being fine, making Ransom a nice breakfast before sending him halfway across town to the hardware store with an oddly incriminating list.

Once he was out of the house, you hurried off to the fridge in the garage where you’d been keeping a small stash of your own blood. It wasn’t pretty, but it had to be done. You poured the blood throughout the kitchen, splattering bits of it on the counters and cupboards. You poorly cleaned the mess, just as he would.

You put your next move in motion, falsifying a home invasion. You tossed over a table and some chairs, throwing books and photos onto the floor, but left some aspects slightly untouched, like an upright picture frame to give yet another hint that things were not exactly what they appeared. 

You left a tiny blue post-it note on the nightstand of Ransom’s side of the bed, a quick and simple doodle of a ring along with the first initial of your name inked onto the tiny piece of paper. 

With that, you were off. Technically missing, soon-to-be presumed dead.

----

 The days following your disappearance had gone even better than you’d initially planned. Local news coverage had been all over you, search and rescue groups were assiduously looking for you, your parents had opened a tip line, and begged for you to get home safe on news segments. But the best part of it all was that Ransom had been briefly found himself in police custody, only to be released shortly thereafter. His past of an accused murder quickly made your disappearance even more of a national story, and you watched the whole thing unravel from the safety and comfort of your high school boyfriend, Andy Barber’s Newton home. 

Of course, you fed him the same lies you’d given to your friends, and seeing the rather lonely position he was in, he gladly let you stay with him. You were absolutely having a hay-day with it all, dedicating hours of your day to watching Ransom slowly unravel. Maybe it was a bit sadistic of you to enjoy torturing your partner so much, but he needed to learn his lesson. You deserved better. You needed Ransom to rise up to your level, allowing you to finally complete your image. To let you two appear to be the perfect couple. Really, this was all on him.

Andy, for the most part, had been a good host. He was gone for the majority of the day, dedicating himself to his work while you lounged around on his dangerously cozy couch. Around two weeks into your stay, you were sharing a box of pizza in the living room with your old lover when something interesting on the television caught your eye.

Ransom, broadcasted on CBS, being interviewed on your disappearance. 

You watched with wide eyes as Ransom begged for your return on national television. It was one thing seeing your mother plead for you to come back, the same woman who had installed such toxic behavior in you sob for your return, but Ransom. You’d never loved him more than in that moment.

“Hugh, if you could tell Y/N one thing, what would it be?” the interviewer asked.

Ransom turned, looking straight at the camera, directly into your soul, “Y/N, I love you so much. More than you’ll ever know. I need you to come back safely, to see you, to hold you again. I’d give anything in the world for that right now,” he looked down, a tear falling down his cheek. “I can’t live without you in my life, I-”

His sentence was cut off by Andy grabbing the remote, and turning off the TV. You turned your head and frowned deeply at him.

“Why’d you do that?” you asked with a bit of a pout.

“I just couldn’t stand listening to him talk about you like he hasn’t treated you like shit for the past few years. C’mon, let’s get ready for bed.”

Your blood boiled. Andy was once a means to an end, but now he was interfering. He was clearly much too selfish to see that you and Ransom were quite obviously soulmates. A match made in hell. 

You followed him to bed regardless, curling up on what had been your side of the bed for the past few days, and staring at the wall until Andy’s breaths moved from a soft and rhythmic pattern to loud snores. God, those snores were obnoxious. 

You slipped out of bed and to his dresser, grabbing two soft ties from the drawer, and daintily tying his wrists to each side of the bedpost.

“What‘re you doing?” he mumbled, instinctively yanking both of his wrists as he awoke.

“I’m going back home,” you whispered.

“You can’t be serious,” Andy huffed, tugging on the restraint attached to the headboard.

You shook your head, “I am.”

“I should’ve known. Why would you do something like this? Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in with the law?”

“Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in when the world finds out that you kidnapped me?” you retorted.

This threat seemed to wake him up right away, “what about this was kidnapping? I gave you a nice home, fed you, I didn’t even make a pass at you. I didn’t do shit to you,” he hissed. “You think I can’t prove that? I’m a lawyer, for god's sake!”

You nearly laughed, “Okay, Andy,” you paused for a moment, “As a lawyer, who do you think everyone’ll believe? Someone who the world was on a wild goose chase for in the last two weeks? Or the man with a family history of violence? Must I remind you that your father and your son have killed people?”

Andy shook his head, face pinched in sorrow at the mention of his deceased son, clearly a low blow. “You’re insane,” he muttered.

“Swear to god that you won’t tell a soul what happened here,” you leaned over him, getting right in his face. “Or I promise, Andrew Barber, I will ruin you. You’ll spend the rest of your life behind bars, or disbarred, or whatever the hell I decide to do with you. So keep your goddamn lips shut.” 

You pulled away and he solemnly nodded, not bothering to put up a fight. You loosened the fabric around his left wrist and walked out of the room. You picked up the keys to Andy’s Audi on your way out, checking the time as you adjusted the driver's seat. 

9:45 PM. Fatherhood really changed the man.

You pushed that thought aside and began your drive home, which turned out to be a surprisingly short trip. When you pulled up in front of your home, you were met with a slew of reporters outside of the house, along with a police car that seemed to be permanently camped there.

As you slowly got out of the car, a gasp, followed by a loud silence fell across the crowd. You limped for dramatic effect up the driveway as cameras followed you, and glanced back at them pathetically. From your peripheral view, you noticed the officers get out of their vehicle.

You finally got to your door, ringing the doorbell and waiting. You blinked harshly a few times, conjuring up the tears you needed to really make a spectacle of the event. After a few minutes, Ransom opened the door, eyes widening as he looked at you. He stepped out, and you wrapped him in as big of a hug as you could manage, genuinely missing his embrace. It was possible that you even let out a few real tears in the moment.

Your emotional embrace was interrupted by the man you recognized as Lieutenant Elliott, the same officer who’d been assigned to Harlan’s case. 

“Ma’am,” he began, only to be shut down by you. 

“Please, just let me be with my boyfriend,” you pleaded, crocodile tears streaming down your face as you spoke with the officer. You still needed time to get your story straight.

“Just give us the night, Lieutenant. We’ll come in first thing tomorrow morning,” Ransom added, furrowing his brows at the officer that he’d come into contact with far too many times. 

He looked to his partner, who shrugged, then to you, “enjoy your night.”

Cameras flashed around you as civilians, journalists, and newscasters alike attempted to catch your attention. You grabbed Ransom’s hand and dramatically pulled him inside, insincerely attempting to hide your face by ducking and covering half of your face with your arm. 

As soon as you were in the privacy of your own home, Ransom threw you against a wall. 

“Why. The fuck. Would you pull a stunt like that,” he hissed through gritted teeth, eyes wild, and a hand around your throat. 

You whimpered as he tightened his grip, rage clearly flowing through his system uncontrollably.

“Do you know what you did to me? You almost had me thrown in fucking jail. Do you understand that?”

You nodded weakly, “Ran,” you whispered, “the baby,” you glanced down at your stomach.

He paused, dropping his grip on your neck and staring at you in awe, “no…” 

You nodded again. 

“How…? You told me you were on the pill… You- you made me use protection…”

“Surprise?” you said weakly. 

“You’re a psychotic bitch.”

“I’m your psychotic bitch. And no child of mine will be born out of wedlock,” you taunted. 

“That’s what this is about?” Ransom laughed manically. “You did this all because I won’t fucking marry you?”

You didn’t even have to respond.

“I should send you to the loony bin right fucking now.”

“What happened to all those things you said to me on TV?”

“You’re fucking delusional. I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. And you will. I’ve had to put up with you and your stupid little antics for way too long. How do you think I felt when you killed your own grandfather?”

Ransom scoffed, throwing his hands up in exasperation, “you are so fucked up.”

“I’m the fucked up one? You killed your own blood in cold blood! You’re unhinged!” 

“You faked your own death for attention, and got pregnant while doing it! Is that baby even mine?”

“The fuck are you trying to say, Hugh?”

“I asked if it’s even mine.”

“Really. You’re accusing me of cheating on you. That’s rich considering Mia, Layla, and whoever the fuck else. You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous? You couldn’t have a normal adult conversation with me!”

“Are you kidding me? I asked you time after time to marry me and it was always some bullshit excuse!” you wagged a finger in his face as you spoke. “Oh, commitment scares me, oh, marriage is just a piece of paper, oh-“ you mocked his voice in a deeper tone before you were cut off by the sting of his hand against your cheek.

“Can you shut the hell up?” he growled at you as you held your own cheek, before you reached out and slapped him back, “I can’t believe that I’m stuck with such a deranged bitch for the rest of my life.”

“Maybe work on your vows a little, dear. I don’t think that those words are as charming to me as they’d be to the rest of our family and friends.”

“You can’t be serious,” he groaned.

“But I am,” you hummed, rubbing your cheek softly once again. “Look at how fast your life fell apart without me here. How quickly the public turned on you. Imagine how upset they’d be if you left me. I love you, Ran. I really do. You and I are perfect for each other, can’t you see that now?”

Ransom took a step away from you, pacing slowly in front of you. He ran a stressed hand through his hair, and took a long and drawn out breath, clearly at a loss for words.

“So when should we have the wedding? I’ve always wanted a Spring wedding, and I know it’s a little short notice, but I don’t want to be showing too much in my wedding dress,” you grabbed Ransom’s bicep gently, as if you were just having a regular old day with him, as if you hadn’t been choked and slapped moments ago. “But we can make it work. We always make it work, right?”

Your now fiancé stared vacantly at the wall ahead of him, giving you a slow, empty nod of agreement. 

“It’s settled then,” you smirked. “I’ll start looking at venues. You find me a nice ring, okay Honey? One that puts all those other bitches’ rings to shame,” you sighed pleasantly to yourself, “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before hurrying up the stairs and into your bedroom. You heard a distant shriek of  “fuck,” from Ransom, but you truly could not care less. 

You hopped into bed, grabbing your laptop from its charger and promptly opening it. You couldn’t help but to smile at your own reflection on the empty black screen. This wasn’t how you imagined your engagement, but you did the impossible. You tied yourself down to Hugh Ransom Drysdale, he went down kicking in screaming, and you were likely in for a lifetime of cheating and resentment, but you did it nonetheless. 

You finally won.