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linagram · 3 months ago

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[ 𝙺𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚒 𝚁𝚒𝚔𝚞'𝚜 𝚃𝟹 𝚅𝙳 ] 𝙷𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝙱𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗, 𝙲𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝙸𝚝 𝚊 𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚠

RIKU. OH RIKU. enjoyed writing both his mv and his vd a lot! hope y'all like it too :) (his mv and vd destroyed me)

Warnings for Riku's VD: descriptions of toxic relationships, suicide, bullying and self-harm.

Warnings for Riku's MV: same as his VD, not counting the bullying part, Riku also gets to be really violent in this one and there are a lot of mentions of blood.

(sounds of footsteps)

Miki: .. So..

Miki: It's time for us to interrogate your brother.

Hinode: .. Yes.

Miki: .. Hinode-san, how can you be so calm even though your own brother is one of the prisoners here?

Miki: How can you just.. be so calm even though your brother has murdered someone?

Miki: And not just that, you voted him guilty too. Again, I understand Eiji-san's situation, but-

Hinode: Because I always knew it will end up like this.

Miki: Huh?..

Hinode: I knew that their friendship will end with someone's death. I knew that it will either be Riku or it will be Yue.

Hinode: I.. I always knew it.

Miki: .. Why didn't you help him?

Miki: Why didn't you stop them? Why didn't you tell your own brother that this friendship will only hurt him?

Miki: Do you even love-

Hinode: NOT ALL OF US ARE AS OBSESSED WITH SAVING OTHERS AS YOU ARE!

Miki: ...

Hinode: .. I'm so sorry, Miki-san.

Hinode: It's just.. Haha..

Hinode: Who knows. Maybe I really don't care about Riku that much.

Hinode: .. I was too focused on my own pain to think about his pain too.

Miki: .. Sorry.

(the door opens)

Miki: .. Hello, Riku-san.

Riku: I heard you two arguing. Did something happen?

Riku: And, um.. Hello.

Miki: I-it's nothing. Please don't worry about it.

Miki: .. How are you feeling, Riku-san?

Riku: .. A little better, haha.

Hinode: ...

Riku: (to Hinode) .. Are you not going to say anything?

Hinode: .. I'm sorry about.. that.

Riku: *laughs* You're this scared to talk about your brother's suicide attempt?

Riku: .. No. No, that's not the right way to say it.

Riku: You're so used to my suicide attempts that you don't feel anything at all anymore.

Hinode: ...

Miki: .. Hinode-san..

Miki: .. You really are a terrible brother.

Hinode: .. I know.

Riku: Hey, hey, come on, let's talk about my crime instead.

Miki: B-but don't you want to talk more about how your life in Milgram has been?

Miki: I just want to know how you are-

Riku: I'm fine.

Riku: T-thanks to Akio-kun.. I'm fine.

Miki: But what about-

Riku: Guard 002.

Riku: Don't you think you should stop asking prisoners about things other than their crimes? Especially things that trigger them and make them uncomfortable?

Riku: If you care so much about us, why don't you respect our privacy?

Miki: ...

Miki: "His attitude towards me has.. completely changed."

Miki: "It's like he's not trying to make me trust him anymore."

(the sound of a screen turning on)

Eiji: That's what I like to hear. If you want to talk about your crime so much, let's start with your murder method.

Eiji: Guard 002 asked you about it the last time, but you didn't give a proper answer.

Eiji: So, how did you do it?

Riku: .. I thought you would have seen something like that in my video.

Miki: "Hinode-san told me everything about it, but I can't just tell Riku that I've heard it from his brother."

Miki: .. Did you.. use your reputation to make everyone hate Shiozaki-san?

Riku: ...

Riku: Yep. That's what the popular guys do.

Eiji: Popular guys don't just drive someone to suicide.

Riku: Hmm, I disagree. Our whole existence makes others wish they were either just like us or simply dead.

Riku: I'm sure at least one person was close to committing suicide just because of how great I am.

Miki: .. And you're proud of it?

Riku: Sure. I had the same thoughts every single day, why wouldn't I be happy that someone feels the exact same way because of me?

Riku: It's like.. a compliment, really. Like wow, I'm so cool that someone would rather die than continue living their boring and pointless life that has me in it!

Eiji: .. We should've voted you guilty twice.

Riku: But anyway, yeah, I just used my popularity to spread gossip about him and told everyone how bad Yue is and that it would be better if the guy just killed himself already..

Riku: And it worked! Yay~

Hinode: .. You're not actually that happy about his death, are you?

Riku: .. What do you mean?

Hinode: Sure, you still have your band, your friends, your classmates, but..

Hinode: Yue understood you like no one could. He gave you as much attention as you needed.

Hinode: It could've been overwhelming, but it was the exact amount you needed. That's why you couldn't have just ended your friendship like a normal person would.

Riku: .. Why don't you just continue to sit here and not say anything?

Riku: You never understood me, Hinode-

Hinode: Your whole family doesn't understand you. That's one of the many reasons why Yue's death will only make your life more miserable.

Hinode: Your main source of attention and affection is gone.

Hinode: Who will you start feeding off this time? Akio-san?

Hinode: You don't see people as people, you just see them as pairs of eyes that are supposed to only look at you.

Riku: .. Says the guy who stole all of our parents' affection.

Eiji: Shut up, you two.

Eiji: First of all, I don't want to know anything about what was going on between Riku and Yue. I'm only interested in the murder.

Eiji: And also..

Eiji: If your parents pay more attention to only one of their children, it's their fault. The other child is not the one to blame.

Eiji: And.. maybe the child that gets more attention is not the one to blame either.

Riku and Hinode: ...

Riku: .. Yue was planning to jump off the school rooftop.

Riku: And not just that. I was the one who suggested it.

Riku: I left a note for him that said I'm tired of everything and that I want to end it all, but I'm not doing it without him.

Riku: Of course, he agreed and came to the rooftop, but..

Riku: This wasn't supposed to be double suicide. It was basically supposed to be.. murder that would look like suicide.

Riku: Me and my friends came to look at it and.. taunt him a little, I guess.

Riku: Like, we were just going "Jump! Jump! Jump!"

Miki: Were your friends really.. okay with all of this?

Riku: Eh, I don't know and I also don't care.

Riku: Maybe they really are this cruel, maybe they just didn't want to lose their status. Who knows.

Riku: But then.. I walked up closer to Yue.

Riku: I just wanted to continue making fun of him, nothing more. Maybe, also, um.. Push him a little.

Eiji: Making fun of him and pushing him are two different things. You weren't trying to get him to commit suicide anymore, you were trying to kill him yourself.

Riku: Come on, I was just.. bullying him a bit. Like all friends do.

Miki: ".. Sometimes I forget how insane Riku-san is."

Riku: B-but.. Um..

Riku: Then, Yue hugged me. I thought that maybe he wanted to hug me for the last time before he jumped, but..

Riku: .. H-he wanted to fall with me.

Riku: H-he wanted us to jump together.

Riku: Y-you don't understand, he even pulled out a boxcutter that we used to-

Riku: A-and he said that he was going to stab me if I didn't jump with him.

Riku: He was that insane. I was the victim. Please trust me.

Eiji: So he was so obsessed with you that he was okay with dying, but only if that meant you kept your promise and you two committed double suicide..

Eiji: .. Heh. Things are getting interesting.

Miki: T-there's nothing interesting about it! It's just.. it's just..

Riku: So anyway, I tried to fight back, but he hugged me again and..

Riku: W-we almost fell off the roof.

Riku: And then my friends tried to save me and..

Riku: T-they did. A-as you can see, I'm still alive.

Riku: My shoe fell off, but it's.. fine.

Miki: .. So Shiozaki-san ended up falling, but you survived?

Riku: .. Y-yeah.

Riku: Stop looking at me like that! Do you think it would be better if I died with him?

Eiji: Yes, actually.

Riku: What-

Eiji: You deserve it, like a murderer that you are.

Riku: How- H-hey, Hinode! Don't you want to protect your little brother?!

Hinode: .. I knew that you were the one responsible for his death, but..

Hinode: .. How can I care about my little brother, when he's..

Hinode: When he's even more cruel than me?

Riku: .. Come on. Come on, at least someone in this room has to care about me.

Riku: Miki-chan.. Miki-chan, please..

Miki: .. Please, shut your mouth, Riku-san.

Miki: I'm so tired of you.

(the bell rings, machinery sounds)

Riku: .. You will forgive me, right?

Riku: You understand that I'm the victim, right?

Miki: I thought you changed, Riku-san.

Miki: You could've died, but you were saved by the person you hated. I thought this would change you.

Miki: Even Miyagawa-san has changed.

Riku: .. But I'm innocent.

Riku: I was just trying to survive. It was either me or him. It was basically self-defense.

Riku: You will just vote me guilty again? You want me to die this badly?

Riku: MY WHOLE EXISTENCE IS ALREADY THIS PATHETIC SO YOU JUST WANT TO KILL ME OFF?!

Riku: IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF SAVING ME?!

Miki: I-it doesn't mean that you will die-

Riku: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO YOU!

Eiji: You don't have the same power here that you used to have back in school.

Riku: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? DO YOU WANT ME TO FALL ON THE GROUND AND SAY HOW SORRY I AM AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS? DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST STAB MYSELF OVER AND OVER?!

Miki: "I should use the memory machine-"

Riku: DON'T MOVE!

Miki: ...

Riku: I know what you're trying to do.

Riku: If you use that memory thing on me, I will still find ways to hurt myself. And you don't want that, right? Because you're our savior, right?

Miki: You won't-

Riku: What, do you think my brother will stop me? Do you think.. uh.. I forgot his name, anyway, you think Guard 001 will stop me?

Riku: Nobody in this prison cares about me. I had to learn this the hard way.

Miki: .. But Miyagawa-san does.

Riku: ...

Miki: And I don't think he just sees you as a replacement for someone anymore.

Riku: .. He's just another source of attention to me.

Riku: .. Fine. Do whatever you want.

Riku: It doesn't matter if I live or die, I will still continue to suffer. It's like I was born to do exactly that.

Miki: .. Thank you for trusting us.

Hinode: Wait a minute, Miki-san.

Hinode: Riku.

Riku: *sighs* What do you want?

Hinode: .. I know that our relationship is impossible to fix. We'll never be as close as we should be.

Hinode: You're mad at me and I'm mad at you. But..

Hinode: Sorry. I wish I could've been a better brother.

Riku: ...

Eiji: ...

Riku: .. I wish you could've been better too.

Miki: .. A-are you ready now?

Riku: Yeah. Guess it's time to sing my final song, haha.

Miki: .. How can you still make jokes in this situation?

Riku: 'Cause I'm too used to suffering. No matter what you choose, it will bring me nothing but pain.

Riku: I want to live, sure, but I want to live a better life.

Riku: .. I don't want to go home.

Miki: .. Prisoner 009, Riku, put all your heart into this song and sing your sins.

42% ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░░░░░░░░ 100%

[ Riku's Trial 3 MV: Sun Sets, Games End ]

The video starts with showing us many different scenes, all of them appear for a second or two. We see an orange sky with some clouds and then we see a seesaw, a swing, a bench, a merry go round and a tree.

We see little Riku sitting in his room and trying to do his homework, but it looks like it's hard for him to stay focused. He gets distracted again, sighs and walks to his window. He can see a playground next to his house from it. As he's looking at it, he gets scared when he sees a familiar figure playing there.

"Press "START GAME" to begin

But I want this to end

Please go away, I don't wanna see you

Please go away, playing as your friend is getting tiring"

It's little Yue who notices him too, turns to him, smiles and waves at him. We see Riku still standing in his room and it looks like he's not sure if he should go outside. He looks at his homework again.

"But I am still lonely, my heart's about to break

This desire for attention is getting too strong for me to handle

I guess I'll play another round today"

Riku and Yue are playing on a seesaw now and Yue is having a lot of fun and Riku is smiling too, but his smile looks forced.

"We're going up, look at us, we're still friends

We're going down, we're arguing again

No balance, this relationship is too unstable

Friends? Enemies? What role am I supposed to play?"

Yue is laughing and suddenly, he falls off of it. Riku is already standing not so far away from him and we can see that Yue is definitely injured. But for some reason, Riku isn't in a hurry to help him and it actually looks like he's hesitating to do so.

"We're supposed to be friends, so I'm supposed to help you

But I don't feel anything at all

My head is empty, I don't wanna do anything

Maybe this game will end if I just ignore you"

Now, they're on a swing. Yue's head is bleeding, but he doesn't care and even though Riku looks worried, he doesn't say anything. Yue is still laughing and enjoying this, but then, he falls again. And this time the fall is more serious.

Riku runs up to him and sees that Yue is lying in a pool of blood coming from his head injury. He's visibly panicking and doesn't know what to do, but if you look closer, you can see that it looks like he's trying really hard not to smile. Suddenly, he sees that Yue is still able to move and Yue gets some of his own blood on his finger and starts drawing a heart on Riku's cheek. When he's finished, Riku is shocked, but Yue is still smiling.

"Let's play until the sun goes down, let's play until we see the sky turn purple

That's what they want us to do anyway

Hey, are you having fun? Aren't you tired? Don't you wanna go home already?

"Nope, I'm just getting started!" Well, let me end everything here"

We see the sky slowly turn pink. We see older versions of Riku and Yue now (17 and 18 years old) sitting on a bench. Riku is helping Yue bandage his arm. Yue also has some bandaids on his face and bandages on his other arm, but he looks like he's even enjoying the process and watches Riku do so with a smile. We can see their school bags on the bench as well and there's a box cutter and scissors sticking out of one of them.

"More years, more pain, more fighting

More attention, more joy, more love

Will this game ever end? Will it be as long as my life?

If that's the case, I know how to quit"

It starts raining and Riku is trying to get back home as quickly as possible, but Yue seems to be taking his time. Riku turns to him and tries to call him, but then we see a lightning flash. Yue gets excited and runs off somewhere and Riku tries to follow him and another lightning almost strikes Yue.

"Why are you like this? Why are you doing this?

Do you want to end this game already, just like me?

Then let's press "QUIT GAME", please, this can't go on

With tears in your eyes, with blood on your hands, you smile again"

Riku and Yue are in Riku's room now and Riku is drying Yue's hair with a towel. The scene looks surprisingly peaceful. We can even hear rain sounds in the background. Yue still has the same happy expression on his face while Riku is really stressed. The door opens and we see a woman that seems to be Riku's mother and she smiles after seeing Riku and Yue together like this. Yue smiles too and holds Riku's hand. His grip looks really tight and we also can see that Riku's fingers have some bandaids on them too.

The sky is purple now. We see the playground again. Riku and Yue are playing on a merry go round. Yue is having fun as always, even though he has even more bandages on his body now, while Riku's eyes look completely empty, his hair is more messy and he's not trying to hide his scars anymore.

"It keeps going and going and going and going

I don't think I will ever be able to escape this hell

We keep playing and playing and playing and playing

Let me turn it all off, let me close my eyes and wait for the end"

The merry go round stops as Yue points at a tree we saw in the beginning of the video.

Yue tries to climb it as Riku watches him. It looks like Riku doesn't want to join him, but he still follows him. They're climbing together now and Yue gets on the highest branch. He looks even happier than before as he watches the sky become a darker shade of purple, but when he turns to look at Riku, Riku quickly makes him fall off the branch.

"Let's play until the sun goes down, let's play until we see the sky turn purple

That's what you want me to do anyway

Hey, are you having fun? Aren't you tired? Don't you wanna go home already?

"Nope, I'm just getting started-" SHUT UP ALREADY AND LET ME END THIS!"

Riku gets down. There's even more blood than in the beginning of the video. Yue's eyes and face expression make it look like he really is dead. Finally, Riku shows a genuine smile for once, even though this smile makes him look more insane rather than happy. He starts laughing and he sees one of the branches on the ground and starts hitting Yue's body with it.

"Beating you with my words, my power, my reputation

If I say "Kill him", they will follow me

Please, just die, just die already

That's the only thing you have to do to make me happy"

But then, it's revealed that Yue is still alive and just like in the beginning, he gets some blood on his finger, but this time he puts his finger in Riku's mouth. Riku is shocked and disgusted, but Yue is still smiling.

"No, no, what are you doing

We weren't supposed to end up like this

I'm not gonna follow you, you're going there alone

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, WHY WON'T YOU JUST END IT?!"

Riku continues to hit him with the branch, until he eventually gets tired and his body is just lying on top of Yue's now. Both boys are covered in blood and there's so much blood that it's getting harder to recognize them.

"And we're still repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating

This cycle of pain and abuse and torture all over again

INNOCENT? GUILTY? Both options are too painful

Even though you're gone, my heart is still broken"

We see someone watching this scene from what appears to be a classroom. There's not just one person, there's a lot of students watching and we can't see their face expressions. One of the students turns to the camera. It's Riku, who is still covered in blood. He looks happy.

"I can't see the sun anymore, the game's finally over

Congrats, you're the winner, you got your prize

Haha, don't worry, I'm not mad at you

You got there first, but I'm okay with the second place"

The video ends.

#*falls on the floor* RIKU WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS!!!!#but. yeah yeah this a hard choice.#i think one of the verdicts would be slightly better but only slightly. the boy is doomed either way #also i had a lot of fun writing the lyrics. that last bit with yue getting first and riku getting the second place... THE IMPLICATIONS!!!#🎤 voice dramas! 🎤#🗡️guard 001: sanada eiji 🗡️#🌼guard 002: andou miki 🌼#❤️‍🩹 guard 003: kuroki hinode ❤️‍🩹#🎸prisoner 009: kuroki riku 🎸#milgram #milgram oc #milgram project #ocgram

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raisingsupergirl · 7 years ago

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Giving Up: A Valentine's Day Mash-Up

Valentine's Day is weird, but I recognize its importance. Life is crazy, and it only gets crazier the older we get. We're bombarded with constant obligations and distractions, and sometimes it's nice to force ourselves to remember what the most important things are, even if it's only for one day. But this year, VD is forced to share the spotlight with Ash Wednesday, which marks the first day of Lent. And for the first time, this dual-day has allowed me to see the connection between the two.

Think about it. What is love (Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more…)? Sure, it's defined simply as, "An intense feeling of deep affection," or "a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone," but we all know any definition of this particular four-letter word invariably falls short. And for me, love is intimately tied to that Bible verse that's used at literally every wedding ever:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

So how does this quote differ from the dictionary definitions? The way I see it, the definitions are feelings, and the Bible quote is full of actions and characteristics. It goes beyond a chemical chain-reaction to a place that we can almost visualize. And what do all of those characteristics have in common? Well (unlike the dictionary definitions), they're all in direct opposition with every natural human impulse.

It's almost like loving someone requires work. Like… the more you give—the more you "die to self"—the deeper your love grows for the recipient of your efforts. And the more I think about it, the more this definition sounds like Lent.

If you're Catholic, you may have a firm grasp on what I'm talking about. If not, well, the premise (if you want to know the history, there's this thing called Google) of Lent is this—You give up something that means a lot to you for 40 days (more or less) until Easter Sunday in order to remind you of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Yes, I realize there's more to it than that (if Catholics are good at one thing, it's assigning superfluous rules and meanings to things). But that's the spirit of it, and it's the reason I always participate in Lent even though I'm Protestant.

You see, I have things that I put before God. Things I value deeply that sit at the forefront of my mind (writing, work, youth ministry, quiet time). And then I have all of these other things that don't mean squat to me, but they still suck up mental energy (YouTube videos, mindless games, beer, fast food). And the things in both of these categories hinder my ability to love deeply. And there are two people in this universe who deserve the kind of love I'm talking about (which I believe is different than the love shared by blood relatives, but that's a different conversation): God and my wife. And this year, that love is intertwined in a way that gives me a deeper appreciation for it.

So what does all of this look like in practice? Well, as I've said, I participate in Lent every year, which means giving up a list of the things that get in the way of my love for God. And this year, as I make my list, I'm realizing that most of the items also get in the way of loving my wife. Which means there's a double reason to give them up for a while so I can better appreciate what these two deities mean to me. And just for fun, I've categorized each item according to the seven deadly sins (I mean, if I'm going to pretend to be Catholic, why not go big?). So without further adieu, here are a few of my most habit-forming things that I will be giving up for Lent, for God, and for my wife:

Lust:

1) I will have eyes only for my wife. Any time this is not the case, I will immediately stop and think of four things that I find attractive about her.

2) I will refrain from pushy comments toward my wife regarding intimacy. I will approach the subject with respect and grace.

Gluttony:

1) I will give up alcohol. Completely. I'm serious. And I will smoke my pipe no more than one time a week.

2) I will go out to eat a maximum of twice per week and I will not eat unless I'm hungry (this is literally the scariest commitment on this list).

Greed:

1) I will ensure than my family gives a full tithe (10% of our income) to the local church, and I will add a portion of my personal "fun money" above that.

2) I will tip 20% anytime I go out to eat, and I will buy one thing for someone else every week.

Sloth:

1) I will check social media a maximum of one time per day. I will give up all YouTube (and other fruitless videos). I will limit television (without setting a specific amount). Instead, I will use that time to do more reading, writing, and meaningful reflection to find beauty and love in the world.

2) I will exercise at least twice per week (ugh).

Wrath:

1) I will not raise my voice in anger. Ever. Even when my wife demonstrates how easy it is. Furthermore, I will speak every word through the filters of love and wisdom.

2) I will meditate every day on a specific grudge that I am holding onto and pray that I release those grudges and the offending persons from my anger.

Envy:

1) I will build up other writers who are in some ways competing for the "same piece of the pie," even if it means risking my own success.

2) I will nurture my wife's relationship with my daughters, even in the face of the unfounded fear that it may harm my own relationship with all of them.

Pride:

1) I will not believe that I am inherently better than anyone. In practice, this will (amongst other things) include the dividing up of domestic duties with my wife.

2) I will give up believing I that deserve anything that I desire. Everything I have is always given in some way or another.

Okay, that's it. Some of the things on this list are trivial, and some of them are terrifyingly personal. Sure, they will all technically end after a month and half, and I'll certainly fail at least once (almost certainly much more than once), but every time I succeed with something here, I'll strengthen my enduring love for God, for my wife, and every other individual that isn't hardwired into my genetic code.

Lastly, let's clarify that my slapdash philosophies on the connection between God and man are shaky, at best, and there is certainly an unbreakable desire to love and be loved by Him. But gosh, we're just so good at re-directing that love toward harmful pursuits that accurately connecting with it (because of sin and other church-y things) requires intentional choices.

So, wish me luck. This is my most ambitious Lent to date, and I can't wait to see what lasting effects it has on my life. And happy Lententine's Day, y'all. I hope yours was as meaningful as mine was.

#valentine's day #lent #love #sacrifice #marriage #Ash Wednesday #easter #religion #momblr #mumblr #dadblr

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