#also feel free to send me any thoughts you have I’m really curious

[everythingmp3]

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞

𝐓𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐨𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

after having given into the pull you feel towards each other, both you and Tess are left to deal with all the intense emotions of possibly falling in love: the thrill, the joy, the courage it takes to fully open your hearts up. you spend a few days growing even closer, figuring out how to let go of all fear and embrace the bliss of having each other.

author’s note: (part 2 of this fic!). I’d definitely go read at least the description of part one before reading this one!originally I wasn’t gonna make it multiple parts but some really sweet feedback made me go back and this is basically an exploration of the early stage of falling in love, it delves much deeper into both of their feelings but there’s also some humor and lightness in there, Joel has a few appearances, it’s pretty long so there’s a lot in there. also again I never played the game, this is about Anna’s Tess! enjoy <3

warnings: minors dni. smut (reader receiving, oral), some discussions of heavier personal issues but nothing dark

wordcount: 13.7k

the next morning Tess woke up the same exact way she´d woken up all the mornings before in Jackson: right around 7:30, the sun casting the same shadows onto her floor, laying on the same side of the bed, but she felt completely different. usually she felt nothing that early in the day, but that morning as she came to her senses, the images of what had happened the night before, of you, immediately flooded her mind and left her in a state of blissful half-consciousness, a daydream that made her stay in bed a little longer. 

at the same time Tess also felt a quiet sense of dread, knowing that she would have to be subtle about her feelings for you whenever others were around, and she was self aware enough to know that she was anything but subtle; once she let herself grow attached to someone, it went from indifference to obsession in no time, she was not one for “taking it slow”, she´d never been, but thankfully she had a feeling you weren´t either.

still, it had been a while since anyone had gotten through to her the way you had, since she´d let anyone close at all, so all of a sudden she remembered just how intense she was when she truly cared. part of it was a deep need to protect you, to make sure you felt safe because of her presence, even when she was not in the room with you, her standards for what she should be for those she loved were high, even more so with you than with anyone before and Tess realized very quickly how incapable she was of being casual about what happened, how unthinkable it was to just see where it would go without already feeling devoted to you. 

when she thought back to how you had looked at her the night before, how you´d put your heart in her hands, trusting she´d know what to do with it, it almost made her lose her mind with the desire to go out there and find you and have you in her arms again, to feel your body relax into hers again, to give you the relief you so clearly needed and for some miraculous reason found in her presence. but of course it wasn´t all that noble, deep down there was also a simple visceral aspect to it, the vision of your body under hers was burned into her mind and no amount of self control could conceal the truth: that she wanted to get her hands on you again, desperately.

sitting at the edge of her bed that morning, it all came crashing over her, so after about ten minutes of staring into space she told herself to get a grip, got up, and splashed some cold water on her face before joining Joel for breakfast downstairs. 

as she walked into the kitchen she could see Joel pouring two cups of coffee and she was glad he had his back turned, so she could brace herself for a second before talking. Tess sat down at the table and Joel wordlessly put the cup down before taking his place opposite her, leaning back and taking a sip as he regarded her with a knowing grin, “so... sleep well? any sweet dreams?” his voice lowered for emphasis on those last two words, she shot him a slightly stern look, “absolutely none I´d share with you” he knew she was one for overthinking so he was trying to get her to relax a little, make the mood lighthearted, “right, fair enough. but you do look.. I don´t know you usually look more tired at this hour, you have a certain glow”, she took a sip and watched him gesture at her, her eyes narrowed, “a glow? are you trying to be a poet, Miller?”, he kept looking at her, amused, “no I just mean-”, she finished his thought, “you mean the “this person finally got laid” glow? that one?”, not expecting that he laughed, “hey you said it not me” throwing his hands up theatrically. 

she shook her head, finally cracking a smile too, “yeah I really don´t know what the fuck is happening to me Joel” she admitted, drumming her hands on the table, spaced out for a moment, he leaned forward to talk more seriously then, “well. it´s simple isn´t it”, she knew what he meant, “you like her”, she didn´t look at him but made a “hmm” sound of agreement, fidgeting with her hair. 

Joel was almost endeared by seeing his jaded friend so uncharacteristically out of it, nothing made her nervous back in the QZ, ever, not gunfire, not a group of men that are were a few heads taller than her, not even while getting beaten up did she ever seem afraid, he could count on one hand the amount of times he´d seen her lose her cool, so watching her hard facade crumble because of a girl, it made him discover a side of her he hadn´t seen in all the years they´d known each other, and it was moving to him in a way, that of all things love would be the thing to force her to her knees, to render her defenseless. 

“I think I should keep it to myself right? I mean we should be discreet about it?” he considered it, “I mean. I will say I have seen much stranger couples around town, truly some odd fuckin´pairs that make you two look boring as hell, but I won´t lie, it would probably take a little time for people to.. you know get it. what you two have”. she understood, that was what she´d thought, “yeah I think it might be smart to keep it private. even though I´d fucking hate for her to feel like I´m ashamed or something, that´s the last thing I am. I mean fuck, if anything I´d wanna brag”, he crossed his arms, shifting his posture, “can´t blame you, I think you could get some really priceless reactions out of the younger guys who tried their luck with her, when they realize that their biggest competition was some strange out of town woman”. Tess laughed then, feeling some tension leave her body, enjoying that age old feeling of not having to censor herself at all around him, “yeah. that would be pretty fucking entertaining.”. he downed the rest of his coffee and said one last thing on the issue, “whatever you decide in the end, just know, if anyone ever does give you two trouble, I´ll take care of it, alright? they won´t do it twice.” since they´d been in Jackson, Joel had turned into a more gentle, polite version of himself to blend in, that morning was the first time his old self came back to the surface, the first genuine threat of violence Tess had heard from him since they´d arrived, and it felt good, to know that he was still always on her side, always ready to jump to her defense, even when she was being reckless and getting into something that he easily could have judged her for. 

“so, we´re starting on the attic today right?” Tess said as she got up and put away the cups, “yes, I think it needs a paint job, the windows are a little fucked, and some floorboards are loose, but other than that it should be pretty nice in no time”, since they´d arrived in Jackson a few weeks earlier they´d been planning on how to fix up their house, both of them eager to prove that they were capable of proper physical labor. “but it´s still early, there´s not rush, if you wanna.. you know get some air, walk around before being stuck up there” it was probably a good idea for her to clear her head, so she got her jacket and stepped out. 

it was a foggy morning, she couldn´t even see all the way down the street as she slowly made her way towards the center of town. of course she knew there was a chance of running into you but she still felt a rush of adrenaline when she reached the outside of the dining hall and saw you sitting there on a bench by yourself, you didn´t see her as she came closer, so for a moment she just stood there, looking at you, reminding herself that the urge to embrace or kiss you would have to wait til later, telling herself to keep her instincts in check before briefly resting her hand on your shoulder to make you turn around. the moment you looked at her and smiled, Tess remembered just how little it took for you make her feel warm, even in the icy morning air, and you saw it, how glad she was to see you, for a moment it felt like an extended dream, like something you´d imagined, but it was real, her touch brief but the impact lingering on after.

“hey!” you said, your tone different than if anyone else had stood there, excitement in there that was not typical for you, shifting the way you were sitting to make space for her, “come, please, sit” she nodded, “so, how are you?” she asked, sitting down next to you, “better than ever actually, for some reason” you said, an ironic inflection, seeing the satisfied look on her face as she answered, “yeah, me too”, the town was still waking up and hardly anyone was around, so you allowed yourself to reach for her hand, her grip on you strong and reassuring, the warmth of her palm reminding you of where else on your body it had rested the night before a slight flush on your face as you practically beamed at each other in silence, a shared moment of knowing exactly what the other person was thinking, no words were needed to know that it included things like i wish i could kiss you right now, i thought about you before falling asleep and after waking up, i am a little nervous, i have no idea when i last felt like this, if i ever did, it was all there in the air between you, locking eyes was enough to communicate it. 

once the moment passed you let go of her hand and leaned back, speaking first, “so, tell me, what are your plans today?”, while moving your leg so it would touch hers, two people sitting like that was not suspicious, it made you creative, the limitation of physical affection you could allow yourself in public, and admittedly part of it was hot, she grinned, feeling what you were doing “well, our house needs a little fixing up still, so I think we´ll be busy with that. and you?”, she kept her hands to herself but she was dying to reach out and caress your cheek, the way you were looking at her was killing her, all soft and open.“well” you gestured behind you “I´ll be in the kitchen all day. I´m on cooking duty”, “really? wow, didn´t figure you for a chef” she hadn´t pictured that as one of your jobs, “should I be offended by you sounding so surprised that I can cook?”, she laughed, “oh come on, you know what I mean, it´s hard to imagine the very limited resources in the QZ inspiring someone to learn how to cook”, she was right of course, after the outbreak the philosophy surrounding food was mostly be thankful for what you have, parents hardly bothered teaching kids elaborate culinary skills anymore, meals were a matter of survival, nothing more. “yeah I know, but I had my reasons to try my hand” she looked at you in a way that said “keep going”, “well, after my parents died and I started living with my friend her family I felt kind of self conscious about being there at times, so I guess becoming the family chef made me feel like I was useful” you smiled then, remembering something about that time, but she was hung up on the word useful, a little struck by a teenager thinking they could be considered useless by those taking care of them, it made her suspect your life with your parents hadn´t been all that easy either, it stung a bit, but she didn´t let it show. 

“so you´re telling me you were what, 15, 16, using your free time to cook for your household? you really are some kind of angel huh. I was a fucking nightmare at that age”, remembering how people had considered you tough and intimidating was becoming increasingly absurd to her, but you shook your head, “oh don´t be too quick with that assessment, I also got in trouble quite a bit” that intrigued Tess, she leaned closer, her voice lower, that tone that always went straight to your core, “oh really? how so?”, you stared at her, enjoying the genuine interest, “school was tough, I often got detention, always ended up fighting with teachers. I guess I had an authority problem” you mused, leaned your head on your arm then, looking up at her, making it even harder for her to just sit there and not touch you the way she actually wanted.

that last part was funny to her, that you were clearly not a fan of strict rules or being told what to do, including what you´d told her about Jackson being too regulated for you, but then with her you seemed to want exactly that: being taken care of, being told what to do, and she loved the idea of being an exception, that her kind of power was the kind you wanted to submit to, not push back against, it almost humbled her in a sense.“yeah I can picture that, you being too clever for them and getting on their last nerve” a pause then, “but they never seriously hurt you, did they? because I heard some awful stories about the schools in my QZ” a sudden flicker of something dark in her eyes, it was hot to you, but you reassured her, “I mean nothing crazy no. but if they did, what then? would you go out there and find them?” you joked but she didn´t smile, “maybe” you nudged her, “that´s very sweet of you, really”, but you weren´t just amused, it was an unfamiliar feeling, to have someone be that invested in your safety, even considering things that had happened long ago. she loosened up again, still, her sense of protectiveness extended even to your past self, perhaps because she felt a little guilty, that she´d grown up normally and you had to go through a lot as a kid, but in some way it also made her respect you, that you clearly possessed the strength that was required to grow up into a person as beautiful as you were, during the end of the fucking world. she was convinced you were the better person out of the two of you, there was no doubt about it to her, Tess was prideful at times but you made her feel a sense of humility that she liked. 

Tess could tell from the look in your eyes that you were were waiting for her to say something, anything, there was something pleading about it and for the second time she felt the urge to touch your face, only stopping her hand mid-air, which didn´t pass you by, you stared at her, still waiting for her to speak, she cleared her throat, “I know I put up a good front but just know it´s kind of killing me right now to sit here like we´re just friends”, you cocked your head, “we aren´t friends?” slightly teasing, she narrowed her eyes, “no. that´s not what I would call it”, a subtle grin on her face, you nodded, “if it makes you feel better I have been trying my best not to lean my head against your shoulder for the past few minutes, so...”, “don´t say that, jesus” she whispered, the image too endearing to her to be unaffected by it, you kept looking at her, not expecting the idea of a simple tender gesture like that to get to her, “yeah I should go I think this isn´t gonna end well if I stay any longer”, she sounded serious about it, and it did thrill you a little, for her to imply that you were irresistible to her. “okay. but um-” she looked at you expectantly, “yeah, what is it?” a sweetness to her tone that she never used with other people, “if you happen to take a break later, feel free to stop by in the kitchen, there´s a backdoor” you pointed to the wall at the back of the building “it´s open, I´ll be right down the hall” she nodded, charmed by your clear desire to see her again as soon as possible, which matched hers,  “okay, I´ll see what I can do” briefly touching your hand before getting up, deepening the ache of not being able to hold onto her, looking back down to where you were sitting for a moment, not wanting to leave you yet, watching you bask in the light of her attention, shifting your posture to face her. for second she thought out loud, “god. you´re so pretty..” barely audible but you did hear it, “what was that?” you teased, clearly you had heard it, she shook her head, “okay I am leaving now, you take care sweetheart”.

the next few hours passed quickly, you washed the produce, you sharpened knives, you let some things that would take longer simmer on low heat while chopping others, you were lost in the motions and didn´t register time passing. there was something that you had kept from Tess, which was that the reason you were known around town as someone who worked hard, who was eager to help out with any job at any time, had very little to do with the goodness of your heart.

it was a welcome side effect that people perceived you as diligent and reliable but the reason you took on as much work as you did was simple: it was the only reliable coping skill you had. in other environments your depressive moods and darker states of mind would have driven you to different methods of numbing yourself, but there was no secret drug scene in Jackson, the one available substance was alcohol and you were not one to drink on your own, there was no tv or other mindless entertainment to turn to, not even healthier ways of clearing your head like taking hour long walks, so the one thing you go sucked into was working yourself to a point of exhaustion, to a point where no thoughts could form anymore. the years in Jackson had been marked by various periods of deep despair, loneliness, and hopelessness, so to escape time, to escape your mind, you got into the habit of doing whatever you could to be occupied as much as possible: chopping wood for fireplaces, cleaning out the stables, sweeping the streets, helping people around their homes and in their gardens, cooking, anything, oftentimes doing so much in one day and forgetting food and drinking to a point of almost passing out on your doorstep multiple times at night.

people didn´t notice, you were good at stoically handling the pain, but it had worn you down, and even meeting Tess, being so flooded with joy, it didn´t magically kill the instinct to overextend yourself. usually people worked in shifts in the kitchen but you always told them you liked handling both lunch and dinner and to do it on your own, they bought the lie that it was relaxing to you, and some parts of it were, but you knew you´d have to stop overdoing it or eventually something ugly would happen. still, meeting Tess in the morning had left you in a better state of mind than any of the days before, that morning and early afternoon you were constantly zoned out thinking back to all the things she´d said, all the glances she´d given you, the details filling your body with a constant buzz, a lovestruck expression on your face that nobody was around to witness. 

around 2 pm Tess suggested to Joel that they should take a break and told him she´d be back in half an hour. the noises of the kitchen concealed any noise you could have picked up on as Tess walked down the hall that you´d mentioned earlier, so she saw you before you saw her as she stopped in the door frame for a moment, just watching you chop something faster and more skillfully than she ever could; other people got butterflies when they saw their lover with kids, Tess suddenly felt it as she saw you handling a potential weapon with such ease. 

she knocked to announce herself and you turned and waved her over, “oh thank god, you came!”, the enthusiasm was endearing to her, she slowly walked over to where you were standing, leaning back against a counter next to you, that painfully attractive she always had, “that´s a nice thing to hear walking into a room”, she smiled at you, taking in the sight of your face all flushed from the humid heat of the kitchen, your hair a little messed up, her knuckles straining with the suppressed need to pull you close. your gaze fell to a few streaks of white paint on her jeans that hadn´t been there earlier, you pointed at them, “so, how is that going, hm?” eyeing her, tilting your head, “not too bad, I have a lovely constant background noise of an old man complaining about his knees” she joked dryly, you laughed, “okay I see. well, I wouldn´t complain if I was in his place, getting to watch you do all that” your voice a little sultry then, she liked that you kept flirting with her even though you already clearly had her, “is that so?”, you nodded, “but I wouldn´t be much help I´m afraid, I don´t know shit about renovating”, “oh that´s fine, you could just sit there and look pretty for me”, she said, purposely drawing the words out in a low suggestive tone, watching your expression change, staring into your soul, enjoying the feeling of seeing your expression change. 

you were less timid than her, more willing to take a risk in that moment, so you dropped your knife and stepped over to where she was standing, your hands finding the sides of her neck, sending a shiver down her spine from the unexpected touch, before leaning in and kissing her the way you´d wanted to that morning, feeling her grab your face hard as she leaned into it with quite some force, both of you clearly having missed the other one even though you´d seen each other mere hours before, there was an immediate neediness to the kiss, you were making up for what you couldn´t do before kissing each other over and over, your lips turning a darker shades of red, swelling a little, her fingers in your hair, getting soft sighs out of you that drove her to deepen the kiss, just for a moment, just to hear something a little closer to a moan, she was being reckless and she knew it, but she couldn´t stop herself, and you were too wrapped up in it to deny her, chest to chest with her but still pressing yourself against her harder, until you both needed air and separated, throwing a glance to the door to make sure nobody was there, but you were alone still. 

you stepped back, straightening out your clothes and smiling with your gaze cast to the floor, hers on your side profile as she wiped her mouth, trying to breathe and get her heartbeat to a normal state again,  “I think I should abandon all this, so I can go back to your place with you, right?” she laughed, “absolutely yes.”, wishing it wasn´t just a joke. “oh by the way” you continued, more earnest then, still a little dizzy from the kiss, “I didn´t mention this earlier but if there´s anything you like to eat, tell me, and I´ll do it next time”, she nodded, “okay that´s sweet of you, I´ll think of something, but how about you don´t prepare it for everyone in town, do it for me at home instead” you grinned, realizing that she didn´t like the idea of everyone else being part of your gesture of affection, “you don´t like sharing, do you?” you weren´t talking about the food, her answer wasn´t about that either, she nodded, grinning “yeah, that´s right” her arms crossed, “alright. I´ll save my best meal for you and you alone, how about that?” you said, which was an easy way to win her over: playing into her possessiveness. “perfect. and I´ll find a way to repay you of course”, a suggestiveness to the words,  “I´m sure you will” you said, leaning back, smiling. Tess realized you two should probably plan when to really see each other again, not just in passing, “I suppose you´ll be pretty tired from all this tonight, so how about you get a good night sleep later and then tomorrow you can come over in the evening and we can do.. well whatever we want really. I´ll kick my roommate out” that got a laugh out of you, “alright, yes, sounds good to me”.

part of you wanted to protest, to suggest that you should come over later that night but you knew you would probably be better company once you were energized again. Tess moved to leave and you exchanged quick goodbyes before you turned around to continue your work, but before she could exit the door she looked back at you, and couldn´t go just yet. you stood with your back turned to her, and it was too tempting, so she walked back over, stopping once she stood right behind you.

 you felt her presence intensely but didn´t turn around, waiting to see what she was doing, a second later you felt her arms wrapping around you from behind, just below your waist, to gently pull you back against her front side, and the moment she did that she saw you putting down the knife and rest your palms flat against the counter, for some reason she knew your eyes were closed even though she couldn´t see it. she leaned close enough to your neck to leave a light kiss, your breath heavy by then, “see you tomorrow sweet girl” she whispered, counting on the fact that she´d just given you a glimpse of what to look forward to, which had worked of course, it took everything in you not to turn around and beg her to stay but you forced yourself let the feeling crash over you, to take it without breaking, so you let her hold you for a few more moments, trying desperately to soak the warmth of her hands up, before she let you go and vanished. 

walking back home, the joy Tess felt reminded her of how she often had complicated feelings about joy after the outbreak. for a long time she´d been tormented with nightmares about loved ones she´d lost, nightmares about them calling her unworthy of her survival, calling her selfish for moving on, for not being destroyed by grief, for trying to build something new for herself; she´d often woken up in a cold sweat feeling horrible about herself and ironically enough it often happened after she´d had a particularly good day. the thing was, that as she got older she realized that despite all the pain, she´d been afforded a freedom that she wouldn´t have had in her previous life. at first she felt awful for even thinking about it, but it was the truth, before she´d have grown old as a mother and wife, she´d have had very clear positions as a woman, duties to fulfill whether she felt like it or not, but somehow it had all turned out differently; there she was, after getting over the worst of it all with nobody to answer to, no spouse, no child, not even an employer, she was free to be whatever she wanted to be, and it wasn´t lost on her that that was in its own strange way a lucky position to be in. 

for a long time she´d let it get to her, the fear that she might be a horrible person for rejoicing in a freedom that was connected to a horrible loss, but that day when she walked back after having met you, none of the guilt was there, the joy she felt was light and untainted, it was solid and calm

Tess knew it was your impact in large parts that had taken away that heaviness, the way you looked at her made it much harder to see herself in a bad light, the fact someone like you, who rarely trusted anyone with their weaker side, was so ready to let her in, to accept her care, it made Tess feel like she had a purpose, like the impact she would leave on the world might not just be one of violence. during the years of Joel and her fighting their way through weeks and months lost in a haze of shared pain and rage, she´d given up on the idea of ever feeling like a good person, or even just a decent one, but when she held you, when she felt you leaning in to kiss her, when she sensed your ease around her, knowing how reluctant you usually were to get close to others, she felt like there was a goodness in her that had remained in tact, that you were drawing out of the depths of her because you needed it. 

Tess realized that sometimes self contempt did not matter, if someone saw something worth loving in her, who was she to tell them their perception was off? 

while she was thinking all that, you were having a moment of reflection yourself. once she left the kitchen you just stood there the way you´d stood before, bracing yourself against the counter, breathing a little unevenly, and for a good few minutes you didn´t continue your work because your mind was racing, your body was on fire, and you had to calm down somehow. 

at first you couldn´t identify what it was, but then you realized: your body had no idea how to handle intense joy, intense feelings of love and affection for someone, how to handle desire and ecstatic feelings of want, none of it, because you had never felt it before, it was like a new chemical had entered your system and an alarm was going off. of course you´d had moments of relaxation or contentment before, you´d had good days and you´d laughed and gathered sweet memories at times, but it had been years and years since you´d felt genuine joy, the kind that alters your whole physicality, your whole being. for so long you had lived in a state of constant numbness, you felt like a ghost at times, you were tethered to nothing, no family, no friends, no lover, not even a hometown or material possessions that made you feel grounded, nothing had really mattered to you, you floated from place to place, in Jackson you faded into the background, stopped engaging socially, spent nights on your own, days distracted by work, and then, all of a sudden, a rupture. Tess came and you were stunned into a state of openness, it felt like your body was coming out of hiding, like every part of you was hungry to feel, to feel everything, every little detail of what her presence could evoke in you, but it was not without pain at first, that process of letting yourself be alive again. 

there was a fear in you and as you stood there thinking you knew why: for the first time in your life you had something to lose. 

you´d gotten used to indifference so now that you felt so deeply for Tess, you almost panicked imagining a potential future without her, the worst case scenario played out in your head, her and Joel getting bored and leaving, her being gone one day, because now that you´d gotten a taste of love, you knew going back to living without it would eviscerate you. 

there was no going back and you had to understand that the fear was a positive kind, that part of caring was risking your heart, the risk of immeasurable loss, which was worth it, always, in order to experience immeasurable love. after a while you calmed down, focusing on the spot where Tess´s hand had lingered mere moments before, banishing anxious thoughts and letting your mind flood with the memory of her body behind yours, her scent, her lips, and it worked, your cheeks flushed and you felt your muscles relax again. 

by the time you were done cleaning up at night everyone else had left the building already and it was dark out. your limbs were aching as you walked outside and realized that it was pouring rain. for a moment you just stood there, letting the cool water soothe your exhausted body, not caring about your hair or clothes getting wet. once you walked down the road, it dawned on you that nothing seemed worse to you in that moment than going home to an empty, cold, dark house, nobody waiting for you, nobody to ask you if you´re fine, and you tried to fight the instinct, you did, but you knew where you were headed when you started walking faster. the plan had been to go to Tess the next night, to go there refreshed and in a more appealing state, but you had a visceral need to just see her, to be with her even if it would just be ten minutes, you were broken down in a way, the weeks before you´d overdone it, and the one thing you could think of that might make you feel steadier, less at risk of falling apart, was Tess´s strength, her way of touching you that infused you with calm, with warmth. 

you made your way up to Tess and Joel´s door and tried your best to not feel ashamed as you knocked, ringing the bell seemed a little rude at that hour, hoping and praying it wouldn´t be him who answered the door, and it wasn´t; shortly after you knocked, Tess opened the door, somehow less surprised to see you than you thought, wearing an oversized black sweater that suited her, her light eyes shining brighter with the contrast, and the sight of her alone could have made you cry for some reason, the gentle smile as she leaned against the door frame and said “well hello there”. 

you immediately tried to apologize for your unannounced appearance, uttering something like “sorry I know it´s late and we said tomorrow but -” but before you could finish the sentence she shook her head and waved you in, “don´t apologize, you can come by whenever you feel like it, alright?” she wanted nothing less than for you to feel hesitant around her, you nodded, feeling a little relieved as you walked in.

once you were inside and the light hit you, she saw something that others might not have picked up on because you did conceal it somewhat well, but not well enough for Tess; she could read in the way you were holding your body, the way your eyes looked that there was a fragility to you in that moment and it made her feel violently protective but she kept it in check, not smothering you with it, not yet. 

for a moment you were just standing there, unsure what to do, waiting for her to tell you, but before doing anything else she went in to embrace you, a proper hello, the kind she had denied herself that morning, her arms firm around your back, yours around her waist, your head resting on her shoulder for a moment, breathing in her fresh scent, you could tell that she´d just showered and it felt so good that you almost turned it into a desperate tight hug, the kind where you cling to someone, where it´s blatantly obvious how much you really need their comfort, but you restrained yourself, melting into her for a few seconds, feeling her hands lightly run over the fabric of your jacket, soaking up her the feeling of her being wrapped around you and letting out deep shaky breath, that she noticed, before untangling yourself and smiling at her, a tired smile, but a very genuine one. 

the urge to cry was still there, that thing of affection almost being painful when you´re in in desperate need of it, but you didn´t. she saw it and it worried her but she let it pass, giving you a moment to adjust, taking your hand in hers, “come on, let´s get you comfortable” she led you to the living room, it was just as you remembered, inviting and cozy, the faint light of the fire and a small lamp in the corner of the room, the smell of something like a scented candle, “here drink” Tess ordered as she held up a cup of tea that had been standing on the coffee table long enough to not be hot anymore, “I think you need this more than me”. you gladly accepted, it was herbal with a slight taste of honey and you imagined that she´d already taken a sip, liking the idea of indirectly kissing her by having your lips where hers had been before. 

Tess sat down on the couch and moved closer to you once you sat next to her, her hand on your cheek then which you immediately leaned into. she caressed you for a moment, studying your face from up close, enamored, “you´re exhausted, hm?” a low, sympathetic tone, “yeah.. but this is helping” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, for a moment she let you close your eyes, holding your face in her palm, before her hand moved down to your own, holding it reassuringly as she spoke “wanna tell me what´s going on sweetie?” she asked, patient, giving you time to think of answer while you laced your fingers through hers and rested your head against the couch cushion.

“yeah. it´s just-” your voice was shaky which embarrassed you a little, but she encouraged you, “go on, I´ll understand”, you knew she would, so you went on.“well I already told you about not being too happy here in general since I came here, right?” she nodded “yes”, listening intently, still holding your hand, absentmindedly running her thumb over your skin, leaning in so you wouldn´t have to speak too loudly, making it more intimate, “the past few months it just got worse and worse, before you guys came it got pretty bad. the thing is I can´t cope when I have too much time on my hands, I really can´t be alone with my thoughts for too long, so I often just kept working and working because there are no other distractions around here” you spared her the gnarlier details, “and yeah it just wore me down, and I don´t how to fucking stop that´s the thing, I don´t know what to do Tess, I don´t know how to just live and be present” your ability to mask your pain had gone away, you seemed genuinely shaken up once you got done talking, your gaze was not on her, but she wanted you to look at her, so she lifted your head with her fingers, once you looked at her you could tell her expression had turned even more concerned, “and nobody noticed that something was off? nobody was looking out for you?” you shrugged, a sort of defeated look to you.

“I live alone, and well. not everyone has me figured out the way you have” she shook her head, a flicker of anger in her eyes as it dawned on her just how exhausted you truly must be, after years of being on your own with all of that to deal with, she sounded more stern, more intense as she spoke again, leaning in for emphasis, “okay, you listen to me. I know you´re used to being on your own and having nobody to rely on, and I know it´s not easy to give that up, I do, but I´m here now, and we´ll figure it out together. alright? it will be okay” your look of doubt just made her double down “it will. you´re gonna come to me when you don´t wanna be alone with your thoughts and I´ll find a way to distract you” there it was again, her way of putting things like an order, not even giving you the chance to deny her care, so you nodded as she tenderly brushed a strand of hair out of your face,“how about you tell me what´s been on your mind, hm? that´s a start”.

you weren´t used to sharing any of your inner thoughts with someone, so it took you a moment to gather up the courage to be honest, “well, it used to be all kinds of things, dread about not having anything to do with my life here. but it changed. now it´s just one thing really”, that peaked her interest, “and what´s that?”, you paused a moment, debating whether to be that honest, but you wanted at least one person to finally know you to your core, “are you gonna leave again?”, she didn´t expect that question at all so she looked confused as she responded “leave? what...as in leave town? we just moved here like three weeks ago” there was an amused smile on her face, but she realized that you were being dead serious, your expression almost terrified while waiting for a definitive no, it went straight to her heart,“oh sweetie. come here” she said, pulling you closer by your shoulders to hold you, to soothe you by running her fingers through your hair, the moment she did that you felt tears in your eyes, clinging to her, your fingers digging into the fabric of her shirt, “I´m not going anywhere, I promise you that, I´m here for good” she whispered while continuing the gentle touches, she realized then that you had yet to know what it feels like, to be able to trust that things were gonna turn out well, that there wasn´t always some disaster waiting on the horizon. she realized that it was one thing to care for you, it was another to help you grow comfortable with that care, to accept it, to trust that it would last, that you could let go of your old habit of never growing attached to anyone or anything. 

you stayed like that for a moment, not full on crying into her shoulder, but shedding a few tears as you calmed down a little, after a while you separated and you went to wipe your eyes, laughing to yourself a little, it almost made her cry too then, to finally see a brighter expression on your face again, that smile that had won her over the moment you introduced yourself to her. “Jesus I´m sorry. I really don´t wanna be a fucking burden, I´ll get a grip now, I´ve just never felt like this about anyone..” you said while making sure your eyes were dry again, but Tess just shook her head, “you really have some self perception issue we need to work on here, getting to know you like this is not some favor I´m doing, it´s the one thing that has made coming here worth it. I´ll have you know that I was teased mercilessly all day today by Joel for constantly smiling to myself.” 

your eyes lit up then, you moved over and put your arms around her neck, looking at her from up close, getting a good look at her for the first time that day, her hands moving under your shirt, to your back, “really?” you said, clearly loving that image, your smile turning into a satisfied grin, she was beyond relieved to see the switch in your mood, “hm, you really did a number on me” you kept staring into her eyes, “well, when you left earlier I just stood there for like 15 minutes recovering so..” you confessed, she laughed, “okay so we both just spent the whole day today thinking about each other, huh?”, you leaned down to kiss her then while uttering “guess so”, your hands in her hair, kissing her more heartfelt than earlier, a distinct emotionality to it, not even making out at first but just savoring the feeling of your lips against hers, eventually getting worked up from being pressed against her and breathing heavier, her hands moving up to your face to hold you in place while you kissed but struggled at times to keep it uninterrupted, the intensity leaving you just sighing into each other´s open mouths every now and then, growing hotter from the sounds, the feeling of each others tongues only adding to it once you really abandoned restrained and turned sloppy with it, her briefly, lightly biting your lower lip, drawing a moan out of you as she grabbed your tits through your shirt, remembering that you didn´t mind when she did it a little roughly.

after a while of being all over each other getting lost in the feeling of it, you climbed off of her and Tess realized just how wet your clothes had gotten from the rain earlier, she was so distracted before that it only then struck her, she fussed with your damp shirt, “okay you need to change, this isn´t good, you´ll catch a cold”, but she wasn´t gonna send you home, no way, “wanna come up to my room? I´ll give you something fresh to wear” her voice purposely low and smooth to persuade you, which wasn´t even needed, of course you´d say yes to the promise of seeing her space, getting dressed in something that might have her lingering scent on it, “yes I´d love that” you said,  so she got up and pulled you up with her, gesturing for you to follow her. 

after you made your up the stairs to the first floor, Tess went in ahead of you to turn on a few small lights, telling you to make yourself at home, and the second you saw her bed, which was considerably bigger than yours, it hit you just how tired you were, so you made your way to the end of the bedrame and sat down with your legs dangling off, taking in the details of her room. it was pretty impressive to you: two large wood paneled windows on each wall that faced the garden, a tree so close to them that you could see its outline even in the dark, a long full body mirror in the corner, a door that seemed to open to a walk in closet, beautiful wallpaper with a subtle flower print, you knew she might have chosen a slightly less feminine touch but it was undeniably a great space for her to have to herself, “damn this might be the nicest room I´ve seen in this town” you marveled as she lit a candle on her night stand, “yeah I know, I got pretty fucking lucky here”, Tess was looking at you as she said this, not at her space. 

secretly you were already kind of imagining the room as partially yours, knowing there was a good chance you´d come back again and again, a smile on your face as you she made her way over to where you were sitting, standing in front of you then, sort of towering over you which you liked, “okay, we should get you out of these now”, which you took as a cue to undress but before you could undo even do anything she gently pushed your hand away, “no, let me do that for you”, not wanting you to life another finger after having had an exhausting day, so you gave in, gladly, smiling up at her as her eyes fell to where her hands got busy with opening your shirt, a quick succession of undoing buttons, she wasn´t fumbling at all her hands were steady, and it did turn you on, to have her handle you with such care, you were at a loss almost as she pulled your arms out of the sleeves as if she didn´t want to break you, gently, a stark contrast to her generally not very inviting aura, which vanished into thin air around you.

she wanted nothing more than to wrap you in a feeling of safety, of being held. your tank top was also far from dry, and you saw her hesitate but you almost begged her then, “go on”, wanting the intimacy of being exposed, being seen, she nodded, realizing that it wasn´t just about the clothes anymore, that you were getting something you needed out of it. she moved her hands under your top to pull it over your head, and the moment you were left sitting there topless, your skin painted in a golden hue from the dim light, her eyes changed, you were watching her while she was taking in the sight if of you, her palms resting on your shoulders, warm, so warm, once she looked at you again she moved her hands down your neck, your chest, slowly, “you´re so beautiful”.  for the first time you thought you could hear her voice wavering, a hint of a tremor and the way she was standing between your legs, looking down at you, it made you feel weak in the most satisfying way. for so long you´d worked at seeming unfazed by anything, but in that moment you were glad to surrender, to look up at her in awe, to let her do whatever she wanted to, that moment with her, it felt sacred in a way. her eyes fell to a spot on your chest where she´d left a subtle mark the night before, a faint purple, she traced it for a second before leaning down to kiss the spot, ever so softly. a moment later she got onto her knees, moving between your legs to unzip your jeans and help you out of them too and once you were left in nothing but your underwear, you realized that that was the first time she´d seen you fully exposed, which felt good, her gaze never made you feel uneasy, it always made you want more. 

Tess didn´t get up again but remained on her knees, her hands on either your thighs, feeling your soft skin, caressing you, and you were still at a loss for words, just taking it in, your body heating up from what she was doing,  almost blacking out as she kissed your inner thigh, not just once, but leaving soft kisses all the way down to your knee. you could feel her long hair brushing your skin, tingling a little, her other hand lightly squeezing your other thigh as she seemed to get lost in the feeling of your skin, a kind of adoration that was enough to make you feel like you were imagining it all, it was beyond anything you´d expected from her, the way she was almost worshiping your physique. once she stopped to look up at you, she saw your eyes almost closing in pleasure, “relax for me okay? lay down, let me make you feel good” she said and you took the order, laying down flat on your back while your lower half was still at the edge of the bed, in her grip.

 after Tess kissed your other thigh and felt you relaxing, quietly sighing, clearly wanting more, the progression of sensual to sexual was so seemless that it didn´t even make you nervous when she moved to pull of your underwear, the moment you felt her touch the fabric you assured her with a “it´s okay”, eager to be hers entirely. the feeling of laying there on the soft bed, the rain still making light sounds against the windows, the sensation of her lips trailing down your body, it left you fully present in your body, no thoughts other than god this feels good, it was exhilarating to be nude and to practically feel every part of you warm up and pulse with desire, your face growing hot, your chest rising and falling with heavy deep breaths, the space above your hips burning as she held onto you, it was clear to her that you were turned on to a level that could and should be deepened, so once your underwear was discarded onto the floor she moved further up between your legs, tightening her grip on you a little, pushing your knees apart more to have space, hooking her arms under your thighs to pull you down onto her face.

it was a charged moment for both you and Tess, neither of you had been intimate with anyone in a good while, so you felt every little sensation of that moment intensely, she had no idea if anyone had ever gone down on you at all so she felt a sense of responsibility, to not just be gentle and patient but to also make it heartfelt and passionate enough for you to crave more once she was done, a mix of carefulness and the urge to show you just how good it could feel. she knew she had all the time in the world, so at first she just focused on the skin leading up to where she was going, licking the highest part of your inner thigh, broad strokes with her flat tongue just tasting your skin for a moment, your sounds still faint but she could feel your body reacting, a slight twitch in your leg as she kneaded the skin where her fingers were digging in while moving to your center and running her flat tongue over your cunt in one big stroke, leaving your lips glistening with her spit, a slight gasp from you then, followed by a needy “please Tess..”, urging her to go ahead, so she briefly reached up and spread you open with her fingers, teasing you for a moment by running them up and down between your folds before leaning in and licking up what had leaked out already, a hum of pleasure as the slick texture hit her tongue, a sudden hunger, so she put more force into it and found a rhythm of sucking and licking your soft sensitive flesh that drove not only you insane but herself too, your whole body flushed by that point, your hands gripping the sheets before she reached up to hold them down, to make it even more intimate, feeling your hips moving up to meet her tongue, your fingers trapping hers, squeezing quite hard from the overwhelming feeling, but you were being easy, you didn´t squirm much or try to move away, it was pure bliss for her the way you were sprawled out and open for her, she praised you for a moment as she lifed her head, moving her hand to caress your stomach,  “you´re being so good for me, such a good girl”, it only turned you on more, “my angel” she whispered against your skin as she could hear you whine from the mix of her words and her touches, her own underwear soaked by that point from it all, so much so that she might even finish too.

to really push you towards your impending climax she stopped pushing her tongue into you after having gone at it for a while and moved to suck on your clit, hard, not to a point of pain but hard enough to make you see stars for a second, “jesus fuck..” you moaned as she kept doing it, “Tess fuck I´ll-” you cried, feeling her steady you by grabbing your hips, “it´s okay, breathe, I got you” cooing at you before really harnessing all of her strength to overstiunalte your clit to the point of your walls clenching and your legs shaking, her hands constantly running up and down your body to add to the arousal, she knew that a squeeze and a grab at the right moment would only make you cum harder, you tried to somehow remain in place as you felt the orgasm building in your core and spreading out through your whole body in violent waves, your moaning nad whining almost making her lose her mind with lust as she felt the whole lower half of her face getting soaked in your juices, an intense final shudder told her you were finished but she wasn´t, letting you calm down a little as she gathered up every last drop that she´d gotten out of you, a last sloppy lick over your cunt before easing up and catching her breath, still between your legs, until she had the urge to see your face and climbed up over you, trapping you beneath her, satisfied with the look she found on your face, all flushed and exhausted and content. 

before she could say anything you pulled her down for a kiss, which turned her on even more because she knew you knew she hadn´t wiped her mouth or chin yet, a gesture of intimacy that got her good, you tasting yourself on her lips, not even just a closed mouth kiss but kissing her in a way that made clear how much you´d enjoyed what she´d just done. “do I wanna know how you got that good at eating pussy” you said, which got a laugh out of her, her hand in your hair as she said “oh you know, the hundreds of women I dated before you” you didn´t laugh, wondering for a split second if she might actually mean it “I´m joking, don´t worry, I guess you bring it out of me”, “okay now you´re just sweet talking me” you said, your hands around her neck as she shook her head, “not my style, you should know that by now I think”, both of you smiling at each other as she said this because you did know, but it was still new to you, to be wanted like that, by someone you wanted just as badly. you knew her arms must have gotten tired from hovering over you so you pulled her down onto your chest, “careful there” she said, worrying she was gonna be too heavy, “you can crush me I don´t mind” you said, holding onto her as you could hear her laughing, resting on your chest for a moment. 

neither of you were bold enough yet to ask the other one to spend the night together, so around midnight after laying there together for a good while, she offered to walk you home. as you stood in front of your door and looked at her you didn´t dare to kiss her even though it was dark and nobody was out there except you two, but you did allow yourself what you´d been too shy to do earlier, which was a hug that went beyond the friendly kind, so you stepped closer to her one last time that night and embraced her as tightly as possible, communicating something a simple thank you, wouldn´t have. as you stood there, arms around each other, the faint sound of a few lone birds above you, the smell of snow still lingering int the air, she lightly ran her hand over the back of your head, speaking in a low tone, “you take it easy tomorrow, okay? no work, no nothing, and if anyone really needs you to do something, send them to me, I´ll take care of it.” you smiled against her shoulder, still gripping the fabric of her jacket, “okay, I will”, separating only after a good two minutes of standing there in an embrace, giving each other a last love filled glance before saying goodnight. 

while you were sleeping soundly later that night, Tess and Joel coincidentally got up to get some water from the kitchen at the same time. she´d been awake for hours just laying there unable to stop thinking about you and was already pouring herself a glass as she heard him coming down the stairs, so she got out a second glass and handed it to the disheveled half asleep man who got out a “thank you” but only barely, his voice still impacted by sleep, as she sat down at the table with him, both of them sitting there in silence for a moment. she had a grave expression, staring into space, so Joel asked “hey, you good?”, she looked like she was about to deliver bad news or tell him about a nightmare, but after taking a deep breath and looking up at him, Tess said “I think I´m in love with her.”. 

Joel thought of course this woman would say it like she was saying she just killed someone, all serious and almost embarrassed, he smiled then, a genuine warm smile, not the kind he politely gave strangers, the kind reserved for his best friend, he patted her hand as he spoke “well. that´s a beautiful thing Tess”, he realized that his Texan accent had slipped out heavily with that phrase but he meant it, “but you´re scared, hm?” he knew her, he could read her in an instant, she nodded, “you know m Joel, I wasn´t prepared to feel like this. at all.” he understood, “yeah it´s always scary to care. trust me, I´m an expert in trying not to. but I need you to understand that you deserve this okay? hell, we went through so much awful shit, and you saved my ass so many times, I think it´s time for you to let all that go and give being happy a shot. as weird as it might feel to you at first, you deserve it.”

she was genuinely moved by that, leaning her head on her hands while looking at him, they usually expressed their care in other ways, not via words, so she knew it meant a lot for him to be that earnest, “I´ll try” she whispered, he gave her an encouraging nod before downing the rest of his water, “you know this is fun for me. it´s like I am getting a whole new friend out of this. you´re much better company when you have a pretty girl to fawn over”, he teased, earning himself a sharp look from her, “well I´m glad me losing my fucking mind is entertaining to you” she said, shaking her head, but clearly relieved that Joel knew how to help her ease up.

in Jackson there were generally only really two viable options when deciding what to do with your time at night: staying in, or going out to see who was hanging around at the bar, so the next day Tess and Joel found themselves leaving the house around 8pm to go have a drink, simultaneously cursing the cold air as they stepped outside, muttering things like “jesus fuck it´s cold”. 

naively Joel started talking to Tess about his day, some gossip he´d overheard, his plans for their garden, but Tess´s very short and unenthusiastic answers of “oh cool” or “I see” or “yeah”, made him suspect that she was not listening at all, that her mind was of course somewhere else completely, so to test if she was even remotely paying attention he said: “you know I was thinking about burning our house down. just letting the whole thing go up in flames” and Tess gave a mild nod and an “uh-huh” in response, her expression unchanged, which made him speak louder then and push her in the side, “Jesus Christ Tess, just go on and get her to come with us, this is unbearable” he shook his head in disbelief over his lovestruck friend as he said this, watching her snap out of her state of daydreaming, “so you´re trying to get me in trouble, huh?”, “oh come on, relax, nobody´s gonna think twice about two women talking to each other, they´ll be too busy getting shitfaced” he had a point. “go! get your girlfriend!” he said, teasing a little, pushing her to do it, “fuck off” she muttered, secretly enjoying “girlfriend” being used to address you, the word swirling around in her mind as she approached your house, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend almost a prayer like quality to the way its echo kept lingering in her ears, giving her something to put her faith in: the idea of maybe someday soon being able to refer to you as that. 

once you opened the door she didn´t even say hello, immediately opening with “go get a jacket, we´re going to get a drink”, you laughed, “damn okay, you´re wasting no time huh” she nodded, “you know me”, she realized that you looked much more refreshed than the night before, calm and healthy, she suspected you´d taken her order and gone easy on yourself during the day. 

as you walked down the street Tess assured you that she had Joel under control, that he wouldn´t be weird about it, so as you walked into the bar you followed her over to where he was waiting.

as you approached you saw that three shots were standing on the counter, he looked at both of you, “join me?”, which immediately made you relax, he seemed much less intimidating the moment he opened his mouth. all three of you stood there as you downed the shot, immediately twisting your faces as you felt the burn of the surprisingly strong liquor, “jesus did they pour us gasoline??” you said, which got a laugh out of him, the first of many that followed the minutes after when you all got more comfortable, Tess watching you charm him without even trying, all of you standing there by the bar, nursing your drinks, you giving them some of the inside scoop about Jackson they might not have picked up on yet, airing out some of your grievances, letting them share some of their own, it was clear to them you wouldn´t talk so a sense of trust was established within the hour so you spent together. 

once Tommy entered the bar and greeted you before talking to Joel about something private, you and Tess used the opportunity to slip away for a moment, heading to a quieter corner of the bar, sitting down by an empty table. you were tipsier than her since she could definitely handle her liquor better, but it was the nice kind of tipsy, a buzz that made you more prone to being honest, but also, to being affectionate so you had to remind yourself not to kiss her as she stared at you all lovingly, “what?” you said, leaning your hands on your folded hands, looking up at her with doe eyes, she cocked her head, smiling in a way that made her look young, girlish almost, “you should be proud of yourself, he never warms up to strangers this fast. but again, he´d have to be a fucking fool not to like you”.

you sounded a little drunk then as you said “you´re so sweet to me”, while staring at her, and in that moment Tess didn´t care anymore about what anyone might think, she wanted to touch you so she did, brushing your hair out of your face before caressing your cheek, watching your eyes widen as you realized what she´d just done, out in public, but it felt good, to be claimed in a way, so you leaned into it. not everyone noticed, it´s not like every person in town was that invested in what you two were doing, but Tommy immediately clocked it, his eyes flickered over to where Tess´s hand met your face, his own colored in shock as he hit Joel on the arm to draw his attention where he was looking, but Joel just took a sip of his drink, keeping his mouth shut. as Tommy saw the distinct lack of surprise on Joel´s face as he turned to him, he uttered under his breath “oh so you knew??” but Joel just shrugged, “hey, I love you brother, but not enough to spill her secrets to you” and after the initial shock settled Tommy shook his head and smiled to himself while staring down into his glass, “damn, she really went straight for the best one huh”, Joel laughed, “I won´t tell Maria that you said that”, “oh fuck off you know how what I mean”, and he did, during the hour that he´d spent with you and Tess it became clear to him why she liked you, and even clearer why you two had taken so little time to fall for each other. it was so obvious to him, that you were both the types to keep to yourself, to be a little stubborn and unwilling to open up, until you met someone you were utterly mesmerized by, and lucky for you, it had happened. 

it suddenly made his chest swell to witness a love like that forming right in front of his eyes because it reminded him of how romance had changed after the outbreak. nobody had time anymore for endless meaningless dates during the end of the world, survivors knew that it was a miracle to still be alive, and even more of a miracle to meet someone whom you could love, so no matter who they were, where they met, when two people saw a light in each other that might illuminate the endless dark of their world, most people usually went into that love shaking and afraid but determined to keep it, because everyone knew tomorrow was never promised. there was an urgency to love after the outbreak, a deep visceral need, a sense of now or never that sometimes ended up pushing people together who´d have never met before. every now and then the stars aligned and fated run ins ended up creating some of the most beautiful and unexpected unions, Joel thought back to Frank and Bill, about his brother and Maria, other couples he´d met, and how you and Tess were in a similar spot, terrified of the depth of your feelings, but so clearly made for each other, so clearly ready to finally open up. 

as he was thinking all that, Tess saw that your eyelids were getting heavier by the minute and asked “wanna get out of here?”, seeing you nod, a little sleepy and slurring your words as you said, “yeah. but to your bed, not mine” she smiled, “alright, let´s go then”, as she went over to your side of the table and helped you up, throwing a glance back to Joel who threw her a wave and a knowing look. 

once you were outside and the cool air hit your face you realized that the fact that she´d kind of outed you as lovers allowed you to abandon your previous restraint, so you huddled up with her, linking arms, tightly, walking to their house as a few snowflakes fell onto your faces, a giddiness to you that was partially due to the alcohol, mostly due to feeling like she´d somehow committed herself to you because there was no way she´d have done that with someone she had no intention of really being with, not that you ever doubted her but it felt good, to have solid proof of how much you mattered to her, enough to risk potential hostility from onlookers. “so, what made you do that?” you asked, clearly full of adoration for her, she looked at you from the side, holding you close, making sure you wouldn´t slip or fall, the uninhibited even brighter smile than usual on your face making her melt.

“oh well. I realized that pretty much all of them know about my not so spotless past by now, so.. I highly doubt any of them would dare to give us, me specifically, any trouble”, you laughed, nodding, “right. your past as a violent ruthless killer” drawing out the last words for dramatic effect, nudging her, messing with her a little, but instead of laughing she just raised her eyebrows at you, “I really don´t know what you´re using that ironic tone for, miss” you challenged her, “oh so you´re proud of all that, huh?” amused by her taking offense, she shrugged, “no. but maybe I should be, considering that you seem to get a little turned on whenever it comes up” you didn´t even try to protest because it was true, it did thrill you to think that she was capable of all that if needed, “well, maybe I have a thing for fucked up women” you teased, she laughed, “clearly I do too” pointing at you as she said it, you laughed too then, “look at us. match made in heaven” that one definitely wouldn´t have left your lips in a sober state and she just let the words linger in the air as you approached their house but she thought yes, sounds about right. 

walking up the stairs to her room she made you go in front of her, both of her hands on your back to sure you wouldn´t stumble and fall, making fun of you for being a lightweight but lovingly, she liked seeing you with your walls all the way down, grabbing her more freely and saying little things out loud you usually wouldn´t have, remarking upon her eye color, her hands, everything that came to mind, all of your thoughts tumbling out, a never ending list of things you liked about her, to a point where she almost told you to stop, blushing a little, which she usually never did. 

once you were in her room you immediately flopped face down onto her bed, groaning as you felt the soft bedding under you. Tess dutifully bent down to help you out of your shoes, a simple gesture that made you feel even softer towards her. once she´d also helped you out of your jacket she didn´t lay down but decided to sit next to you on the bed, tempted by the sight of you, pulling up your shirt all the way to your shoulders so she could caress your back, a “hmm” sound of approval from you the second she touched you, her fingertips running up and down your spine, stopping for a second as she saw a faint scar under your right shoulder blade, tracing it for a moment. “how´d you get this?” she asked, you obviously never looked at your own back and you couldn´t even think of where´d you´d gotten it, it was so long ago “don´t remember” you said as she leaned down to kiss the impact of that ancient injury, her lips resting there for a moment as she thought that she wanted all of your pain to be like that in the future: a distant memory, so far gone that it doesn´t have any hold on you anymore. she wanted nothing more than to give you a life that would be so full of love and warmth that you´d remember the rough years before knowing her with a sense of that all seems so far away, I can´t even recall the details. you were lost in the feeling of her impact on your exposed back as she kissed you all the way up to your neck, feeling you relax under her. 

after a while you wanted to see her again so you used all the strength that was left in your tired body to roll over onto your back, she laughed as she saw the effort it took and helped you move closer to her, “come here” she said while grabbing you, which ended up with you laying your head in her lap, staring up at her as she held your face on either side, smiling down at you, it struck you in that moment how perfect her face was to you, her hair framing it beautifully,“you´re so pretty” you said, drawing out the “y”, that was not the word people usually used for her and she shook her head while tracing your facial features with her index finger, “you´re the pretty one here baby”, the pet name got to you, you grinned, enjoying the feeling of her feathery touches on your face, lulling you into a state of sleepy bliss. laying on her thighs was about as comforting as anything in your life had ever been. 

“oh by the way” she said, watching you close your eyes for a moment, “hmm” you answered, “your schedule for the next month or so is cleared, no more working around town for a while” you were confused then, your eyes open again, her palms still warm on your cheeks, “what do you mean?”, a smug grin on her face, “well.. I thought a lot about what you told me last night, so I talked to Maria earlier. I asked her if she´d mind if I stole you away for a while to help me around the house. Joel is god awful at being indoors for too long, he´s better with the garden and the facade of the house, all that, so I suggested you should help me instead. and I think she said yes because she was just glad to see me warm up to someone but yeah..by the time Tommy gets home I think she´ll know what my actual reason for all that was” you nodded, smiling, taking it all in, “I´m surprised you think I´d be any help” you joked, “oh I think you can handle painting some walls sweetheart”, you nodded, “or, you know, how did you put it, I could “sit there and look pretty”, she laughed, stroking your hair, “exactly yes”, you realized that she´d done that to look out for you, to watch over you and make sure you weren´t doing anything stupid to yourself, which made you emotional then. 

you started to actually imagine it, spending your days with her and it seemed a little too good to be true, “that should be fun. you and me and an empty space” you grinned, “hm, let´s see how much work we actually get done huh”, “oh and Joel actually said we could decide what to do with the attic once we´re done with it. use it as a nice space to hang out in when you´re here or something” you laughed then, “I think he might have said that because he heard us last night, you know, trying to get us far away from his room” she laughed, considering it “maybe. but don´t worry, if he did hear us, you sounded hot” she teased, you slapped her arm then, “stop”. 

after a few more minutes of you laying there you both got ready for bed because it was clear that you were gonna stay over. she washed your face for you because she was scared of you hitting your head on the porcelain if you did it yourself, giving you some of her clothes to sleep in, a loose long sleeve shirt and oversized sweatpants, a similar kind to the ones she was wearing which you used mercilessly to your advantage, your hands slipping under her wide shirt the entire time you two were in the bathroom, feeling her wince a little each time, “you´re groping me” she joked as your hands wandered up her chest, “I am yes” you whispered before she told you to quit it and go to bed with her, but she loved it, having you all over her, being handsy, it was sweet considering how restrained you´d both been just a day before, debating whether holding hands in public was fine.

once you both got comfortable under the covers it took very little time for you to doze off. at first you laid on top of her for a while but then you moved to your side so you could face her, you both wanted to look at the other person so you ended up falling asleep as mirror images, one arm around the other person´s torso, feeling each other´s slow breaths as you feel asleep, your body heat keeping the other person warm during the snowy night. 

it was a symbolic image, the way you two laid there like two perfect halves, because even though you´d lead very different lives leading up to that moment, you were both experiencing the same exact thing: a new beginning. your love was going to change your lives drastically, you both felt it in your bones. for you it was an awakening, for her it was a rebirth. for you it would mean finally coming alive, finally feeling present and like it was worth it to have been born regardless of the mess that happened in the world so shortly after, for her it would mean embracing a third period of her life, after growing up in the normal word and then going through hell with Joel in the QZ, she was finally going to leave behind the guilt and shame about what she´d done to survive the decades before, what she´d done to get to the point of meeting you and finally seeing a light at the end of a tunnel she didn´t even know she could ever get out of.

that was where the acute sense of nervousness had come from for both of you, that fated feeling of: this woman is going to change everything.

laying there together that night, safe and content in each other´s arms, you both felt no fear anymore, only the deep calm of knowing you were only at the very beginning of a love so transformative you would finally know what it feels like to stop surviving and start living again.  

you were both convinced the other one had saved you. you were both right.

[hannahssimblr]

Beginning // Prev // Next

Hi Evie! 

God, I’m so sorry it’s been so long. Life is chaotic. I’m doing stuff all the time and I really haven’t had a minute. 

College is great. It’s intense. It’s so different to what I expected, although now that I’m saying it, I’m not sure what I expected at all. I’m not sure that I really thought about what it was going to be like. 

There’s art, obviously, a lot of it, and all of the time. We have drawing classes and painting classes, classes about composition, sculpture, art history and theory, and other stuff too that I can’t even recall off the top of my head. We were on a trip last week, out across the city drawing buildings and things like that, and it’s given me this new appreciation for how interesting Berlin really is. I’m learning about all of this history, and then recording it on the page by drawing it. I can’t really overstate how amazing it is to be surrounded by so many people who love art the same way that I do, and I’m thinking about you when I’m living my life like this, about how much you’re going to love it when you’re finally free from Tullamore, and you can go to art college. You’re going to have the best years of your life, so don’t worry about all that’s going on at school right now, and with Kelly and whatever. Things are going to get so much better. 

I go out a lot these days. Drinking, yes, but it’s not really like the way that we used to party and drink in Dublin at all. It’s so much more vibrant and fun, and there are all of these amazing bars and clubs with different themes. I got out with my friends like, three or four times a week, and sometimes I don’t even drink, I just dance, and that’s enough. I meet plenty of interesting people when I’m out, too. There’s always someone new to get to know. 

We did go to this club last week, though, it’s famous. Berghain. Jonas and some of the others like techno, which I’m not sure about yet, and sometimes they go there to dance. It’s open a few days a week, and you can go literally any time of the day, which is crazy. I mean, you can go in at seven in the morning if you want to, and you can get lost in there for three days. Jonas told me all these stories about the kinds of things you can do and… I don’t know if I want to repeat it. I honestly feel like you wouldn’t want to know. 

I mentioned we went, but really, they went. As in, some of our friends. Not me. Apparently, the bouncers are really strict about who goes inside. Jonas explained something about needing to have the right “vibe”, which sounds insane, but anyway. I have the wrong “vibe”, because the bouncers saw me and my friend Elias in the queue and they yelled “No!” at us from, like, a twenty metre distance, haha. It’s fine. We went to another club instead, and we had fun and met some more cool people, so I can’t complain. 

I also can’t say I’m not curious about what it’s like to get into Berghain… Maybe one day. If I do, you’ll be the first to know, and I’ll share all the crazy details when I’ve experienced it. I think the day I get in is the day I can say I’m a real Berliner. 

It’s Halloween soon, and I’ve recently learned that they don’t celebrate it here. Can you believe it? I hope you’ll be doing something fun, at least, to make up for my loss. Send me a picture of your costume if you are! I have a feeling you’ll come up with something dead creative, because you’re good with your hands. I think I remember seeing a picture of you dressed as a bee on your Facebook? Am I mixing you up with someone else? I don’t think so. It was so cool. 

Shane is coming to visit next weekend. Did he tell you that? It’s half term, or reading week, or whatever they call it now. I would have mentioned it to you before, but he’s coming with some college friends on a boys trip. I didn’t think you’d be up for coming. I think they’ve booked this dingy hostel somewhere, and I just can’t imagine it being your thing. Especially with you still being seventeen and all of that, it’s like, you wouldn’t be allowed in to any of the clubs and bars. You should come in the spring, though! That’d be fun. Maybe if you wanted to plan a trip for your 18th?

I feel like I just spewed a load of information on you there, sorry. I should have emailed you earlier, but I’ve had this project due, and when I’m not socialising I’m working on it.

Hope you’re taking care of yourself!

Jude x

[sometimesanalice]

I’m so curious about ‘Like I Can” and reader’s childhood/high school background!! Could we get some little flashbacks? Your work is amazing btw❣️❣️❣️

Ah! This was such a fun message to get! Sorry it took me a minute to respond, I wanted to make sure I had time to sit down and give it the attention it deserves!

What do you want to know? My inbox is always open, so please feel free to send thoughts or questions in any time they pop up! 🫶🏻

But here’s more about Sweet Girl for you! (i might have gone a little overboard, lol)

Sweet Girl was a bit of a shy girlie and a bit of a late bloomer in her younger years. It wasn’t until high school where she really started coming out of her shell.

She spent a lot of time at the Bradshaw house growing up and felt like it was hers too. Carole was the one who first gave her the “sweet girl” nickname and they had a really close relationship (sg still has the locket Carole gave her for her 13th birthday). And SG’s favorite nights were the ones where they’d get to have sleepovers. The moms would be upstairs having their own (wine, brownies, and romcoms), and her and Bradley would have free rein of the living room. (she famously isn't a fan of movie theater popcorn while Bradley is the extra butter kind of guy, but she does like the kettle corn kind.)

After her parent’s divorce, she had a complicated relationship with her dad. SG never saw it coming and then he moved very quick with a new wife and step siblings, and she felt really betrayed there for a while.

She had a few close friends in her grade, but Bradley was always who she considered her best friend. And because of that she did get picked on sometimes mainly by shitty boys who didn’t understand why they were so close or why he’d want to hang out with her (especially since they have a 2 year gap, so they’d call her his shadow or a tagalong). Bradley made it clear that anyone who messed with her wasn’t cool with him, but there were still some comments under breaths that she’d hear sometimes chose to keep to herself.

She’s always been artsy (she doodled some very detailed fireballs on the page of the sheet music book with Great Balls of Fire that she gave Bradley for his 12th birthday). But her favorite classes in high school were AP history (preferred euro over us) and computer science. (She originally wanted to be a graphic designer, and focused on pursuing her freshman year in college before later changing her major.)

Tennis was her sport of choice, and she was pretty decent at it. Her mom, Carole, and Bradley (baseball schedule depending) were always in the stands to cheer her on (the moms had to sit through so much spring sports, those opaque tumblers were definitely filled with wine, lol)! Both SG and Bradley had shirts they’d made as self professed #1 fan of the other when they were at each other’s games. The year she almost made it to the state playoffs was the year after Carole passed away, and after that happened and seeing her mom there alone in the stands without Carole or Bradley, she quit playing.

Miss ma’am is a smart cookie, and was one of three valedictorians in her class. (She did not audition to give the speech and let one of the others do it because she doesn't like a lot of attention directed at her.)

Her respect for the library (and why she won’t make out with Bradley in the stacks, even though he’s always trying to get her to after they get together, she won’t but she does let him carry her books, lol) is because she used to spend her summers volunteering there. Bradley would either drop SG off or pick her up depending on his baseball camp schedule and his job scooping ice cream. (Which Bradley has a struck ‘no milkshakes’ in the montero rule after she spilled hers one time, and he never let her forget about it)

I do have plans for a couple longer oneshots about their younger years! Including one about the night at the homecoming party where Bradley got his scars, and then also about the period after Carole died and Bradley's self destructive era (when he tried to implode their friendship).

As for some little flashbacks, I think that sounds like so much fun! I love their dynamic so much and have fun weaving in things from their past into the stories I write when I have the chance to do it! If there's specific things you're interested, send them my way! I'm happy to keep a little list and work on them when the time and inspiration hits!

[spark-my-nature]

🎲😌

Kiss prompt! Ah!!

I just went with the flow, I hope this lil thing is up your alley, anon <3

Send in a prompt from here if you like friends :)

CW: non-graphic mentions of minor injury (scrapes)

~•~•~•~•~•~•~

33. A kiss to a scar, birthmark, injury, or other marking

If your teenage self thought that poise and gracefulness would come with age, you’d have been sorely mistaken. And of course the one person who’d been witness to the vast majority of your clumsiness was the one person you hated embarrassing yourself in front of the most.

Your cheeks flushed hot as you sat on the closed toilet seat in your bathroom, watching Danny scrambling to find a bandaid in your cabinet. Holding the damp paper towel to your scraped up knee, you knew Danny wouldn’t give you any grief over the childish but unstoppable pout of your bottom lip, but it still made you feel silly to be on the constant receiving end of his doting, (and to your further dismay) platonic care.

“Oh- fuck, it was right in front of me, I’m sorry,” Danny winced, hurrying to dig out the larger, knee-shaped bandage from the box. It helped your bruised ego that he was so kind and genuinely distraught at each one of your little accidents. It also admittedly made your heart flutter to be the patient under his unfettered attention.

“It’s okay,” you replied softly, watching him twist open the tiny cap of the polysporin in his big gentle hands. “Sorry for needing one so often.”

His eyes flashed up to yours for a tic, playful and warm, before squeezing a small bit onto his finger. “Don’t be sorry. I oughta carry around my own supply by now.”

You cracked a smile in response, scoffing and looking at the ceiling. “…shut up.”

Danny giggled softly, pulling the small bathroom stool out with his free hand and positioning it in front of you, sitting, or squatting really, at eye level with your hitched-up knee. “Ahhh, you know I love you,” he quietly reassured, coloring his tone with an affectionate amount of sarcasm. You watched his smile fade into concentration, gently taking your paper towel and wiping away the last traces of your driveway from the scrape. His tongue poked out between his lips, and your heart fluttered as he smeared the ointment over your knee as gentle as a breeze.

“Does that sting?”

Your eyes lifted from his mouth, blushing hot as your expression shifted from the no-doubt unnervingly intense way you’d been watching his lips. While the question was uttered genuinely, when Danny processed your curious focus on the lower half of his face, his lips quirked up into a teasing, yet somehow bashful smirk, and it made his question seem… leading.

“Nope! It’s good, you’re… fine,” you dismissed awkwardly, not at all comforted by the way his eyes trailed curiously over your flushed face.

He raised his eyebrows as he looked down, wiping his finger clean on the paper towel and starting to peel the wrapper off the bandaid. He seemed to be fighting a grin, and it made your stomach flip when he dropped his voice into a smooth rumble, the tone reminiscent of when he talked about Metallica in one particular interview.

“You sure…?”

He kept his eyes on his nursing duties, smoothing the bandage over your knee with a smirk that was starting to make you sweat.

With a final caress of his thumbs outwards from the center to the edges of the bandaid, firmly adhering it to your knee, Danny innocently lifted his disarming hazel eyes to yours, awaiting your response.

Smoothing your hands down the skirt of your dress, you chuckled awkwardly, “Yeah…? Of course.”

You started to bring your doctored-up leg down from the edge of the lid, but Danny gently caught your shin, resettling your shoe back in its place. Keeping his warmly mischievous eyes on yours, he brought his face to your knee, and his crooked grin widened a touch at your uneven inhale.

“Forgot the most important part.”

Holding eye contact, he slightly turned his head, and pressed a gentle kiss to your bandaged knee, his puckered lips forming that same flirtatious smirk once more.

“O-oh,” you nodded, winded for no sane explanation. “Right. Thanks.”

Danny’s eyes crinkled with a giggle, helping you lower your leg back down into place, but not moving himself away. His close proximity on the stool kept you from even being able to stand up, let alone escape before he could make even quicker work of your rapidly dwindling composure.

His hands, both of them, warm and always soft everywhere except those calluses that protected his hands, rested on top of your thighs. He watched your face, apparently amused greatly by the way it made you tense and jerk subtly. It infuriated you almost as much as it was melting you from the inside out.

“Do I make you nervous?”

He was far too cool and collected for your comfort as he delivered that bomb of a question. Scrambling to dissuade his suspicion, you blew a loose psht sound and rolled your eyes.

“No?? If I am, it’s only ‘cause of your doctor-ing.”

He raised a playful brow at you, never letting you out from under the spotlight of his glimmering gaze. “Oh. Here I was thinking you liked being my little patient.”

“Hm, well, your bedside manner could use some work,” you rebutted, grinning at his scoff. It was wiped off your face nearly immediately though as Danny rose off his stool and leaned into your personal space, bracing one hand on the wall behind the toilet. His face hovered over yours, and you were too caught in his headlights to keep your wide eyed, timid expression hidden.

“Bedside manner,” he muttered sarcastically, his free hand coming up to cradle your jaw. The sensation kick started your self awareness, and you quickly closed your jaw, swallowing nervously as your eyes darted between his. He noticed, because of course he did with his perceptiveness and his terrifyingly close view of you. It made him smile down at you even wider, his gaze following the movement of your mouth and getting stuck there.

You blinked up at him, nervously raising your eyebrows at him in question. He looked back into your eyes, demurely playful and so warmly murmuring, “I’ll show you bedside manner.”

And then it was the split second of him leaning in, your eyes closing in nearly blind panic, and then the warm soft and perfectly damp press of his lips to yours.

He let his lips linger for a moment, then he sweetly lifted his face to let you breathe.

Humiliatingly, that took you another moment to do, and when you finally took a shaky gasp of air, Danny had the nerve to giggle adorably at your reaction. The only thing preserving the last scraps of your dignity was the slightly manic quality of it that belied his own nerves, finally. Your eyes opened, struggling to focus on his slightly dazed but pleased face from its minuscule distance away.

“Danny,” you quietly giggled back, his name sounding almost chastising from your flustered and girlishly breathless voice.

“Hm?” He innocently hummed, biting his lip through his smile.

You simply blinked up at him for a moment, then your shaky hands rose to his collar and fisted his soft t shirt, tugging him back down. His boyish smile molded to your parted lips in another, deeper kiss, and this time, your stomach flipped as his jaw flexed, moving his mouth with yours smoothly.

For all his teasing, his breath shuddered out through his nose, and the hand that cradled your face trembled slightly as he slowly slipped it back into your hair. He used his new position to pull your head even closer, tilting his own to angle his jaw a little more.

As his lips parted for another knee buckling kiss, you sighed against his mouth, the sound tinged with a whine of relief, one born from finally satiating so much time spent craving this very moment. Danny, much to your pleasure, answered with a gruff, breathy groan of his own, and he took the opportunity with the next parting of his lips to slide his tongue, hot and devastatingly sexy, along your bottom lip.

Your moan was audibly whiny then, and you tentatively met his invitation with a brush of your own against his. Danny then pulled away a little sharper than the first time, taking a deeper gasp of air and panting slightly against your lips.

Butterflies wrestling like competitive stags in your stomach, your face broke into an uncontrollable smile, and it quickly infected Danny’s face as well. You both started chuckling, a little shy, a little blitzed out on adrenaline, and a lot of happy.

“…D’you feel, uh, adequately doctored now?” Struggling to speak steadily through his breathless and gentle laughter, Danny curled and straightened his fingers through your hair in a loving caress.

Speechless and stunned, you simply nodded up at him, croaking out a small “mhm!”

He nodded, brushing his lips against yours. “Perfect.”

~•~•~•~•~

Thank you for reading! Everyone who read this gets a forehead kiss from Danny, I don’t make the rules :)

[choccy-milky]

I’ve already left a comment on AO3 but MY GOD CHOCCY it is rare that I shed REAL ACTUAL TEARS at a fic but here I am sniffling at my work desk trying to pretend I’m not thinking about how precious Seb and Clora’s love is 🥺😭💜

Honestly fantastic work, I hope you keep writing after this story is completed because I will read whatever you write at this point 💜

AWW BAHAHA i am both sorry and happy that the chap made u sniffle at ur desk at work🥺💖AND ILL DEFS KEEP WRITING!! im so happy ppl like my story and clora and seb and my writing in general😭💖THANK U💖💖

AYO WHAT??? HUH!!!!!!?!!!!!! I WOULD BE HONOURED???? ANON IF YOU DO THIS (OR SORRY, I MEAN IF YOUR *FRIEND* DOES THIS) YOU BETTER SHOW PICS!!! U ARE LEGALLY OBLIGATED!!!! now im just curious what drawing ur considering👀👀

live footage of me rn

ME TOO I HAVE SUCH OLDER SEB AND CLORA BRAINROT RN, i actually have another short comic of them in the works based off of a oneshot someone is writing of older seb/clora that ive read the WIP of and i 100000% consider it canon and IM SO EXCITED FOR IT😭😭😭LOL i dont really have any headcanons tho, i need to give older seb/clora some thought 🤔feel free to send some tbh🤔🤔 (ALSO THANK YOU💖💖) in the meantime heres some wip panels from the current oneshot comic to tie u over on older seb/clora content. LOVE ME SOME ANGRY OVERPROTECTIVE SEB

[cheesysoup-arlo]

Cady’s Cousin (pt.1)

(pt. 2)/(pt. 3)/(pt. 4)

You’re cady’s cousin and you had to transfer to north shore senior year

Warnings: homophobia, use of slur (d-slur), violence?(idk) sexual harassment? (I’m not good at warnings I’m sorry)

A/N: before anyone is like “Aaron already graduated” I don’t think he did that poor boy got held back in my opinion you’re allowed to disagree also everyone’s gay SURPRISE these are all just my opinions feel free to disagree

You were hanging out with your cousin the Saturday before school was due to start and she said she invited some friends over when they arrived you were pleasantly surprised. Once you got settled and started chatting you joked “hey Cads I didn’t know you had cool friends, I thought you’d only knew math nerds like yourself, oh and I’m (Y/N) by the way” “oh right, this is my cousin, everyone say hi” the group says hi “ooo nice pants” you say to a girl with dyed green tips in her hair and the coolest pants you’ve ever seen “thanks, the name’s Janis by the way” she sticks out her hand for you to shake and you do “nice to me you” you say with a wink “ew stop being gay” the blonde one jokes “Regina shut up you literally have a girlfriend” Janis says lightly punching the blonde in the arm. “Is anyone in this group straight?” You say through a laugh “as of last week, nope” says a boy with brown hair who you honestly expected to be the token straight shaking his head “ah yes our baby gay, this is Aaron he just came out be patient with him” Regina says patting Aaron’s head. Two more girls and a boy show up “sorry we’re late Karen lost her phone” the more visual anxious and shorter of the two girls says “it was in the freezer” the boy says “oh who is this?” The boy asks genuinely curious “Cady’s cousin” Aaron says with a smile “can we like rapid fire everyone’s name and pronouns really quick for me” you ask getting a little confused. “I’ll go first even though you already know my name Cady, she/her” “Janis, they/she but honestly any I don’t really care” “Regina, she/her” “Damian, the badest/bitch no I’m just kidding he/him or they/them is cool” “Aaron, he/him? Those are the boy ones, right?” “yes Aaron good job” Janis says laughing and giving him a thumbs up “Karen, she/they? I think” “Gretchen, also she/they” Cady is happy to see that you seem to like her friends “what about you (Y/N)?” Regina asks “oh um (your pronouns) works” you say with an awkward thumbs up “so (y/n) where are you from and what brings you here?” Gretchen asks excited to know more about you “oh um I’m from Florida and I recently got suspended from my last school so my dad thought it would be a good idea to send me here to live with my aunt and Cady to “think about my highly irresponsible and destructive behavior” I honestly don’t think what I did was that big of a deal given the circumstances” you say kind of annoyed, the annoyance directed at your father “ooo what’d you do?” Janis asks suddenly more intrigued “oh I punched a dude in his face and lit his backpack on fire for harassing me but like it’s honestly not my fault if we think about it, I reported his behavior twice and told him if he didn’t leave me alone I’d punch him in the face and light his backpack on fire, He for some reason thought I was joking and when I was walking to lunch slapped my ass and said “give me a chance this dick can turn any dyke straight” then winked at me so I punched him and pulled out my lighter and whoosh fire” you said doing jazz hands when you said fire “that’s freakin awesome” Janis says enthusiastically and the group turns to look at her confused “oh um not the getting harassed part but like what you did was to that dude, that was like so tits” she explains “tits?” you say confused “i got this, “tits” is one of Janis’ fun little words she uses and it typically means awesome, really cool, or fuck yeah” Damian explains with a smile “tits” you say with a small chuckle “wait you’re from Florida? Have you ever seen an alligator?” Karen asks “yes I have they’re not as scary as people say” you respond “that’s like really cool” Karen says with a smile “oh my gosh your hair is like so fetch” Gretchen says after looking at you for a little bit “um thank you? I’m assuming that also means cool?” You say slowly and confused “yeah pretty much” Regina says patting Gretchen on the shoulder before she freaks out. Hanging out with them, you thought they were really cool so switching to a new school and state for your last year of high school might not suck as much as you thought .

A/N: guys I don’t know anything about Florida but it felt homophobic so I used it lmao also I think I’m gonna do this in parts I know I said Janis x cady’s cousin and I will give that to you but I want to know if you like it so far before I go hardcore into the story lol

[tgmsunmontue]

Online & Anonymous 4/16

Hangster. Explicit. Years before they meet in person Bradley and Jake strike up a friends-with-benefits relationship online. And then something more like an actual relationship.

Odd year = Bradley's POV and Even year = Jake's POV

>>Bradley chatting (bold and italics)

>>Jake chatting (italics)

2005/2006 2007 2008

2009 – Bradley

>>Have you heard of Grindr?

>>Why do we need Grindr, we have this…

>>Ha. So you have heard of it!

>>You can use Grindr to pick up outside of this messaging app. I think I’m going to sign up.

>>Also you can send and receive pictures, if you’ve got a good enough phone with a camera.

>>You want to see photos of me?

>>I wouldn’t be averse to seeing some.

>>Would you send me photos of yourself?

>>That would sort of be the point.

                He’s never going to push, and also, the only phone capable is expensive, but god he really does want to see a picture or two of Jas. His imagination is fine, but he’s intensely curious about whether Jas lives up to his imagination. Not that he’s settled on any one image, they haven’t exchanged specifics, other than length and cut/uncut status. They’ve been talking long enough for Bradley to have picked up enough other clues. The way Jas talks, is from Texas and in the military, he’d bet that he was white, but sometimes he imagines darker skin under his fingers when they chat.

>>Do you have a type?

>>Yes and no.

>>That’s a cop out.

>>It’s also the truth.

>>My type is male.

>>I’m not that much older than you.

>>I’m still figuring things out as well.

>>So what have you figured out so far? What do you know you like?

>>A little bit of stubble, but not beards.

>>Muscular arms and thighs.

>>Close to me in height.

>>And confidence. The guys I’ve been with, where it’s been good? Like really good? They’ve been… sure of themselves. Their confidence was justified nine times out of ten.

>>Yeah? I’m going to take that as life advice right there.

>>You do that. Haven’t led you astray yet have I?

…            …            …

                Grindr is different. It feels more risky, with putting photos out there, and having the location enabled. He leaves his face out of the images, matches with guys who do similar, mutually assured discretion and also deniability. While it might feel riskier, it is also so much easier to hook up. As time passes more guys download the app and the number of matches goes up. With all the dick pics he’s sent, he has seen more dick in the last few months than he has in the entire six years prior.

                Sometimes the hookups are mediocre, rarely complete busts, but on the whole it works for him when he’s on leave. He occasionally looks when he’s not on leave, but he reinstalls the app and then deletes it in moments he knows are safe. He doesn’t trust the people around him to respect his privacy and not poke around, despite having a passcode on his phone. He still uses his laptop to chat with Jas through the website, and he realizes they could email each other and send photos that way. He could just get a free email account.

>>So. I bought myself a new phone.

                Bradley reads the message, lets his breath out slowly, licks his lips and feels his entire body prickle with anticipation. This feels like a next step. And it comes just as he was about to suggest they exchange email addresses.

>>Yeah?

>>Any particular reason?

>>You know why.

>>Stop playing dumb.

>>Could have saved the money. Just had a thought that we could email each other.

>>How safe is that?

>>Anyway. I made an account. You want my user name?

>>Is it not 00JASTYX?

>>No. It’s not.

>>That would have been easier.

>>Are you going to tell me?

>>Nope. Think I might make you work for it?

                Bradley laughs, shaking his head.

>>Contrary bastard.

>>You don’t think I’ve already earnt it?

>>Just thought you might like the thrill of the chase.

>>You can’t see me but I’m rolling my eyes.

>>Am I not worth chasing?

>>Kind of feel like I already caught you.

>>Exactly. So now you have to find me. I’ve tried to make it worthwhile.

                Bradley’s mouth goes dry.

>>Really now?

>>Yep.

>>Challenge accepted.

…            …            …

                He can’t spend every moment trawling through Grindr profiles. That way lies many things, including a potential dishonorable discharge if anyone sees him. He doesn’t stop to pay much attention to the photos, instead paying attention to the brief words. He knows how old Jas is and where he’s from and that he’s in the military. So he turns off the location, because he could be anywhere in the world for a start. There are hundreds, if not thousands. A needle in a haystack comes to mind and he knows why the location aspect is so important. He’ll persevere though.

                Early 30s. Nope.

                New York native. Nope.

                Student. Nope.

                Late 20s. Nope.

                Athlete. Nope.

                Fit. Well yes, he’d have to be, but he’s also Canadian. Nope.

                Mid-20s. Southern boy. 6’1”. Good with words, better with my hands. Maybe?

                He looks to the username then and it’s TJASX and he laughs. This has to be him and he looks at the first photo. Bradley stares. If this is Jas, he’s gorgeous. Or at least his body is. He’s known Jas is military for over two years, and hell, he might not be anymore. Although he suspects he is, body like that posing in the photos, face carefully cropped out to just show the hinge of jaw or column of his neck. His dog tags are even visible in one photo. He should tell him to remove that photo, because that photo feels like confirmation that this is definitely him. Bradley doesn’t know whether to admit that he’s also military, that’s safe enough surely.

>>Just as gorgeous as I thought you’d be.

>>Those photos actually of you?

>>Of course. Why would I use someone else’s photos?

>>Because people lie on the internet.

>>Are those photos yours?

>>Yep.

>>You’re hot.

>>So are you.

>>Glad you think so.

>>I’m serious, I was a scrawny kid. Had to bulk up but I’m always a little self-conscious.

>>Well you’re gorgeous.

>>Nothing to be ashamed of.

>>Want to lick you all over.

>>One thing though, you need to take your dog tags off if you’re going to be posting photos.

                He pauses, thinks about what he’s going to type next.

>>I took off mine.

                He sucks in a breath and closes the app, terrified but no idea why. He knows Jas won’t care, but it still feels like he’s exposing himself, baring himself to attention that he has avoided for the last few years. He taps the phone against his forehead, breath coming a little short and he opens it again.

>>Holy shit.

>>Nick?

>>Yeah. Hi.

>>You’re military as well?

>>Seriously?

>>Yep. DADT and all that.

>>Holy shit. That’s a weird coincidence, right?

>>Well, 1 in 10 roughly right? Just lots of people not telling.

>>Thought I could maybe tell you.

>>Thanks for trusting me I guess. That’s… it makes me feel a little less alone.

>>You know what I mean?

>>Fuck. Yeah. Sorry. I know exactly what you mean. I should have told you sooner.

>>Would have been nice. But I get it.

>>It’s not something you go yelling or sharing with anyone.

>>No, not just anyone.

>>I feel weird that I know all of this stuff about you but I don’t know your name.

>>Well. DADT right?

>>Do you want to know my name?

                He’s nervous, because he will share his name with Jas if he wants it, even if he just gives him Brad, that’s good enough.

>>Nah. I think I’m good actually. I think of you as Nick. Maybe if you were a bunch of letters and numbers I might want something more like a name.

>>But Nick works for me. If we ever meet in person, then we can exchange our real names. Also don’t know if I’m ready to give you my name, which I know is probably hilarious to you considering all the tips you had to give me when we first started chatting online.

>>I think of you as Jas. Like Jace, short for Jason or something. So your random letters and numbers is a name for me too.

>>Oh. Huh. That’s cool. Think you’ll find my name funny if we ever meet up.

>>When.

>>What?

>>When we meet up. Not if.

>>Okay. When we meet up. You’ll still find it funny.

>>Wait.

>>Do you always limit yourself to only when you’re on leave?

>>Yeah. Pretty much. For in person that is. Not worth it otherwise.

>>You know my friend that I came out to?

>>Yeah.

>>I think he’s under the impression that you’re my boyfriend or something.

>>Well. I’m something, that’s for sure.

>>Ugh. Bad joke.

>>I meant that I’m at least a friend. That’s something, right?

>>Oh.

>>Yeah. You’re definitely a friend.

>>My hot single gay friend that I jerk off with on the regular.

>>Yep. I’d say the same about you.

>>Yeah, but you have more than just me.

>>Jas, how much time do you think I have to spend online messaging people? You’re pretty much it, and have been for a while.

>>Really?

>>Yeah. I’m going out and hooking up with guys when I’m on leave, and where I feel like it’s not going to implode my career. But I spend more time being deployed and chatting with you.

>>Oh.

>>You okay?

>>Yeah.

>>Did you think I had a whole bunch of guys I was chatting with?

>>Yeah.

>>Did a few years ago. You’re the only one I kept it up with. I enjoy talking with you as well as the sex stuff.

>>You’re the only one I ever talked to.

>>You’re allowed to talk with other guys. And hook up with them.

>>You don’t owe me your fidelity.

>>I am using Grindr to hook up, but it’s a one and done kind of thing.

>>Do you think if we ever meet up it’ll be a one and done?

                Bradley scrubs at his face, doesn’t want to make false promises.

>>I don’t know. We might take one look at one another and hate each other.

>>I don’t know.

>>I want more than hooking up.

>>Yeah.

>>Me too.

2010 - Jake

[chubby-cinna-bun]

i know this may not be something some may not get excited about but it makes me happy.

this is more for dip users, so if you don’t like reading about dips and dip usage specifically, dont feel obligated to read!/lh/nm

this is also information on if you are interested in actually using dips instead of just wearing them! feel free to read if you’re curious!

OKOKOK

so before i was really nervous about using diapers for what they are ment to be used for, but i thought id try and it made me feel so so so SO small

i’ve been really nervous, so finnaly being able to use it made me feel so much better.

i followed some suggestions from people, and the biggest thing i can recommend if you’re new to it

stand/sit in a spot you’re used to going to the bathroom

some times being in those areas, like sitting on a toilet or standing in the shower even can help you feel less nervous or anxious. being in a place you don’t usually go may make you feel less inclined to use it.

if you’re nervous about leaking, take off whatever you have on your lower half

if this doesn’t help you worrying about it, try using a towel and laying that down, that way in case it does happen, you’re covered.

try to distract yourself

if nothing else is helping, try distracting yourself with a tv show or movie!

lastly, try using affirmative talk

using phrases like:

“my dips make me feel small”

“it’s not gross to use a dip”

“i am loved”

ect

may help you feel less nervous about using!!

if you have any questions, feel free to send asks or dms! just keep in mind i’m no expert, but i will do my best to help!

[bestworstcase]

Hello! I’ve enjoyed reading your rwby analysis posts, especially the things you’ve had to say about Penny. The amount of care you put into thinking and writing about her is great. I’m curious what you thought about Penny getting turned into a human, because… I personally really didn’t like it. It just really hurt me that after she was attacked repeatedly because she was built differently, that the solution to that was to remove everything which was different/unique about her and make her “normal.” And then have the actual physical representation of her differences violently die and then be obliterated like they were some horrible, hideous thing.

A good chunk of her story seemed to revolve around being just as much a person as anyone else even though she had a body that worked differently. And I sure did relate to that irl! But then turning Penny human seemed to send the message that Penny could only actually be a full and happy person (such as immediately discovering how wonderful hugs feel) if she was normal. I want to believe I’m taking that scene the wrong way, but… I’m not sure how else I can interpret what happened. So yeah, I’m curious what you think! I’ll be interested to read your thoughts, whatever they may be.

ooh, well, i’m not keen on the way the fandom writ large interprets the scene (as ‘penny became human’/‘penny became real’) and i like how it was done because imo it is really NOT framed as a positive transformation?

there’s an element of relief and joy to it of course—because everyone’s glad that penny survived this ordeal with the virus—but, as you say, the self-destruction of her robotic body is a big focal point of the scene and it is done in a very horrifying way, with the camera moving between penny’s POV as she watches it happen and her robotic body’s POV as it desperately tries to reach her before succumbing to the virus. and penny herself is profoundly disturbed by the experience—she’s not happy to be ‘free’ of that body at all, and ruby hesitantly asks if she’s alright because penny clearly isn’t. 

so while penny does then find a small thing to appreciate about her new flesh body and that momentarily alleviates the horror… the tone is very much set by the amount of focus given to penny watching a part of herself die and, after that small burst of joyous relief, watching her old body crumble into ash and flinching away with horror again. 

to me, this reads as a rebuke of how flippant yang was about the loss—“the mechanical parts are just extra,” except penny’s body isn’t truly equivalent to a prosthetic, right? that’s just her body. 

it’s not all she is, but it’s also a lot more like the arm yang lost than it is like the prosthetic yang got afterwards. penny loses a core part of her identity…

…which is reinforced later, inside the portal, when penny is taken off guard by the abrupt realization that she no longer has floating array. weapons are a fundamental part of huntsmen identity, seen and understood as “extensions of our selves,” and penny’s is literally destroyed by her involuntary transformation—involuntary in the sense that it’s a choice she was forced to make under extreme duress thanks to watts—and she has to recreate that piece of herself with magic.  

and there’s smaller, subtler things wrong, too. i think the amount of focus put on her bare feet is meant to highlight that she does not have thrusters any more—an essential aspect of her natural mobility is just gone, again leaving her dependent on the maiden powers to do something she used to be able to just DO. 

or consider how disoriented she seems right before cinder gets her. in her original body, penny had sophisticated tactical software built into her sensory array which among other things made her virtually immune to emerald’s semblance. she could see infrared light and aura and the tactical analysis program worked much, much faster than any human could keep up with—because her physical brain was a computer! and then she loses that and spends the entire fight mainly getting clobbered and then struggles to keep track of what’s even happening when cinder gates her off from her allies!

her new body is healthy and whole by human standards, but measured against what penny had before… the narrative gives, like, a LOT of attention to signaling that penny has been measurably disabled in a multitude of ways. if she wasn’t also the winter maiden—& bear in mind that penny only became the winter maiden BECAUSE of what her original robotic body could do!—penny would have been rendered utterly helpless by this transformation. no weapon, no flying, in a much more fragile and vulnerable body that could feel pain. (think about how much screaming she does during that final fight, compared to the time she gets flung several blocks by a grimm so hard there’s an impact crater and she’s like “ouch! :)” about it)

and obv, that fragile new body is the only reason cinder was able to kill her at all. i think that’s sort of the point: penny did the equivalent of *barely* surviving a debilitating illness, went from her sickbed to a battlefield, tried to fight like that, and died because she in a state of extreme physical vulnerability due to recent illness. that’s why all of her friends were so insistent that she not participate in the fight—she wasn’t ready to be fighting! if she’d lived, she would have needed to spend quite a long time recovering, learning and accepting her new limitations, and training within those new limits.

so, to me? the narrative framing of the transformation feels somber, with “she lived! it worked!” being the silver lining on what is otherwise a tragic outcome. watts infected her with this brutal, horrific virus and the only way to save her life was to sacrifice a fundamental part of her self, in this acutely traumatizing way. i think the fandom collectively sort of tunnel visioned on the pinocchio narrative of ‘becoming a real girl’* to such a degree that the bittersweet framing and the underlying horror of what happened to her gets widely overlooked. and i don’t think those tragic/horrific notes are there by accident—the narrative puts quite a lot of emphasis on them, and deliberately bookends the joy of “do hugs always make you feel this warm?” with those moments of intense horror with the violent death and then destruction of her robotic body. 

(*something that… really isn’t a prominent theme with penny?, because her struggle with personhood is centered on how *other people* treat her like an object and i would argue her pinocchio ‘becoming a real boy’ moment is actually her acceptance of the maiden power—not because that ‘proves’ she’s a person or whatever, but because it’s a moment of emotional self-actualization where she chooses to do the right thing according to her own judgment instead of mindlessly following orders like the puppet ironwood expects her to be. it’s symbolic! & that gets called back to explicitly by winter, later, with “you were *always* the real maiden, i was the machine,” the ‘realness’ in the pinocchio narrative here is about emotional authenticity and refusal to sacrifice conscience or heart in the name of following orders.

rwby is… pretty profoundly uninterested in the question of ‘does the robot girl count as a person?’ because it answers that within literal seconds after revealing that she is a robot with an emphatic ‘yes, obviously, she has a soul, zero ambiguity here’ lmao. what it does do is leverage pinocchio to explore themes of dehumanization and personhood within an authoritarian military regime.)

so yeah, that’s how i read that. it’s joyous because she lives but it’s also not a victory earned without grievous loss, and the tragedy is exacerbated because she *does not have time* to catch her breath / process / learn how to live in her new, disabled body before cinder… cinders.

[honeysslip]

hello everyone! this is my first rp partner callout post, so bear with me. i’m looking for a few more partners to possibly chat and plot with via discord! love obsessing and gushing over my muses via pinterest, playlists, visuals, and many more. i cannot promise full activity or be online every single day, so if that’s not for you, please disregard this. life happens and i can’t control it and also like to take some time for myself. also, i am not always able to channel my muses right after receiving a reply and might need some time to think before answering. i really don’t like sending half-ass replies! i write multiple paragraphs, but usually can match my partners writing style. i might be a bit picky and selective at the moment, since i am not needing many new partners. i am interested in most any plots/genres, but love ones filled with angst, drama, and the whole pining aspect. i am okay with smut, but don’t like it being the main focus of the rp. with that being said, minors please do not interact! 20+ please :) i am okay with any pairings, but i am not the most experienced with fxf! please don’t be afraid to share your thoughts and opinions as i would love to know more about your interests. also, i am not one to leave someone hanging on for days and days, so please don’t do the same to me if you’re no longer interested! i am very patient and usually will try to let you know if i am having to be MIA for any reason. i probably missed or forgot to put more important info, so please ask if you’re curious. wow, this was very rambly and really messy. thank you so much if you made it here! feel free to send me a message or like the post and i will get back to you asap! x

[fluffle-writes]

TWST x Various Fandom Crossover Thoughts

I've been chucking various TWST guys into various universes in my head to see what sticks - these are the results! I'll probably post some more. I'd also be super happy to hear your own thoughts on what character + universe pairings would work well in your opinions - so feel free to share your own thoughts in my askbox or by tagging me in your own posts!

Potential Spoilers For: Sky:Children of the Light, Little Nightmares 2, Hunter X Hunter

Sky:COTL - Kalim Al-Asim

I feel like a good candidate for someone to end up in the world of Sky could be Kalim! Since he has many siblings, he would probably get along well with the ever-curious Skykids. I wouldn’t be surprised if he could even match their energy given how he often acts in TWST. Some Skykids would definitely try to trade candles for his ‘cosmetics’ if he ends up in the other world while in his dorm leader uniform.

He would definitely be seen as a moth by more experienced Skykids once they see how he struggles to fly after receiving his first Winged Light and forms his cape, He didn’t even go over to it the moment he saw t! Only brand-new moths don’t know how important gathering Winged Light is! They’ll need to help lead him through the realms! (Only Kalim keeps making many more friends and ends up in a Very Large group when they finally reach the final realm lol)

I can also see him being perseverant enough to make his way through the realms to Eden and find his way home to TWST via the help of the Elders – OR by making his way through the last part of Eden and finding a way home in Orbit.

Who knows, maybe he’ll bring a few blessings home too – gifted to him by the Light Children he traveled with.

Little Nightmares 2 - Ruggie Bucchi

Hmmm… While my mind jumps to Ortho because he looks younger than most of the TWST cast – I feel like Ruggie would be better suited to surviving the harsh challenges that the world of Little Nightmares has to offer. In this scenario I’m going for the typical Isekai scenario of ‘character ends up as buddies with the main character(s)’ – and I can certainly see Ruggie taking Six and Mono under his wing as they make their way through the pale city.

With his skills, he’d likely be able to assist the kids with more challenging parts of navigating the city or fleeing from dangerous beings (such as giving them boosts for climbing into the hospital, or speeding up the process of lifting the shotgun in the hunter’s shed.)

I feel like he’d have a few close calls, and would definitely be more understanding of Six’s actions in some of the later parts of their journey than some fans of the game are – you've gotta do what you can to survive in a place like this, and Six is just a little kid.

Unfortunately, he eventually ends up being split off from the group near the end when Six drops Mono in the ending and maybe ends up dragged through some type of portal back to his home world.

Hunter X Hunter - Lilia Vanrogue

For Hunter X Hunter, I thought about it for a while and finally settled on Lilia being the most interesting TWST character to send into the world. I mean, think about it. Old man who has two surrogate sons encounters a quartet of boys who all probably need A Goddamn Father Figure.

Gon is the obvious one – kid is looking for his deadbeat dad so I can see Lilia tryna fill that position himself. Not to mention that Killua would likely also end up under his wing due to him and Gon being practically connected at the hip. He also has similar eye and hair colours to Silver – and Lilia has experience handling really powerful kids/teens via raising Malleus, so minding Killua would be a cinch.

Kurapika is the reason why I wanted to select Ace, Kalim, or Lilia for this crossover idea. Primarily because the whole deal with Kurapika being the only survivor of the Kurta clan, and the fact that Lilia has red eyes may catch him (any anyone else who may know of the Kurta clan) off guard. Not to mention, Lilia’s eyes may make an encounter with the Phantom Troupe more interesting…

IDK much about Leorio, so I’m not going to talk at length about him, but I feel like Lilia may have a joke or two to crack about how Leorio looks older than his age whereas Lilia looks quite youthful. There could also be a funny little moment where the others ask Lilia how old he is and Lilia is all ‘wouldn’t you like to know, weather boys.’

(Also RIP to the judges of the cooking portion of the second phase of the exam lmao. Lilia’s cooking would make Buhara keel over hahaha)

[tarirose]

From Best Friends To Lovers

Garreth Weasley x Reader

I’m also taking requests for Sebastian and Garreth so I can get more into writing. So feel free to send me some requests :)

Based on this request: Flirty Garreth trying to get the MC’s attention and him hinting that he likes them. But MC thinks that it’s just his dorky self. Because he’s just clumsy! He even went as far as mentioning Amortentia, hoping it would perk up their attention. Garreth and MC are best friends, but he always tries to hide away to cover his blushing face whenever he tries to flirt, or there’s any kind of physical affection. Until he finally gets what he has been trying so hard to do. And things get a little heated.

Warnings: Fluff and Smut. Characters are aged up.

Thank you for requesting this! I absolutely love Garreth! Your message made me super happy and I’m glad you enjoyed my last one. I’m still super nervous I’m not very good. But I really appreciate your message, I tried my best, and it may have gone in a bit of a different direction. I also hope you are doing well 🥹

Also @thedarkjotun I can finally tag you 🥰 I’ll tag you in any others I do!

You were sat in the library, head buried in between a book you had been studying for hours. Garreth had told you about a new potion he wanted to try, he wouldn’t tell you exactly what it was, but he needed your help with the ingredients.

Of course, he himself had accompanied you. He was always by your side. You two were always seen together, always paired up in the classes you shared, always sat near each other in the Great Hall. As you were both in the same house, he would always walk with you back to the dorm. He would leave you little notes, telling you what he has found, if he found something you like, or something new he wanted you both to try.

Over the past years of your time at Hogwarts, you and Garreth had become relatively close to one another. You would consider him as your best friend. You piqued his interest from the moment you shared the same level of excitement in potions as him. He had started to develop feelings for you, and quickly became attached to you. You were kind, funny, smart and beautiful.

Garreth was sat beside you, finding any way he possibly can to entertain himself whilst you were trying to find out more about the type of ingredients he needed for this mysterious concoction. Throwing you little notes, poking at you, making stupid flirtatious jokes was his way of trying to express his true feelings towards you. But in your mind, this was just Garreth being the dork he is.

“Are you sure you’re not tired?… Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.” He was terrible at this. It landed him a smack across the head with the book you were currently reading.

“Garreth, tell me why you would need Castor Oil and Gurdyroot? From what I’ve read about them, they’re used for love potions and stamina? Mind telling me the thought behind this?” You asked, eyebrows furrowed, as you were curious as to why he would possibly need them. There was also another ingredient, but that one you couldn’t find. Little did you know, it was a simple craving ingredient. Which would have the drinker taste of what they craved the most.

“Ah, can’t be telling you all my secrets now can I, Y/N? Garreth replied, a small smirk forming on his face, sending you a wink.

He had been trying for months, perhaps longer, trying to get your attention with things. Whether it was just simply getting your favourite sweets from Honeydukes. Giving you his robes if you were caught out in the rain. But you never took it as anything other than friendship.

It was getting late, the two of you had been in the library for what seemed like hours. There was a now comfortable silence between the two of you, you could feel your eyes getting heavier by the minute. Garreth took notice of this, he took the book from your hand, his hand ever so slightly brushing against yours. He quickly turned away to put the books back, trying his best to hide the embarrassment. His face turning as red as a tomato from the feel of your skin on his.

Garreth couldn’t sleep that night. He was wide awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking of you, thinking of your smile, your laugh, how beautiful you were. The man was in love, and you still hadn’t noticed. He has never felt this feeling before. Never been in love. Never been with someone. Before you came, he was alone. Yes he was popular, but more in a way where, he was only needed for laughs. You made him feel like he was wanted. He enjoyed your company, he loved how you had taken an interest in what he likes doing. He had to do something, anything that would indicate that he liked you.

The two of you made your way to the Great Hall for breakfast, he knew what you loved to eat, so he quickly filled your own plate up before his. A small smile forming on your face, it made his heart melt. He went to pour you some orange juice, but the thoughts in his head made him lose concentration on what he was doing-

“Garreth!” You spurted out, breaking out into a laughter that filled his ears and turned his attention to you and what he had done.

He had poured it all over you, your blouse was soaked and turning see through, your legs were left feeling sticky. The shock forming on his face, eyes wide open, realising what he has done, “Y/N, I am so sorry!”

Garreth was always, and had always been clumsy. He was always messing something up, blowing up his experimental potions, spilling stuff everywhere, setting off some kind of explosion. He always made a fool of himself, but you were never angry at him like most other students.

He noticed how see through your blouse was getting, and noticed you had nothing else to wear over it. He quickly removed his sweater and handed it to you. All whilst being careful and trying to hide the growth that was starting to appear in his pants.

He couldn’t help but stare at you wearing his clothes. You looked so cute, so perfect. A grin moulding onto his face, he quietly whispered in your ear, “It looks good on you.”

You returned the smile, “You’re just saying that” you gently gave him a slap on the arm, not understanding that he was generally complimenting you.

“No, you really do look good in my things.” He replied, taking your hand in his, he had to quickly turn away. The red-headed’s face was beginning to tinge that familiar rose colour he had become so accustomed to. Garreth felt like his heart was going to explode, was he really holding your hand under the table? Are you finally starting to take his hints?

You both had a free period, and what better way to spend it then brewing up some kind of potions, which you had no idea what they were, or what would happen. Of course, it was Garreth’s idea. You had shown him your Room Of Requirement back at the end of fifth year, so you two always had privacy. It was a haven for him, so many potion tables plotted about.

An explosion had begun to erupt, sparks flying everywhere around the room, foam and froth started pouring out of the cauldron, uncontrollably. You both had no idea what to do, but just stared at each other. Then all of a sudden, you were both covered in whatever was just in that pot. Smelling of ginger and oranges. You both just broke down in a complete fit of laughter.

“Well…. That went well.” You spoke up, completely baffled by what just happened.

“It went better than I expected!” He replied back.

“What was it you were expecting?”

“A fire, that’s what usually happens.” His reply made you giggle.

He always felt a sense of happiness knowing that he was the one to hear you giggle and laugh. It made his heart beat faster, and without thinking, he started to wipe you down, free of all the foam and froth that had covered you.

Garreth had always been a big flirt with you, but to his end, it never seemed to work. Was he just not very good at it? He was always complimenting you, at one point he straight up told you how beautiful you looked one night.

You couldn’t sleep, so you walked down into the common room, your hair dangling down, night robe on. You made your way to the fireplace to keep warm, and opted for reading a love story you had found. Garreth was also awake, quietly sat in another corner of the room, reading about Amortenia. He looked up and gazed at you, watching you silently, admiring how you looked. But you didn’t acknowledge he was there. Until he accidentally made a noise. He froze in place, you were staring straight at him, slightly embarrassed that he saw you like this.

“Oh! Garreth! I-I didn’t know you were there, what are you doing?” You said, trying to cover yourself up, as your nightrobe was a bit revealing and short.

He didn’t know what to say. He was taken back, he just glared right through you. Never taking his eyes off you.

You shifted in your seat, trying to look away and avoid this intense situation. “Garreth-“

“You look beautiful.” Is all he could say. His gaze was soon cut off by a pillow flying into his face. Now he had a reason to hide behind it. What did he just do? Had he ruined anything you had by telling you that? Why did he feel so shy whenever he made any kind of flirtatious interaction with you?

You made your way over to him, leaning over to see what he was reading.

“A love potion? Garreth! I didn’t take you as a romantic person.”

“I can be, with the right person.” He sent you a playful wink, then hiding back behind his book as a blush was appearing over his face, his ears beginning to heat up.

“I was wondering about it actually, to satisfy your curiosity, little miss nosey.” He peaked up, shoving a finger into your cheek.

You scooted your way next to him, resting your head on his shoulder, his body radiating heat onto you.

“What’s got you wondering about it? I heard it creates an obsession with whoever drinks it, and that each smell is different to what attracts you.”

“Correct.” He shyly responded, “It made me curious as to what I would smell, would it be what I really desired and desperately want?”

His face was mere inches away from yours, and you could feel his eyes melting into yours.

You both felt nervous, but in your mind, that was normal for Garreth. He was just playful. But to Garreth, it was more than the friendship you had cherished. All he wanted to do was lean into you, pull you close to him, feel your lips on his. But every time, he would shy away. Him being the idiot he was, instead of just telling you how he felt, he just pulled out the worst thing he could think of. “This might be cheesy, but you’re grate.”

He instantly recoiled, feeling ridiculous. But to his surprise, you let out a laugh, hitting him with another pillow to the face. “You’re absurd Garreth” your hands suddenly touching his face. You could feel his face heating up from your touch. He began leaning in to your touch, eyes closed. You moved your hands to his sides, he was extremely ticklish. You had him rolling around on the couch, and the pair of you fell to the floor, breaking out in laugher.

A moment of silence passed, and he was quick to see the position you were in. Lying trapped under his grip, his hands around your wrists. His face turned as red as his hair.

“Oh! Y/N, I am so sorry!!” He rushed to get himself up off you, not wanting to cause anymore embarrassment. He held his hand out for you to grab and get back on your feet.

You took his hand in yours, it was sweaty to grip, which suddenly made you topple back to the ground. But before your body could hit the cold floor, his hands were around your waist, and he pulled you back to your feet.

You tugged him into an embrace. Throwing your hands around his neck, his hands pulling you closer to him. He rested his head on your shoulder, letting out a sign. I guess this was the closest he would get to you.

You freed yourself from him and his grip, planting a kiss to his cheek, “Goodnight, Garreth Weasley.” You said to him, with a slight flirt to your tone.

His thoughts on that night were interrupted by the feel of bubbles being thrown into his face. He had completely forgot that he was currently with you, brewing failed potions. Now was his time, he wanted to kiss you.

You were so close to him in this moment. He took his chance. He grabbed your face, planted his lips on yours, but he swiftly pulled away. “That was stupid of me, I don’t know why I did that. We’re friends. I shouldn’t of assu-“

He was immediately cut off, by you throwing your arms around his neck, kissing him again, but only this time, deeper, more intense. He pulled you closer to him, holding you tight. Slipping one of his hands through your hair, one kept on your waist. He had waited years for this, he never wanted to let you go. He began to push his tongue into your mouth, your own licking around his, sending twisting motions as you both flicked around each other’s mouth.

You gently pulled back and broke his kiss. He was a worried mess. Did he push you away? We’re you going to tell him how wrong it felt?

You felt a tingly sensation roaming through you. You never realised before just how attractive he really was. His curly ginger locks, falling over his face. His green emerald eyes, you now found them stunning. It all came to you. All those times he had given you his clothes and let you keep them for the night. You remembered how they would always smell of him, and how you always kept them close to you. He had feelings for you. And only now, have you come to senses that everything he did, was to get your attention.

“Garreth, I never knew”

He let out a low laugh, “I thought I tried enough to show you, but obviously I wasn’t very good at showing it.” He sounded let down.

You took his hands in yours, intertwining your fingers with each other, and led him over to one of the couches you had conjured in the past. “Tell me everything. I want to know.”

He gently tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “You’re beautiful Y/N. I’ve waited so long for you to notice, and I would of carried on waiting however long it would of took. I have wanted this for so long.” His hand reaches for your face, cupping your cheek.

“So that’s why you were reading about Amortenia.” Sending a playful smile his way.

Garreth returning the playful exchange with a seductive wink, “I could of used it on you, made you as obsessed with me as I am with you.”

You sent a playful smack his way. Once again pulling his body to yours and crashing your lips on his. He desperately increased the kiss, hungrily moving against you. You pulling at his robes. He pushed you back against the couch, tossing his body over yours. This time, not afraid to hide how he feels. He kisses you again, with so much love, it was sweet and gentle. He was compassionate, he wanted this to be right. Not rushed. He wanted to take his time. Make sure it felt right.

He moved his lips to your neck, your hands gripping into his curls. He could feel himself getting hard, just the touch of you on him sent him wild. He went back and fourth from your lips, to your jaw, your neck. Each time you let out a small moan. Your hands moved from his hair, to the back of his neck, pulling his body closer to you, closing the gap between you. He completely melted at the touch of you.

His free hand gracefully starting to make its way over your body, shyly making its way under your blouse, caressing every part of you. Moans becoming gradually louder and more frequent from your mouth, straight into his ear. It overwhelmed him, he was sweating out in nerves.

Your bodies heavily pressed together, moving against one another in a rhythm, one of his legs pressed tight in between your thighs. Which meant you could grind your hips around him. Your free hand roamed and explored his body, feeling his tense chest through his clothes. Your hands lowered and lingered around the bulge of his pants. Slowly starting to stroke it, waiting for his response.

He sank his head into the crook of your neck, letting out moans from your touch right into your ear. Your hand carrying on, slowly stroking the base of him, trying to remove his belt. He swiftly lifted himself up, looking you directly in your eyes.

“I-I’ve never done this before..” He admitted, feeling embarrassed that this was his first time.

“Don’t worry Garreth. Me too. But I want you.” You whispered into his ear.

“I want you too sweetheart. I really do.”

And that was all he needed to hear. His nerves slowly fading away. Removing your clothes, then removing his own. He was left stunned, looking down at you, taking in the view left under him.

Both of you exploring each other bodies, hands roaming over places he had only dreamed of before. Feeling every inch of each other’s skin. He wanted more. It wasn’t enough. Both of you were screaming for more.

He placed himself between your legs, right at your entrance and gently pushed himself into you. A sweet moan escaping your mouth, a sign of pleasure that he seemed to enjoy.

He took his time, gradually and slowly inserting his full self into you.

Once fully in, Garreth breathed straight into your neck. He started to thrust more and more, it was sloppy and clumsy. But it didn’t matter, you both had never done this before. You wanted him to enjoy it, and it was a celestial feeling. Each hit sent you into a sensation you both had never felt before. It had you arching your back, breathing heavily.

He started to pound faster, more rough, quickening up his pace as you could feel a tension flowing throughout your body. A wave of pleasure and emotion rushing over both of your bodies. Both of you shaking with pleasure and excitement. Sweat pouring from his curly red hair, dripping onto your face. He pulled out, catching his breathe as he pulled you back into his arms. One hand running through your hair, the other rubbing circles onto your back. You rested your head on his chest, feeling how fast his heart was beating.

Garreth kissed your forehead, never wanting to let go of you. He finally had you. And things were about to change between the two of you.

[bottlesofrouge]

on one condition.

harry styles x original character

part two.

word count: 8.5K

13 JUNE 2018

jackie: why is my sex crazed neighbor standing at my door asking for you

jackie: i think he has gifts????

14 JUNE 2018

lynn never replies to jackie.

it’s not that she doesn’t care, she just… doesn’t care. why should she accept whatever stupid, empty apology harry’s going to offer her. he wasn’t really sorry, she knew that. she also knew that she really wasn’t angry with him.

she lets things build and build until she finally reaches her breaking point, and unfortunately for harry, he was on the receiving end of one of those snaps. there was nothing more to it.

(she is a little curious as to what his gift was)

“lynn,” jane calls for her attention. the girl was sitting in front of her at one of those stone picnic tables at the park. she has melted ice cream running down her chin, and her hands were covered in stickiness, but god, lynn couldn’t love her any more.

“hmm?” lynn hums, reaching to wipe her messy face before the ice cream has a chance to pool on her shirt.

“i’m just happy you’re here,” she grins at the older girl, and lynn’s heart melts just like the ice cream.

amelia’s dance camp ran later than jane’s today, so lynn decided to take her to the park just because it was easier for her. they wouldn’t have to go all the way home, and jane could entertain herself. but, then they passed the ice cream shop on the corner, and lynn couldn’t say no to her sister’s puppy dog eyes.

so, then they were inside. jane ordered mint chip in a bowl because it was green, and green’s her favorite color. lynn asked for chocolate with rainbow sprinkles on a sugar cone.

they weren't outside for more than two seconds when jane decided she doesn’t like mint after all.

“you can spend the night at my place if you want to tonight.” lynn offers, and she sees the younger girl’s face light up.

“yes! yes!,” she chants, and lynn reminds her to lick her ice cream cone.

✮✮✮

jane, amelia, and lynn are laying in lynn’s bed, watching a random movie that amelia had chosen. growing up, the two of them could never agree on what to watch. ninety nine percent of the time it was because they were all nearly a decade apart (lynn was twelve years older than amelia and twenty two years older than jane). and the other one percent was because amelia just liked causing problems.

but, amelia was older now which meant they could watch more mature movies while jane slept soundly next to them (which is exactly what is happening right now). they were surrounded by tons of blanket and pillows, and more popcorn crumbs and kernels than lynn would like.

honestly, deep down, she didn’t really care. her sisters could turn her apartment upside down and she would happily clean up after them because (most of the time) it meant they were having fun. and she wanted her sisters to have the fun, care-free childhood she didn’t get.

silas: i’m home. i know you must have been worried sick about me since i left.

lynn: you spent a singular night at the airport... did you want me to send a card?

silas: flowers would be appreciated as well

lynn: im glad you got home safe, silas. you know that.

silas: i know, lynn. what are you up to?

silas: besides ignoring jackie.

“amelia, take a picture with me,” her sister leans in the frame and sticks her tongue out. “its for silas.” the middle sister only hums before turning her attention back to the movie.

lynn: attachment: 1 image

silas: pretty girls

lynn: too sweet silas

lynn: im not ignoring jackie im ignoring her neighbor

silas: she said he was hot

lynn: she thought chad was the epitome of hot

silas: fair

“can you maybe turn the ringer off?” amelia’s eyes are still on the television as she speaks.

“yeah, sorry,” she turns the ringer off, and slides her phone away from them. “i wanted to spend time with you tonight anyways. i feel like i never see you.”

“im growing up,” amelia rolls her eyes. “it’s not like i died.”

“i was just saying i missed you.”

and it was true. lynn felt like she rarely saw amelia (besides when she was busy driving her to whatever extracurriculars she was participating in at the moment). she was always out with friends when lynn stopped by for dinner, and really, amelia just didn’t come around as much as jane did.

amelia doesn’t say anything, and the moment’s passed so lynn lets it go, and turns her attention back to the movie. no one speaks again until amelia offers to watch jane in the morning so lynn can attend her hot yoga class.

15 JUNE 2018

"you really didn't have to do this," her finger's tracing the rim of her mug as she speaks. "i said it was fine."

"i know," harry replies. "but i wanted to."

gemma's sitting across from him at some local cafe by her apartment. he missed dinner with her (again) so, now he's up at the crack of dawn (really it was nearing seven in the morning) to make it up to his sister. he didn't necessarily want to be there, but he needed to be. that is if he wanted to save whatever was left of their relationship.

and really, he shouldn't be blamed for missing the dinner. lynn was sleeping in his bed, and he couldn't leave her. what if she woke up and needed something? like a gluten-free beef stew that took fifty-five minutes to make. or maybe a vegan red bean and rice skillet. he definitely didn't spend an hour scouring the internet and his cabinets for an allergen-friendly meal. no, because that would be crazy.

"mom said you were seeing someone," she raises her brow towards her brother, and harry can feel the sweat on his forehead already forming.

"its not anything serious. we're just," he panics and chooses gemma's earlier words. "seeing each other at the moment."

harry doesn't know a lot of things. like why the sky is blue or what the answer to seven thousand times ninety-three is. he doesn't know how wifi works and he doesn't know any other language besides english. but (more importantly) he doesn't know why he told his parents that lynn was his girlfriend.

it slipped out too easily. they were sitting in some restaurant a few days after, and his mom asked about her and he said it. it was supposed to be a joke because they had known each other for mere days, but then he saw the look in her eyes and he couldn't tell her that they didn't exchange more than five words with each other since they left that stupid barbecue.

"well, i'd like to meet her," gemma's grinning at him and it makes him sick to his stomach. "whenever you're serious and not just seeing each other at the moment."

"yeah," he smiles back at her, trying to ignore the bile rising in his throat. "for sure."

maybe he wouldn't be in this mess if he just would've talked to lynn when he ran into her on campus the other day instead of opening his goddamn mouth and letting whatever misogynist bullshit fall from it.

and if that wasn't humiliating enough, showing up at her friend's apartment with chocolates was icing on the cake. her friend (who he now knows as jacqueline) was so incredibly nice, but he probably looked like a complete psychopath. just showing up at a stranger's house... looking for someone that didn't even live there. he hated himself so much.

he looks at his sister for a second and instantly wishes he hadn't. growing up, he always felt like he was looking in a mirror when he looked at her. the two had the same dark brown hair and green eyes. their smiles were a bit lopsided, and their laughs sounded nearly the same.

now, when harry looks at his sister, he sees everything he's missing. gem graduated college at the top of her class, and she earned her spot as a top public relations specialist for a marketing company having only worked there for a year. she's married the love of her life, and they own a house that's close to his parents. gemma's family dinner invitations never get forgotten, and never once has her wedding invitation "gotten lost in the mail". harry's never seen his mom give her that look (except for the time she landed in the county jail), and their dad always, always lets her know just how proud she makes him.

harry wishes he was her sometimes.

the two siblings sat at the table for nearly an hour. she talked about andrew, and his absolute obsession with model trains. harry thought it was rather interesting, but gemma thought it was the hottest thing ever (ew). she filled him in on the extended family drama that she learned about at last month's family dinner, and he doesn't know how to tell her that he'd rather talk about anything else. really, anything. so, he brings up drew's model train collection again.

gemma's running late to work, so harry takes their used mugs to the drop-off station and follows her out of the coffee shop. saying goodbye to his sister was always bittersweet. bitter because he really did love her. she had the kindest soul and cared for him so much. honestly, he rarely saw her, but that was mostly his own doing. they lived thirty minutes apart and most days the drive seemed a bit too much.

saying goodbye was sweet because he felt like he could finally breathe when she was gone. gemma was suffocating in the most motherly way possible.

"i'll come see you," she says with her arms around his neck. "and... what did mom say her name was? lynn?"

there's a hum a few feet away from them and harry opens his eyes to see lynn standing less than two feet away from them.

it's honestly like a scene from a movie, and harry is punching the fucking wall (metaphorically of course) because how could something like this happen in real like. if the two would've said goodbye inside like gemma insisted, this entire thing could've been avoided.

he's staring at her with so much intensity, begging her silently to please not say anything. but, he's harry, and nothing good ever happens to harry.

"wow harry, brown hair and pretty green eyes. you must be really restraining yourself," and in any other situation, he would've laughed because, he'll admit, lynn was funny.

"who's this?" gemma's looking in between them and harry just really wants to die.

"i'm lynn," she reaches out her hand. "and you must be his-"

"my sister!" he interrupts. he pulls his shirt collar away from his neck. when did it get so hot outside? "lynn this is my sister, gemma. gemma, this is lynn."

"oh wow, this is such a great coincidence," gemma's smiling at lynn. "i'm running late, but you two should come over this weekend. drew and i would be happy to cook dinner. it's been so long since harry's had a partner."

lynn looks over the top of her glasses at harry, and she's smiling one of those fake smiles that don't reach her eyes, and fuck, he was done for. he could feel his heart beating all the way in his fingertips, and he's not sure what he's embarrassed more by. the fact that lynn knows he's lied to his sister, or the fact that she just told everyone on the street corner that he hasn't dated anyone in so long.

"actually," lynn says, and that smile is still glued to her face. "harry, why don't you tell her?"

"we were going to invite you to mine this weekend," harry's talking so fast that lynn can't get a word in. "i'll text you, alright? you've got two minutes," harry taps his watch, and gemma's eyes widen. she hugs harry, and yells a goodbye to lynn as she's running into her office building next door.

"your partner," lynn's looking at him with her arms crossed in front of her. "as if i would ever be with someone like you."

"you don't know me, lynn," he rubs his eyes, trying to push whatever tears were threatening to fall back in. because really, he shouldn't be crying, but he was absolutely mortified. maybe if he stood close enough to the edge of the sidewalk, a student driver would clip him. not enough to kill him, but a little amnesia and maybe a light coma would be pleasant.

"look, im sorry, okay? i didn't mean to make you-" his voice cracks and suddenly death by student driver isn't sounding too bad. "i want to talk if you're up for it. we can grab dinner there," he nods his head towards a random restaurant across the street. "maybe tonight at 7? only come if you want. no pressure. i don't even have your phone number so no annoying texts or unwanted phone calls."

he doesn't even wait for her to respond before turning around and feeling the hot, fresh tears slide down his face. he shouldn't be crying. there was no denying that. but, harry hasn't felt this humiliated since his mom held that make-shift intervention. he knows it's a little dramatic, but he would rather drop dead than feel this level of embarrassment ever again.

embarrassment has always been harry's least favorite feeling. his body always went warm, and his face and ears burned so badly, he knew they were hot to the touch. he hated feeling that way because his body was so telling. anyone around him would be able to tell that he was completely humiliated, and that just made him feel horrible.

when he gets back to his apartment, jacqueline is just walking out of hers. if he's quiet enough, he thinks he'll be able to go undetected because the girl always takes the stairs. no matter the time of day or how many bags of groceries she was carrying, jacqueline would never be caught taking the elevator.

except for today, apparently, because as soon as she locks her door, she turns to the right and starts making her way to the elevator.

"hey," she smiles warmly at him. "headed to professor sullivan's class?"

"fuck," harry bangs his head on his door a little too hard before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. how did he manage to forget the singular class he has been attending nearly every day for the last two weeks?

he clears his throat and turns to offer jacqueline a smile, but it comes across in a way that suggests he might be going slightly crazy. "uh, i don't think so. maybe next time."

"are you sure? she has a really strict attendance policy," jacqueline says. honestly, harry hates the idea of taking a journalism class, and he wasn't sure why a fifth one was added into the course study. he was majoring in public relations and to him at least, five journalism classes was overdoing it just a bit. "you can come over and copy my reading notes if you'd like. then, you can drive us so we won't be late."

"are you sure?"

"i really don't want to take the bus if im being honest," harry laughs a little before telling her he'd be right back.

he gets his school bag from the desk in his room, and meets jacqueline in her apartment. the two sit on her couch while harry copies her notes from whatever reading they were supposed to do over night. the girl offers harry coffee, and comes back from her kitchen with a to-go coffee cup filled with the best oat milk latte harry has ever tried.

"thanks again for the notes, jacqueline," harry says, closing his notebook and leaning further back into her couch. the cushions are so soft. he could probably fall asleep right now.

"please, call me jackie. consider the notes a thank you for driving me," she smiles at him, and harry takes a moment to really look at her. jackie looked the complete opposite of lynn. she had dark, curly hair and deep brown eyes. her skin was tan, and she was significantly shorter than him. she's always smiling, even after taking the ungodly amount of stairs, and harry thinks she's probably the nicest person he's ever met.

"we can carpool from now on," he says. "since i'll be going there anyways."

she offers him another warm smile and decides that they should get going because jackie hates being late, and to her, being on time is still considered late. they take the elevator down to ground level (thank god), and she follows him to his car. harry silently thanks whatever higher being may be listening for convincing him to throw away all of his tear-stained and snot-filled drive-thru napkins from earlier.

"i tried to give lynn your gift by the way," jackie says while looking out the window. "i don't want you to think i didn't."

"thank you," he replies. "i shouldn't have brought them. i just felt bad and... i don't know. it was stupid of me."

"it wasn't," she speaks with such sincerity, it makes harry smile. "she's not usually like this," jackie lets such a long sigh out, and harry can see her breath fogging up the window. "the lynn i grew up with would've written you a five-page thank you note just because you thought of her."

harry knows jackie's only venting, but he isn't really sure what to say. he didn't really know either of them, but he can't help but wonder what exactly she meant by that.

"sorry," she smiles at him again, and harry wonders if that's the only facial expression she ever makes.

"there's nothing to be sorry for," he replies, and she turns back to look out the window.

the two sit next to each other in class, and harry is glad to see that jackie seems to hate professor sullivan's lectures just as much as she does. he finds himself constantly checking the clock, and it's like the minute hand barely moves in between each glance. the longest he's gone without looking so far has been a whopping seven minutes.

during a particularly long speech about the importance of credibility, which is something harry had learned about during his first year here three years ago, jackie leans over and scribbles in the top corner of his notebook. when she leans back, harry takes a look at what she wrote.

omg move on already

he feels himself grinning as he pencils a 'god i know' in the margins of her notebook.

the two do this back and forth for the entire lecture, writing to each other when professor sullivan went on rant after rant. and when professor sullivan pointed at harry to answer some question he wasn't paying attention to, jackie answered for him, pretending like she couldn't tell who the woman was pointing to.

"she gives the worst lectures. i swear im always on the brink of falling asleep." jackie says as the two walk down the hallway of the very oversized communications building.

"tell me about it," harry accidentally bumps into her with his arm. "i don't even know why this was added to my course study."

"yours too? they added two to mine right as i'm about to graduate."

"that sucks," harry says. "i've got to make a stop real quick. is that alright?"

"actually, my next class is in twenty minutes upstairs," jackie slows down her walking and nods to the staircase a few feet in front of them. of course, she's taking the stairs.

"alright," harry says. "if you ever want to study or anything, my front door is always unlocked."

"i'm not sure if you're serious, but you shouldn't go around telling people that," she jokes. "i'll see you tuesday?"

"tuesday it is," he nods.

jackie offer a small wave as he leaves, and harry feels a little sick the entire seven-minute drive back to his apartment. he wasn't sure if it was the fact that he was going to have to face lynn now, or the fact that he didn't know if she was coming that made him so anxious, but that doesn't stop him from throwing up in the community trash can.

picking out an outfit feels like the hardest thing harry's ever done since he spent a week in an organic chemistry class. he didn't really know where they were eating, and he didn't know if he was supposed to be trying to impress lynn. the only thing he did know was another mick jagger cosplayer comment might be just what he needs to set him over the edge. he opts for jeans and a white polo shirt from his short-lived student coaching stint at the beginning of freshman year.

harry's deciding which cologne to wear (or if he should wear any at all because what if strong smells give lynn a headache) when he throws up again.

the drive to the restaurant feels way shorter than when he had made it earlier today. it was like he had blinked and he was there. the nearly hour-long drive with rush hour traffic was a complete blur.

he decides to sit on a bench that was conveniently located outside. the restaurant seemed to be a tex-mex situation and harry wanted to cry because that was his least favorite kind of food. he loved mexican food, but there was something about white people putting their own spin on dishes that kind of grossed him out.

he waits for ten minutes, and then twenty, and by this time harry's starting to get a little embarrassed. the amount of times the hostess came out to ask if he was ready to put his name in for a table was already at three, and he thinks he'll have to leave the country if it reaches five.

she comes out the fourth time around 7:30 and harry gives her his name because firstly, he's starving. and second, he cannot let her ask a fifth time.

"if your date doesn't show up, i get off in twenty," she winks at him and harry can feel his cheeks warm. he licks his lips and goes to take her up on her offer because she was insanely attractive and harry was incredibly bored.

"no need," lynn is standing next to him with one of her fake smiles on her face. "if you would've given me more than a second of your time, i could've told you i was free at 7:30," she says, leaning down so her lips were level with his ear. she kisses his cheek before standing up and asking the hostess if their table was ready.

"you could've texted," harry says as they follow the girl. "you have my number."

lynn looks at him with furrowed brows, and harry taps his forehead. "that's right. you ignored the gift i left with your friend."

"so flowers are supposed to make up for what you said?" lynn crosses her arms in front of her at the table, and orders a double jack and coke when the waiter stops by a second later.

"i'll have a water, please," harry smiles politely and waits until the guy leaves before turning back to look at lynn. "they were chocolates actually."

"even worse," she stares at him blankly before yawning, like spending time with harry is the most boring thing to do in the world.

"i really didn't owe you anything," being around lynn brings out the worst in him. "me saying that women thank me for bringing them home is somehow worse than you continuously implying i have this great big fantasy of fucking myself, right?"

"you're right," she takes a drink from her jack and coke. "i was having a rough day. i'm sorry."

harry gasps and puts his hand over his chest. "lynn apologizing? did hell just freeze over?"

"ha ha. you're so funny, harry," her tone is robotic. "but i mean it. i'm sorry. and i have a proposition for you."

"what might that be?" harry leans forward, and lynn raises her brow like she's expecting harry to say whatever sexual innuendo he's biting back. and of course he doesn't make it because that would be wildly inappropriate (but it definitely involves the bright red lipstick she's wearing).

lynn asks him if he would be interested in fake dating her, and harry sits there as she explains it and pretends like that wasn't the entire reason he had invited her out to the restaurant in the first place. he was expecting to beg, maybe even get on his hands and knees, so he was happy to sit back and watch lynn list out all of the pros and cons with pleading eyes while he enjoyed the taco salad he had ordered a little while prior.

he feels a little bad for not interrupting her before she got to the ten-minute mark of her very well thought out proposal. she even included how she was completely okay with labeling it as an open relationship so harry could sleep with whoever he wanted whenever he wanted without worrying that someone they knew might see them, and he had to admit that that condition alone made his answer an immediate yes.

"i'll do it on one condition," harry drinks from his water glass and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "you can't fall in love with me."

"ah, there's the harry i know," lynn flicks her crinkled straw wrapper at his face, and it lands in the middle of his salad. he frowns and tries to fish it out with his fork, but he decides he's not really that hungry anymore. "something tells me that won't be a problem."

17 JUNE 2018

in her twenty seven years of being alive, lynn has never met her boyfriends' families. of course she met luke's, but lynn had known liz and robert way before she and luke were even a thing, so it felt wrong to count that. her college boyfriend's parents were dead (or so he told her for the entirety of their relationship), and the guy she saw briefly after him never became serious enough for her to even learn his parents' names.

so, here she was, sitting at a dinner table surrounded by harry's immediate family. harry had cooked some kind of italian chicken dish that lynn had to chase with a gulp of wine after each bite. it wasn't that it was that bad, she just hated chicken (and also it was that bad).

she had expected it to be awkward, meeting his parents and sister for the first time, but this was borderline unbearable. no one really spoke besides his dad when he would ask gemma about her new promotion at whatever company she worked for. his sister always answered with a polite smile, but lynn could tell it made her uncomfortable by the pitying glances she would give harry after she answered.

"so, lynn," marianne lightly dabs her mouth with a napkin. "your mom tells me you dropped out of school to work in a bakery. any plans of going back?"

john laughs under his breath at this, and lynn feels her face growing incredibly hot. "not at the moment, no."

"well certainly that'll change, right? i don't think decorating cakes would be a long-term career for someone who seems intelligent like yourself," his dad says. marianne scolds him quietly, and lynn can feel harry tensing next to him.

part of her wants harry to stick up for her, but he doesn't. instead, he pushes his food around his plate, doesn't even look up from the table. each second of silence that passes feels more suffocating than the last.

"i think six figures for overseeing my bakery that i spent years building is a pretty good career, don't you think, john?" it comes out so incredible rude, but lynn means it. she wasn't going to sit around and feel belittled by grown adults. harry might be able to sit back and take it, but there was no way in hell she was going to do the same.

"kathleen didn't mention it was yours," marianne smiles at her like she's trying to diffuse whatever situation is brewing. "sounds like lots of hard work. we'll have to stop by sometime."

"yeah, maybe," lynn's offering the older woman a smile that was just as fake as hers, and she feels harry nudging her with his elbow as if she was the one who did something wrong. she wasn't going to apologize or whatever the fuck harry wanted her to do, so instead she excuses herself to the bathroom.

when lynn had brought up the idea of fake dating, she had assumed it would be more of a social media relationship. he could change his facebook status to in a relationship —with lynn adams, and lynn would post a few instagram stories. nothing too crazy, just a little soft launching to keep her friends off her back. nothing could have prepared her for something like this.

when she returns to the table, her dinner dish is cleared, and instead there is a small dessert plate sitting in it's place. there's a sheet cake sitting in the center of the table, and gemma is smiling uncomfortably as her husband takes a picture of her with it. when she sits down, she's able to catch the "congratulations gemma" written in pink icing. god, this was going to be a long night.

lynn's in the kitchen washing the dinner dishes when his family decides to call it a night. they don't come in to say goodbye to her, and she thanks god because lynn doesn't think she could stand to be around them for two more minutes.

"lynn," harry's leaning against the door frame, and lynn keeps her back to him. she shuts off the water even though half of the dishes were still remaining, and dries her hands with the dish rag sitting next to the sink.

"lynn," he tries again. "i'm sorry."

"why don't you stand up to them?" she leans against his sink. "i would never let my dad talk to you like that, harry. especially if you were doing me a favor like this."

"what?" his eyes move from the ground to her face. "what about the way you spoke to him?"

"im not apologizing for that," she scoffs. "he had no right to speak to me like that."

"he's an adult and you're-"

"an adult too," she pushes past him because quite honestly she was done with this conversation. lynn puts on her shoes by his front door and ignores harry repeatedly asking her where she's going before storming over to jackie's apartment.

18 JUNE 2018

"yeah, she's here," she hears jackie's sleepy voice coming from her front door. "sorry she worried you, harry. see you tomorrow."

lynn pretends she's been fast asleep when jackie gently rubs her arm and asks if she wants to move to the guest room.

19 JUNE 2018

"im just saying, why do we have to still be in class when she doesn't."

"okay, you've got a point," jackie's swinging her feet while she sits on the stool at his breakfast bar. "at least we get to work together though."

harry passes her mug across the bar, "yeah, i guess so."

professor sullivan canceled their class today, and instead sent everyone a link to a hefty seven-five-question pop quiz, and harry was less than thrilled about it. especially because the cancellation email was sent out thirty minutes before class started.

"i think we should take yours first. that way we can use my course material to answer," jackie takes a sip of the coffee harry made her and hums. "and then we can take pictures of each answer and use them to answer mine."

and that's what they do. harry reads the question, jackie looks up the answer, and then he takes a photo of whatever answer they've selected. it takes nearly an hour and a half and three cups of coffee to complete the seventy-five questions. harry even apologizes at one point because his folgers and chobani sweet cream coffee creamer is no match to jackie's oat milk lattes. she only smiles at him, and takes a second cup.

"oh my god," harry leans over to look at the girl's laptop screen.

"we should've known the questions were going to be in random order," harry taps his phone screen. "i can take yours for you if you want. so you don't miss your next class."

"thanks, but that one was canceled, too. i think they're having a power outage in that building."

jackie and harry sit there for another two hours taking her quiz. she reads the first few words of three questions at a time and harry goes through all seventy-five photos to see which one held the correct answer. the two move from coffee to the half-empty bottle of red wine harry had started drinking last night, and by the time they're done, they're sitting on his couch with merlot-stained lips and two '96%'s displayed on their laptop screens.

and harry really doesn't know what led to them eating dinner at his kitchen table, but they do. they're eating cheap chinese food right out of the container along with a few more glasses of red wine. at one point, they forget the glasses altogether and pass a freshly opened bottle back and forth between them until it's nearly empty.

"i don't think you're as mean as lynn says you are," jackie says, her lips pressed to the bottle.

harry feels like he's been punched in the stomach when he realizes lynn had told her about their situation. not because he was embarrassed, but because he really, really wanted to taste the merlot on jackie's lips.

"it's an open relationship," harry says, and jackie offers him a closed-lipped smile. "we could-"

"ask me another time," the girl interrupts. "when i haven't had a bottle of wine."

jackie stands up and takes most of their dinner mess to the kitchen before harry stands up to help her. they throw most of it away, and jackie puts their dirty silverware into his dishwasher.

they're standing by his front door a few moments later. neither of them are talking, but jackie's looking at harry in a way that makes his entire body warm.

"for the record," her finger runs along the side of his hand. "i really wanted to say yes. goodnight harry."

22 JUNE 2018

lynn's been sitting outside jackie's apartment with two full boxes of pastries she had stolen from her bakery before it closed today for at least twenty minutes. she knocked for a solid five minutes before resorting to calling the girl. she had gotten to call number thirty-seven when the elevator dinged and jackie walked out with harry trailing right behind her.

"hey," lynn calls for their attention. "i've been calling you."

her friend shrugs and lynn pretends not to notice the way harry's lips are faintly stained red. or the way the red is the exact same shade as the girl's lipstick. "must've left my phone."

jackie unlocks her door and invites the two inside and lynn waits for harry to be right behind her before whispering an "expected nothing less" which makes harry roll his eyes.

"you said this was an open relationship, lynn," harry says. the two are whisper arguing in the doorway of the apartment while the sound of jackie rummaging through her liquor cabinet echoes around them.

"yeah, open as in you're free to sleep with a random girl from the bar. i didn't mean..." her voice falls because she's not really sure what she meant. "whatever, these are for your parents. my apologies for being a bitch the other night."

"maybe you should bring them back tomorrow... for the dinner you're supposed to be attending."

"i'd actually rather kill myself," she says. "tell them i said hello."

"you promised, lynn," his voice is soft. like he's pleading with her rather than yelling at her in a way that jackie can't hear, and he's rocking on his feet moving just the slightest bit closer to her.

"and you promised you'd come to my sister's dance recital today," she pushes the boxes further into his chest. "i can assume you were busy with something other than your journalism quiz."

"something in addition to my journalism quiz," and lynn wants to smack the smirk right off of his face. this whole thing made her feel a little sick. "please lynn, i'll come to the next one. i swear."

"since you've supplied the last two times," jackie's standing in front of them with a bottle of jack in one hand and two cans of coke in the other. she smiles one of the smiles lynn used to find so comforting, but this time, it only makes her stomach churn.

it wasn't even two weeks ago when jackie was so concerned about her. she doesn't understand how she could go from that to whatever the hell she was doing with harry. lynn wouldn't have minded (at least she thinks so), but jackie could've at least asked her. harry was her boyfriend after all.

lynn leaves jackie's apartment with the two pastry boxes, dinner plans for tomorrow, and silas on facetime.

"please tell me it's not as weird as it makes me feel," lynn props her phone against the dashboard so she can see silas's face.

"honestly el... you're sure you told her you were together?"

lynn nods and turns her blinker on to get out of the complex. "after i told her how horrible he had been to me, too."

she had already told silas about the fake relationship because the two tell each other everything. "he probably showed a little interest in her. think about it. chad and her broke up how long ago and she still talks about it."

"i don't think she's that desperate for male attention."

"maybe not. but definitely desperate enough for attention from people who resemble chad."

lynn hums, "yeah probably."

"i cannot put into words how much i hate chad." silas says. "jackie deserved so much better than him."

"what if harry's that, and im just standing in their way?"

silas frowns at her. "i find harry extremely attractive, but i would never do that to you, lynn. open relationship or not. there's just some lines you don't cross."

"yeah," she's not sure if she agrees with silas entirely. "i don't know. we're not even together. i have no reason to be mad."

"she thinks you two are together. that's a little fucked up, lynn," and really she's nothing but grateful for silas. he always made everything feel just a little bit more okay. like she wasn't crazy for being upset with jackie. "i'll talk to her and see where her head's at."

"have i told you how grateful i am for you?"

"not today," he grins. "but i do take venmo and paypal. i'll send the handles your way."

[spacelazarwolf]

As an aroallo who’s been involved in the ace/aro discourse from a few years ago, I’ve read the manifesto and found the blog behind it, and… yeah that’s not a psy-op, that’s just aros replicating political lesbianism on accident because they’re frustrated with amatonormativity and conflating it with romantic attraction in general, but I also feel kinda… weird about seeing it sent anonymously to someone who isn’t aro and idk if you’ve ever openly said if/that you’re aro or not. Even though the original creators of the manifesto were being completely genuine about it, that wouldn’t stop someone who thinks aromantics are homophobic freaks who need to be pushed out of the queer community from using it to create rifts by sending it to alloromantic queer folks to subtly say “look, this is what those heartless monsters think of you!” And since they’re anonymous, I have absolutely zero idea what their intentions are and cannot examine them more closely. It seems so far the reactions have been to criticize it while maintaining the stance that aros as a whole are fine, which is great, but I still can’t shake my suspicions of the original anon. I dunno. Maybe I’m still too burned by the discourse.

(This is not me saying you’ve done anything wrong, I get that you get a lot of unhinged anons and cannot control what people send you. This is me side-eyeing the anon who sent that to you really hard).

if it makes you feel better, this was the original message i got:

have you ever read the aromantic manifesto? (link here: aromanticmanifesto + tumblr ending) I'm not in very many aro-centric or aro-informed spaces IRL and tumblr is a cesspit so I'm very curious to hear what other queer people think of it, as an aroqueer person (genuine) feel free to ignore this!

in case that kind of helps to contextualize it, it wasn't like. someone just dropping a link and leaving, it was someone asking what i thought. i just couldn't read the pdf that the blog had linked bc it was formatted in a way that was hard on my eyes. but also i get a ton of ppl "asking what i think" and then it's just bait so it is so fucking hard to tell which questions are ppl who are genuinely curious and who is just trying to set me up :)))))))

but yeah, i think it's a pretty common anxiety for all types of queer people to worry that any time one of us does something stupid that we're all going to get punished. i'm monitoring my notes in case anyone uses this as an opportunity to be a dipshit abt it.

[sweetshelluvaau]

Free pass for you to explain how you’ve decided to rewrite any of the characters ^^

if you can’t choose tho I’m very curious to hear your thoughts on Alastor

Oh geez I have to pick a character to talk about! Well, I'll do that but I'll also answer regarding to Alastor first:

I have a complicated relationship with Alastor in the show, however I don't think they changed him too much from the pilot but at the same time, something just feels off about him.

No shade to his new actor, he does a fine job but something is missing that Ed Bosco bought to the character. Also as much as I love the song Stay Gone, I do feel him using modern slang to be out of character for him. (I'll admit tho that him dropping the f-bomb did made me laugh.)

Really I don't have much complaints about Alastor being I'm kinda indifferent about him.

As how I would rewrite him: Well first off, get rid of the Voodou stuff. There are people much better qualified than I am to talk about why using symbols and villainizing a closed practice/religion that has ties to parts of the black community is wrong so I'm not touching that can of worms. I know Viv said he's Creole, but I feel she only made him such because of the backlash and criticism she gotten.

So, in my AU, suppose to using Voodou, Alastor will still have powers but they're more eldritch/Lovecraft in nature (which is kinda what he already has going for him so it's not too much of change I guess idk) and has these powers by making a deal with a demon when alive and when he died it just transferred with him when he arrived in Hell. How? Why? I haven't figured that out yet being I don't know even if I'm gonna touch on that much in my AU anyways.

Also worth nothing that in my AU: Most Overlords don't have powers and play more like gang leaders/owners of their control of ‘districts’/businesses though out various rings in hell where Overlords are a thing (Pride/Greed/Sloth. Lust sort of has them but they're more regulated in that ring suppose to having freedom to do as they see fit) sort of thing. The only exception of the rule is Alastor and maybe Zestiral because he's old and gives me sorcerer vibes (plus it is my AU I do what I want). Vox still has the ability of hypnotization but it's less magic more than it's technology (I mean he's a TV head and likes to update with the times so he had a good time to prefect that).

But back to Alastor: Honestly, I think that's really the major change I would do being I think he has a solid foundation otherwise, it just comes to excultion.

Okay, character of my picking:

Less of a rewrite and more of a compete replacement but I would get rid of Adam and replace him with Archangel Michael. I don't get why Adam is leading the extermination being he was never an angel but a human that just so happened to go to heaven in Hazbin. This would be okay if the worldbuilding made this make sense but again, we're talking about Hellaverse here where the writers just throw shit against a wall and see what sticks without asking why.

But yeah, I think it'd make more sense for Michael to be leading the Extermination. I don't plan on him being a dick, let alone evil in my AU more than a guy who's trying to justify to himself that this is for the betterment for Heaven and Hell but takes no joy in the job otherwise and likely going to go though an existential crisis half way into my version of Hazbin.

Also, Lucifer and him are brothers. The Drama!

Anyway this is getting long and I think I spent two hours writing this out. If there's any other questions you want to ask, you're always welcome to send in more.

[nix-that-rad-lass]

Hello!

I’m trying something new here. I think others before me have done something like this, but I’d like to try it.

You can probably tell by my username that I am what most would call a radfem, some may say I’m a ‘terf’. Please don’t immediately stop at that word- all I ask is to be given a chance.

In my experience, there is a startling lack of communication and empathy between radical-leaning feminists and those who follow a more liberal-feminist train of thought, and especially people who are heavily involved in gender ideology.

I would like to have discussions, 1 on 1, with people who have opposing views, differing experiences, different identities, etc.

I believed in gender ideology when I was younger, but I never really truly understood it, and I ended up learning about radical feminist beliefs quite young and leaning into it.

At some point, I did go too far, and I did hold genuinely harmful beliefs.

I have been taking the time the last few years to deconstruct harmful beliefs and be a bit more open minded. I find an excellent way to do this is to talk to people who know more than I do, who are more experienced or have first hand experience with these topics than I do.

I am not going to debate you, i won’t argue with you, I’m not going to harass or insult or do anything to purposefully harm you.

All I ask is that, in interest of building bridges and improving connections between people of seemingly opposing views, you give me the opportunity to ask a few questions, tell me your story, tell me about your beliefs and identity and experiences.

I am genuinely curious, I genuinely want to learn. I can’t promise my mind will change, but I go into this not to change anyone’s mind, but to be empathetic and understanding to others, even- and especially- people I may disagree with.

Any conversation had will remain confidential, I won’t be posting any screenshots or quotes of anything that occurs unless it is genuinely despicable behavior that should be warned against. Essentially, just treat me like a human. You can be blunt or rude or condescending, I don’t mind, just don’t be threatening or depraved. But I know most people are better than given credit for, so I doubt this request is truly needed.

Someday I may write a post or essay or personal narrative regarding my experiences, changed views, etc. but I will NEVER compromise anyone’s privacy, I won’t share any direct quotes and especially not screenshots without explicit permission, and this is only in the event i end up writing anything regarding this- which is, frankly, unlikely.

I know this post is probably going to strike a few- or maybe many- nerves, and likely upset quite a few people on either side of the topics mentioned. But I don’t do this to get brownie points or popularity or power. I don’t do this for confirmation bias or to feel superior.

I do this only because I wish to understand more people, I want to build bonds, build bridges, I want to be the best version of myself I can be and also encourage others to achieve the same. And for me, part of that is understanding more people, and being kinder to more people.

We don’t have to be friends, but I hope you may give me the chance to at least be an ally.

Thank you for reading.

Please feel free to send a message. I’m not on here super often, but I’ll reply whenever I am.

I look forward to hearing from y’all!