#also eventual irene x mistress

[cecanardditquack]

I doubt anybody’s gonna see this, but here are the base details of my rpdr season 15 college au that I literally can’t stop thinking about. I have some one-shot ideas but who knows if i’ll ever actually write them

[almostshadydelusion]

Do you think you can find a way to make Sherlock/Jamie/Joan work? If not, Jamie x Mycroft.

I would love to do both actually.

who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

Sherlock and Irene were the original hunter duo until she died. The drugs storyline still happens and Watson is his sober companion. They become close and he lets her apprentice him as a hunter. They become the new werewolf hunting duo. They get a case-A werewolf causing trouble only known by the name Moriarty. Jamie makes her appearance and is revealed as a werewolf. Sherlock has to battle his old feelings toward her and his new found ones for Joan. Behind the scenes Jamie and Joan are getting closer while still having feelings for Sherlock. Ultimate angst as they each fight feelings for each other.

who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

Joan is the reluctant fisherman. She only came out to the middle of nowhere because she needs time to think after another family fight. She discovers the exitence of mermaids as she spots them from a distance. She ends up rescuing one named Sherlock Holmes. He’s badly beat up and though she knows nothing of mermaid anatomy she endevours to heal him. He owes her his life but he insists that he can’t stay in her bathtub and must return to see someone named Jamie. He promises that he will return and he does but with Jamie. All three of them spend a lot of time trying to be human or trying to get Watson a tail through magic of course.

who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Sherlock has two familiars which is not entirely unheard of among the magic world but still looked down upon. He bonded with each seperately and them with him. He could never choose one over the other they were just too important to him. Jamie was a long time friend before she revealed herself a familiar who has the form of a black cat. Joan (an owl) was a familiar that his father tried to force him to bond with. It wasn’t Sherlock’s fault that he fell in love. How could he not? And though Joan and Jamie hated each other at first they bonded once they saw that each other truly loved Sherlock.

who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

It’s my headcanon that Joan and Sherlock are coffee addicts (a lot of fanfics present Joan this way and I guess it just stuck and from the show Sherlock most definitely is) By process of elimination I guess that means Jamie is the barista. She and Joan have had a flirty relationship since Joan was in Medschool. Sherock is the mysterious stranger that starts frequenting the shop and flirts Joan as well. It becomes a competition between Jamie and Sherlock to try and win Joan over. Sherlock buys her coffee and Jamie vows to make the best damn coffee that she’s ever had. Joan likes this arrangement, she gets free coffee and two very attractive people fighting for her attention.

who’s the professor and who’s the TA 

Professor Jamie Moriarty (Maths and Arts department) and Professor Sherlock Holmes (Chemistry and Biology) are both competeing over TA Joan Watson. Both are extremely difficult to handle for ordinary people but Joan is special. She just has something about her that makes her wanted by both. Joan is training to become a professor of the medicine department so she goes with Sherlock for his biology specialties. That doesn’t stop Jamie though she’s determined. Joan finds herself stuck in a very strange love triangle and eventually a stange poly relationship.

who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

Sherlock is one of the heirs to the throne and his father King Morland is forcing him to marry a princess. Trouble Sherlock is in love and a very committed relationship to his personal bodyguard and knight Joan. He’s forced to marry Princess Jamie to unite their kingdoms. Jamie falls for Joan and Sherlock. Sherlock and Joan start falling for her and suddenly they don’t have to pretend that they’re together, they are. The court suspects something but nothing beyond Joan possibly being a mistress but they’d never say that to her face.

who’s the teacher and who’s the parent

Joan and Jamie are co-parenting a kid though they aren’t together yet. Each meet Sherlock outside of a school setting and sleep with him. They are very shocked come parent teacher night. Sherlock makes a joke about making this not a one time thing. To his surprise they both agree that they wouldn’t mind and they meet up later for a strange threesome. They all catch feelings and once Sherlock is accepted to the group he becomes the kid’s third parent.

who’s the writer and who’s the editor

Joan’s a crime novel writer and bases all her plots and characters on people around her. Her father used to be a cop and she gets inspiration from him. Jamie writes How To’s and Self Help books, though she’s an utter mess in real life. Sherlock is the editor. He notices a character similar to Jamie as the main love interest of Joan’s latest book and is quite offended that he isn’t in any of her book. Jamie also notices and is flattered. She kisses Joan as a thank you in Sherlock’s office. He walks in. He is very hurt but of course doesn’t know how to show it (he has been in love with the both of them for a very long time). He makes a snide comment about him not being in the books and Joan takes the last 10 books she’s written off his shelf and slams them down on his desk. She storms off and Jamie giggles in the corner. “You’re an utter idiot” She kisses him and he spends all night skimming the books only to realise he’s been the protangonist all along. 

Sorry that was a lot also sorry that’s it’s probably not that good. I’m too tired to edit it though.

[ebaeschnbliah]

S E K H M E T

________________________________________________________________

The lioness goddesses of war and healing, who could only be appeased with the “feasts of drunkenness"

Some time ago, before S4 aired, I posted about the Prince’s case from TGG, with an addition/revision three months later - Connie Kenny & Raoul . In the course of the last two years, and with the new informations given in S4, some of my former ideas and theories have changed, some expanded. Which can be expected with this story full of surprises. :)  

My interpretaation of the character mirrors in the Prince’s case though, is today the same as in the addition from Dec 2016:

Connie Prince/Mycroft/brain

Kenny Prince/Sherlock/body

Raoul de Santos/Jim/sex

Sekhmet the cat/John/love

Back then I did only a very quick research of Sekhmet, the Egyptian goddess, because my main focus was on the human actors. Still, the combination of warrior and healer in Sekhmet’s attributes, combined with a strong connection to the sun, convinced me that this cat represents John. John is a soldier and a doctor, he hasn’t only a strong connection to the sun (conductor of light) but also to the lion … panthera leo ... family: felidae … cats. 

“Sekhmet. Named after the Egyptian goddess.”  (Kenny Prince, TGG)

Playing around with the five cases of TGG lately (Bruce-Partington), Sekhmet the cat came into focus once more and I researched that Egyptian goddess a bit more deeply … and found a lot of interesting and astonishing things I never noticed before.

Anyone who is interested in Egyptian goddesses in connection with Sherlock BBC, some musings on cats & lions and a little bit on dogs as well  ...  there’s more under the cut …. 

Sekhmet

In ancient Egypt Sekhmet was worshipped as a warrior goddess as well as a goddess of healing. She was depicted in art as a lioness, the fiercest hunter known to the Egyptians or as a woman with the head of a lioness, who was dressed in red, the colour of blood. Sekhmet was also a solar deity, sometimes called the daughter of Ra and bears the Uraeus (serpent), and the solar disk on her head. She is closely associated with the goddesses Hathor and Bastet and the Eye of Ra. 

Meaning of the name Sekhmet:  "the one who is powerful or mighty". Sekhmet was also called "One before whom evil trembles", "Mistress of Dread", "Lady of Slaughter" and "She who mauls". It was said that her breath formed the desert. She was seen as the protector of the pharaohs and led them in warfare. 

The festivals of intoxication 

To pacify Sekhmet, festivals were celebrated … the Egyptians danced and played music to soothe the wildness of the goddess and drank great quantities of wine ritually, to imitate the extreme drunkenness that stopped the wrath of the goddess, when she almost destroyed humanity. 

Hathor 

She was a major goddess who played a wide variety of roles and was one of several goddesses who acted as the Eye of Ra, Ra's feminine counterpart, and in this form she had a vengeful aspect that protected him from his enemies.

Hathor was often depicted as a cow, symbolizing her maternal and celestial aspects, although her most common form was a woman wearing a headdress of cow horns and a sun disk. She could also be represented as a lioness or a cobra. Titles given to her were: ‘Mistress of the Stars/Sky’, ‘Mistress of Love’, ‘Lady of the Offering/Contentment’.

Myths connecting Sekhmet and Hathor

In a myth about the end of Ra's rule on the earth, Ra sends Hathor as Sekhmet to destroy mortals who conspired against him. Sekhmet's blood-lust was not quelled at the end of battle and led to her destroying almost all of humanity, so Ra poured out beer, dyed red, so that it resembled blood. Mistaking the beer for blood, she became so drunk that she gave up the slaughter and returned peacefully to Ra.

In the ‘Book of the Heavenly Cow’. Ra sends Hathor as the Eye of Ra to punish humans for plotting rebellion against his rule. She becomes the lioness goddess Sekhmet and massacres the rebellious humans, but Ra decides to prevent her from killing all humanity. He orders that beer be dyed red and poured out over the land. The Eye goddess drinks the beer, mistaking it for blood, and in her inebriated state reverts to being the benign and beautiful Hathor. 

The two aspects of the Eye goddess ... violent and dangerous versus beautiful and joyful ... reflected the Egyptian belief that women encompassed both extreme passions of fury and love.

Bastet 

Originally she was also worshipped as a lioness goddess, just as Sekhmet. Along with the other lioness goddesses, Bastet would occasionally be depicted as the embodiment of the Eye of Ra and her festival was celebrated with great amouts of wine. Her name became associated with the lavish jars in which Egyptians stored their ointment used as perfume. Bastet thus gradually became regarded as the goddess of perfumes, earning the title of ‘perfumed protector’. Greeks occupying ancient Egypt toward the end of its civilization changed her into a goddess of the moon.

Eventually Bastet and Sekhmet were characterized as two aspects of the same goddess, with Sekhmet representing the dangerous side of her personality and Bastet, who was increasingly depicted as a cat, representing her benign side.

The Eye of Ra

The Eye of Ra is a feminine counterpart to the sun god Ra and a violent force that subdues his enemies. It is an extension of Ra's power, equated with the disk of the sun, but it is also an independent entity, which can be personified by  goddesses like Hathor, Sekhmet, Bastet and others. The Eye goddess acts as mother, sibling, consort, and daughter of the sun god. She is his partner in the creative cycle in which he begets the renewed form of himself that is born at dawn. 

The Egyptians often referred to the sun and the moon as the "eye"s of particular gods. At times they called the solar eye the "Eye of Ra" and the lunar eye the "Eye of Horus". The related hieroglyphs show the eye iconographically mirrored … from the perspective of the viewer it’s the left eye, from the viewpoint of the god, it’s the right one.

Source of historical information and images: Wikipedia (Sekhmet, Hathor, Bastet Eye of Ra)

Astonishing details shared with Sherlock BBC

The symbol of the eye turns up throughout the whole story. The sprayed eye from TBB and Sherlock’s eye from TEH.   ( Eyes    Eyes & Questionmarks)

Women dressed in red. Mary in TEH and Faith in TLD

A woman wearing cow horns. Mary in TSOT and Janine can also be seen with them in HLV. 

A woman wearing a snake on her head. Amanda in TBB.

The ‘Perfumed Protector’ and the moon. Sherlock and Mary from TEH and Claire de la Lune from HLV.   (Claire de la Lune   Clair De La Lune   Perfume Deduction   All things are blue

Lots of lions. These are both from TBB.  (John is the Lion sculpture  Cupid lions and omnia vincit Amor   TBB - hic sunt leones   Corporal Lyons’ insignias of love   Lions in TAB) 

The conductor of light. John in TGG and THOB.

A feast of drunkeness. Sherlock and John in TSOT.

Sekhmet  (TGG and a pic of the Gayer-Anderson Cat, which is believed to be a representation of Bastet (X)

Could it be that someone involved with Sherlock BBC is a big fan of Ancient Egypt? Or is all this just coincidence? Anyway, Sekhmet, Hathor, Bastet and the Eye of Ra …. all of them are closely connected to one another. 

one transforms into the other and back again

one develops from the other

they represent different aspects of the same thing

Regarding Sherlock BBC, this duality feels rather familiar. Especially where the ‘canines’ of the story are concerned. As @sagestreet points out in the Follow the Dog metas, all dogs are connected to sex and the fear of sex is represented by the monstrous hound. Two variations of canines serve to express different attitudes towards sexuality. 

At the same time there are also two human characters (male and female) who act as main mirrors for sexuality … Jim Moriarty, who conveniently calls himself Mr. Sex and Irene Adler, the cunning dominatrix. And in one scene from THOB two dogs can be seen in a shop, sitting side by side behind glass.

Sexuality is a very important aspect in life and in this story as well. Dogs and traces of dogs are interwined with it from the first to the last episode. RedBeard, either Irish Setter or someone else, turns out to be a key element in Sherlock’s past. 

What about love?

There’s another important aspect in life and in this story, besides sexuality. This aspect is love. How farfetched is it to assume that love might be portrayed in a similar way as sex? There exist already two human characters (male and female) who are widely considered to be main mirrors for love … John Watson and Molly Hooper. But is there also an animal who could represent love, like the dogs represent sex? An animal that appears, similar to the canines, in two different variations? 

Two cats in one pic, sitting in a shop behind glass … very similar to the two dogs in Speedy’s window. There are also two variations of felines who play a role in the story … cats and lions. A tame pet version and the big, wild and dangerous relative of the same species. And while John Watson is connected to lion and sun, Molly Hooper owns Toby the cat. 

Yes. I am officially going to be a mad old cat woman. I'm 31 and I'm single and I've bought a cat. But he's great. He's called Toby.   (Molly’s blog)

Felines …. cats and lions

A cat can scratch and bite you. It hurts, yes, but it wont kill you. A lion though, that one surely is able to ‘break every bone in your body, while naming it’ and can easily shred your heart into tiny pieces. Lions also often suffocate their prey by covering the muzzle. It’s called ‘the kiss of death’.

Molly & Irene - female mirrors for love & sex

There exists a striking similarity between Molly Hooper (love) and Irene Adler (sex). At Christmas in ASIB, both women send a gift for Sherlock (Mouth like a crimson wound). On both ocassions the wrapping paper is colour-coordinated with the lipstick. ‘The shade of red echoes her lipstick’ explains Sherlock in Molly’s case while the picture of Irene’s gift comes with a flashback to the beginning of the episode when she decides that a ‘shade of blood’ would be the perfect colour for her lips. Sherlock opens only one of the two presents that day … that of Irene (sex). I wrote about it in Explosive, it’s more me . The content of Molly’s present (love), is never revealed. 

John & Jim - male mirrors for love & sex

Choices and consequences … that’s a main theme which runs through the whole story and Sherlock seems to be torn between two aspects: John or James, James or John, saint or sinner … friend or lover … the more is less. This topic is adressed in detail in  Solutions or Choices  and  The Big Question - The menaing of Reichenbach. Therefore I leave it here. The picture below shows the strong connection between John (love) and Jim (sex) very clearly.

Sex and love

Sex - is action. It can be the breathtaking fulfillment of love. It can be given without love, it can be supressed, it can be sold, bought or taken by force. Sexuality can be controlled and locked away somewhere deep down in the hidden places of the soul. 

Love - is quite a different matter. Love can’t be supressed, sold or bought, or taken by force. Love can’t be given if it’s not there in the first place. Love can’t be controlled. Love is what it is. If love is there, it’s there. If not, then not. Love isn’t action. It is emotion. 

Therfore love is a much more dangerous aspect to deal with than sex … if one tries to avoid it because one is afraid of it. 

How to deal with too much unwanted emotion?

If Jim represents sex in this story, Sherlock’s counter measure against Mr. Sex seems to be a padded cell deep down in his mind palace. Here he keeps the unwanted urges fixed in a straight jacket and chained to the wall with an iron leash …. like a monstrous hound from hell  (Shoes for the hound).  A measure probably based on the pinciple: ‘don’t want it, don’t act on it’

LESTRADE: ... but these (murders) do appear to be suicides. We know the difference. The, um, the poison was clearly self-administered. REPORTER 3: Yes, but if they are murders, how do people keep themselves safe? LESTRADE: Well, don’t commit suicide.

Counter measures against love

If John represent love, how does Sherlock deal with love? This indomitable, uncontainable emotion. How does he react to a feeling he fears and desires at the same time? Comparing love to a powerful and deadly animal like a lion(ess) … what measures does Sherlock take to deal with that lion(ess)? How does one keep a dangerous lion(ess), if one can’t control that creature, that emotion? 

If one can’t chain it … maybe one can change it? 

It is known that Sherlock changes stories he doesn’t like. Could he apply a similar treatment to an emotion he fears? Transforms Sherlock LOVE, the mighty lion(ess), into a harmless cat, so he can keep it without danger. And the only remnant which indicates the actual origin of that ‘cat’ is the name Sherlock chooses for her in the play he creates on his mind stage ….. Sekhmet, the lioness goddess of war and healing. 

The cat breed chosen to play Sekhmet is a Sphynx Cat. Maybe that's not just another lovely nod to Ancient Egypt. It could also confirm Sherlock’s strategy to deal with his fear of an emotion like love ... by diminishing the source of that fear. Because of all cat breeds on this planet, Sphynx Cats are among the most vulnerable and helpless ones. 

Without a fur, their body isn’t protected against sunburn, hot/cold/wet weather, bites/scratches from other animals. They need to be bathed regularly to remove body-oils which would normally be absorbed by the fur. Without the constant care of their humans, those cats would not be able to survive outdoors for long. Maybe as a reaction to this helplessness, these cats have developed a very close and more dog-like relationship with humans. 

Diminishing the source of a fear in order to bypass it, to better cope with it … this strategy is also adressed in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, when Professor Lupin introduces his pupils to a boggart and teaches them how to deal with that creature:

"It's a shape-shifter. It can take the shape of whatever it thinks will frighten us most. Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces, Nobody knows what a boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears.” 

“The charm that repels a boggart is simple, yet it requires force of mind. You see, the thing that really finishes a boggart is laughter. What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find amusing …. force it to look comical.”  (X)

Transforming a fear into something that is ridiculous or something that is profoundly helpless, achieves quite the same result. The fear might not go away but it diminishes. 

The conclusion of the Prince’s case

It isn’t Kenny, it is Connie who owns Sekhmet the cat and it is also Connie who employs Raoul de Santos. An appropiate choice if Connie indeed represents the brain. Both, the chemistry of love and of sex, have their origins in the brain after all.

The scenario performed in this little play on Sherlock’s mind stage, tells the story of a man (Kenny/Sherlock), of a body, who is clearly ruled and dominated by his brain (Connie/Mycroft). And that body isn’t happy at all under the reign of this government. It’s a brain that ‘works’, that ‘shows off’, a brain that knows exactly ‘what goes best with what’. While the body, the transport, gets constantly bullied, ridiculed and forced into a role it doesn’t want. But apparently there are also parts of the same brain that contemplate thoughts of love (Sekhmet/John) and sex (Raoul de Santos/Jim). 

Mirrored in the shiny surface of the table:  John & Sekhmet (love & love on different levels) while Raoul (sex) is silently lurking in the background.

By the end of this scenario Sherlock seems to come to the conclusion that sex would be the death of brain. Better and more reasonable to lock sex up somewhere deep down inside himself and stay safely back with the harmless cat. Definitely leave the lion in the bag. Cat/love/John without sex/Raoul/Jim would still be love …. philia/agape …. not eros. 

The outcome of the Prince’s experiment seems to be Sherlock’s basis for the following experiments. At any rate, by the end of The Reichenbach Fall, he comes to a very similar conclusion. Here too Sherlock chooses brain/work over love and sex. This time to save friendship (philia) and he sends his body into hiatus/undercover … into a metaphorical coffin. 

Then he puts on a facade to hide his true self behind it. And Sherlock keeps the cat/lion(ess) because, after all, he (Sherlock/Mary) is a big cat lover. 

Thanks for reading this far. I leave you to your own deductions. Thanks @callie-ariane for the scripts. :)

November, 2018

Related metas which inspired me:

Follow the dog Meta-Series   Cats and dogs   Conny and Kenny Prince   John is the Lion sculpture

Cupid lions and omnia vincit Amor   TBB - hic sunt leones   Corporal Lyons’ insignias of love   Lions in TAB   

Sherlock Cats&Dogs   

@gosherlocked @sherlockshadow @possiblyimbiassed @raggedyblue @sarahthecoat @sagestreet @loveismyrevolution @spenglernot

[etymologv]

dear mother of penguins

genre: oneshot, almost drabble-like, fluff, slight angst (but really, mostly some schoolgirl fluff lol). Hamilton references.

pairing: highschool!kim taehyung x reader

word count: 2.3k+

summary: A series of interactions with Kim Taehyung, someone you never understood enough, and possibly never will.

(a/n): this was my first ever fic and short story that's not for a school requirement and I just really felt like writing this, edited a bit from the original version from my main blog. enjoy! :)

Taehyung. He has always intimidated you without even trying to. He was tall, or at least much taller than you were. He was popular for being and having basically everything everyone else seemed to look at—good looks, an angelic voice, brains, and good humor. Maybe a little too much humor though. But deep inside, you knew you loved it.

Decent. That was how you described, maybe rated him in eighth grade when your best friend of two years Irene asked you what you think about him, because everyone just liked him. You found that part odd though, because you’ve known him for two years and you have always thought that he was decent at best.

Math. It was a math project in the first semester of tenth grade that made you talk for the first time. You’ve had interactions before, but those interactions didn’t even reach the point of interacting enough for them to count as actual conversations. And for the first time, you thought, maybe he isn’t as intimidating as you had always viewed him.

“Ah, I’m lucky,” you hear him whisper as Mr. Jung announced the pairings for the project. He was even smiling. You almost blush.

At around nine in the evening, he contacts you in the form of a Facebook message, the first of your Messenger conversation.

Taehyung: Helloooo im starting w page 5 and working my way up, can u start w page 1??haha

And so you did. After finishing two pages, you read his messages on his progress and oh my goodness he has finished three pages and apologizing for doing almost nothing?! Though you didn’t mind. You were even amused.

Fresh linen. You noticed that that was how he smelled while you were checking each other’s work. Attractive, you thought to yourself.

Glances. You found yourself stealing glances only to see him already looking at you.

Fast forward, your English teacher announces that your project for the year is a stage play. And of course, everyone wanted Taehyung to be the male lead character.

He deserved it though, he had this soothing voice that could have this aggressively ambitious vibe to it if he wanted to. Perfect for Alexander Hamilton. You even thought he sounded a bit like Lin Manuel-Miranda.

You ended up having the role of his mistress. Who would sit on his lap grabbing his hair, his face buried to your shoulder. Now, let us tone that down before you experience problems in breathing and just talk about the part where you would cup each other’s left cheek. Your innocent high school heart gets on the verge of exploding just with the thought of your scenes.

After your first weekend practice for the stage play, you had snacks. And a whole pack of ice cubes for some reason.

After the war, I went back to New York, a-after the war I went back to New York-

Non-stop. That was the song that was playing when he ended up in front of you, cupping both cheeks instead of one. Neither of you said anything. Staring. There was just staring.

This is the first murder trial of our brand-new nation-

Your heart was thumping violently, pace increasing each discernable unit of time. You were scared, scared of how you looked, if you blushed. You were scared that however you reacted would give you away. You looked down and tried to play off the looking-down as something cute by swaying your head with his hands still on it. Left, right, left. He removed his hands. Neither of you said anything, and both of you just joined your classmates in the game they were playing using the ice cubes.

You felt something. You felt it. No matter how many times you tried to reason out what happened with it simply being part of practicing. Hell, the song where you were supposed to do that wasn’t even playing.

After some minutes, you ran to Jimin to give him a detailed report on the interaction. Sometimes you regret telling one of his closest friends about how you like Taehyung a lot, but Jimin was that kind of person who would smile at you and support you on your almost-nonexistent moves, as he puts it.

The next week, he laughed maybe a little too loudly at a joke you said.

I hid the letter and I raced to her place-

You ran to each other, his arms grabbing yours. You insist that you had nothing to do with your husband James Reynolds knowing about your affair. And then you whispered, “You know, this does look very similar to In Time. I’m basically draining the time you have left right now.” He let go of your arms and started laughing. Really loudly. While walking around and eventually banging his right fist against the wall for more laughing support. It was very Kim Taehyung to laugh at whatever whenever, but you couldn’t help but think this was maybe a little too much. Still, you liked it. A smile forms on your lips. His boxy smile, that signature Kim Taehyung smile, that was going to be the death of you.

Later that day, Jimin and Taehyung started paper mache-ing their way to making guns for props.

“Can you help Taehyung with the gun he’s working on? You can tear the newspapers for him. If you want.”

Ah, Jimin. If you looked closely, you would have seen how his eyebrows bounced up and down slightly. Breathe in, breathe out. With a careful small quick smile, you nodded.

You grabbed the lifestyle section and sat on President Washington’s chair. Or Alexander Hamilton’s. Depends on which song you look at. Can you even look at songs? What are you even saying? Breathe in, breathe out. He chose one of the chairs for Non-stop, which was very much beside yours.

And you were talking. After 15 minutes, you still were. At first, it was just about music taste and all that jazz (and sometimes you hate your humor for having puns even in your narrations), but the topics somehow got deeper. It felt amazing. He intrigued you, he seemed like someone that’s unreachable, in the sense that he wasn’t the type to go below the surface.

“Is Supreme close?” You were curious. He was part of Supreme, the dominating social group of the school, but part of you didn’t feel like the group was healthy for each other. Damn, a lot of people even thought their name itself wasn’t good for them. A couple, both sides members of Supreme too, suddenly went awkward because Supreme kept pushing them together. Jongdae, also a member, posted an unfunny meme of Taehyung’s picture even though Taehyung wasn’t laughing anymore. Maybe they just didn’t have the word limits in their vocabularies.

After some seconds, he replied, “I guess so, yeah, I mean we do hang out sometimes, eat lunch as a group, watch movies and shit like that.”

“I mean, close, like open to each other, like you’d share what you’re feeling, joke around but know each others’ limits, and ‘shit like that’?”

Taehyung looks up. “I guess I can’t say everyone’s comfortable with everyone. You see, we’re like a network of units of close friends. The girls have their own thing most of the time too.”

You’re reminded of how many times the thought that he keeps everything to himself without any form of release has crossed your mind. You just feel it when someone’s down. And whenever you feel that he is, nobody asks him if everything’s okay.

You find yourself wanting to be the one he opens up to.

You stand up and make your way to Jimin to refill your cup of glue solution. When you come back, Taehyung is sitting your chair, chuckling, “Thank you for the chair. You can go sit on my hand-me-down-much-less-comfortable one.”

And suddenly you were both laughing full on, both wondering why, but still laughing.

“Oh, and hey, let’s exchange numbers? For stage play matters?” He looks like he’s trying to hold back laughter, but you take his phone and enter your number anyway. He adds a contact to your phone as well.

The next weekend, he was late to the practice, but maybe it’s you who came early since aside from you, there were only five people.

To Taehyung

Heyheyhey where are you?

You text him. There was no reply.

“Have you realized anything yet?” was the first thing he said when he arrived.

“What is there to realize?”

“Well. Maybe I entered one less digit than I was supposed to in your contacts.”

Taehyung that little…  “Yah!” So that was why.

Taehyung with his hair down, parted in the middle. That would make you melt faster than the sun can.

The day before the stage play, he had his hair down, parted in the middle. And dear mother of penguins he looked amazing. Breathe in, breathe out. Do not fangirl in front of him. “You look nice with your hair down,” you manage to tell him without melting because you would like to reiterate—dear mother of penguins he looked amazing.

But dear grandmother of penguins, he styled his hair like that for the whole week.

Summer. It was one summer three am when he messaged you with only your name in it. You replied as soon as you woke up, which was eight hours later.

You: Hi, sorry for replying late, what’s up?

Taehyung: Ah, nothing, I’m sorry

Taehyung: Again im sorry

You: What for? everything ok??

Taehyung: Nothing, sorry again

The next day, you message him.

You: Henlo

Taehyung: I heard that greeting was for stinky people?? Stop greeting yourself HAHAHA

You: YAH!!!

You: >:<<<<<

Taehyung: Anyways

Taehyung: Yesterday when I chatted you

Taehyung: I said it was nothing because I was drinking with Yoongi at that time haha

A beat. Your heart just skipped a beat.

Nana. In the middle of the first semester of twelfth grade, you noticed that he’s been with Nana a lot recently. Nana getting into his car with him. Nana spending lunch with him. You’d try to avoid selfish thoughts, but you can’t help but notice how you’ve been talking much less. And not so long after it was confirmed. You were beginning to sound like a thirteen year old whose crush won’t like her back at this point, But she was everything you weren’t. Fair skin, bright eyes, long legs. She screamed the societal standards of beautiful.

But you can’t forget how she broke Jimin’s heart, and how Taehyung’s could be broken too.

Watch. That was all you could do. Watch and see what happens. You’d accept it if they’re happy. Though that would hurt you, you would somehow accept it and learn to be happy for them as well. If he gets hurt, then you’d be there, and when he heals, you’d still be there. You would cry with him and recommend both sad and uplifting songs and crack the corniest of the jokes with him. You were still young, and it wasn’t sure if your feelings for Taehyung would fade or not. But you would watch. You would be open to other possibilities, because whatever happens, happens.

Twelve years after. It was twelve years after you graduated from high school that you first saw him in person again. You entered different universities, and just… lost touch. The last time you heard from him was when he messaged you saying that he was going to delete his Facebook account because his parents told him to, but he didn’t mention his new number.

You were absent-mindedly munching down popcorn when Jimin called your name. He was at the food counter, arguing with the staff because he was pissed that they were out of cheese powder, and put barbecue flavor powder instead on your shared extra-large bucket, without telling either of you about it. He was extra mad, because he planned everything for the string of activities for your honeymoon. You both wanted cheese, you both loved cheese and knew it, but you didn’t mind barbecue. Except he did, because it was an extra-large bucket that is not cheese. He was so mad to the point that he wanted to talk to the manager, but the manager was on leave, and the owner of the movie house was there instead.

You stood up, walked to the counter, and instantly froze when you saw the reason Jimin called you. There he was, Kim Taehyung, hugging Park Jimin. He was the owner, and you have no idea why you haven’t seen each other when this movie house was where half your dates with Jimin took place. Seven years of frequenting the place and not noticing at all? Was this the first leave of the manager in seven years? Didn’t other customers with worse tempers have complaints?

“Hi,” was all you could say.

“Hi, it’s been so long. How are you?”

You run to them and join the hug, and after pulling away, you say, “As much as I would like to talk to you right now and catch up, the movie we’ve been planning on watching since the trailer came out is starting in fifteen minutes and I’m sorry.”

“Coffee? The three of us? After the movie?” He offers.

After the movie, you catch up. He tells you that his parents gave him this movie house as a gift when he finished college. And that he took a business management course. And that he and Nana broke up after five years of going on and off. You tell him that after seven years of being with Jimin, you got married about a month ago. Your husband adds that this movie date was part of your honeymoon which you’re not supposed to know how long it’s going to be because he’s got it all planned as a surprise, and that he’s still upset about the popcorn flavor, but of course he’s joking and Taehyung knows that. What he didn’t tell you was that he has seen you and Jimin several times, but he didn’t want to show himself. Watch. That was all he could do. He knew that he was special to you, but he also knew that Jimin was much more than that. You looked much happier, you were much happier. He figured that showing himself might confuse you, and he didn’t want to risk that. He believed that you and Jimin were strong, but he still wanted to wait for the right time. Though the right time never seemed to come.

And there he was, watching you two leave the café, smiling at how being in a fight with the cheese powder supplier gave him peace.