#also change of plans when I'm done with school next year I am getting the fuck out to idk Saint Etienne away from anyone in my family

[sschmendrick]

Today was a shit day, announcing a shit week and a shit next month. Guess I'm just going to cut myself off from everyone, the small family lest I have included and just work and sulk in my room.

[mercy-burning]

…I Wonder

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader becomes a full-time nanny to three-year-old Benjamin, but what she doesn’t realize is just how hard the job will be— not because of the child, but rather her growing attraction to his father. Category: Mature (18+) Content: adults with age gap, drinking, dry humping, oral sex (both receiving), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, “little girl” nickname, cum play, praise Word Count: 11k (idk how this keeps happening lol)

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This fic is titled after and loosely inspired by "Pony" by Ashley Monroe. It's not required listening, but obviously I recommend the song. It's been a favorite of mine since I was a teenager obsessed with Dean Winchester, so... that probably explains a lot about why I am the way I am... LMAO anyway, enjoy <3 I had a blast writing this one!!

———

ACT I: If I Had A Baby...

The first job I ever had also happened to be the best job I ever had. I was twenty years old, and I found an ad in the paper searching for a full-time nanny to a little boy. I didn't think anything of it, other than I desperately needed the money and I didn't mind babysitting. A few years out of school with no plans to attend college and no solid idea of what I wanted to do with my life, I wasn't sure if I'd even get hired. I was almost certain that no one would want a college-aged kid with no stable ambitions or previous job experience, but I was desperate. And CPR-certified.

It was a start. A shot in the dark.

By some miracle, Spencer Reid apparently was also desperate enough to be willing to take a chance on me.

He explained over the phone that he was away more than he'd like to be, and even if he tried to work from home, doing FBI work and raising a toddler alone at the same time was nearly impossible. I agreed to an interview, absolutely elated that I had a foot in the door and the bright beacon of hope for some sort of routine. Something to occupy my time and something to care about, to care for.

I was expecting the work to be... not hard, necessarily, but I wasn't naive enough to believe that taking care of a child was a walk in the park. There would surely be tantrums or bouts of "I miss Daddy!" or refusal to eat what I made him for lunch... I knew going into these interviews that I would be signing up for a major responsibility that meant a lot, not only to Spencer but also to his child. I had to prove that I could do my job and do it well. That alone was a challenge, but one I was willing to work with. I was ready for it.

What I wasn't ready for, however, was the betrayal I felt when my brain failed to warn me of the possibility that he was not only a single father, but a hot one.

The second I showed up at his door and he opened the barrier between us, I swear it felt like the sun swallowed me whole and burnt me to a crisp. He smiled brightly and introduced himself, and I was done for.

"You must be Y/N! Hi, I'm Doctor Spencer Reid."

Doctor? So he was smart, then, too. Perfect. The Trifecta of Peak Hotness had been achieved. That instantly made this new job ten-times harder than I anticipated, and I hadn't even started yet.

I wasn't sure I could go through with it at first, but the more we talked, the more I relaxed, and I felt sympathy for him. He was a genuinely kind and loving parent who wanted the best for his son, a three-year-old named Benjamin who loved dinosaurs and airplanes and Cheeto Puffs. I didn't get to meet him that day, since he was with his Aunt JJ (who, the way Spencer told it, was most likely feeding his Cheeto Puff addiction as we spoke), but if the interview went well, I'd get to meet him in the next week.

I mulled over my options and almost decided not to show up for the next interview; to call and tell him I'd changed my mind or something, but it pained me to even imagine the disappointment in his voice had he asked me why. For whatever reason, the vivid image of a toddler pouting and crying to his father because he had to leave, and that no one wanted to care for him burned itself into my soul until I relented and just took the job anyway.

It was fair to at least meet the kid first, right?

Benny was insanely talkative— but not really conversational. Most of the time I tried to keep up, but his mouth was moving a mile a minute, and the conversation always ended up falling flat on my end, so I pretty quickly decided to give up and enthusiastically let him carry it.

He had his father's brains as well. For hours that first meeting, he sat there and read me passages of aircraft encyclopedias, and in between two random sections I politely requested that we move on to dinosaurs (which were infinitely cooler). And then, in that adorable toddler voice that made it impossible to be irritated, he looked up at me with wide eyes and said, "I read all my dinosaur books last week. This week is for airplanes."

Spencer looked like he was going to divert the conversation entirely, perhaps suggest that Benny do something else while we talked some more, but who was I to interrupt the kid's routine and crush his dreams? If I was going to be his nanny, then I was going to have to make him like me. Right?

So, I nodded like I'd never considered it and encouraged him to keep going. To which he did, very happily.

Spencer seemed happy, too. He was always delighted to see Benny when he came home from work, but there was something about the way he relaxed and perked up all the same at my first interactions with his son that twisted my gut. What that man was filled with at the sight of me wasn't just joy, but hope, too, and regardless of where that joy and hope came from, it was an incredibly dangerous thing to notice as a young woman.

It was way too easy to fall into daydream territory. I was alert and attentive when watching Benny, of course, but the second Spencer walked in and completely knocked the wind out of me with that joy and relief radiating from his perfect smile, it was like a screw came loose in my brain and turned me into a feral, horny beast. And then I would return home, alone with my thoughts, and I couldn't divert them from the wild direction they took.

At first it was just your standard wet dream, a girl lusting over the older man she nannied for. It was purely pornographic and provided nothing but short-term relief until I saw him in person again, which frustrated me.

I almost thought about quitting, or saying I was looking into schooling so I could cut down on my hours, but...

That wasn't fair to Benny. He and I had actually formed a pretty stellar routine, if I do say so myself.

And every time I thought about leaving, I couldn't help but think about what I would tell him. Would I even tell him anything at all, or would Spencer just omit me from his life completely and give him an explanation in my place? Who would watch over him after I left? Someone old and mean who made him eat vegetables instead of Cheeto Puffs, and demanded he read to them about dinosaurs instead of airplanes, not giving him the option to develop his curiosity in whatever way he chose? Who would tuck him into bed on the nights his father was late or out of town, and would they sleep on the couch soundly and happily like I did?

I hated even thinking about it.

And then there was the first paycheck.

Truth be told, I hadn't even thought about the money, not after I met the boys and introduced them into my daily routine. I remembered Spencer telling me after my first day alone with Benny that he wouldn't get a paycheck to me until the start of the next month, and I was okay with it. Really, I was just focusing on trying not to drool for the entire conversation, but I digress.

Payment completely slipped my mind.

And then I showed up to do my job, and Benny was nowhere in sight.

"Where's the little guy?" I inquired, looking around and hearing nothing either. "He's usually waiting at the door for me like a dog."

Spencer laughed and concealed something behind his back. "He does really enjoy his nights with you... He's actually staying with JJ and her kids tonight, though. Our schedules opened up and she offered to take him for the night. I was going to call and tell you, but I wanted to give you this, anyway."

He handed me an envelope, folded over but not sealed. I took it with an, "Oh," unsure of what it was until I saw the corner of the check. It felt rude somehow to open it in front of him, but his presence was so overwhelming anyway, especially being alone with him, that I needed something to occupy my hands and my thoughts and just about everything else I had in my possession.

At first, I thought it was a joke. A prank. It was too good to be true; He was just messing with me and would hand me a fifty-dollar bill on my way out for my trouble. Surely, if not that, then it was a mistake.

I didn't know how long I'd stood there, staring at the paper with whatever expression was all over my face, but it must have been too long and too concerning because Spencer sounded worried when he asked, "Is there something wrong?"

I blinked for a moment, then finally had the courage to look him in the eye, my mouth completely dry. "You are not giving me five-thousand dollars right now."

"Well... No, technically, I'm giving you a check for five-thousand dollars. What you do with it and when is completely up to you, but... You deserve it. Y/N, you've been a Godsend, and Benny and I are lucky to have you around. Thank you. Very much."

I didn't even think about it. It was an insanely kind gesture, and I was in such a state of shock and gratitude and mind-numbing attraction to him in that moment that I leapt forward and flung my arms around his neck, tears stinging my eyes.

He hugged me back tightly and laughed, allowing me to cry my thanks into his shoulder as we nearly tumbled into the coffee table.

ACT II: If I Was A Lady...

The months flew by, and before I knew it, it was Benny's fourth birthday.

Spencer and his friends heavily involved me in the planning process, a gesture that surprised me, but that I obviously would never be thankful enough for. It's not like I hadn't ever known a loving family or anything, but they were all so warm and welcoming; it was like I'd been friends with them my whole life. My chest bloomed brightly with every laugh and every hug, and I don't think I could have been any happier. I felt like I belonged there.

It was a day, and night, I would never forget.

Everyone had left, and Benny was fast asleep in his bed. Spencer and I looked down at him with smiles so bright, if they'd actually radiated any light the poor boy would have woken up.

"Ah, the cake coma," I laughed quietly, Spencer guiding me out of the bedroom. I couldn't stop giggling even as we walked—Admittedly, I was a little buzzed on champagne. Still, Spencer laughed with me, and we sat down on the couch. I could tell he was exhausted, but happy.

"I still have to clean all of this up..." It was more of an amused I'll-do-it-tomorrow statement, but I had this drunken simmering need to please him so badly that I shook my head and hit his arm.

"No. That's my job. I'll take care of it, you just take your beautiful ass right to bed, you hear me?"

He raised an eyebrow but laughed at me anyway, clearly amused by my banter. "Maybe I shouldn't have allowed the underage drinking after all..."

"Oh, please. I'm not even drunk, just a little loose. Besides, I'll be twenty-one in a couple of months anyway."

"Mmmm."

I hadn't realized how much closer we'd gotten until just then, when he hummed and looked me over. I could feel his breath on my face, and our limbs were just barely touching. Suddenly it was like my entire body was numb, sizzling everywhere we touched, and the champagne had become a part of my bloodstream. The fizz was all I knew, all I was.

Spencer's eyes found mine, and they didn't look away. They pulled me in slowly. I was powerless to stop it, not that I'd ever want to...

In fact, I very eagerly melted into him the second our lips found each other. My head swam, my fingers started tingling, and I was very aware of every movement we made. I straddled his lap, and he welcomed me with open arms, pulling me flush against him as his tongue darted out swiftly to taste mine.

I couldn't believe it was actually happening. Every few seconds I kept thinking to myself, this feels like a dream... It has to be a dream... Between the pent-up attraction I'd been accumulating for him over the last few months and the alcohol that loosened me up and dissolved any ounce of common sense I possessed, I felt like I was in a different world entirely.

He hardened underneath me and my nerves went nuclear, instinctively forcing my body to roll over his. I ground my hips, aching to feel that sweet friction that I'd only felt once before with another man— so long ago and so unbelievably dull in comparison to the sensations I was feeling in Spencer's lap. I was only barely experienced with sex, but I was experienced enough to know that I didn't have anything to be nervous about; This man would take good care of me. I felt it in my bones.

The thought alone sent my body into overdrive. I whined and rolled my hips relentlessly, wishing I was completely bare and feeling him so deep inside me that his absence would leave me haunted. I wanted to feel him forever. I wanted him to ruin my life and claim me as his own, until there was absolutely nothing left of me.

His hands cradled my head reverently as he continued to kiss me deep and slow, raising his hips up to meet mine and aid in getting me off. The gentle tugs of his fingers through my hair and the warm hums of encouragement he offered to my mouth as I climbed higher and higher towards that precipice of pleasure made me weak. I felt so fragile in his arms, like I was meant to be right there, allowing him to guide me wherever. I would have done anything for him, anything so long as he kept holding me and making me sigh—making me glow.

"Fuck—I'm gonna come," I exclaimed in a broken whisper, breaking apart from his mouth to bury my face in his hair. He brought his hands down to my hips then, groaning as quietly as he could into my neck as he helped me rock back and forth across his lap.

It wasn't an earth-shattering intense orgasm by any means; there wasn't nearly enough stimulation for that. But I was so wet and aroused that even the low, quick and burning pleasure that shot through my core for a few seconds was enough to satisfy me. I wasn't in any position to complain.

That was, of course, until I reached down to touch Spencer's belt, and he pushed me away. Not aggressively, but his hands—which had been so gentle and welcoming just moments before—had gone rigid. Frozen and firm, like he'd just been scared half to death.

He scrambled out from my reach and put so much distance between us that I went cold. My name tumbled from his lips in a regretful sigh, and it stung.

"We can't ever do that again."

"Okay," was all I could manage to say. I was still tingling all over, like my whole body had fallen numb and was now just warming up to the idea of having senses again.

"That was irresponsible. And I'm too old for you."

"M-hm," I agreed absentmindedly.

"You should go home."

"Okay."

"I'll call you a cab."

"Thank you."

I went home that night with a deep twist in my gut that wouldn't go away. The rejection hurt. It scared me, too, wondering if I'd still have a job when I woke up in the morning. Was that the last time I would ever see Spencer? And Benny? Had I really just screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me?

I barely slept. Every time I closed my eyes, I was back on Spencer's couch, getting myself off in his lap and reveling in his embrace. I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, hating myself for being so reckless, and even more so for not regretting it a single bit.

After I was finally able to get a solid couple of hours of sleep, I had a text message from Spencer waiting for me when I woke up.

I sincerely apologize for last night. The job is still yours, but I also understand if you don't want it anymore. Take a few days, whatever time you need, and let me know.

I was relieved, of course, but also deeply curious to know how we would keep things professional after something like that. I guess I was just mostly surprised that he was willing to, considering he seemed pretty rattled by it.

Still, If he was willing to try, then so was I.

I'm sorry, too. I wouldn't give up you and Benjamin for the world. All is well?

He texted back almost immediately; All is well.

It only clicked into place a few months later, once the initial shock of our "escapade" had faded away and we could return to business as normal. Because, really, the truth was we couldn't return to business as normal. We tried, but he never looked me in the eye for longer than a second at a time, he refused to touch me in any way, careful not to even brush my hand as he handed me my monthly check, and his small talk was even more painful than it had been previously.

Still, I continued to be Benny's nanny—and best friend, according to Auntie Penelope, much to her dismay. I still loved that kid more than anything in the world, and I still, unfortunately, wanted his father to kiss me again.

I was willing to let it all go, though, to admit that it was a silly stupid crush that could never come to anything and just deal with it like an adult, and then I had to overhear the motherfucker when he came home one night. I was resting on the couch, about to open my eyes when I heard the door open, but then I heard a voice that wasn't Spencer's. It was his friend, Luke.

Spencer cut him off then. "Quiet, please."

There was shuffling, keys being set down, and then a small laugh as they got closer to me. I didn't move a muscle, focusing only on my breathing. "Right. Don't wake the hot nanny, got it."

"She's right there," Spencer hissed, and I tried not to laugh. My insides flared to life as he added, "And I asked you not to bring that up..."

"Oh, come on, Reid. You have the hots for her; big deal. It's normal."

"So? I'm... I'm technically her boss, and she's far too young for me. It's not right, and you know that."

"Whatever. You do what you think is right, man, but I'm telling you; Ignoring it is only going to make you more stressed."

Spencer mumbled something incoherent, and the two shuffled off into the kitchen for God-knows-what. All I could think about was that he wanted me. It was probably killing him just as badly as it was killing me not to give into each other again. My mind was racing, my heart beat violently in my chest, and I knew then that I had to pretend to wake up or else I'd sit there and burst into flames.

I had to leave. I had to do something; What, I didn't know, but this revelation had me reeling and feeling a myriad of things, and I needed to sit with them, preferably alone so I wasn't tempted to just jump him on the spot.

"Did we wake you? I'm sorry." Spencer's kind voice warmed me from the inside out as I shuffled into the kitchen to say goodbye.

I quickly gathered my things and avoided his gaze. "Oh. No, you didn't. If you're back for the night though, I'm gonna go home. I'm exhausted."

"Little guy was that rambunctious, huh?" Luke joked.

I smiled and gave him a wink. "Oh, no. He was an absolute angel, as always. His daddy raised him well. Goodnight. See you tomorrow, Doctor Reid?"

He cleared his throat, rasping out, "Yes, tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Night."

I tried not to run mischievously out the door, willing my legs to be normal. But the second there was a tangible barrier between us, I bolted to my car, high on adrenaline and unable to wipe the smile from my face; I was wide awake.

Eventually, though, I realized it would be absolutely stupid to do anything about it. Did it boost my ego and my mood? Absolutely. It also softened the blow of his avoidance and his initial rejection that night; All of his behavior made much more sense. Sure, I was a little disappointed that he wouldn't entertain our mutual desire, but as long as it was there... It couldn't be that bad, right?

Wrong.

I'd gotten a text from him earlier in the day, asking if I could come over last minute to watch Benny. I wasn't going to say no, obviously, but when I got there to see him dressed up, I shot up an eyebrow.

"A little fancy for work, yeah?" I told him, hanging my keys up and listening for Benny.

"Oh, I'm... not going to work, actually. I, uh... I have a date."

I froze. I panicked. I didn't know what to do, what to think, or how to react. Naturally my thoughts immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario—visions of Spencer sleeping with another woman, someone older and not a nanny. Someone who was distinguished and well-read and smart, someone like himself. Someone who was more inherently right for him. It... made me sad.

Admittedly, I felt stupid even thinking that way. It wasn't my right to dictate his dating life, no matter how badly I wanted him; I knew what he tasted like, knew how it felt to come undone in his embrace, and yet I wasn't entitled to him solely based on that.

Still. It doesn't mean I had to like it.

"Oh... Um... Good for you," I told him, nodding and turning away in case he tried to profile me. "Have fun."

He said goodbye to Benny a few minutes later, and then gave me a polite, transactional wave on his way out the door. It shut, and it felt like my chest was collapsing.

But I was only able to wallow for a few seconds. Benny tugged on my sleeve and looked up at me quizzically.

"Auntie Y/N, are you sad?"

His sweet face lifted my spirits like it always did, and I didn't have the energy to think about the other emotions that were swimming around in my chest anyway. So I smiled at him and picked him up, shaking my head. "Not anymore, kiddo; I get to hang out with my favorite person!"

We spent all night munching on Cheeto Puffs and building Lego sets, and it was unsurprising to me that by the time I'd finished one, Benny had finished three. Still, our sets combined to make a larger one, and then we were able to give the people names and backstories and adventures.

Either time passed very quickly, or Spencer didn't last very long on his date, because the front door opened and I was surprised he was home before I could put Benny to bed.

"Daddy!" he exclaimed, running and dropping his half-eaten Cheeto Puff in my lap. I laughed and tossed it in the trash can on my way to the door, greeting Spencer, who was hugging his son tightly and making him giggle profusely.

"You're home early," I observed as he set him down.

"Had to make it home before curfew, of course." A joke. He was deflecting. I kind of hated that I felt relief at the insinuation.

"Of course," I agreed.

"So, what did you guys do while I was gone?"

Benny jumped and grabbed his father's hand. "Auntie Y/N and I made a whole Lego village! It has a library!"

"It does?" Spencer asked bending down to his level and positively beaming. The sight made my chest tighten.

"It really does! Do you want to come see?"

"Oh, absolutely. I just have to talk to Auntie Y/N first, and I'll be right in, is that okay?" He nodded and Spencer ruffled his hair. "Okay. Say goodnight."

Benny turned and ran to me then, and I squatted down to hug him. "Goodnight, Auntie Y/N. Thank you for building with me."

"Oh, you're welcome, kiddo. You're an excellent building partner; The best in the business."

He laughed and scampered off to his bedroom, and as I stood up, I felt Spencer's eyes on me. I couldn't decipher what the feeling was on his end, but regardless, it burned a hole through me and made my heart pound in my ears.

"How'd it go?" I asked casually, dusting Cheeto off my jeans. Did you do it just to forget about how much you want me? Did it work?

He shrugged and leaned against the counter with a lazy smile. He almost looked exhausted. "I'd have much rather liked to be at home with my boy and his best friend to tell you the truth."

My heart was racing, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was getting at. Was he fucking with me? Or was he simply telling the honest, innocent truth, while I was letting my lust take the drivers' seat and go searching for some insane imaginary intention to help along my hot-single-father/nanny fantasy?

Suddenly, I was the one who felt exhausted, and Spencer could tell. He shifted and continued talking. "Thank you again for staying with him on such short notice."

"Oh, anytime. It's what I'm here for. In fact, feel free to go on all the bad dates you want."

I don't know why it came out of my mouth, but I was glad that Spencer laughed. Still, I scrambled to get my keys and walked past him to leave, kind of embarrassed by the verbalized impulsive thought regardless.

His hand grabbed my arm gently before I could leave, and my heart caught in my throat. I dared to look up at him and immediately felt that familiar heat return to my core, suddenly very fragile under the weight of his gaze.

He studied me for a moment before he let go of my arm and cleared his throat. "Goodnight."

I couldn't help the feeling that he wanted to tell me something else. He did say he wanted to talk to me before putting Benny to bed, after all... So, what? That was it?

It was stupid, and I should have just told him, "Goodnight," back, but those damned impulsive thoughts kept dancing on my tongue with reckless abandon, and I couldn't stop them from escaping. So, without another thought, I tilted my head and asked him instead, "Was she my age?"

Spencer stared at me, something darkening in his eyes when he responded, "No."

I threw back one of his considering hums, glancing down at his lips before looking him directly in the eye and giving him a firm, "Oh." There were plenty more things I could have told him, none of them appropriate. But I figured I'd already had enough pushing my luck for the night, and reached for the doorknob instead of dragging it out. The night would end like it always did, with a formal, professional farewell.

I was about to finally tell him, "Goodnight," but his hand came down very gently over mine and rendered me silent. Our eyes met once more, and a shiver ran down my spine.

"Even if she had been, she wouldn't have been you."

And then he opened the door for me, and I walked out without another word, my head spinning and my heart threatening to give out on me. He hadn't even kissed me, but he might as well have; I was just as breathless.

ACT III: He Is Nice, But He Looks So Mean.

I was actually littered with nerves walking in the door the next time I came over to watch Benny.

I hadn't heard anything from Spencer for a week, until he called and asked me to come over for the night to watch him while he went to work. I was going to do it with no questions asked, obviously, but because that insane confession was echoing in my mind on a continuous loop since it happened, I couldn't even bring myself to think about seeing him again and knowing... I had no idea what reaction my body was going to have to being in his presence again.

It scared me, but also deeply excited me.

Once my body had enough courage to step through the doorway, my heart rate sped up exponentially, and then upon seeing what was in front of me, it stuttered with a terrifying halt.

Warmth flooded my veins and brought a smile to my face when the four-year-old boy I nannied for and loved more than anything threw his hands in the air and yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Happy Birthday!"

He ran up to me and nearly toppled me to the ground, and on instinct, my arms reached out to pick him up as he hugged my neck and listed off the things he did to celebrate.

"Daddy said your birthday was yesterday, but we wanted to give you a party just like you did for my birthday! So we went to the store and got you ingredients for your cake, and we made it just for you!"

"You did?" I exclaimed, setting him down and letting him lead me to the kitchen where the cake was sitting out on the table, clearly homemade by two boys who didn't know the first thing about baking or decorating anything. Spencer was standing across the kitchen table with a proud, albeit I-know-it's-not-much-to-look-at smile, but I barely had time to thank him before Benny told me about the process, step-by-step.

As he went on, I nodded and admired the cake, complimenting the purple and green swirls of frosting (his favorite color and mine, he explained), and the trail of assorted candies in the shape of a stegosaurus in the middle (my favorite dinosaur).

"Do you love it, Auntie Y/N?"

I hugged him again with tears in my eyes. I tried not to actually cry, but the tugging at the back of my throat and the blurring of my eyes was extremely difficult to push away. I realized then, as Spencer watched me with his son and looked like he might have been ready to cry himself, that it wasn't worth trying to hide. I was extremely moved and even happier in that moment than I think I'd ever been. I loved that man and his child more than anything I'd ever known.

So, I blinked hard and let the tears silently descend down my cheeks, kissing the side of Benny's head as I told him, "I love it so much. And I love you so much. Thank you."

I looked up at Spencer and said it again. "Thank you."

He nodded, reaching for the star-shaped candle next to the cake. "You're very welcome. Benny, do you want to help Auntie Y/N light the birthday candle?"

The boy squirmed in my arms and I let him down with a laugh as he excitedly reminded us, "That's my favorite part of birthdays!"

"I apologize if you find an eggshell," Spencer warned a few minutes later, slicing the cake after the song had been sung and the candle had been blown out. He slid my plate over and handed me a fork. "Benny and I did our best to fish them all out, but it's... surprisingly harder than it looks."

As Benny nodded in agreement, I looked down at him and took a forkful of cake. "Oh, I don't have anything to worry about. I'm sure you two are excellent eggshell fishermen."

The four-year-old giggled, but his father sighed as if to say, Don't say I didn't warn you...

To no one's surprise but Spencer's, the cake was delicious. I may have played it up for dramatic effect, putting on a whole show as I chewed and considered every bite, playing as if I was unsure and really critiquing the dessert. I set my fork down and looked at Spencer with squinted eyes, then slowly to his son. The suspense was obviously killing him, his small limbs bouncing with anticipation and a smile that suggested he was going to urge the verdict out of me if I didn't announce it very soon.

I decided to spare him the wait.

"Benjamin Reid... That might just be the best cake I've ever had."

"Really? No eggshells?"

I laughed, reaching to give him a high-five as he beamed up at me with sparkling eyes and a wide-open smile. "Not a single one. You should be very proud of yourself. You and your dad, both."

Benny hugged me again, and I glanced over to Spencer, who was slicing another piece of cake and staring at me with that intense look in his eyes, a satisfied half-smile adorning his face. A rush of heat came surging through my bloodstream like a tidal wave, and I had to look away from him or I was afraid I'd collapse on the spot.

Benny didn't know it, but he was saving my life in that very moment, as the three of us ate cake together. I refused to look at his father. I needed literally anything else to keep me from even glancing his way, and my four-year-old best friend's rambling habits were the perfect focus.

He told me more about his process for decorating the cake, and while I was genuinely a little surprised at how much thought there really could have been with the task, with an ever-moving mind like Benny's, it was actually quite clear by the end of it. It charmed me to no end and filled me with pride to know that I'd had enough of an impact on him to trigger this level of detail and consideration. Again, it's not like I'd never had people who cared about me before, but when it came to the Reids, my heart sang a tune I'd never heard, and it was the most beautiful, brightly vivid sound I'd ever had the pleasure to hear—to feel.

I was thinking too much about it, letting the song swallow me whole as tears stung in the back of my eyes and threatened to fall again, when Spencer's phone buzzed on the table. The sound grounded and intrigued me, even more so when he glanced up at me for a moment, right before directing his words to his son.

"Benny, Uncle Will is outside. Is your bag ready?"

He jumped from his seat and nodded. "In my room."

"Okay. Before you grab it, say goodnight to Auntie Y/N."

I felt the toddler's arms hugging my legs, and turned all my attention to him, refusing once again to look at the man whose eyes I could feel burning me alive with something deeply ravenous, begging to be unfettered. I had a feeling, creeping over my senses like a thick blanket of ivy, that I wasn't making it up and letting my desire for him take the wheel, either; Just as the loving, family-friendly song in my heart had been—bright and vivid—this feeling was just as much the same in its intensity, only echoed with a sound that felt very much like those dark, low hums Spencer always emitted alone in my presence. I felt it all around me and hoped to God that I wasn't about to leave this place feeling like a hopeful, stupid idiot.

"Goodnight, Auntie Y/N. Did you like your birthday?"

"I did, Benny," I answered in earnest, ruffling his hair. "You're very thoughtful and kind. Thank you so much."

"I love you, Auntie Y/N."

I squeezed him tight and made sure he understood every word as truth when I told him, "I love you, too."

ACT IV: When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be Your Girl.

The apartment was quiet when Spencer took Benny outside to meet with Will. I did my best to keep myself busy, cleaning up forks and plates, and wiping down the counter tops while simultaneously ignoring the hammering of my heart against my chest. The organ wouldn't calm down, even as I hummed to myself. It's like those nerves that I had walking through the front door that night never actually went away— only subsided for a little while in favor of wholesome celebration.

Part of me wanted to flee, but I knew it wasn't an option. Not really. I had to at least talk to Spencer and thank him for the effort. Perhaps I was good enough of an actress that I could pretend to have been ignorant of his glances all night, or at least that they didn't affect me like he maybe wanted them to.

Catching myself in the act of overthinking again, I grunted and slammed a glass of water, willing the fresh liquid to wash away any insanity. There was no use going through all the possible scenarios in my head, not when there wasn't much time before Spencer returned. No matter what happened, I wasn't going to be prepared for it.

I certainly wasn't prepared for the way my heart practically leapt out of my chest when he returned, softly opening and closing the door. It took everything I had not to turn around and allow him to see how nervous I was. I kept my back turned, hoping and praying I wasn't visibly shaking as heavily as I felt. I was warm all over.

His presence behind me was dense and ever-present― almost suffocating. I took my time drying off the plates and forks I'd washed while he was away, hearing him rustle around without a word or acknowledgement of me, and then he finally spoke. I almost dropped a fork.

"Why are you doing my dishes, Birthday Girl?"

"My birthday was yesterday..."

He laughed and came up behind me, a gentle hand on my lower back as the other reached around and took the silverware from my grip. I relented, feeling myself numb at his touch and trying to steady my breathing.

"Yes, but we're celebrating today. In my household at least, that means you're not allowed to do any work."

I turned around to face him as he set the fork down on the counter, his other hand still hovering over my back. It returned to his side, disappearing into the pocket of his pants as I crossed my arms and looked up at him. Thankfully, despite the constant whirring of nerves and desire coursing through my entire being, I was able to hold a conversation without hesitation.

"You're not my dad."

Another amused grin. "No, I'm not. But I am your boss. And as your boss, I'm asking you to take the night off and enjoy yourself."

The way he was staring down at me seemingly punctuated his words with a gentle seduction that made me ache with need. I was getting stronger and bolder by the second, leaning forward just enough to be toe-to-toe with him.

"Okay, then, Boss... Tell me, are there any restrictions to enjoying myself in your household? Because..."

The second I heard that familiar hum rumble from his chest, I knew I was in danger― glorious, beautiful danger. His eyes glanced down at my mouth for a second before returning to my own, his body leaning into mine and his free hand reaching out to trap me against the counter.

I tilted my head and brought my fingers up to toy with the tie hanging from his neck. "I am all grown up now, after all..."

"And I suppose you know exactly what you want..."

"Mm-hmm," I drawled, pulling him in closer by the tie. Our lips were barely touching by that point, and I felt my head start to pulse with anticipation as he urged me to go on.

"Well?"

"I want to be yours."

He hummed again, pushing his body to mine and bringing the pocketed hand up to hold the side of my head. "Mmm, Darling, you always have been."

And then he kissed me.

He tasted like sugar, but his intentions were anything but sweet. His mouth devoured mine with a fire that threatened to turn me to ash. Every sense I had was alight, engulfing me in a heat so intense that it was all I was sure to know for the rest of my life. It's all I wanted and all I needed.

I met his intensity with eager hands, exploring the planes of his body as his tongue did wicked things to my own. This time I didn't even need the champagne; I was dizzy on Spencer alone. The fizz boiled me from the inside out and urged my limbs to cling to him like it was my life's purpose. Hell, for all I knew, it was my life's purpose― to burn for him and let him consume me. To revel in his dancing flame and allow it to become my life force. I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything.

And I was sure to let him know that, too, refusing to hold back the string of whines and moans that escaped me every now and again. The hand that had been resting on the counter behind me came down to grip and hike up my thigh, our hips colliding just as beautifully this time as they had the last. The memory caused another wanton sound to tumble from my mouth, and Spencer caught it greedily, pulling back for air long enough to squeeze my thigh and sing me a praise of his own.

"God, I love the sounds you make..."

His lips were on mine again before I could respond, but I didn't even need to. Not verbally, anyway; I guided his hand down the side of my face and over my chest, pushing my body into him and feeling his fingers tighten. His kisses grew hungrier, and suddenly I was starving.

I was finally able to break away from his mouth in favor of tasting the skin and stubble along his jaw. Then, I buried my face in his neck and reached for his belt, praying he wouldn't jump away like last time.

Thankfully, he didn't. His grip on both my breast and my thigh tightened again, but he didn't pull away from me. His breath didn't even hitch.

I took that as a good sign and slowly undid his belt. The sound alone was enough to send a jolt of excitement between my thighs, though the visions dancing behind my eyelids of what I planned to do in just a few moments helped my pleasure immensely. I dragged my tongue softly along Spencer's neck before freeing the belt and sinking to the ground alongside it. His hands fell away from my body and chose to root in my hair instead. The gentle tugging at my scalp admittedly made me stumble, but not out of discomfort; I was actually quite surprised at how much I liked the feeling.

Spencer noticed, humming again with amusement as I went back to tugging down his pants. Still, he said nothing, instead watching me intently as I continued my journey.

I didn't hide the desire I felt as I palmed the length of him through his underwear. In fact, I couldn't decide if I wanted to keep my sight leveled or to angle it up at him, because it was a damn good sight either way; The sensual nature of my fingers gently caressing him, knowing what was resting beyond that thin layer of fabric and imagining how it probably felt to him, or the thick and domineering air between his face and mine, his gaze committing every movement I made to wicked memory...

With a sigh, I opted to lean forward, ignoring the sharp bruising on my knees and putting all my focus into the task at large.

Spencer seemed to tell I was thinking too much, gently massaging my scalp and cooing, "Have you ever done this before?"

Yes, but... "Not with anyone I've actually wanted this badly..."

"Mmm, that does make a difference..." he observed. "Whatever it is that you need to be comfortable, Y/N― tell me. Okay? Promise me you won't hurt yourself in any way just to please me."

A surge of heat exploded through me at the intensity of it all. He was sincere, and by the sound of things, sympathetic to my overthinking. It was another show of just how much I wanted him to guide me, to hold me in his comforting, knowing embrace and show me exactly how life should be lived. Every life experience there was to know, I wanted to know it with him.

"I promise," I told him firmly, not breaking eye contact as I tugged at the cotton between us.

His eyes struggled to stay open when I finally gripped his cock, feeling the weight of it in my hand and bringing it to my mouth. I glanced down then, taking in every ridge as it disappeared slowly down the length of my tongue. I reveled in the taste, in the fullness I felt the deeper it went, and once it hit the back of my throat and caused me to choke and pull back, I angled my eyes back up at his face to find the most heavenly sight I'd ever seen.

Spencer watched me all the time. I was no stranger to his intense gazes. But when I looked up at him that time, his mouth open and eyes so deeply darkened with need that they could have drowned me, I truly thought I might have died and entered the afterlife. Perhaps that was dramatic, but there was no other possible way for me to describe the feeling that coursed through me in that moment. Suddenly I was chasing it, longing to be in that state of euphoria forever, and my mouth eagerly went to work in pursuit of it.

I took my time, exploring the ways he could fit in my mouth and the ways my tongue could cover the length of him. I went in search of any pleasure point I could find, occasionally looking up to gauge his reaction and finding nothing but those beautiful, salacious pools of liquid gold.

Eventually, I was brave enough to take him to the back of the throat again, holding him there and seeing how long it would take before I felt the air leave my lungs. I repeated the process a few times, stroking him with my hand in between gasps of air and shivering at the way he tugged my hair. My vision was starting to blur, but I persisted, aching to know what he tasted like as he came undone.

Unfortunately, it wasn't in the cards for me to find out that night.

I whined as he held my head away from him, praying he wasn't backing out.

"Stand up, please," he asked softly. It sounded like he'd been breathless, and maybe he had. The thought that I had that effect on him calmed my nerves and made me dizzy as I stood, and his hands cradled my head once again.

"You are so good," he whispered, kissing me deeply. I melted into him, only for him to pull back and continue his praises. "So beautiful..." Another toe-curling kiss, and then, "So perfect."

My eyes fluttered shut as his mouth moved over my jaw and to my pulse-point. "My good, sweet girl," he murmured, and the words caused me to clench around nothing.

"Please."

The word fell out of me with a whimper and at its urgency, Spencer's mouth attacked my neck with a gentle, hungry bite that sent a shiver down my spine.

"Follow me."

And I did. I always would.

As much as I would have loved the opportunity to look around his bedroom and make banter about what I discovered on any normal day, my brain was so overwhelmed and numb with desire that the thought hadn't even crossed my mind.

Not that I would have had the time to think about it anyway; He was on me the moment my legs touched the edge of the bed, devouring my mouth once more and pulling me into his atmosphere with fervor. Willing myself to get even closer to him, I brought my fingers up to thread through his hair and was rewarded with another gentle tug of my own.

Suddenly I was extremely hot, squirmy and anxious to break free from the confines of clothing, and Spencer could tell.

He broke apart with a laugh, bringing a hand down to trace the collar of my shirt. "Have you no patience?"

"You're the one sucking my face like it's the end of the fucking world," I breathed when he shifted the collar and exposed more of my skin to the air, earning me another low grumble of a laugh.

"You're not complaining are you?"

"God, no."

"Mmm, good," he hummed into my cheek, reaching down and tugging my shirt over my head. The fabric caught on his nose for a second, bringing a laugh to the surface of my tongue before he swallowed it with another kiss and tossed the shirt to the ground.

Warm, nimble fingers spanned my bare stomach and thoroughly explored the surface area of me, up and up until they slipped under the backside of my bra.

"Is this okay?"

I pushed myself into him and nipped at his bottom lip. "Yes, Doctor."

Goosebumps littered my arms as he deftly unhooked the bra and slid it off my body, and I barely had time to take a breath before he was kissing me again, pawing at my chest and slipping me his eager tongue. My senses were on overload, that hot pang of need pulsating between my legs as I then fell backwards, letting him lay me down and settle himself between them. His kisses traveled lower, tongue darting out to flick over my peaked nipple, and I involuntarily arched up into him.

No one had ever paid this much careful attention to my body before—It was always a quick pleasantry to get out of the way before the main course. But the way Spencer held and touched and tasted me felt like a crash course in intimacy. He was still hungry for me, obviously, but he made it feel like it wasn't just about the destination. He savored each and every second of the moment in all its pent-up, beautiful glory.

Which is why, when he finally slipped a hand down the front of my pants, he seemed delighted to find that I was practically soaked through my panties already.

His middle finger pressed firmly at my clothed heat, and I sighed into his mouth.

"Look at what I've done to you... Poor thing. You're just aching to be filled, aren't you?"

My head had no choice but to arch backwards as I moaned into the open air at his words, my legs clamping around his hand. "God, Spencer, please..."

"So I'm not wrong, then?" he mused, teasing me some more and just barely pushing the fabric aside. I squirmed and lifted my hips, trying to guide him in the right place, but he pulled away from me then, leaving me cold.

Only a second later did the heat return; Spencer stood at the foot of the bed and gently helped me scoot to the edge. He removed the rest of my clothes and stared down at my bare figure as he unbuttoned his shirt, debauchery settling in his eyes as they raked over me. With careful consideration, once his shirt was on the floor with the rest of my clothes, he came down and caressed my inner thigh, slowly spreading my legs apart.

"You're so wet and needy, I'm willing to bet you don't even need me to prep you..."

All it took was one lithe finger to prove his theory correct. It slid into me with ease, and I whined out at the contact. One finger swiftly became two, and after a few slow pumps with no resistance, he seemed satisfied. "Mmm, that's what I thought... You've been ready for me for a long time, haven't you?"

"Uh-huh," was all I could manage under the circumstances. Every word and every touch was rendering me incapable of anything more complex.

He removed his fingers from me then, and leaned down to nudge my nose with his own. "How are you feeling?" he asked me in a whisper, fluttering a gentle kiss over my lips as his cock barely teased my entrance. It was such a simple question, but it only deepened the desire I felt for him— It was gentle and attentive and intimate...

"Never better," I responded earnestly.

"Yeah?" he cooed. He pushed into me slowly then, and I gasped at the pressure. "Are you ready to take it?"

"Uh-huh," I stuttered once more, crying out silently when he finally bottomed out and ground his hips in a slow circle against my own.

"Tell me what you want, little girl," he begged sweetly against my lips. "Please, I need to hear you say it."

I gripped his shoulders and pulled back a little to hold his gaze, almost gasping out again at the way his hips pinned me down. It was difficult to form the perfect sentence, but I figured I didn't really need to say much at all― only the whimper-y, pathetic truth, which was, "I want you so bad..."

"As you wish."

The words barely left his lips before he began to move, hooking my legs around his forearms and spreading me apart further. He fucked me deeply, and with a steady pace that knocked the wind from my lungs and already had me seeing stars. That had never happened before.

Spencer could tell, a grin forming on his face as he freed one of his hands and softly traced my jaw. "Better than you thought?"

Absolutely. But there was something about that cocky grin on his face and the lilt in his voice that made me want to be difficult. I struggled to talk through heavy breathing, but I managed to choke out, "Don't... flatter yourself."

I don't quite know what I expected, but it was a bit of a shock to me when he hooked his thumb into my mouth and pressed down gently on my tongue, quickening his pace inside me and making me gasp out again.

"Aw... Are you not enjoying yourself?" he pouted without a single hint of sincerity; He knew I was.

I cried out and involuntarily closed my mouth around his thumb, my insides burning alive at all the sensations coursing through me. My cunt clenched around him, and he cried out himself, laughing softly as he did so. "That's what I thought..."

I wanted to watch him the way he watched me, to study his features and his movements and take it all in with reverence, but he was too fucking good at this. He was so skilled in the art of rendering me senseless, all I could do was lay there and take it. He gave himself to me in the most intimate, soul-crushing way, and I wanted to bask in it forever.

His other hand snaked along the inside of my thigh and held me open for him as he looked down, watching himself fuck me. I barely caught glimpses of his wandering gaze, wondering how he could be so focused when it was taking everything I had to stay cognizant. I blamed it on my lack of experience with good sex, and silently vowed to myself that one day I would return the favor.

Until then, I would lay at Spencer's mercy and take pleasure in the simple fact that he was willing to give me this― to give me a piece of himself that would no doubt ruin any other partner. He was setting the standard and exceeding it simultaneously. He was kind and caring and considerate. He was thorough and thoughtful.

And he was making me come. Hard.

The orgasm hit me out of nowhere, my body stuttering in quick, pulsing flashes of pleasure that got stronger and stronger each second. Spencer fucked me through it with ease, never missing a beat. His thumb slid out from my mouth and down my chin, allowing me to cry out for him all I wanted, which, seemingly was his goal.

"That's my good girl," he breathed, his voice tight. Perhaps he wasn't as put together as I thought. "Let it all out for me... Please..."

Please... God, that word sounded so good falling from his lips. It echoed in my mind as I gave him what he wanted, though not from choice. It was like his movements and his words were designed specifically to draw the sounds from my body. I would have given them to him anyway, but I didn't have to try, and that was the magic of it all. He knew exactly what would keep me mewling through the most intense pleasure of my life, and I was more than happy to allow him the pleasantry.

His orgasm came at the tail-end of mine, and though I was steadily growing tired at the exertion, I found the strength to clench around him again, recalling how he'd reacted before. I reached for his hand and allowed him to lace our fingers together as he came with a loud shuddering sigh.

Finally, I was able to focus, another chill running its course through my nervous system as Spencer pulsated inside me. His movements faltered as he spilled over, filling me so deep that I had no choice but to gasp again. My name sounded heavenly on his tongue as it danced in the air behind curses and sighs, and suddenly I understood why he enjoyed hearing my sounds so much. The warmth that bloomed in my chest as I watched and felt and heard him come undone above me delivered me to the most prideful of feelings.

I watched as his face relaxed, felt as his body eased and fell away from mine, and before I had time to even think of what to say, he was moving, kneeling at the end of the bed and spreading my legs again.

Oh, my God...

I couldn't even tell if I said the expression out loud, but I certainly felt its gravity in my bones, low and reverberating as Spencer inspected his work.

His fingers barely caught what had leaked out, and then his tongue followed suit, licking a gentle hot stripe up the seam of me. My fingers clutched at the comforter underneath me, searching for any sign of stability as my senses started to lose control once more.

"Darling," he praised, kissing the inside of my thigh, "you took me so well..."

I was halfway through telling him, "Thank you," when he started licking at my clit, making me stutter. He took his time, tasting me thoroughly while filling me with his fingers. Between drowning in the residual pleasure of my previous orgasm and also in the sounds he was making below me, it wasn't long before another one approached. It was sharp and quick, making my back arch up off the mattress as Spencer sucked my clit into oblivion.

Rather than incoherent cries of pleasure, the only thing that dared to leave my mouth at the sensation was a very loud, very appropriate, "Fuck!" to the evening air.

The curse tumbled out over and over again as the orgasm rocked through me, and he pulled himself away from me at the end of it with a shit-eating grin. "Such a dirty mouth..."

It took me a few seconds to catch my breath, shivering as he climbed back up on the bed and laid beside me. "You're one to talk, Doctor."

"I guess I'm a poor influence. Sorry."

It was mostly a joke, but I could tell that he believed there was some truth to his words. I did my best to reassure him, not only because he was my boss and I needed to reinstate the idea that we both made the decision to sleep together, not just him, but also because I secretly hoped he wouldn't regret the decision at all— regret me. Selfishly, I wanted to know if he'd consider keeping me around as more than just a nanny. I wanted to know if there was even a slight chance that this wouldn't end in total emotional disaster.

"You have nothing to be sorry for... Nothing..."

Spencer studied me for a moment, something settling in his eyes that I couldn't quite place, but it felt... warm. It was a different warmth than the searing heat that his gazes had radiated before. Perhaps it was wishful, foolish thinking, but I almost imagined it feeling akin to the realization that you were falling in love— the type of warmth that terrified yet excited you all the same, that triggered your nerves and also gave you hope.

It reminded me of that dangerous, beautiful hope that lingered in his smile every time he'd come home from a long day at work to see me and Benny safe and sound in the comfort of his home.

His hand gently brushed mine, I laced our fingers together, and that's when he finally responded.

"Neither do you, you know... I meant what I said. Every word." His fingers tightened in mine, and I felt myself become breathless again. "You're perfect. And I'm lucky to have you."

"You're just saying that because it's my birthday," I joked, trying to keep myself from crying in front of him. I didn't know why that was so important to me, especially considering just a few hours ago I'd decided not to hide the truth from him, no matter how emotional and teary of a truth it was.

Spencer pressed his forehead to mine, sighing my name through a smile. "You are... the best thing that has happened to me since Benny. I was afraid to admit it at the start, but... You're so good to him, and so good to me... I genuinely don't ever want to know what life would be like without you."

I couldn't help it then. My vision was suddenly obscured by tears, and I was blinking them away, letting him capture my lips in a tender kiss that rivaled any other.

I prayed in that very moment that there would be more like them in the future.

CODA: All My Rings Will Be Made of Gold.

Turns out, there had been plenty more, and then some.

It's hard to choose a favorite, though obviously I'm quite biased when it comes to my boys. So, I suppose it's easy for me to recall the night I got engaged as my favorite.

I wasn't nannying for Benny anymore; He was in school during the day (Kindergarten! I cried dropping him off on his first day, and Spencer had to console me with kisses and ice cream), and by that point I'd been moved into the apartment for almost a year.

I was out grocery shopping, and when I came home, there were flowers all over the floor, bright colors scattered in an obvious trail that led to the bedrooms. I didn't quite understand what was happening, but my heart still hammered in my chest, unable to shake that feeling of warmth and hope.

"Boys? What are you up to?" I called, dropping the bags off in the kitchen and following the flowers.

They were both kneeling on the floor of Benny's bedroom, Spencer with an open ring box in his hand, and Benny with a piece of paper in his.

"Will you be my mom?"

Really, how could I have said no? There isn't a world in which I ever would have, but even still. Benny was unable to sit still, waiting for me to answer him, and I remembered the night they presented me with that first birthday cake of many for years to come. He was the same way then, happier than ever to surprise me, and meanwhile all I wanted to do was burst into tears over how much love I was feeling.

Unlike that night, however, I was simply unable to tease him with the anticipation of an answer. I couldn't even pretend to consider it, not for a moment. It was the easiest answer I'd ever given. To this day, it still is.

Benny ran up and hugged me the tightest he ever had before, and Spencer got up from the ground to meet us, slipping a thin gold band on my finger as I repeated the word to him through the tenderest of kisses.

"Yes."

THE END.

[pink-princess-pussy-pop]

RED - Better Man

Rafe Cameron x Reader Taylor Swift AU

I know I'm probably better off on my own than lovin' a man who didn't know what he had when he had it.

You knew replying “yes” to Rafe’s text was a bad idea, but you gave into your feelings. You knew you’d do anything for Rafe if he’d only ask, but you just couldn’t help it. But you also knew deep down that he wouldn’t do that for you.

He had told you to meet him at the boys locker room for him, so that’s where you found yourself after the last bell rang.

You could hear the guys talking from down the hallway, but if only you couldn’t hear what they were saying. Topper, Kelce, and Rafe’s voices were distinct.

“She follows you around like a puppy, Rafe. It’s pathetic.”

“I know she is.” You stopped at the door when you heard Rafe. “But Y/N was my first friend. I don’t want to just drop her with no reasoning."

Your heart sank. Lower than it had ever been.

"She's been hopelessly in love with me since middle school. I think she just needs to wake up. I'd never, ever, date Y/N. She should know that by now."

"Shit, Rafe." Kelce.

"What? It's true. I just didn't know she was that stupid."

And I see all the permanent damage you did to me, never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic.

You let out a sob, clamping your hand over your mouth before bolting back down the hallway. You didn't care if Rafe had heard you. You just needed to get away.

Once you got outside, the tears really started. Crying shard to the point where you could barely breathe. You could barely feel your phone buzzing as you stumbled around the parking lot, attempting to call an Uber since your mom had driven you this morning.

The drive home was a blur, all you had noticed was the non-stop buzzing of your phone in the seat beside you. You knew it had to be Rafe calling, but how could you face him now?

All these years, you thought Rafe truly cared about you, your well-being. You thought he wanted to be your friend. You thanked the driver as you got out, aggressively wiping your tears from your cheeks.

"What an asshole!" You threw your backpack onto your floor and chucked your phone across the room. All you could do was sob into your comforter.

All of those times you and Rafe had spent together. All of your memories with him. Everything you'd done together had always felt magical to you. But no, you know, they were all a lie.

The buzzing of your phone continued as you cried yourself to sleep.

I wish it wasn't 4 a.m., standing in the mirror saying to myself, "You know you had to do it." I know the bravest thing I ever did was run.

Your phone was now in your hands, an unsent text to Rafe waiting to be sent. Was 4 am really the time you'd want to send this text? You glance at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes puffy and red, tear tains on your cheeks, swollen lips. You send the text before thinking twice.

Delivered.

Instantly, you felt your shoulders relax. You were finished with Rafe Cameron.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again, but I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man. But I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand, but I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man. A better man.

You laid back down in your bed, staring at your ceiling. If you didn't know any better, Rafe could be sleeping over, right next to you. Of course, you knew that would never happen again. Saying goodbye to Rafe Cameron was something you had to do. You couldn't keep waiting for him to be a better person. A better man.

I know I'm probably better off on my own than needing a man who could change his mind at any given minute. And it was always on your terms. I waited on every careless word hoping it might turn sweet again... Like it was in the beginning.

You rolled your eyes at your own naivety, every time he'd make plans with you and then cancel to go be with Sofia or whatever girl he was with at the time. You couldn't believe how you had just kept waiting for him to realize how you were in love with him. But now, you knew, that he had known the whole time.

But your jealousy, oh, I can hear it now, talking down to me like I'll always be around. Push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun. Oh, you never thought I'd run.

Rafe thought you were stupid? He was the stupid one if he thought you were going to wait for him forever. You knew Rafe thought you didn't have the courage to stand up to him, let alone leave him.

I hold onto this pride because these days it's all I have, and I gave to you my best and we both know you can't say that.

You had always been there for Rafe. Cancelling plans with your other friends when Rafe had called you about a fight with his father. Or Sofia. And what had he been doing in return? He had been talking shit behind your back.

I wish you were a better man. I wonder what we would've become if you were a better man. We might still be in love if you were a better man.

Although you couldn't help but imagine what life would be like if Rafe reciprocated your feelings. You both knew everything about each other, had grown up together. In your head, it made sense. But you knew it was for the better that you had ended your friendship.

You would've been the one if you were a better man.

You looked at your phone again, the delivered sign now marked as read.

————-

Hello, so sorry about the wait. Work has drained me and I had a bit of writers block.

[cryptidfuckery]

Hey so you don’t have to reply to this but I’ve been having a career crisis lately and considering other vocational paths. One of these careers just so happens to be hair. I was wondering if you could tell me what made you want to become a hairdresser?

Ohhh this might get long but

First things first my mom is a hairdresser. Me becoming one wasn't a case of "I'm going to take over my mom's business" because she's been a sole proprietor booth renter for probably over 30 years now. She doesn't run a salon with other people under her, it's just her and her clients. If I worked under her I would have just been taking money our of her pocket.

But my mom being a hairdresser definitely influenced me! Getting to watch her work and own her own business my whole life helped me understand exactly what to expect out of the industry, and what I would have to do to be successful.

But me actually deciding to become a hairdresser started with me being absolutely miserable in my third semester of college. I loved studying sociology, but school and I don't mix well. I also realized that while I loved what I was studying, I didn't have any real interest in the professions usually associated with what I was majoring in. (Didn't want to do any kind of counseling, hate math so no stats work, research was the most enticing but too close to how school works and I Know would have been Miserable ultimately)

So one day being absolutely miserable and stressed around finals I sat myself down and forced myself to think about what the next 5-10 years would look like. I realized that if I stayed in college it would be to finish, find a job in my degree, then eventually when I have the time and money again I'd go to cosmetology school. (At the time I thought I was going to be a makeup artist. Holy shit fuck that noise. Not for me.)

And it just kind of clicked for me. Why am I spending all this money on a degree i (while I loved) did not really want? Especially when I could finish cosmetology school in under a year with less money than 2 semesters of college would be? Especially since you can start making money directly out of cosmetology school and continuously build after that as you gain more clients.

My final advice is this. There is a hairdresser for everyone and there are clients for every hairdresser. Genuinely the best thing you can do is be yourself and the right people will find you. And then they'll give your their friends, who like you too because you're their kind of people. And you get to choose absolutely what the fuck ever you want to specialize in. You can do exclusively color. Exclusively cuts. You can choose what style of cutting and coloring you want to learn from and you can completely switch that in the middle of your career. You can exclusively do texture treatments (perms, keratins, etc) if you're okay with so many chemicals in your body and bad smells! You can specialize in rat haircuts, which I honestly might try to do. (I have not done one yet. Someone let me do a rat haircut on them. Please. Rat haircut.) You can do everything! Also don't forget barbering!! Whole different school with different subsets and specializations, but many many cosmetologists cross over into both as well! I plan on eventually also acquiring a barbering license so I can truly be a one stop trans chop shop (mainly so I can offer my trans girlies clean shaves between electrolysis/Lazer appointments (iirc one can and cannot. I cannot be fucked to check rn)

So. Yeah. I think trades are absolutely the way to go right now in this economy. We provide services that everybody wants or needs, from hair to plumbing to carpentry to welding to auto mechanics to nail techs. There will always be a broken toilet, an oil change, a haircut needed.

Watch out for pandemics though. Woof.

[richincolor]

Happy Black History Month!

This Black History Month I'd like to celebrate the genre that makes us jump at every unknown noise, brings us nightmares, and has us up late turning the page in anticipation of what will happen next - Black Thriller & Horror! There has been a lovely uptick in the publishing of Black Thrillers and Horror in the past few years where Black protagonists are solving complex mysteries, fighting against all forms of supernatural beings, and sometimes a combination of both. I've had so much fun reading all of these novels and am greatly looking forward to what 2024 has to bring. 

When creating a list of Black Thriller/Horror writers I must begin with the queen, Tiffany D. Jackson. Her first book "Monday's Not Coming" was a perfectly written thriller with a plot twist that hit with a gut punch that I'm still recovering from. Since then she's been on a streak with hit after hit after hit. Her latest, The Weight of Blood, is a book you cannot miss.

The Weight of Blood by Tiffany D. Jackson

When Springville residents—at least the ones still alive—are questioned about what happened on prom night, they all have the same explanation … Maddy did it. An outcast at her small-town Georgia high school, Madison Washington has always been a teasing target for bullies. And she's dealt with it because she has more pressing problems to manage. Until the morning a surprise rainstorm reveals her most closely kept Maddy is biracial. She has been passing for white her entire life at the behest of her fanatical white father, Thomas Washington. After a viral bullying video pulls back the curtain on Springville High's racist roots, student leaders come up with a plan to change their host the school's first integrated prom as a show of unity. The popular white class president convinces her Black superstar quarterback boyfriend to ask Maddy to be his date, leaving Maddy wondering if it's possible to have a normal life. But some of her classmates aren't done with her just yet. And what they don't know is that Maddy still has another secret … one that will cost them all their lives. 

2023 also gave us two amazing debut thrillers and I, for one, cannot wait to see what these two authors cook up next. 

Their Vicious Games by Joelle Wellington

You must work twice as hard to get half as much. Adina Walker has known this the entire time she’s been on scholarship at the prestigious Edgewater Academy—a school for the rich (and mostly white) upper class of New England. It’s why she works so hard to be perfect and above reproach, no matter what she must force beneath the surface. Even one slip can cost you everything. And it does. One fight, one moment of lost control, leaves Adina blacklisted from her top choice Ivy League college and any other. Her only chance to regain the future she’s sacrificed everything for is the Finish, a high-stakes contest sponsored by Edgewater’s founding family in which twelve young, ambitious women with exceptional promise are selected to compete in three mysterious events: the Ride, the Raid, and the Royale. The winner will be granted entry into the fold of the Remington family, whose wealth and power can open any door. But when she arrives at the Finish, Adina quickly gets the feeling that something isn’t quite right with both the Remingtons and her competition, and soon it becomes clear that this larger-than-life prize can only come at an even greater cost. Because the Finish’s stakes aren’t just make or break… they’re life and death. Adina knows the deck is stacked against her—it always has been—so maybe the only way to survive their vicious games is for her to change the rules.

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me by Jamison Shea

Laure Mesny is a perfectionist with an axe to grind. Despite being constantly overlooked in the elite and cutthroat world of the Parisian ballet, she will do anything to prove that a Black girl can take center stage. To level the playing field, Laure ventures deep into the depths of the Catacombs and strikes a deal with a pulsating river of blood. The primordial power Laure gains promises influence and adoration, everything she’s dreamed of and worked toward. With retribution on her mind, she surpasses her bitter and privileged peers, leaving broken bodies behind her on her climb to stardom. But even as undeniable as she is, Laure is not the only monster around. And her vicious desires make her a perfect target for slaughter. As she descends into madness and the mystifying underworld beneath her, she is faced with the ultimate choice: continue to break herself for scraps of validation or succumb to the darkness that wants her exactly as she is—monstrous heart and all. That is, if the god-killer doesn’t catch her first. From debut author Jamison Shea comes I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me, a slow-burn horror that lifts a veil on the institutions that profit on exclusion and the toll of giving everything to a world that will never love you back.

And to round out this list, we also gotta point out the fellas who are also killing it with the Thriller/Horror genre. 

Promise Boys by Nick Brooks

The prestigious Urban Promise Prep school might look pristine on the outside, but deadly secrets lurk within. When the principal ends up murdered on school premises and the cops come sniffing around, a trio of students―J.B., Ramón, and Trey―emerge as the prime suspects. They had the means, they had the motive . . . and they may have had the murder weapon. But with all three maintaining their innocence, they must band together to track down the real killer before they are arrested. Or is the true culprit hiding among them?

The Getaway by Lamar Giles

Welcome to the funnest spot around . . . Jay is living his best life at Karloff Country, one of the world’s most famous resorts. He’s got his family, his crew, and an incredible after-school job at the property’s main theme park. Life isn’t so great for the rest of the world, but when people come here to vacation, it’s to get away from all that. As things outside get worse, trouble starts seeping into Karloff. First, Jay’s friend Connie and her family disappear in the middle of the night and no one will talk about it. Then the richest and most powerful families start arriving, only... they aren’t leaving. Unknown to the employees, the resort has been selling shares in an end-of-the-world oasis. The best of the best at the end of days. And in order to deliver the top-notch customer service the wealthy clientele paid for, the employees will be at their total beck and call. Whether they like it or not. Yet Karloff Country didn’t count on Jay and his crew--and just how far they’ll go to find out the truth and save themselves. But what’s more dangerous: the monster you know in your home or the unknown nightmare outside the walls?

The Forest Demands Its Due by Kosoko Jackson

Regent Academy has a long and storied history in Winslow, Vermont, as does the forest that surrounds it. The school is known for molding teens into leaders, but its history is far more nefarious. Seventeen-year-old Douglas Jones wants nothing to do with Regent's king-making; he’s just trying to survive. But then a student is murdered and, for some reason, by the next day no one remembers him having ever existed, except for Douglas and the groundskeeper's son, Everett Everley. In his determination to uncover the truth, Douglas awakens a horror hidden within the forest, unearthing secrets that have been buried for centuries. A vengeful creature wants blood as payment for a debt more than 300 years in the making—or it will swallow all of Winslow in darkness. And for the first time in his life, Douglas might have a chance to grasp the one thing he’s always felt was power. But if he’s not careful, he will find out that power has a tendency to corrupt absolutely everything.

If you are a fan of murder mysteries, supernatural thrillers, or just like to get scared, get thee to a bookstore (or library) and support your Black Thriller/Horror writer.

[horseshoegirl]

Damn Those Dog Tags: Part 11 - Dream On

📜... I'll be running from the pitchforks as they come... I'll be running from the pitchforks as they come... 👀

❗+18, strong language, godmother reader/original female character, original child, shitty family dynamics, attempted kidnapping, violence, physical violence, slight verbal abuse, fighting, people are getting hurt in this one, and mentions of blood.

(This part might not be for everyone, so I will say if you want to skip over some of the more descriptive parts, the second someone sees Sadie, please skip to the end.)

#5.5k Words

Part 10 | Masterlist | Part 12

You had no idea what Jake had planned for your second date, and you started feeling guilty.

All Jake told you was to wear something you could easily change out of. He was supposed to pick you up after your shift and take you to some undisclosed location for 'dinner and an experience that would change your life.’ Then he proceeded to tell you Maverick wanted to spend time with Sadie.

Rooster had picked Sadie up from school and dropped her off at the bar.

If he knew anything about you and Jake, he hadn't let on. Whether it was you threatening to take his Sadie privileges away or the chat he had with Jake did something, you were slightly grateful. Perhaps it could make the blow a little softer, for when you told him you broke your promise of not falling for Jake's charms.

But that wasn't the cause for your guilt.

When Jake dropped you back home after the fair, he had respectfully walked you to the door like he wanted. Five minutes before Sadie's curfew, he kissed your cheek and asked if he could see you again. You had asked him if Friday afternoon was too soon, to which he teasingly replied, "So, you just don't want to be friends then?"

Having never gone past a first date, let alone had a date that went as well as this one, you felt a little lost. All those little nuisances of what you were supposed to do now, running amuck in your head - if you could plan the next set of dates or surprise him. He was doing everything right, at least what you believed to be right.

Besides Javy, there wasn't anyone else you could ask about what Jake liked to do. It wasn't the same as asking him what Jake liked to eat; you already had done that when you decided he could return for another Saturday night. It also wouldn't be the same or such a surprise if you asked him yourself. And you wouldn't dare go snoop.

But then you realized, in your panic, you maybe had more to work with than you thought, pulling out your phone to see if any country concerts were coming up that Jake might like to see. The bar was empty, save for you and Sadie, due to a surfing tournament on another beach. You had the time to investigate before Jimmy came to relieve you anyway.

But then you were pulled from your search, a text notification appearing along the top. A message from Maverick that said he was on his way to pick up Sadie.

"Uncle Mav is on his way, Bug! Do you have your helmet?" you called out.

Hearing a thump on the bar, you turned to see Sadie looking at you expectantly, her late Christmas gift from the entire Squad sticking out like a sore thumb. The shiny red helmet was littered with Lady Bugs along both sides, the words Bug in bright, bold letters on the front mocking the designs of their own helmets.

"Am I stupid?" she asked sarcastically. "He drives so fast. I'm not going anywhere without it."

You laughed at her softly. " I'm just making sure. What about your homework?"

"It's Friday," she pouted.

"Sadie..."

"Uncle Jake said he'd help me study for my math test tomorrow," she relented. "It's the end of the school year. I just want to enjoy this night with Uncle Mav before things get busy. Before playoffs."

You regarded her for a moment, deciding to let it slide. She was right, and if Jake was going to help her, you knew she'd do okay on her test.

"Okay, fine," you agreed. " But go to the bathroom. You don't know how long you'll be on the bike for."

Sadie blew a raspberry at you before climbing off the bar stool and skipping down the hall.

You were washing a wine glass at the sink, your back somewhat facing the front of the bar, when you heard someone ring the barbell. You turned to face the person, reaching for Sadie's helmet as you said, "Sorry, that bell is not for..."

But a shrill gasp replaced the end of your sentence, and a sharp chill shot down your spine. You reflectively took a few steps back at the person standing before you.

Tyler Hillman hardly changed since he walked out on your sister that night.

It was obvious Sadie took after Ridley in almost every aspect. While Sadie had Tyler's blonde hair, she looked nothing like him. Whereas he was all sharp features and a pointed nose, Sadie had inherited the dimples you and Ridley were known for.

His stare still made you uncomfortable - not the same way you felt when some of the newer pilots leered at you while you worked. It was the type that made you feel as if he was looking right through you. He still puffed out his chest and stood in a way that now reminded you of Cyclone. And he had an expectant look, despite not saying a word. Like you should already know exactly what he wanted.

Even the lack of a smile, regardless of if it would have freaked you out, was unnerving.

"Tyler..." you stuttered, failing to keep the fear from your voice. "What are you doing here?'

"Cut the crap, Elizabeth," his tone was short. "I know you aren't exactly pleased to see me."

"And you can't imagine why?" you gritted behind your teeth. Your hand holding Sadie's helmet slowly travelled behind your back while Tyler laughed to himself, remarking, "I believe the last words you ever said to me were, 'If you hurt my sister ever again, I will personally shove your balls down your throat.' And you were still a teenager."

Although you were utterly terrified, taking in the fact that one of your worst nightmares had come true, you managed to spit out, "And I'll still do it, you asshole."

He ignored you. "Let me cut to the chase," he said, smiling at you sinisterly. "You have something that belongs to me. I want it back."

His eyes dropped down to the helmet, and you knew, without a doubt, his sole intention in walking into the bar was to take Sadie.

"As if I'd ever give her over to you."

Tyler tutted, shaking his head. "You know, you're making my job here ten times harder. Wouldn't it be so much better for us both if you just handed her over to me? So, you and that glorified pilot could start your own family."

You drew in a sharp breath at the mention of Jake. It confirmed every thought you ever had about being followed, every stupid fucking encounter you've ever had with that white car playing in your head like a movie. The spoiler should have been a dead giveaway; Tyler beefed up his cars with his parent’s money like a spoiled teenager.

"Though," he added, looking down at his hands before staring back at you. "I wouldn't be surprised if that hasn't happened already, the way you two practically fucked up against that truck on the fairgrounds."

Bile rose in your throat. He saw the two of you at the fair, and you suddenly realized he was probably the person who bumped into you. You tried to hide the quiver in your voice as you admitted quietly, "You were stalking me."

Tyler shrugged. "I like to think of it as a little insurance. Knowing what I have to put up with."

You hated that you were forcing yourself to speak with him, that walking on eggshells with your responses would be better than giving him the reaction you knew he desperately wanted. A reaction you would have no problem giving had you not known better.

But deep down, you were screaming. Screaming for Sadie to stay hidden in the bathroom. Screaming for Pete to hurry up so you wouldn't be alone. For Jake to arrive earlier to come to get you. So, you didn't have to keep distracting him so you could stall for time.

You knew Tyler. He'd stop at nothing to get what he wanted. Because there was no way you weren't getting out of this without some sort of fight.

The words slipped out of your mouth, "You're insane."

Tyler whipped his hand across the bar, knocking a few empty glasses off the surface and sending them crashing to the floor. You flinched, your grasp on Sadie's helmet becoming tighter as he reached out to grab the backs of the farthest bar chairs.

"No, you know what's insane?" he shouted at you. "My father cares more about his political career and reputation than anything else."

This was the Tyler you knew him to be. The rich kid persona, acting out if he didn't get his way.

"Go get the kid, Tyler," he rambled. "We can't have this staining our chances. So, what do I do but remind him he was the one who wanted the no responsibility cause."

Your hand holding Sadie's helmet twitched at him degrading your sister, fighting the urge to throw it at his head.

"So, what does he do but put in the review request," Tyler's knuckles whitened on the chair as he shook his head. "Asshole didn't listen to me when I told him your sister had it locked down, 'ironclad.'"

Those were the exact words the clerk had told you the day Jake picked Sadie up from school. And then the letter flashed in your mind, Tyler's written words reciting themselves in your head.

"You tried to convince her," you said out loud. "Your letter, you wanted her to drop it."

"Oh, find that did you?" he smirked, pleased with himself. "I'll admit, it wasn't the best idea. But at least it got her to meet up with me."

"Meet up with you?!" You said in disbelief. "She'd never put herself in that situation, not what you did to her."

He lazily spun one of the barstools around before picking up a toothpick from the bowl on the bar. He threw the piece of paper it was in onto the ground, working the piece of wood through his fingers. "She was a nuisance, that one. Never did what I asked her to. Ungrateful, really."

Taking the toothpick with his other hand, he brought it up to his mouth, working it around his bottom teeth before biting down. You made a mental note to ask Jake not to use them anymore at the action.

"Despite what you think, she did meet me. Out at a coffee shop before dark, just before a freak storm."

Like a cigarette, Tyler pulled the stick out of his mouth, snapping it in two and tossing the broken pieces onto the top of the bar. "Told me I was the biggest fucking regret of her life, apart from being nothing short of a sperm donor."

You jolted as he tore the chairs backwards. They struck the floor with an intense bang. "Me, of all things, a sperm donor?!"

You caught the clock behind his head, refusing to look at him while he spurred off on everything Ridley said to him during that chat. How she humiliated him. How she listed off all the reasons why she'd never help him, never let Sadie anywhere near him.

Part of you understood why she did it. It was everything she couldn't say to your father, her one regret of taking you and leaving as the both of you did. Time and time again, she told you she wished she could convey just how much he had hurt the two of you, how much he had hurt your mother with his actions, while he lay in some comatose state so he'd be forced to listen to everything, without a chance of getting a word in.

Tyler was that chance.

Fixing your eyes on the smaller hand, you watched as it ticked away, each second a blessing, knowing somebody was just that closer to walking through those doors - even if you felt like a princess who needed rescuing. You prayed Sadie was still in the bathroom, the noise making her lock herself up in a stall.

That was until his following words made you look at him in shock.

"Though I'll admit after that, it was pretty easy leaving her on the side of that road," he remarked nonchalantly. "That tree practically came out of know where."

His words didn't register right away. At first, you thought he was trying to rile you up, mentioning your sister's death to upset and hurt you because you weren't giving in to what he wanted.

But then, the way in which he described leaving her. The way he described the tree. You knew.

It was never the storm that caused Ridley to crash.

You wanted to scream at him for what he'd done, but you stood there silently instead. Your mouth hung slightly open in disbelief as tears filled your eyes and ran down your cheeks.

"You bastard," you gasped.

He looked at you with a sickening smirk, taking pleasure in what he had done without feeling remorse for Ridley's death or your pain, shrugging like it was no big deal.

"That was one problem taken care of. But then I forgot about you. Should have known she'd have you take the kid should anything happen to her."

Tears streamed down your face as you gripped the side of your forearm. It was one thing to think Ridley's death had been an accident. It was another to know it hadn't. And Tyler raised his eyebrows, pleased with your reaction.

"You, I think, will be much easier to deal with."

A small gasp could be heard from the hallway to the bathroom. You saw the shift in his eyes, a quick side glance, indicating he saw Sadie hiding behind the corner. And despite everything you felt, you knew he would stop at nothing to get to her.

"Sadie! Run!" you shouted.

She panickily turned towards the back doors with a sharp gasp, sprinting towards the beach. You stepped forward and swung your arm up, Sadie's helmet still tight in your grasp. But Tyler was quicker, grabbing your wrist forcefully before you could hit him. You cried out as his nails bit into your skin, the helmet hitting the top of the bar, as you tried to pry his grip off your wrist.

Then he yanked you forward, hard. You wheezed as the counter's edge hit your stomach, and you doubled over the bar in pain. Struggling to breathe, you tried to force air into your lungs, a wave of panic surging through you as Tyler reached for the back of your head. Your hand came up in a weak attempt to stop him.

But it wasn't enough. Without warning, he slammed your face down into the surface of the bar.

Everything went black.

Fuzzy.

Mute.

You felt yourself being pushed backwards, falling to the floor like a sack of potatoes, the side of your face hitting something solid on the floor and making you cry out in pain. You instinctively cradled your face, your body curling inwards on itself.

It could have been minutes of you laying on the floor until you felt a hand wrench yours away from your face, dragging you over to the side of the bar. You fought and screamed for him to let you go. Then something cool was placed around your wrist. Tyler said something to you, but you couldn't make it out with the roar of blood rushing through your ears, eyes instinctively shut, whether your mind was protecting you or the pain was too much.

And then he was gone.

And your world went dark.

At first, you could only feel the coolness of the fridge against your arm, the biting edge of something encasing your wrist, a light breeze on your face, and the aches and pain underneath your skin.

Then it came to you, an overwhelming, all-encompassing feeling of panic throughout your body.

Sadie was in danger.

You opened your eyes.

The fucking asshole had handcuffed you to the mini-fridge. You blindly searched for something on top of the counter, random objects and glasses crashing to the floor as you struggled to find something you could use to free yourself.

But it was no use. There was nothing, not even a paper clip to wedge between the springs.

So, you tugged.

And tugged.

And pulled.

Each time more excruciating than the last, some blind hope urging you to believe if you put enough pressure behind your efforts - if you yanked hard enough - the metal would give way. And each scream would bring you one step closer to Sadie, despite your skin already turning blue.

The pain you could endure. Sadie needed you.

You had lost count of how many times you tried to free yourself, how many times the metal cut into your skin, but one attempt became too much. You hollered at the pain, the sharp feeling radiating down the joint of your arm, making you crumble.

There was no way you would get this thing off you.

It was hopeless.

"Liz?!"

Almost hopeless.

"Jake!" you screamed out through your tears. His boots pounded on the hardwood floor, and looking up over the top of the bar from the ground, you saw his head, eyes wild and frantic as he took in the state of the bar.

"Where are you!?" he yelled, stepping around the broken glass and upset chairs.

"Here!" you cried out, too weak to hide the pain or panic from your voice.

Jake sprinted around the bar, the swinging doors whacking either side of the counter as he approached you, trying to avoid the glass. You reached for him with your free hand, gripping his forearm tightly to confirm he was there with you. He kneeled next to you, grabbing the back of your neck, and firmly tilting your head to the side to take in the side of your face.

"Who the fuck did this to you?" he fumed, his face red as he focused on what you knew later to be a black eye. A vein on his forehead was sticking out as his nostrils flared. In any other instance, you would have feared him. But some small part of you knew you were safe.

You didn't answer him directly, instead crying out, "He went after Sadie."

Jake stiffened. "Who? Who has Sadie?"

"Tyler!" you sobbed. "You were right. He was behind everything."

He quickly scanned the inside of the bar for something heavy to free you with as you continued to bawl out, "His father put in the CPS request. He was the car. The one that night when you picked me up. At Sadie's school, at home. He was at the fair."

Jake looked back down at your face, shocked. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?!"

"I thought it was paranoia!" you exclaimed, thumping your head against the cupboard. Then in your bubbling mess, you cried out, "He killed Ridley."

Jake froze before pulling you to him, pressing your foreheads together as he fumed, "That fucker."

He let go of your face to reach up and grab your wrist, turning it to see the damage you had caused in your attempt to free yourself. Something changed in how he worked to free you - as if the news you had just given him were his commanding orders, and like a good soldier, he was following through.

Then the panic settled in your stomach once again. It wasn't you who needed help.

Sadie was in danger.

"Jake, you need to go find her. Please!"

He hooked his fingers between the metal and your skin, attempting to use sheer force and strength to pry the metal away. But you whimpered, crying out in pain as he pulled. You placed your hand on his arm to get him to stop.

"Jake, stop! You can't!"

He let out a frustrated cry, pulling away to place a hand on your neck once again. "I'm not leaving you here like this!"

But you shook your head frantically. "It's her before me. Always, Jake! Please!"

Jake didn't move. He was fighting with himself between trying to find something to free you with or leaving you like this so he could get to Sadie before Tyler did.

"Go!"

The firmness in your voice urged Jake to press a long, hard kiss to your cheek, just below your bruise, his hands holding either side of your jaw tight before he forced himself to leave you. Standing up, he pushed himself out of the bar, taking off in a full sprint out the back door after Tyler.

You were alone again, still chained, still lying amongst the broken glass trapped by the counter walls. You were left to grapple with the understanding your sister didn't die in an accident, that she was murdered, that Tyler ran her off the fucking road and left her to die. And now, he was after Sadie. He might as well have ripped your heart out and thrown it amongst the broken glass.

Sadie deserved so much better than you. And knowing your voice would go unheard, you wailed to the ceiling with the belief you were a complete and utter failure as her guardian.

It was a few minutes before Mav found you. You cried out for him as he called out your name. He peered at you from over the bar, you exclaiming you were handcuffed. He ran to Penny's office, coming back with a pair of heavy shears. As he worked to free you, you told him what happened. Once he released you, he led you to a chair, telling you to stay put before going to the back door.

"Call the police!" he called over his shoulder. "I'm going to go find Hangman."

___

The first time Jake ever got into a fistfight was in seventh grade.

A kid named Carter had made an insensitive joke about Janet, how he needed his sister, a girl no less, to fight his battles for him. Jake had swung without realizing he had. He had acted on instinct. He hadn't thought about the consequences.

And even as he sat in the Principal’s office afterwards, holding an ice bag to his cheek, his Ma sitting next to him as the principal ratted on him, he didn't care. Even when he came home, his brother George stared at him from the front step, shaking his head; he didn't care. Or when his father moved his room to the barn hayloft as a form of punishment, Jake stood his ground.

He had accepted his fate, whatever it would be. It was a small price to pay - nobody would say anything bad about his sister if he had any control over the matter.

But there would be consequences if he failed here. Sadie being taken away from you, him, and the Squad wasn't an option in any regard.

A faint scream in the distance guided Jake in the direction he needed to go, further down the south side to where the beach curved and a pile of rocks cut off the sand. Sprinting along the shore, he saw Sadie had been caught, dragged by her wrist in the sand as she screamed. She was fighting, arms flailing as she repeatedly hit Tyler in some desperate attempt to get him to let her go.

Sadie knew what was happening when she heard the glass breaking in Aunt Penny's bar. She knew what her birth father looked like; her mom had shown her countless pictures, always telling her if she saw this man, she needed to hide or run like hell.

She never questioned her mom on the why. She had heard enough eavesdropping on conversations to know he was an evil man.

When she was caught, she thrashed against him, calling out for anyone to help her. But the beach was empty, and he wasn't listening to her. She dug her heels into the sand, pulling against him and turning her wrist in his hand before she saw her Uncle Jake running towards them. His fist was clenched into a ball, and with each second he got closer, he raised it higher. Catching on to what he was about to do, Sadie dropped to her knees.

"Tyler!" Jake shouted at a full sprint.

The man didn't expect someone to shout his name, even as Sadie repeatedly started punching at his leg. The minute he turned, Jake didn't hesitate, his knuckles hitting the flesh of Tyler's cheek hard. The man crumpled to the ground, clutching his face as he groaned.

Jake slid on one knee across the sand, having lost his balance as he came to a halt. Sadie instantly ran to him, looping her arms around his neck as she cried. He held her tightly, feeling her body shake with her sobs.

But Tyler wasn't finished. There was no way this army nut would stand between him and his trust fund. The sight of Sadie clinging to Jake urged him to stand, anger sharpening his resolve.

Jake stood, pushing Sadie behind him. She tried to make herself as small as possible, gripping the denim of his jeans tightly between her fingers and hiding her face in the back of his leg.

Tyler stepped to the left, Jake to the right. The two men circled each other, Sadie moving with her uncle as they waited for the other to make a move.

"This isn't your fight, Navy Boy!"

Jake cocked his head. "Really? My girl was handcuffed and left broken on the floor. You going after her niece. I'd say this is my fight."

Tyler laughed to himself. "It's not my fault you left her all chained up."

"This can go two ways here, Tyler," Jake explained, reaching around to place a comforting hand on Sadie's shoulder when she whimpered at the mention of you. "Either you back up and run back home to god knows where. Or you take another step, and I'll show you exactly what we do to men who treat women and children like you do back home."

"I'd like to see you try."

Jake's voice was stern as he replied, "Your choice. "

Tyler stared at Jake briefly before nodding at his words, turning sideways as if he was about to leave. But then, in a blink of an eye, Tyler lunged. Sadie gasped, jumping to the side as Jake pushed her out of harm's way. The two men grappled in the sand, Jake trying to gain the upper hand without hitting him, too focused on trying to escape his hold.

Sadie landed on her hands. Sand had been thrown into her face as she tried to dodge a nearby rock. Coughing, she turned onto her back, rubbing her eyes at the grains of sand scattered across her face before opening them to a horrifying sight.

Her Uncle Jake was pinned, Tyler raining blow after blow into his arms, protecting his face as he tried to find a way out from under him. Jake refused to throw another punch in front of Sadie, your voice echoing in his head - the longstanding promise you had vowed never to let her experience any trauma. He wouldn't add more to what he knew would be another one of her nightmares.

Sadie could only watch in horror, her heart pounding in her chest, as her uncle tried to deflect Tyler's blows. She felt helpless and scared. She wanted nothing more than for this to be over, weeping as she stumbled while attempting to stand, looking for a way to help her uncle. He was in this mess because of her… because she got caught.

"Uncle Jake!" she screamed, taking a hesitant step forward. But Jake turned his head in the sand, shouting towards her, "Get out of here, Sadie!"

Tyler landed an uppercut to his jaw, Jake's teeth clamping down hard on his bottom lip with force as his arms lost their stance, giving Tyler the ultimate opportunity to land a devastating blow.

But as he was setting himself up, it left his head exposed. Sadie saw this, realizing she might lose her Uncle Jake if she didn't do something now. Ignoring what he said, she charged forward at a run, imagining she was kicking a soccer ball at one of her games. She swung her leg forward, forcing every ounce of power into her strike for Tyler's head.

But he saw her coming out of the corner of his eye, his hand grabbing her ankle, easily tossing her backwards. Sadie screamed, her arms flying out as she fell back, landing with a sickening crunch. She was too close to the collection of rocks along the end of the beach, and Jake watched her fall as if the world was suddenly in slow motion. The second Sadie fell, she hit the back of her head on a rock.

And she didn't get up.

Tyler paused in his efforts as both watched her body limply roll to the side. "Uh, that would have been easier to deal with."

Jake saw red.

In a momentary burst of adrenaline, fueled only by rage, Jake let his hand fly, no longer bound to hold his punches for fear of Sadie being mentally scarred. Tyler fell, and Jake used the momentum to land blow after blow to his face, never stopping or hesitating for a second.

And like that day in seventh grade, when he landed that first punch when Carter threatened his sister, Jake didn't think.

He had hurt Sadie.

He had hurt you.

He had murdered your sister.

Nothing else mattered.

"Hangman!"

Jake looked up from Tyler's face to see Maverick running down the beach. Unfortunately, the distraction was enough for Tyler to knock Jake back to the ground with a knee to his stomach. Jake collapsed with a groan, and Tyler climbed back on top of him again, hand raised to throw another punch. But Mav was quicker, tackling him off Jake with a heavy push.

Tyler rolled away from the two pilots, spitting blood into the sand. He could not take her now when he had two other people to contend with. There would be fewer opportunities now to get the kid. But a few calls to his father's office could put any 'repercussions' of this little misunderstanding to rest.

He quickly stood, running off down the beach toward his car. Maverick started to go after him before Jake yelled for him to stop.

"Let him go!" he panted out, forcing himself to stand and spitting out, "Sadie's hurt."

When he got to Sadie, Jake reached down to cradle the back of her head, only to be met with warm liquid collecting in the palm of his hand. "Shit, Sadie? Bug, open your eyes for me."

But she didn't. She barely moved despite the slight movement of her chest. Mav slid to the ground beside him, a hand coming out to hold Sadie's cheek.

"Bug, don't do this," Mav called to her, hoping his voice would do something. But when Jake pulled his hand back, Pete rocked back on his heels, horrified at the sight.

"Call an ambulance," Jake commanded, hooking his arm under her legs, tilting her body upright so he could place his hand on the back of her head. "Tell them to meet us in the parking lot of the Hard Deck."

Mav stumbled to stand up before taking off in a sprint down the beach, phone in hand. And as Jake stood, cradling Sadie into his chest, he felt petrified.

"I picked you too, you know," he said through gritted teeth as he carried her back to the Hard Deck, trekking through the sand with effort. "You and your aunt are a package deal. You need to be okay, Sadie. Why give me the chance to be your uncle if you're not here for me to do it?"

The longer Jake walked with no word from Sadie, the quicker he set his pace, carefully keeping her stable and his hand firmly against her head. And as he approached you and Maverick, he pleaded with her one final time.

"Please, Bug. Don't do this. Not because of me."

---

Jimmy found you pacing the back deck, tears streaming down your face as you cradled your bruised wrist to your chest. You had no idea which way they went or what direction Jake had taken off when he left you. All you could think about was Sadie and if he got to her in time.

He was gone, waiting for the police outside. But then you spied Mav, almost running back to the Hard Deck while speaking into his phone. He looked worried as you shot off the step, almost tripping to get to him. And when he hung up his phone, he reached for you.

"Mav, what happened?!" you cried out. "Where is she? Where's Jake?"

Mav gripped your forearms, trying to steady you as you stumbled back and forth on the spot. "Elizabeth, you need to listen to me."

"Mav, where is she?!" you tried again through your tears. "Tell me!"

He reached up to grasp your cheeks, holding you still as he finally managed to answer, "It's Sadie, Elizabeth."

"What?" a quiet plea on your lips.

Pete dropped his hands and opened his mouth to speak again but stopped. Staring at his face, you saw him focus on something behind you, making him swallow hard.

Following his line of sight, you turned. Time froze as your heart thudded painfully in your chest, white pain flooding every single vein in your body as you saw Jake approach you.

Somewhere in your mind, you registered he was hurt, with bruises covering his face, and his bottom lip was split. You should have known he would have made it his mission to get to Sadie in time, no matter the cost. But you wouldn't have noticed anyway.

Sadie was limp in Jake's arms. Your legs finally gave out as you sank your knees into the sand, a heart-wrenching cry tearing its way up your throat as your question of what happened was answered.

The blood matting the back of her head and through Jake's fingers told you all you needed to know. 

Tags:

@blue-aconite @tinytotontheoversizedpony @djs8891 @caitsymichelle13 @startrekfangirl2233

@mayhemmanaged @ereardon @dempy @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @daggerspare-standingby

@phantomxoxo @formulapierre @eli2447 @fulla02 @blckgrl-sunflower @mizzzpink @ohgodnotagainn

@bubblegumbeautyqueen @sarahsmi13s @desert-fern @lynnestra44 @memoriesat30 @penwieldingdreamer @mxlanciia

@bradleybeachbabe @bobby-r2d2-floyd @lavenderbradshaw @roosters-girl @lovinglyeternal @genius2050 @gigisimsonmars @dakotakazansky

@keyrani

Part 12: Blue Healer Coming Soon

Wickett

[sugawhaaa]

Felix x reader Part. 1

"Im just doing my job."

💄Warnings::foul language used

🍦genre::fluff, non idol AU, one bed trope, slow burn

🌙pairing::security guard!Felix x famous!fem!reader

🏷A/N:: at first this idea seemed kinda cringe but now that I'm writing it I'm like, omg...also the next (estimated) 2 parts won't be as long (hopefully) because I had to introduce you to the world of this fanfic 😭

Your father is a worldwide famous actor that is constantly working. He may as well be royalty based on the way he's treated at work. Meanwhile your mother is a kpop artist that is still producing as a soloist. The three of you lived in basically a mansion of a house. All your life you've been harassed by cameras and interviewers, you willingly go to interviews but getting harassed at airports? Not so much. You understand the fact that at interviews all they're going to be asking you about is your parents but it always seems to be that as soon as anyone hears about your parents being well your parents they flip.

Comments such as "really you look nothing like them!" Or "gosh you must be so young!" Get hurtful and repetitive. 

But nothing is worse than getting bothered at your own house. You'll be eating dinner when there's people peeking through the windows or recording you getting changed at night. Your parents became aware of these creeps and stalkers and gave you, what they call, an assistant. His name? Lee Yongbok is his Korean name but he prefers being called Felix when not in business. He's very kind and generous but his speech seems to be limited when it comes to you and he's very stern and serious.

You can't help but feel bad for him. He has just as busy a schedule that you do and sometimes he does chores for you. He stays cool and calm and says it's nothing but is it really? He gets tired and often gets headaches. You offer him medicine but he refuses and uses his hands to massage his head instead. Felix often spends late nights with you and babysits you when your parents are out to simply enjoy themselves or do something for work.

Since you are now 18 years of age you've been thinking. What am I going to do with life? 

Ever since you were only a kid people asked you what your plans for your future are but they always give you two options. As an example an interviewer would ask "what are your plans for the future? Do you want to follow your mother's footsteps or your fathers?" You always try to explain in a kind way that both sound like promising futures but it might not be for you. Then they'll ask "Oh what else do you have in mind then?" 

Your honest answer? I don't know. But you have to give fans and TV more of an answer than that. You always bullshit it and come up with some random career and go with that. 

People also often ask about your school life, but ever since about 4th grade you've been home schooled. By a professional of course. Your parents wouldn't want anything less. Your teacher's name was Namjoon. He was very witty and knowledgeable about anything and everything. He was quick and knew lots about other countries, he's explored a vast amount of countries and often tells you about them. Felix isn't often around when Namjoon is but you just know that Felix would love him! Felix was born in Australia and Namjoon has been there on multiple occasions so they'd get along well. 

As of right now it's mid may, close to June and you are so done with schooling. Only about two months left and you're done. For a while. But there's also traveling, interviews for jobs and TV, hotel rooms, stalkers, busy cities, waiting around the hotel while your parents film or talk business with their staff. Felix usually doesn't come with you on these trips so it gets extra boring real quick. You're in all these different places around the world but you don't get even 5 seconds to enjoy it before getting dragged to a hotel or filming set. 

Today you woke up kind of late, around 10 am, and you instantly grabbed your phone to wake yourself up. You scrolled through some YouTube shorts when you saw a thumbnail for a short video. It mentioned your mother so you kept on reading the title and it said "M/N L/N caught cheating on husband! (She's been married to D/N for 13 years!!!)"

You rolled your eyes "it's been 14 years actually." you thought to yourself. You turned off your phone and hauled yourself out of bed and slipped on your shark slippers. You stretched and headed for the bathroom just down the hall from your room. When you opened your door you heard some cooking sounds from the kitchen downstairs and a delicious smell of bacon and eggs. Smells like moms cooking. 

You used the washroom and as you were washing your hands you looked up into the mirror to see your awful bed head. Right…you went to bed with wet hair last night. You dried off your hands and when you opened the door you heard your mother call your name. You went over to the indoor balcony in your house and looked down to see your mother "Yes?" You called out. 

"C'mere I have something important to tell you," you looked shocked and went down the nearby staircase. You rubbed your eyes as you went over to your mother in her pink house coat and cat slippers. "There's a slight change in plans. We're leaving for Australia today!" She said with a bright smile as she flipped an egg. You smiled with her.

"When do we leave!" You said basically jumping.

"1 pm!" She grinned as your jaw dropped.

"That's in four hours!" You freaked as your mom nodded. 

"I already made you an Australian breakfast," she smiled as she handed you a plate. You thanked her and gave her a kiss on the cheek before running to your room. You had nearly nothing packed! You were supposed to leave in roughly four days so you had like one outfit planned. It had a beret, long sleeve white dress, burnt pranced sweater and some basic sneakers.

Other than that you had nothing! You ate your breakfast really fast and got all the necessities. Hair brush, tooth brush, hair clips, make-up, skincare, pads, extra change of under garments, meds, bandaids everything! Time for clothes and hair accessories. You checked the time and only an hour had passed but your phone was at 18%! 

Ugh could anything else go wrong today?! 

You plugged in your phone and started putting outfits together. You finished all the clothing in about 30 minutes, not too bad considering. You then got in the shower and did your 50 step routine. At the end you relaxed a bit in the warm water but only 2 minutes into relaxation the water got cold. That doesn't happen too often but everyone's probably showering right now. You dried off and did some simple skin care before you ran into your mother in the hallway. 

"Whoa dear, relax." She giggled before taking a deep breath, she influenced you to do the same and you copied her. After a few deep breaths your mother oh'd. "I forgot to tell you," she said after hugging you. You looked at her with a confused and curious look. "Mr. Yongbok is coming with us!" She clapped and your face lit up. 

"Oh! He's gonna love that!" You said happily when your mother got a notification on her watch. She whipped out her wrist to check what it said and you quickly looked at the time on her watch. "12:13!? Damn I'm doing pretty good on time," you smirked before saying bye to your mother and going back to your room to keep packing. You packed some things that you might not need as much as you played some upbeat music. Bathing suit, housecoat, slippers, fidget toys, you know all the things that are kinda unnecessary to have a good time. You then dried your hair, styled it and did some simple but cute makeup. Then it hit you.  

"I don't have an outfit to wear today!" 

You put together a comfy yet cute outfit and finally got to sit down and relax on your phone but time goes by fast. Soon it was time to start heading for the airport. 

You and your family brought everything out to your big black car. One of your mother's staff was going to be driving you all there and helping with luggage. 

When you arrived at the airport you managed to spot Yongbok in the crowd. His long sandy hair covered his eyes as he looked down at his phone. You went over to him and he looked up before a squishy smile appeared on his face. You two chatted while sitting on a bench in a private section. The adults all discussed important matters while you and Felix talked about a video game you were playing on your phone.

"So they're all cookies…?" He questioned as he leaned in to see your phone screen.

"Yup!" You nodded as the cookies on your phone battled. 

"And they fight for their kingdom that you are in charge of?" He tilted his head as he looked at your focused eyes. You nodded again while humming. Your plane was then called to board, you and Felix got all of your things together and got on the plan. You were in first class today and this was Felix's first time up here. He embarrassingly asked a lot of questions during the whole flight. You thought it was cute but he found it embarrassing.

"Oh I've never asked you before," you started, catching Felix's attention. "How old are you?"

"Oh I'm twenty," he chuckled before putting a black mask on. 

"Really!?" You said with pure shock. "You look so much younger…" you looked at him intensely.

"How old did you think I was!?" He laughed "I am technically your security guard. I wouldn't really be in this position if I wasn't at least 18." He made a good point. But still he looked so young and handsome. You laid back in your comfy seat and closed your eyes with a sigh. "Tired?" Felix whispered in that deep, steady voice of his. He was so close to your ear and it made the butterflies in your stomach go wild. 

"Mhm" you nodded before relaxing your face again. Felix let you rest on the way to Australia. 

°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○

You woke up to Felix calling your name and gently shaking your arm. You woke up confused as fuck. "What? What?" You groaned as you looked around the plane.

"We're almost there, I just wanted to make sure you were awake enough when we got there," he said before handing you some water. You drank it, the cold liquid going down your dry throat. Your lips popped off the lid and you took a breath. You nodded and handed it to Felix. He took it and set it away again.

"Are you excited to be back home?" You smiled at him.

"Of course." You saw his eyes smile just above his mask. "Are you?" He said as his fluffy hair turned your way. 

"I love Australia. I think it's a beautiful place, other than the spiders," you said, making Felix chuckle. "But I hardly ever get to go out and see these places we visit." You said sadly.

"Oh? Why?" Felix seemed to misunderstand this entire trip. Maybe he thought he was going to be able to see the old parks he went to and old restaurants he went to. Hopefully he isn't too upset.

"Well…" you gestured for him to lean closer to you. "My parents don't usually let me go out. They usually leave me in the hotel while they're out and about." You whispered in his ear so your parents wouldn't hear you talking bad about their treatment towards you. Felix looked surprised and disappointed. 

"Hopefully we can go out and just hang about!" He smiled with his eyes again. You nodded before going back to looking out the window. 

"Oh we're almost there!" You said pointing your finger at the window. 

After you all landed on the safe Australian land Felix took a deep breath and took in the landscape. 

"You and your parents know English right?" Felix mumbled as he leaned over to you.

"Um the basics?" You shrugged. Felix face palmed and went to go talk to your parents, leaving your side empty. They talked a lot and worked out a plan and after an s-class car ride to your 5 star hotel you finally got to feel the comfort of a soft squishy bed. But before that…

"I think we should divide the rooms by two. You and Felix go in one and me and D/N will go in the other," your mom smiled and everyone agreed. You arrived on the 5th floor and found your room. Felix opened it and let you in first. You jumped on the bed and soaked in the soft sheets. You let out a deep sigh.

"So comfy~" you said as you cuddled up in the blankets. When Felix walked in with both of your bags he scanned the room. His eyes landed upon this little bench by the window. There was something weird about it, he bent down to look at it. He pulled off one of the cushions and found a camera. He kicked it extremely hard, shattering it and shooting the pieces all across the room. You instantly sat up and looked at the mess he had made. He started picking up the pieces of glass and plastic. You got off the bed to help him. 

"Careful." He said standing up and putting a hand in front of you. "There's glass." He said before bending back down to clean it up. 

"I'm literally wearing shoes," you laughed.

"Still don't wanna risk my princess getting hurt," 

You blushed at what he just called you. Not only princess but HIS princess. Your heart fluttered as you sat on the bed, cheeks hot. "S-sorry." He blushed as he swept up the glass with a little hand broom from the bathroom. "I used to call my little sister that and you remind me of her so it kinda slipped out…" he explained.

"Don't worry I liked it," you said with a wave of your hands. An awkward silence fell upon the room. Thankfully a knock on the door broke the silence. Felix immediately shot up and headed for the door. "I'll get it." You said putting your hand up to his chest to stop him in his tracks.

"What if it's a creep?"

"Felix. It's fine."

"There was already a camera in here."

You rolled your eyes and opened the door. It was just a staff member bringing your extra luggage. You thanked him with a bow and started taking out some of your luggage. Meanwhile Felix checked all the mirrors for cameras and made sure everything was safe. 

Your parents then messaged you saying they were going to a meeting and you were free to roam around with Felix. Your face lit up. 

"Felix, Felix, Felix!" You said jumping up off the bed and over to him, your phone in hand. He turned to you. "My mom said we can go roam around as long as we stay near the hotel!" You basically jumped with excitement and Felix's face lit up as well. "But I'm kind of tired…" you said with disappointment.

"It's okay," Felix said as he put his strong, boney hands on your bare shoulders. "There's an ice cream shop just down the street from here. It's really good and the staff are always very friendly. After that we can come back here and relax until you want to sleep." 

You nodded and started getting ready. "Also your mother deposited $400 to your account." He said after he checked his phone while you brushed your hair and put cute clips in it. 

"Okay tell her I said thank you please," you said as you topped up your makeup. With that Felix started typing on his phone while still standing in the same spot as 5 minutes ago. You grabbed a purse out of your suitcase and pulled Felix out the door with you. You grabbed onto his arm with both of your arms. He guided you to the ice cream stand and you both had a wonderful time eating your ice cream. Felix got a reeses pieces flavor and you got (flavor of choice) as you walked down the street in the dim lights finishing off your ice cream you looked at Felix. His cute freckles scattered across his face, his wavy hair so effortlessly perfect, his eyes big and pure, full of wonder, his puffy lips shaped like that of a chick, his eyebrows dark and sharp, his jawline handsome and fair. As you were admiring his every feature he looked down at you and your eyes instantly shot away. His little beak lips formed a smile before going back to his ice cream. 

When you arrived at the hotel to sleep for the night you realized, there's only one bed! 

Felix had previously set his things on the cushioned bench by the window so he started heading for that. He was adjusting the pillows when you stopped. 

"Sleep on the bed tonight, it's okay!" You said putting your hand on his back. 

"No, no, you take the bed."

"No, I insist you use it tonight."

"No, I insist." You bickered back and forth.

"How about we both just use the bed?" You said crossing your arms as you awaited his response. 

"As long as you don't mind sharing." He said as he dragged his things over to the nightstand. You went to the washroom and changed your clothes while you were in there. Meanwhile, without you knowing, Felix was also getting changed. You stepped out of the bathroom in your cute short pajamas to find Felix shirtless with his fly undone, a shirt in between his arms being prepared to be put on. You gawked at the sight before you caught his eyes on you. 

"S-sorry!" You jumped and turned around, covering your eyes. Felix just laughed.

"Sorry, I'm used to having just guys around…" he said as he continued to change without your eyes staring him down. 

"That's understandable, I almost did the same!" You said as you rolled on your heels. The sound of his belt and pants hitting the floor making your cheeks heat up.

"Perhaps it's because, I feel comfortable around you…" he muttered as he put on some shorts. 

"I feel the same." You smiled "I'm glad you feel comfortable with me and I hope you keep these feelings!" You said before turning around to see him heading for the left side of the bed. Felix smiled and you two started chatting about your experiences with each other. First impressions, embarrassing moments, close calls etc. 

Eventually you got tired and turned out the lights. Hours later you still lay awake looking out the window at all the city lights lighting up the midnight sky. 

"Can't sleep?" Felix asked in a deep voice.

"Nope." You sighed. "You should focus on sleeping instead of me,"

"But it's my job," Felix chuckled. 

"That power kick you did earlier was dope." You giggled to yourself.

"Haha, just doing my job!" He laughed. 

"Still, every time you do that I get more and more impressed." You smiled as you rolled over to look at him, his eyes already on you. 

"Do you know what the plan for tomorrow is?" He asked with pink dusting over his cheeks.

"Nope." You said with a light roll of your eyes.

"Either way we should get some sleep. Goodnight, princess," he said as he rolled back over to face the wall. Your cheeks were hot and the butterflies in your tummy were going insane at his choice of words.

[valentinaonthemoon]

Gmmtv 2025 Thoughts Tag Game

Rules: write your thoughts on all the gmmtv series pilots released today (or just the ones you plan to watch) and tag any 3 (or more! or less!) ppl whose thoughts you wanna know about!

I was tagged by the sweet @cryingatships and I agree on most of what they said, too, over here! Thank you, Miu!!

Dare You to Death: I'm not a big fan of a police procedural drama PLUS romance. I need it to be one or the other. I don't think this is for me at all...

Head 2 Head: Okay, so this is the first of the trailers this year that's vaguely connected to magic. Where did the vision of the future come from? What did it mean? Why does someone always have to die? Honestly I will wait for the actual trailer to come out to decide if it's for me or not, because I'm not that sold with this one.

Burnout Syndrome: OffGun just can't go wrong with any series, honestly. As mentioned by @cryingatships, Gun with makeup looks very very pretty, so good for him. Off seems very annoying, so I am looking forward to his redemption arc in some way, and Dew is a very interesting addition to the couple. Since this is the team from Not Me, I'm quite confident this will be good, so I will be surely watching.

I Love "A Lot Of" You: I am sure there is a lot to say about Multiple Personalities Disorder and hopefully this romance series will treat the discussion better than some thrillers have done before, but this is just not something I would watch at all, sorry to the straight people in the audience. (which brings us to)

Whale Store xoxo: this is for the girlies!! Milk keeps playing relatable characters (until she decides to eat cat food???????) and Manic-Pixie-Dream-Girl Love is there to save everyone's day, so I'm pretty sure this will be cute and I will watch it.

Only Friends: Dream On: "Dream on" is what I will say to whoever tells me to watch this one, because unfortunately the only thing that I liked in season 1 was the dynamic between First, Khaotung, and Book's characters, and now that they're gone I will not watch more of other people trying to sleep with each other for nothing, ughhh, I'm tired. Not even one demisexual in sight. (I'm kidding, this was a joke)

That Summer: I'm not going to lie, this looks like a cute show to watch during summer, and Satang and Winny finally having their own main couple show is a win. I think I'll be watching this one.

My Romance Scammer: I am glad that everyone can get married in Thailand, which means that everyone can also get divorced and these series can happen. Unfortunately I do not care about this one in particular, and I'm mad because they keep underutilising Junior in the comedy department when he was the funniest person in CMTH and needs to be cast in a roadtrip buddy comedy of sorts as well as multiple couple romance dramas, thank you very much. Next.

Melody of Secrets: oh this one looks So Good, actually. I love me some well written interesting horror sometimes, and ForceBook and Jan will definitely carry the show well!

Love You Teacher: Perth's character hating kids and teaching in primary school needs to change careers or to change his stance on pedagogy because kids these days are BRUTAL. Either way this series is weird and silly, and it's made by the same team as Peaceful Property so I don't care about what any of you say, I'll watch it. It's also going to make people cry, knowing Dome at this point.

Mu Te Luv: it might be interesting to watch if you like how magic and superstition is portrayed in Thailand, maybe?? Unfortunately that is too many people in one show and I'm already tired. Not for me, sorry.

Cat for Cash: this is the funniest premise ever. Kitty Magic, even. No need to be a virgin, but a cat lady has to die on you, apparently. I am seated and I can't wait to see all the cat food sponsorships kitties!!!

Girl Rules: Only GirlFriends. I will watch at least the first two episodes because I am loving NamtanFilm in Pluto, but I am not a fan of messy relationships if they're not well written or developed. We'll see.

Boys in Love: It feels like I've watched this trailer many times and yet I still don't know what it's about. I don't think this will be for me, but nice to see that GMMTV won't lose its yearly quota of BLs set in school.

My Magic Prophecy: More magic!!! Now, if you've been following me anywhere, you already know that I don't like angsty stuff! And I love JimmySea, but they keep acting in angsty series! This is a conspiracy against me specifically. I guess I'll watch the actual trailer and decide then.

A Dog and a Plane: My DADS. Unfortunately TayNew can't go wrong, you already know I will be watching it even if it's the trashiest thing ever because of them. Also the translators on twitter said that the original dialogue said "husband" and not "top" or "bottom" so that was weird of the official translation. Either way, I love seeing those two with their chemistry hate each other and then fall in love because for what it's worth for me, they were born to do that, thank you very much, next

Me and Thee: this seems goofy and I'm here for it. Also p'X directs it, and after Cherry Magic I can trust him for anything.

Wu: Okay, the premise can be intriguing, but I don't know much about the plot or the two actors to have a complete opinion on this. For what I know this could be better as a movie, idk.

Memoir of Rati: now, I know not everything can be I Feel You Linger In The Air, but I still love a period drama, so I will be here for it when it comes out. And finally,

Ticket to Heaven: my goodness, not the Catholic guilt, boys! (btw somebody referred to this one as an historical series when it's set in 1996 and I had to re-evaluate what I know of time itself) Anyway, no jokes. I rewatched the trailer and it gave me chills. Gemini and Fourth are amazing and this story is important!! I grew up in a Catholic environment and my own best friend once asked me what the Church thought of gay people. We were teenagers! It's unbelievable how the Scripture says that God is good and kind and Jesus says "Love everyone like you love God" and then some people take it as "Yes, but we don't like these people so we won't love them as they are" WHAT THE HELL???? LITERALLY!!!! Anyway, it is a very interesting and powerful story and I will be watching and get mad at it every week, okay bye.

That's it, 20 whole trailers! Thank you for reading until here, please let me tag some people for this little game, if they want to do it, and if you wanna talk about any of these some more I'll be happy to! :)

Tagging: @pollodigitale, @almayver, @boozles, and @theflagscene!

Have a lovely day, all! <3

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Leona, Cater: Rewrite the Stars

I like that Leona’s Groovy is at night; the great kings of the past can watch over him and see how far he’s come ✨The hat shading his eyes in the initial art is also fitting; it really makes his eyes stand out!

Leona voice) Poor me, I need some good rest cuz I’ve been working so diligently as a student and dorm leader 🥺 Lyin’ ass…

P.S. brb gonna grip Cay-kun so hard for saying Leona is “acting like a cool leader” 😊 WDYM CATER??? ??? ??????? ? ?? 😊 YOU 'D BETTRr taKE YhAT BSACk RIgHT NOW MiSTEER 😊 last thing I need right now is a reminder that L*ona’s actually a good mentor OTL

A Boy in Bloom, and his Flowering Future.

“What do you want to do in the coming year?”

"I don't want to repeat a year. That's it."

"Eh." Cater blinked. "You wanna run that one by me again?"

"Clean your ears out and listen carefully next time," the birthday boy retorted. "I'm not going to repeat myself. If you didn't catch it the first time around, then you've only got yourself to blame."

"Nah, I did hear you, but... Well, I guess it's more like a 'Wow, I can't believe this!' moment, y'know?" A faint chuckle emanated from Cater. "After all, you're kiiinda infamous for doing just the opposite! Like, you've already been held back once, and you don't exactly have the best attendance record for lectures."

"An old lion can still learn new tricks," Leona simpered, his mouth twisting into something coy.

"You seem super motivated now, Leona-kun! Did something good happen recently to jump-start this?"

"Good?" A scoff, dryly amused. "That's a stretch. Lotsa stuff happened this year, but I'd hesitate to call any of it 'good'.

"There doesn't have to be some big, fancy world-changing reason for a change of heart. I'm just sick of stewing in the shadows and gazing out to a barren pride land. It's about time for the sun to dawn on a new era—and I plan to be there when that happens."

“Ahahah, well~ Graduating’s the bare minimum for us students. It sounds like you’ve got even bigger goals than that.”

“When you’re as noble of a soul as I am, you’ve naturally got the ambitions to match,” Leona purred sarcastically. His voice was languid, like a cat making lazy strides across the floorboards. “Can’t just be throwin’ in the towel the moment the going gets tough. That goes for Magift and in real life.”

“Hmm? That sounds totes different than the you I remember from the interdorm Magift tournament.” Cater’s mouth pulled into a smarmy grin. “I could’ve sworn you gave up and had a meltdown when your plan was foiled!”

He received a poisonous glare. “You just have to remind me, huh? … You know what? Fine, have your cake and eat it. I’ll own up to it. ‘Sides, it was a long time ago.”

“Right, you’ve had a rebranding and a personality glow-up since. All that’s missing is the formal apology video! It’s a necessity for celebs that get cancelled for their #wicked actions.”

Leona scowled deeply. “Can it, I’m NOT doing that. And who’s a ‘celeb that got cancelled for their #wicked actions’?!”

“Really? Awww, but I bet you’d get mad views on it!”

“Tch, it’s things like this that makes maintaining social grace a real drag,” Leona grumbled under his breath. What I’d give to vanish to a remote resort, far, far away from the idiots I’m surrounded with…

“Anyway, nothing gets done if all you do is whine and then quit. People who don’t try can never achieve anything. They’re already down and out from the get-go.

“Cowards who refuse to look at themselves in the mirror don’t have a place in tomorrow. They’re stuck in the past, clawing for some semblance of hope, however futile. That ain’t me, not ever again.”

“Sounds like you’ve def had this on your mind for a while! You’re acting like such a cool and self-assured leader~”

“Please. This is to be expected of every leader. Even your Red Young Master would know this much.”

Leona leaned his shoulder against the school building. Folding his arms, he lifted his head up. “They’d know it too.”

Cater followed his gaze, meeting a vast expanse of the night. The sky was painted a deep black-violet, speckled in glowing white flecks. Stars—so many of them.

“The great kings of the past,” Leona said, his words tainted with the taste of something bitter. “When we pass on, we become a part of nature: the grass and the dirt that feed the next generation, the stars in the sky that light the way in the dark. The things that keep the world turning.

“In the Circle of Life, we all have our roles to play.” A smirk steadily grew on his face. “I know what mine is, and I intend to act on it. The highest point in the sky may as well be mine.”

His declaration resounded in the silence of the campus. One wish, resolute, uttered only for him and Cater to hear. In the quiet that followed, the green of Leona’s eyes flickered not with vengeful fire, but with a flame more thoughtful and warm and…

… the slightest bit vulnerable. A softness Cater had never witnessed before.

Leona-kun has changed a lot. He’s starting to be a little more honest with himself too. wonder if I could ever meet him on that level.

The thought was quickly shoved away, shelved back in the coldest recesses of his mind before it could properly take hold. The space reserved for the darkest parts of him, where truth soured and masks were neatly displayed.

Familiarity. Safety. Comfort. Perhaps what Leona would have called cowardice.

Cater swallowed.

“… If you ask me, you already shine like the star of a great king,” he said cheerily. “Just check out your birthday get-up! You’ve got the drip and the skills for it!

“I’ve got the skills to be a ball of gas in the sky?” Leona grimaced.

“Hey, hey! Let’s not phrase it like that! It’s so not a nice image to think about. Instead, let’s call it… a ball of stardust!”

“Why stardust?”

“I read in a horoscope once that the reason we can do fortune telling with the constellations is cuz people are made of the same stuff as stars are,” Cater explained with a sure wink. “Stardust! Our essence is the same as the what’s in celestial bodies.

“Don’t you think that sounds so much more poetic? When you wish upon a star, it’s said your name wish will come true—but since people and stars are made of the same stuff… then we should be able to make our wishes come true using our own power ⭐️”

“‘Fraid I fail to see the point of your whole whimsical after-school special. It’s obvious that it’s in our hands to shape the future, balls of gas or stardust or no. The great kings of the past can watch it ‘n weep.”

“That’s the spirit!! You got this~” Cater flashed an enthusiastic thumbs-up. “Go and get’m, Leona-kun!”

“You don’t need to tell me twice.” Leona peeled himself away from the main school building, his broom ready.

The birthday boy plopped down on his magical tool, brazenly using it like a sofa. It floated seemingly on its own accord, effortlessly supporting his full weight. Controlled, obedient—like a waiting pet.

“Oh, wait!” Cater called out, suddenly producing his phone. “Is it okay if I grab some pics of you taking off for Magicam? I’ll just need your handle to send you the…”

Resting an arm on his knee, Leona brought his heel down and grinded it against the handle. A signal, a cue, for the broom to kick into high gear.

WHOOSH!!

A shower of golden sparks exploded from the bouquet, and he smoothly launched into the air, his hair and the brim of his hat flying behind him. The violent kickback slammed into Cater, sending him falling back, his phone clattering to the ground.

(“My phoooone!” he wailed.)

With the shadows out of the way, Leona could see the stars for what they really were. Tens of hundreds of them, sparkling clusters in the inky night.

So many wishes. So many kings. Many, many things. Everything, everywhere, all at once.

A world waiting to be rewritten, to tell of his accomplishments.

“One day… I’ll be among them. They’ll tell stories about me, the greatest ‘king’ of them all.” This truth, Leona spoke to the stars.

The future was littered with prizes, and he was to be the main addressee.

[samkat10423]

Sunset Valley _Victorian

So, every year I plan on doing the whole Dickens Christmas thing. And every year, I wait until December 1st to get started. But not this year! No, sirree! Hallmark has their whole "Christmas in July" thing going - be sure to bring along some insulin if you watch! - and I thought, "Start getting your game ready now, samkat!" So, I am!

But this time, I am doing it in 2 towns - Smokey Town by my dear friend @yourpicasso25 and a brand new town, Sunset Valley_Victorian by my new friend, @hancyan. And these 2 towns are as different as night and day! Smokey Town is pure Dickens -dirt and all!- while Sunset Valley_Victorian could be a location setting for the afore-mentioned Hallmark channel. But that's good! Yes, it is.

Anyway, I'm working on both, since I lost all my Smokey Town saves and lots during my last computer meltdown. But since many of you are familiar with Smokey Town, I'll share what I've done in SV_Victorian first.

This 1st lot in town is where the original stadium lot was in the original SV. Hancyan had placed that vampire house from Moonlight Falls there. But, since I don't need that in my town, I decided to place a lot I created for another version of SV, that I did a while back.

This is an equestrian "training" lot that I made for my sims who are into horses. This is the front of the lot as you enter in.

And here are 2 overhead views. The first is from the front of the lot, while the 2nd is looking in from the back.

In hancyan's town, she used that school/stadium combo that came with Moonlight Valley. And it looks really pretty. But I wanted something from when the town was first founded, so I used a lot from My Sims Realty, that I tweaked to fit this town.

In America, it would have been a baseball diamond, but EA never gave us that option. So, soccer field it is. The rabbithole rug is in the basement of that little building on the left of the lot. In addition to the soccer field, there is also a jogging path. I used that mod from Mod the Sims to create it. If you're wondering why there's only 2 parking places, it's because those carriages from @danjaley need the large parking place. Anyway, for reference I think this was either Chris Steel's lot, or the one right next door.

Then I plunked down this lot from @grandelama. I just love this lot and put it in all my Sunset Valley towns. I was able to put down 3 of those parking places - so there will be horse-drawn buggies here. In that little build to the front right of the lot, I was able to place 1 parking place, a watering trough and some hay - that one sims can get up to no-good in. And on church grounds, no less!

This is the criminal rabbithole lot that hancyan built. The only thing that I did on this lot, was change out the windows in that back building for some from cyclonesue's factory-build set. Mostly because I wanted some broken windows. Anyway, the building is currently empty inside, but I think I may place that glass-blowing thingie and maybe the inventor's bench inside.

Right next door is this pretty little park she built. I only changed 3 things on this. I switched out the 3 picnic tables she had, for the New Orleans set the store sold back when they came out with the Ambitions ep. Then I added tea sets to all of them so that my sims can sip tea while being eaten alive by mosquitoes. (And yes, I did add the mosquito spawner because I am a GOOD simgoddess!). Then, by the stairs I added some lights. and at the bottom of the stairs, I gave my artistic sims 2 easels. And viola! It was done!

Then there's this lot by gelinda that I've used in Grey Harbor. Hancyan made it into an arcade - and it's great! I think the only thing I did to this was add the elevator so they could easily access the roof - because they did have elevators back then. Who knew!

I also started working on the port lot, but stopped midway, because I'm thinking of adding a fish market in the open area of the lot. I made a couple minor changes to the building she made - switching out arches for windows and doors, and adding some lights. I also added some spawners and a few more cleats along the dock itself. But I'll post pictures of that when I eventually get around to completing that lot.

Anyway, this town will be populated by the founding families of Sunset Valley. So, you'll be seeing the Goths, Landgraabs, Crumplebottoms, Koffis, and Bachelors. The Altos and those who had just moved into present-day SV - according to EA's notes - won't be here. But more about that later.

Anyway, a HUGE thank you to hancyan who very graciously shared her world - after some of us shamelessly bugged her. For those of you who don't know her, she's super sweet. Be sure to check out her blog!

[reimeichan]

how does functional multiplicity feel, especially as a system aiming for final fusion?

I thought "functional multiplicity" was going to be this great big thing once I got there. That I'd finally know I was there, and that maybe with a bit more of a push I'd make it to final fusion. I thought it was going to be this giant shift in my psyche and stuff.

When, in fact.... it's really not. The change to get here was so gradual that I didn't even notice until I was talking to a few of my other friends who have reached functional multiplicity themselves about our experiences and I went. Wait. Is that.... me? Did I get here already and I didn't even realize it?

I was convinced that I'd only reach functional multiplicity once I was done with processing my trauma and challenging all the negative cognition and dismantling the maladaptive coping skills I'd picked up throughout my life and stuff. I'm actually shocked that's not quite the case. Don't get me wrong, I've done so much of all of that, and that's likely why I'm finally where I am now. But also... I know there's still a lot of work to be done and I'm nowhere near where I actually want to be.

But, I'm no longer struggling every day trying to keep track of what happened the day before. Even if I don't necessarily remember stuff, I know I can trust the other alters, and I know that they trust me. It feels like we're on the same page now for what we actually want in life, instead of everyone having their own disparate agendas and having us all fight each other to see who's "right" or who's the "best". I feel like my thoughts and opinions are heard, and the rest of them do too. I can actually feel my feelings and it doesn't feel like the world is going to fall apart or that I'm losing control. The me from six months ago could never!

I think, for me, the biggest change is that I'm.... actually planning to go back to school. My mental health took a drastic nosedive when I was in college and it felt like I never managed to fully get out of that all these years later. I never ended up getting my degree despite wanting one, and it's been a major source of shame and guilt in my system but especially for myself (as the main alter who dealt with school). I knew I wasn't ready to go back despite the people around me encouraging me to do so year after year. And, this year.... I think I'm finally ready to try again.

I could go on about so much that's changed for me but I'd be here for a very long time, so I guess I'll wrap it up with this:

It feels like I've climbed out of the labyrinthine dungeons and made it out into the sun. I still have a long road ahead of me, but it no longer feels so daunting of a task. I'm actually excited to see where the next phase of my journey takes me.

[moonchildreads]

small town

Chapter 21 - Far from Over

IN THIS CHAPTER: High school rumors, two really awkward talks, and Eddie makes plans for the future [6.0k]

WARNINGS: suggestive themes (very mild, just a misunderstanding with wayne), very vague mention of disordered eating (one line about chrissy not wanting to eat lunch)

A/N: in case you didn't see the announcement at the bottom of the latest extra, i'm changing update days to saturdays because things are insane at work and i really need the extra day. we're halfway done with this story so there's loads to come still! enjoy the chapter <3

masterlist - prev - next | playlist

I'm moving in 'cause I am getting closer I'm digging in I want it more than anything I've wanted

Sunday, June 1st - 1986

Wayne Munson had given up a lot for his nephew. He’d given up his dream job, his bedroom, and his privacy. He’d given up on having the freedom to go wherever he wanted whenever he wanted, dating (not that he was too interested in that these days, but still), the childless life he’d always envisioned for himself. And yet, if you asked him, Wayne would tell you truthfully that he’d never regretted it. How could he, when he loved Eddie like he was his own even when he was probably the reason he was balding? He carried a picture of an eight-year-old Eddie in his wallet from their first Christmas together, he had two mixtapes Eddie had made for him when he was barely 13 and still figuring out who he was and what music he liked, he had Eddie’s birth certificate and the papers he’d signed to become his legal guardian in a manilla folder at the top of the hallway closet along with a newspaper clipping from the time a photographer had taken a picture of a bunch of smiling kids at a pumpkin patch for an article, his boy’s grin the brightest of them all. No, there was virtually nothing in the world that could convince Wayne Munson that becoming Eddie’s caretaker had been the wrong choice, but when he walked into his trailer that Sunday at 6:30 in the morning and immediately tripped on a pair of shoes that had been abandoned at the door, he couldn’t wait until the moment Eddie was all grown up and would leave for greener pastures.

He bent down to grab the shoes, fully intending on throwing them down the hallway for Eddie to pick up later when he realized these weren’t Eddie’s shoes. They couldn’t have been, because for one, they were a size much smaller than his nephew usually wore, but also because they were black kitten heels with a strap and a silver buckle at the sides. These were women’s shoes, and he had no idea who these belonged to but judging by the fact that they were lying by his front door, the owner was still in the trailer. Turning on the lights, he looked around and saw something a parent never really wants to see: signs of their kid’s sex life. There was a dress lying on top of the couch, clearly haphazardly thrown, a white frilly sock next to his armchair and another one in front of the TV. Wayne took in a deep breath, fully intending to pretend like he’d gone temporarily blind, but when he took one step further into the living room and noticed the white cotton bra dangling from the corner of his coffee table he couldn’t stop the indignation from bubbling up his throat.

“EDWARD!” he bellowed, not caring if the mystery girl in his nephew’s bedroom was still there or not.

“Shit!” he heard Eddie yell, accompanied with a loud thump as the boy hit the floor, clearly startled out of his dreams.

Eddie had been enjoying a peaceful sleep - probably the best sleep of his life - when he heard his Uncle Wayne yell his name from the other side of the trailer. During the night he’d shifted from the position he’d been in when he initially fell asleep and was now currently being spooned from behind by Dottie, who jolted awake at the same time he did; her scared gasp on his neck sent him straight onto the carpet and scrambling to open his door. Bleary-eyed, he spilled into the hallway, heart in his throat and ready to fight an intruder or call an ambulance.

“Boy, get over here now,” Wayne gritted out, jaw tight.

Oh, fuck. He knows. Someone probably called the cops, he knows Dot broke Andy’s nose, shit, was all that was running through Eddie’s brain as he approached his Uncle meekly. He looked equal parts terrified and confused, and Wayne softened, remembering how skittish Eddie used to be whenever he accidentally raised his voice too much when he first came to live with him.

“Wayne, I can explain,” Eddie held his palms up, trying to control the situation.

“Look, Ed, you know I don’t care what you do and who you do it with as long as you ain’t bein’ stupid ‘bout it, but at least have the decency of not treating our home like a goddamn love motel,” Wayne said, voice lower but his tone still strict.

“Uh- what?”

“I don’t think that lady friend you got in there would appreciate me knowing what her undies look like-”

“Fuck,” Eddie flinched, but Wayne continued.

“-so please, get her her stuff and take her home so I can get some sleep, would you?”

“It’s not what you think, I swear.”

“Eddie, I don’t give a shit.”

“No, you don’t understand- it’s not a lady friend, it’s Dot,” the youngest Munson said, eyes wide begging his Uncle to shut up for a second.

Wayne looked at him quizzically for a few beats before directing his eyes to the hallway where someone was poking their head out of Eddie’s bedroom. And lo and behold, a sleepy-looking Dorothy was staring back at him with the most shameful look on her face he’d ever seen on anyone in his entire life. Wiping his face with his hand, the old man sighed and motioned for her to come out of her hiding place. She rushed forward, head bowed until she reached Eddie’s side and grabbed the back of his shirt for comfort, gnawing on her lower lip.

“Son,” Wayne looked back at him with a pointed look. “Can you please pick up her clothes before we have this conversation?”

Eddie nodded and leapt onto the coffee table, hiding the offending bra under the rest of her clothes before throwing them inside his bedroom for them to deal with later. Dottie waited in silence, wanting for the floor to open up and swallow her whole. She didn’t know what was worse, Wayne believing they’d hooked up or them having to explain that actually nothing had really happened and have the older man think they were liars. He looked at her and noticed the gauze covering her hand, frowning at the idea of her being hurt.

“You okay there, kid?” he asked, nodding towards her injury.

“Y-yeah. I… I kinda got into a fight last night,” she admitted shamefully.

“You got into a fight?” he asked, disbelief clear all over his face. “With Ed?”

“Actually yes, but that’s from a different fight,” Eddie said, coming to stand next to her again.

“Okay, Jesus,” Wayne muttered to himself. “Sit down.”

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Munson. I promise this is not what it looks like,” Dottie said, looking up at Wayne who stood on the other side of the coffee table with his arms crossed.

“You don’t gotta call me Mr. Munson, you’re not in trouble,” he reassured her with a wry smile. “Now, wanna tell me about these fights you been getting into?”

“We went to a party in Loch Nora,” Eddie explained. “Some bullshit about saying goodbye to senior year, whatever. The basketball meatheads were being assholes so Dot punched one of them.”

“This guy called me names,” she said, fidgeting in her seat. “Said some really ugly stuff, and I was so pissed I just kinda… hit him.”

“Pretty sure you broke bones, princess,” the youngest Munson said, pride tingeing his voice.

“Damn,” his Uncle said.

“He threw beer all over my clothes and I didn’t want my Dad to see me like that so I asked Eddie if he could bring me here to get cleaned up. Nothing inappropriate happened, I swear.”

“Kids, I don’t mind if it did-” Wayne started saying, but Eddie cut him off.

“Wayne, we’re telling you, she showered, I gave her clean clothes and then we went to sleep. That’s it, we just slept in the same bed,” he looked at his Uncle with red ears. “Nothing else happened.”

“What about that fight you two had? Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” he looked at Dottie and they both smiled at each other shyly. “Was just a misunderstanding, we sorted it out. I was being dramatic and threw her stuff around, you know me.”

“No, you weren’t,” she sighed. “I wasn’t listening, you had to get me to shut up somehow.”

“I mean, I could have picked up your clothes after we made up,” he chuckled, and she snorted, still a little embarrassed at the situation.

“Okay,” Wayne said, scratching his beard. “If you say nothing happened, then I believe you. But-” he looked at Eddie. “-if anything ever happens, and I’m not saying it will, but I still gotta tell you this… don’t be an idiot, son. Got you those condoms for a reason.”

“Jesus Christ, Wayne,” Eddie flinched.

“Actually, I threw them out when we cleaned his bedroom last month,” Dottie said, mortified but also holding in a chuckle. “They were kind of… old?”

“Old?” Eddie asked, his brows rising on his forehead.

“Expired, Ed. You do know those things have an expiration date, don’t you?” she said, and Wayne let out a loud chortle.

“Do I look like I knew that?” he replied, looking at her like she’d just blown his mind. “Why do you think that box was sealed?”

“Didn’t really need to know that, but I’m glad there won’t be any little Munsons toddling around here then. God knows we ain’t got the space,” Wayne said, putting an end to the conversation. “You two gonna hang out here today?”

“No, I should get home,” Dottie said, turning to Eddie. “Gotta tell my Dad I broke someone’s nose eventually.”

“We could always tell him you were defending my honor,” he joked, getting up. “That asshole threw me onto a table, Wayne, I think my ass is bruised. Look!”

“Ain’t nobody wanna see those pale cheeks, boy, pull those pants up!”

It was around 8:30 when Eddie pulled up to Dottie’s house, parking his van in the driveway just outside of the closed garage. James was already awake as evidenced by the open living room windows; he was a light sleeper and his body was so used to waking up early for work during the week that he hadn’t known what a lie-in looked like since he was in his early 20s. The teens had stopped at a bakery on their way to the house, planning to have breakfast together and maybe spend a little time away from the trailer so Wayne could have a well deserved sleep without being disturbed by their loud chatter. At the looming sight of her own house however, Dottie couldn’t get her legs to move to hoist herself out of the van. Eddie circled around to get to her side, bakery bag swinging from his fingers as he opened her door and waited for her to get out, always a gentleman.

“Okay, what’s wrong? Want me to go home so you can talk to your Dad alone?” he asked, tapping on her knee to get her attention.

He’d barely been able to look away from her while he drove, mesmerized by the fact that she was just calmly sitting next to him, in his clothes, browsing through his tapes, mumbling the lyrics to whatever Black Sabbath song was playing from his radio. She had swapped her borrowed boxers for a pair of Eddie's old sweatpants that barely reached his ankles anymore; they were too long for her and he'd rolled them up for her so she wouldn't trip when she walked, her cute kitten heels barely visible under the surplus of soft dark blue fabric. Dottie interlaced their fingers, stalling until she felt like she could finally face her Dad and tell him she’d gone all Rocky Balboa on some dude’s face.

“He’s gonna kill me,” she muttered; Eddie didn’t have to ask what she meant.

“No, he’s not. You defended yourself, it’s not like you went after the guy while he was distracted. It’s gonna be okay, I promise,” he reassured her, slotting between her legs to give her a one-armed hug.

“Please don’t go.”

“I won’t. I’m gonna be there for backup the entire time, okay?”

“...Okay.”

“Okay! Good. Wanna get out of the van now so I can give you a kiss before your Dad catches us out here like two idiots?”

Laughing softly, Dottie finally let herself drop from her seat and let him lock the van before he sneaked a hand around her waist and pushed her into himself, kissing her temple first, and then her lips. She sighed, content to be safe in his arms where no one was mad or upset for a little longer.

“Good morning, darling,” Eddie muttered against her mouth.

“Good morning, Ed,” Dottie replied, squeezing him once before letting him go and making her way towards her front door, wringing her hands nervously.

The house was so quiet it might as well have been empty, but the curtains moving softly in the breeze coming in from the opened windows were inviting and cozy, the air heavy with the scent of coffee and upcoming rain. Dottie took off her heels, leaving them against the entrance table in the foyer before hanging her purse from a hook next to the door and heading towards the kitchen. Eddie followed without hurry, the bag filled with warm baked goods crinkling with the movement. As they approached, they could hear soft noises coming from the coffee machine mingling with James’ voice, calm frustration noticeable in his tone.

“Dad?” Dottie called.

“I’m in the kitchen! No, Dad, I’m talking to Dot. Yes it’s still leaking! Yes, I know how to- you don’t have to tell me again, I’ve done it a million times before,” James looked up from where he was crouching under the kitchen sink and saw the kids enter, confusion painting his face as he took in his daughter’s appearance.

“I need to talk to you,” she said, not wanting to delay the moment any longer.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I just… I really need to talk to you. Like, right now.”

“Uh, Dad? Yeah, I’m gonna have to call you back, okay? Uh-huh. Yes, I’ll tell her you love her-”

“I love him too,” Dottie said, a small smile pulling at the corner of her lips at the thought of her Grandpa Ken on the other side of the phone.

“She says she loves you too. Okay, talk to you later. Bye-bye,” James hung up and eyed Eddie curiously before turning back to his daughter. “What happened to your dress?”

“Someone spilled beer on me. We washed it last night but I think we probably should wash it again,” she lifted her hand, the one that wasn’t injured, a plastic bag containing her clothes dangling from her wrist. “Eddie gave me some of his clothes so I could take a shower.”

“I can see that. You stayed over at Eddie’s?” James crossed his arms, face carefully schooled into a stoic mask.

“I’m sorry I lied. I was upset and I didn’t want you to feel like you had to come pick me up,” Dottie pulled at the hem of her Garfield shirt.

“Did you get into a fight with Jeff?”

“Not exactly, no.”

“Okay. What does that mean?”

“I got into a fight, just not with Jeff,” she moved her other hand from where she was hiding it behind her back letting her Dad see the gauze.

“Dorothy, what did you do?”

“I… I punched a guy in the face at the party?” she grimaced.

“Dorothy.”

“He deserved it,” Eddie said, pulling James’ attention to himself. “That guy, he’s- well, he’s a bully, sir. Him and his friends were shoving us, and he was saying all these nasty things-”

“Eddie, I appreciate you trying to defend my daughter right now but getting into a fight and hitting someone isn’t how you deal with things.”

“I know that, but that asshole- sorry, that guy isn’t someone you can reason with. He’s a jock, he’s been bullying us for years. He had it coming,” Eddie explained. “He’s a racist, sexist piece of trash that thinks he can get away with everything he does because he’s popular and has money.”

“I get that, trust me, I do but-”

“He called me a whore,” Dottie said, silencing them both. “He has it out for me because I told him to stop bullying my friends or else I’d tell our Spanish teacher he cheated on a test, so he said I was a slut in front of everyone to make me look bad. He would have hit me and Nancy if one of his friends didn’t tell him to back off.”

“He threatened to hit you?” James’ eyebrows rose.

“He raised his hand at us. His friends pulled him away before he could do it.”

“He also emptied an entire beer can on her head,” Eddie added, jaw tight.

“And he pulled Eddie’s hair and pushed him into a table,” she ended the story, eyes glued to the floor.

“Well, in that case… fuck that guy,” James scoffed. “Who is this kid?”

“His name’s Andy, he’s on the basketball team,” Dottie said, but Eddie was way ahead of her.

“He’s Carson Humphrey’s son.”

“Of course he’s Carson’s boy,” James turned to Eddie. “I see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“You know his Dad?” his daughter asked, curious about this turn of events.

“Everyone knew Carson back then. Popular, had money, shoved everyone into a locker if we looked at his girl wrong. Can’t believe Adelaine married that asshole.”

“He’s still a piece of shit,” Eddie said. “He’s one of the suits at the plant my Uncle works at. Wayne hates him, says he’s always treating everyone like trash.”

“That really does not surprise me.”

There was a moment of silence that passed between all three of them before James moved to get a mug from one of the cabinets. He filled it with coffee, stirring one spoonful of sugar into the dark liquid, and turned to the teens who were still standing on the other side of the island, awaiting judgment to pass upon them.

“You two had breakfast?” he asked, taking a sip.

“No, we left as soon as we could. Wayne worked last night and we didn’t want to disturb him,” Dottie said, wondering why she wasn’t grounded yet. “Am I… Are you mad at me?”

“Come here,” James said, opening his arm so she could tuck herself into his side. “Am I happy you got into a fight? No, I’m not. But you stood up for yourself and your friends, and I am proud of you for that.”

“You are?”

“Of course I am, honey. I’m proud you didn’t take his shit lying down,” he sighed. “Just… don’t lie to me again, okay? You could have told me hey Dad, I’m gonna stay over at Eddie’s, I’m upset and I don’t want you to pick me up and I would have respected that. You know I would have. I know you’re old enough to do whatever you want and I can’t stop you from doing that, but what if something had happened, huh? What if there was an emergency and I couldn’t find you? It’s just you and me, Dot, you gotta help me out here a little bit.”

“I’m sorry. I promise you I was safe, we stayed at Eddie’s all night. Mom’s dress was gross and I was so upset, I just… I don’t know. I didn’t want you to see me like that,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay, honey. Nothing a good wash can’t fix,” James muttered into her hair. “Ed?”

“Y-yes, sir?” he looked awkward as hell, avoiding staring at them while they shared a tender father-daughter moment.

“You want some coffee?” the older man asked, but Eddie understood what he really meant to say. Thank you for being there for my daughter when she needed you.

“I’d love coffee, thanks. We, uh- We got donuts on our way over if you want some.” Thank you for letting me be there for your daughter; here’s a peace offering.

“Which kind?”

“A dozen. Half glazed, half with jelly,” he smiled.

“Atta boy,” James grinned at him, and the tension in the kitchen dissolved to nothing.

After breakfast, Eddie helped James fix the leaky sink in the kitchen while Dottie put a new load in the washing machine, her Mom’s baby blue shift dress finally on its way to normalcy. From the laundry room next to the kitchen she could hear what were possibly the two most important men in her life talking like they were family, and in a way, she supposed they were. Whether Eddie and her stayed together forever or not following recent developments, she knew he would always occupy a big space in her life, and she was grateful that her Dad was so accepting of him. Once Eddie had left, she’d most likely have to give James a full rundown of what had happened at the party and how she’d ended up at his trailer instead of going to Jeff’s house, but she wasn’t afraid of him getting mad at her anymore.

Officially not in trouble, the teens retreated to her bedroom to hang out while James finished up his morning routine. He came out of the bathroom after a shower, dressed up in his cozy Sunday clothes fully intending on going downstairs and lounge around until lunchtime when he walked past Dottie’s room, the silence coming from behind her almost closed white door startling him. He’d heard them talking animatedly all morning, had Eddie left already while he was in the shower? Peeking inside, he saw the two teens asleep on top of the comforter, Eddie spread out like a starfish and Dottie curled into a ball next to him, her pillow on the verge of falling to the floor. James watched his daughter turn in her sleep towards her friend, the soft cushion finally hitting the rug with a barely audible thud, her head perching on Eddie’s arm and her hand resting on his chest. He would have laughed at how her sleep-addled body had betrayed her if he hadn’t seen Eddie shift to accommodate her new position better, turning onto his side to drape an arm around her middle and pulling her to him, his leg tangling with hers. He snored once as he settled and they both carried on sleeping like nothing had changed, but James knew without anyone having to tell him, that everything was different.

With the heavy heart of a Dad watching his little girl slip away from his fingers in order to grow up into the wonderful woman he knew she’d become one day, he closed her door again and headed downstairs, trusting that the boy who held her like she was precious cargo when he was unconscious would do exactly the same while they were awake.

Monday, June 2nd - 1986

“So is it true? Did you really break Andy’s nose?”

“For fuck’s sake, Fred, I think people in Indianapolis couldn’t hear you. Wanna ask a little louder?”

By lunchtime, Dottie was already tired of people coming up to her and asking about Andy while the boys in Hellfire were having a lot of fun scaring nosy students away. Nobody was denying the general story - how could they when half of their senior class had seen the fight go down - but as the rumor spread like wildfire, the specifics of it all were becoming more and more convoluted. Some said she had punched him because Andy had tried to slip a roofie into her drink, others said that she hit him during a lover’s quarrel, and her personal favorite was that she’d actually been upset over him getting a better grade on a Spanish test than she did and went psycho on him. Her friends were stuck to her like velcro, arguing that they were worried that someone in the basketball team would try to retaliate but it quickly became evident that they were keeping their distance when during her AP Spanish class on third period, Andy sat as far away from her as possible, a butterfly bandage decorating the bridge of his nose.

Nancy told her one class later during AP Research that Andy’s nose hadn’t actually been broken, but that he was probably still going to be sporting the white bandage and a purple eye during his prom pictures. The damage was superficial, which is why the basketball team was so willing to pretend like it hadn’t happened, particularly after their teammate had been so ready to punch two girls much smaller than him in front of their entire year over what seemed to be a mere misunderstanding. Much to their chagrin, their need to protect one of their friend’s girlfriends was very unneeded, as evidenced by the fact that Chrissy greeted both Dottie and Eddie with hugs and big smiles in the hallway when they crossed paths. No one wanted to fight the freaks on Chrissy’s behalf if she wasn’t going to play her role as the damsel in distress.

“Get lost, Benson, we’re trying to have lunch in peace,” Gareth told him, shooing him away with his hand like Fred was a bothersome fly.

“Good luck I wasn’t talking to you then, Coleman,” Fred said, turning again towards Dottie. “Come on, Dot, aren’t we friends? Just tell me what happened, Nancy won’t say shit.”

“You’ve never called me Dot in like the three months I’ve known you,” she said, pointing at him with her lettuce-filled fork.

“No time like today to start, huh? So why did you do it? Did he really try to feel you up?”

“That’s a new one, hadn’t heard it yet,” Dottie looked at Jeff across the table from her and he snorted. “I hit him because he was being rude, kinda like you are being right now.”

“You’re absolutely no fun, did you know that?”

“I’ve been told. Now scram before I punch you too,” she smiled at him sweetly.

“You’re spending too much time with the weirdos. Drop by the newsroom before you leave, got your final stack,” Fred said, finally relenting and going back to his table.

“Okay, I know you’re upset about it but you gotta admit that punching a jock on the nose is a really cool story,” Dustin laughed. “Best part is that he can’t even do anything about it because he’s too embarrassed everyone saw him getting hit by a girl half his size.”

“Yeah, that’s… not the pick-me-up you think it is, Dus,” Dottie sighed. “I’m just tired everyone keeps trying to talk to me about it.”

“Look, you’re only gonna have to deal with it for two more weeks and then you’re out of here forever,” Mike said. “No one will care anymore after the holidays start.”

“Speaking of being free from this hellhole,” Donny said, tapping the table excitedly. “Are we still on about the summer jobs thing?”

“Absolutely, yes,” she nodded. “I wanna save up as much as I can before Michigan.”

“You two getting summer jobs?” Jeff asked, curiously.

“She’s gonna cover for my sister while she’s on her pregnancy leave,” Donny explained.

“Aw, man, you two are gonna work together?” Gareth complained. “My Mom got me a job at the fucking supermarket, one of her aerobics class friends is a manager or some shit like that.”

“You gonna be a cashier?” Jeff said, laughing when Gareth nodded. “You can barely do basic Math, who’s the fuck is trusting you with money?”

“Shut the fuck up,” he threw his straw at his friend.

“What are you gonna do, Jeff?” Mike asked.

“Dunno yet, might walk some dogs again to get some cash before college.”

“Aren’t you allergic to fur?” Dustin frowned.

“Cats.”

“Ah.”

“Does anyone know what Eddie’s gonna do?” Donny wondered.

“What do you mean what’s he gonna do? He already has a gig,” Gareth said, mouth full of mushy carrots.

“You really think he’s gonna keep selling weed after graduation?” Jeff said. “I bet he’s gonna ask Dave for a job or something.”

“Who’s Dave?” Dottie asked.

“He owns The Hideout. He’s known Eddie for years, and he’s always saying he needs a bartender. I think Ed’d be good at it.”

“Who knows. Doesn’t seem like he’s too interested in a job anyways,” Gareth shrugged, but Dottie knew that wasn’t true.

As the conversation kept going and Dustin talked about his summer camp and being reunited with his girlfriend, Dottie stared at Eddie’s empty chair at the head of their table and wondered how they were going to navigate the changes in their relationship if they were both about to have completely different schedules.

“I’m telling you, Chris, it was something straight out of a fucking movie.”

“It sounds like it!”

Eddie and Chrissy were hanging out in the woods, enjoying what was probably going to be their last time together at their spot. Hellfire was officially on hiatus and cheer practice had ended last week, so there were no more reasons for them to stay after school on Friday evenings, and thus no more secret smoking sessions would ensue. Still, when Eddie opened his locker to find Chrissy’s note asking if he wanted to have lunch with her at their table, he took the opportunity to update her future Maid of Honor-Best Woman-Whatever That Shit Was Called on his developing love life. Yes, he wasn’t actually supposed to be telling anyone what had transpired after they’d left the party, but he figured that letting Chrissy know wouldn’t be too bad considering how much help she’d been providing to him all along.

“I’m really proud of you, Eddie,” she said, pushing a cherry tomato around her little Tupperware container. He’d noticed she wasn’t really eating but didn’t say anything about it; maybe she didn’t like the salad her Mom had packed for her. “You put yourself out there even if it was scary, you set goals and worked hard to achieve them, and now you’re about to graduate while dating the girl of your dreams. You must feel so relieved everything turned out great.”

“Actually, it feels weird,” he admitted. “Like, all this time I was psyching myself for it, y’know? And I thought it was gonna be this huge thing once it happened, and it was! But… I feel, I don’t know, calm? Like for once in my life I’m not just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“That’s great. I’m happy she makes you happy. I’m happy you’re both happy!” she smiled, reaching across the table to grab his hand. “You’re really cute together, and you deserve to feel loved.”

“Yeah,” he laughed, a little out of breath. Dottie loved him. Dottie loved him. That was gonna take some time to get used to. “Anyway, enough about me being a fucking softie. What’s going on with you? What happened after we left?”

“Nothing much,” Chrissy shrugged. “People kinda went back to their own stuff, it was pretty normal. Jason and I got into a fight on Sunday though.”

“I’m sorry. Did we-”

“No, no, it’s okay. He was being an idiot,” she rolled her eyes. “Everything is fine now. He was… well, he asked me if there was anything going on between us.”

“What? Us as in like, you and me?”

“I know, right? So weird. Apparently Andy told him you were, like… being a perv about me at the party?”

“Fuckin’ Andy, man.”

“You can say that again. But really, it’s fine now. He calmed down after I told him I had it on good authority that you liked Dottie.”

“You told Jason Carver I had a crush on Dot?”

“No, I told Jason Nancy told me you had a crush on Dot,” she giggled. “He didn’t ask anything else after that. Every time I bring up girly gossip in front of him he mentally checks out.”

“Yeah, no, that seems reasonable. No sane man likes girly gossip.”

“You love girly gossip.”

“Who said I was sane, sweetheart?” Eddie grinned.

“Ugh, I’m gonna miss this! I’m gonna miss you!” Chrissy groaned. “My Mom’s gonna be looking at me like a hawk all summer.”

“Lie to her and come hang out with us. We’re probably gonna be at the lake most of the time, it’s hot as hell and none of us has a pool,” he said, munching on his last bit of sandwich.

“I’d love to go but I don’t wanna say yes and then flake out on you. She’s… overbearing when she wants to be. And I need to start training for the preseason so she’s gonna be on my ass all the time. She already ordered my new uniform, she’s insane,” she let her head fall onto her arms.

“I bet Dot can help you out with that. She won’t suspect too much if you’re going out with another girl, right?”

“Maybe,” Chrissy said, not putting too much faith into the idea. “I need to figure something out though because I think I might freak out if I can’t smoke anymore.”

“Actually, I kinda wanted to talk to you about that,” Eddie scratched his neck awkwardly. “I’m not gonna sell anymore after graduation.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“I don’t want Callahan to bust me again now that I’m 20. Hopper didn’t give two shits about it but that asshole is gonna tell Chief Powell, and I think he hates me,” he crossed his arms over his chest. “But I can give you the number of this guy I know, I’m gonna buy from him too probably.”

“Okay, that sounds good. Can we, like, buy together though? At least the first time. Until I know he’s not, y’know, a murderer or something,” she laughed nervously.

“Yeah, we can go together,” he smiled. “Can’t go until a week after graduation though. Gotta take a pee test and I don’t wanna risk it.”

“What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“No, I… I’m applying for a job.”

“Are you serious?” Chrissy beamed at him.

“Yeah! But I don’t wanna jinx it, so don’t ask me anything about it until it’s a done deal,” he said, lifting a finger at her in warning.

“Okay, okay, I won’t. But that’s so exciting, Eddie, oh my god!” she got up from her seat and went to hug him. “Look at you, being all grown up and stuff! Who are you and what did you do to my Eddie?”

“I’m still here, haven’t gone anywhere,” he smiled, leaning into the hug. “Just decided to stop dicking around for once.”

It occurred to Eddie, once he was sitting in his English Lit class after lunch, that he owed much of his recent maturity to the girl sitting next to him. Dottie was playing with the rings on his fingers as they relaxed at the back of the classroom, a boring movie playing during their last period to fill up time while their teacher tried to finish grading all the finals she had in front of her. He pulled her hand up to his mouth silently, not wanting to attract any attention towards them, but no one cared. Half of the class was asleep anyway. He kissed her injured knuckles over the colorful band aids he’d gotten for her, and she smiled at him, eyes soft and heart soaring.

“Thank you,” he muttered; she looked at him inquisitively but he didn’t say more.

When his lips pressed to the inside of her wrist, she understood what he had meant: thank you for believing in me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being here. And when they were finally alone, hiding away in what was now known as their clearing at the edge of the lake, he told her he believed he couldn’t have gotten to where he was without her and she replied that all she’d done was to simply return what he’d given to her since the day they’d met, which was kindness, understanding, and above all, a whole lot of love.

taglist (comment below or send me an ask if you want to be added!): @munsonology @kurdtbean @every1lovesanunderdog @eg-dr3amer3

[f1-disaster-bi]

Tag game lunch break spree!!!

Thank you my dearest @rosetinted--clouds for the tag (I hope your LOTR spiral is going well 😂)

1. do you make your own bed?

Yep. I turn into a monster because I make making the bed fun by getting in side the sheets when changing the duvet cover 😂

2. favorite number?

7 or 13

3. what’s your job?

I am a PhD research student full time, and I also work as a teaching assistant running tutorials during the semester for the undergraduates.

4. if you could go back to school, would you?

Once I am done with this PhD in another (hopefully) two years, thats it for me. No more degrees. No more school expcept for working in a university

5. can you parallel park?

Nope. Not a hope. I cannot do it. I can reverse into a spot but I cannot parallel park.

6. do you think aliens are real?

Aliens and Ghosts. 100% I believe they're out there somewhere. Probably laughing at us.

7. can you drive a manual car?

Yep. It's the only car type I've ever driven. I love my little Micra.

8. guilty pleasure?

I love Drag Race. I will binge seasons I've seen multiple times. I know the lyrics to most of the songs written for the show and the musicals.

And yes I'm still mad over certain choices and decisions in the show.

9. tattoos?

I currenty have four. I got my latest in January. I have one on the back of my right leg above my heel (it's a marching tatt with my mam), and the rest are on my arms (left forearm, left inner bicep, back of right bicep)

And my sister and I are planning on matching tattoo's next time I'm in Ireland.

10. favorite color?

Green. I love dark greens, and like olive greens.

It used to be blue or red but I love green.

11. favorite type of music?

Honestly.....I sound like an asshole saying this, but I don't have a favourite type.

I will basically listen to every genre, and I have playlists that reflect that. I will mix and match genres. I can go from broadyway to grunge to country to pop to folk music to orchestra's to piano pieces.

12. do you like puzzles?

I love them. I used to get puzzles for Christmas every year and loved spending time doing them.

13. favorite childhood sport?

Swimming was my main one. I even competed on a swim team.

14. do you talk to yourself?

I talk and sing to myself the whole time, especially while living in Prague because I can go a day or two without physically talking to people so I talk to myself.

15. tea or coffee?

Tea.

Always tea.

I can only drink iced frappes, and even then I normally irder them without the coffee 😂

16. first thing you wanted to be when you were growing up?

I wanted to be an archealogist and then a vet. I was a strange kid.

17. what movies do you adore?

I have so many movies I adore and rewatch for comfort. One's that come to mind right now are like Jaws, LOTR, Mulan, Howls Moving Castle, Wild Child, Legally Blonde, Interview with The Vampire, Lost Boys, and so so many more

second tag game - 5 songs you have on repeat

Wilkommen - Alan Cummings (cast of Cabaret 1998)

Moments Silence - Hozier

Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS

People are Strange - The Doors

Under the Water - The Pretty Reckless

I will tag my usual suspects @f1-birb, @wolfsbanesbite, @faerieroyal, @geooooooorge, but no pressure to do this!

And if anyone wants to do it and tag me, then feel free to ❤️

[idleglowingpixels]

October-December 2024 Updates - XXY, Monster High & More!

Me when I remember I have a Tumblr & AO3 I wanted to run on a regular basis, but haven't done anything with either for roughly 3 months:

ANYWAY hi, I am back on Tumblr (and soon, AO3) to drop some MAJOR updates regarding what I've been up to in my absence, my WIP fanfics, upcoming fandom stuff (mainly art but also some general theory/headcanon/etc. posts), and generally what I'm up to for the rest of this year!

Lin! Where Have You Been, Loca?!

I've been doing a lot behind the scenes! During the spring and summer, I've been working on a script for a personal project of mine. All of my writing time had been committed to it -- I've got over 400 pages of script done since March 2023! I met some new friends and reconnected with old friends too, this summer was very social for me.

I'm currently attending my first semester of college (FINALLY), and it's going well! The adjustment period was very long and tiresome, but I feel a lot better about being on top of my schoolwork and keeping things balanced. Now if only my sleep could enter the equation...

Since August started, I haven't written much at all because I was taking part in a college summer program. I wanted to have at least one chapter and/or oneshot fic completed by October, and thankfully I've manage to achieve that! It's been genuinely refreshing to return to my fanfics, and they make me wish I didn't have to be away from them for as long as I did. There's also just been so many different franchises that I've re-entered obsessions with, and would love to share with all of you. So without further ado, let's get to it!

XXY - Chapters 8-14

I have officially completed the first drafts of all 7 upcoming chapters! Editing doesn't take me very long to do, and now that I'm better adjusted to my school/work/life balance, I've been able to manage my time a little better.

To all of you who have been waiting for new chapters since Chapter 7 released, I'm so sorry for making you wait! I honestly don't know how the time from last August to now went by so fast. I still check my email regularly and seeing support from old & new fans of the fic during its extended hiatus has really helped me get back into the swing of things.

To celebrate the occasion, I wanted to provide the names of the next batch of chapters, as well as their release dates. These release dates are final, and will only be changed under extreme circumstances (WHICH WON'T HAPPEN WORLD ISTG--!!!) or if I accidentally forget what day it is (which has happened before), and in that case it'll be posted within 1-2 days after the release dates I've listed below.

Chapter 8: Gladiolus - December 7th, 2024 Chapter 9: Hyacinth - January 7th, 2025 Chapter 10: Spearmint - February 7th, 2025 Chapter 11: Coriander - March 7th, 2025 Chapter 12: Hibiscus - April 8th, 2025 Chapter 13: Violet - May 7th, 2025 Chapter 14: Jasmine Tobacco (INTERMISSION) - June 7th, 2025

Per my Monster High fics, I will also be releasing cover art for Chapters 1-7 (since I didn't get to before) throughout November, leading up to Chapter 8's release. From Ch. 8 onward, cover art for the chapters will be released the same day & on the same update posts as their respective chapters. I hope you'll be looking forward to what I have in store!

Monster High AU Updates

My Monster High AU is back from the dead with plenty of goodies this October! This year I was planning to write, draw & release a lot more for the AU, but since I haven't been able to, I wanted to make up for it during Spooky Month.

I don't have definitive release dates for this, but I have plenty of stuff I want to share, so here's a list of everything I plan on releasing throughout the next few months:

Updated Character Art & Bios: Frankie, Draculaura, Clawdeen, Cleo & Lagoona (Fun fact, I'd had everyone but Cleo done all the way back in 2022, which is why the art style differed so much from more recent drawings I'd posted!)

NEW Character Art & Bios: Clawd Wolf, Howleen Wolf, the Timberwolfs (3 characters), & a surprise character!

NEW One-Shot (With Cover Art): Taking A Lycan To New Salem

NEW Art -- Two pictures from the text conversations in Trapped By The Rain

My original plan after the main 5 ghouls was to create & release the bios of the main mansters (Deuce, Heath, Jackson/Holt, etc.), but in light of the upcoming fic release, I wanted to shift my attention to Clawdeen's siblings and the rest of their pack first. I've spent a lot of time developing them, and a couple of these characters are from G2 & G3 who I've altered to fit into my AU as seamlessly as possible! After these bios release, I do intend on returning to my versions of the mansters, as well as rounding out the rest of the lead ghouls in the ensemble cast (Including (but not limited to) Ghoulia, Abbey, Twyla and Torelai).

Since my scripts are wrapped up for the most part, I do plan on having more frequent fanfic updates for the AU in the forseeable future. How frequent? I have no idea! But I'm absolutely making this AU update much more than once a year.

Gravity Falls -- Billtober & Upcoming Fanfiction!

That's right, one of my all-time favorite TV series has re-entered my mind and I cannot contain it! Believe it or not, before XXY AND my Monster High AU, I had been planning to debut on AO3 with a Gravity Falls fanfiction.

With all that The Book Of Bill & thisisnotawebsite.com have given us lore-wise, I've had a new and revitalized version of that old fanfic idea (Name TBD). Unfortunately, due to the lack of attention I've been giving the aforementioned stories I've been working on over the last couple of years -- and because I want to release chapters once the fic is completed -- I don't (and won't) have much, if anything, to report on it in the upcoming months.

To satiate my need to make something for the show, I decided to take up the Billtober challenge created by @dailybill-cipher ! I'll be working on my sketches sporadically over the next month or so, and will post 7-8 doodles for every week that I finish. Again, this will be sporadic, so I will post whenever I have completed my personal quota!

I also have an old OC for the series I made back in high school who was in DESPERATE need for some upgrades, and whenever I finish a drawing for him, I can't wait to share his design! He'll be in my fic, but only really at the beginning and end, with an appearance here or there as the plot demands it (which is not much).

Miscellaneous

I have a Miraculous Ladybug rewrite fic in the works, whose notes have been collecting dust on my cork board, but it's something I intend to begin working on again in the next year or so. I despised S5's ending, and therefore, will not be continuing to view the series proper. I stopped at S5, so anything that has released for it after S5's finale, excluding the movie (I forgot if it released before or after the finale), I haven't seen. And I don't intend to see (I'm allowing exceptions for what I've seen already, because I need to research for my fic). But I'm really looking forward to returning to this old draft and rejuvenating it!

I may do some art for Five Nights At Freddy's in the near future? Nothing guaranteed, but I do love the franchise, so it's not like I won't talk about it ever lol. Also, I was gifted a copy of The Week Before, which besides my movie poster is my only FNAF merchandise, and OOOOOOOOOOH BOY AM I EXCITED TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT AND EVENTUALLY LET MY RAMBLES ESCAPE MY DRAFTS.

Sonic The Hedgehog 3 is dropping in December...And I will make it everyone's problem (/j). I'm highly anticipating this one, the trailers make it look great!

Ending Notes

For now, these are the main projects that I'm working on. I'm be working really hard to be better at consistent updates and such, so hopefully I won't be away as long as I was unannounced.

As always, thank you to my readers, old and new, for being patient with me. It really is appreciated and helps me continue these stories!

[manta-ray-space]

I'm in a very "question my diagnosis" mood but I don't see my therapist until next week. Just like, I don't think I've experienced a manic or hypomanic episode in years and even when I was experiencing those types of episodes, I wonder if it was related more to the psychosis and disorganized thinking than actual mania. There are also some things I experience that seem different from schizoaffective disorder, but it's hard because I don't really remember my childhood much and I am not a professional and I just can't tell the difference between schizoaffective symptoms and symptoms of other things. I don't even really know what I would have if not schizoaffective. My mom says I probably have ADHD traits? I don't know, it's just confusing. I wish I could get a whole assessment done to rule things out, my psychiatrist even said once that we should rule out autism because it was something I asked about once. But then it went nowhere, I never got a referral to anyone or anyplace. I'm also convinced that if I ACTUALY had autism or ADHD, then it would have been noticed much earlier. Even though I KNOW that there are lots of people who are diagnosed late and I mask my symptoms (even the psychosis ones) a lot and I was raised female. Which make it more likely that I went under adults' radars. (I mean, nobody noticed my psychosis was as bad as it was in high school. Not my teachers, not my parents, my friends barely even knew.)

Obviously I'm still taking all my meds and everything. I'm just questioning my diagnosis a bit. And I know that they are just diagnostic labels and don't change who I am, but I wonder how different my treatment plan would be if I had something else, or something along with schizoaffective.

[cordria]

I work in a school-adjacent field right now, so my job is tied to the school year. I've worked there for about a year, and my contract is up. Had to schedule a meeting with the boss, where I'd either be offered another year-long contract or be released.

I really really wanted another contract. I like this job, it has health insurance for my kids, I get paid really well, and it offers superb vacation time. Me - being me - overthought the hell out of it. I spent weeks curating data as to why I should be retained for another year. I had spreadsheets. I had presentations. I had data at my fingertips for any eventuality.

New contract was the ultimate goal. I was going to ask for a 1-2% raise, depending on how the meeting went, but I was perfectly fine with nothing.

Head into the meeting, and it doesn't take more than a few minutes to realize something is very amiss...

He's got zero desire to look at my data. No asking questions about what I'd been doing. Nothing. He's just... talking about his company. His plans for its future. How I fit into those plans.

And I realize - he's got zero plans on releasing me. He's talking to me about the reasons why I shouldn't leave. Why I shouldn't allow myself to be poached.

Mentally, I sorta check out of the meeting because I hadn't prepared for this. I can't ask for a 2% raise. I'll look like I don't know my worth, and that can be a death-knell for a woman. You'll never again get a great contract if male bosses think you don't know what you're worth and can't stand up for it. I need to be at 3-5% above COLA. And I just saw the COLA numbers, but I can't for the life of me remember them! COLA coulda been anywhere between 1% and like maybe 7%. I can't just guess.

Boss just keeps talking while I'm scrambling. Barely paying attention to him and answering on autopilot. And then he takes a tangent that drags my mind off of numbers. Asks me about my supervisor.

My supervisor is... nice. You know those teachers in school where the system worked well for them, and they like the system, and they can't imagine the system doesn't work for someone else? Those teachers where, if the system isn't serving you, the only logical reason for that is lack of effort on your part? Yeah, she's one of those.

My job is literally to challenge those systems. She's nice, but we butt heads a lot because she doesn't see why I'm so set on changing something that works so well, no matter how many ways I've tried to explain it to her or what research I've handed her.

I'm trying to pussy-foot my way around answering the questions from my boss. I can't throw her under a bus - especially since she's one of the nicest, most generous people at this office - but I also am trying to be honest. She's throwing a monkey wrench in what I'm doing. She's making my work harder, and it's already hard since schools and teachers hate listening to 'your old way of doing things isn't working so well'. So I've totally lost track of trying to figure out COLA. Talking through this puzzle is taking up my brain.

I musta done fine, because eventually he pulls out my contract. Tells me I'm embodying the future of what he wants my department to be. Says he'd like to put me on 'management track'. Preferably to take over my supervisor's position at this point next year. More responsibility. Trying out 'mentoring' some of the other staff I work with.

I'm... not sure how I feel about that. I've never been in the 'boss' track, other than some random shift-lead positions at fast food joints. I'm not exactly management material. I'm one of those people who do best when given a gentle nudge in the direction you'd like me to travel, give me free rein to implement data and research, and stand back to watch the positive chaos unfold. That actually seems like the thing boss likes about me best.

He offered me a good raise. I was very off-foot and didn't argue with it, but probably should have. Looked it up - was 5% above local COLA, so I'm happy. Reasonable contract, but I probably could've snagged another 2-3% for this management track nonsense had my brain been wired right. So I signed it, handed it back.

Now I got 'leadership' training four days over the next two weeks as I learn more about this management track he's wanting me on. I figure it if doesn't work out of me, I can always just say so. Then he can choose to keep me in a regular position or release me at the end of this contract. If nothing else, I'm staring at a binder full of data that I wasted a lot of time on that shows why someone else might want to hire me.

Might as well give this mess a try - right?