#also black knight is called Burger King

[thebluemouse]

Local buff man is getting his ass kicked by McDonald’s

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Timekeeper's assistants AU

Alright y'all! This is gonna be my info dump post for the Timekeepers assistant Au- buckle up cause it's gonna be a long one!

Inspired by @queendibz post here

The entire purpose of the assistant squad is to keep all the time lines running smoothly- this can range from stopping a world ending event to making sure things misplaced by natural ghost portals get put back into the right time and place.

So First up on the crew list,

Dan:

-Dan definitely isn't a homicidal maniac anymore but he's not 100 percent "redeemed" either.

-I mean he's probably still a bit of sadist but he tries not to be?

-The best description I can give is that he's in recovery, basically.

-So, Clockwork knew that Dan would eventually bust out of the thermos just because it wasn't built to hold a ghost of his power level for a prolonged period of time. But beyond that?? He has no idea about anything in regards to Dan. Since Dan's creation was averted, his timeline doesn't exist anymore. He's a paradox that exists outside of time, and unfortunately, that means he's the one entity in the multiverse that exists in Clockwork's blindspot. There's no way for him to know what Dan's going to do next.

-Anyway, Dan eventually breaks out of the thermos fully intending to Fuck Shit Up, And Clockwork makes a point of informing him that if he leaves the clock tower he will cease to exist. (Like Dan, the tower exists outside of time, so he's safe there.)

-Dan is the first member of the assistant squad. Granted, it took a while for him to come around to the idea of helping Clockwork but he got there eventually.

-Dan is an entity that was born out of the rage and grief of two very broken people and he has so much shit he's working through as a result

-One of the first things he had to do was recognize and accept that he's an entity that's completely separate from Vlad and Danny. He might have all their memories and the weight of their mistakes on his shoulders, and on top of that, the atrocities he himself committed because of them. The first step is realizing that he doesn't have to be defined by the people that made him.

-It's a really fucking difficult thing to do tho and he's got a lot of weird emotions in regards to Vlad, Danny and the Fentons as a result. A near constant identity crisis, self loathing, daddy issues, something that could arguably be called an Oedipus complex, (FUCKING THANKS, VLAD)

-Cannot stand the smell of fast food, it makes him nauseous and the sight of Nasty Burger sauce alone is enough to make him vomit Ectoplasm.

-He's just a hot mess all around y'all

-He tries to keep his interactions with the Danny's as minimal as possible at first bc of this. The first time he meets them in person he shape shifts into Danny like he did in TUE and just pretends to be one of them. Some of them have had interactions with their respective Dan's already and would be super wary of him and probably pretty freaked out otherwise.

-Dan is eventually allowed to leave the clocktower for supervised "Field missions" with the aid of a time medallion to keep him from poofing out of existence, but it takes a while for clockwork to build up that level of trust.

-Dan's shapeshifting ability Actually comes into play a bit on a lot of those missions, since he can Mimic Danny it also makes sense that he'd be able to impersonate Vlad in the same way. Granted he's not incredibly comfortable taking on either of their appearances but it does help him hone his shapeshifting ability to the point where he's able to pick and choose features from both Vlad and Danny and sorta make his own human disguise.

-Most of the time he acts as the eye in the sky from the tower, monitoring for timeline anomalies and then notifying the appropriate member of the assistant squad.

-He has a room under the clock tower that he operates from. I kinda like the idea of there being like, catacombs down there? Anyway he's got all kinds of monitors and view screens and he very rarely leaves. It also doubles as his "living space." He doesn't need to sleep but he's got a big mess of a pillow fort that he crashes in regardless bc sometimes you just NEED to be unconscious for a while. The catacombs are also absolutely full of those little blob ghosts that wander around the zone bc They're attracted to the ecto energy the tower gives off. He's really annoyed by them at first but they grow on him after a while and now he just dotes on them.

-There's a specific throw pillow sized one that likes to hang out in Dan's room a lot and he ended up getting a little over attached to the stupid thing. His name is Dorian. Bc he's a gift.

-SIR THATS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BLOB

-Dan's appearance has changed slightly. He wears his hair loose now and it's kinda just this big fiery mane when it's not contained. His cape is more of a cloak now, it has a hood and he wears it sorta pinned together at the shoulder so the DP logo is covered.

-Dan's relationship with the rest of the Danny's is kinda weird, and a little strained. He has a hard time being around them for very long because, well, he used to sort of be them? Except not really? He does care about them tho, and the last thing he'd want is for one of them to end up like him.

-His relationship with clockwork definitely starts out pretty familial, after he becomes his assistant, anyway. There's room for that to develop into meddling minutes but I'm not entirely sure if I'm gonna go that route yet.

-The Danny's only ever hear his voice for a while before he finally let's them meet him for real, so they end up calling him Charlie for a while as a joke. Cause Ya know. Charlie's angels. Even after Charlie still ends up being his designated name on missions.

Mer! Danny:

-Was recruited bc a lot of the shit that gets sucked through natural portals ends up in a body of water somewhere and when that happens he's on call to retrieve it.

-Is Actually not at all ghostly! Mer Danny's situation is basically the plot of H2O (just add water), or if you haven't seen that, Aquamarine. And by that I mean he's only a merfolk in water.

-He's an electric eel

-His Jack and Maddie are marine biologists, with a particular interest in marine cryptids

-We're taking sea monsters baby!!!

-Not entirely sure how this Danny ended up half mer yet but I'll figure it out, lmao.

-14 years old

-His nickname/ designation is "Moray"

Crown Prince! Danny:

-Nickname/designation is Prince / Princey

-16 years old

-Not allowed to go anywhere in the zone without the Fright knight bc of some ancient ghost law bullshit, so he has a constant babysitter.

-He's next in line bc he sealed away Pariah, but can't take the throne until he is both, A) at least 18 years and B) Completely deceased

-Vlad is his Regent bc he did have a part in the whole sealing the previous king thing, but he's also not completely dead so his power is super limited there.

-As Prince Danny has the crown of fire in his ghost form, although now the name is kinda ironic seeing as it's completely frozen over. It's blue now and it smokes like dry ice.

-As Regent, Vlad has the ring of rage for "safe keeping"

-Vlad and Danny are pretty much constantly at each other's throats, fright knights probably had to shut down more than a few of Vlad's attempts to usurp the crown from Danny through combat.

-Princey deals with the timeline issues that involve the ghost zones' internal / political affairs, and he's gotten very well versed with dealing with the Observants.

Winged! Danny :

-15 years old

-Mallard duck wings

-His Vlad is a swan

-Comes from a family of waterfowl, Jack is a goose, and Maddie is a white swan. Both he and jazz are ducks bc of their grandparents.

-As Fenton his wings are white, like jazz, and as phantom they turn black with a green iridescent sheen.

-He's trans

-Nickname/ designation is inviso Bill. Bc ducks have bills haha get it-

-Ghostly wail?? Nah son he's gotta killer QUACK

-Absolute besties with Mer!Danny/ Moray, sometimes they go swimming together after a mission.

Clone! Danny:

-Physically he's a 12-year-old, but he's only been alive for a few months.

-Alt universe where Vlad manages to stabilize the perfect clone with his own DNA.

-Dani still exists, and the original danny from his time line also rescued the other problematic clones.

-Doesnt like the fact that he's a clone, and very much wants them all DEAD. Bc them running around is a reminder that he's not the real danny.

-Human half looks the same aside from the widows peak and the mallen streak. His ghost half takes after plasmius. Blue skin, and the Hazmat kept it's original white colors.

-Probably has fangs and a forked tounge.

-Not so much a member of the squad as he is someone that they need to be keeping an eye on.

-Does NOT get along with them.

-Dan enjoys making him uncomfortable.

-Designation is Masters / the brat (not to his face tho)

Family Breakfast AU! Danny:

-A BABY

-The boy is a fucking overpowered todler okay. He's an 8 year old.

-The biological son of his Vlad, was born a Halfa. Jack, Vlad and Maddie got their shit together and are in a healthy poly relationship.

-Got separated from Vlad one time in the zone and inadvertently adopted by the assistant squad and clockwork.

-His Vlad is aware of the squad and just. Dad's the crap out of the Danny's as a result. It makes for some..... interesting interactions.

-I can't think of a nickname so I'm just gonna be lazy and say he gets to be the one Tru Danny bc cute little kind privileges lmao.

Full ghost! Danny:

-15 years old, will always look 14.

-Nickname/designation is Toast

-Died in the portal accident and got fucking FRIED.

-He always smells like somethings burning.

-He's really bright and sorta sparks a bit, you can see his bones glowing through the hazmat.

-He still leave the zone to protect his version of amity, but lives with clockwork full time.

Canon Danny (NOT PHANTOM PLANET COMPLIANT) :

-Basically show Danny, except phantom planet never happened fuck you

-Joined the crew after the events of de stabilized

-Also he's trans fuck butch

-Franken! Danny

-Yall remember that Headless Danny Au? This is my take.

-Is Actually 20 years old, but physically stuck at age 14. Bc he's a walking corpse :)

-Came from a timeline that was directly parallel to Full ghost! Danny. He dies in the portal accident, but jack and Maddie are in the lab when it happens and manage to sort of bring him back using a combination of science and freaky ghost junk.

-So he's basically possessing/ stuck inside of his own dead body. Which, is thankfully not rotting or going into rigor mortis bc Ectoplasm is rather similar to formaldehyde, but he's not the most durable thing and bits and pieces fall off from time to time.

-Like his head. For example.

-He's pretty desensitized to it at this point and if he loses a leg after a ghost fight he doesn't see anything wrong with sitting down on the curb of a main street to stich it back on. His being dead isn't exactly a secret.

-Don't ever ask him to "give you a hand" bc he can and will not hesitate to pop one off and Chuck it at you.

-Said hand and any other body part will continue to function just fine even if it isn't attached to anything, btw.

-Nickname/ designation is Adam. Bc. Ya know. that's the name Frankenstein's monster gave itself.

Post Phantom Planet! Danny:

-A very jaded 22 year old who is driven only by spite and enough caffeine to kill a horse

-Very, very tired of the hero thing.

-Being a global celebrity isn't all it's cracked up to be.

-Decided to follow Vlads lead and fuck off to space for a while. Partially to get away from everyone and also partially bc he kinda feels responsible for the fact that the only other person like him and probably floating DEAD in the void somewhere? And yeah Vlad fucked up all on his own but what if he'd tried harder to get through to him things could have been different-

-Joins the crew after a natural portal opens up in space and decides to help out and use clockworks resources to try and track down his Vlad.

-Nickname/ Designation is Polaris, aka the north star.

[imjustheretoseetheprivateblogs]

BBRAEWEEK 2021 July 26th – Poolside

Getting a pool on top of Titans Tower was honestly not the Sisyphean task Cyborg had expected it to be.

Finding a space in the Justice League and Titans’ schedule when everyone would be free to come to said pool’s christening party? That was an event the Catholic Church would probably erase to make sure their Easter Calendar would fall on the proper time table.

But however they managed it, Cyborg thought, as he flipped another burger onto the grill, the fact that all charter members of both teams were able to attend was a helluva turn out.

Especially considering the party pooper who was standing beneath the griller’s sun umbrella in full bat-regalia, probably trying not to die from heat stroke.

“I got some plastic forks just for you,” Cyborg said.

“It’s not funny anymore,” Batman said, watching as Bart tried and failed to dunk Kiran under the water. The young speedster instead found himself forced underwater by a sneak attack from Donna.

“It’s funny as until you use your hands to eat a burger.”

Batman grunted, shifting out of the grill’s smoke when the wind changed. Note to self, Cyborg thought, invent smoke inhibiting device for grill.

“I hope I don’t have to tell you that pools require maintenance. And showers afterwards.”

“The pool contains a bacteria-eating enzyme that’s safe for contact with the skin,” Said Cyborg, throwing some asparagus on the grill, “Also means that teammates who breathe water don’t have to worry about burning their nose hairs off.”

“That explains why Arthur has just been sitting on the bottom,” Batman said, “but then again, he’s mentioned sleeping in the bathtub more than once, so I thought it was just something he did.”

Cyborg had to laugh at that.

“It also dies on contact with saline. So it’s also environmentally friendly.”

“Did you see Tim put on sunscreen?” Batman said, giving no sign he’d heard the last part (a shame, thought Cyborg, I’d trust him with the patent).

“I think so,” Cyborg replied, “Would you hand me that corn?”

“What about Dick?” Batman asked, handing Cyborg two ears as Superman landed, carrying a king-sized cooler.

“If he’s not wearing sunscreen, he should at least be wearing a hat.”

“Wearing a hat? Man, you’re wearing a cape in July! At the pool!”

“You’re wearing a hat.”

“It’s a chef’s hat. It’s called loosening up. Ever thought of it?”

Batman’s frown deepened, but Cyborg did notice how he wasn’t corrected.

“By the way,” he said, ignoring the Dark Knight’s grimace, “have you seen Gar? He said he had to go get a pool noodle.”

“That was the last time I saw him,” Batman replied, “Raven too.”

Cyborg looked up from the grill.

“Raven’s gone?”

Batman pointed to a lawn chair beneath three beach umbrellas, a book sitting where a girl had once been.

“She was reading Clive Barker’s Imajica when I arrived.”

“Maybe she finished the book,” Cyborg said with a shrug of his cybernetic shoulders.

“That book has 824 pages if it’s a first edition. It would take 21 hours and 39 minutes to finish that book if she read 250 words per minute.”

A scream drew their attention to the pool, only for the tension to drain when it turned out to be just a splash fight between Diana and Billy.

“I can do a search of the tower, if you can give me security clearance and…”

“Found her.”

Walking out of the rooftop entrance, Raven had returned, seemingly unharmed. She made her way past Wally and Hal who were unboxing Super Soakers (no doubt to begin an all-out water war) and sat back down in her shaded chair.

“Any idea where she’s been?” Batman asked.

“Probably in the mystic realm of “not our business,” Cyborg said, flipping a burger onto a bun and handing it to Batman.

“Here. Go see if she wants a bite. She hasn’t…”

Cyborg trailed off before squinting towards the direction where Raven had come.

“What is it?” Batman asked.

“I’ve got a database that says leopard geckos aren’t native to North America. Also, they’re not primarily green and don’t wear Kat Von D Everlasting black Liquid Lipstick. Would you mind bringing that to me?”

With speed and agility only found in most Olympic hurdlers, the Dark Knight had crossed the roof and snatched the lizard from its resting place, returning to his place by the grill.

“I assume that this is actually Beast Boy?” said Batman, holding the gecko by its mid-section.

“Yup.”

The tiny lizard’s form changed, going from reptile to human in the time it took to blink. And he was indeed wearing smeared black lipstick.

“Hey guys,” Beast Boy said, sheepishly, “couldn’t find the pool noodle. Think Star would mind if I used her inner tube?”

“Bats, would you mind giving us some privacy? Young people talk.”

Batman shrugged and headed for the row of chairs where Raven was sitting. Cyborg turned back to Beast Boy, a smirk at the corner of his mouth.

“So, what’s with the make up?”

Beast Boy pointed to his mouth.

“Oh! This! This is just from a black licorice lollipop!”

Beast Boy licked his lips, trying to hide the grimace from the taste of what obviously wasn’t black licorice lollipop.

“Mmmm. Good.”

“Really?” Cyborg said, “because I could swear that I’ve seen Rae wear that exact shade of lipstick. In fact, I think she’s wearing it right now.”

“EVERYONE IN THE POOL!!!!”

With bounds worthy of a gazelle, Beast Boy charged towards the water, leaping gracelessly into the pool.

Cyborg smiled and shook his head before returning to the grill. Maybe he’d throw an extra vegan kabob on for BB to make up for the ribbing.

[doctorslippery]

1d50 Fantasy Rumors

In a bathhouse to the far south, there is a well that grants wishes to those who please the guardian Naiad.

The Lord of a nearby country has set an enormous bounty on the head of a wicked bandit chief. However the old folk whisper the bandit is actually the true King, having been spirited away in the night when he was but a small boy.

The dwarves of the Jarring Peaks only surface mine and refuse to go underground. Something terrible drove them from the deeper mines generations ago, and still rests there today.

A foreign dignitary repeatedly insulted the Governor, however this is because by custom speaking praise of someone invites upon them ill luck. An international incident is looming.

In the Hinterlands, defeating someone in a fair duel entitles you to their lands or their lives. The duels, however, have incredibly complex rules that are nearly impenetrable to outsiders.

In the eastern seaport, the bay is supposedly teaming with mermaids. Dangling your toes off the docks is a sure way to get their attention, for better or worse.

There exists a flower that blooms once a century in the depths of the Sparkleberry Swamp that can cure any illness, no matter how dreadful. A tribe of lizard folk have been protecting the site for countless generations.

The mausoleum in the center of the city’s graveyard refuses to remain sealed, the bricks always burst outward in the night. Nothing, however, has been seen going in or out of it.

The old hag who sells flowers in the market place is in fact a powerful witch, waiting for a prophecy to fulfill itself.

The old orphanage at the edge of town doesn’t house real children, but changelings who were discovered in the crib.

Gert the Butcher once got into regular rows with his brother Bert. Bert vanished a few weeks ago and Gert had a sale on delicious sausages.

During a New Moon, the tides dip low revealing an isthmus connecting to Finnegan’s Atoll. The very best pearls can be found in reefs, it is a race to find them first.

Hjalmar Bjornson defeated the evil conjuror Illhugi and took residence in his tower. Recently, however, dark things have been coming from the tower again.

Cattle has been disappearing recently from local fields, a crime that the thieves’ guild refuses to claim. The town fool claims they are being abducted by invisible creatures for their heinous rituals.

The baron’s daughter is set to marry the heir of a neighboring fiefdom. Her maidservant, however, claims she plans to elope with the captain of the Guard, Providence Blanchard.

The Gleaming Desert gets so hot during the summer months that whole areas melt into glass. A local alchemist thinks if conditions are right a huge and perfect lens could be created.

The White Forest is so called for the strange, color draining sickness that affects the animals within. Farmer Gregor claims, however, to have seen a giant black stag with glowing rainbow antlers.

A pair of river traders have brought a new, powerful and addictive medicine which they initially gave away for free. However prices have risen and addicts have taken to increasingly aggressive acts of robbery to fuel their addictions.

Gloria Haversham is a tinker who travels the countryside in her one donkey cart. People say she can fix absolutely anything, but her prices are never in mere coins.

Word on the street is that the fireworks prepared for the New Years celebration have been tampered with and their glowing bursts will in fact place a hex on the city.

A new tattoo artist from the far west has set up shop, creating beautiful works of art on their patron’s skin. They’re almost too lifelike.

Parents always told their children that the Weeping Man would take away naughty children on full moons, but recently children have actually started going missing and the bogeyman has turned into hysteria.

The Wizard-Archeologist Philipa Saint-John claims there is a lost ziggurat buried in the permafrost of the Karngorm Tundra, she just needs the funding and manpower to uncover it.

Jenny Greenteeth has haunted the swamp since time out of mind and the locals now live in a tenuous peace with her. However a rich merchant has brought in foreign workers to fill the swamp and build a road.

The Count’s fortune was read in tea leaves last month. He was so horrified by the prophecy that he banned all fortune tellers and all tea from the county.

A giant hand made of an unknown metal was uncovered by flash floods in the hills.

Migratory patterns have shifted, taking game away from the barony. Something is happening up north that is scaring all the animals away.

The cats hold a monthly sabbath where they make reports to their true master.

The border marauders have been getting more bold after their leader uncovered a trove of strange weapons that fire burning light.

Stay away from the harbor on misty nights, that’s when the ghost ship and her dread captain looks for new crew to take aboard.

13 O’Clock, the Witching Hour, only strikes for those who know to listen for it.

The King in Chains, an especially rowdy tavern, has a terrible rat problem, but for some reason the landlord refuses to do anything about it. He also despises cats.

The Patron Saint of Thieves famously stole themselves right out of the hangman’s noose as they dropped. It is said the holder of that noose cannot be barred by any locked door.

A truly massive thunderhead has been passing back and forth across the plains for weeks without a drop of rain. The locals have taken to calling it the Thunder Anvil.

The city on the other side of the mountain throws a truly spectacular street celebration each year. Its participants, despite the fireworks, feasts, and music are all masked and silent.

A powerful noble was cursed in her youth to never be able to eat the same meal twice. She is elderly now and is desperate for truly exotic ingredients for her increasingly bizarre diet.

The old barrows have always been a haunt of fairies and their mischief was mostly benign. A necromancer recently desecrated those ancient tombs and the fairies have gone berserk.

A travelling circus filled with exotic animals of all kinda passed through last year, however a fire at the big top consumed it. Strange trumpeting and growling are still heard from the village green.

Theodore Goldfinch, the secretary of the magistrate, ran screaming out of the courthouse last week claiming he uncovered a snakeman conspiracy.

“The Slithery-Dee came out the sea, he ate all the others but he didn’t eat me,” claimed the only survivor of a fishing village, found covered in blood and holding a notched whaling hook.

There is a deaf musician who wanders the south who knows a tune terribly sad that those that hear it die of a broken heart. They say the musician is in fact a master assassin.

Giant petroglyphs cut across the shrublands where the sheep graze. The wizards claim that the petroglyphs have actually been walking across the land at geologic speed.

Everyone ties a ribbon with wishes on it to the Angel Oak, hoping they’d come true. Sometimes, they actually do!

Keep a ring of iron in your left pocket when you travel the road at night, otherwise the Wyld Hunt will turn you to a beast and hunt you till morning.

Anyone who dies without fulfilling a contract is damned to rise against to complete it. It is important to burn or transfer contracts to avoid terrible revenants.

After a long bender that the PC barely remembers, their wanted poster has been pasted across the land for the kidnapping of a rich silk merchant’s son.

A bat covered in gold dust was found in the church’s belfry, setting off a rush searching all the local caves for a rich vein.

A strange light was seen pouring out of the canyon in the night and no one who has gone to investigate has returned.

Sir Zoray and his band of knights were tasked by the High Priestess to seek a holy artifact to cure a terrible wasting illness. They were last spotted spending their gold the the most expensive brothel in an eastern city.

A wingless wyrm was spotted swimming through the Frothy Run River and coins of foreign make were later found on the pebbly shore.

[mostlycompetentwriter]

Angel

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Johnny Seo (NCT)

Warnings: Language, some mentions of smut

Genre: Married AU; Family AU

Word Count: 2.1K

Summary: Y/N has a good life. She’s married to her high school sweetheart and she has two amazing kids. However, even she has days where this whole quarantine thing really starts to take its toll. 

A/N: Johnny said he’d be married with kids by now, so I made it happen fictitiously.

Angel

It was morning again, and I reluctantly opened my eyes to the familiar chime of my alarm. I released a groan, reaching over to silence my cellphone while ignoring the familiar sounds of footsteps in the hallways.

“Mommy!” My daughter’s screeching voice managed to somehow defy the barrier of my bedroom door, finding me through the drowsy haze that desperately wanted more sleep.

“Five more minutes,” I slurred, but my wish was never granted. Instead, I had my hopes dashed when my daughter and son abruptly slammed the bedroom door against its hinges, screaming at the top of their lungs as they threw themselves on top of me. The bedframe creaked from the additional weight, and my eyes shot open when my son crawled over my stomach, pressing down uncomfortably against my poor bladder. “Okay!” I grimaced, attempting to sit up straight. “I think we’ve had enough time to torture Mommy.”

My daughter was a mess of giggles, looking up at me with brown eyes that distinctly reminded me of Johnny. “Guess what?” she whispered as if protecting a secret of immense value.

“What?” I whispered in return.

“I made you a picture!” she squealed, reaching for my hand and using gravity to her advantage when she rolled off the mattress and landed in the floor. I winced at the pressure on my shoulder, complying with her demands by throwing my legs over the side of the bed.

“I’m coming.” I groaned, watching as she and her younger brother immediately took off in the direction of the living room.

It had become a tedious cycle at this point, waking up early in the morning to cook breakfast, only to spend most of the day figuring out creative ways to keep my children entertained. I sighed in exasperation, secretly cursing Johnny because he still had to work everyday at the office in spite of this enormously burdensome pandemic that forced the schools to close. Since I was an Elementary school teacher, I was also forced to stay at home everyday, which initially seemed advantageous because I wouldn’t need to inquire about a babysitter for our kids. However, the longer I spent locked inside the house all day, the more I was slowly starting to lose my mind and all sense of rationality.

My children were both young and energetic, demanding constant attention. 

They were also notorious mischief makers.

Thus, I paused at the entrance to the living room, ignoring my son and daughter as they clapped along with the characters on their TV show. Because there was nothing to celebrate in regards to the mess that was waiting for me in the form of the dreaded Crayola Massacre. Lines of blue, black, and yellow decorating my walls in long stripes. “Do you like it, Mommy?” my daughter asked, and I closed my eyes in response, exhaling around a sigh instead of the scream that fought for release.

Despite scrubbing at the walls for over three hours, there was still evidence of my daughter’s artwork in faded colors that had successfully smeared themselves together in decidedly very unattractive ways. However, the arrival of my husband signaled a reprieve from my work, and I was lucky enough to intercept Johnny’s entrance without our children noticing. He smiled at me like a knight in shining armor, shrugging off his jacket and grunting when I ran into his arms.

“Y/N, what are you-” I cut him off with a kiss, pressing my lips fiercely against his in the hopes of using Johnny to drown out the rest of this disastrous day. I was a needy mess for my husband, and I wordlessly led him into our bedroom while keeping our mouths seared together.

“Holy shit, I missed you,” I whined, and Johnny kissed me feverishly while I wrapped my arms around his neck in desperation, grinding myself against his thigh in the hopes of chasing an orgasm that I had been denied for weeks while remaining at home.

“Daddy!”

“No,” I whimpered pathetically when I felt Johnny start to pull away, clutching tightly to his shirt sleeves while he chuckled and gently reached behind him for the door.

“We’ll talk later,” he said with a wink, turning around to greet his son who jumped gleefully into his father’s arms.

Meanwhile, I was left feeling increasingly desperate, studying my husband’s ass with a groan. Why did he have to look so ridiculously good in the suits that he was required to wear to the office? It was a tragedy for my condition because I wanted nothing more than to drag Johnny onto our bed while I spread my legs wide open for him.

But the moment was tragically gone. My children had my husband’s attention, so I trudged despondently into the kitchen to prepare another half-assed attempt at a meal.

After dinner, I decided to clean up in the kitchen, hearing my husband attempt to handle our demanding children in the living room. They were playing some kind of made-up game that Johnny had likely encouraged, claiming that it was good for them to use their imaginations. Whatever it was, I could tell that it had taken quite the number on my husband when he entered the kitchen while panting, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Are you having fun?” I asked with a smirk.

Johnny glared playfully in my direction. “What are you talking about? I love it when they wrestle me to the floor.”

“They can be a handful,” I said with a shaky sigh, closing my eyes for a moment as I finished the dishes.

“Hey, is something wrong?” Johnny asked, leaning against my side as he wrapped one arm around my waist.

I decided not to hold anything back since the possibility of losing my last hold on rational sanity was dying each day. “I can’t fucking take it anymore,” I said, groaning as I pressed myself even closer to his chest. “I love them so much, but I need time to myself, and I can’t even cook lunch without someone glued to my legs!”

Johnny chuckled, but he held me close as he planted a kiss on top of my head. “Y/N, you shouldn’t let yourself get this bad.”

“I’m their mother,” I said. “I should be able to handle anything.”

“Everyone needs some time away,” Johnny said, soothing his hand across my back in a much-needed gesture of comfort. “Hey, why don’t we go out tomorrow?”

I sniffled, looking up at him through blurry eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, we can call Mark or something to come watch the kids while we go out for a drive. Grab takeout and park the car on the river.”

I snorted around a laugh. “Mark is basically a kid himself.”

“He can handle them for a few hours,” Johnny said, pulling away to press a gentle kiss to my lips. “What do you say?”

I managed a nod before allowing Johnny to engulf me in his strong embrace, blocking out the rest of the world for several long, glorious minutes.

Mark Lee was, in a sense, mostly reliable when it came to babysitting. The main problem was that he still possessed a childlike mentality himself, and I would worry constantly about my kids while they were left to his care. But Mark was the only one available at this hour, and he promised me a thousand times that he would actually obey the list I gave him. Including a detailed outline of all the foods that my kids couldn’t have after 8:00 PM.

“You two have fun,” Mark said with a knowing wink, and I rolled my eyes at him.

“We’ll be back before 10:00,” I said, grabbing Johnny’s hand as the two of us left Mark standing on the front porch, walking to Johnny’s car in relative silence.

However, as soon as I was situated in the front seat, I turned to look at Johnny as he messed with the ignition. “Well?” I asked him. “What do you want to do?”

Johnny laughed, easing the car onto the road as he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “Remember what we used to do in college?”

“You mean, drive somewhere isolated with our cheap takeout?”

Johnny nodded. “What do you think?”

“I think that’s the best idea you’ve had in a long time,” I said, instantly onboard with such a seemingly innocuous suggestion, but it was the most thrilling plan I had been apart of in months.  

It made me miss our college days, when our only responsibilities included turning in essays ten minutes before their due date while trying to balance the tricky combination of a social life and attaining a useful education. Johnny and I met during his Senior year of college at a frat party, and it seemed like our future together was solidified when he took me out on his drunken version of a first date in the parking lot behind Burger King. Regardless of how ridiculous it seemed in the present, I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything else in the entire world.

“I feel you thinking hard, babe,” Johnny remarked as we pulled into the parking lot of our favorite diner. 

“It’s nothing,” I reassured him, watching as Johnny dialed the diner’s phone number to place a takeout order, and we talked for twenty minutes about how much of an asshole Johnny’s boss acted during quarantine.

It was raining when our order was finally ready, and I laughed when Johnny ran out of the car, holding one of our backseat towels over his head. It was a hilarious sight, and my smile was almost painfully wide when he returned with our bag, dripping from head to toe. “I hope the food isn’t ruined,” Johnny said, giving no further thought to his disheveled state.

Nevertheless, Johnny drove us to the abandoned parking lot at the beach downtown, overlooking the ocean at night as it reflected the full moon in all its glory. Meanwhile, I bit down into my hamburger, relishing the delicious taste, and moving my head in time to the music playing over the radio. “I heard someone tried to repaint the wall yesterday,” Johnny remarked.

“Oh, right,” I scoffed. “I was cleaning for hours.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Johnny said, handing me one of his french fries over the center console as an act of appeasement. “I feel bad. I should’ve known that the kids would drive you crazy.”

“I love them,” I pouted. “But they have too much energy.”

“Why don’t we all take a drive this weekend?” Johnny suggested. “I know we can’t do much, but the fresh air might be nice.”

I nodded eagerly while tossing the rest of my trash into our takeout bag. “The kids will love it.”

Johnny nodded, reaching for my hand which he held with a gentle touch. “You deserve something better than takeout in the car.”

I shook my head, leaning in closer to brush a kiss across his lips. “This is nice, Johnny. I can’t be that picky when the entire country is going to shit.”

“Really?” Johnny asked, reaching out to hold my head in place as he deepened the kiss. “Isn’t there something else that you want?”

My eyes widened at his implications, especially considering the frantic way he was kissing me as his hands smoothed across my thighs. “Are you serious?”

“What? You don’t think I can still do this?” Johnny asked breathlessly, kissing me with growing desperation.

“Are you seriously suggesting that we fuck in your car?”

“Why not?” he asked, pulling back with swollen lips and lust-filled eyes.

“Well, if you say it like that...” I trailed off, laughing when Johnny reached for me across the console, dragging me onto his lap with a series of clumsy movements.

“This isn’t romantic lovemaking,” Johnny said, ripping down the sleeves of my dress. “But I think we both need a quick fuck.”

I gasped at his crude language. “You haven’t talked to me like that in months!”

Johnny chuckled. “There’s been a few distractions.”

“But I really missed this,” I said, licking into his mouth while my hands grabbed fistfuls of his dark brown hair.

“I promise that I’ll make more time for us,” Johnny said, thumbing across the inviting swell of my breasts. “I love you so much.”

“Mhmm,” I hummed in agreement, reaching down for the zipper on his pants. “Will you show me how much you love me?”

Johnny smirked against my lips, reaching down to recline the seat further back, and his hands gathered the hem of my dress as he proceeded to make-up for weeks of neglected opportunities...

[messedupessy]

Ok so, got a ask from @matronofthevoid for the ask thingie I am doing, where she asked what my skeleton boys would be dressed up for Halloween, and I got hella lot of boys and this is hella long so decided to make a separate post with it yes xD 

I am skipping the seafell and seaswapfell bros, also the genderbent versions of them seaswap boys aka Bon and Nessie, as I srsly dunno what they would be pft, but let’s see...

Swap bros: Stretch I can’t say as that will be spoilers for the Halloween pic I got pft, but his bro Berry totally a sexy fireman just because he can, he gotta be matching his bro because that’s the way they roll.

UT bros: know this has been done before but Sans is dressed in a suit with a note stuck onto his chest with the word apology on it, yes he is a formal apology and Puffy if you read this yes this is inspired by your pic from ages ago. Papyrus is dressed up as Mettaton obviously, his box form that is, which he has worked weeks on perfecting! He technically could had just went with his old armor since that was a old costume he made before reaching the surface, but since he worn it so much it was time for a change, and what better than his favourite sexy rectangle?

Fell bros: Edge, if he isn’t too busy, which he might be unless someone drags him away from his work, is dressed up as Gomez Addams, there is no other costume he could possibly wear. Red is a lazy helicopter tomato who don’t really do the whole dressing up shit, so he will just put a pair of devils horns on his head and call it a day.  

SF bros: Scratch has worked like a mad lad on his costume, it is all made from... well scratch, and he has worked on it for literal weeks, a fancy af gothic vampire with a fluffy skirt, lace, buttons, ribbons, so many details, got like claw gauntlets and everything, it looks like some sort of cosplay with how detailed it is but it’s just a costume and he is very proud of it. Rus is dressed up as a literal trashbag, he just got a stinky old paper bag from the trash and poked some holes in it, put it over his head like the trash he is. 

Seaswap bros: Pass is a ninja because it is ironic as fuck, because Pirates VS Ninjas baby. Boney is dressed as the painting “the girl with a pearl earring”, with his own little twist to the rest of the outfit since you can only see the top half of her body. 

3in1Tale aka G bros: you would think Fraktur would dress up as Dr. Frankenstein since he is a mad scientist just like him, but no, Dr. Frankenstein is a sniveling little piss baby, the creature on the other hand, now that’s where the good stuff is, so yes he is dressed up as “Frankensteins monster”, though mixed with a scientist bc he can’t let go off his mad scientist aesthetic. Gans is dressed like that meme the “how do you do fellow kids” one, not on purpose though he was aiming for a skater because skating is cool, it’s hip, sadly he can’t skate to save his life.

SF KH/Purple bros: Mauve is too busy been aggressive and feral to dress up, dressing up in costumes and such things are beneath him. Cash dresses up as a drug dealer.... which he already is, he is technically not dressing up at all he is genuinely just been himself but “pretending” to be selling drugs, that might be real, is probably real, by opening his hoodie and be all “wanna buy some drugs?”. Their underground to start with isn’t much up to celebrating these sort of occasions.  

MessedUpTale bros: Pop is dressed up as a proper knight, using one of his old armours he used to use back before he ended up underground several hundreds of years ago. Tycoon or just Ty for short, well he is a king so he just switches out his crown for a burger king crown, at first at least, with the help of Pop and some of their friends they end up changing his costume into a literal grandpa, with a beard and everything, because he likes to joke that he is one, so why not dress up as one.  

Underlöst bros: Velvet is dressed up as Lady Gaga from the BLACKPINK music video Sour Candy, the black one with straps and like buckles, with a blonde wig and everything, as BLACKPINK is his fave band and he loves Lady Gaga. Bin couldn’t be bothered to put any sort of effort into any sort of costume, so Velvet had to do it for him, so he dresses him up as a wizard, but a sexy one, sort of, Bin is not really working it like Velvet had hoped but it will do.  

Easeswap bros: Mello is dressed as a cute and very comfy bat, but it’s also like sexy it’s like kinda like a massive hoodie rather that gets cut off at the knees, kinda like a hoodie dress, with bat hears and wings as the hoodie arms, he is very cozy in it. Dex is dressed as a werewolf, as it was the best and simplest thing he could get his hands on, but also like sexy. 

Fellswap Gold bros: Vin sadly did not have time to dress up or even celebrating Halloween whatsoever, his job is extremely demanding and he rarely got any free time, but if he had gotten a chance he would had dressed up as a old time gentleman. Mocha is a bit too socially inept and anxious to go out and celebrate, but his fave online multiplayer game, he dressed his character up as a punkish pumpkin man. 

Easefell bros: Thyme procrastinated af on his costume, so he ended up having to buy something simple to dress up as, and ended up as Raphael from TMNT, it’s kinda shitty and bad quality but it works. Pepper haven’t really gotten a chance to dress up properly before, yes he have once or twice dressed up for parties when he was more in his teen years but they used to be like not that good and... very slutty. He was tempted to just go with a pair of bunny ears and call it a day as he don’t have time for this, but ends up going with something more proper anyway, and dresses up as Sandy from Grease, the black outfit she wears at the end. 

[beyondflashpoint]

Prologue 2: Homeward Bound :

“I don’t understand the detour, Todd. We could have made port directly in Gotham bay and gone directly to father. Your palaver with the addict in Steel city cost us days. Hours at best.”

Jason rolled his eyes. He could sense the kid’s unease even without glancing at him in the rearview. A slight vocalization from the passenger seat indicated that Cassie agreed with the kid.

“First, the ‘addict’ has a name. Roy is an old friend. Second, that pal-whatever got us this car, so we aren’t walking. Third, the League would be expecting us to make landfall in Gotham, and I feel like an extended ninja fight would waste more time than my plan and also draw a lot more unwanted attention. Relax Damian. We’ll have you playing catch with daddy-dearest soon enough.”

“Smart.” Cassie said from beside him, her voice low and gravely from underuse. He couldn’t be sure, but Jason thought she sounded surprised. At least she was talking now, even if it was only one or two words every few days. The constant charades made his head hurt.

Damian clicked his tongue in that annoying way he did and prepared to retort, but Jason nipped that in the bud.

“Bruce has a bunker in Blüdhaven where we can swipe some equipment and feel out the situation in Gotham. According to Roy, Lady Shiva has been spotted in G-town, and there haven’t been any killings that fit her m.o., so it’s safe to assume the League dispatched her to catch us. So caution is the word.”

Cassie shifted uncomfortably at her mother’s name. They had never been close, but they had left things especially messy, as in duel to the death, excommunication messy. Shiva would kill Cassie on sight, and Jason probably not long after. Returning Damian al’Ghul to the Demon’s side was priority one. If he had to guess, Shiva would have deployed with a full attachment, foot soldiers and four other heavy hitters. A full Demon’s Fist, as the League called it. That could be very bad for G-town. Jason was by no means eager to put on tights again, but Bruce’s uniforms offered much better protection than swiped tourist threads, and he needed all the extra time he could get to figure out exactly how this reunion was going to go.

‘Hi Bruce, I’m not dead anymore. Ras dunked me in the Lazarus Pit. Also, I kinda kidnapped your son from Talia because Ras was planning on having him kill you. Also, you have a son. In case you didn’t know. Also this is Lady Shiva’s daughter, but she’s cool. She kicks ass and has decided to leave the League. Also the League is after us.’

Bruce would have a stroke. Maybe he should lead with the son thing.

Jason merged as they approached the exit he wanted.

Come to think of it, there were probably a few of his old friends running the streets of his old stomping grounds. Probably most of them were dead or incarcerated, but one or two of them had to be out and about. He could use eyes on the streets, and slum kids saw things that even the big bad bat didn’t. He’d look into it.

Five years changed things. Roy was a big indication of that. Before Jason’s temporary vacation from the mortal coil, Roy Harper had been a Titan, and Jason’s top guy in the team. Finding out that he’d dropped the mask game had been shocking enough, but the fact that he had been hooked on H AND working out rehab really opened his eyes. Roy had stayed in touch with Dick, as an unofficial sponsor, but he’d completely cut off Olly and the rest of the Star City crew. And now he was running a garage, just a few hours out of the Haven. Jason shuddered to think how the Batfam had changed. And now that he thought about it, five years may as well be fifty on the streets, especially in the Haven.

When Bruce had taken him in, the Red Hood gang had mostly run the Haven, and the less formal Hoodz had sprung up to replace the smaller crews and cliques that permeated Blüdhaven. Time served with the Hoodz could lead to an opportunity at the big leagues with the real Red Hood Gang. That had been Jason’s plan, which had put him in the alley where the batmobile had been parked, which had made him hungry enough for the cred that would come from boosting the tires from the Bat’s whip, which had led him to getting caught by the big bad bat, yadda-yadda, Robin, mother, Clown, crowbar.

But the Hoodz had already been on their way out even back then, with the Black Mask Gang snatching turf on the outskirts. Jason couldn’t begin to imagine who was running the Haven now.

They rode in silence until Jason finally parked in the alley. The sharpness and clarity of memory had to be a result of his dip in the pit. He’d only been to this bunker once, and it had been in the frantic haze of searching for his mother, the first stop on his way out of Gotham for the last time in his old life. Now it was his last stop on his way back to Gotham for the first time in his new life. Ka is a wheel, to quote Mr Stephen King.

He shook these thoughts off as he scanned the street, making sure their entry would go unnoticed, then opened the secret panel and typed the old code into the hidden keypad. The section of wall slid back, and opened to a flight of stairs and the blessed buzz of ac.

“Alright gang, to the bat-bunker.”

He started in without waiting for a reply. Lights buzzed to life as the trio descended the steps and were deposited into the armory. According to Roy, Dick had lived here until he’d gotten on his feet after splitting from Bruce. He still used it as a backup base/crash pad, and Jason could tell from the ratty couch and scattering of clothes. But Grayson was running with Titans 3.0 at the moment, looking into the evil tech dealer called H.I.V.E. so they would have the run of the place for now.

True to fashion, though Dick’s personal possessions were a mess, the armory itself was perfectly organized and orderly. Jason could barely suppress a scoff at the tube containing one of Barbara’s spare batsuits. Vintage black and yellow. He always suspected the two were hooking up. He and Dick didn’t agree on much, but both were of one mind when it came to red heads in tights. It was a shame Roy had let himself go recently. Before he could get too lost in that thought, he realized Damian and Cassandra were both staring at him expectantly.

“Right. We have a few hours of daylight left. I don’t want to move on Gotham till nightfall. Till then, I want you two taking inventory of the gear we have available to us. While you do that, I’ll grab us some food, and scope out the situation street side.”

“If I never have to eat any more of that greasy slop you call fast food, it will be too soon.” Damian said as he made close study of a wall of weapons Grayson had no doubt thought were cool as hell.

“Now you listen here, boy. Big Belly Burger is a staple of American fine dining, and I will not have you blaspheme against it like that in my presence. Besides, you and Cassie order and eat twice as much as I do every time we stop there.”

“TT.”

Cassandra grabbed his shoulder and shared a look that said her next words would be of the utmost importance.

“Milkshake. Strawberry.” She managed without any of the usual false starts.

“Actually, since we’re in the Haven, I thought I’d treat you two to the height of fine dining. Bibbo’s Diner is only a few blocks from here, and you haven’t lived until you’ve had his chicken and waffles.”

Alarm flashed in Cassandra’s eyes, but before it could settle, Jason reassured her.

“And Bibbo’s happens to be the home of the world famous Robin shake. Strawberry, chocolate and banana. It’ll be right up your alley Cassie. And their homemade peach cobbler is out of this world.”

She looked as if she was about to argue, then considered, and acquiesced, lulled into acceptance by the promise of a new sweet treat. The poor girl had been practically made to starve as part of her training. Combined with the laundry list of other abuses she’d faced, Jason had no problem shelling out the extra cash to keep her quickly developing sweet tooth satisfied. Besides, it wasn’t really his money.

It had been quite the adventure so far, and while Bruce would halve balked at Jason’s decision to loot scumbags they’d encountered along the six month journey from Nanda Parbat, Damian and Cassandra saw the necessity of it. Jason had found his people.

“Pull that suit on under your clothes Cass, it’s Kevlar microfiber woven over a layer of high density impact gel. Might not look like it, but it can stop a bullet. There might be an old Robin suit around here somewhere. You’ll know it if you see it. That might fit Damian. Gear up, stretch out, and be ready to move as soon as I get back. If something goes down while I’m gone, find the tallest building in town and wait for me on the roof.” As he talked, he scooped up a spare utility belt from the shelves and clipped it on his waist. A cursory search rewarded him with a tank top sporting the blue bird Dick used as a logo these days (because of corse Dick fucking Grayson bought his own merch), a flannel Jason could tie around his hips to hide the belt, a Gotham Knights cap, and a wad of cash Dick no doubt kept for emergencies.

This qualified, Jason rationalized as he stuffed the bills into a pouch on his belt. Satisfied with his civilian disguise, Jason returned his focus to the duo studying the tools laid out before them. Damian had slipped a samurai sword into his belt at some point and was now testing the weight of the stylized throwing stars (Wingdings?) laid out on the shelves. Cassandra was running through forms with a pair of batons, and was mildly startled by the arc of electricity that cracked between them when she happened upon the triggers. Shock turned to awe, turned to a pleased smirk. They’d be fine for a few hours. Probably.

He tried not to think too hard about the many ways they could kill, explode, or otherwise maim each other in his absence.

They’d be fine.

It took him an hour of scoping the usual hangs to get anything useful. The Row kids had relocated to an orphanage in G-town. The Brown girl and the kid that followed her like a lost puppy were m.i.a., Rome was in Blackgate, Garcia was dead, Diego dead, Carter dead, Crock m.i.a., Philippe jail, Jessie jail, dead, jail, jail, jail, dead, dead, Morales was working the youth center after a stint in Blackgate, which was good to hear. Finally he happened upon a decent lead, almost by accident.

One of his old crew from the Hoodz days was still out and about, and running a little cluster of the Hoodz.

Jason entered the ratty apartment Sasha shared with her father Nico though the fire escape. It was just as messy as he remembered. On the table beside the couch was a glass bowl, packed but untouched. It was tempting, but Jason hadn’t gotten high since his Robin days. The siren song of the crumpled pack of full flavored cigarettes, however, was irresistible. He plucked one free and lit it as he dropped into the tattered leather recliner across from the couch where Sasha snoozed. That first draw was harsh, and started him coughing. Five years had robbed him of his experienced smoker status.

Sasha groaned groggily, stirred by his hacking and sat up slowly, blindly groping for a cig herself.

“Told you to stop snatching my smokes if you can’t handle ‘em old man.” She chastised drowsily.

“Just out of practice Sash. Haven’t had one since the last time we talked.”

It took a moment for the strange voice to register, but when it did, her hand flew under her pillow. Before it came back out, Jason freed a birdarang (wingding?) and sent the glock flying.

“Fuck!”

“Shit, Sash, you pack now? I must’a missed a lot.”

Her eyes darted from her hand, which would be bruised for the next few days, and Jason, who chanced a longer drag from the stolen cigarette and pulled off his hat. This one went down smoothly.

“Jay-bird?” She stuttered as the pieces came together. Even without the shoot of white hair and the scars crisscrossing his face, five years was a lot of growing room.

“Nah. Nah, man. You died.” He leaned over the table, plucked another cig from the pack and offered it to her. She took it and let him light it.

“Didn’t take.”

“Dude, you definitely died. Me and the crew crashed the funeral, had to cause daddy Warbucks wouldn’t let no street rats in. News said you bought it in a skiing accident in the Alps or some shit.”

“I ain’t here for that Sash. I just want some info.”

She dropped the cigarette half smoked into an open beer can, opting to wake-and-bake instead. Jason couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t often you woke up to a ghost chilling in your living room. She took a few hits and offered him the pipe and lighter.

“Another time Sash. I got shit to do.”

“Right, and you need little Sasha to tell you what’s what. But little Sasha wants some info too, Jay-bird. Like where you been for five, and why you look like rough road.”

“I got blown up, and ninja’s in the Middle East brought me back to life and taught me ninja shit. My turn. Anyone strange running jobs in the Haven, or is it all Loco shit?”

“Hold up, ninjas? The fuck man?”

“Sash.” She hesitated, then took another hit from the bowl.

“Okay. Since you been gone, the Hoodz and the Black Masks called a truce to push out the Riddler gang. Falcone’s kid made a comeback, and is trying to take the whole Haven. Masks and Hoodz are gonna push him out too. His boys mostly run the Narrows. Then there’s this new guy my dad is running supplies for. Very strange. Outsider type. Fuckin spooky. He wears a pig mask and steals kids. The Masks are scared he’s gonna bring the Bat down on us. I’m not gonna lie, I kinda hope the Bat does come for him. I only seen him once and he freaked me out. Lucky you dropped in when you did. Dad’s talking about splitting soon. He don’t like Pig-face either.”

Jason listened intently. By the time she’d finished talking, he’d finished his cigarette. Paying attention was hard in that woozy high that came from the sudden influx of nicotine, but he’d gathered what he needed. The League wasn’t moving in Blüdhaven.

“You filled out good Jay-bird. I’d almost believe you were hanging with ninjas.”

Jarred from his thoughts, Jason stood, swiping another cigarette from the pack.

“I’d get out of town if I were you Sash. And out of gang-life.” He paused and scooped up the stylized ski-mask that marked members of the Hoodz. “I’d rather not have to crash your funeral.” She watched him make his way to the window, but said nothing.

With daylight to burn, Jason began his trek back to the bunker, taking a detour by Bibbo’s to acquire the promised delicacies.

He was not prepared for what his triumphant return to the bunker brought him.

Silence hung eerily over the now dark headquarters. The space had been tidied thoroughly, Dick’s discarded clothing organized, folded, and neatly stacked. Pinned to the chair in front of the large Bat Computer doppelgänger with a batarang (wingding?) was a note written in neat, curling scrawl which Jason instantly recognized as belonging to Damian.

“Todd,

In your absence I have determined that your course of action is actually strategically sound. After overcoming the computer’s laughable attempt at security, I have ascertained that there is a criminal element operating in this city which might draw,” the word father was struck through with two neat lines, “Batman, and potentially ruin any attempt at stealth. I believe we must handle the meeting between ourselves and Batman delicately, and on our own terms. Because of this I have determined the best course of action is to deal with this so-called ‘Professor Pyg’ with haste.

Should you return before we have settled matters, and wish to join us on this mission, you may find all the relevant information pertaining to Pyg (alias to one Lazlo Valentin) by pressing the large rectangular key which reads enter. I’m sure Cain and I would benefit from your expertises in these matters.”

Jason hadn’t believed it was possible to convey sarcasm through the written word. Until today.

“Ps. If you are determined to acquire sustenance before returning, I still do not like ketchup. Mushrooms are okay. Cain requests extra fries.

Pps. In keeping with the traditions laid out in your tales of the Batman’s adventures, Cain and I have decided to wear masks. If you do decide to join us, you might not recognize us, but we have agreed not to harm you.

Sincerely,

Damian al’Ghul, Grandson of the Demon, Heir to the Demon’s Head.”

Jason crumpled the note. The Batgirl uniform was gone, as well as a reasonable chunk of the armory. He’d have to move quickly.

-

The decision to pursue and subdue Valentin had been mostly motivated by three things. The first he had laid out in his letter to Todd. The second he had shared with Cain, boredom. The third he would reveal to no one, on pain of death. In the years since he had regained his memory, Todd had recounted every story he knew pertaining to Batman. Those stories had motivated him to come to Gotham and meet his father, leaving behind his mother and grandfather, possibly abandoning his great destiny. Those stories had told him more about his father as a man than his mother or grandfather ever had. They painted Bruce Wayne as a titan among men, a pillar of strength and will, and a paragon of virtue and honor. In all honesty, Damian was intimidated by that man. But he was also inspired. The third reason he had decided to pursue and subdue Valentin was to feel connected with his father.

Locating “Pyg” was a simple enough matter. First he plotted out all of the kidnappings that matched Pyg’s M.O. it would seem that Batman had been keeping an eye on Pyg, because he was the chief suspect in the manufacture and distribution of a drug gangs were using to pacify prostitutes. But he’d overlooked the kidnappings. By mapping those, cross referencing places that stored or manufactured components for the drug, Damian was able to triangulate possible hideouts this Pyg could be using. Of the three possibilities, only one was currently unused, an so Damian had settled on the abandoned theme park, ignoring how horribly cliched it was.

Cain had followed Todd’s instructions and donned the Batgirl uniform, but had decided against layering civilian clothes over it. He couldn’t blame her, with the summer heat stifling as it was. Damian had opted for the League’s stealth uniform which he’d carried across half the world. Then the two had gone at the veritable armory like children in a candy shop. Few of Todd’s stories included Grayson, and those that did made him out to be asinine and annoying. But his selection of toys was impressive by all accounts. Smoke bombs, flash-bangs, teargas, plastic explosives, acetylene torches, inferred flashlights, air powered line launchers, and many of the oddly shaped throwing stars Todd had called “batarangs.” The belts which Damian had crisscrossed his chest like bandoliers were jam packed with more of these tools than Damian had imagined was possible, as well as a first-aid kit and handcuffs.

Once they were outfitted and armed, Damian led them to the car Todd had conned out of the addict. The drive to their location was in silence, both mentally preparing for whatever they might encounter along the way. They passed the location several times, marking potential hiding places, paths of retreat and places that could host an ambush.

Once Damian was satisfied he parked the car a block away and they took to the rooftops to preform reconnaissance from above. The park was dilapidated, derelict, and most likely overflowing with vermin. But for the most part it seemed structurally sound. After brief deliberation, the duo decided they were adequately prepared for whatever they may encounter, and thus began their assault.

There is an old proverb that Damian would often think back on when remembering this first act of vigilantism.

“Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

He thought he was ready for anything, but he was wrong.

-

Dick Grayson had apparently undergone a biker phase, which was good for Jason, because Roy’s car was gone. The modified superbike flew through the streets and cut between traffic like a dream. Jason had intended to return everything he’d stolen from Dick, but with every hairpin turn he grew more and more inclined to keep the bike. And maybe the jacket too. It matched the mask he’d swiped from Sash. And it was way too badass for Richard John Grayson.

He’d rushed out of the bunker with a stomach full of rage and fear, blended poorly so an acrid burn stung at the back of his throat. He imagined this was how Bruce must have felt every time he did something reckless. The dynamic dumbasses hadn’t even taken communicators with them.

He briefly wished he’d inventoried his belt before stepping out, but Dick had always been anal about his gear. So had he, now that he though about it. Bruce had drilled him on it relentlessly, having him empty and refill his belt over and over for hours until Jason knew exactly how much of what was in each pouch, and could find anything blindfolded or in the heat of battle. Thinking about it brought back the sharpened calm that came with patrols and missions. It was like the emotions were compressed and pushed back into a compartment on his brain’s utility belt. Not gone, just stored away. He twisted the throttle as far as it would go.

Once upon a time, he’d have cased the joint before getting close. Once upon a time, he’d have come from above, all stealth and shadows, and only dropped in once he had a clear vision of what was happening inside. Today he barreled through a hole in the fence at almost two hundred miles per hour with the engine screaming and fishtailed to a stop as close to the park’s rotting funhouse as he could without transforming himself into a pancake.

Kickstand dropped, and feet pounded against dry rotted wood. Jason had almost made it to the door before his ears registered the sounds of a struggle from within. He cursed his favorite curse as he filled his hand with smoke pellets and prepared to join the fray. With his free hand he pulled the line-launcher and took aim. He was topside in a heartbeat, and could practically hear the cape flutter that would have accompanied the motion in his Robin days. With practiced proficiency he located a skylight and paused to survey the scene from above.

Damian and Cass were surrounded. As if that wasn’t bad enough, their attackers were the aforementioned legion of League foot soldiers Jason had been eager to avoid. They seemed to be holding their own well enough for now, but outside their field of view Shiva was preparing to join the battle. Also moving in were the rest of the Demon’s Fist. Bronze Tiger, Cheshire, Ubu, and Mara al’Ghul. Things were well on their way to getting messy. Jason cursed again. Ubu was the meanest and the ugliest. Also the closest.

“Fuck it. Prison rules.”

He tossed the fistful I’d smoke pellets and dropped in as the cloud spread over the crowd.

Ubu was a hulking brute, and made a piss poor cushion, but he was a big enough target that Jason had no fear of missing. The sound the giant’s head made when Jason’s knee made contact with it was something like a watermelon falling off a truck at fifty, and was nostalgically comedic combined with the guttural grunt he released before flopping onto the floor like a sack of potatoes. But Jason couldn’t say if he laughed or not. All of his attention was on hurling wingdings (wingdings) into the smoke at the predicted positions of his foes. There were more than a few grunts, and a couple of clatters as weapons were dropped from struck hands. But not nearly enough, and the disorientation didn’t last long. This was League tactics, after all, and only slightly modified by Batman. Cass and Damian also got back to business, and everything was chaos once more.

Jason registered a shift in the cloud with barely enough time to dodge, and one of Shiva’s twin swords cut through the haze only millimeters from his chin. It was quickly followed by the other, this time arching towards his chest. Robin loosed a volley of wingdings in rapid succession, but the clash of metal on metal told him how effective that tactic was. Gripping one of the larger tools like a set of knuckle dusters, he advanced.

In his day the birdarangs had focused more on reducing weight than on durability, and it seemed that was still the case. Robin had only redirected a few glancing blows, and he could already feel the thing cracking. The smoke was fading quickly, and he could mostly see Shiva now. Which meant she could see him too. After blocking yet another strike which came way to close to opening his throat Robin stepped back and loosed one of the explosive discs that had been his favorites. Shiva was an expert, and had her swords prepared to swat it aside when it detonated, and the small explosion sent her blades flying.

Pressing the advantage Robin moved in. Hand-to-hand odds not in his favor either. Better than unarmed against swords. No cape to distract or disorient. Fight dirty.

Dodge high, block low. Opening when she kicks high, knock her off her feet.

It was alarming how quickly he fell back into his training. Batman had taught him a lot, and years of street fights had taught him more. Then there was his time playing amnesiac with the League. Jason winning.

Shiva was on her feet again before anything more than her shoulders touched the ground, and at some point she’d regained her swords, but Jason was ready, and before she realized what was happening, he clapped her ears. The pressure of the strike would have been disorienting on its own, but coupled with the detonation of the micro-flash-bangs cupped in Jason’s hands, Shiva crumpled like a rag doll.

The cloud had completely dissolved now, and Jason easily dodged the sai Cheshire flung at him. Of course this put him in excellent position to catch Bronze Tiger’s shin with his whole stomach. Breathless and airborne, he could do nothing about the pinwheel kick Cheshire dropped on his rib cage. The familiar crunch told him that two were cracked before the pain started up.

Jason landed hard, and Cheshire straddled his waist the second he had. Her other sai raised in both hands, prepared to fall into his throat.

“Enough.”

Silence fell in place of the killing blow. Cheshire looks to her left and Jason followed suit.

The few League grunts that remained standing parted as Talia al’Ghul strode across the battle field to Damian, who still held his blade in a ready position with eyes glued to his cousin. She hadn’t lowered her weapons either. The two had been bitter rivals from the day they’d met.

“Mother.” Damian said with all the tenderness of a freezer burned pork chop.

Without another word she dropped to her knees and embraced him.

After a brief awkward silence, she turned his face towards hers.“What is the reason for this foolishness, son?”

Damian freed himself from her grip. “Is it foolish for a boy to seek his father?”

Talia clicked her tongue in the same fashion that Damian was so fond of, and rose to her feet.

“I would have taken you to meet him in time, Damian. When I decided you were ready.”

“Taken me to kill him. Todd told me everything.” Talia turned her gaze to Jason, who waved awkwardly.

“Let him up, Cheshire.” The masked assassin complied quickly, and even gave Jason a hand standing.

“So this was your doing Ibn al Xu’ffasch?”

‘Son of the Bat.’ The name they had given him at the dawn of his second life. Jason pulled off the mask which was apparently doing him no good, and shrugged.

“Tt” Talia turned her attention to Cassandra, who had frozen in place with her baton less than an inch from a grunt’s nose. There was a circle of (probably) unconscious goons at her feet.

“I’d suspected you’d finally had your fill of your mother’s poor treatment and taken the boys hostage.” She turned back to Jason. “When did you regain your memory?”

“Midway through my second year with you all.” Talia nodded as if she’d expected as much, then turned back to Damian.

“I assume that you are serious about meeting your father, yes? Even if I were to drag you back, you’d simply escape again, isn’t that right?”

“Yes mother.” Talia nodded again. Then produced a sealed envelope from within her jumpsuit.

“I expected as much you are at that age where you think you know everything. This letter will explain everything. Deliver it directly to your father, and no one else. Understand?” Damian took the envelope cautiously, as if expecting it to bite him. Once he had it in hand she knelt again, placing her hands on his shoulders tenderly. “I would never send you to kill your father. Nor you Ibn al Xu’ffasch. My father would do no such thing either.”

“But Todd said-“

“Do not misunderstand me, I do not claim Ibn al Xu’ffasch lied. There are those within the League that believe Ras al’Ghul has been too long the Demon’s Head. There are whispers of a coupe. I do not doubt such plans involve removing my beloved from play. I intended to see you in his care soon enough.” She turned to look over the assassins. “We return to Nanda Parbat. None shall further impede these three, by my word, or face my wrath. My will is the Demon’s will.”

The assassins snapped as one into a bow, and set about gathering the wounded. She moved through the crowd to stand in front of Jason and cupped his face, smiling gently.

“Father swore to make no move on Gotham for as long as my beloved draws breath. He made this oath before the whole of the League of Assassins, and forbade any of them to move on Gotham in his name, on pain of death. This was his penance for your death. His sole intent was to return the son he’d taken from my beloved.”

“Uh, okay?”

“I have enjoyed having you in my home Ibn al Xu’ffasch. You have been as a brother to my son, and a son to me. Look after him, Ibn, for he is too much like his father for his own good.”

“If he’s anything like Bruce, I won’t have to.” Talia chuckled, pat his shoulder, and turned to Cassandra, who seemed to materialize at Jason’s side.

“Cassandra, you are welcome to return with us. You have my word that you will have no trouble.” Cass shook her head.

“They die without me.” She said, patting Jason’s shoulder. His jaw dropped, he’d never heard Cass say so much at one time. Talia had never heard her speak period, but to her credit she only cocked an eyebrow.

“Quite.” She said then returned to Damian.

“When all is well once more, I will send for you, my son. Learn what you can from your father. He is a great man.” Damian nodded, and Talia only lingered for a moment before following the last of the assassins out of the building.

The trio stood in silence for a time, until Jason realized they were waiting for him to tell them what to do next.

“Well. That was fun. Who wants soggy chicken and waffles?” Damian narrowed his eyes, but Cass’s hand shot up. “What? So I picked up food. I wasn’t expecting you two to run off for some daring-do and stumble into an obvious trap.” Damian’s eyes narrowed further. “Okay, after we eat we’ll go straight to the Batcave, no detours, no shenanigans, scouts honor.”

Damian rolled his eyes and started for the exit. “I’ll drive.” He stated as Jason and Cass fell in behind him.

“My turn.” Cass retorted.

“Do you even know how?” Damian probed, eyeing her doubtfully.

“You’re mighty talkative today Cass.” Jason quipped. Cassandra replied by sticking her tongue out. He understood her good mood. Their six month misadventure was almost over. As they stepped out into the summer night Jason looked to the sky, and pulled the pair to a stop. From this side of Blüdhaven you could see it clearly enough. For the first time in five years Jason looked up at the Bat-Signal, and pointed it out to the others.

He couldn’t hold back the smile brought on by the wonder he saw in his companion’s faces.

Homeward bound.

-END

Author’s Notes: this chapter is long, and maybe a bit rambling, but mostly because there’s room for two whole multichapter fics in here. Seriously, I was half tempted to start writing a Damian Cass and Jason cross country road trip full of shenanigans and hilarity. For those wondering, this takes place five years after prologue 1. It took me longer than I thought it would to edit, between baking cheesecake, doing some bag work, and feeling out crafting with worbla. That being said, the next prologue will take even longer (unfortunately(?)) because I want to make sure my events make sense and everything is lined up perfectly and ready for the series proper to begin immediately after.

Feel free to comment, complain, keysmash, or just like and reblog. I THRIVE on your reactions.

Till next time!

[authorsofparadiseroleplay]

Dark Days, Chapter 2

This is a crossover fan novel featuring my own characters and world of The Authors of Paradise, blended with those of Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files. This derivative crossover work is being written for the sheer fun of it, with no financial gain. Jim Butcher owns Harry Dresden, The Dresden Files, and all associated characters. I own Evelyn Alvar, Arabella Thorne, Thornebridge Manor, The Authors of Paradise, and all associated characters. I’ve taken the two worlds, mashed them together, and whipped up this meandering thingamabob. Mmm, tasty.

This novel is rated M for Mature, because it’ll get bloody.

Table of Contents:

Chapter 1

ii. Harry

The entire world exploded into panic, and it completely ruined my lunch at Burger King. I have all the luck.

Hey, I didn’t say it was good luck.

I had just returned from a grueling weekend in rural Louisiana, helping a psychic Paranetter who had found herself unwittingly being used as a conduit for a demonic spirit attempting to take form in the world, care of an object that had been used as a vessel for housing and transporting the spirit in the physical world. That sort of thing doesn’t just randomly happen; somebody had to have called it up and put it there, but I hadn’t quite figured out who, or why. I did know one thing, though– these sorts of incidents were becoming more and more prevalent lately, and widespread. If it was the work of a single person or group, they were throwing one hell of a wide net.

I had gone and returned by train, disembarking a little after one in the afternoon, hungry and unwashed and exhausted. I hadn’t felt like making anything at Molly’s apartment (I still couldn’t bring myself to call it home. It was borrowed. It wasn’t mine) so I decided to make a grub stop at Burger King.

I ordered. I sat. I started to eat. The sun went out.

Figures.

Burger in hand, I stepped outside to see what was happening, then staggered under the sudden, vicious psychic assault that swept over me like a particularly nasty tidal wave. Before I could even register what was happening, something cold and furious had surged to life inside me with icy fury to press back against the assault. The Mantle of the Winter Knight, taken on after a deal struck out of sheer desperation with Mab, the Queen of the Winter Court of Faerie, came with its own set of perks, which more often than not looked a hell of a lot more like curses to me. The battle seemed to wage for hours, but when the assault lifted, I was sure it had only been minutes.

I lifted my head and looked around, breathing heavily through flared nostrils, every muscle wound tight and ready to spring into action the instant I saw something to attack. I didn’t feel beaten down or defeated. I felt feral. I felt enraged that something would dare encroach on my space, on my person. All around me, I could see people recovering, still panicked but apparently not under the influence of… whatever that had been. They sprawled on the pavement, some of them sobbing, others stricken to horrified silence, still others clinging to one another as they looked around in vain for what could have caused their sudden collective panic.

They all looked like prey to me. Easy pickings. Vulnerable, confused, weak. It would be so easy to…

Drawing in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and began reciting multiplication tables in my head. It took a minute or two, but the influence of the Mantle waned, and I felt a bit more like myself again.

Whatever that meant these days.

Dragging my thoughts kicking and screaming back into focus, I rose to my feet, letting my eyes travel around in search of anything that could shed light on the situation. I knew I hadn’t been the one to send the psychic attack packing; I’d barely been able to weather it as it was, even with the Winter Mantle leading the defense. Maybe it was on a timer or something. Maybe their favorite show came on T.V. and they just couldn’t stand to miss it.

Maybe it was a test run, and something bigger and badder was on the way.

“Dammit,” I muttered, and gave a last, mournful look at my burger before tossing it in a nearby trash can. Lunch would have to wait.

The world wasn’t completely dark, despite the lack of power everywhere, and when I looked up, I saw that the sun was actually obstructed by something, ringed by a brilliant red halo that illuminated the streets below with a dim, dusk-like light. I returned to the car, the World War II-era Cadillac hearse provided for me by the Winter Court, and which I had dubbed the Munstermobile, and retrieved my staff from where I had stashed it in the backseat.

As I slammed the door, I saw the woman. She approached the restaurant’s parking lot slowly, a pair of thin silver rods crossed in an X in front of her, as if she were dowsing for water. It was hard to make out a lot of detail in the darkness, but I could see that she was short, maybe three or four inches taller than Murphy, with a wild mass of shoulder-length waves and some enticing curves visible beneath her sweater, jacket, and jeans.

I watched as she disappeared around a building across the street, dowsing rods practically dragging her along behind them, and I began to follow.

As I traced her steps around the building, I became aware of something that reminded me a little bit of Molly’s One Woman Rave, a wash of strobing lights in pink and yellow and red and blue dancing across the brick of the building. I didn’t need to stretch out my wizard’s senses to feel the power gathered there.

Rounding the bend, I saw the woman standing silhouetted before a massive swirling, pulsing vortex of color hovering a couple feet above the pavement. She looked tiny and vulnerable in front of that ocean of energy, as if she could be consumed by it any minute, vanishing into its depths. Cautiously, I moved closer, around to her side, and saw her eyes wide and unblinking as they gazed into the light. An ever-shifting spectrum of color danced across her fair features, giving her an otherworldly cast, making her seem immaterial, almost as if she was made of the light itself. Her eyes stayed locked on the vortex. She wasn’t just seeing; she was Seeing. Her Sight was wide open. God knew what she was seeing in there.

She whirled and anchored those wide, dark eyes on mine. I had to shift my gaze slightly to the side to prevent the start of a soulgaze; that was the last thing I needed right then. She stared for a few seconds, then blinked several times, shaking her head as she evidently closed her third eye. Then she looked up at me again, her features shadowed with suspicion.

“Who are you?” she demanded. “What are you doing?”

“Uh,” I said, full of eloquence and wit.

She took a step towards me. She was more than a foot shorter than me, maybe just a few inches taller than Murphy, but she leaned forward, jutted her jaw, and glared at me.

“Well,” I said, finally deigning to answer her question (but only after a stubborn delay), “I’m Harry, and I was out here going about my day when I thought to myself, Self, I wonder if there are any big, colorful vortexes to see in town. And what do you know, I found one. It’s my lucky day.”

“Vortices,” she said.

“What?”

“Not vortexes. Vortices. The plural is vortices.”

I raised an eyebrow and regarded her for a few seconds, then said, “I also thought to myself, Self, I wonder if there are any grammar Nazis hanging around those vortexes. And what do you know, I found one. It’s my lucky day.”

She rolled her eyes at me and turned back to the vortex. “Okay. I don’t have time for this.” Casting a sideways glance at me, she flapped her hand in a dismissive gesture. “Shoo.”

A wave of icy fury swept over me, that this woman would presume to dismiss me like that, but I had gotten pretty good at discerning the difference between my own emotions and the sharper, colder, more visceral effects of the Winter Mantle. I took a breath, reining in the violent instincts of the Mantle before they could start calling the shots, and regained control.

The woman tensed and turned to look at me, narrowing her eyes as if she had sensed the danger. But before either of us could react further, something came out of the vortex.

It was a nebulous, translucent mass at first, with no real static shape. It seemed to shift and warp as it moved past the swirling colors of the vortex, as if it couldn’t quite decide what shape it wanted to be.

Then it emerged into the cool autumn air and solidified. Muscles rippled as they formed under black, leathery skin, and huge wings unfurled and whipped downward, creating an air current for the creature to hold itself aloft with. The batlike creature turned its head and glared down at us with red eyes, and my first thought was that it was some sort of vampire, but larger. Much larger.

Its long, wolflike muzzle opened and presented us with a hungry smile full of sharp teeth. And then it shrieked, long and loud, and another wave of soul-rending horror descended on the world.

[memoirsverse]

Dresden Files/The Authors of Paradise: Dark Days, Chapter 2

This is a crossover fan novel featuring my own characters and world of The Authors of Paradise, blended with those of Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files. This derivative crossover work is being written for the sheer fun of it, with no financial gain. Jim Butcher owns Harry Dresden, The Dresden Files, and all associated characters. I own Evelyn Alvar, Arabella Thorne, Thornebridge Manor, The Authors of Paradise, and all associated characters. I’ve taken the two worlds, mashed them together, and whipped up this meandering thingamabob. Mmm, tasty.

This novel is rated M for Mature, because it’ll get bloody.

Table of Contents:

Chapter 1

ii. Harry

The entire world exploded into panic, and it completely ruined my lunch at Burger King. I have all the luck.

Hey, I didn’t say it was good luck.

I had just returned from a grueling weekend in rural Louisiana, helping a psychic Paranetter who had found herself unwittingly being used as a conduit for a demonic spirit attempting to take form in the world, care of an object that had been used as a vessel for housing and transporting the spirit in the physical world. That sort of thing doesn’t just randomly happen; somebody had to have called it up and put it there, but I hadn’t quite figured out who, or why. I did know one thing, though– these sorts of incidents were becoming more and more prevalent lately, and widespread. If it was the work of a single person or group, they were throwing one hell of a wide net.

I had gone and returned by train, disembarking a little after one in the afternoon, hungry and unwashed and exhausted. I hadn’t felt like making anything at Molly’s apartment (I still couldn’t bring myself to call it home. It was borrowed. It wasn’t mine) so I decided to make a grub stop at Burger King.

I ordered. I sat. I started to eat. The sun went out.

Figures.

Burger in hand, I stepped outside to see what was happening, then staggered under the sudden, vicious psychic assault that swept over me like a particularly nasty tidal wave. Before I could even register what was happening, something cold and furious had surged to life inside me with icy fury to press back against the assault. The Mantle of the Winter Knight, taken on after a deal struck out of sheer desperation with Mab, the Queen of the Winter Court of Faerie, came with its own set of perks, which more often than not looked a hell of a lot more like curses to me. The battle seemed to wage for hours, but when the assault lifted, I was sure it had only been minutes.

I lifted my head and looked around, breathing heavily through flared nostrils, every muscle wound tight and ready to spring into action the instant I saw something to attack. I didn’t feel beaten down or defeated. I felt feral. I felt enraged that something would dare encroach on my space, on my person. All around me, I could see people recovering, still panicked but apparently not under the influence of… whatever that had been. They sprawled on the pavement, some of them sobbing, others stricken to horrified silence, still others clinging to one another as they looked around in vain for what could have caused their sudden collective panic.

They all looked like prey to me. Easy pickings. Vulnerable, confused, weak. It would be so easy to…

Drawing in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and began reciting multiplication tables in my head. It took a minute or two, but the influence of the Mantle waned, and I felt a bit more like myself again.

Whatever that meant these days.

Dragging my thoughts kicking and screaming back into focus, I rose to my feet, letting my eyes travel around in search of anything that could shed light on the situation. I knew I hadn’t been the one to send the psychic attack packing; I’d barely been able to weather it as it was, even with the Winter Mantle leading the defense. Maybe it was on a timer or something. Maybe their favorite show came on T.V. and they just couldn’t stand to miss it.

Maybe it was a test run, and something bigger and badder was on the way.

“Dammit,” I muttered, and gave a last, mournful look at my burger before tossing it in a nearby trash can. Lunch would have to wait.

The world wasn’t completely dark, despite the lack of power everywhere, and when I looked up, I saw that the sun was actually obstructed by something, ringed by a brilliant red halo that illuminated the streets below with a dim, dusk-like light. I returned to the car, the World War II-era Cadillac hearse provided for me by the Winter Court, and which I had dubbed the Munstermobile, and retrieved my staff from where I had stashed it in the backseat. 

As I slammed the door, I saw the woman. She approached the restaurant’s parking lot slowly, a pair of thin silver rods crossed in an X in front of her, as if she were dowsing for water. It was hard to make out a lot of detail in the darkness, but I could see that she was short, maybe three or four inches taller than Murphy, with a wild mass of shoulder-length waves and some enticing curves visible beneath her sweater, jacket, and jeans.

I watched as she disappeared around a building across the street, dowsing rods practically dragging her along behind them, and I began to follow.

As I traced her steps around the building, I became aware of something that reminded me a little bit of Molly’s One Woman Rave, a wash of strobing lights in pink and yellow and red and blue dancing across the brick of the building. I didn’t need to stretch out my wizard’s senses to feel the power gathered there.

Rounding the bend, I saw the woman standing silhouetted before a massive swirling, pulsing vortex of color hovering a couple feet above the pavement. She looked tiny and vulnerable in front of that ocean of energy, as if she could be consumed by it any minute, vanishing into its depths. Cautiously, I moved closer, around to her side, and saw her eyes wide and unblinking as they gazed into the light. An ever-shifting spectrum of color danced across her fair features, giving her an otherworldly cast, making her seem immaterial, almost as if she was made of the light itself. Her eyes stayed locked on the vortex. She wasn’t just seeing; she was Seeing. Her Sight was wide open. God knew what she was seeing in there.

She whirled and anchored those wide, dark eyes on mine. I had to shift my gaze slightly to the side to prevent the start of a soulgaze; that was the last thing I needed right then. She stared for a few seconds, then blinked several times, shaking her head as she evidently closed her third eye. Then she looked up at me again, her features shadowed with suspicion.

“Who are you?” she demanded. “What are you doing?”

“Uh,” I said, full of eloquence and wit. 

She took a step towards me. She was more than a foot shorter than me, maybe just a few inches taller than Murphy, but she leaned forward, jutted her jaw, and glared at me.

“Well,” I said, finally deigning to answer her question (but only after a stubborn delay), “I’m Harry, and I was out here going about my day when I thought to myself, Self, I wonder if there are any big, colorful vortexes to see in town. And what do you know, I found one. It’s my lucky day.”

“Vortices,” she said.

“What?”

“Not vortexes. Vortices. The plural is vortices.”

I raised an eyebrow and regarded her for a few seconds, then said, “I also thought to myself, Self, I wonder if there are any grammar Nazis hanging around those vortexes. And what do you know, I found one. It’s my lucky day.”

She rolled her eyes at me and turned back to the vortex. “Okay. I don’t have time for this.” Casting a sideways glance at me, she flapped her hand in a dismissive gesture. “Shoo.”

A wave of icy fury swept over me, that this woman would presume to dismiss me like that, but I had gotten pretty good at discerning the difference between my own emotions and the sharper, colder, more visceral effects of the Winter Mantle. I took a breath, reining in the violent instincts of the Mantle before they could start calling the shots, and regained control.

The woman tensed and turned to look at me, narrowing her eyes as if she had sensed the danger. But before either of us could react further, something came out of the vortex.

It was a nebulous, translucent mass at first, with no real static shape. It seemed to shift and warp as it moved past the swirling colors of the vortex, as if it couldn’t quite decide what shape it wanted to be.

Then it emerged into the cool autumn air and solidified. Muscles rippled as they formed under black, leathery skin, and huge wings unfurled and whipped downward, creating an air current for the creature to hold itself aloft with. The batlike creature turned its head and glared down at us with red eyes, and my first thought was that it was some sort of vampire, but larger. Much larger.

Its long, wolflike muzzle opened and presented us with a hungry smile full of sharp teeth. And then it shrieked, long and loud, and another wave of soul-rending horror descended on the world.

[janethepegasus]

So i saw Matpat’s latest video about shared universes (starting with Doom and somehow connecting it with Kingdom Hearts) and my crazy brain thought it would be a good idea to expand it even FURTHER all because he used Spider-Man to connect to Thanos in Fortnite (yes seriously)

So behold, all the shit i had to go through to make connections to everything i can find and think of

So since all Spider-Mans are in one multiverse, that means all versions of Spider-Man are canon, so let's look at two cases of alternate Spider-Mans. Theres the Japanese Spider-Man, which was created by Toei as a collab by Marvel, Toei also created Super Sentai, which has connections to Kamen Rider (Super Hero Taisen), Metal Hero (some crossover movies), and obviously Power Rangers. Power Rangers had a crossover with TMNT, which has connections to not only other versions of TMNT but also other series like Batman (basically the whole DC universe is involved), Archie, X-Files, Ghostbusters, Rabbids (they were an extra character in a fighting game, as like a promotion for the new game), and all the toons that showed up in Cartoon All-Stars, like the Smurfs, Alf, Garfield, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Winnie the Pooh (which is already tying back up to Kingdom Hearts), Muppet Babies, Looney Toons, and Ducktales.

Now Muppet Babies is part of the Muppet franchise, the Muppets are connected to Sesame Street, which opens up a can of worms for connections. Some characters cameoed in Between the Lions, Mr Rogers' Neighbor Hood, The Electric Company, Reading Rainbow, Poky Little Puppy, and a bunch of these characters appeared in a We are Family music video, which has *inhales* Bear in the Big Blue House, Barney, Arthur, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Rugrats, The Magic School Bus, SpongeBob SquarePants, Dora the Explorer, Blue's Room, Blue's Clues, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Kim Possible, The Proud Family, LazyTown, Lilo & Stitch: the Series, Madeline,Little Bill, The Fairly OddParents, Zoom, AND a whole bunch more shows.

Obviously Jimmy Neutron and Fairly Odd Parents had a crossover (three in fact), but those other shows had crossovers too, like Rugrats having a crossover with Wild Thornberrys, Lilo and Stitch had crossovers too, they had crossovers with The Proud Family, Kim Possible, Recess, and American Dragon Jake Long. Spongebob is connected to a lot of Nicktoons shows through the bumpers on the channel and had a major crossovers with Fairly Odd Parents, Danny Phantom, Jimmy Neutron, Tak, and Invader Zim in the Nicktoons Unite games.

Looney Toons is connected to all other Hanna Barbera property, which had crossovers as well (look at Scooby Doo and Tom and Jerry, they're LOADED with crossovers with other series), as for the Looney Toons cast themselves, examples include Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, Pokemon (in a commercial in Kids WB), The Justice League, Wild Kratts (Kinda? The two characters, Road Runner and Wild E. Coyote, were pretty much referenced as a way to say that real life coyotes can catch up to road runners), and The Amazing World of Gumball. And Pokemon had a crossover game with Nobunaga's Ambition called Pokemon Conquest. AND Ducktales is connected to Darkwing Duck and the same goes with the reboot.

Okay now back to where we started, Power Rangers had a crossover episode with Masked Rider, which is an adaptation of Kamen Rider Black RX, Kamen Rider had a FEW crossovers with other series, like Crayon Shin-chan, Pac-Man, Osomatsu-San, Hello Kitty, Pretty Cure, and a few others. Pretty Cure only had crossovers with itself but there is one pic floating around the internet showing one of the Cures standing in front of Arresterdramon Superior Mode, so it might hint to a commercial happening during that time. Hello Kitty has a ton of crossovers with different series, such as Sonic, Cookie Run, Pac-Man, Puzzles and Dragons, Doraemon, Yokai Watch, and several others. In Osomatsu-San Hesokuri Wars, they have costumes/sets of the six brothers being yokai, magical girls, monsters, angels, knights, super heroes, greek

gods, and others. Yokai is also connected to Yokai Watch, which has it's own crossovers with other series, like Final Fantasy, Terminator, Inazuma Eleven (which had commercials that crossed over with Despicable Me), The Seven Deadly Sins, Detective Conan, Hello Kitty (which brings this back to Hello Kitty and its crossovers), Inuyasha, Professor Layton, and several others. Professor Layton had a crossover game with Ace Attorney, which has many references and a small amount of crossovers.

Now let's move on to another Spider-Man, the one from Ultimate Spider-Man, obviously he's connected to the other Marvel shows that take place in that universe, but Spider-Man had crossover episodes/specials with Phineas and Ferb and Jessie, Jessie having connections with other Disney Sit-com shows like Austin and Ally, Good Luck Charlie, Liv and Maddie, and a few others, HOWEVER Mr. Moseby from the Suite Life of Zach and Cody appeared in one episode, which means that Jessie is in the same universe as That's So Raven, Hannah Montanna, Cory in the House (yeah yeah yeah, i can hear the anime memes from a mile away -_-), and Wizards of the Waverly Place. Phineas and Ferb also had crossover specials/episodes with Star Wars and Milo Murphy's Law, Star Wars has many crossovers and references in other shows, like the Muppets, Seasame Street, Captain N, Mario (in that old Mario cartoon episode where they parodied it), Putt-Putt, Megaman, Duke Nukem, Star Trek, Indiana Jones, Dragon Ball, Transformers, Metal Gear, Angry Birds, Lego, Club Penguin, and several others.

The Star Wars references were in Megaman V and Megaman Zero, sprites from Megaman Zero were used to create sprites of TV Tome Adventures, which then became TOME: Terrain of Magical Expertise and then it turned into the video game version of that show, the creator of the show, Kirbopher, did an animation related to Super Mario RPG, and had many voice roles like in Mob Psycho 100, Pokemon, and other series. Dragon Ball is the prequel of Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball Z Super made it clear that there's other universes so all of those are connected as well, and Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z had crossovers with other shows like One Piece, Dr Slump, Astro Boy, Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo, and a few others. Metal Gear had crossovers and references in Terminator, Gundam, Castlevania, Mario, Zelda, Ape Escape, Yugioh (which connects itself to the other seasons like GX, 5D's, Zexal, Arc-V, and Vrains), Monster Rancher, Yoshi, The Standley Parable (only in the demo), and several others. Transformers, since it's made by Hasbro, is also connected to other Hasbro property, such as My Little Pony (and Equestria Girls), and they had references to other series in both the show and in the IDW comics, like pony versions of Rick and Morty appearing in one episode, pony versions of characters from Sailor Moon, Gravity

Falls, Kill La Kill, Scooby Doo, Powerpuff Girls, Frozen, and few other shows and even pony versions of IRL people like Gordon Ramsey. Transformers had crossovers and references to other series as well such as G.I Joe, Doctor Who, Spider Man, Star Wars, Marvel, and several other shows, and apparently Jem, Inhumanoids, C.O.P.S, and Robotix takes place in the Transformers universe.

Angry Birds had crossovers with other series like Rio, Star Wars, Puzzles and Dragons, Transformers, Sonic, The Muppets, and many levels in their games make references to other series. Lego Dimensions is full of crossovers, like The A-Team, Adventure Time, Back to the Future, Beetlejuice, DC Comics, Doctor Who, E.T, Fantastic Beasts, Ghostbusters (both the original and the 2016 reboot), The Goonies, Gremlins, Harry Potter, Jurassic World, Knight Rider, Legends of Chima, other Lego property, Lord of the Rings, Midway Arcade, Mission: Impossible, Portal, Powerpuff Girls, Scooby-Doo, Simpsons, Sonic, Teen Titans Go!, and The Wizard of Oz. Speaking of The Simpsons, they had crossovers with other shows like Family Guy and Futurama, AND they cameoed appeared in South Park, and Family Guy is in the same universe as American Dad and The Cleveland Show. The Simpsons also had crossovers with The Critic, X-Files, King of the Hill, Robot Chicken, Bob's Burgers (which means it's also connected to the Archer Show), Rick and Morty, and several series get mentioned in the show itself. As for Sonic, he had a crossover comic series with Megaman, he had crossovers in the comics with Sabrina the Teenage Witch and DC (it was part of a Sonic Super Special comic but for some reason the Wikis won't tell me if it's generally DC or some part of it >:/ ), Sonic had levels in Sonic Lost World that were crossovers with NiGHTS, Legend of Zelda, and Yoshi's Wooly World, in Sonic Forces, there's DLC costumes that are based off of NiGHTS, Beat from Jet Set Radio, AiAi from Super Monkey Ball, and Joker from Persona 5. Sonic had crossover games with other SEGA series, but in Sonic Dash, they had events that had crossovers with Angry Birds, Hello Kitty, and Pac-Man. In one of the Vocaloid games, Miku had a costume that was a Sonic hoodie, to celebrate Sonic's anniversary, Vocaloid made many songs and some of these songs branch out into their own series, one of them being Black Rock Shooter, and i swear BRS was a guest character in some fighting game but i don't remember what the name was.

Okay, now let's head back to Marvel, one of the characters that's paired up with Spider-Man (except for the Movie universe) is Deadpool, and in one comic, he takes a girl to see Hamilton. In one of the Hamildrops, they did a crossover song which was a mix of Story of Tonight and You'll be Found from Dear Evan Hansen called "Found Tonight", one of the actors from Dear Evan Hansen is now playing the role of Jeremy in Be More Chill, and in the original 2015 performance of BMC, the actor who played Jenna also played Martha in Heathers, and Eric William Morris, who played Squip, also played Jordan in The Ballad of Little Jo. And since we're using actors to connect series...*inhales* Lin Manuel Miranda (who plays Alexander in Hamilton) also had roles in In The Heights, 21 Chump Street, Mary Poppins Returns, Ducktales Reboot, Do No Harm, Looking for Maria Sanchez, Sesame Street, House M.D, and a few others. Mary Poppins Returns is a sequel to the original Mary Poppins so they instantly connect, and i'm gonna make a crazy theory of House M.D taking place in the same city (or state) as Blue Bloods and Forever, both shows have characters played by Eric William Morris, who had roles in Trust, Greed, Bullets, and Bourbon, Royal Pains, As The World Turns, and few other small roles. But one of his current roles is Carl from King Kong Broadway, which is based off of King Kong, and King Kong had a crossover film with Godzilla, and there's a short film that had Ultraman and Kamen Rider (i think it was Godzilla?? It was a giant lizard thing :/). However, King Kong was the inspiration behind Donkey Kong, which now has connections to both Mario and Donkey Kong series. Donkey Kong had crossovers/references with Frogger, Pitfall, Qubert, Mickey (from Disney), Punch Out, Mother, Earthworm Jim, Kirby, Crash Bandicoot, Banjo Kazooie, Pokemon, Animal Crossing, Scott Pilgrim, The Fast and the Furious, Class of 3000, Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!, Big Bang Theory, Metroid, Pushmo, Minecraft, Gravity Falls, Wreck It Ralph, Pixels, Skylanders, several others, and had japanese exclusive songs in Donkey Konga that had songs from Super Sentai, Pretty Cure, Pikmin, Naruto, Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo, Fullmetal Alchemist, Dragon Ball Z, Star Fox, Fire Emblem, Kid Icarus, Ice Climbers, and several others.

Minecraft had a Super Mario texture pack in the Switch version of Minecraft, plus a Steven Universe texture pack as well, there are console exclusive skins based off of characters from Gears of War, Halo, Banjo-Kazooie, Dust, Tony Hawk, Left 4 Dead, Boarderlands, Conker, Half-Life, Portal, Assassin's Creed, Mass Effect, and several other shows. Steve from Minecraft can be an unlockable character in games like Super Meat Boy, Choplifter, Retro City Rampage, and Creepers can be found in Blocks that Matter, Boarderlands, Torchlight, and Minecraft is refernced in Adventure Time, Octodad, The Stanley Parable, Skyrim, and South Park. And since Minecraft has Halo skins, this ties into Red VS Blue, a show that uses assets from the Halo series. And Red VS Blue appeared in a promotional video alongside the main cast of RWBY. Mother (or Earthbound) is the inspiration for Undertale, which had a sequel called Deltarune, and in one of the locations in Deltarune is a place called "Ice-E's Pezza", and Burgerpants mentions a guy named "Purple Guy" which is a reference to Purple Guy from Five Nights at Freddies. Crash Bandicoot had two crossover games with Spyro the Dragon and had references in Uncharted, Futurama, Johnny Test, Family Guy, Jimmy Neutron, The Country Bears, Jak and Daxter, Friends, The Simpsons, Tomb Raider, and several others. And Mickey is one of the characters in Kingdom Hearts, so now we come in full circle with Matpat's theory.

So started with Spider-man (well two versions of Spider-man) and ended it with Mickey, i'm sure there's other series out there that i forgot to bring up but eh, this is long enough :/

[halfdesertedstreets]

Pronunciation Guide + Name Origins for ‘red in tooth & claw’

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Alright, so @khashanakalashtar has recently created a wonderful new podfic for my fic, red in tooth and claw. This has inspired me to finally finish up and post my pronunciation guide! For anyone who’s ever read this fic and wondered, ‘How the hell do I say that???’ or ‘How did she come up with that name?’—here you go! I hope this helps!

Tagging @beaniebaneenie & @najatapl because y’all expressed interest. :)

(Note: This is how I pronounce things, and if you pronounce it differently in your head, that’s fine. Completely valid, in fact! Except for the names that aren’t made up; those have proper pronunciation that I just borrowed.

Also, if I put an ‘h’ after a vowel, assume it’s a short vowel, with the exception of ‘ah,’ which sounds like the first syllable of ‘autumn.’ 

Please message me if you have any additional questions!) 

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Daemon—pronounced like ‘demon’ in the same way ‘archaeology’ is pronounced ‘ar-kee-ology.’ (If you’re like me and still pronounce it ‘day-mon’ in your head, you’re valid, and I love you.)

Isolde—pronounced ‘ih-SOLD.’ Can also be pronounced ‘ih-ZOLD’ or ‘ih-SOLD-uh’/‘ih-ZOLD-uh.’ Her name is Welsh by way of Germanic, and means ‘ice lady/queen,’ or possibly ‘ice shield,’ which I thought was fitting. Fans of Arthurian/Welsh legend will recognize the name from star-crossed lovers ‘Tristan and Isolde,’ which I thought was also apt.

Valkyria—pronounced ‘Val-keer-ee-uh,’ with the ‘a’ in ‘Val’ sounding like the ‘a’ in cat, though it can also be pronounced ‘Vahl,’ like the ‘a’ in ‘all.’ Norse/Germanic in origin, her name refers to the mythical warrior women who chose those who would die in battle. Most of Kent’s family’s daemon names are Germanic in origin.

Eleuthymia—pronounced ‘eh-’or ‘ih-loo-THEEM-yuh,’ her name is Greek in origin and comes from combining the words for ‘freedom’ and ‘spirit/soul.’ So she’s literally named ‘free-spirited.’ (Shoutout to @motherfuckingnazgul for catching that!)

Dianthe—pronounced either ‘dee-ANTH’ or ‘die-ANTH,’ like the name ‘Diane + th.’ Greek for ‘flower of the gods,’ with the genus dianthus containing carnations and pinks.

Ciarán—pronounced like ‘KEE-rin,’ it’s an alternate spelling of the name ‘Kieran,’ and Gaelic in origin, meaning ‘little black/dark one.’

Alfvandr—pronounced ‘alf-VAHN-der,’ I derived it from Norse ‘Alfvaldr,’ which means ‘elf ruler.’

Fortindair—pronounced ‘for-tihn-DARE,’ I literally just combined the name ‘Fortinbras’ from Shakespeare’s Hamlet with an alternate spelling of ‘dare.’

Nymaeve—pronounced ‘nih-MAYV,’ like the month of ‘May + v.’ I combined Welsh ‘Nimue,’ meaning ‘memory,’ with Irish ‘Maeve,’ meaning ‘intoxicating,’ and took a page out of GRRM’s book and used ‘y’ to make it look fancy. Her nickname is pronounced ‘NIHM.’

Rzeznik—a Polish surname pronounced ‘ZHEZ-nik,’ where the ‘zh’ sounds like a very soft ‘j,’ like the last consonant in the word ‘garage.’ Zezzie is pronounced ‘ZHE-zee’ or ‘ZEH-zee,’ honestly depending on which of their teammates knows how to pronounce his last name.

Zyllena—pronounced ‘zih-LEH-nuh,’ I completely made this name up and have no idea what it means.

Bergeron—common French-Canadian last name, pronounced ‘bur-zhur-on,’ where ‘zh’ is once again like the last consonant in ‘garage.’ ‘Berger’ is pronounced the same, just minus the ‘on,’ thought Kent absolutely calls him ‘Burger’ to mess with him.

Donatella—pronounced ‘dahn-uh-TEHL-uh,’ the first syllable is pronounced the same as ‘dawn.’ Latin in origin, meaning ‘given by God.’

Tamsin—pronounced ‘TAM-sihn,’ the origin is the Cornish version of ‘Thomasina,’ meaning ‘twin.’

Gilgara—pronounced ‘gihl-GAH-ruh,’ with hard ‘g’ both times; another made up name, somewhat inspired by Gilgamesh, mythological Sumerian king of Uruk.

Gaheris—pronounced ‘guh-HEHR-iss.’ Named after the Arthurian knight.

Gawain—pronounced ‘guh-WAYN.’ Also named after the Arthurian knight, the brother of Gaheris. I headcanon most of Southern whites’ daemons have names that draw from Arthurian or Classical Greek and Roman traditions.

Briseis—pronounced ‘brih-SAYS,’ Greek in origin, meaning ‘daughter of Bris.’

Nerysta—pronounced ‘neh-RIHS-tuh,’ Greek in origin. Her name means ‘sea nymph.’

Ogochukwu—pronounced ‘o-go-CHOOK-woo,’ where the first two o’s are long, like the ‘o’ in ‘no.’ Nigerian (specifically Igbo) in origin, her name means ‘God’s favor.’ I named her after one of my favorite teenagers at my parish.

Adlamara—pronounced ‘add-luh-MAHR-uh,’ her name is a variation of Germanic ‘Adelmar,’ meaning ‘nobly famous.’ Also doubles as a combination of Hebrew ‘Adalya,’ meaning ‘I shall be drawn up from God,’ with ‘Mara,’ or ‘bitter.’

Alexander—pronounced ‘a-lehks-ANN-duhr,’ Greek in origin, meaning ‘defender of mankind.’ The Duans’ daemons named him after the Classical Greek figure so he and Larissa wouldn’t stand out, plus they liked the meaning of the name. He did end up standing out for having a ‘human’ name, but luckily neither he nor Larissa minded.

Xú Feng—pronounced ‘shoo FUHNG,’ she is named after the Taiwanese wuxia actress 徐楓. ‘Feng’ is her given name, and she takes her family name from Chris’s patrilineal daemon line; most Chinese and Chinese-descent daemons have family names that differ from their humans’.

Kye—pronounced like it rhymes with ‘eye.’ I made this name up, though I headcanon that their assigned birthname was ‘Kyria,’ (pronounced ‘keer-ee-uh’) Greek for ‘lady,’ as in counterpart to ‘lord.’

Julietta—pronounced ‘joo-lee-EHT-uh,’ Italian in origin, meaning ‘young.’ 

Ananke—pronounced ‘uh-NANG-kih,’ she is named for the Greek personification of necessity, compulsion, and inevitability—the mother of the Fates, which I thought was fitting for Johnson.

Lestrega—pronounced ‘leh-STRAY-guh,’ it’s bastardized Italian for ‘the witch.’

Tynden—pronounced ‘tihn-dehn.’ I made this name up, so no meaning.

Samson—pronounced ‘SAM-suhn,’ Hebrew in origin, meaning ‘the sun.’

Ustinya—pronounced ‘oo-STEEN-yuh,’ it’s a Slavic name derived from Latin ‘Justin,’ meaning ‘just, rightful, proper.’ 

Shemaiah—pronounced ‘sheh-MAY-uh,’ Hebrew in origin, meaning ‘God heard.’

Gloriandette—pronounced ‘glohr-ee-uhn-DETT.’ A name I cobbled together, ‘Glory’ is self-explanatory, and the addition of ‘-dette’ means ‘little.’

Coramaris—pronounced ‘cohr-uh-MAHR-iss,’ where the first syllable is pronounced the same as ‘core.’ Latin in origin, it’s a combination of ‘cora + maris,’ or ‘heart + sea.’

Erra—pronounced ‘EHR-uh,’ she’s named for the Akkadian god of plague.

Svetlana—pronounced ‘sveht-LAH-nuh,’ it’s a Slavic name meaning ‘light,’ or ‘pure.’

Xiomara—pronounced ‘zee-oh-MAH-ruh,’ with the first two syllables blended together. Spanish in origin, her name means ‘battle-ready,’ and I totally named her after Jane’s mom in Jane the Virgin. Her nickname is pronounced ‘Zo,’ like it rhymes with ‘go.’

[tokupedia]

Linkara’s Kamen Rider Fourze review

@atopfourthwall

REVIEW KITAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Hello, Channel Awesome fans! I am one of the many western representatives of this little fandom Mr. Lovhaug is about to encounter in the comments section of the video you see before you.

Now the first thought that some annoyed fans of his unfamiliar with KR might ask is…”Why this? This isn’t a comic!”

Ah, but a comic book creator is responsible for its inception, or in this case a manga creator: Shotaro Ishinomori. He was known for creating a lot of superheroes in Japan among other things. Plus, Kamen Rider has been adapted into superhero manga stories like Kamen Rider Spirits or Futo Detectives and its original incarnation’s main character was a manga drawing concept first before becoming a TV star.

And for those disappointed that Secret Origins Month was cut short, well this counts as an origin of a super hero, just one you are not familiar with. So ..you get three origins to heroes this year instead of four *shrugs* Plus, Lewis deserves a break and a honeymoon after all that non-stop work. :)

0:33-0:34: “Known for having an insect-like look” Hmm… fair enough. The core trait of a Kamen Rider is that they have detailed and round compounded eyes on the mask. (most of the time, some play with that aesthetic or drop it altogether). The original 15 Riders were themed after different insects and this bug theme carried over on and off again until Double. (OOO briefly brought it back with the Gatakiriba Combo). The producers, costume designers and staff also decided to play around with various costume themes aside from bugs like Oni, Japanese folklore with trains, a Vampire with a stylized pumpkin head, chimeras, wizards, video game genres ..and cars. This season’s hero as of late 2017, is organic things like animals fused with inorganic objects! (A Hawk mixed with a Gatling gun for example).

If one were to ask me personally about what the draw is, it is the slightly heavier focus on characters than fluff and a balancing stance on being as over the top and crazy as possible or having dramatic and quiet moments that invest you in what is going on….also crazy-awesome weapons and karate cyborgs and/or men in belt activated power suits who can stop/destroy evil by kicking and punching them really hard!  And bikes! Cannot forget the cool motorbikes!

Fun fact, the original Kamen Rider’s actor also played Segata Sanshiro!

0:57-1:02: “Patreon sponsors will get a KR: Dragon Knight review if they donate enough $$” Given the pattern I’ve seen so far based on this and the preceding Gokaiger review, odds are you are more likely to encounter/collide into a request for either another toku series from 2011-2012-2013 or an anniversary event of media like Gokaiger vs. Gavan or Ultraman Mebius. Am I the only one noticing that he has done anniversary seasons of different franchises and both are from 2011?

1:03-1:25 GAH! MASKED RIDER! *DEMONIC HISS* Yeah, some KR fans can agree this was a horrible mistake as Saban tried too hard to force Kamen Rider into a Power Rangers mold…which doesn’t work because there are tropes and elements that separate the two that cannot be removed to fit that format. Also the fact that KR was absent from TV for most of the ‘90s aside from clipshow specials and a 12 minute crossover with Ultraman in one said special. Using clips from the darker Shin Kamen Rider movie and the two movies directed by Keita Amemiya was just a hodgepodge mess when blended with Black RX.

1:26-1:28: Ah, Dragon Knight! A good series adaptation screwed over by 4Kids execs for those wondering why it was cancelled despite winning an Emmy.

1:43-1:53: Even Linkara dislikes Ferbus, the Jar-Jar of our fandom.

1:55-2:36: Four-Zay. It has to do with Japanese pronunciation of the “e” sound. Don’t feel bad about the complaints though, we are getting drama right now here about the correct pronunciation of the current secondary hero Kamen Rider Cross-Z. It is just one of the pitfalls of being fans or observers.

The reason for the space theme was to celebrate the 50th anniversary of man’s first flight into space, hence the astronaut motif of Fourze’s costume!

4:10-17: It’s a Space Station. Though it would be easier to identify as such if Sir Alec Guinness was present. 

4:35-37: It is a kind of male cowlick pompadour, he is reflecting the style of a high school Yanki in popular Japanese fiction. But, unlike them, he isn’t a jerk. Also, I really like saying pompadour. Pompadour, pompadour! Pooom-paa-douuur!

4:50-58: “Better to be an idiot than a tool” I want that phrase on an arts and craftsy bathroom sign that you get at a flea market to hang on my wall.

4:59-5:30: I can accept you not liking the visuals and critiquing the opening but sorta liking it, that’s fine. But... this is our jam, so let’s crank it! Ladies and gents of the uninitiated to Kamen Rider, for your possible audio pleasure I give you...SWITCH ON! by Anna Tsuchiya! Woooooooo!

5:36-42: Don’t tempt fate man. Toei is a vicious beast when it comes to Kamen Rider related materials on the interwebs, ask Des or anyone in the toku community. Also since you mentioned the complaints about subbing: *Queen music* Another one gripes the subs, another one gripes the subs, and another logs on and another logs on. Another one gripes the subs! Hey, he’s trying to do a review, but another one gripes the subs!

... Sorry.  Also, fans, be thankful he took time out of his busy (and now married) life to even do this. He could have ignored the request to do a Rider series and gave you nothing...just sayin’.

5:43-50: heheheh....Setup.

6:19-29: aaaand pay off of a man surprised by a burger toy being in a show when he was only being sarcastic about one being there. This burger thing actually has some possible explanation behind it. See Kamen Rider had changed TV sponsors in the start of the 2010s. One of those new sponsors? The American fast food giant, McDonald’s. Yeah, as part of a deal with the toy company Bandai and TV Asahi, the mighty Golden Arches could sell Happy Meal Toys (or Happy Set toys as they are known in Japan) of Kamen Rider characters and promote Bandai’s Ganbaride and later Ganbarizing arcade game by handing out special collectible trading cards in the kids meal. The Foodroids, as the assorted mini bots are called, are all coincidentally based on McDonald’s food products like McNuggets, burgers, a milkshake, french fires and the Japan exclusive McHotDog Classic. Still, not as cool as the McMegazord or a Mr. T Holographic Trading Card.

6:45-48: “Always follow the nice one talking about friendship and stuff, that person will become an all powerful god or something.” Wait....is that a Madoka reference? Hehehehe...should I tell him?

7:16-22: Well, the idea is that Gen wants to be a good friend to everyone by reaching out to people and trying to help them, even if they won’t admit that they have problems. He’s just that nice of a guy. And...it works. There is an excellent article that the now defunct Comics Alliance did a while back on Fourze that explains it better.

7:41-55: Amanogawa High School (shortened to AGHS by some fans) is a Japanese education structured school but has an American high school aesthetic, especially with social cliques and the environment reflecting one. 

(Minus the budget cuts and selfish parents and politicians refusing to pay more taxes to further improve learning and engage in creative activities, increase a teacher’s pay or failing to maintain the building and spending all the special education and tutoring money on a new football stadium)

8:01-05: That is the power of Koichi Sakamoto at work. Yes, THAT Koichi Sakamoto.

8:28-30: Powder-izer? Sounds like an Avon product, what is this... Powder-izer you speak of, stranger of our ways? I kid, I kid. I know that one’s going in the New year’s bloopers. Go easy on him folks, to err is human.

9:10-13: Yuki is useful at times and is a good friend, it depends on who’s writing the episodes how the characters act. Sometimes a Rider series can have up to four writers working on it, hence why some shows suffer in quality while others are more consistent.

9:53-10:00: “It’s a Bomb!” Ha!

10:24-26 Saw that coming a mile away...and still a good reference joke.

10:27-30: Fourze’s suit design is loosely based on another creation done by Shotaro Ishinomori, Skyzel from the Space Ironmen Kyodyne show of the mid 1970s. Fans of Lucky Star already know of that series thanks to the humorous karaoke of Konata singing the opening theme song. It took a bit of getting used to when fans first saw the suit, but most of us grew to love it!

13:07-17: That is Tomoko Nozama, a precious little cinnamon roll who is a geeky goth that is into the occult and urban legends. She will be an important thing later, but that comes past the point where he stops.

13:28-47: No surprise, this show is about the younger Millennials and the Japanese writers actually do research on subjects beforehand in some cases. Unlike the luddite schlock kings of tinseltown, who think com-pew-tors are magic boxes or write them as such thinking the audience is stupid.

14:05-08: *Driver.

14:24-30: Well, if that didn’t shock you, I know a scene in a little show called ToQger that will make you yearn for the days of seeing a bike go into space. Or a Shinkenger V-Cinema or even...Amazons.

14:40-46: Ah, legacy. The original plan for this series was that the kids would investigate the Kamen Riders and their legends and gain the powers of past Riders in switch form...which was turned down by execs due to Decade doing something like that a few years back. The idea in some ways was salvaged in expanded non-canon materials, Legend Rider toys and the Ganbaride game. Since Linkara went a bit fast on that shot, the Riders you see before you in the footage are Kamen Rider 1 (the first Rider if the number didn’t give that away), Super-1 (Rider #9 from 1980 and also astronaut themed like Fourze, only mixed with a hornet), Black RX (Evolved form of Kamen Rider Black from the late ‘80s) and Kuuga (first Kamen Rider of the new millennium) and a scanned newspaper photo clipping of Futo Tower’s destruction by the evil Kamen Rider Eternal from the Kamen Rider Double summer movie. (great film, check it out after you watch a bit of Double!)

14:50-53: Behold, the most Redbubbliest logo in our fandom!

16:40-44: *spits drink and laughs* Does....does he know what KR Ghost is? Even if he doesn’t, that is too surreal, given Ghost’s poor reception among some fans after a certain point punctuating the joke.

16:50-56: Well, Japanese Superheroes don’t really always go for the secret identity thing. It is admirable that they are willing to risk their own privacy and lives just to save someone. They don’t do the dumb thing some comic book heroes do where they have to choose between their secrecy or saving a life, they just suit up and go right to it! Plus, with such a large community of heroes with them or the confidence they can defeat their foes, risk of death is minimal in most cases unless a “defeat flag” is triggered.

18:30-34: Miu grows as a character, she does become a little nicer and realizes the value of true friends later.

19:05-08: Shun is a jerk at first, but there is a good reason for that involving his life at home.

Yeah, the fourth episode is a bit weak.

Happy you like Gentaro!

21:40-22:04: Well, it depends on the suit and Mr. Seiji Takaiwa’s direction by the film crew. Some fights are fastpaced, some slowly build and others fizzle out with a beatdown or curbstomp. I’d argue that it is more Gentaro being new to fighting in-suit as he later learns things like kick boxing, gets better at using his Astroswitches and mixing his fighting style with the use of his jetpack. Koichi Sakamoto did a good job on the out of suit fight action and the battles got more intense in the movies due to a higher budget.

All in all, a fun time for everyone! Now I did see the comments of those who were curious about where to start with Kamen Rider and I’ll answer with the usuals that most recommend: Black, Amazon, Kuuga, Den-O, Double, the original 1971 show, OOO, Ex-Aid, Drive and Gaim. 

Before leaving this post, I have something to personally say to Mr. Lovhaug and the KR fandom will agree this is a good choice…

That quote from Mr. Belt is useful when somebody ties the knot!

Count up your sins and make amends. Believe in hope and your friends. Let the desires of a bright tomorrow, overcome every sorrow, and may you love each other ‘til Diend!

May your love for Viga always be in top gear and your lives together burn bright!

The Kamen Rider Fans of the USA, UK, etc.

Thank you for your time Lewis and giving our heroes a moment in the spotlight! We are grateful! 

A. Fox

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #180 - Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

Spoilers below.

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: No.

Format: DVD

1) So with the first film writer James Gunn had written a darker script meant to poke fun at the original series and gain a PG-13 rating, but after the cast signed on this was changed into a family friendly film. With the sequel, writer Gunn returns and this time everyone knew what kind of movie they were going to make from the beginning (which relates to some more solid structure in this film than the last).

2) Scooby-Doo Theory holds that whoever the protagonists talks to first is the person who did it. The first person they talk to in this film is Alicia Silverstone’s Heather Jasper Howe who ends up being the bad guy.

3) Okay, Coolsville opens up a museum exhibit about Mystery Inc. and their past foes. It is said that the gang, “donated,” the costumes. But…why are the costumes their’s to donate? Aren’t they police evidence? Do they steal the costumes from every crime as some sort of weird trophy and stash them all in a storage locker somewhere? Am I overthinking this? Let’s move on.

4) What the heck!? Seth Green is in this movie!?

5) Linda Cardellini continues to be absolutely excellent as Velma Dinkley, but one side we get to see in this film that we didn’t in the first is lovesick puppy Velma. Her crush on Seth Green’s Patrick is portrayed as cute, sweet, honest, and is just enjoyable to watch. I think Cardellini is great in both of these films and gets an even greater chance to shine in this one.

6) I always liked The Evil Masked Figure in this film.

I think it’s purely a taste of aesthetics. I like the metallic head, the hair, the cloak. He’s not really a character so much as a plot device and he does pale in comparison to the classic monsters which populate the film, but I just dig the design.

7) I think the early action set piece of Shaggy and Scooby getting pulled around the museum by the Pterodactyl Ghost is a little stagey. It FEELS like they’re on a film set as opposed to even the fun of the cartoon chases. But that just may be me.

8) What the fanboy in me loves about this film is the way it brings in all the classic monsters from the old cartoons. James Gunn is a fan himself and it shows because - much like he is able to fill up Guardians of the Galaxy with notable characters, references, and alien species - he brings in a lot of A-list villains from the show. The Black Knight Ghost and the 10,000 Volt Ghost in particular were always favorites of mine and it is REMARKABLY fun to see them, the Tar Monster, the Zombie, Captain Cutler’s Ghost, and The Miner 49-er brought to live action (among others).

9) Okay, so Heather Jasper Howe’s reporting is 100% slander and illegal. She is taking everything Mystery Inc. says out of context to make them appear bad in the public light. Yes, she’s the villain, this is part of the plan. But unless you’re working for an obviously biased news source like Fox News you would not be allowed to get away with this. Still, when I start to question the realism of a Scooby-Doo movies the whole thing falls apart.

10) The primary conflict for Scooby and Shaggy in this film is them questioning their worth/value to the team. This makes for surprisingly interesting character conflict and an equally surprising emotional arc for the film. I like it!

11) According to IMDb:

The original Scooby-Doo episode dealing with the pterodactyl ghost featured a villain and motive that were quite different. The pterodactyl/hang glider costume was used to smuggle pirated music, with the small-town mayor behind the whole scheme.

12) I cannot begin to express how funny my tiny eight year old self found this joke.

Shaggy [after the gang goes through all their notes, which Scooby has been jotting down]: “Scooby-Doo, what’s your conclusion?”

Scooby: “Bunny!”

13) I have a feeling this film had a product placement agreement with Burger King. Scooby was drinking from a Burger King cup earlier and then this:

14) I may have watched The Mummy too many times.

Fred: “What could possibly happen by ringing a doorbell?”

15) So Shaggy messes with a record player and “Baby Got Back” starts playing. Which begs the question: WHO ON EARTH HAS A VINYL OF “Baby Got Back”!?

16) According to IMDb:

At one point in the film, Scooby and Shaggy are pretending to sing into a toilet brush "microphone". The song they are actually singing is Strangers in the Night - Frank Sinatra's version featured the improvised scat lyrics, "Scoo-bee-doo-bee-doo", lyrics which then-CBS executive Fred Silverman chose as the name of the new cartoon series. The original name for the dog was "Too Much", a popular catchphrase of the era.

17) The entire Black Knight Ghost chase through the mansion is very cartoonish, which I mean as a compliment. It feels like it is ripped straight out of an old episode of the cartoon, speaking again to the great way James Gunn handles the source material.

18) Why is Daphne wearing a shirt with her own face on it?

19) Again: this made me laugh so hard as an eight year old.

Black Knight [after Velma kicks him in the nuts]: “Right in the round tables!”

20) This film was released in 2004, can you tell?

Fred: “…this mystery goes down like a dot com and Coolsville digs us again!”

21) I ship Velma and Daphne. I have a feeling so does James Gunn.

(Screenshot taken of a GIF originally posted by @ezekiels)

22) Linda Cardellini gets to be exceptionally funny in this film for one BIG reason:

Patrick: “Do you have to go to the bathroom?”

Velma: “No, I can’t in this outfit.”

23) The Faux Ghost.

This is a wonderful concept featured in the film which once again shows off just how deeply familiar writer James Gunn is with the source material. Just the idea that a bar for all the people Mystery Inc caught exists is wonderfully fun. The art design and characters all stand out in a wonderfully fun scene.

24) Whoa, this is pretty deep for Scooby-Doo 2.

Old Man Wickles [about being a masked villain]: “We needed people to believe we were different than we were. Maybe because we believed there was something wrong with who were in the first place.”

This also means the song which plays in the club - “Thank You For Letting Me By Myself” - has much more meaning than one might initially expect.

25) This line was improvised.

Velma [after she lets out a squeak]: “That was my outfit, I swear.”

26) It’s kinda fun seeing Seth Green go into psychotic badass mode on this goon. My primary experience with him is through “Buffy” where he mostly plays his character as emotionally controlled. This is a fun change from that. Also, Shaggy gets in a sick burn because of it.

Shaggy [after seeing Patrick act a little crazy]: “But we gotta make like your personality and split!”

27) What even is this movie!?

Old Man Wickles [after Scooby gives away his position hiding in a bush]: “Darn bushes toweling at me again.”

AGAIN!?

28) Ah, the potion gag.

So there was a lot of work trying to figure out exactly what gags to use. At one point, Scooby was going to turn into his hand drawn counterpart as a replacement to a much less favored gag of Scooby turning into George W. Bush. The filmmakers didn’t want to compare 3D Scooby with 2D Scooby so they had him turn into the Tasmanian Devil instead. It’s kinda random and pointless, but not unenjoyable. It’s kinda fun to watch, it just has nothing to do with the rest of the plot.

29) In this moment, I am Shaggy.

Shaggy: “We’re gonna die!”

Daphne: “Think positive!”

Shaggy: “We’re gonna die quickly!”

30) Okay hold on a second: the monsters share the same hatred of Mystery Inc. that their portrayers had? But why? They’re not the same people are they? Do they have the memories of their human counterparts? Are they the vision of the criminals who portrayed them fully realized?

31) The old high school clubhouse scene is a surprisingly poignant moment of vulnerability and character interaction for Mystery Inc. The flashback - even though it’s a little cringe worthy seeing the young Mystery Inc (with their awkward imitations of the main cast and weirdly dubbed over voices from the main actors) - allows for us to understand the core of their relationship. In a lot of ways, this is the beating heart of the film. Mystery Inc and the friendship they have with each other.

32) Again: I am Shaggy.

Shaggy [while being chased]: “This is tied for the most terrifying day of my life!”

Velma: “Tied with what?”

Shaggy: “EVERY OTHER FREAKING DAY OF MY LIFE!”

33) HOW DID THE BLACK KNIGHT GET A GHOST HORSE!? Wouldn’t they need a horse costume to do that?

34) Ah, Buffy speak used by a “Buffy” actor.

Daphne: “Taste the pain Mr. Glowy Ugly Thing!”

35) I love this.

Velma [after Shaggy and Scooby say they’re trying to be more like the gang]: “That’s funny. I always wanted to be like you guys.”

This speaks greatly to just how freaking important Shaggy and Scooby are to the group. They’re the beating heart, it’s called Scooby-Doo for a reason. And the fact that Velma is able to so honestly and believably say she wants to be like Shaggy and Scooby is a surprisingly touching moment in the film.

36) It only took Velma 45 years to admit this.

Velma [after her glasses fall off]: “I’ve got to consider contact lenses.”

37) According to IMDb:

The Cotton Candy Glob is a tribute to the Cotton Candy Monsters who appeared in the story "Goop on the Loose" in the Scooby-Doo comics published by DC Comics, where the culprits were a child and two henchmen trying to get revenge from being fired from a carnival. The Cotton Candy Monsters were mentioned in A Pup Named Scooby-Doo: Terror, Thy Name Is Zombo (1989).

38) I JUST got that the game of keep away they play with the monster making control panel reflects the game of frisbee we saw them playing in the flashback.

(GIF originally posted by @leaveatraill)

39) Tar Monster seems like he has a ridiculous amount of power. Like he can single handedly nearly kill ALL of Mystery Inc. Why not just release the Tar Monster on the world? I feel like THAT’D be a better plan!

40) The Evil Masked Figure is unmasked and revealed to be Heather Jasper Howe. But her hair and makeup are perfect. Shouldn’t she have - like - helmet hair or something?

41) Scooby running to Shaggy like they haven’t seen each other in ages is totally unearned. Shaggy just put on a mask and took it off and Scooby acts all excited! But, it’s still kinda nice.

42) What the heck? This film has a secret mini movie!?

A commercial!?

Much like the first Scooby Doo film, Monsters Unleashed is hardly a cinematic masterpiece but the kid in my absolutely loves it. The characterization is continually strong (as is the acting), it’s a lot of fun to see the old monsters in a live action format, and it’s just an enjoyable 90ish minutes. There are movies which have aged worse so if you have fond memories of this or are a fan of the Scooby-Doo franchise, give it a watch.

[ramajmedia]

Peter Jackson's Movies, Ranked By Rotten Tomatoes | ScreenRant

Peter Jackson is one of the most renowned directors working in Hollywood today. He might be most famous for bringing J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle-earth to life on the big screen (in true George Lucas fashion, he did it perfectly with one trilogy and then divided fans with a prequel trilogy), but he’s directed a bunch of movies besides that.

RELATED: 7 Things in Lord Of The Rings Canon That Peter Jackson Ignored

He actually got his start in the “splatter” subgenre of horror as a young filmmaker in New Zealand. Some of his movies have fared well with critics; others haven’t done so well. So, here are Peter Jackson’s Movies, Ranked By Rotten Tomatoes.

14 The Lovely Bones (32%)

Peter Jackson has only ever made one major misstep in his career, and The Lovely Bones is it. It’s about a teenage girl who is lured into a weird shrine by a pedophile (who couldn’t look more like a pedophile with the thick-rimmed glasses, greasy hair, and creepy smile) and then murdered.

She then wanders the Earth as a lost soul, watching her family as they reel from her death. It could’ve been a powerful work of teary-eyed young-adult coming-of-age drama in the right hands, but Jackson just didn’t strike the right tone and the movie failed as a result.

13 The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (59%)

It spelled trouble the second Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema decided to adapt The Hobbit as an eight-hour Lord of the Rings-style trilogy, because the book isn’t suited to that. It’s basically a fairy tale.

The Lord of the Rings encompasses three giant volumes, but The Hobbit can be read in an afternoon – where did the producers get the idea to adapt both of those to the same length? (Well, of course we know where: the promise of billions of dollars.) The third Hobbit movie focuses on “the Battle of the Five Armies,” an event that has absolutely nothing to do with any of the main characters, leaving them to be sidelined.

12 The Frighteners (63%)

In this horror comedy, Michael J. Fox plays an architect who finds himself able to communicate with ghosts and spirits following his wife’s death. This leads to a run-in with the specter of a mass murderer and the Grim Reaper himself.

One critic has described The Frighteners as a cross between Ghostbusters and Twin Peaks, but it doesn’t have the heft of either of those projects. Tonally, that description is right on the money, but whereas those two can be watched over and over again and never become tiresome, this one runs out of steam before the end of the first viewing.

11 The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (64%)

It wasn’t too long after The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey hit theaters that fans started calling it The Phantom Menace of Peter Jackson’s Middle-earth saga. As the first installment of a prequel trilogy to a beloved and almost perfect cinematic saga that overuses CGI effects, has too many cheesy comedic characters, and ultimately fails to live up to the original, it’s fair to say that that’s an accurate description.

RELATED: 5 Reasons Why The Hobbit Trilogy Wasn't As Good As The Lord Of The Rings (And 5 Why It Was Better)

Sitcom star Martin Freeman has too much of a cynical, wink-to-the-audience quality to carry the weight of one of these trilogies on his shoulders. The Fellowship of the Ring, this ain’t.

10 Bad Taste (68%)

Peter Jackson’s directorial debut certainly lives up to its title. It combines horror, science fiction, action, horror, and a healthy dose of its titular tastelessness for a delightful, if gut-wrenching romp.

Like most first-time directors tackling an indie feature, Jackson leaned into his low budget and made a big-budget movie on a low budget for a rough, messy, but endlessly fun moviegoing experience. The plot sees an alien fast food chain coming to Earth to grind up human beings into meat for their burgers, and it only gets more absurd from there. Surprisingly, Bad Taste put Jackson on the film industry’s radar.

9 Meet the Feebles (71%)

Moviegoers enjoyed the novelty of Jim Henson-style puppets appearing in an R-rated movie with tons of swearing, sex, and graphic violence a couple of years ago in The Happytime Murders. However, Peter Jackson had reveled in this gimmick – and with much more effective results – years earlier with his film Meet the Feebles.

The black-comic tone of the film might not be to every viewer’s tastes, but with catchy musical numbers and a perverse puppeteering style, Meet the Feebles expertly uses juxtaposition to its favor. It’s an adult-oriented delight for people who grew up on Sesame Street and The Muppet Show.

8 The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (74%)

If The Hobbit had been adapted as a two-part film as Guillermo del Toro intended and not stretched out to a trilogy, it would’ve been another story.

In The Desolation of Smaug, scenes that last a paragraph in the book and never should’ve been included in a film adaptation in the first place, due to their lack of consequences and relevance to the plot, are dragged out into half-hour set pieces. In Peter Jackson’s quest to make The Hobbit films as grand and epic as The Lord of the Rings films, what we got are movies that don’t feel grand or epic, but are really lo-o-o-ong.

7 King Kong (84%)

Since the original King Kong is one of cinema’s most revered classics, Peter Jackson took on a practically Herculean responsibility when he signed on to remake it. Jackson has said that he was struck by how much the original made him care about the titular ape, so that’s what he strived to do with this remake.

And it’s fair to say, since he used the motion-capture technology he pioneered with The Lord of the Rings trilogy and cast his Gollum, Andy Serkis, to play Kong, he managed it. We’re never on Carl Denham’s side – we see that the ape is just a fool in love.

6 Braindead (86%)

In his early days as the “splatter” king of New Zealand, Peter Jackson made this hilariously gory horror comedy about a man living with his mother who gets into trouble when he beds the wrong girl and a rabid rat-monkey turns the town into a horde of the undead.

Although it wasn’t a big box office success on its release, Braindead quickly became a cult classic, and in Time Out’s survey of the horror genre’s foremost actors, directors, and writers, Braindead was determined to be the 91st greatest horror film of all time. Simon Pegg also noted it as a huge influence on Shaun of the Dead.

5 The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (91%)

Peter Jackson was shooting all three Lord of the Rings movies back-to-back, so if the first one didn’t hit, he would’ve been in a lot of trouble. The first chapter had to make such a strong impression on audiences that they’d be willing to commit to two more movies over the next couple of years.

Thankfully, The Fellowship of the Ring made that impression. It introduced audiences to characters they could root for – Frodo, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, the whole gang – and successfully sold the weight of what was at stake with a stunning prologue and an ensuing narrative to back it up.

4 Heavenly Creatures (92%)

Heavenly Creatures was Peter Jackson’s cinematic dramatization of the Parker-Hulme murder case, which rocked Christchurch in 1954 and has continued to echo throughout the New Zealand consciousness – in books, plays, novels, and of course, movies – ever since. The shocking case saw a 16-year-old girl and her 15-year-old friend murder the 16-year-old’s mother.

Until then, Jackson was known as the “splatter” guy – this movie proved he was a real filmmaker. This was the movie that gave Kate Winslet and, to a lesser extent, Melanie Lynskey (best known as Charlie’s stalker Rose from Two and a Half Men) their big breaks, and earned Jackson and his co-writer Fran Walsh an Oscar nod for Best Original Screenplay.

3 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (93%)

The closing chapter of Peter Jackson’s big-screen adaptation of The Lord of the Rings trilogy ended things in such a satisfying way that the Academy gave it a record number of nominations, and then when it won every single award it was up for, it also set the record for most wins.

RELATED: Everything We Know (So Far) About Amazon's Lord Of The Rings Series

And bear in mind that it’s unheard of for the Academy to even consider awarding a fantasy movie. Shooting the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy back-to-back was a monumental and ambitious undertaking, but it’s clear from The Return of the King that Jackson was up to the task and then some.

2 The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (95%)

The second part of a trilogy tends to be the best – The Dark Knight, The Empire Strikes Back, The Godfather Part II, The Road Warrior, the list goes on – because it doesn’t have to set anything up and wind anything down. It’s a stepping stone; it’s all action.

However, most Lord of the Rings fans would consider The Return of the King to be slightly better than The Two Towers, because it’s the epic finale and, against all odds, it’s actually a satisfactory conclusion to the story. But then again, The Two Towers has the breathtakingly cinematic Battle of Helm’s Deep sequence that the MCU attempts to top three times a year.

1 They Shall Not Grow Old (100%)

The most impressive achievement of this World War I documentary is the colorized imagery. Peter Jackson took grainy, black-and-white photographs from 1914-1918 and gave them a splash of color and a touch-up to make them look like they were taken today by an HD digital camera.

As a tribute to all the young men who fought in the First World War, many of whom gave their lives, They Shall Not Grow Old is a powerful and poignant study that more than earns its rare 100% rating. The fact that the doc was released in 2018, exactly 100 years after the conflict ended, is the icing on the cake.

NEXT: David Fincher's Movies, Ranked By Rotten Tomatoes

source https://screenrant.com/peter-jacksons-movies-ranked-rotten-tomatoes/

[jeremyhechtsblog-blog]

Powerful Week

Tuesday

It’s 1:47 pm. My phone rings. It’s a call from Burbank, California. I’m on the fourth floor of the library preparing some slides. I let it ring.

Then I decide to answer because I wasn’t being very productive anyways.

“Hello is this Jeremy?”

“Hi, yes it is!”

“This is Mckenzie from Power 106. I’m calling about the internship, do you have time to talk?”

I am pretty excited right now. But I’m also kind of nervous because I’m on the fourth floor of a library so people are probably looking at me like “who does this kid think he is? Someone shut him up!” I don’t blame them. I walk down to the elevator and do my mid-elevator and the rest of it outside the library. I black out for half of it but I think I still do a good job.

“We should be giving you a call tomorrow!”

I text my friend Jeremy Morantz telling him I got the call from Power and he is really excited for me. I remember over Winter break telling him that I applied for the internship. I told him it was the only internship I applied for this semester but I had a good feeling about it. He told me he thought I would get it even with the 150+ people who apply annually, but that either way I shouldn’t worry too much about it because it’ll all work out how it’s supposed to. He was right.

Wednesday

It’s 1:24 pm. My phone rings again. Burbank, California. This time, I am expecting a call.

“Hey Jeremy, it’s Mckenzie from Power 106. So we would love to have you on as a part of our team for The Cruz Show.”

Friday

An Uber pulls up to my place and an extremely familiar face walks out. My friend Griffin is in town for the weekend. This is a guy who has been as important an influence as anyone in my life. We talk about life, love, success and everything in between, and I can always count on him for life wisdom and support. We have both grown a lot together this year.

“What’s up Hechtar?”

Griff meets John and we all go to Roscoes for some fresh Chicken and Waffles (Chicken Counter – 1). It was delicious. Still the best thing I’ve ever tasted.

We go up to Santa Monica to meet my prof, Jeff Fellenzer, who has been one of the most influential people to me out here and who is one of my biggest mentors. This semester I am TAing for his Sports, and Media Technology class. Griff is a big sports fan so we talk about the NFL in LA, Jeff’s career path and how everything we want in life is really possible. Jeff was meeting with another student before me, Ben, who happens to be a fellow Canadian!

Griff and I go to California Pizza Kitchen for a salad.. but we also split a BBQ Chicken Pizza (Chicken Counter – 2)

We go to my friend Sophie’s for a bit, we wander downtown and then I show him a couple of bars that I like in Hollywood.

Saturday

I give Griff a tour of USC campus and we walk past a lunch celebrating the empowerment of women. I ask what the lunch is for and the staff tells me we have to be registered. A lady comes from behind us and says, “come with me boys.” Sounded a little sketchy but when a woman at an empowerment lunch tells you to come with her, you follow. We go along with her and she places wrist-bands on us.

“Enjoy your free lunch.”

A big finesse move for the boys. We get free lunch and celebrate women. What do we have for lunch? You guessed it – Chicken. This time in the form of wraps. They are really good (Chicken Counter – 3).

Saturday Night

The Winnipeg Jets are in town tonight and we have tickets! Our tickets are $35 in the third level. We both wear Jets gear and meet up with my friends Alanna and Repski and his friend Brett. At the first intermission we meet up with my friend Kylie who is also from Winnipeg and we talk about how much different LA is and how we miss Greenroom (our former hometown bar).

After chatting with some really nice Kings fans on Facebook live and enjoying some chicken tendy’s (Chicken Counter – 4) we go down to meet up with Repski for the second intermission. Brett had made some new friends (after a few drinks), two older gentleman – one wearing a Jet’s jersey and the other wearing a light blue Hockey Night in Canada jacket. The guy in the Jet’s jersey knows our old elementary school gym teacher, Mr. B. He calls him Buck. Great guy. The guy in the Hockey Night in Canada jacket asks if we want to sit in their row because there were empty seats next to them. We say sure, can’t turn that down. The lady at the gate says that if we don’t have tickets we can’t go down. I say that our friends are saving the tickets for us in the row. 

We walk down to row 5 and see the third period and overtime from the best seats that I have ever sat in for a hockey game. The atmosphere is electric. A King’s fan – older dad – almost gets into a fight with Brett and is more fired up about a goal than I have ever seen anyone get – regardless of their age. Jets lose but the boys win big with another finesse move. $35 row 5 tickets at Staples Center. Big plays.

Sunday

We play some basketball at the USC gym. There is one guy wearing a green shirt who is an absolute riot to watch play. It’s not that he is a bad player, he’s an okay shooter, it’s just that he likes to shoot from half court for no reason. Everytime we passed him the ball, everyone groaned in their head because they knew a half court shot was coming. We came away with a big victory and a couple of big losses. We meet a dude named Andrew - at least I think that was his name. Great guy.

We go to Malibu with John and have a great photo shoot on the beach. I’ll definitely be posting some big Instas from it. We have fish tacos and burgers (NOT CHICKEN - WOW!!!!!!!!) at this place called Duke’s which is great stuff. We watch some football and relax.

Sunday Night

John and I have people over and host what turns out to be a really fun party (kickback – as they call it here). 2 noise complaints, one spilled drink and a frozen bottle of champagne is a successful night in my books. Some hilarious stories, but you’ll have to ask me about them in person.

Monday

We go to a place called Grinder for lunch. It is not in fact a place where people meet up from the gay dating up with the same name - instead, it’s a phenomenal lunch place. Reminds me of Sals, which reminds me of home. We talk about how being yourself and having self-awareness is the greatest thing you can have in life. And about how you can never get mad at someone for their reaction to your actions because their reaction is based on a completely different life perspective than yours.

Monday Night

Griff bought me tickets to the Clippers vs. OKC game. Griff wears his Russell Westbrook UCLA jersey and I wear Griff’s Calvin Cambridge LA Knights jersey from the movie, Like Mike. I don’t get a single compliment. We see an incredible game from JJ Reddick and Mo Buckets!!! And Russ plays a tough game without much help from his team.

We meet up with John and grab some Asian food before bed. The mushroom chicken was really good (Chicken Counter – 5). We watch some Vince Carter highlights with Terrance and then go to bed.

Griff goes home the next morning and it’s back to reality. It’s been a really good break. I had a great weekend with a lifelong homie and I had a great time relaxing. But I am so ready to get back to work and hustle towards my goals.

Tuesday

I email Power.

“Thank you, I’m really looking forward to the opportunity.”

“We’ll see you Thursday.”

Lessons:

If Something Feels Right - Do It

I was stressing a lot this week because I had another potential opportunity on the table that would have made me unable to take the internship at Power. I was overthinking about future opportunities and what would come from each of them going into the summer here, but then when it came down to it, the opportunity at Power felt right so I took the job. Like my mom texted me, everything will work out. Remember that.

Things Happen for Reasons, Even if You Don’t Understand Them at the Time

After I met J. Cruz and worked on the Chance The Rapper interview at Power, I was disappointed that nothing else came from it. But everything has a way of working itself out. I gained other experiences, put the time in, and came back stronger than ever. And it all ended up coming back around. Trust that if something doesn’t work out for you right away, whether it’s with a relationship, job opportunity, friendship, or whatever it is - that is wasn’t mean to at that time. Keep moving forward and pushing towards your goals and you will see that things have a funny way of working themselves out.

Good Support Systems are Everything

If you find people who genuinely support you and make your life better, hold on to them, because these people are rare. Griffin has been one of my best friends forever but he continues to bring value into my life and support me even from all the way back home. I don’t take that for granted. He also told me that I have a great support system around me here. People like John, Jeff, Repski, Terrance and all of my friends here support me and want to see me do well and I appreciate that more than any of them know. Keep the genuine people around you who will keep you grounded and humble. Thank you to my friends back home and my new friend out in my new second home.

And remember, it’s your life -  so do what you want to do and don’t let anyone else tell you what’s best for you. Only you know. Have a great day and I’ll let you know how my first week at Power goes. Love to you and yours.

 `

[ask-de-writer]

The Knights of Justice (Part 1 of 3) : An MLP Fan Fiction

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THE KNIGHTS OF JUSTICE

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

Cover Art by The Whisper Sisters, now Wind the Mama Cat

© 2014 by Glen Ten-Eyck

6842 words

Writing begun 08/27/14

All rights reserved.  This document may not be copied or distributed on or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may reblog the story.  They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions.  I will allow those who do commission art works to charge for their images.

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Prologue: This tale takes place about 4000 years in the past of the modern MLP canon. During this time, Celestia and Luna are still fillies, though close to grown physically. The events here recorded are part of the foundation of the modern kingdom of Equestria.  Specifically, this tale begins what are now known as THE DAYS OF FORTRESS CANTERLOT and the founding of the Knights of Justice.

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For more background information on the canon of this tale, please read:

De Writer and the Orb of the Ages

Hearthwarming Eve / Starvation’s Night

From Darkness to Dawn

Fortress Canterlot!

De Writer’s Tale (a narrative poem)

The Coming of Tam O’Canter and Heather Bloom O’Red Hoof to Ponyville

De Writer canon (part 1)

De Writer canon (part 2)

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The Great Hall of Camarg was in an uproar.  The King, with his Queen beside him had to raise his scepter to demand quiet.  That was enforced by the Herald's trumpet blast and call of, “Their Majesties demand silence!  It is understood that you have complaint to lay before them.  This shall be done in an orderly and civil fashion!

“This is a Royal Court, not a village commons!

“Baron Sir Salten, I believe that your business was first.  From what I am hearing in this unseemly clamor, most of you have similar cases to bring.

“Listen to Baron Sir Salten. If your case is similar to his, go to the left of the room.

“In this way, we can speed up this mess.”

The King of Camarg raised his wings impressively where he sat his throne and intoned, “Baron Sir Salten, what is it that has you here before me?”

The Baron doffed his steel chanfron helmet and stepped forward, limping a little.  “I shall be blunt, Your Majesty.  I have been robbed.  My guards were driven off, my tax wagon taken and emptied of all the casks of dried fruits, nuts, and grains that it carried.

“I led an expedition of armed force against the robbers and was driven away!  Salten needs assistance to stop this incursion!”

The King, Camarg II, of Camarg, tilted his head and gave Salten a hard stare.  While he was doing so, more than half of the Noble  Pegassi and Unicorns had gone to the left of the room.

Camarg II, King of Camarg did not hold his position by being entirely stupid.  He whispered to a page near him.  That pony retreated and returned shortly.  He handed the king a scroll.

He sat on his throne and reviewed the contents of the scroll carefully.  Several in the Court were reminded that this was not just show.  Camarg was literate.  He looked up with a small, tight smile and pronounced, “It appears that you are not being fully honest with me, Salten.  Your taxes were reported as fully collected and the Royal Levy taken.

“How then, can it be that you are robbed of the contents of a TAX WAGON?”

A number of those who had gone to the left, quietly sneaked back to the right side of the Great Hall.

“My Liege!  You are ignoring the important issue of Fealty!  I have been attacked and you must, by oath support me with arms!”

“Salten, Salten,” Camarg said dismissively, “Fealty works TWO WAYS.  You are to support Me by the Royal Levy in time of peace.  In turn, I am to support you in time of war or famine.

“YOU ARE FORBIDDEN to collect any tax without a Royal Dispensation, to be sure of the proper distribution of the Levy.

“I agree, in principle, that Salten needs armed support.  I will investigate FIRST this fraud of the taxes.  I was about to call you to Court, when you came on your own.  The villages of Roachmane and Tailswitch have both sent ranking burgers to complain of being taxed twice.”

“They do mention the force that defeated you.  Two pegassi, two unicorns and four earth ponies.  Not exactly an invading army.  

“According to the burgers, the unicorns of this force marked all the chests and casks by magic when they returned everything to the villages.  They advised the villagers to come to My Court for redress.  Again, not precisely the actions of a hostile force at arms.”

Queen Megan spoke softly from her throne.  “Salten, I have seen the reports and spoken to the burgers of Roachmane and Switchtail.  They say that when you were driven off, that you were trying to bring back the tax wagon to take what was not yours for the second time.”

Behind them, down the Great Hall, the removal to the right again became a near stampede.

The Queen put it simply.  “You are seeking to manipulate Fealty to gain Our help an unlawful collection of a Levyless tax.

“You seek to gain Our assistance in robbing both Us and your own tenants at the same time.”

Multicolored light from the stained glass windows shone on the left side of the hall, where no noble ponies were.

The Queen's sardonic glance took in that fact.  She declared, “We have received a goodly number of similar complaints.  They are all from villages on the side of the kingdom facing the Sunlord's old land.  There is a new power rising there.

“Far up a steep mountain side in that empty land is a mighty fortress named Canterlot.  The Sunlord attacked that fortress.  In only a few battles, he was not only defeated, he was destroyed.  We have not moved to try taking any of the land that was his.  It is now under the sway of the Fortress Canterlot.”

She stared down the nobles most known for their fractious and warlike behavior.  One, Count Wilton, squirming a bit under the Queen's pitiless stare, replied, “Your Majesties, perhaps we are being too timid here.  They must be severely depleted after defeating the Sunlord.  Now could be the advantageous time to strike and strike hard!  We have much to gain and little to lose!”

King Camarg gave him an amused and dismissive glance.  “Thought of, Wilton.  Investigated and decided against after receiving factual reports.

“We sent a delegation under truce to Canterlot.  They are ruled by two Princesses.  Besides finding that their standing army is over four times ours, our delegation discovered that the entire army is composed of volunteers, largely from the Sunlord's old forces.  They are also fanatically loyal to the Princesses.

“Those Princesses personally led the battles where the Sunlord was, first defeated and then, when he would not give up his tactic of murdering the wounded, they destroyed him.  Personally.  On the field of battle.

“More, they gathered the fallen, regardless of side, and did their best to heal all of the injuries of misfortune or war.  That is part of where the fanatical loyalty comes from.  They do not just lead battle, they heal its aftermath.”

Queen Megan picked up, “That healing is not limited to upper classes or warriors, either.  After the Sunlord was defeated, they sent their army back up his line of march.  Their orders, which were followed, were to help rebuild or repair houses, barns, byres.  To see what could be saved of orchards, vineyards and crops.  Wounded, sick or injured peasants were taken to Canterlot and healed if possible.

“To the Princesses in Canterlot, justice and fair treatment extend to all, even donkeys.” She shook her head at the bizarre notion.

Briskly, King Camarg replied, “That could be seen as a great weakness but I have to wonder about that.  Remember, Salten, the force that drove off your armored fighters was only four earth ponies, two unicorns and two pegassi. The puzzle is simple.  Why  more earth ponies than either of the groups that are capable fighters?

“Perhaps we can have our answer soon.  As we sent a delegation to Canterlot under truce, so also have they.  I had word that they have arrived a short while ago.”

The herald's trumpets blasted a fanfare.  The lead Herald called out, “Make Way for the Delegation from the Twin Crowns of the Equestrian Lands of Fortress Canterlot!” The large doors of Great Hall opened.

The delegation from Canterlot entered the throne room of Camarg.  They were led by a dark mare, easily as large and light of build as a horse.  Her color was hard to determine.  Black?  Dark blue?  Try the color between the stars of a clear midnight sky.  She had a horn, long narrow and straight, far longer than the horn of any unicorn pony.  Along her sides were folded the largest wings that any there had ever seen.

She wore a simple crown of gold, enameled with the same blue as herself and bearing the emblem of a crescent moon.  It matched her flank marks and the great pectoral necklace that she also wore.

Her mane and tail were long and flowing, the same midnight hue as herself.  They rippled like a wind blew them and there were stars to be seen in them, though the constellations were strange.  Her hooves on the stone pave, before she came to the carpet runner that led to the throne, were silent.

It was as if a dream had walked into the daylight of the throne room.  Behind her were two unicorns, one brown and one blue.  Two pegassi in war harness, Chanfron helmets doffed, followed them.

They followed the Dark Mare to the foot of the Throne dais.

There, the Dark Mare, knelt into a curtsy.  Both unicorns bowed.  Both pegassi curtsied.

Camarg was wise enough not to insult them by making them wait.  “Arise and be recognized.”

Courteously, the vision of a Dark Mare replied, “I do thank you, Your Royal Majesty.  My name is Princess Luna of the Equestrian Lands of Fortress Canterlot, Guardian of the Night, Keeper of Dreams and the True Embodiment of All Nightmare.  These, my followers are: my Foster Father De Writer, the inventor of that art which you find so useful.  Justice Truth Keeper, to whom a lie is impossible.  Wing Commander of our Royal Pegassi, Swift Feather and Wing Commander  of our Royal Pegassi, Bright Cloud.

“We are here at the invitation of your Royal Delegation to discuss proper bounds, boundaries and the enforcement of Just Law.

“If I may say so, your Royal Majesty, we have made a study of your Law and find it mostly fair and just.  It has but one great flaw.”

Camarg looked skeptically across at the disturbingly tall Princess, so unlike any creature of his experience.  He, on a throne atop a three step dais, was at her eye level.  His Queen Megan was also discomfited by Luna's size but wise enough to ignore it.

Sounding truly interested, she inquired, “And what, Princess Luna, is that flaw in our law?”

Luna smiled at her and Queen Megan found herself actually at ease with her strange visitor. Luna's reply was, “You were just dealing with that flaw when we arrived.  It is not the law that is at fault.  It is those entrusted to administer and carry out that law in a fair and just fashion.

“Your taxes, for instance, are reasonable and well divided according to the types of work done and crops that are raised.  Not only do those monies and goods support yourselves and your nobles, a portion is set aside for relief of your populace in famine or disaster.  All of this is wise and well designed.

“Baron Salten's unlawful tax expedition is an example of the  problem.  First, the Barons gather the tax, which is all properly accounted and your Levy taken.  Later, without your knowledge or authorization, a second tax is taken, solely for the benefit of the Barons and Knights of the Realm.  This second tax, they call the “Gleaning,” so that if, in speaking of it, they are overheard, it will sound innocent.

“On our way here, we did interrupt Baron Salten's unlawful gleaning.  Since both the Law and Honor of our Hosts, your Royal selves, were at stake, we took the liberty of disrupting the crime and returning the stolen goods to their rightful owners.

“My followers, here, begged me the boon of correcting this wrong and I granted it.

“If I have erred in this action, proper redress shall be made from the supplies of Canterlot.”

Queen Megan thought for only a second before replying, “The only error, there was not time enough to amend.  You had not Our Royal permission.  We here grant that the need of swift justice and honorable action were paramount.  You are forgiven that and thanked for your well carried out and restrained response.”

Luna bowed her head gracefully and said, “We thank you.  All that we have heard of your Honor and Grace are upheld by this.”

Baron Salten, outraged, bawled out, “They attacked us without cause!  We did no thing to them! When we came back, over fifty strong, to seek revenge for unprovoked attack, they drove us off!”

Bright Cloud began to chuckle and then laugh outright.

In moments, Swift Feather broke into a smile, grin and began to chuckle too.  King Camarg looked on, bemused for a moment and then requested, “Perhaps you can let us all in on the source of your levity?  It has been a mostly unpleasant session of Court so far and I could use a laugh.”

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