#also being miserable
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-- after.
Oh, little Brumling, how are you always at the center of these things.
#stormblood#Prudence Dubois#Pigeon Screens#FFXIV Screenshots#Hyur#Middie#Midlander#these are very very low effort because I have been bouncing between desk/bed/bath as i need too#idk if this is rsv or a sinus infection but i am !!!!! miserable !!!!#so here is pru#also being miserable#also looking at that arrow in the second group that looks like it goes through herleg and honestly#(:
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Can I... talk about the theory that winners help craft the next game?
Because, and I really can not say this enough, it puts So Much into perspective.
Everything starts out Normal. Three lives, simple, cut and dry, there hasn't been a winner yet. No one to help craft the game. (And there's something to be said about how simple it really was. Not even a real expectation of the world becoming pvp or combative. No idea of the war to come)
Then Grian wins. The green killer, the man who vowed his first life to the one whose life he took. The next game the boogie man is born. A mechanic that allows and, in fact, demands, a green kill. People can trade lives back and forth, currency and debt wrapped up in one. (can we still be friends? Said the red partner. A life time later and reds are hostile, alone. Maybe it's an answer: No. Not anymore)
Scott wins this time. He refuses to play the game. He will not kill his team, he will love and he will do so fiercely and with all of himself. The next game people are attached through to their very souls. Every bit of damage to one soul is done to its twin. There is no boogeyman. (There is no way for a widow to be left without their love)
Pearl wins and she wins a blood bath. Spent the game draped in red, only wolves for company. Sitting in her tower, shivering in ice, maybe she wanted it to end. To see where it would. Limited life rewards you for killing, limited life has a clock tick tick ticking down, you always no how long you have. A curse yes, but a blessing too.
Now It's Martyn's turn.
And what a turn it is.
Keep your secrets, says the disloyal man, keep them well. Everything hurts, everything Matters, says the man fracturing with every loss. (What if we could love each other without hurting? Says The Hand, who never wanted to be coated in blood)
More importantly, Martyn has always seen the watchers below the surface. Now, they're right here in front of him. Something that could almost... be rebelled against, no? Something that someone else could finally point to and say: hey, hey isn't that familiar?
#Also funny that most winners have an immediate problem with the game following#Grian being given only two lives at the start#Scott breaking up with his soulmate#Martyn pulling an absolute Wet Cat and failing miserably at secret life#Pearl did fine#limited life#life series#secret life#trafficblr#grian#scott smajor#martyn inthelittlewood#pearlescentmoon#3rd life#last life#traffic life#ignore the number of parenthesis#and also tags
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Long distance besties. This definitely happened after the third movie (source: trust me bro)
Based on this
#anyways time to yap in the tags 😋☝️#but first ummmm lemme just tag some shit#how to train your dragon#httyd#httyd hiccup#hiccup haddock#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#toothless#httyd toothless#ok i think that its done#anyways this definitely happaned after the dragons left like just trust me bro 🙏🙏🙏🙏#omfg i wanted to make this with hijack as well cause lol. do you get it. they're long distance LOLOLOL#maybe i will make it who knows. is it weird to make the same art trend with different characters??#OH WAIT FORGOT ANOTHER TAG#hicctooth#is this the duo name for them#or is it called#hictooth#doesnt matter. what matters is that theyre literally the definition of platonic soulmates bro#like wtf i love them#sorry for making them look miserable i didnt meant for them to look lile that 😭😭😭😭#omg with that being said#BROOOOOO I AM NOT GONNA DRAW DRAGONS ANYMORE IM DONEEEEE HOW DO YOU DRAW DRAGONS 😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏#anyways first attempt do you like it. SAY YES RIGHT NOW#if you read this much till the end you need to kiss me rn muah muah muah#also say i did a good job at making them look like cookies like#say it rn#okie bye byeeeeee#I FORGOT TO ADD HIS BRAID IM GONNA KMSSSSSS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#omg i failed
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idk if this has already been said but you would still have to care about the south even if it didn’t have a large poc or queer population. you still have to care about straight and cis and white and able bodied people in the south. “i am only granting personhood to those who’s suffering i can benefit from addressing in a public manner” is the equal and opposite belief to “i am only granting personhood to those i deem worthy based on their similarity to me”
#i just always feel so gross when someone is like ‘um actually theres a lot of poor poc in the south so you shouldn’t make fun of them’#because it communicates that your compassion is conditional#in this particular case it means you can pat urself on the back for being a savior to those Poor Miserable Black People Trapped In The South#its so fucking insincere and insulting#and also indicates a very troubling mentality that compassion and respect must be earned via suffering#not a fan of that shit!
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#911 abc#911edit#chimney han#911 gifs#madney#kevin lee#maddie buckley#glmdedit#jee yun buckley han#albert han#henrietta wilson#karen wilson#john lee#anne lee#eddie diaz#evan buckley#ravi panikkar#bobby nash#look i hope people are as emotionally damaged by this as i was making it#we only had kevin for like 25 mins but i've never gotten over him#this guy has every reason to be a horrible miserable character but no#no he's the coolest cheeriest funniest caring man alive#sick dead mom at a young age and abandoned by an absent father and taking care of sick after her diagnosis#ideas constantly shut down for owning a business and losing his brother on the job#and also sorta losing mr lee who couldn't bear to see him without being reminded of kevin bc they were so intertwined#failing in love and getting stabbed and left for dead#oh and the rebar accident where he almost died again#losing the love of his life and then finding her but not being together with her#911 edits
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Headcanon that Cody actually thinks Obi-Wan is ten times more attractive in his Jedi clothing than he ever was in armor. He doesn't think Obi-Wan is UNATTRACTIVE as such when he's wearing more armor earlier in the war, but one day he sees Obi-Wan with either no armor or just the bracers and something just CLICKS and his jaw drops to the floor because YES, that's exactly how Obi-Wan should always look.
And bonus headcanon that he sees Obi-Wan in Mandalorian armor for whatever Reasons and immediately hates it and thinks it's probably the most unattractive Obi-Wan has ever looked. Obi-Wan finds this absolutely hilarious.
#star wars#commander cody#obi-wan kenobi#codywan#this could easily be a force sensitive cody au#not enough that cody can WIELD the force#but enough that he's picking up ~vibes~ about how obi-wan feels when he wears the armor (regular or mando)#and conversely he also picks up how obi-wan feels about being back in more jedi clothing#and those vibes greatly impact how attractive he thinks obi-wan looks#because someone feeling sorta miserable about what they're wearing isn't necessarily at their most attractive#confidence and comfort in your own skin are attractive
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Taking pride in One's own appearance.
#you people are becoming my guinea pigs for my finally learning how to communicate information via comics. a thing ive needed to practice at#also BLEGH. YUCK. andrew hussie was right candy makes you sick. this is a little too saccharine for me. yeesh. let me get back to the meat.#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#doodlebyte#'let me get back to the meat' i say eyeing something similarly sickly in my sketches. at least it's mildly tormented as a counterbalance...#you people have no idea how much im having to stay my own hand. oh i can draw miserable nudity but the most basic of fluff? visceral#anyway i dont know the logistics of picking up a glass eye or where loop got money (besides pilfering from siffrin) & ive previously drawn#sif with a vague blank middle-grey eye as either being scarred over or a blank occular prosthesis put in quickly at the nearest town#i dont know that they'd have a glass eye during the game but considering prosthesis are reccomended to keep the skull etc from deforming#id imagine it would probably come up postgame as something to do now theyre not on a time limit trying to save the country#plus i assume that having it gouged at by a sadness wasnt exactly a clean wound by any measure#all this to say. idk i just wanted to get some information across in comic form to Test my Abilities#and we're far enough down now to say my absolute most wretchingly sweet fluff headcanon that actually inspired this#which is that i think siffrin gets into the habit of not wearing the eyepatch around loop so they kinda match.#and as a signifier to the other that they're letting their guard down around them. vulnerability etc.#just kinda wearing it around their neck so they don't lose it
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Bouncing off all of the fanfics where the Dead Boys are brought back to life again for a period of time to suggest that their thoughts on it are the opposite of what you’d anticipate based on their perception of the living while they’re ghosts. Charles sorely misses living while a ghost, despite all the awful, awful things he was subjected to. Edwin, despite 70+ years in Hell, is perfectly content as a ghost and finds the living distasteful to a degree.
But, when they get hit by an “aliving” spell, that’s not how it goes down at all.
Edwin has not been in a human body for over a century- and even then only got sixteen years of it- so he forgets how much he was missing as a ghost. Actually being able to feel things- the warmth of human touch, the breeze through his hair, the texture of worn book pages. The smell of petrichor after rain, a warm cup of sweet tea. Even just sleeping and having the ability to give his overactive mind a break. He’s forgotten how many good things there were about being alive.
Charles, as expected, is thrilled to be alive again and his first few days on solid ground are a whirlwind, but his energy is short lived. He frequently sleeps over 12 hours a night, and can’t bring himself to get out from under the covers for another hour longer. His appetite fades quickly, and he finds that foods he’s been craving for 35 years just don’t taste the same. Initially he chalks it up to his mind and body readjusting to human life (despite Edwin having none of the same issues), and continues enjoying what he can. But eventually, it becomes clear that something is very very wrong. His right arm that he shattered at age 14 (and didn’t get properly treated for days) begins to ache again. Sudden touches are no longer a gentle spectral sensation, but an unexpected pressure that he shrinks away from. His body feels heavy, and his energy drains quickly if he has any to begin with.
It turns out that over three decades of repressed physical and emotional trauma took its toll on him, and he had naïvely forgotten-or perhaps willfully omitted- the struggle that was his life when he wasn’t out kissing girls and pretending like his father didn’t exist.
Edwin feels a sense of freedom in being human again, away from all the supernatural trauma he has endured, while for Charles it is more of a burden than he ever recalled it being.
#just the idea of Charles ‘i hate being dead’ Rowland being just as miserable when he’s brought back to life#and also thoughts on how depression can fuck with your body#even when your mind isn’t aware of how much the rest of you is struggling to keep up with the responsibilities of life#but also Edwin rediscovering his love for life once he can experience it with people who care about him#ugh these two have me ill#payneland#dead boy detectives#dbda#save dbda#save dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#dbda au#dead boy detectives au#fanfic#kinda#jess’s thoughts
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Hayles explains that final look, and it wasn't to punish Lestat. It was "for help," Hayles says. "She trusts him the most out of everyone in the room even though she hates him. They're familiar with each other, so she's turning to her parent to help her." (x)
"And I was concentrating so hard on his face, and it was so sad." She understood Claudia's last look to Lestat as how any child would look to a parent in a moment of distress. "The way that she looks is like all hope is lost, like, 'Dad, I need you.'" (x)
#iwtvedit#interview with the vampire#iwtv spoilers#delainey hayles#tvedit#iwtv#cinemapix#usergayppl#useraurore#userpayel#userairam#mine#delainey being a lesdaughter truther is so special to me <333#but also PAIN SO MUCH PAIN#he could not prevent it (real)#i'm going to be miserable about this forever you don't understand#body horror tw
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my favorite unwilling duo <3
#obsessed with the strand of hair in theo’s face#liam refusing to look at him directly sends so bad like i know he was so miserable to realize his crush on theo had come back#also this whole episode being structured so each plotline focuses on a couple… ethan and jackson; scott and malia….. theo and liam.#and this isnt even the only ep that does that#thiam#theo raeken/liam dunbar#theo raeken x liam dunbar#theo/liam#theo x liam#theo raeken#cody christian#liam dunbar#dylan sprayberry#teen wolf#6.17 werewolves of london
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shipping chart thoughts
(billford always happens and they always break up. ford was obsessed when bill was his muse, then bill is obsessed after they’re no longer together and he realizes what he lost) (this dynamic is just canon, really)
(fiddauthor is always present at some point but in one route they end up together after canon events, and in another route fidd moves on) (it’s possible that they had a thing in college but consider it “typical college experimentation” because it’s the 70s and denial is strong. they still go through canon events)
(fiddlestan only happens during the fiddlestan route. otherwise canon events stay the same and they barely actually interact with each other. in the fiddlestan route they work together in the 80s and grow old together)
(billstan isn’t really romantic but it is a one-sided obsession. bill just can’t stop obsessing over the stans… for very different reasons…) (dare i say an unrequited kismesis dynamic?)
(ford and stan are brothers. that’s it. leave them out of the shipping dynamics.)
(fiddlebill isn’t really included here but i feel like the only way this would happen is if bill was possessing ford and wanted to fuck with fidd by using his crush on ford against him) (this one’s basically only possible if it’s fiddauthor-adjacent)
#do u see the vision#i can’t choose between fiddauthor & fiddlestan so i just have 2 different versions in my head where they both get to be endgame#also i enjoy billford but specifically when they end up in a terrible divorce#bill redemption and billford getting back together is fun and all and i enjoy content about it but. to Me that isn’t how it goes lol#i want that triangle to suffer. amen#billstan and fiddlebill have no shot at getting together in my mind sorry#bill being miserable and hating stan so much he becomes obsessive & being jealous of fidd are funny to me though#anyway. to me both fiddauthor & fiddlestan get to end with them as happily gay old men#lowkey don’t remember if i’ve posted something like this before so if i did then pretend i didn’t#😇😇😇#gravity falls#billford#fiddauthor#ford²#fiddlesix#fiddlestan#billstan#??#fiddlebill#????#i guess?#sorry 😭 not really but i’m talking about those 2 so i’m tagging them#i’m not tagging the brothers though. stay away please#stanford pines#bill cipher#fiddleford mcgucket#stanley pines
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something about how Lorraine Baines McFly raised her son to be someone that her younger self would have felt safe around. Especially since she was mistreated and harassed near-constantly by Biff. She raised her son to be kind and emotional and unafraid to stand up against bullies. No wonder she fell for him in the past.
#“Eww she fell in love with her son”#No she fell for someone who literally is the antithesis of any other guy she knows#And that’s by design#Also#its not like she knew#lorraine baines#marty mcfly#back to the future#bttf#ALSO#think about it#marty tried so hard his whole life up til the movie trying to be the opposite of his dad#Outspoken attentive confident#But he’s so much like George regardless#Their fear of rejection#“What if they think I’m no good”#Their being afraid to pursue their passions/being shut down#Lorraine was always going to fall for george#She fell in love with the George she saw in marty#But Marty caught her eye because of his confidence#Lorraine lived a miserable life with George originally#But when he started believing in himself and became the more confident version of himself#Lorraine fell for him harder and they lived a great life together#Jesus that’s a lot of tags#P-14f
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also final word on this probably- I *like* Joyce Messier a great deal as a character. I think she's cool and interesting. I find it fascinating that she tends to approach things very bluntly. the words she uses and the manner in which she analyzes things, this is sort of an instance of a character who knows exactly *what she is* and articulates it in a manner congruent with the writers of the game. she is, as she says wryly but honestly, "a bourgeois woman". i cant think of too many rich people who would without prompting and prodding, self identify with marxist social taxonomies in this way, even with a thin veil of ironic self deprecation. She's educated. she knows the words and the motivating logics of class analysis. and shes *cool*. harry picks that up. honesty is cool. bluntness is cool. cynicism is cool. she is quite open about her place in the world and how she conceives of it. unlike a lot of other powerful figures in the game, i dont think shes completely swallowed by self justifying rhetoric the way, say, sunday friend is. or she is up to a point. she knows about countercultural movements and she has affinities for them and is also aware that they inevitably are consumed by capital. (this, by the way, is kind of complex in that like. ok its a depressing reality but also i think if the de team was fully bought into that line of thinking, they would not make this game. it is telling that joyce of all people would critique cindy on the basis of capital subsuming revolutionary art. I dont think joyce is wrong per se, but i think she is drawn to that line of thinking because it is *very comforting for someone of her class position to dismiss the value and power of revolutionary art and critique of capital* just a thought) She's disgusting in that her power is not rightfully hers. her position is not rightfully hers. she is actively repressing and oppressing others in service of disgusting, semi-fascistic, hypercapitalist forces. shes enjoying the comforts and benefits that such a role allows her. shes disgusting shes frustrating shes profoundly arrogant (as her clash with evrart claire proves definitively). Her self satisfied idiocy is what allows her to play with fire and foolishly assume she cannot be burned. She's smart but her comfortable position puts the blinders on her and so she's also pretty fucking stupid. and shes also deeply deeply sad. I empathize. I pity her. She's so fucking sad. I don't think she is drawn to self medication and self destruction through constant pale exposure or all that rueful nostalgic rumination for no reason. She knows what she is to the world and she knows what she's doing and she's too cowardly and comfortable and self interested to change, but she's too self-aware to ignore it completely. I think she probably dislikes herself to some degree and i think its destroying her. Like most of the cast of the game, she's complex and deeply human. She's hateful, but I also think she is too well realized to hate, at least not for me.
#i envy her obviously but i also pity her a fucking lot#i think she lives an adventurous appealing life that is largely facilitated by her moral cowardice#and is honestly characterized as profoundly empty and disheartening for her#shes a vibrant person and that vibrancy is being turned to ugly ends and its killing the spark#oppressive structures are bad for the oppressors too#joyce is a middleman to power but she is still in a place of power over the ppl she interacts with#that grants her a lot of excellent perks but its making her miserable and it renders her deeply pathetic imo#disco elysium#joyce messier
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that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them
but. does ivan know that…?
the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself
because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"
but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—
surely this selfish wanting can’t be love
...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die
but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...
I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)
but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself
#alien stage#alnst#alnst ivan#ivantill#i have a lot of thoughts on till -> mizi too but this is long enough#just attempting to rewrite my twt rambles more coherently#idk why i wrote this so dramatically tho...#'thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions' is going to haunt me to my grave#ivan's character is just a careful balance between his natural freak nature and his extreme depths of self-loathing#making him the most miserable guy ever#...really once you realize so much of what went wrong is thanks to ivan just hating himself too much to even think of them as friends. well#c...can we bring him back... don't die like this.....#(also you know. with the implications of how 'pets' are treated#wanting someone physically must feel... even more wrong
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OKAY WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME THERE IS A DISNEY LES MISERABLES COMIC?!
HELP I AM CONVULSING
#I need to make an individual post about this but I know Les mis is a very famous story that most everyone knows of#But as a member of the smaller (and pretty gay centric) fandom on tumblr#whenever I see it mentioned anywhere else my ears prick up like a dogs and I turn slowly#Also Donald being Maruis is so fucking funny#Les Miserables#Les mis#Disney#Donald duck#scooge mc duck#Ducktales#Polaris post#op
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disciple Shen Jiu au except time is a circle and so upon his death post Bingge torture he wakes up as some random half demon (a baigujing/white bone spirit maybe?) orphan with the name Chun Shi and has his own system forcing him to reenter Qing Jing Peak as a disciple. Not knowing when in time he was born, thinks he's going to enter in the same generation as he did previously but instead finds himself in the same gen as Ning Yingying, Ming Fan, and Luo Binghe, and his own self is their Shizun!
He quickly tries to latch onto Ning Yingying. Unfortunately Luo Binghe has the same idea, and Ming Fan and their Shizun end up abusing the both of them for their proximity to her and for having the gall to even try to succeed. Binghe and Chun Shi grow to hate each other but share a strange camaraderie shrouded in competition.
And then their Shizun has a qi deviation, and Chun Shi, who is Shen Jiu, knows that thing is not himself.
He nervously and stressingly observed the changes and the immediate change in this Shizun towards Luo Binghe. With himself though, this Shizun seems to not recognize him at all. Before, Chun Shi never had plans to divert the fate of Shen Qingqiu, as he himself is Chun Shi, all he needs to do is save his own hide. He may be stuck on the peak thanks to his System but otherwise he can self-preserve to his hearts content.
But this "Shen Qingqiu" is different, and did nothing to build the demise that will face him in the future at the hands of Luo Binghe.
But this Luo Binghe seems dedicated to giving back a hundred fold the small kindnesses that he is now receiving, shamelessly worming his way into Shen Qingqiu's side. Chun Shi is not so motivated...
But he's always been invested in preserving the livelihood and face of Shen Qingqiu. He construes it as an extension of his selfish self preservation, it's not because he's grown greedy for the shelter and guidance and attention of this imposter peak lord who did nothing to deserve his position. He merely wants to know he could prevent his old fate, yes that's it. Nothing else.
And if he can outcompete that little beast of a shixiong for Shizun's affections, then that's an even sweeter plus! He seethed whenever he perceived a loss against him, and Ning Yingying has seemingly caught on to their rivalry, but Chun Shi, Shen Jiu, is a sore loser and won't let Luo Binghe win against him this time.
Shen Qingqiu, Shen Yuan, off to the side is merely charmed by this seeming mob character that's probably been influenced by his own actions into becoming a more prominent fixture of Qing Jing Peak and merely sees this as enrichment for a disciple Luo Binghe. If he has a training partner on his level, won't that promote further growth? So of course he'll invite both into the bamboo house, even if it becomes a little cramped. Brotherly companionship is valuable in these sorts of settings after all!
Eventually the Immortal Alliance Conference comes, and somehow they're both demons??? But the System only forces him to chuck Luo Binghe down into the Endless Abyss?? System I know Bingge has his destiny to achieve but isn't this blatant favoritism!? In what direction, Shen Qingqiu doesn't know, but either way Luo Binghe is gone to them, his loyal filial lotus dead, but Chun Shi, an evergreen pillar of a pine tree, stays by his side.
Chun Shi is gleefully grateful. Guilt twinged in his heart a bit for unknown reasons, but he knew he could nurture his dear imposter self back into happiness. If he's happy, then they can continue their life, both stuck on Qing Jing Peak as they are.
And when the time comes, he can protect him against that grown wild animal they used to keep as a pet, or even properly domesticate it as a gift to Shizun, yes that will do. Leash and chain it to the mountain peak as a little lap dog of a plaything for his husband. What a nice thing to look forward to.
#svsss#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#shen jiu#my text#my fic#more like fic concept#scumcum#jiuyuan#bingqiu#bingjiuyuan#disciple shen jiu happily becomes sy!sqq's second husband while also simultaneously managing to put a ring on his finger first#he just wins like that#i like to think that this sj aka Chun Shi gets a perverse miserably joyful ache whenever he sees sy!sqq interact with yqy and lgq#he even hates sqq for it. for being so much more lovable. all the more reason to attic wife him#chun shi before the qi deviation transmigration: i hate this ignorant scum Shen Qingqiu and hate myself for ever having been him!#chun shi after the qi deviation transmigration: i hate shen qingqiu for being so lovable bc i see myself as unlovable-#-so i must steal him from the world and never let anyone win his heart!
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