#also anxious about work because ??? idk
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Happy Ghouls and Gangs DPxDC Bang event posting week!! Here's what I've been working on for the @dpxdcbigbang 🥰
Summary:
It’s a normal day for Alfred Pennyworth. He spends it taking care of the manor and watching over its inhabitants, just as he does every other day. It’s an exhausting, never-ending task, that he wouldn’t change for the world. But that night, he is confronted by a stranger in his rooms with a copy of every single soul-binding contract he’s signed for the protection of his family. The new Ghost King wants to update his terms and conditions.
Alfred POV, Ghost King Danny, with some Post-Vivisection goodness and only a little (a lot) of blood and gore and medical fun, but that's for later. Not for the squeamish, please check the tags!!
Snippet under the cut!
It’s a normal day for Alfred Pennyworth.
He wakes up early enough to be ready to greet Master Duke with breakfast when he shambles into the kitchen, he cleans, he greets the rest of the manor’s residents when they finally make it downstairs, he cleans, he goes down to the cave to rouse Master Tim from another sleepless night, he cleans.
It’s a quiet day, or as much as one can be when the place he calls home is filled with vigilantes.
He drops off Masters Damian, Tim, and Duke at school and uses the rest of the trip to pick up some groceries for dinner. Coq au vin tonight, he thinks, it’ll be perfect for the changing of the seasons. A mushroom and lentil substitute for Master Damian will do lovely.
The rest of the day is spent preparing the meal and doing a spot of gardening before it’s time for the school run again. He can’t help but smile fondly as he listens to them needle and tease each other, only stepping in when it starts to become too pointed.
Yes, it’s a normal day for Alfred Pennyworth. It’s at night when it all changes.
There’s a ghost waiting for him in his room.
A soft glow emanates from the creature’s vaguely transparent body and a crisp frost creeps slowly across the floor, sparkling in the darkness like diamonds.
“Mr. Pennyworth?” it says, the voice bouncing off the walls so that it sounds like hundreds of beings instead of one.
Fear squeezes at his heart and the air in the room turns dark and heavy, so that Alfred struggles to breathe. His mouth is dry, his head is swimming, and he’s not entirely sure if he’s going to survive the night.
#dpxdc#dpxdcbang2024#ghost king danny#dpxdc crossover#dcxdp#there's also birthday celebrations and party games and presents!!!#and a clown!#(spoilers)#please enjoy!!! this has been in the works since like idk march or something and it was incredibly fun to write#with everyone - to be part of a bang for the first time#and HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS THE ART????#you are not prepared for the art to come#i'm keeping the artists a surprise for now but MY DUDES you are NOT PREPARED#because i certainly wasn't#oml they are so good holy shit wow#cannot oversell it enough#i'm super excited for all of it#genuinely really happy and also bricking myself at the same time#weirdly very anxious about this - moreso than normal posting at least#THANK YOU TO EVERYONE#the mods and the writers and the artists#you've all been wonderful#HAPPY BANG POSTING WEEK#AHAHAHHHHHHHH#i'm going to bed wherein which i will be too excited to sleep and i will simply roll around all night squirming haha#good night!
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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so
#last night was really so so so fun and it was super hard to get myself to go out? like#in the sense of I really wanted to because I knew it would be fun but I also knew my anxiety was eating me alive#and it would be an obstacle getting through that without alcohol and I need to be … careful#but I got fun drunk and didn’t have too bad of a hangover and didn’t feel super anxious once we got out :#and a different friend wants to make plans for tonight but I am really bad at making plans in advance because sometimes I physically can’t#do things after work bc tired bc neuro disorder and it’s frustrating to my friend with severe control issues#bc she needs to make specific plans like a week out and I’m like erm babe I can’t like#do that? and then if I don’t feel well day of and need to be home she gets (rightfully) frustrated because I’m bailing but it’s#challenging. and you don’t understand unless you live with it.#and it’s frustrating for us both. I don’t want her to think I don’t value her because I do and I force myself out often enough bc I#genuinely feel bad. but it’s so fucking hard sometimes . she also lives sort of far so going from work and having#to drive an hour to her place to then go somewhere and be out like#I’m spent before I even get there#friend I saw last night and I don’t talk consistently but when we do it’s always the same vibe and so fun and we just catch up about life#I feel like when I see my other friends they have things to always talk about because they’re in a discord call almost every night#I don’t have the energy!!!!!!!!!! like I’m so sorry that’s so much for me#idk she isn’t answering me now but if she wants to do something I need to know in the next hr bc if not I’m literally going to bed#I love her but there’s a disconnect between us rn and I don’t know how to mend that gap#but I do love her friendship so I’m just like. sigh#idk it would be different if she was closer and I know that#I hope getting back on medication helps get me being more social again. I’m just so tired this week that speaking is hard lol
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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i only wrote 194 words today, but that is 194 words more than i have written in the past 3 weeks so i am telling myself that is good enough so that i can go to bed on time. 😭
#i have a very big project due at work VERY soon#it's extremely high pri and idk why they gave it to meeee it's so complex and is taking me forever#i stayed at work later than i should have#unpaid overtime to try and unsnaggle this problem#i am sooo stressed i had to rip myself away from my computer.#then i wwas like well i will just stay up later then#as revenge bedtime#but that will also be a bad idea#but i wanted to write because im also sad again abt my book being rejected so many times#and anxious about the manuscript submissions i did that havent been answered yet#i have to create things or i will be so upset and i will die.#that is what ive learned from periods of time where im not creative enough
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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still haunted by when I saw someone in the notes of an atsushi photoset tag it “man tw”. what a scary world we live in….
#1) racist to trigger tag a man of color for no other reason than#being a man. cause sometimes men are scary!#2) trigger tagging a man who often wore feminine outfits and makeup#spoke about having transfeminine friends + said he felt he had a similar quality and was often called feminine#3) leading from that it feels like this boils down to#let’s trigger tag anyone who has a penis because some people have traumatic experiences with people who have penises#which is going into all sorts of nasty (and terfy) territory#and also if the point of trigger tagging any guy you reblog is for#people who’ve been abused by men#feels kind of fucked up to trigger tag pictures of someone who happened to be a domestic violence survivor. from a man.#idk I’m like. sorry if seeing men makes you anxious.#but that’s half of the population you kind of just. need to work on that#instead of asking people to censor every guy they reblog#there’s too much complexities with. gender to just be like. we have to tag all the men or at least people I perceive to be men.#:|
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hnnnnnnnnngggggggg
#everything is Hard today ugh#i am anxious because i need to respond to some emails and deal with some student loans stuff that i've been putting off#and i frankly don't want to do anything. at all.#and i really should go out and figure out how to take the bus and explore the city a bit more#but that's frankly exhausting levels of effort actuallyj#and if i could bribe myself with going to a nice little coffee shop somewhere and hanging out there for a while i could maybe#convince myself. but that's hard too!#because i would have to do the thing where i look like an idiot when i order because idk quite how it works here and i don't speak enough#of the language to actually do that#and then idk what the acceptable kinds of coffee shop activities are. like am i gonna be super weird if i bring my laptop or a book#and hang out for a couple hours alone? idk. and also will they have wifi at the coffee shop? also do not know#and i should just bite the bullet and ask someone about it but that feels hard too because asking people things is hard. and honestly#i should just schedule in a good little cry but i don't wanna. ugh.
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Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured
#I’m all flowery on here but in real life conversation I am the driest most uncomfortably pragmatic person alive#I’ve been scolded for being so task-focused that I forgot to say hello to the secretaries in high school when I went to do a task#or for having an “attitude” with my parents (often when I was purposefully trying to appear humble with an “idk” voice)#so I’ve amended that by fake laughing at everything and keeping my customer service voice on All The Time#0/10 it works flawlessly but I’ve also made myself into a socially anxious doormat#I’ve been the one to break it to people that their friend died on more than one occasion and I always feel bad about how I do it#I usually just blurt it out because I don’t know how to lead up to it other than saying “maybe you should sit down for this”#it would be wrong if I knew and didn’t tell them#so it has to be me… you know?#I’m so disconnected from any feelings of grief (I’ve never felt bereavement in my life) that it feels wrong for it to be me#because I’m physically incapable of sharing in their pain and emotions; I literally don’t understand it#but sometimes I’ll cry reflexively if I see someone else crying even if I don’t have any actual feelings for them or their situation#I’m more disturbed by knowing of people who are alive going through pain than I am by knowing someone died#because death is natural; suffering isn’t#unless the person is a child or otherwise very young#but if they’re old and lived a fulfilling life I recognize they’ve had a fulfilling life and hope that my life#is as fulfilling as theirs was when I go#I’m not afraid of death; I’d just like to not go before I’m good and ready#When I go away I hope that I WANT to go away; you know?
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people acting like there isn't still very much an active stigma against cannibas and cannibas users is going to be my joker origin story
when i go to the doctor they still put cannibas use under the tab "substance abuse". not even just substance use. it is fully assumed that people who use cannabis, even as a prescription medication, are abusing it. just because you're friends with a couple of dumbass stoners doesn't mean that we've abandoned the idea as a culture that weed is a bad and scary and dangerous and highly addictive drug that will ruin your life if you use it once
#idk what its like in other countries but in the us and especially in red states fear mongering about weed is alive and well#'it ruins lives' -direct quote from a library board member making it so we can be fired for testing positive even w a prescription#i just take umbrage with posts about addiction that go out of their way to mention weed which we all learned in 6th grade is addictive#but dont also mention that this true of all prescription drugs and that a person can be dependant on a drug for health reasons???#yeah i get anxious and cant go a day without weed. because i use it to treat my anxiety and pain. i also get anxious without my wellbutrin#but people arent lining up to make posts about it?? and like you CAN obviously become addicted to prescription drugs its super common!#so i kind of feel like it would be far more useful to say 'this is true of ALL drugs. including weed caffeine and prescriptions'#you should always research ANY drug you take. prescription or not. find out about addictiveness + side effects + other drug interactions#and you should talk to someone if you feel anxious about your relationship to drugs. prescription or not#there have been many times where i was prescribed way too many drugs at once and it made me feel anxious and uncomfortable#so i talked to my doctors and consolidated several and it actually made them work a lot better#locked reblogs because i KNOW people are going to read this is 'so you should never ever talk about negative consequences of weed'#and im pretty sure the people who follow me will be able to understand thats obviously not what im saying#but as soon as it leaves my blog whos to say. but anyway like. I think we should talk more about addiction to all substances#and not just the ones that were already covered in DARE#I feel like at this point everybody has heard all of the negative possibilities with weed use at least once#and that's not necessarily true of caffeine and even like. benadryl lmfao#I might delete this in 10 minutes if I psych myself out akbdjznsjf
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Gotta write a production report for two songs we recorded and I'm gonna have to do at least a third of it for a group of 6 after having done about half of the recording and editing work for one of these two projects...all that cause I still haven't found an internship so I can't just say : do it without me.
It's a little exhausting. I know they will work if I really push them but they'll do it super late and I'll have to revise it when I get back home from the small concert I've allowed myself to go instead of my portuguese lesson (brazilian artist so it's all good my teacher said, I still feel bad) and I'll have to run around tomorrow morning to print it and I'll assume the cost again.
It's...yeah it's exhausting. And my thesis is so far behind, and I still have no internship. I wanna keep strong but man that diploma is slipping away from me. I'm not even sure I have good enough grades at my exams now !
#yeah ok the anxiety is back#I have meds that are over the counter so like not great stuff but I'll just chug that down and hope it does something#plus I'm super stressed cause some of them are coming to a small party at my place (for once that I'm alone without my brother there)#and I was talkign with one of them (the closer one) about maybe coming out to them and he said yeah if you want :)#but now one of them is bringing his girlfriend and I am noooot doing that but also my place is a very intimate space for me#I so rarely invite people over because of that#I should stop drinking coffee it might be helping#my head is killing me#I'm so close to giving up on my studies all together and reimburse my mom#but I don't want to !! the people that inspire me the people i look up to the people i want to be like fought for it and never gave up#I'm not even sure I'm made for these studies. I have no ambition I just want to make people happy with music but the kind I love doesn't#really require me ? cause it's mostly small concerts with acoustics instruments#maybe I should have gone into idk social work but I'm pretty sure I would be way too anxious for it same reason i can't be a therapist#and the situation at home isn't much better rn#I really need to breath rn or I'm gonna be out of commission for so long that it will be even more stressful to do the reports at midnight#I'm gonna chicken out tonight as well and just stand there and listen and not talk to the artist afterwards and try to use the portuguese#I've learned nooo I'm just gonna default to english or french
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Just saw a Christmas vibes TikTok and it threw me into a breakdown 😙✌️
#Zoe rambles#don’t know what that says about me#maybe I’m just so stressed and anxious#I have a 7-10 page paper due tomorrow#bills to pay off and no money to do that and live#I have graduate school to start thinking about soon#a girls day today that I don’t actually want to go to#and my brother is on a cross country road trip to Cali where he’ll live and work on a farm for a month#idk I also just miss Christmas so much#this last Christmas sucked ass because of getting broken up with the week of#that wasn’t very holly jolly of him
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something intresting i discovered: on cod tiktok, sometimes creators will have super cool “callsigns” like “dove” or “python”. which is like. super awesome!! you guys pop off. But now im sitting here wondering what my “callsign” would be. except i dont want a cool one, I want one of those silly, backstory filled, dumb callsigns, like soap, roach and meat have.
#sigh#if only i had friends who also had cod intrests#i kinda feel like sketch would work#because i sketch when im anxious and military would freak me tf out#but also.. what about something stupid#like blanket#or#teeth?#idk#some of my fam was in the marines and their friends would always have such funny callsigns. i only know some of them by their nicknames#aswell. mr smurf if your out there i think your callsign is hilarious and i dont know your real name#only that your called smurf#gigachad callsign btw#no idea why he was even called that#new idea: blahaj#because I sleep with that fucking ikea shark every night#I LOVE MY BLAHAJ
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i think it’s about time i get taken out back
#op#i’m so anxious and tired and not even walmart is finalizing hiring me like damn#they seemed desperate to hire me is all#she did say to text her if i didn’t get a job offer in the next day but like i have anxiety#also she sent me some number and said it would help with my background check but like i’m so unsure what the fuck her point was#because like i’m pretty sure it’s their responsibility to get the background check run#and i’m not calling some hotline just to sound like an idiot#side note i’m so anxious that i’m going to fall further into a depressive rut working in the walmart bakery#i’ve worked in a grocery store bakery for years and i was starting to hate it#this was my last resort and i already feel miserable about it#and maybe i’m the problem maybe i shouldn’t already feel miserable but i thought i was out of that environment#now i might need to go back into it and it just really sucks idk#plus the hours are. not necessarily preferred for me#it’s fine but idk how i’m gonna do working until 7pm#girl i need sunshine
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hello o7
#chaos.txt#aughhh im so tired. not enough spoons to do private life updates so im just... sending it out to everyone#uhmmm im doing good! have not made as much progress on my neocities as i wanted :/ studying is going well though#still quite stressed but less so because i have Been studying#working on a few new carrds + paintings#would like to do some digital art studies .. clouds and landscapes they are calling me ..#what else. i went to go watch astv again! it felt revolutionary in a different way the second time#but i cannot economically justify going again! excited to have it on streaming because i would LOVE to do some scene redraws#listening to worlds beyond number + very much obsessed. been also squinting at a few commentary ytbers cuz some of the stuff they say is..#not. great. i don't fully like em. hm. also been organising my files etc etc. made a cute notion that im not using! as expected#thinking about writing some fic tbh . had some epic watcher ideas a while ago that i would like to explore#im going to ... schedule this. for tomorrow. not in the headspace to . speak . to people. aa. its fine#i miss u guys. i think. i am so anxious and stressed all the time !! aagh. so dramatic. so dramatic chaos. what a mess. goodbye lads#see uuu all . in maybe 10 days .nods. maybe another life update in 10 days. because my exam is in 20#this exam is so so so important guys. idk. why it feels more important than everything else ive done for the application process but it doe#and it. stresses .me .out. ok gbye forreal now
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