#also after AGES debating whether it was really ugly or not - I finally bought the pegboard everyone & their mum has

[serpiqo]

bought some things from ikea for my desk 🥰

[fayeimara]

Meant To Be Series || One For Every Billion

Episode 4. If You're A Masochist

Putting your phone away after posting your latest update, you look around one more time for either of your cousins. The oldest, Ren, had left you with his brother Shin, strictly telling him not to leave you alone before he met back up with you both. But then you convinced Shin to call the car and drop off the bags you'd overloaded him with, agreeing to meet back here this cute café. It had been pretty easy to convince him, seeing as how you could barely make him out over the bags and boxes of items you'd bought for your friends and family back home. It was fair play, after all, you'd brought just as many gifts with you for your cousins here when you'd arrived.

Smiling as you tip the cup of coffee up to your lips, you consider if you've harassed him enough for the day or if you should top it off by ordering him something he'll hate just to see that distressed look on his face. He deserves it for the prank he pulled on you a few days ago, when they picked you up from the station, literally scaring you half silly when he snuck up from behind you, grabbed you, and started to run. You were pretty worried because not a single person in the busy terminal had tried to stop him even though you were clearly (momentarily) terrified and not aware of who had 'kidnapped' you until he'd finally put you down. You guess you should have expected this with him though, given you both have always messed around with each other, pulling fun pranks and stupid stunts, since the two of you were kids, but you'd gotten completely complacent since you'd last seen these oh so lovely cousins of yours.

If there was any doubt on whether you had any payback planned for Ren, well, he was the one who'd grabbed not only your bags but also several pictures of your embarrassing slip in composure, i.e. your briefly terrified face, and shared it with the world. So yeah, you were sure he was sleeping with an eye open for the time being, which is why you would call on your considerable patience before hitting him subtly and satisfyingly when he least expected it.

With that in mind, you head back to the counter to place another order and then ask if there are any specialty dessert shops in the area. Happy to hear of one pretty close, you're sure you'll be able to quickly head over and back before Shin returns.

The shop is as incredible as promised because it only takes them about ten minutes to prepare your custom order of mochi with a spicy twist. Trying one out, you can't help but enjoy the sweet flavour and texture even if you're disappointed that it doesn't seem to have the effect you were hoping for, until you feel the heat slowly build the more you chew. Oh. Oh my. Oh my g- Mouth burning, you quickly gulp at the coffee still in your hand to try and relieve the pain. Okay so.. it's perfect! Cue evil laugh.

You thank the brilliant artisans, because that's what they are, and promise to leave a review on your way out. It's not until you're walking by an alley (how typical, right?) between shops on your way back to the cat café, that you're pulled from your thoughts of not-so-sweet revenge.

"Give it up, kid." It's nothing alarming at first. Not until you hear the next cry.

"Don't touch me! Leave me alone!"

Um. What?

You've stopped even before you turn your head to look in at a couple older guys surrounding a little kid. Seriously, what's with the cliché? You honestly thought this only happened in anime but you guess dummies always prove people wrong.

Debating who you should call, because you're not going to assume adding yourself to the equation alone is going to be any help, you quickly look around only to realize that the only people passing by near or across the street either don't seem to care, or aren't the kind of people you'd feel comfortable asking for any assistance from. People can call you out on stereotyping but really, where's the kind but strong elderly gentleman or tough, no nonsense, do-gooder woman when you need one??

"Hey!" The tears in the kid's voice draw you back, with your head whipping around to witness one of the bullies reach out to grab his collar. Quick kid, he manages to dodge even if barely but he's about to be blindsided by one of the other guys.

You don't even have time to sigh at your stupidity as you run up between them as fast as you can, slapping the second guy's hand away from where it was reaching for the kid's arm.

With that loud sound and dramatic entrance, all eyes are now on you, but the element of surprise does provide enough time for you to pull the boy behind you and back the two of you up a bit so you're both not completely surrounded.

Okay, this kid barely reaches over your hip, he can't be older than about 6 or 7 maybe, what's he doing here alone?

"Well, well. What do we have here?" The first guy that had tried to grab the kid's collar studies you. You want to say his voice is annoying or that he's an ugly creep but he's just an average guy of about a few years older than you. The only distinct feature are his glasses and that's probably because you don't typically think of wannabe thugs in glasses. Again, so sue you for you conventional stereotypes, but you're in a kind of delicate situation to be worried about thinking inside the box.

"Why don't you tell me," You shoot back, pretty upset about this pathetic tableau, "since it looks like three guys old enough to know better than to bully little kids."

The third guy hasn't done much until now but he laughs at your statement and, okay, at least his laugh is kind of annoying, like a dumb donkey's braying. You hope he's trying to fake an evil laugh or something and that's not his real one? Seriously, it sounds forced and fake so you hope for his sake it really is or no one will trust him once they hear it if that's all he has to work with for the rest of his life. You're tempted to say that to his face, but you've also been told by your friends that your reckless impulses tend to escalate the situation when you need the opposite so you hold back.

Because you're outnumbered. With only a crying kid at your back, quite too literally.

"Oh no, we're not bullying him. He's my kid brother, you know? We were just messing with him since he was being a brat and grabbed the new games we just bought."

You hesitate, thinking it over. Did you make assumptions and jump in too fast? He didn't call out for help or say anything specific to indicate he didn't know these guys. You don't want to turn away to look him over, but he had been holding something clutched against his side.

You feel a little hand clench into the back of your dress and a couple tugs follow, so without turning away, you cast your gaze down and meet teary hazel eyes that are peering up with a little hope among the fear, "He's lying, oneesan, I don't know them."

"Ahh, stop lying and dragging the nice, pretty girl into this." Second guy speaks up, trying to reach around you to grab the kid, but you quickly shift the both of you back a bit more. You realize the wall is just behind you, if the kid's gasping sob means anything. You're out of space to maneuver.

So...you're in a tough spot, you've got your hands literally full and you're up against three guys that are definitely living up to your first impression of them. You don't really have time to think it over as 'glasses' loses patience and reaches for you directly, grabbing your arm that's holding the trick mochi and trying to pull you forward. "What's this? Maybe we should take it for the trouble you've added by interfering in a family issue."

"How about this instead?" And before you can pity the loss, you've thumbed off the lid to your delicious hot coffee that you guess won't get to finish drinking, and toss it in his face.

"Arhggh!" Wow, high pitched for a tough guy, but you really can't think about that right now. Goodbye, coffee, your sacrifice is appreciated.

"What the hell, you crazy b-"

"Don't bother, dumbass, it's probably not hot enough to permanently scar him at this point." True story, you like your coffee cooled down more than most.

They're staring at you like you're crazy but it's really just the recklessness you're known for. Although you should have held on to that reminder of your friends' warnings that ran through your head earlier because the situation has definitely been escalated if the mean, hateful looks that are appearing from behind their fake polite masks are anything to go by. They clearly weren't even trying that hard to pretend. While the second guy is supporting his friend who's flailing, 'Fake laugh' reaches for you, this time angled for the collar of your dress or even your neck, "You stupid bitch."

Oh okay. Well, I'm so sorry for my impertinence, god. This is payback for the mochi prank, isn't it? You actually roll your eyes upwards for a split second with that thought.

Then you prepare to drop the maybe-unlucky box for the coming fight but just before his hand reaches you, another suddenly shoots out and grabs it. Hard.

"Don't you know how to treat women, buddy?" Wow, now that's a nice voice.

Shifting your eyes to your left without turning your head, you catch sight of a handsome bedheaded guy about your age. You would probably be all heart eyes in any other situation- who are you kidding? This is literally the perfect situation.

"I don't think he does, but that's probably because he has zero experience with them." Yay, your mouth can run freely with your attitude now that you have some back up. Not that it stopped you earlier, though..

This new guy shifts his gaze to meet yours and looks pretty surprised at your smirky smile (yes you're calling it that). Why so surprised though? You guess you should have been crying or even praising this god for stepping in. Whatever, he's just a boy. Even if he is drool worthy.

He studies you and pauses briefly on the redness marking your wrist from where one of the guys had grabbed you and then his golden eyes flick down to the boy hidden behind you before focusing a steady stare back on the bullies, "I think you should leave before I really get pissed off."

He must be a magician because they vanish pretty fast after his low declaration, supporting their friend who's managed to wipe most of your precious coffee off of his slightly reddened face. Looks like, he'll live to be a dumbass another day. Could've told them that and avoided the escalation. Oh wait, you pretty much did, right?

The guy is turning back to you after watching them leave the alley and you reach for the little kid with the hand that once held your coffee. Feeling his little hand slip into yours, you start to walk the two of you towards the street while keeping your body angled so you don't completely turn your back on this new guy. You swear the amount of times you've had a situation like this turn into something unexpected is a little unnatural. "Wow. Well... Thank you, stranger, for your help."

He narrows those stunning eyes on you but you don't think he's angry, just a little confused for a moment, before he realizes you're equally wary of him. He moves out of the alley after you both, but thankfully not too closely, because you have to turn your back on him so you don't trip or walk into anyone once you reach the main street.

"It's Kuroo. Kuroo Tetsuro."

You silently startle around at the sound of his voice coming from a lot closer to you than expected but compose yourself quickly so as not to offend him by whirling around in alarm.

"Oh, uh.. nice to meet you." Okay, you both should be safe now. You turn back to face him and the kid is now glued to your side, tiny hands gripping your dress with both hands, one at your back and one at the front. At least it's not silk because that would leave quite the wrinkles. "Anyways... we have to get going now to find whoever lost this little guy."

His arm moves up, rubbing his hand in his hair at the back of his sheepishly tilted head. Probably can't get his hair any messier at this point. "That would be me."

"What?" You raise a disbelieving eyebrow. Always the unlikeliest odds with you and really, what are they anyways here in this situation? But it turns out he's not kidding and you're not misunderstanding.

"I'm the one who lost him. That's my little cousin you're trying to walk away with."

"Hey!" You protest his teasing implication, before looking down at the boy. The other guys tried this too, though.

So you delicately crouch down (aware you're in a dress and heeled ankle boots that could spell impending disaster if you lose your balance) to make sure you're at eye level with the kid. He's not crying anymore, but not looking happy or relieved either. Just staring back at you steadily, a little like the calm gaze of this other guy, actually, but let's not go with confirmation bias. Maybe he's just not an overly excitable kid to begin with.

"Do you know this guy?" You ask softly. He told the truth before, under the stress of a pretty scary situation, after all.

He looks over and up at the tall teen claiming to be his cousin before nodding. "Oh." You give the little boy a reassuring smile before leaning in to whisper in his ear, "Can I ask your name?"

And when you turn your ear to him so he can whisper a reply, you hear, "Itsuki."

Giving him another sweet smile, you stand back up and he's glommed right back onto your side. You meet the bedhead's eyes with your own slightly narrowed but steady too, and settle on a serious expression with an eyebrow raised. He hasn't looked away from you even once but that's fair considering you might actually be trying to take away his little cousin... whom he's lost already once today, if we're all being honest.

"What's his name?"

He raises an eyebrow to match yours, stance indicating he's in no rush but expression definitely amused, "You mean Itsuki?"

"Yeah.. okay, then." You look back down at the boy who's reluctantly releasing you as Kuroo moves closer to you both, your smile back on my face. "It was really nice to meet you, Itsuki. Thank you for being so brave and strong back there. I couldn't have sent those bullies away without you!"

"Or me?" Kuroo asks but it's not really a question more like an amused statement sliding into remind you that he did save you both in the end. Isn't he a little too close for politeness?

"I suppose." Now you have tilt your head back to look at him again. Argh, why is it like a compulsion to just stare your life away when you look into those eyes? "Thank you, then.. Kuroo."

"Not that you needed my help." Ohh, he's smirking at you and it. is. something. "You looked like you were mostly holding your own before I stepped in."

You laugh, because he's really just being nice and you don't know what expression your face might make after seeing his smirk if you don't pick amusement, "Pretty sure it was painfully obvious who brought the most advantage on our side if it came to a fight... and it wasn't me."

"Oya? Our side, huh? And what's your criteria for assessing that advantage?"

And before you can stop yourself, his question has you looking him up and down like.. like you're checking him out. Cue your blush. Ugh. You pass it off and try to push through, "What? I'm not supposed to notice that you have the physical advantage over me?"

Yeah, you worded that deliberately and wouldn't change it for anything because it's so worth it to see the red lightly tint his own cheeks. Yeah, I see your thoughts went there.

"Anyways," You start to step backwards, "Really, thank you."

You turn away to walk over to the coffee shop just another door down.

"Wait," You look over to see both Itsuki and Kuroo catch up to you quickly, the latter now holding on to the former gently but firmly, "I should be thanking you. You did step in to help my cousin when not many others would."

"Oya?" You copy his cute phrase with a look at him from the corner of your eyes and a teasing smile of your own, "How do you know he didn't step in to help me?"

"Somehow I doubt that." The three of you come to a stop in front of the coffee shop and Kuroo's distracted for a second, "Wait, this is your stop?"

"Yeah, why?"

He chuckles, "Ours too. We'd just stopped in here ourselves when Itsuki wandered away." We?

"Oh, I was here a little earlier too, but I needed to grab.." You lift the box, ".. this, for someone. I left my order here though."

"You lose your coffee often or just an addict?"

"Haha. Neither. It's... a thing. You'd think I'm horrible if I explain."

"I doubt I'd ever think that at this point. Can I pay for your new order and you can tell me about it over your next cup? You know, as a thank you for putting yourself in a dangerous situation for my cousin." Why does he make that sound both grateful and like a stern admonishment at the same time?

"I covered it already and it wasn't really for me. But I really appreciate the offe-"

You're cut off by the door opening and Shin bursting through with a very exasperated look on his face. Whoops, guess you took too long. He immediately starts complaining, "Where have you been?! Imagine my worry when I arrive here and you're gone! You promised you'd wait here."

Another guy has walked out behind him but you ignore that because you see that Shin's holding the drink you got him, but that has your name on it, and can't help but point out both literally and dryly, "Clearly so worried, you picked up my order in the meantime?"

"Hey, there are two drinks so I figured one was mine! But they're both awful!" Of course he tried them both. His face turns into a sad pout, "Why would you order such sour drinks when you know I hate them! And I know you do too! So... do you really hate me for that little thing? You've been so mean today."

You chuckle because this is literally the perfect opportunity. Well, actually, Kuroo is still standing by politely with Itsuki, watching you both with interest, but that other guy has walked up to them and is now also standing there. Is he gaming out here? Never mind.

You give Kuroo an apologetic smile with a finger held up to indicate you'll be a moment and then turn back to offer the box you've been holding onto this whole time to your dear cousin. "I can't imagine why you'd feel that way, but I did get you this, too. You can't have it all though, it's also for Ren."

He reaches for the box when you pop it open and happily exclaims, "Mochi? Aw, I take it back, you're the best!" before proceeding to pop two in his mouth. Oh. Uh-oh.

Okay then, closing the box, you walk back over to Kuroo as Shin happily munches away behind you. "Sorry, yes, I appreciate the offer but as you can see, I have my hands full with-"

"Ahhh! OMG, my mouth is burning!!! What is this?" Is he crying? He's definitely chugging that 'horrible' drink. "I take it back that I took it back. You do hate me. And for what?! I'm sorry I tried to kidnap you, okay?! Ahhh! Make it stop-"

He keeps rambling, even while alternating between choking down the sour drink and pausing for quick panting breaths every now and then, as tears actually run down his face. Even the gamer boy is momentarily distracted watching. You can't help the satisfied smile that stretches across your face as you watch Shin dissolve into tortured agony from the corner of your eyes and finish your sentence "-a pretty troublesome commitment already."

Kuroo looks a little worried but definitely way more amused, "I thought that box was something really special, the way you held onto it the whole time."

"Yeah, even in exchange for my precious coffee-" You wipe away a pretend tear and swear he mutters 'so you are an addict' under his breath before you finish, "but it was worth the revenge, wouldn't you say?"

"Well... He tried to kidnap you?"

"Ugh, don't ask. It was a stupid prank that I briefly fell for. But I think he won't try getting me back for a while. At least a week of peace."

"So.. don't mess with you, is what I'm hearing."

You laugh at his accurate interpretation, "Pretty much. Or do, if you're a masochist."

He looks slightly awed and a whole lot intrigued when he states, "At first I thought you were some incredible angel.. but you're pretty much more an incredible devil, aren't you?

"Incredible, either way? I'll take it." You smirk, thinking of the irony he'll probably��never understand.

"How about my request for a name?"

"Isn't it Kuroo Tetsuro?"

"I'm asking for your name, Kitten." He's a little exasperated and just a smidge embarrassed that you made him spell it out. I mean, you like that he's all witty and smooth but... you really like a guy's direct side, too.

You do still smile and tease a little more, "Kitten could work, given the irony..." He gives you an unamused look, but you were continuing anyway, "But since you asked so nicely.. I'm Y/-"

"Oi!" Ren is standing across the street with the car, door open, "I've been looking for you. It's time to go."

"Oh," You look back at Kuroo who's still looking at Ren a split second longer before focusing back on you, "I'm sorry, I have to go!" You smile at him apologetically then face Itsuki, slightly crouched, to give him a bright smile, "Bye Itsuki! Take care and don't wander off again!"

You don't have time to say anymore than those goodbyes to the pair of cousins before your own is dragging you away, cursing you out and swearing he'll get you back. He's listing a lot of pretty creative ideas, silly boy, you'll just use them before he can.

You check both sides of the road as he's pulling you across since it doesn't look like he's going to but you both make it safely to Ren who just gives the two of you a droll look. "You guys definitely didn't listen to me."

He didn't even pose it as a question. You just shrug and give him a kiss on the cheek before sliding into the back of the sleek car, followed by Shin and then Ren, who calls out to let the driver know to take you all home. Maybe you glance out the tinted windows to steal one last look at Kuroo before the car starts to move away. Maybe you see that he's looking too, he's staring at the car but his mouth is moving and when it stops, the gamer boy says something back.

The last thing you see before the car pulls away completely and you can't see anymore is Itsuki pulling Kuroo back towards the café and he takes one last look your way before heading inside with his friend following.

You turn back around, not realizing you'd shifted your whole body. Ren is looking at you oddly so you just raise an eyebrow at him, but smile when Shin happily exclaims, "Hey Ren, we got you some treats too!"

Prev | Next

Masterlist

Behind The Scenes!

-Kuroo not only didn't get Y/n's name, but was pretty curious as to her close relationship with the two guys that we know as Shin and Ren

-If she had to measure, Y/n felt about the same level of attraction and connection with Kuroo as she did with Oikawa when she first bumped into him at the boba shop; he was interesting but still just a casual, fun encounter in the end

-Gamer boy was obviously Kenma, yeah?

-Is it funny for anyone else that Bokuto is liking or retweeting the posts about Y/n? Or is it just me because I clearly know too much?

-Itsuki is non-canon, if you weren't sure :(

A/N: I really like how this one turned out, I don't know why. It could have something to do with the fact that I've been a Kuroo simp the longest but I dunno, it just... flowed. And I barely even chewed over the edits.

Btw, if you guys ever see first-person POV (my, me, I, us, we) or 'Faye', it's probably a good time to restate that this started out as a purely self-indulgent imagining, which is why I write most seamlessly as myself in the scenarios. I then change it over to 'Y/n' and reader perspective during multiple levels of edits so you all can hopefully enjoy the story/scenarios too, but it can (and likely will) still slip through sometimes. Just let me know, and I'll fix it, thank you :) <3

Taglist: @delusivist

[autistic-stedebonnet]

Mako’s Journey in Learning to Love Theater Kids

chapter 1

Chapter 3/?

In which Mako doesn’t cry, and that’s not necessarily a good thing

-

Mako did not like Wu one bit. He did not like how Wu would blow his curls up when they got in his face, in fact, he despised Wu’s curls and how soft they looked. He hated that Wu’s smile was almost blinding, and that his laugh was big and jovial and nothing like what he’d expect from someone who was clearly very wealthy and well-raised. Nope. Wu was obnoxious and loud and way too...touchy. There was not a single flutter in his stomach when Wu grabbed his bicep to show him something. And he did not feel suspiciously similar around Wu to how he’d felt when he first met Korra. 

“You and Wu seemed to hit it off.”

Mako whipped his head around in horror to face a smirking Bolin. “What?! We didn’t- he just- he wouldn’t leave me alone!”

Bolin’s face softened and he lay a hand on Mako’s shoulder. “Hey. You know I’ll love you no matter what, right?”

“Bolin-”

“Seriously. If you like Wu, it’s fine Mako. There’s nothing wrong with-”

“I don’t!” Mako cried, trying to ignore his heart sitting at the bottom of his stomach. “Like Wu. I don’t like him. I’m…” No, he was not going to cry. Mako did not cry, or get confused, or falter on anything. Mako was composed and strong. “I’m straight.” He’d made an attempt to sound content and unwavering, but his voice cracked on the last word and his eyes burned. Stop it Mako, this is stupid.

Bolin dropped it and the car ride home was silent. --- Mako had been to the Earth Kingdom once. A little over a year before his parents were killed, his family had taken a trip to Ba Sing Se. Apparently his father had to do some work there, but Mako didn’t really remember that part. He wished he did. Anyway, Mako kinda hated the city. Everything was so rigid and divided and there was something unsettling in the very air, something he couldn’t quite pinpoint. He was only 7, but he knew it was wrong, separating people like this. He hated it and he wanted to go home. 

About a week into the vacation, he’d gotten lost while out in the busy shopping center of the middle ring (his family wasn’t rich, but they were well off enough to afford a hotel room in the middle ring.) Practical even at 7 years old, Mako had planted himself at the front of a little tea shop and held his head high to try and seem intimidating. He’d tugged on the sleeve of the shop owner and asked in his most mature voice if the man could use the loudspeaker to report Mako’s location so his family could find him. And he waited. 

He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but it wasn’t his fault that they people at the table near him were talking so loudly.

“...hear what happened in the fire nation last month?”

“Yes! It’s revolting.”

Mako strained his ears, he wanted to know what was revolting!

“The fire nation citizens are practically rejoicing, the poor souls can’t even recognize how unnatural it is.”

“Legalizing same sex marriage.” The person had scoffed very loudly. “Next thing we know they’ll be letting us marry furniture.”

Mako’s parents, and Bolin had walked in after that, hugging Mako in relief and scolding him for wandering off. Mako took it all in stride, like any 7 year old would, and went right back to his trip. But that overheard conversation stuck with him, whether he entirely realized it or not. It stuck with him at 8 when he found himself thinking that boy in his class was pretty, and at 13 when he found himself wanting to run his hands through the hair of a boy that he and Bolin hung around for a brief time. Even after those old-fashioned, bigoted notions had been set right, and after he saw Korra and Asami so happy together, it stuck with him. Maybe not in the way that made him actively hate gay people, but certainly in the way that made him sub-consciously hate himself. --- Bolin’s selfless act of dropping the subject didn’t last very long, nor did it stay very private, as he announced over breakfast the next morning: “So, Mako, I’ve decided to invite Wu over today. To, y’know hang out.”

Mako promptly choked on his moon peach and turned to his brother in dismay, still coughing violently. “You- why???” He cried.

“Well, he’s my friend!” Bolin replied grinning horrifyingly large.

“No he’s- Bolin you hate him!”

Lin, who had been sitting at the end of the table quietly, raised an eyebrow and Mako was sure that she was once again, wondering what possessed her to take them in 3 years ago. “Isn’t Wu that annoying little shit that paid his way into the advanced theater class?”

“He didn’t-”

“That’s the one,” Bolin replied, shoving the remainder of his food in his mouth. 

Lin groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Fine, but keep Mako’s little boyfriend out of my way.”

“Lin!” Mako shouted. “He’s not- I just met him- I’m-”

“You’re straight, yup, I said the same thing when I was your age.” She clapped Mako on the shoulder and smiled in the same strange way she did when she was about to try and fail to give him advice. Like someone had pinned boulders to each of her feet and was threatening to kill her if she didn’t smile. --- Mako didn’t give a fuck what he was wearing that day. He had not picked out that one shirt that he’d accidentally crashed into a perfume barrel while wearing that one time because it still smelled like jasmine. Well, not on purpose anyway. In his defense, it was a nice shirt; a soft, black button up with red stitching and buttons that he’d been given as a gift last year. He adjusted the collar, which had a habit of sticking out in all the wrong ways, and debated on whether or not to tuck it into his loose, grey jeans. The ones he’d bought right after receiving his first ever paycheck working at Narook’s. They weren’t much, but they were durable and- what? Why is he thinking about his clothes? He’s not trying to impress anyone, spirits! Mako groaned and buried his face in his hands. Stupid, Mako, you have no reason to dress up… Maybe do slip on that nice red coat though- no! He stopped himself before kicking a hole in the wall, deciding on a simple sigh of defeat and sinking to the ground fighting back tears that were pricking threateningly at the corners of his eyes. This was absurd. He didn’t like Wu, hell he could hardly tolerate him. That was a lie, that was a lie and he knew it. But hey, internalized homophobia will do that to you, won’t it? 

Mako wiped furiously at his eyes, gritting his teeth, because this was ridiculous! I’m straight, I’m straight, I’m straight, I’m straight, I’m… He shut his eyes as tight as he could manage, locking his thoughts away neatly in a box, like he did with all significant emotions. If it wasn’t about school or survival it was unimportant, trivial. He locked it away with his anxieties about Lin getting tired of him and kicking him out, his memories from before it all went to shit, and everything else. He was not having a sexuality crisis, nope!

“Mako?” Bolin knocked gently on the door, but as was customary with them, it was more of a warning than a question. He walked in and upon seeing Mako curled up in the corner, sat beside him. “Mako-”

“I don’t wanna talk.”

“Mako that’s what you always say when you really need to talk but don’t know how,”

“No it’s not.”

“Yea, it is, dude. C’mon, you know I’ve just been messing with you.”

“Yea.”

“Mako!” Bolin’s face was crunched up exactly how it always was when Mako got like this. “I don’t see why you can’t just talk to me! Do you think I’m gonna judge you for whatever emotions you’re failing at hiding?”

“Bolin…” Mako’s mouth hung open, but he couldn’t make the words come out. “It’s just.” He hardened his jaw and breathed in slowly, steadily. “It’s…”

“I know. Well actually, technically I don’t, but uh… I can try, I guess.” He sighed as if searching for the right words. “Look Mako, I have no idea what you’re going through right now, but we’re brothers. You can talk to me. I understand not telling Lin, cause she’s not exactly Ms. Advice, but you can tell me things.”

“I know,” Mako whispered, but his tone was stiff. He wasn’t gonna talk about it, not yet at least. But it was nice, knowing for sure that no one was gonna hate him when he finally was ready to talk. Not that he didn’t know that before, but…

“I’m gonna go, and… uh, Wu couldn’t make it, by the way. He’s busy. But I didn’t think you’d wanna have anyone over right now… anyway.”

Mako watched as the door shut behind Bolin and he leaned back until his head rested on the cold wall. He wondered if he might get stuck there if he stayed still for long enough. He also wondered how long it would take for his brain to sort things out. Lastly, he wondered if it was possible to go to Ba Sing Se to find those people that had single-handedly ignited a flame in his mind that over the years, had  grown into a fire large enough to seep into all his thoughts and emotions and burn them to ash. He wanted to hit those people. He wanted to cry full on, big, ugly tears and not feel guilty about it. He wanted to stop feeling guilty about everything, blaming it all on himself because it was easier to carry the burden of everyone’s mistakes than to face his own demons that couldn’t seem to shut the fuck up. --- “You heard from that Lee girl recently?”

“Nope. Not since she started running numbers for the Agni Kais.”

“The Agni Kais? But isn’t she…”

A soft, almost mournful chuckle rang through the alley. Mako pressed himself further against the crates. He’d just come to get some food for Bolin, he hadn’t meant to run straight into Triple Threat Triad territory. But this conversation didn’t seem threatening at all. It seemed sad. 

“Yea, she was. I heard they didn’t take too kindly to it. Don’t know why she joined to begin with. ‘S no secret the Agni Kais won’t hesitate to strike down anyone like her.”

“Desperate for money, the girl was almost starved.”

“Probably. I would’ve given her somethin’.”

“You…”

“Don’t go ‘round telling people, but I got a soft spot for the kid. She was smart, that little girlfriend of hers too.”

Mako’s heart was spiraling in his chest. Strike down people like her, little girlfriend… he felt like he was gonna be sick. He knew Lee. She was just a couple years older than him, had only been on the streets for two months after he parents had kicked her out. She was the only homeless kid he knew that had a phone, and she’d let him play games on it when he got overwhelmed. And she was gone. They’d done what? Killed her just cause she liked girls. They hurt people like her. They hurt people like that. They… he curled in on himself, biting his lip to stop the tears. They hurt people like him. --- Mako hadn’t smoked since he was 15. He’d picked up the habit when he was young and stupid and so so scared. It’d helped with the emotions that were too big and too complicated. But a couple years ago, Lin had found his cigarette stash and fake ID. She confiscated it all, saying that she may have no clue what she was doing, but she sure as hell knew that 15 year olds weren’t supposed to be smoking. That was the end of it. It was easier anyway, to not smoke. It was easier when he had  a roof over his head and a guaranteed meal every night. 

It wasn’t hard to get more, he knew that Lin kept some stashed away for when her sister came to visit and she needed an excuse to go outside, away from everyone. Su said it was a disgusting habit, and Lin would point out that Su hadn’t thought that when she was 16. Mako always tuned out the argument right about then. 

The smoke plumed around him and he began to remember how he got addicted to this stuff. There was ash, sparks in his throat and he wondered if he would breathe fire when he exhaled. Wondered if a flame licking at his throat would make him feel alive in the way that didn’t terrify him. 

He had planted himself on the roof of the apartment building, knowing that he could easily lean back the wrong way and go tumbling off. He considered it for a moment, then took another drag on his cigarette. It was cold and he’d left his coat inside. He brought the withering cigarette up to his hand, almost leaving a burn mark on his palm, desperate for warmth. Maybe if he stayed out here long enough, the smoke would consume him until he was ash in the wind. Maybe that would be easier.

---

chapter 4