#also I’m a little tipsy rn lmao so that’s why I’m even posting this

[bahorell]

Spam musubi 10/10 I could die happy

[purplesurveys]

1240

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets?  I can’t make any dish. I wonder when I’ll get my ass up and start learning...

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair?  I wouldn’t dare; I have no skills in that department at all.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for?  Angela and Hans came over so we can watch Sowoozoo. 

How many long term relationships have you been in?  One.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on?  My default is lights out, but sometimes I’ll fall asleep with my night lamp still on and that’s fine too.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done?  I don’t really do forgiving.

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey?  No. I’ve tried listening to her songs but I find them too slow for my liking.

Do you know your blood type?  It’s O but I keep forgetting what specific type.

Do you know your mother’s birthday?  Yes.

Have you got your period at the moment?  It’s on its last few days.

Have you ever been pregnant?  Nopes.

How old were you when you first went on a plane?  I was around 10 or 11, can’t remember exactly. But it was in 2009 and we headed to Boracay.

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything?  No. OMG, adult activity I don’t quite understand just yet hfdhfkdjfhdf.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life?  Yeah they’re both grumbling right now just outside of my room because the power went out lmfao.

When was the last time you went apple picking?  I’ve never done this. Apples don’t grow here.

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say?  My pay for the last two weeks haha, but that’s not coming until Friday.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work?  No, I wouldn’t dare. I’m pretty unpredictable when I get drunk, so I’d rather stay safe haha. I’ve worked while tipsy, but it had been outside of work hours.

How many bedrooms are in your house?  4. One for each kid, then my parents’.

Are you smart about computers?  Nah.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii?  We didn’t have the game on our Wii, but I’ve played Just Dance before, just at other peoples’ houses.

Do you own a Xbox 360?  We were a Playstation household.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars?  Erm, sure, whatever.

So, do you need a nap?  I think I should be taking one for the sake of my health, but I won’t.

What would you rather be doing?  I stumbled upon a Facebook post of this newly-opened store in Greenhills that exclusively sells photocards and I wanna head the fuck over there rn with Angela. That store concept is practically unheard of so it’s a big deal and I wanna go there as I’m 100% sure the BTS ones would sell out pretty fast. But they heightened the stupid COVID protocols yet again and we have to stay at home, so there’s that.

What sport are you the best at?  Table tennis.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name?  Yeah but she’s turning 21 this year, so little wouldn’t be accurate anymore. We call her Nina at home but everyone else calls her by her full first name, Janina.

Do you complain a lot?  I do complain a lot but I also do the thing that is causing the complaint right after so I can shut myself up lmao.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple?  Both sound fun but I’ll probably take the temple. Yay for learning something new about culture!!

Do you like fruity or minty gum?  I don’t mind flavor when it comes to gum because they fade out anyway.

Are you looking forward to any day of this month?  My company set another mental health break day this upcoming August 27th, so I’ll be thinking about that day throughout the month.

Have you ever gotten detention?  We don’t have detention.

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life?  Sure.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. < Same. I can be brand-conscious sometimes, but generally if I find something cute, regardless from where I found it, I’d grab it.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently?  Technically yeah. It was a single album. 

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet?  I already have two of them.

Ever cried so much you threw up?  Possibly.

Who is your best guy friend? Hans.

What do you two do when you hang out?  We usually eat out and have a drink or two.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving?  Spotlight, just because it looked boring at first glance. It turned out to be very riveting and the screenplay was fascinating as well.

Do you even like horror movies?  Yes, but they’re best watched with other people.

Do you live in the country?  Nopes.

What is your favorite accent?  I don’t have one.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like?  No.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke?  I had the chance to try out Pepsi when we went to Taco Bell two weeks ago - it was my first time to have it and it was...actually pretty good??? The soda-hater in me was scandalized HAHAHA but it was good!!! I think I prefer Pepsi now.

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday?  My 21st birthday started out terribly because Gabie’s family didn’t want her to hang out with me on a Sunday (the day my birthday fell on), so we were in an argument the whole day. Angela saved the day when she planned out an impromptu dinner + arcade date for me, and that was the only good part of the day, really. I’d rather forget the rest of it.

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer?  I don’t think so.

Do you take a lot of pictures?  I’m starting to, now.

What kind of face wash do you use?  Good ol’ water.

Does drama always seem to follow you?  Not these days.

Does anybody in your family race?  Nope.

Are you closer to your mom or dad?  Dad, I guess. But I wouldn’t particularly call myself ‘close’ with either.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?”  I never received money from them.

How long do you want to live with your parents?  Maybe up until my mid-20s? Late-20s at the latest. I’m not exactly in the position to move out yet. The money I make at the moment would probably just be enough to cover rent, and just rent. I’d end up starving to death hahaha.

Do you have a laptop or desktop?  Laptop.

Do you like your parents?  Sure.

Do you secretly like someone?  I don’t.

Would you ever date your best male friend?  No. I also wouldn’t do that to Angela.

What are you currently listening to?  Moon by Jin! Such a comfort song.

Do you want to be single?  Yes.

Did you go out or stay in last night?  I stayed in and was knocked out pretty early since I had been up since 1 AM.

Have you pretended to like someone?  No. I don’t see why I would have to that.

How is your heart lately?  Just filled with nothing but Bangtan at this point haha. It’s doing well!

Are you wearing socks?  No. Socks bother me for the most part; they make my feet feel a bit suffocated.

What do people call you?  Robyn.

Do you get stressed out easily?  Yeah, I’m quite the overthinker.

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?  No, I’ve never actually been inside an ambulance, whether it came for me or for another person.

What is wrong with you right now?  I should probably cut back on the vaping, for one.

Do you own something from Hot Topic?  No.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?  It’s hard for me to sleep with someone else. Even when I had been in a relationship, I usually only got to fall asleep an hour or so after my partner already dozed off.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with?  No, I cut ties at the start of the year and have been substantially better since then.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry?  I honestly don’t think so. I’m the bigger crybaby between us.

Did you get any compliments today?  My mom thanked me for covering for Cooper’s shots today since they ended up being quite costly.

Have you ever gone to a beach?  Yes, it’s one of my absolute favorite places to be.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now?  Pass up on the offer.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?  Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to?  I’ve never had the ample time to, so no. I’ve always wanted to volunteer at an animal shelter, though.

Do you have long nails?  They’re not dramatically long, but they have started to grow out.

Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. < Same.

Do you generally look nice in photos?  I think this is the case these days, yeah. I’ve started feeling more confident and I think it’s able to translate in photos.

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet?  No.

What colour are your father’s eyes?  Dark brown.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?  BTS DUH

Name three facts about your family?  I come from a family of lawyers; many of us are big history buffs; and many are also fantastic cooks so I don’t know where that talent could have possibly gone when it come to my generation hah.

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?  If I’ve reached a certain level of investment in the relationship, I could probably handle it. 

What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received?  A Punk shirt and Petals For Armor physical CD from Andi this last Christmas.

What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. < Yessssss!

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?  I don’t.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?  Carving pumpkins sounds fun, especially since I haven’t tried it before.

Do you think you’re important?  Idk. I don’t really like drawing attention to myself though, so that could probably answer your question.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?  Andi wrote a letter for me to accompany the aforementioned Christmas gifts they gave, and it remains to be my favorite letter I’ve received. They essentially reminded and affirmed me that I’m stronger than I think I am, and that I’ve been through a lot and have grown a lot, and that that growth is seen by people around me.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders?  No.

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new?  Just to different cities, but considering how tiny my country is, the move is quite insignificant lol.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks?  I’m 100% sure I don’t know how to properly hold chopsticks, but I have my own way and it works lol. Fake it til you make it.

Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. < Same. I don’t mind leading, especially considering the control freak I can be lolol.

What was the first thing you ate today?  I haven’t eaten anything today. I skipped breakfast since I brought Cooper to the vet, and by the time I got back the dining table had already been cleared. It’s fine though, I don’t feel too hungry.

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like?  I’d be with Angela, Reena, and Hans at that insane new photocard store I talked about earlier. IDEALLY, we’d probably pick up a photocard or two if the ones we want aren’t sold out yet (lol a rarity), then we’d have some nachos and stuff right after and just talk about all things Bangtan lol with Hans cracking us up the whole time since he is just naturally hilarious.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out?  Content. Happy. I feel warm and loved and surrounded by the best people.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do?  Learning how to cook is one.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back?  Not really.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy?  Being in the purple ocean with my best friends.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference?  A part of me wishes my final face-to-face conversation with Gabie had been a more solid closure, just so we could finally put a hard stop to that chapter. But at that time I thought we would continue talking, so there had still been some stuff lingering in the air when we called it a day and parted ways. So in a sense we never really got closure when I finally cut ties, which the ESTJ in me remains to be nagged by, but I try not to be bothered by it anymore considering how much better I am doing right now. We didn’t know the future at the time, so it’s okay the way things turned out, ultimately.

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it?  I have no clue. It’s not really a priority.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow?  I’m fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’  Nah.

How many drugs are in your system?  Just caffeine.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Werkwerkwerkwerk.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body?  Nopes.

Do you call anyone baby?  I don’t.

What’s your current mood?  I’m prety neutral. I wish I could be out right now, but stupid Covid and stupid quarantine. But I don’t really mind staying at home, either, so. I’m just so-so.

Do you think you are a good person?  I hope so.

What were you doing before filling out this survey?  I watched Sunday mass with my family.

How late did you stay up last night?  Around midnight.

When was the last time you cried really hard?  I cried just a few days ago because period hormones, but the last time I cried hard? I’m not sure. April maybe?

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?  LOL yes it’s soooooooo long already.

[hopelesslylovesick]

Favorite Mistake

September 12, 2021 | 1:33 AM

We broke up today. God I feel so weird, I hated typing that. I’m so weirdly numb rn, I can’t explain it. I’m drinking a vodka cran rn which is a first for me, but it’s what’s available so I’ll take it. I made it extra strong because it seems like the time calls for it. I kept choking on my tears and stuff on the drive home, and I worked so hard to suppress it.

I feel like these past couple weeks I’ve suppressed my tears and emotions from fully coming out so much that I’ve grown numb and it just feels like something is stuck. Listening to JMSN’s new album right now, Heals Me, because she played it earlier in the car and it sounded nice.

I told her that I made it home as she asked but she hasn’t replied yet...

I hope she’s okay. I know that she’s probably crying or just curled up on her sofa or something, but I still hope she’s okay. I feel like it hasn’t really hit for me. The fact that we broke up. Not that she ever really was (technically), but I don’t think it’s really hit me yet that she’s not mine anymore. That I can’t hold her like I used to. That I can’t call her baby and kiss her like how I want to. That she won’t be my baby anymore. Fuck. I hate this. It’s so unfair. Why can’t it work out somehow. This is such bullshit. 

1:41 AM

I haven’t done timestamps in the middle of a post since when I used to do lines, but felt like they were needed here - she just replied. “Yayy” eh? I wonder if she’s just trying to be extra cheery here. Man I’m already tipsy here. I miss her. So damn much. I want to hold her in m

Man I had to compose myself there. I want to hold her. I wish I held onto her longer. I want to have her in my arms. I want to have my face buried in her head. I want to hold her hands while I keep her close. Fuck I miss her.

I had to get some tissues there, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I hate this so damn much. Why can’t she be mine. Why can’t I have her. Why does it have to be so hard.

It’s so stupid, but I decided I’m going to keep the parking pass thing I got today on my date with her. At least for a little while, I’m going to keep it in my wallet. As a reminder. I still have my photo of her in my wallet. Fuck.

Ah fuck I keep crying. Fuck.

1:49 AM

She replied again! Man I get so happy? Relieved? Whenever I see a text from her. I know I’m going to go to sleep tonight and hope everything was a dream or some shit, but fuck. Why are things so hard.

She sounds so cheery. I hope she’s not just faking it. You know I always told myself that when we break up, I would mourn for myself. For finally being free and all that. But man, I would take all the lows and bad times 10x over if it meant I could keep being with her.

She’s so special. So damn special. What am I supposed to do now, I don’t have much to look forward to anymore lmao. 

This JMSN album is good, well certain songs anyways. I have secret garden on for the second time rn. I miss her.

1:53 AM

Well babe, here’s the part of my post that’s for you. You wanted me to send whatever I write to you anyways so you get a whole part. I’m still going to babe you here even though we broke up because I’m writing a letter to you about us, so I feel like I should be allowed to.

I don’t even know what to say or where to start. I feel like I won’t be able to say everything i want, and feel like I’ve already said so much, that I’m a bit lost here. But firstly, and most importantly, I love you. I love you so so much. So damn much. 

I’m sorry to have put you through so much this past week in having to make a decision, especially these past months. I know it wasn’t easy, and I thank you so much for sticking it out until now.

I really appreciated my time with you so much, and I’m super grateful for it. I wish I got to do so much more with you but I guess we can always still do that now as friends. I’ll make sure to bring you milk chocolate (I think that’s right?!), and some water lillies on our friend-date.

You brought me so much joy and happiness, and I don’t know what I would have done without you. Especially when the pandemic hit and things were rough at home, seeing you every week single-handedly made me so happy and gave me something to look forward to and be happy about every week. I’m sorry I didn’t make you more food, and I’ll be sure to make it up  to you once I get my own place :)

Thank you for putting up with me and my stubbornness all this time, and I’m sorry for making you feel ignored or not heard, and just everything whenever we had our arguments. 

I still remember our first date really vividly you know, I remember you walking in with your big old jacket, covered in rain droplets and what not. I remember you taking it off and sitting down, and looking really pretty in the candle light, and your cute ass smile. Looking back on it, I really love and think I’ll always remember that moment.

All the countless dates we had made me so happy each time, and I just loved spending time with you. Even if we weren’t doing anything, I just loved being with you and being able to spend time with you. I’m sorry about all the shitty dates in the car and grocery store constantly, I promise I will make it up to you. Although I did very much enjoy scouring grocery stores with you :)

You’re a beautiful woman, and a fantastic person, with the kindest, purest soul. So I want you to be less harsh and critical of yourself baby, and be nicer to yourself. Treat yourself with the respect and love that you so deserve. Treat yourself to nice things, but also make sure you eat properly, and don’t smoke so much. Make sure to think hard before tattooing yourself, and make smart decisions  without just giving into any sort of pressure.

Like I said before, this isn’t a goodbye as far as I’m concerned, but a see you later. Until next time baby, you cute ass birb.

I love you.

[bigbrothermonopoly]

EPISODE 3:

HOH: EVE

EVICTED: TAWNI 13-0

KORI:

Honestly, after recording this, it kinda shocks me how much was happening in House Chat... did they not have friends and family to spend the New Year's with instead of being drunk on Discord?

JESS:

If I have to hear Chris say "And I ooop" ONE MORE FUCKING TIME. I SWEAR.

WILLIAM:

I can't say I am not nervous about Eve winning HoH for two reasons.... First off I know that there are no more major house targets so now alliances might start forming, and I just hope that I am a part of them, and secondly I don't think many people know where Eve's head is at and whoever she puts up will absolutely be a blindside 

KRISTINE:

Oh my goodnessss Im so glad that Eve kept me safe this week. It really really sucks that I’m playing veto though... especially since Austin is up there as a nominee. I really think I should throw this Veto because I really need to keep my middle ground. I want to work with Eve for sure but Chris is just like pulling me into all this craziness with a big alliance and everything it’s really too much sometimes. I’m throwing this veto hard asf and this one BETTER not bounce back lmao. Anyways I hope this works out for me. 

JESS:

The relationships in this game are definitely becoming super evident and transparent right now. From the top of my head I can name at least 4 sets of duos, budding friendships, and alliances. This what I think so far.... Gwen, Silence, and Austin are an alleged thing. How do I know: Will told me because Madison spilled it to him. (Brien hasn't told me yet and I'm sure Madison has told me so that is SUSSSSSSS) As a result of that... I know: Will and Madison are close which means Brien/Madison/Will should be close just by association through Madison. Madison has come to life so it wouldn't surprise me if she was friends with a majority of these boys because apparently that is her thing. Brien also seems to be spreading his social seed around so those two are kind of scary to me but as soon as I expose they are dating I think there will at least be some paranoia there and people will target them. Will was an idiot and shared his screen so my ass took a screenshot to see his alliances and I do know he has one called "Rws League" so I know he's at least withholding that info from me. SO SUSSSSS but also can't blame him for not sharing alliances with me? We will work on that though. Next up we have: Kristine, Chris, Brien, Emma, Emma How do I know: Brien spilled the beans last round. Do I think it's 100% a thing not really but I do think there is a chance it is a thing. The idea of this being a thing is soooo scary to me because this group has sooo many other outside connections. Brien has Madison because well they are dating. Kristine and Chris are close I think? Emma and Def have that Galore thing but who knows? (I honestly don't think the Galore thing is an actual factor in this game) Kristine has Eve and that whole duo thing fucking scares me because I think they could both run this game if they wanted to do so. Where do I fit into all of this? I have no idea. I don't have anything outside of my day 1 alliance of Kori/Emma/Eve/Mackenzie/Myself and the weird Brien and Madison one. I know I need to make more connections so people won't nominate me or if they do I'll have the votes and the connections to stay. I know Brien has hinted at wanting to make an alliance of 5 with myself, Eve, him, and Madison but he's really pushing for William as a fifth. Which I would be fine with IF I didn't know that he was already close with Madison. I don't like power imbalances not in my favour in alliances so...  yikes. I feel a bit better about my position in the game right now. I do think I've at least gained some ground on people like William and Andrew. I want to trust Kori and work with him going forward but I'd be dumb to think he's not doing the same thing and planning for the future where the alliance implodes. I just feel like with Kori it is so hard for me right now to get him to give me info. I feel like I'm the one who constantly has to talk to him first, give him info first, and try to basically encourage him to TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS GAME and it is driving me insane. I'm trying not to be paranoid but that just scares me and shows me that just because I think I can trust someone it does not necessarily mean the feeling is mutual or at least it isn't at the same level of trust I have in them. This is probably paranoia all talking so don't mind me future episode reader.

CHRIS:

All right so I survived Potentially eve putting me up. I only assume that she would because her and Andrew seem very close. I know that I am on thin ice with some people however hopefully the nominations will stay the same and I won’t be back doored. If anyone in my alliance wins and they want to take down Austin, I might convince them to not and just shove all the votes on silence. If all the vote go on silence then Austin will still be here no matter what, which would then still have power trap, Jason’s book club, and underwood slongs are still intact. Soon this game will take off, and there will be no easy targets. When that happens I am hopeful all my appliances and the relationships I made or help me walk towards the end

KORI:

So, this kindof sucks? Like on one hand I'm glad Eve won HoH because I want her to raise her target so that she'll eventually take the fall, and because I know we're good and she won't be looking to nominate me or backdoor me for a solid while yet. Still not exactly a fan of how it went down since she did LITERALLY nothing in the challenge until the last hour. Mackenzie did all the work in my mind she should've probably won the challenge. The part that sucks is that she nominated Austin AND Silence, two of my Mandela Moncoles Alliance members, which means I can't actually win POV even if I'm capable of doing so. (Granted I'd have thrown even if she nominated one of them.) Because then I'd have to choose, that could expose things, yadda, yadda, yadda. I might come to regret throwing POV because it could lead to myself being backdoored. But I also am hoping the game I'm playing is like I don't know, not complete shit that I won't be in that kind of situation this early on. There's still some people where my relationship is pretty lacking and balancing that last challenge when I'm in 2 alliances was just a complete cluster-fuck, and here's hoping that if it IS Silence and Austin, that Silence is the one that goes. I feel like Austin is easier to manage, even if he's a little less active. Like Silence is ok, but we don't need more drunkeness and shit. Hopefully whoever goes my relation to Gwen and whoever stays remains UTR. Though the nomination situation might change post-veto. I'm also currently debating snagging the Utilities when I have enough money... I dunno, it just seems like it could be a good purchase for me, since I don't predict I'll be in a situation where I'll actually be able to get Boardwalk and Park Place. We'll see what my options are closer to the time.

ANDREW:

episode 3 why tf would chris come for me, he asked me to be his ally the other day like thats annoying af. he pissed me off "i see that william billed me. i now give myself permission to destroy him without feeling bad" mission accomplished i want to win this HoH so far im doing pretty good and im confident i can win if i keep it up the only thnig im worried about is i told my bf id hang out with him at like 7:30 but. might have to blow him off jk not ruining a relationship 4 this game but i hope i can win lmfao Chris pming mackenzie to get me out Ur ass is going up if i win mf Ur an idiot. I hate every man in this competition except brian and dem i like actually dont wanna try anymore these bitches are so fucking annoying like i will try but i dont fucking want to i hate kori and chris i hate chris so fucking much Eve is in first place and she hasnt done shit which is lowkey annoying af but its whatever For some reason i feel like Eve is going to do me dirty this week, I don’t know why i feel this way but I just do I see her as big af competition like probs my biggest, i hope she doesn’t see me in the same light because i don’t want her gunning for me@ Daily reminder I hate Chris I know it’s going to be a bitch to take him out of this game But i will go down trying Omg! Austin winning veto is fucking dope cuz i completely expected him to go home this week lmfao And i think he likes me still despite the whole chris thingy (i informed him what happened and how we will no longer be working together) EVE has informed me that there are sides slowly forming in this game, I tell her I'm scared bc I don't get much info, she tells me to stick with her and she'll have my back, so tht's what im going to do :heart: I trust her, the bitch is smart and people like her. her word seems genuine, she doesn't need to be making a deal with me, i have no power and she has all of it, so thats why im trusting her word rn 

JESS:

Well time for a tipsy confessional. Guess what? People aka: Kristine think me, Gwen, and Tawni are close? That's fucking news to me. That kind of really bothers me because I don't get how she'd come to that conclusion.... which means someone on a call spread that to Kristine. Somehow. The only people on call with the 3 of us were Brien/William/Madison I think so rip,

AUSTIN:

So... I was nominated this week. But guess what? I won the mother fuckin’ power of veto and saved myself. Now Tawni is on the block next to Silence as Eve’s replacement nominee. I’m in an alliance with Silence so it would make sense to vote out Tawni. Most of the house wants Tawni out I believe so I’m pretty sure she is going home.

TAWNI:

I’m probably gone TAWNIToday at 5:11 AM Part of me wants to quit because I’m annoyed But I’m not a quitter At least physically leave the game quit I’ve just given up I physically feel sick TAWNIToday at 5:18 AM I wouldn’t be in this position If this was the time o was going to bed and not waking up everyday Or if I could be more active at work And this happening right after I’ve had to deal with the add contacts shit Like and everyone is mad at me because I have a bad taste for cheatham in my mouth when I have a valid reason to be mad at him but everyone sees it as I’m mad he voted me out But when have they heard me talk about the others that did Everyone in the community believes what they want to believe And right now I feel like I’m seen as the bad guy TAWNIToday at 5:29 AM But someone is saying I have connections in this game And I don’t I talk to Jess and brien Two votes won’t save me My fucking connections are in here And no one here can help me The worst part is the fact if anyone drafted me I like let them down. And like people have said before no one really cares about the draft like that but it’s like people had faith in me or at least hoped I’d win and I came up short. And on a comp I’m able to get a 12 on and I just couldn’t do it TAWNIToday at 6:23 AM I just don’t understand what I did Because eve saying it’s not personal doesn’t make sense. I’m not a physical threat. I haven’t come close to winning anything. I’m not a social threat clearly because no one wants to keep me where. And she said I was always going to be the renom???? And now I’m the target? And she’s mad at me for being upset?? I’m I just that big of an idiot that I don’t see her logic? And yes I’m still crying TAWNIToday at 6:34 AM It’s seriously taking everything in me to not go off in the house chat. I have so much anger and hurt built up inside of me right now. From getting out on TS and having everyone hate me to getting put on the list and not being able to defend myself not being able to defend someone I consider a friend after I got them put in that Situation and now because I don’t even know who started this thing about me having connections. I

MACKENZIE:

hiiii currently trying to decide who i’m gonna vote to evict hzjjzjzjz ummm hoping me or jess wins hoh next round ummm also kristine still scares me

GWEN:

Tawni will be going home. So much has gone down in the last few days. I was on VC with Silence and he didn't realize that Madison was on and mentioned an alliance with us and Austin. And now people think we're in an alliance with Dem. How that happened? I have no idea. Also, people think that the "Old ladies" of Tawni, Jess, and I are in an alliance. Not true. Soooo that is a good reason for Tawni to go home. I DON'T TRUST BRIEN THAT SNEAKY SON OF A BITCH...LOVE YOU Brien, but you gotta goooo dude.

JESS:

So I'm just here eating a bagel kind of hoping I choke on it because maybe it'll put me out of the misery that is this GAME. So much has happened this fucking round. First of all Kristine trying to paint me, Gwen, and Tawni as a trio... super cute. She couldn't be more wrong.This is the second time Kristine has been shady towards me so she needs to fucking go. She won't go for a bit because Eve thinks 'she has Kristine" but I don't so she needs to BOUNCE. I don't trust Tawni one bit. She's too emotional, she literally admitted to hating me for A YEAR for a past game move I don't even remember or the game.. Gwen is also just... way.too.much. So that is a big yikes. So Tawni has to go. She was going to go regardless because of her comment she made towards me about being mad at me for a year. So that had to go for me before jury started because nope. not listening to that all game. I'll let Eve think she's protecting me from others but I would have pushed Tawni to go because she has the MOST dirt on my gameplay in this game. So this all works out. HOWEVER, MY BOO ANDREW IS KEEPING STUFF FROM ME. I'm heart broken. LITERALLY HEART BROKEN. I'm hearing he knew about the alliance of Gwen, Austin, Silence, Dem but he didn't tell me. Now he's trying to pretend like he's hearing this shit for the first time and I'm just overrrrrr it. This is strike one for him. I know he's close to Austin. So that's probably why everyone knows about this alliance. Austin probably told Andrew and Chris. I think Chris told Brien who in turn told me.. and everyone else because he's... Brien. I've also found out that Chris/Kristine/Emma have recently played a game together so THANKS JACOB for casting them together. That there is also an alliance with Brien/Chris/Gwen which is cute. Will use this info later on. I just think there's way tooo many unknowns for me in this fucking game but I don't want to win next HOH because I would want to nominate fucking Kristine. She doesn't trust me and I don't trust her. I'd be so tempted to nominate Kristine/Austin just to shake shit up. But one could only dream and that'd be dumb. I'm so happy Mackenzie is starting to see through Eve's shit. I really hope she starts playing as her own player because I'd make her my #1 so fucking fast. I obviously can't agree with her straight up because she might go back to Eve but... Eve does treat her and me like we are her bitches. We HAD to give Eve the advantage, we HAVE to take out Tawni for Eve. I can't wait until people start seeing through her shit and she goes but not only I've secured myself in this game..

KORI:

So like legit, Tawni has CRACKED. She got really emotional on call with Gwen and Eve, she's apparently HARDCORE throwing Gwen under the bus. I'm just sitting here drinking my tea like: https://media2.giphy.com/media/3o7btLQZrOU4ssEew8/giphy.gif It looks reasonably likely that Tawni is going to go home as a result. What's interesting is that this week I feel like revealed a dynamic to me of Madison-Brien-Tawni-William, that I think I wasn't aware of before. I also just did a clutch maneuver towards what I believed to be peak Chaos, Me and Gwen went and bought the utilities. Ideally I'll be the one in control of how we use the Utilities no idea what the power is yet because we're so BROKE we can't even trade them to a single person to hold... so that's fun. I'm excited though because I feel like it's the first thing I've like DONE. Granted this probably removes any Chance I have of getting Boardwalk/Park Place. But I'm totally fine with that, the odds of me getting that whole set was low anyway, this one is at least obtainable and there's a chance that I might get some more of the lower properties too. Brien is honestly probably a snake though based on the conversations we've been having lately. But I'm not gonna look to make some giant waves. Like if I win HoH next week I'll probably nominate some combination of William, Dem, Andrew, and Madison. Just gotta see how this week goes first. (And actually win HoH next week. Probs won't happen... we'll have to wait and see.) In other news I just launched my ORG series Survivor Zenith YAS! It's stressful hosting an ORG but like I'm excited too, so here's hoping that goes well and that I'm still in this game when I finish hosting it.

EMMA:

shit is gonna be wild next week cant wait to make a confs and not be boring yeehaw

BRIEN:

[bubwagon]

I

I had a really positive interaction with my mom? We talked about some of the our differences and I confessed that I often act like a brat because I'm being bratty, not because I think she's wrong. And that sometimes I disagree with her on more things than I need to because I think she talks out of her ass. She agreed to do research about birth control before telling me it would make me barren lmao. And at the end she was like, idk why you broke up w/ Eric but and I was like oh my god mom but she was like "but I realize that we're not close enough to talk about that yet and I hope you'll tell me one day"

Eric if you're reading this she also said she thought you were a good influence/part of my life (still are!!)

And yeah it was just good talk?? I got to explain why we aren't the children she thought she was going to raise (cultural differences bc of East and west) and why to her we seem to be growing up so slowly (lmao Mom we can't just marry the first boy we date in our small Chinese village and raise a family at 24. Life has gotten a lot more complicated in the last 40 years and we have a lot more choices to make) but also maybe got her to see that she didn't like, fail to raise successful children, just children who are successful in ways that are different from what she maybe thought.

This isn't done by any means. I still like, don't really feel like we're gonna wake up tomorrow w/ drastically different povs or treat each other differently but it's nice to know it's POSSIBLE to make ourselves heard to each other and that probably wouldn't have happened if I wasn't out from a happy hour and fulla green tea vodka (better than it sounds) (i'm still maybe a bit tipsy)

This is a good first step is all

Since I'm talking about good things: I like my job so much on a day I coulda worked from home I trekked all the way to sf because I woulda missed a day of hangin w/ Jen and pcrosb

Also: I am.... So good at talking to strangers. Sometimes I forget but today I went to a fresh store and they gave me.... A million free samples, their numbers, their Facebook, and let me buy and immediately return an item so I could qualify for a free gift with purchase.

We're gonna get drinks sometime.

I also talked to a guy on bart and we had a good convo and he added me on Facebook! And I hung out w/ John's friends and had a good time even tho they're all 10 years older than I am. Feels a little like a kid at the grownups table. Only I'm a grownup.

Oh and Ian saw but ignored some messages and I noticed this and felt nothing, which is good. But I'm thinking about it which is bad.

And I set up an app to manage my finances! My goal is to save 2/3rds of my income a month. When my paycheck gets higher I'm gonna try for 3/4ths! I'm thinking abt tess w/ hearteyes right now

AND!!!!!! TOMORROW I'M GONNA GO TO A CAFE W/ AISHWARYA AND WE'RE GONNA WORK TOGETHER AT A CAFE THAT HAS KOMBUCHA ON TAP!! I HOPE!!!!

OK I'm done sorry this wasn't a juicy drama filled sad post this was just me suckin my dick abt how my life is good rn. I think most of you are following it bc u maybe care about my life? Not just bc drama and heartache are fun? So maybe it's fine and I don't need to apologize

I lov u all

[purplesurveys]

456

Got any nicknames that you rarely even use? Nah, my one nickname is used a lot. Nevermind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? I’m fine being female. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? Not at all, I get happier when I finally get to say it with one more added year. Probably because I’ve always wanted to break out of that long ass period of being a teenager and being overlooked and invalidated and all those rebellious blunder years as well. Working anywhere? No. I’m interning in a PR company starting next Thursday, though! What's your favorite thing to put in your mouth? Japanese or Indian food.

What about the worst? Accidentally-eaten raisins. Have any allergies? Nope. I’m just glad I’m not allergic to any food. One of my closest friends, Kate, is allergic to eggs, chicken, and meat; and a lot more people i know are allergic to seafood and I’m sooooooooooooooooo frustrated for them. Are you confident enough to reveal your height and weight? Sure. I don’t mind being tiny and I never really struggled with weight. What one personal rule you have that you want your surroundings to follow? I hate physical touch as communication. Holding my hand, hugging me too tight, resting your head on my shoulder, suddenly grabbing my arm...unless it’s Gabie, and to an extent Kate (cos she’s naturally touchy) and Angela, I get freaked out inside. When you get muscle soreness, where does it hit you the worst? Shoulders and neck could get pretty bad. What do your parents call you? Anak or ‘Nak, which literally means ‘child’ in Filipino; Robyn, and Byn. When they refer to me in a conversation with my younger siblings, I’m called ‘Ate,’ or the term for elder sisters. Something you just can’t stand no matter what? When someone scrapes their utensils onto their plate way too hard and loud. What’s something that people do that you love? When everyone bands together to help someone when they’re in trouble. Of course this doesn’t happen all the time, but it’s so easy to make me cry just by making me watch videos of this happening. How old were you when you first got to go on the computer? I was 3. My dad had Need for Speed on the computer and I still remember how it came with the legit steering wheel and pedals. If you have a blog, facebook, myspace, etc, how long have you had it for? I think I’ve had this one since 2016. I have another survey blog I got locked out from because I forgot my password, and I had that since 2012 or 2013. If you have a blog or website, advertise here: I’m posting this on my blog itself lmao. What age would you want to get married/did you get married? 27-29. Any lovers at the moment? I have a girlfriend, sure. When was the last time you had a crush on someone? Right now, but more intensely this morning haha. Would you say you're an emotional person? More than average, definitely. Have a kid or want to? Want them. Describe your hair style right now? It’s in a ponytail but I’ve had it on since morning and I’ve been on the couch the whole day so it’s a super messy one right now. A habit a lot of people around you notice you doing is? I don’t know if there’s a habit everyone tends to do, but they all seem to curse, if that’s counts as a habit. Favorite artist? Like...in general? Probably Hozier, he’s one of the best and most genuine artists/songwriters out there. And Hayley Williams. What's a fashion trend you would rather die than follow? Don’t Blame The Kids merch. Got any internet friends you've never met in real life? Yeah, my old internet friends - they all lived either in the US or spread out in Europe so I really could not meet with them ever. Right now, the ones I’ve never met are Aliyah and Gabbie. Do you chat with a lot of people on the computer or only few? It used to be a lot since I was super active in the wrestling fandom before. Nowadays my circle is kept to my high school batchmates and college friends. Your favorite person you know in real life is...? My girlfrienddddddddd. Are you a forgiving person? No. It’s kinda the unofficial personal rule I have with people: I will always give away my trust to anyone from the very beginning and will be patient for a very long time, that to fuck up hard enough to reach the point of having to ask for forgiveness is already like overstaying in my circle or my life in general lmao. What's a color that suits you the best? Black and maroon. For some reason green does too, but I hate green. And a color you just can't pull off/don't want to? Orange, gray, yellow. Based on your running speed, what animal would you be? I’d probably be like a cow hahaha. Got any hobbies? Sure.

Can you read in public? Only if I manage to be alone and end up in a quiet and comfy area in public. The noisiest I can handle is probably a busy coffee shop because at least the noise there is a bit therapeutic. Describe yourself when you were 6 years old? I dunno, really...I was friends with a popular bunch and we even made a dumb 6 year old thing we called the Bratz Club (because they were huge at the time), but there was also huge bitch of a bully not from the group who also always targeted me. I was still a big crybaby, and I threw a huge tantrum one time someone mistakenly told on me when I didn’t do anything, that my mom had to step in lmao. I was still pretty quiet but like I had enough friends and I even spoke on our moving up ceremony, so I think I was doing quite well. Right brained or left brained? I already forgot my psych lessons from two semesters ago, hah. How much sleep do you get usually? 6-7 hours is the average. Do you know your blood type? I don’t. What’s hilarious (and sad) is that I don’t think my parents know either unless they check my birth cert LMAOOOOOO. Whenever I have to fill out forms that ask for it, I ask my mom and she deadass says, “O+ is the most common right? Just write that one down” bye sis if I need a donation and I die that’s on her kksksksksks What's your favorite astrologic sign? I don’t care for and hate all of them. What month do you with you were born and why? April. Presumably because I was conceived somewhere in mid-July 1997, I guess? Have any large dreams you're trying to achieve? Sure.

One thing you would like to change about yourself? My anxiety. One thing you like about yourself? Work ethic. A type of personality you just can’t stand? People who say too many innuendos or are too green-minded. Your personality in one word would be? Uhhhh that’s hard to capture. I guess ‘shy’ is the word. Your appearance in one word would be? Chill.

What’s a talent you'd love to have? Playing the piano. The best prank you've pulled? I hate pranks, whether I’m the pranker or prankee. If I gave you ten dollars right now, what would you do with it? Save it. I’m out of money from drinking in two upscale bars last night lol. What if it was a million dollars? Probs get myself a nice dinner. A person or a thing you truly love from your heart? Girlfriend. A wish you have? More money. Pokemon, Digimon, GI JOE, Barbies or other? Pokemon. City type of person or country? Definitely the city. As good as the food is and as clean as the air is in the province, I don’t think I’ll last. Plus I was never raised in the province so I would miss the city life too much.

Ever take polls on the net? Yeah sometimes I’d take the ones I’d come across just for funsies or because I’m genuinely interested about the results. Any word that you love? Poignant. I thought it meant something nice and ~elegant at first; had no clue it was supposed to mean something super bittersweet. What's something you're obsessed about right now? Mukbang ASMR videos. If you had a typing battle, do you think you'd win? I think I would hahaha. Several semesters of rapid note-taking in college will serve me well. Favorite type of candy? Peanut butter cups, if they count. How often do you clean your ears? Every other day. Brag about something! I got a 2.00 in a class I genuinely thought I’d fail in. 2 isn’t a great grade at all but that class was SO AWFUL that I was dying of anxiety just to get a 3 this whole time. My instructor released the grades last night while I was at a club and I bawled when I found out. Something you find unhealthy about yourself? I eat so unhealthily and have no healthy habits AT ALL other than constantly drinking water. I don’t wash my face, never watch what I eat, never exercised a day in my life, all that neglectful jazz. Words of wisdom? I’m not really in a thoughtful mood rn to spontaneously think of advice. Are usually the one talking or listening to others? Listening. I hate having to be in the spotlight longer. Your reaction if someone told you you look 10 years older than your age? Honestly I’d be really flattered because I’ve looked 10 years younger my whole life. To say that I look 10 years older will just balance it out to mean that I look my exact age hahahahahaha Any favorite numbers? I don’t have lucky numbers but whenever I have to pick ones, I always say 4 or 23. Any weak spots? ???? Like in bed? Lmao my neck but I hope I understood this correctly. Do you really badly want anything right now? Money. Savings. But also iced coffee :( How much money would you say you have saved up? I literally have no money in my wallet and I can take a photo right now to show that I have absolutely no bills left. I get really irresponsible with money when I get a little tipsy and I got three Long Island Iced Teas last night :/ the last glass I bought when I found out my grade in that pain-in-the-ass class I talked about earlier, so it was technically an impulse celebratory purchase. Anything from your past you just want to forget about? So many events, my friend. So many events. What does it take to earn respect from you? None. I give everyone respect and trust from the very beginning, because that’s what they deserve. But the thing is I can very much take it away when it’s disrespected or abused. Where were you born? Somewhere in stinky Manila. How many people do you live with? 4. How do you cheer yourself up? Depends. It’s a different formula each time. What's something that makes you really stressed out? Internship. Have any particular standard you look for in a significant other? No. I’m a demi, so I’ll end up being attracted to someone because of who they are. I used to have standards but they were so limiting, so I just got rid of those. Ever had a friend that was someone completely opposite to you? Gabie. Ez. We couldn’t be any more different. Are you any good at science? I’m good in biology in particular and I’m okay in physics, but I hate chemistry.  Highlight of the day? Waking up to Gab because she slept over last night. Do you go on any forums on the net? Does Reddit count? What do you think of your voice? It’s okay. It’s not super annoying for me. A smiley face you use a lot? Just the classic :) Do you use msn-lingo? Not since 2011 at the latest haha. Got any secrets you honestly can't say to anyone? This blog. Well except for my sister who stays as the only person I know who knows about this, but other than that I wanna keep this as a secret safe space forever. Best horror movie? Oh wow I haven’t seen anything new in a while. It’s still a four-way between Scream, Cabin in the Woods, The Shining, and Carrie. Believe in voo doo? No. Think anything lives forever eternally? Uh maybe jellyfish? Tacos or Burritos? Burrito. I never liked tacos. The most annoying question on these surveys? Maybe the ones that didn’t use apostrophes when the questions needed them. Whats something you do when you're dead bored? Watch videos. Ever made a survey? Nah. What do you think of people who speak their mind? Brave. But they should also be careful to not be too comfortable about being blunt that they wind up an asshole. How do you act to people around you crying? I stop what I’m doing and listen to them, if they want to talk. What's something you've tried really hard at? Passing that bitch of a class I’ve mentioned for the third time in this survey. How do you say good byes? I just say a ‘bye,’ but if it’s a harder goodbye then I usually avoid the situation, because I cry easily.