#also I doubt many people even glance at my posts and this anime is 10 years old

[olivieraa]

its hard to hate the first season of SnK

like, Ive had OP 1, 2 & 3 in my playlist for 10 years now. I dont listen to them as much as I used to. I'll skip them sometimes, I'll let them play out sometimes. they used to be my treadmill songs lmao

but there's something about an OP song when paired with the visuals of an OP. it hits different.

my first ep of SnK was the ep right before the second OP came out, which was ep 13. so I watched 13 eps in one day (it was hella addictive)

so by ep 14 I watched it as it aired and it had the new OP and I remember my dash absolutely flooded with fan theories about what the vague visuals meant

it was an intense time lol like my memory is so vivid

either a) discussions of the new OP and what it meant b) justice for marco or c) ......those darn Eruri shippers (I think that's the name idk)

do I think s2 went a bit downhill? yes. I barely remember it. but s1 still gets me hype, gives me chills, i still get surprised despite knowing what happens. the music is sensational. the twists are bomb. but also, knowing spoilers, there's so much you look at differently. ESPECIALLY knowing who the two main titans are. their dialogue is so interesting when you know.

but yeah to be up to the ep when I first started watching it is why I feel a little more nostalgic.

literally the thing that got me to ever even watch SnK was a picture of Levi talking about how disgusting germs were. I was like I LIKE HIM I'M IN

[thequeenofsastiel]

Bad Buddy Episode 10 Review

Yes, you read that right, episode 10 review. I was lazy and kept putting a review for this episode off, but I wanted to rewatch it to prepare for episode 11, and thought it was time to do a review. Given the fact that this review is a week late and this show is appropriately popular, I doubt I'm going to make any observations that haven't already been made. However, I didn't look through the tags because I wanted to write my review before doing so, which means I have no idea whether other people have said the same things. So, from the top:

I really appreciated that when Pran saw Pat's folks, his instinct was to run back to Pat, and his face when he realized he couldn't was quite sad. He glanced at the door so many times and it was a little heartbreaking.

I'm not certain how Pat's parents were so easily placated by Pat's story about Pran's friend helping with the case, given that Pa and Pat were super sketchy about the reason that Pran was there at first.

I was confused at Pran being surprised that Pat knew what the drama between their parents was about. Did they just never talk about it? I suppose I could see that, though. If they wanted to be friends, avoiding discussing the reasons they couldn't be makes sense. Like if they don't discuss it, it's like it doesn't exist, almost.

I find it very charming that Pat made Pran's bed(messily, but still), given the fact that we saw that he doesn't bother to make his own bed in the morning(not that I'm judging; if I adjust the covers at all so that they're somewhat covering my bed I'm proud). Also Pat's love of his stuffed animal is utterly adorable.

The declaration of love was amazing. Sometimes with BL couples it's not clear why they like each other or if they even understand each other, so having Pat list all the things he knows about Pran was precious. Especially the part about Pran smelling good. I must add a gif of the expression on Pran's face when Pat said that to my existing post about Pran's various reactions to Pat's obsession with his scent.

Side note: Is it unusual for Thai men to raise the toilet seat when they pee? Because that's just a thing that happens here. I know because it's annoying when men don't lower the seat after using it(and ideally the lid so that when the toilet flushes it doesn't spray an invisible layer of toilet mist everywhere).

Aof is still excellent at using commercials to advance the relationships between characters. Having a drink advertisement be used to break the ice between Wai and Korn was kind of brilliant.

Ngl, I think Korn has a thing for Wai given his reaction to Wai dismissing the idea of being attracted to him.

While I don't love that this is progress, the fact that Pat's reaction to Wai's interest in Pa was essentially "Her love life isn't my business", makes me love both Pat and Aof even more.

I find it utterly hilarious that Chai could see Pat and Pran hiding from him in the music store.

I also find it super funny that Wai spent so much time looking at Pran while he was trying to hit on Pa.

I appreciate that Wai is capable of learning. The fact that he was able to make the connection between Pat's stink eye and Ink's is pretty great.

I can't deal with Pran shooing Pat out of his window super quickly and then they just stop to have a conversation with Pat still right next to the window. These boys.

I very much enjoyed that Pat paid so much attention to Pran that even when he was being punished he was able to remember the exact kind of facial expression that Pran made when he watched Pat being punished. I also liked Pat putting together the fact that Pran might have liked him for a long time.

It's very interesting to me that Pat was wearing a Hawaiian shirt when he confessed to his dad that he and Pran were dating, just like when he almost told Wai the truth about the relationship he and Pran had.

I have rage at both Pat's dad and Pran's mom for abusing their children because of their own drama. Though tbf it's never okay to be verbally or physically abusive with anyone in general.

I love how concerned Chai was about Pran having to deal with his mother and that he offered to stay to be supportive.

Did anyone else notice that Pran set his guitar outside of the house instead of bringing it in with him?

What did Pran mean when he said that he "wasn't like other kids"? It feels like there's more going on with that statement than just his relationship with Pat.

What I really don't understand is why Pran's mom kept the thing about Ming stealing her scholarship a secret. Like, I get why Ming would never mention it, but if she wanted Pran to hate the neighbors it seems like the kind of thing she'd tell him. I know that the show was trying to be subversive about the conflict by not making it a romantic thing, but frankly it would have made a lot more sense than the scholarship thing. And, as other people have pointed out in the few posts I did read about this episode, it's kind of rich for a woman who lives in a mansion to complain about someone ruining her life. Also, where does she get off telling Pat's parents to not tell him to hate the people next door when she did the exact damn thing?

Inkpa is canon! I'll probably make a whole separate post about them though after I watch ep 11. I hope they're in it.

For the most part this episode was really good. Giving it a 9/10 though, simply because of the secrecy of the conflict not making any sense.

[marumafan]

A Guide For Yuuram Fans

Hello fellow yuuram fan! Have you ever caught yourself thinking:

- Does Yuuri like Wolf? - No, but I mean like "Does he REALLY like Wolf?" - Am I getting invested just to find out it's clickbait? - Is Yuuri ever going to accept Wolf's feelings? - Does Yuuri like guys? - Will they get married or not?

You have questions? I have source material-backed answers!

The Basics

First, you need to understand that there's a variety of so-called canons. There's an anime canon, a manga canon, a drama cd canon, a musical canon, and then some other random things that you can't really call canon but exist: such as games, radio shows, tv stuff not written by the author, etc.

All of these canons and non-canon stuff are fine, and you can enjoy them as much as you want, but they're NOT the source material. Source material are only the novels and stories that have been written by Takabayashi-sensei (anything in written form and some dramas also written by her according to interviews).

Takabayashi-sensei is the author of the novels (the source material out of which everything else is derived), and her word is "god's word". By the way, she used this term to refer to herself in regards to the maruma series, I'm not fangirling, but using terminology she herself used.

Please understand that most of the material that isn't 'source material' has been altered in many ways to appeal to a 'larger audience' (manga and drama cds), or to make it palatable to the more homophobic society of the 2000s (in the case of the anime). When the anime began social media didn't exist. And when the anime ended (in 2009), social media was in its infancy. That's how long ago these media were adapted from source material.

The Fandom

The fandom has influenced the source material itself at times (such as Conrad fans throwing a hissy fit when he died in novel 5 to the point that Takabayashi-sensei had to resurrect him and change who the key was and many other plot points since then). Certain shippers still force sensei's hand to write fanservice here and there, and despite that, one thing has been clear from the beginning:

Takabayashi-sensei's 'main couple' is the one she got engaged back in novel 1: Yuuri and Wolf, the royal couple.

The Bias

Before we get into the thick of this, let's take a moment to understand bias. I'm sure that if you're reading this far into this you really like yuuram and don't have a problem with homosexuality, boys love, etc. (I use yuuram to mean the royal couple: Yuuri and Wolf, nothing to do with 'who's on top' or anything like that, just a name for the ship with these two characters).

Despite that, anyone reading this has been born and raised in a highly hetero-normative society where if a girl so much looks at a boy she must be into him, and vice-versa.

Who can forget the "He was a boy, She was a girl, Can I make it any more obvious" lyrics of the 2000s? Same applies to 'ships' all across the board.

If any, and I mean any 'boy-girl' relationship was 10% of what the yuuram relationship is, there wouldn't be a single doubt that those two are in love, dating, married, and living happily ever after.

But when it comes to Yuuri and Wolf it feels like pulling teeth to get people to accept that they’re in a relationship. I blame mostly the anime for including weird non-canon ideas into fans minds, as well as heteronormative societies.

Please don’t be this person:

Finally, please take a moment to read THIS as an introduction to my next section.

The Royal Couple

Begin by forgetting everything you consumed from other canons (TV, manga, fanfics) if you truly want to appreciate the Royal Couple in its source material form.

1) Romantic interest

The source material has made Yuuri very interested in Wolfram since the very beginning. Of course, at first, he was only interested in Wolfram's physical appearance. But the more he got to know Wolfram the more he cared about him and the less he cared about his physical appearance.

To get a full picture of how madly he falls for Wolf, you need to read the novels, but here are some excerpts to illustrate my point:

How it started:

Source: Novel 1-Chapter 1

"Even if our bodies are evenly matched, when I just glanced up, I've already been defeated. How can he be this beautiful! (どうよ、この美しさ！) At the same time, his head is emitting an aura. Although it's likely that it seemed that way because of his dazzling blond hair. His looks and voice are like an older Vienna chorus boy. His white skin seems transparent, and his irises are an emerald green that make me think of the bottom of a lake, and furthermore he doesn't have a split chin. He's an angel, definitely an angry angel. However, because he's in this place, he's probably a beautiful demon."

-> Yuuri writes a fucking sonnet in his head about Wolf's beauty when they meet.

Source: Novel 1-Chapter 10

 From the far side of the corridor, the blond with wavy hair comes running. The intense navy blue uniform suits him; the mazoku Prince Wolfram. I muttered in a sigh 'Although he's a man, he's this beautiful, G��nter'.

-> Yuuri complains to Gunter that Wolf is too beautiful.

How it's going:

Source: Novel 17, Chapter 7

"Those words hurt me deeply inside my heart, a pain as though I was burnt in an instant. Because I had an experience like that, in which I nearly lost the most important person to me, just because he was wearing someone else’s clothes."

-> Yuuri calling Wolfram his most important person, code in the maruma series for person you're in love with.

Source:  Do you want an exorcism? 2 (post novel 17)

"And because of that rich VARIETY in the configuration, mazoku is more an ethnicity than a race.

You have from kotsuhizoku, kotsuchizoku, and bone fish who are living creatures, even though they are just bones, to the seasonal migrating tribe of half-humanoid, half-fish maidmer princesses. As for the humanoid ones, there are regular looking ones like me or Conrad, but there are also some who are super beautiful like Günter or Wolfram............. as for the last one, this is just a little bit of my own personal bias, but it makes no difference if he's beautiful or not."

-> Yuuri saying that the beauty he went head over heals in novel 1 for, doesn't matter to him anymore because of his 'personal bias'

Source: Misepan 2: (post novel 17, arguably the last story written near the release of the novels)

"If I was in trouble, and I was missing something important. And you had one that was exactly the same ...."

"I'd lend it to you, of course"

I thought about this, literally with my hands on his chest. In fact, with my hand, that was pressed against his chest, I could feel that the speed of my partner's and my heartbeat was the same. Anyone would get blood rushing to their brains when they're seriously thinking about something. When I could calm down a little, I let out a small sigh.

"Or rather, when it comes to things that I can give you, I would give you anything, Wolf."

-> Yuuri tells Wolfram he would give him anything in the world.

2) Sexual interest:

-There are several times when the source material implies that Yuuri and Wolf don't just sleep at night.

Again, please remember that in the novels Greta does not sleep with Yuuri and Wolfram. This was a TV addition to appease homophobic minds. In fact, in the novels, Yuuri forbade Greta from sleeping with them because she's 'too old'. Also source material Greta is rarely in Shin Makoku as she's studying abroad half the time.

Source:  Novel 2- Chapter10

"If I leave it up to you, it will never get settled."

"So, what kind of settlement do you want...?" My voice trails off as he sways his hips closer.

The former mazoku prince's face brightens and he pulls me down by the arm.

"Wah!"

"So you finally feel like settling things!?"

"I don't ~"

I'm scared to think about what sort of settlement this is. I'm not going to lose my life or anything, but I do feel like there's something else I'm going to lose. I desperately extract myself, fly into the bathroom and lock the door.

"Yuuri!"

"Wait wait wait! I gotta take a bath first, okay!? You don't wanna do it with a sweaty guy, right!?"

Do it...? I blanch at my own words.

-> Yuuri's subconscious is clearly working against him.XD It looks like Yuuri doesn't want to lose the v-card yet (he barely knows Wolf at this point), but he still says  to Wolf he should take a bath before they do it. Gambare, Yu-chan

Source: Novel 4 - Chapter 1

-> Yuuri and Wolfram have been sleeping together for 3 months at the beginning of novel 4! Please! If this was a guy and girl you wouldn't be wondering what they're doing! He has a lock on the door! He can keep Wolf out , order him out, but he never does. Don’t be the gray haired lady!

Source: Never Ending Poison Lady 1

- "As a measure against Wolfram, who somehow even on our trips sleeps in the same bed as I do, I made a wall with three pillows which also had cute egg shaped buttons. I tucked my shirt into my pants, so that my stomach wouldn't get cold. After all, in the mornings when I woke up, both my clothes and my sleeping posture were always preposterous."

-> Yuuri says he puts some pillows to avoid getting into the weird sleeping postures and getting his clothes messed up and shirt untucked, but he never thinks of 'not sleeping with Wolf'~

Source: Never Ending Poison Lady 1 (same book as last)

- "While watching Wolfram's cheeks get red in excitement, a surprised Josak swallowed the question" You even sleep together when you're out on a trip?".

-> Even Jozak (the spy who's supposed to know everything) seems surprised that they're "sleeping together all the time". They're clearly hiding it from people.

Source: Maru maru maruMA-  (book with series info and interviews)

Takabayashi-sensei replied to a question about Yuuri and Wolfram and what would happen once they get married... and she said it clearly: They'll have sex.

("Please answer my maruma question", maru maru maruMA)

Source: SS: Murakenzu 2018-11-13 (Paper 1 accompanying cd72) "Yeah, my father was talking about it, and she's still being called 'Gokumi', huh? At any rate, even if he was smiling way too much, his footsteps started to sound louder and faster as he got farther away. In that moment we thought: Eh? Is it that bad? Maybe they saw something while we were sleeping, or rather, maybe they took peeping photographs and want to do something bad with them."

"Rather than while you were sleeping, before going to sleep?"

"You mean like, when I do practice baseball swings naked or something?"

"Yeah, naked practice."

"Or maybe like, a picture of Wolf's butt when he's wearing his sexy negligee or something?"

"Ah! If a picture of it peeking out is released it would be bad, huh?"

"Then, I suddenly realized that "secret" might just be a hook. In other words, those trick titles that often appear in sports newspapers."

"Yes, yes."

-> Yuuri talks about Wolfram's butt showing as a common place and about himself being completely naked doing 'baseball practice' in the room with Wolf, whatever that may mean.

3) Illustrations

The 4 wedding pictures. Yuuri and Wolfram have been illustrated as married four times by the series' illustrator:

1  | 2  | 3 |  4 

And I like to add this fifth one (used in There's Valentine's Day in Shin Makoku!? DVD special), since in the black and white version, there's a comment by Takabayashi-sensei that says: "With this we've finally won against the anime team! ", meaning they beat them to the wedding. 

4) Terminology

Yuuri and Wolf are referred to in tweets by Takabayashi-sensei, GEG-san and Temari-sensei as the Royal Couple (ロイカプ). The author, editor and illustrator all know already what they are and that's why they call them that.

More information:

Please, please read the source material. But if you won't, at least read some of the analyses I've made to find out more about yuuram. Yuuram is here, it’s canon, and their ship has sailed a long time ago, in novel 1. They were always meant to end up together and they have. (”The dream ending” was how the author wanted yuuram to end, happily married). This isn't clickbait, or fanwork. The author likes the Royal couple and will see that they end up together no matter what.

Additional information:

Yuuram in novel: 1 |2 |3 |4 |5 |6 |7 |8 |9 |10 |11 |12 |13 |14 |15 |16 |17  

* Novel Analysis:  Crossheart and Love Letter

* Novel Analysis:  Misepan2

* Novel Analysis: Do you want an exorcism?

* Bias in KKM: English version of KKM

* Novel Analysis: Yuuri confessing to Wolf (w/quotes)

* Novel Analysis: Physical and mental development in mazoku

* Novel Analysis:  Yuuri and Wolfram’s daily routine (with quotes) 

* Novel facts: No mpreg in Shin Makoku (I get asked a lot)

[arashikitten]

I Love Monkie kid, Here’s Why

So the past few days have been... hectic, to say the least. School’s kicking my ass, I have to get drive time in, and the crushing pressure of scouts is not helping. However, I have found solace in the new Lego animated show, The Monkie Kid.

The Monkie Kid is a show about Mk (or Qi Xiaotian if you watch the Chinese ver.) as he takes on the role of Sun Wukong’s (the Monkey King) successor, as well as all of the responsibilities that entails. Alongside him are his best friend Mei (Long Xiaojiao), his boss/kinda dad figure Pigsy (Zhu Dachu), the storyteller Tang (Tang Shifu), and Sandy (I don’t know the Chinese version of his name sorry). 

 He has to fight a rouge’s gallery of demons, the most prominent of whom are the Demon Bull family. Mk must also train with Sun Wukong, and get better with his fighting abilities and attention span. 

Now I’m gonna be completely honest, I was a little nervous about this show at first, especially when the trailer for the english dub came out. But holy hell, this show has blown me away with it’s first season.

Lets start off with the animation, which is done by the same studio that made Rise of The TMNT. And just like ROTTMNT, the animation for this show is spectacular. ESPECIALLY the fight scenes. You can see eastern influence in just about every frame, which considering the source material, makes sense! Although if I’m being honest, the animation shines the most during big fight scenes. The battle between Mk and Red Son at the weather station is one of my favorite scenes in the entire show, second only to that scene in episode 9. The moment where Red Son moves so fast that he temporarily phases out of view fuels my little weeb heart!

Then, there’s the voice acting. While the Mandarin voices are all pretty good (I adore Iron Fan’s voice!) I am a watcher of the dub for Monkie kid. And HOLY SHIT, THE ENGLISH VOICES ARE GODDAMN AMAZING!!! Lets start with Mk, who is voiced by Jack De Sena in the English dub, who most famously starred as Sokka in ATLA and Callum from The Dragon Prince. We also have Kyle McCarley as the voice of Red Son, who starred in the third season of Infinty Train, and Shigeo Kageyama in the English dub of Mob Psycho 100. Then, most famously, Sean Schemmel playing the Monkey King himself, Sun Wukong. (Sidenote: As a massive DBZ fan, when I tell I screamed when I heard Wukong’s English voice for the first time...)Sean Schemmel, for those of you who don’t know, played Son Goku in the English dub of Dragon Ball Z, and there are so, so many reasons why getting him to play the Monkey King here was fucking inspired, but this post is long enough as it is.

Finally, there are the characters themselves. I’m a sucker for the “mentor and apprentice to parent and child trope” (glances at the owl house and BNHA), and the Monkie kid delivers that in spades. Mk has like three different dads y’all. 

First lets start with the obvious: Mk and Wukong. We don’t get to see much of it in the first episode, but hoo boy does the rest of season one make up for it! Wukong starts off very nonchalant with Mk, and we can very much see that he’s a hands off sort of mentor. He also does the typical shonen mentor trope of making his apprentice do something that doesn’t have educational value at first glance, but becomes very important later on. And there are some times where this clashes with Mk’s impatience and need for action. (Sidenote: I totally headcanon Mk as having Adhd and possibly Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. There’s even a scene in one episode where Wukong points out that Mk is “Loud, not confident”, and there have been some hints here and there that Mk does have some issues with his self confidence. On top of that, there are so many scenes where gets very easily distracted in day to day life, yet when he’s in a big battle, his focus is entirely on the enemy, which sounds kinda like hyper focus. Idk, maybe it’s just me projecting.) However, it’s clear that Wukong does care about Mk, enough to step in when the kid really needs it. Hell, he even seems to be a little jealous when he finds out that Mk started training with someone else in ep. 9 (He’s MY kid dammit). We also see that both Mk and Wukong aren’t afraid to call each other out, and the fact that both of them call each other out is just great. It shows that they do both respect each other, but they both know when the other is doing something stupid. All in all, 10/10 relationship, kinda reminds me of Dadmight and Midoriya. 

Then we have Mk and Pigsy, and I’m not gonna lie, the moment I saw Pigsy, my mind went to Grunkle Stan: Gruff and sarcastic, stingy when it comes to money, would probably do something illegal, acts like he doesn’t care but secretly really does. We see this in his first scene in episode one: Pigsy is very gruff, and to people who don’t know him, he seems like a bit of an arse. He’s a strict taskmaster, and won’t hesitate to tell you if you effed up. But we also see that he cares very deeply about Mk, and would do anything to keep the kid safe, even if he himself isn’t much of a fighter. And here is where I think the comparison to Grunkle Stan really shines through: in how they show that they care about the people they love. They act gruff on the outside, but they would do anything for their kid(s). We also know that Mk feels the same way: even though Pigsy can be really tough on him sometimes, he continues to work at Pigsy’s noodles and seems to actually enjoy working there. I don’t doubt that Pigsy is some sort of paternal figure for Mk, and Pigsy would absolutely punch someone in the face to protect Mk. 

Finally, there’s Tang. We see in the first episode that Tang is likely the one who got Mk into the legend of the Monkey King in the first place, or at the very least encouraged that fascination. Tang seems to be way more laid back, kinda vague when it comes to explanations, like a stereotypical mysterious mentor. Out of the three, MK seems most relaxed when with Tang, and it’s pretty easy to see why. Tang indulges MK with his stories, and when MK first gets the staff, he goes to Tang. Not Pigsy or Mei: Tang. So clearly, MK has a lot of trust in Tang, and knew that Tang would be the most likely to listen to him. And Tang did listen to him: he let MK talk about what happened, and when MK showed that the staff was really Wukong’s, Tang seems almost as excited as MK was, if not even more so. In other words, Tang is a fanboy just like MK, so of course he’d let MK gush about Son Wukong. And MK would listen to Tang gush as well, and now I’m just imagining these two having movie nights where they watch stuff about the Monkey King, and it’s adorable.

There’s also Sandy, who at this point is kinda like Mk’s weird uncle who low key used to be a gangster before he went to therapy and now gets aggression out in his construction job. I headcanon that he knows a lot of really good techniques to bring someone down from a panic attack, and once MK finds out about it, he starts going to Sandy when he’s having a bad day.

This post is way too long, so imma go ahead and end it here.

TL;DR: Watch Monkie kid if you love found family, funny villains, badass fight scenes, and anything related to Journey to the West.

[lvlyhao]

「PART TWO: FEAR」

HUMANITY SERIES; Q.K

A/N: took me long enough to post, I know, but thank you to that last anon for reminding me of the series lol with school i tend to forget what i have and haven’t posted but i’ll do better from now on. i hope you like this :)

important: this chapter includes mentions of vomiting and though i’ve already put a warning for violence and gore in the masterlist, i’m saying it again: please don’t read this if you are not okay with that!!!!

word count: 2.1K

pairing: qian kun x reader

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

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“I’m heading out”, your hands fondly squeeze Taeyong’s shoulders from behind him. He does not look up from his task for a few seconds, counting rolls of gauze. Then, upon processing your words, he twirls to face you. His eyes trail up and down your figure, making a mental checklist of everything you need to be safe. Apparently, one thing is missing.

“Take Jaehyun with you”, he asks, “or maybe Yuta. Johnny is always good to have around, and so is Renjun. Those swords of his are no joke”, he rambles, losing focus. The way he places his hands on his hips and sighs tells you he’s absolutely drained. “Or maybe I should go with you—”

Shaking your head fervently, you pat his cheek for his attention, observing the streaks of noon sunlight across his face. He stares at you with concern and shifts his weight.

“You’re staying right here and so are the boys, Tyong. We haven’t found a survivor in weeks, and taking one of them is always more stressful than anything”, you reason. Recollections of how the boys attract trouble wherever they go cloud your mind, far too many to count. The air suddenly feels too chilly, with shivers running down your spine. 

“Just stay here and maybe find a way to rest. You know Doyoung won’t mind keeping track of the supply for you.”

At this point, he knows it’s no use arguing. 

“Just be careful… and get back before dawn”, he adjusts the collar of your jacket, thinking back to the weather outside of the grey walls of the dorms. “All I’m saying is you never know what you’re gonna find.” Giving you a tight-lipped smile and a nod, he resumes his job, and you leave him. Headed to the heavily locked iron doors guarded by the towering figures of Shotaro and Sungchan, you ask yourself if there was any hidden depth to Taeyong's words.

“You never know what you’re gonna find, huh", you mutter.

Now, roaming the deserted streets on your own and basking in the orange glow of the afternoon, you just think he was wrong. 

It’s already been a couple of hours since you left: you’ve explored parts of the district you barely even knew before the virus, seeing all kinds of animals scurrying around your path. You’ve also eaten the rice balls Jaemin packed for you, and you’ve gawked at the decaying building that used to be your favourite theatre. It’s all the same as you imagined it would be. Not many walkers litter this part of town—just 7 or 8 you managed to avoid—and no people. No one worth rescuing.

Wandering like this, in silence, brings back memories you're not sure you like. Weekly game nights with your friends, attending Jisung’s dance presentations, playing in the park’s playground at night... All of those feel foreign to you, parts of life too good to have ever been yours. Still, the need for a shot of wistfulness takes over, and you sigh. Better now than when it gets late, then. With a shake of your head, you pick a destination and start moving.

You’re conscious of your surroundings as you keep one hand on the bow and make your way across the square. Dry, fiery leaves crunch under your boots, being the only sound you pick up. Nothing looks out of the ordinary, either. The same old abandoned stores seem to look down at you, their busted windows moaning in the wind. But, right then, something jabs at your gut. It's a silent alert to a threat you can't see. 

Damnit. You better pick up the pace.

As soon as you make a turn to the left, spying the pizza place you used to visit, you freeze. Walkers, maybe 10 of them, whimper and try to get past the debris to reach something inside a pharmacy.

How could you not notice them earlier? They’re not a quiet horde, and the awful stench is not something you should have missed either. Have you been that lost in your nostalgia?

Whatever happened, you don't have much time. If the undead are making that much effort to get around the rubble, there has to be someone inside. A fellow human being—hopefully, a nice one. Someone you can help.

Acting out of instincts, you drink in your surroundings. Having your back hastily pressed against a tree trunk is not ideal, but it's what comes to you. While you can't call yourself a strategy master, jumping right into action is not the right plan when someone else's life is in danger. 

Mind racing, you know you need a better shooting spot now if you want to make a move. Drawing them out to an alley is not a totally bad idea either. They wouldn't be able to escape, and maybe then they could flee.

As soon as you found a perfect corner for that, the screech of old door hinges catches your attention. A second later, shattering glass.

Shit. They broke in.

With no more time to assess the situation, you quickly climb up a rotting picnic table. The zombies, some missing a limb, slowly drag their feet towards a man in a plaid, blue shirt. 

He's petrified, head lashing from side to side, looking for a way out. You know very well there is none, and soon enough it will be too late. He’ll be just at reach for those disgusting, putrid fingers. If they get a bite in, it's over for you, and it's over for him.

That’s when you take the stupidest decision of your life.

Screaming.

“YO, YOU POINTLESS MEAT SACK! WHY DON’T YOU LOOK OVER HERE?”

The boy might just get whiplash from how fast his eyes find yours. His are dark and desperate, but there is something else to them—to him. Something you will never find it in you to explain. 

It could have been the way the stares right at your soul, or how his face displays every emotion from relief to terror. You could even say it was how his knees buckled under his weight or his fluttering hair in the wind. You can blame your reaction on a lot of things, but none of them startles you as much as yourself. 

A cold hand grasps at your heart, squeezing it tightly in your chest. Blood drains from your face, and your frame shakes in the wind. You know this sensation all too well to have doubts, although it is what you swore never to feel again. Fear. Not for yourself, no, even when the undead start walking towards you instead. You don't—can't— care enough about your life, and you know it. It is all for him, the beautiful stranger you are going to save.

The first two arrows find their aim, speeding right through the undead’s skulls, but something shifts in your arms. The rest of your arrows now seem to swerve a bit to the sides, lodging themselves on necks or shoulders. In other words, not where they are supposed to. 

Oh, how much you hate that the walkers will only die if you damage their brains.

“Annoying bastards, I swear—”

Falling into a state of near panic, you drop to the floor unceremoniously and race to the horde. If your bow won't do the trick, your other weapons will.

Momentarily thankful for their lack of agility, you pull out the knives hidden on the sides of your shoes. In a flurry of drive, you slash and stab everything around you. While throwing some hand-to-hand-combat here and there, your eyes start to burn. The walkers smell even worse from up close, you bitterly recall from past encounters. It's one of the things that make fighting harder—the urge to run away from them at every second.

The more daring among them clutch at your clothes, keeping your movement limited, but you manage to cut off their hands. The slick sound it makes is enough to make bile rise up your throat, but you swallow it back.

“C’mon, Y/N”, you pant, kicking what had once been an adult woman in the chest to send her down to the asphalt. “You’ve had tougher battles than this." With a breath as deep as you can manage, your knife cuts at another zombie.

It is true, you know. It's impossible to count the times you’ve been up against groups of 20 or more. You were always fine. Right now, though, wincing from multiple wounds scattered around your skin, you question how the hell did you do it.

Hurriedly glancing to your right, you notice 5 are already dead—well, dead-er than they had previously been. The lady you kicked struggles to get up, giving you a gap to spin and bury your knife into her scalp. She goes limp right away, and you stare. 4 more to go.

Just as you retrieve your blade and turn to face the other walkers, something bites your dominant hand. Hard.

With your knife tumbling down in a metallic clunk, fire shoots up your arm. The first thing you do is wiggle your hand back and forth. Some part of you thinks it was going to let go like it’s some sort of dog. You realize you were wrong when darkened saliva flows into the cuts, your mind going blank with agony.

You figure it was one of the undead you had pushed down before, only to lose sight of him later. And, yes, wiggling was a poor attempt at getting him to drop you, but you did it out of pure alarm. Fear is gradually taking over you now, freezing cold and impossible to fight.

With only your non-dominant hand free, you sloppily sink your blade down however many times it takes for the corpse to stop moving. The pain you feel is sharp, travelling through your veins like blue fire. As his grip slackens, the body slumps to the ground, a wet thud echoing. Despite the agony that threatens to blind you, you're aware of the other 3 walkers you have yet to take down.

One is easy enough, with an arrow embedded deep on one side of her neck, and another coming down on her brow bone. Repugnance swirls in your gut, and you have to look away. Their skulls are incredibly soft.

Your remaining enemies pace at either side of you, circling you with dead eyes and faltering strides. You keep your wounded hand close to you while the other clutches the leather grip of your weapon. It's time to put an end to this.

Choosing to go for the right first, you slash at his chest, grimacing at the black blood that oozes. It taints his shredded red hoodie and sprinkles at your front. The shudders that course through you in silent rage give you the strength to finish it off.

In one clean, powerful strike, your knife goes through an eyeball, but he collapses a bit too fast. You can't recover your blade.

Having no weapons on your hands, even for a second, is critical. The walkers are borderline sluggish, but it was easy to lose track of them: your severed hand was proof.

To your relief—or mild disgust—, hasty strides bounce at the pavement behind you, followed by heavy thuds on a slimy surface. It takes no more than 3 seconds for the last body to tumble by your feet, face down. 

It's only then you see the skull, or better, what is left of it. Blood and brain flow over a gaping crack, done by something sharp. You could guess it was the heavy, black rock that you find before you, held in the hands of the man you are supposed to be saving.

From there, you realize his medium length hair is a faded blue, with dark brown at the roots. A grey university hoodie hugs his slim figure under the plaids, matching his cargo pants and busted sneakers. His face is all sharp angles and soft edges, but his gaze is nothing short of magnetic.

Wide, chocolate eyes glare at the body with such horror your own throat tightens. Then, with no words shared, he lets go of the rock and stumbles back like he cannot believe what he did. Your own eyes divert to the cloudless sky, hearing him vomiting on the concrete in a matter of seconds. Poor dude.

Pity, combined with the reminiscents of adrenaline and dread, settle in you. Your thoughts boil down to one small detail: the Sun is setting.

The throbbing on your hand momentarily vanishes, lost in the memory of Taeyong very clearly telling you to be back before dawn. Aside from that, the memory of what you did to get the walkers' attention still burns at your mind. That goddamned shout. Having a sense of hearing as acute as they did, you are sure any other zombies around you are coming your way.

You have fucked up big time.

-------

final notes: ik chapter one wasn’t all that exciting but i’m hoping this one is better wheeze two more to come, stay tuned <3

[tenchiforum]

For the first time ever, the Toonami versions of OVA1/2, Universe, and Tokyo are available online! On their respective archive.org pages you can access each episode easily.

Watch now: OVA1/2, Tenchi Universe, Tenchi in Tokyo.

For users who keep up with contemporary anime communities, we also have an upload for the entire run available on Nyaa.

It’s been quite a journey in getting these episodes from analog to digital. If you’re interested in reading about the process of how these almost lost-to-time edits came into our hands and how we’ve gone about preserving them before the tapes rot, then sit back and enjoy the story below!

Part 1: Toonami – A Love Story.

Tenchi Muyo! and Toonami are tied together like the red thread of fate often times referenced in many East Asian myths. For those who aren’t aware, Toonami was a programming block on the Cartoon Network channel. Starting in 1997, it did one thing for anime that no other channel in the English-speaking world had ever done: showcased anime during “PrimeTime” (In North America at least, this was 4pm to 7pm Eastern Standard time). Before the internet, having this block of time meant having the most eyes on your product, meaning exposure was huge. Oftentimes whoever got on this block, regardless of the channel, was “made.”

However, it wouldn’t be until mid 1999, with a soft-rebranding, a new host, and an almost entirely anime-focused block, that Toonami would take over the world.

And on July 3rd, 2000, an entire generation was introduced to Tenchi Muyo! for the first time.

- The now legendary two minute Toonami promo.

Thanks to the efforts of Jason DeMarco, Sean Akins, Gill Austin, Sean Polinski, and the rest of the Toonami crew, the “Toonami generation,” still to this day, is the largest block of Tenchi Muyo! fans. Whether it was Toonami US, UK, or Australia. Tenchiforum is a testament to this fact. I personally would not be here were it not for Toonami, so to say that fans of Tenchi Muyo! hold Toonami in a high regard is an understatement.

I had always wanted to somehow, some way, get the Toonami version of Tenchi up for everyone to see again, but my old Toonami VHS recordings were long gone, and I figured trying to piece together the Toonami version from other people’s tapes would just be too hard with how many episodes were broadcast, that was until… 2012

In mid-to-late 2012, I found out that Pioneer actually released a home video version of what was shown on Toonami. It was simply released as “Tenchi Muyo!” in those big, white, clam shell VHS cases (that most people probably remember for old Disney movies). I felt as though I had struck gold! I was able to get a hold of the first two OVA, and was able to rip them to my computer.

- Vol. 1 & Vol. 5 of “Tenchi Muyo!” – No distinction was made that they were separate series.

Though I was high on my endorphin-induced nostalgia, I ran into a couple of unforeseen problems.

First and foremost, the equipment I was using was not great. I used an old StarTech composite to USB dongle and the software that came with it. While this isn’t necessarily bad at first glance (it doesn’t support Windows 10), I had no experience whatsoever in the field of digital transfer. While I think my rips were okay for the time, I knew even then that they were too low of bit-rate and the quality of the rips suffered for it.

Because I also had no VCR at the time that had S-Video output, I was only able to output from composite, which meant the whopping 240p equivalent VHS tapes look fuzzier than they probably should. (I realize that VHS is technically an analog format, meaning that a 1:1 equivalent digital representation is hard to pin down or that someone might argue that it did technically output 480i over composite, but basically it was 240p.)

Another problem was the software itself, I had no idea about Virtualdub, AmaRecTV, or other helpful capture software, so I only recorded at a lower bit-rate, again producing an inferior quality rip.

I also ran into the problem of showcasing the videos. Funimation (who now owns the vast majority of the Tenchi Muyo! franchise in North America) had finally started really cracking down on people uploading videos to Youtube. Even though my videos were not completely the same, the algorithm immediately flagged and blocked them. This led me to uploading the videos to Facebook. I had to cut them in half because of Facebook’s restriction to roughly only 12 minutes of video. Somehow in the process, some of the videos had audio drop out for a minute or two, and for some the audio dropped out completely.

Arguably the biggest blow though, was when I learned that this set of Toonami tapes was incomplete. Pioneer stopped producing the Toonami version for home video after they finished releasing Universe. Meaning, the only way to get the Toonami version of Tenchi in Tokyo, was hope that someone, somewhere,  had taped it 11 years earlier.

While Tenchi in Tokyo has been getting more appreciation from fans as of late – thanks in part to most newer entries in the Tenchi OVA sucking harder than a vacuum – in the year 2000, it was the black sheep of the Tenchi Muyo! franchise. So expecting fans to have recorded any of it, let alone the entire series, was the long shot of all long shots. But even still, I made a post on the forum in 2013 asking if anyone knew anyone that might have anything.

Naturally, no one had any leads, and all of these previous problems meant that this project would, frustratingly, have to be shelved indefinitely.

Or at least, that’s what I thought.

Part 2: Deferred Dreams Don’t Die.

On April 5th, 2019, a person by the name of Talos dropped into our Discord server, and posted an introduction. Like so many, they had gotten into Tenchi through Toonami, but what would change everything, was this.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading, someone actually had it!

Instinctively, I reached out to Talos via PM to ascertain how to go about acquiring these tapes, and admittedly, to see how legit this claim actually was. Because the fact of the matter is, when you’ve been around Tenchi fandom as long as I have, you’ll quickly realize the best bullshitters in the world come from this fandom.

But Talos was more than the genuine article! They sent over pictures and an incredibly detailed analysis of the quality of their tapes, watching through them all again to prove to me that their claim was valid.

It can’t be said enough that this all would not be possible without Talos, their willingness to work with me and send me their own personal tapes that they’ve kept for almost two decades just goes to show how awesome they are and how much they care about the fandom.

So the deal was struck, and the dream that laid deferred for almost six years lived again.

- A time capsule from another era.

But with dreams from the past, come the demons that plagued them way back when. I still only had the setup I once had, and at this time I was really trying to be tight with my finances for a number of different reasons, but this opportunity was too good to pass up, I wasn’t going to let this dream go, even if it wasn’t perfect.

Talos’ tapes showed up, and I rolled up my sleeves.

So I put in the first tape, the first seven episodes of Tokyo, into the old VCR I used to originally rip the Pioneer tapes, a JVC HR-VP650U….

And static…

Or rather, a tape that would play for 3 seconds, then immediately drop to static.

This wouldn’t work.

I then tried my other VCR, a Sony SLV-N50 from the mid-to-late 90’s that I was able to “fix” by removing the old Android Kikaider tape that got stuck in there many years prior.

It worked!…..but…..not all that well.

While it did actually play the tape relatively smoothly, the colors were completely washed out in comparison to the JVC, and it had this weird color flickering that was particularly noticeable when black backgrounds were on screen. (This was not unique to this tape, it did it with everything I put in there.)

As much as it pained me, there was no way I was going to rip it with this setup.

So the hunt began for not just a replacement VCR, but one that was high quality and recommended among enthusiasts for digital transfer. Which meant research and long winding rabbit holes of non-answers and vagueness, and unfortunately, money.

Without a doubt, the de facto list of best VCRs for transferring comes from digitalFAQ.com. This list is not only informative but gives you a broad range of ones to look for in the event you can’t find an “elite” one. However, this list has also become the de facto list used by people who are hawking their sets on eBay to try and get every penny from enthusiasts and new-comers as possible.

After three frustrating weeks of losing bid wars on eBay, someone finally put up one of the good sets, the JVC SR-V10U. I quickly sent them what I thought was a reasonable but not bank-breaking offer….

And they accepted! The beast was finally mine.

Immediately upon unwrapping and testing it, the quality difference between what I had then and what I was looking at now was staggering. The SR-V10U had beautiful color, while having the incredible ability to stabilize the old tapes with its TBC (Time Base Corrector), as well as onboard Video Stabilization option. Combined with the ability to output video via the superior S-Video cable, I now had something that, despite its age and typical old VHS wear, was way better than I could have imagined.

Part 3: No Need for Nostalgia.

You’re probably thinking to yourself “Dagon, why go through the trouble? The OVA has a beautiful Blu-ray release, and Universe and Tokyo have pretty decent DVD releases. Why would you ever want to rip old VHS tapes of an inferior quality release that was in some cases censored?”

- The now famous Toonami “bikinis”.

Because this version of Tenchi Muyo! is a piece of history. Not only is it a piece of Tenchi history, but a piece of Toonami history as well. Being able to preserve this in the best quality possible is being able to point to future generations and say “This is why I’m here.”

For a lot of us it’s about taking us back to a simpler time, grade school, high school, university. Taking us back to a time before the internet was what it is today.

So now we can, after almost 20 years, re-watch the version of Tenchi Muyo! that brought so many of us joy and wonder.

[jodywegner]

A bad day. (I just need to rant into the abyss of the internet)

I’ve never actually left work early for a bad day before. But I felt that today if I didn’t, I’d end up embarrassing myself and ruining all of my relationships with my coworkers or better yet end up in the HR office. It was just an accumulation of a few too many small things that have been building up for months while I’m emotionally vulnerable.

I also know that none of my coworkers will ever see this post. But even if they do, I doubt they were aware of my feelings. The worst part is that nothing is really anyone’s fault. There’s no bad guy, and that makes it all the more frustrating, and that finally came to a head today. Because I can’t chew people out for doing nothing wrong. Sorry for the long post. Lotta resentments getting bottled up.

So context. 1. My grandfather has been in declining health for a while now. This isn’t very upsetting for me. He’s in his mid 90s and lived a full life. We were all provided for and everything is taken care of. For me, it feels more like a natural thing that is now finally happening. My aunt and my father have been fighting for years over different things, but my grandfather’s declining health has definitely rekindled the flames of war. 2. I work in TV animation production, and my goal is to become a storyboard artist. I’ve made that goal clear. I’ve asked for tests but I can never get any. I’ve asked for feedback and no one has given me any. The shining star of this was my boss giving me 5 long minutes of not quite saying “it’s not good enough.” I figured he was busy and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He did say that if he hadn’t hired our then current revisionist, he’d love to have me start as one. Since then, he’s hired 4 more revisionists who have come and gone for different reasons. 3. I don’t think I draw that fucking bad. I’ve been told my artists I work with “why don’t you have an art job yet?” which the answer is “because no one will fucking give me one when I ask and you guys aren’t in a position to.” (they mean it as a compliment but it just really keeps bringing me down whenever I fail) And there are a lot of people my age getting art jobs while I’m not and yah I’m not that old but it’s very stressful and discouraging regardless of logic and optimism. 4. My intern this last semester showed my boss a sample board and got extensive notes and feedback and was offered freelance revision work even though she’s still a junior in college. She’s 3 years younger than me and was here for 2 months. My boss literally walked into my office then started talking to her in the adjacent cube over the wall about how good she is and the upcoming freelance revisionist work. And I have to sit there quietly and pretend it’s not killing me. 5. I’m lactose intolerant. 6. I guess I’ve been suffering from job related depression for the above reasons. Nothing major, I’m not suicidal, but I’m definitely very unhappy and going to work is definitely not a fun or even neutral experience anymore. It’s hard because the correct answer to my problem is “git gud’ and we all know how NOT FUCKING HELPFUL that is. Today 1. I get a text from my parents at 6 am telling me that my grandfather has passed away. We went over yesterday to say our goodbyes expecting him to pass either today or tomorrow. We left at around 8pm and asked my aunt to call us when he passed and that we’d come over. So my parents find out that he passed away at 6 am today. From a third party that isn’t even FUCKING RELATED TO US. Apparently my grandfather had passed away 10 minutes after we left yesterday, and she decided not to let us know. We had to find out through some other person offering my father his condolences. 2. Well the two coworkers I am closest with were late for miscellaneous reasons so I kinda had to keep #1 bottled up for 2 hours. 3. When things happen, I bluster and storm for the first hour before calming down and becoming rational. So I’m sitting at my desk all morning trying my best to keep my shit together because I’m absolutely fuming and was (forbid) by my mother to retaliate. She’s not wrong but there’s a lotta stress and emotions here. (3.5. Although I was directly forbid retaliation, I still went ahead and planned it anyways because it was a mildly constructive use of my stress. DM me if you want to know how to ruin someone’s entire week and never get caught.) 4. I took some Lactaid 30 minutes before I decided to finish my leftover mac n cheese from the fancy food truck yesterday as breakfast. Yah the Lactaid didn’t work at all for some ungodly reason... It’s 9am and I’m in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally now.... 5. So one of my favored coworkers finally beats traffic and gets in so I go to talk to her about all of this. I immediately get cry-y. Which blah blah blah crying is part of grieving but I can do that later. It’s not great when I’m at work because crying opens up the floodgate of emotions and the near impossible task of re-wrangling them under control is now daunting. Emotional fortitude -50. And people just kinda didn’t notice that I was crying and upset and not very quietly recounting this horrible morning story. They kinda walked right by. Not a single person other than that one coworker (and my other favored one who came in a bit later) offered me any condolences or asked about how I was doing of if I was ok. It’d be one thing if that happened and no one was around and I regained my composure. BUT I DIDN’T. 6. That fucking intern (who’s a nice person but god I wish they’d stop existing in my life. It’s fucking petty but today is really the worst day for it so fuck it I’m saying it.) is coming in for a big storyboard meeting between all the board artists, revisionists, and supervisors. So I had to see her and pretend to smile and be pleasant and supportive while I’m emotionally compromised, grieving, pissed, and now petty and jealous all over again. So I get that out of the way and I sit back down and get to work. 7. The other coworker I like to talk to comes in. She was a former intern who also wants to be a board artist so we try to help each other in our endeavors together. She’s an optimist. She says that she’s going to ask if she can sit in on the meeting and asks if I’d like to come along. Bless her outgoing-ness that I struggle with. But as much as I’d like to... that’s a room full of people who either forgot that I want to be a board artist, don’t care, or are straight up ignoring me about it and keep doing and saying all of these unintentionally hurtful things to and near me. Also that fucking intern is there. Also I’m pissed. Also I’m emotionally distraught. So I declined her offer. Even if I could get something good out of that meeting, I’m pretty sure I would have just had a breakdown in the corner. So I didn’t want to embarrass myself like that or make people feel uncomfortable for doing their normal business. 8. So by this point I’m sure I’m going to be snippy or mean or start crying in front of people, so my goal was to finish my most important task and leave at noon. I finish, I grab my bag to leave. As I do, they all get out of their storyboard meeting and bluster past me because they are now late for seeing the storyboard trainee program final presentations. GREAT. 9. Another production coworker of mine comments on how its important for them to go in case they see anyone they’d like to hire as a revisionist. I fianlly hit FUCKIT and say “IM GOING HOME.” And so I go to walk to the elevators. 10. I chose the wrong time to walk to the elevators because everyone in that meeting is waiting at the elevators to go look at the storyboard trainee presentations and scope out the new talent. They’re in too much of a busy mind to notice that I’m about to cry and am probably glaring with white knuckles as I clutch my bag. Luckily for me the elevator is full and I have an excuse to take the next one and not theirs. A part of me wished that they would say “come on in! i’m sure you can fit!” But... stuff like that never happens with them. No one goes out of their way to include me in things. So... whatever. Maybe I’m just being negative trying to find the bad in every little thing, but this is a rant so I’m going to do just that because fuck the consequences of people liking me and thinking I know how to adult properly. 11. I’m driving home and get a message from my coworker (glanced at a long red dont arrest me pls wait till tomorrow) saying that the intern asked if I had sent her intern evaluation to her school yet. I did. A few weeks ago. This isn’t really a bad thing it’s just that I was finally fucking free and just about to not have any reason to keep it together but then BAM. Intern shows up in my life again. Right after I though it was all over. A little god damn poke. Now So I managed to drive home without crashing into buildings or furiously honking and I am now just holding my cat and typing this. I’m pretty sure none of my coworkers will ever see this. A part of me wishes they would and that maybe they’d care, because I really don’t want to have to start a conversation specifically about all of this with them.    Who the hell starts a conversation with: “By the way boss, can you please stop discussing giving the intern freelance work when I’m within earshot let alone in my god damn 6′x8′ cube?” “Hey boss, remember when I asked you for feedback and got none? Why does the intern get your full attention when you are even busier?” “Hey boss, why have you hired 4 more revisionists when you said that’d you’d love to have me as one? Did you forget? Were you just lying to me because you didn’t know how to give me feedback? Did you even care about what you say to me?” “Hey intern, I understand you are excited and this is a great opportunity for you, but can you please read the room at least a little because I want to cry every single time?” “Hey everyone, I want to be a board artist remember? REMEMBER?” ”Hey everyone... I’m an artist too.” “Hey everyone, can anyone just give me a little help?” ”Hey everyone, if I keep my purse stocked with your allergy medications, pain killers, band aids, digestive relief, girly goods and keep good snacks around and remember your schedules and try to make your jobs easier and serve as your primary IT person...will you remember that I’m here?” “Hey everyone, do you all dislike me or do you all just not care enough to notice me?” They’re all good people, but it’s not stuff that I really know how to say just out of the blue. So today... I just couldn’t stand being even in my own cube anymore. I’m not an outgoing entrepreneurial person who bugs people everyday trying to sell themselves as an artist. I’m someone who tells you my intentions, and asks for help, and then believes people when they tell me sorry they’re busy, that they wish they could help, that they’d love to have me if only not for “x”. No one is entitled to give me a job or help me. But... I don’t get why I’m the only one who gets nothing for a response when I do ask. If they were busy, that’d be fine. But since then things have gotten busier, and my boss personally worked through multiple iterations of my intern’s practice board with her. A good piece of advice I got was that your first 5 tests are awful...but I can’t even get anyone to give me my first one. I’m told to work hard and “git gud”. But it feels like I’m just bashing my head against a brick wall, and no one even acknowledges the effort. It feels like if I decide to stop doing that because I’m about to have a breakdown, I’ll be looked down on as a quitter and not passionate enough. I have passion, but all of this is 100% killing it, and I don’t want to hate art. I really don’t. But I’m starting to. It’s hard for me to enjoy it when now it’s only done to seek attention and approval that I’ll never get from these people. Today would have been difficult still, but not unbearable if not for that. My grandfather’s death isn’t a tragedy for me. He was in pain for a long time and he definitely made the most of his life. The tragedy is that despite all of this, my aunt decided that my family didn’t deserve to know that our grandfather, my father’s father (who lives literally 5 minutes away by car), had passed. I’m definitely not looking forward to the memorial service for my grandfather. Not because the death is hard to deal with but because all of the family there is. Would love to make life terrible for my aunt. Would love to be just as petty. I have so many colorful things to say and do. But ultimately none of that matters. It’s just death. Nothing changes it or adds a new flavor to it. So all of that anger and hurt just kinda snowballed today. And to top it all off as I’m typing this some asshole is beating a dog somewhere in the neighborhood and the dog is screaming and yelping. (called the police so hopefully they find them) Thanks for reading this long negative rant. I hope it helps anyone who is feeling similarly frustrated, because I dont have someone around who’s breaking down quite like I am so this is all I have. Shooting it into the internet in a passive aggressive attempt and chance that maybe someone who needs to read it will. Positive news: I watered my plants with the extra time. I hugged my cat. I will be returning with art for Mermay.

[smoothshift]

The story of (and ode to) my $900 BMW E46. Long read ahead. via /r/cars

The story of (and ode to) my $900 BMW E46. Long read ahead.

https://i.imgur.com/hINwDHO.jpg

Decided to make this post after I saw the woes of the guy with the $900 Ranger. If you don't like the writings of Dostoevsky, Tolkien, and Edgar Allen Poe, move along...there may or may not be a tldr at the bottom.

I live in the absolute middle of nowhere in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. You can imagine the lack of car culture; there are as many car enthusiasts up here as there are Packers fans in Detroit. Well, I decided eventually I wanted a BMW, probably because I test drove an e46 328ci before I moved up north. I was 19, the year was 2015.

A 2001 330I on Craigslist caught my eye one day. He was asking $1200. It was a manual, had 167k miles, had the Sport Package (pre-ZHP), had a busted front bumper and crumpled hood, a missing sideskirt and a cracked rear bumper. Only one picture in the ad, salvage title. Hmm, I thought, doesn't look like the bumper was pushed back at all, so maybe it's not as bad as it looks. I called the guy and discussed the car. It ran and drove, just didn't look very good. We emailed back and forth a bit, and I decided to meet him.

Just so happened the car was six hours away, south of Grand Rapids. So next Saturday I jumped in my 2001 Sebring Coupe (what a glorious, reliable hunk of junk) and picked up my buddy Will to spot me back.

We arrived at the place, and there was the car. I think my heart did a little pitter patter. It was sitting in front of the guy's shop (he built and repaired stock cars for a living). Hood was up, and the car was running, but the idle was bouncing like crazy...sounded like a dying animal. I didn't know what was wrong, the guy didn't know what was wrong. I called a BMW dealer, got on the line with one of the techs, and basically was told that I needed to bring them the car before he could offer any advice. Great. Eventually we discovered a large vacuum leak on the lower intake boot. Duct tape fixed that problem. It's also worth noting that the headlights were in the trunk, as the guy had taken the car to the body shop after the wreck to assess it and they hadn't bothered to reinstall them. More on this later.

So then I test drove the car.

I didn't really know how to drive stick. But I winged it. Or wang it. Or whatever. Somehow I only stalled like 3 times before I got it back to the shop. I handed the guy $900 in cash (we hadn't discussed price, here again I "wang" it). He really had wanted $1200 but...we had a deal. He signed the title over. It was still a green title...the insurance company hadn't bothered to write the title off. Probably wasn't worth their time. SCORE.

Next came Phase 2 of the mission. I needed car parts. Luckily, I had been in contact with a guy in Kalamazoo who was parting out an identical 330I, also Schwartz II (AKA Model T Black), also Sport Package. So Will and I left the basketcase BMW and followed Maps in my Sebring...right into the hood of Kalamazoo. As a privileged white male, I was a little out of my comfort zone, to say the least. The GPS dropped us right outside of some kind of impound, and the cars parked outside were old 90s sedans with giant chrome wheels.

Hoo boy.

The impound gate was open and Will and I walked in where a bunch of dudes were standing around smoking. Alarm bells were going off in this country boy's head.

"Uh, I'm looking for a BMW that's being parted out?" The guys exchanged glances and then one said, "Oh I wonder if you're looking for Jose." One of them led me a couple doors down. We walked past a house where an 11 year old was casually smoking cigarettes on the porch. Then turned and walked into Jose's backyard. The big black guy rattled his screen door and he came out. "Bought a wrecked car man? I'll sell you the title for this one. Twenty bucks. Your insurance will be cheaper." I turned down his offer, no thank you, and bought $300 worth of hood, fender and bumper. Whew. We were ready to be out of there, though arguably hadn't seen any trouble, we were just rather uncomfortable there.

We bungeed the hood to the roof of the Sebring, and loaded the bumper inside. I know it took up significant space even with the back seat folded down, and to this day I don't remember how both Will and I fit in the car. But we did.

So we drove back to Wayland, where the e46 was, and bolted on the hood. We didn't want to bother with the latch, so we just took it off and bungeed it down to the bumper. We decided we had enough daylight left to drive back to my parents lived, which was around 3 hours, so we just left the headlights out. More on that later.

We were ready to embark with my "new" BMW. I pushed in the clutch, turned the key, the engine came to life. I put it in reverse, carefully feathered the clutch, and started backing out of the driveway. Oh, did I mention that the passenger side mirror was busted off? Well the passenger side mirror was busted off. IE, I couldn't see anything behind me on my right side. This was fine. I was feathering that clutch like a pro - didn't even stall. All was well until I felt the back end go down, and the front wheels come off the ground. I just backed the car INTO THE DITCH.

Will was doubled over laughing in my Sebring. I had to tuck my sorry tail between my legs, go back into the shop, tell the owner of my misdeed, and ask for help. He pulled me out, and I promised to treat the car better. I doubt he was very confident I would make it home.

Surprisingly, the first while of the journey was great. I adapted quickly to the clutch and shifter, and we made it to Subway to grab a bite to eat. And we got back on the freeway.

Well, about those headlights.

Something must have taken too long, because it started getting dark. We were hauling down the freeway and it looked like we didn't have much daylight left. I called Will.

"Hey I'm just going to hang on your bumper since I don't have headlights. Don't brake too hard, and drive careful." I've had other brilliant ideas as well, like modifying a mousetrap into a toenail clippers.

So we did, and the night came. People started flashing their lights at us, and somehow we didn't pass any cops. I think I might have been in a little hot water if we had. Finally I called Will again.

"Hey, I think we should probably pull over and see if we can put these headlights in. This is kinda stupid." So we did. I pulled one headlight out of the trunk, and put it in. I didn't bother with any hardware, just bungeed it in (bungee straps hold anything together. I'm pretty sure the USSR held together as long as it did due to bungee straps). Plugged in the light connector, and there was light. I went to turn the key...

...and it wouldn't turn.

I jumped onto Google and looked up the problem. Somehow no one else had experienced it. I was almost in tears. Here I was, stuck in my dream car at 10 o'clock at night, and I couldn't as much as turn the key. Will suggested that I wiggle the steering wheel. It worked! BMWs have really tight steering wheel locks compared to the crappy cars I had owned before. We made it the rest of the way to my folks and I ran Will home without further problems that night.

I had many adventures in that car. I named her Helga. In fact, I got a license plate that said "H3LGA." I drove that thing down many dirt roads, never got stuck! (It's worth noting that dirt roads up north are often pretty nice) Helga weathered several brutal winters, thanks to Hankook snow tires. That was the first car I ever put confidence in. I took her down to Virginia in the middle of the summer without AC. I whipped the curves of H58. I went camping and slept in the cramped backseat. I even...get this...beat stock Dodge Neons at the stoplight! I got through some of the loneliest times of my life with Helga as my friend that always was there for me. Sure, it cost me a clutch and flywheel, a CCV system refresh, several vacuum hoses, other random parts, and a differential (another story for another time) but it was SO WORTH IT. I think all in the car cost me about $4000 over the 50,000 miles/3 years that I owned it.

Last year, in the name of diversity and practicality I traded it for a beat up Honda Civic hatch. Stupidest thing I ever did. Current stable is a 1996 318ti and a 1988 535i, both manuals. I'm now addicted to cheap, old BMWs, and you can't talk me out of it.

I just deleted a thousand word rant about what happens when stupid people own BMWs. You're welcome.

Tl;Dr I bought a manual BMW for $900, owned it for 3 years, loved it, and put about $3000 in parts into it.

[kuuxkat]

[EN]Interview with Director Sakai Kazuo - LoveLive!Sunshine!! TV Anime Official BOOK2

Original CN TL and Pictures: here

CN TL: by nyamazing / kyon_zegao

Disclaimer: This is a Chinese to EN TL, there would be things that would be lost in translation between the languages.

I’m not posting the image of the TL, sorry about that. Stealing images aren’t cool.

Please refer to my policies for more details and do not use the translations for commercial use.

Since there’s no QC - pardon my bad engrish.

The contents are under the cut.

Director: Sakai Kazuo

Born in Kumamoto. An independent anime director and performer. In charge of various storyboards in TV Anime “LoveLive!” He took on the role of overall director in TV anime “LoveLive! Sunshine!!” His wife “Sakai Kasumi” took part in this project as an animator.

Sakai Kazuo, being appointed the director was at the very front directing the TV anime “LoveLive! Sunshine!!” Inheriting the 1st seasons and this project’s heavy emphasis on the “Feel of a concert” and “Belonging to that very instant, what further leaps forward is he pursuing?

It’s akin to how after a long night, the sun is finally shining again.

Every day would be a day of contemplating: “What does it mean to shine”, which is something without an answer, while still charging ahead.

Q: First of all, please do share with us your thoughts on how you felt after successfully completing the production work for the 2nd season of the TV anime.

Sakai Kazuo: I feel that myself, and all the other staff, the most important emotions that we felt was a sense of relief. For all the staff who took part in the production of the anime, the greatest reward is to have all the episodes broadcasted safely.

In the 2nd season we had scenes of Hakodate, and with Saint Snow in the center stage, along with other very active members as well. Although the production process was tough, but it was fun.

We accumulated scenes one by one in front of us till finally we reached the (promised) future….

I feel that this is exactly “LoveLive!”. Although next up in the movie I would continue to be the director while feeling the pressure, but I am very thankful that I am given the chance to produce it. Although any anime production would encounter problems, but “LoveLive! Sunshine!!” is in the end special – as they have to sing.

Besides having a story, we’ll have to produce songs as well. We have to do so in a limited production schedule, and we choose a task with high difficulty - making it into a TV anime series.

The 2nd season’s production workflow was the same as the 1st season. First we had to finish the script, and afterwards begin the storyboarding process, and asking Aki Hata-san to write the lyrics for the insert songs. …The production this time around focuses heavily on their mental journey as they face the reality of their school combining and closing down.

What left the biggest impression on me was that, the production team themselves understood (that) long before and didn’t need further elaboration. Thus we were able to finish the production while heading towards that end goal. It’s the same for Hata-san’s lyrics too, and the same for the series coordinator Hanada Juuki-san as well. We are truly blessed to be able to work hand in hand professionally with so many people.

Q: Next up I’ll ask some questions about the way the story progressed in season 2. For this round, was it made by having Hanada Juuki-sensei create the script, and afterwards using it as a base to craft the story?

Sakai Kazuo: That’s right. Including Hanada-sensei, the production team used it as the original draft of the story as the blueprint, and after discussing through, made the final product.

Q: How did all of you decide on how to describe the essence of the “shine” that Chika was searching for, along with the mental state for everyone facing Uranohoshi having to close down and be combined?

Sakai Kazuo: It’s not just me, but each staff member did contemplate “what was (this) shine” as well. But I feel that, the best method to express the style of “LoveLive!” is for it to be gradually become clear as the story develops. As “not knowing what’s waiting ahead” is truly youth, right? They are just at their teens, so I felt it’ll be fine to just have this particular feeling be recorded in film.

Thus, at the very beginning I decide to not give an opinion on whether the end result of the school having to merge and close down is good or bad. The fact that one’s alma mater is disappearing is naturally saddening, but the one to make that particular judgement is the 9 of them, along with the audiences that had been looking over their struggles.

Originally I had my doubts on the mindset of “that’s how the world is”, I felt that there won’t be just a single answer. Looking at it from another angle, one’s view would also change. As for whether the final ending is good or bad, I feel that this could be left to everyone to make their own judgement.

Q: I remember Director Kazuo mentioning that when trying to gather materials for season 1, you once mentioned that in reality, the number of students in schools located Uchiura were small as well. Then with this situation happening in the real Uchiura, did it affect the story as well?

Sakai Kazuo: Not just Uchiura, to all the students who are in schools in the rural areas, closing and combining schools is something that has become commonplace. Thus, this is a real world problem, and you can’t just ignore it. Although in the future it might not be the same, but unless Uchiura experiences a change like an increase in population or etc, it is not something easy to avoid.

So thinking about that, meeting head on the reality of the closure and the school combining, was destined to be the challenge of the 9 individuals--- It is my opinion that, one major plot point of “LoveLive! Sunshine!!” would lie on the point of: “Searching for the shine while in this environment”.

Being unable to accept the results, to struggle, to struggle, and after the struggling – what should they do. This problem could explain how they themselves, simple 10 year olds, and where they shine. Thus I feel that if we are able to depict this, it’ll already be fine.

Q: What made left a deep impression for me was, although having to combine school is saddening, but it wasn’t depicted like it was a bad thing. Just like in episode 11 where it is represented by Ruby’s line of: “Not knowing what tomorrow will bring does make one look forward to it”. Among that, we can also feel the brand new possibilities of the future.

Sakai Kazuo: These are my thoughts: “After the confirmation of their school having to close and be combined, would Chika and the rest spend their days being depressed? Thinking about - they won’t right?

Rather, they should face the reality on one end, and in the other continue their school life looking forward while being uneasy about the future.

They would of course be saddened, but on the next day when the sun rises, it might be the birth of a different kind of hope/aspiration. This awkward but realistic incident does also contain hope within it- I feel that should be “LoveLive! Sunshine!!”. This project’s title is also “Sunshine!!”, it does contain the sun with it.

Q: Next up I’ll like to ask some questions about the members of Aqours. I feel that one of the special part of 2nd season was that it prominently depicted the bonds of the various members among the school years. What was your intent for each of those interactions?

Sakai Kazuo: The 9 members of Aqours lived in a world where School Idols are popularized, so it has a strong sense resonance with reality. School and School Idols have an inseparable relationship, thus I hope to be able to properly express that. In addition, if we are talking about the various school years, among the 2nd years, Chika and Riko both has an inferiority complex, and wish to change themselves. This resonance pulled You in to be among them too, and together lit up a fiery relationship.

At times won’t there be people who in one glance have their character and maturity being totally opposite, but would still be very similar. Through the meeting of Riko and Chika, You found a brand new aspect and possibility of herself too.

The charm of the 1st years would naturally still be their unique feel of going at their own pace. The 3 of them are the types that would decide what to do with their intuition, if we have to list it out, it’ll be that they are talented geniuses. I feel that, Yoshiko, Hanamaru and Ruby all of them has very strong personalities, and they do have traits of artistes, so it should end up being very entertaining for everyone to hear them chatting among themselves even at the sidelines.

And actually the 3 of them are good kids, telling them to “wait”, they would obediently follow. And their weaknesses are feeling negative due to being too mindful of others, or being too hung up on other’s moods. Through the story developments in season 1 and 2, they were able to gradually voice their own opinions. The biggest accomplishment of this, can be found in episode 8 and 9 (season 2).

Q: Then what about the three 3rd years? Mari, Kanan and Dia. Previously they did retire from being School Idols before, right? I feel that their mental state is the most complicated.

Sakai Kazuo: The current 3rd years knew about how μ's and A-RISE ended, they would naturally know how after School Idols graduate, it’ll be drawing the curtains on their activities. So, for the 3 of them who wanted to save the school from the circumstances of being merged and closed down, they were at a loss of whether they wanted to be School idols, or did they wish to save the school.

So when this confusion were dispelled, what kind of choice would they make then? The unclear mindset of the 3 of them gradually converged into one, and we were able to express this through images in every moment of this entire process. To increase the realism, in some parts we used the thoughts of the performers for the 3rd years as reference, and incorporated them in the story.

The initial concept for the project was a story where one gets excited about what they were searching for,

Q: In the 2nd season it depicts the answer of “shining” that Aqours was searching for. This theme “shining”, was it the director yourself that suggested it?

Sakai Kazuo: No, everyone decided on it. In the April 2015 issue of Dengeki G’s magazine, what was serialized was an advertisement titled: “Help, LoveLive!”, the catchphrase for the TV anime CM was “We all wish to shine!!”, it was a theme that has always existed even before the start of the 1st TV anime. Although we wish to shine, but “here” isn’t Akihabara, but it’s a small town which didn’t have much.

So, they can’t shine - but everyone who had blamed the environment as the cause, took the initiative to actively try and change the current environment, and got to stand at a brand new perspective to observe the world.

This theme of: “a story of rousing oneself to start searching” has existed right from the very beginning. Although I myself might not be able to deliver something concrete/accurate, but the girls are indeed searching for things to drive themselves (forward)….

Q: That is to say, what is termed “shining” is actually an overall theme that everyone individually agreed on in general?

Sakai Kazuo: That’s right. What I imagined the story to be like, was a youthful trendy drama/drama serials where when 2nd year student Chika wanted to shine, a group of girls who are sympathetic to her cause joins her.

Q: In episode 13, Chika finally found the answer of the question “what is shining” that she has been chasing after all this time. She could have let everyone be aware of it through a performance as well, but Chika instead choose to make her thoughts into words, this part shocked me deeply.

Sakai Kazuo: That particular line was suggested around halfway through the production of the script. If we continued production with the initial plan, it is highly possible that we would not have shaped the answer in that way.

During the production process, the image of Chika seems to have been infused with the elements of Inami (Anju)-san. So I thought that, Inami-san would definitely have found the answer. This is also included in the lyrics of “WONDERFUL STORIES”, Hata-san added “we finally found it!/やっとみつけた！/yatto mitsuketa!”. Thus, I felt that the script should follow the same route as well.

Q: Indeed so, in my impression I feel that as compared to season 1, the members are more able to use their words to express their feelings in season 2.

Sakai Kazuo: That was intentional. When we are doing storyboarding, we are interested to let everyone express their feelings. But in actual practise, to express using words their own “shine” is very difficult. Honestly speaking, I feel that “I don’t know” would what the majority of people would answer. If someone asked me: “What is your shine”, I would answer truthfully that I don’t know.

As the shine could be a particular aspect, or it could be something that oneself wouldn’t know of… for Chika, although she saw the shine of μ's, and wishes to approach that, but in season 1 episode 13, she reached out with her hands but didn’t grasp it. She originally thought that chasing the shine with all of her might and working hard would make the entire situation better, including the school merging and closing down. But reality isn’t that simple.

“And so that is to say, we didn’t have any shine worth mention at all?” She asked herself this while recounting all the activities that Aqours had done, and subsequently denied this train of thought. The way everyone worked hard all the way, bumping into things left and right, is exactly where the shine of the 9 individual lies.

Because they bore the shine of Mutsu and everyone else in Uranohoshi Girls Academy, they were able to showcase their shine. Not just depending on their own strength, but it is because of everyone could they shine brightly - this is Chika’s answer. It is my opinion that, understanding that: “It is everyone who gave their shine to me” is the greatest aspect of their growth.

Q: Although this project is about the 9 individuals in Aqours, but after watching to the end of season 2, I genuinely feel that the main character is indeed Chika.

Sakai Kazuo: It naturally developed into this (outcome). Of course, undoubtedly this is a story about everyone.

Q: At the final part of episode 13, there’s a scene where everyone was singing together at the gymnasium right? The image of 8 people stretching their hands towards Chika, it does feel kind of déjà vu.

Sakai Kazuo: What’s unbelievable was, that scene just resonates nicely with the OP of TV anime season 1.

When creating the 1st season’s OP, although there any special intent behind it, but wasn’t there a scene where Chika is chasing and running towards figures standing and shrouded by light by herself?

From the very beginning, that entire momentum were their own shadows. And this perfectly ties into and resonated together with the lead up to season 2’s episode 13 “WONDERFUL STORIES”.

Similar to how people are unaware of darkness under light*, Chika became aware that, the shine that she herself was searching for, could it have existed at that moment she saw that illusion in the streets of Akihabara? And this to her, could be the biggest discovery….

But, this is just my own thoughts, and just one way of explaining it, and isn’t the definite answer. I hope everyone would not pay attention to this, and freely see and freely feel what you wish to.

*TL Note: A chinese saying, that basically draws reference to how people wouldn’t realize that they are shadows below a lamp, and is fixated only with the light. You won’t notice something is there even when it really is present.

Trying to express the true emotions, using the method of a documentary to bring realism to a conversation

Q: In the production process of the 2nd season, what was the most difficult hurdle?

Sakai Kazuo: It’ll be in episode 12, the section in part B where we had to draw the “LoveLive!” finals was especially difficult. As it’s depicting feelings that had always been there, so I did not hope to copy it wholesale, but rather draw it out conversational style…especially so for the latter half.

I did not wish to have them simply only conversing, so I made some amendments matching to each individuals and their circumstances. Thus it changed to modes like visiting Kanda Shrine, looking over the sea etc.

According to the theory of a documentary, those (scenes) should be focused on Chika’s view point. As it’s in Chika’s perspective, so the imagery shouldn’t have Chika in it, but we bravely and purposely added it in.

So the audiences could take a step back and in that distance look at Chika and the rest. In adding another perspective like this, we’ll have the feel of scrutinizing the two’s conversations.

Q: I understand the reason why Chika appeared in the footage then, and I’m much happier about it as well. Then, besides episode 12, are there any other episodes which are harder to produce too?

Sakai Kazuo: Episode 9 I guess? Adding Saint Snow, and “Awaken the power” where 11 of them are performing together was very difficult.

Firstly, as the stage became Hakodate, which was a brand new area, the production of this anime - including the storyboard and scripts - took a long time.

And beyond that, we had to have the song with the most number of people dancing too.

Q: Then was Director Sakai doing the storyboarding for the songs in the 2nd season too?

Sakai Kazuo: That’s right. I draw them this time too. The dance itself would also reflect in reality the link between characters and their feelings, so only this I won’t leave it to anyone else. Each episodes’ performance we would have new members (at work) joining in, so it’ll be very very tough for someone who is working on this project for the first time.

As for me myself, there would be times when I can draw the storyboard in one go, but I would also have times when I would hit a bottleneck. As every character making an appearance are all important, so at times to ensure fairness, the movement of my hands would unconsciously slow down too.

And at the very end, it’s still because the 9 members of Aqours are too important. So I have to consider situations where I have to rest my pen a bit more.

In fact, my daughter’s birth coincide with the time when we were finishing work on the PV for “Koi ni Naritai AQUARIUM”. And it’s due to this experience, I have very strong feelings towards the 9 girls. When I am drawing, I would like to craft them to living, breathing individuals.

The usage of 3DCGI technology and how love of the project supported the creation of the song sections

CN TL note: 3DCGI: Three dimensional computer generated imagery. In simple terms it is the application of computer graphics to create or contribute to images in art and printed media. This technique is used primarily in the song segments in TV anime “LoveLive! Sunshine!!”. Director Kyogoku Takahiko-san who was in charge of TV anime “LoveLive!” specializes in mixing 3DCGI with hand drawn art and mixing both effects. In comparison, Director Sakai had always challenged the production team to raise the bar on special effects, to achieve beautiful dance sequences that aren’t doable by 3DCGI.

Q: Speaking of which, in the Live performance portions, the quality of the members that were drawn by 3DCGI has noticeably increased as compared to season 1. This greatly surprised me. Thus will close ups of facial features be introduced more readily now?

Sakai Kazuo: Thank you for your compliments. The company that took on the creation of the Live sections is “Sublimation”, they could be said to be beyond professionals and an organization filled with weirdos - this description is made totally out of respect (laughs).

When it is time for Lives(events), everyone in the production studio would go on site, and give their full burning enthusiastic support to the performers.

Most importantly they really love this project. Their feelings would definitely show themselves in the 3DCGI that they create, right?

Q: The 3DCGI seems to have gotten lots of changes and is more adorable now, could you raise examples that was changed has changed?

Sakai Kazuo: It mainly was due to the way we handled “shapes” as well as the work we did at the post-production stage? As for how much changes could be made on sections filled with CG… after stepping into this territory, the time spent on it is immense.

The adorable shape of the jaws, a facial model that’s filled with charm, that instant of adorableness when they look back… all of these didn’t happen by chance, rather it’s done by hand; frame by frame by those responsible for the 3DCGI to display the charm points.

And as it is a visual thing, so they did adjustments on every single frame on the portions that they needed to use.

Q: I didn’t know this at all!! I thought that after making a cute base model through CG, it’ll just be simply making it dance….

Sakai Kazuo: Although I do wish to say that to make 3DCGI cute does indeed need technique, but there isn’t any universally accepted single way to do so.

Using the things that were created as the base, adjusting it degree by degree frame by frame to make it even more charming - it is my belief that this is the special technique that was born from Sublimation and their perseverance.

It didn’t come from upgrading of the performance of computers or the version of the production software, all of them came from the “energy” of the creators.

Q: As expected it’s the strength of people right??

Sakai Kazuo: That’s right, it is completely due to the strength of people. The hard work as well as craftsmanship born out of actual experience, finally culminated in this technique. I feel that this really is amazing.

To produce anime in the past, with regards to the facial close-ups or to capture the motion of grabbing something with one’s hands, people would often say that the accuracy of drawing by hand is higher, so we shouldn’t use 3D.

But, this project we intentionally asked the other party to: “Please do the entire portions, including these parts as well!” To this request, the other party didn’t try to shirk away and say: “it’s too hard, we can’t do it…”, but rather responded by saying: “Let’s do some research and take up the challenge then.”

To have a production team like this, I really can’t think of another besides studio “Sublimation”. In my impression, through season 1 and 2 of the TV anime, the departments within “Sublimation” accumulated experience continuously, as if being worked on by an anvil.

And at the end it feels like we manage to forge out a legendary blade. And the sharpness of the blade increases as the days went by, until today…

Actually in episode 12’s “WATER BLUE NEW WORLD” was full of challenges too. If we are speaking of normal circumstances, within the limitations of animated 3D. Firstly: We can’t have long skirts. Secondly: Costumes and the hair style can't have changes.

But, in order to shock everyone, we did all of these in season 2. Due to this, we are still considering what we are going to do in the movie version.

To create beautiful costumes we have the filming department paste patterns and sequins on them.*

*TL Warning - There’s LOTs of technical terms in this portion of the TL, I’m honestly not very confident in them. But if you have suggestions on how to improve them, please advise me. Thanks!

Q: For μ's, at the time they change the 3D (model’s) hair only in the theatre version, right?

Sakai Kazuo: That’s right. One of the difficult parts of producing “LoveLive! Sunshine!!” was that, regardless of the design or the performance, all of them had been done by μ's.

We can’t win fans with just novelty, this part is the hadest to manage.

So that is to say, I declared: “what was done before, we must still do it again”!

In terms of technique wise, the PV for “WATER NEW BLUE WORLD” is one of the biggest accomplishments that we had a hand in creating.

Q: The imagery for episode 13 of the 2nd season “WONDERFUL STORIES” was great too!

Sakai Kazuo: That song was a challenge too. I remember production team discussing: “Are we really doing this? Can we make the broadcast?!” while still managing to create it.

At the very beginning our plan was to make all the challenging scenes that use 3DCGI be shoved to episode 12, and in episode 13 have them dance strictly in their school uniforms.

But when we were drawing the storyboard, as it’s the final, I decided to make all the costumes that we had created before be added into it, so for the production team in charge of the song, I’m really sorry for that time!!

Q: Speaking of the portions of the songs, the costumes of Aqours is full of charm too. Was Director Sakai-san in charge of the designs too?

Sakai Kazuo: Basically it’s I who make proposals to the animators, but the contents wise are decided in discussion with the production team.

As at the start we already did lots of costumes, so there might not be any attractive or creative creations left… Although that was my thoughts, but it’s really true that by sitting down and discussing with everyone we would still manage to find a new direction forward.

Thinking back, that really is something incredible. I have a question here. In your opinion when it comes to the costumes during the song portions, where would the biggest bottleneck found?

Q: This is a difficult question…. The production cost?

Sakai Kazuo: That is a portion which can’t be mentioned (laughs).

The correct answer is the drawings, that is to say the portion where we draw the art. The reason for that, in the illustrations, the line count* along with the scale (size) of the costumes*, isn’t something to be done by one’s own whim.

As the scaling and quantity has to be set within the limit of people’s ability to draw. On the other hand when filming with real people, there’s a much larger range of clothes that can be made….

But on the flip side, 3D might seem to have no limits, but having the production team churn out many costumes does take lots of time and effort too. Among them, the patterns were especially hard. Even so, we still managed to stick the patterns of the costumes for “MY Mai☆TONIGHT” one by one onto the screens.

So for example if you have 150 different drawings, calculating them simply you’ll need 150 pieces. In addition. “WATER BLUE NEW WORLD” has a costume that was intentionally made with sequins, so the parts which are shiny would also require texture work- so we hope that this focus on detail would make everyone feel happy that: “This is the first time I’m seeing this!!”.

To ensure the beauty of the details, we obtained lots of assistance from many creators from many companies.

*TL Note: I was informed that the term “line count” refers to:  The number of lines an animator has to draw per frame for a given character design, with higher line count taking longer and costing more. Thank you: redditor “csihar”.

Q: T-This is the power of people too?

Sakai Kazuo: That’s right. “Asahi Production” which was responsible for filming put in lots of effort. If the portions with the songs have 9 individuals, we’ll correspondingly need to map the textures of the 9 individual’s patterns piece by piece.

Q: The film department applied the patterns onto the costumes… that is to say that are very skilled in drawing by hand, this part is rather surprising.

Sakai Kazuo: Considering the time (needed) and workload, this is something that is very difficult to accomplish in the schedule of a TV anime series.

There’s many methods to apply patterns, for example masking all of them using chroma keying*, ignoring dimensions and sticking them piece by piece, or just sticking them on sleeves or the collars etc.

If you really wish to go into finer details when it comes to applying textures there’s always even more detailed/finer methods, if you really want to get technical, there’s really no end to it.

*TL Note - Green Screen tech in layman’s term.

Q: Then all of these have to be done with the original creator directing the textures of the scenes, and working on them one by one…. Is that right?

Sakai Kazuo: That’s right. For the portions with the songs it’s due to the highly technical support from “Asahi Production” and “Sublimation” that we were able to ensure its quality.

I really am very grateful to them. The production team members could imagine the happy expressions of the fans who would be watching, and put in their all in the production.

Thank you, Kato Tatsuya-san who was on hand to do the mixing on site along with creation of the background music

Q: Next up let’s talk about the background music work that uses “sound” to showcase the story. The person in charge of music in “LoveLive! Sunshine!!” is Kato Tatsuya-sensei. Please share with us a story with your work together with Tatsuya-san that left a deeper impression than most.

Sakai Kazuo: In my heart Kato-san is a very special individual. During the production of the anime, there’s a work process near the very end called “mixed recording” where one adds the BGM and sound effects into the finalized footage.

Once, I suggested that: “For this project, let’s have all the staff members working on it together!”, and afterwards Kato-san, no matter how busy he is, would take some time to join in, and it seems that he was present for all (the sessions)!

He made precise adjustments that non-music creators wouldn’t be able to identify, and matched the music to the footage, thus it’s definitely worth listening to it closely.

Q: Regarding the mixed recording process, who would usually be on site?

Sakai Kazuo: I guess its each episodes’ performers*, the director, the sound director, and the BGM/Sound effect mixer?

In a normal project, the mixed recording assignment would be helmed by the sound director, with the assistance of the production crew along with the base music score/source from the composers, to do the mixed recording assignment with the footage.

If the music’s original creator themselves would participate too, we could then consider the work site to be very luxurious and special.

*TL Note: The cast for each episode I believe.

Q: For the scores that Kato-san creates himself, if there are some incompatibility with the scene, would he do some arranging of the scores on site…

Sakai Kazuo: Indeed it did happen before. He even created a tune on the spot once to match the setting.

And he’ll also do adjustment work when the sounds of unneeded instruments are too loud, or when needed sounds are too soft, or when there are scenes when the sounds didn’t match the tone of the emotions.

In a normal mixed recording assignment it wouldn’t be possible to make such detailed adjustments. But because the composer, Kato-san himself was on hand thus we are able to make the proper changes immediately, so I would tell him specifically what the impression would be like, and asked for his help directly.

Q: That is to say, that the music that was played in the TV anime, would have portions which are different from the soundtracks that are available commercially??

Sakai Kazuo: We mentioned our requests and submitted our feedback to Kato-san on the music he created, and the other party would use it as the blueprint and make the deliberate amendments.

Afterwards he would deliberate on the site of the mixed recording itself. As the tunes would be created through repeated deliberation, the BGM in the footage itself would almost never come directly from commercial sources.

So from this angle, the creation methodology of this project could be said to be extremely luxurious. As the sound director Nagasaki Yukio-sensei is also in control, the degree of completeness of all the creations are very high. So when I am listening, I’ll feel that each scene’s music would match the scenario seamlessly, I can’t help but feel: “As expected of professionals huh?”

Q: Then this really is a special experience. So, what was the process did you commission for the 2nd season’s background music?

Sakai Kazuo: For the second season itself, after I had completed the script to a certain level, I left it in the hands of Nagasaki Yukio-sensei.

In the production of a normal TV anime, they’ll list/order tunes that would have higher versatility. For example, “Normal Days 1”, “Normal Days 2” are excited and calm respectively, “Normal Days 3” would be soft or by stringed instruments, or jazz etc… but Nagasaki-sensei wouldn’t do that.

He has his own unique method: Firstly he’ll read through the script, and from there filter through it and choose what background music are needed for the scenes. And afterwards have “Chika’s rising emotions”, “Riko’s entanglement”, “The two’s relationships”, he’ll pinpoint and match the music with existing scenes.

That is the reason why the music matches the story extremely well. Speaking of which, he’ll summarize the scenes that require music and summarize them in a sheet to hand it to Kato-sensei, for the two of them to collaborate. This is the perseverance of Nagasaki-sensei.

Due to the production process fitting the scenes, and the feelings of the characters starring in it very well, it’ll sound very comfortable.

(TL Note: Nagasaki Yukio, assigned as the sound director since 2013 on the TV anime “LoveLive!”. He is responsible for confirming the style of the background music, choosing the BGM to be played in each scene, with other assignments like post-recording the lines of the seiyuu etc. The person in charge of the category of “music” in the production of the anime.)

Thoughts towards the 9 performers who were able to individually express the charm points of the members.

Q: Next up, I would like to discuss with you the feelings of the performers who have supported this project. As the director, you’ve taken care of the various seiyuus. In which instance did you feel their growth?

Sakai Kazuo: I am the one that had grown. The work put in by the 9 of them would always give me courage and new discoveries.

Having the just resolve to take on the work on stage, that half-assed resolution isn’t enough.

They were able to make a name for themselves, they accepted criticism and judgment, and all along the way sincerely faced this project head on.

This filled me with respect as well. All along, compared to the things that the staff members had taught them, what they themselves taught me would number even more.

As, in all the hearts of the performers of “LoveLive! Sunshine!!” – the girls truly exists and lives (in this world), and they even helped us by expressing the individual charm points of all the members.

I feel that at the time when they participated in the auditions, they already had this power hidden among them.

Q: The way the performers for Aqours as well as the members synchronized, that is one of the charm points of this project, right?

Sakai Kazuo: That’s right. In my heart, the members and the performers could be said to be equal - for example Chika is Inami-san, Inami-san is Chika.

In a previous recording, when Inami-san was reading the lines her eyes started swelling with tears. I felt that in this scene, Chika would naturally cry too, and thus reflected that in the drawings. Of course, for the other 8 performers, the same feelings apply.

Being Aqours, there would definitely be lots that the 9 members would carry with them. But I feel that, the fans did indeed took note of them working hard selflessly.

The goal of the theatre version is to take on the challenge of finding the epitome of the Aqours style.

Q: As of now the TV anime has it’s curtains drawn midst resounding reviews. The fans should all be looking for the totally brand new theatre version. As the director, are there any announcements or things that you wish to challenge?

Sakai Kazuo: It is thanks to the support from everyone, that we could smoothly made it all the way to the current stage of having a theatre version, I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart.

What we are going to do now, is to put in our all to make an end product that that all the audiences would enjoy.

At the moment, we, the production team members are brainstorming with lots of enthusiasm while progressing with the production, in the hopes of making something that would capture the hearts of people. There isn’t a definite correct answer for the project.

For the audiences of this theatre version, I think they’ll have different thoughts, and what I am looking forward to is exactly that: a product that would be filled with many different possibilities.

In addition, as a theatre version would mean a movie, so we had thoughts like: “Isn’t this 10 times tougher than a TV anime series?” “Can we really do this?”, so we are both nervous and expectant, we spend everyday energetically like Chika and rest.

Although we have our concerns, we feel we can’t be as adventurous like the TV anime series, but having something “new” is the nature of “LoveLive!” - it’ll be that way regardless of whether it’s a TV anime or a theatre version.

Thus, I wish to epitome the “Aqours style”, and declare a challenge towards this. I have to remember firmly the theme of creating something brand new with 3D and the drawings; to work hard and create something for everyone who passionately love “LoveLive! Sunshine!!”

And this would be a new calling in my heart. Actually before this interview, I just had a meeting about the theatre version,we said that we would have Mt Fuji and the Sun as the background for a trio song, and next up would be having them sing among the footage of a fighting game.

I’m just kidding (laughs). In any case, we’re refining our ideas while joking with each other just like this, so everyone please do look forward to it.

Q: Can you reveal in simple terms what is Director Sakai, your own impression of the “Aqours style”?

Sakai Kazuo: “When one sings, and jumps, your stomach will start to be hungry!” I guess that’ll be it? I wish to pursue a pure kind of joy.

Q: Can we put it as a kind of following your instincts vibe? (laughs) I’m beginning to look even more forward towards the theatre version. And our time is almost up. Please do say something to the fans who had supported this project.

Sakai Kazuo: To everyone who tuned in to watch the TV anime each week for season 1 and 2, all I can express is my gratitude.

Among the audiences, there might be people who feel that: “this project is hard to understand”. And without discussing whether it’s good or bad, in this project there would be places where the answers are vague or unclear.

Some of the places we did so intentionally, and some aren’t so, but I feel that these (elements) and the style of “LoveLive! Sunshine!!” and very much linked together.

There was a period of time before where I worried over that too: “Scenes where we rely on reading the emotions and not on the dialogue, would that give pressure on the audience?”

But in the 1st season I realized that the nature of “LoveLive!” is to: “Don’t lie about your feelings”, so perhaps this is a type of methodology that could express it thoroughly. This project in some sense is an experimental thing, in another sense it’s quite sentimental…

In that way you could imagine there’ll be places where it’ll be obscure and difficult to understand.

And to everyone who, even with these elements, still love this project, from the bottom of my heart I am unable to express how grateful I am.

The 1st season who did it’s best to break from it’s shell, to the 2nd season in it’s search of something brand new - and there are times where I was lost too. With the songs from Aqours as my landmark, chasing the “shine” of the 9 individuals who gave carved out the future.

Where would the 9 individuals who had reached episode 13 go from now on?

One of the charm points of “LoveLive! Sunshine!!” is to have changes every day, so I would like to ask everyone to continue to look forward to the activities of Aqours and the release of the theatre version, and to continue to run along with us.

Q: Our final question. When Director Sakai feels uncertain, what song would you listen to to guide your way?

Sakai Kazuo: I guess it’s the 1st Single “Kimi no Kokoro wa Kagayaiteru kai?”?

I feel that all of the answers are found in that PV where I myself had first started off, so when I am feeling lost I’ll listen to that song first.

And among the lyrics it’ll include the feelings that I had when I first asked Aki Hata-san (about this project), it can be said to be the starting point of “LoveLive! Sunshine!!”, so at the end it’ll still return there.

When I was asked to take on this popular franchise, I felt tremendously pressured, and the result of my endless worries, was that song. That is something I’ve carved in my heart, and I will never forget that.

[persephone-damnedqueen]

Mid Season Thoughts on the Winter Anime Season 2018:

*Checks the Date*  Um . . . yeah, this is a bit over due. . . .  “Persephone, it’s already halfway through Feburary and this is your first seasonal post!”  *Clears Throat* Yeah, I’m sorry I couldn’t get out my first impressions this season.  My laptop leapt for freedom and broke, and by the time I got a new one, it was already too late to do a first impression!  Whoops.  

Poputepipikku: Studio Kamekaze Douga

Dropped.  The memes were too much for me to handle.  In all honestly though, this show is unlike literally everything we’ve ever seen, so I’m not mad at that.  Honestly, the only reason why I’ve dropped it is because the episode length is too long for my taste in this show.  I feel like had this series been a 5 to 10 minute long show it would have been a killing and I would have loved the show, but it’s too much for me.  Also, I would like to mention that I did also watch the first episode of the dub solely because Chris Sabat and Ian Sinclair were cast, and I have to say, there’s nothing quite like Vegeta and Space Dandy voicing 14 year old girls screaming at thunder.  Quality shit right there, but moving on.  

Ito Junji: Collection:  Studio Deen:

Dropped, well sort of.  Have I stopped watching it weekly? Yes, but if I hear an episode, or a part was good, I will go back and watch that.  Since it is an episodic series, it’s easy enough to do that.  Now, I love Ito Junji, despite not like horror series in general, but then again, try to find someone who knows about his work and doesn’t like him.  With an author like this though, I feel like his work doesn’t really work in anime form, add that on the fact that I’m also not a big fan of Studio Deen.  I still think that everyone should at least try a few episodes of this series out.  (The first one should be skipped).  

Kokkoku:  Studio Geno

Dropped.  This show got weird. . . Like too weird for my tastes.  At first glance, I barely even know how to describe it because it’s just that random.  All this series left me with was too many questions to care enough about the answers.  Moving on. . . .

Beatless:  Studio Diomedea

Dropped.  For no other reason than it’s another generic, poorly exacuted series that I’ve seen a billion times.  I will admit one thing with this series, main waifu-chan is pretty cute.  

Karakai Jouzu no Tagaki-san:  Shin-Ei Animations

Is it me, or is this season just a ton of episodic slice of life series?  Or just episodic series in general this season?  Not that I’m complaining mind you, it just seems like a ton.  In any case, the skits in this series are just adorable in all the little romancey-first-love kind of ways.  What can I say?  I’m a sucker for a cute little romance.  

Hakumei to Mikochi:  Studio Lerche

You know me, anything with Lerche, and I’m all over it.  Tiny little people living in the woods.  What more do you honestly need?  I love this show; this show leaves me feeling warm and fuzzy and fascinated with this world and just how it works.  It’s got the perfect amounts of magical elements and the slice of life appeal without being over the top.  The characters are interesting, and have unique designs and the background is clean and beautiful; honestly, it’s just an overall strong show this season.  Also, it has weasel boss, and he’s just the greatest thing ever hahaha.  

Killing Bites:  LIDENFLIMS

This show is furry trash, but it’s trash I never knew I needed in my life until I got it.   Every season I have one or two shows that are trash, but become my guilty pleasure trash, with summer season of last year it was My First Girlfriend is a Gal, last season it was My Marriage Partner is My Student, a Cocky Trouble Maker.  This season it’s this.  Killing Bites is just furry fanservice with some pretty epic fights, and quality characters like:  Hitomi Honey Badger who don’t give a fuck, Fat Wolverine, Rape-y Vegeta, Shinpachi Gorilla, and Bland College Boy, (Go on, watch this show and tell me that is not accurate).  If you go into this show with the absolute lowest of low expectations, I promise you, you’ll have a good time.  

Koi wa Ameagari no You ni:  Studio Wit

Is it cute, or is it creepy?  That is the main question.  So far, I’m leaning more to the cute side.   Now, usually age differences don’t tend to bother me too much; I mean my husband is nine years older than me, but in this case, the age difference is MASSIVE.  Yes, it’s fiction, but depending on how this story goes, it could definitely change to creepy in a matter of minutes, so I’m praying it doesn’t go to that.  My other main issue so far with this series is the art.  I know this studio can do better, so why does this just miss the mark on all parts?  The characters look too rough, and the background is flat and pretty generic and the color pallet is just blah.  I know you can do better Wit, so I’m going to give you a pass right now, but get it together please.  Ugh, here’s to seeing where it goes from here.  

Citrus:  Studio Passione

Okay, I need to clear things up for everyone.  This is not Yuri-Bait.  It’s based off of a hardcore Yuri manga.   Now that that’s out of the way, I have to say, it’s good.  You can tell this studio is actually caring about how they animate this story which is wonderful, especially after how badly Netsuzou TRap was done.  Obviously, I’m going to keep watching this one and praying it keeps it up.  

Violet Evergarden:  Kyoto Animations

I love you KyoAni.  My god this is pretty.  Nothing short of beautiful from KyoAni, but this is like especially pretty.   I think it’s obvious, or at least well established by now, but I’m a sucker for a drama tag.  I’m all about that depressing back story or heavy character drama, but with this series, I feel like it’s not your traditional drama.  It’s more of a Slice of Life, episodic drama, which in no way is a bad thing.  Is it anime of the season?  Ehh?  It’s good, but It’s too early to see if it’s AoS, especially with things like Devilman Crybaby, which is going to be VERY hard to beat.  Also, side note, but Fuck You Netflix for releasing it everywhere except the United States, making us wait until Spring.  

Darling in the FranXX:  Studios Trigger and A-1 Pictures

My Dudes.  Bros.  Lady Bros.  This show is a gift.   Now, I must say, this series is one of the best this season. . . which is saying a bit. . . I mean taking out all of the sequels of course, but the problem I’m seeing is literally just the same A-1 problem. . . .generic characters, bland main lead, and slow pacing.  I feel like had this series been just solely Trigger, everyone would be all over this show.  I mean hello, no one can hate Trigger, it’s scientifically impossible.  Oh well, I’m going to keep watching this regardless.  Also, I’d like to take a moment to introduce you all to Best Girl Winter 2k18.  

You’re welcome.  I’ll be starting a religion soon dedicated to best girl.  Keep your eye out for that.    

Devilman: Crybaby: Studio Science SARU

Who is the real hero in this series: Ryo or Akira?  Neither, it’s the rappers.  They were the true heroes of the series.  So why is everyone talking about this series?  Because it’s fucking Fantastic.  Netflix actually did something amazing here.  Is it anime of the season like everyone is saying?  Absolutely.  Anime of the Year?  Probably.  I’m going to be frank here.  This series is going to be hard to beat.  The soundtrack alone is fucking perfection.  Every single beat from the fight scene tracks to the beautiful song that plays in that one particular scene in episode nine, to the rapping exposition.  It’s fucking perfection.  The art style is fucking amazing.  The art is simple and basic that fits so well with the show and is so beautifully executed that had it been any other series it would have failed completely.  My gods it’s like crack for your eyes or something.  This series is so fucking dark, but at the same time so raw, but that much needed rawness is part of what makes the series that much better.  It doesn’t censor anything, unlike anything created in this day and age.  But what solidified this series for me and what made this series so intense and real and a “fuck, I need to binge immediately,” was what happened in episode 8.   Without spoiling too much, there’s a particular scene in episode eight with the brother, father and mother that made me actually break down.  It was a very powerful scene that honestly, I was not expecting in the least, and made me honestly feel like there really was no boundary they weren’t going to cross.  That powerful breakdown with the father was fucking heartbreaking, and as a parent, I understood and felt every ounce of his pain in his internal debate.  It was just absolutely powerful and without a doubt my favorite scene in the series just for that struggle alone.  Then episode nine happens, and that character death scene gets handled almost as well as the episode prior, only to lead into that plot twist and ending in episode ten.  It made me realize just how much of a tragedy this story is, but also just how symbolic.   The amount of symbolism in this series and the way it’s handled, really just proves how just fantastic and ahead this story was.  Honestly though, I could, and probably will, write a separate post on just how much I loved this series, but please watch it.  It is very dark, and very graphic, both with violence and nudity, but well worth it.  

CardCaptor Sakura: Clear Card-hen: Studio Madhouse

Nostalgia.  That’s what this series is.  You forget how much you love a series until they make a sequel.  This was my childhood, alongside Sailor Moon, and truly solidified my love for Magical Girl Series.  How does this season stack up to the original?  While the original one will always hold that special place in my heart, I feel like this one can be just as good, and so far able to stack up nicely with it.   Also, I have never shipped Sakura and Syaoran harder than I do right now.  Gods, they are adorable.  

Gintama: Shirogane no Tamashii-hen:  Bandai Namco Pictures

Guys, the end is really here.  300+ episodes, and it’s unfortunately coming to an end, and this arc actually feels like an all out final war, unlike so many shounens out there.  It breaks my heart that it’s coming to an end, but my gods this season is bad-fucking-ass.  Like Gintama, you’re picking a hell of a way to go out, but I think what my favorite part is seeing everyone, even minor characters from filler arcs, or 200 episodes back, coming to join in this war.  Take notes other shounen series, *cough, cough, Fairy Tail, cough, cough* this is how you do a full on war.  

Saiki Kusuo no Psi-Nan 2:  Studios J.C. Staff and Eggfirm

Is anyone surprised that I’m watching this?  No?  That’s what I thought.  I love this show.  It’s fun, and I’m a sucker for self aware comedy series like this.  Add on the fact that Saiki is voiced by Araragi, and it’s pretty much a guarantee that I’d watch it.  How’s season two going?  Well it is weird seeing it as full length episodes vs the five/six minutes skits it was last season, the way it’s done is actually surprisingly well.  It’s just as funny, if not funnier than the first.  I may just be biased though since I love the voice acting.  

Osomatsu-san 2nd Season:  Studio Pierrot

Osomatsu-san. . . .Wow. . . 

Had you asked me before episode 18 came out, I would have told you this series was just mindless fun you needed in your life. . . Then episode 18 aired.  My god, that was a fucking beautiful episode.  MY FUCKING GOD THAT WAS A HEARTBREAKING EPISODE.  Are we certain that was the same series?  The Same Studio?? Yes, I want to spend the entire length of my thoughts, going on about one episode.  Fuck, that episode was amazing, and is obviously my favorite from either season.  Even if you don’t like the show, watch that episode and enjoy the feels.  That is all.    

San-Gatsu no Lion 2nd Season:  Studio Shaft

I believe I’ve said this almost every time I talk about this series, but I still stand by it, this series is nothing short of a masterpiece.  It’s phenomenal, and every week I bawl my eyes out, either from pure sadness or pure joy, but that’s okay.  It’s worth every tear.  This series is one of the few shows that can deal with these topics, like bullying, or depression, or moving past, and portray it in such a real and often times breathtakingly, accurate way.  Literally words can not even begin to give justice to this show, just please go watch it.   

Mahoutsukai no Yome:  Studio Wit

Dropped.  For good this time.  The fandom is getting toxic.  It’s not worth it.  That is all.  

Black Clover:  Studio Pierrot

Dropped.  Meh, I’ve lost interest pretending to care about the adaptation.  I have the first ten volumes, I’ll just stick to reading it.  

[thecoriful]

InuKag week 2018  - day 3 - Distance

Okay. So, I did the unthinkable - I wrote Inu Yasha fanfiction! The first one in over 10 years.

I was so inspired by my newfound love for the fandom - thanks to all the people out there who keep it alive with their stories and their art. You know who you are, and you are beautiful, please keep going! <3 

There will be more of this, but it fit so perfectly with @inukag-week that I couldn’t wait to post it. 

You can also read this at FF.net on Ao3

What were we hoping...

...to get out of this? Some kind of momentary bliss?                      ~ Villagers - Nothing arrived

He didn't sleep after the first few weeks of her abscence, to keep the dreams away. He knew that when he let sleep really take over him, he would dream of her. His dreams had always been very vivid, lingering in his brain for days on end. He didn't need to be reminded of her this way. Who knows what his fucked up brain would show him when he slept?

He'd rather remember her the way she was: strong, stubborn, sometimes as angry as he was. The way she would stomp her foot on the ground, hands balled tightly into fists of rage against her hips, full of frustration about his thick-headedness. Her blazing eyes full of fury and concentration when they were focused on an enemy target whilst holding her bow and arrow... such a perfect, beautiful picture, forever engraved in his mind. Wild, almost like a child of the forest like him in certain moments. Fearless, selfless and full of compassion when it came to her friends, and also to strangers they had just met. With her wonderful ability to see the good in everything.

She was so strong, and yet so breakable in other moments, crying over him, for him, because of him. He'd never forget the way her tears smelled, the memory alone took his breath away as his heart cramped for a long, aching moment... he longed to wipe away her tears, to kiss them from her cheeks.

The tender look she always gave him whenever he did something she liked - wether it be helping others or saying something nice or fighting for her and their friends -  this look became the manifestation of his moral compass.

He would never forget how her small, soft hands felt on his shoulders, and how they comforted him so many times. Oh, how these delicate hands gripped him thightly but trustingly when he ran with her on his back, jumping higher and higher... he'd give everything just to feel this elation again. Never before in his life had he felt as free as with her on his back, the wind whipping around them. How he desired to hold her again, to touch her, run his hands through her hair made of silk, to smell her sweet scent again. Oh, he'd do everything for her, if she'd let him. She'd never have to walk again, he'd carry her everywhere. He would bathe her in light and love. She would never hear a grumpy word from him again, he would do everything she'd tell him to do. He'd never let her go again, always and forever he'd hold her in his arms.

If he could have her back, only seeing her beautiful face once more.... he wouldn't even need to gather all his courage to tell her he loved her, he wouldn't be able to stop the words tumbling from his mouth, he was sure of it. He'd not just tell her, he'd show her how much he loved her. If she also wanted it. His palms tingled with sensation, she was so present in his mind he could almost feel her - so he took a deep breath before he lost his mind  completetly. Farther than this he could not go, it would drive him mad, he was sure of that.

This was not healthy, and he knew it. But he couldn't help but go to the well every three days, he would never forgive himself if she really came back and he wouldn't be there.

***

Up until the night of the new moon, he had managed to avoid the dreams. A fortnight without sleep was something he was familiar with. But in his human form - not a chance. As soon as he had curled up in the corner of Kaede's little hut, where he had found shelter this night, sleep had taken him. He had awoken to the, due to his human eyes still blurry, concerned face of a certain little fox demon. "Inu Yasha?" A cool, tiny hand was very carefully pressed against his cheek. "Are you okay?", Shippou whispered. Inu Yasha tried to sit up but couldn't,  the dark hands of sleep still had him in a vise like grip .

Was he okay? No, no he wasn't. The dream he had so dreaded in the past fortnight had finally come and, just as he had thought, it had been the black, endless world inside the Shikon no Tama all over. Only this time, he could not reach her, and Kagome was damned to forever fight within the jewel, never returning, never... The blackness eating him up, his lungs sore from screaming her name, but they were all alone, she couldn't hear him, he couldn't even sense her, they were all alone in the blackness, forever trapped inside this never ending nothingness...

Inu Yasha had a hard time breathing. He seemed to suck in endless amounts of air into his lungs, but couldn't release it. His head was still swimming in this endless black hell...

"Inu Yasha?!", Shippou's voice was urgent now, though still a whisper. "It's me, Shippou! Please look at me!"

Dark eyes danced around in the dark until they finally found bright green ones. "Now breathe!" Shippou urged, and Inu Yasha could finally breathe out. And in again, slowly, and out again. He repeated the motion for a minute until he could feel his cramped up muscles relax again. He had to get out of here. It was a wonder that old Kaede hadn't woken up, she was still fast asleep on her futon in the other side of the hut.

Swiftly, he stood up and got outside, looking up at the dark night sky. Stars were twinkling above him, and he took a deep breath of fresh air. As if he didn't have enough reason to hate his human nights...

The little kitsune had followed him outside and was now crawling onto his shoulder. He was a bit heavier for Inu Yasha in his human form, but he was still small. Such a little thing and yet he had seen so much pain and loss in his short life. Inu Yasha knew how it was to grow up with no parents, understood how lonely the kid must feel without this anchor in his life. At least he still had people to turn to: Kaede, Sango, Miroku... himself. As if on cue, Shippou buried his face in Inu Yasha's hair, embracing his neck tightly with his tiny arms. "I...." the litte kitsune started to stammer, and that's when a sob escaped him. "I mi-miss her s-so bad!" he cried into Inu Yasha's dark hair. The man closed his eyes in agony and brought his hands up to hold the little fox demon tightly. "Y-you were say-saying he-her name a-all over again..."

So that's why Shippou had woken him up.

"I know kid, I miss her too.", Inu Yasha said with a coarse voice. "Real bad." He sat down on the cold ground at the outer back of the hut, leaning against the wall, all the while holding the sobbing demon child. He couldn't say anything else, he didn't really know what to say, if he was honest. He'd never been good with words, so he just hoped that being there would be good enough.

After the sobs had quieted down, it didn't take long for Shippou to succumb to sleep in the man's arms.

There was no way Inu Yasha would let himself fall asleep that night again, so he just held the little furry ball until the sun came up.

He relished hearing the sound of the birds chirping, and of the whole village slowly waking up again.

As his black hair rapidly changed back to silver, Shippou stirred, rubbing his eyes, without a doubt sensing the youkai engery coming to life again. He looked at Inu Yasha from under his bangs, clearly afraid of what the hanyou had to say about his sleeping place.

But the half-demon just looked him calmly, softly in the eyes, like the little demon had never seen him do it. "It's okay to be sad, you know?" he said to Shippou. "I know what she was to you. But there are a hell of a lot people still here who care for you. You'll never be alone, I swear." he akwardly ruffled the kitsune's hair and sat him down on the ground.

Shippou just looked at him, his chest suddenly feeling very warm. The way Inu Yasha had just looked at him... the look was so familiar - he had often recieved it in the past, only had it been grey eyes that had bestowed it upon him. "Go to Miroku's." Inu Yasha suddenly ordered. "I gotta get outta here for a bit." After a short pause, he added: "I'll be back soon."

And without another glance at Shippou, he jumped into the nearest tree and off he went, a blur of silver and red.

He jumped from treetop to treetop, ducking and doging his way through, going at breakneck speed. He was trying to outrun the last ripplets the damned dream had made as it had dropped deep in his mind,  but he couldn't completly shake it off.

He was behaving like a madman, and he knew it, but even though, he couldn't stop running. He kept racing through fields, woods, propelling himself over rivers until he didn't know where he was anymore. Finally, he reached some cliff, its other side so far away he couldn't jump over, so he stopped and just stood at its edge and stared off into the distance. Fields, trees, rivers, villages... everything seemed so small and far away.

His thoughts were revolving around Kagome, she was the sole thing on his mind and all he felt was loneliness, so deeply carved into his heart it physically hurt. Since when had solitude began to feel like this? He had always relished it, cherished the tranquility of silence, but now it just felt hollow and forced. And, there in this absolute solitude, surrounded by fresh air and only the busy rustle of animals around him, with sudden, absolute clarity he knew that he would wait for her to come back, or, fuck it all, he'd just wait five hundred damned years, and even if it were the last breath he'd ever take, he'd take it with her sweet smell in his nose.

It was the first time he let himself think about what she might be doing just in this moment on the other side of the well.

****

The dreams continued, and the days and nights seemed endless, dragging along excrutiatingly slow.

It got a bit better once Miroku and he started to travel around to exterminate youkai. After the word of Naraku's death got around, hundreds of small youkai had been creeping out of their hiding places, so there was a lot to do.

It was a good distraction from everything familiar. The fights, even though they were just with minor, weak youkai were good for his mood. And, even if it was hard to believe at first, the monk was mostly good company. They didn't talk much, and he was grateful for the peace and quiet.

Sometimes Miroku would talk about religion, how everything in life had a meaning and was intertwined. Inu Yasha would just look at him, hoping his eyes would convey the message. The monk was his friend, he wouldn't go and be disrespectful about his belief.

But where was the meaning in meeting the perfect woman, her healing his wounds, making his dead heart beat again, just to have her ripped out of his life, leaving an enormous hole where life and love should have been? What was he to do with this big, pulsing lump in his chest now? He could not silence it again, of that he was sure.

Once, he had even voiced exactly these thoughts, in a very weak moment. They had just sat up camp and had a small fire burning, when Miroku started again with the everything-has-a-meaning-crap. Inu Yasha had all but spit the words into the monk's surprised face. For once, Miroku didn't know what to say. He had opened and closed his mouth a few times, and after a few moments he settled with "Okay. I understand."

And, after a very long time, as Inu Yasha thought Miroku was already asleep: "I am very sorry. Please do not think that I do not know of your sorrow. I am your friend."

After a long silence Inu Yasha sighed. "I know."

And he did.

In the beginning, Miroku was also very careful that he didn't talk much about his life with Sango. Inu Yasha knew that it was hard for the monk. It's not like he didn't see how happy they were together. Of course, he was glad for his friends. They both deserved the quiet life they had made for each other in the village. With their small house and their garden full of vegetables and their laundry fluttering in the wind - the image of pure peace.

Oh, how he longed for this kind of boredom...

[thestaffofgrayson]

1-100 for the unusual asks, you meme lord

Mmmmkay so I cant help being sassy but also wanna give a real answer so we gonna do this -> Anything in parenthesis is a real answer everything else is sass central station

1) Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  Im a dank soundcloud rapper check out my soundcloud at nobodycares540.soundcloud.fuck (I dont really use any of em tbh)

2) is your room messy or clean? *glances over* clean (m e s s y)

3) what color are your eyes? All 16 of em are different colors actually (blue)

4) do you like your name? why? No because its not Jojo (Yes!!! Love the name Perrin gonna be honest)

5) what is your relationship status? *sets status to its complicated* you could say im a bit of a player (deathly single)

6) describe your personality in 3 words or less? Im sorry who? (Described meme lord)

7) what color hair do you have? Minecraft Steve Brown (Ver Ver Pink)

8) what kind of car do you drive? color? No I run like sonic next question (nope fuck driving fuck boulder)

9) where do you shop? Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (For what Next question)

10) how would you describe your style? Goku Black cosplay (Goku Black cosplay)

11) favorite social media account? The one with the Z U C C (Tumblr fuck snapchat)

12) what size bed do you have?  Uuuummmmmmm my size OBVIOUSLY next questions (Dont know tbh queen maybe?)

13) any siblings? Little shit brother (thats not even a joke)

14) if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?  Why this world fuck you what about mars (uuuuhhhhhh no idea gonna be honest)

15) favorite snapchat filter? Oh man! Love this one altho its not well known what ya gotta do is hit the delete button and when it asks if youre sure say yes :D (they change so often I dont pay attention)

16) favorite makeup brand(s)? Whatever it is Genji uses as eyeliner (dooont wear makeup)

17) how many times a week do you shower? I get clean by rolling around in the snow so maybe like 3 times a year (depends usually once a day with exceptions)

18) favorite tv show? I dont watch tv I AM the tv (The Office or if its Anime then Jojos Bizarre Adventure)

19) shoe size? M Y   S I Z E (size 10)

20) how tall are you?  hOWs ThE wEaTHEr dOwnTHeRe (5′9 - 5′11 somewhere in there)

21) sandals or sneakers? Gadget Shoes (legit those are cool but sneakers)

22) do you go to the gym? I think theeessseeee muscles speak for themselves (nope but I do martial arts)

23) describe your dream date  Killing all mortals and achieving a state beyond that of a god (iiiii dont know I dont really see myself going on a date)

24) how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Why do YOU wanna know (no really why tho)

25) what color socks are you wearing? Well I’m at home on the sofa playing sonic the hedgehog and typing up responses to an ask on tumblr that about 5 people are gonna see. That being said, Dragon Ball orange. (not wearing em but I have a fuzzy pair of polar bear socks my friend Ana sent me that I love!)

26) how many pillows do you sleep with? Wait what do you mean not everyone sleeps with 25 pillows are they mad? (One for my head, one on each side, smol pillow, pillow pet)

27) do you have a job? what do you do? I am assistant regional manager at a paper supply company named Dunder Mifflin. (Not currently but I’m gonna apply to Gamestop and Costco here soon)

28) how many friends do you have? Toooooooooooooo many I hate mortals (honestly I’m too lazy to try and count rn)

29) whats the worst thing you have ever done? Well I haven’t seen Mulan don’t call the cops (Iiiiiiii’m not sure I guess cheated on my Chinese final freshman year but hey I needed to pass that)

30) whats your favorite candle scent? V o i d  (I dont use candles that much and I shooouuulld)

31) 3 favorite boy names Jo[seph] Jo[estar], Jo[taro Ku]jo, Jo[nathan] Jo[estar]  (uuuuhhhh I like my name so it would be Perrin, Joji, Donovan)

32) 3 favorite girl names Jolyne Kujo there is no 2 and 3 (Jolyne yes I know but I actually really like the name, Perrin is also a girls name so, Milly)

33) favorite actor? Shrek from Shrek the musical (Robert Downey Jr and Chris pratt)

34) favorite actress? Taylor after she sasses me and acts like nothing happened (Millie Bobby Brown)

35) who is your celebrity crush? McCree (Matt Mercer)

36) favorite movie? UM IS THIS A QUESTION LIKE??? OBVIOUSLY THE SHREK AND BEE MOVIE CROSS OVER SHREK B: HONEY AND SWAMPS (I LOVED Black Panther and Thor Ragnarok but Secret Life of Walter Mitty’s stuck with me for a loooong time)

37) do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I don’t read cuz I’m not a NERD (I mean actual books I don’t ask me about it another time but comics I sure do I love the Marvel Civil War storyline)

38) money or brains? They say Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy me more games! Eat that SUCKERS (Honestly brains because then you can be smart which can make you a lot of money. So many more benefits)

39) do you have a nickname? what is it? Perriushium, destroyer of life and bringer of the new age (Pey given to me by my brother when he was still a baby and couldn’t say my name)

40) how many times have you been to the hospital? Enough to be immune to every disease known to man NOW IM UNSTOPABLE MWAHAHA (none for any of my own conditions or injuries but for family stuff about twice)

41) top 10 favorite songs All Star, All Star, All Star, Chum Drum Bedrum, All Star, All Star, All Star, Never gonna give you up, All Star, All Star (Bloody Stream, Sono Chi no Sadame, Flying Battery Zone, Stardust Speedway, Stand Proud, Goku Black theme, Halo theme, The Apparition, Shovel Knight main theme, Hooked on a Feeling)

42) do you take any medications daily? I take a shot of cold hard whiskey when I get up (nope I dont have anything)

43) what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) The largest organ of my body I’ll tell ya that much (I honestly dont know?? Smooth and soft I guess?)

44) what is your biggest fear? The Communists lol jk Communism is the only way (I’m not so sure on this one gonna be honest I do fear something I just cant think of it at the moment)

45) how many kids do you want? I mean I’m a 16 year old teenager in high school with no job and no relationship that being said 5 (NONE EVER NOPE 0 KIDS)

46) whats your go to hair style? Super Saiyan 3 (Idk I just kinda comb it to the left)

47) what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) All Star. Wait fuck wrong quest- (Two floor medium sized house) 

48) who is your role model?  Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh (uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh)

49) what was the last compliment you received? A like on my post we did it guys we hit one like so I’m here making this 1 like special (I was told that everytime my friend see’s my dyed hair it absolutely makes his day :D) 

50) what was the last text you sent? Yeah that’ll be $5000 for the kill nice doing business with you (Maaaannny pictures of Genji Shimada)

51) how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? WHAT SANTA ISNT REAL????!!!!!?!?!?! (It kinda faded over the years my last strands of belief were gone by 12)

52) what is your dream car? Odie’s car from Garfield Kart (The Mach 5 from speed racer there’s a street legal car look it up)

53) opinion on smoking? Jotaro does it so I do it too (PSA: Smoking doesn’t make you cool or look cool you’re just killng your lungs. I won’t try and make you stop as long as you’re aware I don’t want you smoking around me and you understand the consequences)

54) do you go to college? After that SAT I meeeaaaaannnn McDonalds might be hiring (I’m still in High School but I want to)

55) what is your dream job? To stand in a corner for 8 hours with a lamp shade over my head and make a clicking sound every so often (I would like to be able to draw, animate, design and/or play games for a living. Achievement Hunter would be a fantastic job but I doubt that’s happening)

56) would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I wanna live in a cloud In the sky and abduct people to harvest their DNA and make clones which I can fight to the death with (eh somewhere quiet and disconnected from people tbh)

57) do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? They fetch pretty high prices on eBay you’d be surprised (Nope I dont use them at all I bring my own and take my own)

58) do you have freckles? My face is a giant freckle little known fact (not really thank god I would look real bad with em)

59) do you smile for pictures? *leans in* I’m gonna let ya in on a secret kid. I wait until the photographer is just about to take the picture and then I hold a middle finger over my face to block the proper shot. Do it enough times then they’ll be payin YOU to get the picture done (I do but I only open my mouth slightly)

60) how many pictures do you have on your phone? They’re all of people I’ve killed because they showed me a stale meme dont worry about it (960 exactly and they’re all either memes, fan-art, or my cute friends)

61) have you ever peed in the woods? Ew no I don’t go outdoors thanks (Yep once on a school field trip in which we hiked to the top of a mountain it was fun)

62) do you still watch cartoons? Well I mean SOME ONE spoiled my belief in Santa earlier so I’m a bit too old for that now. I have a boring desk job thanks LAZLO (I do spongebob is really funny to me still and I LOVE the original Teen Titans)

63) do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McWendy’s next question (I dont eat either so)

64) Favorite dipping sauce? Drip dip dip I’m boutta rip please i want to die (I dont use dipping sauce either call me a heathen all you want)

65) what do you wear to bed? Well I take off the clothes I wore for the day, take off my earring, ring, necklace, eyes, hair, 3 layers of skin, and call it a night (Pajamas mostly and sometimes sweatpants)

66) have you ever won a spelling bee? *Obligatory Bee Movie Joke* (I’ve never even heard of a spelling bee in any of the schools I’ve been to)

67) what are your hobbies? Well I like to kill all mortals #ZamasuWasRight  (I enjoy martial arts, drawing, video games, game design, and walking around my house with nothing to do)

68) can you draw? UH BOI YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ART IS UNTIL YOUVE SEEN A SHITTY JOJO DRAWING OF MINE (I mean yeah but not well)

69) do you play an instrument? Electric Triangle (Actually, I play the Violin but not super well)

70) what was the last concert you saw? SORRY WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF THE CONCERT (I’ve never been to one that seems like the opposite of fun for me personally I hate hyper loud music, people, and crowds)

71) tea or coffee? Coftea next question (tea. I don’t drink caffeine if i can help it)

72) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? I need my sugar sonic rings (Again, Don’t drink caffeine)

73) do you want to get married? I’m already getting married. MARRIED TO THE LIFE OF CRIME THAT IS UP TOP (I mean I would like to one day)

74) what is your crush’s first and last initial? My  Self (I don’t have anyone I’m crushing on)

75) are you going to change your last name when you get married? What’s crimes last name? Smigglesworth? (If my partners last name is something with an S cuz then I can be PJS)

76) what color looks best on you? You know the color mario turns when he uses the super star? T-that (Pink and Black)

77) do you miss anyone right now? PPFFFFFT NOOOOO WHATS A FEEL *CRIES* THOSE ARENT TEARS ITS JUST SWEAT IVE ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS OKAY (I miss all my internet friends :(  *cries*)

78) do you sleep with your door open or closed? It is neither open nor closed it is in a hyper dimensional state between open and closed in which no mortal can enter or exit but also cannot be blocked from passage (clooossed because otherwise the cats are gonna kill my fish)

79) do you believe in ghosts? I mean how else would I make a long and successful career as a ghost buster (I do!)

80) what is your biggest pet peeve? My pet, Peeve! Biggest one I know! (depends on for what tbh the other day a guest speaker was talking to the class and this kid was playing music in his headphones really really loud and it pissed me off)

81) last person you called? Called what? Called them a nerd? A good bean? A meme? MAKE MORE SENSE YOU ******* **** *** ******** (Well according to my phone, the name listed is “Mom”)

82) favorite ice cream flavor? I’ll ice your cream if you’re not careful (Vanilla with chocolate syrup mixed together is hella everyone GO TRY IT)

83) regular oreos or golden oreos? The fuck is a golden oreo?? (No seriously, what the actual is a golden oreo)

84) chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? *mario invincible star song plays as I flash color and dash down rainbow road* I’ll have to think about it (rainboooowww!)

85) what shirt are you wearing? Well I…. You see… The thing is…. excuse me for one second (yeah I can’t think of sass to this one but my favorite shirt! Sonic mania that my friend Tasha bought for me and I love it!!!)

86) what is your phone background?  RYUJIN NO KEN WO KURAE!! “What do you think of this color? Is it not beautiful?” If you dont know those HOW DARE YOU LEARN THEM AND WE ARE WATCHING DRAGON BALL (Genji lock screen and Goku Black home screen)

87) are you outgoing or shy? Does THIS answer your question >:D (Outgoing when I want to be, but I’m antisocial so it’s like I CAN be outgoing and personable but it’s highly on my terms ya feel?)

88) do you like it when people play with your hair? My hair is a pride to my race the Saiyans hair is a sacred thing I will advise you not to touch it (YYYEEESSSS I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT BUT THAT HARDLY EVER HAPPENS)

89) do you like your neighbors?  …..the what? Never heard of it before is that a type of appliance? (I mean they’re chill we don’t interact a lot which I’m cool with)

90) do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Nothin can cure this ugly face fest of spring 2018 (I use face wash when I shower which is typically right after school not sure why it matters but there ya go :V)

91) have you ever been high? “I’m high on LIFE maaaannn” -Incorrect Shaggy quotes (N o p e  never have don’t plan on it)

92) have you ever been drunk? shots ShotS SHOTS SHOTSSHOTSHOTS (nope but I will one day maybe in College years)

93) last thing you ate? The shattering realization that my friends will keep saying OWO to me every chance they get (Pancakes! asked for french toast but I loooove the breakfast food so no complaints)

94) favorite lyrics right now someBODY Once Told Me The World Is Gonna Roll Me… (The lyrics to Bloody Stream dude it’s a  g r e a t  op)

95) summer or winter? Sorry I’m on Mars weather its ZXAR right now (eeehhhh winter cuz then I have an excuse to be inside and it’s also the ski season)

96) day or night? I am the darkness. I am the night. I am BATMAN (Night honestly I’m a fan of the darkness)

97) dark, milk, or white chocolate? Plllleeeeaaase its like asking if you’re heart is pure of evil or not. Dark Chocolate is a sin (Milk chocolate is the best chocolate fight me on that)

98) favorite month? See, some may argue for their birthday months, christmas, new beginnings to the year, but I say there’s only ONE spooky time :3 (Altho I’m one of the fools that’s gonna have to go with March because it usually has my favorite kind of weather for where I live)

99) what is your zodiac sign  I refuse to go by Zodiac signs until Ted Cruz is proven to be the Zodiac Kill————–”OLD MEME ALERT THIS IS THE MEME POLICE”   “I AINT GOIN BACK TO JAIL”  (Cancer! I wear a necklace of my sign all the time fun fact for ya)

100) who was the last person you cried in front of?  Me after writing all these (Don’t know actually I try not to cry in front of people ever)

[alexventimilla]

Bat Subjectivity, Viral Contagions, and Zoonotic Poiesis

Consider the bat. Admittedly, to write or speak about them is challenging given the diversity of the group. Chiroptera, as the group is known, is an assemblage consisting of over 1,200 varieties worldwide, about 20% of all recognized mammal species. This makes them the second most numerous order in Mammalia, and the only one capable of powered flight. Their kinship and locomotion may be the only two well-known characteristics universal to all bat-kind, although I wager the implications and mechanics involved are seldom entertained. Instead, popular knowledge about bats centers around several factoids. Some have no semblance of truth, such as myths about them being blind and/or commonly getting caught in people’s hair. Others are partially correct, or not ubiquitous. For instance, representations of large chiropteran congregations fluttering in dark caves are informed by hundreds of nocturnal, gregarious species that roost in subterranean habitats. Humans profit from the literal and figurative breathtaking attributes of these species by employing their pungent guano as a crop fertilizer and occasionally consuming the astounding aesthetics of their swarms as entertainment. Yet, several species lead solitary lives while a few others are diurnal. Bats also inhabit a far wider array of habitats than those depicted in the media, from the underside of tropical foliage to damp copulas in European churches. Further, we benefit from their trophic relations in ways beyond the industrial harvesting and application of their droppings, as bat lineages occupying different ecosystemic niches play crucial roles in pollination, seed dispersal, and pest control.

It may be more productive to explore how poorly we understand bats, there is much we have yet to learn. Take their use of echolocation, another bat behavioral trait widely represented in human culture and widespread, though not universal, among Chiroptera. Unlike their flight, the mechanism involved in bats’ ability to navigate their environment through sound waves is roughly understood by large swaths of the human population, particularly children, but also those familiar with the technological devices that mimic it: sonars and radars. Yet, these are little more than militarized, commodified allegories. In “What is it Like to Be a Bat?”, Thomas Nagel eloquently illustrates how this form of perception ��is not similar in its operation to any sense that we possess” (438). For while we can achieve a schematic conception of what echolocation is like, ascribing general types of experience based on the animal’s structure and behavior, these experiences are also endowed with a specific subjective character “beyond our ability to conceive” (439). To imagine what it is like to be a bat is, therefore, an exercise that requires the visualization (echolocation?) of a wholly unfamiliar experience, a breaking with the known and knowable.

Those who dedicate their efforts to the study and understanding of bats are used to working with the unknown. The evolutionary origin of their echolocation is, after all, one of several aspects of bat ontology buried beyond Western epistemological methods by the dunes of geological time. The lightweight skeleton required to achieve vertebrate flight reduces the likelihood of fossilization. To be sure, a few fossil prehistoric bats have been preserved, though these are fully-formed bats, already capable of flight and possibly even echolocation, meaning the details of how these traits arose in their ancestors remains little more than informed speculation. Historically, the same was true for another puzzling characteristic present in certain Chiropterans, namely, their being reservoirs for an inordinate diversity of pathogenic viruses. Zoonoses are common and contact with many kinds of animals may result in disease. But it has long been suspected that bat-to-human contagions are responsible for notably dangerous viral breakouts including rabies, Marburg, Ebola, and most recently, the novel strain of coronavirus responsible for the unfolding Covid-19 pandemic.

Much has been written about the origins of Covid-19, even excluding conspiracy theories. The current scientific consensus is that the responsible pathogen shows strong genetic affinities with coronavirus strains found in Horseshoe Bats of the genus Rhinolophous (Benvenuto et al 458). One of these viruses, the theory goes, must have mutated in a way that allowed it to jump species and infect human hosts, probably via an intermediate host, possibly the Sunda Pangolin, though there is no way to be sure (Liu et al 979). What is certain is that this contagion catalyzed a chain of unprecedented, unpredictable events. It is worth dwelling on that thought. A molecular mutation in the genome of a bat-borne coronavirus sparked a global affair currently affecting billions of human and nonhuman lives.

Contagions can certainly be detrimental to Human and Chiropteran communities. In recent years, a Eurasian fungal infection known as White-Nose Syndrome has decimated North American bat populations (Drees et al). WNS also alerted scientists to the threat posed by opportunistic pathogens capitalizing on global transportation networks to spread across otherwise insurmountable geographical barriers and infect new, vulnerable host species. Similarly, their potential to wreak havoc among human populations and their natural-cultural environments is documented in historical accounts of the Great Dying, the Black Death, and the Spanish Flu, disease outbreaks that played a critical role in the shaping of the world we know. Those seeking to contextualize and predict the human suffering Covid-19 could potentially unleash often look to these chronicles and their focus on spectacular catastrophe. But as Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari write in A Thousand Plateaus, viral contagions can be thought of as aparallel evolution, interkingdoms that cause us to form a rhizome with other animals through traversal communications of genetic material and capable of potentializing new, unheard-of becomings (10). “We evolve and die more from our polymorphous and rhizomatic flus than from hereditary diseases”, they write (my emphasis 11).

Let us focus and expand on the former of the two processes. For while the human tragedy inherent to the latter must not be forgotten, neither should the natural and cultural permutations catalyzed by these pathogens. For example, Tom James associates the fall of feudalism to the worst pandemic in history (“Black Death”). This rhizome extends from European demands for East Asian species-commodities like tea (herbs) and silk (caterpillars) to reservoirs of the bacterium of Yersinia pestis in rat-riding fleas aboard seafaring rats and back to the ensuing shortfall of European peasant labor these caused. The plague’s environmental impact is less known, though it is possible the reforestation of abandoned areas triggered a global cooling trend (Ravilious). Viral contagions have made their mark too. Andrew Pierce-Smith argues that the Spanish flu “may have prevented a German victory” in World War I, as morbidity and mortality were higher in the Central Powers than among Allied combatants (78). Similarly, historian Nancy Bristow contends the contagion was an opportunity for the first generation of college-educated women, nurses in particular, many of whom later wrote about “the pride they felt in doing their duty” (122).

Pathogens’ potential to disrupt systems of power has not gone unnoticed by contemporary theorists. Anthropologist Elizabeth Povinelli identifies the Virus as one of three prominent figures in her theorization of geontology, “a set of discourses, affects, and tactics used in late liberalism to maintain or shape the coming relationship of the distinction between Life and Nonlife” (4). Povinelli considers this distinction to be vital to Capital’s demand that not all modes of existence are the same from the viewpoint of value extraction (20). In her view, the figure of the Virus provides a glimpse of the persistent, errant potential radicalization of Capital’s subjects of extraction: a sign that stands for all that which seeks to disrupt the current arrangements of Life and Nonlife (18-9). As the anthropologist points out, viruses are neither defined nor contained by this life-nonlife division, for despite their genetic composition they cannot self-replicate. Thus, Povinelli includes bat-born Ebola and other zoonotic viruses within her geontological figure. But she also includes radical Environmentalists, Islamists extremists, and any “active antagonistic agent built out of the collective assemblage that is late liberal geontopower” and its capitalist extraction systems (19).

The intense abjection and attacks Virus figures are subjected to by geontological regimes lead Povinelli to doubt their viability to function as the radical exit from geontopower they appear to be at first glance. Further, she understands Capital as capable of creating profitable industries from these antagonistic agents “with the right innovative angle” (20). Certainly, capitalism has managed to turn a profit on literal batshit in the past, while the billion-dollar revenues posted by the pharmaceutical industry in countries like the United States are directly derived from the emergence of new pathogenic contagions. On a similar note, Andreas Malm delineates the recurrent waves of innovative fossil technologies through which geontological Capital has overcome prior crises (21). And while the Virus does not figure in Malm’s conceptualization of fossil development, he entertains the possibility that climate change, one of Povinelli’s antagonistic agents, may disrupt Capital’s wave pattern of innovation (34). As Leigh Johnson shows, however, the financialization of fossil fuels, via oil futures contracts, has allowed this industry to turn hurricanes into “quasi-commodities with tradable potential”, effectively allowing Capital to profit from climatological disarray (208).

This brings us back to Covid-19 and its original chiropteran host. For while it lacks the calamitous aesthetics of meteorological phenomena, this contagion can and must be understood as part of the viral assemblage of anthropogenic climate change, the product of the geontological practices of capitalist extraction. In its hierarchization of existence, between life/nonlife, valuable/invaluable, and profitable/unprofitable, geontological regimes perceive populations only in terms of their extractable worth. Thus, the harvesting of desirable (wild)life, as well as the destruction of habitats for resource extraction are inextricably tied. Both are driven by Capita value extraction, perceiving little else. The disregard for other ontologies was such that even the repeated warnings from virologists concerned with the growing number of precarious populations in zones of contact with exotic zoonotic were ignored. Then a coronavirus aboard a Horseshoe Bat jumps to a Sunda Pangolin whose scales, coveted by Chinese traditional medicine, saw it coaxed to a Wuhanese wet market. There it mutates again, and in a matter of weeks, Covid-19’s poiesis produces a pandemic that bleeds capitalist geontopowers’ oil.

What happens now remains to be seen. Already, an increasing number of voices call for a return to the ordinary. The industries and services erected and dependent upon geontological extraction, they say, are too large to fail, their Capital flow is vital to too many people, “the cure cannot be worse than the disease”. But must there be a cure? Let us consider the bat once more. Although rabies and a few other bat viromes do cause disease in their hosts, the vast majority do not. Calisher et al theorize this apparent immunity is symbiogenetic, a coevolutionary becoming galvanized by chiropteran characteristics that make them ideal viral hosts, namely, their unusually long lifespans, aerial travel, communal habits, and metabolic modulation (536). It strikes me that not only are the first three characteristics also present in humans but that the Covid-19 crisis has forced us to do the fourth. And for many, the preventive imposition of economic hibernation has been a welcome respite from highly regulated everyday routines that demand their perpetual production and consumption.

It is too early to tell if and when the global economy will return to pre-pandemic activity levels. We know too little about the virus and the damage it has done. But perhaps instead of searching for a cure, that is, mechanisms by which the regimes that elicited the infection through reckless extractive logic can continue to operate unchecked, we should search for ways to become symbiotic with the virus and evolve, like bats. I am not suggesting that everyone should contract Covid-19, nor that this will somehow overthrow geontological regimes and Capital’s industrial economies. And to be clear, activities must resume; bats that fail to wake from hibernation die. What I am suggesting is that the onset of this zoonotic pandemic is a kind of global poiesis, the processual emergence of something new and an unimaginable break from the steamrolling Anthropocene-Capitalocene. It is an opportunity if one that is also a tragedy that has resulted in the unnecessary death of hundreds of thousands of people.

We may never be able to echolocate and hibernate. But we are in a unique instant in which we may envision how things may be otherwise, dream of new ways to perceive and relate to other ontologies, and consider the assimilation of self-regulatory practices compelled by chiropteran contagions. But if we wish to truly transform nothing must be imposed. This evolution must be viral. It can only catch on.

Originally published as a blog post for the Environmental Humanities Centre, Amsterdam; https://environmentalhumanitiescenter.com/2020/05/04/bat-subjectivity-viral-contagions-and-zoonotic-poiesis/

[genogenocrazycatman]

Rush - Trafalgar Law x OC

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece. All copyrights and trademarks go to their respective owners.

This story contains graphic depictions of violence.

Note: This is the sixth rewrite of this, and while I'm still not happy with it, this one has turned out far better than the others.

Medical things. I am not a doctor. I have no clue what I'm talking about. Everything I mention is about 50% google, 10% it's anime, 15% plot convenience (at least I'm willing to admit it) and 25% fuck it. So if I get something wrong oh well, cause I'm not knowledgeable enough and I don't give enough of a fuck to go and fix it.

I took my drag of my cigarette, and stared out at the ocean. The moon light reflected on the water’s surface. The spring island, where I had boarded the ship I was currently on, was no longer visible. The sounds of the village, the people in the taverns, the shops closing up had given way to the gentle lapping of waves on the hull.

  There was something about the vastness of the sea that was just special. I couldn’t say that it was a positive quality, nor was it entirely negative. You could sail for weeks without encountering another soul. The solitude was liberating in a way. There was no one to answer to, no social constructs to uphold. You could do whatever you wanted, and no one could tell you otherwise.

  On the other hand, that solitude could easily give way to loneliness. There was no one to answer to, but that also meant that there was no one to talk to, no one to laugh with, no one to pick you up, no shoulder to cry on, no one to share your joy with.

  By the time I set sail, I was already well acquainted with loneliness, among many other things. Violence and pain standing out among them. I found solace in those two concepts. It was more than solace. It was bliss.

  It wasn’t until I had met a pirate crew and their enigmatic captain that I was able to find that joy and that comfort elsewhere, in friendship, in love.

I was lucky in that respect. I had found a place in this world. Surrounded by my crewmates, the vastness of the sea wasn’t so daunting. It wasn’t so lonely. I would do whatever it took to preserve that, which was why I was on this ship, taking one last drag of my cigarette, before flicking it overboard.

  I turned around and surveyed the deck, the carnage around me. My kills had been quick and fairly quiet. Cervical fractures, carotid artery compression, exsanguination due to CTIs.

  It was a waste. I was relying on the element of surprise. I couldn’t allow them to yell out and give me away, no matter how much I wanted to.

  With the exception of the helmsman, who I had taken care of first and the captain, who was below deck, all of the men on the boat had been posted on the small ship’s deck with their weapons in hand and cannons readied. Guard duty. It was a good idea.

  They had abducted a supernova. In theory there were the marines to worry about, bounty hunters, the captive’s crew, possible rivals. In actuality, there was just me, who had no problem taking out a dozen mediocre pirates. If not for the intelligence of their captain, no doubt these buffoons would have perished long ago.

  I headed below deck for the bilge for the hold. I stopped at the top of the hatch, hearing a deep voice coming from down below.

  “How’s it feel, Trafalgar, to know that I’m going to put you through the same hell that you’ve inflicted on so many others?”

  I lifted the hatch just enough to peer down into the hold. Law was sitting on the floor, his arms chained up over his head.  He was beat up. His lip was busted, and a bruise was forming around his left eye. He was shirtless, revealing the beep bruising on his abdomen.

  Hovering over him was a large brutish man. At first glance, I would’ve just assumed that he was all brawn no brain, but he had managed not only to track down Law, but to abduct him as well. It was an impressive feat.

  He’d played it smart and waited until Law and his crew were comfortable in a tavern. Law had only had a few, before leaving, while the rest of the lot continued to enjoy the booze, food and women. The brute had snuck up on the Surgeon of Death and knocked him out, before dragging him to the docks, where his ship was located. The crew had quickly left the docks and headed out to see, unaware that I had snuck aboard. The brute wasn’t the only smart one.

  He seemed pretty tough. He would make a nice reward for my efforts tonight. Once I freed Law, I was going to have some real fun.

  I didn’t remember the brute, but he obviously knew us or at least Law. The melodramatic monologue that I was listening in on, was filled with promises of vengeance and retribution, not something that you’d hit a stranger with.

  He had a knife in his hand, undoubtedly to cut Law’s heart out. I was undecided on whether it was poetic or ironic. It depended on how emotionally invested you were in the situation. It was a fairly short blade, long enough to puncture the heart, but not so deep that I had to worry about him

  Law said nothing in response, staring down at his lap the entire time.

  “Look at me, when I’m talking to you!” the Brute snapped, grabbing Law’s chin and forcing him to look up.

  Law’s usual smirk was absent, a far more sarcastic and sinister one in its place.

  I couldn’t help, the grin that tugged at the corner of my lips. He knew I was there.

  His smirk set the guy off. He brought the knife down, driving it into Law’s chest between the third and fourth rib. In addition to piercing the heart, the brute had to have damaged the costal cartilages, based on the angle of entry and the width of the blade.

  I should have intervened earlier. I should have prevented the injury from occurring, but I was momentarily frozen. The part of my brain that said, keep Law safe was drowned out by the part that reveled in his suffering.

  It wasn’t a sexual thing. I didn’t get off on the pain of others. It would be easier to explain that way. Sexual sadism seemed to be easier for people to comprehend than sadistic personality disorder. It was euphoric in its own sense, stimulating my brain like a drug. The feeling I got from seeing people hurt, watching them suffer and ultimately break was indescribable. Words didn’t do it justice.

  The man used a serrated knife, which ripped through the flesh as opposed to slicing through it. The same went for the cardiac tissue beneath. The serrated edge sawed into the cartilage.

  Law’s pained cry rang out through the ship with only me and the brute to hear it.

  I couldn’t help, but stare at the scene in front of me. Law’s muscles tensed and involuntarily, causing him to writhe in place, wrists pulling against the sea stone cuffs. A sheen of sweat quickly developed over his skin, and crimson ran from the newly created wound in his chest.

  Law was strong, resilient, calculating and composed. Very rarely did anyone ever get the jump on him. Sea kings sure. The weather definitely, but not people. I had never seen his composure shattered like this.

  It was a beautiful sight.

  The brute retracted his knife, causing Law to yell out again.

  He looked down at Law, with a victorious gleam in his eye. “You took my brother’s heart. Now I’m taking yours, you sadistic bastard.”

  If it had been anyone else, I would’ve just sat there and enjoyed the show, watching as the knife tore through the flesh, sawing through the costal cartilage, listening to the crunch of bones breaking as the brute broke ribs to get to the heart. But it wasn’t anyone else.

  It was Law. Law, who I owed a great debt to. Law, who gave me a place in this world. Law, who made me feel as if I belonged. Law, I had already failed with my moment of weakness, my hesitation.

  I had eaten the pocket pocket fruit, which gave me access to a pocket dimension. With a poof of blood red smoke, I could send items to and summon items from that space, including supplies, treasure, weapons and even people. I often used that ability to teleport so to speak, poofing into my dimension from one spot and poofing myself out in another.

  I poofed myself into my pocket space, grabbing a bullhook and poofing back out, behind the brute. I swung the hook around, the hook piercing his cheek and yanking it back. It ripped through the flesh and hooked itself on his ramus. I caught him off guard. He couldn’t properly balance himself, when I yanked back on the hook hard. I knocked him through a bunch of crates that were serving as a makeshift table in the center of the room.

  “Let’s get something clear here,” I started, standing over the brute.

  I unhooked the bullhook from his jaw and cranked back, before driving it into his bicep. He cried out in pain, a sound that delighted me to no end.

  “I’m the only one, who has my captain’s heart.” I put my left hand out, poofing the organ into it. I tossed it back towards Law, so that it landed in his lap.

  I hit the brute with the handle of my bullhook, knocking him out for the time being. I patted down the brute finding the key for the cuffs on Law’s wrists. I pulled it out of one of his pockets and walked over to my captain, carefully unlocking them and releasing him.

  I poofed the necessary supplies out of my pocket space and knelt down in front of him, quickly examining him. The bruises were simply that bruises. There were no underlying injuries, at least that I could tell. It appeared that the brute had made sure that Law suffered no serious injuries, save for the chest wound.

  Law raised his hand uttering, “Room.”

  “Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked, sounding understandably irritated.

  I poofed a scalpel into my hand, handing it over to Law. “I was,” I admitted.

  “Was?”

  “I snapped out of it.”

  Law popped the heart in his chest out. I took a look at it. It had been punctured, but not deeply. It was enough to be fatal, if not attended to immediately, but that was none of my concern. I turned and lobbed it at the brute, hitting him square in his half-shredded face with it.

  “You did,” he conceded. “Though we still have work to do on your discipline.”

  I was relieved. He was okay.  If he was already using this experience as a measurement of my self-control, something that we had been working on since we met, then he was fine.

  “He didn’t hit any major blood vessels, nor the lung, but he did hit the costal cartilage connecting your third and fourth ribs to your sternum. The muscle has obviously been lacerated, as has the skin. I lifted his heart up off of his lap and carefully slotted it into the hole in his chest.

  At this point there weren’t many of Law’s organs actually in his body, the important ones at least. They all resided in specialized cases with in my pocket dimension.

  “You did well,” he said. “I can take it from here.” Using the supplies that I summoned and his fruit, he repaired the injury fairly quickly, the only sign, being a short line of stitches underneath a bandage.

  Remind me, when we’re back at the island, and we’ll take inventory of your stock.”

  I nodded. He stood up, groaning a bit at the soreness, while I packed everything up and returned it to my space.

  Law walked over to the brute. He had to be hurting. There was nothing we could do about the cartilage. It had to heal on its own. Each breath had to be painful.

  He waved something under the brute’s nose. Only when the large man woke up, did I realize what they were, smelling salts.

  I peered at Law curiously, not sure what it was he was planning, but sure that whatever it was wasn’t going to end well for the brute.

  He pushed himself back, trying to get away from Law, but ran into a wall.

  “You think I’m sadistic,” Law said to the brute. “You have no idea what sadism really looks like.”

  “Do whatever you want,” Law told me.

  I smirked.  I looked at the side of the brute’s face that I had torn through. My expression switched to one of petulance. “I rushed that side.” I stalked towards him. “But this one I’m going to do properly.”

  I swapped out my bullhook for a club, swinging it around and striking the brute in the chest. The wall behind him cracked. He coughed, trying to breathe, having the wind knocked out of him. I switched out my club for another scalpel, using the sharp blade to nick the corner of the brute’s mouth.

  “Ratchet-ya, what have I told you about using medical instruments to play your games,” Law scolded.

  I looked over my shoulder and gave Law a wide grin showing how not-sorry I was.  “Thank you, Ratchet for saving my ass,” I teased, knowing that despite this situation we were on the same ground as usual.

  I swapped the club out for a heavy metal pillar. I lifted it, dropping it onto the brute’s shin. With a satisfying crack, his tibia and fibula both snapped.

  That crack was nothing in comparison to the anguished cry that left his mouth. The nick I had made at the corner of his mouth, was pulled apart further.

  My heart rate quickened, and a pleasant tingle traveled up my spine. It was a struggle to keep my composure. The game ended if they passed out. It was about maintaining a delicate balance. Inflict enough pain for it to be fun, but not so much that they passed out or died. It was a delicate balance but one that I had mastered. I had only intended to go until both sides of the brute’s mouth matched, but I had gone overboard, caught in the cadence of his screams, the fear and pain in his eyes, his feeble attempts to speak, pleading for me to stop.

  Two hours later and the smell of blood was thick in the air. The substance coated the brute, pooled on the floor beneath him. He was still. All the fight had drained out of him. The defiance was gone. There was nothing left but fear and pain. I kneeled down, so that I was eye level with the big man. “You know what the best part of this is?” I asked. “That you’re not going to die.” I laughed. “We’re going to take this ship back to port. My captain and I are going to head back to our inn. I’m going to shower, and think about every last one of those delectable noises you made for me. Tomorrow, we’re going to leave, and on our way out, someone’s going to alert the local authorities to your condition. By the time they stitch you back together and set your bones, we’ll be gone, and you’ll have to spend every day living with the reminders of what happened here.

  “But it’s okay, because it gives you a chance to do some good. See I’m sure you think this is the part, where I warn you never to tell a soul about who did this, but that’s not the case. I want you to tell everyone that Ratchet the Hatchet did this, and that I’ll do it all over again to anyone, who even thinks about harming my captain.

  “You understand?”

  He made no effort to move.

  I grabbed his face. “Do you understand?” I repeated slowly.

  The brute nodded.

  “Good.”

  I stood up and poofed into my pocket dimension, taking a few moments to clean myself up and change into a new set of clothes, before poofing to the bridge, where Law was manning the helm. He was still shirtless, but otherwise clean. I handed him one of his shirts I had stored.

  “You done?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I answered, a dopey grin on my face. I was still riding my high. “Too bad about the rest of them. If their big bad captain squealed like that, I can only imagine what they would’ve done.”

  “Ratchet-ya, you would’ve killed them and then been disappointed.”

  “True,” I agreed. “You okay?” I asked.

  “I would be better, if you hadn’t waited until after he stabbed me in the chest, before taking care of him.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I was weak. I couldn’t help it. It was like you told me I could only have vegetables for dinner and then someone set a big juicy T-bone right in front of me. I was tempted.”

  “And you gave into that,” Law shot.

  “I took one bite, and I enjoyed it,” I admitted shamelessly. “One of the steaks I’ve ever had in my life. But then I went and tossed it out.”

  “Considering, where we began with your blood lust, you’ve come a long way,” he sighed. “And I know that it must be difficult, considering that I don’t remove the temptation all together. We’ll have to work more on it.”

  I nodded.

  He shook his head at me, the corners of his mouth pulling upwards. “What am I going to do with you.”

  I knew that I was in the clear this time.

  “You know you still haven’t thanked me,” I joked. I knew I wasn’t actually going to get a “thank you” out of him, considering that I let him get stabbed.

  “I let you have your fun.”

  I scoffed. “That wasn’t just for me. You know as well as I do, that you let me do that, because you wanted revenge on him, because he embarrassed you.”

  “I’m not embarrassed.”

  “Really? Not at all? Big bad Trafalgar Law got captured by some second-rate pirate out for petty revenge? Doesn’t make you want to get back at him? To cut a smile into his face? To shatter his bones and rip out his finger nails? To cut off his fingers, and blow out his ear drums? To-”

  I was cut off by Law’s lips on mine. There were few things that surpassed the thrill I got inflicting pain upon others, and kissing Law was one of them. Torturing someone was a rush. It was a quick and intense bout of euphoria. It overtook your senses and once it was over, all you wanted was to seek that feeling, that high out again, but Law was different.

  Being with Law was a rush at first, but soon after it was like everything slowed down, and we were in our own world, floating away from everyone and everything else. He was a slow and steady warmth that spread throughout my body. When we were apart, I didn’t just want that feeling again. I needed it, whether it be from a look, a hug, a kiss, whatever. I didn’t care.

   “Thank you, Ratchet,” he said, once we parted, resting his forehead on mine.

“You’re welcome,” I replied, grinning at him.

Like it? If so check out my other stories here. I write for a number of fandoms.

[jozstankovich]

ALL THE APPRENTICE ASKS 👀👀👀

OHH DANG this is a longggg one, and I think I’m gunna split it into two posts (also bc I still need to answer the last 13 questions lol)  Some of these I decided to write little drabbles for as answers bc i’m having funnnn.  ^^

1) Your apprentice was brought along to one of themasquerades with a friend, who promptly ditched them ten minutes into it. Whathappened? How do they react?

Joss watched their friend disappear into the crowd, she said she’d only be gone for one dance, but Joss seriously doubted that.  Their friend was, well, a bit of a flirt and was already flitting from one partner to the next.  Joss rolled their eyes and moved off toward the edge of the room to wait.  So many people swirling around them in their bright costumes and masks was making them dizzy.  

Finding a relatively secluded corner, Joss plopped down unceremoniously at an empty table, resting their chin in their hands to watch the dancers on the floor.  They sighed, wishing, just a little that they had someone special to dance with.  At the sound of a throat clearing at their elbow Joss turned to see a masked figure in black, red hair spilling over his mask holding a hand out to them.  “May I have this dance?”  Joss’s eyes widened and they stared at the man’s gloved hand in front of them.  “Come on, I don’t bite.”  He flashed a roguish grin at them from under his mask.

Joss blinked, turning red to the roots of their hair, but took the man’s outstretched hand and stood.  “Uh, sure why not,” they replied, grinning bemusedly as their partner lead them out to the dance floor.

2) Does your apprentice get flustered over anything? Whatmake them flustered? Do they turn red? Stumble over words?  

Answered here ^^

3) How would your apprentice handle being so close tosomething that they desperately want, only to have it ripped away? What was it?

I thought about this one a long time, and there aren’t a lot of tangible things that Joss would want desperately. It would be more along the lines of a piece of knowledge (like who murdered Lucio) or their missing memories.  How they would handle it would involve pushing themself even harder than before to acquire what it is they want.

4) Talk about your Apprentices’ self-esteem

It’s actually pretty high.  When Joss was a kid their self-esteem was at the other end of the spectrum, mostly because of their heterochromia and just how shy they were in general, but as they grew older they began to accept themself and embrace their quirks.  Now they don’t even really give their appearance a second thought.

5) What’s one physical flaw about themselves that they hate?Do they have a reason for hating it?

“Look Uncle Les, look what I learned how to do!”  

Joss came bursting into the room, radiating excitement.  Their uncle stood, wiping his hands on a dirty cloth, and gave his full attention to the child in front of him.  “Well, let’s see it then.”

Joss held their hands in front of both eyes and when the pulled them away they grinned from ear to ear.  “Look!  Its called a glamour,” they explained with excitement.

“What’s that mean?”  Their uncle asked, confused.

“A glamour is a spell that can change any aspect of your appearance.  I can’t change my whole face or anything yet, but look at my eyes, they’re both the same now!”

Their uncle peered down at their face and frowned.  The pride in their little voice was heartbreaking.  “I liked them better before,” he said gruffly.  “They make you special.”

Joss screwed up their face and let the glamour fade.  “Tell that to the other kids,” they mumbled glancing at the ground.

“Ah what do they know!”  Their grandfather called from around the door.  Joss’s uncle ruffled their hair affectionately.  “I know its hard when you’re different from everyone else, but believe me, one day you’ll appreciate those differences.”

6) Do they have a personality shift depending upon certainpeople? Who does it change for and how so?

Somewhat yes.  Usually Joss is really kind of wrapped up in their own thoughts; quiet, reserved, and I’m loathe to say meek, it’s more like non-confrontational.  However, around Julian not only do they feed off of his flirtatious energy, but it emboldens them; gives them a confidence boost.  Joss is definitely more likely to take charge and be more open and forward around him.  

7) Talk about your apprentices’ backstory. How did they endup with the shop? What’s their relationship (or lack thereof) with theirparents? Traumatic childhood maybe?

Joss never really knew their parents.  Their mother died during childbirth and their father fell ill and passed not long after, so they were raised by their paternal grandfather and uncle.  The three of them lived on a little farm just outside of the city.  Their grandfather, who everyone knew as ‘Old Man Flynn’, farmed the land and took care of a few animals; cows, chickens, and a horse.  Their uncle Leslie was a scholar and a chemyst and herbalist.  He taught Joss about the healing properties of certain herbs and plants and in so doing influenced the type of magick they would come to specialize in.  

The shop originally belonged to Uncle Les, where he would sell his medicines and potions.  When Joss’s grandfather passed away they moved into the shop and began to operate it as partners.  When he contracted the plague he passed the ownership down to Joss because he knew he wouldn’t last much longer and he wanted to make sure they’d be taken care of when he was gone.

8) How does your apprentice express affection? Outwardly?More subtle-like?

For the most part I would say subtle.  Joss would be the type to give little gifts out of the blue; flowers or little handmade trinkets.  If a friend was upset they’d give them lots of attention and try to distract them or make them laugh.  However, if it was someone that Joss was especially close with, like Asra or Julian they’d be more outwardly affectionate with lots of physical affirmations like hugs, playing with their hair, or holding hands.  With Julian they’re extra touchy feely; gentle caresses, shoulder rubs, lots of kisses (they love kissing all his freckles), holding him while he falls asleep, etc.

9) Does your apprentice have any special abilities that youheadcanon and cannot be accurately expressed in the actual game? What are they?

Joss stood at the bar, nursing their drink and wondering how much longer a break the rowdy patrons would let them have.  A plump middle-aged woman with a very red face called out over the crowd for them to hurry it up. Apparently not much longer at all.  Joss rolled their eyes and grinned into their mug as they raised one finger above their head in a one-more-minute signal.  The crowd whooped and cheered as they chugged down the rest of their ale before grabbing their bow and fiddle and returning to the floor.

The woman who’d hollered at them caught their arm to whisper a request in their ear.  Joss grinned and nodded to the woman, quickly re-tuning their instrument before jumping into the upbeat song. They’d played it once already that night, but the crowd was so drunk they didn’t seem to care; many of them singing along loudly.

Joss was beginning to feel a little tipsy as well, but no one noticed when a note or two was off and soon the entire room was dancing and singing.  As they played faster and faster, Joss felt a heady rush; their fingers dancing over the strings while the bow in their hand took on a life of its own.  They spun in a circle as they played, their feet moving swiftly in time with the tempo, and when the song ended with a quavering drawn out note the room burst into a cacophony of drunken cheers.  Joss only took half a moment to catch their breath before jumping up on the table to start their next song.

Julian shook his head, grinning fondly at them from across the room.  Their eyes met for a brief moment and Joss’s responding smile lit up their face, making his heart beat faster.  It never failed to amuse him that despite Joss’s modest temperament, get a few drinks in them and stick their fiddle in their hand and they became the center of attention without a second thought.  

10) What does their living space look like? Is the shopmessy or clean?

The shop is meticulously organized.  The living quarters upstairs, not so much.  It’s not dirty, just messy.  Joss tends to leave clothes out and about and books scattered around everywhere.  Also, they do hate doing the dishes on a molecular level.

11) Talk about how your apprentice deals with emotions. Boththe ones they like to feel, and what they don’t like to feel.

Joss is pretty private with their emotions, preferring to deal with the unpleasant ones alone.  Especially sadness.  Joss will do just about anything to keep from being seen crying.  Happier emotions are more noticeable.  They often will wear a smile they can’t get rid, have a little extra pep to their step, and tend to hum or sing under their breath.

12) What happens when your apprentice feels upset?

Joss prefers to lock themself away, or go out for long solitary walks to cool off.  That usually works, but if they’re still mad after that, they tend to say things they don’t mean and end up feeling guilty for it.  Joss’s temper doesn’t run hot, so it takes a while for them to snap, but when they do it can be explosive.

13) What’s your apprentice like when sad? Do they get reallydepressed? Have they ever hurt themselves out of sadness?

When sad, they prefer to be alone to cry it out, but Joss isn’t prone to depression, and has never harmed themself because of it.  However, if they do find themself sad for long periods of time they usually push themself to keep busy in an attempt to distract themself from the pain and work through it.

14) A small hand-mirror has been sold to your apprentice.When they look into it, it shows their greatest fear come to life – conscious orsubconscious. What is it and how does your apprentice react?  

Taking a different route home from the docks Joss passed a series of drab shop fronts off the beaten path.  Sunlight glinted off something in one of the windows, catching their eye and bringing them to a halt to take a closer look. Their curiosity piqued, Joss decided to enter the dim shop for a second.  Inside, bookshelves lined the walls, stocked with leather bound tomes of every size and age, and the glass encased counters held all sorts of nick knacks of questionable authenticity.  As Joss leaned over the glass to get a closer look a withered crone appeared from behind a faded curtain in the back.  “Ahhh see something that catches your interest?” she croaked, planting bony hands on hips.

“Uh, no,” Joss squeaked, straightening quickly.  The shopkeeper chuckled at their reaction.  “I know who you are, and I doubt you’ll find anything of much interest to you in there,” she murmured mysteriously.  Joss raised an eyebrow, but the woman didn’t elaborate.  Instead she beckoned for them to follow her as she slipped back behind the curtain.  Joss followed hesitantly, but the back room held a far different aura.  

“Now these, these are magicakal items more suited to a witch of your caliber.“  Joss opened their mouth to object, but the crone silenced them with an absent wave of her spotted hand before displaying several trinkets -  nazars, and totems by the look of them.  As she spoke Joss’s eyes wandered, stopping on an ornate, if tarnished silver hand mirror.  The shopkeeper followed their gaze, trailing off mid-sentence and swooping in to offer the mirror to Joss.  

“What does it do?” Joss asked, running their fingers over the etched surface.

“There are larger more powerful magic mirrors out there, but this one, alas, can only show one thing.”  The old woman paused for dramatic effect.  “This mirror shows you your deepest, darkest fear.”

Joss turned the mirror over, a strange compulsion gripping them, and stared into their reflection with wide eyes.  For a long moment nothing happened; only their two coloured eyes staring back at them.  Then the mirror’s surface began to darken and Joss found they couldn’t look away.  Images flashed before them, each one worse than the last, tearing at their heart.  An angry mob, a gallows under a cloud darkened sky, Nadia’s stoney face looking down from on high with a distraught Portia at her side, guards leading in a prisoner in shackles, Julian’s frightened face searching for them in the crowd as the hangman coils the rope around his neck.  Their eyes meet and his lips move, I’m sorry.  

Joss squeezed their eyes shut, shoving the mirror back at the crone with trembling hands before they could see any more.  They’d already seen how it would end too many times in their nightmares.  “I’m sorry, I- I have to go.”  Joss mumbled incoherently as they half ran for the door, feeling suddenly claustrophobic in the cramped, dark back room, their heart hammering in their chest.  The shopkeeper watched them go with an unreadable expression on her face as she absent-mindedly stroked the edge of the mirror with a gnarled finger.

[insearchofgatherings-blog]

Full Brightness

One

I always took the train to London.

I made up excuses to my many friends with an affinity for swiftness by air. The train took you to the centre, not to Gatwick. Once you factor in the airport bus, it’s probably faster than flying. I like having a table, not a flimsy piece of plastic. Babies don’t scream from decompression. And even the most absurdly hypocritical (for myself), but would always strike a nerve with my environmentally obsessed peers – “the train is electric; flying is one of the biggest consumers of fossil fuels”. I was never one to truly put the environment above my convenience, but I loved how that one shut them up.

But the real reason was one of my few irrationalities – I just have a romantic connection to rail. I love the sound, the views, the ability to wander around, the automated machine coffee that they serve to you in a little paper bag as if it compensates for the taste. Flying is clinical and cold. Airports are places of fear and anxiety; train stations are places of long farewells and slow departures.

They say that for important people, time is everything, and commuting must be as quick as possible. It can’t cut into their important meeting time or their important coffee time or their important phone call time. But glancing around Coach F I can see more men in suits and women with short hair on phone calls than any 50 quid Manchester to London RyanAir flight.

I liked to imagine that they were CEOs and COOs and Chairmen and Chairwomen and that my irrationalities of train travel were also found in highly successful people. I bet Vice would write an article about that. These 10 Weird Habits of CEOs Will Amaze You. Probably more Buzzfeed than Vice. I don’t really read any of that, but the headlines pop up in my feeds against my will on an almost daily basis. A morbid curiosity into which of my friends like them has kept me from blocking the sites completely. But in reality, Phil sitting next to me is just an underling, a scrapper.

He’s set up in the most bizarre way, with one of those tablet-come-laptops propped on the table, wired into the solitary mains plug between our seats. It has a small fold-out keyboard, one that looks like a fake child’s play-toy, without even tangible buttons to press, just marked out character zones to tap on. But despite taking a six or seven-minute interval to retrieve all of this, he’s responding to his emails by phone, the tablet-laptop left unattended as he single-fingers his way through family summons and requests for documents.

A few years back I had made wearing sunglasses at all times part of my core existence. I think it originally started as a joke, but they quickly became something I was uncomfortable without, to the point where I collected three or four pairs of £2 Primark trash lenses just in case I couldn’t locate them when leaving the house. It had nothing to do with the sun, or even general aesthetics. And to this day, I’m not convinced that anyone else has those reasons either. Sunglasses hide your soul, and they allow you to look into the souls of others. It almost feels like a superpower - the ability to look at people, to see every nuance of their movement, expression and emotion, whilst never intruding them with the uncomfortable insecurity of knowing you are watched.

I had been reading Phil’s emails and texts for nearly an hour now, and he was none the wiser. What first caught my eye was the rather absurd signature on his phone emails – “Sent from My Phil’s iPhone X”. I liked to imagine it was a power move. A subtle humblebrag about how busy he is, and that yes, he did have time to respond to your enquiry, but only on his phone and with minimal effort given to email formalities.

I had the window seat. Forward-facing, with a table. The trifecta, as I called it. Trains aren’t like airlines, who charge you out the nose for any sort of upgrade in comfort. If you book it far enough in advance, all you have to do is check the boxes and more often than not you’ll get it. Occasionally, if it was one of the trains that came through from Inverness or Aberdeen beforehand, there would be someone in my window. I took no pride in booting them out, but it was a necessary evil to be able to endure the tough stretch between Peterborough and London when the carriage that began at 20% capacity now stretches to over 100.

I found that as long as you tuck a bag of necessities underneath the seat and go to the toilet beforehand, the four and a half hours is more than tolerable without being able to move. And spreading out while there are no coinhabitants in your compartment detracts fellow spreaders from joining you, only those with few possessions dare sit next to me when I’m at full spread. Still, I do look forward to the return journey, when the carriage capacity inverts, and the final stretch north of Newcastle is completed in a near-empty space with ample room to fire books across the full four-seater and go for exploratory wanders to the closing café car.

I had my laptop out, full brightness. I liked to believe that other people were as nosy as I was, and were constantly looking at what I was working on. I worked best in these environments – cafes, trains, even libraries. My personal penchant for procrastination seemed to disappear as soon as someone else could see what I was working on. It was a touch pathetic, no doubt, but I reasoned that as long as it worked for helping productivity, I was fine with the superficial reasoning.

I always wanted to seem more important and more busy and more creative than I actually was. No scrolling through social media, no films or TV, no reading the news. Just work, or perhaps something that looks mysteriously creative. I wanted the person next to me to think I was a genius or a savant or something above my natural ability. I had dozens of excel spreadsheets that looked like chaotic labyrinths of formulae, and despite their true use being quite simple, the look is all that mattered.

I had opened one that I wasn’t even going to work on today. It had several columns involving a calculation of individual standard deviations, which always requires several formula-heavy helper columns, packing it right out with numbers and increasing its aura of complexity. In reality, it was a spreadsheet that compared cafés across towns in England. Manchester was still winning.

It had been open for about 20 minutes, and I hadn’t touched it, nor even come up with a plan of what I was attempting to do. It was there as a placeholder for other, less sophisticated forms of computer-based procrastination.

I liked to remind myself occasionally that it was okay to shelve productivity and just look out the window for a while because otherwise, my obsession with the forward-facing window was almost pointless. The passing of a train through countryside is oddly captivating, and you can find yourself getting lost in the never-ending flow of towns and farms and animals and power plants and small stations that pass too quickly for your eyes to register the name on the sign. The East Coast Main Line was my regular, but occasionally if I could justify the extra hour, or if the advance ticket turned out cheaper, I’d take a West Coast train just for a change of scenery.

Sophie wasn’t happy that I was taking the train, but I refused to budge. Arriving in at Heathrow at 0500 this morning, a first-thing flight meant I could meet her there, at the airport, at around 7 or 8. A train meant I’d be in at midday at the earliest, and at King’s Cross, not Heathrow. I’m only there for two days, she insisted. Come on, gotta make the most of it. I told her I had already booked. A lie.

I hadn’t seen Sophie in nearly two years, since she vanished to Australia in search of some lost youth. There’s a special visa that they give for ‘young people’ to ‘experience the world’ that lasts for two years. I seem to recall that her haste to leave was brought about by the realisation that, at 29, she was about to miss the cut-off for eligibility.

Her long-awaited return to the UK being only two days told us more than enough about her trip away. She didn’t want it to end or couldn’t go back to England or some endless combination of clichés that seems to possess those who go outside their comfort zone ten years too late. Summoning the girls for a girls’ weekend epitomized this neo, post-crisis Sophie perfectly, because a quick glance at the group of six invited (and three further declined) showed a list of people that had probably never all been in the same room at the same time. I knew all of them to varying degrees, but none as closely as Sophie, and I’d wager the majority of the party felt similar.

It all made sense when Emma mentioned that there was a man now. My mind went off at this news. If I wasn’t already interested in this ‘girls weekend’ for general anthropological reasons, the news that the biggest misandrist and most publicly gay member of the group of queers that ‘the girls’ seemed to be loosely constructed from had now straightened up and got a man was so tantalizing I could taste it.

It also, less importantly, explained the brevity of the weekend. All the couldn’t stand going homes and man, fuck Englands and other clichés are normally abandoned when people return home and realise they don’t have much choice, but the talk on the channels is that this man is Portuguese, and that is where they’re leaving Australia for, London just being a stopover.

Everything about this seemed so hilariously, laughably, unbearably straight. I had always known that Sophie’s publicly overt lesbianism was a cover for something more complex and further along the spectrum, but she would never be seen dead admitting to sleeping with men in her university years, let alone running off to some country she’d never been to with one. Even the notion that this group ever was the girls and ever did things like girls' nights is nonsense. It reeked of something she’d spun her new man, trying to pass as a regular old straight who didn’t attend protests fortnightly just for the thrill of breaking the law.

I hadn’t even given a single thought about what Sophie might have planned for us. Emma, who no doubt had individually messaged everyone else in the entire group with the man gossip, spun off a list that I promptly ignored. I didn’t like going into events like this with expectations. I wanted the drama to slap me in the face, to take it head-on. And boy I needed some of that drama.