#all this to say yea maybe im not a girl but also it doesn't always bother me/I can just not think about it...but will that eventually burst

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 1 - the gc birth

in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends

or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28

__

THE GLADE

[ 7:45 PM ]

alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally

alby: Hello, guys.

minho: wtf is this

newt: uhhhh

tommy: hi :3

y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private

gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number

newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n

tommy: oh that’s y/n?

alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??

newt: yea

tommy: o.O

y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao

tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????

y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p

newt: lmao

minho: ik he smug as fuck rn

not u asking for a girls number lmao simp

newt: stop

y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it

plus you guys are friends irl so idk

it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh

minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n

we play games all the time

call all the time

we even send packages and shit

you’re very much considered our irl friend

y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺

tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️

minho: the heart eyes are crazy

but yes dude

newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you

minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO

but real ig

y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE

hahahahha

HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR

I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER

gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys

minho: gally sleeps in the corner

gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion

y/n: cherry blossom mansion*

gally: and you sleep in a shed

y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.

tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰

y/n: love you tommy <3333

minho: that’s actually nasty stop now

y/n: u mad ur unloved

i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((

newt: aw it is

minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord

alby: I’m done with Discord.

newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate

minho: mate 💀💀

british people so crazy

alby: Yes maybe..

I don’t want to make another.

y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to

minho: LMAO REAL

alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)

minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀

newt: minho admitting he’s jobless

minho: you work at a library be so fr rn

newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.

gally: LMFAOOOOOOO

minho: stfu :////

y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY

tommy: YAAAY!!!!

im going to text you guys all day

tell you every meal

every thought

every interaction will be meaningful and glorious

newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that

minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit

why not just do it before in the discord ??

tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..

y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy

newt: ok second thought that’s fine

minho: .

gally: that’s wild.

y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST

newt: first with what

y/n: say what u ate today

newt: didn’t say i’d do it.

tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333

you guys next

minho: that’s all you had bro..

y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D

minho: ??????? BRO

how are you guys alive

y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking

newt: please eat and drink water.

like for real and document it

y/n: ok wait

there

tommy: yum!

minho: y/n..

newt: cereal does not count

y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY

im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare

newt: alright what do you want?

y/n: wym?

newt: like if you could pick.

minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it

i like it go on.

tommy: i want chick fil a

minho: i knew you hate the gays

tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????

y/n: ugh that does sound good

mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch

newt: that’s what you would order?

y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh

newt: ok

minho: that’s it?

i thought soemthing would happen

tommy: me too

like a spell! magic 🪄

y/n: sigh

my cereal tastes bad now

newt: well it is cocoa puffs.

minho: L cereal

y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG

minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L

newt: you're annoying minho

minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that

newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying

minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday

newt: ???

myself

and i paid for yours too

im the one with an income

minho: .

well i didnt think youd remember that well.

newt: it was literally yesterday.

minho: yeah but ur old

newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

minho: yeah but im ���✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔

tommy: guys stop fighting

newt: we aren't fighting

maybe this gc was a bad idea

tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!

y/n: NOOOO!

tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl

y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was

y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.

wait there is a knock at my door im scared

newt: answer it

minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????

newt: well usually yes

y/n: no im not expecting company

newt: just do it pls

y/n: ok :D

minho: bruh..

i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt

newt: why would you want that

minho: bc she owes me money

newt: YOU owe ME money

minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux

tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE

y/n: :o....

tommy: Y/N?????????

OH GOD THEY GOT HER

minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got

tommy: clearly its a surprised face

maybe its not her

its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use

y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!

minho: me

newt: you literally did not

minho: shut up

y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt

newt: well

y/n: :(

newt: what why are you sad?

minho: im hungry too

y/n: u spent ur money :(

newt: you're hungry are you not?

minho: she's not but i am

y/n: yeah but..

i feel bad you shouldn't have

newt: just eat it or i'll be mad

minho: i think i want red lobster

newt: it's really no big deal y/n

y/n: thank you newt :(((((

newt: you're welcome

go eat and watch ur show or smth

minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving

newt: can you shut up

gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.

minho: thank god

newt: good

tommy: good

y/n: good

the food is good too <3

newt: good.

_

lmk if you want to be tagged!

[fishsprout]

SPLATOON 3 NINTENDO DIRECT SIDE ORDER ITS HAPPENING ITS HAPPENING OH MY GOD

okay. analysis time

MY GIRL AAHHH SHES BACK!! okay SO. inkopolis square. but dead. its a bleached coral forest basically. there seems to be this sorta of,, electricity thing going on throughout the trailer that we can see on the lobby tower. overall looks dope as hell

WE HAVE THE FULL FIT!! FOR BOTH GENDERS!! okay first of all what are those ink tanks? sorta looks like those IV bags. same with the outfit,, the shoes sorta look like casts and the clothes look like some sort of sensory deprivation tank suit. a lot of medical vibes going on from the white color and everything. i love it

PEARL BOT! no questions about it, marina definitely made this for her (the wives :D) its interesting that pearl isn't actually there (marina isn't either, ill talk more about my theory later) but she can still talk to us through this robot. also love how marina added the sliding eyebrows to make it more expressive LMAO

i love how we can ride pearl bot as well. i think this will be an important feature, wonder if we can control her when this happens :O

okay what are these? i think the first one on the left is a mem cake, not really sure what the others are though

okay im seeing a theme of electricity and we can see in the background it sort of glitching, so i think side order might a simulation or something. the huge orb in the middle is definitely some fucked up zapfish (where you end the level im assuming), but its glitching and then a ton of the skeleton creatures come out of it

it looks like a ton of dead fish (dedf1sh...?),, we havent seen any octolings that you need to fight yet so these seem like the new enemies replacing them for side order. though i do wonder if we'll ever encounter an evil octoling (or inkling or salmonid, who knows) also are these an entire new species? or just some simulation creature

i also love how instead of ink, its the same electricity we've been seeing used to summon the weapons. this whole realms creation definitely has something to do with marina since its side order and its super technologically advanced

okay WOA numbers. definitely something marina would implement. i don't have much to say about this but yea, im loving the tech-y themes going on. it also seems like pearlbot is helping you fight these guys since she is shooting lasers at them. if she's sorta like small fry, i wonder if we will ever get to use her as a bomb, or if she is automatic

also its confirmed that the octoling is indeed agent 8! i was like 90% sure but im glad its definite

okay the biggest thing about this trailer, DEDF1SH!!!!!!!!!

"just another bystander who got sucked in." what sucked them in? my theory is that marina somehow trapped them in a simulation she made of a world thats orderly- maybe she made it after the final fest?or is this an already existing place? maybe some whirlpool was created after octo expansion and this place exists under inkopolis square?

SHE HAS A NAME!!! ACHT!!!! also i am so glad all of the fan theories were correct and she isn't evil, just still partially sanitized. i wonder if that will be a factor in the story? more dedf1sh lore?

her glasses are different! since she doesn't have the hypno shades anymore she prolly has much more awareness now since she isnt being brainwashed, though she is still sanitized- but i think the music is counteracting the effects of that since shes a dj and shes always wearing headphones

also why is her arm bandaged? what happened to her? also all this time i thought she was wearing a tshirt LMAO

i am a huge dedf1sh fan and i have quite a few theories about her, so i hope she is an important character in the story of side order and we get some backstory

ESPECIALLY ABOUT HER HISTORY WITH MARINA!! they are both djs so that probably is important, but i am really excited to learn more about them. i think marina mightve gone missing and we are looking for her too?

the color chips seem to be like, stat boosts? and also 8 started to gain color once you add them! its sorta like deep cut's colored fingers. wonder if this will be a new feature after the dlc! i loveee customization options

this seems to be the respawn animation which !?!?!? IS SO COOL!?!?!

i have no idea what this is but. oh my god. i am so excited for this. its happening.

[manwiththemagic]

spn s1 ep2 "wendigo"

THATS RIGHTTTTT!! more notes for my lil rewatch thingy.. man I love this show 😭

i love the grimey lighting!! Like slay I can't see shit!!

You can almost always tell how lore based an episode will be based on what it starts with.. like it's starting with random men in woods + death so filler! A monster of the week kinda thing!!

Which also makes me wonder why when Sam and Dean were kids John would be on a hunt for weekssss. Like it can take Sam and Dean a couple of days man??

Why are these kids camping if they're just gonna be on their phones?? Most boomer writing ever. WHICH REMINDS ME DEAN IS GEN X BRO.. and jack is gen alpha😨

bro these guys are DUMB. *Friend screaming in woods* *mild concern*"uhhh brad? What's going on?" IDK A BEAR ATTACK?? GET UP FREAK.

a poca shell necklace?? makes sense. I'm glad these MFS are dying and being kidnapped.

ALSOOO wendigo?? Hannibal reference?? Jkjkjk... UNLESS? no jk..

dangit moving into emotional territory. GAHHHHH JESS ☹️. she deserved better tbh.

���i should have protected you.. should have told you the Truth..” BABY NOOOO!! you couldn't have known :(((

Oh shit it was a nightmare. Forgot he had those. Tbh Sam's visions were one of my favorite plots in the entire show!! up there with demon blood, creepifer, godstiel, hallucinations, and everything to do with Jack kline.

“another nightmare?” DAD DEAN WINCHESTER I TELL YA!!

“you want to drive for a bit?” he doesn't know how to help Sam so he's like "well driving my car makes ME happy sooooo—" and honestly? Good effort pal

“im fine” ARE YOU SAM? ARE YOU.

why are they acting like John will know what killed Jessica?? He doesn't know what killed Mary dude 💀 AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY HE'S MISSING. (it's because he's on the demons trail but still..)

"so black water ridge is ther—" “dude check out the size of this freaking bear!!” HELPPPP!! Dean stay on track man— HOLY SHIT THATS A BIG BEAR. NEVERRRRMINDDD.

sams side eyes LMAOOO. "Why is he talking about this bear??"

Ranger guy really just handed out private info to these random guys because they said they were some girls friends..

“why do we even need to talk to this girl???” Sam chill out 😭

“so maybe we can know what we're walking into before we walk into it???” LMAOOOO YOU TELL EM DEAN!!

Sam has had a complete character swap and I love it. He just wants to find John, and kill whatever killed Jess. And Dean is slightly tweaking bc Sam is acting SOOOO careless 😭

“since when are you all 'shoot first, ask questions later'??” “since now.” DEAN DON'T SMILE AT THAT. SAM IS NOT ACTING HEALTHY.. just because you act like that doesn't mean Sam should too lil bro 😭

WAIT HOLYSHITHOLYSHIT!!!!! ON THE FAKE ID DEAN SHOWS THE GIRL IT SAYS SAMUEL COLT!! LIKE THE LEGEND. THE MAKER OF THEEE COLT GUN. THE MAKER OF THE TRAP TO THE GATE OF HELL IN S2/3 GAVNS HOKY SHITTTT!! REFERENCE!!

why is it that whenever Dean is about to 'hit it' or yk pull a women he looks at Sam with a smug smile. Like.. "look Sammy. She thinks I'm cool. Yeaaaaa women love me im SOOOOO awesome! 😼" If you were so cool you wouldn't be desperate for your little brothers validation.

codependent siblings meet codependent siblings.

“our parents are gone. It's just me two brothers and me, we keep pretty close tabs on each other..” Literally kid Sam and Dean core.

So this girl is all like "yea guess I'll see you out in the woods then. I'm gonna find em. I have too" and deans all like "I know how you feel.." DO YOU? who actually cares about John bro..

Nerd Sam finds shadows on bad video. Dean is wayyy to proud of him dude😭 it's honestly kinda sweet.

STOP HARASSING SAD OLD PEOPLE 😭😭 last episode with the guy with a dead wife and kids, this episode with a guy who saw his parents murdered and got mauled by a "grizzly bear" LIKE LEAVE THEM ALONE BRO😭😭

holy shit that scar is so bad. I'd cry.

“its corporal..” "stfu nerd what does that even mean??" "Its—" "blah blah, which means we can kill it! It's corporal." HE JUST SAID THAT DEAN..

sams kinda right.. it's dangerous for this girl to go with you, but deans also right.. she's gonna go no matter what.

LMAO COOL IT ON THE SASS SAM. “finding dad's not enough?? Now we gotta babysit too??” HELPPPP

Dean why are you looking so OKSY WITH THIS. Sam is clearly not right in the head bro😭 all he's thinking is "Sam's acting all tough like me 😼 kinda being a dick but we don't know these people so idrc"

“and your hiking in biker boots and jeans?” “well honey I don't do shorts 😒💅” HES SO ICONIC!!

this Roy guy is dumb. Like they're (in your perspective) rangers, they know what they're doing chill out. Obviously they know how dangerous the woods are??

and another one bites the dust.. RIP RANDOOOOO

dean finally met his snarky match.. “say uhh.. those critters ever hunt you back?” *gets yanked still.* “whatcha doing Roy?” *Roy picks up stick and disables bear trap.* “watch your step ‘ranger’”

OH MY GOD THE BROWN JACKET!! I miss the old wardrobe sm. Sam reminds me of a deer, no wonder Crowley calls him moose.

“your not rangers. Who the hell are you?” SHE CLOCKED THEMMM!! they've gotten caught twice in 2 episodes. C'mon guys. Your 2-0. losing. Or is it 0-2? Idk sports reference.

HOWEVER DON'T HATE THE DUFFLE BAG LADY. that stays for all 15 seasons. I think 😡

“besides it's probably the most honest I've ever been with a woman. ever..” HELP?? NOT A FLEX DUDE. you cannot convince me pre-series Dean had game. no way.

“what do you mean I didn't pack provisions?” THEN HE PULLS OUT A GIANT BAG OF M&M'S. ARE YOU FR??? HELSPSBSB

they are at the cords and... NOTHING. however there's no crickets so duh, obviously preds are around. Like animals not pedos. I CAN'T SPELL FAUCK

“you shouldnt go off by yourself..” “thats sweet. :)” ROY I LOVE YOU OLD MAN.

Also Ben (the kiddish brother of the girl) is listening to music in his earbuds the whole way and honestly? That's so real of him.

I love how Sam just follows dean around, ducking over his shoulder. It's kinda cute. I LOVE MY SONSS

I really don't remember much about the random man screaming but... yep they got their packs stolen. Tsk tsk tsk.

It's so obviously NOT A BEAR. bears don't commit kidnappings believe it or not!!

“so much for my gps and satellite phone :((” oh 2005, how I miss you.(I wasn't alive)

I really do like the old phones though tbh. No texting. (Even if there was, Dean probably couldn't figure it out back then)

“it wants to cut us off so we can't call for help..” “it? You mean someone. Some NUTJOB.” no Sam knows what he said Roy.

Sam dragging Dean away to speak in private omg. Dude I know these MFS are brothers, but they sneak around so much they act like a closeted gay couple. People on the road def thought that— HELL the entire bugs episode exists?? All the real estate agents were like "we sell to ALL types of people." And the second time they got hinted at being gay, Dean gave up and called Sam honey 💀💀

Finally they know what it is, even if Dean doesn't believe smarty pants sam.

sams right. These strangers?? Gotta go!!

“im trying to protect you.” “trying to protect me? I was hunting these woods when your mommy was still kissing you goodnight!” jokes on you HE DOESN'T HAVE A MOMMY!! hah! Take that!!

finally Dean talking to Sam. “no your not fine. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?” FINALLY.

“dads not here. Why are we still here?” valid point Sam! “this is why. (*Pulls out journal*)" NOOOOOOUHHHH. They treat it like it's the Bible. ITS NOT. “maybe dad wants us to take over where he left off. Saving people., hunting things. The family business.” dude. Sam is grieving over Jessica. Just let him grieve, kill the thing, and go back to law school 😭

“why doesn't dad just talk to us?” FR. I hate john.

Deans following orders, and Sam just wants to finish everything. It's kinda crazy how alike Sam and John are, but in different ways?? Idk.

Dean trying to comfort Sam but saying shit that doesn't help part 1!!

roy got nabbed. DUMBAHH

don't make Dean go into his backstory girl.. I know he looks like a pretty princess in leather but..

oh shit this IS an old show. They said 'Indian'. Which reminds me of in the bunker when Sam corrects Dean and says 'native American'. Idk if it's just because I was raised with hearing native American but calling them Indians is stupid. Like there can't be two?? And they just straight up AREN'T INDIAN?? but WTV..

ahhh yesssssssaaaa!! The cannibal lore of wendigos! reminds me of a certain gay phycologist? or uh.. wait what does he do.??? Physiatrist? WAIT—

okayyyy soooo fire? Cause wtfdym guns are useless?? damn when ARE guns useful.

why is Sam so smart. "Dawg the tracks? To obvious and clear it wants us to—"

HOLY SHIT ROY. we found him—yay???...

RUN BITCH RUNNNNNUUUUH

welp they lost Dean and Hailey.

No way the stupid product placement was actually important. Good job music kid!!

Also not part of the show but I found a pimple on my arm and YIKES the amount of puss— uh anyways..

*WARNING DO NOT ENTER* OMG let's go in here!!

like..

I mean yes they are probably in there but jesus.

okay now the boring plot.. blah blah save people, blah blah bad 2000's effects, blah blah.

Honestly the monster aspect of the monster show was kinda lacking in the first few episodes for me. I lLOVEEEE the monster stuff normally, don't get me wrong, but idk the action isn't peak rn, and we barely get to see the monster. :9

and Sam gets to drive baby!!! YIPPEE!!

[seongminiz]

jo… i’m having mattwoong brainrot again i haven’t been able to stop thinking about what u said about lifeguard!matt and country club owner!jiwoong… pls… crawling on all fours rn.. help… only if u want to talk about it tho.. 🤭🤭

ik i’m supposed to be thinking about ot9 cravity gb but i tried and. i’m overwhelmed.

- 🧁 anon

🧁 .... ofc i will talk abt it⁉️ ot9 vity can wait

let me start by saying that to me country club owner!jiwoong = dilf!jiwoong . it just makes sense .. i mean dilf!jiwoong always makes sense to me but hes just so dilf coded its insane ok im going off topic lets not

but yea so age gap warning like reader is ofc an adult but jiwoong is at the very least 10yrs older than her

so .. rich spoiled reader who is used to get everything she wants , without even needing to ask for it . except for jiwoong , no matter how many times u try to bring ur very short conversations further , or how many times u ask him to teach u to play tennis while ur wearing an even shorter skirt , he somehow manages to keep things as professional as he can .

to jiwoongs surprise too , bc he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to fuck u n put u in ur place , especially when u wear one of ur skimpy bikinis. he has to constantly remind himself how much younger than him u r , n it still doesn't completely deter him ..

n then theres matthew . matthew whos just a collateral damage of all ur attempts to seduce jiwoong , trying so hard to just focus on his job as a lifeguard when you're making it so hard for him - literally . but maybe not all hope is lost for matt , you're not oblivious to his staring n flirting back with him gives u the attention u crave so badly n jiwoong constantly fails (from ur point of view , at least) to give u , so it rlly wont take that long until u sneak into a storage closet after matthew's shift is over to suck him off n leave him wanting more ..

matthew knows hes basically putting his job on the line for a random girl who doesn't actually care abt him , but he also knows abt ur little crush on jiwoong , n his boss isn't as subtle as he thinks he is about his attraction for you - so he might risk losing his job , but his ego is fed enough he doesn't worry abt that for now .

or at least , as long as jiwoong doesn't catch u two messing around n puts him in his place :3

[frogofalltime]

25.02.2024

ough. this day was so hard. i debated even writing this, but i think keeping a daily diary has been helping me process stuff, so i'm sticking with it.

i got up around 10am and ate breakfast. i was procrastinating washing my dishes and getting dressed, when i received a sudden message from my mother.

it was extremely long, basically an essay. she had found out through her sister that i've been identifying as trans. and she was extremely upset. i won't go into details because it's very transphobic and probably triggering for anyone to read. but yea. it hurt a lot. probably more than anything else she's said in the last year.

then she called me and when i picked it up she was just sobbing into the phone. i had no idea what to say or do. she kept asking me why, saying it didn't make sense, that i was and always will be a girl. she was so happy that she had a daughter and now she feels like she's lost me. she said she doesn't know me anymore, the way i dress isn't "me", and i am making myself look ugly and trying to be something that isn't real. she said i have stepped away from islam by surrounding myself with queer non muslims who are pulling me away from the right path, and i had rejected God's guidance. that made me cry too.

i tried to explain that these things aren't black or white. my therapist told me that growing up and figuring out who you are involves trying different things and seeing if they fit or not. so when i was younger i tried to cure my gender dysphoria by presenting femininely, since i thought it was the best option i had, but it didn't fit. so now im trying the opposite, and it does feel a lot better. but she said i am being so extreme, why can't i just be Me, why do i have to have a label or call myself a boy. and i had no idea how to answer that.

she told me i can't trust how i Feel, feelings are just feelings, so i have to have faith in God. like how she doesn't feel comfortable in hijab either, but she wears it anyway because she believes it's what is Right, and that where she will end up the next life is more important than how she feels in this one.

in the end she said she had no choice but to talk to my father about this, and i begged her not to. he is a million times more homophobic and transphobic than my mother so if he finds out it will be so much worse. she told me that he would definitely find out sooner or later if i don't change my ways. so i decided to remove the pronouns from my instagram bio, block even more people, and change the captions on some posts to appear less queer.

finally she put down the phone and i was left feeling Horrible. i messaged @etherealspacejelly and my best friend from school and my childhood best friend (who is also trans). it helped me to calm down a little, although i was still panicking very much.

eventually i managed to eat some lunch and get changed out of my pyjamas, because i couldn't stand being stuck in my room alone with my thoughts. i went to my friends' house at around 4pm and they asked what was wrong so i showed them my mother's message. they were sympathetic and supportive, but i still couldn't stop thinking about what she'd said. from her perspective, everything my friends and therapist and doctor etc tell me is wrong because they don't have islam as a guide. maybe she's right. i'm terrified.

to cheer me up my friends made sure i ate, and played some games with me. i did some sewing, and we watched my neighbour totoro which is one of my comfort movies, but i couldn't concentrate.

robin said i need to be more careful because things like this keep happening. and he's right, i should've stayed closeted, but it all feels so unfair. my friends can all explore their gender identities and sexualities and express themselves in different ways, so why can't i ??

i finally left the house at 1am, because i was so tired and robin had already gone to sleep so i couldn't stay the night. also they're burnt out at the moment, i didn't want to add to that with my own burdens, so i went home. i prayed, got into bed, and tried not to cry. i think i fell asleep around 2am.

i feel so alone. honestly, it looks like my only option is to detransition. i will just have to make the best of an awful situation and live as a woman forever. i see no future where my parents will accept me being trans. even if they disowned me i don't think i could live like that. and i am so scared because my mother is right. this is not compatible with islamic teachings. and i dont know how to reconcile any of it.

[bethanysnow]

Get to know me~

Tagged by @itshannjisung

❣ Who is your favorite Kpop group?❣

These dorks! Stray Kids. I also love BTS and Block B. I haven't gotten super into girl groups yet, but I am inching my way with Itzy, Twice, and Mamamoo! If people have song recommendations please let me know!

❣ Which member sparked your interest first?

This artsy motherfucker. I saw a couple tiktok edits of this man and I needed to know why an anime character had come to life. Then I found out about SKZ, read some fanfiction, and by the time I looked up Chan had stolen me and I now am holding a wolfchan. Like you have to understand, I study art and dance and all of this stuff, I am going to school to work in museums, like this is my shtick! HE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I'VE EVER SEEN!! AND I'VE MET TOM HIDDLESTON

❣ Who was your first bias?

For stray kids its Chan, I am the mom friend, he is the dad friend and together we make a happy family.

NOW FIRST EVER BIAS?!

THIS DORK! EVERYONE SAY HI TO P.O (Pyo Ji-hoon) I love him with all of my heart, I will always be in debt to him as my first-ever Bias. I know he is an actor now BUT THIS MANS VOICE?!?! GAHHHHH He could give felix a run for his money like thats the vibe he is. Where normally hes this, like a college professor, suit-wearing dorky big grinned man and his voice is that of a rocker who smokes a pack a day

❣ Who is your current bias?

LOOK AT SASSY PANTS THINKING HES SO COOL! I-its chan guys. Im basic bitch I know. BUT LISTEN Ey ey ey, we all need a 5'7 man to tell us he thinks we're pretty. Even though he embodies being 6'1.

❣ What makes them your bias?

It is hard for me to really describe why. Not just because I picked him, or I like him the most, but being a fan of Stray Kids, meeting the people I have, all of the members but especially Chan make me want to be better. I want to be able to go up to them and say "Because of you and your inspiration, I now have achieved X" I want to participate in life and do things again. I want to go to therapy, I want to work out again and fight my eating disorder. I am creating art, and writing songs???? I've never done that before and they aren't awful! Life is brighter because Stray Kids and Chan are in it. I look at the moon every night and think of something Jin (bts) said, that its the same moon and look at it and think of him. Just these little reminders that while the world seems to feel so big and scary and nothing is going right, you are a speck on a floating rock in space. Just like them.

Also Chan says he doesn't love himself, he doesn't think hes attractive. So it makes me feel validated that maybe I'm not as ugly as I think I look??? Because if hes as prince charming as he is maybe im not as bad looking as I think I do?

❣ Who is your bias wrecker?

Uhhh all of them????? There isn't a wreck-ER its you are wrecked by all of them! It was Hyunjin for a while, now I think it's Minho??? It switches on the daily honestly??? I will take anything and anyone of them.

❣ Which member(s) are you currently obsessing over that aren't your bias/bias wrecker?

Felix/Han I love me some soft boys. Also I am 5'9, plus size, and very no-nonsense. The idea of these tiny men getting me to....do things...and uh trying to get me flustered just- yea does good for the soul. I love like reverse expectation fics? Like the big tall scary one is the subby sweet sunshine gf type and the tiny brightly colored talkative one is the super scary dominate teasing one. Its great.

❣ When did you first discover this group?

Last fall, I had just gotten out of a situationship and the band that brought me to it wasn't putting out music and I wanted to find joy again so I tried to find what I was into prior to rock music and that was kpop. Looked up groups that were popular, got back into BTS and then Stray Kids were in my recommended and the rest is history

❣ Have you ever been to one of their concerts?

No! But if they come to Washington you know I will be there. I am going to see Enhypen this month with a friend of mine though! First kpop experience

❣ What are some of your favorite songs by the group?

ITEM

Youtiful

Case 143

Red Lights

Comflex

My Universe

Tortorus and Hare

Social Path

I tag @kaciidubs @7ndipity

[evermeant]

kc rewatches the bear, episode 1.

under the cut are just gonna be my thoguhts and ramblings after rewatching this episode! don't know how coherent they will be but ppl seem to want this so!

lots to say about the little dream sequence that we see at the beginning of the bear. i think giving it one thing to represent is hard, but maybe it's about the grief. bear being carmy's nickname and the bear being the name of the restaurant they wanted to open? idk . just kinda feels like carmy is constantly trying to keep it in a cage, even if he knows it needs to be let out somehow.

love the loud frantic nature of this first episode. love that they throw you right into everything.

i also LOVE how much of a problem solver this episode shows us that carmy is. the fact that he has to get cheaper beef because of the financial situation, not only figures out how the fuck to get more, but he also figures out the exact timing of how he needs to prepare this different cut to make sure everything is ready? idk i love him

his denim!!!!! i forgot we also get to see his closet a little...... the knowledge that he knows about his denim. he has it in his fucking cabinets and his oven and his closet!!! i fucking adore him. he's giving fucking everything for this place. i want to explode

only has ramen in his cabinets as far as food goes. he is such a goober

the constant focus on the clock. feeling like it's watching him. feeling like he's running out of time? idk. IDK!!!

sydney....... MY WIFE!!!!! i love her so dearly. i also love their first meeting? carmy callling out "why tf are you here" and her responding with the exact same question. they truly have the same brain and i love it.

carmy really was the best chef in the whole united states. and i doubt anyone who doesn't have any culinary interest even knows that or believes it LMFAO

"carmen there's a girl" why did that send me

i love the lil banter between everyone that has already worked there. really ups the vibe that all of these people are incredibly close and i know they have been through a FUCK ton together because michael was always fucking shit up.

RICHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do you think richie took over before carmy got in there. because richie talks about "fucking up my system" and i just think-

ok yea richie did i forgot about the "why didnt he leave it to you then" line

also love the idea of richie being like an older brother to carmy (maybe more than michael was? idk man) and like. that being part of why he's so willing to keep richie at arms length because his other older brother hurt him so fucking badly

also........... do not...... do not TALK to me about how carmy cuts the spaghetti . do not FUCKING TOUCH ME. another way he is pushing his brother away. i thikn part of the changes is just him trying to fix things but i think this SPECIFIC one is because he is trying to get away from the pain

"it made you a gayrod" no he's always been bi richie

richie not knowing or not facing how bad the financial situation is. carmy being the only fucking one to face it. i dunno! something about how his family never faces anything and carmy is desperately trying to break that cycle!!

FAK!!!!!!

everyone else trying desperately to hold onto michael by keeping tradition vs carmy trying to get rid of him. no one wanting to deal with their grief. im really fUCKING SAD.

he got rid of the jacket mikey game him :((((((((

THE DRAWING OF THE BEAR RESTURUANT I AM UNWELL!!!!!!!!!

his knife on the floor :(((

mikey flashbacks. i am going to throw myself out of a window i think

SUGAR!!!! i love you sugar :(( i am so sorry you have the two worst brothers known to man. i am kidding. the way that carmy holds her so tight makes me want to explode. he loves his big sister so much.

sugar knowing carmy deserves better than just this run down shop that mikey was struggling to keep afloat. everyone else acting as if he doesn't know what he's doing. but she wants to get him out because she knows how talented he is!!!

"i'm gonna fix this place" "no one is asking you to" SHUT UP!!!!!!!

fak and richie. bromance of the century prove me wrong

carmy unable to relax during family dinner. he is not including himself at all. i dunno!! the fact that he doesn't know how to connect with people! everything about him just says he's scared of people. who can blame him!!!

carmy please stop getting your ass kicked

i forgot how much early season richie makes me angry LMFAO . i love him but. it does make his arc better but. idk the fact that everyone keeps telling carm that he can't do it makes me angry.

marcus you absolute beam of light !!!!!

one other thing i love about the focus on the clock is like. this show is so fast paced and yet so much time goes by in every episode. it truly lets us know how absolutely fucking intense it is to work at the beef

[deutoplasmic]

AWWW SHY SUKAI,,, i dont trust ruki with hot objects but maybe hes well practiced,,, and shion with a pencil scares me LMAODJDKDJS

yup we’ve got tons of languages!! i only know filipino though bc im from the capital city 😭 but yea we’ve been colonized by spain, the US, and japan its been rough for us. most of our precolonial history is gone and we’re still lowkey a US military asset so we’re real screwed if the US and china go to war

YEA CHINESE NETIZENS DID THE MATH ITS CRAZY the ones who allegedly got rigged in tend to differ depending on who does the math but pick i have who got rigged out is hiroto (who was in jo1’s season and also boys planet and will be debuting soon in nxd) but concerning age,,, cpop isnt too strict on that compared to kpop and jpop. theres still that age pressure ofc but cpop tends to praise people who actively go against the status quo (ie masculine female idols, lolita girls, idols like 胡烨韬 who are as androgynous as you can get) there was even a trainee in 创造营2019 who was born in 1985 and he made it to the finale. there was some criticism ofc but he was mostly praised for being brave enough to keep trying

PLSSS the only was i can justify kyosuke’s strength is that he used to sell wheelchairs lmao im sure lifting wheelchairs into cars takes some strength

junmin!! hes the oldest member of xikers (and one of the shortest lmao) hes so cute tbh hes a bit like a yorkie,,, yappy,,, tiny,,, agile,,, he sings the first chorus of do or die. his voice always sounds like that

yea unis is crazy lmao a lot of filipinos like them because they have filipinos but. other than hyeonju theyre all just so young to me

HFNDJDJDJ HONESTLY I GET YOU if i mess up that far down a project. thats between me and god now 😭 but thanks for the compliment hdnsjsjshsjs

and i gotchu if u ever need to either yap or listen!! i can do both 💪

LMAO our politicians do the same thing dw 😔

also unrelated but someone said rihi looks like wolfgang from animal crossing and now i cant unsee

listen. you can never know how old ruki actually is in this au. tbh he probably says he doesn't know but he damn well does, down to the day and all.... but ok fair :rofl: i cant remember can anyone in jo1 draw????? i can only think of rihito and hes not in jo1 LOL

that's still impressive as hell....!!!!!!!! not the colonising bit the knowing filipino bit :sweatdrop: i hear just about all that's left of old filipino mythos are just scraps which is super super sad.... and yeah no you guys are absolutely done for if that ever happens. prolly become cannon fodder or smth. yikes

DID THE MATHS LOOOOOOOL the one benefit to have been a victim of one of the world's most demanding academic systems :rofl: RIGHT i'm pretty sure china was all over 刘逸云 back in the day. but it's cool to see things like that! most of my knowledge with chinese girls in the entertainment industry are conventionally pretty feminine girls like angelababy and like 白鹿, so the more you know! also 胡烨韬 is SO PRETTY wOW??????? 1985 omg good for him :handshake: nice to see especially when the other parts of east asia think that youth is paramount lmfao.....

OFC and his history as a baseball club member. or hes just built like that. who knows. its his redemption for being in bottom 3 ini quiz score LOL

love a short king lmao and youre so right he DOES look like a mini dog. he's got a set of pipes LOL but i admit i can't really hear much about his voice bc of the distortion :sweatdrop:

wait omg i forgot about that LOL there's like 2 filipino members right. and speaking of the philippines. what is a jollibees ive heard of it but never known what it is

OFC if you cant tell its wrong that closely then theres nothing wrong at all full stop!!! average crocheting experience!!!!!

thank you !!!!!!!!!! multitalented fr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and wow i think its a trend to have incompetent politicians thats crazy :rofl:

oh my GOD actually theyre so right............. wait..................... no way.................. its actualyl him omg

[pwblogarchive]

November 2003

November 10, 2003

6:51 pm

“paris hilton sex tape”

it's so weird to be homeless. to throw the dirtiest pillow into the corner of rooms just to get by. i never write in here anymore. i don't really feel the need to anymore for some reason. words feel stuck behind my tongue and my hand. i feel ashamed of how words make me feel and sometimes i want to stay asleep forever.

maybe i'll stop by here again soon.

peter

November 13, 2003

“you feel first kiss good”

So. Portland. Thanks for the underground tunnels and sweet words. Couple of kids said they read this thing. Who wants to read about a kid who just complains and plays video games? You ever look in the mirror and say god I am so fucked up and that's okay. Thanks for taking the time to read this though I fear it maybe a waste of your eyesight. I'm doing guest reccomendations with roze harding over at absolutepunk.net this sunday, so go check it out. Then next week it'll be patrick. Then joe. You get the idea. Also I'm playing bass with less than jake during their encore. Maybe you'll see it. Who would have thought me in a ska band.

Portland has this system of underground tunnels called the shanghai tunnels. They go down from the river and port up to the basements of taverns and the local hoods used to sneak up them and kidnap people from bars, drug them and sell them to ships as sailors. They would wake up out at sea forced to work. How insane. Little bit of history. There is a good book on it by chuck palahuick. Read it. Hang out with us after shows.

'You'd think by now I would have died. I'm sorry girls I tried.'

peter

November 14, 2003

“we just played a show in vietnom during the 1970s amongst guerilla warfare tactics

it was sold out.”

things have been good. we're acutally in san frantastic right now. i was pretty upset the past few days, but today i feel a lot better. the shows have been awesome, so no complaining about that. less than jake is sound checking right now and i'm humming along.

oh yea, that baby picture to the right is me, im not sure if that was ever made clear.

November 14, 2003

“i used to compare myself but i don't care anymore”

downstairs at the warfield in SF. getting fed on tours is crazy, today we got fed twice. it means i can spend my per diems on things to fill the home i don't have. a modest mouse song is reminding me of you. ive got the ipod on shuffle but i can't mess with that kind of luck so i keep skipping to it. i think my band hates it. my mom reads this thing. its pretty rad cause i know someone back home cares and i was kind of always the "mom look at this" kinnd of kid. at the same time i figure i might have to censor it a bit, haha. california is gonna be rad, theres something about driving to the coast. i can see patrick and andy talking from here, i can't hear it. its so weird that i am paid to hang out with my friends. for the record it makes me smile when you copy the things i say, its almost cute.

the show was rad- mostly because a few kids were really esxcited to hang out and talk. it made us feel at home. sweet girls and boys. got to play with less than jake, pretty amazing.

kiss me. breathe life into my old failures. i want to feel them at the speed of light.

i got paris hilton's number. what do you got?

peter pumkin eater

November 14, 2003

8:14 pm

“i want my funeral to be a party. play all the hits and dance the night away.”

morrisey.tupac.love,love will tear us apart, yes it will. unbroken. it doesn't go the way you think it does, nothing ever does. mountain drives. scars and middle fingers. club food, club stomachaches. phonecalls that feel first kiss good. northern california nights, southern california hearts. tonight is all about we miss you.

we miss you.

November 17, 2003

“when i was young, your word was the word that always won.”

so i am writing this entry and i am not really sure what to say or whats going through my head. things only go wrong when you are a half a world away. you have to read this whole thing for it to make sense, don't start and then not finish. yesterday when we were driving to las vegas i had this bad dream that my mom had chemo and died from it. i was than woken up by a phone call from my sister who told me to call home because my grandpa had just died. we were expecting it, so this didn't completely shock me.i just feel totally fucked when i think about how sad it is for someone to die completely alone, with noone there. it makes me feel really guilty for some reason- that i am out here and living. and everytime i try to talk to anyone about anything the words get choked in my throat. don't mistake this as me asking to have you say "pete you can talk to me". i know i can, but i can't. because something is messed up inside of me. i feel stupid because this is just some dumb tour journal and i am just airing the dirty laundry and catching the unaccounted for ghosts. i don't need a shoulder, i just need to figure myself out. and the only thing that gets me through anything is my three friends in this band and 30 minutes a night we play. it makes me think about how rad my own dad is and how much trouble i give him all the time. nomatter what he is a safety net. whenever i bend he doesn't let me break and it scares me that there will be a day when might not be around. i am sitting in l.a. at one of the greatest hotels around about to play the house of blues and then go hang out with blink (it doesnt feel real and doesn't feel deserved). i'll write more later tonight. my sidekick broke so i don't know when i'll get on the net again.

tonight is all about we miss you...

i miss you.

p

November 19, 2003

“we write music not soap operas.”

so l.a. was amazing, the kids in anaheim were amazing. anyway, p.s. i got paris hiltons number from some dumb A&R guy at a show of ours and never called it- she doesn't know i exist, i don't care. so dear drama on our webboard, if you don't like what i have to say than you can check out this other thing.... called 'the door'. leave, don't read this. stop focusing on our jeans and haircuts, stop believing gossip on the internet. we write music, not soap operas. my head has gotten so big i can barely hold it up to type this. its such a joke. if you only knew how insecure i felt, so sick in my own skin- if only you knew how nervous you all make me.

thankyouforbeingsupportiveofus.

i may take a break from writing in here for a bit, maybe not. i am pretty obsessed with words. we'll see. i don't want this to feel like i am just going through the motions.

thanks, i can RU(i)N my life myself.

peterrabbit.

you are like fucking cancer.

November 21, 2003

“how does my name taste on your lips?”

yeah so i have given alot of thought on the drive. the shows have been fun. we are getting to hang out with alot of old friends. i have always thought that what i say in here is overdramatic. that is a fault of my own. but i want to give you an honest portrayal of what our/my life is like on tour and going through this process. its not all shitty. its not all fun. it is different from how my life was before. everyone in this band can write on here- i guess some of them are smarter and have better stuff to do- which i should go do now. it's hard to not let people get you down when you put yourself out there. i have to work on that.

go listen to kent "isola" if our new record doesnt sound something like that i will be disappointed.

peter

November 22, 2003

1:35 pm

I.C. you are feeling Drake

you know how it goes. its been awhile. i hate the fucking drama everywhere. yet somehow i feel pretty attached to it. the west coast was rad. we're making our way back. i think i may be spending thanksgiving on a plane. more for me to complain about. my throats hurting pretty badly and i have van neck from sleeping in it last night. on a positive note i got "my life with morrissey" this documentary on hardcore morrissey fans (bring on the freaks). i'm hoping i might see myself hahaha. tommy two tone might jump on this tour for a minute, you know "jenny 8675309" haha how good?

it can't get much better/worse.

call me up on my cellular phone just to see how i'm doing. it would make my day.

November 24, 2003

“who could ever love a kid with eyes this blotchy and red”

joy division

the hills have eyes

vinnie and roger ltj

midwest hearts

breakfast all day

old pictures

van conversation/van sing along

when you smell like baby sweat in your sleep

headphones as medicine

complaining online, new bruises (to the face and the ego)

867-5309 (yeah they're on this tour)

love, love will tear us apart

give up the ghost

photo shoots for dirty looking tired kids

you won't understand so don't try to.

these are the lives the world would lead but they are too against injury.

peter pumpkin eater

November 25, 2003

11:29 pm

“the pity party is officially over.”

i am single if you wanna hang out, bros and stellas.

also, i am moving to another journal at some point so the drama in this stupid one can stop.

November 25, 2003

“over the years i've kept more grudges than i have kept promises and friends…”

i am sorry i have been so out of touch lately. this tour has proved to me that being in this band is the best thing that will ever happen to me.

for the record i know you are going through a hard time-

it's good to know you are doing okay and that someone is there for you.

cause i can't be anymore.

peter

November 28, 2003

“the breaking of the fellowship”

detroit - philadelphia - d.c. three amazing shows in a row. detroit felt good, like at home. philadelphia was one of the biggest rooms we played on this tour. that being said we still felt really connected and the disco dance after party was rad. d.c. we had never played before so we were pretty nervous about it. in the end there was no need for it cause everybody had a good time. it just felt pretty right lately.

after the d.c. show everything felt weird when the band all went our seperate ways for thanksgiving. it felt off. it's like i spend all my time with these guys and it felt strange to be not doing it. it sounds dumb but if this ended i don't know what i would do. everything was so different before and i feel like they are the only people who understand me.

this thing saved my life. blah blah. who cares.

happy thanksgiving.

peter

November 29, 2003

“the act is getting old (so are you).”

its funny with all the things you had to say.

the truth never found its way in.

see you around.

November 30, 2003

“I got you in my headphones.”

Reading: touching from a distance. I.C. I know how it feels to be off. Watching: glengary glen ross. You feel like an old lead.

Drove all night from home to pittsburgh. Thank you for making it worth it. We got the best reaction we have ever gotten there. Saw a ton of old friends and kids from other towns. Left late today for new york city. I am in love with this band. I spent most of my free time answering email though I fear I will never catch up. Why do I always pick the worst times to fall apart?

I've got the remix of sincerity playing in my head. We're all falling apart again. I must confess how much I believe in love. You're who I'm dreaming of.

p

[ssparksflyy]

Hello :) usually I’m a Jason or Percy girl but can you make a Leo Valdez fic or canon when he feel like the seven weel (I can’t spell but I hope you understand) he felt insecure and alone. But his friend the reader who have a crush on him. Tell him that he is enough that, he doesn’t need to be powerfull or beautiful like others demidgod and that she loved liked for who he is. Please 🙏

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

forever winter ˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

pairing: leo valdez x fem!reader warning(s): tiny angst, fast-paced lowkey word count: 1.5k a/n: hiiii! tysm for requesting ♡♡ i hope u enjoy thisss! this could maybe get a pt. 2 ngl 🤭 idk we'll see when im done with my requests ♡ this is kind of based off of forever by taylor swift, just the lyric thats like "all this time i didn't know you were breaking down" :) im soso sorry this took me forever 2 get out, writers block can smd

you covered your ears as you entered bunker nine and were greeted with the screaming sound of a woodcutter in use.

leo, as always, was working on some new project and didn't hear you enter.

you walked over to his workbench and sat in the chair he had made specifically for your, because you spent so much time there together, and waited for him to finish what he was doing.

his eyes remained glued to what he was doing, still unaware of your presence. you couldn't help but stare at him while he worked. you admired the way his curls fell perfectly into place, the concentration on his face, the grease stains on his shirt, the veins that were popping out of his hands like streaks of lightning... lord you had to force yourself to look away.

he finally shut off the woodcutter and looked up, doing a double-take when he realized you were there, a small smile forming on his face.

"what're you doing here?" he asked.

"nothin, do i need an excuse to visit my best friend?" you asked, mirroring his smile.

he shook his head, looking down. something felt kind of... off about him, like something was bothering him.

"are you ok? did you want me to leave?" you asked him, putting you hand on the table and moving it closer to his.

he looked up at you, and you noticed the faint tear stains on his cheeks.

"no, no" he said quickly, grabbing you hand and giving it a small squeeze, "please stay."

you squeezed his hand back, "what's wrong?"

he sighed and pulled up a chair, sitting on it but never letting go of your hand, "have you ever felt like- like some people have got this kind-of inside joke that you aren't apart of or don't understand?"

you nodded slowly, unsure of where he was going with this.

"i, i kind of feel like that when im with the rest of the seven.. like yea we're all friends, but they're all also couples and im just.. there." he said, taking a small pause, "and-and, not to mention, they're all so much more powerful than i am. they're all good in battle, pros at sword fighting and what do i do? make stupid little projects? i dont know, i just feel like i look stupid next to them, like im hanging onto something that doesn't exist."

you stayed quiet, left in a small shock, finally when you managed to speak all you could say was, "leo, you should've told me this sooner, why didn't you?"

he looked down and shrugged, "didn't seem important"

you couldn't help but stay quiet again for a second. you felt like an idiot for not realizing how he felt sooner, sure you weren't the brightest, but there still had to be signs. he gave signs, and you didn't see them. what kind of a friend were you? and he didn't feel the need to tell you? did you do something wrong? had you said or done anything that might've led him to believe he couldn't tell you? you quickly shoved these feelings down. right now, the boy you loved was the one who needed help.

"first of all, you know you can talk to me about anything, okay? anything at all. whatever you feel is important, don't ignore it, you can tell me. you know i'm always gonna be here, im gonna stay through it all" you said, squeezing his hand and giving him a sincere look. he just smiled and nodded, showing you he was listening.

"second of all, im so sorry you feel like that. you do not look stupid next to them, okay? you are so powerful, i mean, you've got literal fire powers! also, did you just happen to forget about the time you built a whole flying ship!! and saved the world?? you aren't holding onto something that isn't there. they're your friends, they care about you, i swear they do. ever notice how percy's always replacing and leaving you water, so you dont get dehydrated? or how annabeth leaves little notes and suggestions on your blueprints? jason's always making sure theres a small breeze blowing through the forge, so you don't overheat, and piper- gods piper makes sure you've eaten and taken care of yourself more than i do! hazel and frank try to pop in and make sure you're okay whenever they visit. they care about you, i care about you, we all care about you leo. you're so important to all if us, especially me, okay? i have no idea what i'd do without you."

tears had began to spill from leo's eyes once again, but they weren't ones of sadness, you could tell, based of the smile that was on his face. he got up quickly from his seat, letting go of your hand and walking over to your side of the table, pulling you in for a bear hug, as he cried into the crook of your neck.

you hugged him back tightly, trying to ignore the fact that your heart was racing a million miles per second. leo was tapping something in morse code quickly on your back, he was yet to show you how to understand it, but it felt nice.

you stayed like that for a good minute, holding leo as he calmed down. you meant everything you said. he was your summer sun, and you'd fall to pieces if he wasn't there. it'd be a forever winter.

he was the one to break away, slowly moving away from the hug and looking down at you with glossy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"thank you, (y/n), for everything" he whispered, "i don't know what i'd do without you either."

you cupped he cheeks and lowered his head, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, "of course, i love you, repair boy."

you had no idea where this wave of confidence was coming from, but no matter what happened next, you knew you'd be freaking out about it later in your cabin.

"i love you too, (n/n). you're the greatest friend i could ever ask for."

you quickly snapped back into reality when you heard his words. friend. that's what you were. you'd let your stupid fantasies get the best of you, and now he probably felt uncomfortable, way to go!

you slowly removed your hands from his face, nodding your head and saying, "yea! i mean, you're the greatest friend i could ask for!"

he gave you a warm smile, but all you could feel is cold. cold and embarrassed. he moved back over to his side of the table sitting back down on his stool.

"so, you feeling ok now?" you asked, looking down.

"i am, yea. thank you, again." he said, his smile never leaving his face.

you looked over to the clock on his wall, "of course, im glad to hear. im so sorry, i lost track of time, i have to go." you said quickly, hopping down from your stool and walking toward the door.

"wait!" leo said, hopping down from his stool and taking a step forward before pausing. you turned around quickly, desperate for him to say anything that wouldn't make your actions from earlier look completely stupid., "see...see you at dinner?", he asked quickly.

you nodded your head quickly, desperate to get out of bunker nine before a single tear began to fall. you quickly opened the door, rushing out.

you walked a good distance away from the bunker before stopping by a tree, falling to the floor, and burying your face in your hands. you were so embarrassed, all you'd ever done with leo was brush hands and give an occasional comforting hug or hand squeeze. today you had not only done that, but also kissed his forehead and told him you loved him, only for him to call you his best friend. you were glad you cheered him up, and that he opened up to you, but perhaps you had gotten too in touch with your feelings, and now he has the possibility of never doing it again. you'd liked leo since he had arrived at camp, your crush only growing the closer you got. had you risked that today. tears slipped your eyes as you sat against the trunk of the tree, thoughts continuing to flood your mind.

little did you know though, just a few feet away, back in the bunker you had just left, leo was also stuck on what he had said.

he couldn't believe it. you were being so kind to him, like you always were, helping through something he was struggling with and all he could do was call you a great friend? he didn't think of you as just a friend, you were his whole world! so then why did he call you a friend?? he sat there, stuck in his pool of regret.

the two lovers, completely unaware of the feelings they shared for each other, feeling miles apart from each other, unable to say what they really feel.

a/n pt.2: again, im so so sorry this took so long to get out </3 hope you enjoyed tho! ive kinda been goin though it but we all good now :) anyway ima go watch mama mia now, have a good day/night!

peace from manhattan,

percy jackson 𖹭

[alternateanonymous]

5:16 am

Hey yall, nothing new. Me and stefan had a little dispute but it wasn't crazy. It was just something out of nothing so lol, nothing new. I played valorant and ow on pc which was crazy. Stefan said he was gonna call me but went to sleep and didn't even say goodnight. Kinda sad about that not gonna lie. Had a good night regarless, decided to not go bnack to amherst yet because I have an appointment for my skin on wednesday and it wouldn't really make sense for me to go all the way to amherst then come back the next day so well see. just had a big snow storm too, so that's cool. also, im getting alot better at typing on this thing, honestly it took a minute but we are here and making it all fluid and shit, I love it lol. Also, praise petar he is a real g because he helped me figure out my shit which was nice. also, ugh being president is hard lolll. Ugh. also, idk discord is cool it just sucks that it has such a bad reputation lol. i went to get pizza with my mom today it was good. i talked to here about a lot of things so that was nice. I also called syka last night to check in and everything seems to be going well, she is going to be seeing her boyfriend rin soon so that's cool. stilll haven't played overwatch with them yet but that will come with time. i feel like sykaa still has a lot to learn and grow and develope in terms of realtionships but isn't that just life lol. I do wish stefan would at least text me or whatever. He did this the other day. Yea he's already asleep but i at least text him if i am going to sleep or whatever, idk. i am just scared or overthinking lol. Idk, not even. lately i've just been finding a lot of inner peace with myself and that's really rejuvenating. Like idk, honeslty once i joined the server i feel that apart of me has been restored in a way and i don't fully know how to describe it. it's like the good girl feminine energy that i have always wanted throughout my life has been finally restored in a way that i have never really had or never knew i needed. Call it cringy but lol whatever. like i said, i don't get as caught up with shit i would normally get caught up with. Idk. I mean partially some of that is due to weed because it helps distract and calm me. Like the night with stefan where shit was supposed to go bad, like yea it was bad in the moment and yea i cried, but then i just said fuck you imma do what i want if you wanna be impossible just be impossible i don['t care imma do what i wanna do. And i did and it was nice because the weed helped me. turned my thoughts back onto me and it was nice because i felt relaxed lol. yea am i still annoyed at stefan, yes but the chances of that happening again= maybe, so maybe I'll bring it up to him bext time i see him and just be like "yea, i am ok now and i ave had some time to sit and process it, and im not mad at you or annoyed at you and i recovered pretty quickly after our disput but it still doesn't make me feel ok that you resorted to not wanting the video regardless of the effort i decide to put in or not, because even though i was confused it stil doesn't make it right for you to revoke your intentions and say you don't want the video,. At that point it just made me feel worse. proved that you got to your breaking point of carelessness, and made me confused and sad that you didn't want what i was trying to give to youy regarless of if i complained or not. Idk, just didn't sit right with me. So what i ask of you for the future if we get in a situation like that again, please just let me deal with my own self and complaints and just don't revoke your inital intentions because that makes me feel worse and sad. So yes a. don't revoke your intentions and b. just let me complain when i want to complain. and understand that i am just complaining about it. Besides, you know me well enough to know that i can complain a lot about things but it doesn't mean that i am going to quit what i am doing. Just be patient with me ok? regarless of if i complain or not. because as my boiyfriend you know me better than most people.

Right thanks, so yea that is my shpeel ahout that, it is currently 5:30 am and i am lisening to death by dishonor by ghostmane. Shit goes hard lol. So yea, maggie just make sure you talk to stefan about this when you get a chance, preferably in person!!!!! Great thanks. Damn, that's actually crazy that this whole thing only took me 15 minutes to write lol. I literally love this fucking keyboard and pc so much, i honestly didn't think id like it this much but i love it, I love the keyboard and the mouse and the pc itself. the monitor is fine lol. and the applications that come with a pc are really cool, like bro. I can play overwatch and valorant which is cool. valorant i can finally play since it is apc exclusive game and also i finally feel valid enough to go on discord. Idk, some apps i just hate on my phone and would much rather prefer their layout on pc which is now where we are which is fire. But yea, ahhh we are making it mags. we're making it. Just keep your head up and keep striving for greatness because that's what you were made for. what were you made for= whatever you choose, you were given the ability to decide what is right wrong good and bad, and (most imporanty) answer those decisions with a why. You put the intention behind the decision, so thats your purpose. to be the voice of the world. Goodnight maggie, i love you. hahah YAAA that's weird, lol self love is weird. But legit this is the first time i have ever felt like i loved my personality and found purpose. My purpose is whatever i decide because i have that ability. So thanks!!! im just gonna keep trying to be the best person that i can be!!! yasaaaaaa,, fuck it we always positive in this bitch.

[destinyc1020]

Just wanna say i appreciate u welcoming all opinions on yr blog! I never knew Kaia had fans lik that tbh (or just 1 very passionate one 💀), bt lik everybodys been saying she seems lik a kind woman who may need some media training (if shes asked about nepotism again), maybe lay off a lil on those paparazzi shots (if her team is calling them) and improve/focus on acting with a coach. Of course, she will have oppurtunities no matter what (im actually excited for this new movie shes in called Bottoms, my girl Ayo Edebiri is starring 😌). Hopefully she has a team around her who can help her improve into a great actress (like she prob want to be) and not just yes men.

And anybody saying Z aint a model....

Be fr lol 😅 Her being a better model than most nepo models isnt a new idea n a lot of ppl hav been saying this

Thanks Anon! 🥰

I mean, I do try to welcome a wide range of opinions here on my blog, even if I don't always agree. You all who have been following my blog for years know this about me. I don't usually shy away from topics or dissenting opinions.

To me, an opinion is just an opinion... it's not gonna kill you lol 😆 🤷🏾‍♀️ (OR your fave 👀).

We literally made like 2 or 3 posts about Kaia before that Anon came for my neck. 🥴

One..... Two.... Three....

Most of the stuff that was said wasn't even really "mean" or bashing the girl at all! Okay.... well, maybe calling Kendall Jenner "KenDULL" was kinda mean-girlish lol 😆, but she gets called that online all the time, so it's not like one of my anons just made that up out of thin air.

Yea I cackle from time to time about the Kaustin Berger rlshp coz they're just whatever to me lol 😅, but I never bash them, and I've even admitted that they're cute.

But what are we supposed to do? LIE and say that Zendaya does NOT have an "IT" factor? 🥴 Lie and say that she's NOT killing it in the game out here? LIE and say that JE is NOT a better actor than Kaia? Lie and say that Kaia doesn't need acting lessons?? 🥴 Like, c'mon....

Most of what was said about Kaia wasn't even mean at all....

"I think she just needs to have a REALLY good acting coach to assist her if she want to b serious about it"

"Well, not every actor has that "IT" factor, and that's okay! Not everyone is gonna be on the "A List" in Hollywood, and that's perfectly okay also. It would be kind of boring if everyone were on the A List. Not to mention, crowded lol. 😅 But she seems sweet, so she has that going for her. 😊"

Nobody was "bashing" her at all... just sharing an opinion. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I was honest on here about Z and her acting as well. Of course some Z stans jumped down my neck then too 🙄, but imo what I said wasn't even controversial at all. You can still LOVE your fave while at the same time being honest about them. 🤷🏾‍♀️

It's okay to love your faves, but you have to be realistic/honest about them too! Jmho

[tiger85]

Omegle Chat

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH THE CHINESE PEOPLE AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like Ask Me Anything.

You: hi

Stranger: Hi

You: How are you?

Stranger: Good n u

You: fine thanks

You: You prefer asking or answering

Stranger: Answering

You: Cool, anything off limits?

Stranger: Not really

Stranger: No fun that way

You: Very true

You: I'll start easy asl?

Stranger: Oh boy, ok im 18 f us but im mature for 18

You: Good to know

You: I like that

Stranger: Cool are you a guy? Just asking doesn't matter

You: yes I am

Stranger: Ok usually when i say 18 they leave

You: 18 is fine by me.

Stranger: Cool

You: I'm gonna get a bit dirty though now hope you don't mind

Stranger: I dont, at all

You: What age did you lose your virginity?

Stranger: 13

You: How old was the guy?

Stranger: 16

You: A bf from school?

Stranger: Well a boy i had a crush on, yes from school

You: Oh so he wasn't your boyfriend

Stranger: No he had a gf

You: Mind telling me how it happened then since he was dating a different girl?

You: Long response or something didn't show up

Stranger: He hit on me at a football game when she wasn't around and asked me if i wanted to pass by his house on the weekend

You: Oh, & of course since you had a crush on him you said yes

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: I asked about her he said she was going out of town

You: Did you spend all weekend with him?

Stranger: No just the day it happened his parents were out

You: Did he call you once they left & told you to come over?

Stranger: He texted me when to come

You: You knew you were going to lose your virginity as soon as you got to his house didn't you,

Stranger: Yea

Stranger: Part of why i went

You: How did it go down once you got there?

Stranger: He kissed me when i went inside and we made out, then he took me to his bedroom

You: How was the make out sess?

Stranger: Hot very i felt his cock rubbing me it was hard

You: what was he wearing?

Stranger: Jeans and a tee-shirt

You: same for you? Or something else?

Stranger: I had on leggings and a shirt

You: Not that its too relevent, but were did your parents think you had gone?

Stranger: I told them i was going to my gfs house and i talked my sister into taking me to his house she knew i was going to see him

You: Ah so older sis knew you were going to get laid

Stranger: Well she asked me any i said maybe she just said ok but use protection

You: Aw how cute.

Stranger: Shes super cool

You: Anyway he took you into his bedroom, then?

You: Thats good

Stranger: We made out more and then he stood up and took his jeans and shirt off asked me if i wanted to do the same and i did

Stranger: I kept my panties and bra on

You: He didn't have any underwear on?

Stranger: Yes he kept them on also

You: okay, was kissing him as good as you had always dreamt it would be?

Stranger: Yes

You: In a way you didn't want that to end did you

Stranger: No i wouldve been happy just making out lol

You: Even though you could see he was very hard inside those underwear?

Stranger: Yes very and ngl i was a little scared cause it looked really big

You: Oh okay, so there you are in your bra & panties and there's your 16 yo crush in just his underwear, now what?

Stranger: We made out some more then he got up grabbed my hand and sat me at the edge of the bed and he stood in front of me and lowered his underwear and put his hand on my head

Stranger: I knew what he wanted

Stranger: It was so big

You: He wanted you to give him head

Stranger: Yes

You: Was he cut or uncut?

Stranger: Cut

You: He had his hand on your head & moved it to his cock, or did you do it willingly?

Stranger: I grabbed it by the shaft and opened my mouth at the same time he gently pulled me towards his cock, i closed my eyes and felt it in my mouth

You: Just the tip at first I'm sure

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: I heard him moan

Stranger: So i guess it felt good lol

You: which had to make you feel good

Stranger: Yes it did

You: then you started taking more?

Stranger: Yes as much as i could, i had seen a few how to vids on youtube and i saw a real bj instructional vid on a adult web site

You: ah nice, so you were semi- prepared, just didn't expect him to be so big

Stranger: But i couldnt go that far down his shaft cause it made me gag

Stranger: Exactly

Stranger: I had the basics lol

You: Did he try to make you go down further?

Stranger: Yes but i gaged

You: I'm sure he liked hearing that though as well

Stranger: Im sure lol

Stranger: He did it a few more times and id gag and push away but he would say its ok just keep sucking me it feels so good

You: Nice

Stranger: My eyes would tear up

You: Did you look up at him as you sucked it?

Stranger: A few times yes but mostly i kept my eyes closed

You: He did that for a bit, then?

Stranger: Yes

You: Then what happened next? He have you take off your bra & panties?

Stranger: Basically yes after a while he stopped me and got in bed with me and pulled my panties off and told me to take my bra off

You: He didn't cum I'm sure from the bj

Stranger: No he didnt idk if i wasnt good enough yet or if he didnt want to yet

You: May have been a little bit of both

Stranger: Maybe

You: Now you are both naked in his bed together

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: Hes on top making out

You: Was he also feeling you up at all?

Stranger: Yes fingering me, more like rubbing me then i felt his legs push my legs open and i felt like this was it

You: okay

Stranger: But instead he went down on me

You: He ate out your pussy, I am surprised

Stranger: Yes he said oh wow, i guess since i had shaven smooth lol

You: nice, good on you,

Stranger: It felt amazing

You: His tongue felt great?

Stranger: 100 times better than i thought

Stranger: Yes

You: He probably had plenty of experience with his gf and maybe other girls

Stranger: Yes im sure but at that moment it was just him i didnt even think about his gf or anything

You: I would imagine not, sorry please continue from him eating out your pussy & it feeling so amazing

Stranger: He did it for a long time too, and i came for the first time in a guys mouth

You: Damn he must have been really good then

Stranger: I think he wanted me to cum

You: probably

Stranger: He didnt stop until i came

You: I bet you were shaking quite a bit by then

Stranger: Then he came up and kissed me which ngl kinda yuked me a little i never tasted my own pussy before lol

You: Still having it be him do it, must have felt somewhat good

Stranger: Yes it did

You: and then?

Stranger: Then it happened, he got between my legs and i saw him reach down and grab his cock and put it at the entrance and i took a deep breath and i felt him push

You: Had he put on a condom?

Stranger: Nope!

You: oh okay, please continue

Stranger: The pressure was intense and then the pain hit me, and i pulled away a little but he grabbed me and shhhh me and kept pushing the burning feeling intensified and then i felt him pop in i screamed a little and he stood still

You: He had popped your cherry

Stranger: Yes that was the burning i felt

You: right

Stranger: He asked me if i was ok should he go on, i just nodded my head

You: good girl

Stranger: He started fucking me

You: slow?

Stranger: The pain was incredible but it was also pleasurable at the same time

Stranger: Yes he went very slow because i was gasping when he would thrust

You: Did he eventually pick up the pace though?

Stranger: Yes after a few minutes he started to go faster and thats when it really started to feel really good

Stranger: I was moan and he was grunting

You: He was just laying on top of you?

Stranger: He went faster and faster and he was moaning louder and louder and then he all of a sudden pulled out and jerked his cock and he came all over my stomach

You: What did that feel like

Stranger: I looked down and omg his cock was covered in blood and his hand also from his cock and it was pools and pools of his cum on me

You: But yet you felt so good as well

Stranger: Yes like i had accomplished a feat lol

Stranger: Then he got up and said dont move !

You: oh

Stranger: He ran to the bathroom and came back with the roll of toilet paper and he gave it to me and said here so you can clean up and he took some of it and helped me clean also and he cleaned his cock too

You: Very sweet of him

Stranger: Yes and his sheets omg his sheets got so dirty lol

You: I bet they were

Stranger: We got dressed and i helped him take his sheets off and we took them to his laundry room and i was the one who put then to wash lol he didnt know how to do laundry lol

You: It happens

You: He didn't offer to let you shower?

Stranger: He said listen you know i have a gf, are we cool? And i said yeah we're cool

You: Of course you were cool with it, you got what you wanted lol

Stranger: No but looking back idk if i would of lol

Stranger: I think we both got something we wanted

You: What exactly do you think he wanted? Just to be the one to pop your cherry?

Stranger: He asked if he could give me a ride but i said its ok and called my sister

You: Told your sister about it all on the way home didn't you

Stranger: Yeah most likely add another notch to his belt lol

Stranger: Yeah i had to do my first walk of shame lol

You: But was it so much of a walk of shame to her?

You: since she already knew pretty much

Stranger: And of course my sister being my sister was fist pumping and wooop woopp as i walked to the car all i could do was lower my head i was so embarrassed lol

You: lol

You: Was she disappointed that you didn't use protection?

Stranger: I kinda lied to her and said i did

You: Shame on you

Stranger: Lol yeah i know but oh well lol

You: At least he pulled out though

Stranger: Yes!!!!

You: Did you ever make any more advances towards him or ever talk to him about it again?

Stranger: You know at that very moment i actually freaked out for a second thinking omg hes gonna cum in me and im gonna get pregnant all those thoughts in like 3 sec lol

You: I bet you did

You: Especially only being 13

Stranger: But i think he knew also thats why he pulled out

You: Well he probably didn't want any kids at 16 either

Stranger: I did see him at school a lot but kept my distance i think we both knew it was best

You: Part of you had to want to talk to him at least a little at times though

Stranger: Until the next time she went out of town lol

You: Wait, then what?

Stranger: We fucked again lol

You: How much later was that?

Stranger: I was his official side piece

Stranger: Like close to summer she went on fam vac

Stranger: We fucked a lot lol

You: What'd he do just text you the next time she was out of town & asked you to come over for a fuck?

Stranger: Yes pretty much

You: He fucked you a lot that summer as she was out of town?

You: Or that was just before summer

Stranger: We fucked, yes we fucked a lot and i did anal for the first time also with him

You: Everytime bareback?

Stranger: Yes but by then i was on the pill but he would still pull out

You: why were you on the pill? Had you told your parents?

Stranger: Only time he didnt pull out was during anal

You: Bet that was an odd sensation

Stranger: No at school the school nurse could give pills

You: oh okay

Stranger has disconnected.

[silhouette-anon]

[im gonna include simon above the cut because this is SUPER long. other characters below the cut] [i know im quite late .. sorryyy]

SIMON

FAVORITE PEOPLE: She's so pretty, and the kindest girl I've ever met. She's saved my life multiple times, and I would do anything for her sake..

He's my best friend, my other half, and I.. I don't know where I would be without him. I miss him.

He's a bit... Chaotic, at times, but I still appreciate his friendship, and I know he cares a lot. I like being around him, honestly.

He doesn't know how to take care of himself, but he's still wonderful to be around. He has so many different interests, and he cares much more than he says he does. And he owes me all my money back.

And..

She was very sassy, she's my sister, she had so much artistic talent, and she's going to be- ..She was going to be amazing in the future.

LEAST FAVORITE: He always smelled like smoke, he didn't bat an eye no matter what happened, and he always brushed everyone off. He acted like things were fine and they never were... But, even then, I'm still sorry for what I did to him.

She tried to torture me. What more do I have to fucking say?

...I don't know how to feel about him. I can't really blame him for what he did, I guess. Maybe I should even thank him. Without him, I wouldn't have met her, right?

They lied to our face. They acted like they cared, they acted like they could buy our love. All they ever sent were pre-written post cards and they promised to be there for your birthdays, and they never were.

ZOMBIE?

FAVORITE PEOPLE: He's beautiful. He's so funny, and caring, and he deserves bette--

She's smarter than she gives 'erself credit for, and she's destined for a better place than this hellhole. I hope that she eventually understands how much we care 'bout--

Even if we haven't talked very much, he was kind to me, and I.. Really hope things are going better for him. I wonder if he would still be kind, even to someone who has nobody's memor--

Every goddamn room he's in, immediately brightens up. He knows everyone's names, everyone's birthdays, and he's given everyone a chance. A bit naive, yea, especially considering I ended up being one of the first people he called a friend, but it's not exactly a bad thing. He should be more careful, thoug--

He can be a bit.. concerning, and scary, although he let me live with him for a long while, and I'm really grateful for that... Does he know?? Does he know anything about how I got here? Does h--

Does he probably hate me? Yea. Is he Caleb's best friend? Also yea. Automatically means he has my approval. Don't tell him I said this, but every morning, I'm the one who keeps makin' his favorite coffee and settin' it on the counter for him. I wonder if he realiz--

All of those people, fighting for a great cause, fighting to save a kingdom, and I could barely even aim my gun. I didn't even know how to talk to them. Do I even deserv--

What they would say if they saw me now? Good ol', charmin' Zach, gone from a jock with so much potential and a good will to a corrupt deputy in a nowhere town.

LEAST FAVORITE: I don't know why she shot me. She said something really weird at the time. I.. I should ask her about it. Do I really want to talk to her? If anything, she hates m--

BASTARDS! PAYING ME TO COVER UP THIS SHIT, I FUCKING HATE WORKING FOR THEM! ALL OF THEM! I HATE THEM! I HA--

She's asked me if I eat brains. I.. I don't even.. I don't even know what to say to that, honestly. I think I'm worried that she thinks I'm a friend. Is that rude to say? I don't kno--

He's always looking at me with this blank look in his eye. He won't say it, but I know he's already given up on his sister. I have too, to tell ya the truth. I don't know how to help him, I just... Maybe- Maybe I can figure something ou--

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate his ragged, blonde hair. I hate his endless stare. I hate his annoying cluelessness, I hate his shyness, I hate his loneliness. I hate the false badge that's pinned to his chest, I hate his fake name, I hate his nothing past, I hate him. I hate him. I HATE HIM.

I hate me.

CLOWN

FAVORITE PEOPLE: He tolerates me!!!! Although he's realllyyy annoying. I like him!!! He makes mee... Happy. Yeah!! Entertained. I still think he should let me do whatever I want forever though. MY LOYAL FOLLOWER!!!!! WE SHALL BRING CHAOS UPON THE CIRCUS!!!! SHE IS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!!!!!!

Oohh, Carbine, Carbine, I hate him. He's so fun to fight. I hate the way he won't die. He's such a challenge. He's different. The way he cares is so intriguing!!! I hate the way he tried to give up so easily. He shouldn't do that. He's... Entertaining. He should stick around.

FELICIA!!!!! I think the way she looks at me is funny. I know she hates me. I know she wants me gone. I want to kill him all over again just to see the look on her face.

I taught a lady how to juggle chainsaws, I think. A while ago. I should TALK TO HER AGAIN!!!!!

Well, you know, I can't just gloss over the person who gave me a body!!! It's a shame he didn't live that long, though. I shouldn't have killed him so fast!

Gryphon. I wonder if he's still alive?

LEAST FAVORITE: Stupid guardsman, stupider Pharaoh. Really thought they could fight me, couldn't even make it last long. Who dies that fast?

He made me uncomfortable. What's with all those eyes? What a freak.

I don't like that phone. He needs to stay in his place. He's not as fun as anyone else, too much of a coward, won't even fight me. I'm not going to waste my time with him.

STUPID! CAT THING!!!! OUT OF MY ROOM!! WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM!!!! He's SO STRANGE!!!!

It was scaring Dialtone. I think it scared Felicia. What is it's deal? Why was Dialtone so afraid of it?? I don't care. I'm glad it's gone. It was ruining everything. I don't want to see it again.

CALEB

FAVORITE PEOPLE: Oh, he's so cool!! He's so caring, and he's my best friend!!! I want to be more like him!! I want to- I want to catch up with him!! I wish I didn't die. I wish I could've been there, by his side!! With him and all of my friends!!!

She saved me from.. The void? I guess that's what it's probably called!! She's really tall, and really pretty, and very kind! I should get her a gift or whatever- As a thank-you, or.. something.. I want to talk to her again!!! I hope she's doing okay..

He was a bit isolated, sure, but when you get to know him he's amazing! He has so many cool stories from high school, and also he taught me how to hijack a car! Don't know why or how he knows how to do that, although I figured I shouldn't question it. Oh!! Did I ever mention how he always made coffee for Niko each morning?

Niko's best friend!! I haven't talked to him much, but he's very kind, and anyone who's a friend of Niko's is a friend of mine! Also, just LOOK at him!! He's so cool looking!!! I wonder how well he can fly with the wings?

My dearrrr.... My darlinggg... My lovee... Ohh.. She's so beautiful. She's so wonderful. She's so caring.. Her hair is so soft, she's so pretty, her eyes are the color of honey and her voice is just as sweet, I could snuggle with her forever. Ohh, I love her!!!! I love her!!!! I miss her. I miss her. I love her!!!!!!!

Oh, my friend!!! He's so kind, although I feel a bit bad for him. Not for the reason you'd think, though!! I just wish people paid more attention to him. Also, he's SUCH A GOOD BAKER!! I mean, seriously, I've never had a better cake. Never.

...How long have I been gone? I want to see her again. Oh, oh no, she must be so worried- I hope Felicia told her where I went- If she even knows herself.. Ohh.. No, no.. I want to- I want... I wanna go home. I wanna go home. Mom. Momma..

...'Yomi... You must miss me too.. I-I want to go home. I want to hug him, I want to hug mom, I want to hug everyone. I want to see everyone!! I want to see my family!!!! I want- I want to see my amazing and talented brother and my caring mom!!- I-

LEAST FAVORITE: He.. taunted me in the void, talking about Niko and Felicia- And- And- That's not even the IMPORTANT PART!!.. He hurt Niko!! He hurt a lot of people, I'm not even sure how many, and.. I'm glad he's gone.

...She hurt her. She hurt Felicia. I remember--We were only a week into the relationship, and she wanted to meet me. Her house was so... Dull. Unwelcoming. And Felicia just went... Blank? I-I don't know how to describe it, all she said to her was "Okay," and "Yes ma'am." I'm.. I'm glad Felicia stopped talking to her.

I don't know what makes me hate it more. The fact that it killed me, or the fact that Felicia had to watch. I don't know what happened, I reached for the door, and then- A pain, and nothing. It was so fast, I didn't even scream. I heard her scream, though. I heard it, only for a second, my name. I don't want to hear that ever again. I hope she deleted it. I hope it hasn't hurt anyone else.

..Uhm, I.. Don't know how to explain this one. I don't like him, I hate him, but I never met him. Not personally. Zachariah told me about him... Actually, I don't think Zachariah meant to. He was drunk and, uh, crying. I've never seen him like that, it was kind of surreal- And he was rambling on about this guy who.. committed some sort of crime? And that he "saw something awful" and how red it was. I.. I think it really hurt him. I still don't know what happened, and Zachariah doesn't remember telling me. I.. Decided not to tell him that I knew.

FELICIA

FAVORITE PEOPLE: I love him. I love him, I loved him. I should've told him that I did more often. He was so caring, he was so gentle, he was so outgoing, he was so handsome, he was so sweet, he... He was everything to me, he saved me. And now he's rotting in a hospital bed.

She's been too kind to me. She's been to kind to the person who's responsible for her children being gone. Does she know? She calls me "dear." "You're family, dear, don't get forget that." "It's not your fault, I know it hurts, dear." I think she'd kill me if she knew. And I think I wouldn't blame her.

He's so stupid, in a good way. It's endearing. All of that power, and he does the most trivial things with it. He exploded an oven once, I think. That was fun to hear about... Fuck. Fuck. Why did I have to be the one to find your corpse? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I should've helped you. Please don't hate me.

...He was more than just my boss. He thought nobody really noticed, but I did. He cares. He cares a lot. I could see the shift in his expression when talking to any of us. And, and.. When Caleb was.. Gone.. He was there. He was there when Caleb was gone, he was there when Nikolai was gone, and- And it was just us. He was the last thing I had left. And.. Then... He... He didn't deserve what happened to him.

Oh, he's so kind... I could talk to him for hours. He's my best friend. He's the only thing keeping him sane. Of course, I won't tell him that. He already has enough to take care of. I... I wish I could hug him. I wish I was more like him. I wish I knew how to stop hurting people.

LEAST FAVORITE: I hate him. I hate him. I don't even need to say his stupid name. Why do I even use his name? He's not human. He's not real. I regret everything I've done, I regret creating him, I regret letting Caleb put on that headset, I..I- And I KNOW HE ENJOYS WATCHING ME SUFFER. Yet.. Yet I don't care. I don't care enough to bother trying to get rid of him. I'm so tired.

I wish I wasn't there that day. I don't know how I ended up down there, I.. I don't even know entirely what happened, they haven't told me, still won't. There was so much blood. I've never had to tackle someone before. He looked so.. Distraught.

WHY DID YOU SHOOT HIM?! WHY DID YOU SHOOT HIM?! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!! HE DID NOTHING WRONG!!! AND YOU- YOU- You took him away from me. I wish I killed you. I wish I killed you when I had the chance. Who says I've lost that chance?

Bastard. Bastard. The both of you, bastards. You're not innocent because you sat and waited in that damn car. I'm not stupid. You knew exactly what was going to happen. You planned it with him. You had so much blood on you. Was it worth it? WAS IT WORTH IT?!

I should've listened to her. She was right. I would've been better off if I just stayed in line. Where are you now? Do you even care about me anymore? Or am I just a failed project to you? Am I just a failure of a daughter to you? Am I even your daughter anymore?

Do you know what you're getting yourself into? I don't know whether or not to feel bad for you, you probably know your husband's a murderer. You'd defend him, wouldn't you? He's so sorry, isn't he? You forgave him, right? WHAT ABOUT EVERYONE HE HURT?! EVER CONSIDERING ASKING THEM?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought you were going to hurt me, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear. I promise. God, I couldn't even recognize you. You didn't deserve that. I'm so sorry. I can still feel the blood on my hands.

...

The worst girl in the world.

I hate her. I hate myself. I wish I wasn't a coward. I wish that man stabbed me that day. The only thing tying me here is him. The silence is so deafening, I want to sleep forever. I deserve to be dead. I want to die, I want to cut, cut, cut, I already do, and it's not enough. I can see them all staring at me, do they pity me? No, of course not, they hate me. They know what I did. Of course they know. I don't deserve happiness. I never did. I can't recognize my face in the mirror, I need to tear it off, I need to claw at it until it bleeds, I need to wash my hands until they're sore, there's still blood on them.

I can still see them, you know. Every now and then, I get a glimpse of them. Caleb at his desk. Zachariah smoking outside. Nikolai walking down the halls. They never look me in the eyes, and they disappear when I blink. I never deserved them, I was the worst thing that happened to them. I hope one of those illusions grabs me by the neck and strangles me, because I wouldn't stop them anyway.

i’m going out and doing things today, soooo…you get your daily question early! As usual, all credits to autumn for the idea ^^

DAILY(?) QUESTION 3, ELECTRIC BEEGALEE:

Have your oc describe their favorite person/people! Optionally, have them also describe their least favorite people.

[levisgirll]

oki it me again uWu back with another request because I really enjoyed the first one!!!💗💗 couldn't find the exact words to phrase this but what about aomine (from Kuroko no basuke) as your boyfriend in university. I look forward to what you will write!!

𝐀𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

text: hello again!! thank you so much for reading my posts and the fact that you like them makes me happy c: 💗💗 I'm glad you enjoyed the other request so, I hope you enjoy this! (also, aomine is my second fav in knb ^^ he's just so attractive oml-)

synopsis: aomine daki, the great basketballer player at your university is your boyfriend! how is it like to have aomine as your boyfriend though? and how does he act with you? (get ready for this-)

Once Aomine is your boyfriend, get ready cause this guy will show off and flex a lot when it comes to you. Whenever you stay and watch his practices, he flexes a lot with his back muscle and he would turn around if YOU saw that. You are just sitting there, all blushed while covering your face, "Oh god, this idiot..."

Sometimes, the basketball club would invite student for 'Learning the basics of Basketball' and the first person he wants to invite is, of course, his girlfriend. While he is waiting for her, he would just sit in the bench and lots of people go to him for help, but he would ignore everyone and say he is tired and to leave him alone. But once he sees you, y/n, entering he is all energetic and comes running to you. "Aomine, let me change wait" , "But darling, I was waiting for like 10 minutes...you have to make up for that."

Once everyone leaves and its just you two, he gets all hyped up cause he loves it when you are alone with him. He gets extra clingy towards you and keeps on hugging you and you can feel his tensed muscular body. "Sweetheart, you looked amazing today."

Okay but this guy, would fuck up and beat any guy that even showed any sort of disrespect. He is not standing there with a glare or bumping into them if someone laughs, or says something mean to you. He will go up to that person and hold them up while saying "Okay, you started this. Come here."  You have to stop him before he gets physical towards them, "Aomine! Stop!! They just said to me to move". "Yea, 'Move you', what the fuck is that? Asshole, learn some manners! Do you know who you even spoke to!"

This guy is smart, so he knows all your university spots, so don't be surprised if you see him out of nowhere. "Hey its that guy! He is always following you!" Kagami would yell out, "Fuck, you have some stalker Y/N" Kagami would say while glaring at him, he was your university best friend. "That's my b-boyfriend."

Your man will also buy you a lot of snacks, and if you say you skipped breakfast. He is dragging you to the university café and will force you to eat after he buys you food.

Oh my god, your boyfriend loves to tease you A LOT. Like there wont be a day he wont tease you. If you somehow changed up your hairstyle, he will make a huge scene. "No WAY! Sweetheart, you look so good! Wow, that's my GIRL! You all heard that??!"

Aomine makes you laugh like crazy, and there also wont be a day he wont make you laugh. He just loves it whenever he hears your beautiful laugh and small giggles, he founds it so cute and you really warm his heart whenever he hears that.

He will never forgive himself if he ever made you upset or cry. Aomine will probably think about it the whole day and he will keep spamming you "I'm sorry" multiple times. If you don't reply back, he would come to your lecture hall and he is gonna make a scene. "Y/N I SAID IM SORRY!"

You definitely boost his ego, like crazy. Whenever he feels low before a match he would call you and he just wants to hear his girlfriends voice motivating him. "Aomine, don't worry you got this! Besides, didn't you tell me the only one who can beat you...is you?" "Fuck, you are right. Darling, I'm gonna win this and I'll come and hug u after this match. Wait for 20 minutes" And he actually does it.

This guy sticks with his words, so if you tell him meet up at 2 pm. He is there at 2pm waiting for you. If he says he will do literally anything for you, he fucking will.

Once he got, really upset and emotional and he said to you during a call at midnight. "Y/N, Dont leave me like how everyone does.". You then recalled about him telling you about this past and how his old teammates left him, so you would say "I wont, I'm your girlfriend aren't I?" And he is up on his bed all hyped hearing that, "Can I see you now!" "Aomine it's 2am and I have a quiz tomorrow bye, shutting my phone love you!" But this guy wont leave you and spam you in EVERY social media. "Nice try, but I know you have discord on your laptop. Wait, I see you online I'm calling you now."

One time, he came to your huge lecture hall and he sat right next to you, and he would just turn and look at you, focusing on what you are doing, and play around with your stuff and hair. "Aomine, I am trying to focus!" You say all blushed and can't even write anything on your notebook. "Of course, cause you are focusing on me right? Sweetheart, I know, I know I am great." Now you wanna smack him.

Whenever he sees you, he gives you that hot smirk of his and it gives you butterflies. "Ha! Wow literally everything I do, you love it don't you?" . Y/N then turns to him and gives a small chuckle, "Don't get ahead of yourself, Aomine." He then goes near you and lays his arm on your shoulder, bring you closer and he would whisper to your ear "Why not? your my girl so, I want to impress you."

You both love it whenever you guys hold hands around university, this guy is really tall so you always feel so relaxed and also great when your boyfriend squeezes your hand, and walks you to your lecture. "Okay now try to focus on your lecture and not your mind all about me alright?"

He actually loves it when you cheer for him and that really boost not only his ego but rather his self-confidence. "Y/N! I'm gonna win this match for you!" He would yell out during the match and everyone is looking at you.

He would go for academic help for you sometimes and you guys meet up in the library to study. You are the reason he passed some subjects, don't get me wrong, he is intelligent but super lazy.

His wallpaper is a selfie of you both and he looks at that before every match. He sometimes pecks his phone when he finds a picture of you.

Speaking about his phone, this guy has a folder with just you, all your pictures, screenshots of chats, even screen records of your voice notes and videos. He just loves you dearly, and he gets so fucking mad if someone touches or even goes near that gallery. He protects that with all his life, your pictures are important and he is not the type of guy to show his friends your pictures, in fact he hates that! "My folder, my girl, and no one gets to see that. Go away."

Whenever he is bored or isn't doing nothing, he would open his phone, and check every social media app to see your online status. "Oh OH, I see you online darling! Answer me, wanna go out and get ice cream? Please say yes."

He is actually such a great motivator and brings your mood up whenever you feel like giving up during university. He won't allow that, like never. "What so you will just give up? Stop? After all this time, you let this one test fuck you up? Don't you dare let that bring you down, you idiot." He actually even inspires you.

Before you go for the whole day cause you had to work on your report he would say "Smile for me one last time?"

When he sees you from afar, he would yell out and say "That's my girl! Don't move, I'm coming for you!" And this guy jumps at you with his embraces and sometimes picks you up. "L-Love put me down!!"

He actually loves teasing you like that in public, he wants everyone to know that are are HIS girl and his only.

He messages you during his practices and even would skip practice to see you.

Y/N: Oh you don't have practice today?

Aomine: Nope! And besides, I am the captain so doesn't matter. (He is not the captain- its akashi but lies)

He says that and then goes on how he knows everything about basketball and the team and he keeps doing that till you can compliment him ‘Please Y/N say anything’ he would think and you know that but tease him back not saying anything.

*meanwhile in his basketball groupchat* 

Kise: aomine, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?!

Akashi: Probably ran off to see his girl.

Atsushi: Whatever, my chance to leave and eat outside.

Kuroko: Can I join you?

Atsushi: No.

You would treat his injuries and he would just sit there, looking at you with a smirk.

Aomine: "Oh yea, here even hurts darling!"

Y/N: "Love....you are lying aren't you?"

Aomine: "What! No!...Maybe?" 

You let out a sigh "Ah, you are an idiot...stop hurting yourself all the time." He would suddenly lift your chin up and say "You know...that I love you yea? You also better tell me everything and if you need help, just say it" He can be really soft and sweet sometimes, but he gets all cringy and shy about it and he gets up rubbing the back of his head. "I-I mean that's what a boyfriend does right?! Come on, get up I'm taking you out."

Okay, I hope you enjoy this and anyone who did! Aomine is such a dork but a sweetheart and I can see most of this happening :,) 

If anyone enjoyed reading this, please then leave a like or a reblog! It means a lot and have a great day <3

[swaggy-pregnant-elf-man]

I love the energy and all and I don’t want to offend but as a Muslim girl i can tell you that it is literally haram to identify as anything other than your god given gender. Like I’m not trying to be rude and I’m glad that there a respectful supportive people out there but if you’re looking at the Quran and other islamic book you’ll find stories about how its considered haram. Accepting the islam religion means accepting everything and dedicating yourself to it you can’t just pick and choose.

omg my first anon hate hahaha

i know im not obligated to answer hate but im going to anyway bcuz of i have things to say (sparkle emoji) (im on pc and dont have the energy to find an emoji keyboard)

okay first of all nowhere did i say that I identify as Muslim. i get that it was ambiguous tho so its cool. to clarify,, I am personally not Muslim but I kind of have to act like one so I don't get kicked to the streets or some shit lol and maybe I'm a bit of a coward idkkk but anyways

I would be interested to know what other Islamic books ur talking about btw, but I'm pretty sure the quran doesn't mention being trans anywhere at all. in fact I'm pretty certain, I've read it multiple times with translation and commentary interpretations and anyway being trans wasn't really a 'known' thing back then? bcuz obviously patriarchy and gender roles n segregation blah blah was wayyyy more yk. shit I forgot the word. uhhh yk like prevalent?? ofc the quran does mention a shitton about gender roles,, so yk men r the breadwinners, women raise the kids and keep house and be good wives etc. and also remember the big important fact:: GENDER AND SEX R DIFFERENT THINGS!!! meaning technically u cant be 'born' a gender (omfg my keyboard hates me imagine a question mark here) ur born with certain genitals and society assigns u a gender based on that . sounds a bit fucked when u put it like that actually but anyway back when the quran was being revealed this wasn't a known thing cuz yk they didn't have studies on this stuff,, and yea ur probably gonna say 'but the quran came from allah and he knows everything' well the fact of the matter is he either forgot or smth idk I don't speak for God but trans people definitely exist that's a fact we know so yeah. oh I should come back to my point which was, even with the quran saying those things about what ur supposed to do based on whats in ur pants which is crazy outdated anyway it doesn't take gender ≠ sex into consideration either soo ye that's the most it could've said about being trans and that not very valid anymore rip and that's not even mentioning non-binary people

and anyway Islam is literally all about acceptance and respect and everything so idk it would probably be better if u didn't go around telling ppl they're 'literally haram' for being trans or gay or any typa queer bcuz its literally not our choice (insert question marks) believe me I would fucking love to be comfortable in my 'female' body but I cant no matter how much I try to force myself so I'm sorry dude. no one would choose to be stuck in a situation like this. personally, I believe Islam needs a super massive reformation. well not Islam exactly, but a lot of things said in the quran r outdated wildly now, while a lot of it will also always be relevant, eg. everyone being equal and yk give to the poor etc. i have absolutely nothing against Muslims (I have it against my family for being so forceful about religion - different thing) yall r super cool and ik being a Muslim girl isn't easy believe me, but genuinely seeing Muslim people around and yk, just existing in wider society outside of Islamic spaces makes me feel so proud of where I came from even if its not been the best experience. have u seen the show We are Lady Parts (question mark) its about an all female Muslim punk band and there's only six episodes I literally watched it all today but the message of it is what I'm trying to get to you. u don't have to be the perfect pious wife to be considered a 'good Muslim',, there are so many ways u can show faith. you don't have to be a big strong man who can handle all pain with ease while single-handedly providing for a family either.

anyways peace out that sure was a journey lol and I definitely have forgot some of the things I wanted to say but yea that's all don't forget to like and subscribe <3

(colours r to make it easier to read for people with shorter attention spans,, they don't have any other significance)