#all the things i wanted i saved up for and bought myself or had dear friends gift to me

[robinsnest2111]

there's something so ironic/tragic/poetic in the way my mother is desperately scrabbling to find SOMETHING to gift me for Christmas to avoid embarrassment(?), and me (jaded from years of emotional neglect and abuse) not having anything I'd want as a christmas present, at least not from her and my father.

as if she's trying to make up for all the years of abuse and make herself feel like she's a good mother, actually; and all her neglect and callousness and kicks and punches and venomous words are forgiven and forgotten.

[wito-chan-bla-bla]

You always knew that your husband would fulfill your every wish. He just loved you so, so much! He always listened to you and tried to make you happy. Sometimes you joked that he was obsessed with you, like a fanatic is obsessed with his god, but Satoru just smiled innocently at you and winked, playfully asking what you would do if it turned out to be true.

So when you asked him to participate in the "long role-playing game", he couldn't refuse you.

You had a vacation, but you didn't want to just go somewhere and relax. You wanted to have fun with your husband and maybe remember why you fell in love with him. Pretending to be strangers was too boring, so you remembered all the internet stories you read and suggested that Satoru pretend to be yandere.

"You can 'kidnap' me and keep me in one of your family's estates. You will play the role of someone who is obsessed with me and deeply in love, and I will try to escape and save myself, but in the end I will fall in love with you."

Satoru looked at you for a long time, then smiled and nodded. "That's a great idea, my dear!" You giggled at the way his heavenly eyes shone and said that he could kidnap you at any moment. Also more interesting!

When you woke up on a random day of your vacation not in your own bed, but in a completely unknown place, at first you were afraid. But then you quickly remembered that you suggested it yourself. In addition, Satoru appeared on the threshold of a chic bedroom, who crossed his arms over his chest, smiled sweetly at you and wished you a good morning.

"How did you sleep, my dear? Everything okay? I tried to move you as carefully as possible. Oh, please don't worry. This place... is now your eternal paradise. And you will be with me forever."

You could only giggle inwardly and try to pretend that you were scared. You were waiting for walks (that is, attempts to escape) in the fresh air, delicious food, lack of people and only your beautiful husband!

As you ran away from him through the forest, you could feel your heart beating harder and louder. Satoru played yandere so perfectly! As usual, he was perfect in everything.

He looked at you as if you were a goddess, the most precious thing in his life that he would kill anyone for. He treated you like a porcelain statue, as if he was afraid of breaking you. He was angry and crazy when you tried to escape, always catching you and whispering in your ear that you would never, ever leave him. He tried to get your love and promised that he would kill anyone who dared to approach you, steal you from him.

You almost believed it was real.

On the last day of your vacation, you were sitting at a table opposite Satoru, drinking tea and smiling contentedly. Your little "game" has come to a logical end: you have surrendered to your "maniac" and agreed to be his and only his. Satoru sat across from you and smiled broadly as he watched you eat the sweets he bought for you.

–It's been a good two weeks, – you put down your cup and stretched. – I'm kind of sorry that I'll have to go back to work soon…

–M? What are you talking about? I told you, you'll stay with me forever. And you agreed. What kind of work can we talk about?

–Satoru, stop messing around, – you tapped him on the forehead. – I told you, 'game over.' And we have discussed this many times. I'll go crazy with boredom if I don't work. Plus, I love what I do, so…

–What game, my dear? – Satoru smiled innocently at you. – Initially, there was no game.

You looked at your husband... and shuddered. All this time, he played the role of a maniac who is obsessed with you so flawlessly... why does he keep doing it now, when you've already told him it's over?

–Satoru, this isn't funny, – you rolled your eyes. – By the way, where are we? I don't remember your family having an estate in the middle of the forest…

–This is my personal purchase. I bought it as soon as I saw you.

–Uh, cute... probably? Did you want to give me a present or something?

You watched as Satoru slowly got up and walked around the table. He put his hands on the back of your chair, and you shivered all over. You knew, knew that your husband was just joking… B-but why were you suddenly afraid?

–I must admit, you should reward me for waiting so long, – Satoru leaned in close to your ear, and you could almost feel his smirk. – I've been waiting so, so long for this moment. I've watched these pathetic humans interact with you, how they waste your precious time... how they take you away from me.

–S-Satoru… I told you... "game over"…

–O-o-oh, my precious, – Gojo took a lock of your hair and pressed it to his nose, inhaling the scent. – You're completely wrong. It's just getting started…

You jumped up abruptly and spun around. Satoru looked at you with... hungry eyes. There was a creepy smile on his face that sent goosebumps all over your body, but now you didn't feel as excited as you did a week ago. Now your husband looked like a maniac... instead of trying to play the role of a maniac.

You took a couple of steps away from him and slammed into the table. Gojo chuckled and held out his hand in your direction. The ring glinted on his ring finger.

–What's the matter, dear? Didn't you like it when I acted like an obsessive, jealous animal? That's what we came here for. Oh, I'm so, so glad that you accept me for who I am…

He started moving towards you, but for some reason you couldn't stop your body. You couldn't think, you rushed to the door leading to the veranda and burst out. Your feet started to lead you towards the forest. You grabbed your phone and started tapping your finger on the screen, not knowing who you were going to call.

Satoru followed you out and looked at your retreating back. Over the rustle of branches, you heard his hysterical laughter, which made your insides freeze. You almost stopped and froze in place…

–My dear wife, do you think I won't find you the same way I did all the other times? Back then, I didn't even try, didn't even use my Six Eyes… And now... now that you're running away for real, the hunt should be real too, right?

You ran, you ran, you ran... you hoped to escape, somehow. Fortunately, so far you've been able to make a call, and you've taken the opportunity.

–Yes...?

–N-Nanami-san! I-I need help right now! S-Satoru is chasing me! I think there's something wrong with him! I need someone to know my location on the signal!..

You yelled when Gojo suddenly appeared in front of you. You turned around and started to run, but his big, strong arm wrapped around your waist and held you close, holding you firmly in place. He put his other hand over your mouth. Somehow, your phone is trapped between his ear and shoulder.

–Gojo-san?..

–Oh, I didn't think you'd address me so respectfully, Nanamin! It's so cute!..

–In general, I turned to your wife, do not even hope. Gojo, what's up? What was that?

–Oh, remember what I said about the little themed vacation that (Y/N) came up with? – Satoru said that like he wasn't holding you in his arms at the moment. You tried to resist, tried to scream, but the sorcerer was just too strong. – She got so used to being the 'victim' that she accidentally called you! I'm sorry if she distracted you from your important bread things. She wanted everything to be as close to reality as possible.

–Yes, I would also call someone if I was kidnapped… In any case, I don't want to know what the two of you are doing there. Say to her "hi" for me. And also ask her not to call me with such "practical jokes". Realism is realism, but I might think that she was actually abducted by someone.

–Of course, of course! Bye-bye, Nanamin! I kiss you!..

–I didn't want to hear it.

As soon as Satoru took one hand away from you, you screamed. However, Kento didn't hear this because it was the first to disconnect from the call. Gojo silently put your phone back in his pocket.

You shivered all overas Satoru pulled you closer to him and leaned in close to your ear, his hot breath burning your temple.

–I couldn't stand having you around other people. I've waited so long to trap you… – Satoru kissed you on the cheek, then lifted your hand and kissed the ring on your finger. – Now only I can see your beautiful face, hear your angelic voice, and smell your divine fragrance… You'll be mine now. And that's what you've been dreaming about, isn't it? A normal person could not have imagined that they were being abducted by yandere.

You tried to resist, but you knew it was useless. Satoru easily hoisted you over his shoulder and carried you back towards the manor. Your own game... took you to the grave.

As you sat on the bed and tried to get as far away from Gojo lying on his side and smiling, you were horrified to remember every expression on his face, every movement, every word he said…

It was all true. Every threat to your family and friends, every promise to put you on a chain or put a collar on you, every word that Satoru is ready to destroy the whole world, if only you were near him… It was all true.

You always knew that your husband would fulfill your every wish. He just loved you so, so much! He always listened to you and tried to make you happy. But now you understood why this was happening. He was just luring you into a trap. He just wanted you to rely on him and him alone. He just wanted... to have you all to himself.

He will indeed grant you every wish... but not the one that concerned your desire to escape. This is now your new home. The home... right next to him and only to him.

[shawtythatluvsurgut]

hey guys. i got back from seeing my dad (i was gone all of september doing that) and realized that im $150 short on rent for this month. i lost around 50 subs from that one month i took away and i totally understand and am not mad at anyone for unsubbing, but it’s put me in a pickle for paying my rent in november. by a pickle, i mean that im $150 short. it’s embarrassing to admit this, but i miscalculated when i bought my tickets to stay longer and thought id have enough for my upcoming rent. technically i should have had enough, but losing that many subs really put a dent in my finances. i’m kinda stressing right now so if anyone can send anything id appreciate the help so so much. i will also send personalized content as a thank you. you can also help by subscribing to my OF (im back to posting somewhat regularly) so that we both benefit.

i’m sorry that the disneyland plan didn’t work out. i was looking forward to eating good, way too expensive food, but my dad’s health took a turn. that’s why i made the last minute decision to cancel disney and extend my trip in north cal. i couldn’t get a refund because disney is full of cash cows, so im kinda screwed right now. i’m glad i recalculated before the first of november hit because i can at least try to see if anyone can help.

also, i have video ideas coming to my OF. right now i want to keep my weight somewhat consistent or maybe gain slowly because i, too, have been having some minor health issues (not due to gaining, but gaining isn’t helping right now). I AM NOT LOSING WEIGHT OR PLANNING TO. I am just going to go easy on how fast i gain. i have a stuffing video planned for this month, along with my usual pictures semi-daily.

i just needed to be upfront and let everyone know what is going on with me. my dad is dying, i’m in school and i hate it, school has been taking up a LOT of my free time, i didn’t calculate my money correctly, and i got my meds switched. i feel like a zombie lately. and i may have lost a friendship/relationship that was very dear to my heart in the midst of this stress.

if i had other options, i would choose those first. but, unfortunately, i don’t. i don’t mean to sound like a bum asking y’all to help me financially or sub to my OF or whatever, but im kinda freaking out a little. so if anyone can help, even just an OF subscription, i would GREATLY appreciate it. even if it’s just for this month.

i feel so pathetic right now begging for help online, but hopefully my upfront honesty will relate to someone. sometimes saving is hard and i’m a blonde so ya know i can’t do math and idk im embarrassed. if anyone wants to buy a custom please message me on here or on OF if you’re subscribed. i’ll be putting in the work to try to bring y’all back and keep y’all satisfied. that’s a big priority for me and im sorry again to anyone who subbed to watch me eat at disneyland. i didn’t want to cancel that, but my dad was officially diagnosed with congestive heart failure on the day before i was supposed to fly down to LA and i couldn’t leave him. he’s put in the work to earn his spot back in my life and i couldn’t leave him the day he got that news. i love him and my mom despite any hardships and the last thing i could do was ditch him. i hope me being real helps you guys understand why i didn’t deliver on the disneyland content.

i understand if you are upset and you have every right to be! but i figured maybe being honest about what im going through could maybe help some of y’all build back trust with me. i feel very awkward and uncomfortable sharing such intimate information, but i think it’s what’s fair to all of you. thank you to all who have stuck around <3 and thank you to any/all who subscribe and/or send me money to help me out.

sending so much love to you all, as this has been a hard year for more people than just myself. the world needs a bit of honesty and transparency, and you all deserve that, so that’s what i’m going to give. <3

- Nico

[littlebluentebook]

Alastor x Sewing!Reader pt.4

Chapter 5

You tried to stay open 7-7 on weekdays so that way customers could come in both before and after work. This is why you were not surprised to hear the door jingle at half past five.

"Just a moment please!" you said cheerfully, attempting to finish threading your needle in full focus. "How can I help you today?" only then noticing Alastor in front of you. He was sporting his new coat and a bouquet of flowers.

"I just wanted to come visit you and say thank you for fixing my coat darling," he reached out to give you the flowers, "you will have to teach me how to make your treats as well. They were quite delicious." Alastor ate a bunch between his broadcasts spoiling his lunch but saving a few for his mother.

You smiled at that, " I am quite glad you enjoyed them! I will however be keeping that recipe to myself- its for special occasions only."

"Well then, I feel mighty special to be gifted them" Alastor quipped back at you. "How much do I owe you for the coat?"

"Not a pretty penny of yours doll! It was a favor for walking me home and letting me borrow your coat" you explained to him.

"Only if you're sure Y/N. I have got to be getting back home now, can't keep my mother waiting." he turned to the door.

"Of course! Don't worry her. Feel free to come back if you need anything else Alastor!"

"I may take you up on that my dear." With that, he walked out the door. Nothing but the flowers to signify he was ever there.

The flowers Alasor gave you were absolutely stunning. There were dark orange flowers that looked like an attempt to match the replacement lining and thread in his coat. To compliment there were soft pink and white flowers sporadically place in the bouquet. You went upstairs to your kitchen and brought down a vase for the flowers. Wanting to show off their beauty, you placed them on the center table of your shop. Here, you regularly cycled items such as tops, socks, mittens, scarves and other small items. You went around the shop and into your storage to find other colors that matched the flowers. On the table the flowers stood tall above the garments, all table colors matching.

The week went by quickly, Alastor's voice and memories both accompanying you while you sewed. You created lots of lace for the dresses Mimzy ordered. Next week you were supposed to stop by and take all of her performers measurements to actually start putting pieces together. Countless hours were also spent pre-beading and cutting fabric so all that had to be done was cutting and sewing to match sizes.

By the time Friday rolled around you were excited to leave the shop and go to Mimzy's. The nervous feeling was no longer there. You had Anne, Mimzy, and now Alastor to keep you company while enjoying the night.

"Y/N dear! Alastor and I were just talking about you!" Mimzy said with enthusiasm.

"Good things I can only hope?"

"Of course! He was just showing me how you fixed his tacky coat. I have been telling for ages he just needs a new one. He has appearances to up keep! It looks better now than when he first bought it."

You didn't know what to do with all the praise but it warmed your hear to know that people recognized your talents and were impressed with them.

"I just did what I saw fit, I do appreciate it!"

"Good evening mon cheri" Alastor said kissing your hand.

You two changed pleasantries about your week as Mimzy went to mingle with more customers. As you finished your conversation about to ask where Mimzy went, Anne stepped on stage about to start singing.

"Would you grace me with a dance?" Alastor asked reaching his hand out towards you.

"Absolutely doll" you said gently placing your hand in his outstretched one. He helped you up and out of your seat where you were previously conversing. As Alastor led you to the dance floor a man bumped into you tearing your grasp from him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry sir, please ex-"

"I know what you did." He cut you off. "You will suffer just as he did."

You turned as white as a ghost. No no no you migrated to New Orleans to get away from your old life. How did anyone find you?

"My dear! Are you alright?" Alastor asked finding you and reaching for your hand.

"Of course, just had a little scare and lost my footing is all."

Alastor gave you an eyebrow raise but didn't pry anymore.

All things considered the dance was wonderful. You both moved in sync, eyes focused on one another. He loved to spin you around and away from him only to pull you back in close. As the song ended you found yourself in a dip, a mere breath away from Alastor.

Mimzy cleared her throat "Lovely performance from the both of you, incredibly charming."

Alastor used his hand on your lower back to pick you up and steady you on the floor. He noticed you were still shaky and looking around the room from your encounter with the strange man earlier.

"Thank you Mimzy" he answered for the both of you. "We should get heading out soon shouldn't we darling?"

The night was still young but what the man had said to you made you want to leave as soon as possible. Plus, remembering last weeks sleep hangover you agreed. Finishing goodbyes again and talking with Mimzy setting up a time for instead her performers to visit you at your shop, you and Alastor were arm in arm walking out of the door. You turned around and took one last look and there you saw the man drag his thumb across his throat. What you didn't notice was that Alastor saw the man doing the exact same thing.

[lovefairymina]

Despite the peaceful ambiance of Rivendell's water fountains and gardens, Maglor found himself unbelievably anxious. He had taken the identity of Lindir, a simple musician who had come to live in the hidden valley. Most elves bought his new identity, save for a few who knew him personally. However, this time he found himself anxious because of you.

Elrond told him you had chosen to become immortal, which he thought wasn't possible. But again, you were someone who made impossible things possible. You had been traveling since the end of the first age, and today you had decided to come for a visit.

Maglor was not sure if he would be able to fool you with his false identity. You two were lovers after all. A part of him felt joyful at the thought of seeing you again while the other part caused him to feel fear since you knew what he had done after your parting. There was no guarantee you would be happy to see him again.

"It will be fine, Father. " Elrond suddenly snapped him out of his thoughts. "If anything, (Name) will be joyful to see you again," He comforted.

Maglor only nodded, not wanting to worry his son too much even though from the inside he was afraid.

He was there as you arrived on your horse. Maglor was nearly captivated as you still looked the same over the years. Your face was young and you possessed a few strands of grey hair. However, you still looked beautiful and your eyes held wisdom.

You smiled and embraced Elrond and his wife before turning toward Maglor.

"(Name). Can I introduce you to Lindir? Our newest musician," Elrond explained since Maglor asked him to keep up the appearance. You looked at Maglor curiously and Maglor nearly felt as if you already recognized him.

"It's lovely to meet you, Lindir," You smiled, shaking hands with him. Maglor felt baffled and wondered if you truly fell for his false identity.

Elrond then invited you for dinner where you shared interesting stories of your travels. Maglor was contended in listening to your voice and playing music again. It felt comforting and he concluded he would be fine with keeping up the false identity if it meant getting to stay near you.

However, he was wrong when you two were left alone.

"Lindir is quite a sweet name. Did Elrond come up with that, my dear Maka?" You asked with a smile.

He sighed. "It was foolish of me to think you would not recognize me," He said, making you chuckle.

"So... does this mean you are here to stay?" You asked as you got closer to him.

"Elrond brough me here. It is impossible to tell him no once he sets his mind to something," He said.

"Well, we raised him after all. And I'm happy to see you again," You said.

"I thought you would be more angry after what I did," He said.

"It's been years. You should know I'm not one to hold grudges. All I wanna know now if I can have you for myself from now on," You said.

Maglor looked at you with shock. "You still want me?" He asked.

"I never stopped loving you even after all these years. Now it depends if you are still willing to have me," You said.

"I would want nothing else..." He uttered.

"Good. Because this time I am not willing to let you go that easily." You uttered then turned his head to bring his lips against yours. The kiss was brief yet Maglor could not help but lose his breath and feel the tips of his ears heat up with fluster.

You chuckled. "It seems I still know how to steal your breath with one kiss only,"

The sincerity of your words made his eyes widen, the warmth of your kiss lingering on his lips as he blinked in disbelief. “I...I never imagined you’d still feel that way,” he stammered with a mixture of joy and confusion dancing across his face. He reached for your hand, his fingers trembling slightly. “You’re the one who stole my heart, not just my breath.”

[jamethinks]

*Scene: Loid and Yor talking about someone who is pregnant*

"I wonder what gender the baby will be?" Yor hummed while folding the stack of dresses for Anya. Loid wanted to help but Yor threatened to slit his throat so he opted to stay to the side and read his book. His "doctor" suggested that he take a few days off since his resting heart rate was concerningly high.

(And by doctor he meant Sylvia playing dress up).

"I personally dont care for the gender of a baby." he commented.

"Oh come on. You mean to tell me you weren't silently praying Anya was going to be a boy?"

Perhaps a boy would have gotten along better with Damian. Then again, there are many ways Anya lacks as a potential bait. He made a piss poor choice but it didn't matter in the end. He was stuck with her and all her shortcomings. Her many, many, many, many shortcomings. Hell, she was literally a shortcoming.

"I just wanted a smooth pregnancy and a healthy baby." Stay neutral. Then again, Donovan was a traditional man who probably wanted all boys. If Yor was to go back to Melinda and retell this conversation would his neutrality put off Donovan and doom the whole operation. "But if I were to have a second kid then I would prefer a boy. To keep things balanced."

"I always saw myself as a boy mom. Boys are so much sweeter and cuddlier. Yuri was such a dear growing up."

-

"Yor! Yor! Yor!" a tiny boy ran towards his sister a little flower in his hand.

Yor turned and looked at him with a bright smile. "Awe, Yuri is this for me?"

"Yup." he cheered. "When I grow I'm gonna get really rich so I can give you a million flowers every single day."

"Yuri, that's so sweet." Their mother commented.

"Yes son. But you should save the romantics for your wife." his dad added.

"But Yor's my wife?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"No. I'm your sister. Your wife should be a very special lady you plan on loving for the rest of your life. You'll find her when you get older." Yor corrected.

"But I already have someone like that. You sis." he was so innocent it pained Yor to have to constantly turn him down.

Their dad came over picking up the little boy. "You got the right idea but the wrong target."

"Don't worry he'll grow out of it. I hope..." their mother muttered a bit wearily.

-

Loid smiled awkwardly. So he's always been like that. "Haha I remember being that age. I would pick a bunch of flowers for her and try to make a bouquet."

"That is so sweet Loid. You just don't get that kind of treatment from girls."

"Oh I'm sure that's not true."

"Yesterday when we went on a walk, Anya kept trying to give me dead caterpillars even though she knows I'm afraid of bugs."

"That's Anya she's just an asshole. Nothing to do with her gender."

"And Becky?"

"Becky is an angel especially compared to that gremlin."

"You've never seen her with her mom."

-

Yor and Anya had been invited over to the Blackbells for a special tea party. Yor was excited to finally spend time with the Madam of the house, Isabel Blackbell. It was refreshing to have a chance to spend time with another girl mom. What she didn't expect was the odd tension between the mother and daughter. It was so weird watching an adult woman argue with a six year old.

"Were you dropped on the head as baby?" Becky spat.

"You were." her mother grumbled.

"Excuse me!" Becky yelled back.

"Miss Becky, inside voices please." Martha pleaded. "We have guest."

"I am so sorry for the noise. Becky is just throwing a tantrum because her dad bought me a bracelet instead of her even though she didn't want a bracelet." Isabel explained.

"It's not about the bracelet it's about the principal!"

"Wrong principle."

"I hate you!" Becky screamed before running off and flopping down on her bed. Isabell sighed and sipped on her fake tea. She sat up and turn. "Get out!"

"Well, Forgers would you like to head out? " she said standing up from the tiny chair.

With that they left to go downstairs. A few minutes later Becky came downstairs still clearly upset but ready to continue playing. She grumble the notion of apology before clinging to her mom the rest of the playdate.

-

"You caught them on a bad day."

"It's always like that. Fighting and squabbling. I'm worried Anya and I will get like that." Loid bit his lip. He didn't have the heart to tell her that is exactly what her relationship with Anya was like. It was fascinating how many of the conversations would just end in a screaming match only for them to be cuddled up under the blanket watching some cheesy movie. Anya didn't even like romantic movies but anything to snuggle with her mama.

Any mother-daughter duo knew had a similar combative dynamic. Or any older-younger woman combo. He has seen Handler and Nightfall bicker before suddenly gossiping about him (even though he was right there).

He feared the day Anya got old enough for them to start fighting over meaningful things.

"Your sample size is too small."

"Well maybe if Anya made more female friends."

"Becky is enough work for me. Not to mention I have to deal with your whining." Anya, who had quietly watching her show the entire time, suddenly added.

"Anya your father and I are talking. Stay out." Yor scolded. Anya hissed before turning back around. "Did she just hiss at me? Loid she hissed at me?"

"I'm sure those Desmond boys give Melinda a run for her money." Loid did not want to get in the middle of their war. He had a lifetime with these two, he needed to pick his battles.

"Don't change the topic." Now he was getting scolded. "But you're wrong. They're both angels."

-

When Yor arrived at the cafe she was immediately escorted to the back. In a small private room, Melinda was there with her head down on the table.

"Melinda what's wrong?" she sat up with running makeup and a strong pout before slowly raising up a small paper.

"Damian wrote a letter for me." She sobbed. "He spelled my name wrong and corrected it and wrote a little sorry. He wrote the entire thing in a blue crayon because he and I quote "knew it was my favourite colour" and then he apologized for not using a lighter shade of blue."

Yor covered her mouth, tears brimming in her eyes as well. She looked at the tiny letter, the endless scrawling from the first grader coming together to create such a sweet and adorable letter. She could see the little doodles and designs to help make it look pretty. He even tried to draw hyacinths as they were her favourite as well.

"He lost marks *Sniffle* because he put the first line *chokes* as Mama's room because he thought it was part of my address." she fell over crying again.

"He didn't even specify a dish instead he said he would he love it as long as I made it because he loves everything I make."

The two women sobbed over the letter for an hour.

-

Anya had to do the same thing. The assignment was to request your mom to make your favourite dish. Of course she decided to write one begging Fiona to make her that weird fish soup again. She did it in red crayon and tried to add tears for design but obviously the blue crayon in use so she stuck with the red. It looked more like a threat than a heartfelt letter. It didn't that the whole thing was in cyrillic.

She was supposed to fail the assignment (since it was supposed to be for your mom not your father's coworker) but Anya played the dead mother card forcing the lecturer to change the assignment not to exclude her. The teacher was surprised when Yor showed up for the PTA meeting excited to see her daughter's progress. By then the grades were already submitted so it was a lost cause.

As Loid said, it was more than her gender. Anya was just an asshole.

THIS USER DOES NOT SUPPORT GENDERED STEREOTYPES. THIS IS JUST MEANT TO MAKE FUN OF BOYMOMS AND POKE FUN AT GENDER OBSESSED PEOPLE. INSPIRED BY THOSE CRAZY BOYCAT TIKTOKS

[axcel-lucci]

R.I.N.G

PT. 2 from here (clickable)

Trafalgar law x reader

"Is everything going according to plan?" Law asked Bepo as he nodded excitedly

"We'll leave you tonight, captain!" Bepo gave him a thumbs up with a cute wink making law chuckle

"I hope nothing goes wrong..." He sighed and he placed a hand on his pocket to feel the velvety texture of a small box.

"Don't worry captain! We will keep an eye on the sub"

Law scoffed with a faint blush dusting his cheeks, "that's not what I meant... Idiot... I just hope I don't stutter out my words..."

"Calm down captain!" Bepo huffed with a cute face, "it's just (y/n)-chan! She'd definitely say yes!"

"Worst case scenario is she'd say no..."

"Don't dwell on that captain" Bepo pouted, "you should be preparing! Go. Go back to your room and prep yourself!"

"Don't order me around" law rolled his eyes but complied anyway.

Timeskip later that evening ....

The crew left to give them some space just in case they want to... DO the thing and might be embarrassing if the whole crew knows....

Law breathed in sharply before exhaling a small sigh, "(y/n)-ya? Are you ready...?" He knocked as he fixed his tie.

He wore a white dress shirt, tucked it into some black slacks and a red tie.

"Almost done... Just a minute" she called.

Despite the room technically theirs, law still wanted to give her some privacy while he goes over the words and gathering the courage to say those lines.

"I'm done!" She cheerfully exclaimed snapping law out of his own daydreaming

She opened the door to show him the dress she chose to wear

It was a red sleeveless dress that clearly hugged her upper body but had a free flow at the bottom as the skirt stopped above her knees. A black jacket draped over her shoulders and he recognized it to be that jacket he bought her.

He smiled softly at the outfit only to feel his jaw open agape at her entirely.

Her hair was fixed into what he'd call "10000/10" hairstyle and her eyes were sparkly as ever, her lips looked juicy and plush with a soft fade of pink.

"Law? What's wrong, dear?" She asked as law snapped back to reality and swallowed

"I... Uh... Uhm-" he swallowed again, he was internally cursing himself for stammering over his own words.

(Y/n) softly laughed and reached out a hand to grab his tatted ones, "calm down... You're stammering again..." She smiled and caressed his hand sweetly

He breathes in and out before smiling at her, "my apologies... You looked like a goddess on earth... I couldn't help myself"

She giggled and leaned in to kiss his cheek, "apology accepted"

Law swore he could feel his energy levels immediately spike before leading her to the gallery which was now a pretty dating place.

The chairs and tables were on the sides of the room with only a table covered in clothe and two chairs facing each other in the middle.

It was dimly lit by the moon and various candles, too.

"Let me help you sir" he offered, pulling out a chair for her and pushing it in when she sat down,

"Thank you" she hummed as he chuckled

(After the sweet date)

"The food is delicious...! I love it honey...!" She praised making law blush bright red.

He, indeed, was the one who cooked all the food they just ate. He was glad it wasn't mediocre and followed the instructions on the recipe book very closely.

"Thank you..." He muttered making her hum and hold his hand

He looked at her as she softly smiled, "I love this side of you... So caring and honest..."

If bright red could be brighter, that would be the shade Law's face is in.

She just laughed heavenly before he calmed down and swallowed thickly

"(Y/n)..." He muttered as she hummed and looked at him

His grip on her hand was slowly tightening before releasing a heavy sigh

"Remember the first day we met?" He smiled sheepishly

"Mhmm... How could I forget? I saved your ass"

"Yeah... And I'm glad you did...! Then I wouldn't have met you" he grinned softly, "ever since that day... I couldn't stop thinking about you, missing you.... It's like I couldn't bare the thought of letting you go. So...."

"You kidnapped me" she rolled her eyes, "it's alright though... I needed to get away from that island anyway"

"I'm sorry about that though..."

"It's alright"

"Where was I...?" He pondered before smiling, "oh that's right" standing up, he walked around the table as (y/n) watched him intently before he held both her hands and pulled her up to her feet as she gladly did so; "and from the day I confessed to now... Roughly two and a half..." He hummed, "you are the best thing that ever happened to me and the best decision I have ever made... You made me the happiest and the luckiest man in the world..."

Stepping away for a bit to kneel down on one knee, (y/n) just watched with slow realization as he pulled out the velvety box

"(Y/n)... Will you marry me and make me the happiest man in the world?" He asked as he watched (y/n) bring her hands to her face, her eyes fill up with water and she desperately tried not to let them fall and ruin her makeup but it did anyways.

If words can describe how you feel right now, the whole dictionary wouldn't be enough.

"Yes... Yes!" She gasped as soon as she can take hold of her own emotions

Law basically jumped up and rushed to place the ring on her finger as it shined in the blue light.

"It looks beautiful on you..." He smiled sweetly, "I'm glad you accepted"

"Why wouldn't I? I love you so much... Law" she answered while wiping away her tears and thankfully not ringing her make up THAT much. She still looked presentable.

"I love you too..." He sighs out and leaned in to kiss her in which she eagerly reciprocated as she threw her arms around his neck while his were wrapped around her waist.

One hand trailing up her back and behind her head pulling her deeper into the kiss.

Pulling away due to loss of breath, law placed his head on her shoulder

As soon as they regained their breaths, they stared at each other's eyes lovingly before slowly swaying unnoticeably.

Softly dancing to the beats of their now conjoined hearts, law could see his future in her eyes.

The wedding, the honeymoon, the children... Hell, even possibly the type of house they'd live in.

How he'd make Bepo the right hand man, a priest announcing their hearts being one to another... But he thinks the strawhat would be the ring bearer.

"I thought you'd never ask, baby" she smiled happily as he chuckled and kissed her again

"I'm sorry it took so long, I swear I was supposed to ask you last month but I kind of chickened out..." He chuckled to himself

"It's alright... The important thing is that... Everything is perfect." She smiled brightly

"Just like you..." He tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear making her giggle

"How about we seal the deal, hmm?" He grinned with eyes shining with lust, "I may or may not have prepared a specific room for the both of us just for tonight" he playfully winked making her blush

"Oh you..."

This time it was his turn to giggle.

"God, I love you so much"

"I love you more, Trafalgar (y/n)..."

[lyon-amore]

With you until the end of the world Chapter 1

If you want to leave it all behind, then you have to do it without anyone noticing. I started selling small things, which are not sentimental value so that no one realizes that I no longer have them. It was not difficult to get rid of them and I was able to start saving for my new life.

Then it was the clothes I don't wear. Clothes that I bought myself and I asked myself why did I do it? And they stayed in the closet, waiting for me to put it on. But I never got to do it. Yet another savings for me new life.

I sold the unopened makeup. I was going to replace the one that was about to end and I thought Is it really going to serve me when I leave? He wants me without having to be dressed up, why should I have it then? Another saving for my new life.

My car, instead of selling it completely, I decided to do it for parts. I put up an ad for people who needed a missing part. This was a little longer the process, since many did not know that it was true. It was a much slower save, but I made it for my new life.

Don’t withdraw all the money from the bank in one day, see withdrawing small amounts so that they don’t suspect. Every week I took a little, I was putting it all in a jar with those savings that I have been obtaining from each thing that I sold.

Perhaps the most difficult thing was knowing that I would never see my parents or my friends, so I spent as much time as I could with them. Laughing, remembering old times, sometimes crying over some bad memory. Or sighing for those loves that we had and that are now in a small box as a memory. I think the most complicated thing was my parents, knowing that I was not going to see them again. That they were going to lose a daughter just because she couldn't live without him. Without his presence. I try to write a letter, but every time I do, my tears soak the page. It's hard for me to have to explain it to them without sounding like a farewell letter, because it's only temporary. I need to be with him until a solution is found to get out of his problems. Many will think that it is the stupidest thing you can do for love, to leave everything for it. But isn't life about taking risks? I look out the window at the stray cats walking among the slight shadows that the buildings offer, singing their plaintive song. Cats that I will never see again. That I will not be able to feed them. A black cat approaches a peacefully lying white one and licks her head. The white yawns, stretching out her legs allowing herself to be groomed by the black. That cat has the same color of his eyes. I smile and resume my writing, hoping my words are understandable.

‘Dear Mom and Dad,

It may make you angry, but I have decided to do something that I never thought of doing in my life. I'm tired of waiting for something good when I've already found it and I don't want to let it go. It may mean nothing to you, but to me it means everything. In my life, I have always had everything: a loving family, good schools, a good university, a good job… but something was missing in my life, something that would make me get up every morning and make me say: “This is what I want”. Well, I ended up finding it and in the strangest way, but truly desirable.

I didn't want to tell you both anything because I know that you two would do everything possible to make me stay, not to leave. You yourselves have raised me to make my own decisions and not let anyone tell me what to do. That day has come and you don't know how eager I am to risk it all no matter what.

Maybe if I told you, you'll ask me “Are you sure you thought it through? Do you really want a life like that, knowing everything you've had?" and I would answer you "Yes, I want it." And I would have nothing more to say.

These past few months I've had a good time with you, reminiscing about the old days.

Dad, I keep all our stories that we have spent together looking at each report that you gave me to examine, having those 'Father-Daughter' moments that I enjoyed being your apprentice and that has helped me so much.

Mom, from you I have your pride and courage to be able to endure difficult situations. So I hope you know how I feel, because there was a part of me that wasn't happy. And I don't want that anymore.

You both have shown me what true love is like and I have found it too, just not like I expected.

I love you very much and I hope you understand that this is not a goodbye forever, but a see you soon.

Don’t cry too much for me, I’ll be fine.

With love,

Your only and beloved daughter.’

I review this last version over and over again, so that it does not seem like a letter in which they think that I am leaving this world forever. It’s a letter dedicated to the love I feel for them and for the one I feel for him, the reason why I decide to leave my life of luxury and satisfaction for another more dangerous and very complicated one. It's not something anyone would really choose, but I do. Because every second separated from him is like a second that little by little leads me to true death. Maybe talking this way seems crazy, but that's how I've always been, what in many years I hid from people. A person who feels that her heart cannot love in a normal way, who feels that I was looking for that special someone who would make me feel so many emotions that it was all I needed. A single day was not enough for me just to be with him. I needed to have it every day. And I know he thought the same thing even if he didn't say it. But I could see it in the way he spoke, in the way he looked at me. The way our hands touched and intertwined our fingers, the way his lips found mine, fitting like it was what I'd been looking for all my life. It sounds like a cliché phrase from a romance book, but it was how I really felt. As if all my life I had waited for him.

For Jake.

I decide to make a list of what I will wear and what I will sell out of what I still have left of clothes. I would have to get rid of everything that it cost me to obtain. One of those shoes that many people would envy. Now, they could get them. One more saving.

It took me a long time to have all the money obtained and I promised him that I would not contact him again until I had everything ready. I remember the discussion we had over the chat, he didn't want me to give up my life for him, that we were fine like this.

I didn't believe him.

I could tell by how slow he was in telling me what I was going to miss in having a wandering life with him. I told him I didn't care. He named everything I liked, clothes, parties with friends, dinners with my parents. I told him I didn't care. I knew what he was doing, trying to use psychology to change my mind, but I couldn't. I can’t. They could call me crazy, but that’s what I felt. It was like pulling a thread that holds us together, but I want to keep it close to me. And I worry about him.

I keep my eyes on each pot of money that I have been collecting, it has cost, but I have achieved it. I feel my heart beating so fast, I wonder if my neighbors can hear it. I get up and put the money in a bag, then put that bag in the backpack that I have prepared. I put on my jacket and lace up my boots tightly. Then I took the backpack, prepared with non-conspicuous clothes. Maybe it's true that I'm going to miss all those expensive clothes, but I can survive if I've done it these weeks.

I haven't told my friends at Duskwood anything, I knew they were going to tell me what I'm doing is crazy and I also don't want to have to listen to a speech from Dan telling me I'm going to regret it if I do it. Anyway. Who does not risk do not win. And I never liked losing.

It is quite late when I leave home, the city is already silent. As I hold the letter to my parents in my hand, I keep my thoughts focused on Jake. I can't wait to see him again. I'm looking forward to seeing his eyes again, hearing the sound of his voice or noticing the touch of his skin.. I want to be able to have those late-night conversations face to face. Maybe it's an obsession with him? It's a huge feeling, almost like the need to breathe.

Yeah, I guess it's part obsession.

I arrive at my parents' house, the urbanization is quiet. I know that if someone sees me, they wouldn't suspect me because they know me. I keep my gaze, remembering the good times I had, the sad ones, the craziest and most difficult ones. The one when I had to leave for a while and came back to go to university. I kiss the letter and put it in their mailbox, hoping they understand me and don't look for me. Because it's my decision. I’m an adult and it is my decision. They must understand it.    “I’ll be back, I promise.” I whisper, brushing the door with my hands. I have to do this. I pull out my phone and start texting Jake. He had to tell me where to meet. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jake

On the outskirts of the city.

Near the turnoff to the highway.

I will be waiting.

-----Jake has disconnected----- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I put my phone away and walk away without looking back. It will be much easier if I don't see it. I don't want to have to regret a single look.

It may have been a while to get there because from my parents’ house to the outskirts of the city, it’s almost from one end to the other. But this gives me time to make a list of things that I must leave behind so I don't regret it. My heart beats faster when I think I'll be with Jake and everything else doesn't matter. I will let my feelings for him rule my decision. It's easier for me if I think about him.

I manage to see a silhouette leaning against an old car. Despite the hood, I can recognize every detail of the clothes he's wearing. I came to count the pockets of those pants and the color of the strings on the sweatshirt. He's wearing the jacket that I said I liked the way it looked on him when I asked him to put it on for me. My steps quicken when I see that he is standing there waiting for me. He turns and I see how his eyes sparkle when he sees me. When I reach him, I jump into his arms and he manages to catch me. I lower his mask and I kissed him without being able to control myself. His reaction is the same as mine, kissing me as if it were a necessity. I play with his tongue, to which he responds by wanting to dominate me. Neither is capable of letting the other win, which makes the air no longer matter to us. His hands hold my back tight against his body and I pull down his hood to run my hands through his hair, gripping it tight. He slowly leads me to the car and picks me up to sit on the hood. I open my eyes, taking a desperate breath. Jake smiles at me, also breathing hard. He rests his hand on my cheek, stroking me with his thumb.    "You know what you're doing is crazy, right?" He asks me tucking my hair behind my ear. He really doesn't like my decision because of his voice, but not because of his look. He missed me and his eyes show it.   "I know." I reply, turning my head a bit to take his hand and kiss his palm, then hear his laugh.    "It's not an easy life, you know that?" He insists again, but decides to caress my lips with his thumb.     I smile looking directly into his eyes. No matter how many things he tell me, I won't change my mind.    “I can get used to it” I answer while playing with the strings of his sweatshirt ”, humans have that ability to adapt. Did you know that?”     He shakes his head, letting out a small growl, surrendering to me.    "You're crazy." he leans in, whispering to my lips.    "It's your fault for driving me crazy" I reply, brushing my lips against his ", you have to take responsibility."    “Well” he brushes my neck with his fingers, going behind the nape “ it's also your fault because I accepted not knowing how to live without you, angel.”     A small laugh escapes me, then playfully bites his lip. He lets out a moan as he notices how I put my hand under the shirt he's wearing, caressing his body sliding my hand down.    “We’re both crazy then.” I whisper back now.    “They should lock us up…”    “Yes, they should…”     We melted again in another kiss and slowly he lay me down. I hug him tight and he rests his arms on the hood. I let out a laugh, pulling myself apart a bit.    “I think this is an uncomfortable place to do it.” I reply, sitting up.    "Well, you're going to have to get used to doing it in uncomfortable places from now on." He offers me his hand to get me out of the car.     I roll my eyes and accept it, letting him guide me into the car. I sit in the passenger seat, turning the rearview mirror to see myself. My face is red, but not from the cold. The temperature has risen with our kisses.    “Unfortunately, the car will have to be abandoned halfway, I just borrowed it from a guy for a few to get away from the city” he says starting to drive “Do you think you can walk to the next bus station?”     I smile looking at myself in the rearview mirror. Crazy. Two crazy lovers unable to be away from each other. I turn to look at him, not erasing my smile. Willing to start a wandering life. A new life with the man I love. That being the case, perhaps the craziest thing I've ever done in my life.    “Yes I can.”     He smiles at me leaving me a quick kiss. Before you start driving. I close my eyes, noticing the breeze coming through the window, letting my temperature drop a bit.

And this is how the lovers began their new life.

[jeannereames]

The Importance of Space

Sometimes where we work matters. At least it does for me.

When my sabbatical was approved for spring of 2024, I assumed I’d do it where I’d spent most of the pandemic: my couch with a rolling laptop desk, and my kitchen table. I have an office at the uni, yes, but have never worked well there. As a grad student, I got used to research in my home space, and I never successfully transitioned to an office somewhere else. I have colleagues who can't work at home, for whatever reason, but I work best at home (even when my son was young).

For some time, I've planned to renovate my upstairs into an office after my son graduated and moved out, for “when I retire.” In fact, I bought this old (1936) house because it had a lovely open floor plan in the finished attic that just SCREAMS library/office. But it needed a split-AC to better control the temps, and serious updating. I’d even had thoughts of adding a little half-bath. I started saving up for all this as soon as I moved in, but it would cost a lot, so it became what felt like a “unicorn” long-term goal. My work for the ATG Netflix docudrama was to get additional funds towards that renovation sooner than “some day.”

This past summer, I finally had the split-AC done. Nothing else could move forward until that, replacing windows, and the potential half-bath. Yet estimates for the last were out of this world, post-Covid, so I decided to jettison the idea.

THAT meant—around August/September—I realized I might be able to get all the updates done in time for sabbatical.

You have no idea how much this recognition thrilled me. To have My Own Home Office (again), and make it just the way I wanted it (albeit without a half-bath). So, bids commenced. I had a GOAL, and a timeline. My sabbatical would begin January 2nd, 2024. And by golly, I was going to have my office (mostly) ready. That a retrograde Mercury would turn direct the evening of January 1st (my time zone), made me all the more convinced that it was the right date to begin.

Ergo, on top of the crazy teaching load, and editing for the Macedonian collection, I scheduled renovations. I just had to survive through December! It was sometimes anxiety-inducing, and half my library (non-academic) was up there. I had to pack all the books (c.1000+), move them downstairs, then move them BACK. Upside? I’ve been recording them with Library Thing as I unpack and reshelve, so I’ll finally have an accurate list of everything I own, at least at home. I’m also slowly using those same (emptied) boxes to bring home books and files from my uni office, for research. And for Christmas, my dear son made me a pair of custom sized-for-the-wall-space bookshelves, 5 feet by 5 feet. I’m tickled pink.

I even managed to find, after much searching, a desk and office chair that are low enough for a short person (The Struggle Is Real). They arrived just in time to be assembled before Jan. 2nd. It really did feel like FATE.

Oh, yes…best part. My office is inspired by Chefchaouen, Morocco’s famous Blue City, with bi-colored blue walls, white ceiling and accents, and a terra-cotta toned carpet. The various installers thought I was nuts until they actually saw it complete: ‘Oh, yeah, this really works.’ Um, yes. Yes, it does. Sun-yellow cushion and blue-yellow-white sheer scarf curtains complete it. Plus a beautiful blue-and-white bowl a student brought back from Morroco for me—the first décor I set out along with my reproduction of the gold sarcophagus from Royal Tomb II at Vergina that Beth Carney bequeathed me.

Eventually, once all the bookshelves are in place, I’ll decorate with photos from Macedonia. My dining room features photographs I took in Rome + a little Greece, the living room is mostly Greece…but my office? That’ll be Macedonia. Virtually all the pictures in the house (with a couple exceptions) I took myself.

There's still a lot more to do; less than half the books are unpacked. My white board isn't up yet, some furniture is still downstairs, BUT.

Today, I unpacked the Loebs I’d brought home, onto my new desk, and started organizing my research. 😊

[stopthatfool]

Concerning getting to know one's fic writer, inquiring minds must know: 8, 16 & 18

Inquiring minds would also like you to choose one question you're hoping someone will ask and answer it! (It always pains me when I desperately want to discuss something, but the prompt is never picked! So, pick that question! :])

Thank youu, I can't wait to learn more about your writing process!! <3

Woodsy!! Thank you so much for the ask (omg i'm so excited to answer these)!!

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or ending of a story?

Hmmmm... I think when it comes to fic writing I like the middle. Because i can just keep adding things and I don't have to worry about tying it all together to actually mean something. And the beginning is very intimidating. It's like the first page of new notebook or sketchbook. And the ending is very scary too, cuz that means it's over!

It's interesting though because whenever I watch movies, TV shows etc., etc., I always like the first movie/episode/season the best!

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

I have kind of a one track mind when it comes to writing, so I'm pretty much only thinking of Your jeep. Your teeth. The coffee that you bought me. and that 'universe' (omfg why did i pick such a long name). BUT! I have been playing around with the idea of telling this story through the perspective of Ice... I would love to get up all inside his head and figure him out!

I've also been thinking about like a 'prequel' to this story. Like what happened in '86 and when 'my' Mav and Ice taught at TOP GUN together. I, of course, have ideas and I have alluded to what their relationship looked like in flashbacks and some of Mav's internal monologue, but I think eventually I would love to actually put it in writing and map it all out.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with these titles?

I came up with the title of this fanfic during the writing process! And all of the titles are lines from Richard Siken's Crush-- which i had just finished rereading as I was writing the first part of the first chapter. The line "Your jeep. Your teeth. The coffee that you bought me." really stuck out to me as I was thinking about IceMav, because I've always really liked Val Kilmer's teeth (which sounds weird as i type it out.... but it's purely from an artistic standpoint and fascination). So the jeep that Ice has in the fic, along with the coffee scene after Mav is let out from the hospital were really inspired from this line!

As for the chapter titles, I decided to keep going with the Richard Siken theme. Whenever I need a break from writing, typing, or editing, that's when I begin to brainstorm chapter titles. I'll look back at my fav lines that I wrote down, or I'll just straight up reread poems to find something that fits whatever things are happening in that chapter.

Initially, chapter 6's title was "Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you" because of the first scene when Mav holds out a plate for Bradley. It wasn't until guns were brought up for like the third time that I changed the title to "It's a down right shoot-em-up."

Anyway! Long story short, it's just a process of going back and forth and reading poetry!

14. How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from emotional experience?

(the question i picked myself) I absolutely feel what the characters feel and draw from my personal experiences!! Most of Bradley's expressions of anxiety and sadness is inspired from my own teenage self (which was absolutely traumatic to look back on). Along with Bradley wearing Carole's old bracelet and Nick's old t-shirt!

One of my biggest goals within this story (along with other things), was to make these characters more human and really focus on their struggles-- therefore i write about things i know, aka my own personal experiences. Which can sometimes make things difficult to write, but usually it's okay!

Thank you so much for the ask Woodsy!! This was so much fun!! <333

[cyberphuck]

Collars Dot Com Ch1: Fuck You, Drunk Brian

In my defense: I was drunk.

It was Friday night, and I'd just turned in a big project and was celebrating by drinking alone, which I told myself was comfortable but felt pathetic.

I'd been half-watching something on HBO-- something with tits-- and scrolling through Instagram, and come across yet another one of Steve's daily Insta stories full of nothing but Bitte posing in different outfits, ass-up, pouting, hands bound behind his back in complex and intricate knots.

And I thought: don't I deserve nice things? I definitely deserve nice things.

Most of what I knew about Pets I'd learned from internet pop-ups and rumors I'd heard as a teenager that'd fueled my under-the-blanket jerk sessions for a long time.They were expensive. You fucked them (and bought them little outfits and made them pose for Instagram photos). What more was there to know?

I could have just swiped through Steve's Insta story and saved a couple of pics for use during me-time, like I usually did. I could have looked at the 'Pets' category on Pornhub. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. I deserve nice things.

Instagram's algorithm had helpfully provided a banner ad for Collars.com, which I vaguely knew as one of the biggest online sellers of Pets, or at least the one with the biggest advertising budget. I'd expected to be immediately confronted by someone's asshole, but clicking on the link brought me to a very businesslike website, pretty much like any other sales portal I'd ever ordered socks off of, though in this case all of the product thumbnails were photos of attractive young men. I clicked one at random.

His name was Poppy, and his photo showed him crouched on a studio floor, looking up at the camera with a heavy-lidded, mischievous expression. Olive-toned, brown-eyed, an absolute fuckton of thick black hair. The site listed him as ‘live-trained.’ Video thumbnails beneath his profile picture were labeled 'throat demo,' 'fours demo,' 'back demo,' and 'stim demo.'

The fact that I didn't know what the fuck any of that meant did not deter me, because it was 11:58 pm, I'd had most of a bottle of tequila, and I deserved nice things, dammit. So it might take a minute to find something I liked, I didn't care. I pulled down a menu at the top of the page and clicked 'browse by category.'

Live-trained. Toy-trained. Zero-touch. Raw. I was pretty sure I knew what 'raw' meant, though not why 'zero-touch' and 'raw' weren't the same thing. I didn't want that anyway. I chose 'toy-trained' and was brought to another page of thumbnails.

A boy looked out at me, tousled blond curls and long lashes, honey-colored eyes and freckles on his cheeks and shoulders. His photo had him with his back to the camera, looking over his shoulder like the girl in the Vermeer painting. His expression was the same as the painting, too: wide-eyed, inquisitive.

But his mouth... It was the mouth that I liked.

I clicked 'purchase' and didn't let myself look at the price. I clicked 'yes' on a number of different things that popped up without bothering to read them, hurrying to get to the final page, which said 'confirm payment.'

I fucking deserve nice things.

-

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS AUTOMATED MESSAGE.

Dear Brian,

This message is to confirm your purchase on Collars.com of the following items:

Spoiled Kitten Accessory Package (pink) Spoiled Kitten Toy Bundle (pink) Spoiled Kitten Play Basket Luxury Pet Lover Package, Rose Gold Edition Pet Adoption Starter Pack Pet Adoption Pro Kit 5-Year Pet Protection Program Empire-Class Escort and Shipping (Rush Overnight) New Pet Purchase (Toy-Trained, Premium Quality Young Adult Male)

Thanks for your purchase!

-- Collars.com Staff

Please see our website for information on our no-touch return policy.

-

What did I do?

What did I do?

God fucking dammit Drunk Brian you horny asshole I can't believe you bought a fucking Pet off the internet you live in a one-room apartment you're not a porn addict or a fucking Instagram influencer what are you even going to fucking do with it--

I rolled out of bed, put my bare feet on the floor, then groaned as the headache hit. I needed coffee, or water, or carbs or something, but the kitchen was a hundred thousand miles away and I didn't think I had the strength to crawl there.

I staggered to the bathroom instead, flipped on the lights, yelled, flipped them off, and turned on the faucet to slurp water from it. I groped a hand across the counter, trying to figure out which random shape was Tylenol. I heard the maraca sound of a pill bottle as it tipped over, grabbed it, and spent so long struggling with the child-proof cap that I was nearly sobbing by the time I got it open. I poured five tablets into my hand, threw them into my mouth, sucked them down with more water from the sink.

I hate you Drunk Brian I hate you why do you keep doing this

I made it to the kitchen, shielding my eyes from the nuclear flash of the living room window with one hand. I was going to have to make coffee by feel. As I loaded a pod into the one-cup maker I realized I was still holding the bottle of pills and squinted down at it to discover I had just taken five ibuprofen on an empty stomach.

I needed to eat something before-- don't think about it, don't think about it, turn on the coffee maker and there's probably something in the fridge you can reheat I hate you Drunk Brian I fucking hate you.

I was pouring milk into my coffee mug, hunched over and mumbling like a troll, when my phone lit up at the other end of the counter. I didn't really want to look at it, for fear of finding out that I had also texted three of my exes and brought an elephant, but I reached for it anyway.

Hi, Brian!

Your order has been shipped and will arrive between 4pm and 6pm today. Please be sure to have someone present to provide a signature.

-- Collars.com.

I looked at the clock on my microwave. It was 2pm. ko-fi - donate - AO3

[asexual-spongebob]

The Waves That Lap The Shore - Chapter 30 - Closing Time

Notes:

I can’t believe this fanfic is actually coming to an end- it feels like just yesterday this was just a concept. Just a thought. Just an idea. Just a drawing. But now here I am, many months later. Posting the last chapter… But don’t worry! Our beloved fish dudes aren’t going to be completely gone after this! I have a feeling I’m still going to think about this AU quite a bit. Who knows, maybe in the future I’ll post some one shots of them. And I know for a fact I’ll probably still make animations or pmvs with them most likely. I have actually made some pmvs of this au already if you’d like to watch them For yourself:) https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW7sHfzMCSsxyuwvZ9RvFfwjukOMHv1_3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Hey it’s Shellington! It’s been many years since the “Kwazii was bitten by a cobra”  incident. I still can’t believe that was 11 years ago! 

I’m thankful that he survived!

Now Kwazii’s the captain of the Octopod, Barnacles retired a few years ago and now lives up in the Arctic near Pearl and Bianca. 

Inkling is still here, somehow. Koshi helps ink out in the library. 

Me and Peso are happily married and have been for almost ten years! Our anniversary is coming up. 

Kwazii and Paani and Dashi and Tweak also got married many years ago. 

After the “Kwazii was bitten by cobra” incident Kwazii and Paani found a newborn kitten (which they named Kai, as it means ocean or sea in several languages.) and took her in. Kai is 11 years old and they are quite intelligent, they like watching me do my experiments. 

Me and Peso also have a child  as well, their name is Lucia and they are almost 11 years old, she’s an albino sea otter and I saved her from being eaten by a predator. 

Periwinkle is now in college and is majoring in Marine Biology, we still talk quite often. 

We look back fondly (or… not so fondly) on our adventures (and misadventures) together. 

Like that time Peso got moonstruck and through that party, or our crazy times in the Amazon! Or the time Paani forced us all to watch (or in me and Dashi’s case, rewatch) Invader Zim. We all became fixated in the process-

Anyway. Thanks for reading our story :) 

~ Shellington Sea Otter.

Notes:

Holy shit that was a wild ride. I just want to thank everyone for reading this fic, leaving a comment, leaving kudos, likes or upvoting, it really means the world to me. I genuinely didn’t think so many people would want to read this kind of fic, but boy was I mistaken. I’m honestly very proud of this, this is the first ever long fic I actually finished and didn’t abandon. How I even thought of this AU was I saw my dear friend, Midori’s Octonauts Mermaid AU “Reclaimed By Nature” (which by the way, is a very good fanfic, I’d definitely recommend giving it a read! Especially if you’re a fan of Kwazton and Pearlanca! You can read it here: https://reclaimed-by-nature.carrd.co/) And I thought that was pretty neat. So I wondered to myself “huh… what if I made a H2O x Octonauts AU?” So I started to think of concepts. I had a couple in mind, one of the first being that Shellington would keep the secret much longer (he didn’t even tell Peso for awhile, which he would’ve felt very guilty about) and that he would’ve been very stressed about keeping it hidden from everyone. (Which, was inspired by a merman Lewis h2o AU fic I read, called H2O: A New Tail) Another one I had was basically the same as the first, but Peso would’ve found out sooner, as he would’ve gone after Shellington after got splashed while they were cleaning the beach, and he would’ve found him in the kelp forest. Shell would’ve tried to tell him that it was just a costume but Peso wouldn’t have really bought that so he would’ve told Peso the truth and Peso would’ve been like “it’s okay I still love you :) <3” One of the things I originally planned for this fic was that it’d be short, around 12 or 13 chapters, and that It’d just be about the lives and times of Peso and Shellington after Shellington became a merman. But now here we are, many chapters and scrapped concepts later- I actually even have an AU of this AU, it’s basically where I put all my scrapped concepts (one of the being that Paani was always a merm, I even wrote a short one shot about it, which I’ll probably post sometime soon) I named it “The Sight”. I originally planned for this fic to have 40 chapters, but I realized that many of them were unnecessary, so I scrapped most of them, other then my concept for chapter 35, which I kept and incorporated into chapter 29. Also I might make a story about Kai and Lucia??? If y’all really want that… It’s probably not gonna be anything big, just one shots or something but I mean maybe? If that’s what y’all want? Like I’d be happy to write a short fics on their origin story’s. After this fic, I might write a fic for another Octonauts AU I came up with that ive nicknamed “Invader Kwazii”. It’s an Invader Zim x Octonauts AU where Kwazii is sent to conquer Earth by The Tallest (who are Barnacles and Inkling) because they think he’s worthy of it. And it’s basically the plot of Invader Zim after that, there’s a few differences (like how it takes place in high school) tho, but other then it’s very similar to the plot. It also has Kwazini. It’s a little passion project for me, not to mention I’ve got plenty of ideas of how I want it to go. Another AU of mine I’ve been thinking about writing is my “Vampire Kwazton AU” it’s basically a AU where Shellington is a vampire and it takes place during the early 1990s when Grunge music was the big thing. It’s still a w.i.p but that might be a fic I write in the future, if I do I might just be a ficlet collection or something of the sort. Another fic I have I in mind is for my “Shellinoir” AU. Which will probably be a series of one shots. I came up with it after watching the SpongeBob episode “Squid Noir” which is where I got the title. It’ll likely be just a series of one shots. I also am currently pre writing an Invader Zim AU fanfic, it’s an AU where Dib and Gaz are sirens. I’ve currently got some chapters of it already written, however I want to finish it before I post it. I feel like this fic has taught me a lot and I’m glad.

[yuuniee]

🐍 إلى مفتاح قلوبنا 🧵

(To The Owner Of My Heart)

A/N: A happy (VERY VERY late) birthday to Jamil, and happy meal for Desert Puppeteer enjoyers even though it’s a bit short. Enjoy your meal and don’t forget to chew a lot and swallow~ (/j)

Taglist: @ameleii @achy-boo

It was the time where the birds would chirp together, golden and red leaves slowly fall from trees. It was truly a relaxing day for everyone.

...Except for one person.

Farah, who had been working at Sam’s Mystery Shop to make enough money for the limited edition matching keychains and the mixer as to replace the broken one, was sleeping there on the floor in a sleeping bag. Needless to say, he was surprised to see that the little imp was sleeping on the floor, or so he calls her.

He poked her cheek to wake her up, causing her to get startled.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were this desperate to get something, Li’l Miss Farah!” He asked her with a smile.

“Mmh...” She rubbed her eye and sat up like a worm. “Good mornin’, Mr. Sam.”

After the realization dawned on her, she immediately unzipped the sleeping bag and got out of it.

“I-I’m sorry! I was planning to go back to my dorm after cleaning up here but... I think I forgot to actually go...” Her cheeks visibly flushed as she mentally facepalmed herself.

As a response, he chuckled.

“Working overtime here has actually tired you out, hm?” The shop owner said while turning on the lights.

“...A bit. Nothing I can’t handle.” She dryly replied, steeling her nerves at anything that he might say or do.

“Could it be..? Are you working to get a gift for someone special?” He raised an eyebrow with a smirk.

“Yes-- No! I-I mean...” She looked away in embarrassment.

“It’s OK, don’t worry! Now come on, we have to prepare the Mystery Shop for the day!”

After she dusted herself off, she sat up and helped Sam prepare the shop and headed to the school like nothing happened.

—

As Farah was done with her shift for the day, she lightly tapped on Sam’s shoulder.

“Mr. Sam, I’ve been saving a lot of money for a while, and I would like to buy some stuff if that’s alright with you.”

“Oh, what is it?” He politely asked, to which resulted in Farah walking over and point at a couple of things.

“These keychains and that mixer...” She replied, “About a month ago, one of the mixers in my dorm broke down because of some idiot who thought it’d be a good idea to mix a hardened dough with it... So I worked here in order to get a new one while using other dorms’ mixers. I didn’t wanna trouble anyone with it, so I worked hard to replace it myself.”

“I see, so that was why you’ve been insisting on taking night shifts as well...”

She nodded as she handed him the money.

“May I buy them?” She asked with a serious stare before looking away. “...Please?”

The young man smiled and put a hand over her shoulder.

“Of course, go ahead!” He winked as the Scarabian before him was left stunned.

“Okay, Mr. Sam.” Her face brightened up while she carried the things she bought carefully to the next place she’ll go.

—

As Farah was done with her shift in Mystery Shop, she got back to her dorm with a huge box in her arms. It was sloppily wrapped, but ready to be given to the birthday boy.

She looked around the crowd to search for her beloved. After a while, she spotted the all-too-familiar feather accessory and moved towards it while muttering ‘excuse me’s, politely asking others to let her through. It wasn’t too long before she managed to reach to him.

“Albi?” His face visibly brightened up when he saw her face, “I am glad you made it. You told me that you were going to be really busy this week.”

She smirked and placed the box next to the table.

“I wouldn’t want to miss this special occasion to give something nice to someone I cherish this much.” She replied and hugged him, “Happy birthday, habibi... May it be full of joy and happiness for you.”

The vice leader simply chuckled and brushed her hair off, then kissed her in the forehead.

“Thank you, my dear.” Then he cupped her face and kissed her on the cheek.

She held his hand and leaned in to kiss him, causing his cheeks to flush in embarrassment. Then she whispered in his ear with a grin.

“I loooooove you~”

Then giggled despite the young man glaring daggers at her.

“Do you really have to do this every time we are in public?!” He elbowed her while turning his flushed face away. Farah playfully hummed in response and kissed his cheek while carrying the second box to the kitchen.

When she arrived there, she quietly made her way to where the broken mixer was and her eyes widened in shock. Because it was already replaced with a brand new one. The creaking of the door instantly snapped her out of the thoughts rushing in her head.

“I knew you were doing something to replace it.” The familiar voice of the birthday boy was heard. “I already told Kalim the next day that it was broken, and we already found the culprit and he had gotten suspended...”

She slowly lowered her head in defeat, but instantly flashed a smile.

“Whoops. Looks like I got caught, huh?” She sheepishly said, rubbing her neck. “Can’t expect anything to miss from your sight actually...”

Jamil sighed and shook his head.

“You needn’t have to work so much, you could’ve just told Kalim or me.” He said, voice laced with pure concern, frowning at the sight of her tired face. “If you need to rest, then you can. I don’t mind.”

“Says you, the king of overworkers.” She rolled her eyes with a scowl appearing on her face right after, “You always work so much until you get exhausted. And just so you know, I really hate to see you this way.”

“But you know about my duty Farah...” He replied.

“Of course, of course... But...” She closed her eyes and trailed off. Then the sound of his footsteps coming closer to her became louder until he was right in front of her. He brought a hand over her cheek and touched it.

“I very much understand your concern about me and my well-being, my jewel. I find it quite endearing.” His gaze met hers, “At least I got to rest today. The students were the ones that arranged everything for the party.”

The girl tilted her head, some of her short, midnight blue strands falling on her face. Just for a moment, she wanted to hold him. She awkwardly opened her arms for him for a hug, and she felt her lover’s embrace after a few seconds.

“Jamil...” She muttered, “I need to tell you something.”

He looked at her with his concerned look returning again.

“Ever since we started dating, I haven’t been able to say this out loud but... I really hope I showed it...” She pressed her lips together and exhaled, “I love you so much, maybe even more than you think I do.”

“You did.” He responded shortly, “I can see it well. But just don’t do it in public.”

She tilted her head again.

“Why? Only stuff I do is hugs and kisses.”

“It’s embarrassing...” He said with his cheeks flushing, turning into a slight shade of crimson color.

“I find it pretty cute though.” She grinned while wrapping her arms around his neck. “Very cute for a man who would cause some ladies to pass out with a single look...”

“Is that so?” He raised an eyebrow and grinned back at her. “Then prove it, Albi.”

“Well...” She said and kissed him on the lips while touching his cheek. Then she broke off the kiss and cupped his other cheek with her free hand. “Who wouldn’t fall for someone with beautiful eyes that looks like a pair of obsidian, glistening lips, handsome face... Augh! ...Y-you do get what I mean, right?”

His laughed and gently stroked her cheek with another smirk.

“Of course I do.” He replied to Farah who was too flustered to speak at the moment. After composing herself, she held his hand and looked away for a second, then looked at him in the eye again.

“Say, Jamil... Would you like to go back to the party together? I-I’ll be there, next to you, holding your hand like this...” She gave his hand a gentle yet firm squeeze.

“I’d be delighted to.” He replied and swept her messy bangs, then kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger longer than his usual pecks.

“T-then let’s go, okay?” She mumbled and walked out of kitchen to the party venue while holding his hand. Then she looked back at him, gave him a slight smile and mouthed a quick ‘I love you so much, Jamil Viper’.

‘Perhaps this is the best birthday I’ve ever had thus far...’ He thought to himself while they were walking. When they arrived, he felt her thumb brush against his hand looked at her. Then he noticed her smiling at him as well.

“I love you too, my dearest.” He said while leaning into her ear, causing her to get flustered again.

“You’re lucky it’s your birthday...” She said while turning to her front.

“With you being the best present?”

“Maybe...”

He leaned again and kissed her on the cheek too, then whispered.

“Then I am glad to have such a good present being given to me...” He said while sitting on a pillow.

She lightly smacked his shoulder while sitting on the pillow next to his. But then she laid her head on his shoulder and hugged his arm.

“...Again, happy birthday Jamil...” She muttered. “May it be the best year for you.”

“Thank you, my dearest.” He replied and laid his head on top of hers.

As they sat together, Jamil closed his eyes and quietly wondered what will the next year bring to him. Then he looked at Farah and smiled.

‘This year brought me a miracle... Next year, who knows?’

Then he closed his eyes again and intertwined his fingers with hers, letting himself relax just for this moment. Even it was fleeting, he secretly wished moments like this with her would last forever.

[soldat-buck]

HELLO, just fyi I'm a little less into Bucky and a LOT more into Astarion now

idk if I'm going to change the name/theme of this blog, or post on main, or just leave everything as is and send confusing messages with every post on this blog. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS

also i've been through some REAL SHIT over the last two years. my mental health is absolutely not the same. i am not the same person any of you have known. I knew moving in with MIL to the shitass state of North Carolina would be difficult, we had the chance to escape right at the end, but like Orpheus, I looked back at Eurydice and now i have been trapped in Southern Passive Aggressive hell.

on the bright side, my mil is insane and makes herself suffer too. on the unbright side, no matter how small i make myself, she's getting worse (and more scared of me???? i do not understand). she's started up with "praying all night that you'll start going to church and never drink alcohol again" type bullshit

my car got totaled at the end of November and my dear brother bought me Baldur's Gate 3 as a get well soon present. I cannot fully express how much this game has saved me - this stupid obsession over a gd vampire elf is honestly one of the few reasons i wake up in the morning. playing the game and keeping the stabbing urges to virtual people, writing dumb little scenes because I can hear Astarion snark stupid shit or picture him dealing with some ridiculous scenario or another - sounds unhinged, but it's been keeping me going.

i'm not really allowed to exist in the house i'm alive in (saying i'm "living" here makes it sound like i have free, unadulterated access to things like "cooking utensils", "work/craft spaces", "a flushing toilet and running water", "using the tv for gaming instead of watching tv", "using any of living spaces to live, instead of empty space to look at", "my cats"). i'm not quite at the end of my rope yet, but gods DAMN, in a way i feel feral. done with this. done with the next person who wants to control and micromanage me. numb. i want to bite someone.

i had a biopsy the other week with zero pain management (no ibprophen or anything). i didn't flinch because i just didn't care about the pain. i'm so shut down from stress that hunger pains mean nothing to me. it's just a sensation that happens sometimes. being reached into and having pieces literally plucked out of my body? eh, that's a thing that happened. get into a car wreck with huge Crayola marker purple bruises? i walked away with little problem.

*deep inhale*

anyway, ALL THAT aside, i'm really into Astarion now

i think it's equal parts "crush" and "intense gender envy", tho it might be swinging a bit harder into the envy part.

[menageriemadness]

Pancho’s Myopic Movie Review - II : Dungeons and Dragons - Honor Among Thieves

Part I: I Roll to Seduce the Dragon

Ah! At last, a true fantasy flick that would make Roger Corman eat the script out of sheer jealousy knowing that he himself, the king of schlock, would not be able to replicate it even with a trillion monkeys plunking away at hypothetically hyperbolic typewriters.

Yes, dear readers, it is once again time for a Myopic Movie Review from your humble narrator, JP Pancho, fresh from overseeing a new batch of films delivered to the Menagerie via semi intelligent rocks rolled downhill toward a small Tibetan village.

2023 gave us many thrilling and unexpected outcomes, Zelinsky, hallowed be his name, kicking Putin in the teeth, an indictment of a former president, and Paramount producing what is likely the be the best fantasy flick of the decade - D&D: Honor Among Thieves.

Our story takes place in the D&D campaign setting of Faerun ie the Forgotten Realms. Actor turned director Frankie “the Destroyer of Box Offices (and orifaces)” Daley teams up with small time director Jonnny “Boi” Goldstein and deliver a pithy, action packed, and simple adventure that harkens back to the golden era of 1980s schlock with a modern flair for comedy, on screen table humor, and a real multi million dollar studio budget.

What we are left with is a stunning masterpiece of epic and small scale proportions. Even the stakes, which continually raise throughout the script never turn into saving the planet or the Realms themselves, just saving a single, albeit famous, city from the sinister mechanizations of an evil Thayan scheme. Overall - it’s low stakes, and for that, dear readers, your humble narrator is enterally grateful.

I saw this movie alone after a really rough day of feeling hopeless about the future and frustrated with the creeping walls closing in around me. I decided to go see it, bought the tin bucket hat and bladder buster cup, and tromped inside the theatre to find myself the only familiar in the whole town who wanted to see this movie opening weekend. It was empty.

What I saw blew my mind from the first 10 mins.

I laughed. I laughed so hard I cried. I even teared up a few times at some of the genuinely simple and heartfelt monologues and troubles the characters faced. When we came to the pivotal “all is lost moment” I was completely subverted when they all simply sat on a stump and had themselves a group hug. SIMPLE.

That’s all I have to say about this movie. There’s nothing insanely clever or deep about this plot, dialogue, or characters. It’s simple. Simple. Simple. Simple. And I love it. Theres a Druid who doesn’t like people, a barbarian with a penchant for halflings, a Harper bard who’s given up on life, an uptight Thayan paladin who doesn’t understand turn of phrase, a wizard who sucks at wizardry, and a conman who cons his way right into my heart. Nothing wild, nothing new, but the actors really did a great job making me feel like it’s a motley band of nobodies thrust into plans way above their level range. There’s a giant bridge that they need to cross, but it’s rigged with deadly traps. As the truly bearably unbearable lawful good paladin explains the intricate manner in which they need to cross, someone sets off the trap and the bridge collapses. That’s it, nothing more. No huge danger, only a new obstacle they have to work together to solve - just like the tabletop rpg.

When they see the city in peril and they have a literal ship filled with gold and all Chris Pine can say is “ah, shit,” and turn the boat around (because they all need the xp to level), definitely says it all. I remember my own experiences in rpgs where me and the party did the exact same thing. We turned our asses right back around and we defended the town, because that’s what heroes do.

The simplicity of the plot along with the heartfelt, funny, endearing characters and their clear motivations drives the plot and keeps the action quick. I love that everyone has a moment of defined growth as well, either letting go of something or learning to overcome their own insecurities. It’s never anything truly massively deep, but it’s real problems we all face - imposter syndrome, loss of loved ones, trusting new people, and learning to let go of the past and embrace the now, looking toward a brighter future. There’s plenty of wonderful moments where I can just see a party of adventurers on their own little D&D adventure getting told what epic things are happening in game, but this time we get to see it live action and in person - the obese dragon (great lore reference from Forgotten Realms for all you nerds), the exquisite Druid chase scene, beating up a hobgoblin in prison, Jarnathan’s escape, the old west street battle with the red wizard (and a tumbling basket - lol), a reference to the D&D cartoon during the Games, and seeing Hugh Grant’s face on the Goodyear blimp - chef kiss 😚 it’s a treat.

Speaking of live action and in person, the special effects are absolutely incredible. I haven’t seen such a good mix of CGI and practical puppetry since probably The Sorcerer’s Stone, and Jarnathan and the dragonkin and the furries are all charming and made me almost spit out my popcorn because I wasnt expecting such good puppets and animatronics.

There’s a scene where our heroes get sucked into the ground. I was shocked to discover it was all practical - they literally dug a pit and had them sink in it. Praise Helm!

What more can I say about this incredible film? Much, much more, but unfortunately, dear readers, all good things must come to an end, and your humble narrator needs to be off on a special task for the Menagerie - mucking out the vile Mephits who’ve taken over the water closet.

I give this movie an arbitrary score of one childhood and a late night college D&D session out of 7. If you haven’t seen it, please go watch it. Mind you, it’s not the best movie ever written, it’s not the best acted movie either, but it’s full of whimsy and charm, and I’m pretty sure Roger Corman is hastily writing a script to combat it, if only to cash in on the zeitgeist.

Alas, our time in the Menagerie has come to a close. Until next time, dear readers. I hope all is well in your world, for if it is so, then it is as well in mine.

Your Humble Narrator,

J. P. Pancho

[jelidium-gellyfish]

Dear the Night I Love / かぼちゃfeat. 藍月なくる [Fan Translation]

Dear the Night I Love / Kabocha ft. Aitsuki Nakuru

[Lyrics / Furigana / EN Translation] [歌詞 ・ふりがな・英語の翻訳]

—

「見たわね？ 見られたからには、死んでもらう......」 「みたわね？みられたからには、しんでもらう......」 “You saw it, right? Since you have seen everything, prepare to meet death…”

美しい月夜に 運のない男ね うつくしいつきよに うんのないおとこね On a beautiful moonlit night, the tale of a luckless man

私が噂の Vampire Queen わたしがうわさのVampire Queen Before him, I am the rumored Vampire Queen

教会の異端審問官に 負わされた傷も * きょうかいの(いたんしんもんかん)はんたい に おわされたきずも The wounds inflicted by the inquisitors of the church

お前の血が 癒やすでしょう おまえのちが いやすでしょう With your blood it is sure to heal me

急に何よ 綺麗なんて 言われたことがなくて きゅうになによ きれいなんて いわれたことがなくて What so suddenly, things like I’m pretty, these words that I have never been told

私を死ぬ前に描きたいって わたしを死ぬまえにえがきたいって Before I die, I want to make you a masterpiece, he said お前って画家なの ふーん？ おまえってがかなの ふーん？ You’re one of those painters huh, hm

Dear The Night I Loved

私、綺麗なの？ 鏡に映らないこの身を わたし、きれいなの？かがみにうつらないこのみを Am I not, just beautiful? The reflection of this body the mirror doesn’t show

見てみたい そんな願いが ふと過ぎったの みてみたい そんなねがいが ふとすぎったの I want to see, such a fleeting wish suddenly inside of me

勘違いしないで いつでも殺せるわ かんちがいしないで いつもころせるわ But don’t get it wrong, I can end you at any time.

「モデルってじっとしてなきゃダメ？ “You can’t move while modelling?

くしゃみくらいはしてもいいのよね？ But it’s okay to sneeze, right?

ねぇ、私、変な格好してない？ ねぇ、わたし、へんなかっこうしてない？ Hey, I’m not dressed up weirdly, am I?  

流行りの服とか良くわかんないんだけど はやりのふくとかよくわかんないんだけど I’m not very familiar with what’s fashionable but

お前が買ったこれ、ち��んと私に似合ってるんでしょうね？ おまえがかったこれ、ちゃんとわたしににあうってるんでしょうね？ I guess since you bought this, I suppose it suits me, right?

……？ 寝癖！？ ダメよ！ ……？ねぐせ！？ダメよ！ ……? Bed hair!? No way!

寝癖は描かなくていいわ！ ねぐせはかかなくていいわ！ There’s no need to draw the bed hair!

高貴なVampire Queenに寝癖はいらない―― こうきなVampire Queenにねぐせはいらない―― A noble Vampire Queen doesn’t have any bed hair-

――何笑ってんのよ！」 ――­なにわらってんのよ！」 -what are you laughing about!”

画家との日々は まぁ 悪くはなかったわ がかとのひびは まぁ わるくはなかったわ Each day with the painter, well, it wasn’t so bad after all

そんな自分に戶惑って そんなじぶんにとまどって And only confused more inside of me

完成した絵を見たい でも、完成してほしくない かんせいしたえを見たいでも、かんせいしてほしくない I want to see the finished piece and yet, I don’t want it to be complete

過ぎ去る日に乱されて すぎさるひにみだされて Each day passing continued to bother me

人と怪物だってことを 時々忘れそうで ひととかいぶつだってことを ときどきわすれそうで I seem to often forget that we are just, in the end people and monsters

独りで これまでも これからも 私は夜を彷徨う ひとりで これまでも これからも わたしはよるをさまよう All alone by myself up until then and from now on, wandering the night I shall continue

Dear The Night I Loved

私強いの 闇をも従える力で わたしつよいの やみをもしたがえるちからで I know I am powerful, even with strength to conquer over the darkness

どうして振りほどけ無いの 触らないで どうしてふりほどけないの さわらないで Yet even so, why can’t I break from you? Don’t you dare touch me

勘違いしないで 容易く殺せるわ かんちがいしないでたやすくころせるわ But don’t you get it wrong, I can end you quite effortlessly.

「......良く描けているが、罪深い絵だ。 「......よくかけているが、つみぶかいえだ。 “… A skillfully rendered painting, yet it is steeped in sin.

我々は神の威光を称える芸術以外、認���ていない。 われわれはかみのいこうをたたえるげいじゅついがい、みとめていない。 Any art that does not glorify the Majesty of our Lord, we do not condone of.   

モデルとなった吸血⻤の居場所を、答えてもらう」 モデルとなったきゅうけつきのいばしょを、こたえてもらう」 The whereabouts of the vampire who served as the model, you shall disclose to me now.”

教会の 拷問に遭った 傷だらけの お前を抱く きょうかいの ごうもんにあった きずだらけの おまえをだく The torture from the church and now, clutching to your body, covered in wounds

私を売れば 命くらい 助かったはず わたしをうれば いのちくらい たすかったはず If you only sold me out, you could’ve surely saved the life that you had

勘違いしないで 私はお前を 殺すつもりだった かんちがいしないで わたしはおまえを ころすつもりだった Please don’t be mistaken, I had always been planning, that I was going to end you

勘違いさせないで かんちがいさせないで Please tell me I’m mistaken

Dear The Night I Loved

「こんな綺麗じゃない」 「こんなきれいじゃない」 “I’m not this beautiful!”

お前が遺した絵の中で 柔らに 少女が微笑う これがそうなら おまえがのこしたえのなかで やわらに しょうじょがわらう これがそうなら Within the painting of me you left behind, is the face of a girl smiling gently. If this is to be it

涙で崩れた私は何なの！？ なみだでくずれたわたしはなんなの！？ Suddenly breaking down into tears, what am I supposed to be?

Dear The Night I Loved

私強くない わたしつよくない I am not all that strong

お前が描いたこの感情を 窓から夜明けが照らし 遠く隔て おまえがえがいたこのかんじょうを まどからよあけがてらし とおくへだて And the emotions that you painted across your piece, from the window as daybreak shines through, are now long gone from here

勘違いじゃなかった 殺せぬ想いだけ 夜へと 連れ去るわ かんちがいじゃなかったころせぬおもいだけ よるへと つれさるわ I was never mistaken, with my unkillable feelings into the night I’ll take them away

—

*Line 4: 異端審問官 (itanshinmonkan – inquisitor), the vocals sung are ハンター (hantaa – hunter), sort of like “The church hunters” Thank you @DustDream_0 on YouTube for the correction!

This was actually fun to come up with ways translate and to keep the tune! Kabocha’s lines are also in tune if you try to read it as fast as it’s being said

As with many of my TLs I try to keep the lyrics "singable" so this is the outcome! But obviously if anyone comes up with better phrasing I will replace if necessary~

I hope I could convey the emotions and meaning from the lyrics, please reply comment any corrections needed!