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madstronaut · 6 months

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guess wot my fellow hoes (fellhoes?) you’re getting a two-fer-one deal

obligatory alpha post link below:

because I have been deep in my werewolf/hybrid!CODmen fixation while I was drunk off reading moondrunk I decided to take a break...

....by reading johnny boy and i dont want to even look at that ao3 history stat that tells you how many times you've visited this story IT IS A LOT

my record for one of my comfort stories is 79 times and that was back in january last i looked, and it doesn't count the copypaste backup i have in my notes in case of airplane mode. don't look at me rn (cough obligatory @the-californicationist G&G reference/tag here)

ANYWAY MOVING ON 🐺🐺🐺

Reading: Moondrunk Monster by @ghostgorlsworld

so I went to watch the Love Death Robots episode referred to here and UNFFFF forgot how good that whole series was! wolflovers, go watch the Shape-Shifters episode from S1

once again i love a good fleshed-out reader backstory and this one is no exception

also as a certified graves simp the spittake I had to clean up at reading the phrase “Captain Graves”

also wolf-friendly pain medication? please i would happily read an appendix or endnotes/footnotes about the lore/worldbuilding here <3

"They weren’t used to humans being kind to them."🥺🥺🥺🥺

me to myself: tbh in many ways this is the world we are living in rn

that line about reader sleeping in the back of the med bay reminded me of this famous pic I saw way back when:

U.S. Army nurse Amy Stuart of the 5th MASH unit deployed in Saudi Arabia naps on a cot while hugging a teddy bear sent by her family during Operation Desert Storm (February 22, 1991)

getting a little too real but at my age, always hurts my heart and deeply disturbs me to see people younger than me who i consider children going off to/waging war COUGH ANYWAY SRY ESCAPING REALITY BACK TO FANFIC-

piney has such a succinct, tight way of writing to set the scene and story premise up so well - fucking salivating at ghost taking reader to their tent and him getting miffed at her sitting on soap’s bunk until she sits on his <3 LMAO I SEE YOU GHOSTY YOU LITTLE LOVESICK PUPPY YOU~

You glanced down, seeing the Scottish flag on the wall, the photos of a couple that looked exactly like Johnny. “Oh, sorry.”

ok but also johnny WOULD have selfies of himself up on his own bunk

“ahm easy on the eyes, aint i LT”

“shut it”

You were American, so you didn’t have much taste for tea unless it was iced and sweet.

me, a rabid tea swiller, raising my hand: UM NOT ALL AMERICANS HATE “TREE PISS” AS TED LASSO CALLS IT OKAY (okay but I love that show so much)

unfff wolf!ghost crowding reader into his own bed forcing her to sleep in it is just *so many chef’s kisses*

Gaz was healed within a day, coming to visit you with a Snickers bar as thanks. “I’ve been saving it for an occasion,” he said. “Wolves…well, we can’t really have chocolate without quite a bit of pain so I thought I would give it to you instead. As thanks.”

ok this was the most adorable loredrop ever also literally heartbroken at the idea they can’t enjoy chocolate!!!!

The adjustments were freezing slabs of raw beef and plating it up still half-frozen. this reminded me of this frozen organic dog chow i kept getting insta ads for after dogsitting for a friend (if u can hear this siri/insta ad algorithms, FUCK YOU RESPECT MY PRIVACY) anyway in the ad the way the person plated it for their dog and the way their dog ate it with such gusto made me, a human, want to try the dog food lol

“Not everyone in America lives in Texas, Soap.”

👏thank👏 you👏facts👏

You smiled. “A small town in Oklahoma.”

“Bloody hell, that’s just Texas.”

👏also👏 facts👏 (don’t come for me texans this new yorker will (lovingly) fuck you up; god bless amurica)

He was wearing gloves, as always, but they were warm when he pressed them against the scars, fitting his fingers into the obvious claw marks.

The 141 was silent, watching Ghost with a mixture of surprise and horror. Price looked as if he were about to intervene, his knuckles white around his fork.

i fucking l o v e this entire scene

They were still strangers to you, but the base felt too quiet without them, and your skin felt bare without Ghost’s stare upon it.

i am shivering at how good this sentence is

ghost: has a record for being more wolf than human and acts of aggression against humans

also ghost: makes tea for reader regularly when she can’t sleep

also reader if you’re having a eat-three-powdered-donuts-in-one-sitting kind of day, you eat that whole box girl no one will fault you for it <3

Ghost hummed, then came the unmistakable sound of licking the sugar off his fingers. There had also been blood on his fingertips, from the night’s previous activities.

You don’t want to think about why that makes your belly clench.

😏😏😏we love the feral ones

also unexpected gifts are some of the best ones

i felt the adrenaline of the humvee ambush like i was watching a live action movie - i could picture the entire scenes very easily in my head <3

and ghost taking off her boots >>>>>>>>

A man in a skull mask was asleep in the chair in front of you, his head tipped back against the wall, his legs relaxed and spread wide.

ah yes, classic submission position~

The meek little nurse that had put a Colonel’s son in the ER.

meek is one of my favorite words. i have heard an alternate definition for this as “meekness is great power under control” and it stuck in my head ever since; pls bow before medic reader my meek badass queen

Your heart raced. It was such a human instinct, to see a predator and want to either kiss it or run from it.

ah yes imho the heart of why wolf/hybrid and enemies-to-lovers etc. etc. etc. tropes and fics are so popular~

Ghost seemed to like your attention, his ears perked at the top of his head. It was oddly endearing, and you normally considered yourself a cat person.

hehe big ghost wolf, smol floppy ears - i will not let this image leave my head

ok and the wolflore about the recessive genes!! eating it all up <3

also i know this is a ghostfic but soap blushing and mumbling bout his coffeeshop crush is soo <333333333

"you’re too young to feel old and miserable like me.” Soap smiled, a bit of cheer back in his eye. “You’re only three years older’n me, lass, I wouldn’t call ye old.”

literally me to anyone <30/even a year younger than me

"ALSO, yes i'm setting up for a future soap/cafe!reader fic"

okay the unholy screech that erupted from me at reading this author’s note i’m-

Graves sat in a simple metal chair, cool, calm and collected without a single blonde hair out of place.

me fully knowing graves isnt even doing anything here, just sitting: go off, king

“I wasn’t going to let that boy take my soul, sir,” you said calmly. “Not for something as worthless as a career.”

well said indeed <3

You wondered if he would come visit you, if you asked. If he would sit in your dusty, frilly living room and drink from your pumpkin shaped mugs.

PUMPKIN-SHAPED MUGS <3 <3 <3

Price looked up from a paperback, a twitch in his brow. He preferred to keep out of conflicts between the pack, only interfering when blood was spilled.

oh please my headcanon for price is that he inhales gossip like oxygen and keeps it filed and sorted alphabetically and chronologically in his mind palace to pull up as needed

They were on active duty, for Christ’s sake, it wasn’t like he could bend her over against one of those cots and stake his claim, COUGHOMGWHYTHEEVERLOVINGFUCKNOTCOUGH no matter how badly he wanted to.

The 141 hunted at night, so during the day Gaz and Soap would occasionally bring you a muffin for breakfast or a stray cup of coffee. Even Price, the fatherly man he was, brought you one of his extra novels to read while you were awake during the night shift, one of those cheesy detective thrillers that helped you get through the night without passing out on a patient.

who doesn’t love familial!141 🥰🥰

it’s nice to remind yourself that you’re still a simple woman that appreciates a nice mani-pedi and a good hair day.

this is so real - taking care of yourelf/reminding urself to feel human is so important <3

You had the rank and the experience, so of course, you got the lion’s share of reports. ahem this a small almost throwaway line but much appreciated - LEADERSHIP IS FOR SERVICE. TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN FOR THOSE UNDER YOU, AND LIFT THEM UP. TAKE THE HITS SO THEY DON’T HAVE TO - ONES THEY AREN’T EVEN AWARE OF IF YOU’RE GOOD AT IT. anyway stepping down once again from my soapbox-

ah reader i can think of many MANY MANY spicy ways to motivate ghosty to do his patriotic duty~

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

AND ALSO Reading: Johnny Boy by @ghostgorlsworld

first off being thrown into the deep end of the incredible lorebuilding had me ready to swim and dive deep without even taking a breath of reality because the story!!!! the worldbuilding!!!! absolutely immaculate

a recurring daydream/brainrot scenario ive gone back to time and again with my blorbos through the years is getting knocked up with their spawn and having to escape and go on the run and hide the child then have an implausibly wild reunion, often with some physically impossible makeup sex and then birth my own private sports team's worth of children to build our world empire (drama, romance, intrigue, adventure - i would buy out opening night tickets to the movieplots my brain spits out, anyway ty for coming to my BedTedTalk) anyway this has such a unique niche in the CODfics ive read with the almost enemies-to-lovers-back-to-enemies flavoring with brother’s best friend trope in play

on that note, shaking tom’s hand vigorously for sneaking johnny back into reader’s life, then backhanding him with my other hand - also for sneaking johnny back into reader’s life

cute-ass mactavish sire emma needs to eat raw meat to survive? her supernatural senses make her an old soul in a child’s body? no further comments, absolute perfection. i love the explorations of “hey scenting/being a hybrid, ESPECIALLY growing up as one, ain’t all its cracked up to be and is not just all 100% sexy times and funsies” and her picking up on mom being sad all the time a certain someone is near and declaring “if mommy doesn’t like him, I don’t either” just UGGHHHH i just want to give her a hug and tell her it will all work out, shes is in good hands (including but not limited to her own!) also tear the throat out of anyone who would dare steal her childhood (fistbumping my fellow immigrant first gen firstborns&eldest daughters who had to grow up too fast/take care of adults)

also one of the reasons i love this fic is the very fierce and protective love reader has for her emma and their really beautiful bond <3 fanfic can be so healing and tender in very unexpected ways and their relationship slipped past all my walls and armor and just stuck me right in the feels <3

the conversation about grandpa jack haunting them and turning the book pages for him was so sweet i think my molars rotted away on the spot, 🥺🥺🥺 piney i will be billing you for my dental visit expenses; be prepared to pay cos ive always wanted to secretly try out grillz as a new yorker girlie

also random brainrot but 1000% positive grandpa jack was a fucking hottie in his glory days (underground fighting rings? picturing tyler durden rn)

also please give mama reader a fucking medal, cutting up raw meats and organs first thing in the morning (EVERY morning) is a feat indeed

also johnny/reader’s first meeting at the funeral home is absolutely exquisite, the perfect amount of drama and angst!!! raaaaaa biting my pillow and tearing it to pieces

- reader’s physical reaction to the “he’s behind me, isn’t he” revelation

- johnny’s physical glow-up described through reader’s eyes is just UNFFFF *chef’s kiss*

- reader going straight into panic/mama bear mode re: emma

- “it could have been longer, john” HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY ICE COLD QUEEN PLEASE I CANNOT KNEEL BEFORE YOU FASTER OR I’LL BREAK MY KNEECAPS

- “your voice so cold it stung your tongue as you spoke. The ache in your chest was overtaken by rage, pure and hot. “Excuse me.” i am f e r a l for this line, this is PERFECTION i can taste the emotions here like viscerally on my tongue

- honestly kudos to reader for not punching tom’s lights out when she’s running to get emma from him

“I don’t care.” You wanted to scream. You wanted to cry. You wanted to dig your nails into his skin and hurt him like he hurt you. “We don’t need you, we never needed you. I loved you, and you left for years . Deal with the consequences.”

Johnny Mctavish, a wolf, a soldier, flinched from you.

It wasn’t the victory you thought it would be.

AAAAAAAA YES THIS IS ME AS I READ THIS REVELING IN THE ANGST

also the last line of ch1 being “Forget him. John always runs.” and summary of Ch2 being “Johnny comes home.” ????? gonna run out of my lipstick giving chef’s kisses to piney here

the way piney fleshes out reader and her story and history with johnny just makes me want to give her a ginormous hug, also like an all-expenses paid weeklong vacation to the maldives or something for the absolute bullshit she’s endured (might have to join you on this though dear reader my salary/responsibilities working in [redacted] means i also need an all-expense paid weeklong vacation to the maldives)

also I FUCKING SUSPECTED JOHNNY WAS SECRETLY TRYING TO SCENT READER WHEN HE SNUCK UP ON HER TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO SURPRISE HER BY PUTTING HIS MITTS ON HER SHOULDER; i love that emma picked up on this through her nose

“Because you still smell like me, kitty.” brain going brrrr being overloaded with conspiracy theories about teh many layers what this may mean

wolves were different from normal men. Territorial.

me, reading about fictional territorial wolfmen on tumblr: 🥰🥰🥰

me, reading about IRL men being ‘territorial’: 🤢🤢🤢

“Grandpa was like me,” she said, loyal as always.

i’ll be totally honest the character i fell head over heels with in this story was not johnny taking first place no - EMMA MACTAVISH MY HEART <3 i hope my future children will be brave, kind, wise, funny and compassionate like you <3

It seemed that the only person suffering in this situation was you.

this line + the short almost throwaway line of reader “laughing wetly” just before it just ughhh my heartache! shoutout to all the hardworking parents/caregivers simply Trying Their Best And Getting No Recognition™️ (madstronaut sees you and applauds you, great is your reward in heaven and or the pits of tumblrhell, dealer’s choice)

“It wasn’t your decision to make, Tom,” you said, your voice reaching that pitch that made you feel like your mother. god this got too real, when i hear myself sound like my mother sometimes (esp. when im mad) i literally narrow my eyes at my own reflection and have to check myself before i wreck myself iykyk

also freaking love the lore about hybrids/wolves being discriminated against in society and johnny’s own experience and pitfalls navigating the world! lorebuilding>>>>>>>>>>>>

You were dressed more appropriately this time, a Black Sabbath tee and sweats, your work clothes of pencil skirts, trousers, and wool sweaters currently drying on the laundry lines in the backyard.

ok reader i see you my little rocker <3 you would love saint vitus bar in brooklyn; make tom or johnny watch emma so we can headbang to our heart’s content and you can enjoy a well-deserved night out <3 (on that note #REOPENVITUSYOUCOWARDS)

Emma two-handed it, just like you tell her to. It seemed she was trying to be on her best behavior, the little traitor.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH EMMA YOU LITTLE DEVIOUS ADORABLE SHIT (said goodnaturedly) I LOVE THIS LINE SO MUCH

Something in your chest squeezed when Johnny tucked the blanket around Emma’s skinny arms, more gentle than you had ever seen him.

ok though real talk men being gentle and tender, esp. around kiddos - hi, yes please sirs you can indeed help me mop my panties off the floor

Susan didn’t know what to do with a little boy that chewed on the furniture and got sick when she didn’t let him eat raw meat.

i physically need to see fanart of young wolf!soap gnawing on an armchair leg

This was why you liked Charlie, he was so, so reasonable.

hello charlie or as i like to call you “walking beige flag” the way i would roast him if i was bffs with reader..

also emma drawing that wolf catcher memory and waiting until soap was there to show it to both him and reader - AAGGGGH I freaking loved this and how clever this is i can do an entire pepe silvia conspiracy board meme breakdown of why and how much i loved this whole interaction

emma knowing it is a tough memory for her mama but choosing to draw and show it specifically to johnny - and waiting til they are all in each other’s presences (presence? idk)

i can see reader fighting (a losing battle lets be honest this is johnny fucking mactavish) tooth and nail so far to maintain the armor of assumptions and explanations she’s told herself to deal with the pain of being in love then (from her pov) rejected and how this has bled into how she paints johnny to emma despite her best efforts

and yet as they say sometimes the body says and knows what the mind/heart cannot say yet and 1000% sure that little miss wolf emma mactavish loves her mom but is also sure that momma isn’t sure on where she stands with johnny

also ALSO the fact that jack raised both johnny and emma HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING RIGHT - even though they’ve just met i love the little tidbits of the special wolf-to-wolf and father/daughter connection they have

AND AND AND so my grand theory here is that i believe emma made and showed this drawing to johnny because from what she knows - she perceives mama reader to despise johnny on the surface, yet still wants him - but based on what she’s told her about johnny, thinks johnny may not want mama - and drew this to prove mama is still worthy and a great protector - “You haven’t got any teeth or claws but it didn’t matter.” - and “showing her off” to johnny COUGH ANYWAY THAT’S WHERE I’LL END MY THESIS TYVM

also i love the bits sprinkled around the fic about johnny’s eyes sparkling eerie/brighter when he gets worked up

Perhaps all the war and killing really was good for his temperament.

HAHAHAHA OKAY SHIT, MAMA, WHO IS THE DELULU ONE NOW????????? (tbh it’s me, hi im the probl-)

johnny trying to find excuses to spend his PMC savings & money on reader + emma - IRL me and my bills & student loans crying laughing hysterically at reader turning this down

“Shut up!” Tommy said, frowning at you from the couch. “Fuck, lovie, he’s a friend from work.”

The man in the mask raised a hand in an awkward wave.

HAHAHAHHA SIMON!!! his entrance totally threw me off but ofc tom’s SHUT UP (true sibling energy right here, no greeting, just yells) and simon’s lil wave just UGGGGGGGHHHH such a nice palate cleanser from the intense but delicious angst - also tipping my hat at the subtle way to introduce Bi!Tommy with the “he’s not company he’s a guest” line 😏

You felt Simon’s eyes on you, judging, appraising. You were sure Johnny probably didn’t have the nicest things to say about you–most likely that you were an irritating little girl that followed him around for twenty years then proceeded to get pregnant and raise the child without him knowing,

would love to know what and how TF141 thinks of mama reader from how johnny has described her…despite her own misgivings <3

Johnny was an unsuspecting kind of violent, always smiling and laughing until he wasn’t, until it was serious.

Simon was different. He felt older.

aaaaaa this is SUCH a good characterisation of them both

You had missed him like a lost limb-

ooh i absolutely love this phrase! I have one person in my life i went through a friend breakup with (iykyk - these are more painful than romantic breakups imho) and we mended things and discovered afterwards we both referred to our break in our friendship as ‘having lost a limb’ to other folks (!) sometimes birds of a feather really do flock together

“It’s just…we’re adults, and adults have tricky feelings. preach mama 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

but also pls mama i know you have a kiddo but putting on nail polish right before a date? nooooooooooooooooo though chanel polishes ARE superior cos of that fat brush so all is forgiven <3

also obligatory FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK to charlie for forgetting the date, do you EVEN KNOW THE SUFFERING WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH TO GET READY FOR A DATE? TO GET READY TO FACE THE WORLD OUTSIDE OUR DOOR, PERIODT?

IF SOMEONE DID THIS TO ONE OF MY GIRLIES I WILL BE READY TO FUCKING SHOW SOMEONE’S BITCH ASS THAT YOU DO NOT NEED TEETH AND CLAWS INDEED TO GET RIGHT FUCKED UP

anyway climbing down from my soapbox on behalf of women everywhere, back to the fic

as a tiny tiny redeemable bit - charlie having weekly dinners with his gran is a huge green flag trait

He stilled, looking at you. His hand came up, pinching your chin like he used to. “You havnae called me Johnny in a very long time.” The rawness of his voice broke you down into someone you used to be, someone that loved him.

me, extremely pleased, reading this: ah yes, in vino veritas~

The alcohol had dampened the anger in your chest, you felt…open. Open to talking about it. Bleeding the poison from the wound.

<3 <3 <3 this line <3 <3 <3

irl sidenote: u can also do this without alcohol my friends <3 trusted friends, therapy, long retreats into nature, safe places, safe people all very effective and cutting right to the heart in the gentlest ways possible, painful but highly recommend over the alternative (and lesser) options of keeping the poison inside <3

Within a blink, Johnny was kneeling before you, his hands on your knees as his eyes bored into yours. You felt a chill, a whisper of fight or flight pricking your neck at his predatory stare.

ahem hello this is it

this is what does it for me

kneelng for your prey <3

also i love that their first real physical intimate contact after reuniting, beyond that hug after the wolf catcher story, is johnny LICKING reader’s tears off her face

“All I had was a picture and letters, but I could get off just from you writing that you missed me, just from your smell lingering on the fucking paper.” whats that phrase? marines make do? 🥰🥰🥰

me, reading about lacy underwear getting shredded: mmmmf yes sexxxxxyyyy

also me: ok i just know that was expensive, cringing inside at having to replace it

also fics that have men talking to ur pussy as they take care of it >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I CANNOT WAIT FOR READER TO WAKE UP AND SCREAM AT HERSELF SAW PT 7 POSTED WOKE UP SCREAMING BLACKED OUT AND CONTINUED MY FEVERISH RANTING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS FIC IN REBLOGS BELOW

#madstrothought #FaFiCoWriMo #fanfiction #call of duty #simon ghost riley #moondrunk monster #johnny soap mactavish #johnny boy #ghostgorlsworld #BlackPinecreations #werewolf au #simon ghost riley x reader #johnny mactavish x reader

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atinylittlepain · 10 months

Note

I finished Deliver Me from Nowhere immediately after you posted the final chapter. I flew through it, furiously, needing to read the ending before I could take everything in. But even as I did I captured so many lines and passages in my head. The final chapter was absolutely stunning. I don’t mean this as any offense to writers on tumblr or fan fics but when I read your work it feels so much bigger, so much more real, profound, beautiful than this platform gets credit for. Or you, really. Your work reads like short stories I read in The New Yorker. It deserves so much more than this.

These words struck something in me…

“This isn’t want, after all. Want isn’t big enough for whatever this is. Something deeper, something threaded in with all the sinew and stretch of bone, ligament, and beating tissue. This is need. Vital and visceral, and so very precarious.”

“Want is a child. But need is an animal. Need is base, bruising, battering. There is no escaping need. There is no lying about need. There is only offering it up, and hoping that someone will see it and decide yes, animal, come here, let me do something about your need, and you can do something about mine.”

“For now, the feeling of her ribs expanding and contracting against his side is all the goodness he could want, or even need. Pain yet to be understood in all the places that her breath catches. But for now, she is looking at him and smiling, and saying something about the sheep that makes him laugh.”

But this. THIS:

“In the kitchen, he would feed her his heart if he could. It’s hers anyways.”

This is everything ^^

- Please don’t ever stop writing. Ever. ❤️

Hi, so, yeah, ive been holding onto this message for two weeks now :')

i fucking love the passages you picked out because they were ones that felt important to me too - really essential viscera of this story

im gonna be so honest for a moment, just between you and me (and the rest of tumbles lol) but i've been seriously questioning my place here on tumbles - full disclosure, i started out here back in january (woof, almost a year ago) in the mindset that what i was writing didn't count as writing for me bc i was writing for the sole purpose of turning out work i thought people would like on here - and they did, and i did that for a long time, got a lot of notes on pretty vapid work etc etc, and even though i wasn't thinking about it as writing, it was a sort of stretching and contracting of musculature that eventually changed and evolved into me writing what i wanted to write.

i think june was the first departure from the canned fics i had been producing to something a little more my style, and a little less desirable to the masses of tumblr lol

the notes got fewer and fewer, but the readership ive had for works like june and deliver me (and even my cannibals, hi, freaks love ya lmao) is so close and lovely and that's been far more rewarding - getting messages from folks that this work has somehow touched them or made them feel seen or just loosened some essential emotion in them enough that they can process it and let it move through them - i love that, and writing these fics has done much the same for me - and (not but, and) and im also having growing pains

i keep coming back to fic bc it's safe and comfortable and i use it as a crutch - stakes are lower when you aren't thinking about querying or publishing or "good enough" - but, again, being honest, the fic thing doesn't feel good any more - it feels like what it is, me trying to fit something that doesn't fit any more, trying to cramp myself into something and expect people to like it when it's simply not what they come to tumblr for

ive been fighting myself on this for a while, slowly inching my way out of fic and into the reality that i want my work to go elsewhere and trying to believe that i have the chops to make that happen - your message is such a buoy and encouragement toward that future

let me make something very clear here, this is my experience, i am by no means shitting on fic writing in general at allllll - people are doing amazing shit on here, no doubt, this is just where i'm at personally with it - ive said it before and ill say it again - writing begets writing, and without all the fic i wrote this year, i know for a veritable fact i would've never gotten my first novel this year either - but i think it's time for a shift for me

all this is to say that i think an era is ending, but i'm so grateful i got it to begin with to have had the chance to share work with folks like you. maybe you'll see me in the new yorker one day :)

#deliver me from nowhere

2 notes · View notes

castle-dominion · 1 year

Text

c3x17 countdown

Edit: haha I found it! I couldn't find my liveblog while clipping last time but this time I went into my archives for the second half of the episode!

Ok so before the episode starts, I need to talk. I’ve been in my fair share of walk-ins, I’ve read a few stories where people get stuck in freezers, what u need to do is grab a screwdriver or smth & break the cooling mechanism.

Rodeo clown, red herring. We've got to find jamal, they say, & the dramatic irony is we know jamal is here in the freezer. Dead.

Why are they covering him? For their own psychological wellbeing? Castle, do up your coat all the way. Y'all be sure to dance sometimes. Don't waste all your energy tho. Now trucks can probably get to -20f or -25c but more likely are set at 0f or -18c like most freezers. Like girl, it is definitely well below freezing. Girl lay on your back & kick with your feet, don't dislocate your shoulder. Plus, you definitely have more than a few hours. Like you would probably get frostbite within half an hour but it is also not a windy place. The real killers are wetness & ventilation. Even if the cooling mechanism is still going, if you kill the fan you would be fine. Just don't sweat too much. Move enough to keep your body temp up, don't move so much that you would sweat. Ok that is bad counting. Count better.

Oh no they r home. lmao circus accidents martha what Grinch changing scene. Yes ew.

Ricochet? Ok I thought y'all shot thru the tin box earlier. Now here: SHOOT THE DANG COOLING MECHANISMS OR BUST EM WITH THE BUTT OF YOUR GUN. Keep moving babes. At least beckett can cover her ears.

Interesting interactions here. You sound like fallon & maybe castle was right. Really really interesting characterization. Is it alexis/martha? Ok but what are their faces, they are just staring at each other & looking more & more intensely

Yeah. I had a radiation interest at some point. Super scary. YOU WEREN'T LOOKING FOR THE TARGET ALREADY??? KR, with his face the way it is: Sir, can I speak with you alone? *glances awkwardly at fallon* But ofc comes with esposito lol Lmao my first thought when they mentioned their history was not what I mentioned last episode (they did the off-grid police work recently) but actually kissing. They haven't kissed yet. Ryan & esposito are so cute & I'm so glad that alexis called even after trying to go to bed. But then again, she called ryan's cell. That's... idk what that is.

Ok put your exposed skin BACK UNDER YOUR EFFING JACKETS & SHARE YOUR CLOTHES I mean at least you're cuddling BUT BREAK THE DANG FREEZING MECHANISM & MOVE & KEEP YOUR BODY TEMP UP. The scariest part for me is the fog at the bottom. THE FIRST ALWAYS Girl it hasn't even been that long & this place shouldn't be able to get that cold y'all are fine, stop being babies. I thought new yorkers complained about the weather! Come up to canada, meet my inuit friends!

The intro is blue <3

Castle's eyes are so good in this lighting. tbh I think the frost on his cheeks is weird. Eyelashes & eyebrows yes. Cheeks? not so sure. Are those our guys or are they the killers? Wait, man's holding a gun

Yucky sound! Bro they should be fine it wasn't that bad. Motorcycleboy! Also while he has at least had one hour of sleep he still needs to go to bed. Same to ryan & esposito & well,, everyone. Alexis called <3 (oh btw what happened to karpowski? I saw her in s2 but never in s3.) K but wdym "until josh called"? We figured you were with beckett until josh called. Then we went back to thinking you were with beckett. edit: they figured he was WITH beckett ;) bc she was struggling with Josh but then josh called & they remembered that she was with josh & she is actually doing well with josh bc he came home for her; & that's why rick & josh exchange those looks. Then they figured he was with beckett as in doing smth incredibly stupid against orders. Oh & costume update: Ryan has another coat. Again, it is nice, but it is also chill, & it is the third jacket I've seen him wear this day! & Esposito has that nice coat I've seen him in before, the one with the shoulder buckles. What patrol units were available bro??? RC: I'm glad my stupidity is predictable Their little handshake <3 RC: You pulled us out of there? (KR nods) RC, probably not thinking about how he was found snugled up with beckett: thanks Beckett was standing there watching him. Apparently castle was more tired than her (even tho she should have frozen more than him) so she was up in a blankett watching him while he was still waking up. Even tho she fell asleep first. Maybe she woke up first because she fell asleep first. Then again, she wasn't standing there in the first shot when he was sitting up. Also just realized, esposito & ryan probably had this exact convo with beckett. That's the kind of deleted scene I want to see.

Oh no it is not even white anymore. So 13 hours at the start, it is now ten hours. They were in the freezer for maybe 2 hours if they've been out for an hour like josh said. Imagine being ryan & esposito, you help each other drag one person out of the freezer, then you drag the second. Then you go back in for that third person under the tarp (which caskett should have been using as a blanket) & whoops it's a dead body.

I'm also assuming they meant 4pm not 4am. Meaning dang it's 6am & nobody has slept! Also meaning alexis called at like 1am or smth. So they found the bomb at 3am actually & alexis might have evenn called that late. Crazy that she would just call ryan (on his cell too) to ask about her dad.

gtg we're watching s4 in my family watch now bai ily

Ok hai I'm back!

KB *politely requests that her & castle be reinstated* MF: Well that's not up to me. It'd be up to your doctor, wouldn't it? Which is so good & so true KB walks off MF: Yk it's funny, when I first met you two I thought you were together. RC: Oh. No, just friends. I watched When Harry Met Sally the day before watching this the first time. *sighs with my hand on my cheek* MF: Get cleaned up. We have a long day ahead of us (which is weird bc castle hasn't been cleared by his doc yet.) Also have they called alexis yet?

Wow it is bright & sunrisey! MR: You look like death warmed over XD <3 Fair has nothing to do with it Rick you might have been able to say "I sent you with grams to that spiritual retreat for a reason. I want you two to go to the hamptons & stay there for the weekend. No questions. Don't try to figure out why. Just listen." or "I just need you two out of the house for a bit"

Yay they've changed. But have they slept? IDK what time it is now. Living this every day is probably why he is the way he is. This is not the time for a special hell reference mom. Except for me. So mum went out with her friends yesterday & Tammy went out to a movie with her son. She had been watching movies at home so much, covid & all, that she would make these huge gasps whenever smth big happened. Her son was sooo embarassed. Mum looked at me & said she could never take me out to a movie. Apparently we took 1.5x the 44min episode to watch it. Ofc lil bro went upstairs to get water & another time to get food but a lot of it was me pausing it to talk (bc it's rude to talk during the movie, well u can talk as long as there is no dialogue). So yeah special hell for those tho talk at the theater.

I wish I could give an esposito outfit update bc he looks cool af but he is backlit. This reminds me of @codex-dominion my other blog. When Tavi (as rufus scippio) was made captain, he had to work a lot. One time he was super overworked & wanted to keep working but his singularé said "no, you need a sleep & a shave" & tavi/scippio said "nah bro I need to do so much I don't have time for that" & his singularé went "no. You never saw the previous captain with stubble. You need to shave & take a crowforsaken nap." Still, I like his gloves! Ah yes, the military. What did I say? Six tours is a lot. Bruh it's the effing military what do you expect?? Why would they choose kevin mcann? Identity theft in the military is surprisingly not uncommon.

You haven't done facial recognition yet? Well ig not bc you thought you knew him MF: I thought this guy was a crime novelist RC: I.. I am MF: Well then you should know *proceeds to explain identity theft lol* KB & JE: :] :]

Gal has a nice mural Pointing with a cig lol VA? They were voice actors together? Or as in veteran affairs or smth? (welcome to indian affairs, which indian would you like to have an affair with?) Support our troops: Bring Them Home. I'm FTM. Oh a trans man? Happy pride. Nonono, I'm nonbinary. I meant Fuck The Military. my post : ) Hey a cell number is good!

This man is a child I love tech geeks from csu or wherever. Old timey phones <3 I remember when canadian troops left afghanistan. I remember it because it was a thing in school. & I remember finally finally it ended in 2021. Let's roll

Casually turns around B'y don't look back. If you must, use a mirror.

Castle is the only sane one here. Yeah like esposito you need a wakeup call. Interesting how he takes beckett in there, not captain montgomery. Tbh I respect his skills. He's cool. Sitting there, quiet, keeping his mouth shut. I can respect that. I might hate it or find it annoying but on a level of skill not ideology it's really cool. Hm, that might be why lockwood & his ones chose to drown ryan instead. If they knew abt esposito & why they couldn't break him. (the cops already know everything about me & your mom) No he won't fallon. The way he talks. It's so true, so good, so calm & thoughtful & angry. Good episode. Becks, idk if holding YOUR gun at him is the best idea. Ok so you're holding him at gunpoint but you haven't even cocked it? I'm assuming it's semi-automatic, you shouldn't cock twice. This military boy would have noticed. Btw the music is slamming. Doesn't even turn on the safety? It took them that long to break down the door or did they only come in after he put it away?

At least fallon is explaining himself. He feels. He knows it will go over better if he does this. But what opening was there my dude? (note: he said he can't break him in three hours. 3h. So what, he had him for 3 hours already or it's 13.00/1pm & he has three hours left?) He is calm & talking to her in his respectful quiet voice even tho she said that to him. Fallon is actually gaining my respect for that. RC: does that guy take jackhole lessons or was he born that way? (heh) KR, who has also changed & hopefully taken a nap, now getting coffee too: Neither. I asked my buddy at DHS abt him. (Cool so we know ryan has a contact at dhs now.) Turns out his wife was killed in 9/11. She rode the second tower down. They were on the phone together when it happened. Man should have started an emo band then, not become this jackhole fellow.

Oh dang fallon's surveillance guy is down! Make ur phone call! Now I have Holy Gail (Hunters & Collecters, Cut) stuck in my head

Ok & now they say less than 2 hours left. That's the next number. It must be 14.00/2pm now or smth. So has it been one hour since the earlier thing or...? I'm still stuck on whether any of them slept. They all seem to have changed (tavi) & they are all drinking coffee, & I'm sure if they didn't go home & sleep that someone took a nap in the morgue or on the couch in the captain's office or in the break room or even on mats up in the gym. A powernap is important if you can't sleep. It at least resets your brain a little bit so you don't feel like you're dreaming. I remember when I was sick one day I either couldn't sleep or chose not to sleep bc it was painful & I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep for hours. I went thru my facebook page back until nov 2020 (it's may 2023 now) to find the day I was talking about. I was awake for 30 hours. "I fell asleep for maybe an hour but I feel like it's tomorrow morning (Thursday) or tomorrow morning but it's actually Wednesday morning which is today. But I also feel like it's 8pm and I have my violin lesson. It doesn't help that the book I'm reading has huge cases of derealization/depersonalization/confusion/etc/etc and I read it righ before falling asleep this afternoon and after I had a miniature bowl of cereal when I woke up. Who am I? What day is it? Did I hallucinate my brother walking around this morning, or was it a legitimate shadow? Have I already taken my meds today? I'm half convinced I'm still dreaming buds" wow yeah that's what it was like. That's probably how they would feel if they haven't slept.

Esposito is wearing that? I didn't realize that when I saw him earlier. Oh no, an explosives ordnance disposal? CRAWL UP THEIR WHERES WITH MICROSCOPES? You're right, they are not brainwashed kids on a student visa, they are brainwashed adults with training. Oh... the syrian consolate guy... Fallon my man! Woah he gained beckett's respect.

Bud that's such a lie. You do what we ask & everybody lives? That's literally the biggest lie bc you are trying to kill everyone!

Fallon, the guy came over for ya, shake his hand & thank him for coming! Should we be giving away our hand like this...? Mike, let the guy talk. Man just didn't do anything when he saw nazihah get abducted?? What he meant by that appointment outside the city was he doesn't believe you can succeed.

Wow they actually shot the guy. Ooh music. So dramatic bestie. our people aren't wearing vests?

If he couldn't get fake-kevin-mcann to talk then how did he get these guys to talk? Oh he lied.

Is that beckett's personal vehicle or? (ew ghost cars)

Work wife. Why would the car turn in front of them? Wouldn't they be taking the same route? Also, wouldn't they already have the sirens on? Make like a stag. (When you're driving, never let a deer that is chasing you get ahead bc as soon as it pulls ahead, it turns, not realizing it still needs to be going forward so as not to get hit. Never let a stag in front of you.) Make like a stag, get right in front of the car. Lol castle getting his face smashed against the window. Ugh finally they did it

Update: I clipped the work wife arguing about driving moment on my new chromebook, the quality might not be any better but at least now it will be easier to tag & upload to tumblr lol

YEAH YOU KNEW THE BOMB WAS THERE, unless it wasn't in which case good on castle for checking BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE ALREADY RADIOED (one lincoln forty again!) & it is 15.58/3.58pm now. (unless the bomb was set to go off around 4pm not exactly 4pm.) It would take two minutes for them to park the helicopter & run in to the bomb. Remember those times both in sherlock & murdoch mysteries where they just stopped the timers? Yeah. Oh & that other time murdoch had to defuse a bomb bc pendrick was claustrophobic. (those two needed to get it on.)

Mk so continuity with timers like this can be hard. I can't tell but I think the show did a good job with this. At least she is calling fallon. My dude. You are not going to get there in time (unless he doesn't know that they only have 1m left bc beckett didn't communicate with him) so pull over the car. What advice do you have fallon? Anything? Tell them to at least look for a "stop/start" button in the hopes that there is one? Wait is he actually the guy who did this is he still driving so he can get out of town bc he planted the bomb? Ooh! Why do the tank & stuff still have the radioactive stickers all over them? I feel like they'd peel em off or smth. (what if some traffic cop pulled her over bc she was driving erratically & then checked her trunk, that would be crazy & possibly a bit of a deus ex machina.) R u 2 finally going to confess ur love 3 seconds left it was probably made poorly or a decoy bomb so it is not going to go off bc the real bomb is somewhere else & they either find it & stop it OR they end up with a crater in new york; a crater that means people are going to be displaced, & without help they have no choice but to turn to crime, & then that escalates future episodes. Possibly even some mistaked DNA stuff, they catch someone & check their dna to what they have in the database but it doesn't match bc of radiation. I think a post apocalyptic crime show would be cool, or at least a post disaster crime show. Wait castle just pulled all the wires out.

Rick just pulled all the wires out. & all at once too. Wow. Well then. I want to laugh but this is so intense. (clipping this too) Right at zero huh. During my family watch All Of Us mimicked castle's triumphant finger point at the bomb. So valid bestie. I mean heck yeah, he had to do smth. Two choices, two endings, but three paths. A: let the bomb kill you. You die. B1: Take out the wires & you die. B2: Take out the wires & you live. You're going to die either way, so might as well take the chance of living. btw why isn't beckett's radiation detector going off?

(all laughing) KB: No you should have seen his face because he stopped, (stopped what?) he looked at me, grabbed all the wires & then he just yanked them! *immitates rick yanking the wires* (her voice is kind of intense) KR: . All of them?? RC: I figured one of them had to be the right one. RM: You know, the mayor wants to give you guys a medal. I didn't have the heart to tell him you had no clue what you were doing. ... JE: Captain's right. You two don't know how lucky you are. RC: *looks at becket* KB: *looking back, seemingly out of breath* RC: Actually, I do. (Do you? I think you do. Just stared death in the face & said "f it, I'm taking a chance!" Tho it is not a risk. You risk blowing up the bomb if you yank the wires but the bomb was going to go anyway so it was not a risk. It was a chance.) RM: Hmm. *as castle & beckett look at each other*

KB: Actually I was doing my job, idk wth he was doing. RC: Hey. But that's true Fallon. I'm so happy that he is explaining. It's his way of apologizing without explicitly apologizing. RC: A codeword. "run" (won't clip but funny) Y'all need some sleep, not beers in the pigstye. Bro I want you to confess your love but josh literally just saved ur asses. Hug her! Hug her goodbye bc you love each other, even if you cannot express that love in the romantic way you want to. Also, say goodbye to all the other ppl around!

Motorcycle boy -w-

Yeah that was good! I enjoyed it.

I can't believe it's already 11.30! I haven't even watched a full episode!

(Girl now imagine it's been weeks of trying to pull s3 clips)

#castle 3x17 #castle 3x17 quote #castle 3x17 spoilers #castle s3 spoilers #the dirty bomb episode

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loneberry · 2 years

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Lmao, this was def my dilemma when I was choosing between staying at a tenure-track job in NYC or moving to a tenure-track job in LA. NYC is a truly Great Metropolis. Los Angeles is a giant suburb with charming, culturally distinct neighborhoods. NYC was built for pedestrians. LA is a giant traffic jam. I truly hate winter and wilt when deprived of sun, so LA wins on weather. On work-life balance, LA wins. Frequent trips to epic nature spots (Joshua tree, parks, mountains, bluffs, desert, beaches) are easy from LA. NYC has some truly great cultural institutions (💜💜💜 the New York Public Library), but LA has freaks and less establishment gems, like the Museum of Jurassic Technology. People watching on Venice Beach is a huge plus on the side of LA. But my roots are in NYC, since both my parents came from immigrant communities there, it’s always felt like a second home. By far the biggest strike against LA is the fact that the city was built around the automobile. As a lifelong pedestrian/bicyclist, my mantra has always been “I hate motorists.” I try to make do with my ebike, but the city is not friendly to cyclists. But. In LA there is a 22-mile BEACH bike path, the Marvin Braude Bike Trail (or The Strand), which I biked on for 30 miles yesterday (15 miles each way). While I’m biking on The Strand watching the sun set over the ocean while listening to a cumbia playlist I often think I have discovered the meaning of life. In NYC I feel free and alive walking around, seeing so many people, knowing I can go anywhere I want. In LA, going out is always a headache, most people only hang on the weekends, which I admittedly kinda like, since I am somewhat of an introvert. Maybe NYC has a slight edge over LA but maybe it’s easier to romanticize New York since I technically have never lived there, though I’ve spent so much time there people would often mistake me for a resident. LA will never beat NYC culturally, since Hollywood and influencer culture is trash. It goes without saying that I identify more with cerebral and gritty New Yorkers than the whole Gwyneth Paltrow white woo wellness vibe out here. But that’s not all of LA—LA is a Latinx city and also has more Asians than anywhere else I’ve lived. Yet I’m much more of a ‘New York Asian’ than a ‘California Asian,’ something that’s crystal clear to me when I visit my auntie in Flushing, Queens. It’s also very possible I’d never be able to leave California since I love sitting outside reading and writing throughout the whole year. It’s possible I’d grow weary of NYC’s fast pace after a month, since I’m a tortoise at heart. Maybe I’ll grow weary of not having spring here. I don’t know.

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ingo-ingoing-ingone · 2 years

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Submas Song Sunday #6

(On a Monday because con yesterday)

Hello and welcome to Submas Song Sunday, where I take a song from my playlist and kinda just talk about how I think it fits the subway bros (or just one of em!)

I might include references to fanfic, or explain an animatic I can think up to the song, or just talk about it!

DISCLAIMER: Nothing on this playlist is intended to portray anything aside from familial relationships. I am NOT looking at backstories of songs, who they were written for, or songwriter’s intent. I go STRICTLY off lyrics and how I interpret them!

You may find a link to the playlist in my pinned post! If you have a song you want me to talk about, send it in :)

Song: When Can I See You Again? by Owl City

(song was chosen by @irradiatedsnakes )

Honestly this one is a bit tough!! I’ve always imagined it as... Not angsty PLA era. Like the two brothers KNEW this was going to happen and that after a period of time Ingo would go home. So just a much more upbeat vacation to the past?? There’d still be some sad feels (you don’t end up separated from your twin for a year and not miss him!) but just a lot less. I’m imagining no amnesia here either :)

Perhaps Arceus needed someone to help guide the protag, someone to help them improve at battling. Who better than a battle facility head, especially a facility that’s run by two people? So Ingo gets a free round trip to the past :)

When can we do this again? When can I see you again? When can we do this again? When can I see you again? When can we do this again? When can I see you again?

Kinda just an intro with both of them! Probably with Ingo heading off through the portal with his brother and Elesa there to see him off :) There’s tears, but well wishes and hugs and the sort of things that happen when someone you love moves away.

Switch on the sky and the stars glow for you Go see the world 'cause it's all so brand new Don't close your eyes 'cause your future's ready to shine It's just a matter of time, before we learn how to fly Welcome to the rhythm of the night There's something in the air you can't deny

Tada Ingo! This is Hisui! It’s got more stars than your New Yorker ass has ever seen in your life, and it’s full of new sights and sounds and foods. And experiences!

I love how it mentions his future, because to Ingo himself it IS his future, but to everyone else, it’s the past!

It's been fun but now I've got to go Life it way too short to take it slow But before I go and hit the road I gotta know, 'til then, When can we do this again? When can I see you again? When can we do this again? I gotta know, when can I see you again?

This bit is a bit of them both! Eventually it does come time for Ingo to go home, after the protag does what they need to do and succeeds in saving Hisui. Emmet and Elesa are waiting for him! But he didn’t hate his time in Hisui, and will miss the people he met there.

Joined at the hip, yeah your sidekick needs you Life is a trip down the road that leads you

Yup, time to head out and reunite with your family. Would be pretty funny if each brother called the other their sidekick lmao. I think they would!

Look all around at all the mountains you haven't climbed It's just a matter of time, before we learn how to fly Welcome to the rhythm of the night There's something in the air you can't deny

There’s a lot he could still do here. (He has thoroughly climbed Mt. Coronet though that’s for damn sure). And he will miss the quiet, clean air, the peace the night brings. How the world seems to sleep.

It's been fun but now I've got to go Life is way too short to take it slow But before I go and hit the road I gotta know, 'til then, When can we do this again? When can I see you again? When can we do this again? I gotta know, When can I see you again?

He packs up, says good bye to the Hisuians, to his post, to some of the pokemon he battled with, to the mountain and the land itself...

Don't close your eyes 'cause your future's ready to shine It's just a matter of time, before we learn how to fly Welcome to the rhythm of the night There's something in the air you can't deny So let me know before I wave goodbye

And he sees his ticket home. A portal, exactly where and when he was told it would appear, to take him back to his original time. Some of his closest friends are there to see him off, just as Emmet and Elesa had a year ago.

He steps through.

When can I see you again? When can we do this again? When can I see you again? When can we do this again?

Emmet is waiting for him. His brother is so happy Ingo is home he can hardly contain himself. What an adventure he had!

Yeah, it's been fun but now I've got to go Life is way too short to take it slow But before I go and hit the road Tell me when When can I see you again? When can I see you again? Tell me when When can I see you again?

And maybe, one day, Ingo and the Hisuians lives will cross again. Maybe one day he will see them again, as he did his family. <3

#submas #pla era #emmet #ingo #subway boss ingo #subway boss emmet #submas song sunday #a bit late but WHATEVER AAAAAA #i am so tired no more anything tonight

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mylivejournalsucks · 3 years

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Didion.

Eve and Joan in one week. Wow. No wonder Los Angeles is raining.

Joan Didion is a drug everyone must try once. Some people get hooked. I was fortunate to be one of those people.

I discovered her writing in a class taught by Mark Greif. I forgot what the class was or what we’re studying. I just remember reading a lot of texts by boring old straight white intellectuals and feeling like the biggest bimbo on planet Earth. At 21 and 22, I still believed there was a certain way to be A Writer and Think About Things. Everything I was introduced to in college made me feel out-of-step, like I didn’t get it and never would. Then Slouching Towards Bethlehem entered the chat. The assignment was to read the essay and discuss how Didion felt about her subjects. Did she like them? Did she care about them? How did her writing style inform her feelings?

I read the essay at the Starbucks on Astor Place (lmao) and was immediately like, “Who is this moody rich bitch who hates everyone and everything?” Her prose was electric. It felt like a song I was finally able to hear. I went to class the next day ready to discuss. It was clear Didion did not think much of these hippies who were frying their brains like eggs on the side of a highway on a 110 degree day. Reading Didion, it felt like she had contempt for most people and most things, besides Los Angeles, New York, and Sacramento.

I immediately devoured everything she wrote. Like any young person with feelings in New York, I read “Goodbye To All That” in my studio apartment in the East Village and thought “OMG...it me.”

After Slouching, I flew to LA for Christmas break and read The White Album, Play It As It Lays, and Year of Magical Thinking back-to-back in an underwhelming coffee shop on Beverly called Buzz that has now been replaced with another underwhelming coffee shop called Andante. (See how I’m listing names and locations? It’s impossible to discuss Joan without falling prey to her tics and quickly realizing A.) that’s not your voice and B.) thank God because no one can measure up to Joan.)

Beyond Play It As It Lays, I didn’t dabble in her fiction because, uh, it’s not as good. In fact, I reread Play It As It Lays in the fall and found it to be nihilistic and overdramatic. (How many fucking freeways does this Weekend At Bernie’s lady Maria have to drive on? Also, when she has, like, a plumbing problem in her mansion in Beverly Hills so she just moves to an apartment in Hollywood instead of dealing with it? #goals)

Joan’s power is in the personal. She speaks with a cool authority. Reading her, it feels like she’s driving you in her Stingray Corvette, weaving in and out of traffic effortlessly, telling you How It Is and you’re just in her trance, nodding along.

I love how unapologetically bougie she was, how her and her husband John seemed low-key kind of like insufferable social climbers in Hollywood. By all accounts, you did not want to get stuck next to Joan at a party. She barely spoke, was fragile, had migraines, was terrified of the weather. She was too smart, too fragile. She was bad at doing Life Things. She wanted to either take her speed and sit at the typewriter or take to the bed.

It might sound like I’m roasting her but I’m really not. I sincerely love everything about this woman! Reading her was the first time I felt like there could be a place for me. Here Joan was, eating chopped salads at La Scala and writing about her feelings for Vogue, and it had real value. More than the pages and pages I read of straight white dudes writing about, like, their dog and quarries.

I saw Joan once, in conversation with Griffin Dunne at Symphony Space doing promotion for Blue Nights. I use the words “in conversation” loosely. Griffin talked, Joan Didion grunted and looked like she’d rather be anywhere else. I loved it. I loved how cranky and over it she was.

I wrote about the event for my job and the post caught the attention of an editor at The New Yorker. She wanted to meet me for lunch at Conde Nast (working in media in 2011 could be really random) and so I did and we talked and it was lovely. She gave me “Speedboat” by Renata Adler. “If you love Joan,” she said. “You’ll love Renata Adler.”

I read it. I did love it. But It didn’t make me want to sit down and write, like Joan did. Reading Didion feels like being put under a spell. I read one paragraph and I need to write immediately. Otherwise, I sincerely think I might die. I’ve never had that with anyone else’s work and maybe I never will.

We’re lucky she decided to share her brain with us. And I hope there’s no Santa Ana winds in heaven. Joan was triggered by the Santa Ana winds.

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css1992 · 4 years

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I absolutely love all of your stories and was hoping to give you a prompt! I haven’t seen you write Tony or Peter as superheroes, but I would love a story where the team goes on a mission that goes wrong and they think Peter is dead. A few months pass, and Spider-Man pops up in a different color costume next to a big baddie (Quentin? Rumlow? Whoever it is def has a crush or Peter lmao). If you can’t write the prompt, no worries.❤️

(...)

“Thank you so much for taking my prompt omgggg! To answer your question, Spider-Man pops up as a baddie, and he works with/for another baddie”

You’re too sweet and kind, my dear, thank you so much! I’m so sorry this took so long, something happened in my personal life and I was too heartbroken for love stories for a while there hahaha Everything’s fine now. I hope you’re still out there to read this and I really hope you enjoy it! <3

[*]

This takes place a few years after Civil War. A few details were changed – Peter was recruited at 18, while attending MIT; Endgame never happened, they defeated Thanos in Titan; Tony and Pepper never got back together after their break-up somewhere between IM3 and CACW.

TW: Mentions of blood, alcoholism, grief and death. I guess that’s it, let me know if you find anything else triggering!

[*]

“It’s him.” Tony stood there paralyzed, staring at the hologram projected from Nat’s phone, heart pounding, ears ringing. “It’s him,” he repeated, running his hands through his hair, trying to get a hold of himself, trying to make sense of what was happening, of what he was seeing. It was too surreal – impossible! – he had to be hallucinating. Right? Maybe dreaming? Had he drunk himself into a stupor again? Had he finally gone mad?

It was a regular day, Tony had been down in the lab for an unknown number of hours when Friday announced Steve, Nat and Bruce were at the door, which was unusual. Usually, they’d visit one at a time, an unspoken agreement not to overwhelm the engineer, but that particular day they all marched into his house saying that he needed to see something. He was too exhausted to tell them to fuck off, so he just poured himself a drink and shrugged, gesturing towards the living room.

Nat proceeded to project a video from her StarkPhone and what he saw took away the ground from beneath his feet. He tried to sit down, but he didn’t make it to the couch, his legs were not responding, he fell on his butt in the middle of the living room. The blood felt like ice in his veins, his throat was closing up, his eyes were burning and his hands were shaking so fucking badly. He was boneless and petrified all of a sudden, as he watched him swing from building to building on his webs, a black and white blur.

Peter.

He felt Steve and Bruce on either side of him, trying to help him up, but he didn’t take his eyes off of the projection. It was him. My Peter, you’re back, you came back to me, you’re okay, you’re alive–

“Tony, it’s not him.” Steve’s voice brought him back to the real world, and he looked around. Natasha and Bruce both stared at him with worry in their eyes, like they agreed with Steve.

“What, are you fucking insane? Of course it’s him!” His voice was firm, angry, even though his hand was shaking when he pointed at the hologram, to the short video that kept replaying on a loop.

“Tony, he robbed a bank. He put civilians at risk. How could you think this is Peter? Are you insane? Don’t you know him? Look, we had to show you this because it’s going to be all over the news soon and whoever this is, they’re trying to tarnish Peter’s memory and we can’t allow it, but this – this isn’t him, Tony. I’m sorry.”

The older man stopped for a second, taking a deep breath. Was he going insane? Was he seeing things, was his mind playing tricks on him again? It wouldn’t be the first time in the last few months. He focused on the images. The bank’s alarm was sounding loudly, as people started running wildly out the front door. Seconds later, someone wearing a cape and a – helmet? Fish bowl? – on their head walked out, then finally him.

Not him, Steve said, but how could it be anyone else, when Tony could clearly see it was Peter gracefully swinging around on the webs. Not him, Steve said, but how could it not be him when Tony recognized every inch of his body? The long neck, the narrow, yet strong shoulders, thin waist, round ass, strong thighs, small feet, long hands and thin, wiry arms. How could it not be him when Tony could recognize the way he moved, the way he leaped and landed effortlessly, the grace with which he swung back and forth?

“It’s him, Steve.” Even as the words left his mouth, his eyes were fixed on the boy in the video. The suit looked a lot like the one Tony made for him, but it was slightly different. Black, instead of blue. White, instead of red. But it was him. Alive and breathing. “It’s Peter, I know it is.”

***

It was supposed to be an easy mission. Even though it called for every Avenger in town, it was just a security measure, Steve told them. They intercepted a terrorist group communicating online, planning a coordinated attack on Stark Tower, the Avengers Compound and Times Square. They were professionals, but only human. They thought they’d be enough: Captain America, Black Widow, Iron Man, Spiderman, Winter Soldier and even the Hulk as a safety net.

In a way, they were sufficient. They were able to avoid the attack and arrest almost every single one of the terrorists that weren’t killed during the mission. But the cost was high – way too fucking high.

Peter.

Tony knew what happened the exact moment when it did. He knew there was no saving him when he opened his lips and tried to call out his name and instead of words, blood came out. Thick, dark blood. He saw the life leaving his eyes when he looked at him one last time, eyelids drooping and then closing. There was no saving him, Tony knew that, and yet he tried. He flew as fast as the suit would allow him, even though he had no idea what he would have done if he had reached him in time. Which he didn’t.

Peter disappeared before his eyes, along with the man who had put a knife through his heart. And not just any knife, not any metal would have been able to pierce the suit. It had to be vibranium. Whoever that man was, he knew that, maybe he had Peter in mind all along. The only thing Tony remembered about him were his wide, blue eyes. Cold and wild. The sadistic smile when he heard Tony’s wail of despair. Tony thought he knew him somehow, but couldn’t be sure.

They just disappeared. One second, they were there, right within his reach, the next, they were gone. He’d lost him. The person he’d sworn to protect at all costs, at the cost of his own damned life, but he was useless the moment Peter needed him the most. Gone. Disappeared before his eyes, Tony couldn’t even bring his body home.

He remembered crumbling to the ground, broken and unbelieving, staring at the empty space where Peter once stood.

“Tony...” Steve crouched down next to him, looking pained and devastated, and the older man broke down.

“I lost the kid, Steve. I lost him.”

He didn’t remember a lot of that day, he’d passed out drunk in his room for the first time in ten years, woke up hours later in the med bay with Steve, Rhodey and Pepper speaking in hushed voices. He didn’t care what they were saying, because the first thought he had when he opened his eyes was that he’d lost the love of his life. His Peter.

***

“Boss, I was able to acquire the footage from the bank’s security cameras.” Friday’s voice brought him back to the present and they all jumped up, all eyes turning to the huge screen facing the couch.

“Good girl, play it,” he answered quickly, taking a seat because he knew he would need it.

It started with a normal day in a bank, people walking around, standing in line, talking to each other, nothing out of the ordinary. Then the guy they’d seen leaving the bank in the other video – Fish-bowl-guy – appeared out of nowhere, levitating above the patrons, slowly floating down.

“My fellow citizens, do not fret, I mean you no harm.” Of course, New Yorkers wouldn’t take his word for it, not after everything they had gone through over the course of the last decade. People started screaming and running, trying to get to the exit, but Peter stood there by the door. When they tried to push through him, he webbed some of them to the walls and the others froze, slowly stepping away from him. “This will all be over soon, I promise.”

Fish-bowl-guy demanded the tellers filled bags with money from their drawers as Peter guarded the exit. He didn’t say anything and it was driving Tony crazy, because he was dying to hear him. Both because he wanted Friday to run the audio through a voice recognition software to prove once and for all that it was him, but also because for six months he hadn’t been able to even look at pictures of Peter, let alone hear his voicemails or watch his silly videos. And he had several of them, the younger man sent him at least a video a day – his daily vlogs, he called them – even if they were just in different rooms.

But Peter didn’t say anything, he just stood by the door as Fish-bowl-guy talked to the patrons.

“I know we seem like the bad guys right now, but I promise you, we’re not. We’re the heroes here, really,” He started, overlooking the tellers as they filled the bags with cash. “We’re here to take the city back from those who took it from us. You know what I’m talking about, right?” The man looked at the patrons as if he was expecting an answer, but no one said a word. “Tony Stark and his little army. He took over his daddy’s empire, now he thinks he can just take anything and claim as his own. He’s done it to this city, even if some people haven’t realized it yet. We’re his hostages. He built himself an army and they control this city, the country, even! They fake threats and then come to ‘save us’, they destroy our homes, they kill our loved ones, they don’t care about collateral damage! Some of us have lost everything, because of Tony fucking Stark and his minions. But it will all be over soon, I promise you. I will set you free.”

He took the twelve bags full of money that the tellers placed on the counter and gestured for Peter to come closer and the young man webbed his way to him, until he was standing by his side. That was the moment people started running out of the bank, the moment they saw from another point of view in the other video. As they watched people leaving, Fish-bowl-guy placed an arm around Peter’s shoulders, pulling him close in a very friendly way, it made Tony’s blood boil and his heart sink.

“You’re doing great, honey. You’re doing the right thing. Come on, now.” He stroked his shoulder softly then walked outside, followed closely by Peter and then the video was over.

The room was silent for a few seconds after that as they tried to understand what they’d just seen. Tony didn’t want to read too much into it, Peter was clearly not in his right mind if he was robbing a bank, but still – the guy called him honey. He was… comforting him. And Peter let him.

“We have to find him.” Tony quickly ordered Friday to do a thorough search on the web, check surveillance cameras all over New York, police database, anything that could give them a clue on where they might have escaped to – or where they had come from. The news said they were followed by the police for a few blocks, then they simply disappeared before their eyes. It brought back terrible memories.

“Yes, we do, but not for the reasons you want, Tony.” Bruce frowned, coming to stand next to his friend. “You have to agree this – it’s just not possible. Peter is dead, he would never –“

“Then where’s his body, Bruce? Huh? Can any of you answer me that?” He looked around the room and they all avoided his gaze, as if worried they’d break him if they dared to say what they thought. “He disappeared. Right before my eyes, Bruce. Friday couldn’t connect to Karen, we have no idea what could have happened after that.”

“Tony, his heart was pierced.” It was Natasha’s turn to try. Tony could see it was hard for her too, she had a soft spot for Peter, from the very first time Tony recruited him, when he was still an eighteen year-old kid. “He couldn’t possibly –“

“He was enhanced!” He yelled, annoyed they were all so ready to discard the possibility that the person in the video could be Peter when it very clearly was. “Is! He is enhanced! I was never able to measure just how far his healing factor went, Friday could only estimate with the amount of information we had at the time, but clearly–“

“Tony, listen–“

“No, you listen! You listen to me, okay? That’s my fiance! I’m telling you this, that is the man I love, the man I sworn to protect and then abandoned for six fucking months assuming he was dead, when I didn’t even try to look for him! I just fucking drank my days away when I could be looking for him and now he needs my fucking help! So you can either help me find him, or you can fuck the fuck off, ok?” He was breathless by the time he was done, and they all looked at him like he’d gone insane for good.

“What do you suppose happened?” Steve asked quietly, and Tony frowned. “What do you think could have happened in these past few months that would turn Peter into that?” He pointed at the screen. “If he was alive this whole time, why not look for you?”

“I don’t know, Steve, we’ll have to ask him.” Truth was, Tony was terrified of the answers to those questions. He couldn’t think about it at that moment, he had to find him first. “What happened to Barnes? You of all people –“ He didn’t need to finish the sentence, couldn’t. He sighed and Steve flinched, eyes growing wide as the familiarity of the situation seemed to dawn on him. “Do you think you could’ve mistaken him for someone else? Ever?” Tony’s eyes were burning, but he didn’t shed a tear, he didn’t have time for tears. He needed to find him.

Steve was stunned silent after that, watching Tony with huge, watery eyes.

“Tony, we just don’t want you to get hurt,” Bruce intervened again, approaching him carefully. “We don’t want you to go through the pain of losing him again in case...”

“It’s doesn’t get any worse than this, Bruce,” Tony sighed, because he knew that nothing could hurt more than the thought that he’d failed Peter. That he didn’t try to look for him. That Peter had been held captive by a fucking terrorist organization for six months because he was too drunk to get out of bed and fucking try to look for him. Because he just lost hope and never thought Peter might be out there, waiting for him to come, to save him. “There’s nowhere else to go but up, from where I’m standing.”

Nobody said anything else after that, but later that day he got a message from Steve saying they would find Peter.

***

He was in the hospital for three days after Peter’s death. He was a fifty-year-old man with a shitty heart, after all. He was sedated for most of it, whenever he woke up he was so out of his mind with grief that they put him right back to sleep. When he was finally able to go home, he insisted he was left alone, but to calm Pepper and Rhodey down, he activated Friday’s babysitter protocol. It was Peter’s creation. It would let them know if Tony wasn’t eating well, or if he harmed himself in any way. If he tried to deactivate it, it would notify them immediately.

So he was left alone, at least most of the time. He spent his days in the lab, drinking, working, crying, thinking. The memories came and went unsolicited, specially when Tony was too out of it to control them. Suddenly, he’d be back in the boy’s dorm room in Boston, looking at that ridiculous onesie that he hid in a box of books under his bed, watching him stutter as he tried to explain it was just a cosplay.

“A cosplay of some dude who does stunts on Youtube?” Tony raised a brow, amused, and Peter’s face grew red as he scrunched up his nose and frowned in annoyance.

“He’s not some dude doing stunts, he – he’s helping people!” He argued, taking the “suit” back from Tony’s hands and stuffing it under his tiny bed, before sitting on top of it.

“Sure, if you consider doing back flips for the camera helping people, then Spider-boy is doing great,” Tony shrugged, sticking his hands in his pockets nonchalantly, only to watch him grow even more irritated.

“Man! Spider-man! And I don’t just do back flips, I– He...” He stuttered and Tony took pity on him. His expression softened and he sat next to him on the bed, feeling the tension coming in waves from him as he muttered a quiet “fuck” under his breath.

“Peter, I know. I know. Okay?” He clasped a hand on his shoulder and the young man looked at him with huge, round eyes. Scared. Unsure. “I’ve been watching you for years. Your secret is safe with me. I’m not here to expose you.”

“Then why are you here?” He raised a brow and Tony took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts.

“I kinda picked up a fight with Captain America about signing some papers and then he met this friend who was supposed to be dead, like, eighty years ago, but is somehow alive and possibly a mass murderer? Now I need all the help I can get to fix it.” He winced and watched the boy’s face for his reaction, but he just raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

There was silence for a few seconds as Peter looked around the room, then back at Tony.

“So when do we leave?”

That was the thing about Peter. He trusted Tony blindingly, he never asked too many questions before jumping headfirst into whatever the older man proposed him. No matter how crazy, how inconsequential, how inappropriate. So he wasn’t too surprised when the boy said yes when he asked him out.

They had just arrived at the compound after Strange teleported them back from Titan, they hadn’t even showered yet, they were both covered in bruises and blood, but he looked at Peter and couldn’t help but think he could have lost him. They could have died, and he would have died without knowing the answer to the question that had been sitting at the back of his throat for months by then, which was–

“Yes,” Peter nodded, a faint blush taking over his dirty and bruised cheeks, and Tony blinked a few times.

“Don’t you want to think about that for a minute?” He asked, tilting his head to the side, and Peter frowned.

“Um, no? Why?”

“Because you’re twenty and I’m twenty-seven years your senior, kid.” It was terrifying to say that out loud. Peter was twenty. Tony was forty-seven. Twenty-seven years separated them. Tony was full grown man when Peter was swimming around in his father’s testicles.

“You just asked me out, you can’t call me kid anymore, I’m sure that’s written in some rulebook somewhere.” Even though he was still blushing, he found it in himself to be sassy and annoying. Tony rolled his eyes playfully.

“Fair enough. So, should I call you later?” He pointed over his shoulder, signaling that he was going to his quarters to shower and rest for a few hours. Peter frowned.

“For what?”

“For your answer? About that date?” Peter just looked at him like he’d asked the most stupid question ever.

“I just said yes.” He said, raising an eyebrow, and Tony sighed.

“I thought we agreed you’d think harder about it.”

“Uh, no, you just chickened out for a second there, but my answer is still yes.” He shrugged with a playful smile on his lips and Tony gawked at him.

“I didn’t chic – ugh, you’re such a brat.”

“I’m sure brat is off-limits, too.” He winked, walking away towards his quarters.

Tony worried about their relationship – as did everyone else, specially their close friends and May. Peter was so young and, to make matters worse, he sort of worked for Tony. Ever since Germany, the older man paid him a hefty salary for being a part of the team – he was always on call, after all, and always trained at the compound whenever he was in New York.

But as it turned out, his worry was unnecessary. Although young, Peter was mature beyond his years and acted more like an adult than Tony did most of the time – they sort of met in the middle. As for the power imbalance, it actually felt like Peter was in control more often than not. It was subtle, though, Tony only noticed because Rhodey pointed it out once.

“That kid’s got you wrapped around his little finger.” He laughed into his beer bottle as he watched Peter walking away. Tony blinked, having a sip of the tea the younger man had just brought him. Peter was dead set on getting him on a healthier diet and tea was somehow involved. The young man insisted it would help with his sleeping schedule, so Tony just agreed, even though he thought most teas tasted like dirty water. “If he says jump, you ask how high.” Tony was going to argue, but then stopped himself. He tried to think of the last time he’d said no to Peter, the last time he’d denied him anything, but not a single memory came to mind. “I’m not judging, it’s a good look on you. Whipped boyfriend.”

Tony noticed, then, that he was. Whipped, that is. Peter was always telling him what to do – gently, of course, and always with his best interests at heart. And he listened, because, as it soon became apparent, Peter was usually right about most things. Tony was more practical, he was in charge in the lab, what with decades of experience over him, as well as in the battlefield, for the same reason. But when it came to their personal lives, Peter called the shots. And it was fine. It was good. He felt loved and cared for like never before and he loved it. He loved Peter.

But he’d lost him.

And he couldn’t help but feeling guilty. It was his fault, had to be. He was in charge out there. He was supposed to look out for him in the field, he was supposed to keep him safe, bring him home alive and well, but he couldn’t even bring his fucking body back. He had nothing left of him but terrifying memories of cold, dead eyes and bloody lips trying to call out his name.

Days and weeks and months went by, but he barely noticed, barely left the tower anymore. He was vaguely aware of people coming and going – Pepper, to check on him from time to time; Rhodey, trying to get him out of the lab; Steve, with constant reports on what the Avengers were doing, as if he cared; Bruce, with excuses about projects he was working on; and Nat, for unclear reasons. They never asked him to suit up, though, not for anything. Not in a Tom Ford three-piece, not in Mark L. They just let him be. Which was good, it felt good to be forgotten up there in the workshop, which used to be their favorite place in the world.

Over those three years they’d been together, Tony had taken Peter everywhere – and he meant everywhere. A boy who had barely left Queens before he met Tony got to see so may different cities, so many different countries, even if just for one night sometimes, just for dinner, before they had to get back to their hectic lives.

But they always went back to their favorite place, Tony’s workshop, filled with so many memories it sometimes felt like it was haunted by their ghosts. Both of them. Because some part of Tony must have died with him and sometimes, when he got distracted, he saw them. Specially on the floor by the couch, that was too tiny for the two of them and Tony kept saying he was going to buy a bigger one, but for some reason he never did and they always ended up on the fluffy rug on the floor.

“You feel amazing,” Tony whispered as his fingers enveloped Peter’s hips, pulling him down lower, and the younger man moaned quietly and smiled as the words left Tony’s lips. He leaned forwards to kiss him as rocked his hips in a slow, lazy pace. “You are perfect, my love.”

“If you keep feeding my praise kink like that, I’m not gonna last two minutes here.” He laughed quietly against the older man’s lips, who sighed when he felt the boy’s muscles tightening around him.

“I won’t complain too much about it.” He tightened his grip on Peter’s hips when he sat back up and started moving up and down in a way he knew would drive the engineer insane. “You’re gonna kill this old man someday, I swear.”

“I really hope not, I kinda like him a little.”

And their ghosts giggled together and disappeared into thin air, like dust in the wind, and only a half-dead Tony remained with a glass of whiskey in hand, staring at the rug on the floor.

***

Friday was monitoring the press and the internet for any sign of Peter, but there was none to be found. For the first couple of days, Tony was restless, but hopeful. Peter had been missing for six months, there hadn’t been any sign of him for all of that time, so the fact that he appeared out of the blue that day meant that something had changed. He was sure he would show up again at any second.

As days went by, though, his hope started to dwindle. He grew desperate by the hour thinking that he would have to go another six months without seeing Peter, perhaps even longer – perhaps he’d never see him again. Sometimes he wondered if he was wrong, if that wasn’t even Peter in the video, if maybe he was really dead after all, but whenever he watched the video again he was sure of it. It was him.

So he couldn’t help but think that he had to be locked up somewhere. It brought back terrifying memories of those three months he spent in that cave in Afghanistan and how he never really recovered from that – he still had nightmares about it, twelve years later. Peter had been gone for six months, seventeen days, four hours and thirty-three minutes. And counting.

He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, the only thing he could think about was Peter, and the cave, and Barnes’s sessions with BARF, and Hydra’s brainwashing methods. He drove himself mad with all the possibilities of what could have happened to Peter – what might be happening right at that second as he waited for answers.

He’d been awake for almost sixty-two hours straight when it happened.

“I think you should see this, boss.” Friday’s voice interrupted the loud music and Tony frowned as he raised his eyes from his latest project – a new suit for Peter, one so sophisticated and impenetrable, not even vibranium could pierce through it. Friday wasn’t supposed to interrupt him unless the world was ending or she had news about Peter, Tony was very specific about that, so, yeah, he was a little freaked out when he heard her voice.

She showed him footage of Stark Tower’s security cameras, Tony’s heart almost stopped when he saw the boy sneaking in through a window, along with Fish-bowl-guy.

“He’s here.” He whispered to himself, unable to move for a second. His first instinct was to run to him, but he couldn’t be irresponsible, there were lots of people in the building, he couldn’t predict what could happen, so he had to take a few precautions. “Friday, where’s Pepper?”

“Miss Potts is not in the building, she’s caught in traffic a few miles away, boss.” Tony nodded to himself, taking a deep breath, then he started moving.

“Evacuate the building immediately, but don’t cause a panic, I don’t want them to know I know they’re here. Call Pepper, tell her to stay away. Where are they headed?” As he barked out orders, he watched Peter climb into the vents.

“They seem to be heading to the mainframe, boss.”

“Revoke Peter’s access to the systems,” Tony rushed to the elevator, the mainframe was situated right below his penthouse, it took up the whole floor and there was no way in or out other than the elevators and the air vents.

“Done, boss.”

Tony’s heart was beating wildly in his chest, filled with mixed feelings. He was going to see Peter for the first time in six months, after he literally rose from the dead – he’d gone to his funeral, for Christ’s sake – but it wouldn’t be a heartwarming reunion. He knew Peter wasn’t himself. Something had happened to him and he wasn’t okay, he was worried about what might happen, but the anxiety to see him again in person after so long was stronger than anything else.

He activated Mark L and when the door to the elevator opened, the room was quiet. It was huge, the light was low and blueish, there were at list seventeen rows of processors from one end of the room to the other, and Tony knew that at the very back, in a corner, there was a computer. He walked down the aisles quietly until he saw them. Peter had his back to him, but there was no mistaking the line of his shoulders, his neck, the way he stood, his quick fingers flying over the keyboard.

“Peter...” It came out as a sigh, but it was loud enough for both of them to hear and turn to him. For the first time, Fish-bowl-guy had his helmet off and Tony could see his face – the same face that took Peter away from him months earlier. “You!” He stalked towards them, but Peter webbed his feet together. Tony could easily break it, but stopped in his tracks, he didn’t want it to escalate to a fight. “What are you doing, Pete?”

“How dare you talk to him, Stark! After everything you’ve done?” Those eyes were so familiar, but he couldn’t place them. Tony frowned, taking a step closer, breaking the webs around his ankles.

“What– Pete –”

“You revoked my access?” Peter asked, exasperated and nervous when the computer announced his access was denied. That voice. That sweet, honey-like voice...

“So it is you.” Tony took yet another step closer, reaching out to him, but Peter got into a fighting stance.

“Why did you have to do that?” To Tony’s surprise, his voice trembled, like he was actually hurt by that. His heart broke in a million pieces. “You used to love me, you said–“ He shook his head, taking a deep breath. “You leave me no choice.”

“Peter, please–“ Before he could say anything else, the younger man leaped at him and almost managed to rip the faceplate off his face as he sat on his shoulders and started pulling it, but Tony was able to grab him and throw him away, but not far enough to hurt him. He stumbled a few feet and got right back up. “Pete, what are you doing, just stop!”

“No! You stop, Tony, please! How could you–“ He came at him again, and Tony flew out of the his way, but was caught by his web around his ankle. Peter swung him and threw him to the floor, but Tony quickly got up. “Please, Tony, you –“

“Don’t talk to him, Pete, he’s gonna try to manipulate you! We have to kill him, there’s no other choice!” Fish-bowl-guy was typing furiously at the keyboard, but Friday was keeping Tony updated. He was good, definitely above average, but he probably wouldn’t be able to hack into his systems. “Once we’re done, we can’t let him live, Peter.”

“What the fuck is he talking about! Kid, it’s me, it’s me, what are you doing?” Tony tried to reach Peter again, but he shot webs at him, trying to tie his arms to his torso, which was useless. The engineer knew Peter was going easy on him, he was almost as strong as Mark L and if the suit he was wearing was anything like the one Tony made for him, it had an instant kill mode. Still, he kept trying to bind him, not hurt him.

“I can’t let you release Extremis to the public! Please, I’m begging you, let me help you, we can–“ Fish-bowl-guy grabbed Peter’s arm, pulling him away and shaking him.

“Peter, stop fucking around! He’s dangerous!”

“Don’t fucking touch him!“ Tony had had it with him, he charged his repulsors and was going to aim right at his head, but for a short while, the room went dark, then when the lights came back up, only Peter was there. He had his mask off and, for a moment, Tony was free to breath. For the first time in months, he could fill his lungs up with air because his beautiful face was right there in front of him, within reach. Alive, healthy.

And staring at him with hatred.

“You’re disgusting, Tony. How could you do that to me? You groomed me, you sick fuck, I was just a boy, you molested me!” He started walking towards him and Tony blinked in shock.

“What?”

“You’re a good for nothing piece of shit, you left me for dead months ago, didn’t even come looking for me, I bet you found some younger ass to fuck, didn’t you? You old perv.” Tony took a few steps back, heart beating loudly in his ears. He’d never seen such hate in his eyes in all those years they were together.

“Pete...”

“You came after me because you couldn’t find someone your own age who would put up with your crap, right? The drinking, the nightmares, the fucking panic attacks, I was so fucking done with it! All of it!” He couldn’t believe his ears, Peter – he would never talk to him like that. Right? Or was that how he felt the whole time? “Give me access to EDITH, Tony.” He demanded and Tony frowned. EDITH was an AI that gave its users access to Stark Industries's global satellite network along with an arsenal of missiles and drones. It was only supposed to be used in case of Tony’s death, Peter knew that. “If you want to redeem yourself, you’ll do it, and I might forgive you.”

“Boss, I think you should see something,” Before Tony could answer, Friday activated the suit’s thermal imaging and Tony frowned. Peter was not standing in front of him. In fact, he was nowhere to be found and there was nobody where he stood just seconds ago. First, he panicked, thinking he had disappeared again, but it just took him five seconds to realize what was going on.

“Where is this hologram coming from, Fri?” Friday deactivated the thermal imaging and Tony was shocked by how realistic the Peter staring back at him was. So realistic that only one person in the whole world could have made it: himself.

“There are five drones projecting images in the room, sir.”

“Take them out.”

In seconds, five tiny missiles were launched from his suit and the drones fell to the floor, lifeless, and suddenly the whole room changed. It was still the same setting, but it somehow looked more real then, and of course, Peter had disappeared.

“Tony? Tony, where did you go?! What – what happened?” He heard Peter’s voice on the other end of the room and he rushed to get there.

Peter was curled up in a corner, looking scared and desperate as he looked around him in confusion. The other guy was kneeling next to him, trying to comfort him again.

“Pete, whatever he showed you, whatever you saw, it wasn’t real. He’s using BARF!” He tried to approach the young man, but his eyes were wild as he shook his head. He pushed the other guy away but kept crawling backwards, away from Tony as well.

“Stay away from me, please, don’t come any closer. I-I don’t wanna hurt you, please, Tony, please...” He was still looking around like he didn’t expect to still be there.

“Why do you always have to ruin every-fucking-thing, Stark? Why do you have to stand in the fucking way of every single thing that I do?” Fish-bowl-guy got up and started marching towards him, furious.

“I have no fucking idea who you are, you fucking weirdo.” Tony aimed his repulsors at him and the guy stopped, laughing incredulously.

“You hav – you motherfucker! You think you’re a God, don’t you? Above everything and everyone, literally wrapped in wealth and technology you’re unfit to wield. Like the holographic system I designed. A revolutionary breakthrough with limitless applications, that you turned into a self therapy machine and renamed it BARF! My life’s work, Stark, and you renamed it BARF! I told you it was a mistake, that my technology could change the world and then you fired me. You said I was… unstable. Ring any bells?”

It clicked, then. The crazy, wild eyes, the hand gestures, the insane world domination plans.

“Beck.” No wonder Tony had forgot about him, the guy was brilliant, but completely insane. He helped develop the technology behind BARF, but once he started talking about weaponizing it, Tony decided to let him go. “I didn’t steal it, it belonged to me, it was my idea, I made you head of the project because I thought you could see it through, but your ideas for what it could be used for were clearly unhealthy and a fucking threat to the world. So, yeah, not sorry for firing your ass, I was clearly right. What even is your endgame here, Beck? What do you want?”

“These days, you can be the smartest guy in the room, the most qualified, and no one cares. Unless you’re flying around with a cape or shooting lasers from your hands, no one will even listen. Well, now I’ve got a cape. And lasers. With my technology and with EDITH, I will be the greatest hero on Earth!” He spread his arms and laughed like the madman he was, and Tony frowned.

“Yeah? Where are your lasers now?” The guy looked at him like he had just realized he had nothing. Peter was curled in a corner, too confused to act, his drones lay limp on the floor, and he had no way out of the room. “Better luck next time, asshole.” Tony wanted to kill him, he did, but he controlled himself and just knocked him over the head. He fell heavily to the floor and Tony turned to Peter, who was still looking at him like the whole world had been turned upside down. “Peter, baby, c’mon, it’s me, it’s Tony,” He tried to approach him, but he shook his head violently.

“S-stand back!” He panted, eyes flicking between Tony and the guy on the floor. “What’s happening, I don’t understand, I don’t… We were… Outside and you…You killed people, how…”

“It’s fine, it’s gonna be fine, I promise, just trust me, I will take care of you, I’ll take care of everything, I –“

“Stay away from me!” Peter got up and run towards the elevator, Tony had no choice other than shoot him with the tranquilizer he used on Bruce when he hulked out at the wrong time. He rushed to catch him before he hit the ground and carefully cradled him in his arms.

Finally, in his arms. Warm and alive, solid and breathing.

“I’m so sorry, Peter. For everything. I’ll make it up to you.”

***

Tony startled awake when he heard screaming. His heart almost jumped out of his chest and he was on his feet in a matter of seconds the minute he registered it was Peter’s voice. He was distressed, possibly hurt, so he flew to his side, but was quickly pushed away by nurses and doctors that rushed into the room and Tony remembered the last 24 hours, where they were and why.

“Tony! Tony!” Peter called as he gasped for air, and that was more than enough for the older man to force his away back to him, grabbing his shaking hand.

“I’m here, baby, I’m here, are you okay?” He asked in a rush looking into his wild, scared eyes, and the kid just looked back at him for a few minutes, blinking several times, before he nodded slowly.

“Are you – are you real?” He rubbed his forehead, panting, and Dr. Cho approached him to run a few tests. Peter had been out for a whole day after the Hulk-sized dose of tranquilizer Tony shot him with, even with his fast metabolism.

“I am. Do you feel that?” He brushed his thumbs across his cheeks and Peter closed his eyes, sighing and nodding slowly. Tony took his hands and pressed them to his own face, down his scratchy cheeks that hadn’t seen a razor in weeks, and Peter smiled. “It’s me, I’m here now, it’s over.” Tony explained to him as doctor Cho checked his blood pressure and his pulse, asked him a few questions, then once she was satisfied, she nodded.

“You’re okay, Peter. You just need a lot of rest, ok? Most of your wounds from the fight have already healed, but I’m going to keep you here overnight just to be sure, then you can go right home, ok?” He nodded and she smiled. “Welcome back.”

She left the room and silence took over for a second, but they still looked at each other, as if afraid that if the looked away the other would disappear. Nat had interrogated Beck and figured out his plan. The terrorist attack was an ambush, it was his goal to kidnap Peter all along, he knew he was the only person, besides Tony, who had access to EDITH.

He made them see Peter’s death as he kidnapped him with an illusion of Tony. He was holding Peter in a warehouse in Queens and the sad thing was, he didn’t even need anything to contain him. He kept him there with illusions. Peter thought he was at Stark Tower the whole tome, living with Tony as if nothing had changed.

Well, with a few changes. Beck’s Tony was slowly going mad, called himself Superior Iron man and planned to take over humanity by spreading a virus called Extremis 3.0. When Peter refused to help him, he was turned into a hostage. Peter was “Tony’s hostage” for months before Beck “rescued him” – by keeping him in the same warehouse, with different illusions. He managed to make him believe the Avengers were in on Tony’s plan and they had to stop them. The bank robbery was necessary to weaponize the few drones he was able to build after he left Stark Industries.

“How… How are you feeling, Pete?” He braced himself for the answer, because he knew it would be nothing short of horrible and he knew that whatever happened to him was his fault. The younger man bit his lower lip, frowned, and shook his head slightly.

“Confused. Scared.” He confessed, tearing up, but he kept holding Tony’s hand tightly. “Not sure if any of this is even real. If you are real.”

Tony could see that he meant it when he looked into his eyes. He was terrified. The older man took a deep breath and sat beside him on the bed.

“Do you remember our trip to Brazil?” He placed Peter’s hand on his own face again, kissing its palm. Peter nodded with a small smile. “Remember our last night there, on the hotel suite’s balcony? We had been together for, what, two, three months at the time? Remember what I said to you?” A tear ran down his cheek when he whispered yes. “I’m gonna marry you someday, kid.” Tony whispered back, joining their foreheads.

“And I said you couldn’t call me kid when you were making marriage plans.” Peter laughed wetly between tears, leaning up to place a gentle kiss on Tony’s lips, sighing in relief. “I should have known that could have never been you…” Peter’s hand slid from Tony’s cheek, to his shoulder, down his arm, until it reached the little cuts on his hands, the rough pads of his fingers. Peter took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “How long?”

Peter didn’t have to ask the whole question, Tony heard it, and he squeezed his hand.

“Six months.” He winced when Peter’s eyes grew large as saucers.

“Fuck... Fuck! Tony – I feel so stupid… I should have known, I should have fucking –“

“Hey, hey, don’t, don’t you dare blame yourself, you hear me? He fooled us all, Pete. The reason why I didn’t come looking for you before was because... For six months, I thought you dead.” He cradled his face in his hands and Peter gasped.

“Oh, God, Tony.”

“I saw you die, Pete,” He whispered, lowering his head so Peter didn’t have to see his tears. “I saw you die before my eyes. And I – I believed it, too. I never went after you, kid. I’m so sorry, I could have saved you, but I–“ before he could finish, he felt the boy’s fingers under his chin, lifting his head, and he was met with an equally wet face staring back at him.

“I’m here, now. And so are you. We’ll get through this together, okay?”

“Pete...”

There were no more comforting words to say other than his name. The name he hadn’t dared to say for so many months. He knew they had a long way to go, he could predict the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the anxiety attacks, the absolute terror of thinking of ever losing him again. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but they were going to do it together, they would heal together and relearn how to recognize each other blindly once again. One step at a time.

#starker #canon-compliant #sorta #cssprompts

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laundryandtaxes · 4 years

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Hi Julia, I'm gonna push back on your post re: nyc. I grew up in another city in New York State and moved to the city at 17 for work, never going to college. I've lived in three different boroughs, and never held a lease, just for context. I think the divide of "native New Yorker" vs "transplant" is in many ways created as a way of sewing division and doesn't reflect that in every strongly-rooted ethnic group, immigrant or otherwise, there is a certain amount of coming and going. For me, every generation of my fam has come here to live for a time since immigrating, despite moving to the south or Midwest. That's super common for my ethnicity and common in many other groups here.

Many if not most of my friends who grew up here have nuanced views on this, and when it gets down to it see it beyond a binary of "native vs nonnative". I think that viewing it as a binary isn't particularly useful. There are definitely alienated internal migrants and people who move to join elite communties, but most of my friends who grew up here have lived elsewhere for a time, and if there have family or ethnic community here aren't weird about it.

This model of discourse doesnt usually talk about the strongly rooted elite/borgeiouse here, and many people who migrate to NYC internally do it for social and economic reasons. Particularly pre-pandemic, the gay and ballroom scenes were massive draws, and jobs in certain industries are concentrated here. Wealthy residents are catered to, and certain type of internal migrant/wealthy expat/wealthy immigrant is definitely catered to by legislation that favors gentrification and has made the city a playground for the rich. The city has intentionally eroded public housing, but it remains that a higher percentage of residents live in public housing, rent controlled apartments well-below market value or recieve housing subsidies here than nearly any other city in the country. People will get on public housing and section 8 waiting lists and leave the city or even country. To be here and to stay here is very tenuous for many multigenerational residents. Regardless, migration and immigrantion have been part of NYC since it began having a distinct culture towards the 1820's. Culture and social creation has never been the exclusive domain of people born here, and NYC is what it is because of born-residents, immigrants, internal migrants and being a center of cultural and social community that draws people from around the world. If it was just one of these things it wouldn't be NYC.

NYC is a place that feels disconnected from the (rest of) the USA and I think that the politicization of desire to be here will have implications exacerbated by the pandemic.

Re: nyc again:

Many wealthy people leave nyc because there isn't a great bang for your buck in the same way as other parts of the country. It's honestly a shitty and expensive place for the rich lmao.

And many poor/working class people come here bc of enviable renters protections, higher wages, and special education for disabled kids. In particular people come from within the eastern seaboard, New England and south for all of these things.

Thank you for another perspective! I am not from New York myself, so my perception of the city comes largely from the accounts of friends who are from NYC, and media, but just like with anywhere you can’t get a complete picture of what a place is like based on those two things.

I will say that a lot of what you’ve said here strongly contradicts my idea of what the city is like, some of which is based on personal experience. I considered a move to NYC at some point with an ex girlfriend (which, holy shit thank goodness that didn’t work out) and I have to say that in particular the idea of NYC as a place with “enviable renters protections [and] higher wages” specifically doesn’t square with what I saw when I researched those two things. Wages in NYC for work that doesn’t require degrees didn’t look good at all, and as far as renter’s protections go, my current understanding is that rent control is awesome but that landlords regularly engage in tenant harassment to pressure rent controlled tenants out of units and the city does almost nothing about it. The second is based more on recent articles I read and news pieces I watched about NYC, but the last time I looked at wages in NYC I was extremely unimpressed given the cost of housing alone, and when I was running the numbers for myself (this was maybe 2015ish) I came away not understanding how anyone could possibly afford to live in the city unless they 1) made a ton of money, in order to afford the outstanding rents, or 2) got into a rent-controlled apartment, which it seemed it was not easy to do unless you knew someone, like I did at the time, who was basically going to tell their landlord to hand you the lease. Obviously I’m not saying you’re wrong, just that I am very surprised to hear that anyone thinks of NYC as a place with genuinely solid rent protections and good wages, because the last time I looked it really did not seem like either of those was the case. If that is the case, that’s awesome and I am very glad to hear it. The story I was told by friends was largely one of intense, almost unbearable pressure from gentrification and jobs not paying nearly enough for the cost of living and being actively displaced by people who came to the city with an absurd amount of money to spend. So if that isn’t actually the case, that’s very very good news because I kind of had what I THINK of as contemporary NYC built up in my head as this horror story of the worst things that could happen to a city.

I also am not intimately familiar with the culture of NYC, but I have to say that I don’t think I agree with the idea that ‘ "native New Yorker" vs "transplant" is in many ways created as a way of sewing division’ because I don’t think that concept is unique at all to NYC- I certainly have a lot of a specific kind of pride in having been born and raised in Chicago, I and most other Chicagoans consider it genuinely offensive and rude when people who grew up in suburbs nearby tell people they are from Chicago, I and most other Chicagoans see ourselves, I would say, as a particular breed of people who share a particular kind of roots in this place, and I don’t think that pride is harmful or bad in any way. I would never tell someone that moving here is an evil thing to do- I consider roughly 10 years of residency to grant you the right to refer to yourself as a Chicagoan and not just a Chicago resident lol- or say that transplants to Chicago are categorically bad people. Half of that is just stupid cultural stuff, really, and shouldn’t be taken very seriously. But I don’t think the concept itself is bad. I have a fundamentally different relationship to Chicago than someone who grew up anywhere else and moved here, no matter how long they moved here, and I don’t think it is harmful at all to be open about and proud of that. I would never make the claim that transplants haven’t made massive contributions to the city, and I would assume most native New Yorkers wouldn’t make that claim about transplants to NYC.

Thank you for sharing your personal understanding of the situation there, and I am very surprised to hear that the proportion of residents in NYC who live in public or rent controlled housing is quite high, and glad to hear it. As needlessly aggressive as Chicagoans (myself included) can be when “New York” is even uttered aloud, I obviously have a lot of real respect for the city and I am glad to hear that it hasn’t just been mostly ruined in the way I had imagined it. This is a good lesson in taking any media you see about a place whose name will get clicks/engagement just by virtue of the aura of the place (New York, Chicago, San Francisco, etc) with several grains of salt. If I was only familiar with Chicago through media I’d think it was some super dangerous place when it definitely isn’t categorically.

#Anonymous

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moreflowersthanweeds · 4 years

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Tagged by @infp-with-all-the-feelings thanks Care! ❤️

Name/nickname: Snædís / Don’t really have one, but side note! If it’s easier for people to call me Snow, I’m completely fine with that. My name actually translates to Snow Fairy/Nymph/Goddess, because I am Icelandic and ridiculous. It is also hard to both spell and pronounce 🙈

Gender: Female

Star sign: Libra

Height: 5′8’’ (172 cm)

Birthday: October 10th

Favorite bands/artists: Janis Joplin, Led Zeppelin, Etta James, Big Mama Thornton, Ella Fitzgerald, Sara Bareilles

Song stuck in my head: In a Crowd of Thousands - Anastasia The Musical

Last movie: Soul (Loved it!)

Last show: Queen’s Gambit

When did I create this blog: 2013, lurked in the TVD/Klaroline fandom for a while, then went inactive until 2019 I think?

How it's going: Pretty good, just settling back into work after the holidays.

What I post: Mostly Julie and the Phantoms and The 100 (Bellarke in particular). I try not to go overboard with posting other random things that catch my interest.

Aesthetic: Probably Bohemian / Post Modern. I asked my boyfriend and he said Parisian New Yorker? So that, I guess? 😂

Last thing I googled: Aesthetic quiz, cause I had no idea how to answer that haha

Other blogs: No sir

Following: A ton of wonderful people ❤️

Followers: I have some? I’m not sure how to answer this haha < Same Care

Average sleep: Usually 7-9 hours, less if I am up reading fanfiction of course

Lucky number: 8

Instruments: I sing and play guitar. I got my boyfriend a keyboard for Christmas, which I want to learn to play as well. Oh, and I played the trumpet in an after school program for a while.

What I'm wearing: Black leggings and a grey hoodie.

Dream job: I always wanted to be a veterinarian, but they don’t teach that here, and I decided not to move abroad to study.

Favorite animal noise: My cat purring.

Random: I decided to torture myself and start yet another Chloe Ting challenge yesterday. Woohoo.

Favorite song: At the moment? Probably Wake Up - Julie and the Phantoms.

Last book: Currently reading Everything Is Fucked - A Book About Hope by Mark Manson.

Top 3 fictional universes i want to live in: Harry Potter. Also think it would be pretty neat to be a Shadowhunter. Pokemon? Lmao

Tagging/sending love: @everythingeverythingeverything @archiveofmelancholy @sharkbaitouhaha @ruzek-halstead @blush-and-books @a-chaotic-ananas @widonotts @cheesecakediscourse @morganswifts @alphabeat920 @crybabyddl @hues-of-purple @bookwormforalways (I know Care tagged you, just wanted to send some love ❤️)

Anyone else that wants to do this, consider yourself tagged!

#about me #tag game

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cherry-holland · 5 years

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Dmitri Island: ch 1

A/n: here’s the first chapter!!! Sorry it’s so long I wanted to get the reader and Tom’s back history started!! But I hope y’all enjoy it 🥰

Beep, beep, beep.

[[MORE]]

The blaring sound of your alarm rang through your ears, waking you from your dreamless slumber. Groaning, you fiddled around in the darkness searching for your phone.

Where is this damn thing? And why is it so loud?

Once you found it, you brought it close to your face and stopped the obnoxious alarm from ringing anymore to give you a peace of mind. Your phone cleared the alarm away from the screen as you saw a row of messages from Tom, your best friend.

T: loooooooove, WAKE UP!!!!!!

T: (y/n/n), I need you!!!!!!! 😭

T: Come overrrrrr 🥺

T: this is verrrrry important (y/n/n), n I need ur help ASAP xxx

T: (Y/N)!!!! ANSWER ME THIS IS URGENT 😰😰😭😭🥺🥺

“Oh my gosh,” you let out a loud laugh as you scroll through the extensive, dramatic messages left by Tom.

Some say it was crazy how you met Tom. You had just moved to London after your job had you transfer to run their UK division from your cozy, well-known New York office. You were so excited for the opportunity for change, even though you loved your NY team. You were desperate for a change of pace, so it was only natural for you to say yes to the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Not too long after you moved, you were checking out the scene that engulfed your new apartment, and had stumbled on a cute & quaint coffee shop. You walked in, and was in the middle of picking up your coffee when you felt a stiff, dark figure bump into your left shoulder, causing the coffee to spill everywhere.

You let out a small gasp as the scalding cup of coffee landed on the sleeve of your grey sweater. How in the hell does this happen to me? You were about to curse out the person who bumped you when you looked up and saw what was the most beautiful boy you had ever seen.

He was dressed in all black, with the collar of his pea coat cuffed up to cover his neck from the London cold. He definitely looked to be about your age, maybe a bit younger if anything. He had the most gorgeous head of dark brown curls, and they looked so glossy and soft under the warm lights of the dim cafe. His dark brown eyes were wide with fear (probably because of the scowl you were sporting) and embarrassment, but still there was a glimmer of something else you couldn’t make out. His chiseled face was flushing a deep red, and his mouth was hung wide open.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry, love. I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t see you there and-“

“No, no, it’s okay,” you sighed, feeling the creases of your forehead lift at the sight of the boy in front of you. “It was an accident, it’s all good.”

“Oh, good,” the boy relaxed, “because I thought you were gonna full-on beat me up.”

Your ears perked at his charming British accent, something you still hadn’t gotten used to after being in the UK for about a week at that point. “Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. It’s not usually a good thing when someone does what you did where I’m from, guess it was a quick reaction.”

“It’s okay, darling,” the boy smiled. “Where I’m from, it’s usually a cause for conversation with a pretty girl.”

“Hmm, is that so?” You felt your cheeks get hot at his comment and tried to flush it down by feigning confidence. “Well that’s a funny way to get someone’s attention. Guess that’s how it is over here, innit?”

“Yeah, it’s an unusual way, but it works quite often for me,” the boy winked at you as you felt the heat return to your face. “I’m Tom, by the way.”

“Hi Tom, I’m (y/n),” you replied, sticking out your hand to reach Tom’s already outstretched hand.

After that initial conversation, the two of you sat down in that coffee shop and talked for hours, getting to know one another. You found out he was an actor, and that he had just left New York after filming the new Spider-Man movie, and he found out you were from New York and the reason for your move.

Ever since that day, the two of you were inseparable. Even Tom’s friends and family would comment at how he always seemed to be by your side, but it never traveled over that line. That invisible line between friends and lovers, despite the fact that it felt like you two were always dancing around that line.

You were pulled out of your thoughts at your phone dinging, signaling another text coming through. However, it was not Tom that was ringing you this time, but Harrison, Tom’s best friend who was also yours.

Haz: dude, if you don’t get your 🍑 over here ASAP, tommo’s gonna combust 🙃

You: lmao, I’m coming!!!! Tell the div to chill and I’ll be by within the hour 💃🏽

You type away, and went to your contacts and searched for Tom’s number, hitting the call button as you peeled yourself out of bed to grab some caffeine.

“You know, a simple reply would have been really great, (y/n). Almost gave me a heart attack,” Tom’s dramatic voice filled your kitchen after not even one ring.

“Well good morning to you, too. Tommy, you know Saturday’s are my days to sleep in. Not everyone has the requirement to wake up at ungodly hours on weekends to exercise,” you chuckled. Sometimes, being friends with an actor can be so... dramatic.

“It’s a part of the job, darling. This is my line of work,” Tom replied, and you could hear the sarcasm dripping in his voice.

“Sorry your line of work sucks,” you snorted as the beeping of your coffee maker sounded, signaling the end of the brewing.

“(Y/n), are you seriously still drinking coffee? We have to change that - you’re a Londoner now!” Tom shouted.

“No way, Tommy. I’m a New Yorker through and through, and there is no way I’m gonna have tea before coffee. Once a New Yorker-“

“Always a New Yorker. I know,” Tom interrupted, causing both of you to laugh. “So, darling, when are you popping on over?”

“Soon. I still have to get presentable, you know. Can’t come over in my pj’s,” you speak while taking a big gulp of the sweet caffeine in your favorite mug. It was a mug Tom and Harrison had given you for Christmas, and it had a picture of the New York City skyline covering the entirety of the mug. They gave it to you because it was the first Christmas you were not able to go home, so the two of them, Tom’s brothers Sam & Harry, and you guys’ other best friend, Tuwaine, brought Christmas in New York to you. Tom had organized the whole thing, and it made your heart swell.

There were so many moments in you guys’ friendship that twisted your heart in ways that should have killed you in the best way. But that day was the day everything changed for you. The way the day was planned, down to the gift that he and Harrison (but mainly Tom, because Harrison sometimes has a tendency of forgetting things) had gotten you, made you realize you were falling for your best friend.

It was hard not to - Tom is gorgeous. Like the kind of gorgeous that could take your breath away. And what made it even better is his sweet heart. He loved people with his whole heart, and he always made sure everyone who was around him was well taken care of. Despite his movie-star status, he still remained humble, which was so admirable to you.

“(Y/n/n), you could come over in a garbage bag and it would still be acceptable in my house,” Tom giggled, interrupting your thoughts.

“Oh hush, you. Okay, lemme get ready and I’ll be there in 30!”

“Okay, darling! See you soon!”

With that, you hung up and padded over to your room. You opened the sliding doors of your closet, sifting through the cozy linens and sweaters lined up in color order. London was a lot colder than New York during the fall, which you appreciated, but sometimes it got hard finding an outfit to fit this chilly weather. So you went with your go-to.

Working in the city taught you a lot about fashion, especially working with a fashion magazine. You were always up-to-date on trends because of it, and being editor-in-chief, it was necessary. Most people would go for a full-on sweatsuit with old sneakers, but your mind was trained to always look put-together, even when you were being “bummy”.

You pulled out your black jogger sweatpants and a long-sleeved, white, cropped graphic tee with an artsy-looking face on it, and your undergarments. You threw it on, and fast-walked to your bathroom, where you washed your face and brushed your teeth. Afterwards, you put on a little bit of concealer, blush, mascara, and eyebrows, and ruffled your hair out of its bun. You didn’t care to style it because it was your day off, and you were just going to hang out with your best friends, so it was highly unnecessary. Also, you were having a pretty decent hair day, so you just went with it.

Before leaving, you grabbed your black and white-speckled pea coat and slid on some pointed black flats. You took your keys and purse, and before opening the door, you grabbed your phone and headed out the door.

Fifteen minutes later, you pulled up to Tom and Harrison’s apartment and hit their buzzer four times. You hear the lock click, and you quickly walked into the warm building.

You could hear the chatter of multiple boys behind the door of their apartment before opening it. Tom and Harrison always knew to leave the door unlocked when you came over, mainly because of laziness, but it was definitely more of a comfortability, which you didn’t understand.

“You know, boys, having your door unlocked is super dangerous. I could’ve been a murderer for all you know,” you shouted as you stepped into the cozy modern apartment.

“(Y/n), we know it’s you. You have such a unique buzzer, so we always know,” Harrison rolled his eyes as he walked over to give you a hug.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Where’s the fussy boy at?” You replied as you were taking off your coat.

“Over here!” Tom perked up from behind the massive dark grey couch. His wet, post-shower curls bounced up from over the cushions, his face painted with a huge grin.

“What are y’all doing?” You asked as you made your way over to sit by Tom on the couch. While walking over, you saw the heads of more familiar sets of brown curly hair turn to face you.

“We’re looking to see where we all wanna go next on holiday, (y/n/n)!” Sam, one of the twins grinned.

“Yeah, we’re going on holidayyyyy!” Harry, the other twin, perked up, his grin reaching the freckles that lined his cheeks.

“No way! Is this what you were bugging me about, Holland?” You bump Tom in the shoulder as you sat down.

“Yes! I told you it was urgent! We need help finding a place,” Tom replied, tugging your arm in fake desperation.

“Okay, okay. Let’s look and see what we can find,” you sighed, eyes lighting up in playfulness at his response.

You took out your phone and began searching. It felt like forever, because there were so many different places you guys looked at. And it seemed like everyone was saying “no” to everyone’s ideas.

Twenty minutes later, your landed on a page talking about this island in the states that you had never heard of. The header of the article read, DMITRI ISLAND: THE BEST DESTINATION YOU NEVER HEARD OF. You figured, hmm, this could be worth a shot. You skimmed the article quickly, and as you were reading it, you knew in your heart this was it.

“Hey, have y’all heard about this? There’s this island that’s off the coastline where there’s only a population of 110 people, and there’s all this historic stuff about it and the only mode of transportation is golf carts,” you said, scrolling through the beautiful photos of the island you found on google.

“No I don’t think I have. What does it look like?” Tom asked, leaning over your shoulder as you scroll through. He rested his cheek on your shoulder while his curious brown eyes scanned the screen, causing a faint blush creep onto your face.

“Guys, we’re supposed to be looking for vacation spots, not desolate islands,” Harrison groaned into his phone, giving your right arm a little shove.

“Oh come on, Haz, this is a vacation spot! There’s multiple accesses to the beach, a live lounge where music plays all throughout the weekend, a tequila distillery, and a massive golf course in one of the hotels that are there,” you laugh, returning the shove into his left arm while wiggling your eyebrows.

“A golf course?! Mate, we’re definitely going. (Y/n), book the ferry tickets!” Harry perked up from his current binge of Stranger Things on the enormous SmartTV to jump out of his seat, shaking Harrison’s right shoulder in agreement.

You had to laugh to yourself at your friends. They were all so different, and such dorks, you just couldn’t help but admire their banter and energy. “Alright, y’all, the ferry tickets are booked. Vacation, here we come!”

A chorus of shouts and cheers erupted in the expansive living room of the boys’ apartment as the excitement and promise of a relaxing vacation starts to become a reality.

You know the boys needed this vacation, especially Tom. They all have been working so hard to get their careers on the path that they desire, and Tom has his fair share of craziness this past year. With Far From Home, Endgame, the press tours, and his other projects that were coming up, you knew he was exhausted beyond belief. He wouldn’t admit it to himself, but he desperately needed a break from reality. And that’s what you vowed you would do - get him and the boys a chance to breathe without people constantly bombarding them with questions, invading their personal life.

You were determined to make this vacation worthwhile, and as you looked down at Tom, you saw a new glow lit deep within him. His smile was practically taking up his entire face, he had a small flush of pink on the apples of his cheeks, and a glint of excitement in his deep brown eyes.

And it was a glow you wanted to continue seeing in him.

A glow you wanted to be the reason for.

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland blurb

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panelshowsource · 5 years

Text

i love ur journey w your mom!!! wish i had that lol tmi sarah tmi... i to this day cannot believe how many people don’t like joe wilkinson. it wasn’t until i was introduced to the reddit comments section that i came to realise how much he divides people. but some nice ol’ mom would certainly be able detect what a big fucking puppy dog sweetheart joe is despite being neck-full of lager and spam :)

i sometimes watch it when i’m going to sleep because, without an audience or laugh track, it’s peaceful af!!! there seem to be more and more ivo graham stans coming out of the wild :’) i like him, but i don’t think i could look past the cynical character he plays to actually see “adorable”... maybe i’ll have to watch it and get back to you hehe~

vent away! i don’t want people to feel uncomfortable on the blog or with panel shows in general, but there is always something happening in comedy that is subversive or problematic — and deserves re-evaluation, to put it nicely. sorry for the dumb question, but what are you implying he confirmed? this is the last thing from him i thought was explicit enough to be a not-a-confirmation-but-essentially-a-confirmation. it’s disappointing he keeps the character up when his audiences are over it, comedy audiences and britain’s got talent audiences alike. i don’t want to be a hypocrite; there was definitely a time when i thought the overarching jimmy and david romance was funny and cute, and i would probably still laugh at a good joke in that context because their friendship is fun. i’d be interested to hear what others think, but i assume we’re all in agreement...

give me another week, i just got premiere on my work comp so i’ll at least make a 1-min compilation ;)

i think so many people relate to this! i live in nyc so there’s tons of non-new yorkers and foreigners here and i hear this alllllllll the time. but don’t worry — you don’t need to apologise for americanisms as long as they lean on the “gosh darnit!” or “howdy!” side of things ;)

sorry anon, the only show of his i have seen is the darkness of robins! does someone else wanna pipe up with a rec?

my answer is subject to change at any time so please feel free to ask me again, like, tomorrow, but for now let’s go with...

wilty was so fun!!! why is she so fucking funny and charismatic and quick and witty and cool!!! here’s all the feelings i had, not necessarily in this order:

🔥💘🤗🤗🍯😍🌟🥀😋🤠😚😚😚💞

hey there! i don’t have enough time to really dedicate to podcasts which is one of the great tragedies of my millennial life atm... that said, that is so cute!!! that would be so fun! i often wonder why d&v don’t work more together. i know david’s been on a bunch of heresy but in general can you believe how long we had to wait to see victoria on wilty again? radio work is probably pretty easy and convenient to do together without too much “look at us we’re married” fanfare that i assume they want to avoid. they talk about each other all the time, and i was so happy to see victoria even open up about barbara recently. so i just wish they would show up on more programmes together!! fingers crossed for shagged married annoyed and....taskmaster 0:-) #agirlcandream

same!!! i remember reading her birth announcement on victoria’s twitter! i totally respect their privacy but i hope we get a first day of school pic or something one day. she must be too sweet :’)

thanks :)

both of my 200gb drives are full so i need to move some stuff around and do some general housekeeping, which i can take care of this week. in the meantime, they’re always available in the subreddit! be sure to check out my faq so you know how to source things whilst i’m being slow or inactive :)

taskmaster can make you develop feelings about anyone, trust ✋ you don’t even want to see the thirst i have of david fucking baddiel in my inbox. smh. you people will thirst after anyone!!!

see?

* jk this one actually is valid

jk THIS one is actually valid

we’re gonna get you the help you need

you wouldn’t believe the kinds of miscommunications beyond chips and biscuits lmao. but it’s true in general not having a pretty serious working knowledge of popular british chains, foods, geography, etc. can make half of what gets said on a show like 8 out of 10 cats totally nonsensical. that said, i’m always impressed by how much the british panelists know about american politics 🤷‍♀️

taskmaster made me love her 20x more and i already loved her A LOT. do we need a jo taskmaster moments gifset?

sure, i would! that said, they’re all repostable, as i explain on those posts, so you can use them wherever you like, on twitter or otherwise!

hello~ i wrote a little bit here

f.a.q. // tags

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shikai-the-storyteller · 5 years

Text

Homestretch....the final Cyberverse episodes... :’(

Season 3: Episodes 21 - 26

Episode 21

Ok so before we start, I gotta fess up and say I got spoiled for something because Twitter Sucks, so I know Tarn is in this series. Here are my predictions about that:

Megatron said he rescued Astrotrain from a tyrant. I thought he meant an Alt!Universe version of him, but now that I know This Bastard is gonna be in it, I’m guessing it’s Tarn

If Megatron DID save Astrotrain from Tarn, it’d be hilarious if Tarn & co. weren’t actually planning to kill Astrotrain, they were just using him as transport, in which case Megatron essentially car-jacked (train-jacked?) them.

As much as I rag on Tarn and the DJD I actually do genuinely love the idea of an Autobot + Decepticon teamup against the DJD THAT WOULD BE SO FRICKIN COOL....

Anyways, on to the episode!

Pics taken 10 seconds before disaster, rip Cosmos.

MEDIA BOT and Cosmos! :D GOSH COSMOS REALLY IS CONFIRMED FOR BABY THAT”S ADORABLE.....I’m so glad he’s finally back in a cartoon

OH WHOOPS I FORGOT WINDBLADE WAS FRICKIN DEAD (ish)

LUNA 3???

The “FORBIDDEN” moon?

Chromia: You can go there anyways! Bee: Huh? Chromia: When have the rules ever stopped you before? Bee: Fair point

BRO WHY DO YOU HAVE A TOY OF SQUIDSCREAM

aw I love all those photos of him and cosmos, that’s cute

Oh no did he quit the business because he lost Cosmos???

METEOR-FIRE what a cool name

I like this dude a lot

I love that he’s obviously depressed about losing his partner but immediately gets convinced to go break into Luna 3 lmao

HE’S GOT CUTE CAMERAS WITH HIM I love that

LMAO I was gonna say “Wow you just flip the switches alright” THEN HE JUST RIPS THE CORDS OUT I love this guy

Hmm suspicious

Aw I love the space-shots of Cybertron, what a gorgeous planet....

Oh hello cannon-fodder #418

SHOCKWAVE SHOCKWAVE SHOCKWAVE!!!!!

IT”S THE GRUDGE LMAO

It’s probably a sim that shows you the scariest thing you can think of

BLURR!!! AW THAT’S SO SAD

Ok I take it back, it’s probably like MTMTE’s “Cyberutopia” thing where it reads your memory files

Watch the cameras Bee!!!

“Bee, I don’t mean to alarm you, but the alien presence has taken over my circuits” *HEAD DOES A 180* GOSH I LOVE THIS FRICKIN SHOW

The facial expressions in this show are SO FUN Bee’s so expressive I love that

I like that Meteor-Fire is so chill about this, this ain’t his first rodeo

He just snaps his neck back into place that’s so freaky and they play it off so well lol

PRETTY SPACE BALL???? PRETTY SPACE BALL!!! HEY HASBRO CAN YOU MAKE A TOY OF THIS I WANT IT!!!!!!

Gosh I’d legit buy a gem like this if it had constellations engraved on it THAT’S SO PRETTY I LOVE IT

It’s a good thing that Bee’s got Meteor-Fire with him, this is his field!!!

Oh lmao JUST KIDDING I GUESS

Well so much for the alien, rest in pieces

I think Saling already said this in their liveblog but I love that Bee’s collecting Windblade’s parts a-la-Megaman X2 style

COSMOS!!!!!! Yay I’m so glad they got him back!!!

Meteor-Fire: Look everybody, Cosmos is back!!! :D ME TOO BUD I’m so excited to see my space-baby

RODDY AND ARCEE!!!! I love that Percy took over for Maccadam, but that’s also so sad!!! ALSO WHY HAS HE NOT FIXED HIS EYES, RATCHET PLEASE HELP THIS POOR GUY

Episode 22

OHH PRETTY PLANET

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The background designers on this show are great

Rodimus: That place has nothing but bad memories for me Every Drift fan simultaneously: Mood....

I really don’t think they’ll bring Drift back (unless he’s like, a zombie, which would still suck) so that’s a bummer

Rodimus: *Talking about his trauma* Me, very distracted: Wow Bee looks really cute here

SERIOUSLY THOUGH THEY NEED RUNG IN THIS SERIES They need a therapist in every Transformers series, all these bots need therapy (though tbf they tried to give Starscream therapy and that sure didn’t help, pft)

GRIMLOCK MAYBE DON’T--oh ok too late WELL THERE THEY GO

Repugnis?? I don’t remember who that is

A CITY?????? PRETTY

INSECTICON

lmao the frickin voice actor for that grey dude cracked me up

BEE MAYBE DON’T IMMEDIATELY TRUST THEM

Energon masters???? What

Interesting that they used “She” for Grimlock

Affluence??

Oh great these guys are the Cybertronian bourgeoisie

Oh boy they’re just wasting energon huh

THE SHOCKS????

That’s a pretty bubble but JEEZ

OH NO WHY CAN”T HE TRANSFORM??

WAIT WHERE”S THE AUDIO oh wait no OP did mention there was an audio dropout

Is Grimlock gonna make friends with the bugs!!!

OH RIGHT the bug is Repugnis

Aw the bugs are way nicer than the bourgeoisie, surprising absolutely no one

HELL YEAH, EAT THE RICH GRIMLOCK

“If we let you go, things will change! We like things the way they are” jeez

I wonder how the Shocks came about

It frickin figures

PRISON BREAK BEE!!!!

EAT HIM GRIMLOCK!!!

“Well this is quite astonishing” cute....

YEAH I WAS WONDERING IF THEY HAD THE SAME ALT MODE they looked like they had bug-bits, I didn’t realize that thing was keeping them from transforming though

Episode 23

Oh right Megatron has a Matrix of Leadership I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

I ALSO FORGOT WHIRL WAS IN THIS SERIES, MY BABY.....

JETFIRE WATCH OUT YOU BIG NERD

“Rack ‘n Ruin and Ratchet” OH IS THIS GONNA BE A RATCHET EPISODE??? PLEASE?????? PLEASE SAY RATCHET EPISODE

Aw poor Rack n Ruin...

RATCHET BABY BOY!!! I forgot he was a New Yorker in this series lmao

“I LOVE Jetfire!” “I know, me too!” CUTE....

I love that every continuity has Ratchet stuck with someone who annoys him in a ship

I love that Ratchet’s not even concerned

RATCHET’S DESIGN IN CYBERVERSE IS SO CUTE...

Wait UNSPACE???? Isn’t that where they sent a bunch of bad people????

Different Quantum Frequencies??? Dimensionally aligned??? MAN I LOVE THIS GOOFY SHOW

“It’s a blue-purple” CUTE....

UH OH HERE COMES ASTROTRAIN throwing dead-end??

I love that Astrotrain is so HUGE compared to everyone else, thank you Cyberverse for my life

“Every time..” LMAO GOSH THIS SHOW IS LITERALLY THE BEST someone please make a gif of that. I love that this implies that every time someone rides in Astrotrain they get ejected at 100 mph and skid 50 ft face-first, that’s such a delightful mental image. I think this 5 second scene is legitimately one of my favorite goofs / scenes in this show IT’S JUST THAT GOOD

You can tell I really enjoyed something when I make a meme of it

IT”S ILLEGAL TO BE THIS CUTE!!!!!!!!

OK IT’S LEGITIMATELY A LITTLE FRIGHTENING TO SEE HOW HUGE ASTROTRAIN IS WHEN IN ATTACK-MODE, HE SO EASILY PICKED THEM UP but that’s why it’s cool for him to be SO much bigger than they are, I LOVE BIG CYBERTRONIANS

LMAO I LOVE ASTROTRAIN he’s such a turd to DeadEnd

“Time to pay Ratchet a house-call. ‘Cuz he’s a doctor!” I almost snorted my drink up my nose, I LOVE THE DORKY HUMOR IN THIS SHOW

I swear this series was made with me in mind

TWO HEADS, NO BRAINCELLS

You wonder if Shadow Striker and Soundwave ever just rock-paper-scissor to see who has to deal with the latest Autobot bs that day

“And we don’t” OH SHOOT THEY’RE BEING LEFT OUT OF THE DECEPTICON’S PLANS TOO...This is more dire than I thought

Man I really do love Shadow Striker and Soundwave, they’re the only competent Decepticons

OH NO NOT RATCHET!!! NO!!!!!

Ohh so Astrotrain is still a triple changer in this series!! :O

WOW A SHOT TO THE HEAD REALLY DIDN”T DO ANYTHING HUH

REST IN PIECES DEADEND lmao he and Percy both have good survival stats it seems

NICE MOVES GRANDPA glad your hips still work lol

Oh good I’m glad they actually kept the purple thing

RIP Rack n Ruin

DEADEND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS

YEAHHHHH SHADOW STRIKER AND SOUNDWAVE!!!!!

“You’ve been told this area is off-limits” Oh shoot so Megatron really doesn’t trust them with this huh??? Must be some serious stuff they saw while universe-hopping

“Make us” SOUNDWAVE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU MY SASSY BOY

Love that he’s pissing off this dude who’s literally 4 times his height, love my son

Shadow Striker & Soundwave are Goth / Jock solidarity

Ratchet: Yeah yeah yeah I know Cuteeee

Wow they’re really not gonna help Shadow Striker and Soundwave????

THEY’RE LITERALLY JUST DOLL-SIZE IN HIS HANDS which is probably a not great reminder for Soundwave after that Dr. Tentacle Dude incident

Astrotrain: *bops their faces together* heehee Soundwave: BI Shadow Striker: >8(

JEEZ, BYE ASTROTRAIN

THE STYLE IS SO JARRING I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE UNSPACE AND HOW IT LOOKS (especially when contrasted with the regular drawing-style of the show. Really great artistic choice!)

Oh shoot so Astrotrain can just leave whenever huh

Aw what cute high fives, man this show has such good vibes

Episode 24

NOOOO ONLY THREE EPISODES LEFT.....

:(((((

WINDLBADE!!!! I hope she’ll be ok

DID it work?? Wait you guys still have two frickin shards left, YOU”RE SO BAD AT THIS

A SHARK????? WTF

HE JUST PICKED HER UP AND DIPPED WTF WHO IS THAT

It’s not Skybyte obviously but he’s a shark too so WHO IS THAT

OHH IS THAT THE HALL OF RECORDS????

Wait wtf the Decepticons are attacking?? Oh wait RACK N RUIN DID YOU REALLY TELL THEM THAT

OH NO HE FROZE

WHOA WHAT”S HAPPENING

WHAT OPTIMUS NO

WHAT”S HAPPENING!!!!! WTF

I WAS GONNA MAKE A BSOD JOKE BUT I TAKE IT ALL BACK OPTIMUS PLEASE BE OK YOU CAN’T DIE IN THIS SERIES

Is this referencing the other time when he glitched oh no....I knew that’d come back to bite us

In other news, I love that we’re learning more about the life and (cyber)biology of Cybertron, I’m so glad we got to have pretty much almost the entire series set on Cybertron

I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THAT!!! THAT’S SO COOL!!! This is the stuff I want to see in Transformers shows!!!

Hasbro could literally make a nature documentary set on Cybertron and I’d be ecstatic. Gimme more details about their world and architecture and city stuff

“Fellow Primes, why have I been summoned?” Oh shoot so the other past primes can just jack OP’s consciousness whenever??? That frickin sucks. I do love the Atlantis vibes I’m ge HOLY FRICK IS THAT MAC

AHHHHHHHH MACCADAM!!!!!!!!!!! GRANDPA!!!!!!! PLEASE GIVE OPTIMUS DAD ADVICE!!!!!! IM SO GLAD WE GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN

Chromia: Bee are you crazy?? Bee: YES! *jumps off the ship*

I love that this weird storm cloud area is basically like an ocean, that’s so cool

OH NO BEE!!!!!!!

Jeez that startled me, the shark sounds just like Bee

“Well you’re doing a scrap job” lmao Chromia please

Oh it’s the Argon Sea, it IS an ocean pft

“An ancient evil” hooo boy

BEE he’s so cute. Wait don’t just jump down a random hole AT LEAST WAIT FOR CHROMIA

CREEPY TENTACLE STUFF AGAIN, JEEZ CYBERVERSE

KICK HIS BUTT CHROMIA

Aw man, not you too Bee

MISTRESS OF FLAME!!!! I get so excited about every IDW reference haha, I love Caminus and I love that they’re letting that still exist

JEEZ THAT”S NOT CREEPY AT ALL

Is this a Titan???? IT IS A TITAN

It’s like a Cthulu titan huh

Chromia: That is THE creepiest thing I’ve ever heard THANK YOU CHROMIA, SAME THOUGHT

Chromia’s just like “This doesn’t even come close to my Top 10 list of BS I’ve had to deal with lately”

More weird smoke, oh great

JEEZ THAT’S A FREAKY TITAN

Me, crying softly: GAY RIGHTS....(and Bee). MAN THE FRIENSHIPS IN THIS SHOW ARE SO GREAT :’)

ALCHEMIST PRIME!!!!!!!!! I FRICKIN KNEW YOU WERE A PRIME

“But this is not about me” I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU THOUGH

Wait why is a part of Windblade in Megatron’s Matrix

WHY WOULD THEY ALSO BE IN THE OTHER MATRIX oh they mean alt-universe them

It’s frickin HYSTERICAL that every time Optimus has some ~deep spiritual~ conversation with the past Primes he’s just standing there frozen while the Autobots wait for him to unfreeze like he’s some kind of ancient computer doing updates. Like, that’s legitimately one of the funniest pieces of information canon’s given us so far, thank you for my life Cyberverse writers.

I wonder if Arcee and the other bots ever take selfies with him while he’s frozen like that THERE’S SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR COMEDY HERE

Optimus: *is frozen for a couple hours while talking to old Primes* Autobots: *put on PJs and unroll their sleeping bags so they can have a slumber party while waiting for him*

Heck now I’m just imagining them playing truth or dare or some similar game while waiting for Optimus to wake up.

I’m sure at some point during their voyage on the Ark, Optimus froze and they all played the “who can do this silly / embarrassing thing in front of Optimus and get away with it before he wakes up” game. Like, Rodimus somersaults down the hall while spouting fire in front of Optimus, Bee does a handstand while singing the alphabet backwards, etc, and whoever’s in front of Optimus when he “wakes up” loses. (It’d be even funnier if Optimus kept pretending to be frozen while they played until someone did something REALLY embarrassing and he unfroze to freak them out. Then again, the Matrix going back into his chest would probably be too much of a giveaway huh)

OH NO I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN THE EUPHORIA OF THIS IDEA I FORGOT THERE’S ONLY TOO EPISODES LEFT NOW....

Episode 25

I love Astrotrain’s design (both in bot-mode and his alt mode) because he just looks like a grumpy evil train and that makes me so happy.

Also RAIN!!! I love rain and this looks so pretty

LMAO ASTROTRAIN YOU’RE SUCH A TURD I had no opinion of him before this show but now I frickin love him

HE PULLED THE CHAIR OUT FROM UNDER HIM

“I HAVE HIS MATRIX” OH NO DID HE STEAL THIS FROM SHATTERED GLASS’ OPTIMUS OH FRICK

Megatron running like that while holding the Matrix in his hands reminds me so vividly of a younger sibling stealing their older sibling’s diary and fleeing at top-speed from said older sibling and that’s hilarious to me. Megatron is so petty

Dang, so that’s how his eye got messed up. Ngl it’s a good look

CYBER COWS!!!!

Wow that wall is so WEAK the Decepticons are so dumb lmao

Oh yeah they have a new furry on their team

Rodimus: Math isn’t my strong-suit.

Arcee: Especially me! Arcee you are ADORABLE

OH SHOOT MEGATRON CAN TALK TO THE PAST PRIMES TOO...DANG

WINDBLADE!!! MAKE WINDBLADE A PRIME YOU COWARDS

Ok I know I said “Shattered-Glass Optimus” earlier but based on that spoiler some moron on Twitter posted, IT’S PROBABLY TARN...man I wish I hadn’t seen that spoiler but despite that IM STILL EXCITED

Makes you wonder how TARN got the Matrix though (not that I can’t guess 8( )

Oh my gosh I just realized we have the potential to see Windblade kick Tarn’s butt in this series. Cyberverse PLEASE, I’D LOVE TO SEE THAT

Ah so Astrotrain is the new scientist

Ur bugs are probably dead dude

LASERBEAK!!!!

RAVAGE??? Oh no that’s the furry dude MAN I GET SO EXCITED EVERY TIME, I KEEP FORGETTING

As much as I Die for loyal Soundwave, it’s really cool seeing him being his own character and acting on his own in this series and trusting his own judgement / surveillance! It’s so good. Soundwave you’re so smart (and I love that he loves Laserbeak :’) )

*SOBBING* CASE IN POINT...HE PET THE BABY..

OHOHO IT”S *THE* INSECTICONS

Oh shoot the Insecticons are deserting

“No one can stop him. Not even you” dang son

“He doesn’t want us. He wants you” OH BOY

MY BABY WHIRL!!!! THAT’S MY BOY

SEEKERS!!! I forgot we still had a few who Starscream didn’t frickin kill

NICE JUMP-ATTACK OPTIMUS I love that he cuts the dude’s weapon in half meanwhile Grimlock just frickin eats the guy lmao. So much for Optimus’ mercy

FRICK FRICK FRICK IT IS TARN

OK TARN OBJECTIVELY SUCKS BUT AT THE SAME TIME I ACTUALLY DO LOVE HIM BECAUSE HOLY FRICK IS HE A DANGEROUS CHARACTER AND THERE’S SO MUCH TO PLAY WITH THERE, I CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM AND HOW THEY USE HIM FOR THE STORY AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dead End: Yeah, I see your point Lmao I love this guy

Everyone’s gonna frickin die in this series

OH NO WHIRL oh wait yeah he and Dead End know each other, Whirl’s fine

SOUNDWAVE CAN YOU AND SHADOW STRIKER CHILL FOR 2 SECONDS

I love Skybyte’s voice

WOW MEGATRON, YOU”RE ONLY PROTECTING HALF THE PLANET, JEEZ

OH SHOOT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh so that’s why they had a wall, Megatron you turd

WHIRL NO!!!!!!! oh he’s fine thank goodness

Did Megatron get taller??? He looks taller than Optimus now

Just use Optimus’ matrix you big baby

“It’s time I called in that debt you owe me. Now it’s time for you to save me” I LEGITIMATELY SHRIEKED OUT LOUD, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

THERE HE IS, THERE HE IS THERE HE IS!!!!!!!

SCREW PAST ME’S OPINION, TARN IS FRICKIN COOL AS HELL

OH SHOOT THERE’S A TON OF HIM WTF

WHERE’S THAT FRICKIN “THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS, THERE!!! IT!!! IS!!!” MEME BECAUSE THAT’S BEEN ME THIS ENTIRE EPISODE HOLY HECK

Episode 26

MORE PRIME NAMES!!! A) that’s very pretty B) LEGIT THOUGH IF WINDBLADE’S THE ONE WHO KICKS TARN’S BUTT I’LL GO APE

OH FRICK IF OPTIMUS IS THERE THEN TARN REALLY DID KILL HIM or it means he beefed it in that universe, as he usually does

“I wish I’d gotten to know you better” 8((((((

What happened to Alt!Universe Optimus!!!!!!! How did you die!!!

Windblade: Optimus, you’re speaking in riddles... Optimus: I always do, it comes with the job of Prime. Windblade: Oh right

“A perfect Decepticon race” HOO BOYZY.....

“All because I spared your life” MAN THAT HURTS

At least they aren’t attacking them right now?

HOW CAN THEY POSSIBLY RESOLVE THIS SERIES IN 10 MINUTES

ASTROTRAIN YOU COWARD not that I blame him, every bot for themself I guess

OH NO THE HURT PUPPY WHINE MAKES ME SO SAD

HELL YEAH SOUNDWAVE SAVE MY BABY BEE

I TAKE IT BACK TARN IS CANCELED, HE HIT SOUNDWAVE

*AND* HE GRABBED CHROMIA, YOU”RE CANCELED, ALL THESE CLONES ARE CANCELED

SOUNDWAVE IS THE ONLY VALID DECEPTICON

Optimus: Can’t keep-- Megatron: WE MUST! Me: *SOBS*

OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON BACK-TO-BACK FIGHTING AHHHHHHHHHH, IT”S THE LITTLE-THINGS

Definitely not the right time for this joke but: AU where instead of saying “Powers of Cybertron, unite!” they say “GAY RIGHTS” to activate their Matrix powers

Frick what if they kill MEGATRON in this series

HECK YEAH EVERYONE’S GETTING AN UPGRADE

Megatron: We must join our Matrixes together! Optimus: Now REALLY isn’t the best time for a marriage proposal Megatron: What Optimus: What

Thank you for telling Optimus to get down for once instead of just blasting him AND the Tarn-copies, Megatron

OH FRICK IT IS ALT-UNIVERSE MEGATRON NOT TARN WHO’S THE BIG BAD

I LEGIT STOPPED BREATHING DURING THIS ENTIRE SEQUENCE AHHHH

THIS IS INFINITELY BETTER (AND WORSE) THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THAT MEANS ALT!UNIVERSE MEGATRON DID KILL OPTIMUS...MEANWHILE OUR UNIVERSE’S MEGATRON SPARED OPTIMUS...MAN THAT HURTS ME SO BAD

MEGATRON NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OPTIMUS SAVE HIM SAVE HIM PLEASE SOMEHOW SAVE HIM!!!!!

OPTIMUS LITERALLY FRICKIN RAN ACROSS THE ROOM TO CATCH HIM, MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS DRAMA

NO!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN”T DO THIS TO ME CYBERVERSE

“Prime...one shall stand...one shall....” THIS IS THE SADDEST FRICKIN THING THAT”S HAPPENED IM LEGIT GONNA CRY, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Hold on...my friend...” IM GONNA BAWL MY EYES OUT OPTIMUS

I legit had to take a moment to get up and do a lap around my room while processing what happened LIKE OK I KNOW THEY PROBABLY (???) WON’T PERMA-KILL MEGATRON BUT FRICK DUDE THAT WAS SO EMOTIONAL

MEGAOP RIGHTS....BUT AT WHAT COST

What’s fricking me up rn (granted, several things are fricking me up right now) is that this universe’s Megatron knew he could’ve achieved his goals if he’d just killed Optimus. He said so himself; he could’ve had it all but he failed “all because I spared your [Optimus’] life”. Whatever he saw in that other universe convinced him that killing Optimus just wasn’t worth it (or perhaps, deep deep DEEP down, he really doesn’t want to kill his old friend).

I’m rewatching that last minute and this feels like a frickin fanfiction. I’m Living but also Dying

I KNOW THIS IS A VERY TENSE SCENE BUT MEGATRON’S “I won’t pay for anything!” MADE ME LAUGH

SOUNDWAVE STANDING BETWEEN SHADOW-STRIKER AND MEGATRON!!!!!!!!! STANDING UP TO MEGATRON!!!! SOBS I LOVE SOUNDWAVE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ALSO PLEASE BE CAREFUL MY SWEET BOY!!!!! IF YOU GET HURT ILL NEVER BE OVER IT

Two reasons he could’ve done that: to keep Shadow Striker from getting super pissed off and lashing out at this enemy who’s way above their level, or because the “jacked up Frankenstein experiment” thing is a sore subject for her and Soundwave recognizes that (and frankly I’m leaning toward option B because SOBS....I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP)

GOTH FRIENDS!!!

OH OK THANK GOODNESS, MEGATRON ISN’T DEAD DEAD YET

Dang so Megatron did kill Optimus

OH NO WE’RE GETTING A FLASHBACK

FRICK THAT”S SO GRUESOME, HE JUST RIPPED OPTIMUS’ CHEST OPEN

YOU ALREADY KNOW THE MOST PERFECT DECEPTICON, HIS NAME IS SOUNDWAVE!!! YOU JUST DON’T APPRECIATE HIM YOU BIG BULLY

Oh shoot so the Quints came to that world too

DANG HE JUST WRECKED THEIR SHIP HUH....

I’m loving this throwback to the IDW design

WOW Y’ALL JUST IMMEDIATELY WENT “SURE WE’RE ONBOARD” (I mean, good way to stay alive but C’MON GUYS....)

“I have no need for any of you” WHOOPS SO MUCH FOR THAT should’ve seen that coming

THIS SUCKS SO BAD

NONONONO!!!! MEGATRON!!!!

HECK NOW HE HAS THE MATRIX

wow you guys really just let Megatron fall to the floor COME ON OPTIMUS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SMOOTH MOVES

NICE ONE BEE!!!!!!

YEAH WERE ARE ARCEE AND HOT ROD

FRICK YEAH WHIRL, MESS HIM UP!!!!!!!!!

YEAH SHADOW STRIKER!!!!!!

RATCHET PUNCHING TARN HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

FRICK HE CAN JUST MATERIALIZE LIKE THAT TOO

WELL THAT DIDN’T LAST LONG

BEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“And now you will pay the price...for being a hero” DANG THAT”S A COOL LINE BUT DON’T HURT MY BOY

FRICK HIM UP OPTIMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WINDBLADE NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO SAVE EVERYONE

YEAHHHH WINDBLADE!!!!!!!

Yeah don’t turn your back on the body please

YO Astrotrain came back

ASTROTRAIN THAT SOUNDS SO CREEPY AND ALSO THAT’S SUCH A BAD IDEA, JUST KILL HIM

I know this is a kid’s show but PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO MAKE SURE HE WON’T POP BACK UP IN A FEW YEARS WITH ANOTHER ARMY

IM GLAD WINDBLADE IS BACK AND IM LOVING THE HUG BUT DID MEGATRON LEGIT FRICKIN DIE????

WHAT!!! WHAT THAT CAN’T BE IT!?!?!? HOW COULD YOU END IT LIKE THAT NO!!!!!!! THAT WAS SO ABRUPT nO!!!!!!!!!!

The last few episodes were such an adrenaline rush I CAN”T BELIEVE WE CAME DOWN FROM THAT HIGH SO QUICKLY....IS MEGATRON ALIVE??? KICKSTARTER TO FUND ONE MORE EPISODE???? SPARE ANOTHER EPISODE FOR A POOR FAN???

MAN I wish we could’ve stayed in the universe of this show for a little longer but dang!!! That was really really good!!! I’m so grateful we got to have such a wonderful series like Cyberverse! :’) Thank you to everyone who worked on this incredible show!!!

Man now I gotta wait for WfC for new Transformers content....at least I can look through the tag w/out getting spoiled now

A few more thoughts now that I’ve re-read my liveblog:

If Megatron could hop into the Matrix of Leadership he possessed, I wonder if he ever had a chance to talk to that universe’s Optimus Prime... :( based on what he said, probably not, but that makes me so sad!!!! Did they ever get the chance to work things out!!! IS MEGATRON ALIVE OR NOT.....

#i talk #I'm watching Cyberverse #Primordial Robot Hell #Cyberverse spoiler /#I feel like I got a shot of adrenaline right to my heart

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