#all the kingdoms: gawant tintagel essetir caerleon and nemeth

[lancelotdeservedbetter]

you ever think how camelot must look to people who dont live there?? camelot is the weird uncle that the rest of albion just doesnt talk about. this absolute fucking circus of a kingdom?? where everyone is just off their shit all the fuckin time?? the old king committed genocide in the name of the wife he cheated on and now his kids are trying to kill each other? and one of them has a dragon? and its not even confined to its citizens if you go there you get turned weird too like do all the other kingdoms have warning stories about camelot? "if you dont eat all your vegetables i'll send you to camelot and you'll end up like princess vivian or princess elena's grandma servant who mysteriously vanished after trying to bone the kingdom's most prolific bystander"???

and the more they hear about camelot the more they start to think somebody has to be lying to them

"did you hear about that attack on camelot? yeah turns out it was an immortal army. but dont worry it was stopped by the prince's salty manservant, you remember the one, seems to have total diplomatic immunity and called the duke a rat bitch to his face? yeah, anyway he and his friend, remember that guy who committed identity fraud then fucked off to the middle of nowhere and was immediately kidnapped? the two of them went and flipped a cup upside down and the blood went sploosh and the immortal dudes just fuckin. flopped down dead. also, that hot lady knight sorcerer that was leading them? her sister is the king's ward, who it turns out is actually his daughter. oh, and she has magic."

"susan you have got to be fucking with me"

"no, its true i heard about it from that bloke at the pub with the fancy hair. you know him, the guy who gets consistently blackout drunk every week and broke his ankle dancing on a table? oh, yeah he's a knight of camelot now too"

now whenever they see weird shit they're just like oh yeah that's probably something to do with camelot

"IM GOING TO HUNT DOWN THE LAST DRAGON AND I HAVE A SECRET MAGIC KEY TO FIND IT"

"camelot drama?" "yeah just ignore him"

camelot is just the bermuda triangle of albion