#all i keep thinking about after saturday is that I MUST go to another erika concert asap 😫😭❤

[omppupiiras]

gotta scream into the void a bit but my queen Erika has got some moves!! 💃

[gold-from-straw]

Zero Degrees 2

Read from the beginning on AO3 if you prefer! I’ll also tag anyone from the notes of this chapter in my next post, I hope that’s OK! Otherwise it’s so damn hard to find posts...

"Wow, your car is amazing," Njala said as Mum pressed the key fob.

"Thanks," she laughed. "Get in, then. Bhaya will have to go on her dad's lap, but you guys can all fit in the back. Shopping bags in the boot first."

Even Teli stared around the car when they climbed in and Mum started the engine. Njala was stroking the leather and pulling open every pocket and storage area he could find, chattering away at high speed and pointing them out to his big brother. Teli directed Mum down Parklands Road, just past the giant white model of a lotus flower outside the Raja Yoga centre.

"There it is," he said, pointing to a mustard yellow block of flats. Mum pulled off the road onto the dirt driveway and waited at the black gate for the askari to let them in, while Erika stared open-mouthed and tried very hard not to judge.

The thing was, they went to a private school. Erika's family didn't consider themselves particularly wealthy - comfortably middle class, maybe, but there were other kids in Erika's class who lived in mansions and got five thousand shillings pocket money every month. She wasn't stupid, she didn't think she was that naïve, and she was well aware of the vast inequalities in her country. All Kenyans knew how bad some people had it, and at least this place wasn't one of those shanties the city council would bulldoze and set on fire for kicks like they sometimes did in Kibera, but even so...

The building was seven storeys high, loomed over by skyscrapers, or building sites for skyscrapers. Grey water stains draped down the walls like grasping fingers, TV aerials stood crooked on the roof with wires sagging from them. Every window up to the top floor was barred, and no attempt had been made to twist the iron into something decorative. There was laundry hanging on wires in every balcony.

It was the kind of invisible place she saw every day from the bus window, stared at unseeing when stuck in Nairobi traffic jams. If she ever really thought about it, it was probably the kind of place their maid Florence lived in.

Njala waved to the askari while Teli climbed carefully out of the car with a sleeping Bhaya and beckoned them all upstairs. The stairwell smelled of fried fish and cabbage, and someone was washing the second floor landing with a broom, sluicing water across the concrete so that it dripped down to the steps below and made them precariously slippery.

Their flat was on the third floor, and as Teli juggled the keys into the heavy iron gate in front of the door, a young man opened it from inside and ran out, an apron still round his waist and arms soapy to the elbows. "Father, you're back early."

Of all the Hotokes, he looked the most… well, normal was probably an insulting word. But he was. He had a round, friendly face with the family's high cheekbones, curled black lashes and a warmth to his brown skin that none of the others shared. He really didn't look like Teli much at all. He looked like a younger version of Erika's dad, actually, and she couldn't help smiling back at him when he spied her and Mum behind his dad.

"Hello, new people."

"Hi, I'm Gloria, nice to meet you," Mum said, flashing her white teeth in her standard self-confident grin. "This is my daughter, Erika."

"I'm Ummah," he said, taking half of Mum's bags. "And is this the Erika?" He smirked at Frio, who rolled his eyes and ducked his head again. "Sorry, little brother. Come in, please."

"Is he really your dad?" Erika blurted, unable to stop her bad manners. “Sorry... but you don't really look alike - and Teli looks really young as well."

Teli smiled, a darkly amused thing. "I assure you, I am older than I look."

"What she really means is she thinks I'm old," Mum grumbled, smirking and nudging her.

They crowded into the tiny flat, Njala dumping his bags on the counter of the kitchenette and running off to one of the bedrooms. Erika caught sight of a double and a single mattress on the floor before the door shut. Ummah went back to the washing up. Mum beckoned Erika and Frio over to the kitchenette with her head and they started sorting out the items that had been damaged in the fall while Teli took Bhaya to another bedroom and lowered her onto the double mattress on the floor there. He stroked her curls with a sad little smile, then gathered the mosquito net around her and backed out, closing the door.

"What happened, Father?" asked Ummah.

"Loud noises. Shouting. The usual," he said wearily and joined the pair sorting the shopping out.

Ummah winced, his face scrunched up in pity as he looked over to his little sister. "Did she get far?"

Teli shook his head. "No. But she was distressed when I caught up to her. I… at first I do not think she recognised me."

Ummah turned in the small space and wrapped his wet arms around his father's waist. Teli pressed his nose to his son's hair and hugged him back, a slightly wobbly smile on his face. Erika pretended not to see him wipe his cheeks as they returned to their jobs.

"I do not think much of this flour is salvageable," he said, crinkling his nose up as he lifted a paper bag of Exe out, torn and slimy with egg.

"Have any of the eggs survived?" Mum asked.

"Five are unbroken, another three are cracked. They should be fine if we use them soon."

Ummah checked the clock. "I can buy more on my way back from my shift."

"You should not have to waste your wages on--"

"Shhh!" he said imperiously. "I will help you whenever I please, Father, you are a fool if you think any of us would not." He dried his hands off and leaned close to Mum, lowering his voice to a mock-whisper. "He thinks he does not need any help."

"Ummah!" snapped Teli, and the boy winked at Mum.

"I like this one," she laughed.

"That makes one of us," Teli grumbled.

"Well, I like me too, so I believe you are outvoted, Father. Now, I must go, or I shall be late." He picked up a battered backpack from the corner and threw his apron over the back of a chair.

"Ummah," called Teli as he got to the front door. He turned, eyebrows raised in question. Teli came round the counter and hugged him very tight. "I love you very much. And I like you quite a lot too."

"I love you too, Father," he said, a smile in his voice.

"Be safe."

"Always."

He locked the door as Ummah left, and stood by the window to wave at him. Erika heard the clunk of the main gate, and Teli turned back, pausing for a moment to brush his fingers along a small side table with a collection of odd items. A teddy bear, a long speckled feather and a collection of candles on a white cloth, which formed a U shape around a beautiful glowing crystal ball. It looked a little like one of those plasma balls she'd seen in physics lessons, just smaller, with a soft, almost sleepy light inside. She wished she knew where they'd got it from, it was beautiful.

Teli cleared his throat as he looked up at them, clenching his hand away from the objects. "You do not need to sort the shopping, really, you have been very kind."

"It's no trouble," Mum said cheerfully. "So how long have you guys lived here then?"

"Ah, well, nearly a year."

"Where were you before then, where are you all from?"

"North," he said with a vague smile, and turned around to throw some of the dirty packaging in the bin. Mum raised an eyebrow at him, but left it alone.

"What are we going to do with these eggs, Father?” Frio asked.

"You could make cupcakes," Erika said.

"Ah," Teli frowned. "I'm not sure I have a recipe for those."

"I could write one down for you," Mum offered. "Erika and I make cupcakes every week, practically, don't we?"

"Cupcakes?" Njala squeaked. Erika hadn't even noticed him sneak back in. "Are we having cupcakes?"

Teli sighed. "I suppose just this once..."

"Sorry," Mum grimaced.

"No, that's fine," he said. "They deserve a treat. After all, it has been a while."

"Can we stay and help you guys make them?" Erika asked, looking between the two parents. Frio immediately looked up at his dad as well, and Teli rolled his eyes.

"Very well. It is not as if I know how to make them myself."

Mum grinned at him. "I promise I won't let them make a mess. Where do you keep the sugar?"

"Sugar..." he grimaced. "Ah. Is that a necessity?"

Mum frowned at Erika, then back at him. "Uh, yeah, it's a pretty integral part of it."

"Ah."

"Oh, no," Njala moaned, and leaned his head on the counter. "I'm starving!"

"Well, I was planning to make pancakes."

"That's not the same." The little boy's words were muffled as he pressed his face against the wood.

"Hey, how about this," Mum suggested. "You guys can come over to ours one day and we'll make cupcakes and decorate them, does that sound good?"

Njala leaped up. "Really?"

"Could they come this weekend? On Saturday?" Erika asked, her hands pressed together under her chin. "Please?"

"If you're not busy, we haven't got anything on."

"Really, that is not necessary." Teli looked slightly lost. "Please do not feel obliged--"

"I don't," Mum frowned. "I don't do everything out of some obligation, Teli. I like having other people over. You don't have to come if you don't want to, but I'm genuinely offering." She shook her head. "Come on, Erika, we need to let these guys get on."

"Father," Frio grabbed his dad's wrist, and Teli rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I meant no offence," he said. "If you really don't mind..."

"No," she smiled, her voice still a bit exasperated. "I really don't, I wouldn't offer if I didn't think the kids would have a good time. Here, let me give you my address, we're only on Brookside Drive. Is Saturday OK?"

"I have work," Frio said softly.

"Sunday, then?"

He nodded and smiled through his braids at her. She scribbled their address and her phone number on a notes page in her schedule, then tore it out and handed it to Teli.

"Bye, Frio," Erika said as Teli let them out.

Frio waved at her and pushed the braids out of his face, tucking them behind his ear. "I'll see you tomorrow, Erika."

She followed her mum down the stairs, her shoes clattering on the concrete steps. The banisters were rough and cracked under her hands, shouts and music and a crying baby echoing about the stairwells from the other flats.

She and kept quiet until they were in the Range Rover. "Why do you think Teli's so weird, Mum?"

"I don't think he's weird,” Mum said, frowning a little. "Just awkward. Anyway, we'll see what happens on Sunday."

"How come they're so poor?"

"Erika!"

"No, really, Mum. I think all the boys share a bedroom, how can they even afford the school fees?"

She sighed and tapped her long nails on the steering wheel, but didn't answer. Erika looked out of the window as they pulled onto the Westlands roundabout yet again. "I felt kinda guilty that we've got all that stuff and they don't even have sugar."

"They might not have sugar because Teli's trying to keep them healthy."

"You know what I mean, though."

"Yeah," she said. "I know what you mean."

Thank you to @fullmetalcarer who liked and reblogged last week ^_^

[randomgirltalking]

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills S09E01 Review

I have a confession - I love trashy TV. As much as I love watching docos and education programs and movies - I just love a trashy Telly series. And there’s nothing more ghastly than reality TV. And The Real Housewives of “insert city here” are the creme de la creme of trashy TV.

So here we are, for those who are into The Real Housewives, let me know if you agree/disagree with my opinions. If you detest the shows like my fiancé (who bitches and moans about it but yet still knows who’s “the bitch” and who’s “down to earth”) then scroll on!

So we open the series with Lisa V and Kyle (who I would describe as frenemies) in the middle of an almighty row. We do not get to see the beginning or even the middle of this fight but the tail end where Lisa V is accusing Kyle of calling her a liar and Kyle accusing Lisa V of caring more about her image than her friendships. Let’s not forget Ken’s finger jab in Kyle’s face about not being a good friend to Lisa V. I always get annoyed when husbands of Housewives get involved in their wives affairs but I adore Ken so I will turn a blind eye and say he is doing it for the love of his wife. Anyway, at the end of this scene Kyle is storming off over a big welcome rug which reads “Vila Rosa” and huffing up and over the mini bridge which houses Lisa V’s scary geese. This is after Lisa V furiously demands Kyle to “Get the fuck out of my house. I’m done with it!”

As much as these two gripe and make up, bitch and kiss, fall out and get up, I’m worried (yes worried, despite my partner’s disdain that I care about these rich assholes) that this episode (which we as viewers have no idea what the catalyst for it was) will be the straw that breaks this friendship’s back! Anyway, the scene fades to black where the viewers are told that the following events procede this epic fight by two months.

We open to beautiful scenes around LA which showcase the incredible and different (or staged) houses of each housewife. Kyle is having a pool party that Saturday and excitedly texts each lady an invite which includes their families. Okay so can we talk about Teddy’s house? It’s amazing, of course. I love how a new housewife seems to upgrade her house (or husband) when the next season rolls around. Hello pay rise! Her kids are so cute and I’m happy that Teddy’s business has taken off so well (big props to Kyle not so subtly plugging Teddy’s husband’s business). Lisa R is trying out goat yoga with her two daughters (I’m not even going to go there cos after seeing Heather from RHOC’s bleeding stomach from leeches nothing surprises me anymore) and gleefully anticipating her daughter’s move from NYC back to California. I blinked and missed Dorit and Erika’s journey into friendship. I mean, I know last season they tried to make a real go of it but now Dorit was going out of her way to drive to Pasadena for champagne and “decadent” food. But, as much as I dislike Dorit, I am happy that these ladies have moved on from the drama and (seemingly) have a cordial friendship. Also, for those playing at home, take your first shot of the series as we hear Dorit mention George’s name.

Lisa V is sadly coming to terms with her brother’s suicide. We can see how genuinely upset Lisa V still is and how much she is grieving. My heart goes out to her.

Okay, now the drama. So we (the fans) had all read snippets in the press leading up to Season 9 about Dorit and the dog she had adopted from Vanderpump Dogs. We learn from tea sipping John, who works at Vanderpump Dogs, that Dorit had adopted Lucy Juicy Goosy Something (only a rich person would name their pets ridiculous names like this) and for some reason had changed her mind and returned it to a shelter - yes, not back to Vanderpump Dogs but another shelter. This tidbit is gleefully shared by a wound up John to Teddy (who was already in the know) and Kyle. All the while Lisa V is sternly attempting to shut the story down - “Stop.” “I’m not doing this”. “I don’t want to talk about it.” “She genuinely did not mean it” are all phrases she cuttingly states in between John frantically shoving Lucy Juicy in Kyle and Teddy’s faces and claiming that he’s “super pissed because he’s had to deal with this for weeks.” Okay, while I do believe that Lisa V really did not want to bring this story up, I think she could have tried harder to shut it down if she wanted. She’s the boss and could have told John to piss off or warned him in advance not to go there. But of course, I am under no illusion that the producers do not get a say in what is shared. I think this is why Lisa V is rumored to be leaving the series and why she seems to not give a fuck anymore. I mean she was always a bad ass boss bitch but her tolerance for pettiness seems to have reached a limit the past season.

Meanwhile, Dorit is relaying her side of the story to Erika. Lucy Juicy Goosy Boosy had bitten her kids a few times and taken a “big chunk” out of PK. In this instance, I can understand that this dog is not a fit for their family but I could not understand why she dropped it off at a shelter. Dorit later explains to Lisa V and Ken that she had found a lady to take the dog in and had thought the dog was going to an incredible home. Not sure how she ended up in the shelter but I guess we’ll get to that later in the series. If this is true, as much as I dislike Dorit, shes not so much a villain in this story as I thought. But I still think she should have come to Lisa V first and given Lucy back to Vanderpump Dogs. Why she didn’t do this, hopefully we will find out later on.

Anyway moving on from Lucy Goosy, things at the shelter get heated between sometimes good friends Lisa V and Kyle when Lisa V jokingly (or not) chastises Kyle for not showing up to her new restaurant opening. Kyle immediately takes offense explaining that she had just landed from a long haul flight which Lisa V knew about and heatedly questioned why she keeps trying to make her look like a bad friend. We are reminded of the drama that was last season where Kyle jealously wondered why Lisa V constantly stuck up for Dorit at the expense of Lisa V and Kyle’s friendship. I agreed with Kyle’s statement about Lisa V giving leeway to Dorit’s doggy drama yet gives out to Kyle for missing her party. Things escalate to the point where stiff upper lip Lisa V crumbles in tears and confesses that she’s depressed over her brother’s death. Meanwhile I am hoping that Slate and Portia (Teddy and Kyle’s daughters, respectively) are out of earshot from all this. You can tell I’m a Mum now that my biggest concern are little ears hearing things that they shouldn’t haha.

We are introduced to the latest housewife, Denise Richards. Those of us that grew up in the 90s know who she is and I’m sure most men dedicated one to her during that infamous scene in Wild Things. She’s most known now as Charlie Sheen’s classy ex wife. We meet Denise at a casual gathering at Lisa R’s house. Also present are Dorit and Erika. After announcing that she is a hugger and greeting each Housewives as such, Denise sits down and happily fields questions and jibes about Charlie Sheen. I’m sure it’s written into her contract that she could only join the cast if she can grit her teeth and bear the curiosity surrounding her marriage to the infamous actor. I also learned that you are always six degrees separated from everyone if you live in Hollywood.

Finally we are at Kyle’s BBQ pool party where Lisa R tries to convince us that she loves eating by ordering a burger and a hotdog. I forgot to mention that Lisa V had warned Dorit that Teddy knows about their dog drama. Dorit and Teddy do not like each other, of course. A pity, since Dorit was the link that brought Teddy into the inner circle. I mean, one minute they were bonding with their kids at a playgroup and the next they were arguing about how many minutes late Dorit was to a lunch date. Much to Dorit’s surprise, Teddy is as pleasant as ever to Dorit, not once mentioning that she has one up on her. Now, we all know that if the tables were turned Dorit would probably find a dog to pick up near Teddy and casually drop in with her Anglo American accent “Oh, Teddy, speaking of dogs, I just heard the most ghastly thing about you..!” Of course, Teddy has more class than this and informs the viewers that she did not wish to bring up negativity in front of their kids. Not that that’s stopped other housewives in the past. Nothing else particularly interesting happens at this party apart from Denise Richards dodging more Charlie jokes. The most laughable moment, though, is when Kyle jokingly reminds Teddy that Lisa V does not follow Teddy on Insta. And neither does Dorit. Snigger. We are given a snapshot of the upcoming season with a juicy trailer. And I must say, I am looking forward to this season very much!

[letters-fromme-blog]

January 24th, 2017 12:16pm

I’m going to take a little time here to pity myself. 

I miss so many things about the past and I think that I want the present to speed up to a future where maybe things are better. I first and foremost miss the body that I used to have. I’m so embarrassed by my intense weight gain in just a year’s time. I know that it wasn’t my fault and that until I was diagnosed there was nothing that I could do about it, and now that I have been diagnosed and on medicine I’ve lost 15ish pounds, and I should be happy about that and for a long time I was. But then I look at the big picture and I gained 60 pounds so losing 15 pounds is good but really not good enough and I just really miss feeling confident in myself. Right after my 15ish pound drop, I felt so good about myself and I was confident and working through things and in a pretty good place where I could maybe feel like I could date again, so I hooked up with Branden and it was good and fun. But then the thing happened with Jerom and even then I accepted it for a while and moved on and was on Tinder looking for someone, but some switch must have flipped this semester because I legitimately find myself thinking “Why even bother trying to date, it’s not like anyone can/love me”. And that’s really something. Thinking so lowly of myself that I can’t even imagine someone having a romantic interest in me. I mean i have a lot of good friends and I know they love me, but it’s not the same, you know? And I think that maybe right now I can’t imagine someone wanting me romantically because I don’t really live myself right now and I’m not sure what I can do about that. I guess for the last 8 or 9 days I’ve been trying to compensate by working out every day. Which is maybe working? I think I’m for sure building more muscle, but then I look in the mirror and see my soft jaw line and my pregnant looking belly and I just want to scream. But I can’t starve myself because that hurts more than it helps in the long run and I don’t want to worry my friends and family because in a place like a co op people will notice if you’re not eating at least semi-regularly. So alas I will stick with daily work outs and see where that gets me in after a month of doing it. 

Also I’ve been having I guess nightmares lately? I only really had two of them but it seems that they’re escalating. The first was saturday night, I slept in mallory’s bed and I had a dream that you were I guess more or les stalking me? Because you wanted to talk to me and I wouldn’t talk to you so you put a tracker on my car so that you could track me when I drove away from you then eventually I gave up and gave you a chance to talk to me. The second nightmare happened last night. My house in Houston was robbed and I locked myself in my room with one of my sisters, but she opened the door for my other sister but instead of my sister the barrel of a gun pointed into the room so basically because we were afraid of getting shot the three of us all went with him in his car and just a series of really weird things happened and there were multiple times that I could’ve told someone we were being kidnapped or that I could have escaped probably, but that would have left my sisters in danger or he could have gone back for our mom which I would never do something that could trigger that. Also a weird thing in that dream was that in the dream my old boss from bookholders, Jon, had previously kidnapped me, and I remembered thinking something like “oh well this has happened before so it’s okay if it happens again” or something like that. Also I just remembered a third nightmare. This was the night before last. It was about my mom’s business, United Embroidery, shutting down. it was shut down and abandoned and I was trying to “steal stuff” because it wasn’t really stealing bc it was my family’s company idk. Anyway I haven’t had the best of luck as far as dreams go lately so that really sucks. I’ve never had this many bad dreams in a row so I’m kind of concerned, but I’ll only do something about it or make it a point to tell someone if it keeps up.

I really think that my frame of mind is a part of what’s causing my dreams. I don’t love myself right now and I’m not very into the co op this semester. I mean it’s a really cheap and good place to live, but I feel like I might switch to nueces next year if I can. I don’t really like the forced social aspect of it right now because I feel like I just have so much to do for school and for clubs and stuff and trying to get an internship and also exercising and taking care of my health, both mental and physical which I think go hand in hand. I’m going to try to get some more sun because that could be part of why I’m feeling down, I’m not getting enough sun. But I’m not really sure what else to do.

Also why the hell am I still dreaming about you. I mean I think the original resurface had to do with the email you sent me in December about maybe meeting and catching up, but if I’m being honest I couldn’t possibly do that, not right now at least. I feel terrified of letting you see me. My body isn’t good enough for you. I’m not sure it ever will be again but maybe if I lose weight I can pretend like it is. But basically I can’t bring myself to show myself to you unless I’m at least another 15 pounds under what I am now. I want to be down to 190, because that leaves a big enough gap below 200 that it’s unlikely I will ever go back to that (I hope). Either way we shall see if exercising every day will help me achieve that. But yeah, I just hate how you still affect my life over two years after we broke up. Two. Years. Why can’t I get over myself? Or you? I mean like I’m very much over you as far as I’m not in love with you any more. But I think I still for some god damn reason want your approval. And I hate that. I hate a lot of things right now. I miss my mom though. I miss the simplicity of the life we had when I lived with her. I miss my dogs too. I really miss Molly. I want her to have the best life she can possibly have and I want to cuddle her and give her belly rubs so that she knows that she is loved. Also Snowball, the little cutie. I want to play fetch with him. Idk I think I’m finally having that wave of homesickness that most kids have their first semester or year at college. Why did mine have to wait until the second semester of my second year? God damn it. 

Anyway I’m going to go try and stop feeling sorry for myself for now. Try to be productive. We’ll see how long this mood lasts. 

Hope to never write to you again,

Erika