#alex hand miller

[smoshidiot]

s m o s h !

[actual-changeling]

having an existential crisis is hereditary (unofficial adoption and partnership included)

[joelsmochi]

honey ♡ joel miller

rating: E 18+ only pairing: beekeeper!joel x f!reader summary: joel is obviously beekeeping age warnings: not proofread, no outbreak, best friends dad!joel, soft!joel, unspecified 30+ year age gap, a hint unrealistic in the sense that sarah doesn’t care, lots of bee science, mentions of bees/bee stings (ouch), honey play (i had to), fingering, f receiving oral, kitchen sex, pet names, plenty of dirty talk (mhm yes yum) a/n: i totally didn’t google bee sex for like an hour just to be accurate… nope… no i didn’t. lol enjoy & happy valentines day ;)

series masterlist | main masterlist

“Which eyeshadow should I use?”

You looked at the small, black palette and its array of choices before telling Sarah, “Purple, it goes great with green dresses.”

Sarah began to brush the product onto her eyelids while she talked about her plans for tonight with her boyfriend, Alex; her voice became white noise as you caught a glimpse of her father in the backyard working on something.

“Your dad’s a beekeeper, right?” You asked without realizing you interrupted her.

“Uh… Yeah?”

“Cool… How’d he get into that? Doesn’t seem like the type to… Save bees?”

“What do you mean?” She mumbled beneath her working hand.

Shrugging, you tried to keep your expression and tone neutral. “Aren’t beekeepers usually a bit dorky?”

“My dad is a dork.”

“I mean, not really,�� you chuckled, watching the man pull out the different trays and examine them. “It’s cute, your dad keeping bees… How old is he again?”

Sarah only rolled her eyes.

“He’s definitely beekeeping age,” you continued. “Kinda sweet. Him caring for a colony of bees in your backyard.”

Your best friend was now looking at you look at her father—correction: you were ogling him. Your attempts at seeming unbothered by his looks failed. Sarah always said you wore your heart on your forehead sometimes.

You just couldn’t help it; Joel was tall and big and broad and… Older. He wore a tough exterior, one that always intimidated you, but now you see him tending to bees. The man was a softie at heart, not to mention insanely hot.

His skin tanned even deeper from the long hours of being in the sun, and his forehead littered with droplets of sweat. Was it so wrong to think about Joel f—

“Sarah, I wanna fuck your d—“

“Oh, really?”

You shrugged and sat down on her bed. “Can you blame me?! He’s like… Twenty times hotter than the guys our age.”

“He’s also twenty times your age,” she spat.

“Doesn’t he have a brother?” You shamelessly asked.

She scoffed and looked at you in disbelief. “Yeah, who’s married and has three kids.”

You groaned softly. “Bummer.”

“You have a fucking insane sex drive, you know?”

“Ugh, tell me about it,” you whined, “It’s making me masturbate more than I’d like.”

“You know what, if you wanna make the bold attempt to fuck my fifty year old dad then you have my blessing,” she sarcastically told you.

You simply raised an eyebrow and stared at her shit-eating grin, waiting for her to tell you she was joking. “Don’t bullshit me, Sarah, ‘cause you know I will.”

“Ah—la la la la la! I am not—I am not listening to it anymore. Get it out of your system before I take it back.”

You pretended to lock your lips and throw the key away as she got back on her boyfriend, but all you could think about was her dad.

♡

You waited for Sarah’s boyfriend’s car to leave the driveway before shakily fixing your hair and lip gloss, then you walked into the backyard with eyes set on the man and his work.

“Mr. Miller,” you called once you were a few feet away from him.

He looked up for a split second and motioned his head as a greeting, saying your name in response.

“Bees?”

“Yes, ma’am. Somethin’ I can help you with?”

Shrugging, you walked a little closer but kept your distance fearing a bee sting. “Maybe.”

He lifted a panel up and briefly examined it until he noticed the lingering silence. His dark eyes locked with yours and he sensed your hesitation. “You allergic?”

You only shook your head.

“They’re calm if you are.”

I am so not fucking calm right now, you thought.

“C’mere darlin’. I’ll show ya.”

He used his index and middle finger to beckon you, and you instantly fixated on why you were there in the first place.

You made the daring move to take a few more steps, ears coaxed by the hum of the colony.

“They usually only sting if you annoy them, or smell like a flower.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t spray floral perfume on my shirt this morning,” you joked.

He almost laughed as the bees didn’t seem to care for you so far. “Honeybees really don’t want to sting you.”

“‘Cause it kills ‘em, right?”

Nodding, Joel says, “Exactly. Their number one goal is to protect the queen. Second is to survive whatever threats they face.”

“How’d you get into this kinda stuff?” You asked.

You were trying to find some way to bring up your question without being sudden or rude, though beekeeping didn’t seem like a helpful topic.

“When Sarah was little she used to get a lot of rashes and she had some bad allergies. That over the counter medicine didn’t help, but honey helped. The natural shit— stuff they sell at the store… Well, it gets expensive. And I didn’t have as good a job as I do now... So I figured I’d give it a go and make my own honey.“

“That’s sweet of you. My dad always had me tough it out,” you chuckled.

“I have plenty stashed away in the kitchen. You’re welcome to take some,” he offered. “Hey, what was it you needed?”

“Oh, uh.” You pursed your lips unsure of whether or not you should lie. “Well, I have this sort of… Itch.”

“Itch? It’s not an STD is it, ‘cause I don’t think honey can help with that.”

You knew it was a deadpan joke but the tension had your face stuck in a scrunch.

“No. Not an STD,” you answered. “I just, uh… I really like you, I guess.”

“I hope so, you’ve been eating up half my groceries for the past twenty somethin’ years.”

Idiot.

“No, I mean…” You realized you wouldn’t be able to ask him. “Never mind, uh. Just forget it.”

He watched you turn and begin walking away before it dawned on him. “Oh!”

You faced him again, scratching your head and giving him a nervous look. “Yeah, like I said: forget it. We can just pretend I never asked—“

“Come here,” he said, adjusting his jeans and walking to the other side of the apiary. “Wanna show ya somethin’.”

You rolled your eyes, fighting your stress response of fleeing the scene and standing beside him again.

“Do you know why bees are so loyal to their queen?” He asked after pulling a panel out to show you.

“Mnh-mnh.”

“The queen is the only bee in the entire hive that can produce more bees. Again, a bee’s second main goal is to preserve the life of their species. The queen produces pheromones that calm the bees down and keep the structure within the colony. Drone bees are male bees that really only exist to mate with the queen when she’s a virgin and out of the hive. Worker bees are females that aren’t the queen, but they’re very nurturing. Especially to the queen because she’s the one in charge.”

“Ahh, a matriarchy. Count me in,” you giggled.

Joel chuckled and pulled a switchblade out of his pocket before forcing the blade to whip out. “Do you know how bees mate?”

His voice sounded a little more quiet, and his eyes met yours with curiosity. You shook your head and waited for him to explain.

“When a new queen is selected, she goes out just one time to find a group of drones who will essentially take her virginity. And drones have an endophallus so after they ejaculate into her, their insides are ripped out and the drone dies. When a new drone comes up to mate with the queen, he removes the last guy’s endophallus and does the same thing. Mate with her… And die. She can mate with about ten or twenty different drones before flying back to the hive and laying eggs.”

“So the drones’ only purpose is to mate with a queen?” You asked.

He began cutting away a small piece of the wax, and the honey trickled down slowly.

“It’s the only reason he lives,” Joel muttered. You watched his thick fingers scoop up the liquid gold and he raised them to your lips. “He waits… And waits… And waits… For the right queen to come along.”

He smirked at your amused expression.

“Are you trying to seduce me by telling me the sexual nature of bees?”

He softly shook his head and glanced at your shiny lips. “Not trying to seduce you. Just tellin’ you what most men really want.”

Exhaling, you tried to ignore his fingers lingering in front of your face. The sickly sweet smell of honey filled your nostrils as his words echoed inside of your head.

“Go on,” he whispered, “have a taste.”

It took you a few extra seconds to build up the confidence in order to take him on his dare, but you made sure you did it as slowly as possible.

Your lips parted and he immediately felt your warm breath flow over his fingers; instinctively, your tongue darted out to catch a drop of the honey before it fell to the ground. Then you wrapped your lips around his digits, softly moaning at the sweet tasting nectar that coated his wood scented fingers.

WIth steady eyes you watch his brown orbs darken with lust, hearing him let out a huff and seeing the muscles in his face relax as if your slick tongue gave him the satisfaction he’d been seeking for a long time.

You swirled your tongue around, persisted to taste every last drop. The thickness coated your throat while you desperately wanted it to be something other than honey.

Your lips left his hand with a wet pop that prompted him to lick whatever saliva and honey remained on his fingers.

“Tastes good.”

“Just good?”

“Tastes delicious,” you corrected.

He let out a soft chuckle and put the wood panel back in its place.

“Sarah know you’re out here?”

After rolling your eyes and smirking you said, “She doesn’t need to know. Actually quite sure she wouldn’t want to know. Besides, Alex just picked her up, so.”

“So we’re all alone,” he finished.

“I’m gonna go get some of that honey you were talking about. Though I might need your help finding the right cabinet.”

He watched you walk back into the house before following you; once inside he saw you reaching into a cabinet in the corner, but a big red bruise on your arm caught his attention.

Joel walked over to you and grabbed your arm. Confused, you tried to see what he was looking at to no avail.

“You got stung right here,” he said as if he read your mind. He started walking over to the correct cabinet.

Frowning, you lifted your arm before spotting the bump. “Weird. Didn’t even feel it.”

“S’normal,” he muttered.

He stepped in front you to lift you up underneath your arms and sit you on top of the kitchen island.

You carefully watched as he opened up a sealed mason jar and stood between your legs.

“Mmkay. Lift your arm up.”

You did as he told and tried not to grimace while he scraped the stinger out. Honestly you didn’t have to try too hard; he looked so good like this, taking good care of you. Focused and confident like he’d done this a million times. You were certain he had.

He dipped a finger into the jar and swiped a little honey over the bump, carefully rubbing it in and drifting his gaze to your eyes.

“Helps the itch,” he spoke. “You said you had one, right?”

“Think I’ve got a bigger itch,” you replied.

“Hmm. Where at?”

Biting your bottom lip you trailed a finger over your neck, finding your sweet spot and rubbing a small circle over it. “Here.”

Joel rubbed a some honey on your neck and lapped it up like a thirsty dog. He held back on sucking the skin, mindful that you might not be fond of hickeys.

“I get it?” His voice strained.

You hummed. “No… No it’s went down a little bit. Tryyy… Here.”

Your clavicle.

More honey. More licking.

“How ‘bout now?”

You took your shirt off revealing your breasts. “Try here, and here.”

Your breath shook when the cold liquid was smeared over your hardened nipples. Once he took the first one into his mouth you let a desperate breath and held the curve of his head in your palm, letting him have his way with your tits.

“Nope, still there,” you spoke once he pulled away.

His fingers found the button on your shorts, then the zipper.

“Damn itches,” he said, “they’re always so damn stubborn. Ain’t that right? S’okay. Think I have a remedy for that.”

Just like that your shorts and panties were off and his fingers scooped up some more honey—more than what was necessary for anything.

He bent down to your glistening pussy and lazily rubbed the honey all over. You’d be lying if you said that alone didn’t make that knot inside of you twist harder.

Joel’s tongue eagerly met your clit, and he didn’t bother wasting anymore time with teasing you. A gurgling moan left his mouth once he tasted your juices mixing with the honey, creating the perfect elixir for his tastebuds.

Your legs clamped around his head reactively but he was strong enough to force them apart and keep them open.

Whilst he sucked and pulled and lapped around your clit, your hands were reaching, searching for anything to grasp. As a result you ended up knocking over the jar and spilling its contents, but you were too dazed to give a fuck.

Somewhat annoyed with you flailing around like you’d never been eaten out before, Joel smacked the back of your thigh. You shuddered and calmed your body down, settling with pulling on his hair relentlessly since the force of his smack stung a little.

He preferred it that way; take your tension out on him. Make him hurt if it meant you felt good. It only stroked his ego.

His tongue slipped between your pussy lips and slurped up whatever it could, the vibrations making you cry out his name. He did it again and again and again and again and a-fucking-gain until he was certain you were screaming from an orgasm.

Joel moaned at your thick cum pouring out of your cunt and down his sticky chin, drinking up anything he wasn’t missing.

He only stopped when he figured you’d had enough and stood eye level with you while fumbling with his belt buckle.

“I think that itch got a little deeper now,” he cockily said, “wouldn’t you say?”

Your eyes were wide, pupils nearly blown, mouth agape, and chest heaving. “I think you can reach it just fine, Joel.”

Holding back a boastful laugh, he lined his erection up with your soft entrance and slid inside carefully.

“So pretty,” he whispered, “you look so fucking pretty like this, baby.”

You pulled his face in for a sloppy kiss, happily tasting the mixture of you and his honey. He noticed your hand was tacky from the spill and stuck a few fingers into his mouth, spreading the stickiness anywhere he could get it.

“Your cock,” you moaned into his chin. “So big.”

“It’s all yours, princess,” he moaned.

His hips pulled back and then snapped back into yours; his tip pressing into the deepest part of your pussy.

“Fuck. You get so fucking deep,” he praised. “S’it feel good, baby?”

“Yes,” you said against your will. “Oh my God, just like tha—fuck!”

Joel fucked you just the way you liked: fast, but not sloppily or too hard. He watched his cock disappear into you a dozen times, and he grew harder than he ever had before.

“You look so pretty with my cock inside. Such a dirty fucking girl,” he shouted over your moans. “You take it so well, baby.”

Joel felt the his orgasm begin to arrive so he pulled out and took a step back; you whined a bit and reached for him but you were already so sore.

Meanwhile he just undressed himself and laid you down on the marble countertop, climbing on top of you not long after.

“I hear you, baby,” he cooed. “You don’t need to beg… I’m gon’ take real good care a’you.”

You lazily smiled and wrapped your legs around his broad waist.

“There you go,” he whispered against your lips as he slid back into you, hearing your whines turn into moans. “There you go, sweetheart. I got you.”

He returned back to his original pace, only his hips thrusted harder into you. You felt every curve and vein along his cock, every inch he gave to you.

Your nails clawed at his back and feet dug into his hips. You reached for him in any way you could. His lips danced with yours as you drank each other’s honey-coated moans.

“Joel, fuck. Oh, Joel I’m gonna cum,” you admitted.

He felt your back arch off of the counter as if your tone was indicating enough.

“I know, baby, I know. You’re doing so well. I got you, I got you. Need you to look at me, darlin’, can you do that? Can ya look at me with those pretty eyes when you cum?”

You struggled to open your eyes, wanting to wilt up at the intensity building inside of you. But once you saw his eyes again you were hooked.

“Good girl,” he chuckled, wearing the proudest grin imaginable. “Doing such a good job, let it out sweetie. You can cum.”

“I’m cu—oh!”

“I know, babygirl. I can feel it. Let it out for me. Let it out for daddy.”

He watched and held you as you writhed from your orgasm; your skin was on fire, stomach fluttering with elation.

Joel loved the sound of your voice calling his name, so precious and shameless. He couldn’t hold back anymore. He didn’t want to. He wanted to make you his own, even if it had to be temporarily.

“Cum inside me,” you breathed out, feeling overstimulated and overstretched. “Need you to—ah.“

He leaned down for another kiss just when he began to cum inside, a feeling so raw and deep he hadn’t felt in years. He forgot how fucking good it felt, and savored it by pushing through every painful bit of the overstimulation.

Joel gave you a few more soft kisses and slowly got off of the island. He ran a hand over your thighs and watched you come down from your high.

“My hair is covered in honey,” you giggled.

“Let’s go wash you up. Maybe we can find a few more itches to scratch.”

[fairytsuk1]

a sense of belonging | (s)

pairing: alex quackity x reader

words: 2.7k

warnings: sexual content, loss of virginity, dry humping, p-in-v, vanilla sex, missionary, protected sex, pre-established relationship

request: like, imagine reader and Alex having their first time together, like, both of them losing their virginity together

You weren’t expecting anything. That’s what you tried to remind yourself; it was a date like any other. No expectations. Alex was your long-term boyfriend, and you trusted him! You could remember flashing adoring eyes at him across the lunch hall when the two of you were young, his cheese quesadilla stretching to the table as he laughed with his friends.

He was smaller back then, a bit nerdy-looking to some, but perfect to you. You loved looking at him. You always had. 

Alex grins, teeth shining as music permeates the still quiet. He looks perfect today as you sit comfortably on his bed. Your lip gets caught between your teeth as your eyes rake over his black, wispy strands of hair, contrasting with his rosy lips in a way that makes your thighs squeeze together. You must look away, cheeks hot as your man settles next to you. 

“Is Mac Miller okay?”

Alex breaks your reverie, nudging your side with his elbow. You nod eagerly as you try not to get ahead of yourself. 

“You know I love him too.”

“Right! You get it,” Alex hesitates. “You look really beautiful right now.”

Your boyfriend sits next to you, and you can feel his body heat radiating towards you. His tone is aching with sincerity as he speaks; it makes your eyes well with tears. A hot rush of warmth courses through your veins, “thanks, ‘lex. You look really good, too.”

Your fingers graze his bicep as you compliment him, and you can feel the goosebumps that prickle his caramel skin. When your eyes meet his once more, they look a little more hooded and have a little more intent. It makes your clit pulse with need, and you know you’re soaking your panties.

“Thanks… hey, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you murmur, “so much!”

Neither of you realizes how close your faces are, but your expressions reflect the same desire. Fuck me. 

Alex swallows, brown eyes staring into yours for so long that it feels like forever. 

“… Can I kiss you?”

The confirmation you utter is both whiny and breathless. Alex’s lips capture yours in a passionate kiss, and there’s a sense of urgency behind his movements when he settles a warm hand on your knee. 

A saliva string connects the two of you when you break apart, “Alex…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m ready to… You know,” you start to laugh, your head falling into his chest, and he smiles at you. “You know what I mean.”

“I know, baby,” Alex pecks your forehead with a gentle kiss.

He’s not the boy he used to be. He’s a man now, the way he settles a gentle hand on your waist. Not only that, but he’s more confident now too, and it is so fucking sexy. You nearly purr when Alex helps you lay down against his soft bedsheets. They smell like him, some cologne he’d bought and insisted you smell. Do you like it? He asked with a soft smile. You had.

The way he kisses is heavenly, soft lips colliding against your own with an eagerness replicated in his grabby hands. You’d had heated make-out sessions before, but it’s different, the way you accommodate him between your legs with pouty lips.

“Are you okay?” he murmurs into your neck. “We don’t have to rush or anything…”

“I’m okay,” you assure with swollen lips. “I promise, let’s keep going. Unless you don’t want to! We can also stop–”

Alex kisses you again. His tongue slides wetly against your bottom lip, intertwining with yours in a sticky, hot kiss.

“I wanna keep going.”

Your moan is loud and embarrassing, and you shrink at Alex’s gleeful face. To you, it feels so lewd to cry out when he sucks a hickey on your neck, but your boyfriend feels differently based on how he grinds desperately against you.

“You’re really hot when you moan like that,” and he fucking shudders.

Something inside you burns hot and bright as his words, “Well, I want you to fuck me. C-Can’t help but moan when you’re touching me like that.”

It comes out as a light whisper but triggers a deep magnetic pull in Alex’s chest. He can’t help it, he wants you so badly, and here you are presented like a breathtaking present, ready to take his thick cock inch by inch till he’s balls deep inside of you. 

“Yeah, well, I need you…!”

Alex breathes into your neck as you grind up against him. He’s so weak for you, nearly trembling. You’re not unshaken, either, clit rubbing just right against his bulge. You can feel how hard he is against you, and it's so fucking sexy. 

His hands skim the bottom of your shirt, soft eyes asking for permission. You give a shy nod, and his hands give way to bare skin, “Jesus.”

“…What?”

“You’re just so beautiful. Seriously! I feel so grateful right now, being here with you.”

A ball of emotion wells in your throat as he slowly reveals the softness of your tummy and then your nude bra. You start to feel flustered as he takes a confident move to grope your tits, feeling them squish under his fingertips as you squirm. Alex kisses you again with lips that soothe like a balm. He pushes the cups down to leave you nearly naked, and he’s breathless at the sight.

“Wow, they’re really… I mean, seeing you like this is…”

“Sexy? Hot?”

“Yeah, exactly. All of that,” he kisses your jaw wetly before coming eye to eye with your hardening nipples, taking one into his warm mouth with a hum.

“Oh, fuck me, Alex. Be careful, ‘m so sensiti–ooh!”

He doesn’t even speak as he rolls your nub on his tongue, loud, wet noises echoing in the wake of your whimpers. Your hands tangle into his hair as you unconsciously pull him closer; the both of you writhe as if trying to mold your bodies into one. Alex sucks a hickey on the bottom of your breast and then pulls away proudly, “what do you think?”

It’s half to check in on you and half on him. You look at his eager-for-praise face for a second before grinning and pulling him close by his shoulders.

“I think… you’re really good at this.”

“You flatter me too much,” he croons into your chest whilst laying sloppy kisses on the column of your chest. “You just drive me wild, babe. I can’t explain it. You make me wanna do all these things…”

He pauses as he reaches the button of your shorts, giving you a careful eye as he settles more comfortably above you. You don’t mind undressing further, but you’re starting to feel curious about what’s under his black shirt and shorts. Manicured nails lightly scratch his bare stomach as you slowly push the cotton upwards, his breath stuttering as you move inch by inch. You’ve seen him before but hadn’t had the chance to see him until now.

It’s obvious he’s nervous as he pulls the shirt over his mussed hair. He kneels between your legs quietly as you take in the firmness of his pecks, how his nipples pebble under your thumb. You end up in his lap with him flat on his back, open, pliant, ready to be devoured. Your hips rock against his effortlessly as your hands glide over his chest and abs, feeling every breath inhaled into his lungs.

Alex’s rib cage expands and caves under your touch. He’s shy enough to keep quiet purposefully, but every other rock of your hips lets aching whimpers flow out of him. He was so noisy. It made you feel dizzy with power and want as you touched him.

“B-Babe, I, uhngh, wait,” and you pause immediately with worried eyes. 

“I just, fuck, I needed to calm down,” he pants with eyes closed and bruising fingers on your hips, “any longer, and I would’ve–haha.”

The two of you laugh at the thought, but it leaves an indelible mark of love in your heart, thinking of how Alex is so deeply attracted to you. The mark grows into a phrase that just can’t be held back anymore, and you resist his hand strength to drag your hips over the length of his dick over and over—

“I need you inside me, ‘lex. I need to feel you fuck me, please? I’m so wet, I wanna know what you feel like,” your mewls leave him scrambling to unbutton your jeans. “Always finger myself thinking of you, imagining its you. Do you… think of me?”

“God, of course I do. You’re the only one I am thinking of,” his head tilts back, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Can’t wait anymore, baby.”

It comes mumbled out as a sigh, but you’re nearing the end of your rope as your panties stick lewdly to your pussy. Alex whines as you pull away to lay flat on your back; you grin up at him as you loosely hold the backs of your thighs.

“Are you just gonna stare, or are you gonna do somethin’ about it?”

“Shut up.”

He pins you down with a bruising kiss, and remember just how much Alex loves to be in control. You can feel it in how he insistently tugs on your panties, snapping them against your flesh, just to see it turn flushed. Tenderizing you, making you ripe for his picking as the meat of his hand pushes your thighs further back.

It seemed like he knew what he was doing, and you knew your sloppy pussy was drooling. Your thoughts were confirmed as he rubbed the flat of his thumb against your swollen clit, neglected and begging for his touch.

“She wants me, so wet, I really wanna taste you,” Alex rambles as a forefinger dips slightly into you before pulling back. “You know you look good, right? You have’ta know, babe, ‘cause I’m always saying it.”

Alex lays a gentle kiss on the inner bend of your knee. Featherlight and loving.

“I always want to show it,” he practically purrs as thick fingers deftly untie his bottoms. “I’m always thinking such… dirty thoughts when it comes to you. What can I say? You’re my favorite girl.”

You’re quaking as his voice strikes every nerve on the dot. Your legs fall and close in on themselves as you tremble, core swirling white-hot with arousal. Every nerve wants to keel over itself and just obey him. 

“You’re making me flustered,” you grumble as he pumps his cock.

It’s so hard not to stare at how his hips twitch every thump of his fist against his navel. It’s even harder not to ask him to fuck you raw for every bead of precum that spills over his knuckles like syrup. 

“I like you flustered. All loving and cute.”

The two of you are quiet aside from the desperate hiss that emerges as you feel his head just barely push against you. You know it’ll sting and that’s the nerve-racking part, but Alex intertwines your hands and pecks the corner of your mouth.

“We’ll go slow, yeah?”

“Yeah, just be gentle, okay?”

“Of course, baby,” he kisses your shoulder and rubs his nose against your jaw. “Whatever you want. It’s just you and me.”

He lets you hold his gaze as long as you need to, breathing shallowing as you remember all your reassurances: Alex loves you, Alex would never hurt you, Alex is your soulmate.

The last one leaves a warm rush of confidence, thrumming down your vertebrae. Your brain gives you a rush of endorphins, and you’re kissing Alex’s pink lips to say, “I’m ready.”

Your boyfriend nods and sighs heavily on his haunches. His dick sits thick and leaking. It’s so lewd how his hand grips the base, and he shudders from the barest pull of his fist. Alex’s eyes admire your sloppy pussy, and he can barely look away as he pats for a condom.

His teeth look animalistic, ripping the foil. His hands look even stronger and skilled as he starts to roll the condom on, and you feel intimacy call your name as you sit up to come close. All you can hear are the soft sounds of your needy breaths as you both roll the latex down his sensitive flesh.

“T-Thanks,” he murmurs with a blush crawling up his neck. “Lay back for me, hermosa.”

Your hole clenches around nothing, and you try to keep your hips from canting towards his, but it’s useless. Alex pushes the tip against you, eyes raking over your form as he squeezes your hand before moving forward. There’s a hot pinch of pain and your eyes automatically squeeze in tears, “‘m sorry, baby. Let me know when I can keep going, mhm?”

Alex sucks your nipple into his warm, inviting mouth, and you let out a pleasured sob. God, it feels so fucking good, and every shift has him moving an inch deeper every single time. Slowly, he fills you to the brim till you’re stuffed full and making grabby hands for him.

“Ohmygod, ngh, ‘lex, feels so good!”

“Fuck, you feel–fuck–so good, babe.”

There’s a wet clicking sound that echoes in your ears as Alex rolls his hips. He’s slow at first, heavy cock dragging down and splitting you apart before fucking himself back into you with a haggard groan. You mewl, fingers digging into pliable skin, when he angles his hips up and hits right there.

It’s so sloppy how your arousal sticks to both of you. Sticky strings keep you nice and wet as Alex grinds himself against you, tip kissing you so deep you arch back and sob out, “you’re fucking me so good, ‘lex. Ohgod, you’re so deep; I-I can feel you here…”

You can barely think straight as tears spring to your eyes. Alex is hardly holding himself together as he hones in on the way your walls greedily suck him in to slide home deep in your cunt. A creamy ring of white coats his base, and he lets out a shuddering wail, his hips jerking wildly and his eyes scrunching closed.

God, you and your pussy were fucking ravishing him. 

“Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love you, baby,” his lip trembles as his hand clumsily squeezes your breast. “I love you so much, love how you can take me like this–ohfuck, I’m getting close.”

It’s obvious that Alex is losing it because his eyes roll back, and his moans grow higher, pitched, and needy. You feel it, too. Your hand comes down to rub tight circles on your clit, both you and Alex rippling and grinding desperately to reach your peak. His lips pant against your sweaty skin before giving you a loving kiss, “I want you to cum with me, please, can you?”

Both your mind and pussy are delirious, with only one thought coursing through you: AlexAlexAlex! You sniffle, hands scratching delicate flesh as you pull him close, walls clenching around him as if trying to fuse him with you. 

“Oh! Alex, I’m so–feeling like I'm gonna cum,” you warble desperately, practically shaking like a wild animal as Alex talks you through it. “Fuckfuck, I’m gonna cum, ‘lex!”

The neighbors must be infuriated as your mouth opens into an “O” to let out a cry of pleasure. You don’t even realize you’re begging Alex until he sighs deeply into your ear, “fuck, I’ll give it to you, baby. Shit!”

His balls slap against your ass as he groans, hips tilting forward as he spills into the condom and fills it. It’s blissful warmth that leaves stray tears falling down your cheeks as you chase his lips for more. Alex shudders at your gummy walls as they spasm and milk him for all he’s worth. Alex rocks into you to ride out your highs, softening and letting you both come to.

Pulling out, your boyfriend is immediately leveling face-to-face with you. Alex goes to speak, but you have no time for words as you pull him deep into a kiss. He adjusts to your wants easily as he rests on his forearms and pulls you close. It’s tender. His fingertips brush so softly against your skin like they weren’t just making indents on the backs of your thighs.

“Like, wow,” he murmurs, hot and sweaty against your lips. “You’re everything I’ve wanted and more, seriously, mi amor.”

“Stoppp,” you’re too shy to do anything but simper at him.

Alex kisses you again, and then squeezes your hip. He doesn’t need to say much. You both knew.

“Hey, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

You hadn’t been expecting anything. But, of course, Alex surpassed your expectations in every which way.

[love-quinn]

— CALL TIME

summary — a games shoot with your boyfriend mid-fight isn’t something that’s particularly appealing. but, in an effort to keep up appearances, you inadvertently find out the reason you’re fighting.

warnings — none

pairing — spencer agnew x fem!reader

pronouns — none (you/yours), reader is referred to explicitly as spencer’s girlfriend

featuring — spencer agnew, shayne topp, angela giarratana, courtney miller, alex tran, kortney luby (mentioned)

word count — 3.4k

note — honestly still trying to figure out what i’m doing here, but i guess i write for smosh now?? i hope you enjoy anyway <33

Shoot weeks were always stressful. They resulted in 12 hour days, sometimes you had multiple shoots back to back and you didn’t get a break. A lot of the time, you’d scarf down Uber Eats at your desk while looking over two different scripts, four emails and the shoot schedule and realising that you’re probably not going to get a whole lot of sleep that night.

Your boyfriend was in the same boat, though. Not only was he often on camera, he was also directing all of the smosh games productions. A lot of the time while you were devouring a subway over your desk, Spencer was right there beside you, the two of you chatting idly about whether or not either of you thought that you would have the time or the energy to see each other outside of work that week.

The two of you had been dating privately for a little over a year, everyone at the office knew but you hadn’t announced anything publicly yet. Neither of you had any interest in it, to be perfectly honest. Your audience knew the two of you were close, you’d occasionally post photos of the two of you out at dinner together or at the movies or something, plus you’d run into fans quite a few times. But also, Spencer hung out in public more with Alex than he did with you, so people didn’t tend to take it to a romantic place.

During lunch on the Thursday of a shoot week would usually involve the two of you sitting tiredly in the open office area, your head on his shoulder while he showed you a video of something. You relished any opportunity to spend time together during shoot weeks, because you both really would just leave work, pass out and then go back to work.

This particular Thursday, though, you were alone at your table. Not alone, Shayne and Angela were there, the three of you engaged in random chatter. People filed in and out, working crew trying to eat quickly so they could get back to their spot on set and prepare for the next shoot, crew that wasn’t working sets that day still having a lot to get done behind the scenes. A few people had come and left your table but none of them touched the seat beside yours, knowing that Spencer would inevitably arrive and want to sit beside you.

He wasn’t coming, though, and you knew that.

You and Spencer both really valued communication, and you were normally really good at it. But with how exhausted you both were, neither of you had the energy to have an argument lately. You’d gone two full days without speaking unless completely necessary. Your last text from him had been from the morning earlier; We need two, not one. It had been about batteries, you’d been sent on a run to the supply closet for an extra one.

You hadn’t even been aware of how it started. One night he’d been kissing your temple in the parking lot, preparing to go back to his apartment while you went back to yours and the next morning you barely spoke.

You couldn’t even corner him about it at work. You’d tried to approach him in the kitchen, assuming he’d just been too busy to text you or stop by your desk like he usually did in the mornings. “You okay?” You’d asked him gently, hand on his arm gently.

He’d given you a pinched smile, “Yeah, babe.” He turned back to the fridge, shutting it stiffly. “I gotta go, call time’s in ten and I need to talk to Alex about the Games video we shot last night.”

You’d stood there in the office kitchen as he walked away. He didn’t approach you the rest of the day, but you had been on the same set for a few hours.

No text that night, no kiss in the parking lot as you parted ways, not even a dumb tweet he thought you’d like. Hell, he hadn’t even messaged you on Slack.

Shayne watched you eat with his eyebrows raised. “You okay? You’ve been quiet all morning.”

You looked up to see both Shayne and Angela looking at you. You hadn’t even realised the conversation had dropped off. “Oh, uh.” You shook your head, more at yourself than at them. “Yeah, it’s fine. Just one of those weeks, y’know.”

“It’s almost over,” Angela rubbed your arm sympathetically. “Just today and tomorrow and then it’s the weekend. Do you have much on this afternoon?”

You had to pull out your phone to check your schedule. You had two more shoots for the day but they were spread out so you were still gonna be at work for quite a while. Maybe you could take a nap in the green room between shows. “Yeah, I’m doing You Posted That? and then we’re playing whatever game or something tonight.” You rubbed your eyes.

“Hey, tomorrow you only have TNTL and then reddit,” Shayne said encouragingly. “Early afternoon. Go home and get some rest, you look rough, dude.” It was all said with love, so you just grimaced up at him.

“Okay, can I tell you guys something in confidence?”

Both of them immediately nodded, abandoning their forks.

“I think Spencer’s avoiding me,” you admitted softly.

Shayne and Angela were probably two of your closest working friends. The three of you often sat in the back of groups and giggled together like you were ten. When you’d first started working at Smosh, you’d been somewhat awkward around your castmates when you weren’t filming. You guys made each other laugh but you weren’t sure whether or not they actually liked you or if they just laughed along with you on camera to avoid awkwardness. That hadn’t lasted long, though, and now you felt like you could actually have serious conversations with people.

“I was wondering why he wasn’t here,” Angela admitted. “Usually I can never get you alone at lunch, I have so many TikToks I wanna show you.”

You shrugged. “He’s been weird for a couple of days now, like, look at this.” You pulled out your phone and showed them your text history or now lack thereof. Shayne saw the one message from the past three days and his eyebrows raised higher.

“And you’ve tried talking to him about it?”

You nodded, locking your phone and putting it on the table. “He basically ran out of the kitchen when I asked him if everything was okay. By the time I was done for the day he was already at home, he usually stops by my desk if he’s leaving earlier than I am. I wasn’t in a shoot or anything.”

Angela slackened, leaning against her elbows on the desk and looking up at you with a frown on her face. “That’s definitely weird, yeah. Yeah, no, that’s weird. You guys didn’t argue about anything or anything?”

You shook your head, fidgeting with your nails. “Monday everything was normal, now I’m here.”

Your phone buzzed with your alarm that you’d set, you had fifteen minutes until your call time for the next shoot. You’d mostly finished eating but you picked up your fork again and poked at the remaining food on your plate. “And like, I don’t know. I’m not spiralling, like I know that he loves me and everything and I don’t think we’re on the brink of breaking up or anything, I just have no idea what’s going on.”

Angela reached over and squeezed your wrist. “Anything I can do? I won’t do anything unless you tell me too, obviously, but I can talk to him about it if you want?”

You let out a puff of air and shook your head. “No, but thank you for the offer.” You stood, taking your little container of food to drop it back off at your desk before you went to set. “I’ll see you guys later? Thank you for letting me talk.”

“Of course, babe.”

“Yeah,” Shayne said genuinely. “Let either of us know if we can help?”

You moved through the next few hours as best you could, putting on your most entertaining face for the camera. You didn’t win the game but you also hadn’t embarrassed yourself a supreme amount, so you took it as a win. By the time you had to be on set for your final shoot of the game, you’d had a coffee and you were ready to head home. You didn’t let being tired stop you, you were still bright and smiley, the way the audience was used to seeing you.

You definitely regretted not reading the call sheet beyond your own call time, though, because Spencer was sitting at the table on his phone.

You didn’t know whether you were allowed to sit beside him. You wanted to, and you were sure that he wouldn’t get angry with you, but would it make the experience awkward?

You pretended to go back to your desk for something, hoping that at least one other person would be at the table before you had to sit down. This was why you never showed up anywhere early.

By the time you got back, your prayers had been answered and Courtney and Shayne had taken the two seats on either side of him. You slid on the other end of the table, across from Shayne, who smiled encouragingly at you.

“Hi!” You hadn’t seen Courtney all day and she smiled widely at you. “I tried that recipe you sent me last night and I think I’ve decided that I want to marry you.”

“Aw man,” Shane put a hand on his forehead, shaking his head as he glared at the table. “Didn’t even get a year in, I owe Damien twenty bucks.”

“Oh my god, wait, we’re kinda on a cute little double date right now,” Courtney giggled. “Look at us go.”

Courtney hadn’t been present at the table during lunch, but they could definitely tell that something was going on between you and Spencer, if only from the fact that he hadn’t already leaned behind her to tell you a joke that only you would find funny.

She waited until Spencer and Shayne got up to be mic’d to turn to you, voice hushed. “You okay?”

You rehashed the story as quickly and quietly as you could and she frowned. “I was wondering why he came and ate at my desk but I just assumed you were busy or something. That’s weird. It’s not gonna make the video weird is it?”

“No,” you assured them. “We’re adults, and as far as I know, we’re still together,” you’d said the last part jokingly. You were adults, you wouldn’t have broken up over something like this, not without a lot of discussion first, but you still had no idea why he was basically giving you the silent treatment.

“Alright, guys,” Alex called out and Spencer slid back into his chair. He shot you a smile and you returned it while Alex outlined who was giving the intro, how many points you needed to win, etc, things that you didn’t necessarily think about until you were doing them on camera. “And we’re rolling in three…”

Shayne started talking to the camera and you fidgeted under the desk. You really enjoyed filming for Smosh Games, it was probably your favourite channel to film for. But also, it was hard to enjoy a board game when you were on four different cameras. You’d have to talk to Kortney to make sure you didn’t look completely tired and bummed out the entire time in the final cut.

You managed to get through the first few rounds okay, making the group laugh a few times and getting a few moments that would make the video. It had started when someone made a dumb joke, some sort of thing about a really sophisticated cat or something, and Spencer had bounced off it. “Yeah, my neighbour across the hall is like, moving in with their partner or something, and I ran into them in the hallway a couple of days ago and offered to help with a box they were kinda struggling with and the box was just labeled ‘Lemons,’” The whole table giggled at that, trying to figure out where he was going with it. “And I was like… “Okay, this person has a thing for lemons I guess?” but then I go into their apartment and I find out that they apparently both had cats, right? And so my neighbour had a cat and now their partner’s cat is also moving in. Apparently both of the cats are called Lemons!”

That really got Courtney, their head getting thrown back as she laughed. “No way!”

“They’re soulmates, dude,” Shayne nodded.

Spencer looked over at you, path completely clear now that Courtney had scooted her chair back. You knew the one of Spencer’s neighbours that he was referring to, he’d told you the story as the two of you walked to your cars the afternoon after it happened.

“Would that be something that you were interested in?” He’d asked after a second, taking out his keys with the hand that wasn’t holding yours.

You liked cats, but your apartment didn’t allow them, and you also didn’t know if you really had the energy or the time to deal with a pet right now. You shook your head. “Not really, I’m fine solo over there,” you’d said.

Spencer had nodded and kissed your temple, right beside your eye on the side of your face. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he’d said in a low voice.

Spencer, at the games table, seemed to watch you have the realisation in real time. Your eyes had drifted back to the table in thought for a second and they came back up to lock with his. You looked a lot more resolute than you had before, and he was a little bit nervous.

He hadn’t been ignoring you to be immature, it had been honestly wanting to back off so as to not make you uncomfortable. He’d tried to take a step and you hadn’t wanted to, and he respected that. But he also didn’t know if what he had previously been doing was also what you wanted, so he was trying to just get to the weekend when he knew you’d be feeling better enough to maybe have a full conversation about where the two of you were at. You’d celebrated your one year anniversary two months earlier, he saw a future with you. He’d been confident that you felt the same way, you showed him consistently, but now he was worried he’d overstepped in ways he hadn’t realised. He’d thought you’d have said yes, maybe he was wrong about other things as well.

Your eyes were soft as they met his, flicking away to listen to Shayne talk. You weren’t having this conversation in the middle of the shoot. He turned to listen as well, but the two of you had both relaxed in the shoulders slightly, hoping that maybe by the end of the night you’d be on the same page.

The shoot wrapped up pretty quick with Courtney sweeping the game. You were the one to run through the ending spiel, like, subscribe, all that stuff. Once Alex finally called cut, Spencer was quick to lean over and murmur. “I gotta talk to Alex really quick about some stuff, I’ll be ten minutes max.”

You nodded at him and he practically ran to Alex, opening up his bag and pulling out a folder of something probably important. Shayne and Courtney watched the interaction. “Guess he’s not avoiding you anymore?”

“I realised what happened literally in the middle of filming,” you sighed, rubbing your face. “Oh my god, I’m so stupid.” You had to laugh, it was silly.

“He asked me to move in with him earlier this week. I said no because I thought he was asking if I wanted to get a cat.”

Both Shayne and Courtney also had to laugh. “No, that’s so dumb, I’m sorry,” Courtney put her forehead on your shoulder as a sign of support for a second before lifting it up. “At least it’s something you can fix easily.”

“Yeah,” Shayne nudged you. “You’ll be fine. You got this,”

You nodded, more just relieved that you’d figured out the problem so you could solve it. You knew Spencer hadn’t intentionally kept it from you, he’d thought you’d known this whole time. Spencer still didn’t know that you were unaware of your rejection, he’d just seen the love-filled look you’d given him and assumed that meant you still wanted to see him.

Shayne and Courtney packed their stuff up and headed off, not without both giving you an equally cheesy thumbs-up as they walked through the door. Spencer and Alex were both still nodding seriously at whatever piece of paper they were looking at, but they both smiled at you as you left to go back towards your desk.

You grabbed all your stuff and then stood outside the pod for a little while, dragging the toe of your shoes across the concrete flooring as you waited for your boyfriend. “Hi,” his voice was quiet but not awkward as he approached you from behind.

You didn’t wait, you wrapped your arms around his neck and he hugged you back with no hesitation. “I love you,” you mumbled into his neck.

“I love you too,” he replied immediately. “You okay?”

You nodded, pulling back just enough that he could see your face. “Yes, just stupid, I think.”

He laughed, ducking his head. “Yeah you are pretty dumb, aren’t you?” You pushed him off you and he took your hand, the two of you heading outside to your cars. “What specifically led you to this discovery?”

You squeezed his hand and stopped walking, pulling him off to the side so you weren’t standing in the middle of the road, coming to a stop in front of his car. “I thought you were asking if I wanted a cat.” You explained. “Last weekend, you asked ‘do you want to do that?’ and I thought you were talking about me getting a cat.”

He just smiled, still looking slightly confused. You squeezed his hand again and it hit him that time. “Oh! No, no, that’s not… no, I wasn’t asking if you wanted a cat.”

You nodded as if that was obvious. “No, I know that now.”

“No, that’s on me I asked it super vaguely,” he reasoned, swinging your joined arms slightly. “I thought you were saying no and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t like, smothering you or whatever. I didn’t want you to think that you not wanting to move in with me was going to make me super clingy or something.”

“Not at all,” you replied honestly. “In fact, you’re gonna have a hard time getting rid of me. If we’re living together I’m gonna be all over you like grease on those weird pans you have. We’re throwing them out by the way, I refuse to cook with those things.”

He laughed loudly, it almost echoing around the small parking lot. “They might not be non-stick but at least I don’t burn my hand on them every week like I do with yours.” His eyes were filled with a comfortable happiness behind his glasses as your hands still swung. “Wait,” he stopped you. “Does this mean you want to move in with me?”

You didn’t even bother teasing him that time. “I would love to,” you said honestly. “But seriously, you can keep the pans. I won't make you get rid of them, but I can not use them.”

He groaned, looking at the ground as his eyebrows furrowed. “You’re the worst girlfriend ever.”

“I have a perfectly good apartment, you know.”

“No, you already agreed,” he pulled you in and pressed his lips to yours for the first time in what had literally been days. “You’re moving in with me and my weird pans.” You didn’t even bother replying to that, instead kissing him again slowly. He let you. You were overdue for one anyway.

[hauntedhowlett-writes]

title: my tears ricochet | part i

pairing: husband's best friend!joel miller x female reader

rating: chapter - t; full work - explicit (18+ MDNI)

word count: 7k

summary: after moving from new york to texas with your fiance, you expect to jump right into wedding planning with his help. when he claims to be too busy, he suggests asking his best friend, joel miller, to help you instead.

you weren't supposed to fall in love with him.

author's note: this story is a three part fic inspired by the song "my tears ricochet" by taylor swift. this first part is reader's POV, part two will be joel's POV, and the third part will be dual POV. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging or commenting!

chapter tags: modern au, infidelity, emotional abuse, the fiance is shitty, no use of y/n, single POV (reader), wedding dress shopping and other wedding planning activities, angst, arguing, alcohol consumption/mention, kissing, no smut. please let me know if i've missed any!

major work tags: modern au, infidelity, explicit sexual content, character death

You stare out at the manicured yard, watching as guests move about the grounds and waiters in black uniforms carry trays of food and drinks through the crowd. Your boyfriend -- wait, no, fiancé -- Alex laughs boisterously with your father, a hand on his back in easy familiarity. You know you should be down there with him given that this is your engagement party, but you were starting to feel overwhelmed by the constant smiling and greeting strangers and showing off your shiny new engagement ring that you needed a break.

The door opens and a man you don't recognize steps into the room, pale blue dress shirt stretched tight across his broad chest and a pair of wrinkled dress pants. He runs a hand through his messy dark curls.

"Sorry, I didn't think anyone would be in here," he says. As he looks you over, his brown eyes go wide with surprise. "Shit, you're the bride!"

You smile at him. "That's me," you reply. You hold a hand out towards him as you give him your name, his rough palm sliding against yours as he grips it firmly.

"I'm Joel Miller," he tells you. You know the name well, being that he's your fiancé's best friend. "Didn't mean to make our first time meetin' so awkward."

"No, no, it's not your fault. I've just been feeling a little overwhelmed with all the," you wave your hand towards the window, "festivities. It's great to finally meet you."

"I don't blame ya. They can get pretty stuffy down there. Congrats, by the way."

"Thank you." He lets go of your hand. "So, why are you hiding?"

He laughs, deep and full bellied. "Alex's mom doesn't like me much. I'm sure she was hopin' that we would stop bein' friends when he went to school on the other side of the country, but I’m like a stubborn tick."

"How could she not like you, Alex told me that the two of you have been best friends since kindergarten!"

"There may have been a few mishaps in high school," he says. "You ever tried eggin' your principal's house?"

"Can't say that I have," you reply.

"Well, it doesn't end well if you get caught." He looks out the window with a smile on his face. "We got arrested. Alex's dad had to bail us out. Probably had to throw some hush money around so that it wouldn't show up on his record when he applied to school."

"He's never told me that!" You say, laughing hard enough around the words that your stomach hurts.

The door opens and this time, Alex himself steps into the room. His serious expression morphs into a smile when he sees you and Joel.

"There you are," he says, crossing the room to kiss your cheek. He greets Joel with a hug, patting his back roughly. "What are you two doing in here?"

"I just needed a minute alone," you tell him.

"And I crashed her minute alone. Told her about the time we got arrested in high school," Joel adds. Alex's jaw tenses, his smile tight as his eyes flick to you, like he's worried about your reaction. "She laughed. It's all good."

"Right. Well, I came to find you because its time for the toast and dinner," Alex says. "Let's get back down to our guests."

A hand at the small of your back urges you towards the door before you can reply.

"Alex, are you listening to me?" You ask. Your fiancé looks up from his phone.

"I'm sorry, baby, I was finishing an e-mail," he says. He sets his phone down on the table, dark screen facing up, and gives you his full attention. "What were you saying?"

"I wanted to schedule the cake tasting. Do you have any free time this week?"

He grimaces. "I don't think I do, sweetheart. Your dad's got my schedule pretty packed."

"I can just ask him to--"

"No," he says sternly. "You know I have to make a good impression with the rest of the firm."

"But--"

"Babe, no. I can't do this week. Why don't you ask my mom? Or Joel?"

While your future mother-in-law is kind enough, you don't have much patience for the way she tries to take control of your wedding planning. Joel, however, might be a good idea. He knows Alex well enough to be a stand in for a decision like cake and icing flavors.

"Could you give me Joel's number?"

Alex smiles, seemingly pleased that he's off the hook as he takes his phone in hand and sends you his best friend's phone number.

You meet Joel at the bakery that week. To your surprise he's there before you, dressed in worn jeans and a t-shirt and he smiles brightly at you as you approach.

"Hey," he says. "Ready to eat some cake?"

"I think this will be my favorite part of planning this whole wedding," you reply. He laughs as he pulls the door open for you to step inside, following in behind you.

"Welcome to Buttercup Bakery! Can I help y'all with anything?" A young woman with a name tag reading BEVERLY asks from behind the counter, pink and white apron tied around her waist.

"I have a cake tasting appointment," you reply, giving her your name for the reservation.

"Excellent! If you want to go ahead and take a seat anywhere you'd like, I'll bring out the tasting options and we'll get you squared away in no time!"

She disappears through swinging doors as you and Joel take a seat at a pink acrylic table with matching chairs. He looks around the shop with interest.

"What made you pick this place?" He asks.

"Had the best reviews," you say with a shrug. His brow furrows.

"Alex didn't suggest it? He helpin' you at all with this weddin'?"

He says it with a laugh, but the question makes you dig your fingernails into your palm. "He's just really busy with work. I've been doing a lot of the planning."

“What about your uh, what are they called? Bridesmaids?”

“They’re all back in New York. It’s just me.”

“I thought your parents were here, too? Isn’t Alex workin’ with your dad now?”

“It’s just my dad, he’s back in New York. His partner opened a firm in Austin and Alex is working with that office. He’s hoping to make partner soon, too.”

Joel nods, eyes scanning your face but you keep your expression as neutral as possible. The swinging doors open and Beverly returns with a marble tray, bites of cake artfully arranged on the surface. She sets it on the table between you and Joel.

“Okay! These are our six most popular flavor combinations for you to start with and if there’s something more custom you have in mind, we can totally make that happen,” she says. “Starting at the top, we have classic vanilla with vanilla buttercream, chocolate cake with chocolate ganache and chocolate buttercream, our signature champagne cake with strawberry buttercream, lemon cake with lavender buttercream, caramel cake with caramel mocha buttercream, and white chocolate cake with raspberry jam and white chocolate raspberry buttercream.”

Joel grins at you. “This might be the best thing anyone has ever asked me to help with.”

“I’ll leave you guys to it,” Beverly says with a wink, walking back to the counter.

“I don’t know which to start with,” you say, eyes scanning the selections.

“That chocolate one is callin’ my name,” Joel replies, spearing one of the chocolate cake bites with a fork and taking a bite. He hums appreciatively. “Oh yeah, that one is a winner.”

You choose the vanilla to start, taking a bite of the moist cake with buttercream that tastes strongly of vanilla bean with a hint of cinnamon. The simplicity makes it good, but overall the flavor doesn't stand out to you. Joel continues to take bites seemingly at random while you opt to go around the tray in the order that Beverly introduced the flavors.

"Any of them stickin' out to you?" Joel asks when you've reached the half-way point.

"They're all delicious," you reply. "I think Alex would probably like the vanilla best, though."

"I didn't ask what Alex would like, I asked if there were any that you liked." He spears the remaining piece of white chocolate raspberry with his fork and holds it up to you. "Here, try this one next."

You eye the fork dubiously. "I don't think--"

Joel slips the bite of cake into your mouth despite your interrupted disagreement, smiling at you triumphantly. You chew the bite begrudgingly.

"I think that one and the chocolate one are my favorite," Joel says as you swallow.

Beverly returns at that moment, a notepad in hand as she pulls up a third chair to the tiny bistro table.

“So? What are your thoughts?”

“I think I’m going to get the vanilla,” you tell her. Joel’s jaw ticks, almost like he’s upset you’ve chosen the flavor that you said Alex would like. “But, could I get alternating tiers of the white chocolate raspberry, too?”

Joel’s lips quirk up in a small smile and you try to ignore the way it makes your stomach flip.

Joel: Have you picked flowers yet?

Not yet.

Joel: I know a place. You busy today?

You stare the at the message in surprise. You weren’t expecting to hear from Joel again, but his name on your screen has you fighting back a smile.

I’m not busy. When did you want to go?

Joel: They open at noon. Here’s the address.

“Baby, have you seen my blue tie?” Alex calls from upstairs. You drop your phone to the counter like you’ve been caught doing something wrong.

“Which one?” You reply, pressing a hand to your chest.

“The plaid one!”

“Should be in your tie drawer!”

“It’s not here!”

You pinch your nose, making your way to the stairs to join him in your shared bedroom. He’s standing in front of his tie drawer, hands on his hips as he stares at the contents. You peek over his shoulder and reach into the back, pulling out the neatly folded blue and green patterned tie.

He takes it from your hand. “That one should be towards the front. Can you remember that next time you put away dry cleaning?”

“Sure.” You bite your lip to hold back the sigh that threatens to spill. “You want me to tie it for you?”

“No, thanks, I need it to be perfect. Big meeting,” he says, his lips tilted in a smile that feels condescending. He leans into you, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” you murmur, watching his back as he enters the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.

Joel is waiting outside of a dark green storefront when you arrive at the address he’d sent you. He smiles when he sees you, a true one that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle slightly, and it gives you this strange feeling of emptiness because you can’t remember the last time Alex smiled at you like that.

When you’re close enough, he pulls you into a hug that envelops you in strong arms and the scent of woods at nightfall with a hint of citrus. Your eyes flutter shut as you hug him back and breathe him in.

He releases you and immediately you feel a chill in losing his warmth despite the oppressive Texas heat. You look at the shop as he steps back, taking in the gorgeous floral arrangements in the window and cursive script painted on the glass that says PETAL TO THE METAL.

Joel opens the door to the shop, a brass bell ringing to announce your entrance. A man at the counter in the center of the store looks up and grins at you both.

“Joel! Nice to see you,” the man says. You watch as they shake hands with familiarity, the man behind the counter smiling kindly. “You must be the bride. I’m Frank.”

You give Joel a look of surprise before introducing yourself and shaking Frank’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Do you two know each other?”

“Joel’s an old friend of ours.”

“Ours?”

A back door bangs open, someone emerging with their arms so full of potted plants you can’t see their face. A deep voice let’s out a series of curses.

“This is my partner, Bill,” Frank says. “He’s not much of a people person. Great with plants, though.”

“A little help would be nice,” Bill grunts. Frank rolls his eyes but leaves the counter to take a couple pots from Bill’s hands, revealing a man with long brown hair and a grizzled expression hidden amongst a thick beard. Frank leans in and kisses his cheek.

“You need only ask,” Frank says. Bill’s cheeks turn pink beneath his thick facial hair. Despite the annoyed expression on his face, his eyes are soft as he watches Frank. “Let me grab you the event portfolio and we can talk about your wedding. Have a look around.”

As Frank leaves and Bill busies himself arranging the new plants, you and Joel wander the shop and take in aisles and shelves of different flowers with little gold name cards in their pots or on their buckets.

“So,” Joel says, “How are you liking Austin?”

“It’s…hot,” you reply. “Really, really hot.”

“That’s the south for ya, sweetheart.”

Your face grows hot at the endearment and how it seemed to just roll off his tongue. “Have you lived in Austin your whole life?”

“Texas born n’ bred,” he says proudly, puffing his chest out.

“You never wanted to live anywhere else?”

“I’ve always thought Wyoming sounded nice. A farm that I built, some sheep, no neighbors for miles,” he says wistfully. “Maybe someday.”

“Building a farm, huh? You good with your hands, Joel?”

He blinks at you. “Y-yeah. I mean, I’m a contractor. I gotta be.”

“That’s impressive,” you tell him, biting your lip to hold back your laughter at his flustered response.

Frank approaches, lifting a heavy book in his hands. “You ready to pick some flowers?”

Joel holds the door open for you as the two of you leave the flower shop an hour later. He waves goodbye to Bill and Frank with a promise to visit them for dinner soon before following you down the sidewalk.

“You wanna get lunch?” Joel offers. “My treat.”

You pull your phone from your pocket to check your messages and finding none from Alex, you think to yourself, why not?

“Sure,” you agree.

That's how you find yourself sitting on a bench in the park with Joel Miller, your husband's best friend, talking to him about everything and nothing as you eat street tacos from a food truck nearby. He makes you laugh so hard you choke on birria, the sauce dripping down your chin. He reaches out, wiping the mess with a brown napkin while he smiles so bright it puts the sun to shame.

Later that night, while you're in bed, you can't help but think today was the best day you've had in a long time.

And you're not sure what that means.

You begin texting Joel regularly. You ask him for his opinion on things that Alex can’t be bothered with — the suit colors for the groomsmen (navy blue), the invitation stationary (the linen finish), and favors (miniature bottles of hot sauce - Joel assures you this will be a hit with the Texas crowd). In between those conversations, he sends you pictures from his construction sites or asks you how your day has been and whether you had gotten the chance to check out that show he recommended.

When you tell Alex about the wedding decisions you've made, leaving out the extent of Joel's help, he hums and nods at the appropriate intervals, feigning attentiveness while his thumb moves rapidly across his phone screen. It should bother you, you think, that your future husband is so uninvolved with planning his own wedding, but then your own phone lights up with Joel’s name and a goofy photo he sent from a construction site, his hard hat askew on his head and his eyes crossed, and your annoyance with Alex fades into background noise.

There’s one last item on your checklist that you’re more nervous to ask Joel for help with than the others — dress shopping. You could probably fly back to New York and be with your friends for the momentous occasion but you’re certain that Alex wouldn’t appreciate your absence for something he considers so frivolous.

Not that you say anything when he’s gone for his golfing trips.

You’re staring at Joel’s contact screen, working up the nerve to call him and ask him if he’d be willing to come dress shopping with you, when it lights up with an incoming call, his name at the top of the screen like just your thoughts summoned him. You answer on the third ring.

“Hey, I was just about to call you,” you tell him.

“So that’s why my ears were itchin’,” he laughs. “You need somethin’?”

You take a steadying breath. “I just have one more thing I need help with and then you won’t have to deal with me.”

“I don’t mind helpin’ you, sweetheart.” You stomach flutters at the nickname and he clears his throat to fill the loaded silence that follows his words. “Now, tell me what you need.”

“Could you come dress shopping with me?”

“That all? Just tell me where and when,” he says. You breathe a sigh of relief, giving him the details of the appointment you made at a local boutique. He promises to meet you there this weekend before hanging up.

The word sweetheart in Joel’s deep voice echoes through your mind for the rest of the day.

Joel looks hilariously out of place on the pristine white couch located in the middle of the dress boutique, a dainty glass of champagne held in his large hand. You sit beside him, your legs touching as you watch the sales associate flit around the store, pulling hangers of dresses from the racks.

“That’s a lot of dresses,” Joel comments, taking a sip of champagne.

“You not up for the challenge?” You tease. He laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his wide smile.

“Trust me, I’m up for the challenge. We’re goin’ to find you the best damn weddin’ dress Texas has ever seen,” he promises.

“Alright, I’ve got some gorgeous choices here for you,” the associate announces, holding up a handful of ivory hangers draped in all types of fabric from satin to chiffon. “You wanna follow me and we’ll get started?”

You follow her to the fitting room and she sets the hangers on a rack, fanning out the dresses so that you can get a better look. There’s five of them in a variety of styles, including an impressive ball gown boasting layers of tulle that trails to the floor.

“I’ll try that one first,” you tell her, pointing to ball gown.

“What’s your fiancé’s name?” She asks as you undress, taking the gown from the hanger and arranging it on the floor for you to step into it.

“Alex,” you reply. She drags the bodice up and instructs you to hold it to your chest while she laces up the corset back.

“I think it’s sweet that you’ve brought him with you.”

“Oh, no. That’s Joel, he’s my husband’s best friend.”

“Really?” She asks, the strings tightening around your waist. “The way you two look at each other, I would have bet money he was the one marrying you." You're about to ask what she means when she finishes tying off the bodice and says, "Wow, this dress is stunning on you."

Her comment retreats to the back of your mind as you look at yourself in the mirror. The strapless white gown hugs your chest and waist, flaring out into a layered skirt with lace appliques. There's beading on the sweetheart neckline that trails down the bodice in intricate patterns that catch the light of the fitting room. The dress is stunning.

Marnie leads you back out to the showroom, helping you step up onto a raised platform in front of a trifold mirror that shows you your reflection from multiple angles. You twist and turn, taking in all the details of it before finally facing Joel.

"Damn," Joel says. "That sure is one hell of a dress."

"It's...a lot." You twist your hips from side to side, the heavy skirt swishing across the floor. "I feel like a cupcake and I don't know if I'll be able to dance in it."

"You wanna test it out?"

He's standing before you can respond, reaching a hand into yours to guide you down from the pedestal. When you're on the floor, he wraps an arm around your low back, pulling you close while swaying side to side.

The world around you goes a little blurry and the only thing in perfect clarity is Joel. The feel of his hand in yours, the weight of his arm at the small of your back, the clean smell of soap and citrus, everything is just....Joel.

"How's it feel?" He asks, voice low. You tilt your head back to look up at his face.

"Huh?"

"The dress...dancin'...how's it feel?"

The question drags you back to reality, where you're currently dancing around a bridal salon with a man who isn't your fiance. You pull away from him, returning to the pedestal as the bridal associate joins the two of you again.

"Uh...I don't think this is the dress for me. Can we try the next one?"

You try on two other dresses in quick succession, neither of them leaving a lasting impression. It's the fourth dress that really gives you pause as you look at yourself in the fitting room mirror.

"Honey," the associate says, adjusting the off-the-shoulder sleeves of the dress, "This dress was made for you."

The scooped neckline highlights the lines and curves of your neck and shoulders, the corset bodice hugging your curves in satin folds. The skirt fans out from the waist, similar to the silhouette of the ball gown without all the additional weight and fabric and a thigh high slit allows for some extra movement.

She leads you back out into the showroom and helps you once more onto the pedestal. You grin at your reflection as she fixes the skirt into place.

"Well?" You ask, catching Joel's eye in the mirror. His mouth is set in a serious line, brows pinched together and his arms crossed over his chest. You own smile falters. "You don't like it? What's with the look?"

He shakes his head, his serious expression morphing into a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "You look..." His voice trails off and he clears his throat. "Alex is a lucky son of a bitch."

You laugh, lifting the skirt so that you can step off the pedestal. Joel's eyes drop, his gaze fixing on the skirt as you walk towards him.

"You think so?" You ask quietly, stepping in close.

"Yeah, sweetheart," he murmurs. A single finger runs down your arm, goosebumps erupting over your skin in its wake. "I know so."

With the wedding plans finalized, your attention returns to your work as a web design consultant. Your client portfolio starts to build once more, keeping you busy in the months leading up to your big day. Alex remains focused on his work at the firm, working long days and longer nights that have him arriving home well after you've gone to bed, the two of you just ships passing in the dark. You would feel lonely, you think, if not for Joel.

The two of you still message each other frequently, though you don't see him again until a month before the wedding, when Alex invites him over for dinner one Saturday night.

The doorbell rings just as you put the chicken in the oven and you wipe your hands before going to answer it, your heart racing. Joel's sweet smile greets you when you open the door and seeing him across the threshold has the tension in your shoulders easing the slightest bit.

He steps across the threshold, strong arms wrapping around your waist in a tight hug. Footsteps on the stairs have him releasing you far sooner than you would have liked.

"Joel, my man! Glad you could make it," Alex says as he reaches the first floor. "Honey, is the table set?"

"No, not yet," you reply.

"You need any help?" Joel asks. You open your mouth to respond, but Alex jumps in to say, "No, she's got this. Let me give you the tour."

You watch as Alex leads Joel upstairs, commanding his friend's attention. You swallow down the anger that rises in your throat at your fiancé's dismissal and return to the kitchen, gathering the place settings and arranging the table to his liking.

"It's a nice place," Joel says as the two men enter the living room, which opens to the kitchen and dining areas.

"All that work finally paying off," Alex comments. You roll your eyes, fighting the urge to mention that you were the one who fronted the down payment for Alex's choice of home in Texas. The oven beeps and you pull out the chicken parmesan that had been baking.

"Smells good," Joel comments. You look up, catching his eye. A wordless understanding passes between you, a quiet appreciation that makes your blood run hot.

You plate the food while your fiancé uncorks a bottle of wine and pours it into the wine glasses at each place setting. Alex settles in at head of the table and Joel takes the seat to the left, leaving you with the seat to Alex's right, across from Joel.

The three of you make small talk between bites of dinner and sips of wine. Alex asks Joel about the contracting work he's been doing, Joel asks him about his work at the new office and how he's settling in, being back in his home state. It's halfway through dinner that Joel looks to you and asks, "Are you excited for the wedding next month?"

"Of course," you reply, fingers tangling in the cloth napkin resting across your lap. "Planning it was a labor of love."

"Right, thanks for helping her with the cake, man," Alex chimes in.

Joel chuckles. "Helped with a lot more than just the cake."

"What do you mean?" Alex asks, glancing between the two of you.

"Well, I helped get the flowers, the cake, pickin' out the stationary. Dress shoppin'," Joel clarifies. Your stomach drops as Alex's jaw grows tense, his brow pinched as he nods and pastes on a forced smile.

"Wow, I didn't realize you'd been so involved," Alex says. He removes the napkin from his lap, setting it on the table. "Would you excuse us for a second?"

Alex stands, looking down at you expectantly. You smile at him and Joel in turn, but the expression feels hollow and you taste bile in the back of your throat. As soon as you're on your feet, Alex has a strong hand wrapped around your wrist, urging you along behind him as he makes his way towards the stairs.

Once he's reached your shared bedroom, he turns to you, eyes filled with rage. “What the fuck is that about?”

“What do you mean?” You ask. He laughs, the sound devoid of any humor.

“He helped you pick out your dress?” Alex paces the length of the bedroom like a caged animal and for the first time in your relationship with him, a frisson of fear courses through your veins. “You can’t possibly be that fucking stupid?”

“Excuse me?” You snap. “You told me to ask him for his help!”

“With the cake!” Alex shouts. “Not the entire goddamn wedding! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”

“You weren’t exactly offering much help, Alex!”

His eyes narrow. “I thought you would be perfectly capable of planning shit on your own, but I guess that was giving you too much credit.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask. “Why are you being such a fucking asshole right now?”

“Because you’re my fiancé, not Joel’s!” He steps in close, towering above you as he hisses, “Did you fuck him?”

“No!” You shout.

His eyes search yours and whatever he finds seems to extinguish his anger, his coiled muscles loosening. He grips your shoulders, pressing his forehead to yours.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “Why don’t you head back downstairs and I’ll stay up here for a minute to cool off, okay?”

The sudden switch leaves your head spinning but you manage to nod. Alex kisses your forehead and you take that as your cue to leave, escaping the confines of your room. In the hall, you grip the banister of the loft that overlooks the living room and take the first real breath in what feels like ages, your eyes squeezed shut as you try to calm your racing heart.

You return to the kitchen and Joel’s head snaps up when you enter. He rises from his seat at the table, rushing to your side.

“Are you okay?” He asks, low voice filled with concern, his brows pinched with worry. “What the fuck was that?”

“Just a misunderstanding,” you murmur, pushing past him.

“That’s bullshit,” he hisses. “Is he always like that?”

“Like what?” You sigh.

“An asshole. Yellin’ and threatenin’ you.” His fists are clenched at his sides. “He ever hit you?”

“What? No, of course not.” You take a deep breath, beating back the wave of tears pressing at the corners of your eyes. “He’s just got a lot going on with the move and work and the wedding.”

Joel is quiet, watching you with keen brown eyes that you, for once, wish weren’t focused on you. He steps close, voice low as he says, “Be honest with me, sweetheart.”

“I’m fine, Joel,” you tell him. The lie claws at your throat and sends your stomach into a tailspin. “I promise.”

Footsteps echo on the stairs and you step away from Joel, busying yourself with loading the dishwasher, clearing the counters, anything to keep your hands occupied and stop their shaking. Alex enters the kitchen with a sharp smile.

“Hey, man, sorry about that,” he says, clapping Joel on the shoulder. “I think we’re ready to call it a night. Ain’t that right, honey?”

You force yourself to keep your eyes on Alex as you smile and say, “Yeah, baby.”

“Let me walk you out, Joel,” Alex says. “Honey, say bye.”

“Goodbye, Joel.”

Joel: Hey

Joel: You having a good week?

Joel: Been a while. You doing okay?

Joel: You’ve been quiet

Joel: I need to know you’re okay.

Joel: Just let me know

Joel: Please

“Just two more days until you’re my wife,” Alex says, pressing a kiss to your lips. He smiles at you and you mirror the expression as best you can.

“I can't wait,” you reply.

"I gotta get going," Alex says. He presses a kiss to your cheek as he passes where you're sitting at the bar. "Love you."

"Love you," you repeat, out of reflex more than affection.

The front door slams shut and quiet settles over the house. All you want to do is crawl back into bed and pull the covers over your head in the hopes that it protects you from the way time continues to creep forward despite your uncertainties. Maybe, if you lay there long enough, time will move on without your involvement.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a heavy knock at the door. You’re not sure who it could be — your dad is scheduled to fly into town in the late afternoon and your friends arrive early tomorrow morning and you’re fairly certain you don’t have any deliveries scheduled. Sliding from the bar stool, you leave the kitchen to answer the door.

Joel stands on the other side of the threshold, haloed by the morning sun. For a brief moment, you wonder if you’re dreaming.

“What are you doing here?” You finally ask.

“Can I come in?” He replies, running a hand through his already messy hair. “I need to talk to you.”

You step aside and allow him to enter the hallway, shutting the door behind him. You avoid his gaze as you return to the living room with him following behind you. The silence that settles between the two of you makes you want to crawl out of your skin.

"Why haven't you been talkin' to me?" Joel asks. He takes a step closer, brown eyes searching yours for an answer you try to keep hidden.

"I've been busy," you say.

"Cut the bullshit," he snaps, surprising you. "Is it because of what happened at dinner?"

"No," you reply. Joel must sense the brief hesitation, hear the weakness in your voice. His eyes go soft, full of pity, and you can't fucking stand it. "Don't look at me like that."

"Look, I've known Alex a long time, and all those years weren't exactly peachy," he says cryptically. "I love him like a brother but even family ain't without faults.” He steps in close, his hands cradling your face in a delicate grip. “Tell me this is what you want," he demands. "Tell me that you're happy with Alex. Tell me that there's nothin' here between us."

The words are there, right on the tip of your tongue, but nothing can bring them to life. Your heart beats a frantic rhythm against your ribcage, the rush of blood in your ears the only thing you can hear. He leans closer, eyes dropping to your lips and you know what's about to happen next but you can't bear the thought of stopping him as he closes the scant distance between your mouths.

For the briefest moment, you allow yourself the chance to just feel. No thoughts, no panic, no worry. Just Joel's warm lips moving against yours, the trace of his palm from you cheek to behind your head, pulling you closer even though you're already tightly pressed to him. It's slow and deep, like he's trying to convince you down to your marrow that this is where you're supposed to be.

But it's not.

You push him away and he doesn't fight you, but the look he gives you damn near shatters your resolve. His eyes are dark, jaw tense, hands flexing at his sides like he's fighting the urge to reach out and pull you back, damn the consequences. Your eyes and throat burn with the effort of holding back the tears that threaten to spill.

"You need to leave," you whisper. "You can't do this, we can't do this. I'm getting married in two days, Joel!"

He runs a hand through his hair, pulling on the strands in frustration. "You think I don't know that? You think I don't lay awake at night thinkin' what a fuckin' asshole I am for fallin' in love with my best friend's fiancé?!" He shouts.

"This isn't love, Joel--"

"Don't," he snaps. "Don't you lie to me. I know it, you know it, hell, the fuckin' lady at the dress shop knew it!" He takes a deep breath. "I'm showin' you my whole hand here and you won't even lay down a goddamn card!"

"There is no card!" You shout.

"You kissed me back!" He counters.

You stare at each other for a long moment, like two scared, wounded animals. Eventually, one of you has to back down, retreat, lick their wounds until they've healed in a messy pattern of scar tissue that will serve as a painful reminder of what could have been.

Joel sighs, another pass of his hand through his hair as he says, "You know what? Fine." He turns to leave, the line of his shoulder lower, his head low.

A glutton for punishment, you call out, "Joel?"

"Yeah?" He asks, weary. Bone tired. You feel it, too.

"Will you still be there tomorrow?" You ask, unsure of which answer would be worse.

Another sigh. "Yeah. I'll be there."

The door slams shut behind him.

Your rehearsal dinner is torture.

This should be one of the happiest events of your life but all your energy is being directed at avoiding Joel like the plague. He moves through the crowd comfortably, having known many people in attendance for most of his life, and you feel like an unmoored boat, hoping a wave doesn't crash over you.

Alex sits beside you, drinking from a glass of whiskey as he talks to one of his uncles that has been praising him for landing the opportunity to work with such a prestigious law firm right after college. A dizzying rotation of people approach you through the night - friends who chatter excitedly about the big day tomorrow, aunts who ask when you think you'll have children, uncles who tell you that they're proud of you for landing such a successful, promising young man. It's those last comments that have you hiding a frown in your champagne glass.

It drags on forever, this constant stream of polite conversation and forced smiles. When you finally return to the hotel that you're staying at for the night, you start to feel like you can breathe again. You have a suite separate from Alex's for getting ready early in the morning and he walks you to your room, hand on your low back, a smile on his face.

"I'll see you in the morning," he says, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. "My almost wife."

The sentiment has bile rising in your throat and as he turns to leave you're blurting the words, "I can't do this."

"Sweetheart, you're just nervous," he says, voice surprisingly calm. He squeezes your shoulders. "You just need to sleep it off and everything will be fine in the morning."

"No," you tell him, shaking your head. "No, it won't be fine."

His smile drops, like a mask has just been removed. "Where is this coming from? Everything was fine at the rehearsal."

"Everything was not fine at the rehearsal!"

Alex takes the room key from your hands, unlocked the door and ushering you inside. He flicks on the light to the sitting area and takes a seat on the couch.

"What's going on with you?" He asks, exasperation dripping from his words. "What do you mean the rehearsal wasn't fine? Did you not like the food or something?"

You stare at him incredulously. "The problem wasn't the food, Alex! The problem is us!"

"There's no problem with us," he says. "Unless there's something you want to tell me?"

"What do you mean?" You ask.

He stands, coming close. "Is this about Joel?"

"No!" You snap, perhaps too quickly. "This isn't about Joel."

"Then what is it? Because as far as I know, we're a perfectly happy couple."

"Perfectly happy? Alex, you didn't even help me plan this wedding. Not a single minute of it."

"Not this again," he groans. "Sweetheart, let it go. I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you need to hear?"

Your jaw aches with how hard your teeth grind together as he dismisses you so easily. A deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth steadies you enough to say, "I'm not marrying you."

"Baby, please," Alex says. For the first time, he sounds panicked. "Don't make any rash decisions, alright? Whatever this is, we can work through it. If I lose you, I lose everything."

Maybe he's right. Maybe the stress of the last few months has just caught up to you.

"Okay," you whisper. He breathes a sigh of relief and presses another kiss to your temple.

"I love you," he says. "Everything will be okay after tomorrow. You'll see."

You don't say anything back, and he doesn't wait around for a response. He leaves your suite, the click of the door shutting loud in the late night silence. You stand there for who knows how long, wondering if he's right. Would everything be alright after tomorrow? Could you sweep those lingering feelings for Joel to the side in favor of the life you'd been building for the last few years?

You know what the safe choice is, but is it the right choice?

It's the morning of your wedding day and you've been poked and prodded with makeup brushes and your hair has been perfectly styled for the occasion. Flashbulbs have been going off on the cameras that are documenting your special day, capturing moments like your bridesmaids helping you into your dress and your dad's first look, a handkerchief clutched in his hand as he smiled at you.

For the first time in hours, you're alone in your suite. The makeup artist and hair stylists have packed up and taken their leave and your friends are downstairs, waiting for the limousine. You told them you would be just a minute longer.

A soft knock at your door has you realizing that you may have taken too long and you shout an apology as you rush to answer it. But it's not one of your friends on the other side like you had expected.

It's Joel.

Your mouth goes dry at the sight of him. His hair is styled, curls smoothed and slicked back into submission. His white shirt is a stark contrast to his navy blue tuxedo, matching bow tie tight around his neck. His boutonnière is slightly crooked where it sits pinned to his jacket lapel. He looks you up and down with a small smile.

"You look beautiful," he says. He reaches for your hand, fingers tangling with yours. Never quite folding together, but never quite letting go, either.

"Thank you," you whisper.

"Are you ready?" He asks. You wonder if he knows, if Alex told him or if he can just see it on your face.

"Yes."

It's a lie, one you've been repeating since your alarm went off this morning after a night of tossing and turning. His smile falters, but doesn't drop.

"Good, that's....good," he says. His hand leaves yours, and you feel like you've had an entire unspoken conversation that's left you both defeated. "Lets go get you married."

Joel Miller masterlist

All masterlists

divider graphic by @saradika-graphics.

[abbysbunny]

FOREVER • 🐿️

summery: a dinner with your girlfriends coworkers goes wrong 📞

warnings: angst, fluffy ending

notes: i love them sm:(

a few years ago your family had decided to go on a trip to new york, during that trip you met two girls who at the time you didn't know would absolutely change your life . for the three months you were in new york you saw them every day, you would go to their houses or go downtown with them, they'd take you shopping or bring you to fancy restaurants

now years later you lived in an apartment with them, when you met them you didn't know but they were both daughters of two rich and famous business men, Jerry Anderson a brain surgeon and Joel Miller a lawyer, meaning they had a lot of money . they bought a two floor flat just for you, just so you could stay with them

'we're going out to dinner tonight with a couple of our coworkers okay?' ellie said as she typed away on her computer, you sat on your shared bed scrolling on your phone, abby was beside you reading a book, her glasses on the tip of her nose . 'yeah okay' you mumbled, the truth is you didn't want to go, their coworkers always were mean to you, making jokes about how you were just a gold digger

the afternoon went on and soon enough it was time for dinner, once you arrived at the restaurant you sat down in the chair in-between them, ellie put her hand on your thigh, stroking it, everyone was talking except you, you didn't actually know any of the people there so you couldn't make any conversation, as you sat in the uncomfortable chair . you heard someone make a rude joke about how'd you'd leave your girlfriends if they're sales went down

the man laughed at his own joke as ellie and abby sat there in shock, you felt tears start to well up in your eyes and you quickly excused yourself from the table, you walked into the bathroom and locked yourself in, you didn't understand why they were so mean, was it because you were younger? you didn't know or care, all you wanted was some respect from them

you flinched as you heard a knock on the door, 'occupied' you shouted, 'baby open up it's us' you heard abby's voice, you sniffled and unlocked the door, they both came in and shut the door behind them, abby pulled you into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around you, ellie hugged you from behind, kissing your neck, a couple seconds later they both pulled away

abby cupped your cheek and pressed a gentle kiss against your lips . ellie snaked her arms around your waist and rested her head in your shoulder, 'you know we love you right?' abby whispered, you nodded and mumbled a quiet 'yeah', 'don't listen to what they say, we know you would never do that' ellie chimed in from behind you

she gave your neck once last kiss before abby opened the door, you all walked out of a the bathroom and went back the the table, you almost sat back down but you saw abby and Ellie take they're jackets from the chairs, 'we're heading out' abby announced, the man that made the cruel joke laughed, ellie rolled her eyes as she slipped her jacket on, 'shut the fuck up oh my god' she grabbed her bag and started to walk out the door

you and abby follwed her out, you got to the car and abby opened the back door for you, you put on your seatbelt as ellie started the car, abby sat in the passengers seat, she turned around to look at you, 'are you okay' she questioned, you nodded your head, 'yeah I just wanna sleep'

once you got home you took off your shoes and they did too, you all changed into some more comfortable clothes and laid in bed, you were comfortably sandwiched in the middle of them . 'i love you guys' you sleepily mumbled, they chuckled and abby stroked your back, 'we love you too angel' she said

you soon fell asleep, completely forgetting about the previous events of that night

[spelllingandthemysteryschool]

please GOD HELP ME. do you have any love poetry either single poems or book reccs im going THROUGH IT orz (<me curling up on the floor)

i’m picking you up off the floor and pressing this list of assorted love poems into your hand like a folded note. i hope you like them! 💌

to you and morning by frank o’hara

poem for my love by june jordan... honestly all of haruko/love poems (1994) is very good!

love (iii) by george herbert

on the reproduction of images by miriam alex

december by michael miller

o small sad ecstasy of love by anne carson

serenade by dilruba ahmed

amores (II) by ee cummings (the entire amores series, I through XI, are all so worth reading but this is my favorite of the bunch!)

my house by nikki giovanni

little crazy love song by mary oliver

romance by claude mckay

to revolt is to insist on joy by nur turkmani

there is only one of everything by margaret atwood (located on page 15 of this compilation!)

asking about you by eloise klein healy

love song by william carlos williams

poems for blok, 1 and where does such tenderness come from? / whence cometh such tender rapture? (< these are two different translations of the same poem and they are both striking lovely in their own way) by marina tsvetaeva

encounter in april by may sarton

we have not long to love by tennessee williams

laura, i want you pulling your hair back by natalie dunn

adore by li-young lee

you by carol ann duffy

after touching you, i think of narcissus drowning by leila chatti

summer was forever by chen chen

untitled by izzy wellwaterhysteria

and here is the new penguin book of love poetry (2003), borrowable via the internet archive!

[mrsevans90]

Puppy Love

Captain Syverson x OFC Emma Miller Part 1

Summary: Austin Syverson has returned to Texas after retiring from the military and starts his own contracting business. Syverson is used to being alone and thinks he prefers it that way. While at work he stumbles upon an injured and abused puppy. When he meets the new veterinarian in town, Emma Miller, he is immediately smitten with her. It turns out Emma has some baggage of her own. Will they be able to make it work? Or is it just a case of fleeting puppy love?

Pairing: Henry Cavill as Captain Austin Syverson x OFC Emma Miller 

Word Count: 3,502

Warnings: Abused animal, domestic violence, stalker ex-boyfriend, mention of nightmares/PTSD, smut in future chapters.

MINORS DNI! Must be 18+

I do not authorize any copying/pasting, stealing of my work, or using my words as your own. 

This story is not beta’d. All mistakes are my own.

A big thanks to @shellyshellshell for encouraging me to write this story!

A/N: I am an imperfect person who makes mistakes. All that I ask is to please be kind and if you enjoy it then please comment and REPOST! I appreciate any love, comments, and reposts more than you could know. Thank you for reading! 

*Syverson POV*

It’s certainly difficult to leave the cool air conditioning of the house to head to work when the weather forecast predicts another scorching Texas summer day where the humidity makes your clothes immediately stick to your skin. It’s nothing I’m not familiar with having grown up in Texas my whole life and then spending two tours in the desert before returning home. You’d think I would move somewhere cold, but the south is all I know. I certainly couldn’t leave Nana and Pawpaw either. After finishing my last tour, I came home and bought an empty house in disrepair and spent the better part of a year ripping it to studs and rebuilding. I was really struggling with returning to civvy life after spending the majority last ten years in the sand pit. Originally, I had just planned to fix up my house so that it was comfortable and hell, livable, until I discovered what I wanted to do outside of the army. Remodeling my house taught me that I really enjoyed working with my hands and building things. I guess you could say taking a broken, outdated home and making it beautiful and functional again really resonated with me on a deeper level. I was lucky to leave the army with only some mild PTSD and nightmares. Hell, I had all of my limbs and was alive which is more that I can say I deserve. Staying busy helped me cope so after working towards getting my contractor’s license, I decided to start my own company, Syverson Contracting. It was still a small operation with only about seven employees including my cousin Alex, but we got by just fine.

After getting ready for the day and sipping on my cup of coffee on the porch with my German Shepard, Aika, I put my boots on and headed to the truck for the first day on a new worksite. Like usual, I called Nana on the way to work to check in. My grandparents lived about fifteen minutes away from me, but I still called to check on them every morning and make sure they’re doing alright. As I drive, Nana starts chattering all about how her friend’s granddaughter is single and I should be looking for a good woman to marry and settle down with. We’ve had this conversation umpteen times before but I can’t seem to get it through my stubborn grandmother’s head that it’s useless. I’ve been burned by too many women in the past as a young and naïve man and I just don’t want to bring someone into all of my problems. Yes, I go to therapy at the VA to help with my PTSD but it still doesn’t stop the sleepless nights and nightmares that immediately send me back to wartime in the desert. As much as I’ve always wanted a partner in life; a beautiful wife to come home to, a couple of kids and the proverbial picket fence, I just don’t see how it could be in the cards for me now. I’m too fucked up. Nana of course would never understand and I certainly don’t want to drag her into it so I just listen to her drone on and on about some chick named Susanne and then tell her that I’ve got to go.

After speaking with my team and giving instructions for the job, I went to Alex’s flatbed truck and we all started unloading the materials. The home we were working on was owned by a young couple expecting their first child. It was a simple job, replacing the flooring throughout the house, building a shed in the backyard for lawnmowers and other garden tools, and repairing some dry rotting siding near the fireplace. The great thing about my team is that I could get them started and didn’t have to micromanage them. After several hours in the walloping sun, we all broke for lunch. After cooling off and reenergizing at the local Wendy’s, we all headed back to the house to continue our work. Since I was used to being in these weather conditions, I decided to head out toward the edge of the woods in the backyard and start building the garden shed. When I went to lift up some of the plywood, I was beyond shocked to find a shaking and filthy little tan dog who appeared to be injured and terrified.

“Shit. Heya buddy, I ain’t gonna hurt you. It’s alright pal. Let me take a look atcha.”

As a true animal lover, I was immediately enraged. Someone had intentionally abused this poor defenseless animal and either abandoned it or it was able to limp off to the woods. The little male pup, couldn’t be older than a year was bleeding from four different wounds on the side of his sand colored body. The second I scooped him up, he was whining and cowering in fear.

“You’re alright little man. I’m gonna take care of ya. Let’s see if we can getcha to a vet.” I call Aika’s vet office and unfortunately there is no answer. Janet must still be taking her lunch break.

I see Alex walking outside to grab some of the flooring to bring inside and yell for him to come here.

“What’s up, Sy?”

“Just found this little guy beat to hell by the woods.”

“Jesus. What kind of bastards do that to an animal?” Alex ponders as he was looking at the injured and sick animal. 

“I’m gonna see if Dr. Robinson’s in. Hopefully I can get the little feller in today but I need you to run the site until I get back.”

“No problem, Sy. Didn’t she just have another kid? I’m not sure if she’ll be there but I know Jessica said something about them hiring a new vet so I’m sure someone will be around.”

The veterinarian’s office was only a fifteen-minute drive from the site so after giving the poor thing some water, I loaded him up and drove there.

On the ride over, he seemed to relax a bit and not shake as bad as he had been and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Oh Austin! How good to see you! Did your Aika have an appointment?”

“Hey Ms. Janet, is Dr. Robinson in? It’s not for Aika. I found this guy by the woods and he’s been hurt something awful.”

“Heavens to Betsy! Poor little angel! Elizabeth is out on maternity leave but we’ve hired a new vet. You'll like her. Let me check with her and see if she can work you in.”

“Yes ma’am.”

A few moments later, Janet scurries back and directs me to an exam room with the little guy. I guess I could have just dropped him off and went back to work but my heart just couldn’t stand it. Hell, I fought to bring back Aika from Afghanistan because of how quickly I fell in love with her and she’s been the best dog ever. I can’t imagine leaving this little guy to potentially die from his injuries without a friendly face nearby.

*Knock Knock!*

The door opens and my heart stops at the same time. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen enters while carrying a clipboard and a stethoscope. She’s a petite little thing only reaching to my shoulders with long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, and crystal blue eyes that feel like they see straight to my soul.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Emma Miller. I hear you found this little guy in the woods?”

“Uh, yes ma’am. Hello there, I’m Austin Syverson. Yeah, I uh, I found him and he looks like he’s been abused.”

She smiles brightly and shakes my hand when I introduce myself and the moment I touch her soft skin, I can hardly think straight. Why the hell do I feel so jittery? It’s just a beautiful woman Sy. Get ahold of yourself. I tell her exactly what I found and she quickly starts examining him while speaking to him in a sweet voice.

“Hi sweet boy. You poor thing! I’m so sorry someone has been treating you so horribly. We’re going to take care of you, yes we are. You’re going to be good as new! I’m going to give you some fluids because you’re dehydrated little guy. Once we get some fluids in you, I’ll try giving you some food. How about that little man?”

I can’t help but smile as she baby talks to him while inserting an IV in his tiny arm and starting him on fluids. She examines the wounds more carefully before retrieving a pair of things that look like tweezers.

“If I had to guess, I would say this guy is about 10-12 months old. I suspect these wounds on his side are from a BB gun. Would you mind holding his head? I’m going to give him some pain relief in his IV to help him relax and then try and clean the area and see if I can remove them. We’re a bit short staffed at the moment with Dr. Robinson out and two of our techs calling in sick so I’ll need your help if that’s okay?”

“Fucking BB guns.” I murmur under my breath. Damn some people are just the worst.

“I’m happy to help.” I tell her quickly and take up residence next to the puppy’s head to hold him still.

“Thank you.” She replies quietly while concentrating on rubbing some brown cleaner across each wound.

I can’t help but watch her as she focuses on removing all four bb’s and placing them into a metal bowl. She’s so effortlessly beautiful and incredibly adorable as she works on the dog who seems to be feeling so much better with the medication and fluids that he has received. She sews up each wound quickly and efficiently. The pup seems to be almost as captivated by her as I am. When she’s done, he even attempts to wag his tail for her. Dr. Miller explains that he will need a flea and tick bath before she can dress the wounds because he has several fleas on him and she doesn’t want them getting into the incisions.

“Mr. Syverson, I hate to keep you from your day. Would you want to just come back for him in a little while? I have to do an exam on a yorkie with diabetes but then I’ll bathe him on my break and get his wounds dressed.”

“Sugar?” I ask.

“I’m sorry, pardon?” She responds a bit flustered.

I smirk as I see the blush tinting her cheeks. “The yorkie. Is it named Sugar?”

“Oh! Yes! Someone you know?”

“My grandma’s neighbor, Mrs. Clayton, has a yappy little yorkie named Sugar and I believe I overheard that it has diabetes.”

“Yes, well that would be her.” She smirks back.

“I don’t mind waiting with the little guy. Is it alright if I stay and help you bathe him? Since your short staffed and all?” I ask with my most charming smile.

Her beaming grin tells me all I need to know. “Sure, Mr. Syverson. Can you give me about twenty minutes?”

“Only if you’ll call me Austin or Sy. Mr. Syverson is my pawpaw.” I say with a grin.

“Alright Austin. I’m going to leave you with some wet food on the table for this little fellow, but can I trust you to only give him small amounts slowly? We don’t know when his last meal was so we don’t want to overwhelm his belly.”

“Yes ma’am.” I mock salute at her with two fingers and she giggles when she leaves the exam room. I swear the moment she did I was a goner. I need to find a way to hear that giggle more.

“Well little guy, it looks as though we are helping each other out, huh? You ain’t the only one broken and battered.” I say as I give the dog a small plastic spoonful of wet dog food that he almost swallows hole.

“What should I call you?” I hypothesize aloud while the pup continues eating sloppily from the spoon I’m holding.

“Since Dr. Miller here patched you up, how about Miller? We can call you Mills for short. What do you think about that? I like it.”

Emma finally returns to the exam room and is happy to see that the Mills has eaten the food I gave him and kept it all down. Due to the food, medications, and fluids he received you can already tell a slight difference in his demeanor.

“Let’s get you all cleaned up, shall we?” She says while carefully picking him up and carrying him to the back of the building before pausing. “You coming, Austin?” She asks.

God, I hope I will be soon. I think before I rush over to open the exam door for her and follow her to the back.

“You know, I’m breaking rules by letting you back here so don’t make me regret it.” She says to me teasingly as she carefully sets Mills into a large stainless-steel sink and begins to bathe him with medicated shampoo.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Dr. Miller.”

“No, if I have to call you Austin, you have to call me Emma. It’s only fair.”

“Well, Emma is a beautiful name so that will be easy. If you don’t mind my asking, where are you from? We haven’t had a new vet in town since Dr. Robinson came and that was probably ten years ago.” I watch as Emma carefully removes three ticks from his fur and want to outwardly cringe. Ticks are the devil’s bug.

“I’m from Alabama. I’ve only been in Texas for about a month but just started working in the office this last week.” She tells me as she very carefully continues to clean Mills.

“What brought you all the way out here? Did your husband get transferred out here or something?”

She side eyes my question with a smirk. “Nope, just the job. No husband or kids. No boyfriend either in case that was your next question.” She remarks sarcastically.

My stomach flips with excitement even though she caught on to what I was really fishing for.

“Well, I’m certainly glad you’re here. For Mills’ health needs of course.” I add quickly while gesturing to the pup.

“Mills?”

“Yup. Short for Miller, after the doctor who’s taking care of him.”

Her cheeks blush bright red as she runs a flea comb gently through his fur. “Well aren’t you just the charmer. I’m surprised Janet didn’t warn me about you. She’s been clueing me in on pretty much the entire town.”

“Ah, good ole’ Janet. She knows there’s no need to warn you about me. She’s known me since I was in diapers so that should tell you enough about my character if she didn’t warn you off.”

“That’s good to know. So, are you planning on keeping little Mills? Or are you wanting us to adopt him out once he’s all healed?”

“Oh, I plan on keeping him if that’s alright. As long as my girl, Aika, is okay with it I’ll keep him. Can’t imagine sending him off to a stranger after what he’s already been through.”

“Well, if your girlfriend isn’t on board with keeping him just let us know and we can see about arranging a foster for him until he’s able to be put up for adoption.” She says while stepping a little further away from me.

Girlfriend? Oh dumbass, you made her think Aika is your girlfriend.

“Aika’s my German Shepard. I don’t have a wife, kids, or a girlfriend either.” I said poking fun at her sarcastic comment from earlier.

Emma grins but just continues to rinse Mills off. She notices that one of his paws looks a bit swollen but she can’t find any cuts or wounds so she thinks it may just be bruised from trying to run from his abuser.

Once we get him dried off, I hold his head again for her to clean and dress the wounds on his side and I’m dreading leaving.

“So, I’ll need to see little Mills in 3 days to check his wounds and remove the stitches. I need you to clean and redress the wounds one time a day like I’ve shown you. I’ve got his medication and antibiotics here and a couple of cans of that wet food that you fed him earlier. I recommend continuing to feed it to him slowly so that his tummy doesn’t get upset. Nobody likes waking up to a dog throwing up or having diarrhea in the house. If he does okay with that food we can discuss increasing his food intake at the next appointment. Do you have any questions, Austin?”

“Just one. Can I get your number, Emma? You know, in case I have questions about your prodigy, Little Mills, here.” I add with a smirk.

“I’m sure you have the number for the vet’s office.” She smirks.

“That I do, but I’d like yours as well, please.” I ask with my most convincing smile.

“Alright, alright. Just don’t advertise it. The last thing I need is people like Mrs. Clayton calling me after hours.” She concedes with a giggle and I can’t help my boisterous laughter at the last part.

“Nobody wants someone like Mrs. Clayton calling them all the time. That woman would talk to a wall just to hear her own voice.” I hand her my phone and she quickly types her number and I save it under “Mills’ Future Mama” and smirk to myself.

I pay and make the next appointment for Mills and then head to the local pet store for a collar, leash, dog bed, and more dog food. Luckily, Mills sleeps on the ride home and I can’t decide if he’s finally realized I’m not going to hurt him or if he’s still drowsy from the effects of the meds he received. I head home and send Alex an update that I’ll be back at the site tomorrow.

When I get home, I bring everything inside before carrying Mills over to Aika and carefully introducing him. After the initial excitement wears off, Aika heads outside to the backyard and I’m relieved that she seems to accept him. She’s always been such a good dog so hopefully I can rely on her to show our little rookie around and teach him our routines.

I go about showering and eating dinner, but I can’t seem to get my mind off Emma. I obviously want to play it cool but she has infiltrated my mind to the point where I just can’t think of anything else. I know this is a bad idea but I can't stop myself. I decide to take a picture of Mills in his little bed and text it to her.

Sy: <attached image>

Mills’ Future Mama: I’m glad to see my namesake is adjusting to his new life. I take it that his sibling accepts him?

Mills’ Future Mama: Also, you’re lucky I opened that picture text. Typically receiving a picture from an unknown number is never a good thing 😖

Sy: Sounds like your mind is in the gutter or you have some seriously unhinged acquaintances, darlin. Aika has accepted him into the pack without hesitation.

Mills’ Future Mama: More like, men are nasty and will take any opportunity to send an unsolicited dick pic to even the most unwilling recipients. Glad you found the little guy. He seems right at home.

Sy: He is. You should come visit him sometime.

Mills’ Future Mama: Why would I do that when he’ll be in my office in three days?

Sy: Maybe to see his owner?

Mills’ Future Mama: I’d imagine his daddy will be the one bringing him back to my office though?

Sy: Alright then, how about I make you some dinner at my place? Say tomorrow at 5pm?

Mills’ Future Mama: Make it 5:30 and I’ll be there. Just know I’ll be sending your information to my best friend in case you try and murder me.

Sy: What type of people were you surrounded by in Alabama? 🤨

Mills’ Future Mama: I was actually in a super safe town. Just watch too many crime shows to make careless mistakes.

Sy: Smart lady. You can tell whoever you want, darlin’. I’ve got nothing to hide and I appreciate a woman who has some self-preservation skills.

Mills’ Future Mama: Trust me, I’m very skilled at many things. 😜

Sy: Damn woman, I’m trying my best to be a gentleman here. It’s not fair to tease me.

Mills’ Future Mama: Not teasing. Just stating facts. 🙃

Sy: Tomorrow can’t get here soon enough. Here’s my address. Any food allergies?

Mills’ Future Mama: Nope! I’ll bring dessert. I’m interested to test your cooking prowess.

Sy: You’re killing me.

Mills’ Future Mama: See you tomorrow!

Part 2

Taglist: @shellyshellshell @henryownsme @caramariehurst @beck07990 @mollymal

[cinnamongorll]

Wildflower - chapter 4

read on ao3 🤍 previous chapter 🤍 masterlist 🤍

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female OC Synopsis: Joel Miller is an infuriating constant in Alex’s life. As her dad’s best friend and smuggling partner, she can’t seem to avoid him no matter how hard she tries.  When a weapons trade off goes wrong and Alex becomes the next target in a dangerous revenge vendetta, Joel is forced to uphold the promise he made to his friend to protect his daughter from the dangers of the post-apocalyptic world. But when Alex and Joel reluctantly grow closer, and she starts to peel back the layers of animosity between them, Alex realises that nothing is what it seems and that trusting Joel might be more dangerous than anything outside the QZ walls. Series tags: dbf!Joel, age gap (Joel is late 49, FMC is 26), older man/younger woman, slow burn, enemies to lovers, mean Joel, protective Joel, dark Joel, sexual tension, smut, mutual pining, feral Joel, first person pov, angst, more tags to be added, ultraviolence Joel. Chapter warnings: graphic descriptions of violence. Word count: 4.2k

________________________

Chapter 4:

In the dark, damp apartment, I stand in the corner with my back against the wall. Beads of sweat slide down my spine, plastering my t-shirt to my skin.

A strangled yell fills the small room.

Joel’s fist is a flash of tanned skin as it meets the chin of the man brutally tied to a wooden chair. His head ricochets off the back and a deep groan spills through the gaps in his rotted teeth. The strong purple bruise forming under his skin is masked by the trails of blood that already leak from his broken nose.

Joel steps backwards, carefully massaging his knuckles, preparing his hand for another blow. 

I clench my fists to stop my body reacting to the harsh display of pain, but I can’t stop my face from cringing as my eyes flash to the door. Any second now, someone could start rattling at the handle, demanding to know what was going on in here. Or worse, enforcers could come and kick the door down, without a word of warning.

I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans as my eyes find Joel’s back. Muscles ripple under his shirt as he staggers forward with two brutal steps and grips the collar of the bleeding man. 

He grunts as Joel pulls him upwards. I watch as his eyes spark with fear and my own pulse quickens with the threat of Joel’s next move. 

“Now, I’m gonna ask you one more time,” Joel explains in a slow, sinister tone. “Did you sell us out?”

“Joel, I swear -”

The hit happens so quickly, I don’t even see Joel pull back his arm before another spout of blood is pouring from the man’s face. 

My hands are trembling as they cover my mouth. But I can’t look away. 

As a man of his word, Joel doesn’t ask again. Instead, he tightens his fist around the man’s collar and uses his free hand to capture the gun from his back pocket. 

His name forms in my mouth, desperate to release. But I choke. 

It’s too late, anyways. The barrel of Joel’s gun is pressed against the man’s head. 

“Shit, Joel. Fine! Fine!” he shouts, then coughs and a mixture of blood and spit slides down his chin. “I was in the city. They ambushed me, they knew your names. I just told them that you were in the QZ, nothing else. I swear I didn’t know -” 

I jump when Joel clicks the safety off. My fingers curl against my lips. 

“Didn’t think to warn us?” Joel asks in a low growl as he pushes the gun harder into the man’s bloodied temple. 

The apartment is silent apart from the heavy, ragged breathing of the man caught between death and Joel’s mercy. I press my back harder into the wall behind me, praying that the fading wallpaper will swallow me up. 

“How was I supposed to know that they’d - they’d -” 

“Kill Ivan?”

The shock of hearing my dad’s name buckles my knees and my hand seeks refuge on the wall to hold myself up. 

Boots lifted from the ground, a thick rope and a bent neck splatter across my mind like the blood still attached to my skin, reminding me just how soiled this day has made me. 

The silence stretches towards its breaking point. 

I glance back over at the man who forms another puzzle piece in the mystery of my dad’s death. He coughs again, a deep throaty cough that makes me flinch. 

“Joel, come on,” he croaks. “Think of everything I’ve done for you.” 

Joel answers in a menacing laugh under his breath.

“Everything you’ve done for me?” he echos, his voice lower. 

The gun is still against the man’s head. I shift my feet, my eyes flash between his face and Joel’s arm. 

The man meets my eyes. I freeze. A cold, frightened blue sends shivers across my skin. My hands palm the wall. 

Before I can release the pankicked breath housed in my dry mouth, the man is struck across the face by Joel’s gun.

“Don’t look at her,” Joel barks. “She ain’t gonna help you.” 

My heartbeat stutters. Blood pounds in my ears, drowning out the groans from across the room. I squeeze my eyes shut. Blackness absorbs my vision. 

“Please,” the man coughs out, with another splatter of blood on the floor. “What do you want?” 

My eyes open slowly, carefully. I’m wondering this too. 

Joel’s hand roughly grabs the man’s chin, digging his fingers into the stubbled flesh. My teeth bite down on my lower lip. 

“I want a way out,” he demands, his accent thick as he lowers his voice. 

“You already know the way out -”

The man’s words are cut off by Joel’s release of his face, which sends his head flying backwards and smacking off the wood of the chair with a sick cracking noise.

“They were waitin’ for us in the fuckin’ tunnel. There’s no gettin’ out of there now,” Joel growls. “But there is another way out. Where is it?” 

The man groans, blinking rapidly. “There’s no other way,” he murmurs, then swallows roughly. 

My spine straightens as I wait for Joel’s next blow, but it doesn’t come. 

Joel is silent for a long moment, and I know that there must be some element of truth glimmering in the man’s eyes.

The weight of the time we’re wasting is starting to press down on my shoulders, weakening my stance and accelerating my heartbeat. I never thought I’d ever be so desperate to get out of the QZ, but so far the threat here is stronger than outside. 

Joel turns to the side, towards the window, and I catch a glimpse of his clenched jaw and startled eyes. 

“You gotta be kiddin’ me,” he says under his breath before turning back to the man. “How’d you do it?”

Without missing a beat, the man replies: “The trucks.”

The trucks?

“Two leave in the morning, first thing. They travel into the city, patrolling to try and catch people like us or to keep track of the infected. But they always return before dark,” the man explains slowly, wincing in pain. “If you can get into the trucks before they leave, they’ll get you out of the QZ.”

There’s a brief pause before a deep sigh rolls out of Joel’s mouth. 

“That’s the most idiotic fuckin’ plan I’ve ever heard.”

“It works, okay? I’ve done it before,” the man huffs out. 

“And how do I know you’re not leadin’ us into another trap?” Joel demands, purposefully shifting his gun in his hand. 

The man narrows his eyes, his lip twitching as he thinks through his response. He’s one wrong move away from a bullet in the head, and he knows it. 

“From the looks of it,” he begins, flashing his eyes to me in the corner. “You don’t really have any other option but to believe me.” 

He’s right. The city is on lockdown. We’re hours if not minutes away from getting caught… by the enforcers or whatever group is hunting us. We don’t have another option. 

Joel’s back is tense. The seconds tick by. I’m swallowing down the lump in my throat. 

“Joel,” I croak. 

“Joel” I try again, finally catching his attention when his head reluctantly turns towards me. “We should do it,” I say, trying to inject some confidence in my voice. 

His eyes darken, turning black as he works his jaw. My lips part and my spine straightens, fearful of what lurks in that sinister glare. 

“You should listen to her, it’s the only way,” the man interrupts, snapping the tension with the sharp reminder of reality. 

I stop breathing when Joel rolls his shoulders. The air is leached from the room.

One second is all it takes. Joel’s knuckles strike his face with a strength he had clearly been holding back before. 

I don’t cry out this time, I’m expecting it. Over the years, I’ve picked up a variety of Joel’s tells, although I’d never let him know how much time I’ve spent analysing the intricacies of his facial expressions and body language. 

With the force of the blow, the chair tips over, sending the man crashing to the floor with a thud that has my head whipping towards the door. My heartbeat starts to drown out the groans coming from the man’s bleeding lips. 

I turn back towards Joel to find him crouched over the man. His gun is on the ground beside him. With a pace that could be described as leisurely, Joel reaches behind him to pull the knife from his back pocket.

His fingers dig into the man’s hair, pulling his head upwards. He is barely conscious, just drooling blood and moaning in one long, continuous, chilling sound. 

Without thinking, I start walking forward. Slowly, like I’m approaching a wild beast in an attempt to tame it. 

“What are you doing?” I question, my voice a choked whisper. 

Joel turns to stone. His fist is clenched around the knife.

“Don’t - He gave us the information. Just let him go,” I stutter, desperately scrambling for any words that will keep me from witnessing another death today. 

My hands rub against my jeans, using the feeling of the rough material on my skin to ground me. There’s a voice in my head that begs me to give up on everything. Walk over to the wall and slide down it until I hit the floor, curl up in a ball and wait for someone to find me. Or better yet, kill me. 

But if I could save this one person from Joel’s wrath, from the death that has stained this day, then maybe I would be strong enough to keep going.

Joel is silent. I don’t know how to translate what’s going on in his mind. 

I take another step towards him. Joel’s hand twitches. I stop. 

“Come on. We know a way out now. Let’s just go,” I plead. I’m standing so close to him now, my hand aches to reach out and touch his shoulder, remind him of his humanity. 

Another groan rumbles from the man’s mouth. 

“Alex,” Joel warns roughly. “Turn around and face the wall. Cover your ears.”

I choke on my breath. 

“Joel - ”

“Now.”

His voice is a clipped bark and I start moving immediately, obeying his grimm orders.

My vision grows blurry as I take quick, careful steps over to the wall. I wipe my trembling hands on the same rough fabric that brought me comfort only moments ago. 

“Cover your ears,” Joel commands from across the room. 

My hands slap over my ears, pressing harder and harder until all I hear is static and my own erratic breathing. I squeeze my eyes shut and see, all at once, my dad’s broken neck, the bullet wound in Theo’s head, the enforcers’ dead bodies, and the knife that Joel is currently driving into the man’s temple. 

Tears leak from the corners of my eyes, trailing down my blood stained skin. But my sorrow can’t wash away the horrors I've witnessed. 

A hand plants down on my shoulder and I cry out, whipping my body around and raising my hands to defend myself. 

Joel glares at me as he captures my wrists in his large, dangerous hands. 

My eyes are wide as they scan his face, searching for a hint of remorse. I find none, only cold stoicism. 

His palms tense around my skin but he doesn’t let go. My heart is pounding out of my chest. 

“Why did you kill him?” I ask in a single, rushed breath. 

Joel’s eyes narrow before looking down at my wrists caged in his scarred hands. A strange look appears in his black gaze but it disappears instantly and he drops my arms. 

A cold chill attacks my wrists without the heat of his touch. 

I blink up at him. Joel looks away. The tension returns to his jaw.

“He sold us out once, he’ll do it again. You can’t trust anyone,” he states, in a matter of fact tone. Joel’s eyes meet mine again and I see a hint of irritation, as though he’s explaining something very simple to a child. 

“But I should trust you?” I ask in a voice just above a whisper.

Joel grinds his teeth, digesting my words. 

I prepare myself for the lash of his usual anger. The growled words, the threats of abandonment. But they don’t come.

Instead, Joel scans my face with those black, inscrutable eyes, roaming over the dried blood, my furrowed eyebrows, my parted lips.

“Yes,” he murmurs in a low, gravelly voice. 

But you’re a killer! I want to scream at him but I swallow it down.

My head drops in a nod. Joel releases a breath and steps away from me quickly, as though he hadn’t realised how close he was. 

I pretend not to notice that he’s blocking my exact eyeline of the body at the back of the room. He’s probably just doing it to keep me from breaking down and delaying his plans. 

Joel looks towards the window and runs a hand through his hair, tugging at the strands. 

“We’ll wait till dark then head to the trucks. Gotta be careful bout this,” he instructs. 

Panic wraps itself around my throat. 

“What if we get caught? They’ll kill us,” I protest, crossing my arms over my chest and squeezing hard. 

Joel scratches his head and rolls his shoulders.

“We won’t get caught,” he insists, then his eyes flash to mine. “Trust me.”

………………..

It’s after midnight by the time we leave the dead man’s apartment. 

The streets are infested with enforcers. They roam each corner with their guns and spotlights, reducing the shadows we’re able to hide in. 

I try not to think about the pile of bodies we left in that dim stairwell. 

Joel’s hand is wrapped around my wrist again, pinning me to his side as he expertly finds us shelter in building hallways and shaded porches. 

I’m doing what he’s asked of me; I’m trusting him to get us out of here alive. 

Most doors we pass have busted locks or cracks lining the wood; scars from enforcer raids earlier that day. Guilt rises in my throat. 

I wonder if my dad was scared his first time leaving the QZ. Did he fear getting caught? Did he put his trust in Joel too? Is that what eventually killed him?

I shake these thoughts from my head and focus only on calming my breaths and keeping up with Joel’s quick, purposeful steps. 

After a few near misses with the enforcers spotlights, we finally make it to the QZ gates. 

Joel has me pressed up against the darkened wall of a nearby building, one hand wrapped around my waist, the other flat against the mossy brick. 

His breaths rattle through me with the imprint of his chest on mine, and I struggle to calm my pounding heart. 

Joel scares me. He frightens me now more than he ever has before. 

Before all of this, he was my dad’s friend, his smuggling partner. I knew he was a bad man but I didn't know just how rotten he truly was. Now, what makes him frightful is the only thing keeping me alive. 

At any moment, I wonder when he’s going to weigh up the vow to my dad and the effort of saving me and decide that it’s not worth it. 

But I can’t think about that just now. 

“Most enforcers are on the streets so it should be quiet by the trucks,” Joel murmurs into my ear. 

Shivers crawl down the back of my neck. I press harder into the wall behind me. 

Joel gives my waist a light squeeze to capture my attention. “You hear me?” he breathes against the shell of my ear. 

“Mmhm,” I reply, unable to form words with the strange intoxication of Joel’s proximity. 

I can feel him roll his eyes. 

“There’s canvas over the trucks’ cargo beds,” Joel continues, his fingers twitching against my waist. “We’re gonna climb into one and wait till mornin’.”

My mouth opens but I swallow down my original response. My eyelids shutter closed.

We’re going to die.

We’re going to get caught and strung up like my dad. This is pointless, I can’t -

“Hey,” Joel cuts off my inner turmoil, his voice uncharacteristically soft. 

I open my eyes to find that he’s pulled back and is scanning every inch of my face. 

“Don’t do that,” he commands. “If you lose focus, it’s over. Forget bout all of it til we get outta here.” 

I swallow rough and try to shift out of his hold, uncomfortable with the intensity of his gaze. Joel just tightens his grip on my waist and uses his other hand to lightly tap my cheek, keeping my focus on him. 

When I meet his eyes, I see my own grief reflected in them. His guard is down and, in the dark abyss around his pupils, my pain is his pain. 

I blink and it’s gone. 

“Got it?” Joel demands, his harsh, uncaring tone has returned. I flinch at the sound of it.

He notices. 

Joel detaches himself from me once the spotlight has cleared the building we’re sheltered against. He’s avoiding eye contact, every window is boarded shut. 

I gasp when he grabs my wrist and pulls us into the open. I blink rapidly, trying to adjust to the darkness. 

The trucks are parked at the gate. Joel was right, there’s nobody here. 

There’s minimal light by the gate, sending a dull, yellow illumination over the vehicles. Joel pulls me over to the first truck, not easing the grip on my wrist until we stand at the cargo bed. 

“Grab that side, get ready to pull it up,” Joel orders in quiet, clipped words, nodding towards the canvas. 

My heart is in my throat as I scramble to grip the edge with my trembling fingers. I can feel the weight of the darkness around me, and the silence that seems impossible. Everything today has been a narrow miss, this shouldn’t be so easy.

“Stop!” a voice roars from the building beside us. 

I freeze. My fingers hover over the canvas material. A wave of dizziness pours over me. 

This is it. 

I release a shuddering breath as the guard marches over. 

“Don’t say a word,” Joel commands under his breath. From the corner of my eye I can see that his arms are raised above his head, submitting entirely to the threat of the enforcer. I do the same, lifting my arms and biting down on my bottom lip hard enough to hurt.

The enforcer’s boots are heavy as he approaches, shining his torch over the truck bed, illuminating our crime. 

“What’re you doing out here?” he barks. 

I know the barrel of his gun is pointed towards me, I can feel the awareness of my inevitable bullet wound spark across my back. 

I bite down harder on my lip, tasting blood. My breaths are rushing out at an erratic pace as I tear through my thoughts to find some memory to end this life with. 

A sharp ringing noise invades my ears, turning the enforcer’s words into a dull murmur as I close my eyes, squeezing hard, waiting for the bullet to find me. 

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

I’m still alive. 

Why am I still alive?

I open my eyes, blinking a few times to clear my blurry vision. My whole face trembles as I look towards Joel. 

He’s gone. 

I whip my head around. Air whooshes in my ears. 

Joel stands behind me with his arm wrapped around the enforcer’s neck. His gun is on the ground and his flashlight has rolled towards the truck tire, painting everything around us in a grimm shadow. 

I don’t have time to cry out. I don’t have time to cover my eyes. I see that flash of hunger in Joel’s dark gaze and hear the sick crunch of the guard’s neck. 

Is that what my dad’s neck sounded like? 

Nausea attacks my stomach and I sway on my feet. 

“Alex,” Joel says, his voice breathless. “Alex, look at me.”

It takes everything in me to swing my focus back to Joel’s face. He’s holding onto the guard’s dead body, pulling him up as his feet start to drag on the ground. 

“I need you to open the truck bed, quickly,” Joel orders. 

My eyebrows furrow and I blink slowly, unsure I’ve heard him right. 

“What?” I ask, barely hearing my own voice above the ringing in my ears. 

The look in Joel’s eyes hits me like frigid water. 

“Open the truck, now.”

I turn and scramble with the canvas, using every bit of strength in my body to pull it back. 

“What are you doing?” I demand, finally finding my voice as I step away from the truck. 

Joel starts dragging the guard over to the truck bed. “Grab his legs,” he commands. 

Without thinking, I reach out and put my hands under his legs, pulling them into the air. Joel takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders, and rolls the guard into the truck bed, his arms shaking with the weight. 

When the guard is on the truck, I stumble backwards, desperate to be as far away from the body as possible. My mind is swimming with the anticipation of the next gun that’ll be trained on me. 

“They’ve found us, we - we’re dead,” I stutter out as my fingers find my temples.

“Listen,” Joel says and pauses to let me hear the silence that surrounds us. “No one else is comin’. We gotta get in the truck.” 

“But the -” 

“We’re not leavin’ a dead body for the guards to find. It’s comin’ with us” Joel explains as he bends down to collect the man’s gun and torch, tossing them into the truck. 

I start shaking my head. “No, no, no, no.” 

Joel lets out a sound, somewhere between a groan and a growl and strides towards me, placing his hands around my head, stilling my movements and focusing my attention on him. 

“I made a fuckin’ promise to your dad. You’re gettin’ on that truck and I'm gettin’ you outta here,” Joel declares, curling his fingers into my hair. 

“I can’t,” I sniff, feeling weaker than I ever have before. 

Joel’s eyes fly upwards and a muscle jumps in his jaw. But he doesn’t shout, he doesn’t rage. “Alex, you gotta do this sweetheart,” he murmurs. 

My eyes flash open at the sound of the nickname he’s always teased me with. For the first time, the word actually sounds genuine as it leaves his lips. 

I think of my dad. I think of what he’d want for me: death by hanging or a chance at escape. 

“Okay,” I breathe. 

Something resembling relief flashes in Joel’s eyes. 

His hand is on my wrist again, pulling me towards the truck. Joel bends, locks his palms together and places them for me to step on. I don’t think about what is waiting for me in the truck bed, I grab hold of the edge of the truck and step into Joel’s hand. In one strong movement, I’m boosted onto the truck… and onto the dead body. 

My mouth opens in a silent scream, the horror is locked in my throat, restrained by my fear of getting caught. 

I crawl off him, scrambling under the canvas hood to the corner of the truck bed. 

Joel gets in after me, narrowly missing the body, before expertly turning and placing the canvas back over his head and pinning it to the edge of the truck bed, as if we were never here. 

With the canvas hood closed, we descend into complete darkness. 

Despite being unable to see the body, I know it’s here, inches away, reminding me of every other death I’ve been a part of today. 

In the dark, the body could be my dad’s, Theo’s… 

The cry that I’d strangled comes rushing forward and I slam my hands over my mouth to muffle the sound. 

“Shh,” Joel whispers from beside me. 

I jump, hitting my head off the canvas. 

“Relax,” he orders, shifting to lie down beside me, pushing me into the edge of the truck bed, away from the body. 

It’s too late, my sorrow has been unleashed, I can’t rein it back in. 

My whole body is shaking. My teeth begin to chatter.

“Shit,” Joel drawls. His voice inches away from my ear. 

In the darkness of the truck bed, there’s nothing to dispel the ghosts that surround me. They’re piling onto me, crushing me down into the metal surface, suffocating me with their agony. 

A hand slides around the curve of my waist, anchoring me reality, dragging me away from the gravesite in my mind. 

“Breath in,” Joel murmurs against the shell of my ear, his lips touching my skin. 

Shocked by his command, I inhale a shaky breath. 

“Hold it,” he orders. 

I listen to the sound of his heartbeat against my back. 

“Release,” Joel says, his voice a breathy whisper as the air slowly leaves my lungs. 

My pulse begins to slow.

“Good girl,” he praises as my breaths even out and my panic subsides. 

Joel’s approval feels strange, unnatural even. But I can’t deny the warmth that spreads through my body when the words leave his lips. 

Eventually, my eyelids close and I stop listening for sounds outside the truck. 

Joel’s heartbeat echoes through my body, each beat reminding me that I’m alive, that I’m not another dead body in this truck.

____________________

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Just Friends, Chapter Two:

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: E (mentions of sex/masturbation but no real smut until next chapter, pining, infidelity, angst if you look hard enough, joel is a lover boy)

wc: 4.1k

series masterlist | joel masterlist

“Baby.”

You wake to the sound of your boyfriend behind you, pressing himself against you as he burrows his face in your neck, his lips on your skin.

Maybe if you hadn’t just been rudely awakened from a dream involving a different man you would be more interested, but you aren’t. Groaning, you shake your head and burrow your face further into your pillow.

“C’mon, baby,” Will continues, his hand rubbing over your hip. “I’m hurting over here.”

“That’s not my job,” you mumble. He scoffs just like he always does when you deny him, and you want to feel bad but don’t.

“Gonna go take a shower then,” he says, climbing out of bed. You watch him as he mopes into the en-suite, wondering what it is about him that prevents you from loving him like you probably should by now. After all, it hadn’t always been this way.

You met him shortly before you arrived to Jackson, his group consisting of him, his little brother, Alex, and your closest friend, Josie. They offered you a family, and eventually, you and Will fell in love.

It was quick. You hardly know exactly when it began, but once it started, you were locked in.

You liked his smile, his sense of humor. He was like a best friend—in a lot of ways he was your best friend—and it was easy. He was charming, and kind, and in love with you. There wasn’t much more to want.

Until there was.

You were standing with Will when Joel and Ellie rode into town with the rangers. You’ll never forget his booming voice as he called out for Tommy Miller or the hug they shared. You watched them as they held each other, moved to tears by the love there—though when Will teased you about it you insisted it was from the chill breeze.

When you saw him later on at the dining hall, you felt a heat creep into your cheeks as you realized that greying mess of hair on his head had fooled you. He wasn’t old, he was…mature. He had lines in his forehead and beneath his eyes, but he carried a youth to him that you couldn’t explain. Maybe it was his eyes.

Those big, brown eyes.

Your breath hitched when he spotted you across the room with your empty plate in your hand, hovered over the trash can. He looked annoyed at first but you quickly realized he was just on edge. Then just as quickly as he looks at you, he looks away and stabs his fork into a piece of meat.

You didn’t see him for a while after that. Not until this spring when he and Ellie returned from their “trip”. You knew almost immediately why things had fizzled with Will. It wasn’t anything he was doing, it was simply the fact that he didn’t stir anything in you anymore. Not the way the quiet and mysterious Joel Miller did.

As Will showers, you get out of bed and begin getting ready for your own workday. You didn’t have the stomach for patrol, so you found work in the mornings at the greenhouse harvesting and at the general store in the afternoon, allowing you some much appreciated time away from Will everyday.

You dress for the August weather, Jackson’s northern climate keeping the summers under 85 degrees. Throwing on a pair of shorts, a white tank top, and your favorite pair of boots—a product of your assimilation to Jackson—you sneak into the en-suite where Will is still showering to quickly brush your teeth and mumble a goodbye before heading out of the house.

The summer is fading, you can feel it in the chill of the morning as your boots crunch against the paved dirt road leading from your street to the center of town. You can already feel the loss of warmth in your bones, the isolation of another Jackson autumn slowly creeping in again even as the sun shines on you.

How many falls have you made it through? How many of them clawed you to shreds inside? It was hard to remember how you managed to pull yourself out of it before, but you were certain that somehow, you’d manage it again.

“Happy birthday.” Joel’s voice is distinct and makes you turn around as soon as you hear it. You manage a smile, softer and more fragile than your usual one, but it’s enough to bring one to Joel’s face as well. “Headin’ to work?”

“Thank you, and yeah,” you nod, stopping to wait for him as he hurries to meet you.

“You at the store or the greenhouse?” he asks, tucking his hands in his pockets as the two of you continue on.

“Greenhouse until twelve, store until five,” you reply, a more sincere smile finding its way onto your face as the two of you walk together like old friends. “You going on patrol?”

“No, just goin’ to help Tommy at his place. He’s tryin’ to build a crib for the baby.” You nod, concealing your own feelings about having children in the middle of an apocalypse. “What time should I show up to your party tonight?”

You grin, looking ahead of you as two men you knew by face but not by name carry a wooden beam across the road. “You can show up whenever,” you say, nudging his elbow with yours. “You’re always welcome to come help me set up.”

Joel laughs and nods.

“Always a catch, ain’t there?” He smiles at you in a way that he never had before and you struggle to decode the hidden meaning of it. “That boyfriend of yours ain’t gonna be around to help?”

“He’s got patrol until six and that’s when I was hoping to start everything,” you explain. “Don’t want people at my house all night.”

“No?” You shake your head. “Like your quiet too much?”

“It’s my favorite thing,” you reply. “Yours too, I’ve noticed. Aside from the occasional Merle Haggard record you play.”

“What do you know about Merle Haggard?” he asks with a smirk.

“I know a little about a lot of stuff, Miller.” You bump into him unintentionally, or maybe not. Joel chuckles at you and then let’s out a long exhale as the two of you arrive at Tommy’s house. “Well, this is your stop.”

“Yep,” he agrees, shuffling his feet as he stands there, making you wait in anticipation for whatever he’s struggling to say. “Should I, uh, should I get dressed up for this party?”

“I wouldn’t mind seeing that,” you flirt against your better judgment, delighting in the flush that creeps onto his face. Reaching your hand over, you pat his arm before returning it to your back pocket. “Wear whatever. Just come.”

Joel seems to be speechless as he stares at you, his lips parted to speak but nothing coming out.

“Well,” you let a quick shaky breath escape. “Guess I should be going.”

“Yeah,” he nods. “I’ll see ya around five, then? Since I’m helpin’ you set up.”

“Oh, that was just a joke. I can handle it—“

“No,” he shakes his head and smiles. “I’ll be there.”

You smile down at your feet before lifting your head again.

“Cool. See ya there, then.”

Joel chuckles and shakes his head before pointing at the house.

“Well—“

“Hey, y’all,” Tommy emerges from his front door and waves at you from his porch. “You helpin’ too?”

“No,” Joel answers for you. “It’s her birthday. She shouldn’t have to spend it workin’. Should give her the day off.”

“Joel,” you chuckle, amused by his attempt at helping you into a day off.

“No, he’s right. Go home and relax,” Tommy says, smiling at you.

“You sure?” you ask.

“Long as I get an invitation to this party you’re throwin’ tonight.”

You laugh and nod. “Of course. Bring Maria too if she feels up to it.”

“Sounds good,” he nods before turning to Joel. “I’ll see you inside.”

“Alright,” Joel says. You watch Tommy head back inside before turning to Joel.

“You didn’t—“

“Hush,” he says, smirking at you. “So, how are you gonna spend your day now that you’re freed up?”

Thinking about you.

“Probably just catch up on some reading. Maybe go work on my garden.”

“Well, take it easy,” he says. “Don’t wanna tire yourself out before your party.”

“How can I be tired when I’m so excited to see you all dressed up for me?” you say, smirking at the blush that returns.

“Go home,” he says playfully.

“Alright, I’ll stop keeping you from your hard work.” Joel laughs and nods.

“Yeah, my hard work.”

Sucking in a breath, you turn to head back in the direction you’d come from, but Joel’s voice stops you before you get too far.

“Hey, if I’m gettin’ dressed up for you, you gonna dress up for me?”

You felt like you hallucinated the question, but when you turned to look at him, he was smiling, waiting for you answer.

“Of course, Joel,” you grin. “Just for you.”

He can’t get you out of his head as he sands the finished crib out in Tommy’s backyard, his brother rambling on about some carpentry class he’s starting for the town. He thinks about your smile, the unmistakable flirting that occurred earlier this morning. If he were a more confident man, he’d feel secure in knowing that whatever crush he had on you was reciprocated, but he knows it wouldn’t change anything.

“So?” Tommy asks, pulling Joel into the present.

“So what?” he says, wiping his brow.

“So will you teach a few classes?” Tommy asks, as though it wasn’t the first time he’d made the request. Joel sighs and shrugs. “It’ll keep you off patrol a couple days a week.”

“Should’a started with that.”

Tommy laughs at his brother and shakes his head.

“So what’s goin’ on with you two,” he asks and Joel gives him a warning look. “Look, way I see it, who else you gonna talk about it with?”

Joel sighs. Tommy’s right, Joel has no one else. Ellie is too young to confide in about this sort of thing, Maria still isn’t a big fan, and his only other friend in town is you.

“Nothin’s goin’ on,” he manages, setting the sander in his hand down so that he could take a swig of his beer. “Just like her is all.”

“She seems to like you too,” he says. “For whatever reason.”

Joel shoots his brother an unimpressed look, earning a chuckle.

“She’s got a boyfriend,” Joel explains. “A boyfriend her own age.”

“You ain’t a thirty-five year old, that’s for sure, but you ain’t too shabby. Plenty of women have tried to talk me and Maria into hookin’ them up with ya.”

“Yeah, well,” he shrugs. “Heart wants what it wants and all. Hand me the stain.”

Tommy obeys the command and grabs the wood stain on the table beside him before walking it over to his brother.

“What’s it about her? Besides the fact that she’s good lookin’?” he asks, unable to help himself. Joel successfully fights the smile trying to creep onto his face at the thought of you, choosing to shrug nonchalantly instead.

“She’s nice to people,” he says. “She’s smart. Quick. Got a good sense of humor. I don’t know.”

“She’s with—“

“I forget his name,” Joel sighs. “Will, I think. He’s a ranger.”

“Right, the one she came in with,” Tommy nods. “Not a bad lookin’ guy. He’s a good guy, too.” Joel gives him a flat glare. “Just bein’ honest.”

“Thank you for that,” Joel snarks.

“She happy with him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does she look happy?”

“Enough that it doesn’t make sense dwellin’ on it,” he replies sharply, becoming agitated by the onslaught of question.

“Touchy,” Tommy teases with a grin. “I don’t know. Way she was lookin’ at you…makes me think maybe you got a chance.”

“Yeah,” he chuckles quietly enough to miss it. “Maybe.”

It only took about five orgasms to get him out of your mind, or as much out of your mind as Joel could get. You tried to imagine him standing at the foot of your bed, watching you as you touched yourself to the thought of him and him only. You tried to imagine him kneeling onto the mattress and crawling up until his face was between your thighs. You imagined his tongue, the way it would feel working over you instead of your fingers. In your head, he eats you like he’s been starved.

Has he? Has no one in town managed to work their way into his bed yet?

There were plenty of decent looking women in Jackson, especially by apocalypse standards where beauty isn’t as narrowly defined as it was before everything happened—something good that came from the world’s demise.

You close your legs at the thought of Joel with another woman, your sixth attempt at an orgasm ruined by your jealousy. Jealousy you had no right to feel, not when you had someone. Not when he had no one.

It’s four o’clock now. You’re dressed in the same outfit that you left the house in as you chop up some fruit and veggies for the party. Will is supposed to be doing the grilling when he gets home, but you’re not holding your breath on that.

Three knocks sound on your door as you place the fruit and veggies in the fridge. Your stomach fills with giddy anxiety at the thought of Joel on the other side of the door. With a breath of calm, you rush over to the door and open it, finding Joel and Ellie standing there, dressed as best as they could be dressed given the state of the world.

“Hey,” you greet them with a chirp, your eyes moving from Ellie’s sly smirk to Joel’s more nervous one. “You’re early.”

“Yeah, I just figured…wasn’t doin’ anything else. Might as well come help,” he shrugs before moving to open Ellie’s backpack as she wears it. “I, uh—we got you some gifts.”

You tell your smile to relax as he pulls a butcher paper covered rectangle from the bag first and then a bottle of whiskey.

“Somethin’ to read and somethin’ to drink,” he says as he hands over the gifts. You can’t hold back your grin any longer as you hold these tokens of friendship in your hand. It had been so long since someone gave you a gift on your birthday, it almost felt foreign.

Looking back up at him with wet eyes, you pout your bottom lip out in a touched smile. “You didn’t have to get me anything, but…thank you. Really, guys. This is very sweet.”

“I had nothing to do with it but I’ll gladly slap my name on it for Joel’s sake,” Ellie says, earning a playful elbow from her guardian.

With a laugh, you gesture inside of your home. “Come in. Make yourselves at home.”

“Is it okay if I do my homework in here before I come help?” Ellie asks as you pass by your living room.

“Go for it,” you say, mildly impressed by the fact that in a world where education has lost its value, Ellie is putting her homework first. Or perhaps she just didn’t want to be around you and Joel and this back and forth you two continued to play.

Joel waits in the kitchen as you fill a glass of water and deliver it to Ellie before returning with a nervous smile.

“So,” you say, finding him leaning back against the counter. His hair is still wet from a shower, and the thought of him naked and wet makes it hard to look directly at him.

“So,” he repeats. “How’d you spend your birthday?”

You try to hide the way embarrassment creeps into your eyes as you think up a way to avoid the truth.

“Just laid in bed,” you answer, not missing the way his brows twitch upwards in interest. “What about you? The crib come out okay?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Just waitin’ on the stain to dry.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence as the two of you stand there, eyes locked on the floor rather than on each other until you both attempt to break the silence at the same time.

“So what do you need—“

“I guess we should start—“

You chuckle and Joel smiles before gesturing to you.

“I guess we can start setting up those tables I borrowed from the dining hall,” you say. Joel nods and follows you out back through the sliding glass door, his presence warm and inviting behind you. “They over in the shed if you wanna get to work on them while I clean off the grill?”

“Sure thing,” he says before obeying your command.

Having him here with you, helping you, existing with you, is intoxicating to the point of danger. You want him so bad that it makes you question your morality. You yearn for this to be everyday, to have him in the backyard with you, moving around you as the two of you handle your tasks in comfortable silence, but you know that he can’t.

He can’t because you already have someone you’re supposed to enjoy these things with, but you don’t. Will is too quick, too talkative, too…

You run out of reasons to not want him as much as you do.

Joel finds himself inside of your shed, his hands running over his face as he uses this moment of reprieve to reel himself back in.

He felt dizzy being here in your space, your house smelling exactly like you do. Like a real home.

He’s glad he brought Ellie along, otherwise he might’ve made of fool of himself by dropping to his knees and begging you to leave that boy you called a partner. He still nearly did when you accepted his gift with teary eyes. Before that moment, he was convinced the only tears he was capable of causing were ones of hurt, ones of pain. There was no pain in your eyes when you looked at him.

“You okay in here?” you ask, sneaking up behind him and standing in the doorway of the shed. Joel chuckled to cover up his startle and nods. You give him a suspicious smile and nod back before pointing behind him at the grill. “Will was supposed to have taken it out last night but I guess he didn’t.”

Joel shakes his head in disapproval. “Boys.”

“Aren’t you a boy?” you tease, tilting your head as the words spill out like warm honey. Joel shakes his head and you smirk. “No, you’re a man, Joel.”

Joel struggles to find his words as you walk in and brush past him to wheel out the grill, lightly swatting his hands as he attempts to take over.

“You might be a man, Joel. But I’m a woman,” you smirk. “A capable woman.”

“That you are,” he agrees, low and husky.

The party is over now, your guests all filtered out aside from Joel and Ellie. Will never made an appearance, leaving Josie to explain that he got goaded into working a shift at the bar tonight, and just like Will, he couldn’t say no. His absence hurt more than you thought it would, forcing you into silence as you stood at the sink washing the dishes while Joel dries them.

“He should’a showed,” Joel says after the silence becomes too much. You purse your lips into a sad smile and shrug as you look at him.

“It was just a silly party,” you argue for your own sake.

“No,” he shakes his head. “It was your party. He’s supposed to be here for shit like that.”

“Yeah, well—“ You remember something you were supposed to do as Will’s girlfriend that you didn’t this morning. “He’s probably still mad that I didn't give him any this morning.”

You can feel Joel tense at the subject.

“Sorry,” you say, realizing that while the two of you were good friends, you’d never spoken about sex before, even vaguely. “Too much information.”

“No, I just…” He seems to search for the right words as he wipes a plate clean. “Just think it ain’t okay to pout over somethin’ like that. ‘Specially when you probably gave him some action the night before.”

You give him a guilty look that makes him smile.

“No?” he asks and you shake your head.

“Haven’t in a while,” you say. “Just…haven’t been in the mood, I guess.”

Joel nods and looks away from you. You yearn to tell him why you haven’t been in the mood for your boyfriend in a while, but the possibility for rejection stops you.

“Any reason?” he asks after a beat, forcing your ears to heat.

“I don’t know,” you sigh. “Just…drifting apart, I guess.”

“Why don’t you end it?” You turn to him and find he’s already looking at you, his eyes flickering to your lips before locking on yours again.

“Scared,” you say, barely above a whisper.

“Of what?” he asks, matching your volume.

You look at him helplessly, as if he should know about the war going on in your head and in your heart. As if he should know that him being this close, his arm brushing against yours as he dries your dishes, makes you feel like you’re on fire from the inside out.

“Of not…having someone,” you manage. “Of being alone again.”

“You ain’t—“ He pauses, closing his eyes as though he were in pain, his jaw tensing before relaxing as he looked at you again. “You ain’t alone.”

You’re not sure what compels you to cross the fine line you’ve been balancing on for months now, but you find yourself clinging to his flannel, your lips pressed against his as though you were trying to merge into him for good. Joel’s hands find your hips once he realizes what’s happening, his lips taking back control. When his hand slides over the cotton of your one and only dress to cup your ass, you gasp into his mouth. Joel groans into it and moves his other hand to rest over your jaw.

All too suddenly, you’re grounded in reality when Ellie walks in with a question half spoken before she sees the two of you and utters an, “Oops, my bad.”

You and Joel pull away from each other, breathless and scared as you create space between your bodies by going back to your chore.

“El, why don’t you go on home? I’ll be there in a second.” Ellie wastes no time in obeying, grabbing her backpack and hurrying away from the scene as quickly as she could.

“I’m sorry,” you sigh once the two of you are alone. “I don’t know what came over me—“

“Shh,” he hushes, his hand guiding your face to turn to him, your eyes meeting his own. “Don’t apologize.”

“It was wrong,” you argue, voice small like a child. You can tell he didn’t believe you honestly cared about that.

“Do you regret it?” he asks, his eyes searching yours. You mean to nod your head but you find yourself shaking it instead. He smiles. “Good. I don’t regret it either.”

“No?” you ask, brows lacing together as you tried to read his mind.

“No, I…” he chuckles and shakes his head. “I’ve had a crush on you a long time now, darlin’.”

“You have?” He nods. “Will—“

“Shh,” he says, pinching your chin. “We don’t gotta talk about him. This can…be our secret. For now.”

“For now,” you repeat his words with a smile.

“I gotta get home so Ellie can make fun of me,” he says as he lets his thumb stroke over your cheek. “Do you work tomorrow?”

“I don’t,” you say, dizzied by his warmth.

“Does he?” You nod your head and try not to think of the man you’re betraying. “You wanna spend the day with me, then?”

“Doing what?” you ask in a giggle.

“Anything,” he says simply.

“Won’t people talk?”

“Why would they? We’re just friends for all they care,” he says, the smirk on his face bringing one to your own.

“Just friends, huh?” He nods. “Sure, Joel. I’d love to spend the day doing anything with you.”

Joel leans down, brushing his lips against yours in a teasing kiss that makes you whine against your best attempts not to.

“You gonna kiss me or not?” you ask with a smile, earning a chuckle.

“I’ll kiss you whenever you want me to.”

And he does.

•

•

•

•

•

•

[actual-changeling]

-"True Blue", boygenius

[joelsmochi]

honeypie - joel miller

summary: part 2 to honey (can be read as a standalone, doesn’t have much to do with the original plot!) warnings: not proofread, 18+, slight angst?, age gap (everyone is legal!!!!!), bickering/arguing, double date trope womp womp, degradation, dubcon, creampie, joel is a smidge misogynistic insecure and possessive wc: 2.6k a/n: this is mainly just some self indulgent yet rushed storytelling (so sorry, i wrote it in an hour because i was bored at work lol)! i wanna write a part 3 and actually include the beekeeping a little more but i have nooo idea how i’m gonna do it but we WILL get there one day babes!!! until then, enjoy this fluffy angsty sex 😽!!!💓

series masterlist | main masterlist

-

“If you guys are gonna bang when I’m in the house the least you could do is be quiet!” You heard Sarah shout from the other side of Joel’s bedroom door after banging on it.

Joel grimaced, his body tensing beneath you but you were almost oblivious to the complaints of your best friend. Almost.

You didn’t let up on your movements or noises whatsoever and as much as Joel loved those sweet little moans spewing from you as you humped against him, he loved his privacy much more especially when it came to his daughter.

You shook your head profusely when he attempted to get you to stop, insisting on how you were almost there.

“Soclosesoclosesoclose—just w-wait, I’m cu—fuck. Ahh, fuck, I’m cumming. Oh yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! Ohh—oh, my God—“

Joel covered your mouth with a clammy hand, feeling torn from his mixed feelings of lust and embarrassment.

Going downstairs didn’t help him feel any better either, especially when Sarah began berating you both, not that he blamed her for it.

“Call it payback for all the times I let you and your boyfriend have sex in my bed,” you retorted.

“In your bed?!” Joel mumbled to himself.

“Yeah yeah, could have at least waited until I was gone,” Sarah muttered.

“Sorry, Sar,” you hummed, “your dad is just really hot.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Come on, man.”

“I didn’t even know you were home,” Joel complained. “You’ve been with Jared or whatever his name is all week.”

Sarah’s squinted her eyes, annoyed by the lack of care from her father. “Alex. His name is Alex dad—see, I hate this!”

“Oh, by the way, Sarah,” you said, pattering behind the kitchen counter, “wouldn’t use the open jar of honey if I were you.”

“UGH! EW! Fucking ew!”

♡

“Other than the obvious,” Sarah mumbled, “how’s my dad taking care of you?”

You wore a bright smile and looked away from your reflection momentarily. Joel was… Joel. Rough around the edges but he was a genuine person, confident in the external reality but a little insecure. Not unbearably insecure though, just enough to make you know he was trying his best.

He wasn’t the most romantic but you figured it was just from him being out of the game for so long and you knew you could train him to be more romantic if it was needed.

He didn’t push you aside or make attempts to subtly suggest you needed to leave after sex either; he’d pout real big and give you those gorgeous puppy dog eyes until you held him. He loved making you laugh.

But it definitely still felt like just sex rather than a relationship. You weren’t particularly complaining, but you weren’t bragging about it either.

“Good,” you answered.

Sarah could tell from your tone how honest it was. Good meant great, happy, damn near perfect.

“Good. I’m glad,” she said. “I was worried he’d be like one of those incels that get real creepy and pervy after thirty-five.”

“No, no, he’s great,” you reiterated. “He’s very funny. Smart. He asks me to tan in my bikini while he’s working on the hive or the yard.”

You watched from the corner of your makeup coated eye how tightly she grimaced.

“Images. In head. Don’t want them there,” she dramatized.

“I have to hear every last detail about you and Al up to where he’s shoving your cervix into your stomach. You can deal with a little sexiness from us,” you said.

“It’s just so weird,” she whined.

“Do you want me to stop seeing him?” You asked.

You had slowly began to worry about how this would affect your best friend over time, you knew it was a weird situation. You had no issue cutting Joel off if it meant Sarah got to be happy. There were other men in the world, there weren’t other Sarah’s.

“No, God! No. It’s just not as simple as I was expecting. You know?” She explained kindly.

“Totally! I’d be weirded out if you were hooking up with my dad while I was across the hall. I’m not blaming you there, or anywhere for that matter. Just know you come first.”

“Well, yeah, who else is going to wax your back hair and not judge you for it?” She teased.

You rolled your eyes at her.

“Lots of men with weird fetishes.”

♡

“Can’t believe I agreed to this,” Joel huffed.

He adjusted the waistband of his jeans making his shoulder briefly flare. You let your mind wander while Joel complained about the double date you had arranged with Sarah and Alex. You were currently waiting in the parking lot for them to arrive.

“It’ll be fun. You’ll get to meet Alex and see he is a respectable man and you and I get to pretend we’re a couple for a few hours.”

“Pretend?” Joel questioned. “W-what do you mean pretend? Are we not together?”

“Uh, no?” You said.

Joel didn’t appreciate your amused reaction and questioned you a little more.

“You never asked me to be your girlfriend— you haven’t even taken me on a date,” you explained. “Did you really think that conversation wasn’t necessary?”

“So if we’re not together then what is this?”

You sucked your teeth before simply saying, “Sex.”

Once the four of you were inside Sarah and her boyfriend felt the tension between the two of you.

You watched Joel punch in all of your names into the keypad before pressing ‘start game’.

“So Alex, what do you do for work?” Joel asked.

“Oh, well right now I’m working at a café downtown, but I’m majoring in political science to become a lawyer.”

“A lawyer?” Joel sounded impressed.

“Lawyers are great at communicating,” you antagonized. “They know what questions are… Important to ask.”

Joel rolled his eyes and motioned between you and the bowling balls. “Just go. Good God.”

“Dad, what did you do?” Sarah asked.

“Why do you assume it’s my fault?” He defended.

“Girl, what did he do?” She asked you.

Shrugging, you said, “I don’t know. Since Joel thinks he’s so great at communicating, maybe he should answer. I’m gonna go bowl.”

“Hope you gutter!” Joel shouted after you walked away. “She told me I needed to ask her to be my girlfriend.”

“You thought she was your girlfriend?!” Sarah said with wide eyes.

“Well… Yeah? Do I really need to verbally ask her that?”

“That’s why I got a strike, bitch,” you said while slapping the back of Joel’s head.

Sarah and Alex awkwardly stood up so that he could pretend to teach Sarah how to bowl properly. But the bickering between you and Joel didn’t end there.

“I thought it was obvious,” Joel told you. “I have you over all the time. We fuck. We laugh. Did I really need to ask?”

“So what would have happened if I pissed you off and you were to say ‘it’s not like you’re my girlfriend’?”

“I do not sound like that!” Joel scoffed. “And I would never do that to you, you know that. I just kinda figured you were mine, you know?”

You squinted at his unearned possession over you, feigning offense and scoffing obnoxiously.

“Yours? I’m not your property, Joel. You don’t get to claim me.”

“Oh yeah? And what are you goin’ to do about it? Fuck some other loser?”

You grinned, and immediately he regretted his words.

“That’s exactly what I’ll do,” you whispered.

Alex and Sarah sat back down and you asked if they wanted anything to eat or drink before walking away to go to the bar.

“Hi, what can I get for ya?” The boy at the counter asked.

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen, why?”

“You see the older man on lane twelve?”

He looked and then nodded.

“Well, I wanna make jealous so if you could just smile and pretend to flirt with me I’ll give you ten bucks,” you explained with a sly smirk.

“Fifteen,” he negotiated.

“Ugh, fine. Can I get two lemonades, a beer, and a water please?”

“That’s not coming out of my tip, is it?” He questioned whilst punching the order into his screen.

“It will if you don’t start looking at my boobs,” you said through your faux smile.

You leaned onto the counter and gave the employee a clear view of your cleavage, which he seemed to appreciate very much.

But Joel wasn’t only focused on the teenage boy behind the counter, he noticed the numerous men gawking at your short shorts that showed off too much of your ass with you bent over the counter the way you were.

“Dad,” Sarah’s voice brought him back to reality. “Your turn.”

By the time Joel managed to spare you had returned with everyone’s drinks and Joel didn’t give you the satisfying reaction of jealousy like you’d hoped.

Wondering if you went too far, you drank a bit of Joel’s beer to imprint a lip gloss stain for Joel to taste in between sips. Something you noticed he loved to do over the past few weeks whenever he made you coffee or tea. You never finished your drinks and Joel always lined his mouth up with your lip print to taste you every chance he got.

And as you gave him the cheap plastic cup that held his beer, you watched as he habitually sipped right where your lips had been. Occasionally licking the rim of the cup before taking his next swig.

A couple of games later, you and Sarah managed to team up against the boys and kick their asses each and every frame. They sulked while you two gloated from the ending of the final game all the way back to the cars.

“Okay, okay. We get it, girls rule, boys lose,” Alex said.

“It’s boys drool,” Sarah corrected before turning to hug her father who placed a kiss on her forehead. “Night, dad. I’m gonna stay at Alex’s.”

“Okay, babygirl. Call me tomorrow.”

“Oh, and word of advice,” Sarah whispered after you got into Joel’s car. “Girls like what boys consider pointless communication. Take her out a few times, make her feel special, and ask her to be your girlfriend. She really likes you, she’s just making you earn it.”

Joel softly smiled and nodded. “Mmkay. Thanks.”

Once he got in the car he didn’t acknowledge you in the least bit, finally free to punish you for letting those men get a free show.

“Not a word?” You nudged his arm as he drove. “You could ask me now.”

He snickered, the most noise he’s made in the last ten minutes.

“You don’t get to just fucking claim me, Joel!”

Joel sped up before pulling into a rest area.

“Come’ere,” he hoarsely demanded.

He unclipped his seatbelt and began undoing his belt and jeans.

“Don’t get all fuckin’ shy on me now, girl. Come on.”

You hesitated but unbuckled your seatbelt and climbed into his lap; he moved his seat all the way back and pushed his jeans low enough for his cock to spring up and slap his belly.

Instinctively you reached for it, but he removed your hand from his hardening length and held your wrists tightly behind your back with one hand. Using his other hand to grab your face by your cheeks he forced you to look into his cold eyes.

“Do you not want to be with me?” His voice strained as he asked that, a hint of hurt glaring in his dark eyes.

“Of course I want to be with you,” you answered.

“I don’t play games,” he said, gripping your wrists even tighter. “Don’t fucking—“ A soft smack landed upon your cheek. “Don’t fucking do what you did tonight ever again. Get on your knees.”

He slightly shoved you back as he loosened his grip on your hands and face; you submissively sank to the rough carpeted floor of the car and he wasted no time pulling your hair into a makeshift ponytail and shoving his fat dick into your wet mouth.

He tasted so fucking good, the mix of his clean flesh and salty precum like honey dripping onto your tongue. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned along his shaft as you eagerly bobbed your already hazy head up and down.

Joel’s hips rolled up in pleasure, gurgling out helpless moans as your nose rubbed the wiry hairs along the base of his shaft. Despite the aching and soreness, you loved having your throat full of Joel.

You took initiative and pushed against his hand, nonverbally telling him to make you suffer, and he shamelessly did so.

He couldn’t tell if the slick that was coating his balls was your spit or tears and he didn’t give a fuck. If you were going to show some loser teenager your tits and some loser bachelors your ass the least you could give him was some fucking remorse, right?

Joel felt powerful, in charge in ways he never experienced before. Your flooded eyes looked into his and saw how contorted his face was, so even if he was the one telling you what to do you knew you had him wrapped around your finger.

“Give me that fuckin’ throat, baby,” he moaned. “Oh, fuck! That throat is so fucking tight—mnh. God…damn baby. Feels so fucking good.”

He smacked your wet cheeks as encouragement before slowly pulling you off of his dick; you coughed at the gust of oxygen that flooded your lungs, giggling as he smacked his fat tip against your puffy mouth.

“Look at you, baby,” he whispered. “So pretty when my cock shuts that smart fuckin’ mouth a’yours up.”

“You love my fucking mouth,” you smugly said as you climbed into his lap.

“I do, but I think you forget what it’s supposed to be used for,” he whispered.

“You can stuff my mouth all you want, I’m still gonna give you a reason to use it.”

An eyebrow of his cocked up and a grin spread across his face at your confidence.

“Take your pants off,” he instructed seductively. His rough hands ran up your arms and back while you did what he said. “There you go,” he moaned when you slid down on his wet cock. “You’re such a good fucking slut for me, honey.”

“Just—just ask me, and I’ll s-say yes!” You shakily moaned as you relentlessly bounced on his dick.

Joel gripped your neck and began fucking into you from below, pushing deeper than he needed to, definitely bruising your cervix.

“You know you belong to me. All that fucking shit about claiming you and how I don’t own you, fuck was that?”

“Joe—elll, ugh!” You screamed into his chest, not sure if you were cumming or if your cunt was just overwhelmed with sensitivity. “Just ask, just ask baby I promise I’ll be good I’ll never misbehave again.”

He popped your ass and chuckled cruelly when you flinched and moaned. “Be my girlfriend, babydoll. Hmm? I want you to be my girl. You’re already my slut. Will you be my girl, babydoll?”

Your eyes gawked up at him and you couldn’t suppress the smile that tugged against your lips.

“Yes! Yes, yes, baby! Oh fuck, oh fuck!”

“Say it,” he begged. “Say you’re mine.”

“I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours Joel! Fuckfuckyes I’m yours! I belong to you! I fucking belong to you!”

Joel felt the familiar deep stretch in the peak of his belly at your cries. He listened to you submit to him, let him claim you as his, ultimately marking his territory as he began to cum inside of your warm cunt.

“Thaaaat’s my good girl,” Joel growled as he fucked the last of his spend into you.

“Fuck,” you exhaled, climbing off of him. “You’re such an ass.”

He chuckled at this, the softness in his laughter coaxing a giggle from you.

“You love me,” he mumbled.

“Mmm, not quite,” you said as confidently as your tired body would allow.

“Oh, honeypie… You’ll get there soon enough.”

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

broken trust. [part 5] l Joel Miller

Summary:  you used to be very close, but he broke your heart, now your paths have crossed again

Warnings: +18, angst, swearing, mentioning about sex, violence, blood, crying, guns

A/N: this part is finished this way and not otherwise, because I'm preparing an epilogue. I have to! this part seemed too long to me. I hope you will spend a few nice minutes reading my scribbles. a few people mentioned tagging - @vickie5446 @dreamtofus @missladym1981 @hiroikegawa 🖤 

[PART 3]

A murmur went through the hall and people stared at Tommy uneasily. This wasn't good news. When all the patrols returned to Jackson, one group didn’t bring you good information..

"It's not a big group." Tommy continued ignoring the quiet discussions. "Four, maybe five men. They're armed. Michael and Alex have been watching them for a while."

"They don't seem friendly, dude." Michael, the man with the longer gray beard shook his head. "I think it's the ones from the group we ran into a while ago."

Tommy looked at Joel standing nearby.

"He means the ones you and Ellie met a while ago." He explained. "Y/N, you were very lucky you ran into each other back then."

You threw a quick glance at Joel. He must have been thinking the same thing you were. You were very lucky.

"We need to get our car back before they get to it. I know you're fresh off patrol, I understand if any of you want to back out." the men immediately gave their consent to leave Jackson again "Alright then. We'll meet at the main gate in an hour. Check the weapons. If we succeed, it'll be a quick thing."

People started to leave and only a few, like you, remained in the pub. You had nowhere to go, except to just glance at your empty apartment, so you stayed to drink some warm coffee and rest.

"You were very lucky." Tommy approached you "When you found Joel and Ellie."

"Yeah, I guess." you replied, turning the warm mug over in your hands "One of them gave me a hard time anyway. I don't know how I couldn’t have guessed that there might be more of them."

"You couldn't have helped it." the man sighed "Besides, you found Joel, and for that I will always be grateful." he looked towards his brother, who was sipping whiskey at a long bar "How did the patrol go? Do you get along?"

"It's complicated." you replied, forcing a smile.

"My brother can be complicated." Tommy looked at you carefully after a moment. "Y/N, are you sure you want to come with us? You can stay, no one will hold it against you. You look tired."

"It's fine. I want to go. After all, it was our car."

Tommy nodded and patted you on the shoulder, then went to the next group of men.

Despite trying to smile, you felt every muscle in your body. The patrol had worn you out not only physically. 

On the way back, you and Joel barely spoke. You felt that some chapter had ended between you, but you weren't sure what awaited you next. However, you didn't feel as many bad emotions as before. All the anger and sadness had spilled out on Joel in that forest, and he accepted it, feeling that he deserved it all.

A familiar touch on your back brought your thoughts back to Jackson. Joel stood by you as if unsure that what he was doing was the right thing by approaching you at all.

"It's time," he said calmly. "If you wanted to stay..."

"No, I'm ready." You finished your cold coffee and quickly stood up. "And you? Are you feeling okay?"

He nodded, but a faint smile appeared on his lips. Something had changed between you.

It was already dusk and it had gotten really cold. You were walking through the forest, divided into smaller groups. A few people had horses. You, however, felt more confident on your own feet. Tommy and Joel, and a few other riders weren’t far from you. Everything was going well. You walked between trees more carefully and slowly approached the place where you had left your car.

"I feel safer knowing that there are guards left in Jackson too." the man walking near you muttered.

In your mind, you agreed with him. You couldn't leave Jackson without protection. Everyone, however, was counting on you to return quickly and without any major problems.

You heard a strange crack behind you and turned around, aiming your gun.

"Ellie?!" you hissed, noticing a familiar face in the increasingly dim light. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I'm going with you." the girl replied, pulling her gun out of her belt.

"Joel knows?" you asked, but you already knew the answer. "Of course not! Ellie! He'll kill you and then me! Go back to Jackson!"

"Y/N, we're so far away that it would be stupid to send me there alone." the girl noticed, smiling slyly. "I'll stay with you. I'm safe here, with you."

You shook your head in disbelief. You knew Ellie was right. You couldn't let her go to the city alone.

"You're going right next to me, do you understand?"

She nodded and followed you like a shadow.

Now your nerves were strained to the limit. Every sound, every clatter, made your heart beat faster. However, you calmly reached the edge of the forest and saw a car abandoned in the middle of the road.

Everything looked normal. There were no infected nearby, and the vehicle seemed untouched since your escape.

"What are we waiting for?" whispered Ellie after a few minutes when, despite everything, you didn't come out of the trees.

"We're waiting for the signal." You answered her quietly, "Look."

On the other side, someone flashed a small flashlight at you. It was Tommy signaling that the opposite side of the road was safe.

"Can we go now?" Ellie was excited.

"I think so. But..."

"The last one at the car is a stinking egg!"

You didn't have time to catch her. Your fingers only brushed her jacket when the girl ran out of the forest and headed towards the car. Your heart froze for a split second, and then you ran after her with all your might.

"Ellie! Stop!" you hissed.

But you noticed immediately that something was wrong. A strange movement on your left side, it wasn't any infected.

"Ellie!" you shouted after the girl.

That made her look over her shoulder. She slowed down, and you reached out your hand towards her, and then several things happened at once.

A loud gunshot echoed through the quiet area, you ran into Ellie and fell to the ground with her, hiding her under your body, and then you heard the bang of more gunshots.

You tried not to move, afraid that whatever you did would lead to the girl getting hurt. You wouldn't forgive yourself for that, and you couldn't look Joel in the face.

You heard the pounding of hooves, screams, and more gunshots. Tommy's distinct voice, calling out to everyone. After a few minutes, everything seemed to quiet down.

You slid off Ellie and rolled onto your back, exhausted. The girl stood up and that's when you noticed it. Her pale face was terrified and her hands...

"Ellie! Is that blood?" you gasped out "Are you hurt?!"

The girl shook her head and her lips barely moved.

"Y/N... That's not my blood." she whispered.

You didn't understand her words at first. Not her blood? Then whose blood was it?

And then you understood. You looked at your side where a dark stain was growing with every passing moment.

"Shit!"

The adrenaline in your blood effectively minimized the feeling of pain, but when you realized what had happened, everything was more intense.

"We have to stop the bleeding!" the girl whispered. "Like Doc said! We have to put pressure on it!"

When she put her hands on your side you writhed in pain, moaning.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N! I'm so sorry!" Ellie whimpered "Joel! Joel!"

But it wasn't Joel who heard her voice.

"It was worth waiting for you." a male voice boomed from behind the car "I knew someone would come for that car! Now they'll have to talk to me if they want you alive."

The man was pointing a gun at you. He was tall and bulky, he must have been hiding in the car so neither of you saw him. You quickly grabbed Ellie's arm to hide her behind you.

The man's eyes wandered from Ellie to you. He was desperate, and you couldn't do anything being wounded. You lost your gun the moment you threw yourself at Ellie, and she had your blood on her hands.

"Listen, this won't do you any good..." you started slowly, trying to calm him down and buy some time "Our group is bigger..."

"Shut up, bitch!" the gun aimed at you "If they want to get their ladies, they'll have to fucking talk to me!"

It was a second before a dark silhouette appeared behind him, in an instant the man hit his head on the hood of the car, and then again and again. The gun fell from his hand, and Ellie quickly ran up to pick it up from the asphalt.

The man's bloody face didn't even flinch as he fell to the ground.

"Joel!" Ellie squealed at the sight of him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" he growled angrily, but he noticed the traces of blood on her hands and face. "Did you..."

"Not me!" she interrupted quickly.

When his gaze fell on you, Joel could have sworn his heart had stopped beating.

"Joel..."

That was all you could stutter as he ran up to you. You hissed in pain as he moved your hands away, touching the still bleeding wound. You saw the fear in his eyes, but his decisions were quick and precise.

He picked you up and headed towards the car. Ellie quickly opened the door for him and put you inside, then she sat in the back.

"Joel? What happened?" Tommy rode up to the car on his horse, looking around nervously. "Is that Y/N?!"

"He shot her!" Joel growled, reaching under the keys lying in the glove compartment and turning on the engine.

"Take her to Jackson! We'll take care of the rest!"

The car started off with a screech. Ellie dug out the first aid kit from under the seat and pulled out a bandage, the same one you gave Joel a while ago. She leaned over, pressing it against your side, you groaned loudly in pain.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" she stuttered quickly, but didn't stop pressing.

"What the fuck were you doing there?!" Joel snapped, throwing a quick look at you. "You were supposed to stay in Jackson!"

"Leave it." you groaned. "She's fine..."

"Yeah, but you're pouring blood on the passenger seat!"

The car jumped on the bumps in the road and your scream of pain filled the interior. Joel didn't say a word, focusing on the road. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly that he was surprised it hadn't broken yet.

When he saw the gates of the town, he blinked his lights a few times and the doors opened, letting him inside so that he didn't even have to slow down much. The car stopped only in front of the clinic.

"Y/N?"

"I'm fine." you replied, although your eyes closed every now and then.

Doc was surprised when the clinic doors opened with a bang and Joel stood there with you helpless in his arms.

"Help her."

That was all he could say. Doc pointed to the bed, then quickly rolled up your shirt. You groaned and writhed in pain. His fingers touched your bleeding wound, trying to determine its size.

"I think it missed the most important organs." Doc muttered after a moment. "But I'll have to open it and pull the bullet out."

The door opened again and Ellie went inside. The sight must have been terrible, because the girl's face was pale as snow and she barely managed to mumble:

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Run for Mrs. Waltz!" Doc ordered her quickly. "I need help!"

The girl nodded and quickly ran out of the building. Doc went to the cabinet, starting to prepare the tools for the surgery.

"Joel..."

Your voice was weak, but he reacted instantly. He grabbed your blood-stained hand, and with the other he stroked your hair.

"It's okay, baby. You're safe." He said, feeling something stab painfully into his heart, and his mind screaming that he was lying to himself "I know it hurts. But it's gonna be okay, Doc will help you."

"I'm not scared, Joel..." your voice was barely audible. "I'm with you, I'm not scared..."

When you closed your eyes, time stopped.

The sink was full of red-tinged water. He stared at it as if hypnotized. The steamy bathroom was silent and the silence was in his head too. He just stared at something that used to be a part of you.

If someone ever asked him what happened after Doc made the decision to operate, Joel wouldn't be able to recall that moment. Everything was like a fog.

He knew he was sitting in the waiting room completely frozen, staring at his bloody hands. He didn't notice Ellie sitting on the other side of the room with her legs pulled up on the chair, as quiet as ever.

He didn't remember Tommy, who had appeared out of breath with the information that only the man Joel wanted to beat had survived.

He just sat there feeling that if he heard bad news, what was left of his heart would shatter into a thousand pieces.

After more than an hour, Doc appeared. His apron was covered in your blood too. He spoke strange words, Joel wasn't sure if he even understood them.

"Is she alive?" he asked finally.

"Yes, she is." Doc nodded. "Her body is very weak, but she is alive. You brought her in at the last moment, Joel. You saved her."

But he didn't feel it. He saw you through the open door, lying unconscious in the bed, and tears came to his eyes. Doc patted him on the shoulder, suggesting that he go home, wash up, and rest. There was nothing more he could do for you.

Joel put on clean clothes and then simply fell onto the bed and fell asleep in an instant. He had no dreams. He didn't even know how long he had been asleep. The weak, slowly setting sun filled his bedroom and for a moment he even forgot about everything that had happened the previous night. He came to the conclusion that he must have slept the whole day.

Ellie didn't wake him up, though. She left him a meal on the table before she left the house.

He found her some time later in the clinic.

"Hi." she said quietly, dipped a cloth in a bowl of water..

"What are you doing?" he asked, approaching the bed.

"I couldn't look at how dirty she was." the girl replied, wiping your hands with the cloth. "Doc said she had a good night. He gave her antibiotics just in case. But he thinks she'll be okay."

Joel nodded. It all seemed simply unreal to him. He guessed that Ellie felt guilty. If it weren't for her reckless behavior, you wouldn't be lying unconscious now. So she did what she could. He noticed a small bouquet of the last wildflowers on the table, she had to pick them for you.

"Joel, I didn't want her to get hurt..." the girl's voice was trembling. "I was stupid, I know that. Y/N just wanted to stop me. She didn't want anything to happen to me..."

"Yeah, I know that." he replied, even though he wanted to spill everything that was on his mind at that moment to Ellie "She'll feel better soon, you'll see."

The girl nodded and rubbed her reddened eyes with her hand. 

"Go get some rest." He mumbled, approaching her and placing his hand on her shoulder. "I'll finish this for you."

She nodded again. She squeezed your hand one more time and left, leaving him alone.

Joel sat down in her place, soaked a cloth in warm water and looked at your face. You looked like you were sleeping, and in reality, you must have been. The medication Doc gave you must have been pretty strong.

"Hi." He greeted you quietly and reached for your hand.

It was a wonderful feeling to feel your warm skin in his hand. He kissed the back of it. A sense of guilt grew in his heart. He wanted to protect you from all the evil in the world so much, and now you were lying unconscious when they had barely torn you from the clutches of death.

He felt guilty for everything and what had led to this situation. When he lied to you the first time and when he had tried so clumsily to get you back when you were on edge not knowing what to do. All his actions and decisions had led to this. He was devastated, tired and didn't know what to do next.

He adored you like this and in such moments. Totally drunk on him. Your body was subservient to his pressure and touch. His cock buried deep inside you, sweet moans leaving your lips with every exhale.

Your fingers intertwined above your head, his face hidden close to your neck. You felt his breath on your skin, so hot that it almost burned you.

"I'm so close..." you moaned, feeling his every thrust clearly "Joel, please..."

"What are you asking for, love? Tell me..."

His voice was so quiet and calm. He had been fucking you for a long time, he had given himself time to play with you, like a predator with its prey. You had already come twice and your body was sensitive to his every move and touch.

"Let me... I can't take it anymore, I want to come..." you replied, feeling his lips gently sucking the skin on your neck "You're torturing me."

"Me?" he laughed quietly "Oh, honey... I guess you didn't see yourself. So beautiful, and just mine..."

"Too much whiskey, Joel!" you laughed "A little more and I'll think you've fallen in love with me!"

Your gazes met. His beautiful brown eyes stared at you as if he wanted to tell you something. But his lips refused to obey him. Or maybe you didn't want to hear it? Such things were not reasonable in QZ.

Of course, there were families in Boston, but it wasn't the same as many years ago. There was little laughter on the streets or couples walking hand in hand. Feelings were carefully hidden within the four walls of rooms. They were safe there.

So it was better not to name anything. Live day by day, enjoy what you had. You knew that you were close to him, that he wanted to protect you and take care of you. You did the same to him. It felt good, it felt safe.

His hips moved, and his cock hit exactly the place you needed. You closed your eyes and bit your lip, sighing quietly.

"Joel?"

"Yeah, baby..."

"Joel?" your voice was so quiet and calm "Joel..."

Something strange was happening. He could feel it on himself. A strange feeling like something was moving through his hair, slowly and gently. Joel opened his sleepy eyes.

"Hi."

Your voice was weak and barely audible, but it was yours. He could see your lips moving, familiar eyes looking at him with concern. It was your hand stroking his hair.

"Hi, baby." he replied, lifting his head from his arms that were lying on your bed. "I must have fallen asleep."

"I should say your snoring woke me up."

"How are you feeling?" Joel took your hand tenderly and kissed it. "I'll call Doc."

"I’m fine. How's Ellie?"

"She's okay, although she was worried about you. I had to throw her out of here because she would have been sitting here all day."

"Oh, I see." you smiled weakly. "And no one told you to leave?"

"They wouldn't have made it."

"Mhm. Joel? Thank you." You saw him frown in surprise "Thank you. I'm alive thanks to you."

"Don't say that." He shook his head "You would have survived, you're strong. The strongest person I know."

"Oh, yeah!" You laughed quietly "I would have crawled to the car and operated on myself with a pocket knife." You squeezed his hand tighter "I really thank you, Joel."

He smiled, his face brightening.

[epilogue]

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[jessicaslittlelovesickmess]

Once upon a dream

Warning: mentions of pregnancy, mentions of cheating, mention of death, hurt comfort

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x Fem!reader, Tess Servopoulos x Fem!reader, Tess Servopoulos x Joel Miller

The only thing Emily ever wished for was a family, to be the mother she never had to two sons and a beautiful daughter always three children specifically.

Emily always had dreams of becoming a mother one day but it was never in her stack of cards so she shortly gave up the idea. Her dreams would always be just dreams not until she met Y/n, she was everything Emily had ever dreamed of in a spouse.

Only Y/n wasn’t hers

They had met at a local cafe after Emily had accidentally bumped right into her forgetting her coffee as she left in embarrassment. Y/n went straight after her with the drinks in hand never guessing she would end up at her brother’s workplace the bau.

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” Hotch asked confused Emily froze before turning around to face the woman. “You know each other?” She asked so unlike herself Penelope would’ve laughed Derek too “Aaron’s my older brother, you forgot your coffee” Y/n smiled.

Fast forward six years later

Emily going from blind date to hookup after hookup to get her mind off the now married woman who she still imagined a life with. Two sons and a beautiful daughter she told herself or even just one child would suffice maybe a cat if children wasn’t an option. She loved Y/n so violently it made her sick and everyone could see from a mile away- everyone besides Y/n although she loved Emily just as fiercely.

When Emily had “died” the other woman was inconsolable it damaged Aaron knowing he had a hand in this by not telling his sister the truth. Instead watching as the woman got married quickly to the first person who showed her simple kindness and their marriage seemed was almost out of convenience. Having met the woman while away trying to escape the life she once knew in Virginia moving to Boston and back again.

Y/n Hotchner became Y/n Servopoulos

Aaron couldn’t watch as his sister saw Emily for the first time once more after apparently being dead, how her hands trembled and eyes watered. The echo of her heels as she quickly left, Emily broke down that day one thing was certain nothing would ever be the same.

Y/n soon revealed she was pregnant with a little boy that shattered Emily’s entire world but she was happy for the woman. Though she couldn’t help but laugh when the baby was born looking just like his Uncle, to Emily Y/n was glowing and Tess well she was there.

Her son was named after an old friend Alex.

Theresa and Emily never got along always classed as competition in the other’s eye but they remained civil around Y/n never wanting to upset her. When Y/n was pregnant a second time Tess was around a whole less always giving Emily a chance to be by the pregnant woman’s side.

It was tough at first trying to win over the woman but Emily had her ways she would beg for Y/n’s forgiveness

A second boy named after his Uncle Aaron, Benjamin

Emily stood beside the woman until Ben turned two, Y/n and Tess were getting a divorce so Emily had the boys whenever she could. Tess had met someone while she was working away from home, some man named Joel from Texas. Joel Miller the same man who did the renovations on their holiday home who even had a daughter of his own.

It wouldn’t be until another year when a move would be made there was a routine the children had made that included Emily. You both would cook dinner- well you would cook and after spending time together you both would get the boys ready for bed and tuck them in. This night however as Ben snuggled into his pillow his little hand reached for Emily’s “stay mama” he yawned as the woman went to stand.

Tears spread on her waterline as she gazed down at him “of course my sweet boy” she smiled and once the kids were asleep you both retreated to the living room. Cuddling on the sofa watching some shitty reality tv show you gazed up at Emily “thank you” was whispered against her jaw. “What for?” She glanced down at you “for everything, for staying” soon enough your lips had met before you were on top straddling her.

Dreams slowly stopped being dreams another two years later when you and Emily had gotten married with just the team a few friends and your two sons as guests. Emily was over the moon to have a family to call her own, to have a reason to go home just knowing she was needed filled her with pride. Emily had gotten a taste of motherhood and she wanted more as you both laid bed post bliss she brought it up she wanted another child.

Two sons and a beautiful daughter

Her dreams were now reality as you welcomed Olivia into the world, Olivia Benson the Senior having to be the one to drive you to the hospital while Emily was away. She held your hand until your wife burst through the doors with the team behind her, you would birth a daughter who was the perfect mix of you both.

A little girl with Emily’s nose and eyes while she had your hair and mouth, Emily couldn’t help but pepper your face in kisses. “You did so well baby, I’m so proud of you” it made her think if she would ever be in this position if she hadn’t bumped into you that day.

Yes you were the bosses little sister but you had lead a similar life in a different town what if ran through her mind until she felt your cold hand on her cheek. She smiled brightly down at you as she leaned down to kiss you softly ignoring everyone in the room “thank you” she whispered.

“What for?” You chuckled tiredly with a dopey grin “our family” Emily held onto your free hand “I love you Y/n Prentiss” ignoring Hotch rolling his eyes fondly.

“I love you most Emily Prentiss”

Dreams do come true to those who wait Emily found.

[butterphii]

Autumn

TW: Extreme, and I mean CRAZY fluff, dad Joel/step-mom Reader, alcohol consumption, scary movie/gore reference, lots of cuteness

This is for the fall challenge by @jolapeno and @goodwithcheese! So excited to write. I chose: Joel Miller and pumpkin carving. Hope you all enjoy! 🧡🍂

--------------------Joel Miller--------------------

You accidentally dropped your pumpkin on the table, causing Sarah to jump. "Ahh! Jesus, man!" She whined, fist pounding repeatedly into your shoulder as you laughed. Raising your hands, you said, "I didn't mean to, girl. Your dad couldn't carry it for me." You smiled. Joel stuck up his middle finger in the other room, grabbing the knives you'd be using.

Rolling up the sleeves on your sweater, you grabbed bowls to put the pumpkin guts in. "Sarah, do you wanna help me make pumpkin seeds later? Maybe pumpkin rolls?" You asked, grabbing the knives from Joel and leading him into the dining room where you set up. "Totally. Remember, I got a date tonight, though." She replied, grabbing a knife and cutting the top off.

Joel stopped in his tracks, he looked frozen. "You got a..what?" He asked, seemingly angry but you knew he wasn't actually. Sarah giggled. "I'm going on a date with Alex. He's taking me to a movie, then he's gonna take me home after watching the sunset." You smiled at Joel, mouth not speaking but eyes just saying: Joel, please, just let her have fun.

"Ok. Just be careful. Don't do anything stupid." He looked at you, seeing the smile spread across your face. He grinned back, eyes a little angry but nothing else seemed to be the problem. You grabbed your phone, searching for a Halloween playlist and when you and Sarah heard the first beat, you knew it was the Monster Mash.

Reaching out your hand, you said, "Care to dance?" A chuckled slipped from Joel's lips, watching you two. "Why of course!" Sarah replied in a British accent.

You took her hand, pulling her up and holding her other hand and just moving around all 'willy nilly', as Joel would say. He rolled his eyes and grabbed a random Sharpie, drawing what he wanted to carve on his pumpkin. You were still dancing when you heard him cap the marker and stand up with a soft grunt. You closed your eyes, feeling his hands wrap around your waist from the back, fingers spreading against your stomach.

"Hey, baby." You beamed. "Hey, darlin'." He replied, kissing your temple, holding you while you continued to dance and Sarah fake gagged. "Get a room!" She growled. Joel flipped his middle finger again as he kissed your face all over, ending on kissing your lips. Sarah groaned loudly.

You all eventually sat down and finally started carving. You ended up with a little kitty cat face, Joel made a classic, yet crooked, jack-o-lantern, and Sarah made what she called a "pimp-kin". It was some stupid guy with a beard and a leopard print hat and a drawn on fur jacket. It made Joel really upset, but you couldn't stop laughing.

Happily, you all placed the pumpkins down on the front porch, the Austin weather not very cool, but it was still nice. You put fake candles inside each one, taking a picture with Joel and Sarah behind them. You made Sarah take another one with you and Joel kissing. She moved her arms, motioning she was throwing up.

Joel nudged her arm, pushing her onto the ground. He guffawed, hardy and loud. It made you happy to see him happy. It made him happy to see both of his girls happy. "I love you, Joel." You giggled. "Love you too, babydoll." He showed his crooked grin, the smile spreading his nose out across his face. You kissed him with your own smile and watched Sarah roll her eyes again before stepping inside in front of you.