#alec ness

[commandernachos]

MOTHER characters I think would have toilet humour, categorized by game.

MOTHER 1: Pippi and Teddy by far. Ninten laughs at such jokes, but doesn't make them.

MOTHER 2/EARTHBOUND: Ness. Porky. Definitely Dr Andonuts. Jeff should get to laugh at fart jokes. As a treat.

MOTHER 3: Kumatora, as pretty much the entire fandom has agreed on. Duster too, but to a lesser extent so it's more shocking when he tells jokes of that nature. Lucas tries really hard not to laugh, but he cracks sometimes. Claus has toilet humour. Hinawa has toilet humour screw you. Alec definitely does too.

[the-ultimate-squish]

[whoslaurapalmer]

I think there is a hilarious untapped horror potential in the fact that hallmark reuses a lot of the same actors in their mystery/romance/christmas movies. think of that fucking time loop. I have no real concrete thoughts here I just giggle every time I think about it

[autumngravity]

Got some new friends

[aria0fgold]

I don't know what I'm doing with this fic's story anymore at this point, I'm just doing feck all but somehow it's also so fun to just... make it a lil wacky.

[munsons-maiden]

𝚃𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎

𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 | DI Alec Hardy x female reader 𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢 | based on this request: Alec uses handcuffs (smut but it's sweet and soft) 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 | 1.1k 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 | SMUT (DON'T READ if you're under 18!), a tiny bit of edging, handcuffs 𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎 | my Alec Hardy sideblog is @bloodytwittah. I also write for Crowley (Good Omens) over at @stargazing-crowley 🖤

“Please.”

Your whisper fills the silence of the office, warm breath mingling with his as you arch into his touches, his kisses, chasing every fleeting brush of his fingertips on your skin like it’s a lifeline and you’re caught in a storm.

Well, he is.

And you’ll happily drown in him, in the way his scent is engulfing you, the pine-needle smell of his cologne forever entangled with the ever-present salt in the air.

“Patience is a virtue,” Alec drawls, a quiet laugh painting his voice.

“And stalling is a vice,” you shoot back, but it comes out rather breathless.

Alec has spent what feels like an eternity kissing you, teasing you, fingertips brushing over all the sweet spots where you so desperately need him the most yet never lingering long enough to do anything but stoke your need for him further, letting you chase those fleeting touches nevertheless with growing despair. And impatience.

You can feel his erection pressing against your leg, the outline of it very visible beneath the navy fabric of his pants, but each time you wrap your legs around his waist to drag him closer, drag him right where you need him, he angles himself away from you with a soft, deep chuckle.

You discarded his tie a while ago, and his white dress shirt is undone, revealing his chest, the fine scar running over his sternum where they fixed his heart mere months ago, and the way his dark hair is messy and ruffled – not by the sea breeze for once but by your fingers – makes him look like he should be on the poster for some highly expensive perfume ad.

“We could consult Reverend Coates about the matter,” Alec chuckles softly now, his hot breath ghosting over the side of your neck, teeth grazing the sensitive skin on your pulse point, the soft scratch of his beard sending pleasant shivers up and down your spine.

Your own quip is swallowed by a string of moans as Alec’s fingers stop tracing circles on the inside of your thighs to wander higher, to the spot just above your clit, and you desperately roll your hips up to grind against his fingertips.

But the moans turn into a frustrated groan as he pulls his fingers out of reach once more.

“So impatient,” he breathes. You can feel his smile against your pulse point.

“Alec Hardy,” you tease softly, “Did I just catch you smiling?”

“Don’t tell anyone. Got a reputation to uphold.”

“And of course we wouldn’t want anyone at Broadchurch PD know you’re not as grumpy as you seem.”

“I am grumpy,” Alec quips with a whisper that sends a shiver of need through your body, “Just not when I’m with you.”

Butterflies soar in your chest at his words, and your fingertips in his hair tighten as you pull him into a searing kiss.

“Still. Payback’s gonna be a bitch,” you announce as you pull away just enough to catch your breath, eyes flitting to the clock on the wall over the closed door to his office. Ever since you’ve started dating Alec Hardy, nightly overtime hours have lost their unbidden-ness.

When Alec chuckles softly in response, resuming to map your throat with his lips knowing damn well what it’s doing to you, you feel your own grin curve your lips.

Two can play this game.

Still grinning, you untangle one of your hands from where you’ve been raking your fingers through his soft chocolate hair and let it roam down, underneath the skirt you chose this morning in the hopes it would come in handy later – and good lord, it does.

“What –“ Alec breathes, pulling away from your throat to stare at you, and your grin turns into a sultry smirk as your own fingers spread the wetness that’s been pooling between your thighs as you let your head fall back a little.

His eyes have been darkened by arousal before, but at your little performance, they’ve grown almost black now. It’s nearly enough to send you over the edge right then and there.

“I’m perfectly capable of finishing the job on my own,” you drawl, letting a lewd moan spill from your lips for effect as your fingertips start circling your clit.

It feels good.

It feels amazing.

It doesn’t feel half as amazing as it would if it were his fingers, though, and the cheeky expression on his handsome features tells you he knows that.

For a few moments, Alec stays where he is, eyes dark and devouring as he watches you, before he closes the few inches between the two of you with another searing kiss, his hands leaving your waist to gently grasp your wrists, pulling your hands away.

There’s no firmness in his grasp. If you wanted to, you could easily tear your hands out of his grip.

He’d never be rough with you. He’d never take control without asking for your permission first – Alec Hardy has never been anything but sweet and gentle with you.

Bantering has always been part of your relationship long before you let him into your bed, and it extends into every aspect of your relationship. Which is probably why sex with Alec Hardy is the best you ever had.

And which is probably one of the reasons why, despite his always-mildly-annoyed, grumpy exterior, it didn’t take long for you to fall for Alec Hardy in the first place.

As he gently pushes your hands behind your back, feverish kisses deepening, his clothed erection brushes against your core, and this time, it’s Alec who moans first, a deep, half-suppressed moan spilling from his throat as you roll your hips against him, desperate for more friction, for more of those sinful, sweet noises from him –

A soft click makes your eyes fly open to meet Alec’s smug little smirk.

“Oh no, you didn’t,” you gasp, eyes wide.

His grin turns even cheekier. “Yeah I did.”

The handcuffs he just closed around your wrists rattle softly as you test them, cool metal against your wrists.

“You’re under arrest,” Alec drawls, his Scottish accent growing thicker with his own arousal as he trails sloppy, feverish kisses down the side of your throat, over your collarbone, hands slowly unbuttoning your blouse to unveil the lacy black bra underneath telling him exactly what you were hoping for when you got dressed this morning, “For obstruction of police work.”

“Payback,” you breathe, arching into his kisses and unable to suppress a soft, breathless giggle, “Will be such a bitch, Alec Hardy.”

Your voice breaks as you watch him kneel before you, dark eyes sparking with arousal and affection and just the perfect amount of cheekiness as they hold yours.

He places a single, almost chaste kiss to the inside of your thighs before he breathes, “Then I better start making it up to you now.”

𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐/𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐 - 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙𝚜 𝚞𝚜 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 🖤

[the-ultimate-obsessive-fangirl]

Alec is completely emo like obviously everyone knows it but you ain't telling me that Magnus doesn't do his eveliner (actually all his makeup) for him whenever they go out anywhere and if you try to tell me that Alec doesn't paint his nails whenever Magnus does death will ensue. Alec embraces his full emo-ness when he's with Magnus. Magnus is Alecs safe space and I love it❤❤

[twothpaste]

earthbound old man tier list

S Tier: Doctor Andonuts. idc what anyone says, he is a fascinating bewilderful tragic morally dubious rubiks cube of a character, and if i think about him for longer than 10 seconds i get so emo i wanna dye my hair black and run away into the woods. he is also very funny. i would squash him like putty.

A Tier: Wess. mother 3 wouldn't be mother 3 without Wess and i'm not kidding. i love how he is written as both a terrifying abusive father and also a genuinely wise antifa ally, the duality of humanity or whatever. a bunch of his lines still give me chills to this day. especially [ this one ]

Leder as well. absolute fucking real one. imagine taking a vow of silence for the rest of your life to protect your beloved community, none of whom even can remember the sacrifices you've made for them, singlehandedly bearing a lifetime of unfathomable trauma to spare them theirs. he is atlas with the planet earth on his shoulders. yet another character who turns my brains into spaghetti-os.

B Tier: George is one of the most intriguing characters in the series. Boy, I wish Itoi took the time to actually Write him!!! so many questions, so little canon material, but my imagination does drive me a bit to madness with this guy I fear.

C Tier: the fuck do you mean Geldegarde Monotoli was super wicked evil under Giygas' influence, kidnapped Paula, took over Cartoon New York with sheer capitalist ruthlessness - then as soon as you break the Mani Mani statue he's like -tiny bichon frise sneeze- "ouuugghhh goodness gracious i'm so sorry, i don't know what came over me, i am so harmless and frail and made of pudding also" -little pekingese cough- and Paula is like "don't worry ness 👧 he was just a sweet old man all along lol!!!" nvm it's pretty funny actually

Grandpa Alec goes in C Tier too. imo he's well written in chapter 1. his reaction to grief feels really off-kilter in a strangely human & believable way, like?? he is snapping at Lucas and immediately feeling remorse, cracking jokes to try and assure Flint (and himself) everything is ok when it clearly isn't, kooky silly and also unsettling at the same time. i think people forget that he's also a messy clumsy maladjusted grieving dad, just like Flint. but after chapter 1 he kinda falls off, doesn't have much interesting to say or add to the story. i find myself kinda wishing Lucas had a closer relationship to his grandpa implied post-timeskip… oh well.

is Jonel old? his sprite doesn't look ancient but considering his attitude & his adult kids I imagine him to be in his 60's probably. i like that he's a bit of an asshole, and his moment at the prayer sanctuary implies a religious aspect to the village that's super intriguing… iirc he has a line all the way in New Pork where he trash talks Flint for still holding out hope & tryin to find Claus, and it's like?? damn, Jonel, a cunt to the bitter end!! gotta love that.

likewise Mayor Pusher is one of those Tazmily villagers who really highlights how fake & callous some of these people can be. i love the part toward the end of chapter 7 where he blabbers about how much he hates this hick town and he's so eager to leave already, and when he catches Lucas eavesdropping iirc he's rude as ever to him. what a douchebag! no wonder his son is so depressed ❤️

Nippolyte is a benign real one and I like him, even though there's not much to him.

wish Scamp did or said literally anything of note before dying. oh well

D Tier: yeah fuck Mr. Carpainter though. i don't believe for a second he was solely driven to become a cult leader by alien brainwashing alone, dude's gonna be on some MLM shit within a year mark my words

??? Tier: i don't consider Mother 3 Porky an old man, i consider him Very a forever thirteen year old trapped in a sickly grotesque disproportionaltely aging body. but if you do consider him an old man, he's in the stratosphere tier blowing up the moon

[mechachimera]

EB ship names my friend, partner and I came up with

Claus x Ness: Cluelessshipping

Ninten x Claus: Heavymetalshipping

Ninten x Loid: Rocketshipping

Ninten x Ana: Melodyshipping

Ninten x Lucas: Heartshipping

Ness x Lucas: Emissaryshipping

Ness x Paula: Tokenshipping

Jeff x Tony: Wintershipping

Claus x Fuel: Sunshineshipping

Flint x Hinawa: Matchshipping

Lucas x Fuel: Sparkshipping

Jeff x Ness: Mechanicshipping

Poo x Ness: Starshipping

Lucas x Nana: Seashellshipping ( joke name: Yapshipping)

Loid x Ana: Purposeshipping

Ana x Paula: Ribbonshipping

Jeff x Paula: Rescueshipping

Jeff x Poo: Enigmashipping

Paula x Poo: PKshipping

Flint x Lighter: Flameshipping

Flint x Duster: Sympathyshipping

Teddy x Duster: Scrapshipping

Ninten x Pippi: Badgeshipping

Ness x Pokey: Fatedshipping (joke name: Friendshipping)

Kuma x Duster: Castleshipping

Masked Man x Lil' Miss Marshmallow: Servantshipping

Ness x Ninten: MCshipping

Alec x Wess: Elegyshipping

Teddy x Kuma: Riotshipping

Leo x Kuma: Smokeshipping

Teddy x Leo: Lawlessshipping

Travis x Meryl: Sightshipping -

Travis x Floyd: Dragshipping

Travis x Lucas: Dreamshipping

Meryl x Floyd: Spotlightshipping

Leo x Duster: Loneshipping

Travis x Ness: Mindshipping

Travis x Ninten: Sleepyshipping

Travis x Claus: Peppershipping -

Teddy x Leo x Kuma x Duster: Arsonshipping

Ken x Ninten: Parallelshipping

[twentyfirstmatrix]

Spewing over the fact that Alec Hardy asking if Becca Fisher would like to ‘relax’ with him ISN’T in the Broadchurch novelisation.

I feel cheated of the wet cat-ness dripping from that scene.

He does yeet that ice cream from Jenkinson into the ocean though.

[yourmotherstrashmouth]

So, my dear husband... it's QUESTION TIME!

What kind of flower does remind you of your wife?

What color does remind you of your beautiful wife?

What song does remind you of your gorgeous wife?

What city does remind you of your pretty wife?

What season does remind you of your beautiful and gorgeous wife?

What food does remind you of your beautiful gorgeous and pretty wife?

What subject does remind you of me, your beautiful wife?

What crystal does remind you of me, your gorgeous wife?

What time of the day does remind you of me, your pretty wife?

What planet does remind you of me, your beautiful gorgeous and pretty wife?

You can't skip none of these questions >:3 *insert evil laugh*

*cracks knucles* ok let's get going!

flower - osiria roses. they're white and red and to be honest they don't even look real.

color - lilac. soft, dusky, pinkish-purple. particularly hex #c9a5c5

song - my heart is buried in venice, by ricky montgomery.

city - paso robles. it's a small town in the wine country of california between san francisco and los angeles. it's quaint, a bit isolated, the scenery is really nice. there's a super cute breakfast place we went to that i think you'd love.

season - spring! i don't really have an explanation for this one tbh.

food - panna cotta. i remember the first time i made it was just a few weeks after i met you.

subject - music. i know you love it <3

crystal - moonstone. it's a healing crystal, especially for inner growth and hope. it's also really pretty.

time of day - midnight. dark, mysterious, and comforting.

planet - uranus. people either overlook it or make fun of it, but it's a cool planet. i like the color and think it's kinda cool that it's tilted sideways. it also has rings... almost like it's married hehe

[shewaslikeasunflower]

I can breathe fire too!!! I can't control it very well, though. -Chimera Ness

•“Awesome!!! I can’t control it too well either..um, I nearly set fire to Alec’s house when I was testing it outside, but I’m getting the hang of it! Same for wings too, I’m not too great at using them..”

[the-ultimate-squish]

Please do not buy squishmallows irl unless purchased secondhand. Sources below

Squishmallow Alternatives + my current reasoning for the tournament (subject to change)

More info with sources

Official Boycott (this blog is not part of the official boycott)

[peppermintquartz]

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass it on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! 💙

OK here goes. I'm very shameless about my writing, actually. You might regret asking me this!

One thing to note: I lean towards the darker side, so if you do browse through my fics, be wary and read the tags. Lots of dead doves. And since I tend to write one story in different parts, I have grouped those that tell the same story.

1. Red Mist / Black Moon (Shadowhunters)

This set is one story, starting from Magnus rescuing Alec and then Alec saving Magnus. There are torture scenes which, frankly, I didn't go as dark as I would now, but the main focus for me was the relationship between Magnus and Asmodeus. Incestuous overtones in Red Mist becomes outright references in Black Moon, but there are plot reasons for it. I also loved doing the Chinese bits and also the multi-verse / trans-dimensional shenanigans bits.

2. Finn's Playroom (Pro Wrestling)

This is pure self indulgence. It has porn, plot, BDSM, angst, fluff, romance, friends with benefits, friends(?) with benefits, murder, attempted murder, torture, sexual abuse, recovery from abuse, breakup, make-up, BAMFs out the wazoo, childhood trauma, and lots of lore buried in there. But it's sexy AF. I gained a whole buncha wrestling moots with this fic!

3. In a Cottage by the Sea (Hannibal)

Oddly enough, this is the only one on this list that has no Dead Dove.

I wrote many Hannibal fics, and while I love the work I put into Bread & Music (massive age gap fic without Daddy kink), this one truly tested me as a writer because I tried being super minimalistic and sparse. I think, style-wise, this was the hardest to create, and I genuinely love this particular fic.

4. Contact / Touched / Caresses (Bleach)

Extremely Dead Doves. Be warned.

This is an interconnected story about the love between two of the main villains on Bleach (i reject Tite Kubo's interpretation completely), and in their unrepentant evil-ness, they are utterly devoted to each other. Love does not make a person good.

This was written 20 years ago, almost? so the quality of writing is sometimes 'eeeeeh' but i am proud that i did this in the first place. I wrote three different POVs of the same story, with some chapters happening concurrently, others filling in the blanks between the chapters of the other fics, it was completely insane, and I was utterly possessed by it because I was uploading one chapter every day or every other day. Lots of readers started rooting for the villains to have a happy ending... (see: number 5)

(This was written and shared on FFdotnet and transferred over to AO3 by copy-pasting from a download, so there are many typos. But given there are 263 chapters, and over 596,000 words in total, I am not editing this.)

5. Over All Things / I Will Remember You / You Will Remember Me (Bleach, conclusion to the above)

...And because of the impact of number 4 on this list, I could write this concluding trio of stories, again with multiple POV of the same incident, and I know I made a lot of readers cry.

For the very evil guys.

But, see, I woke up crying because this story unfolded fully in my head, so of course i had to inflict the pain on everyone else.

Thank you for letting me ramble about my fics, I really appreciated this ask!

[commandernachos]

MY BIGGEST MOTHER HEADCANONS

(BTW IT IS OKAY IF YOU DISAGREE WITH THESE!!!)

-*sigh* okay, let's get Porky out of the way. He wasn't always evil, just an annoying jerkish sidekick friend type character, similar to Sniff from Moomin or Chowder from Monster House. We was corrupted by Giygas and the Mani Mani statue.

His apology at Happy Happy village was genuine, but he doubled down to save face, also since he's a coward and Ness is the only person who liked him (Picky does care about Porky, but Porky doesn't know that.) He was being controlled by Giygas during the fight with him, hence the blue skin and green hair (and no I am not saying this means Porky's evil actions are justified or entirely not his fault.)

Everything he does in MOTHER 3 is EXCLUSIVELY his fault, but he would not have naturally turned out that way without the push from Giygas

-Tracy and Picky are friends :)

-Lucas as a little kid was kinda a downer, ACK THERE'S THIS ONE LINE ALEC SAYS TO HIM WHEN THEY'RE WITH THE DRAGOS THAT CONFIRMS THIS FOR ME but I forgot what it was

-Hinawa loves telling jokes. Claus and Flint always laugh while Lucas is always like :T or just doesn't get them

-Just in general, Hinawa is a huge goober

-Lucas has and always will like how Hinawa made omelets the most

-Ionia and Doria are the ones Kumatora is closest too- they're like her moms, while the rest are like her wine aunts

-Ionia and Alec had a thing for each other, and definitely have dated before. Alec misses her greatly ):

-at the end of MOTHER 3, everyone actually did survive. I don't personally headcanon characters who died before as coming back though (Claus, Hinawa for example remain dead in my headcanon.)

[lurafita]

Bermuda triangle mystical beings

How about the famed Bermuda Triangle (also known as the Devil's Triangle), is a subspace portal kinda thing where all the mystical beings that can't blend in with the mundanes are stuffed?

Because Unicorns might be able to glamour themselves to look like wild horses and the mundanes being non-the-wiser. But Pegasus (Pegasi? Pegasuses? what is the plural of pegasus?) who like to fly around have a bit more trouble with that. And what about the Loch Ness monster? You get spotted a few times, and bam, off to the other dimension it is for you. Oh well, at least the lakes are cleaner here and there are no annoying stupid ships one has to avoid. So all your favorite mystical beings could be in this extra dimension (some more dangerous than others). And maybe sometimes Magnus has to pop over there for potion ingredients. And then Alec worries because of some of the dangerous things that are there. So he comes along.