#again idk might just b the books I read

[arospecsyourblockdudes]

There’s this specific style of writing I see in a lot of books I read these days and it’s like that faux-pretentious purple prose-y forced-introspective style. You know? You know the vibe? Like NORMAL pretentious purple prose-y introspective is fine because if it isn’t clashing with the story I’m reading I don’t care I vibe with it. But there’s a time and a place and either it’s the books I pick up or a trend but everyone is trying to do it and sometimes it just doesn’t work with the story being told. Sometimes the style and voice clashes a lot with the subject matter and makes me feel that disconnect. Like it’s fine to not use lots of metaphors and talk introspectively about identity and love and whatever sometimes it doesn’t have to happen.

[danielnelsen]

ughh i’ve got about half a day to figure out how to keep working on my current project without a computer fml

[blossoming-mind-palace]

ROTBB First Time Headcanons (NSFW/Minors DNI)

An anonymous request. Work left me burnt out so I used this to get my creative juices flowing again. Written with a GN reader in mind.

Chung Myung

So you know how he has canonically big hands?

Guide him and he'll become the fingering king in no time. He already has long fingers, so you just need to tell him where to go, what to do, and how fast to do it.

Staying on the topic of hands he's grabbing everything because A. Grabbing your bits is funand B. He wants to see how you react. 

Surprisingly good at foreplay, and it makes you wonder if he’s read a couple of books on this or not.

Also bricked up and if you comment on this he will get cocky. (pun intended lmaoooo)

It might be his first time, but holy shit he has stamina thanks to his training. Even if he finished too soon he's going back in. Will not stop until you've finished.

Probably started out with missionary for the first round but will want to try other positions later in the night.

Kind of guy to finish inside of you, stay inside for a minute, and then accidentally get hard again from staying inside. (wrap it before you tap it)

Baek Cheon

He tries to be super romantic during his first time because he thinks that's what you want and he desperately wants to impress you. He’s a perfectionist, so he tries to make everything perfect.

Probably took you on a nice little date first. Has prepped his room ahead of time in case he gets lucky. He's got candles, towels, etc.

Normally you don't plan your first time, but he keeps this stuff on hand just so he can be prepared

And when he does get lucky he’ll concentrate more on giving his partner a pleasurable experience than his own satisfaction

Tries so hard to spoil his partner, but you should uno reverse it. He’ll get flustered and ask if it’s okay that he’s receiving all of this attention. Please continue pleasuring him he really likes it.

Going to go with missionary first because it’s easy and he wants to see how you react to his performance. If you want to continue spoiling him ride him during round 2 and he’ll be in heaven.

I also headcanon him as being bricked up but he needs to learn how to uhhh… wield the blade? Again? But like a different blade if you know what I mean? I need to stop bye-

Jo Geol

He doesn't know what he's doing. He's received advice, read romance novels, etc. but he’s still awkward. But then again who isn't awkward during their first time?? He's trying his best and that's all that matters.

Will try really hard to be romantic, but he’s extremely nervous. Will tell you he’s nervous, because admitting that he’s nervous helps calm him down. Idk why it just works.

Please reassure him and tell him he’s doing a good job.

Communicates a lot and is very loud. The more you stimulate him, the louder he’ll get. Isn’t shy when it comes to dirty talking with you.

He strikes me as a doggy-style kind of guy. Idk why.

Not as well-endowed as the last two but it’s about the motion of the ocean. He’s a quick learner so he’ll learn how to hit it right after a couple of tries.

Yunjong

Really reserved and shy, so you’ll have to take the lead with this one. There’s no way he’d initiate something so scandalous. 

If he makes any moves he’ll be really polite and constantly ask if what he’s doing is okay and if you feel good.

A blunt partner would make him soooo flustered, but he’s secretly turned on by a partner like that.

Yunjong wants to be dominated and bottom. Like he’ll top if you want him to, but he really likes watching you ride him. Find the thought of you getting off while using him like a dildo really hot, but you could never get him to say that out loud.

Discovers that he likes receiving hickeys, but can’t stand the embarrassment that comes with people seeing them. If you mark his neck please teach him how to use makeup to cover them up.

Jo Geol notices him during his walk of shame and Yunjong gets interrogated. Jo Geol was waiting for you two to get together and won a bet thanks to you guys.

Sweating nervously and giving vague answers when people ask him where he was last night, but everyone knows. He doesn’t say anything, but his nervous body language gives everything away.

 Yu Iseol

Ugh, I wish they would develop her more. I love her but she’s so hard to write for.

She seems quiet and stoic but if you're trying to seduce her she will get a little flustered.

Her flusteredness is very subtle though. It’s a blink and you might miss it kind of thing.

Her cheeks turn slightly red and she can't hold eye contact for as long as she normally does. 

Literally has no idea what she's doing. She has no prior experience or advice so she's in the dark. Please help guide her or be the dominant one.

Trying to figure out what she likes/dislikes and vice versa. 

I feel like she wants to top, but you’ll have to tell her what to do and if you like it or not. 

She also likes bottoming, and when you top you should overstimulate her. She won’t say it out loud but you can tell based on her expressions that she really enjoys it.

Doesn’t moan a lot so you’ll have to gauge your performance based off of her facial expressions and body language.

Likes it when you play or pull on her hair.

If she does a good job, please tell her. She loves being praised. 

Lee Songbaek

Sweet boy

Another one that asks if everything he's doing is okay and is very gentle with you because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt you.

He discovers that he’s a big fan of foreplay. Really likes to make you a panting mess before the main event happens.

Like Yu Iseol, I headcanon him as a switch. 

I feel like he’d want to do the face-off position during his first time. That or any position where his partner faces him because he likes the intimacy.

Also likes to watch you get off when you’re on top of him.

He seemed shy at first, but after you’ve seen each other inside and out (hahahahah) he’s going to be more honest and bold

Wants you to untie his hair and pull on it

Jin Geumryong

Another one I struggle to write for…

You have feelings for this guy? Bless your heart.

Likes being dominant and in control, but finds a witty partner that fights back exciting. 

If you try to fight for dominance you’re not gonna win. Nice try though!

Probably discovers that he’s into brat taming, and wants to do freakier shit but waits until next time because he doesn’t want to scare you off.

Will ask to tie you up to see if you two enjoy it, and you do.

When he marks you for the first time, he finds out he really likes making you squirm and will do it again.

Also enjoys overstimulating you.

Like Chung Myung, he will want to keep going until you’ve finished too. He might be a little mean but he’s not going to leave you unsatisfied.

[sanccharine]

15 | child labour

hogwarts au

pairing: hufflepuff!tzuyu x slytherin!reader  genre: fluff, slice of life  word count: 3.4k

warnings: description of injury, probably inaccurate, idk im not a doctor

summary: whether on the field or during class, you never shied away from trouble. and in your sixth year, trouble seemed to follow you like a shadow, though you couldn’t complain. especially when that series of misfortunes led you to the transfiguration prodigy, chou tzuyu.  includes: NO ONE MUHAHAHAH its a tzuyn special y'all

status: ongoing a/n: happy tzuyu day !! also happy nayeon comeback day !! and thanks to @eternallyghosting for fixing my atrocious grammar <3

masterlist | chapter 14 | chapter 16

The morning of the detention, as well as your fated talk with Chou Tzuyu, you woke up earlier than usual. Taking advantage of the rarity, you did your routine at a similar speed and headed to breakfast. The hall has never been so empty.  

Lee had picked the day where the first hour of the day would be your detention. You weren’t sure how to feel about it. Though you were grateful that you didn’t have to face your friends’ many questions and suggestions before anything. But it also meant, you were left to your devices, left to think and think and think about how to go about fixing your recent stumbling. 

Too nauseous to eat, you grabbed a muffin and made your way to the library just as the usual morning crew wandered in. Thankfully again, you didn’t catch any of your friends. 

You might have taken a detour to the library, just to stall for some time. To go over the words you wanted to say. You’d hate it if you misspoke and worsened the situation. Previously, you’d tried apologising, tried talking and she’d shut you down. Maybe this time around the pair of you would just listen. You would, you promised that to yourself. And you wouldn’t be petty. And you wouldn’t push her away. 

Simple enough? Right?

You stood at the entrance to the library. 

Nervous doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion swirling in your stomach. 

In fact, you’d bet you weren’t even this distraught when the game happened. 

Clenching your fists, you pushed open the door to the library. The librarian looked at you over her glasses and clicked her tongue. You’re not a favourite, but then again, when were you?

“Professor Lee sent—”

“Detention. Head to the reference section.” Simple, the books won’t be cursed or ready to snap your fingers off. “Organisation duty.”

Don’t we have magic to do all that?

The librarian shot a glare over her glasses as if she read your mind, you just nodded and made your way. 

Sighing, you walk down the shelves, until you find the reference section. Marked off by a placard, you turned right only to walk straight into Tzuyu. With a groan, she gripped the shelf next to her while you just stumbled a step back. 

It's not surprising you’d meet like this. Not surprising at all. 

“You alright?” you asked since she was rubbing her shoulder. 

“Just fine,” she answered, short as usual. Then, she glanced at you. Her gaze shifty. “I’m fine. Are you alright?” 

“I can handle a little bump,” you chuckled, not at all disoriented. Tzuyu offered an easy smile, so you mimicked it. 

So far, simple. Easy. 

Time seemed to pause for a moment. She was still holding her shoulder as she looked at you, waiting for something. While you resorted to taking her in. You hadn’t really seen her in a while. Properly, that is. Glances during classes barely counted. And that night, that night before the game was such a strange time for the both of you. So, in a way, you were glad she didn’t look so sunken. 

There was still an air of tenseness around Tzuyu. But her hair had returned to its usual state, though for once it was completely down and her eyes had some light in them, expectant. You were grateful. Having been the first task of the day, your tie was still intact, your buttons done to the top, and your shirt still tucked. For once, you could appear in front of Tzuyu without being your usual dishevelled self.

This was good. 

“You’re here early,” she said. 

“So are you.”

Tzuyu just hummed with a twitch of her lips. Of course, her being early was not strange at all. 

You nodded, gaze shifting as you gulped. You hoped it didn’t sound as loud to her as it did to you. 

“I think we should talk,” Tzuyu let go of her shoulder and fully pushed the book in front of her onto the shelf. 

“I think so, too,” you agreed. 

“Help me?” She tilted her head to the cart and you nodded. 

Very quickly, Tzuyu explained the organisation system (which was way more complicated than it needed to be, and again, is this not what magic is for?). Considering the number of reference books you had to replace, you decided to organise them into piles on a table first. That way, you don’t have to go to separate shelves one by one, plus it allowed you to stay in one place and talk to each other. 

You handed her books from the cart and she organized them into the piles you needed.

“So how do we start this?” you asked, pointing out the code on the book. 

“I wanted to apologise,” you bit back the urge to say she didn’t have to. 

When you didn’t say anything and handed another book, she continued. “Starting from the fight, I’m sorry for hitting you with that curse. It wasn’t meant for you. Honestly… I don’t know what came over me.”

Tzuyu paused as she looked over a particularly hefty textbook. 

“It’s not often I behave so… impulsive,” she admitted, “I didn’t even think when I cast the spell.” 

She took in a wavering breath. 

“I know you know, but I want to say it again. It was me who cursed you… wandless,” Tzuyu said, naturally avoiding your gaze as she turned to place the textbook at the far end. “I don’t know what came over me, or frankly how I did it, it just happened. Actually, the first time I’ve successfully cast a wandless spell.”

“Successful is an understatement,” you joked. You fought a grin when that earned a chuckle out of Tzuyu. 

“Thanks. I don’t regret it—as in, if it hit Hyukwoo as it was supposed to, I would do it again,” Tzuyu quickly clarified as she took another book from you. “I’m sorry you were caught in the middle, and it was so potent, with your hand and—”

“It's fine,” you quickly reassured her. There was no more desire to hide your left hand, even though it twitched from time to time. “I told you right? That I shattered my wrist?”

She nodded, resting slightly on a pile of books.

Well, you guess you hadn’t explicitly addressed her when you explained your injury. Plus, crucial information had been omitted. 

“During our second year, me and Yeri finally got to play as beaters together. Hyukwoo, desperately, wanted the position. So he did what he knew best and jinxed me, mid-game,” you laughed at the memory. Though at the time, you couldn’t even feel your arm. “I lost control of my broom and the bludger I was waiting for tore through it.” 

One look at Tzuyu’s horrified expression and you wanted to take your words back. 

“I’m fine, it was fine!” you shook your left hand just to let her know. She wasn’t convinced. “I mean twelve-year-olds have twig-like bones, it makes sense—”

“Don’t you have protection? Or gear or something to prevent this from happening?” Tzuyu furrowed her eyebrows, a mixture of concern and disgust threaded through them. “How can it be safe for kids that young—”

“Yes, we have protection, gloves, and guards, but,” you stepped away from the cart and pulled back your left sleeve. Using your right, you push back your left palm as far as it goes and let your index finger stop at the faint line by your wrist. “See that line, just where the palm connects to the arm,” Tzuyu nodded. “Completely unprotected, but I mean we sort of need it for mobility. I was weak, I was out of control, and in the wrong position. All that put together equals a shattered wrist.”

Tzuyu just stared at you in a daze while you explained your injury to her as easily as she explained how to cast conjuration spells. 

“Don’t know all the technical terms, plus, I think I was passed out or sedated for most of it. But Madam Yun said my muscle had torn open, hence limpness, and bones shattered to pieces,” Tzuyu pressed her fingers to her lips, physically stopping the squeak that left her lips. “She said it took her days to heal it slowly, just so the bones mended itself, but mended correctly in there. If that makes sense?”

“And you still play Quidditch?” Tzuyu asked, utterly aghast. You couldn’t help the snort that escaped you. 

“Seems like it,” you smirked at her as you shook your hand to loosen it up. “But yeah, thanks to magic, it’s all good. Just—”

“Why would you do that to yourself?” 

“What?” 

“Why would you play when it's so dangerous?” 

“Because it's fun?” you answered plainly and she pulled a face. 

“Can’t be so fun, you’d risk your body over and over again,” Tzuyu scoffed, before turning back to the books. She didn’t have any new ones to add to the piles because you hadn’t handed her any. So she resorted to aligning the piles as straight as possible. “What happened to Hyukwoo, then? Why is he not expelled?”

Well, that’s a question you ask every year. But, unfortunately, you knew the reason. 

Same reason, you were still at Hogwarts too. In a way. 

“Guess what? One of his idiot friends snitched on him, terrified out of his mind when he saw how serious the injury was,” Tzuyu pinched her lips together while shaking her head, her eyes cold. You’ve never seen Tzuyu express so much… ever. That too, in such a short amount of time. “Hyukwoo hid when I was hospitalized, but then only confessed—full snot and tears— when his friend ratted on him. Yeri beat the shit out of him, broke his nose almost as bad as he broke my wrist.”

You snorted again, hoping that Tzuyu would join, instead she was turning a deadly shade of crimson. Surprisingly there was no steam bellowing out of her ears. Your laugh fell, deciding to drop any attempts at jokes altogether. 

“Both Yeri and Hyukwoo were suspended,” you admitted, a statement that sobered you. 

Once you caught wind of the disciplinary action taken against Yeri, you’d run to write a letter to your parents, not caring you weren’t supposed to leave the hospital wing. You’d begged them for almost a whole week straight to do something to prevent them from expelling Yeri altogether. 

They weren’t happy you were injured. They weren’t happy you were playing Quidditch instead of focusing on your studies. They weren’t happy you’d befriended someone like Yeri. And worst of all, that you were demanding that they’d use their name to pull strings. 

Finally, they came through. At a cost. 

Hyukwoo had planned to injure you and cast a spell on you during a game. He should’ve been expelled. 

Yeri’s retaliation, although she injured another student, did it on your behalf and didn’t use any spells. Seeing as it was her first severe misconduct, her parents should've been notified, and maybe lost her privileges. 

Instead, Hyukwoo’s parents did the most to ensure Yeri was expelled and their son got away scot-free. When that didn’t happen, it only meant your parents had done what they promised. So you had to do what you promised. 

You looked away, turning your body completely to face the cart. You needed a minute to reset. A moment away from Tzuyu’s stare. 

“But yeah,” you said, fishing out a book and checking the code. “It healed weirdly, I didn’t take as much rest as I should’ve. So even without your curse, it acts up from time to time. You don’t really have anything to apologise for on that front.” 

With that done, you turned to give her a book. Tzuyu was in a daze as she took it from you. 

“Tzuyu?” you said, voice very quiet. Though you knew she heard when her eyes snapped to you. “You’re… ?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she nodded before clearing her throat. “Where were we?”

“You were apologising?” You tried a smile and she rolled her eyes in return. That will do. 

“Right, next was the plan,” Tzuyu’s whole body sagged. “Oh, I don’t know what I was thinking— I don’t think I was thinking at all! Yeosang was so against it, I asked him to lie as soon as he fixed you. And, of course, on the way he and Wooyoung did the heavy lifting.” 

You nodded, handing her another book. 

“Honestly, it was so stupid, I panicked and just said whatever and Yeosang was kind enough that he just went with it,” she sighed and corrected a pile. “Seems Lee is like that, too.”

“Yeah, I don't know how you thought lying to Lee would work.”

“I wasn’t thinking, I told you,” you just laughed at her admission. 

You hummed when Tzuyu paused. When she didn’t say anything more you decided to ask the question. 

“Why did you protect me?” 

Tzuyu looked up at you. Like a deer caught in a trap. 

“I, um, I didn’t know what else to do,” she confessed. “There was no other option. No other right option.” 

Then she nodded to herself before looking at you again. A steeliness in her gaze. 

“Like I said, I don't regret it, not any of it,” she said. “I’m only sorry how I treated you after. Even if I did want to lie for you, it was not something I make a habit of, I was questioning myself and then lashed out at you.” 

“Yeah, no, I get it. I’m sorry for how I behaved too,” it was your turn to do some admitting. “I try—I try so hard to look perfect around you. I don’t know why I do it, I just do. Even though I know that you know who I am or how many fights I’ve been in, or how I sleep in class or don't tuck in my shirt or whatever. For some reason, it bothers me. What you think of me bothers me. I care so much about it—and I don’t know, after weeks of some normalcy, that fight shattered everything. There was blood on my hands, literally—”

“I’ve seen you fight before.”

“What?” 

“Y/N, every student has seen you punch someone at least once in their school year, I’m no different,” Tzuyu said, wearing an almost maternal smile. 

“No, yeah, I know. I know that,” you mumbled the last bit of the sentence, “it just bothers me is all.”  

“Hmm?” Tzuyu tilted her chin up in question, but you just shook your head. For a moment, she narrowed her eyes, hoping you’d expand. When you didn’t, she spoke again. “For what it's worth, I admire your courage. I mean I can’t say I approve of the method, literally,” Tzuyu paused to point at her prefect badge. “But I am yet to see you fight for the wrong matter.” 

When you just stared at her, Tzuyu cleared her throat. 

“That’s all,” she said, returning to her piles. 

“Was it you?” 

Tzuyu was forced to look up at you again. Her mouth twitching to ask the question innocently, even though she knew what you were talking about.

“The cushioning spell,” you clarified. 

“It would seem so,” Tzuyu cleared her throat again and walked over to a nearby shelf with a book. 

“Thank you,” you said, as genuinely as you could. Tzuyu only mumbled back her acknowledgement. 

After that, the pair of you got into a comfortable silence. 

What had you been so worried about? 

Your conversation with Tzuyu couldn’t have gone smoother. She said her part, you said yours, neither of you had anything to apologize for, nothing of substance. Yet both of you had agonized over it the last week or so. You, so much so, your hand had begun quivering the moment you started thinking about her. How ridiculous, you thought as you raised your left arm to shelve away another book. 

Besides, what had been there to worry about? 

You felt so stupid. 

“I feel kind of stupid,” you startled when Tzuyu sidled up to you, placing another book on a shelf above yours. “I feel like we were worried about nothing, thinking back on it.” 

“Game season,” you added, “tensions were high… we were stuck in our heads.” 

You paused to think about the same string of words your friends repeated to you, over and over and over again. 

“It happens,” you concluded and she chuckled. 

“Yeah, I guess it does.” 

Your detention had gone past much faster than an hour-long lesson would. So quick, you sort of missed the atmosphere. Just you and Tzuyu at the library, alone (well, with enough imagination that is), shelving books side by side in silence. Time seemed frozen and it was comfortable. As you grabbed your bags and stepped outside the library, the sounds of rushing students filtered and you had to bite back the disappointment. You had to head back to class when you only longed for more time with Tzuyu. 

“Excited for Transfiguration?” Tzuyu asked, her voice pitched up with mischief. “You just look so… zealous.”

You raised an eyebrow while she tried to tamp back her growing smile. 

“How do I actually look?” you asked, a smile of your own growing. 

“Like you're going to throw up,” she straightened, looking forward. 

“That seems more accurate,” you said, taking a glance at Tzuyu’s profile. She was still trying to reign in her smile. But when someone pointed at the pair of you, she acted as if she were brushing at her nose, and quickly her smile disappeared. Her and her carefully orchestrated mask. You decided to toy with her, to crack through it, you deserved such joy. Even if it came at your expense. “Now that I think about it, I am excited for Transfiguration.”

Tzuyu hummed her question, her head tilting subtly as her eyes never wavered from the parting crowd ahead of you. Should you do it here?

“Well, I’ll finally get to talk to you again,” her eyes narrowed as she turned to you in the slightest. “I missed you.” 

Something like a squeak escaped Tzuyu’s lips and in an instant, she clamped a hand over her mouth. Her eyes darted around, measuring and calculating. But even if she showed no overt sign, the rising rouge blush was a marker for the effect your words had on her. 

Good.

You pressed a palm to your cheek, you were burning up too. You figured as much. 

“Yeosang not a good teacher?” Tzuyu tilted her head up, her eyes glimmering. You had to admit, she was good. 

“Pales in comparison to you,” you said and grinned when you saw Tzuyu struggle to not grin back. “But who wouldn’t?”

“That’s enough of your flattery,” she huffed, picking up her pace. “It won’t get you anywhere. Don’t try it.”

“I’m not trying anything.” Why were you smiling so much? You should stop, your cheeks hurt.

Even with whatever game you and Tzuyu were playing, you didn’t miss the way people murmured around you. A singular glance behind your back showed most turning away and shushing their friends. Shouldn’t they be in class?

Shaking your head, you turned your attention back to Tzuyu. 

She had stopped at the entrance to Lee’s class. She was waiting for you. Her hand tightened around the strap of her bag, twisting and untwisting. You quickened your pace to meet her there. 

“Speaking of Transfiguration,” she glanced at the door just as you stopped in front of her. “I have something for you.” 

She opened her book bag and rummaged through it, before pulling out a textbook. 

Your textbook, soiled and tarnished, but it was your Transfiguration textbook. 

“I found it on the grass later that day,” she handed it to you. “Cleaned it up and had to let it dry. Would’ve returned it to you earlier but we…”

“Weren’t being mature.”

“I was going to say we weren’t on speaking terms,” she chuckled as you took the book from her. You flipped through the pages. Yes, some were dirtied but Eunbi’s notes still remained, only slightly muddled, though with her handwriting it didn’t really change too much. “But that works too.” 

Closing the book, you looked at her. “Thanks.”

Tzuyu looked at you, somewhat unsure. Then her glance shifted down the corridor, her eyes steely as the last of the juniors rushed away. Even though she was doing her job, you noted for what it was. A minute distraction from you. 

Then it clicked in your head. 

The library. The silence. The longing. 

The answer couldn’t have been more clear. 

“Tzuyu.”

For the first time, you reached out. First. 

“Teach me,” you said, “be my tutor.”

any feedback is much appreciated.

a/n: call me hamilton the way im writing these chapters non-stop ! would you believe me if i said i wrote 13, 14 and 15 back to back within like 4 days ? i certainly wouldn't believe me :P anygays have a good day/night everyone !!

taglist: @someone-who-likes-broccoli @tatliegilim @nanabongos @pandafuriosa60 @eternallyghosting

send an ask to be added !

[benjinoff13]

Thinking about the domesticity of avatrice’s text messages while they were in Switzerland

~~~

B: “Will you be home for dinner?”

A: “YES! can you make that pasta again”

B: “Which one?”

A: “idk the one you made the other day w the sauce”

B: “?”

A: “nm”

B: “I never understand your messages.”

~~~

B: “Will you be home soon? Are you safe?”

A: “yes I’m fine! still omw I ran into michael but I’ll be home in 5”

B: “Please hurry. The ice cream is melting and we don’t have a freezer. Remember?”

A: “SPRINTING NOW!”

B: “Don’t run and text please.”

~~~

A: “I just saw a bunch of cows crossing the street??!??”

~~~

B: “What do you want for lunch?”

A: “whatever you want is fine bea :)”

~~~

A: “where are we meeting for training?”

B: “The usual spot.”

A: “I don’t remember where it is lol I keep getting lost”

B: “Send your location I’ll come pick you up.”

~~~

A: “I got stung by a bee what am I supposed to do lol”

A: “BEA???”

A: “or should I say bee hahaha”

A: “it healed”

B: “I’m glad.”

A: “that shit hurts like bitch”

B: “Language. Please.”

A: “damn, even over text?”

B: “Yes.”

~~~

B: “I’ll probably be asleep when you get home. There’s dinner in the fridge.”

A: “ty, sweet dreams, I’ll be home soon!! <3”

~~~

B: “I bought a book I think you might like.”

A: “that’s really sweet bea but I’m not as big a fan of reading as you are…”

B: “It’s a comic book, Ava.”

A: “omg yeeeh thank you :)))”

~~~

A: “hey who was that girl you were talking to the other day?” (deleted)

~~~

A: “I lost my white tank top do you know where it is”

B: “Underneath the couch near the radiator.”

A: “you’re the best!”

~~~

A: *picture of bea sleeping* *picture of a sunset* *picture of a baby cow* *meme about nuns*

~~~

B: “What film do you want to see tonight?”

A: “it’s your turn to pick bea but nothing too complicated and nothing with subtitles or I’ll probably fall asleep on top of you again”

B: “Right. We don’t want that to happen.”

A: “don’t we?” (deleted)

~~~

A: *stupid pun*

B: “That one actually isn’t too bad.”

~~~

B: “I know you didn’t sleep well. I hope you’re feeling better today. Hans can cover your shift and we don’t have to train today if you don’t want to. I’ll bring some snacks when I get home.”

A: “thx, love you” (deleted)

[compacflt]

question: how do you find your research/sources? yours and dancing disasters' icemav fics are so inside baseball i love it, but how do you go about doing research?

I just read a lot & google stuff I don't know & am curious about. not that hard to start learning. and in terms of reading I've been interested in military history & milfiction my whole life. mostly related to the US army, actually--im extremely new to naval history and naval literature; all of that interest was driven by top gun. I've also been fortunate enough to visit a lot of the places I write about--ive been to Pearl Harbor a couple times & San Diego MANY times, for instance, and I've toured a few aircraft carriers and military bases. I've also finally bitten the bullet and kinda shifted my career path towards aerospace, so I've been learning a lot just by working in the aerospace & defense sector/spending a lot of time with people who do.

that's obviously not to say that I am somehow Educated in all this stuff. im pretty open on this blog about me being young & naive & wrong much of the time about how the real world works. so, you know, a lot of shit I just Make Up according to my preconceived notions of the military & the world.

here is my recommended military/navy reading list, some fiction and some nonfiction.

someone also asked recently if I had read anything good in the last 6 months--yes!! three new additions to my reading list: a) Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk by Ben Fountain. So goddamn good. If you have to read only one novel about the Iraq War, make it this one. It's more about America than it is about Iraq. b) Redeployment by Phil Klay. This one is a collection of short stories about Marines in Iraq, written by a USMC vet, talk about inside baseball. Crazy amounts of jargon in here, basically a "to-google" list. won the national book award which idk if it deserved, but it's good. c) No true glory: A Frontline Account of the Battle of Fallujah by Bing West. currently reading this one, really well done so far, talks a lot about how fucked the US strategy was in Iraq with Fallujah serving as a metonymy/case study for the war itself.

again... this is all mostly close-quarters-combat (infantry) literature, I really am not that interested in the navy/Air Force that much outside of top gun lol

though I did recently remember that in early 2022, before I was into top gun, I read "Wingmen" by Ensan Case, which is actually a gay US naval aviator romance set in WWII published in 1979! it's really authentic and kind of sad, obviously, since it was a 1940s navy gay love story published in 1979. I don't actually think Wingmen influenced how I wrote wwgattai or how I think of TG/TGM but I just remembered that I read that book in February 2022 and going "oh my god they were wingmen" so maybe you might find that book interesting.

[youraverageaemondsimp]

Just a rant.

I just, I don't know what's been going on with me, I sit down to write yet I can't type a single word in without hating the sentence I've written. I just don't have the motivation for some reason, and my schooling education are hectic too.

I genuine apologize for those who are waiting for my fics.

I think it might be writers block, but it's also the fact that I'm not as passionate about the show anymore? It mainly has to do with the fact on how the writers ruined the entire plot, it's just really disappointing to see your favorite show you were once passionate about get shit treatment with the plot. I wish season 2 never happened, sure there were good things but after watching it I genuinely lost all my interest in the franchise.

Dont get me wrong, I love the show and the characters, but idk how to explain it. I've looked forward to season 2 for two years, starting contributing to the fandom after one year of the shows release because I liked it a lot.

I am probably gonna rewatch season one or read the books again to reignite that once f&b fan in me.

[needtoloveoutloud]

Apparently, a hot take on hive-mind tumblr?

Every time I see a post that equates pro-shipping or difficult, problematic themes in (fan) fiction and books and other stories with actual, real-life SA or whatever the topic is, I automatically assume that the OP lacks critical thinking skills and media literacy, fell for the dangerous Puritan movement that's sort of going on in the US (and other countries, too) right now and is likely 14 y/o (or at least mentally stuck at that age) and simply jumped up on that dangerous bandwagon of wanted censorship.

Also, a little bit of hope dies within me.

I could write a damn essay on why equating the “experiences” of fictional (read it again: fictional aka NON-EXISTENT characters) with the trauma and experiences of real-life people is incredibly harmful and hurtful.

To somehow put the plot of a story on the same level as what actual victims went through under the guise of "omg you write/read something like that, so you must support this" is so disrespectful, on so many levels. To everyone affected.

(for example: in my story, I wrote about a 4 y/o girl that got kidnapped by child-traffickers. Does not mean that I a) condone that shit in any way shape or form in the real world and b) am a kidnapper and/or child trafficker myself...? I don't even know why this needs to be clarified?)

Only because some people don't like something that does!not!actually!harm! a real-life person, doesn't mean that that thing should be forbidden or censored. This is so, so incredibly dangerous. I feel like we have learned nothing from history. How about we just start burning books again? That worked out amazingly in the past and wasn't a catalyst for any big issues at all, right?

Assuming stuff is properly tagged, it's your own responsibility for what you consume online. If you are under 18, this applies too. A lot of authors feel uncomfortable to sharing their work with minors, which is completely fine, and they are in the right to do that. If you still continue to read a story (or in the case of AO3, click "accept" when the warning pops up that a story might include adult themes (graphic description of violence, sex, language, whatever, really): then it is on the minor (or the parents who didn't oversee their child's internet activity). Authors are not their parents or guardians. If minors have unrestricted access to the internet (which I am not sure they should have, at least not when you're 12 or something, but then again: I'm no one's parent), then all you can do is learn by experience. You lie and pretend you're older than you are? You click "understand" and read a story that involves adult themes?

If you do all that, despite the site's warning or the author's warning, then you do not get to complain that the story is intended for people who are older than you, have more media literacy and critical thinking skills to be able to differentiate between fiction and real life or the fact that the story contains adult themes — as it was tagged. WHATEVER adult themes are included.

Trying to censor stuff or illegalize things only because YOU subjectively think they are wrong or immoral or whatever opens the door to a lot of dangerous effects that we, in a civilized society, had to work hard to bounce back from in the past — historically speaking.

Some countries still have major restrictions and censorship of stories, books, and whole websites (that do not harm people) and it was often possible to implement such laws and censorships because it was argued (in the beginning) that it was for the protection of young people or because all porn is inherently bad or stuff like that. Then, it opens the doorway to a lot of other censorship, and then it's too late or very, very hard to reverse.

Idk, there are just so many things wrong with the notion of "anti-shipping" or "I wanna censor shit you read/write because I don't like it/think it's immoral" and, personally, it just rubs me the wrong way.

God, I can already feel people starting a discussion or blocking me or unfollowing me or whatever. And you know what's the beauty of it? You can do that — because we, luckily, have the power and responsibility to be in charge of what content we actively consume online. :)

P.S. I shouldn't have to say this, but obviously (as stated) my take on all of this only applies to fictional characters. Writing SA stories on real, existing people (celebrities or not) is not okay.

Feel free to ignore this, feel free to jump in to discuss this topic like adults, idc, really :D Just wanted to voice my thoughts to the vast void of the interwebs

Also: feel free to help educate me if you think I lack background information or stuff.

[arsonisticscholar]

I’ve officially seen every twilight movie

As much as people make fun of it they’re not objectively bad movies

However

I didn’t love it

Spoilers:

I don’t like the two love interests, I never liked Edward’s personality and as much as Jacob’s started out great it just went downhill from when he joined the wolf pack. I also hate how they “fixed” the love triangle by making Jacob imprint on a fucking infant. I guess Edward and Bella’s relationship was stable by the end of it but the movies didn’t do a great job at showing their actual emotional connection and just put emphasis on how often they kiss and fuck and as much as Bella and Jacob had such a good dynamic in the second movie it just wasn’t it bc at that point Bella was already set on Edward even if she did end up loving Jacob as well

There were like three major female characters and one was the protag so it felt very…. Idk how to describe it but yk what I mean

However I did love Bella and Alice’s relationship and I LOVE how they fleshed out Rosalie’s character and tbh she might be one of my favorite characters in the whole thing. As much as she didn’t like Bella at first she’s still a girls girl when it comes down to it and I love that she a, was willing to go against the family if there was even a little doubt that Bella wanted to become a vampire and b, DID go against the family when she said she wanted to keep the baby. If I go through with reading the books it might just be to see how fleshed out her character really is because oh boy the development in this one

I also just generally love the concept of vampires and where wolves and I feel like the movies really didn’t do it justice, like there could have been so much world building potential to be fleshed out and really make it feel like a real world, but other than when Bella was researching vampires at the start, it was only touched upon when immediately relevant and I could tell that it only skimmed the surface of what it *could* be and it was really disappointing when they wasted all of that potential

In the last movie I LOVED the sequence where Alice was showing the leader guy the battle sequence, it was such great execution and absolutely amazing storytelling and was such a shock when they revealed that none of that battle happened and the whole thing was a vision being shared, that one was something that I really really enjoyed especially going into these movies basically blind, I was shocked when I thought carlac died and then 100x more shocked when it turned out actually none of that happened and it was honestly great

I thought it was cool when Bella figured out how to harness her powers and I liked that the child with a name I will not say or type isn’t the only one of her kind, I like that it’s something that (to some) is a known reality and not necessarily a once in a lifetime occurrence. I also like how yes the vampires with the abilities are more powerful than those without, it doesn’t take away from the fact that even without special abilities a vampire is still a vampire and is very strong and fast and all the things and can possibly take on one with a power

Tldr: the movies weren’t great and there are enough things that I disliked that I wouldn’t watch them again however due to the potential of the characters and worldbuilding I might consider reading the books since my mom already owns all of them

[megaawkwardhuman]

ok so now that memo is human and isn't in the right head space to be a vampire atm what do we do now?

welp a common fan idea I see being passed around is making memo a witch (if he can never get properly prep himself to become a vampire)

I mean memo has direct ties to witches all the way back in season 2 and if nandermo get together memo will have a good supply of supplies if you know what I mean

now I'm really REALLY down with this idea (I'd love for him to be a vamp buuuuut I wouldn't be mad if he ended up becoming a witch ya know?) but there's like one big thing that makes this thing seem not at all possible is the fact that this show ain't known for bringing up things that happen in past episodes/minor characters much

don't get me wrong half of the reason I love this show is that bat shit crazy things happen/are implied/are said and then just never get brought up again (that kinda shit is my jam)

buuuut in order for the whole thing to work guillermo is going to need witches and the witches from the episode of the same name have never been brought up since that episode

so that's it then? there's no chance it'll happen? here's my little take

well 1 we all thought evie wasn't going to show up ever again and she was in this season

plus this show is very unpredictable and they might just show up one day so jot that down

2 and the whole reason why I'm making this post people tend to forget one tiny little thing

THE GUIDE KNOWS MAGIC

and this isn't a one and done thing no no no

she's used it in seasons 4 and 5 and they were used in big ways (well at least as big as a b plot)

and the guide herself likes memo enough to spare him from being trapped in season 5 episode 9

so here's what I'm pitching:

the way (or at least a way) you become a witch in wwdits canon is through reading and learning from books

books that the guide canonically have, have read, and on the rare occasion use

books she could share with memo!

so in season 6 I think we should see the guide and guillermo interact and talk to each other more

maybe after a bit have the guide slowly but surely teach him some magic (maybe guillermo asks her out of curiosity? maybe she's using it as an excuse to talk to him more? idk idk)

and after a bit if guillermo likes it have him borrow books from her and become a full on witch!

[physalian]

Can I complain about modern fantasy book titles and covers for a second?

I don’t like these books anyway. Why doesn’t matter, they have their audience and I’m not part of it. But eight whole books, and I read seven of them (not Assassin’s Blade) a few years ago now, and I could not tell you in what order they should be read if someone handed me a blind pile, or even what cover belongs to each book because they’re so painfully generic (and missing numbers on their spines).

Nor could I tell by the titles which are also painfully generic. Yeah they read like fantasy titles but there’s nothing distinct about them, they’re just fantasy buzzwords and they’re so vague that even Tower of Dawn leaves me vaguely recalling that kingdom with the giant birds, I think? Heir of Fire might be the romantic side quest that lasts an entire book, but that’s based more on my memory of the order of events than the title or cover would suggest.

Blank of X and Y she used for ACOTAR (which I did not read and know nothing about so I skipped them) is just so boring to me if the Mad Lib is nothing special. “Heir of Fire” could be a Game of Thrones fanfic for how unique and evocative the title is. A Court of Thorns and Roses literally stole the cadence of A Song of Ice and Fire but guess what?? Those aren't just nonsense words. Ice and Fire and how they're related are hugely thematic and relavent elements in those books. "Thorns and Roses" just ripped off a Poison song.

I assume these were the original covers since they’re not so manicured and actually have character. The titles are the same but the colors are so much bolder and the imagery isn’t a greyscale girl for 7 out of 8 titles. They’re distinct and memorable and while they’re still not evocative of the actual story, if I was a bigger fan of the books I’d probably have stronger associations. They do try. I have fuzzy memories coming back of EOS having the cool pirate with the map hands, KOA being the climactic battle book, QOS... might be the boring side quest with the dragons. This does not look like assembly line popcorn fantasy. This looks like it has heart, and an air of mystery. They draw you in and have you asking questions, they have you wanting to know more.

These books are, in my opinion, superior in many ways to anything SJM has written, but the covers? The exact same problem on steroids. And I only read four of them, there’s six total apparently. King’s Cage is the best title of the bunch. I know immediately from the title “that’s the one where the protagonist spent the whole book as a political prisoner in, you know, the king’s cage”.

But the covers, though they all share the same aesthetic and would look pretty on the book shelf, are absolutely devoid of any and all context within the book, save King's Cage. They’re all feminine crowns and tiaras, too. They could have at least given a man’s crown or at least something with harsher angles and thicker lines to evoke, idk, maybe the titular character the third book is about? It helps that the series (at one point) was only four books so it was less titles and ambiguous covers to juggle, but now there’s six so I guess that’s out the window.

Pretty, but purely window dressing. The best thing they have going for them is how distinctly minimalist they are that sets them apart from other fantasy.

I have incredibly mixed feelings about these books but the colors. Very much carrying on the PJO tradition of titles that actually fit the books and art to go along with it. There’s so much drama and movement to each one and they are, once again, scenes from each book, so many little details to look at. Festus was a huge part of TLH, then Percy's back in action, front and center in SON, then... uh, MOA... then Percy and Annabeth looking scared shitless in HOH and then... uh, BOO. Exists.

They all draw you in and I very much remember the cover drop for House of Hades and losing my mind over it. Much more face-focused than the reserved originals, much bolder, but still, mostly, Percy Jackson.

I looked this up on google images and couldn’t even read the titles there tiny at the bottom. The exact same color scheme for every single book. This is for the box set, I know that, so the spines all make one image when you line them up, but the spine doesn’t have to be the same image as the front cover.

That said, the cover images are still distinct and still hold true to the originals—showing actual elements from the books, like Blackjack and Polyphemus and the Labyrinth. Updated but a bit too sleek for my tastes (maybe that’s just nostalgia talking). The titles though, love the titles. At least they kept the series number on the covers (unlike TOG or RQ).

Now this. This here. These have everything. Bold, distinct colors on the spines, beautiful unique and very fantastical art, art that actually pertains to the book it’s about with an air of mystery every single time. You want to ask why there’s a kid floating in Long Island Sound, who that giant eye belongs to, who has that pegasus so frightened, what’s in the golden coffin, and… well the last one is just noire and I like it.

The titles, though. The. Titles. “Sea of Monsters” cannot in any way match up with the plot of the rest of the series. These covers are perfection.

Now I did not read these books, just saw the movies. These covers are dated, but there still wonderfully, charmingly whimsical, for an entire series about wizards and witches. The colors are distinct, the font choices reflect the vibes of each book, the art depicts the stories within the pages—Harry joining the Quidditch team, Fawkes coming to the rescue, Buckbeak, the mermaid egg thing and the other competitors in the Tri-Wizard Tournament, the (I think?) prophecy room/Ministry of Magic, the Remembrall (I think??), and, you know, the last one is cool too. The style of the drawings are rather unique to Harry Potter. Harry also visibly ages across each one.

The titles themselves, like PJO (while predating PJO so setting the trend I’m aware) cannot be separated from their books. Order of the Phoenix? That’s the book about the Order of the Phoenix. Deathly Hallows is about, shocker, the Deathly Hallows.

Putting Twilight here at the bottom. I like these despite them being minimalist because, unlike every other cover on this list, they’re minimalist fantasy. Barely urban fantasy. The red and white motifs are evocative of the romance genre and vampire fiction and at least the covers of Twilight and Breaking Dawn do reference scenes in their books, with Edward catching the apple in the cafeteria and them playing chess on their honeymoon.

They also speak to a more adult, mature audience with the sleeker look. These are romance novels with vampires, *not* fantasy novels with romance. You see any of those covers among other adult romance in a bookstore and they’re going to catch your eye. The titles… eh. Not so much. Nothing to do with the story they just sounded pretty and evocative but this is romance, not fantasy, they’re supposed to be sensual and evocative and “Bella Swan and The Broody Vampire Boy” would not at all fit that vibe.

—

It’s not like these modern fantasy novels are devoid of creative terminology. I don’t like SJM at all but her books did have some really creative and wonderful moments in isolation. It’s like the publishers were afraid to be authentic and sincerely fantastical, so they went with something safe and clean and uninspired both in title and in art.

“Throne of Glass” means nothing to me and could be applicable to like, four of the books in that series. If I squint I can see it as a metaphor for the fragile state of the ruling house but there is quite literally glass everywhere so maybe it’s just one cool element—that should have then been on the cover—but like, the whole book is about the Assassin’s trial, right? So call it The Assassin’s Trial or Tournament of Assassins. You know. The plot of the book, not just one random ass element in the background.

Be authentically fantastical, or don't write fantasy.

[ca-suffit]

I've always had this weird impression that in this fandom it's seen as intellectually superior to be for polyam relationships.I know about the poly nature of Rice's vampires.

but the show made it clear from the start that they are jealous and possessive, Sam himself said that Lestat is monogamous at heart.

Why the poly discourse is so pushed because from what I was able to gather from other fans who have read the books even in the Chronicles it's not so much the polycule paradise as some try to make it believe?

Obviously everyone is free to their preferences but I have the impression that it is almost become shameful to prefer one particular pairing for each characters.

There's a lot of layers to this answer tbh. I'll try to go in order of what I've noticed are the most prominent reasons for this of what I've observed over the years.

a) It's another stand in for "it's gothic romance," "they're all monsters" type logic. It gives the illusion of being deep while rly just removing any real attempt at conversations ppl don't want to have (or don't have the range to have). This can also tie into fandom racism bcuz it smooths over discussions of *why* ppl might prefer certain pairings.

b) Shipping wars *are* annoying, so that is a legit reason. Usually the real reason is part a but this is still in there a tiny bit.

c) It *does* make ppl feel special. This and BDSM topics are some ppl's whole fandom personality bcuz fsr ppl think this is all unique in fandom spaces idk. This goes back again to how a lot of ppl read the VC books as children and still think it's brand new information when they're 45 years old in 2024.

The books do *not* get into polyam relationships well at all. The only thing that makes it vaguely polyam is that there's a sentence here and there of ppl kissing each other, living together, traveling together, whatever. She never explores any deep dynamics of anything. Nothing is ever laid out in full. They don't speak about these relationships with each other. The show did more to talk about it on any level than the books did. Even for any monogamous relationships, she doesn't explore much of anything as the books go on. That's a lot of what makes everything feel so unsatisfying. There's no substance to anything. She places characters around each other and uses words to force a depth of relationship that the readers don't feel otherwise bcuz she didn't write it lol. Whether it's conflict or romance, it all falls flat the more it goes.

[mejomonster]

I'm FINALLY watching mystery of the abyss and:

If you took a shot for how many tentacles were in this you'd be dead

I AGAIN wanna know why there's not more tentacle fic in dmbj given how MUCH there is in canon goddamn

Idk if hei xiazi put glow in the dark paint on Xiao hua or a spell lmao but that's so funny "see ya bro im sure you'll be careful lmao I ain't going" ALSO: proceeds to put a tracker on u because u are actually his honey his sweetie pie his darling and even tho ur a greedy shady tomb raider who wants his skill and he ADAMANTLY refused u, he is still going to track u just in Case he needs to save u alright then. Sap hei xiazi I see you I see you

So many SO MANY tentacles. Npss I feel like u should explain some. Stuff

This makes me wanna go watch Tomb of the Sea cause that show In Particular made the early tentacle scenes particularly horrifying like I was legitimately in terror (versus this movie where I'm like lmao when does it turn into very fucked up tentacle porn because it's very Particularly rendered and hei xiazi and Xiao hua are huddled together ToT). On a heavier note I suddenly remember how abusive Li Cu's dad was and how complicated I felt about wu xie being his new surrogate caretaker who at once was Also Toxic and using him no doubt (taking after San shu and no doubt a whole family line of that shortcoming) but at the same time Wu Xie DOES care about people and IS actually loving (even people he hates he can feel compassion for) and so even as messed up as he was in an "action adventure criminal caretaker" way? He was still so much Better than Li Cu's own dad. And now I'm sad ;-;

Npss really I want an explanation an Explanation why do you ship heihua so much now? Why is this a thing? I mean I'm okay with it I enjoy it I LIKE it but. Why did you go this direction. Also npss I insist that you lovingly render near tentacle porn at some point since ur dancing around the concept and frankly have been since Tomb of the Sea and if i have to watch this absolutely horrific bugs-in-people shit you might as well indulge and scar us in other ways

This is like b movie horror EXCEPT the bugs which are fucking horrific. A good tomb raiding story romp!

No I'm not getting over the like 20 tentacles i saw on screen in the past 40 minutes

I want so much backstory on heihua. Desperately!!! I want to know HOW AND WHEN THEY MET, HOW AND WHEN THEY TEAMED UP FIRST. Please. Which book is it in, I'll go read it ;-;. I know in Ultimate Note they kinda play with them first meeting but I want... book...

I love Ji Xiaobing so much. He was my favorite in Fairyland Lovers. I am tempted to watch SCI Mystery for him. I love his acting So Much I'm glad he's Xiao hua in this

So like. We are getting another movie with him and ji chen right? Or another show??

[captain-aralias]

giving birth

idk, i'm pretty sure some people wouldn't write a post about going into labour on tumblr, but it's a thing i wanted to write about, so - it's here if you want it! if you'd rather avoid, don't click the read more.

things normal people might want to know outside the cut:

baby is now 11 days old <3 things are generally going well. i sleep between about 11pm and 3am, and then again 8am to 10am

it's been hard to get enough brain together to write a post like this, reply to comments, read fic, etc, as many of my most cogent hours have been visitor hours or hanging out with my partner. the night shift is not a good time to do things that aren't watching TV. i've managed to Read Half a Book (daisy jones and the six - easy going, i like it)

i was going to cosplay him as baby simon snow left at the orphanage, but he looks nothing like simon (much more like baz - currently: grey eyes, reddish-gold skin, dark hair), and also i don't want to write on my baby :o

surprise fourth entry: we think the terrace house next door has been turned into a brothel ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ok - birth stuff after this. not too much gory detail, probs, but some.

the beginning part you already know!

waters broke on thursday 11th, just after i woke up. this was two days after the stitch was removed, and therefore almost certainly related, so hooray for stitch! kept the baby in until 37 weeks.

i'd been worried that i might not realise my waters had broken, as apparently this is totally possible. i am here to tell you - that YES, it is possible. i clocked what it probably was immediately, but also it wasn't a 4 cups of liquid is everywhere sort of deal, it was more like - about half a cup every hour or so. and so i thought - this is probably what is happening, but maybe it's not and i should have done more pelvic floor exercises.

went to hospital. got hooked up to the machine that monitors baby heartbeat and movement. nothing much happening, although heartbeat all ok. the midwife on duty was called 'merlyn' - true story.

she asked me to walk around for a bit and come back, so my partner and i walked to the costa coffee inside the hospital. i ordered one of the new 'bubble' drinks, because i thought - why not? it's sugary and cold, these are things that make babies move. the drink was...... not good. blueberry slushy with cream on top and bubbles that were a) too big to fit through the absolutely normal straw and b) apparently were a cross between blueberries and popping boba. i say apparently as i'd given up by then and my partner ate them.

anyway - this detail included just to show you how surreal and nothingy early labour was. we walked back, hooked back up to the machine. baby now kicking a bit, and merlyn asked me whether i just had a really high pain tolerance and therefore wasn't upset about the contractions. i said, 'i dont know - guess we're about to find out' 🤔

agreed i probably wasn't in labour yet, so i was sent home, but asked to come back at 4.30 for my pre-scheduled scan with the nice doctor who first realised my cervix was open, and who we've seen regularly since (because my partner rang to complain when we had no follow up, and because this doctor was the one who rang us back and then made sure we were seen afterwards. not brilliant work from NHS administrators).

was also told if i didn't go into labour before hand, to come back at 8.30am (24 hours after waters broken) to be induced. given leaflet about induction methods. key take away - could take up to 3 days. sounds terrible.

home for 2 hours, back to hospital for scan.

we were waiting around for about half an hour. shown in - doctor says, 'we've had some difficult patients today, sorry! but you should be easy'. my partner tells her my waters have broken - she's surprised! (but pleased) no one has managed to tell her or put it in any notes, which she just reviewed. again - great job. i do love you NHS, but what is going on? a student midwife is trying to scan me - and has had to deal with all these previous difficult cases. with little amniotic fluid left, her job is basically impossible. sorry :'(

but - waters breaking confirmed! honestly, until that point i was still not sure. doctor says, induction could be offered immediately, but we mostly don't do that as in almost all cases you go into labour before 24 hours. i said thank you again for spotting my cervix being open. weird to think we won't see her again!!

went home. watched the end of 'little dorrit' (overall - it's good. so many famous people. the ending is a bit all over the place, though). about 9pm started feeling period-pain type pain. figured: probably a contraction! definitely did not feel like i expected in that there was no real release. it was just - now you're having a painful period. i called maternity triage again to say there was blood in the water now, and they reminded me that was totally normal (mucus plug, i guess) and to come back when things were serious.

so - i went to sleep.

woke up at about 2am. contractions now serious business, but also still... not as serious as i'd expected. again: basically it felt like period pain, this time crossed with constipation. and then it would go away, and i'd feel totally normal again, which i was not expecting.

we'd been told to come in when the contractions were every 5 minutes for an hour. my contractions were coming about ever 2-3 minutes. after about 20 minutes, i told my partner that i wanted to go to the hospital now, even if we should really wait. this was the RIGHT decision.

i'm the only one who can drive our car. it was obviously not a good idea to drive the car. i called an uber. unfortunately the labour ward is on the other side of the hospital to the main entrance, and doesn't have an address you can give uber..... retrospectively i'd have done better just putting in the street, like i usually did, but i tried to use the labour ward post code. we ended up at the main entrance, which was shut.

erin (my partner) keeps telling people that the uber drive was annoyed i slammed the door of his car, but i honestly do not remember this. the drive was about 10 minutes, during which i alternated between feeling bad and feeling totally fine.

we didn't bother trying to direct the driver to the right part of the hospital, just got out. erin wanted to go and get a wheelchair, but i didn't want to just sit on the ground outside the hospital in the middle of the night while she did that, and i felt completely fine ... except when i didn't.

so we walked to the labour ward. it's about 5 minutes from the entrance. i sat on the floor when the contractions came. then walked again. cool times.

arrived at maternity triage. again, it felt like going there every other time we'd ever been there - my key take away is that most of being in labour was extremely underwhelming. pain was not great, to the extent that i was thinking 'i can see why people don't like labour, maybe this was a terrible idea', but i could still think things like that. they hooked me up to the same machine as they had in the morning, and this time it said - yes, definitely in labour (which i knew, but ho hum - it was doing its best!).

asked to confirm i was a low risk pregnancy. we were like - nope, don't think so. ivf, stitch, isnt that in the notes??

a midwife came over and was like - "WOW, you're 8cm dilated." (of the necessary 10cm) at which point they started to take everything a bit more seriously. but they also described a bunch of pain relief options - and i was like, whatever, give me whatever i can have. and then was told - oh no, you actually can't have pethadine, water birth, or epidural of these as you're too far along. (which i also knew, but then why offer?)

i'd sort of suspected this might be the case, given how my cervix tried to open at 21 weeks. so my birth plan was basically 'whatever'. v glad i hadn't had my heart set on anything in particular.

they wheeled me down the corridor to one of the birthing rooms. they wouldn't let me go to the toilet in case i had the baby in the toilet..... that's how quickly things were happening.

i managed to change into the hospital gown, then got onto the bed. 'this is such a comfortable bed' i told my partner, although later (post birth) i realised that it wasn't... but i appreciated it a lot at the time.

i WAS allowed gas and air, hurrah. i'm extremely keen on doing things that make my life easier, so i accepted, obvs. basically, you breathe in during the contractions, and breathe out of the mask normally when you're not contracting.

THIS made the whole experience very different from just 'intense period pain', in part probably because the pain was ramping up, but also because whenever i wasn't contracting i felt completely off my face from the gas. overall, i thought this was a decent pain relief option. i also liked how breathing in the gas gave me something to focus on while pain was happening and it was a clear signal to everyone else that it was happening.

i probably had about... 5 more before my body was like 'maybe time to push'. (it really did feel different/like an actual urge). midwife told me i couldn't have the gas and air anymore - boo - just focus on pushing when the urge came.

pushed...... but obviously it hurt, so even though they were like 'keep pushing!' i thought, i will just relax because that's less painful. (great job, brain.) but i only faked out twice.

they invited a doctor in, because i was bleeding, and baby's heartrate was dropping. i agreed to the episiotomy because even though i reeeally didn't want that, i obviously would do whatever to get the baby safe.

retrospectively, my partner and i think that probably i was bleeding because i'd just had the stitch out two days before and those wounds had opened. but neither of us thought of it at the time, and no one assisting with the birth had had time to read the notes. (this is a theme of the post, not to be too whingey - but it was a shame). but anyway, the cutting (boo) came with a side of local anaesthetic (HOORAY) so actually it felt like a very good decision at the time, even above baby's safety.

one more contraction, one more push - baby was born in one go.

he's premature-levels of small at 5lb 10oz (5th percentile), even though he's technically full term. this is why erin and i think the bleeding was from the stitch rather than the baby, although one of the midwives suggested perhaps he was holding his arm up next to his face and that made him seem bigger. the scan we got the day before estimated his weight as being more normal, but scans are super unreliable particularly late in pregnancy.

really a very easy birth, as far as i can tell. i had slept through a lot of the early stage. the fear of being at home at not with medical professionals was the worst bit (and we fixed that by just going in even when we weren't sure) and as soon as it was over, i felt immediately fine. the whole thing had taken 2 hours tops. baby born at 4.30am.

i thought i'd cry when they gave me the baby, but actually i was too surprised that he was actually there and alive. (my partner cried.) the umblical cord looks creepy and alien. we'd agreed a medical professional should cut the cord, rather than erin (who wants to do this? they just want dads to feel involved). i got to hold him baby while they gave me the shot to deliver the placenta. barely felt it.

then had to give baby to erin for 30 minutes while a fuck tonne of stitches were put in... the amount of sewing involved was definitely worrying. i'd assumed maybe like... two stitches, but... it was a lot. can't recommend (though could not feel it at the time.)

after that, we just got to hang out in the room. i showered, changed, they brought me (but not erin) some breakfast and lunch. they did tests on the baby, most of which he passed. didn't pass the hearing test but apparently this is normal, as lots of babies have fluid in their ears. we think he can hear as he has startled at loud noises since. all the clothes i'd brought were hilariously too big.

sent home about 12 hours after the birth. could have stayed if we'd wanted to, but definitely did not.

i felt totally fine the entire day of the birth, full of LOTS of adrenalin. second day was also ok. third day was my crash. i got a cold, which was NOT good for my pelvic floor (and which i still have, RIP). my stitches hurt, the sleep debt had kicked in and i was hobbling everywhere, and breastfeeding wasn't going well. before the birth i'd been very much of the opinion that i'd breastfeed if it was easy, but i found it kind of weird and knew the health benefits were exaggerated. (but not completely, obviously). deep in my hormones, i was not able to hold onto this previously rational view. instead, i was thinking - i have no connection to my baby anymore.

i also cried at the song 'making a man' from the musical operation mincemeat (which is NOT an emotional song - but is about someone with the same name as my baby, who i'd just made), the beginning of the movie 'in the heights' (it was just so good!), the ending of the movie 'pride', and i cried again while describing what had happened at the end of 'pride' and how i'd cried.....

bought several breast pumps, fed the baby formula, took a day off from trying to breastfeed, things pretty much fixed for me (except for the crying at movies) by day 5. going to continue with combination feeding (i.e. breastmilk+formula) though, because it just seems insane to have to wake up every time the baby is hungry. what am i, a sadist? and when people are over - how good not to have to get your breasts out... thank you makers of formula.

ANYWAY. we're now on day 11. feels like baby is pretty easy going for a baby, he only cries when he needs something - which i appreciate, as it helps me keep him alive \o/ he will sleep in his basket, but only if he's already asleep. he prefers to be held. he can sleep for 3 hours at a time, but only during the day - at night you're lucky to get 1 hour, and he has been awake for about 2 hours at a time, unlike about 15 minutes average in the day. he smells nice, he wasn't cute-cute when he first came out, but he is getting extremely cute now and i think he looks more like my partner than an unknown donor (although still all to play for, i think). because he's still super small and almost pre-term, his legs and arms are still all curled up like he's in the womb, even though he's been out 11 days. but he's gradually uncurling them and stretching out.

i like holding him. he makes funny faces. he has a LOT of hair - which means the heartburn was right about that one. (n.b. heartburn is linked to hair, this is an old wives tale that is now scientifically proven) think it's going well, overall <3

n.b. i had to pause at this point because baby woke up. what they say about baby boys peeing on you while you change their nappies is 100% accu-rat, but it's quite funny really. we haven't worked out how to stop it because putting a cloth over him makes him hold it in..... and then you remove the cloth....... fine comedy in action.

my bump was very small, so i was able to put my pre-pregnancy jeans back on after only a few days. hooray, i love jeans.

uterine contractions started about day 6 (this is a thing i feel i did not know about before being pregnant myself. 7 days worth of contractions post baby to bring your uterus back in line). wow, it's like MORE PERIOD PAIN. great. there's less blood than i expected, though. i also can't control my temperature well at night - so i'm super hot while asleep, then get out of bed and start shivvering. apparently this is what the menopause will be like. looking forward to that 😅

not much else to add except the brothel stuff. basically 2 nights ago, someone knocked on my front door at 4.30 (same time baby was born!) in the morning as i was sitting up with baby. rang the doorbell, walked round to peer through the window, and then knocked again. i would not have answered - just wanted him to go away, but erin came down and opened the door, which was (it turns out) the right thing to do, but i was not happy about it - as we live in a semi-dodgy neighbourhood, although i've always felt relatively safe as we're off the highstreet and there are often people outside the pub until 1-2am, which is annoying but also feels like they'd see and stop anything bad.

i was running through scenarios like 'and then he breaks in' or 'and then he stabs whoever opened the door' in my mind. instead he just said something like - 'do you know where the whorehouse is?' and erin said 'wtf, it's 3am' and closed the door.

this could have just been a random incident, and indeed i didn't hear him say 'whorehouse' so i thought it was just a drunk guy asking for directions. but once she told me what he'd said, we then realised that the house next door to us... probably is a brothel. it's been renovated by our ex-neighbours and rented out, all the windows are blacked out, including the skylight we can see out of our windows. there's a complex doorbell system, they refuse to take our packages in, they don't have any bins out the front (which is presumably because no one is using the house as a house), and we've definitely heard people having sex through the walls. though erin thinks they've put up sound insulation just in time to not have to hear the baby crying in retaliation.

she's american and leftie and very against cops, so i'm trying not to be a karen about it. i have not reported it to the police, but i have said to erin already that if anything else happens that makes me feel unsafe...... i probably will. the man knocking on the door makes me not want to be awake with the baby in the night, even though nothing happened. (he broke the first rule of secret brothel - you DONT talk about secret brothel). we don't have our ex-neighbours details, so reporting is all we could do. apart from i guess ask them to move.... (won't be doing that, obvs. confrontation? no thanks.)

hopefully it's fine, and they will just move on at some point. VERY weird, though. and not what i need while hopped up on hormones.

glad to have written this post! feels like a good turning point in baby land, being able to write some words even if it's just this stream of consciousness. i also logged back into work Teams to send some pictures. since he was born, have been out with baby to the midwife (in the car), marks and spencers (in the car with pram), boots (in the pram), and today to a hipster coffee shop (in car, baby slept in pram bassinet). might reply to some comments tomorrow. working back up to actually writing some fic or finishing my lego.

also - it's (almost) hitting me that i have 9 months off work. apart from the sleep, i feel like i could go back to work now.... but i WANT the time off. but usually i only take 2 weeks off, and i've done that now... so it's time to go back to work...

i did read a bunch of other messages on Teams/Slack when i was posting the pictures. v hard not to care. even with something much more important to do.

ok - going to eat some food, now. thank you to anyone who read this far! hope it was interesting as well as long.

not tagging this pregnancy as i was doing it so people could block the tag, but people who don't know me literally found my posts and read them. and ... that's not what this is for.

[destinyc1020]

U said yesterday that Kaia can seem dismissive to ppl she dnt have to b kind to. Is there a example of that?

Yea, idk it's just a vibe that I pick up on with her.

I'm not saying she's mean, I'm just saying that she reminds me of one of those privileged nepobabies who grew up rich in Southern California their whole lives, and it's a certain kind of "air" that I can't quite put my finger on.

I think some of the instances that stand out to me are these two:

Once was in Paris and this poor fan was trying to get her attention, and she just kinda swatted her away like a fly lol. 😅

I think the biggest instance I observed was at the Taylor Swift concert that she and Austin went to last year. Kaia walked right past one of the security guards on the way out, but Austin (who was behind her) stopped to talk to the guy (I think he knew him? ) and then Kaia came back to see that Austin was talking to the guy, and then she went to go shake his hand and give him a hug, and Austin just left lol... And then she rushed to go catch up with him. 👀

I wish I could find the video, but it was just interesting.

As someone like Austin who tries to pretty much acknowledge everyone, it's just smthg I've picked up on that Kaia seems totally different from him.

Like I said, she might be nice, especially to people in her "circle", but when you've been raised in the type of rich world that she has, you just have a different way of being. Whereas, Austin comes from a pretty humble lifestyle. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm sure you (and other fans of hers) will most likely disagree with me (and that's okay!), but I'm just being honest about how I feel and going by what I see, and the vibes that I pick up on with her.

I felt the same way when she was dating JE also, so this has nothing to do with her current dating partner.

Like I said, I don't hate the girl.... I actually LIKE that she seems book smart, and well-read, but she's just meh to me.... She also seems like an opportunist. But then again, that's how I feel about a LOT of these young Nepobabies/influencer types lol. 😅 So maybe I'm biased. But it's the same SoCal nepobaby vibe that I get from the Kardashians. 🥴 Just kinda fake... Born in wealth their whole life.... A little vapid/out of touch with REALITY lol.... idk....

Jmho 🤷🏾‍♀️

Idk, maybe one day my thoughts on her will change (ppl can change their opinion on someone, so I don't mind changing my mind on her one day), but for right now, that's the vibe she gives me. Perhaps a sweet girl, but a little out of touch.

[secrettastemakerland]

Answering "Reblog this and let people send you asks (anonymously or not) about how they would describe your fics, your writing style or just anything they've thought about when reading your work" !! HIII okay so I've only read one of your fics so far and it was a short one so I might not be the best person to answer this but I'm so glad you reblogged that post bc I actually do remember getting specific thoughts & feelings when reading one of yours!! I'm not sure if your writing is always like this but in that fic (the one I commented on!!) it felt,,, cozy. it felt warm and familiar and the writing had life to it. it wasn't just Character A walking over to Character B's house (and then room). no, there were explanations, actions, emotions, thoughts and even little bits of humour in between. and that really added to the writing!!!! the story also flowed amazingly!! it was a short fic but it didn't even feel rushed!! everything just felt natural. it was all cohesive from one paragraph to the next and I adore that!! and the descriptions were wonderful!!! painted an image in my mind very easily. one I can only describe the image as love. if the fic was an artwork, it'd have a soft grainy/noisy textured layer over it and the colour palette would be of warm pinks and oranges -- and not just bc I was getting 'sun beginning to set' vibes from it, but also bc of how soft & tender the hurt/comfort in the fic was. also, I remember opening it, reading the first 1 or 2 paragraphs and then getting so genuinely excited bc by then I could already tell you could write well LMAO -- and I was right!! you CAN write well!!! like just in general too!! idk how exactly to explain this but basically what I mean is that you're good at coming up with unique sentences and not super straight-forward plain ones!! but anyways ya!! also, sorry for writing so much!!! I didn't realise I had so much to say 😭😭 (^ /gen to all of the above 💗) - 💎

okay so.

I've been hoarding this for like 2 weeks now and at first I had like the typical kicking my feet, twirling my hair, gotta kiss anon on the mouth (platonically duh) kinda reaction. I was ready to search all of tumblr for the epic poet in my askbox. UNTIL I GOT TO THE END!

I read the end (lol i saw the emoji) and felt magically, red string-a-lly compelled to write a simonette fic. For some strange reason.

So here she is: a slightly longer simonette secret flavored fic!

Jeanette sneezed, readjusted her glasses, and then sneezed again. She wiped her nose miserably before she let out a trio of more sneezes.

Honestly, if the shelves didn't need dusting, she would have stopped. But, alas, Brittany had begged and pleaded with her to do her chores this week in order for her to go on a date.

("And I triple, no, quadruple! promise I won't ask you if we're soulmates this time, Jean!"

"You're not supposed to be asking her that anyway," Eleanor scoffed from the other side of their bedroom.

Brittany stuck her tongue out at her before she returned to her begging and pleading. "Oh, pretty please, Jeanette!")

So Jeanette had agreed, if only to be spared from Brittany's puppy dog pout and crocodile tears combo. That and her obvious hopeless romantic tendencies aside (Brittany's soulmate was a street musician around the corner and, although she wouldn't tell her, she hoped that this date might somehow led her to her soulmate), she really did enjoy working at the shop.

Planting new flowers, experimenting with new potion combinations, organizing, and then reorganizing new spell books, Jeanette loved all of it.

Jeanette pouted as she watched her hat fall to the ground after another round of sneezes. Okay, maybe she didn't love every job at the shop. The heavens above knew that she wasn't exactly helpful during a lunch rush.

Her hand waved the duster with an excited flourish, more than ready to be rid of the dust and its cruel attacks to her nose. Unfortunately, that only made the dust to throw itself back towards her, causing her not only to sneeze once again, but also caused her to sneeze herself right off the ladder, towards the ground.

She let out a breath of relief as she bounced on the summoned daisy bed, catching her fall, returning the smile her little sister was giving her.

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