#after I fix her ofc cause I hate her head but love the details on the chest cavity

[teddy-fluffnhugs]

hm~

[mschievousx]

i wish you love | a.h.

pairing: aaron hotchner x ofc

summary: francesca sainz knows her interests. she likes the dark, crime, profiling, medicine, military, guns, and suits. imagine her surprise when these things come as a person... granted, a "fourty-something unit chief" person, but a person nonetheless.

series masterlist

i. one: keep you warm

"when i tell you i do not like animals, derek, i swear..."

francesca would bet all her money, which is not a lot, but that's how certain she is that derek has something against her and will completely do the opposite of anything she says.

he smirked in mischief as garcia gasped loudly, her eyes widening in offense.

"including pets? what do you have against my furry friends?"

"contrary to popular belief, the opposite of like is not 'not like' but hate. therefore, not liking a thing is neutral, similar to not hating a thing. i'm not against them. i simply do not wish to interact with them."

"actually, it's not—" she nudged the resident genius, gesturing with her eyes and a tight smile, hoping he'll get the hint as she placed her arm on his shoulder and turned to penelope again.

"they're fluffy and cute!"

"and i agree!" franz compensated with a high pitch, "it's not about that—"

her words were lost on the tech analyst as she opened her phone after the notification, "oh, this is so not fluffy and cute."

she walked off to the conference room, the rest of the team already knowing what it means. hotch, dave, and emily are already sat around the table.

"you, my dear crime-fighters, won a ticket to illinois." penelope clicked the remote, presenting identification photos and crime scene pictures, "sadly, at the cost of these three lovely ladies: kathryn cooper, lilian boyle, and mandy clark. all found naked and dead by hanging."

derek looked at the screen, "it's obviously not suicide if we're called in."

"it says here they're 155, 163, and 158 tall. they could not possibly reach the fixed rope with the height of the chair used." jj noted as she scanned the details displayed.

"a mistake?" rossi wondered aloud.

"either that or a taunt. the unsub's confident and displays textbook narcissism, leaving handprints on the victims' waists. what did the forensics say?" reid began the profile as garcia shook her head followed by a gesture to their gadgets.

"no match. there's also a text in each scene. look at their frames, beautiful. i've sent all the details in your tablets."

hotch nodded before pushing away from the table, "good. wheels up in thirty."

 · • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

while the rest of the team started to gather and brainstorm, franz wanted nothing but to smack the person in front of her, walking backwards as she gets back from the galley of the jet.

"kid, i'm only saying it wouldn't hurt to bond with dogs from time to time. let's start with those from fbi. they're trained enough, so it wouldn't be so bad."

she looked at him innocently and spoke with dry humor, "i talk to you everyday, don't i?"

"i—"

"let's go over the case."

hotch called out as derek narrowed his eyes at her, mouthing something in the lines of i will get back at you. they settled on the couch as the rest read over the case.

"the interval of the deaths are two days. what is he doing with them?" emily voiced out, knowing a lot can happen in two days, especially in these cases.

sainz brushed her nose before speaking in her light tone, "i doubt it's sexual. the handprints appear more like sensual. if it was the former, there are more suggestive places to put it."

rossi nodded, putting out another detail, "cause of death are all asphyxiations. the neck ligatures are also deep and rough."

for the minutes to follow, the team discussed the case deeply, going over possible scenarios and theories based on the details given and the facts. they threw information to each other, forming an initial profile as a framework from here on out.

"okay, dave and reid, go to the morgue and check the two bodies."

hotch began designating the tasks to do as soon as they land. hearing this, franz clutched her hands together with her head down, muttering to herself. they all knew what it was about. she has done it a couple of times before—wishing and chanting to be paired up with her unit chief slash the man of her dreams, according to her.

he continued monotonely, closing the file, "jj, speak with the families and note any possible elements at play. morgan and prentiss, be at the crime scene. i'll be setting up at the station."

she held her breath at that, waiting for his confirmation, "sainz, with me."

the trainee pumped her right fist lowly at that with a wide grin, exclaiming a celebratory 'yes' as hotch gave a small smile at her excitement. rossi looked at her with raised brows in amusement and a tinge of humor.

"who were you praying to? you're an atheist."

she turned to the older man, "i was chanting and i'm an agnostic."

"same thing." he shrugged dismissively, unknowingly cueing for reid to inform him of the facts.

"actually, atheists refer to people who do not believe in the existence of god in certainty and confidence, while agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve. they assert the impossibility of knowing either for sure."

the italian only stared at him for a couple of seconds, debating whether to push it or just let it go.

jj turned to the youngest with curiosity, "really? i thought you would be religious, especially given the surname."

"your arrogance is showing, kid." morgan patted her back mockingly as she nod to jj.

"not at all. i think i'm lucky to have the luxury to ponder whether he exists or not." her voice lacked it's usual teasing tone, seemingly replaced by a genuine one, "most people have no choice but to believe."

 · • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

after setting up in the room given to them and pasting all necessary information on the glass board, an hour has passed and the two are now discussing geographic profile.

franz sat on the long table, legs crossed as she leaned forward in thinking of the details in front of them. hotch, with crossed arms and brows, stood in front as he analyzes what could the pinned locations in their map mean.

"three crime scenes forming a triangle... this may suggest convenience, meaning the unsub is from the area."

she leaned back, eyes still on the glass board with doubt, "but that's too obvious. he's smart and confident. that was clear by the handprint, note, and hanging."

he turned to face her, going over the details again like it would trigger them to find something that would help the case.

"the victims work in different fields. their lives never met at any point. but, the unsub clearly didn't pick them in random, judging from the gender and height."

he pocketed his hands, listening to her intently as she looked at him as well, "there's a conflict with the confidence profile. if the unsub's really that confident, like taunting us, why would he only pick easy targets?"

hotch maintained his sight to her, seemingly lost in his thoughts as he racks his brain for what could be the reason of the unsub's paradoxical behavior.

"sir, do not stare blankly at me with your hands in your pockets when you're thinking. i cannot concentrate." she finished with a grin, his eyes refocusing on hers after a few seconds.

"do not grin. we're working a case."

he advised indifferently. she kept her grin to tease his uptightness. however, upon the narrowing of his eyes with clear irk, sainz dropper her grin in an instant, turning back to the glass board with a light cough as if in all seriousness.

the black-suited agent turned to the board as well in realization, "he is confident. they're just his type."

she follows his train of thought, "he's not taunting us. he's showing off to someone else. look at their frames, beautiful. it's not an adjective in that."

her phone sounded, a message from emily as to the last sightings of the victims. reading the content, she unfolded her legs and stood up from the long table to pin the given locations.

"emily said they're last seen at these areas."

"two triangles." he muttered in observation.

dave and reid enter from their trip to the morgue. at the sight of the younger man, she calls for him, hoping the pattern in the map would make sense to him.

"genius, looks familiar?

he nears the two in front of the board, squinting his eyes, "it may be the measurements."

spencer kept his eyes on the map, his mind already calculating to see if he was right. not far away, two voices can be heard nearing the room. prentiss entered first followed by an explaining morgan. she gave the trainee a gesture to him with her head and a smirk.

"all i'm saying is the kid is short. she should not be in the field because the unsub might take interest."

"why—" she paused, looking at him in playful indignation, "what's wrong with you? i'm working professionally here and you talk behind my back."

"hey, i'm just looking out for you," derek raised his arms in surrender before pointing at her with a chuckle, "and you are short."

franz's mouth went agape in exaggeration as she turned to hotch, telling on the man and looking for an ally.

"sir? this is bullying."

"you are." the unit chief pointed out with a hint of humor.

she feigned offense once again before sighing heavily, "the betrayal... you're so lucky i like you." hotch mustered a small smile at that.

"and you," sainz turned back to the enemy, "you don't see me picking on your brains, do you? brawns."

derek scoffed pridefully with a smirk, "there's nothing to pick on me."

"exactly."

she did not miss a beat in replying, confusion on his face before the understanding hit, "wait—"

"the distance from one point to another is equal," reid stated, putting a stop to the banters, "perfectly."

just as they were all trying to review the new additional detail, the local chief's voice rang inside the room.

"there's another one missing."

 · • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

the team went over the details they all gathered from their respective tasks, discussing the patterns again and putting up the profile as hotch went to speak with the family of the missing woman.

after a few minutes, he returned with a finding, nearing the map on the glass board.

"the family said that jana was at this stop when they last called her. she was on her way home yesterday morning after her night shift. same details so far with the other victims."

dave walked to the map, circling the area above the triangle, "the unsub's meticulous with his details and pattern. it's probable that if we do not find her in 15 hours, she'll turn up around here."

"i got something." francesca sat up from her chair, eyes on the note of the unsub in each crime scene, "he's not talking about the figures of his victims. he's talking about literal frames."

"picture frames?" reid asked, trying to see how it all connects.

she spoke with determination, "that's what i'd like to find out."

hotch crossed his arms in thinking of her theory. he nodded, opening the tablet for the case file again, "okay, go with morgan and jj."

they got up from their seats, the two aiming for their coats against the cold season considering it's nearing six in the evening as well.

"where's your coat, franz?" jj asked as they're halfway through the door, noticing the trainee does not have one with her.

she shook her head, trying to act cool mockingly with a pathetic attempt of a deep voice, "i don't wear one. i like the cold."

morgan rolled his eyes, calling for the man who's leaning forward on the long table with eyes down on the case file, "hotch, tell her to wear one."

sainz grinned widely at that, intentionally making her tone dreamily, "no need. his presence is enough to keep me warm."

"take my coat."

hotch calmly said, almost with indifference as he continued to swipe and pinch the gadget's screen, reading the file. they all looked at him at once in silence.

he's a caring person inside—that's not a surprise. the whole team knows that already. however, offering his coat to her is completely different from offering them to others in the team.

everyone knew she would take it differently. how smart of them! because she really did without shame.

"with your scent? i think i'm going to die before we even close this case."

francesca grinned with affection at him. the him in question is still not looking up from his readings, even as the three finally left for the home of one of the victims.

how ironic to feel so warm by someone so cold.

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 24

Hello loves! Hope you guys are having a good day and, if not, hopefully this gives you something to smile about. (You guys might actually like me after reading this episode 😉.)

Anyway, I was going to wait and queue this up to post later this afternoon... but I’ve decided to just post it. There is no point in making you guys wait when it’s already on AO3 and Wattpad (which, by the way, always get the updates first because of how I do my formatting).

To my fellow USA people, Happy Early Thanksgiving.

xoBeccaxo

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: minor language

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in November 2014 and features Chris's mom finally finding out what happened between Chris and Ellie.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 23.5

Episode 24: The One Where Momma Evans Gets Involved

November 25, 2014

Lisa Evans was sorting through her mail when she found a greeting card sized envelope with her name and address handwritten on it. Not recognizing the return address from California, she almost threw it away, assuming it would be an invitation for her in hopes that she'd bring Chris along, but something stopped her.

Turning the envelope over, she saw the company's slogan on the back flap.

"Sharing the gift of reading with kids since 2008."

Heartstrings successfully strung, Lisa opened the envelope and pulled out the card inside. The front had a collage of photos from kids receiving books to volunteers sorting through boxes of books. Written at the bottom was "Thank You for Your Donation".

Eyebrows raised, Lisa turned to the inside of the card and found a folded note along with what was clearly a mass produced thank you card they sent to their donors. Putting the card down on the table, she opened the folded-up piece of paper, finding a handwritten note from the founder and director of the charity. In the letter, the woman expressed her gratitude for Lisa's multiple donations. Explaining that, thanks to her donations alone, they'd been able to buy more books than they'd planned for the year and, therefore, were able to gift even more kids with books.

Lisa was trying to make sense of the whole situation when Scott came into the kitchen. He had arrived on Sunday from Los Angeles to spend Thanksgiving with the family.

"Hey, ma," he greeted, then paused, seeing her confused expression. "What's up?"

"Are you familiar with this charity?" she asked, pushing the card towards him.

Picking it up, Scott saw the pictures and then his eyes caught the wording at the bottom. Specifically, the "donation" part. He didn't know for sure, but he had a feeling that this was the charity Ellie had told her sisters about on her birthday. 

If Lisa hadn't been watching his face, she would have missed the telltale signs of her youngest son trying to think quickly. He glanced at her and tried to mask his expressions, but she was on to him.

"What do you know?" she asked him, calmly but in her best mom voice.

Scott squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze for thirty seconds before he caved. "Ellie made the donations," he told her. "She didn't feel comfortable accepting your money. Not after -"

The sound of heavy footsteps on the stairs made Scott stop talking. Having grown up in the house and around his family members, he could tell the difference between his sisters and his brother coming down the stairs and that was Chris.

Chris appeared in the doorway, a couple seconds later, and froze when Lisa shifted her "mom look" to him. "I didn't do it," he said, automatically.

"Ok, the two of you sit down," Lisa said, shaking her head. "We're going to have a little talk."

"What's going on?" Chris muttered to his brother as they sat down at the dining table.

"Scott was just getting ready to tell me," Lisa answered before Scott had the chance to. "But before I let him finish explaining. I got this in the mail today." She plucked the thank you card out of Scott's hand and handed it and the handwritten letter to Chris.

While he read both, she watched his expression. He looked surprised but pleased. He hadn't known about the donations then, she deduced. Glancing at Scott, she found him unable to sit still. He knew something.

"Seems like a good cause," Chris said, once he had finished reading. "I didn't realize you had made a donation, though."

"That's because I didn't make the donations," Lisa told him. "But Scott told me that Ellie did."

A flash of surprise or maybe shock shot across Chris's face and then he looked at Scott, but Scott avoided his eyes.

Lisa's eyes caught every second of it. She had suspected something wasn't right when Chris came home from filming the new Avengers movie. Then she had noticed the way he and Scott, usually the best of friends, seemed awkward around each other the last couple days. She had figured they'd had an argument or something, but now she had a feeling it went deeper than that.

"What is going on?" she asked her sons. When neither of them spoke up, she sighed. "Alright, fine, I'll tell you what I think is going on."

Pointing at Chris, she said, "You have spent the last six weeks moping around this house like a wounded puppy." He opened his mouth to argue, but she silenced him with a look. "And you and Scott have barely said a word to each other since he has been home. Then this shows up and when I asked Scott about it, he said that Ellie didn't feel comfortable accepting my money."

From the corner of her eye, she saw Scott staring down at the table in front of him. But her eyes were trained on Chris. Her oldest son was normally able to mask his feelings, but that resolve was cracking.

"So here's what I think happened," she said, her tone softening. "I think you and Ellie were seeing each other earlier this year. I don't need or want the full details or even a definition of what you were or weren't. That is between the two of you. And don't lie to me, I saw the two of you with my own eyes. It was obvious."

She saw Chris's jaw tighten and he crossed his arms as she spoke. He was preparing himself for a fight.

"But I think something happened, something went sour between the two of you," she theorized. "Something that made Ellie uncomfortable accepting the money I was paying her and ultimately led to her moving out of the house and eventually quitting." Knowing Chris wouldn't answer her question, she looked at Scott, "Am I on the right track?"

Scott glanced at Chris then at her before giving a subtle nod.

"It doesn't matter if you're on the right track, ma," Chris stated, his voice thick with the emotion he was trying to keep back. "She's moved on. It's over."

"Ellie hasn't moved on," Scott cut in before his mom could say anything.

"You don't have to lie for your friend," Chris snapped, defensively. "I was there. I saw it with my own damn eyes."

"Your own damn eyes -" Scott started, but stopped when he caught his mom's look.

"What did you see?" she asked Chris. "When?"

"It was in July, after you told me Ellie was moving out," he told his mom. "I went to the house. She was with another guy. They were hugging and shit in front of the moving trailer."

As Chris spoke, Lisa shifted her gaze to Scott and watched as he reacted to his brother's words. He went from confused to rolling his eyes by the end. Before she had a chance to say anything, Scott exclaimed, "That was Pierre, you dumb ass!"

"Pierre?" Chris repeated. "Pierre, who?"

"My friend Pierre who has been to your house like a million times," Scott retorted, throwing his hands up. "Pierre who only dates guys and therefore has no interest in Ellie."

Chris's heated expression faded quickly into one of confusion. "Why was he helping her? Where were you?"

"I was at a job," Scott replied, his voice dropping to a calmer tone. "If you had texted me, I would have fucking told you what was going on."

"So you're saying that she hasn't moved on? She isn't dating anyone?" Chris asked, ignoring his brother's jab.

"No, she's single," Scott replied. "She's been trying to get over you. She moved out because it hurt to be in the house with all the memories."

"Excuse me," Chris said, suddenly pushing back his chair. He left the room and they soon heard his footsteps pounding up the stairs.

Lisa stared after him for a moment before another thought crossed her mind. Turning to Scott, she asked, "Is Ellie ok?"

"She will be," Scott said with a small shrug. "I don't know the full story because neither of them wanted to make me hate the other. But it didn't end well between them… and I got caught up in the worst part of the breakup."

Lisa listened while Scott told her about the text he'd received from Chris asking if Ellie was ok. She saw the hurt flicker across his face when he described the conversation that had followed between him and Ellie. By the time he had finished telling her, they were both in tears.

Her heart ached for both her son and for Ellie, her friend. Needing to hug someone, she stood up and walked around the table and wrapped her youngest son in a hug.

"I'm so thankful Ellie had you with her," she told him. "You've been a good friend to her."

"She's become one of my best friends," he replied, sniffling. "And she and Chris... Mom... They're perfect for each other. But I don't know what happened. I couldn't fix it."

"You did your best," she assured him. "Don't worry about Chris, I'll talk to him."

Lisa waited until after dinner and after everyone else had settled for the night before she carried a tray up to Chris's room since he had skipped dinner. She knocked on the door to his room, not sure if he would answer or not.

"I brought you a couple sandwiches," she said, when he opened the door.

"Thanks," Chris replied, stepping back. He gestured for her to come in and then closed the door.

"How are you doing?" she asked him as she sat down on the chair that matched the desk in his room.

Chris shrugged his shoulders from the spot he'd taken on the bed. Then he picked up one of the sandwiches and took a bite. It was only as he started to chew that he realized how hungry he was.

"Sorry I missed dinner," he mumbled.

"It was a tough afternoon," she said, shrugging off his apology. She wanted him to tell her what had happened, but Chris only spoke when he was ready to speak. The fact that he had even let her into the room was a sign that he was almost there.

It wasn't until he'd finished the second sandwich that he started to talk.

"We were just friends until the night the Sox won the series," he said, his tone a mix of remorse and longing. "I kissed her at Fenway after the last out."

"Is that why she hid in her room the next day?" Lisa asked with a smile. Looking back at it now, Ellie had seemed flighty the next day.

Chris nodded his head. "She didn't want to risk messing up our friendship," he explained then sighed. "Turns out she might have been right about that."

"How so?" Lisa asked, relaxing into her chair.

Talking about it was the last thing Chris wanted to do. What if scenarios had been running rampant through his brain in the hours since Scott's revelation. He was mentally and physically exhausted. All he wanted to do was go to sleep. But as he stared at his mom, that child within him begged to spill his guts and beg her to help him fix it.

He opened his mouth to suggest they talk it over in the morning. But those words weren't what came out. Instead, he found himself pouring his heart, his pain, everything out to his mom as she listened to every word.

By the time he finished talking, they both had tears running down their faces and it was nearly midnight. His throat was raw from emotion and dry from all the talking. At some point, his mom had moved from the chair to the edge of his bed and when he'd finished, she had pulled him into a hug, making him cry more as she soothed him.

It was after midnight when she left his room and as he laid in his childhood bed, staring up at the silly glow in the dark stars that no one had bothered to remove since, he felt an inkling of hope spark in the depths of his broken heart.

Ellie hadn't moved on.

Episode 24.5

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

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[lokikingofasgardslover713]

Havoc’s Worship 6: Raison D'être

Masterlist

Havoc’s Worship Masterlist

Loki is chaos, chaos is havoc & havoc has found a treasure, a jewel, a new being to worship other than himself!

Pairing: Dragon!Loki Laufeyson X OFC Reader

Warnings: Hints of past torture, Mind games, Fluff, hints at miscarriage but no details

Summary: New truths are brought to light. Can the reader find it in her heart to start over or will Loki be left alone to deal with the havoc he caused in efforts to keep everyone safe?

A/N: Sorry this took so long to update! So, this is the final chapter! I took this in a completely different direction, hope you enjoy.

Words:+5,100

————

The desperate crying echoing down the narrow way made her heart race and had her jerking harder against the dark elf guards leading her in chains. All her aches forgotten along with the recent throbbing headache and possible broken ribs at the desperation in her daughters cry.

The tent they were kept in on Svartalfheim did little to mask the tiny princess's cries when they came for the ulfhednar. Two guards had jerked her from the tiny cell in which she had assured to pass Ember to Jane to keep safe, their confines separated by bars far enough apart to allow Ember through. Drug before Malekith for what she wasn't sure other than to beat her around some more before they sent a message to Loki.

Jerking desperately to pull free and rush down the way, the woman spun facing the masked elves, their eyes staring her down. They chuckled as she jerked to the end of the chains, trying to tug them along in a rush to get to the cell. Before they reached said confines they jerked harshly to force her to the ground inches from the cage she had been kept in the past 2 days next to Jane. 

Letting out a weak growl, she tussled with the two, clothing ripped and stained from the mistreatment of the past few days. The black earth of Svartalfheim sticking to new wounds as Jane yelled out to the guard to stop. 

One banged a weapon on the bars of Jane's cage to shut her up, but that only made the tiny princess scream louder. A gloved hand wrapping in the collar of the ulfhednar's ruined tunic to choke while lifting the defiant creature to dead feet and flung into the cell. 

“Quiet the welp or we will,” one snarled as the door slammed shut.

Hastily the disheveled queen scrambled to reach the bundle of dirty fur and cloth that kicked and screamed. Pulling the wailing bundle tight, she sunk to a corner with Jane who hurried to join her in her own cell. Deftly the mortal helped what she could through the bars to aid the weak warrior in getting the child fed and quieted. 

“I’m sorry. When they left with you they took her from me,” Jane apologized, careful of fresh bruises littering the others collar bone. It appeared the mortal was sporting a bruised cheek for her efforts. 

“It’s ok Jane. There isn’t much to control here,” she sighed looking down at the babe as she latched onto a nipple, instantly quieting to feed. Noting her daughter's red cheeks, stained with tears and this cursed black earth they all had come to hate.

“I know. But I have to tell you something,” Jane spoke gently, the warrior turning to look at the brunet. “I’m pregnant.”

That took more time than it should have to register to the queen. Chartreuse orbs searching over the mortals dirtied face, holding the princess tight. “Oh gods,” she finally sighed, reaching a free hand out to place it to Jane's head, resting her forehead on hers. “We will get out. Your baby is safe.”

Jane gave a weak smile, pulling away slightly as she began to fidget before producing clean cloth appearing to be from the lining of the mortals own dress. “Here, I salvaged some things, so Ember had a few more diapers.”

Nodding, the warrior graciously took the kind gesture. The babe and area quieting for the three to relax if only it was for a few unknown moments. Eyes heavy as she relaxed against the painful bars, but what else was there? The ulfhednar’s body ached from all of it, the beating, the recent birth and the weight of returned memories.

"Get some sleep," Jane's voice drifted through her ears as if in a fog, the quiet suckling of Ember beginning to fade out when the warriors eyes fluttered closed.

The queens worries dancing around with the latest development between she and Loki before all this.  

It was the day she returned with Loki; Ember asleep in a bundle of furs in the nest as she slept. Carefully Frigga guided the warrior through dark memories Loki had placed. Each one unraveling to show a kind, gentle lover who done nothing but dote over his wife, his mate. It was intoxicating but angering as Frigga gently guided her through the literal chaos the god had created. The question on her lips though was-.

“Why,” slipping past dry lips, eyes still closed to watch and feel what the old monarch was showing her.

An excited version of herself stepping off of the plane the moment all this began. Loki was surrounded by his own guard as was she, but she strode happily towards him, the god gracing her with a cheerful smile, wings unfolded. A cheer went up from the crowd as he took her hand gently and knelt before her, Thor smirking like the idiot he was. 

This wasn't their first meeting by no means as the memory slipped in the two of them had been meeting for several years. Possibly longer?  

“He felt you were ruining yourself by deftly agreeing to wed without question. Regardless of fate,” the older monarchs voice spoke to her, the woman watching the beautifully haunting memory.

Thoughts crossing this was another way to break her, maybe this wasn't real. An excited Loki standing to lift her from the ground, arms wrapped around her knees to lift her over him. Like two idiots they smiled at each other, her hands wrapping his face to take a kiss, wings folding protectively around them. 

This had a different feel, one stating this was an all too real memory hidden in darkness. She could literally taste the acrid seidr placed over the memory to hide it, this was heartbreaking. Would he rather her believe whatever dark things were placed over this instead of how he truly loved her?

“I wasn’t,” this wasn’t a dream any longer. The all-mother lifting the veil the god of mischief placed over her mind's eye. 

“Loki still believes even after he was given the crown by Odin, even after all the blame was lifted off of his shoulders of Sigyn's death; he still thinks himself unworthy to possess you. More so now that you have given him Ember. Loki fears he will have to hide you away to keep you safe and felt these memories would help him do so. 

He was wrong, had I known the real reason he told me he sent you back to Midgard I would have never allowed it. It made me wonder why he stole you in the night a few months ago, he finally admitted it, and when he returned to fetch you he found you were pregnant and had run in fear. I was afraid the illusion he placed when you were sent to the small village was too much. I found you, told him where to retrieve you,” the queen explained in the darkness, joyous memories of their wedding day, her own people present in the meadow that was supposedly a battleground.  

“So, all the hell he supposedly put me through was an illusion?”

“Yes,” Frigga admitted halfheartedly.

“Then this explains when I was on Midgard, -before I had Ember-, I found no scorched earth where we battled, no rebuilding. This is why the Avengers are so kind to us, why Thor is so gentle with Jane, why she returns his love," her own thoughts echoed around as they viewed the memory of their wedding night, how gently he carried her into the chamber.

“You remember all Loki has done for you? How kind be truly was,” Frigga spoke, the haze clearing for them to return to the chamber, sitting in the nest with Ember resting quietly. 

“Yes. But it makes me want to chew his ass for thinking he is less worthy than Thor or anyone else. It breaks my heart, I understand it, and he still has my heart, but I need to speak with him,” the warrior spoke up, a great weight lifted off of her shoulders as the dark memories where truly gone. There was still the acrid taste but thankfully she could recall none of the horrors, just good ones in their place. 

Frigga gave her a knowing smile, hugging the tired younger monarch tight for a moment. It was no secret the older woman doted over her replacement, she loved her fighting spirit, possibly loved her more so than Sigyn. “Then I will let him know you need to see him when he finishes with the dark elves.” 

Later that night, Ember resting once more after a feeding, the warrior was quick to corner Loki at the fireplace. The god fixing her with a worried glare at the fire in her eyes. It may be less than 24 hours since she gave birth, but the hybrid knew she could bring him to his knees, and he didn’t have the heart to stop her. 

“Your mother showed me Loki,” she echoed hotly trying to keep quiet to not wake Ember. Slapping the hand away the god attempted to lace into loose locks. “No. That’s how you do it. But Frigga charmed me, so you can’t anymore.”

The god pursed his lips, long coat unfolding to large wings. The meeting with the dark elf leader, Malekith, went in no way as planned. The dark elf storming out when neither hybrid would bargain. He knew she had heard, seen the ache in her bones when stepping flush to him. 

She felt his weariness at having to deal with the dark elf. Word came he had threatened the city, it’s people, her and the day-old princess for good measure as well. She knew his ache, reaching up to take his face in her hands, glad she couldn’t remember the nightmares he made her believe. 

“Please quit assuming you are a monster and that I am ruining my life by loving you. We are twin flames,” she echoed lovingly, stroking over his cheeks with calloused thumbs and tears rimming her eyes. 

“You fell into me so blindly when we first met, I just-. You left your people without looking back. You-. Norns my treasure,” he echoed laying his forehead to hers before his knees buckled and he fell before her. 

Tenderly he placed his head to soft belly, he knew she was sore, tired and now having to deal with this. This creature before him, this ulfhednar, his promised, mate, mother to his child birthed a little over 24 hours ago. 

“Can you forgive me treasure,” he echoed against soft belly, feeling her lean and lace fingers into his hair, wings folding around her. 

“Maybe-,” she hesitated, feeling him tense, leather clad arms wrapping around lightly covered legs. “We should start over.”

“We can,” he breathed, hopeful she wasn’t about to push him away. Though he gave her every right to do so. He could have ruined them both, stupid pride and self-loathing.  

She should hate him, should scream and kick him away. It was a dirty way to have done them, though, truth be told, Loki was just as messed up as she. Like she was one to know of love. Her parents were arranged, no love between them, they were married just to produce her, an heir to a throne. 

“Loki,” she breathed, soothing over the gods head and shoulders. “We both know nothing of what we are meant to be. My parents never showed any sort of affection, they were all business. And what happened during your lifetime was a travesty. I will gladly try once more; what about you?”

Slowly Loki got to his feet, reaching down to her thighs to place them around his waist. It was in no way sexual; it was to comfort as he placed an arm under her buttocks and the other around the nape of her neck. 

Gingerly the hybrid stroked over the soft flesh, “I was worried the last illusion had broken you when you weren’t at the settlement on Midgard. You were to have stayed at the shore, but you fled to the island. I thought I lost you, forgive me, I didn’t realize you were carrying until my last visit to find you gone. I’m sorry my treasure.” Gingerly he tugged her to him, nuzzling at her nose, kissing her lips tenderly. 

“Our first night together was so beautiful Loki. How could you bury it,” she whispered over his lips when the kiss broke for a moment. 

“I was foolish. I may have been called a monster my entire life, but it gave me no right,” he breathed, surprised when her lips pressed to his, arms wrapping around his shoulders while wings wrapped around her back to pull tight. 

“Take me to bed, I’m tired,” she echoed, Loki nodding in agreement. The god starting to the nest, the little bundle nestled in the furs and linens squeaking as he got his mate settled next to her. 

Slowly Loki laid at her back, a wing protectively draping over the queen and princess. Loki tenderly moved his mates loose hair to nuzzle at the nape of soft neck. “Rest mate, I will tend to her when she wakes,” his voice rasped as she leaned back into him to shut her eyes. 

A harsh jab to her ribs had her clinging to the quiet bundle in her arms. Jane hurriedly assuring she was covered as the guard entered. It still appeared as if it was night and hadn’t napped long. 

“Up,” the guard snarled from behind his mask, mind still hazed in sleep as a hand wrapped in the shackle chain to jerk her up drunkenly and still holding the infant. 

“What did he say,” Jane asked getting up as well, a guard coming to her own cell to retrieve the mortal. 

The warrior forgotten Jane didn’t possess all speak. “They want us up,” she spoke, the guards tugging them both out and down narrow walk to the entrance. 

Jane called out to her when they threw the ulfhednar out of the tent like structure to the black dirt. Protectively the warrior curled around the infant to keep her from being slung to the ground. Landing hard on her shoulder to cushion the fall with Jane falling over her to stop anyone from hitting the two. 

“As you can see, they are alive,” Malekith spoke to someone making the women look up to spot several Avengers. There was no way the leader would allow Loki or Thor close unless it was to get what he wanted. 

“You’ve beat them,” Steve spat in disgust, one of the others starting forward, it looked to be Sam, but the captain stopped him. 

“Just the one; she is a handful,” Malekith spoke with a laugh, a move of his hand and the guards were grabbing them up once more to haul back to their cages. 

Led back to their holding cells, the two guards toyed with them, mocking the women and using their strength to shove them around since it sounded as if the group had left. This was their chance. If she remembers right there was a way off Svartalfheim. 

Faining hurt, the ulfhednar fell to the dirt, cradling Ember tight the princess squeaking out. It was an excellent distraction, no one ever said a dark elf was intelligent. Creating a diversion for the two women to break free, Ember safely strapped to her mother as she wrapped the chains around the ones neck as Jane done the other. Managing to free themselves before running out the back of the tent and across the open ground. 

Thankfully they had set up camp several yards from the craggy cliffs. Spotting the cavern, she sensed held a portal, the women ran blindly into the darkness to emerge in freezing cold. Nowhere to go but forward, hurrying to seek shelter while it appeared they didn't go unnoticed, large ice dragons descending on the elves that were stupid enough to follow. 

Not looking back they continued until a large ice dragon dropped before them. Hastily she placed Ember in Jane's hands. A fire flashed in her eyes, calling seidr to muster enough strength to fight. The three of them coated in a spray of ice and blue blood as the warrior downed the dragon. Several more landing only to pause as she stood, donning a wolfish look and dazzling tattoos. 

They stopped, shifting to giants with great leather wings and kneeled to her. That wasn’t expected, turning to look at Jane and Ember before darkness crept in, collapsing in a heap of tattered flesh. 

A gentle calling of her name had her waking to look up at a leather draped ceiling. A quiet coo getting her attention to someone next to her. Looking over to find Jane, clean, covered in dark furs, and a tiny bundle strapped to her front with leather and fur. 

“Thank god,” Jane breathed moving to help her set up against more furs and cloth rolled like pillows. A quick look around revealed they were actually under a massive wing. One that moved slightly so the bearer could look at the two. 

It appeared to be a very tall, gruff looking frost giant with once curled horns, but one was broken and the other wrapped in straps of leather. With a grunt the giant got up and left the room. One that was large but at least had a fireplace with true fire radiating heat not far from them.

Moving to place more furs around the warrior, Jane finally un-tied the small infant to place in her mother's arms. “They brought milk for Ember. I’m not sure from where but she took it each time. They told me it came from another. I'm sorry, I hope I did right, she was crying so much, she was hungry and I didn't know what else to do," Jane worried as the warrior waived the brunet off, tugging the fur from around Ember's small and dipping to scent the sleeping babes lips.

"It's ok Jane, you did the right thing. It smells like what Loki and Frigga-," she paused, swallowing hard. Gods, Frigga, meeting Jane's gaze, tears burned in her eyes and a lump threatened to choke her. Cuddling the sleeping infant close, feeling the little ones full belly through the furs, they should take comfort they hadn't lost more.

"You've been out for several days," Jane spoke up, changing the subject neither women wanted brought up at the moment. "The ones that brought us here said they couldn't risk taking us through Jotunheim."

"Who are they," the warrior asked, letting the brunet help her settle. "Gods I should have known when you told me you came willing with Thor something was up." It was obvious from the queens tone she was trying to take her mind off of the pain shooting across her features before relaxing on the pillows. Dawning on the ulfhednar these were expensive furs, clean, nothing a commoner would possess.

"The guards, the healer, none of them would tell me who they answer to," Jane admitted, settling close so they could share body heat. 

"How do you feel," the warrior spoke up, hinting to the discovery from a few days ago. 

"Fine, I feel nauseous sometimes but nothing that doesn't ease."

"Good," she smiled, the two women settling in tight, or that was until the door opened to reveal a dragon winged giant decked out in gold adornment flanked by several guards.

"You slaughtered my best guard. I take it you must be Loki's queen; are you not? The Queen of the ulfhednar and Asgard," the one in gold asserted to the warrior holding to the small bundle, it appeared as though he was being gruff, but was sure to keep it quite due to the sleeping child.

"Yes, what of it," she breathed, trying to sound gruff herself, shifting to place Ember in Jane's arms as she forced herself to sore feet. 

Jane calling out to her to stop, but she didn't listen as she stepped through the nest to the giant, a fur wrapped around her shoulders, bare feet padding across the cold stone to pause before him. 

"Should have known my brother would be tethered to a brave creature such as yourself," he snarled, taking a knee to look her over more closely.

Brother? That meant he was either Helblendi or Blyster. Wearily she looked up to the massive hybrid wondering why of all in the 9 realms the Jotunar and Aesir had to be descended from dragons. Keeping calm as he smirked, flexing out massive pale blue leather wings as if to show power, but she was descended from wolves and dragon slayers. Keeping head high, she eyed the giant who seemed amused by her stubbornness to not back down.

"Fearless creature," his voice rumbled as he reached out to touch the exposed tattoo on her arm, running a calloused finger over it. Defiantly she held his gaze, knowing he was trying to provoke her. 

"Loki will not like it when he finds out his brother tried to intimidate his queen," she was quick to point out as he pulled away. 

The giant let out dark chuckle, she knew this could go one of two ways and wasn't sure which at the moment. Right now, it looked bleak, what of Ember? Her guts twisted at the thoughts of keeping the small infant protected, she didn't ask for any of this, and what of returning to Loki for the two of them to attempt to make it right?

"Defiant ulfhednar. It may keep you alive so you can return to Asgard. I want no war with the throne, our people have suffered enough at the hands of Odin; no need to repeat the same with Loki or Thor. But I'm afraid there is no way to get word to anyone at the moment. The dark elves are scouring the realm and have blocked the entrance into their own. There is another but it will take time for my messenger to reach. I sent him several days ago, but he must pass through wilderness and Utgard itself," he spoke quietly.

The giant noted the woman visibly let out a breath. "Until now you three remain here, in my chamber. You will be safe here, but I can't say much else for the outside of my encampment due to the dark elves. You, the princess and the blood dragons mate are under my protection. I will be sure the healer visits to assure you both are in good health; I don't need you three dying under my watch. I can only imagine the Hel it will bring on my head."

Giving a nod she understood, the warrior took a step back when he stood. The giant even going as far as to usher her back to the nest and assure she didn't fall. Gingerly she settled next to Jane who placed the infant in her arms and made sure they were covered well.

"I will send for your meal and better clothing," Blyster grunted out before leaving with his guard in tow.

It had been 3 months since a messenger had been sent, well now she had been told 4 had been sent with no word of what happened to the others. The movement of Jane to her left made the warrior wake, the two women having taken to keeping Ember between them when they rested. She watched as Jane sat up as if in pain, noting the look on her face, knowing what it was.

"Jane, lay back," she ordered quietly, getting to her feet to move the mortal around as she grabbed at her lower belly, holding tight to it.

"It hurts," Jane spoke, taking the warriors hand to hold.

"Let me call the healer, I have no herbs, nothing to work with," she spoke the brunet nodding and allowing her to the door, calling to the guard to fetch the healer.

In moments an elderly frost giant female ambled in, -the one ensuring they stayed healthy-, going to Jane with the warrior falling to the mortals head to keep her calm. Pushing the furs away they seen the faint stain of blood, there was nothing to be done but to soothe the panicking mortal. The healer and ulfhednar working together seamlessly to take care of the lost child. 

"I'm sorry Jane," the warrior cooed as the giantess grunted when laying her hand over the brunets lower abdomen. 

"Hand," the gruff creature snarled to the warrior who allowed it to the giantess, their kind had no bedside manner. 

Placing her smaller hand where the others was, she felt thrumming, very strong one and a flutter. Looking back up to Jane, the moment the giant uttered, "there is another. This one wasn't strong enough, but the one in your womb will survive."

The two looking at the giantess as she gathered the soiled things to leave out of the room. The brunette gripped tightly to the warrior, sobbing her heart out. 

"Then, I'm still-," Jane began, preparing to say pregnant but she couldn't at the moment.

"They must have been twins. It's not uncommon, I know that gives you little comfort but-," the warrior began as the mortal grabbed her to hug tight.

"Then we will celebrate the one I carry. Try not to dwell on the other. We have lost too much to not find joy in what we still have," Jane breathed, the warrior knew it was the scientist speaking but she sought comfort in it as well.

Quietly they heard Ember shuffle, a quiet coo and she was looking around in the dim room. The little girl smiling when she spotted the two women. 

"Would you like to hold her? Feed her," the child's mother spoke, moving to lift the growing 4-month-old from the furs. 

Jane opened her arms as she was handed the child and the ulfhednar helped to prop the mortal on pillows. Quietly she padded to the storage by the fire, it housed many things for the three of them as well as milk. It had been placed there should she be unable to feed Ember, which thankfully she could still do but was glad to allow another to share in the responsibly.

As she handed the milk to Jane the door to the room slung open and made the women pause. Blyster stormed in, looking at the two worriedly, the healer must have told.

"How is she," the giant spoke hinting to Jane who placed the bottle to Embers lips, the babe not hesitating to latch on.

"She is fine," the warrior spoke, moving protectively next to them. 

"Good. Word has reached that Malekith was defeated. The portal I sent my messengers to, was heavily guarded but the last was able to make it. I'm not sure when they will be here," he admitted, the two women visibly relaxing.

Several days later, late in the night, there was a knock on the door, Blyster having taken to laying on the opposite side of the nest to assure the three were kept safe. The pale blue hybrid going as far as to drape a wing over them. Keeping the wing in place he called out to the one who knocked.

"They are here for the women," the one on the other side spoke up. They could hear someone on the other side, and they sounded a lot like-.

"Loki," the queen breathed, the giant getting to his feet to hurry from the nest leaving the women nested close to one another. 

In a rush of leather clad wings, Loki burst in ahead of the others, Thor and Blyster not far behind with the door slamming shut. The ulfhednar scooped Ember up to rush to the god who gladly took them into his arms. Thor hurrying worriedly to Jane, the warrior looking back as Loki nuzzled at her neck. She was sure Thor was easy with Jane, the crimson winged hybrid scooping his mate up easily. 

“Thank the Norns treasure,” Loki spoke, nuzzling hard under her ear before kissing over Ember's head. 

Finally, she turned back to Loki, the god quick to seize her lips. A cool hand going to the nape of her neck while her own wrapped around his face, ebony wings draping tight around them. 

Oh, how she loved this part of him. Slowly ebony wings moved to look to Thor who nodded he had Jane. 

“Ready to go home pet,” he whispered, nuzzling at the two females in his arms. 

“Yes,” she smiled, Ember letting out a squeak herself, but only because they had woken her. 

Loki turned to Blyster, eyeing his giant brother close, “we are even then?”

“Aye,” Loki spoke cautiously holding tight to his mate. 

“Then, by all means,” Blyster spoke, stepping to the side to allow the five to leave. 

Upon arrival a healer was called to check the three, their mates worriedly waiting to assure the women and babies were healthy. A celebration called after the healer checked the women over. It was found out that Jane still carried twins. 

There was a feast called to honor the two women, to celebrate the children and the late queen. Little Ember held tight in her father's arms who refused to allow anyone to take the bundle from him, save for his mate who sat in the same chair as he.  

The entire evening Loki wouldn’t allow them from his side. Thankfully that worked in the ulfhednar's favor when Ember had taken all she could of the festivities and became cranky. The hybrid directing his mate and child down the quiet corridor to their brightly decorated room but thankful it was lit dimly. 

Getting the infant settled, Loki placed a protection over the child to keep her safe while stealing away with her mother to the baths. In seconds Loki tugged his mates legs around his waist, taking their clothes as he stepped into the warm water. 

Lovingly he nipped at her jaw, making her shiver in his arms. This was how he treated her from the beginning, never had he tortured her as she was led to believe. Loki was no monster. 

“You are far from any monster I have met thus far Loki,” she breathed over his lips as he let her to her feet. 

“I-,” Loki began to protest but he stopped, her hands lacing into his hair the water licking at her hips. 

“Please, focus on us now. Not the past, not the Hel inflicted on you. Us Loki. It’s Ember, you and myself. We were told what you done to find us, that you turned over the cask for us. That is not the actions of a monster but a loving mate and father,” she echoed, tears rimming her eyes. 

“Aye treasure,” he smiled, bowing to take her lips tenderly and holding her bare torso flush to his own. 

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[winterisakillerwrites]

Of Truths and Consequences - Part One

One shot: Last Minutes & Lost Evenings 7.1/16

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Angst

Summary:   They say confession is good for the soul, but at what cost?

Rating: T

Warnings/Author’s Notes:  This is part one  of the seventh part of Last Minutes & Lost Evenings, this series is currently on-going and will flit back and forth between past, present and future.

Previous

‘I’ve been skirting round the rim of doing something

Brave, and not just standing, but jumping in

Of making circles into squares, of laying down

The bare facts like a burden I can’t bear.  

And I can almost find the words, but I can see the way you’d

Fold your hands, speak my name like a curse

Upon your pretty lips, the pressured white behind your fingertips

And when you see me for all that I am

I couldn’t make mistakes to make a difference anymore.

I’d throw myself down on my knees, at your hands,

And beg you for forgiveness for my fuck ups and my faults.

And maybe you’d relent and release some hope for our forever,

Lift up your precious hands, and then bring yours and mind together’

Plain Sailing Weather – Frank Turner

He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing; standing there before her closed door. I shouldn’t be here. He’d battled with himself the entire way from his home to her door; he didn’t have any right coming here, talking to her. Not now. Not after all this time.

But he couldn’t get her out of his head. Their chance run in had played through his mind all throughout his meal with Ben and, truthfully, for the majority of the week that had followed.

Ben had cottoned on that something was amiss with his friend almost as soon as Tom had sat down. And he’d wasted little time in questioning him on it. Tom hadn’t had the energy or desire to protest that he was fine or merely tired. He’d had enough of lying; nothing good had ever seemed to come of it. He simply ordered himself a drink and prepared to finally put to words what had been spinning round his mind for the last six months.

As the two men drank, Tom slowly poured his heart out. He told Ben everything; how he’d met Rosemary, the growing attraction he’d tried to fight; to mask as something, anything, else. How long they’d carried out their involvement without speaking of what they were doing or why. The way he’d finally realized he loved her and the fear that that realization had unleashed. How she had finally put words to what he had unconsciously known for the longest time and how that had crystalized his plan to protect her, to push her away for her own good. Just how hard it had been to walk away, how hard the last half a year had been. How he’d fallen into a similar pattern with Natalie, though admittedly with the boundaries he’d lacked before. His guilt and disgust at himself for the way he allowed himself to treat the women he’d pulled into his life. About seeing Rosemary again, learning she had moved on, and how it physically hurt, even though he had known it was a pain of his own making.  

Ben, to his credit, sat and listened to Tom ramble on without saying a word. Tom knew that his silence would not last for long; he could see the questions and disapproval burning in his friend’s eyes. And he knew that he deserved whatever censure Ben would throw at him. And Ben did not disappoint.

“You are an idiot,” The words were even, matter of fact, and hung in the air between them.  “And a selfish one at that.” Tom could only nod his head in response. What else could he say? He’d thought the same thing countless times since that day. But he’d plowed on regardless, so certain in the knowledge that he was right. That what he was doing was right. Of all the arrogant notions…

“I get it, Tom. Really I do,” Ben started once more after it became clear Tom wasn’t going to add anything to the conversation at that juncture. “But you just can’t fly off half-cocked like that. It’s not just your call, mate…What do you think Sophie would have done had I done that to her?” Ben queried, his gaze narrowing at Tom’s shrinking form.

Tom sat silent for several moments before answering, “She would have torn you a new one.” And he could picture it far too well. He liked Ben’s wife; she was more than a match for his friend, bold and self-assured. She wouldn’t have taken Ben deciding something so major without her knowledge nor consent well at all. Hell hath no fury…

Ben laughed in earnest, “Too right she would and I wouldn’t fucking blame her for it.” He sighed, resting his elbows on the table. “You’ve really cocked things up, my friend. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

It was Tom’s turn to sigh. It hurt, having his thoughts echoed by someone he trusted to be nothing but honest with him. There was little joy in knowing that he’d been right. He had cocked things up on an epic scale and now he hadn’t the first idea how to fix it or if he even had the right to try. But God, he wanted to. “What do I do?”  He whispered, more to himself than to his friend. “How do I fix this?”

Ben clapped a hand on Tom’s shoulder. “Leave it be, Tom. Just leave it be.”

But Tom couldn’t seem to. No matter how he tried to occupy himself his mind would circle back around to Rosemary and the look on her face. He wanted desperately to make it right; to let her know that the problem was never her. It was him, always him. He couldn’t shake the idea that maybe, just maybe, if he could explain then it would bring some infinitesimal amount of closure for her and maybe for him as well. And then maybe…

As he stood before her door, hand raised he wondered again if this was the right thing to do. He ached desperately to see her, to tell her how sorry he was. To tell her that he loved her, both then and now, even though he knew it would make little difference. He had lost her and he doubted anything would change that. But she deserved to know. Didn’t she?

His knuckles wrapped against the painted wood of the door. He stiffened slightly as he heard her voice, muffled and indistinct but decidedly hers. Panic gripped him. God, this wasn’t a good idea. He inhaled sharply as the door opened.

Surprise merged into confusion then concern in the depths of Rosemary’s hazel eyes. She stood, staring at him her arms crossed protectively against her chest. “What…Tom, what are you doing here?”

He swallowed against the panic that rose inside him. “I just…Can we talk?”

Rosemary blinked in confusion before gathering herself enough to ask, “About what?” She hadn’t moved her arms nor stepped aside to allow him entry. He would have been surprised if she had. God knows I would slam the damned door in my fucking face.

“About what happened between us.” She flinched at his words and it tore his heart. He had to fix this. To try to make it right. He owed her that much.  “Please, just let me say my peace and I will go. Please.”

Her eyes narrowed and he could see the warring indecision in her eyes. And in that moment he wanted desperately to hold her; to soothe her. But that wasn’t his place. How was he supposed to provide comfort when he was the one who had caused the pain in the first place? Maybe this hadn’t been the best idea. God, he just didn’t know.

Several painfully silent minutes passed before she stepped aside. Torn between gratitude that she hadn’t slammed the door in his face and sheer terror at the enormity of what he wanted to confess, what he needed to confess, Tom stood frozen. Could he really do this? Did he have the right to do this now? To drag every back up again? Would she understand why? Would she hate him for it? The all too familiar doubts and uncertainties plagued him. He wanted to run. God, he wanted to run. But it was far, far too late for that now.  

Steadying himself, Tom walked past Rosemary and into the flat. He heard her follow and close the door. His eyes wandered over the tiny living room, taking in every small detail. It looked the same. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. So much had changed, but this tiny part had remained the same. Memories threatened to overwhelm him. So many small, happy moments had happened here. He sobered almost at once. All of those memories had been overshadowed by his own fear and stubborn need to protect her. He froze once more.

He heard her clear her throat behind him. “You wanted to talk…So talk.” Her voice was steady, far steadier than his was sure to be. He swallowed again before curling his hands into fists and forcing himself to turn around and face her.

The words didn’t seem to want to come; not at first. He started and stumbled to a stop for what felt like ages until finally, finally, they tumbled out. How he had lied to her, how much she had meant, still meant, to him. Why he’d done it. How dreadfully sorry he was for the pain he knew he’d caused her.

He watched her face as he spoke. Wanting, hoping for some sign of her thoughts on her face. But she stood, her face empty, lips drawn together in a tight line.

“I don’t understand,” Rosemary uttered after several moments of silence had passed. Her eyes locked on his; confusion, hurt, and disbelief shining in their depths.

Tom ducked his head, unable to hold her gaze. Hating himself for the pain he caused her. That he kept causing her. “I didn’t mean it. What I said to you that day,” he started, slowly raising his head. “I love you. God, I love you. But I’m not good for you. My life isn’t good for you. It would have torn you apart and I couldn’t have that. I’m sorry. Oh Rosie, I’m so sorry.” The words poured out of him, he couldn’t have stopped them if he tried.

“Don’t call me that,” she hissed.

He flinched at her words; at the anguish in her tone. I did this. My fault. He wanted to pull her to him; to hold her, to comfort her. But he hadn’t the right. He’d thrown it away that day and he didn’t know if he would ever be able to earn it back.

Her eyes narrowed, anger swirling brightly. “What gave you the right?”

The words hit him like a physical blow. He stared at her in disbelief, confusion and pain coloring his features. “What?” he breathed.

“I said,” she began again, taking a breath, her voice cool and steady. “What gave you the right?” Her eyes were burning into his. “How dare you decide what I can or can’t handle? How dare you treat me like a fucking child who doesn’t know their own mind? How fucking DARE you.”

He stood, frozen. He didn’t know what he could say in answer. She was right. Of course she was right. He’d acted out of concern, misguided as it was, but he hadn’t stopped to consider what she wanted. What she felt. He’d decided, in all his arrogant glory that he knew what was best for her. For them both. He was stupid and cowardly and so utterly selfish.

“I am so sorry,” he started again, knowing the words were far too little and far, far too late. “I was selfish and careless and I know it doesn’t fix anything. That this doesn’t change anything. But I am so desperately sorry.” He could feel his eyes burning, the tears threatening to overwhelm him.

She stood there, arms crossed protectively across her chest. She didn’t speak but he could feel the rage of emotion pouring off her. He kept doing this. Kept hurting her. He shouldn’t have come. Shouldn’t have confessed. Here he was, once again, selfishly putting his need to confess, to explain, above all else. Guilt flooded through him. God, why didn’t he ever fucking learn?

“I think you should leave.”

The tears did spill then.

He nodded silently. She had every right to tell him to leave; he couldn’t blame her for wanting him to. He had gone and done the exact same thing to her again. He had allowed himself to unload his guilt onto her to ease his own conscious.

“Goodbye, Rosie.”

Next

[wonderstxrs]

Connor/Oliver things 1-9:

1) Okay so Connor has basically been wanting to go to the cops about what happened to Sam from the beginning. He had panic attacks and nightmares and god knows what else because of what they did. So it’s normal that he wants to protect Oliver from that. Keep him away from Annalise Keating and the house. The job. Everything that ruined his life.  

2) Telling his client, the woman who was abused by her husband and killed him, that he got away with murder for ‘less legit reasons than her’ was.. well, obviously risky. But it worked. It got her to talk and eventually, out of prison. Anyhow, my point is that he basically told a stranger this instead of Oliver. Not because he doesn’t want to tell Oliver, but bc he wants to protect & keep him safe. And, I think, deep down he knows Oliver wouldn’t forgive him for this. Meaning he’d lose the ONE GOOD THING in his life (altho I 100% believe that, if Oliver pressured him about ‘lying to him’ or ‘keeping something from him’ that he would’ve told him, maybe not right away but he would’ve. especially at this point, especially after telling this client).

3) That brings me to the following, Connor needs a stable life after what happened. So he basically changes completely. He doesn’t screw around anymore as much, he doesn’t sleep with anyone he comes across. He tries everything in his power to make up his for bad decision of sleeping w that one guy that got Connor to kick him out. And they got back together, and he’s been the PERFECT boyfriend ever since. He’s been attentive, reasonable, telling Oliver pretty much everything about himself (except that one dark thing they did, which isn’t even really Connor bc it was Wes killing Sam to save Rebecca bUT details - ‘cause yeah they covered it up). So even when he finds out that he got ACCEPTED to Standford ( which was his ticket out of this mess and meant a lot to him !! ), which he didn’t even think he would bc his number was lower than Michaela’s but ? HE GOT IN. But even after Oliver kept the letter from him, basically told Standford he was Connor and that he changed his mind ??? even bc of that, Connor didn’t get angry with Oliver. He was actually really understanding ( and maybe bc he’s keeping that one dark secret and he doesn’t /get/ to judge and doesn’t want smth like this to get between them but STILL ). He even APOLOGIZED to Oliver for not listening, bc that was the only reason he thought Oliver would do this behind his back bc ‘he didn’t listen enough bc he wanted to leave so badly’. 

4) The thing that happens next annoys me. Oliver breaks up with Connor. In my opinion, in this fucking moment, Oliver doesn’t get to be upset and he sure as hell doesn’t get to break up with Connor!! So Oliver is even saying he gets to be upset with him (thank you) and ?? but then he like breaks up bc ‘’he needs time for himself’’ suddenly ? it makes no sense whatsoever, especially bc he made it his goal to get a job with AK and FINALLY got it. So?? making things awkward at work bc of that as well. While Connor never even wanted him there in the first place, to keep him safe from everything. 

5) Okay so Connor goes back to sleeping around bc he needs to deal with losing the one good thing in his life, the one thing that kept his life stable. The one thing he always looked forwards to. Someone to come home to after all the crap he deals with daily, because of what happened to Sam and everything that’s happened since. He ofc tries to make Oliver jealous. Anyhow, then Oliver & Connor have that conversation about that Oliver can have sex too and he brings up being HIV-positive and guys not wanting that so that he basically can’t have sex with random guys like Connor. But I was like: basically you’re saying you can’t but YOU WANT TO. And that confused me bc? he claimed that he ‘wanted time alone to figure out who he is and what he wants’ and all that? but this basically says the opposite, he wants to date but just not with Connor anymore? And like, then the fucking episode happens where they’re at that casino as ‘’friends’’ and the fucking racist flirts w Connor and Connor like confronts the guy about that and Oliver assumes he scared him away??? and Connor just takes it, bc that’s how much he loves Oliver. Esp the ‘act like an adult’ comment like ?? GOD that frustrates me sm!! 

6) Oliver starts dating Thomas and everything is peachy until he tells the guy he’s HIV-positive and he’s not ready for it. Which, y’know, makes sense. It’s not nothing. But yeah it sucks for Oliver. Anyhow, Oliver gets drunk and GOES TO CONNOR. Who even asks what happened with Thomas (even though that’d obvs hurt him bc he still loves Oliver). Then Oliver (selfishly, which he even admits is selfish) tells Connor he missed him. See, I have a problem with that bc this is just like ? he was ready to move on 0.2 seconds ago but bc that didn’t work out you’re going to the /one/ guy you know loves you && will have sex with you and ??????????????? just rude. But anyway, so they have sex bc Connor still loves him. It goes on a couple of days. Thomas even apologizes and wants a second change but Oliver doesn’t want that anymore bc apparently he’s fixing things with Connor. 

7) But then Oliver and Connor get into that argument where Oliver says smth about ‘the reasons why they broke up’, basically insinuating it wasn’t to figure himself out (HE FUCKING LIED?) but that it was bc of the lies. Bc of the things he knows Connor is keeping from him. So, instead of confronting Connor about what he’s keeping from him he just broke up with him. And then he’s like calling Connor DAMAGED. And that cuts deep bc, yeah he is damaged bc of everything that happened but the ONLY time where he’s actually himself and doesn’t feel so damaged is with Oliver so hearing him say that, knowing he sees him as damaged? that hurts him deep. So he leaves && goes to Michaela, breaks down on her couch and says ‘I hate him, I hate him so much’.

8) Later on, after Wes’ dead. I love how Oliver finally confronted Connor with his suspicions and Connor told him the truth. And !!! HE BELIEVED CONNOR RIGHT AWAY. Even when the others didn’t. Thankfully Michaela did too, she’s basically his bestie. But Asher (he was being a jerk), Laurel (ok, she’s the preggy gf so that makes sense), Bonnie (god I can’t believe she still hasn’t been arrested) were giving him a hard time. I was really happy with the Connor/AK talk tbh, it was long over due!! Anyhow, Oliver believing Connor just <333

9) Oliver being hella worried when Connor was kidnapped by the police. And, when he came back, asking Connor to marry him. See, I have a problem with that because?? Oliver has been traumatized by the news of what happened to Frank and what he knows /suspects/ Connor, Michaela, Wes and Laurel did. He didn’t want any details (smart) but he practically knows. And he was having a hard time bc of that, you know, dealing with all of that. Even if he wasn’t traumatized, this is like ? really quick bc technically they’re still broken up. A decision HE made and Connor had to deal with. That like really messed with Connor’s head and fucked him up pretty bad that he even said ‘’I hate him. I hate him so much.’’ ???? so to just brush over that break up and?? ask that question was really selfish. And I know Oliver loves Connor and was hella worried and maybe that made him realize he wants no one else. That it’s always been Connor and with everything that’s happened, he needs him now too. But marriage tho? idk. Like everything they both go through, especially after Wes, is a lot and they get to be upset and do irrational things. Buttttttttt yeah. I’m so glad with how Connor dealt with this. sO PROUD OF HIM.