#aero talk sot herself

[aeroknot]

i’ve always known this, but i just have to say it here instead of rambling in my tags on that last reblog, which reminded me of my feelings on this:

rey and finn mean so damn much to me as heroes 

their motivations... they are.... so complex; so reluctant to get involved and yet they so deeply gravitate to the center of their narratives in such beautiful and poignant ways. like, there’s a bit more nuance to my next point, but still: my general take on luke and leia and obi-wan and anakin and padmé is that they were all gung-ho, sabers-a-blazin’ take-the-plot-and-enemies-by-their-throat and RUN WITH IT heroes. they were not without pain in the long run, but generally speaking, they all decided early on they wanted adventure, they wanted involvement, they wanted heroism and liberty or death. and they are still remarkable for that, but like.... I can’t relate as deeply to someone that brave, or adventurous, or royal, or so “obviously destined” for heroism. 

so the hero arcs of rey and finn are a “messier destined” in my eyes and they are allowed to be reluctant, and that means so much. they go through journeys that, in my eyes, highlight way more hesitancy and fear, and stretch them and their views on their identities, and that’s invaluable to me to see on screen. the comparisons between previous SW protags and finn and rey as protags remind me of that quotation, “some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them” and like.... that’s a wonderfully hopeful, terrifying, and relatable feeling, especially when we recognize that trauma is also thrust upon us in life, and yet there are multi-layered responses we can have to the spectrum of these life events -- to all of what the universe presents us with -- and we get to see heroes who struggle with the myriad ways of coping with their pain and their greatness at the same time

one is devastatingly lonely and simultaneously attracted and repelled by adventure and heroism and what may be her destiny foretold by prophecy and yet?? her worldview of herself is so limited and small until others come crashing into it: i’m just a sand wasteland girl?? with people to wait for?? my life is scavenging and waiting and yet.... it’s intimidating that i dream; that when i dream i yearn for green, rain, roots, growth. if only she could just get a taste of what’s out there and see herself reflected back to her in the pools of possibility and the reflection of herself in a friend or mentor’s loving eyes and the fire of her own raging power in her enemy’s eyes. she was someone who felt in her gut she’s meant for way more but was too terrified to admit this to herself until all signs pointed to yes and the pain of becoming who she really wanted hurt less than remaining secreted away

one is tragically abused, traumatized, indoctrinated to hate weakness, vulnerability, and compassion, and yet his entire being thrives on cooperation and bonds-- and bonds cannot be nurtured without vulnerability and compassion-- and in fact, losing a close bond, his friend, is the entire impetus for his rebellion. so he became motivated by the very values they tried to eradicate in him. and he finds new bonds, love, partnership, friends, joy, even. home, even. he grew in the dark; he grew back in the places they trimmed. and he rebels even though he’s terrified. even though he knows the consequences. even though he probably can’t even register it as rebelling because he just thinks of it as survival. he’s running away from contributing to evil and then he’s running away from contributing to heroism and yet he fucking turns around, back into the snake’s pit, back to save a friend. to even maybe in some ways redeem himself, and to heal (and finn is a Black Man and this is a Big Deal to see on screen right now. he’s right. he is Kind Of A Big Deal in the Resistance)

so what’s at the root of their heroism is not necessarily just your classic case of The Good Guys being Bald-faced Moral Beacons, or a stubborn and ingratiating hopefulness against insurmountable odds. it is courage intimately tied to their own personal pain in ways they are aware of the entire time. courage against traumatic personal experiences, their hopefulness weathered by their knowledge of the odds of being torn apart. courage against survival instincts and preservation of self. courage against evil and oppression that has cowed them into corners and violated them not just in a systemic way, but very deeply personally as well. courage against heartbreak.

and i love tfa for it. and i love them for it. i will never stop loving them for it.