#add it to the list!!! Just stick it on there! 🙃

[d1zzypaw]

I do not like hot weather. Even like. Warm weather. I am constantly in search of cooling my living space. I have a fan going at night 365 days a year. I open my windows in the dead of winter bc mmm cold air. 77 is too dang hot.

[thebluestbluewords]

Jane’s Recipe Blog: Summer Birthday Cake

(irl recipe is modified from weekend at the cottage Harvey Wallbanger Cake)

Magic Mix Orange Liqueur Cake

posted by user: Sugar

to: sugarandspikes.auradon.blog 

date: 27 of June, Summer 

Summertime, and the living is busy! I don't know about you, but between my school and my family, I've spent 72 of the last 78 hours running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

the girls are enjoying the summer weather at least! My roommate's boyfriend brought home another crate of chicks for the flock last week. We're being overrun with eggs. Expect more eggy recipes very soon!!

If you're anything like me, summer is the busiest time of year. School programs for me and Spikes are both picking up the pace with our summer service hours, and I've got my roommate and her boyfriend home all the time while they're on break. It's great having the extra hands around the house, but it also means that we've been visiting and hosting family and friends basically non-stop since the summer started. 

I love baking. I love my family. I love watching my family enjoy my baking. But do you know what I don't love? 

Missing out on those special summer moments because I'm spending every moment I'm home in the kitchen. 

That's why this is the absolute easiest-ever summer cake. It's moist, soft, and packed full of the most delicious orange flavor. The orange glaze is easy to whip up in a few minutes, and it's a great excuse to buy a new whisk!

Check out my lemon bars recipe post for the story of how my last whisk died 😱

The non-stick coating on my new whisk makes it great for whipping up glazes, syrups, honeys, and other sticky sauces. Once things calm down, I'm thinking of making a lavender-infused honey glaze to put on my lemon poppy seed muffins for that little extra touch of sweetness. 

And speaking of nonstick, the coating on the whisk makes it non-magnetic! Which is GREAT if you're like me and hosting any fairy friends this summer. Magnetic fields play havoc with flower fairy equilibrium. It's cool to be kind to our neighbors and avoid cooking with magnets when you're making treats for non-humanoids. 

That being said, this cake doesn't involve any time boiling hot syrups, which makes it perfect for hot days like we've been having in Auradon lately. It also goes perfectly with a cold glass of lemonade, or a cup of iced ginger tea. The orange in the cake will meld great with lemon or ginger flavors, or provide a beautiful contrast to some black coffee, if you're just trying to get through the day 🙃

Sugar Says: 

Watch your oven temp on this one - it's easy to underbake and end up with a cake that's still soggy in the middle. 

If you like a more flavorful glaze, add an extra splash of vanilla to your mix. If you're serving this to kids, omit the vodka and swap for equal parts water or orange juice. (coconut water is also a delicious swap!) 

Make sure to double check the size of your boxed cake mix BEFORE you add it to the bowl! A double size box mix may look good to your eyes, but it'll look a lot less good when it overflows your bowl and takes over your entire kitchen. 

Spikes Says: 

Why are there like four cups of booze in the cake??

I don't think it's fair to tell the kids they can't have this 

We need to make a chocolate version of this STAT.

Sugar Says:

Magic Mix Chocolate Cherry Rum cake is going on the test kitchen list for the holidays!

THE RECIPE:

INGREDIENTS

For the cake:

1 box deluxe yellow cake mix

1 package vanilla flavoured cooked pudding and pie filling

1 cup canola oil

3/4 cup orange juice, fresh or from concentrate 

1/4 cup vodka

1/4 cup Galliano liqueur

4 eggs 

Softened butter (for pan) 

For the glaze:

1 1/2 cup icing sugar

1 tablespoon orange juice 

1 tablespoon Galliano liqueur

1 teaspoon vodka

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 350°F. 

Grease a Bundt pan. Or a regular cake pan. I’m not your mom. A cupcake tin will also work, but know that this case doesn’t rise a ton, so you may need to fill your cupcakes higher than usual to compensate. 

Add the cake mix and pudding mix into a medium-sized bowl. 

Add oil, orange juice, vodka, Galliano, and eggs. A stand mixer will make this step easier, or you can conscript your boyfriend into mixing it at a low steady speed for 2 minutes 🙂

Pour the cake mixture into the prepared pan. Tap the pan on the counter to pop any bubbles in the batter.

Bake for 50 to 60 minutes. A toothpick inserted in the center should come out clean. 

Let the cake cool. This step is essential. Fend off any partners who want to eat the cake hot out of the pan. Let cool about 20 minutes, or one really vicious round of Uno.

Once cake is partially cool, gently loosen the edges. Invert onto a plate. 

Let the cake cool completely at room temperature (about 3-4 hours) before frosting. Do not try and hide the cake in the freezer. It will not work. They will eat it anyway and you’ll have to start over. 

To glaze: 

Mix the icing sugar, orange juice, Galliano liqueur and vodka until the mixture is smooth. Add more orange juice just a few drops at a time to achieve a thinner consistency. 

Drizzle the glaze over the cake. Allow time for glaze to set before eating. 

[darkfalcon-z]

The Plum in the Golden Vase list of kinks some may be upsetting (incomplete):

f/m, m/m, unethical non-monogamy, infidelity (non-consensual and consensual), cuckolding (consensual, also non-consensual), sex work, sugar babies, vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex, sex toys (cock rings, "Burman Fecundity Bell," some sort of penis supporting harness, other), aphrodisiacs (performance enhancing dugs, sensitivity enhancing drugs), voyeurism (accidental, consensual, non-consensual, exhibitionism, period sex, object insertion (fruit), bondage, sexual punishment, humiliation, dirty talk, cross-dressing, kink negotiation, under-negotiated kink, feminisation, slut shaming (surprisingly enough a lot of it is directed towards male dominant top by a female partner(s)), Lotus feet (foot binging), dubious consent, underage, older man/younger woman, older man/younger man, older woman/younger man, power imbalance, virginity, drink sharing, food sharing, handjobs, dirty talk, partner sharing, somnophilia, outdoor sex, cock slut, anal slut, clitoris stimulation, big cock (21 cun - that 67,2 cm 😭🙃🤣 over two feet long), master/servant (not role play), orgasm delay, marathon sex, multiple orgasms, painful sex, jealousy, brother in law/sister in law, first time anal, no lube, no prep, bleeding, consent play, impact play, mother-in-law/son-in-law, father-in-law/daughter(s)-in-law mentioned, impact play, cock worship, dacryphilia, edge play, fire play/branding (I mean it was incense stick), intercrural sex, vicarphilia, ecouteurism, non-human genitalia mentioned, sex toys under clothes, water sports/piss drinking, dream sex/ghost sex, male dom, bratty sub, mirror sex, lactation kink, wetting or squirting (possibly, I'm not sure which from the description), lingerie kink ("the lingerie" would be typical for the period when the author lived - a lot of attention is given to to female underwear during sex scenes), multiple sex positions, bathtub sex (kind of, they did it on a board over water),

what are those called:

reading porn just before/in-between or during sex?

throwing fruit (plums) at your partner exposed clitoris?

all the women want this one guy who is somehow superior in all things sex than other guys

does planning together your husbands murder count as kink?

what about dying from having too much sex and aphrodisiac (performance drug) overdose (this was prolonged death)

I haven't finished the book yet, I'll add to the list if something new comes around of If I recall something I've missed

[meetmeatthecoda]

Okay Coda, don't be upset with me because I do believe in lizzington 100%... but I've been seeing some very convincing rederina theories.

The thing is, I think each writer has yanked our (the viewers) attention multiple directions except maybe Bokenkamp. He seems lizzington deep down. Anyway, while rederina could be plausible, I can't reconcile the romantic insinuations and comments from Red and even from Liz......... and Aram, and Ressler, and the knowing and LOUD expressions from Samar with her quiet lips. I think Cooper has had questions and thoughts... as have countless blacklisters.

Help Coda, I'm so confused 😕 I don't even watch the show anymore. I haven't gone past early/mid season 6 if that far.

Also, um, what ya been up to? 🙃 Not to discount your life away from Tumblr and ao3, but I'm excited about reading new content! 😄😁

Hi there, anon!! 😍 Awww, I could never be upset with you, my friend, not to worry!! Besides, I fully understand what it's like to feel conflicted over this show... I think we've definitely all been there!! 🤗 I'm very touched you're coming to me with these feelings & I'm happy to share my thoughts on the topic!! I hope maybe they can bring you a little bit of peace!! Also, I'm going to put them under a read more cause we all know how I get when asked about R*derina 😂 Okay, here we go:

So. These theories & whatnot that you're worried about don't bother me at all because, simply put? The writers lost all credibility when they killed Liz. And, if you ask me, the best part about not watching the show anymore? We don't have to pay attention to what they're doing now! And let's be real, they went off the reservation a long time ago. That's reason enough for me to not consider anything they say or do now to be canon, especially not in the context of the whole story, & especially given that they no longer have the original creator (Bokencamp, who - I agree with you - always seemed team Lizzington to me) or literally half of the original cast. And you're absolutely right, there's so much undeniable proof for - at the very least - a STRONG, STRONG case for Lizzington - I mean, everything you listed, the looks, the comments, the subtext, the filming, the FUCKING PILOT SCRIPT - that to me, the bottom line is: If they can turn their back on their original endgame, then we can turn our backs on the retconned one. And yeah, some people might say that I'm only ignoring the canon that I don't like & doesn't support my ship which is UnTrUe To ThE sHoW or AgAiNsT fAnDoM rULeS or some shit & hey, that may be. But you know what? I'm fine with that. Because it's all fictional media & media is meant for entertainment & escaping from real life. And the best part about escapism in the form of fictional media? If it doesn't spark joy, then you can throw it the fuck out!!! And R*derina don't spark no joy for Coda 🙃🙃🙃 So... fuck 'em, honestly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ But yeah, my strategy is simply "assume anything that doesn't check out with previous canon is a retcon & therefore inadmissible in the fandom court of shipping laws." I don't know if that helps at all, anon, but I hope it does, especially since you're not watching the show anymore, just like me & many of us surviving Lizzington shippers!! I would simply recommend not worrying about the crap they've spewed past season 8 7 6 3A - even if they try to confirm R*derina in the end - & instead enjoy the Lizzington proof & moments & beauty we were graced with while it lasted. Sometimes straight-up denial & sticking to your beliefs are the way to go 🥲🥲

Other that ^THAT^ lol, I've been quite well, thank you for asking, dear anon!! 🥰 And might I add that I so appreciate your respect for my #real life away from tumblr & AO3 bc - as irritating as it can be - I do have one LOL & it can get busy just like everyone else's, of course, & idk, I just really appreciated the way you worded that, so thank you so much 🥰🥰🥰 To answer your question in unspecific terms, I'm currently starting the process of going back to music school after a pandemic/personal health break to do some post-grad work. But, of course, a musician's life is not an easy one & the process takes time - especially after a break like I've had - so it's slow-going at the moment... But I'm chugging along with it & excited to get back to my passion of making music!! 😊 And, of course, I'm hoping to have more time to write in the coming days as I settle into a hopefully more productive real life routine, & bc I know I will need the stress relief of fic. I'm very excited to get down to work on Halcyon & hopefully bring you new content as soon as possible!! And of course I'm so flattered that you're looking forward to it!! Granted, it will be a while... I have just under 12k so far with just the beginning bits & my outline is only growing... sooo I think it's safe to say this will be my longest, most ambitious fic project to date. But I certainly hope it will be worth the wait - for both you & me!! 😂 Anyway, I think I've blabbed on for long enough, so the only thing left is to thank you so much for your kind & lovely ask!! I hope my response did something to help you feel a little better about things & I promise to have new Lizzington fic out as soon as I can!! Thank you again, sweet anon, & much, much love to you always, my friend!! 😍🥰❤️

[lue-arlert]

Okay separate post bc I was getting off topic but I have to go grocery shopping first thing in the morning bc I’m totally out of food (for the most part*) and water and like I am suffering

*By this I mean I have a shitload of frozen chicken breasts and two lbs of frozen beef (tbh I have no idea where the second one came from bc I only remember buying one but they have the same best by date so idk

I had bloodwork done this past week and discovered my cholesterol levels are high so now I need to look into meals/foods I can eat to correct that.

I’m already scheduled to see a dietician on the 30th and I have a book of foods/meals for insulin resistance which I still need to follow but my issue—as always—is not having any fucking energy to cook.

And for some reason I can look at these meals, which include pictures of each ingredient, and I can add those ingredients to a grocery list, but I cannot shop for them or cook them. I have no idea where the disconnect in my brain is. Like I have a very clear piece of information in front of me and then I just. Stop functioning. So I stick with safe foods that are carb and calorie dense 🙃

[karahalloway]

Harper & Drake - OTP Asks (Part 1)

Series: TRR

Pairing: Drake Walker x F!OC (Harper Gale)

Summary: So, @aussiegurl1234​ and @nestledonthaveone​ both decided to send me a chucky list of questions from an OTP Asks list that was circulating on Tumblr. And rather than responding to them individually, I decided to make a 'masterlist' of the selected questions and the corresponding (in-character) responses.

Word count: 3,200 (you can blame the many questions... 🙃)

Warnings: Swearing, references to lemons and SPOILERS. This 'interview' takes place about halfway through the as-yet unwritten and untitled Book 3 and references conversations and events from (Un)Common Attraction and (Less Than) Noble Intentions. It also contains spoilers for (Less Than) Noble Intentions and Book 3. So, if you hate spoilers, STAY WELL AWAY! Otherwise, happy reading!

Also, if anyone has any additional questions they want answered by Harper and Drake about their relationship (much to Drake's disgust), then feel free to send an ask and I’ll add them in here!

Drake: Seriously? What's with all these questions? We've done so many of these already.

Harper: We've done two.*

Drake: Which is two too many. Do these people have nothing better to do than stick their noses up our business all the time?

Harper: I like these! I think they're fun! Wonder what they're gonna ask us this time...

Drake: Deeply personal stuff, knowing them... *Looks at the questions* Sweet Jesus! Have you seen this list? It's never-fuckin'-ending!

Harper: Best get started then, hadn't we, Walker!

Drake: The things I do for you people... *Takes a swig of whiskey* Right. Let's get this done.

. 5. What personality trait do they love the most about each other?

Harper: The fact that underneath all the snarky eye-rolls, he's got a heart of solid gold. He will do literally anything for those he cares about, without expecting anything in return. It's seriously sweet... and hot.

Drake: Yeah, well, my parents raised me right.

Harper: What about you? What's the thing you love most about me?

Drake: Apart from the fact that you're perfect in every goddamn way?

Harper: Yeah. I think they want specifics.

Drake: I know I'm gonna regret saying this... but if I had to choose, then it would be your unrelenting Yankee sass.

Harper: Ha! I knew it! I knew you just pretend to gripe about that!

Drake: I love that you don't take no shit from nobody... including me. But you've not vindictive about it like Livy is.

Harper: I'll be sure to remind you of that next time we disagree on something!

Drake: Oh, I know you will...

. 6. What random everyday object/activity makes them think of each other?

Harper: Horses. Whiskey. BMWs. Biker jackets. Burgers. Literally every Luke Bryan song...

Drake: Chocolate. Frappuccino's. Anything that smells of honey or chamomile. Whenever I see someone wearing a white sundress. Any kind of view... And pool tables. Can't look at a pool table without—

Harper: I think that's all they need to know!

Drake: What happened to wanting to over-share, Gale?

Harper: They don't need to know everything!

. 7. What is something they'd want to change about the other if they could?

Harper: Nothing.

Drake: I'd say the same...

Harper: But?

Drake: But you do snore. Real loud...

Harper: Only when I'm really tired. Or sick.

Drake: Right. In. My. Motherfuckin' ear. Every goddamn time.

Harper: It's not that bad...

Drake: It really is. It's like sleeping next to a congested elephant sometimes...

Harper: What happened to being perfect in every goddamn way?

Drake: I remembered the snoring...

Harper: *Leans into Drake and snores loudly at him*

Drake: *Pulls a face that's equal parts disgusted and exasperated* You're lucky I love you...

. 10. Have they had romantic partners before?

Drake: Seriously... Who came up with these questions? They expectin' us to be celibate or something?

Harper: Of course we had. We had lives before we met each other, and we had to gain experience from somewhere, right? Or, in Drake's case a lot of somewheres.

Drake: Like you said... Had to gain the experience from somewhere. But now you reap all the benefits, baby.

Harper: Lucky me... *Leans in for a kiss* Though I'm pretty sure all that experience of yours has ruined me for other guys...

Drake: Good.

. 19. Would they ever lie to each other? Why or why not?

Drake: She's tried a few times. But her poker face is terrible...

Harper: Hey! I've never lied to you! I've just... omitted certain key pieces of info.

Drake: Omission... commission... It don't matter how you slice it, girl, the end result is the same. I'm gonna know you're hiding something.

Harper: How else am I supposed to organise your birthday parties?!

Drake: Get better at lying. Or better yet, stop with the parties. You know you don't need to surprise me.

Harper: But everyone likes it. Including you.

Drake: ...I invoke my right to the Fifth.

Harper: Who's not being honest now, Walker?

Drake: You're not allowed to draw inferences — positive or negative — from that statement. And I'm not being dishonest. I'm just reserving the right to not answer the question.

Harper: You and your technicalities...

. 20. Are they interested in marriage? Why or why not?

Harper: We wouldn't be gettin' hitched if we weren't!

Drake: Seeing Mom and Dad together... sharing those little moments in between with each other, or with Savs and me... it made me want the same. Even though he was busy with work, Dad was always so happy to come home, to have dinner with us when he could, take us camping, or just throw a barbecue together on the weekend where we'd all chip in. Because ultimately, that's what really matters... what ends up staying with you. But living at court, it wasn't something I thought I'd be able to make work, so I wasn't really even looking for anything long term, let alone permanent. Until Harper came along.

Harper: Yeah, I was the same. My mom's been pushing me to find a nice boy and settle down since I finished college, but I wanted to do all these other things like see the world, broaden my horizons, experience life outside of Montana. But when Drake proposed, there was only one answer.

Drake: Took your sweet ass time to say it, though!

Harper: I was literally speechless... You caught me so massively by surprise!

Drake: Yeah... myself as well. It wasn't planned. At all. I didn't even have a ring.

Harper: Which is funny, 'cause normally you're so detail-oriented.

Drake: Yeah, well... Spontaneity works sometimes too. *Thoughtful pause* How d'you feel about eloping?

Harper: I'd love it. It's so romantic! But our families – mine especially – would never forgive us.

Drake: Who says they need to know?

. 21. Are they interested in having children? Why or why not?

Drake: 100%. I want to be able to teach my kids everything Dad taught me.

Harper: Yes. Definitely. Can you imagine a mini-version of Drake running around?

Drake: Yeah... total chaos. A mini-version of you might be better.

Harper: Be careful what you wish for, Walker! I was apparently quite a handful... constantly trying to keep up with my brothers.

Drake: Yeah... I can imagine. Either way, it's gonna be life-changing. In every sense of the word. But we've agreed that we'd wait a year or two after getting married before trying.

Harper: Yes. Everything's been so hectic the past six months with the social season and the engagement tour... I just want the chance to spend some time with Drake — just the two of us — before we drop a baby into the mix.

. 24. Are there any kinks or fetishes they share or don't?

Harper: We both like tying each other up.

Drake: And licking food off each other.

Harper: You a bit more than me.

Drake: If I covered myself in whipped cream or chocolate sauce, would you say 'no'?

Harper: ...no.

Drake: There you go. And the teasing and the edging's pretty great too. Even if it drives both of us up the wall when we're in the middle of it.

Harper: Not sure about the spanking though...

Drake: *Raises a brow* That's not the message I've been gettin'...

Harper: It's not that I don't like it... It just... feels a bit strange.

Drake: We can drop it... If you stop wearing panties under your dresses.

Harper: We've been over this! I need to wear underwear sometimes! And anyway, I thought we agreed—

Drake: I never agreed.

Harper: Yes. You did. You specifically said—

Drake: I acknowledged your statement. But I never agreed.

Harper: You're impossible!

Drake: Thought you knew that by now...

Harper: *Rolls eyes*

. 25. Are they sentimental about gifts they've received from each other?

Harper: I get sentimental every time Drake buys me something!

Drake: Not to mention majorly turned on...

Harper: *Blushes* Yeah... That too... Not sure why, but it just happens. Especially if I'm not expecting the gift... Like with the phone and the charm bracelet.

Drake: That's why I make a point of surprising you.

Harper: Yeah, so you can get laid in exchange.

Drake: Hey. Don't complain. It's a win-win-win.

Harper: That said, you got quite sentimental when I got you that surprise gift in Florence.

Drake: Well... yeah. I wasn't expecting it.

Harper: But I picked well?

Drake: *Laces fingers through her hand* I haven't taken it off and I never will.

Harper: Just like I won't ever take off the bracelet you got me *Leans in for a kiss*

@aussiegurl1234 And that's all you're gettin'! You have to sit pretty and wait 'til Italy to find out what this mysterious present is! Muhahaha! (Need to keep some things a surprise, after all... 😋)

. 26. What holidays do they like?

Harper: Christmas! I love Christmas! Especially a white Christmas (which you normally get in Montana). I love waking up Christmas morning with snow on the ground, grabbing an eggnog latte and sitting around the tree in my PJs and fuzzy boots opening presents while listening to Christmas classics!

Drake: For me it's the Fourth of July.

Harper: Ooh! That's a good one too! So much barbeque and the fireworks...

Drake: Dad never really made a big deal out of his American heritage. Except on Independence Day. Then he'd go all out. He'd make all the food from scratch, stick little US flags in everything and blare American classics like Springsteen, Hendrix and Credence from the stereo while cooking. It's actually one of the things I remember most from when I was a kid... in addition to the camping trips.

Harper: Well, we can certainly keep the traditions going.

Drake: I definitely plan to.

. 27. How do they feel about Valentine's Day?

Drake: I honestly don't see why you need to designate one day of the year to show someone you love 'em. Just an over-commercialised con in my mind...

Harper: You're just saying that because you've never done Valentine's Day before.

Drake: That's irrelevant.

Harper: I can't believe you said that! You – of all people – should know that you should never judge a book by its cover.

Drake: Trust me, I don't need to have read that particular book to be able to judge it.

Harper: *Narrows eyes* Unbelievable...

Drake: ...we're doing Valentine's Day, aren't we?

Harper: Bet your ass we are, cowboy!

Drake: Fine. But only if you wear sexy underwear.

Harper: That's kind of a given...

Drake: Now we're talking.

. 28. Are they jealous/possessive of each other?

*They glance at each other again*

Harper: I wouldn't say jealous or possessive...

Drake: We're territorial.

Harper: Yeah, that's probably a good way to describe it. I love Drake, and I know he loves me, so even though I know he has a past, I'm not worried about him cheating on me or anything like that. But probably because of everything that we had to go through during the social season and the engagement tour, having to hide how we felt about each other and sometimes needing to pretend that we were interested in other people to ward off suspicion, both of us developed a kind of compulsion to... stake our claim on each other...

Drake: Is that what we're calling it now?

Harper: Why? What do you want to call it?

Drake: The term 'branding' comes to mind...

Harper: *Blushes again* Erm... yes. Passions definitely ran high during the engagement tour. For both of us.

Drake: Hey. I'm not complainin'. But it was definitely hard having to watch all those aristos make passes at you and not being able to intervene. Because I while was never worried about you, I was sure as hell worried for you. Especially after what happened with that son of a bitch Tariq.

Harper: Luckily, that's all in the past now.

Drake: Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let my guard down. I promised you that I'd have your back. And I intend to keep that promise, come hell or highwater.

Harper: I know. I love it when you get protective.

Drake: *Pulling her closer* You're worth protecting, girl.

. 32. How do they comfort each other?

Harper: If I'm stressed, angry or upset, all Drake has to do is pull me into his arms, and I instantly relax. There's something about holding him, about breathing him in that just makes me forget the world around me.

Drake: Exactly what she said.

. 34. What's their favourite nonsexual activity together?

Harper: We like doing most things together. But for me personally, it's going for a long ride on horseback, or slobbing out on the couch with a movie and some takeaway. Oh! And having a bath together. With lots of bubbles, of course!

Drake: Those are all great. As is showering together. Or just going for a walk or a drive. But for me, it's falling asleep tangled up together. That'll never get old.

Harper: Or waking up together.

Drake: Breakfast in bed... I love every moment we get to spend together.

Harper: Same.

. 35. How do they deal with being away from each other for a long time?

*They glance at each other again*

Harper: Honestly? We don't deal that well with being apart...

Drake: It fuckin' sucks...

Harper: Video calls help a bit, but—

Drake: Like hell they do! They make it worse. I hate not being able to touch you... kiss you... breathe you in... Those calls are the worst kind of torture...

Harper: But like Drake said, they kinda just make us miss each other more because we both need that full body, sensory experience that you can only get when we're physically together.

Drake: The reunion sex helps make up for it though.

Harper: Yeah... Those... those are intense.

. 36. What is their favourite place to kiss the other? (Cheek, hand, closed eyelid, neck, nose, etc.)

Harper: Eugh... Do I have to choose?

Drake: Yeah, seriously... What kind of dumb ass question is this?

Harper: I love kissing him everywhere...

Drake: Same. I could kiss her all—

Harper: ...and licking him, and biting him...

Drake: —over. You are good with your mouth.

Harper: So are you. Tongue especially. And you just taste so good...*Runs tongue over top lip* I'd eat you up if I could.

Drake: You mean, like this? *Grabs her for a hungry kiss*

Harper: Mmm... Just like that. So, suffice to say, we're both pretty insatiable when it comes to each other.

. 39. Who gets hit on the most?

Harper: Definitely Drake.

Drake: No way. The number of times I've seen those pervy aristos get handsy with you during the engagement tour...

Harper: They weren't hitting on me. They were trying to encourage me to put a good word in with Christian for them.

Drake: By hitting on you.

Harper: Eugh... I guess... In their own sick world... *Shudders* But what about all the times I've caught Kiara pawing at you and trying to—

Drake: Fuck, don't remind me...

Harper: Not to mention all the waitresses and receptionists who moon over you...

Drake: What?

Harper: ...and random girls at bars trying to chat you up...

Drake: When?

Harper: Literally every time we go anywhere!

Drake: I'd've probably noticed if it were true... You sure you're not imaging things, Gale?

Harper: *Narrows eyes* I'm sure. They're pretty damn obvious about it. But, if you haven't noticed it, then I guess I don't have anything to worry about, do I?

Drake: Definitely not. You know I only have eyes for you, girl. *Leans over for a kiss*

Harper: So, basically, both of us get hit on. A lot.

Drake: There is a way to remedy that, y'know...

Harper: How? Both of us put on 30lbs and wear paper bags on our heads?

Drake: We stop going out. Spend all day naked in bed... or on the sofa... or on the floor.

Harper: Hmm... there's a thought...

. 42. Who is the sensible, mature one?

Harper: Depends on the situation. If I freak out, Drake's normally able to stay calm and level-headed.

Drake: And when I lose my shit, you're usually able to calm me down.

Harper: But overall, we're both quite practical and realistic.

Drake: Yeah. We work well together.

. 45. If one of them forgot to log out of their SoMe, what would their partner do?

Drake: Again, what the hell is this question? Do they want to know whether we'd trawl through each other's social media?

Harper: Well, with your job, it's not an unreasonable question to want to know the answer to.

Drake: I don't spy on you. Never have and never will.

Harper: But you have tracked my phone.

Drake: That was different. I needed to find you and tracking your phone was the fastest and easiest way to do it.

Harper: I guess...

Drake: What about you? Would you look?

Harper: I want to say 'no'... But if I'm honest, I probably would. Not because I don't trust you, but because—

Drake: You're a shameless snooper who has the curiosity of a cat with two lives left.

Harper: You know me so well.

. 46. How do they make each other laugh?

Harper: Usually just by talking. Even if things get heated, one of us will say something unexpected in the middle of a back-and-forth that will crack the other one up.

Drake: Definitely helps that we have pretty much the same sense of humour. And neither of us shy away from snark, sarcasm or cussin'.

Harper: It's what happens when you grow up with three older brothers...

Drake: I don't mind. Means you can hold your own.

. 48. Who would bring home a homeless animal?

Harper: Drake.

Drake: Definitely Gale.

Harper: What? You were the one who took pity on Marvel in Rome.

Drake: Because he was injured and starving. I wasn't gonna leave him on the side of the road to suffer. But my plan was to drop him off at the local shelter. You were the one who insisted we keep him.

Harper: Were you? Really? When you been hankering after a dog for how many years?

Drake: Yes. Really. With the engagement tour in full swing and that piece of shit Besnard still on the loose, not to mention the no pet policy at the Palace, I didn't think adopting a 30lbs adolescent Husky was a smart move.

Harper: *Scratching Marvel under the chin* But who can so 'no' this cutey-wootey face...? Not Drakey-Wakey...

Drake: Sweet Jesus...

Harper: *Continues loving on Marvel* No! Because he's a big ol' pile of fluffy marshmallow fluff on the inside, isn't he?

Drake: *Rolls eyes*

Harper: Isn't he? Oh, yes he is! We know he is! Don't we? Don't we, Marvel?

Drake: Are you done?

Marvel: Arf!

Harper: See? Even the dog agrees with me.

Drake: You're gonna be the death of me, girl. You and that mutt.

Harper: But you love us really.

Drake: *Shakes head with a smirk* Yeah... Yeah, I do.

Harper: Says it all, really...  🥰

*A/N: This comment refers to the two sets of character profiles that I did for Books 1 and 2.

Photo credits

Harper - Hug - Kiss - Jump - Drake - Sleepy

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[piceuscelus]

oh look i wrote something that wasn’t any of the prompts in my inbox 🙃 this is all twist’s fault

oops. have 3.3k of eskel being dirtybadwrong and using axii to put lambert on his knees and fuck his face. all tags and warnings (and also the fucking italics) on ao3!

Eskel couldn’t say what, exactly, is the final straw in his patience for dealing with Lambert’s shitty mood, but he does know he’s hit it. He barely even thinks about what he does, so frustrated with his brother’s bitter whining and general bad temper that he just reacts, doesn’t even rationalize it first. 

He snaps, “Shut up,” just as he finishes the Sign, and only then does it really occur to him what he’s done, what he’s doing – but now, well. Lambert is standing silent in front of him, face gone a little slack, eyes pointed at Eskel but hazy, like there’s a light in the window but no one is actually home. 

He takes a deep breath, and considers.

He could just drop the Sign, apologize for it and the snapping, and move on. He’d probably have to deal with more of Lambert’s bitching, then, both about the Axii and a continuation of whatever he’d been bleating about previously, whatever it had been. He could, but he thinks about having to listen to more of the complaining, and…. No. Actually, that’s not an option at all.

He could tell Lambert to stop complaining, then, and Axii would make him do it – but there wouldn’t be a guarantee on how long that would stick, and considering the power behind most of Eskel’s Signs, even when he’s not trying, well. He doesn’t want to take the chance on that order sticking around for too long, and end up with Lambert hurt or worse because he won’t – can’t – complain. Already, he’s taken a risk by not thinking before he ordered Lambert to shut up. That, plus how he’d have to add in something about making Lambert forget about the Axii so his brother doesn’t just build up resentment about the whole thing – it’s not worth the poor odds or the effort. 

Which only really leaves him with one choice, once he’s thought it all through. 

“Tell me the truth right now,” he says firmly, and he waits until he can tell the order has settled into Lambert’s mind, seeing how his mouth moves as if he’s about to say something but never does. “What the fuck is wrong with you lately?”

The hazy look on Lambert’s face doesn’t disappear, but he answers the question as if nothing is different or wrong at all, voice exactly as peevish as it had been before Eskel shut him up. “I’m too far in my own fucking head.”

That…clarifies absolutely nothing, because of course Lambert is too far in his head, that’s just what he’s like. To the detriment of himself and others. Usually, though, they can fix that – they just have to force him out of his head, somehow, whether that be with a rough scrap during training or making him his favorite stew. But neither of those things, or any of the other things they’ve tried (namely, getting him so drunk his eyes cross) have worked. 

He thinks for a moment. Realistically, he knows that when Lambert gets like this he needs something, something he can’t ask for or at least doesn’t feel like he can. And if they’ve tried providing the usual suspects – a good fight, creature comfort, drunken thoughtlessness – then clearly it’s something else, something they haven’t been giving him, something he can’t get by himself. 

“Tell me the truth right now,” he repeats. “What do you need?”

“Need someone to put me on my knees and make me stop fucking thinking,” Lambert answers, and then he continues unprompted, “Feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin but fucking isn’t enough.”

And that catches Eskel off guard, because of all the things he’d been expecting, a good fuck was on the list – but that wasn’t what Lambert said. No, he’d said put me on my knees and fucking isn’t enough, which means that this isn’t just some twisted, extended bout of horniness. (Especially considering that Eskel knows Lambert’s been sleeping in Coën’s bed for the last two weeks.)

Which leaves…. Hm.

It’s not as if Eskel is unfamiliar with this particular kind of need, from either end, really, but – well, Lambert has never expressed any kind of interest in that direction, exactly. Not that Lambert is particularly good at expressing his interests, unless they’re more tangible things like alcohol or alchemy, and expressing his wants or needs is and always has been like trying to coax blood from a stone, but.

But.

Somehow, Eskel thinks he should have known. Been able to spot it. It’s not as if Coën is the only one Lambert sleeps with, all of them spend the winters hopping between each others’ beds fairly regularly, but. He…didn’t know. Didn’t expect it, either, which feels even more like a failure in observation on his side.

He retraces Axii in the air, feels how Sign starts to pull – going from just power over Lambert’s will to it not being his anymore at all, being Eskel’s instead. It’s…dangerous, really, and frankly, fucking stupid, but Eskel hasn’t made a properly intelligent decision about this situation at all yet, so he doesn’t feel as wary as he probably should.

“Come with me,” he says, grabbing Lambert’s limp arm and tugging him in the direction of the bedrooms. “Tell me exactly what you want.”

Lambert stumbles a little with the sudden force, but he doesn’t complain, and falls easily into step. “Just want to be good,” he says. “Want to be put on my knees and used, know I’m useful because I can hold still and choke pretty and not think.”

Eskel carefully ignores just how quickly that gets him hard. Luckily, his room is closest, so he doesn’t have to ignore it for too long. He puts Lambert in the middle of the room, then returns to the door to pull it closed and throw the deadbolt. It wouldn’t stand up against any actual force, but that’s not really the point.

The deadbolt means don’t even consider interrupting for anything short of a life-threatening emergency.

“Forget everything from when I told you to shut up to right now.”

Lambert makes an odd noise, face twisting for a moment before it smooths back out. Eskel gives it another beat.

“Where are you?” He asks it as he crosses the room back to where he left Lambert, working at the laces of his pants as he goes, and then Lambert’s when he gets there.

Lambert looks around, even though his eyes stay mostly hazy. “Your bedroom.”

“How did you get here?”

He blinks, frowning. “...I don’t know.”

“Good. You’re dreaming. On your knees.”

Lambert makes that same odd noise, but then he’s nodding and dropping to his knees. To Eskel's surprise – and delight – he immediately puts his arms back, each hand going to the opposite elbow.

“Good boy,” Eskel purrs, and finishes pulling his cock out of his pants. He notes that Lambert isn’t hard, but that’s not too much of a concern, really. What Lambert had said he needed, what he wanted, was to be used, not to get off. If that changes, well, Eskel can manage it when it does. “Open your mouth.”

Lambert’s mouth drops open, tongue already out, seemingly heedless of how quickly he starts to drool like that.

Eskel’s cock throbs in his fist, and he just strokes himself for a moment, letting heat build in his spine while he appreciates the view. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Lambert this quiet and still, and yes, he knows that most of it is probably the Axii, but Lambert had said know I’m useful because I can hold still and choke pretty. It’s not just the Axii, it’s at least partly because this is what Lambert wants, something he’s done before and liked, and that.

That’s the headiest part, really.

“Look so fuckin’ good on your knees like that, Lamb,” Eskel murmurs, shuffling closer, until his feet grame Lambert’s knees. All he has to do to get that pretty mouth on his cock like this is reach out with his free hand and get it into Lambert’s hair, use that to direct him. He follows the pull perfectly, even without an order, tongue wrapping around Eskel’s cockhead before he hollows his cheeks and sucks him deeper. “Fuck.”

He just lets Lambert work for a bit, lets himself feel how much Lambert wants this in how desperately he works his mouth, the way he groans from his chest each time Eskel’s cock jerks. Eventually, he lets go of his dick to get both hands in Lambert’s hair, pulling gently just to test how he reacts – which is with a full-body shudder and a moan that vibrates clear to Eskel’s balls.

“Fuck, so good,” Eskel rumbles. “Needy little thing, aren’t you.”

Lambert’s tongue moves as if he’s trying to answer, but he doesn’t try to pull back to do it, and his arms remain firmly behind his back. Eskel makes an animal noise, low and pleased, and rocks his hips a little forward, keeping Lambert’s head in place with the grip on his hair. It’s not much, he’s not too deep yet, but even that little show of control, of force, has Lambert’s shoulders relaxing, his eyes sliding all the way closed.

Eskel’s cock throbs heavily on his tongue, and all Lambert does about it is moan, the sound caught in his throat. 

“Put your hands up if you need a break,” Eskel orders, and he gets a muffled sound that’s probably an affirmative. Good enough, at least. “Good boy.”

He starts slow, mostly just rocking back to push back to the same depth, letting Lambert’s hollowed cheeks and wriggling tongue do most of the work, still. It feels so good, he could do nothing but this for hours, he thinks, but what Lambert said keeps repeating in his head: I can hold still and choke pretty. Eskel already thinks he’s pretty, prettier than any whore he’s ever seen, sitting so good on his knees with his eyes closed and his mouth soft and perfect, but if Lambert is needy, then Eskel is greedy.

He picks up the pace, a little, and Lambert just groans, knees shifting wider, but his arms stay where they are, eyes still blissfully closed. 

“So good,” Eskel murmurs, stroking a thumb over Lambert’s temple. “Have such a perfect mouth. Such a good boy, letting me use it.”

With that, he rocks his hips a little deeper, and Lambert gags but doesn’t signal, doesn’t even really go tense – he just gags, and then it passes, and he’s still working his tongue against the bottom of Eskel’s cock like he’s getting paid to do it. 

“Fuck.” He does it again, and again, and again, and Lambert doesn’t gag every time but it feels fucking incredible when he does, and he doesn’t fucking do anything. He just lets Eskel make him gag, lets him use his mouth, shoulders relaxed and arms firmly in place behind him. 

So, of course, Eskel has to try and push more. The deeper he presses, the harder and more Lambert gags, but still he doesn’t signal. Doesn’t do anything except let Eskel use his mouth, drooling and coughing and breathing ragged when he can, and it’s…. Fuck, Eskel hadn’t exactly doubted what Lambert had said, but what someone wants and what they’re capable of don’t always match up. He’d been prepared to be fairly gentle, is all, but even as he pushes and pushes and gets rougher with each thrust, Lambert just – he just…sort of softens. He melts, really, almost literally, body leaning forward and into Eskel instead of away.

“Good boy, taking me so well,” Eskel purrs, and shifts one hand to cup Lambert’s jaw, thumb pressed over his throat. Not to restrict, but just to feel, to hold him a little more securely.

Lambert shivers, though, a little whine spilling out of him before Eskel’s cock can muffle his sounds again, and suddenly Eskel is thinking about trying to do this – for real, properly, so he can cup his palm around Lambert’s pretty throat and squeeze and know that Lambert wants it, that Lambert trusts him with not just his body but his very breath.

But that’s for later. He’s got other things to focus on right now.

“How deep can you take me, hm?” he muses. Lambert’s mouth moves as if to respond, but Eskel doesn’t let him, doesn’t stop in fucking his mouth at all, and Lambert doesn’t seem inclined to try and make him, arms still behind his back, eyes still closed. “Let's find out.”

He slows his movements in favor of being more precise, each shift more dragging his cock along Lambert’s tongue instead of thrusting. Lambert takes it in stride, cheeks hollow with each pull back, tongue soft and clever with each return, even when Eskel presses to the back of his throat and he gags.

“Good boy,” Eskel praises, voice gone a little ragged with how much more intense each gag is when he’s moving this slow. “Just – let me, fuck, yes, just like that.” 

Slow and steady, he’s able to push his cock deeper and deeper and deeper, until he can just feel it starting to press out against his thumb. Lambert’s eyes are watering enough that the wetness is escaping to coat his lashes even with his eyes closed, and his shoulders are shaking, but his arms stay behind his back. Even as his throat flexes, as he makes a muffled, desperately wild sound around Eskel’s cock forcing his throat open.

“Good boy, perfect boy,” Eskel rasps as he pulls back, just as slow as he pressed in. Lambert coughs, and a flood of thick spit coats the head of his cock and drips messily over Lambert’s chin as soon as he’s free of that tight clutch. He pulls back just enough that his cock is resting perilously on Lambert’s lips, just so he can ask, “Do you like choking on my cock like that, pretty thing?”

Lambert’s eyes flutter open, and Eskel’s cock twitches at the sight of them full of tears, pupils dilated so wide they’ve almost eaten the yellow of his iris. “Yes,” he answers, though it’s garbled and lisping with the weight of Eskel’s cockhead on his lips and the tip of his tongue. 

“Good.” Eskel strokes his thumb over Lambert’s throat. “Feels so good to use your throat, Lamb.”

“Please,” Lambert gasps, and it’s just as sputtered and muddled as his yes was, but even if the word had been unintelligible the desperation is clear as day. As if Eskel might stop, might take the praise or his cock away if he doesn’t beg.

He wouldn’t, but he can’t say the plea isn’t encouraging.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he murmurs, and slowly presses his cock back into Lambert’s mouth properly. He takes it beautifully, of course, and eagerly, trying to press forward against Eskel’s grip.

Eskel tuts. “No,” he says, and pulls at Lambert’s hair, not nearly as gently as before. Lambert makes a high, pained noise and shudders, but otherwise stills. Eskel hums. “Good boy,” he murmurs, and then, after a beat of making Lambert wait, continues feeding him his cock.

This time he manages to push even deeper, eyes rolling at how tight Lambert’s throat is, how much tighter it gets when he chokes. There are tears sliding down his face, now, more and more of them with each shaking convulsion of his shoulders, and something about that, the way Lambert is crying but still not stopping him…. It makes his cock jerk in the tight channel of Lambert’s throat, hard enough he can feel it with his thumb.

He holds his cock down Lambert’s spasming throat for as long as he knows he can, counting out the seconds til he knows Lambert’s lungs are probably starting to burn, the shaking turned into forcefully-restrained thrashing. This time, Lambert makes a rough, inhuman sound when Eskel’s cock finally pops out of his throat, but nothing more, and as soon as he’s sucked in a few desperate breaths, his mouth is working at Eskel’s cock again with a fervor that borders on overwhelming.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Eskel can’t help the way he curls around Lambert’s head, or the way his hips jerk, forcing his cockhead back into Lambert’s throat and making him properly choke, entirely body surging. 

But his arms still don’t come up, and when Eskel fumbles back, he goes right back to that fevered, intense sucking, and he’s helpless except to do it again, then again, then again. Barely a minute passes before he’s lost control almost entirely, grip on Lambert’s head entirely too tight as he fucks Lambert’s face, his throat, like a man possessed. 

Frankly, he thinks he might have been.

He stops even noticing the way Lambert gags or chokes except for how fucking fantastic it feels around his cock; Lambert’s arms never raise, fingers gone white with how tightly he’s grasping his elbows, so as far as Eskel is concerned, he’s free to keep shoving his cock down Lambert’s throat until he’s satisfied. 

Which is approaching rapidly, if he’s honest with himself. Between how fucking perfect Lambert’s mouth is, how well he just takes Eskel’s rough fucking, and just – everything else about this, how wrong it is coupled with how fucking good it is, too, he’s so close he’s going dizzy.

“Good,” he pants, “good boy, so perfect, Lamb, fuck, sweetheart, gonna come down this perfect throat – want it, fuck, ffffuck – ” 

He has the wherewithal to pull back just enough to let Lambert gasp in a breath, but only barely, and it’s probably not enough air, but he can’t make himself care, not when he’s already coming as he shoves his cock back down Lambert’s throat. All the way, this time, too, Lambert’s nose smashed against his belly, the bulge under Eskel’s thumb reaching all the way down to push out the hollow before his collar. 

“Lambert, Lambert.” He’s practically whimpering as he spills, each pulse making his cock throb in the clutch of Lambert’s throat, making Lambert jerk wildly, enough that his hands come free of his elbows and turn to fists, but still his arms don’t come forward, don’t raise. “Good boy, good boy.”

The sound Lambert makes when he finally pulls back is nasty, rough and aching and animal, but almost before it’s finished he’s begging. “Please, please, Eskel, need – need it, need to come, please, please make me come, I’ve been good, please – ”

His voice is barely more than a rasp, but Eskel can hear him loud and clear all the same, and looking down he can see Lambert’s cock curled up out of his pants, nearly purple and twitching viciously with each of Lambert’s grating breaths. He doesn’t bother with words, instead just going to his own knees to pull Lambert into his arms and get a hand around his clearly aching cock. He doesn’t even manage a single stroke, either; just the grip of his palm is enough to send Lambert bucking in his arms, spilling wet and messy over his own belly and Eskel’s fist.

“Good boy, so good, took me so well, look so good coming for me,” Eskel babbles as he works Lambert through it, intensely aware of where his own cock is still hard and oversensitive between them. “Just like that, you’re so good, Lamb.”

It takes a while for Lambert to calm, for his cock to stop throbbing in Eskel’s fist, for his whimpering to dwindle into harsh pants, then just shaky breaths. Eskel just holds him through it, trying to get a handle on his own breathing, willing himself calm to match, until finally Lambert is settled, nearly unconscious, and Eskel is only half hard.

“Perfect boy,” he murmurs, and Lambert mumbles something wordless in response, proving he’s still awake, even if it’s only just. Eskel takes a breath, and after a split second of thought, retraces Axii with the hand still slick with Lambert’s spend. 

“Have good dreams, sweetheart, and sleep for me.”

you can also read this on ao3!