#actually i just realized due to your tags popping up as im adding tags

[sunvoids]

I think we have three gatekeepers. got like different levels of clearance (lvl 1, 2, 3) if I had to compare it to something, or just like an surface, inner and True Gatekeeper(Capitalized for the important..ness. Advanced Gatekeeper lol)

surface gatekeeper is probably the one who's around most, but he-

okay I can't third person talk about myself when I'm Literally Typing, but I'm also typically "flaky as fuck" (not my own words) and generally end up grating against other parts one way or another. But that's either because

1) it's beyond my control

2) can't help being a gatekeeper /j

I'm very likely the one who knows the least out of the three, but it entirely depends on my state as a part that's also fluid in how I'm shaped. I am someone different to certain parts, so it gets convoluted.

anyway, inner gatekeeper is dog shaped. guarding EPs and generally tries to prevent an emotional spaghetti mess from happening, and his gatekeeping role is mainly reserved for when he's not close to front as he's also like... the main part who holds aggressive, impulsive feelings. Hard to explain, everyone becomes affected or provoked differently depending on any given combo of parts present and in what order.

He's the most creature like of all parts, so communication also ends up being mostly non-verbal and ends up expressing by channeling through other parts, which affects in various ways. e.g. trying to do so through another impulsive part might not be the best idea - but it can also present as a lot of excitement or energy to do things

as for our True Gatekeeper....

well to be frank I can't say a lot because I genuinely don't know. He/She lives up to the name. she's generally is not fronting often. either eerily calm or comforting like rain. like a foggy forest or moonlit night with some piano melody playing. that's the vibes, but it's almost impossible to get a read on how he's feeling when interacting with him.

on the account of being the True Gatekeeper, he doesn't communicate too much, but its also because he's mostly intangible so the situation can look like Part Yells At Cloud For Answers and expecting a cloud to do non-cloud things.

also, actually there's a 4th gatekeeper but she's more a part of our True Gatekeeper. last time I checked at least

so that's about it, if you zoom out for the big picture of The Gatekeepers, I'm pretty sure it looks like a forest with some creature in it :p

Curious to spur some discussion, how do gatekeepers in other systems look?

Some general prompt questions that you can answer or ignore.

What do you / they do? Are they able to do something other parts cant? How much of it is a job (as in a task / thing that needs to be done and someone has to do it) versus how much of it is a role (as in a more innate thing that the part is uniquely made for)? How communicative and cooperative are they with the system as a whole? Where do they fall into the structure? Do they front often? How aware of the inner world and real world are they? Do you have multiple gatekeepers or just one? If you have multiple how do they coordinate (if they do)?

These days gatekeeper shit is a large part of my life as a part so I enjoy talking about it and since I've been front more because of gatekeeper shit, I might as well generate some interesting conversation. We need to sleep but either in replies to others or just our own I might answer for me since we have a lot of gatekeepers.

[thespianbooks]

A Court of Nightmares and Starlight //Chapter 12//

Masterlist

(tags: @thron3ofbooks, @df3ndyr, @courtofjurdan, @art-e-mis, @herondamnn, @the-third-me, @im-still-trying-here, @emikadreams, @paytin77, @mis-lil-red, @sleeping-and-books, @lucieisabooknerd *bold tags don’t work! Let me know if you would like to be added to the list!)

For the six weeks I was aware of my pregnancy, I had learned almost everything an expecting female should know at sixteen weeks along. As a human I never learned much about pregnancy or babies and honestly never expected to. I figured I would learn more once my sisters were married and expecting their own. I never anticipated that I would be the first. Now, of course, being a faerie changed all of those preconceived notions. I was mated, in love, and both my mate and I desperately wanted a baby of our own. But after having tried to conceive for the last decade, I was honestly a little embarrassed that I didn't educate myself more on the condition.

However, Madja made sure to inform Rhys and I of what to expect based on whatever stage I was currently in. At four months along, well into the second stage of my pregnancy, Madja advised us that I would soon "pop." We must have looked equally confused at the phrase, because the healer then explained that soon my pregnant belly would become more pronounced—that I would start to show. I naively thought that it already happened, seeing as Rhys was obsessed with the small swell that was my stomach, but Madja expressed that this minor swelling was more of my body bloating from the hormonal changes occurring in my body.

In passing, my pregnancy wasn't at all noticeable. I often chose to wear my usual leggings and soft sweaters around the estate and whenever I ventured into the city—visiting my painting studio Ressina had graciously taken over after current events kept me away. The only time my stomach was truly noticeable was when I was either naked (much to my mates' pleasure) and when I wore the gown that hugged my every curve during our visit to the Court of Nightmares. Even then I had to flatten the fabric in order to really accentuate the curve to Keir and the rest of the court. However, among the fae, my condition was easily noticeable thanks to my scent. Every time Rhys and I had journeyed into the streets of Velaris for walks along the Sidra, dinner at Sevenda's, or otherwise, we received approving smiles from passersby who took notice—all too polite to come outright and congratulate us before we made an official announcement.

Once we had actually announced the news, days after the Court of Nightmares, most every fae—lesser and otherwise, frequently and eagerly praised us. It was such a contrast to the reaction at Hewn City, that I couldn't help but get a little emotional every time someone gave us a gift or offered a piece of advice. Many times, Rhys and I heard of their excitement for when I would start to show—of when my belly would "pop."

And now, standing in front of my floor length mirror wearing my silken dressing gown, I realized I had indeed popped.

I stood astonished as I viewed my new pronounced belly in the mirror, despite it still being rather minor, there was now a distinct outward curve from below my bust line to my hips. I turned to the side to get a better view of my new stomach and blinked; wondering at just how long it might've taken me to notice this change. It had been another week since Rhys and I sent out letters requesting to move up the summit meeting; convincing Tamlin to attend as well. While it only took a couple of days to hear back from all the courts, we were still exchanging letters to iron out the details.

Kallias had been the first to respond, expressing his and Viviane's shared desire to meet early since their child was due in only a matter of weeks. Their child would still be a newborn by the time our summit would normally take place, and neither had the inclination to leave behind their baby or part ways with the other so soon after the birth. After Rhys confirmed with Kallias that it was safe for Viviane to travel, he sent a request for a room for us to stay in—and for me to recover in after winnowing to Thesan's palace.

We both agreed it would be wise to express to Thesan why we needed the room, and the High Lord of the Dawn Court readily agreed—having already received the same request from the High Lord and High Lady of the Winter Court. Along with his approval of the room, he also sent us his congratulations in the form of a large crystalline vase filled with a colored variety of delicate flowers that grew exclusively at his court. I was a little hesitant upon first seeing the bouquet, recalling that the last time we received a gift from a court they had been the blood rubies from Tarquin—after taking his half of the Book of Breathings. Rhys reassured me, however, that flowers were indeed a good sign—the extravagance of the arrangement showing Thesan's support.

"Well look at you," Rhys said from the doorway with a devilish grin, pulling me from my thoughts as I met his gaze. "Or should I say look at you two?"

I grinned at him through the mirror as he crossed the room, getting on his knees before me as he took in the full view of my stomach. His violet eyes were full of adoration as one hand traced the new curve and the other rested on my hip.

"You really are showing now, my love," he said before placing a chaste kiss on my skin.

I smiled and brushed a stray lock of his blue-black hair from his face before he stood again and encircled his arms around my waist. He pulled me gently against him and our grins widened when my newly formed stomach pressed against the hard planes of his.

"You better enjoy being able to hold me this close while you can," I teased. "Pretty soon my belly will be getting in the way."

"Of all the things that could come between us, Feyre darling, this," he said, moving his hands to hold either side of me "is the best."

My face flushed with pure joy as he lowered his brow onto mine, his violet eyes sparkling with an equal amount as I laid my hands on his chest. "Will you still feel that way when I'm as big as a house?" I asked timidly.

For a while I was pondering over the fact that pregnancy now meant my body was going to change—drastically. Realistically, I always knew it was going to happen, but after hearing talks of just how excited everyone was to see the physical evidence of my pregnancy, the reality of this transformation began to settle over me. My figure had been through a few changes before; once transitioning from human to fae and adopting near-perfect features. Again during that period of darkness after Under the Mountain, when I had gone gaunt and pale; my body at its weakest. After coming to the Night Court—to Velaris, I recovered. My cheeks filled in, the color on my pallid complexion came back, and the rest of my figure filled out to a slender physique. Training with Cassian and learning to fly with Azriel had added more weight to my frame, coming strictly from my newfound muscles. Over the last decade, I maintained that lithe and fit shape, but being pregnant meant everything was becoming...soft—or at least softer. As much as I loved and reveled in the joy of knowing my son was growing by the day, I couldn't help but wonder at how Rhys might react to said changes.

"You think I would sneer at the changes in your body or a few permanent stretch marks?" Rhys asked, a bit stunned, reading the insecurities hidden behind my words.

"No! I just...I don't-" I sighed, searching for the accurate way to describe my feelings. A surge of emotions hitting as I sought the right words. "I'm afraid that if I find them ugly, if I hate them, then I'll convince you into hating them too. I know you'll keep telling me I'm beautiful and that I look perfect, but with the way my hormones are wreaking havoc on me, I'm afraid I'll complain so much that you'll begin to see what I see. That, or I'll complain so much that you'll get annoyed with me."

Rhysand's look of shock disappeared as he cupped my face gently in his hands, his violet eyes besotted as he stared into mine. "Nothing you could ever say or do will change my opinion of you, or how I look at you, Feyre darling," he started softly. "You are my mate, my wife, my equal, and now the mother of my child. You will always be that, and so much more, in my eyes, no matter how unattractive you might feel at a certain moment."

I smiled as he pressed another kiss to my brow before moving to my lips. I kissed him back eagerly, draping my arms over his shoulders delicately and pouting a bit as he pulled away prematurely.

"You can't just say perfect things like that and expect me not to shower you with kisses for the rest of the hour," I teased.

His grin was mischievous as his eyes raked over my body, still clad in my silk dressing gown, lingering on my breasts appreciatively as he took in those changes as well. "I would gladly take the rest of the day allowing us to get lost in each other's arms, darling, but we did get the final word from Thesan in regard to the summit."

I languished at the loss of our time alone; at the duties that being High Lord and High Lady were currently stealing from our time as a couple but resigned with a nod. "All the final preparations have been made; the date is set?" I asked, staying in his embrace.

He nodded, "We'll leave tomorrow," he said. His expression grew a bit somber as his hands moved back to my waist, thumbs stroking along the curve of my stomach.

What's wrong? I asked through the bond after a moment of silence passed between us.

"It's Beron," he replied aloud. "He responded that he will be accompanying Eris this year, along with the rest of his entourage."

My blood chilled. Along with sending an imploring letter to Tamlin every year, we also sent an invitation to Beron—who always vehemently denied and in his place Eris attended alone. After our secret negotiation with Eris before the war, we often tried to guess when he would call in his favor—to remove his father off the throne so that he may take over as High Lord, but after all these years he still remained ambiguous in those plans. Over the course of the decade, his meetings with Keir decreased, and while we kept a close eye on those visits and made sure to show up every time he did, we were still anxious that he might also be a participant in Keir's coup. Our plan was to confront him at the summit meeting and gather whatever information we could. Beron's attendance now made said confrontation tricky.

"Do you think Eris is involved?" I asked.

Rhys shook his head. "When we struck that deal, he wanted our backing when it came time to install him on the throne. As ruthless as he is, a part of me believed him when he asked for an alliance," he explained.

I chewed on my lip as I contemplated it. As the eldest of the Vanserra sons, Eris was indeed cruel—especially after what had come from his rejection of the marriage alliance with Mor centuries ago. Still, after his aide in the war and his confession of saving Lucien, it was possible he was still an ally.

"I find it hard to believe he wouldn't know of Beron's plans. He claims ignorance at every summit, but would Beron really keep him in the dark for this long?"

Rhys frowned, "After the war, and all the convincing Eris did on our behalf for the war-effort, it's possible he's turned to another one of his sons to prepare for the throne once he's gone. It might even be part of whatever negotiations he's in with Keir—to support the son of his choice to take over as High Lord one day."

I sighed heavily, seeing the truth in his words and nodded, "So how do we question them now?"

"Beron isn't a stranger to openly sharing his distaste, and something tells me he'll really hate this," he said, motioning to my stomach. "So, we wait for him to dig his own grave. That'll be telling for us, and the others."

I gave him a wry smirk, "Something tells me that this summit isn't going to be as peaceful or quaint as it has been in the past."

"Ah Feyre darling, when have any of our summits been quaint?" He regarded with a grin.

I laughed as I remembered our past summits, which almost always ended with us eating dinner with the other High Lords—along with Vassa, Jurian, and Lucien. We were still wary to refer to Jurian as a friend, but he was most certainly an ally as he served by Queen Vassa's side. Regardless, those dinners always ended up being a rather boisterous, yet enjoyable gathering of friends. It was reassuring to know that while our decade-long tenure of peace was currently in question, at least we could rely on the friendships we had formed with the other courts and the mortals.

"Good point," I said with a sigh. "I just hope everyone else will support us."

"You still don't fully realize just how well-liked you are, do you?" Rhys asked with a warm smirk. "The males might not openly admit it, but they greatly admire you, Feyre darling. And from what I've seen between you, Mor, and Viviane, the High Lady of the Winter Court also holds you in high regard."

I smiled again, trying to hide the blush creeping in on my face. "So, what you're trying to say is; I have nothing to worry about?"

He nodded, almost mocking in his tone as he tapped the tip of my nose. "Precisely, my love."

I tried not to laugh, shaking my head at him. "Prick."

"Right again," he said, this time capturing my lips with his as I laughed in reply.

XXX

The next day Rhys and I were the last to arrive at the front foyer of the manor. Our usual entourage of Cassian, Azriel, Mor, and Nesta waited for us—along with Amren and Elain to see us off. I had always found the latter a strange pairing, but oddly fitting as well. Elain, always one to refrain from any sort of confrontation, preferred to stay away from our summit meetings. Meanwhile, regardless of her transformation as a true high fae, Amren still possessed that air of anonymity as well as intimidation. Her foreboding nature served us well in the Court of Nightmares and would probably aid in our situation with Beron and Tamlin, but our second-in-command never attended the summits. She often claimed that being surrounded by that many animated personalities would render her so exasperated to the point of a migraine. So, she stayed behind and watched over Velaris—as well as kept a close eye on Elain.

"It's about time you show up," Cassian teased as Rhys and I approached the group. "That youngling is already slowing you two down."

"That tends to happen when a pregnant female has her head buried in a toilet for hours," Rhys snarled back, a protective hand coming to rest on the small of my back.

Cassian's mood shifted to one of guilt and I saw Nesta and Mor turn a scowl of disapproval in his direction. I held my hands up in reassurance, "Ignore him, Cassian, the mating bond is making him grumpy."

"But you're not well," Azriel said before Cassian could reply, his hazel eyes carefully taking in my current state.

Unfortunately, it was true. I woke up with another bout of nausea that kept me in our bathing room for the better part of the morning. I was growing weary of these spells of sickness, especially given how seriously Rhys responded to them. Every time I was the least bit unwell, he insisted I remain in bed. Until today, where I determined that we couldn't postpone this meeting regardless of my illness. It was an unfortunate side effect of pregnancy I would have to continue to deal with, and I refused to let it hinder me further.

"I'm all right. Just a part of the process," I said, hand resting on my stomach.

They all looked at my hand, unease looming in the air, but I straightened my shoulders regardless.

"We should go, I don't want us to be the last ones there. The meeting is already going to be delayed until after I have time to recover from winnowing," I said.

"You and Viviane both need that time," Mor said. "All those haughty males will just have to deal with it."

Nesta huffed in approval, and Amren crossed her arms with a wicked grin. "I say milk that time for all its worth. Though I've never been, I've heard from all of you how well the High Lord of Dawn accommodates his guests."

"I've also heard how well everyone attends to a pregnant female. It's so rare among the fae—us, that I'm sure they'll give you anything you need," Elain chimed in, touching my arm delicately.

I gave them a tired smile and nodded, acknowledging their advice as well as their concern. Rhys had expressed just how weary and pale I looked before we left our rooms, and I was sure they all saw it in me now.

"And if they don't, we certainly will." Azriel added, more out of reassurance to Elain than to me.

"By force if we have to," Cassian joked, some of his ease returning.

"That's very sweet of you all, but I'm fine," I insisted, turning to Rhys.

He nodded before addressing the others, "Why don't you all go ahead? We'll be right behind you, and we'll join you in the chamber once Feyre's recovered."

They all nodded in approval before I could protest; Mor taking hold of Cassian's shoulder just as Nesta placed a hand on his arm wordlessly. Azriel disappeared first before Mor winnowed my sister and Cassian away in a whirl of black. I turned back to Rhys incredulously just as Amren led a wary-eyed Elain down the hall that led to her garden, asking something about a new herb she was growing.

"You didn't have to send them ahead of us," I chided, crossing my arms.

Rhys's returning smile was impish, "Now who's grumpy?"

I shoved his shoulder, "I'm serious Rhys! What will the others think?"

He gripped my arms gently, pulling me back to him. "The others will be placated by Thesan until you and Viviane recover. Once we meet with them all in the chamber, and we reveal your pregnancy, they'll understand," he reassured.

I chewed on my lip, considering. "You're sure they won't feel slighted by seeing our entourage present without us?"

Rhys chuckled, "Feyre darling, I bet they're all taking bets on whether you're pregnant or not as the real reason why we're holding the summit this early in the first place." He kissed my temple. "I hope this paranoia is just a temporary symptom of your pregnancy. You are High Lady of the Night Court, you bow to no one," He reminded me.

I nodded with a withering sigh. "I know. This summit just holds such higher stakes; we're not only announcing my pregnancy to our friends, but we're asking for alliances in a civil war that might break out in our court. It's...nerve wracking."

"Understandably so, my love." He kissed my forehead again, his violet eyes burning into mine with admiration. But we'll get through this together.

I smiled and closed my eyes as dark talons caressed my mental shields gently, I slipped them down—reveling in this quiet moment, this peace, alone with him in our minds. He pulled back, physically and mentally, and grinned at me.

"Shields up?" I asked as mine clicked solidly back into place.

"Always," he purred in my ear as one arm came to wrap around my waist.

I closed my eyes as I felt the darkening effects of winnowing begin to engulf us. Prior to pregnancy, the feeling was quick and had a subtle impact—making me dizzy for a moment as I adjusted to my new surroundings. Over time, it hardly bothered me at all. Now it felt sluggish, the darkness hitting me with a force that felt as if I were being dragged through thick mud, and when the light of my new surroundings finally came into view my mind was racing and spinning as if I had been twirling on pointe with my eyes closed for several minutes.

Unfortunately, this harsh vertigo was seemingly getting worse as my pregnancy progressed. I gripped onto Rhys, my nails digging into his arm as I tried to ground myself. I kept my eyes shut tightly as the spinning continued, and I could hardly register the myriad of voices around me. I knew one belonged to Rhys, presumably talking to whatever sentry awaited us at the Dawn Palace. I winced as I felt myself being swept into Rhys's arms and rested my forehead against the crook of his neck as I gulped in a few deep breaths, fighting against the continuous swirling of my surroundings.

When the world finally stilled and my breaths began to slow and came easily, I heard the gentle timbre of Viviane's voice alongside Rhys's and another male I assumed to be Kallias. I couldn't make out what they were saying at first, but I realized I was slowly gaining consciousness as their voices floated in. I hadn't realized I had fainted until I opened my eyes and saw the intricate details of the ceiling of Thesan's sunstone Palace. Rhys was seated at my side on an impossibly soft lounge, his attention back on me as I muttered incoherently.

"What was that, my love?" He asked, concern all over his face.

I blinked and cleared my throat, "I fainted?" I asked, my hoarse voice.

"Just for a few minutes," came Viviane's voice from beside me.

She was in a lounge similar to mine, only a few feet across from me. Her mate standing guard beside her as she sat upright. My eyes were immediately drawn to her large, round belly; a pale hand perched delicately atop it as her own weary gaze met mine.

"Congratulations," she said happily, though I could hear the exhaustion clear in her own voice.

"Oh, Viviane, look at you," I said, trying to sit up but stopped when I felt another wave of dizziness threaten to hit.

Rhys eased me back onto the back of the lounge, "Don't try to sit up just yet, Feyre. You need more time."

I nodded as I readjusted myself against the pillows on the lounge with his help and smiled back at Viviane, "You're huge," I cooed.

I heard Kallias choke back a snarl, a hand coming to grip the back of Viviane's lounge as she rolled her eyes. "Kallias's male-bonded 'tendencies' assume anytime someone says that to me, I'll be inconsolable," she reasoned.

Kallias cleared his throat as he met my gaze, "Apologies," he glanced back down at his mate, "But to be fair, the one time I said it, you burst into tears and shut me out of our rooms for hours."

"That was different, I had only just begun to show, like Feyre." She said, motioning to me.

I glanced down at my stomach, my hand laid atop it in similar fashion to Viviane. I looked at her belly again, astonished that in only a matter of months my stomach would look the same. When Kallias's eyes trailed to me, Rhys's own unabashed snarl ripped from his throat as darkness seeped into the corners of the room. I gripped his hand to calm him just as Kallias's own guard was thrown up, causing Viviane to heave an impatient sigh.

"Honestly, you two and your male instincts will be thrown out of this room if you don't put a leash on it," she snapped.

I heard Kallias mutter an apology just for her ears as Rhys offered a sheepish grin, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her, wanting to shift the conversation back into a lighter one.

She beamed, running a hand along the expanse of her belly, "Honestly? Exhausted doesn't begin to cover how tired I actually am, but in spite of it all," she looked up at Kallias, her icy blue eyes warm. "We're so excited."

Kallias sat beside her, his hand coming to caress her stomach lovingly. I smiled as Rhys's own hand came to rest on mine.

"Do you know if it's a boy or girl?" I asked.

"A girl," Kallias answered, his eyes never leaving Viviane's stomach.

She beamed, "The midwives told us it was a girl, and they're well known for predicting the gender of our courts younglings. They haven't been wrong in centuries."

My heart squeezed at the painful memory of the Winter Court's younglings; of Amarantha's cruelty wiping through the many young and innocent lives of their court. I knew Rhys felt the same shame as we watched Viviane and Kallias share a tender moment, marveling over her swollen stomach and their unborn daughter, and I squeezed his hand again.

It's in the past, and they are healing. I said down the bond, reassuring him.

Rhys squeezed my hand back and gave me a warm smile in thanks. I can't wait to see you like that, round with our child and both of us counting down the days until his arrival

Let's hope I'll be as graceful as Viviane.

I have no doubt about that, Feyre darling

"Do you know what you're having?" Viviane asked with a sly grin, knowing she was cutting into our silent exchange.

Rhys and I shared another before he announced proudly, "A boy."

"Congratulations Rhysand," Kallias said, crossing over from his mate's side to shake Rhys's hand.

Rhys stood to return the gesture, offering his own congratulations as Kallias motioned my mate over to the open archway in the room—a subtle request for a private word. I turned my attention back to Viviane as the two males stepped away.

"It doesn't get any easier does it?" I warily asked.

Viviane gave me a sympathetic smile, "I'm afraid not. Just wait until you start to feel your little one move," she indicated to her stomach. "This one leaps at just the sound of Kallias's voice."

I stared at her stomach in awe, "She can hear you?"

"So, can yours. In fact, he's been able to hear your voice from the beginning. As he grows, he'll be able to hear other outside voices, especially your mates."

I looked down at the swell of my stomach, distinctly smaller than Viviane's, but still visible through my gown. "All this time I've been teasing Rhys about talking to him, not realizing he could actually hear me all along," I said in awe.

She warmed, "Isn't it remarkable?"

I nodded as I caressed my belly lightly but cast a worried glance back at her when she winced and shifted in her seat. She put up a hand to signal to Kallias, who snapped his head in her direction at the sound of discomfort, that she was alright and huffed in annoyance as she turned back to me.

"Enjoy those movements while he's small, because once you reach the end stages it's all feet and elbows in your ribs," she complained as she pressed against one with two fingers.

"Is she moving right now?" I asked, moving upright in my seat to get a better view of her stomach.

She nodded, "Do you want to feel?"

I blinked, mouth agape and was on my feet—albeit still slowly and cautiously as I was just starting to feel better, and crossed over to sit beside her on the lounge. I saw Rhys glance at me, posing a question down the bond before I reassured him that I was all right. Viviane guided one of my hands to the side of her stomach and I sucked in a shocked breath at the swift kick I felt on my palm.

"That was a kick?" I asked, completely stunned.

Viviane grinned as she nodded, "She's strong, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is," I said, mesmerized as I moved my hand to a different spot on her belly; a grin breaking out on my face as I felt another kick.

Viviane adjusted herself again, "She kicks my ribs a lot more lately, now that she's moved into position."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"The midwives say she's moved into the correct birthing position, head down here," she explained, gesturing to her pelvis and then gestured to the apex of her stomach, "And feet up here."

"And that means you're ready to give birth?" I balked, a little nervous that the High Lady of the Winter Court may very well go into labor during our summit.

She chuckled, reading the panic in my face, "Technically yes, but the midwives say I still have a couple of weeks to go. The baby is just getting herself ready."

I nodded in understanding. So far, I hadn't yet considered what labor would be like. Madja had been guiding Rhys and I week by week, sharing with us any warning signs to look out for, but no mentions of labor just yet.

Viviane must have also read that concern in my eyes and placed a reassuring hand on mine, "Don't worry, you'll learn more about the birthing process as you get further along. When I was at your stage, I was just glad not to be puking my guts up every day."

I grimaced, "It was bad for you too?"

She nodded, "There were days I could barely get out of bed!"

I took comfort at that, glad to know I wasn't the only one to have suffered, "But you feel better now?"

She shrugged. "In a sense. I'm not as queasy anymore, but now my back and feet ache—understandably so," she said, motioning to her stomach again.

I smiled empathetically, "Does Kallias never leave your side?" I asked, wondering if their mating bond was as sensitive as Rhys's and mine.

She laughed, "Not for a moment. Especially now that my time is near."

"I'm surprised he's even talking to Rhys right now," I said, gesturing to the two males standing across from one another underneath the intricate open arched window.

"Kallias is probably warning him of what to expect," Viviane said as she followed my gaze.

"What do you mean?"

She sighed, weary. "Our midwives informed us of what the labor process will be like once the time really comes. Not only about the pains and the birth itself, but how...delicate the mating bond is. Females become withdrawn, reserved, as our bodies naturally prepare for the undertaking it will face in order to give birth. Males, on the other hand, grow even more protective if you can believe it; not as aggressive as they are when the bond is new...but more mindful and vigilant. They can apparently sense when their mate is about to go into labor and feel the need to do everything in their power to make sure she is comfortable for that moment."

I watched Rhys and Kallias as she explained, noting the grim line on Rhys's face as Kallias probably went into more depth of what he would experience as a mated male. "Do you think you're getting closer to that time?" I asked.

She shrugged again, "Not yet. As Kallias likes to put it, even this far along I'm as feisty as ever," she laughed lightly and caressed her stomach. "I can tell it worries him though. Bringing about a youngling isn't easy, and I can tell he's anxious to see me in pain."

I frowned, "Will it be terrible?"

She smiled sheepishly, "I'm not sure yet, but I can't imagine it'll be pleasant. But...everyone tells me it's worth it, especially once we see our babies...nothing else is supposed to matter."

The dreamy look in her eyes reassured me and I caressed my own stomach lightly. I can't wait to meet you.

Neither can I. Rhys said through the bond, and I met his gaze as we both exchanged a quick smile before returning to our conversations.

As I kept stroking the gentle swell of my stomach, I couldn't help but wonder if our son could hear us through our bond—if he didn't already have both of his parents voices fully memorized.

[thefunnyamericanspersonal-blog]

Combat knowledge and airsoft.

A lot of people have been asking ma about what is airsoft and where Ive gotten my combat knowledge... Read below the cut! Its kinda long. 

Alright as many or you have learned I love a sport called airsoft. Its like paintball but more realistic. Its a combat simulation sport. Real looking guns and real tactics. All the guns shoot are little BBs. I myself am a support gunner. Meaning I carry a big ass gun. My BAR, MG36 or mainly my RPK These are classified as light machine guns. I carry lots of ammo for myself mainly and quite a bit of gear sometimes. I specialize in heavy fire and area coverage. I point my gun and pull the trigger. Laying down a large amount of BBs into one area. I like this job because its easy and I can stand in the middle of the group. When things go down everyone dives for cover. Not me, I point and rack up the “kills” (Ill be saying kills but they are a stand point kinda thing. I dont kill anyone but in the game if you are hit by a BB then you are dead as far as the game goes. More to come) Sometimes I does result in me being killed but thats the fun of it. A medic will come over and patch me up. Whether its applying a fake tourniquet or placing hands on me for 30 seconds im back up and shooting again. In the Games I go to sometimes full auto, continuous fire, is restricted to the support gunner class. So I normally lug around my RPK which is like 15 pounds and a spare drum magazine and two regular magazines. Bringing my total ammo count to 7,600 BBs. Thats a LOT most normal guns like an M4 only holds 30-148 BBs and consequently I produce a lot of noise when walking. A lot of rattling. But it is really fun. Ive met a lot of really cool people. I go to milsim events or “Military Simulation events” Sometimes I have to carry a lot more equipment for my class. The 7600 bbs I was talking about. I normally sport 4600 at any given time at any game. I play indoor and out door. But I use my PPSH for indoor due to semi auto, single fire, restrictions. Its all great fun. At the Milsim events I normally get chosen for special teams since ive been playing since 2008. The special teams sometimes get some training by special guests or by the squad leaders. I always go to events with friends who have more experience then me and im always the support gunner for them. So I learn many new things. I am also asked to the their support gunner due to my luck, or lack of luck... I am known as a Grenade magnet. (The grenades either make a big pop/bang or shoot bbs and make the big bang all are gas powered CO2) Ive had grenades thrown at me and they always seem to hit me before going off. Like the actual grenade itself hits my chest or leg and then goes off and showers me in bbs. One time, one went off, literally. right in my face that was fun. Didnt hurt cuz of my protection but it was still pretty cool. Then there are things called Tag grenades. They explode in a power cloud to tag a vehicle thats been hit. That was the only time I got hurt playing airsoft. It hit me in my side didnt go off but it felt like a good solid punch. I just kinda laid on the ground for a bit while a massive battle raged on, I was the only person in the town to fully die in the battle. I bleed out in the game standards. I was in the middle of the open yelling at some civilians (Milsims have many fractions one including a civilian fraction that is sometimes hostel) I was busy talking to them so I didnt notice a green truck (ours) rolled up a few yards behind me and a tan truck (enemy) tried to take it out and missed, hitting me. So I bled out after 5 min and walked like 10 yards to the respawn in the hospital and sat up there and drank a bunch of water and ate food. Thats just one of many stories I have. Have some photos!

Me with my RPK and a 44 revolver. I have a holster and a backpack with some repair tools and food and bbs and water thats all I had. and the red rag is my “Dead Rag” to show I have been hit in the game and are bleeding out. The fanny pack had more bbs. 

This here is a 2.5 tonne truck stuck in a river bed. On the other side in the town, is where I was hit the fallowing year by the tag round. We went down the wrong path and well... he got stuck trying to turn around. Luckily they brought two of these and with the help of a bobcat they dug out the river bank and pulled out out by that tree across the river bed

This is me, 4 or so years ago mind you, in my tent at a milsim. It was hot as hell and this was on the final day when my parents came to get me. My dog came to my rescue haha. But yeah that area you see is about all the room I had. I over packed for this one. Some milsims let you sleep in your tent and others make you carry all your gear onto the play field and sleep in the ruff as it were. 

Here is my buddy Zach testing out, back then, a new grenade. The “Thunder B” it makes a really loud bang. I have a video of this somewhere... But yeah. It took us a while to figure these out. We are in a back yard in this pic XD

Indoor games. When put in like a small office space with 20 other people and 5-6 enemies coming for you, “Swat” gets real wild. I love my revolvers XD  But yeah. This was my favorite mode. There were 7 rooms all like bedroom sized with 2 larger rooms. The swat team would have to take out all the bad guys. I was on the swat team several times and it was always nerve racking cuz we only had one medic while the badies could heal whoever. 

This is over 100 pounds of gear I carried up a mountain. Aptly named “Fuck Mountain” It was THE WORST airsoft milsim ive been to. Not because I nearly had a heart attack climbing the mountain and walking 2 miles with all of this but because when we set up... I was sat at a wall with my “Ammo Bitch” as I called him and we sat there for 5 hours... My ammo bitch was my buddy jared. Its a refernce to Dragon Ball z abridged by team 4 star.  “Im Max, and this is Jared, He was an Ammo Bitch...” 

With play sometimes comes injury! These are some of the injuries ive gotten while playing airsoft. My buddy lost a tooth because someone got way too close... 

This ones hard to tell but that is my thigh and those red bots are from an airsoft 40mm grenade. Its a tube loaded grenade and its basically a massive shotgun. I failed to realized after 2 days the shell might be pressurized still... Matrix makes some good stuff... 

Saving Private Brian! And finally we have Brian. He, by far, is my favorite photographer ive met at these events. Hes a really cool dude and he takes a lot of photos and lets me use them and stuff. The first and second photos were both taken by him.  I added this pic because there are lots of shenanigans that go on.  If you have any questions feel free to ask ^^