#about to start shadow and bone im sorry for the person i might become

[artbyace]

anyone else an absolute emotional wreck when they finish a book?,, like what am i supposed to do now, move on ??

[isabellitah]

Title : Our Wife

Pairing : Sakusa Kiyoomi x Female!Reader x Miya Atsumu

Warning : blood ig, curse words, attempted rape, torture, and mentions of death

Credits : to the artists regarding the drawings of Sakusa Kiyoomi and Miya Atsumu found on the banner- i saved them from pinterest I think.

Note : do not copy or repost this anywhere else. I do not write Haikyuu!! fics anywhere else.

Y/n Miya-Sakusa was scared. No- scratch that- you were terrified.

You wouldn’t show it to your captors though- your husbands taught you to never show fear- but Jesus Christ- you were terrified not only for yourself but more so for your unborn child- a child you didn’t even know existed until half an hour before you got kidnapped from your own room. For the past hour that you’ve been tied to a chair in the middle of the room, they haven’t touched your body. The same couldn’t be said for your face. Half of your face was covered in slightly dried blood; blood that came a wound you got when they slammed your head against the edge of your beside drawer to knock you unconscious, and a spilt lip that was still bleeding slightly from when they punched you when you spat at the face of the person who demanded your husbands’ locations and the locations of all your warehouses. The thought alone made you scoff- you’re no rat. Unlike whoever the hell gave your home’s location away. Your husbands were going to be so pissed when they find you gone and your shared room thrashed about.

Sitting on the wooden chair was become a pain in the ass. Literally. You couldn’t even escape because of the metal cuffs attached to your wrists, forearms, and ankles and they took your daggers away. You’re stuck and all you can do it wait. Wait for either your husbands to burst through the door or wait for your promised torture session and possible death.

Minutes- hours- who knows how long later, two men in black barged into the room, startling you from your daydream carrying knives with guns in their holsters. Well... looks like your Omi and Tsumu are too late huh...

“Ready, Princess?” thing 1 with an eyepatch said with a smile, showing his yellow teeth, “Boss said we gots to kill ye before yer husbands get here. Ye know, so they barge in ‘ere only to see yer bleeding body. Even better if they get to see yer naked corpse, doncha think?”

“Boss said not to rape her tho-” thing 1 interrupted thing 2, “what boss doesn’t know won’t hurt ‘im. And besides- I wanna leave Miya a surprise for stabbing my eye.”

And just as thing 1 started moving towards you, a scream was heard from outside the door and echoed into the room, sending shivers down things 1 and 2’s spines. You, on the hand, smiled. They’re here... fucking finally.

“What was that?” Thing 2 looked around nervously. Huh- he must be new to the business. Poor guy he won’t make it far at this point. Thing 1 shrugged, “eh who cares? There’s no one we can’t kill.” he boasted. Dumb overconfident pig.

Another scream rang through followed by a shout of terror, “THEY’RE HERE!” that was cut off as a loud gunshot echoed through the walls followed by a series of bangs and clangs. The familiar sound brought you off guard- they brought everyone? You were sure that that clang was from Michinari’s favorite weapon- his metal bat. Where were you and who took you that they felt it necessary to have everyone here? You were brought out of your train of thoughts when you realized that all of a sudden everything and everyone was silent. All you can hear was your own heartbeat.

“Ah fuck it-” thing 1 looked at your form with a crazed look in his eyes that sent shivers down your spine.

“Dude what are you-”

“Well it’s obvious we won’t make it out alive-”

“Wait what?”

“-might as well have fun before we die, ey?”

With that said he closed the gap between you two. You felt your mind blank as tears started forming in your eyes. The moment he ripped Atsumu’s shirt from your person, the tears fell along with the loudest scream you could muster, “OMI! ATS-” you were cut off as thing 1 smacked your cheek with the butt of his gun, “shut up ye lil bitch. Yer not leavin til I get my f-”

Thing 2 was suddenly down- a hole on the side of his head. None of you even heard the door open so that meant Shinsuke was here- well him or Rintarou since they’re the stealthiest in your family.

Thing 1 suddenly stood up straight and placed his hands up with his palms up and blocking your view from whoever was with you two in the room, “hey uhhh I was forced to do this, mates- it- it wasn’t anything personal, yea?” Sat on a wooden chair in just your undergarments and the remnants of one of your husbands’ shirt, you let a small smile appear on your face. They’re here. You and your little bean are safe now.

Rintarou stepped out of the shadows and from his voice you could tell he looked bored, “so... where is she?”

Thing 1 shook his head, having lost his voice the moment his eyes met the bored yet malicious ones of one Suna Rintarou- one of the deadliest assassins of the Inarizaki family, and prayed that the fox wouldn’t notice your bleeding form behind him.

The moment you let out a sob, he pushed thing 1 away and squatted in front of you. And he was not happy with what he saw was done to you-

He saw your bloody and bruised face. He saw your shaking hands and the tears you let flow from your eyes. But what angered him the most was the fact that someone he viewed as his little sister lost the brightness is her eyes.

Any chance the idiot had with reasoning with him was gone.

“Congratulations, idiot. You’ve secured a spot in our personal dungeon.” Rintarou smiled as he heard a sharp thump before the telltale sound of a body hitting the ground, “you didn’t hit him too hard, did you, Shinsuke-san?”

“Not hard enough.”

“Ok- let’s get these off of you before your hubbies come in here,” with that said both men started unlocking the cuffs trapping you onto the chair. After freeing you, you were immediately hit with the feeling of fatigue and let your body fall onto the person closest to you. Shinsuke caught your semi-limp body and immediately became worried but calmed down as he felt your breaths. He arranged your position so that you were laying across his lap, facing the roof of the cell. Rintarou settled himself beside Shinsuke after texting Kiyoomi your location- receiving an immediate reply that they’ll be there as soon as Atsumu is out of his blood haze. Shinsuke brushed his hand through your hair but immediately stopped when you whimpered, “hit- t-table- home.”

The two men exchanged worried glances when you stared up at them with your eyelids slowly closing. Rintarou tapped your cheek, “Y/n-chan, stay awake- how do you feel right now?”

“Aish of all the questions Rin-”

“B-baby...”

“Kiyoomi-san and Tsumu will be he-”

“M-my baby...” their eyes widened as you shakily placed your hand onto your tummy before falling limp in Shinsuke’s arms. He refrained from panicking when he saw your chest still rising and falling in patterns- you probably fainted from exhaustion.

“Holy shi-”

“Y/N!”

The moment the two saw your limp body they assumed the worst- but as Atsumu was about to yell out his rage and sorrow, Osamu appeared from the shadows and hit the back of his head, “she’s breathing, you moron.”

“I knew that, shitface.”

“Who ya callin’ shitface, ya pig?”

“Who ya callin’ a pi-”

“Aran,” Kiyoomi calmly spoke as he turned to face the hitman- ignoring his husband and brother-in-law, “lead the way out- make sure that there will be no delays. We must take Y/n to Motoya immediately- we don’t know the extent of her wounds- however they look... less than favorable as of the moment.”

At the reminder of your current condition, the twins shutted up, “Osamu,”

“Yeah, Omi-san?”

“Bring that thing with us.” was muttered with great disdain while his finger was pointed towards the unconscious thing 1.

And so they left the building covered in blood with neutral faces.

They may not show it but they were livid.

They didn’t miss your tear and blood stained face nor the the fact that your shirt was ripped right down the middle.

They knew what was going to happen to you had they been a second late.

“Hitoshi and Heisuke are already tracking the rats- we’ll have them in the basement by tonight,” informed Kiyoomi’s trustworthy gunsmith, Tsukasa Iizuna.

“They better- only question now is who gets first dibs on the assholes.”

As they settled into the car, Shinsuke told them the news of your latest surprise. He knew that they’d go even more ballistic were they to find out during the check-up from Motoya. But since they were in a closed and moving car with you on their laps, they couldn’t really do much except stiffen and let their rage grow stronger- and he looks forward to seeing what they’ll do to the bastards tonight. Shinsuke, above all things, is a man of honor- and what he hates above all things, are traitors.

“PLEASE! I’M SORRY! PLEA- AHHH” Thing 1 screamed as Kiyoomi dug his dagger deeper into the man’s shoulder- forming a hollow hole of sort.

“Just a little more... I want to see if your bones are clean or if they need to cleansed as well-”

“Omi-omi~ I want my turn !” whined Atsumu as he crossed his arms and pouted at his husband.

Kiyoomi rolled his eyes, “you had your turn five minutes ago when you spilled acid onto his legs- it’s my turn now.” with that said, Kiyoomi ripped his dagger from the man’s flesh without a warning and grabbing a bowl from the prisoner’s ‘meal’, poured the bowl of scalding hot soup into the hollow flesh.

And as the man wailed, the two traitors squirmed in fear as they awaited their turns.

“We don’t usually go to this extent but what can we say...”

“No one messes with our wife.”

please reblog if you liked it hehe 🥺🥰

[merakiui]

You got any yandere hcs of the boys before we start. Im an yandere obsessed anon who lives and brreaths reading this shit and I wanna know how fucked we can get

(Here you go, wonderful anon! I’ll post yandere hcs for the other teams soon. I’d also like to post yandere fics for these boys, but I’m not sure if anyone’s interested. >-< I’ve got two sitting in my drafts, though!)

Yandere Morning and Day Teams

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 TW: (yandere) unhealthy/obsessive behaviors, mentions of kidnapping/captivity, gas-lighting, starvation, abuse

Morning Team (Mane)

🧩 Ghilley 🧩

Ghilley is definitely a stalker. He’ll be in your shadow whether you like it or not. Nothing escapes his watchful gaze, so it’s important that your enemies choose their words around you.

He’s already skilled at sneaking around, so he’ll use that to his advantage. Popping in to give you a spook, showing up when you’re out with someone else, and even when you think you’re alone.

He’ll follow you if he thinks you’re going to get yourself into trouble again. His poor manager just has a habit of attracting bad people. Just let Ghilley handle all those vengeful spirits. You won’t have to lift a finger!

If anyone gives you problems, tell Ghilley and that issue will be solved in no time. And if you get curious and ask him what happened, he’ll just shrug the question off in a playful manner.

His behavior is unpredictable, so you never know what he does in his spare time. Truthfully, Ghilley’s either watching you or he’s playing a few tricks on those who bothered you. They’ll remember not to mess with you if they’re given a permanent fright.

You won’t notice what’s going on until everyone starts to keep their distance. Friends will make up excuses so they won’t have to hang out with you, and those who might’ve had some romantic interest in you have cut communication altogether.

When you’re feeling down, Ghilley will swoop in to cheer you up. You start to normalize your relationship with him because it’s all you currently know. No one else is willing to talk to you, so you can only rely on him.

Ghilley knows it must hurt to be alone, but it’s the only way he can have you to himself. So he’s willing to bury his pain if it means he’ll get to console you.

He wouldn’t hurt you, but he might remind you every now and then that he’s the only one who hasn’t abandoned you yet.

Yet. A word that’s become part of his daily vocabulary. A word that reminds you of the fact that he could leave you one day.

☀️ Ell ☀️

He shouldn’t feel these emotions to begin with. It’s almost...dirty, in a way. Almost like he’s sinning.

He’s not doing anything bad, though. Loving you was what got him kicked out of Heaven in the first place, but that’s not entirely evil in itself. At first, he assumed Cupid’s Arrow was the one to blame for these lovey-dovey feelings, but it’s not Cupid’s job to foster obsession among former angels.

He doesn’t recognize how suffocating his presence truly is. You’d probably have to tell him to back off before he stops sticking by your side, and even if you did something like that it’d make Ell incredibly sad. Without realizing it, he’ll start to guilt-trip you. 

“I’m sorry, Manager! You just looked like you could use some company. I... I can leave you alone if that’s what you want. You might think I’m annoying and—achoo!”

Nowadays, he’s been sneezing a lot, but the idea that his love for you is what’s causing all of this never crosses his mind. He just can’t wrap his head around that. Why would love, a pure, wonderful feeling, make him sneeze?

Under that smile of his are a dozen worries. He’s afraid he’ll chase you away or that you’ll stop liking him. Ell would feel crushed if that ever happened, so all of his energy goes into appeasing you.

He’ll show up unannounced at your office with your favorite snacks, follow you around the campus, and talk to you about literally anything. He could ramble about the grass if it means you’ll spare him your time.

Ell doesn’t really know the meaning of jealousy or hatred. Having been an angel once, he’s not used to negativity. He doesn’t necessarily feel extreme envy, nor does he hate any of the Reapers, but he does sulk about it.

It’s hard to say when he got obsessed. Perhaps it was when you first met and you mistook him for your own guardian angel. Despite the fact that he’s not an angel anymore, Ell likes the sound of that.

It’s a guardian angel’s job to care for and protect humans, so surely you won’t mind if he stays glued to you like a fungus. After all, it’s harmless, happy Ell! You’ve got nothing to worry about!

🐴 Jamie 🐴

Jamie is so strong it’s scary. Good luck trying to beat him in a fight if you ever attempt an escape.

He seems so innocent and kind on the outside, always willing to lend a hand when you’re struggling with Non-Non. If he’s being honest, he likes doing chores with you. It almost feels like the both of you are working on a farm together in the desolate outdoors. Just you, him, sprawling farmland, and no civilization in sight. How cute is that?

No one suspects he's obsessed until they look beyond that soft appearance of his. His gaze will linger to the point where it’s creepy, and he’ll smile while he watches you work.

He’ll get better at technology and city life so he’ll have something else to chat about whenever it’s just you and him.

If he finds out that you’re interested in something, he’ll try his best to learn more about it. Oh, you mentioned a new movie that’s been released in the human world? Maybe he’ll have to see it for himself. Did you want to try a new pastry from your favorite bakery? Jamie will buy it for you, so you should go with him!

He’s reliable, kind, and helpful—surely you’ll fall for those qualities. If not, he’ll find another way. After all, there’s a saying that goes ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way,’ and it’s not like he’ll give up anytime soon.

Jamie likes to imagine a comfortable life with you on the farm. Both of you will tend to the land and the animals, you’ll always have fresh crops, and you'll be together forever. It’s an ideal fantasy, but if you’re not willing he might just have to lock you up in the stables. 

Jamie doesn’t fret over potential rivals. If he was able to silence the thugs in his neighborhood, a few pesky humans are nothing.

He’ll get flustered when you say anything nice to him. It really warms his heart to be at the receiving end of your caring words.

And it’s even better when you're accepting his suffocating love. You’ll find that the bed is much softer than the stable. Just don’t push him too far. Sometimes he doesn’t realize his own strength, and your bones can only take so much pressure.

💋 Licht 💋

Licht didn’t think he’d find his soulmate so soon! Whether you click or not, Licht certainly feels a special connection. He’s going to flirt with you no matter what.

It’s up to you whether you respond to his playful advances, but if you decide to humor him be prepared to have this man all over you. If you’re returning his playful gestures and remarks, it must mean something!

Licht lives for storybook romance. There’s something so lovely about sweeping his true love off of their feet, so he’d like to woo you in traditional ways. He’ll gift you your favorite candies, give you a bouquet of flowers, and buy you cute trinkets that remind him of you.

He takes note of what you wear and whether or not you put on a perfume/cologne on certain days. He’ll memorize your fashion style and then try to match it with his own. Licht’s happy whenever the two of you conveniently match outfits. It’s almost like you’re a couple.

He’ll probably spray his own cologne on your clothes if he ever gets a hold of them. You’ll wonder where this new scent came from, and Licht will be over the moon if you decide to leave it as it is.

Licht will invite you on dates under the guise that the two of you are just hanging out as friends. Lo and behold, his real motive is to act like your boyfriend. If you aren’t careful, he might just go around telling strangers that you’re his partner.

He’s always touching you in some way. Sometimes it’s an arm around your waist or his hands are on your shoulders. To some, it’s just his affectionate personality, but to you it’s completely suffocating.

Whenever he holds your hand, it almost feels like he’s daring you to try. Like he wants you to run off and get a taste of the scary world so that he can come in to save you like a true prince.

He hopes that enough flirting will have you confessing. All of these romantic gestures have got to count for something!

Despite this, Licht wants to believe you love him as much as he loves you. Tricking himself is easy, but convincing you is going to be a challenge.

Day Team (Die)

🎹 Theo 🎹

Theo’s harbored some dark thoughts ever since he witnessed you and Nine in the storage room, happily playing the piano like a pair of friends. Like a pair of lovers.

Theo can’t stand it when the others are around you, especially if they have ill-intent. Whenever he takes care of bullies or vengeful spirits, he’s got this dead look on his face. It’s devoid of any feeling, and his eyes are filled with silent anger. It’s a stare that does more than curse; it could probably kill.

He’s rather clingy, always insisting that he accompany you to and from your destinations. If you decline, he’ll just smile and act polite. But if he finds out that you decided to go with someone else...

Theo wants to be the only one in your life. Everyone else is just a worthless germ that needs to be scrubbed away. If they linger around you for too long, he worries you’ll become infected.

He doesn’t want to hurt you, but sometimes you need to learn a lesson. If you’re so picky about eating the food he so graciously went out and purchased, then maybe you don’t deserve to eat at all. Not until you warm up to his cooking, that is.

He’s willing to do anything for you in order to appear perfect. If you were to tell him to shoulder your workload, he’d do it without a single complaint. If you wanted him to watch paint dry, he’d do it with his head full of you.

All he ever thinks about is you. Sure, his mind flits from June to new recipes to the piano every now and then, but it always seems to settle on you in the end.

What did you eat for breakfast? Did you get enough sleep? Would you like something to drink? Where are you going with Youssef? Why is Nine getting close to you? Why aren’t you looking at him?

Theo will know everything about you in time. Whether you like it or not, he’s going to unearth every detail he can. Even mundane habits you don’t pay attention to. Before you know what’s happening, Theo’s got your schedule memorized thoroughly.

He holds no remorse for those who get in his way. As sweet and disarming as he may seem to those around him, Theo’s wicked behind closed doors. That spell book of his has no business gathering all this dust.

🌹 Louis 🌹

Everyone assumes Louis has no interest in anyone other than himself, so it’s a surprise when he starts to give you more attention than normal.

His compliments start getting personal and they still don’t make sense. Just the other day, you were trudging through the hall, dead-tired, when Louis passed you. He stopped, smiled, and said, “Thy radiance outshines the brightest of stars!”

He’s always energetic like that, so it’s not like his behavior is particularly strange. But he spends more time flattering you than himself. His main priority isn’t his beautiful face anymore.

You deserve the world. Why hasn’t anyone given it to you yet? Fear not because Louis is determined to give you everything you could ever want. He’s a prince, after all, so it’s only fair that you sit upon the throne with him.

There’s no room for anyone else in this relationship. It’s just you and him. If you were to leave him, his heart would shatter! Sadness has never been a good fit on Louis, and you know how much he cares for his appearance. So you’ll do him a favor and stay so he won’t wilt like a rose, right?

It’s almost like he lives off of you. You’re his sunlight, water, and fresh air. Any less of your attention and he’s sighing dramatically. Won’t you be a dear and cheer him up? After all, it’s not every day you see Louis so upset.

He doesn’t want you to hate him. If you do, Louis will just ignore your hurtful feelings. He’s got more than enough love to go around. Surely that’ll convince you that he means no harm.

You’ll be treated like royalty, and everyone else is a mere peasant. Sure, Louis can say that he treasures everyone, but some people just aren’t worth his time.

Naturally, a prince deserves the finest, and he won’t settle for anyone who isn’t you.

So don’t fret! Those chains are only temporary, and once you show him some hospitality he’s willing to ease up on his restrictions. Although his sense of freedom is rather cracked.

♞ Ethan ♞

Ethan is a tough case. He hardly shows his emotions, so it’s difficult to determine how he’s feeling. He’ll never show any hostility towards you, though. It’s nothing but warmth and kindness.

When it comes to the others, he’ll give them the cold shoulder and a few cruel remarks. His patience tends to wear thin when he sees people bothering you.

Ethan’s like a hawk. He’ll keep an eye on you to make sure you’re staying out of trouble and he’ll swoop in as soon as something unsavory happens.

He’ll treat you like a glass figurine that’s always on the verge of breaking. At some point, he becomes your unofficial knight in a way. He’s willing to defend you by all means necessary, so everyone else should back off if they know what’s best for them.

At first, he scorned these feeble emotions for getting in the way of his stony resolve, but now he’s come to accept them.

It’s impossible to deter him from his motives. Once he’s got his mind set, he won’t change it. After all, everything he does is completely intentional.

He’ll just stare at you while you struggle in those bindings. If you were smart, you’d just accept your fate and act docile, but Ethan’s not a fool. He’ll keep you bound for as long as it takes.

You can try to reason with him, but nothing ever works. No matter how sweet the deal may seem, he never agrees to any of it.

Ethan will take care of you while you’re adjusting to a permanent life with him. You won’t go a day without a bath, healthy meals, or a lack of sleep. If Ethan says you’ll bathe, you’ll bathe. If he says you’ll eat, you’ll eat. His word are practically law.

Despite his harsh rules, he’s not that hard on you. He’d never lay a hand upon you, nor will you find yourself at the end of his sharpened sword. As long as you fall into a pleasant routine with little complaint, he’ll be happy.

💥 June 💥

June doesn’t realize his feelings for you are unhealthy. He just thinks they’re a natural part of life! Everyone falls in love at some point, right? So you can’t blame him when he’s doing everything he can to spend more time with you.

Your paperwork will never get done because June wants you to watch him while he trains. He’ll even show you his workout routine, hoping you’ll agree to train with him one day.

He’s one of the Reapers who doesn’t get jealous much. Unless someone’s really trying to get him to snap—which doesn’t happen often. But in the event that he does feel envious, he’ll frown a bit, his voice won’t be at its usual loudness, and he’ll sulk.

Immediately perks up the moment you give him any attention. He practically lives off of your reactions and has no problem announcing that to everyone.

June will remain loyal to you no matter what! Nothing can separate the two of you, and he’s convinced himself that you feel exactly the same. If you’re always smiling, it must mean that you accept his feelings! So then why have you started acting awkward when he continues to ramble passionately about how much he admires your strength and persistence?

Try to leave him and he’ll be so heartbroken. June won’t know how to react! Why would you want to leave? He’s never done anything that would warrant this kind of behavior. Maybe he just needs to give you more affection.

Bright and early, he’s knocking on your dorm with a huge grin. “Manager, the sun hasn’t risen yet, but that doesn’t mean we should wait for it! Let’s train hard today! Haha!”

June loves protecting you. Whenever he saves you from danger, he feels like a hero in those action movies he loves so much. Anyone would love to get saved by someone who’d die for them! This sort of loyalty will have you falling for him in no time.

And if it doesn’t, he can just create a few perilous scenarios. What you don’t know can’t kill you, right?

You’re his soulmate, so there’s no way he’d give you up in his afterlife.

[mulderspice]

have you ever watched an episode of the Emmy award winning sci-fi drama, The X Files?  Maybe you’ve read my original post and yet you’re still wondering where the hell Fox Mulder got all those strands of hair on his jumbo gigantic head.  I am back and here to help you find the answers to some of your burning questions; as we celebrate the hard work and triumphs of the hair and makeup department on the Fox Lot and team up with my big huge brain and my New York State Cosmetology license to give the people what they want once again: another top ten guide to Mulder’s fucking hair..

upon making this post a second time (rip 😔), I realized that just about every episode (yes, every. single. one. even the ones without Mulder and the latest season where he has to share headspace with [redacted]) has its own important and iconic hair looks... You may recognize that some of these are slightly repeated from the last post but that’s ok! What I'm here to do is enforce! So lets get started..

#10 s6:e21 Field Trip: Here again we begin our journey into cosmetic superstardom with a personal favorite of mine.  Mulder rolling with the times by getting a haircut fresh off the FTF wave left our nation in fucking shambles. Can’t imagine going to see a major motion picture in theatres jam packed with Mulder’s most supreme hair looks only to come back to my tv screen to see it all gone away.  For students reading this post for educational purposes, this caused a worldwide walkout on popular salon franchise Supercuts in the year 1998.  However, a haircut didn’t necessarily mean Mulder forgot how to take care of his hair.  The precision and placement as each strand of hair perfectly outlines his jumbo head is revolutionary and inspiring.  Mushroom induced drug high? K. Lemme still grab my teasing comb and my hairspray and make sure I look presentable for when my partner walks into my apartment screaming abt “where's Mulder” and wanting “answers”.  The answer is this: this look is about giving people like myself with big heads rights and looking fuckable while doing so. 10/10 for inspiring hope.

#9 s1:e9 Space: Imagine you’re a few episodes into a show, the core plot is developing right before your eyes and you’re beginning to get to know The X Files three main characters; Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Mulder Hair Strands #1-3.  All is well except, you still have no clue how crucial, and critical Mulder Hair Strands 1-3 will become to the show and to your life and I am here to tell you that you are in for a very rude and bold awakening.  This message goes out to all the haters and all the people who didn’t believe Mulder’s hair was valid prior to season 4. He is here to tell you he DID know how to use dry shampoo and even the occasional blow dry oil and you can suck a dick abt it. Bold of you to assume he wouldn’t pull the round brush and the biosilk out the drawer to impress a visit to fucking NASA. 10/10 for involving science.

#8 s4:e6 Sanguinarium: I sit here writing to you today as the song ‘Handmade Heaven’ comes on shuffle; strikingly fitting for this raw and ethereal image of straight up beauty and wonder and magic and heaven in hair. This special, freshly washed and air dried smells like strawberries and sandalwood and fuckability. The look reaches through your TV and wraps its hands around your neck and sucks the life right out of you.  Are you gonna let it happen? You sure are.  Lucky for you, I just so happened to be there when the angels hand sewed each strand of hair onto his head and here’s what they had to say about it:  this is everything and more and the way Mulder has just washed his hair with fresh mountain water droplets hand collected like nothing else mattered. Put his clothes back on and went on his merry way. Can’t imagine being in Scully’s shoes ready to walk on in her partners room unannounced to go over serious case related matters and theories.  Woulda went bonkers. This truly is a handmade heaven.  Hand crafted by Mulder for Scully and for the good viewers of the globe. 10/10 for embracing me in its arms.

#7 s4:e3 Home: A look from one of primetime TV’s most notorious banned episodes.  Viewer discretion IS advised not only for the horrifying and cringeworthy content displayed in this episode, but for also making it painfully blunt to the viewer that Mulder’s hair follicles are happier and healthier than anybody else's will ever be in their lifetime.  In fact, I can feel my own hair falling out and being respawned onto HIS head as I type this and I’m sure you can too. The way the sun glistens off his golden brown strands makes me want to walk into oncoming traffic.  You might also notice how effortless this look was, as it probably only took a quick run thru with his fingers, and Mulder’s passion and need to look sexy at any time of the day at all times. It’s obvious that this kind of thing comes naturally to him, which just comes off as insulting to men everywhere. 11/10 for striking fear into men’s hearts.

#6 s4:e20 Small Potatoes: Genuinely took every bone and nerve ending in my body to not put this look in the top 5 even though it so clearly deserves it.  Here at mulderspice we believe in diversity, meaning it wouldn’t be right to make my top five greatest hairstyles ever produced on The X Files just of Mulder’s iconic and revolutionizing middle part (though really who is stopping me..). This screenshot in general has me up in arms at how perfectly the blue background matches his eyes, and how it accentuates his hydrated skin and lips.  But you’re not here for that. It’s the hair particularly that really pulls the shot together, as Mulder took the time that morning to spray it with some tinted dry shampoo that most defiantly and absolutely smells like chocolate.   This look feels like a warm hug on a frigid winter day. I feel EMBRACED and I feel CARED FOR thanks to the wonderful staff and team @ Mulder’s head and hair follicles. What the fuck could be better than this. 16/10 for making me feel some type of way.

#5 s4:e8 Tunguska: Currently you may not think anything of Krycek to the left of this image though ill have you know he plays an extremely vital part of this look and all the words I’m about to speak to you directly. So listen up: Krycek may have heroically slayed Mulder’s father in cold blooded and justifiable murder, but we thank him for this, as it caused Mulder to lash out in the best way possible: through looks. “Un-shun: Krycek do you think I’m good to bring my Redkin Rewind 6 styling paste with me or will the Russian TSA think of that as contraband? :Re-shun”.  A sweaty, manly and highly illegal treck through a Russian testing facility and a stint in a violent foreign PRISON surely was not going to stop Mulder from keeping his hair properly hydrated, styled and parted. That’ll really ruffle Krycek’s feathers and make him feel sorry for what he did…. The sexiest way to avenge the death of your deadbeat father. 24/10 for you know why.

#4 s1:e6 Shadows: In the year 1993, Mulder steps onto the scene, young, fresh faced, bright eyed and ready to give men around the globe what they (so desperately) needed: the encouragement to care about their hair.  Any backstreet boy you may know have this scene to thank directly, as this is what encouraged them to reproduce Mulder’s hair onto their own heads time and time again.  What I would give to see with my own eyes Mulder length times width times height his head to equal this perfectly proportionate look of volume and sexy. And who can I write a warrant out to for allowing this shot to take place.  Oh to be the various and expensive hair care products in Mulder’s bathroom …… 899/10 for starting a movement (-1 for making us do equations).

#3: s1:e10 Fallen Angel: The biggest regret I’ve ever had in my short little life was not adding this moment to the last post.  And tumblr deleted it in order to give me this opportunity to present this to you today.  By the way, that absolutely is in fact a choir of angels singing as you view this image. Go ahead and try to think of something on this earth that could be better than this tossled bed headed im-stressed-becos-my-partner-of-2-weeks-isn’t-seeing-the-big-picture-about-how-we’re-all-key-pawns-in-an-ongoing-government-conspiracy hairstyle hand crafted by Mulder all while holding his head in his hands hard at work trying to break through to the truth.  Scully [insert photo of Scully with her eyes popping out of her head here] and I both wanna rip our own hair out and throw it in the garbage. 2000/10 for making our hearts ache..

#2: s4:e10 Paper Hearts: Behold- the image I’m slamming down on the desk at full force when I finally get myself a therapist. I need a licensed professional doctor to help me understand the various angles that this purposeful shot affects my life health and well being. In a paranoia induced out of body experience Mulder took his pinky finger and parted his hair down the middle, took a protractor to perfectly round the tendrils falling ever so gracefully on his forehead and ran out of his apartment and through the woods of DC.  Doesn’t matter if he’s crazy? Doesn’t matter if its fuck all 4am? Who knows if the discoveries of this night is finally going to answer the heartbreaking questions regarding Mulder’s baby sister? Fuck it we’re just gonna make sure Scully has something to look forward to after being awoken yet again in the middle of the night and asked to come wrangle and control this stupid idiot.  This just makes me unhinged.  50000/10 for waking up in the middle of the night and doing the most for us all.  

#1 s4:e3 Teliko: This one will remain number one for as long as I shall live.  I’ve dedicated my life to this cause and I’m ready to make you painfully aware of it. Grab a pen and paper and get ready to do some heavy math with me because this look right in front of your eyes is the equation to happiness and sexiness. Can barely find the words to describe to you how this picture makes me feel. Each strand of hair is personally reaching down and wrapping his head in one big giant hug of protection and solitude.  Unbelievable that Scully didn’t head back to her hotel room and scream at the top of her lungs right after this. There’s no way she went about her day as normal without wanting to kick the shit out of him and then put him back together with soft feathery kisses.  What you are witnessing here is the very turning point of the show where Scully looked into into the very center point of that part and said “guess I have no choice but to fall in love with him 🚶🏽‍♂️”. Chris Carter’s idealistic version of Mulder and the one we actually ended ups seeing as viewers were so drastically different that it’s blatantly clear that he had absolutely no idea the cultural implications that were about to rock the world to its core and tip it on its axis when David Duchovny showed up on set looking like this. I could write a thesis about this. I could conduct research and studies about this.  I got kicked out of college because I cared more about this than I did actual schoolwork. I feel like I’m in a very sexy chokehold. Wish I could live forever in one little square pixel of this image.  Nothing means more to me than this.  1000000/10 no further comments.

and the honorable mentions go to....

s8:e16 Three Words: Dead? Did you die? Did you die and miraculously defy god by rising from the dead and coming back to life? Just got home from the morgue? Think nothing is the same? Left guessing if you’re a soon to be 5 minute father? Did you just fucking die? He’s lost his family and his job and the world just went on without him like it was nobody’s business.  Walked out of the morgue right to his apartment and what did he have left? His expensive array of hair styling and finishing products that’s what the fuck he had left.  Being an all around reject from society didn’t at all stop him from taking his fingers and dipping it into that Big Sexy styling pomade and fluffing his head to high heavens. As a personal fuck you to god and to John Doggett too.  He’ll never let you know the emotional hellstorm going on in his life in that moment but he WILL make it known to you that despite being 8 feet under ground for 6 months he’ll never give up on his hair. For the PEOPLE. Try and go through the nightmare of death and then rejected fatherhood and see if you come out of it with any hair at ALL.  An itty bitty glimpse into what would have been Untitled Mulder Abduction Story (2001)....

I Want To Believe (2008): Here you will see the sluttiest moment in major motion picture history.  Shh im not using this opportunity to show you this screenshot for the 800th time I’m trying to keep you educated.  BREAKING NEWS; Man hiding in home office for 6 years fully off the grid has FULL head of hair and is getting regular sex *not clickbait*. So what if Mulder has gone fully unhinged and off the walls bonkers he’s also gone FULL slut and it shows in that sexy thick voluminous head of slut hair.  If you ever for a second thought prior to seeing this movie for the first time that Mulder would show up a full on son-less wreck and a half think the fuck again babes.  He’s managed to hold on to every single little strand ever grown on his head even well into his middle aged madness and its about time we give him the credit he deserves.  (PS. Please know I wrote this entire spiel without even viewing the shot shown here. Its just permanently etched on the inside of my forehead so its there when my eyes roll back into my head.)  For this we say…..; Whore rights.

s11:e3 Plus One: Incase you were unaware, I have been going through a very slow and painful process of erasing Season 11 from my brain completely.  Its been a long road but its achievable and the end result will save me from a lot of future heartache and trauma.  This however, is a moment I will cherish forever and though you may think its for the hot sex (which is like maybe 30% the case) its actually because it puts together everything I’ve ever loved and believed about the show in only a few thousand pixels. How old is Mulder here? 30? 31? Still has hair and still has an unbelievable amount of love to shower Scully in for as long as they both shall live (which lets face it, she deserves one million times over.)  What this has taught me was to hang up my “Mulder deserved…” hat for good and just be thankful for what I’ve got. I ended up with no son or happy dreamy ending where Mulder gets to die with a family he’s never had in his life, but here we are left with the little things.. Like Mulder and Scully’s unconditional love and most importantly .. The hair on Mulder’s head. Its called growth and acceptance and I am learning it.  Also I just wanted to show you what it would look like if you were like 57 and sexy and still had all ur hair. That’s it :-)

[thestuckylibrary]

Group Ask 166

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Anon 1 said: (past rape/noncon)

Hi! I'm looking for a fic in which Bucky hides his period from the team (once he is with the avengers) because Pierce made him believe that it meant he had lost a baby. There's at least mention of past rape and I remember reading it on ao3, but I haven't been able to find it -Thank you in advance for your help and making this archive!

Anon 2 said:

do you know the fic where steve got the serum but his body build didnt change and he never went down in the ice but he was also aging very slowly and that’s how he made it in the modern world. when he met bucky again, he prevented the events of cw from happening by telling tony about what really happened with his parents and stuff

darkphoenixrisingwrites said:

Hi, I am looking for a Stucky fic on Ao3. Bucky was captured and put into a safe house with Steve. Hr isn't allowed to leave the and isn't talking to Steve at first because he doesn't remember him. A government guy pays them regular visits. A female therapist comes to visit Bucky too. Nat and Sam were guests in the house. Steve manages to get Bucky to talk. Soon Bucky begins to remember stuff. He is sure that his memory of kissing Steve is real but Steve denies it. Steve orders stuff for the house via chat with some guy from the government. Thomas or so. Later Steve and Bucky sleep with each other and get almost caught by that government guy during a surprise visit. Nat, during one of her visits, figures out what's going on between them. If I remember correctly Bucky is on some kind if trial phase. If he behaves and if the therapist declares him not a threat, then he is free to go. If he breaks a rule he'll be tried for his crimes as the WS.

pendragonstar and dragonflybeach sent in We’ll Be Okay Someday* by arthurmarston (WIP | 105,982 | E) *implied/referenced rape/noncon, implied/referenced torture

Anon 3 said:

hi, hello, there’s a fic I’ve been looking for forever and I can’t seem to find... I don’t remember most of the details, but bucky was a merman. His tail was red and he had human legs as long as he didn’t touch any water? I think it was set in the war and it was very angsty. I remember a scene in which they’re being attacked and Bucky jumps off a cliff and into water, turns, and kills their enemies (hydra??)

herkharvey sent in Sharp Teeth and Bird Bones* by Shaish, Stringlish (restricted, complete | 32662 & E) *graphic violence 

musicforlife2000-blog said:

looked everywhere and I can't find this fic, its about Steve being able to teleport, and Peggy has kids with Gabe, and they find Bucky but he doesn't remember himself but makes the decision to trust Steve in the hospital when Steve promises him revenge on hydra their relationship develops while Bucky remembers more, and then something about Steve being able to teleport people in some void and depending on good or bad they see some awful stuff and at the end Becca and Bucky find Steve on a beach

ice-whisper, dragonflybeach, princessniitza, whyaretheycalledpancakes and Anon sent in cascades.* by orange_crushed (complete | 152,138 | M) *graphic violence

Anon 4 said:

Hi! Sorry this is a bit vague but i was looking for this fic about bucky's recovery where steve does a painting of bucky that becomes famous (there was a lot about how the painting evoked a sense of distance between the viewer and the subject and i think rothko was mentioned?) and later on he does another painting of bucky that shows how far they've come and how they're in a better place now? Thank you!! :)

amazonrhinos sent in Casual Encounters by MoreThanSlightly (cadignan) (complete | 66,593 | E)

Anon 5 said:

Hi! I've been going crazy looking for a fic and thought I'd try my luck here. I remember it was a journal/book written by one of the howling commandos, showing Steve and Bucky from an outsiders pov in the war. Bucky was kept out of history, he was never referred to by name and in the fic the nazis had a nickname for him that had something to do with skull, and parts of bucky's character was the 'bear jew' from inglorious bastards.

Anon sent in Jacob (I Have Loved) by Lasgalendil (restricted, WIP | 109,472| M) *graphic violence, rape/noncon, major character death

whyaretheycalledpancakes sent in The Night War: 60th Anniversary Edition* by praximeter (Zimario) (complete | 109,105 | T ) */others or Brothers by bloodbuzzedohio (complete | 49,821 | E)

Anon 6 said:

Hi, ages ago I read a fic that was Steve and Bucky pre-war, it was basically a PWP where Bucky and Steve would have sex, but the whole tone was kinda: Bucky isn't looking Steve in the eyes, so he can pretend he's a dame, lots of denial, etc., but at the end, Bucky is being all gentle to Steve and says something like "I don't want to pretend you're a dame anymore" to Steve. I searched so much for that fic, so i was hoping that maybe someone could help? :)

Anon 7 said:

I was reading this very long post WWII AU fic, but didn’t bookmark it. Can you help me find it? Steve fought WWII, but in Pacific. Arnie died in Guadalcanal. Peggy was nurse. Steve got blue ticked. Bucky is sixteenish twink and met S in gay bar. S has storage chest and B finds sketchbooks there. S+B move together to 2 bedroom apartment. S feels guilty for making B live in shadows as a gay man. 

herkharvey, princessniitza and allegra-dreams sent in Civilian* by alby_mangroves, CoraRochester (complete | 71,880 | E) *underage

trash-bih said:

Hi... I’m looking for a fic where Steve and Bucky are in Paris during/after the war and it starts off with them at like a party. Steve and Bucky are talking to different women. The woman talking to Steve knew he is in love with Bucky and pulls him off to the side to speak with him. She introduces Steve to her girlfriend. The women, Steve, and Bucky then leave for a hotel. At the hotel, Steve blindfolds Bucky but inadvertently triggers Bucky’s PTSD from his captivity/experimentation at Azzano.

Anon 8 said:

i've sent this ask before, but i think it got lost among the others. i'm looking for an abo fic, where bucky is an alpha and steve is an omega. it's in the 1940s. bucky goes to war and comes back from it alive. steve doesn't get the serum, so it's a pre-serum one. they have bunch of kids, i think it was around 7-8 (might be even more). they move somewhere else and bucky starts working as a mechanic with the romanoffs. thank you!!!

currently-recharging sent in Like Rahab* by moonythejedi394 (complete | 131,789| E) *rape/noncon

Anon 9 said:

Thanks for this blog! I'm looking for a fit that's an AU where they are both agents and Bucky gets kidnapped and Steve finds him by listening to background noise recording. Also he helps buck recover. Thanks again!

scriggle-scraggle sent in When the Sun Sets on Dark Silhouettes by caughtinanocean (oneshot | 8,283 | T)

Anon 10 said:

can you help me find this fic?? basically bucky goes to steve's house in the middle of the night and talks about how he was fucked by someone else at a party but he wasn't as good, so he has steve fuck him instead, but then they become boyfriends, and i remember that bucky had this like 'sweet space' where he basically drops really hard. thank you so much!!

theheartofmaria sent in No One Else by howdoyousleep (complete | 12,577 | E)

Anon 11 said:

hi im really desperate to find this fic im wondering if you could help me? basically its post tws and buckys running from steve and sam, but he goes to the museum’s exhibit on him and steals a boys phone in the bathroom to research himself more before returning the phone. steve catches up to him but bucky knocks him out to escape before eventually going to the tower with him and in the end he dyes his hair blue. does this ring any bells? thank uuuuu

Anon 12 said:

I'm looking for this fic where Steve&Bucky were fucking, but Bucky always had his mask on and refused to tell Steve his name. Steve got sick or smthn and Bucky came to visit him in the hospital and they fucked and I think Steve begged either for Bucky's name or for him to take off the mask? I think Bucky was a temporary avenger bc someone was sick maybe?? So they fuck for the last time bc Bucky's contract is up and so he tells Steve who he really is. Can anyone help me? Thanks!

allegra-dreams and Anon sent in a blade with no handle by ftmsteverogers (oneshot | 13,351 | E)

amazonrhinos sent in Happy Accidents by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves) (restricted, complete | 29,777 | E)

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[baddyxangel]

 I love The Darkling and think that he and Alina should be together. Baghra claims that he was just using her but I'm not convinced. So what do you think, does he have feelings for her or not?

I don't think he loves her... but I agree with Harmony that he's addicted to power and wants to have power over her. But then I ask myself, why her specifically? Is he attracted to her in some distorted, villainous way? But then why does he ignore her so often? And then I just don't know what to think anymore D=

I think that the evidence in the book shows that he does really like her, i believe that they belong together because of the darkness in his heart can be changed with her light. I think he's afraid of becoming weak as he said, so he ignored her. "the problem with wanting is that it makes us weak" During the book he always clenched his hands whenever Alina even mentioned Mal. 

I think you have to look at Leigh as a writer, and the fact that she loves complex villains and has even said on Twitter that the Darkling isn't evil. I've also read enough books to recognize types of characters. The Darkling is waaaay more complex than "I'm going to use this girl, I'm evil, I'm going to take over the world mwahaha." There's no doubt the Darkling's initial intentions were to use Alina. How many characters meet under bad intentions? lol A LOT. That doesn't mean those feelings don't change though; that's why there's character and relationship development. :P I think it's very telling that Leigh hasn't written in Darkling's POV and doesn't plan on it until AFTER Ruin and Rising. She doesn't want us to know what's in his head, which means what Alina thinks and her assumptions about him are probably false. I don't know if I'd say he loves her but he certainly isn't "only" using her.

Guy this post contains some spoilers. But it says why I think The Darkling likes Alina Guys The Darkling likes Alina! In 2cnd book (Kind of a spoiler but not really) There is a part on page 26 it says this: "Drink." More broth. I don't fight it now. I don't want to choke again. I fall back, let my lids drop, drifting away, too weak to struggle. A hand on my cheek. "Mal," I manage to croak. The hand is withdrawn. Nothingness (Credit to Leigh Bardugo) Anyways think; who's hand can that be? Mal's? Pshhh.... The Darkling would have control of the fjerdans and shu hans before mal would get to do that plus Mal would say something like: "Alina....." Or something else, or he might have been dragged away screaming and he wouldn't be able to with draw his hand the guards would drag him away. Sturmhound's? No he would wake her up and wouldn't make her to drink the broth. Ivan? Um..... no just no..... he wouldn't touch her like that. Only one who is left? If you guessed the darkling you guessed correctly! He would do something like that because he <3 her and how is he going to seduce her while she is half unconscious? So its not just seducing her people! Also the hand is withdrawn because she says "Mal," The Darkling would have felt burned and would have just withdrawn his hand! Also if you read the rest of siege and storm there will be other facts.... But sometimes he may seem to dislike her...... maybe that because he felt burned? Like seriously in first book he was cold because he just saw Mal and Alina kiss and have a very long and all 'bout love conversation of course he would be cold! then in 2cnd book she ran away from him with mal and he thought they were like doing couple stuff and stuff so when they entered the fold of course he would be cold! but then he ends up softening ^.^ SO he likes her people! Btw sorry if I spoiled anything for any1. Oh and btw I think this is what happened (In The Darklings view): 1.)She is kind of cute..... 2.)Well she is new to this and funny..... 3.) Hell with it im using her for all the grisha and for controlling the world but I like her! 4.) I will make my move on her! *KISS* 5.) She looked kind of seduced after that.... oh and Ivan saw that... oh boy I told him seducing here was the plan.... but I actually kind of like her.... *RUNS HAND THROUGH HAIR* 6.) Ik! This can come to my advantage! It will make controlling her easier but I also like her..... this is getting interesting 7.) *MAKES ANOTHER MOVE* Ivan, tell the fabrikators to make Alina's winter ball kefta black. 8.) *MAKES ANOTHER MOVE* Here come with me. After, can I come to your place? 9.) Uh wth am I doing? 10.) Oh boy she ran away from me.... My mom had something to do with it great, anyways I have to catch the stag in anyways+ I have a feeling she is going north after the stag because obviously that tracker is with her 11.) *JUST WITNESSES KISSING SCENE AND ULTRA LONG LOVE CONVERSATION* *GNAWS ON LIP TRYING NOT TO LOSE HIS CALM AND KILL THE TRACKER WITH HIS KNIFE AND TOO NOT SHOW HE HAS FEELINGS FOR ALINA TO EVERYONE ELSE THEN STAG COMES OUT OF BUSHES AND TREES. I SEE MAL SAYS ALINA LOOK, ALINA HESITATES KILLING THE STAG. SEES A CHANCE! COMES OUT OF HIDING AFTER SHOOTING THE STAG* Oh wow that was a wonderful and touching scene we witnessed alina....... but you know you should have listened to him; you should have killed the stag 12.) Oh boy I just enslaved Alina. Now I control her. Her heart will be mine if I kill the tracker on the fold tommorow. 13.)IVAN! CALL ALINA HERE! 14.) *ALINA COMES* You betrayed me........ *ALINA ASKS HIM TO BE MERCIFUL TO MAL* Merci? I can be merciful Alina. *GIVES THEM THE NIGHT* *ALINA JUMPS ON HIM SCREAMING AND SCRATCHING* *ALINA IS TAKEN AWAY* 15.) Tears come to his face but he doesn't let them spill the tears turn from sadness into anger...... 16.) *SEES ALINA RUN AWAY WITH MAL AND GAINS POWER* *STILL LOVES HER DEEP IN HIS HEART* 

I think the Darkling's love has to do with his personality. He may not be capable of love in the ordinary way, but he definitely intends on being with Alina one way or another. However its a bit twisted because really the romance is just a side benefit to the power he gets from her. Maybe in a way, she sees through him and into the good, which is why he likes her. She reminds him that evil, while a efficient way to accomplish things, isnt always what he should be doing...

I'm not quite sure about this. On one hand, he is obsessed with power and is only attracted to Alina because she "completes" him in a twisted way. On the other hand, a lot of his facial expressions and actions in the book seem to contradict his ulterior motives. My theory: he's respected and feared, so no one actually treats him like a person. Alina does. He of course wants Alina for himself so that he can use her power, but he's also developing deeper feelings for her, and the thought of falling for her is terrifying and confusing. That's why he reverts so quickly to a villain once Alina runs off and he catches her with Mal. I think he would have been somewhat more merciful had he not caught them together, but he's jealous (both out of pride and real hurt) and doesn't want her to think him weak.

I think a lot of people think the Darkling has to either A) want Alina ONLY for power or B) love/like her. When in reality, he can be both. He can want Alina for power AND develop feelings for her. Many characters seek another out for their own reasons (to use their power or whatever), only to end up falling for them genuinely. Happens all the time in books and movies. :P I'm not saying the Darkling doesn't want Alina for power, but he can want her for that AND for other reasons too.

I honestly think he wants to use Alina and ended up with a bit of a hate-crush/boner for Alina along the way. I'm not waxing romantic, but he definitely has a soft spot for her if he fell for the "my power is your power" bit.

It's no wonder the Darkling was so pissed when he was kissing her. He's torn. On one hand, he's lonely and I think he's jealous of Mal (or maybe he's jealous that Alina feels for Mal what he wants her to feel for him), but at the same time, he doesn't want to want her more than his own ambitions. He wants her but doesn't want to, maybe. I'd LOVE for Alina to end up on the throne with the Darkling at her side. The potential for this ending is epic.

It'd be a ruthless ending, not necessarily a happy one. honestly I have no idea where this is going to end. A very dark part of me at least wants her to fuck the darkling, because in no way are those feelings over. It's there. It's so there.

Hahahaha. It needs to happen, regardless of the ending. No doubt there will at least be an intense make out session. (Leigh said one of her favorite scenes is when the Darkling reveals his name, so I'm sure that scene is a deep one.)

I think he loves her as much as he's capable of, which could be a very limited way... You know, on account of all the evil. It's clear that he wants her badly and also that her mere existence has made him realize how lonely he feels. We're gradually seeing evidence of how his interest for Alina has evolved. In Shadow and Bone we see more than anything, the practical and physical aspects, namely world domination on the one hand and barely-able-to-control desire, on the other. In Storm and Siege, he's starting to know her and he wants her to relate to him, to realize how much they have in common. However, what really got to me is that he, in his creepy way, was there for her when she was lonely. Was this all innocent? No, we know there are so many ulterior motives for his apparition trick: undermining her, isolating her even more (from Mal especially), making out, etc But the fact remains that he would just be there because he wanted her company, as much as she wanted his. After all, it was her calling to him without knowing it. (Let's face it, by the time Alina gave up on changing anything in his bedroom -on day one-, we all knew she was just missing him badly, even if she didn't know it herself.) On the one hand, I think Alina's quest will change her completely, to the point where she will probably not be entirely human in the end. On the other hand, perhaps they'll be together just to keep one another in check, to keep the balance of whatever forces are at work, and because they literally compliment each other, being light and shadow. It can only be an eternity of fun... mostly.

You perfectly summed up my thoughts on all of this. I like the Darkling. A lot. He's sexy. And fun to pretend to be queen with. So the indulgent part of me ships him with Alina. 

I have my opinion both ways. The relationship between them is complicated. I think that the darkling kinda liked Alina. For her power and real love. But as Alina reveals his secrets in shadow and bone, you really start doubting if the darkling still has a thing for her. It's really complicated. The darkling is a sick and messed up person. It's funny how he keeps popping out of nowhere in the shadows surprising you. When Alina and Mal were on the run and popped out, they felt so startled. I think he was jealous of Mal. He probably would've gotten closer to Alina if Mal wasn't an obstacle. It's jealousy and he knows it. It's written all over his face. Dark and kinda evil.

I think he wanted her, but had no real emotion for her. He needed her power, so he was infatuated with her. I hope he ends up really loving her at some point though because I have the biggest obsession with The Darkling. I am so attracted to him, so I really hope he ends up doing some good and turning himself around

I think the real question is: why would the Darkling love Alina? (I don't say that to be mean, either. Just analyzing her character as a person.) I think the Darkling is drawn to the idea of another person being like him, as he's a very lonely and isolated creature. He longs for an equal or mate, so to say. Maybe he's loved in the past, but he outlives almost everyone so maybe he decided there was no point. (Until he found an equal) Regarding her personality, I think the Darkling's interest in her stems from how she surprises him, which doesn't happen often. She spits out whatever is on her mind, she catches him off guard, she thwarts him, etc. R&R just needs to hurry up so Leigh can talk about his character. She's pretty tight lipped, not wanting to give away the Darkling's true intentions. (Which to me is a big red flag that he isn't as evil as people seem to think)

I believe he loves her but has yet to reach a point where he can truly believe it himself. I'm fairly sure that he is right when he claims that he admires her power and that he never feared her. And that admiration had something more coming after. I do hope they end I end up together. He might be evil but he has reasons and he never acted as a whiny boyfriend as Mal did(well he did enslave Alina after seeing that kiss scene but anyway....)  I guess my favorite scene between the Darkling and Alina is at the end,the night before going back to the Fold. He calls her to his tent and I'm not sure why. He says she must have a lot to say and when she refuses to talk, he threatens her. As their conversation unfolds, it looks like he just wanted to have an argument with her... the "why-did-you-run-off-with-him" argument. In that moment, he behaves like someone in a relationship and I liked him. I don't know if that counts as whiny but it was a vulnerable side of him that we don't get to see often. To me that is the one scene where he reveals the most emotion: jealousy, longing and also pain... the desire to stop feeling whatever it is he's feeling for her. I wonder if he was drunk... 

In siege and storm though he does showing that he likes her. At the end however, in the chapel Alina nearly killed herself and the darkling when she grabbed hold of his power. And in siege and storm it shows that the darkling is jealous. He does also have feelings for her because in siege and storm why would he keep visiting her. When Alina asked him why won't you leave me alone, he said then I would be alone.

I honestly don't know how to answer this question because I still don't know what I believe lol I think we've seen glimpses here and there that he might have feelings for her but he usually comes across as so power hungry and ruthless that it really doesn't seem like he cares about anything but himself and his ambitions. I think part of him is enamored with her because she is the only other being in his entire life that is even remotely similar to him. And he hates that he feels that way, just like in Shadow and Bone when she felt anger when kissing him. He thinks it makes him weak. He said in Siege and Storm that he's lonely, maybe he seeks some sort of comfort in her? Maybe, maybe not. I think there can be valid arguments made for both sides but ultimately I think that it doesn't really matter if he loves her or not, because he will never love her more than he loves his own aspirations and goals. In other words, she will never be his number one priority. It depresses me really, because I love the Darkling. He is such a magnetic character and in some dark, twisted way I think they complete each other. I can't wait to see what happens in Ruin and Rising. I just hope he doesn't die :P

I totally ship Darklina/Alarkling. I do not think that he loves her or that she loves him. They do seem, to me, to be very attracted to each other. Sometimes I wonder if something bigger is going on because the Darkling and the Sun summoner seem to be sort of like Yin and Yang; they seem to complete each other and are two halves of a whole as well as wield power over one another.

I don't think it's love, but I feel like they're two halves of the whole, and because of that, they have an unbreakable bond. I totally agree with you. Find me weird but I think the Darkling and Alina are the perfect match for each other.

The Darkling is such a complex character that you really can't reduce his feelings about Alina to love vs. hate. Kind of like when she realizes that he wants her, but hates himself for wanting her, during their heated make-out session after the Winter Ball. Clearly, he needs her, but not just as a way of augmenting his powers. He needs her on a personal, intimate level, as the one being in the world who can truly, intimately, share his burdens, understand why his life is "rich in grief" and be a true partner to him. Alina's feelings for him are also tangled, and hardly straightforward. These are great books, and the Darkling is a fantastic character.

Just to clarify my comment above, I think the Darkling loves Alina, because she's the only one who can truly "get" him, with her potential to be as eternal as he is, with all that entails. But it's a love as complex as he is, not hearts-and-flowers, happy-ever-after like she could have with Mal, or even the kind of marriage-of-convenience-with-genuine-affection-that-could-ripen-into-love she could have with Nickolai. It;s complex, and twisted and dark, but it is love, not just obsession. Which is one of many reasons I freakin' adore these books.

Leigh mentioned that he did have strong feelings for her so i think he loves her, but i kind of have to agree with the obsession part, it seems he had his heart set on her being his consort from the whole "you were meant to be my balance" thing. Do any of you suppose he gave the whole "let's be just friends" thing consideration? And i do believe that Alina still had some, not a lot, of feeling left behind for him since he did understand her, when not many did.

I think he's more obsessed than in love with Alina. He's been alone for so long that the only other person who understands his eternity is his mother. So when Alina enters the story, he's a person who could be like him: live forever and make eternity less loney. Plus, she's meant to balance him out--the whole light and darkness thing. And she's the only one who could ever become his equal, albeit only if she has the amplifiers. I think this chance at a future not alone makes him possessive over Alina and we see this at the end of Shadow and Bone and a little bit in Siege and Storm. I don't think it's love, just an obsession with power mixed with desperation to not be alone and possessiveness to protect that.

Alright, after careful consideration and with the series fresh in my mind I have reached a conclusion. The Darkling loves Alina, is in love with the idea of being with her, but is not IN LOVE with her. The Darkling has existed for many centuries, life dull and boring, and has no one to love him, not even his mother. He is terrified of that, of the thought of being alone forever. Finally, he finds Alina, and his affections grew from the mere idea of using her for his own gain. He learns to want her, to crave her attention. At first this is successful and he realizes that once he controls Ravka, he will never have to be alone again. All of this comes crashing down once she leaves and returns to Mal, and the thought of her being with someone else, of being less than she is, and more importantly being alone again, angers him to the brink of breaking. This was a personal betrayal, and the Darkling spent the remainder of the series desperately trying to attain power and love from Alina, wanting nothing more, save the throne, than to have her as his own. When Alina loses her powers, he is so mournful, so distraught that he will forever be alone, leading his rampage. He believed that if Mal were dead, she would be his at last, no more fighting or obstacles stopping him. Yet he is condemned, and that is why he needed to be killed. He would've kept her alive, but only to suffer for his loss. When he is dying, I think that was the most happiness he has ever felt, that the one he loves, as much as he could love her, is there to mourn him. She is there to say his name and give him the hope that he was loved by her. The Darkling is an exceptionally written character and he loved Alina, not truly, but as much as he was possible.

If the Darkling was only using Alina for power, then he would have been completely done with her when she lost her powers, but the fact that he asked Alina to say his real name again when he was dying (which she also did when they were alone) proves he had some romantic feelings.

I just love the darkling so so much. I also think that no character can ever be completely evil. Because of his power of darkness he believes that he is a bad person and that his powers being dark must be used for evil intentions. When Alina comes along she shows him light, and begins to believe that he is not evil. Alina could've fixed the darkling who feels alone in his power and destined to be evil because of it. There relationship is so complex and interesting and I do think he loves her but this power almost forces his feelings in the opposite direction.

I see it as a way of the Darkling wanting to claim Alina for himself. As he had stated, he knew no one would understand Alina but him since they are alike in many ways. The Darkling probably didn't want to feel the isolation he had to experience for years until he finally met Alina which made him realize that he wouldn't have to face his own difficulties alone but with someone else alongside him.

I believe that he does, or at least feels akin to her, after all she is very similar to him: the dark pulls at the light and the light chases it away. I feel that he is drawn to her because they are so similar in nature. He was a child that was coveted, grew up alone (from what we know) and had made a very big name for himself, he is also one of a kind. We also have to consider that this is a man who has lived for a great many number of years alone, where the only person who has lived longer than him is his own mother, any chance at a relationship would end up with him outliving them. Where as if we look at Alina, a girl who is young, never really gotten the chance to live or love. She is almost to the point where her lack of powers, or lack of knowledge of them has left her dull and withered, but when she discovers them the world starts changing around her. She is put in the same position as Alexander was. Make a name for yourself or be a freak that could end up being hunted or worse. They're alienated and alienate together, and drawn to each other over that fact because no one else in the world can possibly understand what they have gone through, the choices they've made, and the sacrifices they've endured. If the Darkling doesn't love her, then he's certainly attached to her in that he knows that at the end of the day she is the only one that shares that experience. It's hard not to feel akin to that, or at least drawn towards it, and it's even harder to accept it as a loss.

I think at the beginning he loves Alina's power and the idea that finally, he is not alone. In the book, the power of the Darkling and Baghra is unique, even believed to be an abomination. Then here comes Alina, another Grisha with a power that only she has and as strong as the Darkling's power. The Darkling is somehow in love with the idea that he is not alone and thought that Alina was made for her. He strongly believes that Alina is his complement -- that he is the Yin and Alina is the Yang. It was because of that thinking that he was attracted to Alina. Then, as he get to know her more, I think he fell for her to the point that he is obsessed with her. In book 1, the Darkling displayed jealousy towards Mal (Alina kept on asking about Mal when they were in a coach going somewhere). In the last book, the Darkling did something that convinced me he loves Alina. He also ask Alina not to let him be alone. So there.

I don't think he quite loves her the way people would usually think of love. He's an incredibly lonely person and it seems that he has nothing else to do other than world domination, so I doubt he would even realize that he liked Alina. And I don't think he really does, because most of the attraction probably comes from seeing her as very similar to himself because she would probably outlive everyone else and he sees her as being lonely in perhaps a century. But in a twisted way, maybe he does love Alina. But I guess even if he does, he does not know how to express it. Most of the time, he comes off as a little creepy, and somewhat malicious. He blinded his own mother, for god's sake. If anything, I doubt he really has much capability for loving and I think being alone has numbed him somewhat from hurt or any emotion. Maybe at the start he only intended to use her, but I think it developed into an obsession, as many others have pointed out, and maybe it's love, but he doesn't know how to express it.

I definitely agree with Illyria, the Darkling was obsessed with the sun summoner (not Alina) and how perfect they would be together as polar opposites. Even so, he may have have had some very fragile real feelings for Alina. During his death scene, although he at first looks at her in disgust for losing her power, "you're nothing now." He also says her name and wipes tears from her cheek so....

I am fascinated with the Darkling character and hope there will be a series dedicated to his earlier life and how that shaped who he became and his mindset - complete with relationships. I read the Darkling prequel and that was a great little start but I'd like more - maybe even going back to how his mom grew up and how she survived without a mother and father and how that affected her and her son. How did he and Mal become amplifier? And why and when did the Darkling change from a relatively sweet and innocent kid with a protective mom to the person capable of such evil? I can't help but feel sorry for the Darkling and found myself rooting for a turnaround and happy ending for him. For some strange reason, I even found myself pulling for he and Arlina to get together. I think he was born a good person and had good intentions, but over 1,000 years (or however long it was), he became corrupted and twisted by his growing power and magic that was beyond his control and transgressions from others that he couldn't resolve or forgive. I like to think that he still had a little good left in him, and he partly was drawn to Arlina (whether conscious of it or not) for the the good and "balance" she could bring. He even referenced this "balance he needed" when talking with her once. I also think he was attracted to her through some higher power that he didn't necessarily understand nor like to start with but couldn't resist, although she turned on him time after time. He cared what she thought of him and it was clear that he was a lonely person and wanted an equal and companion. I think in the end he was almost as much dismayed with the loss of this eternal companion he saw as an equal as he was with the loss of power, but maybe that's just my "always rooting for the underdog" and giving someone "second chances" personality. I thought the writing and creativity and story plot were superb. I love a good love triangle too and we had a quadrangle in this one. Actually, I don't think the Prince felt for Arlina to the extent as did Mal and the Darkling. Mal loved her personality and goodness and the Darkling had a raw , powerful connection with her with the promise of an eternal companion. I thought the touch of the Darkling sharing his name with Arlina was so impactful and enlightening. You get the sense no one ever really knew or understood him, and that was what he might have craved more than anything else although he might not have realized this fully himself. While he didn't get the turnaround I was hoping for, I was at least glad to see he got a few tears from Arlina before he left this world.

"He loves her in a dark way. It’s just the kind of character he is." agreed and well said!

I do really think that in his own twisted way he really cares for her and loves her , maybe not somuch as a person but definitly the idea of her. I think he doesn't realy know what love is and how to care in the right way and thats why he acts to cruel but underneath it all he is just a lost boy and i do think he loves Alina because she is light.

I'm pretty confident that he actually likes Alina and there seem to be facts almost hidden by the book to support that. Sure he did try and control her but he didn't have to like her to do that. The darkling is a really complex villian here and do remember that he was actually raised by Baghra while she was still angry about Morozova. I think in the beginning in a kind of twisted way he wanted to help Ravka but while time passed he got to be obsessed with power.

"Some part of the Darkling that is still good is drawn to Alina, as a moth to a flame. But ultimately, they cannot be true partners without destroying the other." really like what you said, beautifully written. I would argue that he did like her in his own way, but he had to be cruel because of his plans for Ravka and the liberation/protection of Grisha. His ultimatum was much stronger and ancient than his developing feelings for Alina, and he has a complex psychology.

I think it's a mix of her/her power and neither of them are exactly able to figure it out. In the end, he let himself love her to a degree, I suppose, because he figured he was safe in the sense that she wouldn't die and leave him alone. In my opinion, he saw it fit to allow himself some sort of emotion because he didn't think he was gonna lose it, but R&R happened.