#a week ago something happened and i isolated myself from them

[phoolsified-chaos]

hey, everything good ?

nah

[rizsu]

food for thought, except it’s unwanted jujutsu kaisen : fem-reader.

have you ever wondered about a scenario so much that you must ask? well that’s exactly the last thing they’d wish to answer.

+ love ‘su: gojo, geto, itadori + ‘live, laugh, love’ hater final boss ( sukuna )

gojo satoru ﾉ refuses to answer.

“do you ever think about how it’d be if we never met?”

“ha— no. don’t even go there.”

satoru stops you there. he doesn’t wish to hear another word from you— especially if it extends your former question. he thinks about it— daily, in fact. it's a scenario that crosses his mind whenever he finds himself drunk on the temporary love he receives from you.

you’ve sung the lyric ‘i’ll love you until there’s no more left’ almost every week for him, silently begging that he gets the concept of genuine love through his head.

“why not? imagine if my friends didn’t make that bet where i either hit on you or pay for the night.” you reminisced, remembering the very night you lost the last touch of shame.

he hums, drumming his fingers on your thigh.

“bet or not, we’d still be fated to meet. next question!”

“anddd what makes you so confident?” you threw another question at him. this time, it's lighthearted.

“mind you, i’m the second coming of an angel. i predetermined this since three years ago.”

glances were exchanged, an expression of a grinning fool met the expression of a glaring responsible person who’s the said fool’s other romantic half.

you should've been familiar with satoru’s ways. it’s your fault for expecting a deep-dive conversation with satoru. not quite his cup of tea!

geto suguru ﾉ expects it and tries to escape.

suguru's home was no new, unexplored area to you. you knew his home's blueprint like the back of your hand. if needed, you'd walk through his home blindfolded and still end up in the room you want to be in.

this isn't a good thing to suguru. there are days where the feeling of confusion as to who he is piles up on him, leading him to isolate himself.. until he forgets there's a spare key of his isolation cube in your hold so now the plan goes awry.

that is exactly what’s happening. after he sent the text ‘k bye’ and silenced his notifications, he felt an impending doom. the reason was unknown by then but he should've guessed it was you.

you marched into his home, readying yourself with suguru-loneliness-begone techniques and, of course, the question that's been wandering your mind since you woke up from a dream.

“babe, what if—”

“fuck,” he curses under his breath, too exhausted to put a hand over your mouth.

“what if we were the last persons on earth? would you recreate humanity with me or kill yourself?”

there it is: your special ‘what if’ questions that know no bounds when it comes to absurdity.

“when would that ever happen? please, stop this,” he groans, pleading with his eyes for you to stop.

“that's the thing— you never know! so, what option is it?”

“i'd kill myself a long time ago if possible.”

“so it's the second one?”

“i'm... not cut out to be a good father.”

“i hate an indecisive bitch, my goodness,” it's your turn to complain, a little let down at his grey answers.

suguru's equally offended. you're the one who jumped him with such a question— who even thinks about that?!

“(y/n), baby, has it ever crossed your mind that your thinking skills aren't quite normal?”

“are you calling me stupid?!”

itadori yuuji ﾉ just as stupid.

it's mango season— yuuji's most anticipated season of the year. mangoes are to yuuji what your lipbalm is to you. a necessity, a survival item, a lifesaver, an important part of his lore, something he worships.

peeling mangoes and slicing them to equal pieces has never brought him such satisfaction before. it immediately brightens his mood. this must be how his grandfather felt whenever he took a walk around the neighbourhood.

now you appear, yuuji's second most anticipated person. you to yuuji is what mangoes are to him. this causes yuuji's current happiness level to reach its peak today. such a great level of happiness can defeat any evil being with just being in its area.

“say, yuu,” you begin, stabbing one of the mangoe slices with a fork.

he nods, signalling that he's listening but still focused on his current activity. a true mulit-tasker.

“if one of your limbs happen to detach from your body, do you feel the pain or does the pain go with it?”

he stops, allowing the question to sink in. he's never been asked such a.. divine question before. what's the answer? does the pain go with the limb or does it stay?

“oh... i gotta ask nobara this, she'd know,” he suggests, placing the knife down. a question that'll haunt him if he doesn't act quick for the answer.

“yes, yes!!” you encourage his actions, mindlessly enjoying the mango slices. mangoes are truly a blessing.

sukuna ryomen ﾉ no. nice try, though! A+ for effort.

“ryo, have you ever wondered if—”

“no, i never.”

“you didn't even let—”

“i haven't learnt since two-thousand years ago.”

“you old fuck, let me finish—”

“it's truly been a while since i've wondered.”

“DAMN, BITCH!”

you threw the remote at him, ultimately fed up with him cutting you off before the peak of the sentence. it could've been the question of the year and he'd still dodge it.

sukuna invited himself over since he ran out of entertainment options and you're always there for him. unfortunately, you do not find him as entertainin. he's annoying, arrogant, and attractive so it cancels out the negatives about him.

of course, sukuna caught the remote. his athletic capabilities are its prime despite him being dormant for centuries. it'd be a white lie to say he's not interested in your question, however it is way more benefitting to push your buttons.

he throws the remote back onto your bed, drying his hands with your hand-towel before making his merry way to you.

“your bed's small.”

“well no shit. it's for ME.”

“you mad? you look mad.” his hand holds your chin, turning your head side-to-side to observe your expression.

you rolled your eyes, “i don't get mad that easily.”

“is this how people felt when i told them an obvious lie? i should repent.”

[snifferish]

Never in my life did I think that re-tweeting resources for SA, and supporting victims would be considered problematic or performative.

I should not have to bare this, but I'm going to tell just one of my stories, because I need you to understand where I'm coming from. TW // Sexual Harassment

--

When I was 15, I had my wisdom teeth removed. I wanted to avoid using the pain medication they prescribed. I struggle a lot with sensory issues, medications and substances made it worse.

However, my surgery was for impacted teeth, and only two days in one of my stitches fell out. I was in so much pain, and couldn't eat solids w/ out pain for up to three weeks.

So, a week into my recovery, one of my friends invites me to their house. They were having our friend group over, it was just a little bonfire get together kinda thing. I took my pain meds a few hours prior, and only half a dose, but I was out of it to some degree, and somehow still in pain.

I was sitting on a lawn chair outside, when one of my close friends came over and asked to sit on my lap. Honestly, I said yes at first, because this was my childhood friend, someone I trusted, and I thought our relationship was incredibly platonic. Then he started to shift/grind about in my lap, and I started to feel things of theirs I did not want to. They made a noise that deeply unsettled me, and I told him to get off, they didn't. It was only when I told them that he accidently triggered the emergency call shortcut on my phone (it was in the pocket of the lawn chair, yes they were moving that much and I was moving trying to push him off) that he finally got up.

I was bewildered, and a bit confused, and also embarrassed that my phone nearly called 911. I claimed I wasn't feeling well, and went home early.

That was the first time someone touched me in a remotely sexual way, but I didn't dare to label it until I talked to my therapist. It made me dwell on a lot of experiences with this person as well. How obsessed they were with being taller than me, how often they'd grab me and force me to see if they were stronger than me. At the time, I was in a friend group of predominately non-men, and they were all friends with this person.

However, when I told them about this, when I expressed the discomfort it brought me. I was brushed off. "He's just like that!" oh "He probably didn't mean it" etc.

I didn't feel comfortable in the same room as this person. My friends would continue to invite them to hang outs. One of my other friends told everyone about what happened without my permission. I started having breakdowns in my classes with him. I had panic attacks all the time. I felt as if I had to continue this façade of being nice to him, or else I would lose my friends of years and years.

I was happy when covid started, because for the first time I had breathing room, but by then so much of my trust was dismantled.

Due to my friends association with this person, and the fact that not being their friend excluded me. I eventually got over it, and told myself I'd grown past it.

Three months ago, this same person admitted to me they hold extreme grudges against me, that they projected their "mommy issues" on to me, and quite literally said the words, "Yeah yeah, you're a woman who's outspoken and challenged me and that bothers me yeah yeah." in regards to that. They said it with sarcasm, like it was something they knew, and their mother was reminding them for the 12th time.

--

I bring this all up, not to make you feel guilty, but to discuss the harm of not supporting victims, not listening to them. It puts them in a position of isolation, and in a position to potentially be hurt again.

So yeah, I'm gonna be a little upset when people say I'm being "performative" about supporting victims of sexual harassment and SA. I'm not doing this because it benefits me, in fact it's caused a lot of backlash, horrible dms, and very triggering memories.

I'm doing it because I was once not heard, and i've sat with Caiti behind the scenes for months watching her lose passion for something she loved (content creation).

I didn't do this because I'm secretly sniveling behind the scenes tapping my fingers praying on peoples downfall. I'm not a Disney villain dude lmfao.

Honestly, this narrative that is being pushed, that people are doing it "because it benefits them" is quite ironic, considering most of the people talked about within the last 72 hours were under Wilbur's weird ass apology doing just that.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate how people are okay with this narrative, the misogynist undertones of it. I've seen people admit that they didn't like me or my friends the entire time, while simultaneously "calling us out" about this, so I ask you,

Are you calling us? Because it benefits your motives? Your feelings?

[stargirllanaa]

୨⎯ "Bad Liar" - R.C

❥ Masterlist

Warnings: NONCON smut, Dark!Rafe, Toxic relationship, abusive relationship, Domestic violence, mentions of drinking, rafes pretty bad as usual

Summary: You snuck out to hang with the pogue’s… bad idea. Idea is from a comment on this post.

A/n ✎: OMG thank you for 200 followers!! I started writing Rafe like 3 weeks ago but the overwhelming support has been so motivating <333 love you all sm! Please reblog and comment if you enjoyed!!! Btw my request are open again, don’t be shy ;)

Wc: 2.1k

18+ MINORS DNI YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

You quietly entered your house, locking the door behind you. It was 2 am, and you had just driven home from the other side of the island because you had to sneak around to hang out with your friends. Your boyfriend Rafe didn't like your choice of friends, often calling them ‘dirty pogues’ and claiming that they were all ‘trying to turn you against him,’ and that pissed you off.

Just because Rafe had a problem with Pogues didn't mean you had to, and frankly, his reasoning for hating them so much was stupid; because of his issue with them, you were frequently isolated. Still, you wouldn't let Rafe stop you from having a social life outside of him, so you would sometimes sneak out late at night, go to the cut, visit your friends, and return home like nothing had happened.

You did feel guilty about going behind Rafe's back, but what could you do? You weren't going to cut all your friends off because Rafe told you to. It wasn't like you were cheating.

You made sure to cover all of your tracks. Knowing Rafe had your location, you left your phone at home every time you snuck out. You always left at night so you could text Rafe ‘goodnight,’ and he wouldn't suspect anything from you not responding, and you would always make it back in three hours at the most just to be careful. You knew if Rafe found out about you sneaking around, he would be furious; you had been disobeying his wishes for months and lying to his face.

As you crept up your stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible, you couldn't help but smile; even though you hated to admit it, you and Rafe never had fun. I mean, you two had ‘fun’ in his way, like going golfing, parties, ‘Rafe stuff,’ but you two would never do anything you wanted to do, and with The Pogues, it was the opposite; you got to get messy, get drunk on the beach even do girly things like braid Sarah's hair or have Kie paint your nails, things that you could never do with rafe. It was a relief to do something you enjoyed.

You opened the door to your bedroom, which was pitch black; you had turned all your lights out before you left; you felt around on the wall for the light switch, flipping it upwards. The lights momentarily blinded you, but you jumped when you saw the manlike figure on your bed. When your eyes finally focused, it was worse than what you expected.

Rafe was sitting on your bed, staring directly at you; his face was unreadable and emotionless, which was terrifying. Your boyfriend was usually expressive, the type to lash out when angry; you had never seen him this calm, and you certainly didn't expect him to be calm after catching you going behind his back.

You stood frozen in the doorway, unable to tear your gaze away from him or move. This didn't feel real.

“Where were you?” Rafe asked, breaking the silence; his voice was monotone, empty of emotion as he sat on your bed, just looking at you.

Your throat felt dry, and your tongue heavy with unsaid words. You struggled to find your voice and form a coherent response, and the utter shock and fear rendered you speechless.

“I don't want to repeat myself,” Rafe mumbled under his breath; he was allowing you to come clean and save yourself from whatever he had planned if he caught you in a lie.

“I was…” you blinked a couple of tears back, thinking of what to say. “I went to the gas station… to get some.” you looked up and then back at him, fidgeting with your hands. “snacks.” you lied, voice cracking from nerves.

Rafe smirked, slighting, breaking his calm facade. Did this amuse him?

“Right.” Rafe nodded, looking at his lap as if he was thinking about what you just said. “So you went to the gas station, right?” he asked, awaiting a response.

You nodded, but you couldn't stop the tears from glazing your eyes and your whole body from trembling.

“And you left your phone at home?” Rafe questioned you, head tilting slightly and his eyes narrowing.

You completely forgot that since Rafe was waiting for you in your room and most likely saw your phone on your nightstand. Your lies were falling apart before your eyes.

“I forgot-” You mumbled quietly, still standing in your doorway. You hoped you weren't loud enough to wake anyone in your house, but you were too scared to get closer to Rafe.

“Y/n,” Rafe muttered, pushing himself off the bed, now standing in front of it. “I'm done with the lies. Alright?” the blonde sighs, now talking with his hands. “I've been here for,” he looks down at his expensive watch, taking in the time. “2 hours,” Rafe admits, fist clenching to his side.

Your face fell when he said that, he had caught you; he had to know; there was no excuse or lie you could think of to justify why you were at the gas station for 2 hours in the middle of the night. Your heart started to beat faster, and your tears finally spilled over; you weren't just scared, you were terrified; you didn't want to admit to hanging out with the Pogues, but what else could you do? You had tried lying and failed, making the situation worse, and Rafe probably already expected the worst. I mean, you were sneaking out in the middle of the night. That would look like cheating to anyone.

“And I don't see any snacks either.” Rafe sighs as he combs his finger through his hair.

He was right; you didn't even think of that; you were a horrible liar.

“So I'm going to ask you one more time.” Rafe’s posture was stiff, and his hands were shaky, “where. Were. you.” his tone was sharp, and his breathing was speeding up as he waited for your response.

“I was at the chateau…ok?!” You blurted out loudly, quickly covering your mouth after realizing your door was still open. “John B’s place, it was me, Sarah.” his eyes rolled when you mentioned his sister, “Kiara, Pope, JJ.” You were now half whispering and hyperventilating simultaneously; your tears were prevalent as you told your boyfriend everything. There was no point in lying anymore, he had caught you, and he was pissed.

“We were just hanging out, and I'm sorry; I know I should have-” You were just saying anything that came to mind, trying to improve this situation, word vomit.

“Come here.” Your boyfriend mumbled, cutting you off; his voice was low and shaky.

You shook your head. ‘No,’ you didn't want to be anywhere near him right now; you had just admitted to lying to him multiple times and didn't want to face the consequences.

“Ok,” he shakes his head before running his hand through his hair again and saying something under his breath that you didn't quite catch.

Before you knew it, he was charging at you. You tried to run out the doorway, but as soon as you turned, one of his arms was wrapped around your waist, pulling you against his stiff chest, and with the other, he used his hand to cover your mouth in one swift motion before using his foot to shut your door.

“You were lying to me.” he hissed into your ear, pushing you against your wall, back facing him. “Calculating plans behind my back.” he used the hand that was around your waist to grab a chuck of your hair, forcing your head to snap to the side. “To hang out with dirty Pogues.” he was now gripping your hair so tight you felt it might come out of your head. “And probably sleep with them behind my back.” His voice didn't raise once as he automatically assumed the worst.

You couldn't deny his claims; his hand was over your mouth tight, your parents were right upstairs, and he knew that.

“How many times? Huh?” Rafe questioned you, pulling your hair back just enough to make eye contact, and when you looked into his eyes, they didn't look normal; they were dark. “How many times did you fuck those disgusting Pogues while you pretend to be asleep?” he was dead serious.

He slowly moved his hand from over your mouth, waiting for you to respond, but when you let out a loud cry instead, he quickly covered it again before slamming your head against the wall, which was also noisier than he expected.

In Rafe's mind, he couldn't accept the fact that you and another guy could just be friends, especially not you and a Pogue; in Rafe's mind, you 100% cheated on him, and there was no convincing him otherwise. He was disgusted; who knows where those pogues had been or who they had been in? They were filthy and grimy; who knows what you could have given him.

“You're disgusting.” Rafe whispers in your ear before flipping your body around to face him, stuck between him and the walls.

“I can't believe I trusted you.” His hand was now grabbing at your hair again, gripping the top of your scalp and using it as leverage to push you down on your knees in front of him.

You fought back, trying to stand straight, but Rafe quickly overpowered you. And before you knew it, you were kneeling before him like he wanted.

“I'm going to let go of you, and if you make any noise…” he paused momentarily, looking deeply into your eyes. “I'll kick your fucking teeth in.” he threatened, voice still shaking. “Understand?”

You nodded to the best of your ability with his tight grip on your hair and face.

When he let go, you tried your best to stay quiet, letting out little cries and whimpers, but not enough for him to fulfill his threat. The tears hadn't stopped since he'd caught you, and you were so fucking exhausted from all the fun you had earlier and now the pain, accusations, and tears. But when you looked up to see Rafe unbuttoning his pants, you couldn't keep quiet.

“No-” You protested quietly, as you started to hyperventilate, tears now fully clouding your vision. “Rafe-” You couldn't even catch your breath. You were panicking.

“Shut the fuck up,” Rafe demanded quietly, but his tone was still harsh as he pulled down his pants.

“I can't breathe-” You were cut off by Rafe pushing your head, causing it to slam against the wall; you immediately rubbed the back of your head to soothe the pain as you cried harder.

Rafe was getting more annoyed with you by the second, jaw ticking every time he looked at you. He grabbed your chin roughly, pulling your face closer to his crotch.

“I told you to shut the fuck up.” Rafe sneered as he used his other hand to pull his boxers down and begin stroking his cock right in front of your face.

You couldn't stop crying. You couldn't believe this was happening; just an hour ago, you were out with your friends, having fun, not even worried about your boyfriend. You had gotten away with sneaking out so many times already; how could you have known today would be any different?

“Open your mouth,” Rafe demanded as he held his cock right in front of your lips.

You tried to turn your head to the side, but Rafe wasn't having it. His grip on your chin got tighter and tighter until you tried to cry out in pain, but as soon as you opened your mouth, he got what he wanted.

His hand holding your chin was back on your hair as he guided your head up and down at a quick, harsh pace. Sounds of gags and rafes and low moans filled the room. It was music to his ears but traumatizing for you.

“Fuck y/n.” Rafe moaned out, “I'm gonna miss this.”

You were a little confused, but if you were being honest, you were barely listening to Rafe anyway, too emotionally broken to pay attention to whatever he was saying.

“Can't be with a bitch who would fuck a pogue,” Rafe grunted out.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Enjoyed my fic? Leave feedback! Comment/reblog!

Wanna see more? Check out my fic Sweet little lies.

Also tagging @necroflame (bc I lied about the post time to many times 😭) and @fabienne6656 for the idea!!! Thx bye..

[redclercs]

DELICATE✰ CHARLES LECLERC.

INTERLUDE: this is why we can't have nice things.

— the one where everybody's waiting to see the fall out.

warnings: this is basically like the INTRO chapter with all media, we're going to pretend publications and broadcast timings are not mistaken or fake, okay? ok. am i myself if i don't mention taylor swift in every chapter? no. foul language.

masterlist ✢ next

By Tom Gill // June 23rd

Vic Presley confirms y/n hasn't reached out to her even after Vic called asked her to in a publication a few days ago.

"I think she has blocked my number by now," Presley said, "I am devastated by this. I didn't think it was like her to discard relationships so easily."

Presley and y/ln have been friends since 2020, when they met at the opening of the SENSE Club in downtown Los Angeles and quickly became inseparable.

"y/n really was— is my best friend. I miss her and I want her to come back to me."

Vic Presley also commented on y/n's split from Aidan Kim in her own way: "I hate that she hurt Aidan. I was not aware they had so many problems, that's definitely the kind of stuff you tell your best friend."

y/n was spotted just a week ago with alleged (and constantly denied) boyfriend, Charles Leclerc on a stroll around Central Park. Victoria Presley couldn't help but speak her mind on this.

"y/n has changed so much since she met that guy. I met him in Miami and Monaco, he's not one of the good ones. He's managing to isolate her from everyone who loves her."

Once again, Victoria urges y/n to contact her so they can rekindle their friendship. "I am not angry at her, disappointed maybe. But I will always have my arms open for her."

SEE ALSO:

→ Victoria Presley and Mia Kim collab in new project promoting Presley Beauty.

→ y/n y/ln, a disaster waiting to happen.

→ Aidan Kim is 'almost done' with debut solo album

By Paul Dean // June 28th

Aidan Kim has been in the spotlight since 2012, when he debuted as a member of boyband phenomenon Star-5 with their hit single "End Of The Day". After the band's dissolution in late 2018 due to creative differences between the members and rumored jealousy disputes that included Aidan himself, the Korean-American superstar decided to pursue a career in acting, in aims of expanding his horizons.

'Supercut' in 2019 was the start of a a succesful career followed by '1922' (2021) and 'Conversations with Friends' (2022) plus the series 'Crimes of the Academy' (2022) before Netflix decided to cancel it.

While it is true that 'Supercut' was a box office hit and sent Aidan Kim and co-star—and former partner—into a whole new level of stardom, Aidan Kim might be regretting ever making that movie.

"Supercut holds a special place in my heart," Aidan commented, politely. "It was my first real movie." Of course Aidan doesn't count the "3D Concert Experience" he starred with his other four bandmates as a real movie. "But I carry the consequences of making Supercut with me to this day."

The whole world is aware of such consequences, as y/n y/ln is keen on having the last word when it comes to the breakup from Kim. It wasn't enough to leave him humiliated by turning his marriage proposal down.

"Someone was looking out for me that night, I think," Aidan has tried his best to let go of such bitter memories by turning them into something positive. "At the end of the day, I'm glad y/n said no. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with her. You're witnessing how unstable she is."

"It's quite shocking honestly," Aidan Kim didn't expect his ex-girlfriend to act like this. "I helped her however I could. Talked to producers, casting agents and journalists to give her a shot. And she says I never did anything for her."

Kim couldn't help but take the chance to refer to his ex's new lover: "But I've moved on. And I hope she does the same soon. If I were Charles Leclerc, I'd be worried my new girlfriend is thinking about her ex-boyfriend so often."

Lastly, Aidan teased his upcoming album, "I've worked very hard on it. I missed making music and I hope you'll like this new sound I'm trying after leaving Star-5's commercial music behind."

"The thing about music, is that it lets you tell your side of the story too. I hope you support a man doing this the same way you root for Taylor Swift, because double-standards are so 'in' right now."

SEE ALSO:

→ Mia Kim, the talented sister of Aidan Kim, set to make big screen debut.

→ Were Mia Kim and Victoria Presley mocking y/n y/ln in new Youtube Video?

→ Mia Kim: "y/n should have kept her mouth shut, there's still shit to be exposed about her."

FROM THE DREW BARRYMORE SHOW — JULY 6TH

[Y/N]: ❝(...) What matters to me right now, is that people now I am nothing of what they're calling me. I am not perfect, nobody is. But I have never cheated on a partner or used someone else as a 'toy' and most importantly, I built my own career.❞

[Y/N]: ❝It gets exhausting, you hear things about yourself you never even thought possible. It could be laughable if it wasn't so cruel❞

[Y/N]: ❝My relationship ended in February, but I believe it was over way before that. I acted in a way that was not fair to my ex-partner nor to myself, and I expressed my regrets about it. He had the right to not accept my apology, but not to make stuff up about the whole situation.❞

[Y/N]: ❝He's feeding his ego, he's a man, after all. But doing it at the expense of my work and my reputation is disgusting. I want one producer or casting agent to come forward and say they gave me a role thanks to my ex-boyfriend's input, just one.❞

[Y/N]: ❝I have surrounded myself with different people. They have been a great support system, always motivating me, and holding me back when I'm about to do something stupid. This also means I have left some people out of what's going on with me, and it's for the best.❞

[Y/N]: ❝Taylor Swift, bless her soul, has given me a lot of advice. She's the sweetest person ever and since the same guy that is trying to drag me has gone after her in a few interviews, she wants this to be over as much as I do. I think he made a mistake by messing with Taylor too.❞

[Y/N]: ❝Rumors will keep running, but I am finally at peace with knowing who I am and who I can trust. But those 'sources' should know my patience is running out.❞

By Jenny Highland // July 20th

Mia Kim and Victoria Presley are the hottest topic right now, but not for the reasons both influencers wish, as they are in trouble!

Both Los Angeles locals have received a 'Cease and Desist' letter from recovering actress y/n y/ln this week, per her team's advice. This was confirmed by both Presley and Kim on Twitter, saying they are 'flabbergasted' that y/n is accusing them of defamation.

While y/n is far from gaining her place back in the public's heart, we are not blind to what Victoria and Mia have done for the past month, riding the wave to get views and followers talking about their shared time with y/n. Who has every right to ask them to stop, as she has done in several interviews throughout the month.

For many people, this makes it more evident that it was either Presley or Kim who contacted tabloids to get their five minutes of fame and sink y/n deeper.

Actions have consequences for everyone, and if y/n decided to pick this fight at this point in her downfall/rerise/wherever it is that we are with her, it's because she knows she can win, right?

─── team principal radio: ❝thank you for reading! please let me know your thoughts! I know I'm ending your patience with this slow burn thing but I promise you we're getting there! Charles is back next chapter and you'll see haha. again, your interactions mean the world to me and i'm sorry if sometimes i don't reply to your comments, i'm just awkward but i love you all♡❞

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[severus-snaps]

not me just making myself sad about snape on the hogwarts staff

1980-ish, voldemort's sent him to apply for DADA; he failed in this first attempt, but brought back the prophecy. fast forward to september 1981 and sev has turned, is working for dumbledore, is perhaps already having to use occlumency to prevent voldemort from working out his true motives and the fact he went to Dumbledore for a reason other than "spinning a tale of deepest remorse" for the sake of spying

he's 21ish. he's teaching little kids all the way to students barely younger than him. secondary school students can be unbelievably cruel and rowdy (source: our year, famous for being one of the most tame in the yeargroup and forever bitter that the actually wild year above us got all of our privileges like going into town at lunch revoked for shoplifting, made at least one teacher cry; other source: the marauders).

he's having a constant low-level crisis about whether he's doing everything right. he's second-guessing himself because school guidelines are so vague. he gets told he's a harsh marker and to allow for the fact his students are kids. he's just sticking to the guidelines. he'd never have made these mistakes.

students whisper about him behind his back for all the same reasons harry and the marauders did (he's too ugly, too greasy, too sour). he's teaching lockhart. lockhart is in a year where he'd have heard what happened in SWM. i don't think Lockhart is intentionally cruel but he will say anything for attention; he starts the rumour again after giving a dramatic performance with real and gossip-added details of SWM and other encounters. severus battles for classroom discipline; he has to rule with an iron fist. the next time he loses classroom control is after lupin's lesson with the boggart

he potentially has no close peers. the closest people in age to him are the students, but he can't socialise with them. his colleagues were his teachers only a few years ago; they either know outright that he'd spent time as a death eater or heard rumours that he was very likely to have been one. the war is ongoing. they treat him with politeness and respect because this was dumbledore's doing, not because they like or trust him. he's on their side now, but they don't know that

the war ends a few weeks into his first term. voldemort is gone. lily is dead. snape is sobbing in dumbledore's office, but he won't tell anyone else he's upset; he never tells anyone the depth of his feelings for lily, his guilt and remorse. his temper shortens; he's even less popular with the students, and more reclusive with the staff. i imagine it takes a while for his friendly rivalry with minerva to develop.

he still feels like a child. he doesn't have the experience for this job. he doesn't have the desire. he was never a leader, and now he's head of house, potions master, unofficial dark arts expert amidst the ongoing cycle of DADA teachers. he spends the first few months or years feeling constantly out of his depth, isolated, grieving, depressed. his house is still the odd one out. he's still the odd one out.

eventually he grows into the role. he's comfortable with his reputation and his teaching style. he's on good terms with dumbledore and minerva, the others rally behind him when they hate a DADA teacher. but he's never certain whether the other teachers accept him as one of their own or whether they're all just polite on dumbledore's word

eventually he finds out the hard way. he's isolated and hated and terrified and grieving alone. whenever he makes an appearance as headmaster he fleetingly thinks it would've been easier if he were someone else; if someone like pomona or filius or minerva had killed dumbledore, people would be outraged, but they'd think something else was going on. they'd trust them enough to know that there were other factors at play. his peers, his colleagues, wouldn't be looking at him that way. hadn't he spent over a decade with them, sharing the staffroom, sharing meals, making jokes about quidditch, bitching about umbridge, sighing about lockhart, groaning about exams and the board of governors and the twin weasleys' pranks?

he knows their trust stemmed from dumbledore, and it died with him. he knows it has to be this way. he knows he actively made it this way. he had to, for his cover, for his role, for everyone's safety

but sometimes he allows himself to imagine how nice it would feel if he wasn't completely alone

[pepprs]

hi, everyone. i hope you all are doing well. i’ve been meaning and wanting to check in here for many months but i have also been too afraid to. but i want to do it now because im potentially at a turning point and i want you all (especially close friends and mutuals who i haven’t talked to in a long time) to know what’s going on because unfortunately i do not have the strength to reach out individually right now, as much as i desperately want to.

when i left this place a year ago my depression was extremely bad. i didn’t know how long i was going to be gone or whether i was leaving for good, but i knew i needed to make some changes in my life before i could be here healthily again. well… 2024 has been a year of IMMENSE change for me! a lot of it has been for the good. i made some progress in my life by moving out, and i’ve had a lot of joy and healing in (very slowly) building a home for myself and figuring out what kind of life i want to live and how i want to live it. (im learning how to drive! i have string lights and stuffed animals and a wii! i am capable of solo travel!)

but… a lot of the changes that have happened this year have been for the worse. in almost every respect 2024 has been one of the most difficult and painful years of my life (and that is saying something!). this year a couple of traumatic things have happened to me and around me, and it has been extremely hard to live my life despite and beyond them. i have been dealing with physical and mental health issues that have greatly impacted my quality of life and make it unbearably difficult for me to get through every day. i am constantly running on negative spoons. one of the most damaging outcomes of this is that i have almost completely withdrawn from society both online and off and that is not an exaggeration. ive stopped talking to all of my friends and family except for people i see every day at work. i impulsively isolate myself when im in pain / distress despite knowing both emotionally and logically that it makes literally everything worse and i don’t know how to (and often can’t muster the mental strength to) work through the shame and grief and anxiety to seek connection and support. and im struggling to take care of myself including physically and its having severe consequences in every aspect of my life and in the lives of people who care about me. i live alone and i still think that was the good and right choice for me to make, but i am profoundly and agonizingly lonely. my depression was extremely bad when i left here, but i think despite everything it might be even worse now.

all of this is to say: this week i finally decided i can’t suffer like this anymore, and i began the process of seeking a formal diagnosis for my depression and other mental health issues and exploring additional treatment beyond talk therapy (most likely meds but there may be other things too / instead; still at the very beginning stages of figuring it all out). i am extremely anxious about many dimensions of this but also hopeful that it will help me hurt less because when i tell you at this point my brain and heart physically ache from depression like 85% of every day…. lol. im really hoping that once i get my mental / emotional pain under control i’ll be able to start tending to the parts of my life that have withered while ive suffered and repair the damage of my neglect as best i can. (which is to say… if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please know i love you and i miss you terribly and i am so sorry we haven’t spoken and i am so sorry im telling you this in a tumblr post you may not even read instead of a reply or a call back. i still love you and i want you to know it is not you specifically i am ghosting, its everyone. i am trying to build the strength and im scared i can’t but i hope i can.)

that said… i have decided i am not going to be coming back to this blog. i miss this place and the community i felt connected to here, but the way i was using this website as a public diary was extremely unhealthy, and as much as i miss it and still crave the instant comfort/validation i see clearly now with months of distance how damaging it was. (i truly cannot believe i was oversharing like that lol i am so private now (yes due largely to mental illness but still!)) i am so grateful to everyone who reassured me when i was struggling and celebrated my successes. this was the first place, online or off, where i (misguidedly but it’s true!) could actually be honest and candid about things happening in my life and my reactions to them instead of communicating it all through metaphors in my art and poetry, and it truly mattered that i had that experience here so that i could seek out more spaces like it in my offline life. i know i already said thank you in a previous update but really… thank you. 💗🫂

im not planning on deleting this blog. i may come back here and share updates like this one from time to time, but otherwise i will leave it as it is. but… i do want to get back to using a few of my fandom-centered sideblogs because looking at and compiling art of things i like is a low-energy thing that makes me happy! so you may see activity there every once in a while (tbh during this hiatus i have opened tumblr from time to time to look at art and save a bunch of posts that i wanted to reblog eventually lol). but… if i notice myself slipping back into bad habits i may private the sideblogs or abandon them completely.

i don’t know how to end this post. actually wait yes i do. one of my all time favorite artists is anna-laura sullivan (@/annalaura_art on instagram) and this is one of my all time favorite drawings of hers (so much so that i made it my lock screen so i can look at it every day!). this saying has brought me a lot of comfort and i hope it (and her other art) will bring you comfort too if you’re also in a dark place.

one more thing: not to be kind of a freak but in writing this post i discovered a longer version of my goodbye post from last year in my drafts. i don’t remember why i didn’t post it and obviously it’s outdated now but i want to share the draft because i went into more detail about tumblr having been helpful for me specifically when it comes to my mutuals + info / disclaimers about how to reach me and i want you guys to hear that in my past self’s voice lol! i put it under the cut if you want to read it!

2023 tess said it best: i hope you know how much it’s meant to me to be in your company. thank you for sharing and thank you for listening. i love you. happy [almost] new year. be well. good luck. shine bright. until we meet again ☕️🐈🫂���

[roguekhajiit]

TW: Transphobia

I had my first ever encounter with a transphobic member of the LGBTQ community this week.

At work on Monday, I overheard some co-workers discussing Transgender Day of Visibility and how President Biden issued a statement acknowledging Trans Day. Since it just so happened to occur on the same day as Easter this year, my very close-minded co-workers took that and Biden's statement as evidence that Trans people are trying to take over Easter!

Now, I consider myself to be Non-binary (specifically Demi-girl/Agender), but I tend to fly under the radar, which is very helpful since I live in a very, very red state. It doesn't hurt that my normal sense of personal style is very casual and all black. So, I can wear traditionally "men's" pants, and no one pays much attention to me, which is the way I prefer it. I hate anything that draws attention to myself.

So, I bit my tongue and hyperfocused on my work. Then, when I went home, the non-binary gremlin in me just couldn't be contained anymore; I opened Reddit and made a post about how no one is going around trying to steal stolen holidays.

Now, I was fully anticipating pissed off Christians to rain their uninhibited fake outrage down onto the comment section (which happened) but I wasn't anticipating a self-identified 60 yr old gay man to come into my comments saying things like, "Why would you put a Trans holiday anywhere near a religious holiday knowing every seven years it's gonna land on said holiday" and "As a gay man I believe that the one part of our community is stifling the rest of us."

Tell me you're transphobic without telling me you're transphobic.

Now, since I can't just ignore the sheer inaccuracy of his math; according to Google from 2001 to 2100, Easter will only land on March 31st 5 times. Five times in an entire century. The last time Easter was on March 31st, it was 2013. So, 11 years ago, or over a decade ago. No one gave a shit in 2013 that Easter and Trans Day were on the same day. But let the president acknowledge it in a statement and everyone loses their fucking minds.

So, why would you avoid celebrating something important in your life on the off chance that it might coincide with someone's religious holiday? Of course, you wouldn't. If your birthday is on Christmas, do you no longer have a birthday?

"Next, why wouldn't you place it in the month of pride then each day of pride month could have a different day celebrating each letter of the lbgtq+ community."

Yes, that is what Pride Month is for, celebrating the diversity of the LGBTQ+ community. But are you gay only in June?

But sadly, even some in our diverse community isolate and vilify trans individuals just like what this old gay dinosaur is doing. For 15 years, a vast majority didn't know or even give a shit that Trans Day existed. That is until a president acknowledged it.

"May I point out there's no gay holidays that coincide with Yom kipper or Ramadan."

True, Yom Kippur and Ramadan don't coincide with any "gay holidays," but Shavout is directly in the middle of Pride Month. Any outrage there?

"So just piss off the Christian's so they have one more thing to hate us for. I find many in our community asking for acceptance while giving none, just my opinion and nothing more."

How very accepting of you to say, my lord.

"Maybe it's time we all in the gay community and cis people give the whole year to the Trans community."

But they aren't asking for the year, or even a month. They just want one day that is their own. And even members of our own LGBTQ+ community can't even give them that.

"I'm gay so I can't be transphobic."

Your statements say otherwise. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you are absolved of your transphobia.

Perhaps it's time we stop placating these dusty ass old gay dinosaurs and call them out on their hateful thinking. Their "I got mine" attitude only harms our communities. Just because you won the fight for same sex marriage doesn't mean you're safe. The fight for equality is never-ending.

More and more of us are having our rights stripped away right before our very eyes. Roe v. Wade has already been overturned, and they aren't going to stop there. They never planned to stop there. They are very methodically chipping away at our rights. Right now, they are focusing their efforts on the trans community, slowly outlawing their very existence. And while they have you distracted by that, they are quietly overturning same sex marriage laws. Your rights aren't safe and never will be safe as long as we have members in our communities who subscribe to this kind of thinking.

[azulcrescent]

Hi Azul! :) I started following your silly scribbles about a year ago, and seeing Cheryl model how she came out to her friends and family in the comic helped me articulate my gender experience better with my wife and even come out to my friends and family. Thanks for sharing your art! I also wanted to say that I'm sorry that you're experiencing poor sleep and burnout lately. :( Those can make you feel awful. I've had a chronic illness for the past six years -- and I'm fully aware that's something separate, nor do I want to equate it with your experiences -- but, at risk of giving any unsolicited advice, I do wish someone had said something to me about this when I first felt those as well. Because I was pushing myself to work for 2 hours a day as a special education paraprofessional in a wheelchair due to fatigue and systemic dysfunctions throughout my body -- so I had to quit my job since I was making my health even worse. When I stopped working, I was fully bed bound for a time but even still kept pushing myself to attempt grad school online despite only being able to sit up for 5-10% of the day. My point is that, even when our bodies are burnt out, we still push ourselves because that's generally just our human nature to do. And I wish that during that time someone had gently said it's okay to slow everything down and listen to what my body was telling me it needed.

With slowing down, I also get that finances are a thing, and I wouldn't have been able to recover from severe to moderate ME/CFS without my wife working her butt off for us to cover medical expenses by switching jobs and upskilling. (She jokes that she has no more butt anymore because of those years :'(... )

So, although this is stepping into unsolicited advice, but as someone who was burnt out and constantly eepy for years, I feel like it would be remiss of me to not try to say something and just give a bullet point list of free things that helped my nervous system not be so overstimulated and tired but wired that I couldn't sleep and even when I did it was unrefreshing and yucky to wake up the next day:

•Search for "ally boothroyd yoga nidra" on YouTube and pick a 10 minute video •Do belly breathing to expand the diaphragm (one of the few ways we can give input to our parasympathetic nervous systems -- the rest, digest, and heal system) •When breathing, breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat to tell your body it can be calm •Spinal flossing in bed: start from your lowest vertebrae you can, try to isolate it with your muscles, and shift it up down left and right, then go up to the next one •Listen to how your body responds to foods: maybe try cutting out gluten and refined sugars for a week to see if it helps in any way; a lot of our immune system is in the gut, and being in a stressed state can cause our immune systems to mistake food molecules for pathogens which then activates the immune system and turns off the parasympathetic nervous system •Drop your jaw fully open like you're going to yawn, then stretch your tongue upward outside your mouth as far as it can go and stretch it around. This is a stretch for the muscles near your vagus nerve near your ear/neck behind the jaw to help them relax •Plan a bedtime routine for the thirty minutes before you go to bed and be consistent •Brain retraining: When you feel stressed or anxious about sleep or being burnt out, compassionately tell yourself "Stop, stop, stop." Thank that part of you for bringing up its concern, then remind that part of yourself that it doesn't need to worry anymore because you are working on recovering and healing. And if the insomnia or fatigue do happen, you have plans for what to do and will be okay. •Remember the conclusion from the American TV show Mythbusters: https://www.tumblr.com/gretchensinister/678474387179077632/one-of-the-most-life-changing-things-i-ever You're still getting rest even if you just close your eyes. You've talked about having ADHD, and while I don't have it, I get that it messes up brain chemicals and can contribute to both insomnia and burn out. There might be a reddit discussion that speaks to you better about medications or deficiencies. I hope you get to rest. Cheering for you. It's always fun to see your art. Thanks for what you do! :) Sleepy cat tax:

Glad to hear you like my comics! And thank you for the very informative and helpful info on sleeping better! Ill try to put your advice to use!

[endereies]

FUCK IT - MATT STURNIOLO - PART 7

Spotify Playlist:

Pairing: Matt x Oc

Contains: Growing up with parents who make her feel isolated, what happens when she meets Matt. A person who introduces her to new people, new experiences and new feelings.

Requested?: no

Author's notes: This chapter was so hard to write and for why :,)

Word Count: 2489

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

“Is this something we are meant to do?”

“Fuck it.”

7:30am

Alyia pov:

I groaned, burying myself under the warm covers, hiding myself from the rays of lights that had started to creep through my curtains. My arms rested above my head, finger-combing my hair gently trying to find a small way to pass the time. Another morning of pure silence wasn’t one I was willing to opt for. I sigh and reach my arm over to grab my headphones, and take them out of the case. My phone lay next to them and I connect my headphones to my phone as I scroll through Spotify. One of my old playlists grabs my attention and I put it on to shuffle.

Softcore – The Neighbourhood

I make sure that the volume is high enough that I can’t hear anything else around me clearly. The music distracts me from any other silence in my house, but this time it isn’t necessary. I walk down stairs drowsily while rubbing my eyes somewhat. Once I get to the bottom of the stairs, I notice my parents both sat down on the sofa, my father preparing some eggs in a bowl and my mother applying some makeup. I look around and notice bags of suitcases around the sofa and I know they must have only arrived this morning.

“Ally! There you are. I was beginning to think you had forgotten about school.” I can barely make out my father’s words, still having my headphones in my ear. I take them out, however, so that I could talk to him.

“Father…When did you two get home...?” I walk towards him, giving him a side hug while he pours the eggs into a pan.

“Only about an hour ago, but due to time zones, we slept on the plane.” He tries to focus on his words but he quiets himself to focus on the food. I simply change my attention over to my mother.

“Did you have a good trip, mother.” I speak more bluntly towards her, adapting a cold attitude which she instantly matches.

“Not now Alyia. I’m busy” Yet her version of busy obviously only meant her eyeliner and I roll my eyes.

“Scarlett, we have been gone a week, at least greet our daughter.” My face scrunches up whilst a sour expression grows on my mother’s face.

“Hello, Alyia. The trip was fine and the contract went well” She places her make up on the counter, still limiting her eyesight to the products sprawled over the table.

“Contract?”

“Yes, the contract, I told you I ha-“

“No, mother. I wasn’t aware…” I mumble quietly but it’s enough her to drop her brush harshly and she finally turns to face me.

“What have I said about interrupting me, Alyia.” Her tone is angered and makes me break eye-contact with her.

I only go silent and face the ground under my feet. I blinked repeatedly, trying to get rid of the tears that pricked at my eyes.

This was pathetic that such a small sentence could affect me so much.

“So now you have nothing to say to me? Just go and get ready for school alright.” I normally would try and argue back but I simply wasn’t in the mood to fight today.

-

I had tried to distract myself with designing an outfit for school but considering half of it was mother’s brand, that grew hard quick. A simple white shirt is covered by a bold red tie that hung loosely around my neck, barely remaining under my collar. Then, it’s tucked into a tartan plaid skirt with a black belt tightening it to my waist. The sharp red complimented my brunette hair which I had put into a ponytail with my curtain bangs subsided, behind my ears. I grab an old pair of doc martins and slip my feet into them, no longer caring about the leather creasing whenever I step on the heel.

I just grab my headphones and place them back in my ears. I change over my school books and throw some main products like my keys in the front pocket and run back downstairs, slamming the door as I leave the house.

The day had barely started and I was in a sour mood. My parents were gone for a week and the most I get from my mother is a petty argument. At least my father had the decency to look at me when he spoke. Music wasn’t helping my mood as much since Mitski has started to play through.

The bus was late again but that wasn’t a surprise, they were always unreliable. I could easily get my license; I practically already have a car…or two. But the bus makes me feel more natural. My parents run fashion designs, but I don’t want to flaunt any money around like everything is expendable. I picked out what I wanted within reason and anything else of mine went into savings and my friends, mostly Jenny.

Thankfully the hallways were reasonably empty, I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. I simply make my way to the music room as quick as I could. All I wanted to do was play music and focus on anything other than mother’s words, but getting to my locker was first.

For once I was grateful for my parent’s money as it allowed me to keep my guitar in my locker with the added space inside, even if I had to constantly rearrange it around my books and other equipment. It takes me a moment but I manage to shift around all my belongings so I can remove my guitar. Once I do I lean it against the locker door next to me to free my hand and pick up a few makeup products from the floor. However, when I bend down to pick it up the guitar’s weight starts to shift and slams on the tiles below, echoing a light strum from the force. I grimace and close my eyes as an exasperated sigh leaves my lips. The case slides across the floor when I pull it closer and I slam my locker door shut.

It slings over my shoulder and I’m finally on track to the music room.

I take my seat down on the leather sofa and lean back with my head against the wall and finally exhale deeply. My hands quickly find the cable for my guitar and fidget with it between my fingers trying to untie it.

The door opens beside me and I don’t even bother to check who it is and I just plug my cable into my guitar.

“Good morning, Alyia” Matt’s voice is immediately bright and fills the room around me.

“Mhm…” I simply hum in response, still not looking up to him. I wasn’t in the mood to appease him after the rough morning I have been having.

“Alyia?” His body tilts down to face me more directly.

“Yeah?” I finally look up to face him and try to avoid looking pissed off so that I can change the subject.

“You alright?” I only nod at him, knowing my attitude would stem through my words.

He doesn’t push anything any further and sits on the stool behind the drums and takes his drumsticks out of his back pocket. His hand grips the bottom of the stool and drags it across the flooring, immediately proceeding to tap the skin on the drums lightly.

“You wanna play Dark Red again or…Rise?” Matt’s voice drags on as he simultaneously tries to decide on a song.

I take a deep sigh and just strum on my guitar, tuning one of the strings as soon as it doesn’t match within my chord. I lack any response to Matt, spending my time on tuning instead. The silence is awkward but at this point, I wasn’t bothered. Those seconds drag on internally and I try to relax myself in to the melody of my guitar. Rise is decided quickly in my head as I begin to pick at the strings to produce a chord.

Matt quickly catches on to the song but is still caught of guard by the time he is meant to start drumming and he speeds up in order to catch up.

“O-okay Rise it is…”

As the song progresses, I gradually speed up my pace to the song, subconsciously playing faster counts of eight in my head. Initially, Matt doesn’t notice the increase in pace. But, the more he plays, he starts to miss one or two beats and looks up towards me occasionally, trying to read my expressions.

I don’t even get to the end of the song before I give up with it, holding my guitar tight in my left arm but letting my right one drop to the side of my leg.

“Okay, what is up with you today.” Matt’s voice is sterner towards me and I do my best not to link it to my mother’s.

“Nothing, Matt. I’m fine.”

“Oh? Are we doing this again. Firstly, you have been cold towards me, barely speaking any full sentences. Then, you speed up the song and don’t even finish it before you stop in frustration. And finally you seem so much more shut off, just like when you stayed over my house.” He pauses and walks towards me, leaning down to face me.

“So, Alyia. I’ll ask again. What is up with you?.”

As much as I didn’t want to tell Matt, when he brought up the night in his kitchen, all I could think about was what he said to me.

“I want to know you.”

I practically freeze in my spot and he rubs his neck softly and drags his palm up and down his arm lightly.

“You do?”

“You doubted that?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t know that, I stay to practise with you when I can, I make extra meetings for the English project simply because they typically end with us hanging out over a movie or something.” He starts to walk closer. “I want to be your friend Alyia. Besides you are one of the only friends I have that Nick hasn’t shit talked right away and that Chris feels comfortable being himself around.”

“I am?”

“You are. And frankly you are fucking awesome at guitar, don’t think those mornings are gonna stop any time soon.”

“I want to be your friend Alyia.” He gives me a genuine smile but I give him a tight-lipped weak one back.

“If you don’t want to talk, I get it, but you don’t have to restrict yourself, okay?” I can only nod in response but he only repeats himself. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Fine…” I lay my guitar at my feet and look down from Matt.

“Are you going to tell me, for real?” He takes a seat down next to me and looks at my face, reading my body language.

“I might as well, I have known you several months and you haven’t given me any reason to not trust you. It might also be better to have a new perspective than just Jenny.” I lean back into my chair as an attempt to calm my body down.

“Well, thank you...That does mean a lot.” He speaks through a breathy laugh and faces away from me and towards the drum kit he just left.

“Okay, uh shit how do I start…” I take a deep breath and internally analyse my situation, figuring out the best ‘script’ in my had that allows me to express the most.

“You know how whenever we go around to my house and do anything, my parents are never home and things are so bare apart from my own material?” I scan Matt’s face but he is hard to read in comparison to me so he nods in acknowledgement. “Well…they are never home because they are at meeting or business trips that take them across the world. My mother is a fashion designer and my father arranges all of the meetings and background things.”

“I guess that makes sense. Do they call you with updates or anything” I can only shake my head in response.

“Not really, my dad tries to but with so many calls from management to models and stuff, it only ends in voicemails. You would think when they get back they would think to update you on, y’know…their life. But no. My father wants to sit down with me and talk about the trips and the small details that you would never normally care about, yet my mother interrupts or gives him things to do.” My sentences start to ramble and I breath in quickly once I finish.

“It was just so different this morning, normally I can handle the shit my mother gives me but it felt like she hated me this morning. She fucking shut me down and told me to stop interrupting her as if that wasn’t all she ever did herself. She hadn’t seen me in a week and yet her eyeliner was far too important to trade…It feels so pathetic that she feels so low of me.”

Matt falls silent next to me and continues to face away from me.

“Alyia…I’m so sorry” His arm snakes around and lingers on my shoulder but once I flinch slightly, he jolts his hand back and places it back on his lap.

“It isn’t your fault Matt; in fact you have helped me.”

“I have? How?”

“By actually being there, after you leave my house, it actually feels like the place was lived in and not a decoration to flaunt.” I start to admit things to Matt that I wasn’t planning on telling him for months but it simply felt like I wasn’t restricted. He was right, I didn’t have to be.

“Alyia…I’m only being your friend”

“I don’t exactly have many of those, I fucking lack in social skills.” I try and lighten the mood but I’m only met with a tight-lipped smile back.

“You can always stay at my place whenever you need company?” He shrugs next to me and I can easily pick up on the sincerity in his voice. I look up at him, not even realising the smile that automatically grows on my face.

“And I don’t want to hear that ‘I don’t want to bother you’ shit because that’s the last thing you do.” His words halt as he processes his words.

“Thanks Matt. Really, other than Jenny I don’t exactly have anyone.”

His palm finds its way to my knee and rubs my leg slightly, his head nodding at me softly and we stay in silence for a moment.

“We should probably start to play music again...” I perk up and he snaps out from zoning out and immediately removes his hand and stands up.

“Right! Right. Yeah, you want to try Rise again.?”

© ENDEREIES 2024

@melliflws @axolotllover225 @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @sturniolosmind @worldlxvlys @patscorner @breeloveschris @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @mayhem-72

[neoxghoul]

hey, it’s buni (if you know who i am, you know who i am. i know neo does lol) (please don’t tag me if you know who i am. i don’t want to be defined by my past)

i have been a melanie martinez fan like… all my life, and i especially latched on to her music after i was sexually assaulted for the first time. i was around 7 or 8. it was by my cousin who decided it would be fun to grope and kiss me. at first i said okay, because he just asked me to go around the corner with him, then he kissed and groped me. i had no idea how to feel. that’s all i remember. i don’t remember the day, i don’t even remember my exact age.

with sexual assault, you should always believe the victim at first. but then you need to look at the perpetrator and talk to them, or look at their actions. this cousin, who i saw recently last year, was very touchy with me again, dispute me being double the age i was when the assault happened. (i am now 16)

i asked him to stop this time, and he got upset and proceeded to play basketball with our other cousins. it was horrifying to me to know that i went through that with him. i haven’t brought this up since it happened. it’s been over 8 years.

now if you’re wondering why i bring this up, it’s because of the situation with timothy. i do think she is lying. and if she isn’t, she’s exaggerating the events drastically.

let me say, it’s so hard to prove sexual assault or rape in court. i have tried to go through the process, but even a few weeks later was too late. you need to have samples of the other persons dna, video or photographic evidence or something else.

but, with how she keeps telling the story over and over — not to friends, but to a wide audience of people who really don’t even know her — tells me she’s probably lying. she brings it up again when melanie is blowing up, selling a lot of product. she hasn’t directly interacted with her in 7 years, and only now it’s important again?

i get it if she came in contact with melanie, saw her as an opener, or something similar — but nothing like that never happened. she has said “i have been isolating myself”

i saw my perpetrator in person, i was mere inches away from him, and i didn’t shout from the rooftops “he groped me 8 years ago!” but timothy is, mostly likely, MILES AND MILES away from melanie and SHES shouting from the rooftops.

yes, sexual assault is something that effects you for the rest of your life.

i try to bring it up with trump, who admitted he raped a woman, who was convicted. the woman who brought it up — i believe her. because she has been trying to get it in court for YEARS.

timothy hasn’t done anything but post. and then, again, why would she dress up as her rapist the year after?

i, now, have an issue with dating people who look like my perpetrator. i could never dress up as them.

melanie has said “ {she} never said no to what we chose to do together.” which indicated something DID happen between them, but not to the extent that timothy is claiming. melanie never said anything like “oh this bitch is lying about everything. i’m gonna keep bringing it up over and over” and she isn’t doing the opposite either, completely ignoring it. she responded and said basically said something did happen between them.

i don’t think melanie is in the wrong. and it’s not just because i like her music, it’s because i, as another human, have been raped, sexually assaulted and abused MULTIPLE times in my life. it isn’t fun. it doesn’t go away, but it isn’t something you bring up every time the person gets popular.

that’s all i have to say. do i think either parties are fully innocent? no. do i think they both need to take accountability? yes, but i think melanie took hers. timothy needs to stop talking about it and take time herself to heal. like seriously, heal.

healing isn’t bringing up the topic over and over, it’s learning from it, learning to move on — like grief. accept it, and understand you may not have everything exactly correct.

that’s all i have to say :/

seriously, guys, we need to stop letting timothy bring this up to get her fame.

Wow thank you so much for sharing this Buni 🥺

I completely agree with you and support you all the way 🤍

[poppyandzena]

I don't think I've ever sent in an ask here, but I saw something that made my skin crawl enough to say something about it, beyond just watching and keeping myself informed and abreast of people I used to passingly watch and respect.

In response to a comment from a week ago that said:

"When reading the Milena doc, I was pretty intimidated by the sheer quantity of it. But once I started going through it I was confused. I kept asking "Where is the abuse?" It didn't make any sense to me. All I was seeing was conflict. ... The other [thing that tipped me off that something was fishy] is when [Milena] accuses "financial abuse" when Poppy lamented all the money, time, and energy that went into a relationship that has ended. Considering the custom engagement ring Poppy got for Noeh, it's NORMAL to feel upset, regretful, or even angry. Poppy didn't demand Noeh pay for it either, which I would expect if there was "financial abuse". The accusation is horseshit and Milena knows it. The Poppyamory docs sound like an exercise in throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks."

Three hours ago at my time of writing this, they responded that, "It wasn't an engagement ring. More of a celebrating the relationship kind of thing. Funny story is that she has both of them. We couldn't look at it anymore and gave it to her when she walked out."

Are... are they joking? How can they claim to be responsible and professional when they're downplaying the harm that they've done to such a degree? Is it a genuine belief of theirs that financial abuse couldn't have happened if there was an expensive gift given by the abusive party? That's not how abuse works and they know it. It's the same pattern as always-- the same pattern as with Spawn, too, but they won't admit it.

I just genuinely can not believe that they act like this.

"Celebrating the relationship." Four months of actual interaction, all online, most of it being Poppy trying to isolate Noeh from her partners one by one and stressing her to the point of dissociative episodes.

Poppy also held gifts over Noeh's head. The rings, the Webcam, the tickets, the commissioned moth sona artwork. The "my ex owes me hundreds of dollars I spent on her." Noeh didn't pressure into doing that. Poppy did it herself and held it against Noeh later.

[brumeraven]

🦋: On Salvation || dolls, dehumanization, decay, depression, gross, mutilation, saints, transformations

I sit here alone in an empty room, lifeless and barren for all that I graced it with my presence. And in all that silence, in that void between clock ticks, when no sound meets my ears but that of memory, I remember how they named me Savior.

I didn't do it for that. Never gave two shits about the accolades, whether my family name was praised or reviled.

I did it because someone had to. People were hurting, dying, and the world did what it always did; it stood by and watched.

I think the philosophists named it something. Someone won some fancy award for the discovery, after distilling down that creeping miasma to isolate the causative agent. Etiology helped them feel in control, I assume, putting a name and identity on the root of the evil.

But science is no protection against demons, and no amount of theology could return Lucifer to Heaven.

Everyone else, well, we just called it brumerot. Seemed to fit, and it was hard to care why exactly your skin was sloughing off in sheets in the midst of it happening.

My parents begged me not to go, or, rather, they wrote a strongly-worded letter impressing upon me the value of pursuing my present studies, a most cursory exegesis of which laid bare the subtext:

They didn't care, so neither should I.

That was just the way of the world, as it always had been and would always be. Not caring was the only way one could avoid being crushed beneath its weight.

I was on the next ship. Someone had to care, had to help, and it would be me.

It was that conviction...no, that identity, that kept me going in the midst of it all.

It didn't matter that people were hurting, so long as I was doing something.

It didn't matter that, left and right, my fellows were showing signs of the affliction, so long as I was helping.

It didn't matter that, no matter how many I treated, how hard I fought, it was all palliative, and the epidemic burned on and on without signs of abating.

It didn't even matter when I found myself strapped down to a gurney, wheeled off to who knew what fate.

The rot had set in, they told me, my arm as good as lost.

Of course it was; my fingertips had begun to blacken two days ago, and that very morning, half the flesh of my hand had simply degloved as I'd tried to grab a cup of coffee.

But it didn't matter.

I was still me; I was my mission, even after they took one arm, and then the next a month later.

I kept going back, over and over, for there was yet work to be done.

I hardly noticed when they finally cut away the last bits of my old life; I hardly noticed I then stood alone against the affliction.

Everyone else had either died or given up and gone home. One way or another, they'd all stopped fighting, except for me.

The people called me a savior, then. The Clockwork Saint, all shiny porcelain that stood unsullied by the plague. The infection couldn't reach me, couldn't affect crystalline perfection. All the blood and tears and feces and prayers I waded through every day just rinsed off.

Odd, to me, that I was admired thus.

I was no saint, untouched by the epidemic, no matter how many I saved. I was an oracle, an omen of its coming. I was walking proof of how much this sickness would take from you.

I didn't realize just how true that was at the time.

Society's fever broke, eventually, or perhaps every last person that sickness could take with it was long since gone, and so I returned home, thinking somehow that everything had changed and nothing at all.

I was right, but only in the wrong fashion.

I thought only my body had been taken from me.

I thought myself immune to the disease, but the rot had sunk in to the bone. Past it, even, deeper still to those parts of myself that couldn't simply be replaced.

The woman I loved welcomed me home with open arms, saying she understood.

I watched her body burn a week later, and that was when I finally noticed it. That miasma, seeping from every crack in my unfeeling carapace, oily black wisps, like a lover's corpsesmoke.

I went back to a house that had been my home when I'd left it. There was little left inside. Everything of hers was already gone.

I reached for the cat I'd forgotten to feed in my grief and watched as the thing inside me stretched out its tendrils and melted flesh from bone.

I reached for my coffee and found it bitter and cold, the scone molded and inedible.

I reached for a pencil and the lead snapped and paper mildewed.

I suppose I didn't need to leave a note. Whoever read it would end up contaminated, after all.

So now I sit here alone in an empty room, lifeless and barren, for all that I graced it with my presence a few moments longer. And in all that silence, I remember how they named me Savior.

I remember the adulation, for fighting what no one else was willing to.

I think, not of the people I helped, but of the ones I couldn't, and of what both had lost.

And I wonder still, as I set flames to debride the last remnants of the disease, could one named saint or savior ever be saved?

~🦋

[lesbiancolumbo]

Question from the genuinely ignorant what is The Post?

because this is a good faith question and this was so long ago, i’m gonna answer it and then respectfully and kindly ask people to stop asking, and i think once you read my answer you’ll hopefully understand why lol

in 2017 as an extremely suicidal and isolated 23 year old, i watched lady bird after a really long and difficult weekend of being with my emotionally and verbally abusive mother. the movie was good but extremely triggering for me - i saw a lot of my self and my mother in the film. instead of killing myself that night (and i’m not being flippant, i walked home from the theatre to my tiny little apartment contemplating stepping onto the highway) i decided i would just get it all out somewhere. at the time, letterboxd was a small website and i was a no-one. i wrote a review and vomited all of my feelings.

it’s not a good review. i wasn’t even really able to fully articulate what my own relationship with my mother was at the time. i was still too young and vulnerable to her abuse. but it made me calm enough to go to sleep and start a new week, so i did. it got no attention, except from some friends who liked it and knew my situation.

cut to literally new year’s day 2021. an eighteen year old on tumblr finds my review, screencaps it in its entirety, and posts it on here. it makes it way onto my dash. at first im shocked - that’s me! and i think i reblogged it to say that hey, that’s me! omg! wow! after i did that i almost immediately regretted doing that, because the attention and harassment i’ve received in the THREE YEARS since this post has gone up has honestly been so detrimental to my mental health. my fucking FACE and NAME are in the post bc the op didn’t bother to crop them out. every day i wake up and thank a higher power that my mother hasn’t found this post. people made fun of me, downplayed my (admittedly not very well articulated) experiences, armchair diagnosed me and my mother, posted my letterboxd icon which was MY REAL FACE on this website to MAKE FUN OF MY APPEARANCE and insinuate i deserved everything that happened to me. white supremacist blogs were SPREADING MY FACE AND NAME AROUND.

i got a lot of followers and attention and wanted none of it, and because tumblr is a website and the internet is written in ink, a post never truly gets deleted, and now every 6-12 months my privacy and something i impulse wrote in a moment of pure and true pain gets spread around this website and i can’t do a god damn thing about it.

and like……… i get it. it clearly resonated with people. and i don’t like drawing a hard line. but the violation and the harassment that proceeded from it for MONTHS has made me intolerant. the op of that post is the same age now as i was when i wrote that review, and i hope to god they learned from that experience, because i still have to deal with the ramifications of their fucking choice.

and it sucks. because i love lady bird. but my health is already precarious and i do not want to go through this all again.

[bunnakit]

last twilight ep 5 thoughts feelings etc.

eyy actually watched this earlier and rewatching it, so things should be a little less feral and unhinged. actually took notes my first watch through as well (wtf am i doing)

once again i love how stories are our constant companions in this show. i love how they keep playing with the parallels between worlds, it's one of my absolute favorite things in storytelling.

i love the fact that day is now 'invisible' in the world of badminton but he can still experience all of the joy of the game by supporting his friends. badminton was such a big part of his life and he doesn't have to leave it all behind, he just experiences it a little differently now.

film is so fucking pretty even covered in 'sweat.' i do love the show let her be 'sweaty' and disheveled instead of having perfect hair and make up after what was clearly a hard game. GIVE ME SWEATY WOMEN. (god im so gay)

so i said it last week but the only time we've ever seen mhok be violent is when he's been protecting the people close to him. (his garage bro, porjai x 2, etc) and we see him ready to do it again when august confronts day. there is no doubt in my mind that mhok was fully prepared to bury that bitch for even daring to make day the slightest bit afraid.

and god how scary does that have to be? you can't see, you're already nervous to be here, and suddenly someone is shouting at you - and maybe you don't recognize them at first because you haven't heard their voice in over a year but all you know is they're coming closer and they're so angry. i can't imagine anything scarier than that.

ahh, a broken picture frame representing a broken bond, an absolute classic metaphor. an oldie but a goodie.

once again i love that we see day's rage. anger really is such a big part of coming to terms with being disabled. i got some bad news a few weeks ago about my own disease and i've spent the last few weeks so angry and frustrated and then just sad. it's such a complex journey and the show is doing an absolutely brilliant job of showing that.

i do owe day's family a small smidgen of an apology since day is the one that asked it to be kept a secret, HOWEVER, i do think that conversation should have been revisited after a fucking year. how long were they just going to let him live in isolation? like cool for respecting his agency, not cool for letting him waste away in a tomb of his own making.

FINALLY WE GET MHOK OPENING UP.

so here's the thing with mhok. i love him. no - the real thing is i see so much of myself in him. my friends and family constantly get frustrated with me because i will never tell them when something is wrong or when i'm shouldering a lot of emotions about something. when i got the bad news about my disease i hid in my office and cried at my desk and then cleaned myself up and pretended nothing happened. fuck, i feel like i understand mhok on such a deep level.

not to get too into it but my own habits stem from neglect in my formative years, and i have to wonder if mhok's behavior maybe stems from his isolation in prison? oftentimes people with these behavior patterns will self isolate, either deal with or bury their emotions, and then emerge back into their friend group as if nothing happened. (am i talking about myself again? shhh.) mhok didn't really have a choice - sure you can write letters, have visitors, but a large part of his day was probably handling his grief in solitude. he's probably gotten so good at "handling it" and pushing everything down and dealing with everything in silence that he doesn't know how to handle it any other way now.

to make things worse, it happened over a year ago. he probably feels like he should be "over it" and not make it a big deal. maybe i'm projecting just a smidge (just a lot) but i do think it's something interesting to keep in mind. either way, him finally talking about rung to day is fucking MASSIVE, both for their relationship and mhok's emotional wellbeing.

august is fucking king of mixed signals and i don't super like that he looked for mhok's permission to lead day through the court. why the fuck are you looking at mhok when you could just ask day? if you look closely, as mhok is letting go day curls his fingers around the hand that mhok uses to remove his hand from his arm.

i do love we see mhok pushing day a little more out of his comfort zone as he did in earlier episodes.

porjai is so fucking pretty. is there anything more attractive than a woman in shorts and an oversized band tee? no. no there is not.

and again we see how much time and effort mhok has put into being day's caretaker - and his friend. he did research and learned methods that would make dining out easier for day. i love him so much! i don't know how day could still be thinking about august after that adorable little date.

UGH OKAY SO. HERE'S WHERE WE GET INTO MY BIG FEELINGS.

in my opinion, the theme of this episode has been "being late." here's why.

the boys were very nearly, or were, late to gee's badminton game

you could consider mhok 'late' to tell day about rung

day thinks he's too late to confess to august

mhok realizes he's come into day's life too late to receive his affection

and then we have august's literal late arrival (i still dont know what fucking game this jackass is playing)

this also ties in to a little trend i've been noticing in regards to mhok that oftentimes he's too late in life.

he was too late to save rung, and learned of her death late

he was too late to receive the mechanic job as it had 'already been given to someone else'

he was a late arrival to the interview to become day's caretaker

and again, he's entered day's life too late to receive his affection (or so he thinks)

i genuinely don't know if this is intentional, but i think it's something interesting to draw connections to.

anyway, again, i dont know what the fuck august's deal is but i can tell you if i was day i'd be getting over my feelings for him real fucking quick. i don't super like that august shows up, hears about day's feelings, and asks mhok to keep his being there a secret - but i do understand it and i do understand mhok's side of things. i don't think he does it out of his own selfishness, i think rather he realizes august likely doesn't return day's affection and letting him think august didn't show up is possibly the kinder of the two scenarios. (my only hope is we don't see august return and try to woo day or something later with this knowledge)

i do love that mhok stayed. he was concerned and it might seem a little overbearing but day was clearly nervous for this outing and all in all it's good that he stayed. and then he made sure to salvage the evening for day and take him out on a proper date. maybe it's not the date day wanted but it looks like he had a great time (perhaps even a better time) spending a day with someone he could relax and be himself around.

flowers have so many different meanings across cultures and tbh i'm far to tired to dig into the thai meaning of hydrangeas (if there are any) but i do think hydrangeas are neat. this is prob common knowledge but the color of hydrangea petals is determined by the ph balance in the soil they're grown in. (blue hydrangeas grow in soil with a ph balance of 5.2-5.5, far more in the base range than red hydrangeas that grow in a ph balance of 6.0-6.2, and once the soil reaches acidic levels it tends to produce pink flowers) i guess maybe if you wanted you could draw a connection to how malleable mhok is becoming and how his environment is changing him.

scientifically, sunflowers are also an interesting flower because they are often used to heal damaged and irradiated soil. they're so fucking resilient and help heal the world around them. i think there's a lot of connections we can make there with both mhok and day, regardless of flower symbolism and going purely on science.

anyway sorry to be a science nerd.

that's all ive really got for this episode, i say, as if i have not written you all a novel. this show continues to make me feel so much and tickle my brain in such a delightful way. between this and moonlight chicken p'aof has definitely made me a fan for life.

tag loves: @benkaaoi | @callipigio | @lookwhatihave (once again pls always feel free to lmk if you want to be added or removed)

[abcd-adventures]

Hard Things

Sometimes, my work is difficult. Feel free to skip!

In January, I'll have been at my job for two years. This week has been the first time I've lost a client that I love. Now, of course, I love my job and I love the people in our building, but the kind of love I feel for the clients that I work with closely on a daily/weekly basis is obviously different. They feel like members of my own family and I love them super fiercely. There are a few of them that are on required daily check-ins. Even on weekends--I don't give a shit, I'd better get my regular check-in message. On Tuesday, I didn't hear from one of my people and he didn't answer when I knocked on his door. I called EMS and they came right away; but at the hospital they determined he must have had a massive stroke; that on top of his other health problems was too much. There is so much I am going to miss about that man.

One of my clients was talking with me about it the next day, and he asked me how I let myself care so much because he had stopped doing that a long time ago. I told him that all of the good things balance out the pain of the hard things. Yes, losing someone I love is a hard thing, but when you love someone so much there are SO MANY good things--my heart is so full when any of my clients have any little happy moment, no matter how small. So, yes, a loss is one big hard thing, but my heart is built back up on a daily basis by seeing someone come out to an activity for the first time instead of isolating, or seeing them making any tiny harm reduction choice, or them coming by to tell me something because they know I'd want to hear it...any number of little things that are actually big things and that happen many times every single day. I have a million little happy thing memories with this client I lost and I am so, so grateful for all of them. I am very sad, but still very grateful.