#a love letter to my werewolf babes who deserved better

[founderscouncil]

WHAT COLOR DOES YOUR LOVE FEEL LIKE

keelin malraux - warm burnt orange

Riding off into the sunset, the hope of a happy ending, the bitter after taste that still in it's own way smells kinda great. Your love is all bitter hopefulness, all about a broken heart that refuses to quit, all about the unshakable knowledge that a burning fire has a great comforting warm and a soft glowing light, all about the way when the sun comes down there's a beautiful starry night. It's stubbornness, it's the refusal to give up, the clutching of broken shards despite the searing pain and being adamant that dammit you can still make a beautiful stained glass window out of it. Yours is a screaming heart, a pleading love, a bitter and almost belligerent hopefulness that things will still work out even if you have to roll up your sleeves and make them. And god, aren't you tired? Isn't your heart heavy? Is all your hard work worth it? Don't you just want to curl up and let it be? Let the fire turn to ashes and the sky turn dark and let love die down and watch people leave? But you don't, do you? You're the bravest out of all of us, so you pick up the pieces and you keep going, you keep believing and you keep your heart full of hope because some day. Some day you know you'll get it. You keep riding off into the sunset and you keep filling my heart with hope as you go because god, how do I wish you finally get it too.

finch tarrayo - dark stormy blue

Sinking ships, raging seas and tumultuous hearts, love isn't easy for you. It's a struggle, a constant inner fight of should I? Can I? Do I? Feelings are hard and they rumble inside you in a dissatisfied mess that begs to be let out. Your heart screams and cries inside you and you... You can't, you won't. You're scared. And love is scary, it's hard and sometimes it just doesn't work out. People leave, people hurt, people change their minds. And you and your cold stormy heart yearn for the calmness, for the distance, to be allowed and able to simply not feel. And yet, you do. It rages, it fights and storms inside you and you try to keep it down, keep it quiet, to feel pretending not to. It's the burn of childhood friends growing apart, of parents that aren't quite there, of relationships that burn out. So you snuff it down with water, cold and calming and blue, blue, blue. But being loved by you is blue too, just not in that way. It's the soothing, embracing feeling of floating, the moment when you sink down bellow the waves and become one with the water, with everything. It's the balance, the dramatic yet calming sound of waves that crash against a rocky shore. You're the good and the bad, the violence of the storm and the watery peace right after. You're the blue, blue feeling and loving you is watery tears, yelled confessions that no one will hear and burying your feelings in a deep watery grave never to be found out about. Your love is dark stormy blue, it's vast and deep and all encompassing, it's safety in the surface of danger, it's trusting the unruly abyss and yet I'd gladly risk drowning just to feel what it's like being loved by you.

rafael waithe - deep staining red

Ripped out confessions, warm velvety whispers and a heart like an open wound. Your love flows out like dripping blood, beautiful, flawed and twisted. It's gut wrenching, the type of painfully dramatic feeling that makes you clutch your chest, picturing dramatic monologues about love and loving and big screen over the top scenes of sobbing into your pillow until you fall asleep. It rips out of you, clawing it's way up your throat more so than tumbling out. Sticky words that just need to be let out, feelings so big they don't fit inside you. Your love isn't easy, it's a true bloody mess, dripping and staining everything it touches in a desperate attempt to be seen, to be felt, to be loved back. And you, you love so hard, so deeply, so much for someone who carries all that pain. Atlas holding up the world, how are you? Is your love still flowing? Is your heart still open? Still pumping and bleeding and dripping with blood and tears? Still painting your beautiful pictures and writing your love letters in deeply personal red ink? Because I see them, I read them, I love them and you, you, you, you. Clench your chest, scream your love, cry it out. Spill your words of loving, keep your heart beating, keep your love coming and paint the entire world red with it. Make it in your image, keep going, it's okay. Maybe one day the whole world can be red and loved and beautiful just like you.

tagged by: @viikingwitch tagging: @floripire, @burningcrown, @siphoncursed, @ladyliliowa, the person reading this

[ambria]

everytime // Sirius Black

Sweetener x Marauders

play ‘everytime’ by Ariana Grande <3

pairing: sirius black x reader

word count: 2.3k ✨

warnings: angst, fluff at the end, mentions of drinking, under-age drinking, partying, depression?, mentions of drugs and drug use, someone trying to take advantage on the drunk reader, crying? Let me know if I missed something.

This also might have a few time jumps

A/N: I wrote this in 1st person but I feel like I should make these in 3rd so that’s what I’ll start doing. But this is also my first time making a one-shot fic so cut me some slack if it’s trash. But I hope you enjoy!

I get tired of your no-shows

Taking in the warmth through my fingers I look at the door once more before glancing at the clock.

He’s late. Again

I take a deep breath to cool down my nerves and sigh. I sip the rest of my butterbeer before looking at the entrance once more and packing my stuff and walking out. I look around once more before giving up and walking back to the castle.

You get tired of my control

As I’m walking back I start to get more irritated by the step. This isn’t the first time he’s done this. Always too busy to hang out because of him with his friends or too busy because of pranks. The missed dates and the interrupted times. All for his friends. I’m clearly not a priority in his life and that has to change or I’m not going to be in it.

Walking through the castle I collect my thoughts on how I’m gonna approach this situation. But since I’m so pissed off, I’m gonna take an angry approach.

I walk up to the gryffindor common room and say the password before walking in.

As I stepped into the common room, lo and behold, the marauders spread on the couches talking loudly and laughing. Seeing that made my blood boil. As I walk over I catch the attention of the brunet,

“Y/N!!!!! Hey!!!” The Potter boy called out. I gave a weak smile. Which caught the attention of my boyfriend.

“Hey, babe.” He smiled at me. I internally roll my eyes and keep an emotionless face on. At this point all the attention from the boys is on me.

“Hey. Can we talk?” In the corner of my eye I can see Remus and James glance at each other and look worriedly at Sirius. Yeah. They know better.

“Uhh. Sure. About what?” This time I rolled my eyes. I ignore his question and grab his hand before dragging him up to his dorm.

We enter and I close the door before leaning on it. He goes and sits on the foot on his bed.

“What do you want to talk about? We were in the middle of planning.” Bouncing his knee, I can tell he’s getting impatient and just wants this to hurry up and be done with this. I get even more annoyed at this.

“What do you want to talk about? We were in the middle of planning.”- I mocked him- “This is exactly what I’m talking about! You’re always busy! Doing this and doing that!” I start to raise my voice. My face starts to heat up due to my anger. I try to calm down but it doesn’t seem to be working.

He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off,

“Where were you today?! I was waiting for you! For our date that YOU literally planned!” His eyes widened with realization and looked at me with a guilty face. But I’m too pissed off to care.

My eyes start to water with tears of frustration but I’m nowhere near done,

“Everytime I want to hang out you’re always busy with your friends and pranks! You never have time for me anymore!” At this point tears are streaming down my face and Sirius doesn’t look that far behind.

“This is the third date you missed! Because you forgot! I’m done with being second best. Im probably not even that!” He has his head down, hands on his knees.

“I—I-I” he stutters out what I think is going to be some wack apology. But I’m done. I can’t do it anymore.

“No. I’m done.” As soon as I said those words his head shot up fast and looked at me with wide eyes.

“No-” he goes to protest but I cut him off again.

“No I can’t do this. Not anymore. This has gone on for too long. You need to fix your priorities. I hope you don’t treat another girl like this. I’m breaking up with you, Sirius.” I don’t wait for a reply and I simply walk out of the door and walk back down to the common room, wiping my tears.

They keep telling me to let go

As I make it to the common room I notice the boys are still there. They see me and go to talk but a loud sound cuts them off. Items getting thrown around, is what I guessed it to be.

We all freeze and guilt washes over me. It’s Sirius.

But I don’t really let go when I say so

I turn my head to the staircase with a sad expression before brushing it off.

I had to. I deserve better. I thought to myself.

I look over to the boys to see that they have worried but knowing expressions on their faces. I gave them weak smiles and walked away to my dorm.

I keep giving people blank stares

Drama travels fast around here at Hogwarts. So it wasn’t long until word got out that infamous Sirius Black was single again and back on the market.

My friends are starting to get worried about me because of my reaction to the breakup, or lack thereof. I know how to keep my emotions buried. I know it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism but I refuse to be sad over a boy who treated me like shit.

I’m so different when your not there

What they don’t know is that I cry myself to sleep. Everyday. I close my curtains around my bed and put a silencing spell around it and sob. For hours. It’s pretty sad.

But I keep my neutral face on for everyone else. From what I know Sirius isn’t doing much better. He’s just more open about his broken heart. Lily tells me he mopes around and doesn’t speak much anymore. Let alone prank anyone.

Everytime she tells me about him being sad it makes me want to run out the room and find him to cuddle with him and kiss him and apologize profusely for the break up.

But I remind myself that it’s not my fault and that I deserve better.

It’s like something out of Shakespeare

Because I’m really not here when you’re not there

I tried to fight our energy

It's been three months since the break up and I have developed some pretty bad habits.

I’ve secretly been drinking to numb the pain. I know it’s not healthy but I can’t seem to stop.

Once all my roommates are sleeping I drink by myself on my bed. It helped in the beginning but now I can’t stop.

I’ve perfected my fake smile so no one could tell the difference. Well one person did, but I was unaware.

I’m in a deep depression and I have no one to talk to. None of my friends know, I can’t tell them. They won’t understand.

Meanwhile,

“Pads, you can’t keep moping around. She’s moved on, you should too.”

“No, I can’t. I still love her.” Sirius said but due to him being face first on his pillow it came out muffled.

“Well then you’re going to have to work your way to get her back. Show her you’ve changed.” The werewolf suggested to his friend.

“Really?” He picks his head up to face his friends, red and puffy eyes with a hopeful expression.

They nod.

But everytime I think I’m free

As the weeks pass I start to receive notes and letters with little flowers attached to them. I know they are from Sirius but I can’t seem to open them and read. It’s too hard and I’m not ready yet.

You get high and call on the regular

Once I reach my empty dorm I run to my trunk and collect all the saved letters. I place them on my bed and chuck my shoes off before climbing on my bed while getting comfortable.

I sort the letter from how I received them. I slowly open the first one,

Dear y/n,

Looking at us now I regret a lot of things.

I don’t blame you for not seeing us together in the future.

I was horrible, but for you I am willing to change. No. I will change.

You deserve so much better and if you let me I could be that person.

But I have to fix myself in order for that to happen.

If you're willing I would love to have another chance.

forever yours,

Sirius

As I finish reading my eyes are cloudy with tears. I continue to read all of the letters.

And by the end of it I’m sobbing.

I get weak and fall like a teenager

I knew it was a bad idea to read those letters. Because after that I am ready to run back into his arms and express my love. But I can’t until I know that he’s changed.

I deserve better. I keep telling myself that.

Why, oh why does God keep bringing me back to you?

Everytime I see him now I try to avoid him. Everytime he’s in a room, I leave. Everytime class is over I run out before he gets the chance to talk to me.

Because I know if I take one look into his beautiful stormy gray eyes I will fall all over again. And that can’t happen.

I deserve better.

I get drunk, pretend that I’m over it

It’s Friday night and today is the big Gryffindor party. Being stressed with liquor and drugs is not a good combo but I haven’t been safe these past couple of months.

I’m in my dorm room getting ready. I decide on a natural glam look with a bold red lip and a black satin body con dress with some black heels.

As I’m walking down the stairs, I can hear the music blasting and the red led lights are turned on. I part from my friends and immediately head to the liquor table. As I’m walking I fail to notice the pair of eyes following my every move.

I take a plastic red cup and I fill it up with the hardest liquor I could find on the table. After downing the cup I refill it and make my way over to my friends who are currently in the corner smoking what the muggles call ‘weed’. It’s strong but it helps me relax. Who knew muggle were so helpful.

Self-destruct, show up like an idiot

About an hour into the party everyone was either high, drunk or both. Which I was. Again me with my unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I ended up dancing in the middle of the room with a huge group of people. I feel eyes on me but I’m too drunk to care at the moment.

As I’m dancing I feel someone come up behind me and grab my hips. I turn around to see a random 7th year boy. He begins to trail his hands on my body.

He leans down to whisper in my ear,

“How about we go to my down, sweetheart?” His hot breath makes a shiver run down my spine, and not in a good way.

I began to shake my head while saying no but he clearly didn’t get the message because he gripped my wrists and tried to pull me with him. But because I was too drunk I couldn’t defend myself properly.

As I continue to struggle I see a person step in front of me, glaring at the boy,

“I suggest you let her go. Now.” I heard a familiar voice, I couldn’t tell who from my drunken state. Once the person turned around a smile involuntarily appeared on my face,

“Siri! Hi!” I giggled as he guided me away from everyone.

“Hi. Let’s get you somewhere safe.” He picks me up bridal style and starts to carry me up to the boys dorms and to his room.

I yawned and cuddled up into his chest,

“I’m still mad at you.” I mumbled. He set me down on his bed and goes to his trunk to take out some clothes,

“I know.” He said, sadly. As he’s helping me I go on a mini rant,

“You know you treated me horrible. I just wanted my boyfriend but you never made time for me. You missed dates, you cancelled on me a lot. And whenever we had time together alone you had to leave early. I just wanted you to give me your love and attention. But I was never a priority. I miss you so much, Siri.” After he tucks me into his bed he kisses my forehead and responds,

“I miss you too, baby.” He goes to walk away but I grab his hand. Which makes him turn around and give me a questioning look,

“Please stay.” I pout. He smiles and climbs into the bed with me. I turn to look at him,

“Cuddles?” I ask him with puppy eyes.

“Cuddles.” I snuggle up next to him with my head on his chest and my legs bunched up with his. He puts his chin on top of my head and begins to play with my hair.

“You know, I still love you. And I’m willing to give you a second chance, Siri.” I can’t see him but I can tell he has a huge grin on his face.

“I love you too, pup. Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.” I start to drift off but before I do fully I feel him kiss my forehead again and whisper ‘I love you’ one last time before the darkness engulfed me.

Why, oh why does God keep bringing me back to you?

****

Taglist: @blackpinkdolan

If you want to be added to my taglist for this series message me or comment under the post.

[redruffs]

brace yourself it's a long q&a

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? •I can't remember where I put something and I'm just- 2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? •Not really 3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? •Probably not . I don't think it's something I'd ever want to do, but if they're happy and not addicted or relying, I really don't mind. 4: Do you find it easy to trust others? •It just depends on the person, I guess. I think everyone is wonderful and good and worthy of trust until proven otherwise. 5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? •Watching Harry Potter :P 6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? •Probably no one, I do a lot of things alone. 7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? •I take things like that pretty hard. Not because of I was hurt, but because my trust was broken and that's what hurts the most. 8: Are you close with your dad? •Absolutely not. He left when I was 10 after CPS was called on his wife for continued child abuse, and we've spoken once since and he doesn't care to contact/acknowledge me. 9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? •Nope. 10: What are you listening to? •'Glass Bead' by GFriend. A bop. 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? •tea! 12: Do you like hickeys? •I've never had one so I guess I don't have a personal opinion. 13: What time do you go to bed? •11-1ish 14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? •Yeah. 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? •Oh gosh, no. I'm a mess with one hand. 16: Do you always answer your texts? •I try to!! 17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? •No not at all! She's still one of my favorite things in life and I love her dearly. 18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? •Last night we talked about pooping. (: 19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? •Yes!! 20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? • 'what if teddy was a werewolf' 21: Is anyone else in the room with you? •my dog! 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? •holy avacados yes 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? •I think I'm happier now. 24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? •Oh, definitely. 25: In the past week, have you cried? •YEP LAST NIGHT. I saw this cosplay gif set of Teddy/Nymphadora/Remus Lupin and it seriously made me shut down for about ten minutes. 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Black :P 27: Do people ever call you by your last name? •No? 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? •yes and it hurts like hell. 29: Do you have a best friend? •yeah! they both live in different states though. 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? •I've never kissed anyone, so. 31: Who was your last call/text message from? • I think it was from @efrabbit ! i haven't read it yet oops ily 32: Are you mad at anyone? •Not really, there's no use. 33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? • ^^ 34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? • ^^^^ why do these all include kissing 35: How many more days until your birthday? •69 days! (oh god.) (may 8th btw) 36: Do you have any summer plans yet? •I think I have summerschool bc I failed the first semester of biology, but I don't usually do much in the summer besides read and watch movies haha. 37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? •Woah, not really. Gotta fix that 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? •I don't think so? 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? •Not really? I'm pretty open with my friends. 40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? •stOP 41: Do you think age matters in relationships? •I mean,,, okay, if it's like a 14 y/o with a 20 y/o or something like that, I think that's not great, just because of maturity. But otherwise no, not really. 42: Are you available? •No, I'm out of stock. Sorry. :P idek 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? •Still in it, but one?? 44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? •I want the side of my nose pierced so bad. 45: Do you believe exes can be friends? •Yeah! I'm seriously really good friends with two of them. You had stuff in common for a reason. :) 46: Do you regret anything? • "Never regret anything, because at one point it was exactly what you wanted." I've lived firmly on that for a long time. 47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? • TONKS ! DESERVED ! BETTER ! 48: Did you ever lose a best friend? •Actually yes, and it hurts me really often that I lost her. But I'm glad she's happy. 49: Was your last kiss a mistake? • ): 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? • She lives elsewhere, but that's going to change one day. 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? • no but all these kiss questions will make me cry 52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? • OH COME ON 53: What was the last thing you ate? • I had an egg roll 54: Did you get any compliments today? • I don't think so? maybe today has been fuzzy, I've been super sleepy for some reason. 55: Where are you going on your next vacation? • I think Austin for my cousin's awards 56: Do you own anything from other countries? • YEAH. I own so much kpop stuff, some other Korean items, stuff from Mexico I got on cruises, and whatnot (: 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? •girls! 58: Where have you lived most of your life? • I have only ever lived in this kinda smallish town in Texas. 59: When was the last time you took a long drive? •Last weekend! My mom and I drove a few hours to a super small town to go shopping and to go to like four Bucky's :P it was fun ! 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? •no & no thank you 61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? • Oh gosh no I could never 62: Who do you text the most? •My two really good friends :) 63: What was the last movie you saw? •I watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban this morning! It's my favorite along with GOF. 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? • I'm single lmao. 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? • Probably one or two power rangers, since I was like, nine. 66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? • im- 67: Do you curse around your parents? • Sometimes? but it's like the not terrible ones 68: Are you happy with where you live? •House-wise? No, not really. We've never had a house of our own or anything that wasn't an apartment, and I'd like to get a house someday. 69: Picture of yourself? • um... ugly. 70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? •mono 71: Have you ever been dumped? • No 72: What do you most like about making out? •I'm actually going to cry why me 73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? • stop. 74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? • B y e 75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? •their soul yall. 76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? • my best friend <3 77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? • virginvirginvirgin 78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? • goodbye 79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? • her 80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? •yeah ofc! 81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? • yeah 82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? • it depends 83: Do you miss your last sweetie? • I read that as sweet and looked over at the lollipop stick so yes I want it back 84: Last time you slow danced with someone? •I haven't 85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? •yeah lmao oh gosh 86: How can I win your heart? • Tell me a cheesy Harry Potter pickup line and you're golden 87: What is your astrological sign? • I'm a Taurus! 88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? •sleeping 89: Do you cook? • yeah!! 90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? • Yes. She contacted me again and we've been just as close as we were ever since and I love her so much. 91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? • Only of it was with someone particular. Otherwise no. 92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? •Not really sure? 93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? • honestly I really don't nitpick like that, it just depends on who the person is. 94: Name four things that you wish you had! •confidence, •a freaking brown mascara, a skirt for this thingy, and my Hogwarts letter than is reasonably late, but it's okay, I'm patient. 95: Are you a player? •no 96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? •no 97: Are you a tease? •I mean no not really ? 98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? •nope 99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? •yepyep 100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? •myself because I'm great stop sleeping on me, world 101: Hugs or Kisses? •hugs. hugs are amazing. 102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? •No, I'm really not 103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? • I always notice how tall someone is 104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? •I guess 105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? • no ! no ! no !!!! that would break an innocent person's heart over my own shitty lust and that's not okay, I could never 106: Do you flirt a lot? •I think sometimes how I talk to people comes off as flirting but I'm really not trying to flirt 107: Your last kiss? • ((': 108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? • I hate this 109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? • naiwjwosjsjshwk 110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? • nymphadora tonks. I would kiss her on head and promise that I'll always fight for her. 111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? • nah 112: Does someone like you currently? •yes? 113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? •yes 114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? •serious shit man 115: Ever made out with just a friend? • take a wild guess 116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? • I'm not really sure tbh 117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.