#a lot of previous animal knowledge comes from spending too many years reading animal-focused books

[chloefraazers]

Can I ask why you chose what animals you did? A lot make sense but some are surprising! Fitting but not ones I ever would have thought of? Like a crocodile for Zo, I never would have connected that.

i apologise in advance because this isn’t going to be a short answer

so tumblr cut off my tags which basically said some were based on symbolism/mythology, some based on behavioural characteristics, some just vibes. for a more detailed breakdown…

please note that i googled and googled and googled, all the stats i pulled are searchable.

also many of these were brainstormed with cor ( @thunderjawsandlightning ) as it’s a similar concept to her dæmon au fic in the works!

aloy

overall for aloy i really wanted to lean into how npcs who’ve never met her typically recognise her: her red hair. it was important that all of her morphs have that attribute in some way.

ethiopian wolf: an extremely rare wolf that lives in packs of six or more. social, but typically hunts alone. i liked these commonalities with aloy. plus, their beauty and rarity made them my top pick.

red kite: gonna be honest and say this one was a vibe. the red kite was actually suggested by arbee on twitter for beta, but the second i saw it, it screamed aloy.

red fox: i could talk about foxes in mythology being perceived as clever but really… it’s hard to picture anything else.

nil

timber wolf: while nil has a bit of a “lone wolf” lifestyle in hzd, he always calls aloy his partner, and lives among machine racers in hfw. he is a social guy, he’s just… weird. the thing about a wolf morph for nil is that his primary weapon would be his teeth (and we know he’s got a thing for teeth); it forces him to get up close to his enemy in a way personal and intimate to understand the impact of death, and truly respect it. other than fighting style, wolves are social, have a playful nature in their family groups, and are monogamous.

harris’ hawk: i debated over this guy or the bearded vulture, because it dyes its feathers red. but i went with the hawk because they have a unique hunting pattern for birds of prey: they hunt socially. this just really fit with his partnership with aloy in hzd.

jackdaw: i debated over this for a LONG time. ultimately i went with the jackdaw for… a multitude of reasons. firstly, i like that his face looks like a mask. mainly, i was drawn to their intelligence and the fact that they can read facial expressions, even communicate with eye contact (dry yearn, anyone?). they’ve also been predictors of rain or omens of death, which again fit the bandit camps. (i’m also tickled by the edward kenway connection because i love a morally grey antihero on a redemption arc.)

seyka

most of seyka’s were based on a cuteness factor, because she has such a sweet face and i wanted her morphs to emulate that.

clouded leopard: this one i knew off the bat. seyka has a feline presence and grace, but also fits the “cute but deadly” category.

swallow-tailed kite: honestly i had never heard of this bird until i researched, but knew it was seyka’s. they live largely around water, but was sold me was the tail: it looks just like seyka’s cape. sure, that’s supposed to remind us of a fish, but a lot of people still call them “fairy wings.”

asian small-clawed otter: i was considering some kind of pinniped for seyka when cor suggested otters. one quick search later and i found the one that just gives “seyka” with its face.

erend

grizzly bear: i’m not the first to think of “bearend,” but really, i can’t think of something more fitting. a grizzly bear is raw physical power, something erend uses in a fight already. and yet it’s shaped so much like a friend that you just want to hug it.

stellar’s sea eagle: i wanted something big for erend, but i wanted something with a bit of flash to it, and something that wasn’t “obvious.” besides, i already had the golden eagle picked for petra, and it didn’t feel “erend” anyway. these birds are huge, but graceful—maybe erend doesn’t feel like he is, but he’s good enough in a fight and surefooted.

leonberger: i knew his personal form was some kind of dog just based on their behavioural traits (loyalty, eagerness to please, protectiveness, etc.) and the leonberger just has an erend look. they have all the erend traits too.

talanah

caracal: i knew i wanted some kind of desert cat, and the caracal just gives talanah vibes. stealthy, graceful, expert hunter, not the biggest wild cat out there… and those ear tufts. they remind me of her headpiece, which is just adorable.

red-tailed hawk: this is one of my absolute favourite birds of prey (thanks to the original animorphs series) and i knew instantly it was talanah’s. they also like the desert climate, but if i’m being honest, this choice is favouritism.

chital deer: deer have long represented majesty. they’re beautiful animals, and in a lot of stories, they’re symbols of hope and change. i got a vibe that talanah’s deer had spots, did a quick search, and saw the chital. funny enough, i almost went in a totally different direction thanks to self doubt, but when @/kelsochronicles also suggested chital deer… that’s fate lmao.

kotallo

snow leopard: this is a no-brainer. aside from noshir himself saying he based kotallo’s movements on being cat-like, there’s more than one comic floating around depicting him with a snow leopard. the vibe is just there.

eurasian eagle owl: i wanted some kind of owl for kotallo, but snowy was too on the nose. i like eagle owls: they’re massive, and these guys like to puff themselves up to appear even bigger. cor and i tossed a few different ones back and forth before we chose this one. their markings remind me a lot of his tattoo and paint, so it was also very much an aesthetic choice.

markhor: this one was so neat. in our brainstorming, cor and i felt some kind of goat for him. i remembered markhors and looked them up, and was not disappointed. the first thing i saw was that they’re prey of snow leopards, so i liked the idea of kotallo having conflicting parts of himself, kind of reflective of his hfw journey. a quick google showed they symbolise resilience and determination, and they are also known as snake-killers—which so fits with fist option for wings of the ten and him killing regalla, since i do see at least one of her morphs as a snake of some kind.

alva

komodo dragon: there is so much more to alva than meets the eye. she goes through the entire greenhouse mission with aloy knowing she’s the exact image of elisabet sobeck, but says nothing until she has to. komodo dragons, at first glance, may look like just a big lizard, no big deal—but they can, and will, fuck you up. i feel like alva’s morph fighting style would suit: close to the ground, almost unassuming, but quick and deadly and smart, using venom to kill instead of just sheer strength.

short-eared owl: alva was always an owl of some sort. cor suggested short-eared, and they are frickin adorable. cutest face, they almost look like they have lashes. the banding around their faces is almost suggestive of alva’s focus, which is a vibe.

tent bat: they’re cute as fuck. that’s it. they’re fuckin adorable. i want 100 like i want 100 alvas.

drakka

african painted dog: the first one i knew for sure. this was always drakka’s. their sense of pack, of community, and their whole look just gives desert clan.

sharp-shinned hawk: this was suggested by darby, because of the pattern of chest feathers resembling desert clan paint. honestly it’s such a vibe, purely aesthetic but so fits.

texas horned lizard: another darby suggestion, but the spikes! drakka is such a spiky boy, his personal morph also needs to be. adorable to look at, but covered in a layer of defence.

petra

spotted hyena: for some reason, hyena was the first animal i thought of for petra, and it just clicked. extremely adaptable, opportunists, and one hell of a bite force. they also have an alpha female as a leader. like. that’s petra.

golden eagle: there’s a lot to be said about symbolism of eagles, especially in north america. i don’t want to go too deep into it, but mythology aside, these eagles are notably intelligent. petra is one of the top inventors we know of in horizon. seemed fitting.

moose: this was actually suggested by @/kittleskittle as a battle form, but the more i thought on it, the more it suited petra on a personal level. they’re strong and adaptable, and while they look calm and graceful, they can definitely fuck you up if you try shit.

varl

african elephant: there is a LOT of mythology around elephants, particularly in representing wisdom and loyalty. those fit varl to a t. they’re emotional animals, very smart, and have tight family bonds. elephants also have a matriarchal culture, and for a nora like varl, that fits.

great black hawk: cor suggested this one as well. these hawks have been known to travel extreme distances outside their normal habitat—and varl chased aloy for six months far, far from home. fit the guy.

red deer: again, this one is mainly vibes. i wanted some kind of stag for varl’s personal form, and i have always loved the regalness of red deer. this choice was definitely a vibe more than anything else.

zo

saltwater crocodile: the symbolism of (nile) crocodiles and fertility just made this stick, but i went with the saltie partially due to personal preference. another atypical fighter, low to the ground, and maybe a person would see a croc and think they either have to outrun it or just trap its jaws shut—but make one mistake and she’s got you.

osprey: i wanted to lean into the maternal side for this one, and osprey are notorious for defending their nests and young.

northern cardinal: this one was unexpected but delightful. mythology all over the world symbolises them with resurrection, as well as communication with the spiritual world. as a gravesinger, this fits zo so well.

beta

bobcat: i knew i wanted something small for beta, but something lithe and sleek. she holds herself so differently from aloy. they can sometimes symbolise things that are hidden, and old wisdom. i really liked that for beta, and i liked that this form is one that’s small, almost unassuming.

striated caracara: the most intelligent birds of prey, able to figure out puzzles almost on par with parrots. i knew beta’s bird wouldn’t be big, but a kestrel didn’t feel right. i wanted it to be wicked intelligent, and that search led me here. their slightly reddish colouring doesn’t hurt either.

pine marten: cor had suggested some kind of weasel, and i believe arbee on twitter suggested a pine marten as a battle form. really, it fits her personal form a lot. they are associated with luck, and are curious animals, and those both fit beta. she needed to be a bit lucky to escape the zeniths, even with her plan, and any clone of elisabet would have to be curious.

i. hope that was uh. not disappointing

[vanderlindemorgans]

Cross My Heart (Chapter 3)

Pairing: Agent Whiskey x Reader

Rating: Explicit/18+

Summary: A traitorous Agent Whiskey returns to the United States on the run. Being cast out by Statesman, he soon finds that you’re the only person he can turn to - the embittered former flame from years long passed

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings: Eventual smut, some references to alcoholism and drug use. Reader is in her late twenties but there is an age gap between her and Whiskey. Chapter specific warnings: none really but the reader is a tsundere, and there’s some vague awful knowledge on how horse ranches operate. 

Read on AO3 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

The next two weeks were about as awkward as one would expect them to be. Even without their already tense history with each other, it wouldn’t exactly be a situation that would be any easier to adjust to. For god's sake, he was hiding out in Texas and was wanted for treason against his former organisation. What about that was supposed to be easy for him?

The two of you had largely avoided each other during this time, sometimes even barely seeing each other during the day. For the first couple of days, Jack had spent most of his time upstairs at your insistence, in order to properly let his wounds heal. No matter how much he protested against you, you weren’t having a single second of his nonsense and told him rather firmly that it was for his own good to stay up there. Those were the days where he’d found himself utterly bored out of his brain - there were only so many books that were kept in that little guest bedroom, and even though the thought had crossed his mind a few times he’d already swore to you he wouldn’t go poking through the closets for anything.

When you’d finally deemed him in good enough shape to help around the ranch, then things had gotten better. Or at least, they’d gotten less boring. No matter what a part of his mind instinctually lingered on Statesman, whether that be on how so many years of loyalty to the organisation ended in a crashing blaze or how long he would have before they were able to track him down. He didn’t give himself much time on the run - a few months maximum if he was lucky before they inevitably caught onto him one way or another. Sometimes he wondered what the point of running even was if he believed so thoroughly that Statesman would catch up to him. The only answer he could ever give for himself to that was four simple words: I have to try. It may be a longshot, he may spend the rest of his life evading his former agency at every turn but goddamn he had to at least try to get away from it all. The things he’d done in Cambodia, the threat of death ever looming over him. He’d gotten lucky once escaping with his life, so who’s to say that couldn’t happen again? 

Stealing a brief glance over to where you were only metres away from him, cleaning out one of the older horses stalls, he couldn’t help but wonder about you. There was no doubt in his mind that you loathed him for what he did, and rightfully so he had to admit. The few words you had exchanged with each other during this time were terse and brief, and were mainly condensed to matters with looking after the animals or mundane things like asking where the keys were. Even from the start your demeanour hadn’t been remarkably bright, which in a way struck him as odd. You certainly weren’t the same girl he remembered dating years ago. Jack never expected you to be happy at his return into your life but there was something more too - even when you weren’t around him, when you were putting on a happy face for the different guests and customers something was missing still. When Jack had first met you, you were still only in college, and while on the surface you had that same snark that he found himself loving more and more about you with every time you’d spoken, there was also a sense of innocence there. He remembered how your moral code was always focused on doing the right thing, how you wanted to believe that deep down everyone had some good in them. It was something he’d admired about you - even back then he was jaded by the world, having witnessed so much wickedness firsthand both through his position at Statesman and from his own life before that. Some would call you naive for having that much faith in humanity, but he’d found it endlessly endearing. 

He wasn’t inclined to say that you no longer believed in doing what’s right - you had taken him in when there was nowhere else to turn. But that brightness in your eyes, the unwavering trust you’d always been willing to give. That was what was gone, extinguished like it was never even there to begin with. He had to wonder if he was largely responsible for this change, if the reason you’d become so passingly apathetic and distrustful was because of his actions. Most likely that was the case, and from what you’d said a couple of weeks back about your parents passing away it was no wonder you were no longer that spunky wide-eyed girl from Texas, that you had become so sullen and moody. A lot had clearly happened in those seven years of silence, and for that he felt truly remorseful for how he’d hurt you.

You hadn’t mentioned that night so far, so a part of Jack felt willing to leave things as is and only focus on being as little of a hassle to you as possible during this time. If you mention the breakup you run the risk of making things worse, he reasoned with himself. As much as he wanted to apologise, explain himself a little bit, he knew that you were never going to believe a word he said. You believed him to be nothing more than a lying son of a bitch who was only interested in the thrill of the chase and not ever after anything truly committed. He could still hear those cutting remarks slip from your lips as if it were only yesterday. “You know what you are? You’re a fucking liar, Jack Daniels. What happened to forever and always? Or did you forget that?”. 

“Hey, Jack, there should be a new delivery of fresh hay coming through for the horses in the next couple of minutes. Do me a favour and go greet them for me, will ya?” he heard your voice ring out, interrupting his train of thought and bringing him back to reality. “Sure thing, darlin’” he nodded, setting aside the bag of grain he’d been giving each of the horses and stepping aside over towards the stables entrances, only just missing the hasty look you shot him out the corner of his eye.

___

You didn’t know what had come over you. All morning you had been distracted by him, your eyes wandering over to where he was feeding the horses, running his hand across their manes and giving them a gentle pet. Jack had always been great with animals, something the both of you had in common. Rolling your eyes to yourself, you continued to direct your focus on raking out all manner of gunk and mess from the stalls, somewhat annoyed to even be reminiscing on such long forgotten things. Normally you were level headed and focused but ever since Jack had appeared back in your life out of the blue things had gotten a tad stranger for you. It didn’t surprise you in the least that his presence in your house ignited old memories, coaxing out both the bitter and bright from their place dormant at the back of your mind. The two of you had barely said a word to each other in those two weeks and yet here you were, being plagued by ghosts of the past. You wondered if Jack felt the same way, if he could also feel the awkward tension ripe between you. In your opinion, you’d have to be an idiot not to notice.

It didn’t make sense to you. You’d thought you’d long since moved on from the pain he’d caused you, focusing on maintaining a steady rhythm and pace in your own life and being far too busy with the ranch to even let your thoughts wander to your ex-boyfriend. With him around though, it was bringing everything back, almost as if none of it had ever left in the first place. Safe to say, all of it made you more than a bit agitated

But you couldn’t have just left him out there to fend for himself. No, you weren’t heartless, and taking him in was the right thing to do. You could handle the irritating flashbacks and echoes as long as it meant he was safe and alive. And besides, this was only temporary. He’d no doubt find somewhere else to jet off to in a matter of weeks and leave you to return back to your normal routine. It was odd having someone else in the house anyway, after spending so many years alone. Suddenly you had to be considerate for someone else, integrating them into your own routine, your way of life.

And, truth be told, a small part of you didn’t mind the company one bit. Not that you’d ever say that outloud of course. No, you’d rather kill yourself before admitting to anyone, lest Jack himself, that you actually liked having someone else around. Even if words exchanged were few and far between, there was an element of comfort to having someone stay with you. Though you largely chalked this small feeling up to spending too long in solitude. 

Another thing that had taken you by surprise was Jack’s behaviour. You’d fully expected to have to once again deal with his antics, the annoying and frustratingly devilish charm he exuded in every quick witted remark, that smirk of his you’d come to know so well that once upon a time was enough to make you bend to him, and you’d prepared yourself the best you could to combat him back. You were determined to not let him get under your skin and not be taken in by his charm: you knew better now. Strange as it was though, none of that ever ended up coming to pass. In the few interactions you did have with each other a day, Jack was being mostly polite and keeping to himself. Sure, there were a few banter-like comments sprinkled here and there, this was Jack Daniels after all, but they were few and far between. He still hadn’t told you the finer details of what had happened between him and those other agents but it must have been enough to knock him down a few pegs in the ego department judging by his demeanour. That, or he felt the stifling awkwardness between you two and felt it best to dial himself back a bit. Maybe it was a mix of both. You really couldn’t say for sure though. 

Shaking your head, you shifted focus back on to the list of tasks you needed to get through that day before the ranch opened for business. It was around seven in the morning, and opening hours were from eight-thirty to six, and it was a Wednesday so business was moderate. You had a couple of kids booked for riding lessons later on as well as some people coming to rent out specific horses for rides, plus a doctor coming to look at one of the pregnant mares for a checkup. Not exactly what you would call a hectic day but still not a walk in the park either. You also had a couple of deliveries coming in that day, speaking of which, you remembered, one was scheduled to arrive in only a few moments.

You shouted out for Jack to go meet with the delivery guy, and you watched him as he sauntered out of the stables in search of the van, your eyes catching a glimpse of that ridiculous oversized belt buckle of his as it glinted in the early morning light. There were some things about that man you just never understood, his affinity for that tacky buckle being one of them. 

You turned your attention back to your current task of cleaning out the horses stalls. Years ago when you were a young kid you’d turned up your nose at the idea of having to shove around manure and urine soaked hay twice a day, though years passed and you barely even noticed or cared about the grossness of the stench. Shoving the last bits of hay into a large plastic garbage bag, you turned back over to where the old mare was standing in the corner, looking disinterested as usual and blew on a stray strand of hair that had fallen into your eyes. “Looks like I’m all done here, Jack should be back with the hay for you in a moment” you mused, to which the animal in question lightly grunted back at you, as if it could understand exactly what you’d just said.

“Yeah, yeah, I know old girl. Just sit tight, ok?” you replied, stepping out of the stall and dragging the gate behind you, clearing the latch click just as Jack walked back in with an armful of hay bales. “I got the guy unloading the rest from his van, this should last ya a little over two weeks” he informed you, eliciting a general nod in his direction as a reply. “Good, that’s what I was hoping for. Just put it over by the door and I’ll sort it out in a bit” you instructed, looking down at your wristwatch for the time. 7:40 am - perfectly on schedule. The rest of your employees would be arriving soon, so tasks would be able to be knocked out faster too. 

The low sound of a yawn pulled you from your thoughts as you looked up over to where Jack was stacking the bales of hay, lightly rubbing a hand over his face. “Tired are we, Jack?” you commented, raising your brow slightly at him. 

“A little” he admitted. “Forgot to make myself a coffee this mornin’, and truth be told I didn’t get the best sleep last night”. 

“Is everything alright up there? I’d hate for you to be uncomfortable” you said, a little bit of sarcasm working its way into your tone. You just couldn’t help it, and in your mind, he well deserved every little lick of ire you could throw his way. 

“Everythings perfect, darlin’, I’m just...my mind tends to wander late at night. Things to do with Statesman and such, nothin’ for you to really be concerned about” he dismissed, shifting on his heel towards where the delivery man was bringing in the last of the stock he’d brought over. You didn’t move a single step, instead watching him thank the man and take the supplies off him, a small feeling of sympathy sparking that you quickly shrugged off like it was nothing. People dealt with insomnia all the time, you reasoned. And he said himself that it was nothing to worry about so that was that.

Neither of you said a word for the next couple of minutes, yet some part of the conversation was still at the back of your mind. You didn’t understand why - it was a pretty mundane exchange of words overall however you couldn’t help but still feel you needed to say something more.

“Sometimes I find it hard to sleep too. Usually that’s when I get up and go get a book or something. Anything that works as a distraction to whatever's on my mind” you found yourself saying out of nowhere. You could feel Jack glance over at you but you didn’t meet his gaze, keeping your own eyes trained down on the floor that you were sweeping. “I’ll have to keep that in mind then” you heard him say in response, to which you acknowledged him with a small nod and a slight side glance. In an instant afterwards, you minorly chastised yourself for saying something so stupid and random to him. Great, now you’ve made it even more awkward. You should have just kept your mouth shut. Even still, it was hard to miss that sweet look in Jack’s eyes when he’d replied back, when your eyes had met briefly for that small moment.

___

The loud sound of incessant beeping awoke you from your deep slumber, the noise becoming more and more grating with each second that passed. Mumbling under your breath you reached your hand out from underneath the sheets to flick the alarm off, your eyes only just beginning to adjust to the room around you as the last remnants of your dream melted away into nothing, being replaced by the stark wooden panelling of the walls and the feeling of textured quilt on the edge of your feet. There was barely any light in the room as the sun hadn’t come up yet, and wouldn’t rise for another fifteen minutes or so, leaving your vision time to adjust to the world around you as you rose up in bed and sighed.

Every morning it seemed you told yourself that you needed a vacation, a couple of days off to get away from it all and kick back a little. Sometimes you’d indulge yourself in the thought - taking a plane off to somewhere and not coming back for a couple of weeks. You never actually did it though, not due to a lack of finances but moreso that you didn’t even know what you’d do with yourself with all that time. As much as ranch work dragged on some days, the methodical nature of it kept you grounded and focused. What the hell were you supposed to do without it?

Shuffling off to the edge of the bed, you fumbled around for a pair of socks in your bedside drawer and slipped them onto your feet, your mind starting to wander off to that ever present list of tasks and chores you kept for yourself. The harder you thought on it, the more muddled your brain seemed to get. Leave the to-do list for after you’ve had coffee.

Your body was practically on autopilot as you moved out into the hallway and down the stairs, wanting to hurry to get that invigorating rush that caffeine gave you. The actual taste of the drink you were never totally partial to, truth be told: drinking it had more to do with the fact it woke you up and made you feel less like wanting to die every early morning. No matter how many years passed or long you kept doing this for, you just never became a morning person.

You didn’t notice it at first when you’d reached for two mugs instead of one out of the cupboard, only really caring about attempting to make yourself a coffee as fast as possible that hopefully wasn’t totally shitty in quality. You didn’t notice when you loaded up the espresso machine that you put enough coffee in for two instead of one, or when you put in extra milk in the frother. Really, it only had come to your attention that you’d done any of those things when you suddenly stared back at the kitchen counter and noticed two full mugs of coffee instead of one.

Staring back and forth between the two, you felt your brow crease while you moved your hand up to your neck, lightly rubbing on the back. Huh. Guess I must be really spaced this morning if I made two. As if on cue, you started to hear the sounds of Jack stirring upstairs, and without a second thought you grabbed both mugs in your hand and glided over towards the kitchen table, setting them both down and taking a seat in one of the well worn chairs.

“Hey. I made two by accident. You can have the other one I guess” you announced while watching him transcend down the stairs, gesturing vaguely over towards the other mug. You saw Jack glance up at you, his mussed hair and semi-dazed expression showing that he was probably half asleep still. He hadn’t bothered to dress himself yet, wearing the tight fitting white t-shirt you’d managed to fish out from a back cupboard somewhere and a pair of equally plain pajama pants. He looked...good, somehow, though you weren’t about to say that outloud. You could only imagine the smug self-satisfied smirk that type of remark would garner. 

He slowly walked up towards the table and gently scooped up the mug in his hand, running his thumb over the edge lightly. “Accident, huh? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were starting to warm up to me a little” he teased. You rolled your eyes back at him and took another sip of coffee. “Oh, shut up”.

[moonyswolfie]

Love story

So I had an idea, but then I started writing it and it divided in two parts (though they could be read as two completely separate fics as well). 

Remus Lupin x Ravenclaw!reader

Summary: You and Remus have been best friends since first year, but over the years, your feelings for each other change. 

Warnings: none I think, just pure fluff

During your Hogwarts years, you befriended the infamous group known as the Marauders. You met on the train ride to the school and since then you have been inseparable, spending every free moment together.

You were sorted into Ravenclaw, while they all got Gryffindor so your schedules didn’t always match, and yet you made it work. They were your best friends and you loved them to bits, just as they did in return, but there was one you always viewed as much more than a friend: Remus Lupin, the boy who shared your love of books and chocolate, of knowledge and learning.

Your love story started just the same as many others. You were friends at first, and nothing more. You trusted each other and told each other everything, yet you had figured out his lycanthropy on your own in your second year. You wondered if you should confront him about it, but decided against it. You didn’t want to push him away, as you’ve noticed how ashamed he is of his scars.

That broke your heart. You wanted to tell him that he wasn’t alone and he shouldn’t be embarrassed of who he is or how he looks like, that you won’t run away the second you learn the truth. You kept quiet though, and let him come to you when he was ready to share.

Third year came around and you found yourself admiring how much Remus had changed over the summer. You started thinking about him more and more, until one day it downed on you. You had feelings for the young werewolf.

Your third year at Hogwarts was also when he finally opened up to you about his condition. He had been nervous to tell you and his voice shook as he spoke, but you never rushed him, instead waiting patiently for him to finish his speech before pulling him into the tightest hug he ever received. That was the day Remus Lupin knew he was in love with you. You spent your third year and the first term of your fourth tip-toeing around your feelings for each other, the both of you too shy to make the first move and the rest of the boys had had enough. They were going to get you and Remus together, one way or another.

It was also in fourth year that you found out about their desire to become Animagi to help out their best friend on full moons and their research on the subject.

“I want in.” you stated one evening in the library, startling them. They were so engrossed in the books they found that they didn’t hear you coming up behind them.

“Y/N, I don’t think -“ Sirius started, but you interrupted him mid-sentence.

“I want in. Now either we do this together, or I’ll find out how on my own. Either way, I’m doing it.” you said firmly.

“Y/N, it could be really dangerous. There are tons of risks, such as being stuck as an animal forever, or even getting stuck mid-transformation if something goes wrong.” Sirius tried again.

“You’re doing it.” you retorted. “You’re all doing it, consequences be damned. So why shouldn’t I?” you asked calmly.

“You’re right.” James replied, surprising Peter and Sirius. “Welcome to the club, Y/N.”

You spent the better part of the second term and the summer break perfecting your plan and finally, by the end of August, everything was ready. You met with the boys at James’ house on the last day of August and drank the potion together.

The first one to transform was James and the place he previously occupied was now taken by a beautiful and mighty stag who, a second later, stumbled and fell like a baby deer who attempted to stand on its legs for the first time.

You and Sirius burst out laughing at the sight, to which James just scoffed and turned his back to you.

Next was Sirius, and, after muttering the incantation, he got smaller and smaller until a black, shaggy dog took his place. He was really adorable and it certainly suited him. He’s always been loyal to a fault.

Peter followed and he turned into a rat, which took you all by surprise. He was very, very small and you had no idea how much help could he be against a werewolf. That’s when you started to get nervous. What if your animal form is going to be something small and useless?

The rest of the boys turned back to their human selves and looked at you. It was now or never.

“I bet she’ll turn into something cute, maybe a bunny?” Sirius snickered, addressing James.

“Or maybe a little bird that Remus can carry on his shoulder.” James replied.

“Or swallow whole.” added Peter.

That was it. You pointed the tip of your wand to your heart and focused.

“Amato Animo Animato Animagus.”

All of a sudden, you were shrinking. Panic took over your now changing body until you stood on four legs, looking up at the shocked faces of the Marauders.

You looked down and noticed a pair of white, dog-like paws and you calmed down. You were not a bunny, nor a bird. You were capable of helping Remus when he transformed. You were thrilled.

You turned back to your human self, smirking at the boys when you faced them again.

“A bunny, huh?” you mocked Sirius’ previous words.

“Damn, Y/N. A She-Wolf?” James breathed out amazed.

Your expression changed from victorious to confused. A She-Wolf?

“I’m a wolf?” you asked, taken aback.

“And a really beautiful one at that. You’re the perfect match for Remus’ werewolf form!” Sirius added excitedly, his words making you smile.

The next full moon came on the first weekend of your fifth year at Hogwarts. Remus made his way towards the Shrieking Shack as usual, only to be greeted by you and the boys when he entered the small room. To say that he was surprised would be an understatement.

“What are you doing here? You need to leave! Y-You…I could hurt you! I-I couldn’t live with myself if I…” you stopped his ramblings with a hand on his cheek and signaled for him to wait.

Then, right before his eyes, his three best friends and the girl he was hopelessly in love with changed shape, transforming into…animals?

Remus had lots of questions, but there was no time left for them, as the moon was up in the sky and the pain shot through his entire body. It killed you to watch him transform because you couldn’t do anything to relieve even a bit of the excruciating pain he was currently feeling. You could only watch as his body changed shape. You could only watch as a majestic wolf took the place of his human self, taking in the lot of you with a low snarl. When he realized you were not a threat, he turned from ferocious to quite playful, which was a surprise for everyone.

That night was the first of many in which Remus Lupin didn’t feel like a monster. He felt loved instead, having his friends all there with him, so he would never have to spend another full moon alone ever again.

The next morning when you returned to the castle you went directly into the boys’ dormitory, ready to clean and patch up the few wounds that Remus inflicted on himself the night before. Neither of you said anything while you worked, but afterwards, when you got up to leave, he grabbed your wrist.

“Stay, please.” he whispered.

Having seen what you’ve done for him melted his heart completely. You risked your life – and safety – for him. He was deeply worried at first, when he saw you standing there, and especially when you refused to leave. He would never be able to live with himself if he ever hurt you, but you were not scared. You never were scared – not of him.

He decided that this was it, this was his chance – and he took it. He moved to the side, making enough room for you to lay down next to him and you gladly took him up on his offer, cuddling up against him and falling asleep almost instantly. When you woke up a few hours later, you were all tangled up in each other, which made you blush bright red. Remus, however, had a bright smile on his lips.

“Would you let me take you out on a date?” he asked sheepishly.

“I’d love that, Remus.” you responded with a smile of your own, leaning up to place a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“Bloody finally.” you heard a sleepy James mutter.

“I thought you’d never ask.” continued Sirius from the bed next to Remus’.

“Oi, shut up, you two!” came the young werewolf’s reply, but there was no mistaking his red cheeks. You hid your face in the crook of his neck as the two troublemakers started laughing and shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips at their antics.

[violet-knox]

Time’s Swift Betrayal

Year 7 - Chapter 52

Summary: You shop with Severus at Diagon Alley and spend a night at the Leaky Cauldron before catching the train to Hogwarts the next day.

Word count: 7609

Warnings: A bit of naughty touching but no smut 

Previous Chapter - Chapter 1 

~

You were never one for clichés, but you could appreciate the beauty in a good poetic metaphor. It’s funny how relative time could be, changing for every person on the planet when all your clocks were synced to a particular hour, each hand clicking away with exact precision. Yet you could feel it pass slower during an exam, you could feel each second stretching when Dumbledore gave his beginning of the year speech, elongated with every year that passed. 

Time flies when you’re having fun. The expression that you only found all the more true as you grew older. Time flew when the words of a page snatched you into an unknown world. Time flew when you were on a broom with nothing running in your head but the goal of victory. But time had never switched gears, running at maximum speed into the abyss of your future when you were with Severus. It was hard to believe that summer had come to an end so soon when you’d barely managed to get through half of the things you had in mind. Still, you’d spent so much of it with Severus, working with him, taking walks after work, talking until nightfall. Nothing else could have made time speed by the way it did these last few months. 

“So, listen,” you said as you both closed up the shop for the day, making your way to the backroom to grab your belongings. “I was thinking, if you’re willing that is...” you paused, blushing at the request you had for him.

“What is it?” Severus noticed you anxiously lowering your gaze to the ground, tucking your hair behind your ear as you walked with your hands clamped shut. Something you only did when you were nervous. He looked down at you as he slipped his fingers between yours in comfort knowing his touch helped you loosen a little. 

“Well, school starts up next week and we still need to buy our textbooks before heading to London. We’ve saved up a lot of money, so I was thinking, maybe we could head to Diagon Alley a day early and-” 

“Take a room at the Leaky Cauldron and catch the train the next day?” 

You giggled as he finished your sentence and quickly spun you around when you stepped through into the dimmed backroom, pulling you into his embarrass by your waist. “Yes,” you whispered. “Exactly.” You wrapped your arms tightly around his neck and peered into his dark eyes. 

Severus felt like you’d pulled him out of a coma this summer, like the definition of joy he’d known for so long was a lie. It was odd how he’d always looked forward to the end of summer, but this year, especially with his father now out of his life, he wanted nothing more than to spend eternity running around with you in the large town of Cokeworth he’d never thought of exploring until you’d dragged him down to every corner, every store the place he’d grown up had to offer. Who knew how far the lake actually stretched, or how vacant the lots were up north. 

He’d watched so many Muggles file through Mr.Davis’s little bookstore, at least more than he’d expected (which was a count less than the number of people who’d chosen to live on Spinner’s End). He’d stocked up on so many books, lining the walls of his home with as many as his mother would allow. He’d never read as much as he did this summer, never smiled or laughed so much in his life. And he couldn’t believe it was coming to an end. 

“Shall I meet you at the bus station Sunday morning?” he asked. You tilted your head and smiled, pulling on his collar to bring him closer as you bit your lip. 

“I have a better idea,” you whispered, your eyes flickering between your hands and the crisp features of his face.

“Oh?”

“Why don’t you sneak into my room Saturday night,” you whispered, lingering your lips over his, denying him the satisfaction of the kiss you so teasingly offered, “And we can fly to Diagon Alley on my broom.”

Severus’ eyes flickered, the corner of his lips twitching into a loving smile. “Are you sure you want me sleeping over?” His voice so delicate, his fingers softly grazing against your cheek like he was afraid of shattering you. Severus didn’t want you to feel obligated to let him into your personal space having learned the hard way the consequences of doing such a thing uninvitingly. 

“I’d love to have you over,” you smiled at him, tilting your head and leaning into his touch. “No one will notice. My room is small, but it’s all mine.”

Severus let his fingers drift down to follow your jaw, hooking under your chin. He brought your gaze up, his eyes searching yours. You slipped your hands down his chest and took fists full of his shirt, lightly tugging forward, daring him to make a move. 

“I can always just wake up early and meet you at your place if you’d prefer.” He almost choked on his words watching the lust swim in your eyes. You smirked, listening to his voice crack in defeat. He didn’t mean what he said, you knew he was only concerned about overstepping. 

“No, we both need our sleep,” you said pressing your fists into his chest, pushing him away ever so slightly. “Besides, you’d have to wake up way too early to come over before sunrise if we want to stay hidden from Muggles while flying.”

“Mmm, how dare they wake up and look at the clear summer sky,” he mumbled sarcastically, watching as you took a step back, pulling him along with you until you let him go completely and made your way to the back of the room.

“Yes, what type of animal would do such a thing,” you jokingly added. Severus smiled as he walked behind you, watching you slug your bag over your shoulder before doing the same. 

You turned to make your way out when you felt his arm slither around your waist, pulling you into his chest and his lips gently press against your temple. You closed your eyes and revealed in his low self-restraint, taking whatever affection he could get from you.  

“What time do you want me over?” he asked, holding you in place as he spoke. 

“Come by at sunset and I’ll meet you at the bus stop,” you replied before placing a hand on his shoulder and leaving a quick teasing peck on his cheek. 

Severus shot you a quick smile before taking your hand as you both made your way out of the bookshop making plans for the weekend. Summer had come to an end, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy the little time you had left doing something besides working all day together. 

You’d made this summer absolutely enchanting for him and here you were offering yet another opportunity to lavash in your presence before heading back for your final year at Hogwarts. Even just walking to the bus stop with you now, listening to you plan for the weekend, he felt lightened, like he could listen to you talk all day. 

“How many books did you bring?” you asked, leaning down to pick up two of the packages Severus had set on the ground while waiting for you at the bus stop you’d previously agreed upon. 

“Enough to last us the year,” he said, gripping his Hogwarts luggage in one hand and taking a package from your hand with the other. You lead the way as you hugged his second stack of books, pressing it into your stomach.

“At least we don’t have to buy too many new books this year,” you stated. “We’re even using last year’s book for Transfiguration.” You were rather surprised to see your Professors taking their time as they made their way through the curriculum last year. Though you supposed it made since if they were planning to continue through the rest of the material their textbooks had to offer in your last year. 

“N.E.W.Ts classes normally keep their material concise and focused so it’s rare to see Professors covering a large textbook,” Severus informed you. 

You smiled up at him, loving how much he knew about the Wizarding World and only wished he was there to guide you in your first year. Professor Sprout had been assigned to help you buy textbooks and materials after Dumbledore had come to inform you of your situation. The Herbology Professor was kind and never stopped herself from answering your ridiculous questions, but it would have been a much easier transition if someone your age had been there to help you through it all. 

Your lack of knowledge was probably why you’d found yourself in the library second day at Hogwarts, trying to catch up on everything there was to know about the Wizarding World you’d missed out on the first eleven years of your life. You’d refrained from asking your housemates questions unless absolutely necessary, and though you’d managed to receive grades to contrast with your peers who’d grown up in Wizarding households, it just wasn’t the same. When you’d met Severus, grown close to him, you’d began to rely on his knowledge, grasping at every word, trying to live through the hands on experience his mother had shared with him. 

Even now, talking about your N.W.E.Ts, the information he shared with you was something you would never read in a book. 

“Good, less studying for us,” you said with a huff of content, thinking about a school year with less endless study nights and more visits to Hogsmeade, more time to play Quidditch and simply exist in the presence of your loving boyfriend.

“Mmm, don’t be so quick to assume such a thing. Our N.E.W.Ts exams are done to test the applicability of the skills we learned in each class.”

Your smile was quick to fade as you finally began to understand why you’d gone so in-depth into your subjects last year, regretting focusing so much on Transfiguration rather than split your time evenly between all your classes. Of course, you’d no doubt feel the ramifications of such a decision this year.

“Great,” you mumbled. 

“At least you’ll have Quidditch this year to keep you leveled,” he offered, attempting to bring up your spirits, but his comment clearly didn’t have the effect he’d hoped for as he watched your shoulders drop along with your gaze.

“Right.”

You’d almost forgotten you’d made Captain last year, and you’d planned to create a game plan over the summer to help you manage the team better, but with everything that went on, time slipping away from you so quickly, you hadn’t gotten a moment to think about how you’d hold trials, what types of strategies and moves you’d want the team to learn. 

“You’ll do amazing love,” Severus was quick to throw an arm around your shoulder, pressing his lips to the top of your head in comfort as you arrived at your destination. “I can’t wait to see you back on that broom.”

You smiled to yourself and opened the door for him, gently closing it behind you before making your way up the stairs. Severus followed your quick movements, turning left and watched you head straight for the third door down the hall, opening it and inviting him in. 

He looked around your quaint little sleeping quarters with curiosity glimmering in his eyes. It was smaller than he’d remembered; barely large enough to fit a twin sized bed and a closet with a large pile of books crammed in the corner. Despite its size, it still had his chest warming with amour and every item in that room reminded him of you. 

“What?” you said, placing the package of books in the corner of your room and turning back around to see Severus wearing the most childish smile you’d ever seen. 

“I love your room,” he said as he stepped over towards you, placing the rest of his belongings under your window. 

“No you don’t,” you giggled. “It’s small and sad.”

“But it smells like you,” he said, pulling you in by your waist, your arms wrapping around him. 

“Oh?” You bit your lower lip to keep from smiling. “Is it a smell you like?” you teased. 

“Very much,” he whispered, nudging to capture your lips. You slowly moved a hand to cup his jaw, his thin lips soft against yours. Severus moved his hands to grip your hips before he felt your hand slip from over his shoulder, down to grab his shirt and slowly tug him forward as you walked backwards towards the bed. 

His fingers dug into the fabric of your trousers, parting from your kiss only to turn his head the other way and crash into your lips again as he walked with you. You felt the edge of the bed hit the back of your knees and was about to pull him down, but it was Severus who pressed down on your hips and lunged forward as you both crashed down onto the bed. 

The fall had you both springing apart, and you took the opportunity to slide back to the head of the bed. Severus kneeled, following your slow crawl as you rested your head onto your pillows. You gladly parted your legs and allowed him to place himself between them, your hands quickly finding the collar of his shirt as you pulled him forward to reconnect your lips. 

His hair showered over you as you felt his weight slowly pressing down on you. Severus cautiously lowered himself on top of you, his elbows firmly placed at your sides, propping himself enough to keep from crushing you. 

“I love that you’re here with me,” you said, eyes flickering in lust as you parted.

Severus took in a deep breath, smiling as he moved his lips against yours for one last quick kiss before trailing down to the crook of your neck, sucking and biting your skin. Your hands were quick to dart up from his waist to bury themselves in his hair. You closed your eyes, your heart racing as you focused on every move he made, the feeling of his tongue against your skin sending sparks through your body.

“We should get ready for bed,” he whispered before gently biting your earlobe. Your heart almost stopped at his movements, his lower body pressed against yours, his chest hovering over your own, his voice echoing through your ears. How dare he say you had to stop. 

You groaned in protest, keeping your eyes screwed shut, your hands gripping fists full of his hair, encouraging him to taste every inch of your skin.

“We have to wake up early tomorrow,” he mumbled against your skin, “and don’t forget. This was your idea.”

Your eyes shot open as you huffed in annoyance. “Fine,” you said, pushing him off of you and immediately springing from the bed to retrieve shorts and a tank-top from your dresser. 

Severus watched you open the closet door and reach for the top drawer on the left. He made his way over and wrapped his arms around your waist, pushing you into him and leaving small kisses on your cheek. You closed your eyes a moment, pausing your movements and leaned into his touch before you felt him pull away and make his way to his luggage. 

You quickly found what you were looking for and made your way over to the door, closing it behind you to go change in the washroom. 

Severus had been here less than twenty minutes and yet you’d never felt so at home than in this moment since living here. Despite his irreparable responsible manner, you were glad he’d accepted your invitation to make such a trip together. You’d soon spend two nights in each other’s company and sufficient to say, you were nervous, but excited nonetheless. Your first time at Diagon Alley together, your first Gringotts vault, your first time sleeping at a hotel, one located at the heart of the Wizarding World in London no less. There wasn’t a single thing about tomorrow you dreaded except perhaps the very probable possibility of time betraying your need to cherish every moment and speed up the clock instead. 

You paused outside your bedroom, hand over the doorknob as you smiled to yourself. Opening the door, you found Severus removing the covers before his head shot up to watch you close the door and flick the lights off. He slipped into your bed and waited for you to do the same as you leaned over to turn off the lamp on your bedside table before settling into the bed. He wrapped an arm around your waist and you both squeezed close together, just barely filling up the entire bed as your body easily relaxed not long after.

Severus watched as you effortlessly fell asleep, gently stroking your hair when you’d twitch to help ease your mind as it drifted, feeling thankful he was able to end such a delightful summer with the girl he was so deeply in love with. Sleep didn’t find him for a while; too elated to feel your body completely pressed against his, your breath evening to a constant state as you fell deeper into your dreams. But he eventually found his way, joining you in a deep sleep filled with nothing but love filled dreams.

The sudden sound of a rather obnoxious beeping, rapidly repeating in alarm, had Severus jolting from his spot, leaning on his elbow, failing to remove himself from bed to find the source of such a horrid sound.

“What is that?” he asked, frantically rubbing his eyes.

“My alarm,” you said as you quickly reached over and blindly slammed your hand down on the nightstand to end the suffering you’d put yourself and Severus through. In hindsight, you probably should have warned him last night you’d set it, but his mere presence distracted you, had you forgetting all the plans you had and instead kept you living in the moment. “We need to get ready.”

You turned to face him, any notion to remove yourself from where you lay thrown out the window as your eyes landed on the raven-haired boy beside you, sleep still dwelling around him, his eyelids heavy yet his hair remained slick and rather tidy. 

“What a horrible sound to wake up to,” he mumbled, edging closer to you, his hand slowly moving up and down your side. 

“It gets me up when I need it,” you giggled, closing your eyes as you revealed in his touch. You definitely wouldn’t mind waking up to a Muggle alarm each morning if it meant he was the first thing you’d see when you opened your eyes. 

“It’s still so dark, can’t we stay in bed a little longer?” Severus said in protest, wanting nothing more than to stay wrapped under these covers with you. 

“Sunrise is in a half hour Sev. We need to get going so we won’t be seen.”

He smiled at you, eyes finally cracking open to take in the beautiful sight before him. He could only imagine his luck if he was ever blessed with the opportunity to wake up beside you every day, to kiss you good morning and start his day by simply existing in your company.

You both let out sighs of protest as you removed yourself from your bed to get ready for the long trip ahead. Sneaking around while gathering your things was a bit chaotic, but you managed to escape the premise rather quickly, making your way to the abandoned lot a few blocks over. 

Looking up at the sky, you made the assumption you had a few more minutes until the sun made an appearance, giving you just enough time to find some coverage. It was lucky the sky had decided to fill with clouds today, though perhaps luck had nothing to do with it. You’d always suspected the weather to bend at least somewhat to your needs when Dumbledore had told you of your magical inheritance, always sunny when you were happy, cloudy or sometimes even rainy when you were upset. Of course, it all could have been a coincidence and surely it would have played in your favor during Quidditch rather than occasionally drenching you in rain. But it was nice to think yourself special, unique compared to the other witches and wizards in your world. 

You placed your luggage on the ground and went to jolt open the kickplate of your broom. Severus carefully set down the mountain of luggage he carried as you mounted your broom, lightly kicking off the ground to hover above the surface. You patiently waited, admiring the care he put into securing all his books along with the new suitcases you’d bought together after work one night. It took a lot of convincing, but you finally managed to drag him out to buy new ones. 

Severus threw his leg over your broom as he mounted it behind you, wrapping his left arm around your waist, his right pointing his wand at your luggage. You watched them float off the ground and waited for Severus to give you the go ahead before you kicked off and flew into the air. 

The wind wove through Severus hair, the feeling jarring to him. Last time he’d ridden a broom he’d struggled to mount it, the bloody thing whipping back and forth trying to throw him off as his classmates laughed at him. His own housemates snickering along with Potter and his friends rather than stand up for him. A foolish eleven-year-old boy, lost and mocked by the world. 

He was so absurdly lucky to have met you, to date someone who complimented him so well. You strived where he lacked and held him up at his weakest. You completed one another and it was more than he ever could have asked for.

You had quite the long ride ahead of you and though you were nervous about flying for so long, you accepted the challenge and hoped it would help kick start your flying skills before the new Quidditch season. Of course, it helped to have Severus in your company, supporting you throughout the journey.

“You’re doing great,” you heard him say as he buried his face in the crock of your neck. You were suddenly very glad you’d decided to tie your hair off, completely forgetting how it would be flying in his face right about now if you didn’t. 

You gripped your broom with your right hand, your eyes focused ahead as your left removed itself from its position and gently rubbed the arm encircling your waist. You smiled as you felt him hug you closer, comfortably nuzzling into your neck as you went to grasp his hand, quickly removing it to press your lips to his knuckles in gratitude. 

Severus stiffened, his eyes screwed completely shut when he felt his hold on you fumble, your hand pulling him away from the security of your body. His heart pounded against his chest in fear as his feet planted themselves firmly on the kickplate of your broom. 

“You all right Sev?” you asked, his hand shooting straight back to gripping your waist as you felt his nails dig into your side. He was tense. Something you had never seen before, not even during exam season.

“Fine,” he mumbled against your skin, “Just not a big fan of flying.”

You held your breath in the fear of missing a single word he said. He spoke so softly, voice so low and with the wind howling in your ear, it was hard to listen.

“Oh?” you said invitingly.

“I uh, wasn’t very good in first year,” he stumbled over his words, embarrassed about the mention of his past failures.

“And you haven’t flown a broom since?” you asked, rather shocked at the information you were receiving. 

“No,” he simply stated, turning his attention to the luggage flying beside him in the hopes you’d drop the subject. 

“Well, that needs to change.”

You smiled, secretly accepting the challenge of teaching Severus to fly, though it would obviously have to wait. A trip like this required an experienced flyer and you weren’t about to risk your safety because you wanted your boyfriend to love flying a broom as much as you.

The sun shone bright in the sky as you continued your way to London, rejecting every offer Severus gave of taking a break knowing you wouldn’t be able to regain the coverage the clouds had to offer. 

“We’re nearly there.” You remained fully alert, Severus’ words ringing in your ear.

“How can you tell?” you asked, your hands cramping up after holding onto your broom for so long. You were physically drained from the journey you’d taken, your arms begging to be stretched, your back protesting in pain. Severus was no doubt just as exhausted, having to keep his focus on all your belongs flying next to you. 

“There!” he said, letting you go, pointing through the clouds to a large building down to your left. He shot his arm straight back around your waist not a second later, his hold on you tighter than ever, his muscles aching, a small migraine settling into his temple. “That’s the theater, and there’s the garden.” 

He nudged in the direction he’d pointed out before resting his chin over your shoulder. Holding you so close gave him the strength he needed to power through this trip, and he was sure he’d have passed out from concentrating so hard these last few hours if it wasn’t for your company. “Lower us down a little. See that narrow back alley behind the theater?”

You hummed as you nodded your head. 

“Land us there and we can walk the rest of the way.” 

You immediately leaned down on your broom, pulling it to the left to do as he asked, staying hovered over the thin layer of clouds to keep from being spotted. Severus closed his eyes, face completely buried into your neck as you descended. He felt his stomach drop, his heart pounding against his ribs. This had to be his least favorite part about flying; the descent.

The grip he had on you tightened the further down you flew. You subconsciously went to place a hand over his arm, rubbing circles against the soft fabric of the sweater he wore in comfort. 

“We’re almost there love. Just a bit further,” you said, feeling his stress levels rise as he clenched his jaw. He smiled, his eyes opening just enough to watch you slowly move your hand over his arm. He focused on your touch, suppressing the sound of cruel unwarranted laughter ringing in his ears, clinching on your words instead. 

The ground finally made itself apparent. Severus lifted his head, preparing to land on his feet and settle the luggage down. You slowly hovered yourselves down as opposed to the quick abrupt stop you’d normally opt for in the hopes of easing Severus down. Your feet landed firmly on the concrete of the road before you slowly propped up your broom, Severus lowering your luggage to the ground. You pushed the kickplate back in place and watched as he leaned against the wall of the theater, slowly letting his body give way as he lowered himself to the ground. You quickly set your broom alongside the rest of your belongings before heading over and crouching down with him.

Severus felt his stomach turn, the soft touch of your fingers gently pushing away his hair distracting him from the dizziness and slight nausea.

“You okay?” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair. Severus simply buried his face into your chest and wrapped his arms around you, matching his breaths to the beat of your steady heart. You were an amazing flyer and he wouldn’t have asked you for anything more, but he didn’t feel as though he’d ever get over that tragic moment in first year, the beginning of a very long run of jokes and pranks. 

You checked your watch and realized you’d arrived faster than initially anticipated. The clock hadn’t even struck eight yet and you were thankful you’d powered through the trip, giving Severus a bit of time to recover. Pecking the top of his head, you soothed him until he motioned to remove himself from where he sat. You both removed your sweaters and stuffed them into your suitcases, along with your broom before making headway towards Diagon Alley. 

The street was just as magical as you’d remembered. The few wizards and witches out this early dressed in robes. You could see Olivander a few shops down unlocking his store, the sign that normally hung above the window springing forward as soon as he opened the door. Lights began to illuminate the windows of open shops, their owners no doubt preparing for the storm of Hogwarts students that was to come

Passing by the Leaky Cauldron, you both made your way to Gringotts, taking advantage of your early arrival and beating the line at the bank, knowing how much time it would take to set up two entirely new vaults as opposed to simply converting your Muggle money like you’d both done in previous years. The ceiling was much higher than you’d anticipated, pillars of gold stone lining the walls behind the Goblins working at their desk. The design on the marble stone below your feet circling in slow movements. Magic filled the air and you suddenly felt nostalgic walking up to the clerk at the front who asked for your wand. You stood there a while before he handed you a key announcing your vault number and returning your wand. He asked you both to follow the Goblin to his left after Severus opened his own vault, handing him his key and wand. 

The quick trip down to your vaults had your stomach flipping in anger and you suddenly wished you’d gone to the Leaky cauldron first to lie down for Severus’ sake. You were amazed by how quickly they’d converted the Muggle currency you’d handed over, stashing it in your vault before you’d even arrived. Grabbing a generous amount of Galleons, you stuffed your money bag to its brim and quickly made your way back to the cart that took you to Severus’ vault. He did the same and quickly jumped back in, asking the Goblin to take you to the exit.

“I’m exhausted.” you said, setting down your luggage and throwing yourself on the king-sized bed of the room you’d taken at the Leaky Cauldron. 

You hadn’t realized just how much you’d saved up from previous summers until Severus shared with you how much he’d made working with you these last few months. Still he insisted on splitting the cost of your shared room despite your offer to pay for it yourself. 

“So am I.” Severus plopped himself next to you, the bed bouncing as his weight hit the mattress. You smiled and brought your attention to him as he turned on his side. “But we still have some shopping to do,” he whispered into your ear, throwing his arm over your waist and nuzzled closer to you as he closed his eyes. 

You wrapped your arm around him, feeling his body semi-atop you finally relaxing. Shopping. Like he’d be thinking about something so energy consuming when he couldn’t even keep his eyes open. “Can we rest for an hour before we join the chaos?” 

“Sure, love. Whatever you need,” he mumbled, making himself quite comfortable in your arms. You smiled at his words knowing perfectly well he needed to rest far more than you. Naturally, you’d take any opportunity to lie there next to him, his scent filling your nostrils, his arms greedily wrapped around you, though you were rather excited to explore Diagon Alley with him, especially when the list of your needed school supplies was so short. 

Severus felt your chest rise and fall under his arm, his heartbeat finally settling into place, a rather calming rhythm playing against his chest as he moved his arm up enough to place them under your clothed breasts. He moved his right leg between yours and contently let out a soft purr as you wove your fingers in his hair. He’d very gladly hex the person who told him he couldn’t stay in this exact position the rest of his life and though he very well intended to do just that, the time came when you both had to drag yourself from bed and head to replenish your potion ingredients and buy the few new textbooks needed for the new school year before retiring for dinner. 

“Sev, look!” you gasped, immediately joining the crowd around the window outside Quality Quidditch Supplies. You edged as close as you could get, pressing your nose against the glass. “It’s the new Quicksilver six!” Your eyes lit up with joy, what little energy you had left spiraling out of you as excitement, your eyes hooked on every inch of the broom on display. “That’s my Quidditch number,” you whined. 

Truth be told you’d been saving for quite a while to buy a new broom, the one you had was good and all, but it was an old model, much slower than those you competed with. This had to be the perfect opportunity to splurge a little, a clear sign from the universe to end your last year at Hogwarts with a bang, carrying a broom whose model matched your Quidditch Number.

“You look like you’re seriously considering purchasing it,” Severus said watching you fall head over heels for the broom in front of you. 

“I-Well, I just want this last year to go off without a hitch and that means winning the Quidditch Cup. This broom is said to be five times faster than the one I have. Imagine Sev, how fast I can fly with it!”

You couldn’t help but long over the broom wishing you’d one day afford such a luxurious item. But it seemed for now, you’d have to either settle for your current broom or a model much less expensive than this one. 

“I can pitch in if you like.”

You spun your head back in his directions, eyes wide. It was such a sweet offer, he knew how much this meant to you and it was absolutely adoring to see him want to support you in such a way especially after you’d learned how he felt about flying.  

“N-no Sev, I’d never ask that.” You shock your head, dismissing the idea of sharing such a hefty price tag when you both had worked so hard to save up.

“I’m offering,” he said, taking your hand and looking you in the eye when he saw you lower your gaze. 

“You sure?” you whispered, giving him a sheepish smile.

“Absolutely,” he said, nodding his head, loving the exhilarated look that washed over your face as you quickly took his hand and practically ran through the door of the shop. Any amount of Galleons was worth seeing that look on your face, like a little girl celebrating her birthday, skipping back to your room, holding her new broom like it was her most cherished item she owned. 

It took a lot of convincing to tear you from your room, leaving the broom behind to grab dinner but he finally managed to drag you downstairs for a quick bite before he found himself sitting on the bed, admiring the look in your eyes as you lay on the ground, fingers going over every detail of your new broom. 

“It’s absolutely stunning Sev, thank you! I’d never have bought it without your help.” You’d done nothing but thank him all day after he'd practically emptied out his money bag, having to go back to the bank to refill it after dinner. 

“Come up here,” he said, patting the empty spot beside him, “we’ve both had a long day and are in desperate need of rest.” Not to mention that this was the first time he’d had a king-sized bed to share with you and he was more than ready to take advantage of the few hours you had left before you both nodded off to sleep.

You looked up from your broom and watched his eyes twinkle. How could you deny him after what he’d done for you today, that look he gave you reeling you in. Pressing your lips together, you tried to repress the smile that made its way onto your face as you quickly stood up and began crawling to the head of the bed. 

“I think this was the best summer I’ve ever had,” you said happily joining Severus, making yourself comfortable, placing your head on the pillow as you stretched out your back. 

“You know,” he spoke softly as he carefully adjusted to climb on top of you, caging you beneath him with his arms and legs on either side of you, “I bet my summer was better than yours,” he said as he peppered you with kisses all over your cheeks, jaw and neck. You giggled, throwing your head back in lust as you let your hands freely explore the contours of his body. 

“How do you figure?” You pushed on his chest, flipping him over and straddled his waist as you began to return his kisses. 

“I got to spend it with the most amazing girl. She’s beautiful,” he said as he held your waist, enjoying your lips pressed against his jaw. “She loves the same books I do.” His eyes closed in adoration as one hand slid up, burying his fingers in your hair. “She’s brilliant…” A shallow breath escaped him when he felt your teeth lightly graze against that special spot of his. “You’d love her.”

You pulled yourself from him, shoving him onto his back at his last sentence and began to chuckle, settling yourself into his lap as you bit your lower lip. Letting your smile overtake you, you moved his hands from your waist down to your hips, silently inviting him to do a little exploring of his own. 

“Tell me more,” you whispered before leaning back down, connecting your lips. Once parted, you tucked some of your hair behind your ear before shifting down to leave gentle love marks all over his neck.

Severus cautiously moved his hands up over the sides of your breasts as you undid the top button of his shirt and began to nip at his collarbone. You moaned and pressed yourself closer to him as you felt him gently moving his thumbs to rest atop the underlining of your bra. He smiled when he saw how pleased his motions made you. Feeling a rush of confidence course through him, he quickly pushed you over so he was back on top. He began to slowly unbutton your shirt, kissing every inch of new skin that was revealed to him, lingering his lips over your skin before moving further down. 

“You are the kindest,” he said between kisses, “Most beautiful. Most caring. Person I have ever met. And I love you. So much.”

You smiled and closed your eyes as he trailed kisses above your left cup down to the center of your chest. He didn’t want to push any further, so he settled for trailing his tongue over your exposed cleavage, lavishing in your taste. Pausing at the center of your chest, between your breasts, he began to suck and bite, until he was sure there was a mark, his right hand trailed down the curve of your body, resting on your hip. You moaned each time he lightly bit down, his hand squeezing your thigh as you buried your fingers in his hair, bringing him closer, occasionally tug when you felt your heart skip a beat. 

Your body temperatures rose as you continued to lose yourselves in each other’s touch. His thin figure fitting perfectly between your legs, his lips complimenting your own. You were living in absolute bliss, having you dread the separation that was to come tomorrow when arriving at Hogwarts. 

You could understand the split between girls and boys of each year but being split by houses had to be the most ridiculous rule the school enforced, and you never hated it more than you did now. If only you’d been sorted in Slytherin along with Severus, you could have spent all night in the common room by the fireplace or perhaps he’d allow you to sneak into his dorm and sleep next to him. 

You’d failed to mention it, but the night before when he’d slept in your bed had been the most comforting and restful night you had. Tonight of course was no different as you found yourself huddled against his chest despite the large amount of space the bed had to offer. Perhaps it was all for the best. If you’d been sorted into the same house, surely, you’d become sick of one another and that was the last thing you wanted. 

It was only a year. Less than that, it was ten months. Ten months and you’d finally be free of the forced separation between you and Severus. Ten months and you could start your life with the boy you adored so much. You just had to hold on for ten more months.

 You woke up first the next day and looked up to see Severus fast asleep, his chest so subtly rising and falling beneath you. He looked so peaceful with his hair covering half his face, mouth slightly ajar, soft breaths escaping his lips as he dreamt. He had one arm around your waist, the other placed over yours which lay on his chest; his grip on you so firm despite his deep slumber. Still you managed to slip your hand from under his to brush hair out of his face, careful not to wake him.  

Settling back down into place, you peeked over to the clock hanging on the wall and decided to let him sleep for another hour before you had to leave to catch the train. You both needed the rest after the long day you’d had yesterday. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to stay lying next to one another a while longer. 

You felt soothed in his arms, the daylight sun peeking through the curtains and illuminating your room. Nothing would have made that hour any better except the absence of time’s obnoxious decision to run away from you. 

Sighing as the clock struck ten thirty, you leaned back up and began to kiss his neck, then his jaw, then his cheek, until you reached his soft lips. 

Severus shifted when he felt the familiar feeling of your loving kisses and opened his eyes just as you pecked him on the lips. He smiled before jolting forwards, reconnecting your lips for a proper kiss and hummed contently as you parted.

“Morning,” he said, eyes half open, voice raspy, still half asleep. 

“Morning,” you replied softly. “We need to get ready to catch the train.” You leaned up on your elbows, lying beside him as you watched him rub his eyes and turn towards the clock.

Severus immediately sat up in shock as he went to reread the time, hoping his eyes were deceiving him. 

“I meant to wake up two hours ago,”’ he said. “I wanted to eat breakfast with you.” He turned towards you, the disappointment in his voice filling the room. 

Sitting up, you cupped his cheek and searched his eyes. He looked absolutely devastated, and it broke your heart. “We can eat on the train,” you said, trying to compromise with his plans and time’s betrayal.

Severus bowed and lowered his gaze in dismay. He knew the time you had together was limited and wanted the last day you had together to be perfect before the Hogwarts Houses separated you both. This was the last day he could have shared a meal with you, and it was ruined by the simple act of oversleeping, something he’d never done until today. 

“I’m going to miss eating with you,” he mumbled. “Sleeping next to you.” He brought his gaze back to you and smiled. The weekend hadn’t gone exactly as planned, but it was the best getaway he could have ever dreamt of having. 

“I know,” you whispered, taking his hand, his fingers dancing with yours before intertwining with one another. “Me too.”

It was hard to stay positive and remove yourself from the safety of this bed when you knew you’d be headed to ten months of secrecy, hiding your love for a Slytherin from your house and constantly working to find time alone.

“Come on,” you said, finally jolting from the bed. “If we hurry, we can grab a snack before we leave.” 

Severus smiled as he followed your move and began packing everything, preparing for the ride to Hogwarts. He always used to count down the days till the Hogwarts Express took him back home, but this had to be the one and only time he’d instead begun counting down to the day he knew he’d dread. The day he knew he’d find himself clinging to you before he was forced to let you go. The day that had finally arrived, having him reset his counter as he began to count the days until graduation.

~

Next Chapter

~

@dusk-realm @a-slytherin-sin @trashandshook @gbatesx @sneezy-s @emsdroid @leah-halliwell92 @dellightfullydeceitful @malfoymendes @sparklingkeylimepie @nameless-sovereign @living-in-margins @justanobodyinthisbigworld @soft-slytherin-sweetie @youtube4life10 @scarletmoon83 @fluffymadamina @sleepysnapesnake

[kaye-scheidsblogs]

Ascendance of a Bookworm Review

  Ascendance of a Bookworm is an isekai light novel written by Miya Kazuki and illustrated by Yu Shiina. It follows Urano Motosu, or rather Myne as she is known in her new world, as she pursues her one true passion: books. In her past life, Myne had just graduated college and was set to start her dream job as a librarian until an earthquake hit while she was in her book-filled bedroom and she was crushed to death by her massive book collection. As her consciousness fades, she wakes up as the 5 year old sickly Myne in a world where paper is made of parchment too expensive for anyone but nobles to buy and use.

  It's anime adaptation has two 14 episode seasons. The first season aired in Fall of 2019 with the second closely following up in Spring of this year. Both the anime and light novels are incredibly enjoyable, but I will actually be focusing this review on the light novel series as I found that I prefer it over the anime. That's not to say that the anime is bad. The light novels simply offer a lot more detail and depth to the already detailed world building that appears in the anime.

    As you can see, the anime adaptation’s animation and art style is not much to look at. It certainly is not a sakuga filled series, but it does have its charm. Personally, it reminds me a lot of late 2000s series and fills me with a sense of nostalgia whenever I watch it. The art style is quite cute and simple. The light novel’s illustrations are similar, but have a bit more detail and shine to them. As is also true for the characters, world-building, and writing in general. 

    Given how detailed and intricate everything about Bookworm’s writing is, you may be surprised to know that the series is heavily character-driven rather than plot-driven. With a world as detailed as this, one might expect it to be filled with political intrigue and plot-driven drama. However, our main character, Myne, is so incredibly defined by her straightforward desire to have and read as many books as possible that there’s simply no time for the writing to expand on plot-driven story beats. As proven by when some volumes add more plot-driven story beats and end up being longer than usual.

    With all that said, Ascendance of a Bookworm is very slow paced. In a series about making books, the anime doesn’t even give Myne paper until episode seven and proper books aren’t produced until later in the second season! That may make some people turn away. If you like your fantasies to be action packed, then Bookworm may not be for you. Even so, I implore all of you to give this series a shot. The slow-pacing does have its pros for readers looking for that sweet sweet cathartic feeling. Miya Kazuki has a talent for knowing the exact time and place for when certain things about her world should be revealed. And as such, she has developed a writing technique that reaps all the benefits of an isekai story while also not making it jarring for the reader.

    By that, I am referring to exposition. Isekai stories have protagonists that know nothing about the fantasy worlds they live in, but with all the knowledge of their previous world. This gives authors the excuse to have the main character ask questions that the world’s inhabitants know as common sense, but still have things explained to the audience. If authors aren’t careful, these exposition dumps can be boring at best and immersion-breaking at worse. But Miya Kazuki has created characters and a world that creates perfect circumstances for seamless exposition.

    First, we have Myne or Urano Motosu. A bookworm among bookworms. With a one-track and somewhat forgetful mind, all she knows and loves is books. She is an absolute delight of a character and while her development is just as slow as the story’s pacing, it is a wonderful experience to read it all unfold. Her desire for books leaves her selfish and uninterested in everything else, which does her no favors. Myne is a low-class peasant. Born the daughter of a soldier and seamstress, she already shouldn’t know much about the world outside her lot in life. But to make things worse, Myne’s body is very sickly. Racked by a mysterious fever that has forced her to practically spend all her time inside and thus, doesn’t even have the knowledge of most kids in the same class. 

    Her first real source of knowledge about the world she’s been reborn into is Lutz. A neighbor and youngest son of four, whose perpetual hunger and desire to eat the tasty food that Myne makes leads to him becoming close friends with Myne. Lutz is with Myne throughout her entire journey and learns just as much as she does about the world they live in. Afterall, Lutz is also just the kid of a low-income family. The life Myne was born into not only serves as a fantastic way to immerse the reader into world-building, but also ends being a great vehicle for exploring the issues of a heavily class-based society. Even in this world completely separate from our own, somehow Miya Kazuki manages to make some pretty bold commentary on class-based society as a whole.

    Most light novels use fairly simple language, but even knowing that I think Miya Kazuki's writing style is even on the simple side of that. I don't blame her for that though, since her world and characters are so incredibly detailed that if she used flowery prose, her series would probably be the biggest and longest light novel series ever made. Some may not like how her style leans more toward "tell don't show" but it is still an incredibly well-written story with very compelling characters. Not to mention that this simpler writing style lends itself to some really great comedy.

That being said, Miya Kazuki’s writing often does that weird thing that happens in anime where something happens on screen and then the characters say out loud what just happened, except in written form. Which sounds terrible, but actually works a lot better in practice. It allows character interactions to flow a lot more freely and the simplistic writing allows for a lot more detail to be added. And due to Miya Kazuki writing the characters the way she does, there’s no boring or immersion-breaking exposition. 

    This writing style is not a product of the translation either. I have had the absolute pleasure of picking up (searching up) the web novel and experiencing Bookworm in Japanese as well. And as a side note; if any of you are upper-intermediate Japanese learners and are looking for Japanese reading material that’s simple enough for you to understand most of it (not mention fun to read), but also offers a bit of a challenge then check out Ascendance of a Bookworm’s web novel here: https://ncode.syosetu.com/n4830bu/. Bonus tip: Download the yomichan and/or rikaikun extensions on your browser for optimal reading time. Anyway, I can assure you that the translator behind Ascendance of a Bookworm is not muddling the writing style or the reading experience in the slightest. Miya Kazuki’s story and writing style comes through very nicely in the official releases.

    Ascendance of a Bookworm is one of the most thoroughly realized stories I have had the pleasure of reading and watching. The anime is, of course, quite good, but I also highly recommend the light novel series even if you’ve seen the anime three times over. Miya Kazuki is an amazing writer and the official translations are quite good. If you’re like me though and like to binge series as quickly as possible, you might find yourself waiting aimlessly for more when you finish the anime and current English light novels. If you’re of intermediate or higher Japanese level, you can always read ahead in the Japanese web novels. Or you could seek out similar series. I recommend everything written by Nahoko Uehashi. Her novels are similarly well-realized fantasy stories with anime adaptations. Or, more obscurely, check out the fantasy series, Saiunkoku Monogatari. Its animation and art style gives me a similar sense of nostalgia and also has a great story with compelling characters. Anyway, I hope this review helped to convince you to give Ascendance of a Bookworm a shot, whether that be the anime or light novels. 

[nealcassatiel]

2. Allen Ginsberg, Castiel, and Buddhism: Cas in the bardo - an exploration of the Tibetan Buddhist death bardos and Castiel (I)

“Wanna drift off and become a newspaper headline, / what good favourable publicity in the bardo? Allen Ginsberg says, these words’ll get you nowhere / these jokes won’t be funny when everyone leaves the seven exits.” (Allen Ginsberg, Bowel Song)

Introduction

In my previous meta I discussed Cas in relation to Buddhism. In this post I will continue on this theme, looking specifically at Cas’s death state and the Buddhist concept of the bardo. I will be looking almost solely at Tibetan Buddhism which is in the Mahayana school of Buddhism. I have studied Buddhism for four or five years, however the subject is vast and please forgive me if my knowledge isn’t the best. If you have any questions about Tibetan Buddhism please ask them and if I can’t answer them, I’ll try and find out an answer from a teacher at my next visit to the Tibetan Buddhist Centre.

As a side note and personal note to this meta, I had intended to do more research on this as anything relating to theology, religion, or Buddhism is going to take a lot of research and understanding regardless of how much someone has previously studied the subject. My research was shortened and curtailed by the passing of a good friend. I had planned to write this meta about a month ago however the subject of death has been all too real for me since his passing. I apologize if this meta is too short or doesn’t go deeply enough and I will continue to write on this subject. Returning to the Buddhism and my meditations and readings this past week now that I am dealing with my grief better has been healing, and the insistence in meditating and thinking on death within Tibetan Buddhism has been a good thing to confront once more. I have been researching Tibetan Buddhist ideas on death specifically for the majority of the year for academic research, and I find solace that it has helped me in such trying times. To end this side note I would like to remind you all how loved you are and in the great words of great people; always keep fighting.

To recap on why I believe this is important, Cas is linked with Buddhism a fair bit. In The End his room was surrounded by Buddhist iconography, there were Buddhist decorations in his home when he was Emmanuel, and some of his beliefs and spiritual practices link as much to Buddhism as they do Christianity and Judaism.

The Empty and Death

At the end of 13x03 Cas woke up in what the writers are calling ‘The Empty’. It was mentioned by Billie in season 12. We don’t know much about the empty but Billie says this to Sam;

-       ‘There’s one hard and fast rule in this universe: what lives, dies. So the next time you or your brother bite it… well… you’re not going to heaven or hell. One of us and I hope it’s me, we’re gonna make a mistake and toss you out into The Empty. And nothing comes back from that.’

So here we see the Buddhist thoughts on death. In Tibetan Buddhism, a well-known practice is to focus on death and to come to terms that everything which lives must die.

-       ‘From the summit of the highest heavens to the very depths of hell, there is not a single being who can escape death. As the Letter of Consolation says: ‘Have you ever, on earth or in the heavens, / Seen a being born who will not die? / Or heard that such a thing had happened? / Or even suspected that it might?’’ (Patrul Rinpoche, Words of my Perfect Teacher: A Complete Translation of a Classic Introduction to Tibetan Buddhism, trans. Padmakara Translation Group, p. 41)

This is a major concept in Tibetan Buddhism which monks spend years focusing on in order to try to combat their death fear and help their passage out of samsara after death.

-       ‘Meditate only on death, earnestly and from the core of your heart.’ (Patrul Rinpoche, Words of my Perfect Teacher: A Complete Translation of a Classic Introduction to Tibetan Buddhism, trans. Padmakara Translation Group, p. 55.)

Allen Ginsberg, Buddhism, and Death

Allen Ginsberg also had this death fear and tried to focus and accept his death, in fact his last collection of poetry entitled ‘Death & Fame’ focused a lot on him trying to visualize and accept his own death in multi-religious terms, but mainly in Buddhist terms. On his death bed he tried to focus on Buddhism and mantras and his Buddhist teacher was called to sit with him and recite death rituals before his death and after passing. Ginsberg had a Buddhist ceremony as well as one in a church after he had passed away in 1997. I mention this because Cas can be linked very well to Ginsberg (also because my grad dissertation was about Ginsberg, Buddhism, and death – hashtag spon to that basically unread thesis that I poured so much into).

Death, Rebirth, and SPN

Another thing to note is the concept of death and rebirth in Supernatural. The brothers have died a fair few times and come back, but let’s focus on Cas. In Buddhism, one’s rebirth is dependent upon their past life. One’s karma at the end of one’s life ensures the next life. In Cas’s deaths and rebirths he has changed from each one and his past life has influenced his personality after his next resurrection. An interesting thing to understand about karma is that it doesn’t affect you in your current life. Whilst bad actions may cause bad consequences, that is not karma. Karma only has effect on you once you’re dead, so any time someone ends a story about someone getting their comeuppance and says ‘that’s karma for you’, you can correct them and say that is incorrect if ya want.

The Bardos

So, onto the bardos.

The Tibetan Book of the Dead, in brief, is a text which contains mantras to read before one’s passing and once one is dead. It contains many chapters detailing practices and meditations and yogas to do before one’s death in order to help prepare the oneself to escape samsara (the wheel of existence where one is caught in a cycle of birth and death and rebirth).

The first bardo is the chi kha and occurs immediately after death when a profound state of consciousness occurs, called the clear light. If one can recognise this light as their reality, they are thrown out of samsara (the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth).

If one does not recognise this light they are thrown into the second bardo, the bardo of reality called chos nyid bar do. In this bardo they are shown reality in a multi-coloured mandala of forty-two peaceful deities and a mandala of fifty-eight wrathful deities. These appear to the consciousness of the recently deceased in the days following death. If reality is not recognised here then they are placed into the third bardo – the bardo of mundane existence (sri pah bar do). In this third bardo they are rebirthed in one of the six realms of gods, demigods, humans, animals, hungry ghosts, or in hell. The karma (the wrongdoings of the deceased) in their past life will gauge which realm they will be rebirthed into.

Death holds up a mirror of our past life actions.

If recognition of death and the new reality does not occur immediately in the first intermediate state after death, then the deceased moves into the second intermediate state. This second intermediate state is called ‘the pure illusory body’, during which the consciousness achieves clarity even if the deceased doesn’t know they are dead. During this stage, if proper teaching is given, the deceased will no longer be controlled by past actions. ‘Just as, for example, darkness is destroyed by the light of the sun, the controlling force of past actions is destroyed by this ‘inner radiance of the path’ and liberation is attained.’ If liberation is not attained in this state, then the deceased moves onto the third intermediate state during which bewildering apparitions (which are the product of past actions) will emerge. ‘At around this time, the bereaved relatives will be crying and expressing their grief. They will no longer be serving the deceased share of food, they will have removed his or her clothes and stripped down the bed, and so forth. Although the deceased can see them, they cannot see the deceased. Although the deceased can hear them calling out, they cannot hear the departed one calling back so the deceased may turn away in a state of despaired. At this time, three phenomena – sounds, lights and rays of light – will arise, and the deceased may faint with fear, terror, or awe. Thus, during this period, the following Great Introduction to the Intermediate State of Reality should be given. Call the deceased by name and say the following words’.

“O, Child of Buddha Nature, that which is called death has now arrived. You are leaving this world. But in this you are not alone. This happens to everyone. Do not be attached to this life. Do not cling to this life. Even if you remain attached and clinging you do not have the power to stay – you will only continue to roam within the cycles of existence. Therefore, do not be attached and do not cling. Think of the Three Prescious Jewels! O, Child of Buddha Nature, however terrifying the appearances of the intermediate state of reality might be, do not forget the following words. Go forward remembering their meaning. The crucial point is that through them recognition may be attained. Alas, now, as the intermediate state of reality arises before me, renouncing the merest thought of awe, terror or fear, I will recognise all that arises to be awareness manifesting naturally of itself. Knowing such sounds, light, and rays, to be visionary phenomena of the intermediate state. At this moment, having reached this critical point, I must not fear the assembly of Peaceful and Wrathful Deities, which manifest naturally…. O, Child of Buddha Nature, if you do not now recognise these phenomena to be natural manifestations, whatever meditative practices you may have undertaken whilst in the human world, if you have not previously encountered this present instruction, you will fear the light, you will be awed by the sound and you will be terrified by the rays. If you do not now understand this essential point of the teaching, you will not recognise the sounds, the lights and the rays, and you will continue to roam within the cycles of existence. O, Child of Buddha Nature, should you have moved on, (without recognition), after having been unconscious for (up to) three and a half days, you will awaken from unconsciousness and wonder ‘what has happened to me?’ So recognise this to be the intermediate state. At this time the aspects of the cycles of existence are reversed (into their own true nature) and all phenomena are arising as lights and Buddha-bodies.’

Then a bright blue light will arise in the space. One should be drawn to it. There will be a dull white light of the god realms. Do not be drawn to that. It will spin you into the god realm and back into the cycles of samsara. Focus on the blue light. Other coloured lights occur and deities help to guide the deceased to the blue light. A dull blue light emerges which tries to call the deceased back to the human realm. Those with training will be more likely to walk towards the right light and take refuge in the Buddha to relieve themselves of being born back into samsara.

Within the bardos the deceased will be frightened and fearful. We see that Cas looks vulnerable and fearful when he wakes up in the empty.

Some Notes on the bardos and Cas in The Empty

-       Normally people don’t realise they go into the bardo after death as they are normally flung back into samsara. Those who are spiritual or have undergone training will be aware of the bardo after death. (This is important with Cas because he is a spiritual person, and so if we liken The Empty to the bardo, he will fair better in this space because of his spirituality.

-       In some folk, hindu, and folk Buddhist beliefs the last thought of the dying person is important and will help or hinder them in the bardo. (One of Cas’s last thoughts was probably saving Sam, Dean, and Jack, and so in The Empty these thoughts may stick with him all the more clearer (although they are pretty clear already. So his will to get back to Dean et al will be fundamental to his path through this in between place).

-       For those who were spiritual in their lives, in the bardo they will be more likely to meet enlightened beings who will appear to them. (This is interesting because from what we know about the spoilers, another person is there with him. This could be another angel and chuck knows I’m praying for the return of Gabriel, or it could be another version of Cas. In the bardo, the beings/gods who appear to the person do not have to be literal. Many people within Tibetan Buddhism see the gods and spiritual apparitions within the bardo as manifestations of one’s inner self, whether that be the greed or the pride or the love or the kindness).

-       The individual is also presented with a means of ending these encounters by paying attention to images and lights that feel comforting and familiar, and sometimes represent one of the passions that appeal to the person. This is where people's unconsciousness tendencies take control as they are variously attracted to jealously which can bring future lives of fighting and quarreling, pride which leads to another human rebirth, or aggression and violence which can lead to a rebirth in a hell world. Being attracted to these lights and images will cause the spiritual being to disappear and the opportunity to gain insight and enter their spiritual world will be lost. This is one of the important reasons for learning spiritual travel so that encounters with powerful spiritual states of consciousness become familiar and desirable instead objects of fear to be avoided.

-       If the first bardo passes and attempts to access spiritual states were unsuccessful, the next bardo begins. The second bardo or the "bardo of becoming" is a stage in which the desires of the individual are said to carry the largely helpless soul through a great variety of intense emotional states. Good thoughts bring great bliss and pleasure, and hateful or negative thoughts bring great pain and desolation. The soul bounces from thought to thought as a torrent of thoughts and feelings come like a waterfall. Existing thought habits and desires are said to define the experience of the soul during the afterlife in this way. (Again, we see that the bardo is a space for the inner self to manifest around oneself. I think that in SPN, they will use The Empty in a similar way – in that it will be a space where Cas can understand who he is. It will be a mindful, meditative, and self-reflexive space in which he will understand who he is and the life he lead. He will see what is important to him and what he should cling to and what he should leave).

-       The greatest problems of the soul in the second bardo are negative emotions like guilt and fear (which results from a lack of familiarity with the inner worlds), and lack of conscious control over its own experience. Fear is particularly harmful because it fragments the self making concentration on one thing difficult or impossible, and this can lead to confusion and loss of conscious control. (I think Cas will certainly explore these things within The Empty. He has been ridden by guilt for many seasons and I believe that he will feel the weight of his past actions even in death. However I think he will get through these and return to earth having done away with the negative emotions and guilt having worked through them all in the empty).

-       For those fortunate enough to be more conscious in these bardo states, a petition to a god, guru, guide, saint, or intercessor can be made in hopes that the individual will be lifted or guided out of the bardo worlds by one of those entities. But here again, the call must be concentrated and the ability to ignore the surrounding chaos somewhat developed. When such grace is given, it is a form of salvation where the individual is saved from the discomfort and confusion of the "outer darkness" of the bardo by a powerful entity - usually one that individuals formed a bond with in their former life. (Cas’s devotion to jack comes in here. Jack guides him back. This is an interesting discussion of faith here, because Cas has faith in Jack. And whilst some people may be angry at Cas for following Jack and placing faith in him, many people need figures within their lives in whom they place their faith).

-       This ability to choose a good incarnation requires discrimination, and a certain degree of conscious awareness. The new age approach to reincarnation which claims we choose our new incarnation is idealistic and not always true from this vantage point. Many souls whose thoughts in life were tinged with or dominated by negative emotions, or those who have repressed and denied such emotion through lack of awareness or an unwavering commitment to "positive thinking" will likely be desperate to escape the confusion of the second bardo. They are therefore likely to grab on to the first opportunity that presents itself like a swimmer who grasps a log in dangerous rapids in hopes of making it to calmer waters. Choosing the first object (or incarnation) that comes along may not be the wisest choice. (It would be interesting to see a kind of psychedelic/spiritual space in which Cas is drawn towards and away from things which distract him from his internal analysis and reflextion, or that draw him away from a mission to return to earth).

-       The average person is said to spend a period of about forty-five days in the second bardo. However, passionate souls with strong desires or those responsible for evil acts in their most recent life are said to reincarnate almost immediately. In exceptional cases, the individual can stay in the bardo state for longer periods, and be drawn into its currents awaiting rebirth.

-       One factor that helps the soul achieve the freedom of conscious control and spiritual travel during the afterlife is acceptance of death. Those who have not accepted death will resist the process of dying and introduce conflict into the bardo stages. This is why it is important for people to take care of any unfinished business as they near death so they can let go of life completely. (This will be interesting to see if Cas excepts his death. I’m not sure about this as he was in a depressive slump for a long while. But I hope that his want and love for Dean and the guys will make him not accept his new life in The Empty).

Forgiveness & Salvation

In The Tibetan Book of the Dead there are constant opportunities for enlightenment, both in life and in death. In the bardo one is given the chance over and over again to come to the light of the Buddha and come out of samsara. This is a key point in supernatural, that there are constant chances for good, for salvation, for forgiveness, for moving on a dropping the weights of before. Being in the bardo is a spiritual experience that shows you your inner thoughts, fears, and emotions. It is a liminal space which helps one to move on to the next realm or g to the light of the Buddha. Cas will be flung back into the world of samsara into another rebirth – although as he is being reborn as himself we stray further from Buddhism.

Conclusion

But what will be interesting in this upcoming episode is to see how many similarities there are between The Empty and the bardo – whether Cas will encounter a spiritual being, whether he will see his emotions manifest, whether he will be drawn to certain things, whether he will be drawn to good and bad light, whether he will be drawn back to the boys, whether he will accept his death, whether he will be able to look within himself and deal with the guilt and negative emotions he has been troubled by…. Who knows.

[lobselvith8]

Dragon Age Questions

Based on the post by @raesand.

01) Favorite game of the series?

Dragon Age: Origins. I had a lot of issues with Dragon Age II and especially Inquisition.

02) How did you discover Dragon Age?

I heard you had player choice in Origins so I thought it would be entertaining. I honestly didn't know too much about it and I was pleasantly entertained.

03) How many times you’ve played the games?

I have played Origins the most. Before the recton, the Magi Boon made me pretty happy as it was the option my Surana Warden had chosen to emancipate his people from servitude to the Chantry of Andraste and the Order of Templars. The Magi Boon recton and the rather questionable creative choices for the elves subsequently soured the game for me.

Runner up would be Dragon Age II, although that's because I did a canon run; I wasn't too pleased with how the game was incomplete and how passive Hawke was throughout the narrative, such as doing nothing about Meredith's dictatorship for three years. Hawke being religiously Andrastian no matter what (Gaider forgot that he included an option for the player to be an atheist in the Human Noble Origin in Origins, and similar options were available for the elven protagonist and the Warden-Commander in the Awakening expansion) and the poor paraphrasing with the dialogue options also made me feel disconnected from the character.

The Last Court was pretty fun. The Elegant Abbess brought Carver to my Marquis of Serault. The Cult of Masked Andraste reminds me of the mythos of Silent Hill. The Horned Knight was very interesting (the presence of the dryads and fauns present at the Heartwood Feast was a neat addition to the lore). The Dashing Outlaw was fun (she gets a full pardon).

I pretty much gave up on Inquisition after an initial run; I tried doing a canon run but the anti-Dalish sentiment I kept running into made the game extremely unpleasant to play through as an elven protagonist. Generally, I was extremely unhappy with the railroading (like being forced to side with the Chantry, despite Gaider and Laidlaw claiming before release that this wouldn't be the case) and the poor treatment of the Dalish elves.

04) Favorite race to play as?

Elves.

05) Favorite class?

Mages.

06) Do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time?

In Origins I entertained different choices with Zathrian's clan and the choices in Orzammar before coming to a canon decision.

07) Go-to adventuring group?

I prefer mixing it up.

08) Which of your characters did you put the most thought into?

My Surana Warden. Unlike some fans I do not imagine him wearing the Grey Warden armor introduced in Dragon Age II - he wears the Reaper's Vestments. "Reaper was an apostate mage who evaded the templars for many years before being captured. Part villain, part folk hero, it is said he led a charmed life avoiding dangers that would have killed lesser men."

His mother was one of the Night Elves during the civil war against Orlais. He was born in the Denerim Alienage, was forcibly taken from his mother by the templars at a young age, grew up to resent the Chantry controlled Circles (he was ideologically a Libertarian as he wanted the Circles of Magi to be autonomous), and he was a brilliant student of Irving's.

During the Fifth Blight, he was pragmatic, choosing to help Branka (since the Anvil historically provided a century of stability against the darkspawn), supported Taoran Hawkwind, aided the Antivan Crows, recruited Loghain to bring an end to the civil war and fold the tale of the Hero of River Dane into the story of Grey Wardens (to counter the anti-Warden sentiment that was established because of the tyrant Arland Theirin), killed the Messenger and opposed the Architect (there was a rather lengthy discussion at the now defunct BSN forums that brought up the prospect of sapient darkspawn wanting women to turn into Broodmothers in order to create new darkspawn that greatly shaped my decision).

His mother escaped captivity from the Tevinter slavers who had enslaved the Denerim elves during the Fifth Blight. Her freedom was due to the intervention of the Dalish in the Free Marches, including Clan Lavellan, attacking and killing the slavers, as the clans liberated many elves from the human slavers. His mother ended up joining Lanaya's clan when she discovered one of the pregnant elves was carrying her granddaughter.

My Surana Warden leaves the Warens to spend his remaining days with Morrigan and Keiran (who has black hair like both of his parents and looks Latino Antivan with an olive skin tone). Presumably his knowledge of blood magic should stave off the Calling if he was not able to find a way to rid his body of the taint (I lean towards the idea that he found a way).

09) Favorite romance?

DAO: My Surana Warden with Morrigan.

DA2: Merrill. Even if she was too good for Hawke.

The Last Court: The Elegant Abbess. My Marquis of Serault also discovered her role with the Cult of Masked Andraste.

DAI: No one. Although I like to imagine Revas meets Merrill post-game (I like to think Varric gifted my protagonist with the Hawke estate as part of the Comte boon).

10) Have you read any of the comics/books?

Yes.

11) If you read them, which was your favorite book?

None.

12) Favorite DLCs?

Awakening. Although my Surana Warden leaving with Morrigan in Witch Hunt makes it a close second for that alone.

13) Things that annoy you.

Inquisition's tendency to refuse to allow the player to have positive Dalish content without some anti-Dalish dialogue coming at your protagonist from advisers, companions, and even minor characters. It was getting incredibly annoying to deal with the incessant anti-elven rhetoric in a game that never held the Chantry of Andraste to account for the monstrous actions it committed for centuries, like criminalizing the elven faith or purging those of other faiths, or even being able to criticize Andrastians like Celene, who committed literal genocide in Halamshiral.

Also, why is the gameplay content in the occupied nation of the Dales, a predominantly elven region, focused on humans? And what is with the weird habit of the developers making characters of color into white characters?

14) Orlais or Ferelden?

Never Orlais, although I'd prefer the autonomous Dales freed from the Orlesian occupation.

15) Templars or mages?

Mages.

16) If you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one?

I don't have multiple characters in Dragon Age. Each game has a respective protagonist since certain choices have no appeal to me (like supporting the templars or tradition in Orzammar).

17) What did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc.)

DAO: Dumat. My Surana Warden had a sense of humor.

DA2: Andoral. It had to do with the Archdemon who was slain during the Fourth Blight and the Hawke family connection to the Free Marches where the Archdemon was slain.

DAI: Sadly, there was no mabari. Maybe Andoral had puppies who stayed with Merrill.

18) Have you installed any mods?

I am on console, so unfortunately no.

19) Did your Warden want to become a Grey Warden?

My Warden wanted freedom from the Chantry at any cost.

20) Hawke’s personality?

That was determined mostly by Bioware, like being religiously Andrastian. Leaned mostly diplomatic after Act I.

21) Did you make matching armor for your companions in Inquisition?

No.

22) If your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change?

I'm sure Revas would stop Solas much sooner if that was an option.

23) Do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon?

The 'three mage' recton has no place in my canon. While Inquisition prohibits the elven protagonist from doing anything to substantially help their people (which bothers me given the nature of the Inquisition), I prefer to imagine that Revas used the considerable fortune of the Inquisition to purchase land in the Free Marches for the clans of the Dalish to reside, and that the clans who worked with Revas would settle near Kirkwall. Revas uses the knowledge of the Well that he possesses to assist the Elvhen.

Revas would establish contact with the dwarves through the thaig in Sundermount for the lyrium trade, using the Nexus Golem there to incentivize them.

The Bone Pit (there are no monsters there anymore), which now belongs to Revas (along with the extensive Hawke estate), would be used to employ the Kirkwall Alienage elves. The Estate is where the plans against Solas take place.

Merrill and Revas get together (I imagine they met before during a previous Arlathvhen that took place). They get married. They have children. Revas does not have to sacrifice his beliefs or his culture for an Andrastian significant other.

The prospect of Merrill using her Eluvian knowledge to gain access to some of the Eluvian network, and establish a sanctuary for the Dalish away from the harmful Andrastian Chantry in Thedas, is also a very appealing one. So much about how this franchise presses the reset button on any elven progress annoys the hell out of me so keeping the Dalish on a continent full of bigots and genocidal leaders isn't really my ideal option.

24) Are any of your character(s) based on someone?

No.

25) Who did you leave in the Fade?

Hawke. Given his role in setting Corypheus free it was fitting that he gave his life to stop Nightmare.

Warden Loghain should have stayed to lead the Orlesian Wardens (which he would have hated) during this crisis with the Rift; it was a missed opportunity (then again, so many decisions in that game baffle me - like reducing a continental war to a small regional conflict and having the Wardens led around by the nose by a Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain).

26) Favorite mount?

I wanted Revas to have a halla mount.