#a lot of people pity her situation (which i do as well) but sometimes it just ends up as viewing her solely as an abused child

[emphasis-on-the-oopsie]

I wanna make an essay about my amane thoughts however i think most of my thoughts were already said better by other people so just have my fave screenshot of amane

[agendabymooner]

SOMETHING REUNITED !!! SEBASTIAN V. X FEM!READER! X MARK W. (18+)

summary: sometimes a cat-and-mouse game of three can last longer than intended.

content warning: smut below the cut (minors dni), explicit language, mfm threesome, dom!sebastian and dom!mark (mentions rbr!mark and rbr!seb), multi 21, oral sex (m receiving) + deepthroat + facefucking, dumbification if you squint hard enough, double penetration + spitroast, praise kink, size kink-esque, age gap (with mark), unprotected sex (NOT RECOMMENDED)

💌re:moony's planner request: "pls more webberxsebxreader preferably smut"

note: i have a couple asks/requests sitting on my inbox for a while and this is the first thing i've written in a while 😭 i'm sorry to disappoint y'all but enjoy regardless xx

something sinful (smut) masterlist

a - n masterlist // o - z masterlist

if you’d like to get on one of my taglists, check this post out

even ten years later, she still had them chasing after her. 

working with red bull was anything but easy for her back in 2012, being a 22 years old woman and all. women in motorsports were something of a relatively new topic back then and when she made her presence known in the milton keynes factory, she would have expected things to be hard for her.

well… it was hard for her for a brief moment until a certain australian and german molded her into something more bold, giving her the attention and validation she desired. 

yet she persisted, thinking of them as people who merely wanted her to feel comfortable in the formula one field. she didn’t think much of it before.

until malaysia 2013 happened. sebastian vettel won after he stopped following a team order, causing mark webber his p1 and in the process the ‘multi 21’ controversy occurred. 

she was there to witness all of that - from mark’s radio to sebastian’s interview post-race, even their cooldown room segment. she was there. 

that was also the same night mark finally snapped and bent her over his hotel room bed, with her allowing mark to fuck the frustration out of himself while she whined and cried about how big he was— and how full she felt. 

it didn’t take long for sebastian to hear her whimpering and her pleading, as his room was situated next to mark’s. the german driver came knocking on mark’s door, and sebastian found his cock in her mouth and his hands gripping her hair. 

mark, ever the dominant man that he was, demanded the woman to suck the race winner’s cock and condescendingly told sebastian it was a ‘congratulatory gift’ from the australian. 

that was the last night they’ve ever seen each other in the same bed, but they saw each other a lot in the paddock. 

in 2014, mark left for world endurance while sebastian continued to chase after her - to which she explicitly stated that she wasn’t going to do it again. but sebastian pursued her continuously anyway.

now, in 2023, both men were retired but they always found themselves coming back to the paddock or the pit lane. mark webber had been managing a driver who was a rookie this year, while sebastian couldn’t find himself to leave the scene as he was newly retired. 

both had excuses, but no one really knew the real reason why they kept coming back. no one knew but themselves… and her. 

the ten year build up led to her hotel room by the suzuka track, her tits were splayed out and pinched and caressed by both men and her knicker becoming more damp as they continued to tease her. she uttered nothing but a pitiful sigh, something that had both men groaning in delight.

“god, i fuckin’ miss that whining of yours, baby,” mark nipped her ear, his greying stubble grazing her neck and his grubby fingers nestling themselves between her legs. “miss the way you fuckin’ plead. you miss being handled like this, don’t you?”

sebastian chuckled darkly, his hand finding itself stabilizing her chin as he examined her desperate face. “and you thought those men you’ve been fucking were fulfilling your needs,” sebastian’s german accent thickened as he gave her an amused smile, “we’ve been waiting for this for ten years, liebe.”

it was a blur, having to figure out how she went from sinking down to her knees and choking on sebastian’s cock as the tip hit the back of her throat. she could feel a lot of things.

this included mark’s hand that held her hair up and bobbed her head back and forth. mark crooned sweetly and praised her, “there we go. that’s a good girl. keep sucking his cock like that, baby. you’re doing so good for him.” 

mark nearly laughed when he watched her knees close and clench, fascinated at her submissive state as his eyes looked at her teary ones.

sebastian’s usually-bright-blue eyes were darkening as her mouth took in mark’s length, watching the way her tongue swirled around the aussie’s tip before her nose grazed the hipbone of the older man. 

mark let out a guttural groan, feeling his tip at the back of her throat as she skillfully took him in. he let out a string of curses before he muttered, “good girl. keep sucking me off like that. ‘m gonna fuck this throat of yours, hm?” he peered down at her, waiting for her go ahead and witnessing her nod. 

sebastian smirked as mark’s hips began to snap forward, lewd sounds of liquid escaping her barely empty mouth as she continued to indulge in mark’s cock.

“she can take us both so well,” sebastian crooned to the girl, stroking his cock at the same pace mark fucked her mouth with his length.

a few snaps of his hips after, mark finally pulled her mouth away and allowed her to breathe. she panted heavily, looking up at the towering man and still kneeling before them. 

“think you can take both of us, schatz?” sebastian asked the woman as if she couldn’t comprehend a word anymore. her bruised throat didn’t tell them anything, earning an amused laugh from mark and sebastian. she was already fucked out and she only sucked their cocks. 

mark could remember how desperate she was to suck him off after his loss at malaysia, wanting to please him after he grew frustrated with sebastian’s refusal of order in the track. all mark could think about was how ten years later he was going to feel her again. perhaps even better this time.

sebastian laid on the bed, gesturing for the woman to sit on his cock. 

mark’s hand helped the woman up before slapping her ass, his mouth letting out a smirk when she let out a soft sigh at the impact. 

soon, she sat on sebastian’s lap, sinking down on his cock as she let out a moan, “oh fuck…” 

she adjusted, allowing herself to bounce on sebastian’s cock for a moment before she felt mark move and settle behind her. a splatter of lube escaped its bottle as mark spread it generously, in the process his fingers prodded her back hole as she let out a soft whine. 

mark fucked her with his fingers while sebastian continued to thrust slowly, making her writhe and cry out for the two of them. they really had missed this— her pitiful and pleading moan. they missed making her cry like she hadn’t been fucked hard before. 

“mm… so fuckin’ tight,” mark whispered in her ear, pulling his hand away to stroke his cock and lubricate it. 

she nearly collapsed on top of sebastian when mark’s cock entered her slowly, both she and mark letting out loud moans. she felt so full while mark felt like she was hugging his cock tightly. 

“fuck, mark!” she exclaimed, her head nuzzling sebastian’s shoulder for a moment as she babbled, “so fucking big. god, you’re so fucking big!” 

“you’re so tight for us, schatz,” sebastian murmured and kissed her temple sweetly. “so fragile, we can barely fit ourselves in your holes.” 

“seb,” she whimpered as she muttered, “‘m so full.”

“i know you are, bebe,” sebastian said, humouring her submissive state while mocking her in the process, “you’re so full that you can’t think anymore, hm? all you can do is be a good girl for us because you’re already fucked out.” 

mark groaned loudly, now moving languidly alongside sebastian as the two men thrusted in and out of her holes. she couldn’t do much, she couldn’t even reminisce because of the sensations that she’s lost all thanks to their dominance and their primal urge to fuck her endlessly.

“you miss this, baby?” mark whispered heatedly, now moving rougher as she cried out their names. “missed this body of yours.”

“you had us running after you for years,” sebastian smirked, “now you’re a putty in our hands. such a shame you made us wait this long.”

“it’s a good thing we caught you eventually,” mark added as his eyes found her hands clawing at sebastian’s bare chest while she whined and squirmed in pleasure.

“because we’re gonna make sure you’re not gonna slip away anymore. gonna make sure you’re ours. gonna make sure everyone knows you’re ours — we’re gonna fuckin’ ruin every man for you like we did in 2013.” 

♡ moony’s reminder 🅶 (general): @hiraethrhapsody @avaleineandafryingpan @enhacolor @roseandtulips @woweewoowa @magnummagnussen @happy-nico @architect-2015 @hiireadstuff @biancathecool @scorpiomindfuck

♡   moony’s reminder 🅴 (explicit edition): @glitterf1 @savrose129 @maxillness

[bingwriterxo]

miscommunication

pairing: vada cavell x reader

summary: in which you and vada are really bad at the whole 'talking' thing

warnings: none

word count: 2300+

author's note: this was a request! the end convo might be a little confusing, but it's supposed to be! they have a lot of feelings and unsaid words, ok??

“So, like, what’s the deal with you and Vada?” Nick asked, glancing toward you.

The two of you were at his house, laying in his bed side by side, and talking about whatever came to mind. Usually, there was an energetic, babbling brunette between you, chatting your ears off and barely letting either of you get a single word in, but not this time. No, this time, Vada was at Mia Reed’s house, much to your discontent.

You clenched your jaw. “What’re you talking about?”

He twisted to lay on his side, his elbow digging into the mattress and his hand supporting his head so that he could look down at you. “I’m talking about the fact that you’ve been stewing in…whatever the hell you’re feeling right now…ever since Vada texted saying she can’t make it.”

You scoffed, thinking about the texts that the girl had sent in your group chat half an hour ago.

V ;) (6:47pm): can’t make it

V ;) (6:47pm): going to mias

V ;) (6:47pm): sorry

“I just think it’s rude to cancel on your best friends when you’re literally supposed to be hanging out with them at the time you cancel,” you said.

Nick hummed, pulling his lips tight. “Sure. That’s definitely why you’re upset.”

You sat up, eyes narrowed in suspicion and eyebrows drawn together. “Why are you saying it like that?”

He shrugged. “I just think that, maybe, you’re…jealous.” He said the last word carefully, like it would be the fuse that set off the bomb that was you.

“And why would I be jealous?” you pushed.

“Well, because you and Vada are doing”--he gestured with his hands--“whatever the hell you two are doing--”

“Friends with benefits, Nick,” you interrupted. “It has a name.”

“Yeah. That.” He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. My point is that you obviously have feelings for Vada, and our idiot friend has no idea, so she thinks it’s okay to just fuck around with whoever she wants.”

You chuckled dryly. “First of all, Vada’s not an idiot.” You paused, thought for a moment. “Okay, sometimes she’s an idiot.”

“Yeah, you got that right,” Nick muttered under his breath.

“Secondly…you think she’s fucking around with Mia?” you asked, voice cracking. Tears pricked at your eyes as you waited for him to answer, suddenly feeling too vulnerable.

“I mean, she hasn’t said anything about it, but they’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

You gulped. “Whatever.” Your eyes flitted around the room. “Just because I have feelings for Vada doesn’t mean she can’t fuck around with who she wants.” You shrugged. “It doesn’t feel great, sure, but…our situation isn’t exclusive or anything. If she wants to sleep with…Mia Reed…then she can.” You glanced down at your hands, trying to ignore the hurt building around your heart. “It doesn’t matter to me,” you finished quietly.

“Y/N,” he said softly, drawing your attention back to him. “You can talk to me about this, you know that, right? I’m not gonna run and tell Vada, okay?” He offered you a pitying smile. “I know it hurts you, and I know you don’t want to tell her about your feelings, but you should talk to someone.”

You shut your eyes, hard, and when you opened them again, you shook your head and sighed. “It’s okay, Nick. I’m fine.”

“Y/N--”

“Can we just talk about something else?” You bit your bottom lip. “Please?”

He sighed. “You know, you should try to take your mind off her. Maybe…hook up with someone else?” he suggested. When you glared at him, he said, “Wait, wait. Listen. If you hook up with other people, it’d probably help with your feelings, you know? Maybe you wouldn’t hold Vada in that…godly light you do.”

“It wouldn’t feel right.”

“Well, you said it yourself: you and Vada aren’t exclusive. It’s not like you’d be cheating on her or anything.” You mulled the thought over, and, when you didn’t respond, Nick continued with, “Just think about it, yeah?”

* * *

“Vada?” Mia asked as she opened her front door. “What’re you doing here?”

Instead of offering a response, Vada pushed past her and beelined to her bedroom, leaving the blonde to catch up. When she did, the brunette was pacing around the room, and, for a moment, Mia was positive that she’d end up burning a hole in the floor.

“Dude, what’s wrong?”

Vada turned to her, eyes wide and bottom lip pulled between her teeth. “I’m going through, like, a serious crisis right now.”

“O…kay…” Mia stepped forward, placed a hand on Vada’s shoulder, and guided her toward the bed. She sat her down, but the brunette’s leg wouldn’t stop bouncing, and Mia sighed. “I thought you were supposed to be with Y/N and Nick right now. Why don’t you talk to them about it?”

“Because Y/N is the crisis,” Vada admitted meekly. She glanced at Mia. “Every time I think about her, my heart starts racing, and I can feel my entire body get…oddly warm, and it's like I constantly itch to be around her.”

Mia’s eyes widened, her mouth falling open slightly as she whispered, “Oh.” She smiled softly, excitedly. “You like Y/N.”

Vada shook her head fervently. “No. No, I--I can’t.” She stood and began her pacing again. “I can’t like Y/N because we’re supposed to be best friends…who sleep together, I guess, but that doesn't change the fact that we started off as best friends. And--and, our…benefits thing, it’s supposed to be no strings attached, just fun, so I can’t like her, because she doesn’t like me back. Plus, that’s, like, illegal in the world of friendships.” She took a deep breath in and looked at Mia. “Isn’t it? Tell me it’s illegal, Mia.”

“Vada, it’s okay if you like her,” Mia said. “I feel like that’s bound to happen in this situation. I mean, you’re best friends, and you’re having sex. You’re kind of…basically…a little bit…in a relationship, if you think about it.” She shrugged. “So it makes sense that you’d have feelings for her.”

“No, you don’t get it. Y/N…she doesn’t see me that way. She just…doesn't.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know her.”

Mia hummed. “Have you asked her?”

Vada groaned and threw her hands over her face. “No, I haven’t asked her!” she whined into her palms. “Why would I ask her? Then she’d pick up on my feelings. Duh!”

“Maybe that’s not a bad thing?” Mia said. “I mean, Y/N could like you back, Vada. It’s not an impossibility.”

“Yes it is!” She peeled her hands away from her face to look at the other girl. “Y/N doesn’t like me. End of story. But”--she sighed--“I do like her. So, what am I supposed to do with that?”

Mia grimaced. “I really think you should talk to her.”

Vada groaned again. “You are no help!”

* * *

“Nick, I really don’t wanna go to this,” you said as the boy parked outside of Mia’s house. Through the windows, you could see flashing lights, the silhouettes of people you were sure were your classmates, and a haze of smoke.

Nick turned to you. “It’ll be fun, Y/N! You can either get drunk out of your mind or…do what we talked about.”

“Nick--”

He raised his hands in surrender. “All I’m saying is that if Brittany from math happens to flirt with you, don’t turn her down, okay? She’s hot, and I know she’s into you.”

You groaned. “Fine. Whatever.”

You climbed out of the car, slammed the door shut, and ignored Nick’s smug grin as the two of you walked to the front door. Just before you were about to push it open, he spun on his heel, and said, “Also, Vada’s gonna be here.”

“Nick!” You hadn’t talked to the girl since she flaked on your plans the other day, and you weren’t exactly keen on seeing her, the idea of her sleeping with Mia floating through your head.

“What?”

“I hate you, you know,” you grumbled.

He grinned. “Sure you do, tiger.”

The entire party was a whirlwind. One moment you were entering the house, the next you were downing your fourth or fifth shot of the night, and the next you were standing in Mia’s kitchen as Brittany from math batted her eyelashes at you and offered you a sly smile.

“I feel like I never see you at these, Y/N,” she said.

You nodded lazily, the alcohol fogging up your mind. “Yeah.”

“Well…” She ran her hand up your arm until it rested on your shoulder. “I’m glad you decided to come tonight.” She flashed you a grin as her eyes ran down your body. “You look really good.”

Nick’s idea was pounding at the front of your mind, and you knew what he’d say if he were there: Just kiss her! However, you hadn’t seen the boy since you first arrived; he had mysteriously disappeared.

“Thanks,” you said, smiling. “You look good, too.”

“You think so?” She was leaning closer to you, her hand tightening on your shoulder.

“Yeah. Yeah, you look…great.”

Her eyes flitted down to your lips. You gulped and dragged your tongue across your bottom one. She seemed to take the nervous action as one of invitation, and suddenly she was a breath away. You could feel her short puffs of air on your lips, but all you could think about was the fact that she wasn’t your brunette best friend, and that she was taller than you instead of shorter, and that her eyes were blue instead of brown. You hated it.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by the sound of a cup hitting the ground and a drink splashing across the floor. When you glanced over Brittany’s shoulder, you spotted Vada standing feet away, her eyes wide and pooling with tears, her mouth agape like she was ready to sob.

She caught your glance and turned away quickly. You watched as one of her arms drew up, hand likely swiping across her face, and your stomach dropped. You glanced back at Brittany, who looked like she was more than ready to pounce on you.

“I’m sorry,” you rushed out before slipping away from her quickly, leaving her no room to argue. You pushed through the crowd, trying to keep your eyes on the head of brown hair that you could see scurrying away. “Vada!” you called desperately. “Vada!”

She didn’t slow down. Instead, she seemed to pick up the pace, and you cursed, finding it more difficult to get past people. You didn’t bother to apologize for any drinks you spilled, or for bumping into couples making out, or for ignoring other people trying to talk to you. You just needed to get to Vada.

Finally, you caught her outside, where she bent over, her hands on her knees, and, at first, you thought she was throwing up. You were quickly proven wrong, however, as you heard her gasping for air, trying to keep her sobs at bay.

You approached her slowly. “V,” you said quietly, placing a hand on her back. She whirled around and took a step back, staring up at you with an expression that could only be described as pure hurt. “Vada…”

“Don’t,” she warned. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, V,” you said, taking a step forward. “Listen, what you saw back there--”

“Is fine,” she interrupted. “We’re just best friends with benefits, and…and you don’t like me, and that’s fine.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, confused. “What…? Why would that matter?”

She scoffed and glanced at her feet. “Yeah, why would that matter?” she repeated sarcastically.

“Vada, I’m being serious.” You took another cautious step forward and ducked down a bit so that you could look her in the eyes. “I understand if you’re upset, okay? I mean, I get it…but, you know, we should probably talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

You huffed. “Fine. If you want to close yourself off like this, then fine. I know how you operate, V, and I know I’m not gonna get anything out of you like this. I just…I want you to be okay.”

She looked at you. “Is that why you were kissing Brittany? Because you want me to be okay?”

“I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean!” You threw your arms out to the side, let them fall and slap against your legs. “I’m just trying to--to forget about the whole…friends with benefits shit right now and just be your friend, Vada.” You slumped your shoulders. “Can you just talk to me?”

“I like you, okay?!” she shouted suddenly, clenching her eyes shut. “I like you, and you obviously don’t like me back, and that’s fine. I’ll deal.” She ran a hand down her face. “You should probably go back inside to Brittany.”

Silence blanketed you, filling the air as you took in her words.

“You like me?”

Vada bit her bottom lip and sighed in defeat. “Yeah. I do.” She looked at you. “I’m sorry.”

“I thought you were--Are you not sleeping with Mia, too?”

Her face scrunched. “Why would I be sleeping with Mia?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. You guys have just been spending a lot of time together, and Mia’s, you know, conventionally attractive, and Nick brought it up, and I just…I don’t know. The idea stuck with me, I guess.”

“Well, I’m not sleeping with Mia. I don’t…” She shivered. “I can’t even think of Mia that way.”

“Oh.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “So, you like me?”

“Do I have to say it again?”

You chuckled suddenly, and Vada watched you. “Dude, we’re fucking idiots.”

“W--what?”

“I like you, too, Vada.” You shrugged, looking around sheepishly. “I just didn’t say anything because I thought that you were, you know, not into me like that.”

“But…Brittany?”

“Nick wanted me to try hooking up with someone else to distract myself from you.” You scoffed. “Obviously it didn't work. But, I mean, we didn’t--I didn’t kiss her. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Her eyes widened as the realization hit her, and she laughed. “Oh my god, we are literally so stupid!”

“I know,” you said. You took a step forward, cupped her cheek with your hand. “So, does this mean I can kiss you, then? You know, in a more romantic way than friends with benefits?”

Vada nodded. “Yes please.”

Before you even had the chance to pull her in, she was pressing her lips to yours, melding them together like she never wanted to be separated from you again. And, honestly, you didn’t think that sounded half bad.

bonus: “you know,” mia said as she watched you and vada in the backyard. “we’re pretty good at this whole meddling thing.”

“yeah,” nick agreed. he took a sip from his drink. “we really are.”

[aliciavance4228]

This is a very silly and cliché rambling, but honestly I think that out of all cartoon characters Princess Bubblegum resembles Athena the most when in terms of personality.

Both of them are very intelligent and lots of inventions from the universes they live in are credited to them. Both of them are authority figures in one way or another (Princess Bubblegum being the ruler of a kingdom, whereas Athena being the Patron of Athens) and both of them are beloved by their citizens. Lastly, both of them are connected to heroes. When Princess Bubblegum isn't the one to be saved, she usually acts as a wise figure/voice of reason towards Finn and either gives him weapons created by her or new tasks. Meanwhile Athena helped and supported lots of famous heroes, including Perseus, Heracles, Diomedes, Odysseus etc.

However, both of them have a dark side that many Adventure Time Fans and Greek Mythology Enthusiasts respectively either don't acknowledge or choose to overlook.

Princess Bubblegum presents a kind, good-hearted and polite personality at the very first sight. And yet, throughout the episodes her malicious and temperamental layer becomes more and more obivious every time someone is crossing her. She's a perfectionist, and every time she doesn’t manage to acomplish something she immediately gets frustrated. She's very competitive and over-confident, which makes her overlook the consequences of her own actions sometimes. Only when it's too late she starts to feel quily and criticize herself. The more pissed off she is, the more ruthless she could become, even if that means unnecessarily harming other people in the process. She also values logic and science over her moral code, which is the main cause of her low emphathy and even sadic sense of humor in disturbing situations.

Athena, on the other hand, is presented as a stoic, wise and just deity most of the time. She's supposed to symbolize civilization and the rational, learned aspects of the human psyche rather than the instinctual parts of the human nature. A very common take approved by many people also states that she's representing the strategic side of war, whereas Ares represents the violent war. For all that, she also proves in certain Greek Myths not only that even the wisest figures can make mistakes, but also that her wrath can become very visible (and very dangerous) every time someone is challenging or getting on her nerves. She's also very competitive, which is clearly presented either in the myth of Athens or in the myth of Arachne. She's insecure about her looks, which is why she threw her own invention (the flute) from Mount Olympus after the other gods started to make fun of her, or why she is present during the Judgement of Paris. Finally, she's secretely enjoying the brutal aspects of war just like her brother. The only difference is that she's better at hidding her aggressive, blood-thristy nature than Ares. But that doesn’t mean that she didn't show this side of her as well. She can become impulsive and merciless and would do anything to win, even if that means leaving hundreds of innocent people to die. My goodness, she's absolutely terrifying in the Iliad! At the same time, she also had her own moments when she realized her mistakes and regretted her decisions. The very first example that comes to my mind right now is one version of the myth of Arachne where she turned her into a spider out of pity after she tried to kill herself, or when she gave Tiresias the gift of augury after she blinded him.

So it's really intersting to observe that two seemingly different characters actually have way more things in common other than their intellect. I just wish people would stop erasing their complexity and be aware of their greatest flaws instead of portraying both of them just as quirky nerds.

[nrilliree]

It's hilarious to see the antis losing their minds over Daemyra's HBO video called Love Story. They keep repeating that this is grooming and that the relationship should not be romanticized and glorified. It's frankly worrying to see all these people throwing around such a serious word so seriously when they probably don't know the definition. Book or show, Daemyra is not grooming. And these people make me laugh. They complain about seeing Daemyra as a romance when that's what it is. It's not because there is an age difference and incest that the relationship is toxic, open a history book for pity's sake people... A bit of culture. The toxic elements of the show don't even exist in the book. Like Daemon's delirium taking Rhaenyra to the brothel in episode 4 (and even if it has a toxic aspect, not only that, it's also a liberating scene for Rhaenyra's character. It's a complex scene. Gray. Not black or white) Or even when he strangles her in episode 10. (which many people point out elsewhere to counter the video, while once again, in the book it does not exist, and this scene has already been criticized a lot for its inconsistency...) Even if also, I don't know in what world these people live, but they are aware that a romance can have problematic aspects in fiction? This is nothing new. Especially in fantasy universes. This tendency to associate love with a situation only deemed pure is also worrying. Especially in a fictional format made for entertainment. Also, worst comment: "Everyone forgets what Emma D'Arcy says about Dameyra?!!!!!!!" As gospel. Let's be clear, Emma D'Arcy is a human being who can and does say stupid things, exactly like calling Daemyra grooming. Especially since in the same interview where she talked about it, she was completely wrong about Rhaenyra's age! But hey, since it's a trend in this fandom to rejuvenate Rhaenyra to make her appear underage in episode 4, I imagine that people don't care about this detail. Plus, for what it's worth, she's also spoken highly of Dameyra in different interviews and even said she would read fanfiction of them. 😂 So frankly, it makes me gently laugh at those who promote Emma D'Arcy's words as the ultimate truth. Worse, there are even people who don't like Rhaenicent and claim that it's a better romance than Daemyra. In what ? In the show, apart from the completely occ strangling scene we can't say that Daemon actually did anything bad to Rhaenyra. While I recall that Alicent, not only in addition to having injured Rhaenyra, giving her a lifelong scar by having tried to take Lucerys' eye, well she harassed her and her children for 10 whole years, threatening peacefully the lives of his children. Not to mention that she then usurped him, while hiding the death of Viserys while she crowned Aegon II. But I guess a woman can't do any harm so all that doesn't count...

I stick to the principle that actors are only actors, the same people as you and me, and their words are not prophetic revealed truth. They can be smart, or they can be completely stupid. In fact, an actor is a tool to bring the writer's and director's vision to life, so just because an actor says X doesn't mean the writer will be wrong when he says Y. People ALWAYS have a problem with character relationships in books and movies. Sometimes these problems make sense, and sometimes they come out of nowhere. I would understand that people have a problem with Daemyra because they think that incest is wrong and there should be no exceptions even for a culture where it is normal. Or that they think there is too much of an age difference between them. People have this right. It was similar, for example, with Darklina. When people said "I think that Alina and Aleksander shouldn't be together because he is much older than her, so they have too much of a generation difference" it was okay, it was their right. But when they said "he is a pedophile because he wants to have a relationship with a teenager!!!1" it was already wrong and untrue. And it's exactly the same with Darklina. People do not focus on what could be a problem, but invent their own problems, using big words that they do not know the meaning of. They throw around "pedophile" and "grooming" left and right, even if the situation does not fit the definition of this meaning in any way. I do not understand this. If you don't have any real, valid arguments as to why something is bad, why would you want to argue that it is?

[angeat]

@arcvmonth day 18

"an earnest unrequited love, wanting to make it bear a little happiness" reference

i have posted about my au a couple of times, it's not specific to arc v though it involves yuya and yuri so i shall take this chance to ramble

to introduce. an excerpt of a ramble about my au: "i have my focus sort of split between yuri and yuya's yanhomo weirdness pov v.s. bakura trying to not kill punch beat the shit out of worship marry johan while anzu takes an irritated drag from her cigarette pov" so it's a whole Every Yugioh Crossover and a part of the premise is everyone is at least mildly to severely out of character johan and mokuba are quite different for instance. there aren't relevant arc v characters aside from the aforementioned two but i can mention some. also little extra designs

yugo is yuya's older half brother on yoko's side (likes motorcycles per her influence), they don’t visit each other often but they do talk regularly, yugo tries supporting yuya and being a proper big brother as much as he can. yuto is yuri's estranged older brother but yuri has no memory of him because he was too young when they were separated and yuri was adopted by leo (yes reiji and reira are his siblings. the akabas continue to be the most dysfunctional family ever) yuzu and gongenzaka are yuya's best friends per usual. yuri ran away with yuya for their survival since it's no good to stay in the same spot with a billionaire ceo guy (seto kaiba) tracking them and a jail escapee (kyosuke kiryu) but also just because he wants to have yuya alone

(yuzu and gongenzaka look about the same so just the yu’s and yo)

i frame my au yuri with a lot of yandere shit just because i think it's fun and he does stalk yuya + sometimes treats him like something of a boyfriend but he isn't really in love with yuya? yuri loves and admires himself above all but he sees himself in yuya. literally physically because he thinks they have similar faces and yuri has always unconsciously wanted something of a normal life and family so seeing yuya have that meant projecting on yuya became his favorite hobby. and now because of their situation they're in he uses this new forced closeness with someone for the first time to act out everything he's never experienced (a friend, a parent, a lover)

despite how much yuya might be creeped out or uncomfortable, since yuri has been the real reason he's been able to survive, he feels like he doesn't really have the right to reject yuri in any sense, by all means he's dependent on him in this situation and he can't just leave and go to anyone else unless he wants to put them in danger. also helps that he's scared shitless of him both because yuri is armed, merciless, and he would hurt yuya himself if he wanted to as he only needs yuya alive beyond that yuri doesn't really care how he is physically or mentally. the arrangement is a bit of a nightmare though coming to understand the way he thinks and acts, yuya genuinely pities yuri for the way that he is so he wants to help him be more normal and genuinely befriend him in return for everything he's done to protect him and starts to treats this as something of an obligation but yuri makes it hard to do anything nice for him

(since yuri is a solider baby and views socialization through a power hierarchy he sees these attempts of being kind and friendly as yuya acting above yuri, which he obviously doesn't take very well since he refuses to be below anyone except for leo, his dad. the only reason yuri acts the familiar way he does with yuya is because he sees them on equal footing since in his perspective yuya is essentially an extension him but he still by default treats yuya as someone below him, so yuya can't reciprocate acts of familiarity without yuri being the one to initiate them)

also the au is a future diary au. forgot to mention. yuya and yuri are two of twelve people trying to kill each other and have diaries that tell the future. it follows nothing about future diary outside of that basic premise, yuya and yuri are not the main characters.

clothes concept + notes + etc because you know. i might as well while i’m at it i doubt i’m sharing these any other time

this is test thing of a noncanon scene i had in my head there's the rest of it in script because i could not be damned

[fryandleelasbigfling]

there's an argument that i see recurring in the futurama fandom -- i think it's a minority opinion but i've seen it across multiple platforms, from multiple people, and it very much annoys me so i'm making my lengthy counterargument. this will be ranty and i apologize.

the idea that fry and leela are toxic because "leela wanted him to change for her" is such a weird and even reductive way to not just view the ship, but relationships in general.

(this is a long post, because i have a lot of Feelings on the topic, so i'll put a readmore.)

first off leela has always liked fry. maybe not romantically (there's signs that she had a crush on him early on, but it didn't get serious til way down the line), but she related to him, took pity on him, and quit her job for him (which! was! illegal!) because he gave her the courage to do so. in the second episode, he also helps her see the beauty on the moon, something she used to take for granted. she has always seen potential in fry to inspire her and open her eye to new possibilities.

but she still has a lot of hang-ups about fry, leading into the "she needed him to change" thing. here's the thing about fry and leela: leela does not force fry to change, she inspires fry to change, because she believes he can change. bender and leela are the first ones to meet fry and understand his situation, his loneliness, the feeling you don't belong anywhere. the difference is that while bender often indulges fry's more immature and selfish traits, leela is more willing to protect fry's safety and call him out on his stupidity. for some reason (probably projection), people think this is abusive. yes, leela can be hard on him (so can the entire crew, but for some reason, people only get mad when it's the female lead being mean), but it's because she's his captain and his friend and his recklessness often puts himself and others in danger. "my three suns" and "brannigan begin again" both showcase how dangerous it can be if fry (and bender) don't have leela to reel them in.

and i think fry is aware of this, and feels bad about it, so as the series progresses, he tries more often to take command and help her out when he can (i.e. learning to fly the ship). there's also "parasites lost" where he decides he only wants to earn leela's affection if it comes entirely from him, and i've seen the argument that this proves leela only likes him if he changes, but a lot of what fry said were his true feelings, so it's really setting up that leela could be attracted to fry if fry could understand his own feelings well enough to articulate them with confidence (and not bring up his exes in the meantime, lmao). even in the most recent episode, he cleans up his apartment for leela's sake.

people sometimes compare leela to michelle. they're both forceful but lonely women who often take authority over fry. but the difference is that michelle doesn't really see value in fry beyond manipulating him to make herself feel better by comparison. i'd also like to bring up morgan, who explicitly romanticized fry being a lazy slob... and fry never really looks that happy about it! he goes along with it because he goes along with pretty much anything (he explicitly says he dated her because he was desperate), but a relationship where his worst habits are indulged isn't what he wants or needs. fry has spent his whole life being told he's worthless, and he's kind of accepted that, but leela sees his good heart and charm and she does want that for herself, but she's also honest about what stands in the way.

and here's a bit of a personal note: i know many people who relate to fry are neurodivergent. i am too! and it can hurt being seen as "immature" or feeling like you have to conform to neurotypical standards to be accepted. but you know what else sucks? wanting to be better, but not knowing how to be better, and not having any motivation to be better. leela was that motivation. i struggled for years believing i didn't need to be better because my mental health issues were so intrinsic to my identity, and accepting that i can be Myself but still be Healthy was very useful. i find a lot of the fry-leela plot very empowering, as i like to believe there's someone who will like my quirks but also push me in the right direction. leela thinks fry is silly and stupid, and she often strongly disagrees with his tastes, but she is endeared by his unique approach to love because of how genuine he is about it all (see: her love for his office supplies dinner in "fry and leela's big fling," and even the bit with the wine glasses in bender's big score).

fry knows leela is also lonely and miserable, but that she appreciates his company, to the point he believes "she'll never be happy without me" (a mindset he outgrows as it makes him unhealthily jealous and clingy). the entire point of bender's big score is that, as messed up as lars is, leela is attracted to a version of fry who better understands how to talk to her, and this experience helps her appreciate fry a lot more going forward as she truly sees he has the potential to be a good boyfriend. she just needed to see it detached from fry himself. and fry learns to let leela be happy even before he knows about lars' identity! he is capable of growth on his own because he hates seeing her upset!

as for why leela takes forever to commit to him... well, with his impulsivity issues, unintentional rudeness, questionable hygiene, and internalized sexism, he takes a while to be the kind of person she's willing to date. and she's not entitled to him! yes, it is annoying how flippant she can be (though that's also an issue with the writers not wanting to commit), and she absolutely sucks at communication. but if we can take fry's background into consideration here, we also need to take leela's into consideration. she grew up alone, bullied, neglected, repeatedly told she was unloved, and multiple times she trusted someone who said they loved her, only to be discarded once they got what they wanted from her (i.e. sex and labor). she is also terrified of being judged and thus puts a lot of weight on being successful and normal, with her relationships being an extension of that. "the cyber house rules" is all about how she wants to be with a man who makes her look good. this is a character flaw she overcomes as all these men of high status treat her like dirt and she realizes fry is the one who cares about her the most, and she doesn't have to compromise just to be taken seriously.

but fry is her best friend, the only one who really gets her (besides her parents), and she has a lot to lose if she dates him and it goes poorly, and she's too insecure to trust that she's worth it. which is why it's great that fry becomes a better person for her! she deserves to be treated with respect! and episodes like "fun on a bun" show that not only does fry change for her, he also helps her loosen up in turn, and let herself act more carefree and childish after having to grow up and conform to society so fast. "the impossible stream" also shows leela making an effort to be less judgmental, even if she worries fry could be in danger. so it is definitely not just fry who changes for this relationship.

generally i think people who hate leela and make her out to be so emotionally abusive are projecting something personal that isn't there and missing the scope of fry and leela's complex relationship, and it feels unfair. especially when other (male) characters who do the same things and worse (particularly bender) get a pass. she's far from perfect, and that makes her a great character, but she grows and learns, and so does fry -- because they want to learn and grow for each other's sake.

[an-au-blog]

about this

Oh, okay, I got you ;))

@snowlynxdraws this one's for you<3

(though for my own sanity, I'm going to keep very little of the actual movie because I don't remember most and don't want to rewatch it, tho I'm gonna leave that one iconic dialogue...)

Sanji was Luffy's friend, not Zoro's. He was also friends with Nami sweet and lovely Robin, not the Marimo. He loved hanging out with Usopp and even the upperclassmen Franky and the weird music teacher Brook. But. Not. Zoro.

So it came off as a surprise that he always ended up in situations where he and Zoro were (sometimes literally) pushed together.

It really was a pity, because, in the beginning, they were getting along. And Sanji wouldn't exactly admit he enjoyed his brief bond, but he also couldn't deny he missed it sometimes. Their dynamic only changed because that stupid marimo started picking fights out of nowhere. At first, he thought it was for fun, but by now Sanji thought he might as well genuinely hate him.

Sanji was in the changing room with the rest of the team. He started track not because he wanted to, but because the soccer team didn't have enough people and the cooking club wasn't "an official extracurricular". He didn't mind it, but was it often at the same time as the kendo club. Which meant he and Zoro saw each other and possibly even walked home together quite often.

Sanji could never really hated Zoro, that was the problem, because he tried, but could never really learn to do it. Zoro on the other hand, seemed to despise him.

So it seemed quite odd that every time, Zoro insisted on them waiting for each other. It wasn't even like they split ways at some point, it was just Zoro walking him home. He was curious, he had to know, so one day he decided to ask.

"Why do you keep insisting on walking home together." It was a simple and straightforward question.

Zoro scoffed with a smug smile. "Wouldn't you like to know, curly..."

"Yes, I would! That's why I'm asking, idiot!" Sanji could feel him getting on his nerves again. But he wanted to be the bigger man and not start the inevitable fight.

He took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one.

Zoro's head shot to him. "What are you doing? Where did you even get those?"

Sanji wanted to act cool "Why, because it's illegal for someone my age to buy-"

"Don't you know how horrible those are for your health? Especially your lungs, you do track for crying out loud!" He sounded serious, "They could kill you, you know..." even a bit sad.

The blond boy didn't know what to say. He never expected any amount of care to be coming from Zoro. He quickly thought of a response, he couldn't let the marimo have the moral high ground!

"What do you care," he tisked, "it's not like it's your business how much I live! And with the way you act, you getting on my nerves all the time will kill me long before these things do," he waved the cigarette in demonstrated. And continued walking. A bit of a low blow, he knew that... but he panicked.

Zoro was stuck in place, still trying to comprehend what the other said: "Getting on your- wha- Hey, wait up!" He ran to catch up with Sanji. Zoro was completely silent for the rest of the walk. It was like he was sulking.

They reached Sanji's house. It was one of those big houses with a pool and a big backyard. Sora - Sanji's mother, got a lot out of her ex after the divorce. Ever since Sanji's older siblings moved out, it's been a meeting spot for Luffy and the others. Reiju moved back in after she finished college, but it's only for her so-called "year of freedom", before her master's degree. Sanji hated that every time they got close to his house he just knew she could see them. He didn't have evidence she was there, but he had that feeling.

"Welp, bye." Sanji tried to make this awkward moment as short as possible, but a hand grabbed him.

Zoro was looking down with a thoughtful look, his other hand was gripping and fidgeting with the strap of his backpack.

"What." No answer... "What is it?" he tried to keep his voice down but with all the annoyance that was building up, the words seemed hissed and meaner than expected.

He didn't answer just let go and walked away. Sanji didn't think much of it, sure it was weird, but he was sure it wasn't a big deal.

The next day Zoro left early. Offhandedly Sanji asked "Where is he going?"

"He wanted to go home early." One of his teammates answered.

Which Sanji found odd for two reasons: 1. that was not the way they usually left, in fact, it was the opposite way. And 2. Zoro rarely left early from practice, dare he say never.

Sanji didn't think much of it. Until it happened again. And then again. And then it was Saturday and he thought that at least they'll see each other then. And just like expected, every one of them came over to his house to hang out. Nami mainly came for the pool, Chopper came to eat the sweets that Sora always bakes for him, and all of them had favorite parts of hanging out. And now that Zoro was here and avoiding him, with an ache in his chest, Sanji had to finally admit that his favorite part was Zoro.

Sanji tried telling Usopp, as the only friend he'd trust enough to tell - he would never tell anyone, he could lie if anyone asked, and even if (on the off chance) he told the truth half of them wouldn't believe him. So he tells him that he thinks Zoro is avoiding him. To which Usopp laughs and tells him there's no way that's the case. But Sanji knew it was! The swordsman would see Sanji approach him and jump in the water. When he tells him he wants to talk, Zoro flips him off saying he's already talking to Luffy. When he finally catches him alone, he says he's already leaving.

It was infuriating.

Zoro left early. And all Sanji did was watch the door close in front of him. He had to snap out of it, so Usopp kicked him in the shins.

Sanji: Ow! What the hell man?

Usopp: Are you insane! Go after him!

Sanji: What?

Usopp: Yeah yeah no need to gloat, something really is up,

he started pushing him out,

Usopp: Now go, go, go, before he's too far!

Sanji put on his running shoes and started running after him. Zoro turned around, saw him, and started walking faster. The anger only fueled Sanji to catch up to him even faster.

Sanji: Hey! Heeey!

He shouted from the distance to make the other stop, but he didn't.

Sanji, a few steps from Zoro, launched himself forward with a jump that would give Olympians a run for their money: Maaarimooo!

Zoro stumbled forward, Sanji ganging from his back, grabbing onto whatever clothing item that would keep him from falling. It took exactly 15 seconds for Zoro to lose balance and fall.

Zoro: What is wrong with you! You could've killed me!

Sanji, groaning from the fall but still holding on: I wanna talk to you.

Zoro: No, you don't.

Sanji tightened his grip: I do! Why are you avoiding me?

Zoro: I'm not! Let go, you're gonna rip my jacket!

Sanji: Stop lying! You're avoiding me! Just admit it, you won't even talk to me in class, you leave without me, what did I do to you, you big baby?!

Zoro: Why should you care, you hate me!

Sanji:...

As if on cue, rain started to pour down. It was like the sky had ripped open.

Zoro, pulling Sanji up: Shit, we gotta get out of here. Come on.

He grabbed Sanji by the hand and dragged him two more blocks before opening a front door. He dropped his keys on the shelf and took off his boots and coat.

Zoro: Come on, I'll give you some dry clothes. You can wait out the rain or call your mom to pick you up if you want.

Sanji, looking around: Is this your house? I can't believe I've never been here before.

A small set of footsteps came up to them. A little girl with pink hair in ponytails hid behind Zoro's leg.

Zoro: Perona, introduce yourself to our guest.

Sanji, kneeling down to be at eye level with the little girl: Well, hello there, I'm Sanji, nice to meet you.

Perona just stuck her tongue out at him.

Zoro turned to his sister "Atta girl!" he gave her a high five and turned back to Sanji, "She doesn't like strangers." He looked back at Perona, patting her hair "is dad here?" She shook her head 'no'. "Alright, I'll be in my room and I need you to stay out of it, you hear me?" She made a sour face, huffed and stormed off.

They went to his room and Sanji was a bit surprised by how clean it was. Before he could say anything, he got a shirt and a pair of sweatpants thrown in his face.

Zoro: Here, I'll wait outside if you want.

He started walking out, but Sanji called out: Wait!

Zoro turned around.

Sanji: ...I don't hate you.

Zoro's gaze faltered. He took a small breath and hung his head a bit lower, letting out a quiet: Tell me when you're done dressing.

And so Sanji did. Now dry and waiting for the rain, they both stood awkwardly in Zoro's room.

Sanji: You never told me you lived this far from my house.

Zoro: You never asked.

Sanji: Well, I thought we were friends, that's what friends do, we tell each other things.

Zoro: Are we friends?

Sanji tried not to show how much that hurt him. He started looking at things around the room to distract himself: Oh, you got a nice setup, got any games?

He was pointing at the computer on his desk.

Zoro: Not a lot. I mostly just let Perona play those pink princess games.

Sanji, muttering under his breath: I didn't know you had a sister either...

Zoro: What was that?

Sanji: I said I expected something weirder, haha...

After a little pause, Sanji decided that he needed to say it now, or else he'd never have the courage to.

Sanji: I want us to be.

Zoro: What...?

Sanji: Friends. You asked if we were friends, I want us to be.

Zoro sneered: Why? I'm gonna kill you, remember?

Sanji: Because you're annoying. And because you chew so loud I can hear you from across the room -

Zoro: what are you-

Sanji: Because you're dumb and obnoxious and pick fights with me for no reason-

Zoro: Hey, I-

Sanji, still not listening: and because you're funny and fun to be around, and because you're hardworking and you keep me company even when I don't want it, and because I think it's so unfair that all the girls in class like you, because you're actually kind of handsome, and your skin is always clean, like how is it so clean? and you're so mean and rude and when I ask for a favor you always say no but still do it and-

Sanji finally stopped to take a breath. He realized what he was saying.

Sanji:... shit.

Zoro was looking at him in shock: I... half of that stuff was terrible.

He laughed.

Sanji started feeling his face burn up. He covered it with his hands and hunched over in hopes of making himself smaller. He felt one of Zoro's hands on his, trying to peel it away.

Zoro: Hey- wait, foes that mean that you-

Sanji: No, shut up, don't say it!

Zoro, gasping: You do! You like me too!

He tried pulling Sanji's hands away from his face again, the same time when Sanji decided to put them down and turn to him.

Sanji: Wait, you-

The suddenness of Zoro's pull and the Sanji's motion shortened their distance and Sanji's sentence was cut off by the pair of lips crashing into his.

Sanji backed away: Idiot!

then in a quieter, still angry voice, he continued: That- that was my first kiss!

Zoro saw how upset Sanji was by the thought of having his first kiss with him and his mood soured.

Zoro muttered under his nose: Well it was mine too...

A rush of panic ran through Sanji because... why was Zoro's pouting kind of cute? How could he find Zoro of all people cute???

Sanji slapped both hands on either side of Zoro's face and pulled him in for a second kiss. But he got a bit too excited and it turned out to become more of a headbutt than a kiss.

They both pulled away grabbing their foreheads.

Sanji: Ow!

Zoro: Curly! What the-

A little gasp made their heads snap. Perona was at the door, hands on her mouth in dramatic shock.

Zoro stood up: I told you not to come in, damn it!

She giggled and ran away. Zoro followed her and Sanji followed Zoro. He bumped into Zoro after his abrupt halt. He looked up and it was a man with facial hair and a wine glass in hand. Sanji assumed it was Zoro's dad.

Mihawk: Your mom's here to pick you up.

He took a sip.

Sanji was a bit surprised: Oh!... right. Okay.

He went home, and the whole time he couldn't stop thinking about what happened.

The next few weeks there was a big festival their school was preparing for and Sanji and Zoro could never get enough alone time to talk about what happened. All they did was help out their class and then the whole friend group would crash at Sanji's place to try and do more work, but they all just ended up goofing off or watching a movie.

They were in charge of making props for the drama club and different signs, for the maze, for different prizes, for the kissing booth, and other things. In reality, Usopp and Robin were the ones who drew all the signs, while Zoro and Sanji cut them out. Franky glued them, which was the easiest part in Sanji's opinion and he was extremely jealous. But then again, Nami told everyone what to do, so he couldn't possibly complain. Well... he could complain that Luffy never did anything, but that was Luffy after all.

Sanji tried talking to Zoro a couple of times but the first time, a dog that Luffy snuck into the house almost ate all their shoes and they had to chase it around all day. Then he tried again but Nami scolded them for slacking off and sat between them to make sure there was no irrelevant chit-chat. Then he tried again but Usopp accidentally glued his hands together with Franky's super glue and they had to drive him to the hospital because they all panicked and didn't know what to do.

One day Sanji decided he had enough. Upon everyone walking into the house, he grabbed Zoro and dragged him upstairs as fast as possible, hoping no one saw them (and hoping Usopp would cover for them if anyone started suspecting anything).

He pushed him into his room and shut the door behind himself.

Zoro looked a bit startled and maybe even flustered: Wha- why, uh, what are we- uh... doing?

He smiled awkwardly.

Sanji: Not whatever you're thinking of, you pervert. I wanted to talk about that... um.. you know. What happened.

Zoro: You're one to call me a pervert!

Sanji, rolling his eyes: Not the point, marimo! I wanna know... um...

He felt like a frog was stuck in his throat. Zoro took a step towards him. It didn't help. Sanji kept looking at his lips and couldn't stop thinking about the kiss.

Sanji: Did you mean to... did you really want to kiss me?

Zoro: Yes

Sanji: So what? You like me?

Zoro: Yes

Sanji, startled how honest and quick the answer was: o- oh... w- well too bad both our first two kisses were so horrible then...

Zoro taking another step closer: You know what they say, third one's the charm...

Sanji: You and your three's...

They were just about to close the distance between each other when the door opened and Sanji quickly jumped behind the door. It was Reiju, she looked at Zoro, around and then at Zoro again.

Reiju: Have you seen Sanji?

Zoro, panicking: Shitty brows? Nope, He's probably in the toilet or something...

Reiju, giving him a disbelieving look, but smiling anyway: Well, tell him Nami was looking for him when you see him. And be nice to him. He's developing a bit of a crush on you.

Zoro: Really, I had no idea.

Reiju: Yeah, boys never do.

And she left. This was the most embarrassing day of Sanji's life. He couldn't even look at Zoro after that. Sure, they held hands under the table for a bit before lunch, but he just couldn't look at him in the eyes. Zoro found it kind of funny, charming even.

The day of the festival was after a couple of days. They still had no time one-on-one, but it was a bit better.

But like all good things in Sanji's life, it never lasted long. It turned out that by popular demand, Zoro and some other guy were chosen to be the ones at the kissing booth. Sanji knew he shouldn't feel as bad as he was. He finally came to terms with the fact that he might have feelings for his classmate and maybe it was even reciprocal. But this just felt like the rug was pulled from under him. It wasn't like they were together, but when the class president announced this, he couldn't help but ask to be excused. He ran to the toilets and started balling his eyes out.

He heard the door of the bathroom swing open and he instinctively put his feet up, scared that someone would see or hear him. It was even worse when he heard Zoro's voice call for him, he almost let out a squeak. He's never heard Zoro sound so scared and worried.

Zoro: Cook? Are you here? I'll try to talk to them to replace me.

A silence that did nothing to soothe Sanji ensued.

Zoro continued, his voice was now closer: Please Sanji, come out...

The cook's heart was going to jump out at the mention of his name. Zoro rarely used his name, if ever. But the moment the thought of unlocking the door crossed his mind, someone came to fetch Zoro and practically dragged him out.

Sanji was feeling unwell. He wanted to go home.

Upon walking back to his house, Sanji threw his backpack on his chair and collapsed on the bed. He didn't even have the energy to cry anymore.

Reiju came to his room, tried to talk to him, see what was wrong but he didn't utter a single word. At some point, something must have happened because Sora called for Sanji, but Reiju told him to stay and that she'd see what their mother needed.

It was raining outside. Sanji noticed when the sound of thunder startled him. There must have been a window or a door open because it was unexpectedly loud. For a second he thought he heard Zoro's voice arguing with his sister. But there was no way that was the case. Maybe it was just the rain and exhaustion. He drifted into sleep.

On the day of the festival, Sanji was at the booth, celling tickets. They figured people would pay more money if they didn't see their spending as actual money but in the form of tickets. "Like in a casino", Nami had said. People would buy tickets from desks like the one Sanji was at and then pay with the tickets for various attractions, food, or entertainment. At one point Franky came to take his place for a bit. He told him to go have fun because he knew how much it sucked being stuck in one place while everyone else was running about. Sanji didn't feel like having "fun" but Franky insisted. So he didn't really have any choice but to listen to his upperclassman.

He started walking around, but nothing caught his eye. He had a couple of tickets that Franky gave him, "free of charge" he said, but Sanji was sure that was just another way to call "stealing".

He got caught by some of his underclassmen, who insisted he bought something from their stand. He really wanted to say no, but they had those puppy eyes that he didn't have the heart to say no. He kept walking, realizing he still has ten to twenty minutes before Franky lets him go back to his post and he had no more tickets.

He started walking around, being sure there was another ticket booth around here somewhere. But where?

Finally, he saw a booth from behind with a big line in front of it. It must be the ticket booth - they were always packed, especially near the entrances. He walked to the front, just to see that it was not a ticket booth, in fact, it was the very thing he was trying to avoid - the kissing booth. He reflexively cringed, seeing the boy Zoro was supposed to be with on shift. Still, the impulse to look at the other kissing booth next to him was too great. With great fear his eyes shifted to see an unfamiliar face.

... It wasn't Zoro.

The other person wasn't Zoro.

Where the hell was Zoro then? What was going on?

A distant "Sanji!" sounded. Sanji looked around to see who it was but didn't see anyone. Then he heard it again "Sanjiiii!" Sanji turned his head, looking up at an open window where Zoro was shouting at him. The moment their eyes met, the world stopped. Zoro put both feet on the edge of the window and got ready to jump into the tree right next to it.

Sanji: Idiot! STOP!

Zoro, ignoring everyone around him (including Sanji), who were screaming at him not to do it, jumped, broke a couple of branches, and fell on his ass with a couple of bruises. Sanji ran to him. Zoro stood up grunting in pain.

Sanji: Moron! Why would you do that?!

Zoro: You were avoiding me! I looked for you everywhere, I couldn't let you run again.

Sanji: What are you tlaking about, I've been at the ticket booth all this time.

Zoro: ... really? Wait- no, never mind that. I wanted to tell you that I really like you!

Sanji, not knowing whether to be embarrassed because he was being confessed to by his crus, or being embarrassed because he was doing it in public so loudly: what!!!???

Zoro: I have for a while now, I don't want to ever kiss anyone other than you! And I never will! Even when we get old and wrinkly like Mr Brook!

Sanji: Don't say that kind of thing so loud I-... don't tell me you said that to the class president.

Zoro: I dind't.

Sanji, sighing in relief: Ok...

Zoro: I told the whole class after you left.

Sanji: WHAT?!

Zoro: I told them to find someone else because I'll never kiss anyone other than you. I want to be yours only.

Sanji felt like crying again. He couldn't ever describe the hoops Zoro made his heart jump though. Sanji, disregarding all the eyes that were on them at that moment, hugged Zoro tightly.

Sanji: You're such an idiot... And in a small voice he added ...But you're my idiot

disclaimer: don't jump out of windows pls

[differenteagletragedy]

one of my olba mcs is so taylor swift-coded it’s unreal and it was a total accident despite me a fan, but it’s been in my brain for a while. and it’s even better that that mc was for baxter. and then i got to thinking… like how would he be with a mc who’s Basically taylor swift (assuming miss swift doesn’t exist in the ol universe)? like teen singer icon turned global superstar who plays the guitar and piano, writes and sings almost solely about love and her love life, and even wrote a few songs about them.

personally, i think baxter would Not Have A Good Time (tm), since he left in step 3 and did his best to forget about mc. and now mc’s breakup songs (one which was Definitely written about him) are plastered on the radio and their love songs are being played at weddings and their face is all over the news and social media, he can’t escape them LMAO!

and you know mc would show up to jude and scott’s wedding and sing some of their songs (acoustically) cause if you have a global superstar at your wedding, it’d be a little foolish not to have them sing (also cause they probably wrote a cute lil song for jude and scott and wanted to perform it). and i can just imagine mc making The Most Intense eye contact ever with baxter as they’re singing a small set of their popular songs (love songs and break up songs included) LMAO

but what do you think? it’s been rattling around in my brain for a long time and i like Have to talk to someone about it LMAO!!!

Honestly, I don't think I'm the right person to ask for this, I really don't ever imagine any of my MCs anything like this ... PYSCH. I have actually thought about this a lot because it's very fun, so hop in, OP, we're going for a ride!

-- So the way I picture it is that MC has always been good with music, always written songs and played some instruments and sang. After they graduate high school, they decide they don't want to go to college, they want to pursue a career in music and they're making some steps to get there when Baxter shows up.

-- They let MC play at the country club sometimes because the family has been members there so long, but also MC is just really good too. Cove always comes along to see MC perform, and so do Miranda, Terry and Derek when they can. This is how Baxter first sees MC sing and he is MOVED.

-- Since MC is Taylor coded, they can pop out songs like nobody's business, so by the time Baxter sees them perform they already have a cute little early romance song about him. Depending on how bold MC is, they could play it, or not! But it exists.

-- So sort of as the relationship gets more intense, MC starts getting more opportunities to go professional. I like to imagine that Baxter takes MC to LA to meet with a record label, because even though he's not a city boy he's well traveled, and he would just handle himself well in that kind of situation I think. Also, road trip!

-- And yeah, then Baxter leaves, and he's like "out of sight, out of mind," but not so fast mister man. It may take a couple of years for MC to get the amount of mainstream success that makes them a household name, but they get there and yeah, he is having a Very Bad Time indeed.

-- This is not an original thought, but "Cruel Summer" is about Baxter so.

-- He does his best to avoid it. He won't listen to the radio, he won't look at magazine covers. But eventually MC just gets to be unavoidable, and that's no fun.

-- Like to the point where he's just overhearing people gossip about MC at work, can he not get a moment's peace?

-- No.

-- He does his best, but hearing some songs and some facts about MC's life is just going to happen. Maybe he's watching a movie and one of their songs is on the soundtrack, something like that. It's hard because he still thinks they have the loveliest voice, and it would be so easy to just do a deep dive on all their songs and throw a big pity party, but he tries not to.

-- At one particularly low point he'll give in though. He'll just lay on his couch listening to the latest album with a bottle of whine, so deep in his feelings.

-- He will never ever ever talk about it though. No one knows he knows MC or about his secret pain.

-- They just think he's a hater, which is fine by him.

-- Baxter is a professional though, so if someone wants one of their songs to be their first dance song at their wedding, then that is perfectly fine. He can cry in the parking lot after.

-- After MC's presence gets to be so much, he might sneak a peek at a magazine, just out of curiosity, not because he still has any feelings, definitely not. If it's about someone breaking their heart, he'll be miffed about it but then realize he has no right because he also broke their heart and cue a downward spiral. But if it's about them being happy in a new relationship, he'll be sad that it's not him, so a downward spiral is happening either way.

-- If he really wants to hate himself, he'll google them. He's not brave enough to go for social media though.

-- When he meets back up with them for Jude and Scott's wedding, he'll try to ignore them, but when they force him to talk he'll act like he has no idea that they're a Big Deal.

-- And THEN if MC performs at the wedding, oof. He'll avoid it at all cost because while he's the planner, he also just cannot deal. They'd do a love song during the reception and what a coincidence, that's when Baxter has to do something outside for just a quick moment.

-- Ok, but then they get back together and MC is all in, and the fans are going rabid over Baxter. He's so pretty! He'd a wedding planner, how romantic! Is he just with MC for their money? Let's hope they don't find out that they actually dated for the first time five years ago, because then fans would be on the hunt for clues that old songs are about him. Baxter would be a little scared, but he can handle it!

[compassionatereminders]

https://www.tumblr.com/theygender/750672176328425472

First, that was an important and valuable lesson for me to know. I was hit with the realization that I've been doing it more often than not.

My ex (fake) bestie. I will never, ever absolve myself of how shitty of a friend I was to her, even if it wasn't totally purposeful or malicious but rather idiotic.

However, instead of her saying anything that can be interpreted as a CLEAR ENOUGH signal of "look. this is too much. Step down.", she decided to slander me behind my back (while treating me like the best person ever to my face), until she got sick of me enough to stab me in the back under the guise of a rightful accusation that she's been bottling up because of her problems with saying no.

I cared about her so much, and now I despise her. She preached this exact same lesson in the post when I thought we were friends. In that context, it's that fucked up.

In other words, she WAS that 1/10 I was too unfortunate to meet. That's why I've had trust issues, and yes, me having trouble not panicking when I get told that I'm hurting someone is a symptom of that. In addition to me struggling with ADHD emotional dysfunction and RSD all my life.

I guess there is nuance; sometimes people have actual reasons for having a hard time with that. It's certainly no excuse for not trying, but that I'd like my struggles to be recognized and accounted for and respected accordingly, not invalidated in an ableist way, even as/because I'm making the effort.

Well, I have quite a rap sheet of things I've done to others I'm not proud of, and from my experience, remorse is *devastating* to feel. Especially when I did the wrong thing out of ignorance and I wasn't complete aware at first, and it all of a sudden hits me that yes, I did hurt that person that badly. (Which is natural to feel, and 1000% my responsibility, not the victim's. I'm mad at myself for what I did.)

As I'm trying to be better, I have no desire whatsoever for absolution, but rather to make it right, and if I can't, just SOMEHOW find a way to live with it that doesn't crush me. I desire less pity for being guilty (because that's a sentiment that comes from absolving myself when I'm not and shouldn't be so that makes me mad) and more... faith that I can be better?

Remorse is not something to reject, it's a necessary feeling to process so you come out of the experience a better person, even if you aren't forgiven.

But then again, sometimes in the midst of it I realize I lost so much trust in myself, that I want to regain but I'm not there yet. Which is why trying feels Sisyphean, but it's the right thing to do, and a lot better than more blood on my hands because I wasn't vigilant enough.

But that was a very illuminating point, because as someone who has been hurt unintentionally before, I know very well that intent and impact don't always equal each other. I'll handle myself with more composure in such situations next time.

And it's important to note that toxic people often can't be reasoned with. So when someone says "hey here's a general tip for improving communication", there will be certain people and certain relationships where that strategy won't be applicable because it simply isn't a healthy relationship built on respect and care. So whether she hurt you or you hurt her or both of you harmed each other, it's okay to look at a post like that one you linked and know that it doesn't always work out that way

[purlturtle]

Is there a ship that you used to ship, but don’t anymore?

what’s your favorite canon moment of Bering & Wells?

what kind of dates do you think Bering & Wells would go on?

Oh wow, thank you for asking! (questions from over here)

I've been trying to think of a ship I used to ship but don't anymore, all through breakfast, and I can't think of any? I don't have many ships to begin with, that's probably why 😅 Like, it's not that I watch *any* show with shipper's eyes, only waiting to encounter two (or more) people that I can ship with each other. It's more that sometimes when I witness two people interact, their dynamic feels compelling in a romantic way, and then I ship them. Bering and Wells absolutely falls into that category; they might be a tiny fandom, but they're a behemoth in my mind: I do not ship *anyone* the way I do them. Much more often than that it's "I can see why others ship them" though - that's the Leverage Thiefsome, or J7, for example. They're fun little ships, and people make compelling arguments in fic form or gif form or manips or fan art and I enjoy them and reblog them, but I'm nowhere near as invested in them as I am Bering and Wells. As for ships I personally can't see, but know others are into, more power to them, I can see they're having fun with them and that's good for them!

I'm gonna put the rest under a readmore because it's gonna get long!

Favorite Bering and Wells canon moment

Whichever I watched last? 😅 I mean they don't have all *that* many, more's the pity, and the ones that they do have are (almost) all so well-crafted both in terms of the writing and in terms of Jo and Jaime's acting! I can tell you which one I *don't* like the writing of, and that's the Bookstore Hologram moment. Helena's monologue is... almost nonsensical? Like, I'm not dissing the acting; Jo and Jaime both act the *hell* out of it, but the lines just don't make sense to me. Apart from the "wish I'd thought of that" morsel; *that* one is gold, the rest is meh.

But the other moments between them? Those meaningful gazes in Helena's old home? The grappler scene, the "keep an open mind" scene, the graveyard scene, the- Oh, I just love all of them. So good.

Bering and Wells dates

I think they might have a number of dates that don't really work out, actually? Like, Helena might want to make a grand romantic gesture because she still has a bad conscience about Nate and Giselle and wants to convince Myka that she's here to stay, by showering her with flowers and renting a limousine and I don't know, stuff like that, you know? And Myka is *mortified* (who wouldn't), because one, she doesn't like people making such a fuss over her and two this is UNIVILLE population eight hundred odd, EVERYONE will know and talk about this for the next fifty years. Meanwhile *she* takes Helena to her favorite museum, but that doesn't click for Helena who is not into museums at all (she wants to get her hands on stuff (and not just on Myka, stuff in general), and museums are stiff and boring).

So they both have a botched first attempt at taking the other on a date, just like they had a botched first attempt at a relationship? 😂 But they get better at it. It takes Helena much longer to get off her "I treated you so badly" cross than it takes Myka to figure out a date situation that piques Helena's interest, though. Helena learns that the best way to Myka's heart is to really see what Myka is trying to show her when she takes her to places that mean something to her, like museums, or an ice skating rink. That even if the subject matter isn't interesting to her (Helena), it is something that is dear to Myka, and it means a lot that Myka is showing it to her. And Myka learns that Helena wants to actively engage with whatever they're doing/wherever they are, so when she does take her to a museum again, it's a personal guided tour that has hands-on exhibits and a guide who has personal experience with the subject matter. Say, a dinosaur dig site museum where the visitors can do some digging of their own, something like that.

Oh that was such fun to think about, thank you, Sam!!

[apollos-boyfriend]

Dont know much about p5, why do you have morgana? Just curious

i'm preemptively putting this under the cut bc i KNOW it's going to get long but tl;dr: he's an annoying character that's poorly written. the conflict around his arc is badly done, and most of the time, he insults others for no reason and praises himself like a god. i would kill him if i could

SO. yes i took down notes of what i wanted to say before starting this. there is a Lot to get through.

first things first. during the first arc, when his character is introduced, we are also introduced to ann. ann is a pretty, charismatic girl, whose story largely revolves around people being unable to see past her looks, and she is both judged and sexualized for her appearance. she is also a teenager, which isn't Super important to morgana necessarily, but it's still weird, as morgana is 1. a cat (or a cat-like monster, depending on what form he's taking) and 2. unknown in age, acting anywhere from a child throwing a tamper tantrum to an older and more experienced mentor figure. at no point does morgana make an effort to treat ann like anything other than a subject for his affections. he only refers to her as "lady ann", praises her for the same thing he belittles others for, and overall, 99% of his interactions with her revolve around his attraction to her appearance and nothing more. he treats ann like they're destined to be together, and part of his end goal to "become human again" is because of his need to woo her over and claim her as his. it's unnecessary, it's annoying, and it's especially infuriating because the point of ann's character is to see past her appearance, something morgana never truly does. he compliments her smarts and actions because he likes her romantically, not necessarily because he genuinely thinks what she says and does is the best course of action.

second of all. in the same first arc, you're also introduced to ryuji. ryuji is the first character you meet, before morgana and ann, and the first friend you make at your new school. ryuji is seemingly bone-headed at times, but he's a passionate, caring kid who would do anything to protect his friends and family. he's by far one of the most beloved characters in the game, as he's just a good kid that's gotten wrapped up in some bad situations, and ostracized because of that fact. morgana makes fun of ryuji CONSTANTLY. and while, in all fairness, ryuji does make fun of morgana sometimes as well, it's not nearly as bad as morgana's treatment of ryuji. every word out of ryuji's mouth has morgana firing back with "of course an idiot like you would say that" or something equally as belittling. while ryuji is shown to not be a very booksmart character, he's extremely perceptive and in-tune with people's emotions. it's annoying and irritating to see morgana, who is, in all honesty, much worse than ryuji intellectually and emotionally, constantly punching down on him for simply breathing in his direction.

which leads me to the next point. one of the worst parts of persona 5 hits during a climatic argument between ryuji and morgana, as at this point, morgana has felt as if he’s “useless” towards the team and they would be better off without him. to begin with, morgana doesn’t even VOICE these concerns until they pile up. the game treats it like we’re supposed to pity him, as we, the player, see all these scenes of him moping and complaining about how useless he feels, but it means nothing because none of the fucking characters see that. they do not know he feels this way and therefore don’t know that they’re doing anything wrong. when he DOES finally voice these concerns, leading to the aforementioned argument with ryuji, ryuji is written as uncharacteristically mean and out of touch in order to push morgana to his breaking point. at no other point in the game does ryuji come anywhere close to acting like that. they purposefully mischaracterize one of their best-written characters just to have their stupid miscommunication plot work.

on top of that! morgana’s sucks. this is an issue a few of the persona 5 characters have, where instead of having a real arc, they repeat the same thing over and over again until their story actually moves forward. with other characters, you get to see their stories evolve and more forward with every meeting. by the end of each meeting, that character is in a different spot emotionally, physically, etc in comparison to the last time you met with them. they move forward. morgana doesn’t. every meeting with morgana is the same repetition of him going “i HAVE to be human . . . joker, you think i’m human right? but what if i’m not . . . no, that’s ridiculous, i HAVE to be.” you sit through this same conversation, no joke, roughly 8 times. there is nothing you can do to change it. it’s the same. stupid. boring. story. he doesn’t progress in this aspect until the VERY END of the game, and at that point you just want to throw him out into the fucking streets.

in retrospect to everything else i’ve listed. this is an admittedly small thing. and semi not his fault. but morgana is what the developers utilize as a roadblock, for lack of a better term. the developers don’t want you to go out? morgana tells you it’s time to go to bed. it is CONSTANT. he doesn’t even let you leave the HOUSE sometimes. it was a major mistake in the developers’ part, because i wouldn’t feel nearly as annoyed if it was the main character saying “oh, i shouldn’t go out today. i should go to bed”, because then it’d still feel like it was MY choice, to some extent. morgana forcing you feels much more like you are not in control of your own autonomy. you’re being forced to listen to a CAT. you don’t even have a say in the matter. these are not my thoughts. these are not my CHARACTER’S thoughts. why the hell should i have to listen to him??

there are probably more smaller things but. those are my biggest issues with him. he just encapsulates the worst parts of the game’s writing and honestly his only redeeming quality is the fact that he looks like a cute kitty

[ceterisparibus116]

What do you think about Karen's reaction to seeing Elektra in Matt’s bed? Her response there always weirds me out: *we* know that Matt was emotionally cheating of her, if nothing else, but she has no way to know that. She sees a woman she doesn't know in Matt's bed (a woman not very healthy looking, but I can accept Karen didn't notice that), Matt fully clothed being near to her, and a weird old man staying just outside the room. Nothing in that situation looked sexual.

Then Matt offers to explain and she says no and runs off. Now, maybe she assumed he would have lied, which is fair, but she’s so curious that I would expect her to at least try to make sense about what's going on and who those people are. She jumps right to cheating, instead, and I can't see her doing that except for plot reasons.

Well, what do we mean by "assume"?

If by "assume" we mean "she concluded that the most likely explanation for the scenario is that Matt was cheating"...I don't think that's what happened.

If by "assume' we mean "she had no idea what Matt was doing, but one possibility that came to mind was cheating and she couldn't rule it out"...then yes, I think that's what happened.

And I think that's fair! A woman she'd never met before was in Matt's bed. Obviously they weren't having sex right then, but clearly Matt has a relationship of some sort with this woman, and also Matt's been lying a ton recently, and generally acting weird, so put all that together, and she can't rule out that he was cheating.

So here's what I think happened: she walked in, saw the situation, realized Matt was keeping a huge part of his life from her, and fled. Sometime between fleeing and confronting to Matt and later talking to Foggy, she obviously would've tried to come up with an explanation. The explanations she might've thought of could include:

He was literally sexually cheating right then and there;

He had some type of intimate relationship with this woman;

She was a random stranger he took pity on but decided to keep a secret for some reason;

????

Add Stick to the equation, and it's even more confusing, but Stick being present doesn't rule out the possibility that Matt's cheating - it only rules out the possibility that Matt was literally having sex then and there (which is ruled out anyway because, as you mentioned, he's fully clothed, tec.).

So. Personally. I don't think she concluded Matt was cheating (which is what a lot of the fandom seems to mean when they say she "assumed" Matt was cheating). Rather, I think she couldn't rule out the possibility that Matt was cheating.

But ultimately, whether he was or wasn't cheating wasn't the thing she spent the most time thinking about: the thing she spent the most time thinking about was the fact that Matt was lying to her yet again, and she couldn't handle a relationship with someone who kept doing that.

That's my read, anyway. What does everyone else think?

(Oh, and why did she not try to make sense of what was going on? I think you're right, that she assumed Matt wouldn't give her an honest answer. But I also think that even if he did, it would've been too little and too late by that point. She felt lied to, she felt mistrusted, she felt taken advantage of, and all of that trumped her natural curiosity, and she finally decided to cut her losses. I don't think that's out-of-character, personally, and I don't think that's a plot thing. I think that's a human thing!)

[morally-grey-girlbosses]

Liliana Vess Propaganda Post

shes a multiple centuries old necromancer. she accidentally poisoned her own brother and he went evil then she was sad about it for ages. shes been historically manipulated by some guy whose identity was unknown for ages and whose lore is contradictory. the laws of reality got altered so she made a pact with four demons brokered by an evil dragon to live forever and got cool tattoos. she seduced one of mtg's other main characters then betrayed him. and also dated his best friend iirc. she cursed a guy to go evil and go around killing all planeswalkers. she killed one of the demons she made a deal with. she blew up an ancient demon prison to kill another one. she joined a group of well meaning heroes and made friends with them but then it turned out her real motives involved killing another of those demons, who she ripped apart with zombies and let her undead feast on, and her actions tore the group apart. they also got beat up real bad by the dragon she made the deal with. she went to another plane and killed the last demon but the pact defaulted and she was indebted to the evil dragon, who made her turn on her allies and go evil. she commanded his zombie legions when he tried to absorb the power of every other interplanar magic user. after her friend died attacking him she betrayed said evil dragon and stole his magic with his own giant zombies. she ran away and was declared a fugitive. theres other stuff that happened after that where she did more morally ambiguous things but ngl i kind of lost track of shit. she was a schoolteacher and defended the school. shes really cool and hot. shes super morally complex. shes even got a bunch of good cards that people dont like playing against sometimes. i love her a lot. please vote for my necromancer girlboss queen

she's a necromancer. she's fantasy catholic. her parents tried getting her to become a nun to curb her wild and crazy attitude and in response she had more sex with MORE stableboys. she accidentally turned her sick dying brother into a zombie while trying to heal him. she bargained for eternal life/youth and unlimited power by making a deal with four demons. when she stopped being into the whole demon's plaything thing, she made a deal with the dragon who brokered the contracts to get out of them. she manipulated, gaslit, and seduced a powerful young telepath into helping her break these contracts and becoming her dark prince of a crime syndicate, and then accidentally fell in love with him FOR REAL. she (paid for someone to) murder his boyfriend to make sure he would help her, because she doesn't know how to ask for help, she only knows how to force people into situations where their only option is helping her. it didn't work. her trust issues gave him trust issues which gave her more trust issues. she tried it with him AGAIN years later and was such a pitiful little meow meow about it he said yes even while knowing it was a mistake. his entire friend group thought he was crazy to do it because they could see all her red flags from the moon. she's fun and flirty and lives only for herself. as the flagship Black Mana(tm) character for Magic: The Gathering's color theory, everything she does is selfish, power-mongering, exploitative, and assumes everyone else is doing the same thing. in her good guy redemption arc, she asked a vampire how he just "decided to stop eating people". she doesn't know what a mango is.

[thislovintime]

“I enjoy passing on wisdom - it's a big part of my life. Everybody has different character traits and it's how you use them that counts. I used to be a busybody but now I help people by listening to them and helping them work things out and it's a virtue.” - Peter Tork, Lancashire Telegraph, May 23, 2008

A letter of advice in reply to a fan from circa 1969 in an older post, here.

Peter Sez #5 -- November 23, 2011 Lorraine G.: I would like to ask Peter what the most important, significant event of his life is. hi, Lorraine - I'm sure that without the ego collapse it took to free me from the clutches of active alcoholism, I would not be alive today. it was, sadly, too long a process, but that it came at all will be my greatest event no matter what else happens to me. Thanks for asking, xo peter

“If you pursue your dream for what it gives you and let it take you where it will, you will have a pretty cool life almost no matter what. I'm really sure about this.”

“In the meantime, take exquisite care of yourself. Remember you’re no good for anybody if you’re not good to yourself.”

“BTW, there will be no squashing sides of oneself on my watch, no suppressing the perfectionist. Rather celebrate another side of yourself, the lovable imperfect side, and let the perfectionist side be. That side has her virtues, too, and can be a good friend sometimes.”

“Do something you believe to be valuable and you'll become valuable to yourself and the world.”

“When I got my initial diagnosis, I admit I had a good cry for a bit. Crying wasn't part of my plan, exactly, but neither was it a black mark in my book, as far as I'm concerned. The gift was that immediately afterwards I was able to ask what the next thing was to do, and went about doing that without a lot of ‘why me?’ or other such attitudes I regard as diversionary. I highly recommend keeping the question ‘What's the next right thing?’ at the forefront of the mind as an antidote to self-pity and other distractions. It works for me.”

“Peter is incredibly patient. I have watched him sit and listen to people's problems -- at times people he barely knew -- for far longer than most of us would and in the end give them good, solid advice. Luckily for us, he's both book-smart and savvy in life experience. He's been a TV and music mega-star, had highs that would have killed some people, lows that would have killed others and a career that's lasted longer than some of his fans have been alive. He's a recovering alcoholic now sober for over 25 years, has oodles of relationship experience, he's got great, productive children, he lived through the 60s and is still rocking in his 60s. If that doesn't qualify him to dish out some advice, I don't know what does.” - Therra Cathryn Gwyn, editor (The Daily Panic), February 2008

A very long read of various bits of advice from the Ask Peter Tork columns under the "read more" cut:

“Those of us who came into the public eye did so partly to escape what was awful growing up, be it oppressive households or oppressive social situations. Give us a jolt of acceptance singing or dancing or telling jokes, etc., and we go whole hog for a life of that public acceptance. Unhappily, though, fame is the same as what we're told about collecting possessions; they satisfy for a bit, but if there isn't some way to make you (myself/one's self) whole, the possessions are only temporary satisfactions at best. When a performer leaves the stage, he/she can't take the public acclaim with her. Drugs are another of those things which distract or divert from, or numb us to, the sadness we still carry within. It's a terrible paradox that those who go beyond the normal boundaries in pursuit of fuller self-expression take chances with their lives beyond the normal boundaries as well. Meanwhile, there are answers to this problem. They're simple but not easy. The problem may be seen to be that there is no one trustworthy enough to follow. If you grow up like that, it will be very difficult to find reliable guides in this life. There is a True Guide, however. Many follow the God of their understanding. Others are so turned off by religion and all its adherents that nothing under the name of God will serve. That's okay; the True Guide does not have to have the title God to be useful. It does require an understanding of and a willingness to pursue whatever in life might usefully lead us to an acceptance greater than the temporary one provided by acclaim or possessions. The understanding of this greater acceptance will come slowly, but it comes to those who are willing to keep open their eyes and minds.

Thanks for asking, Peter” (2010)

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"For instance, of course some parents find it easier to kick out their kids than others. That's just natural. But as to the general average of kids today staying more with their parents than in days of yore, well, I partly blame those who let the economy go to hell in a hand basket... or perhaps actively took it there is a better description. It's tougher now than it used to be to find a job, and there is less of a spirit that finding one will give one a real chance to come up in the world. It's therefore understandable that 25-year-olds and some even well older would be discouraged, and have very little incentive to go forth and make their way. Still, I am pretty sure that wanting to work rather than lay about is a preference in human nature, as long as no major roadblocks stand in the way. As to whether it was our hippie lifestyle that led us to treat our kids in ways that made them lazy, well, I wouldn't know for sure. But I do know that every generation is formed by the previous generation's reactions to their parents' generation, etc., etc., since time immemorial. We did the best we could with what we had, and if we don't like what we see, I'm not sure we can do much for the next generation anymore. I believe that my kids appreciate that I am still working on my own life, and that gives them encouragement not to give up, whatever else they may think of me. I don't have much to say about they way they live their lives. Of course, they aren't encamped in my basement, either. Meanwhile, I counsel patience and love, of course. Best of luck, Peter”

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Dear Peter, My name is Mary and I'm in tenth grade. I've been struggling recently because all of my friends and teachers think that I should have a "direction" to my life. They tell me that I need to have my future planned out right now. What college am I going to? What career field will I try to get into? I don't know how to answer any of their questions. Should I know what I want to do with my life even though I'm only fifteen? Thank you, Mary C.

Dear Mary, "Should"? I don't know from should anymore. I once heard someone say "Don't 'should' on yourself." I eventually worked it out to where the word "should" requires the phrase "in order to." You "should" turn left here "in order to" get to the grocery store. Like that. So, the question becomes, "in order to"... what? Check out the letter and answer beforehand. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? No? Well, perhaps a little investigation is in order. When you were little, what did you dream of becoming? Airline pilot? Doctor, nurse, veterinarian or horse trainer? Wonder Woman? Rock star? Newspaper reporter? Or did you imagine that a life of marriage and kids plus a bit of a trade as, say, a hair stylist was heaven on earth? Go back to your early daydreams and see whether any of them still holds a charge. Be careful here: if you don't know instantly what your dreams were, then it's possible that you were discouraged from holding on to them. If that's true, then that discouragement will get in the way of your trying to access those dreams now. Be extremely gentle with yourself, even to the point of sickeningly coddling yourself (for a little while anyway, heheheh). If your childhood dream comes to the fore, you will have all you need to decide whether and where to go to college, or whatever else you may need. One note: it's wonderful to decide to, say, become a musician, but if "famous musician" is your goal, you may be in for more trouble than you want. If you pursue your dream for what it gives you and let it take you where it will, you will have a pretty cool life almost no matter what. I'm really sure about this. Get back to me if it's not working out. Best of luck, Peter

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Dear Peter, I followed your cancer fight last summer on Facebook and was sooooooooo glad when you got the good news of no more cancer! That was the best news I've ever gotten. Did you learn anything while being sick that you didn't know before you got cancer? Cancer is scary and you were so brave. Love, Kathy

Dear Kathy, Thank you for your good wishes! As to your question: If by "learn" you mean did I change my philosophy after I got my diagnosis, no, I have to say I didn't. I've been at this business of figuring out my life for a long time, and if I didn't have a philosophy of life that included the possibility of having cancer, and even of dying of it, well, then I haven't done a good job in crafting a working philosophy, have I? If, on the other hand, you mean did I discover how quickly and well I bounce back from radiation treatment, well, yeah, I'm a lucky guy, and I learned that to a new extent during the course of this adventure. When I got my initial diagnosis, I admit I had a good cry for a bit. Crying wasn't part of my plan, exactly, but neither was it a black mark in my book, as far as I'm concerned. The gift was that immediately afterwards I was able to ask what the next thing was to do, and went about doing that without a lot of "why me?" or other such attitudes I regard as diversionary. I highly recommend keeping the question "What's the next right thing?" at the forefront of the mind as an antidote to self-pity and other distractions. It works for me. Thanks for asking. Keep well, Peter

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Dear Peter, I'm really glad you are doing this gig again. After reading "Ask Peter Tork" in the Daily Panic, I knew that anyone who has access to your "two cents worth" is getting a lot for their money. Ever since the sixties, when I saw that picture of you "reading" the Upanishads upside down, I've wondered about your own spiritual journey. How much and in what ways have eastern religions and philosophies influenced your personal world view? Was it a struggle to leave the belief system of your childhood? What spiritual practices, aside from the obvious (listening in your heart for new songs) are part of your routine? Thanks again for your careful and kind answers in this column. Namaste, Elaine

Dear Elaine, Well, thanks for the question... I think! Someone recently said that people who want to talk to you about their religion rarely want to hear about yours. I am only too aware that my expressing my spiritual/religious views leaves me open to the charge of proselytizing, which I don't want to do. Everyone has to come to their own views, as far as I'm concerned, whether or not certain conventional religions provide a suitable framework. Having said all that, tho', and since you asked, I will try to give you a quick sketch. Firstly, eastern "religions" (I use quote marks to say maybe they aren't religions*) have indeed been a huge source for me. My mom gave me a book on Zen when I was in my teens, and while I didn't get much from it then, I have found in the years since that Zen Buddhism has an attitude that appeals to me a great deal, as far as I understand it. I'm something of a minimalist, I think, at least in these matters, and Zen has been about as minimal as it's possible to be and still say anything at all. Incidentally, I can also recommend anything by Krishnamurti, who might be seen as uncompromising to the limit, but he's great anyway. I grew up in an agnostic/atheistic/non-theistic household. I wondered for years what everybody was on about when they said "God." I certainly wasn't interested in whatever religion the good boys and girls in school were into, usually Catholic, sometimes Protestant. My father didn't believe in the God he was presented with, and I don't believe in that God either. Howsomever, I do believe that awareness of a connectedness of some sort is critical to human well-being. One Zen teacher said "Life is the teacher." That made all kinds of sense to me, because whatever we're talking about here, it has to be real. Unverifiable assertions are useless to me, so if it's real, it will show in real life, some way, somehow, some time. Anyway, all of that is partly to say that I had no particular religion to break away from at home, except the "religion" of rationalism. I did have a set-to or two with my father about my developing sense of connection, which included phenomena he couldn't allow himself to believe were even possible. That part was tough, and we never did completely reconcile over the point, tho' we got along okay thru the rest of his life. As to my routine today, well, I don't believe I actually have one. My sobriety is the critical issue for me now, so I daily take a moment to consider that, and I reaffirm whatever it takes keep me mindful. There's a strong spiritual component to recovery from addiction/alcoholism, so maybe that counts as a spiritual routine, tho' it seems a bit farfetched to call it that. Mostly it's just what keeps me from acting out so badly that I begin a deteriorating slide to hell. That's enough, by Gar! Namaste to you, too, Peter *Some of the schools of thought I follow don't engage with the concept of God at all. Maybe better to think of them as psychologies or philosophies.

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Hey Peter, Great that you are doing the column again! Really great to read. My question is that, I know you love baseball, but being raised on the East Coast, I wondered if you every got into hockey? Hope On... Tyrone

Dear Tyrone, Nope, I never got into hockey, and I don't think that has anything to do with where I live. Or, rather, I don't think that matters where in the U.S. I live; if I was born and raised in Canada, I imagine I'd enjoy it a great deal more. Mostly, I will say, I never attended hockey games in person 'til much later in life, and couldn't follow the game on TV, and mostly what I saw was another football/basketball/soccer-type game, only on ice, and with a hell of a lot of fighting. If you put it that way, who could care? Years later I watched a minor league hockey game, to much better effect. There was nary a fight, and I got to watch the grace of the competition. That was better, tho' not enough to overcome years of apathy toward the game. I imagine you love the game, so I won't go any further with this, except to say, enjoy what you like, and please, please, please, have a good time. Best, Peter

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Dear Peter, I can't imagine you not being a musician or being cute Peter Tork of the Monkees and Shoe Suede Blues. But if you had never been a musician or never wanted to be one, what do you think you would have done with your time and talent? Have you ever wanted to be something else? I am trying to decide between 3 things on what to be. I think sometimes you know what you are and sometimes you don't. I wish I knew. I love you. Cathy

Dear Cathy, Well, you are asking a couple of questions, one of which is almost unanswerable. I mean, change everything about me and then ask who I am, well, that's a puzzler. If you're asking what other fields I've been drawn to to any noticeable degree, I don't mind saying that the law and the kind of counseling I do in these columns have both looked like reasonable and attractive careers. Strangely enough, there's one other thing in particular I wouldn't mind doing, and that's massage therapy. My father had good hands, and he seems to have bequeathed them to me, and though I've never taken training, and it's a little late in life to get started now, it still seems like a useful life to me. BUT! The big deal question you're asking is how do you (or how does anybody) know what to do in life. That one's much more important. Someone once said to me, if you don't know what to do, it's because you don't know who you are. See, for me, I never realized out loud, so to speak, that music/entertainment was my calling, but I look back on my life, and at every juncture, that's what I went for. So, one way of looking at what you might want to do/be in life is to look back at what you've liked to do so far. One note in particular at this point, which I've made before. Everybody gets shut down to some extent growing up; it's inevitable, and nothing to get bent about. But what it does mean is that it's possible that you haven't thought about the things you liked to do as a child for a long time now. Go back into your past. What turned you on? What gave you the thought: I'd like to do that/be a part of that? Even if it was the way you related to your dolls, there might well be a clue there, if not even an outright signpost with a fanfare. If money is a concern, well, then, money's a concern. There's nothing wrong with striking out for serious independence if there is a concern about being left without resources. I hope, however, that that concern is not the overriding be-all and end-all of your considerations. Money is, of course, critical to civil well-being in this life, but beyond a certain point, more does not improve the quality of life... much. If there seems to be a useful, satisfying career open to you, then follow it unless you're deeply concerned that you won't be independent there, in which case maybe the next more lucrative career path is better for you. Like that. Best of luck, Peter

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Dear Peter, I've been married for over 30 years, the children have now grown and left home. (I married in my teens) I'd hoped my husband and I could enjoy more time together now but over the last few years the physical side of our marriage has dwindled to almost nothing. He's never been very demonstrative but now he seems to prefer the TV to time with me. I've tried different things including making the first move, without success. And I've tried talking to him about it but he says he's happy the way things are and sees no need to change them. He is in good health, has a good job and no money worries. I really miss the feeling of being close to someone, the romance and the passion but he tells me to "grow up, real life's not like that.” Am I being unrealistic? Is this what I should expect the rest of my life to be like? If so it seems very bleak and lonely. Kathryn.

Dear Kathryn, Let's start with your husband's quote: "Grow up, real life's not like that." There's more wrong with that than I can get to, but just for starters, real life can, too, be like that. Real life sometimes is passionate and romantic. It's true that sometimes life is bleak, but the worst thing about your husband's quote is that it's manipulative; he's trying to shut you down for the sake of his own comfort. He's uncomfortable with your preferences. Note that that's what's going on here; it's his preferences vs. yours. I regret to inform you that you won't have an easy time of this no matter what. As I am fond of hearing: "You pays your money and takes your choice." I won't pretend to know every possible way to approach the situation, but the two main topic headings are the external, what we call objective, and internal, subjective approaches. As to the external, let's assume for the sake of discussion that you're fine, and it's all him. My take then would be that there are three main ways to go here. The first is to accept your husband as he is with all that means. (There are two subsets here, depending on your codes: you can live without physical demonstrations of affection or get them on the side. Incidentally, while I'm thinking about that, the second sub-option doesn't necessarily mean finding sexual satisfaction outside the marriage; there's a wide range of physical affection that does not step outside the normal bounds of marriage.) The second option is to get out of the marriage, and enjoy what affection you may find in the singles world, and/or get involved with someone who does behave as you'd like. (Watch out here, tho', you know pitfalls await the unwary in this department.) Thirdly, and maybe the most wearying, is to get yourself and your husband into a counseling situation. Pastor, shrink, MFCC, whatever. This one's tough, because if he doesn't see any need to change, you have to provide him with reasons. Like, maybe, he won't have a marriage at all if he doesn't. Divorce is a bitch, as anyone knows, and the woman still takes the brunt of it, tho' that's generally getting a bit better, but if your husband doesn't think that your preferences and desires constitute any reason for him to reconsider his attitudes, you might be better off in every way out of the marriage. I mean, you can hardly get less affection if you never get another hug in your life, can you? Okay, that's the "change the world" approach. You know what's coming next, don't you?  Yeah, sorry, it's about checking yourself out. Here the field is vastly more complicated, and potentially vastly more rewarding. Here the questions to ask yourself are more unsettling.  Here's where you plumb the depths of your entire life. Not much to ask, is it? Smile. Someone once told me that if you don't know what to do, it's because you don't know who you are. As I've mentioned before, this one sticks with me. You're upset with your husband. That, I am sure, means that he's breaking some (maybe hidden) rule/s of yours. What is that rule, what are those rules? Where did you get those rules? What would happen if you abandoned those rules? (Will your entire world come crashing down around your ears?) This road is a long and difficult one. It re-engages parental issues (what did it take to get along in your family of origin?) Did you think you deserved a reward for having done right for the last 30 years? (I'm not saying you don't, I'm just suggesting you ask yourself whether what's going on is about your entitlement.) How have you been assuaging your sense of lack? I'll bet you've developed some habits which are not actually supportive of you. Alcohol was my compensatory habit, numbing my feelings of not being truly noticed or regarded. Of course, it really only served to take me away from my own life, not make it better. I didn't know this at the time, finding out only in a supported abstinence. Do you have any such behaviors? Over-eating, shopping unnecessarily, fixing other people, all these serve the same purpose: distracting oneself from one's life. BTW, these may not be fixable without help; seek counsel in your community, and if you don't have one, check out the nearest appropriate anonymous, 12-Step group. Because, it is in one's own life that, finally, all these issues are settled. Don't let me discourage you from the effort, either. The joys and rewards are boundless, a veritable cornucopia of adventure and delight, and up ahead, a better world than you ever let yourself even dream of. Hang in there, do the work, and watch your cosmos change. Let me know how it goes. I'll help as much as I can. Peter

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Dear Peter, I hope this doesn't sound stupid. It’s something I've always wanted to know. Why do rock stars get all the women? I figured you would know. Even my sister likes you a lot and she doesn’t really like anyone very much. She says hi, btw.  I was thinking of becoming an architect but that doesn't seem to get the girls excited. Should I learn to play guitar? Thanks bro,  Jon L.

Dear Jon, Thanks for asking. I've never wondered the same thing; I've been too busy trying to get the women by being a pop star so I've never had time to stop and tell on the roses, as it were. But since it all came up lo, these many years ago, I've actually given the matter some thought.  Here's some of what I've come up with: For one thing, those of us who got into show business did so IN ORDER to get attention.  This is sometimes an outgrowth of a conviction in childhood that people didn't much care about us, or even notice us.  We determined that if we could get the millions (or, say, dozens) to love us, then it wouldn't matter that we weren't much regarded on an individual basis in our youth.  For some of us, it worked.  Unfortunately, it has its drawbacks. You don’t get to know these ahead of time, so I’m going to tell you. One of them is, that the girls we do get mostly want us for the show we put on. By that, I don't mean only the stuff that goes on onstage, but the way we present ourselves when we meet someone.  I have a ready stock of funny stories and sly ways to hook a girl in, but in the end, that's what she goes for, and when it comes time for me to be myself, she's always kind of shocked. [...] Check it out: architecture is a deeply satisfying career and you're going to find a relationship that suits you if you'll only let it happen and what you do for a living will be only one measure of your true value in the eyes of a worthy, intelligent, supportive woman. Good luck, Peter” - 2008

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“Being a hermit is almost certainly the worst approach to the issue. Too bad there isn't a Hermits Anonymous, but who would tell the hermits about it if they won't communicate with anyone? The problem, as I tried to indicate above, is that there is not enough connection with society, with others, with a circle of friends and people who love you.Tell you what: try volunteering at a soup kitchen or other charity outlet.  Rely on what those in charge there tell you about your work, and for God's sake, don't let your mind tell you that your low opinion of yourself trumps their observations.There are a few other suggestions available to you, but the point here, I think, is for you to do something on behalf of your own value. Do something you believe to be valuable and you'll become valuable to yourself and the world.” - Peter

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Peter, My name is Scott and I'm 37 years old.  I was wondering, as you look back on your experience in the 1960's, how much of the political and social ideas of the youth movement and counter culture are still valid today and whether or not you feel the same about those ideas now as you did back then. Scott

Dear Scott, I won't go nearly so far as to say that everything that came up in the 60's was valid, but as far as I'm concerned, the 60's were to what will come as Greece was to democracy.  Remember that in the 60's the political officeholders had lost all touch with the needs of the nation...kind of like the Bush administration now.  Back then the voice of the establishment, Life magazine, was discovered to have doctored photos falsely indicating that LSD caused chromosomal damage.  That proved what we (then) kids already knew: that those at the top preached fair play and honesty, but had no more need to honor those concepts than what would give them the next dollar without too much trouble.  We saw perfectly clearly that we were on our own, that no one in authority cared about us. Now, like any bunch of kids left to their own devices, some, many, went off the rails. Every false step by somebody walking around under the cloak of the liberal hippy 60's was used as a pretext for dissing the entire generation.  Those of us who were truly interested in liberty, fraternity and equality, however, knew we were onto something good and real.  What had been called democracy was, and to some extent still is, a pretext for wrapping the will of the greedy and aggressive in a mantle of public acquiescence. Now, the business of wresting power away from those who make a specialty of wielding it will be a long and protracted struggle, with a lot of setbacks along the way.  The outlines of the new style of governance are only dimly perceivable, and won't become clear for a long time to come.  In the meantime, our job is to practice the principles of fairness and service to the extent possible.  One thing is clear: there is a much higher joy in service than there is in acquisition of wealth.  (Remember that it isn't money that's the root of all evil, it's the love of money.)  Hanging together in brother - and sisterhood is so happy-making you want to sing right out loud. Yeah, I feel the same about those ideas as I did then...in case you couldn't tell. heheheh, Peter

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“Again and again, my message is, behave as you'd like to be behaved towards.  Not so original, actually, but truer for me the older I get. Putting it into practice, now, well, I get that it's far from easy.” - Peter

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“I do believe that humans are designed to be happy as a general matter. I am coming to believe that, after biology is addressed (clinical depression, etc.), what usually gets in the way is the story/ies we tell ourselves and each other.  If you listen, you’ll hear a lot of people tell you, ‘Oh, I’m the kind of person who always…’ or, ‘Oh, I’d never do such-and-such a thing….’  These are the tools by which we keep ourselves on a self-perpetuating circle—what in fact is really meant by karma.  If you spend, say, 15 minutes a day just sitting and listening to your own mind chatter away, you’ll probably start to notice some of these patterns in your own life.  Try it for a week.  Set a timer, and don’t get up out of your chair unless one of the kids breaks an arm or some such.  (BTW, you might not enjoy this at all at first, but hang in there.  Must be present to win, you know.)  As you become more familiar with the almost-automatic workings of your own head you might begin to detect the patterns that shut you down before you can enjoy what’s going on.I’m not one of those who say that everything is for the best.  I am sure, however, that in any given situation, you have a range of options, and some of them are more conducive to calm than others.  No matter how bad the situation, it’s always possible to worsen it, with a bit of effort.  It’s also possible to take the calmest approach, and I am sure that if you make that your effort, your plan of attack, you will find your life slowly becoming happier.  Incidentally, you won’t notice when you change over, but I do believe that one day you’ll notice that you’re happy enough. I certainly hope so. I’m sorry for your loss of your mother. Please take care of yourself, Peter”

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“For one thing, I do divert a fair amount. I used to do it more than I do now (progress not perfection), but when I lived in LA, I’d pick a club at random some nights and go watch a band I’d never heard of. Or I’d take whatever paperback I was reading out to a coffee shop and sit for 90 minutes over a decaf Americano.I spend a fair amount of time on the computer, reading news sites, emailing and doing some games and/or puzzles. (I do believe Sudoku improves my brain.  I hope I’m not deluding myself.) I also meditate, which greatly changes the dynamic of being alone. I don’t sit in meditation as much as I believe to be good for me, but when I do, my being alone is no longer a burden. Finally, I remind myself that there are a lot of things I like to do that company feels like it interferes: working on my music on the computer, practicing guitar to a virtual rock rhythm section, reading, both time-passing and significant stuff. And then, sometimes, no matter what, I’m lonely. Like I say, this is happening less and less over time. I have to attribute this, finally, to becoming more comfortable in my own skin. That in turn seems to come from being encouraged to do the right thing. My friends and support people are lining up more and more along the lines of, do respectable things, and you’ll gain self-respect.I wouldn’t know of my own experience, but I hear that volunteering for church and community groups get you out of your isolation. If you try it and you like it, tell me, and maybe I’ll try it, too.” 

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“[T]o answer your question directly, how one moves on from something that may not happen again is to find some other thought to substitute for that mournful ‘it may not happen again.’ If you hang on to that formulation it will poison your present.  Try, ‘not bad, but let’s see if we can’t do even better.’ Or maybe, ‘God must have some wonderful plan for me. Can’t wait to find out what it is.’” 

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“BTW, day job, shmay job. When you need money, you’ll do what you have to, be it x-ray tech, or macburgerslinger. Remember to consider what you can bring to the situation rather than concentrating on what the job is going to suck out of you. You might also check out your life style, to see if you’ve gotten yourself more involved with the material world than would allow you to do what you want.”

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“What I am sure about heartbreak is that you will be glad one day that this is behind you, both in the sense of: ‘Whew, I’m glad that’s over,’ and ‘I’m so happy I’m not involved in that anymore.’ In the meantime, take exquisite care of yourself. Remember you’re no good for anybody if you’re not good to yourself.”

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“If you want to hear from someone who’s older than you, you’ve come to the right place. That ‘Don’t quit before the miracle,’ which of course is not remotely original with me, is maybe one of the best general advises I have. (Can that be the plural of ‘advice’? ) Another, which kind of is a bit more original with me, is, ‘Be a hero to yourself.’ By that I mean, regard your life’s story in the same light as those tales of Greek and Roman heroes, who were born to kings and queens and found their lives dashed down to humble circumstances, and who redeemed their lives thru heroic deeds (with a lot of help). Those heroic stories, it turns out, are everybody’s stories, and it’s deeply useful, I am convinced, to regard ourselves as that kind of hero. Hang in there, and don’t quit just before the miracle. Peter” 

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“But this above all: if your well-being is threatened, you must take care of yourself first. There is almost no situation that warrants putting future situations over your present safety. If you can find a way to avoid being at risk at the hands of your tormentors without giving up your program, well and good. But your present safety and sanity come before your future. Please take care of yourself. I hope it works out for you. I’d love to know how it’s going. Please keep me up to date.”

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“Firstly, anyone who can’t stand your history doesn’t deserve you, plain and simple.” 

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“One other thing: I am totally sure that Zen does not tell us to put up with any and everything that comes our way. I believe instead that the hope and idea is to do what must be done, including fighting for our human rights and needs, but without going into the blame game, doing what we have to do with a will and with best wishes for all involved. I think Jesus meant something like this, too, when he said love your enemies.”

* * *

“You’re not obliged to be where you’re not appreciated under any circumstances whatever. I’m sure of this.”

* * *

“But I can promise that your situation is not remotely hopeless. As to those who are giving you grief about your grief, well, basically, and not to put too fine a point on it, fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.”

* * *

Hi, Peter!  First, we just want to say that you are the BEST THING EVER. Second of all, I have a question for you involving what your opinion is on gay rights. My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for three years, and in that time, have come across more example of discrimination than I would care to recap. We would like to know: what is your opinion on gay rights? Should we be treated with common decency and respect, or are we subhuman because we happen to be in love? Do we not deserve the right to marry, or adopt children? And why do people who think of themselves as good people treat other human beings this way? Best wishes, Mike 

Well, Mike, Is this a trick question? Because the answer(s) is (are) the same whether you’re gay, black, a woman, Jewish, Catholic, handicapped, poor…have I left anyone out? (And I don’t want to hear middle-class straight white males try to tell me that they’re discriminated against in this modern, PC world. We m-c, s, w m’s are incredibly privileged, and while I’m sorry for the poor shlub who feels his place has been taken by somebody less qualified, etc., I think of the deprivations historically visited on all the above-mentioned before I get too indignant.) Oh, and one more thing. Everybody, believe it or not, believes that they are good people doing the best they can. There are very few exceptions, and even most of those few exceptions believe that they’re only getting back what was rightfully theirs in the first place. The very, very few exceptions left have errors in their brain circuitry that block their learning about such a thing as real, as opposed to public, consequences. These people are called sociopaths, and there seems to be no help for them. Everybody’s scared, you know.  Everybody, to some extent or another. Trembling, Peter

* * *

Dear Peter, I am 16 years old, and am a huge fan of The Monkees!!! When I saw your advice column, I was wondering if you could help me out.  Being 16, I feel like I'm being forced to grow up very suddenly. My parents keep talking about getting my permit, taking up part-time jobs, and they're even already asking me to look at colleges! To be honest, I don't think I'm ready for any of it. Driving scares me to pieces, and so does getting a job. As for college, I don't even like leaving home to stay at a friends house!! How could I possibly be ready to leave home just yet? I recognize that I've still got a few years before that happens, but the I'm jittery just thinking about it! The driving situation scares me a lot mostly because the thought of myself having the control of a car freaks me out. I don't know what to do. How do I get rid of all this fear and anxiety??  Forever your loving and adoring fan, Lydia  P.S. I was just wondering if perhaps you could come perform somewhere in the Albany area. I'd LOVE to see you in concert very much!

Dear Lydia, my loving and adoring fan, I’m sad to hear of your anxieties. You must realize that there is no earthly reason why these thoughts of future activities should be scary. I underline “earthly” to say that your anxieties can not, rationally, arise from what is normally an excited anticipation. Therefore and hence, you have issues. Don’t despair, everybody does, to some extent or another. They can be dealt with. The point is that something is dogging you. I believe, on scant evidence, that it’s likely that you have childhood issues that cloud your sense of pleasure at the coming adventure of your young adult years. The other possibility is that you have anxiety disorders stemming from some genetic distraction. Don’t freak out here, either. This, too, is treatable. There’s one more possibility that occurs to me:  your parents may be only too anxious to get rid of you. Maybe they want to have wild sex all over the house, and believe your living there is getting in the way…heheheh. I don’t know, but (ok, joking aside) it’s possible that they’re pushing you too hard for their own reasons, unrelated to the natural course of your leaving the nest. If this is true, it would explain to some extent your dislocation on the matter. By the way, if that is the explanation, you probably wouldn’t be able to get them to say so; I’m sure they’d regard it as too shameful an admission to come clean about. That would leave you in a bit of a pickle. BUT here’s the good news: none of this is fatal. It doesn’t even have to be crippling. No matter where it came from, it can be dealt with. Firstly, as you note yourself, you don’t have to face the stuff right away. Your anxiety may disappear as you get nearer to it all. In the meantime, and alternatively, you may find the psychological and spiritual counseling it takes to get past this. I also recommend meditation as a means of calming the soul. My favorite brand of that is Zen, but whatever you prefer you should do. Good luck, Peter PS, I’d love to bring the band to the Albany area. Keep your eyes open. It could happen.

* * *

Dear Peter! I have a problem with my volume in choir. My director is always telling me to sing louder, but I'm afraid of not sounding good/messing up, so I tend to veer away from singing out. I just don't want to mess up. I was wondering, do you know of any good ways to squash that perfectionist side of me? Bay, 13

Dear Bay, Yeah. Sing out loud, mess up a bunch and laugh right out loud at yourself. Also, check out the others in choir.  Any of them singing worse than you would? Yes? I thought so. OK, then. Singing well at a new volume level takes a bit of practice, tho’, and you might want to warn your director and everyone around you that it may take a bit of time before you are singing loudly and well. BTW, there will be no squashing sides of oneself on my watch, no suppressing the perfectionist. Rather celebrate another side of yourself, the lovable imperfect side, and let the perfectionist side be. That side has her virtues, too, and can be a good friend sometimes. Keep rockin’, Peter 

* * *

“I believe very much in all that I believed in back in the 60’s. I hope I’m more aware of the practicalities than I was then, but I am positive that the values and principles I held then are critical to the well-being of the planet, or at the very least, critical to growth and contentment in the population. As to the practicalities: the chance of no more war in our lifetimes is so close to zero that I don’t imagine it possible, tho’ there well may be progress along these lines. May be. Sometimes I see the world as an eternal horse race between salvation and dissolution, now one, and now the other gaining the lead. But to the extent that we can learn, each and all of us, that the cooperative good is good for the greatest individual good (with safeguards, to be sure), that forgiveness is the route to true inner peace, and that not everything we deem wrong or bad may be so, to that extent hassles of all shapes, sizes and colors will diminish. I am so sure of all this that I would, I hope, be willing to bet my life on these principles.”

* * *

For starters, I will report that my kids mom and I never told them to be polite.  Because we were polite to them, they naturally said "please" and "thank you" without any extra prompting on our parts. As to broccoli, well, 3-year-olds cannot be expected to be tactful, and whether they eat it or not must be a matter of negotiation, not of coercion, I'm sure. I used to gag at the taste of Brussels sprouts, and nothing could get me to eat them. I still don't like them much. heheheh Peter

* * *

“Let me say, tho', that I am not one of those who believes that everything is for the best. The only thing I'm sure of is that I can bring the best attitude possible to the situation. It seems to me that you believe you had a bargain with the forces of Karma, and that you feel betrayed. Betrayal is very infuriating, to be sure, but the laws of God and/or Karma are not actually known to us, merely guessed at. I've learned recently to ask myself one question: Would you rather be right or happy? I urge you to let go of what you thought was your due, and find the best way to live with what you got. There's still a lot of joy to be had regardless, I am sure.”

[deathlygristly]

Sometimes I find things I wrote online a long time ago and they contain memories that I no longer have.

I've seen that post about what would you have posted about if you were on here when you were 11, and I was like hmmm, the Holocaust, My Little Pony, ACC basketball, Sherlock Holmes, Edgar Allan Poe, The Little Mermaid, Animaniacs, Tiny Toons, and also apparently according to the old posts I found Gandhi and MLK Jr. It would appear that several years ago I remembered a fascination with them coming after the interest in the Holocaust.

Which makes sense, I guess. Little me trying to find some hope in humanity afterwards. I mean, that is around the time my mother signed me up for Big Brother, Big Sister. I heard her on the phone saying that she didn't know what to do with me and I was terrified she was giving me up for adoption. Turned out it was more that she didn't know how to handle an existentially depressed preteen who would look at the most beautiful spring days and imagine smoke rising from the crematorium.

Also when I wrote those posts I was having a similar reaction about healthcare here in the US, trying to find a way to live in a world where I was under the control of other members of my species who were fine with extreme suffering and cruelty and who enjoyed causing it. It was shortly after the ulcer where my choices were to go to the ER or die, so the cost of healthcare here was on my mind a lot.

Then came Trump, and finally my choices were adapt to living on the same planet as humans or die. I chose to adapt. Got medication for the anxiety and managed to find some level of seeing and appreciating the most beautiful spring days and being extremely happy with that and just letting the human darkness go so I could live.

So if I don't reblog much political content on here and I unfollow/block people I don't know well who reblog a lot of the darker and more vicious stuff, it's because of that choice. Me talking about how awesome the spousal person is, about how it's fun to watch kdramas and try teas with him, about how cool the cats are, etc - that's all me choosing to live.

Humans are gonna human and I can't stop it or control it or do anything about it, but I can appreciate beauty and I can laugh and I can pet cats and I can hug the spousal person and I can live as well as I can, since I was born on this planet and I have no other choice anyway.

It is still interesting and fun occasionally to wonder about how humans work and to try to understand where the cruelty and enjoyment of causing suffering comes from or even how much of it is the result of conscious choice and how much of it is just the unfortunate result of how human brains work in certain situations.

And if anything trying to learn about that more has helped, because the more I've learned the more I've realized that a lot of it comes from a cycle of abuse and trauma and how human brains react to that cycle, and how most humans aren't scary monsters who enjoy hurting others. They're mostly just traumatized and/or ignorant and/or trying to survive as best they know how and/or desperate to stay included in their tribe. They're more pitiful than scary, and I mean pitiful as in inspiring much pity, not as an insult.

I think probably the only thing I can do about humans being human is to try to be kind and help others, and doing what I can to keep myself joyful helps with that.

I don't know. Anyway tonight we're going to pick up a sanity pill refill, aka escitalopram, and eat at our favorite restaurant, so we'll only have time for one episode. Which there aren't any new shows airing today that we're into so it'll be an episode of Faith, aka The Great Doctor. It's from 2012 when kdramas did not have the budget they have now and it's very amusing. Also it's from before the Joseon Exorcist controversy so it's actually based on real history near the end of the Goryeo dynasty and it's fun learning about the real people the characters are based on.