#a lifetime of self-disrespect

[vizthedatum]

Let them be scared when they see the fire in my eyes

"There's no way your IQ is that high" (intelligence tests are a scam - end of story) "That's not going to fit" "There's no way you can do that" "You're too loud" "You're way too intense" "Your plans are too ambitious" "Too much glitter" (NO SUCH THING - I WILL ADD MORE) "I can't handle this relationship and my job at the same time" "You're crazy" *laughs derisively in my face* "You won't get a job" "You'll be homeless" "Have you tried yoga?" (what the actual fuck y'all) "You're overqualified" Me, my whole life: "I feel like I need to go masking my behavior again so I can be less intense, more acceptable, less me" ... it's not that I can't take criticism. Or correction. Or direction. Or boundaries. I can. I welcome it. I'm open to changing my perspectives and respecting people if they communicate with me. But if you put me down without my consent, I will leave. And, news flash, you can leave too - I would rather you walk away than doubt me ever again. I hate to admit it because I'm scared of how weak it sounds but the more people have put me down... I started to believe that I couldn't do it. I literally would hide and black out parts of myself. I would forget the knowledge and self-confidence that I had worked so hard to obtain. And then I felt weak for asking for validation, even though I know that validation and reassurance are fine to ask for! Especially when I know it helps me. So yeah - anxiety and trauma and PTSD and all the chronic inflammation/pain and fucking humanity are plagues, just absolute plagues. But I feel everything, and I know I know a lot. I know I don't know a lot too. I feel: creative, rational, collected, anger, extreme nervousness, sadness, grief, hurt, rage, happiness, joy, enthusiasm, love, curiosity, judgment, indignation, stubbornness, obsession, madness, calm, peace, and ALL OF IT. I know: I am a polyglot data scientist, engineer, epidemiologist, informaticist, statistician, and academic with a lot of interest in writing, art, swimming, travel, philosophy, music, and more. I am: spiritual as fuck, and I don't care if people don't think it's real. It's real to me. When I say reading the Bhagavad Gita in high school saved my life - it literally saved my life, and that has meaning regardless of whether or not the information within the text is something that people believe or not. I don't care: if I'm not "good" at the things I like doing - I am probably the slowest hiker/walker/explorer (and right now, a pretty slow swimmer but that will change) I know... and I am not classically trained in art, BUT WHO CARES. I’m self-conscious about the things I know and what I feel. So many ppl in my life have doubted me. And when I try to burst out, they ridicule or suppress me. Disgusting. If you're doing that to me, are you doing that to yourself too? Fuck, that's upsetting on so many levels.

When I let what others say get to me, I truly become a shadow of myself - I trick my brain into forgetting... when all I need to do is remember.

[icarus-suraki]

Talking to my therapist about some Heavy Shit and as I'm getting to the end I can just feel the little "But hey, it's fine!" smile-and-laugh-and-shrug coming over me. It's fine, I'm fine. And she pauses and looks and me for a while. And then she's talking about anger and resentment and anxiety... Meanwhile, I'm seeing this in my head:

(I don't think she thought I was fine, so that sucks.)

[black-lake]

The path of warriors 

⚡︎ Aries, leo, capricorn, scorpio and aquarius north node.

🏇🏇🏇

The north node is your karmic path in this lifetime, and as many charts I study and analyze, people with these signs always fascinate me the most with their life stories. These people tend to have the most dramatic journeys I noticed. They all share things in common, persevering alone, beating all odds, relying on themselves, and setting a good example for others. On that note, how have YOU been?? I hope life hasn't been testing you too badly? The day you'll be crowned will come, so hold on love  👑✨👸 I won’t be hyping you up in a sweet way I’ll be shouting at you so don’t mind my aries mercury.

People with these north node signs have to embody the spirit of the warrior, the fighter, the advocate, the trail blazer, the protector, they have no other choice. They persevere through unfathomable hardships. Many of them break generational patterns, needing to forge new ways rather than repeating the old. They remind me of the dragon, the lion, the tiger, the serpent, the owl, the eagle, all the spirit animals that are strong and powerful. This is a check in with you, an acknowledgment for your spirit, and a loving pat in the back from your leo north node friend. 🌞💛

Aries north node.

Rulers - south node: venus, north node: mars

How does it feel like having to fight and defend yourself since you were a child? Being attacked, played with, tested and teased by those around you, even adults coming at you? Being underestimated for your fighting ability and being put in the middle of a battle, unwillingly, even though all you really want is peace and harmony. You found it hard to stand on your own two feet, asserting dominance means conflict. You think you'll find peace but you're put in another battle. I’d be surprised if you haven’t had to fight physically at least once in your life. GET your ass up and STAND up for yourself, loudly, yes make a fuss. Let your voice be heard even if it disrupts the energy in the room. The universe claps for you when you beat their ass and hide the bible if god watching 💥🐯 (kendrick got an aries north node). Never let a bunch of cowards disrespect you, you're up to the challenge. The ways you move in life don’t have to be understood, you're forging new paths. Those who follow crowds lack your strong mindset, lack your vision and bravery. Move with integrity, and remember the truth always prevails at the end. 

With each battle you win, you're cultivating independence, a strong identity, self respect, autonomy over your life and a sense of direction. You are your greatest project and your most significant accomplishment. You've learned to rely on yourself, becoming an initiator, an entrepreneur, an advocate for justice, and a truth teller. Don't wait for people to join you to start, or compromise your needs and goals for others, you can do it solo. Free yourself from your libra ways of people pleasing and seeking social validation. Pick your battles, understand the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness, and discern what is truly worth fighting for. You're the one who stands up against bullies and liars. You're one of the warriors that the universe uses for justice.

Trust your ideas and instincts, you got all the answers. The universe fights with you and protects you, you're never totally alone. Mistakes teach us lessons, don’t fear them. You're a natural leader, your passion for life is unmatched. You're distinctive, what represents you can’t be duplicated. When life throws obstacles your way, it's to strengthen your fierce confidence, self assurance and independent spirit. 🐅 When you bravely told the truth, when you went your own way, when you created your own thing, when you walked alone, when you took those risks and said fuck what they say, you inspired many people, you awakened many, you left many in awe of your fiery spirit. 

Leo north node.

Rulers - south node: saturn and uranus, north node: sun

How does it feel like to be robbed of your childhood? Being left alone and abandoned as a child? Not receive validation or love? Having your confidence and light targeted and attacked from a young age? Your most beautiful qualities discarded and taken for granted. Your innocence betrayed, your trust and integrity repeatedly broken. Being envied and hated for simply being yourself, for your aura, for shining brightly without lifting a finger. Being alienated, having groups attack you for your unique qualities. Standing confidently alone and walking it all alone. You LEAD, you don't follow, and that can just mean leading your own life. Do you still want to give to others instead of yourself? You can appreciate humanity and inclusivity but release the excessive concern over it. You expose fake groups and encourage authenticity. Princess Diana did everything she wasn’t supposed to do and shined bright doing it, her kindness was golden and her strength was a threat, so they could only attack her (she was a leo north node). Honor yourself, you were blessed by the sun. ☀️💫

You lead from the heart and you're guided by your inner child. Loving yourself and embracing every part of you is for the brave. Leave that group mindset behind, those that just want to fit in are cowards, fuck what the group thinks. Your love, loyalty, strength and generosity are gifts to the world. Don't try to hide your heart, or fall into your aquarius south node ways of turning into an ice queen, isolating yourself and building this artificial heart on top of your real heart, for the greater good or for a bigger cause, or for protecting yourself. Just don’t give to people and places that don't value you. You're learning to bravely STAND up for yourself even if many are against you. You're naturally protected when you are accepting of yourself, and building your self esteem in a genuine way that is based on deep values and not societal expectations.

Heal and free your inner child, don't let the outside noise steal your joy, let yourself play and explore. You'll meet the sun at the end no matter how dark it gets. All those obstacles were meant to make you stronger, develop this inner strength of a lion, this fiery confidence and assurance that isn’t shaken by the outside world. ☄️🦁 That’s who you’re meant to be my love. You're meant to put yourself first at all times, to love, validate and compliment yourself. You’re here to shine in your authenticity. You inspire more people than you know, your spirit won’t go unnoticed, your purity of heart always leaves a mark in this world. Your light is infectious.

Capricorn north node.

Rulers - south node: moon, north node: saturn

How does it feel like being introduced to the harsh realities of the world since a young age? Having to parent yourself without enough support? Being underestimated as a child, restricted, and made to feel inadequate? Being shamed for your sensitivity and emotions. Being placed in the most troubled family with difficult circumstances and told to create a legacy? like hello? universe?? am I a joke to you? Being expected to take responsibility for something or someone. Having pressure constantly put onto you. You become the hardest worker, and then still being messed with? Like oops there’s no reward, do it again. Why are you surprised, you’re saturn’s puppet. The truth is the universe got your back. Reminds of me of Eminem (he’s a cap north node), see how he beat all odds and became one of the greatest? a role model both in his field and as a father. You show people that nothing is impossible. Those lessons become your greatest gifts that guide you to build a stronger and unshakable foundation. Break free from that shell you're used to, you EXPAND beyond that. You're here to be self made, rags to riches. 🎖️✨

Recognize the invaluable qualities you got, the talents, the unmatched energy, the patience, ambition, determination, the caring heart and courageous spirit. Give that respect to yourself FIRST, respect your core values and be proud of what made you. Saturn wants nothing but mastery, it’s your soul that craves mastery this lifetime. 🪐💫 You're learning to build your own safety, at home and in the world, and create your own rules. Let go of your cancer south node tendencies of clinging to the past, repeating mistakes because of childish insecurities or your need to be needed and respected by others. Nurture and provide for yourself by stepping into the world as a self sufficient, disciplined, and goal oriented adult.

Realize that all those difficult experiences happen to help you let go of the past, to build a stable and balanced emotional world. One thing for sure, nothing can stop you, setbacks and failure only fuel your motivation and life force. Rest assured you are promised the respect you yearn for, the success, stability and comfort you dreamed of. You’re one of the most resilient people, unforgettable. Your life story sparks a drive in others to chase their dreams, it inspires more people than you know. The generation will never be the same after you. When you get tired, you can slow down, but remember that everything you need is within you, never doubt that.

Scorpio north node.

Rulers - south node: venus, north node: mars and pluto

How does it feel like having to endure major losses? Having things constantly crashing down before you? Having to fight addictions, destructions and oppositions from everywhere? Not getting a hold of any sense of stability. Feeling like what you chase is escaping you. Experiencing betrayals and having people bring you down, waiting to see you fall. Being the one to blame and villinize when their shadows are triggered. Having no choice but to fight back and learn to survive. Your truth seeking and curious nature triggers many. You go to extreme lengths to find out the truth and seek justice. Your path being ruled by pluto, it removes that which is obsolete, unneeded, no matter how hard you hold into it. You have to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. Your path involves confronting your own shadow self. Survival and regeneration allow you to discover and become fully aware of your true power, limitless potential, and divine nature. “Unstoppable” by sia (she's a scorpio north node) narrates well this story of resilience. You're an alchemist of self, a transmuter of energy, a fighter in all realms. 🐉🔥

This restless mind of yours and psychic abilities you develop aren’t for nothing, they're gifts to help you surrender and trust the universe, the one thing you can't seem to do. You are the butterfly, always cocooning, always emerging. Your life path is a series of metamorphosis. Like a butterfly you're turned into liquid, dissolved, before you choose to spread your wings and fly. 🦋✨ The universe is teaching you that nothing is constant, everything changes, and our innate value as a soul doesn’t. Let go of the illusion of stability. You can choose to flow with the transformative waves instead of fighting them. It's okay to trust and rely on others too, accept it as a gift from the universe. Break free from your taurus south node ways of being too attached to material possessions. Putting too much value on material and physical pleasures won't help you evolve.

Embrace the spiritual side of our human experience, that’s what generates and creates the physical. The painful challenges you faced were meant to shift your values, for you to see and use your power for good. You have the potential to break generational curses and the responsibility to choose wisely between doing better or worse. You can become a great source of inspiration and comfort for others. Whenever I feel like giving up I literally look up a scorpio north node person. Just know that you can save lives. People confide in you, they share their deepest secrets and traumas and you inspire them to keep going because you understand that even the most terrible events will pass and bring about growth and beautiful rewards.

Aquarius north node.

Rulers - south node: sun, north node: saturn and uranus

How does it feel like being the different and outcast child? Growing up in a chaotic and unpredictable environment? Experiencing discrimination or being looked down at. Having situations and people try to humble you. Having your ideas, beliefs and findings rejected and misinterpreted. You're literally vibrating on a different frequency. You might be surrounded by a community or be totally alone, regardless, having a different mission can leave you feeling alienated. You've got an independent mind, you're an innovator, bringing all that's new and futuristic to the world. 🛸✨ You show people different ways of thinking and doing things, breaking and setting trends. Your desire to be a social activist, a scientist and a humanitarian helps us progress. Being ruled by uranus, expect the unexpected, all sorts of twists and turns, don’t be too attached or take things personally and react from your ego. When you embrace your uniqueness, not try to fit in, and do things for the greater good not for validation, you align with your mission. You're a voice for others and that's a responsibility not to take lightly. 

While staying true to yourself, broaden your vision beyond what only affects you, recognize that we're all interconnected. You must learn to share the spotlight and celebrate all others. Let go of your old leo tendencies of extravagance, self importance and self serving behavior, they’ll only pull you backwards. We progress together and you are a catalyst for evolution. You have a deep connection to the earth and the universe, honoring your place within it. You're perplexed by those bums that lack decency and humanity and carelessly harm this earth. Sza, one of my fav artists today got an aquarius north node, and she embodies it well. If you're familiar with her story, you'll know she comes from a different and diverse background, her music style is distinctive, her interests are weird or unexpected, and her humanity and empathy make her relatable and admirable.

Your mission is so important my love, no one can do it but you. Your ability to see solutions beyond conventional teachings are gifts to the world. You recognize that everyone is unique, you celebrate their differences, and encourage individuality in others. People like you are the ones that awaken this world from outdated ideologies and conditionings. It's why this is one of my fav north nodes, it drives us forward by seeking freedom and authenticity, rather than conforming. You are a radiant shining star that holds much needed hope for everyone. 🌬️⭐️

[moronkombat]

Bi-Han nsfw alphabet? 🫣🧊

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Bi-Han is rather tender with his lover after having sex. He is quick to check on them, making sure they are comfortable and content. A large hand will encompass a cheek and his eyes will search his lover's before he pulls you close. His arms around you like a barrier to the entire world and its evils. He will protect you from them all

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Bi-Han is proud of his face. Not because it a handsome one but becomes it is identical to his mother's. Her visage is painted on him, it all he has left of her to look at besides aging photos. As he ages he likes to think his mother would look this way too

His partner's hands. So much smaller and lighter than his own, so easily to be broken. Bi-han would never. Not in any lifetime would he harm his lover. Those hands are to be held, kisses and caressed

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Definitely prefers to finish inside his partner. It is much more intimate and personal for him to release himself within a place most warm and hidden. Bi-Han truly feels deeply connected to his partner when their natural essence mingle and flow together

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Is often plagued by "inappropriate" thoughts of his lover. There is a hunger behind his eyes that fill his head with tantalizing fantasies of the carnal variety. He will tell absolutely no one that he often thinks of his lover quite lewdly. He vents these thoughts through rigorous exercise and sparring with other Lin Kuei

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's a virgin Very inexperienced. Bi-Han found little use or time for engaging in sexualized behaviors. He is not partial to seeking out a bedwarmer or a temptation of the night. When Bi-Han loves, it is completely and truly and with the one person he holds dearest

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Very much so ever changing. The position often changes based on the opportunity that is in front of him. Though he is rather traditional and prefers missionary with his lover. It feels right when he can look into his lovers eyes, bodies pressed closely together. Bi-Han likes to be on top because he wishes to hold you close and shield you from all the horrors of the world

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bi-Han is exceptionally serious in the bedroom. He will not incorporate humor as he finds it disrespectful to you and this private moment shared between the two of you. Bi-Han would never disgrace his lover in such a way

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Bi-Han is neat and groomed but not hairless. He makes it a point to keep himself trimmed and even as to not pester his partner by accidentally irritating them with prickly hairs. While he can grow facial hair, he almost always shaves it but tends to rush through it causing his skin to feel roughened

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Despite his rather grim and intimidating demeanor, Bi-Han longs to show his partner a perfect romance. The only problem with that is he is incredibly awkward in that subject. That will not stop him from trying and, if he's known his lover for awhile, he eventually finds a good pattern of romance. He shows romance through gestures and not words. Do not expect to hear him say those three pretty words. They are not needed when he holds you so tenderly as your bodies entangle and he whispers to you "my heart"

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Seldomly indulges in such acts but probably should. He does have "impure" thoughts of his lover very frequently and intrusively and they weigh on him. He mostly releases himself through exercise or roughly sparring with someone

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Marking- Bi-Han is rather "vanilla" on the surface but peal the skin further back and corruption lingers. While he will never leave a cut on his partner or anything that will tear the skin he does enjoy leaving those reddened circles where he kissed and sucked. He is very meticulous when placing them, always somewhere no one else can see. They are for him and you to feast upon their memories in privacy. He does not leave exposed marks as to not bring attention to you or disrespect you. Bruising tends to occur during sex due to the sheer size of pace of him. While he feels guilty bringing them about, there is something about seeing your skin so painted quite thrilling

Breeding/Pregnancy- This is one he will never admit. He'd rather choke on these words than confess to such a perversion. Yet he is so enticed when he thinks about getting his partner pregnant with his child, with his heir. He groans and his spine curls just thinking about it. Each time he cums within his lover, there is a betraying prayer that wishes for his seed to take root so that you may grow round with child. If his partner were to become pregnant, he finds them incredibly attractive. Probably more than he should

Size difference- Bi-Han is large and his lover is...so fragile and delicate. Barely can he fit himself within warm walls. It takes oh so long for him to completely sheath himself inside. His hand will lay upon your naval and there he feels himself moving, the very outline of him traced into his palm

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bi-Han will almost always prefer to take his lover in the bedroom. He does not allow anyone in his personal quarter. That is a place for him and now it is for you too. It means to be exposed and vulnerable to have another in his room with him. He finds this the perfect place to express his love to you

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Bi-Han gets in the mood by his partner's appearance. A pretty expression, a graceful step a lithe build that seems so different than his own. He longs to take away those layers of clothing and take your body into his arms

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Bi-Han will not harm his lover. He will not lay a hurtful hand on them, he just can't. Never will he bring them pain. Bi-Han will only protect you from it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He enjoys both but expects to give you oral more than receive it. Why? Because he sees how much you like it and how loud you get for him. Louder than sound your moans can be when he between your legs and that really riles him up. However, receiving is also very much so enjoyed and he tends to be rather noisy when you go down on him

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Bi-Han is a rather healthy mis between the two. He will be slow and sensual but also pick up the tempo when he starts to really get into the mood. Those are when he bruises to your hips are created as his own slam and collide into yours while teeth are bared or snagged against a lip and groans most guttural spawn in his throat

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Does not prefer them as he feels it does not allow enough time to truly experience each other fully. Will he outright refuse them? No but he does not seek them out at all

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Bi-Han is a cautious lover i will go down with this ship so taking risks are not exactly thought of. Will he experiment? Yes, as long as it brings no harm to his lover or makes him feel as though he is hurting them

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Seemingly unlimited stamina. This man is a bull made of steel and iron. He could continue all night and into the morning but he does not often do that as his lover tends to tire quicker than him

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He'd be open to the idea of them but ultimately unsure and a bit lost in terms of how to use them. He will need guidance and his partner to request their use. Otherwise, they do not even cross his mind

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A fair lover most of the time but he does succumb to those impish temptations. This mostly manifests during oral sex with his partner. He longs to hear your whines more and more and so he tends to draw out his methods when using his tongue

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Bi-Han groans and grunts frequently during sex and is not silence nor quiet. He not loud either, however. He falls somewhere in middle and begins to reach his most audible during a faster pace

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Bi-Han is prone to jealousy even if he and his partner have been in a long standing committed relationship. He simply cannot help but feel a twitch of annoyance when your attention is on another. He often glares at the one you are speaking with which doesn't go unnoticed. When he is feeling particularly jealous he will become vocal about it in bed by saying "you are mine and i am yours. this will be forever"

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Bi-Han is muscular, toned and very fit. His body has been built up and carved by combat and training. His arms are large and powerful, legs muscular and refined. Every part of his body showcases his exquisite physique. He is large in every way with his length above average and with a hefty girth to match

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is moderate. Not too high but not low. He fits comfortably in the middle. He and his lover do not engage in primal desires daily but typically do not go longer than a couple of days without it

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

His eyes do not close nor does he leave his lover in the bed. His aim to stay with them after each time he and you have sex. Bi-Han holds you to him but often says very little or nothing at all. Yet he does not sleep, not until you do. He simply enjoys laying in your comfort and love until you are ready to sleep

[aeternallis]

It may be a bit of a hot take, but imo Kimchay has always been the most insidious of the three canon couples in KPTS, and I just love that for them.

It's deceptively easy at first glance to assume they're the healthiest/softest couple in the show, because at the onset of their relationship, they meet under the best of circumstances when compared to the other two. They don't have any questionable explicit scenes, and their storyline is almost cut off from the intertwining web of the other two couples' storylines.

But with the exception of their first meeting at the open house, every interaction thereafter—no matter how kind Kim acts, whatever feelings he begins to have for Chay, no matter how guilty he looks each time—takes place against the backdrop of Kim's hidden motives and the looming truth of who he is.

It's always been fascinating to me how KimChay stands out against the other two couples, because unlike Porsche and Pete who have the physical prowess to fight off Kinn and Vegas respectively and reinforce the boundaries they have when these hardheaded mafia men disrespects their autonomy, the only thing Chay has going for him in order to reinforce said boundaries is through mental fortitude. Being blunt with Kim about minding his own business, not answering his call, blocking his number...all these things shows the level of self-respect Chay has for himself when he's been wronged.

We the audience knows this, this isn't anything new. What Chay lacks in physical capability, he more than makes up for by that metaphorical spine of steel.

That’s not to say that I’m minimizing what Porsche and Pete went through; all the Theerapanyakul men are underhanded in some form or another. Porsche and Pete too have the capability in talking back through their own mental fortitude; they would have to, considering the lives they’ve lead thus far. But when push comes to shove, these two also have the added fighting capability—earned through a lifetime of hardship and necessity—to stave off the mafia men’s physical aggression, as we see a couple of times in the show. It’s partly through this fighting capability that they earn Kinn and Vegas’s respect, that they learn the hard way that Porsche and Pete won't be bullied so easily.

I cannot stress enough the fact that there is a difference between loving someone and respecting them.

The honesty between KinnPorsche and VegasPete has always had a brutal edge to it; I think it's why they both get a happily ever after (at least where we leave them off in the show), because they've already seen the worst of each other.

But we know that Chay in contrast isn't a fighter, if his immediate reaction to the kidnappers is anything to go by. One would think that this isn't his first rodeo with an attempted attack in his home (loan sharks and all that), and he’d know some self-defense considering who his brother is. Yet still, his instinct was to call for help, as he probably would do the same had Porsche been there with him.

But as we see in the show, Porsche’s overprotectiveness of Chay is to a point that it becomes detrimental to his safety. After all, why hasn't Porsche taught Chay to defend himself, if they've had experience before of getting harassed in their own home?

It's through mental fortitude alone that Chay can perfectly match Kim, because there is no way for this boy to fight off Kim’s aggression in the way Porsche and Pete can with Kinn and Vegas respectively.

And before I go on, I don't think there's any need to argue that Kim would never show or point towards Chay so much aggression, not when he's already done it:

The only reason Kim let go of his hand in this scene so easily is because he was stunned by Chay's antagonism towards him (besides the fact that he was butthurt af when Chay outright calls him out). This scene, along with the scene before it and the bar fight scene, heavily hints at the sort of aggression that Kim is potentially capable of showing/pointing towards Chay. (I wonder what was the stage direction given to Jeff in this scene that Barcode had to yank his wrist back that hard, yknow?)

I'm pretty sure this was partly the point of this scene below; it begs the question of that unknown dimension between the two of them:

But getting back on point: Chay only has his mental fortitude to match Kim and reinforce his boundaries, but even then, it’s not completely foolproof; given enough time, Kim can find ways to disarm Chay, as we see in their final scene together.

And of course it goes without saying, there are moments in the show where it's very obvious Kim truly returns Chay's affections, even moved and inspired by him. But ultimately, even where the audience is left off in terms of where their relationship is at, Kim doesn't respect him—or rather, he doesn't respect the boundaries Chay has drawn in the sand between them.

If Kim had truly respected those boundaries, he would not have reached out the way he did. He would not have reached out with an unknown number, in order to bait Chay into clicking that video link. He would not have used Chay's own song to re-write it into a love song for him.

Because for all of Chay's mental fortitude, in the end, even if Kim himself did not see Chay's reaction to the video, the end result he likely wanted came about: he found a way for Chay to pay attention to him again and more than that--hold that attention, because Chay doesn't delete the video.

Everything this final scene together entailed is arguably calculated on Kim's part. After all, nothing has changed: it happens against the backdrop of Kim's selfish motive. The motive has changed (from getting information on Porsche to getting Chay back/to forgive him), yes—but the nature of it hasn’t.

I think that's what makes Kimchay's relationship the most insidious of the three in my eyes, because despite everything they've been through so far, Kim still doesn't respect Chay's boundaries, not at this stage of their relationship, if ever. Besides that, Kim can and has found ways to counter Chay's strongest asset, to bring his guard down if you will.

And Chay has nothing else he can use against Kim to reinforce his boundaries, not fighting capability and certainly not distance, alas.

There is definitely a level of selfishness in Kim that surpasses the selfishness also inherent in Kinn and Vegas due to their upbringing, yknow?

It's why they hold my attention so much, I think: the sheer potential they have to become the most unhinged couple in this story, and how much I'm drawn to it like a moth a flame~

[circeyoru]

Once Upon A Dream = Requested

[Yandere!Alastor x Malleus Draconia!Reader]

The Request

The bells of judgment rang all throughout Hell as the red sky was split open like there was a crack in the glass. A golden crack that poured in winged humanoids dressed in black and white, with horned masks covering the soldiers’ head, in their hands held spears of silvery colour that shine and reflect any form of light that shines on it. Sickly grins painted all their masked faces as their wings flapped and descended to the inferno realm. 

You, a foreigner of this realm known as Hell, watched while standing at the highest point of the building that the Princess owned and loved with all her heart and soul. Your grip on your staff tightened as the winds howled and your green dragon-like eyes followed the exterminators’ movement through the portal from Heaven to Hell. You raised your staff that has a spinning wheel on top and it glowed an eerie green before the same glow surrounded your form. 

It happened like any other day, you were enjoying your time in Twisted Wonderland and strolling with your bodyguards slash family and friends on the forest grounds of Night Raven College when you were suddenly brought to another universe. No one feared you, nor did they shriek at the sight of your horns atop your head. Rather, they dared to show you disrespect. It was foreign but an experience you didn’t shy away. You walked around and came across a cutely drawn poster of a ‘Happy Hotel’ ran by the Princess of Hell.

Well, you needed a place to stay while you figured things out so you sort out this Happy Hotel. To your pleasant surprise, no one inside feared you or actively avoided you out of fear or anything you were familiar with. The dear Princess, Charlie Morningstar as you soon learned, was quick to label you as a ‘patient’ and a newcomer in Hell. The latter was correct as you were new to Hell and this world, but the former, well, you were amused, so you let it slide.

Overtime, you never used your powers in front of them but behind closed doors, you experimented to try to find a way back home. As much as you enjoyed your time with Charlie and the other residence, it wasn’t home so you knew you had to leave, but you’d never rob yourself of the experience of a lifetime to mingle so freely with them. Never have you been able to be so outgoing and lively, you recall yourself always observing and standing on the sidelines. Here, you can be yourself. Perhaps this was the growth your guardians wanted you to have when they enrolled you into Night Raven College. 

Still though, you owe a lot of your opened self to the charming demon called Alastor. Like you, he was whispered to be dangerous and a figure to be feared. And feared he was, but unlike you, that never deterred him from being as outgoing and spontaneous as he was to anyone. He, along with Charlie, was someone that gave you a hand in the darkness and guided you out of the mist that you shrouded yourself in. Through his encouragement and stubbornness, he pushed you into the limelight and bathed you in warmth you never enjoyed unless you were with your close ones or subject of interest. Truely, you have a lot to thank the hotel staff.

That was why you planned to do as you will. War between the hotel’s residence and Heaven’s warriors have been sealed and is about to commence, but you who have never used magic, not to mention your unique magic, even once in front of others will now do so. Despite being a feared and isolated individual, you’re not one to wish for bloodshed and pain on others, much less the people/demons you’ve grown soft for. So for their kindness and generosity towards you all this time, you will grant them all a dream where only their greatest desires and wants come true. Until the day ends and the angels will be forced to return as per the agreement of their extermination period.

“Spinning wheel of fate, keep pulling the thread of disaster. As Ruler of the Abyss, I shall bestow this upon you. Fae of Maleficence.” You casted with your staff raised in the air, the wheel on the spinning wheel began to spin to the point it turned into a disc with glowing green aura. You lowered it and waved it in a semi-circle in front of you to let your green aura spread below you.

Green vines creeped down from your spot and thorns began to form the longer it grew, they reached to the battlefield where the two sides clashed. Before the vines reached them, your aura did first, you watched with narrowed eyes as their movements slowed until whatever they were holding was dropped to the ground. Murmurs of confusion and accusations flooded the battlefield. It was in this time that one by one the numbers of beings conscious dropped like flies. To your friends’ enemies, they fell into a bed of vine coated with thorns. To your dearest friends, they laid on a bed of vine with blossomed flowers to soften their fall.

“Mhm.” You hummed with a satisfied smirk, taking a seat and laid your staff on your lap while admiring your work. It has been a while since last you used this spell, granted that this was the first time you’ve done it outside of practices, but the effects were going as you foreseen. “Have sweet dreams. When you wake, this war will be over.”

🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕

“Princess Charlie! Outstanding work! You’ve done it again. I see the divide between Heaven and Hell no longer needed when more and more Sinner have been becoming permanant resident of my fair realm.” God laughed as he patted Charlie on the back.

“Aw, thanks, but I’m just trying to save my people from being killed.” Charlie smiled back as she tried to control her blushing.

“It’s more than that, my beloved daughter.” Lucifer immediately had Charlie’s hands in his as he stared up at her with proud eyes and a warm smile. “Charlie, you’ve done something I never thought was possible.” He hugged her tightly, “I’m so proud of you.”

Charlie hugged tightered as she smiled. “Thanks dad!”

Everyone joined in on the hug with Vaggie being the first to come over and overly, everyone joined. Her friends that were the first to leave her for Heaven all rejoiced with Charlie’s success. Every one of her once demon friend all redeemed Sinner and proud members of Heaven safe from the yearly pain and fear. 

Charlie hummed, “I love you guys so much.”

🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕

“Vaggie, please.” Charlie took Vaggie by the hand as she kneeled down on one knee, Vaggie gasped as she waited for her love to continue. Charlie reached into her pocket and took out a red velvet box, holding it so gently in her pale hands she opened it and showed Vaggie a pair of well crafted rings. “Will you make me the happiness demon princess and marry me?”

“Yes! Hell’s yes!” Vaggie smiled with tears streaming down.

Charlie didn’t hesitate to put the ring on Vaggie’s finger before rushing to give each other a bear hug of the century. “Let’s take this inside.”

Vaggie nearly melted with the lowered voice of her love, she only managed to nod while Charlie had already sweeped her off her feet and brought her into the bedroom.

🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕 🎕

Alastor hummed a tune as he enjoyed his deer on a table while the radio played in his room. Ah, this was the afterlife. A nice meal after some clean up and Vaggie didn’t even complain or set the annoying restriction of ‘no killing or devouring’ but he was a good sport when the Princess was at watch, most of the time. Plus! He can’t very well ruin his breakfast, right?

“Alastor!” Charlie called out while Alastor was walking down the halls from an inspection. “Alastor! Thank Hell I found you!”

“Hm? What is it, dear?” Alastor stopped and asked with his head tilted to the side. 

“Vox is causing a scene at the front desk again! Can you please do something about it? You’re the only one here that can!” Charlie begged with kitten-like eyes. “My dad is just holed up in his room all the time and wasn’t helping even when I called! I need you, Alastor!!”

Alastor’s smile grew, his clawed hand recahing out to pat Charlie by the head. “Of course, dear. What kind of partner would I be if I refused?” He turned to the direction Charlie came from and began his way to the front desk, Charlie tailing behind him. “Haha, a bad one! Oh ho ho, no sir!”

When the two had arrived, Vox wasn’t exactly causing a scene of a large scale, but he was doing something annoying. There Vox was, standing ever so near you while trying to pathetically charm you. What a laugh, you had higher standards than that. Though that wasn’t the point, the point was how he could practically feel his claws sharpening and his horns growing at the sight. 

There was just something that made his blood boil and his dead heart beating so loudly at the sight. How dare that flatscreen demon just waltz into his hotel and cause disturbance? Not to mention try to steal you from under his roof? That just won’t do.

Vox’s screams of argony and pain were music to his ears as he delievered blow after blow while laughting manically. The hotel members cheered and praised Alastor for his work, all while Vox was kicked out of the hotel to whatever place Alastor’s minions threw him at. 

This day was just so perfect.

“Alastor, that was so scary and you were like a dark knight.” You came to his side, staring into his red eyes with your magnetic ones. “I’m glad this hotel has you, I’m grateful you’re here for me.”

Like you were something out of a dream.

Dream? Alastor’s eyes blinked as if he had come to his senses. He looked around and saw the smiles and cheers directed at him. Everyone’s attention was on him? Odd. Usually, Husk would be at the bar drinking his consciousness away, Angel would be on some inappropriate site, Niffty would be cleaning, Sir Pentious would be with his Egg Bois, Vaggie and Charlie would be together coming up with something, and you. 

You’d be holed up in your room doing who knows what.

“My dearest darling.” Alastor grinned as his hands took yours in his, giving you a twirl. It was weird how you let him in such close proximity without becoming stiff as a board and that soft smile of yours was a rare sight. “Will you be mine?”

You smiled and hummed, “Was there any doubt? Absolutely.”

While Alastor was dancing and twirling with you in his hands, he felt so out of place but at the same time excited. A dream was what this was, and one of the greatest calibur. He was the main character and everything would be to his wishes and design no matter what. 

Though, what he realized from this was another desire he has been pushing away.

You.

Note: This is a full story format, as you've all come to realize. The Reader is from Twisted Wonderland, you can check the request info. I changed the part where you were supposed to be human to a fae.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed this!

Circe Y. 

My Works: MASTERLIST

Taglist:@aconfusedwonderland @crowleysthings @donustellaron @mistpurpl3 @lucifers-silhouette @fluffy-koalala

[silverjirachi]

saw a post on here that i dont want to be negative on and detract from but it made me realize that yeah. my parents would choose their faith over their child. and have. neither of them said i love you or goodbye the day i came out, after i wrote a big long letter to them explaining more about my gender and bisexuality, in which i compared being trans to the stress of being a moth when everyone expects you to be a butterfly, my father told me i had “better be celibate or else i’d not only be a moth but a dirty one too.”

and it is hard to look past the hurt of this sometimes and realize that it is just cruelty. they are so rigid about god they would rather bring the hammer on their own suffering child than examine their own belief system and admit maybe they were wrong. or at the very least, learn something.

but my mother told me once she was “too old to learn something new” and my father has been very consistent and open about the order of priorities in his life, which he has constantly repeated are “#1 God, #2 Family, #3 Self” but it is of my opinion in being this way to his own child he has actually chosen to put Self before all, because he would rather not violate his own invented priorities than extend empathy for his child. Because in his set of priorities, to do so would violate #1, and to violate this set of priorities harms no one but himself.

but why do I call such priorities invented? Isn’t that the rule we are taught in our faith? Well in my faith I learned that God is imminent within everything. So this hierarchical priority list sets a false expectation of reality that simply doesn’t exist. Why must every situation in life default to this hierarchy? Why must your expression of love be tiered? Why would you rather conform to this tiered and hierarchical structure that suppresses those you love underneath others than understand that each gives equal and unique value and is shifting priority at different times? Not only that, but to venture out of this constructed hierarchy for two seconds to examine other aspects of our faith that say that God is in our words and our actions, and thus by merely holding the intention in your heart with words you say and actions you do you can actually still prioritize him at all times without subjugating others beneath him.

But what do I know? I wasn’t raised by these same staunch Christians or anything. I certainly don’t know that hierarchies of power thrive on fear and that in fact these actions of cruelty to your family and children, in this model, are actually expressions of love. Because if you don’t conform to God’s expectations, then you don’t get into heaven, so anyone who tries to quash any sense of nonconformity out of you is actually looking out for the best interest of your soul. It is hard to explain to someone who has built an entire lifetime on fear of being punished that their actions of cruelty are not expressions of love.

When my parents hit me as a child, this was not an expression of love. This was an expression of power and fear. I had done something wrong that I didn’t know better and from their worldview the only way to “teach” me correctly would be to make me suffer a corporeal punishment. This did nothing but make me fear and distrust them. This did nothing but drive extreme distance between us, and yet my parents would call these expressions of love. Because I was learning the proper way to behave. And not only this, but this understanding of discipline is indeed false, because I work with young children every summer and never once have had to even think about raising a hand to them to get them to understand. These priorities are the same.

Their actions were cruelty. It’s as simple as that. They were disrespectful and unkind, and they drove the final wedge that made me understand that they would rather hang tightly on in fear to the expectations of their own faith than share joy with me at my hypothetical gay wedding. And why would I do them the disservice of inviting them to such an event, an event that may ask them to compromise their own values, when I already know what path they have chosen? Perhaps the expression of love to them, then, is keeping them away. But I do wonder if they’d still feel this way if they weren’t invited to my wedding.

When I was 18 and going into college my mom told me that “my beliefs were very strong, and to never do anything that compromised my values.” And I never have. I never have.

[rosesloveletters]

1971!Willy Wonka NSFW Alphabet

Pairing: 1971 Willy Wonka x Reader

Word Count: 2,069

Warnings: nsfw / sexual content.

Summary: Filled out NSFW alphabet template.

Author's Note: I think this was requested, but I had planned to write it anyway. Since I don't know when I'll have another full fic to post, here's a lil treat. Enjoy <3

divider created by @/saradika on Tumblr.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Willy is very attentive to your needs after passionate lovemaking sessions. Need help getting cleaned up? He’ll take the initiative to get up first and help you clean yourself up. Want some cuddles? He’ll be there with open arms, waiting for you to curl up in his embrace. Whatever it is that you need, he is more than happy to oblige. As long as you make your needs known, he will always do his best to meet them. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

As an intellectual, Willy loves his brain and all things connected to it, i.e. his thoughts, ideas, desires, etc. His mind is what attracted you to him so how could he not fall in love with it just a little bit? He would also say that he is quite fond of his hands because of how easily he can use them to create things, carry out his whims or bring you pleasure…

He is also in love with your brain and all of the beautiful things in it. There is not one specific thing he loves the most about your physical appearance. Every part of your body is equally intriguing to him, but in different ways. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Wonka is not fond of cum, mainly because of the mess. His creative, artistically inclined mindset often means that he is disorganized, yet he is never dirty or messy. He takes pride in his appearance, so anything directly related to any bodily functions are taken care of discreetly and with haste. 

He is a gentleman and perceives that ejaculation anywhere on his lover’s body is disrespectful. 

He treats his partner with respect and only cums inside of them, while of course wearing a condom—safe sex is incredibly important to him. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He occasionally fantasizes about his partner hiding beneath his desk and giving him a blowjob while he works. 

Or perhaps his thoughts might drift to them taking him aside in the chocolate room and dropping to their knees behind one of the trees or mushrooms and satisfying him there. 

He would never, ever let it happen, mostly because he could not stand the thought of someone seeing or catching him in the act. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not as experienced as one might think, but he knows enough to engage in the act without needing any guidance. 

He has only had a couple of sexual encounters in his lifetime, mostly because he has a low sex drive and doesn’t think about it or experience urges very often. His mind is preoccupied with creating new products and he doesn’t have much time to think about or engage in sex. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary is his favorite. 

It’s a classic and he loves to be able to gaze into his partner’s eyes, watching all the little emotions that flicker across their face as he makes love to them. 

A close-second is having his partner straddle his lap while they ride him. Sometimes it is enjoyable for him to let them take the lead and he certainly appreciates sitting back and letting them use his body to bring themself pleasure.  

On the rarest of occasions, he will take his partner from behind, mostly if he is already in a more possessive mood.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It depends on his mood. 

Wonka is usually very jovial and a bit of a trickster. 

He does not believe that sex must be serious all the time, but he will read the room and conduct himself after the precedent his lover sets. 

His partner’s overall enjoyment is his top priority and if cracking jokes or laughter helps make the experience more fun for them, he’ll be sure to find little ways of bringing a bit of humor into the personal encounter. 

H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Wonka tends to be a bit vain. 

He is well-groomed; trimmed, not shaven. 

The carpet does match the drapes in terms of curliness, however down below is thicker and one or two shades darker than on top of his head.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Willy is a romantic at heart.

Every aspect of intimacy is very romantic and, depending on how comfortable his partner is with it, he will make sure that every sexual act is steeped in romance. 

He wants his partner to feel comfortable and safe enough to be vulnerable with him. After all, Wonka is being just as vulnerable as they are and the romantic aspect is in part done for him as much as for his lover. 

He loves to give kisses and nuzzles and gentle touches. 

His hands will guide his lover’s movements, helping them maneuver themselves if they are finding it difficult to do so on their own. 

Often, he takes it upon himself to shoulder the more dominant position, however, he can find plenty of ways to be romantic in a more submissive role if his partner feels more comfortable with that.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Wonka rarely, if ever, masturbates. 

He thinks too much and is unable to achieve orgasm. 

It doesn’t bring him pleasure the same way that making love to his partner does and if he is seeing someone, then what is the point in doing it himself?

If it ever comes to it, he’ll masturbate in the shower because he can easily get rid of the evidence and clean himself off immediately afterwards. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Wonka isn’t very kinky. 

However, he prides himself on being a brat tamer and isn’t afraid to speak his mind, sometimes sending his partner into a tailspin because of the things he says to keep them in line. 

There is a bit of a darker side to him and, on occasion and with the right stimulus, he can be persuaded into becoming demanding, playing the role of a very dominant partner for the sake of having passionate, possessive sex. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Wonka is not interested in having sex anywhere except in the bedroom. 

He does not even want to think of anyone having perceptions of his sex life or the knowledge that he engages in anything of a sexual nature, even though he is not ashamed of it or anything like that. 

He likes to maintain his privacy and therefore he won’t risk anyone seeing him perform any sexual acts. 

Occasionally he might be persuaded into making love on the couch, yet he still does not appreciate how exposed the living room feels in comparison to the privacy of the bedroom.  

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Clever word play and wit are very stimulating for Wonka. 

Wonka has sex using his mind, not just his body. It entices him when his partner matches his intellect and can find ways to stimulate the conversation the same way one might do with his body. 

It gets him going to see his partner dressing up for him or taking pride in their appearance for him. It turns him on to no end if he ever sees them casually wearing one of his shirts or trying on his clothes. 

He’s got a bit of a thing for seeing his partner in lingerie…

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Willy would never do anything to cause his partner any pain or discomfort, nor would he take advantage of them or knowingly cross any boundaries without direct approval or consent. 

He will be checking on and following up with his partner throughout any sexual encounter to be certain that he still has their consent and will immediately stop if he even suspects they are uncomfortable or do not wish to continue. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Wonka prefers giving rather than receiving, but he wouldn’t turn down a blowjob every once in a while, especially after a particularly rough day. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and steady is just what Wonka likes.

Nothing about the way that Wonka makes love to his partner is ever fast and rough, unless they would like for it to be. 

Wonka takes his time, striving to give pleasure to his partner over time, building up to a crescendo of emotion and release rather than giving it everything all that once. 

Foreplay is incredibly important to him and he won’t skip it; it takes incredible skill to get it just right. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

As stated above, Wonka likes to take his time and therefore, he wouldn’t go for a quickie unless it was the only option. 

He would prefer to wait if no other options were available to him because times spent with his lover is so precious to him that he would not want to be rushed. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Wonka is not a risk taker when it comes to sex. 

Unprotected sex is a big ‘no’ for him. He is not interested in having children of his own and he cares enough about his partner to take their feelings and needs into consideration as well. 

There are times for risks and intimacy is not one of them as far as he is concerned. 

As for experimentation, he is willing to try most things at least once, especially if his partner asks for them. 

The only thing unacceptable to him is causing his partner any discomfort or pain. The most one might be able to coax out of him is a bit of spanking, but do not expect it to cause much pain at all. He hates even the thought of accidentally hurting his partner; he would find it nearly impossible to forgive himself if he harmed them. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Wonka makes up for his lack of stamina with his passion, charisma and charm. 

Due to the duration of a session, he is usually exhausted and satisfied after one round.

However, if his partner wants more, he will do what he can to satisfy them, although he always makes certain that this is a rarity; he is gifted in knowing how to please his partner so that one round is almost always plenty for both of them. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

This might come as a surprise, but Wonka can be a bit jealous and territorial regarding his partner. He would not like the idea of them relying on a toy for personal pleasure when he is willing and perfectly capable of satisfying their every desire. 

He does not forbid his partner from pleasuring themselves, nor will he be angry if he were to find out they owned and used toys, but he would want to have a conversation about whether or not their needs were being met so that he could do his best to meet them and would use this opportunity to check up on them and make sure he isn’t doing anything that they don’t like or do not wish for him to continue doing.  

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

In the right mood, Wonka is a relentless tease. 

He can undress his partner with just his eyes, leaving them squirming under his piercing blue gaze. 

He’ll be a bit unfair sometimes, using his personal wit and charm to debilitate his partner and leave them crumbling beneath him. 

He can and will talk circles around just about anyone. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Willy is not very loud. 

The most his partner will get out of him are a few grunts and the occasional breathy moan. 

Unless directly requested, he won’t make very much noise. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Along the lines of a more sensual headcanon, Wonka would love to shower with his partner. 

Cleanliness is very important to him (it must be since he works with food) and showering together is a nice way to help him feel more connected with his partner and to warm himself and loosen up his muscles before intimacy occurs. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Wonka’s body is very soft. 

He is not chiseled or have a rigid, sharp bone structure. 

His skin is very soft and plush, conducive to being cuddled and squished. 

He is somewhat toned and has an average build with some defined muscle, specifically in his biceps and thighs. 

He has a broad chest that lacks a lot of hair, though he does have a faint happy trail leading from his belly button down to his pelvic area. 

His manhood is slightly above average. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

My personal headcanon is that Wonka is greysexual and therefore his sex drive is very low. 

He does not strike me as someone who values sex as a defining part of a romantic relationship, although he does appreciate it for its role and has desires and urges he needs to satisfy from time to time. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It takes him a while to fall asleep afterward, mainly because he is concerned with making sure his partner’s needs have been met before he allows himself to relax or take what he needs. 

Once they have been looked after, Wonka will relax, cuddling into them and letting himself drift off into dreamland. 

[heathersdesk]

Confession Time:

I don't like Come Follow Me and never have. And I haven't been able to articulate why until I tried to buckle down and start with the Book of Mormon this year.

The first paragraph of the first section for 1 Nephi 1-5 ends with this sentence:

"Overall, there is power in this imperfect family’s examples of faith."

I was rocked by that a little bit the first time I read it.

I thought to myself, "Wow. Are we really going to confront the hero worship and unhealthy worldviews our community has internalized about this book because of the way the negative behaviors of the characters are never challenged or confronted for what they are? That many of the details are included because they're cautionary tales about what NOT to do, but you'd never know that based on how the material is presented and talked about by our people at large because the conversation is driven by the needless compulsion to focus on the same tired perspectives of faith promotion that the subjects sometimes don't deserve?"

*reads the section, which is full of the same "I will go and do" about Nephi that they always do, without once confronting the conflicts, doubts, and struggles of anyone but Nephi in any serious way, some of which are exacerbated (if not cause) by Nephi being insufferable and self-righteous to everyone around him*

Nephi is an unreliable narrator, y'all. You're not supposed to believe everything he says, thinks, and does. Especially when he's younger. His view of the people around him and their motivations lack depth because he was totally unconcerned with their feelings and struggles. He was bad at helping and honoring people in their darkest moments, having nothing better to offer them for support than glib and shallow assertions that they would be struggling less if they were more like him. An attitude he learned from his father's blatant and unapologetic favoritism.

Nephi is not an example of what to do when there is conflict in your family. And it takes him until "O wretched man that I am" to realize he's not the most important man in every room. His disrespect for other people in his leadership is the reason they want nothing to do with him, and it takes him a lifetime of chasing people away from God to realize he's not as good of a person as he thinks he is. He has failed people from his need to be seen as being better than he is, better than everyone else is at loving God and knowing what that means. And this becomes a cultural artifact, a baked-in foregone conclusion in the minds of his people that ends up shaping their self-perceptions until it destroys them. His personal failures, viewed for their long-term ramifications and consequences, is part of what this book is supposed to be about.

But sure. Let's do "I will go and do" again, without pondering in any serious way if Nephi's interpretation of his interaction with the Holy Ghost might be lacking in credibility because the alternative is to say something closer to "We really botched this job and killing Laban was not a forgone conclusion or a necessary evil that I can acquit myself of because God said it was okay."

Maybe we don't have to believe that. Maybe we can examine how our culture in the modern church has perpetuated this same logical fallacy with vigilante violence, justified by appeals to this exact story.

Point being, never read the story of Nephi without keeping it firmly fixed in your mind that he's going to regret and repent of most of this later. That cross reference to 2 Nephi 4 is probably the most important thing you can have in your margins every time he says or does something totally uncalled for. 🖖

[wazabii]

Jealousy? Or Insecurity

Imaushi Wakasa

Tw: jealousy, Sub!Wakasa, use of Babydoll, Haitani Ran x OC, praise and little degradation, Crying Wakasa, female reader, touchy with someone other than their partner, setting switching, smug reader, Dom!reader kind of yapping at the end (tell me if i missed anything) wellcome for the POC readers ;))

Pairing(s): Imaushi Wakasa ; reader

Genre(s) : romance/smut

WC :> 3,379

Enjoy

Wakasa was a simple man. Money, power and pussy. He had it all, and it's safe to say he was satisfied.

Getting women to swoon over him wasn't a hard thing for him to do, unlike one of his best friends (Shinichiro 💀). It came naturally to him throughout his lifetime.

When he was younger, 17 or so , he was already surrounded by women because of his powerful status. Being the former leader of Kodo Rengo and one of the original members of the black dragon's, he was bound to get surrounded by admirer's. Good or bad. And that's how he met his girlfriend of five years.

Of course, before dating him, wakasa made sure you understood his lustful lifestyle. Filled with wine and women and his 'wonderful' vices.

Compared to before, wakasa was definitely more tame in his sex life, only turning to you once in a while when he truly can't keep himself together. But even he, can't help but steal a glance or two, or three....... Or more of wonderful backsides that some women carry. It's one if the many uncountable reasons that he was attracted to you.

Working as a bartender at a world class bar as a side job to wakasa was easy enough. But having tens if not hundreds of beautiful women crowding 'round the place all day, makes it harder for him to work, with them asking for his addy too.

Today wakasa was stressed. His client, at the gym, got into a car crash, and he only knew when his client landed in the hospital. And on top of that, Takeomi got into a fight, though winning, he got badly hurt. So wakasa took a day to distress at the same bar he worked in.

Walking into the bar, he was swarmed by the classy women, young and old, curvy and petite, tall and short. It would be heaven, if he didn't have a girlfriend. He didn't entertain them and just gave the same boring replys, not disrespectful but not enough to continue any conversation.

"Hello","hey","what's up?"

Were his go-to replies.

He walked to the heart of the club, where all the dancers and the bar was closest to. He sat down and ordered a drink.

"1 Night Tripper thank you" he cupped his face with his hand and leaned onto it, lazy eyes glancing around the club.

It was always this face and that face, not a single person he couldn't remember seeing. While he was deep in his mindless thoughts, a pair of brothers sat next to him.

"Hey wakasa! Whatcha doin here?" The infamous Roppongi duo was seated next to him.

"Hey. Had to get my mind off things." His monotonous voice could barely mask the stress.

They conversed for a while before a women in a wine red dress, hardly covering anything, came over and sat on wakasa's lap, her large bittocks pressung against him. Wakasa froze, relishing it the feeling of a nice ass on him. But, regaining his self control, he softly pushed the woman and grabbed the empty chair next to him, sitting her down and continued talking with the brothers.

"Hey [Name]! Isn't that your boyfriend and the Hentai brothers over there?"

You took a peak, and indeed, there were the men that your friend mentioned.

"Amina it's Haitani, not Hentai, that makes a completely new word hun, I'll work on the pronunciation with you later wh-"

"Hey who's that bitch with your boyfie!" Amina jabbed a slender finger in their direction.

You met Amina through a marketing course half a year ago, and despite not knowing her for long, you two were like two peas in a pod, her firey attitude and confident aura intriguing you, her steady, powerful voice when she talks, the unwavering steps she takes as she walks, her down to earth self, made you want to be around her (which was surprising considering your lack of want for people swarming around you), yet not once has befriending her make you regret it.

This time, it wasn't a peak that you made at the men. Your head snapped to them so hard if you weren't so furious it would give you whiplash. 'What in the rubber duckies was wakasa doing, letting that girl practically lay on him!'

"Girl I'll go deal with the lil ass, you go get yourself a fine man k? Infact i feel like you and Ran would hit it off!" Clapping your hands excitedly, but once remembering that you were angry right now, You were about to storm over a confront him, but you decided to have a little fun.

Giving Amina a slight shove towards the older brother cunningly, "Go talk to Ran, he's the one with the cocktail, don't distract Rindou tho, he's talking to wakasa"

Amina stumbled a bit, but was thankful that you encouraged her to talk to the man she's been eyeing all night.

"Thanks babes~ mwah 💋 " she wiggled her fingers in a wave and went over to Ran.

Waving in acknowledgement , you turned back to the scene in annoyance.

Seeing Rindou talk to him, gave you an idea, not the brightest one, but an idea nonetheless.

You've known the Haitani's for as long as you could remember. They saw you at a park when you were young and challenged you to a pull up contest on the monkey bars. They were strong, no doubt, but you being the competitive person you are, didn't stop even when your arms were dying. Eventually, you won, the challenge and their respect. And you know damn well they both love a little drama.

Strutting over on front of the purple haired male, you gave him a sultry greeting. Ignoring the look Wakasa was giving you.

"Hey Rin Rin~" stroking his cheek with your red tipped index finger, you placed a knee right beside his thigh, leaning into him, black-based and gold rimmed cocktail dress enhancing your figure. Sensing your intentions with his drama dececter, he played along.

"Hey bunny, haven't seen you in a while, what's got you in this place" Rindou took his hand and brushed it along your thick thighs, squeezing once he got to the juciest part.

"Just a little bored, wanted to hangout with my girl-" the soft and breathy tone contrasted the hard smirk that was plastered onto your smug face when you heard a screech come from the chair behind you, the chair Wakasa was sitting in.

Wakasa couldn't handle it anymore, how could you! Right in front of him too? He stormed to the dim exit of the club, fiotsteps so heavy, that if you stood near him you could feel the vibration in the floor.

Grinning at Rindou, you knew your plan had worked, you pat his shoulder before pinching his cheeks between your pointer and thumb.

"Thanks Rin, we'll catch up next time kay~?" Rindou nodded in reply, a Cheshire grin taking over his usual stoic expression.

"Tell me how it goes" he winked before gesturing you to leave.

"Go get 'im!" I gave a firm nod, and waved good bye to Rindou, Amina was keeping Ran busy so o didn't try to interrupt their time together.

I walked after the jealous man, a slight skip in my step, knowing i had him right where i wanted.

I saw wakasa walking towards the bus stop. Amusement was evidently plastered on ny face. Softly i walked after him, and hooked my arms around his waist. Hearing a soft gasp from him i chuckled to myself. I lifted him up bridal style and walked back to the Kawasaki Ninja H2R. Keys in mouth, and a crabbed Wakasa in my arms.

"What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way" I airily sighed. Wakasa only crossed his arms, hands clenching the sleeves of his shirt, jutting his rosy lower lip out, forming a cute pout, if not for the situation at hand.

I put the man down, and cliimbed onto my beloved bike, Wakasa gingerly following after. He loosely gripped onto the clothing resting on the side of my hips.

I started the bike, letting him do whatever he wants, 'hmph! Lil boy gon' regret this' i smirked cynically, thankful that i was the driver, rendering my boyfriend blind to my actions. I was crusing for around 5 or so minutes and put my plan into action. I leaned slightly forward, not enough for him to notice a difference, and 'SCREECH' a sudden speed up and swerve of the bike made wakasa clutch onto his lover for dear life.

"[NAME] WHAT THE FUCK!" his gruff hands gripping onto your stomach, squeezing so hard, it made you wince a bit. Legs clammed to the sides of the bike, and best of all, lean arms crushing my curvy waist. I let out a boisterous laugh, into the wind it flows and then its gone. From my side mirror i see wakasa give me a soft smile but quickly replace it with a grumpy frown.

As we arrived, wakasa hopped off the bike, while i was turning off the engine. Swaying his wide hips, and strode his way to the front door.

He opened the door and started to go straight to bed. Huffing and puffing as if explaining his displeasure to me. I tsked, swooping him up from Infront of him, making him cling onto me instinctively. I grinned wildly to myself, and locked the door with on hand. Taking him up to our bedroom, i roughly sat him on the bed.

"Care to tell me why the waist of a bitch was in your grasp?" I asked, angry of course, but i wanted him to explain.

"WHY'D YOU CARE" Wakasa raised his voice at me challengingly. I quirked an eyebrow up.

"Why would i care? Well maybe because you're my BOYFRIEND?" I was livid, what in the world was he thinking!

"You want attention? Strip." Wakasa looked confused at my words.

"Did i fucking stutter baby?" I cooed sarcastically. "Strip."

Wakasa shakily took off his fishnet shirt, revealing his body that was once scattered in love marks, now completely bare. Then he unbuckled his belt, and took it into his hands. Not going to lie, it was crazy sexy, belt in hand, red in the face, leather pants hugging all the right places, especially his thick ass. God how i wanted to grab it. He peeled off the tight pants too, leaving him in short, tight lace boxers.

"Did i tell you to leave anything on your body?" I gave his ass a quick smack, quickly placing my finger in his waistband, I pulled it back and let it go, hearing a lovely gasp from him. He huridily ripped off his black boxers, hands practically quivering, from excitement or fear, I don't care. In spite of me being vexed, i still adored him. So i took it as my job to calm him down.

"Calm down babydoll, I'm only going to teach you a lesson alright? You feeling good?" I combed through his silky smooth hair, tugging on it slightly. "Y-yeah, m' sorry" the zebra 🦓 haired man stuttered in his quivering voice.

"We'll talk about why you're sorry later okay baby?" I softly slapped his face. "You let another women get all over you cuh' you were deprived righ'? I 'pologize f'that babydoll, works been callin, but i managed ta'get the next few day off f'ya" i caressed the spot i slapped lovingly, "righ' now imma show ya'don ha'ta go to other women kay~ cuh' babydoll can com'ta me kay?" Wakasa nodded softly, to every beat i said, a thick coat of pink painted his face.

I took the stunning dress off myself, leaving me in red, silk underwear, I placed him on the bed, and stood between his legs. Taking his milky calves, I placed them on my shoulder. "I won't stop till the break of dawn makin love to you baby"

Wakasa's dick was stood, slightly curving to the left, crying white. His thighs were flexing, while his arms wrapped around his chest. Vibrant violet eyes crystallizing with his tears. I looked at him expectantly, and he unwrapped his arms on instinct. I pulled him closer to me, leaning down to kiss his tears away, and scratch the back of his soft neck. I moved vertically, moving my wet mouth to his nipples. I sucked on it softly, earning a well deserved moan. Just to get revenge, i bit on it, not enough to bleed, just enough to make it hurt. Wakasa jerked upwards, eyes blown wide, pupils doubling in size, a raspy howl escaping from his voice.

"Hush up babyboy" I mumbled against his chest, kissing the spot i bit. I tipped back, to capture him whole with my eyes. I let out a soft heave, "you, you look beautiful, the sole reason my eyes exist, are to admire you" while talking, i caress his glutes. "Thank you, i wonder why you even chose me."

At his words, my eyes widen. He looked so.... Down. I thought of everything, starting from the club, his words, his actions, to now. It all added up.

"I mean, you're ethereal, amazing hair, lovely eyes, proportional nose, plump lips, symmetry is proven with your face! The best body any woman could have! You could have anyone you want, hell, you could even have Johnny Depp in his prime! How did I end up with you?" Wakasa was sobbing, the more he thought about it, the more worthless and low he felt.

"Babydoll, I chose you, you're beautiful, in and out. Fashion sense is immaculate, unlike most men, lean not over the top muscle, and can fight, heavenly voice, if i lost my life yet you're talking to me on my deathbed, baby I'd say, heaven can wait. Don't even get me started on your personality!" I tugged him closer to me, caging him in my arms, reassuring him that im not letting him go anywhere.

"I'm not the jealous type, but what's mine, is mine, and stays mine. And I'm sure as hell ian' letting you go. End of story." I placed soft kisses on his temple, whispering sweet nothings to him, holding him tight. Slowly yet surely, he was calming down.

"You rock my world babydoll, and you're gonna keep rocking it till you can't no more" i fell into the cloudy mattress with him under me, clinging on as if he lets go, I'd decay into fine salt.

I softly pushed him down so i can get up. "Take it off~" Wakasa whined as he tugged at my bra. I smirked endearingly, "take what off babydoll?" Wakasa was getting frustrated, the water that had dripped onto the ground, almost returned back to his indigo eyes. I slightly panicked, "Don't cry baby! I'll take it off im sorry" although nervous, i still giggled. I unclasp the back of the chest binder, freeing my breasts. Wakasa earnestly gazed at them, and pounced.

Throwing my head back, i moaned. The sound making Wakasa jerk up, dick slapping my bare cunt, suckling on my tits as if i was gonna produce milk.

"Doll, t-th~ha that's eno~oHhh" i pushed his head back, despite his soft protests. Wakasa gripped onto the back of my thighs, hips bucking up frantically. Holding down his hips, i told him, "dolly, i needa' open m'self up f'ya, you're big~" i flicked the pink mushroom tip of his long cock, his veins pulsing, it was obvious he was desperate, but I wasn't going to break my ribs just cause he was craving, and i didn't prep myself.

Sitting vertically opposite to him, i took two fingers and spread myself open, showing him my glistening pussy. Scooping up some of the honey that's dripping, and took it near my face. Opening my fingers, i watch as the string of necter attach from on finger to the other, i brought it into my mouth, maintaining eye contact with Wakasa, i sucked on the juices sensually. Bringing my saliva-coated fingers down to my hole. Massaging the gummy walls, going faster and faster. "Oh~hHh Waka~aHhh" "[N-Name]~ p-please~ i wannah' cum~"

The once tears of saddness quickly trned to tears of despration. Watching you, neck cranned back, hands working away on your pussy, juices dripping like a creak, hips jerking, made him want to bury himself whole in yout warm cushiony and inviting pussy. Wakasa stroked his lengthy cock, bucking his hips into his large hands, wishing it was your warm cunt instead. He was so close yet so far.

Promptly, you ceased your movements, causing the sweaty, glossed man follow in dubiety.

"c'mere baby" You pat the pillowed spot between your legs, loving the way that the love of your life follows order so well, in bed at least. Hair drooping, saliva dripping and the sounds of Wakasa's whining filled your senses. Encouraging him to relax, you croon "that's it baby, slowy does it".

Once Wakasa kneeled between your bare legs, you laid a pillow down for him to rest his head on.

"you good there doll?" reciving a nod of affirmation, you continued your ministrations.

Spreeding your prepped cunt for him to see turned the pussy craving man get hungrier, his normally droopy eyes blown wide, lips swollen from him biting it. He tried to sneakily buck his strong hips up, but you stopped him right before his tip touched your folds.

"a-ah-ah~ patience doll" Not giving him a mere second for him to process your words, you slammed yourself down on his grith.

Shamelessly rolling your hips up and down on his grithy length, pussy smashing his pelvic bone. A course of "y-YEAHHH~"'s and "NgnG"s forced themselves out of your mouth, the pure lust and passion oozing in the air can even make Asmodeus say hell nah.

Riding dick wasn't easy, but for the ethereal beauty under her, [Name] would do anything. For his pleasure she could slave away anytime. Cause at the end of the day, to [Name], a happy lover, a happy life. Getting to hear his sounds of love and appreciation, was enough of a reward for her, in fact, she couldn't ask for more.

"Pretty bitch, perfect doll, jeal-haah-jealousy is one h-nhg-ell of ah~ one hell of a disease h-huh." Panting as it felt as if his cock was prodding at my lungs.I noticed a little bulge in my tummy, as I pressed on it, it gained his attention. Moaning,he started to buck his hips up even harder. This time i couldn't stop him, as i was getting tired and restless. I ket him do what he want.

I flipped us over, making me place myself under his strong arms. I grabbed a handful of his ass and wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him in even closer, burying his stem inside my soft, gummy walls.

He pounded his dick into me, not wasting a fraction of a second, gritting his teeth and gripping the sheets. The steel bedframe clashed and clanked with the brick wall, probably irritating the single 26 old neighbour with a dead girlfriend. the neighbour with blue eyes and black hair.

"Please! Please-Please, Please" The whines and wails of Wakasa almost drove you off the edge if the earth, barley stopping before reaching the ledge.

"Cum!" I gripped his tousled hair and pulled, making his head snap back and his back arch, leading his chest to crash into mine, and causing him to bully his dick even further into my cunt.

"YESS/FUCKK" both individuals moaned simultaneously, the sound coming out as bell chimes and harp strings up in heaven. Pure ecstasy flowed to every inch of their bodies, the passion staying throughout the night yet the lust slowly vanishing.

The night ended with one lovers feelings solved, and both cradled in the others warm, homey, inviting embrace. The glow of the sun of dawn shinning through the silk curtains, and the soft, dank night disappearing into the horizon lulled both the lovers to sleep.

..................

"GIRL YOU PROMISED TO TELL ME THE DETAILS. RAN AND AMINA HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT ALL NIGHT AND NOW I NEED A DISTRACTION! DON'T IGNORE ME JSBSHDGSKBCSKSMNDDJLSN"

@awoogaboogahehehehehehe

Likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated<3

[dent-de-leon]

OKAY BUT! THAT SCENE WHERE GUSTAV GIVES MOLLY THE NAME MOLLYMAUK!! The way he tells him that it's ultimately his choice, and that he can change his name whenever he likes if it doesn't fit. Molly being very touched by the sentiment, but accepting it with the acknowledgement that, "I think...I could wear that name for a while."

It's new and exciting, a name all his own, and a gift from Gustav. Of course he adores it. But he also implies that he might well change it someday. Like how tieflings choose their own virtue names. And honestly, when King decides to go by Kingsley, it does remind me of Jester's own experience:

Jester: “Well, I thought [Jester] sounded cool. I thought jesters were people that made people laugh...[my mother] did [name me], but she told me I get to choose my own name.”

Caduceus: “I don’t think tieflings--do tieflings get--there’s a thing, for--”

Caleb: “What did your mother call you, before Jester?”

Jester: “Genevieve...I like Jester, okay? Jester. Jeez.” 

Artagan: “It’s a much better name.” 

Beau: “Can I call you Genny?”

Jester: “No, you can call me Jester.” 

The implication that Mollymauk makes him happy and suits him just fine now in the moment, but he's also making it clear that he intends to find a new name somewhere along the way, after he's had some time to grow and change. It feels very reminiscent of Moonweaver Oracle Decks--constantly rotating out different cards, adding new ones and discarding the old over time--remaining fluid and ever changing in the moment, open to self-exploration and continuous reinvention.

"Each deck of Moon Oracle cards are different, as each deck evolves with the owner. When a card is weathered or simply no longer speaks to you, replace it with a new card of your own design. Something personal and true. Trust yourself; what is true for you will ring true for others. Some choose to change a card each Lunar cycle. Some decks magically destroy a card when it is replaced with a new one--such decadence!"

Whenever he looks for a new start in life, as both Molly and Kingsley, he's still embodying the same core values of the Moonweaver. Like how he intrinsically still knows the names of his treasured oracle cards even a lifetime later, "Love, Magician--" For everything that changes, there's still so much about him that stays the same.

I mean, when Jester wakes King up, not only was he having "the nicest dream" about the circus, he also kept asking for Lestera. Which in hindsight is just heartbreaking, but--King definitely experiences the same pull to all his loved ones he knew as Molly. His feelings for them are still the same. "I get...feelings from you. All of you..."

Even Molly's "choir practice" reminds me of King. Mollymauk being so protective and compassionate at his core, admitting softly, "I know what the others think, but the truth is...how do I put this...the world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it."

It's Molly swearing under Zone of Truth, “I’ll tell you--and this is true--I did my best every town I went to and every town I left, no matter how they treated me. And a lot of them treated me with deep disrespect...I left every town better than I found it.” It's King confessing to Beau and Yasha:

"Well, I've been thinking about it, and I've been trying to figure out where the other two went wrong...what was something that either of you didn't like or was a problem with Molly? I know more about Lucien at this point...But I'm trying to make new mistakes, I promise."

"I've realized, at the beginning, that I was running from everything that had happened before, and that's something that the other two had done and so it was probably something I didn't want to do again, which is why I'm asking..."

"It'd be better to...If you think of them as parents--I've been told that the best thing you can do is do just slightly better than them. And that's...Honest to the gods, that is actually what I'm trying to do. I don't necessarily know what it's going to look like. I have thoughts. Some that I think that either one of them might approve of, that you might approve of, and I want to make sure that you know that if nothing but out of respect for my family, for my parents, we always have a fair deal."

"I try and be a good person, or whatever I think that is. I take care of the crew, I work hard. As you're working with somebody, for someone, you take care of them. But you know, sometimes that means you have to get a little violent, make some unfortunate decisions. But I think you know that." 

Just...King still having the same heart he did as Molly, still wanting to be good and take care of his people--telling his family, "I try and be a good person, or whatever I think that is." Just like when Caleb asked Molly in the Zone of Truth, "Are you a good guy?" And he says sincerely, "I like to think so."

I also can't stop thinking of Molly saying to Yasha, "If you're going to run away, why not do it in style?" Because Molly is running away too--likes the circus in part because it was always safer to stay on the move. "A lot of this is in the hopes that maybe this would never happen. Keep moving, keep quiet." Sounds an awful lot like when Matt revealed King still suffers nightmares from Cognouza, and Taliesin suggests, "Perhaps those chains will find some quiet in piracy."

Ships are always moving, a chance to make a quick exit whenever he needs to--an escape. Molly desperate to keep all the haunting echoes of Lucien at bay. And then as King, feeling a bit uncomfortable and distant as he tries to reconcile himself with a past. Hesitantly asking questions about his life as Molly. Holding onto a journal of all the Nein's adventures to finally read when he's ready--not now, but. When he's finally able to face the past and make peace with that.

And, like with the circus, he's found the exact kind of escape he craves. Throwing himself into a life of piracy because it's just as adventurous and romantic as all the brilliant color and exciting thrills of the circus, another chance to put on a grand performance.

Taliesin: "Kingsley really latched onto the pirate life, and that's what happened with any of the other Molly's and Nonagon's--they imprint really hard on whatever's there that looks romantic and fun! It's romance, fun, and I have an audience."

And really, is parading around as the Plank King so different from playing at royalty? Because the more I read of the comic, the more convinced I was that Molly's portrayal of the kind, just Duke beloved by his people is the exact same role he plays as Plank King.

There's just so many little moments to me that imply Kingsley is still the same soul shard as Molly. (And if we go by the novel's ending, then it's not just Molly, but Mollymauk's soul and Lucien's, embracing a new life hand in hand.) Mollymauk deciding to start over with a new start and the chance to make new memories, ready to choose a new name to "wear" for a time.

Finally, I can't get over Molly's parting words to the town he charmed. "I promise that once I sever my ties to the empire, I will return in gratitude. And I'll return myself. No heralds for such hospitality." I just can't help thinking of...King telling the Nein, “Not now, but in the future, I'd like to hear about your friend. Later, once I--once I know me better." Yasha telling him, "I would love that...it's nice to have you back," and King's warm, "It's nice to be back."

Yasha: "You know what I mean."

Kingsley: "I do--"

Because he does know. Because part of him knows he'll always be their Circus Man, even if he's not ready to reckon with what that means. "Thank you, I--I'm looking forward to the future, and I hope I deserve to have woken up surrounded by such people...Thank you all, really, for my life. But I figure I better get to using it..." "After a few years, finally reads that book, and goes to visit and learn."

Thinking of one day when King feels comfortable enough to drop his mantle of the Plank King and appear before the Nein as just Tealeaf. Just himself--

[femmefatalevibe]

Do you have tips on how to be emotionally mature?

Remember that everyone is ultimately out for themselves. They don't think about you and your choices as much as you think they do. Make taking care of yourself and advocating for yourself your #1 priority. While you should be respectful and show empathy for others' circumstances, your life is meant to be lived for you.

Don't take people's comments or actions personally. Almost none of their responses are a reflection of you or your character. Most people's actions are a reflection of how they see themselves. When people reveal their true colors, believe them. Proceed with this information in mind – whether it's a friendship, professional opportunity, romantic endeavor, familial tie, etc.

Set boundaries and non-negotiables for yourself. Don't overextend yourself to seek approval or validation as a means of dictating your self-worth or value to others. Learn to trust your gut instincts, and remain mindful of your energetic limitations. "No" is a complete sentence. It is not selfish to stick to your non-negotiable habits (bedtime, workout schedule, etc.) – these practices are a sign of self-respect and self-love. Speak your mind (with tact) and stand your ground. You owe it to yourself to live the life that you want.

Know that the only constant in life is change. People and opportunities will come and go with age. Enjoy the moments and experiences you get to enjoy with others or alone. Relationships are meant to last for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Not every impactful connection is meant to last a lifetime, but you shouldn't invalidate the lasting impact of certain temporary connections – they most definitely can change your life.

Remain selective about those you allow into your life and the company you keep. Embrace the quality over quantity approach when it comes to choosing the individuals who deserve to be in your inner circle. Don't disclose information you wouldn't want in writing to those who have yet to earn your trust. Cut ties unapologetically with people who choose to tear you down or disrespect you. You win in life when everyone you're close to is supportive and committed to cheering each other on in all of their life goals/milestones.

Learn to accept and explore discomfort. Growth requires change, and a side effect of change is discomfort. Accept that the circumstances are presenting you with an opportunity in life to level up. Breathe and take things one step at a time. Sometimes, you don't need to know the big-picture meaning of the conversation or task in front of you. Focus on what's in front of you – using good judgment and critical thinking skills – and figure the rest out later.

Set your future self up to win. Eat a healthy diet, move your body, save and invest, read books, build your professional and social networks, and upskill professionally and interpersonally, go to the doctors annually (all the major ones – primary care, dentist, gyno, dermatologist) or whenever an issue presents itself to nip it in the bud early.

Remain curious. Don't act on baseless assumptions. Ask someone about the intention or emotions behind their actions before creating a conflict or making accusations. Accept wishful thinking for what it is – especially when it comes to romance and professional endeavors. A job offer doesn't exist until it's signed and sealed in writing. Relationships come with exclusivity, clear and regular communication, and no issues with public knowledge or a title.

Reframe mistakes and failures as life lessons. These opportunities inspire self-reflection, performance evaluation, and introspection. Use these experiences to help you map out your next moves and strategize your actions toward success.

Creating life milestone timelines is useless. We all have our own history, circumstances, goals, and personalities. Individuals born in each given year are not a hivemind. Don't compare your journey to others. We are all on our own paths with different significant milestones at different points in our lives.

Embrace your desires. Indulge your adult self and inner child. Explore the pleasure of getting to know yourself – your likes, dislikes, values, preferences, and turn-ons/turnoffs in every area of life. Allow yourself the time, space, energy, and resources you need to satisfy your authentic self. Don't compromise your identity for the approval or praise of others. Learn what you want and be unapologetic for satisfying your own needs. Discover, experiment, play, test, learn, and re-evaluate as needed. Gamifying your life helps free you of societal expectations of what it means to be a certain age, gender, or personality based on your nationality, profession, sexuality, socioeconomic status, etc.

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

you ain't woman enough

☆ EDDIE MUNSON'S MASTERLIST ☆

❣ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❣

Summary : some crazy diehard fan claims to steal your man, of course- you won't let that happen

Word Count : not too long, I hope

Warnings : 18+ Rockstar!Eddie Munson x FEM!reader, language, reader and Eddie are both (25) also they're MARRIED to each other, no use of y/n, Gareth is (18), Jeff is (20) mentions of a fan having self-harm history, the lunatic fan (I named her Delancy, she's 18) can be very invasive, disrespectful, delusional and too obsessed with Eddie, alcohol consumption, mentions of pregnancy at the end, I think that's just it tho

What to Expect : angst and fluff teehee

Note To Reader : guys, you're not going to believe this because my fever just bounced back again making me suffer once more 💀 (but I'm good right now don't worry)

Author Note : LOVE LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH- OF COURSE YOU KNOW I'VE HAD TO MAKE A FIC WITH IT ;)) (idk if I feel satisfied about this fic but here it goes)

You and Eddie have been together for ages

A bit dramatic, isn't it?

But no, seriously, it's like you spend a lifetime every minute, hour and seconds being with him

Since high school, Eddie thought it's cruel joke when you talked to him for the first time

He had a bit of time to grow on you back then, but when you finally get to know him when he unsheds his layers of showing the tough act to people at school

He is actually very sweet

That's where it all took off

You're always been there

The Hellfire Club campaigns, The Hideout sessions, the best part is that you we're also there when he got his long-awaited diploma

Wayne loves you, gosh, Eddie can still vividly remember the teasing moments that make him so freaking embarrassed when it revealed that Eddie has a crush on you

It's the most silliest confession that you both shared to each other, giggling at the same time

It's also wholesome in a way that you feel like yourself when you're with him than you're own

That's says something

You watch him grew to become one of the highest paid rock bands all of time, Corroded Coffin

Back in graduation in college, he said that he'll marry you and you'll be on his side while he's touring around the world

The words you told him never left his mind

"Always keep your dreams alive, Ed's"

You both love metal music, films, obviously certified nerds, always excited when you're both talking about your favorites

I mean- what's not to love?

"You're ready? sweetheart?"

"Yeah"

You gave him 360° turn to your full ensemble for the tonight's show

Oh, he was stunned at it, he takes a minute to process

"Well?"

"You look fantastic- I mean- hot, super super hot"

You snort "Okay, let's go rockstar"

You've prepared yourself for this since the beginning, the moment that Eddie got himself big time at a record label

You know what you're in for

You're ready to face it all, the tabloids, loads of paparazzi everywhere, awestruck fans that recognize the both of you walking in the streets of L.A

You also know once you entered this business, there's no longer privacy that you knew before

The fandom that Eddie has is like a freaking movement almost like an activist, every false lies, rumors, gossips, they defend him with his bandmates

You adore them, really, grateful for it

The head of the official fanbase of Corroded Coffin is really nice and respects everyone of you, even treat you like normal human beings

They organized parties when it's time for an occasion like Corroded Coffin won a Grammy, New Year's, when someone in the band has a birthday, it's really great

Sometimes, you wish every fan is just like that, or sometimes even not a fan, you wished they'll treat you kindly

While eating lunch with Eddie at a local diner downtown

"You know, there's a young girl keeps looking at our spot for like 30 mins now" Eddie is wearing Ray-Ban black sunglasses as he quietly speaks as he takes a sip of his coffee

You had a mouth full of philly cheesesteak as you turned around to find what your husband is referring to

There, you spot her, when you catch her eyes, she simply look away shyly

You hum as you shrug "It looks like she wants to say something"

"Oh, boy, here she comes"

Before you can react to what he just said, she's now standing to where you both seated but she gave a distance for personal space that leaves an impression to the both of you

Eddie caught a glimpse of the young girl's wrist with marks of healed pocks, you saw it too, he watches her intently but when he saw how genuine her eyes are, he knows this isn't some weird fanatic

You cleared your throat as you smile at the young girl

"Uh- hi, I'm so very sorry, if I made you both uncomfortable but I- I just want to express my gratitude, your songs really helped me a lot and ever since I stopped doing it for 5 years already and I feel a whole lot better and uh- your love story has always been my favorite- it's very inspiring and I've always been looking up to the both of you and uh- yeah thanks for everything" she leaves at that

the young girl went on and on with her slightly ducked down too shy to even look at the both of your eyes

"That's really sweet" you say with twinkling eyes as you kept your eyes on the young girl

"Wow, see- this is why I'm doing this! I will keep on making music when something like that happens! I can help people!" He beams exhilaratingly with a smile

"Eddie, haven't you realized you've been doing this since highschool?" You hold his hand across the table

"Yes, I know and I will do what I do best" he winks and you by that look

You know he's gonna make this interaction memorable

"Hey, kid"

The young girl almost can't believe the Eddie Munson called her out

"We appreciate you so much" he says as he picked the whole new latest album from his bag

Young girl is appalled, felt weak on the knees almost, you giggled at her reaction

To make everything go insane, he even signed the album cover

You hand it out to her "We're so proud of you"

She takes it with shaky hands as she laughs "I-I'm sorry, I'm freaking out inside, thank you so very much"

"You'll be the first person to hear it"

"I'll listen to it once I get home, I will never forget this day in my life!"

You and Eddie both chuckled "Treasure it, sweetie! You deserve it!"

"I love you both so much, you have absolutely no idea! um- I'll be attending your show this coming Saturday" you shyly added with a grin

You squealed as you look at Eddie with excitement, he took his glasses off

"That's very metal, dear" he makes a rock n roll sign as the kid does the same time, both shared laughs

You watched the kid happily as she runs over to her parents with the album in hand as they become starstrucked when they saw both of you, waving at their daughter

You sigh in content "Isn't that just awesome?!?" You slam your hands on the table feeling giddy

Eddie throws his head back in laughter as his mind replays the endearing interaction earlier

"My manager is going to kill me after this"

"Oh, yeah right- you weren't supposed to reveal your latest album yet"

"I doubt it she'll not spread it to everyone"

"I'll drink to that"

Turns out, both of your guts we're right, the young girl didn't leaked the whole ass album for the whole world to hear

The tour was going fantastic, the crowd roars, screams, cheers everyone is going nuts once the band came out the stage

The after-party is your favorite part when the set is done, it's just you, Eddie, Jeff and Gareth hanging out

It's like old times, the difference is that all of you are a part of public figures now

But, no, never once or anyone of you let that get into your head, you don't want to believe or let yourself be aware of that "I'm a celebrity and you're nothing" type of shit, all of you remained humble since day one

No wonder why people adored you so much

Jeff finished his degree last year, now he's got himself a babe beside him, Gareth only have 2 years left at his college

He is so sick of it already, but he won't stop until he finally graduated

"Now, I get it why- Eddie feels so fucking drained after college" Gareth groans as he sats down next to you

"But my tutoring while on the tour bus helped, right?" You gave him an sympathetic smile

He smiles tiredly "Yeah, I'm just so exhausted but I'm almost there"

"That's the spirit!"

"Man, I don't know how you do it, are you getting enough sleep?" Jeff chimes in as he drinks his beer as he awaits for his friend to answer

"I don't even remember when's the last time I got a good night's sleep"

"Your time has run out" a voice rudely interrupted your conversation

You, Jeff, Gareth turn around at the girl who is standing closer to you

Jeff and Gareth shared confusion looks to each other

"Excuse me?" You say as look at her directly

"I said he's done with you"

"Who?"

"Eddie"

Jeff makes a face and Gareth is unamused, offended by it

You tried your best to be polite as you wave your hand in front of her dismissively, maybe it's just some girl who mistakenly thought you're someone that she knew

"He doesn't love you anymore"

Who is this person? You think to yourself

You laugh incredulously as you lean forward, Jeff and Gareth looked at you and thinks why you're aren't doing anything to be mean just for once

They're watching the nicest argument ever

"You have to let him go" she says as she crossed both of her arms

"Why would I do that?"

"So, I can take him"

You, Jeff and Gareth looked at each other with knowing looks as you tried to keep your composure stable

The bartender is clearly knows what the fuck is going on and couldn't help but to bite back a laughter as well

"Ooh- okay, hot shot- gimme a sec" you say with a mockery on your voice as you bit your lip to stop bursting to any second

You kick Jeff and elbowed Gareth to stop them from snickering

"Hey, Francis" you paid for the tabs, you treat the guys for the drink tonight

"You didn't have to-"

"I insist, you always gave me fine drinks and you never let me pay? Come on- take it"

The older man smiles and sighs and muttered a small thank you

All of you go down to your rotating circle chairs, but before you left her, you twirl around with a teasing smile

She became annoyed at you, you didn't even know what the hell she's annoyed at you for

"Sorry to burst your bubble, you can't do that"

"What makes you think that I can't?" She snaps and it makes you amused

Jeff and Gareth make a teasing "Oooh's" as you flipped the guys off behind your back

"Because-" you looked at her from top to bottom

She really wasted her beauty for pulling a stunt like this?

"You aren't there yet"

You know, she ain't gonna understand that phrase because she's young, you didn't even bother to explain what it means so you turn heel and left her at it

You wiggle your fingers at her as you wave goodbye and she watches the three you finally booming the streets with the loud cackles

At the backstage, 10 mins left before the show starts

"Eddie! Stand still!" You say as you fix his outfit

"I've been performing for years and I still get nervous" he says with a unsure smile

"That's totally normal, Eddie, once you get out of there and feel all of the people energy and literally once you start singing? You'd be great like you always do" you say as you finish doing touch ups to his look

He didn't replied, he instead hugged you

"Oh" you got startled at his sudden action but you melt with it

"Thank you, sweetheart"

"Anytime, Ed's"

A frequent knock is going on the door, almost breaking it, he swung it open- he got cutt off by someone

"Alright, alright! I'll be there-"

"Where have you been?!? I've looked for you everywhere!"

"What-"

"Didn't you missed me?!?"

You lean onto your side of the doorframe with arms crossed as Eddie looked at you for help almost like he's saying "Do you have any idea who is this person?!?"

The young lady who you encountered last night meet your eyes, you swore you saw the fire ignited once you came into the frame

"What is she doing here?!?"

Eddie is so perplexed as he continues to look at the random girl and you just smirk to yourself

She reached for Eddie's hand as he became so stunned at her action and you raised both of your eyebrows at her boldness

The audacity of this person is wild

"Honey? Care to explain, please?" Eddie is obviously trying to let go of the grip that she's holding onto him

"Oh, I just met her last night and how rude of me not knowing your name- if you even had one" you sarcastically speak up, it's very comedic to watch her face crumpled up to your smugness

"It's Delancy"

"Yeah, right- Delancy!" You act like it was the most interesting information ever

Eddie is watching you with a wolfish grin, he finally understood it

"I'm here to support my boyfriend" she lOviNgLy looks up at Eddie, the situation doesn't even get worse from there as he looks at you through his bangs as he purses his lips together

"Sweetie, before you can get to him, I'll have to move over and I'm gonna stand right here"

"You can't!"

"It will be over my dead body"

Eddie finally got away from the hold as he looks at her with fake sympathetic smile with a pout as he throws both of his hands in defense

You glanced at the corner and saw the security guards probably looking for her

You lean closer as you say "So, get out while you can" you nudge your chin towards the guards and she panic as she runs away

"Oh my fucking god" Jeff jogs as he tries to catch up his breath

"Give me a minute" Gareth holds up a finger as he pants

"So, she's the girl that you little shitheads talking about, huh?"

Both of the young men nod as they chuckled slightly

"Can't believe she got herself inside" you scoff as you shake your head

"Hmm, maybe there's a way to end this ridiculousness" Eddie smirks as all of you looked at him in confusion

The show is exhilaratingly amazing, Eddie called out for you, is this his plan?

You shyly get up on the stage as the crowd cheers for your name

Once you walked closer to Eddie he pulled you in for a kiss

You're surprised but managed to recover as you wrap your arms around him as you kiss him back

Jeff whistles as Gareth clapped aggressively

The whole crowd screamed harder as Eddie pulled you closer more to him as if that were possible, you became flustered as you break the kiss from running out of breath but Eddie?!? Kept stealing kisses as you giggled

"My beautiful wife everybody!" Eddie announces in the microphone not caring if your lipstick is all over his face

"Thank you guys for the insane night! We love you! We appreciate all of your support! Take care and we'll see you soon! Keep on rockin'!" Eddie left with that as Jeff and Gareth came onto your side as they join you for a bow before all of you waved goodbye and exit the stage

The interview is happening in the morning after the last night's show

"Have you heard about the rumor? There's basically a young girl claiming your husband, Eddie, to be as her boyfriend? What is your comment about this?"

Gareth chimes in with a smirk on his face as he leans over to steal a moment in the camera "No comment" he says as Eddie, Jeff snickered as you chuckled as well

"Yeah, I did, I even interacted with her- she seems....interesting"

"Interesting for a therapy" Jeff adds as the three man crack up to his joke

"She even said that Eddie looked at her at the concert last evening" the interviewer spoke up as you can watch Eddie genuinely reacted to this

"Oh my god" Eddie rubs his face as he hides his face buried on his palms as he tries not to laugh

"Well, a man looks at things sometimes that he doesn't need, I think she's referring to what happened at the backstage-"

"I took a second look-" Eddie narrows his eyes at you

"But he's in love with me" you point to yourself ignoring your cheeks blush

"Exactly" Eddie grins as you held his hand

"She even said that the kiss that happened was a fake"

"I don't know where that leaves her" you shrug at the interviewer

"You know where you stand"

You chortled at the interviewer's remark, knowing that this will even more pissed her off

"Precisely, I know where I stand" you agree as you nod

"And there you have it, folks, The Corroded Coffin, it's such a delight to finally to get to talk to you all and the man of the hour, Eddie Munson with his wife, Jeff and Gareth the icons behind the band, Thank you for tuning in!" The interviewer wraps it all up

"Please, do invite your fans to come on over to your tours"

"it's our pleasure, to share our music around the world and all we wanna do is just inspire people" Eddie smiles at the camera while he always pulled you into his side, you love that he never fails to show you off

As the airing ends, Eddie whispers to your ear

"Let's make her even more furious" Eddie bites his lips as he could think for a conniving idea

You snorted at him with a playful smile

"Telling to everyone that you're having a baby" he winks

"Eddie!" You push him playfully on the chest but he laughs as he carries you and spins around at the studio

But he ain't wrong with that, you'll even consider it later ;))

[misslovasstuff]

Forgetting is a form of freedom.

Pudding erasing the kiss memory from the mind of the man she loves, grants him freedom. It hurts because as a girl, I’d probably prefer to hear some lovely words after, perhaps a hug or even a smile? Pudding probably would too, she would love to have herself wrapped in his arms and feeling reassured and loved. She would love having her feelings reciprocated, perhaps getting out of whole cake island and leave her toxic mother to start a new life with Sanji. Goodness, she probably dreams about that day and right there, in that moment, that dream was right in front of her. There is Sanji, the gentleman like no other she has met before. A kind, genuine and strong man that crumbled all her defenses and high walls built brick by brick over time, completely destroyed them with a glimpse of genuine expression of love and admiration. It takes her aback of course because hello?? How dare you Sanji, the man she was going to kill, forgive everything and not once consider throwing the disrespect back at her? How do you, Sanji, see up close what she hides even from herself, you see that monstrous eye and call it beautiful? And how dare you, Sanji, to appear in her life and leave it so fast, and when you leave, a part of hers leaves with you…

Oh my goodness guys please tell me you understand how important this is. Imagine you fall in love and have the chance of a lifetime to leave your toxic household BUT… damn the fact that you love that man too much …you love him too much to restrain him anyway, take away the freedom he already has, the freedom you dream of. You love him too much to take advantage, and also there is no will in you to ask for such a thing when you just pointed a gun at him.

What would happen if Sanji knew about Pudding’s true feelings then? Well, many people say many things: Some agreeing that Sanji would refuse to leave without her, some saying he would get back to get her and so on and so forth… but what I wanna emphasise is the absolute, fantastic, wonderful and so powerful act of love that Pudding did to keep her love to herself and save the man that she loves from the responsibility and all the emotions and confusion that would come after that kiss, especially when there was so little time to explain and talk about it (horrible timing really) and when in reality, nothing bounds Sanji to that place anymore and perhaps because of Pudding’s self esteem issues, a part of her was a bit afraid of rejection? Or perhaps more than rejection it is of hoping that Sanji would sacrifice to be with her, and that thought terrifies Pudding for many reasons. First she probably thinks she’s not worth that and second, she sees how important the crew and the freedom that comes with it is. That is only more important when we know that Pudding already has inspirations since her sister Lola also set out to sea to find her true love…

AND PUDDING SAID SHE HOPED SHE COULD DO THE SAME THING AND SHE COULD BUT SHE DIDINT CAUSE SHE LOVES SANJI SO SELFLESSY AND ITS SO PURE

sorry this is random rambling but Pudding’s feelings about Sanji really hit home I guess for a lot of us and it’s just so beautifully portrayed I really struggle to find the words. In addition, Pudding and Sanji both being the type to love so selflessy and knowing each other best even with such little time is just mwah

[cosmichighpriestess]

Friendly reminder, you don't have to go to any holiday gatherings with your family.

Embodying high frequency doesn't mean you have to automatically segregate yourself from your family either, but it does mean that they may never understand you and they may never accept you fully and may not wake up in this lifetime. It's important to remember that was their choice from a higher level and while they may never accept you, you can accept them and forgive them for yourself in an act of self love for yourself. In the grand scheme of things, what really matters?

Why can't everyday be about loving your family and celebrating life? Is it worth your sanity, making a huge dent in your finances, and high exhaustion and stress levels just to see them treat you the same way they always do? If you do decide to participate this year, If you feel any type of anger or resentment towards your family remember to neutralize the effects of anger and to take a step back, breathe and be nonreactive to it. Instead of engaging in the flaming energy, you become an impartial observer. Nobody makes you angry without your consent. Your peace is your number one priority. You don't need permission from anyone to do what's best for you.

Understand that it was not their words that caused your anger, but your reaction to them. Remember, If they can't love themselves, they can't love you period. So examine your relationships, ask yourself what is the true meaning behind these holidays, and is it worth breaking your back for the same people who will never truly accept you or love you? Don't let anyone get comfortable disrespecting you. Instead adopt a peaceful, loving attitude for yourself and put an end to any petty squabbles, and it's their choice what they do with your loving attitude, they can either continue to judge you and hate you for what you are or they can put everything aside and choose peace for themselves.

Don't be loyal to abusive people, be loyal to feeling love and peace for yourself, and honoring yourself. If seeing you hurt by their actions and words does not affect them and does not hurt them,

(check my Ig pinned post for the rest of this message)

[alexispink31]

My entire life I’ve battled depression, a few years back I got really bad, I had no idea how much pain I had been in before my life was ruined cause of my own choice of how I was living. I was so angry with life, I was hurting, I was afraid, I felt so much pain in my heart that I couldn’t bare my own thoughts anymore my mind was so full of thoughts that I couldn’t even think straight. I had no clue who I even was anymore. It made me feel weak, I was in panic mode all the time, I felt extremely lonely, my life had been falling apart, I had reacted in such a way that I had no idea what to expect from myself. I became numb while I sat with tears in my eyes, I felt my stomach ache from the stress of being in the most difficult place of life while I was hurting. I was beyond exhausted and tired. I didn’t want to feel the pain, much longer I was struggling with it all.

I had no energy for the smallest of tasks, I was so stressed out, exhausted, I couldn’t even get myself out of my bed I had to take a break from feeling so much of the stress that was causing my anxiety to be so intense and it took me a long time to get through the healing phase of being able to breathe again.. I was so anxious to get out of my head that I was just trying to take one day at a time. I couldn’t breathe at times, I was struggling with my asthma so bad.

I had to get out of the house and get my stuff done and that was a huge struggle for me I was so lost I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing anymore. I was in a very miserable place, but despite all of that I kept going. But the things that were happening in my life were not easy to cope with, they were a result of my own lack of self awareness. The things being done to me by this narcissist person that made it a hell of a nightmare to be in such a horrible mindset.

He was terrible and cruel to me every day. He was so toxic towards me I had prayed to God every day, somedays I was on my hands and knees begging for help to get me through this difficult time in my life. My ex was beyond ugly to me, his personality was so toxic, he treated me however he pleased, I was an object to him nothing more nothing less. He had no idea how much he was hurting me so I had to go through the process of heart break. I was very angry at him for being so selfish, he didn’t understand how I was devastated about him being so naive about everything he was putting me through. I chased him around for what seemed like a lifetime, i was proving myself to him, that I was worth fighting for, i begged for his attention, to be heard, to make him see that I was worth not getting cheated on, that I deserved someone to stay faithful to me and I was willing to do whatever it took to make us work.

I have struggled to voice my own thoughts, opinions and feelings for the past 30 years most of my life, I was too scared to speak out and ask for help from people, instead I trusted my own judgment to do it all on my own.

Playing the role of a mother, I was also working to support my children. I was battling postpartum depression shortly after giving birth to my son. I hadn’t had time to grieve over the fact I was in such pain that it was hard to keep up with all of the things I had been dealing with for so long..

I was being abused by my ex every single day for years, I was called horrible names, I was chocked, I was getting kicked around that was a huge embarrassment to me. I would cry because of the way I was being mistreated by him. He was a very unstable person, he has no sort of good character or any other form of self respect that he has to offer to anyone. He was unkind to me, the people who I was the closest to, he was very disrespectful and harsh towards my children, family, and friends.

It was a lot of things that he had done to me that made him very very angry at me, he would say all the time that he knew I deserved better than him, because of what he was doing to me, he was without a doubt the most narcissistic person I ever met. I stand by that.. he is not worth my time, blood, or tears. I was exhausted of the life I was living.

I had so much anger.. I had no idea how to deal with the situation that was so much more than I could possibly handle. I was coping to the reality of it all, the fact it was a lot more than I was able to handle. The night terrors, the way that it was suppose to be different, the things that were being said to me only to find out that they were all just lies that were being told to me by him..

I had been questioning my own life because how could someone claim to love and care for me while also hurting me?! I built a life with this person, I was fortunate enough to be blessed with two babies with him. It all went downhill afterwards, I was so devastated, I couldn’t even imagine the thought of how I would survive without him the thought itself was too much to even comprehend it all. I couldn’t imagine what our life’s would be without each other. the thought of loving you so deeply, I was willing to do anything to make it work out. I knew that I was willing to go through hell with you but how fair is that to anyone?!

I was so overwhelmed by the pain that it was difficult knowing what to do, how to fix it all!!!!!! I couldn’t do anything about it because of the fact I was fighting for the impossible.

And then it all went down the drain, I had to get a reality check on the truth that I was doing nothing wrong, I was protecting my children from all the evil that was happening to them and I. I was sad that my pain was so severe that I was going into a state of shock. I couldn’t believe I was in such a terrible situation I just wanted to wake up, be able to wake up out of this horrible nightmare that I was in. I was sickened by the way that my life was shattered into a billion pieces. Yet, I was the only one who was capable of putting myself back together, every single piece of me I had to make a choice to be able to heal from the trauma that I endured that had taken me through some of the darkest days of my life. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be able to be a light to those who have been through this awful experience while living through domestic violence.

It is so much more than just an inconvenience to be able to share my experiences with others. Domestic violence is serious, nobody should have to be afraid of their own life. I have a lot of people who witnessed the violence that occurred during the time I was with him, they have witnessed the worst of it all. My mom being a part of the chaotic life I was living through. It is very sad to hear that I have lived through this, it brings tears to my eyes because why does anybody deserve this kind of torture?! I am grateful for the experience of my own strength to overcome the worst of this, I hope that I will grow stronger as I heal from this all, who have suffered through the abuse and trauma.

I hope that we who have faced these horrible battles will find the courage to stand firm against the evilness that we all face in the world. I pray that whoever is in the position of being in a situation like this that you are capable of being heard by someone.

I was not worth being loved by him anymore because he had hurt me so badly, he was so proud of it. He had no remorse whatsoever, he had no self control and he had no idea how much he had hurt his own family in the process of his own chaos and his destruction. He was hurting his kids, he was hurting me.. He didn’t care the type of damage he was causing me, he was wanting to make my life miserable. He was proud of himself for all the chaos and pain he was causing, it made him feel better about his own life choices. I’m very appreciative of that heart break that I had to go through the depths of my life to see what I truly deserve. I have been through a hell of a time in my life.. someday I hope to be able to be loved by somebody again, I crave for a gentle love that will never question our love for one another. I pray God brings me love that is healthy, someone who is faithful to me, who is willing to love me and my babies.

I didn’t know how much of a difference it made me feel about the way I was treated during this time of my life, I was judged, I was held to a higher standard of self worth, I am now the most humble women, I understand why certain things happen to us, we should be open minded and aware of what is happening around us.

I am grateful for my struggles to be able to express my feelings the way that I should be able to and most important to be able to say that I’m not alone in this life.

I’ve learned my worth, I will never forget that I was born in a society where people are not always kind to others but rather a person that is willing to stand in their own path and be able to make a difference to others. I am unique in my own way. I am a very different person, I’m okay with that.

I felt I was being punished for being human.

I was hurting, I was sad, I was severely depressed…

I felt like a burden to everyone around me, it made me hate myself so much that even when I had a lot of people who had my back it hadn’t felt that way.

I hadn’t asked for my life to turn into something that was so unbearable for me. I just wanted someone to understand how draining my soul was..

I never wanted to have gone through the trouble of being a woman who was incapable of being heard, to go through so much of heart ache the fear of losing myself and being unable to fight for my own sanity, and my happiness. It was the worst feeling in life to feel this way in my whole existence. To feel worthless, I felt like I was being treated horribly by the people who were suppose to be my people. I felt so much heartache than anyone could imagine. Life has taught me that there was a lot of things that were not meant to happen in my lifetime but that there is something special about being able to live through the pain of losing your self, while slowly building myself back up. Your life has meaning and your own feelings matter to me because I care so much about YOU!! WHOEVER YOU ARE YOU ARE WORTHY 🤍

This relationship was a nightmare for me. I don’t even care about your opinion of my life.

You felt how you felt, I felt like I had no choice but to be honest with myself I didn’t even know who you were then and I can care less about who you are now.

I was so broken, the way he poured so much evil into me he could have given two fucks about me he never cared about me at all.

He treated me like a worthless garbage can and that says enough about him. I deserved to be treated better than this, by the person who I had been in love with. You made me realize how much you weren’t deserving of my love. You didn’t deserve access to me. It’s sad that people get treated so poorly, badly enough that they are being forced to go through the worst possible phase of life on their own and not be able to get a proper explanation for why they deserved to be treated so poorly by their own person who was suppose to be the one who was my saving grace instead you were a horrible mistake and a terrible lesson learned.

I suffered from the pain of being treated like this which caused me to go into a mental breakdown.

It was a horrifying traumatic abusive relationship with a narcissist who can bring you to the point of vulnerability.

I didn’t deserve to be treated this badly, there is lessons learned that are needed to be taught, be a good listener or be a helping hand for others.

We learn to have grace and peace in our hearts as we grow stronger each day to be able to do what we need to do to get through these tough times in life.

Nobody’s been harder on me than me.

I know that I’m a better person than I was when I was hurting, I know I am a better mom than I was when I was hurting, I know I am a better friend than I was when I was hurting, I know I am a better daughter than I was when I was hurting, I’m a better sister than I was when I was hurting…

I am only human. I’m not a bad person, I just want to be able to get back to my normal self again..

I went from having long hair to completely going short with it, I’ve heard that hair can hold a lot of memories, it can also hold a lot of emotions, feelings, and pain. It makes me feel better about myself after I cut it off. Letting go of your fears is not an easy thing to do but it’s the most powerful way to get rid of all the worries you have and make sure that you’re ready to take the leap of faith to get back to your own self.

You are what makes you stronger, you have to keep going forward and make sure you are able to get back on the right path to the next chapter of the story you are telling. The person who has been fighting against you for years, yet still has nothing to offer you in life. The individual who has been fighting against you has been the one who is the problem, they have lost their own way of existence they now suffer from the consequences of their own decisions. They have to live with their choices, they will be affected by this, they will suffer for eternity. Sooner or later they will feel the pain of losing you. They will remember you for how they destroyed your heart and your life. They have no idea how much it will hurt them when they remember the memories of the times they had you in their life, the fact they tried breaking the one person, who was there for them in the past and who was always there for them with so much love and forgiveness that is what they will live with that for the rest of their lifetime!!!!!!

You will feel the most loved by everyone around you for your soul that is so special.

You have to be there for yourself this time. You’re a priority, you have a lot to offer to yourself to help others in your life as you are now in the position of being a part of sharing your story. Don’t let anyone make you feel that you aren’t worthy of being loved. I’m beyond thankful for still being here. For as many times I had wanted to give up. I made the most of my life by being able to keep fighting. The only thing that matters is the strength to keep me going through this process of grief, suffering, healing, and being able to see the things I once had to endure in order to be able to see what was truly worth the sacrifice of my own body and my own soul.

The only person who can be saved by the grace of Jesus is anyone who has ever seen him in the most horrific way possible to be a hero in his entire existence the one that will save you from your own misery and the ones who are the only person that is willing to give you a chance to be the one that can be helped by the one that has given me the most valuable gift of all of this life to be able to live with it and be able to have the peace of mind and to have a better understanding of life than the one that we have now in our own heart Prayers are always the best and the most important thing to do. I have to be able to keep going through this every single day because of the fact I have little one’s who look after me every single day.

I hope you find peace in this life because you deserve it and you are beautiful, you are a very beautiful precious soul. 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍