#a blessing with my line of work is that wrangling meaning is old hat at this point

[iridescentcrisco]

Ladies, gentlemen, and gentlethem: my writing style

[thebonerpit]

~*~ Santa’s Little Helper ~*~

Starker, no powers au, 2016 words, fluffy, cheeky, Christmas-y fun (that was intended to be just smut but ended up like this... if people like it I might do a pt.2)

This was hell. Tony was in hell. And hell was decorated like Santa got drunk and threw up Christmas cheer over every available surface.

Pepper wanted Morgan to get her picture with Santa, and absolutely refused the idea of Tony just hiring someone to come the house and do it there. Something about going to a mall Santa was more “authentic”, she said. Tony was sure she just wanted to torture him while she was away in LA with her new boyfriend. So unfair.

Which is why he was currently standing in a line with hundreds of other miserable parents and screaming, sugar-filled children waiting to hand his daughter over to a stranger who probably smelled like cheese and stale beer and hope she didn’t start crying. Joy. As they finally rounded the last corner, Tony could see the scene in front of him. Jolly old Santa (who, to be fair, looked perfectly pleasant and not drunk), a big Christmas tree, and… hello there.

Tony’s gaze was immediately locked on what appeared to be an elf, currently bending over to scrape a small child off the floor and back on to Santa’s lap. His legs were encased in some obscenely tight green leggings, and the curve of what looked like an absolutely perfect ass was barely visible under the edge of a bright red tunic. He even had a little pointed hat with a bell, and what looked like plastic elf ears attached to the edge of it. But when he turned around, that’s when Tony was really dumbstruck. He was beautiful. Young, far too young for Tony to even be considering but hey, who ever said Tony made good choices? He had huge brown eyes that matched the brown curls peeking out from under the hat, and an adorable round face that made him look perfectly innocent and sweet.

Tony wanted him.

He seemed distracted by trying to wrangle all the children ahead of them so he didn’t look up until Tony and Morgan were next in line.

“Welcome to Santa’s Village, may I get your—uh… your…”

Tony smirked.

“Your name! Your name, please. Um. Sir.”

“Tony Stark,” he said, still smirking at the flush on the boy’s cheeks as he typed it into the iPad. He was trying to hard to be professional, bless, but Tony could tell he was attracted to him. Tony knew the effect he could have on people, but most of the time their adoration was an annoyance more than anything. Now, it seemed, he couldn’t get enough. The boy looked back, purposely avoiding Tony’s gaze, and focused on Morgan. This seemed to help and he easily switched back into elf mode.

“And you must be…” he said, bending down to smile at the young girl clinging to Tony’s leg.

“Morgan H. Stark, and I’m here to see Santa Claus,” she stated proudly. The boy laughed and extended his hand.

“Lovely to meet you, Morgan H. Stark. My name is Peter, and I’m one of Santa’s elves.”

Morgan’s eyes went wide as she shook his hand (or rather, his fingers).

“Do you make toys?”

“I sure do! Do you have a special toy you want to ask Santa for this year?”

“Uh-huh!” Morgan said, nodding her head vigorously. She looked like she was about to go on but Peter quickly shushed her.

“Shh, that’s gonna be a secret between you and Santa, ok? And then he can tell me what to make for you!”

Morgan nodded again, looking very serious. Tony was absolutely charmed. This boy – Peter – was so good with her, and it honestly warmed his cold, black heart a little. Peter stood back up and the flush on his cheeks returned when he looked at Tony again.

“It will just be a minute, sir, apologies for the wait.”

“Of course. Peter, was it?”

“Um, yes… yes sir.”

“And what is a lovely elf like you doing working in a place like this?” It was terribly cheesy but Tony just couldn’t help himself, and he was rewarded by Peter flushing even deeper and ducking his head.

“I… school. Um, I mean… I’m in school? Not right now, of course. Winter break. But… I kinda needed the extra money.”

“He means that he doesn’t want to have to resort to eating the on-campus hot dogs anymore because they keep giving him really bad—”

“MJ!” he screeched, startling the people around them in line.

“Sorry, sorry,” he whispered, and then turned to the girl beside him and glared at her until she rolled her eyes and moved away.

“Where do you go, Columbia?” Tony asked. Peter looked adorable when he was embarrassed but Tony didn’t want him to stop talking because of it.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, “first year. Biochem.”

“Biochem? Impressive. Yeah I’ve been there a few times… pro-tip, the cafeteria sells discount sandwiches at the end of the day. Might be a better choice than hot dogs.”

Peter looked up, all wide, brown Bambi eyes, and smiled.

“Uh… thanks, Mr. Stark. For the tip.”

God, there were SO many inappropriate jokes just begging to spill from Tony’s lips but they were all saved by Morgan tugging on Tony’s pant leg.

“Daddy, daddy, look, it’s my turn!”

“So it is, wingnut,” Tony said, petting her hair with one hand but still completely focused on Peter’s face.

“Come with me, Morgan,” Peter said, holding out his hand for her. She followed him over to where Santa was perched on his throne (did Santa really need a throne that big?) and he helped her up on to his lap. The other elf, MJ, seemed to be working the camera so Peter stood off to the side and gave Morgan an encouraging thumbs up. Tony watched, a smile creeping across his face, as Morgan explained in great detail what she wanted for Christmas this year. Santa looked a little dumbfounded but Tony assumed it wasn’t every day a child asked for a fully programmable robot cat that can also turn into a repulsor-powered rocket ship that she can ride around the yard. And no, Tony did NOT give her that idea whatsoever…

Unfortunately, Santa then started asking her other questions and although Morgan wasn’t a shy child, she didn’t like going into situations unprepared. She started looking visibly uncomfortable, squirming away and ducking her head, and Tony was just about to step in when Peter scooted forward and knelt down beside her.

“Hey Morgan, you did such a great job! How about we get a photo, and then you can pick a candy from the toy chest ok?”

Morgan still looked displeased but she nodded, and Peter nodded back. However, as soon as he went to leave she made a little noise and reached out to grab him.

“No. You stay.”

Peter swallowed and looked over his shoulder at MJ, who just shrugged.

“Sweetheart, elves aren’t supposed to be in the photos, ok? It’s just for you and Santa! It’ll just take a few seconds—”

“No!” she said, much more forcefully this time, and Tony could see her eyes starting to tear up.

“I… um…”

Tony Stark to the rescue, once again.

“It’s fine,” he called out, waving a hand at Peter from behind the camera, “you can stay.”

“A—are you sure, sir? I don’t want to intrude…”

“You’re not intruding, you’re saving me from having to explain to my ex why our daughter is in tears in what’s supposed to be a heartwarming Christmas memory.”

This got a little laugh out of him, and he looked down at Morgan who was still clinging to him, her hot little hand pressed into his.

“Ok. Alright. How about I just sit here, Morgan, is that ok?” He sat on the top step, just to the side of Santa’s throne, where he could still hold her hand. He arranged his legs gracefully underneath him and Tony once again thanked whatever god made those green leggings. “Can you give us a big smile?”

Morgan seemed appeased, and when MJ called out “say Santa!” she grinned widely. A perfect photograph. Pepper would be happy.

Peter led her over to the toy chest and while she started rummaging through for a candy, he walked over to Tony with his festive green and red iPad.

“The photo should be ready in a few moments. How would you like to pay?”

Tony handed over his black card which made Peter’s eyes widen briefly, but he processed it without a word, handing it back to Tony and definitely not shivering as their fingers brushed.

“Thanks, by the way,” Tony said casually as he put the card back in his wallet, “for avoiding what could have been a meltdown of epic proportions. Morguna is a great kid but her screams would probably break every pane of glass in this building.”

“Oh! Oh, it’s no problem sir, it’s what we’re here for. And I apologize again for having to be in the photo… we might be able to edit me out if—”

“Nonsense. It just makes it extra festive, right? And I can’t say I mind having the option to look at you on my mantel instead of an old fat man with a beard.”

Peter giggled – god, Tony could never get tired of that sound – and bit his lip.

“Th-thank you,” he said quietly. The bell on the end of his ridiculous hat jingled as he looked over to where Morgan was still digging into the candy stash. Tony took that moment to quickly scribble a note on one of his business cards and wrap it in a few hundred dollar bills, which he slid into one of Peter’s pockets on the front of his tunic. The sensation made Peter’s head whip back around, bell jingling even louder, as he stared open-mouthed at the money.

“Oh, sir, I can’t… we don’t accept tips…” He started to take the bills out but Tony stopped him with a warm hand pressed over his thin wrist.

“It’s not a tip, then,” Tony said, rubbing one thumb along Peter’s smooth skin. “Consider it a donation to your ‘no more hot dogs in 2020’ fund.”

Peter’s chest was practically heaving under Tony’s hand, and he watched as he swallowed thickly before looking up at him through those sinful lashes.

“Thank you,” he whispered, “thank you so much, sir.”

“Hey, it’s the holidays,” Tony said, leaning in just a little closer until he could see the gold sparkling in Peter’s big brown eyes, “Merry Christmas, Peter.”

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Stark,” Peter replied breathlessly.

“I FOUND A CHOCOLATE SANTA!” Morgan yelled.

Tony groaned inwardly but turned to look at his daughter, smiling brightly and wielding a foil-wrapped chocolate Santa.

“Good job! Let’s go bite his head off, ok?”

Morgan cackled as Tony leaned down and scooped her up, hoisting her on his hip. He turned back to Peter who still looked like he might hyperventilate at any moment and offered him a crooked smile.

“Bye, Mr. Elf!” Morgan said, waving as Tony carried her out of the gates and back into the crowded mall. He purposely didn’t look back, even though he could feel Peter’s eyes boring holes into his skull. He just had to be patient.

+++++

Peter (10:59 p.m.): Hi Mr. Stark. Thank you again for the tip. It was WAY too much. But thank you.

Tony (11:01 p.m.): I see you found my card, too.

Peter (11:03 p.m.): I did… I’m free on Thursday. Or Saturday. Or any day, honestly, I’ll get MJ to cover for me because yeah I’d really really really really like to go on a date with you.

Tony (11:05 p.m.): That sure is a lot of really’s. I feel so special. Pick you up on Saturday at 8pm. Wear those tights for me, ok?

Peter (11:07 p.m.): NO.

Tony (11:08 p.m.): Don’t make a grown man beg, sweetheart.

Peter (11:10 p.m.): … I can wear them under my pants.

Tony (11:11 p.m.): Oh, you really are a Christmas miracle. Can’t wait, sweet thing. See you soon.