#a Lot of them are really simple but thats bc their designs are already perfect

[ganondoodle]

Since you said it's ok to send you random ask, i've always found your "monsters" design to be really really gorgeous, and I wanted to know : in any form of media you've interacted with, what's PEAK monster design for you ?

i have been thinking about this ask alot bc ... i dont ... know? theres a problem with what counts as a monster really too, most are either some sort of anthro/furry or the horror gore type of monster that instills you more with disgust than awe

i guess theres some i really like but idk if thats what id call 'peak' (though its rarely JUST the design but their vibe and stuff too);

(its a lot of zelda.. sorry)

Eldra, Farodra and Naydra (engl Dinraal, Farosh(?)) though Eldra is def my fav one of them, i like how they are a little more less typical dragon- with the fur around the neck the floppy ears and kinda goofy face yet manage to be the most ethereal, awe inspiring creature i have ever seen in a game with how they act and are presented as (in BOTW!!! do not mention anythign sonau/zonai with stupid magic pebbles to me about them i will manifest worms into your tea)

Leunen (Lynels) (botw) -i could not find a better picture wtf, fav are white and silver ones) FINE they had some pretty neat new horn designs in totk- idk i just like them alot, rather simple if you think about it, horse lion plus horns- but its so well put together it just kinda scratches my brain in a good way (also how intelligent they clearly are, like the way they fight and act and also even their death animation is so??? huh?? you are just gonna treat them like any other mindless monste- *remmbers they treat ganondorf even even worse all things considered* .. nevermind you're good)

'Beast' Ganondorf (twilight princess) its my favorite beast ganon design (even if it technically is just kinda a man boar .. again) though if ww gan had a non puppet beast form that one would most definitely be my fav lol (i will not get over the fact that some descriptions call this a hideous beast EXCUSE ME???? WHERE???) (honorable mention here, darkbest ganon from botw, pig on fire but it looks cool as fuck)

Nimbusgarde (ww) .. (engl .. darknuts?) do i need to say anything? (i could throw alot of ww design here) not sure if it counts as monster but they are not human so ????

the pathless bosses- (here in order, Cernos, the Godslayer, and Kumo) all of them are rad as hell (except for the final version of the godslayer ... liek im sorry but it looks to boring compared to any other one lol) again not just the design but man do i love them

since i dont know what would count as a monster or no i could just list my fav characters here bfmjbfmjsbmj like radahn (elden ring) is just kinda a zombie, aurelion sol (league of legends) is a space dragon, the forest god in princess mononoke, Narisha (skyward sword- sky whale)- i could go on but this post is long already (honorable mention to Omus in nausicäa, weird bugs but also something divine, though it is much more how they are treated and the vibe etc)

in all honesty though i cant think of one that i would describe as perfect, what i want of a monster design is to be ... cool but also a little weird, big hulking monsters that have something off about them and something that makes them 'other', but also not, as much as i like bloodborne, just bloody gory messes of rotting flesh, AND not just as a monster to kill, i just crave a game or otherwiese piece of media where the cool monsters arent just there for you to kill- the perfect one i guess would be something kinda big scary weird and off but while non verbal clearly not a mindless beast?

and here is the thing; my own characters do not furfill that, my designs are really rather conservative, much to my dismay, anthro of a mix of animals, maybe an extra arm thrown in- Eadrya, one of my favorites, is really just a blueish furry (yes they have fur) and their demon form is a mix of seals and catfish with some extra arms, too many teeth and a mouth that goas wayy to far (if they want) - Shargon is a feather dude with extra arms and his demon form is really just a chinese type dragon crossed with a bird, throw some darts at the color wheel, done

together with my problem of my monster characters losing their 'otherness' vibe within the story rather fast bc the majority of my characters are non human and speak and you see them in all sorts of emotions and parts of life- they lose that divine, unknown vibe and i HATE that that happens, i want them more akin to the forest god in mononoke but thats not possible unless i start from scratch

and i really dont mean to make myself look bad to sound self depre- ... however you spell that; i really am rather dissatisfied with my own designs but mostly just roll with what i got bc i never seem to be able to actually achieve what i want

even my redesigns often really make things LESS interesting (unless maybe the og was just ... human, but they are blue eyed with golden hair and white so that makes them divine you seE-), the skyward sword dragons as i redesigned them made them much more classical dragon, in part intentional bc i was drawing a connection of them becoming the botw dragons at some point, but by all means the canon design is much more weird and unusual than what i did with them, you could apply the same to even demise, his canon design might seem a little uninspired but really what did i do? inject him with some classic satan spice like that makes it in any way less stereotypical evil demon ??? lol

im sorry this post devolved into whatever this is but i really am trying to answer sincerely, i am confused about it myself, what counts as a monster, what doesnt, there must be more that i really loved but why cant i think of them, why do i design characters like this when i really want something much more different, i dont know, i feel like my brain is in a cage, why do i keep making things less interesting in an effort to make it interesting, am i falling into the corporate trap of cool sells who am i what am i doing

(theres a zelda artist with a style so strikingly genuis in shape, color and just .. DESIGN that i want to chew my nails off bc i cannot design like them, their designs and redesigns are so different yet sensical and so full of crisp shapes i have never seen before it drives me nuts and i would want to give them a shoutout but i think they dont like me so aaaaarhekjbfhgdknbgdfklbg)

[hostilemuppet]

hot take on velvet and veneer; it would have made so much more sense for them to be bergens honestly <- specifically for the already swiss plot

in the artbook they mentioned wanting a clean/plastic look to the rageons/v&v, but they could have achieved that with a simple feat.

in the hunger games, the people in the captital are very eccentric with thier clothing, food, and appearances. they modify thier bodies to look more ‘cool’ and ‘unique’. honestly dreamworks could of pulled that and pulled it off hard.

as well as expanding on the bergens. the rageons (what they would call themselves instead of bergen) could be a distanced group of bergens that wanted to shine more than being upset. and with glitz and glam they found the happiness they needed rather than through the trolls.

i think about this a lot.

i THOROUGHLY disagree.

for one, the plastic look wasnt just aesthetic, it was thematic. that they were fake, absolutely perfect looking plastic dolls getting by on their looks instead of talent, the talent they are stealing from someone else. they are pretty and skinny, and literally white, and they are stealing from a less fortunate and marginalised character! in one of the deleted scenes, velvet mentions that "everyone loves the trolls now", implying that they could get away with it before bc no one gave a shit about the trolls, so v&v as the majority could do whatever they wanted without anyone caring about the (literal) little guy

for another, do you REALISE how much thatd RUIN vivas arc? the whole thing with her putting her past behind her, taking that risk even though shes so terrified of bergens because thats in the past and theyre all friends now, viva doesnt have to be scared anymore! to then give her more bergens to be terrified of? itd just reinforce her fears! shed retreat back to hole n fun, convinced it really ISNT safe out there, the bergens might not want to eat them anymore but the threat of imprisonment and torture isnt much worse!

i get how people think bergens are more visually interesting, but please look at it from a perspective more than "ugh, they made the villains more conventionally attractive, clearly they only wanted to be more marketable" and realise that maybe its because them being bergens wasnt as good. because things change during production, and yeah there are some visuals from the art book i like better too (all those viva designs...), but they went the way they did bc its what worked better.

[4b9]

the gangs all here

[astro-break]

Did I spend 3 hours cataloging the new MV outfits instead of studying? Yes. Please don’t question it. Everything is under the cut because its long, there’s really bad quality screenshots, and i went ham on the data analysis :)

General points: - There are three types of outfits in the set. Tucked, Untucked, and Half tucked shirts. Pants are the same as far as I can tell

- All of this is speculative and is in no way fact. Please take the data with a grain of salt, I am horrendous at math and can’t count for shit

- Belts and shoes are reflective and go Kira Kira during lives. Subaru goes crazy over them and has probably already stolen them all

Units

Trickstar - Orange Shoes

Hokuto - Tucked Shirt | Subaru - Untucked Shirt | Mao - Half Tucked Shirt | Makoto - Untucked Shirt

Fine - Peach Shoes

Eichi - Tucked Shirt | Wataru - Untucked Shirt | Yuzuru - Tucked Shirt | Tori - Half Tucked Shirt

Ryuseitai - Red Shoes

Chiaki - Untucked Shirt | Kanata - Tucked Shirt | Tetora - Half Tucked Shirt | Shinobu - Untucked Shirt | Midori - Tucked Shirt

Alkaloid - Teal Shoes

Hiiro - Untucked Shirt | Aira - Untucked Shirt | Tatsumi - Tucked Shirt | Mayoi - Tucked Shirt

Eden - Grey Shoes

Nagisa - Untucked Shirt | Hiyori - Untucked Shirt | Ibara - Untucked Shirt | Jun - Untucked Shirt

2wink - Pink Shoes

Hinata - Half Tucked Shirt | Yuuta - Half Tucked Shirt

Valkyrie - Burgundy Shoes

Shu - Tucked Shirt | Mika - Half Tucked Shirt

Crazy:B - Yellow Shoes

Rinne - Half Tucked Shirt | HiMERU - Tucked Shirt | Kohaku - Tucked Shirt | Niki - Half Tucked Shirt

Undead - Purple Shoes

Rei - Tucked Shirt | Kaoru - Tucked Shirt | Koga - Half Tucked Shirt | Adonis - Half Tucked Shirt

Akatsuki - Burgundy Shoes

Keito - Tucked Shirt | Kuro - Untucked Shirt | Souma - Untucked Shirt

Ra*bits - Teal Shoes

Nazuna - Untucked Shirt | Tomoya - Untucked Shirt | Hajime - Untucked Shirt | Tenma - Untucked Shirt

Knights - Dark Blue Shoes

Leo - Tucked Shirt | Sena - Tucked Shirt | Ritsu - Tucked Shirt | Arashi - Tucked Shirt | Tsukasa - Tucked Shirt

Switch - Green Shoes

Natsume - Tucked Shirt | Tsumugi - Tucked Shirt | Sora - Half Tucked Shirt

MaM - Grey Shoes

Madara - Untucked Shirt

(Do you really need a screenshot? Hes been in like. 90% of the other ones :p)

Jin & Akiomi

Jin - Burgundy Shoes, Untucked Shirt | Akiomi - Dark Blue Shoes, Tucked Shirt

--

Data:

In General  - 51 Idols

Tucked Shirts (41%) - 21 Idols | Untucked Shirts (37%) - 19 Idols | Half Tucked Shirts (22%) - 11 Idols

StarPro - 17 Idols

Tucked Shirts (41%) - 7 Idols | Untucked Shirts (41%) - 7 Idols | Half Tucked Shirts (18%) - 3 Idols

CosPro - 12 Idols

Tucked Shirts (25%) - 3 Idols | Untucked Shirts (33%) - 4 Idols | Half Tucked Shirts (42%) - 5 Idols

RyLin - 11 Idols

Tucked Shirts (27%) -  3 Idols | Untucked Shirts (54%) - 6 Idols | Half Tucked Shirts (19%) - 2 Idols

NewDi - 9 Idols

Tucked Shirts (77%) - 7 Idols | Untucked Shirts (11%) - 1 Idol | Half Tucked Shirts (12%) - 1 Idol

(26%) 4/15 Units ([25%] 4/16 if you count Double Face) have members wearing the same shirt. These units are:

Eden (Untucked), 2wink (Half Tucked), Ra*bits (Untucked), and Knights (Tucked)

(53%) 8/15 Units had the same colored shoes. These units are:

Alkaloid & Ra*bits: Teal Shoes

Valkyrie & Akatsuki & Jin: Burgundy Shoes

Eden & MaM: Grey Shoes

Knights & Akiomi: Dark Blue Shoes

--

Mini Analysis (that eventually turned into a not so mini analysis)

I think that each character wearing their shirts slightly differently is actually super interesting and shows a little bit of personality for them. Loose shirts are more boyish and athletic, youthful and fun while tucked in shirts give off a more refined and put together appearance. Half tucked just looks lazy in my opinion but also has the best of both worlds, a casual kind of formality.

StarPro having a more or less equal amount of Idols wearing their shirts in all three ways is pretty interesting and really emphasizes the amount of freedom these idols are given based on their agency. It also speaks to how free StarPro units are in relation to other agencies since they are the sole agency without any units who match each other’s shirt wearing tendencies. Everyone’s just kind of everywhere with each unit doing their own thing. Its interesting to note that the only unit in StarPro that doesn’t have all three styles of shirt wearing is Alkaloid. In Mayoi’s own words, Alkaloid is “a newbie who has just made his debut”. Because of they’re new I suspect that they haven’t branched out very much, sticking to the tried and true traditions of idol work that dictates that uniformity with minor deviations is the best for unit outfits. You can totally see it in how they’ve separated themselves into two neat groups: Hiiro with Aira and Tatsumi with Mayoi (yes shippers you can go feral over this fact).

Contrasting StarPro, CosPro has the highest amount of units with matching shirt styles. Eden makes sense since Ibara probably wants the face of the company to look uniform so he made them all wear their shirts the same. Though the decision to leave them untucked leaves me questioning a few things. Do they want to seem more approachable? I guessed before actually seeing the outfits that Eden would either have half tucked or fully tucked shirts mostly because they’re a unit who prioritizes appearances. Having that put together air definitely fits Eden (or at least Adam). 2wink wasn’t a surprise tho. They’re generally a more uniform unit being twins and all. Though again, a bit miffed about the choice for half tucked shirts. While I will freely admit that I don’t read very many Eden or 2wink stories nor have I interacted with them very much, I do think there is merit in being able to understand design choices at a glance. If a 2winkP or an EdenP would like to hazard a guess as to why these two units have shirt wearing styles that doesn’t really fit with my preconceived notions of them please do tell me. But other than that, CosPro is generally really uniform with each unit being more or less balanced. Valkyrie as always has a really strong sense of aesthetics and pairing the half tucked shirt with the tucked shirt was a very good call. Crazy:B, like Alkaloid, is neatly separated into two groups: Rinne with Niki and Kohaku with HiMERU (more shipping fodder for you shippers :p). But contrary to Alkaloid who’s following more conventional idol ideas, i feel like Crazy:B was instructed by Ibara to dress like that. Both to promote the image of unity within CosPro but also to piss Rinne off ww.

I really don’t have much to say on RyLin since I generally don’t like any of the units affiliated with it. I really sorry but I’m pretty indifferent about Ra*bits and Akatsuki. I do have Opinions TM about Undead but that’s for another day. But for now, I will say that Ra*bits all having untucked shirts is very cute and very Ra*bits. The picture perfect image of youth and energy!

Thanks to Knights basically dominating the board with their five person unit all with tucked in pants, the data was skewed way to much into the tucked shirts area wwww. Even if Natsume and Tsumugi didn’t have tucked shirts it would still be the majority wwwww. In all seriousness, tucked in pants is 100% a Knights look and i am living for it. They look so noble even in converse and casual wear. I think Mama having an untucked shirt is also super cute and makes him a lot more huggable. (please refer to the Ra*bits screenshot, its very cute the height difference) Even Sora’s half tucked look is very boyish a cute, very Sora. Honestly each of the agencies’ personalities shone through even through these simple clothes and honestly did a better job of giving me each unit’s personalities at a glance than those 5th Ani outfits did.

Also I have no idea why some units share shoe colors its just a fun thing to point out. Yes I’m pretentious and say burgundy instead of dark red. Shut up. I like burgundy :p

--

Extra Notes

- None of these bitches are straight, they’re wearing Converse with cuffed pants! Look me in the face and tell me that wearing converse with cuffed pants is a straight thing. Thats right, you can’t.

- The stage was Knights’ Silent Oath bc it’s a stage with 5 people, has nice lighting, and has multiple parts where I can get all 5 people with a large window of time. Also I can stand listening to Silent Oath 12 times while taking screenshots. The other option was Suisei Halation but I found Silent Oath first :p

- This came from me noticing that Rei had purple converse shoes and laughing my ass off about it before going to check out the other units and spiraling from there

- As I was cataloguing this, I made a mental list of who in Enstars deserves to have fangs on their model and who actually does. I’m not posting that today but if you’re interested....

- None of this was edited. None of it.

- I really should have been studying ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯  time well wasted

[kingdomhearts-and-soriku-trash]

Okay but Sora trying to get it through Riku’s thick skull that he loves him. And Riku not getting it so someone jokes and says the phrase a way to a mans heart is his stomach and so Sora starting cooking his heart out to riku. But riku just DOESN’T get it. And finally when Sora bakes him a dish with papou fruit he has a Oh moment. I just think there should be more oblivious riku. Plus I like the idea of Sora just stress baking or cooking for everyone (riku gets special treats).

YEEEEEESSSS! I can see it happening. Riku definitely is a boy that has no idea what he’s doing. Well, in fighting he kinda does, but emotions??? NO!! So yh I’m here for that >:). They both don’t know what they HECK THEYRE DOING BUT YEAH-

If theres mess ups forgive me :’)

Whenever Sora was found, he and Riku spent a lot of time together. It wasn’t just to “talk”. They were just there for each other. And they loved it like that. They were loud, playful, and having a good time with the other like always, but they also loved the moments of being able to be silent and quiet with each other. And during those moments, Sora realized his feelings getting bigger. 

He loves Riku.

He’s always loved Riku.

But Sora always believed it was in a best friend way, or a family way...but he slowly realized it wasn’t. When he saw Riku run his hands through his hair, Sora wanted to do that, and he missed how he (as in Riku) used to run his through his hair (as in Sora’s hair). He missed it and he found himself wanting to kiss him. That’s when he knew he loved Riku. It took him for a shock, but he accepted it and decided to do something very Sora like.

Do everything in his power to show what he means instead of just saying it. Totally like Sora...

So, Sora learns to bake. He always loved watching his mother bake, so he tries to remember stuff she did, and he almost gets it right, but there are a ton of failures. But he knows thats okay, he now knows that that’s what has to happen for growth, so he keeps going. However, inbetween cooking and fighting, he’d try and show Riku how he loved him. It was difficult to push past the anxiety, but he managed to on multiple tries.

The first time was when he asked to hold Riku’s hand. It didn’t seem like much, but they used to always hold hands, and they loved the feeling of the other being there, so he did it again. Riku paused when he asked him, but he smiled and held Sora’s hand tight. It made Sora blush and he really hoped Riku noticed it, but he didn’t say anything. Sora considered that a failed attempt.

The second try is when he basically asked Riku on a date. This wasn’t a normal hang out because they usually just went to the island or went to a quiet place with each other. This time, Sora took him to a restaurant. He took him to see Little Chef! He basically tried to keep it serious, but did fail a bit and made Riku and him play with Little Chef. They enjoyed their time and finally ate some food. It was quiet and adorable, and Riku did blush, but he never said anything.

After that try, he didn’t know what to do. He was confused and stuck, so Aqua came up to him and said what Tiana said. 

“The fastest way to a mans heart, is through his stomach.”

He believed that Aqua knew everything, so he took her advice seriously. Since he knew how to bake a good amount already, he starts to look up recipes for lovers. Ways to show how you love someone with your cooking. He finds a recipe of cupcakes with a paopu fruit on the top. He honestly finds it sweet and delicious, so he starts on it. He does multiple batches, gets everyone to taste it (almost eliminating Aqua because she always tell Sora that he is great no matter what...but she actually gave him feedback this time), and gets feedback, and learns how to make them better. The paopu the first time was too sweet and hurt their teeth from the sweetness (since thats what happens usually if something is too sweet), so he made it less sweet, but accidentally made it not sweet at all. Then, he burnt one batch because he wasn’t paying attention (like always), but eventually, he made the perfect cupcake batch.

The paopu fruit design on the top was a perfect. It was a bright yellow, but not too bright. The blue frosting that it was on was a beautiful bright blue and it matched the paopu It looked really good, so Sora took this as his third chance. He got them into a little container and went to see Riku again. He found him training and he couldn’t help but stare for awhile. He never noticed how Riku’s muscles moved when he fought, how fast he moved, and how skilled he was. He knew Riku was skilled, but to actually see it up close was amazing to him.

“Sora?”

Sora snapped out of his daze and realized that Riku saw him. Instead of being weirded out, he smiled and made his keyblade disappear. “Whatcha got in the container?” Sora looked down at it and almost forgot what was in it, but he remembered and suddenly felt anxious. However, he needed Riku to understand his love. “They’re some cupcakes I made just for you!” Sora put on his best smile and Riku smiled back. The smile that made his eyes crinkle at the edge. 

Sora lead him to a bench in the training ground and opened the container to reveal the paopu fruit cupcakes. Riku stared at them for a minute, but believed it was just a simple cupcake. He knew Sora liked the paopu fruit legend, so he assumed he just made cupcakes out of them, but Sora looked at him with love in his eyes, trying to show him how much Riku meant to him. 

However...Riku was still an idiot.

He took a cupcake and took a bite out of it and smiled. “It tastes real nice, Sora!” Sora smiled at him, but when Riku didn’t say anything else, he realized that he still didn’t understand. 

“Riku? Are you serious?”

Riku looked over at him and looked confused. “What do you mean?”

Sora looked sad and Riku was worried, but Sora instantly said how he felt.

“I love you! These cupcakes were meant to show that. I’ve been trying to show you for awhile,” he said, with a worried look on his face. “We’ve been friends forever, best friends. I’ve known you all my life and believed my love in my heart for you was best friend love. But I realized that I don’t just love you like a best friend. It’s changed. Everything’s changed, Riku. I want to hold your hand, be with you, fight alongside you, kiss you, comfort you when you feel terrible, and just be with you, so bad.”

Sora stopped at that, realizing he was rambling. He looked at Riku and he saw a huge blush form on his face, and he knew the same was on his face. Riku swallowed the rest of his cupcake and took a breath.

“Um, that’s a lot,” he said as he looked down. Sora felt like he messed up. He ruined everything. He had an apology on the tip of his tongue, but Riku spoke first.

“I love you, too, Sora. Don’t apologize.” Riku looked back up at him and smiled at him, and Sora noticed his eyes. There was love in them, but they were...pink! Sora was shocked and Riku laughed. “I’m glad you said it and I’m sorry I didn’t see it at first. I was scared of assuming wrong, but I love you too. I don’t know when my feelings changed exactly, but I know I feel the same as you!” 

Sora was silent, his happiness taking over him, and he was still shocked at his eyes. However, he didn’t want to keep Riku waiting, so he leaned over and got close enough to kiss him, but left space for Riku to lean in, he didn’t want to rush him. Riku didn’t wait. He kissed him with passion. 

His lips tasted like the paopu fruit, sweet and juicy, and he loved it. He rested his hand against his cheek and they don’t even know how long they kissed, but it was blissful. When they pulled away, Riku’s eyes were still pink. “Hey, Riku, your eyes are pink!” Sora poked at Rikus cheek and Rikus eyes widened. “What?”

Sora pulled out his phone and took a pic of Riku. He showed Riku and he was in shock. “How is this happening?” It took Riku awhile to think of why, but it hit him in the face. “It’s because I’m your dream eater.” Sora smiled at that and wrapped his arms around Riku. “I guess it means I have to give you more attention,” he said as he ran his hands through his hair. Riku tried to not show how much he loved it, but he did love it. He leaned onto Sora’s shoulder and he noticed how he was purring. 

Sora kissed Riku on the forehead and leaned his head against his. “I love you, Riku.” 

“I love you more, Sora.”

“No, I love you more!”

Then, they became their 5 year old self’s again by bickering about who loved the other more. It was perfect for them.

AAAAAH!!! I love this idea and I hope you like it! Its so sweet and perfect. I love Riku and Sora and HNNNG the idea of Riku changing bc of his dream eater ability, is SO sweet and COOL and I LOVE it! Anyways, yeah, I hope you like this and I enjoyed writing it! I managed to write something not in bullet points! I’m proud :))).

[doubleshotofsomething]

Publicity Stunt

Part Four

[Part One<-- Find here]

Warnings: Swearing as usual. Trigger warnings??( just to prepare you, so be prepared). I think thats it?? 

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Reader is a fixer/Pr and longtime friend of Pepper. Post-endgame.

PS: Thank you guys for the support and feedback, your kind words are music to my ears(eyes bc i read them) and i cant explain how much it means to me. Thank you all so very much xxxxxxx

Scroll to the bottom for the next part

You stood on the tarmac as the Quinjet landed. Your personal assistant, Jonah, had arrived a few hours earlier and met the Avengers at the Senate hearing. You weren’t a fan of court procedures, any more than you were of politicians, so you sent Jonah – along with the lawyers you trusted – to the courthouse to ensure everything ran smoothly. Clint was a bit anxious when you told him your assistant was replacing you, Wanda refused to leave unless you were going with them, and Bucky spent the entire time asking about your male assistant.

“You planned this whole thing but you’re not showing up?” Clint argued, eyes flashing with betrayal.

Wanda agreed with him. “This is your thing! If anyone can convince people to do anything they don’t wanna, it’s you!”

“I’m not one for damselling—” Sam stopped pacing and took a breath- “but you’re turning me into one right about now.”

“This, Noah, person you were telling me about—” Bucky practically shoved the laptop in your face, a picture of your security’s supervisor stared back at you, “—he looks like a registered sex offender.”

You rolled your eyes, fixed the search, and pulled a picture of your assistant. You turned the laptop back to him and faced everyone else. “Jonah is a qualified attorney, and the team of attorneys that will be representing you are the best DC has to offer. You are in great hands.” You tried to reassure them, but your absence was clearly something that they weren’t okay with.

“Noah looks like Rumlow.” Bucky scowled, staring too closely at the screen. “He looks like Rumlow’s Hulk brother.”

“Looks like Drax’s long lost brother,” Sam added, peering over Bucky’s shoulder.

Clint joined in, clicking a few buttons and nodded. “He looks like he eats Senators for breakfast.”

“You work around Rumlow?” Bucky looked back at you, eyebrows furrowed. “Every single day, you spend time with this guy?”

“Jonah.” You corrected.

“He looks like a registered sex offender.”

“That’s not what sex offenders look like,” you scoffed, “you’d be surprised how many suits and ties are actual sex offenders.”

“Rumlow Noah is wearing a suit and tie.”

“Bucky, his name is Jonah,” you looked at him pointedly, “and it would do you justice if you remembered that. He’s a nice kid—”

“-registered sex offender—”

“—and he’s really good at what he does.” You glared at him for a moment longer before looking at everyone else, “I wouldn’t trust this part of the job on anyone else. He’s good. He’s great, and his team of attorneys are sharks. You—”

“Why do we need attorneys?” Clint asked, looking away from the laptop. “I thought this was a senate hearing.”

“While you’re at it, ask her about the security team of registered criminals she has on speed dial.” Bucky muttered, scrolling through more pictures of Jonah.

“What?” Wanda practically cried; eyes wide with panic.

“Oh, for fuck sake—” You inhaled deeply, “—the attorneys are for back up and the security is for the attorneys.”

Bucky, because he’s Bucky and his natural instinct is to make things difficult for you, scoffed. “It’s to get us out of there in case this is a trap.”

“A trap?!”

“Barnes!”

“Did you know Rumlow Noah had the third highest grade score in his class?”

It took far longer than expected, than necessary, to get them onto the Quinjet and to the hearing. Bucky was still attached to the laptop when he boarded, Clint was satisfied that you weren’t sending an intern with no experience, and Wanda was contemplating using her abilities on you. But, eventually, they departed for the city and left you with enough time to do your job, make a couple of phone calls and listen in on the senate hearings.

You weren’t a rookie, you had Jonah wear one of his bugged suits. This was the senate, after all, and you had to be ready for anything they could pull.

Jonah was a large man. His build caused controversy in the courtroom, juries thought him intimidating and witnesses found him unapproachable. His voice was far too deep, his face was far too intense, his looks were too menacing. His presence alone had scared witnesses into committing perjury, a few simple objections had caused him fines from contempt, juries ruled against his clients because of his daunting appearance.

Jonah was a very large man, but where others saw a beast, you saw brains. He was far younger than you, he had graduated from high school and law school far too early, and he was ready to make a difference. He could recite every word in the constitution, poke holes in the most ironclad of nondisclosure agreements, he could tell you all about each crime and how to elude being charged with it. The kid could get away with a Presidential assassination in broad daylight if he wanted to. But he looked like a Mafioso and appearance is everything in DC. So, when he lost a case – a case he should have won – you walked up to him and offered him a job.

Personal Assistant is what you both called his title, but he was much more than that. He was the reason you were good at your job.

“I’m guessing it all went well?” You raised an eyebrow at Jonah, the rest following suit.

Jonah simply shrugged, handing you a folder. “That shouldn’t even be a question.”

“Shit hit the fan.” Clint sighed.

“I’m making a list.” Bucky grumbled, idling a few steps away as he continued with his face shoved against the laptop.

“He pissed everyone off!” Wanda glared at him, “how is that not supposed to be a question?”

“Jesus—” Jonah rolled his eyes, dark brown glaring down at Wanda. “—you really think that was supposed to end well? It’s a senate hearing, with a bunch of powerful that were in the room with, arguably, people that are far more powerful than them. Your abilities, your avenging, everything about you already pisses them off.”

“What was the point of all that then?” Sam questioned, staring at Jonah like a lion ready to pounce on its prey.

“To piss them off,” Bucky added, shoving the laptop at you. “This is Rumlow’s classmate. She’s married, graduated top of her class and lectures at an Ivy League law school.”

You took the laptop and closed it shut. “The point of all this was to prove to everyone that the whole case is biased, that the entire senate – along with the accords – was based on the simple fact that they are biased.” You said, handing the laptop to Jonah’s anticipating hands and walking back inside.

“If we could prove bias to the general public,” Jonah continued as they all followed, “we could dismantle the entire case against you.”

“Sounds like a sex offender thing to say,” Bucky grouched, earning a warning look from you.

You placed the laptop on the kitchen counter, telling Jarvis to seal off every entrance to anyone without residential clearance. The rebuilt Compound was larger, but with less floors, the design was a unique mixture of every Avenger’s taste, except it was more of an armoury than it was a home. Each room had a secret compartment of weapons, and an exit route that led to either the garage or the woods, and the security system seemed to be engineered to withstand a nuclear war.

You had already set up a seating arrangement for them, their absence helped in getting a couple of things done, and you waited as everyone took a seat.

“Everything, from here on out, is gonna be war.”  You looked at all of them, hating the next words that were about to leave your mouth. “The whole media stint where I had you kissing babies and walking dogs, helping the needy, all that was just for the cameras. All that was just the first phase of what’s to come next. We can’t win against the Accords, we can’t win against a hundred and seventeen nations. But the people can.”

“This was never about public image.” Wanda stated, bitterness coating her words.

You shook your head solemnly. “You pissed off a lot of powerful people. They don’t care about who you are or how good your intentions—”

“They care about controlling you.” Jonah interjected. “The accords are the perfect example of that, and that’s why I had to piss them off.”

“You didn’t have to do anything.” Bucky growled at him.

“The UN ordered you shot on sight,” Jonah fired back, glaring at him, “that’s illegal and the exact opposite of what they’re supposed to be doing—”

“—Jonah had to rile them up, I told him to do so. Senate hearings are televised and public record, we needed it to have the highest ratings possible.” You added, “because, now, the senate hearing is going to turn into an International court case, where your charges will be presented before you and the court. Testimonials and all that jazz, basically the same bullshit that the Accords doesn’t afford you—”

“—which is illegal and violates a shit load of rights.” Jonah interrupted.

“From that moment forth, we present our case to the world.” You completed, eyes lingering a bit on Wanda for a moment longer.

“We’re gonna lose and go back to the raft.” She said, too sure of herself for your liking.

“The people won’t let us.” Bruce chuckled softly, shaking his head at you. The wheels were turning in his head and the pieces were finally fitting together perfectly. “That’s why you spent so much time on our public image, why you started an uproar in a senate hearing.”

Sam’s shoulders dropped at the realisation, the picture finally becoming clearer. “You’re evil.”

“I’m efficient.” You corrected, “and I don’t like losing. I don’t like it when good people are wronged, and I really hate the government enough to defame it.”

“The economy is gonna suffer, international relations are gon—” Bruce started, but you were not having any of it.

You scoffed. “The accords are a pretty way of saying slavery, so I don’t care.”

“Uh—” Bucky raised his hand slowly, “—call me old fashioned, but I’m really confused here.”

“We’re going to lose to the UN,” Wanda said, turning to face him, arms folded and face twisted in spite. “But she’s going to start a civil war within all nations, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it because people love us, and she made them think the government is evil.”

“You’re evil.” Clint mimicked Sam’s words. “You’re worse than the government.”

“Someone has to be.” You acknowledged, unashamed and unbothered.

You knew what the job description was when you signed up, and you knew the kind of soulless monster you were going to have to be when Pepper called. You left DC behind, a town of vultures, to defend people that weren’t accustomed to those vultures. It wasn’t just DC’s most elite politicians you were going against; it was the entire country; it was the entire world – nations with resources to the disposal that you couldn’t even begin to fathom. First world countries, with the means to make you disappear without a trace, second world countries with the power to make your death seem natural, third world countries that had lost far too much to care about moral code.

To win, your only weapon was to start a world war.

To succeed, your only strategy was to make the people fight it for you.

You weren’t dumb enough to think you could win against world nations. But you were smart enough to know where to hit for fatal damage.

“We’re about to face the world and call their leaders a bunch of criminals,” You finally said. “Clint, I had Happy fetch your wife and kids, they’ll be here in a few hours. Scott will be here as well, with his kid. The compound is the safest place they could be, right now. Until this is all over. Until—”

“—until they’re no longer at risk of being held, by the government, indefinitely.” Jonah added for you, “because we’re not idiots to think they’re safe in their own country. They can and they will be used against you.”

“You’re saying our government would arrest minors for crimes they didn’t commit?” Rhodes, for the first time since he sat in the room, spoke – disbelief cloaking his face.

“I’m saying they arrested Wanda, Clint, Scott and Sam for not signing a contract.” Jonah, a man you trusted with your very life, fired back without missing a beat. “Because that’s what this—” he waved the accords in the air, “—this sad excuse of a law that will never stand, is. A contract. Not a law that has been enforced, not an amendment, and definitely not legal. So, yes, I do strongly believe that a government capable of forcing an Army experiment, which resulted in the Abomination – the same government that violated Bruce Banner’s constitutional right; by illegally searching all his belongings without a warrant – is capable of arresting minors for shit they didn’t do.”

“He can tell you all about the rights and laws that the existence of the raft violates,” you said, “but that’s gonna require a shit load of coffee and a lot of ‘I told you so’s’ from Ol’ man Rogers. And that’s not something we’re all ready for.”

Wanda sat up quickly, gaining everyone’s attention. “Wait,” she examined you, something finally clicking in her head. “Those rights apply to Americans and I’m Sokovian."

You shrugged. “I pulled some strings—”

“—made an argument that you couldn’t be eligible for death penalty for treason, in this country, if you weren’t a citizen—” Jonah added.

“—because then that’s gonna be a whole international dispute, and you would be handed over to your own country for the trial—” You nodded.

“—and, man, do we hate not having blood for blood.” Jonah sighed, shaking his head. “I could name a couple of states that want your pretty little neck attached to the adios syringe—"

“—and no country is a fan of those international disputes. So—,” you pushed the green file, you had placed on the table, towards her. “—you became a citizen the moment I walked onto the compound.”

“Which makes you eligible for the same protection as everyone in this room.”

“Pure evil.” Rhodes gaped at you, completely awed.

“We can’t stop the Accords from happening, but we can sure as hell change it. From this day forward, you guys must do everything I tell you, word for word. You’re a team, what you do and how you act will affect all of us. I know what I’m doing, and I need you to trust that; trust that I can, and I will, get you through all of this. You don’t have to trust me, but you can rest easy knowing that I don’t start wars I can’t win.

“I may be evil,” you breathed, straightening your posture and making sure to look every one of them in eye. “But I’m the kind of evil you need, right now.”

There was pregnant pause, an eerie silence encompassing the entire room. “’Til the end of the line.” Bucky voiced softly, his ocean blues capturing yours in a gentleness you’ve never known.

“We’ve come this far,” Bruce said, nodding in agreement to Bucky’s declaration.

Sam shook his head. “We’re so screwed,” he whispered to Clint.

*

Pepper didn’t know your plan.

The whole thing was going to be hard enough as it was. You had arranged the empty rooms into guest bedrooms, Jarvis was rather helpful in that department, you had him direct the Avengers’ loved ones to their designated rooms. You made a list of things for Jarvis to inform them of – the basics of the compound and the PG rated reason they were there – and made sure to stock the place with every single necessity you could think, that they would need.

She would disapprove of it.

Asgard was already on standby, in the unlikely case that the Compound was compromised. You had asked their current leader, Valkyrie, for the assistance and she was more than ready to help. The Avengers were dear to Thor’s heart, so taking in their loved ones for protection was something Asgardians were more than happy to do.

She would hate you for it.

Wakanda was on standby for extraction as well. In the event that the Avengers would need an escape route, Nakia – a woman that was very pleased to know about your plan – had promised to help in any way possible. She, too, was not a fan of politicians imposing their agendas under the false pretence of enforcing the law.

“Woah, woah, woah—” Bucky gripped onto your arm, pulling you into a slow jog then a stop, “—slow down there, doll.”

You were struggling to catch your breath as you pulled your arm out of his grasp, wiping your forehead free of sweat with the sleeve of your shirt. You fanned your face, trying to find something to lean against, someplace to sit, somewhere to breathe. Because, damn it all to hell, you couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t breathe and you couldn’t think, and it was freaking you out.

“Y/N…” Bucky called out, gripping both of your shoulders and turning you to face him, “Y/N, come on, look at me.”

It’s too hot. Dammit, why is it so hot?

You tried to push him away, worming your way out of his hold, but that only succeeded in him tightened his grip.

Let go.

Molars grinding, hands fisted, you ducked out of what felt like an ironclad grip and backed away from him. You just needed to think, that’s why you went for a late afternoon jog alone, to think. The compound was too crowded; too many voices for you to focus, too many smells, too many distractions. Your room was no better, it was big enough to be a master bedroom, but it felt small – why did it feel so small?

When did it get so dark?

You tried sitting outside, thinking that fresh air would do the trick. But Bruce and Clint and Jonah were outside, talking about something… you were close enough to hear, you think you even made a comment… What were they talking about?

“Come on, sweetheart, look at m—hey, hey, I need you to look at me.”

Go away!

You just needed to think. You rubbed your throat, continuing down your path – it was your path, right? – and tried to swallow down the dryness. You must have been jogging for a while, it was getting difficult for you to see or focus on where you were going. You tried blinking, alternating between rubbing your eyes and your throat, hating that you didn’t bring a water bottle with you.

What were you missing?

“Y/N—”

Why was he still here?

You just needed a second. You just needed to look at things clearly, for his sake, for their sake. Just a second. That’s all you needed.

Safehouses were sorted, because you could never be too safe. Black folders were ready, because you could never trust the other team to play clean. Everyone’s loved ones were accounted for. So, what were you missing?

Think about Morgan.

That annoying little twinge snapped at you, in you, spreading across the left side of your chest. You didn’t even like children, so that shouldn’t even be a thought. It shouldn’t have been a thought coated in Pepper’s voice.

This is exactly why, you thought, this is exactly why I don’t mix work with friendship.

You stopped walking when you could no longer see where you were going, reaching out to find the nearest tree. You couldn’t even hear your own footsteps as you did that, you couldn’t hear anything except the loud thrumming in your ears.

There was something in the distance, some sort of movement maybe – couldn’t be sure, you chose to pass it off as nature and focused on catching your breath. Your muscles felt tense, you blamed it on the jog – because you’re a walker, not a jogger. Your lungs were aching and each gasp for air seemed to not be enough, every deep breath you tried to take felt like it was twisting your chest.

You felt something crawl up your arm, an unwelcome heat that you recoiled away from, moving away from whatever it is. You mind shouted spider and you didn’t hesitate to speed walk away from the pest, but it wouldn’t stop clinging to you, pulling at you, dragging you back with its callous clutch.

You went to flick it away with your other hand, dread settling into the pit of your stomach. “Get off me,” you couldn’t recognise your own voice, drenched in trepidation as your hand tried to swat away at the thick-skinned creature.

Another one gripped at your hand, pressing it to your chest as you began to heave in an unadulterated panic. The iron grip on your arm moved to your back, unconcerned by the fight you were putting, and you were forced into something hard.

“Shhh,” Bucky soothed, wrapping an arm around your writhing figure whilst moving his other to stroke your head, “it’s okay, just breathe.”

This wasn’t you. This couldn’t be you. His shark, his girl, his little darling, his sweetheart couldn’t be the one that tried to fight him off. You couldn’t be this shivering wreck in his arms. No… it couldn’t be you.

But it was you. He could tell it was you just by the sound of your footsteps, so he followed the sound through the trees until he found you, taking a path he knew you’d never been on before.

His shark was shaking in his arms; he could pick you out in a dark room by your smell alone, and your disorientated steps struck an intrusive feeling in him, the kind he’d felt after the snow.

His girl, in the dark and alone, too scared to even let him hold her. This couldn’t be the woman he fell in love with, could it?

“Focus on my voice, I know it’s difficult, but—” he took a breath as he tightened his grip, “—you just need to breathe. Okay? Breathe with me, doll, in and out, slowly—”

He felt you tense, felt as your thrashing turned to uncoordinated twitching, felt as you tried to focus on what he was telling you to do. It took a while before you could mimic his breathing, he didn’t blame you – figured you were just realising what was happening, and even then, your breathing was off.

“That’s it,” he praised, “that’s my girl. You’re doing so good, darling, just keep focusing on my voice—”

You could barely make out his voice, the cloud in your head was too much, but the quick thuds that were drumming against your hand – each one strong as the other – pierced through the disarray. You moved away your hand, having been placed there from your attempt to push him away, and pressed your forehead against the area, forcing yourself to focus on at least that.

This wasn’t you. This didn’t happen to you. But here you were, in Bucky’s arms, hating yourself for letting this happen.

One sense at a time, your own voice rang in your head, that’s how you’ll get back control.

You shut your eyes, tapping your finger to beat of his heart, choosing to focus on your sense of touch first – not that it was a choice. Your first instinct was supposed to be listening, but your disarrayed mind ignored his voice, and went straight for the feel of his heart against your hand. The muscle beating against his chest, something you couldn’t hear, was the only thing you were capable of recognizing in that moment.

The thrumming managed to soothe away the ache in your chest and your feet, the feel of something soft and damp pressing against the crown of your head repeatedly managed to help cool you down, all that was left was for the slight stinging on your throat to disappear – but water could fix that.

You can’t do it all at once, Stark. You remember telling Tony, his panic attack had rendered him speechless, the first of the few that had. Divide and conquer, just like I taught you.

He had listened, focused on your instructions as you helped pull him out of the deep, then pretended he had it all under control – that he could have managed just fine without your interference. You laughed, accustomed to his humour, knowing it was only a defence mechanism, then told him about how it wasn’t something to be ashamed of. You told him that it was a normal thing, a reasonable reaction, to the horrors he had seen. You told him, insisted, that it wasn’t something to be embarrassed about because it happened to the best of us.

You didn’t think you’d have to tell yourself that.

Best of us, never included you.

You were the one that got people through them; helped them cope, taught them the little techniques that they benefited from.

You never thought you would have to use them on yourself.

Next Part

[galimatios]

sci fi ya au musings from twitter thread mostly nts

maybe i do want to write YA science fiction ya with gay and all my favorite self indulgent tropes and also plugsuits

I HATE MYSELF I IMMEDIATELY HAVE SCENES IN MY HEAD . ITS BEEN TWO GODDAMN SECONDS. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THESE CHARACTERS ARE YET tjinking about those rooms in that one ep of black mirror where youcan program jt tk show whatever you want on the walls. maybe projection of virtual reality vs reality as a major motif. simulations and distance... long distance relationships during a war in space action too... have to think about an enemy but maybe we rag on capitalism a littlle maybe some conglomerate is fighting a proxy war using aliens vs the govt the protags are in the military for theme.. war sucks bye but also theres dynamics i want

UM I CAN PUT BIG MECHA INNNNNNNN YEAHHHH anyway i want 2 loyal dog dynamics to juxtapose w eachother + platonic soulmate type protag duo, best friends , one girl one boy, theyre both equally important, some SHIT happens and theyre forced on different sides at some point one loyal dog is treated well, like an equal, will follow x to the end of the world the other is Not treated well. i want to explicitly make that relationship abusive so i can point at it in the text itself and have other loyal dog be like , that's not love. abandoned loyal dog gets adopted by main duo, ends up in a relationship w one of them (whichever one makes it gay), im ship girl with side character who inspires tf out of her, sort of like. theyre competitive and the side character is light years more skilled but girl wants the challenge, wants the chase, is fueled by the prospect of catching up so "wait for me" LAYS DOWN NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS HAVE NAMES OR DESIGNS OR ANYTHING BUT IM ALREADY ATTACHED TO THESE CONNECTIONS mc pair: one techy soft boy nerd who just wants to protect his family so thats why he agreed to help develop/operate tech bc he thinks this is how he can help headstrong pilot ace girl who has no one but wants to prove herself and make a name for herself so she'll be remembered she wants to win glory for herself and comes off as super confident but actually she's just. asuka evangelion except she doesnt crash and burn so bad bc she has the boy who sees thru it, you dont have to try so hard probably happens after a fight where she's reckless hes not one to get mad but this time he's pissed bc she was exceptionally close to dying, yells at her, why do you keep trying so hard to die kinda snaps her back to reality he wants her to rely on him more bc that's what hes here for anyway loyal dog defects from enemy + meets this pair after other loyal dog suggests he joins the crew, tech boy is kind to Everyone but loyal dog FORMERLY AN ASSASSIN ???????? TYPE?? SNIPER?? develops baby crush girl sips her drink :3c

I HAVE TO THINK MORE ABOUT THEM BC OH NO THEYRE CUTE but girl is chasing after some nb femme prodigy who she's rivals with and admires for more than just her skill theyre both emotionally constipated idiots tho so its like. (hand touch) thats enough for 100 years there is. so much tension. and prodigy seems so perfect on the outside but is actually in some kind of super strict fucked up program bc of her skill, and she hated it and is suffering ace pilot is the one to barge in headstrong and fuck everything up and get her out of there girl believes prodigy is amazing. really. incredible. a part of her feels like she'll never catch up . but even so watching prodigy walk into the unknown unflinchingly resolute ... it's both sad in a way bc she's being left behind but also she wouldnt have it any other way bc she thinks forward is the only way prodigy should be facing. its what inspires her. that strength ... h they definitely settle down together in the future tho bc i need ththattt

"when this is all over" said the prodigy, "come find me" this is so self indulgent anyway plotwise once both the govt and the enemy r revealed to be equally bad the main cast defect to a revolutionary group. they will Not win within the span of the novel but theyll have a small victory, very les mis one day more flavored, and even if they did not win they stood for something they believed in, did something to try and tell the truth... also i need more of a cast so i can kill characters off nice now all i have to do is fill all this in with world building and action and stuff and ill have a novel so many sci fi things have done the 2 pilot mind sync emotional thing right so if i do the same thing no one knows if i took it from one franchise or another i need to twist it around a little but i may have ideas haha i can. totally make this a part of my fucking huge sci-fi au really wanna call main girl lane and main boy khemrin . .. i cant unsee the girl as rey flavored so shes ending up w red hair and irish, but boy is SEAsian with a huge family, loyal dog who defects is african, prodigy is asian, other loyal dog feels south american prodigy... astrid is her real name but she may have a codename fsr? idk why i feel it. icarus? assassin defector... something that starts with an o or a d other loyal dog... i need to think but i also need to figure out the personalities of their respective pairs inserts minh as evil one. done. maybe mephis adjacent character for the... no mephis doesnt care abt anyone BUT hed be a great side character OH god what if au jonah and ambrose oh boy. FUCK jonahs probably there for some special task bc hes. attuned to some shit idk

I GUESS IM GONNA DEVELOP AMBROSE MORE ive only written him as a young adult but as a teen hes angry and rebellious and got drafted, ended up being a simple foot soldier but he meets jonah and a lot changes jonah's there on top secret bullshit, same program as astrid definitely has some shit to do With Experiments. astrid has enhanced eyesight/coordination on top of being an ace combat pilot, i think jonah might be able to open up warp gates or limited pocket space mephis is evil scientist who doesnt care abt casualties

I'm thinking about unnamed pilot lesbians and i am. enamored immediately holy shit god they're both so goal oriented and focused but once the fighting is finally over they finally allow themselves to embrace the intensity of their emotions for eachother and i am fucking perishing they were essentially raised as child soldiers so it's this clumsy process of trying to figure things out for the first time, this kind of innocent but intense and blooming love between two hardened soldiers, the years of war coming away when they're together for the first time actually fuck i did name them but i'm still not sure about ace pilot girl? i want to name her lane or something monosyllable, maybe i'll revamp raine and make her this oc instead... either way i'm just. ugh. UGH. FUCK. holy shit they love eachother so much

I"M GETTING REALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF THE PRODIGY (ASTRID) DYING IN THE LINE OF DUTY or well at least goes missing, presumed dead but raine just... doesn't believe it. astrid can't die. she's too amazing. there's no way fucking. huge disbelief. she refuses? raine going on a near suicidal self-appointed mission against commander's orders to rescue her, khemrin tries to hold her back but he can't, she' fucking gone speeding off on one of the fastest scouting ships she can hijack raine finding her alive but barely conscious in a damaged cockpit floating in space for who knows how long, raine unable to open the hatch and get to her but anchors her ship to hers, NOT EFFECTIVE BUT HER ONLY REAL CHOICE w/o compromising the air seal. makes the journey back astrid barely makes it to the space equivalent of a truck stop (unaffiliated) and raine calls for backup in panic and tries her best to tend to astrid's wounds an feed her and she's fucking PANICKING but trying so hard to keep it together astrid wakes up and raine's crying i don't have anything specific its just really soft and raine never Does this god when they meet again after the war, raine running her fingers over the scar left from astrid's helmet shattering h raine in a tux and astrid dressed like a princess and raine kissing her shoe sorry im gay bye

[voxplusherizes]

April Ramble: Eye Troubles, Hair Uncertainties, and Doll Instanity

I’m gonna try to do a monthly update about stuff from now on.

So, Lots of stuff has happened. and at the same time lots of stuff ...hasn’t...happened.

Eyes:

I’ve finished Erasii’s mouth and right eye. However, my confidence with dealing with resin came back to bite me in the ass. Severl years ago, i tried to start a project where i would make large plushes (like Erasii’s size with a wildly different pattern) or all the remnants and i started with Azur. I didn’t get past sewing the arms and legs, and thats because i started on the eyes right away. I used the exact same methode as this time: sculpt an eye from polymer clay, make a mold, cast the eye dome, attach a photo of the eye behind it. Simple. easy. Lmao. Nope. I recall casting three eyes and every one of the had bubbles. every one of them was cloudy. one was very sticky. I gave up back then, and the project was since abandoned.

Until two weeks ago, where I thought i’d done enough research to know how to do it right. Except i forgot that resin has a fuckin vendetta against me i swear to god.

The first eye attempt developed holes at the dome, aka: the front of the eye. This irritated me because when i poured the resin, it was super clear for two hours before i checked it and suddenly: a fuckton of bubbles. I havn’t no idea where they came from. So i tried again (also tried to cover the first attempt in more resin after pokeing holes to the bubbles, which.....ended poorly.) and poured another cast. i watched this version religiously, and it was amazeingly clear! I thought it went perfect.....until i went to check if i could remove it after four days of letting it cure and it was still completely liquid. two extra days did nothing. Evidently, I did not stir it properly enough (i call bullshit, i stirred for three minutes. i timed it.) and i had to scoop the resin into the trash and clean the mold. by far the most agaonizeing part of this one was that it was still completely bubbleless like w h y must u hurt me.

By this point, I’m incredibly irritated. Whenever I get the measureing and stirring correct, my cast developes bubbles for no damn reason. whenever my cast doesn’t develope bubbles, it doesn’t cure. I have browsed forum after forum, video after video, did every trick i could find, fallowed the instructions to the T. and still, my resin has failed to turn out.

I am torn, honestly. I am so pissed at my inability to cast resin properly that i’m determined to keep trying to get it right. but at the same time, i’m wasteing resin and not making any imporvments. on the other side, My mom has a coworker who owns a jewlery buiseness with her husband and most of their peices use a really nice clear casting material. I’m wondering if I could ask them if they’d be willing to make me a complete eye as a commission. I havn’t any idea how they make their casts, however (i assume molds, but not sure) so i’m not sure. i’m also unsure if their casting material is a type of glass. I’ll ask about the durability of the material, and keep it as an option if everything else fails.

I currently have a third eye in the mold. i havn’t checked it since i poured it. i’m scared to, thb. i don’t want to be dissapointed.

Dragon:

On a more lighthearted note, If yall rememeber my dragon pattern from a while ago, i started on that plush. Originally i was just going to work on it until i got the rest of the stuff to finish erasii, but since his eye is taking forever and i havn’t been able to get the yarn to the correct length for his hair, i’ve gotten a lot of it done. the wings and batting inside are completely done (witht he exception of turning and sewing the finger details+stuffing) which was the largest part of the project. I started working ont he gold tail decor but i need to pull out an entire side since the peice didn’t match up properly. i was going to leave it, but i dont want her to look ugly int he end so about two hours of sewing earlier are down the drain Lol.

Hair:

Returning to Erasii, for more bad news, I’ve decided I can’t use yarn for his hair. i can’t get it long enough. I also can’t make a wig for him like i wanted to try, because i forgot his horns existed. Instead, i’ve decided to order saran hair. This....doesn’t sit well with me. I was going to try wefts this time, but i dont feel comfortable attching them dirrectly to his head. but i havn’t any idea how else to attach them either. i was thinking maybe glueing? or somehow sewing the hair directly into the head? the bangs and sides are the main ones i want to look nice since the back of erasii’s head is litterally just A Mess of short hair. I dunno. i’m ordering a crapton of hair, so we’ll see what i can do when i have it in my hands.

Dolls:

I’ve made the mistake of watching doll customizations. and i wanted to do one. except i couldnt make up my mind, and now i have three planned whoOPS

The first one is Pumpkin Pie, a pumpkin themed girl I want to make arund halloween. I have an orange body thats faceless and lacking hair bc it was from a create your own monster kit. she’s the perfect starter.

The second one was the original one i wanted to make, Nyoul. My little girly boy with a taste for cupcakes and human flesh. He was the reason i first went through the way-too-big box of dolls my mom and i bought years ago (over 500 dollars worth like srsly.) to find a duplicate to tear apart. but surpriseingly, we didn’t have any duplicates. We have three frankies, yeah, but they were all different versions, so i didn’t feel comfortable tearing any of them apart. Most unfortunately, this conundrum gave me time to lament, during which time i keep peeking at my Gooliope. She’s 17 inchs high, and i loved that size. I didn’t dare ruin her (she’s by far my favorite) so i kept an eye out for other 17 inchers. And as luck would have it, while stopping by toys r’ us the other day, I noticed one in the clearence bin. orignally 30bucks, dropped down to 15. not bad. the reason for this was because the doll (a clawdeen) was a little bit damaged. both her ears have broken bits and theres a lots of weird plastic at the seems. not so good for a child, a miracle gift from the doll gods for me. i expected to feel a little guilty buying a doll away from a potential kid, but because this one is damaged, i don’t. parents would have told a little girl to put this one back and grab another one anyway, so no harm in giving this little misfit a home x3

There are some....drawbacks, however.

Nyoul already requided heavy modification (ie: tiddy-be-gone) and now he needs even more. I was originally aiming for a frankie, since she has a lighter skin tone and no ears, since my concept for Nyoul has him as very pale. this is because his outfit will have a lot of color and having his skin be near-white would allow them to pop like on a canvase. he’s also aupposed to look like a doll, but also sickly. Cute, but not quite right. I’m going to have to cut off the ears (and boobs), and then repaint the entire body. I do feel.....gross, about doing that. it feels insulting and wrong. But if i’m going to put all this effort into makeing him, why shouldn’t i make him completely what I want?

on the upside of workin on him, I get to make a prop eventually! I love doing that! he carries a big-ass axe and long scissors.

Nyoul’s going to be a very long project. This is why I want to finish both Erasii AND the dragon before i even start him. So Clawdeen’s just chilling with her deformities for a couple of weeks Lol.

And lastly.....my ball joint doll.

Years ago, i purched a ball joint doll from someone used. I’ve always loved ball joints, but they were all too expensive. I was so excited to have a BJD at last, i developed an entire design for her that sadly failed to come to be. I had a lot of trouble as a newbie seamstress back then that i eventually gave up, and tossed her into my closet for a few....years.

and then i took her out of the closet and put her in the attic for several more years. I rescued her afew days ago, and i feel super guilty. I never even put her pants or shirt back on!

I dislike the original design i had for her, so i’ve been trying to think of what to transform her into. I was thinking about a demon popstar, so i could make horns and wings and a tail, but....her face doesn’t fit. she has a very serene sad face, lidded eyes. I’m not sure if i could paint her face to make her look more evil or mischevious or a diva. I really want to try tho. I might have to save it for another 17 incher monster high tho. i keep seeing the popstar design with highheels and my BJD has flat feet. and I can’t order new ones because they’re expensive and also i have no idea what modle doll i even have so whoops.

if i do move ahead with that idea tho, i’ve taken inspiration from Sia and Lady Gaga (and Billy Joe Cobra if i’m being embarisingly honest) especially witht he hair idea. a boxy neck length thats pure white on top, but each later under is a different color of the rainbow with some rainbow bangs. She’d also have sunglasses, piercings, tattoos, long fake nails....just so much stuff.

But its a long way before i’m confident to even try to work on her. just holding her makes me scared i’m gonna break her. (even tho i kinda already did, accidentally had to restring her legs bc i dropped a string trying to take her head off.)

Her time in the closet and attic seem to have done something to her faceup. I’ve been struggleing for the past three days to remove it (bc i want to repaint her and also the colors were ugly and she has a stupid little tear on her cheek) useing everything i could. I tried acetone first (i did a test ont he inside of the headcap to see if it’d hurt the resin) and it did absolutely nothing. so then i tried rubbing alcohol, and again nothing. i tried a magic eeraser which finally worked, but not well. i don’t want to try to buy anything else, so i’ve been dealing witht he magic eraser. i’ve nearly removed everything besides the lips, and i honestly don’t think i’m gonna be getting that lip color out of there. I’ve tried to shove some eraser into there and scrub with a toothpick and it did not do anything. I was planning on coloring her lips a dark color anyway, so meh. bonus shadeing.