#YEAAHHH dude this fucks. actually

[unknownarmageddon]

GEDDON i know this isn’t your taste probably but so american by olivia rodrigo fits kross in my eyes. i can’t not see them. help

i might’ve heard that one actually it sounds familiar but i’ve Forgotten

[luparaneo]

side mission shenanigans

I'm told IBO is a good Gundam but the fact that this is a CHILD makes me too physically uncomfortable to actually watch it

I've only had Hayato for three minutes (and I have to buy a DLC to actually use him) but if anything happened to him--

I know very little of Getter but the vibecheck on this dude is terrifying actually

what the HELL style does this remind me of, I---hm.

hehe

the 30 year anniv mission is cute actually

GET GAO'D NERD

dork.

sorry Edge I'm turning this game into All Brave Police, All the Time and you can't stop me

I won't be using these three because I don't like their bug eyes, they look like fae mimics and that I should be checking for shadows. :c

so I learned this dude was isekai'd or something and made magic robots just because he could

Yeah. yeah.

oh god one of the fae mimic chicks got to Mitsuba

...Albert Wesker? Is that you?

bro. bro are you stealing money from the government (based if true actually)

I already had kind of a headcanon going that the Huckleberry is cantankerous to pilot so I love that it was validated

YEAAHHH BIG FUCK YOU CANNON GOO

when the intrusive thoughts are making you want to trust a fart after a Taco Bell binge

"lol butthurt"

I should probably actually work on my art but I'm tired and also I REALLY wanted to speedrun to get my main man Gunmax on the squad asap <3

[lesbian-gnf-archive]

ok, so Dream is frowned upon in Brazil, kinda of. idk about nowadays, but for a while people were making mean jokes about him and stuff after the speedrun drama.

and it's all bc This One commentary youtuber (that i will not name because I know my brazilian girlies are everywhere 😍) covered the speedrun drama. but he did it in a way that suggested Dream was the villain, when At The Time no one had any information so you couldn't really get to that conclusion so quickly? like Dream hadn't even made a response yet 😭😭

and then this Guy. proceeds to never update his MASSIVE audience on the situation ever again??? and btw he had 3 MILLION SUBS at the time (and now he doubled Haha😐) which BTW an audience that doesn't speak english! so realistically not even Half of those people were going to look into it/follow the situation. in a way, his audience depended on him to know more about it (bc he was the only one talking about it) So for him to just. never say anything else was SOOO infuriating for me bc after that everyone suddenly HATED Dream and UGHHH i fucking hate that dude so much it makes my blood boil. i watched him so when I saw the video titled my stomach DROPPED and prayed to the heavens he'd be nice to Dream.

so apparently he made a tweet responding to the like, 10 people that were on his ass for it. and i never read that and can't find it anyway, but my partner said they were Reallyyyy condescending and giving "my morals are better than yours" vibes so FUCK HIMM. i hold grudges even tho it's been 3 years or something and I hope he gets cancelled again 🫶

like, obviously we know now Dream cheated so he wasn't Wrong. but the way he talked about it was so fucking weird and definitely can see why some people say he gets a sick pleasure on talking about drama. he feels a little better about himself that way ig ❤️ I know I'm being bitter but fuckkkk 😭 Dream was Loved over here

Oh wow that's crazy, yeaahhh fuck that guy idc. But also anyone genuinely mad about the speedrun are so unserious to me Cuz u think this guy is Satan bc he cheated in a video game?? Like step outside for a second.

And he rlly should have followed up if he felt the need to make a statement to begin with but I get the idea that he doesn't actually care and only wanted to talk about what was relevant

[callmesausage]

i’ve been on the internet for 12 years, never watched danganronpa. Livetumblring

dd if you dont wanna read dont click

Started at: 21:00 (aka, 9:00 pm)

guys this has started off weird, :/ seems borin but i’ll pull through

poor curriculum? rlly based it off of me school haven’t they? god

despair high school? cringe

nah this ain’t no school this is a fuckin asylum 

who's this geezer? main character? of course, he’s got blonde hair.

10/10, i bet he likes to be pegged

yh he’s a nonce 

the fuck is a hall monitor?

she’s a lesbian.

she’s in love with the lesbian

nevermind, the lesbians are in a threesome with this emo girl 

CHAD?!

Ah, it’s a Josh.

pick me girl but she’s actually a lesbian

aren’t these guys teens?

“he’s undressing me with his eyes” 

also since when did they say names under the japanese letters

o m g EMO ALERT EMO ALERT - he seems like a Reagan

ooo someone’s mysterious init 

finally, a normal character. Why is she the only one in a school uniform...

i ship them.

bro these guys are so dumb i hate all of them honestly what the fuck 

oh god, ranboo’s a- what’s this dude’s name? 

RANBOO’S A MONKUMA KINNIE

i love this bear. his stomach look at his stomach, i love it,

“Bingo! You’re here for kicksies!” PLEASE I LOVE HIM!

HOW MANY FUCKING FLIPS WAS THAT?!

all my sexual fantasies in one go. Oh god i’m gunna be so horny

you thought fwhip, wilbur soot, mythical sausage, joel smallishbeans and scott smajor were fishfuckers but i think monokuma is too

adding him to my kin list

THE MOTHERFUCKER EXPLODED WHAT THE FUCK

MONO NO PLEASE

...We don’t talk about Monokuma, no, no, no

Not gunna lie this intro kinda fire

hall monitor better die first

they’d fuck. That hair is “Narwhal”’s dick i betcha

they’re so straight, i love tall women and short man relationship

SHE’SBLUSHING SHE’S BLUSHING YESSS

YEAAHHH HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DFFIERENC OMG 

mate this fat git is evil. he’s the killer. he’ll win. he’s plannin shit

ship. 

wait why am i shipping people that will die-

she has nits.

i like emo 

main characte is adopted

yay episode 2

main ship have piss kinks

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WHY BLUE HAIR WHY NOT HALL MONITOR

psycho hairball?! don’t disrespect my boi mono like that

yeah die bitch no one likes your blonde ass

fnaf 6am sound

god i’d kill everyone in  one night these lot are pussies

i’m bored of tumlr live tweeting

[corona-the-nightcutter]

Creativity: ok dude i got an idea Me: about time Creativity: ok so remember that impulsive thought were you wanted to be a Youtuber? Me: yeaahhh... Crty: Guess what doll we’re bringing that back, draw yourself as punky and flashy as ya want Me: ok... Crty: leather jacket and all that shit... Me: i hope you are allowing refs for this today Crty: idc use a fucking base just get it done ANYWAY since ya bought those nice combat boots the other day draw some of those as well Me: Alright i can work with this... Crty: also draw the craziest makeup on yourself because let’s pretend your skin is clear for once and you have 2 hours to kill... Me: ok ignoring that roast, i’m actually starting to like where this is going Crty: good cuz now you gotta draw a dragon mask on yourself, but make sure you can see your eyes Me: what???

Creativity: DID I STUTTER?!?!?!? 

[scrumptiousdonutangel]

All :P

The meaning behind my url:

there isn’t really one

2. A picture of me:

I’ve posted enough selfies, y’all are tired of my face by now

3. How many tattoos i have and what they are:

zero

4. Last time i cried and why:

I cried yesterday just thinking about some really cute cats??????

5. Piercings i have:

just one in my ears

6. Favorite band:

Sleeping at last

7.Biggest turn offs:

someone who is rude, people who don’t know how to take a joke

8.Top 5 (books):

Throne of glass, Odyssey,  percy jackson, lockwood and co, and literally any book on psychology

9.Tattoos i want:

I really want to get a smaller version of my grandpas arm tatoo 

10.Biggest turn ons:

when someone is super dominant and/or knows what tf they want, when someone has their shit together, when someone isnt afraid to be feminine, when someone is super open about liking you a ton

11.Age:

bout to turn 18 boiiiiiii

12.Ideas of a perfect date:

honestly just chilling at home is perfect for me

13.Life goal:

make as many people as happy as possible

14.Piercings i want:

I want to get a few more in my ears next

15.Relationship status:

Single but currently talking to someone serious

16.Favorite movie:

tangled

17.A fact about my life:

it has been cat filled therefore good

18.Phobia:

heiGHTS

19. Middle name:

L (das all you gettin)

20.Height:

5′2 but ready to fight you at all times

21.Are you a virgin?

depends on your meaning of the word

22.What’s your shoe size?

like a 7 i think

23.What’s your sexual orientation?

bi/pan

24.Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

drink, but thats about it

25.Someone you miss:

My boyfriend, I haven’t seen him in like four days

26,What’s one thing you regret?

Not buying more candy as a kid

27.First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:

TOM HOLLAND

28.Favorite ice cream?

I’m allergic to dairy ;;-;;

29.One insecurity:

My bigass thighs

30.What my last text message says:

“GET IT GIRL”

31.Have you ever taken a picture naked?

no?

32.Have you ever painted your room?

nope

33.Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

no ;;-;;

34.Have you ever slept naked?

yea and i hated it

35.Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

yeaahhh…..

36.Have you ever had a crush?

boy have i

37.Have you ever been dumped?

not really??

38.Have you ever stole money from a friend?

hell nah

39.Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

friends of friends I guess

40.Have you ever been in a fist fight?

not anything serious

41.Have you ever snuck out of your house?

mmm kinda

42.Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

hahahahahahhahahahahahayesahahahahha

43.Have you ever been arrested?

nope

44.Have you ever made out with a stranger?

nahh

45.Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

yes? I do have friends you know

46.Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

yeah, but half the time i dont think they notice

47.Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?

the guy im currently seeing is actually my neighbor

48.Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

I’m homeschooled, there is no escape please send help

49.Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?

thats like every sleepover ever

50.Have you ever seen someone die?

no

51.Have you ever been on a plane?

yeps

52.Have you ever kissed a picture?

do posters count cause i think i kissed one as a joke when i was little

53.Have you ever slept in until 3?

hELL YEAH

54.Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?

missing someone hardcore rn

55.Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

most relaxing thing in the world

56.Have you ever made a snow angel?

every winter dude

57.Have you ever played dress up?

yeee

58.Have you ever cheated while playing a game?

monopoly, constantly.

59.Have you ever been lonely?

my life in one word man

60.Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?

not yet

61.Have you ever been to a club?

nope but i wanna check one out sometime

62.Have you ever felt an earthquake?

not that i know of

63.Have you ever touched a snake?

yeps

64.Have you ever ran a red light?

…maybe…

65.Have you ever been suspended from school?

again, NO ESCAPE

66.Have you ever had detention?

*cries in homeschool*

67.Have you ever been in a car accident?

yeah

68.Have you ever hated the way you look?

constantly

69.Have you ever witnessed a crime?

probably

70.Have you ever pole danced?

no but id like to learn how just for fun

71.Have you ever been lost?

i have horrible sense of direction, so a big yes

72.Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?

no, but id love to

73.Have you ever felt like dying?

very much so

74.Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

big oof, yeah

75.Have you ever sang karaoke?

fuck yeah

76.Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?

all the time, I’m really spontaneous about rule breaking too 

77.Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?

mhm

78.Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?

NOPE, at my age thats like a jail order 

79.Have you ever kissed in the rain?

no but it sounds super romantic

80.Have you ever sang in the shower?

absolutely

81.Have you ever made out in a park?

nah

82.Have you ever dream that you married someone?

you betcha

83.Have you ever glued your hand to something?

I once dropped hot glue on my hand if that counts?

84.Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?

nope

85.Have you ever gone to school partially naked?

i mean technically i guess????

86.Have you ever been a cheerleader?

no

87.Have you ever sat on a roof top?

yeps

88.Have you ever brushed your teeth?

I SHOULD HOPE SO

89.Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?

yeah… dont judge me

90.Have you ever played chicken?

nope

91.Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

no, i would murder someone

92.Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?

yeah

93.Have you ever broken a bone?

nope

94.Have you ever been easily amused?

im a giggly shit so yeah

95.Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

all the time

96.Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?

nope

97.Have you ever cheated on a test?

a spelling test when i was little

98.Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

more like when havent i

99.Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

yes

100.Give us one thing about you that no one knows.

sometimes I’ll just lay in my room with music playing and not think for a bit

[zumpietoo]

Ummm....so what you ship is Slizzy as a whore? Cuz she’s already there and has been for quite awhile, Snorty....

Since 4x18, when there were no “new” relationships yet? Got it!

Jabi are perfect for each other (Jizzy are not) and with Minkle/Tolars....errrmm they’re still better than Pinkle. I’d even, honestly, say Barfie is better than Jizzy (or VD) in its way. They have shit in common and Slizzy is way less of a dick to him.

As for “what they got out of those relationships, to these terrible ones”:

Barfie: Slizzy has somebody who she actually has shit in common with and is, interestingly, far less afraid of facing her gross evvolll....plus she gets to routinely indulge her fascism. They’re both horrible, snide, elitist dickheads, so they don’t need to pretend otherwise. Granted, there’s nothing for Slizzy to steal credit for....but, deep down? LBR, she never wanted to be a partner

Minkle/Tolars: They’re both assholes, but Pussy was always an asshole to Tinkle and Gossip Ghey is the biggest asshole in town....I don’t see Molars gaslighting Tinkle for weeks, or lording $$$ over her head, soooo.....

Jabi???? OMGGGGGGG....yes, it’s “terrible” that Tabi loves Jug, makes him feel secure and never given up on FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME IN HIS LIFE, is beautiful, kind, generous, respects him, is loyal, etc...helped him stop spiraling, showed him he did matter and was worth something, etc. She’s now helped him pick his shattered self up twice and find new, better paths both times. 

Yeaahhh.....so much better than some dumb slut who cheats, takes credit for his accomplishments, is a snotty elitist bitch endlessly making it apparent he isn’t good enough, etc. Oh and then manipulating him into still putting all her ladypain first. 

Honestly? In retrospect WTF did Jughead even “get out” from his relationship with Slizzy? 

Ummm....love how you’re confusing the actors with their characters there....and yes, Snorty, Cole and Erinn, again, DO have chemistry. You just don’t like it. Jug provides Tabs with lots of emotional support, and Douchie didn’t. He provided muscle. 

Drake? Is manipulating Slizzy---and you’re too fucking dumb to grasp that. However, if it means we don’t have to deal with dummmmm Jizzy fanfics any moar from you, I’ll be good with showing that Slizzy’s a colossal slut and bigger cheater...

Also, you want Tarchie because that would slightly excuse Slizzy AND further hurt Jughead.....oh ANNNDDD we all know you’re obsessed with Tabitha cheating on Jug for those reasons and to perpetuate your jezebel stereotype.....because you’re an even bigger racist than Racist.

There are no “upcoming break ups”, dude....or, again, did your “scuttlebutt” tell you differently? And “interacting”? Is that the GG term for “cheating”?

And to your last point? Pretty sure that is why Jug broke up with Slizzy, realiced she was wrong for him (not good enough, LBR) and chose Tabs....funny that. 

Also you find it “fun to consider” characters being further gross cheaters and hurting others? You really are the epitome of vile disgusting, aren’t you?

Oh sweet jeebus....this person’s even dumber than Scratchy....

Dude, you ship Jermin....you know nothing. Plus Douchie (KokeJ) has only ever had chemistry with dudes (and Pussy, once)----plus I thought Tabs was a lezzie, herself? 

[this-book-has-been-loved]

Of Robots and Rocketships: Chapter 2

For @platonicvldweek​ day 2: Lion / Lamb

Chapter 1

Read it on Ao3 | Read it on FFN

It was Katie who texted first.

Two days after the competition (two days of Hunk not wanting to be the first one to say anything cuz would that be seen as too clingy??) his phone went off.

Katie: hey! how’ve you been? dad said he was sorry he missed you

A thousand thoughts were running through his head. He stared at the message for a long time, mentally dissecting it, trying to think of how best to respond.

The last part especially stuck out to him, since it implied two very important things: firstly, that Katie (and Matt?) had told their dad about him--and secondly, that Dr Holt actually wanted to meet him.

Hunk took a deep breath, quelling his thoughts, before starting to type out a response.

Hunk: Hi! I’ve been pretty good, you? And I’m sorry your dad couldn’t make it too; maybe next time?

Okay. That was good, right? Open, friendly, not too eager—

He was taking this too seriously.

He flopped over backwards onto his bed with a groan. Why was this so hard?

Katie: unfortunately ‘next time’ isnt until next year unless youre going to robocup

Hunk: I don’t think so :/

Katie: boo

They went on like that a little longer, making small talk about the little things, the things they already knew about each other. After about half an hour, the conversation dwindled to a stop. And it was days before it was picked up again.

It started that way at first: brief conversations, making general small talk, testing the waters. As the months went by, they got more and more comfortable with each other; by the time winter melted into spring came around, they were texting nearly every day, about the smallest things.

Katie: what about ur dad?

Hunk: Oh actually I don’t have one

Katie: oh shoot im sorry

Hunk: No that’s not what I meant XD I don’t have a dad cuz I have two moms

Katie: OH

“So who’s Katie?”

Hunk glanced up at his mom in surprise. “What?”

She gestured towards his phone, which was sitting on the table a foot away from him while he read. “You got a text message, sweetie.”

Hunk lunged for his phone, opening the message in a rush.

Katie: random question: star wars or star trek?

“It’s that girl he met at the competition back in Flagstaff,” Mama called from the next room.

“Phoenix,” Hunk corrected offhandedly. “Flagstaff is where her school was from.”

Hunk: Aw come on, you can’t make me choose!

Katie: help me win an argument against my brother

Katie: help me obi wan kenobi youre my only hope

“Oh, you made a friend?” Mom continued. “That’s great! What’s she like?”

“Um,” Hunk mumbled, still distracted. “Well, she likes peanut butter. And peanut butter cookies? But not peanuts, she says they’re too dry.”

Hunk: I’m sorry Katie, I’m going to have to go with Star Trek. The tribbles episode owns my soul

Katie: I CANT BELIEVE THIS

“Oh!” Hunk added with a smile, setting his phone down and giving his mom a starry-eyed look. “And you’ll never guess who her dad is!”

Hunk: So...what’s up?

Katie: i am eating peanut butter by the spoonful and i couldnt be happier

Hunk: Sounds like a day well spent :P

Mid-February, Katie was in class, her phone in her lap hidden under her desk. She and Hunk only had an hour difference in time zones, but that still lead to schedule conflicts. Hunk had texted her when he got out for lunch; Katie, and hour later, was already back in class after her own lunch break.

But that didn’t stop her from continuing the conversation.

(It’s not like Mr Hedrick was teaching anything new, anyways.)

Hunk: I’ve actually been looking into the garrison application process. I’ve been wanting to go there for ages and I’ll finally be old enough this fall

Katie: !!!!!!!!!

Katie: DUDE YOU TOTALLY SHOULD

Hunk: I want to!! But the application is pretty intensive

Katie: aw come on i know you can do it

Hunk: Thanks ^_^

Hunk: What about you, are you you applying?

Katie: still too young *eyeroll* its still a few more years till i turn 16

Hunk: What??

Katie: dude im like 12

Katie: i turn 13 in april

It was a couple minutes before he responded, and Katie bit her tongue to keep herself from laughing out loud in the middle of class.

Hunk: But you’re in high school?

Hunk: I’ll be honest here, I thought we were the same age O.O

Katie: yeah i skipped 7th and 8th grade

Hunk: :O

Hunk: You’re like a little child genius or something

She stifled another laugh with a cough. She glanced up to make sure that the teacher hadn’t looked over, then went right back to her phone.

Katie: yeah thats what they told me

Katie: probably explains why this class is so fucking boring

Hunk: LANGUAGE

Hunk: Wait are you in class right now??

Katie: ....quite possibly

Hunk: Get off your phone, young lady, and pay attention!!

Katie: but i already know all thiiissssss

Hunk: Respect your elders

Katie: booooooo

Hunk: (•̀o•́)ง

Katie: omg you nerd

Katie: fiiiiine

Hunk: I’ll talk to you once you get home from school ^_^ ♥

She smiled down at her phone screen before closing out of the messages app. Part of her was tempted to just pull up something else—a book, or the web browser—but she stopped herself with a sigh. She turned off the phone, stuffing it into her back pocket.

Later.

Hunk: I just thought you were really short, I didn’t realize you were a BABY

Katie: i hate u

The Garrison application process was even more daunting when he was actually filling it out. In the past, when he would look it up online to mentally prepare himself for the day when he’d finally get to fill it out, it all seemed so easy.

But now, he was starting to think he was biting off more than he could chew.

Between the GPA requirements, the essay, the mechanical skills project, the letters of recommendation, the other essay, the entrance exam, the preliminary engineering classes—

It was a lot.

And it was especially a lot when he had to juggle all that in addition to his regular schoolwork. Hunk glared at the pre-calc textbook open on his desk until the numbers all swam together.

He groaned, slamming the book shut and leaning back in his chair.

His phone vibrated, and he reached for it blindly.

Katie: maybe a rover-type probe? like what you guys did for the comp. that was pretty good

Hunk let out a long slow exhale. The physical project was causing him the most trouble at the moment, having to prove his engineering prowess by building something all on his own. It was arguably the most important part of the application, and Hunk had no clue what to do for it.

Hunk: Yeah but if I’m going to get into the garrison then my project needs to be more than just GOOD

Katie: how about a robotic turtle

Hunk: ...why?

Katie: why not

Hunk: I can probably think of a few reasons

Katie: turtles are cool bro

Hunk: Fair enough

A weary smile had managed to break through his look of frustration. Hunk glanced back at the pre-calc book, then sighed again as he slowly opened it back up.

One thing at a time.

Katie: bro u should go to bed its 1am

Hunk: Which means it’s 2am for you, right?

Katie: yeaahhh but i drank coffee mixed with redbull a couple hours ago im good

Hunk: KATIE NO

Matt and Sam made a point to come home on the weekends, and it was an occasion that Katie relished in.

She spent her days in Matt’s room, lying on his bed and keeping him company while he worked at his desk. She had her phone open to the messages app, idly relaying her conversation with Hunk to her brother.

“Yeah, Hunk has been working on his application for the Garrison.”

“Really?” Matt asked, spinning in his office chair. “That’s awesome!”

“Yeah, he’s going in for engineering,” she continued. “I’m really excited for him.”

“Does he need a letter of rec?”

“Um, lemme ask,” she replied, already typing.

Katie: matt wants to know if u need a letter of rec

It was a bit before he responded, and she watched the typing bubble appear, then disappear, then appear again. She smirked.

Hunk: Oh my god

Hunk: We only met once, does he know me well enough?

Katie rolled her eyes, reading the message out loud to Matt.

“Psh, ‘course I do,” Matt said flippantly. “I got to see his work back at the competition, and that’s the most important part, if I’m being honest.”

Katie: dude. you guys talked for ages about engineering crap

Hunk: Oh gosh. I don’t want to inconvenience him at all.

“He says he doesn’t want to inconvenience you.”

Matt let out a long groan. “Oh come on, I’m already writing them for Alec and Luca, what’s one more? I like Hunk.” He paused, thinking. “Here, ya know what, give me the phone.” He grabbed the phone from Katie’s hands without waiting for her response.

“Hey,” she protested, but Matt merely shushed her and continued to type away.

“There,” Matt said with a smirk as he hit send. A minute later, the phone vibrated, and Matt cackled, already typing a response.

“What did you say?!” Katie demanded, lunging for the phone.

Matt easily evaded her reach. “You’ll see,” he said cryptically. “But I think I’ve gotten through to him.”

When the phone went off again, Matt let out a cheer. “Alright,” he said triumphantly, tossing the phone back to Katie. “We are a go!”

Hunk: Happy birthday!!! (＾▽＾)

Katie: im officially a teenager bitch!!

Hunk: LANGUAGE!

Hunk: Jeez Katie you’re a little baby, you shouldn’t be saying stuff like that, you’re practically an infant!!

Katie: fuck

Hunk: /_(0{}0)_\

It was the middle of dinner when her phone went off.

“Katie,” her mom scolded as the girl grabbed at her phone and opened the message.

Katie ignored her, waving her hand impatiently. “Shh, it’s important!”

“Katherine, what could possibly—”

Colleen was interrupted by Katie’s sudden squeak of excitement. “He got in!!!” she squealed.

“Hunk?” Matt asked, beaming. “That’s great!”

Across the table, Sam’s eyes had lit up. “Fantastic!” he proclaimed. “Tell him congratulations for me,” he said. “I look forward to working with him.”

“Careful,” Katie warned, already typing. “You’re gonna break him.”

Katie: dad says hes looking forward to working with you. he and matt wish you congratulations

Hunk: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hunk: Thank you!!!!!!!! ＼(≧▽≦)／

Katie: hunk.exe has stopped working

It was summer when the Galaxy Garrison officially announced the Kerberos mission, naming the daring crew of astronauts who’d be going on the shuttle, and setting a predicted launch date in September.

The announcement made every headline imaginable, national and international news, NASA, a blurb in Katie’s high school’s newsletter, and just about every online publication in existence.

Katie was doing her homework at time, her phone stashed at the bottom of her backpack. With her headphones in, she didn’t hear it vibrating, too engrossed in her chemistry work.

She had ten new messages by the time she closed her textbook and fished out her phone.

Hunk: DUDE!!!!!

Hunk: I JUST SAW THE NEWS

Hunk: KERBEROS??? THAT’S SO COOL!!!

Hunk: THIS IS SO COOL

Hunk: That’s literally BILLIONS OF MILES AWAY

Hunk: And IT’S A MANNED MISSION

Hunk: THE FARTHEST MANNED MISSION FROM EARTH

Hunk: THIS IS HISTORY IN THE MAKING OH MY GOD

Hunk: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR DAD AND YOUR BROTHER ARE GOING TO PLUTO THIS IS SO COOL

Hunk: Sorry for spamming I’m just REALLY EXCITED

She laughed, carrying her phone and her laptop onto her bed where she could stretch out more comfortably. She flopped over onto her back, holding the phone above her face.

Katie: oh did that get announced today???

Katie: theyve been planning for months im so jealous

Hunk: Aaaaaaa this is all so exciting!

Hunk: I’m just

Hunk: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Katie: same

Katie: kerberos must be so cool

Katie: hunk lets go to outer space

Hunk: Let’s do it

Garrison cadet move-in day was in mid-August.

She got his room assignment from her dad. He’d been more than happy to check the student records for her and send her a quick message with the hall name, floor, and room number.

Katie, not even 13-and-a-half, much too young to be one of the students moving in today, walked confidently down the halls, weaving in and out of parents and students.

Presently, she heard his voice up ahead, coming out of one of the many open door. An excited grin spreading across her face, she ran the last few yards to his room. Bracing her hands on the doorframe, she stuck her head into the room, shouting, “Surprise!”

Inside the room, Hunk yelped as he whirled around in shock. As soon as he caught sight of her, his guard dropped and he broke into a smile. “Katie!” He tackled her in a bear hug, lifting her off the ground.

Katie laughed. “It’s so good to see you again!”

“What are you doing here? Wait, no, stupid question.”

She giggled. “I came in with Dad and Matt. They went to do professional officey things, like boring adult paperwork or whatever.”

“Ah, the worst part of adulthood,” Hunk said, nodding sagely. “Don’t worry, Katie, you’ll understand when you’re older.”

She elbowed him. “Shut up.”

He laughed for a moment, and Katie realized that he wasn’t the only one in the room. Standing bemusedly by the closet was a woman who looked so much like Hunk she could only be his mother. She had a gentle smile on her face as she watched the two of them.

Hunk followed Katie’s gaze, and his eyes widened. “Oh, this is my mom,” he said, gesturing to the woman. “Or, well, you know. One of them.”

“Hi,” Katie said, holding out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs Garrett.”

“Please, call me Lani,” the woman said, shaking Katie’s hand. “It’s lovely to finally meet you, Katie. Hunk has told me so much about you.”

“Good things, I hope,” Katie said, casting a dry glance at Hunk. He stuck his tongue out at her, and she stuck out hers at him.

“Only the best,” Lani reassured her with a wink.

“So how have you been?” Hunk asked. “It’s so good to see you! We should, like, hang out at some point and catch up.”

“Oh!” Katie interjected. “Mom told me to invite you guys over for dinner,” she added.

Hunk gasped, and Katie could have sworn she saw stars in his eyes. “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously,” she echoed. “Please?”

“Yes! Absolutely!” Hunk cried. He looked over to his mom. “Right? That’s okay?”

Lani smiled at her son widely. “Of course, sweetie. I’ll go find Kiana.” She squeezed Katie on the shoulder as she walked past her to head out of the room.

“Dinner,” Hunk breathed. “With Doctor Samuel Holt.”

She snorted. “I promise you, he’s a normal person. Just kind of a nerd. But hey, I mean, so are you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Katie.”

Hunk: The Kerberos launch is only a couple weeks away, omg

Katie: i knowww im so jealous

Katie: i might just stowaway on the shuttle tbh

Hunk: That sounds potentially life-threatening, please do not

Hunk watched the Kerberos launch live on TV.

They’d only allowed family to watch from the ground, and though Katie had offered to try to sneak him in, he’d declined. Instead, he watched it on the massive projection screen that the Garrison had set up for students.

In some of the camera shots, he could make out the tiny purple-clad figure of Katie on the observation deck, standing beside her mother.

“This truly is a momentous day in human history,” the newscaster was saying. “If successful, the Kerberos Mission will mark the farthest that anyone has traveled from Earth. We’re making history here, folks.”

The launch was glorious. With a blast of fire and a cloud of smoke, the shuttle took off, the cameras trained on it all the way out of the atmosphere, until it was just a tiny speck against the blue of the sky. The crowd gathered in the Garrison commons room let out a cheer. Hunk’s roommate, an aspiring pilot named Lance, propped his elbow on Hunk’s shoulder.

“That’s gonna be us someday,” Lance told him with surprising conviction. “Seeing the stars, traveling to worlds never before seen.”

Hunk smiled. “I can’t wait.”

Hunk: Oh my god

Hunk: Katie I’m so sorry oh my god

Hunk: Are you okay?

Hunk: Sorry, stupid question

Hunk: Can I do anything to help?

Hunk: Katie?

✓ Read 11:17 PM

[thatweirdmod]

Beriphitar's Pillage 4: New Man

Beriphitar's Pillage Chapter Four

"Oh I'm a mess right now- inside out. Searching for a sweet surrender, but this is not the end. I can't work it out. How?"

Sorry, Ed, but thanks for Sheeran your lyrics.

My teeth are grit both against the cold, and in rage. I have thousands of dollars, and more gold than the bums around me have ever seen in person. However, I can't even use it to buy a warm bed for the night for fear  of being noted or tracked.

No, instead I'm hiding under a highway bridge  with the homeless- broke-legged rats on the outskirts of society's race.

I have fond memories of before, when I went out with a couple of buddies and we terrorized these types of tattered skin bags with baseball bats, piss, and spiked drugs. Imagine how; it doesn’t take much.

Now, I'm among their numbers. I sit with my legs tucked to my chest, and the hood of my thick brown hoodie covering my lowered head.

There are some guys around the corner that I don't trust. I'm waiting for them to leave  before I settle in to sleep. The car would be safer, but in the movies at least, I see lawmen checking on people in their cars late at night too often.

My cushion is a plush sleeping bag that I gave 15 dollars to a toothless brown woman to go and pick up for me.

I said I’d add another 5 to fuck her, but she got all pissy and started going, “No no no, don’t disrespect me. I don’t do that kind of thing.” The stupid bitch was almost too upset to even get the sleeping bag- made me cajole her.

At least it all worked out, because my first night in the elements without the bag was... well  it would be weird to say "hellish", but it damn well sucked.

The teeth of the cold bit away the few moments of gentle peace that I'm usually allowed per day in sleep. Shivering on the bare concrete and clutching myself like a long lost lover, I could barely even feel the sweater on  my skin. Before, I'd thought that teeth only chattered for expression in books and comics.

If you’re wondering why I was freezing, then wasting time begging a sour old street rat to run an errand for me, it’s because I don't go into stores to buy anything anymore. Every interaction puts me at risk of being reported.

I won't put too much faith in my new beard's ability to  disguise me. Besides, I can usually convince other homeless to run  errands, and even to pump my gas into containers and bring it to me.

The gun I bought from one of the hidden street vendors helps to insure that they think twice before trying to cheat me, or trying to jump me and steal my stash. After that, they must at least suspect that I'm a criminal.

However, when it comes down to passing up honor, or passing up the money to buy basic necessities and/or drugs, they always choose the former.

The kind of pleasure that honor gives you comes from within, in your mind and heart. Life has given these people so much torment that they find it best to kill the parts of them that feel and think with drugs and alcohol.

They are base, without hope and future, living in the immediate and the material, and chasing the pleasures thereof. So of course they would choose the former.

I change spots regularly, however, so that I don't start getting a reputation as the loaded guy who hangs around such and such area. Groups might catch wind and gang up to split my wig and my wealth then.

As you  may have gathered, I'm even farther north than before. I'm actually farther than I intended to go before.

I am a rich, wayfaring danger, traveling through this world alone. There will be murder, rape, and anger in that cold land to which I go. I'm going there to start all over. And I'm going there no more to roam. I'm only going over borders. I'm only running far from home now.

Ooohh.  Dark clouds gathering above me. I know my way's rough and steep. And  escape and freedom lie just beyond me. And I know my way's rough and  steep. When I go there I'll be a bother. No lesson learned to call my own. I'm only chaos plaguing order. I'm only finding a new home now.

In my sleeping bag, I dose off to the ceaseless whoosh vrrooom of traffic, and the little song playing in my head. Now how many people do I need to apologize to?

Mid morning the next day, I'm doing the best I can to keep my hygiene up in  a bacteria encrusted public restroom.

When the bum behind me finishes pissing and leaves without washing his hands, I take out my wallet and pocket knife. I pull out my driver's license, library card, and all my credit and debit cards, deface them by scraping them, chop them up, and toss them in the bin.

I don't know  if this is the best idea, but it's kind of a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. If I get caught driving without a license, I could be arrested. But if I show the license, same deal.

At least now I don't  have to worry about leaving a definitive link to myself if I ever lose my wallet around here.

Nothing to lose by getting rid of the cards, since I've abandoned my bank account. I don't need books from the library either, unless they have a step by step guide in there about how  to escape from the law in 100% of situations.

I leave, get in the little car, and review how to get to my next destination on a gas station map. The little dot where I was born festers about 100 miles east, and a little farther south of the Ligerdian border than this place.

I heard that the border is little more  than a 7 foot tall fence, with guards few and far between. You know how  I said that my drug farm was legal where I lived? Well, it isn't on the  other side of that fence.

There have been more than a few complaints by Ligerdian citizens concerning the fact that running contraband from here to there is so easy. But, the tax dollars never seem to have found their way down to the border. Probably got caught on the lining of some  politicians' pockets.

Hey! ���from here to there.”

A plant there was, a plant, a plant. All green and nine points in its leaves. Three years in jail and a beating there. They’ll cuff and search you in the bare. But sweet it is to ease your cares, with the scent of weed up in the air.

From there to here, from here to there. All light and sweet and fragrant the air. I smell the smoke of weed over there. The weed, the drugs, and not a care.

I turn on the radio to a station playing chill music, and start driving. Tired of hiding as a wanted, homeless man in my own country, but getting caught in Ligerdia as an illegal alien could wind me up ass-fucked for good. The bottom line is, I need a new identity.

I knew another person before I left where I'm now going again. Kids used to buy fake identification cards from him, so they could drink and get  blue balled at strip clubs.

I wouldn't call his quality top tier, but if I could get one of those, it would grease my wheels. I need more from  him than just that, though, and more than I'm positive that he can provide.

I need a new social security number, birth certificate, and driver's license. If I can get all that, perhaps obtaining an official, legal, Ligerdian passport will be possible. Or perhaps I should just ask him to forge one of those too, so I don't have to worry about being snagged by their authorities. Decisions, decisions.

About two hours later, I'm driving down a street at 30 mph, again taking in the   grossly familiar sights of the dank, unassuming town of Drundam. The   aversion had already begun to build in my chest from 20 miles away, and now I feel nausea coming on. I never wanted to come back here.

I keep driving until I reach a rickety, two story house in a neighborhood. People like the ones who live here always seem to have a liking for cheap, bright colors.

This resulted in the rows of houses around me dressed in faded greens, pinks, purples, and oranges. Their skeletons underneath are precarious with rotting planks. The one I'm pulling  up in front of is light blue, just like the stain of it in my memory.

I step out of the car and take a tentative breath of cold air, smokey from a nearby factory. The whole place is bathed in cloud. An icy drizzle falls from the heavy grey above and into the pale fog beneath.  

The moisture darkened street is deserted, with most people out at work or school. I walk up to the house and knock on the door. No answer. I knock again, and wait.

The dude finally answers. He hasn't changed much. He still wears torn jeans, and a shirt not fully buttoned with curly brown chest hair bursting out at the top.

"Tell me I ain’t seein’ this," he says as he looks me over sourly.

"You're just seeing me, and I'm about to be a paying customer."

"Yeaahhh, I don't know about that. I saw the news."

When I frown he says, "Oh, don’t be surprised. What you did... that ain't no little local story. That shit spreads."

I cut to the chase. "If you're going to talk, maybe I should come in so that no one sees me at your house."

He shakes his head and sighs, then jabs his thumb towards the inside of the house. "Against my better judgement, alright kid."

I cringe. I don't appreciate being called "kid", not after everything I've done. I enter and close the door behind myself.

"Look," Uorthem says with pointed sternness, "I'm not in for any bullshit." He lifts up his shirt, punctuating his point with the gun tucked into his waistband. "Tell me what you want. If you got the money, and I can do for it, then we do business. Otherwise, you  get the fuck out, and I mean out of town too."

"I need a new identity- the full package. Short of plastic surgery, I'm a whole new man as far as the world is concerned."

Uorthem thinks for a bit, then moves his head in something between a shake and a nod. "That's gonna take some time."

"How long are you thinking?"

"10-14 days. It's a process."

I don't care for that, but this much is still promising.

"And I won't do it for less than $10,000."

That's shaving off a chunk from my winnings, but it's affordable.

"We have a deal, then," I tell him.

I turn to leave, but he says, "Wait."

Dammit.

I hear a zipper behind me.

"Momma always said I shouldn't poke feral dogs or test crazies, but I figure if you didn’t know to do what was best for ya when the rubber hit the road, you wouldn'da made it this far."

I turn back to see Uorthem's long manflesh hanging stiffly from his light, worn jeans.

"You ain't got much of a choice, do you?"

I stay in my place, and raise my eyes from his wrinkly, slightly mottled penis, and up to his face. My expression is blank, but tight.

"What're you waiting for? Get down there boy."

I kneel on the tiled floor, and carefully take his warm member in my hands. I force my clenched teeth apart, and begin a pattern of sucking, licking and rubbing.

I don't know why he smells like stale beer here. He hardens fully as I work, and moans deeply.

"Ohh, ahh yeah. Ya know, I hate it when they act like they never handled dick before. Men know what a man likes. You get it."

He digs his rough hands into my hair and forces my head farther onto his cock. I choke, but regain my rhythm with his dick farther down my throat.

He's so big in my mouth. Between his size and the overpowering smell akin to old beer and bleach, I'm nearly suffocating.

"Almost there... uuhhghahh. Suck like your life depends on it, 'cause it just might."

He blows down my throat. I try to pull off of his penis so I can swallow properly, but he holds my head there tightly until he finishes spurting every last drop. My mouth is filled with the unpleasant taste. He lets me go, and I pull away coughing and panting.

"Hmmph, ohhhhh," Uorthem groans in satisfaction, stretching his back. "Now go on, get your ass outta here."

I walk out, staggering a bit, and slam the door behind myself. My face is red with shame and anger, but this is still the new beginning.

The rising voice in my head that has telling me to give up since before I   even started has gotten quieter. It's still there, but to it I say, "Not yet."

I probably shouldn't just be standing out in the open like this, but I like the view. I've driven down to the rocky strip of beach that overlooks the choppy, cold sea.

This sea touches far fairer lands than this, the people of which are likely unaware that farther north, their blue waters turn grey, and lap at the edges of a sickly little world.

I stand looking out over the water, perhaps resembling Koume. I'm not yet sure what understanding she came to, but I'll gather the wind under my  wings and soar across a sky of my own color.

[officialvneckvigilantes]

literally all of the asks. i dare you do it

wait... for real? gee, i mean thanks i really appreciate it but i feel bad for everyones feed now1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? probs something cheeky like "so, come here often?" or somethin like that2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?¯\_(ツ)_/¯3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?nope its their life4. Is your last name longer than six letters?nope5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?uhhh in between?6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?yeppppp like most of the time7. What does your last received text say?"oh shit dill! yooooo"8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?bruh its been a while idk maybe like a handful?9. Where was your last kiss at?someones dorm10. When is the last time you saw your sister?literally at work this morning lol11. What do you drink in the morning?juice or excellence12. Where did you sleep last night?alone on my futon13. Do you think relationships are hard?no but ya gotta put in the effort yafeel?14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?yeaahhh15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?no but id just rather not16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?sunny17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?yea18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?i like jeans but no pants is best pants19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?i fucking hope omg20. Does anyone like you?i think so amd i hope they do21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?nope22. Is the last person you kissed gay?nah 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?maybe my old dormmate from scad but even that i can get over24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?yeah i want constellations on me25. In the past week have you cried?nah26. What breed was the last dog you saw? pitbull + something (idk what my dogs mixed with)27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?out like why tf would i dry off in the wet shower 28. Have you ever kissed a football player?no29. Do you think you’re old?this is based on perspective and you know that. 30. Do you like text messaging?yeah i think its a nice casual way of keeping in touch31. What type of day are you having?a pretty good one32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?maybe but idk man33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?warm weather is fun for summer but i want snow in wintert goddammit34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?yeah35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?relationships have much more meaning but honestly thats up to the gal i just really want affection at this point36. Are you a simple or complicated person?uhhh im kind of a wildcard so who fucking knows theres a lot going on37. What song are you listening to?the radio rn but recently it was learn to fly by foo fighters38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?yeah of course39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?i dont think i even know almost everything about me tbh40. What made you start liking the person you like now?WOW what a question uhh cute/gorgeous? funny? personality? has shown affection/interest in me? like what more do you want???41. When did you last receive a text message?9:34 group chat 3:55 text42. What is wrong with you right now?wow thats a loaded question so next43. How well do you know the last female you texted?we kinda just met so theres still a lot to learn but so far kinda well44. Does anyone disgust you?people who dont show consideration for others or the environment45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?hell yes46. Are you in a good mood right now?yeah id say so47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?my parents?48. What color shirt are you wearing?black v neck, baby49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?no i dont think so50. Anyone you’re giving up on?nah i dont think you should ever give up on anyone51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?no. not even a little bit52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?no53. Do you like rain?yeah its real relaxing 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?no way i can make her cool drinks!55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?like 90% of them omg 56. Do you like to cuddle?uhhh who doesnt?57. Are you shy?in some situations but people always tell me im really social 58. Do you get along with girls?yeah idk why59. Have you dated the person you texted last?no? 60. What do you carry with you at all times?phone, wallet, keys 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?yes whats more haunting than student loans 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?yeah and i would really want to 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?nope 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?yesssss65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?yeah. like a lot of cute shit66. How old are the last three people you kissed?well now youre asking if ive kissed three whole people67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? uhhh68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? leopard print reminds me of early 2000's mall rat ladies so dear god no69. Do you have any stickers on your car? yeah from all the schools i attended70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? idk man does it really matter?71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? i like apples ui and the simplicity but ive been using android for the past couple years. just got the s8 and its great. 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? last week?73. Do you like diet soda? eh. dont like dont hate74. What color are the walls in your room? 3 are tan one is black75. Are you 16 or older? yep76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? nope77. Do you have a job? yep catch me at that bed bath and beyond life 78. What are your initials? ztf79. Did you ever have braces? yeah it kinda sucked80. Are you from the south? no81. What does your last status on facebook say? "sinners." in reply to a mountain of cardboard boxes in my old dorm82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? yeah83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? probs my dad84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? i did gymnastics when i was a wee lad85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? dude idk im just pumped for cars 3 midnight release86. Do you smoke? nah87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? ew88. Is your phone touch screen? wow 200889. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? it kinda just does its own thing and i love it for that90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? yeah91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? pool for swimming, lake for canoeing92. Have you ever made out in a car? woah yes and theres a big story behind that lol93. …Had sex in a car? not like full sex but hand stuff yea94. Are you single or in a relationship? as single as the last 20 years of my life (very)95. What were you doing last night at midnight? watching the office i think96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? new years but i got a bunch that i wanna light97. Do you like the camera on your phone? yeah it great for snapshots and convenience but ill always prefer my dslr98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? ...like healthcare? no99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? nah 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? i dont hate anyone so no101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? if i was pregnant i wouldnt be the only one who was scared102. Name your favorite Kesha song: why103. Do you have any tan lines right now? HA no im white as fuck but maybe in the summer ill burn up some color104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? for realsies or for fun? cuz yes to eitherthanks again for asking me!! i appreciate it a whole lot!

[askmyboys]

Samael Galloway and Phobos Bates

Name: Samael Galloway | Nicknames: Sam/Gallows | Gender: Male | Age: Unknown | Species/Race: Human??? I mean- he sure don't act like one lmao | Height: 7'3" | Occupation: Mortician/Undertaker (whatever ya wanna call that) | Hair Color: Dark Brown (his hairstyle isn't very prominent, his hair is just thin and long and covers his eyes most of the time) | Eye Color: Dull Gray | Appearance: He wears a long black leather trench coat with a simple black shirt underneath it, he also has a long gray tie he wears along with the outfit as well, and of course he wears some black pants- (no, he doesn't wear all black just bc he's a mortician- he legit just likes the color more so than anything else), he wears a black homburg hat, he also of course wears black combat boots, annd he's got black leather gloves he wears as well (not fingerless), and to get this outta the way- he's got a circle beard- he doesn't... actually ever wear anything else much, that's his main attire like constantly- | Personality: woo boy here comes the hardest thing to explain... I will say he's cold and the epitome of evil essentially- to every one of the townsfolk and well- every being that's come in contact with him will say that, he isn't one to be messed with, he doesn't like people at all in the slightest and will only tolerate them for business purposes, he IS a mortician/undertaker after all, there's only one person he seems to not mind in the slightest- and that would be the Pallbearer that he works with, he is the only one Samael lets stay around, when he desires he can be pretty sick, twisted, and definitely cruel- He despises how many people try to snoop and spy on him to see what he's up to, he definitely believes the whole "curiosity killed the cat saying" and takes it v e r y literally, he isn't a talker- he's silent 99% of the time but when he needs too he WILL speak (tl;dr: Cold/Epitome of evil to most people but I mean what can they REALLY do, they have no actual proof he does evil things, he's also the only mortician/undertaker around so yeaahhh, he isn't one to be messed with tho- and their not wrong, will tolerate people but only for business purposes and nothing more, he doesn't seem to like anyone but the Pallbearer he works with and he can and will tolerate, when desired he can be sick/twisted/cruel, he h a t e s people trying to spy on his work or what he's doing when no one's around, takes curiosity killed the cat p literally in a way, doesn't speak 99% of the time but can if he needs, has absolutely killed a few people himself, DEFINITELY buried people alive before, he seems to enjoy the death and the sounds of grief as edgy as that sounds its true) | Side Facts: god- he's gonna sound so edgy but he's supposed to be this scary, creepy, disturbing dude- so anyways, he also enjoys building caskets- its actually fun to him to build these and to know he's either going to put someone who's dead or alive in here, something about that is... Satisfying to him, oh he also sleeps in a casket he built personally for himself- the inside is a dull gray cushion-y like material, meanwhile the outside has a rustic wood texture and it looks pretty scratched and beat up actually (its also a very dark brown/umber-like color), he also usually hangs around his little Cemetery in his spare time, going around and looking at the graves and the souls he's put to rest there essentially, he doesn't actually do much in his spare time really- he doesn't even go out into the town much himself unless the pallbearer is accompanying him even then, sometimes if its simple enough- he'll legit just send the other to go get the stuff he needs. and btw- while I'm at it- here's the fuckin Pallbearer's desc | Name: Phobos Bates | Gender: Male | Age: Unknown | Height: 5'2" | Occupation: Pallbearer | Species/Race: Human? He also doesnt fucking act like a human | Hair Color: Pitch Black with gray on the sides (slicked back hair) | Eye Color: Lava Gray | Appearance: Phobos usually wears a black suit with a white vest and underneath- oh and he's got a matching tie to go with his outfit, matching black pants and some rather fancy looking shoes to match as well, he mostly just has suits for his attire, all dark colors (he knows Samael cant stand bright colors or anything really colorful in general, so he keeps his outfits white, gray, and black), even the clothes he sleeps in is nothing special- just dark colored pajamas n such, and again to get the simple part out of the way- he's also got a circle beard as well, he's got no scars but he does have very dark circles under his eyes n such. | Personality: Has high respect for his mortician and is very loyal and honest to him, I wouldn't say its out of fear at all, he just legit holds high respect for this being... He's seen the pure evil, hatred, and all other dark things in this being's eyes, he's not even sure Samael is human himself, it wouldn't surprise him if he wasn't, truth be told, if Phobos REALLY wants he can definitely be just as dark as Sam can be, just as evil, he isn't afraid to do any dirty work either, while he knows not to step out of line and will usually let Samael do stuff unless given specific command to do so himself, he's like a lackey in a FEW ways, he's always the one to tell Sam that "there's someone who has gotten a l i t t l e too curious about us..." he knows that if Samael REALLY wanted, he could easily be disposed of by this being, he isn't got the strength or anything to stop him, but honestly... He probably wouldn't even try to anyways- he is THAT loyal and dedicated to this being (tl;dr: has high respect, loyalty and honesty towards his mortician, its not out of fear either, he's seen the pure evil, hatred and god knows what else just by looking into Samael's eyes which he doesn't see very often due to the other's hair usually covering his entire face p much, he CAN and WILL be just as dark as the mortician can be and isn't afraid to do any dirty work either, he just doesn't want to step out of line and usually lets Samael handle things unless given a specific command, he's sorta like a lackey, knows if Samael desired he'd be killed in a heartbeat but he wouldn't fight back or try to stop him solely out of loyalty and dedication, the one to alert Samael to intruders essentially, he does have some degree of control around the place I mean he IS the pallbearer and he WILL do his duties as well) | Side Facts: Like a Pallbearer typically will, he rolls the caskets out when necessary n all that, im too lazy to type up all what a pallbearer does rn but you get it im sure- anyways, Samael actually built him a casket as well which at first... he won't ever deny, it DID unnerve him but it turns out, Samael told him its a bed, and then showed him the inside which was pearl white cushion-y material, much like his own except for the inside color and outside color (outside color is black), Phobos of course did feel honored that Samael would even do such a thing for him ((listen, ok- I know he only tolerates Phobos but he's not going to let his Pallbearer fucking sleep on the ground or some shit)), they practically live in their little funeral parlor or whatever you wanna call it and the graveyards, like Samael- he does also actually hate people who snoop around, he just wants these pesky people to leave him and his mortician alone, he knows how mad Samael gets at them and he really can't blame them, after all- nobody likes a person sneaking around their property... Phobos is, again, he is usually the one doing the talking both for business and if he lures someone to Samael himself n all that jazz, he's also the one who mainly goes out into town to get supplies or things they both may need, he has only heard Sam speak a few times, maybe even only once or twice in his life and every time he hears that voice, even HE can't help but shudder, its so... unnatural sounding for a human voice, so deep and even raspy at times...