#Wesper own my heart

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Did someone say Wesper coded songs by indie artists who deserve more attention? Probably not but I’m going to give you some anyway

See the Kanej version here and the Helnik version here :)

Will I Find My Home - Acoustic Version by Juniper Vale, Vian Izak - “I left the nest when I was far too young, never set my flight for the sun” “are you worth getting lost over love? If I offer myself will you lift me up? Are you worth letting into my heart? If I go and get caught will I fall too far? Will I find my home, will I find my home? My home in you, home in you” “Be my place to land when I’m tired, when my feathers are burned by the fire, I surrender myself to your arms just hold me tighter”

I Hear A Symphony by Cody Fry I have an edit to this posted if anyone wants to see it - “I used to hear a simple song that was before you came along, now in its place is something new I hear it when I look at you” “perfection is so quick to bore you are more beautiful by far our flaws are who we really are” “you took my broken melody and now I hear a symphony”

Dandelions by Ruth B - “And I’ve heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime, and I’m pretty sure that you are that love of mine, ‘cause I’m in a field of dandelions wishing on every one that you’d be mine” “I see forever in your eyes, I feel okay when I see your smile”

Burning Pile by Mother Mother - “All my money been a long time spent, on my drugs, on my rent, oh my saving philosophy it goes one in the bank and the rest for me” “all my troubles on a burning pile all lit up and I start to smile, if I catch fire then I’ll change my aim, throw my troubles at the pearly gates” “renaissance man, sailed away and he never came back again”

I think this is the list for now but I’ll add more if I think of them, I seem to have less for Wesper than the others which is a shame, but if anyone has more please feel free to add them!!

[chaoticandsleepdeprived]

Sure, Kanej, Wesper and Helnik are great shipnames but have you considered Crowknife, Demoshooter and Heartwolf?

[tryingforthedelicatehopeofitall]

It's a new day and I still cannot stop thinking about that wesper scene!!!

I am trying to focus and carry on with the day but all I can think about is how in Jesper's nightmare/flashback which was essentially a sweet dream where he got to meet his mom again and she was so proudly telling him how Jesper was a natural and he would turn spoons into rings and coins into keys ... AND THEN JESPER USED A COIN TO MAKE THE KEY FOR WYLAN!!!!

Jesper is actually no longer hiding what makes him special. He is sitting with his lover in his bed and having a heart to heart and doing magical stuff 🥹

*twinkling sounds when Jesper makes the key*

And then the way Jesper is flustered when Wylan thought the key is a coat hook and started overthinking his sweet gesture (he is so me!) 🥺

Wylan saying “that is the kindest thing that anyone has ever done for me.” with his starry eyes filled with surprise, gratitude, hope and perhaps even love (?) 🥹🥹🥹🥹

They are so used to having their armour up but in that moment they are just fearlessly themselves and trusting each other with their vulnerability. I am going to actually cry now :'",,) <3

God I love them and their love so very much!!! 🥺💙💜💖🫶🏼

I wonder if one day Jesper would again turn a spoon into a ring. Only that time it would be the most beautiful ring to ever exist because it's literally crafted with love for someone just as lovely and beautiful 🥹

[heartrender6]

i love jesper sososososo much. with all my heart. he means everything to me.

BUT HOLY SHIT I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM FOR THE WAY HE TREATED KUWEI.

kaz was pretty awful too but like that's just kaz so I'm not as upset by it. jesper was just mean.

Even when he's saying something not inherently mean to him. like his tone is so belittling it makes me wanna GAASFAHSHDAS

and like, i can forgive the teasing i guess, because that's kinda how jesper talks to everyone, including wylan. (it's a little different since kuwei is literally their hostage and they shut him in a tomb for weeks and then tried to sell him so kuwei probably wants nothing to do with them at that point, but he does end up having kinda a crush on jesper so maybe he didn't mind idk).

BUT OH MY GOD. when jesper said "those shu soldiers can smell us. YOUR father made that possible" I WANTED TO PUNCH HIM. kuwei watched his father die in front of him. parem was an experiment meant to help kuwei hide his powers. and then kuwei got dragged off and kept in the ice court for god fucking knows how long and was forced to make the formula for a drug that would massacre his own people. Jesper knows all of this and still decides to say that. As i said I love jesper but that moment makes me so mad at him.

then later in another jesper chapter, he internally says "The sooner Kuwei got on that boat, the better. The tomb was starting to feel crowded." KUWEI DOESNT WANNA FUCKING BE THERE?? literally leave him alone wtf did he do to you.

then in the entire black veil scene, jesper responds to almost everything kuwei says with some little dig at the fact that kuwei's dad made parem and everything is kuwei's fault to the point where kuwei is basically begging jesper for understanding and jesper dismisses him like annoyingly easily. I felt for kuwei so hard reading that scene. I wish we got at least one chapter from his POV just to know how he's feeling.

mostly i think jesper is just projecting his internalized grisha-phobia onto kuwei which i get is part of his character growth and stuff but it's just so unfair to kuwei. all kuwei is trying to do is relate to him and find some common ground on some level but jesper just acts like such a jerk. and when he kisses him and then just runs of and leaves him there... that was,,, like im not gonna act like jesper was 100% in the wrong for that situation because he wasn't but he definitely could have handled that situation better.

He also is probably doing it to impress kaz too because there's a lot of moments where the 2 of them gang up on kuwei like middle school playground bullies. Those parts probably infuriated me the most, because like... you kidnapped him. obviously he's still in a better situation than the ice court but i would at least expect jesper to have some sympathy.

but one thing that really gets me is how the fandom acts like wylan and kuwei are enemies and like, wylan despises kuwei. that's just so out of character for everyone involved. wylan and kuwei are the closest to being actual friends than kuwei + anyone else. jesper is the one who hates kuwei. I hate when people project their kuwei hate onto the crows but at least do it to the one who's actually shown being mean to him. when wylan said that "push you in the canal" thing he was running on broken ribs, a dead friend and like a half hour of sleep so he would have said that to literally anyone.

this was a really messy and unstructured tangent but i just really needed to get this out there. lmk your thoughts

[newtness532]

"all i wanted in the world was just to tell you about it and squeeze your hand" excuse me while i die

[reonnex]

The infantilization of book!Wylan and show!Wylan really needs to be looked at.

This isnt a call out, or trying to hate on anyone, just an overall thing I've seen throughout being in this fandom

In the books while Wylan is a child he is also 16. People underestimate him into innocent and even younger. And while he is naive, this does not make him innocent. He has his own morals, own judgment that havent been ripped away from him yet. He is just trying to survive.

People use the "we could wake them up line" a lot snd I agree! But to also look at the full lines as well

Wylan gestured to the guards. "Is it safe to leave them, you know-"

"Alive? I'm not big on killing unconscious men."

"We could wake them up."

"Pretty ruthless, merchling. Have you ever killed anyone?"

"I'd never even seen a dead body before I came to the Barrel." Wylan admitted.

"It's not something to be embarrassed about," Jesper said, surprising himself a little. But he meant it. Wylan needed to learn to take care of himself, but it would be nice if he could do it without getting on friendly terms with death."Make sure the gags are tight."

This isnt him being ruthless. Its him being logical. He is taking what Jesper says to heart. Wake them instead of killing them unconscious becuase Jesper doesn't want to kill unconscious men. Which they do end up tying the soldier to a pole, not killing them!! Him having morals shouldn't contribute to claims of him being innocent.

Wylan is worried about hurting people but will do so if nessecasry to save his friends. We can see this in the show and books. In the show he does not want to make bombs for Kaz, but does so in the end because he acknowledges he has to survive. He is worried about Alby, but goes along with the plan still.

All these are what makes Wylan, wylan. It is his fundamentals, his morals and idels. They are not however claims to see how sweet and innocent he is and how he was corrupted.

Ontop of this, while it is never y it is hevaily implied that Wylan is also autistic. (Also, correct me if im wrong please, but im pretty sure Jack did talk about this.) Autistic people get infantilizated already, and I've had my own fair share of this as well. ( I am autistic and have a learning disabilitiy, as well a speech impedament that I still struggle with.) I have to work harder to make sure people treat me as a twenty year old. Because that is my age, and there is a significant difference in attitude in how people treat me when they know im autistic, and when they don't.

And for Wylan, I feel like its the same issue. While it may not be intentional, ive been people coo over the fact Wylan has done simple tasks or teen experiences. Him having Jesper read to him, getting flustered when talking to him, Wylan not understanding social cues as well as others and taking things to face value.

You can be excited for him and think it's sweet, but to also acknowledge that there is a line between "Thats adorable" and "He's adorable." Wylan is someone who is neurodivergent. He was extrmetly sheltred as a child and was never given the proper tools to help his dyslexia, due to this he has struggles that shouldn't be overlooked or seen as "cute" when he experiences outcomes due to the situation he was in. Whenever he doesn't understand social cues, i.e., "Whos mark." People giggling and saying it's silly or cute when he doesn't understand the cues. That's infantilizating! You are viewing things he struggles with in the lens of watching a child understanding the world. Which Wylan isn't. He is a teenager, no matter the circumstances. His age should be understood.

This infantilization also effects wesper in how people view the two of them. Many people view black people as "older, the man in the relationship, rugged" while the white person is seen as the "women, younger, more innocent."

Infact, I think the show only worsned it for Wylan. As now there are faces to names.

Jack does have a youthful face, but still looks his age. I have a babyface and even now at 20 I look much older then I did at 16. The same goes for Jack. He cant control how he looks but because of his youthful features people only push for this racially hetaronormative mindset more between Wylan and Jesper (Even if its untitional).

Even Kit looks his age as well and has a baby face. He's 29 right now but was in his mid twenties during filming. Season 1 was filmed back in 2019 but due to covid post production got set back, and season 2 was filmed in the beginning of 2022. But why is it only Wylan who is infantilizated? Jesper struggles just as much with his ADHD and trauma as Wylan does.

Jack and Kit are only one year apart, the same in the books but still ive been Wylan be portrayed as the "poor innocent child who was abused." and Jesper as the "he needs to get over his addiction hes a grown man/ he's too mean to Wylan."

In society now so many black teens are seen as adults and treated as such, while white teens are seen as younger and not pushed so hard. The same can be seen for wesper.

Ive even seen people on Tiktok and other socials claim that Jesper was rude to Wylan and abusive. (WHERE???). Both Wylan and Jesper have said things that hurt the other, and they both apologized for it, and get grilled as well. In the show and books they learn and grow. The infantilization of Wylan doesnt hurt just him but plays into racial stereotypes and also microagressions. Why is it that when the white character is calling someone out its "deserved" but when the black character (who might I add had no idea) makes a side comment he is labled as cruel and abusive?

In so many shows and books the black character is usually portrayed as the joker character. Six Of Crows does this as well, which is something important to not ingore. Jesper is seen as the flirty joke character. However the only difference is soc also show more sides to his character by letting him be vulnerable. Letting Jesper show his struggles to the audience as well, how his neurodivergece effects him, letting him dress in skirts and bold colors that step away from the gender norm. So many times in media the black character is just there for shits and giggles, or is used as the villan/antagonist.

It believe its really important to understand this, and to acknowledge if your infantilizating him, or even using microagressions on Jesper unintentionally, then to learn to understand why and to grow from them.

[swanimagines]

CONFESSIONS OF A CROW | WESPER + KAZ

Summary: Wylan thinks Jesper doesn't care about him, and you try to comfort him. For your surprise, Wylan has something to tell to you too.

The Crow Club’s game nights were loud and cheerful events, and Jesper was all over the tables, building the spirit in the room. Scent of alcohol and cigars floated in the air, and the sound of laughter and clinking glasses filled the downstairs as a whole.

Wylan and you sat at the farthest corner from the entrance, just spending time. The wooden table was slightly sticky, apparently someone had spilled alcohol on it at some point. The candle flame flickered slightly as Wylan played with it while staring at it deep in thought, and you were just about to ask what he’s thinking when he flinched upon another round of cheers and crooned his neck to look at one of the game tables. Jesper had once again won another round, making you turn your head to your friend and raise a glass for him once he caught your eyes. Then you turned your head back to Wylan, who sighed and returned to staring at the candle. You frowned, knowing to read people enough to know something was wrong. So you touched his hand to get his attention.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” you asked, and Wylan stared at you for a moment before laying his gaze down on the table.

“It’s nothing. Nothing important,” he mumbled, and you sighed, raising your eyebrows at him. He squirmed a little and then let out a sigh of his own. “I slept with Jesper.”

Your eyebrows shot up at that; sure, Jesper was sleeping around with people he met at bars and restaurants to have fun, but for this short time you had known Wylan, he didn��t feel like such a person. But you weren’t judgemental by any means, Jesper was a charmer and you could see that he’d be dragged along by Jesper after some flirting. Hell, Jesper had gotten you to blush a few times with his flirts when you first joined Dregs.

“Really? When did that happen?” you asked, trying to keep your tone neutral.

“It’s been a while. Two months? Or three maybe? But… he managed me to grow feelings for him, and knowing who he is… I don’t think he’d like me back. He doesn’t even remember me.” His voice trailed off at the end, and he laid his gaze back to his hands. “I know it’s stupid.”

You shook your head, squeezing his hand. “It’s not stupid, Wylan. A lot of people have been in your situation at some point. But you can’t let the fear of heartbreak to get in your way, you deserve to be happy and even if Jesper doesn't return your feelings, at least you know then. You won't stay in it welling and cursing yourself over not speaking up if he ever ends up being serious with someone else."

He scoffed. “Easy for you to say when you hold the heart of the Bastard of the Barrel himself. Do you even realise how I envy the way Kaz looks at you, how I would wish somebody would look at me like that? Kaz is closed off, cold and guarded, someone you wouldn’t think would like anyone, and still you have managed to catch him without even trying to win him over. Jesper is everything but like that, and still he thinks I’m nothing but a fling, just an asset for pleasure. I’d be a fool if I went to him and tell him how do I feel.”

Your heart skipped a beat at him mentioning about Kaz’s feelings for you, making you freeze up - it was true that you had been teased about it, and Kaz did have odd reasons for why he suddenly didn’t want to assign you on scouting missions anymore if the building was heavily guarded. But it wasn’t like he had feelings for you. Even when you wished it would be the reason for that.

“Kaz? What? He isn’t… no, he doesn’t, you’ve misunderstood something. And he’s my boss, it would be weird, he sees me only professionally and… I see him only professionally too,” you denied it, trying to contain your voice squeaking. Wylan raised his eyebrows at you, and you felt your face heating up when you realised he’s not buying it.

"He basically admitted it to Inej. Inej told him to let his guard down for you if he wants you to see him as anything else as your boss, and he told her that he doesn't want to drag you into his life, that you'd only get hurt when you'd see how he really is," Wylan mumbled. "Then they sensed someone is listening in so I dashed away before they caught me."

You didn't reply, just tried to calm your racing heart. You were quiet for a few seconds before you cleared your throat, trying to quickly jump away from the subject before anyone would hear you. “Anyway, Jesper is not Kaz. He’s not gonna smack you with his gun if you go and ask him if he’d be willing to talk with you. Or go on another date. If I went to Kaz’s office and asked him to come down to have a dining date with me, even if��he did have feelings for me, which he doesn’t, he’d look at me as if I was crazy and either ignore me or tell me to get out his office.” 

Wylan chuckled weakly at your words. “I guess you’re right about that.”

You smiled. “You should talk to Jesper. Maybe he feels the same way about you. And even if not, at least you won’t have any regrets. You won’t watch him get together with someone else and wonder why didn’t you ever say anything.”

Wylan nodded slowly, his eyes shifting back to Jesper, who had just finished playing and had made his way to the bar counter. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I should try to talk to him.”

Your smile widened as you jumped a little bit in your seat, gesturing him to go on, gently nudging him forward when he passed you. Wylan walked to Jesper slowly, talking with him for a moment before sitting down beside him, and you almost felt the connection they already had. You turned your back on them, and continued sipping on your drink as you dug up your ongoing book from your bag. 

And just for a moment, you wondered if you’d ever really have chances with Kaz. If everyone pointing how Kaz looks at you and how ridiculous his reasons for taking you out from all the dangerous jobs are were actually onto something, what could it carry? Would Kaz shut it down, force himself not to feel, or would he let himself feel? Would you be there with Wylan and Jesper as a couple?

You hoped you’d get the answer for that sometime in the future, but for now, you were only happy that you had potentially helped Wylan and Jesper to get to know each other better, and maybe get together. They both deserved happiness, and you were happy if they found it within themselves.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[marvinthecrow]

Wesper owns my heart ❤️ 🦋🌺

Instagram • Patreon • Ko-fi • Redbubble

[art available in my Redbubble shop]

[i-can-read-to-him]

The Wesper Fic Club's Author Spotlight is a post series that aims to feature two to three fic authors a month, randomly selected from a pool of names put forth on our server. The authors are then asked to answer three interview questions, select up to five of their fics for us to feature, and finally, recommend three fics by others in the fandom.

(Note: Our spotlighted fics are not limited to Wesper, though they tend to be a central pairing in most of our authors' featured works.)

This week, we are putting a spotlight on Elias's writing!

Socials: @starwritebrekker (Tumblr) | starlightwrite (AO3) | starwritecos (TikTok) | wellelwrites (Instagram)

❀

Part One: Author Interview

Q: What’s your favourite fic you’ve written for this fandom?

A: Do Us Part! It’s my first time writing a modern AU and I’m loving the challenge of finding modern day equivalents to the Crows world.

Q: When did you first start writing? What keeps you going today?

A: I’ve been writing stories since elementary school, earliest I can remember is second grade (seven years old). What keeps me writing is how much writing feels like a release. I’m not very good at speaking what’s going on in my head (see: neurodivergent), and writing it out helps me comprehend my own thoughts more and it helps me communicate my thoughts much better. It is my favorite form of expression.

Q: Who is your favourite character? What do you love about them?

A: Kaz Brekker. This boy is the embodiment of a person in survival mode for most of their life and not truly understanding what it is to come out of it. The world has hardened him but inside him, despite his best efforts, there is still that hope. That heart.

Q: Have you had a chance to interact with the SAB cast? Tell us about your experience(s).

A: Amita liked the photo of my Dregs tattoo on instagram! I love her so much and I’m so glad she interacts with the fandom so much as well.

Q: If you could be friends with any character in the Grishaverse, who would it be?

A: Matthias and I both grew up with organized religion being the backbone of our perspective of the world, so I feel like he and I could get along well. I want to give all the crows a hug (an air hug for Kaz).

Q: What are some headcanons you have that you consider your personal canon?

A: Kaz Rietveld-Brekker is transmasc. Argue with the wall XD. (I am nonbinary transmasc I hold this headcanon so close to my heart).

Q: Are there any songs you strongly associate with a favourite character or ship?

A: Francesca by Hozier is Kanej coded.

Q: How do you feel about your fics being translated into other languages?

A: Go forth and translate (just give me credit please and thank youuuuu)!

❀

Part Two: Selected Works

Do Us Part

Teen | 4.1K | Kanej, Wesper, Helnik Modern AU, Mentioned Character Death, The dog lives In Progress

Part of the Wesper Fic Club Big Bang 2024! The Crows run a funeral home in the suburbs of a modern day Ketterdam. There’s death. There’s a dog. There’s healing. There’s still a dog.

No Funerals

Teen | 10.1K | Kanej, mentioned Wesper, mentioned Helnik Vampire AU, slowburn, Wesper Child, Alby Rollins is there In Progress

There’s a figure that haunts the Barrel at night since time immemorial, he exists in the shadows and watery reflections of the canals of Ketterdam. He was once the undisputed king of the city, and now? He runs a gang of misfits and swindles the merchant council, not even death can escape his cheating. 

Forever Not to Disappear

Teen | 20.5K | Kanej, Wesper Sickfic, slowburn, healing from trauma In Progress

Kaz Brekker is stuck in bed (it’s a bad illness day) and is forced to reflect and process his emotions.

Clouded Judgement

Teen | 441 words | Kanej, Wesper Stream of Consciousness, Wishful thinking, Reflective Kaz Brekker Completed

Post-Season Two finale of Shadow and Bone, Kaz is hoveled up in his room, and his mind never stops moving. Nor does his pen.

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Part Three: Author's Recs

I’m The Perfect Stranger Who Knows You Too Well by @remadora-black / actressforever14 (my sister Cassie!)

Teen | 54.9K | Kanej, Wesper, Helnik Jordie Rietveld Lives, Childhood Trauma, Major Illness In Progress

Cassie’s description: What if Jordie did not die of Firepox? What if, instead, when Kaz returned from the Barge, his brother was waiting for him. Firepox would leave them both forever changed, but how will the course of the rest of their lives go? What will happen to Jordie when he realizes his little brother is no longer the boy he knew before, and that he has been left with a shell of a boy with only one thing on his mind: vengeance?

What the Water Gave Me by 19burstraat (astardanced)

Teen | 23.9K | Kanej, Crows friendship Post Canon, Canon Divergence, Angst With A Happy Ending Completed

Kaz as a Tidemaker. Get into it. Kaz as a grisha is extremely my sh*t. 

You’re A Dog And I’m Your Man by limelacroix

Not Rated | 27.8K | Kanej, Wesper Kaz Brekker gets a dog, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Kaz Brekker gets a dog. That’s the whole thing.Also extremely my sh*t

The Unexpected Visitor by insignificant457

Mature 90.9K | Kanej Post-canon, Implied/referenced SA, Implied/referenced sex In Progress

Inej brings one Bastard of the Barrel to the caravans for a family wedding. Hijinks ensue.

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Please support our authors by commenting and leaving kudos on any stories of theirs you read and enjoy! Don't forget to also reblog this post and check back soon for our next author spotlight to come.

Interested in joining our server and getting to know our community? Feel free to request an invite via the @i-can-read-to-him ask box.

[daffodilsonaprettystring]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love❤️

Thanks for the tag @brandileigh2003 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I should say most of these are unfinished lol I love writing but I’m a little all over the place

1. Without You Wolfstar Titanic AU my beloved I promise to complete you someday soon hopefully! Remus as Jack and Sirius as Rose, yes there will be MCD and it is unfinished but I adore this story with all my heart.

2. so ready to give up my soul my Destiel “Beautiful Creatures” movie AU, again unfinished but I love it so much and hope to finish it soon. Castiel as Lena Duchannes, Dean as Ethan Wate, and though the plot mostly follows the movie so far I’ve combined it with another idea I had to expand on it a little more and I’m very excited to continue it!

3. Flight Risk An imagining of how Show!Wesper Wylan Van Eck reveal could’ve gone if Shadow and Bone/Six of Crows had continued on Netflix. It’s a one shot so it is finished and genuinely one of my favorite things I’ve written, I love Wesper and Wylan so much and I’m still so upset we’ll never see anything like this in the show (F you Netflix)

4. Cursebreaker and Fireheart/Son of Night and Daughter of Stars Oh my Wattpad days how I miss you, back in 2020ish I wrote a four-part Sarah J Maas fanfiction series of a crossover between the ACOTAR and ToG worlds, starting with Feyre and Aelin in the first two and then time-skipping to their kids’ story in the next two. I created Estelle, Aelin’s daughter, and used the canon name of Nyx as Feyre’s son to create my own version of him and write him and Estelle meeting and falling in love. Sadly, the fourth fic is still unfinished, so Estelle and Nyx do not have their happy ending just yet but I LOVED writing those stupid fanfics so much they were my first attempt at fanfic and Estelle and Nyx were my first attempt at a love story and even if the writing isn’t amazing I’m still so proud of these damn books.

5. Scars Of A Gold Moon: I have never actually published this one, but it’s my Wolfstar Bookstore fic as it’s been dubbed by my friends. It’s one of the only fics I’ve written with no AU tie in or anything, just my own story with the Marauders characters and I adore it. It has Wolfstar, Reg and Lily as Remus’s best friends, Sirius in a band, Black Brothers reunions, lots of secrets from both sides of Wolfstar lmao, and ironically, this fic is the only reason I have Without You. Sirius made Remus watch Titanic so I rewatched it so they could make funny comments, and then Without You was born! Lol someday I’ll finish this and post it.

No pressure tags except I don’t know any fic authors so let’s tag some famous ones I love just for funsies @mayescapade @cal-daisies-and-briars @smilingbuckley @motswolo

And anybody else who happens across this have at it too lol

[aphroditestummyrolls]

26 + wesper? 💌

Hello! Sorry this took so long— the holidays are always a more difficult time to focus on writing, and then with Covid, jetlag, and the leftover annoyance of my sprained ankle, I’ve just been off my game.

Thank you for participating, though! And being so patient. These little prompts are really helping me get back in the saddle. And I LOVED writing this one. I think I might even continue it and make it a little oneshot.

Enjoy ❤️

Jesper Fahey couldn’t sit still. This wasn’t something that he was bothered by or defensive about when people mentioned it— not most of the time, at least. It was just a fact. As much of a fact as him having charcoal grey eyes, being devilishly handsome, and being able to shoot a coat button from a half mile away and around a corner.

He had a permanently restless mind— his thoughts raced from one thing to another, and his body was constantly fidgeting. He couldn’t keep up with himself sometimes. And he’d fiddle with his guns, or chew absently at his fingers, desperate for something to occupy him whenever he was idle.

Jes didn’t do idle. And if there was one thing smaller than his attention span, it was the likelihood that he’d been listening in the first place.

It wasn’t his fault his brain was so loud. So constant.

Unless it was a target, focus was just not a Jesper talent.

That particular night, though, Jesper had never stayed still for so long. It took effort to keep his mind in check, but luckily for him, his loud, hectic brain was only thinking about one thing: Wylan Van Eck.

A fluff of half singed curls tickled at the underside of his jaw. There was a puff of a pained whimper across his collarbone. The tip of Wylan’s sooty little nose nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

Thank the Saints you stopped by to walk him home, he thought, his fingers twitching restlessly over his lover’s smaller frame. He was pressed to his side, a solid, grounding weight where they laid in the workshop's grotty old bed. If it had been worse, he could have…

Well, Jesper would’ve felt terrible for all the cracks he’d made about losing fingers. That was for certain.

He stroked his thumb along the knuckles of the hand he held— one, two, three, four, and a thumb curled loosely by Jesper’s palm. They were all present and accounted for under the fraying edge of the bandage tied there. It probably wasn’t the best patch job, but he was a bit rattled at the time. It would do until Wylan had slept off the worst of the headache— then they could find Nina and beg her help.

For now, it was just them. Just Jesper, really, listening to his own loud mess of overlapping thoughts while Wylan slept, curling in impossibly closer.

He works too much. These long days are too long, and he probably forgot to eat again, and I was too busy to stop by—

It left a pit in his stomach and a twitch in his muscles— to move, to pace, to do something more, even if there was nothing more to be done.

Wylan snuffled against his chest, and Jesper felt the clench of something desperate and warm wrapped around his heart. He pressed his lips to his merchling’s forehead, getting a nose full of his smoky curls while he did.

They’d need a bath when they got back. In a big way. The stench of the chemicals was more than the ventilation shafts could handle. Still, Jesper only held him tighter, feeling a little insane.

He would never forget walking into the workshop that night— the reek of burning chemicals in the air, the thick cloud of bitter smoke that made his throat sting and his eyes water. He was blinded by the dark plume of it, blinking rapidly as he fought to adjust to the dim lamps somewhere in the chaos. Still, Jesper ran down the stairs.

When he called Wylan’s name, he got nothing but stomach-churning silence.

It took a long moment of Jesper shouting himself hoarse, covering his nose and mouth with his— probably now ruined— pocket square, before he picked up the first signs of movement in the wreckage. There was a rattling cough, and then I’m here! He croaked out the words before dissolving into coughs. I’m- I’m alright, just wait—

With a sudden gust of wind, the vents were cranked open as wide as they could go. The noxious fog thinned and, finally, there was the slim silhouette of his lover. He was hunched over with one hand braced against the workbench. The other was cradled to his chest.

Jesper was at his side faster than he knew he could move. With the reassurance of that standing, awake, alive merchling in his arms, Jes’s brain immediately filled with a hundred shouted questions— what happened? Where does it hurt? Let me see your hand—

In the end, he didn’t need to say a word. Which was a good thing, because not a single word could seem to make it from his brain to his mouth. Wylan was leaning heavily into his chest, his knees wobbly enough that Jesper had to steady him with an arm around his waist. The other was nothing more than a blur, flitting uselessly across the smaller man’s frame like he could scan him for injuries.

My… he swallowed with an audible click, a breath from Jesper’s ear, my head. I hit my head.

Sure enough, there was a bloody mat of hair at the back of his head. His fingers came away stained red. Sucking his teeth nervously, Jesper’s brain got louder, but he didn’t say anything for the moment. Wylan’s eyes were glassy, but focused, and he took that as a good sign as he stroked lightly over his wild hair, trying to assess the damage better. It was so tender that even Jes’s barely present little probe was too much. Wy hissed.

Jes, please.

Okay— okay, Love. He carefully removed his goggles from the top of his head, and plucked the plugs from his ears. I’ve got you.

By the time he shuffled him over to the bed, the smoke had cleared. Jesper sighed at the state of it all— the workshop and the mad scientist included— and let himself revel for just a moment in sheer relief.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as it seemed.

Snagging a roll of bandages and a half-assed first aid kit from a shelf near the bed, Jesper could see that the smoke was much worse than the actual explosion. There was a splintered gouge in the workbench that would need sanding— as if anything ever got sanded in the Barrel— and a sooty stain where it all happened, but other than a few broken bottles and vials, it was no worse for wear.

Wylan must’ve been right there when the blast went off. The support beam behind the workbench had a small blood stain at just about head height for his merchling. He was sooty and singed, with only two perfect circles of clean skin around his eyes— at least he’d been wearing his gear. All that was hurt were his pretty little head, and a messy looking red burn on his right hand.

Alright, Jesper nodded, trying to remember what his da did to gauge Jesper’s head injuries growing up. Head first, merchling. D’you know your name?

Wylan’s lips twitched like he might laugh. A good sign. Wylan Van Eck.

Mhm. And where d’you live, Wylan?

The Slat, with- with my boyfriend.

He never got tired of hearing that. You’ve got a boyfriend? That’s a shame. Wylan managed half a little smile when Jesper winked at him. Come here often?

Jes, he sighed, my head hurts.

He cooed sympathetically, cupping his cheek as softly as he could with one hand while he used his sacrificial pocket square to smear away a little bit of the soot with the other.

I know, Love— you gave it a good, hard smack. But you’re not slurring, you’re not disoriented. So, that’s a point in your favour. Are you nauseous? Dizzy?

Jesper had had enough concussions to at least remember how they felt. Wylan nodded. A bit— the dizziness was pretty bad at first, I… I think I’m fine now, though.

Just in case, it was best not to move him yet. And by the time he was finished dabbing a burn salve into the raw skin of his hand and was tying off the bandage, Wylan’s pretty brown eyes were halflidded. He was swaying just a little where he sat at the edge of the bed.

Jes kissed the top of the bandage.

He supposed a little nap couldn’t hurt. The clock tower was striking 8 bells, and Kaz was sure to be wondering where Jesper had gone— he’d mentioned something about a meeting? He’d never given him a time, though, so he had no right to give him his disappointed face when they got back.

At least, Jes didn’t remember a time.

Well, something more important came up.

The most important thing was Wylan’s poor beleaguered head, pillowed on his chest. His steady breaths were leaving little puffs of warm air across Jesper’s chest. And with that bandaged hand held loosely in his own, his brain finally felt a little quieter.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Don't Go Blindly Into the Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

Content warnings for this chapter: abuse, violence, child abuse, ptsd, reference to kerch indenture laws

AO3 link

Chapter 9 - Wylan

If he hadn’t been terrified someone would see him and start asking questions, Wylan would have run all the way home. As it was he walked as fast as he thought he feasibly should be able to, his heart in his throat, too distracted to pay proper attention to his cane - not that it mattered. No-one else on the Geldstraat used one like his, so no-one could accuse him of using it wrong. Probably. He wasn’t really sure. It didn’t make him any less nervous every time anybody saw him. Every time he saw anybody. Because that was the problem, wasn’t it? 

Wylan Van Eck was not blind.

Actually, that’s not true. “Wylan Van Eck” was blind. He had been since the accident, when he was eight. But Wylan wasn’t. Wylan was an idiot and a liar and almost definitely a terrible person. And what was he supposed to do now?

It had been fine when he sat opposite Jesper in the library, complaining about economics. It had even been okay when he thought they might be flirting. It had been okay because they didn’t really know each other and Jesper didn’t really care who he was talking to; Wylan had seen him around the campus before flirting with anyone who looked his way. Wylan just wanted someone to talk to for once. He’d begged his father to let him go to university, and even when he finally relented all he’d said was:

“I thought you trusted me enough to believe me when I said this was a bad idea, Wylan. But if you need to discover it for yourself, I will let you go - just don’t expect sympathy from me when everything goes wrong. You are trying to force your way into a world in which you do not belong,”

And then, of course, there were strict rules to accompany the agreement. They couldn’t risk anyone finding out about Wylan’s deficiencies, could they? For every one of them Wylan found the tiniest, silliest defiances he could muster. He had to be home from class immediately, but he could get there as early as he liked and would sit alone in the library for hours every morning - not even doing anything for fear of being caught, just sitting alone anywhere that was not the house. He was supposed to avoid talking to anyone if he could, so he picked classes that would mean he had to do group projects. They were stupid things, inconsequential, but they meant something. Wylan didn’t know if his father hadn’t noticed he was doing these things on purpose or if he was just letting them slide, but either way he was going to cling to them for as long as he could. 

“What happened to this being boring as hell?” Wylan had asked Jesper only yesterday, stupidly joyful to discover he was sitting next to him.

“Oh, I don’t doubt it will be. But you’re smart, and I’m sitting next to you,”

Oh. Right. And here Wylan was foolish enough to think he might have made a friend. His first friend, since Anya. 

But anyway, if Jesper wanted to use Wylan because he thought he was smart then he was going to be sorely disappointed. Wylan was not smart. Wylan was useless.

Wylan didn’t remember an exact moment when his father realised that he could not read. He hid it for as long as he could but he must have been six or seven, he supposed, because there had been a long time of trying new methods to teach him even before he started claiming he was blind. Even before his mother died. Wylan had heard them arguing about him several times, but he couldn’t bring to mind what they’d said. And then his mother was ill, and then she was gone. It was all rather blurry. Rather sudden. 

There was also the problem of the Heartrender. Wylan’s stomach dropped like a stone when she walked in - his vision was imperfect through the Tailoring but it was hardly worth real complaint over and he knew that it was her. Did she know? Had she come to accuse him of his lies? What if he’d done something wrong when she was at the house, and his father had punished her like he promised he would Anya? Maybe she was here for revenge.

But Nina - for that was how Jesper introduced her, now - didn’t even show a sign of recognition. She leaned over Jesper and batted back his flirting like they were old friends, even though they’d only met a few days ago, and chatted happily to Wylan about biology until he eventually convinced himself he should join in before they both questioned why he’d fallen quiet. She loved biology, and she was good at it - but she should be, he supposed, if she was a Corporalnik. And yet when Jesper had questions, he turned to Wylan. And Wylan had been stupid enough to convince himself that meant something. He had been so suddenly, unexpectedly, and naïvely enamoured by the idea of finding friends in Jesper, Nina, and Inej that he had not only stayed after class, but he had stayed until sunset. And as soon as he stepped through the door at home he was met by the consequences of it. 

His father didn’t shout. He didn’t even look that angry - just tired. Weary.

“Why didn’t you come home, Wylan?”

Wylan looked at his shoes.

“I was studying,” he mumbled, “I lost track of time. I’m sorry,”

A brief moment passed. 

“You are not to attend classes at the university anymore,” said his father, simply, like he was telling him to wash up before dinner, “Go upstairs and prepare for this evening, it’s lucky you haven’t arrived so late as to burst in upon the event and embarrass us both”

Wylan had forgotten about this evening. His father was hosting a dinner party for the rest of the Merchant Council; Wylan would have to spend the entire night sitting quietly but still acting engaged, answering awkward questions, and trying not to spontaneously combust. Perfect, that was just what he needed today.

“No, father please-”

“We had an agreement, Wylan, and you’ve gone against my wishes. Besides, with your concerning grade in your business class I think we both know what’s happening here don’t we? I tried to warn you,”

You are trying to force your way into a world in which you do not belong.

Wylan felt his cheeks heat. 

“That’s one class!” he found himself crying out, which was probably the worst decision he could have made.

But why did Jan Van Eck only see the struggling business grade? Wylan wasn’t even failing business, he just wasn’t doing as well in it as the others. Why couldn’t his father see the soaring grades in the sciences that Wylan and thrown himself at and buried himself in, in some desperate attempt to make up for all his other failings? He could see now that it had always been a lost cause, that there was nothing he would ever be able to do to apologise for the hurt he had caused his father with his uselessness. 

“Please, father, I promise you I’ll-”

“Don’t talk back to me, Wylan,” his father’s eyes flickered dangerously, but his voice remained level, “You are not to attend classes any more; I shall submit your withdrawal from the school tomorrow morning and if you are going to argue with me then you will stay in your room until such time that I’m convinced you won’t foolishly run off and leave yourself privy to any potential danger again. You are vulnerable, Wylan, and if you aren’t sensible enough to keep to the house yourself then I will be forced to do it for you,”

It was nothing he hadn't heard before. Nothing that hadn’t been done before. Wylan’s bedroom locked from the outside, and had done so for about as long as he could remember. 

“Please-”

“One more word, Wylan, do you hear me?”

And Wylan didn’t know why he did it, didn’t know why he was stupid enough not to just fall silent and do as he was told. But he lifted his chin and said:

“I don’t care. I want to continue attending university,” 

He registered the sting afterwards more than he did the slap itself. His cheek was burning and his neck hurt from moving so suddenly. The unwelcome bite of tears pressed into him and he tried desperately to quash it before his father noticed.

“What you want, Wylan,” his father hissed, as Wylan suddenly realised he was being dragged stumbling up the stairs, “Is entirely irrelevant to what any of us need. Now stay quiet, and I will speak to you tomorrow,” 

And then the door was closed and Wylan heard the lock click shut. He gripped his cane so tightly that his knuckles turned white and he might have snapped the ridiculous thing in two, and then before he really knew why he had thrown it across the room and collapsed onto the carpet. He pulled his knees to his chest and let the waiting tears spill onto his face, bursting from his throat in sobs even as he held his nose to try and force them to be quieter. 

Years ago, after a lousy reading lesson and a similar message of crushing disappointment from his father, Wylan had been sitting on the floor of his bedroom like this when Anya found him. She wasn’t supposed to come into the main house; she was a Grisha Healer, indentured to Wylan’s father after fleeing Ravka, and she was not officially allowed anywhere but her room and the Grisha workshop unless specifically summoned. But she risked it, to come and find him.

“Anya- what are you doing?” he’d whispered, panic rushing in his throat, “he’ll-”

“I could not leave you all alone, could I?” she smiled, moving slowly away from the door she had leant against when she hurriedly pushed it shut.

“But-”

“He won’t find out,” she whispered, “and if he does it is my fault, not yours. Promise,”

It wasn’t himself that Wylan was worried about, but he kept quiet and linked his index finger around Anya’s.

“Promise,” he breathed.

Wylan didn’t know the details but he thought Anya must have left a while before the civil war broke out, because she just seemed to always have been there, and was only a similar age to him - surely she was too young to have been fleeing the fighting? He had never asked her. Maybe she just didn’t want to end up being part of the once-compulsory draft - no-one was less inclined to unnecessary violence than Anya was.

“And yet now I find myself wishing I was a Heartrender,” she’d said to him, stolen into his room to sit on the floor and hold his hand, “so I could make your father sorry for this,”

Wylan just shook his head. 

“It’s not his fault,”

It was part of Anya’s job to Tailor Wylan’s scars, and his eyes too. She hadn’t been told the truth, of course - like when Nina came to work on them, she believed the cloudy layer it brought of Wylan’s eyes was an inescapable byproduct of the process and not the real reason she’d been hired. But Anya was kind and sweet and easy to talk to. Wylan ended up telling her all of it, and as soon as she knew what she was doing she was horrified.

“I can not be part of this,” she’d told him, at first, “I do not want to hurt you like this,”

But Anya had never hurt him. Wylan had hurt her; he didn’t know exactly what he’d done but he knew that she was his only friend in the world, that he had pushed his father too hard, and that one day Anya was gone. 

“She’s no longer under my employment,” his father had said, the last time he ever mentioned her.

It was the only explanation Wylan had been given. It was the only one he dared to ask for. 

Because whatever had happened to Anya - and he had no illusions of it, he knew his father had probably sold her like a bolt of cotton - was entirely Wylan’s fault. 

Now he lay on his bed, listening to the dinner party downstairs, mulling over his father’s words. Did he even want to go back to university? He couldn’t tell Jesper the truth, but he couldn’t go on lying to him either. He was evil, and cruel, and Jesper had looked at him like that… Wylan thought of Jesper’s hand on his, his fingers in his hair, his lips moving closer to Wylan’s. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t lie to him - but there was no way of telling him the truth. What would Jesper say if he did? What would he think of him? Maybe this was for the best. Wylan couldn’t face Jesper, he couldn’t face Nina, and if Inej and Nina were here together then he was deluding himself about befriending her as well. The only class he properly looked forward to, except in the past week or so, was mathematics and he already knew almost everything they’d been learning. And his grade in the business and economics class was terrible. He didn’t know what he was doing. It was every proof Jan Van Eck had ever needed of his son’s failings. Wylan listened to the muffled conversations of the dinner party two floors below, the footsteps of staff passing by his door, the distant clattering sounds in the kitchen downstairs, and wondered if anyone had asked where he was. If they had even noticed that he wasn’t there. When the next morning came and his father came to speak to him, Wylan was still lying on his side in the previous day’s clothes, tears tracing down his cheeks. If he’d slept he didn’t remember it.

“You were right,” he whispered, “I never should have gone,”

Van Eck sighed, and Wylan turned slowly to see his father shaking his head. He sat up on the bed and pulled his feet in to perch cross-legged. 

“I tried to warn you, Wylan,”

You are trying to force your way into a world in which you do not belong.

“I know,” he murmured, wishing his voice wasn’t shaking, “I’m sorry,”

And then the tears came again. His father sighed again.

“Don’t cry, Wylan. It’s unbecoming,” 

Wylan wanted to sob that it didn’t matter, because everything he even did was unbecoming, there was no part of him that was not considered such. But he just lowered his gaze, and apologised again. 

“I’ve submitted your withdrawal for you,” said his father, as though it were a great kindness to have done it instead of putting Wylan through the shame of doing it himself.

It probably was.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Take a day. You need to think everything through, and I want you to properly understand that this was a mistake. Then maybe tomorrow we can discuss alternate options for your future,”

Alternate options? Wylan wasn’t sure what he meant by that. University has been his one chance; to find a pathway, to prove to his father that he was worth something. But he’d been wrong. What other options could possibly be left?

[luckylolabug]

Whumptober Day 9 time! The one that's nearest and dearest to my heart for a lot of reasons. But also hurts possibly the most? Idk. Rating: T Warnings: Child Abuse and all the fun stuff that comes with that because Jan Van Eck fucking sucks Ship: VERY minor Wesper??? The focus is on Wylan overcoming things. Prompt: Bruises Summary: Wylan's bruises used to be invisible. But as time passed, those bruises became real, painted across his skin in ways that were as clinical as they were painful. Now, bruises mean something different. They're the marks Wylan earns, chooses, and fights for. They don't make him feel small, they make him feel strong.

[tryingforthedelicatehopeofitall]

I am actually crying after watching that scene for like 15 times straight (gay). Everything in that scene just pulls at my heart strings.

Sipping tea (I am assuming it's tea)!!!! Comfy clothes!!! The way they are so comfortably sharing each other's space!!!

The way Wylan opens up to Jesper and tells him that Ketterdam has never really felt like a home. I haven't read the books yet but from the fics I do know that he has had an abusive childhood and his own house surely could have never felt quite like home either.

The way Wylan tries to be so nonchalant while saying “so of course I came back” and then the way he says with conviction that there's no one better than him!!!! I am so proud of him 🥹

And then the way Jesper is listening to him so intently and then makes that key with the coin he was playing around with in his other hand and the twinkling sounds in the background 🥹

It's so obvious that it's a key but Wylan does not assume and asks Jesper what the key opens. The way Wylan is a bit unsure and then hopeful but still processing the information that yes indeed that key is the key to the kingdom inside Jesper's room that could be their home :"",,,)

And I cannot even process that kiss right now. ...

I am just so emotional right now. Wylan and Jesper and their love means so much to me 💙💜💖🫶🏼

[soybeansyu]

Wesper is so red coded.

Begin again, the very first night & treacherous.

Kanej is so midnights coded.

Great War, You’re on your own kid, Master mind.

Helnik is so reputation coded

King of my heart, delicate, gorgeous.

Tell me im wrong. kanej gives the reputation vibes but let’s be fr. We all heard kaz dialogues. he’s much more whipped than inej bro

[violets-and-books]

Wylan riding a motorcycle in a modern AU got me ✨thinking✨

Tattoo shop parlour. Wylan owns it and opens it across the street from Jesper, who, to many peoples' unsurprise, opened a small shooting range doubled as a gun store (with a limit on certain guns). He wants to own a bakery because he just likes the idea and he likes kitchen work because it keeps him moving, and he likes to shoot but he doesn't want to be associated with it, especially because he lives in a bad part of town (why Wylan opening there was so shocking). Jesper is doing his absolute best to keep the range afloat despite his gambling debt that's been stacking up.

They meet and do not get along. Jesper thinks Wylan is a total bitch and Wylan thinks Jesper is an asshole. After a series of glaring at each other from across the street, Wylan gets a call from his bestie, Nina, asking if he could pick up her friend from his house and bring her to his because her car won't start. Wylan goes and turns out, it's Jesper, surprise surprise. Jesper is drunk as hell and Wylan delivers him to Nina as promised, but not before lecturing his neighbor/stranger about the dangers of being intoxicated and alone. Jesper later gets Wylan's number off Nina and texts a thank you the next morning. Wylan thinks to himself, "Maybe he's okay", and Jesper does the same.

They actually start getting along when Jesper comes over to personally thank Wylan and they get talking because Wylan was closing and Jesper wasn't busy and had an employee to take care of things while he was gone. So they have like a genuine conversation and Jesper rips a flirty comment and Wylan blushes and it's begun from that point forwards.

Anyways. Indulging your Motorcycle Wylan and my Jesper likes Baking head canons. Enjoy bestie 😋😌

Wylan riding a motorcycle is the most perfect au to ever exist, please and thank you

TATTOO AND FLOWER SHOP!!! I love Wylan owning a tattoo parlour because a) he would, just to piss his dad off (cos Van Eck is definitely the kind of guy who believes tattoos lower iq or something) and b) it fits so well with both his rebellious side and also the motorbike?

Jes- Jesper owns a what?

Bestie, I am from Britain. You have no idea how much fear and confusion the words "gun shop" struck into my heart

Jesper's gambling debts, those are IMPORTANT!!! Thank you for including them!!!

Wesper not getting along at the beginning is always *chef's kiss*

Wesper having a mutual friend, love it!

BESTIE

Bestie. What if

What if the "I like your stupid face" is a drunk confession? Like, Jesper's sprawled across the back seat of Wylan's car, drunk out of his mind, having just listened to Wylan's lecture about why you shouldn't drink alone and then

Jesper: Yknow, your face would be a lot prettier if it didn't talk so much

Wylan: What?

Jesper: I like your stupid face. It's your voice that's the problem

Wylan: I'm.... sorry?

Jesper, not really listening: Well, not your voice. What you do with your stupid voice. You shouldn't lecture so much. 'T huuurts

And then he doesn't speak for the rest of the car ride

Bestie, I love this