#WHY WHY WHY I FORGOT IT HATES QUOTATION MARKS ITS SUPPOSED TO SAY 'FULL MEANING ''A WHOLE PERSON'' AND ALSO THE OTHER MEANING

[hanayanaa]

Rosie has a history of anorexia. Within their family, they were commented on and compared, picked apart and pasted back again. It broke the young Rosabel.

They're still recovering in their 20s, although it's difficult. They still have issues with calorie counting and their body image. No matter what they do, they feel guilty and hideous.

They act silly and goofy to keep people from worrying, because they're scared of being pushed away or judged again. They want to at least be remembered as a funny and kind person, rather than the person who was so broken they were scared of feeding themselves-- the one thing everyone is hard wired to do. They're scared of everything; not being skinny enough, not being fat enough, not being happy enough, not being good enough of a person to keep around or remember when they're gone.

There were days they were in so much pain they couldn't get up. They knew they were wasting away, and the fact that they were slowly dying and losing to their own despair was the scariest. It was scary to have any hope for the future, for they couldn't see one for themselves.

Thankfully, the future came, and they're much healthier now, and happier as well. They have a family they finally feel like they belong in. A family where they were just Rosie, and not a pawn for their parents or aunties and uncles to compare to their kin.

Although, they often wonder how they would've turned out if their life hadn't been one of constant fear and worry.

They wonder what it's like to be full. They'll get there one day.

[fae-fucker]

Shatter Me: Chapter 5-6

Chapter 5

I don’t know anything about anything except for the screaming.

#relatable

Juliette is angsting about her past again and how her parents hate her.

I stole their happiness. Destroyed my mother’s hope for ever having children again.

I guess this will be explained eventually.

I only know now that the scientists are wrong. 

The world is flat. 

I know because I was tossed right off the edge and I’ve been trying to hold on for 17 years. I’ve been trying to climb back up for 17 years but it’s nearly impossible to beat gravity when no one is willing to give you a hand.

You’re probably wondering why my reviews for this book are so weird and sparse. That’s because I have nothing but this kind of nonsense to work with so far.

Ready for more? Of course you are. 

Juliette whines about how she hates summer and loves winter, because she’s special like that.

Summer is like a slow-cooker bringing everything in the world to a boil 1 degree at a time. It promises a million happy adjectives only to pour stench and sewage into your nose for dinner.

So like this book.

I hate the lackadaisical ennui of a sun too preoccupied with itself to notice the infinite hours we spend in its presence. The sun is an arrogant thing, always leaving the world behind when it tires of us. 

Lackadaisical ennui ... 

Juliette is too loopy to know proper grammar and what commas are, but LACKADAISICAL ENNUI passes as the thoughts of someone who’s been in solitary for 200+ days? 

Talk about style over substance.

The moon is a loyal companion. 

It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human. 

Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.

Alright, fine, if we forget that the moon only reflects the light of the sun when it’s “full of light”, that the sun is a giant ball of gas that doesn’t give a shit about your feelings, and that it’s literally the reason life even exists on earth, isn’t the sun the one that always returns during the day, while the moon disappears at regular intervals? I guess they fucked up the earth so badly that they somehow fucked the orbit of the moon too. 

Oh, right, sorry. I forgot that this book is #deep. 

Adam asks what time it is. 

I have no idea what time it is. I have no idea which day of the week it is, what month we’re in, or even if there’s a specific season we’re supposed to be in.

Yeah, man. Counting the exact days and hours since you’ve touched a person is fine, but knowing what day of the week it is is just TOO MUCH TO ASK OF YOUR HALF-GONE BRAIN, IS IT?

She wanks on about how the planet is destroyed and everything is fucked and how the Reestablishment was supposed to fix everything but didn’t because they’re evil.

Adam asks if they only feed them once a day. Juliette says it’s random. Adam asks if there’s any “group therapy”, which makes me wonder exactly how fucking stupid he is. Which part of this establishment did you look at and go “hmm, yes, this place seems like it employs proper recovery methods”? 

Juliette says:

“Until you arrived, I hadn’t spoken a single word in two hundred sixty-four days.”

“BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS OR WHAT MONTH WERE IN, DON’T EVEN ASK HOW THAT MAKES SENSE.” 

Adam asks how long she’s in for. She says she doesn’t know.

A mechanical sound creaks/groans/cranks in the distance.

Hey uuuh Tahereh uuuh what the fuck?

Can you be consistent with your “style” for one fucking second, please? Why the fuck have you elected to put slashes where you previously just fucking threw words together in a pile? Is there any reason for any of this or are you just doing whatever the hell you feel like?

Juliette asks why Adam is here and he says that he’s not insane, which doesn’t answer her question but I guess Juliette doesn’t really find this suspicious so she drops it. 

Adam asks why Juliette keeps looking outside through the window.

I know he’s actually a soldier type dude sent in to “test” and befriend Juliette, but was he specifically intstructed to play the role of a complete moron? 

"Hey why do you, someone who’s been locked up alone within four walls for 200+ days, keep looking outside, where things actually change and actual human beings move around? That just makes no sense!” 

Juliette thinks it’s very unique that he notices her staring and cares enough to ask. Ok, cool.

They talk about more irrelevant nonsense and Juliette asks what it’s like outside, at which point Tahereh just kinda says “fuck quotation marks” and writes the dialogue without any. 

I don’t even know. 

Adam says some really boring, clichéd shit about how the clichéd Reestablishment is a clichéd villain who OMG kills all the opposition??????????

HOW UNHEARD OF!! HOW UNIQUELY EVIL!!

But there were protests, you see. Juliette struggles not to remember but does anyway, because we need more angst.

I see dead dead dead red and burgundy and maroon and the richest shade of your mother’s favorite lipstick all smeared into the earth.

Way to undermine the drama of your own book, I guess. Not that it worked in the first place, but now you’re just doing the job for me.

More food arrives and they have more useless dialogue.

“Your eyes are so deep.” He tilts his head. “So calm. I want to know what you’re thinking.”

Trust me, you really don’t.

Chapter 6

Juliette is angsting about her family again. It’s been two weeks -- oh, sorry 2 weeks since Adam arrived. 

I sit by the window and watch the rain and the leaves and the snow collide.

So it’s somehow raining and snowing? Did you put up your middle finger at some preps?

Juliette thinks about birds and how she’s heard of birds and how can birds achieve anything so complex as human engineering? and I’m pretty sure I’m about to kill something. 

Adam asks what Juliette is writing and puts a blanket around her. 

“Are you writing a book?” 

“No.” No I am not writing a book.

I wish Tahereh Mafi followed her own character’s example.

Juliette realizes that she knows Adam, they used to go to school together or some shit. Cool. 

“They’re going to destroy the English language,” he says, his voice careful, quiet. 

I fight to catch my breath. 

“They want to re-create everything,” he continues. “They want to redesign everything. They want to destroy anything that could’ve been the reason for our problems. They think we need a new, universal language.” He drops his voice. Drops his eyes. “They want to destroy everything. Every language in history.”

Holy shit. YA authors need to fucking calm the fuck down with their same-y, idiotic ideas for dystopias. 

Really? Destroy the English language, arguably the most widespread language right now, and create a completely new one from scratch? That’s not how ... anything works? What kind of sense is this supposed to make? They could’ve just made English the only language that’s allowed to be spoken and save themselves some goddamn trouble! 

I’m so tired.

Anyway, Juliette starts freaking out, because the Reestablishment murdering innocents and political rivals is a-ok, but as soon as they go for the languages, THAT’S JUST TOO GODDAMN FAR!

I never thought it would get this bad. I never thought The Reestablishment would take things so far.

I’m not fucking kidding.

Adam tries hugging her but she’s like NO DON’T DO IT I HAVEN’T ANGSTED ENOUGH YET AND THIS IS DEFINITELY A THING THAT WILL HAPPEN AT A CLIMACTIC MOMENT. 

Adam gets really offended that she doesn’t want to hug him. 

His eyes are 2 buckets of rainwater: deep, fresh, clear.

I can’t believe that this idiot goes from LACKADAISICAL ENNUI to comparing her love interest’s eyes to buckets.

Well, actually, since Tahereh seems to have a hatred for all things consistent, I can believe it.

Juliette angsts about how she totally knows Adam from before.

I know him. 

I’ve tried so hard to stop thinking about him. 

I’ve tried so hard to forget his face. 

I’ve tried so hard to get those blue blue blue eyes out of my head but I know him I know him I know him it’s been 3 years since I last saw him. 

I could never forget Adam. 

But he’s already forgotten me.

I can’t possibly imagine why, you’re just so memorable!

If you’ve been struggling to forget his face, how come you didn’t instantly recognize him when you saw him, you dingus?

Whatever.

[aswadwrites41-blog]

Funny Quotes

https://www.aswadwrites.in/funny-quotes/

Funny Quotes

Experiencing issues and depression is inevitable in existence. Sometimes, Funny Quotes can help up loosen up a piece. Here we’ve got gathered Funny Quotes and sayings which can help you be happier and help you sense higher. Here’s a group of funny quotes and humorous mind to tickle your funny bone. As you try your nice to juggle with paintings, children, family, housework, friends, pastimes and a zillion of other stuff, allow a number of those funny quotations and from time to time silly quotes loosen up you and bring some lightheartedness into your day. If you want to laugh louder and you are searching for funny Quotes then don’t worry we are here for you. we are providing the best collection of Funny Quotes. Hope, You will Enjoy.

Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes For Fun

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

I and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’

Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.

At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

Read:Top Collection Love Shayari in Hindi

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say ‘How to Build a Boat.’

There was a time when people said, ‘Jim if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.’ Now they just say, ‘Pay him!’

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.

The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.

Short Funny Quotes

A great social success is a pretty girl who plays her cards as carefully as if she were plain. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome. – Golda Meir

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. – Kahlil Gibran

Just because something is beautiful doesn’t mean it’s good. – Alex Flinn

Beauty isn’t about having a pretty face. It’s about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, & a pretty soul. – unknown

It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it’s not, it’s a visa, and it runs out fast. – Julie Burchill

Often a noble face hides filthy ways. – Euripides

The faces that have charmed us the most escape us the soonest.

Never steal. The government hates competition.

Smile…It confuses people..!!

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

Read: Cool Whatsapp Status Collection 2018

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Short Funny Quotes

Save paper, don’t do home work.

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

Save water and shower together.

It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

Adults are just kids with money.

Funny Quotes About Life And Love

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d walk through an endless garden of roses.

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Life is like flying an airplane. You’ll be pushed around, have your ups, downs and even upside downs, but try hard enough and you’ll land where your heart desires.

If the path is beautiful, let us not question where it leads.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy – her heart.

Read: Cute Love Status Quotes For Her 2018

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Love is the only two player game in which both players can win.

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

Do butterflies feel humans in their stomach when they’re in love?

Funny Quotes About Life And Love

I’ll flirt with you every day.

Love is like jumping out of an airplane knowing that someone else has packed your chute. You pull the cord hoping that a canopy opens up, but it could very well be packed full of dirty laundry and a half-eaten cheese sandwich.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

The sincerest love is the love of food.

Funny Quotes About School

“Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today’s world — an assigned parking space.” — Gene Perret

“In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” — Tom Bodett

“It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.” — Epictetus

“No wonder the teacher knows so much; she has the book.” — Edgar Watson Howe

“Some students drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.” — E.C. McKenzie

“Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.” — Will Durant

“People learn something every day, and a lot of times it’s that what they learned the day before was wrong.” — Bill Vaughan

“Education helps you earn more. But not many schoolteachers can prove it.” — E. C. McKenzie

 “Work hard, nap hard.” — Demi Lovato

Read:Incredible Sad Status For Whatsapp

Funny Quotes About School

“The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn’t stop until you get to school.” — Milton Berle

“Nothing grieves a child more than to study the wrong lesson and learn something he wasn’t suppose to.” — E.C. McKenzie

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.  –Edgar W. Howe

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.  –Bill Watterson

The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school.  –Haruki Murakami

“When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.” — Mark Twain

“If people did not do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.” — Ludwig Wittgenstein

“Education costs money, but then so does ignorance.” — Claus Moser

Funny Quotes About Friends

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. –Bernard Meltzer

Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go. -Margaret Walker

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. –Benjamin Franklin

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall , I will pick you up… after I finish laughing. -Unknown

You don’t lose friends because real friends can never be lost. You lose people masquerading as friends and you’re better for it.  –Mandy Hale

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’ –Groucho Marx

Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans. -Unknown

Read: 50+ Meaningful Quotes For You

Funny Quotes About Friends

If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything. -Unknown

I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something. -Unknown

Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive. -Unknown

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. -Oprah Winfrey

Best friend: the one that you can mad only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them. -Unknown

A good friend is a connection to life — a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.  –Lois Wyse

Short Funny Quotes About Life

How’s your health?’ ‘It’s enough for life!’

Life always turns out not as you want but as it should be.

Death takes away the best people. It means that I will live long and long.

It would be nice to live as everyone else, but my conscience wouldn’t let me.

A simple rule to follow in your life: do your best and let God do the rest.

If the music is too loud – most probably you’re too old.

I do very bad things, and I do them extremely well.

Life belongs to optimists. Pessimists are just viewers.

Life is so short to ruin it for everyone.

Shit happens, just flush it down and move on.

Some days I just don’t have enough middle fingers to go around…

I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know

I’m not blonde. – Dolly Parton

Read:100+ Love Shayari for True Lovers

Short Funny Quotes About Life

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. – Robert A. Heinlein

There is no elevator to success – you have to take the stairs.

It’s Friday today and all I have planned for tonight is drinking and drinking. Oh and, did I mention drinking?

The older you get, the better you get, unless you are a banana.

Constant change is here to stay.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. – W. C. Fields

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. – Jackie Collins

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. – Lily Tomlin

Funny Quotes About Life In General

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? – Steven Wright

~ Born to be wild – live to outgrow it. – Lao Tzu

~For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. – Clifton Fadiman

~Life is just one damned thing after another. – Elbert Hubbard

~After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say, “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!” – William S. Burroughs

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. – Woody Allen

~ Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. – William Shakespeare

~ Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about. – Sam Ewing

Read:Best Collection of Shayari

Funny Quotes About Life In General

~I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it. – Charles Schulz

We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public. – Bryan White

~ Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. – George Bernard Shaw

~ Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. – Author unknown

~ If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. – Steven Wright

“An inordinate passion for pleasure is the secret to remaining young.” – Oscar Wilde

“One day, you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.” – Paulo Coelho

“Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves.” – Henry David Thoreau

“You cannot control how you feel, but you can always choose how you act.” – Mel Robbins

“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.” – C.G. Jung

Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

Sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people.–Elizabeth Green

You’ve got to invest in the world, you’ve got to read, you’ve got to go to art galleries, you’ve got to find out the names of plants. You’ve got to start to love the world and know about the whole genius of the human race. We’re amazing people.–Vivienne Westwood

Life isn’t fair. A fair’s a place where you eat corn dogs and ride the ferris wheel.–Jennifer Brown

You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things.–Jamie Tworkowski

You have to believe in yourself. That’s the secret.–Charlie Chaplin“

Read: 100+ Whatsapp Friendship Status

Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. –Henry David Thoreau

Never chase love, affection, or attention. However, if it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.–Unknown“

Sometimes rejection in life is really redirection.–Tavis Smiley

How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and with that one, is what we are doing. –Annie Dillard“

Nothing will ruin your twenties more than thinking you should already have your life together.–Unknown

Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in your life, and your behavior decides who stays in your life.–Ziad K. Abdelnour “

Embrace the glorious mess that you are.–Elizabeth Gilbert

The coolest thing is when you don’t care about being cool.–Rick Owens

Funny Quotes Video

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[ramosjuniorus-blog]

Funny Quotes

https://www.aswadwrites.in/funny-quotes/

Funny Quotes

Experiencing issues and depression is inevitable in existence. Sometimes, Funny Quotes can help up loosen up a piece. Here we’ve got gathered Funny Quotes and sayings which can help you be happier and help you sense higher. Here’s a group of funny quotes and humorous mind to tickle your funny bone. As you try your nice to juggle with paintings, children, family, housework, friends, pastimes and a zillion of other stuff, allow a number of those funny quotations and from time to time silly quotes loosen up you and bring some lightheartedness into your day. If you want to laugh louder and you are searching for funny Quotes then don’t worry we are here for you. we are providing the best collection of Funny Quotes. Hope, You will Enjoy.

Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes For Fun

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

I and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’

Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.

At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

Read:Top Collection Love Shayari in Hindi

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say ‘How to Build a Boat.’

There was a time when people said, ‘Jim if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.’ Now they just say, ‘Pay him!’

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.

The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.

Short Funny Quotes

A great social success is a pretty girl who plays her cards as carefully as if she were plain. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome. – Golda Meir

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. – Kahlil Gibran

Just because something is beautiful doesn’t mean it’s good. – Alex Flinn

Beauty isn’t about having a pretty face. It’s about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, & a pretty soul. – unknown

It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it’s not, it’s a visa, and it runs out fast. – Julie Burchill

Often a noble face hides filthy ways. – Euripides

The faces that have charmed us the most escape us the soonest.

Never steal. The government hates competition.

Smile…It confuses people..!!

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

Read: Cool Whatsapp Status Collection 2018

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Short Funny Quotes

Save paper, don’t do home work.

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

Save water and shower together.

It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

Adults are just kids with money.

Funny Quotes About Life And Love

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d walk through an endless garden of roses.

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Life is like flying an airplane. You’ll be pushed around, have your ups, downs and even upside downs, but try hard enough and you’ll land where your heart desires.

If the path is beautiful, let us not question where it leads.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy – her heart.

Read: Cute Love Status Quotes For Her 2018

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Love is the only two player game in which both players can win.

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

Do butterflies feel humans in their stomach when they’re in love?

Funny Quotes About Life And Love

I’ll flirt with you every day.

Love is like jumping out of an airplane knowing that someone else has packed your chute. You pull the cord hoping that a canopy opens up, but it could very well be packed full of dirty laundry and a half-eaten cheese sandwich.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

The sincerest love is the love of food.

Funny Quotes About School

“Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today’s world — an assigned parking space.” — Gene Perret

“In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” — Tom Bodett

“It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.” — Epictetus

“No wonder the teacher knows so much; she has the book.” — Edgar Watson Howe

“Some students drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.” — E.C. McKenzie

“Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.” — Will Durant

“People learn something every day, and a lot of times it’s that what they learned the day before was wrong.” — Bill Vaughan

“Education helps you earn more. But not many schoolteachers can prove it.” — E. C. McKenzie

 “Work hard, nap hard.” — Demi Lovato

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Funny Quotes About School

“The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn’t stop until you get to school.” — Milton Berle

“Nothing grieves a child more than to study the wrong lesson and learn something he wasn’t suppose to.” — E.C. McKenzie

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.  –Edgar W. Howe

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.  –Bill Watterson

The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school.  –Haruki Murakami

“When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.” — Mark Twain

“If people did not do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.” — Ludwig Wittgenstein

“Education costs money, but then so does ignorance.” — Claus Moser

Funny Quotes About Friends

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. –Bernard Meltzer

Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go. -Margaret Walker

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. –Benjamin Franklin

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall , I will pick you up… after I finish laughing. -Unknown

You don’t lose friends because real friends can never be lost. You lose people masquerading as friends and you’re better for it.  –Mandy Hale

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’ –Groucho Marx

Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans. -Unknown

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Funny Quotes About Friends

If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything. -Unknown

I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something. -Unknown

Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive. -Unknown

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. -Oprah Winfrey

Best friend: the one that you can mad only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them. -Unknown

A good friend is a connection to life — a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.  –Lois Wyse

Short Funny Quotes About Life

How’s your health?’ ‘It’s enough for life!’

Life always turns out not as you want but as it should be.

Death takes away the best people. It means that I will live long and long.

It would be nice to live as everyone else, but my conscience wouldn’t let me.

A simple rule to follow in your life: do your best and let God do the rest.

If the music is too loud – most probably you’re too old.

I do very bad things, and I do them extremely well.

Life belongs to optimists. Pessimists are just viewers.

Life is so short to ruin it for everyone.

Shit happens, just flush it down and move on.

Some days I just don’t have enough middle fingers to go around…

I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know

I’m not blonde. – Dolly Parton

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Short Funny Quotes About Life

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. – Robert A. Heinlein

There is no elevator to success – you have to take the stairs.

It’s Friday today and all I have planned for tonight is drinking and drinking. Oh and, did I mention drinking?

The older you get, the better you get, unless you are a banana.

Constant change is here to stay.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. – W. C. Fields

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. – Jackie Collins

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. – Lily Tomlin

Funny Quotes About Life In General

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? – Steven Wright

~ Born to be wild – live to outgrow it. – Lao Tzu

~For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. – Clifton Fadiman

~Life is just one damned thing after another. – Elbert Hubbard

~After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say, “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!” – William S. Burroughs

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. – Woody Allen

~ Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. – William Shakespeare

~ Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about. – Sam Ewing

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Funny Quotes About Life In General

~I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it. – Charles Schulz

We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public. – Bryan White

~ Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. – George Bernard Shaw

~ Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. – Author unknown

~ If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. – Steven Wright

“An inordinate passion for pleasure is the secret to remaining young.” – Oscar Wilde

“One day, you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.” – Paulo Coelho

“Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves.” – Henry David Thoreau

“You cannot control how you feel, but you can always choose how you act.” – Mel Robbins

“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.” – C.G. Jung

Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

Sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people.–Elizabeth Green

You’ve got to invest in the world, you’ve got to read, you’ve got to go to art galleries, you’ve got to find out the names of plants. You’ve got to start to love the world and know about the whole genius of the human race. We’re amazing people.–Vivienne Westwood

Life isn’t fair. A fair’s a place where you eat corn dogs and ride the ferris wheel.–Jennifer Brown

You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things.–Jamie Tworkowski

You have to believe in yourself. That’s the secret.–Charlie Chaplin“

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Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. –Henry David Thoreau

Never chase love, affection, or attention. However, if it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.–Unknown“

Sometimes rejection in life is really redirection.–Tavis Smiley

How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and with that one, is what we are doing. –Annie Dillard“

Nothing will ruin your twenties more than thinking you should already have your life together.–Unknown

Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in your life, and your behavior decides who stays in your life.–Ziad K. Abdelnour “

Embrace the glorious mess that you are.–Elizabeth Gilbert

The coolest thing is when you don’t care about being cool.–Rick Owens

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