#WHY IS THIS SO LONG SORRYYYYYY

[whiskeyswifty]

am i the only one who feels like a lot of Taylor's vocal show-off moments (honestly all just her belting the lyrics) sound rather strained and are barely off her simply yelling? No doubt she can sing, but sometimes I see a video on my dash that has people hyping up her vocal performance and it is not all that impressive... But I don't know if I simply am a hater, generally not always impressed by belting (which is not the end all be all of vocal performances), or if others feel this way too.

I feels the same in the sense that while I enjoy when she sings a certain way that’s emotional or evocative of something, I’m never impressed by her vocals in the way that I think they’re extraordinary in talent or skill. I don’t think most of the (sane) Swifties would say she’s an extraordinary vocalist in the typical sense either. They are likely impressed by what she’s showing she’s capable of compared to her average vocal stylings, but not compared to her peers. The main thing that has historically been associated with the great vocalists of the modern age has been range, which Taylor has little of. She’s no Beyoncé or Ariana Grande or lady Gaga or Adele in terms of range and power, the kind of singers who are true natural talents, that’s for sure. But I’d say that’s not the only kind of vocal style there is, and never has been the only style.

Within different vocal styles, other artists can find their sound and figure out how to employ their voice in ways that may not be traditional, but are equally as effective and pleasant to hear. You can look at people like Phoebe and Billie who have a sound that’s soft and gritty at the same time, very emotionally evocative and delicate, that conveys the intimacy and melancholy they’re aiming for. Lana had a very limited range but within it she has almost a free form way of crooning that she distorts with echos and such to create a larger sounding atmosphere and voice than she has, and it suits the satirical motifs she is playing with. Doja is another, who is actively not trying to even sing in the classic way we’d call “pretty” but rather is playing fast and loose with her voice to emote heavily, mock, and even sing what you could call musical jokes by singing in whacky characters. There are soooo many others in this day and age who have carved out their own style!

For Taylor, I’d say her voice is definitely stronger and more defined than it used to be, and her lower register has grown as she aged. But it’s still a very limited range and she has very limited vocal acrobatics compared to others who can riff, make seamless jumps between low and high notes, etc etc. I’d say she knows this and has the great fortune of writing her own songs herself, so she writes for her abilities and has created a style for herself that she’s comfortable in. She can highlight her strengths, like her ability to emote, and stay in the ranges she sounds strongest, and so on. Sometimes she pushes up against the the boundaries of her range, and as far as I can tell she hits the notes fine, but they are at the very edges of her ability. That’s where the strain comes from that you’re probably hearing, and sometimes I hear it too. It doesn’t bother me as much, but that’s totally fair if it bothers you! Her belt is closer to a yell, I agree, but that’s also her style. She’s turned it into her style at least, the same way rock musicians have done their yell-singing in the past you could say. And that’s been an acceptable and enjoyable way to hear rock musicians sing for decades now, it’s just less common in pop. But it’s not always a style that works for everyone, for sure. It’s more of a strategic way of singing than any kind of extraordinary natural vocal talent, but being able to develop this strategic singing style is a talent in and of itself you could say.

Personally, as much as I love the voice Taylor has and the comfort it brings, I don’t come to Taylor for her wide ranging vocal stylings. I’d say her concerts are more sing-a-longs than going to hear her voice sing live, which is entertaining in how she uses it theatrically but not exactly impressive insofar as the range and power I talked about before. I can compare it to a recent Beyoncé concert i went to where the crowd was relatively quiet as Beyoncé sang because her voice is truly incredible to behold, like it just fills the space and the air and takes a hold of you like nothing else. You are there to witness and hear the incredible range and control that she has over her natural and refined talent. Both very entertaining shows and artists that offer totally different things for different people, but both of them using their voices to their desired effects and ultimately to achieve the same ends: both of them playing the exact same stadiums to sold out crowds who leave immensely satisfied.

[perenlop]

kinda insane how bigotry infects everything. i still dont feel good checking out the campus lgbt group despite being a senior now bc of the passive aggressive lesbophobia i got earlier

[sovaharbor]

honestly the worst thing abt this tho is that as much as i am attached to that worldstate i KNOW i cannot use it in da4 because ive just. wriggled my claws in so deep and for inqusition especially there is sooo much i've changed bc the writing in inquisition drives me BONKERS. so like. i just know whatever they say in da4 i am probably just inherently going to hate, so i NEED to work on a new worldstate (and i am actively attempting to) but ..... guh. effort.

[deus-ex-mona]

my day in two pictures:

[danikoshi-doodles]

9, 12, or 16!!

How bout I do all of em

"What drawing program do you use?"

Medibang Paint, but I've been thinking of switching alot lately. Medibang is a relatively simple program which is great for certain folks like beginners, but I've now started to feel unsatisfied and limited by it.

Like good luck finding a decent textured brush lmao. After having to use Photoshop for school, my eyes were opened.

"Draw one of your favorite characters in 15 seconds."

Imma be real with you here. The reason why this ask took a bit to answer is cuz I could not decide who to draw here. Indecisive is a core personality trait of mine 🤩

But since I'm catching up on Mob Psycho 100 and crying...

Crappy 15 second doodle of my boy Shigeo "Mob" Kageyama

"What kind of tablet do you use?"

Currently using a Huion HS64. It's screenless, the stylus is batteryless, it can connect to a phone, and most importantly, it was cheap. The online shop my mom and I ordered it from happened to be on two sales at once, so we snagged it at a discount for only like... Just over 1k PHP (20 US bucks I think)

Pretty solid in quality for a cheap tablet tho, but I do dream of getting a screened tablet soon.

[gamarancianne]

Azriel x reader - In Between part III

Part I, part II

Summary: after the disastrous family dinner, you started to get yourself up again by going on dates with a guy working in your coffee shop. But what happens when, by denying your irresponsible acts, you start to hurt your friend

Warning: angst, toxic guy, denial, so much denial, kinda rude Lucien, mean and rude reader, hurt, smut if you squint, and allusion to slut, anxiety, overthinking, regret, lots of regret. Not proofread, my English.

Note: sorryyyyyy for the angst babes but I promise the next part will be *chef kiss*. Love you all ! Thanks again for the love, the support and above all the understanding of my pause 💗💗💗

Also I wanted to say that i move when you react by reblogging or commenting it makes my days !!!

The ring of the coffee shop you worked in, pulled you out of your well deserved dream. Since you started working again, you sunk again in the meanness and the rudeness of the many customers that came in and almost insulted you ordering their coffee.

What you didn't expect was that it was Feyre, your High Lady who came in. You stilled, back high in your position, your eyes wide open. Her eyes scanned the small and cozy room and brightened when they found your frozen figure. She smiled brightly at you and you felt like you were looking at the sun. She approached the counter and said:

"Hello you !

-High Lady." You bowed your head. She pouted.

"I thought I already told you not to call me that. I'm Feyre to you.

-Right, sorry Hi-Feyre.

- Don't apologize". Her smile returned to her beautiful face. Awkward you asked her:

"So what do you want on the menu.. I have a few favorites if you want advice."

You wondered why did she come in your coffee shop where as there were many that were way more luxurious.

"Oh I didn't want anything, I wanted to see you.

-Me ? But-

- Yes you, I didn't particularly wanted to talk to the wall behind you".

You chuckled at your nervousness.

"I, again, apologize for the mean and completely undeserved behaviour of my sister a few days ago".

The sun of her face was instantly replaced by dense and grey clouds as remembering this bad memory.

"Don't worry really ! It's not your fault, you should not feel guilty about something you haven't done. You haven't been anything but nice and kind to me when I arrived at your private home, kinda inviting the space and the calm of your family.

-No no no ! I feel like you help Lucien a lot, and since he got here it was difficult to talk through what happened to us but I really care about him you know, so I feel delighted to know that someone else does too. And I liked you since I saw you so I wanted to know you!

-It means a lot to me Feyre, really, I liked you too, you're an incredible woman."

She put a hand on her heart, her sea eyes full of emotions and love.

"Well maybe I'll trust you and order something. Get me your favorite!"

You smiled at her and prepared her order, she paid you way more than needed and left after waving goodbye and promising to return to see you maybe with Nyx.

Even serving mean customers, your day had been way better since Feyre came in to say hello. As you were closing the shop, Aaron, the brown haired guy who worked with you was waiting for someone outside. You started walking on the street to your appartment he came to you blushing.

"Hey yn? He asked awkwardly.

-Yes ? You turned to him questioning.

-You know, from a very long time I think you're really kind, and smart and pretty. And I wanted to ask you three weeks ago but you stopped working so it's now or never. I'd really want to go to dinner with you if you'd like.

-Oh my gods that's really kind of you ! Why not ? When do you want to go ?

-Are you free tonight I know a nice restaurant down the street ? He asked relieved from your former response.

-Yes let's go ! I didn't know it before but it seems really nice."

Your walk to the dinner was filled with laughter et joy. It's atmosphere was warm and cozy, just what you needed. You both ate in a comforting silence and he walked you back home.

"I just want to make myself clear. He said hesitantly. Tonight was a date, for me, I like you a lot so..

-Don't worry, it was one for me as well, I've really enjoyed it, it was a nice evening thank you for paying by the way.

-No problem. Then, since we both agree on that, what would you say about another one in 2 or 3 days?

-Yes I would appreciate that ! We'll organise that tomorrow though because I'm really tired now and all I want is to jump under my covers.

-Yeah of course.. yeah see ya !" He kissed you on the corner of your lips and you saw him shrink as walked the down the fairy lit street of Velaris.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The days at work were now so much more joyful and you appreciated it a lot. Your coffee guy and you had been on 4 dates lately and you had one again tonight at the same restaurant. You were disappointed in the fact that you both did exactly the same things as dates but he was nice so you brushed it off. You haven't told anything to Lucien yet, and you could bet that he had guessed because of the suspicious looks he gave you when you would go to work. The bell rang again and Feyre came in for third time in the week. She had been coming with Nyx lately, today was an exception, because he seemed to like you, even to be enamoured with you. That's what Feyre had said. You loved him too, he was so small and so cute with his cheeks burning red everytime you would come up to him and kiss him on the nose or the forehead. You brightly smiled at her but she seemed a bit off today. You frowned a little and when she arrived at the counter you took her and led her to a more private table. You could see she was thankful thanks to her beaming eyes.

"What's happening Fey?"

You had a thing with nicknames, it was your own love language. Everytime you would meet someone new, and that you liked them of course, they would end up with a nickname of yours, even your high lady.

"Well, Rhys and I are really really tired because of the parenthood and we haven't had time for ourselves, I mean our relationship lately. Plus with the tiredness, we argued this morning and said bad things that we didn't mean but nobody apologized for now. And I would've liked if Rhys and I could go to a 3 days maybe 2, vacation at the cabin to rest and enjoy eachother a little...

-Do you want me to babysit Nyx ? You cut her off and she seemed embarrassed to ask you that.

-Well, I know we've been friends just for a short period of time but Nyx only wants you to babysit him, we've tried everyone but he can't seem to stop crying or asking you if you aren't the one to keep an eye on him. I'm really sorry yn.

-Hey Fey, don't worry really. You brushed an arm on her shoulder to ease her tension. I asked because I wanted to offer my help, there's no need to be embarrassed, of course I will stay with this little demon. And you know, even if it's not since a long time, I value and cherish a lot our blooming friendship."

She hugged you tightly and you did as well.

"Also, enjoy Rhys and don't worry you can even go one week if you want. But do you mind if on the morning I come here with Nyx, unfortunately I can't stop work.

-Really ? Oh my gods you really are the bestest friend!! And yes he loves your coffee shop anyway. Are you free to start tonight ?"

You nodded and she hugged you goodbye and stormed off the shop surely to inform Rhys, a big smile on her beautiful face.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The day at the shop had been quite calm and relaxing, on the contrary of usual. You had cancelled your date and he seemed a bit mad, but you understood so you brushed it off. You were walking to the townhouse now, listening to the lovely music of the talented artists of the rainbow. As you walked through the door, Rhys came at you, eyes thankful as ever, and hugged you saying that it meant a lot to him and that you were helping him with his relationship and he was so grateful for that. You reassured him and after discussing with Fey she led you to the little Lord of the night who was playing with a giant figure that seemed way too familiar to you to be at ease, before running into your arms and screaming your name. The figure flinched and stilled before beautiful Hazel eyes sunk into yours and you lost yourself in the beauty of the male sat before you. Azriel. He was there, playing with Nyx and his toys and you were hugging back Nyx, hung on your legs. Feyre quickly hugged you goodbye and vanished away when her and Rhys windowed straight to the cabin. You couldn't move, you were frozen on your feet but Nyx pulled you sat in front of Azriel.

"Let's play with my favorite aunt and uncle !"

He was so oblivious to what was going on between you and Azriel, so innocent. It was kinda cute but you couldn't think of that I that moment.

"He wanted me to stay but not without you, I'm sorry if I make you feel awkward. Azriel explained, eyes filled with genuine apologies.

-Dont worry, he's the little king after all, he gets to decide."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

On the contrary of what you had expected, Azriel, Nyx and you had had a very good week. Azriel and you were really organized: while you were working he would take Nyx out flying and is he had reports or little missions to do you would take the little Lord to the coffee shop and under the hard gaze of your coffee guy, Azriel would come pick you both up. The night you would both play, read and then put Nyx in bed with a kiss. After the conversation was not awkward at all, you discussed a little bit of everything in your life: Azriel had told you the story behind the siphons he had and the Carynthian trial, what a fool you were asking him the first time where you could buy them. And you told Azriel the story behind the library coffee shop you held, the fact that being a girl you weren't given the chance to read and always admired the beautiful books in a library or a bookshop, so you decided to allow people who couldn't afford books to read, especially if they loved it. You talked and talked and laughed, but never ever has the infamous subject been approached. But it was better this way, to move on and everything.

Tonight was the last night with Nyx and after a flying time, a picnic near the Sidra, and a 3 scoops ice scream on the way back home, Nyx was now in his pajamas and ready to go to sleep after a big day of activities. But he wouldn't manage sleeping if you weren't in bed with him pretending to sleep as well.

That's the reason why you found yourself tangled on the couch with Azriel, an almost sleeping Nyx on your lap while the former was reading him a story. Gods that voice of his ! It was so attractive.. how could you move on to that ?? You were almost eye fucking him at this point. But in effort to not make a fool of yourself, you closes your eyes and tried to relax a little. But what you didn't expect was to fall asleep with his voice, which he didn't expect too. He found himself with Nyx and the beautiful female he would like to call his asleep on him. Oh gods he was panicking. He didn't really realise you were asleep on him. YOU WERE SLEEPING ON HIM !!! Azriel was trying to catch his breath to no wake you up but it was difficult knowing that you laid on his chest, holding tightly his shirt, clearly a sleeping beauty. So he relaxed himself as well and fell asleep too.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You felt sunlight peak through your eyes closed but they felt too heavy to open them and wake up. Plus you were so comfortable, it was warm and there was tight arms hugging your waist and chest.

But around 5 minutes later, your mind found consciousness again when you hear little giggles coming from above you. You opened your eyes and saw two pairs of icy and violet eyes looking straight at you, glistening with joy and mischief. You wondered why until yours went wide as you realised the arms and the warm wave from the one and unique Azriel. Rhys bursted out of laughter at your panicked face and Feyre poked and scolded him for wakening Azriel. Because yes, he did. And Nyx woke up too, jumping on his parents still laughing at now two panicked faces. After thanking both of you, Feyre and Rhys seemed to be having their own secret conversation because of the way their eyes went glassy in a matter of seconds. So you jumped on the opportunity to flee, to run away from this damn situation. What have you done ?!

Arriving at your appartment the door was open so you assumed Lucien had stayed in. Coming in you were met with him yelling at you.

"Have you lost your mind ?"

You had never seen him like that and you didn't understand why.

"What ? What's going on Lu?

-Don't Lu me right now, that's not the time ! I've learnt that you were having dates with a guy for 2 weeks now? And besides the fact that you haven't told me anything, which I'm upset for, that damn guy came today. He was fuckibg banging at the door, almost crashing it ! When I opened, we both explained our situation with you, he got mad, started yelling that you were going to fucking pay for the fact that you were avoiding him and seeing another male he saw you with !

-Dont worry Lu, I don't see anyone else, I was just babysittkng Nyx with Az, that's all.

-But I don't care about that! That's not the fucking problem! The damn thing is that this guy is a walking Red flag! He screams toxic a hundred miles away ! And seeing him yelling like a godsdamned animal earlier, it wouldn't surprise me for him to be an abuser! So stop seeing him please !

-What ? No ? You're emphasising Lu, he's not like that I promise, he's kind and nice to me!

-Please yn.. I've seen him.. I dont want you to get hurt."

The whole conversation was starting to upset you. You hadn't slept a lot, had woken up awkward as hell and you hadn't even put a feet in your own appartment that your best friend started screaming at you for a guy he didn't even know.

"Okay Lucien." He stilled, you never called him that usually.

"It's not because your own relationship didn't work that you have to have a word on mine or ruin it for me to still be the pitiful single not-even-bestfriend of yours."

He opened his mouth, ready to talk back but nothing came out of it. You saw the big pained look in his eye and immediately regretted your action.

"Oh my gods Lu, I'm so sorry I didn't me-

-As you said.. don't Lu me right now." He said cold voice starting to walk to the doors.

"NO PLEASE LU!" It was your turn to scream now.

He slammed the door shut, and you cried your whole heart out: you were such an ass. No wonder why Azriel, then Elain and now Lucien had walked away from you. You hurt everything and everyone you loved. Feyre might even be pretending to be your friend. You only felt just an ounce of relief when the cool breeze of a shadow caressed your the back of your neck.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The shadow had stayed the day and helped you with everything. It was comforting really and you needed it. You blamed yourself for what happened with Lucien earlier, really you did and you only thought about that. But you still went to work and met your coffee guy who proposed a date the night for you to make it up for the lost time. That's what he had said with a wink. You had nodded but hadn't said anything, a little hurt by what he said. Maybe Lucien was right after all ? No that couldn't be possible. You couldn't possibly be terrible in every relationship choices you made ? So you agreed and back home before the date, you decided that you would indeed make up for the lost time. You dressed yourself in a long blue dress with your back naked, attached your hair in a stylised bun and put on mascara and red lips. You were really sexy and beautiful. For once you could admit it and call you that.

The dinner went well and on the door, he kissed fervently. At first you were shocked but still answered to the sloppy kiss. He pinned you on your door and after a pressing unlock, he slammed it and carried you to your bed for what you thought to be a sleepless night.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It was a sleepless night indeed, but not like you thought it would be. He wasn't even food in bed and you had spent the entire night regretting it but fearing of just moving an inch. You had just been staring at the ceiling wondering what had you done again and thinking about the fact that you should have listened to Lucien. Panicking again, in a too short period of time, you sensed again the shadow curling against your neck, as if it was comforting you.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Taglist:

@mirandasidefics @63angel @leeknows-wife @thehighlordishere @annaaaaa88 @starsinyourseyes @oucereeng @wallacewillow0773638 @kalulakunundrum

Sorry for the tags that didn't work I couldn't find your accounts :/

[pokemenlovingmen]

Random selection of Pokeguys with this old classic:

Character: “I wasn’t that drunk last night!”

“You were flirting with S/O.”

Character: “So? He’s my boyfriend.”

“You asked him if he was single.”

“And then cried when he said he wasn’t.”

… you guys know the one I’m talking about right? A big fandom meme but I can’t find the og, if there even was a non fandom-affiliated og. This is probably really convoluted for a shitpost lmao I’m sorry, this is just silly goofiness to me while I wait for requests and the guys here were just kinda picked by who I thought would be the most fun to write.

Content warnings: alcohol consumption and drunkenness

Adaman

💎 — Emotionally devastated but trying so hard not to show it

💎 — Considering he was sloppy-ass drunk enough to ask you, HIS BOYFRIEND, if you were single that’s not really something he’s doing great at

💎 — “Oh nooo that’s so… I’m sorry… oh noooo you’re just so pretty :(“

💎 — He stares vacantly off into the distance, holding back tears while you stare at him and wonder how long it’s gonna take for him to realize.

💎 — It’s kinda pathetic so you give up the joke and tell him the truth, to which he ACTUALLY bursts into tears.

💎 — “Hweuuuhhh Mighty Dialga is truly gracious and kind to have blessed me with your love I’m so luckyyyyyyyyy”

💎 — Just leans against you and sobs for a while, while you pet his hair and try to console him and insist this is real life, and that you’re sorry about the trick. Mai and Irida, who are watching the whole thing, are NOT sorry you pulled this one because it’s fucking hysterical

Melli

💙 — WAILS

💙 — Cue incoherent sobbing into your shoulder about why Mighty Dialga hates him so much that it would torment him with the ethereal beauty that you are that he’s forbidden to have

💙 — If only they existed in Hisui, you might want to grab a velvet chaise for him to lay on and sob dramatically in a very theatrical pose

💙 — When you finally give up the joke and tell him that the person you’re dating is, in fact, him, it’s like you just clicked the off switch. I mean, the tears are definitely still flowing but he shuts up instantly and stares at you like you’ve grown a second head.

💙 — Then starts fanning his face, still clearly crying while trying to look all smug and confident.

💙 — “HMMMMMPH of course I knew that, only I would be worthy of your company anyway” (still visibly crying a river)

💙 — Clings to your side the entire night and also looks like a pathetic wet rat while he does it

Red

��� — :(

🔥 — visible despair

🔥 — sad shinji meme

🔥 — he just kind of. sulks. pouting very dramatically.

🔥 — I mean good for you and whoever you’re seeing but he’s very drunk and to him you’re like the hottest man on earth right now??

🔥 — Eventually you put your arm around him and hit him with the “Red honey, I was talking about you. You’re the other person I’m seeing.”

🔥 — …

🔥 — :,D

🔥 — prommy????

Ingo

⚫️ — INSTANT ugly crying but not for the reason you think actually.

⚫️ — “WAUUGH PLEASE FORGIVE MY RUDENESS I DIDN’T MEAN TO IMPOSE I AM SO IGNORANT PLEASE TELL YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER I’M SORRYYYYYY”

⚫️ — I mean yeah, he’s also upset you’re apparently not single but all he can think about is how much he must have offended you and AUGH you’re so handsome and sweet and he was so clueless please don’t take it personally he doesn’t really know what’s gotten into him!!!

⚫️ — Probably the one you have to drop the joke the fastest with because you were NOT expecting this reaction at all and between all the sobbing and shouting you’re starting to worry about when the last time he actually took a breath was.

⚫️ — You end up needing to rub his back and scream your own apologies to him because you were only joking, the person you were dating is HIM!

⚫️ — At this he’s now just crying for a different reason, because he’s so lucky and you’re so handsome and he doesn’t know what he did to deserve this.

⚫️ — He calms down pretty fast after that, but never mention that incident to him again

⚫️ — He already doesn’t drink much and remembering how dramatic and off kilter he was being that night just has him actually wanting to curl up in a hole and just. Live there.

Emmet

⚪️ — “Oh! Okay then!”

⚪️ — You’re a bit surprised by his unfazed reaction for being absolutely piss drunk, but after delivering that line he immediately pivots on his heel and speedwalks the hell away.

⚪️ — You call his name at first, and when he doesn’t respond and also looks DEAD SET on leaving whatever event you guys are at, you have to run after him calling his name all the while.

⚪️ — Drunk Emmet thought process: Dear lord, I’ve made a horrible mistake. I am extremely embarrassed. I’m going to immediately vacate the area and probably never come back.

⚪️ — You practically corner him because he is so, so fixated on leaving out of sheer embarrassment when you explain you were just messing with him and the person you’re already dating? That’s him.

⚪️ — By the look on his face, he practically needs one of those little buffering wheels above his head, because he is thinking HARD about this. His entire worldview has shattered. The earth has stopped turning. His wig is gone.

⚪️ — Eventually he just… climbs into your arms and lets you take him back to where you guys were. Both extremely embarrassed for a totally different reason now while simultaneously being in complete and total awe that sober him scored someone like you. Woah.

[arctorres]

How did you get into Rogues! ? I just finished it and it’s buzzing around my head, lol

ok so i swear i didn’t ignore you on purpose i just had no idea how this worked lol

i got into rogues a little over a year ago because one of my friends started listening to it and spent like half a year trying to convince me to listen. eventually i finally did and well you can see how intensely that hyperfixation hit me lol

my friend is a whole lot more into batman and all the gotham characters (she loves the riddler a lot) but i was always more into the justice league (specifically superman, wonder woman, and batman as a team) so that’s why it took her so long to get me to listen to it

but yeah no i love them very much and scarecrow was always my favourite villain, the concept of fear as a weapon was just too awesome for little ten year old me not to love

anyway here’s a quick doodle of a very tired jon cuz i feel bad for ignoring you i’m sorryyyyyy :]

[forwhump]

a/n; IM SORRYYYYYY I feel like I haven’t posted anything in forever here’s something horrible to make up for it <3 (wren’s tortured again in this one)(but outside pov this time ! fun fun 🤩)(not actually fun tho v upsetting) (basically point murders a family but uses them to fuck w wren a little bit first)

word count: 4.5k

tw/cw: gun violence, sexual violence, rape/noncon, mass murder, misgendering (constant but unintentional)(also intentional), transphobia, psychological torture, imprisonment, implied sexual slavery

creepy whumper, outside pov

Running so hard he doesn’t have time to stop himself, Jonny collides with his mother’s kitchen door with enough force that his teeth rattle in his jaw. Benny, running behind him, collides with his back, and the added weight of him forces open the old door and they go sprawling across the kitchen floor together.

For a second, everything is almost normal. Mama’s standing over her cutting board. Billie’s burning something at the stove. Jenny’s sitting at the kitchen table, pretending to get work done but really playing solitaire on her laptop. They’d all moved home again to help Mama out with the farm and the house after their dad had died randomly and unexpectedly. It was nice, for a time, having them all together again. Jonny isn’t usually a sap, but it was nice. Until this.

Until the weirdo moved into Meadow. Meadow’s a farm, so to speak, and it’s on farmland, but it’s fenced off from the rest of the world with rows of tall trees. The place had been empty for a long time; it was weird anybody had moved in at all. It was weirder that the guy kept so much to himself. It made the choice of farm make sense, but it made him stick out like a sore thumb. People just aren’t like that in this corner of the world. With farms miles wide, neighbours aren’t close, so efforts have to be made to get to know them. You visit. You greet. You help out when you can. Town socials. It’s just what everybody does — except this guy.

Makes more sense now, though. The privacy. The secrecy.

“Slow down,” Mama chastises, as the both of them scramble up from the floor. “You’re too old now to be playing like that.”

Jenny scoffs. “Dorks.”

“Call the police,” Benny wheezes.

Mama looks up again. “What?”

“Call the police,” Jonny pants, and as soon as he’s on his feet, he slams the kitchen door shut, bolting it as quickly as he can with shaking hands.

“Jesus,” Billie says.

“What?” Mama repeats, putting her knife down to brush off her hands.

“You pick that thing up again right now,” Jonny commands. “Keep that in your hand. Call the police with the other. Jenny,” he orders. “You’re already on your phone. Call them, too. Get everybody out here.”

“Why?” Mama asks, but she does grab the knife. “What did you do?”

Benny shakes his head quickly. He’d managed to pull himself into a chair at the table, still catching his breath. Bit of a stoner these days, Benny. Better hope they don’t need to do a lot more running. Better hope the police get here before that guy does.

“Call, Mama!” Jonny snaps.

“What’s going on?” Billie asks. She’s a stoner, too. Useless lot of them. Not that running or sharp reflexes is gonna do a lot of good against that much military grade ammunition.

“Did you call, Jenny?” Jonny snaps.

“You know we have no service out here,” Jenny says with a snort, not looking up from the screen, too calm. “Mama has to call.”

“Are you calling?”

Mama isn’t. She’s hesitating. “I won’t if it’ll get you boys in a lot of trouble.”

“Oh my God,” Benny finally roars, “he’s got a girl, Mama!”

All three of the girls look up at the same time. Not appropriately shocked, but they’re getting there.

“What?” Jenny says.

“And so many guns,” Jonny says.

“And weird shit,” Benny adds. “Weird weapons. Weird torture shit.”

“And a girl,” Jonny repeats. “We thought she was dead, Mama, that’s why we went in —”

“You went in?” Billie asks, horrified.

At the same time, light explodes through the big window above the sink. Obnoxious headlights are swung towards their kitchen, the way they had run.

“He’s here,” Benny says.

“I’ll call!” Jonny shouts, and launches himself at the phone.

It’s dead. Almost comically, the phone is dead.

“Okay,” he says, and slams it back on the receiver. “Which one of you useless fucks was supposed to make sure the phone bill was paid?”

“Phone was Billie,” Jenny says.

“No, it wasn’t,” Billie says. “It was you, Jonny.”

Something slams against the kitchen door with a force that splinters the wood towards the centre.

Jenny screams.

Jonny says, “fuck!”

The door is kicked in. Jonny hadn’t actually seen their neighbour, not himself, not yet, just a fraction of the inside of his house and the bleeding, naked corpse he was keeping chained up inside. He sees him now as he fills the kitchen doorway. He’s a big fucking guy.

Fuck.

He’s got a big fucking gun in one hand. He’s keeping the girl slung over his shoulder with the other. Her hair is really long, and it’s kind of pink. Probably with blood, Jonny realizes, and it makes it hard to look at her.

Their neighbour looks at each of them, and there’s something not right in his eyes — he doesn’t have human eyes. He has the eyes of an animal.

Jonny doesn’t mean to, but he takes a step back.

He smirks, and Jonny almost takes another one. “What’s wrong?” He asks. His accent is deep, slow and Texan. It sounds fake. “Y’all were just so keen to meet me. And here,” he says, and lifts the girl off his shoulder to drop her, limp, onto the linoleum. He’d clothed her, but he’d dressed her in some stupid little doll dress. She’s so thin, in fact, her skin, where it isn’t bruised, so waxy, she almost looks like she could be a doll. Emaciated, probably, is the word for it. She’s probably dying, actually, and if she’s not, she’s probably getting there; she looks a lot like the way dying people are supposed to look. “Since you were so keen to get a good look at my wife.”

“Your wife?” Billie repeats.

Not a lot of her skin is waxy, in fact, because most of her is mottled in bruises or pink, shiny burns. Her hair is pink with bleeding. Her head moves a little, but she’s still face down, and she doesn’t move at all after that. For the second time that night, Jonny’s certain he’s looking at a corpse.

“Purty,” he says. “Ain’t she?”

“Oh my God,” Mama breathes.

“Oh my God,” he mocks, “how rude of me. I haven’t met you yet,” he says, and points, with his gun, at Mama. “I’m Darren. I’m your neighbour on Meadow. In the house your boys broke into.”

He keeps pointing it at her. She’s still holding a knife, but it’s a big fucking gun. Who brings a knife to a gunfight? What are they supposed to do? “I’m sorry,” Mama says.

“You will be,” Darren answers.

Without warning and with a speed Jonny would swear was unnatural, he turns the gun on Jenny. He pulls the trigger, and the gun sprays ammunition. He blows a good chunk out of her face.

For a second, after the skin of her cheek and the grey of her brain have sprayed the wall behind her, her body stays upright. Then it slumps forward onto the table with a horribly wet sound and Benny just manages to push back from it before he leans over and throws up, splattered with blood and chunks of teeth. Jonny can’t tell his shouting from Mama’s, from Billie’s, from Benny’s once he starts.

“You should’ve stayed away from my house,” Darren says, and his voice isn’t Texan at all.

“I’m sorry,” Benny breathes.

Mama’s wailing, unintelligible, and Billie slides an arm around her.

Jonny doesn’t mean to but his legs give out and he sinks to his knees. His ears are ringing. He doesn’t want to look at Jenny, what’s left of her, but this close to the ground puts him too close to the neighbour’s wife and Jonny doesn’t want to look at her, either. He can’t help it.

“Not yet,” Darren says. He pulls the trigger again, blows Mama’s kneecap right out of her leg and she goes sprawling across the kitchen floor with a scream. The barrel is still hot, sizzling against Jonny’s skin as Darren uses it to tilt his face upwards by the chin. “You,” he says. “You’re looking awfully hard at my wife,” he says, and his fake accent is back. It’s hard to tell if he keeps forgetting to put it on or if it’s just a layer to fucking with them. Something psychological.

He looks too close at Jonny with those fucked up eyes and Jonny can’t say anything.

“You like what you see?” He asks, and he asks like there’s a right answer. Jonny has no idea what the right answer could be.

“Is she still alive?” Is what comes out, and it’s not the right answer.

He frowns. “Of course she’s still alive,” and kicks her hard in the side. She makes a soft sound, and it makes the hair on the back of Jonny’s neck stand up, but she makes a sound. She isn’t dead. Darren clicks his tongue. “C’mon, cowgirl. Rise and shine, now.” With his boot, he pushes her onto her back.

She makes another soft, horrible sound. Jonny inhales sharply. Slowly, she blinks up at the ceiling, wide eyed and probably dazed. She has startlingly dark eyes, and her left eyes, where it’s supposed to be white, is a dark, bleeding red.

Darren smiles with all his teeth and it’s unnatural the way it stretches across his face, like he’s wearing a mask that doesn’t quite fit. It doesn’t reach his eyes even a little bit. “There she is.”

“What?” The girl says, definitely dazed. Her voice is rougher than it looks like it would be. She sounds like she’s from Texas, too, but she sounds like her accent might be real. She blinks at the ceiling, vacant.

“It’s time to meet our neighbours, baby,” Darren says. “And you’re being awfully rude, sleeping through it.”

Her hands are tied tightly in front of her. Slowly, her head turns against the linoleum, just far enough that she looks, for the first time, at Jonny. For a long few moments, she looks right through him. Then she sees him, and something horrible dawns on her face. She looks quickly up at Darren, who grins again, grotesque. “What are you doing?” She breathes.

“They wanted to meet you,” he says. “And I know you’ve been getting lonely in that big ol’ house, only me around to keep you company.” He smirks as he looks up, and it’s still unnatural, but it reaches his eyes. He’s mean. “Used to have a lot of gentlemen callers, my girl. Didn’t you, baby? Wasn’t anything I could do to get her to keep her legs closed.”

She starts to sit up but Darren plants his boot hard in the centre of her chest, hard enough it knocks the wind out of her. She gasps.

Benny sniffles and says, “listen, man —“

“Listen, man,” Darren mocks. “I have been trying to mind my own business. We have been trying to keep to ourselves. You broke into my home. You put your hands on my wife.”

“Oh my God,” she says, still winded, but her words fold in disgust, “I’m not —“

He points the gun down into her face and says, “stop talking.” She does.

It had been pretty obvious something really fucked up was going on over on Meadow. It was weird anybody had moved in because it had been vacant for so long, and it had been vacant for so long because it just had such bad vibes. Anybody that came to look at it left and didn’t come back for it. It was too isolated. Creepy. Anybody that moved into that place had to be up to something. Jonny and Benny had been curious, that was all. Jonny had figured it was some weird, creep old man with a taxidermy hobby, that he’d borrow one of their horses sometime to fuel it. Benny had said doomsday prepper; Benny was closer, in the end. When the first thing they had seen were all the military weapons, they thought he was right, actually. The bound, naked girl that was obviously not his wife had thrown them off course a little.

And still, Jonny couldn’t have anticipated he’d be the kind of man to then show up in their kitchen to shoot his sister in the face. They’re all gonna die, right? That has to be how this ends. How else are they gonna get out of this? What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

Across the kitchen, crouched protectively next to Mama, Billie sniffles. “Jenny didn’t do anything. Jenny didn’t break into your house.”

“She knew too much,” Darren answers, lifting his head too quickly, jerky. “You all know too much now, matter of fact. Figured your boys wouldn’t do a good job of keeping their mouths shut.”

“Then what are you doing?” Billie asks. When did she get so brave? Jonny must’ve missed it while he was cowering. “Get it over with.”

“Nah,” he says, and grins again, most grotesque this time. It reaches too much of his weird eyes. “I wanted to play with y’all a little. And you,” he turns the gun suddenly on Jonny, “are still looking awfully hard at my wife.”

He’d been trying really hard not to look at her, in fact. He swallows, and it kind of hurts.

“C’mere,” Darren says.

It goes in one ear and leaves out the other. Jonny only looks at him. Swallows again.

“Now,” he orders, and the irritation that leaks into his voice clears it of the fake accent.

“What?” Jonny says.

Darren sucks his teeth and says, “come here, boy. If I have to repeat myself again I’ll put down your other sister.”

Billie inhales sharply.

Dazed, Jonny heaves himself to his feet. He staggers closer, closer to Darren, to the barrel of that fucking gun.

Darren lifts it and says, “go on, now. Since you’ve been so fuckin’ curious. Get a good look at her. Go on.”

With shaking legs, Jonny kneels again, somewhere close by her thigh. He tries not to touch her. It’s hard to look. She probably was very beautiful once; she looks really sick now.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly.

Darren points the gun at her again. “Stop. Talking.” She does, and he turns it back on Jonny. “Well? What do you think? Looker, isn’t she?”

Jonny doesn’t say anything. Swallows again.

The gun clicks. “Isn’t she?”

“Yes,” Jonny says.

“I know,” he agrees. He’s forgetting the accent. It’s starting to slip, replaced with something Northern, something more carefully militant. “You like what you see?”

“Yes,” he repeats.

“Go on, then,” Darren says, Texan. “Fuck my wife.”

Her knees close in time with Jonny’s leaning away. “What?” He says. Mama sobs, and Jonny hears it clearer than anything.

“Oh my God,” the girl says, and she sobs, too. “Point —“

He aims the gun at her. His face is completely blank. He’s probably old — he’s twenty years older than her, at least — his hair is starting to grey by the temples, but he has skin kinda like a doll. Jonny doesn’t think there’s anything artificial about it — he wonders if any sort of expression just doesn’t come naturally to this guy. “Don’t call me that,” he says, flat. Northern. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop talking?”

Jonny wonders if he’d really kill her. It doesn’t seem like she’d be so lucky; he’d probably just make it hurt.

She sobs again. Jonny wonders how long she’s been with Darren, and for how much of that time she’s been sick. He wonders how old she is. He wonders if he wants to know.

“Relax,” Darren says to her, dismissive and cruel. “You used to fuck dogs. You can take this.”

Her chest heaves with crying but there aren’t any tears. Jonny wonders if she just doesn’t have any left. “Shoot me,” she says, thick.

He does. He points the gun down and shoots her in the foot. Jonny scrambles away. The gunshot is loud, explosive; the sound she makes is soft. Wet. Her head lolls to one side.

Darren steps down hard on her foot and she barrels back into consciousness with a cry, something ear piercing. “Be a good girl,” he says, “and keep your eyes open. You,” he says, and points the gun at Jonny again. “Get back over here and fuck my wife.”

Jonny swallows audibly. What is he supposed to do? He’s gonna die anyway. But how much does he want it to hurt?

Maybe it doesn’t have to hurt. Maybe he won’t kill them. Maybe, if they just play along —

“Darren,” she’s sobbing. “Darren, I’m sorry, please —“

Darren’s mocking the way that she cries, a hitching sort of rasp of a sound. “Be a good girl, now,” he says, and he lays the accent on thick. “Hitch up your skirt, cowgirl.”

She covers her face with bound, trembling hands. Sobs something that sounds like, “I’m so tired.”

“You can lay right there, sugar,” Darren says. “You know you do your best work on your back.” She sobs, and he says, “lie back and think of Texas.”

She lowers her hands. She’s getting really pale. “I think about Silas,” is what she says.

Darren’s face falls, right back into something flat and doll like. He points the gun down, shoots her in the same foot. She screams at a pitch that makes Jonny flinch. Darren spits in her face. “How many times do I have to tell you,” he seethes, lethal and Northern, “not to think about that fuckin’ thing? Get over here,” he snaps, and he’s speaking to Jonny this time. “Don’t make me tell you again.”

Jonny swallows bile.

Darren says, “you know what? What the hell,” and points the gun at Benny. “You, too. You’re watching awfully close. Get over here.”

Benny doesn’t look up from the girl, but he shakes his head.

Darren turns the gun. Aims it into the kitchen. “You boys get over here,” he says, “or I’m gonna shoot your mother in the fuckin’ face.”

Mama screams. Billie sobs as she hugs her tighter.

Jonny’s ears rings with the sound of them as he looks at Benny. Benny looks back, and he looks at him blankly before he looks away. Slowly, he heaves himself from his chair. Staggers to Darren and the girl like he’s possessed.

Darren smirks, angling his head towards Jonny. “Your turn, now.”

Jonny doesn’t remember moving but he finds himself swaying on his feet.

To Benny, he says, “kneel by her head.” To the girl, he says, “be good. Spread your legs.” She doesn’t, but she’s sick and she’s skinny and he kicks them apart, anyway, easy, steps down again with all his weight on her broken foot to keep her still. She cries out so hard her back arches off the floor and Jonny takes an instinctive step back. Just as quickly, he’s looking down the barrel of the biggest fuckin’ gun he’s ever seen. “Kneel,” Darren says.

Jonny does. He wishes he didn’t, but he does, sinking to his knees between the spread of her thighs. Her tied hands are shaking. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“Don’t,” she begs softly. “Please.”

“I’m sorry,” he says again, and she sobs.

“No —“

“Tip your head back, cowgirl,” Darren says. “Open wide.”

“No,” she says, and her breath hitches.

Benny doesn’t say anything but he slowly slides his fingers into her bloody hair, turning her head gently.

“No,” she pleads, trying to reach out with tied hands and it makes Jonny’s skin crawl. “Don’t,” she begs, and Jonny retches.

The barrel of the gun is pressed to the base of his skull and the size of it could probably blow his head clean off his shoulders. “Go on, now,” Darren says.

“Please,” she sobs, and she’s looking up at Benny as Benny tips her head back.

Jonny’s hands are shaking so hard he struggles with the button on his jeans. The ruffles of her dress are already soaked with blood and he retches again. She’d been bleeding when they found her in the house, but not this much. What did he do to her before he brought her to them? What’s wrong with this guy?

There’s something still so surreal about it, even with Jenny’s brain staining the wallpaper, even with the barrel hot against his scalp through his hair. This kind of shit doesn’t happen in real life, especially not to people like them, like Mama, unassuming farmers. Maybe a little nosey, but they’re only bored. Harmless. This is the kind of shit that happens in horror movies that aren’t even all that scary, they’re so unrealistic. How can this be happening to them?

He leans into her and her whole body trembles as she cries, as she pleads. Jonny tries his best to leave his body, to go somewhere else, but there’s too much and it keeps pulling him back to himself, to this place, to the floor of his mother’s kitchen. There’s the girl, the rough, panicked hitching of her crying, how desperately she begs him to stop, how hard she trembles. She presses her knee into him, tries to push him away, and Jonny can feel too much of the bones in her leg.

And then she isn’t crying, she doesn’t beg, because Benny is holding her head still as he eases himself into her mouth and Jonny doesn’t mean to, but he sobs, something hoarse.

Still, she struggles, but her hands are braced against Benny as she tries to push him away and it isn’t much of a fight as Jonny pushes up her skirts. As Jonny pushes himself inside her.

He tries to go somewhere else again, somewhere far outside himself, to someplace he isn’t fucking a crying girl in his mother’s kitchen on the floor in front of her at gunpoint. It’s hard to escape. He screws his eyes shut, tries to think about anything else, but she’s so wet and she’s so warm she’s almost too warm and Jonny knows it’s with bleeding, he can’t think about anything else, accidentally pushes into her harder than he meant to and her bleeding body makes a wet sound that makes him gag.

“I’m sorry,” he sobs.

Benny doesn’t say anything. Benny doesn’t say anything until he grunts. Shudders. Scrambles away from her suddenly and unsteadily.

She has just enough time to turn her head before she vomits across the linoleum.

Jonny bows his head as he sobs again.

Darren says, “enough.”

Jonny jerks away from her too quickly and her body makes another horribly wet sound. The sound she makes in return is too soft, kind of broken. “I’m sorry,” Jonny says.

“I’ve been telling you,” Darren says with a smile, “you will be.” There’s nothing natural in his smile. There’s nothing human in his eyes. “Get up,” he tells them, and steps over the girl, crossing the kitchen with slow strides. He stops, standing across from Mama. “And come here.”

Slowly, they do. They stand, fix their pants, stagger across the kitchen. It’s hard to explain, but Jonny feels kind of out of it, like he’d been hit really hard in the head. Everything’s gotten kinda fuzzy around the edges.

Darren smiles again. “Face your mother.”

Slowly, they do.

“On your knees,” Darren says.

Jonny doesn’t sob again but the tears don’t stop.

“I’m sorry,” Benny’s stuck. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Darren exhales a sound that might be a laugh, if he were human. “Choice last words,” he says. The barrel of the gun finds the back of Jonny’s head.

“Please,” Mama says, and he hears her louder than anything. “Don’t hurt my boys.”

“What would you propose I do?” Darren asks. The barrel is so hot through his hair Jonny’s sure his scalp is burning. “Your boys just raped my wife.”

“I’m sorry,” Benny’s chanting, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He’s always been a big guy, now a farmer — he’s never seemed so small before.

“I’d hope so,” Darren says, and he says it with a flat, Northern accent, nothing Texan about it at all.

“Darren,” the girl says, and Jonny feels a bit sick, he still doesn’t know her name and he probably won’t ever find out, “don’t do this.” She sounds like she’s from Texas for real, and it’s not the first time Jonny’s noticed but it’s the first time it occurs to him that maybe Darren’s accent isn’t psychological warfare at all, maybe he’s making fun of his wife.

It’s obvious, suddenly, in the way he drawls, “I’m defending your honour, cowgirl.”

He’s quick. It almost seems like he’s too quick, too, to be human. The barrel is pressed to the back of Jonny’s head one second, and the next, Benny’s head bursts into plates of skull and meaty chunks of brain tissue. Blood is sprayed aagainst Jonny’s side.

He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t do anything; he freezes, and he watches across the kitchen through red mist as another gunshot rings out and crouched next to Mama, a hole explodes in the centre of Billie’s chest. She makes a wheezing, gasping soft of sound. Her throat bursts open with the next gunshot, and she never makes a sound again.

“Why are you doing this to us?” Mama breathes. She’s been painted red with Billie.

“This is what happens to nosey families who don’t mind their fuckin’ business,” he answers. And he shoots Jonny’s mother in the face.

Finally, he turns the gun on Jonny. “Any last words?”

“I don’t know,” Jonny says.

He doesn’t hear the gunshot, there isn’t time, but he can feel the heat building against the side of his face.

Then, finally, it’s over.

For a long time, Wren stares up at the ceiling, at the blood splattered across the beams.

It was their kitchen. Point had slaughtered these people in their kitchen.

Wren doesn’t know why the cruelty surprises him, but it does. He didn’t think he had it left in him to be scared anymore but he’s that, too.

Point’s face comes into view above him. “This is what happens to people that try and help you,” he says. “I want you to remember that.”

He doesn’t look disturbed that he just massacred a family in the heart of their home, but he doesn’t look pleased, either. He doesn’t look anything. Somehow it’s worse. “What are you gonna do with me when I die?” He asks.

It makes Point smile. “You know I won’t let that happen,” he says. “We’re having too much fun, cowgirl.”

[babybratzmaraj]

a black woman’s silent cries for a day of peace.

Part 12? of Poems Of The Mad Black Woman🌺♥️

A/N: its been so long i forgot to spit n rub on this series, (too much? im weird. myyy badddd) but HIIII ITS BEEN A MIN! bitch i check n my last one was jun 14??? yall im so sorryyyyyy i write n then i lose train of thought. but i will be blessinh yall soon♥️ thank you for the love yall hath showeth thee.

Taglist: @megamindsecretlair @iamrheaspeaks if you wanna be added to this taglist lmk!

tired. tiredness. tiredful. what the fuck.

it seems like I never get a day of peace, the time floats upon me and here i am. fuckin tired.

im not in a good mood. im overstimulated. my clothes feeling like worms. worms? worms. they are crawling, wiggling, going in and out of my skin, i feel them.

there everywhere, do not touch me.

They’re everywhere, do not talk to me.

They Are Everywhere, do you not see them?

THEY ARE EVERYWHERE WHY DO YOU DARE TO SPEAKETH TO THEE, DO YOU NOT HEAR MY WARNINGS?!? DO YOU NOT SEE MY PLEADS AND CRIES FOR HELP!?

oh you’re mad? you are mad at… me? mad because i finally snapped. mad that after pushin the same button that was labeled specifically not to touch. not to bother. yet you push it. but want me to stay calm.

now im back to 8 year old me, boohoo crying with snot covering my mouth, looking at my dad and telling him how i felt, how sad I get when he didn’t get me cookies but he gets himself some all the time. my favorite too! chewy chocolate chip, so small and fragile, could break apart easily with a tiny push. thats me. im the chewy cookie.

you wouldn’t get it, neither did my brother as he exclaimed the word cookies over and over again. But what he failed to realize was it was never about the cookies.

It was never about the button, it was never about anything objective or materialistic or even you.

it was about me. little things matter and when they dont, they build up, they get fat and bloated and stuffed down until it becomes one big thing, the explosion, and nobody wants to see that shit! especially from a black woman.

but man, i could go for a pack of chewy cookies from my dad right about now.

[blackwaves]

obligatory note to stream the fic i wrote about post-canon beast!gin (due to finding her sibling issues extremely compelling etc) but— the beast version of the akutagawa siblings is incredibly, incredibly interesting to me. gin is central to beast, and it is equally central that she's on-page for so little time.

the first time akutagawa sees her, the narration calls her a painting come to life; the metaphor took me aback the first time i read the beast ln as opposed to the manga because of how fitting it is to how akutagawa sees her: a static, 1-dimensional image and ideal; a child stolen away by his man in black. it's an illusion she shatters cleanly and all at once.

gin getting a knife into akutagawa's gut and telling him he hasn't gotten her back, that he's pursuing destruction and using her as an excuse, that the mafia's violence is rational whereas his violence is an aoe attack that destroys everything in its proximity is:

one: extremely funny to me. sorry gin. sometimes you call your brother inherently evil for his glorified suicide attempt (-> this is, in practice, my view of him leaving gin alone pre-meeting dazai in both canon and beast. do i think it is unfair to gin to leave her abandoned and alone, and that it reflects on the way he is associated with destruction-despite-the-cost and similarly on the way dazai in beast canon addresses him? yes absolutely. do i also think it is unfair to say the suicidal twelve year is inherently evil for semi-explicitly trying to kill himself via extremely abrupt vengeance quest? yeah. sorryyyyyy)

two: not incorrect re:destructiveness. we see time and time again in both canon and beast that akutagawa moves in a straight line to action without consideration for consequences or the deaths that follow. it's the tendency that both canon dazai and canon atsushi object to— atsushi primarily for the fact that he places no inherent value on life and his actions put that on display, dazai primarily for the lack of strategy and rationality in how he operates. he's more feral and uncivilized in beast (/affectionate), but the point stands? (skimming over sections of beast for this and: interesting to me that when he's getting his stamp from kunikida, it's explicitly said: "To make a long story short, destruction was his go-to answer for everything. [...] It appeared to be more of an innate trait of his rather than something he learned from his environment or experience." similarly, it's interesting to me that the way he gets his stamp from kunikida is through the channeling of that destructive energy into a purposeful violence. the concept of mindless destruction vs rationality is the core internal conflict in beast which (relatedly) is why i think it's so fundamental to the trajectory of his arc in canon, but i digress)

three: not fully incorrect re:using gin as an excuse. this is actually the most important point to me, because: akutagawa cares about gin and cares about the ideal of his younger sister stolen away, regrets deeply his initial abandonment of her and hates himself for it, but his actions with regards to "saving" her are fundamentally undermined both by his pursuit of dazai and his own impulsiveness. he repeatedly prioritizes vengeance and impulse over the actions that would actually put him face-to-face with him, and he doesn't consider her as a person with her own agency. when he collects oda's stamp (via threatening to kill himself in front of a child. etc.) there's a point made about him viewing anger as the center of his world. when he is a child facing dazai for the first time, it's said the first clear emotion he feels is hatred. this is without getting into the events of the final sequence, in which he is repeatedly called out for prioritizing his anger over finding gin.

—

okay! at the fun part now, which is to say. how does this reflect on gin herself.

basic facts we know about gin in the present are that

she's dazai's secretary who's always with him, and she views him as lonely (the implication given is that this was also her first impression of him, when she went with him willingly)

she's highly protected because of her position of secretary and anyone who asks about her should be attacked immediately (this may be a set-up for an sskk meetcute via dazai, but presumably it comes into affect via how she's treated by others)

atsushi believes she has no family, which is either 1. again, set-up for the sskk meetcute, or 2. what the pm as a whole usually believes

she's quiet and very observant (presumably, reflected in canon)

she believes in rationality placed over emotion (fascinating contrast. obviously) and doesn't object to the port mafia's violence because of how its violence is impersonal

atsushi refers to her and akutagawa as having bloodstained hands, which may be solely a jab at akutagawa, but in equal measure may be a reference to her position in the pm? she stabs akutagawa easily and respects the violence of the pm, so it's possible/probable that it also refers to how she's associated with the pm.

she was convinced by dazai to enter the port mafia because she didn't feel safe remaining solely with akutagawa

she pleaded with dazai to sacrifice her life instead of killing akutagawa (which indicates that despite it being a ploy and bait, it's real to her. alternatively, she could be in on it being a ploy and maintaining the lie with akutagawa, but i think that's less likely context-wise.)

she disappears post-lightnovel, according to akutagawa because she can't return to his side. akutagawa doesn't go after her because he thinks rushing after her would drive her away once more.

the majority of what we know about her is her emotions towards akutagawa: she thinks he uses her as an excuse to commit violence, and she wants to think he functions more rationally than he does. she thinks he was born to do evil and she cares about him anyway. she thinks he's incapable of keeping the people he loves safe from himself, and she wants him alive anyway.

i am always, always thinking about o-gin in relation to beast!gin, but particularly when she is saying "I don't care what kind of person you are. All I want is for you to live." o-gin is the story of a girl who renounces her beliefs and the idea of heaven for the sake of living in heaven so that she may meet her family again in hell. gestures incredibly wildly. you know.

sorry for the recap i just think. they're so so interesting. i just think they're insane. i want to lock them together in a room and make them argue with one another.

[auniverseforgotten]

(in reference to the priest post) OK OK OK BUt imagine Mozart, 'beloved by God', tricking priest!Salieri to listen to his confession. Salieri just thinking that oh, if Mozart is God's specialist little boy, that definitely means that it'll be tame sins, right? Oh boy no. Wrong.

IT TOOK ME FIVE MILLION YEARS TO GET MY LAPTOP OUT I SORRYYYYYY

BUT YES YES EXACTLY YOU'RE SO RIGHT SDXCG

So for those who maybe missed it was this post here and I kinda see this set up in a couple ways like.

First: randomized setting, vague historic time so I don't have to look up religion for hours [not a hardship I simply do not have the time atm], priest!Salieri is in the confessional and it's a small town given the time period so he tends to recognize voices. Never breathes a word, ofc, that's not the point of confession; but then he hears the God's Most Favorite Annoying Fucker's voice and like wow okay alright why are you here Amadeus that's weird in and of itself. But he figures it'll be something simple, lusting over someone, envious of something. And well. Kinda. It is about lust but the longer he talks the more Salieri realizes it is about him specifically and I think it's funny if somehow Mozart doesn't realize it's Salieri and thinks it's a different priest? Which doesn't make sense, I know, I'm sure he would recognize Salieri's voice, BUT. Anyway it would end with mutual masturbation in the confessional and then neither of them can look at the other next church service <3

Another way to swing that specific one would be Mozart starts detailing, clocks Salieri's voice a little later, dying inside but decides y'know if Salieri tells anyone he's prob gonna die anyway sooooooo might as well make it count?? And the same thing happens. Mozart is technically married [lavender marriage], Salieri technically taken a vow of celibacy, but if it continued Past the one time in the confessional there would be a lot of secret midnight trysts.

Second: historical setting, in their correct time period; this one plays a lot more with the incorrect popular opinion of Salieri in the modern day about how he's so envious and scheming etc etc we've aLL SEEN THE BIAS AND LIES anyway. A Salieri who is confronted with those emotions and deeply disturbed by them, he has a strong religious background and it's possible I'm just saying. So! He resigns as kapellmeister and leaves to find the cure for his sinful emotions in religion. Now, nowadays priests tend to minimum need about 8-10 years [degree and then practice] to officially become a priest. I'm typing this fast as I devour a sandwich so I'm going on a LOOSE basis of that though in older times it will have been different. In the case of this AU I'm gonna say he didn't marry Therese if only bcus. He would be totally abandoning her and their children. He clocks these emotions early on after Mozart comes to court, and resigns maybe a full year after Mozart being there. It's a bit of a fight because he was well loved by Joseph, but eventually it happens. Now Mozart is still faced with the contempt of the court but he is an absolute shoe-in for the position. Time passes, Salieri is going from monk to priest, Mozart is in a good position moneywise so even with his suspected spending habits he would likely outlive historical Mozart. But he can't get over the old Kapellmeister who he met barely at all, who seemed to love his music, and then just...left. ANYWAY don't ask me why Mozart would end up in a confessional here, maybe feeling like he needs to repent for the longing for Salieri? And woooooooow they sure do recognize each other's voices.

In this one it's a LOT of repressed desire so prob no actual anything in the booth; yes Mozart gets deranged but Salieri has an even tighter hold of his emotions now. They both leave unsatisfied and wondering what life could've been <3

AND THIRD: singularity time, servants dispersed throughout in various roles for power or stealth based reasons. Salieri is a priest because they need an eye on the church, Mozart is the beloved tutor of the queen's children. They were either together beforehand or like. REALLY getting there. They can't be seen together otherwise their ruse would be broken [Salieri being very new to the country, speaking only Italian, Mozart being a well-established face that. Somehow no one saw before this month haha how weird] ANYWAY WHAT I'M SAYING is Mozart has zero patience zero control, figures out Salieri's typical confessional schedule and just starts showing up and going into extreme detail about everything he wants to do to Salieri/everything he wants Salieri to do to him <3 So much pining SO MUCH REPRESSED DESIRE and then at the final fight everyone's like "huh, are we missing anybody?" yes you are and they're off fucking in the confessional they heard the "cover's blown"call and got to getting don't worry about it.

ANYWAY I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU WANTED ANY OF THAT DZSXFCGVHB SO I'M SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE. BUT I AM SO GLAD WE ARE HANDSHAKE!!!!! I AGREE Salieri is 100% not expecting that LMAOOOOO what do you MEAN God's Specialest Little Boy has a mind dredged out of the gutters of hell WHAT DO YOU MEAN

THANK U FOR THE ASK YAHOOOOOOOOOO LOVE CHATTING POSTS AND BLORBOS

[alder-saan]

The Path of Poisons. 12

Orchids

Larissa Weems x gn! oc

the path of poisons masterlist: <- previous chapter [...] next chapter ->

sorryyyyyy! I had no time to write, but here it is! I'll try to write the next for Saturday but not sure I'll manage to do it, and after that I'll be out for 2 weeks, sorry again.

TW: none for this one? Just Larissa being a bit depressed if you squint? And mention of poisoning.

Also, as always, I translate this one afterwards, so there might be little problems with the translation.

taglist: @giogwensversion @tanith-rhea

Rei stretched out in bed. They'd slept a lot. For most of the weekend, in fact. As her condition had already stabilised when she'd arrived at the hospital, they'd only kept her there for a day, just long enough to do a few tests. But that weakened her, and she still needed rest. That's why he was given a few days off work, which he happily spent sleeping and relaxing. Taking care of his plants, too. They also took the opportunity to reflect on their situation. They looked at their phone. A missed call from Larissa.

Rei called back, and put it on speakerphone while they got dressed.

*Hello, Rei?*

"Yes, Riss, I'm sorry, I was sleeping…" she laughed.

*At 3.30pm?* she laughed at the other end of the handset.

"Yes, do you mind?"

They were rummaging in their wardrobe when a little white fur ball jumped out and ran out of the room. Rei was startled into silence and watched the ferret run out of the room.

*Not in the least.*

"Nevertheless, I'm going to have to go back to normal hours…"

*Are you working on Monday?*

"Yes, I'm better. I've had enough rest as it is, my boss isn't going to be happy if I don't do my lessons, I've already ruined his evening…"

*You gave me such a fright… Don't ever do that again.*

They let out a small laugh as they pulled on a shirt.

*I'm not joking, Rei. I was really scared.*

"Don't worry about me. I know a thing or two about plants."

*mhmm.*

A few seconds passed, while Rei finished buttoning the cream shirt they were going to match with black trousers.

*Would you like to get together today?

They stared out of the window, looking for an excuse not to have to go out. But it was a nice day and they wanted to see Larissa.But the idea of going out, to a café or a park, was already exhausting him.

"Why not, but I don't really feel like leaving the house.You could come…"

*I've never been to your place.*

"Ah, do you mind?"

*No, not at all, what time do you want me to come over?*

Rei thought for a few seconds. They wanted to say "now", but they had to be realistic. She probably had work to do, so she wasn't going to be able to come straight away anyway.

"Whenever it suits you. I'm not planning to move. If you like, you can come round at the end of the afternoon and we can cook together?"

*That's fine, I'll come around 6pm, I've still got a bit of work to do.*

"See you then, Riss, I'll send you the address."

*See you then.*

They hung up and texted the address straight away. Now it was time to tidy things up a bit.It wasn't that Rei lived in a particularly dirty place, but sometimes things weren't tidy. A pile of leaves was piled up on the table in her living room, plants were piled up everywhere, and then there was Belial's mess to tidy up. They sighed, remembering that they didn't even know where he'd gone. But there was no need to despair. The egg technique always worked.

So they went down the small staircase, which only led to a bedroom and a bathroom, and into the kitchen.They opened the fridge door and took out a hard-boiled egg, which they began to peel. Before long, the smell of egg spread through the house, and the little white ferret climbed onto one of his legs.They laughed and grabbed the little beast, which wriggled in all directions."Come here, Belial.He put him in the big cage he used to keep him quiet when he welcomed people into his home. He opened his mouth in the most dramatic fashion and gave a little cry of displeasure.

"Sorry mate, but for the time being I'm putting you in here. Otherwise I'll forget about it and you'll be attacking my girlfriend. But if you're good and she's not too scared of you, which I don't doubt for a moment because you're still very cute, I'll leave you outside."

The animal ran around in circles in its cage, looking for a way to escape, and only seemed to calm down when Rei gave it little bits of egg.

They turned on their computer to put on some music and tidied up the mess in the house, before sweeping up.Soon the house was clean, and they slumped into an armchair with a sigh. Belial scratched at the bars of his cage.

"Yes, you'll get out, but be patient."

They looked at the clock. Almost 6 p.m. Well, she shouldn't be long now, they thought. And they watched Belial moaning in his cage for the next few minutes.

Someone rang the doorbell, and Rei jumped to her feet, then hurried to the door to open it. Larissa was there, in a light grey dress. Rei let her in.

"It's a bit of a mess, sorry, haha."

"Don't worry."

She swept her gaze around the room. The entrance opened onto a living room, with a sofa and a footstool, a television, and a large bay window overlooking a greenhouse. Belial made a little noise that drew her attention to the cage and the little white animal wriggling inside.

"You've got a… ferret?"

"Yes, he's called Belial and he's very keen to get out. If you don't mind I'll open the door, otherwise he can wait a few hours."

"No, go ahead, you can open it."

Rei went to open Belial's cage and he rushed out, then to Larissa. He sniffed her and went to hide under the sofa.

"I think you look good in a ferret."

"You do? Why?"

"I don't know, you… look a bit like a ferret… I suppose."

They laughed softly and helped her off with her jacket. But Larissa wasn't in the mood for laughter. She was worried. She'd nearly been poisoned to death, and she wouldn't wish that on anyone, least of all Rei. She took his hand and looked at him seriously.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

They knew what was bothering her and squeezed her hand gently.

"I was so scared… When I saw you unconscious, I… I thought I'd lost you."

"It takes more than that to get rid of me. Luckily Wednesday was there though. Besides, did she keep bugging you? I mean, she seemed convinced I meant you harm."

"She…" Larissa sighed, "She came to see me. She told me you were Avareïda Hydrurga, that she'd had a vision about it."

"And… you believed her?"

She looked towards the greenhouse and shook her head. She hadn't believed her. She already knew. Which wasn't the same thing. But she didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to wait for Rei to talk about it. She wanted to wait until they trusted her enough.

"No. Wednesday is a clever girl, but I can't know exactly what she saw. Besides, I know you're not my enemy, whoever you may be."

Rei squinted. Did Larissa know? Did she know that they were Avareïda Hydrurga? And if she knew, how had she guessed?

"But I don't want to talk about her," she smiled gently, "I don't want to talk about work, and even less about Wednesday. Let's just leave it all on the side for now, shall we?"

"All right. What do you want to eat?"

"Whatever you suggest."

And they prepared a large pizza, while Belial squealed hoping for a piece of cheese or meat. And although Rei had asked Larissa not to give her any, she couldn't resist the adorable look on the little animal's face for very long, and slipped it a piece of cheese on the sly.

"We could eat in the greenhouse," Rei suggested as they put the pizza in the oven.

"Yes, you could show me your plants!

"Er, yes, well, a lot of my plants are poisonous, so you'll have to be careful…"

A flicker of hesitation passed through the woman's eyes, but Rei took her hand.

"We won't be eating next to poisonous plants, don't worry. I've got a place with orchids and ferns, it'll be nice and safe."

She nodded gently, and Rei led her into the greenhouse to show her around. They opened the door. When she stepped inside, Larissa's eyes opened wide. The greenhouse was big, much bigger than she had imagined, bigger than the ground floor of the house itself. It was lit up by small lamps reflected in the glass in the ceiling and on the walls. A small path had been laid out in the middle, and a desk sat on one side, probably opposite a maple tree. A few steps further on, there was a small square in the middle of the path, with a table and three chairs. Around it were orchids, which had no flowers this time of year, but Larissa thought it must be beautiful in early summer.

"Settle down here, I'm going to get the pizza."

Larissa sat down in a chair and held her breath as Rei left. This place was so beautiful, she felt like she was in a dream. Her wide eyes passed over the tiles and the play of reflections on them. They were irregular glass, with little bubbles in them, and not quite straight.

"It's beautiful," she breathed.

"I'm glad you like it.

Rei had returned, a large tray in her hands, with pizza and two glasses of wine, as well as some cutlery.

"It's really beautiful, I love this place."

"Well, you'll be coming here more often."

"If I'm invited by the wonderful host here, I don't mind," she replied with a smile.

"I'll invite you as often as you like. I think you look good in my house."

Larissa let out a small laugh, and Rei handed her one of the wine glasses, which the principal smelled and then tasted.

"However, you'd do much better in my bed."

She nearly spat out her wine. She laughed softly.

"Don't make me laugh when I drink wine!"

"By the way, do you like it?"

"It's very good."

When they had finished eating, Rei accompanied Larissa to the centre of the greenhouse and switched off all the lights. Now plunged into darkness, they could see the stars through the tiles, like thousands of tiny holes in the sky.

"I'd love to see a shooting star…" they said.

"It's not in season at all," commented Rei.

"Is there a shooting star season?"

"Second week of August."

But Larissa scanned the sky anyway, hoping perhaps to see a latecomer from the previous season. But after nearly a minute, still seeing none, she turned away from the black sky.

"Mhm, you're probably right…"

"We'll go and watch the shooting stars together next August."

"I wanted to see one tonight. I wish I could have made a wish," Larissa gasped.

"What wish?"

"I can't tell you, or it won't come true."

Rei dipped her eyes into his, and then moved her gaze to his lips. They slowly moved closer and put their arms on either side of the principal's head, who placed her hands on her partner's hips.

"I want to kiss you," Rei murmured.

And Larissa tried to detect in her eyes whether it was the truth. If Rei, if Avareïda wanted to kiss her. But she couldn't see any lies. There was nothing but affection and desire in Rei's dark eyes. She suddenly realised that the person she would be holding in her arms was the same person she had so brutally hurt so many years before. She had known it before, but at that moment it hit her. And this person wanted her. She wanted to hold her close, to ask her forgiveness, to heal all the wounds she had inflicted.

But Rei hadn't told her yet. So she didn't, and she kissed them hard, and her kiss meant "I'm sorry".

She wasn't sure Avareïda understood.

When she opened her eyes, out of the corner of her eye she saw a manchineel tree.

_________________________________________

To learn how to control her visions, Wednesday took regular lessons from Miss Kinswelt. Once every fortnight, she came to her class on Monday mornings before lessons to take stock and ask any questions she wanted. This time, she had something specific to ask. She knocked and pushed open the classroom door. Elizabeth Kinswelt was sitting in her chair in front of her desk, and smiled towards the door.

"Wednesday, I presume? Make yourself comfortable."

"Good morning Miss Kinswelt."

She sat down opposite the teacher.

"Do you know if I can communicate my visions to anyone else?"

"It is possible to communicate them to someone who has the same gift, but not to a normie, or any other kind of outcast."

Wednesday sighed. Of course he did. It would have been too easy.

"So there's no way I can show Weems what I saw?"

The teacher shook her head.

"No way. What did you want to show him?"

"I discovered that Mx Asphodelus was not who he said he was."

"Indeed, he is Avareïda Hydrurga."

Wednesday frowned. Who else knew about this? Could Miss Elizabeth Kinswelt be allied with Avareïda Hydrurga and Laurel Gates, too?

"Who else knows about this? Why didn't you tell anyone? You know very well that Avareïda Hydrurga is linked to Laurel Gates."

"Right. Then we'll proceed with our first lesson. I'm going to teach you how to transmit a vision. Give me your hand."

Elizabeth stretched out her hand on the desk, and Wednesday placed it on it, a little wary.

"A vision is transmitted by contact, once contact has been established, you have to think about the vision, and how to transmit it. It's quite simple, but it requires concentration."

Wednesday's head tipped back as she found herself propelled into Elizabeth's vision.

Larissa Weems was lying on the floor and Wednesday recognised the moment. It must have been just after she left. She was about to leave when the door opened. Avareïda Hydrurga entered. They moved forward just before stopping in front of the main one and taking a breath.

"Atropa Belladona, lethal dose," she heard him whisper.

And then she took a syringe and a small vial out of her jacket. From a distance, Wednesday couldn't see what was written on it, so she went closer and managed to read "physostygma" before Rei put the vial back in her bag.

"Rissa, Rissa, why is it my job to save your ass?" mumbled the teacher before plunging the needle into Larissa Weems' neck.

Then Wednesday found herself back in the classroom. She could hardly understand what was going on.

"This is why I trust Avareïda Hydrurga. They saved Mrs Weems when she should have died if no one else had.They wouldn't have done it if they were on Laurel Gates' side. I don't know if he's some kind of double agent pretending to work with her, or if someone is pretending to be him, but I'm sure he's not an enemy."

.

.

That day, Wednesday seemed more pensive than on other days.She was going to have to have a chat with Avareïda Hydrurga.

[monsterfloofs]

🎹for Le Space Slug (the canyon one who's name I forgot again) Or Castor5!

SPACE SLUG!? SPACE SLUG!? DKDKDKDKDKCKD POOR ORTH, THAT IS THEIR FOREVER NAME NOW IT IS UNESCAPABLE!! I AM SORRY BUDDY BUT YOU DO LOOK LIKE A CUTE SEA SLUG I’M SORRYYYYYY

Ahahaha X///D Sulky slug aside

What are their hobbies?

Orth is very much like the humans on Earth really, they spent a long time peering at the stars and the planets and wondering what life looks like there. They had a soft spot for Earth for a while, watching it’s little civilizations grow, empires rise and fall until it reached it’s present day state.

Curiosity and lonilness being the biggest factors for why it tried to squeeze itself down to a smaller scale in the first place. Like a gentle giant that is the last of it’s kind. No other creature is like it, and they have drifted through the universe being not only alone but too grand to even be comprehend by smaller beings.

I think Orth tried to communicate before to other races but… it didn’t go so well, unfortunately.

Orth now though, gosh, they are so spoiled. They have someone they can talk to all the time. (And probably do wake their hooman up at night with questions) They can kind of indulge in human pasttimes, reading over their buddies shoulder.

They quite enjoy books and television. They enjoy listening to stories and soaking up as much information as they can.

(I am gonna write for Cas too just because 💖💖💖)

What are their hobbies?

Cas does enjoy listening to / reading those ultra sappy alien x human romances 👁️👁️✨ okay so he did pick on the protag. for enjoying those but then he also got hooked when he was sneaking onto their account so— you know, he still pokes fun at them though PSH!

Cas, is one of those bots who is severly smart and is very much a jack of all trades! He knows coding, he enjoys languages, (and really REALLY enjoys abusing this knowledge for his own amusment) Cas also has a lot of mechanical knowledge, he tinkers with his own self and weapons on occasation, can fix star cruisers, (and has hot wired a good few of them.)

He also likes learning as much as he can, except with Orth’s case it is a lot more curiousity. Cas is curious yes, but he makes good use of what he learns and pulls it into practice as soon as he gets a handle on a new skill. He enjoys puzzles and enjoys finding new and innovative solutions to tackle problems.

Cas’ brain doesn’t sit still very well either, if he doesn’t find something to keep it entertained well… hijacking some top tier security system will be on his list of fun puzzles to defragment. XDDD

[fictionkinfessions]

I had a dream about Madam Red last night, of all things.

With all the love in my heart, I don't think of her often 💀 My latest Grell shift was kicked off by Othello, so he's the freshest face in my mind when I think of Grell. Also I'm not even IN a Grell shift right now!!!! This came completely out of nowhere! But whatever. I dreamed about her.

I don't remember everything about the dream. I know it came off another one. I know we were in some room. I think it was like... A Black Butler Kinnie Meetup or something. There weren't many people there; I didn't recognize anybody either, like I wasn't sitting in a sea of characters or kinnies there was like A Dude. (MIGHT have been William, or I am retroactively imposing him on a man. Hard to say)

A little card came up a la silent movie or whatever, and it was a sex joke 🫢 And in my punctuating of such a clue (I don't know why it was a clue or why I had told people where I would be in this way) I sat on the table closest to Madam Red, legs swinging off the side mischievous style. The joke implied she was also a trans woman, which was very exciting and empowering to me. I remember people doing that OOOOOOOOHH thing people do when a sex joke happens LOL and for a moment it was whatever. It was chill!

Then I looked at her... And she was beautiful, but I also felt so disconnected. Like I didn't see her and get swarmed with emotions. My heart didn't jump. I didn't feel like a dog, tail wagging and excited. I can't say what emotion I felt because it felt completely neutral, but I started tearing up anyway.

I fought it so hard. I was like damn I don't wanna cry rhrn that's crazy. Get it together girl!!! So I looked away! I curled in on myself a little! I bit my lip! Whatever! How do you prevent the Eye Mist?

It wasn't enough. She hit me with that "Oh... Grell... Sweetheart, don't cry," and that was it. Full tears. I was like 😭 I'm sorryyyyyy Im not TRYING tooooo!!! And then she had the audacity to be like "I wanna see that smile <3" like DAMN GIRL I WOULD TOO BUT NOW! I'm groveling at ur feet! FULL crying like a hair away from sobbing if Im generous to myself. Flung on the ground at her feet, bowing and apologizing. Half for crying at all I think, but if that wasn't the whole reason idk why I was. I guess bc I kinda... Yk... 🪚 but idk I don't think ab that much, nor did I ever think I regretted it (sorry girlie I haven't watched source in a hot min so maybe that'd change if I did)

Anyway. Now I can't stop thinking ab her. Sorry for the long dump I'm just a little frazzled

Sending love to all the Madam Reds out there ig!

Xox, Grell Sutcliff of Black Butler fame

x

[terrainofheartfelt]

do you have any headcannons or behind-the-scenes for "it's something new (because of you)"?

oh DO I

for starters i'm sorryyyyyy for letting this sit so long I have no excuse other than life and brain chemistry are Nuts.

BTS-wise, this one-shot within the universe was inspired by a photoset I stumbled across here on tumblr, and I thought: "that could be my blorbos" and lo! it came. I started drafting it while at was at my folks' for christmas, and then it sat in google docs in purgatory before I summoned the spoons to complete it. which at the time I thought was odd, because my general technique with smut is to write it all within the space of a couple days--they just flow differently than things with, ya know, plot, but this one incubated for a while, and I think it served it.

HCs-wise, I've jotted down a few about this universe and specifically the beginning of dair's marriage within it :)

this is how Dan & Blair (mostly Blair) announce the wedding:

Epperly guest writes a post for Blair Necessities covering the event/interviewing Blair

The morning the post goes live, Blair & Dan each post one (1) thing to their accounts

They each pick a photo from what their photographer sent them (both candid, because they look stupidly in love in those)

Dan’s caption is from the Auden Blair quoted in her vows to him: The years shall run like rabbits, / For in my arms I hold / The Flower of the Ages, / And the first love of the world.

Blair’s is a quote of a different kind: Reader, I married him. 

They make their posts from a sidewalk cafe in Firenze then shut off their phones. 

And the internet goes WILD

immediately there’s all these buzzfeedesque articles like “Blair Waldorf, Former Princess of Monaco has remarried,” and “Blair Waldorf’s New Husband Is Hot” and “Who Is Mr. Blair Waldorf?” and “Blair Waldorf Totally Won Her Divorce”

Just to fuck with everyone Blair posts another pic of Dan a couple days later. it's of him sitting at the window in their tuscan villa, pretty much the view Blair wakes up to in the beginning of it's something new. Caption: my huckleberry friend

They don’t see any of it til they check their messages over breakfast the next day. Dan loves the nomer “Mr. Blair Waldorf” and immediately adds it to his profiles (which he only made bc his agent made him). Sherri, said agent, almost makes him change them back before she sees the spike in his book sales. He was doing well enough on a debut, but now he’s doing really well. 

Thanks to his family’s caution (and the NDAs signed by the wedding vendors), no photos of Milo surface, he’s mentioned by Blair in her interview of course, and outside of W he’s only known as “Humphrey’s grade school-aged son”

Nate has a good laugh at it all, which he calls payback for all the good natured ribbing he and Serena got in the summer with “Serena van der Woodsen and Nate Archibald Eloped, Apparently”—a headline that spurred several never-ending phone calls from a horde of van der Bilts, and one—as Serena calls it—“ugly-ass gravy boat” (and yes, she did have to contribute to the swear jar for that)

I actually have MORE mostly about the work after something new, so don't mind me if I share those too ;))))

Speaking of Serenate, they’re on the move a lot and bring Sophie when they can, but she’s old so long haul trips to LA that are only a few days aren’t ideal. So they ask the Humphreys to dog sit a lot. Dan always outright refuses, because he knows that dog-sitting is only one degree of separation from “Why can’t we get a dog, Dad?” and he just cannot have that conversation. Again. 

There’s a lot of anxiety from all parties when Blair gets pregnant. There’s her traumatic history which flares up when it is most inconvenient, plus Dan’s trauma coupled with the fact that  he hasn’t done this part before. He missed almost all of Georgina’s pregnancy, so he doesn’t really know how to be. 

Milo expresses a flicker of concern because he knows on some level that the upcoming baby is genetically connected to his parents while he isn’t and he needs reassurance. 

Dan consults his brother Scott, who lived through a similar situation being an adoptee, and being an adoptee with a younger sibling that was born to his parents, and his perspective helps. 

They move from the loft to a Park Slope townhouse just after the New Year and just shy of the beginning of Blair’s third trimester. She’s not allowed to pick up anything, so she just stands in the center of the first floor and directs the moving until Dan makes her sit on the first chair they bring in (the one from his home office). A joke about a sedan chair is made, and then Dan immediately regrets it when she looks like she’s considering it. Milo’s her assistant when he gets back from school. It’s adorable. 

It’s more house than either Humphrey boy knows what to do with, but they follow Blair’s lead in putting it together. Her nesting instincts kick into overdrive—it’s quite a thing to witness. Dan acquiesces to hiring Dorota full-time so Blair doesn’t do too much. 

The fetus of when everything else changes is male, despite Blair and Milo’s good vibes. After he’s born Blair—hopped up on drugs—is like “A boy? I don’t know anything about boys. How do I raise a boy?” Dan gives her a funny look and reminds her that she’s been successfully mothering a son for a few years now, actually. 

I haven’t an earthly idea what that baby’s first name is (Otis? — I’m KIDDING) but his middle name is Nathaniel. 

Blair and Milo are very precious and anxious and fussy when the baby comes and Dan is much more chill. He jokes that it’s because he’s Blair and Milo’s first baby

Dan becomes a stay-at-home dilf, fulfilling his potential ♥️

Rufus leaves the decision of what to do with the loft up to Dan and Jenny, and they can’t really bear to part with it, so they keep it in the family. It becomes Jenny’s crash pad when she’s in NY, and eventually morphs into her makeshift atelier, where she works while she’s in NY.