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uservillanelle · 4 years

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Killing Eve ― 3x05 (Review)

All awards go to.... JODIE COMER! Again, with each episode the show gets more intense and pulls us even deeper into the story. THIS episode? Honestly, it was way too short, in my opinion. It’s something we all have been wondering about ever since season 1. Hell, maybe since episode 1. Don’t lie to yourselves. You DID wonder about Villanelle’s past and what she might’ve been like. I know I did. And I know, people aren’t happy because we didn’t get to see Eve or other characters, but this is no filler/bottle episode. This is where we separate Villanelle from Oksana. This is where Oksana awknowledges Villanelle for who/what it is. A creation. Worst enemy. The Darkness. And I’m here to delve into that darkness. I hope you are ready for this.

Grizmet

Oksana finally arrives home. She enters the house with caution and of course there are pictures on the wall. Apparently her mother married some stranger. All of the photos are of Tatiana and Grigoriy. There’s also one of Grigoriy and Bor’ka. No other siblings. What does that tell us? No whole family photos. No Oksana, either. I think most of us have photos of ourselves hanging on the walls as well. But there has to be other photos of your family members too, right? Yeah. There are none. Who places at least 3 pictures of yourself on the wall in front of the entrance of the house? Am I overthinking it? Probably. I’ll let you ponder about it some more and hopoefully I’ll come back to this when addressing Tatiana further.

I just love how Oksana goes around the house without any care really while touching all kinds of things. She has to touch the cup or the pot with food, open the fridge. She explore with touch, instead of just looking or sensing it in any other way. That alone says a lot already and we are only few minutes into the episode.

I’ll be honest, I was confused for a while about the whole family thing, especially the siblings. We know for sure that Oksana has a brother, Pyotr. Bor’ka is Oksana’s half-brother, since he calls Tatiana mom. Now, Fyodor, on the other hand, is Bor’ka’s half-brother, but he is a complete stranger to Oksana and Pyotr. Remember, Grigoriy married 3 times. Besides Fyodor seems same age, if not older, than Oksana and Pyotr. It all makes sense, right? And then there’s Yula, Fyodor’s girlfriend. I think we just covered it. I really hope I didn’t confuse any of you lol! If I made a mistake in here, please let me know, since it was very confusing at first!

Bor’ka

Obsession truly runs in the family, just like anger problems. Scenes with Villanelle and children were always so interesting to me. Mostly because their interactions almost every single time were genuine, honest. Children have no filter. They say what they feel and what they think and so does Oksana. As long as she feels like the other person is being honest as well. In this case, it’s Bor’ka. He’s the first one who interacted with Oksana this episode. “Do you speak English?” “Elton John is English.” “Yeah, he is”. What a better way to talk about English than to include one of English legends like Elton John? He’s not only mentioned, but Oksana gets to dress up like him, talk about what kind of food he’d eat while being in different countries AND having a scene with Crocodile Rock! I mean THAT scene... for someone who doesn’t do well in groups and is socially awkward, I could relate to Oksana SOO much lol! Her disturbed face when everybody started dancing... if that ain’t us all! Anyways, back to the obsession. We all got them. Elton John just happens to be Bor’ka’s obsession. It’s also a way of coping with everything. Music is probably the best escape for me. As well as Killing Eve, of course. So it’s the same for him and really, it was a huge theme this episode too. Elton John is what connected Bor’ka and Oksana in a way. It was the foundation of their bond as siblings. Their first interaction was about Elton John. And the very last one was about him too, including the note that Oksana left to him. “Go See Elton”

Anger problems

I’m going to say this now. ALL of Tatiana’s kids are scarred emotionally. And I believe she had A LOT to do with this. Now, all of them are suffering and dealing with the pain, but mostly, aggression in 3 different ways. Let’s start with Bor’ka, shall we?

We have seen this poor little guy bang his head against the wall and later on hit himself. We also found out that his mother, Tatiana, told him that he was stupid and that he embarrassed family because he didn’t win the food contest. Clearly the mother didn’t care about her son’s feelings, but her owns and thus she blamed him for “screwing up”. Yeah, it’s not the first time she acts the way she does with him. And suddenly there’s Oksana sitting and watching the scene from a distance, somewhat curious about what the two are talking about? She knows. And she knew all along. I mean who can know a mother better than her own daughter? Back to Bor’ka. Tatiana has been behaving like this with him for a whiiile. All I see here is a toxic mother who doesn’t care about her child. Just her own ego. Could this be an example of how Tatiana used to behave around Oksana? Perhaps. Why would they show the scene to us to begin with? Because Tatiana hasn’t changed and that is exactly how she “takes care” of her children. Instead of coming up to her son and telling him that he will succeed next time and that he shouldn’t worry about this, she blames him. It’s just how it works with her apparently. So this is what Bor’ka does. Blames himself, because his mother says so. And on top of that he’s too young to understand that he was being mentally abused by his own mother. This is how he handles aggression and regret and all those negative emotions. By lashing out on himself, thinking that HE is the problem.

Then there’s Pyotr. I’m so grateful for the scene he had with Oksana in that warehouse, while he was hitting the sofa. This ‘anger problem’ runs in the family and Oksana has accepted in long ago. That’s why she says it so... freely once her brother asks her. I just love how they chose to show us that Pyotr and Oksana chose opposite ways of dealing with anger. Like he said, Pyotr chooses to ‘beat the crap out of’ sofa so he doesn’t have to beat the crap out of people. Oksana, on the other hand, prefers to beat the crap out of people, because it feels so much better. And then there’s young Bor’ka who decides to beat the crap out of himself for that. So three different ways of coping and neither of those are healthy. All of Tatiana’s children are carrying scars that reflect her negative attitude towards children and above all, the abandonment of the mother. Pyotr then asks his sister “do you think that’s weird?” so either someone already told him that it was weird, or he thinks it might be so he chooses not to tell anyone about it. He’s not comfortable with his ‘anger problem’ wheres Oksana doesn’t see it as a big of a deal.

We all know how Oksana operates by now. Right now though, all I can think about is the conversation between Konstantin and Eve back in 2x03 where he tells her to stop chasing Villanelle. He states that hatred and anger are the only emotions she understands and when she’s feeling them, people around her get hurt. Doesn’t matter if she cares about them or not. So it’s safe to say Oksana was through those emotions PLENTY of times already to know how she needs to cope with them. Other emotions? Not so much. However, she’s starting to feel them more and more as the show progress and her character develops further.

Pyotr

Never knew Oksana had a brother and I am soo happy she does. Pyotr is the sweetest, honestly. What is interesting to me is that he doesn’t know his mother at all. At least not that part of her. He told Oksana how the villagers say Tatiana is a ‘saint’ to which she replies with “people here don’t know her” and in a way she’s also saying “you don’t know her.” Instead, he listens to his mother and tries to be there for her and do whatever she asks of him. Similarly as Oksana would do with her father, I’m guessing based on her last conversaion with her mother.

This makes me think that Pyotr is probably the least affected child in the family. Yes, he is naive and therefore somewhat innocent and in a way I’m happy he didn’t get to see that side of his mother because it would only break him. And now that Oksana took care of the mother, Pyotr is free to be whoever he wants to and do whatever he likes to as well. I hope we will see him again, but at the same time I don’t.. because if he will at some point come back, he will most likely have to pay with his life and really, I don’t think he’s smart enough to trace back to Oksana, so he’s pretty safe. Plus he will have to take care of Bor’ka now too. I’m sure they will be just fine.

Like Mother Like Daughter

Finally we reached the most interesting part of this review. The more I think about it, the more clear it gets just how similar Tatiana and Oksana are. They are basically mirrors reflecting the worst in each other. And the difference between them is that Oksana knows who she is and she has accepted it. Tatiana? Not so much. She doesn’t like to be reminded of her own “darkness” which only reaches the surface whenever Oksana is involved.

The first scene we had with them together is when Tatiana arrived home and Oksana was freaking the fuck out. Why? Why is she so scared of her mother? And then see Tatiana surprised for a second and there suddenly she’s putting up this act before here family, this performance of being relieved and happy that her lost daughter is alive. First time watching it, I didn’t really get it... but you could see it in Oksana’s face. Her defensive stance. The way she basically just stood there, disgusted by her mother’s little play while she had her hands gripped into fists just in case. That says A LOT. But we still don’t know the history.

Even before their reunion, the first thing Oksana did was check out the photos on the wall. We saw most of them were of Tatiana, obviously. But one of them in particular caught my attention. The way she looked... I could literally feel the coldness radiating from her gaze and it just remindfed me of Oksana’s prison record photo that we’ve seen back in season 1. Let’s take a look and compare.

Is it just me, or do they have the same look? I see that “darkness” in them and what I also see is that they... are dead inside. Emotionless. They definitely don’t look like they are happy people. Because they weren’t. “I was not a happy person” “You were never a happy person” Oksana IS happier now than she has ever been. Mostly because Eve is alive and she’s the only one who truly knows her and accepts her.Who LOVES her despite her killing her best friend or ruining her boring marriage. Can we say that Tatiana ever found such a person? Guess it’s up for us to decide. Personally, I think she never had that kind of person. Yes, she was jealous of Oksana spending time with her father, probably having a closer, stronger bond with him than she ever had. So.. it evoked all those negative feelings inside of her and one day... she just decided to drop Oksana in an orphanage because why would she need someone who is ruining her relationship with her husband and who ultimately “ruined” her? It’s easier to just get rid of that person and continue living as you were before, except this time she had her husband AND her son all to herself, she was the only one who was “controlling” them now. Both, Tatiana AND Oksana love control. They love affecting people and having some kind of impact on them. But the thing is... they cannot be together in same place. There will ALWAYS be this competition of who’s better and who has more control and which one will end up being the family’s favorite, you know? So for Tatiana, the best way is to just kick Oksana out of her house, drop her wherever and pretend that she never existed. For Oksana? That’s clearly not enough because KNOWING that her mother is still alive, somewhere... doesn’t make her feel better. She can’t relax knowing that. That’s why she had to kill her. For Oksana, it’s either her or Tatiana and they just can’t exist together. So that’s what she did, tied the loose ends once and for all and did her both brothers a big favour. She ended that endless manipulation both Bor’ka and Pyotr was under. A parent should NEVER behave like that with their children so by the end of it, I wanted Oksana to kill her. Because that’s the only way SHE knows and we know that she is for sure dead and gone. The toxic snake is finally dead.

I just rewatched the “game night” scene where the family is gathered around the table and are playing a card game. In the teasers they included “I know you’re a killer” line and I was convinced that the family somehow found out about Oksana being an assassin but this is only a game. Unless...? It’s interesting that Oksana was the one accused of being a killer while the actual killer was Tatiana. Isn’t it a bit suspicious? I’ve seen a couple of people think that Tatiana might be the one who actually killed Oksana’s father and is only blaming her for “taking” him. Not only that, but they both were sitting across from one another, facing each other. The face off prevails yet again. Tatiana looks almost... proud that she eneded up being the killer. And Bor’ka was like “Mom, you murdered me.” And all Tatiana said was “I had no choice, Bor’ka” Sure, it’s a game, I know and maybe I’m looking into it way too much, but she didn’t care much about the fact that she murdered her own son. Who’s the say she wasn’t an actual killer? Someone who not only got rid of her own daughter and dropped her into an orphanage but got rid of her husband as well?

So there’s a scene with Oksana talking to Grigoriy about her mother. Everything has been going smoothly until they reached the part of them talking about how she and her mother are “different” now. Grigoriy doesn’t know anything about Oksana. The fact that they included Tatiana herself in this scene by showing her looking through the curtains and minutes later coming out to offer her husband tea is a good way to tell that she doesn’t like or want Oksana to talk to her husband and most likely affect him like she affected her own father once? She interrupted the moment and in thus she took that power back, control. She made the moment about herself and asked Oksana to go back inside since she also has something for her. So she obviously cooked up this story for her husband and the rest of the family about how Oksana died and she was so hurt she’s crying every night because of it. I’m not sure if she cries at all, but if she does, it’s definitely not about “losing” her daughter.

Then there’s a scene at the festival. I really loved the conversation between Oksana and Bor’ka and how he told her that their mom called him stupid for letting their family down. I mean, we knew Oksana was suspicious of Tatiana that entire time and did not buy her bullshit for a second, but now that her half-brother confirmed it, the look Oksana gives her mother.... is straight up death sentence. There are several scenes of Villanelle giving her death glares to people before she actually kills them. This was one of them and probably the most powerful one. She was already planning to kill her. Right there and right then. And again, with phenomenal soundtracks.. they used “I see Darkness in You” and this has to be the most chilling, dark soundtrack perfectly fitting the scene. It’s so... so matching the feelings and I loved it so much.

The soundtrack continued even after they switched to another scene meaning that the whole “feel” of the previous scene was contining. It did. Oksana put up a small show for her mother the very last time. She did something that she knew would annoy her mother. This was just a final test. To see if her mother would pass. She didn’t. It’s heartbreaking to think that the only sign of affection Oksana received during this last scene is Tatiana wiping her face clean. And that’s after she basically BEGGED her to do it. Of course, let’s not forget the outfit that she gave to Oksana, but this was the only thing she managed to comfort her daughter with... only to kick her out seconds later. Tell her that she never belonged to this family and that she didn’t want her there. And after saying those things... she had the nerve to lean in and place a kiss on her forehead. What a master manipulator and a lair.

She refused to admit that she has the same darkness that Oksana has despite her daughter begging only one thing... to be loved and to be admitted to that they were.. the same. Even when her daughter was literally breaking down in front of her, Tatiana stayed completely emotionless. What kind of person let alone PARENT acts this way? It was her time to go and Oksana knew it. Now, I’m disappointed that they didn’t show how Oksana killed her. I mean, she killed A LOT of people, and this... this kill is very important. I wanted to see it, I wanted Tatiana to suffer but I don’t think she cared much? Eve after Oksana told her that she needs to kill her, there was NO reaction on her face. Meaning.. she’s definitely up there in psychopathy scale.

I honestly thought that if she was to meet her family again, it would be her father. However, now.. I get it. Mother being the one who all this darkness comes from makes more sense. A part of me really wanted for Tatiana to actually accept her daughter and just take her in... but if that happened, why would Oksana go back to Eve and the rest of the world? She probably wouldn’t and that’s why things had to change. She had to lose her family in order to go back to Eve, who also lost her family. Because now they are each other’s family.

Ending scene

This is something I’ve been DYING to talk about. This is... my favorite Villanelle/Oksana scene in entire show and probably the best scene of Killing Eve for me. Jodie’s performance during this final scene did it for me. There is NO way in hell she’s not going to win her second Emmy for this episode and scene alone. I’ve always been amazed by Jodie’s acting but this scene was something else. Like, this woman has no limits and she keeps surprising me and I honestly don’t know if there is really any kind of limit for her. There isn’t. And the best part of this.. is that Jodie had to film THIS specific scene before any other scene in this episode. Can you imagine how complicated this must be? To get into the right mind space before you actually shot any other scene? She’s lucky they let her have the headphones on which is suuuch a huge help, music always evokes feelings so picking the right song will do everything for you. And in this case, her listening to ‘Crocodile Rock’ once again.. knowing how much the song will mean to the family... it’s just heartbreaking. And she pulled it off... perfectly. She did it and that’s the true talent of an actor. I have no words to describe how mindblowing and phenomenal her acting was during that scene.

I would just like to point out one more thing, which, by now, might be obvious? Oksana is NOT a psychopath. I’m not the only one who says it and even though I’m not a psychologist or anything, she’s not a psychopath for me. She was brainshed about being one and believing she is one, believing her family is dead, ect. She’s more of a sociopath than a psychopath, since psychopaths arew born and sociopaths are made. Sure, she might’ve been born like this, to some extend, but the majority of all the crap she had to go through? It’s mostly her mother, the abandonment, the lack of love and care... it all builds up, you know. On top of that, like I said, she believed she was one and that there’s something wrong with her. So let’s just keep it in mind.. she’s not a psychopath. If this scene on the train didn’t change your mind about it... I don’t know how to help you see her in different way. She clearly is capable of feeling things and she might not be used to those.. but she is feeling them and that’s probably the biggest confirmation of that.

The first time I watched it.. I was completely overwhelmed by Jodie’s performance.. seeing all those emotions just wash over her face in matter of SECONDS... it’s so powerful and telling. It’s like... the past two seasons she was so desperate to FEEL all those things... wanting to feel them and even pushing herself into doing that and now.. she’s trying to supress them, because clearly they are way too much for her and she’s so overwhelmed herself. The similar scene to this? Is the bathroom scene in Amsterdam back in 2x04. That time she was smiling while having a break down because she realized she was able to feel things... that Eve made her feel those things and now she’s feeling.. the worst kind of feelings a person could go through. The anger... the regret, the hearbreak of having your mother reject you all over again... and of course the final realization that... theres no family for her anymore. And this brings me to my next point... Jodie breaking the 4th wall. First time I watched it, I didn’t even realize it.. just because I was so into the moment and Oksana was all over the place and I just didn’t catch it quick enough as it lasted only for a split second but it DID happen... just look at her.

Breaking the 4th wall

We’ve seen it plenty of times before. Those of you who have seen Fleabag, Phoebe is just a master of that. However, breaking the 4th wall in that case is for comedy purposes. THIS? This is something deeper, darker, more meaningful. When I first saw this photo and when I actually looked at it.. at HER looking at ME... I got the chills. Breaking the 4th wall is a very bold and dangerous decision and in some ways I’m wondering why it lasted only for a second? Like some of the viewers probably didn’t even notice because she was just looking all over the place and her gaze lingered on US for a split second only. I mean, if it lasted longer.. if the scene faded or like zoomed in her face while she was eyeing the audience.. that would’ve been even more powerful and would have bigger impact? But the way I see this... is that Oksana is only starting to realize that Villanelle not who she is and that she created this persona that... ended up being her worst enemy? And now she’s becoming more aware of it? I did a bit of research on the 4th wall and I found these two interesting lines:

“ When you break the fourth wall, you creep into the secret mind of a character. Ever notice how many times it is used with psychopaths?“ (x)

This got me thinking. Not only we got to see Oksana in such a vulnerable place, trying to supress her emotions WHILE at the same time allowing herself to feel them.. but we also got THAT glimse of her.. of her looking at US and in a way saying “see? this is who I am now.” yet it lasts only for a split second, so that revelation only lasts this long... it’s marking the beginning of her new path. I’m not sure if this was even intended since it was so short, but a choice like this... it just had to be. And there has to be a reason why they did it the way they did. We’ve had other vulnerable and private scenes with Villanelle/Oksana all by herself... no mask on. But this, this is something more in depth now. It’s like.. in some way Oksana realized that all this “story” and her life up to this point was a lie. So this makes the whole scene a breaking point. They crossed a line here and I am soooo interested to see where they go with Oksana next. I’m not sure if there is Villanelle anymore, but that’s the thing.. what will Oksana decide to do next? Based on the promo for next episode we see her pretending like nothing happened, especially with Konstantin, but then we also see a few stills of her being with messy hair and basically being A MESS which anyone would be in her place. So.. if ANYONE has any thoughts/theories or any other information about them possibly breaking the 4th wall and how does that impact the whole story and Oksana herself, please come talk to me about it!!

Now I’m starting to realize that the ending of previous episode and the fact that Oksana’s hiccups disappeared the second she got off the train is because of her fear for rejection. She already KNEW she might get rejected again and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to meet her mother and was freaking out because she knew.. it would happen again, yet she went there anyways in hopes of things being different. Of her having one more chance to live a normal life and be loved. It didn’t turn out that way and that’s what she was most fearful of.

Overall Thoughts

I mentioned it before and I will say it again: this episode was NEEDED. We had to get a peak of Oksana’s past and see where’s shes coming from. I’m not saying see all of this as an excuse for her behavior and the way she is. Those are just facts, explanation and me, personally, I wanted some kind of closure and you know, to find out something real about Oksana. And we did.

This episode doesn’t mean that Villanelle/Oksana is somewhat superior to Eve. It’s not what this episode implies. It’s just that we needed this to see where Oksana’s head is at the moment and how she will deal with her family and how, eventually, that will affect her character. I would also love to see an episode about Eve and her backstory, but I feel it wouldn’t be the same, you know? I don’t think Eve had such a traumatizing past as Oksana did and that’s why it was important for us to see it. A very huge theme this season is family and that’s another reason to have this kind of episode about Oksana only and properly delve into the whole thing and get a real feel of what it was like and what it would be like to be a part of such family? So yeah, let’s just appreciate what we got and I still am not over Jodie’s performance. That last scene will probably haunt me forever. And that’s just how amazing of actress Jodie Comer really is.

So in conclusion I’d like you remind y’all that you are always very welcome to hop in my ask box or simply message me directly so we could chat about the episode or the show itself, share our thoughts and theories, predictions and anything else really!

#ke spoilers #killing eve #villanelle #jodie comer #oksana astankova #ke s3 #ke 3x05 #ke review*#ke*#ke 3x05 review #creation #where is jodie comer's emmy at?!#phenomenal acting™#the 4th wall

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7-oh-ta1 · 4 years

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*hands u a card* this here is called a "tea card" and it allows u to talk shit about ayushiki for a temporary period of time. Go off the shits my dude

*looks at my Discord status* I feel like I've used my quota but... ah well! I am down to vent. GOD I hope you're ready cause I got a lot to say about a particular scene this time.

Basically rn it's just sdfhjkk constantly seeing Ay*shiki all the time and not being able to just vibe with the COPA community cause they always bring it up and I have to leave the convo cause I don't want to always be like "I personally don't like that ship" (meaning I don't want to talk about it) and everyone say "that's okay!" but then continue on about it until another fan joins the convo to pep talk Yoshiki and eventually the original topic is gone and I'm just. sittin there. I feel like not liking a popular ship shouldn't exclude you from a fandom?? but the rift is always there.

As for the ship itself, l o o k everybody b knowing how I feel about it so I don't want to like say the same things over and over.... BUT. Obsession =/= Love.

Instead of "UwU Yoshiki deserved better" can we talk about how Ayumi deserves better? Why are we blaming the woman here? Because she legitimately doesn't like him romantically so SHE'S the bad guy? Hm.

When I was in junior high "I WOULD DIE 4 U WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME" was romantic but UH if you don't see anything wrong with that sentence as an adult what the fuck. It's emotional manipulation and I hate it. People don't understand that I KNOW men like that irl and the last thing you want is for one of them to be your "knight". They're obsessive. They're creepy. A man who bows to your every single whim sees you as a prize to be won, something to lure in and keep forever, while simultaneously trying to control you by yelling, "but I saved you!! you should be grateful and kiss me!!" DOES ANYONE ELSE FIND THAT INCREDIBLY DISTURBING. I've been around toxic people an ex-best friend of mine is an emotional manipulator and that's the shit he said.

"If you don't love me, I'll die."

"Just shut up and listen to me."

"Don't poke the bear."

"How can you talk to me like that after everything I've done for you?"

Like when men puff out their chest and hold up their shoulders and yell, just to scare you and shut you up. Yoshiki did that to Ayumi. And that shit doesn't fly with me. Bet Ay*Shiki shippers ignore the scene or blame the situation on Ayumi because Yoshiki can never do anything wrong or take responsibility for his actions cause they all relate to him too hard and don't want to be held accountable for their own actions irl and he's simply just too precious UwU

You know the scene at the entranceway, the one where Ayumi calls Yoshiki names? YEAH. That one. She gets angry with him for implying that he was going to leave without finding Ms. Yui and the others first, and after lecturing him he gets mad back, and then she calls him names.

L I S T E N TO ME. Ayumi is FOUR ELEVEN AND HAS THE WAIST OF A TOOTHPICK. When you're physically small like that, WORDS are your WEAPON. Ayumi and Yoshiki were in the same friend group yes, and she trusts him due to that, but he's not super friendly or her close friend AT ALL. He's BIGGER THAN HER. I was 4'11 for a large part of my junior high years before my growth spurt. When you're tiny like that, and a larger man is yelling at you, YOU GET DEFENSIVE. YOU YELL BACK. HAVE YOU EVER FOUGHT A MAN IRL PEOPLE, THEY GET PHYSICAL FAST AND YOU HAVE TO CUT THEIR EGO BEFORE THEY HIT YOU. Would Yoshiki ever hit Ayumi? NO. NEVER. But Ayumi doesn't KNOW that. She knows he's a bratty delinquent that's always staring at her. WHY would she think otherwise?! I've been in her position I KNOW how she was feeling. She had to defend herself, in her mind.

So how does Yoshiki take being called names?? Not well!! In fact, HE LASHES OUT MORE AND SCARES HER INTO SHRINKING BACK AND SHUTTING UP. Only when she's quiet like he wants her to be does he stop yelling in her face. Hm. goals. I'd tap that. We love men physically intimidating women into silence. It's romantic, even. (She also sneaks in a quiet snide remark to have the last word and I Love That)

Not to mention how aggressive the shippers are. I don't mind toxic ships or try to police people. I really don't care/mind people enjoying the ship and character because if you like it than that's amazing for you and you should enjoy it to it's full extent! Gush, draw fanart, write fanfics, do what makes your heart sing!

But I don't have to like it. I don't have to respond positively to it. Surprisingly, I can also talk about how much I don't like it. I know, it's a shocker, but I can express my distaste whenever I want to. If I talked as much shit on Yoshiki as they do Morishige or Misuto I'd be banned. Like I don't have the right too.

I can literally criticize him AND the ship all I want, he's not a real person, I'm not putting anyone down. Why the hell is me criticizing a character so personally offensive to them fr? The more they act self righteous and try to shit on me where they think I can't see but act nice to my face, and straight up lie about me, the less I like the ship and the character. Like. They just show me everything that is wrong with them and their ship. Their representation of how toxic the ship can be through how defensive they it is on point tho. Can't complain there. I won't lie when I see something small like my status send someone into a rage "yOU Can'T dIsLiKe mY ShIP" I smile like "yep... show how insecure you are by vaguing and only talking to people who agree with you. it's adorable how easy it is to set you off."

If you're one of those people reading this, spread this amongst yourselves to get pissed at it and my point is proven. :) This post is general about my most recent run ins, not anyone in particular, but if you think this is about you and get mad well.... if the shoe fits? Wear It.

#i proceed to go off #do you regret giving me this card #mom speaks #lindsay speaks #corpse party #fandom critical #shipping

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seenashwrite · 5 years

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Notes From Nash: Season 15 Episode 1

So here's the thing.

It wasn't bad.

It wasn't great.

Both those things are fine, of course shouldn’t want it to be bad, and matter of fact I didn't need nor want it to be great, better to save great for the finale.

But thing is, it was meh.

The premiere episode of your final season should be tight, tight, tight - no extraneous information or scenes, get in and get out, convey the most crucial of information, lay a foundation upon which to build.

And, well....

Meh.

[Of course, spoilers below cut]

Before we go on - If you're new, hi, I'm Nash. I don't so much recap these things (though I have been known to on occasion, time permitting) as break 'em down regarding the writing. I don't go in any particular order, sometimes it's in order of the ep, sometimes it's topically organized. Bail now if you're interested in meta and reading into shit or whatever. This is constructive critique, where I call it like I see it, both the nailed it-s and the whiffed it-s.

To begin with, let's get this out of the way - because it's relevant to what I'm about to say - that whomever is responsible for approving the release of the Jake Abel-as-Michael shots and the Sam-might-be-Samifer shots and the Dean-Mark-of-Cain shots and hey-is-that-Gabriel's-horn shots is a goddamned dimwit. They just blew some of their wad, right there. That should've been saved for gut-punches in episodes, not in previews and behind-the-scenes and all that other marketing jazz.

That foundation I mentioned before - I get what the season is going to be because, even if I hadn't picked up on it before-----

I had.

-----then I certainly did thanks to Sam's exposition anvil there at the end. *insert eye-roll* And speaking of the end, that flashback to the shutting of the trunk was so hamfisted, it just... it just wasn't necessary. I've said this before: leave little treats for your longtime fans. That could’ve been one, that echo back to the beginning, but they whiffed it with that insert of the clip. And that's what the entirety of this season should be, frankly. There should be *zero* explaining, *minimal* flashing back, because if somebody's coming into this on year fifteen, then welcome to the fam and all, and also I am so sorry, you need to binge the fuck out of everything and then join in, we ain't got time for that. Neither should the writers. Them's the breaks. They don’t need to accrue new fans for higher/sustained ratings, it’s the end of the goddamn show, so quit spoon-feeding explanations, and with that nice little moment getting skewered, I groan at the thought of all the flashing back and explaining that could potentially lie ahead.

So, foundation: is the foundation we're building upon this little town? Since that’s where we spent 98% of our precious season premiere time? This town where the ghosts who were interchangeably referred to as souls from hell are all clustered instead of flying away to wherever the fuck they want? Also, don't monster “souls” go to Purgatory? That specific clown was a creature, a rakshasa, not a ghost. If this is the ghost of that monster, did Purgatory bust open, too? If not, why? Why weren't souls also expelled from Heaven? From the Empty? From the Veil? The logical answer is, of course, because Sam and Dean would be no match for all of those, and we have to get them to the end of the season. But those are some nice places to start for laying a foundation: the rules of the game. At least some of the rules, so that they aren’t all dropped in one fell swoop with an exposition anvil from someone later down the road.

****

---> ETA: Several people have brought up to me that the clown is Gacy, not the Rakshasa who appeared as a clown in Season 2 Episode 2 "Everybody Loves A Clown".

Two things here:

(1) Yes, I checked, and see what y'all mean - the clown we saw is indeed dolled up just like the Gacy ghost from end of S14. I think the writers whiffed this because...

(2) ...the Rakshasa fits more with what they've shown in 15.1 (the Rak went after a child at her house in 2.2), and it also fits the theme of ghosts from the way-back-when, re: Bloody Mary and Woman In White, so since they've got such a hard-on for this Sam-and-clowns thing and apparently want to drive it into the ground, they should've chosen the Rak

Also worth noting, the writers never should have made it Gacy in the first place, the most cursory google of Gacy would've told them that the clown thing has been blown way out of proportion and has essentially nothing to do with his murdering (i.e. - it wasn’t his killin’ costume/part of his killing m.o./routine). I won't go into detail here, you can go on that journey yourselves, but his jam was not going after a cabin full of teens, nor children’s birthday parties, nor was it just willy-nilly murdering whomever he laid eyes on.

It was stupid call by the writers, and they should feel stupid.

****

[pause]

The reason I mention all of these places: these aren’t just the monsters that Dean and Sam have killed. This is what it *should* have been. But I feel - at this point, having no other info - that this is a major whiff on the writers’ parts, having all the souls in hell come to the surface. Because that’s what new demon friend said - that all the doors opened, that hell was chaos. So it’s not just the ones that Sam and Dean killed, at least that’s what I’m divining from that statement.

[unpause]

I give no fucks about this little town. Try this: Have them going back to the bunker to re-group and seeing things along the way, such as that car on the side of the road like they did. Perhaps they hear about a massacre at a slumber party from Jody. Perhaps Sam is checking the internet while Cas is frowning and looking at his wound, and is like "A mother and child escaped from a birthday party where a bunch of people were killed and they swear it's a clown. Dean - these are all our old cases."

[pause]

Stop with Sam and clowns. We got it.

NO REALLY WE GOT IT

Or if gonna do it, be creative about it.

---> shameless plug <---

[unpause]

Then speaking of Cas and the bullet wound - another bit of bad writing, here. Subtlety, writers. Look it up. Here's how it should've gone:

. Cas: [frowning as hand hovers over Sam's shoulder]

Sam: What?

Cas: [narrows eyes; hesitates] Something... I'm not certain. [meets Sam's eye] I don't think I'm able to heal it completely. Are you in much pain?

Sam: [seeming a bit surprised at his own answer] No, actually. It's not-----

[Sam cuts himself off as Cas' hand makes contact with his shoulder; sees blurry, muddled flashes of suggestive visions; gasps and stumbles back] .

See? We arrived at the same place, but elegantly. Less "YOU'RE TOTALLY GONNA BE LIKE A SAMIFER SOMETHING-SOMETHING YOUR VISIONS ARE BACK BLEEEECCCCHHH VOMITS CHUNKY FORESHADOWING"

The point is, the fuck with this town? We're back there next week, too? WHO CARES. And I bet you money, with how much time they wasted in this ep and the time I betcha they're gonna waste next ep, that I----

Er, um. I mean that "they". Ahem. The writers.

----could've combined whatever is going to be accomplished next ep into this one for an actually meaty season premiere. Which this was not. This was not a hearty, filling steak. This was yesterday's meatloaf that's still pretty tasty but soggy.

It's the little things. You scrap every single extraneous bit. Seconds are precious because when you add up enough clumps of them, they can equal minutes. Here's a tiny example: Sam laying on the floor of the crypt and being like "I hear water" then it's like "you hear water?" then "yeah maybe it's a drainage line" then "or a sewer" then "let's break this open", then the breaking, then here comes corpsey friend.

Instead: They're talking and there's increasingly aggressive banging on the door, they all scootch a little closer to the opposite wall, then corpsey busts through. We don't need all that blah-blah. And as much as I love new demon friend, I genuinely do, there was too much blah-blah-banter with him, as well. Huge props on the Alastair callback, *that* is the shit I was talking about earlier, callbacks with no other explanation, just the look on Dean's face when he said it was plenty. Well played, there.

Otherwise, let's goooooooooo. The pacing was all off, there was *way* too much time wasted, especially with all the Sam and Cas going through the town stuff. Easily two-to-three minutes could've been shaved off of that alone.

Because here we are: what was accomplished that was of import? Jack's body is possessed (and that demon is great, best part of the ep), and he confirmed the cage is open. This is interesting info to have. We got a glimpse of the return of Sam's visions, which hints at a return to how the guys were in the past, so might make us think they - along with the world - are in rewind mode, as well. Also interesting to ponder upon.

[pause]

Which, this then begs: why is Cas not being reset, too? Why are his powers still wonky? Wouldn't THAT have been a real kick in the pants, seeing Cas whup some ass, even if just moderately here at the first and everybody having a "WHOA" moment of looks at each other? And then if so, continuing with the earlier questions that at least should have been asked - I don’t expect answers in ep one but lay the foundation via asks - are all the angels back, as well? Is Billie still officially Death? Because Dean killed Death, did he not? So is O.G. Death back?

[unpause]

And... that's it. That’s what we learned. We knew at the end of last season that Chuck was resetting things. This wasn't new information. We were given the scenes of Bloody Mary and the woman in white and the clown at the end of 14's finale. So this information doesn't count. And like I said above, the guys catching on to this could've been handled in a more expedited fashion so that we can get on with it. The writers have very little time to wrap up the show, and thus far I’m not encouraged by what I’ve seen.

::sigh::

We got work to do, indeed.

#SPN Spoilers #15.1 #SPN Season 15 #SPN S15 #SPN XV #season 15 episode 1 #Notes From Nash #Queueby Dooby Doo #Dad's on a blog post and #he hasn't been queued in a few days #Nash Recaps

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muzeez · 4 years

Text

Sunday

10th May 2020

Sunday

21:22

Today has been cloudy and windy and guess what?? There's been no sign of Henrietta, Merlin, Persia or Folie. They've kept their behinds indoors all day long. It's not rained and it's not been cold but it's not been good enough for them.

So, a cloudy sky and a slight wind can keep them indoors but the thought of a killer disease that they could inadvertently kill others with can't keep them indoors. Which just proves my point. Most people will only play by their own rules, no matter how dangerous the consequences are to others. Yet, they'll be the very ones what bang on the most about how much they care about the NHS and moan about how lockdown is affecting them so badly. When the sun's been out they've not even tried to stay inside. They've just been doing what they've always done on a sunny day and today they've done what they've always done on a non-sunny day.

I've still had to have my white noise playing all day though because Henrietta has been "facetiming" and talking loudly and obnoxiously. At about 5pm ish,I turned my white noise off because I needed to phone Rasbach about something.

As soon as I turned it off, the first thing I noticed was that Henrietta was totally silent.??! Makes me wonder if she can hear my white noise and because she knows her voice isn't reaching me she gives up. Bitch!! Another thing I've noticed is that when I play my white noise, the window and door banging seems to begin. Henrietta with her windows (it can be like 6 or 7 window shutting slams all consecutive and aggressive. She's only got three windows.) Then there's Persia and Folie with the slamming of the doors. Then there's Merlin with his feet and thuds, like he's dropping a bowling ball on the floor.

It might sound like paranoia on my part when I say this but I believe they're all secretly messaging eachother in spite of and against me.

Maybe I am a little bit paranoid but I'm certainly not stupid. Not entirely anyway. 😂

At seven o'clock I turned it onto BBC1 because Boris Johnson was doing a speech about taking steps to lift the lockdown. Suddenly, Henrietta started talking loud!!

'Bitch!' I thought to myself. Shows you how little of a f**k she gives about what's going on. Her facetiming is more important than the information we're about to receive on coming out of lockdown. Also, I found it odd that she would start smack on seven o'clock.

I turned the tele up so her high pitch, irritating, aggressive, nasal voice wasn't cutting into Boris's words but I could still hear her. I sighed in exasperation and jumped to my feet (without making a thud on the floor... it's possible) and went to my little stereo to put my white noise on. It's only that that seems to drowned her out. Cue the banging and the slamming. The white noise doesn't drown that out.

If I ever confront them. I say 'them' because they're in a click and I know that if I'm confronting one they'll all be jumping in. If I confront them about things, they'll probably turn around and be like, 'oh what about you, the other day, slamming your door and screaming and what about when you play your music and what about that white noise and what about when you're talking.

Door slamming and screaming abuse. There's a big difference between one off episodes of out of control rage and malicious, continuous deliberate banging and slamming and talking loud on a daily basis.

Playing my music and singing. I play my music at a reasonable time during the day at a volume that I'm entitled to play it at that time of day. I've never played my music late at night, which funnily enough Henrietta has, when she's had karaoke parties and Merlin has on a couple of occasions on a Saturday and Friday nights through to daylight. Which, I don't mind, music is a good thing but don't dare have a go at me for playing mine loud during the day.

White Noise. Henrietta, you talk extremely loudly and not just on one off occasions. Ev-er-y single day for 10 whole years. Somedays, I've known you to start your "facetiming" at 8am in the morning and you'll carry on all through the day, through to the evening and you've even carried on till after 12 midnight, shouting and laughing and making childish yobbish jeering noises like you're in the middle of a bustling nightclub. Over the years it's contributed to me drinking, developing ear infections because of using blu-tac as earplugs. These things have played a massive part in me having massive mood swings at work, to me becoming ill and being, I'll be totally honest, Mentally Unstable, you know, over a long stretch of time. Earlier this year, I discovered that white noise is the only thing that has drowned you out and stopped me having to have my tv on so loud. After 10 years of suffering with your shouting Henrietta and your constant heavy footed pacing the floor, you are not going to make out my white noise, which is a neutral noise by the way, is bothering you.

As for me talking. Again, there's a big difference between one off conversations I have on my phone, one off rants that I'll admit I've had, due to the exasperation you guys have put me through and constant agitated shouting, childish jeering, heavy footed pacing, loud SEX, (yes I heard that). Things which are constant and relentless and I feel alot of the time malicious and deliberately inconsiderate. There's a massive difference between my noise and your noise. Mainly because it's your noise that has triggered the majority of my noise and I'm NOT doing mine out of malice.

Also, don't get me started with drunken returns from the pub with Jack the drunk. Screaming abuse effing and blinding, dropping trails of kebab meat allover the foyer, crashing into the walls. Those haven't been one offs either, they've been every single night. Late.

Then there's Persia. Folie's not always been on the scene but having Persia next door has had more than it's fair shares of trouble. Different boyfriend every month, thugs trying to kick her door in then making gun gestures towards MY window shouting 'WATCH! WATCH!" Blatant drug purchases right outside the building.

All that what I've had to put up with from you guys and then you all wanna get into a little exclusive click with eachother, clapping for the NHS but then creating your own rules when it comes to lockdown , so-called "social distance" gatherings right outside my window and outside the main entrance of the building where other people have to pass you all, attracting other individuals from other buildings to approach, chatting, faces uncovered, 2 metre rules gradually turning into 1 metre, drinking alcohol. You welcome Asbo George with open arms who lives God knows where and who once threatened to smash my face in and put my windows through and doesn't even fucking LIVE HERE.

You're all laughing and joking and being boisterous, then I stop by for 5 seconds on my way to get essentials and you're putting on an amicable act but I'm picking up on all the little mannerisms and body language and you allowed that Bastard Asbo George to start having a go at me about stuff at work, which he's totally wrong on and slagging off my friend Rasbach then waving sarcastically at me when I go inside.

All these subtle shady behaviours all because what? Because you've maybe heard some raw hometruths about yourselves in my one off meltdowns. Which you can't prove I was talking about any of you anyway because I don't mention people's real names when I'm ranting or talking on the phone when it comes to complaints. So, if you think you've heard your name you've MISheard but that's what happens when you evesdrop, you can get the wrong end of the stick (apart from when I hear someone telling someone else that I work at ******* and mimicking a banging noise just after I had banged on the floor.) And even IF I had used your proper names, so fucking what? I'm saying nothing that isn't true and what I've suffered, at your hands, this last ten years totally outweighs any anything you can say against me. I'm not saying I'm perfect but I'm pretty damn fucking close. Because I think, I'm a thinker, I take people to heart, I learn people's names, I'm aware of people and who they are as people. I don't have a desire to mess with people's heads, I don't set out to manipulate people or make friends with a person just for the sake of alienating another. I set out to treat everyone with respect and like human beings because I am one.

So, maybe it's about time you as my neighbours started taking a leaf out of my book and stop acting territorial over a building that we are ALL tenants in. You don't own the outside of this building, just you four. There's other people that live here including me and you need to stop being clicky with eachother, so you think you've got the power to behave as you want, sit where you want and ostracize people just because you don't like the look of their face. Everybody here is a tennant and everybody is a human being with equal rights and if I'm forced to confront any of you again about your unreasonable, inconsiderate persecutory behaviour, towards me or any of the other tennants and you try again to argue with me and throw things back at me, I will report you without any hesitation and I won't be as polite as I'm being now.

Maybe you can start behaving right now by getting your arses indoors and abiding PROPERLY to these lockdown regulations.

Don't make me suggest it twice. 😁😁😁😁😁

Oh and Henrietta, if Asbo George turns up, you ignore the door because he's nothing but a user and a bully. I know you've been letting him in your flat and I also know that deep down you are worried about your health and Coronavirus but you feel you can't say no to him and to looking after his dog. If he starts being persistent you call the police. Don't let him push you around. He's an arsehole and if the police are useless or he starts turning nasty and I have to come downstairs and run his ugly arse out the building, I will. Because right now, I'm in the fucking mood cos if he thinks he can be threatening and intimidating, I'll show him threatening and intimidating. In fact, I'll make it so he daren't even show his claaart passed his own front door.

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fictionaljournalofbbwomans-blog · 5 years

Text

05.03.4040

J’VOUDRAI BIEN VOUS Y VOIR (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8arj5hJ7do)

BB Womans’ day went down pretty harmoniously, her and Luxus levitated through Berlin in the sunshine, soundtracked by Lee Gamble’s NTS old 2019’s shows. Trying to give way to her previous obsessions, not to get smashed in the one the Masters lock her in.

Carrying CVs and a little cash, she’s out to try and find work! she has long pushed this idea away, as she feels getting brain sucked to understand how to properly read minds should set her up for a life salary, but it looks like this big rich thieves or professors aren’t considering to pay her for all these stollen years, cells and advertisement ideas, for all these unpaid porn acting hours or for using the result of their undercover study to lock the rest of the population in new social media algorithms. She will probably never get what she deserves and it fucks her off big time! But what ever she’ll try and make some cash money. Lets see what happens, Ideally she would love to do building work but does not know where to actually look or if they will hire a woman to break walls down, but she will try, the easiest and fastest being getting behind a coffee machine she will start by that… At least try.

While riding smoothly up and down the city, loosing her stack of cv and meeting a couple of old friends on her way, she warms up with the idea that life is not so bad, and maybe she could do it… Maybe she can even do it under constant harassment, their voices are slowly becoming some background noise, like when you have building work going on next door all day, you end up forgetting about it if it’s not too loud and always the same thing. If this has to happen, her discipline needs to be up up UP, she needs to keep on writing everyday, work, work, work, make art, make music, get her Radio project out and not drop a second for this Bastards to breath!

She gets 2 application down and rides back from wedding, wondering what she need to write for her second entry of the day, as she decided to go up in numbers, since it is obviously helping her rid of a lot of the harassment. For example the other day she wrote about not being able to download Catalina… Surprise, the next day she could, “Ha ha ha HAAAAA”. Further more since she wrote about being remotely raped, insulted and mocked about her desires and fantasy, it has also stopped, the only thing that is absolutely #not ok that remains is the body shaming and the harassment of her food disorder, lets see maybe todays entry will do it! Who knows… The same happens with taking screenshots and snaps of hack and bugs on her device, once it is documented it stops happening… The other day her phone would not pick up on network, she only had to go in the phone shop and show her phone to a member of the staff for it to start working! If you don’t call that magic… what do you call it? Psychic… Electronic??? Now doesn’t it seem strange they are not dropping the voice to skull… since it’s written and everybody knows…? Isn’t strange her BB twin bro, 33 Fam husband isn’t allowed to be by her side? Isn’t strange she still has the feeling her thoughts and actions are still shared out in bias ways that do not come close to whom she is or what she has to say and how. Where do you think they expect this is going?

BB Womans is puzzled by different attitude to adopt while going out from her flat. she THINKS: “I should look well, I should smile, I should do everything possible for people to see I am holding up, not worry or feel any urge to call the cops or the firepeople on me… But then, what the fuuuck! Do I have to put on a smile for being harassed? Or does this just make it look ok to be sexually assaulted and shamed… Like don’t worry people, do not take that in the cosy conforts of your home, I am handling it fine on my own… I LIKE it even??? Don’t ask me… Ask yourselves… Would you?”. At this stage of the story there are something BB Womans wants to make clear, she wants to write a fiction to protect herself, and some of this fact are romanticised, but she also want her reader to be fully aware of what is picked out from reality and what is reality, so she THINKS she will have to risk her freedom and make it clearer; The harassment, the voice to skull, the gang stalking, the remote limb jarring and sexual harassment could not be LESS fictional than a dog taking a dump in the middle of Neukölln and their owner not picking it up.

Getting closer to home her head storms up with images of scenes she lived for years and recently… People passing by anywhere; in the street, in clubs in shops and adopting 2 major attitudes, one of them is laughing, the other staring in a disappointed way. She feels the need to ask people to try and enter 2 simple thinking patterns to maybe get closer to understanding her and her everyday life and put themselves for even just a few minutes in her shoes.

First pattern would be to imagine you have had to endure such treatment for years, and when to harassing isn’t present you feel yourself surveilled and permanently performing, people come to you out of nowhere to tell you very weird stuffs, aggressive or not but definitely increasing your self-awareness and weariness. How would you hold yourself in public? Would you maybe, like her, put your head down, squint your eyes like a witch at every being passing by, where a cap to hide your face and risk to look angry and mean? Do you know BB Womans? Have you talked to her ever? Do you know her friends? Do you feel like laughing at them? Do you trust their judgement? Would you want to arm or bully them? Could that apply to her?

What are your sources on who she is, what she says and what she thinks? How do you read the news? Do you swallow everything that is written and said out in the medias? Do you know who is diffusing the infos? Are you aware of how easy it is to manipulate words to manipulate you?

The second pattern is this one; Now imagine that a group of people is paid to sit confortable behind some high tech machinery and remotely read your thought while bullying you using chatter voices from your family, in her case; Her brother, sister and mother. Now dive deep into your inner self and find this thought about yourself you battle everyday to forget about. the reason why you put make up on, the reason why you wear certain clothes, the weird limb twitch you developed along your existence because you can not cope with certain things, the awkward positions you find yourself in when confronted with that self of yours you can not stand, the reason why you tell certain lies, the things you repeat over and over to make yourself sound good, etc… etc… Now imagine that this thing or things, as I am sure it should not be limited to one shame, are constantly reminded to you… How would you feel?

BB Womans is not here to enact some self promotion, she is who she is, likes who she likes and loves what she loves, she is not perfect and has no wish to become so. She does not want everybody to love her as if that was the case that would mean something is very wrong. She will not compromise herself, her ideas and who she is to please everybody either. She just THINK that there is a certain level of respect and this is in the realm of possible human kindness to adopt regarding her… She takes it all and suffers in silence, try as best as she can to keep a smile on and a nice attitude towards beings she encounters and is tired to meet laughs and screams when painfully going out to the supermarket to fill her fucking fridge… Would you have written that in a kinder way? It does not matter… what matters is yourself! What matters to them is to take her down and keep her silent! What matters to her is to make sure this does not happen to anyone else! Do you believe her? WHO CARES?

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marvelhead17 · 5 years

Text

Miracle (Original Female Character x Cable)

Chapter 29

Summary: “How did you fix it?” he asked. “Ask Ellen the Teenage Warhead,” Wade shrugged as he stood up, “As for baby Hitler he ended up having a diaper change, funny story I was actually going to call Cable since he was so keen on killing Russel, I thought this would be like taking candy from a baby, if that means replacing it with a bullet that is,”

Warnings to cover the whole fic: Graphic depictions of violence, use of weapons, mild to strong language, mentions of rape, mentions of pregnancy and miscarriage, referenced torture and psychological abuse/manipulation, nightmares and night terrors, sexual humour, sexual content.

Word count: 2.4k

“What am I going to do?” Colossus put his hands on his head and looked around, “Most important part of prom is music and now we do not have any,”

“You don’t have a backup plan?” Hayden asked rather surprised.

“Band played here last year and proved reliable, bozhe moy, I must open the doors in just a few minutes,”

“Is the sound system all set up?”

“I just need to plug in a few cables, why, what do you have in mind?”

“You’ll see I’ll be right back!” she hurried out of the hall before Colossus could ask anything more; he looked to Wade who shrugged.

She entered her room and grabbed the guitar that was still locked inside its case, as she raced down the passageway again she bumped into a solid figure and nearly dropped it to the floor, momentarily stunned she looked up and recognised the face.

“Oh hey Cable, nice sweats, can’t talk right now though, I’ll see you there,” she quickly spoke before she continued on her way.

“Wait, what are you doing with a guitar?” he stood dumbfounded in the passageway in just a pair of his jogging sweats, he looked down and realised that she would have had to take in his exposed chest to even notice the sweats.

This gave him an idea; he quickly went to his room and shut the door behind him.

“I’m here, I’m back!” she said as she ran between some of the prom-goers as they entered the hall.

“Hades what are you-?” Colossus started, “Well thank goodness you are back; some of the students are already finished taking their photos and are asking for music to be played so that they can start dancing, we are already behind schedule-”

“Alright, then I’ll be quick,” she clambered to the stage and waved for Wade to give her a hand, she instructed him to set up two mics as she got her guitar out and quickly tuned it from memory, she then tapped a few buttons on the nearby laptop that was plugged into the set up.

She delicately tapped the two mics to see if they were working and then wrapped the guitar strap over her shoulder, she leaned in to speak into the higher microphone, “I’m going to start off with a little something for the couples that are here tonight, so move a little closer together and just enjoy yourselves,” she paused, “Also, I’m a little rusty so forgive me if I’m terrible,” she nodded to Wade who sat by the laptop and he pressed a button.

She strummed a few chords before she opened her mouth to start singing.

“I met you in the dark, you lit me up, you made me feel as though I was enough,” Nathan entered the hall from the far back and stopped when he saw her performing on the stage.

“We danced the night away, we drank too much, I held your hair back when you were throwing up,” her strumming quickened and a clicking sound echoed in the background, “Then you smiled over your shoulder, for a minute, I was stone-cold sober, I pulled you closer to my chest- And you asked me to stay over, I said, I already told ya, I think that you should get some rest.”

A soft drumming sounded from the speakers to compliment her efforts, “I knew I loved you then, but you’d never know, cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go.” Nathan stared in awe, he had no idea that she could play the guitar, and so effortlessly at that. She didn’t even need to look at her hands as she played so effortlessly.

“I knew I needed you, but I never showed, but I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old- Just say you won’t let go, just say you won’t let go.”

She’s an angel.

“I’ll wake you up with some breakfast in bed, I’ll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head,” she smiled as she sang this part, she wasn’t paying much attention to the crowd so much as focusing on her performance. “I’ll take the kids to school, wave them goodbye, and I’ll thank my lucky stars for that night-”

“When you looked over your shoulder, for a minute, I forget that I’m older, I wanna dance with you right now,” the students were a mix of dancing while others watched Hayden and swayed to the melody. “Oh, and you look as handsome as ever, and I swear that every day will get better, you make me feel this way somehow.”

Nathan furrowed his brows, handsome, that sounded like she altered the wording.

“I’m so in love with you, and I hope you know. Darlin’ your love is more than worth its weight in gold, we’ve come so far my dear, look how we’ve grown, and I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old – Just say you won’t let go, just say you won’t let go.”

A sudden solemn piano solo began playing over the speakers in the background, “I wanna live with you, even when we’re ghosts, cause you were always there for me when I needed you most.”

“-I’m gonna love you till, my lungs give out, I promise till death we part like in our vows. So I wrote this song for you, now everybody knows that it’s just you and me till we’re grey and old. Just say you won't let go… Oh, just say you won’t let go… Just say you won’t let go… Oh, just say you won’t let go…”

She finished her performance and the students all cheered, she smiled a bit shyly and did a mock bow before she left the stage, Colossus smiled and gave her a pat on the shoulder.

“You have a beautiful voice Hades, and thank you for distracting the students, I see the band has arrived now,”

“Oh, thank you Colossus,” she felt a bit off from her heart beating so wildly after performing. “At least the rest of the evening should go smoothly.”

“Hey, Cable made it!” Wade nudged Hayden in her side and pointed in the direction of where Nathan was standing.

For a good moment all she could do was stare at him, he wore a dark silvery grey suit that matched his hair that had been brushed neatly from what she recalled from seeing him earlier; the white dress shirt he wore underneath was unbuttoned to reveal some of his smooth chest just enough for it to still be appropriate.

“Hey,” she breathed out.

“Hey,” he nodded his head, “You look… great.” He took in her form from where he stood.

“I can say the same about you,” she tucked a strayed strand of hair behind her ear.

Wade cleared his throat, “So are we just going to stand here and be lame, or are we going to join in on this shit?” Hayden and Nathan both shared an uneasy look before turning to Wade again. “Let’s do this!” he clapped his hands together and grinned.

* * *

Wade was surprisingly still active despite his wild dancing for the most of the night, whereas Hayden along with Nathan and a far-standing Colossus stayed on the side-lines and kept an eye on the students, making small talk here and there to break the silences. There was a moment, however, where Wade had dragged Hayden to the floor for a dance, and Nathan couldn’t help his grin at how much fun she was having, and then returning to his side once the song was over as if nothing of the sort had just happened.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he chuckled with a shake of his head, she stuck her tongue out at him and crossed her arms.

“Whatever, like you don’t dance,”

“I don’t,” he shook his head seriously, “And don’t think for a second that Wade will somehow get me to either,”

Later in the evening they had to detain Wade because his dancing was making the students uncomfortable, to say it was very sexual was an understatement. And he had still managed to spike the fruit punch despite his flask being confiscated, which made a few of the students become aggressive and use their abilities to wreak a little havoc on the place. It wasn’t the first time though that the school encountered a little fire on the wooden floor and wildlife breaking in through the windows, but they certainly hadn’t expected it on prom night.

It was near midnight now and the students had all returned to their rooms in the X Mansion for the night, having been entertained thoroughly at the prom, the chaperones had stayed and were attempting to clean up the evidence.

Colossus and Wade were sweeping and taking decorations down around the stage area, Nathan manned the floor while Hayden was at the snack tables, half packing away and half snacking at some of the food that remained.

“I am beginning to think that Cable and Hades have feelings for each other,” Colossus spoke quietly to Wade as he reached for another streamer effortlessly.

“Correction, they totally do because they’ve both told me, but they’re both refusing to tell each other,” he looked down at them from the stage and he suddenly pricked his head up as if a little light bulb had dinged, “Time to spark the flame,” he walked over to the laptop and pressed a few buttons before music started playing over the speakers.

Wade then pulled Colossus behind the curtains and told him to keep quiet, covering his mouth with his and hushing the giant when he tried to argue with him, “Just watch,” he whispered eagerly.

Hayden and Nathan both stood up from what they were doing and moved to the centre of the floor, and glanced at the stage, they didn’t see Wade or Colossus and frowned in confusion.

“Wade,” Hayden rolled her eyes.

“You’re sure? It’s not that dubstep shit that he always tries to make me listen to,”

“Yeah, it’s one of my favourite songs, and he knows it. Hey dickhead wherever you are I’m going to kick your ass, I hope you know that,” she yelled the last part louder.

“It’s nice, I’ve never really cared for music, but this is… different,” he shrugged.

“Different?”

“Yeah, different, like you, you’re different,” she knitted her brows in confusion as Nathan swallowed visibly, and then took a step closer to her all the while extending his metal hand out, “Care to dance? I think we deserve a break after supervising all night,”

“I thought you didn’t dance?” she asked, he only shrugged in response and gave a soft side smile.

‘Darlin’ just dive right in and follow my lead,’ the lyrics sang out.

She took it cautiously and he pulled her so close to his body that they almost touched, his other hand brushed down her backside and stopped just at her lower back, it was warm compared to her own temperature. Her hand held his metal one gently and the other moved slowly up his arm to rest on his shoulder.

His hot breath near her neck and shoulder sent a current of electricity through her whole system, both of their hearts pounding furiously as they tried to push through their nerves.

She turned her head slightly to face him, if she hadn’t been wearing her heels then her forehead wouldn’t have just managed to reach just a little higher than his chin, he looked just as nervous as she felt.

His eyes glanced to her lips, something he’s only dreamt of touching with his own, before looking back to her eyes as if asking her for permission. She pursed her lips slightly and they both leaned their heads closer to each other, their eyes closing slowly. Their lips touched and for a moment the world around them disappeared and they were the only two in existence.

They broke apart, both smiling shyly.

“That was… different,” Hayden commented, a shy smile creeping through her features.

‘I found love, to carry more than just my secrets, to carry love, to carry children of our own,’

“I TOTALLY GOT A PHOTO OF YOU GUYS KISSING NOW, GOOD LUCK LIVING THAT DOWN,” Wade suddenly yelled from the stage, they were so startled that they had let go of each other and stared up at the stage.

“Fuck off, Wade,” they said together and then looking to each other and laughing.

“Brothers huh?” she sighed and shook her head still grinning up at him.

Nathan’s lips crashed into hers and she found herself held tightly to him as he wrapped both arms around her waist, she wrapped hers around his neck and pulled him closer, a heat burning inside of both of them that had not been ignited for some time.

They parted to get some air briefly before Hayden cupped Nathan’s face in her hands and kissed him quickly on the lips again, he hugged her close to him in a tight embrace, and then pressed his lips against her forehead softly. A few moments pass as he holds her before she carefully pulled away and peered up into Nathan’s eyes.

“What exactly does this all mean?” she asked with obvious nervousness.

“Well hopefully, a relationship,”

“Hopefully?”

“I’m only willing to move forward with this if you are,”

“And you’re sure you want to be with me of all people? I’m a pretty hectically screwed up mess in case you forgot,”

“There’s not a damned thing I would ever change about you,” his voice sounded rougher than usual as he moved a finger underneath her chin softly.

She couldn’t help the smile that crept into her face, she noticed that his cyborg eye was glowing now and she gently touched his cheek on that side of his face, he leaned into her touch just slightly.

“Neither would I,” she spoke softly.

Nathan smiled at that, “I mean it, I want you for you, and whatever emotional baggage that comes along with it, I want to bear it with you,” she hugged him around his torso before focusing back on him.

“And how long have you been, interested, in me?” she asked.

“Several months, I can’t remember how it happened, it just… did.” His arm rested around her waist.

“HEY! ARE YOU TWO FINALLY TOGETHER OR WHAT?” Wade yelled.

“Wade don’t pressure her,” Nathan growled at him, “Although I’d really like to know myself,” he gazed down at her curiously.

“I- yes, let’s move this, us, forward,” she smiled at him, “YES WE ARE WADE,” she yelled eagerly back, Nathan chuckled at that.

“FUCKING FINALLY, ONLY TOOK YOU GUYS A GOD DAMN YEAR, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO HOLD MYSELF BACK KNOWING BOTH OF YOU LIKED EACH OTHER?”

They turned to each other with astonished expressions clear on their faces.

________________________________________________________________

>> Chapter 30 <<

#nathan summers #cable #hayden jones #original character #marvel #marvel fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #russell collins #fire fist #deadpool #deadpool 2 #wade wilson #piotr rasputin #colossus

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opisliterallysatan · 7 years

Text

Caught

It was a starry night in Yanxia, and instead of getting a good night’s rest, Kintoki and Soga reside by the door, slid partially open. Only a sliver of moonlight shined in to the purely inconspicuous ‘abandoned’ home. They had thought this quiet little spot, long since abandoned by it’s owners, would serve as a good hideout for themselves and the other Domans seeking sanctuary from the Empire.

Tonight it became clear that everything peaceful in this country was only temporary. Imperials were snooping around the property; their horses had been brought out from their hiding space, as had their carriage. “Damn it…” Kintoki grumbled quietly to himself as he watched them continue to examine the area.

“How odd… I wouldn’t think the Garleans would scout so far.” Soga whispers as his eyes scan over the yard.

Both of the men are caught off guard at the sound of a voice, accompanied by the little pips and paps of tiny feet. “Daddy… Uncle..?” A little messy pink haired raen child approaches the two in her pajamas. “What’s going on..?”

Both Soga and Toki rush to her side as quietly as possible “It’s okay Su-tan. Come with me back to bed.” Soga insists, taking her hands and immediately dragging her off.

Kintoki cringes, gritting his teeth. “Clutch your horns, Suzu… And don’t come running no matter what you here. Everything is okay.”

Soga gives Kintoki an uncertain look, he would be quick to warn everyone of the situation, and have them prepared to flee. “Come on, Su-tan.” he urges her down the hallway.

“But daddy–!”

“Your daddy will be fine. Come on now.” Soga insisted.

Kintoki took a deep breath, an unpleasant feeling in his guts as he prepared himself for the worst. He could end up dead, and even if he lived, spilling blood was not something he wanted to do. His stomach turned at the thought of what would come in mere minutes from now; possibly even seconds.

Always prepared for anything that goes bump in the night, Kintoki reaches for his blade he had resting on the wall beside him. He straps the sheath to his hakama and stands up, placing his hand on the door.

The Imperials investigating the area, all immediately turn their heads at the sight of the golden haired man loudly sliding open the door and stepping out. Three men immediately run up to him, obviously ready for trouble at the sight of his blade. “You! This building is not under the property registration of the Garlean Empire! What are you doing here?!” one barks out.

Kintoki’s cold stare scans over the men, his hands at his side; showing no signs of aggression just yet. “I am sorry… I simply got lost after a night of drinking… I will return to my home immediately.” he explains in a calm voice. “If you would simply give me a chance to–.”

“Cut the shite, Lizard! We know you’re not here alone!” another Imperial snarls, drawing his sword and pointing it at Kintoki, who only offers him a cold stare in turn. “We know you’re harboring fugitives! Give yourselves up!”

Kintoki remains silent at this accusation as the soldiers continue to stare him down. After several moments of silence, the Imperial raises his sword “If you won’t answer us, we’ll cut our way through!”

Suzu flinches and clutches her horns as the sound of gunfire booms outside. The poor girl is left shaking as Soga soothes her. The others stand nervously by the back exit as they listen. Only two shots rang out, and the sound of clashing metal and shouting could be heard.

Soga gently pets Suzu’s head before he gives her the most reassuring smile he can muster. “I have to go help Kin-san, Nishimura-obaasan will take care of you. Just listen to her, okay?”

An elderly hyur woman slowly approaches Suzu and takes her hand. The little girl gives Soga an uncertain look as she backs away with Nishimura. “…Be careful, Uncle.”

Outside, metal clashed and blood flowed like a river as a fierce battle raged on. Three imperials lie dead and dismembered where they were once harassing Kintoki, and now the Samurai was struggling with several more. Getting the jump on a group of three was easy enough, but now he had several more with blades rushing him at once. On top of that, blood ran down from his chest where a bullet had entered.

The imperials all swung in succession at Kintoki which he quickly moved to parry. An opening was spotted and he spun his blade up before bring it up through his enemy’s warm, removing in a splash of blood. With his enemy’s sword arm gone, he quickly followed up with a horizontal slash through his neck.

As the fight with the remaining two soldiers continued, three more came running up from the hill, rifles in arm. Upon spotting their target, they each took a knee and laid their sights on the bloodied Samurai. With their rifles aimed, they placed their fingers on the triggers.

“Ten! Jin!” A voice called out from behind the soldiers, distracting them their shot, only to find Soga quickly descending upon them! Before they could move to attack, he puffed his cheeks and bellowed out a plume of freezing air. The enemy found themselves immobilized.

Soga swooped through the group of frozen soldiers, long doman blades out stretched. He landed with an elegant slide, his enemies spraying blood from torsos as they dropped to the ground, no longer frozen.

He ducks a sword as it nearly takes off his head, spinning around and kicking his assailant off his feet before swiftly slicing off his head. Another back-up party of three, now two, had arrived to help with the assault. With one comrade already gone, they prepare to attack only to find that their target had vanished from their site. “Where did they go?!” one shouted.

The other remaining soldier lets out a yelp as he finds the ninja squatting on his shoulders. His blades move in smooth circular motion, removing yet another victim’s head.

As the last remaining soldier spins to retaliate, Soga jumps off the now headless man and explodes in to a cloud of smoke. Not even a second after the cloud of smoke was formed, four kunai fly out and strike the soldier. One in the head, one in the ribs, and one more on the arm; the last one shooting in to the ground.

Once the dust settled, Soga was quick to approach Toki as he sheathed his katana. “Senpai! Senpai! Are you alright?!” he calls out, eyes fixed on his wound.

“I’m fine!” Kintoki shouts. “Get everybody out here, and make sure Suzu keeps her eyes closed!” he speaks in a commanding tone as he runs to the horses. They hadn’t scattered far but it wouldn’t take him too long to get them rallied towards the carriage.

Once the others exited the building, he had help getting the horses set up with the carriage. One after another everyone would rush on to the carriage, while two of the least suspicious looking people took the reigns.

Suzu did her best to keep her eyes closed as they walked by to the carriage. She opened her eyes for just a moment, only to spot a band of mutilated corpses. She winces and closes her eyes once again.

Once everyone was settled on the carriage, they took off; heading to their next backup hideout. Suzu sniffled and remained quiet as they bumped along the road, while Kintoki and Soga stared at each other for a moment; before one spoke up.

“Hey, you got a little…” Kintoki reaches a hand up and whirls a finger at Soga’s bloodied nose.

Soga reaches up with one hand to wipe at his bloodied nose, while whirling his finger on his other hand in the same motion at Kintoki’s bullet wound.. “You got a little…”

It would be a long ride, and eventually they’d have to stop for a moment to remove Kintoki’s bullet and dress his wound.

What an exhausting night.

#soga tachikake #kintoki takahashi #suzu shimizu #ffxiv #writing #doma #au ra #ninja #samurai #raen #blood #gore #violence

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antiagingsol-blog · 7 years

Photo

Utilizing Anti-aging Face Creams

youtube

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never age you ever wish you could find that her secret well today I found women who literally look half the rage we put their pictures up online for America to see and we also asked their studio audience to guess their age and everybody guessed they were decades younger their woman just like you and they're ready to spill their secrets they could do it so can you you can defy your age y'all curious about this before I first you're gonna hang out like a secret eradicate wrinkles now America thought Donna was 34 years old but Donna's chronological age is 52 come on out Donna when I get a look careful I cannot believe you are 52 I am so what is it what are they single look at you people normally think I'm a lot younger especially men who try to hit on me around the hole got a nice feeling which is which is quite nice which is very nice so there it's shocked amazing you tell me your age yeah people for the most part think I'm usually in my mid to late thirties which is which is which is quite flattering I must say well you should be flat because you are a beautiful woman are you willing to reveal your secrets yes I am doctor open Rafi get your little toolbox here show us your age-defying trick it is it is white vinegar vinegar cinnamon and honey so I have this concoction that I make where I combined make my own exfoliating face mask with honey and cinnamon and I find that it takes off a lot of the dead skin cells and it makes my face more moisturize and it also makes it you know quite supple probably how you do it it seems so simple yeah so actually what I do is I combine the cinnamon with honey I mix it up and actually use this every night I leave it on for about 30 minutes and then I use white vinegar as an astringent which it's delicious as well you can also eat it absolutely I would even leftovers me and then you could use the astringent which kind of tightens your skin and prevents it from sagging yes how long you been using this for I've been actually using this for a few years but as I get older I use it more frequently I gotta say I'm amazed something so simple can make such a huge difference in your life do you want to try it yeah please okay I'll be there I'll go first that's a move like you I'll definitely do it yeah don't you feel it working a little bit well I'd like to lick it off I could it feels it feels cooling acting but you know I actually looked into these tips in fact I did for all the guests onto the show today the vinegar I love because it keeps yourselves hydrated which is always a valuable thing to prevent wrinkling but I specially love the cinnamon in the honey yeah and the cinnamon in particular is a fantastic exfoliant which is probably the best way out there to fight off wrinkles oh it's great so I've made you a little you look wonderful guys like this I guess hmm all right now I'm gonna show you why I think this is so cool I I built you a little replica of your skin okay it's uh what's that maybe it's a big replica of your skin your skin sort of looks like this this big parachute reflects what's going on in our bodies now you'll notice we have some audience members here and with all women um oh maybe a little bit weakly pretend you're weekly I know you're ready not all right and what happens is the collagen in our body starts to get weak and especially as we get older the hormones aren't quite perfect you don't have enough collagen to lift up this parachute then look at this front area over here it's completely worn through right there's not no collagen a that's a that's a big wrinkle right there but there was your exfoliate with cinnamon paste it changes everything cuz that's nice bringing these big burly men burly men come on in burly men pink Alfa college everyone pulled back hard as you can it reinforces your skin it gives you less wrinkles I'm not that is pretty spectacular you don't think you that kind of war over there that's why you don't have Rico I think thanks girly men I thought my audience members I appreciate like a secret government agent discoloration on your chest neck in hands now America thought Diane was 45 years old we checked her driver's license which says that she is you ready all its sixteen she having no sunspots um well I'm the only girl so and the boys don't count so um my mother lived to be 94 and I will say that when she died she didn't look a day over eighty that's pretty good I got that yeah so you say fifteen years they allow it because you don't have any discolorations at all I mean looking at all of your skin so what's your secret gonna show it to us sure okay first of all in the morning when I am making my coffee I take some lemon and I squeeze it over the backs of my hands and the decolletage a decoupage of course yes Latasha you know what that is yes it's and um the acid and in the lemon helps to bleach out any you know when we were kids we used to put it in our hair and go out in the Sun it does yeah so it bleaches out any kind of discoloration you may have of course I don't have it yeah you don't have any company might actually blocks melanin production you

[Music] hey everybody its Angie and welcome to hot and flashy today's video is my year-end roundup of the best anti-agers of 2016 so these are the best things that I use this year to turn back the clock on Aging so in 2016 I tried lots of masks creams lotions potions sunscreens and a new injectable a new laser and some new makeup tricks you know I always say that 50 is a gift that keeps on giving and now that I'm getting closer to 55 it's giving me even more presence which I would like to be able to return but can't in the form of gray hair and sparse eyelashes and eyebrows and enlarged pores new wrinkles and new sagging my channel here hot and flashy the goal is to help me and help you to look the best that we can as we age people who watch me fall all over the spectrum of anti-aging some people want to go into it all natural some people only want to use topical some people want to do procedures and more aggressive intervention and so I like to investigate it all and so you can find it all here so let's start first off with the thing that I think has made the biggest change in my skin that I've seen over the year and of course over the last 4 years and that is prescription retin-a I am using the 0.1% tretinoin cream I started in four years ago with the 0.05% last year I bumped up to the strongest lengthy 0.1% so I now have a full year under my belt of using the 0.1% and I have to say it has been great I cannot really believe the changes that I've seen in my skin it is a long-term play you do have to use it for a long long time to see results I didn't really see any results until I've been using it six to nine months and then it just kept growing and growing so by the three-year mark I was like blown away at how you know the clock was turning backwards on my face it's been studied since the mid 80s it is the gold standard of anti-aging and this is great stuff if you can get your hands on unfortunately the more of us that figure out that this works the more demand it creates in the marketplace and then the pharmaceutical companies start jacking the price up so I have heard from viewers that this is retailing for anywhere from two hundred and fifty dollars to six hundred and fifty dollars for a 40 gram tube like this I paid $10 for this because for some reason my insurance company covered it a lot of people say that their insurance will not cover it I also know in some parts of Europe you can't get it at all in England and all this other stuff in other parts is over-the-counter I went to Spain last summer I bought two tubes for 12 bucks apiece in Mexico you can get it cheap at the airport so you know it's crazy how its regulated in some places not regulated in other places but Americans who couldn't get this I have great news for you there is an acne treatment that is a tretinoin dual derivative that is now available over-the-counter this is a new development 2016 it happened over the summer I just found out about it and that is that adapt alene brand name different is available over-the-counter this is another vitamin a derivative this is a synthetic but it does work much like tretinoin does this has been studied in a few studies also as a wrinkle cream so it has been shown to work as a wrinkle cream but with much less irritation than tretinoin this one was $29 for one point six ounces and this one was $14 for the half an ounce so if you had been wanting to try this and just couldn't get your hands on it here is a great new option for you as I mentioned before I do like a good procedure but because my tretinoin use I got to say I used some of the procedures that I had done in the past much much less this year so for example I had gotten filler a couple of times in the past this year I was completely filler free I didn't use any filler the filler that I had gotten before has completely worn off so my face is still are free but I feel like because of the tretinoin I don't really need it I feel like my skin is firmer and plumper looking and all that great stuff I do still continue to use Botox but I got to say I'm using it much much less than I used to just because I do like the preventative aspect of it so I'm going to put Botox as one of like the best anti-aging procedures that you can get the one thing that I did try this year is a Botox alternative is called Dysport I did like the Dysport better it's not as widely used as Botox but I feel like the main difference is that the Dysport does like spread a little bit more so it just softens the lines between where the injectable stops and your non paralyzed muscles start so I had a Fraxel dual laser treatment done and can I tell you that I absolutely loved it but for bang for your buck I still will say that Botox is like number one on my list and there is no downtime where this one laser treatment was $1500 it makes like micro channels of injuries in your skin it helps with collagen production with the laser there was like three or four days of downtime where my skin was just like fluffing and it was so impressive to see that and then it was oh my gosh it was beautiful like baby skin afterwards it was like velvet I just couldn't believe it unfortunately that velvet stage didn't really last that long for me it was definitely worth it because it did get rid of this actinic keratosis I have over here when I did my three-month check-in that wasn't gone yet and I was still hoping it took it about six months for that to really disappear but once it did I had had a scar there and like a little bump there that wouldn't go away and after about six months it finally did go away and now that skin is nice and smooth so I got to say that laser treatment really did take care of that so if you were a Sun worshiper and you're worried about skin cancer this is a treatment that can actually remove some of your skin cancers to come in the future it definitely got rid of a lot of my discolorations faded a lot of my age spots and brown spots this is a dual laser and my only criticism was of my provider that she only used one of the wavelengths there are two one is for surface discolorations and surface wrinkles and it did do some good stuff for my service wrinkles but the other one is a deeper laser that's more for texture like pores I don't really like this group Lee skin I have down here so I would like to have seen what the other lasers results would have been and that's why I'm actually thinking of getting it done again but having or use the other part of the wavelength so for the best over-the-counter skin care of 2016 there was a big splash when matrixyl synth-6 came out and I did try a matrixyl synth-6 product this is from timeless skincare this is their matrixyl synth-6 i put it in a test using it on my neck and i combined it with an over-the-counter retinol because i couldn't use my prescription tretinoin on my neck anymore and so i wanted to see if using a combination of ingredients would help with my neck and boy did it ever I did a video showing the results after I use the combination of these two for six months this is the Sarah V skin renewing cream serum this is their over-the-counter retinol I had used another retinol previously but it irritated my neck just as much as the prescription tretinoin but this combo and this in particular did not irritate my skin at all and so by the end of the six months my neck was looking fantastic I took the after pictures and I couldn't even believe how good they were and again that videos link will be in the information box below this one so the combination of these two are the best over-the-counter that I found this year so let's move on to the best temporary wrinkle treatment I tried a couple of different masks this year I try to mask with magnets in it I try to mask with gold in it I tried one of those temporary things that you put under your eyes that like makes a film over your skin and makes it so you can't even move your skin that thing we're great until you put makeup on and then poof away it went so the best of temporary wrinkle treatments is the de marche labs relaxing lift gold instant wrinkle smoothing mask with 24 karat gold I was sent this product I tried it in a try at Tuesday video and I was surprised at how well it worked it smooth on my under eye wrinkles it diminished my pores amazingly in just 10 minutes you put this stuff on it gold it goes on gold then it dries to white then you wash it off then you can put on makeup and the effect seemed to stay even when I was like smiling it kept my smile lines from crinkling up as much as they usually do it only lasted for a few hours I'm not going to say that it was like Chanel would last all day or anything but it did show some promise and I would use it in the future like if I was going to a party all right you guys know that I cannot talk antiaging without talking sunscreen and in 2016 I did another massive review of all mineral sunscreen the best sunscreen in 2016 was again the Hydra peptides solar defense this is an SPF 30 this is the best one under liquid makeup the other sunscreen that really is fabulous but doesn't work as well under liquid foundation is the exuberance sheer daily protector this is an SPF 50 PA plus plus plus plus which means it gives you full spectrum coverage over all the rays that cause aging and skin cancer but the big news that I learn in 2016 is that exuberance is parent company is NeoStrata and NeoStrata makes a sunscreen that is identical to exhuming it's for about half the price this one retails for $45 for and ounce this one's about 27 dollars an ounce and then right at the end of the year I of course started looking at sunscreens for the 2017 video and I found a couple of sunscreens that I'm loving I haven't done the full test to see how they are under makeup and everything but very few of them they look good on their own and there aren't days when I really don't want to wear any makeup but I still want to wear sunscreen and I don't want to look white or I don't want look super shiny or gray or weird so the one that I found miss here that is really great to wear on its own that I absolutely love is by skinceuticals it's their physical matte UV defense sunscreen broad-spectrum SPF 50 this is a beautiful sunscreen and it's so lightweight and fluffy it's almost like a whipped up texture and I just love it and it goes perfectly with my skin tone so I can wear it without having to put any makeup on over it it doesn't reflect any light so that is a great one for me another one that I have been using and loving lately is not a hundred percent mineral you know I do like the mineral sunscreens because the chemical sunscreens tend to irritate my skin especially the ones that were loaded up with like five or six different chemical sunscreens so if I turn it over it's got Abel Ben's own homo Sally octonauts a you know on and on I kind of stay away from those because those are the ones that really burn my eyes but I found recently but the ones that just use zinc oxide and octa NOx a really don't irritate my skin as much so I picked this one up so this is Obagi medical sunshield matte broad-spectrum SPF 50 you get three ounces so the nice thing too if you're not going to run out anytime soon and it looks like your standard white sunscreen but when you rub it in it just disappears into your skin and it leaves a lovely matte not shiny finish so there you go it's been already it's not white it's not shiny I just love it it doesn't accentuate cores and wrinkles so it's a really great sunscreen and it doesn't really smell like anything it doesn't feel greasy to the touch it dries back it's very very nice alright the last two categories are hair related I know a lot of people my age where our hair is getting thinner our hair is getting grayer our eyebrows and eyelashes follow suit as well and in last couple of years I had tried Latisse and I had also tried rapid lash both of which work fabulously I didn't like Latisse because it hurt I couldn't stung my eyes and they were burning all the time I loved I loved rapid lash it was inexpensive it worked great for me my lashes grew my brows grew then all of a sudden they just stopped growing for no apparent reason it just stopped working so at that time I decided to switch it up and try a different one so I picked revitalash advanced and I've been using this one for about four or five months now and I got to say this has been working great for me this has the tiniest little brush delivery system so I really love that it's not cumbersome like the Latisse is you just take the brush and every night before you go to bed last step paint one swipe on each eye right where the eyelashes meet the eyelid then I also apply it to my eyebrows a couple of strokes in each eyebrow this tube is expensive but it lasts so if I only have to buy these a year it is so worth it my eyebrows have really been growing in like crazy much much better than the rapid lash and my eyelashes too are longer and they're also fuller so loving that product and then my you know last little discovery this year was that huh where my roots were coming in gray and I had to conceal those so I tried a lot of the powders and a lot of the different things but the ones that I prefer are the sprays and I had bought two of them over the course of the year this one is the Rita Hasan root concealer touch-up spray and the souther one is L'Oreal root cover-up temporary gray concealer spray these both contain almost the exact same ingredients they work just about almost exactly the same this one is more like 25 dollars this one is like ten dollars and I feel like they are interchangeable but yet I reach for this one more often I can't really explain why and this is new one that I did just buy but for covering up your roots and stuff is so convenient because you know you just spray it on there the only warning that I have for you is that it does tend to you know overspray and leave little dots on your forehead so after you spray your hair you might look in the mirror and be like oh my god do I have a new age spot today no just you know clean it off with a little spit and the nice thing about the mo is that once you get it on your roots it is waterproof it doesn't cost you go swimming it doesn't get come off you get caught in the rain it doesn't come off if you have a hot flash so you won't have it dribbling down your face so those are all the successes that I had in anti-aging this year I'd love to hear if you tried a new procedure or a new cream that you swear by something that you love feel free to leave me a comment below I'm sure everyone else would like to hear about it too because as you know I love to exchange ideas with you guys I can't do everything because I only have one face but I like to try to get through a lot of it so there's a lot more coming up in 2017 here on hot and flashy I hope you stay tuned and so that's the end of today's video so thanks everybody for your time you know I always appreciate your watching and have a great day and I'll see you next time bye

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