#WELL DESERVED AND LONG OVERDUE FR | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

juuls · 3 years ago

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Pharmacist/Me = 1 🏆 Doctor/Nursing Staff = 0

Thank you in advance for reading this rant. I’ve been really frustrated and just needed to get this off my chest, and today at least I had a wonderful knight in a white lab coat. 🩺❤️‍🩹🥽🥼💪🏻

Content warnings and squicky squicks: (further down there is) an image of a medical vial with a clipped image of a more benign part of a syringe, health conditions (endometriosis, fibromyalgia), menstrual cycles and associated terms such as bleeding and other things, lack of empathy in my specific healthcare system, hysterectomies, pain, swearing and losing patience. Most important warning: self-administered syringes and injection discussions of legal medications (Depo-Provera) approved of by professionals and properly researched. P.S. this may sound rather Karen-like but I would never do this to someone’s face. Online ranting and acknowledging where I could do better is not the same as screaming in public for bossy requests or comps, etc. Ew.

Another ‘warning’… pharmacists being kick-ass allies and giving a damn about their patients.

I’m really annoyed because (and I know healthcare and scheduling is a clusterfuck right now, but…) for over a month now I’ve been trying to get an appointment in person to get this injectable medication that is, yes, birth control, but is also used for endometriosis in my case. And I have severe endometriosis (exacerbated severely by fibromyalgia, siiiiigh) to the point I bleed enough and lose so much I have to go to the hospital when my care is not properly preventative… like in this case, and the pain is unbelievably severe also to the point I’ve spent time in the hospital, including my 11th Christmas Eve and Day. I started this injectable medication at 13 because it was the only thing that came close to helping reduce my endometrial tissue. Even a hysterectomy wouldn’t help as much, unless they decided to go the super invasive route and remove all the organs (or parts of them) that had become ‘infected’ by the tissue. Again, tissue where it’s not supposed to be, and it causes extreme pain as the tissue tries to flush out of my body each period, even if it’s attached to, like, my pancreas. Just no. That does not work at all. No. That is not fun.

SO. I’m 31, nearing 32, and the doctor’s office knows this. I’ve had the same doctor since I was 10. Been on this medication nearly non-stop for just shy of two decades (with appropriate precautions such as bone density tests) ��because of the absolute severity of the pain and my inability to function when it hits… which can be months at a time of non-stop bleeding and morning sickness-level nausea and vomiting, migraines and the occasional complete inability to move—in other words, it’s debilitating.

My doctor (even the nurses, as it’s in large print at the top of my file in the system) knows all about this. They’re supposed to call me if I’m overdue by a certain margin (I get they’re busy but months and months???). But my doc’s also a bit of an airhead (albeit a smart one when he focuses) and takes forever to reply to anything on time, even when it’s a severe issue, but not severe enough to go to the hospital. But it’s gotten to the point where the nurses say to go to the ER and then the ER nurses and doctors there get SUPER pissed off (AT ME AND SOMEHOW NOT AT MY DOCTOR/NURSES AND THEIR ORDERS) at the ‘waste of time’, and it’s just a clusterfuck.

Oh yeah, and that ER visit while I was overdue for my injection? Internal intestinal bleeding along with a lovely, even if small, perforation in my fucking uterus from the growth of endometrial tissue. I MEAN COME ON — WHAT IN THE HELL. Totally preventable if they fit me in when I called literally over a month ago.

But I will not change my doctor (the other docs at the practice know what is going on and have offered to take me on, but they don’t have the experience with myself and my conditions or the history, but they can do little else because of professional conduct—it’s between myself and my doc) because he is the only one who treats me with humanity and understands fibromyalgia, endometriosis, pre-MS and pre-RhA/PsA, endo-related IBS, (ulcerative) colitis, and other neurological conditions with any degree of empathy. (See, I told you I’m a mess!) There is no way I’m switching offices in the perpetual shortage of doctors in Canada moving elsewhere for m o n e y (plus Covid-19 being a teen hooligan and constantly coming back to wreck more goddamn shit, including everyone’s sanity, then setting things on fire like the real hooligans in my village have been doing this summer — I mean… what in the hell!?!?), so with all that in mind I actually thank my lucky stars. So I put up with a lot of this shit because he treats me, besides him being an airhead, like an actual human being deserving of compassion and care and quality of life despite my severe disabilities and pain. So.

I’m usually treated really well (even if they often think I’m a nuisance for daring to be severely chronically ill/in pain all the time) so I try to be patient and good and understanding when I can.

But his STAFF (I know they’re busy and I’ve been patient but they’ve been so awful honestly to the point I cried hard enough my dad noticed my red eyes and frustration-tear fracks on my face)! And the doc himself’s inability to reply to notes on time even when urgent and when he knows the circumstances (I admit I am a bit of a hard patient so I can understand if he just kinda ignores me sometimes, honestly). But in this case I was THREE DAMN MONTHS LATE for my injection and they’ve always called in the past when I was coming due if it looked like I hadn’t scheduled an injection, so that I was all on time and squared away and didn’t risk severe pain and damage to my already-fucked hormonal system (learning I couldn’t have kids was absolutely heartbreaking, let me tell you, but even a hysterectomy in that case would solve nothing — this is by far the easiest option, especially considering how my fibromyalgia would fuck with my post-surgery recovery and leave me with lasting pain for years if not decades; sigh).

Anyway. So. After some ridiculous levels of back and forth and some truly remarkable levels of lack of compassion (she kept giving me the exact same, word for word response in a bored tone UGH) considering the severe pain I was in (I was told, in front of OTHER PATIENTS AND STAFF, that I could just wait until I talk to the doctor myself at my next phone appointment and then schedule my injection for my next MONTHLY followup — 4.5 months overdue at that point, it would’ve been — because, and I quote, ‘am used to dealing with pain because of my fibromyalgia and years of dealing with it and other conditions’ which they named in front of others!!!!!!!! what. the. fuck. But I kept my cool because I know all these people, my mom taught their kids music, they’re a fixture of the community, etc. and I refuse to be a Karen…. At least externally.

But here comes the nice part that makes me love our new (okay, he’s been here like 5 years but still, in a small town that’s pretty new lmao) pharmacist that much more. Rasik was aware of my frustration with the doctor and nurses and was even the one who brought to my attention that, at the time, I was 2 months late for my injection and he was a bit concerned since he’s privy to how much pain I exist in without throwing in one or more knives directly into my womb, ovaries, tummy, hips, and other areas my endometrial tissue has taken root. He’s such a sweetheart and he really does care for his patients— the work he does with my father’s diabetes (the tricky one where you’re not obese) management is above and beyond the call of a pharmacist and I will forever be grateful for that alone, never mind how he cares for me.

So I went in today to pick up another medication, after yet another frustrating stop-over at the nurses’ desks, and he suggested I ask for my injectable medication (it’s Depo-Provera, by the way) and the syringe plus the two tips necessary — I’m actually familiar with this since I had to learn epinephrine injections from an early age (not Epipen) and how to give testosterone daily to my ex-husband (sorry not sorry, dude, but congrats on your first kid *grouchy thumbs up*). But yeah! Legally he’s not allowed to suggest I give it to myself, but he was getting super fed up with the nurses and doctors dragging their feet and ‘being assholes with little empathy’ in his own words, so I took the hint and requested my vial plus syringe, as well as the drawing and injection gauge needles…. which he gleefully filled for me, and I reiterated that it was ‘fully my idea, not yours, Rasik, because everyone knows I’m dumb and would never think it’s you if something happened’ (I’m not dumb and I’ve given injections to others many times looool).

Long story short: HERE’S TO PHARMACISTS AROUND THE WORLD, BEING AMAZING AND CARING FOR THEIR PATIENTS AND ‘BENDING BUT NOT REALLY BENDING’ THE RULES TO MAKE SURE THEIR CLIENTS ARE CARED FOR PROPERLY. They are amazing and deserve every last bit of your courtesy, especially when they pull double duty every. single. day. because of Covid and their subsequent boosters. (i.e. boosters in the form of humans who are fucking stupid if they have no medical reason not to get the vaccine… I mean JFC.)

Rasik? You are amazing and I am 100% going to find you some Indian-Canadian (or North Indian; I believe that’s where he’s from originally) treats or desserts or make some myself after slyly asking his assistant what he leans toward liking.

Be kind to one another, yeah, but… my goodness: be kind to those who can truly make a difference in your health, sanity, and even life or death.

Pharmacists, volunteers, and frontline health workers: the true heroes of these times.

Thank you so much. So very much.

💜💙🇨🇦👨🏽‍⚕️❤️‍🩹🙏🏻

P.S. … now I just gotta stab myself intramuscularly after making sure there’s no air bubbles and etc., and swap out to the proper gauge needle (different, smaller, to draw from the vial, larger to inject so that it goes in more quickly and, oddly enough, hurts less haha). I don’t think air bubbles are as much of an issue as when injecting intravenously (ummm I have a doctor uncle and grandma nurse and nurse friends, so shush ��). But I’ve done this for others and animals so I should be good! :)

I’m a smart enough cookie even if I’ve lost a few nibble-size pieces around the edges. 😉😘 buahaha

Cheers to my pharmacist!!!! You are amazing and I can’t wait for the pain and months and months of bleeding to settle down.

Remind me again why humans are the only mammals (animals?) with monthly fluxes? UGH wtf ever. 🙃

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tqngerine · 4 years ago

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HELLO THIS QUACKITY LORE STREAM REFLECTION IS LONG OVERDUE LET’S GO.

That was a cinematic fricking masterpiece, how on earth is this blockgame roleplay???? The camera angles, the writing, the acting?? Jesus Christ, cc!Quackity, you really outdid yourselves. (That’s my streamer amen 😁) No, but fr, let me take a moment to appreciate all the hard work he put into it. For months, he’s been telling us how excited for and proud of this. Now that we’re finally seeing it, I share his sentiment. The way he presented your storytelling on that stream was so creative and unique. I can’t wait for more, all his support is so well deserved 😭

Now thoughts on lore: ngl i’m just casino!Quackity brainrot-ing rn.

Jkjk, I have some thoughts. Quackity’s powerhunger is really becoming more obvious rn. His character is building up and becoming more concrete. I liked Vilbur and Dream (as characters, I don’t excuse their actions ofc) so you bet I wouldn’t mind a villain!Quackity arc 😊✌🏽 I’m curious to see how Mexican Dream is gonna play into this lore too. They’ve been hinting at him and I find it funny how this silly bit is possibly evolving to become a player into the lore.

#is he becoming a favorite character... perhaps...#quackity #quackityhq #casino!quackity #quackity lore stream #dream smp #dream smp lore #mcyt

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goparkseonghwa · 5 years ago

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A Devil’s Covenant [ Prologue ]

Genre: Angst, Romance, Horror, Smut (in future parts)

Pairing(s): Seonghwa x Reader (mostly) x Wooyoung (briefly) + ATEEZ

Word Count: 1.8K

Summary: Making a deal with the devil to bring back a loved one has its consequences. Are you ready to pay the price for your sins?

Warning(s): Themes of Horror, Strong Language and Violence, Character Death (these will be throughout the storyline so read with caution).

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⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

"For the love all things holy, Seonghwa," You laugh down the line, the sleeve of your sweater covering your gaping mouth slightly, "This isn't the type of talk you should be indulging in with your best friend." You flush at the recollection of his previous statement, becoming hot and bothered easily at his low voice alone but his choice of wordage easily made you weak in the knees.

"Ah, but you love my sensual talk," He breathes down his end of the line, joking none the less, but still how he says it sends a faint tremble down your back. You secretly love it when he speaks to you in that manner, but you'd never admit that to his face - or rather to anyone in your inner circle. Hell, you could barely admit that to yourself the first time his words took a different toll on your heart. "And besides, who else would I use to practice my pickup lines on?"

Continue using me, please. You tap your finger against your lower lip as if you were in deep thought, letting a playful hum reverberate through your vocal cords in light spirit, lips turning up in the corners in the slightest motion. "Mmmmm, I know, you could use your suave moves on Yunho. He'd really have a fond appreciation for you after that." You stretch your arm behind your head, tousling your hair slightly as you run your fingers through the mess that was long overdue of a wash.

"You mean he'd probably have a fond appreciation for my chopped off penis sitting in a jar if I pulled that shit on him." He chuckles, and you can't help but gently roll your eyes at his sentence, knowing for a fact that the younger would actually find his elder's practice sessions enjoyable, being able to pick up on some tricks himself all while acquiring some form of blackmail to dangle over Hwa's head in the future.

"He loves your penis too much to ever bring any harm to it." You smile, crinkling your nose in endearment when you hear a scoff echo throughout the speaker, knowing his own cheeks were becoming flushed from embarrassment at your erotic, sinful thoughts.

"I highly doubt you on that one," He starts, voice becoming a bit muffled as the rustling of bags and other voices that echo throughout your speaker, indicating that he was at the market picking up groceries for a dinner he was hosting tonight at his and Yunho's shared apartment. Yunho had gotten in contact with Jongho, who seemed to be as much of a recluse nowadays as the spider, and convinced him to take a break from working on his novel to indulge in friendly conversation and delicious food. Seonghwa's stepbrother, Mingi, was in town for the week on business and Hwa wanted to reunite the five of you before Mingi jetted off to the next country for who knew how long, and before Jongho sealed himself off from the world again. ". . . thank you. . . alright, I think I have everything for tonight."

"Eh, you never know what could be going through Yunho's mind, so you shouldn't be too surprised if he has thought about it once or twice." Standing up from your bed, your knees slightly popping from being in the same, stiff position for so long, you maneuver your way into your bathroom to assess the damage that needed to be tended to before dinner. Cringing upon the sight of your greasy hair, and stained sweater from countless fridge raids, you turn on the sink faucet to begin your much needed 'spa treatment'. "Anyways, so what is Chef Seonghwa preparing for our taste buds this evening?" You inquire, picking up a washcloth to dampen.

"Ah, little one, it's a surprise," He playfully taunts, the tone in his voice making you huff out in annoyance. Surprises were nice and all but you would like to know what type of food you get to daydream about until it's finally sitting on a plate in front of you.

"Let me guess, you've decided to treat us to a frozen pizza?" You shift the phone from your hand so that it is now pressed between your shoulder and ear, allowing you to utilize both hands as you prepare your skin care routine.

"Damn, I can't believe you figured it out. You and the others get to indulge on a frozen entrée while I prepare myself a lovely steak dinner." He states, amusement easily interwoven within his words. His drawl that was as smooth as velvet was dangerous in itself, but when paired with any form of teasing or amusement it was a catastrophe just waiting to happen. The sultry undertone just waiting to pull anyone into a delicious, sinful paradise where temptations were acted on rather than ignored. A heaven within hell, the angel's fall from grace at the mere prospect of being entangled, consumed with another being that was corrupted beyond a point of redemption. But, those sickly sweet, lust driven whispers would be worth the fall if it meant you could spend eternity with him.

Knowing that he is merely pulling your leg, you decide to play along, "Mmmm absolutely delicious. My mouth is already watering at the mere thought of a burnt piece of bread with a pathetic excuse of toppings decorated on top." Sarcasm drips from every syllable that is enunciated with your tongue, a genuine, but snarky, way of conveying the lightness of the conversation. A smile graces your plush lips as wipe your face with the cloth, the water alone already making your skin feel better, more refreshed than it had been minutes ago.

A beautiful, deep laugh reverberates through the line and you could literally feel your heart rate slightly spike as the sound danced around within your ears. Something so pure, so sweet coming from the lips of a man whose heart was as big as the moon and whose soul was as golden as the sun made you feel as though heaven had answered your prayers, blessing you with a magnificent human who deserved nothing less than the stars. Park Seonghwa had easily found a way to leave pieces of himself within everything you did or saw, intertwining his existence with yours. A colorful pattern so bright it managed to dynamically shift your view on the world from one of black and white to one of vibrant, explosive pastels and neons. He was the artist and his words were the paintbrush as he transformed your life into a living, breathing masterpiece. He meant more to you than anyone could ever imagine, and being so fortunate to hear his laugh, to be around him when he was happy, to see him at his highest while also being there for the lowest was, and is, something you hold close to you. You would never trade anything in the world for those moments you are able to spend with him, the memories too precious to take for granted.

"But on a serious note, the meal I have planned tonight will be to your liking, so you have nothing to worry about," He reassures you which does improve your mood. Not that you weren't in a good mood prior to his statement, you were placed in a tranquil atmosphere the second you saw his name appear on your phone screen, but by him confirming that the meal tonight would be up to the high standards he always set made your spirits heighten further than the clouds.

"You better not give me food poisoning, Park," You grumble, scrubbing your face with the cleanser, "Or else you and I will be having a very strong, very colorful discussion tomorrow."

He gasps on the other end, "I'm hurt, Y/N, truly. You've punctured my heart." He feigns mock hurt, and you can only imagine the cute pout that is present on his plump lips, the crease between his sharp eyebrows and one of his hands placed on his chest, directly over the organ that you wish would belong to you.

"Let me grab my sewing kit so I can stitch that tragic wound of yours," You smile, grabbing the washcloth to dampen once more so you could remove the soap from your face and move on to the next step in your routine, "So, have you heard from Mingi? Is he in town yet?"

"Yeah, his plane landed about a half hour ago, so him and Yunho should be heading back to the apartment as we speak," He trails off, voice becoming muffled, distant from the phone as he must have gotten distracted by something or someone in the marketplace, "Hey, you like roses right–" He's cut short by the sound of a loud bang, startling you to the point of your phone nearly slipping from your shoulder.

"Holy shit! What the hell was that?" You shriek down the line just as another bang can be heard off in the distance, screams following quickly after. Worry starts to flood your veins as you drop the towel onto the counter, fingers now gripping tightly to the phone as you press it harder against your ear, "Seonghwa, what was that? Is everything okay?" There's rustling on his end, shuffling that sounds as if something has dropped or has been thrown down. When you hear short, sharp breaths through the receiver that's when your anxiety spikes dramatically. Something is wrong, something is terribly, horrifically wrong. The screaming intensifies as it draws closer to the phone, panicked voices forming incoherent sentences are jumbled together as well, frightening you even further. "Seonghwa, answer me! What happened?" A faint whimper, a grunt of pain and one final, sharp intake of breath is made before a soft, long exhale is emitted. Your heart sinks. "S-Seonghwa?"

"Someone call an ambulance!"

"Check for a pulse!"

"Oh my gosh! He's dead!"

At that, the phone drops from your now shaking hand, landing on the floor with a smack. Your mouth slackens, head becoming dizzy as your vision begins to produce black splotches in the corners of your eyes. A pounding sensation is heavily felt within your skull as the bathroom begins to spin. You lose your footing, stumbling backwards away from the vanity as your lunch from earlier begins to churn violently in your stomach. No, no, no, no, no. This isn't happening. They can't be talking about Hwa, it has to be someone else. But hearing his name faintly come through the speaker by an unknown voice confirms your worst nightmare.

You’re numb, face the palest white possible as all of the blood seems to evaporate from under your skin, from your veins, your heart stuttering in your chest. It rapidly presses against your ribcage and you feel as though it’s about to combust from the pain that is pulsing through it, searing it so deeply that being physically stabbed in the chest would be like a measly paper cut – and you’d much rather be impaled a hundred times over than feeling what you are currently feeling.

Your eyes connect with your reflection for a brief second, in the next they roll into the back of your head, your weak frame toppling over, falling right next to your phones now cracked screen.

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potentiallymrsdevorak · 6 years ago

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In Fields of Flowers (The Arcana)

Chapter Five: Tea Roses (I’ll Remember, Always)

Pairing: Julian x Nijah

Summary: Nijah has contracted the plague. How will she spend her last days? Will Julian find a cure in time?

Word Count: 4700~

Author’s Note: Long overdue but this is the final chapter in the series! I’ve really enjoyed writing it but will probably not do another series for a long time! They are a lot of work (if you know me from the last fandom I was in you would know lol). I really hope you guys enjoyed and I will still continue writing!!!

Tagging: @drunkenomnist, @rromanovv, @juliandevoraknsfw

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The first day was not as bad as she anticipated.

Sure, her body ached a little bit, but without noticing the red sclera, she would have never known she was sick.

She was quarantined right away, in the same room she has been in ever since she started treating other patients. Funny how the tables have turned, she thought as Dr. Satrinava came in to run tests on her. Her thumb rubbed against the ring that sat on her finger, twirling the band round and round in anticipation.

“You too, Nijah?”

“Seems so.”

The doctor tisked and shook their head, looking over their notes. “So it says that you saw it this morning right after you woke up. Was there something you may have done to cause the spread of the plague?”

“I took off my mask right after my last patient died.”

“Ah, I see.” Satrinava answered, scribbling frantically in their notes. Nijah knew they were silently judging her, for that was something they had taught all the apprentices not to do a long time ago. “It spreads much quicker than we anticipated…” Muttering a few key notes to themselves, they folded the paper and placed it in their pocket.

The doctor began a series of tests and treatments - some that were quick and practically painless, and some that felt horrible and lasted all day. She was forced to lather herself in animal bile, dance until her feet nearly bled, drink an herbal mixture that tasted nothing like she had imagined, and a few other things that truly made her feel even worse than before.

“Dr. Satrinava...do you think that all of this will work?” Nijah asked as she inhaled the scent of a dead rat through her nostrils. She silently applauded herself from not gagging.

“It wouldn’t hurt to try…” They said before packing up their medicinal cart. “I will be coming back with your dinner soon. Thank you for being cooperative with me today.”

“No problem...as long as the cure is found soon.”

“By the way,” they added, “as you were changing into your patient’s gown, I noticed that there was a document left in here for you.” They handed you a piece of paper, folded ever so perfectly. She knew exactly what this was.

As Dr. Satrinava exited the room, she curled up in the corner of her cot, opening the delicate piece of paper slowly. The way the ink traveled across the paper made her feel a sense of relief, and she swore his scent was embedded in the paper itself. It was as if she was in his arms all over again as her fingers trailed over every single word he had written for her eyes only.

My darling Nijah,

It pains me so much to leave your side. I would even be upset if I was only gone for a day. However, I do not know how long I will be away from you, which breaks my heart the most.

If you are reading this, it means that I am already at the palace in Vesuvia. Funny, isn’t it, that the castle was what brought us together and now it is tearing us apart? It’s a bittersweet irony that I cannot stop thinking about.

But although I cannot be with you now, I want you to know that my heart only longs for you. You’re the one I want to come home to every night, to wake up next to every morning, to spend every waking moment of every day. I can’t stop thinking about it, a life with you is the only thing I want.

One might think how I fell for you so quickly. Call it fate, call it destiny...when I first saw you in the ballroom, I knew I had found the one. You’ve been so kind, so sweet, so caring and loving to a man who doesn’t deserve anything at all...when I’m with you, Nijah, I’m home.

I promise I will marry you. I have another ring picked out so I may properly propose to you. We can take our time or we can rush things...whatever you want. I’m going to give you the life you’ve always wanted.

Wait for me. Please.

I love you,

Dr. Julian Devorak

Nijah held the paper close to her heart and clutched her swollen stomach with the other hand, the tears overflowing from her eyes. She realized she could never give him the future that he deserved.

And that made her feel worse than the plague ever could.

By the second day, her spirits were already low.

When she fell asleep the night before, she felt nothing but emptiness. She missed having Julian by her side, let alone anyone around her, and she tossed and turned in the cot until she finally drifted off to sleep. However, her mind was only filled with nightmares, waking her up after what felt like a few moments of sleep. She could feel the eye bags bulging as she woke up, not even able to be cured by a fresh breeze.

She knew that her body was aching and trembling, so much that even Dr. Satrinava was concerned. They ceased to do too many treatments that day for her sake, but still made their best attempt to give her some relief. But even the leeches weren’t enough.

“Does it hurt?”

“Not really.” Nijah eyes the parasite sucking her blood out of her. This probably isn’t good for the baby, isn’t it? “It just makes me feel a little more...drained.”

The doctor chuckled under her breath, eyes twinkling a bit as she carefully peeled off the creature. “Even at your worst, you’re still trying your best. I respect that, Nijah.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

They placed the leech back in it’s jar and prepared to leave until tomorrow. “I will have someone else bring your dinner momentarily. I think it might make you feel better than the leeches.”

As if right on cue, there was a knock on the door to the room. The door creaked as another plague mask with a plate of warm food came into view.

“Hello?”

Nijah knew that voice right away, her entire face lighting up. “Katja!” She sprung up out of her seat a little too quickly, making her knees wobble as she fell right back into her spot.

Katja rushed over to her side. “Hey, don’t hurt yourself!” She laughed as she helped Nijah get settled in. She placed a soft blanket over her legs and placed the plate in her lap.

Dr. Satrinava nodded at the two friends, a smile crossing over their features. “Then I will leave you to it, Doctor 193.” And with one last wave, she was gone for the evening.

“Nijah, Nijah...what am I going to do with you?” Katja crossed her arms over her chest. “How in all the seven hells did you catch the plague?”

“I’m not the smartest, you see,” Nijah said with a mouth full of potatoes, “and I took off my mask after my last patient died.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I didn’t want to fill it with my tears.”

“Oh, that’s right…” Katja remembered their conversation previously in the dining hall, and how Nijah’s best friend from home had to die under her care. “I guess that is valid. Didn’t think the plague would spread so quickly, huh?”

“Definitely not.” Nijah moved on to the meat, chewing it roughly. It was more tender than she was used to.

“Have you heard from Dr. Devorak since you left?” Katja wiggled her eyebrows and gave her a smug grin.

“No, but…” Nijah sighed. “He wrote me a letter that I read yesterday. And he wanted me to stay here until he came back from Vesuvia, but it seems like that will be impossible now.”

Katja’s eyebrows knit sadly, her gloved hand rubbing against Nijah’s leg. “I’m sorry, dear.”

“He wants to marry me, Katja.” She confessed, holding out her ring finger for her friend to see. “He wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And I can’t even give him that.”

Katja’s gaze trailed over to the golden band, shining in the dim light of the room. “It’s beautiful, Nijah…”

“Want to know the worst part?” She choked up, her right hand pressing her stomach. “I’m...I’m pregnant, Katja.” She squeezed her eyes shut, the vulnerability of revealing such a huge secret frightening her.

Katja’s jaw nearly came unhinged from her skull. “Nijah...when were you going to tell me?” She shuffled closer to her friend, holding her ear next to her friend’s stomach. “How far along are you?”

“I have no idea. Jul-I mean, Dr. Devorak and I have...done it many times.”

Her friend’s face twisted in confusion. “Wait a minute. Just how many times are we talking about here?”

“Well…”

And so Nijah told her the whole story, how she met Dr. Devorak as a stranger at the masquerade, how he quite figuratively (and literally) swept her off her feet. From the enchanting first night they spent together to the time he cornered her in his office, telling her to forget that there was anything even between them. How Luka had tried to kill her if she didn’t let him have her body for the night, and how Dr. Devorak saved her life. She didn’t leave out any details, any moments, any words that he may have said. She wanted Katja to know everything.

A huge weight lifted off her shoulders as she finished the story. “And then he had to leave. Just like that. And he still doesn’t know…”

“Nijah…” Katja shook her head and let her gaze cross across the floor.

“And there’s no way he’ll ever know. He’ll never be back in time...to give me the cure…”

Nijah’s eyes overflowed with tears once more, a sensation she has become quite familiar with. She was hopeless by this point. She would never see Dr. Devorak again. She would never tell him that she had been carrying his child for months. She would never get to marry him. She would never spend the rest of her life with him.

In fact, she would be lucky if she even got to take a step outside of the walls of her cell, holding her back as if she was a prisoner. Nothing could save her from this terrible fate.

Katja knew her words couldn’t help her friend this time. As Nijah cried, she held her friend close to her chest, at least trying to give her one last bit of comfort before she was gone forever.

The third day was the worst of them all.

Nijah could barely feel anything but fire burning through her body. It hurt to move, to blink, hell, it even hurt to breathe. The ring and the rest of the clothes made it feel like something was holding her underwater, not giving her any room to catch her breath. Every time she coughed, it was like she was being stabbed in her chest. The blood splatters on the floor and on her hand made it more believable, as well.

She curled up on her side in the cot, not wanting to move a muscle any longer. She was ready to leave this world.

Katja came and saw her one more time. She was surprised to see her dear friend in such a terrible state. It looked like she hadn’t eaten in days, her body was nearly skin and bones, and she looked much paler than normal. The red dots on the ground were what worried her the most

“Wh...what happened here?” She asked with a worried tone, getting down on her knees to examine the spots left all over her side of the room. “You didn’t try to...” she continued, looking at her friend’s wrists.

As if on cue, another cough racked Nijah’s body, blood spurting out of her mouth and landing right at Katja’s feet. She fell deeper into the cot, feeling defeated. She was essentially hopeless.

“Nijah…” Katja muttered, a gloved finger rubbing through the droplets, “This...we’ve never seen something like this in a patient before. Have you?”

Nijah shook her head to the best of her ability. She thought she saw Selene cough up blood, but she couldn’t remember in her state.

“This...this is the biggest breakthrough we’ve made yet!” Katja jumped up, immediately jotting down as many notes as she could. “We can take samples of your blood and run tests on them. Valdemar and Satrinava could send the data results to Dr. Devorak and it could get him closer to the cure for...for…”

Her eyes fell on her dying friend. She had never seen someone she cared for looking so malnourished, so horribly fucked over in this way. A wave of sadness crashed over her mind as she came to sit next to her on the cot.

“Ah, Nijah...I have a lot to thank you for. Not just for this. But I think you’ve made me better.” Katja took her clean gloved hand and patted her on the back. Nijah winced a bit, taking a gasp of air (that, of course, made her feel much worse).

“Ah, probably not the best thing to do right now.” Katja placed her hand in her lap, interlacing it with her other fingers. “...I mean it, though. Your kindness to me has helped me not be so bitter. Involving me in your life has made me feel like a part of something bigger than myself. I will cherish this friendship forever and ever. I’ll…” she sniffed, holding back tears. “...I’ll never forget you, Nijah.”

As she stood to leave, she opened her coat pocket and pulled out an iris. “I saw this while I was walking the grounds last night...and I think you would want it more than me.” She placed the flower in front of Nijah’s hands, giving her friend one last smile before she left her forever.

“Goodbye, Nijah. Sweet dreams.”

As she shut the door behind her, Nijah decided to follow her orders, closing her eyes as her fingers gripped the frail flower stem, hoping her dreams would be better than reality.

I’ve been in this place before, she thought.

It was the same flower field from her first time meeting Selene. The same one she saw when she spent her first night with Julian. This was her favorite place. This time, there was no cloudy red skies or thunderstorms. The flowers bloomed gracefully, the sweet fragrances flowing from their buds, and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. The only thing she could see was life.

And she could feel the life inside of her, Julian’s child. She looked down and saw that her belly had swollen to twice its size underneath her cropped shirt and long pink skirt. She held it tenderly, rubbing it and wondering what her baby would look like when it was finally born. Had she and Julian talked about baby names yet? She kept on imagining that she would name him Azrael, but only time would tell who they will become.

Suddenly, she heard a voice come from behind her. She was surprised to see that Selene had reincarnated herself, wearing a flowing white dress, much different than her usual attire.

“Nijah! You’re here!” She shouted, hopping through the flowers to embrace her friend. She took great care to hold the baby bump, too. For Selene, the child would be like family to her.

As Nijah squeezed her friend around the shoulders, she felt someone else’s presence behind her. “Good to see you’re okay, hun.” That voice had to be Katja, she thought as her own arms held them all together, as if they were three peas inside of a pod. Their feminine scents overwhelmed Nijah’s nose to the point where she was almost dizzy.

“It’s so good to have you all here.” Nijah smiled as her friends released her, joining hands with each of them. These women meant so much to her, and she would be forever thankful for their roles in their lives. She just hoped they knew that.

Before long, a tall figure made their way through the flower beds. Nijah, of course, knew who they were right away.

“Dr. Jules!” She shouted, joined by the giggles of the women right beside her.

As he came even closer, she could see the happiness on his face. Finally, she thought, we can have the life we have wanted for so long. He leaned in and kissed her forehead, his hands cupping her face so perfectly.

“Ah, darling. You look as beautiful as ever.” He crooned, his hands moving down to the bump in her stomach. “And Odine is looking nearly as good as her mother.”

Nijah rolled her eyes. “How are you so sure it will be a girl?”

“I’m a doctor, my dear. I know these things.”

Her knees felt weak as he flashed his signature grin. She couldn’t resist it. He had a hold on her that she could never break free from, and she was just fine with that.

He turned around on his heel, looking back at her over his shoulder. “Are you ready for your next journey to begin?”

Without hesitation, she answered, “Yes.” And together, they all moved forward through the flowers, off into the setting sun.

And in that moment, her hurting soul finally left the world.

Julian was very busy at the palace, doing his best to find a cure. It turned out that Count Lucio had contracted it himself, although unlike the rest of the city, he had managed to have it for weeks and not die. It was a medical mystery to the doctor, but a pain in the ass for his coworker.

“Sometimes, I wish he would just die already.” Asra muttered under his breath as his fingers brushed against the book spines on the shelves in the library.

Julian rolled his eyes, diving back into his work. For some reason, the magician rubbed him the wrong way. It was something about his cat-like smile making him think he was a suspicious person. His flat-out disdain for the Count was nothing but offensive to him, let alone the entire city. And the way his white hair bounced as he walked...Julian wished he could tame his curls to not have a mind on their own. He was completely jealous.

But, his mind trailed back to the woman who held his affections. He thought of her blonde, flowing hair, the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled, the freckles dotting her cheeks and shoulders that he secretly loved, reminding him of the stars in the sky. He thought of her voice saying his name, her laugh directed at something witty he may have said or that he may have ran into a door frame. He thought of her fingers, touching him delicately across his face, making him feel at peace once again...

A knock on the door jolted Julian’s thoughts. A servant entered the room, a scroll rolled up in his hand.

“Dr. Devorak. This was sent for you.”

“For...me?” He asked, his cheeks feeling warm. He’s never received any sort of letters before, even when he was just beginning his practice.

He thanked the servant and unrolled it right where he stood. But, as he began to read it, he slowly sunk back into his chair, similar to his smile turning into a frown.

Dear Dr. Devorak,

I hope this letter finds you well. Unfortunately, I am writing this letter to bring you terrible news. Nijah has died of the plague.

She contacted it while taking care of her best friend, Selene, who passed after you left for the palace. Nijah may not have told you...she tended to keep her burdens to herself, didn’t she? Anyways, she caught it quickly after making a fatal mistake after her friend died. Although her mistake was tragic, her symptoms have given us further research to test and send to you in hopes that it will help you find the cure.

She is in a much better place now, Dr. Devorak. She spoke of you so highly, and she is so proud of your accomplishments. She loved you so much. Her final wish was to be buried with the ring you gifted her.

I hope that you continue to work hard so we can find a cure to the plague. We will be sending more research we have found once we have finished our tests. We are all looking forward to your discoveries, Dr. Devorak.

From,

Dr. 193, Katja Kuznetsov

Julian read the letter over and over again. He wished it wasn’t true, it couldn’t be true. He had been at the palace for less than a week…

And he already lost the one thing that would make this task seem worth it.

Feeling defeated, he slumped over his desk, crumpling the letter in his hands. He felt the tears soaking into the sleeves around his forearms as his shoulders quivered from his emotions. He didn’t care if his sobs were audible or not. He didn’t care what Asra or Count Lucio or anyone thought of him.

His heart had broken completely. The love of his life was gone, because he couldn’t find the cure quickly enough. He had lost the woman who had given his life meaning. And there was no way to get her back.

Unless…

A candle flame went off in his mind. His lifted his head up to face the other man in the room, eyes and face red from his tears. “Asra.” He shouted desperately.

“Dr. De...Julian, are you okay?” Asra arrived to his side, placing a hand on the doctor’s shoulder.

“You are a magician, are you not?”

“Yes, I am.”

“I…” Julian hesitated, his voice trembling. “...I just lost someone very near and dear to me. Is there...a way to bring them back?” His vision was filled with sadness, but Asra could see a small glimmer of hope deep in the doctor’s grey eyes.

“Hmm,” Asra contemplated. “There is one way I know how. But it will take a lot of work on my end.” The magician’s hand trailed from Julian’s shoulder to his cheek bones. “What would be in it for me?”

“Oh, please! I’ll do anything you wish. Just please...save her.” Julian got down on his knees, folding his hands together and shaking them pleadingly. He was a man that wasn’t afraid to beg. Especially for the one thing he truly needed in this world.

Asra chuckled under his breath, his hand moving up to the auburn hair and pulling against it roughly, jerking the doctor’s head back. He got down on his knees, pressing a searing kiss right underneath his jawline. Julian squiremed, his face flushing. This felt so wrong, but as Asra’s teeth nipped his skin, he moaned rather loudly. It was definitely feeling so right.

The magician’s mouth drew away, curled in his signature smile. “Meet me at my shop after sunset. There are a few things we need to discuss first.”

Julian’s fingers ghosted over the mark Asra left on his skin. Did that just happen? He thought as he felt the magician’s fingers untangle from his hair. His mind was in a daze. Never before has anyone touched him in such a way. His eyes glazed over as he watched the magician stand to his feet and begin walking out the library. He shook his head, bringing him back to his senses.

“D-do you...want me to walk you home?”

Three years later…

“Wow. What a strange night.” Nijah mutters to herself as she looked out into the dark streets of Vesuvia.

First, her magical master Asra has suddenly left on a journey to another unknown world, one that he was keeping a secret from her. These trips were not unusual to her, but the fact that he was keeping it so secretive made her more suspicious than usual. She knew he was hiding something from her, but what could it be?

Then, the Countess has visited not long after he left, then requested that she move into the castle to assist with some sort of grand plan after she had read her tarot cards. She didn’t mind the countess too much, but knew that Asra would not be happy if she were to up and leave the shop for such a long time. Then again, she was the widow of the wicked Count Lucio, so she may have some evil scheme up her sleeve as well. She wasn’t sure if she could trust her.

What could happen next? She thought as she released the door, her attention turned back into the shop. It had been her home for so long. She didn’t remember how she got it, all she knew was that it was her and Asra’s home. It felt strange to her, though. She never thought she would own a magic store, let alone learn any magic from Asra. The past few years had really been an experience for her, and she felt like in a past life, she would have a calling doing something else.

Oh, dear, she thought. With all this trouble, I completely forgot to feed Gris. I must go bring her the cabbage I promised her. The thought of her manatee familiar all alone made her heart wrench. She started to make her way towards the kitchen to make her animal’s favorite snack.

Then, as the candle in her shop blew out, she froze.

The door had taken much longer for it to shut than normal.

“Strange hours for a shop to keep.”

What the…

She turns her head around, trying to see where the sound is coming from in the dark, only the light of the stars guiding her.

“...Behind you.”

Sure enough, when she turns, she sees a tall, dark figure looming against the door. He continues to speak, his voice muffled by his plague mask:

“Now, sources say that this is the witch’s lair...so who might you be?”

Nijah feels her heart racing in her chest as the masked figure comes closer and closer. What does this doctor want? She furrows her brows, concentrating on conjuring her magical powers. She twirls her fingers as she mutters a spell, a ball of water forming between her hands. She intended it to hit him right in the chest, a defense spell Asra had taught her a long time ago.

“Oh?” He laughs as he grabs her wrist with his gloves, the water between her fingers dissipating into thin air. He has her body trapped against the wall and his towering frame.

Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

What the hell is she supposed to do now?

“He’s been teaching you all his tricks? Unfortunately for you, I’ve seen them all befo-”

Reaching behind her, fingers grazing along the windowsill, she grabbed a glass bottle and smashed it on his forehead.

“Ack!”

Knocked loose by the blow, the stranger’s mask clatters to the floor. He’s bent over on the stones by her feet, trying to regain his composure. Nijah points the what’s left of the broken bottle in his direction, waiting for the moment she needed to strike again.

Nijah didn’t realize until it was too late that the bottle had been full, the water soaking his hair and the single globe amaranth lying on the floor around him. Bracing herself for the worse, she tightened her grip on the bottle as he slowly brought his head back up

Her racing heart stops cold when he lifts his bloodied gaze to hers, nearly dropping what’s left of the bottle.

“You do have guts.” He stated, his eyebrows furrowed.

She knew this man once. Everyone did. But she felt like she knew him a bit better than others might. She couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but she assumed she must have known him a long time ago, before her memories were lost. Maybe they were friends? Curly auburn hair, strong nose, pale skin, and those eyes…even though one of them was covered in an eyepatch, she still knew.

The band she felt on her ring finger felt much heavier than it normally did.

“Do...Doctor Jules?”

He gets to his feet once again, brushing the glass off of his coat.

“Haven’t heard that name in years...Nijah.”

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Previous Chapter

Masterlist

#fuck its finally done #elle writes #the arcana #julian devorak #ilya devorak #julian devorak fanfic #nijah horvat #angst #tw: pregnancy #tw: character death

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magique-et-chance · 3 years ago

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i like how the show showed us two identity reveal cases: if adrien finds out first and if marinette finds out first, and both of them trigger the end of the world in different ways. an identity reveal is not safe as long as gabriel is shadow moth, or as long as it’s possible for gabriel to find out adrien is chat noir.

so in both cases, we see how the relationship would progress if marinette or adrien found out first. in both cases, adrien isn’t careful enough to keep his chat noir life separate from his home life when it comes to marinette, & that exposes him both times. if gabriel wants to win he’d have to take away adrien’s miraculous in his civilian form and use the rings to control him. without the ring and in chat noir form, adrien is too much of a wild card, but the world still ends. basically, what goes wrong isn’t the identity reveal, it just always sets off this chain of events:

- adrien doesn’t keep his chat noir romantic life away from his house because he doesn’t know his father is shadow moth.

- gabriel will find out adrien is chat noir

- gabriel will always take control of adrien. adrien will be susceptible as long as

— his father has the ring

— his father takes him by surprise by knowing his identity before adrien knows his father’s

— the emotional trauma of finding out the truth about his father & mother overwhelms him.

- once adrien is under gabriel’s control, it’s game over UNLESS adrien doesn’t know marinette’s identity.

so identity reveal is dangerous because shadow moth will always discover adrien’s identity, and shadow moth has the upper hand of physical and emotional surprise as well as mind control over adrien, unfortunately. there’s no unluckier position to be in for a chat noir tbh, because there’s no one as easy for shadow moth to gain control over.

the only ways to overcome this are

A) ladybug and chat noir finding out gabriel’s identity first

B) chat noir finding out the truth about his father and mother first

C) gabriel losing control of adrien somehow

so those are the only things that will make an identity reveal safe. or maybe just some luck of hiding adrien’s identity from his father.

the most dangerous identity reveal in the show isn’t ladybug and chat noir to each other, it’s adrien’s to his father. the nuclear button. that’s what needs to become less dangerous first, by adrien breaking out of his father’s control or adrien finding out the truth first. ADRIEN’S EMPOWERMENT IS KEY TO DEFEATING SHADOW MOTH AND THE ONLY THING THAT WILL MAKE A REVEAL SAFE.

chat blanc & ephemeral are really good tragedies ugh

also i could get into how adrien’s unluckiness and marinette’s luckiness factor into being chat noir and ladybug

also chat noir is seriously overdue for empowerment, i need to see him blossom into his own hero, new powers & responsibility & confidence & independence :(

my precious boy adrien :( he needs to break out of his father’s hold, he needs to have confidence in his superhero self outside of ladybug, he also deserves some romantic validation like fr his little heart is getting bitter 😭

“she doesn’t hate you”

“she threw me in the trash today”

😭

0 notes

feliciamontagues · 5 years ago

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My Ranking of Every Hercule Flambeau Episode (S01-S08)

There are some spoilers for S7 and S8, but they are fairly vague and pretty much the sort of thing that you might see on the official press release. So not true spoilers as such. Also this is totally subjective and the result of my own personal biases. It’s also behind the cut because it’s looooonnng.

8. The Two Deaths of Hercule Flambeau (s06e10)--

So, this episode is *fine*. It’s hardly the worst episode of the show, but it’s easily the weakest of the Flamby eps, despite their being a few isolated moments I enjoy. (Hercule getting a long overdue bedroom scene for one :P)

My main gripe is with this episode is the uneven way Lisandra Flambeau is written. The script seems to flip-flop over whether we are supposed to find her sympathetic or not. On one hand, many scenes imply that she genuinely loves Hercule despite them having a shotgun marriage after only a few days of knowing each other. On the other hand, she does not hesitate for a minute before poisoning an innocent (Fr. B) for no other reason than to hurt Flamby, which makes her lose a lot of sympathy points.

And as a result, it seems to make Flambeau seem like more of arse than normal for betraying her, while somehow also absolving him of responsibility for doing so, because she turns around and does *THAT.*

And ngl, it does make me a little uncomfortable that while the character of Lisandra (as an Italian) is possibly not meant to be interpreted as a POC, the actress portraying her definitely is. (Sara Martins is of Afro-Portuguese descent). Which makes the uneven characterization (and underwritten-ness) seem even more glaring, especially when compared to that of the other (white) women in Flambeau’s life (his first love Rebecca and his daughter Marianne, arguably Lady Felicia as well). It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth even if in all likelihood, the part wasn’t written with Sara Martins in mind.

I think a much more interesting approach to Lisandra would be to have intending to betray Flambeau all along. Maybe she had her own agenda for seducing Flamby, meanwhile he thinks he’s the one using her for his plan. Maybe she does develop some feelings for him along the way, but it only makes her hesitate for a moment before going ahead with her original plan. That way, she keeps her agency and isn’t reduced to the “woman scorned” stereotype while also leaving the writers free to ship Flamby with others in the future without seemingly endorsing guilt-free adultery .

Other random note: I can’t take parts of this episode seriously because the “Crown of Lombardy” is very obviously Guinevere’s crown from BBC Merlin with no attempt to alter or disguise it.

7. The Daughter of Autolycus (s04e05)--

Not gonna lie, I am not really a fan of “character has long lost relative that we’ve never heard of until now” plots. And that goes double when said long-lost relative is a child or sibling. As such my low ranking of this episode is partly due to unconscious personal biases against that trope.

That being said, if we had to get a long-lost relative that we’ve never heard of until now plot, I’m so glad we got Marianne--even if it takes her another episode to really live up to her potential.

I have to knock off a few more points for Nero Hound as a villain. For one thing, he was played by Nancy Carroll’s real-life hubby, but they didn’t let let him interact with Lady F at all. Such a *waste.* Also Nero Hound is far too similar a name to Nero Wolfe, and I’ve definitely confused them on more than one occasion). He’s also rather generic in my opinion, even compared to some of Flambeau’s other “generic mobster” rivals/associates like the ones in S8.

However, there are some moments in this episode I genuinely like--particularly the theft “imagine spot” and Flambeau’s bishop disguise in general. Plus, the scenes where Flambeau and Marianne appear together are excellent, as are the hints that Marianne will become a redemptive trigger in Flambeau’s life.

6. The Judgement of Man (s03e10)--

Again, the low ranking of this one may be due to personal biases. In this case, I’m still low-key bitter--five years later-- at the BBC marketing department for baiting me with the idea of Flambeau actually interacting with the rest of the squad (esp romantic tiems with Lady F) and then giving me the absolute minimum of Felicia/Flambeau flirting and no Flambeau/Sid and Flambeau/Mrs. M interaction.

But there are other reasons why this is in my bottom 3 Flambeau episodes.

Honestly, I feel like an equally compelling episode about the Vatican’s complicity in Nazi art theft could’ve been made without having to insert Flambeau in it. I mean I suppose it does make sense to have the art thief character in the art episode, but still I feel like both Flambeau backstory and important historical lesson about Nazis, the Church, and Jewish art suffer from being crammed into the same episode.

That being said, Mrs. McCarthy’s duchess disguise in this episode cleared my skin, watered my crops, etc, which is why I’ve ranked it higher than the previous two.

5. The Folly of Jephthah (s08e05)

It loses a few points because I got very exited about the idea of Marianne becoming Bunty’s thief gf cool new friend, and yet in the episode itself, they only shared one scene and didn’t really interact much in it. That being said, I did like like that Bunty and Mrs. M had a bigger role in this episode than the squad usually gets in Flambeau episodes.

Overall, I feel this episode works a lot better than most of the other “backstory-heavy” Flambeau episodes, because we’ve already gotten the Marianne-related exposition out of the way and can focus more on allowing her character, Flambeau’s and their relationship with each other to develop.

I’m also a bit smug in that I predicted (or at least hoped for) this exact character arc for Marianne within a few weeks of “The Daughter of Autocylus” airing and that my hopes came to fruition so beautifully.

It doesn’t particularly impact the ranking too much, but I do feel like this episode deserves a special shout out, because it has established a (hopefully-continuing!) pattern of Father Brown calling Flamby almost exclusively by his first name, which is a major significant step in their bromance and deserves recognition as such.

4. The Blue Cross (s01e10)--

As someone who was first exposed to Father Brown through reading the stories for a college course, I always find it especially interesting to look at the episodes that were adapted from Chesterton.

This episode is neither the most faithful book-to-show adaptation (which is probably “The Three Tools of Death”) nor is it the best (imo “The Sign of the Broken Sword’) , but it is arguably the most significant. “The Blue Cross” was the first ever Fr. Brown story and is probably the most well-known. It’s also the first real look we get at the character of Flambeau, who (in the stories and arguably the show as well) is probably the closest thing we get to a clear character arc.

The show keeps some of the important elements of the short story: Flambeau’s clergyman disguise, the switching of the packages. But it also has the challenging task of upping the relatively low stakes of the story, as well as introducing a major recurring character that resembles his book counterpart but remains distinct enough to justify the fairly different direction show canon is taking him.

The show does this reasonably well--if not particularly imaginatively. I do enjoy some of the touches (I’ve written an entire meta before about Flamby’s reading material on the train and how it relates to his character)--particularly the show’s choice to have Flambeau fixated on religious art specifically (RIP for Flambeau’s Dairy Company though. It will always live in my heart).

Unfortunately in the adaptation, loses a few points for not really using the show-original characters particularly effectively. It loses still more for Flambeau’s characterization in this episode . He comes across as much more serious and menacing in this episode than in all the others. It works okay when we consider this as a standalone episode but provides some glaring Early Installment Weirdness when we compare it to other episodes.

3. The Penitent Man (s05e15)--

So as the rest of this list will testify, I have strong preference for the “fun” Flambeau episodes over the more series ones. This is the exception that proves the rule--the serious, cerebral, melancholy episode that simply “works” for me in the way that some of the others have not.

A lot of it is due to the more-intense-than-usual Flambeau character focus that goes into this. Sure, we’ve met his (presumably ex-by-now) wife, his daughter, and his first love by this point, but all of those episodes focused primarily on Flambeau as an extension of the relationships with others. (”The Judgement of Man” in particular is far more Rebecca’s story than Hercule’s.)

Whereas this episode is very definitively focused on Flambeau himself and allows more nuanced exploration of two of the most defining facets of Flambeau’s character: (1) his fascination with religion--and spiritual salvation in particular-- as something he seems to resist and crave in near equal measure (2) his almost masochistic streak of recklessness.

Even though Flambeau’s supposed “piety” is revealed to be all part of his heist plan, there are strong hints that his desire for redemption and atonement are at least somewhat genuine, even if he is not ready to pursue them just yet.

Off topic, but a few random things of note in this episode: this episode all-but-confirms bi!Flambeau, wet!Flambeau at the end is extremely relevant to my interests, Father Brown attempts to smuggle Flamby a lock pick from the beginning and has the audacity to say “ I only use it when I get locked out of the presbytery.”

Also, it has this iconic exchange:

Goodfellow: What is that awful smell?

Father Brown (covered in sewage): It’s me

2. The Honorable Thief (S07e10)-- So nearly all of the Flambeau-centered episodes from S3 on have been a little preoccupied with filling in some of the gaps in Flambeau’s backstory, which is *fine*, but honestly, I feel like in doing so, they’ve really lost sight of why we fell in love with the character in the first place.

He’s vibrant and clever and funny and over-the-top. But most importantly, Flambeau is a lot of fun. Therefore, it follows that episodes that feature him should be a lot of fun too.

And well... they are all fun in some way, but they aren’t as fun as they really could be. John Light is insanely charismatic, but charisma can only go so far when the episode in question is a downer.

Fortunately, this episode is the furthest thing from a downer imaginable. It’s absolutely delightful from start to finish. The plot is serious enough to keep things engaging, but also light enough to keep us from getting too distracted by angst.

I’m also incredibly biased in favor of this episode, because it finally gave me the Felicia/Flambeau ship tease I’d been passionately hoping for (if not really expecting to get after “The Judgement of Man” disappointed me). But it was so much and so good, and I wasn’t ready for it.

In a broader sense though, this episode really delivered with Flambeau/squad interaction in general--which was a key component that has been missing from most of the other episodes. And the Father Brown & Flambeau interactions were also has heartwarming and funny as they always are.

If I have one tiny little gripe with the episode, it’s that Daniel is not Sid. He has enough broad similarities with Sid that I can’t help but wonder if the episode was originally written with Sid and then hastily re-written when Alex Price couldn’t return. That being said, he was a likable enough guest character in his own right, and I wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

1. The Mysteries of the Rosary (S02e05)-- Perfection. Not only is this THE definitive Flambeau episode, but is also one of the best episodes of the show overall. It has everything: the birth of bearded Flamby, bromantic road trips, a treasure hunt, great guest turns from Anton Lesser and Sylvestra Le Touzel.

I think part of the reason this episode resonates so strongly with me is that it’s really the first proper sense that we get of Show!Flambeau as a character. Sure we officially met him in “The Blue Cross,” but considering he didn’t show up until halfway through the episode and was in disguise for most of it, we didn’t really get much of a sense of who he is.

This episode changes all that and sets Flambeau up as the character we will know and love for the rest of the series--charming, urbane, funny, passionate, a carefree carpe diem exterior masking (or overcompensating for?) a sense of uncertainty and conflictedness.

Somewhat off topic, but as great an episode as this is for Flambeau’s character, it is nearly as wonderful for both Sid and Father Brown’s characters. We get to see Sid’s ease with Father Brown, the casual camraderie that the two of them have--as well as Sid’s protectiveness (and jealousy) when Flambeau decides to gatecrash their bromantic road trip.

Honestly, there are so many things that are great about this episode that I don’t think I could possibly list them--but one little detail that really struck my the last time I watched was that the first proper glimpse we see of Flambeau in this episode (we see him in shadow in a flashback before) involves him saving Father Brown’s life. Whereas the last proper glimpse we see of Flambeau is after Father Brown has saved Flambeau’s life. Thematic reversals. Cinematic parallels. We love to see it.

#father brown #bbc father brown #hercule flambeau #the adhd hitting hard; this was in my drafts for well over a year #that's right another flamby episode aired and had to be added before i finally finished it #that being said i really enjoyed it #let me know if you want me to rank more things #like i don't think i could rank every episode; but perhaps every episode in a given season #or the seasons themselves #or the top 5 best or worst episodes--either in general or for a particular character #meta #misc #one of these days i'm gonna go full feral english major and write a giant character analysis on book flamby vs show flamby #and all the interesting adaptational implications and nuanced writing choice of #mon petit gallique merde

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