#UNDESERVING OF LIFE FOR THEIR BLINDNESS TO THE TRUTH I SWEAR THEY DESERVE ONLY THE WORST OF THE WORST AND IF I COULD DELETE ALL OF THEIR

[therealsirsticker]

I no longer believe in democracy.

[thepancakeboi]

Liar

Spoilers below for Persona 5, told from Goro Akechi’s POV directed at Ren/Joker, written based off the lyrics of “Liar” by The Arcadian Wild (the lyrics themselves are colored red). I had found it in a Spotify playlist for Akechi or Akeshu and it’s such a beautiful song that I had to write this-

“I sense there's trouble ahead.”

Isn’t trouble all in a day’s work? There’s more at stake here than you realize. It's clear by the signs and warnings but you seem almost oblivious.

You do not see the evidence that should tell where all blame is due. All of this, everything that has happened here, is all Masayoshi Shido’s fault. Don’t you see it?

So why are they pointing at my head?

You all have been led astray by me. Sure, your group kept me at arm’s length at first. I did blackmail you into letting me join the thieves in changing Sae’s heart. I would have been suspicious if I had been immediately accepted and liked. Yet you’ve accepted me, or at least the version of myself I present to society. You wouldn’t accept my true self.

We've all fallen short in some way. What an abnormal group we make. A quiet transfer student rumored to be a criminal because of his probation status. A troublemaker who acted in violence against a teacher. A “cat” who thinks he's not a cat but doesn't have the memories to know for certain. A foreign girl who was rumored to be in a “relationship” with that teacher. An artist who was exploited for his talent. A good-girl kind of pushover who simply did as the adults told her. A shut-in who was blamed for causing her mother’s “suicide”. An heiress forced into a relationship with a horrible man for her father’s political gain. A charismatic detective prince that is the bastard son of a good-for-nothing man.

Please understand I'm ashamed of who I am. Would you reject me if I told you my other secrets, the ones you know nothing of? I’m hiding more than you could ever know, and I beg of you, please find your grace when I say this.

'Cause I'm not in a right state of mind. Haven’t been for years. Then you came along. Ever since the day we met, I found you interesting. You were different from the rest. Maybe there’s more than just interest there, something more. I just wish I had strength to admit it. You seemed to at least take an interest in me, too. It perplexed me though how someone like you, “some criminal trash living in an attic” as I thought of you in my more bitter moments, could have the one thing I seemed to lack: friendship. The camaraderie that came so easily in your group of friends, different as you were, was something I sought for years with no success. Even now, my stubbornness will put up a fight, but I don't deserve to win it.

I'm left in the dark pondering my mistakes. I think back to the cases I’ve solved, all the psychotic breakdowns, and the mental shutdowns. You would not believe who the culprit is. I can’t tell you that I know. It would destroy my image.

I tell you this: you are the light to my internal darkness. But in the light I swear I will deny it all.

—————

I sense deception to come. Betrayal is coming soon, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. I’ve been lying to you this whole time. Honestly, truth and I are never one. I always say how I’m searching for the truth, and I guess it’s not entirely a lie. But the truth is that I’m the black mask you’ve been so concerned about. Not that I can tell you to your face 'cause I am the lying man.

And I have made you my next victim.

That’s right. You’re going to die, Joker. You have to if I’m ever going to get my revenge against Masayoshi Shido, my father. There isn’t a way around it. Trust me, I have tried to think of a way, any way, that I could avoid these events. I’m in too deep. This path I walk on cannot be strayed from. My revenge is so close!

...but I don’t want you to die.

You don’t seem to get it. I need you to see through my act, to tell me I'm wrong, to take off the mask that I use to hide my true intentions, my dark secrets. Black Mask and I are one and the same. How have you not pieced it together? Have I really overestimated your capabilities, Joker? You better figure it out soon, or else I'll be left in the lie.

I'll deceive my way straight to demise, but as long as I can bring ruin to Shido, that’s all that matters...right?

—————

November 20th.

I find myself here today, in front of the interrogation room...your interrogation room. The events over the last 24 hours replay in my mind. Yesterday was the day the Phantom Thieves were to infiltrate Sae’s palace and steal the treasure within. They’d done this time and time again without a hitch, but that day everything changed. You were betrayed, ambushed and taken into custody, and then today-

I need you to see through my plans right now, 'cause I'm not in a right state of mind. You’re too blinded by your damn feelings though to notice the hints I’ve been dropping. I was almost tempted to stop you mid-heist and tell you everything. I just wish I had strength to admit it. To confide everything in you and tell you how I feel. Would you listen? Would you still care about me, even with everything I’ve done and what I plan to do to you? Could I still earn your trust?

The doubt in my mind tells me no. My stubbornness will put up a fight, but I don't deserve to win it.

I don’t deserve your trust, for I’m going to kill that trust right at the source.

I'm left in the dark pondering my mistakes, but in the light I swear I will deny it all. The world will think you committed suicide, and they will be none the wiser to the events that transpire here. It’s clear by the look of hurt and betrayal on your face that, despite the drugs muddling your mind, you’re finally realizing that I am the host of this hostility. It’s too late for you, though. You should have seen through my act...

“Case closed... This is how your ‘justice’ ends.”

—————

I'm the master magician that makes you believe I'm real. And now here we are. All my scheming and plotting laid out before you. The fighting is done, and you have triumphed. I'm not fake, but in reality I'm a lying man. My life's become this grand game of deception. Now is no different. I have to keep you in the dark. I can’t tell you everything going on in my head, for it will only make this parting worse. These conflicting emotions roiling within were me too much to bear. That was why I had Loki use his Call of Chaos ability on me, to drive me psychotic...because I knew I would falter otherwise. In that state, my mind's ignored all my heart's good intentions.

We all feel this tension. We all have our own illusions. And now Shido’s cognition of me has become a threat to you. He’s holding me hostage and offering someone to take my place and die, but I refuse to let you go through with the wild schemes entering your head. This is my mess, not yours. Beneath the mask, I can see that look in your eyes: you want to save me. I can’t let you 'cause we're not in a right state of mind. He’s telling me to shoot you now. One final chance to fulfill Shido’s wishes, my life in exchange for yours. We all wish for the strength to admit it. Now I’ll admit it.

I love you, and I’m not about to let you die for me.

“Don’t misunderstand.” This cognitive version of myself cannot fathom what I am about to do. Our stubbornness will put up a fight, but we don't deserve to win it. I shoot my father’s cognition of me before shooting the button to close the bulkhead shut.

No we're not in a right state of mind.

We all wish for the strength to admit it. Let this be my admission. I love you, Joker, and I am going to die for you. I’m undeserving of your love in return. Our stubbornness will put up a fight, but we don't deserve to win it. You deserve better than me and I don’t deserve you. Trust me, it’s better this way.

The wall is between us. I can hear you and your band of thieves desperately seeking a way inside, to reach me before it’s too late. You’re screaming yourself hoarse and I can hear your tears through your voice. Odd. I had never considered you the type to get emotional over someone as broken as me. Not that I deserve your tears. Save them for someone who’s worth it.

My eyes are locked on my cognitive double, who survived my initial shot. He won’t survive the next, and neither will I. At that moment, all I feel is a sense of calm. I may not be able to get my revenge on my father anymore, but at least I can rest easy knowing that I’ll be saving the one person who will change his heart for me. We're left in the dark pondering our mistakes, but in the light I swear we will deny it all.

I’m sorry, Joker...no, Ren.

I love you.

I love you so much...

Could we...meet perhaps, in another life?

I won’t deny it all.

Not anymore.

I won’t be a...

The bullets fire.

...Liar.

[shoutoismybaby]

Enouement- Ch 4

ch3/masterlist/ch5

Be prepared for some more angst!

***

All of the memories you shared with Kaminari stormed through your mind. All the times he had kissed you. hugged you. The times he held you when you were crying.

Something that he wasn’t doing now. He was the one who caused you to be in this state in the first place, yet you didn’t blame him. The burn you were feeling all over your body could only be blamed on yourself.

If you had been more careful when you were with Bakugou you would have noticed someone watching the two of you. Or if you hadn’t been so clumsy you wouldn't have fallen in the first place. If you were smart enough you would have just sent him a text and not met up with Bakugou in the hallway.

Even better, if you weren’t a complete imbecile you would have gotten the abortion earlier so this never would have happened.

Or you would have at least known better to use protection from the beginning. You banked on good luck, but if today showed anything, it was that lady luck didn’t even know your name.

By now it was evident that the universe didn’t give a fuck about you. If the tears didn’t give it away, your inability to breathe without painful wheezing should have been signs enough.

You couldn't remember the last time you had cried so hard, knees pulled so close you your face you thought that your chest would be left bruised. But you didn't have time to think about that.

You needed to get up and think of a way to solve your problem. You were going to be a hero, after all, a hero needed to know how to solve problems. It shouldn’t be all that hard after all, you just needed to explain what had really happened with Bakugou.

Bakugou...

Of course! You just had to get Bakugou to tell him the truth. Bakugou wasn’t a liar after all, so Kaminari would believe him and you could get back together and forget this even happened. Everything would go back to normal and you wouldn’t have anything to worry about.

With a plan filling your heart with hope you were able to pull yourself up. You knew the lunch bell would ring soon so you made sure to wipe your eyes quickly before heading to their classroom, if you could catch Bakugou before he went into class then everything would be fine at the end of the day. He wouldn’t want to be even associated with cheating, so you had no doubt that he wouldn’t hesitate to clear everything up. Even if it was in a way that included yelling and letting everyone in on your business. Still, it would be worth it if you could get Kaminari back.

The trek to class 3-A felt shorter than it usually did despite time having passed since the bell rang, perhaps because you were on a mission to fix your relationship, but more realistically because you had started running. Ignoring those who voiced concern for you as you rushed past them. You didn’t have time to tell your worried classmates why you were crying, you just needed to get to Kaminari.

The door was open when you arrived leading you to peak your head in without hesitation. Something you immediately regretted as you were not at all prepared for what your senses were exposed to.

The air felt tense, just as a group of students who crowded around a desk in the middle of the room were. It was Kaminari’s desk. You could see his face through the bundle of bodies. It was red, puffy, and shiny with both tears and snot. It wasn’t a pretty sight, but even worse were the sobs that racked his trembling frame.

You had only thought that he was at his worst before he left you alone in the stairwell, it was now clear that he was holding himself together in front of you. Perhaps one last grasp at the pride he thought he was losing. Obviously, the sight of his dearest friends made his exterior shatter, and now he looked akin to a toddler. So small and frightened, you had always looked up to him and his strength. Even when he himself couldn't see just how great he was, you always knew. The sight of him so vulnerable made your bones ache.

“M-maybe I deserved it?” The whimper released from the deflated blonde barely made its way to you, but you out of anyone could understand Kaminaris incoherent murmurs after being with him for so long. It hurt to hear. You wanted to scream at him, shake him. He never did anything wrong, he had and will never be deserving of having his heart broken in such a fashion. Yet, that was what was happening to him. You just needed to tell him the truth, maybe to just help him heal because the more you thought about it the more truth his words held for you.

Maybe you were the one who was undeserving of him. Everything happened for a reason, maybe this was the universe's way of letting him move on to better things. The pregnancy should have been a big enough hint to you that you weren’t meant to be after all. You were just too stupid to listen, and now you saw the consequences of your ignorance.

The person that meant most to you was now broken.

You had broken the person who meant the most to you.

And you needed to fix it.

Leaning further into the room you searched for the tuft of spiky blond hair. The only person who could really help you to rectify this situation. Only, you couldn’t spot him. Class was going to start soon and the absence of your savior caused your heart to race. You needed him so that you could stop Kaminari from hurting, that was all that mattered. But your train of bad luck only seemed to continue as your movement caught the attention of a certain pair of golden eyes. Ones who at the sight of you only welled up with more tears as a gut-wrenching sob left his figure. Instinctively your hand reached out, but quickly retracted when the attention of the group surrounding the wounded boy was drawn to you.

Never before had the gaze of others' eyes burned you so deeply. The various faces of people you had grown to laugh with had morphed into pure hatred. A hatred that made you tremble. Your mouth opened, only for its dryness to become apparent to you as you quickly shut it.

You weren’t even sure what you could say now.

“I didn’t cheat on him and the only person who can assure you of that isn’t here yet, but I swear I'm telling the truth!”

God, you were so stupid to think that you could just get everything to work out by telling the truth. And who was to say they would believe Bakugou anyway?

Sure, Bakugou was probably one of the most honest people you knew. But didn’t you just ruin his entire reputation?

You didn’t have much more time to think about what to say before the resident dual quirk user departed from the crowd. His glare was the only one that made you shiver, and you wondered how someone who also worked with fire could ever be so cold.

He stopped once he reached the doorway, you back out into the hall as your fight or flight response kicked in. It was clear that you were no longer a cute girlfriend from a different class. You were the traitor, and Todoroki’s eyes made sure to sculpt that message into your soul.

You didn’t belong there anymore, and you were prey because of that.

His tone was so hardened when it came out that you almost did a double-take. Its lowness you had only heard about from Kaminari in his tales of the league coming into contact with his class. You understand why he used that tone with you now. To him, you were a villain.

“I don’t know how someone like you got into UA, but you don't belong here.” Tears were barely able to swell into your eyes before you jumped, the door being slammed in your face.

You felt naive in that moment. Believing that anything could go right for you. You didn’t deserve it too. Obviously, you were a terrible person and that was why this was all happening. Todoroki was right, you didn't deserve to be here.

You did the only thing you could think to do next, turn and run. Your head pounded with each thud your feet hit against the tile floor. You felt awful and most likely dehydrated. Leaving you to sob dryly with little to no tears left to cool the heat of your face. All you wanted to do was cry your eyes out, but it seemed like you couldn't even do that right anymore. You felt like a failure. What kind of hero made someone as broken-hearted as you had. It no longer even mattered whether or not you had meant to, or even done what he was convinced. The way his friends were looking at you was the way you deserved to be glared at. Like a villain.

You intended to run until you made it out of the building, but you didn't make it that far. Instead, you ran into what must have been a wall as it didn't move at your impact. You looked up and rubbed at your nose that now throbbed like your heart. Only to be surprised when you instead came face to face with someone you didn’t even notice had been missing from the class 3-A. Eijirou Kirishima.

Your heart filled with hope for only a moment, as wherever Kiri was, Bakugou was close by. But the joy didn’t last for long as you remembered that you had probably just ruined everything for him, instead of him being the secret weapon you could use to fix everything.

“(L/n), are you alright?” Kirishima's soft eyes seemed like the most hopeful thing you had seen all day, despite your life only being ruined within the last 10 minutes.

“Kiri… where Bkauogu?” You asked, only to receive a huff from your left.

“Are you blind to you shitty girl?” Somehow, you found his yelling calming. At least, for now, you had two people that would believe in you, even if that decreased to one once they made it to class.

“Bakugou, you have to tell them.” Your relief only seemed to cause your body to cry even more. The whirlwind of emotions just didn’t seem to be able to stop. You took a few steps back from the boys and attempted to regain your bearings as your sleeves wiped at your face uselessly. Your skin only stung now, from being viciously massaged so many times already.

“What are you talking about?” Bakugou seemed more agitated now, though you could tell it wasn't at you. He was concerned to see you in such a state no matter how much he would eventually deny it.

“K-Kaminari.. He thinks that I-” Your throat seemed to close up at the thought of saying such terrible words. Kirishima's phone sounded off as you struggled to swallow the lump that prevented you from getting out what you needed to say. You at least needed them to know, for your own sanity more than anything else. You desperately needed them to know the truth.

“(L/n), I just got a text from Sero.” Your heart felt as though it had switched places with your stomach. “Did.. Did you really cheat on Kaminari?”

“NO!” It was the first time you really felt like you were able to defend yourself since this whole situation started. Even if it was through one word you arguably yelled much too loud.

“You cheated on him?!” Bakugou immediately yelled, apparently ignoring your previous comment. You glared at the blonde, suddenly overcome by burning anger.

If it wasn't for him and his stupid tsundere personality you wouldn't be here right now. A normal person would have just accepted the hug, or at least pushed you away gently. But NO. He had to do everything aggressively. Pushing you away so hard that he fell with you. Maybe if he wasn't so fucking loud no one would have acknowledged the two of you in the stairwell in the first place!

And now he was going to have the balls to ask you? If you cheated on Kaminari???!!!

“I said no!” You countered, your breathing came out in huffs. Enough that you could feel the oxygen course through your body just like your anger. “He got sent pictures, totally out of context... of earlier this morning when we were in the stairwell! And now he won't talk to me and everyone in your class hates me and no one is listening…”

In that moment you felt like Kaminari did earlier. All of your anger faded into complete despair. Did it even matter if two people knew the truth? Did the truth even matter?

Obviously, you were just a terrible person anyway. What kind of person lies to everyone they know? Especially their boyfriend, or what used to be… He deserved to know, you should have made that decision together. But you were being selfish and

Villainous.

You didn’t even deserve to be at UA. You didn't deserve to even be TRYING to be a hero. You didn't have the right to even know anyone from UA. You were scum compared to them.

The tears you thought had dried up just came back, causing you to miss the widened scarlet eyes of the boys before you. Only, neither of them could get a word out before a certain teacher rounded the corner.

“Why is it every time you are left unattended chaos ensues?” He asked, looking at the student he had mentored for three years now. His eyes flicked to you, “(L/n), you need to head for class. The bell is about to ring.”

“I-I know but-” You tried to figure something out. You didn’t even know what you were “but” ing for.

“No buts Miss (L/n), it's important that you train for the finals. You don't have the time to slack off.” He motioned for the boys to head to class, and they seemed stiff as they passed you. Probably still in shock. More Bakugou that Kirishima, considering Kirishima must have just been confused about what was going on.

“Please tell him! He doesn't deserve to think what the pictures show, I can't handle him being so broken.” You muttered out.

“(L/n), class. I dont know whats going on right now but I will not let it get in the way of your education. So I will not say it again.” Aizawa spoke, he only moves on when you began heading the way you had been running just a few minutes ago, knowing full well the last place you would be going was class. You felt empty by now, all the emotions that had crowded your brain earlier now fading out. Leaving you with nothing but the words the blonde last said to you before you passed him.

“I’ll tell him, (l/n).”

***

Taglist: @irisallenm@carolinawindsay@spoiledgordita@multi-fandomslover@i-bitch-you-bitch@ravan-blood@ochabby​

[ala-mhinyan]

Home

{{ TW: Mentions of Abuse }}

You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that.

What do you see when you look at her? With the lies bright in her eyes and the whisper of poison on her tongue—Those full hips that carry an ass too fat for most to hold their tongue about. Lips that taunt and tease. Sun kissed skin. Nothing but a long shadow seeking but she is always too intense. Frightening in the way that she moves—how her heart thumps a song one can only hear when they get too close. Close enough to step in the trap, their screams of agony sundered by the song she sings. What do you see in her? Does she carry your salvation? Your happiness? Your redemption?

A home full of locked doors. 

Rooms tarnished and furniture rotting. 

Keys that dangle in front of everyone’s faces—open. 

Ready. 

Willing.

She never lets anyone see her when she falls apart at the seams; where no one can find her. So she can slip on the cowl of agony—wear her sadness like disappointment—and she drops to her knees. Flashes of those that fill her heart wrack her from all angles and all she can wonder is why? 

Why does she deny herself heaven?

Was heaven not a switchblade between her ribs held in the hand of the woman that used to hold her very soul in the palm of her hand? That still holds it now? Was heaven not the promise those pale lips gave her under the Limsan sun; swearing that her vulnerability would always be protected? The same lips that told her to die upon his very blade—that she was nothing but a blight on his truth. From the split in her stomach, he stole the love of her life… And now she is left with nothing but a gaping hole in her face.

Why does she consider herself undeserving?

Was she nothing but undeserving—for whom else would one vomit their heart into the very blood of those that look at her like she is the stardust in their universe, only to conjure the very black hole that rips her apart, slowly… With such careful, agonizing pulls that it cannot be anything else but purposeful? If she were deserving, would she so clearly remember the blinding light that filtered through the bunker in the desert of Ala Mhigo—on her back, filled with nothing but the pain of a man three times her age? If she were deserving, would she so clearly remember the churn of the river outside of Ul’dah? The bubbling and slosh of water against her bare legs, the sting of flesh and how she begged the one she loved to stop? If she were deserving, would she clearly remember the dark of alleyways in the city of riches? The clack of heel on cold stone, the sting of her leg pinched in an unnatural position? Would someone so deserving remember the details of the too-high ceiling and the creak of wooden crates—wondering why the men she loved never loved her?

Why is she afraid of love?

Was she not the very essence of broken promises, lies, deceit and the rotting swears of men and women that saw her as nothing but an insurmountable conquest? Was it wrong to look them both in their two-toned eyes and want nothing more than to disappear into the sand, promising no more of her tattered, terrified heart to mortals only destined to shatter it? Was it wrong to see his sharp gaze through pale skin and tufts of raven hair, wondering how someone so mysteriously beautiful found the rasp in his voice to tell her she was beautiful and think ‘Who taught him to lie with such a pretty mouth?’ Was it wrong to find herself seeking out the hulking behemoth that wandered the forested peaks and the sting of sand—his very soul the nature of freedom, wilderness and the sirensong of her will—hear his plea and laugh until there is nothing else to do but weep?

You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that.

Home is warm, the shards of her broken psyche holding her close and promising her redemption should she but rest. In this small space, with nothing but her memories and her heart—she falls to her knees and weeps. Her screams echo like broken glass and nails on chalkboard, the ire of a woman hurt over and over and over again blackening her heart until there is nothing left but misery, misery and misery. With every tear shed, every gasping sob ripped from her broken form… She finds redemption in the aches of lost loves that cast shadows over her until she’d forgotten her own name. It isn’t until she is lying on her back and looking at the ceiling that she remembers the warmth of her mother’s hand on a too-soft cheek and the wisdom she imparted.

My mother said, ‘Nothing real can be threatened.’

Her laugh echoes. No one can hear it. Her body is a flooding home. Her body is a burning bridge. Her body is a prison with open gates.

She finally understands.

To my daughters I will say, ‘When the men come? Set yourself on fire.’