#To make the topic easier for me to muse... at the time I just imagined it as someone I'm far more familiar with. An AI Buddha!

[kafkaoftherubble]

Hmm. Not a Christian, so my arguments against this aren't about sacrileges. But I also wanna muse aloud about this...

What I find problematic about this is that it substitutes a social interaction that is traditionally seen as relieving and helpful with a machine that is incapable of understanding what is being said to it. Whatever advice it can give out is based on algorithms and statistical probabilities. It listens to your sounds—but not your words—in order to find the correct response. The answers given are not meaningful because they are generated without Machine Jesus consciously understanding what you said.

What this looks to me is the degradation of the purpose of communication, be it to a human or their deity.

The idea that one can somehow replace a meaningful exchange between thinking, sapient beings with an unthinking, stats-dependent machine that was merely taught to speak in a superficially human way (or whoever they happen to roleplay) can only arise from a steady loss of quality communication throughout the years. People have to be acclimated to a lack of meaningful, human interactions for years to actually think "Meh, as long as there's an answer, it's a conversation and a job well done, right?"

Isn't this the same genius thought process behind robocalls and annoying ass robot customer service? I always spam 0 for operator because I'm so sick of it.

There are people who do think that such a replacement is comforting and consoling. I wonder if it further reveals how badly most of our day-to-day interactions and conversations (with anyone at all) have become, such that conversing with an unthinking machine is seen as equally good and fulfilling.

We already have too few meaningful, human conversations between people nowadays. Ain't surprising more people seem to feel lonelier and more isolated every day. This proposition right here helps nobody, methinks.

I think we should actually reclaim more avenues for conversations that are more human while turning other avenues into a bulwark of human social interactions. I think this is one place that should have been a bulwark.

Just as an aside: this also seems like an act of humans giving up on trying to understand either other people of their own congregation or the teachings themselves, such that they rather outsource it to a machine. Are we really so lacking in confidence in our own ability to think, connect, and understand?

News articles additional sources for this story: 1. The Strait Times (Singaporean) 2. VICE (American)

Hey, @flagellant, I think I need that rundown on the difference between blasphemy, sacrilege, and heresy again.

[ifangirlalot]

𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 & 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌

#💭 ۫⠀ZEE ZEN.⠀୨୧⠀· ˚ These are NOT WRITING POSTS. Posts labeled with this tag are blog updates, out-of-pocket stuff that I randomly thought of, shit posts, shit like that.

#💭 ۫⠀ZEE'S MASTERLIST.⠀୨୧⠀· ˚ This is my masterlist. It contains all my writing pieces. It updates every time I make a new post.

#💭 ۫⠀ZEE'S REQUEST FORM.⠀୨୧⠀· ˚ This is pretty self-explanatory. You MUST USE THE REQUEST FORM TO MAKE A REQUEST FOR A ONE-SHOT just to make it easier on me. I update the dialogue prompts occasionally.

#💭 ۫⠀IMAGINE.⠀୨୧⠀· ˚ One-shots I've written. These take the longest for me to write up and post, mostly because I'm very picky with my writing.

#💭 ۫⠀HEADCANON.⠀୨୧⠀· ˚ A short detailed post about a certain character/certain characters in a specific situation. With these, you don't have to use the request form to request these.

#💭 ۫⠀PREFERENCE.⠀୨୧⠀· ˚ Headcanons, but instead of just one or a handful of my muses, it's all of them. (ALL. OF. THEM.)

#💭 ۫⠀DRABBLE.⠀୨୧⠀· ˚ Mini one-shots. Usually these are just ideas I had that weren't quite big enough for full one-shots.

#⊹ . SMUT ۫ . Writings that involve smut (admittedly most of them).

#⊹ . FLUFF ۫ . Writings that aren't spicy and are just fluffy romance.

#⊹ . ANGST ۫ . Writings that handle potentially triggering topics/are very sad in nature.

#⊹ . JEALOUSY ۫ . Writings involving dialogue prompts from my jealousy list.

#⊹ . PROTECTIVE ۫ . Writings written using the protective dialogue prompts from my prompt list.

[rainbowsky]

twitter BJ_ByYourSide/status/1427940852433776640 I'm confused on why this clip isn't on everyone's favorite list. There so much here! DD not wanting to sound fake and wanting to keep stuff away from the media. Reminds me of when he seemed upset with dd for praising him until gg reassured him he was being sincere. And obviously this is crush behavior- "what did he say about mee", so cute! Do you know when this was filmed? I would imagine the earlier stages cause he seemed insecure

This is the link, to make it easier for readers.

Hi Anon,

I'm a bit confused about why you think this isn't a popular clip. This one is actually quite popular, and fans made a big deal about it when it was first released. It's maybe not as popular as the 9 minutes of bickering on a boat or the lewd moments or jealousy in 3 languages, but it's also not nearly as exciting as those clips.

To me in order for a clip to be exciting it has to be entertaining (and ones containing both of them are always the most entertaining) or it has to reveal something new about them (jealousy in 3 languages seemed to give clues about their sexual orientation, for example).

This clip, while cute and also somewhat hilarious, doesn't give anything all that new. We already knew that DD is into GG, we already knew that he's the sort of person to be invested in what GG thinks about him and in what GG says about him.

I also don't see this clip the same way a lot of fans see it. I don't see it as 'early days, guy has a crush on another guy' at all. It strikes me as fairly normal behavior that doesn't give us much timeline insight. I think anyone discussing an interview where they were a likely topic would want to know what the other person said about them, especially if they were romantically involved with them.

If anything, that clip makes me eye the Devil's Timeline even more. There are a few things that stick out.

DD is speaking pretty openly about how sweet, handsome, cute, etc. GG is. That's not something I see someone as reserved as DD saying about someone he doesn't know well, to people he doesn't know well.

When the producer says that GG said they 'have a good friendship', everyone in the room starts laughing. To me it comes across as, "That's the understatement of the year." Like the people there know that GG and DD are more than just friends.

When DD brings up the game, I think he's musing about things he could have mentioned in the interview but didn't - not that he's 'excited about having had some alone time with a guy he has a crush on', as so many turtles think. That's only reinforced by what someone said in the comments of that clip, that "I didn't want to say it" in reference to the game was actually mistranslated and would be better translated as "I forgot it", which is why the producer said, "Your reaction was slow."

Similarly, someone in the comments said that "Am I fake?" (in response to why he didn't say all these glowing things about GG in the interview) would have been better translated as, "I would have sounded fake." So some fan impressions come out of how the clip was translated.

Everyone's going to have their own interpretations/impressions of things. A lot of fans read DD as insecure here, trying to pump the producer for information about his 'crush'. That's not at all how I saw this clip.

To me, judging from DD's body language and demeanour, he comes across as relaxed and maybe a bit bored. I don't see any insecurity at all in his behavior or speech.

He's obviously quite comfortable in his surroundings and with the people around him. DD is a scrupulously polite, often very reserved guy. He simply wouldn't behave so casually around people he doesn't know well or have a good rapport with. Some of his behavior could come across as rude if he's interacting with a superior he doesn't know very well.

So this clip tells me that DD has developed a laid back relationship with the crew, which leads me to believe he's not the 'new', 'shy', 'insecure' person that fans read him to be.

I also get the impression - like I said before - that DD is already in a relationship with GG at this point.

It's hard to say when it was recorded, but likely well into filming. After all, those interviews were filmed as promo, and it's unlikely they'd start filming those things before the cast and crew had gotten well into the groove of the project.

Just my two cents. Like I said, a lot of people have a different view of this and that's their right. We'll likely never know for sure what this was really all about.

If people don't talk about clips like this much now, it's probably because the BTS is really old and people aren't talking about any of the BTS much these days. These BTS moments were all filmed nearly 6 years ago.

Edit: here's GG's interview, which is being discussed in that clip.

[diaphin93]

Your musings reminded me of my own thoughts about fe3h fandom in general and w.r.t. Edie, and it is such a weird beast… It makes for an uneasy neighborhood. On one hand, it's hard to find anything pro-Edelgard that doesn't have a token "her decisions are so stupid" comment. On the other, the analysis arms-race between subfandoms resulted in some of the most intricate and interesting media analyses I've ever seen haha, including literature and film

On one hand, you can find extreeeemely well done character studies exploring personhood, bodily autonomy, nature of authority — all incredible themes. Both popular and very niche. Some genuinely superbly written, and some more amature-ish but still sporting cool ideas. And somehow, this cohabits one ao3 tag with horrific humiliation-torture-porn of a too-radical woman. Brr, I steel sometimes think about it (and the existence of AG) and can barely avoid getting miserably triggered. I think that one time you spoke about historical treatment of transgressive ladies you hit the nail on the head.

[On a side note, 3Hopes is such a funny game. Heroic Edelgard w/ Claude in SB and GW enraged all the anti-Edelgard people, and AG is an atrocity to anyone who is pro-Edelgard and/or is remotely feminist. Imho, I could be wrong, of course, I'd love to be wrong, but that's the strong impression I got from my limited information]

I think I would've been more able to enjoy Dimitri and Claude, if none of their fans espoused deeply disturbing sexual assault jokes targeting a fictional abuse survivor… Ok fine I think I still wouldn't be fine with Dimitri and his whole "let's dismember that woman and make a spectacle out of it" spiel, but maybe it would be easier for me to not read it as misogyny if it wasn't weaponized by misogynists…

Sorry for the rant with some troubling topics! :( I figured you kinda enjoyed engaging with them, so I hope that's no bother

Hi. No worries, it doesn't bother me and I'm sorry that many aspects of the community have a triggering and uncomfortable effect to you. I'm always happy to reply here.

Personally I must say, on one hand the fact that Discourse is so heated and active even 5 years after the games release is on one hand testiment to the games success at deeply resonating with people and making the choice of horde and which side to fight the war on impactful and important.

On the other hand, it lead to a massive moral panic because alot of people simply can't handle a morally grey and nuanced female Antagonist/Protagonist or a game that lets you play opposing factions. I can't imagine how bad many people in the FE3H Fandom would have been in World of Warcraft back when everyone was obsessed with the Faction System. Not leaving myself out, especialy last year where I, admittedly, really went down the deep end due to personal reasons.

Though I will say, I also dislike the narrative of Edelgard just doing nothing wrong and being a flawless pure morally good character on our side of discourse. I get it, I went there too because Discourse got so heated and the sheer volume and intensityof the poison and outright misogyny many people on the Edelcrit side of things spill and I projected alot of it, unfairly, on Dimitri myself. Sometimes I still do, though I try to be more reasonable and remind myself of the fact, that similarily to Edelgard, Dimitri is for many people a comfort character whose narrative, trauma and personal development deeply resonates with them, and I really don't want to ruin that for the people who can at least respect and acknowledge the reasons why many people, especially queer women, feel drawn to Dimitri. I mean, I once convinced a person to be more open towards Edelgard but unevitably embittered them to Dimitri and thinking back on it, it kinda felt shitty. Sure, I want people to be more appreciative and less bashful towards Edelgard, but I think I don't really want them to in turn loss enjoyment of a character that before resonated strongly with them, because thats just not a nice thing to do.

Personally, I would actually love to play Azure Moon through the eyes of a Dimitri Fan, as it is clear, that for many people the writing, themes and emotions of this story were clearly very powerful, I just can't really enjoy the route that much and don't get emotionally invested into it, it is just not for me. And the discourse probably made it even worse over time, when originally, playing CF as my first route, I was hella excited to to play Dimitris route immediately afterwards, because he seemed like such a fascinating character and I've heard so much good about it. Maybe I should return to it nowadays and look at it with different expectations and a reopened mind.

I mean, I think really the most weird and problematic people are the church fans in my opinion. Not even for liking the church cast, outside of Gilbert, whoever likes him is yikes, but for this insistance of everything it doing being this bastion of moral righteousness and absolutely correct, when the games entire story is about how its not.

But yeah, probably less of an answer, but I saw it as a good opportunity to just talk about some things that are on my mind as of late.

[gumpistol]

Send ❤️ + a URL and I’ll write something nice about them/their blog!

   *clears throat*  WILDER I LOVE YOOOOOU!! 

    wilder is, as they would say, just as "hamster-brained" as me! and if we had giant hamster balls, i imagine we would run into each other and fall over. no real reason, it's just a funny thought in my head! for realsies though, they really do support the chaotic gremlin energy that i want to put out and i appreciate it so so much! they are so incredibly friendly and authentic and fucking hilarious even if they don't think so. it's not uncommon to find myself having long conversations with them about any topic, whether silly muse things, deep character analysis, or just life in general ( we have a few things in common teehee~ ). they are an open and understanding person who has successfully made me cry ( yes wilder, you did it, you achieved that heart event ), and they make it easier and comfortable to want to unmask and be myself. :) 

    that being said, wilder's doflamingo portrayal is *chef's kiss*. i never thought i'd ever really want to write with a doffy, because in all honesty his character scares me, but wilder writes him so well, and they recognize, analyze, and portray all of his mental health issues without trying to redeem him or make excuses for his behaviors as a character. any time they talk about him on the dash or in my DMs, i can't help but nod and say to myself 'yes, yes wilder, you get it!!' i fully trust them to write doflamingo's character in an interesting and appropriate way that gets me excited to write with them! even when their doffy is so incredibly accurate and unsettling and creepy. 

    but i can't not mention that they also write an amazing rosinante?! who makes me feel sunshine and warmth and all smiley when i read wilder's stuff for him — smiley like the smiley potatoes that rosi gave luffy for valentine's day~ i've been giving so much attention to doffy, but i definitely need to write more threads with their rosi as well!

    i know we BOTH get anxious about the fact that we can never shut the fuck up, but i really do appreciate wilder for talking with me a lot and humoring my ideas. they are so willing to listen to me ramble about my OC and to jump into interacting/plotting in some of my verses and ships, and it makes me that much more excited to write as a result! i love them very many and they deserve so much kindness and tenderness and love, as someone who so openly offers it themself.

    anyway, wilder and i are running away together and moving to seattle, and rabbit doesn't know this yet, but he's coming with us. <3

sent by: @enruiinas & @ferromagnetiic for: @mingos

[technodromes]

[⚙️] Character Info Sheet

name: Grum name meaning: Their name means wrench, if pronounced correctly. Imagine a very deep-voiced heavy metal singer singing 'gum'. It's about like that. Grum stems from a generation of Utrom that have been known as great engineers and machine scientists and all their names refer to tools. alias/es: Kraang 811986 (while being mind-controlled), Bubblegum (by Rick, they just roll with it at that point tbh) and pretty much whatever other nickname people give them at some point. They are different from many other Utrom in the way that they use no exosuit and rely on their flyer, so they have no exosuit/human alias. ethnicity: Utrom, or Xephalopod Utrom (a wide-spread subspecies of the Utrom that '87 Krang stems from, but no Utrom ever really talk about it) one two picture(s) you like best of your chara My art muse has been so fickle lately and I didn't really draw much of meaning aside from just editing icons for them. I definitely wanna draw my little grape more in the future tho. You know, whenever inspiration hits me.

three h/cs you've never told anyone:

1) Grum pronounces their own name wrong when introducing themself to a human (saying the 'r' in it out loud while actually you don't). It is widespread knowledge among Utrom that most humans can't pronounce Utrom names correctly, so they don't bother and usually use different names altogether (like the Council for example). Which seems rather pretentious despite the lack of hard feelings, but it has just stuck with them. 2) Like many other Utrom, Grum is gluten-intolerant. They are also allergic to strawberries. Other than that though, they can digest many things that Earth has to offer. They are not really picky either, but due to their strawberry allergy, they don't like fruits that are similar to it (like raspberries). 3) They always carry a towel in their tiny backpack to clean themself up after work or eating. It's not obsessive, but Grum cares a great deal about hygienics and makes sure to keep themself and their equipment clean. You know they are stressed when they overlook a speck on themself after finishing work.

three things your character likes doing in their free time:

1) You know Grum is going to fix or improve some devices in their supposed 'free time'. Just being idle and doing nothing is not really relaxing for them. Keeping their tentacles busy is what keeps them the happiest. 2) They study a lot when they're not actually working. They have a tablet/pad in their backpack where they can also connect to Earth's Internet. Not unlike Bishop, their research can result in wild assumptions, depending on the topic and results. It is easier to feed Grum with wrong knowledge though. They can be a little gullible at times. 3) Trying out new things. Like cooking or crafting. Just as mentioned above, they are the happiest when their tentacles stay busy with something.

eight a few people your character likes / loves: That's a tricky one. While I have Grum intertwined in the Canon as having been a part of Kraang's hive and therefore harboring hard feelings towards Krang and Subprime, I haven't spent awfully much time thinking about their relationship with the other characters to be quite honest. The Salamandrian scout K'Arakga was their first friend after being on their own, even though they parted ways again. They are also on good terms with Bishop, since the latter offered to help them reconcile with the Utrom numerous times. And, considering Grum is a good fellow who tries to redeem themself, they do get along with Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, Donatello, and April. Grum is likely to stay in contact with Donatello the most though. two things your character regrets: Even though Grum never really had any control over it in the first place, their biggest regret is having been a part of the Kraang Hive. There are also moments where they regret numerous decisions they made, like some of their awkward socializing attempts that resulted in uncomfortable situations... two phobias your character has: Ever since having their own identity mixed up with Kraangs, they experience a great fear of memory loss (Athazagoraphobia). The thought of potentially forgetting someone or something important causes them huge distress, even though it is very untypical for Utrom to forget something entirely. Their dislike for being touched borders to a mild fear of hugging (Haphephobia). While they don't necessarily feel pain, the sense of guilt they harbor causes them great emotional discomfort when they're touched. It is a phobia they can and certainly will overcome over time, tho.

Tagged: @dynamoprotocol (thank you <3) Tagging: @countlessrealities (SR), @tatorupawa (Donnie, canon/verse of your choice), @nightwatchr (canon/verse of your choice), @chaosmicjelly , @championofdarkland and whoever else wants to do this ^^

[lunaelotus]

Rules

this is an independent and semi selective rp blog for Dan Heng of Honkai Star Rail the Imbibitor Lunae. As loved and penned by Pandi. Heavily Headcanoned with continued created lore than what we are given. He has been given many verses for various things of interest so if you have a verse you want to explore, or a setting as long as I am familiar with it, I would be happy to explore rp with you.

I will happily write with any muse from Honkai Star Rail. Understand I am happy to write canon divergent and I have no issue with writing with a duplicate. More the merrier. I have taken certain liberties with the character than makes him canon divergent, in some areas. Keep in mind we all write differently, and I will use as much creativity with my muse as I desire, and I will continue to develop him as I go along.

…|(Part One )|… So these are my rules I try to be as to the point as I can. My name is Pandi. I have been writing Dan Hung since Star Rail came out, and I have a deep love and respect for the character. I try to write everything from a point of view as I imagine he would see it. I might not reach out right away as I am sure I have mentioned somewhere I am a bit shy but if I follow I do want to write with you. It is always easier for me to break ice by having a reply to an open, if you ♡ my starter request, or send in a meme. I will of course return the favor, I just might be a little slow in the start. However, I never ignore anyone who reaches out to me first!

…|(Part Two )|… If I do not immediately follow back it is not from a lack of interest it is likely because I haven't been on IRL can be so cruel sometimes or I am looking for rules, alias and basic character information. I am always happy to write verses, new and old. I will never write with a partner seeking to ship, in the verse I already have a ship in. I do not write cheating threads, and it is in fact triggering for me. SO please don't toss me in a verse that you want to write a ship with me in, if you have someone in that verse, that's the quickest way to get my muse to clam up. If my muse if feeling someone--I will ask after ship. I reserve the right to not just ship for the sake of shipping. I require chemistry. I will under no circumstances under the heavens ship with a Blade. So please do not ask.

Under no circumstances will I ship with someone under 18. I do not wish to break the law and get myself in trouble.

There will be some dark topics on this blog just because of the universes that the Astral Express visits, and also some of my other verse as well. I will try to tag triggering things, if I manage to some how post something that triggers you and I miss a tag. Contact me politely and tell me and I will fix it right away. If you are an ass to me about it, I will just block and move on. I have no interest in drama outside of roleplaying. I will not write homophobia, transphobia, pedophilia, racism or other topics of disgusting natures.

…|(Part Three )|… I am open to being Mains happily so. I enjoy having steady writing partners. I am even open to exclusives BUT you must also have me as an exclusive. I don't play the your mine but I Am not yours game. It is played out. Seriously, I am here to write stories and have a good time. I am looking for long term partners to develop stories with. I try to never duplicate a plot I am writing with someone else, because these are friends, and I hate to make a friend feel like their devotion to our plot and thread isn't important to me. It is very important to me. I want my partners to feel as special as they are. As a disclaimer I get attached to my writing partners and never want to be a source of stress for them.

If you send me hate--I will gleefully delete it get a great laugh out of it and carry on with my day. Trolls belong in the trashcan. Were all people behind the screen and we all have lives outside of rp. This is not a job or a paying gig. Remember to respect people as a whole. This is a hobby we all share.

…|(Part Four )|… I make my own graphics though my layout was created by a now gone master of coding. Her credit will always forever remain intact on my layout. I made my color psd. The art work is from the game (Honkai Star Rail). My actor face-claim for Dan Heng is Zheng FanXing because he reminds me of Heng. I make posts with small text, icons and colored text. You do not have to do the same. I will happily write with cartoon icons, anime icons, art icons, faces of actors and even no icons at all. Its not up to me how you run your blog! The only thing I ask is you tag lunaelotus so I can find our rp easier.

You are never required to touch my word count I tend to write long and descriptive I have tried to do less words but it just doesn't work. So please accept me as I am.

If I reblog a meme and you like it you can absolutely reblog it from me. If you want to continue a answered meme please do. I am always happy to continue anything written for me or I write for you. This is what rp is to me! You are allowed to send me multiple asks, you are allowed to scream to me about our muses, you are allowed to have bad days, and if you need to drop a thread please just let me know. I understand muses can be fickle sometimes.

I am sure I missed something, so if I need to update these rules I will.

[aristobun]

@cmdrcuriosity

Hey as long as they are living in your imagination and in your heart I honestly can’t see you disappointing them.  They know your struggle and though I can’t speak for them, obviously, but they are probably pretty happy to just exist!  Like I have ideas and such to write about but due to physical pain or exhaustion it’s hard to keep focused.  My muses understand this.

I’d say to try and give writing a bit of a break buuuut I also know how long you’ve struggled with this and that advice is kind of “meh” for me as well.  Perhaps other activities to help engage your imagination?  I’d also suggest rp but nothing long but I don’t know how up for that you are.  RP isn’t as it used to be it seems and finding the right partner can be tough.  I had thought about trying to get back into the community for it but just how people are these days, you’d be the only one that I could honestly really work with.

As far as my stories go ehhhh see the problem is, I think they’re silly and it’s why I can’t write them.  It was a thing that I grew up with, being told that “OTHER girls write THOSE stories whereas YOU are ABOVE such silly things.”  And so I was shamed by my cult, teachers, even peers, for things like this.

I try to remember that as much as I possibly can, but sometimes I think it just gets me down and makes me feel like I’m slacking somehow. I always want to tell the stories I have in my head of them, but most days the energy to do so just isn’t available at all, in whatever way that may be. Sometimes it’s just a lack of joy for it, while other times it’s, like you, physical pain and exhaustion because one of my hands isn’t so good these days and tends to ache pretty fast if I type too much, so I take more frequent breaks but they turn into days and weeks at a time and that makes me feel down and out, ‘cause I feel I’m not pushing myself hard enough.

Yea, I keep telling myself a break is needed and maybe when coming back to it afterward, I’ll find the same joy I used to have, but I think I’ve taken too long a break now, as you alluded to, ‘cause I have been dealing with that block for way too long. I think it’s mostly just the physical aspects of the struggle, more than the brainpower needed to get the writing done. It’s harder to type without 100% from both of my hands ‘cause I end up relying heavily on one more so and that in itself just makes me want to type as little as possible. I gotta figure out a solution somehow ‘cause I really miss writing stories so bad :/

RP is one I keep trying to encourage myself to creep back into and over the months I’ve made posts over there saying ‘ I’m back ‘ and basically vanishing again a day or two after those posts were made :’) so I’m not sure that one is something I can tackle either right now. I would love to, but I think the thing keeping me from rping on that account specifically these days is the people who want attention from my muses, not because I’ve had fallings out with them or anything, far from it, but because there’s just so many people who message me the second I’m online over there and it drains me and pushes me away from wanting to interact with them. It’s through no fault of theirs, though, I just don’t have that same energy to give for rp anymore, at least while I am still dealing with physical struggles that make me more tired much faster.

I think if I made a secret rp account to spend time on, aside from that one, and tell only a handful of people about it and make it completely private to only those people for interactions, I could find a lot of joy in writing my muses that way. My closest friends bring that ability out in me all the time so it may be an easier route to take. I may actually do that over the coming week and see how it goes for me :) see if anything improves creativity wise.

And that is not good at all! if you don’t mind my asking, if you’re okay discussing the stories, what are the topics you’re wanting to write about that you feel people will judge you for? I’ve kinda lost that aspect over time which is one good thing, but the struggle to write means I can’t even write what I wanna write, regardless of what others think :’) can’t win really. What are the stories you have in mind that you’re having a hard time getting down and sharing because of others?

idk why it’s taking me so many days to write two drabbles but it’s completely driving me insane 🙃

[notquiteaghost]

this is going to, eventually, be part of a longer thing, but the longer thing is being difficult & i'm damn proud of this scene, so. here is the set-up for Musings On How To Become A Superhero You Really Need To Have CPTSD

–––

When Dick is nine, his parents die.

His parents are killed, violently, while he watches, helplessly. And someone did that. Somewhere out there is a man, and that man killed Dick’s parents, and Dick wants to scream and scream and scream. And he’s nine, so mostly he does.

The social worker tries to talk Bruce out of keeping Dick, Dick out of staying. Has a lot to say about emotional support, and commitment, and the right fit. There are lots of people who would want to take Dick, apparently.

But none of them were there. None of them saw, and none of them gathered him in their arms and didn’t try to say anything, and none of them, when Dick could talk again and the first thing he said was, "They didn’t fall, someone killed them," none of them looked Dick in the eye and swore, "I will find whoever did this, and they will face justice."

Anyway, that’s why it takes Dick a good long while to realise that Bruce’s whole crusade thing is absolutely batshit.

When he’s a kid, and so angry all the time it feels like something in his chest has grown teeth and is trying to eat its way out, it makes sense. Of course Batman exists. Of course you can’t just sit at home and let other people get hurt. Of course you have to do everything, anything you can, because the worst possible thing happened to you and you wouldn’t wish the thing that lives in your chest now on anyone. Or, well, you would, and that’s why you wouldn’t. You want to destroy the man who did this to you, but you wouldn’t just be destroying him, because that’s how it works. You can’t know who else you would catch in the blast. You can’t let it be anyone.

When he’s thirteen, and there’s other kid heroes popping up, and the Justice League is starting to reckon with whether they’re okay with any kid being a hero at all, Clark talks to him. That’s how he realises.

They go to a diner. They always go to a diner, when Clark wants to talk. Clark feels safe being emotionally vulnerable in diners for reasons Dick can’t piece together yet.

"It was your idea," Clark asks, once the waitress has brought their food, "Wasn’t it? Being Robin?"

Dick’s not an idiot, he already knew what this would be about, but he’s a bit blind-sided by that being Clark’s opening. Is that not obvious?

"Well, yeah. B kept trying to lock me in my room."

Clark blinks. "He did?"

"Not all the time," Dick says, rolling his eyes, several years now out of patience for everyone immediately assuming the worst of Bruce. "Just when he went on patrol, ‘cause I kept following him."

"Right." Clark hesitates, then visibly decides not to ask any follow-up questions. On that topic, anyway. "But he changed his mind?"

Dick hums, non-committal. The first couple months of being Robin are pretty hazy, now. He’s starting to suspect something in his ability to form long-term memories has gone permanently wrong. "I wore him down, yeah. It’s not– I know it was a bad idea, okay. But it’s not like anyone else could copy me."

"Really," Clark says, one eyebrow raised. "No one your age looks up to you?"

Dick rolls his eyes again. It’s rude, but Clark is usually smarter than this. "Obviously kids look up to Robin, but kids look up to loads of people, and actually doing this as a kid is hard. A shit ton of adults have the means to be heroes, and there’s still only a dozen of you, and at least adults can drive."

"That’s why it’s hard? Because you can’t drive?"

Dick takes a long sip of his milkshake, to give himself a moment to imagine a world where not being able to drive is his biggest problem.

"It’s hard," he says, "because I want to believe people are good and kind and compassionate, and every night I go out and on purpose seek out proof I’m wrong. Because it’s not even that I’m wrong, it’s that it’s easier to be shitty. Caring hurts. It really, really hurts." He takes another sip of his milkshake. "But you know that. You know exactly what I mean."

Clark lets out a heavy breath, and doesn’t say anything.

Dick steals one of his fries. "The problem isn’t if I’m old enough," he continues. "No one’s old enough. Could Bruce have put me in therapy instead?" He shrugs. "Probably, but it only would’ve worked if he quit too. And then everyone we’ve saved since would be dead, or worse. And we’re already worse. I can’t imagine anyone being able to talk me into being okay with that, with letting other people go through that."

The look on Clark’s face isn’t one Dick’s really seen before. It’s not one he’s enjoying seeing now. "You realise everyone else’s problems shouldn’t be your responsibility?"

"Sure," Dick replies, easily, brightly. "What else have I got, then? If I’m not allowed to help? My parents are dead, and I’m not. I should just keep going anyway? Go to school, see my friends, watch TV and do my homework?" He steals another fry. "Because that’s what they’d want, right, for me to be happy, and pretending like them being dead doesn’t make me want to set things on fire will start to look like happiness if I just do it long enough. Maybe I’ll forget what it’s like to not want to die, and then that can be what happiness is."

Now Clark looks like Dick just sucker-punched him, if Dick happened to be holding a fistful of kryptonite. It’s a long moment, before he speaks. Dick drinks more of his milkshake.

"You’re thirteen," is what Clark manages. "You shouldn’t have to think like that."

Dick wonders what Clark was doing, at thirteen.

This is the root of the problem, really, with Clark and with Diana – sure, both of them have their scars, but none of those scars are older than their adult teeth. Figuratively speaking, anyway; Dick doesn’t know if either of them actually had two sets of teeth. Maybe Kryptonians just keep growing new teeth, like sharks. It’d be rude, probably, to ask.

Anyway, they’re not Bruce. They got a whole childhood.

And Dick doesn’t want to say that, because he can never say it to anyone, because it wakes the thing in his chest up. He just grins, instead, brittle and bitter, and steals another handful of fries.

"That’s the problem the League has," Clark continues. "We know exactly what has to happen to someone, to set them on this path, and we don’t want to admit it happens to children."

"Other children," Dick can’t help but correct. Clark flinches, just barely noticeable. "Was there a point to this, or did you just need me to confirm what you already knew?"

"You’re thirteen," Clark says again.

"Yeah. And the other night I got two girls away from their shitheel of a dad," Dick says, "And they’re four and six."

Clark changes the subject, after that.

[drabsyo]

Drabs, I know that you usually draw Fleur with slightly darker blonde hair than Narcissa. Was it a choice so that it’s easier to distinguish them from each other or was your Fleur maybe slightly influenced by the actress from the movie who had darker hair?

In the books Fleur didn’t seem to have much description other than having long silvery hair (waist length?) and having this glow around her. So like with Narcissa, what works have influenced your design of Fleur?

It’s fascinating sometimes to read the artist’s perspective and your previous reply to the anon about Narcissa has been very interesting.

Thank you!!! 🥺

I was actually pretty embarrassed over how enthusiastic I got over the whole hair thing, but I'm glad it made some sense at least 😂 And now that I've been given even more reason to talk about it... (Let's face it, I shouldn't even be allowed on this website to begin with, ya'll have been way too nice to me.)

Only click on keep reading if you want to read Some Nonsense.

I did consider Fleur's actress when I thought about her hair color. Though I pictured it to be something of a mix between movie Fleur and Elsa’s (from Frozen) hair. But the way I drew Fleur's hair, the way it falls across her shoulders, that was more of... well, I imagined Fleur to have effortlessly perfect hair, like she doesn't seem to need to style it so much because it's already whimsical as it is, what with her being part-Veela. There were a lot of fanfictions that helped me to sort of see a better image of Fleur in my head so really, I owe it to all the talented writers out there!

It's also the same with Narcissa's case. Though I decided to give her paler hair, compared to Fleur's, because I wanted to emphasize that air of vulnerability Narcissa has—this image she conjures, like she's this fragile thing made of glass, which typically in fanfiction is what Narcissa uses so that Voldemort would overlook her a lot, hence why she wasn't given any "missions" or "tasks" while Voldemort was in Malfoy Manor. Slytherin preservation. This "fragile" image was something Narcissa capitalized on and maintained perfectly, but in post-war Cissamione fanfictions, she no longer has to put on that façade—she starts living for herself, but the quiet sadness about her never really goes away.

I really did struggle at first, I had to find a way where I could draw them without confusing people and myself.

So, again, I sifted through a lot of canon and non canon material about these two characters which funnily enough made me see some kind of parallel going on between them. I know. Fleur Delacour and Narcissa Black. Parallels?! It's nuts. But again, this is only within Fleurmione and Cissamione fanfiction, and it really helped me to draw them better. (At least in a way that made them distinguishable from one other at first glance, I’d like to think.)

These 'hair scenes' are mostly the bits where Hermione "first" sees Fleur. Hermione is entranced, a little curious, sometimes she feels indifferent, but the general theme is Hermione immediately finds Fleur beautiful—which probably explains why Hermione in fanfiction sometimes thinks Narcissa could be part-Veela like Fleur. And as you can imagine, that's where my struggle began.

You'll see what I mean in a minute. And just like last time, remember that this part comes with spoilers.

��� In Fighting is our form of Flirting by InsomniacAndBi in Chapter 2 Hermione sees Fleur for the first time. This is the first Fleurmione fanfiction I've ever read, and also the first time I've encountered Fleur's character. Tall, bright blonde hair, won the genetic lottery, aristocratic features, face held in a scowl, floats into the room with effortless poise, immediately starts demanding things out of people... Sounds vaguely familiar, doesn't it. Like some other blonde we know.

"Non!" A voice from the doorway said. "This is not what was agreed."

For a moment, Hermione thought about ignoring it but turned to glance over there if only to quell her curiosity. A girl stepped into the room and Hermione's phone call was forgotten in a moment. She knew that it wasn't nice to stare but Hermione couldn't help but do it because, in all honesty, this was the prettiest girl she had ever seen. She was definitely taller than Hermione was, with bright blonde hair and...clearly she had won the genetic lottery.

Her skin practically glowed and it looked so smooth and soft. It made Hermione wonder if she used those fancy beautification charms or had a very lengthy skincare routine. Or maybe, just maybe, this is what being rich did to people's faces. There was no doubt in Hermione's mind that this girl was rich - like extremely rich, like even rich people thought she was rich. That kind of rich. That was the type of rich that this girl was.

Also, only super rich people curled up their lip like this girl was doing.

She breezed into the room like she was floating and Hermione hastily ended her phone call and promised to call back later.

"This is not what was agreed," The girl said again and Hermione felt incredibly small sitting in front of her. Not to mention, the girl's clothes screamed 'I'm rich and I know it' and Hermione's screamed 'I'm so out of place that I might as well be a bull in a China shop'.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hermione managed to get out when it became apparent that the girl was waiting for her response.

"You are English." The girl looked shock for a moment at Hermione's accent before shaking her head angrily. "This is not what was agreed."

🔹 In Oath of Silver by i_shall_wear_midnight immediately in the first chapter, when Witcher Hermione first meets Fleur, it's something Hermione quickly notices. Vivid sapphire eyes. Silvery blonde hair that shimmered in the torchlight. And once again, right off the bat, Fleur is pushy. She wants things done her way. It’s just so cute how she doesn’t even let the fact that Hermione is a Witcher, an extremely dangerous outcast in society, get in the way of that.

(I'm sorry for this but I just have to gush about Oath of Silver. Hermione as a witcher is just so fitting for her character; she possesses that natural eye for detail that remarkable witchers have, witchers like Geralt and Vesimir (a skill that gets even more honed through the Witcher Trials). Hermione even has Geralt's dry sense of humor, a bit rough around the edges, brilliant, snippy without really meaning to (because she asks a lot of questions and would rather get to the point), but has a good heart.)

The witcher figured that would be the end of her human interactions for the evening, but only a few minutes later, the stunning newcomer from before appeared before her. Upon closer inspection, Hermione couldn’t imagine she wouldn’t be conspicuous in any group of people she happened to find herself immersed in. The woman was looking back at her with vivid sapphire eyes, and silvery blonde hair that shimmered even in torchlight. Her attire was travel-ready, but elegant.

“Bonsoir. You are a witcher, oui? Or perhaps a ‘witcheress’ is more accurate? I am not familiar with all the terms…” She watched the beautiful stranger patiently while she fumbled through Hermione’s professional title. As if the distinctive, amber colored cat-eyes hadn’t given her away, the brunette mused wryly. Eventually, the blonde gave up and sat herself down at Hermione’s table, her medallion twitching faintly as the stranger got settled. Hermione filed that away for later. Her new dinner buddy seemed to be oblivious to the curious and concerned looks now being thrown her way at boldly taking a seat at a mutant’s table.

“I came from Ellander,” she began in a non sequitur. “The temple, and spoke to the priestess Nenneke, who told me about you.” Hermione continued eating her second serving of stew and waited for her to get to the point. “I would like to hire you as an escort as I travel back to Toussaint.” The witcher finally put her spoon down.

“Sounds like you ought to be asking some mercenaries to be your bodyguards,” she responded, eyeing the bow the woman was carrying on her pack meaningfully.

“A pair seems doable, and I’d prefer you.”

“I’m not a bodyguard.”

“Yes, technically, I am aware,” she replied, beginning to show signs of impatience.

“Then why are you soliciting a monster-slayer?”

🔹 Witnessed here in Time and Blood by whistle.the.silver is probably the most interesting one because it uses the concept of Veela hair as a wand core brilliantly. Again, this comes with huge ��spoilers🛑. Read the italicized words at your own risk. I can't add the entire clip here, as the topic of Fleur's hair is littered throughout several other chapters. But this story shows us a Fleur who is willing to do anything in order to protect Hermione during the course of the war.

My memory is a bit foggy, I haven't read this story in months, but here's what I remember:

This takes place during the time of Shell Cottage, where Fleur is married to Bill and takes care of Hermione. Fleur didn't expect to fall in love with the young brunette and, as the Golden Trio's time in Shell Cottage comes to an end, she worries over Hermione's safety. Fleur, using magic only known to the Veela tribes, does her best to offer Hermione protection in any way that she can--even going as far as to study what Lily Potter did so Harry could live. At one point, Fleur cuts her own hair with a length now roughly above her shoulders to give Hermione a new wand. But this isn't the only bridge Fleur is willing to cross to make sure Hermione survives the incoming battle. Fleur's grandmother, Ron, and even Bill himself, is a little sceptic over the propriety of Fleur's actions, but Fleur is determined to do whatever it takes to make sure Hermione makes it out of the war safe and alive.

So that was a lot to wade through, I know.

But if you've skipped all those parts for the sake of missing spoilers then let me go ahead and explain why the parallel between Fleur and Narcissa are there. Sure, it's plain to see that they have similar physical characteristics, but they're also similar in other ways.

In Witnessed here in Time and Blood, Fleur is willing to do whatever it takes to protect Hermione during the war: sacrifice the secrets of the Veela, make Hermione a wand, make her marriage and friendship with Bill suffer, be scrutinized by her Veela tribe, etc. And didn't Narcissa do the exact same thing during the war to make sure Draco made it out alive? They both chose to 'betray' everyone else for the sake of this one person. Not to mention, in Extinction by rubikanon Narcissa even makes Hermione a wand. (I’m telling you, there are so many parallels between these two ships and I can probably list more but I'd rather not make this post longer.)

Here, I’m just going to go ahead and say it—it’s almost like Fleur and Narcissa in fanfiction have the same love language.

A glaringly obvious difference between them is their upbringing, and we could argue that this why Fleur tends to be more open with her emotions while Narcissa tends to be more carefully guarded with hers. And I don't know if writers realize these parallels but as someone who's a huge fan of both characters and as someone who makes the occasional fanart of them, it's a pretty difficult detail to ignore. This crazy conspiracy all started because I had to find a way to make both characters look distinct from one another... It's just so interesting that writers from two different ships unknowingly make these parallels with two completely separate characters who are often at the opposite ends of the seesaw.

But again, let's take a look at Extinction by rubikanon. (I know. Extinction?! AGAIN?! Always.)

Spoiler warning!

🔹 Extinction by rubikanon has a marvelous take on this, as it turns out Fleur and Narcissa are actually good friends, and if I remember correctly, occasionally exchange letters (I’m unsure about this bit, I might have read it in a different story). They just get along remarkably well; I imagine they both share a kind of mutual respect for each other, a quiet understanding for the way the other woman carries herself: poised, meticulous, they pride themselves in their work, they both know how to handle an Ocean Of Secrets™, they're both accustomed to being under the spotlight of the public eye, and they’re both dedicated to their loved ones. Needless to say, Fleur and Narcissa are both giddy over the prospect of being with someone they love and adore, and end up meticulously planning numerous (I think it was hinted) double dates (Fleur with Bill, and Narcissa with Hermione) with the same kind of endearing enthusiasm that leave Hermione and Bill with no choice but to agree to the whims of their respective lovers.

(Scene seen in Chapter 23: Build Up Your Defense 2 of 2)

Narcissa and (Hermione) I were sitting together on one of the couches when Bill and Fleur arrived later. They showered Teddy with kisses on his little cheeks. He'd gotten past his clingy phase and adored us all, struggling to walk around the room by bracing himself on everyone's knees.

Suddenly Narcissa reached up and grabbed onto someone's wrist behind her head. "Don't even think about it," she said.

"That's just scary. How did you know I was there?" George stood up from behind the couch, a toy spider dangling from his hand. Teddy shrieked with laughter.

"She has eyes in the back of her head," Draco said.

"Mothers," George grumbled, sitting down close to Angelina. "Dump her, Hermione. I need you to date someone more prankable."

Fleur looked in surprise at the two of us on the couch. "Oh, la vache! How did I not know zees? You are lovers?"

"We're dating," I said mildly, though we really were lovers. In every sense. I glanced at Narcissa and bit my lip as heat spread through me. My imagination started planning a middle-of-the-night rendezvous.

"No wonder she (Narcissa) was so adamant about healing that curse," Bill said thoughtfully.

"Adorable! Simply adorable!" Fleur exclaimed, sitting down on Narcissa's other side. "We must go out for a double date next week, all four of us. We'll dine at L'Escargot!"

Narcissa's eyes lit up.

"Oh, no," I said.

"You won't have to eat snails," Narcissa said. "Please, mon amour?"

"French doesn't work on me."

"Please?" She kissed my cheek again and again. "Please? Please?"

Laughing now, I pulled her in for a kiss on the lips and said, "Yes, alright. But only because I have fond memories of trying new foods with you."

"As do I," she agreed.

Then we realized everyone was staring. Narcissa cleared her throat and straightened up, blushing. Draco made a face. Ginny looked a little more favorable. Harry held in laughter, and Andromeda hid her camera.

"Adorable!" Fleur declared again.

🔹 Also, I just have to add Sugar and Spice by waltzlikeits1698 because Chapter 4: Happy Birthday, Harry is absolutely hysterical. During Harry's birthday party, Hermione sulks in a corner because Fleur has apparently been avoiding her. Ginny decides to do something barking mad, something Hermione typically falls for.

“Ooh, someone’s grouchy,” Ginny teased, retracting her arm and facing Hermione fully. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” Hermione insisted, although even she could hear the pout in her voice.

“Sure seems like it,” she snarked, summoning two shots and offering one to Hermione with a waggle of her eyebrows. Hermione pulled a face and Ginny shrugged before downing both, one after the other. (...) “You know, I spotted a tall, blonde drink of water hanging around the stairs.”

“What!?” Hermione exclaimed, whirling around and leaning out of the room to look at the staircase. Sure enough, standing at the bottom and resting a slender hand on the bannister was a tall, blonde witch who made Hermione’s heart stop with her mere presence. She had started forward before she knew it, her heart taking up an even quicker beat as she crossed the few steps and reached out a hand to clasp her elbow. The woman turned, that beautiful blonde hair catching the candlelight as it moved in one long sheet.

Hermione retracted her hand in horror, her eyes widening. “Mrs Malfoy!?”

Narcissa Malfoy raised an eyebrow at the witch who had practically accosted her. “Miss Granger. Can I help?”

What was she even doing here?

“Uh,” Hermione said dumbly, “sorry, I just… need the loo. Can I-?”

She gestured lamely to the staircase. Both women stared at the perfectly reasonable gap that Hermione could easily pass through. The moment stretched on.

Slowly, Narcissa returned her inscrutable gaze to Hermione, who squirmed uncomfortably in response. She then took a small step to the side and gestured for Hermione to pass. She did so and, as she turned the corner of the staircase, sent a deadly glare at Ginny, who was practically pissing herself with laughter.

(...)

Fleur had arrived. Hermione couldn’t explain exactly how she could tell, considering she had been in the duplicated bathroom for the last ten minutes after humiliating herself in front of Narcissa, but she knew it like she knew that it was levi-O-sa.

(...) (Hermione) She tried to avoid eye contact with Narcissa on the way back down and was thoroughly unsuccessful: the witch had physically reached out and laid her own hand over Hermione’s on the bannister, forcing her to stop and look up. Then, with an intention behind her eyes that Hermione had neither the brain capacity nor the energy to delve into, she said “It’s Ms Black now.”

Then she had released Hermione’s hand and turned back to her conversation with Andromeda and two wizards Hermione didn’t recognise.

Come to think of it, there were a lot of people Hermione didn’t recognise.

Anyway, long story short, this is the result of reading both Fleurmione and Cissamione—

But RIGHT. At the end of the day, again, these are just some crazy little things I picked up on and I may or may not be right, no one has to agree with me, everyone can disagree with me. Actually, yes feel free to disagree with me. I need to get out of this damn site and you know, touch grass.

Okay. Well. I'm gonna stop here now. So. Bye. But thank you anon for this lovely ask!! I’m really touched that you wanted to know what inspired the way I drew Fleur 🥺💕💖 But still. So sorry for this massive word vomit!! 😂

[kuiperblog]

The first 1% is always the hardest

Usually, the hardest part of acquiring a new skill is starting it for the first time.

When you’re at an intermediate level of progression, you can usually just increase your skill level by incrementing up the difficulty linearly.  If you’re a novice weightlifter and your best overhead press is 125 lbs, try adding 5 lbs to the bar and see if you can overhead press 130 lbs. (If not, keep lifting 125 lbs every few days until that becomes “easy,” then challenge yourself with 130 lbs again.)  If you can do 10 push-ups, you will probably reach the point where you can do 11 push-ups, and 12 push-ups, and 15 push-ups, and 25 push-ups, and so on.  The hardest part of lifting is day 1, when you might be performing certain motions for the first time in your life, and challenging your body to work muscles that you didn’t even realize existed.

I imagine the same is true of other fitness regimens: once you’re able to run a 9 minute mile, you probably have what it takes to run a 8:30 mile, or a 8 minute mile, if you keep at it.  Eventually you’ll hit a plateau and the limits of human performance, but the first day in the gym is always the hardest.

This is sort of how the trajectory of my writing career went.  And having talked to artist friends, and musicians, it seems like all of them followed a similar trend: they found a thing, they stuck with it, and over time found themselves advancing along that path bit by bit.  It became a hobby or a routine such that over time, by  by investing a bit more time, or a bit more effort, or challenging themselves a tiny bit more, they got better at it.  And over years, the compounding returns of that meant that the girl who got a drawing tablet at age 14 found that by the time she was 22 years old, she had enough artistic skill to make enough money from her art to make a living.

I think that in a lot of cases, people were able to start down that path of gradual self-improvement in part because they were able to somehow bypass the hardest part of it -- they blazed right through the initial difficulty without even realizing it.  They couldn’t even really answer the question of “When did you start drawing,” because they’ve always been drawing since the days that they were just doodling with pencil in paper at school. Maybe they just really enjoyed playing outdoors as a kid, and played soccer because it was fun, and made the seamless transition to being a high school athlete. In my case, I spent a lot of time writing long-winded forum posts explaining the finer points of topics I was passionate about (which, at age 13, was mostly Pokemon and Final Fantasy), and somehow by my 20′s I had enough of a penchant for explaining things that I was able to parley that into a writing career (so I can get paid for my long-winded explanations of Pokemon-related topics).

The early days of learning to write kind of sucked and were difficult.  (For starters, remember how unintuitive that QWERTY keyboard was the first time that you learned to type? Remember how painful it was to hunt-and-peck your way through sentences at an effective rate of <10 words per minute?)  But my desire to talk about Pokemon on message boards overwhelmed any difficulty or “suckiness” involved with learning to express my ideas through text, and so the suckiness of those early days wasn’t really much of an obstacle.

More and more, I’ve come to believe that the most important part of learning a new skill is finding a way to get over that initial difficulty hump -- of finding a way to survive the first day, and then the first week, and then the first month, and eventually reach a point where inertia carries you forward on a gradual upward slope of self-improvement where you’re not even consciously thinking too hard about improvement; you just randomly muse to yourself one day, “Oh yeah, this barbell I’m picking up weighs about 100 lbs more than the barbell I was lifting a year ago. Fancy that.” The longer you keep at it, the easier it is to stick with it.

In many corners of the internet, there’s an oft-repeated adage that “Watching anime won’t teach you to speak or understand Japanese.”  And sure, that’s obviously true on some level. If someone is thinking they’re going to spend a thousand hours watching subtitled anime, and then one day flip off the subtitles and be able to follow everything without missing a beat, they’re probably a bit delusional. If you want to actually achieve anything approaching Japanese fluency, you’re probably going to have to take a Japanese learning course, and engaged in spaced repetition to pick up and retain vocabulary, and all of the other stuff that goes into learning any language.

But I think that watching anime does provide you with one big advantage: it goes a long way toward helping you cross that “day 1″ hump. Because the first day is always the hardest. Going from 0 to 1 is harder than increasing your vocabulary by a few new words every week.  Before you can get the compounding returns from incrementally improving at a skill, you have to have a starting principle.  And I think that watching anime is actually quite good for that, because only knowing “weeaboo Japanese” will give you 20-30% of the vocabulary that’s included in your first couple Japanese lessons.

I’m speaking from personal experience: it’s incredibly heartening to go through a lesson and encounter words that I’m already familiar with.  Even if my fluency in “weeaboo Japanese” only covers 10% of what’s introduced in a given lesson, having a head start gives me an intangible confidence boost which makes it easier for me to focus on and retain the other 90%.

I don’t want to understate the importance of that intangible confidence boost: a lot of language acquisition is getting comfortable with a language, and repeating something so much that you do it without even thinking about it. For example, in English, sometimes sometimes someone might ask you “how’s it going?” and you might answer “fine” before your brain has even consciously registered the meaning of what you were hearing, or saying. And I’m enough of a weeb that I can hear i tenki desu ne and immediately reflexively respond with sou desu ne, before my brain has even consciously registered the question being asked (sometimes taking several seconds to mentally backtrack and realize, “Oh right, the “i tenki” part means “nice weather.”).  But years and years of listening and pattern recognition have taught me that when someone ends a sentence in desu ne? with the sort of inflection that says “I’m asking you a rhetorical question,” the proper response is probably sou desu ne, and my brain produces that response just as reflexively as it spits out “I’m doing fine, how about you?” any time someone asks “How’s it going?”)

One thing I’ve come to notice is that every lesson begins with some of some amount of review, giving you that spaced repetition, and providing context for the new words and concepts that the lesson is about to introduce, and generally provide a foundation for the new material.  Day 1 is, by necessity, the exception -- how can you “review” material that you’ve never covered before?  But for me, the day 1 lessons on how to say nihongo and arigato and watashi and anata were already “review” of topics that I picked up through years of being a weeb.

Besides that, there’s the fact that the structural elements of Japanese are something that my brain was naturally able to grok in a way that is intuitive to me after spending years listening to spoken Japanese even though most of it is contextual. (Like, I’m not sure when this happened, but at a certain point I think my brain just kind of learned, when listening to Japanese sentences, to approximate which parts were the verb and where certain clauses landed in the sentence, if only because when watching anime with subtitles you become consciously aware of when a character’s name appears in the dialog.) I’m not really consciously thinking about it, which kind of feels like the “natural” way to learn a language.  (After all, it’s not as if native English speakers, as toddlers, consciously think to themselves, “Ah, it seems as though English typically follows a subject-verb-object grammar structure.” Kids just listen to adults speaking English and form sentences that way without really having to be formally taught.)

It’s highly likely that at some point in my internet career that I have at one point been the cynical message board poster telling someone that, contrary to their fantasies, watching anime isn’t going to help them learn Japanese in any real or material way, and if I’ve ever suggested that, it’s time for me to eat crow.  Because while the advantage that “weeaboo-level Japanese” gives you might be small, and only help you on the first few days of Japanese class, those are the most important days, because the first 1% is always the hardest.

My familiarity with “weeaboo-level Japanese” has only given me one disadvantage, and that is that years of memes have poisoned my brain to the point where the first I was prompted with “say ‘excuse me’ in Japanese,” my brain (and mouth) immediately spat out “sorrymasen,” and I wish I could say it only happened once, but it wasn’t until around day 3 that I managed to fully train this habit out of myself.

[cudan2]

One Last Surgery

Spring Break Shadowing Part 5.1

Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Word Count: 2,043

Summary: You finally find out the reason for going to the children’s hospital, but you’re more distracted than usual today and Dr. Cullen can tell. 

A/N: Tell me why part 5 of SBS takes up over half of the whole series? I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for 5 months because I keep adding more to it smh. Now it’s too long so I’ve decided to split it up into 3 parts (in addition to parts 6 and 7). I’m making the final edits the rest of this part now - 5.2 should be posted in like two days.

Anyways, this is technically the beginning of  #1 and #2 on my headcanon list.

Masterlist

XXX

Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital is only across the street from Doctor Cullen’s office, but it seems to take forever to get there. You trail the doctor like a lost puppy through a skyway and a series of corridors before eventually reaching the right building. Different is definitely an understatement.

Gone are the linoleum-tiled floors, the abstract paintings lining the hallways, and the stark white walls. Instead, there are bright colors everywhere you look. Artwork featuring various galaxies and planets scatter throughout the hospital, and giant stars are imprinted along the floors; even the whole atmosphere just feels different.

You don’t get much time to analyze the differences though. Doctor Cullen is wasting no time to reach the destination, and his long legs aren’t making it any easier to keep up.

“Not that I don’t like surprises, but any chance you can tell me what we’re doing in the children’s hospital now?”

“Impatient, are we?” Doctor Cullen chuckles. He stops at an elevator and pushes the up button, only giving into your question once he catches a glimpse of your pout. “Alright, you win. Are you familiar with a cleft palate or cleft lip?”

The elevator dings, the doors sliding open with it. You shake your head no and get on the elevator with him. He presses the button for the floor and then leans against the wall, arms outstretched on the handrail, and gives you an explanation. 

“A cleft is a gap or split occurring in the roof of the mouth, upper lip, or both. It is due to improper joining of the tissue during fetal development. There are no definitive known causes as of right now, but it’s believed that the environment and genetics can play a role.

The hospital has its own craniofacial team, but I was asked to join this particular case given its more complicated nature. Hanna became one of the first patients I treated when I came to Columbia,” Doctor Cullen finishes fondly, a smile gracing his lips.

“What makes this case complicated?” you ask.

“Hanna was born with a bilateral complete cleft lip and palate, meaning her lip cleft is two-sided and continues into her nose. It took quite a few surgeries to repair the lip, but now the next step is to repair the palate.”

The elevator reaches the floor and dings. You follow Doctor Cullen out and continue prodding him with more questions, which he is more than eager to answer. It’s incredible how knowledgeable he is. Granted, it is his job to know these things, but you couldn’t begin to imagine yourself being able to even scratch the surface of these topics, not to mention give a mini lecture on it.

You’re soon standing at the door to a patient room while the doctor asks Hanna’s parents if you can observe. They readily agree, and Doctor Cullen motions for you to come in.

Inside the room, you see an infant that can’t be more than a year old – Hanna.  She’s sitting upright on the bed, leaning against who you assume to be her father. You notice two fading scars going up into her nose above her lip. Her mother is waving a stuffed toy around her, but Hanna’s attention is fixated on the blonde doctor.

“Y/N, allow me to introduce you to Hanna’s parents, Anthony and Linh Pham. And this is Doctor Giselle Adamou, who will be working with me on the surgery,” Doctor Cullen gestures to the older doctor in the room.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” you say politely.

Pre-op goes differently than what you’ve gotten used to observing this week. There is no case presenting given the lack of residents on the case. If anything, this is what you would expect out of a non-teaching hospital.

Doctor Cullen re-explains the procedures to Hanna’s parents, but halfway through, Hanna crawls to the end of the bed where Doctor Cullen is and attempts to stand, arms outstretched as if to say, “Up! Up!” Bewilderment is not a word you would have associated with him, and yet you catch the brief widening of his eyes that betray his usually calm demeanor.

“I think she wants you to hold her,” Linh comments.

“I can see,” Doctor Cullen muses. “Do you mind?”

“She’s all yours.” Linh picks her daughter up from the bed and hands her to the doctor. The sound of Hanna’s elated laughter fills the room, and you can’t stop a small smile from appearing on your own face. A cute baby and a gorgeous doctor? You don’t know who to thank for the sight.

Meanwhile, Hanna starts playing with various pens in Doctor Cullen’s breast pocket while Doctor Adamou continues where her colleague left off. You try to pay attention, you really do. Like Hanna though, your attention lies on someone else, and that someone else happens to be Doctor Cullen.

The more you study him, the more the minute features you never noticed about him before seem to pop out to you. Under the bright fluorescent lighting of the hospital, the dark purple circles under his eyes are more apparent than ever. How ironic for the preacher of health to lack sleep himself. His eyes, which you normally consider to be a vivid golden, are darker than you initially thought them to be. They are liquid pools of dark amber, speckled with dustings of gold and flecks of black. There isn’t a single blemish on his face that you can see either, further confirming your belief that this man is truly the most attractive person you have ever met. Either that or he must have one hell of a skincare routine.

It’s unnerving how young his appearance is. Skincare and diet can only do so much for a person, right? Doctor Cullen has to be at least 35 at the minimum, yet he could easily pass off as someone from your own school.

“Any last minute questions?” you hear Doctor Adamou ask and snap back into reality. By missing nearly everything the older doctor talked about, you already know you’ll be so screwed if and when Doctor Cullen decides to interrogate you on this case.

Neither parent has anything left to say, so Doctor Cullen gives a reluctant Hanna back to her mother. She lets out a cry and his expression softens.

“I know, sweetheart. I’ll miss you too, but I need to get ready for your big surgery, okay? I promise you’ll see me again in a few hours.” His soothing voice does wonders for her. In an instant, Hanna quiets down and her frown is replaced with giggles and smiles again. She waves the two of you off, and you both take your leave with Doctor Adamou trailing behind you. You’re not even halfway out the door yet when Doctor Cullen starts testing your knowledge again.

“Y/N, what procedure will we be doing to repair Hanna’s cleft?” 

You do not have this one in the bag whatsoever. You wrack your brain for information that could help you, but Doctor Adamou interjects before you get a chance to say anything.

“Why does it not surprise me that you’re treating students like interns already, Carlisle?”

“I am merely advancing the education of next generation’s doctors,” he responds.

“Whatever you say,” she laughs. “Don’t scare off Y/N though, or we won’t have any doctors left in the next generation.” She turns to you after picking up files from a nearby counter and says, “You come running to me if he pushes you too hard, alright?”

You grin. “For sure.”

“Good. I look forward to seeing you both in the OR,” she says before heading off.

You like Doctor Adamou. Each surgeon you’ve met here so far has had such different personalities, yet each also has the charisma and confidence to take control of a room and command respect. You, on the other hand, could barely get your own friends to listen to your own words. How are you ever going to get on the level of all the amazing doctors around you?

“She saved you there,” Doctor Cullen comments, leafing through Hanna’s charts as he walks you into an empty elevator to the operating floor. Oops, it’s just your luck that he noticed your lack of attention during the pre-op. “It’s unlike you to be distracted. Penny for your thoughts?”

The elevator doors shut, and he looks up from the chart, his eyes falling onto yours. He has that twinkle in his eyes again – the one that brings warmth to your cheeks and could make anyone weak in their knees. You know it’s silly, but a single look from him could make you spill any of your deepest and darkest secrets, yet a part of you also knows that he would keep it. You’re not naïve – you know it’s dangerous to put so much faith into a man you only met this week – but there’s something about him that told your instincts to trust him from the very beginning.

Call it intuition, or maybe it’s just plain stupidity, but you sure as hell aren’t going to tell him about how you got distracted because of his pretty face.

You hesitate for a moment and let out a sigh. “How do you do it?” He quirks a brow, momentarily perplexed, and you attempt to find the right words. “How do you make all of this look so easy? How do you know what the right thing to say is? Or trust that what you’re doing is even right? How did you know if this was all meant for you? This is really dumb, but it seems like everyone here was born for this job, and then there’s... me.”

There’s a slight sense of dread starting to form in your stomach. You’re unsure if what you asked even made any sort of sense and wonder if you gave too much away. Giving any reason to second guess your abilities is like digging your own grave when it comes to this career. Expressing uncertainty is one of the biggest taboos of the cutthroat world that is pre-med because schools would not accept students that aren’t absolutely, totally, and completely sure about this path.

You’ve wanted this for so long, yet there’s still a part of you that doubts if you would be enough.

Rather than going straight to gowning and scrubbing in for the surgery, Doctor Cullen grabs your hand and leads you down to an abandoned hallway, only letting go once the two of you are hidden in an alcove away from any prying ears or eyes.

“What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for surgery?”

“We have a few minutes to spare. Y/N, please know that I understand how you feel,” he says softly. “There was a time when I questioned my own abilities as well… whether my perseverance could overcome adversity. It took quite some time to reach where I am today.  However, without enduring those trials and tribulations, I would not be here. With time comes experience, and it is that experience that allows me to perform my job the best I can.”

His voice reminds you of a gentle breeze, rustling the leaves of a tree on a cool summer night when he continues speaking in hushed tones. It brings a blanket of reassurance, a sense that things would eventually be alright.

“I have said this before, but I see enormous potential in you. You still have a great deal of time to grow and develop your skills. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself with others, especially given today’s societal standards, but I believe you are much more capable than you may think you are. Everyone’s journey is different and yours may not necessarily be as linear as you would prefer. In due time though, I have faith that you will succeed.”

What he says is exactly what you needed to hear.

The swell of tears pricks at your eyes and start blurring your vision, but you blink them away quickly, fighting the urge to wrap your arms around the doctor. 

“Thank you, Doctor Cullen.” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

“You’re very welcome. Now, I believe there’s a little girl waiting on us.” 

XXX

Tag List - Message me to be added or removed to either this series or the rest of my fics!

@jelly-fishy-babie @notahappytree @anxiousgoldengirl

[chibinekochan]

My Demon family

You get adopted by Lucifer and Diavolo

Just some domestic fluff. 

In this au the reader is a toddler that brings loads of love and chaos into their lives.

And yes they are married in this Au, congrats boys.

2.9k words

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  A very typical appointment leads Lucifer to take Diavolo's place visiting a human orphanage. 

Lucifer isn't even sure how or why Diavolo is involved here but he is here regardless. 

Counting the minutes until it's over.

  Bored he looks at the children playing, they are clearly scared of him. Nothing new. Somehow small beings like these tend to be scared of him. Probably his demon aura. 

Then his eyes meet yours. You somehow wandered towards him, book in hand and pull on his pant leg. With huge bright eyes you look at him. Lucifer crooks his head, wondering what you possibly want from him. 

You pout, since he didn't get what you wanted at all. "Mister read to me." You plead with him. Being kinda bored by the other adults not paying any attention to you.

Lucifer raises his eyebrows. He hesitates for a moment. How long has it been since any of his brothers asked him to read to them?

  He looks at you, waiting for you to run away from him. Not a single blink. You just keep looking at him, pointing at the book. "Please mister?!" Putting a tiny bit more urgency into your request. Feeling slightly encouraged since he didn't shoo you away. 

Lucifer can feel his resolve melting due to your pleading eyes. You are very good at this, he has to give you that. 

After another moment locked into a staring contest Lucifer lost. 

He probably never truly had a chance. "Fine, but only for a bit." Lucifer gives in.

  You give him the biggest and brightest smile he has ever seen. Even brighter than Diavolos. 

He finds himself smiling back at you. With this success you cheerfully lead Lucifer to the reading corner. You sit down and look at Lucifer. Clearly expecting him to sit down. 

So he does. "Let's see what we have here. The ugly duckling? Can't say I have read it before." Lucifer opens the book. 

"It's not my favorite. I like the cat and the boot better but someone else got it." You sigh disappointed. "Sounds like something Satan would like." Lucifer chuckles lightly. 

"Is that your child?" You feel curious. 

"He is my brother." Lucifer smiles lightly. 

"That's cool, I have no siblings and my parents are in heaven. Do you believe in heaven?" 

Lucifer is a bit taken aback. "Yes, I know it exists for a fact." He gives you a gentle smile. 

"That's awesome. Do you have other family?" You feel like you want to know even more. 

"I have 6 brothers and one sister, she is also in heaven and I'm married." Lucifer feels a bit of kinship with your loss. 

"Wow, so many siblings. Your parents were quite busy. Do you think my parents and your sister play in heaven together?" 

Lucifer is surprised by your bluntness but it's also very endearing. “I'm sure they do.”

You seem satisfied with that.“You are the oldest right?” 

Lucifer laughs at that. "How did you guess that?" 

You shrug. "You just have big brother energy."

"I see. Shall I read this now for you?" Lucifer finds himself smiling at you. 

"Yeah." You nod and Lucifer starts to read the story.

He isn't sure if it's too sad for you but you seem to be too enthralled by the pictures to care much.

  Then someone comes over and apparently the visit is over.

Not much time has passed but Lucifer finds himself reluctant to leave. You also have an equally sad look on your face, just making this so much harder. “Will you come again?" You seem anxious. 

Lucifer guesses that you must worry, you have certainly lost so much and he doesn't want to give you false hopes. Once he opens his mouth something unexpected escapes him: "Yes." This surprises him much more than you, since all he can see is a bright smile on your face. 

"Awesome. Then we can play on the swings and make a castle and we could draw something." You already made plans it seems. 

Lucifer can't help but smile at this much excitement. Only one other person in his life would be so excited over making plans with Lucifer. That being Diavolo. He probably should bring him along next time I meet you. "I might bring someone special along to meet you too." Lucifer can't promise this part, knowing how busy Diavolo is. 

Your eyes are filled to the brim with hopeful excitement. "That would be cool. I might introduce you to my cool friends too then." You clearly can't contain your excitement at all. 

Lucifer feels a strange desire to trussle your hair, but he holds himself back. "Sure, I look forward to that and if you need anything just tell the person in charge you want to talk to Lucifer." He feels compelled to offer you this much at least. 

You crook your head. "Sure, but did one of the older kids really get into trouble for calling upon Lucifer?" 

Lucifer raises his eyebrow, saying he had forgotten about these kinds of humans. "I see, well in that case just tell me when I come back."

  He leaves the orphanage very reluctant. Especially after he sees you waving at him. 

This is what having your heart broken must feel like. It's strange that a small human could manage such a thing in a single day. 

Lucifer returns home, to the demon castle. 

Many different thoughts cross his mind but Lucifer already knows what to do next. 

In the evening Lucifer and Diavolo have their usual dinner together.

  "There is something that I would like to discuss with you." Lucifer doesn't take long to get to the topic. 

"Sure, tell me what is on your mind." Diavolo has noticed that there is something on Lucifer's mind. 

"I know we haven't talked about this yet but how would you feel about adopting a child?" 

Diavolo is very surprised. "I didn't think that you would be interested in a child. Did the visit to the orphanage inspire this desire?" Diavolo is smiling, he always figured that Lucifer is already too busy to even consider a child. 

'I wasn't, or at least I thought I wasn't until earlier." Lucifer smiles gently. "You see there was this small child and I don't know how but they touched my heart." 

Diavolo chuckles. "Sounds like a remarkable child to me. Being able to touch your heart in a single day. It took me centuries to get to that point."

"I was just playing hard to get." Lucifer shoots Diavolo a flirty look. 

Diavolo laughs. "So you are seriously wanting to adopt a child after seeing them once? And here I thought I'm the spontaneous one in our marriage." 

"I thought so too but I guess you rubbed off on me and before making a final decision I want you to meet them. I mean I want to adopt them with you." Lucifer shrugs and then smiles gently at Diavolo. 

"I like this new spontaneous side of you, Lucifer. I will go along. Every person that manages to capture your heart is worth meeting at least once in my opinion." Diavolo smiles widely at Lucifer. 

"Thank you, Diavolo and I realize that I'm quite unreasonable." Lucifer just can't help himself. 

"Well, if it had been me I would have just brought them home with me. So you are quite reasonable in my opinion." Diavolo let's out a heartfelt laughter. 

"I sure hope you don't bring another puppy home." Lucifer shakes his head. 

"I have learned my lesson." Diavolo waves Lucifer off. "Now when should we go to the orphanage?" Diavolo checks his schedule. 

"Oh, and I definitely want to hear the whole story. I might be able to learn something from them." Diavolo is already fully on board with this. No matter how much this will turn his life upside down, seeing Lucifer this smitten is more than enough for Diavolo to do this.

  Lucifer agrees and gives a quite lively retelling of his earlier encounter. Every word raises Diavolos' excitement. 

Soon the day arrives. Diavolo barely contains his excitement and Lucifer seems to be rather nervous. 

"It's kinda like a first date isn't it?" Diavolo muses. 

"Not really, but I understand the sentiment." Lucifer smiles lightly. 

"Do you think that they will like me?" Diavolo seems a bit uncertain. 

"I can't imagine that they wouldn't like you. You are way easier to love than I am." Lucifer pats Diavolo on his shoulder. 

"That's very sweet of you to say. Shall we head inside?" Diavolo takes a small breath. 

Lucifer nods. 

   They both head inside, into a room where you are already waiting for them. As soon as you see them you run to them. With a small push toy in toe. "You really came!" You smile wide at Lucifer. 

"I tend to keep my word." Lucifer smiles gently at you. 

"Is that your special person?" With curious eyes you look at Diavolo. 

Who instantly crouches down, trying not to spook you with his size. 

"Yes, this is Diavolo my husband." Lucifer introduces him with a gentle smile. 

"Hello, you are pretty, a good choice Lucifer. If I had known I would have made you a flower crown or something. Unless that's not your style." You seem to approve. 

Diavolo chuckles and Lucifer flushes a little. "I like flower crowns and who is your friend here." Diavolo looks at your little toy. 

"This is my best friend Tom. He is a bit shy but once you know him he won't shut up." You hold your plush toy up. 

"Ah, nice to meet you." Diavolo shakes its little paw. 

"Reminds me of Levi." Lucifer gives a small laugh. You look at Lucifer with a curious look.

"That's one of my brothers." He explains.

That seems to be enough for now.

  "So what kind of games do you guys like to play?" You look at the shelves of games on the wall. 

"You can decide today." Diavolo offers and that seems to be just the right choice since your face lights up. 

"Then we should go outside. We can only go to the playground but we can make a sandcastle." You seem only slightly disappointed by your lack of opinions. 

"Sounds perfect to me." Diavolo nods to that idea. 

"Oh, but your clothes are gonna get dirty right? Does that bother you?" You just thought about that possibly. 

"Don't worry about it. I have cast a dirt repeal spell on both of our clothes." Lucifer had seen something like this coming. 

"Wow, that's super useful. I need something like that too. I always get scolded for getting dirty." You pout slightly. 

"No worries, I can cast it on you too." It's pretty easy for Lucifer. He easily casts the spell to your amazement. 

"Sweet, do you have a spell that makes peppers taste good too?" You look at yourself, feeling pretty pleased. 

"Sorry, even my powers have limitations." Lucifer chuckles. 

"Too bad." You sigh slightly disappointed. 

"Yeah, if that were the case I'd be eating pickles by now." Diavolo nods to himself. 

"You don't like pickles? You should really eat them or you won't become big and strong." You parrot the one thing that they keep telling you. 

"I think I'm big enough already but I get what you mean." Diavolo sighs, slightly defeated. 

"So, are we going to play on the playground now or what?" You grow slightly inpatient. 

"Of course, lead the way." Lucifer smiles and you proudly show them the way, it's right behind the building. 

You show them the sandbox and grab a few things to build with. 

You then make sure that everyone has a plastic sand toy. 

"How big do you like your castle?" You start by doing the foundation of your future sandcastle. 

"As big as my own castle, what about you Lucifer?" Diavolo can already picture it in front of his eyes. 

"I doubt we have enough sand or space for that. I think this size is pretty good." Lucifer doesn't even know the first thing about sandcastles but he knows it will be impossible to build one as big as a real castle. 

"You live in a real castle? Like some sort of prince or something?" The mention of a real castle is very exciting to you. 

"Actually I'm a prince." Diavolo grins a bit bashfully. 

"No joke? That's so awesome! Wait, does that make you a prince too, then Lucifer?" Your excitement knows no bounds. 

"No, but I guess you could say I'm a royal consort of sorts." Lucifer wasn't interested in the title at all. 

"Royal conort? Sounds like cake or something." You crook your head. 

"Hahaha it kind of does. I should ask Barbatos to invent a dessert with that name." Diavolo can't contain his laughter. 

"Royal consort is just what you call someone who is married to royalty but it does sound silly." Lucifer had never even thought about it. 

"Let's go on the swings now." You had enough building for now.

"Alright. What shall we do with the castle?" Lucifer looks at the pile of sand.

"There is only one thing that can be done." You get up and jump with full force into the pile, destroying the whole thing. 

"Aww too bad, I wanted to finish it." Diavolo looks a bit solemn. 

You get up, shake the sand off and then give him a little pat. "We can build an even better castle next time." 

"You are right. We should make it double as big." Diavolo instantly lights up. 

"I wonder which of you is the real child here." Lucifer shakes his head but smiles gently at you and Diavolo. 

You're almost already on the swings before you come running back. "Come on, don't be slowpokes. The swings are very popular." You nervously look at the currently empty swings. 

"Coming." Both men speak in unison and then chuckle at each other. You clearly have them both already wrapped around your little fingers. 

Pleased you sit on the swing. "Diavolo can you give me a push?" 

"Of course." Diavolo gives you a gentle push, unsure of how much strength he should use.

  Lucifer has a slightly sour expression. 

"You can use the other swing if you want." You aren't sure why Lucifer seems to be upset. 

"No, don't mind me." Lucifer hadn't even noticed the frown on his face. 

"Yeah, don't worry about him. I think he is just upset that you asked me to give you a push." Diavolo laughs. 

Lucifer rolls his eyes but he also can't deny it. 

"I'm sorry Lucifer. You can do it next time, or maybe I can give you a push." 

Lucifer flushes slightly. "Sure, why not." 

You swing some more, while laughing the entire time.

  The time passes before you even notice it. Soon your time together will end. Each of you seems to feel equally sad. 

"Seems like our time is going to end soon." Lucifer has no choice but to point out the obvious. 

You nod, with a troubled expression. It's heartbreaking. 

"Will you come back?" You are a bit scared to ask. You can't even look at them. 

Both men look at each other then they smile. "Of course we will come back." Lucifer says what both are thinking. 

You look at them, eyes sparkle. "Does that mean that you both like me? Because I think you are both pretty cool. I mean Tom is still the best but you are pretty close." You sheepishly squeeze your toy.

"Of course we like you." Diavolo smiles. 

Lucifer seems slightly troubled by the fact that he was beaten by a toy. 

"So, how about I give you a ride home and then we come and play again soon?" Diavolo obviously wants to make this as easy as possible for you and himself. 

"Yeah, I always wanted to ride a horse but  a prince comes pretty close." You agree with a nod. 

Lucifer seems a bit unsure about the connection but snickers regardless. 

Diavolo lifts you on his shoulders and carries you back to the orphanage, while walking as slowly as possible. 

The goodbye is still kind of hard but it's helped by the fact that you will meet again. 

"So we are going to do this right?" Diavolo is the first to speak on the way home.

"Yes, we are but I want to clarify that this isn't just something that will be just fun and games. The Devildom is a dangerous place for children. Human children are extremely fragile so we will have to be very prepared." Lucifer knows this will be anything but easy. 

"So we should make the whole castle human safe and child safe. Lucky enough we have more than enough rooms. I will ask Barbatos to get us some childcare books from the human realm. I'm quite excited just thinking about this." Diavolo seems very giddy. 

"I agree with that. I should get my brothers some books too. They need to be educated. We should take some classes about child care." Lucifer already forms a detailed plan in his head. 

Both keep talking about the adoption, being very excited about the whole thing.

~ So yeah this is it for now. I wanted to write more and maybe I will. I have a cliffnotes version I might post that soon. Anyhow I hope you enjoyed this so far.

[mochegato]

Pixie Spy

Chapter 5

Chapter 1    Chapter 4

Marinette laid on Nino’s living room floor studying the stolen Grimoire files on her tablet.  She had been staring at the same page for the last two hours, making little progress.  Just because she could translate the ancient text, it didn’t mean it was easy or quick.  In fact, it was headache inducing and with Adrien focusing on keeping them caught up on homework while she and Chloe were otherwise occupied, she was translating alone.  She knew there were amazing secrets held in the texts, the drawings promised amazing new powers for each of the miraculous, she just needed to decode them.  

She scrunched her eyes closed and rubbed them to clear her vision that had started crossing.  Now, she decided, was a perfect time to take a break.  She looked around the room for a distraction. Adrien was near her on the floor, leaning against the couch and working on the physics assignment they had received that day, having already finished the calculus assignment.  Alya, having already passed her research onto Chloe, was on the couch working on the French Lit homework. Nino was sprawled out on the couch with his feet propped up on Alya’s lap, not working on anything, staring off into space with a furrowed brow instead.  

Everyone was working quietly except for Chloe who was making her discontent with her surroundings abundantly clear through her frequent huffs and exaggerated movements.  She was sitting in a chair making notes in a notebook referencing her laptop occasionally.  She huffed and wiggled uncomfortably in the chair, “Tell me again why we have to do this here?” Chloe demanded, not bothering to mask her disgust with the middle class surroundings.

“We can’t meet in the hotel because we can’t take the chance the Waynes would see Marinette walking in the lobby or the hallway. We can’t meet at Adrien’s place because Asshole Dad.  We can’t meet at Marinette’s in case they’ve made her already.  That leaves my place or here and my place has the twins who are currently both grounded and bored so… that leaves here.” Alya explained calmly, not bothering to look up from her homework.

“Yeah, yeah, but couldn’t we have met at like a nice café or pub?” Chloe whined, rubbing her arms as though contact with the chair fabric were scratching her.

“And take the texts outside?” Adrien asked with a raised brow motioning toward Marinette.

“Plus until we know how much they know, it is probably best I’m not seen out more than absolutely necessary, hence the…” she indicated the oversized hoodie she had stolen from Kim some time ago she had been wearing all day, mostly with her hood up, completely enveloping her head.

“I thought that was so you could hide from Laurence…” Alya said with a sly grin.

“Or Noelle,” Adrien threw in.

“Or Ignace…” Chloe added, keeping her focus on her laptop.

“Okay stop.  Really, Chloe?  Wouldn’t you much rather talk about the throngs of people throwing themselves at you?” Marinette attempted to divert her to one of her favorite topics, herself.

“Oh sweetie, we don’t have that kind of time.” Chloe said throwing her ponytail over her shoulder.  “We’re just talking about the ten or twenty we know about willing to let you tie them up and beat them like a piñata then thank you for the privilege.”

“That sounds like a regular Saturday night for you, Chlo,” Alya grinned.

“I…I don’t know how to react to that.” Marinette scrunched her face in confusion.  “My first inclination is to say she’s exaggerating, but it’s Chloe and if anything she would underplay it.  Plus I am extremely not happy with that little insight into Chloe’s bedroom, so… I’m going to ignore this entire conversation.” Marinette said turning back to her tablet.

Adrien looked up from his notes for a few moments staring in thought at nothing, “Valid,” he nodded, turning back to his work as well.

Nino had stayed silent throughout the conversation staring instead unfocused at a spot on the floor for the past few minutes. Adrien glanced back at him with curiosity.  “Hey,” he smacked his hand into Nino’s leg, “you okay there?  You completely missed us teasing Marinette about her fans. That’s one of your favorite topics.”

“Ahhh, Laurence… yeah, that dude makes me nervous. Michel is cute though.  I could see that.” Marinette gave an affronted squawk. Nino continued without acknowledging her, “No, I was just thinking… we know Batman’s secret identity.”

“Yeah,” Adrien said uncertainly.

“And he doesn’t know ours.” Nino continued.

“Right,” Adrien encouraged still not sure where the conversation was going.

“And we have you and Chloe, both pretty famous and could easily end up at a party or event with at least one of them…” Nino mused thinking out loud.

“True.”

“So… how much can we mess with him about it without getting killed?” Nino asked raising his brow with a playful glint in his eyes.

“Dude!” Adrien exclaimed excitedly, his eyes lighting up at the thought.

“You want us to prank the Dark Knight?” Alya looked at him like he was crazy.

“Really?” Marinette deadpanned.

“Yeah, you’re right.  It is potentially fraught with danger.  We might need to bring Alix and Max in on this.” Nino nodded still thinking about how he could manage it.

Alya dropped her head into her hands, “Idiot.” She muttered shaking her head in her hands, not entirely sure if he was joking or not.  Honestly, either option was possible.

“Well, that makes you two perfect for each other,” Chloe deadpanned still focused on writing something down in her notebook missing the withering look Alya shot her.

“Okay Kim,” Marinette rolled her eyes at Nino.  She looked uncertain for a moment then pushed herself back until she was sitting on her heels and spoke hesitantly, “Or… we could discuss if we are still certain we don’t want the Batfamily here.  Are we sure we don’t want their help?”

“Yes, yes we are,” Alya replied, her voice bordering on disbelief that Marinette would even ask.  “We know what the Justice League is like.  We know what they’ve done and we have a damn good idea what they could do given half the chance.  We gave in on Constantine and look what happened.  We cannot trust them.”

“Think about the last few weeks, Marinette.  Think how much worse they would have been if those people had powers to begin with and understood the extent of their powers, how to push them, how to exploit them.  What to ask for from Hawkmoth to do the most damage?” Nino added.

“The bats don’t have superpowers.” Marinette defended.

“But they work with people who do.  They have strategized attack plans around people who have powers. They understand them and what’s most effective…” Chloe added barely looking up from her notepad.

“And they are incredibly well trained in combat and strategic planning… It would be hard enough without them having super powers. With them, we would be fucked.” Adrien added cutting in on Chloe’s statement.

“We are barely keeping up as it is.  If one of the bats of Justice League were to get akumatized…” Nino let the statement trail off, allowing everyone to use their imagination to fill in the rest.

“Exactly!  We are barely keeping up.  Do we need to consider getting help?  From someone with more experience and different skills?  From someone with experience using superpowers against an opponent?” Marinette ran a hand over her face, “I’m just… I’m getting scared. And I don’t know if that is because I’m seeing a pattern or if I’m just frustrated with where we are and desperate for any change.  And the more distance I have from it, the more I wonder if Constantine was right.  Is it time to bring someone in, but we’re just too scared to try something different?”

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by a banal, obvious statement,” she glared at Adrien, “they have a good understanding of powers, their strengths and weaknesses, and how to strategize around them, which would make them powerful akumas, or incredibly advantageous assets against an akuma.”  Everyone stared at her in surprise.  “Stunned looks terrible on you.” She said making clear she was directing it to all of them.  “The silent awe of me is appropriate though.” She said sitting back in her chair only to immediately grunt and start squirming against the fabric again.

“It isn’t just the powers, I don’t trust them, especially Batman.  If we give them half the chance, I’m afraid they will try to take the miraculous because they think they could wield them and protect them better.” Adrien admitted.  

The group took a second to let both sides of the argument sink in, unsure how to move forward.  Both outcomes could lead to horrific outcomes that nobody wanted to allow. They were all afraid and they knew they were, but like Marinette, they didn’t know if the fear was holding them back from making a mistake or from having a breakthrough.

After a few moments of quiet, Nino broke the quiet in a soothing voice, “We have no way to know which way things will tilt.  Let’s see what we get from the files and reassess then. No reason to introduce more chaos until we know what we have to work with already.  Have you found anything yet?”

“A bit.  Ugh,” she said accepting the change of topic and looking at her notebook with disgust, “this would be so much easier if the kwamis could just tell us all the possible uses of the miraculous were and the ways they could be combined.”

“Yeah, but then Hawkmoth would have known too… and Mayura and Argus.” Tikki pointed out.

“That’s a horrifying thought.  I don’t think we could have taken Hawkmoth and Mayura when we started if they had known all their options.” Adrien shuttered thinking about it.

“That’s why they created the rule that kwami could only tell the very basic powers and responsibilities.  Anything more than that can only come from the Order, so if anyone stole a miraculous, they wouldn’t be able to effectively wield it, making it easier for trained wielders to get it back.”  Trixx said.

“A bit more effective back when there was an Order and masters who actually trained wielders, but you know, times change,” Plagg shrugged with a thinly disguised disgust.

“Okay but let me just say not having known this,” Marinette turned the tablet around for them to see the image of the dragon miraculous she had been studying, “was an option is extremely upsetting.”

“Dibs!” Nino called out, jumping up from the couch before anyone else could call it.

“Fuck you, I saw it first.  I’ve got dibs.  I’ve got plans for it.”  Marinette blew him off.

“No way, you’re going to see all of them first.” Nino pouted.

Marinette grinned at him, “Guardian” she singsonged.  

Trixx floated up closer to the tablet.  “Oh that one.  Yeah, everyone likes that one.  It’s actually just a variation of the power you know already so it is a lot easier to pick up than it looks.”

Plagg floated next to her to check it out too.  “If you like that one, just wait until you find out about…” his sentence was cut off by an overflow of green bubbles falling out of his mouth, causing him to glare at nothing and everything at the same time.

“Okay enough of that.  My turn.” Chloe announced turning her laptop to display pictures of each of the Waynes and their alter egos.

Adrien leaned forward to get a closer look at the images and suddenly his eyes got huge and he gasped, “Oh my God… in the name of all that is holy and good in this world, please tell me the one in the godawful, Red Skull wannabe mask is the one you were making heart eyes at all night.  Please, please, please…” Adrien begged Marinette.

Marinette refused to meet his eyes and pursed her lips, focusing intently on the laptop.  “No comment.”

“It is him! Can I please, please be there when you ‘discuss’ that mask with him before we kick him out?” Adrien said shaking with delight at the thought of it.

Marinette glared at him, “We are going to be focusing on getting them out of Paris without drawing further curiosity or ire, not their wardrobe.” She pointed out turning to Chloe with an expectant look trying to prompt her to continue but couldn’t stop herself from whipping back toward Adrien, “And, I don’t even know if he was even interested in me at all.  It’s far more likely they are concerned about the situation than he is about getting a date.”

Chloe rolled her eyes, “You’re not that stupid, Dupain-Cheng. The honeypotting wouldn’t have worked if he wasn’t interested.”

“I did NOT honeypot him…. And I still don’t know what that means!” Marinette yelled exasperated.

“Yeah, yeah.  But I get to be there right?” Adrien implored ignoring her annoyance and still not giving her a definition.  At this point, it was a matter of pride… or comedy.  Either way, he was dedicated to never telling her what it meant.

“Oooooo and me too,” Alya jumped in.

“You should just leave your com on so we can all hear.” Chloe commented with feigned disinterest.

“We should put it on speaker.  The kwamis will want to hear it too.” Nino agreed with a grin.

“I hate all of you,” Marinette grumbled crossing her arms in front of her as she pouted.

Adrien chuckled at her before putting her out of her misery, “Okay, Chlo.  What did you figure out?”

“So, I focused on Bruce Wayne, Richard Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, and Damian Wayne.  I couldn’t get an identity on Spoiler and there is no public information on Cassandra Cain, who is probably Batgirl, so I could only look at her vigilante work.  But if Constantine is right, they are both still in Shanghai.  It is unlikely they would have brought them in just to talk with us.  So for tonight, they don’t matter.”  Chloe explained before continuing with her analysis.

“The rest of the Wayne family are a treasure trove of insecurities, pressure points, and triggers.  I’m just going to go over the biggest ones since we hopefully will only have to deal with them for a few minutes at the most.  These unstable assholes are definitely Hawkmoth’s wet dream. Extremely well trained and no control over their emotions.  All have extreme versions of insecurity complexes, but react differently.

“Bruce Thomas Wayne is a control freak.  His public persona isn’t much help.  As far as I can tell, most of it is a mask.  He pretends to be a drunk, irresponsible, billionaire playboy but we know he’s Batman so all that is bullshit.  What isn’t is that he is a good negotiator and actor, all of which means he can be a good manipulator and we know from his experience as Batman that he is extremely strategic.  Be suspect of anything he tells you.  His intentions appear to stem from a genuine concern with making lives better, but how much he is willing to listen to other people’s opinion of what constitutes better is questionable, especially after what we know of the Justice League’s actions. He has a history of enforcing his vision onto other people, whether they want it or not, of taking control.  He needs to be in control, or feel like he is so he can prepare for what is coming and make sure it doesn’t turn against him.

“The oldest, Richard John Grayson, has a martyr complex.  He’s so devoted to the saving people thing he became a cop in his civilian life as well, by all accounts an uncorrupt one, and that’s saying something in Gotham and Blüdhaven.  Takes on too much at one time trying to fix everything and feels responsible for every bad thing that happens, even if he wasn’t there… especially if he wasn’t there, to stop it.  If he only would have done whatever, then the bad thing wouldn’t have happened.  If only he was better, blah, blah, blah. Sound familiar?” she looks pointedly at Marinette.  “That’s his weakest spot.  He takes the blame.

“The next, Jason Peter Todd has abandonment issues.  He’s constantly waiting for people to walk away from him like his parents did.  There is something more there, I know there is, like whatever happened when he disappeared for a few years, but we don’t have access to that information. Ridiculously protective of kids on the street, I think because he essentially grew up on them himself. But, here’s the catch, he became a crime lord in order to protect them.  He is willing to go dark to protect people, so they never have to feel like he did and never have to do what he had to do.  He’s straightforward and aggressive.  He feels like everyone is going to walk away from him because he isn’t enough for them to stay.  He’s dangerous.

“The next, Timothy Jackson Drake has inadequacy issues. Wealthy, absentee parents who likely never treated him like anything more than a business asset.” She looked sympathetically at Adrien.  “He is a certified genius.  Started running Wayne Enterprises a few years ago.  He likes a challenge and is an incredible negotiator.  He likes working things out on his own.  He’s smart and curious.  He knows exactly what to ask in order to get the information he needs without you even knowing that’s what he did.  Be careful answering any questions or reacting to any statements from him.  He is constantly trying to prove himself so people will love him.  He takes any failure extremely personally because it means he doesn’t deserve love and a reminder that he isn’t who he thought he was and therefore not worthy.

“The youngest, Damian Wayne, known as the Ice Prince in Gotham, has a superiority complex.  Nobody gets close to him and nobody wants to.  He showed up in Gotham at age 10 with a fully-fledged attitude.  Everyone and everything is beneath him.  He also drives himself to extremes in order to confirm his superiority.  He insults and belittles others because he believes he should be superior to everyone around him, but he is afraid he isn’t and if he isn’t better, then he is significantly worse.”

The rest of the room looked at her sympathetically.  They all knew she wasn’t just talking about Damian. That was her up until a few years ago. She needed to believe she was better than everyone else and needed everyone around her to believe it too.  If she was better then she deserved her parents’ love.  If she had everyone else’s love, it made it easier to fool herself into believing her parents loved her as well, or blunt the feeling when she would realize just how much they didn’t.  But years of therapy, a higher purpose, and real friends that truly wanted the best for her but refused to take any shit from her, made her realize she didn’t need to be that person to deserve love.

“Also keep in mind there are likely significant trust issues going on here.” Chloe continued ignoring the looks from the rest of the room.  “There are a lot of reports of violence between Red Hood and Red Robin, Red Hood and Robin, Red Hood and… everyone actually, as well as Robin and Red Robin.  Based on fact that violence is higher immediately after a changing of the guard, I’d say the passing of the mantle from one Robin to another has never been consensual and likely contributed to their complexes.  They are held together by the thinnest of threads.  We can snap that if we need to… but I don’t think we want to go that far.  If we snap that… I don’t know how much damage that will do or if they will come back from it.” She cautioned hesitantly.

“Agreed.  I don’t want to go there.  There is plenty to use without going into the family issues, without causing irreparable damage.” Marinette concurred.  They didn’t want the Bat family in Paris but they didn’t want to destroy them either. She wasn’t willing to let herself or her team become monsters in order to stop them.  At the end of the day, they were ultimately all on the same team, they all wanted the same outcome, they just had different ways they wanted to get there… and different ideas about who got to decide that… and who should lead it…

“God these people need a hug not whatever that ‘family’ of theirs is providing each other.” Nino said aghast at the report.

“Marinette’s already on top of that, at least for one of them…” Alya smirked.

“Fuck you, bitch.” Marinette narrowed her eyes at her.

“I’m on top of that one,” Nino grinned, raising his hand.

“Oh God.  Seriously we need to investigate that brain bleach thing,” Marinette groaned squeezing her eyes shut trying to keep that image from appearing.

“Okay,” Adrien announced over everyone, “we all agree after this whole Hawkmoth thing is over, I get to kick Constantine’s ass and we all portal over to the Batcave and hug the insecure, unfairly cute, prickly, little echidnas until they feel better, right?” Adrien asked solemnly.

“Ugh, fine but I’m not hugging the gremlin.  Someone else gets that one,” Chloe called out throwing out her arms.

The room stilled as everyone else looked at each other, “Not it!” they all called at almost the exact same moment.

“Damn it,” Nino cried as he realized he had been a few seconds slower than everyone else.

“That’s what you get for being a turtle.  When the confrontation happens, I got the pampered rich kid.”  Chloe announced.  This was her area.  She knew just where to push kids like that, like her.  She knew exactly what to say to get them, her, to hit them at their most vulnerable.  To push just enough to make an impact without breaking them.

“No, Chloe.  We don’t want to tip our hand and we need you guys to stand sentry.  I want you, Alya, and Nino to hang back acting as scouts. This is likely to go bad and I need you guys in a triangular formation a block out watching for akumas.  Adrien and I will talk to them.”

“Alone?” Nino asked tentatively.  His job was to protect.  He didn’t like the idea of not being close enough to act if they should need it.

“They aren’t going to attack us, at least not physically.  And we will take an extra miraculous each.” Marinette smiled gently to placate him.

“Are you sure two is enough, m’lady?” Adrien asked curiously.

“You sure you aren’t just trying to keep it a bit more intimate for you and your boy?” Alya waggled her eyebrows.

Marinette glared at her, “Two should be enough.” She said ignoring the previous statement, “Combined with your two, we should be able to cover what we need to. It’s just the Batfamily.  We should be able to handle them with just one each even if they wanted to attack us.” She grinned at Adrien.  “Magic, gotta love it.”  

“Okay but when he calls you incompetent, which he will, you need to push back.  Point out the ways he’s failed.  He isn’t better than us, no matter what he thinks and the sooner you make him realize that, the sooner the real conversation can start.” Chloe warned.

“He is all of, what, 13?  We are not going to try to emotionally damage a child.” Nino stated flatly.

“As long as he thinks he is better than us, he won’t take us seriously.” Chloe warned.  Nino just glared back at her, not willing to give in on this.  “Fine, if you don’t want to point out his failings, then point out the most impressive things we’ve done that they haven’t.  That should suffice.  Not as effective, but it should get you there.”

“Okay, if we’re going to start discussing strategy, we’re going to need some sustenance.  Let’s get dinner ready so we can start discussing the plan for tonight,” Alya said throwing Nino’s legs off her lap.  Marinette and Nino followed her to the kitchen leaving Chloe and Adrien behind.

“You know, I noticed something with your analysis, Chloe,” Adrien started quietly keeping his eyes on their friends.

“I would hope you noticed more than just one thing,” Chloe chided him.

“Cute,” he said rolling his eyes, “Jason was the only one you said was dangerous, why is that?  

“I thought it was obvious?  The others have a limit.  I don’t know that he does.  And Marinette likes him, a lot.  He has a power to hurt her that the others don’t.  And they are very different.  They are both willing to go as far as necessary to help others, but to her that means killing herself, to him that means killing everyone else and himself,” She looked at him uncertainly, “and I’m not sure how she will react to that.”

“You think he would do that if we let him stay here?”

“I don’t know enough about him to predict what he will do.  He dialed it back to work with the bats again but… There really isn’t that much on him. I can tell you what Red Hood has done and that is bad, but not Jason Todd.  Since he disappeared, presumed dead, hell maybe he was, who knows what happens in Gotham, there is nothing on Jason Todd.  If you want me to try to predict, you can hop on down to Africa and see if you can borrow the kwami of prediction.  Until then, it’s all guesswork.  I need to see him.  See how he acts before I could even try.”

He stared at her for a few seconds a look of utter confusion on his face, “You think the kwami of prediction is in Africa?”

“Do you ever hear any miraculous related shit doing down in Africa?” she fixed him with a knowing stare.

“No,” he said cautiously

“Exactly, because they know what’s coming and they do their fucking jobs.” She winked at him and walked away.

<><><><><> 

Bruce, Jason, Tim, and Damian sat in the living area of Bruce’s hotel room in various states of suited up for the night.  They had barely had time to throw their bags in their rooms before meeting up to prepare for the night.  Damian was completely dressed and ready to go on a moment’s notice, as always more than ready to focus on business.  Bruce and Tim were in everything but their masks, choosing comfort until they had to leave.  Jason was sitting in a large chair in just his pants and shirt, attempting to look relaxed and nonchalant about them being so close to the girl he met at the gala. They were all staring at a massive screen linking them to Dick, Alfred, and Selina in the Batcave.  

“So, how’s Paris, boys?” Selina asked from her position lounging in one of the chairs.  “Meet any interesting people yet?  Jason?”  She added with a smirk.

“You know Bruce, all work and no play.  We haven’t gotten a chance to get out and meet anyone.  Doing this instead.” Jason shrugged with a practiced indifference, forcing himself to recline further back into the chair in an effort to seem casual.  

“Haven’t even gotten to see the Eiffel Tower yet?” She asked in mock sympathy.

“Oh, no, we saw it… from the plane.” Jason played along.

“You really should make sure to visit the Eiffel Tower while there, Master Bruce.”  Alfred threw in trying to downplay his amused smile.

“It’s not as impressive as you think it will be,” Tim muttered to nobody in particular.

“We’re here for a reason, Jason.  If we don’t want to lose today, we need to get started immediately…”  Bruce admonished him but upon looking up and seeing Alfred’s unimpressed look added, “We can get lunch near the Eiffel Tower tomorrow.  Better?” He looked to Alfred who switched to small smile instead.  Taking that as approval, Bruce nodded to Tim indicating they were ready for him to start his presentation.

Tim nodded to Bruce and moved to the front of the group and pulled up an image from the Ladyblog displaying five superheroes and their names on half of the screen.  “I’ve found a few local resources on the heroes we couldn’t see back home and have downloaded their contents and sent them back to you guys,” he said nodding toward the half of the screen displaying the cave, “so you can look through the information as well.  I’m not sure what is preventing the data from being accessible from America, but I suspect magic.” He glared at the screen like it personally offended him, “I hate magic.

“I’ve only had about 30 minutes to prepare so this is going to be brief.  I mainly focused on… well actually I mainly focused on figuring out the best resources for information, downloading copies of the site content, and sending a copy back to the batcomputer.  But after that, I mainly focused on figuring out who the heroes are so we know who we might run into and who to look for tonight.  

“The available information indicates a villain named Hawkmoth appeared in Paris roughly five years ago…”

“Huh. Where have I heard that before?” Jason muttered from his seat.

“… and the heroes Ladybug and Chat Noir appeared at the same time.” Tim continued a bit louder this time.  “There appear to be five regular heroes and a few heroes that appear from time to time. Here are images of the heroes we know about,” he nodded to the image on the screen.  He switched briefly to another image displaying the lesser known heroes before returning to the image of the main five heroes.  “Not every battle is caught on camera and of the battles that are caught, most of the actual fighting is not caught, making it easy to miss heroes and villains in the fight.  The resources make it clear there likely are more heroes that we don’t know about, which I would say is a definite since your girlfriend didn’t appear on any of the sites.” He nodded toward Jason who just huffed and crossed his arms in response, not willing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

“The primary heroes are Ladybug and Chat Noir, with Ladybug as the leader.  Those are the two we need to convince if we want any information.  We know a few identities of past heroes, including a girl who lives in this hotel, Chloe Bourgeois.  She was a bee themed heroine named Queen Bee.  Since then another bee themed heroine has appeared and is one of the 5 regulars.”

Jason narrowed his eyes at the screen, “It looks like the same person.  Could it be her in a different costume?”

“I don’t think so,” Tim answered shaking his head, “When I was looking at her page on the sites I think I saw that she has been seen at the same time as the new bee hero.  I can analyze it more when I get more time, but the local experts don’t appear to think they are.  We don’t know the identity of the new bee.”

“You think they look similar?” Dick asked incredulously.  “You’re crazy.  Their costume, hair color, eye color, height, everything is different.”  Jason looked between Dick and the image of the two bee wielders a few times.  One of them was crazy, he just wasn’t sure which one of them it was.

“Figure out where she lives then you should arrange to run into her tomorrow.” Bruce said nodding toward Tim.

Tim gave a single nod to Bruce accepting the assignment.  “There seems to have been a massive overhaul of heroes about a year into the fight.  All of the heroes except Ladybug and Chat Noir were replaced with new heroes.  No explanation was given… or maybe there is one I just haven’t found it yet.”

Damian scoffed, “There’s one villain and five or more heroes and they haven’t been able to take him down?  Pathetic. These are the people entrusted with objects capable to destroying the world?”

“I haven’t been able to get much information yet so we don’t know exactly what is going on but it looks like there is more than just Hawkmoth.  He might be a leader or mastermind behind the villains.  I’ve seen at least a few other villain names mentioned when looking up the heroes.”

“Do we think they all have a miraculous as well?” Dick asked.

“Not sure.  I haven’t gotten that far yet, but it stands to reason.” Tim nodded absentmindedly.

Jason moved closer to the screen staring intently at the pictures of Ladybug from different years.  There was something familiar about her but there was something else sitting on the edge of his consciousness, he just needed to figure out what his subconscious was trying to tell him.  His eyebrows furrowed and he narrowed his eyes trying to block out anything but the images.  His eyes widened as the realization suddenly hit him, “Mother fucker!”  He whipped around to Tim, “Do we have any indication of how old these heroes are?  They look like babies in those older pictures.”

Tim shrugged, “Haven’t gotten that far yet so, not sure.  But I glanced at a section on Ladybug and Chat Noir throughout history so at least for them, somewhere between 5 and 5000.  I should have a better idea tomorrow after I’ve had a chance to read a bit more.”  He squinted at the pictures, “You think they look young?”

“You don’t?” Jason asked incredulously.

Damian examined the images a bit harder as well.  “They do seem around my age in the first images.”

“Really?  I’m with Tim, I can’t tell either.  I can’t get a good feel for age when I look at the pictures.” Dick’s voice came over the speaker.  “That’s strange.  Their faces are at least partially exposed.  I should be able to get an idea at least.” He paused for a few seconds. “Do you think the magic is helping conceal their identities as well?”

Tim stared at the images as well, moving slowly closer to them, “Maybe,” he nodded subconsciously, “I can’t get a feel either.  The longer I stare at them the harder it is to tell anything.”

“Magic.” Bruce shook his head in disgust.  “Anything else to tell us tonight, Tim?”

Tim shook his head “Not today.  I’ll have more tomorrow.”

Bruce nodded a thanks and switched places with Tim.  Damian scowled at Tim and moved to put some distance between him and Tim.  Tim fought off rolling his eyes in annoyance, but only just managed it.  Bruce turned to the rest of the team, “Okay, as soon as we are done here, we’ll start scouting the city to see if we can make contact. We are not looking to be too subtle with this.  We want them to know we are here.  If you catch sight of them, let the rest of us know we will send someone to talk to them about a meeting later tonight or tomorrow.  I want to make this very clear.  Our goal today is to meet the local heroes and set up a meeting in the next few days in order to gather more information.   The primary mission is recon.  We have no idea what exactly is going on here or how dangerous it is.  We are not engaging tonight.  We want them to trust us, think we’re on their side, and get as much information out of them as we can, on the situation and the miraculous.”

“If we want them to trust us, we should leave the rabid squirrel here.  Or better yet, send his petty ass home.  He’s only going to cause trouble.” Jason griped, motioning toward Damian.  Tim did roll his eyes this time.  It was a stupid fight to pick.  Damian wasn’t going anywhere.  Damian wanted to come and Bruce gave in.  They were just on containment duty now, trying to minimize the damage Damian would do.

“You’ve made your feelings more than abundantly clear on the matter, Little Wing, frequently.  Damian is there now.  Deal with it.” Dick reprimanded him, tired of this conversation. Jason hadn’t gotten his way in their discussion in the Batcave.  He hadn’t gotten his way discussing it the next day.  He hadn’t gotten his way in the car on the way to the airport or boarding the plane or on the plane or deplaning or while checking into the hotel, he wasn’t going to get Damian kicked off the mission now.

“Someone needs to be there to make sure you don’t tell them all our secrets trying to impress some vapid, philistine harpy.” Damian snapped turning his back to Jason.  

It was a small miscalculation, but in this family that is all that is needed. By moving away from Tim, he had placed himself close to Jason and by turning, he had left himself open to Jason’s much longer arm reach.  Jason grabbed Damian’s cape and yanked back sharply.  “Watch your mouth, you puerile, creepy, little shit.”  Damian let out a startled grunt before landing with a loud thump on the ground.  He growled at Jason and tensed to pounce on him.

“Jason!” Bruce admonished moving between the two boys.  “Let’s focus on the mission.”

Jason rolled his eyes.  Of fucking course that would be Bruce’s reaction. “Right. Don’t want to prevent the oncoming disaster if it’s coming from inside the house.” He leaned back in the chair with a huff.  “You want to focus on the mission, Old Man?  Fine.  Coming at them with an almost full team that includes this asshole,” he motioned toward Damian, “doesn’t exactly scream ‘trust us’, does it?  Do we really want everyone to show up to this thing?  Maybe one or two of you should stay in the room.”

“Considering your girlfriend threatened to leave us bloody and broken, more is probably a safer bet.  We probably should have insisted on Dick coming as well, maybe have the girls meet us here too.  And do you really want to leave Damian unsupervised?” Tim asked with a raised brow fully facing him.  The only way to attempt to contain Damian at this point was to keep him close and Jason knew it.

“You could stay with him.  We weren’t planning on actually having a discussion tonight anyway.  That way you could get more research done and someone could watch the child.” Jason reasoned. Tim nodded in thought.  Not a bad idea at all.  He would like more time to research before they actually interacted with any of the heroes.  But it came from Jason so there must be something wrong with it.  He just needed to figure out what it was.

Damian growled at the description.  “I am not a child.”

Jason scoffed back at him, “You act like one.”

Damian jumped at him flipping midair and unsheathing his katana, landing with it a few centimeters from Jason’s jugular, “Could a child do that?”

“One just did.” Jason glowered at him, hitting the sword away.

“Jason has a point.” Dick spoke up, breaking the tension.  Damian whipped his head to Dick’s image on the screen his face giving away a flash of hurt before almost immediately schooling his expression into a blank look.

“Did that hurt to say?” Jason asked with a smirk, “It looked like it hurt. That’s okay sometimes the most satisfying things do.”

“Yeah, that’s healthy,” Tim muttered to himself.

Dick rolled his eyes and continued on, ignoring Jason, “Sending so many, especially hostile ones, looks like a power play.  It looks like you’re trying to intimidate them.”

“We are,” Damian snapped at him.

“You aren’t.” Dick corrected him. “You’re trying to get them on your side. You are trying to get them to trust you.  Not scare them.”

“We won’t all show up to meet them.  I’ll take the lead along with Tim.  Jason and Damian will hold back and watch.” Bruce clarified.  “For tonight I want everyone out and about so we can cover more ground and hopefully either run into one of the heroes or make our presence known enough to get their attention for tomorrow.”

“If this” Damian indicated all of them in the room, “is all it takes to scare them, they need our help more than we thought.”

“He didn’t say it would scare them, he said it looks like we are trying to scare them.” Jason responded with a sharp edge to his voice.

“You’re welcome to stay back in the room.” Tim offered annoyed with the conversation.

“I have information I want too” Jason growled at him.

“We are not here to get information on that woman.” Tim rebuked him.

“You aren’t” Jason muttered turning away.

“Jason” Bruce said sternly, “We are here to collect data on the miraculous and the heroes and see how much danger we and the world are in and if something needs to be done.”

“Not get you a date with a girl you don’t know and don’t even know if she is interested.” Tim taunted him.

“This is not about getting a date,” Jason defended himself.

Tim, Dick, and Damian all scoffed in unison while Bruce and Alfred gave Jason a skeptical look.  Selina sat in the background with an amused smile.  Really, the only result she was interested in from this mission was Jason finding his girl.

Jason glared at him before turning to Bruce, “I know what we’re here for…” He wouldn’t turn a date down if it should come up and if he managed to find her, he was definitely going to ask her.  But, his priority was to help her, which meant both finding her and getting information on the miraculous.  If he wanted to achieve both of his goals, he first needed to focus on that the family wanted… for now, so they would be distracted and he could focus on his other mission alone.  “What exactly were you thinking might need to be done?”

“Whatever we have to.” Bruce responded calmly but with steel in his eyes.

Jason furrowed his brows at Bruce.  That explanation was significantly more hostile than the original mission statement.  Not that he was surprised, but Bruce stating it so plainly meant he considered it a higher probability.  “That’s a far cry from the ‘we’re just gathering information’ mission you extolled earlier.” Jason gritted out.

“It’s all related.” Bruce stated.

“Why do you think we’re here, Todd?  We need to figure out if we need to acquire the miraculous and how to do so.” Damian snapped at him.

“You’re planning on taking the miraculous?” Tim rounded on Bruce, his confusion evident, having come to the same conclusion as Jason.  “You said over and over again you didn’t think we needed to worry about the girl that broke into the cave and now you’re planning on stealing their miraculous?”

“We are not going to steal their miraculous!” Jason exclaimed.  What the hell was going on?  He had thought they were making progress.  Bruce agreed to investigate and offer help fight Paris’ villain and now they were planning on taking out the heroes themselves.

“We are going to assess the situation.” Bruce clarified trying to pacify them and bring emotions down to a quiet rumbling rather than a full out roar. Completely content was never an option and Bruce knew it.

“We wouldn’t steal Green Lantern’s ring, we shouldn’t even be thinking about touching theirs.”  Jason yelled.

“We would if he were evil.” Dick reasoned, not at all surprised by the turn of events and long past getting upset when Bruce made plans like these. Bruce liked to be prepared.  The Paris heroes might not ever do anything evil. They might become allies, but that wouldn’t stop Bruce from figuring out their weaknesses and how to take them down should the need arise.

“If they were evil, Constantine wouldn’t be helping them.” Jason argued back, his face starting to turn red, “Not wanting to have you interfere doesn’t make them evil B.” Jason argued back.

“We are not planning on taking anything, but we need to be prepared if things go bad.  We don’t know enough to even begin to guess what could go wrong to cause us to step in. At this stage, we are just trying to get an idea what is going on so we can get a better idea of what to ask later so we can make a plan.” Bruce started moving toward the balcony doors as he pulled on his cowl, “Now finish suiting up.  Let’s go.”

“Oh this is going to go just fucking swimmingly,” Jason muttered under his breath as he pulled on his jacket and grabbed his helmet.  Tim hummed in agreement and started bracing for the worst, which was standard practice at this point.

   Chapter 5

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 Note: *Sigh* I honestly thought they would meet again, kinda, in this chapter, but then they didn’t, the unruly bastards.  So very sorry.  Next chapter I promise!  I swear it is the next scene.

[capri-ramblings]

It's finally here! The third Installment of my 'Mother's Reluctance'' ✨ Sebek,Deuce and Epel will be featured in the fourth part! Thank you for your patience!

Warning; Toxic/unhealthy relationships. Mentions of substance.

Please take note every work of mine here is purely fictional and meant for entertainment.

Please do not indulge in my yandere works if you are triggered by its dark, heavy themes.

Trey Clover

- Trey had wondered when the question was going to be asked. The two of you have been together for almost five years and he's noticed how you've adapted to his...darker tendencies as a partner

- He'll be honest,he's impressed. When it all first started he thought he'd have to break you to make the whole relationship work,but it seems you've proven him wrong

- Children are a must have for Trey. He grew up with a fairly large family himself and he couldn't really picture a lasting relationship with you without any children. Plus,his parents had began asking too.

- He had no problems with it,of course. He was more than ready to handle a few more children aside from his younger siblings,the only issue here was you.

- Trey was aware that you weren't so confident in parenting as he was,and he also noticed your reluctance regarding it.

- It annoyed him to a certain degree, and with his subtle charisma,Trey made sure you were aware of it.

- And you were. You just thought that as long as you acted like you didn't,he wouldn't get too frustrated over it.

- Oh,how wrong you were.

- Trey's cunningness hides behind a veil of his usual friendliness towards everyone, and by forgetting that, you were bound to fall for his trap.

- The two of you were closing up the family bakery one night when Trey came out of the kitchen with freshly baked tarts settled neatly on a white plate.

- "Were there extras? I thought we sold out everything..."

- Trey let out a small laugh as he shook his head. You noted how pleased he looked and quietly wondered why he was in such a good mood all of the sudden.

- "No,I made these for us. Your favourites too" He took one tart off the plate and plopped it into his mouth in one go, and the corners of your lips twitched into a small smile.

- "Thanks,but I think I'll pass. I just wanna get into bed and sleep"

- The whole day was a chore. You were used to a bustling bakery filled with customers,but today most of those customers were children, kindergarteners who had their teacher bring them all into the town's favourite Bakery because it was one of their friends' birthday. It was a sweet occasion,you weren't going to lie,seeing those small happy faces filled with sweets had you grinning,but the amount of energy those small human beings demanded was exasperating.

- Trey rose his brows,taking in another tart into his mouth. You missed the dark look he gave you when you turned around to flip the shop's sign from outside.

- "You're missing out" He mused, "It could help rejuvenate that tired body of yours"

- You laughed,shaking your head. You should've expected him to treat you like some worn out kid,Trey always had that habit.

- Though, you weren't expecting his body to press against yours when you turned around to face him. His lips suddenly close enough to just hover above yours.

- "Trey—"

- He leaned down to kiss your lips faster than your words could reach you, and in the moment you pressed yourself into him,Trey slipped one arm around your waist.

- His lips tasted sweet, a mix of vanilla and citrus mingling on his tongue that came to intertwine around yours. When you felt him closing the gap between bodies,the kiss deepened and Trey had you wilting in his grasp. The way his heat engulfed your entire being then gave a sense of high you failed to find in anyone else,and when he finally broke the contact,your lips were swollen and aching for more.

- The look in his eyes before he pulled away from you was tinted with wanton fever. And for a brief second,you thought you saw hunger in them.

- You're stumbling on yourself,of course you are. Trey isn't the type to suddenly pull you into such an intimate thing after all, but you regain your composure fast and with a gentle if not wary nudge, you put a space between you and Trey as you walked pass him and towards the scounter.

- "What was that for?" You asked and heard him chuckling before the sound of the front door locking caught your attention. It was meant to be locked,you remind yourself. The backdoor was always how you and Trey left after all. You wondered then why it bothered you so much in the first place.

- "Can't I be mysterious and kiss you whenever?"

- It sounded harmless,how the words just seem to bounce in your head and you paid it no mind.

- The tray of tarts placed beside you caught your eye a second you were about to reach out and take one for yourself, but something held you back.

- Trey is,above all else, a patient person and that patience you found so comforting is what he'll use against you.

- That night, after getting home and finally be able to just throw yourself onto your mattress. You woke up feeling thirsty and decided to slither out of bed as quietly as you could so Trey wouldn't be disturbed.

- In getting yourself a cold drink, you wonder if the tarts he made earlier were still there and to your pleasant surprise,Trey had kept them chilled in the fridge. Somehow feeling giddy about how spontaneous he was today, you take one and pop it into your mouth.

- Oh, sweetheart. Didn't you realize they tasted a bit too sweet? Trey's Doodle suit should've worn off by now but maybe it was just the exhaustion of the day that made you oblivious to the slight tingling sensation you felt after successfully eating three tarts in a row.

- Then again,how could you have known he slipped in a longing potion in them? He knew if it worked too fast it would seem suspicious and so Trey gave you the leniency of time by making it in small doses.

- He's waited years for the moment you'd beg him to have his seed inside you, a few more months is nothing.

- So,he'll wait and watch as the potion sets into your senses and you start wondering why you ever disliked the thoughts of children in the first place.

- They're so small and harmless and filled with joy...and they the way they'd resemble their parents so perfectly...

- How would your child look like? Would they have Trey's sharp gaze and your complexion? His patience and your wits?

- The thoughts circle through your head like a hypnotising lullaby.

- It began to hurt to wake up and see you don't have a kid of your own with your partner.

- Did Trey still wanted them? You hoped did because this house has started to feel a bit too big for just the two of you.

Jade Leech

- Jade can be cunning and cruel when he wants to and that's what made him such a terrifying partner to anger.

- He had control over himself,he knew when to pull back and when to shove fear down your throat.

- Jade is someone you never want to rile up or provoke even when you never really had a way of seeing the earlier signs of it.

- Possessive and sadistic, whenever Jade wanted a certain type of attention from you, he never failed to make you flinch from it.

- He was also very observant of you, and so he already knew from the start that the topic of having children was something you never wanted to delve into

- But, he liked seeing you squirm with discomfort. So, naturally,the topic often came up. Much to your dismay.

- "Say,why don't you want children, ____?"

- The way he curled his tongue around your name at the end made you shiver and Jade fought back the urge to snicker behind your back.

- Your lips pursed, and you tried to calm your nerves, but even knowing fully well what he was aiming at, you always tend to come off snarky.

- And though he adores your fighting spirit, Jade also loves giving you small punishments afterwards.

- Jade is wickedly patient however, so his process of manipulating you into giving him a child is more likely a slow burn. You don't even notice you're leaning into his fantasies until it's too late.

- He starts subtly at first, as always, pointing out the physical differences between him and you. Reminding you that he isn't human and thus the act of making children would be vastly different from how he'd usually have sex with you.

- His eyes seem to flicker when he sees you squirm underneath his scrutinizing prowess, but the conflicting acts of gentleness that comes afterwards has you cornered.

- He was throwing you out in the cold waters only to reel you back up into his arms,so you'd never know the warmth of another. So you'd depend on him.

- And it was working.

- Jade will choose to tire you out from your refusal. Easing you ever so tentatively into the idea of having children. The idea of truly becoming his wife and partner for life.

- Whether he had you as your current self or somehow altered you into one of his own kind is something he doesn't really mull over. As long as it's you, Jade doesn't care.

- You're both facing the mirror in your bedroom when Jade comes from behind you, his arms swiftly snaking its way around your waist. You fit in his grasp so perfectly,how could he imagine losing you to someone else?

- "Have children with me,my little starfish. Can't you imagine them swimming about? Calling you their mother and swarming you with loving hugs and kisses?"

- His words sounds so peaceful,so serene, you can't help but look into your reflection and see the swollen bump growing in your womb. See how easier your life would be if you surrendered yourself to him completely.

- "You'll make a lovely mother, and your brood will be the light of my life. I'll do anything to make you all happy."

- You breathed in his scent,his skin against yours a solid comfort you've come to yearn for.

- Would he always be this gentle if you gave him what he wanted?

- Days when he'll leave you all alone seemed to make you cringe. If you had a part of him, those days wouldn't bother you,would it?

- Jade intertwined his fingers with yours, a knowing look etched into his expression as he hears you murmur your reply.

- "Please be gentle."

Cater Diamond

- If Cater really wanted kids, he'd have cum inside you from the beginning really.

- He looks like a man with plans and at times he is, but when it came to personal things he always gets too emotionally invested to actually plan things out.

- But truth be told, he had to take a few years to sort his thoughts out to finally be comfortable with the notion of having kids.

- It's not that he disliked them, kids were great most of the time but he didn't exactly enjoy the idea of sharing his sweet Cupcake with an infant.

- After all, children required a lot of caring for and that's what good parents do, and what you and him have to face up to.

- But Cater didn't want that. He wanted you to himself. His Cupcake's time and effort should be showered onto him and him alone.

- A child would be a hindrance to that.

- But then a light bulb beamed in his thoughts and Cater came to a conclusion that if he had kids with you then your life would be completely in his hands!

- Unlike his carefree facade, Cater's yandere side is controlling and extremely possessive. If a kid is what it takes to have you forever, then he'll have twenty of them without a doubt.

- and they'll all call him Papa

- And you'd be their sweet,caring, mommy.

- This fantasy of his is a nightmare to you, and chances are Cater already guessed you were against it

- Though if you think that'll stop him, you're wrong.

- He's your capable Senpai,after all. He'll know the perfect tricks to get you on his side.

- You're extremely off the edge with how suddenly gentle and thoughtful Cater's been the last few weeks, how he hasn't played one of his manipulative mind games on you or increasing the 'rent' for staying with him, and you're half believing that maybe he's back to his old self. But there's this sick feeling in your stomach that doesn't seem to budge the more you spend time thinking about it and you keep telling yourself that he's baiting you into some sort of trap.

- So, you keep your guard up. Taking in the smallest gestures and carefully analysing them, making sure you hadn't somehow made Cater upset

- You knew how crafty he was after all.

- But being crafty wasn't his only strong suit,omitting that made you vulnerable to him.

- Cater has his charms, at times you don't even see him get all possessive over you until he has you trembling underneath him on the bed.

- Maybe it was the fact he always hid his true expressions, growing up with bossy sisters gave him the upper hand of disclosing any bitter thoughts and gestures.

- So,no, you don't realize it when he slips in the aphrodisiac in your drinks and snacks little by little everyday.

- No, you don't seem to wonder why you're always hot and bothered when he's not even paying you any attention.

- You don't even know why he hasn't even touch you at all in any way. No hugs from behind or pecks on the cheek. Not even a single wink.

- He's feeding you stuff to throw your hormones into a turbulent storm and he's going to let you starve.

- The doses are so small,so damn meticulous, you'd think it was ridiculous for anyone to even pull off but Cater does.

- Because he's determined to make you beg for it, because he knows that if you beg then you can't tell him otherwise later on.

- He's pushing you into a steep edge of a cliff and then he'll blame you for acting scared and asking him for help.

- Out of the manipulating yanderes out there,Cater is the most shameless.

- He wants you to hear you say it, needs to have a deluded sense of consent.

- You're his Cupcake after all, if you weren't willing, then it's not exciting. He doesn't like seeing you cry with all that sad, desperate pleadings.

- He wants you to welcome him,to accept him.

- When you finally hit your limit, Cater is quick to come to your side and give you whatever you needed from him.

- Thirsty? Oh sweetheart,he already has a glass of cold water for you here!

- Feverish? No problem, he'll stay up to monitor your temperature!

- You're starting to get all grabby and clingy too? Teling him how you didn't want him to leave and that you felt all lonely. He doesn't mind. He'll let you do whatever you wanted to him.

- Those aphrodisiacs can be such a bother, right? Of course. He understands. He won't tell you off for it. Not yet at least.

- "You don't look at me anymore, you don't touch or even hold me...Did I do something wrong? Are you angry? Please say something. It's like you're not even here anymore."

- Your mind's all muddied and scrambled, your skin burning and senses stirred. Half of what you say don't even make it to your own ears but somehow the way Cater looks down at you with such sympathetic eyes gets you all teary eyed.

- "Aw, Cupcake. Don't cry,hey,I'm not going to leave you, okay?"

- "Listen,I'm the one who made you stay with me right? Why would I leave you,hm?"

- "Come on,don't be sad. You know I hate it when you start getting sad..."

- Cater wipes away the tears on your cheeks,the heat from his palms cupping your face sending chills down your spine. It felt so good to be touched. It's as if you've been deprived of a crucial living necessity.

- You even started calling out his name, looping it around your tongue like a mantra as you bury your face into his chest, melting into his embrace.

- Cater's holding back a laugh when he runs his fingers through your hair, his eyes dulled and glazed over.

- Intoxicated.

- "Come on, Cupcake, if you don't stop that I'll have to eat you up tonight."

Silver

- He's surprisingly very straightforward with it.

- One of the mildest yanderes amongst the boys, Silver doesn't resort to violence or manipulation.

- It's not that he isn't good at either one, he is, you've seen multiple times how easily he overwhelmed past suitors who thought they could take you away from him, how easy his tongue told lies that crafted everyone into his scheme, but Silver simply doesn't see the point.

- Why would he put in so much effort into something that could be dealt with normally?

- If he wanted children, he would tell you and then he'll wait for your reply. He'll watch how your body reacts to him wanting to set his mark on you permanently.

- You can tell him no, and he'll nod his head.

- The next day, he'll ask you for your reason, and you can tell him that you aren't ready, that children were hard for you to handle.

- Again, he'll silently let your answer seep into him.

- The third day, he'll give you his answer,his reason and he'll make you choose.

- "If you give me a child, you can stay with your parents until you deliver."

- And then suddenly,your entire world comes crashing down on you.

- You're not sure if you're hearing him right and patiently,Silver repeats his offer and you're staring at him as if your eyes are adjusting to some sort of light you were hidden away from.

- He knows why you're stumped, though. Silver took you away from your family and friends the moment he had you in his grasp.

- You were his precious songbird,his treasured magpie. No one else could hold open the doors to your cage save for Silver himself.

- He lets you think it over, because that's just how he is despite how impatient he seems to look,Silver could wait for over a year for your reply. He won't lay a hand on you, never has really, but the way his gaze seemed to freeze over whenever he looked to you gave you the impression that if you ever came to displease him, you'd be cut down in a second.

- How terrifying it was to not know when a trap has been disarmed.

- Silver was not an easy man to read.

- So,you think and you think and think until your mind is burning from the lack of rest. You're trying to sort out the possibilities of him lying to you but it doesn't add up, because that isn't the sort of person Silver is.

- He doesn't lie. Doesn't need to.

- You're always stumbling on your feet when it came to him.

- He's stirred awake from his nap when you came knocking on his study's door, your dress finely ironed and fitted perfectly to your figure. He admires how lovely you look in his home and Silver reaches out a hand to touch your sleeve, a small smile curled on his lips.

- "Your beauty makes me happy." He coos, somehow as if he's still in a dream. If only you could share his easiness.

- You're fighting the urge to turn stiff from his softness towards you, but are left relieved when he pulls away.

- "You've decided." It's not a question, and you look up to him,brows furrowing.

- "I haven't said anything yet"

- "No. But your skin is flushed, and your eyes are warm. You've already found an answer" Silver sounds so sure, effortlessly charming with how languid and smooth his words leave him. And the way he's able to read out your profile makes you wonder what else he seems to know about the thoughts your kept from leaving your lips.

- Truth is, the reason why Silver knows you so well is that his obsession over you has made him revolve his life around you. From the way you dressed to the very way you sleep,he keeps a detailed picture of it in his mind and they play in his thoughts when he dreams.

- A yandere Silver is one who's immensely enamored by his sweetheart, and ensures that their life is never too far from him to miss out.

- He knows you never wanted children,more so with him, but instead of making it seem like a permanent imprisonment, he'll make it a momentary freedom.

- Have his child and you'll get to see your family,go back to your childhood home and spend your days there until the child is born.

- There would be no lingering gazes or looming shadows watching you, you'd have your old life back if not a glimpse of it before you go back to his suffocating arms.

- But be wary,and be smart. Silver isn't a fool, once you're carrying his child he'll also place a small curse on you which will ultimately harm the life you hold inside you.

- This curse is triggered only if you try to escape him.

- You're only informed of it only after you're well under six months into the pregnant of course, and Silver will have the same calm, almost lazy demeanor when he does so,his gaze never once leaving yours as he watches you break down crying.

- He'll come up to your side though and gently run his hands up and down your back.

- "Don't worry,my love. As long as you keep to our promise, our young prince will be nothing but perfect."

[calpops]

together | c.h.

@notinthesameguey said: If you're able to 👉👈What about a lazy dinner and they just talk about the wedding? Maybe they're huddled in the living room eating some pizza and they joke about wanting some pizza at their wedding and yeah

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dates with cal masterlist

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Calum comes home late but you’re not alone, the ring on your finger keeps you company and reminds you of his promises. You don’t tire of staring at opal and silver inlaid with flecks of diamonds. It’s not just the beauty of the ring that keeps your attention but the feeling that it evokes. When the front door finally opens you turn from your perch on the couch and wave Calum over as he enters with a grin. His first instinct when he reaches you is to hold your hand, let his eyes look upon the ring and then let his lips brush the back of your hand past a smirk. 

“That ring was made for you,” he says in a whisper as you pull him down onto the couch, the reality of being engaged coming down with you.

“Did you eat?” You ask, knowing how Calum’s schedule always becomes skewed when studio and rehearsal hours wear him thin. “We have left overs.”

“I could go for that,” Calum says but makes no move to get to the fridge where day old pizza lingers. Instead, he nuzzles into you and takes a moment to be with you.

Ever since the night of tears and questions of distance you’ve both gotten back on track to spending time together. No more tense moments of silence follow you, no more doubts or fears plague you during lonely nights. Simple things bring you back to normalcy. Taking an extra moment to linger with each other, spending mornings together, getting engrossed in a new book when sleepless nights ensue. Now, it’s all done with a ring on your finger and plans of a wedding in your heads.

“Let’s go together,” you suggest around a laugh when he still makes no move to get food. He whines in a low rumble at the thought of disentangling himself from your side but he complies; leftover pizza in an empty stomach too tempting to give up on completely.

After it’s heated in the oven and put on plates brought over to the couch you settle back into each other’s holds. Your legs are draped across his lap, shoulder under his arm and his free hand occasionally running through your hair. You can tell he’s tired, that a book probably won’t be read tonight, so you enjoy a lazy dinner with him and talk while you can.

“I told my parents today,” Calum says and you know he’s referring to the engagement. You had kept it between yourselves for a week, wanting to spend some alone time as fiancé’s without anyone else in the mix. “My mum squealed. She actually squealed over the phone, I think Duke’s ears hurt after.”

You laugh, head tossed back into the cushions as you imagine his mom animatedly squealing through the phone. Calum’s sister Mali and Ashton already knew, had helped pick out the ring on your finger, helped to plan the day that became a second chance.

“And your dad?”

“He couldn’t believe it at first. Then I think it hit him fully and he realized it’s you and it all made sense after that.”

You go flush at his comment. His family’s love and support means worlds and worlds to you. You remember how nervous you were the first time you met them, but then how easy it was as soon as they were near. Mali had taken to you the moment you met, his mother had hugged you like you were family without question and his father held pride and happiness in his eyes as Calum introduced you as his.

“Do you think Mali would be in the wedding?” You wonder, hoping she might be your maid of honor, knowing you want her with you and that Calum would too.

“I think if she’s not you won’t have a groom to marry because she’ll kill me,” Calum laughed but turned serious around another bite of his slice of pizza.

“A groom,” you repeat in a wondrous sigh. Calum smirks. “I can’t believe you’re gonna be my groom. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you in a full fledged tux before.”

Calum’s smirk only deepens and his tone goes playful, “should it be blue or orange? How many ruffles?”

Your eyebrows shoot up but you wave him off. “Well that would be stupid. Then we’d be matching.”

He laughs and goes on a tirade asking you if he’d marry you in this or that. You always nod, say yes, and eventually tell him you’d marry him no matter what.

“Do we have anymore?” Calum asks, gesturing to the empty plate. “That pizza is so good, I would marry it,” he exclaims and it’s so easy for both of you to speak of marriage now it feels freeing and light. Before it was a topic to tiptoe around, to mention only late at night when the stars and moon disguised the future.

“Not if you marry me first,” you shoot back and point up at the counter where a few slices remain.

He grins, pats your legs before getting up to grab the last of it and settle back down with you.

“We should have it at the wedding,” he comments before a bite and just the word wedding is enough to excite you. His eagerness to mention it, to plan it even in small jests and jokes makes you realize how much he wants this and how much you want him.

“At the reception,” you say seriously and he turns to give you a curious gaze. “Nothing’s better than a party, some drinks and then pizza.”

“I knew I was marrying you for a reason. We could have it at the engagement party too.”

“Engagement party?” You question, completely unaware and feeling stuck in left field at the mention.

“You really think our friends will let us get engaged and not have some sort of party?” Calum rebuts lightly. “Ashton was planning one before I even picked out the ring.”

Calum finishes his last bite and leans back into the plush cushions of the couch, arms seeking you out to pull you against his chest. “I suppose that would be okay,” you muse, typically not one for making a spectacle. “But nothing too big or fancy, okay?”

Calum’s eyes dart from you to the ceiling and back again. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Just close friends?” You ask and bite your lip. “And family if they can come.”

“Your parents?” Calum questions timidly.

Your parents aren’t a subject you bring up much or much of presence in your life. They’ve never met Calum and to some it might be strange you’re engaged without your parents knowing your fiancé. But they’ve never worked that way. You’ve never been close and sometimes the distance hurts but you’ve had Calum and his family to make it feel better.

“Maybe…” you muse and lose yourself in thought for a moment. “Maybe we should invite them to dinner with just us first? That might be easier.”

“Whatever you want,” Calum replies and you believe his sincerity. “I’ll be right there with you,” he soothes as if he can feel the anxiety beating inside you. “We’ll get through it. Dinner, the party. And then we’ll be married.”

“Oh,” you smile. “It’s that simple? Why don’t we just elope?”

Calum shrugs. “I would if you wanted,” he says and rubs his hand up and down your arm. “Though it’d be a shame if no one else got to see how beautiful you’ll be in white.”

You blush. Still amazed he can elicit such reactions from you. “And you in your bright orange ruffled tux.”

He laughs and so do you. It doesn’t matter if you elope, if a crowd of hundreds gather, if you wear white and he wears orange. All that matters is you’ll be together. 

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