#Though queer enthusiasm is welcome any time of the year /

[circusballoon]

Hey real quick

any friends and/or mutuals should tell me days they like to be celebrated (whether that be birthdays, favorite holidays, T or E days, relationship anniversaries, divorce anniversaries, etc.--just stuff you like being acknowledged)

Let me put y'all in my calendar so I know to send a message

[oneiromania]

Welcome to oneiromania's RP blog!

♥ ABOUT ME ♥

Hi, call me Nei! I'm a 21 year old female student with just a little over a year of RP experience, though I've been writing for a lot longer than that. Ever since I got into the RP scene, I've been itching to write with others and finally let some of that brainrot escape it's fleshy prison. I try my best to be friendly and understanding, and I don't want or plan to get into any internet (and especially Tumblr) drama. I just wanna write!

I like to chat OOC when I vibe with my RP partners, and I'm prone to gushing about the characters, sending songs and playlists relevant to the RP, making Pinterest boards, sharing memes, and so on! I'd appreciate it if my partner shared the enthusiasm, but I get that that just isn't for everyone, and as long as the RP is fun and consistent, and my partner is respectful and understanding, I don't mind a more chill OOC experience.

♠ RULES ♠

Standard DNI criteria. MAPs, TERFs, racists, and other assholes, get the fuck off my blog.

You must be 18+. As I am an adult myself, I don't feel comfortable writing with minors regardless of the contents of the RP. I also prefer to write with people no older than 30.

I mainly write over Discord. I say mainly because I haven't yet decided if I'm going to make RP sideblogs for specific characters! I'll update this post if I do, but generally I don't RP outside of Discord. Additionally, I like making a private server for easier organization, and I like using Tupperbox. If you don't know what that is or how to use it, I'd be more than happy to teach you! But Tupperbox is not a must.

NO REALISTIC FCs. This might seem like a strange rule, but I simply cannot do RP when the faceclaim is a real person. This goes not only for actors, singers, and other celebrities, but really any photos of real people. You can use picrew or neka, or your own art, or even art you found on the internet. (I'm cool with using photos of real life outfits and stuff for reference, though!)

I write fandomless OC x OC, and sometimes CC x CC. I'll list my fandoms later, but generally speaking, I'm currently comfortable writing only a few canon characters.

My preferred ships are MxM and FxF, and I can also do ships with NB and genderfluid characters. I can do MxF as well, but I vastly prefer queer relationships, and I'll only do MxF if I really feel like it fits the RP. I hope you'll understand! Also: ships don't have to be romantic, I enjoy platonic and familial relationships as well, including friends, found family, and even enemies.

I write third person past and present, and I don't accept RP written in first person.

I can write anywhere from semi-lit/literate to novella. It depends on my mood and what the scene requires. Currently, I'm very busy, so I can only do shorter replies – around 2-3 short paragraphs, and likely not super detailed. Please just use good grammar.

Currently, I DON'T do NSFW. I'm comfortable with flirting and intimacy, but I prefer fading to black when it comes to sex scenes. It kind of depends on the RP and my partner if I'm willing to do more, because I need to feel comfy with writing it first!

I don't double. I know doubling means different things for different people, but however you define it, I don't do it.

My activity varies, as I am in college so sometimes life gets stressful or I get busy. I'll likely do at least 2-3 replies a week, though. At least one reply a week is what I ask from my partner.

Limits and triggers will be discussed before the RP.

Work with me when plotting! I CANNOT plot alone or figure out characters alone, if you're going into this with no plot or character ideas whatsoever, we're gonna have a difficult time figuring out what to write.

♦ WHAT DO I WRITE? ♦

I do both angst and fluff.

I like a lot of genres and settings! I have some plots in mind but I'd love to hear what you have to offer! The genres include: fantasy (high, medieval, victorian...), victorian settings, modern, sci-fi, supernatural, horror/thriller, futuristic, slice of life, and more.

I'm open to dark subject matter/whump. Since I enjoy horror, I also enjoy dark and gritty themes, as well as things that might be upsetting to explore. So long as we're both being mature about it, there shouldn't be a problem. This will, of course, be discussed in detail before we start writing.

I'm prone to making OCs on the fly or repurposing existing OCs, so even if I don't have an OC for our specific RP, I can make one in a matter of several days.

I reblog RP prompts and plots and make my own posts when I have an idea for a plot, so check out the rest of my blog and see if you like anything!

♣ FANDOMS ♣

This is a list of fandoms that I'm into! This doesn't necessarily mean I will RP characters from this fandom, instead, I'm listing them in case you're interested in RPing in the same or similar universe! I don't do CCxOC, but I do enjoy putting OCs in an existing fandom's universe, or making a world similar to that of the fandom. I also just get inspired by these fandoms, so if you look at any of these and think, "I'd love to do something inspired by this!", I think we can make some fun plots!

Fandoms which are bolded are those which I have CC characters I can RP, and I will write the characters I RP next to them

In no particular order:

Alice in Wonderland (the book, the sequel, the animated movie, Alice: Madness Returns)

Demon Slayer

Jujutsu Kaisen

Bungou Stray Dogs (have read the manga up until chapter 88) → can try my hand at a couple of characters!

Fate/Grand Order → Merlin (Caster), Jeanne d'Arc (Alter), Gudao/Gudako, probably more

Hades → Zagreus, Thanatos

Detroit: Become Human

Deep Sea Prisoner games (Mogeko Castle, Wadanohara, Gray Garden)

A Night In The Woods

Bloodborne

Soul Eater (anime)

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Arknights (not super confident writing canon characters right now, but I'd love to use the setting)

Spirited Away

Spy x Family

RPGs (Mad Father, Witch's House, Pocket Mirror, Ib, Alice Mare, LiEat I, II and III)

Honkai: Star Rail

Noragami

Death Parade

Black Butler

Tokyo Ghoul

SCP foundation

Corpse Party

Little Nightmares (1 and 2)

and more, probably!

~LINKS~

A link to the overview of my current OCs! There's a short description for each of them, and a few of them have full docs ready, while for the rest, I can explain a bit more about them if you're interested in writing with any of them.

For my plot ideas, search the tag #nei's evil thoughts!

For my writing samples, search the tag #nei's evil scriptures!

I hope to find some more RP partners on here and write some incredible stories! If you'd like to discuss RP, please reach out to me via DMs and I will send you my Discord handle! Happy writing everyone!

[stopgapped]

hello! welcome to stopgapped, my new roleplay blog. home to muses, wishlists, & advertisements. penned by bowie ( 21, they / them ) & currently searching. guidelines below the cut.

first and foremost, welcome to the blog! i'm here to search for some roleplay partners! i have all of my information and guidelines below, so if you're interested in any advertisement or post i've made, please read these before reaching out. thank you!

001. i am a literate / novella roleplayer and can write anywhere from 700 to 2,000 words. i tend to write a lot. i would prefer having a partner who can somewhat match length, being able to write at least 500+ words. i'm not policing this by any means, but i love getting inside of characters' heads and feel i can do that so much better through longer replies!

002. i will only roleplay with people 18 years or older. minors dni under any circumstances.

003. i don't have any triggers and i'm a bit of an angst whore. i love anything dark, gritty, and whumpy - let's put our characters through the wringer and see how they fare with a touch of hurt/comfort <3 of course, this doesn't mean i don't want fluffy and/or fun moments, i just really prefer exploring the darker side of the human experience and would love a partner who is also interested in that. with that being said, character-driven roleplays are my bread and butter!

004. i write in third person only and have a preference for past tense, but i'm not going to turn you away if you prefer writing in the present tense. i usually mirror the length and formatting of my partner's replies as well!

005. i dabble in all kinds of pairings, but my main one will always be mxm. almost all of my characters are queer and it's something i adore exploring!

006. ooc chatter is as important to me as the roleplay itself, if not more important! i want to become friends with my partner and be able to gush about our characters, create pinterest boards and aesthetics and playlists, all of that jazz. i want to hear all about your characters, paragraphs of details are always appreciated. i really would love a partner who shares equal enthusiasm about what we write and create.

007. i'm completely open to writing with ocs or canon characters ( if not otherwise stated in my ads ), and if i'm not sure who your canon character is, feel free to explain them and their lore to me! i see it the same as anyone describing their oc, and i most often dabble in writing canons anyway.

008. i'm a pretty busy person and sometimes i can run into the occasional creative slump, but i'll still be active ooc even if it takes me a bit to respond to our roleplay. if you're someone who needs rapid fire responses, i'm probably not the person for you. on my side, i'm always patient and can wait however long for a response! days, months, years. whatever. take your time, this is a fun hobby and i don't see the point in rushing art!

009. i'm cool with smut, but it's not a must and we can always fade to black if you're uncomfortable with that kind of thing. if you want a smut heavy plot, though, please look elsewhere.

010. triggering and dark themes can and will be present in pretty much all of my roleplays, simply because i enjoy exploring them and seeing how they affect my character(s). specific triggers will be placed in each ad, but note that the most common triggers that'll crop up are child abuse, suicidal thoughts, and depression.

that's about it, thanks so much for reading!

[three--rings]

Havencon Weekend Report

So, I had an absolute blast this weekend.

On the most shallow end, it was my first real con in freaking years, and just being back in a con environment is a little like coming home.  And then it’s the first time I’ve spent any significant amount of time in explicitly queer space for over a decade.  And then finally, meeting up with a group of online fandom friends (members of the Renegade bindery) was another kind of feeling at home.

Havencon itself is a small but very comfortable con with immaculate vibes.  Like honestly from moment one of arriving at the hotel I was like, ah yes, the colored hair and queer outfits, I’m among family.  That’s honestly a big deal for me, as a fairly straight-presenting femme-presenting cis female bisexual in a 20 year marriage to a man.   I have not always felt welcome in queer spaces in my life, but at the same time those are the spaces I DO feel most comfortable.  Those are the spaces I sought out as soon as I turned 18 and where all my closest friends are/belong.

But my normal social life is more mainstream nerd oriented. Occasionally I’m jarringly reminded I’m Among The Straights.

Anyway, just, these are the thoughts this weekend inspired in me, among many.

I went to a handful of panels, mostly writing-oriented ones.  Some were more fruitful and interesting than others, and I think there’s something lacking about a panelist interview format for getting into actual writing tips/advice.  But I’ve always wanted the nitty gritty workshop style panels myself.

It was cool getting to hear Patrick Weekes and their partner Karen Weekes from Bioware talk, since I’m such a huge Dragon Age nerd. Besides the occasional anecdote about writing past games, there’s nothing really to report other than they certainly sounded optimistic about DA4 with Patrick being lead writer.  And knowing we have a nonbinary lead writer for the game is...yeah, it’s a thing that makes me hopeful.  Patrick certainly talked about EA as nothing but supportive of diverse inclusion.  Though there was also a lot of talk about budget limitations, so, yeah.

But most of my weekend was talking bookbinding and fanbinding with both my fellow bindery peeps and to others who attended our panels. Lots of enthusiasm for the concept and new discord members.  And I got to see (and fondle) everyone's gorgeous books and feel inadequate in comparison.   I also learned so much just from chatting and have a list of techniques to try out as soon as I can get some more typesetting done.  (New tools to play with include hair dryer and electric sander...)

Oh and Saturday night I went to the Rocky Horror showing with everyone and that was such a trip.  It’s been over 20 years since my last live show of RHPS and yanno, things have changed (and others haven’t.)  It’s also personally bizarre because RHPS was a hyperfixation of mine when I was 16-17 so revisiting it with time and perspective is just...something.  A lot of our group hadn’t seen it and when asked to summarize it, I called it “cutting edge queerness for the 1970s.”  No, lots of it didn’t age well, but also...there’s still SOMETHING about it.  I will say the shadowcast was very gender and size inclusive and quite funny.

And then Sunday night we got to go to the Austin Book Arts Center which is my new favorite place.  So many amazing machines and tools and supplies.  And the supplies are all so cheap!  I’m hoping to be able to take some classes there at some point though probably not for a while. 

Anyway, I have needy cats to hold and a bag to unpack and mostly a back to rest, but it was totally worth it.

[passionate-reply]

This week on Great Albums: one of my favourite “hidden gems” of the mid-1980s, Blancmange’s *Mange Tout* is about as extra and in-your-face as it gets, full of dense arrangements, gender-bending bombast, and musical instruments from Southern Asia.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! This time around, I’ll be taking a look at one of my favourite hidden gems from the mid-1980s, the sophomore LP of Blancmange, entitled Mange Tout.

Despite their relative obscurity today, particularly in comparison to many of their contemporaries, Blancmange weren’t total strangers to the pop charts. Their first full-length LP, 1982’s Happy Families, would yield the biggest hit of their career: “Living on the Ceiling,” which peaked at #7.

Music: “Living on the Ceiling”

While it never got to be a chart-topper, “Living on the Ceiling” is still an unforgettable track in its own ways. Perhaps its most distinctive feature is its use of the traditional Indian instruments, the sitar and tabla. While 80s synth-pop is certainly full of Orientalism, most of the references you’ll find are pointing to the Far East, and the perceived aesthetic sophistication and techno-utopian futurism of China and Japan. Aside from certain works of Bill Nelson, Blancmange were pretty much the only ones engaging with South Asian musical themes. Blancmange’s instrumentalist, Stephen Luscombe, grew up in London’s Southall neighbourhood, which had a high population of immigrants from Southern Asia, which led him to a lifelong interest in Indian music. Combined with electronics, it makes for a totally unique sound, which ends up sounding better in practice than it might in theory.

While any time White European musicians turn to alternative cultures as artistic tools, there’s a valid cause for some degree of criticism and concern, there’s also an artsy, left-field un-hipness about Blancmange, who seemingly drew from Indian music not only alone, but purely for sonic enjoyment. Unlike the exotic fantasies spun by groups like Japan, none of Blancmange’s songs seem propelled by any specific idea or ideology about India, but rather seem to tackle common pop themes of love and heartbreak against a seemingly *non sequitur* musical backdrop. While we, as listeners, might have strong associations with particular sounds, this is ultimately more cultural than innate, and there’s really no reason why a composition with Indian instruments must revolve around some theme of “Indian-ness”; it isn’t like people in India don’t also fall in love. However you feel about these influences, the role of Indian instruments is only increased on Mange Tout, where they appear on multiple tracks, including the album’s most successful single, “Don’t Tel Me.”

Music: “Don’t Tell Me”

On Mange Tout tracks like “Don’t Tell Me,” not only do the instruments return, but so do the session musicians who had performed on “Living on the Ceiling”: Deepak Khazanchi, on sitar, and Pandit Dinesh, on the percussion instruments tabla and madal. “Don’t Tell Me” is a track with a lot of pop appeal, lightweight and singable, which makes it a bit surprising that it was actually the final single released from the album. It certainly impresses me that Blancmange managed to create such bubbly and finely tuned pop, given that neither of their core members came from any formal or technical background: Luscombe had had a history in avant-garde music ensembles, and vocalist Neil Arthur became interested in music via the DIY culture of punk. Their first-ever release, the 1980 EP Irene & Mavis, sounds more like Throbbing Gristle than Culture Club, but they somehow managed to arrive at something quite sweet and palatable in the end. That said, it’s also possible for sweet to eventually become too sweet--and this line is provoked on the album’s divisive second single, “That’s Love, That It Is.”

Music: “That’s Love, That It Is”

In contrast to the lighter “Don’t Tell Me,” “That’s Love, That It Is” is utterly bombastic, with a vicious intensity. The instrumentation and production style is dense to the point of being borderline overwhelming. By this point in his life, Stephen Luscombe had recently discovered that he was gay, and his time spent in nightclubs that catered to the gay community provided another pillar of Blancmange’s signature sound: the influence of the queer disco tradition, which is almost certainly the source of this tightly-packed instrumental arrangement style. Blancmange never seem to be mentioned in the same breath as other stars of queer synth-pop like Bronski Beat, Soft Cell, and the Pet Shop Boys, presumably due to the combination of their overall obscurity and the fact that Luscombe was never the face of their band, but I see no reason not to include them in the same pantheon of camp. Speaking of queerness, it’s also worth noting how Blancmange played with gender, particularly on their cover of “The Day Before You Came.”

Music: “The Day Before You Came”

A solid eight years before Erasure’s iconic Abba-Esque, Blancmange offered their own interpretation of an ABBA classic with “The Day Before You Came.” In their hands, it’s a languid dirge, and a meditation on quotidian miseries for which the titular event seems to offer little respite. The unchanged lyrics, portraying the narrator working in an office and watching soap operas at night, are subtly feminine-coded, but the deep and unmistakably masculine voice of vocalist Neil Arthur seems to muddle those connotations. While it is a cover, I’m tempted to sort it into the same tradition as Soft Cell’s “Bedsitter” and the Pet Shop Boys’ “Left To My Own Devices,” as a work which musically elevates the everyday life of a campily self-obsessed character to the sort of melodrama the narrator perceives it to have.

I’ve spent a lot of time praising the instrumental side of their music so far, but it’s also true that Blancmange wouldn’t be Blancmange without Arthur’s contributions. The presence of his rough and untrained voice, with the added gruffness of a Northern accent, draws a line between these tracks and a typical pop production, and he sells us quite successfully on the gloomy, ominous feeling of tracks like “The Day Before You Came” and the album’s lead single, “Blind Vision.”

Music: “Blind Vision”

On the cover of Mange Tout, we find an assortment of seemingly unrelated items, which form a sort of graphic wunderkammer against a pale beige backdrop. Perhaps the best theme that could be assigned to them is that of travel--we see several means of transportation, such as a boat, a motorbike, and an airplane flying above a map, as well as items that can be taken as symbols of exotic locales, such as a North American cactus, and an elephant and Zulu nguni shield from Africa. Only the harp is clearly evocative of music itself--and this instrument won’t even be found on the album! The album’s title, “Mange Tout,” suggests that we are getting “full” Blancmange, or “all of” Blancmange. Taken together, the cover and title seem to imply that this album is stuffed to the brim, and contains a whole world of musical ideas. I would definitely agree that that’s a major motif of the album: it’s audacious, explosive, and free-wheeling. It very much feels like an album that was put together on the back of a first initial success, with a pumped-up budget and bold creative vision, and hence pulls no punches. Perhaps the most compelling feature of Mange Tout, and the primary reason I recommend this album so highly, is its unbridled enthusiasm for what it’s doing. Even in its ostensibly experimental moments, Mange Tout feels not like an album that is “trying” something, but rather one that boldly and assuredly proclaims the things it does, and embraces a kind of “more is more” maximalism.

In hindsight, it’s easy to see Mange Tout as the creative as well as commercial peak of Blancmange’s career. Their follow-up release, 1985’s Believe You Me, is far from the worst album I’ve ever heard, but it definitely doesn’t feel quite the same as the “classic” Blancmange works, adopting a more middle-of-the-road, radio-friendly synth-pop direction, with less of the South Asian influences and experimentation that really set them apart in the saturated synth-pop landscape. While not a work devoid of merit, Believe You Me was a relative commercial dud, and the duo would split soon after, chiefly citing personal and creative differences--though they did have a brief reunion in the early 2010s.

Music: “Lose Your Love”

My favourite track on Mange Tout is “All Things Are Nice,” which, alongside the neo-doo-wop “See the Train,” would be classed as one of the more experimental tracks on the album. Full of tension, “All Things Are Nice” alternates between eerily whispering vocals from Arthur, and a variety of samples from other media--which was still a relatively cutting-edge technique for the time. “All Things Are Nice” is almost certainly the most conceptual track on the album: as samples discuss world war, and Arthur whispers that “we can’t keep up with it,” the song is probably to be interpreted as a commentary on the runaway nature of technology and so-called “progress” in the modern age. The titular assertion that “all things are nice” seems to be ironic--or perhaps it embodies a sheer love of chaos and unpredictability, for their own sake, which would certainly fit the album’s mood. It also feels like it might be a sort of defense of the album itself: like I said, *Mange Tout* is serving us “all of Blancmange,” and isn’t it fun to get to have all of something? That’s everything for today--as always, thanks for listening!

Music: “All Things Are Nice”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

The Video

Alrighty, so as promised, I listened-slash-watched-slash-backtracked the video over making and eating dinner, with a break in between to take a phone call from my sister, so I may have missed and misunderstood/misheard a few things and may need another rewatch to fix any presumptions I make in this mini (?)-review.

Two things I do need to correct from my last post:

One is that I actually was sent the video to pre-watch before it was posted; I found it in my emails two days later but because I was swamped with day job stuff (as in I was working until 11 PM both days, and I didn’t even sit down until 4 on Saturday), and my fandom email is NOT a primary address so it’s not hooked up to my main Mail server on my MacBook (limited space), I hadn’t checked my emails since Thursday afternoon. So yeah, technically I should’ve known it was out, so apologies: technically I knew it was coming out; my sorry arse just didn’t check my emails.

Second, is that meta I did send her did get referenced and used; some of it word for word (like the discussion about the difference between Johnlockers and TJLC) so meta was read, my bad on assuming it wasn’t before watching.

C’est ça on that front.

A few things that ruffled my feathers and maybe I misheard, but I’ll mention them as I remember it:

I did find it slightly bothersome that the assumption was that Johnlockers that we were a bunch of teenagers (we weren’t – most of the people I talked to were in their 20′s and 30′s and many were academics of varying sorts). SZ was younger than many of us in our little corner of the fandom, I think, and it was filled with amazing meta and university-level papers on queer history, ACD canon history, subtextual writing and literature.  EDIT: I did skim back over to a bit of the beginning since I missed it over making dinner, and I guess a lot of the people who contacted SZ were teens at the time of the airdate, so again, my little bubble and all that and apologies for assuming. :P

This is a totally biased view and probably indicative of how deep down the rabbit hole I was: A bit annoyed at the implication in our belief that Mofftiss weren’t trying to deliberately imply the Gay Sherlock / BiJohn thing especially paying special attention to it during Q&As and meet and greets and interviews; That the cues weren’t there. Though she did point out the queerbaiting aspect of it. I don’t know. Maybe I misunderstood since I was stuffing my gob with pasta and wishing I had a cheesecake.

I think SZ should’ve worded her Twitter callout post a LOT better, because the cons were only mentioned for about 10 minutes, and in only in relation to the drama. She did praise the cons as a positive experience for people, so I’ll give her that.

The Twitter stuff pre-vid-posting still rubs me the wrong way.

Still feel that selling the shirts is tasteless. Mug is cute, though.

Things I did find interesting / good / stuff I didn’t know:

I know I’m a minority in this regard, especially since I am a fence sitter, but I feel... relieved? sorry I can’t think of the word... that SZ essentially did accuse Mofftiss of queerbaiting by the end of it – that it’s not just us who see it. I’ve always said without an S5, it IS queerbaiting, and given that S5 probably won’t happen anytime soon... well. Like I’ve said in the past, I hold out a glimmer of hope. Not holding my breath though.

The mentions of some of the fandom theories and speculations were done tastefully, light jesting but not mocking them.

The discussion section about AA / Mary... Yikes. I forgot it got THAT bad.... I guess because I was always in the “Mary’s a kickass villain” camp so I was blissfully ignorant about that stuff until a few years later. 

The ace stuff, 100% true, and I’m glad it was brought up.

The term “Ragnalock” got a chuckle out of me, will admit that. First time I’ve heard of it.

I had no idea the ARG theory was anything more than thelostspecial website. Somehow I missed that whole thing about it being part of the series itself.

And, a lot of things, in hindsight: just an overall, “yeah. :|”

And some additional notes I can’t really classify one way or another:

Cringing at MYSELF because of some of the post-S4 theories that, looking back: oof. Apple Tree Yard specifically. 

AND cringing at myself because I know I perpetuated a lot of the “IT WILL HAPPEN” in my corner of the fandom pre-S4 because I wanted people to be excited for a new season. For that I am very sorry to everyone who were hurt by my belief. S4 was a brick wall and I hit it hard, thought I do enjoy theorizing about how fake it was. It’s the only way to cope for me, LOL.

Ooof the drama stuff, a lot of it I didn’t know the entire deets about, only about the PPG being involved. I tried to stay out of it when I could and focused mainly on meta writing, my own healing processes, and making people feel welcome. It’s what a few bigger bloggers did for me when I joined by interacting with my posts and offering their kindness, and I wanted to return the favour. Inevitable it had to be covered, but yeah, dark times.

LOOOOOOOL the critique about TFP. Literally stuff that we’ve talked about in our “something’s fucky” tag. 

And to address the elephant in the room: Yes, I DID give SZ meta, but it was the link to fandom meta that is essentially on the header of my blog on desktop, just as I do with anyone interested in the fandom.

Overall, it was a thought provoking vid, a bit of a nostalgia hit to be honest. I thought that it was a good video, interesting in that strange way where you relive strange moments of your past. I feel it was a fair analysis of the fandom, but please, please remember: I can’t speak for those directly involved in the events mentioned, because I WAS NOT THERE. Not my place to disregard their feelings if they have a different opinion than I. 

That said, I think it’s worth a watch if only to see what the fandom WAS. But it’s informative and respectful, I think. Though, I think she could’ve left out the bit at the end just before the credits.

And finally: to anyone who are coming here from the vid: I have been here since S3, joined because of LSiT, and later I wrote villain Mary meta and TAB meta. These days, I primarily have focussed my attentions on curating content, offering my advice on stuff, introducing newbies to the series, and trying to spread positivity, all peppered in with the random theory from time to time, and trying to atone for my... “enthusiasm”?... in the past. I like promoting community and open discussion from all viewpoints, as long as it remains respectful. So yeah, I do have some meta you can check out, just let me know what you’re looking for, and I do lots of fic recs, so if you’re looking for something, hit me up.

Cheers, all. I’m going to bed. 

[zeawesomebirdie]

Heeyy I'm back! I 100% agree with you in the past few days I've spent so much time with a new widow and like 20 wookieepedia articles open just going on search-tangents, it's so fun! Like the SW universe just... Never stops? You can just want to look up someone's dob and 2 hours later you're realising Tatooiine is in the Arkanis sector and Arkanis is right next to it and so is Geonosis apparently?? Still haven't come back from that one. But yeah I totally get the enthusiasm. And the HC about dates is actually good, especially for my poor brain who's having a hard time with all the stuff that's not explained haha

Mainly I just wanted to say I watched the prequels in a night and the next afternoon and it was very fun! (because for once I hadn't heard every nitpick and criticism possible on the movies :') apart from like, Hayden Christensen's acting) But I wanted to let you know, I had Obikin in mind all throughout the movies and... Yeah. Yeeaah. Yep yep yep. Love it. I started the second Aftermath book but partway I got distracted and went looking for fics :')) So far I've read a few and it's super fun because it differs from my other ships on a few things and I like the change for once :') If there are any fics you think are super good or you want to talk about, feel free to recommend them! (Also real question: do people use Ani-Wan? Cause I think that's a good name too but I just pulled it out of my ass soo...)

- ☂️

Hey there Anon ☂️! I know im the one who got you onto this wookiepedia deep dive but did you say Tatooine was in the Arkanis sector???? Thats crazy???? Especially if you're coming at the GFFA from an interest in the sequels but then learning about the prequels and-

Okay so before I get too excited, I'm so glad you're enjoying these little tangents! This is why its taken me the last nine months to even attempt to zero draft any SW canon-compliant fic, I keep getting sidetracked by a million little details and then I stop writing to research 😅 but really, the same sector and everything??!! Im gonna have to look into this omg this changes so so much about the kylux dynamic if they know this

And welcome to the prequel fanclub! I have to admit the prequels are my favorite trilogy, though that may be because im very queer and I project onto Obi-Wan a lot lmao! RotS is genuinely my favorite movie of all time and has been since I first saw it at like 10 years old, and I'm always so excited when people get to experience it without the notion that they suck! Like sure its bad 2000's acting but also its beautiful and the way everything just goes together and ahh I love these movies so much, there's a reason im mainly a prequels blog!

Oh and yeah you're right about watching them with obikin in mind! Prior to watching them this year I hadn't seen them in a good 6 or 7 years so everything i was getting for the ship was from fandom, and then when I managed to move back to my parents I finally watched the movies again and it was so amazing to see them with this new lense! And omg they're just so cute together? As the Stover novelization says, "They're a team. They're the team. And both of them are sure they always will be." And you know what that quote smacks me across the face because its so fucking true, they love each other so completely but the story just has to go on and ahhhhh

So now i have to admit im bad and haven't read a whole lot of fic for any ship in a long while 😅 reading is just hard for me, im unmedicated adhd so I tend to not read if I can get away with it but if you want my recs, I will always handsdown recommend the Matthew Stover RotS novelization, while not a fic its pure obikin for like 300 pages and its considered a canon novel which. Canon obikin? Yes please! I also like these fics:

you were the crash (i was the car) by zombiekatherine (rated M, please mind the tags)

and i think of all those little things (that you and i can do) by monamoure (rated M, please mind the tags)

Both of these are absolutely amazing! Short, but again im super adhd and not medicated whatsoever so sitting and reading anything over 10k isn't happening unless its my own fic (and even then it doesn't always happen lmao)

Now onto your last point: the only ship names I've seen for obikin are obikin (obv lol) and aniobi? There's also ships with both of them plus a third such as quiobiani (Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan/Anakin) and obianidala (Obi-Wan/Anakin/Padmé), and im sure there's others but im blanking on what they're called atm but honestly im sure people will get what you mean regardless of what tag you use! I say this as someone who very rarely tags posts lmao, sorry I cant be more helpful!

And side note, if you want some more deep diving and random info that isn't considered canon but is actually in Legends, I highly recommend the book Darth Plagueis by James Luceno. Its obv about Plagueis yes, but it talks pretty extensively about midichlorians and the research Plagueis was doing on Aborah in an attempt to prolong his life (and of course then you can say you have in fact heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise). I fully intend on reading more Legends books, in fact I have Master & Apprentice by Claudia Grey sitting next to me rn but I havent taken the time to read it yet (if you're unfamiliar, its the #1 "canon" quiobi novel!)

Okay now that I've rambled at length, I hope you're having a great day!! Enjoy this newfound knowledge!!

[avalance-blackhill-shipper]

Day 1: Pride Parade

Blackhill and Avalance

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Natasha: The first Pride Parade that Natasha attended was with the Avengers. Before Avengers, she and Clint would make plans for Pride but never got the time to actually attend one. There was always something, sometimes missions, or one of them being injured or suspended.

Natasha loves Pride. She loves the fact that Tony manages to be an absolute Bi Mood and Steve always protects the younger members from the protesters. She loves to be an example for young girls who look up to her both as a superhero and as a powerful outspoken queer woman. She feels like she can finally express herself and not be condemned for it.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Maria: Maria's first Pride was one she attended in high school. She skipped school and went alone, lying low and not bring any attention to herself. She didn't tell anyone about being a lesbian till her time in SHIELD. Rumor has it that Fury took her to a Pride Parade in DC wearing a shirt saying "I ❤️ my lesbian daughter". Both neither confirm nor deny the story.

After the downfall of SHIELD, she attends Pride with the Avengers. She stays close to Natasha and watches as the Avengers embarrass themselves. She likes how the circumstances have changed since the first time and she isn't afraid and alone anymore.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Sara: Sara has been to many Pride Parades in time with the legends. Her first one though, was in college. She had come out to Laurel earlier that year and the sisters went together. Sara looks back at the memory fondly.

The legends have seen many Pride Parades across history, including the very first one. Sara knows she cannot change the course of history, but she has watched the struggle the people have gone through in the past, and some that still do in the present. She lets these people inspire her, drive her to be the biggest Fuck You to all the homophobes she meets.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Ava: Ava hadn't been to any Pride Parades before meeting the legends, not really. She has fake memories of going to one in college with some friends, but those memories aren't real. The first Pride she attends is with Sara and the rest of the Legends.

Ava is really not prepared for the amount of enthusiasm aand chaos. She doesn't expect anything else from the legends, but it's still a bit overwhelming. The legends are all wearing pride capes, t shirts and other merch. She lets Sara paint a rainbow on her left cheek and the lesbian pride flag on the right. She's surprised by the warm welcome she gets and the kind of enthusiasm in the people. Right then, standing beside Sara, watching the colorful atmosphere around her, she feels accepted.

[wickedlyqueer]

Wherever the wind may carry us

Nearing their graduation at Shiz, Glinda prepares for her final event as president of the university’s LGBT+ Network. Completely unaware that Elphaba has a surprise for her planned...

(Final one-shot in the Dutch High School Universe. Can be read separately).

READ ON AO3

Glinda woke up to the smell of freshly baked bread in the oven. It had only been a couple of months since she and Elphaba had found an affordable apartment, but the long wait had been worth it—no matter how many times her old roommates had set off the fire alarm. Not that Glinda had exactly deserved a ‘best roommate award’, being the girl who always had her partner over and was prone to leave her pile of dishes out for days.

But none of that mattered anymore. After a year long search they finally managed to snatch an one-bedroom apartment in the centre of Shiz. It was all they could afford for now, and though the space was a bit crammed, Glinda thought it suitable. They were just starting out after all! Only last week had Glinda gotten her final grade for her thesis and officially gotten enough credit to graduate. Meanwhile, Elphaba had been accepted as a PhD candidate at the university and would be working alongside researchers like Dr. Dillamond. Glinda had never seen them beaming as much as when they received the news.

A soft knock came from the door and Elphaba peeked their head around. “Oh good, you’re awake. Breakfast’s ready.”

“I noticed,” Glinda smiled and nestled deeper into her blankets. “Hmm, so is there a special occassion or am I just lucky?”

“Well, it’s your last day as president. I thought you deserved something nice,” Elphaba said and crouched down next to her to give her a kiss. “Morning, by the way. Did you sleep well?”

“I did. You?”

“Oh you know me,” Elphaba said as they played with Glinda’s messy and curly hair. “I fall asleep at three and wake up at seven and somehow that’s enough fuel for me to get through the day.”

“How you do it is beyond me.”

Elphaba chuckled. “Well, if you’re ready to leave your comfortable cocoon, I made us a fancy breakfast. Got freshly squeezed orange juice and warm, tiny breads waiting for you.”

“Oz, that sounds good. I’ll be there in a few, okay?”

After Elphaba left the room she checked her messages on her phone and then put on her slippers and Elphaba’s comfortable sweater that was too big for her. In the kitchen, Elphaba was still prepping some food.

“Need help?”

“Nah, I got it.”

“Probably for the best,” Glinda joked and Elphaba let out a laugh. It was no secret that her cooking skills were abysmal.

A bit of free counter space was left and Glinda decided to hop on it. Elphaba was rolling up slices of cheese and put them on a plate and added a cut stem of parsley as decoration.

“Oh, it’s a fancy fancy breakfast. You’re really going out of your way here.”

Elphaba looked up to her and smiled. “Anything for my girl. I actually thought I’d pamper you this entire day, since it's the closing of a big chapter.”

“That’s true.”

Though her initial hesitation stopped her from going to any LGBT+ meetings the first semester at Shiz, after her gender reassignment surgery, Elphaba had persuaded her to go to one of their lectures about the differences in trans identities across the globe. It had been so fascinating that Glinda kept going to every lecture or borrel she could attend. In her second year, she became part of the board and was in charge of organizing the events. She continued this during her final year of her bachelor, and when applying for a master’s programme, she got asked to become president.

“I can’t believe this is my final day with the Network.”

“Hey.” Elphaba stopped what they were doing and placed their hand against her cheek. “Don’t forget the amount of good you’ve put into the world. You created this welcoming space for every queer person on campus. You’ll go down in the books as a great president.”

“And the first trans woman,” Glinda was quick to add.

“That too,” Elphaba grinned and went back to cutting little cubes of cheese. “Oz, can you even imagine what high school Glinda would think of you?”

“She’d freak out and run back into the closet.”

Elphaba laughed. “Oh yeah, she would. You used to be so terrified of coming out and look at you now. Here, try this,” they said and fed her a cube of cheese.

“Hm, this is good.”

“Yeah? It’s added with buttermilk and some cumin seeds.”

“Nice. Also, what was that about pampering me all day?”

A dark blush spread across their cheeks and Elphaba busied themself with whatever was on the cutting board. “Well, I thought we ought to celebrate today. So after the meeting I reserved us a table at Peach and Kidney’s. Maybe go for a walk afterwards, watch the sun go down at that little park you like.”

Glinda was touched. “Really? That’s so sweet!”

“I thought so too. This day is all about you. I still need to go to the lab for a bit, but I should be in time for the event.”

“Dr. Dillamond called you in?”

“Yeah, he messaged me if I could come down for an hour or two.” Their eyes glazed, but it was for such a brief moment, Glinda thought she must have imagined it.

“As long as you can make it to my final event as president. I may or may not mention you in my goodbye speech.”

Elphaba smirked. “Uh oh. Should I be scared?”

Glinda hoped off the counter and drabbed her arms around their neck. She left a lingering kiss on their lips. “Never.”

--

That afternoon, Elphaba sprinted into the humanities faculty building, out of breath. They located the lecture hall where the event would take place and saw the doors were still open.

“Oh, thank Oz,” they breathed out heavily. They promised Glinda to meet her beforehand and almost didn’t make it in time. The lecture hall was already packed and a few students were still searching for a seat. Next to the lectern, Glinda was in light conversation with the vice president of the LGBT+ Network. Elphaba took two flight of steps at a time as they rushed down the stairs. Before they were down, Glinda had already spotted them and let out a sigh of relieve.

“Hey,” Elphaba said and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Sorry I’m late.”

“That’s okay, we’re running a bit late ourselves. You got hold up at the lab?”

“I did, yes,” they agreed, knowing they wouldn’t come up with a more convincing lie themself.

“Okay, well, you better go grab a seat. I don’t think many more will be coming.”

Elphaba nodded. “Sure, and hey—you got this.”

“Thanks babe,” Glinda smiled.

They quickly took a seat in the second row and nervously patted their pocket to feel if it was still there. Not long after, the doors closed and the room quieted down as Glinda stepped towards the lectern.

“Thank you all for coming to our last event of this school year. Before I’ll introduce our guest speaker for today, I’d like to take a moment to say a few words. As some of you may know, this will be my last day as president of the LGBT+ Network. After this event, Jeremy will take my place, and I’m certain he’ll be able to lead this wonderful network with much care and great enthusiasm.”

She looked away from her notes and gave Jeremy a smile. “Upon meeting me, most people have reacted surprised that I am president of the LGBT+ Network. As a trans woman, I cannot help but feel flattered by this. It means I pass, it means I can live my life unnoticed,” Glinda took a breath. “But I’ve learnt more than once that this right of passing can be stripped away from you the moment people find out. This is how I got taught to hide myself and be quiet. I never took pride in my identity. It felt like a dirty secret. I was a dirty secret.”

Her gaze fell upon Elphaba and a soft smile tugged at her lips. “If not for my rock, my datemate Elphaba, I would still feel the need to hide. If they had not pushed me to go to one of these events in my first year, I would not be standing here in front of you. They taught me that, yes, queer acceptance still has a long way to go. But that spaces such as these help us be ourselves. And they were right, because it helped me become myself.”

Her voice started to crack, and Glinda paused for a moment before pushing through. “So to Elphaba, to all the wonderful board members of this network, and to each and every person who has come to these events, I want to thank you for creating this safe space for me. I hope in my two years as president, I have been able to return that favour.”

Applause rung through the audience. Elphaba whooped in support and Glinda’s cheeks coloured with embarrassment. Not that she minded, Elphaba knew that too. And why wouldn't they show how proud they are of her? If Glinda could make them turn into a pile of mush, then the least they could do was do the same for her.

“Okay, sentimental stuff out of the way,” Glinda laughed nervously as the applause died down. She switched to a different piece of paper. “Now, it is my absolutely honour to introduce professor Wertl who visits us from Qhoyre University. Her research in…”

Everything but Glinda faded to the background. It took all of Elphaba's willpower not to jump out of their seat and declare the love that was bursting out of them right in front of all these people. They dug their hand in their pocket and smiled as they felt the little box against their hand. A chapter would be closing today, that much was certain, but Elphaba was not done with their story yet.

Dr. Dillamond hadn’t asked them to come to the lab at all. Elphaba had to come up with a white lie, so they could run across town and pick up the ring they’d chosen out for Glinda weeks ago. Tonight, as they’d sit at a park bench while the sun would be dipping under the horizon, they’d ask the question they always knew they’d ask one day.

Nearly five years ago, they had been sitting on a different bench and told her they could not imagine spending the rest of their life without her. Those words had stuck true all these years through college, and now, at the verge of a brand new adventure, it was time to commit to that promise.

Life had thrown its fair share of curveballs at Elphaba, and they were sure many more were to come. But they knew they’d be strong enough to smash them right back with Glinda on their team. Nothing in life had been easier than loving Glinda. And with the ring hiding in their pocket, Elphaba would ask her if they could continue to love her. Today, and for the rest of their life.

[pumpkins-s]

(1/2) Hi! I just came here from SLAOS to say that your story is so, so awesome and I saw that part of your trouble with continuing is the association with VLD. Have you ever thought about turning it into something original? It might sound daunting if you've never done that before, but it's not that bad - it's something I've done a few times (though I've never written anything as good as SLAOS!). I could even help you, if you have an outline or something?

Hey!! Thank you for this Ask--it’s always a little startling but so nice to get these occasional reminders people still read (and reread) and enjoy SLAOS. The enthusiasm for this fic has always bowled me over and even years on continues to do so.

In answer to your actual question...I’m afraid my answer might get a little complicated, so forgive me for that, but it opens the door for a lot of things I have previously and continue to think about in regards to SLAOS, and in such a direct context I can’t help but address them.

This might get a little lengthy, so for sanity’s sake, I’ve put it under a cut.

I’ve certainly thought in the past about reworking SLAOS into something original. And writing original work on its face isn’t necessarily something I’m concerned about. I’m an MFA in Writing student. I do that.

I do have concerns regarding SLAOS specifically, though, that make me very hesitant to ever consider adapting it to an original work without significant changes. These are very separate from my original problems with VLD and its fandom nightmares. It’s true that the main, original, reason I stopped working on SLAOS is because of VLD. However, since then, my reasons for not finishing this fic have changed somewhat. I’ve had enough time away from VLD that I think I am capable of going “fuck canon, my city now,” and finishing this fic purely out of love for it, my characters, and the dedicated fans it has. As I’ve always said, the utter love people have for this fic has always moved me--it has helped me heal in many ways I cannot begin to explain and further encouraged me to pursue my dreams of being an original novelist. 

So, my main issue here is not about VLD and its bullshit. There’s a number of other factors influencing my considerations on finishing this fic, such as time and what fics I should prioritize, but I wouldn’t say even any of these are a deciding factor on finishing SLAOS.

For me, it’s a question on whether it is a smart, prudent, or even ethical decision to make in finishing SLAOS. 

Let me say this: I love SLAOS. I love it with my whole heart. Lance and his family kept me company in very dark times, and a lot of it came from very personal places about my own gender struggles, family conflicts, and struggles to find places I belonged. 

But I often question as to whether I should have ever written SLAOS.

Certainly, as a 21yr old, I do not think it is a fic I would start now. But I was 17 at the time, and my perspectives and the amount of forethought I put into my work have changed. 

When I started SLAOS, I had very little plans going in. I loved Lance, I loved angst, I have a known propensity in my work for family drama and death, and I wanted to write Lance the kind of complex, perhaps sometimes tragic backstory I felt he deserved as much as, say, Keith or Pidge, who got that in canon. So, I crafted a tale about a youngest child raised largely by his sister, who is gender nonconforming and free spirited, and who then loses his sister and must learn to live in a world without her--and without his childhood innocence. He grows up, he learns when he must conform to achieve his goals and when he will stand his ground, he learns about the complications in his own family he didn’t see when he was younger, he forms new relationships and tries to work through a grief that never leaves him. 

On the surface, I don’t think any of this is bad. In fact, it sounds like a pretty good story to read or to write. Continuing on, though, the complications form. 

I’m not cuban or cuban-american, and I’m not latinx, and Lance and his family are. I am nonbinary, queer, half-jewish, and the child of immigrants, and all of that absolutely influenced the writing of SLAOS when digging into my personal and family history (even Lance being a youngest child raised primarily by an older sister was inspired by my own grandfather--who was the youngest of 10 children and was raised by his sister)--as too did my childhood in a largely-latinx area of Southern California, and the latinx friends I had and have, influence the story. A lot of it came from very real places experienced, felt, and seen--and what was pure fiction was just that. Innocent fiction written out of improvisation and love for that character.

However, in making Lance and his family less economically-stable, and similar things in the story, I perhaps inevitably wrote into stereotypes about latinx families I’m now more cognizant of. These may be stereotypes that come from many realities, and from many people I have known, but that doesn’t deny they’re stereotypes. Writing a stereotype is not inherently a bad thing, of course, but it does become more sticky when you’re not of that exact minority demographic. I didn’t write into that stereotype intentionally--my logic as best as I can remember was “I want Lance to have a complex backstory. Lance’s family is canonically big. I love big families who are emotionally close--they should all live in one house. Hm, they maybe have financial struggles”--but that doesn’t make it any less there.

I can point to other flaws in the work. The other perhaps questionable improv decision to make Lance’s father a gambler and then kill him off, even if that was pretty much just done on the logic of “oh god I don’t want to write about fathers. I have a shit relationship to my father. Fuck. Shit. I’ll kill him off there” is another sticky issue for me. Ritzie’s introduction scene has...issues, to say the least, as well. These may be scenes and plot points people don’t find issue with, haven’t considered in that light before, or even find me silly for worrying over now, but I am famously hyper-critical of my own work. I can’t help but worry and think often on how to be the best writer I can be, and with the most empathy.

There’s a lot of recent and ongoing discussion about who is allowed to write what stories. Certainly, I don’t subscribe to every opinion just because it’s been argued by someone or other--for example, I’m semi-critical of the concept that one can only write narrators and main characters of their own exact identities, particularly and especially if your work is removed from a plot or major content that deals with that identity. But being critical of some opinions does not mean that the overall thinking on “am I a good person to write this kind of story” is bad.

I don’t question that I was the only person who could have created the McClains exactly as they are in my story. They are mine, my characters, and that is intrinsic to me and who I am as a writer. But, I do question whether I was the best person to write that exact narrative, and whether I should have at least made different choices about some of the McClain’s circumstances and their world. SLAOS isn’t a story about race or wealth, but I cannot deny that those factors are present in the story, perhaps more heavily than others I have written.

In short, if I was a novelist conceptualizing this story now as an original piece of work, I do not think I would feel comfortable writing it. I would be concerned about the optics and the potential harm I could cause, to say the least. So, the only original adaption of SLAOS I can see myself ever writing would likely have to be different in many ways.

As it is, I am cautious of any original adaption or thoughts of adaption of SLAOS, at least at the moment--even if it was only released online and never published in any official manner. 

As for finishing the fanfic.. I still have remaining concerns. It is one thing to say I wrote this fic in good faith at 17, it is another to say I made the conscious decision to finish it at 21. Even if my concerns are seen as hyperbolic, I never know what the future will bring, and I don’t need the heat and I don’t need discourse. It’s in the past now. If I finish it, I make it my present. 

This isn’t me saying hands-down I will never finish SLAOS. I certainly know what I wanted to do with the rest of the fic, and I loved the ending I had planned (literally line by line planned. it was a killer ending). The readers and their pure love for this fic have always moved me and made me want to finish this story, if only for them. I’ve heard testimonials on how much this fic has helped people through dark spaces, and that means the goddamn world to me. It’s all I’ve ever wanted as a writer.

But--again momentarily setting aside my real ethical concerns about finishing this--I also have to consider what’s best for me, my career, and my own sanity. I would worry to death about the potential consequences of finishing this fic--who it may hurt, and how it could hurt me. I do not see a world where I finish this fic without modifications to several scenes, and disclaimers in my notes concerning my current adult thoughts on this story and its problems in regards to things that are too rooted in the fic to change, like Lance’s family’s economic situation. And, as of now, I just do not have the time or energy to do that. 

So. SLAOS. I love it, I hate it, I worry about it intensely. I don’t want to let anyone down. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Will I finish it--do I want to finish it? I have no goddamn idea. It’s complicated. that’s the TLDR of this post. it’s really complicated.

Some of you may be completely boggled by my concerns addressed above, some of you may even find them silly. Some of you, for the first time, might look back on this story and see it in a less glowing light. I don’t know. You’re welcome to send me your thoughts and questions. But this is something I have been thinking about for a while and I had to get it off my chest.

Idk. Please try to understand where I’m coming from, even if you don’t agree with my concerns or the opinions being discussed among writers I’ve talked about. For me, these are incredibly real concerns, issues, and fears. 

That’s it. Loraine loves you. Stan Mavis. Peace out.

[fyrapartnersearch]

Hello, hello! This is the first time I’ve put something out like this- ANYWAYS, my name is Vy. I’m 22 (turning 23 pretty soon), I go by pronouns they/she, I’m in an MFA Creative Writing program, I'm in the EST time zone, and I love, love roleplaying. Been doing it on-and-off for six years on Tumblr now and writing for ten years now. This summer I’m generally going to be free, but when I’m in school you can expect at least one response a week from me. After doing indie rp for years, I’d like to try my hand at 1x1 rp and maybe to find a long term partner I can write with as well!

I’d prefer it if my partner(s) were also 21+ since I tend to write about the darker aspects of life. 

Okay, now onto the RP stuff:

Style: Honestly, I like to think I’m pretty flexible? I personally prefer multi-para (200-500 words) and para threads, but I also love the occasional spontaneous RP that can happen through the chats. Para threads I’m more likely to respond to more frequently than multi-paras though. Writing can be exhausting.

I’m OC/OC interactions only. Not really comfy with writing canon characters.

Communication: It’s a necessity :D I usually find having some kind of a friendship with the other person does wonders for my inspiration. I tend to be kind of shy though, but don’t let that stop you from coming into my messages!! We can talk about anything although at the beginning I’m more inclined to keep the chatting more to rp plots and character headcanons until I get comfy. I will note though, there are days and times when I just won’t be up for chatting- when that happens, I might disappear for a day or two. I promise I’ll get back to you in 24-48 hours max. I’ll be patient with you. This is a hobby after all.

If any problems arise or something makes you uncomfortable or even you’ve just lost interest in a plot, please, please talk to me. I’m always open to critique and will appreciate it if you give me some. Ghosting hurts too.

Plotting: I love, love plotting! Even though this is a hobby, I do get very enthusiastic about epic storylines and memorable characters and character arcs.  If we plot something out though, please know I’m expecting us also to write it out whether it’s formally or informally. I’m really looking for someone who has that same enthusiasm and consistency. I’d say I’m more of a few plots but deeper development kind of writer. Also I really like doing angst. Well, a balance of angst and fluff.

Ships: Ships are pretty great- that being said, I’m here for chemistry and development first. I’m here for build-up and as far as I’ve seen my characters, I tend to be more on the slow-burn side of things. I personally am more comfy with M/M and F/F, but I’ll do the occasional M/F too. Nonbinary and trans muses are more than welcome too. I also love, love doing platonic and familial ships too. PLEASE I’LL GIVE MY RIGHT LEG FOR THAT GOOD PLATONIC SHIT.

I can double! Well, I’ve never done it before, but I have had multimuses with muses of all genders and ships of all kinds if that’s counts for something.

Characters: So I have a lot of pre-made OCs already with character arcs I’d love to write my way through. But within the plot, the most important thing for me is character development based on interaction. When it comes to making muses, I do tend to be more on the slower side, but on the flip side, those muses will have extensive backgrounds. If you’re looking for someone to help you with exploring the full depth and possibilities of a character, please sign me up! Please note also, all of my OCs are queer and a majority are POC. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, misgendering of any kind will not be tolerated.

While I do have faceclaims for my characters (and the ones I’d make), it’s not the most important thing to me. I’m here for content and personality.

Smut: I can do it- actually I’d be looking for ways to improve my smut writing. That being said, I’ll only do it if it contributes to the character and plot development. We can also always just fade to black as well. In terms of positions, I’m more used to writing the ‘submissive’ role, but consider me a switch. A lot of my muses are switches as well.

Limits: A hard no on rape scenes, non/dub-con scenes, incest (that includes relatives who are not related by blood), and toxic relationships. They can be referenced and alluded to in the past though.

Genre: I’m not really a high fantasy kind of person. I can do urban fantasy though- for the most part, my main focus is going to be character interactions, character dynamics so you might say my cup of tea is generally slice-of-life with a hint of magic thrown in. But I’m always down to try new things- except for high fantasy, I apologize.

Basically: Urban Fantasy, Supernatural, Slice-of-Life, Historical- the important part is that it’s character driven.

Plots: At the moment, I’m kind of sucked dry, but I’m more likely to be down to try whatever you throw at me! Or just introduce me to your OCs- I’ll most likely want to introduce mine and we can go from there!

Fandoms: I know I said I’m not comfy with writing canon characters, but it doesn’t mean we can’t throw our muses in those universes! Fandoms I’m familiar with include:

Shadowhunters, Harry Potter, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, ATLA, MCU, Harvest Moon, Fire Emblem, Studio Ghibli, and Pokemon. I’ll list more if I think of any.

Method: I’ll do discord, email, or Google Doc! Maybe in the future I’ll try my hand on Tumblr as well again too.

Congrats, you made it through the whole thing. If you’re interested, please hit me up either on discord or by email- I look forward to writing with you all!

Sincerely,

Vy

Discord: letscallitvy#0074

Email: vywritesatctl97@gmail.com

[kpophours]

A Lucky Puppy

➵ VAV: (werewolf) Ziu x fem. reader / one shot / werewolf AU, college AU / fluff

➵ warnings: mentions of alcohol, slight mentions of violence (car crash resulting in death), slight cursing 

➵ word count: 4.9k

➵ series: Baron, Ayno, St. Van, Ziu, Lou, Ace

Tightly clutching a leaflet with the campus map in your right hand, you gaze around the big entrance hall, a slightly confused expression on your face. You're pretty sure you're already in the right building, but finding the right room proves to be more difficult than anticipated. You sigh, nervously gnawing on your lip. You could obviously ask for help, but you don't know anyone here so far, being one of the new foreign exchange students this semester. 

“Are you looking for room 407 as well?", a male voice beside you suddenly asks, making you jump. You turn around and are greeted by a shy smile. The man beside you is tall, way taller than you, has light brown hair and wide, dark eyes. He's ridiculously handsome. 

"Uh, yeah. You're an exchange student as well?", you reply nervously, returning his smile carefully.

"Yes, I'm from China. You can call me Jacob.", he answers, stretching out his hand for you to shake - which you do, before giving him your name as well. "Well, let's just try to find the room together then, shall we?" 

You nod in confirmation, quickly following him.

After a few more minutes though, Jacob loses his last bit of patience and finally asks a young man with bright pink hair to point you both in the right direction. Thanks to this, you're only a few minutes late to the gathering of all exchange students. Still, everyone in the room turns towards you both, making your cheeks flame bright red. Jacob simply nods curtly at everyone, before pulling you with him towards the last free chairs directly in the front row. You guess those seats are unpopular with students no matter their origin. You sigh silently, before taking the chair beside Jacob. 

"Well, I guess that's everyone then.", a woman in her late forties says, clapping her hands together, "Welcome, new students - and thank you for choosing our redeemed university as part of your exchange experience. We're very happy to have you here. My name is Professor Ateamme and I'm in charge of the exchange program this year." 

"I didn't choose anything.", Jacob murmurs quietly and you raise both eyebrows in a silent question. He shrugs. "Generations of my family have spent at least one year at this university, so I didn't have much of a choice."

You just nod, redirecting your attention back to Prof. Ateamme.

After rattling down information after information, you quickly notice your attention wavering - your thoughts turning towards other things. You almost miss her announcement: "Now it's time to assign everyone here a buddy, who’s going to be in charge of making your stay as pleasant as possible. Please don't hesitate to ask them for help - everyone here is more than eager to make you feel welcomed, that's why they decided to become part of this program."

Students are filtering into the room, most sport a bright smile or are nodding at you foreign students. You gaze at Jacob, who scowls slightly. "I don't need a buddy.", he says lowly so only you're able to hear him. 

You grin at him. "I think it's a great idea - that way we're quickly meeting other people.", you whisper back. 

He just shrugs. "I already know you. Don't you think that's enough?" 

You snort at his awkward attempt at flirting and roll your eyes in a playful manner. 

„Did you hear about the female student who was killed in a car crash not long ago, just around the corner of this campus?“, Jacob suddenly asks. You shake your head, goosebumps rising on your arms while he quickly tells you the story: „My roommate told me about her, apparently she was supposed to be a buddy for this program, too. I just suddenly thought of her… If that drunk idiot hadn’t hit her, she would be here today. It’s just… I don’t know, weird. And sad. Really sad.“ 

You notice he really does look heartbroken about it - apparently he didn’t want to gossip about the death, he really was just thinking about her. It instantly makes you like him even more, but before you can say anything to him, you feel someone's eyes on you. 

When you look up, you see dark eyes boring into yours - the young man is around your age, has bright red hair (definitely dyed, there's no way that's his real hair color) and a blindingly bright smile. 

You stare at him, confused at why your heart suddenly starts hammering against your ribcage. A weird feeling spreads through your whole body, but you try to push it aside and quickly look away from the handsome man.

Thanks to that, you don't even notice that the assigning of buddies has already begun - suddenly, the red-haired student is standing in front of you. "I heard you're in need of a buddy - so here I am!", he says loudly, stretching one hand towards you, "I'm Ziu." 

You gaze up at him, your heart beginning to hammer again. "Uh. Hi." 

A shocking eloquence on your part. 

You clear your throat, already feeling a blush creeping on your cheeks, "I'm Y/N. And yeah, I guess I do need a buddy." Your eyes quickly scan the room, but apparently, everyone else's already taken - even Jacob is talking to a buddy sporting violet hair and round glasses. 

Seriously, what's up with these crazy hair colors today?, you think to yourself, finally looking back at Ziu.  

"Then we're a team now!", he says enthusiastically, when you finally shake his hand. 

You can't help but smile, his enthusiasm infectious. 

"I guess we are.", you answer a bit more reserved, quickly snatching your hand back before you can notice how good him holding it actually feels.

He just grins at you, somehow looking a bit smug.

"So you met your mate. That's... that's a good thing, isn't it?"

Ziu sighs deeply. "In general? Yes. Like this? No."

Ayno and Dawon exchange a confused look. 

"She's an exchange student... So she'll go back to her home country in a few months.", Ziu elaborates further, "That means we'll be apart for who knows how long."

"Oh. I guess werewolves aren't really good at long distance relationships, huh?", Dawon says sympathetically. 

"No! Not at all.", the younger man whines, dramatically flailing himself back onto his bed and pressing his face into one of the pillows, uttering a small scream. He’s glad to have the two young warlocks as his neighbors and close friends, their powers actually often coming in handy (even though he must admit he was quite shocked to find out about them being supernatural creatures as well just a few weeks ago - he’s also still not too sure about the red hair suiting him, but so far Ayno hasn’t found a spell to undo the accidental dyeing-curse he set on the young werewolf without making Ziu go completely bald).

"Life's funny like that sometimes.", Dawon mutters, gently patting his friend's back.

"Not helping.", Ziu's muffled voice retorts. 

"Is there a spell for... I don't know, deactivating the mating bond?", Ayno thinks out loud, which results in Ziu hitting him with a pillow. 

"Don't you dare touch my mating bond! Do you know how special this is?! There aren't many werewolves who actually find their mate, so don't even think about looking for a spell! And I’m not taking any dating advice from someone who does absolutely nothing about the crush he has on his research partner."

Ayno looks a bit perplexed, before throwing the pillow back at Ziu. "Relax, it was just an idea. We won't touch your mating bond."

The red-haired man huffs, crossing both arms over his chest. "Yeah, you better."

Dawon sighs and shakes his head. "I don't think we can be of any help to you right now. Apart from getting drunk with you, obviously."

Ziu raises his head at this. „That actually sounds like a very good idea right now."

As you soon find out, Ziu is a really amazing buddy.

He helps you a lot, actually, especially in the beginning - drawing you adorable little maps to help you find the right buildings (you save every single one of those in a small card box on your desk), showing up to eat with you during lunch hours and helping you find some of your college textbooks for nearly half the price.

Even though his character is quite the opposite of yours (often reminding you of an over-excited puppy with his never-ending enthusiasm and overall loud personality), you still really enjoy being around him.

You quickly become friends, often hanging out together, sometimes together with his neighbors Ayno and Dawon, who's been assigned as Jacob's buddy; but mostly it’s just the two of you. 

It doesn't take long for Jacob to begin teasing you about your close friendship with the redhead, the Chinese exchange student being one of your closest friend by now.

„So, when's your husband coming over tonight?“, Jacob asks while you’re hanging out one evening in early November.

You don't even answer, just retorting to (kind of) gently smack the back of his head.

"Ouch! That hurt!" 

You grin, satisfied with yourself and continue to watch Queer Eye, Jacob pouting beside you. 

"Why are we watching that again?", he asks a few seconds later, making you roll your eyes at him.

You know he secretly loves that show, actually having a soft spot for all of the Fab Five.

„You either shut up or you leave. Don't you have to get ready for your date this evening, too?", you finally say, hitting the pause button. Jacob gasps, whipping his head around and looking at the clock hanging above your desk.

"Ah, damn. I nearly forgot about that... I better should get going now. I definitely have to take a shower before meeting Clara."

You nod, wrinkling your nose. "That's the best idea you’ve had lately - you stink." 

Jacob scowls at you, trying to push you from the sofa. "I do not!"

You giggle, shoving him back. "Yes, you do!", you answer in the same childish voice, jumping up and trying to escape his fingers from tickling you.

"Take that back!", Jacob threatens when he finally catches you, poking your sides and making you laugh - you're definitely way too ticklish. 

"No!", you just manage to gasp out, trying to escape him again and failing. Tears are coming out of your eyes by now and you're gasping for breath. Jacob just laughs at you, continuing his torture with no thought of stopping any time soon.

„Uh… what’s going on?", a perplexed voice coming from your door suddenly asks. You interrupt your quarreling, looking at Ziu standing in the doorway, a six-pack beer and some snacks in his hands. His eyes take in the scene in front of him, face contorting slightly when he sees the way Jacob has his arms around you. 

You quickly shove Jacob away from you, blushing and pushing your hair out of your face. 

„Uh... We were just...", you struggle to come up with a good reply, but Jacob simply answers: "I was just tickling her for saying I stink. Because I do not!" With that, he scowls one last time at you, before grabbing his stuff, "And I'm leaving now. Gotta get ready for my date." 

He gently flicks your forehead, pats Ziu on one shoulder and leaves your room, shutting the door behind him. You smile at Ziu, finally noticing his new hair color. 

"What happened to the red?", you gasp, taking a step towards him and reaching out to touch the now brown strands of hair. 

He shrugs. "I grew tired of it, so I changed it. Do you... do you like it?", he asks a bit shyly, gazing into your eyes. 

You smile softly. "I would like your hair in any color.", you answer truthfully, pulling him with you towards the sofa. He drops the beer and snacks onto your small coffee table, before sitting down and sighing deeply. 

„So, Jacob has a date tonight?", he asks you, when you sit down beside him, placing one arm on the back of the sofa. You nod, unconsciously scooting a bit closer. 

Ziu smiles down at you, beginning to play with your hair. 

It makes you heart flutter, but you quickly push the feeling aside - something you've gotten quite good at these last few weeks. You don't want to have a crush on anyone at the moment, knowing it will only lead to heartbreak on both sides when you have to go back home again. Even though you've felt some kind of pull ever since first laying eyes on Ziu, you don't want to acknowledge your growing feelings in any way. But he's definitely making it harder every day, being the beautiful human inside and out that he simply is.

"You're okay with me finishing the episode?", you finally ask, nodding towards your television. 

Ziu smiles. "Sure, you know how much I love Queer Eye." 

You snuggle deeper into the cushions, hitting play and redirecting your attention towards the Fab Five.

Ziu silently observes you out of the corner of his eye. By now, he's actually contemplating if your mating bond might be broken - normally, the pull between mates is strong enough that only a few weeks pass before it's getting too strong to be ignored. Then, the human mate can either accept or reject the werewolf - which is painful, but at least not deadly (even though there are rumors that some werewolves actually died after being rejected by their mate - Ziu doesn't know if he should believe those stories or not). 

But you act like you don't even notice the pull - and... maybe that might actually be the case? Which is, at least to Ziu's knowledge, unheard of, but that doesn't mean it's impossible, right?

At the moment he's contemplating whether he should contact his pack's alpha and ask for help. But with him being one of the youngest of their pack, he’s already used to getting teased a lot (or more like way too much), so he doesn't think this to be a good idea (at least not yet). No, he wants to try other methods first.

So... Maybe he should just ask you? 

But no, if you really don't notice the pull, this could get awkward real quick.

Maybe you're in love with Jacob and that's why you don't notice the pull?

If that's the case he might just have to snap the neck of your friend, no matter the consequences.

"You know it's rude to stare, right?"

Ziu jumps, his eyes focusing back on you again. 

You sport an amused expression, both eyebrows raised and the corner of your lip curling into a smirk. 

He blushes, scratching his head. 

"Well, it's difficult not to stare when such a beautiful human like yourself sits beside me.", he replies quickly and smoothly; now you’re the one to blush. You avert your eyes, looking back at the tv screen. 

He grins and pokes your cheek. "Hey, are you ignoring me?" 

You swat his hand away, still not looking at him. "I'm not.", you mumble almost inaudible, making him laugh. 

"Are you embarrassed?", he continues to tease you. 

You grab the hand still poking your cheek and glare at him. "I'm not! I just don't like you flirting with me.", you answer fiercely, dropping his hand again and crossing your arms in front of your chest.

Ziu is actually a bit taken aback by your sudden outburst, feeling guilty.

"Sorry.", he murmurs, turning to the tv as well.

He stays silent for a few seconds, before he asks: "Don't... don't you like me?"

He hears your sharp intake of breath, sees how your eyes dart around the room in an attempt to avoid looking at him.

"Y/N. Look at me."

And so you do, Ziu getting lost in your deep eyes. "Don't you like me?", he whispers again, eyes dropping to your lips.

You swallow, heart hammering inside your chest, hands getting clammy. "I- I...", you begin, but then, Ziu is already kissing you.

You startle, eyes widening a bit before you relax into his embrace, his arms pulling you even closer. You close your eyes as well, folding both your hands over his chest and feeling how his heartbeat mirrors your own, beating fast and hard. When his tongue brushes against your lips, you shiver slightly, a tiny moan escaping you. 

You're tired of lying to yourself - you know you've already fallen fast and hard for the handsome man in front of you. 

And even though you might have to go back home in a few months - that doesn't mean you need to push him away during that time.

Right now, you just want to stay in his arms forever, not thinking about your uncertain future.

The next weeks seem to pass in the blink of an eye.

It's almost Christmas, when Ziu confesses to you in the most Ziu-ish way possible: you're out on a date in a small forest not too far away from campus, wanting to pick a tiny Christmas tree for Ziu's flat, which proves difficult thanks to your giant of a boyfriend beginning to chase you through the snow. You're giggling uncontrollably by now, somehow managing to escape him again and again by quickly darting around the trees and finally hiding behind some bushes. 

You're out of breath and feel hot thanks to all the running, so you quickly take off your knitted red bobble hat and stuff it into the pocket of your padded coat. Being distracted like this, even if it's just for a few seconds, Ziu sees his chance and tackles you to the ground, yelling happily: "I'VE GOT YOU!" 

You giggle while he presses tiny kisses on your cheeks, forehead, nose and mouth, his warm body covering yours. 

"You." - he kisses one cheek - "Are" - he kisses your other cheek - "Way" - he kisses your forehead - "Too" - he kisses your nose - "Cute!" 

With that, he finally kisses your lips, tongue brushing yours and making you taste the coffee he just had a few minutes ago, right before beginning to chase you around like a crazy person (you should've known better than to bring a thermos full of caffeine on this date, your boyfriend definitely not needing any more energy). 

You cradle his face between your hands, nuzzling your nose against his when you end the kiss. "So are you.", you answer, quickly pecking his lips. 

He smirks. "Oh, I know. I'm irresistibly cute. So I'm allowed to do this." And with that, he shoves a handful of snow right into your face, making you yell in surprise and push him off your body. 

"Oh you didn't!", you scream at your boyfriend, who's laughing hysterically and already holding some more snow in his hands. You swiftly grab some snow yourself and seconds later, you're engaged into a very serious snowball fight. 

It isn't a surprise that Ziu wins - holding you in a death-grip and shoving some more snow into your face.

"I surrender! I surrender!", you yell, struggling to escape his tight embrace.

"Tell me you love me first!", he demands teasingly and you don’t even think about it, simply blurting out: "I love you, you stupid idiot!"

Before you can register that you actually just confessed to him, Ziu has already turned you around in his arms, kissing you deeply and making your heart flutter. 

He leans his forehead against yours, breathing heavily and sporting a shit-eating grin. "I love you, too.", he says, but you play deaf. "Sorry? What was that?", you tease him back, gazing at him with round, innocent eyes. 

His smile widens, before he yells at the top of his lungs: "I LOVE YOU, Y/N!" 

You jump when some lonely birds flutter out of a tree, scared by the loud noise. You smack his arm, stifling your own grin. "Shh, are you crazy?!", you laugh, hiding your face in his chest. His arms circle you, his chest still rumbling with laughter. 

"What? It's only us out here.", Ziu says, shrugging and kissing the top of your head, "Am I not allowed to tell the world how I feel?" 

You shake your head. "Nope, you're not. You're only allowed to tell me.", you say seriously, trying to hide the mischievous glint in your eyes.

"Too bad, there's already a banner with my confession waiting for you in front of your dorm. Not forgetting the marching band playing 'I will always love you' by Whitney Houston, obviously.", Ziu answers, quickly pressing a kiss on your lips before you're able to retort something. 

You snort, shaking your head. "You're crazy.", you mumble against his lips, heart and heart full of love.

It's New Year's Eve and you and Ziu are invited to a game night hosted by Ayno and Dawon. Jacob is going to be there as well, just like Ayno's girlfriend who just happens to be one of your neighbors. 

But Ziu, who's currently laying on your bed, is not letting you leave his arms, making it impossible for you to follow the invitation of his neighbors. 

"Ziu, I'm serious! We have to leave now or we'll be late.", your voice sounds muffled thanks to your face being pressed against Ziu's chest.

"I don't care. I vote for staying in this night, so it’s just us two celebrating our first New Year as a couple."

You shake your head, freeing yourself a bit of his tight embrace. "Not gonna happen. Jacob's counting on me." 

Ziu rolls his eyes, pouting a bit. He’ll definitely never admit to it, but you know he's jealous of you spending time with Jacob - who, by now, has become something like your best friend. You find Ziu's jealousy ridiculous, simply because everyone can see how head over heels you are for the giant dork, but your boyfriend still scowls every time you even talk about Jacob. 

But if everything works out (like you think it will), this won't be a problem anymore in the very near future - Jacob told you about a new girl he met just yesterday, his eyes sparkling and lips stretching into a loving smile (because even though your friend might look all tough and manly outside, he's actually one of the biggest softies you know). 

"But there's something I need to tell you.", Ziu murmurs into your neck, pressing soft kisses against it and making you shiver.

"Then tell me.", you answer a bit breathless, tilting your head to give him better access. 

"It's better to show you, though.", he continues, pressing a gentle kiss on your lips.

"Well, then show me."

"Not sure about doing this here, though."

At this, you knit your eyebrows together. "Huh?"

Ziu finally lets go of you, sighing deeply. "You trust me, right?", he asks, suddenly serious - something very unusual for your normally over-enthusiastic, silly boyfriend.

You nod carefully, pushing a few strands of hair back behind your ear. "Of course I do."

At this, Ziu jumps up and holds one hand towards you to take. "Come on, then." 

Confused, you grab his hand, letting yourself be pulled with him. "Are we going over to Ayno and Dawon's place?"

"Not yet. Dress warmly, I don't want you catching a cold.", Ziu says gently, already holding your red bobble hat in one of his hands.

You begin to feel a bit nervous thanks to his strange behavior, but begin to nevertheless dress in some of your warmest clothes before following him out of your dorm. 

Ziu takes your hand in his, swinging your arms between you like always, but somehow it feels forced and unnatural this time. You're seriously beginning to panic, trying to push all thoughts of Ziu trying to break up with you or something like that aside.

You mean... Why would he? He only just told you he loved you - a mere few hours ago... 

And such a sudden change of heart wouldn't be like him at all... right?

At least that's what you try to tell yourself. 

You don't even notice reaching the forest where you picked Ziu's Christmas tree just a few weeks earlier, too immersed into your own thoughts. Confused, you lift both eyebrows. "What are we doing here?", you ask timidly, the dark forest not being a place you want to spend time in at this hour. 

„Just trust me, Y/N.", Ziu simply answers, continuing to pull you with him. 

He stops when you finally reach a small clearing, letting go of your hand. He takes a few steps away from you, his back turned towards you.

"Ziu?" Your voice sounds way too small in the darkness of the forest, the only light coming from the stars above you.

"There's something I haven't told you about me yet.", Ziu begins, voice sounding nervous.

"This is some serious Twilight scenario right there.", you try to joke, hugging yourself and beginning to shiver - not only due to the coldness of the winter night though.

Ziu doesn't laugh - which is more than unusual for him.

"You're actually not that far off, Y/N." With that, he turns around.

Are you hallucinating or are his normally dark brown eyes shining yellow? 

Your heart hammers inside your chest and you take a tiny step back.

"Please... just - don't run away." And with that, your boyfriend begins to change in front of you: his nose prolongates - no, his whole face prolongates, while the rest of his body bends in a weird way. 

You blink a few times and almost miss the rest of his change - how fur begins to grow out of his skin, how paws form where seconds ago he still had his human hands...

You're unable to scream, completely shell-shocked.

You simply stare at the big, black wolf in front of you. 

Don't run away, please.

"HOLY FUCK!", you yell, stumbling back a bit and landing butt-first in the snow. 

You simply continue to stare at the Wolf - at... Ziu.

Your boyfriend.

"Did... did you just talk to me? Like, telepathically?“, you whisper, pretty much convinced you have to be dreaming right now.

I am. So... you can really hear me?

"Of course I can hear you! But- how? I... what the hell is even going on?", you finish weakly, not able to stand up again and continuing to gaze at the wolf.

Uh, well... So... I'm a werewolf...

"You're a werewolf."

Yup.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

Nope.

You laugh a bit hysterical, burying your face in your hands and taking a few deep breaths to keep yourself from hyperventilating.

You feel something soft and warm nuzzling your head and jump a bit, looking up. 

Ziu's brown eyes stare back at you - the eyes you know so well by now.

With a trembling hand you reach out to touch his silky looking fur. 

He nuzzles his snout into your hand, making you smile a bit.

"This is seriously so weird.", you mumble, continuing to gently stroke his fur.

I'm just glad you didn't faint.

"Oh, shut up."

The wolf makes a noise quite similar to a snort and you poke him, extracting a yelp from him.

"Have you always been a werewolf?", you ask softly, while Ziu lays down in front of you, heat radiating from him and stopping your trembling.

Yes - I was born as one. You actually can't be turned into one, that's just a myth.

"Really? Well, that's really some serious Twilight shit right there.“

At this, the wolf growls. Don't compare me to those stupid huskies.

You giggle, before falling silent again. "What... what do we do now?"

What do you mean?

"I mean, why did you tell me? Don't misunderstand - I appreciate your honesty, but... Why?"

Because I love you. Because the wolf is part of me. And because...

"Because?"

You're my mate.

With that, Ziu slowly changes back into his human form.

You simply stare at him, blinking slowly. "I'm your... mate."

He nods shyly, carefully taking your hands in his and beginning to play with your fingers. "Having a mate is actually quite rare nowadays.", he tells you quietly, "So finding you comes pretty close to a miracle."

"Well, aren't you a lucky wolf then.", you murmur, looking down at your interlaced hands. 

"Of course I am. I have you.", he simply states, making your heart flutter.

"Will this... I don’t know, change anything between us?", you ask a bit fearful, not daring to look up - but Ziu gently lifts your chin with his fingers, his eyes soft and full of love.

"No, not at all. It simply means you can be absolutely sure I'll never leave your side. That I'll always look out for you. That you're the only person I'll ever want to be with - that I'll ever love.", he answers, gently tracing your lips with one finger.

You let out a deep breath, beginning to nod slowly and earning a bright grin from your boyfriend - your… mate. 

"You're damn lucky you're such a cute puppy.", you finally say, a small smile pulling on your lips.

Ziu laughs out loud, pulling you close to his chest. 

"First of all - I’m not a puppy, I’m a wolf! And secondly - I'm damn lucky to have such a cute mate.", he answers, kissing the top of your head and holding you tight.

"You sure are.", you say, beginning to smile in earnest now and pressing a soft kiss on his lips.

"I love you.", he murmurs when you pull away again and gaze up at him.

You smile. "I love you, too."

[masterlist] | [requests] 

[if-only-angels-could-prevail]

“American Things” by Tony Kushner

Summer is the season for celebrating freedom, summer is the time when we can almost believe it is possible to be free. American education conditions us for this expectation; school's out! The climate shift seductively whispers emancipation. Warmth opens up the body and envelops it. The body in summer is most easily at home in the world. This is true even when the summer is torrid. I have lived half my life in Louisiana and half in New York City. I know from torrid summers.

On my seventh birthday, midsummer 1968, my mother decorated my cake with sparklers she'd saved from the Fourth of July. This, I thought, was extraordinary, fantastic, sparklers spitting and smoking, dangerous and beautiful atop my birthday cake. In one indelible, ecstatic instant my mother completed a circuit of identification for me, melding two iconographies, of self and of liberty: of birthday cake, delicious confectionery emblem of maternal enthusiasm about my existence, which enthusiasm I shared; and of the nighttime fireworks of pyro-romantic Americana, fireworks-liberty-light which slashed across the evening sky, light which thrilled the heart, light which exclaimed loudly in the thick summer air, light which occasionally tore off fingers and burned houses, the fiery fierce explosive risky light of Independence, of Freedom.

Stonewall, the festival day of lesbian and gay liberation, is followed closely by the Fourth of July; they are exactly one summer week apart. The contiguity of these two festivals of freedom is important, at least to me. Each adds piquancy and meaning to the other. In the years following my 7th birthday I had lost some of my enthusiasm for my own existence, as most queer kids growing up in a hostile world will do. I'd certainly begun to realize how unenthusiastic others, even my parents, would be if they knew I was gay. Such joy in being alive as I can now lay claim to has been returned to me largely because of the successes of the political movement which began, more or less officially, 25 years ago on that June night in the Village. I've learned how absolutely essential to life freedom is.

Lesbian and gay freedom is the same freedom celebrated annually on the Fourth of July. Of this I have no doubt; my mother told me so, back in 1963, by putting sparklers on that cake. She couldn't have made her point more powerfully if she'd planted them on my head. Hers was a gesture we both understood, though at the time neither could have articulated it; "This fantastic fire is yours." Mothers and fathers should do that for their kids: give them fire, and link them proudly and durably to the world in which they live.

One of the paths down which my political instruction came was our family seder. Passover, too, is a celebration of Freedom in sultry, intoxicating heat (Passover actually comes in the spring but in Louisiana the distinction between spring and summer was never clear). Our family read from Haggadahs written by a New Deal Reform rabbinate which was unafraid to draw connections between Pharaonic and modern capitalist exploitations; between the exodus of Jews from Goshen and the journey toward civil rights for African-Americans; unafraid to make the yearning which Jews have repeated for thousands of years a democratic dream of freedom for all peoples. It was impressed upon us, as we sang "America the Beautiful" at the seder's conclusion, that the dream of millennia was due to find its ultimate realization not in Jerusalem but in this country.

The American political tradition to which my parents made me an heir is mostly an immigrant appropriation of certain features and promises of our Constitution, and of the idea of democracy and federalism. This appropriation marries morally and ideologically indeterminate freedom to the more strenuous specific mandates of justice. It is the aggressive, unapologetic, progressive liberalism of the 30s and 40s, a liberalism strongly spiced with socialism, trade unionism and the ethos of internationalism and solidarity.

This liberalism at its best held that citizenship was bestowable on everyone, and sooner or later it would be bestowed. Based first and foremost on reason, and then secondarily on protecting certain articles of faith such as the Bill of Rights, democratic process would eventually shift power from the mighty to the many, in whose hands, democratically and morally speaking, it belongs. Over the course of 200 years, brave, visionary activists and ordinary, moral people had carved out a space, a large sheltering room from which many were now excluded, but which was clearly intended to be capable of multitudes. Within the space of American Freedom there was room for any possibility. American Freedom would become the birthplace of social and economic Justice.

Jews who came to America had gained entrance into this grand salon, as had other immigrant groups: Italians, Irish. Black people, Chicanos and Latinos, Asian-Americans would soon make their own ways, I was told, as would women, as would the working class and the poor -- it could only be a matter of time and struggle.

People who desired sex with people of their own gender, trans-gender people, drag kings and drag queens, deviants from heterosexual normality were not discussed. There was identity, and then there was illness.

I am nearly 38, and anyone who's lived 38 years should have made generational improvements on the politics of his or her parents. For any gay man or lesbian since Stonewall, the politics of homosexual enfranchisement is part of what is to be added to the fund of human experience and understanding that we pass on to the next generation-upon which we hope improvements will be made.

The true motion of freedom is to expand outward. To say that lesbian and gay freedom is the same freedom celebrated annually on the Fourth of July is simply to say that queer and other American freedoms have changed historically, generally in a healthy direction (with allowances for some costly periods of faltering, including recently), and must continue to change if they are to remain meaningful. No freedom that fails to grow will last.

Lesbians and gay men of this generation have added homophobia to the consensus list of social evils: poverty, racism, sexism, exploitation, the ravaging of the environment, censorship, imperialism, war. To be a progressive person is to believe that there are ways to actively intervene against these evils. To be a progressive person is to resist Balkanization, tribalism, separatism; to be progressive is to seek out connection. I am homosexual, and this ought to make me consider how my experience of the world, as someone who is not always welcome, resembles that of others, however unlike me, who have had similar experiences. I demand to be accorded my rights by others; and so I must be prepared to accord to others their rights. The truest characteristic of freedom is generosity, the basic gesture of freedom is to include, not to exclude.

That there would be a reasonably successful movement for lesbian and gay civil rights was scarcely conceivable a generation ago. In spite of these gains, much of the social progress which to my parents seemed a foregone conclusion has not yet been made, and much ground has been lost. Will racism prove to be more intractable, finally, than homophobia? Will the hatred of women, gay and straight, continue to find new and more violent forms of expression, and will gay men and women of color remain doubly, or triply oppressed, while white gay men find greater measures of acceptance, simply because they are white men?

The tensions which have defined American history and American political consciousness have most often been those existing between the margin and the center, the many and the few, the individual and society, the dispossessed and the possessors. It is a peculiar feature of our political life that some of these tensions are frequently discussed and easily grasped, such as those existing between the states and the federal government, or between the rights of individuals and society's claims upon them; while others' tensions, especially those which are occasioned by the claims of marginalized peoples, are regarded with suspicion and fear. Listing the full catalog of these claims is sure to raise howls decrying "political correctness" from those who need desperately to believe that democracy is a simple thing.

Democracy isn't simple and it doesn't mean that majorities tyrannize minorities. We learned this a long time ago, from, among others, the Moses of that Jewish American Book of Exodus, Louis Dembitz Brandeis, or, in more recent times, from Thurgood Marshall. In these days of demographic shifts, when majorities are disappearing, this knowledge is particularly useful, and it needs to be expanded. There are in this country political traditions congenial to the idea that democracy is multicolored and multicultural and also multigendered, that democracy is about returning to individuals the fullest range of their freedoms, but also about the sharing of power, about the rediscovery of collective responsibility. There are in this country political traditions, from organized labor, from the civil-rights and black-power movements, from feminist and homosexual liberation movements, from movements for economic reform, which postulate democracy as a dynamic process. These traditions exist in opposition to those which make fixed fetishes of democracy and freedom, talismans for reaction.

These traditions, which constitute the history of progressive and radical America, have been shunted to the side in an attempt at revisionism that began during the McCarthy era. Over the course of American history since World War II, the terms of the national debate have subtly, insidiously shifted. What used to be called liberal is now called radical, what used to be called radical is now called insane. What used to be called reactionary is now called moderate, and what used to be called insane is now called solid conservative thinking.

The recovery of antecedents is immensely important work. Historians are reconstructing the lost history of homosexual America, along with all the other lost histories. Freedom, I think, is finally being at home in the world, it is a returning -- to the best particulars of the home you came from, or the arrival, after a lengthy and arduous journey, at the home you never had, which your dreams and desires have described for you.

I have a guilty confession to make. When I am depressed, when nerve or inspiration or energy flag, I put on Dvorak's Ninth Symphony, "From the New World"; I get teary listening to the Largo. It's become one of the alltime most shopworn musical cliches, which is regrettable. My father, who is a symphony conductor, told me that Dvorak wrote it in America and then contributed all the money from the New World Symphony's premiere to a school that accepted former slaves. But as the story goes, his daughter fell in love with a Native American and Dvorak took the whole family back to Bohemia.

Like many Americans I'm looking for home. Home is an absence, it is a loss that impels us. I want this home to be like the Largo from the New World Symphony. But life most frequently resembles something by Schoenberg, the last quartet, the one he wrote after his first heart attack. Life these days is played out to the tune of that soundtrack. Or something atonal, anyway, something derivative of Schoenberg, some piece written by one of his less talented pupils.

The only politics that can survive an encounter with this world, and still speak convincingly of freedom and justice and democracy, is a politics that can encompass both the harmonics and the dissonance. The frazzle, the rubbed-raw, the unresolved, the fragile and the fiery and the dangerous: these are American things. This jangle is our movement forward, if we are to move forward; it is our survival, if we are to survive.

[idio-cies]

AWAE comparisons, expectations and analysis pt.III

So, the first scene we have of Gilbert and Anne in AWAE, 0103, he saves her... so that already completely fucks up everything as the context is needed for that scene. All this does is show the audience that this is Anne's love interest because he saved her and she lives in a world where she wishes everything to be romantical (It’s also just a huge trope). The effect of school being the topic of their interaction "we should probably get to school, eh?" is prominent considering that it is home to their rivalry etc. I very much appreciate Gilbert in the series to ask if there were any dragons that need slaying. It shows his humour, the fantasy element but also his cockiness. So what I can't quite decipher from Gilbert following Anne to school and trying to get her to tell him her name is very vexing. The only conclusion I have come to in the respect of Anne is that she was scared; of him teasing her, of him following her until she was in the sanctuary of school or she was just generally shocked of his presence. The reason I say about the following to school is because he then comes in with her meaning it was where he was also headed to, or that she knew he wouldn't be leaving any time soon and might as well introduce herself.

The way Gilbert was asking for her name though shows immaturity though "What? Can't tell me your name?" etc

Anyway, the scene where she is rescued in the books, is their turning point.

I shall explain.

Chp 28: Gilbert obligingly rowed to the landing and Anne, disdaining assistance, sprang nimbly on shore.

‘I’m very much obliged to you,’ she said haughtily as she turned away. But Gilbert had also sprung from the boat and now laid a detaining hand on her arm.

‘Anne,’ he said hurriedly, ‘look here. Can’t we be good friends? I’m awfully sorry I made fun of your hair that time. I didn’t mean to vex you and I only meant it for a joke. Besides, it’s so long ago. I think your hair is awfully pretty now—honest I do. Let’s be friends.’ For a moment Anne hesitated. She had an odd, newly awakened consciousness under all her outraged dignity that the half-shy, half-eager expression in Gilbert’s hazel eyes was something that was very good to see. Her heart gave a quick, queer little beat. But the bitterness of her old grievance promptly stiffened up her wavering determination. That scene of two years before flashed back into her recollection as vividly as if it had taken place yesterday. Gilbert had called her ‘carrots’ and had brought about her disgrace before the whole school. Her resentment, which to other and older people might be as laughable as its cause, was in no whit allayed and softened by time seemingly. She hated Gilbert Blythe! She would never forgive him!

‘No,’ she said coldly, ‘I shall never be friends with you, Gilbert Blythe; and I don’t want to be!’

‘All right!’ Gilbert sprang into his skiff with an angry color in his cheeks. ‘I’ll never ask you to be friends again, Anne Shirley. And I don’t care either!’ He pulled away with swift defiant strokes, and Anne went up the steep, ferny little path under the maples. She held her head very high, but she was conscious of an odd feeling of regret. She almost wished she had answered Gilbert differently. Of course, he had insulted her terribly, but still—!

Honestly, she is so relatable. Anyhow. It just goes to show how instantly she regretted it, but Gilbert got the message, and "stopped" pursuing her. He was still young too don't forget. This has and hasn't happened. It kinda did in 0209, but not really, because I'm not so sure about Gilbert's nature as he had other things on his mind, and also the context of Anne being jealous.

What gets me is that "half-shy half-eager expression in Gilbert's hazel eyes"- this is what he expresses in 0104.

The fact that their first interaction in the series is of their turning point in the books, already gives them a different perception of how they are going to interact. This is a typical trope for couples do be set up, especially ones that are archaic in terms of the man saving the woman. They technically start off on good terms, where she may be grateful of him/perhaps attracted to him already.

I can't believe we missed out on him winking at her though, that was their first interaction, and yes Anne believes he is Handsome- again why I think she may have just been in silence because she was shocked.

Chp 17: "'I think your Gilbert Blythe IS handsome,’ confided Anne to Diana, ‘but I think he’s very bold. It isn’t good manners to wink at a strange girl.'"

When Gilbert offers her the apple I assume it's the equivalent of the candied heart Gilbert attempts to give her that she is an utter savage over:

Once, when nobody was looking, Gilbert took from his desk a little pink candy heart with a gold motto on it, ‘You are sweet,’ and slipped it under the curve of Anne’s arm. Whereupon Anne arose, took the pink heart gingerly between the tips of her fingers, dropped it on the floor, ground it to powder beneath her heel, and resumed her position without deigning to bestow a glance on Gilbert.

It doesn't say how he tries to get her attention though, so I like how the series actually shows the attempts of Gilbert with the apple and paper etc because again, it's ambiguous, I know that earlier films and series have shown different attempts also.

However, the reason Anne doesn't respond in the series is that she wants to be liked by people and was literally told not to look or speak to Gilbert because Ruby likes him. This can explain why the phrase was "I'm not talking to you" instead of saying how rude and hateful he was, as I have mentioned before, this goes into how his character is presented also. I will get onto the Ruby sitch later.

You also get a sense of Gilbert's character by how he was welcomed, his humour, but also the way he holds himself. He is beloved it seems by the entire class (much like Anne was in the books and comes to be, all except Josie Pye and then Billy in the series also and his miscreants to an extent). He does have that joking nature like when they ask him about the Rocky mountains claiming they were "big" and "rocky" and then also when he teases his friends, instead of the girls. He is 99% still original Gilbert though. Later when he is admiring Anne's enthusiasm when she reads and he says to Charlie "She's good, invested" it does make her more accepting to the boys. Gilbert holds a lot of influence on the class, as seen by his interactions with Billy and the other boys in the class, this acceptance of who Anne is, is likely to prevent some bullying. It's just that Billy and Josie are horrible (and I hope they redeem them because they've set it up!) and people think to much of what other think of themselves, like any child growing up in school. This is why 0104 is so important for Anne, It's all well and good that Diana is her friend, but she also falls privy to the peer pressure of school life; the whole class do like Anne in all actuality, because she is different and kind etc. Literally it's only Josie in the books that just doesn't seem to grow to love Anne. Anne is seen as being this person that comes into your life and you can't help but love her. It's what I find interesting about the slate/carrots scene.

Anyway, as you see Prissy, Tillie and also Jane all look shocked, but also sorrowful.

Prissy is more astonished because of Mr Phillips, but also when Gilbert confesses it was his fault (also does this in the books etc) he looks around to the boys in some kind of astonishment almost as if to say "shut up" or “Why”.

The only one we are shown to enjoy the display is Josie. 

Though Ruby seems to be at odds because obviously Gilbert was trying to grab Anne's attention.

When Anne gives her name when they enter the school, we see the same sort of shot that is given to us in the last scene of S2

They only have switched places and the lighting is different. The camera is level, but the positioning of them shows distance, but that they are on common ground.

So when it comes to the scene where he calls her carrots its really interesting. Bearing in mind that Series Gilbert doesn't tease girls as Gilbert in the book etc does; he still has the want to gain the attention, but for Gilbert in the books it honestly sounded like he was restraining himself, but got too impatient and yanked her hair, but there is no explanation of him calling her carrots, it certainly wasn't on purpose because of his honest apology straight after they were let out of school.

‘I’m awfully sorry I made fun of your hair, Anne,’ he whispered contritely. ‘Honest I am. Don’t be mad for keeps, now.'

For some reason it's always whispering.

See this is what I don't get about Gilbert in the series, he honestly just really wanted to see her face and to talk to her because he found her intriguing, but I can understand why Anne saw him as teasing her, especially after he responded with the "You just did" and smiles. I suppose to a degree his not hearing her when he tried to give her the apple could also come across as taunting, but that bit in of itself was him being kind so it just must have messed with Anne.

But if you watch the scene where he pulls Anne's hair and calls her carrots 1. you see how cautious Gilbert was, like he was approaching a frightened deer 2. you see how Anne was on the brink of snapping anyway because she was breathing heavily 3. you see how Gilbert was still immature as he looked at her face a couple times, then looked at her hair, something in his head though "yeah, that's a good idea" (you see a quick expression on his face where he gets impatient) totally yanked her hair, still whispered carrots but still trying to look at her face even as she brought up her slate and whacked him.

Really, all he wanted was to see her face, which is incredible, but maaaannnnn he's as impatient as her! What annoys me though, he never apologised... it bothers me.

But that concludes that scene. They couldn't skip the carrots scene, it's too iconic, but it still shows you how Gilbert is still immature, it's just he's more awkward, as per with the rest of the season. Gilbert and Anne really do go the distance with staring at each other instead.

But, it is all about miscommunication! Because feelingggsssssss

I suppose I should also talk about other scenes in between such as when she reads The Fisherman, which is very fitting for them as well, mainly on the part of Gilbert.

The basis is that this fisherman lives out at sea, is lonely in the dangerous life he leads. I don't think it was a coincidence with the cinematography we had in season 2 which expresses how this poem could have fared for Gilbert. Gilbert was looking to where his calling was, that either being his vocation or where he wanted to be, he was searching and to no avail really. This restlessness can be dangerous in the metaphorical sense of not finding love, and being content with one's self. There's a bit in the poem that says "with scarce a friend" this is turned around by him befriending Bash. Without Bash and Anne's letter, I doubt Gilbert would have ever come back to Avonlea. He would have succumbed to being a restless spirit. Even when he did come home he was searching still. Gilbert had to grow up fast after his father fell ill, and then died, and so did Anne in general as it seemed as soon as she could walk, she was sent to work.

There is a significance of the apple I feel. It was either that or just an aesthetic which it most likely was, but the woops- god, he must have felt like he was being so suave.

Anyways, there isn't really much more comparison I can do, except to say the significance it gives. Afterwards there is no mention of Gilbert teasing the girls. I honestly think the teasing was just him biding the time, and then when Anne came along he was like "OMG I've found my wife". Gilbert here also has that experience as that's why he tries to get her attention just as much as any other Gilbert, and trying to get a good look at her face. He needn't look any further. I will probably go into detail later with other stuff as that's where the comparison will come in.

1 / 2 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13

[queercapwriting]

sanvers helping queer teens anon here, what abt a hispanic gay for girls enby (ik this is rly weirdly specific)nw/ rly conservative parents and just nneding to cry and let it out w/ sanvers and them comforting them

Half the time that Adrian texts Maggie, it’s memes and cute dogs and selfies of him with said cute dogs.

The other quarter, it’s life updates and checking in on how she’s doing.

The last quarter, it’s asking if he can bring wayward teens he finds over to his lesbian mamas’ apartment for dinner, for coffee, for an emergency crisis.

This afternoon, his text is about a sophomore in his school.

They’re really sweet and they just transferred to my school and they’ve got this massive crush on this junior girl and I totally ship it and more to the point their parents are jerksssssssssssssssssssssssssssss so can they come over tonight and be parented by the biggest homos I know I’ll bake that batch of brownies that you know Alex will make all those sex noises for??

You sent this to me, Adrian. This isn’t Maggie’s phone, Adrian. You did that last crack about the brownies and sent it to me on purpose, didn’t you Adrian.

…. hi Alex. We on for tonight?

Bring them and your brownies. We may or may not take the brownies and the kid and let you stay out in the hallway.

Perfect, see you then!

Alex laughs to herself, wondering when, exactly, she became a mom.

She calls Maggie to let her know that they’ll have company tonight.

She watches, that night, the kid’s face – Cass, their name is – as they watch the enthusiasm and deep, unrestrained love that Maggie and Adrian bear hug with.

“They’ll be done in with that in about five hours,” Alex offers her hand out to Cass. They giggle nervously, and Alex leans in conspiratorially. “You wanna steal these brownies and run? Adrian said he’d bring the things over, and he told us he was bringing you, obviously, so I said ‘well maybe Cass and I could just grab the brownies and go, can they run fast?’ and he was like, ‘yeah, they do, they’re on our track team’, so I’m just saying, if you wanna tackle him for the brownies, I can totally take my wife.”

Alex hopes her rambling is making Cass feel less uncomfortable, less awkward and terrified; if the look on their face is any indication whenever Alex uses their pronouns, Alex is creating the effect she wanted to.

Maggie and Adrian finally stop hugging, and Adrian latches himself onto Alex next.

It’s not until halfway through the pizza and fries and garlic bread - ‘the dinner of champions’, Adrian proclaims - that Cass really starts saying anything beyond ‘pre-calculus is awesome’ and ‘my English teacher is the worst.’

Because they pay close attention when Maggie casually mentions growing up in a small town where everyone knew everyone’s business, and when Adrian mentions the last family barbeque where his mom got into a massive fight with his dad’s brother over his refusal to respect Adrian’s pronouns in the supposed name of Jesus.

“It. Was. Awesome,” Adrian concludes with satisfied hands behind his head.

“Was your dad mad at your mom, though? For yelling at his brother?” Cass asks, and Adrian shakes his head vehemently.

“No no no, that was the best part. When Dad got there, and we told him what happened, he was just pissed off that Mami got to tell off my uncle and not him. Like I said: awesome.”

“You’re really lucky. With your parents. Both sets, it looks like.”

“I know,” Adrian sobers, reaching for Alex’s wine before she lightly smacks his hand out of the way.

Cass giggles at their intimate antics, and they assess safety levels quickly. Whether anyone will be mad that they ruin the dinner party just because they need to vent; whether Adrian won’t be their friend anymore at school, or whether Alex and Maggie will regret welcoming them into their home.

They think it seems safe. The way Adrian leans across the table to squeeze Maggie’s knee. The way Alex kisses Maggie’s cheek, and Maggie kisses hers right back.

The way Adrian pretends to be grossed out, but winks at Cass happily even as he does so.

“I wish I had parents who love me like yours do,” they pipe up, and no one misses a beat. 

No one tells them that ‘of course your parents love you, they’re just set in their ways’ or ‘they’ll accept you even if they don’t accept other people because you’re their kid’ or ‘why is it so important to tell them? you’ll be out of their house in a couple years anyway.’

No one says anything like that. They just turn, and nod, and wait for them to continue.

“Like, it’s frustrating. Because there’s Jesus Catholics, who are all hippy and like, love everyone for the sake of loving everyone because that’s what Jesus was all about. And there are Old Testament Catholics, who are like, ‘smite this and smite that’ and that’s my parents, and they voted for the supervillain in the White House and they don’t understand that he hates us and everything he stands for hates us, and he especially hates me, because I’m brown and I’m trans and I love women in a way he’ll never understand.”

“You mean you respect them and all that? What? Whomst?” Adrian puts his hand on his heart in faux shock, and Cass smiles like maybe everyone at this table actually, truly gets it.

Which is exactly what makes them sob.

Alex is on her feet first, pulling out her chair and shifting so she’s kneeling tall by Cass’s seat. “Okay?” she asks with outstretched arms, and Cass lets themself sink into Alex, grasping at her henley as they sob like they haven’t let themself sob in far too long. 

Maggie holds Adrian’s hand and they both put their heads down, waiting, witnessing, holding space for Cass’s tears and Alex’s whispers of comfort and belief.

“I’m sorry,” Cass gasps through their tears.

“No.”

“Absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

“You’re fine, you’re fine, you know how many times I’ve done this at this very table?”

“All three of us, really.”

“This is apparently where we all have our breakdowns. You’re in good company.”

Their soft antics get Cass to laugh. To start believing that maybe their blood family isn’t the only family they’ll ever have.

That maybe, they can make their own.

And maybe, that starts tonight.

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff’s Best of 2017

WARNING: I’d like to thank everybody who was here for me when times were low. Thank you, take care out there, and enjoy.

Cartoons; the one thing that I will continuously watch until I go blind. 2017 was an emotional handful and an exhausting trudge, can’t deny that, and I’m counting down the best cartoons/animations I’ve seen and loved this year in no particular order. Only two rules, no sneak previews of future projects (sorry to Unikitty and Hideo Kojima). Here we go....

10. HANAZUKI: FULL OF TREASURES

This was a sleeper hit tbh. The fact all the episodes were free on Youtube blew my mind, but having a well structured story with a lovely cold space color palette, actually relatable characters, and a sinister undertones below its tender, colorful charm to be as a nice headliner to when Friendship is Magic came back in spring. It was an inviting start for the year, and with the guy behind Motorcity and Superjail taking the helm and having two more seasons being produced, Hanazuki is something I find is in good hands come 2018.

9. LITTLE WITCH ACADEMIA

Four long years. I waited FOUR long goddamn years...and fuck me was it worth it. A spectacle is what I can call Little Witch Academia. Almost every episode dazzled me with its stage made bravado and confidence that always made me say, “Okay. Let’s make it til’ the next week”. Even when things got serious, LWA knew how to have fun and make the most of its concept. There is a sense of predictability sometimes, but the series would still throw you some good curve balls to never lose your interest. What did lose my interest was Netflix’s sorry excuse of a dub. The movies: fine. But Netflix, try that again, with any other anime, and I will rip your nuts off.

8. Now I might be cheating here since it’s not a cartoon, but shit it might as well have been

CUPHEAD

The effort that went into this is phenomenal, beyond the many other games of the year no doubt. While not everything is animated, I could tell they were cutting corners in some areas, the frame BY frame animated enemies, bosses, and effects made this one of the most visually colorful and alive games to date, next to Mario Odyssey. Not only was this game a frustrating yet joyous romp to start and finish, but the music and art flawlessly channeled the essence of a time where the word “cartoon” was only starting to make good progress. My favorite character would have to be Satan King Dice, whom is an animated homage to great musician and composer Cab Calloway. His stache, his clothing, even his Cheshire grin captured the cool, jazzy vibe Calloway always provided in his performances. He and his fight was the highlight of Cuphead for me and I hope this game, if a sequel isn’t possible, is well remembered for its unexpected excellence in how a video game can look.

7. CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS/L-EGGO BATMAN

Faithful is what I can describe these two. Captain Underpants was just an awesome book to elementary schooler me, but to see a well animated, well written movie about a dude in his underwear was nothing short of a simple yet powerful masterpiece. As for Batman, this is one of the three truest DC and Batman movies around this time, and it has a gay undertone with Batman and the Joker’s relationship (how can you not pull that off, Suicide Squad?). While not a big fan of lego myself, The Lego Movie put my faith WB making another one equally as good, and they did not disappoint. It’s a shame it got snubbed at the Golden Globes, it deserves the award more than the Boss Baby. Plus it had a Superman that didn’t bore me while having a terrible CGI lip job that’s only made worse by his two way dick nose....

Justice League costed 300,000,000 dollars.............

6. DANGER & EGGS

To me, this series felt like one of the few steps forward the world took to make the LGBT+ community feel more welcome and inspired in public outlets; a small step, but progressive none the less. It is a colorful and lively action comedy, a first to be created by a transgender person, where you can see a non-binary character, a pride fest, diverse background characters of orientation and ethnicity, and it feels like they are a part of the world and not footnotes that states that you should respect queer, bi, ace, and so on based on a say so. It’s a show don’t tell type of series and it brightened my summer before I had to remind myself that college exists and is expecting me.

5. TANGLED: THE SERIES

*ring ring* “Hello?” Ye, Disney? How fucking dare you?

My hype for this was undoubtful. I love Tangled the movie, I consider it one of my favorite 2010 disney flics beside Wreck it Ralph and Moana. And when the art style was up for a preview for this (?), I just sat and waited until it finally premiered and damn. I never stopped loving it, but it is until episode 16 where the series starts to hit high note after high note with the direction it’s going for the story. The fact that this all takes place not long after the movie makes the thought where Eugene and Rapunzel finally get married feels all the more earned. It’s working its way to a happily ever after, I adore this show, and this makes me appreciate Frozen a bit more for how far that’s fallen in the world after its one year of fame. Seriously, Gigantic had to get chopped, but Olaf can still live? Give me a break, Disney.

“Sir, I understand your enthusiasm....but this is Domino’s.” Then I will have the 5.99 large with Salchicha and pepperoncini with a liter sprite on delivery.

4. MADE IN ABYSS

This was so beautiful, so awesome, and much better than...

I wasted my life and I cannot say that I will ever reclaim that time proactively again the Anime

Made in Abyss is like Hunter x Hunter except Gon’s more booksmart and Kilua’s a timid robot. The bond between Riko and Reg was a fucking dynamic and heartfelt where Riko’s helps build Reg up and Reg kept Riko and himself safe with his bodily arsenal. That and this series has the best world building where they not only give the low down on almost everything about the titular abyss, but the atmospheric environments and the designs of the inhabiting creatures made this a unique world to want to explore myself. It knew what to show, and knew what to share. When things got serious, I actually tensed up at the thought of shit truly going down; they knew how to soften the terror while maniacally instill fear in us for the safety of the traveling kids. I want to recommend this link to an awesome breakdown of how great Made in Abyss was. However, as it seems that a season two has gone down the abyss as well, and I’m afraid it can’t come back up.

3. LET’S BE HEROES!!

Is it safe to call this the M.U.G.E.N. of cartoons? Just an all up mashup of stuff I love in a Saturday morning? Campy, action, and laid back, this is something I can be sober or grab some kush and I would be enjoy the show just the same. They even have references you might not have ever heard of, but might like the search. OK KO’s a popcorn cartoon, it’s not for everybody, but it established itself well into the modern CN era when Adventure Time finally has to move on. 

2. SAMURAI JACK

Getting this out of the way: episode 6 toiled the final season of Samurai Jack for me. Not gonna go into detail, but if that episode was remade, I would have been more satisfied looking back. However, that does not stop me from saying this is how a revival should be, this is how a reboot should work, THIS is how you can bring nostalgia back. Samurai Jack was great back then, but this season, wrapping up the loose plight of our boy trying to get back to the past and defeat the demon Aku, was satisfactory to many fans. Even those who’ve never heard or remember Jack could just enjoy this as a dynamic mini-series; it gives you context of what happened before without having to recap the original plot of it. For non fans, it’s mostly about an ageless samurai, longing to return to his own time, stuck in the future for over 50 years to the point of losing his honor and his mind. It’s a binge worthy 10 episode season, originally intended to be a movie, and aside from polar opinionated finale, this made Samurai Jack feel great to love again.

1. TRUE AND THE RAINBOW KINGDOM

This is a personal choice from me because 2017 was an honest to god terrible year for me; nothing but turmoil, season to season, and the struggle to cope with that despair in a way I felt actually could help. However, this small series here boosted my spirits because even with it being a show for little kids that I originally wanted to watch as a joke, the competent, enthusiastic spirit it had just moved me in a way that cartoons that I love for eons could only try to do on a whim. It’s not the best made cartoon, it’s not something I sincerely recommend to you all, but it helped me realize that the best thing about life is finding and seeking things that don’t just distract you from the hard and testing times reality puts on you, but gives you a moment of honest bliss and happiness that can influence your outlook on looking forward to better things because things like this, cartoons like this, CAN make you feel better. 

*sniff* Which is why, the actual cartoon of the year....

1. is STEVEN U., BABY!

Just kidding, guys! You will NEVER win, Steven!

TEEN TITANS GO! WINS IT AGAIN, BABYYYY! ONCE AGAIN BABY (i don’t even like it no more...), YOUR NEW FAVORITE SHOW (i don’t even fucking like it no...) RISES TO THE TO-

But Steven Universe in Space, though. That’s when it’ll be great again.