#This whole blog is a sixth sense joke.

[gardenofnoah]

i’m coming up on a year of having this blog and i thought i’d do something with this drabble that i can’t stop thinking about so. yeah! thanks for reading my little stories and saying such nice things to me for a whole year <3 love u 

summary: in his 40s, touya isn’t expecting anything outside of his normal, comfortable routine. you come along and give him far more than he ever wanted. oddly enough, he doesn’t think he minds. 

tags: MDNI, i’ll call this a medium burn, mentions of drinking, reader uses she/her pronouns and is called a lady,etc, age gap (unspecified but like 10 years--both are consenting adults), very little angst (like, the least i’ve ever written. this is just cute, if you can believe that.), smut (dry humping, oral), this is very much a comfort fic to me idk. wc: 10.1k

much to his utter disdain, Touya sees you everywhere after your first encounter. and often. 

you have this awful habit of just popping up. in the stool next to him at the bar, with such regularity that his friends now joke about it being your stool, and then around town—everywhere he goes. it’s a small town, sure—but he still finds it ridiculous. even more ridiculous—the fact that you might be growing on him, despite all his resistance. 

he doesn’t know when he started expecting you to hop up on that stool every friday. has no idea when he memorized your drink order, or when he started ordering it for you preemptively. this goes on every friday for weeks—until you don’t show up.

and he’s irritated then, because it makes him sore—where else could you possibly be? 

“where’s your girl?”

“don’t know,” he mutters. he catches the smirk on his friend’s face out of the corner of his eye. “and she’s not my fuckin’ girl.”

that makes him laugh, and Touya turns away in a huff, face burning. 

“sure she’s not.”

it’s another two weeks before he sees you. not that he was counting. 

when he sees you again, it’s a tuesday, and he’s just wrapped up at his neighbor’s house. he carries two loaves of bread in one arm, and his toolbox in the other. the old woman had chased him out of there early, telling him, “it’s a nice night. go out there and find you someone!”.  he snorts, kicking a bit of asphalt down the pavement. that old bat acts worse than his mother. 

there are a few vendors lined up along the road, so he lets himself take his time—strolling casually, eyes raking over the stalls. it is a nice evening—warm, but the breeze is cool as it rustles through his hair. he sees a white tip from the corner of his eye and it almost startles him. it doesn’t matter how much distance he puts between himself and Dabi—it still surprises him when he realizes that he is not the same. physically or otherwise. 

lost in his thoughts, he finds himself nearly home when he sees you in his peripheral, taking something from the merchant of the produce stall across the street. he has half a mind to turn and walk the opposite way (away from his house) just to avoid this interaction—still wholly irritated over wasting the $7 on your stupid little drink, and that’s all—but you seem to have a weird sixth sense when it comes to him, and your head snaps up in his direction right before he can make a break for it. you give him that stupid smile that he has to look away from, waving at him happily before you take off in his direction. 

he considers if he still has time to flee, but then you’re there in front of him. 

“Touya!” you beam up at him, totally ignoring the scowl he levels you with, “what are you doing here?”

“i live here,” he grumbles, looking away from you again, “what are you doing here?”

“ah, i visit my family on tuesdays. whatcha got there?” 

he pointedly looks down at the bread in his arms, and back up at you. you’re looking at it a little too intensely, eyebrows scrunched together like you’re trying to figure something out—and then the moment’s gone, and you’re smiling up at him again. 

“want to share?” you ask, holding up your bag of produce to him. 

he doesn’t, but he finds himself next to you anyway, sitting on a retaining wall while you chatter away—kicking your feet out and handing him slices of an orange between your own bites. 

he learns more about you. early 30s (so not as young as he’d guessed, but still young enough to make him cringe), living alone like he is. you grew up in town, moved away for a while, and then came back. you don’t really like sweets but you do like fruit—hence the overflowing tote bag full of it—and you’re more inclined to reach for tea than coffee. you own the little flower shop a few blocks down. he thinks it suits you—and then he shakes his head, trying to dislodge the thought. 

“i’m having an issue with the floor though, so part of the shop has been blocked off for a few weeks. not great for the foot traffic, but what can you do,” you shrug absentmindedly, more focused on digging another piece of fruit out of your bag. you settle on a peach, and it’s quiet between you for a beat. as if waiting for the silence, the thought that he’d been holding back for the better part of an hour finds its way out of his mouth. 

“haven’t seen you at the bar,” he mutters, picking a stringy bit of peel off the orange piece he’s been holding. 

“huh? oh, yeah. i had a wedding order that i was working on. it was so….much,” you shudder like you went off to war instead. “why, did you miss me?”

he looks away, eyes narrowed in a scowl. “just was a waste of a drink, s’all.”

he regrets it as soon as it leaves his mouth. 

“a drink? my—oh. wait.”

your eyes go wide—he should’ve known you’d catch on to the meaning behind his words and he wants to die—

“forget it—“

“Touya,” you cut him off, and he can hear your shit eating grin, “were you hoping to see me?”

he’s sure he’s gone bright red and resists the urge to recede into himself like a snail into a shell. now he’s irritated, because did you think your drink just magically appeared in front of you every friday? he can feel the smugness radiating off of you—you want him to say it. he huffs, still looking away from you. 

“just…was a waste of money,” he grits out, knowing fully that he hasn’t worried about money in quite some time, “figured you’d be there.” 

you hum, and he still can’t look at you. refuses to, actually. 

“sorry, Touya,” you tell him, and it sounds so genuine that he finds himself turning to you, just to check—to make sure you’re not fucking with him. “i’ll be sure to let you know the next time i won't be there.” 

he rolls his eyes at the way you’re smiling softly at him, always like you know something he doesn’t. he mumbles out a clipped “whatever” and he hates the way he sounds like he did when he was 23. you don’t pay it any mind though, right back to talking his ear off. 

“so do you live, like, really alone? or do you have a pet? you strike me as a gerbil guy.” 

he huffs out a laugh at that, caught wholly off guard at the thought of being the gerbil guy (have you seen him?) and you smile at the sound, clearly pleased with yourself. 

“no gerbil. a dog,” he finally takes a bite of the orange he’s been cradling in his palm for the better half of the last 20 minutes. your eyes don’t leave him. 

“mm. chihuahua,” you say solemnly, and he whips his head around to look at you, expression all twisted and incredulous. 

“a big fuckin’ dog, you brat.” 

you laugh at his outburst, seeming to get some sort of pleasure out of riling him up. 

“can i meet him?” 

he looks at you then, and you’re really laying it on thick—wide eyes blinking up at him, bottom lip jutted out in a little pout. he can’t find it in himself to say no to you. with a sigh, he pushes himself up from the wall. 

“c’mon then.” 

it’s a short walk to his place and you’re vibrating behind him. shoving his key into the lock, he hears the familiar thumping of a tail, at about the same frequency as your incessant excitement at his back—he wonders just what he’s done to attract this level of energy. 

“wait a minute—he’s going to jump at you—“

“oh, who cares. let me see him!” 

he shakes his head, swinging open the door. he sees his big oaf of a dog rear up to jump, and then—

and then his jaw drops, because for what may very well be the first time, his dog is suddenly sitting. 

you squeal and the dog isn’t much better off—practically wiggling away from his spot on the floor and whining at the sight of you, but still sitting. 

“Touya!” you laugh, shoving past him to throw your arms around the dog’s neck, squeezing him tightly, “i know this dog!”

“you—huh?” 

“i—“ your own laugh cuts you off, giggling while the dog fights your grip to lick you directly on the face, “i know him! did you get him at the shelter in town?”

“…yeah?”

“oh man! i used to volunteer—i was there when he was dropped off. i was with him all the time—taught him some manners—but then i took that job out of town for a little bit, so i didn’t get to see him after that.” 

Touya, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that his dog is sitting, can’t bring himself to formulate a coherent reply. 

“oh, i was so worried about him,” you say quietly, hugging the dog tighter, “i’m really glad you have him. what did you name him?”

that snaps him out of it, and he looks away, sheepish. 

“i—uh. didn’t.” 

you blink at him, processing, and then you frown. 

“are you kidding me?”

he shrugs, looking at the dog— who, also for the first time, seems to be glaring at him with the same sentiment. 

you sigh, shaking your head. “that won’t do,” you mutter, more to the dog than to him. “i think i called him Buck.” 

as if on cue, Buck’s tail thumps against the floor. 

“why?” 

“not sure,” you say, scratching behind a fuzzy ear, “he just reminded me a little bit of a deer.” 

Touya scoffs, completely in the dark as to how the two were even remotely similar. 

“alright. Buck it is, then.” 

you smile, patting the dog on the head as if he’d done anything worth rewarding. with a sigh you get to your feet, stretching a bit. 

“i really do have to go see my family now,” you tell him, and he swears he hears a tiny bit of regret in your voice, “but thanks for letting me see Buck.” 

he only nods, watching you bend down to kiss Buck square on his stupid blockhead. 

“see you Friday?”

he swallows thickly, nodding again. your eyes are too bright. 

“okay. see you, Touya.” 

“hey,” he stops himself from reaching for you as you go to open the door, “i can…look at that floor for you. if y’want.” 

every time he thinks he’s used to the way you just throw your emotions around like live grenades, he’s not—you smile at him so brightly he thinks you might just kill him. 

you have a hunch that Touya is secretly a really good guy. 

it’s almost endearing—how hard he tries to be so prickly—but it’s always all for naught, because he can’t help but go out of his way to do things for you. 

you don’t know what to call the relationship—you gathered enough information from hushed whispers to his friends anytime he left his stool at the bar to know that he pointedly did not seek out the affections of women (“or men,” one of his friends said with a shrug, like they weren’t really sure). you weren’t clear on where that left you, so you were content to keep learning what you could about him—to stick around, as long as he tolerated you. 

and he just barely does that, but you have a hunch it’s a farce. especially when take out cups full of freshly steeped tea start appearing on your counter in the shop, more days than not.

you lean against the wood top, sipping today's tea with both hands to warm yourself while you watch Touya work. autumn was in full swing now, and you had some difficulty keeping the shop to your preferred level of warmth, but it didn’t seem to bother him. your eyes linger on the hem of his old t-shirt, rising up in the back just a little when he reached for a different tool. it was obvious that time had softened him a bit, but he was still in shape. your vision followed the faded, looping scar that moved with the curl of his bicep as he worked each tool. it was hard not to stare. 

it was even harder to get away with it. 

“you’ll burn a hole in my head, brat.” 

“just checking your work,” you tell him through a grin. trying very hard to feign nonchalance.

“oh yeah?” Touya looks at you over his shoulder, smirking at you. you feel it bodily. “what’s the verdict?” 

“looks….” you pause, examining the array of tools and the sizable hole he’s created in the floor, “yeah. yep. like good work.”

he scoffs, shaking his head and turning back to the task at hand. you resist the urge to slam your head off the counter—settling for tapping in lightly as reprimand for your less than intelligent response. 

you decide that the best way to get the embarrassment to dissipate is to do the thing that is quickly becoming your favorite activity: bothering him. 

“pick a color.” 

“what?”

“i said pick a color, grandpa.”

the sigh he lets out makes you laugh. “you fuckin’—fine. red. what’re you doing?” 

you smile at him, and you watch him flush. it makes you giddy. 

“nothing,” you drawl, sing-songy and incriminating, “don’t you worry your little heart about it.” 

“you are the worry to my little heart,” he deadpans, not bothering to look up from the measurement he’s taking. 

another thing you learn about Touya—he’s got a bit of a (dry) sense of humor. he seems to enjoy making you laugh.

there’s a lull in customers and you use it to your advantage—you go around to every bucket to ensure that each cut stem is submerged, and take out the wilted ones to dry. you don’t sell those ones—you just hang them up around the shop. you think it’s better not to waste them. 

you also pull out some good looking red ones, as inconspicuous as you can—you gather a tulip, a few poppies, a peony, and a big, variegated chrysanthemum for the center. 

you hold the makeshift bouquet behind your back as you approach Touya—padding over to him quietly until you’re close enough to lean into his space. 

“whatcha thinking about?” 

he spares you a pointed glance over his shoulder. “pest control.” 

“har har,” you plop down right next to him, grinning at the way he bristles. of course it’s all for show—he doesn’t move an inch. 

“made you something.” 

“hm?”

you bring the bouquet out from behind your back, brandishing it in front of him dramatically. “tada!”

his eyes go wide—you see it take a minute for him to process that you’re giving him a gift. he sets his tools down and reaches for it, tentatively, like you’re going to fake him out at the last second. you meet him halfway, setting it in his hands. 

“well?” you ask after a minute, “what do you think? i do pretty well, right?” 

he’s quiet—turning the flowers over and back again, like he’s committing all of the little petals to memory. “what are they?”

you tell him about each flower—where they grow naturally, what conditions they like to live in, how to take care of them. he listens intently, never looking away from them. 

“you don’t have to keep them,” you tell him after another moment of silence, “it was just a silly thing.”

“no,” he says, firmly. he looks at you out of the corner of his eye and lets out a breath, looking back down at the flowers. “s’nice. thanks.” 

you have to physically stop yourself from jumping up and cheering. 

“you’re welcome, old man,” you murmur, nudging his shoulder with your own.

he groans, grumbling a lighthearted “get away from me” as he shoves you back playfully. you let out some sort of dramatic squeal as you topple over, and you don’t miss the tiny smile that stretches across his face as he sets the flowers down next to him and gets back to work. 

customers come in and out throughout the afternoon—most not paying any mind to Touya as he works. there are a few customers that eye him hesitantly—and there are one or two that stare pointedly at the scars that split his face. it feels like second nature to drop the customer service persona then—and to do things like drop their change on the counter and revel in the way they scramble to catch it before it rolls off onto the floor. 

“have the best day,” you say to one particularly rude customer, all but shooing her out of the door. 

Touya huffs out a laugh when you walk back toward him. “didn’t think you had it in you, kid.” 

you cock an eyebrow at him. “what’s that supposed to mean?” 

“surprised you didn’t kick out her kneecaps on the way out.” 

“yeah, well,” you huff, waving a hand at the thought of someone so dreadfully rude, “she would’ve deserved it.” 

“why’s that?”

you meet his eyes, then, and for the first time since you met him you think about the fact that they’ve seen terrible things. you knew of Touya, of course—all of Japan did. you knew he’d been through something awful and did things that you couldn’t imagine the man in front of you doing now. you know that he would not be surprised if you told him the reason why you felt she deserved it. you wonder if it bothers him the way it bothers you, or if time has hardened him to his own mistreatment. 

“don’t worry about it,” you tell him, walking back behind the counter. 

you haven’t seen much of Touya for the last few weeks. 

you’d gotten another big order—what would probably be one of the last before winter really set in— so you were busy. he’d stop by sometimes with the excuse of checking the floor (and always with a tea for you in hand), but you learn that he’s uncomfortable with lingering, and he’s usually gone as quickly as he came. 

you don’t mind—it’s nice to know he’s thinking of you. you’ve just been wondering if it’s in the way you want him to—and a lot more than you should be, lately. 

you concede to having a little crush on him. who wouldn’t? he’s incredibly sweet in his own way and very nice to look at and you suppose anyone would if they’d gotten the opportunity to get to know him over the several months that you have. so what if you’re thinking about where he’s at or if he’s eaten lunch or if he’s at the bar without you, more often than not? it’s just a little secret you keep to yourself.

you try not to think about how it’s one that would make him never speak to you again if he found out about it. 

you let out a groan, looking down at the half-formed bundle of alstroemeria and eucalyptus in your hands. you’d been staring at it for 20 minutes now and the motivation to continue just wasn’t coming. you suppose it was as good of a time as any to take a break. 

standing up from the floor and stretching your arms above your head, your spine rewards you with a few satisfying pops as you get yourself moving again. your eyes scan the shop, surveying the damage—most of it caused by you in the last few weeks, with scraps of paper wrap and loose stems strewn about. the shop could definitely use a deep cleaning, but little things like that were just part of routine upkeep, so you don’t mind. it’s only when you roll out your neck that you spot it: a tiny, but noticeable, brown stain on the ceiling that certainly wasn’t there before. you lift your phone above your head to snap a picture of it. 

sent 5:57pm>>> hi. do you think this is a big deal

received 5:59pm>>> looks like water damage

received 5:59pm>>> when did that happen?

sent 6:00 pm>>> not sure. just saw it

sent 6:00 pm>>> if i just pretend it’s not there will it go away?

received 6:01 pm>>> that ever worked for you before?

sent 6:04 pm>>> i don’t like your tone 

received 6:06 pm>>> cry about it. i’ll be over to look at it tomorrow

you smile at his brashness, setting your phone down on the counter. it really was very hard to not be enamored by him. you shake your head, trying to get rid of the thought like a wrong  answer in a magic 8 ball. you have no such luck, but you realize what time it is and feel relieved. It’s tuesday—you can finally start getting ready to see your family. 

you clean up and pull on the spare coat you have in the shop storage room, locking the shop door behind you as you leave. your grandparents don’t live far—just a mile or so down the road, and it’s not too cold to walk yet, so you don’t mind the trek. 

you have a standing weekly visit at your grandparents’ place. they’re just about the only family you have left, and they’re slowing down a bit. it’s meaningful to you to spend time with them when you can—even if your grandmother insists on filling it with her insistence that you find a boyfriend.

you know she means well, so you tolerate it. your grandparents’ love story is one for the ages—high school sweethearts, together and in love ever since. the dynamic is an amusing one—your grandmother, ever the chatterbox, and your grandfather, only ever amused and endeared by his wife’s inherent ability to take up space. you have always really admired their relationship, but a small part of you believed for a long time that there was something wrong with you for not being able to have the same thing. now that you’re older, you don’t feel that way—but that doesn’t make being on the receiving end of the badgering any easier. 

like you’ve summoned her with your thoughts, she’s on the front stoop when you approach the house—hand already on her hip like she’s winding up to start her lecture.

“i was starting to think you wouldn’t come!”

“am i late?” you ask genuinely, pulling your phone out to check the time. 6:26pm—you’re early. 

“you might as well be!” she quips, pulling you into a hug. you can smell dinner cooking through the open window behind her. you close your eyes, content to be held in the moment. you miss this feeling of home every time you leave—

“alright you old bat, s’fixed. you gotta quit dumping cooking oil down the—oh.”

your eyes snap open at the familiar voice and you find blue eyes staring back at you, shocked as you’ve ever seen them. you blink, still mid-embrace and trying to comprehend why Touya is standing in your grandmother’s doorway. or why he’s a little sweaty and dirty and wearing that tight old t-shirt. if he’s always worn a bandana to keep the hair out of his eyes, or if that’s a new thing and either way, why haven’t you seen it? it takes another long minute before you remember how to get words to come out of your mouth. 

“i–uh. hi...hi Touya.” you stutter a little, and your grandmother notices that you’ve gone completely rigid in her arms. she pulls away to look at you, and then at Touya, and back to you—

and your stomach drops when you see the most shit eating grin spread across her face. 

you give her your best you wouldn’t dare look. 

she just smiles at you sweetly as if to say: i absolutely would.

“do you have dinner plans, Mr. Todoroki?”

he blinks. “i–uh–”

“no? excellent. go wash up! you can join us.”

she starts back up to the door with more pep in her step than you’ve seen in a long time, patting Touya’s shoulder before shoving him unceremoniously to the side with surprising strength and walking back into the house. 

you’re left out there together, both clearly still trying to play catch up. true to your nature, you’re the first to break the silence.

“i see you’ve met my grandmother,” you say with a laugh, starting up the steps. he shakes himself in time to open the door for you.

“you’re related to that dinosaur?”

you pin him with your best glare. “that’s not nice. she came after the dinosaurs.”

he follows in after you, the smallest smirk on his face. that you caused it makes your chest feel light. 

dinner is relatively tame. to your genuine surprise, your grandmother sticks to easy topics, save for one comment about how you’re “getting up there” and should start thinking about children. 

“oh my god, Mam,” you squeeze the bridge of your nose, exasperated. you look to Touya for help—who is clearly very amused and not interested in saving you from this. 

“i’m just saying,” you grandmother waves a dismissive hand at you, “now who wants dessert?”

you leave the house a few hours later—with Touya in tow, because he refused to let you walk home in the dark by yourself. you certainly don’t mind the company.

“i can’t believe i didn’t put it together that you knew my grandparents,” you say, shaking your head. no wonder those bread loaves, months ago now, had looked so familiar. 

“been helpin’ them out with maintenance stuff around the house,” he mutters, the hands in his pockets the only indication that he feels the evening chill, “they’re good people.”

the way that he talks about them makes you feel warm. “i’m really happy to hear that,” you sigh. you bump into him, and he stays close. “i’m sorry you have to put up with all of my grandmother’s antics though.”

he huffs a laugh, looking at you from the corner of his eye, “s’not so bad. except maybe when she’s trying to arrange a marriage for me with half the town.”

“oh god,” you turn to him in absolute horror, “she does that to you, too? i thought it was just because i’m her grandkid. she really wants to have great grandkids.”

he laughs when you shudder. “what, you’re not gonna give ‘em to her?”

you make a face at that. “no. kids are great, just…not really something i ever wanted.”

you think you see him physically deflate with something akin to relief out of the corner of your eye. you smile and try not to read into it. 

the wind picks up and you shiver. Touya blinks down at you.

“you didn’t think to wear a thicker coat?”

you roll your eyes pointedly at him. “no, dad, i didn’t.”

he scowls at you, clearly not entertained, but then he’s shrugging off his own jacket and draping it over your shoulders.

“what are you doing? it’s too cold!”

“s’fine,” he mutters, brushing up against you with each step, “can’t really feel it.”

you go quiet while you consider this, eyes drifting to the textured skin that wraps around his bicep. there’s an ache in your chest that flares up whenever you think about Touya, small and proud and burned within an inch of his life. you wonder if he still feels it, 30 some odd years later. you want to reach for him, but you think better of it.

“do they hurt still?” you ask quietly, after a moment. 

“sometimes.”

you get the sense that he wouldn’t mind if you asked more, but you’re not sure what to say. you don’t think it would be fair to ask him to relive any of it to satisfy your own curiosity. there’s just one thing you’d still like to know. 

“are you angry?”

he gives you a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes when he looks down at you. his gaze is searching, like he’s looking for your fear—fear of him, of what he’s done. you know he won’t find any. 

“no.”

the rest of the walk home is shrouded in comfortable silence, save for the crunch of shoes against pavement. all too quickly you’re at the door to the shop again.

you dig for the keys for your apartment on the second floor while Touya leans against the door frame, watching you. 

you feel the metal dig into your palm when you close your fist around them. you look back up at him, and it’s almost startling how soft he looks right now. unguarded.

“can i hug you?” you ask, startling yourself a little. he’s so clearly not a touchy guy, but you hope he’ll indulge you—just this once. 

his eyes widen for a fraction of a second, and then his face smooths back into his practiced stoicism. he rolls his eyes, but steps forward anyway. you feel like you just won the lottery. 

“make it quick, brat.”

you nearly tackle him in your excitement and you hear him grumble next to your ear. you feel an arm loop around your shoulders, and you are suddenly very aware that your little crush is far larger than you thought. you file it away for later, because the beat of his heart against your ear feels far more important right now. everything about him is warm—you stifle a sigh at the immediate comfort that rolls over you like a wave. 

“now go inside before y’get sick.”

you resist the urge to pout. you stay there for another beat—and he doesn’t move either. 

you untangle yourself from him with a sigh. if you didn’t know any better, you’d interpret the look on his face as something close to disappointment. you start shrug your shoulders out of his jacket to hand it back to him, but he stops you.

“just, ah—” he starts, looking away from you, “give it back to me tomorrow. when i fix your fuckin’ mess.”

you raise an eyebrow, posturing to argue, but something in his expression tells you not to.

“okay,” you say finally, quiet between you, “be careful going home. goodnight, Touya.”

he lingers for a moment more before letting out a little grunt and turning on his heel. your eyes trail over the expanse of his shoulders as he grows fainter down the road until he disappears into the dark.

you drag yourself up the stairs, suddenly feeling exhausted. you stumble through the dark of your apartment until your knees knock into your bed frame. you fall into bed face first, not bothering to change or even get under the covers. still wrapped in the jacket that smells like him.

you dream of fire that warms but doesn’t burn. 

“good morning, Mr. Todoroki.”

Touya nearly comes out of his skin, hissing as he hits his head off of the counter he’s crouched under. it would be impressive, how stealthy the old bat was, if it wasn’t so god damned annoying.

“how many times do i have to tell you not to call me that?” he grumbles, rubbing the sore spot on the back of his head as he gets to his feet. she only chuckles.

“you’ll have to forgive me for not addressing you with the same familiarity that my granddaughter does.”

he whips his head around to look at her—which he finds to be a mistake, because she’s just looking at him with that knowing old lady smirk that makes his skin itch. 

“don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” he mutters, stooping down to lodge himself as far under the counter as he needs to to avoid the rest of this conversation. 

“oh, please. do i look like i was born yesterday?”

he pauses, mid crouch, to look back at her over his shoulder. she clicks her tongue at him. “don’t answer that.”

“i think it would be nice for you both to have…companionship,” she settles on the last word like it’s not really what she wanted to say, and it reminds him far too much of his mother. usually he’d shut this conversation down, but for a reason unknown to him, he doesn’t. 

“don’t y’think i’m a little too old for her?” he asks, half-joking. he’d be a liar to say that he hadn’t thought about it at length. 

she waves a dismissive hand at him, rolling her eyes. “oh please—you wouldn’t know too old if it hit you upside the head.” 

he hides another smirk from her—which she seems to expect anyway, shaking her head with a sigh. 

“you’re both babies still,” she says quietly, with all of the wisdom and yearning of someone who has lived as long as she has, “you have nothing but time. just don’t waste it.”

Touya’s not sure when the shift happened, but he’s acutely aware that it has happened. 

he’s doesn’t know when he started allowing you to touch him. he’s usually uncomfortable with that sort of thing—it tends to aggravate his skin and it does well to make him feel queasy. but you lay your arm over his to show him something about your flowers on your phone, and he doesn’t feel any urge to reel back from you. he wants to be surprised at his lack of reaction, but he supposes he’s not—proximity to him has always been something you’ve insisted on, physical or otherwise. 

the bar is crowded tonight, which leaves him feeling uneasy. the noise level grates at his nerves and he finds himself having to lean into you just to hear what you’re saying. it sours his mood immensely. 

he’s scowling into his beer when he feels you crowd his space. his head snaps up, ready to gripe at you, and he finds you’re turned away from him. he looks around you and sees that your space has been crowded—by some rowdy little punk he’s never seen before.

immediately and on some sort of primal instinct, Touya wraps an arm around you, yanking you into his side. you brace yourself with a hand on his chest to avoid flat out headbutting his chin. 

“hey,” he snarls over your head, eyes like daggers at the offender, “watch where you’re fuckin’ going.”

the man turns around, posturing to defend himself, but one look at Touya has his eyes widening in the same expression of fear that he sees on everyone else’s face. usually the reaction sits in his stomach like a rock, but this time, he revels in it. “and while you’re at it, you can apologize to her.”

his looks down at the ground immediately, unwilling to spend another minute under scrutiny. 

“sorry about that,” he mutters dejectedly. Touya feels your grip tighten around the hem of his shirt, but to his surprise, you say nothing. 

“get the fuck out of here,” he barks, and he holds back a laugh as the man does just that—completely forgetting about the drink he ordered. 

shaking his head, he lets you go—expecting you to scramble away from him and back to your stool. he feels himself cringe—he probably embarrassed you.

he’s worried when he realizes you’re still tethered to him by the fabric of his shirt. 

“hey,” he murmurs, trying to push you back gently to look at your face, “you alright, kid? you’re not hurt, are you?”

you let go of him, albeit reluctantly. you only move back far enough to tilt your head back to meet his eyes. he can only think of how close you are.

“Touya,” you rasp, cheeks flushed and looking at him through half-hooded eyes, “that was, um—really hot.”

he blinks at you, a little dumbfounded. his eyes rake over your face, trying to find the punchline somewhere. wholly anticipating you to snap out of it and laugh at him—to tell him what a fool he is for falling for such a cruel joke.

but your expression never changes, and he realizes at once that it’s one of desire. 

a shudder wracks up his spine. he pulls you toward him again, splaying his fingers across your back to feel the way it arches into him. he dips his head down, lips next to your ear. fighting a smirk at the way you shiver in his hold.

“come back to mine?”

you nod emphatically, and he’d tease you about it if he wasn’t feeling the same level of urgency. he throws a couple bills on the bar top and all but hauls you out the door. he has no idea what he’s doing, but he’s half out of his mind right now and can’t find it within himself to think it over before he does something he might regret. 

his own desire is nearly stifling, and he finds he can’t go another minute without something to satiate him, if only for a moment. he pulls you into the alley next to the bar, crowding you against the brick.

“you drunk?” he asks suddenly—slivers of rationality making it through the haze of such thick lust. you laugh a little, breathy and overwhelmed. he can see the puff of steam from your exhale between you in the cold. 

“not at all,” you murmur, reaching for him. you wrap a finger around one of his belt loops and pull him toward you—he knows with an unsettling certainty that he’d do whatever you asked him to right now. the knowledge burns him from the inside.

“tell me to stop,” his lips are only a breath away from yours, and yet he almost wishes you would tell him to stop, because he’s not sure what comes after this. he’s alarmed by the weight of his own need, and he has a hunch that whatever happens next may not be enough to quell it. 

he has the sudden and sobering thought that he may never get his fill of you. 

“no,” you breathe, and it’s all he needs to bridge the distance. he’s instantly overwhelmed by the soft warmth of your mouth, and lets out a quiet groan when he feels your tongue swipe at the seam of his. he opens his mouth to taste more of you, and he truly cannot get enough. you pull his tongue into your mouth, sucking on it gently, and he is nearly frantic when he pulls away from you. he feels absolutely debauched and a little humiliated—in his 40-some odd years, he’s never known himself to get so worked up over some kissing. 

“we need to go right now,” he rasps, panting against your mouth. he feels your smile against him and wants to swallow you whole. 

“lead the way, old man.”

he barely registers making it through the door—has no idea how he managed to unlock it, let alone open it—before he has you pressed up against it. to touch you like this feels foreign, and he wants to feel everything. after a moment, he gets impatient with himself. he grabs you around the backs of your thighs, hauling you up and carrying you to his bedroom. he has half a mind to thank Buck later, for not bounding between the two of you and ripping him from whatever trance you have him suspended in right now. 

he drops you onto the bed unceremoniously and is quick to follow, mouth chasing yours on the way down. you pull your shirt off and he helps you with your pants—he can’t help but pull back to marvel at you.

your demeanor changes immediately.

you're entirely too tense, breath hitching and your grip on his arms uncomfortably tight. he pulls back to look at you and you flinch. 

“jesus—the fuck are you so jumpy for?”

"i don't know!" you cross your arms over your chest with a huff, red when you look away from him. "maybe i just don't do this as often as you, okay?"

he snorts, rolling his eyes. "i don't do this often."

it’s not exactly the truth—because the truth is that he doesn't do this at all—but he's still got his pride. he’d been touched before, but mostly in his 20s and only when he was just shy of belligerent. only when he could go numb with the certainty that it would be over quickly and that he wouldn’t remember it in the morning. 

no one could hold a flame to you, though—sprawled out underneath him, chest heaving and eyes hooded with unbridled desire. something about it makes him want to reach into the ether and stop time with his bare hands. he wants to savor every bead of sweat that rolls down the curve of your breast, every touch that makes your pupils dilate—the primal need to know takes over everything else.

“i just…” you start, lip jutting out with the tiniest pout. he feels insane. “i feel nervous.”

something inside him twists at your admission, and he finds himself wanting to comfort you. it’s a completely unfamiliar feeling, but he leans into it. 

"relax," he murmurs, unwinding your arms and replacing them with his full body weight, directly on top of you. you squeak, and he presses his smile into the crook of your neck. "don't have to do anything you're not ready for."

he feels you slump underneath him—however minutely—and it feels like a reward. and then your hips kick into his, and his brain short circuits. 

he pushes back onto his forearms to look at you, and he's endeared by the flush that creeps up your neck as you avoid his gaze. he finds it cute, how quickly you lay your ego down for him. that in itself is another reward, and one he doesn't take lightly.

you might be a little embarrassed under his stare, but that doesn't stop the roll of your hips. yours is a slow grind up into him and he meets you with one of his own, firm and demanding. your mouth drops open and the way you shudder under him pulls a groan from him. 

"feel good?" he rasps, sneaking a hand around the back of your neck and holding you there, nosing against your cheek until you turn to him.

"yes."

it's borderline pornographic when it leaves you and his hips stutter—he feels it buzzing underneath his skin as it pushes him closer to a place wholly unfamiliar. 

through his jeans, he's sure you can feel him—hot and aching against the flimsy material of your panties. he huffs a laugh against your lips—suddenly acutely aware of the possibility that he may cum in his pants like a fucking teenager. 

you seem to be aware of that, too. 

you kiss him hard and he nearly whines, and then he actually does when you tangle your fingers in his hair and pull. he reels back from you to catch his breath and you don't let him go very far. 

"you feel so good," murmured into his mouth, it's nearly his undoing. 

"you gotta stop," it sounds a lot like a plea when it leaves him, "i can't—i'm gonna—”

you hook a leg around his waist, keeping him pressed to you. he knows at once that he is well and truly fucked in a fundamental and totally unrelated way. 

"no," you drawl, and it's almost a coo in his ear, "i don't think i will."

he doesn't know when you took the upper hand and he doesn't even care. he's lost in the movement of your hips and he knows that there's a mess between you both—he hears the tacky click of damp fabric meeting with every grind into you. 

"you're—fuckin' wet," he grits out, and he's so close. the knowledge of your arousal has him curling in on himself.

you chuckle, like he's stating something so obvious. "how could i not be?"

he rewards you with a particularly sinful thrust, and you keen underneath him. 

"please," you arch into him, "want you to cum."

and he does just that—all the breath is battered out of him with the force of it. his cock throbs with every wave of release in his jeans and he keeps himself pressed snuggly to you, hips thrusting with no particular rhythm as he rides out the last of it. he keeps his face pressed into your neck and lets out a long, broken groan. he stays there—full body weight collapsed on top of you again—and it's a moment before he comes back to his senses enough to feel your fingers scratch over his scalp. 

"fucking hell," he presses a kiss to your throat and you giggle. it warms something inside of him that's hard to shake once it starts. he has the sneaking suspicion—in this fleeting moment of vulnerability—that it started well before now. 

he gathers his wits and pushes back from you. he sees the look on your face and finds that he couldn't go any farther than an arm's length away, even if he tried. 

adoration. it could only be that—you look at him like he hung the stars in the sky, and it twists in his gut. he doesn't understand—he's done so many wrong things. you look at him like they don't hang above his head—like you can't see them there.

what a sweet little thing that's found their way into his bed. and deeper than that, it seems. 

"want to taste you," he murmurs, leaning back down to drag his lips over the curve of your jaw. you draw in a shuddering breath, nodding, and it fans his ego immensely. 

he takes his time, then—there's intention behind every warm press of his mouth to every inch of your skin. he takes note of the way your breath hitches, and of what makes you squirm. you tip your head back with a moan when he catches a bead of sweat between the valley of your breasts with his tongue. 

you breathe out a whisper of his name when he latches on to the skin that stretches over your ribs, and he feels his own arousal swell again—sloshing around in his gut, thick and needing. he finds himself grinding his hips into the mattress below him—lazy, really. just enough to dull the ache. 

"hold on," you croak, and he looks up at you, "you’re too dressed."

he looks down at himself and realizes that you’re right—he’s still fully clothed. he huffs out a laugh, shaking his head at his own one track mind, and sits up to take care of it. 

he grabs the back of his t-shirt and pulls it over his head in a fluid motion. he feels your gaze on him and feels a little bashful. he’s even quicker with the jeans—soiled and gross as they are now—shoving them down his hips and kicking them from his ankles until his clad in only his (also gross) boxers and leaning over you again. 

you reach for him, brushing your fingertips over the scar across his chest. he half expects you to pull away—to recoil from him like you should—but you don’t. 

“need you, Touya.”

he could just die. 

"s'that right?" he bends down to press another hot kiss to the skin that stretches between your hips. he fixates on the softness of it, and has to stop himself from nuzzling into it. he'd love to draw this out—to really get you pleading for him like he hopes you would, writhing and so wet underneath him. but his own patience nears its end, so he decides to be merciful. he shuffles down until he's eye level with the damp spot in your panties that makes him curse under his breath. 

"look at you," he breathes, dragging a finger through the mess. you let out a whine, arching to chase what little stimulation he's giving you. "poor thing. y'really do need it."

he doesn't wait for your response before his hooking a finger through the fabric and dragging it off of you. a string of your arousal stretches and snaps with it, and he commits the sight to memory. 

he wastes no time—he sticks his tongue out flat and drags it through your folds, groaning at the slick that coats it. 

"oh fuck," you wheeze, reaching down to thread your fingers through his hair to keep him there.

as if you'd ever need to do that. 

he can't get enough of you. so swollen and sweet against his tongue, he's nearly out of his mind with the need for more of it. he dips the tip of his tongue inside you and feels you squeeze around it, and it's unbearable how badly he wants more of you. 

"Touya," you groan out, eyes squeezed shut tight as he pulls your clit into his mouth and sucks, "please—please don't stop—"

he thinks you're fucking insane for ever believing he would. he pulses his tongue against your clit and revels in the way your back arches as you wail—he reaches up to pinch a pebbled nipple between his heated fingers just to feel you.

"oh fuck, fuck fuck—" the words tumble out of your mouth, slurred and nearly incoherent as he flattens out his tongue and lets you chase your pleasure.

in the throes of it, you reach down to tangle your fingers between his own. he's not sure if you even know that you've done it, but the knowledge that you seek him out for such an innocent display comfort has his heart fluttering in his chest. he gives your nipple a particularly harsh tug with his other hand.

"oh i'm gonna cum—" you cry, hips stuttering with every drag of your sex over his tongue, "please, Touya, i'm gonna—"

he squeezes your fingers when you do, and you let out a sob that goes straight to his cock. he feels you tense up—every muscle rigid for only a moment—and then you let it go, and he's mesmerized. it moves through you violently, like waves crashing into the shore during a storm. he keeps your clit between his lips as you thrash, letting you buck against his face, dragging it out for as long as he can. 

he waits until he hears your breathing return to a semi-normal pace before he cleans you up—with his tongue, light and gentle through your folds, not wanting to waste any of the mess you reward him with. he forgets himself and slips his tongue inside of you—drinking up all of your slick. basking in the way you flutter around him and the sweet slide of you down his throat. he only comes back to himself when you start to tremble, whining at the overstimulation. 

he rests his head on the inside of your thigh and closes his eyes, breathing you in. never in his life has he ever felt so satiated by something—it confuses him, to get so much pleasure from you without you ever even touching him. he feels you squeeze his fingers and realizes he's still holding your hand. 

"you with me, kid?"

you sigh, stretching your free leg out. "think so, old man."

he untangles your fingers to rub at your leg, reaching down to knead at the muscles in your calf. you sigh, light and content, and it makes him smile. it's quiet between you then, and he's grateful that you don't feel the need to fill it. he pulls your leg over his shoulder, moving to massage the outside of your thigh. 

"good to me," you sigh sleepily, and he knows you're only a second from falling asleep. 

he doesn't answer—his throat suddenly feels too thick and he doesn't think he can—he just keeps rubbing your muscles gently until your breathing evens out. 

he finds that he doesn't mind being trapped between your legs like this. when he thinks he might even be able to fall asleep, he realizes for the second time that he's in far deeper than he thought he'd be.

he lets his eyes flutter closed and has a hard time thinking of anything wrong with that. 

there’s another shift, after that. the only person that seems to be oblivious to it is you. 

it’s not that you haven’t noticed, because of course you have. Touya becomes uncharacteristically touchy, literally overnight. you bask in it when you can, because you know it’s fleeting. 

that’s where you split off from, well—everyone else. 

“c’mon kid, you can’t honestly think that.”

you huff, glaring into your drink. Touya’s friends had jumped at the opportunity to heckle you the minute he stood up to go to the restroom. you find it endearing, the way they act like little old ladies, gossiping amongst themselves. 

“we’re not together,” you repeat, albeit bitterly, “it’s not like that for him.”

the friend closest to you barks out a laugh, and you pin him with your meanest stare. it only makes him laugh harder. he’s wiping tears from his eyes when Touya comes back, filling the space between you. 

it hurts tremendously to know that this is temporary, and you feel ridiculous for feeling that way. it’s not like it comes as a surprise—you knew very well that Touya wasn’t one for romance or love. you thought you could live with that, especially with the sex being as good as it is—but it was just so easy to believe the opposite was true, because he really was good to you. if you allowed yourself to forget, it was nothing at all to pretend he was because he wanted this, too. 

still—like a magnet, you’re drawn to him. you hop down from your stool to stand beside his, and rest your head on his shoulder. 

“you hungry?,” he turns to murmur into your hair, “i’ll get you fries or somethin’.”

“wow, fries” you scoff, rolling your eyes, “how chivalrous.”

you feel him grin. “wasn’t raised in a barn.”

it’s a bad joke. it lodges itself in your skin and makes you ache for him. you try not to dwell on it. 

“you could’ve fooled me.”  

he rolls his eyes back at you with a little tch, but it’s lighthearted. he slings his arm around your neck and pulls you closer until you’re pressed into the warmth of his side, and presses a kiss to your temple. 

“you know, most men would give up their seats for pretty women.” you tease, leaning into his touch. 

“let me know if you see one, then.” 

“hey!”

he laughs, brushing his lips against your forehead again before leaning back, patting his thigh. 

“c’mon then, pretty lady.”

you feel warm as you climb up into his lap, and when you settle in, it’s like a key inside of a lock. you pointedly ignore the knowing glance from the man to your right, choosing instead to feel every inch that connects you to Touya. it feels like a reward, to mold to him this well—like something you’re owed after trimming off every one of his prickly little thorns for as long as you have. you want to tell him so, but you know he’d clam up or shove you off of him. you keep your feelings where they simmer under your skin and focus on the way his hand trails over the curve of your hip—back and forth, like he means to soothe, but his warmth feels like a brand. you close your eyes and imagine a reality in which he does it because he loves you.  

“you alright?”

it sounds odd, coming from him—like he’s not used to asking the question. you suppose he’s not—he’s never had anyone to check up on. he reaches to brush a strand of hair from your face, and his fingers linger over your brow bone.

you’d been quiet since you left the bar—you’d followed him back to his house with an uncharacteristically little amount of banter. you’d been pliant as he pulled you down on the bed with him—nearly boneless and without so much as a teasing bite on the way down. 

despite yourself, you feel your eyes start to burn. you let out a clipped curse, blinking rapidly and looking pointedly away from him—hoping he wouldn’t press you about it. 

he does. 

“hey, hey,” he says softly, reaching to grab your chin with warm, calloused fingers and turning you to face him, “what’s goin’ on?” 

his blatant concern makes it worse—drives the knife a little deeper into your side—because it’s so starkly different (and far more intimate) from the Touya you started with. it only serves as a reminder of your original suspicion having long been confirmed—that he cares for you because he’s good. not because he loves you. not because he feels this unbearable, aching need that you do. you know there’s no escaping him now—he’s seeded himself somewhere deep in your chest and taken root. when his thumb brushes down over the curve of your jaw, you know that there’s no stopping the words that are about to come out of your mouth. 

“i love you,” the tears crest and fall, and you ache when he brushes them away before they can slip down your temples, “i’m really sorry.”

you’re a little surprised when you see his eyebrows knit together slightly in an emotion that’s definitely not the overt and immediate dismay you thought it would be, but you close your eyes before you can see anything else—before you can watch him pull away from you, genuinely and for the last time. 

you go rigid when you feel his forehead knock into yours, gently and only for an instant. 

“s’that such a bad thing?”

your eyes snap open, and you think the sight might kill you—he’s open and giving you everything with a willingness that makes your breath stutter in your chest. he has his head propped up on his hand to look at you, and it’s almost enough to disarm you completely. 

“don’t be cruel if you’re going to leave,” you hear yourself plead, despite what you’re seeing. he only snorts. 

“and what makes you so sure i’ll do that?”

“i know that you don’t do this shit.”

he smiles at that—a little thing that stretches across his face slow. it amuses him to hear you swear. 

“you’re right,” he murmurs, reaching to brush his fingers over your jaw again. holding you there so gently that it aches. “i don’t. s’different now, though.” 

you blink at him through the sting in your eyes, more confused than anything. he lets out a slow sigh, but it’s not in frustration. 

“you’re stuck to me now,” he says with such a fondness that you feel the words stick themselves to your bones, “m’not going anywhere.”

“i’m not trapping you here, Touya—“

“you’re not,” he agrees, with more patience than he’s ever afforded you. something starts to click in your mind, but for some reason, you find yourself fighting it. 

“you don’t—you’re not—“

“hey,” he cuts you off with a flick to your forehead, “listen to what i’m tellin’ you.”

“it’s…hard. for me.” he says after thinking for a moment, eyebrows furrowed again like he’s trying to make up the words from scratch. “i‘m used to bein’ alone. never really thought about anybody else.”

you’re silent then, mostly stunned, because you don’t think he’s ever said so many words to you. not like this. 

“i’m outta my depth here, kid,” it’s nearly whispered and it feels sacred, like a confession between you. you’re suddenly very aware that he’s giving you something that he’s parting with for the first time in his life. “but i can’t think about ya anywhere but here now. makes me feel a little sick.” 

you reach for him then—tentative fingertips brushing over the rapid fluttering of his heart. he gathers them in his hand and holds you there. 

“i might not be any good at this. but i’d like to try.” 

his words hit your ears one at a time, like coins slotted into a carnival game—they reach your mind with a heavy clink and only when the last one drops in do you really hear him. he’s no casanova, but you understand the sentiment under his words as if he’d spoken it aloud. 

you close your eyes and draw in one more shuddering breath, and it knocks loose the last of your reservations. you turn on your side, facing him fully, meeting the blue of his eyes with a slow smile that makes them narrow at you in suspicion. 

“jeez. you didn’t have to go all soft on me.”

he scoffs, shaking his head. “glad to have you back, you fuckin’ brat.” 

you laugh and he chases the sound, leaning forward until your foreheads knock together again. this time, he stays put. 

“tell me again,” he murmurs, and your heart balloons inside your chest. 

“i love you.”

epilogue—1 year later

Touya trudges up the steps to your apartment after finishing up at your grandparents’. you’d think he’d agreed to remodel the whole house, with how often they call him over now. 

he had a hunch that he wasn’t really there just to make repairs, and he didn’t mind. he knew how much your family meant to you, and he’d be lying if he said they weren’t growing on him, too.

“you bring our girl over here to see us,” the old bat called after him as he walked out the door, “don’t let her work herself to death.”

he was quick to agree, because his concerns were similar—you’d gotten busy as the weather started to warm with the first hint of spring, and you did not appear to be particularly skilled at taking breaks or prioritizing yourself. predictable, but no less annoying. 

walking up the steps to the home you now share, he looks down at the squirming thing in his arms and lets out a sigh. 

it didn’t take much convincing for him to agree to move in. he got to see you everyday (which allowed him to ensure you were, at the very least, feeding yourself) and Buck was over the moon at living in a new space if that meant he could be with you all the time. he couldn’t find a reason to say no (and he really, really didn’t want to), so it was easy to say yes. the smile you gave him when he agreed is imprinted on his heart. 

“babe? you here?”

you call to him in response from the kitchen, not looking up at him when he walks in—you’re hunched over the counter in front of your laptop, going through orders while Buck lays at your feet. he makes no move to greet Touya—in fact, the only acknowledgement Buck spares him is a few thuds of his tail against the tile. Touya narrows his eyes at him. traitor.

“hi,” you murmur, turning your body like you’re going to look at him—except you don’t actually look away from the computer.

“hi,” he grins, not moving in to kiss you like he usually does. waiting for you to turn to him. 

“what did Mam need—oh.”

you’re finally looking at him—except you’re not really looking at him at all, because your eyes are focused on the shivering thing in his arms. 

you look at it, and to him, and then back to it. you’re quiet for a beat, clearly trying to process, and then the thing nearly jumps out of his arms when you throw your head back and laugh.

“what the hell is that—” you say through a wheeze, wiping your eyes on your sleeve,  “Touya—oh my god—where did you get that?”

you close the proximity between you—finally, he thinks—and he bends to kiss your temple when you take the chihuahua from his arms. instantly Buck is on his feet, sniffing the air but otherwise content just to look at the dog in your arms. Touya feels relief at the non-reaction—you really had taught his dog some manners. 

“the fuckin’ thing was rooting around in the trash,” he mutters, slinging an arm around your shoulders, “figured you’d be mad at me if i left ‘im there.”

you roll your eyes and he knows you know it’s a lie—he wouldn’t have been able to sleep if he’d left the dog there. 

“are we keeping him?” you ask absentmindedly, scratching his tiny head. it works to subdue him—the shaking stops (mostly) and he lets out a little huff before relaxing in your hold. it makes you smile, and Touya thinks he’d fill this whole fucking house with chihuahuas if it meant he could see it again. 

“do y’want to?”

you let out a stray chuckle, finally looking up at him. “i guess he’d fit, won’t he?”

he feels the grin stretch across his face. “i don’t know. it’d be a tight squeeze.”

you snort, reaching with your free hand to poke at his ribs. “you have to name him, you know.”

“fuck,” he groans dramatically, pulling another giggle from you, “fine. what about…” he trails off, wracking his brain and looking around the kitchen, praying for even a semblance of inspiration. he sees your half-eaten lunch on the counter, and he thinks about the moldy cold cut he’d had to wrestle out of the little shit’s surprising tight grip—

“lunch meat.”

“...i’m sorry?”

“his name is lunch meat.”

you laugh at that, and the sound reverberates off every cell in his body. 

“it’s a good thing we’re not having kids,” you say through a giggle, “they’d have the worst names.”

he grins at you and you just shake your head, cooing to the tiny dog in your arms. Touya peels himself from you, settling against the counter just to watch. the other surprise—the one he’d actually planned—involved a fancy dinner in the next town over, because it is your anniversary, after all—but right now it feels like he has nothing but time, and to do anything but stand here and feel every second with you would feel like a waste.

this fic belongs to me (@gardenofnoah). i do not allow anyone to repost, edit, or reproduce this work.    

[cboffshore]

Hey there - I'm Lila!

If you're seeing this, it could mean any of the following: you're already a mutual, you like Ninjago, you really like Ninjago's infamous (ha!) sixth season Skybound, or you know me from something else entirely. Or it's none of those and you've just taken a super wrong turn. No matter what - I'm glad you're here!

Join me under the cut for a more detailed look at my account, or just venture off on your own - the choice is yours.

WHO I AM & WHERE TO FIND ME

You can call me Lila! I've been around the Ninjago fandom since 2011 under a whole bunch of different names and accounts, with all the bizarre stories and memories to show for it. Now, though, you can find me under one of two handles: @cboffshore (here and on Bluesky, where I'm not all that active, but it sure beats Twitter!) or OffshoreWriter over on AO3.

My title as Skybound Analysis PhD holder was born from a joke (initially given to me when I overanalyzed Skybound's color scheme and then Flintlocke's development in a Discord server) but grew into, well, not a joke; I take Skybound about as seriously as someone can take a toy commercial cartoon. Through all of my years in the Ninjago fandom, I've never seen a season as misunderstood and contentious as Skybound. Unfortunately, I happen to like it a lot for what it is, and I'm willing to defend it very hard (but don't get me wrong, I know it's got flaws! I'm not completely nuts!). Read this ask for a detailed overview of my position on Skybound analysis.

Outside of Ninjago overanalysis, I'm into a few other things: crocheting, the occasional piece of digital art, music (special faves include I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME, Fall Out Boy, and My Chemical Romance), and Bionicle (but only on a casual "wow cool vibes and killer writing" basis because that timeline does NOT make sense to me.).

SOME STUFF I DO

The best way to get into my work is just to explore all the nooks and crannies of my blog, but for those of you in a rush, here are links to some of my favorite projects:

On Sea, Sunlight, and Sky, aka OSSAS, is what I'd consider the crown jewel of my AO3 catalog: a Nya-centric series diving into her experience during the last few episodes of Skybound. Updated every December until I decide to lay her to rest (which, by the looks of it, will be the 2024 installment), this is my longest-term project that exemplifies how I approach Skybound as a season. If you only check out one corner of my work, make it OSSAS. You can find all things OSSAS under #ossas tag here on my blog (newcomers beware of spoilers!)

Yours To Keep: Rethinking Skybound Through Fashion is an older project of mine that blends fashion design and Nadakhan character analysis. As in, I drew a trio of banger outfits and then wrote essays about what all their details meant. Trust me on this, it's a cool one! (This is a holdover from when my fandom involvement was almost exclusively Ninjago character analysis-based couture fashion art... you can thank Giles Panton for that.)

Sorrow is All The Rage: An Analysis of Sexual Assault in Jay-Centric Skybound Fanfiction is a two (technically, three) part essay detailing my attempts to come to terms with the (frankly rather concerning) trend of gratuitous SA inclusion in a surprising swath of popular Skybound fanfiction. (Spoiler alert: I still think it's weird as hell and I haven't come to terms with it... but I have gotten way better at using the block button to keep it out of my line of sight.) The link in the title will take you to part one; part two is linked at the end, and part three's mini update is lurking somewhere in those tags. Please note: this essay is not an attack, or a condemnation, although it may come across that way at times. This was written largely as a vent piece about an issue that has disturbed me deeply and affected how I go about interpreting Skybound, and that definitely impacted my tone. If you'd like to reference this for any reason, or if you have any questions, please shoot me an ask or DM.

[bluepoodle7]

#Shezow #ThinkingAboutReviewingEachEpisode #Sheviews #MyThoughts

(I will be editing this post a lot and there might be multiple parts.)

I'm thinking about rewatching Shezow again but might make a review on each episode and maybe add my thoughts to it then at the end put what episodes I liked in order.

I wish this show got a second sheason.

Maybe keep the artstyle the same but make it better animated.

Maybe add Dudepow's evil version and Maz's parents.

I'm already dreading She-Phat I remember seeing most of the episodes on The Hub then later just Youtubeing the rest.

--------------------------------

This is my first time reviewing a whole series so go easy on me.

I remember seeing this ad play on the Hub Network Channel when it was a thing.

Then later checked it out.

0:32

Image and video not mine but link is there.

Shezow (Premiere Promo) - Hub Network - YouTube

----------------------

The Pilot differences.

SheeZaam

I have seen the SheeZaam pilot a long time ago when it was basically lost media.

I think this pilot was aired on G4 for the Midnight Spank block but I never watched it but researched about this and the Disney Shezow pilots.

I was too young to watch that and I never knew when it aired.

But I did like the ads for it.

The SheeZaam pilot looks like something I would see on Newgrounds randomly and also the origin of the laser lipstick at 02:20 but it's a actual laser instead of a lightsaber or a beam sword from smash bros.

It's pretty dated like a old school offensive Newgrounds cartoon but for a flash cartoon standards it's okay and it was made in 2005.

If this show stayed adult I know the jokes would either get better with the right writers or worse but it depends on the time period.

I would add these characters as background characters like Joe Halpern just being a trash man then later helping the new Shezow fight crime while making dated jokes and maybe be annoyed by the she puns that replace his cursing.

Maybe make Joe slowly get more progressive in later episodes.

I give it a 5/10.

----------------

The Disney Version Of Shezow.

This aired in 2007 on Disney's Shorty McShorts' Shorts pilot block where I think all the pilots never made it.

I never got to see this on my tv since back then I didn't really watch Disney a lot during those days I was mostly into Cartoon Network, Nick, and maybe other kids networks at the time.

This show really likes the dude looks like a lady joke and the no way José jokes.

I just wonder what the "I wasn't talking about the house." joke was about at 01:02-01:11.

I hope it's not bad.

I wish guy in the new show kept the fart knockers saying though.

Also add back in the bully characters and add José back in as a student that Guy knew before Maz.

01:58

This scene gave me a idea on a artwork I made with the 2012 guy looking in the mirror behind pilot guy.

Also the show made it canon that José was made to not know that Guy and Shezow are the same person which is weird to me but also had a crush on Shezow which is just Guy in bugs bunny drag but not knowing it.

I guess in the 2012 pilot they scrapped that detail.

The Shezow chant is different and its about pinching all the cheeks, the Shelair was hot pink and Sheila is just a lip tv, and feminine intuition or in the 2012 show it's She-S-P or a sixth sense.

The theme is different at 05:09-05:18.

This has the origin of the super sheslap at 03:46-03:48 and the laser lipstick returns but as a laser sword at 04:37 which is interesting to me.

This version of Shezow looks better animated for 2007 then the 2005 which was choppy and I wonder if Disney was brave enough to pick this show up would it be different then the 2012 version.

Also would Guy count as a Disney princess if they made a episode where Shezow got crowned as one?

Also the truck reminds me of the Illbleed trap with the truck from level 3.

The Truck trap I'm talikng about.

A blog about obscurity stuff, plushies and food. on Tumblr - #Woodmill Truck Trap

04:22

Forgot Disney Pilot Shezow has to pull his hair to do the first sonic scream.

02:50-02:59

Also in SheeZaam had that tampon weapon that suck up and contains liquid enemies which is cool.

I wonder if the tv network executives would allow Shezow to carry a tampon or a pad to use as a weapon?

Also the gendered bathroom scene returns in the 2012 version but the 2007 version had it at 05:13.

The 2012 version had the same scene at 0:29.

SheZow Files : She-S-P - YouTube

I give it a 6/10.

SheZow on Vimeo

2012 Shezow Pilot

---------------------

Now we are getting into familiar territory.

The first half is a little different from the Disney pilot.

José is replaced by Maz and has more of a friendship connection than José in the pilot.

Maz has a personality unlike José who is just a joke device and falling in love with your best friend troupe.

The bullies are gone and the "I'm not talking about the house." joke was removed in this pilot.

But in the 2012 Shezow Pilot the movers saying no problem and yep when putting up the furniture in the house.

Instead of in the Disney pilot there is only one mover by himself moving everything inside the house while just saying yep, an mhm noises, yeah, and okay.

The truck crashing scene is not here in the 2012 pilot.

Both guys still have the toxic masculinity sayings like the "girly unpacking" and it's a guy thing".

Both Kelly's still are the most intelligent of the team and Guy in the 2012 makes puns right out the gate.

The 2007 guy kind of sounded a little mean and called his boy squad fart knockers.

The "I'm not talking about the house." joke gets replaced with "Nice digs." and "I wish I had a Aunt Agnus." And Maz is the one to explain what is happening to the mover in the 2012 pilot and in the 2007 pilot it was Guy who said that information.

Both Guy's both toss stuff including the urn of their dead Aunt Agnes and both make the similar saying in both scenes.

Both Guy's make the tacky ring joke.

The Shezow change chants in the 2007 and 2012 are both different.

But the 2012 version of Shezow is the best dressed of the three pilots and also I like the leopard print.

Kelly in the Disney pilot just info dumps what Shezow is while 2012 Kelly is a mega fan and wants to be Shezow. (Remember that for later.)

Both Guy's snatch the ring away from their sisters.

You know what I want to know.

How did both Guy's know the chants when they find it too girly to pay attention to it?

Dude looks like a lady joke returns. 3:37-3:38

And both Guy's say "Say whut?" But the Disney Guy had better delivery of the joke.

I like it that this show has that Ben 10 rule where the user can't take off the ring until the user dies troupe.

The 2012 Shezow pilot has a I wonder what power I have montage.

The Shelair was behind the mirror and is a nice touch.

This shelair looks better than the 2007 Disney pilot and Shelia went from being a mouth tv to being a Ai like character similar to Karen in Spongebob.

02:47

Now we are in the new ideas added to the Shezow story.

I like it how Guy was like nah and then sees the Shehicle then says ok.

Remember Guy and Kelly are 12 and driving.

Guy is pretty good at driving even doing the MIB ceiling driving to avoid traffic.

The whole Shezow can't fly thing. (Keep that for later.)

Guy says Sheilarious at 6:35-6:36.

Shezow is as fast as sonic with super speed but running in heels is something to work on.

The She-S-P gets explained at 7:35-7:36.

Also the commercial break animations are pretty cool and feels like old school anime commercial break things.

7:48-8:14

SheZow S01E01 SheZow Happens & Coldfinger - YouTube

They say "Get the dog's jewels and his too." and that flew over my head when I first watched it and caught me off guard.

8:33-8:35

Yeah the dad hates Shezow for saving the day instead of the police doing it.

Reminds me of the Powerpuff Girls episode with the donut eating cop getting mad that the girls are saving the day instead of the cops.

But I would love to know more about Guy's Dad.

Also the closet threw up on on you joke is a wow.

10:41-10:43.

I want a vinyl figure of Guy in Shezow form with the random stuff he found in his closet to cover up that he is Shezow.

I like it that the show let Maz be part of the Shezow squad instead of being the guesser on why Guy keeps leaving. This is way better than what they did to José.

Also Maz saying a whole bunch of shepuns to guy and him looking annoyed is pretty cool.

I thought they would have made Maz a toxic person but he is just a happy chill guy.

11:17

Guy had to say Sheyeah to change back while in the Disney and SheeZaam pilots I think the power just poofs away then reappears when danger is near but I'm not sure.

Also Sheroes are the canon fan name similar to bronies for Mlp.

I remember the Shezow Creator having a tumblr where you can ask him questions but it's long gone now but I know a few things from looking at Tumblr from the outside without a account in the past.

Like Shezap is both male and female.

And how Aunt Agnes died and who killed her.

Shezow and Logan did go out but it was for a Shezow thing.

The creator is okay with Guy and Maz being a thing.

Maz's parents if shown were one is male and one is female.

Is a White and Asian couple.

I give this show a 8/10.

Images not mine but links are there.

The Shezow Tumblr that archived the creator's posts.

The Shezow Database! on Tumblr - #post by Obie Scott Wade

[yeoberrie]

Let Me Hug You 💗💗

“Ughhh”

You sighed as you threw your pen on the desk and ran your fingers through your hair, completely exhausted from studying.

It was now early evening, you thought you’d be done by now, considering you’d been awake since early morning. Breathing in deeply, you decided you had deserved a well-earned break.

You trudged down the hallway to your kitchen and flicked the switch down on your kettle. Thinking on a flavour, you decided on chamomile tea.

Tea in hand, you headed back to your room, ready to finish your essay. You hummed blissfully as the soothing taste hit your throat,

You reluctantly picked up your pen and set to work.

A short while later, the sound of keys rattling against the door frame pulled you to your senses.. you smiled to yourself knowing who had entered your apartment.

Your boyfriend of 6 months, Yeosang...He knew how to make you happy and it was strange how he always seemed to arrive at the right time, as if he had a sixth sense - Knowing exactly when you needed him.

“Knock knock”

You turned round to see a smiling Yeosang standing at your door. You grinned happily at him beckoning him to come over with an open arm. He strided over and wrapped his arms lovingly around your neck, leaning down to kiss your forehead.

“*Giggles* That tickles!!”

You spun in your chair to face him, tilting your head as far back as possible, as he was towering over you.

“How was your day?” you asked

“It was great, we went blogging at the park and then Seonghwa Hyung took us to get some Rabokki*” “How about yours my love?”

“Tiring, I’ve been working on this essay the whole day, but it needs to be finished” you say sighing deeply.

“When’s the deadline?” Yeosang asked, knowing how much of a workaholic you were.

“In 3 days, but I want to finish it now so I can relax..” “Honey..you have plenty of time to finish. Why don’t you stop for today, we can cuddle and watch a movie and I’ll help you with it tomorrow. How does that sound?” he asked hoping you’d agree.

“well that sounds good. But I really must finish. I don’t want to stress you out either, I’d rather get it done so we can relax together tomorrow” – looking up at him with a smile, you reach up for his hands and reassure him that it wouldn’t take long.

He breathed in and agreed, “fine..but I’m staying with you” You couldn’t argue..after all, you loved his company and thought that maybe this was what you needed. “deal” you replied, smiling up at him, pinkie fingers interlocking.

A while later, you heard Yeosang huffing behind you “how long are you going to be? I’m bored” You couldn’t help but laugh – he sounded like a child wanting sweets. “not long bub. Wait a little more” “ok, but if you take too long I’ll have to drag you away”

A whole hour had passed and Yeosang decided enough was enough. “are you done?” “almost” he came up behind you and started pecking all over your face, hoping to pull you away from your work. “come on, you’re done for tonight” “please, a few more minutes” you whined, desperate to finish the paragraph you were working on. “No love, I said there’d be consequences”. You laughed, thinking he was joking.

He picked you up from your chair and brought you to your bed, you struggled to get out of his grasp but he held you tight – “Let Me Hug You” he pleaded whilst you were still attempting to escape. After a few minutes, you relaxed, realising there was no use in trying to leave his hold.

“Sorry for being a pain” You said, staring up at his face and admiring his patience with you. “Its ok, I just wanted you to rest a bit”. You snuggled further into his embrace, breathing in his scent, gradually becoming more relaxed. “We should do this more often” you said, enjoying his company – “That can definitely be arranged” you both giggled at his response.

“I love You” you whispered. “I love you too, get some rest now” he replied, stroking your face. The room starts to go black as you fall further into his arms, letting sleep take over you.

[mbti-enemies]

What are the charms of infj x intj?

oh. oh fudge okay umm- infj here hellohello I... well writing this has been... fun-. This is gonna get long so apologies in advance but honestly its not even a chore because to be frank i could write- pages. i have. too much of this is going to be talking about my specific intj (intj is gonna kill me for saying my-) but ill do a part on infjs and intjs in general. some fundamentals about intj and i that intj would probably cover sounding like this: yOU have COME to the WRONG BLOG. did you not SEE THE USERNAME? THE URL? about how we're ENEMIES. let me get this clear- intj and I we do not.... LIKE each other. but... but charms you say.... i think we could find some charms in our enmity. something about the fact you said 'charms' also makes me think you might be an intj but then again and infj is far more likely to ask a random blog this. INTJ HAS WRITTEN SOME BEAUTIFUL THINGS MAKE SURE YOU SEE THEM THEY'RE JUST AROUND THIS POST

charms of intj to me:

flip well where to begin. you know the first Proper Thing- that i noticed about her- that i liked- was the intensity of her gaze and expression when she was focusing on something (the way her hand moved when writing it out all out). it felt like lasers at the page- there was something powerful. (ive never told intj this she's gonna say what the heck am i talking about). umm okay the next thing is the ease of conversation. this is also the first thing in a way. its a little bit of everything. its like fi n a l l y something clicked and there's someone who just *clicks fingers* gets you. and you could talk for hOURS. because there's something about the ease, the intuitiveness of it that makes it- different- and better-. we hypothesized its the Ni (cognitive functions- search up if you dont know!)... you can go a little crazy with it and you know they can come with you. but its not just how far you go its how you get there its like thoughts are meeting in the space between you and having their own little conversation you can't understand but the something comes from it seems to lurk untouchable in the back of your mind - helping your conversation along. and then came the laughter. third thing. there is NO ONE who can make me laugh more than intj. because fLIP what a sense of humour there it's brilliant and seems to decorate everything. after meeting intj i found out i cough if i laugh too much. as of right now i cant pinpoint this humour- what it is- but know it also consists of some really BAD jokes. fourth thing. so i like trying to understand people. people are god damn interesting. but it felt like intj was a whole other level. i didn't expect to find all this sincerity and feeling (she'd deny it but it's true) in someone with these hard vibes- which made everything seem special (even if in hindsight it wasn't really special to intj), valuable.... literal gems- gold nuggets- intj is my favourite person to Understand... is my point for the fourth thing... there's something about intj's mind i just wANt to dive into again i want to know more about. but that brings me to the fifth thing and final thing i can talk about here before it just becomes- flip its already so long: intj is genuinely- intjs are.... a thoughtful person. thoughtful as in thought-full sometimes but thought-full also pertaining to their person in question: thoughtful in sending things that made you think of them or remembering things you didn't think they would or randomly putting notes in places you'll find them. and this leads me onto my sixth thing- a type of thoughtful- but words will not do me justice here. words do intj a lot of justice though, is my point (check out our aesthetics post-) because there are thoughts in there so objectively beautiful. if you're lucky- expressed in words that are objectively beautiful.

(P.S intj says she was thinking about doing something like this list for me but says she'd be repeat a lot of the points- so perhaps parts can be considered mutual)

charms of intjs and infjs together in general

(Psst lots of functions talk- only real way to connect types in my op) that Ni!!! it's an introverted function, sometimes the clicking takes time... but that meeting of Ni? it can feel like the best thing. understanding! vibing! but you aren't too similar. you'll also see stuff about them balancing each other out. the feeling and the thinking- Fe looking for Fi, Te looking for Ti... i know intj helps me use that Ti somehow, the world becomes clearer and learned to put oscillating feelings to the side and be logical about things.... it helps so mUCH. // sometimes on other sites i hear about intjs appreciating the warmth of an infj, the understanding letting them express their feelings more.. soften them up a bit ha.

so overall in essence its just- the charms are- that.... you think in a similar way so its cliche but it feels like someone is speaking your language. but that you have enough differences- the right differences- to complement the other.... to make you one HELL of a duo

[pointnumbersixteen]

A Head Cannon Biography and Character Analysis and of the Captain, Part 5: Everything the Captain Does Wrong in the First Flashback of Reddy Weddy in Sixteen Points

Which finally gets us back to the flashback scenes in Reddy Weddy.

Is this about to be over 2,000 words shredding the command performance of my favorite character? Yes, it is, but I do it with all the love in the world.

I’ll start with the first scene, which starts out as a morning brief. It shows just how awful he is at the whole ‘leader of men’ thing. What did he do wrong? This is going to go on for a while. The TLDR version is: literally everything. There is not a single word or action of his in that scene that went right. And it had to be intentional, as Ben Willbond is an admitted military buff, he has to know what proper military bearing is supposed to look like, and he wrote the episode.

I should preface this with saying that I absolutely adore the Captain in this scene, with his silly, over-excitable and ridiculously awkward self. But the first time I saw it, the part of me that spent four years in the US army was screaming inside about how terrible his performance was as a CO. Just picture yourself as one of those respectable and sensible young military personnel sitting in the seats listening to him with the thought, ‘if the Germans come this is the guy that’s going to be responsible for me in battle,’ and try not to cringe just a little.

First, starting with a bit of background: morning briefs are torture. They are the most boring things in the world. Everyone hates them. They’re one of those situations when you can just feel yourself slowly dying. Good commanders know that and try to keep them as short as possible. Bad commanders who don’t mind that their troops are silently hating them the whole time go on a bit longer, but even then, I don’t think I ever sat through one that made it through more than five or six points. The Captain’s very first line in the episode states that he is on POINT NUMBER SIXTEEN (the absurdity of which gave me the handle for this side-blog). His subordinates are blank faced. They’ve probably been tuning this tedious BS out since point number four.  

Second, point number sixteen is, to paraphrase, “Why am I still hearing laughter after hours? We are at war. Fun is banned.” In a stern lecture tone. No, Captain, pet, just because the army probably sucked all the joy out of your life, doesn’t mean that no one is allowed to be happy in the military, even during wartime. My dear, actually you should be encouraging them to decompress however they can, as long as it isn’t inappropriate or interfering with their duties, because war is stressful, even if you’re not on the front lines. The military in general is stressful, even when you’re not at war. Joking and horseplay- as long as it isn’t the sort of thing that isn’t going to get anyone injured- is good for morale. And modern militaries have morale officers for a reason. At this point, the man in the middle of the front row breaks his blank face momentarily to give the woman next to him a ‘can you believe this crap?’ look.  

Third, the Captain goes on and backs this up by essentially saying (again paraphrased), “I understand you all are bored, I’m bored, too, this shit is boring, but this is where the army stuck us so we have to deal.” Which again is the wrong answer. That is precisely how NOT to motivate people to do their best. This is a situation where the officer should try to generate enthusiasm amongst his subordinates for their roles. Even if he wanted to provide a similar sentiment, the word ‘bored’ never should have entered the equation. Everyone is bored most of the time in the military, but it’s not something the higher ranks acknowledge, because acknowledging it helps nothing. His statement should have been something more like, “I understand that some of you are frustrated that you’re not serving in combat, but what we’re doing here in support of the war effort is important, and it will take all of us doing our parts, both out there on the front, and back here in England, to win this thing.”

Next, when Havers comes in with the message for him, he speculates out loud about it being an answer to his pistol requisition. He shouldn’t have done this, and gets two wrong points for it.

The fourth is because while I find his excitement about that pistol endearing, like a little boy hoping for just the right present from Santa at Christmas (and still pining for it 75 years after his death, as noted in the ‘going to the shops’ game with Fannie in s2e4), it probably comes off as foolish or childish to his subordinates. The gun he really wants to have probably should not be the first thing that comes to his mind when communicating with command. There’s a war on. There have to be at least one or two things that are more important.

The fifth is because you’re not supposed to reveal any of your command requests to your subordinates until you know how they’re going to turn out, and then only the ones that are approved, because if you reveal you’ve requested something and it isn’t granted, particularly something as simple as being issued a side arm, it starts to look like higher command doesn’t favor you or have confidence in you. Which in his case is probably true. But that’s not something he should reveal to his troops by way of letting them know he requested a fancy new side arm and then never received one. He might as well have put a sign on his back that said, “Command trusts me so little they won’t even give me a gun.”

Sixth, when he reads the actual message, he just blurts out something to the order of, “good god, France has surrendered.” Which is not how the other people in the room should have received that information. There should have been some sort of measured, more dignified, official sounding announcement. “It’s my duty to inform you all that unfortunately France surrendered to the Germans yesterday,” or something of the sort at the bare minimum. But no, he just blurts it out. Well, Havers asks him what’s wrong after the “good god�� part, but he still shouldn’t have blurted it out.

Seventh, and after blurting it out, he doesn’t add anything to it. France surrendering was a disaster for the British during WWII. It meant Germany was coming for them next. This would have been the time to reassure his men- and women- that although things might look grim, he was confident that high command had a plan and would have everything under control and that there was no way Germany would make it across the channel and that even if they did, the army would be ready. But no, he says nothing of the sort.

Eighth, in fact, he says nothing else to the people who had been present for his briefing at all. After Havers enters the room, he has neither eyes nor words for anyone else. Which is not professional at all.

Ninth, the way he looks at Havers throughout this scene, his face lights up, his voice cheers, his whole demeanor changes. He might have well had a neon sign glowing above his head that screamed ‘I’M GAY FOR THIS MAN!!!’ It would have been the only thing that could possibly be more obvious. When, again, being gay wasn’t okay at all in 1940’s England, and particularly not in the army. I love how incredibly unsubtle he is about his attractions while he clearly thinks he’s being subtle, but that’s not the way it would have been viewed by the people in the room.  

Tenth, in his excitement, the Captain just drops the message on the floor. Drops. It. On. The. Floor. He doesn’t even bother to pick it up. Even Havers gives him a funny look for this one. I say again, I find over-excited Cap adorable. His subordinates probably find this ridiculous, though. And if this were a man who was in charge of me and he’d just been giving me a tedious lecture about not laughing at night as part of a sixteen point morning brief, I’d find him ridiculous, too. At best.

Eleventh, then he immediately scrambles to the window and looks around wildly like he expects the Germans might be marching up Button House’s driveway as they speak. Which is plain silly, as Havers has to point to him. It’s obvious to anyone with sense that even if the Germans are going to invade, it will take them a while to organize an invasion, and Button House is unlikely to be one of the early strategic targets. But the Captain seems to forget this momentarily in his excitement and ends up looking silly in front of his subordinates. I’m pretty sure a few of them are laughing at him in the back.

Twelve, the fact that the Captain is clearly ridiculously excited about this development at all is another point against him, because he shouldn’t be. Of course, he’s excited about the renewed prospect of getting a chance to actually fight (see the previous part of this analysis for why he desperately wants such a thing) but that excitement is not good look. He’s thinking about what it means to him personally, rather than what it means to the military and the country as a whole. Again, the fall of France was a disaster for Britain. It means they’ve lost all of the battles they’ve fought to try to hold back the Germans in France. It means they’ve already lost thousands of men attempting to hold back the Germans in France and for nothing. It means they’ve lost their main ally, the ally the spent years successfully holding back Germany with in France in WWI and therefore implies that this war is going to be even worse than WWI, which was already unprecedentedly catastrophic. It means they’re alone against Germany and there’s a good chance that Germany will be invading soon. So, when they get this news and the Captain’s reaction is over-excitement, that does not look good for him. Nothing in this brief looks good for him, of course, but he just keeps digging the hole deeper.

Thirteen, his officer’s bearing (which as I mentioned in an earlier post as one of the indicators before Reddy Weddy of him probably not being a very good officer, as he maintains it well in emotionally neutral situations, but once emotions enter the picture it collapses) starts out fine when he’s actually giving the brief and then goes downhill once Havers enters the room and by the time he’s at the window, his body language is just… what are you even doing? He’s practically bouncing. Also, Cap, why are you randomly shouting? And what are you doing with your hands? (I wonder if he started carrying his pointy-stick everywhere because he couldn’t figure out otherwise what to do with his hands.) Of course, all of this is because he’s a magnificent over-excitable creature, but still… not a good look as a CO.

Fourteen, when they show the rest of the personnel in the room during this part of the scene, you can see clearly on the faces of the two men in from to the left of Havers (at ‘I don’t think they’ll be here just yet, sir’) that they think the Captain’s behavior is a joke… they fix their faces back to blank very quickly, but it’s there. I imagine what most of the men under his command felt for him was either ridicule or contempt, sadly. I feel sad for him, because I want my poor gay son to be loved and respected. But he isn’t in this situation and he doesn’t seem to either notice or care about this.  

Fifteen, Havers has to remind the Captain that protocol states they’re supposed to lock down the estate at this point, as the British actually were expecting the Germans to invade after France fell. He shouldn’t have had to have been prompted, particularly not in front of their subordinates.

Sixteen, Havers also has to pretend that the Captain ordered everyone else in the room to go carry out the lockdown, when he didn’t, just shouted vaguely about it being a good idea. Havers then sends them on their way, as it’s clear that in his own excitement, the Captain seems to have forgotten that he’s the one in charge and supposed to be leading and commanding. But I suppose it’s good that Havers took the initiative to get everyone else out of the room as quickly as possible, as this has been literally only like a minute of time, and I’d hate to see how much Cap could embarrass himself in two minutes.

 And there it is. I made this sixteen points long as an illustration of just how ridiculously long sixteen points actually is.  

 I won’t cover the part where the Captain and Havers were alone at the end of this scene, yet, as I’ll include it with the next written bit, which is going to be my analysis of their relationship. That might be a minute, because we’ve reach the end of the parts I actually had significantly written out. I’ve only outlined the Havers relationship section.

[a-forgotten-spirit]

Love Isn’t An Illusion (5)

Pairing: Todoroki x Bakugou, Todoroki x Reader x Bakugou, VERY SLOW BUILD

Summary: Studying, exams and lead up to the practical exam

Words: +-6600

Warnings: Anxiety, stress, overthinking, feelings of pressure, over working, unhealthy habits, over studying, not eating, not sleeping, getting thinner, (aggressive) caring Bakugou, Monoma, angy boom boom boy, fear of failure, swearing

Tagged:  @kittycatspervertedheart​ @lemorrite​ @gwendlynn​ @marleps​ @thicctati2​ @saitamastamaticsoup​ @succulent-momma​ @aurorahoneybuns​ @imjusttireddudes​ @misconceptualised​ @ochabby​ @katsukisuwus​ @gayverlinq​ @star-witchs-blog​ @fallbb123

A/N:  I wrote this for the fans. I do not own My Hero academia or the characters, I don’t own most of the plot for this story, I had watched the show and re-written the dialogue and plot as if the reader was the main character. Everything is centred around the reader. Please comment, makes me happy. Ask if you wish to be tagged. I’m thinking of making a patreon for exclusive fanfics and commissions, comment/ask/message your thoughts.

Masterlist

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

_______________________________________________________________

Chapter 5 Y/N P.O.V

Once Aizawa left the room Kaminari and Mina were yelling within seconds “It’s true we haven’t had much free time” Tokoyami but in. I’ve had heaps of free time, you just cut out sleep and boom like 9 hours of studying ready for you. I had come first in the midterms so I couldn’t fall behind now.

“As someone who ranked in the top ten I'm not that concerned” Mineta smiled spinning in his chair. It was quite often my brain ignored that he was athletic and semi-decently smart. Though his personality ranked quite low in the class so overall he wasn’t doing exceptionally well. 

“What you’re tenth in the midterms” both Kaminari and Mina yelled out in unison. They were the bottom two, I couldn’t imagine the stress of that. I can’t deal with being first not to mention being last. I think I was going to faint, just thinking about it sent shivers down my spine. 

“Ashido, Kaminari. We still have time to study and we’ll all get to go to the training camp together” he had ranked fifth I had completely forgotten about the camp far too focused on not failing I must have excused that from my memory. I was glad Midoriya brought it up, now I was forced to converse with my parents at a later date. “Right” he questioned with a smile, hands clenched and happy.  

“Yes, as class rep, I have hopes we will make UA proud” Iida was in third place in the class. How was he holding it together, I wanted to ask him for his secrets. To give me guidance. I needed the help, I needed to train. I had so little time. 

“It’s pretty hard to fail if you just pay attention in class, isn’t it” Todoroki’s voice was so bland and he spoke, his words were true. Like there was no way I could fail, right, right? I could feel my heart beating so quickly. Todoroki had ranked sixth in the class, how was he being so calm. I was stressing beyond belief.

“Why you gotta cut me down like that” Kaminari was holding his chest, kneeling on the floor. I nodded, I felt the same. Everyone in the top ten seemed to calm and here I was in first place having a small crisis. I thought I had gotten over my nerves but not at least not for my education. 

“Hey don’t worry you two, I can catch you up to speed on certain topics if you want” Yaoyorozu was so nice, maybe I would ask if I too could join. She ranked second, I needed to ask her as well as how she wasn’t stressing. Was it the fact she wasn’t number one? Was it something else? Did she not care? Anyone give me an answer. I had study sessions but they slowly died down with the class. I was collapsing and I needed support. Mina and Kaminari took her up on the offer. “I’m afraid I won’t be any help when it comes to the practical though” she sulked, an aura radiating off her from the corner of the room as she sat down in her chair. 

“I’ve been studying but can you help me out too, I’m having some trouble understanding quadratic functions,” Jirou asked holding up her book. I too had struggled with them, a whole night of rewriting them, listening to a youtube video about them and then reading about them had solved that issue. Jirou ranked eighth in the class.

“Tutor me please, classical Japanese is killing me” Sero had his hands above his hand in a ‘praying’ formation, he ranked eighteenth. Classical Japanese was a lot of work but again some videos and all-nighter. I think I had got it to a T, though what if I had missed something… My lord what if I had missed something.

Ojiro walked over his shoulders slouched and hand in the air like he was volunteering “Is their room for one more, I’m falling behind a little” at least he was honest. Ojiro ranked ninth so he was still in the top ten but I could see his stress. I was listening in from my desk as my hands shook. 

They all asked in unison for help and Yoayarozu looked stunned for a moment, her hands coming to her lips as her eyes sparkled “This is wonderful” she shouted, her seat moving back as she jumped up, hands in the air happily. How could she be happy at a time like this? “Yes let’s do it, ok we can hold a study session at my residence over the weekend” she smiled hands clasped together. 

“Seriously, I can’t wait to see your fancy digs” Mina smiled as she bounced over. Yaoyarozu looked so happy, a blush forming along her cheeks, hands fisted near her face. Her smile was beautiful, she was beautiful. How could she be smart and pretty?

“I must call mother and ask to set up the great hall, it’ll be the perfect spot” Did she just say great hall, she was joking right. She didn’t have that kinda space just laying around. “What kind of tea does everyone like, I'll make sure we are stocked” everyone looked about as shocked as I was, sure I knew she was rich but this was just wow. She continued to go on about what her family drank and that if it wasn’t to your liking she would buy some. Such a good host and we were still at school. 

“Sounds like I should be studying with her” Kirishima smiled at the group forming at the back of the room, he was ranked sixteenth. I couldn’t blame him, she seemed so confident and wise. How was she so happy, how was she able to make time for other people when she too had to study. Sure I could do it a few weeks ago but right now? A week before the exam, how was she doing it?  

“Think I don’t know enough, maybe I should beat the lessons into your skull” Bakugou growled out, he ranked fourth. He was another I forgot was smart. He was always so loud and angry but he did care dearly for his education and becoming the best so it made sense why he was like that. Bakugou looked so angry teeth grit and eyes wide, was he mad that Kirishima even suggested going with someone else. 

“I'm counting on it,” Kirishima smiled and nodded happily to the seething Bakugou. I don’t often see Kirishima without a smile, he was always so happy. Give me tips, please. I was on the verge of passing out, whether it be from stress, sleep deprivation or the four cups of coffee wearing off I wasn’t sure. “God I wish I was Y/N. Not a care in the world” Kirishima sighed and I watched as everyone turned their attention to me shaking at my desk. 

“Yeah I know right” Sero agreed his head down, I heard a few more agree. Lord if only they knew how fast my heart was beating at the thought. “I don’t know how you can even get 100%” there was so much pressure, my head was spinning as I felt faint. 

My hand rose, shaking as I shook my head “I am very stressed” I stuttered and everyone stopped turning to my shaking figure as I went to stand and my legs wobbled. “I think I’m about to have a heart attack,” I said calmly and sighed out unevenly. 

“What, why, you’re so smart. Our study sessions were like you were a teacher. I don’t know how you find the time” Mina jumped to my desk as I stood up straight, my hands coming to rub my cheeks the end of my sleeves dragging along my skin. 

“Yeah, you are incredibly smart” Kaminari agreed. “I could never come first” he sighed and everyone slowly walked over. I was rubbing my face still, slowly and shakily. They all thought I was so smart, I had so much pressure. “How do you have time?” he asked. 

“I don’t sleep” I looked up, my eyes baggy and black. I might as well have been a walking corpse. “I studied over 300 hours for the last test. I can’t even imagine the time I’ve put into this one” I shivered and saw wide eyes and feared looks. “Am I allowed to the study sessions as well?” I asked slowly. 

“I think you need some sleep” Yaoyarozu spoke and came to rub my back calmly. I could fall asleep to this, I could fall asleep standing I was so tired. “But if you want to come you are more than welcome” she smiled nodding. “I’ll make you some nice calming tea” 

I grabbed her hands bowing my head “Thank you” I whispered and looked up seeing her happy face smiling, she was pretty “If I could marry you, I would” I whispered and she flushed as I heard some laughter. “I’m not joking, the idea of studying with calming tea is marriage material and no one can tell me otherwise” I bowed again. She blushed more and bowed back. 

Then came lunch, we all walked to the lunchroom and sat down. We all sat at one big table and when I sat down I brought out my notes books and pens. This was half an hour I got to study, the lords are truly smiling upon me. As I began to write I could feel eyes on me. 

“Are you not eating?” Mina asked slowly pointing down to my book “You can take a half an hour break to eat Y/N” I looked down to my book, I was hungry. When had I eaten last? I wasn’t sure yesterday, maybe. The day before. I was far too stressed and busy to eat. 

“Well it’s an extra half an hour” I answered and saw the looks I was getting. “I have to do my best you know” I clicked the lid of my pen to the bottom of it and began to write again. 

“When was the last time you ate,” Bakugou asked and I turned, we were sitting next to each other. He had asked me last time as well. He took a lot of care for his body, his athleticism was proof of that. Why was everyone so worried for me?

“Um,” I paused and tried to think about it “I had some rice, Saturday” I questioned and shook my head “I’m fine though, really” I smiled but even that was using energy my body didn’t have. 

“Are you kidding?” Kirishima asked and I looked down shaking my head “I could never” he whispered and looked over my body. I too looked down, was I getting smaller? I pulled on my UA jumper and then flattened it to my body. There was a lot of excess fabric but I liked my jumpers bigger. 

I saw a bowl placed in front of me as books were moved out of the way “Eat” Bakugou demanded and I looked down to the bowl of rice with soup and noodles, odd but it looked good. I shook my head and smiled about talking when I was handed some chopsticks. “I said to eat” he growled. 

My stomach growled loudly, I hadn’t noticed just how hungry I was “Thank you” I whispered and placed my hands together in a thank you for the food. Picking up the bowel I began to eat and saw him eating something else he had brought. A few mouthfuls and I placed it down. “Thank you again” I went to grab my book but my hand was stopped. 

“Eat it all” he ordered and moved the bowl back “You look dead” he added and took another bite of his food. I touched my face, did I look that bad. The noodles had a nice spice to it and were about to shake my head once more when I was glared at. Giving up I continued to eat until a loud banging was heard. 

“Oh sorry, your head is so big that it’s hard to miss” it was the preppy boy from 1-B, the one who was a real jerk ward. I lowered Bakugous’ bowl and watched how this would play out. He was rude and had a grudge against 1-A. Maybe he hadn’t gotten in or maybe he just didn’t like us. 

“You’re the kid from class 1-B. Um. Monomo right?” Midoriya asked rubbing the back of his head with wide eyes. Had he hit him, from the sound I thought it was the table, it was quite loud? Why was he talking to our class again? “That hurt” Midoriya yelled as he continued to rub the tender area at the back of his head.

“You guys stumbled across the Hero Killer” Now I was more interested in the conversation, the whole table was. “Just like in the sports festival, class 1-A isn’t happy unless they are the centre of attention but you know you aren’t in the spotlight because people think you’re good heroes, right?” even his voice was annoying. Did he only come here to make fun of us, was that it? “It’s just that you keep getting into so much trouble. Here’s food for thought someday the rest of us might get caught up in your mess and then we will all become victims as well” his smile was wide and menacing. He did have it out for us. “What kind of horrible villain will you bring down upon us?” he continued. 

“Are you done?” I asked my eyes slowly looking over to him, too slowly to not be creepy. He seemed to sense it too. “I’m not in the mood to deal with your insecurities right now” I continued and he looked offended. Wait, did I say that out loud?

“Excuse me” his eyes widened and he huffed turning his eyes towards my own, trying to explode my head, or maybe he was constipated. I rose and eyebrow in confusion as some of my fellow class chuckled. “Say that aga-” he was cut off. 

I watched as the redhead walked up, slapping him upside the head within a second he was on the floor holding the spot, now he knows how Midoriya felt. “That’s not funny Monoma, you heard what happened to Iida, chill out” 

“Kendo” Iida called out his hand up about to respond again. She seemed to be everywhere the little rascal blonde went. I was about two seconds away from sticking him in an endless cube for twenty minutes. 

“I apologise for him. I’m pretty sure there’s a hole where his heart should be'' she began, he should apologise for himself. Though when I looked down I should see him dangling in her grasp, did she knock him out? “So I was listening about what’s going to be on the big final practical. I heard it’s going to be combat against robots like the entrance exam” everyone straightened up now far more intrigued with the new information “One of my friends who is a few grades up filled me in. You know, cheating but oh well” I could beat them, right. I got in on recommendation so I didn’t know but I fought them in the festival and they seemed pretty easy. 

Midoriya began to mumble to himself as I picked the food back up and looked down to my notes, the book was closed seconds later. Bakugous’ hand retreating as he pointed to the food in my bowl. I continued to eat, he did care about people in strange ways but still cared nonetheless. 

“What kind of idiot are you Kendo” so the preppy boy was awake again. My eyes rolled by themselves this time. “You just gave away our whole strategic advantage” he whispered angrily his head rising, eyes wide as his smile. Was he ok? “This was our chance to finally pull ahead of that class full of idiots” another slap to the back of the head and he was out, being pulled out by Kendo who was calling him an idiot. A true saviour to class 1-A. Before lunch ended I made sure to give Bakugou his bowl and chopsticks back, thanking him again and asking if I could come to his study session. He agreed, a shrug but still agreed. 

After lunch, everyone was talking about how the practical would be easy. It was only the exam they were now worried about. I was still stressing about every second but that was my problem. “It shouldn’t matter whether it’s robots or actual people, why are you morons so excited” the question was directed to Kaminari and Mina, they were offended by what he said but their words died down when he began to shout “Shut up” he got angry so quickly, I don’t know how he did it. “You need to learn how to control your quirk, you got it” I had to admit he had a point, they did need better control and out of everyone in the class, I think he was in the top for harnessing his quirk. “Hey Deku” his voice growled, this was the most I had heard him talk in a while. “I wanna know what’s going on with your power. I saw the way you’re using it now and I want you to know it’s seriously pissing me off” his eyes were narrowed and hands in his pockets. The training exercise, just like how he moved, had he been bottling this up for a few weeks? “I won’t have another half-ass fight, like the festival, we will be getting individual scores in the upcoming finals. New rankings” his teeth grit and his hand rose quickly pointing to the scared looking male “So we will all know exactly where we are standing. I’ll show you how much better I am and Todoroki, I’ll kill you too” with that he walked from the room, the door slamming shut. 

My hands came to my cheeks once more “Am I not seen as a threat” I whispered and saw a few faces at my stress. “Oh my, does he not see me as a threat” I whispered “I was the one who beat him” I added and sighed “Although not through physical strength” Bakugou didn’t see me as a threat. I fell into my seat, my head on the desk. “Oh no,” I sighed my forehead against the wood. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen him that worked up,” Kirishima told the class then walked over and I felt a hand on my back “I’m sure he sees you as a threat, the other two are just” he paused and I rose my head slowly “people he doesn’t like” my head came crashing back to the table. 

-

When the weekend rolled around, a group of us met at Yaoyarozus’ place, it was massive. Sure, I knew my house was big but this was something else entirely. We stood in awe, I had managed to get some sleep the night prior, regretted it in the morning but I had a bit more energy for the day ahead which I didn’t regret. 

“I knew her family had cash but I didn’t know she was this rich” Kaminari voiced all our thoughts, we all nodded in unison. It looked like her house went on for acres, and I didn’t doubt it did. 

Moving forward to press the bell a voice came through and the gates were open. All six of us walked to her house, large and beautiful. I didn’t understand the need for space but I could appreciate it. We were moved into the ‘great hall’ and we all sat down. Jirou, Kaminari and Sero on one side and Mina, Ojiro and I on the other books ready and awaiting our host. 

It was strange seeing the others in normal clothing and I looked down seeing the baggy jumper, black ripped jeans and boots I wore on my days off. Though the boots I had to imagine, taking off our shoes before entering the house. I wouldn’t want dirt in here either. 

“I could not feel any more out of place right now” Ojiro voiced and I nodded and Sero agreed verbally. It was a beautiful house and well taken care of. I couldn’t believe this is what Yaoyarozu came home to every day. 

She walked in pushing a tray of tea, she was wearing a red shirt and white shorts. Even though they were ‘normal’ clothes she still looked proper in every way. She was so nice to let us over to study, honestly a gift to my week. Hours of studying went by and I got ahold of everything, I needed to do more. I was given calming tea as I shook and stressed. 

“Marry me” I turned my eyes wide and hopeful. Yaoyarozu was a goddess in the body of a human. She had laughed and continued with the lesson. Over the weekend I met with that group of a day and Bakugou and Kirishima at night. A little over twelve hours of study with other people a day and then my study at home. 

“How are your notes so neat?” Kirishima asked leaning over to look at my notes in the booth, having met in a cafe. I looked down, my notes were mostly colour coded for different things, having many pens and highlighters. 

“I have a fear of failure” I stated and he nodded. I helped the two organise by colour coded and it seemed to help Kirishima get the hang of a few things “Look, cover, write, check” I wrote down on a posted note for him, sticking the paper to his book neatly. “The motto I live by, or just keep doing it until it’s engraved in your brain for eternity” I smiled and Bakugou nodded in agreement. 

“So manly” he nodded and started my technique, this went on for a few hours until we parted ways and I let him borrow one of the study books I was done with having memorized it. He looked about ready to cry “I owe you my life” he bowed and I laughed. 

Going home, eating something and then back up to my room to continue studying. Every day this week I had worked on my quirk. Expanding my area, how long I could do it for, how many things I could create, size, density. Everything had to be perfect. I worked night and day to be the best. I was going to stay in the top spot. I could do this. I hoped, begged. 

The weekend went quickly but the night before the exam I slept more hours then I did the whole week, waking up I felt ‘refreshed’ and ready. I practically sprinted to school my head high and my mind ready. I had an illusion of the answers beside me, to make sure I didn’t forget anything. Answers I had studied and worked my ass off. The first exam was long and I powered through the answers, seeming to know every single one. I didn’t stop writing for the entire time, I was proud of myself. 

The third day was finally over, I felt my heartbeat again “Alright pencils down, the last person of each row bring the answers to me” My page was collected and I felt a weight off my shoulders. I was breathing again, was oxygen always this good?

Yaoyarozu was then bombarded with Kaminari and Mina thanking her, I said it but I wouldn’t bet she could hear me over them. They had answered every question which was good to hear. They gave it a go. Later that day Kirishima had asked why I thanked Yaoyorozu and then the class was surprised to know I went to both sessions with the groups and then studied more at home. 

The practical was still to come, I looked down at my hands. Was I ready? I had trained so hard every day, was I ready for this? I shook my head then nodded, yes, I was. I had gone up against villains, murders, Nomus and won. I can beat a few robots… There were no robots. 

We were all in our hero costumes standing in front of the teachers. I was shitting bricks, to say the least. “Now then, let’s begin the last test, remember it’s possible to fail this final. If you want to go camping, don’t make any stupid mistakes” Aizawa warned. I was petrified, were all the teachers going to watch us?

“Why are all the teachers here?” Jirou questioned, good now I didn’t have to talk, a small sigh left my lips in relief. I thought it would only be Aizawa, maybe All Might if we were lucky not all of them.

“I expect many of you have gathered information and believe you have some idea of what you’ll be faced with today” I froze, we weren’t fighting robots were we? Of course, it would change for our year, why wouldn’t it?

“We’ll be fighting those big metal robots” Kaminari shouted leaning back as if to allow as much sound from his body as possible… he most likely did do that. His hands were out and Mina joined in happily smiling. 

I watched as Aizawa’s scarf ruffled then Principal Nezu popped out “This year's test has been changed for various reasons” he smiled, I felt my heart sink. I was right, I was too right. Why was I right, why couldn’t we just fight the robots? “The test now has a new focus” he lowered himself with Aizawa's’ scarf and the help of No.13 “It’ll be hero work of course but also teamwork and combat against actual people. So what does that mean for you, your students will be in pairs and your opponents will be one of our esteemed UA teachers. Isn’t that fabulous” I was going to throw up. My hands were shaking as I put my hand over my mouth to try and get myself together. 

“Additionally your partners and opponents have already been chosen” I was mad at that. If I lost because of my partner I was not going to be impressed. “They were determined under my discretion based on various factors including fighting style, grades and interpersonal relationships” this wasn’t going to end well. I was so sure, I was going to win but the idea of having to not only watch myself but someone else was a lot of work. “First Yaoyorozu and Todoroki are a team” he smiled pulling his scarf up “Against me. Then we have Midoriya paired with Bakugou” they turned to each other and I could feel the tension circle our group. “And their opponent is” 

A loud bang and there was All Might in all his glory suited up and ready to fight “I am here” his fist was out and my heart fluttered in fear. I was so glad I wasn’t them. It was good to know I wasn’t going to be fighting the top hero and a little insulting knowing I was the first by grades and in the festival. I tried not to take it personally… I took it personally. “To fight” first Bakugou and now the teachers. “You’re going to have to work together boys, if you want to win” his smile only grew with a chuckle. 

-

Teachers P.O.V (third person)

The teachers began to talk about the exam, explaining why it needed to be changed and how. Some teachers were against the idea but the topic of the league of villains attacking once more quickly changed their minds, why wouldn’t it? The heroes in training need to be ready if anything ever happens. Hero Killer Stain may be gone, but for how long, how long until someone takes his place? Everyone was now on the same page about the students fighting the teachers. 

“Right, now let’s talk about the teams” Aizawa held a pile of papers in his hand, looking down at the first team “First, Todoroki, he’s doing quite well generally speaking but relies too much on brute force. Yaoyorozu is an all-rounder but lacks the ability to make spur of the moment decisions and apply them. Therefore I’ll erase their quirks and take advantage of their weaknesses” with the simple explanation all the teachers had agreed happily. It was fair, one liked to take control while the other feared to make decisions by erasing their quirks they would have to work together. “Next for Midoriya and Bakugou I’m leaving them to you All Might,” said male looked confused a little taken back by the conclusion of his pair. “In this case, I didn’t pair the two based on ability or classwork, I went with relationships. I know you’ve got a soft spot for Midoriya, please ensure that they learn something” Aizawa pointed out and. 

“I will do my best” All Might nod in affirmative. It would be hard for the number one Hero, he did have a soft spot for the green-headed successor but he also had a soft spot for the explosive teen who loved to cause damage. He was nervous but would do what he needed. 

“The next group is Anyama and Uraraka, I picked this pair based on relationships as well. I have never seen them talk and in the hero world you will need to pair with random heroes, they need to learn to pair with whoever” Aizawa explained then looked to No. 13 “I have paired them with you, both their quirks will be easy to fend off with your own and they will need to think outside the box” 

“I see” No 13 pondered then nodded “I look forward to facing them, I hope they can work well together” she concluded with the other teachers agreeing. As she was given the papers to learn more about them and how their quirks worked. 

“Forwarding on, Ashido and Kaminari this pair is based purely on grades. They are the lowest in class but seem to work well together. They both need work on their quirks so this is why I'm pairing them with Nezu. They need to think outside the box and quickly as well as together” Aizawas’ eyes turned to Neku who was smiling and quite happy to take the pages of the two students' information. 

“Very good thinking” Nezu nodded his eyes growing narrowed and smirking “I am quite excited to face these two in the exam” everyone knew Nezus’ past and his slight dislike for the human race. 

“Moving onto Tsu and Tokoyami both strong quirks but both are long-distance fighters, preferring to stay back. Relying heavily on their quirks. So Ectoplasm” Aizawa’s eyes moved to the Pro who nodded indicating he was listening. “Your clones will provide close combat as well as distance. They need to work on thinking quickly as well and not relying on their quirks” 

“Understood” his creepy voice spoke out into the room, a man of few words as many knew him. The pages were handed over easily and his eyes began to scan the information. Sure all the teachers had taught them but any extra information was useful. 

“The next pair is based purely on fighting style and speed, Ojiro and Iida. They work well in teams and can talk to anyone, they rely on speed and technique. This is why I'm pairing them with Power Loader because they will have to move faster, think as one and make sure they watch what is going on around them all at once” another explanation down. 

“This will be interesting” Power Loaded nodded and Aizawa knew he had a smile on his face even though this headgear was stopping most from seeing. Aizawa had spent a lot of thought and time working on these pairs.  

“Kirishima and Sato are with Cementoss, I paired them on strength and they have close grades as well as their quirks are both short term. Both friendly and enjoy working in teams. Let’s see how they fare against Cementoss who can change the location outlook in a matter of seconds” Aizawa smirked to the fellow Pro who thought for a moment and then nodded. 

“I wouldn’t hurt them as much as the other students if I go for a hit and they need to work on speed and agility. A very good pairing Eraserhead” Cementoss nodded and took the papers. He too began to look through the information provided, he had taught them and only saw Kirishima at the festival using his quirk. 

“Koda and Jirou are with Mic as they both rely on sound to use their quirk, it’ll be hard to use sound when someone is yelling over the top of them” this pair was easy to see the potential for a fight. “Koji will be required to talk more and build teamwork, Jirou will be tasked with helping him”

“Yo yo that sounds awesome Eraserhead. Perfect pair for me indeed” the loud hero smiled and nodded bobbing to music that wasn’t playing as he grabbed the papers and put them down in front of him with ease. 

“Shoji and Toru will be placed with Snipe. Their quirks are stealth-based and with someone shooting at them it will be hard to stay quiet and move in silence” Aizawa conducted putting the two pages together and hitting them against the table to make them even before handing them over to the hero who only nodded. 

“That leaves just me” Midnight smiled and placed her head atop her hands, her smile turning into a smirk “With Mineta and Sero am I correct,” she asked licking her lips. 

“Correct. I put them with you as Mineta can get” he paused shaking his head “Distracted while Sero is mostly speeding. Both with different fighting styles and outlooks on being a hero plus I found out they both look up to you” Aizawa answered with ease handing over the last pair of pages. 

“I do look forward to breaking them” licking her lips again she nodded and sighed out. Placing the pages down “Are we done? So soon” she questioned, that was a short meeting but if the pairs were decided it was to be expected. 

“No, there is one more student” Aizawa sighed and everyone was paying full attention “Y/N” he breathed out and everyone nodded. “Her quirk can be used in any situation and against any quirk, plus they can become physical. She could simply put an illusion of herself and no one would know the difference” he looked down to the paper seeing her face in the picture “I don’t know what to do” he answered honestly “She was first in the festival and first grade-wise, I heard the other students. She hadn’t slept in days to study for the test” the teachers all nodded. 

“Her quirk is a problem, she could easily get past any of us” Cementoss nodded adding his input into the conversation. Everyone sat in silence as Aizawa looked down to the paper with all her details. She was a perfect student for UA.

“She athletic as well” everyone turned to Snipe, the teacher who had taken her as a sidekick for a week. “She beat me in hand to hand” that stopped the teachers. “Her quirk works on thinking, she showed me something that” he paused and shook his head and licking his lips behind his mask “She had a conversation with me while also talking to a coworker at the same time. Her mind was doing two different things simultaneously while also keeping up the illusion” 

Midnight shook her head “That takes extreme power, in the festival her illusion looked so real. I believed it” She added nodding her head, a hand coming to her chin to think. Cementoss agreed. 

“She doesn’t rely purely on her quirk but also does. No matter who she went against, if it was a formal and acknowledged physical fight, if someone managed to beat her, I would be quite impressed” Snipe nodded as the other teachers agreed. Snipe was the only one who knew of her ‘weakness’ but he would never tell and even if he did it wouldn’t matter she knew everyone here. 

“I have an idea” Principal Nezu spoke up thoughtfully and all the teachers were open ears for the suggestion “What if we all went against her at once. It would prove she’s been working on her quirk, how many things she can create at one given moment. How quickly she can think and act” it was a good idea but the idea of it was unfair. “It may seem unfair to the child but we don’t have another option” all the teachers agreed, though some not looking as determined as others. “Though she has one rule” why would she have a rule and no one else, her test was already quite unfair. “She must show at least one teacher her true self during the exercise, she needs a challenge” the teachers felt bad but it was for her good. They had to test her as hard as they could. Even if she took down two maybe three teachers they would be impressed. 

“Then it’s decided, Y/N goes against all of us, at once” 

-

Y/N P.O.V

Once all the names were called out with their pairs I looked around and was confused. I was guessing they put a group of three, had they forgotten about me? Was I not seen as a threat that much that they just excluded me? “Um” I put my hand up and the class stopped talking turning to me. “I wasn’t paired,” I said slowly smiling as I did, an awkward smile and I could see the confusion of my peers. 

“You’re a special case Y/N” Aizawa looked me dead in the eyes and I nodded slowly, my eyebrows drawn in confusion as I waited for an answer pursing my lips. “You will be fighting” I nodded and smiled, OK, so I wasn’t getting kicked out or something. 

“OK” I nodded slowly and looked around “Am I joining a pair or something” I looked around and saw pleading faces for me to join groups. I had to be joining a group, there was no other way to complete the test or was someone going to have to do it twice, would I do it alone? 

“You will be competing alone” Aizawa added carefully and I felt my hands shake slightly, I could beat them. I nodded still confused. All the teachers were taken. What weren’t they telling me?

“Am I getting a teacher brought in or something or is a teacher doubling up?” I asked looking over everyone before landing back on Aizawa for the answer. Everyone was silent as the teachers waited for the answer and my peers listened in. 

“You are very strong” Aizawa began, this didn’t sound good. Bakugou and Midoriya already had All Might who was the top hero. Was I going to be fighting Endeavor or something, Best Jeaniest maybe? I felt my heart begin to race “After some talk and decision making we decided that you” he paused and then looked straight at me with a smirk “Will be fighting us all at once” I felt my eyes grow wide and gasps were heard behind me as my heart sank. 

I was going to be fighting them all… at once. Alone. Someone catch me.  ________________________________________________________________

Chapter 6

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @gl44zed

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are mercury, jupiter and neptune. you're an extremely intelligent and precise person. you are witty, and you're always up to learn something new. you try to see the best in people and in the whole world, to the point where you can seem quite naive. you may also have a fervid imagination, you're very creative and poetic.

your dominant sign is pisces. you're a genuine, caring person who loves daydreaming. it's a sort of way to escape reality, but it gives you an enormous amount of creativity. you also possess a strong intuition, which can make you have a sort of sixth sense.

your dominant element is water. you're very intuitive and empathetic, you care a lot about others, and you may seem like a healer to people you know. in fact, you always try to help them if you can, almost in a therapeutic way. you're also very spiritual, and you're attracted to anything related to discovering your higher self and soul purpose.

🌎 ascendant in gemini, 27° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive, even though this energy may not be much prominent; it may be perceived differently due to your virgo energy, in fact. that’s because virgo prefers organizing things, rather than acting impulsively. yet, this placement still helps you being adaptable to changes, even though you may only be able to see it after a few years if you manage to balance it well. you may also be able to match the energy of the people you’re talking to in order to be perceived as more likeable and connect with everyone on a deeper level. you may be so focused on making up your emotions, that you could forget to feel them, though. this may eventually cause crisis in an individual. you may be fond of books, poetry, literature… both writing and reading. it’s also a way to let yourself tune to your emotions. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. appearance-wise, I assume you’re at least of average height, with long limbs and fingers. you have something small about your face; you may either have a small nose, or eyes, lips etc. same thing goes for your bones. you may be naturally skinny. you also tend to look younger than you actually are, especially when growing up. you may often be, or at least look, sleepy. your eyes have a very dreamy look on them, and they’re probably very big and round. possibly, they’re also hooded. your skin may be naturally pale, or at least there’s something light in your face, even like some tiny sparkles in your eyes.

gemini ascendant square pisces mercury: you appear as a very intelligent individual, and people may even feel intimidated by that. you love interacting with others; even if you're not much talkative, you like hearing about others' theories and opinions. you could also do that by reading blogs, books etc. you may sometimes find yourself in conflict with others, as you’re very opinionated and hate it when others’ opinions are baseless. pretty much, you could seem like a know-it-all. on the other hand, you have a nice sense of humor, you're able to light up the room with your words, even though this quality of yours may be overshadowed by introversion at first. since your mercury is conjunct your saturn, I assume that you'll only start seeing this quality of yours when you get more mature, after your 25s. it's hard to find a way to make you come off as more gentle, as you have some of the most fiery and blunt signs in your chart. the fact that your mercury is in aries doesn't help either. you could take advantage of your astute words and sense of humor to get you out of troubles, though! just be careful not to claim that everything hurtful you say is a joke. it's something that aries placements do a lot.

gemini ascendant square pisces mars: you easily come off as more assertive and arrogant than you actually are. this manifests both in your face and in your words. you could say things impulsively, and sometimes you're too blunt and hurt people's feelings. you don't do it on purpose, though, there's no malice behind your acts; it's just your natural way to express your opinions. on the other hand, you probably have a very strong charisma to you that makes you look very captivating and bold. people see you as a leader, and hence they could get intimidated by your presence. to cope with this placement, you can try controlling yourself and your words before speaking. I'm aware that it's a way to vent your anger, but you can find another way that doesn't hurt others.

🌞 sun in pisces, 11° / 2nd decan ruled by neptune and the moon

this is the most intuitive pisces decan. you understand people’s thoughts just by looking at them, it’s like you’re staring at their souls. in fact, you’re extremely empathetic, you probably find yourself being a psychologist for your friends. or maybe, you’re actually a psychologist. you’re easy-going and you have great social skills; I don’t see you being extremely extroverted, but you don’t mind hanging out with your friends. you’re amazingly creative and imaginative, you have the ability to picture your ideas. this is an amazing talent, in fact most artists have pisces placements. the downside to pisces is that I’ve noticed that, since they know they’re vulnerable, they have the tendency to lie. they don’t do it out of cruelty of course, it’s a sort way to protect their ego. you could want to be seen as bolder than you are, hence you could struggle with identity crisis, especially during your teenage years. you have your own morals and beliefs, but you could feel influenced by others to change yours. luckily, this is something that gets better with time, as you start being more aware of your persona and you start loving yourself. you're most probably a very complex individual; not only you have very contrasting energies in your chart, but pisces is also the most 'confusing' of all the signs. you're a sort of chameleon; you act differently based on where you are and who you're with. you could be a savage with someone, an introvert with someone else. you may even feel as if there's something wrong with your mind, as you just wish you could be like others. you should focus more on pisces' positive traits, though; you're extremely compassionate and considerate. you're emotionally intelligent, and this mutability of yours could make you succeed at many different jobs in your life, as it's very easy for you to adapt to and master new things, especially with your goal-oriented capricorn ascendant and your aries mars as well. if you work hard, you can surely succeed in anything you want.

pisces sun conjunct pisces mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy sagittarius dominance makes you naturally good at writing poetry, or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

pisces sun conjunct pisces jupiter: this placement makes you more easy-going and kind-hearted than the typical aquarius sun. you have a warm personality. even though you may not be the most extroverted person based on your other placements, I imagine that, once you get to know people, you become very outgoing. you always try to make people feel comfortable and, matched with your virgo moon, this placement makes you particularly considerate of others. you have a knack for religion, spirituality and just knowledge in general. you have strong beliefs, and you're most probably very open-minded as well. the negative side of this mostly-beneficial placement is that you may be subconsciously too confident in yourself, resulting arrogant or selfish. it's alright to praise yourself of course, but you may start to look down on people who don't share your same interests, opinions etc. you can't repress this side of yourself of course, but try not to show it with people around you if it causes you problems.

pisces sun square sagittarius pluto: probably during your childhood you couldn't make your own decisions. you might have been highly influenced by someone in your family, probably your father, and hence now you feel the need to have everything under control. maybe too much. you despise authority, you may even quite rebellious. maybe your parents have tried to convince you following their religion, ideals etc., without giving you freedom. or perhaps, they are overprotective and avoid to make you have experiences. I imagine that getting rid of your control issues, which are caused by this sense of not being in control of your life, may be the first step to finally heal your wound, which is somehow linked to the relationship with your friends and casual partners in your everyday life. start trusting others more, and don't be afraid of being 'fooled'. you're totally capable of understanding when someone is trying to hurt you, follow your intuition. even though it may be hard, even painful, it'll be the key to transform and overcome saturn's lessons to achieve your goals.

🌙 moon in taurus, 3° / 1st decan ruled by venus

the moon is exalted in taurus, so it's definitely a good placement! you're very peaceful, you try to avoid conflicts when you can. taurus' most striking feature is that they crave stability, whether it's financial, in love etc. you must be very stubborn, as taurus is a fixed sign, this placement, paired with your imaginative pisces energy, makes you settle on making your ideas concrete, and it's very beneficial. it makes you capable of achieving any goals in your life. you're also very artsy, and you may fancy particular art styles. you have a good eye for aesthetics, and you care a lot about the looks of your house, body, clothes etc. you have excellent concentration, and that is another thing that helps you achieve your goals and make your ideas concrete. last but not least, you're amazingly patient, and that makes you a great friend. probably, they vent a lot of their worries to you, as you're also a great listener.

taurus moon square capricorn venus: there are contrasting feelings in your relationships with others; after all, your taurus moon wants to commit to someone and be loyal to them. on the other hand, your capricorn venus is more materialistic, you don't really have time for love. those two desires of yours probably contrast each other, stressing you out. you want a calm, almost boring relationship, but with this placement you can't seem to have one. your feelings and self-esteem may depend a lot on your relationships, not only with your lovers, but also with your friends. if someone isn't loyal to you, you immediately start blaming yourself. in your life you may lack intimacy, and while it may make you feel better at first, based on the rest of your chart you actually need someone on your side. you can't do everything on your own. it's very challenging, especially since your sagittarius 7th house makes you reluctant to relationships as you crave independency, but you need to find someone that projects your ideals of love. if you need a free-spirit, go look for one. it may take you a while, after all venus in capricorn delays love and marriage, but if you learn all the lessons you need to learn from your breakups, you'll be able to live a peaceful life with your spouse.

🗣 mercury in pisces, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by neptune and the moon

you have the potential to be very focused on something thanks to your taurus moon, but your heavy pisces influence may interfer in that. in fact, you probably lose yourself in your own thoughts very often, starting daydreaming instead of doing what you have to do. you’re very creative and artistic, and you’re also able to fully convey your emotions in your words, even though it may be perceived as confusing sometimes. that’s because not everyone is as empathetic as you are. on the other hand, you may have the tendency to lie, or just being confusing in any way. you may not always express what you want crystal clear, as you want to able to modify the story just in case you encounter some hardships. also, you never truly express your feelings, probably out of fear. probably, the way you elaborate your thoughts is also influenced by your family and the impact they had on you. you’re always vague, and you keep your private matters for yourself. pisces is a mutable sign, so you may also find yourself changing ideas often, your mind wanders from one thought to another. you are very intuitive, and you may even have some sort of psychic talent. you could do well at reading tarots, birth charts etc. your voice is probably naturally loud, it's hard not to listen to you. also, since your mercury is conjunct mars, you could be quite impulsive sometimes and say things you actually don't mean. you could argue often with others due to this trait of yours, you get defensive very easily. on the other hand, you most likely have a nice sense of humor at least.

❤️ venus in capricorn, 28° / 3rd decan ruled by saturn and mercury

you seem like the type of person who's not totally into the idea of love and relationships, especially in your early years. you find your individuality way more important, and you feel the need to establish your status in the world. yet, there's still a place in your heart that desires love, but it's quite hidden. maybe, you're actually afraid of falling in love; or perhaps, it's the opposite: your risk-taker sagittarius energy made you jump into relationships, even if they weren't actually your priority. it may be hard for you to fall for someone, but once you do, you're totally invested in them. you're quite of a traditionalist when it comes to love; you may the type that prefers being courted, rather than court yourself. you're also quite into clichés, and you're looking for a polite and ambitious partner. someone who has a stable job, and is also wealthy. basically, someone that looks (and possibly is) rich and noble. you may also have the tendency to date people that are older than you, and possibly also soulmates from your past lives. in fact, you attract many karmic partners that are here to teach you lessons. your relationships may be quite painful, or at least they're so intense that they are hard to forget. with this placement, it's also recommended to get married after your saturn return, hence after your 28-29 years old, to avoid any kind of challenges.

capricorn venus conjunct pisces neptune: this placement balances your strict, work-oriented capricorn venus combined with your materialistic earth energy, giving you a place in your heart for romance. you probably dream of a love like those you hear about in fairytales; you're not only looking for a partner, you literally want a prince, who's willing to give their all to you. you find yourself daydreaming often about love, and it may also be your source of inspiration for creativity and art in general. probably, you may idealize people too much; that is, you may create a version of others that only exists in your head. hence, once you get to know someone better, they turn out to be the exact opposite of what you thought. this causes you to be sort of naive when it comes to relationships, so pay extra attention to this problem now that you're aware of it.

☄️ mars in pisces, 28° / 3rd decan ruled by neptune and pluto

you go with the flow. even though your taurus moon makes you want to be organized and stable, your pisces mars does the opposite. in fact, you rely a lot on your intuition rather than logic. this may make you appear as submissive, sometimes, as if you can’t stand up for yourself. you’re actually a very spiritual person though, who thinks deeply before acting. you’re not impulsive, you’re aware of your actions, but at the same time you’re ready for eventual changes in your schedule/routine. you have no problems improvising, you’re very versatile. the problem is, you may rely so much on your intuition that you don’t take action. you’re the type to fantasize about being a better person, rather than trying to become one. you may also have the tendency to be passive-aggressive and avoid problems; you may prefer being cold to someone rather than trying to work your argument out. this energy is probably mitigated by your mercury conjunct mars, though; in fact, it makes you quite impulsive and also blunt.

🏡 houses, interceptions

your 1st house is in gemini. your ego feels fulfilled when you express your opinions, ideas and creativity. people probably see you as an intelligent, wise individual. maybe even as a know-it-all. you care about both your inner and outer self, which may be the cause of your confidence issues. you try to fit into society, and you tend to change your approach to people based on who you’re interacting with. while this gives you great social skills, it may confuse you quite a bit. in fact, you may forget who you are. you may often have identity crisis, especially since you always feel as if you have to fit somewhere. with the ruler of the 1st house in the 10th house, you may have a career that involves your physical appearance, or just your identity in general. this is a frequent placement in celebrities’ charts, as it gives you a strong presence that is hard to ignore. people recognize you for your unique personality, and probably also because of your looks.

your 2nd house is in cancer. your family, home and cultural background may play a big role in your finances. you may earn money through your family’s business, or maybe you actually work with your family. you may also work from home, especially online/through social media. your adaptability is your greatest strenght; you’re probably good at a different variety of jobs, hence it may not be hard for you to find something to cope before deciding your definite career. this also confirms that your values, self-worth and security were shaped by your roots, childhood and family. the ruler of the 2nd house is in the 11th house; having a dream, a goal to pursue and working hard for it is a great help to boost your self-esteem and be more self-aware. you may actually make money out of it, you could pursue the career of your dreams and earn a nice income from it. the 11th house also rules friendship, hence you could have many wealthy friends, or perhaps they help you feeling more confident. you're probably less shy when you're in their company.

your 3rd house is in leo. you’re able to express your innovative ideas and creativity in a way that doesn’t go overlooked. you tend to overthink a lot, especially about your theories but, once you’ve made up your mind, no one is gonna make you change idea. you’re confident in your opinions. the downside of this placement is that you may come off as a know-it-all from the way you communicate your thoughts. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 10th house: another placement that indicates that your future career involves communication, and healing someone in some way. you could become a writer or a musician, as art can heal people in some way. again, you would also do well as a therapist or as a nurse, as they’re more challenging jobs where you need to communicate in order to help someone out.

your 4th house is in virgo. this is another placement that points out that you lack something due to your family. maybe they couldn’t spend much time with you, as they were busy with work. or maybe, they were overprotective of you, making you insecure. probably even both. this doesn’t mean that you’re hurt, you may not even be aware that you’re lacking a piece of yourself actually. yet, it’s still there, and it influences you a lot on your day-to-day affairs. the ruler of the 4th house is in the 10th house: you may work from home, or maybe with someone from your family. possibly, you could choose the same career as your parents, or maybe you work in their shop/agency. your future job may also involve helping children and families in general. you could also become an interior designer, or perhaps you’ll create a business dealing with houses.

your 5th house is in libra. you’re very creative, and you try to make beauty out of your imagination. you’re probably into music, art, photography, fashion… things like that. you’d also like to experience light romance, and you may enjoy the idea of socializing with others. you feel fulfilled when you’re able to spend time with your loved ones, even though this may make you struggle embracing your indipendence. the ruler of the 5th house is in the 8th house: your hobbies involve occult topics, such as astrology, tarots, horror etc. you probably also love spending your spare time by yourself. you’re quite of a loner, from this point of view, and you may possibly feel sad about it.

your 6th house is scorpio, with pluto placed here as well. you may be passionate about routine, self-care, health and work, to the point that it looks (and feels) obsessive. you may attract enemies in your daily life, e.g co-workers that are jealous of your ambition. you might have to undergo different changes in your routine and health throughout your life, which can literally transform you both physically and emotionally. the ruler of the 6th house is in the 6th house: you may have pets, or even work with them. you take care of your health, especially to work. you may also work as a doctor with plutonian traits; hence, you could be a psychologist, a therapist etc.

your 7th house is in sagittarius. you want your marriage to be a constant travel for you, in which you can both relax and learn. you want to marry a witty and impulsive partner, that is also fun to live with. you may often find yourself falling for unavailable people, either physically or emotionally (or even both). the fact that jupiter, the ruler of this house, is in the 9th house, its natural place, enhances this. you may meet your future spouse at school, or maybe even directly abroad. they may be foreign, or at least they’re able to speak a different language from yours. they could also have a different culture/religion.

your 8th house is in capricorn, with venus, neptune and uranus sitting there. you may be prone to die old, and you may feel attracted to people that are older or more established than you. you are most probably going to have a peaceful death, yet it could be unexpected though. or maybe, you’re surrounded by unpredictable events of loss of any kind in your life. you’re fascinated by the occult, and you may even be/been able to talk to dead people. you’re very intuitive, and it’s easy for you to read through people’s words. you may as well have prophetic dreams. with this placement, there are also high chances that you’re going to marry someone quite wealthy, possibly a business person. with the ruler of the 8th house in the 11th house, you’re likely surronded by karmic friends and people in general. you may argue often with them, and your relationship with is very intense, but that’s because you have karmic lessons to learn, and they’re the ones teaching them to you. it’s something that will get better with time. also, your friends may have the same interests as you, and you could possibly attract wealthy friends too.

your 9th house is in aquarius. you’re an avid believer of your philosophical and cultural beliefs. you may be interested in teaching, and you could do it through innovative and technological tools. you’re also interested in foreign music, books, movies and any type of hobby. you may be attracted to genres like thriller, sci-fi… you could also believe in aliens. at school you may be considered particular, almost weird for your interests. you’re open-minded, as you appreciate the differences in people and cultures all over the world. jupiter here gives you the natural need to keep grasping information around not only in school but in your life in general, as knowledge is where you find happiness. you hate being told what to do, you want to be free in the decisions you make. you may have to live unexpected situations, as 9th house is also about experiences. you’re the type to feel proud doing something never seen before, as you aspire to be a trend-setter. this may also manifest in your musical, fashion etc. taste. you’re also very opinionated, and you defend your beliefs pretty strongly. with the ruler of the 9th house being in the 8th, you learn a lot about occult topics, such as astrology, tarots, dreams etc.

your 10th house is ruled by pisces. you may be unsure of your future career, or at least indecisive. you may want to do different things, or maybe you have completely no idea. hopefully, the rest of the reading will shed some light on you. usually, people with pisces in the 10th house’s cusp make great healers, hence you may become a doctor of any kind, especially a psychologist. you may also work in the creative, artistic field, e.g you could be an artist, a writer, a musician etc. you have three planets sitting in this house: the sun, mercury and mars. finding a career is your ultimate goal in life, and it will most probably include communication and mind stimulaton of any sort. it’s pretty much the source of your confidence and energy, what your life revolves around. with the ruler of the 10th house in the 8th, I repeat that you would make an awesome psychologist, as you’re able to understand people’s deeper emotions. you could also work with death in general, so again as a doctor or even as a detective.

with the 11th house ruled by aries, you probably attract a lot of people in your life. whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you’ll always be able to have someone by your side, even though you may struggle to create stable bonds. friends come and go, basically. you may attract very fierce, almost violent friends. they’re very energetic, and probably extroverted people who like socializing and enjoying life to the fullest. saturn is also placed in this house, meaning that at first you struggle to find friends. you may be very shy and awkward, and you just can’t seem to find someone right for you whom you can truly trust. I don’t have much to say to you regarding this placement, as it’s not badly aspected at all. you may find yourself comfortable with this placement, especially while growing up, as you’re cautious about who you befriend. also, it allows you not to waste time and focus on your duties, but generally it’s something that will get better with time and will naturally give you the ability to relate to others better. with the moon here, you most likely find emotional comfort in your dreams and friends. as I've already mentioned above, you could have workaholic tendencies to make your dreams come true, but you probably don't feel too stressed about it thanks to this placement, which makes you extremely dedicated. your friends may feel like your home to you, they could be your second family. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 10th house: your friends can help you build a reputation, especially since they’re probably quite popular. or maybe, you could actually work with them. generally speaking, you may come across powerful people in your life that will help you boost your self-esteem and career path. you may also meet your true friends at work, or at least while growing up. you probably didn’t have many stable bonds during your teenage years.

lastly, your 12th house is in the sign of taurus. you’re secretly sensitive and affectionate, but you may have issues finding it out at first. in fact, the center of your life is your own intellectuality, these venusian traits are probably yet to develop. you may feel attracted to spirituality, but you’re quite lazy to actually dive into it. the moon sitting here indicates that you probably hide your feelings from others, probably out of fear. or maybe, you do it subconsciously; you’re quite secretive, but maybe because you don’t know how to get in touch with your feelings. using tools like meditation, astrology etc. are important for you to understand what you truly need from life. your 12th house’s ruler is in the 8th house: getting in touch with your hidden, subconscious and higher self will be crucial to help you grow up and gain more awareness of yourself. you may be interested in topics like astrology, psychology etc. most likely to get to know yourself, but your chart points out that you could easily turn these hobbies into a job!

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract sagittarius, pisces, scorpio and libra placements. your future spouse may also have libra/scorpio energy, maybe a libra - scorpio cusp. you need someone who’s charming, respectful, romantic and polite, but that can also stand up for themselves with no hesitation. you’re also into the magnetic, sexy type. you’re looking for someone independent, but that wouldn’t mind dedicating their time to you. you may feel unlucky in love, as your sagittarius descendant makes you attract people that are usually unavailable, whether it’s physically (they’re abroad) or emotionally. you may marry someone of a different culture/country/religion from yours. you may also meet and marry abroad. you may meet through your family, or maybe at your workplace as I’ve already mentioned before. they could also be someone you already know, probably from your childhood. your children will most probably have very prominent venus energy, hence libra or taurus; they'll love to be spoiled with affection, they'll love material things like toys, food, clothes etc. but they'll also be very mannered and elegant.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably very hard-working, and she has a strong role in your family. maybe she had to work a lot, so she wasn’t as much with you as the other mothers, but she always made sure that you had everything you needed. she may have virgo, aquarius or gemini placements in her chart. your father is a bit more emotional, most probably less dominant than your mother in your family, and he might have pisces, gemini, virgo, leo, scorpio or aries placements in his chart. you may have a lot of siblings, and they have prominent earth and leo energy. you have fun with them, and you usually have different conversations with them, about both serious and light topics. overall, I don’t see much shocking going on in your childhood, aside from your family’s influence regarding your career choice.

📊 career

this was honestly the part of the reading I was looking forward to write! your chart indicates that you have great skills in different things, and you have the potential to become highly successful in a variety of fields. as I’ve already mentioned before, your vocation involves healing people using words, hence you may write inspiring songs or books, or maybe you may actually work in the medical field as a therapist or nurse of any kind. you may also do well as something that involves creativity and arts, and you may find yourself indecisive about what career path to choose exactly because of your different skills. from my point of view, I’d suggest you to choose the career you find the most fulfilling for yourself and for your interests. for example, let’s suppose you love writing; you find pleasure in doing that, but of course when you’re in the mood to do it. turning it into a job could lead you to do it everyday, and you could grow out of it, but that’s entirely based on how you perceive it. some people can’t mix their hobbies and jobs, others feel the need to find a job that matches their interests. whatever you choose, I still see you doing great regarding work, so take your time to find what really pleases you. just remember the keywords: healing and communication.

👗 fashion sense, style analysis

your style may be quite androgynous, yet still very classy. even if you’re wearing a simple sweatshirt, you make sure that it’s all neat and high quality above all. you could fancy wearing basic, ageless pieces, such as blazers, jeans, shirts etc. you mostly wear monochrome shades, such as black, white, beige, grey etc., but you still make them look effortlessly trendy. you could also be into retro trends, especially 20s/60s fashion or even 70s or 80s.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, you were very career-oriented. you were probably extremely successful at work, it was your priority. you could have even been someone important for your career, who knows. yet, this lifetime you don't need to focus on work anymore, you're already a master at it. now, you need to solve your issues with your family and create a family of your own to fully accomplish your life purpose. there may be some ups and downs, but this is what your soul has to learn in this lifetime.

🤔 transits interpretation / september 9th

next year juno, the asteroid of marriage, is going to be conjunct your vertex point, which indicates a point of destiny in a birth chart. that means that you may meet someone that could eventually end up becoming your spouse. or at least, it means that you’ll finally be able to take a decision and commit to something relevant in your life. it may be a job, a lifestyle etc. anything that you need to feel serene. this year is quite intense for you, as it’s a transitional phase filled with transformation and unpredictable events. you’ll get out of it as a stronger person, though, especially since you’re going to have your jupiter return next year. it will be a very positive and lucky period for you, so hang in there! always see the good that is in the bad.

🌎 manifest what you want, secret skills

with your water dominance, you probably have a 6th sense. you’re able to manifest what you want if you subconsciously predict it, even though it may be hard. you’d have to get in touch with your higher self to do so, hence I’d suggest you not to manifest in this lifetime, or at least not too much, as it’s not apart of your life purpose. you can try listening to your own affirmations while you sleep, as you won’t be consciously aware of that. it’s probably the most effective way.

this is the end! thank you again for purchasing a reading, hope it resonated with you :) let me know if you have any questions!

[pulaasul]

Digimon Adventure Tri – Daisuke and the others? Who are they?

A Digimon Adventure Tri review.

----------

This review may be a bit late, but I didn’t watch the fifth movie because I was spoiled by a certain plotpoint and tropes and I really detest tropes of that plotpoint. Considering that I opted not to watch the fifth movie, I didn’t watch the sixth movie as well, I may get confused at the chronology of the events.

I had watched Last Evolution Kizuna, the review of which is linked here, thankfully the producers of Kizuna opted to have an original story as opposed to continuing from the plot threads that Tri left hanging over the course of six movies.

With the reason for this review’s lateness out of the way, let’s continue on with the Tri’s review.

------------

Despite the lateness, I am reviewing  [デジモンアドベンチャーtri - Dejimon Adobenchā] Digimon Adventure Tri

As with some of the movies I had reviewed on my blog, I have an alternative title for Digimon Adventure Tri as a whole.

 デジモンアドベンチャーtri 大輔たちわだれだ？or Dejimon Adobenchā Daisuke-tachi wa dare da?

Digimon Adventure Tri – Daisuke and the others? Who are they?

TL:DR

Tri was an enjoyable watch. If you want more characterization of the OG chosen 8 and their respective Digimon, it’s a definite watch.

If you’re a big fan of the 02 kids, they do acknowledge them, but better not to expect anything on that front to avoid disappointment.

For me, Digimon Adventure Tri as a whole is a 6.8/10 for me.

I love the many things they did here, but both my bias for the 02 kids and the many things happening just left a bad taste in my mouth.

If that doesn’t hint my love for the 02 kids, this is your confirmation XD.

-----------

I’ll start with the movie series’ art style. I still maintain my stance that I do not like the art style they chose for Tri. I will, however, expand on my reasons from the other review.

Tri’s art style is better suited for still images rather than animated. The best suited comparison I can make, and I’m sure a lot of people will protest, but it’s like the Pokemon’s Sun and Moon anime art style.

From what I heard, the new Pokemon art style focuses more on animation detail and flow. Tri’s animation and art style, while a major improvement from the fights seen in Adventure and 02, still come short seeing the ‘derpy faces’ and awkward poses found in the movie.

(Yamato has bulging pecs and it looked like both Taichi and Yamato skipped leg day)

The new art style does make the ENTIRE CAST absurdly attractive from Taichi to Himekawa even down to the background characters who have something unique in their designs despite just being one off characters.

The new art style does lessens the “cartoonish” vibes we got from the first two Adventure seasons of Digimon, so no extra-large heads, hands and/or feet. You could definitely feel that this was an updated version of the previous art style, although taken to extremes.

Although… Jiggle physics are seen on the Digimon.

------------

PLOTWISE...

Having watched the entire movie series, I can definitely understand why the 02 kids were given that treatment. However, there were plenty of instances to incorporate them into the plot organically than what we were shown.  

The overall plot was heart wrenching, it delves into the themes of sacrifice and unchecked grief.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT! BE WARNED!!!

We’ll backtrack a bit, I stated above about how the 02 cast could’ve been incorporated into the plot organically than what we were shown.

There were many instances where they could’ve been mentioned by anyone of the cast: the appearance of the Digimon Emperor, Hikari and Takeru checking up on Ken after the Emperor’s appearance, even the instances where they welcome Meiko into the group by encouraging her in times of distress; among other things.

A simple muttering of “where are they?” or “how are they doing?” from anyone, especially from Hikari and Takeru who were a part of the 02 team, would’ve made their exclusion from the main events a bit bearable and understandable.

Them not acknowledging their absence is a very out of character: for Takeru and Hikari, as they were teammates; from Taichi and Yamato as they mentored Daisuke, the former passing the goggle-torch unto him; Mimi and Sora for Miyako; Joe and Koushiro who has commented how reliable Iori was and how his thirst for knowledge was an admirable trait.

all my cons bullet points are my salt towards the 02 kids’ absence lol

In other matters, another thing worthy of criticism, this is for the franchise as a whole, is the fact that there’s a Leomon death inserted in every iteration of Digimon. (01&02 have the original Leomon, Tamers had Juri’s Leomon, Frontier both had Ice Leomon and KaiserLeomon in Kouichi Kimura, Savers had BanchoLeomon.)

Leomon’s death this time around fails to have an impact considering it has become a meme nowadays. Anyone vaguely aware of the franchise would even joke about the Leomon’s screentime before he dies, which was the case in the Tri movies.

There are two events in the Tri movies that didn’t really needed to be there, which really hampered my score for the movie series. First one is how the Mysterious Person, using Young Gennai’s form, to lick Sora’s face.

Another event that didn’t need to happen was how the same Mysterious Person choked Meiko to the point of her losing consciousness, those events IN THE SAME MOVIE really put me in an uncomfortable state, as did a lot of people.

This may be my bias speaking, but I really don’t like how Daigo died in the movie series. I am sure his death potentially served to raise the stakes of the plot, but not really.

The stakes of the plot was already at an all-time high with showing the “deaths” of the 02 kids in the first few minutes of the first movie. It’d raise the stakes even higher HAD THE OG 8 CHOSEN CHILDREN ACKNOWLEDGED THE ABSENCE OF THE 02 KIDS.

Daigo’s death was unnecessary for the stakes were already planted, but they failed to sow those particular seeds hence his death was needed. That and I really love Daigo Nishijima.

Tri could’ve been a rescue movie on top of stopping the apocalypse movie, Meicoomon shenanigans included.

I will admit that learning of Taichi’s supposed death in the tri movies, turned me off from watching the movie series to its completion, back when this was first released. Learning that Daigo, my favorite character, dies in the next one really turned me off from the franchise. Watching it now, I still maintain my stance that he didn’t need to die.

Devimon’s appearance really felt tacked on, he would’ve been a great plot point for Takeru to overcome in the movie, instead we got a few seconds of appearance then nothing. Not even delving into Takeru’s psyche about Devimon’s appearance.

The entire last movie was needlessly dark and that’s says a lot.

-------------

Considering this is a review, no review is complete until you state all the positive things you can say about the movie.

As with the debut season of the franchise, Character interactions are at the forefront of the movie series. In here we learned things about them, including Hikari’s teasing remarks towards Takeru or how Yamato is actually scared of ghost stories.

We also learned that the Teenaged Wolves broke up, due to musical differences as Yamato claimed and formed two new bands. “Knife of Day” and “World of the Knife”. The fact that the characters saying the band names have a Might Guy teeth shine effect on them was incredibly hilarious.

Koushiro being a blushing mess when it comes to Mimi was also great.

The viewers can really see the entire group’s dynamic with each other.

The digimon themselves aren’t just one-note characters. They may act as a foil to their human partners, it doesn’t change the fact that they weren’t one-note compared to what we’ve seen in both Adventure and 02.

Interactions aside, each human character having breakdowns and developing in the movie series was another thing I liked about Tri, tying them to digivolving to ultimate/mega level was a pretty neat idea.

It means that Taichi and Yamato aren’t the sole stars of the Adventure saga now.

Speaking of characters, the new characters in this movie-series [Daigo Nishijima, Maki Himekawa, Meiko Mochizuki] were introduced organically and were pretty great in their roles. The twist that the former two were Chosen Children before Taichi and the others was neat as well.

The three of them performed their roles pretty well: Daigo being a shady mentor, who’s loyalty is divided between his student and his work; Meiko being the new kid on the block really helped establish how out of place she really is, it does help that Mimi was incredibly welcoming towards her; Maki’s unchecked grief led her to taking drastic steps just to be reunited with her partner digimon, kickstarting the whole plot of Tri.

[I have a theory that Daisuke and the others were reporting to Maki, once she learned that they were aware of Yggdrasil’s plans, she led them to a trap that was when they were one-shotted by Alphamon.]

We go back to Leomon. It was nice to see a familiar face. Even his scenes were hilarious and awesome. Him being able to stave off the infection from various points in the movie he was in was also great. It makes sense in character as he does have incredible will power, going back to the Adventure days when he was possessed by Devimon’s black gears.

I also appreciate that the boys and girls had equal opportunities at being the eye candy. The boys were the eye candies during their time in the hot springs, while Mimi and Meiko had their chance as eye candies during the school festival.

Last and certainly not the least, were the new arrangements of the Original Sound Track of the Digimon Adventure themes from Butter-fly to Brave Heart’s orchestral version. They’re simply that good to listen in a loop.

-------------

As for suggestions, I have a few. This is constructive criticism after all.

Acknowledge the absence of the 02 cast.

Explain why they were absent in the first place, or at least what the characters think why they were absent.

From vacation abroad

On Yacht

Even visiting people out of Tokyo would also work

Both Leomon and Daigo didn’t need to die. Mortally wounded characters are fine, makes us think they’re dead for a few minutes to delve into character development, as was the case for Taichi and Hikari.

Make the 02 kids’ lives as stakes in the plot.

Cut back on the flashback images.

Exposition is also good, even Taichi voicing out his hesitance would’ve made for a great character moment, instead of just glaring at the enemy.

D.R Gennai shouldn’t have licked Sora. That event really didn’t need to happen.

D.R Gennai should’ve just let Meiko bleed to the point of unconsciousness instead of choking her as he taunts Meicoomon to fear and give in to her infections.

Devimon should’ve been an earlier opponent that was later reused in the ending movie to show how much Takeru has grown add in digivolving to Seraphimon.

A video file of Daisuke’s and the others’ defeat at the hands of Alphamon should’ve been viewed after the reboot happened, that would’ve raised the stakes higher.

Daisuke and the others should’ve joined the last fight in the last movie. Escaping from the hospital through their Digimon before collapsing at the very end.

I have no problem with Daigo’s partner becoming Baihumon. I think it’d been better had it been Azulongmon, considering he was the goggle head during his time and thus the leader of his group.

We know that Azulongmon is the leader of the Four Digimon Soverigns.

I think it’d come full circle had Daigo been partnered with Azulongmon.

I think the movie would then end with everyone visiting Daisuke and the others, Meiko included, introducing her to them.

Overall, I give the movie series a 6.8 out of 10 rating. It was a good watch, but the plot fell once they delved into darker themes and darker events for the sake of being dark and without substance. There were a couple of events that didn’t need to happen but happened for the sake of being dark.

Daigo’s death was certainly one of those events. The stakes could’ve been raised higher had the 02 kids were integrated into the plot and not just relegated into glorified silhouette cameos.

These suggestions would still run the course of the plot we got in Tri, but it would’ve flowed the plot organically and didn’t go dark for the sake of being dark.

I wanted to be generous with my rating, but it just won’t do. Even my bullet points review had more Cons than Pros. Factor in my bias for the 02 kids, and you get a 6.8 rating.

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

POSITIVE 20 QUESTIONS TAG GAME

I was tagged by @peanutbutterandgrapejelly. Thank you for the tag, Peanut, this seems pretty loaded, but in a good way, so here goes!!

1. Name 4 fictional characters who showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want.

Sue Heck! I don't think I let all of it out, but on the inside, I constantly feel like I'm extremely Sue Heck-y, :')

Amy Santiago, in a lot of regards, I'll say. Uh, cares a lot about her friends, ambitious, and would basically die/murder for organization, but also socially awkward and, uh, mostly percepted as a goody-two-shoes. Also, true nerd™.

Mindy Lahiri! (I mean, again, this seems more of a who I feel like I am, and not who I come across as, cause those two things tend to differ on a variety of levels?)

Sam Winchester (you know I had to) Basically, we're both INFJs. I'm not even close to his level, but my brain officially ran out of characters so uh, empathetic, constantly interpreted as "boring" and the "brains", patient, *yearns to settle down with someone they love*, believes in second chances. The whole nine, but toned down XD

2. Aesthetic:

I'd usually have a hard time with this one, but I recently did a long thing about my aesthetic, so! I'm going to say, soft pastel, beige, and shades of white!! A tinge of light academia, but mostly unassumingly modern, and faded rainbows as watermarks.

3. Favorite musical/play? If you've never seen a musical or play, one you'd be interested in seeing?

You got me ~ never seen any. (I mean, school plays don't count, right?) I honestly have a bunch of musicals I want to see, recommendations from friends online, but somehow it always slips my mind. But, off the top of my head, @spot-the-brooklyn-pirate wanted me to check this one out, and I am looking forward to actually doing it sometime: Book of Mormon.

4. What's the best compliment you've ever received?

Mostly, anyone who says I, in any way, made them happy, literally gives me the best compliment ever. And uh, my sister called me inspiring once, and it stuck. When I nagged her into elaborating, she said she thought I was functional in spite of all my flailings, and self-analytic, and it didn't make sense to me, but I still think about that.

And a few people, over the course of time, have named some of my fics as their favorites, and those stay with me for a very long time.

5. How many times have you been in love?

Hardly once. She's still one of the most important people in the world to me, but as somebody great once said, if you don't fight for it, it doesn't count. And we didn't.

6. Embarrassing story or fact about yourself which now makes you laugh?

By far the most embarrassing thing I've ever done, is written a fic on wattpad which revolved around my own life, except for the fact that it really, really didn't. Long story shortened, I was in sixth grade, and had a surface-level-y crush on this guy, and it seemed like a brilliant idea at the time. In the story, we're all in senior year, though the authoress forgot pretty much all the real things about school XD it's not just cringy, but also extremely sixth-grade-y written, and it astounds me to this day that it went on to have like 18,000 views? (I managed to block the entire shtick out, until a few months back, when I randomly remembered and rushed to unpublish the work. *facepalm* it even had all our real names)

7. Favorite Disney/Pixar movie?

This one's so hard. Uh. Ratatouille, maybe?

8. Favorite flower/plant?

I regret having to confess that I probably don't have one :( but hey, my go-to answer for these ones is daisies, because they remind me of the lovely @daisy-jeon <3

9. What's your favorite holiday?

Holi :')

(I miss it being like the older times, though? Somehow it always clashes with my final exams these last few years, and Shelley is often not home, but it still really makes me happy, so just imagine how perfect it used to be, when I was a kid!!)

10. Name three things that made you smile/laugh this past week.

Rewatching The French Mistake!! A really great decision, haha!

The lovely comments an older fic of mine received, (about old Destiel, uwu) since a couple of big blogs happened to reblog it 🙈🙈🙈 and my activity started blowing up!!

A full-blown coffee high, which resulted in me being hilarious through a 98-message monologue to dish, eeeeee!!

11. What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

I'd been dreading this question the most, because I'm horrible at remembering good songs when I - need to be. Oofsies.

But I guess I could wing it with 'What About Us' by P!nk.

12. Name something that truly makes you peaceful even at your most stressful moments.

Writing about Character A of a ship going through said stressful moment, and Character B being the best possible responder to all of it. Projection's the key to functionality, kids.

13. What do you, did you, or would you study at college?

Would you, and will you, sound unfortunately like different questions to me, so I'm going to answer the one which is asked. I'd like to major in History, with a minor in English. (And to be crude for a bit, as my sister calls it, thus successfully be left solely employable as a teacher.)

14. This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

My black Avenger's logo t-shirt, with this pink hooded, kinda-down-past-my-hips, not-warm-at-all jacket and any one of my numerous, mwuahaha, grey shorts.

I never said I'd go out of the house in that outfit, did I?

15. What is a quote you live by?

I don't think there aren't any. I'm just here, faking it till I make it. Still, if I had to choose? Misha's "Be Kind to Yourself so You can be Happy enough to Be Kind to Others" is something I aspire to live by.

16. Name the funniest playlist name you have.

I'm sad that I don't have any funnily named ones now. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm hoping that it counts a teensy bit that I have like seven playlists just for background shtuff when I'm working, and they're all named *extremely* similarly, with variations of the word "study" basically, but all have exceptionally different vibes.

But I really am sorry, and I'm going to try and up my playlist-humor-game.

17. Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

'Time for tapwater'.

18. What is a message you'd give your younger self if given a chance?

Don't build your sense of self-worth over the people whose opinions you think matter. You don't have to get everybody to like you. (Oh, and probably don't switch between multiple first-person-pov's, even though you're just writing the most unrealistic self-indulgent fiction EVER.)

19. Who is your favorite family member? (If you have no good blood family members, feel free to mention someone in your found family)

Hands down, my sister. Shelley, didi, @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect, you're like the best part of my life, and you're probably going to be the longest part of it, too. Cause we might not have the best record for funny titles to call each other by, but we still nail the cheesy till the end of the line moments, ;)

20. What's a secret dream of yours?

I, uh. Want to run a completely-revolutionalizing-the-concept-of-education-style school ~ a boarding school actually, with my best friend dish. And as a means to acquire funds for it? We're going to do a whole lotta stand-up. :D

(Oh, and since i've already rambled for at least a thousand words, so what's the harm in a few more? At some point, probably on my birthday, I want to do a YouTube livestream, a pre-planned one of course, and everybody I've ever been frens with, on this dumb, wholesome hellsite???? They're all sent an invitation to join!! And there's nothing to do, really, we just talk and everyone's enjoying themselves, and I dunno, I had a dream about this once, and I've been so ridiculously smitten with the idea since!

Huh, maybe I could rally forces starting now, to make this possible by my eighteenth!!)

If anyone would like to play, these are really awesome questions! @3dg310rdsupreme @mystybloo @thotfordean @bcozwhythefuknot @theninthdutchessofhell @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @quicksilver-ships @all-or-nothing-baby @screamatthescreen @telefunkies @elvenlicht @facepalmmylifeu @specialagentrin @noemithenephilim @but-for-the-gods-three-days

[flying-elliska]

Ok I caught up with wtfock s3 because well, it felt weird to leave unfinished (except a few clips i just didn’t want to watch, like the attack one). here’s what worked and didn’t for me (i’m pretty critical so don’t read if that sort of thing upsets you or you’re not in the mood) because i still think having this story remade so often is an unprecendented storytelling experiment worth thinking about even when it doesn’t entirely work (and i think argumented criticism is good, but if you post hate about the actors/fans etc you really suck tbh) : 

- to start with positives : like many said, the acting was pretty damn good. overall wtfock has a really solid cast. the willems have succeeded in creating an onscreen queer intimacy that feels very believable, no holds barred and no awkwardness, and they have to be commended for that. there’s a lot of chemistry and tension at first between them, which then turns into something very soft and sweet and puppy-love-like. it was nice seeing Robbe evolve and the sweet bean energy that emanates from how the actor plays him is very very powerful. i also loved the warmth of the flatshare, and as a Dutchie I just adored the Sinterklaas bits, it was so funny and i loved the found family vibes. warmth is just something they do really well, esp with the last clips, perfume shopping, playing board games, the party at the end. They use the Christmassy vibes really well. the cinematography has its moments too, contrasts between warm and cold, the episode at the beach is gorgeous, the sequence in the tunnel, the light on their faces when they are in that classroom surrounded by drawings. wtfock as a whole is also good at creating some very lovable secondary characters, be it Milan, Yasmina, Noor, or especially king Senne. So, I do understand that there are things to love about this remake, which is probably why my disappointment feels so strong. I really wanted to care about these characters in their journey. 

- on to the controversial : i don’t necessarily fault them for wanting to show a more prononced aspect of homophobia. i think the debate about this often lacks nuance. on one hand, this is the sixth remake, and homophobia is something that is still often prevalent, and having one remake show that out of six is not in itself a problem. on the other, yes, happy fluffy stories are important, but sometimes people who have gone through stuff like this also need to see their experiences represented. the power of skam is that it shows difficult experiences BUT ALSO a happy ending. that can be very healing, i think, compared to other stories which focus only on the drama. the trouble is, i don’t think they dealt with it very well, or put any effort into processing the consequences of these harrowing things. and if you don’t, it feels cheap.

- on to my main gripe : the writing. previsible, i know. but to me, essential. and this is not about them ‘changing things’ - i like when remakes change stuff, when they do it well. the thing is, i have been burned too many times before. and when i sense that the writing is being wack, it makes it automatically much harder for me to invest emotionally in the characters. and simply put there were signs early on that made me distrust the writers. for starters, the first two episodes gave me a feeling that they didn’t have their priorities in order. the POV-immersion and depth is one of the most powerful aspects of skam, and it was lost. too many early clips felt out of Robbe’s perspective, and when it was him it was about Noor ; a few clips to show his discomfort were on point, but there were too many of them, and there were repetitive, losing time on what isn’t really an essential part of Robbe’s journey. and while they were spending time on clips that felt like misery flavored filler, they decided several times to condense original clips focused on Isak and Even, together ; like their first meeting and then their first hangout, or later in the series OHN and the minute by minute talk. and i think their story suffered from that. i think because they don’t have a real discussion early on, the buildup of their relationship feels mostly based on physical attraction. and while it certainly is a thing that happens, it just isn’t my fave love story thing. i missed the sweet pining from afar and tension that makes later drama believable. it felt like they brought the drama comparatively too fast without enough character work to make it worthwhile. Also there is just too much time spent on Zoenne drama, and their breakup seems like it foreshadows the dreaded s4 love triangle, which, yikes. the focus is all over the place, the rythm felt incoherent. 

- what’s more, they decided to introduce pretty grave elements of plot, like Robbe using slurs against Sander, the homophobic attack, the suicidal urges on both their sides, Sander kissing Britt while he was still saying I love you to Robbe in the morning, without either proper build up or resolution. It made it all feel cheap, jarring, and unearned, especially when they didn’t put trigger warnings or made jokes about it on insta or waited forever to give news about the characters being ok. it felt like drama for the sake of drama, and definitely not written with a vulnerable audience of queer teens in mind. and at the same time, when it came to the ‘big scenes’ of their relationship, like the first kiss or the universes talk or sander’s episode, it felt more or less lifted from OG without a lot of effort made to adapt it to them. i actually quit live watching/blogging after the first kiss scene, because of how similar it was, and how uninspired it felt, and lukewarm. it felt like a lack of imagination. when it came to OHN, the scene in itself was lovely, but the weird time gap, random timing and people seemingly doing nothing after a suicidal Sander disappeared, sort of broke it for me.  In the OG the combo of buildup, longing, realisation, fear, release works so well in a sequence, and splitting it over time really diluted it, to me. Similarly the quickly thrown out ‘life is now’ at the ending felt sort of out of nowhere, while in OG it was such a lovely bookend, him apologizing to Eva and reflecting on his growth. The symbolism, which ties everything so beautifully together in themes of rebirth, salvation, baptism, union, faith, deciding your own narrative in OG, here feels inconsistent. There is an attempt I see, something about wasteland vs. warmth/family, but it’s often absent of main clips. It’s nowhere near as coherent as it could be. 

- all of this builds up to the main problem for me, of the season. which is, i didn’t really get into Robbe and Sander’s relationship. Or their individual arcs for that matter. When it comes to Robbe, I guess he just isn’t my type of character. I feel like he is missing the fire of an Isak. A lot of the time he just felt too passive, like he let other characters make his decisions. I was waiting for him to stand up for himself more than he did. And there are too many scenes of another character doing his coming out for him. And then Sander ; I have to say I don’t understand all the love his character gets. Maybe because that’s because he sort of gives me Dutch fuckboi vibes...but there were several times he just came accross as a flat out asshole. I found him intriguing in his intro clip, chaotic and charming, but that never really went where i expected it to. i didn’t get his passion, what drew him to art. the symbolism around his character - basically Bowie, and drawing Robbe, and Chernobyl (which is a bit tasteless imho, turning a tragedy like that into a cutesy romantic thing), feels ...disjointed, and shallow to me. Like I never really got into it. And maybe some people did and noticed deeper links but to me, I got stuck at the surface. I saw a lot of interesting theories with what was going on with him but in the end they just copied OG. And I’m sad to say, but he ended up feeling like a manic pixie dream boy cliché to me, and i just didn’t understand what drew them to each other so strongly. Yes, Robbe is caring and Sander is in need of care, but that feels like a very reductive reproduction of OG. Beyond that...i don’t know. Certain complexities of the OG i loved  just...were sanded away, like Isak being ignorant about MI and learning compassion. This just...didn’t feel like it had the same depth, and often felt like soapy teenage drama, leaning too hard and too lazily on the actors’ chemistry. i like my romances wordy and solidly enmeshed in character development, and this was not it. It never felt like they had a real conversation about things, esp after the drama. 

- i think this is the first remake that made me actually angry for reasons not related to problematic cast shit, and so i’m trying to analyze that emotion. for me it comes down to too much drama, too heavy handed. Too much of the boy squad being shitty to Robbe, too much Noor, too much filler clips without any deeper meaning, too much things distracting from getting to know the main characters and going into their issues in depth. They changed stuff, but didn’t have the guts to actually follow through. They broke the mold but only in ways that ended up feeling shallow and unconsequential. Like I would have loved seeing Robbe go to therapy ! see his mom ! Zoe and Robbe go to the police together ! Sander have a complicated home situation ! or doing a Bowie related art installation to express his feelings of alienation ! seeing more of the underground graffiti scene ! or just...something, idk. And them also removing the faith-related themes also felt disappointing. and the ohn clip taking place in the place where sander draws feels very....basic to me, even if it was pretty. very ‘oh he’s an artist, here is his safe place’....hm, okay. I didn’t like that they made Britt into such a villain, I didn’t like how the boy squad showed no care for Robbe whatsoever for weeks until the plot said it was time for them to be redeemed in a way that felt too jarring, and I didn’t like that they made Moyo so horrible but redeemed him so easily. I actually thought they would show that it’s okay to separate yourself from friends who are that bigoted, because it just shows they are not willing to care for people. And him suddenly saying those sweet and mature things felt too out of characters and a ahah ‘gotcha’ rather than depth . I didn’t like that Robbe, too, was made so virulent by his internalized homophobia but got over it so quickly. I think what disappointed me most, in the end, was that I kept picking up potential and the show kept doing absolutely nothing with it, or confirming my fears, and it made me feel stupid and out of tune with whatever they were doing. And it’s, to me, symptomatic in modern storytelling of a trend to privilege shocks and twists over inner coherence and build up. And it makes for...Very underwhelming stuff, in the end. 

- all in all, i think this remake illustrates why s3 of OG is not as easy to remake as it sounds. it’s very intricate machinery, with a pitch perfect rhythm (and an extremely passionate nitpicky fanbase lmao). and if you don’t get all the parts of why it’s so great, you’re going to lose a lot of it. (and all the remakes ended losing up stuff in translation ; more or less compensated by inventivity and charm of their own.) so many mainstream press articles praise the real time/social media format and the ‘real talk about teen issues’ which, yeah, is part of the success, but doesn’t explain the devotion on its own. there’s the way the story uses real time to build up a storytelling rythm that feels organic and makes sense as if it was part of the lives of the viewer. There’s foreshadowing and aftershocks. Wtfock often feels like they wrote the clip numbers on darts and randomly threw them at a week planner. If an episode of a regular series ends on a cliffhanger, we can be thrilled and frustrated and put it aside for next week. but if you end an episode with a character shown to be suicidal, or you don’t show them being okay after a beating, for hours or days, that’s the emotion you leave your viewers with, because skam is a continuous experience. and remakes who pile on drama moments without respite (looking at you too skamfr s4) don’t get how tiring and disengaging this can be, in this format. skam worked so well because of how benevolent it was, on the whole. and also, cheeky, with that ‘don’t take it too seriously’ deflating humor. grumpy isak in ‘hate me now’ mode getting bumped into. this lightness and comedy often feels missing here. also my god the social media is absolutely terrible. plus...there is too much filler. honestly, them having more time, on the whole...ended up being a bad thing. Plus Wtfock feels like it has so much more unadressed plot points, like...why did Sander change his mind exactly and kiss Britt again ? How did Robbe’s mom react ? Who did the attack ? What is happening w Senne now ? etc. And it feels like they just missed the fact that OG, however subtly, did adress those things. 

- now, don’t get me wrong, i’m happy it’s popular in Belgium. On the whole it’s still a beautiful story of love and acceptance. and that people found something in it that spoke to them. but as a remake, it’s probably one of the most disappointing yet, to me. and i sort of...don’t get the hype. and i don’t want to be too ‘oh cute boys kissing’ cynical about it. but i think this illustrates why in the end, this is also very subjective. there are probably things i missed because i didn’t feel the need to examine it in depth or do the extra emotional work that comes with being a devoted fan of something. and some of their choices made me angry, and i’m not forgiving when it comes to these things. i still wish them success for s4 and whatever else, but i don’t think i will watch live, at least unless it gets really rave reviews about their treatment of Yasmina’s season. i mean they got s2 right, who knows? 

[makeste]

a hero under construction

A.k.a. “yep I really went and tried to defend Bakugou ‘hey there bad decisions, it’s me, ya boi’ Katsuki in BnHA chapter one, if you can believe it. No, I don’t know why I suddenly felt the pressing need to do this either.”

So as you may know from sources such as: This Entire Blog, I like metaing about Bakugou. All sorts of meta! I have talked about Bakugou and Deku. Bakugou and Mitsuki. Bakugou and Determination, and Bakugou and Redemption.

But one thing I have not ever really talked about is Bakugou And That One Time He Told Deku To... You Know. The Thing. Because lol. That was so bad. You guys. Everyone agrees. Fandom doesn’t debate about this. That was a shitty, shitty thing.

And look, I’m not going to debate it either! Not really. But what I will say is that Bakugou Katsuki has always been my favorite BnHA character. Literally from the moment he was introduced. And I don’t feel like I’ve ever really adequately been able to explain why. I don’t gloss over his actions -- or at least I don’t think I do -- but to me those actions also don’t define him. Anyway, out of nowhere I had the sudden impulse to talk about this, so I’m gonna try and take a stab at it. Here goes.

So here’s Bakugou on page one of chapter one:

oh no baby what is you doing.

And then later on, all grown up! Not really though. But you know, older.

Yes, he really was my favorite right from this moment. Quote:

“YOU ASSHOLE, TWO SENTENCES IN AND I’M ALREADY POSITIVE YOU’RE GOING TO BE MY FUCKING FAVORITE. YOU’RE SECRETLY SENSITIVE AREN’T YOU. WITH A TRAGIC PAST. OR SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES THAT YOU’RE OVERCOMPENSATING FOR. YOU SON OF A BITCH. YOU PIECE OF SHIT”

He absolutely was a piece of shit too, the little fucker.

But anyway, the point is, I knew right away. And it’s not like I just went “OH MY GOD WHAT AN ASSHOLE I LOVE HIM” or anything lol. The thing is, it wasn’t Bakugou himself that I immediately fell in love with on the spot. It was his inevitable redemption arc. That shit was written in the stars from day one. It was inescapable. You do not introduce the main character’s antagonistic childhood friend (you can put air quotes around “friend” if you like), who wants to go to the same school as him and seems to be living a charmed life up until this point with everything going for him, and who is, to be blunt, a Humongous Shithead, and not have a redemption arc planned for him. Some things are just fate, guys. So anyways, yeah, I saw that and I immediately went “oh my god, it’s going to be so good,” and I decided right there and then that the only expedient thing to do was to go ahead and make him my favorite right there, before the proverbial ink had so much as dried.

Like, to put this another way. You know Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban? Specifically the part where Harry explains how he was suddenly able to cast a perfect Patronus charm in order to save Sirius and his own past self? “I knew I could do it this time, because I’d already done it... Does that make sense?” Anyways, you see, what happened here is sorta like that. When I first saw Katsuki, he was not immediately my favorite. But I knew that he would be, because two decades of reading shounen manga has helped give me a sixth sense for honing in on this very specific type of character arc. Rivalries, character development, the works. And pretty much the second I laid eyes on this little shit, I fucking knew he was gonna have that kind of arc. And if he did, he would become my favorite. So I thought I’d save time and make him my favorite right there and then. So I did. And I’ve never regretted it. Basically, I don’t love him because of who he is; I love him for who I have faith that he will become (and in the more recent chapters is, in fact, becoming).

Anyways, now that we’ve established that, just understand that all of this was in the back of my mind the whole time as I went on to read the rest of the chapter, and indeed, the series. So! Katsuki then goes on to brag about how he’s going to be the first AND ONLY!! student from Aldera Jr. High to get into U.A., before he blows up the main character’s desk for absolutely no reason. Which, by the way, their teacher just kind of sat back and let happen. You know, I tend to give the U.A. faculty a lot of grief, but maybe I should ease up on them some. The standards for teaching in this society are really kind of abysmal.

Anyway, so we should probably just fast-forward to The Thing already.

Oh Deku, honey. Nah that ain’t gonna happen.

So then,

Like, just in case it wasn’t clear enough before. Katsuki is, in fact, being a big ol’ anus.

And just in case it still wasn’t clear enough!

Honestly, I know fandom has zeroed in on the scene that takes place one page after this, but truth be told, I feel like this was arguably even crueler than that. If only because he went right for the thing Deku values most. He knows how important those notebooks are to him. This wasn’t just the physical destruction of Deku’s property (which is bad enough); it was also a direct attack on Deku’s aspirations. He’s trying to stomp them out. He specifically stayed after class to torment him just for that purpose.

Anyways, he goes on to reiterate that he’ll be the first and only student from Aldera to go to U.A., and then he tells Deku “don’t you dare get into U.A., nerd.” Which is what this entire scene boils down to, really. Bakugou, despite giving Deku endless grief for being quirkless, and repeatedly telling him he doesn’t stand a chance and needs to face facts, in truth feels threatened enough by Deku applying to U.A. that he goes to all of this effort just to try and scare him off. He doesn’t tell him “you’ll never get in”; he doesn’t even say “don’t try to get in.” It’s specifically, “don’t you dare get in.” Even here, at his very worst, at his most arrogant and cruel and physically violent, we can see hints of the insecurity that’s secretly at the root of this entire thing.

Anyways. And then...

Hahaha okay sob so we have finally come to this.

Look. I’m not gonna turn around and start defending this. I absolutely will not. The actions are indefensible. What I will defend, however, is the fourteen-year-old boy who made them. Because he is just that -- a fourteen-year-old boy. In other words, a kid. A very stupid, mean kid, who was old enough to know better. Youth doesn’t excuse everything. But I’m not going to condemn a child for life because of the shitty things they did at age fourteen. Fourteen is a very stupid age. No offense to any teenagers reading this! There are plenty of teenagers who do manage to navigate adolescence without temporarily losing their fucking minds. But I think it’s fair to say that just about everyone makes at least one or two mistakes during that period. Most people wind up with at least a few regrets. Which is honestly a good thing. It’s natural. If you don’t screw up at least once or twice growing up, you don’t get the chance to learn from it.

Anyway, so yeah. That’s my defense. He’s a kid. Maybe to some people it’s a weak defense. And yeah, maybe I’m too forgiving! Again, though, I’m not saying it’s in any way okay. What I am saying is that I don’t believe in one-strike-and-you’re-out. Especially if it’s a child. Yes, some people never change, and they keep on being shitty people for the rest of their lives. But for the most part, people are trying their best. And for kids and teenagers especially, I’m just about always willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, and trust them to keep trying to do better. Kids aren’t completed works; they’re still only rough drafts. And this applies to Katsuki as well. He’s still an effort in progress. A hero under construction.

Anyway, though. Basically you either cancel Bakugou after this scene, or you don’t. If you don’t, then let’s go ahead and keep moving forward. So how does Deku react to all of this?

Honestly, I think this here is a scene that doesn’t always receive its share of consideration. There are two things that stand out to me here. First, that Deku’s reaction to his former friend telling him to jump off a roof is to get frustrated about what a stupid fucking thing that was to say, because Katsuki could get in trouble for it. Never mind that this asshat just burned your notebook and joked about you killing yourself! He’s angry because Katsuki didn’t fucking think for two seconds before saying something which could have potentially had such devastating consequences for him, let alone Izuku.

Just. Okay. So not that this makes it any better, mind! But it is worth pointing out nonetheless, because it’s a definite Thing in fandom for people to sometimes retcon Deku’s reaction to this and make this one incident into The Single Biggest Issue From Their Entire Fucked Up Childhood. Like, I’m talking about those fanfics where it somehow gets out that Hey Guys, One Time Bakugou Told Deku To Kill Himself, and Deku is all angry and tearful about it, and Bakugou is super guilty and Ashamed, and everyone is horrified and there is Fallout and Drama and so forth, and then usually some kind of reconciliation afterwards. Which is nice. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be nice to have that kind of catharsis. But what I am trying to say is that I think fandom perhaps places more weight on this one particular incident than the canon does. Or the characters, for that matter. Because while Izuku has every right to feel horrified, and Katsuki by all rights should probably be losing a bit of sleep in his guilt over this, the reality in canon seems to be that neither of them ever treated it as that big of a deal. Possibly because it never occurred to either character for even an instant that Izuku might actually go through with it. I honestly don’t think Katsuki would have said it if he’d thought otherwise. Not that that’s an excuse either, because there was no way for him to actually know. But just trying to get into his mindset here, I honestly don’t think it entered his mind that Deku would try it. And clearly Deku never entertained the thought either. So in that regard, Katsuki basically just got very, very lucky.

Moving on to the second of the two things I mentioned, what does hurt Deku more than the go kill yourself implications, I think, are the I literally do not give a shit about you implications that naturally accompany a statement like this. And that, more than anything, is the sentiment I think Katsuki was actually trying to get across. I don’t care about you at all. I have so little regard for you that it wouldn’t bother me if you died. Which of course is equally as terrible a sentiment as the other, if not more so. It’s an exceptionally cruel thing to imply. But it’s what he wanted to express, regardless. Because, again, he has an entire dissertation’s worth of insecurities when it comes to Deku, and as we learn later on, he’s gotten the idea somehow that Deku is purposely mocking him and trying to knock him down a peg. And so this is his retaliation; his way of trying to deal with what in truth is his own self-imposed baggage. Meanwhile Deku is just trying to mind his own business -- contrary to popular belief, I think he has gotten the message by this point that Katsuki doesn’t want him following him around -- but he still refuses to relinquish his own dream of getting into U.A. and becoming a hero, no matter how out of reach it may seem. And so he puts up with the abuse, because he can’t fight back, but he’s not willing to back down, either. Basically things are tense!! And shitty!

Anyway, so that’s pretty much my breakdown of The Thing. This meta isn’t done yet, though! Because obviously no “Bakugou in chapter one” meta would be complete without an analysis of what I'd argue is actually the much more important Thing that also happens in this chapter. Namely, this:

Hahaha. Welcome to being a character in shounen manga, kid. When that karma train loops back around, it loops hard.

So! Bakugou stomps around some alleyways with his fellow middle school lowlives grumping about how Deku pisses him off. It’s worth noting that he already understands he’s done something wrong, here. His buddies even call him out on it -- “you went too far today” -- and his only argument is that “it’s his fault for messing with me.” He knows he was a shithead. Rather than denying it, he’s already moved on to trying to justify it. Really he’s just got too much pride to admit he went too far. It wouldn’t surprise me if that’s actually one of the reasons he’s so angry in this scene, even. He knows he done fucked up, and that just pisses him off more. Anyway so then he suddenly gets eaten by a giant blob, which. Yeah, this is BnHA. That can sometimes happen.

Let’s go back for a moment and talk more about the “GO KILL YOURSELF” thing! In real life, how would you deal with that situation? Like, imagine that it’s your job to discipline this kid. And assuming also that you work at a school that actually has policies about bullying, rather than teachers who just sit around filing their nails while the kids blow up each other’s desks. But anyways, my guess is it’d probably be some combination of suspension, detention, and/or community service, etc. But here’s the thing -- punishment can only go so far in dealing with the underlying issue. The real goal is to change the behavior. So there should be some measures to address that as well. Mentoring, behavior contracts, counseling, whatever. You don’t want the thing to happen again. You want the pattern of behavior to change.

Anyway, because BnHA society has massive problems which no one seems interested in tackling, this of course doesn’t happen, and Bakugou appears to get away scot free as far as Official Consequences For His Actions. But, because this is shounen manga, and we can’t just let our characters carry on not developing, something does happen instead which fortunately gets the ball rolling toward Redemption in its own unorthodox way. Namely, Katsuki gets eaten by the aforementioned giant blob, and Deku saves him.

That’s right! That Deku! Who, and I cannot stress this enough, bears absolutely no responsibility for Katsuki’s predicament at all, despite what he might think. Deku, whom none of us are worthy of in the slightest. Deku, despite being powerless, despite having no quirk, is the only person to try and do anything at all to save Katsuki, who -- and I can’t stress this enough, either -- is fucking dying. Like, holy shit. How the hell did this whole thing go from zero to fuCKED UP!! in such a short period of time?? just. !!

Anyway, so remember the part earlier where I said like a dozen times in a row, "he’s just a kid”? Yeah, I feel like that bears repeating just one more time.

Yeaaaaah. Fuck me so hard. Like hell there was ever even a chance of me ever not adopting this toxic fucking shitnugget after this. Just go ahead and fade me now. I know what my weaknesses are, and they are: This. Just, all of this.

Because here’s the thing about Katsuki: he tries to be tough, but he’s not. Not really. Not yet. He’s strong! He’s determined! But he’s still young, and far more fragile then he’d ever want people to think. All of his shitty behavior stems from the fact that he’s much less sure of himself than he puts on. He’s someone who has always been the best, and wants desperately to be THE best, and it also just so happens that he has absolutely no idea what he would do if he wasn’t. If he ever failed. If he wasn’t strong. And he’s scared shitless of it, and every last one of his most despicable actions stems from that fear.

But because he’s so bullheaded, he stubbornly refuses to acknowledge any of this, and persists in applying the only solution to this problem that he can think of: just fucking get stronger, and also CRUSH!!! anyone who dares to get in your way. If you’re afraid of being weak, then just don’t be weak. Don’t you dare. And so he doesn’t. He persists in Being Strong even to his own detriment. Even when it destroys his closest friendship. Even when it reaches the point where he can’t take joy in anything less than total victory. Even when it warps him into someone others see only as a villain. As Uncle Iroh once said, Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source.

So he tries to be tough. And he puts up an incredible fight, honestly. This thing is suffocating him. We know from Deku’s earlier POV just how painful and frightening of an experience it is. But he fights back regardless. He doesn’t give up. But he’s terrified. We can see it, in this scene, in case it wasn’t already apparent. He’s struggling, he can’t breathe, no one is helping him, everyone’s just watching. He’s not strong enough to beat this thing on his own. He’s a child, and he’s dying. Like, fuck, though.

And I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that this is probably the first time in his life that Katsuki has ever actually felt helpless. All his life, he’s been afraid of being weak, but he hasn’t ever actually been weak, though. But this, now, is something he’s actually powerless against. For the first time in his life, he’s up against something that not his quirk nor his intelligence nor his sheer stubbornness can get him out of. And the ironic thing is that he’s spent his entire life mocking Deku for being useless and weak. But here, for this one critical moment, the roles are reversed. Katsuki is now the one who is powerless.

And it’s Deku who comes to save him.

Fucking look at how Horikoshi devotes an entire panel to the notebook flopping down on the ground, though. The same notebook Katsuki burned earlier that day. Because Horikoshi likes to really get in there and make you feel that searing irony deep in your bones.

Why, indeed. And we already know the answer, of course. No need to delve any deeper into that one again. Deku has many reasons, but truth be told, he only ever needed one.

That’s it. That’s all the reason he’ll ever need. No further questions asked.

And then All Might springs into action and rescues them both, and the whole dramatic scene ends. With both of my kids intact, much to my relief.

So, to recap! (1) Katsuki burns Deku’s notebook and tells him to off himself, because he’s a fucked-up little turd with a raging case of gifted child syndrome who was not thinking about any of the potential consequences of his actions, and also was just being a straight up jerk. (2) Katsuki then receives a karmic bitchslap in the form of A Giant Sludge Man, Come to Devour Him. And finally (3) Katsuki is saved by none other than the kid he was being a straight up dick to!

So after all of that, I think there’s only one thing we can say, really, and that is: Katsuki did you learn your lesson!?

KATSUKI WHY.

Lol okay, but. In all seriousness, I think it’s pretty clear here that he does realize that Deku just saved his fucking life after he, Katsuki, behaved like a piece of flaming hot garbage to him for eleven years. He understands the implications of that. Otherwise he wouldn’t have chased him down afterwards just to scream at him, “YOU ABSOLUTELY DID NOT SAVE MY LIFE!!” before stomping off to go sulk some more. Like, clearly he gets it. It’s just that his pride won’t let him acknowledge it out loud.

And it would be easy to look at this and say, “smdh, clearly he hasn’t changed a bit even after all of that.” Except that in the very next chapter,

And it would also be easy to say, “well woopty doo, he’s not actively deriding and bullying Deku anymore, finally, after a dozen years, and all it took was for Deku to save his fucking life. HOLY SHIT HOW ALTRUISTIC OF HIM, WHAT A GENEROUS FUCKING GUY, WE’RE NOT WORTHY, etc. etc.. And okay, yeah. Point made. I get it.

But still. Change is change. He realizes that what he did was wrong, and so he changes the behavior. As trivial a gesture as it might seem in comparison to the LITERAL DECADE OF ABUSE -- it’s still a gesture. It’s the start of something. A sign that he is in fact capable of learning, and that he might not be beyond redemption. And much in the same way that I won’t cancel a fourteen-year-old kid for doing shitty cruel immature fourteen-year-old kid things, I’m also not going to deride someone’s baby steps. Just because he doesn’t transform overnight into Deku’s devoted loyal follower doesn’t mean he’s not changing. It’s a process, is all. But one very much worth supporting and encouraging. Because Bakugou Katsuki plays redemption arcs on hard mode; but in spite of that, as with everything else, he plays to win. And when you’re starting from so low, the only thing you can do is rise.

Deku once said that Bakugou as a child was neither “bad” nor “good”, but that after he got his quirk, “he started down the path towards ‘bad.’” And from there, it took him another eleven years to course-correct and painfully start back on the path towards “good” again. But, crucially, he did. And that, right there, was the hardest part. Once you’re back on course, the only thing you have to do is keep moving forward, and not quit. And if there’s anything Bakugou excels at, it’s that. This one thing, he is very, very good at.

He’s still learning. But this is why we trust in the power of redemption arcs. As the saying that I just made up goes, Once a shithead, not always a shithead. You have to believe in the potential. People don’t write stories about characters who only ever stay exactly where they started from on square one. They just don’t. And Bakugou will not. He has not.

And I for one can’t wait to see the good this kid can do.

[scribeofmorpheus]

Himmeløyne [1/?]

Pairing: Loki Odinson x Reader

Words: 4995 | Warnings: Violence | Translations in Italics

A/N: So I’ve had this fic in my WIP’s for like a year now. I wanted to finish the rest of my projects before starting this one, but... Oh well! The dialogue is in Norwegian but this is strictly for the opening chapter because it sets the scene and I didn’t anticipate how much work it would be to try and write in two languages. My translations are a bit shoddy! Like and Reblog, and don’t be shy to ask to be tagged!

NOTE: Thanks to the amazing @mejohanssonwrites for helping me with the translations! I have made slight alterations to the Norwegian dialogue and I cannot express how much I appreciate someone taking time to help me and my little blog along! You the best xx.

<<previous ○ next>>

~Trønsberg, Norway 1065AD -A Hundred Years after the Battle of Tønsberg

A glimmer of magnificent colours spilt through a hole in the sky. When the glass like visage ended, a man dressed in glimmering armour -adorned with a two-horned helmet and a sweeping cape- stood at the centre of a runic pattern that had been scorched into the earth.

In one hand he held a stave and in the other, an ornate box carved from wood. There was a small symbol carved into the box: eight arms spread outward from a circular focal point.

With a shimmer of brilliant light, the man’s otherworldly clothes dissipated, only to be replaced by humble rags. The man stepped away from the cliff face, making his way downhill to what appeared to be a small fishing village.

~Trønsberg, Norway 1265AD

You and your mother lived in seclusion, away from the rest of your Nordic tribe. Your little stone and wood hut was built close to the village cliff face, overlooking the frosty glazed tundra’s -a view you had spent hours marvelling at since childhood.

You loved spending hours imagining trekking up those dangerous snow-covered slopes in order to get to the summit where, in your mind, you would shout out to the heavens and the stars and they, in turn, would hear you and thunder back words of praise and acknowledgement.

Your life was a hard one. Everything you had, from the furs you slept on to the fish you ate, you had either earned through hard sweat or fought for.

This life, this simplistic life, was not for everyone. This hard life had calloused your hands, making it so they would not bleed as easily, and it had worked your legs to the point you could fortify yourself when a sword crashed against your shield. Barely into your mid-twenties and your life had already sharpened you to a bleeding edge. You were a survivor, but you were also an outsider since birth.

Your mother was a crone, one blessed with foresight. Her abilities presented themselves when she read the future in the raven bones and spoke in tongues as a conduit to the stars. Many respected and feared her. They believed her to be a sign of divine intervention, declaring her a blessed one -proof that the heavens were not empty and Odin looked down on you all.

As will all power that evokes otherness, with such important responsibility came a deep reverence. Worse yet, a stigma. Despite being a part of the tribe, the both of you were also apart from the tribe.

Being one from her blood, you had inherited an ability all your own, though it was much weaker. It presented itself as a sixth sense. Beginning with a tingle that would rush up your spine and then finishing with the draining of blood from your cheeks. On restless days, dark days, your blood would sometimes turn to ice in your veins, prompting shivers to chatter at your teeth. It was an early warning system, a deeply disturbing sense that warned when danger was near. Where your mother read raven bones, your body fortold of the rising of a bad omen.

These abilities usually affording you some fearful glances, sometimes coupled with rigid nods of respect. Everyone in the village kept a safe distance from you and your mother, unless they sought you out of their own volition seeking guidance and sage counsil.

However, this wasn't all that was special about your bloodline -about you. As odd as it seemed in face of premonition and foresight, what stood out about the women in your family was the colour of their eyes. The colour of your eyes.

Azure was the colour of your eyes. The colour of the sky, clear and strikingly bright. It was this notable trait that afforded the women of your family the title of Himmel Kvinner; Women of the Sky -even though it was a title sparsely used. Instead, your family had adopted the name Himmeløyne. But your eyes were different than the women of your family, just slightly. A ring of gold enveloped your iris. It had an odd behaviour to it. some days it shimmered and glowed like something otherworldly, almost molten. Dancing as though the gold was alive with wondrous secrets.

Your mother used to say she could see the whole universe in your eyes. Something you shared with your father. A man you never knew. But that wasn't all he had bestowed upon you. You didn't resemble many of your kin with skin less fair and hair less tame. Whenever you asked your mother about him she would say he came from the heavens and that he had loved her an eternities worthwhile in a mortals world. She had told you he was quiet and stoic, a man whose truest thoughts were never spoken aloud but realised with his gaze alone.

The day began like any other. You had spent the early mornings fishing by the stream, and once you had scaled and cleaned the fish you went on your way to gather wood for the fires. While wondering the woods you ran into a familiar group of curious children who made sure to keep a good distance between you and them.

Like hunters eyeing a prized elk, they followed you from one edge of the woods to another, tittering from delight at getting to steal a glance of your face. On occasion, you would let the children get close before scaring them with playful shouts. They would scream and run for cover behind large tree trunks, shivering one instant only for laughter to follow abruptly afterwards. It was a secret game you played with them. A game you hoped would allow them to grow out of their fear of you. As a child, you had hated being seen as the witch in the woods. Children could be mean, and fear could be a terrible teacher. An unpleasant memory from those years and the scar above your brow ensured you'd never forget the power fear could have over people.

As you bent down to pluck some wildflowers growing next to a berry thicket, you heard the voices of several men making their way into the village from a successful hunt. Cautiously, you ducked low, hiding behind the thicket -not because you were afraid they'd see you, but because you wanted to know what they talked about when they weren't aware of your presence.

"I kveld skal vi spise som konger!" One of the hunters exclaimed proudly.

Tonight, we shall feast like kings!

"Ikke hvis Olav får hendene på villsvinet først! Han er større enn Inger! Og hun spiser for to! " Another said with a hearty laugh.

Not if Olav gets his hands on the boar first! He's larger than Inger! And she's eating for two!

You recognised who they were talking about. Olav was the chief's oldest son, as well as his burliest. Even though you'd never been invited to a banquet, your mother had, and from what you knew from her stories, the hunter's rendition of Olav was spot on. Feeling courageous, you peeked over the thicket until your nose tickled the line of leaves where the bush stopped.

"Ja, men han gjør absolutt ingenting! Han bare spiser og driter. Vedder på at han ikke klarer å få’n opp for kona!" The tallest of the hunters said, his hand rubbing at his groin mockingly.

Yes, because he does absolutely nothing! All he does is eat and shit! I bet he can't even get it up for his wife!

The hunters laughed.

A stout hunter with braided red hair turned and huffed at the joke, his tone slightly wistful, "Hva jeg ville gitt for å stikke den i henne." He sighed as though he were some forlorn lover.

What I would give to stick it to her.

The rest of the men playfully slapped his back and bellowed in laughter.

With the hunters now ahead of you, you decided to sneak after them. Their strange comradery and energy drawing you near them. You wanted to hear more, to see more, to know what it was like to live with them, not just near them.

"Forsiktig nå, Bjørn, sånn som du holder på kommer du til å bli far til halve landsbyen!" The youngest hunter teased.

Careful Bjørn, at this rate you'll father half the village!

The red-haired hunter -Bjørn- grumbled something like an insult and stomped over to the younger, smaller hunter. He looked as though he were about to throw his fists at the blonde boy, but instead, he wrangled him in a headlock and ruffled his short curls roughly. The young hunter protested against Bjørn's large arms, but his grip seemed impregnable. The rest of the men laughed as they watched their two friends tousle about.

You gasped in shock, setting your half stocked basket on the ground and trotting near a large tree to get a better peak. A scamper of tiny feet sounding out behind you.

After a few tumbles on the ground, the younger hunter finally yielded and tapped Bjørn's arms, "Jeg gir opp! Jeg gir opp!"

I give up! I give up!

Bjørn released his grip and staggered to his feet. Patting the young hunter with a satisfied grin on his face, "Ikke alle kan være like kjekk som deg, Baldrick. Det er derfor vi har stygge sønner; for at du ikke skal stjele alle damenes hjerter."

Not all of us can be as pretty as you, Baldrick! That's why we have to have ugly sons to keep you from stealing all the women's hearts!

"Ja, ja!" Baldrick sighed in annoyance. His cheeks were red with defeat. He kicked the dirt around him as the men continued their trek.

Yes, yes!

That had been enough excitement for the day. You stood out from behind the tree and went to retrieve your basket. As you picked your basket and turned to leave, your foot stepped on a twig and the crunching snap it made echoed around you. You gulped, afraid that maybe the hunters had heard you. A thought that was instantly confirmed when the sound of their laughter and banter faded behind you. Surrounded by dead silence, you remembered something your mother had said when she had caught you stealing berries from the winter stores, "Hvis du ser skyldig ut, er du skyldig. Selv om du ikke er det."

If you look guilty, then you are guilty. Even if you aren't.

So, you straightened your spine, relaxed your eyes and pulled a sweet smile across your face, turning to face the men as though they had been the ones to disturb your walk. You tilted your head slightly and strolled to another patch of wildflowers.

The men gave you a nod out of courtesy and continued walking, albeit much quieter than before. You noticed the youngest hunter -Baldrick- sneak defiant looks your way, smiling more and more each time. When you smiled back, he beamed with a toothy grin that he tried to hide from the rest of his company. You felt your cheeks begin to grow hot and you didn't understand why.

The sound of children giggling behind you alerted you to the fact your little friends had returned. Feeling a little mischievous, you hooked an eyebrow up and turned swiftly in an effort to spook them.

"Raaaaah!" You shouted.

The kids screamed just as expected and scattered away from you with bubbly laughter. You watched them run to the group of hunters.

A young lass, around four or five, stopped for a moment to give you a clumsy wave.

You paused, holding your breath.

That was the first time anyone had regarded you so openly... so warmly. When the child waved at you, there was no fear in her eyes, only genuine happiness.

Reluctantly, you smiled back at her, slowly picking up your arm to wave back. When Baldrick looked back, possibly to sneak another look, he saw the young girl standing still and waving at you, his grin returning. He held out his hand and called after the little girl, "Sigrid, kom."

Sigrid, your smile grew. That was your mother’s name.

The little girl was ushered out of her daze and trotted after Baldrick, taking his large hands into her two small ones. Soon the group of children and hunters disappeared from your line of sight and you began to make your way back home with the supplies you gathered. All the while, an odd feeling began to settle inside your stomach. It made your nerves tingle and your spine shiver.

When the sun was at its peak, you had decided to go down to your favourite cavern. There was a hidden hot spring there and you were in need of a bath. As you were preparing your satchel with the necessary herbs for aroma, your mother walked into the hut with a worrying expression on her face.

"Mor er alt okay?" You asked her with worry clearly showing on your usually stoic face.

Mother, is everything okay?

The lines on your mothers face creased as she smeared on a pained smile, her eyes on you but her thoughts elsewhere. She placed a reassuring hand on your cheek and a warm kiss on your forehead.

"Ja, kjære, alt kommer til å ordne seg ,"she said softly before she took her leave and sat on the furs by the fire. The embers casting bright colours onto her aged face in a splendid kaleidoscopic show.

Yes, my daughter. Everything will be alright.

There was that feeling gnawing at your stomach again. It made you unsteady and lightheaded. The world seemed to tilt about like a boat swaying helplessly against the unforgiving waves of the sea. It was the feeling of dread. The feeling of a bad omen approaching.

Thinking yourself simply more wired than usual, you had cast those unwelcome feelings aside. You took solace in the fact your mother had shown no signs of fear, only distraction. And if the crone of the village was not in a panic, then there was no reason for her daughter to be.

She took out her black leather pouch filled with raven bones and runes and tossed them onto the floor. As her slender, wrinkly digits hovered over the bones, you caught a glimpse of the Ægishjalmar branded onto her forearm. A brand you now bore too. You asked her once what its purpose was, why it was carved into the door of your house, all she said was that it protected the source of your power. A rite of passage.

With your mother focused on the task at hand, you thought it best to leave her be. Now was not the time for interruption, not while she was summoning her powers of foresight.

You grabbed your stave and an extra cover of furs as you made your way out of the hut. Before you were out of earshot, you heard your mother whisper to herself once more, " Ja, kjære, alt kommer til å ordne seg..."

It was a steep climb to get up to the cavernous space where the hot spring was hidden. Not many knew of it, which meant it was the perfect place to be alone with your thoughts. As you made the climb, something strange occurred, a powerful surge rippled below your feet, shaking the trees and the dirt around you. In the distance, a bright blue light flashed. It came from the same direction as your home. When you looked back to get a better view, you were relieved to see nothing amiss. Still, something felt odd.

It must have been my imagination, you thought when everything had returned to normal. You kept on your way.

Once inside the dimly illuminated cave, you stripped off your clothes and poured a handful of herbs and essences into the bath waters to fill the air with the sweet yet earthy smell that you loved. You then slid your aching body into the waters, letting the heat untangle all the knots and tightness from your muscles. With heavy lidded eyes, your fingers tracing the lines of your brand absentmindedly.

The silence in the cave was almost euphoric. The feeling of letting all worries and burdens go turning you lighter than air -retirement from the uneasy feeling that had been slowly building inside you all day. Before long you had lost yourself in that feeling and you fell asleep within the waters. You would not awaken until your skin pruned and the aurora touched the evening sky. Realising just how much time had passed, you grew nervous and began to hastily gather your things.

"Mor vil bli misfornøyd," you whispered to yourself knowingly.

Mother won't be happy.

Just before you reached the exit of the cave, something green and bright caught your attention. You followed after it, unable to ignore the urge to know what it was. When you got close enough to see, you realised it was a snake. Small and unthreatening.

It had curled itself into a knot, unable set itself loose. Its scales were the most brilliant shade of green you had ever seen. Darker than the pine forests to the south of your village, yet somehow, also brighter than the summer grass that grew on the lower fjelds.

Without much thought for your own wellbeing, you picked up the snake and helped it uncoil itself. It's slippery form twisting itself playfully around your open palms. You let out a soft laugh as you watched the colours from the night sky dance and bound off its shiny scales as though it were made of crystals.

"Du er så vakker, lille grønn," you told the snake, knowing full well it did not understand the common tongue.

You are so beautiful, little green.

The snake uncharacteristically lifted its head and stared straight into your eyes. Its eyes seemed to mesmerise you because you had lost all sense of time. Sound had been blocked out of your ears and all light had been leeched away from your vision, leaving only the bluish-green colour of the snake’s eyes in your vision.

It wasn't until you heard a thunderous noise echo through the cavern that you broke free from the trance. Fear and panic once again took root in your stomach as you scurried to race after the sounds of screams and battle cries and shields breaking.

The snake tightened its grip on your hands. It was terribly strong for such a small, inconsequential creature. You mustered all your strength and pooled it around your bound hands. The snake's scales cracked and strained against the tension.

The sounds of the battle in the distance grew lower and lower with each passing moment. Your mind kept going back to that look on your mother's face and the last words she spoke before you left.

Ja, kjære, alt kommer til å ordne seg.

You fought against the snake's grip even harder. Twisting and turning your wrists and arms and elbows, trying to find an opening. It felt futile.

Another thunderous crash echoed through the cavern and this time the screams that followed were louder.

Who did those screams belong to? Was it the pretty faced Baldrick who made your cheeks flush earlier? Perhaps it was the stout and burly, Bjørn wielding his trusty axe as he rushed forward with a resounding battle cry.

Your heart was racing, your palms sweating and your chest constricting.

What was happening in your village? Were you under attack? Was your mother safe?

All you knew was that you needed to stop speculating and find a way to loosen the snake’s hold of you. Almost as though your unspoken desires had been heard y the gods, the snake's grip seemed to be falter. Using anger and fear to fuel your strength, your muscles broke free from its coiled form. However your freedom came at a price. The snake had opened its jaws, extended its fangs and sunk them into your flesh. Warm venom oozing into your veins like honey.

If the venom was poisonous you couldn't tell. Not just as yet. You threw the snake back where you had picked it from and raced back out of the cavern. You ran down the slope as you saw grey smoke crawl over the treeline. You raced passed the trees, seeing a myriad of broken shields and bloodied snow. Ash grew thicker and hotter the closer you got to the village. An ember flew into your eye and scorched it. Ignoring the pain, you kept racing passed the longhouse where you saw the entire village afire.

For as far as the eye could see lifeless bodies covered the white snowy ground, blood and soot turning it a sludgy consistency. They appeared to be struck down by frostbitten wounds. Your mind went numb, unable to process the carnage and death spread out across your feet. Sagging and limp, your body began to grow heavy. It was unclear whether it wwas from the venom or seeing this horror unfolding around you. 

Shrouded by the wall of flames, you saw giant men wielding jagged swords that looked nothing like steel. Their weapons buried themselves within the helpless villagers you had once wished to have known better. You clenched your fists, fighting the urge to turn to stone in the very spot.

You had to keep going.

As you forced your legs to work, you instinctively began to search the faces of the scattered bodies in the snow; searching for all the faces you had grown to know the names of. You held your breath in anticipation of the sorrow that would follow once you saw their faces. Would it hurt more than what you felt now? Could it? After all, even if you never broke bread with any one of them, or traded jokes after a day’s work, they were still your people and you were one of them. You always had been. And now… Now they were all dead. When everything seemed to be at its bleakest, a spark of hope lit up inside you. Maybe, just maybe, not all of them were dead.

You raced to the edge of the cliff face where your hut was. Your legs beginning to waver and shake helplessly. When you got over the hill between the village and your hut, your blood went cold as you helplessly watched your house burn to the ground. A scream rippled out from your lungs, piecing the eerie quiet that now hung over your village.

Utterly defeated, you fell to your knees. The venom began to take effect, making its way into your heart. Your arm clenched around your left breast as the world began to spin around you. Your vision blurred over and your body felt like a sack of potatoes falling onto the soft snow.

Ja, kjære, alt kommer til å ordne seg...

As you began to lose consciousness, a giant with blue skin walked towards you. He looked upon your chest and when he realised you still drew breath, he raised his sword and buried it into your right lung. When he removed it from its temporary home, a pool of blood spurt from your body as you felt your lung fill with your own blood, drowning you from the inside-out.

The pain was beyond excruciating, but somehow it was nothing compared to the feeling of loss that clung to your entire body.

Your head rolled lifelessly to the side. Unable to close your eyelids, you were forced to watch in eternal silence as the flames continued to devour your home. Your lungs were on the verge of collapsing when, suddenly, a beautiful collage of striking colours rained down around you. It was like being under a melting rainbow. And despite the fact the tips of your fingers were bluer than they had ever been, you felt warm.

Memories came to life around you. The image of you and your mother drinking ale beside the fire. The young girl, Sigrid, waving at you with a tender smile. The hunters laughing as they carried their boar to the village. You as a child with blood running down your face from where another child has thrown a rock at you. The green snake coiling around you.

And then… everything went black.

~HEIMDALL

Heimdall, the ever watchful eye, stood on his observation platform. His sword placed firmly within the bridges helm. As he watched over all nine realms he sensed strange activity on Midgard. He focused his sight, conjuring the dark magic’s to help him better see what was unfolding. When he saw the familiar wisp of Jotun magic leave its tell-tale tear within the seams of the universe, Heimdall's grip tightened around the hilt of his sword, his breathing turned purposeful.

The Frost Giants had travelled to Midgard, but Heimdall could not see where to. His sight was obscured by something, by another source of magic. Asgardian magic.

It was disconcerting, the fact he had never sensed this magical signature until now. It felt primaeval, ancient. Where ever it came from, it had managed to stay hidden for an unknowable amount of time.

Why is it making itself known now? He wracked his mind for answers it could not possibly have.

A garrison of royal guards came riding down the bifrost accompanying the Allfather and his youngest son, Loki.

"My King," Heimdall bowed as he still gripped the hilt of his sword.

"Heimdall, open the bifrost, the Jotun’s have attacked a village on Midgard," Odin ordered. Beside him, Loki rubbed his wrists, faint markings hidden beneath his long sleeves.

For all of Loki's cunning, Heimdall could tell that he was bothered by something. His eyes looked out into nothing, his presence whole fully distant from everything around him.

"But my King, I have seen no such attack," Heimdall said.

"But you felt it, yes?" Loki asked, his inquisitive eyes possessing knowledge he should not have, "The shift in the realms when they used their magic to travel to Midgard?"

Heimdall eyed the dark prince with a weary expression. "Yes…" was all he said before he sheathed his sword completely into the hilt at the eye of the bifrost and turned it clockwise.

The bridge between realms ripped the seams of the universe open and trailed a path of magnificent colours down to Midgard.

Odin and his guard stepped through, but he had not permitted the young prince to follow. Heimdall watched quietly as the young prince paced from one corner of the room to the next. His eyes squinted in deep thought while his eyebrows furrowed in silent anger. Every now and again, Loki would rub absentmindedly at his bruised wrists. Soon the All-Father returned and the bridge reopened.

Odin's head hung low, his eyes weary. The smell of smoke clung to his cloak. He looked to his son with what seemed to be regret and then he looked upon Heimdall's face. His face spoke volumes without uttering a single word. With a heavy hand placed on Heimdall's shoulder, he finally said: "Close the bifrost."

When the last of the Kings Guard crossed through, he did as his king commanded. Heimdall noticed one of the guards carried a young human woman in his arms, wrapped in the Allfather's cloak, barely alive. Her light was fading and her life would soon be forfeit. Heimdall felt his magic warded off by her own.

She was the one who had obscured his vision. Something about her felt familiar.

"Get her to the healers," Odin ordered his guards. They complied with no delays. In his peripheral, Heimdall noticed Loki let out a breath of relief as a small smile fought to make itself known. He hid it beneath a clenched jaw.

Heimdall had an uneasy feeling about this.

As soon as the girl was removed from his vicinity, the shroud that obscured part of Heimdall’s sight disappeared for good and it was like his eyes had been reopened.

Then he saw it.

The destruction previously unknown to him. All the carnage, the death… It was sickening. The soldier in him felt it was his fault, like he had failed in his duties to protect all those people.

"No," was all he had the strength to say as sorrow filled his eyes and he sunk to one knee, staying anchored only by the grip he had on his sword.

~ODIN

"Will she live?" Odin demanded to know from the healers.

They were looking over the young woman’s body, a curtain of gold hovering around her as they tried to heal the wound caused by a Frost Giant's blade.

"It is too early to tell. It is unheard of for a human to survive such injuries, but we found traces of a paralytic in her body. It appears the venom slowed her heart rate and kept her alive long enough for you to bring her here for healing," the head healer informed the All-Father as she bowed respectively and took her leave to join the other healers.

Frigga joined his side, a look of wonder on her face. "There was much commotion in the palace today. Everyone is whispering about the human their king brought with him from Midgard." Her lips parted in question as she brushed her hands over her husband’s arm.

"That girl, I sense something powerful about her. She may yet survive this," Frigga said softly before turning her head to look upon Odin's face. "And you, my husband, what troubles you so?"

Odin slowly blinked his one eye, a weak smile on his lips, "Nothing you need worry about." He said before placing a kiss to her knuckles.

"Your proud brow says otherwise," she pressed, running a finger along the lines of his forehead. "Tell me."

Odin sighed, "The Jotun’s… they attacked Midgard. Loki, he- they almost discovered the location of the tesseract."

"The girl, “Frigga took a deep breath, "That's why Heimdall couldn't see the attack. She's one of them isn't she?"

Odin glanced at the unconscious woman hovering in the air, "She is the last."

One of the healers made her way towards the Allfather, her expression grave, "Allfather, Queenmother… There is something you should know. The girl, she's- she's not entirely human." 

 <<Chapter Two>>

Permatags: @electroma89  @gruffle1 @thechickvic @notawarriorjustyet   @lokis-butter-knife  If this isn’t your cuppa tea, lemme know and I’ll untag!

[bugaboowritings]

Lying to Friends - (Stressed Marinette Fic)

Marinette is Ticking Time Bomb

With light ice angst 

I’m WRITING IT!! Here is Part One of the idea where “Ladybug” (the episode) was about a huge Godzilla-like Ladybug eating Paris (Ladyzilla AU or Ladybug Monster AU?). Or just a fic about Marinette lying to Alya, if you only read this part. 

Enjoy. 

 She tapped her pen twice as fast with each passing second. Drumming it against the polished desk cluttered with her chipped-edge textbooks and countless colored pens. Unconsciously moving the one in her petite fingers like a seesaw with her thumb. Bringing relief to her as its beat stayed constant. Much like a metronome, it combed her thoughts into neat lines. In a sequence, she could manage with. Fixing it from the jumble of nonsense that usually caused her to blank out as she stared off into the nothing. 

 Even when handing her pen off to Alya, Marinette thumped her foot up and down. Keeping the rhythm going. Comforting herself. Alleviating the wrinkles on her forehead while the sides of her throat made her feel nauseous. Getting hit by a sudden fever or tasting the reason why tuna sandwiches shouldn't be left in a schoolbag. Excusing herself from her seat. Turning the chair under her with a little too much force. Preparing to get a scolding by the librarian for that later as Marinette cringed at the thump it made. Alya, on the other hand, didn't bat an eye, her arm mindlessly waving bye as her eyes narrowed on the chemistry problem. Biting her top lip before uncapping another highlighter. 

Marinette stepped out of the library with a big huff. She picked the wrong day to be skipping out in her studying with her chem test creeping closer and closer. However, the deadline didn't jump-start panic into her system as it once did. She and Tikki had trouble figuring out if that was a bad thing or a good thing. Yet, there was an undeniable hunch blazing in the back of her mind that wouldn't let her study even if she tried. 

A sixth sense throbbing. 

Ladybug intuition, if you will. 

Something very bad was going to happen. As if, as if the world was on the verge of seeing something horrible. 

Tikki instructed Marinette to be on the lookout. Reminding her to pick her allies wisely if the battle up ahead demanded more heroes. Marinette visited Master Fu over tea to speak on the matter. Even mentioning it to Chat Noir on a late-night patrol. Before brushing off the comment she made as a simple thought. Chastening herself as she chewed her lip. The last thing she wanting was to make her partner worry for no reason but this sense of doom made her develop a case of insomnia she couldn't cure. 

Marinette was scared. 

Of what? She was unsure about. 

Maybe everything is getting to her. Like she was crashing from a high. 

 No. 

No, Marinette was fine.

Other than the irrational panic, she's good. 

She had a schedule now so she won't be stressed too much about commission deadlines and due dates.  Slowly getting into the self-care routine thanks to Alya and Adrien. 

She's good. 

Though she knew that wasn't the whole truth. 

Lila picked at her nerves each and everyday. Making it seem like another battle lost when she gave Mari that dumb smirk and ARH! It was so infuriating! Watching her go around like the victim when she lit the match that led to the fire. Lila was worse than Chloe. Marinette even wanted to go far as comparing her to Hawkmoth. 

Marinette ground her teeth at that.

Hawkmoth has been a pain lately. 

Marinette punched a number in the school's vending machine. The same that had stickers on the sides and graffiti etched on the glass. Hoping a drink will clear her head. Searching her coin purse to get something for Alya too. Knowing too well that she couldn't drink it in the library. 

Shooting Alya a text to get down for a quick break. 

Marinette pulled back the can tab, the sizzle of the carbonated drink was music to her ears after swallowing the cafeteria's bitter "green" juice for lunch. Taking a sip as a pick-me-up from studying, waiting for the sugar to kick in her system. Leaning on to the cream-yellow bricks that made up the walls of the school. Noticing one of the bricks had someone's initials scratched on to it. 

"Girl, you don't even know how much I needed this." Alya popped open the can by Marinette's feet. Not asking if it was her's because of course, it was her's. Grinning when it saw it was her favorite flavor. Smiling a little wider when tasting how cold it was. Balancing out the sun while its rays warmed the air around them.  

"I thought we could use a bit of a breather." Marinette hummed. Tipping her head back as she took another sip. "It's not good being inside for too long."

"Yeah," Alya smirked, slurping her drink. "Sure that it wasn't because of the view."

Feeling the bubbles in her drink go up to her nose. Marinette coughed into her elbow. Almost dropping her can. 

"Ah- what?" 

Alya patted her back till Marinette quit coughing. Her brown locks swayed as her head nodded towards the locker rooms. There, as if on cue, the fencing team poured out. Laughing with their gym bags slung over their shoulders. 

Adrien smiled as one of his teammates patted his back. His sandy-golden curls were messy and all over the place. It was a charming look, really. Though he was probably sweaty from practice. The sunrays made his hair glitter as he laughed lightly at one of his teammates' jokes. Marinette could just stand there to watch. Maybe even try to grab his attention or call him out from the crowd. 

Then he looked at her. 

Marinette straightens up. Not caring that her pigtails were a little loose or the fact that her face screamed "fresh out from the grave" with the bags under her eyes. 

He gave her that soft smile he seems to offer only her. Or that's just what Marinette likes to think.  To imagine if somehow, someway, he thought she was special. 

Miraculous even. 

Marinette pumped out her own smile, not helping the red that appeared up to her ears. Waving goodbye a little too enthusiastically. Staring at him even when he turned around, making his way out the school's grand doors. Possibly out to where his bodyguard stood. Entering a slick black car that would take his home. Probably, reaching for his phone to text Nino about when they should hang out. Or probably just shut in a room to practice his piano. 

"No," Marinette confessed. Shaking her head swiftly. "No, you got it all wrong." 

"Mari," Alya cooed. Sporting a fox-like grin. Steaming up another scheme before Marinette stared her down. 

"Seriously. I have to much on my mind to try and chase boys." Marinette sipped. Noticing how her grip made a dent in the can. 

A hand fell on Marinette's shoulder, shaking her a bit before feeling Alya's hand skated into small circles. Knowing too well it was the same trick she did when her younger sisters were upset. 

"You wanna talk about it?" 

----

The two girls sat by the vending machine for a while. Marinette had dropped to the ground when Alya squatted next to her. Their nearly empty cans stood by them. Trembling when a breeze came in but the leftover juice in them kept them from flying away like another piece of trash in the wind. 

Marinette had a great view of the quad from where she sat. It was 4:15 and Ms. Bustier's breathing class was starting. Their meetings were once weekly only to switch it to daily sessions as Hawkmoth started acting up. Pulling out stronger akumas. Every time getting closer and closer on getting the miraculous. Every time he seemed to manage to set the city on fire before Marinette could call on her Ladybug Cure to extinguish it. 

People were fearing for their lives. 

Marinette felt the tension leaving the student's shoulders as Ms.Bustier told them to breathe.  

People were fearing for their lives. 

 Scared out of their minds to think that they could be one of Hawkmoth's "champions". A pawn in his game. Manipulated then tossed away when they failed.  

Marinette came to the conclusion that whoever hid behind the mask, behind the akumas, behind the destruction and terrorism that haunted France she would beat to a bloody pulp. 

It was already set in stone. 

Nothing could change her mind now. Not after days, weeks, months, years fighting against this villain, she has seen first-hand how it changed her community. 

Emotions were a weapon now. Feeling anxious or bothered or frustrated or disappointed or anything negative was seen as a weakness to the villain. A target on your back as you felt anything other than happiness. It drained people after a while. To think that people were afraid to express themselves in fear that a little black butterfly would come down and evilize them. The same healthy emotions that were the basis for any person was now a feared weapon.

Teens, the main targets for akumas, now had this fear on their back as anxiety, depression, and anxiousness ate them up. 

Nadja reported that Akuma-Safe Protocols were now implemented in every school or public area.

Alya posted safety guides to Akumas on her blog.  

The Mayor released messages to the press about how they had to work together with their heroes. To stop this dumpster fire that seems to grow each and everyday. 

And the person stopping from Paris burning down was Marinette Dupain-Cheng in a bug costume with a flirty cat by her side. 

Marinette gave a heavy sigh as Alya brushed her bangs back. Petting her like how a mother would comb her child's hair with their fingers. Waiting for Mari to say what was on her chest. 

 God, Marinette just wanted to tell her. To rant. To vent. To cry. All to stop the headaches she was getting or to release the pressure in her. To explain to Alya who she really is. The same hero Alya follows around was the girl that sat next to her in every class. How every time she lied was to go save Paris, not to ditch her. How the secret society that Alya figured out was the same one Marinette went to every Wednesday for tea. Really, she wanted to spill. To stop lying to her best friend in the whole wide world. To tell the truth. To break down this wall between them.

 But Marinette just bit her tongue.  

Alya could never know about this. 

"I'm just worried about this semester, you know." Marinette sighed. It wasn't what was bothering her, but it was something her parents brought up during dinner. Not to scare her, but because they were too interested in what she plans to do. 

"It's our last year here before we move on to bigger things." She groaned, getting up from the floor. 

"My dream of having my own fashion house and your's about being a reputable reporter.

"I'm scared that we're gonna grow apart." Marinette huffed. Tossing her can in the green bin. 

"Hey," Alya's eyes soften with her tone. "We're going to conquer the world together, remember. We, kind of, still need to be best friends for that to work out." She beamed. 

Her smile mirroring on to Mari's face. 

"I guess, you're right about that."

"I know I am!" Alya exclaimed. Throwing her arm around Marinette's shoulder.

 "Now that we are on the topic of working together, there is this one problem I can't seem to solve on the study guide-" 

"ALYA!"

"What! I need help with it!"

------

TBC -see you next week 

[neptunium134]

So I'm gonna start this new set of posts called "Neptunium's Midnight Ramblings" and it's literally just gonna be me typing random ideas and thoughts on my phone at midnight while listening to Westlife.

So, the subject of this Midnight Rambling is...

My romantic orientation.

I know what you're thinking- "But Neptunium, you said you weren't gonna worry about that anymore, and we just gonna let whatever happens happen after lockdown, why are you bringing it back up?"

Well, cause I was watching the 2006 Westlife tour and they did a song called "Addicted to Love" and I was just sat there like "ha, no I'm not"

Which again brought me back to my thought of "am I demiromantic?"

There's a few things I can certainly clean up; I'm not attracted to girls in any sense. Cis girls, MTF trans. If you identify as female, stand under the "non-attraction" sign. If you're non-binary or genderfluid, please stand under the "I don’t know" sign.

I don't know any NB/GF people, so I can't say at the moment, and I only know one FTM trans person, but I'm not attracted to them. FTM trans as whole though, I'm not sure.

Identify as male? Please stand under the "maybe has a chance" sign and I'll be with you shortly to determine what kind of person you are.

Jokes aside, I've only had one boyfriend (I was 11) and one crush (I was 16). I'm gonna ignore the boyfriend thing for now since it didn’t go anywhere and the only people who knew were me and him anyway.

So the one crush I've had, a boy we know here on my blog as Gold. I knew him for five years and he sat next to me in Yr10 English and Yr11 Maths/Physics, so I knew him pretty well.

How does this fit into my idea of me being demiromantic? I don't know.

I knew him for five years, and now he goes to a different Sixth Form and doesn't go to the same school as me, I'm no longer attracted to him.

Blue asked me sometime in November I think, "do you still like Gold?" and I said "I don’t talk to him or see him anymore, so I don't feel anything towards him anymore, if that makes sense?"

And he is the only person I've had a crush on (save for a few celebrities, but I put those in a different box, we're talking about reality here, I'm not exactly gonna marry Stoffel Vandoorne, as much as I'd love to), so I am leaning towards me being demiromantic as well as demisexual.

At the moment I identify as a hetroromantic demisexual, but I may start identifying as a demiromantic demisexual (or a double-demigoddess)

I'm not too sure at the moment, it's something I wanna sort out but it's something I have a feeling will take years since I don't open up to people that easily.

So yeah, first edition of Neptunium's Midnight Ramblings and we haven't reached a conclusion.

I have a feeling this might be the only sane MR I'll do.

Get ready for a sleep-deprived, stressed Neptunium next time.

[blogs-of-our-lives]

           I’m sorry to say this, but this may very well be the last of the Blogs of Our Lives post.

           :(

           I’ve had a lot of fun writing for this, but it’s just not what I want to do with my life. And as much as I enjoy it, it’s taking time away from other creative projects. For my tens of viewers, it’s not the end of a chapter, but the beginning of a new one. Thank you all for reading, and believing that I can make something wonderful and funny out of trash. I just want you all to know that deep down, from the bottom of my heart, no matter how much love I have for you all, I will never ever ever love you as much as I hate Brightburn.

             Brightburn suuuuuuuucks. It sucks sucks sucks. I couldn’t wait until later in the post to say that. I had to lead with how trash the movie was, and now I’m going to spend the next couple pages explaining why it’s trash. It’s so bad that I – shitty movie connoisseur, who is making himself watch Days of our Lives and write about it – hated the movie so much that I decided to write a whole paper about it just to prevent someone else from being tricked into seeing it.

           I will start with the only good thing about the movie. The concept. Brightburn is about a young kid (I’d estimate about sixth grade) who discovers he has super powers akin to that of a god. He has super strength, he has super speed, he can fly, he can shoot lasers out of his eyes, and he’s almost indestructible. Essentially Superman. It’s not a particularly original idea, but I was intrigued with the fact that the kid seemed to almost immediately become evil. This isn’t particularly farfetched. In fact, psychopathic traits are fairly common amongst children. The brain isn’t done developing, and in some senses the child is a psychopath. Kids simply grow out of it. Luckily, kids are small, they’re weak, they can’t drive, they can’t vote, and they can’t even get a movie ticket to an R rated movie like Brightburn, which I refuse to grant the respect of italicization. The amount of damage a kid could do is extremely limited. So the idea of a middle-schooler with superpowers is kind of terrifying. Imagine a child without empathy who you can kick your ass. If you tell them to go to bed, they can throw you through a wall. And it’s not a one in a million chance the kid will be a psychopath. Plus, when I was a kid I used to think when it rained somewhere it rained everywhere. It blew my mind that it was raining in my hometown but not in my friend’s town. When my dad was a kid he was terrified of this movie called Killdozer. About a bulldozer that came to life and killed people. In his words, “What are you going to do, hide from it? It’ll just bulldoze everything.” Kids are idiots.

           Side note, I hope it’s not lost on anyone that I italicized Killdozer but not Brightburn. It’s intentional. I respect a movie about a killer bulldozer more than a $12 million movie.

           Anyway, that was the only good part of the movie. The concept. Now I’m going to tear it apart, starting with the pacing. Nobody really knows or cares about the pacing when it’s done right. When it’s done wrong, the movies often feel like they stagnate or are rushed in parts. Brightburn is one of the worst examples I can think of. The buildup just drags on and on and on and on. By the time [SPOILER ALERT] Brendon (or whatever the fucking kid’s name is) turns evil, we had been sitting in that theater for a solid hour. Maybe more. That’s two thirds of the movie (including credits) that was spent just building up. So now, when we finally get the action payoff, it felt like the movie was rushing to the end. The kid destroys most of the house, kills four people, and then blows up a plane in like twenty minutes. It’s like trying to write on a piece of paper and running out of room so you have to make the letters smaller and smaller to fit on one page. But it’s a thousand times worse than that, because the paper had a set length. You could plan out where the letters needed to go and how big they can be. A movie isn’t made with a length in mind. So it’s like reading a sentence but the letters get smaller and smaller for no clear reason. It felt like they didn’t know how to end the movie so they just threw some crap together and tried to play it so fast we wouldn’t realize how trash it was.

           On to the acting. I have no real complaints. The mom and the dad did pretty good jobs. Even the kid did a decent job. At times it was pretty weak, but I think most of that was on the writing.

           Fuck the writing. The Chekov’s guns of the movie were stupid and obvious. In one of the first scenes, the mother whistles during a game of hide and seek in order to get him to whistle back, like an off-brand Marco Polo. My editor literally leaned over to me (like two minutes into the movie) and whispered “I bet that’s going to come back later.” It did. Later on in the movie, the dad comments to the mom that it was strange Braxton had never broken a bone or even got a cut. Like two scenes later, the kid finds his space ship and immediately cuts his hand on the metal. Sure enough, it comes back later in the film, in a way so stupid that I’m going to struggle to put it into words. The mother jumps to freedom from her house and somehow cuts her hand during the fall. She looks at the cut (which is shaped exactly like Bryson’s and positioned in the exact same place), looks at the barn where the spaceship is hidden, looks back at the cut, and says (I’m paraphrasing) “The spaceship! It’s the only thing that can hurt him.” The biggest sign of a bad writer is when the characters think about what they’re about to do, say what they’re about to do, and then do it. JUST DO IT. I remembered the garbage scene from earlier in the film that established the only thing that can hurt him. Who was that line for? Children who weren’t paying attention? The film was rated R. Maybe they assumed the only people they could trick into seeing this trash were too stupid to follow a plot. And yes, I’m one of the idiots they tricked into watching it. Jokes on them, now I’m tearing their movie apart on my blog with tens of readers.

           I’ve told you guys about I, Frankenstein. The movie was worse than that. At least the writing in I, Frankenstein, while bad, followed a formula. There was never a point in which I rolled my eyes, it just in generally wasn’t particularly good. Brightburn, on the other hand, was aggressively bad. It was like all the different facets of a movie (acting, special effects, writing, pacing, visuals) had a competition to be the worst part of this dumpster fire of a film. I’m being too hard on the special effects. They were just wildly unmemorable, not actually bad. But somehow, incredibly, Brightburn was even worse than the sum of its parts. At a certain point, I looked up and started watching the blinking light of the fire alarm. There wasn’t really a pattern to it. I was fascinated. At another point, during the resolution of the movie, a man sitting behind me got out his phone and made a phone call. And you know what, I don’t blame him. It wasn’t like he was taking away from the experience. I was glad he was having more fun than me.

           Something I didn’t realize until now, when I looked up Brightburn on Wikipedia to trash how much money went into making it ($6-12 million, so honestly they used the money pretty well), was that it’s called a “superhero horror film.” I took a class my last year in college about Horror as a genre, and the running theme of the class was the question what is horror? I’ll define horror as best as I can, and you are all free to agree or disagree as to whether or not it’s true. I personally do not consider Silence of the Lambs to be a horror film, though it is scary. It’s a crime film. Even if the film contained supernatural elements (like, say, if Hannibal Lecter was a ghost and rather than breaking out of prison he comes back to life), it would still be a crime film. On the other hand, I consider the movie Friday the 13th (the 1980 film with Kevin Bacon, not the trash remake) to be horror. Even if the film contained no supernatural elements, it would still be a horror film. Friday the 13th Part 1 doesn’t actually contain anything supernatural, but if I mentioned one that does (Parts 2-12) I wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to remind everyone that a young Kevin Bacon not only dies in this movie, but also has a sex scene. It’s arguably his strongest performance.

           Returning to my point, a universal part of horror seems to be the haunting. It doesn’t need to be a ghost haunting, it could be a human haunting as well. I’m sure it exists, but a movie about a stalker could easily be classified as horror, depending on the tone of the movie. Hell, The Gift was a great horror movie, and nothing supernatural or even particularly out of the ordinary took place. Looking at IMDB’s top 10 horror movies of all time, it lists The Evil Dead, The Exorcist, The Shining, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Alien, The Thing, Nightmare on Elm Street (trash), Psycho, and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Of these movies, I haven’t seen Psycho, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, or The Exorcist (at least not all the way through). In every single one of the films I have seen, the characters are haunted by some kind of being. In some movies, they’re hunted by it, and in others (particularly the Exorcist), they’re tormented by it. But either way, a haunting is an essential part of every movie. In Silence of the Lambs (IMDB rated it as the 14th best horror movie, naturally), the killer never haunts the characters. He’s a menace, a killer, and a danger to everyone, but he doesn’t haunt them.

           Brando from Brightburn never haunts anyone, except for a ten second scene where he spies on his crush, which was honestly more cringey than creepy. So no, it’s not a superhero horror movie. It’s not a horror movie. If you want to call it anything, call it science fiction. The kid’s an alien, for Christ’s sake. Isn’t that like the number one test to see if you’re watching sci-fi? Right now, if you google “horror movies,” Brightburn is one of the first 10 images to appear. THIS IS UNNACEPTABLE.

           I’m sure I’ve talked about this before, but horror has always been a trash genre. I don’t want to give off the impression that I’m the horror equivalent of a comic book nerd writing about how The Avengers ruined my childhood and it was all wrong because they got one detail wrong from the source material. [Side note: I really enjoyed Endgame, and at the time of writing this, it is the number one highest grossing film of all time, and honestly it deserves it more than the trash blue cat people movie. It was a really satisfying ending to one of the largest franchises of all time]. Even the golden years of horror, the Friday the 13ths and the Nightmare on Elm Streets and Halloween, are all just… pretty good. The writing was competent, the music and cinematography were original and not bad, but it’s not particularly scary, and it looks like every horror movie will eventually become that way, except for the ones that rely on cheap jump scares. That’s the nature of horror, I suppose. It preys on a current and relevant fear, and as that fear becomes irrelevant, so does the movie. So when I complain about modern horror, I complain about the cheap, shitty writing that goes into by uncreative and unoriginal people that disappoints everyone. Modern horror is an easy paycheck. It’s cheap and it’s surefire. The Brightburn garbage raised $30 million dollars on a budget of $6 million. Pet Semetary, Crawl, and Annabelle Comes Home raised a collective $366 million to a collective budget of $66 million. That is a fucking absurd return on investment. None of these movies (except for Crawl, kinda) did anything different. Pet Semetary was a remake. Annabelle Comes Home is a continuation of the Garbage Cinematic Uni-garbage-verse that spawned from The Conjuring. So horror has become a yearly money-maker for big production companies. Just put out some trash that will surprise (not scare) people, and watch the dollars roll in. Financially, this is the golden age of horror. They can make anything with a jump scare and make MILLIONS.

           I don’t know what the point of all this is. I’m not telling the genre to do better, because it’s doing pretty fine. Midsommar and Us both got pretty good reviews. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark looks pretty good. It’s not like all the talent dried up. There’s still plenty of creative and original people working on horror movies, and they’re making some really good stuff. I guess it boils down to me hating Brightburn on a deep, personal level, and I’m not really sure why. I watch tons of trash. As I type this, I’m looking at my collector’s edition DVD set of Under the Dome. It’s garbage. Truly truly terrible. But there are scenes I liked. Shots I liked. It was made by people who were bad at what they do, but they were still creative. There’s this one episode where the government tries to blow up the dome, and everyone inside thinks they’re going to die. All the characters, thinking they have minutes left on earth, all finally do something. The plot unravels into something much, much, much simpler, as all the characters stop lying or trying to hide their motives. Everything untangles for just a moment, and after they survive the blast unharmed, it leaves the question what next? Sure, the conflicts were childish and silly, and the character arcs were (to put it nicely) poorly handled. But they tried to do something well, and for just a moment they struck gold. There’s nothing like that in Brightburn. There’s not a single scene that I can look at in the movie and say you’re on to something there. Keep working. If I were given the script and a blank check and told to write a better one, I would strip it down to the foundation. I wouldn’t rewrite it, I would delete everything except the core premise and start over.

           It just really really hurts, having to type out that this movie was worse than Under the Dome.

           I know it’s too late to convince anyone not to see Brightburn. And that’s fine. Sometimes the world moves too fast for you to make a change. But I just want you to know deep down how much I hate that movie. I resent it for wasting my time, my energy, and my money. It’s worse than Days of our Lives.

           Fuck you, Brightburn.

           Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.