#There's a lot that's made me real emotionally volatile lately but the stuff most out my control is the stuff I can complain abt so take it

[carnival-core]

Not to vent at nearly 4am but man like . This is an anti-pessimism site where dwelling too much on the bad is usually reflective of a moral issue on your end that you need to sort through but god it's . Really hard to be optimistic and look forward to things innit

Experiences on the web I used to find joy going on daily / that I look forward to are run by pieces of shit who backstab their userbase and/or embezzle money without fixing issues . If a meme brightens up your day you will always quickly find out they're another milkshake duck so you might as well hold your breath . The world around you gets worse and worse but you're too broke to do small help and the only thing you can do is a sisyphusian hellscape of voting and hoping that you can't get out of Everything is crashing and burning and when you're already radicalized there's kinda nowhere to go But despair . I want it to stop !! I want something good to happen and for it to be wholly good and for it to not change ever and I need it now . Fuck ! I'm tired ! I'm so tired . I just want it to be easier . I kinda wish it didn't cost money to do hard drugs (for legal reasons this is a joke)

[crab-in-a-pocket]

reserved farmer headcanons + meeting the bachelors for the first time!

wanted to make some generally reserved farmer headcanons to kick off this blog and bc i see a lot of very friendly farmers out there and i... am not one of them LMAO

additionally, there's reference to a supposed volatile relationship with a (former?) loved one (projection time!)

also i forgot to open my askbox bc idk how to tumblr ?? i think it's open now (i hope).

tw: drinking and alcoholism, references to past trauma, one Bad Word (sh^t!)

when you first meet everyone, it's a quiet greeting and maybe a witty remark, but you don't stay for any chit-chat

close-lipped smiles are your signature move, along with the Man Nod whenever you run into someone

you are, of course, a nice and courteous person but you don't feel the need to say hello to everyone every damn time you pass by them because, really, you're too busy rushing to Pierre's for some seeds or lugging around foraged beach stuff

okay, maybe some of them think you're a little cold and an introvert who has... problems

but you're not! you are a strong and emotionally stable farmer who gets Shit Done and prefers to observe over participate and think over talk!

mayor lewis is extremely puzzled and almost mistakes you for someone else-- it's been over a decade and people change too much, too soon. he makes a remark about a wishing well your grandfather had built long ago (remember the well? how you fell in it that one time?) and you nod along politely (i didn't fall, i climbed in because i desperately needed my wish to come true)

it's nice to meet people who aren't as temperemental as the tides. maybe, for once, you could have a proper relationship with someone.

alex

easily the most annoying and extroverted person in town what with his obsession with sports and loud, brash personality but you two get along fabulously because you had that same passion for gridball in college before you were too busy being a corporate slave

he's a little surprised that you sit next to him at the saloon but he goes along easily and the conversation flows between the two of you easily, ranging from future plans (thinking of going pro... think i'll make it?) to the weather without sounding like you're making fake smalltalk (i wanted to play pro, too, and here i am now. if you really want it, you'll have to leave this all behind)

there's something genuine about him that's intriguing and it leaves you wanting to find out and see what the real alex is like inside because you can see through that wall he's made

and there's something enigmatic about you, who is reserved and quiet and seems to be a simple open book, when in fact, you are a very attractive onion with many, many layers

sam

you think he's immature. a wildchild, a manchild, a wildmanchild, really. sam, on the other hand, is drawn in by your calmness and how in-control you appear to be-- when you offer to play a game of pool when sebastian doesn't show up, he's delighted at the opportunity to know you better

okay, so he is immature and a wildmanchild but there is a softness in him that surprises you every time he shows it-- which is frequently around you

he has a soft smile to counteract his proud one and he's so in awe of how you get so much stuff done every day (i don't know how you do it, that's gotta be tough), every week, and every month (you'd like the responsibility, i think. to me, it's one big project i need to finish)

he has instant crush on you because you're so cool even though your line of profession really doesn't evoke much awe. i mean, you're  attractive, you are so in control of your life, and you have a really cute smile whenever he compliments you-- how could he not?

shane

bit bold of you to sit next to him at the saloon because every knows he's can be a real asshole, but he glances at you with a hint of awe and more than a hint of annoyance. you elect to ignore this and choose to order a whisky on the rocks (if you don't drink, call it apple juice)

whisky: shane's a touch impressed because you look like a lightweight. well, it's nice that someone can hold their liquor. he makes a remark about it (planning on getting drunk, huh?) and you raise a brow at him, looking a little haughty and tell him that it's your drink for the week. he's annoyed at your remark and starts an argument that surprisingly, settles down into a civil conversation

apple juice: he snorts at that and makes a remark about meeting penny for your lessons the next day. you play along and sip at your drink, making witty remarks (thank yoba for hangovers. it's the non-drinker's edge, really. just like not having liver failure). he's not sure if he should be annoyed or impressed at your cool-as-a-cucumber personality, not sure if it's too big city or too closed-off

you offer to buy him a pizza if you can take a away his beer-- at any rate, he looks like he'll end up with liver failure the way he's going. shane aquiesces and devours the entire pizza. your conversation is slow and punctuated with his loud chewing but you're pleasantly suprised that he's quite smart and well-read about whatever you're interested in

the fourth time you sit next to him, he turns down your pizza and doesn't say a word. neither do you and it's almost like it's back to square one until you realize that he hasn't made a single salty remark about anything. you decide to try again the day after tomorrow-- nothing comes too quickly to people like you and shane.

sebastian

it was the necklace you wore that caught his eye. a shining teardrop stone hanging off a gleaming silver chain. he had spoken before he could stop himself and watched as you smiled and told him he was right-- it is supposed to be a Yeti's tear.

you're pleased to meet someone who is also a homebody and a touch more reserved than a lot of other people in town. he's easy to get along with (oh, you're kidding, you really have the signed edition?) and he's got pretty good taste when it comes to literature-- after all, who can refuse a good sci-fi book? (of course i do, i'm dedicated fan)

oddly enough, your conversation is quick and eager and not all reserved. instead of the companionable silence everyone assumes you two to have, you two nearly talk over each other because you finally have someone to complain to about everyone's over-friendliness and he finally has someone who understands what it's like to be trapped in a small world

you tease him about the corporate rat race and he fires back at you about being a part of it. you like sebastian and he likes you-- it's as simple as that.

elliot

he had heard of you through leah who had heard of you through emily who had heard of you through gus who had heard of you from lewis. it was a long grapevine and he's not sure how much of the truth was preserved and it's almost a relief to meet you because, to be frank, he's tired of being the town's newcomer.

first-- you're not peppy and overly cheerful at all. second, you are definitely not hot-tempered. and third, there's something so fascinating about you, something hidden under your calm, pragmatic character. he finds a kindred spirit in you, save for the flowery words and, admittedly, the vanity.

you're amused to meet a writer living on the beach. the cabin was built by one of your grandfather's old friends, a rather surly man who had taken a liking to you when you were much younger. while the hut is in no way fancy, you can't help but consider how pretentious and, contrastingly, humble the writer must be. pretentious in such a way that he thinks living in a sandy, damp shack is a way to beat writer's block (it's odd, it's rarely a choice people make) and humble in such a way that he accepts and bears with living in a worn house with little complaint (it's admirable, if not a little silly!)

you find yourself in his company late at night when you can't sleep and it's so easy to open up to him because he's kind, he listens, and most importantly, he's not embarassed to admit he's got faults, at least to you. you let him see past your collected facade and into your cracked heart far sooner than you think and elliot doesn't mind at all

harvey

you might be the most mysterious person in town simply because of the way you present yourself. he finds himself always stuttering a little whenever you're around because of the way you watch him, set in a relaxed stance, your gaze flat and cool. later, he realizes that it's your resting face. he wonders about what you'd look like if you smiled-- really smiled

he's touched at the fact that you buy him coffee whenever he had to patch you up-- which is frequently, given your liking for the mines. you're adorable when he gives you general anesthesia. he had run out of local anesthesia and you needed a fair amount of stitches and though you told him that you have a high pain tolerance (stitches are far more painful than you think. i really don't want to put you through that), he insisted and you let him (fine, fine. get on with it, doctor). you had let out several inappropriate jokes under anesthesia and your cheeks had hurt from laughing non-stop

harvey's entranced. there's no other way to put it-- he's bewitched by your bright character hiding under that collected facade. he never pries for your secrets because he's got secrets, too. you like harvey because he's sweet and compassionate and even though he has to put up a firm, professional affectation, he wears his heart on his sleeve.

you see him as a friend at first, all platonic and it seems to be the end of it. but one day, as you hand him a coffee, he laughs and smiles and hands you a coffee just the way you like it. you're falling for him so hard and fast you think someone's put a spell on you that makes you notice the minute expressions on his face and mull over the way he talks to you. you're in love with him-- you can only hope he feels the same way too

[letterboxd]

Rocketman.

“I’m a straight actor playing a gay icon. We had an obligation to honor that side of his story.”

Taron Egerton, star of the new musical biopic Rocketman, tells Letterboxd about having a takeaway curry with Sir Elton John and portraying the absolute pop icon on the big screen.

They say in showbiz, timing is everything. And Rocketman is very well-timed.

Bohemian Rhapsody proved emphatically that there is a huge cinematic appetite for rock-and-pop star biopics, which have long been the domain of the small screen. That film earned more than $900 million at the global box office and garnered an Academy Award for lead actor Rami Malek.

Working in Rocketman’s favor is the fact that Bo Rhap (as Rocketman star Taron Egerton refers to it) was a widely embraced, award-winning film that everybody agreed could’ve been a little better. And quite a lot gayer.

Rocketman steps up on both fronts, and it’s also directed by Dexter Fletcher, the man credited with salvaging Bohemian Rhapsody after he stepped in to finish the film when original director Bryan Singer was fired during production (Singer retained sole director credit per DGA rules).

Also working for Rocketman: the songs of Elton John and lyricist Bernie Taupin (played in the film by Jamie Bell), which are incorporated into the narrative with welcome creative flair. Egerton—as the film’s marketing campaign has made very clear—does all his own singing in the film, and he’s pretty darn decent.

Letterboxd recently sat down with Egerton at an exclusive press event in West Hollywood where he talked about his experience making Rocketman, and what it was like getting to know the man who inspired it.

Egerton began by talking about the film’s fantastical approach and how it uses John’s rehab journey as a framing device: Taron Egerton: The mandate for the production was always that it wouldn't be an out-and-out biopic, that it would lean into these elements of fantasy. The movie begins with Elton entering rehab and those scenes are what I’m most excited for people to see, because to see someone who’s so universally known in such an intimate, vulnerable situation, I think is quite unusual. And it says something about Elton and how candid and resilient he is. Elton recounts his life through rehab, we learn his story from being a young child and going to the Royal Academy of Music. And it essentially goes right the way up to the point where he goes to rehab.

On how he felt going into the role: It was terrifying. Because it’s a musical and because it’s a fantasy, it was always a prerequisite that the actors sing. So there’s a tricky thing, particularly following in the wake of something like Bo Rhap, it’s so unmistakably Freddie, the sound of it. So for me it was about singing the songs as well as I possibly could. But we were lucky in the sense that Elton and [husband] David [Furnish] are very close to the project. It started with them, and Elton has been fantastic in letting me be a part of his life for the past couple of years. And befriending me, frankly. Which has made the whole thing feel very personal and very real.

On how he went about embodying Elton John: Weirdly, I found the stuff where I played him older, easier, and I think that’s because all the time I’ve spent with Elton has been older Elton. I haven’t spent any time with 21-year-old Elton. There is footage, but it’s interesting, because people portray such a version of themselves on camera. I don’t know. For me, it all kind of came from the first time I sat down with him and we had curry together. I went over and I had a takeaway curry at his house. And we just talked for about two and a half hours. It’s such a hard thing to describe. When you are given the honor of playing one of the most adored and famous people in the world, there’s such a weight of responsibility that comes with it. And then when you meet them and connect with them generally, I don’t know, it just feels like one of the most important things I’ve ever done. I can’t really describe the feeling of having gone through the whole thing.

There’s an element of getting to look as much like him as you can, which is very helpful. There’s four rough stages of Elton. The first one being his kind of teenage bowl-cut, chunky Buddy Holly glasses. Then into the longer hair, early 20s stuff where we’re in LA. And then the hair starts to go. For the third look I shaved my hair line up higher than it already is by a couple of inches. And for the fourth and final look, I have a bald cap. There’s something about changing yourself completely and the way you look that really conditions how you feel.

One thing about Elton is that at some point in his mid-late 20s, things started to get a little bit out of control and unraveled a little bit for him I think, and there’s something to do with putting a slight gap in my teeth and changing my hair, it just didn’t make me feel very much like me. And so I created this hybrid of me and him.

That’s another thing as well, through getting to know him, I feel like there are some parallels between me and him. I mean, I’m not a genius, but in the sense that some of the neuroses and insecurities, I just recognize some things. So there’s a lot of me in there and my emotional volatility and I’m someone who has very extreme and acute reactions to things. I’m potentially a little emotionally volatile at times. And that is, I think, certainly who Elton was. So it’s just about dialing up those things in yourself, and dialing other things down.

On the film celebrating Elton John’s sexuality: I’m a straight actor playing a gay icon, so I again felt very, very keenly that if I was going to do this and do this properly that we had an obligation to honor that side of his story. So early on the film there is a love scene, it’s between myself and Richard [Madden, who plays John’s manager and lover John Reid]. It’s the first love scene I’ve ever done and it’s two young guys falling in love in a time where it possibly wasn’t that socially acceptable and I think it is a scene I’m really, really proud of.

There is a community that feels a certain sense of ownership over icons that are a member of that community, so we have that responsibility to honor that part of their story. And it’s been fantastic, especially working with Paramount on this, who have always felt very strongly that this was a part of the story that we needed to push and honor and see reflected in our film. And I’m really pleased with it, I think it’s lovely actually.

On the film not shying away from Elton John’s substance abuse: This is not a movie that glamorizes drug use. Elton’s relationship with certain substances was extremely corrosive and bad for his health and nearly cost him everything. And that was an important part of the story for me. The balance is also in making it something that is joyous, celebratory and fun to watch. And that has been the knife edge that we’ve had to walk along. And I hope people will feel we’ve done a good job of that.

On leaning into the truth of Elton John’s volatile personality: A documentary was made by David about Elton 25 years ago called Tantrums and Tiaras. It is no secret that Elton has his ups and downs. We were true to that—it’s who he is. And frankly I think it’s why we love him. So I felt very much when we were on set that I wanted to push it. Because the one person I knew wouldn’t mind me doing that, was Elton. Because he’s not precious. He knows where his strengths and weaknesses lie, and he’s very at peace with who he is.

He’s been through a hell of a lot and he’s been through recovery and he is settled and solid and knows who he is and he’s quite candid about it. So for me I always wanted there to be that duality between this sweet, incredibly caring, generous person, who just has this intense artistic sensibility and volatility, and I believe that is hand in hand with his creative genius.

On how younger audiences less familiar with Elton John might respond to the film: Elton’s music is still so played on the radio but I hope that there’s a world in which we bring music to some young ears that haven’t heard it before. Well, young-ish ears; it’s not the most child-friendly film. But young ears nonetheless. I think there’s a universality to Elton’s music. I don’t think the success of Elton’s music is entirely conditional on the context in terms of time. It was brilliant music in 1971, and it’s brilliant music now. Everyone loves Elton John, but for relatively young people like me to go back and then listen to all the stuff that made his name in the early 70s, things like Amoreena, Take Me To the Pilot, Hercules, Border Song… and you just go, fucking hell, it’s just, it’s mind-blowing, the output. In an ideal world—you can’t plan for it—I would hope that people rediscover Elton through the film.

On what playing the role has meant to Egerton: As with most people, I can pinpoint times in my life as early as five where I was aware of Elton John. I remember that video of him doing The Circle of Life when I fell in love with The Lion King when I was five or six. I remember being twelve and the Greatest Hits coming out, and me and my stepdad, who my mum had just met, who became a huge part of my life, him and I sitting listening to that Greatest Hits album, singing I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues together as he drove me to school.

Then when I was 17 and I auditioned for drama school and sang Your Song. I didn’t get in. Then I sang it again the following year and I did [get in]! I knew it was a winner. And so he’s always been there, Elton John as this kind of, idea. And then in 2016, when I’m still barely able to process the fact that I’ve been in a hit movie, for someone to say “Do you want to play Elton John?” And to go “Well how does Elton feel about it?” and hear “He really loves the idea”. It’s just fucking mental innit?

It’s just insane. Creating the film, without wishing to get too earnest, has felt like a hugely important thing for me. And a hugely important thing for posterity in some sense, because hopefully in the future it will be so many people’s introduction to Elton John. I feel like I’ve poured more of myself into it than I have anything else and so for me I feel very satisfied by the whole experience.

It’s been hard work. And essentially has been my life for the past year, 18 months, with creating all the songs and recording them and re-recording them and changing things and going back after we filmed. But I wouldn’t have changed a second of it. And I would do it all again. There’s not many things I would say that about.

And then, just getting to know him and to genuinely feel a connection with the great man. I sang with him recently, I still can’t believe that that happened. I genuinely get a bit emotional thinking about it.

Sir Elton John has appeared in more than 60 films as various versions of himself, and composed for several soundtracks, including a handful of beloved songs for Disney’s ‘The Lion King’ (Jon Favreau’s new photorealistic version comes out this July). Welsh actor-singer Taron Egerton is, until now, best-known for his leading role in the ‘Kingsman’ film franchise. ‘Rocketman’ is in theaters now. Comments have been edited for clarity and length.

[imekari-raas-blog]

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