#The whole thing ia good but that beginning is so up there

[badasgirlfriend]

hi I love your jesse Swanson x reader stories. Loved them!! If you're still doing requests, could I request a jesse Swanson x reader where the reader is also a singer and is in the bellas and do the part in pitch perfect 1 where they do the riff off and Jesse sings feels like the first time and do the reader rapping instead of beca?

Pretty Boy | Jesse Swanson

pairing: jesse swanson x fem!reader

fandom: pitch perfect

a/n: hii thank u for the req and sorry for taking so long i was ia for a bit, i only changed the ending bc i dont like the song because beca raps (dont attack me) hope u like it<3

"Come on, sing along," Chloe chirped, gesturing for Y/N to join the Bellas as they prepared. Y/N just shook her head, feeling anxious, riff of, what they called it wasn't her thing. But Chloe didn't seem to notice.

"Nah, I'm good," Y/N said, attempting to be polite. Chloe just nodded in response and flashed a smile of support as she joined her friends

Y/N noticed Jesse gazing at her, and she stared right back with a curious expression. Jesse cracked a mischievous smile, then madr a thumbs-down gesture and mouthed, "You're going down."

Y/N giggled as she let loose a playful blow kiss right at him. only for him to catch the kiss midair and press it against his heart

Y/N was relieved that it was night and that Jesse was too far away from her to notice her blushing. But this exchange had not gone unnoticed by Aubrey, who had been watching their whole interaction from the beginning.

"Go, Stacy!" She cheered for her closest friend as she stole the spotlight from Donald. Everyone's eyes were on her

"Baby, all through the night I'll make love to you," Fat Amy chimed in, but Jesse stepped in front of her, stopping her mid-song.

"And I guess it's just the woman in you," he sang, making the Belles groan. The rest of the group made their way to their designated spots, grumbling in protest.

"That brings out the man in me" he pointed at Y-Y/N smiling

"Idiot" she muttered trying to hide her grin

"It feels like the first time" he continued singing, opening his jacket to show his chest. He placed his hand on his heart just like before and winked at her

"Feels like the very first time"

Y/N didn't understand where her newfound confidence was coming from, but she suspected the drinks she had earlier might be playing a part. Yet, she was also convinced Jesse was behind her feelings. Without giving it any thought, she charged towards Jesse, eager to take advantage of the moment.

"it feels like the first time-"

"It's like everytime they turn the lights down," Y/N cut him off with a sly smirk and Jesse's eyes widened in amusement. He backed away and gave Y/N the spotlight with a round of applause. "just wanna go that extra mile for you"

She looked at the crowd and everyone was staring at her confused, even the Bellas.

'extra mile..?" Aubrey muttered trying to remember the song

Y/N was now regretting her decision as everyones eyes were on her, even the Bellas weren't backing her up

'Seriously does no one know this song' she thought to herself

Jesse's encouraging smile gave her the confidence she needed to dive back into the song "Go on,"

"We can get down," Y/N sang, now more in tune "Like there's no one around"

Amy and Stacey both gasped as they began to understand what Y/N was singing. Stacey had already joined in the song, her voice perfectly harmonizing with Y/N's. The two Belles' vocals blended together seamlessly, now with Amy joining them

"We keep on rockin' we keep on rockin"

"Cameras are flashin'" Amy made camera noises towards Emma and Stacey as they grinded on each other "while we're dirty dacing"

Jesse let out a sharp "woah" as Emma danced. One of the Treblemakers patted Jesse's shoulder in encouragement. Jesse didn't care about the outcome of the competition; if losing meant he got to see Y/N like this, he would willingly come up as the losing team every time.

In his eyes, Y/N was breathtakingly beautiful. Every laugh was like a melodic refrain that made his heart race a bit faster. His eyes were glued to her every movement, especially the graceful twirls that she would execute.

"They keep watchin' they keep watchin" The rest of the Bellas all joined in, singing the lyrics with the trio, except for Audrey, who seemed oblivious to the song.

Seeing as the crowd was completely caught up in Y/N's performance, she turned towards them and sang in a louder voice, "Feels like the crowd is saying", prompting the audience to join in with

"Gimme, gimme, more gimme more gimme more." Y/N beamed in satisfaction as everyone joined in and sang along with her.

"Anddd, we're out" Y/' said as they finished the song, everyone clapping and cheering. Jesse laughed joining the applause. Before he could say anything the MC came

"Okay funs over sorry laddies the word you needed to match was 'It' not 'It's'. You are CUT OFF" he shouted and the trebles cheered

"What when did that rule happen" Chloe shouted

"Whatever stupid riff off"

Y/N smiled, her expression showing no sign of disappointment. As she saw Jesse in the crowd, she sent a warm, appreciative smile and said, "Congratulations, pretty boy."

Jesse grinned mischievously and replied, "Does the winner get a gift?"

"You wish" Y/N rolled her eyes

This was the moment, Jesse thought to himself, the perfect instant to ask Y/N out. "Hey, I was wondering if maybe..."

But before he could finish, Audrey abruptly interrupted, "Y/N! We have to go."

Disappointed with the interruption, Jesse turned to Audrey, his expression one of annoyance.

"Sorry, chief's calling," she said with a light chuckle

"I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked

"Definitely," Y/N replied,

Y/N followed Audrey and then suddenly stopped, turning to face Jesse once again "Jesse," she breathed, her eyes shining with determination.

With swiftness, she leaned in towards Jesse and planted a brief kiss on his cheek, leaving him completely stunned and unable to hide his flush of surprise.

"Good night"

As Y/N hurried away, Jesse was left standing there, his face flushed with surprise. His hand was still covering the spot on his cheek where the unexpected kiss landed he murmured to himself

"Good night... fucking hell." He shook his head the grin never leaving his face

[iamknicole]

Chapter One

A/N: This is the beginning of Zilla and Moriah's journey. It may be a little choppy but it'll get smoother starting with the next chapter! Excuse any errors I missed! Enjoy!

Warnings: Angst, implied smut, cursing, 18+ only

Prologue

Laughter, singing, and kids screaming happily outside the house could be heard inside. The Fatu family were no strangers to a good barbecue and never needed a reason to have one but this one was special. An honor must of them honestly thought they would never get. But while all the fun was had on the outside, half of the guests of honor was in the bedroom. 

"It already started, Mama, like two hours ago. You said you were coming."

"Okay so if I already told you that I'm coming then why call me, Moriah?"

"Because you're not here yet, Mama. You're never late, you hate being late." She huffed.

The door opened catching Moriah's attention, Zilla slipped in closing the door behind himself. He mouthed "who that?" to her to which she put the call on speaker. 

"Moriah, please. It's a barbecue, those things never end. I'll get there when I get there."

Again, Moriah huffed. "Just please come soon, Mama."

"I will now stop frowning. You're gonna wrinkle."

To that Moriah rolled her eyes then mouthed for Zilla to speak to her. He hesitated for a moment until his saw her brow raise. 

"What's goin' on, Ms. Nadine? How you doin'?"

Nadine grunted audibly. "Hello, Isayah. I'm doing well. And you?"

Moriah put the call on mute for a second, "Please don't. You know she is." She took the call off mute.

"Good to hear that, ma'am. I'm well also."

"I'm sure. Moriah?"

"Ma'am?"

"Don't call again unless something is wrong. I'll get there when I get there."

Zilla waited for her to get off the phone then did it from her hands and into the pocket of his basketball shorts. He pulled her up from the bed then moved his hands to her waist, holding her body against his. She stared up at him with a frown on her face. 

"Talk to Zilla. Tell Zilla what's wrong."

"She's being annoying, she's gonna wait until way later to come and when she does come she's gonna act all stank."

He pecked her lips. "Since you know that's how she gon act then it's a good thing she's not coming until later. You still got time to enjoy yourself. Right?"

She mocked him playfully. "Yeah but it's been a year, she shouldn't still be acting like that about us being together."

"I appreciate that you upset about how she feel about me but don't. Ms. Nadine ain't liked me since we was kids, man," he laughed, "And me going away ain't help that shit. She may not ever like me and you gotta be aight with that never changing or that shit gon eat at you and ruin us. Feel me?"

Moriah scrunched her face up at him, "They send your ass to therapy a few times and now you Dr. Phil. Get on my nerves making sense."

He laughed heartily, one of his hands coming up to clutch his chest. "You got jokes but I'm forreal. I'm good whether she with us or not. As long as I got you and you got me, we got all we need. Aight?"

"Aight, Zay."

His hands moved down to her ass, giving it a tight grip."That's right. Gimmie kiss so we can get out there, the fam was looking for you."

"Thought we were gonna have to come looking for yall. Yall was hidin? Tryna make babies?" Jacob asked jokingly from the grill.

Moriah thumped his neck as she passed him. "Hush up. Ain't nobody making no babies. Mama, get him!"

Laughing, Leata looked up from the bubbles she was opening for the kids. 

"Leave them alone, Jacob. No babies for them right now, they have more important things to do."

Zilla went to bump shoulders playfully with him, "I ain't been in there but like five minutes. It take a whole lot longer than that. Ain't that right, Fat?"

Moriah stared at him, trying to hold her laughter as her cheeks heated up. "You're embarrassing, stop talking to me."

"Moriah," Leata called out, "Sau ia ma ua."

After giving Zilla a kiss, Moriah followed Leata to a quiet corner of the backyard. The two of them hadn't been able to talk as much as they're used to with them trying to get all the last minute things together for the barbecue and all the company wanting to speak to them respectively. 

"Yes ma'am?"

"Just wanted to talk to you before things get really hectic," she explained, watching everybody else, "This past year has been the best that Zilla has had in years. Literally years. And having you by his side has been amazing to see. You two have always worked so well together."

Listening intently, Moriah never took her eyes off of the older woman. She wanted to soak in all of her words, not miss a beat. Their relationship is something she has always treasured.

"I've been there with you both as you both have been building up to this moment. I've been there to support, to help, to hold, to referee," she joked, making them both laugh, "But now you two are about to be on the other side of the country doing your things that you've worked so hard far and I won't be there physically. Although I am only one call away, you two have to remember that all you have is each other."

Moriah spoke softly, "Yes ma'am."

"Eventually you'll build a circle that you both can lean on when necessary but for now it's Zilla and Fat, Fat and Zilla. When my son is too stubborn to remember that, because he will be," she chuckled, "You remind him of that. Remind him of what you're both fighting for and where you both came from."

"I will. He's gonna hate hearing it repeatedly," she laughed, "But I'm gonna tell him, Ma."

Leata finally turned her gaze to Moriah, tears in her eyes that she didn't let fall and a smile on her face. "You both are gonna do amazing, I'll visit whenever I can and remember that alcohol cancels out your birth control."

The sun was nearly setting by the time Nadine made an appearance, unfortunately for her though barbecue had only slowed a little. She entered through the backyard gate, carrying a medium sized gift bag and a slight frown on her face. Her eyes scanned the yard until they landed on her daughter, her frown lifted slightly seeing Moriah. 

"Nadine, I'm glad you could make it. You can sit the gift on the table if you'd like," Leata offered as she approached. 

Nadine shook her head. "Thank you but no, I wanna give it to her myself. You decorated nicely, I like it."

"I can't take all the credit, Rye helped me out with it. Listen, can we talk before you speak to them?"

Although Nadine didn't want to, she obliged. She didn't really have an issue with Leata, not a big one anyway. She followed Leata into the house and into the kitchen. The two of them sat at the breakfast table. 

"She's been looking for you all day, wondering when you were gonna show up."

"She so dramatic," Nadine chuckled, "I told that girl I was coming. Is that what you wanted to talk about? 23 years old and acting like this, yet she's getting ready to move across the country. Tuh."

Leata sat quietly for a moment trying to choose her words carefully as not to upset Nadine. "I get it, she's your only baby and she's growing up, moving away … it's difficult to deal with. He's not my only but he is my baby so I get feeling apprehensive about the whole move. What makes me feel better is knowing that they're gonna have each other."

"Her leaving doesn't make me apprehensive. I expected her to leave and take on a career." Nadine explained flatly. "But what I am apprehensive about and what I did not expect is my daughter making this move because of your son. Making this move with nothing but one car, their clothes and a few personal items."

"Moriah is not making this move because of my son, Nadine. Moriah and Zilla made this decision together after he'd been offered a contract." Leata snapped back. "She may not have a job yet but it'll come. Any hospital would be happy to have her. And yeah they may not have a lot of material items but they have somewhere to lay their heads at night."

The two women calmly went back and forth for the next ten minutes about their children and their plan. Neither planned on backing down from their positions but were able to keep it respectful, which was the hardest for Leata. She couldn't understand why Nadine was so against their relationship and their move. Jacob had walked in on the conversation then walked right back, he let Moriah know that her mother had made it. 

"Who knows how long they've been in there," Moriah groaned. "Let me get in there. You coming, babe?"

A part of him wanted to say no but he knew he couldn't let her go alone so he nodded. 

"But listen calm down before you get in there. You was havin' a good time, enjoyin' yourself until you found out she was here. Don't let her ruin your mood like that. Aight? Promise me."

"But I," Zilla raising his brows stopped her, "Okay, I promise. I'm calm."

Nodding, Zilla turned his girlfriend around and gently guided her towards the house. When they got inside, the mothers were still going back and forth which made Moriah internally groan. 

"Hey, Mama. You look petty."

Getting up from her chair, Nadine finally smiled as she hugged her daughter tight. Zilla and Leata watched them, making eye contact with each other when they realized Moriah held her hands at her side for most of the hug. Nadine let her go, checking out the outfit.

"Thank you. You look cute, showing those legs today I see."

"Thanks. I know you see Zilla behind me, Mama."

"Hmm," she glanced at the young man then stepped around her daughter to hug him briefly, "Of course I did. Couldn't miss him, he's attached to your hip. How are you, Isayah?"

He chuckled, ignoring her slight shade. "I'm good, Ms. Nadine. I do be attached to her hip, if I could get in her skin I'd be there too I can't lie. How you doing though? You good? You aight, Ms. Nadine?"

"I just bet you would. I'm fine, Isaiah." She huffed turning back to her daughter. "Did you tell your father about your big move?"

"Told him when I told you. He excited about it, Mama. I wish you would be too." She admitted honestly. 

"Well don't waste a wish on that cause it won't ever happen."

Moriah knew she promised her boyfriend that she would be calm and relaxed but her mother was grating her last nerve into dust. She punched the bridge of her nose momentarily. "Why are you being such a butt about this, Ma? Just be happy for me, even if you don't like him do it for me."

"Moriah DeBreaux, did you just call me an ass? Absolutely not, ma'am. Unacceptable."

"Well that's what you're acting like. I would like for you to be happy for me," she stressed. "We're leaving in the morning and you can't even try to act happy."

Watching her daughter with a brow raised, Nadine waited until she was sure Moriah was done. She stepped closer to her daughter, maintaining eye contact. 

"I love you, Moriah. I love you so much that I don't wanna see you ruin your life but I wish you and him luck on your move. I hope that I'm wrong and it's everything you ever wanted." A faint smile showed on Moriah's face as she readied herself to hug her mother but was stopped. Zilla moved to stand behind his girlfriend, putting his hands on her shoulders and Leata watched from her seat at the breakfast table. "However, if I'm right and you realize that this move and this relationship was a terrible decision like I said it was, you are always welcome back home with me. I won't even say I told you so."

"It's probably best if you leave, Nadine. That's enough." Leata spoke softly. "They're leaving at 5 tomorrow morning if you would like to see them off."

Before leaving Nadine gave Moriah her gift, Leata excused herself so the young couple could talk. Knowing she was down, Zilla massaged her shoulders quietly giving her space to talk when she was ready. It was no secret to anyone in their lives how Nadine felt about him and the relationship, it was also no secret about the way Nadine's feeling made Moriah feel. While it was no skin off Zilla's back, his girlfriend's feelings mattered to him. 

"She could've just turned down the invite. Hell, I shouldn't have even invited her and all of this would've been avoided," she expressed into the air. "I see why my dad got outta that house."

Zilla hummed, letting her know he was listening. She chuckled humorlessly as she opened the gift bag making him peer over her shoulder into the bag.

"What's that?"

Moriah started to take the items out of the bag, sitting them on the table. "Ring doorbell, a set of towels and washcloths, and a box of condoms that wouldn't fit you if we tried."

He chuckled a bit, "Damn so she don't think I can keep you safe or clean and my dick small. Damn, that's fucked up."

She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her as she turned to face her boyfriend. Taking his face into her hands, she pulled him down to kiss him through her laughs. 

"I guess so but we know better."

He pecked her lips a few times then reached for the box of condoms, studying the box with a slight smirk on his face. "She really looked at me and said extra small. That shit wild. What you told her, Fat?"

The way her eyes lit up as she threw her head back and laughed, made him laugh with her. He loved to see that smile on her face, he'd do whatever he could to keep it there. 

"I ain't tell her nothing, Zay. Especially not that. I'm not even sure an extra small would fit on your finger," 

"Shid, let's find out," he laughed, opening the box. He pulled one out, bringing it to his mouth to tear it open without missing the look on her face. "What? What you lookin at me like that for?"

She scrunched her face, feeling her body heat up a little. "I don't think I've ever seen you open a condom before, that's all."

"It's usually already open," he shrugged, tossing the paper onto the counter once he got the condom out, "You like that?"

She nodded slowly. "Yup."

"Noted," he responded, focused on balancing the condom on his index finger, "Roll it down fa' me, Fat."

The intrusive thoughts were getting to her but she pushed them aside to do what he asked. Carefully, she rolled it down his finger not being able to hold her giggles in. He laughed with her as he waited for her to finish. 

"Look like it fit," he joked, flexing his finger at her. "But it damn sho ain't gon fit nowhere else."

"It ain't but why she felt the need to get the lubricated one," Moriah laughed, wiping the residue on her shorts. 

"Guess she tryna say you need a lil help," he laughed, dodging her hit, "I'm just saying, man. Come 'ere so I can test this out."

She backed away from him, laughing. "Oh uhn uhn, no. Your family is out there."

"And you ain't ever cared any other time." He took another step towards her while she took one back. "You gon make me chase you, Fat? Come 'ere, girl."

Fifteen hours after they said their goodbyes in Houston, Moriah and Zilla arrived in Orlando at the apartment complex they would call home for the foreseeable future. They laughed, they cried, they argued a bit on their drive but it was all worth it. The leasing manager was nice enough to wait on their arrival to hand off their keys even though it was after seven when they arrived. Moriah had slept through the last leg of the drive and Zilla getting the keys which he was more than okay with. He wanted to surprise her in a way. 

"Come on, Fat. Time to wake up, babygirl." He leaned across the seat to kiss her face. "Get on up, Fat."

Parking in front of their building, Zilla shook her gently speaking softly to her. 

Moriah slowly woke from her nap, rubbing at her face and looking around. "Where are we, babe?"

He smiled widely, dangling their keys. "We home, baby."

For the next couple of hours, they worked together on bringing their belongings up to their second floor, one bedroom apartment and getting it unpacked. The bulk of their things were their clothes and all the gifts from the barbecue. They were thankful his mom had the idea to make it a housewarming/going away barbecue. They'd gotten so many gifts from family and friends of items they would need for their apartment. They're favorite gift after that long drive was the air mattress, one of his aunts had gotten them. Instead of taking their bed across country, they opted to buy a new one whenever they could once in Florida. 

"Where you want the TV and the bed?" He asked, pulling his shirt over his head then wiped his sweat with it. 

"Uuh we can go head and put it in the bedroom, babe. No need in us sleeping in the living room when we have a room." He nodded, going to start inflating the bed. She continued to stock their kitchen items away. "I'm gonna order dinner! What do you want?"

"I'll eat whatever! Don't matter to me," he yelled from the bedroom. 

She mumbled a joke under her breath, laughing softly at it. Once she was done, she ordered Chipotle for them then went to check on him. Zilla was putting the final touches on the now made up bed, it brought a smile to Moriah's face.

"You're much better at that than I am," she joked, approaching him. She leaned up on her toes to kiss him. "Looks good."

"Thank you. You ordered the food already?" 

"Yeah, should be here in like 30 minutes."

"Bet. Ima take a shower before it gets here. You good before I do that?" He saw a familiar look pass her face before she shook her head. "You sure? Cause every time I ask and you say no, you get to yellin' my name while I'm tryna wash my ass."

She laughed, flicking his arm. "I do not do that all the time but I'm sure. Go, go wash ya stank butt. Go."

After his shower and hers, the couple sat on their living room floor eating their dinner together. Since they got back together, they made it a point to eat together whenever they were together. 

"You tell Booker you made it?" 

He nodded, taking a moment to chew and swallow his food."I did and he told me to let Hunter know too. So did that."

"Aaaand," Moriah pushed, barely containing her excitement. 

"Told me to be at the PC at 8 tomorrow ready to work."

Moriah put her food aside then moved closer, throwing her arms around him, careful of his food. She kissed his face repeatedly. "I'm so proud of you, Zay. You better be proud of yourself too. You're gonna be great, everybody already love you so you have nothing to worry about."

She felt him deflate under her so she hugged him tighter. His thoughts rushed to him, too many at one time bouncing off of the walls of his mind. 

"What if I fuck it up?" He asked softly. 

"What if you kill it? They wouldn't have went out their way to offer a contract, let alone let you negotiate up if they didn't think you could do it, Zay." She coached softly as she rubbed his head. "Don't overthink this. Booker is gonna be there with you and you know wherever you go, your dad is there too."

He kissed her arm, pulling away from the hug. "Yeah, thank you. What you gon get up to tomorrow? I'm prolly gon be gone all day."

Moriah knew what that meant, the conversation about him was over and maybe they would circle back but she wouldn't hold her breath on it. She went back to her spot, noticing the small smile on his face. 

"Get our internet and cable turned on, maybe put the ring camera up and depending on how those two go I'm either gonna get groceries delivered or Uber to get it."

"Shit," he mumbled, "If you wanna take the car, you can drop me off or I'll uber. I ain't even think about it."

She waved him off with her fork back in her hands, "I'm fine, I promise. You take the car."

"You don't need to be in no strange car, Fat. I'm serious."

"Okay so I won't uber, I'll get it delivered. Deal?" She asked, trying to end it. "I honestly don't feel like leaving the apartment anyway."

Eyeing her for a second, he accepted her words and went back to his food. The thought of him potentially being too busy to answer the phone if she was in trouble didn't feel good to him. It was the two of them now and he took protecting her even more seriously.

"Aight but I mean it, don't let me find out you did that shit anyway, Moriah. I ain't playin."

"Okay, Daddy Zilla," she joked, trying to make him laugh, "I promise that I won't uber without you. Scouts honor."

"When you gon apply to them hospitals? Or you finally stopped being hard headed and ain't gon work like I suggested?" 

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Wanting to work is not being hard headed, baby. I didn't go to school all this time and stress me, you and your mom out tryna study for that test just to not use my degree, Zilla. Oh I'm working in somebody hospital."

They laughed together, Zilla threw his napkin at her catching her in the forehead. 

"When you put it that way, hell yeah yo ass finna go to work," he added, "I ain't get none for like a month fuckin with that test that you was cryin' bout. So back to my original question, when you gon apply?"

She mocked him through her laughter. "Shut up, I was not that bad but I'm gonna do it tomorrow while I have peace and quiet."

"I caught that shade but that's fine, don't be kissin' on me when I get home tomorrow since you said that. I'm proud of you though. Can't wait for you to get on so I can slide up there to see you," he rubbed his hands thinking about it, "If ion see you ima ask them to page Nurse Fat for me. Tell em I'm feelin' a lil feverish."

"Boy," she fell out laughing, "Do not come harassing me at my job. Ima call security."

"Damn I can't come see my lady at work. I'm tryna see you in ya scrubs and shit and take you to lunch but you gon call them people on me. That's cold, Fat. Real cold."

After dinner, the couple cleaned up and got ready for the next day. Their wind down ended with them relaxing comfortably on their air mattress. Neither of them realized how tired they were from their cross country trek until that moment. Knowing they would both fall asleep soon, Zilla facetimed his mom so they both could hear her voice before drifting off.

"My babies," she smiled as soon as her face came into view, "You both look worn out."

Zilla pulled his girlfriend closer, her back to his front, resting his head on her slightly.

"Cause we are," She giggled softly. "Especially after being so alert with road rage here driving." 

Laughing, he spanked her thighs playfully. "That's you with that road rage, staring people down and shit."

Leata interrupted through her laughter knowing the two of them would continue to go back and forth. "Well either way, I'm glad you two made it. Call me tomorrow, let me know how things went. I love you both."

"Love you too," the couple responded simultaneously.

As the words were leaving their lips, Zilla and Moriah were falling asleep. Leata's voice being the ultimate comfort for them. She watched them a while longer and prayed for them both before ending their call.

[starseneyes]

Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 21

"Going Under" AKA "Going Down in the Laundry Room"

We made it home just in time for the episode, but I was too worn from the events of the day to finish last night. So, here it is, your Meta.

SPOILER ALERT: Look, I don't spoil those who want to remain unspoiled, which is why there's a cute "Read More" button. But as soon as you click that, you're on your own. You will be spoiled. Sorry, not sorry.

All squared away? It's time to dive in!

Lucy and Tim Brief the Team

There's something very powerful about seeing Lucy and Tim standing up there to tell everyone about the Op.

It throws me back to Lucy's first Under Cover assignment when an angry Tim perched outside the door, arms crossed, while Lucy sat as a member of the briefing.

Now, Sergeant Second Class Bradford and... what the hell!?

Where's Lucy's promotion, dagnabbit?!

Look, I'm really not trying to complain after the feast we got in this episode. But, it really does strike hard when you're thinking about earlier seasons and how far Tim has come professionally.

I really hope the "Lucy wants to make Detective" story line continues this season or beginning of next.

"Which is where Officer Chen comes in. She'll be going undercover..."

It's good that Tim's the one who's introducing this, and we're continuing our thread of, "Tim is trying to be okay with this."

Also, again, a long way from Tim being pissed about Lucy going UC. The growth has been massive. I think it's important to acknowledge that even as we spend this episode highlighting how much further these two have to go.

The need for continued growth does not cancel out the growth already achieved. Work is work, and when you put it in, it matters.

"Until further notice, if you see Officer Chen out in the world, don't acknowledge her."

And, I'm thrown back to Lucy's Op at the end of Season 3, when Tim and Jackson came across her with the traffic stop. I remember Jackson asking Tim how to play it, and Tim coaching him through.

"I called Hard Luck." "Really? He's such an unreliable CI."

Gosh, I love how these two talk to one another. Again, we've come so fucking far.

And I know I'm waxing nostalgic, a bit, but I think that's natural for an episode of this magnitude. Lucy hasn't done more than a short stint undercover op in many seasons.

And this is the first time we get to see these two handle it as a couple.

Every other time they've done this, Tim was a TO or a coworker. Now, he's Lucy's Shower Sex Sweetie and Quality Quickie with a dash of Down-And-Dirty-All-Night-Long-Hottie.

It's bound to change the dynamic. But one thing that I love about this scene is how equal they are.

Sure, Lucy doesn't have the rank, but she's no longer "sir"ing Tim (unless he asks for it in the bedroom... or shower... or wherever role playing activities might transpire).

"He knows it's important to me." "Aw... undercover love." *giggle*

Y'all, I'm giddy. Like, legit was grinning like a fool. And after the day I've had, that's no small miracle.

Also, it feels like Eric Winter almost broke, and like Melissa O'Neil did. I have no intel on this, and I might be completely off-base, but there was something about his little quirk of the lip and double-take that would definitely have set me off if I was working opposite him in that scene.

"Jamie Hall." "You all set up Jamie?" "Yeah, all good."

So. Fucking. Cute.

I just love that Tim's the one outside keeping an eye on her (even if my subconscious is trying to connect the dots between IA paperwork, possible liabilities of Tim overreacting or losing his cool, and what happens if he uses the wrong name by accident, etc).

He is the protector. And being involved in the Op is easier for him to handle than not being involved.

Think about it... we know that Isabel would go away for months at a time and Tim felt like he couldn't breathe the whole time. He didn't know about the people she met. He didn't know anything.

He told Isabel that Lucy was different, and I think we all can see that Chenford can be different. But without communication, they're doomed.

Golly, that sounds dramatic. Like that old shipping commercial where everyone is doomed. Yeah, like twelve of you reading understand that reference, and I'm leaving it anyway.

But, I truly believe communication is the foundation to a strong relationship. And I'm not just saying that because I happen to hold two degrees in communications.

Tim and Lucy have the benefit of an established relationship based on trust and respect. But learning to effectively communicate your needs, wants, fears, aversions, and desires as a couple is completely different.

"Are you good? .... "Are you good?" "Do you mean do I miss you already? Nah, I'm fine." "You are such a jerk."

This is so me and Matt coded. And, yes, I'm Lucy in this scenario. Can't tell you how many times I've affectionately called Matthew a jerk and he's shared that same satisfactory smirk on Tim's face afterwards.

"Hey, will you keep an eye on Tamara for me? You know, just check in on her every once in a while." "Of course. Yeah, don't worry about her. I'll keep an eye on her. You just focus on the job."

Tim is really trying to be amazingly supportive for her. And I love this little reminder that Tim does have his own place.

Yes, for production purposes we're spending a lot of time at Lucy's (that I head-canon is because she lives closer to the station).

Also, Tim doesn't hesitate to watch out for Tamara. There was a time he only referred to Tamara as "Lucy's Puppy", but now they're family.

"How long do you think this will take?"

Excuse me, we're getting a montage!?! Like, a montage with voice over provided by our intrepid duo? Be still my beating heart!

Y'all don't understand. I was a Voice Over artist for two decades. So, when I see actors who can also do voice over well, I get super hyped.

Melissa O'Neil and Eric Winter decided to make me gawk at their talent even more tonight. Gee wiz! Like, it's possible they recorded their audio together, but more likely they were each in comfy clothes in the booth solo on completely different days.

And the chemistry. still. freakin. works. That's talent, my friends.

Look, some people crush VO and some people don't. Just watch (or don't watch... maybe with shrooms nearby) the Star Wars Holiday Special animated section to see what I mean.

I'm not gonna name names, but it was really easy to call which Star Wars actor was going to go into voice work later and which one really shouldn't have been asked to do that long VO for Blade Runner.

"Oh, do not finish this season of Top Chef without me." "I can't make any promises."

Y'all, this is so me and Matt coded! Now, Top Chef is my show and not Matthew's. I even keep it on in the background when I'm working or writing a screenplay.

Yes, I know most people don't work that way. I'm weird. I've come to terms with it, and I like me—weird and all.

But we totally have our shows where we say, "You better not watch this without me!" And, usually, I'm the one to screw it up. Mostly by accident!

Matthew always reminds me of Mean Girls. He wanted to see it in theaters. I said to hold off. Then we were in the video store (yes, we're old) and he offered to rent it, but I said to hold off. The third time was a year later when he remembered we hadn't seen it.

Except I accidentally caught it on TV totally forgetting we said we'd watch it together. Eep!

Also, after Lucy complaining about her ex watching too many cooking shows after his wrists were slit, I find it interesting she actively watched them with Tim.

Just goes to show cooking shows were never the problem. *cough* dead weight puffed chicken *cough*

"You ever wish you has a normal job?" "One where people don't shoot at you? Not once." "Yeah, me, either."

I love how easy their conversation is. These are the little things that add up to big things when you're building a relationship. And some mastermind in the Writer's Room thought, "What if we advance their relationship while advancing the episode's story via VO?"

As much flack as VO sometimes takes (and I'm actually a VO fan), I adore this choice.

We don't need to meet all the people in the office and establish relationships with them. It doesn't service the story or our core characters. So, we're letting Tim and Lucy—two characters we adore—carry us through via the VO. It's bloody beautiful.

Also, I love the pacing of this episode. Love it. There's an effortlessness to the timing of the edits and the passage of time via wardrobe change is so beautifully done.

I know we have the Super giving us time stamps via dates, but those are almost superfluous because we can visualize the journey via other cues. It's stuff like this that makes me bloody giddy.

"Making any friends?"

This. Is. So. Cute. Tim is actually keeping Lucy sane, here, I'm convinced! Remember her last UC assignment where she had to check in via phone? She was bored out of her mind.

"Is the monotony getting to you?" "I don't mind it... I just don't want it to all be for nothing."

This is so interesting to me. The word choice, I mean. This is how I felt about the infertility drugs... it couldn't all be for nothing.

I'm not going to get into the whole thing, here. But, I dealt with multiple years of infertility for my kids. For a while, I had to be on this medication—letrazole. Most people have minor reactions on it. I had almost all the weird/severe reactions.

But it got my follicles to optimum size for ovulation. It wasn't all for nothing.

There are things we put ourselves through willingly, sometimes, that to an outsider might seem strange. But we have a reason for what we're doing—and a hope that it's the right thing to do.

"Why don't we go for a walk?"

It's not Chenford, but I gotta call out my on-screen bestie for using her brains on this one to prevent Frank from taking her to a second location. Well done.

Tim Pretending to Be On the Phone

Fierce protector is there. Now, I'm turning off my subconscious brain on this one, and I'll explain why at the end. But, I did think it was a nice touch to have Tim on the phone, here.

There's something about this episode that felt like a dash of Alias was sprinkled onto the souffle. It's already an abundant hour that could feel bloated, but instead is rich and decadent. But that added spice is palpable in the shooting and editing, especially.

That over-the-shoulder shot of the landscape when Tim's watching them feels hand-held, giving us that sense of something being off-kilter and unstable.

When Tim hangs up, it's a shot of his torso, out-of-focus, with the real action behind him. There are layers to how this is shot, and it's so reminiscent of a spy movie in the best ways.

The whole episode is already elevated by Michael Rooker. But the script and pacing and directing and editing all feel like they've risen to the occasion, too.

"I was bored to early onset rigor mortis."

But this is a part of UC life. It's the "hurry up and wait" that is strangely a huge part of life in the film/television industry, as well. Like, a huge part.

It could be waiting for the sun to set so you have the perfect lighting, waiting for an actor on set, waiting for notes, or even a Writer's Strike if it comes to that.

UC often means embedding for months at a time before getting what you're going after. It's something for which Tim and Lucy must prepare. And I feel like this episode is the perfect vehicle to get us there.

"Like a date?" ... "odds are he's hoping for a little something-something."

Tim is having a hard time, and Grey knows it. I love how he casts a glance Tim's way on this line, sensing his unease.

Let's be real—Grey saw Chenford coming before they did. And he's the one really tuned into Tim, here.

Tim can't help walking her to the door, holding it open for her, even if he knows he can't touch her. He's concerned.

"You okay?" "Five by five." "You gotta treat this like any other op and treat Lucy like any other UC." "I know."

I'll be honest, when I first watched this scene, this is what I wrote: UGH. I don't like what's being set up. Please don't let Tim fuck this up. Please don't let Tim fuck this up.

I have never been so happy to be wrong about my read on a scene. I seriously worried we were setting it up for Tim to be the liability in all this, and I'm grateful that's not the direction it went.

This show has a history of showing couples working through bad times, tough situations, close calls. The core couples suffer as much as any Austen heroine—and they come out alright in the end. I'm grateful to see that tradition continue with Chenford.

"Okay."

First off, I have to admit that I giggled when Lucy's head popped up. I know it's a completely inappropriate response, but all I could picture was one of those Whack-A-Mole's at the Chuck-E-Cheese growing up. She was like a little prairie dog, and I haven't been able to watch the scene since.

Anyway, back to what I wrote when this first aired: Tim sees Lucy and he can breathe, again. She knew. She knew he'd be looking for her.

And Tim knew he couldn't breach. If he went in, that'd give away everything, and someone needed to go after that car.

He's doing everything right. But it hurts like hell.

"Gun was empty. I got lucky. Otherwise..."

And you can see it hurts. Look, Tim has faced a lot worse in his time in the military and working Patrol. But everything is raw right now.

The woman he loves it in danger. She was nearly killed by that same weapon. Both of them had close calls with the same gun and lived to tell the tale.

"Hey, you okay?" "Yeah. I am now.... meet me at the laundry room in your building." "Yes. See you in 30."

I love the touch that Lucy's hand is on the phone before Frank even pulls away. She needs to touch base with Tim. She needs to hear his voice.

And I love the emphasis Melissa O'Neil places on "Yes". It's a heart cry for its soulmate. There is no question that they need to see one another.

Tim has always had this need to protect Lucy, even before romance was on the table. And Lucy has always had a need to protect Tim, too, in her own way.

Lucy watching out for Tim with Isabel. Tim doing whatever it took to save Lucy from a serial killer. Over and over, these two have a need to know the other is okay.

I remember not so long ago Tim was asking Nolan, Nyla, Angela... asking if Lucy was okay. He needed to know. Then, he finally had the direct line as a friend. He could text her to get the details.

Now, they need to see each other. It's that same need, but it's grown along with their relationship.

*hug* "That was really scary." "Yeah, I almost had a heart attack."

Lucy launches herself up into his arms and he nestles into her shoulder. Tim's right hand is splayed across her back, as though he wants to hold as much of her at one time as he can.

It's another one of those "Eric Winter act all the way through his fingers" moments. Tim's whole body is reacting to holding her, safe in his arms, down to those fingertips.

These poor babies. This is the first time they've had to do this deep since Lucy's S3 arc. And they've never done it in love, before. Not with each other.

Tim knows what he lost with Isabel. But this love is different, deeper, developed from the gradual building of trust. Layers upon layers of caring. Lucy is the love of his life—and he's run raw from witnessing the shootout, and skirting death moments apart.

"If you need to tap out-" "No."

Tim is trying to give her an out, and there's a mix here of professional and personal. She's shaken. So is he. But this is the job.

And he knows that. He does. But we've already established he can't be objective where she is concerned.

"Has he tried anything?"

This is a scenario that's run through my mind a million times—what would Tim do if someone violated Lucy... and what would he do to that person?

The way Eric Winter plays this moment is so heartbreaking, too. There's a vulnerability in Tim's eyes that is completely personal, void of professional. He's a man worried about the love of his life.

He knows she can handle herself. It's not a cognitive issue. It's that part of him that cries out Fierce Protector whenever she is in danger.

Lucy gets that, and she grabs onto his jacket with one hand, almost pulling him closer to her.

"Alright, now is not the time to talk about this-"

It's easier for him to change the subject on her than to acknowledge how much they both need to have this conversation at some point. They've been talking around it and avoiding it.

It has to be addressed at some point. There is no way forward without it.

"If you're good, I'm good." "I'm good." "Good."

I'm having a bit of a Court Jester moment, here, and it's cracking me up. "Get it?" "Got it." "Good."

But also, "Good" is kind of their word. Tim used it post-DOD with her in the workout room, and again when he was happy she didn't change her mind about dating him.

I don't know who made the choice—whether it was a writing thing, first, or an actor choice in the moment, but it somehow makes it more personal and lived-in. And I love that.

"Lock the door first."

Did they just.... have sex in there? Oh my GOSH they pulled a Java!

But what I really love about this is how it feels like a callback to 5x01 and the airplane bathroom. Not only is it a small space where they are covertly meeting to discuss the mission, but it's also a parallel to Lucy needing grounding and Tim being the one to do it.

In 5x01, Lucy was shaken by the Rosalind news. She made an excuse to kiss Tim, to wrap herself in a moment that was a release. Remember Isabel talking about how great it was to unwind in that hotel room and not be on guard for a bit?

Lucy needs this. She needs to be with Tim and wrap herself in the life they are building. Even if it's only a little while, it's going to sustain her while she's pretending while thinking on three levels to not get killed.

He grounds her when she's flailing. And she envelopes him when he's crumbling. Tim and Lucy have built a relationship of mutual respect, love, and protection. And, damn, is it great to get to see it on-screen.

"Miss you." "Getting coffee. 1 Minute." "911."

Shit. Of course this is the one moment when something goes down.

But I love the fact that Lucy was having Laundry Room Sex less than 12 hours earlier and she's already texting her boyfriend because she misses him. No wonder he practically lives at her place, already.

Also, now we know she finally has him listed as "Tim" in her phone. Now, he was "Tim" at the end of S4E1, but I think that was an oversight. So, officially we've graduated to first names.

"Hey. Why are you here?"

Oh, GPS tracking, how I hate thee in real life and love thee on TV.

"You got ten seconds to convince me you're not a cop."

Annnnd, there it is. This guy's not a moron. This isn't his first rodeo. And now he has a gun trained on our girl.

"I'm not a cop I... " "Then how the hell did you know they were coming." "A police scanner app. I can show you."

Well. Done. There are folks in my area who have scanner apps and are constantly posting things online.

I sometimes forget about it because when I worked in a newsroom, we had a guy whose whole job was to listen to the scanner. Still boggles my mind anyone can do it these days!

And Lucy. Gets. Him. Monologuing. And it's beautiful. Lessor actors would have bungled it, but Michael Rooker is a bloody master of the craft, and Melissa O'Neil holds her own opposite him, which adds such richness.

Before we move on, I have to pause and just fawn over Michael Rooker a bit. He's just such a gem of an actor, and that whole interaction there between Lucy and Frank is elevated by his presence.

He pours so much life into a character we've barely known five minutes.

I met him once upon a time. My mother was the Key Makeup Artist on a movie called Deceiver. While I was visiting Mom on-set, I had the opportunity to run lines with him.

He treated me like a working actor, which was crazy to a kid like me.

I remember him running me through this one line over and over. It was a three-word line (which of course I can't remember), but he was trying to teach me how inflection and intention can completely change the meaning of a line.

I carried that with me, and applied it to my acting, writing, and VO work the rest of my life.

My mom said he told her that I acted like a pro. And that's just so bloody special to me. I never had the body or the face for the big time, ya know? But, an actor I admire thought I had the chops. And that's super cool.

"Where are you?" "I'm outside the cover apartment. Frank just dropped me off."

One thing that is a minor thing, but really cracks me up about their dialogue is when they see each other in person, there's almost always a "hey" breathed under their breathe. On the phone, they just get to the point. It's so minor, but it makes me smile.

"I think this op is done." "You sure? " "Yeah. I mean, he's got no crew, no product. It's over." "That's too bad." "Why?" "I was looking forward to another laundry room hookup."

You. Idiots. And I say that with all love! It's so nice to see these two really enjoying their relationship, dagnabbit.

"I need a big meal, a hot bath, and some quality sexy time and then I'm gonna sleep for 24 hours."

Lucy runs her hands down his stomach, but Tim's quick to grab her hands. He rubs her arm, as though reminding himself that she's real.

"What what is that? What? " I just... Isabel used to always crash after a long term assignment. It took her months to come back to life."

I have three children. The first two are twins. And they were born just a few months after my best friend had her first. Her second child was born about six months before my third child.

Yes, I have a point. Gimme a second.

I have dealt with two very different children from day one. I don't know what it is to be the mother of a single child. That was never my reality.

But my bestie was shocked by how different her second child was compared to her first. She'd only known one thing for three years, so she assumed that's how all babies would be.

It was simply lack of experience that led her to lean into her previous understanding thinking it was all she needed. That's Tim, here.

He knows that Lucy is different... but they've never done this before. He's never been the one she came home to after a UC assignment.

He's not equating everything to Isabel because he thinks Lucy is Isabel, but because he has no comparisons. Tim and Lucy are going to build that together, yes, but he honestly doesn't know how to do that.

We know that Isabel shut him out. Tim is terrified Lucy will do the same, even though he hasn't verbalized it... yet.

"You know what, I do have to come clean about something, though. I know I made you a promise to not watch Top Chef without me but I couldn't wait. I'm sorry." "Bad girlfriend." "No! No. I'm sorry." "Horrible!"

I'm sheepishly hiding my face because I'm so Lucy in this moment. My on-screen bestie and I have way too much in common.

Also, we needed that bit of levity to break up the scene. Because it's about to get heavy.

"So... Why didn't you tell me you almost died chasing down the shooter at the restaurant?" "Because I didn't. Who told you?"

It's shocking Lucy thought she would ever be able to keep the Five Player Trade quiet considering how quickly gossip moves through that station. Gee wiz!

"The gun was empty, right? So this is much ado about nothing."

A Shakespeare reference? Now I know our girl's been rubbing off on her man.

"Besides I know for a fact you don't tell me everything that happens when you're undercover." "No. you know for a fact that Isabel didn't. If this is gonna between us I need to know you can see the difference."

Here we go. They are finally having the conversation they need to have. Tim told Isabel that Lucy was different. We know he knows it. But he has to believe it, too.

"... listen, I need you to take it seriously if I ever sound the alarm about something. Otherwise the pain of what I went through would have been for nothing. And I can't lose you the way I lost her.

That "for nothing" is coming back around. It can't be for nothing.

And he can't lose her. He survived losing Isabel. Yes, it broke him. It broke him for a long time. But I don't know if he'd ever recover from losing Lucy. True love can have that effect.

"You won't. I'll walk away before it gets close to anything like that. Okay? I promise."

There we go. This was the piece Lucy was missing last week when she tried to broach the subject. She approached it as though it was something he needed to deal with. But relationships only work when we get through together.

This conversation doesn't make everything all better. They are still going to face obstacles and issues. But they are finally being open and honest in both directions about Lucy doing UC.

Tim and Lucy embrace, but this is different than any of their other hugs, and I wonder if it's intentional. Tim has always nestled into her right shoulder. Lucy usually has one arm up and one down.

This time, she almost scoops in underneath as he wraps both arms around her. She's nestled in his wings as he's held up by her strength.

"We can build a house away from here," the song says. And they could. They could both walk away. But we've established that this is the life they love, dangerous as it is.

And the more they fall in love, the more they both have something worst living for. And that's terrifying.

Have you ever been in love? The kind of love that reciprocates and grows? It's amazing. I've only experienced it once, with the love of my life. It's difficult, at times, but it's also rewarding.

And it amplifies the big stuff. Because you're now a part of something so much bigger than the individual. And for Tim and Lucy, putting their lives on the line means there's someone who will be destroyed if they die.

There's all the more reason to live, but that can't get into the decision-making process in the moment. "You have to keep your head in the game," Tim has said often.

Love conquers all, right? Sometimes, it merely complicates.

I'm grateful for this episode. The pacing and directing were so on-point all around, and I felt like all the on-screen characters had moments to shine without it feeling over-bloated. Just beautifully done all-around.

Thank you for reading, loves. This week has been a hard one in my life as I drove back to Wilmington to say what may be my last goodbyes to one of my best friends who I've known since we were 11. Cancer is the B-word.

Cherish the ones you love. Tell them often that you care. Make memories. Build dreams. Chase hope. Live this life, dagnabbit. I believe in you.

[duhragonball]

November Plannin'

All right, I've been thinking it over, and I think I'm gonna have to pull the plug on my NaNoWriMo account. The AI thing irks me, because to me the organization seems to think that it doesn't matter if you use Chat GPT or some other damn thing to reach the goal. And I do think it matters, because to me the whole point of the exercise is that those 50,000 words come from me, and me alone. The only software I need is Notepad.exe. I only downloaded iA Writer because it was like a Notepad.exe for my phone, and I got FocusWriter because it's like Notepad.exe with a wordcounter.

I've heard about the Nano community, and the writing groups, and the public meet-ups, and I'm not knocking any of that stuff, but I never had any interest in that. I just used the website to keep score, and I guess that's what bugs me, because by refusing to condemn AI, they're basically insinuating that the score doesn't matter. "It doesn't matter what you wrote." Someone told me that once and it still gets me kinda hot.

NaNoWriMo doesn't care if I write the words or not. All the org seems to care about is having participants who'll buy the merch and click on their sponsors, or whatever. They're gonna do this shady crap and they take the participants for granted. "What are you gonna do? Leave? You need us to reach your writing goals!"

That's the message I get from them. That's what made me reluctant to decide, because it is handy, and there's a certain anxiety that if I give up the structure the site offers, I might not reach my goal.

And that's the "creative monster" I need to slay this year. When I was in college, I took a semester of creative writing, and there was an assignment called "Killing the Creative Monster", and I interpreted it as a sense of not having enough time to write. Things kept happening, and the stuff I wanted to do seemed like it would take too long with no certainty that it would be worthwhile. That was in 1998. In 2024, the Creative Monster is the idea that I'm dependent on NanoWriMo to get me where I'm want to be.

So I'm gonna close down my account on the site. But I'm not doing it right away, because first I'm gonna save all the stats and stuff that belong to me. We'll start with the banner image I put up on my profile.

This is Zack Sabre Junior. This year, he won the G1 Climax tournament. He made a big deal about how his career wouldn't be complete until he won the G1. Not just any G1, but this year's tournament. I just put this picture in my profile because I was digging his tag team stuff with Taichi a few years ago, but suddenly I'm reminded of him winning the G1 this year. It was a big deal. He's the first guy to win that I actually wanted to win.

I've won NanoWriMo seven times from 2017 to 2023. But that doesn't matter. Unless I win Unaffiliated Autumnal Writing Challenge (UAWC) in 2024, I'll always feel a bit unsatisfied. That's what this one is about. No pep talks from some author I never heard of because I'm too busy watching anime to read. No funky word-count widget that always malfunctions around midnight. Just me and this computer, and a bunch of tekkers. That's how we're gonna do this one.

Good. I finally feel fired up about this one. I was beginning to get nervous. Let's figure out what I need to work on.

Luffa Annual 6. Ironically, this one actually takes priority over the main fic, becuase it's the Christmas Special, so it has a hard deadline. I was gonna work on it last week, but I kind of blew it off.

I don't know that the annuals are all that popular, but I enjoy making them, even if they are a huge pain in the butt to figure out. I'm glad this is the last one in the set, but I won't just slap it together and call it good.

Tellurium. This is a weird side-bet I'm making here. On my main blog, I used to do a series on the discovery of the chemical elements, and this was the next one on my list back in, uh... 2016. The tricky thing here is that the writing is just part of the job. There's research that goes into this stuff, and I don't want to get lose a days' worth of wordcount trying to wrap my head around molecular orbitals. Call me a glutton for punishment. It'd be relatively easy to just do 10-12 Luffa chapters and call it a month, because I've done that before. I feel like this year needs to be trickier. Also, I really, really want to get Te in the books. I don't think I like the chemical elements more than Luffa, but it is telling that I'm even having that conversation with myself right now.

Luffa 225-234. Of course I still plan to stick with what brung me to the dance. Kakarot is behind me but this fic isn't finished. The problem is that I only have a nebulous plan on where to go from here, and it's coming together a lot more gradually than I thought it would. I plotted a cool scene on my commute this afternoon, so that's a good sign, but I need to be realistic here. Last year went really well because I was writing the Luffa vs. Goku fight that I had been dreaming of for years. Motivation-wise, I've got nowhere to go but down. But I had similar problems in 2018-2020, and I prevailed then.

That Bulma project I was horsing around with. Last year, there was some crank on Twitter getting pissy at anyone who shipped Bulma with any non-canon partners, like there's a rule or something. That kind of inspired me to try to do some shorter works featuring Bulma hooking up with different characters. I didn't get very far last year, but I liked having a side-thing that I could jump into whenever I got stuck with the main work.

You know, thinking about it, I really need to use 2025 to work on some non-Luffa fanfic. In the early years, I worried that working on a longfic would eat up time that I could use for one-shots, and I slowly acclimated to just focusing one thing. But now that the Goku fight is done, the pressure is off to finish Luffa before I die. I mean, it's still not finished, but the Goku fight was a major milestone, and I didn't like the idea of never getting that done.

I mean, I still get kudos on that Caulikale fic I wrote in 2018, and the Gochi thing I did. People like that stuff, and I'm pretty good at making it. Maybe I should run a poll.

I dunno, that's probably enough for now. I should go back to bed. But I feel a lot better about November than I did a few days ago, that's for sure.

[theflyindutchwoman]

You’re my fav person to talk about things with cause I love your perspective and analysis. So I’m back 😂 as I finish my second rewatch

Can we talk about Lucy going to Harper after Tim had to shoot that guy in 5x19 and how worried she was for him 😭 her face when she was like “he’s still talking to IA” that was a worried wifey

And the way she wanted to sprint across the station to him 😭😭😭

ALSO I love that Harper has become someone Lucy can go to, for advice or guidance. She needed that.

And to think that it all started with a sleepy Tim and a teasing Lucy… With the softest kiss ever… Only for the episode to end like that! I was so not prepared.

But you're right, she was the epitome of the worried wife here, with her trembling voice and her fidgeting when she went to see Nyla… She barely even reacted to the potential roadblock regarding her promotion. The second she saw Tim, she forgot about it : his well-being was her priority - which is also why I'm so happy with Tim's suggestion to help her study. The way these two balance each other… And the way she was longing to get to him… I too really thought she was going to run to him. And honestly, she needed the physical reassurance as much as him : she must have been terrified when she heard the gunshot, not knowing if he was okay. It was all over her face and in how she was holding onto his arm when they left the station. It was like she was trying to ground them and to take the pain away from him. Also, when she was talking to Nyla, it was still daylight but when she left the station with Tim, I think it was dark outside… She waited the whole time for him (I seriously doubt she went back on patrol in between).

She was barely holding in together and I love that she went straight to Nyla for some comfort and advice. Their relationship is so underrated but it's so good. Harper started as this lone wolf, who underestimated Lucy at first, until she saw her in action and went straight to mentoring her. And not just for the job… Like here, Lucy knew that Nyla would be honest with her and not coddle her. Even when she wanted to sprint across the bullpen, she listened to her advice to wait. As much as I want more interactions between Lucy and Angela, these two are amazing together and it's great that she has someone who is on her side. And you know, it's interesting how Nyla has been in this position of having to calm and reassure either Lucy or Tim about the other several times already. Like when she wanted to ride with Lucy after Day of Death… She knew she had to convince Tim first - going as far as sharing something really personal, when she barely knew him. Or when Tim was badgering her when Lucy was on her first solo undercover op. He was asking for updates and all when really, he wasn't part of the op to begin with, so he didn't have any valid reasons. He wasn't even her training officer anymore. And yet, she agreed to loop in him and never even commented on it. She was so real for that. I truly hope we'll get to see more of Nyla and Lucy together next season - bonus if we get Angela as well!

And thank you 🥰 I absolutely love reading your messages and reactions, it's making this hiatus so much more bearable! I just need to catch up a bit on my rewatch haha.

[joohanisms]

mds,eu sei que vc deve estar ocupada já com outros pedidos mas eu tenho q fazer esse. Ot6 headcannons com uma s/o que é a última romântica. Tipo,umas atitudes que geralmente são consideradas papel dos homens. Como, insistir em pagar a conta, emprestar o casaco quando tá frio,puxar a cadeira para o outro sentar e meu favorito:Ser a conchinha grande♥️. Eu preciso de conteúdo fluff com essas lendas(finalmente comecei a me aprofundar mais do fandom deles,até comecei a assistir o programa de variedade deles que eu esqueci o nome kkkkk,eu queria ter assistido a um tempão só q meu tdah não permite) eu sou assim com todos esses programas na real.

🎸anon

YASSSSSSSSS AMEI????

xdinary heroes + you're gentlemanly <33

(half written before i went ia [i was So looking forward to this one...])

gunil

omg he's SO flustered. SOOOOOOO FLUSTERED. when you go pick him up for a date

and then he exits his building to see you beside your car with a bouquet.

a bouquet.

he doesn't know what to do with himself

you got him FLOWERS ??????

"hey!" you give him a kiss on the cheek. "how are you, baby?"

he's still rebooting his system

"i... i'm good. great, actually." his eyes keep darting between yyouyur ffgacce and the bouquet. he cant believe you goot him a rose bouquet.

obvisouky you notice how flabbbbergasted he is. man is overloading

"those are for you," you hand him the flowers, "fflowers for the one who makes me bloom every day."

he's going to pass out. he loves you so. so so so so so so so so so much.

jungsu

every time this happens, he ascends. his soul leaves his body.

jiseok

you were out for dinner at a fancy little restaurant.

[stopped writing here :-( point is, you pay for the whole date and he gets very flustered]

seungmin

walking him home? opening jars? hand kissing?

[stopped writing here :-( he feels like a princess]

he's in bed, scrolling through his phone. he's lying on his side so the charger ccorrd can reach his phone.

and suddenly, a warmth, a weight, settles right behind him. a hand rests on his stomach and his legs are being intertwined.

and he goes stiff.

"seung? are you okay? it's just me."

it's obviously you. he knew that from the beginning. hell, he was even expecting you to jumpscare him. he was not expecting to be spooned.

"i know, baby. you just surprised me." he tries to turn around, but your grip on him is unrelenting. "let me turn around so we can cuddle."

"we are cuddling."

hyeongjun

"let me spoon you."

[stopped writing here :-( he feels really small and lovely because you're spooning and holding him]

jooyeon

giving him your coat?

[stopped writing here :-( he's cold and you give him your coat, even though it doesn't really fit him]

carrying something heavy?

[stopped writing here :-( carrying things for him, including his bass, makes him feel very loved and dandy]

[outrunningthedark]

Not a dig at Tarlos, but I think Tim overestimate that the promise (read: dangling a carrot) of a gay wedding would make fandom/viewers tolerate bad writings that follows before it and if I'm being honest a complication to that right at the beginning of the season, a complication with very minimal buildup at that, turns off part of the fanbase and general audience.

Right. I would think the ratings will improve now that Carlos is going to be in trouble because viewers have always appreciated him, but to make a story line about Iris, a character that I'm sure the general audience hasn't thought about since season one (and doesn't have reason to because her sister doesn't work with the 126 anymore)...that was a misstep on Tim's part. And, look, I think we can come with at least one explanation for why he may have wanted to keep his original plan going years later (Iris is able to talk about the stigma surrounding her mental illness, bringing more awareness to the audience), it's just...in a show with a crowded cast...a plot like that is gonna leave a bigger impact if you give it to a main. Iris is here to shake things up and then...she'll be gone. Forgotten.

To echo what you've said, IA that there seems to have been a lapse in judgment re: who LS is writing for. Buddie fandom has no problem coming up with excuses for why something is "good storytelling" even if it isn't universally loved by us and the GA - Buddie was never expected to happen, so we "have to" let the writers adapt as they go along. But Tarlos? The whole point is that they're the anti-Buddie (from a fan's perspective). From day one there's been no doubts about how they label themselves, or how they feel, or who they'll get in a relationship with, and that automatic confirmation/representation made people *want* to watch the story unfold. To decide four seasons later that one half of the couple is already married - to a woman - because of conformity that was never even discussed (not talking to your parents about who you're dating/seeing is a long way from believing they'd like you better if you became a fake hetero husband) is just...WHO thought that would go over well with the audience that praised you for not playing games???

[dokugaholidayexchange]

SIGN UPS DOKUGA HOLIDAY EXCHANGE 2022!!!!

It’s that time of year again: time for the sign-ups for the Dokuga Holiday Exchange! 

I’m sorry it’s late this year, but IRL has been crazy (and not in a good way) so I’ve barely had time to get this post together! But, I can’t let Dokuga Exchange stop after 10 years! So here, we go! 

2 QUICK NOTES:

1. Starting this year Tumblr and Dokuga will be the only place I post reveals. LJ as a platform ia dying, and I think this is best for the long run.

2. You don't have to be a member of Dokuga to sign up! All you need to be is a fan of SessKag as a ship (or a platonic pairing!) It's just called the Dokuga Holiday Exchange because it started there, in the forums nearly a decade ago. For nostalgia purposes, I can't shake that name off, so it's stuck!

To begin: Important Dates of 2022:

October 9th – October 31st: Sign ups for the Exchange

November 1 – The name of your giftee will be sent to you along with the prompt

December 12 – Stories/Art are due by midnight EST UNLESS extension given

December 25 – December 31 - Posting of gifts will begin on the 25th and continue to the 31st until all gifts are posted. This is a tentative schedule and may be expanded if there is a very high turn out.

Guidelines Below the Cut! 

- Please use the following form when signing up:

GUIDELINES!

Dokuga or A03 Username (if applicable):

Tumblr Username (if applicable):

Livejournal Username (if applicable):

Email Address:

Ratings You Are Not Willing To Write/Draw:

Ratings You Do Not Wish To Receive:

Prompts you are requesting in your work:

Are You Willing To Be A Pitch Hitter?:

Age Statement (are you 18+):

Code Word:

- The whole point of this is to be a gift exchange. To get a gift, you must give a gift. If you drop out or disappear, your gift will be given to the group as a whole. Those who disappear without word will be banned from the exchange for one round.

GUIDELINES PART II

- The story/art must be centered around the Sess/Kag pairing. It doesn’t necessarily have to be focused on romance - it can be based on first impressions, friendship, even some sort of hatred. Side pairings are fine, just as long as it focuses on the relationship between Sesshoumaru and Kagome. This is a Dokuga Holiday Exchange, after all!

- Gifted works must be new to the exchange. Sequels to previous works, new chapters to a current story, ‘deleted scenes’ from other stories, or anything related to any of your previous work isn’t allowed.

-The story/art can be any genre, though you should go by the prompts given to you to make your best judgment. If your prompts are vague, do your best to work with them. But please pay attention to what is requested to stay away from. If a platonic relationship is requested, do not give a romantic one. If you have any questions about the prompt requested, you can always ask me for clarification, and I will pass your question or concern on to the appropriate person. Please DO NOT contact your giftee directly as your giftee is not supposed to know who the gift is coming from.

- All ratings are welcome, but if you have a rating that you refuse to write or wouldn’t like to receive, please make note of it whenever you sign up.

-For prompts this year please pick your favorite type of cookie (biscuit): Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal Raisin, Sugar, Shortbread, etc. Your gifter will include that in some form in your gift! 

- When working on your piece, please keep in mind what the recipient wants. If they ask for certain things to be used or not used, please follow them. Usually, there is nothing demanding in the requests; mostly just small things like the type of relationship or universe.

- If you are new to the exchange, please provide a link to a story (in any fandom) that you’ve written that is more than 1500 words. Drabble collections do not count. You can link to a one-shot or even an incomplete epic you’re currently working on, just as long as you can prove that you can meet the word count minimum (which I have lowered to 1,500 words this year because I realize signups opened late!)

- There will be a three strikes policy. I simply do not have the time to go chasing after everyone who signs up for the exchange, therefore there will be a three strikes policy as far as contacts/behavior go. If you ignore/fail to answer any correspondence within one week of sending, you will have a strike against you. Three strikes, you’re gone from the exchange.

- Please add the exchange email (dokugaexchange@gmail.com) to your contacts so you can avoid anything from us hitting the spam filter.

Explanation of Age Statement:

Again I will be asking for a statement of age (example: ’I am over the age of 18’/’I am under the age of 18’). The purpose of this is to prevent minors from gifting or being gifted with works that are rated MA. The official rule on Dokuga is: ONLY users ages 18 and up may read or post MA rated work, 16+ for rated M. As this exchange was affiliated with Dokuga, I have, as cureent mod of the Exchange, decided to follow the same rules on ratings as are followed at the main site. That being noted, if you falsify your age statement you will be removed from the exchange and receive an email notifying you why you were removed.

- It is your responsibility to have your story beta read before you send it in. We are looking for stories that are in their final polished form, not something that is hot off of the press. I simply do not have the time to beta every story that comes in. If you do not have a regular beta, you can look for someone on the Dokuga Forums, or on the SessKag Discord servers.

- Real life does get in the way sometimes, so if you have to drop for any reason please let me know as soon as you possibly can. I understand that you’ve got other obligations, and am not going to be angry with you should something come up. The code word is sugar. I will be angry, however, if you’re putting things off and finally fess up after your second extension and the posting date is looming. Should you drop, with or without word, the gift prepared for you will be shared for the group as a whole. Stuff happens, I get it! I just ask that you inform me and not ignore me. I get it, and I don’t mind working with you, but I can’t help you out, if you don’t tell me why you may need an extension! 

- Should a story come in that does not meet the requirements, the sole mod, me Kaoruhana reserve the right to reject the piece and ask you to correct it. Ignoring this request is grounds for your removal from the exchange. I'm rumning the event myself and just can't edit anything, so maybe we can all help each other out?

- Stories should be sent to the exchange email, dokugaexchange@gmail.com. Either attach it as a googledoc, or add it directly into the body of the email. If anything is sent in any other format, you will be asked to send in the preferred formatting. For art, please send/ post it in the body of the email so that I can easily share it!

- Keeping with the above statement, please don’t give out the name of who you are doing a gift for. Blowing the secret ruins the fun!

- No posting of stories elsewhere until after the big reveal on New Year’s Day. The whole point of a secret gift exchange is to keep it a secret. I will let you know when it is clear to post your stories on your own sites.

- As I am running the exchange, I will not be participating.

- When you send your story/art, please include the following header.

Title:

Author/Artist:

Recipient:

Rating:

Summary:

Original Prompts:

To ensure you have read and understood the rules, please send in the code word when you sign up for the exchange.

And as always, you can reach out to me with any questions on

Dokuga

tumblr

My only request is that you give me at least 48 hours to respond to any message, as I run this entire exchange myself, and well, sometimes, it’s a lot! 

Discord (Kaoruhana (or Kaoru)#9994)Kaoruhana

[jonathankatwhatever]

It’s 30 Oct 2023, and I had so many visions, so much clear thinking that I’m having trouble getting the words to come out. Maybe they’re not ready, because I’m very tired from the play.

I’m shocked by how much energy it takes to write out Joana’s thoughts. I can see why: this is IA//A, inarticulate to articulate, imagery to words, and that act of condensation and expansion occurs over the 1-0Segment, over the connecting End, because we see what’s in front of us, not how what’s in front of us is generated by pairings so what you are, how you look in outfits and makeup, male or female, what you project, what you allow in or appear to allow in, etc. are all these pairings to the Bip constructed End which is you at any moment and thus over your existences in this life.

This is not what I expected to type. I’m very congested. Maybe my inhaler would help.

The sort has to be negative. I’m giving up trying to control what comes out. The sort being negative means a diagonalization which identifies Not by flipping each count to its inverse, meaning 1 is 0 and 0 is 1. That guarantees a Not fit to any identifiable thread and any existence along the progress of that thread, which means Is generated out of fCM, which makes that tipping possible because it provides both the O-line and the 50:50, which is also 2:1, which connects to the D-structure of this appearing as D1-2//2-1 as it scales. So the 50:50 in fCM matches the I//I, which thus clearly invokes the Brick conception plus Halving/Doubling.

How to reach 50:50 when so much is by 2 in fCM? This is similar to the question why count to 4 so we reach 12 so we bundle Triangular into a grid square, which thus invokes Triangular over grid squares, which becomes the creation mechanism and I don’t remember ever seeing that before though I’ve made lists of CM notation meanings. Creation Mechanism is perfect. Especially as part of the HC. Generative in a Genesis form. Let there be established a count and, lo, that count provides a basis, a frame which maps the inversions of that count, large and small. In the beginning, there was the potential for a count, potential created out of Triangular as it rises to meet the higher dimensions descending so our Dimensional Enclosures contain the threads of our existences as we swim forward within that sea of potential which becomes the literal sea. Or as the ancients might say, the wine-dark sea, with all the meaning of alcohol, from ritual to the giving up of self, from inspiration to desperation. Ave imperator, morituri te salutant.

Okay, so that’s yet another really obvious thing I’ve missed. BTW, does this mean I started this whole thing you’re doing now? That would be rich, and very much in keeping.

I knew you were traveling. I can always feel it. But it disappoints me nonetheless. Like maybe I don’t get something really obvious that’s to my detriment, that’s counter, that’s like the diagonalization of everything I believe and you’re the Not to the HC, that which is not Holy, not good, and somehow I’ve been deluded or maybe there’s some other reason why I’ve been lied to, misled, tortured, and so on. It’s annoying because I can’t actually believe that and actually believe what I actually believe. They’re incompatible.

That’s not the same as Irreducible, is it? It is but it’s the same issue as we see everywhere else, including the basics of infinite counting, that it’s a universe conception, that it’s the constructibility of grid squares at the concept of basis and movement, no the threading within which puts that form of Not outside the alliance or other joinder as it has generated. In other words, the generation of a positive, even an epsilon, has roots that can’t be recovered in that basis. That’s obscure. It means the roots are obscured by layers which can’t be unraveled because grid squares construct and thus destruction is a form of construction. You can tear something apart but that doesn’t erase the thing’s existence or the acts, just the visible signs.

The logic of that is sketchy, but it becomes dimensional fast, meaning there are going to be connections which carry aspects of that existence forward. This can be immediate, like it’s a big deal, or it can be cumulative, like this event or existence is typical of, a harbinger of, etc.

I can’t quite reach an important image. It’s that in gs construction using the fT as a side, this means pairing across, meaning the gs forms out of the Bip and to the Bip, which is the relationship of the that form of constructed End to the other basic form of grid Ends. You can then of course switch those around so the grid Ends are now those Bips, and that reveals a basic operation I have never been able to see before, that this process of grid Ends becoming Bips and Bips becoming grid Ends is not only the obvious gs(m) and gs(n), which are necessary for Injection, but now we literally see the mechanism by which this works because we have the constructed Bip End relating to the various grid Ends, with that then being held in tension, which is the 1Space conception in a word. Wow.

I thought that was going to go in a different direction. I saw a Triangular, wondered how it could fit in the grid squares projected sheet, and it moved to the orthogonal, which handled the issue. That immediately constructed each polygon form, in fact each geometry I could quickly run through, because the construction in gs, in those fT bundles as sides, which obviously need notation, is orthogonal.

So imagine a pentagon and there are 5 sides of fT’s rotating away invisibly in the orthogonal. That again focus on counting itself. As in, why 4 is why 5 is why any n? Is these are all versions of that same basis or universe conception which lies at the heart of understanding grid squares, that D4 frames D3 over relations like D4-3//3-4 and D3-4//4-3. The intersection of those, the union of those, forms the set of constructed Bip Ends which act as grid Ends externally. In other words, you are a set of constructed Bip Ends which acts externally among other Bip Ends through the grid Ends. That was very hard to say and I’m not sure I got it right. The idea is that you are a construction and you move in relation to other constructions through grid Ends, where through grid Ends means the potential, the threading related to those grid Ends calculates and thus lays out through the grid Ends. This makes the shadow puppetry of a relationship, of whatever reality between the puppeteer and the puppets extend, including to common control. I’m referring to the cave and the implicit one who makes the fire, who sits between and sees both images. So when that becomes physical on one side, there’s a Platonic abstraction, which I’d bet connects to a solid or other shape, on the other side of I//I.

Let me see: 4 6 8 12 20. Other than halving, the only thing I’ve ever noticed is that a tetrahedron is a 4 count, so we do get to 4 triangles counted like in an fT, and then 6 to a Hexagon, 8 is an octagon, which is the I//I of a grid square and the 2fD fully developed, and 12 is 2Hexes and more, and then 20 is harder to picture. I try winding it and that identifies the far bT in a Hexagon, but I feel there’s something in the 2*10 and the 4*5 concepts of 20. The 4*5 hits me as 4 hands in context, which I can now define as operations that use groups, that use the output or value of groups (which could be that it fluctuates), and that the occurrence of this is within contexts. We identified some of the basic forms, notably Minimum, Immediate, and Larger, along with CM64, which we kept as notation because that bridges the counting side of fCM with the conceptual side of small, medium and large.

The meaning is not fixed: there could be a single dominant hand or a pair of hands, etc. It’s the structure. In detail, it becomes MC is a pairing to pairing conception in which 2 of the quadrants are 1 and the pairing is 0. In IC, that articulates to a Thing, which is later defined, existing versus a non-specified other Thing, which means the other quadrants describe the Pathways running to and from non-specified other Things. This can simplify to the space between objects, like a packing space.

See? I couldn’t produce until the traveling connection shifts. Then it’s like the dam bursts, with all that energy which has been circulating in short threads now organizing - this gets into Ramsey Theory - so they come out in longer sustained descriptions and insights.

The 2*10 concept seems fairly easy but I usually think of all these in terms of gs, not bT. Can I switch? That’s confusing. I can draw a line of bT. I can wrap them or not. I can make a cool shape: it’s 3 Hexagons with 2 bT teeth sticking up and 3 bT teeth sticking down (or vice versa), so these attach. That makes the same pattern if you attach at the bottom or top. Can also do a sideways version. If I draw out a basic figure that takes a bT and expands that, I get 3fT tied together with a single bT attached. I count the 3fT together as 9gs using the fD to gs 1:1 counting. That means this becomes SBE3+ the 1 formed by Attaching that 10th bT. Part of the beauty of that is that image is a Triangular around a Hexagon with that 10th bT attached. I stick it opposite another bT, so this inverts over. It thus acts as a sort of shorthand for a larger construction of 18 plus the connecting gs, which idealize to 3 more for 21 total.

Now I’m seeing the fT relations and thus the 2 views, meaning flips over the space. That leads a cool image, which is an fD built out on each side alternately, making 2 examples of 10 map to an fD. I think that’s a winner.

The reason I equate fD to gs 1:1 is that the 1-0Segment divider pulls apart and has pulled apart to be a 1-0Segment, and that means it splits in 2, meaning it then can flow in either direction, and the intervening pair is thus reduced to that which fits the flow connecting the pairing. That’s a bit more sophisticated than the old work version.

I have to go to the laundromat. In the rain. My life is fun. At least the fireplace turned on, so there’s heat for the next 2 months. I’ve decided to start by packing the art and taking apart the girls’ room furniture, if I think that makes it easier to move and maybe store.

In other me news, I am dramatically better at balls of the feet movement and balance doing all sorts of ordinary and cool stuff. That’s also dramatically improved movement in my knees while making hops and jumps painless.

[wack-ashimself]

They added an 'IA' to LGBQT? There's so many fucking letters already. And the 2 new ones, intersex and asexual, you would THINK could easily be done by the other letters. At least implied since everything else is covered (trans seems intersex adjacent. And being you cover every sexuality but straight, no sexuality can also be safely assumed.)

Fuck, this time in 10 years they'll be using the whole alphabet just to say 'not straight.' I know they're trying to cover all bases/be inclusive but...was there really an outcry for this? Different from the norm doesn't demand answers...unless you wanna give them.

I dunno. As a straight white guy, I don't give a fuck about any of those attributes*. I didn't choose to be a white or guy. And never been gay, but if I met the right man, who the fuck knows? I am open for love, but I don't need a label to say which love. Sure, if someone I'm not attracted to hit on me, I'd be uncomfy, but as long as they respected the no, I respect them for putting themselves out there. That is TOUGH. Takes a lot of courage.

My point with all this is when you label yourself (no matter the label) you limit yourself AND how you can be perceived. We label everything so we know how to treat it. Cuz we lazy. But it's a double edged sword: you get the good with the bad. The truth with the stereotypes. Cuz that's what labels give you: a set definition, accepted by most, on how to be acknowledged by others, usually different than you. That can be helpful & hurtful.

Ha. That's why I'm going to make up entirely new words as labels for myself. That way, I DEFINE them and others have to ask me to define it for them; NO misunderstanding of the meaning or what I want to come across as.

*sure, some do define sexual attraction, but nothing else. That's what's always confused me about this movement as a whole: why is your sexuality and who you fuck the MAJOR definition of who-you-are? That's why I brought up being a straight white guy: you think I use ANY of those words when I first meet people to describe myself? FUCK NO. <maybe during a/s/l times ha!>Those are....tiny bits of who makes me who I am; not the major parts. And I know: you were and still are oppressed. And you should speak up and fight for your rights; I am 100% on your side. But being oppressed for who you are, being proud of who you are, and defining who you are by your sexuality are kinda 3 different things to a degree, but you're putting them all in the same basket. And they don't all weigh the same... however, I, as the person described above, have no real dog in this fight, and can't even begin to assume I know what to do/what is right. I just think we can all get along and find more common ground instead of pointing out every fucking difference. We will always ALWAYS have more in common than different. Tower of babel is proof: us working together is the threat; anything else only enables the establishment.

[bollywood143114]

Two marriages, a bold scene at the age of 65! The controversial life of Annu Kapoor

Annu Kapoor: There will be few people who have not seen the musical Antakshari on TV. Bollywood actor Anu Kapoor served as the host of this show. Beginning her Bollywood career with the 1983 film Mandi, Annu Kapoor gained real recognition for her film 'Utsav', which won her the Filmfare Award for Best Performance in a Comic Role. Annu Kapoor, who aspired to become an IAS when she was young, knew that she would one day become such a popular actress. Annu Kapoor celebrates her 67th birthday today. In that situation, let me tell you a few special things about his life today. Bollywood actress Annu Kapoor's childhood was spent in poverty. Financial constraints shattered his dream of becoming an ISS, and in his early days he made a living as a tea stand. In addition, he suffered from financial difficulties to the extent that he sold lottery tickets. Priyanka Chopra refused. Annu Kapoor was one of her seven husbands in Priyanka Chopra's film 'Saat Khoon Maaf' which made her a distinct identity in Hollywood. But something happened during the filming of this movie and there was a lot of controversy after that. It actually started when Annu Kapoor said that Priyanka Chopra rejected her intimate scenes with him. Not only that, Annu Kapoor explained the reason why, she said Priyanka did this because she doesn't look good herself and she's not a hero either. Had he been a hero, Pisci might have done this to him. It can be seen that this controversy has continued for a long time since Annu Kapoor's remarks. Bold scenes at 65: – FYI, Annu Kapoor has shot so many daring scenes in Alt Balaji's web series 'Paurushpur' that she never filmed in her lifetime. Her character of Annu in the series was much discussed because she filmed an intimate scene with an actress several years younger than him. At the age of 65, she said that after such a scene, people's attitude towards him changed and this series also caused a lot of fear. Annu Kapoor has been married twice. But even after his second marriage, Annu Kapoor suddenly became attached again to his first wife, Anupama. Not only that, he used to sneak to meet Anupama. But after some time his second wife Arunita started to suspect him and soon she knew the whole truth. Upon learning the truth, Arunita decided to break up with Annu Kapoor, and the two reportedly divorced in 2005. Then, after breaking up with Arunita, in 2008, Annu Kapoor married again to his first wife Anupama. Urfi Javed shared a video of getting out of bed early in the morning and the actress sleeps wearing only this outfit DISCLAIMER We’ve taken all measures to insure that the information handed in this composition and on our social media platform is believable, vindicated and sourced from other Big media Houses. For any feedback or complaint, reach out to us at bollywoodofindiaa@gmail.com Read the full article

[gaminegay]

Umbrella Academy is good but is anything gonna measure up to that 1st season start???

[sourstars]

cheers to you & i

Love has a funny way of working itself into one’s life, and in doing so, upheaving everything they’ve ever known — but you suppose it’s always had its reason. So, with that in mind, you learn to reroot yourself, and finally, say goodbye.

navi / masterlist

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REQUESTED BY: @sincerelykore​ / “hello my love !! CONGRATS ON 100 !!! IT IS MORE THAN DESERVED ‘N ‘M SO PROUD OF YOU !!! as for the request— what about sugawara + lilac (the color), if you can !!”

SUGGESTED LISTENING: nothing / sad n stuff by lizzy mcalpine and pure love by mother mother

AUTHOR'S NOTE: i think we’ve all loved someone who we always wonder about somewhere down the line, and i think we’ve all loved someone so purely, that when it didn’t work out, our hearts are tired. this, is my heart getting rest. // big thank you @smoochiesdiarie @frogtanii and @chimielie who beta’d this, y’all are angels <3

WORD COUNT: 1.4K

WARNINGS: fluff and angst, post rejection healing/recovery?? post time skip but no spoilers whatsoever

PAIRINGS: Sugawara Koushi x gn!reader

↳ BEST FRIENDS TO ALMOST LOVERS ↲

Soulmates didn’t exist.

This was a belief you’d grown into early on, you think, when the first boy you’d truly loved broke your heart.

And when the world moved on after, it only confirmed your fears — but you had to be honest; Sugawara Koushi was purity in human form. With a smile that equaled all the stars in the universe, loving eyes and a heart that rivaled the definition of honesty, it was not unbelievable that loving him was easy.

In truth, it was, but when the hourglass of time ran empty for you both, you wished you’d told him the things you should’ve.

You wished you’d told him the truth, and maybe that truth might’ve changed it all, but today is the first day the house truly feels empty. The walls of his old room are stripped of their previous memories; posters and photos all tucked away neatly into boxes that are stacked beside the front door, and you are sitting on the bed.

It’s uncomfortable and stiff and a little cold, but you remain, hands tucked into the pockets of your red hoodie while you stare up at the plastic stars that you both once spent the whole day pressing onto the ceiling, and you feel the daydreams you once desperately wanted, begin to vanish.

It’s tiring work to feel so many things but you’d like to think that between all of the hello, I’ve missed you’s and goodbye, I’ll see you again’s, there was some sprinkle, some form of love — some space in which the distance of your universes crossed each other and explained that this is a bond to last forever.

That this is something that doesn’t just die.

Except the thing about love, you know, is that it can grow easily, and that alone makes you fidget, curling your fingers into your palms as you listen to Sugawara and Asahi shuffle around the living room.

Love has always been something that could grow in the absence of hands, and hearts, and where do I go from here now that you are gone, and it could become a wild thing; a beastly creature with a good heart but a bad temper and a clock that was always a minute too little, too late.

But when you give a beast a name, you give it power.

So when you felt the beast who desired a name — that vile, cruel thing creeping up on the back of your neck — you decided to pretend it wasn't there.

You pretend you don’t know how he took his coffee, how he’d hold the mug with both hands because it’s too hot but he’d admit he just can’t wait to taste the sweetness. You pretended you didn’t know how every morning he’d gotten this little routine with the tiny four leaf clover statue that sits on the brick fence next to your door - how he’d head out, placing two fingers to his lips and then to the tiny statue as a sign of saying I don’t know if I’ll ever be lucky but it’s good enough to try before he embarks on his day.

You pretend you don’t still love him, because loving someone is easy until it feels like you can’t breathe, oceans upon oceans of siren calls to shore; an ache so familiar it signals to your heart the direction toward home.

You pretended you didn’t love him because if you let him see you did — that you do, you’re afraid he’d still choose to go.

But you are a person for details so when he tells you he’s leaving, wanting to take the chance to achieve his dreams, forcing the three valuable words to die on your tongue like a sickly sprout, you let him go.

Because despite living with him for four years, despite loving him for all he’s worth when the days were darker and loving was harder, despite him never once loving you back in the same way, you know you do not have it in you to pretend you don’t wish him a life of glory.

But the paranoia in your heart tells you that you are nothing but a dreamer; an Alice in which love is the wonderland, and with the stars gazing down on you, through the haze of wonder and curiosity, all you see is purple.

It clouds your vision all the way up from when you drag yourself off of his bed to the moment you’re in the driveway, the last box being tucked away for its next adventure while you cradle the four leaf clover statue in your palms.

“Here.” You offer it to him, the clay cold underneath your fingers as a soft laugh leaves you, “Who am I to break tradition?”

“Are you sure?” Sugawara’s eyes widen, hands slowly grabbing the gift from you as if it was the most fragile thing in the world, “If you wanna keep it, you ca—”

Your hand comes up to shush him, waving him off as you shrug, “It’s alright. I make my own luck anyway,” And the matching grins that fall upon you both are nothing less than mischievous.

It takes a few more minutes to get the boxes settled into the back of Asahi’s truck, and when it's all said and done, there are eyes watching your figure as if waiting for something, and that's when you pause.

There are hundreds of possibilities on how this could end but none of them sit well so instead you imagine there is a line of string pulling you to him, tugging closer until you are in front of him and then suddenly, the world stops.

He is looking at you like he knows your heart’s history, and you know he does; a catalog of all those loved and lost before and when he opens his arms for a hug, it is no wonder you sink into it, and he smells like cherries and a new home and I will still be here, always so finally, when you catch Asahi ducking back into the truck, out of earshot, you tell him the truth.

“I love you,” you say, earnestly, honestly, “And goodbye.”

And he smiles, warm and bright, his response unwavering but always true in the way that Sugawara Koushi just is, “I love you, too. But not goodbye, just… see you later.”

And you know he means it, because Sugawara is no liar and love does grow easy, but it always grows differently and if he loves you, he loves you in a way that is never less to yours, and what can you do but let your soul do what it must to heal?

There is anger, and pain, and heartbreak, and healing that swirls all at once in the pit of your stomach, but this time you see it; the world is not only purple; it is not only inexperience or indecisiveness or even only unpredictability — it is pink and yellow and blue and red and green and it is beautiful, and you know the tug in your heart is the same as his, and you think you’ve finally come to know what it means.

It's a truth you must carry as you watch him being driven off, his head sticking out of the window as he shouts to you the beginning of the phrase you can never forget, the promise solidified in his tone, “You and I?”

And with your heart aching and overflowing, you finish it all the same, your hand coming to quickly wave him off, “The crossing of universes!”

His heart is not half to yours, it’s not you are the one who completes me in the grand scheme of things, but it is the intangibility; it is the way it’s hard for you to tell which parts of you are him and which are not. It is the way in which you cannot tell which parts of him helped parts of you to grow, but you know that he will always be with you, always be a part of you that tells you to never stop loving, even when it hurts, because hurting and having loved is infinitely better than never having loved at all, and the bracelets that holds that truth, that one promise, will always be the constant reminder that you have done, and will do so.

Because yes, you are a dreamer.

But dreamers must always remember the world that exists below the clouds, beyond the horizon. And yes, you may be amongst the softness of the sky, but you are now a dreamer who remembers how to land.

Because soulmates don’t exist, but if anything was to have come so close…

You know it’d be Sugawara Koushi, and to you, he’d always be remembered as purple.

reblog are appreciated!!

[ritchieblackless]

Ranking of the Easy to Hard Greg Lake (with ELP) songs to play on guitar. {That no one asked for}

7. Lend Your Love To Me Tonight [Easy peasy. Lovely selection of chords and a very simple but Greg-ish strumming. But, you know... the lyrics of this one]

6. Lucky Man [This one is tricky. Ia actually particularly easy if you are doing the live versions which is his signature strumming pattern but it gets complicated if you want to do the studio version since they are all arpeggios. But overall is one of the simplest.]

5. Closer To Believing [Okay maybe the guitar is not so predominant in this track but there is a lovely arpeggio going on that is very Greg-ish. I believe is a 12 string guitar. The arpeggio by just hearing it I can tell that is not so simple but at the same time it is.]

4. Watching Over You [Okay, after crying over this song I come to realize that is a complex arpeggio but is repetitive, so, once you get to master it, becomes easier. The only thing that can be difficult to master is a little bass walk that he does in the 6th string while keep playing the arpeggio when he sings the second 'Watching Over You' The nice thing about this one is the strumming section after the arpeggio and that is when the song becomes easy. Again... the lyrics.]

3. From The Beginning [Well, it can be mastered with time. Is not that easy but also is not that difficult. It does requires skill but the good thing about Greg Lake songs is that you learn the required skill for playing the song BY ACTUALLY PLAYING the song. So, the key thing is the intro, then the verses repeat]

2. Still You Turn Me On. [This, I can tell by experience, is hard. This shit is hard. And more hard if you want to sing as you play like he does. The song is full arpeggios, using the hybrid picking (which is just using your free fingers to pick the strings on the strumming hand) and the signature Greg Lake picking (which is hum... picking the strings all in downstrokes first and then he goes up using alternating picking which is up and down in different strings, like you do a down stroke in one string and in the next to do an up stroke.) IT IS MORE EASY than my explanation I swear.

The whole thing with Still You Turn Me On is the perfect picking. He just doesn't miss a note. The melody is perfect and once you learn the beautiful chords and memorize each finger position it gets so addictive to play.]

1. The Sage [Pretty obvious, huh? I can't actually give you a full opinion on this one because I haven't started to learn it yet BUT I can tell you why I put it in the first place.

The chords that he is using are quite unusual and some of them are open (which mean that it has strings open, not being pressed) and that means you will need to mute some open strings with the flesh of the fingers and that is difficult to do. The other thing about The Sage is true perfect timing between the voice and the guitar, you need the vocals to play The Sage or you will get lost. Then the fast hybrid picking in the improvised solo and the dynamic (which I think is most important part) There are parts that he plays softly but without lowering his intensity and then he plays louder and softly again going back and forth with the volume of his playing. The same happens with the vocals.

Is the same principle of his signature picking for the arpeggios.

Honesty, it is a lovely tune to play on guitar once you have master it. It can take sometime, yes, but that is a challenge that pushes you to learn the song.]

[jaehyunsuh]

nct ot23 reaction to: how they would act around their only girl member (in nct) during nct 2020

masterlist

go to the ask box to send questions♡ you can interact as much as you want !

TAEIL

TAEIL

to be honest I think he would be a little bit shy at the beginning.

but since he is the eldest he would do the most to make her feel comfortable and safe.

he would let her know that she can go to him if she ever needs anything.

he would help her a lot when it comes to music and signing, since he is really talented she would rely in him.

JOHNNY

since the second that she crosses that door he would be extremely nice amd caring.

he would also make sure that she always feel good and comfortable.

he would be one of the members to talk a lot when she comes for the first time.

he would ask lots of questions about where are you from and stuff like that.

TAEYONG

this little baby he would be a little ahy at first.

since he is a leader and he oftens likes to take care of people, he would also be like that with her.

he would let her know that she can come to him anytime, for any advice or anything.

he would be honest with her and would tell her that being an idol (and in this situation) is really hard and it’s not easty.

he would come to her when she is lonely, he would try to be her mentor like he did with sungchan (did u y’all saw that video? is the cutest thing ever:(( )

YUTA

at the beginning he would be super observing to see if he should trust her or not.

after that phase he would notice that she needs some guidance and help since she is new.

he would slowly start to build a nice relationship with her.

he would act like an older brother honestly, someone who can help her and make her feel protected, even with thing about her private life.

he would always give her advices and have deep talks about life and about things that she should be focused on.

he would just be such a nice person.

KUN

we all know that he is naturally caring and kind, and he just takes care of people always.

this time it wouldn’t be any different.

he would be so polite when he first meets her.

he would talk to her and make her feel comfortable. He would tell her things like that all members are nice, that they are good people and stuff.

he would warn her about not getting unto trouble with the company like not giving spoilers and doing certain stuff.

he would tell her to be careful because there’s mean people out there.

he would give a whole class about how to have control over the sasaeng situation because it’s hard for all membersz

he would always check on how ahe is doing, if she needs any help. He is just so nice I can’t!!

he would probably cook for her too. I just love domestic kun, I’m sorry

DOYOUNG

do I have to say it? He is gonna be the number 1 guide, and it would definitely feel like a touristic guide lol.

he would probably be the first one to say hi, ask her name, age, country and all of that basic information.

he would honestly be really really excited to have someone around that he can take care of and show all the stuff that being an idol is about.

when being in the company he would show every single studio, bathroom, garden, just pretty much every place.

he would help her on her singing (if she is a singer idk) and he could spend hours on just helping her.

when not doing schedule together for some time, he would definitely invite her to have dinner every once in a while so she can update him.

he would just always be so supportive and cheer for her.

he would watch every show that she ia on and later text her about how well she did.

TEN

he would be just so so nice.

he would know her for two seconds and then automatically become best friends.

he would ask her a lot of questions to make her feel comfortable.

if they end up having the same taste in music or something, he would be ao excited about and he would love to have some to talk to about this.

I think he gives great advices, so he would be honest with her and talk about all the things that come with being an idol.

I think he would always make sure that she is taking care of her mental health, and he would tell her to come to him if she needs anything.

he would definitely help her with her dancing. He doesn’t mind at all helping and making her feel better about something that it’s being hard for her.

JAEHYUN

he would be really curious and kinda excited about it since he never expected a girl to be in the group.

he would always be really nice and polire around her.

when he meets her for the first time he wouldn’t want to shower her with questions since other members are already doing it lol. He wouldn’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

he would always make cute and nice conversations when she is around.

he would show her cool and new music because she probably likes his music taste.

he would help her with whatever she meeds, she would always listen well to her and give good advices.

probably would invite her to a coffee date or smth to catch up.

WINWIN

he would think that she is so adorable.

he would be kinda shy around here ar first.

he wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable when she first arrives, but after he would come to her and introduce himself.

he would always be so nice.

when she is around, sitting somewhere alone, he would go and talk to here.

he would slowly become friends with her and he would feel really comfortable around her.

everyone would be jealous because he is actually so caring and cute just with her lol.

he would always give her advices and let her know that she can count on him om whatever she needs.

JUNGWOO

he would be really really excited.

when he meets her for the first time he would be all over the place, he would ask her a lot of questions. He would make her feel so nice and welcomed.

she would become his little sister and he would protect her from anything or anyone !!

he would always invite her to hang out and like that grow closer to him and other members as well.

he would talk to you about how to be safe when dancing.

he would also tell you not to stress to much and take care of your mental health before anything else because he wouldn’t want you to become upset or anxious.

LUCAS

he would feel really excited that there’s someone that he can take care of.

he would be really welcoming and nice when first meeting her.

he would teach her moves that she is lacking om, he would give her advices on how to do better at singing and dancing.

he would always check on her, her health, her psychical condition, he would just want her to be okay.

he woud warn her about the crazy people that could be mean to her or the ones that would be fake and just be friends with her just because she is famous.

MARK

at first he would be a little bit ahy because he wouldn’t know how to approach them properly.

but after he gets to know her they would form a cute bond because you know, it’s mark lee, who doesn’t love mark lee?

he would end up being kinda close to her (like I imagine he is to kang mina) and he would really value that friendship.

he knows how it is to take care of someone because dreamies have always felt support in him and have always consider him an older brother.

som naturally he would have that relationship with her.

without wanting to he would always check on her and see how she is doing.

even if they don’t hace schedule together he would always be in communication with here to see what she is up to.

he would help her with anything, singing, rapping, dancing, performing. Whatever she needs, he is available to give her an advice.

XIAOJUN

he would be so freaking cute, i’m so soft by just imagining it.

he would be really kind and polite, kinda like jaehyun at first.

he would come to here when she is alone so like he would feel more comfortable to establish a nice conversation and get to know her better.

he would always make sure that she feels good and comfortable.

he would give her a lot of techniques and advices on how to sing better.

I feel like he would have litlle inside jokes together and would laugh a lot about it.

HENDERY

he would be really excited about, he seems like he likes to make new friends so he would like to have someone to talk to.

he would talk to her a lot and make sure that they become close.

they would laugh a lot together because you know, it’s hendery.

he would convice her on doing pranks on other members and tell her that she is gonna be fine and not get in trouble lol.

he would convince her on playing games with him.

he would be a really good friend and always be there for her even with things that don’t have to do with their carrers.

RENJUN

he would be a little bit shy at first but hw would feel good to have someone around his age.

he would be really really friendly.

I think he likes to make people feel well and welcomed, so he would do his to always make her feel good, be included a build a nice bond.

he would always talk to her and laugh a lot.

he would ask her to hang out.

he would be a really sweet friend and he would always give her advices.

he would show her his art and he would ask her if she wants to try too, and later he would teach her how to draw and paint .

JENO

I feel like he is one of the sweetest and nicest people so I think he would want to give her a nice welcome and make sure that she feels comfortable.

he would always talk to her like, always. He wouldn’t want her to feel lonely at any time.

I think he would like to have someone that he can take care of, more in a situation like this where she is new to nct and also that is new to the idol world, he would definitely want to protect her and also give her advices so she can feel okay.

he would always take care of her, kinda like the relationship that he has with doyoung.

also he would protect her from the other dreamies when they are getting too intense.

I feel like he would introduce her to working out with him or the bicycling.

HAECHAN

he would be so freaking excited about. He likes to socialize and make friends so he would like to have someone new to have around.

he would make her feel really welcome.

he would probably definitely be one of the firsts members to approach her when she firsts comes.

he would shower her with questions and he would also tell her the story of his life.

he would love to take care of he and check on how she is feeling.

he would be really honest to her about how it is to be an idol.

he would definitely help her with her singing and dancing.

I honestly think he would be respectful with her and wouldn’t tease her as much as he does with any other member. He would just joke with things that he knows that she is okay with.

haechan KNOWS how to take care of people, he has younger siblings and he is so sweet so he is gonna put that out.

JAEMIN

oh my god he is just such a sweet angel, he would be really happy to have someone new.

he is quiet when first meeting people so he probably would approach her slowly and that way start talking to her.

he will always be soft and caring around her.

he would always ask if she wants to eat something, drink something, if she wants to sit where he is sitting. Just gentleman stuff like that.

this whole thing reminds me that when they were doing the relay cam schedule jaemin exchanged his with sungchan’s, because sungchan didn’t seem so convinced. He changed with him after a second a no one noticed but you can see it in the video. He is just so nice !! this us the type of stuff i’m talking about.

he would always include her in any conversation.

he would always check on any variety show or song that she is on, and later would text her congratulating her.

he would ask her to hang out with the real of the dream member or have lunch together or just do something, all the time!! he just wants her to feel good.

YANGYANG

he would feel like a little kid when he knows someone new is arriving.

he would smile all the time when he is around her.

he would introduce himself and tell her something like they can be friends forever or something.

he would ask her a lot of questions, he would genuinely be really curious about her.

he would make her feel really comfortable, even tho he does crazy and random stuff out of nowhere, he would want her to be spontaneous too.

he would beg her to play with him.

SHOTARO

he is new as well so he would feel good about having someone that went through the same as him.

he would be really freaking nice.

he would be a little shy at first but later he would do the most effort to become good friends.

I think he would let her know that she can count on him for anything.

they both would share about how it was for both of them to debut in nct and be new member.

he would definitely help her in anything that has to do with dancing !!

they would really support and rely on each other a lot.

sungchan x shoraro x her, would have the cutest friendship because they can relate to each other’s feelings.

SUNGCHAN

I think he is shy but he would do the most to have a friendship with her.

he knows how it feels to be new in a large group of people and also new to the kpop industry so he can relate.

he would have deep conversations with her about how they feel with everything that is happening in his life.

he would help her and teach her just like taeyong did with him i’m crying, they are the cutest when they are together.

CHENLE

he would be really really curious, he really wants to socialize.

just like yuta, I feel like at first he would analyze this girl to see if he should trust her or not.

later he would find out that she is nice and safe so it would be okay.

even tho she is older than him he would want her to see him as a protector.

I honestly feel like he would be really really nice to her.

He knows people is rude when you are famous and even more with a girl, so he would talk to her about it.

he would have some deep talks with her.

JISUNG

he would be surprised with the new but he would be curious about having a girl on the group.

he would probably be the most shy out of the 23 people😭😭

obviously the dreamies wouldn’t let him rest until he goes and introduces properly to her.

they would probably ship her with jisung as a joke just to make him feel flustered lol poor boy.

he would slowly find his way to start a nice friendship with her.

the would have a really lowkey strong friendship and everyone would be shocked that they became so close.

but cmon, jisung is actually so nice and friendly, he is always gonna make good friends.

they would have their own inside jokes and it would be the cutest thing ever.

even tho she is older, they have each others back and take care of each other a lot.

he would help her with the dances and would show her some choreographies that he has made.

[dreamhot]

oooh im so interested in reading more of your thoughts about hawaii part ii songs or other tally hall songs :0 /nf

oh man. this is a question

i got into the band around the end of 2016, so . i was never there for their active era, but it was still on the heels of the thos blog not being ENTIRELY ia afaik? or at least not long ia. it meant we were able to get the blog owner's archive, so . i had many materials at my disposal LMAO it was just fun to be into a group that not only had good music, but a wider roster of photo & video content. plus the archive had demos and singles and other things like that

all that to say . it's practically guaranteed that the songs i'll gravitate toward are the ones written by joe, including his solo projects. those are definitely the songs i know the most (don't even get me started on thoughts surrounding ruler of everything and hpii and variations on a cloud like.......) however !! back in 2019, i was able to attend the sonic lunch show in ann arbor where andrew was performing, and we got to hear him play a couple of his songs (you, whole world and you, etc). it was incredibly ngl i may have teared up slightly. we got to say hi and get a picture with him ^_^

this is so vague i'm sorry i just don't know where to begin with them