#The bet on him picking a good cane is half part getting him riled up to actually do it

[in-my-feels-probably]

INEFFABLE - Kaz Brekker

Chapter Thirteen

If you would like to read this on Wattpad, it’s on there as well, my @ is in_my_feels_probably and there’s a few visuals and better descriptions and stuff on there. otherwise, enjoy, let me know what you think, and you can check out my masterlist for updates and more. don’t forget to read the prologue, it’s important to the story!

INEFFABLE – Kaz Brekker

ineffable (adj.) too great to be expressed in words, utterly indescribable; too sacred to speak of. 

Chapter Thirteen

The Crows were ducked away in a shed, as safe as they could be for the moment. Kaz had emptied his pockets, placing everything he had on the table. A couple Ravkan coins and bills, and not much else.

Inej was grimacing. “Is this all we have left?”

She groaned, clutching her side, taking a deep breath. “Jesper, my bag.”

She pulled up her shirt to reveal a deep wound on her abdomen just as Jesper had turned around. He gagged, averting his eyes.

“Mother of Saints.”

Elham chuckled, helping Inej lean back against a stack of hay on the floor so she could have better access to the wound. She lowered her to the ground, helping hold her shirt up, not missing Kaz’s look of concern. She turned back to Inej, watching her grab things out of her bag.

“It’s not healing on its own. I need to stitch it.”

Elham glanced at Kaz and Jesper’s uneasy faces, giving them a grin.

“Don’t worry, I happen to specialize in stab wounds. Granted, I’m normally on the other side of them, but that’s alright, I’ve had enough sticks myself to know how to stitch them up.”

Kaz turned his head away as Elham threaded the needle, handing it to Inej. “How long before you can travel.”

Inej was quick to respond. “Not long. Where?”

“Ketterdam.”

Elham whipped around to face him, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. Earlier, she was so sure that they’d either get the kruge, and she’d be safe from the Menagerie, or they wouldn’t make it back to Ketterdam, and it wouldn’t matter whether they got it or not. But to go back now, and empty handed, she would almost certainly have to go.

“Between our dwindling funds, lack of time, and conflicting interests, it’s time we cut our losses.”

He moved to go outside, and Elham called after him. “Kaz.”

He didn’t look at her, stepping out the door.

“Kaz!”

He was already gone.

Jesper scoffed. “I guess the Bastard misses the Barrel.”

Elham shook her head, willing the tears not to fall, turning her attention back to Inej. “Hey, love. Let’s get this fixed, yeah?”

Inej took a deep breath as Elham grabbed the needle, hooking it through her skin. She pulled the skin taught, trying to get it done as quickly as she could.

Jesper groaned, gagging, having to turn his head.

Inej scoffed. “You can watch a bullet tear through a man, but a needle’s too much.”

“It...yeah, well, you see, bullets are bam, in and out. That’s...just...ugh!"

Elham laughed, letting Inej take the needle and finish it up. Jesper was still groaning.

“Where’d you learn to do that?”

“When I was at the Menagerie.”

“Yeah, but why would you...oh. That’s dark.”

“Which is why I can’t go back.”

Elham’s smile fell from her face, her laughter dying. It was bad enough that Inej had to go through all of that pain, but now it was looking like she would have to as well. She knew she would be able to handle it, and even if she couldn’t, she would go on anyway. Heleen would get what was coming to her one way or another.

Elham swallowed. “You’re not going back. You know that.”

Inej’s eyes clouded, and Elham watched her try and fight tears. She quickly gave her a smile, grabbing her hand.

“It's ok, it's ok! We’re both gonna be fine, yeah? Right, Jesper?”

He tried his best to lighten the mood, but his face was full of pity, and Elham knew in that moment that Inej had told him about her deal with Heleen.

“Yeah, that's right, love. Inej, I bet if you told Kaz that story, I think he’d murder Heleen himself.”

Elham chuckled. “Saints, if he doesn’t, I will.”

---

It was nightfall now, and Inej was well enough to stand and move around. Elham led her outside, where Kaz was sitting on a wooden box, staring into the flames. She led Inej over, before taking a seat next to Kaz.

Inej stayed standing, handing Kaz his cane. “Jesper fixed your cane.”

He took it from her, bringing it close to him. He rested his hand on the Crows head. Elham noticed how he almost seemed more at ease with it, like it was another limb, in the same way that her sword was like another limb to her. And, Saints, did she miss her sword.

He said nothing, not even a thank you, and Elham gave him a look. He sighed, clenching his jaw. Inej turned back to head inside, when Kaz called after her.

“You were right.”

Inej turned back to him. “About what?”

“The Sun Summoner. You were right. She’s real. I played it over and over in my head. None of it’s a trick. The light was hers.”

“So, what? Kaz Brekker finally believes in Saints?”

“Hardly.”

“But you just said that--”

“I said Alina Starkov is a Grisha with the power to manipulate light. She’s a girl with a gift, not some savior of lore.”

“Fine. Kaz, if not Saints, what do you believe in?”

Kaz glanced at Elham, and she held her breath, meeting his gaze. He turned back to Inej.

“Myself.”

Inej scoffed. “Why’d I even ask?”

“And you. And Jesper...and Elham. My Crows.”

“Because we flock to your bidding? Like the animals of vengeance you named us after?”

Elham laughed quietly. “I happen to like crows.”

“Crows don’t just remember the faces of people who wronged them. They also remember those who were kind. They tell each other who to look after and who to watch out for.”

He was talking to Inej still, but he was looking at Elham.

Inej nodded at him, heading back inside. “Thank you, Kaz.”

And then she was gone. Elham was left next to Kaz. They sat in silence for a moment, before Kaz spoke up.

“I knew, you know.”

She faced him, and he was already looking at her. She felt her cheeks heat up under his stare. “Knew what?”

“That you’re a Grisha.”

Her eyes widened, and her face contorted with confusion. “What do you mean you knew?”

“Of course I knew. How could I not? I notice everything about you.”

Elham was hiding a smile now, eyes watering. “Like?”

He scoffed, exasperated.

“Like? Like everything. Like how you run warmer than everyone else. That was one of the first signs. That night I broke my leg, and you had to help me back to the Slat. Your hand touched the back of my neck, and you were warm. Unnaturally warm. I couldn’t figure it out then, but as I put the pieces together over time, it made sense. I guess that’s just another part of you being an Inferni, or just another thing different about your powers than the other Inferni.”

Elham felt a tear roll down her cheek.

“I think you being warm to the touch helps. When I touch people, and their skin touches mine, it’s like I’m back in the harbour with those bodies again. Cold. It’s so fucking cold, and it makes my skin crawl. It’s like rubbing against sandpaper. But when I touch you...it’s not like that. It’s still difficult for me, but not unbearable.”

She was in awe of his words, but he kept talking about the other things he noticed about her, rambling.

“Like how you like to rile Jesper up, just to get a reaction out of him. Like how you sit in that chair in my office in the most uncomfortable position you could possibly be in, just to spite me. Like how you were fearless when you offered yourself up in Inej’s place to Heleen, because you’re just that protective over your family. Like how you’re ruthless when you’re the Valkyrie.”

She could feel the tears streaming down her face, but she ignored it, listening..

“How could I not notice all of that? I mean, Saints, El, you’re...you’re--”

She caught her breath, asking. “I’m what?”

“You’re fucking ineffable.”

He took his cane and tapped the end of it to her ankle, the faintest smile on his face.

“I missed doing that.”

She felt a sob catch in her throat, and she quickly wiped at her eyes. Her mind was racing, she couldn’t think of the right words to say. He beat her to it.

He murmured. “I have something for you.”

He pulled a sword out from under the bench. She gasped as he picked it up and unsheathed it. It was absolutely beautiful. The hilt was pure matte black, with shining silver engraved all throughout. It was heavy in her hand, the weight familiar. She sheathed it, turning to him, in awe.

“I found it in the Darkling’s carriage, under one of the seats. Figured it was fitting for you to have it.”

Elham belted it around her waist, strapping it to her back through the harnessing on her back.

“Thank you, Kaz. I really missed having one.”

He almost grinned. “I needed my Valkyrie fully functional again. The Grisha power is a plus, but I’ve always preferred you with a sword. Now, what are you gonna name it?”

She turned to him, confused. “Name it?”

“All of the good swords have names.”

She nodded, pondering for a bit, before a smirk landed on her face.

Inej named her knives after her Saints, Elham would name her sword after her sins.

Afterall, she was no Saint.

“Wrath.”

Kaz scoffed, letting out a dark chuckle. “Wrath. I like it.”

She smiled at him again. “Thank you, Kaz. I mean it.”

He knew she wasn’t just talking about the sword, and that she meant thank you for everything. For sticking with her all those years, for giving her a place in the Dregs, for making her the Valkyrie. For everything.

He just nodded. “Come on, let’s go show Jesper your new sword. He’s a little scared of you with one, did you notice that?”

She giggled, and a grin appeared on her face. Kaz would never admit it, but he loved watching her happy like this.

“Oh, I know.”

---

A/N - i was so excited to write this chapter, it has some of my favorite stuff in it that i wanted to write. not entirely loving it, but it's decent i guess. we still have about an episode and a half of content left, a few more chapters to go. i wanted to get this one out because i know the last one was shorter. i hope y'all liked this chapter, let me know. thank you for the support!