#The Shirley Exception

[marlynnofmany]

In the interest of understanding how people think, I just learned about something called The Shirley Exception.

That's when people vote for something objectively horrible (like, say, a Leopards Eating People's Faces Party), but they assume that surely some exceptions will be made and not everyone's faces will be eaten. Just, like, the right ones.

Because that's how the world works in their experience: they've likely been privileged enough to avoid getting in trouble for any number of minor things, and they tend to think of most hard rules as optional under the right circumstances.

Surely you won't get a ticket for speeding if you just explain why you were in a hurry. Surely the leopards won't eat your face.

Unfortunately for everyone, that assumption doesn't stop the leopards.

[zenosanalytic]

You also see this used the otherway all the time by Republican judges, ie, using even the most tenuous presence of ambiguity in the drafting of a law(or Constitutional Amendment) to argue it out of existence.

The Shirley Exception

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

community characters as “things to never say to someone who just came out”

[thebeigelunatics]

i do actually wonder what plan lamb had in mind by not letting standish resign. every time a new letter appeared, he probably farted on it and chucked it in the bin. but why? (we all know why!) but in his mind, what did he expect would happen? he couldn't have predicted river's parent-trapping/david cartwright needing a babysitter. so did he just expect standish to get fed up and come to slough house to berate him? and then what? did he imagine if he kept rejecting her letters that the park would force a meeting between them to resolve the matter? lamb really behaved like a married man refusing to sign his divorce papers. my dude, STAND UP.

[trobeds]

they shouldve done a community laser tag episode

[smilesrobotlover]

Whumptober day 15- regret

Ok no colored picture today, I just don’t have the strength to color every one 😭 I kinda hate how today turned out but I simply didn’t have time to make it the way I wanted it to. I hope y’all like it tho

No warnings this is a chill one.

~~~~~

Three days have passed for the men in the inn. Resting and doing nothing physically demanding helped the others recover, with Benji walking on his feet again and Ammon acting more like himself. Rusl was feeling much better too, though he was very anxious to get out of the room (though without something to wheel him around, he had to stay in the bed). Overall, staying in one place was good for the group, but Leon was getting worried about rupees again. After what happened last time, he doubted that the others would want to go rupee hunting, but they couldn’t get kicked out. He sighed, deciding to go to the owner of the inn, hoping that he could negotiate with them to let them stay longer.

Leon traveled downstairs, being hit with loud chatter and a humid smell that made him want to retreat, but he needed to do this. He’s messed up several times lately as the men’s leader—he needed to make up for it.

As soon as he entered the restaurant, he nearly got rammed into by a young woman, who mumbled apologies and looked like she was about to have a meltdown.

“I-I’m so sorry,” she whispered, and an older, plump woman walked up to her and rested her hand on her shoulder.

“It’s ok sweetie, just keep goin’.”

Leon gave the young woman the warmest smile he could muster, and she ran off into the kitchen, leaving him alone with the other woman.

“Very sorry about that, sir,” she said, patting his arm. “She’s kinda new.”

“Oh, it’s alright—”

“But ya shouldn’t be loiterin’ around here. You’re gonna get run over by us zippin’ back and forth this place.”

“Oh, I’m sorry–”

“The ‘Night and Day’ performance is comin’ up, so tons of people are visitin’, makin’ us the busiest we’ve ever been!”

“R-Right, well, I’m just looking for the owner of this inn,” Leon explained, wanting to walk away from the rambling woman, but she gave him a look and shifted her feet.

“I’m the owner you’re lookin’ for, what can I do for ya, sir?”

“Oh.” Great.

“Here, let’s move outta the way, honey,” she said, moving him away from the loud tables. When they got somewhere more quiet she put her hands on her hips and waited patiently. Leon swallowed, fearing of how she’d react to his request.

“Listen, the men I’ve been traveling with have… gone through a lot these past few days. We’ve been here for a while but… we need more time. We’re almost out of rupees—“

“You don’t have rupees, you can’t stay, sorry honey,” she cut in, looking like she’s had this conversation before.

“No no, please. A lot of them are injured and the doctors here won’t help!”

“That’s not my problem honey, sorry.”

“Please, I will do anything for you if it means that my friends have a place to stay. Anything.”

The woman paused and raised her eyebrow, looking him up and down.

“Anything, you say?”

Leon nodded, having some hope be rekindled. The woman smiled and nodded.

“Alright. Get some of your friends down here and I’ll tell ya what you can do for me.”

~~~~~~

“This is not what I had in mind!”

Leon stared at the aprons handed to him, Linebeck, and Benji, a disgusted look on his face.

“You want us to… to be waiters?”

The owner of the inn, Shirley, raised an eyebrow and rested her weight on one leg.

“Now I thought you’d do anything to stay longer.”

“I-I mean—“ Leon ran his hand through his hair and huffed. He did say he’d do anything, but he thought he’d kill monsters or kick out rude guests! Not… this!

“Listen, I said that the Night and Day performance nearby has made us busy, so busy that my only waitress is gonna break down any moment! We could use all the help we can get!”

Leon sighed and glanced at Linebeck and Benji, who both looked regretful in volunteering themselves for whatever Leon needed.

“Of course. Sorry. I’ve just… I’ve never done this before.”

Shirley laughed and punched his arm. “You’ll get used to it. You’re a strong man too, I think you’ll do fine.” Shirley suddenly grabbed all three and began to shove them out the kitchen. “Now get out there boys! We have the whole place booked!”

“Wait wait!” Linebeck yelled before they left the kitchen. “What the heck do we do?”

“Ask them what they wanna eat and drink and write it down, honey! Now go!”

The men all yelped as they were pushed out, and they stared at the crowded dining room, it looking more like a battlefield than anything. Leon sighed and attempted to put the apron on while Linebeck and Benji glared at him. Leon sighed and struggled to tie a knot, which Linebeck finished off for him.

“I… um… I’m sorry guys,” he muttered, and they rolled their eyes, splitting up to deal with the loud customers screaming at each other.

Leon had dealt with hard things in his life, but being a waiter was the hardest and most humiliating thing he had to do. Everyone was loud, rude, and disrespectful, and Leon would always give them a piece of his mind if they gave him trouble. Yet for some reason, “back-talking” the customers was a wrong thing to do. In his era, if the customers said one thing that angered the workers, they’d be kicked out. It was almost bizarre at how he wasn’t treated like a person, and instead a machine that did whatever they desired.

Unfortunately, Leon was terrible at hiding his true emotions, so whenever a customer made him upset, he made sure they knew. And he would get in plenty of trouble for it. This was why he was the first knight, and not a waiter. At least if his men were being stupid, he would tell them and they’d knock it off—here, he wasn’t allowed to call anyone stupid to their faces, no matter how much he wanted to.

By the end of the day, he was absolutely exhausted. His feet, legs, and lower back were aching, and he was relieved when it grew empty. His whole body felt like it wanted to kill him for what he put it through, and his mind kept running from everything he had to see and listen to that day. Goddesses he was so overstimulated…

“Well, I must say, I don’t regret hirin’ you guys,” Shirley said, a proud smile on her face. “This day went pretty smoothly if ya ask me.”

“That was the worst day of my life,” Leon said breathlessly, staring blankly at a wall. Shirley let out a laugh and slapped his shoulder playfully.

“Try goin’ through that with just one server. Trust me, you guys helped a lot.”

Leon nodded, at least grateful that it was over, and that he and the others didn’t have to pay to stay anymore. He’d go through that again and again for his friends.

“Lucky you guys, you’ll have to go through all of it again tomorrow at sunrise!” Shirley said cheerily, and Leon sighed. Actually, maybe he was having second thoughts.

“Well I think today was great!” Benji shouted, bouncing a little bag around. “Look at all this tip money! I must say this was the best decision I’ve ever made!”

Leon stared. “Tip money?”

“Yeah. You see Leon, when you’re nice to the customers, they actually pay you! Isn’t that something?”

Leon rolled his eyes and Linebeck stepped up next to Benji, with his own rupees in his hands.

“Yeah the money is nice, but it still sucked,” he whined, counting the rupees. “How are you so… energetic after that?”

“Not the first time I’ve been a waiter,” Benji simply explained, “though it’s been a while, but I forgot how much I enjoy talking to people.”

“Well I’m glad you’re at least enjoying yourself, Benji,” Leon mumbled, “We’re going to be doing this until everyone feels better.”

Linebeck groaned and Benji only shrugged. “Well good thing my ankle feels better.”

Leon nodded, knowing the others would not be able to handle this. It was just them three.

“Well, you boys did good today,” Shirley said, wiping her hand on her apron. “You all can work here as long as ya need. We open first thing tomorrow though, so be ready, you hear?”

Leon nodded. “Thank you. I know I was complaining earlier but you have no idea how much this helps us.”

Shirley laughed again. “Well you have no idea how much this helps me, so consider us even. Now get some rest. You’re going to need it for these next few days.”

Leon winced and nodded, getting up and leading the other two to their room. He gave a nod to the other waitress who was named Erika. She nodded back and smiled, waving goodbye as they dragged themselves up the steps to their rooms.

“Can someone tell me why we decided to get a room on the third floor?” Linebeck complained, groaning as he lifted his tired legs onto the next step.

“Well I’m sorry we didn’t get the luxurious bedroom on the first floor! We were kinda desperate!” Benji said sarcastically.

“How’d you guys get Rusl up here anyways?” Leon asked, reaching the end of the stairs.

“I dunno, Talon’s freakishly strong. He kinda scares me,” Benji answered, resting with his hands on his knees and panting.

“Well, at least you all got him up here safely.” Leon opened the door to their room, where he saw Kass and Ammon resting on the couch. The two stood up and walked over to them, worried looks on their faces.

“Where were you guys? We were getting worried,” Ammon said. Leon opened his mouth to say something but Benji walked past them and plopped himself on the couch, instantly falling asleep. Ammon looked between Benji, Leon, and Linebeck who was leaning against the doorway with a baffled look on his face.

“We found a way to stay longer,” Leon simply explained, walking to the couch and laying on the ground. “You all have nothing to worry about…”

He heard a chuckle come from someone, and the weight of a blanket being laid on top of him was felt, relaxing him further.

“Get some rest then,” he heard Ammon say, a hint of amusement in his voice, and Leon closed his eyes, falling into a deep sleep.

[chicago-geniza]

The Martha and Isidore Levinson Sex Therapist AU is one of the funniest fanfictions I've ever read, I am having the time of my life

[gin-juice-tonic]

i tried to have a hercule poirot movie on in the background while i worked but i cannot understand a darn thing that man says

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i feel like i should start making more of an effort, when i talk about something in a piece of media being Upsetting to me, to distinguish between 'cathartic' upsetting and 'gave me psychic damage' upsetting. sometimes i mean OUGH OW MY FEELINGS THIS FUCKS ME UP IN A MEANINGFUL AND RESONANT WAY, MY LIFE IS ENRICHED FOR BECOMING AWARE OF IT and sometimes i mean that it is genuinely distressing and i want to shake the creators and ask what the fuck they were thinking

[nizynskis]

Guess who made a cake with powdered sugar that turned out to actually be salt

[seizethedeansofproduction]

tag urself!!

[vulpinesaint]

feeling pretty much pleased as punch. tbh

[july-19th-club]

how to make a character who sucks so bad and nobody likes him but he is genuinely a good protagonist (good as in interesting, maybe on a rare day good as in decent but also, just like, an incredible jackass) . i need to make him worse i need to make him MEANER!

[theangrypomeranian]

I'm listening to an audio book for Anne of Green Gables and Anne Shirley is positively charming 😍I love her 💜

[wakewithgiggli]

There's a big thread there that is very worth a read.

[revoltinglesbians]

Sometimes I watch a show that aired twenty years ago and wish tumblr was watching it with me because I’m going crazy over themes and allegories and character arcs all by myself