#TenzSaku

[dimigexwrites]

Crash and Burn - Healing Hands, chapter 13

A03, FF

This amazing art is from @tammi25 who created it for me as part of a giveaway. Look how soft and precious they are together! Also

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Sakura opened her eyes to darkness, dizzy with confusion and the lack of sleep. A memory drifted through her fingers, too tenuous to capture, as she blinked at the clock on her night stand. It was a couple hours past midnight, far too late for the hammering sound that filled her apartment. Groaning, Sakura dragged a pillow over her head. She would need to talk to the landlord about the proper hours for people to make repairs, but she'd do it tomorrow. For now, she was thankful to be back in the blissful warmth of her bed instead of on Yamato's couch. All she wanted was a few more hours of sleep.

The noise came again, louder than before. Grumbling under her breath, Sakura threw off her blankets and glanced down at her pager. The black face stared up at her, a reminder that a hospital emergency wasn't pulling her out of bed, but something much more mundane. Sakura huffed out a breath of frustration. Her first night of decent sleep in a week, and it was interrupted by someone else's selfishness. Still complaining internally, Sakura rolled out of bed and moved toward the living room.

It took the woman several sleep deprived seconds to connect the banging noise to her door. Frowning, Sakura rubbed her eyes to remove the sleep grit and blurriness. It was possible that one of her friends might need help, but she doubted it. Most of them would have gone to the hospital first. Preparing a lecture for whomever stood on the other side of the door, Sakura yanked it open.

Angry words died in Sakura's throat. The cheap glow of the streetlights wreathed Yamato like a halo, paling his already waxy complexion to ghostly. The bright spots of color in the man's cheeks rivaled the red of his bloodshot eyes, only partially shadowed by the grey hoodie that hid his hair. Yamato's hands shook as he tugged at the hem without seeming to realize what he was doing. Damp patches marred the front of his shirt, and the heavy scent of alcohol that filled the space between them left little doubt about what caused them.

Yamato managed a weak chuckle that bordered on manic as he clutched his hands in front of him. "Didn't know where else to go," he confessed to his shoes.

For a moment, the petty side of Sakura wanted to growl that Yamato should have checked himself into the hospital. Or, failing that, he could have gone to Kakashi. But, she supposed that she understood why he didn't want to. Swallowing the annoyance, Sakura pushed the door wider. Yamato staggered past her, bumping against the wall as she shut the panel behind them. The man uttered a string of incoherent words as she followed him into the room.

"How much have you drunk," Sakura asked, reaching out to steady Yamato's arm. The man flinched away and nearly toppled a side table in his hurry to reach the couch. She caught him as he half fell onto the cushions, following him down.

"Did you take any of the medication?" Sakura tried to press her fingers against the man's pulse point, but he batted her away. " Come on, I need to know if you took it. Both of them together could kill you."

The strangled laugh in the man's chest made Sakura's blood run cold. Yamato's eyes drifted shut. She shook his shoulders hard enough to make him squint up through his alcohol haze, then she cursed when he appeared to lapse into unconsciousness. Sakura slapped his cheek. "Dammit Yamato, wake up. What did you do?"

Yamato's dark eyes fought to focus on Sakura's face as he mumbled something under his breath. She frowned and caught his wrist. Sakura was content to feel the steady thump of his pulse against her fingertips. More indecipherable words spilled out of Yamato's mouth. "I can't understand you if you don't enunciate," Sakura grumbled, struggling to figure out what he meant while also making sure he wasn't dying.

Drawing a deep breath, Yamato opened his mouth to speak, but closed it as his face took on a greenish cast. He struggled toward his feet, clutching at Sakura's arm. He pulled her half onto the couch with him, then swallowed as his voice grew heavy. "My name is Tenzo."

"Okay," Sakura agreed. Content that the danger had passed after a moment, she stood, helped the man into a standing position, and slipped an arm around his back to take some of his weight. Even as they rose, Yamato stumbled and almost dragged her back to the ground. Sakura's mind raced through a thousand scenarios of what Yamato meant, but they had bigger problems. "Talk to me; what did you take? A soldier pill, the medicine I left, or something stronger?"

Yamato mumbled again as Sakura led him deeper into her apartment. She considered staying at the couch because it was closer, but it wouldn't be as comfortable or as convenient. Since the bedroom was nearer to the bathroom, Sakura guided him that way. Yamato fumbled with the pocket on his sweatshirt, words alarmingly slurred when he tried to speak. She strained to understand with little success.

Dropping Yamato unceremoniously into the still warm bed, Sakura settled next to him. His head drooped to the side, and his mouth grew slack as his body sank deeper into whatever he'd done to it. Sakura gave his shoulders another shake. "What did you do," she repeated, her voice modulating to the calm tone that came from working in a tense, medical setting every day. Taking Yamato's left wrist in her lap, Sakura checked his pulse a second time. "Come on, tell me what you took."

"Didn't," Yamato answered, finally managing a single, coherent word. Brown eyes swam in and out of focus in the poor lighting of Sakura's bedroom. He reached for the pocket on the front of his sweatshirt, blowing out a breath. "Almost took 'em all, though."

A distinctive rattle filled the air as Yamato pushed a bottle in Sakura's direction. Stomach tight with a fear that she didn't want to face, Sakura opened the top and dumped the tablets into her palm. A quick count of the medication set her racing heart at ease; all of them were still there. As she poured them back into the bottle, the meaning behind Yamato's words sank in, making bile rise in her throat.

Sakura had never considered that it might be dangerous to leave pills with Yamato, or that he might use them to hurt himself. If he'd taken more than the prescribed amount, it would have slowed his respiration, potentially enough to starve his brain of oxygen, if he didn't stop breathing altogether. Second guessing her relief, Sakura glanced at Yamato's lips and noted the rosy, pink color. He wasn't cyanotic, at least, and his rapid heart rate should have tipped her off.

"How much did you drink," Sakura asked, trying to keep Yamato focused long enough to get the answers that she needed. If he lapsed into unconsciousness, she wouldn't have much choice but to take him to the hospital and run tests. She wanted to avoid that if she could, if only out of respect. "Was there anything else?"

Yamato managed a weak shake of his head, and the movement reignited the sickly pallor of his face. Sakura counted the too quick beats of his heart rate while she waited for an answer. He inhaled before blinking up at her. "Half a bottle," he slurred out the words, then paused for several heartbeats. "More or less."

Sakura frowned as she laid the hand that she'd been monitoring on top of Yamato's chest with the other one. His pulse was high, but not dangerously so. Whatever alcohol he'd drank, there would be no more. She could control this. She'd cleaned him up once; she could do it again. "What were you thinking," she chided, not expecting an answer. Sakura considered whether it would be better to get the man out of his heavy sweatshirt so that he could rest better, or if it was too much trouble to bother with.

"I wanted it to stop," Yamato whispered. His voice sounded younger than Sakura had ever imagined him to be, almost frightened. Squeezing his eyes shut, Yamato rolled to the side so his back faced her. When he drew a deep breath, Sakura wondered if he was going to be sick or if he was trying to hide the emotion that his voice betrayed. Then, he continued, "I just wanted it all to stop."

The anger that Sakura had been clinging to moments before evaporated, replaced by an understanding that settled like lead in her stomach. The words were dangerous if they meant what they sounded like. But, she had to be sure. "You wanted what to stop?"

The steady cadence of Yamato's breathing was the only sound Sakura received. After a minute, a soft snore slid between the man's lips as his body lost the fight with consciousness. Despite the color high in his cheeks, he looked more peaceful than she'd seen in days. Sakura needed an explanation, but Yamato needed the rest more. Tomorrow morning was soon enough to probe for the answers that neither of them wanted to talk about.

Dragging the trash bin closer to the bed in case Yamato was sick, Sakura turned on the nightstand lamp so that the man wouldn't be disoriented whenever he woke up. With a sigh, she made her way to the couch in the living room. One day, she'd sleep in a real bed again.

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The peace lasted for approximately two hours, then Sakura woke to the sound of Yamato being sick in the bedroom. She looked around in confusion and tried to remember what the noise could be, then sighed and threw the blankets back. By the time she reached her room, Yamato had rolled onto his back with a low groan that sounded uncomfortably like a sob. Sakura dumped the contents of the trashcan down the toilet and rinsed it out before returning to the bedroom.

Yamato's face was paler still, and he'd thrown an arm over his eyes to block out the light from the lamp that she'd left on the nightstand. Sakura sat next to him on the edge of the bed. "You okay?" The silence lingered for several long heartbeats, then she tried a second time. "Yamato?"

"It's Tenzo," the man answered. His voice slurred under the effects of the alcohol still in his system, but it was clearer than it had been. He pushed into a sitting position and moved to the side, making room for Sakura. "Yamato was a code name I used when leading team Kakashi."

Though Sakura had heard the words earlier, she'd assumed that Yamato had been talking nonsense. Now, she looked at him in confusion. The man leaned against the headboard of the bed, not meeting her gaze. At least five years had passed since they met on the mission that led to Sasuke's base, and Yamato had led Team Kakashi for months before the war started. Had he been pretending to be someone else all that time, and if so, who knew his true identity? Kakashi, surely, but did anyone else?

Sakura's frown deepened as she tried to reconcile the thought. "Why are you telling me this? Why now?"

Less than ten hours ago, Sakura had been sure that Yamato wanted nothing to do with her. He'd made that much clear earlier in the evening. Offering a phantom laugh, he shrugged. "Dunno, seemed like something you should know."

"Well," Sakura began, watching the slump in Yama—Tenzo's shoulders. "It's nice to meet you, Tenzo."

A half smile crossed the man's lips, and he mumbled something that Sakura couldn't understand. He'd had enough alcohol to still be heavily under the influence, even now. Yam—Tenzo said that he'd drunk almost half a bottle, which meant that his body was just now catching up with what he'd ingested. Unfortunately, like most of the things that he had been going through lately, Tenzo would only feel worse before he felt better.

Tenzo opened his eyes, blinked at the brightness of the room, then closed them again. Sakura considered nudging him to lie down, but remained still and watched him instead. The hard lines of Tenzo's face softened as his body sank back into sleep. Anger and tension melted away, making the man look more approachable somehow, or maybe it was a trick of the soft bedroom light.

Sakura lifted one of Tenzo's hands in hers and laid it palm up in her lap. He stirred and mumbled something, but she didn't catch the meaning of the words. Gently pressing on Tenzo's pulse point, Sakura released her own tensed breath. His heart rate was slowing down the way it should have. Nausea and general hangover notwithstanding, he would be fine in the morning.

Tenzo's breathing leveled out and deepened within five minutes. Sakura remained where she was when he slumped to the side. His head lolled onto her shoulder as his body relaxed further. Sakura considered nestling Tenzo back into bed and returning to the living room, but his contentment decided her. Leaning back, she closed her eyes; this was definitely more comfortable than the couch.

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Tenzo woke to an almost familiar warmth coursing through his body rather than pain, and it took him a couple of heartbeats to remember why that was remarkable. He swallowed around the cottony flavor of his tongue, trying to find some moisture to wash away the taste of stale alcohol. The scent of whiskey was unmistakable in the air. Opening his eyes, Tenzo found Sakura beside him. One hand rested on his wrist, and a green glow enveloped her. The woman offered a tight smile. "Morning. How are you feeling?"

"Better than I have any right to," Tenzo answered, trying to fit together the fractured pieces of his memory. There had been some questionable choices, a lot of alcohol, and a few memories that made no sense at all. A blush rose into his cheeks when he realized they were in Sakura's bed. "I'm sorry about last night."

"You weren't too bad, considering your condition." Sakura's voice took on a decidedly playful manner that made the heat in Tenzo's face intensify. Then, she chuckled. "I mean, you're definitely not the worst overnight visitors I've ever had, Tenzo."

Tenzo's mind leaped to several conclusions that he didn't like, especially with the way that Sakura's voice curled around his name. He belatedly realized that she'd called him Tenzo, not Yamato, and more pieces fell into place. Tenzo remembered coming to Sakura's apartment and being sick, but another hazy image replaced it: the woman curled beside him on the bed. The uncertainty must have shown on his face because she burst out laughing.

"Oh, don't worry," Sakura teased, shaking her head. "Your precious innocence is still intact. You passed out not long after you got here."

Tenzo laughed, hoping to downplay the relief that swam through his chest at learning that he and Sakura hadn't done anything except sleep beside each other. There had been too many mornings where the blur of alcohol and bad decisions left him questioning what may or may not have happened the night before. Tenzo pushed those thoughts out of his mind and let Sakura's teasing remark slide, mostly because the memories were returning full force. Exhaling, he realized that there was something more pressing than his apology. "Thank you, for everything," he repeated.

Sakura's brow furrowed as the healing glow on her hands faded. "Of course. I couldn't cure all the symptoms, but that should help with the headache and nausea. Your chakra is calmer than it was, at least."

Tenzo realized that he didn't feel nearly as bad as he should have considering the amount of whiskey that he'd had the previous night. He dipped his head in acknowledgement, but that hadn't been what he'd meant. "Not just that," he clarified, running a hand through his hair. "Thanks for not turning me in the second I showed up on your doorstep, for letting me stay the night, and everything else. You've done far more than I deserve."

Pushing into a sitting position, Tenzo wrinkled his nose at the smell of alcohol. He glanced down at the stained sweatshirt he wore, and tugged it over his head. There was a plain t-shirt underneath, one hopefully less infused by the scent of his failure. Tugging it down his stomach, Tenzo balled the sweatshirt in his hands. Sakura moved back to give him space, but her calculating eyes watched his every move. The woman chewed on her lip in the universal sign of nervousness. "Do you remember much of last night?"

Tenzo froze, trying to sort through the chaos of his thoughts to determine which one Sakura wanted him to remember. He shrugged and scrubbed a hand through his hair as the woman continued. "As much as I want an explanation on the name change, you said some things that I can't ignore, as both your doctor, and as your friend."

Sakura retook her seat on the edge of the bed. For one panicked moment, Tenzo thought she would reach for his hand, but she didn't. "You said that you wanted everything to stop. What did you mean?"

It would have been easy to play the words off as a trick of the alcohol, but Tenzo faced the hurt for a moment. It didn't take much for the memory to resurface, for him to feel the darkness and the ache in his chest that said the world was better off without him. It only took a single breath to recall Tenzo's fear of what was happening to him coupled with the shame that his body still craved the thing destroying him. Sometimes, when he closed his eyes, he could hear the gentle creak of the World Tree above him.

Sakura's fingers brushed Tenzo's forearm, and he jumped. The room swam back into focus along with the woman's intense, green gaze. "I can't help if I don't understand. And, I can't understand if you won't tell me."

"Sometimes, it just feels like things would be easier if I wasn't around." Tenzo mumbled the words that he'd always been afraid to say aloud. He looked away from Sakura so that he wouldn't see the pity, shock, or whatever other emotion she felt at the confession. "I wouldn't screw up anything that way."

"You're one of the most capable shinobi I know," Sakura argued, pulling her hand back from Tenzo's with a frown. "You aren't screwing up anything by needing help."

Tenzo couldn't stop the bitter laugh that rumbled in his chest. "Oh, I'm not? I can't lead missions, and I have at least one shinobi who's been flagged as a danger to themselves under my leadership. My Anbu are in the hands of a less experienced leader, I left Kakashi's personal protection to someone else, the village security will be watched by still another person, and it's only a matter of time before something falls apart. And, it's my fault for being too weak to handle it all."

Each admission was drawn like poison leaching from a wound. Getting his failings out in the open didn't make Tenzo feel any better; if anything, it left him emptier. Sakura sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Have you ever thought that maybe it's too much for one person to do?"

"Anbu leadership has done it for years," Tenzo answered, his fixation on his failures making the response whip sharp. "I just can't keep up."

Sakura tsked under her breath. "From what I understand, Danzo is hardly a leader to emulate. I don't know who led it before that, but I promise that they didn't do it by themselves. As much as I'd like to run the hospital my way, I can't do it alone either. Times change; it doesn't mean you're a failure."

"Of course," Tenzo growled to end the argument. The lie didn't make him feel any better, and Sakura wasn't going to convince him otherwise. It was pointless to keep going over the same thing. "I'm sure you're right."

Huffing out a breath, Sakura changed tactics. "I can see what you're doing, but you have to realize that even if something is hard for you, it doesn't mean that you're screwing it up. I mean, would you admit that Kakashi is a failure as well?"

Tenzo's brow creased in confusion as he mulled over the words. "Of course not, senpai is one of the strongest men I know."

"Okay, but by your reasoning, he's a failure." Sakura's voice was neutral rather than judging. "Or, do you think he runs the village on his own?"

Tenzo shook his head with a frustrated sigh. He wasn't getting his point across at all. "Of course he doesn't."

"Then, stop acting like you have to do more," Sakura soothed, her tone remaining gentle and steady instead of accusatory. "You're only human. You aren't screwing everything up, but it's normal to think that from time to time. How often do you feel that way?"

Shrugging, Tenzo raked his hands through his hair. "Can we please not? I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Sakura ignored Tenzo's plea. "If you'd taken all of it, the medicine likely would have slowed your breathing until it stopped. There's no coming back from that."

Tenzo refused to meet Sakura's gaze, wondering how she knew that he'd considered downing all the medicine with half a bottle of whiskey. Before he got an answer, she continued. "But, you knew that didn't you? That's why you're taking more risks on missions lately."

Tenzo started to argue that he wasn't taking more risks, that he'd only ever done his job, but the lie tasted sour in his mouth. Over the past six months, the amount of injuries that he'd sustained had doubled if not tripled. There were dozens of reasons beyond disregard for his safety, but he knew what it looked like. Missions were more complicated and intricate now, requiring a different skill set than they had in the past.

Unbidden, the memory of fear in Saiyo's eyes floated through Tenzo's memory. He'd pushed them too hard on the last mission, then ordered her to leave him behind. If not for the woman's general disregard for rules, he would have been dead weeks ago. Some small part of Tenzo wondered if she'd done him a favor, but he quashed the thought before Sakura could read it.

"The risks I take are necessary," Tenzo answered with another shrug. "I'm not trying to kill myself."

"Maybe not," Sakura's voice dropped to a softer tone. Tenzo caught the movement in his peripheral vision when the woman raised her head, but he didn't meet her eye. Sickness settled in the pit of his stomach as she continued, "but, are you trying to stop it?"

Even though Tenzo had prepared himself, the question hit him like a sucker punch to the gut. He'd tried not to think of his most recent mission, or the order that he'd given for Saiyo to leave him behind. Tenzo had been injured and bleeding out, exhausted as only soldier pills could leave him, and—and, had he cared? He remembered slumping against a tree, fingers slick with blood as he fumbled at the wound in his stomach. Saiyo had completed the task and bolstered his strength with a second soldier pill, carrying him away from the enemy. But, had he cared?

Tenzo recalled the struggle to put one foot in front of another, even under the influence of the stimulants. He remembered the sharp agony of every step as his body surrendered to the pain. Darkness reared in front of him with a gaping maw like death, and Tenzo hadn't been afraid. He hadn't felt sorrow or remorse, only a sense of peace that the struggle would finally be over. Then, he'd woken up in the hospital, and the rest was history. Are you trying to stop it?

Nausea swirled through Tenzo's stomach, pulling him back to the real world. Sakura reached through the space between them with a glowing green hand. If healing chakra coursed through his body, Tenzo only noticed it by the fading taste of bile in his throat. Shame swallowed everything else as he dropped his head into his hands. "I don't know how to fix this."

"Neither do I," Sakura admitted, fingers falling to rest on Tenzo's thigh in what he assumed was meant to be a comforting gesture. When he raised his eyes to lock on hers, the woman flashed a far too confident smile. "But, we can figure it out as soon as we get you through the second round of detox."

Humming something sounded almost like agreement, Tenzo looked away. Sakura seemed to sense that he needed space, so she pulled back and crossed the room. Without speaking, she lifted a bag from the closet and started adding items until the sides bulged. Tenzo's brow raised at the spectacle. "What are you doing?"

"Packing," Sakura answered, as if it was obvious. "You reset your body's detox timer by drinking again, so the tremors, headache, nausea, and fever will be back with a vengeance. And, I think you'd be more comfortable at your apartment."

"So, you're moving in?" A trace of amusement worked its way into Tenzo's voice as he placed his feet on the floor and started to stand. The room spun, colors blurring in a sickening display that dropped him back to the mattress with a groan.

Sakura glanced over her shoulder in the middle of moving something decidedly feminine to her bag. "Just to see you through the worst of it, and to make sure you don't try drinking again." She paused and turned to face Tenzo, holding the bag against her chest. "Or, we can do something inpatient at the hospital. Your records are sealed to pretty much everyone, so it wouldn't seem that unusual if you'd rather go that route."

"They aren't sealed to Kakashi," Tenzo pointed out, standing up much slower the second time. The room wavered, but remained steady enough for him to take one step, then another. Moving felt like a victory, albeit a small one.

Nodding, Sakura resumed her packing as if that settled the issue. "You know, at some point you're going to have to tell him about all of this."

"Maybe," Tenzo agreed. He stretched one hand out to touch the wall and walked toward the bathroom on wobbly legs. "But, it doesn't have to be today."

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True to Sakura's predictions, the first twenty four hours of Tenzo's detox were hell. His body had only just gotten through the first bout when he drank again, so he had to relive every moment of it. They made it back to his apartment, arriving separately to keep from drawing any suspicion, before the worst of the symptoms left him trembling on the floor. Sakura's healing could only push the pain away so much, especially when his chakra destabilized.

As much as Tenzo wanted to be proud and fight the addiction on his own, he took the pills when Sakura pressed them on him a second time. She explained that the medicine would more or less mimic the effect of alcohol in Tenzo's brain to make the withdrawal more bearable. They'd start with a high dose, then decrease over time, until they could wean him off entirely. Sakura spoke in medical terminology that made Tenzo's head spin, but the pill washed the pain away, and that was good enough for him.

In addition to more manageable symptoms, the medication made Tenzo drowsy. He spent a large chunk of the first day in a fog of half awareness. Whenever he woke, Sakura was beside the bed or in the room to make sure that he didn't need anything. She brought him water when he was thirsty and helped him to the bathroom when he was sick. The attention left him thankful, but embarrassed. He couldn't help but wonder if Kakashi had been this way the last time Tenzo had been stupid enough to fall into this hole, then he decided he'd rather not know.

While the medication helped, it didn't make the detox easy. Periodically, anxiety and nightmares pushed through the haze of Tenzo's unconsciousness. Memories and faces swirled through the darkness too quickly for him to capture, but heart stopping emotions followed them. Tenzo woke screaming more times than he could count as some specter of his past came back to haunt him. Or rarely, sobbing at the memory of someone dying in his arms. He struggled to distinguish between reality and imagination.

Sakura never asked what Tenzo saw in his nightmares; she reassured him that he was safe and nothing could hurt him now. The woman seemed to have a sixth sense whenever they were happening. More often than not, Sakura's face was the first thing that Tenzo saw when he resurfaced from the darkness. She would lock eyes with him, holding the intensity of his gaze long enough to see if he needed anything. Once his breathing returned to normal, she would settle back down to whatever she'd been doing before it happened.

By the second day, lying in bed had started to drive Tenzo crazy. Walking around the apartment helped remove the ache from his legs and back. A body used to constant work and training didn't do well with physical confinement. His muscles ached for the release of tension, but he struggled to manage a weak shuffle. Sakura pinched her lips together whenever Tenzo insisted on pacing circuits around his apartment, but she never stopped him.

For the most part, Sakura spent her time scribbling in a notebook or reading. Tenzo assumed the writing was in his medical file, but the book surprised him. He hadn't taken her for a reader. When Tenzo's legs grew rubbery from exertion, he dropped on the opposite side of the couch from Sakura. He tipped his head to the side to catch a peek at the title of the book, then he did a double take. "Heart's Destiny," he scoffed. "You're as bad as senpai."

Confusion flitted across Sakura's face, then her lips pulled into a frown. "This is nothing like Kakashi's books," she grumbled, rolling her eyes. "First of all, it doesn't have contrived plots that only exist to give the cheap porn some filler. This one has characterization and depth; it's more than just 'hey that girl is hot'. Secondly, it has quality writing. Thirdly—"

Tenzo laughed, managing a genuine smile through pounding pressure in his temples. "You've clearly given this a lot of thought."

"I've had a lot of time to think." Sakura snapped the book shut. The soft dusting of pink across her cheeks almost matched the shade of her hair. "And, I had a look at your bookshelves while you were sleeping. The dusty, old tome on the early architecture of Konoha didn't exactly sound riveting, so I had to find my own entertainment."

"It's a fascinating study on Hashirama's influences when he developed Konohagakure, and the impact that Madara and the Uchiha had on it. Of course, it also has sections on each of the clans who were present at the founding, and," Tenzo paused, frowning at Sakura's mocking yawn. He snorted out a laugh, then winced at the spike of pain it sent through his skull. When the throbbing eased, Tenzo managed a tentative scoff. "Like your cheap romance novel is so much better?"

Sakura placed the book on the cushion between herself and Tenzo, then shifted to face him. "It is. Okay, so, Haruhi, the main character, is promised to marry a rich lord's son, heir to the family estates and fortunes. Now, most girls would be happy about that, but she can't stop thinking about the samurai who rescued her years earlier."

"Haruhi goes on to marry Dikimi, of course. But, a few months later, a rival lord threatens her life, so he's forced to hire guards to protect her while he's away on business. Ariyo, the formerly unnamed samurai, is one of them." Sakura used her hands to gesture as if trying to draw Tenzo into the story. "By the time he and Haruhi meet again, she's falling in love with her husband. She's torn between the two, but only one can be her soulmate, so she—"

"Please tell me you don't believe that nonsense," Tenzo interrupted, recognizing the sour taste of bile in the back of his throat. "Someone as logical as you can't possibly believe that each person is fated to fall in love with one specific person, and everyone else is just the next best thing. Right?"

Sakura's eyes cut to the side with a guilty, embarrassed expression. "I don't know. I mean, it's a nice thought, isn't it? That every person has someone out there who can make them whole?"

Tenzo choked out a laugh and thought of all the shinobi that he'd seen die for their village in the prime of their lives. Did that mean that they didn't have a soul mate, or that their other half would never find happiness? He balked at the idea that fate would be that cruel. Sakura stared at him with guarded eyes, wanting to believe in a fairy tale that Tenzo knew to be false. He sighed and tried to explain himself better. "I believe that there are people you are compatible with, and people you aren't. A soulmate seems like a stretch to me."

"Ah, you're such a romantic," Sakura teased, though Tenzo could tell she didn't agree with his conclusion. She wasn't ready to argue about it, though, so she changed topics. "I'm guessing there's no special girl out there for you, then?"

Tenzo almost laughed at the idea of having someone like that in his life. Lasting relationships were rare between shinobi, but they were almost nonexistent between Anbu. There were plenty of flings of course, but there wasn't anything substantial behind them. Most of those were the adrenaline high that came after a mission, and the relief at being alive to see another day. Soul mates and love didn't enter into that equation. He'd learned that the hard way.

Sakura read Tenzo's silence as something else entirely and grinned. "Or, is it a special boy?"

Tenzo rolled his eyes at the amused expression on the woman's face. "Sorry to disappoint you," he answered. "It's neither."

Grinning, Sakura nodded as if she'd managed to score a point in a game that Tenzo didn't realize they were playing. "So, you haven't met your soulmate yet. It doesn't mean they don't exist."

Thank you for everything. The memory of Chiharu set heavy on Tenzo's chest, suffocating him. Just the slightest surrender of his self control and he'd be able to feel the heat of her blood seeping into his armor or hear the death rattle in her throat. He pushed the memory away with an iron fist, smiling instead. "I guess not."

A violent shiver raced through Tenzo's body, and he pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around himself. Sakura raised one eyebrow in his direction, and Tenzo was surprised to recognize the curiosity in her expression. She reached toward him, then stopped herself. "Are you feeling bad again? It isn't time for another dose for a couple of hours, still."

"Just chilled," Tenzo lied, nestling deeper into the warm fleece of the blanket. His physical reaction was undoubtedly due to the topic at hand, but the withdrawal was a convenient excuse. Tucking his legs under him, Tenzo rested one elbow on the back of the couch and tipped his head at Sakura. "What about you? Do you have a special someone?"

Sakura caught her lower lip between her teeth, an unconscious tell that Tenzo had picked up on during her chunin days. She was unsure of herself, or maybe unsure how to respond to the question. Tenzo didn't press; he understood the need for privacy. Tenzo wasn't ready to talk to Sakura about Chiharu. He never talked about the woman to anyone, not even Kakashi.

Laughing without a trace of humor, Sakura shrugged. "I mean, from the time we were kids, I always imagined that Sasuke was my soulmate. I thought that we were meant to be together against all odds and barriers."

I didn't ask for this crusade of yours. That might be what Sasuke got off on, Tenzo's earlier words replayed through his mind with brilliant clarity. He'd almost forgotten the way he'd talked to Sakura before drinking himself into a stupor. Tenzo knew that his careless words had hurt the woman, and he had the uncomfortable realization that he was about to find out how much. Unable to stop himself, Tenzo prompted, "but?"

Sadness touched Sakura's smile, turning it melancholy. "You were right, you know? I always thought that I could fix whatever was broken in Sasuke. I thought that I would be good enough for him because we were soulmates, and everything would work out in the end."

Tenzo rubbed the back of his neck, guilt squeezing his lungs like iron bands. His words had been calculated to hurt, and they had hit their mark. The expression on Sakura's face made it clear that Sasuke was still a painful subject. "I was being an angry ass when I said that. Just because it isn't good right now doesn't mean it never will be. Some things take time."

"It's been five years," Sakura laughed, shaking her head with an obvious sniffle. Even so, the tears didn't reach her eyes. She put on a brave smile. "Who knows, maybe you're right. Maybe it has nothing to do with fate; it's about finding someone you are compatible with at just the right time."

"Or, I'm wrong about everything, and you haven't met your soulmate yet," Tenzo countered, trying to soothe some of the hurt that his words had caused. He hadn't meant to push Sakura away from the idea that soulmates existed, even if he didn't believe it himself.

Sakura offered a fragile smile. "Yeah, maybe."

--------------------------------------------------------

Tenzo's days blended into a collection of fitful sleep and hurried trips to the bathroom. As the week drew to a close, he began to feel like a fraction of his former self. The shuffling around the apartment turned into proper steps, and Tenzo no longer needed to brace himself against the wall at regular intervals. Though his body felt weak and his mind fretted about what the future held, he did feel, and that was something.

After waking up from a midafternoon nap on the fifth day, Tenzo walked out of his bedroom and frowned when he didn't find Sakura in her normal position on the couch. The vacant space at the table only added to his confusion. He turned back toward the bedroom to see if he'd missed her somehow when a flash of pink caught his eye. Sakura stood in the corner of the room, balancing on one leg. The other was tucked against her thigh, and her arms were stretched over her head.

Tenzo's brow furrowed at the stance; it wasn't one of the kata they learned as shinobi. "What are you doing?"

"Stretching," Sakura answered, voice calm as she brought her raised leg to the front, then lowered it to the ground. Bending her knees slightly, Sakura took an exaggerated inhale, then swooped forward with the exhale. Catching the back of her ankles, she pulled her upper body flush against her thighs and legs. On the next breath, she released the hold and returned to an upright position.

Tenzo crossed his arms over his chest and leaned one shoulder against the wall. "No, that's not stretching. That's something else entirely."

The expressionless mask on Sakura's face crumbled with laughter. "True, but it amounts to the same thing. Yoga trains balance and flexibility, while also relieving soreness. I started practicing it in Kumo."

A flash of color appeared on Sakura's pale cheeks at the mention of the distant land. Tenzo wondered who or what brought that wistful expression to her face, but was almost afraid to ask. He'd put his foot in his mouth enough with the soul mates debacle the other night. If yoga made her think of someone from her past, Sakura didn't share it. Instead, she nodded toward the space beside her. "You should join me. It's calming."

"I don't know," Tenzo answered, considering the strange angles that Sakura had twisted herself into. "I'm more of a 'let's go for a run' type of guy."

"Except, you're too miserable to do that," Sakura pointed out, lifting her foot toward her backside to stretch the muscles in the front of her thigh. "Come on, I know you have to be sore from not getting around enough. This will warm up your body without overdoing it."

Tenzo felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth from the way Sakura presented her reasoning. "Are those doctor's orders," he asked.

"Yup," Sakura nodded, lowering her foot back to the ground while eyeing Tenzo with mock ferocity. "Don't make me leave a noncompliance note in your permanent file."

When Tenzo padded toward the other side of the room, Sakura flashed a grin. He noticed that she wasn't wearing shoes; how hard could it really be? Sakura pointed across from her, and Tenzo took position there. Nodding, she brought her heels close to each other and pressed her palms together in the center of her chest. "Yoga is all about controlling the movement and your breath, syncing the two. But, if you start to feel lightheaded, stop. You passing out is the last thing we need."

"Fair enough," Tenzo chuckled. He copied Sakura's position from a few feet away watching her with a sense of apprehension he couldn't explain. The woman drew another deep breath and swept her arms overhead with a soft arch in her back. Her palms met above her head and came down the center of her body when she exhaled. Tenzo frowned for a moment, then did his best to mimic the movement.

"Good," Sakura encouraged. She made the movement look like a natural flow of her breath while Tenzo struggled to remember to keep a steady rhythm. "On the next exhale, we're going to take our hands all the way to the floor."

Tenzo followed, flattening his back the way that Sakura did on her next inhale and deepening the stretch on the exhale. For the next fifteen minutes, she led him through a course of bends and stretches that he'd never imagined. When Sakura finally sat down, a soft ache burned through Tenzo's muscles. The gentle pain surprised him; the exercises had looked deceptively easy.

Crossing her legs, Sakura got more comfortable on the floor. "That was really good, but it's probably enough for now. How do you feel?"

"Tired," Tenzo answered, joining the woman cross legged in the patch of sunlight coming through one curtain. He wondered when she'd opened the heavy shades to allow light back into the room. Then, a second realization stole over him: he hadn't felt on the edge of a panic attack since they started. "Calmer," he added with a bit of wonder in his voice.

Sakura smirked and tipped her head. "I told you. Now, sit up straight and we'll do a breathing exercise. This is another great way to calm down when the world feels overwhelming."

As Tenzo complied with the order, he wondered if Sakura ever felt overwhelmed or out of control. When she'd been younger, she'd been more worried and insecure about everything it seemed. Now, she had no problem taking the lead on his recovery or teaching him new skills like a wayward pupil. Sakura was confident and in control of the situation from beginning to end. He supposed that becoming an authority figure at the hospital had pushed her even further from the girl he knew years before. It wasn't a bad change.

Tenzo straightened his back and rested his forearms on his knees. "Like this?"

"Yes. Now, I want you to focus on the way your body connects to the floor. Feel the support beneath you." Tenzo frowned when Sakura interrupted her instructions with a tsking sound. "And, close your eyes."

Tenzo wondered if Sakura appreciated the level of trust that it required to lower his guard so completely around her. It wasn't much different than the past week, he supposed. But, this was a conscious effort to make himself vulnerable, rather than his body being too weak to fight it. Exhaling, Tenzo obeyed.

Sakura's voice drifted out of the darkness. "Okay, inhale, two, three, four. Now, hold, two, three, four. Exhale, two, three, four. And, hold, two, three, four. Just like that. Inhale."

The controlled pattern felt awkward, and a bit frightening when the need for air started to burn Tenzo's lungs, but Sakura coached him through each breath cycle. The four beat count of each movement started to feel natural, and Sakura's voice took on an ethereal tone that Tenzo found calming and reassuring. He felt safe in a way that he hadn't in a long time, like he could both lose and find himself in the breath somehow.

"Okay," Sakura murmured, words softer than a whisper. "Release control of your breath. You can go back to normal breathing. Wiggle your fingers and toes to help bring focus back to your body."

For several heartbeats, Tenzo remained in the calm, still place that had opened inside of him. He marveled at the way that everything he'd been trying to avoid over the past few years simply disappeared with the intense focus on his breath. Sensations returned slowly: the gentle sound of Sakura's breathing, the quiet ticking of the refrigerator, the warmth of sunlight on his eyelids, then the solid wood of the floor beneath him.

Tenzo opened his eyes to find Sakura gazing at him with a mix of amusement and curiosity. "Are you good?"

"I, uh," Tenzo tried to think of a way to complete the sentence, but he wasn't sure how to put words to everything he was thinking. He offered a shrug, instead. "That was different."

"Different good, or different bad?" Sakura rose in one smooth motion then reached down to offer a hand to Tenzo. "I find it really helpful to practice a few minutes of box breathing when I'm overwhelmed and stressed with work. That's its technical name, by the way."

Tenzo took Sakura's hand and stood. The room spun with a sharp flash of agony in the back of his head. He blinked through the initial shock, focusing on anything but the return of the physical pain. Sakura touched his shoulder, then guided him toward the couch. "You probably overdid it," she chided, as if she hadn't been the one to encourage exercise in the first place. "You rest here, and I'll make something to eat. You should be able to keep it—"

Four rapid taps slapped against the apartment door, interrupting the rest of Sakura's words. Fear washed through Tenzo's body and made his arms and legs feel numb. He knew that signature knock, and he did not want to see the person on the other side, not right now. Sakura frowned and turned toward the sound, but Tenzo caught her wrist. "It's Saiyo," he mouthed, careful to keep his voice silent. "I don't want her to see me like this."

Saiyo had been a trying recruit when she first joined Anbu. She pushed Tenzo, mocked him, and questioned his authority. Something had shifted on their first mission together. Saiyo began to look at Tenzo with adoration akin to hero worship, and it had made him uncomfortable at first. Her respect had felt like more than him being her team captain and the head of Anbu; Saiyo had become playful and curious. The woman's intensity was off putting and endearing at the same time, normally.

Their last mission together had been a disaster that left Saiyo in a free fall, though Tenzo tried to reach out when he was released from the hospital. The night that Sakura found the pair drunk in Tenzo's apartment had been his way of trying to smooth things over with her. You took a risk that almost killed you, the woman's words came back, sharp and bitter. Tenzo had disappointed Saiyo enough, lately. He couldn't stand for her to see the weakness in him right now.

"There's nothing for her to see; you look fine. Besides, can't we just ignore it," Sakura asked in a stage whisper by Tenzo's ear. "I mean—"

"You aren't at the barracks, and you aren't out of the village on a mission, so I know you're in there," Saiyo shouted, voice loud enough to be heard deeper in the apartment. "If you don't answer this door, I'm coming in anyway. So, unless you want me to break the lock. . . ."

Panic washed away the calm that yoga and box breathing had created, clutching at Tenzo's chest with bruising fingers. He looked up at Sakura with pleading eyes, and she shook her head. "There is no way this ends well," she murmured under her breath, running a hand through her disheveled locks. "My presence is just going to make this worse."

Huffing out a breath, Sakura marched across the apartment and undid the locks on the door one by one. She paused after the last, adjusting the t-shirt that she wore before pulling open the heavy panel.

"About ti—" Saiyo's voice transformed to a dangerous growl mid-word. Her golden eyes raked up and down Sakura's body like claws. "What are you doing here? Where's Yamato?"

Tenzo was impressed that Saiyo kept her wits about her enough to use his code name with someone outside Anbu. The woman had no way of knowing that it was no longer necessary. Sakura shifted to the side, blocking Saiyo's view of the apartment with her body. The angle from the door to the couch would have made it impossible for Saiyo to see him anyway, but Tenzo appreciated the effort.

"He's sleeping," Sakura answered, tone cool and unaffected. She sounded bored by Anbu bristling on the doorstep.

"It's the middle of the afternoon," Saiyo pointed out in a similar tone. Tenzo pictured the woman crossing her arms over her chest and drawing herself taller, reaching for every inch of height she had. "Why is he asleep? What did you do to him?"

Sakura chuckled warmly, an implication obvious in the sound. "Nothing that concerns you," she answered in the syrupy sweet pitch that Tenzo hadn't heard since she was a girl. "Besides, it's time for you to stop acting like you have some kind of claim on him just because you're on the same team. He's allowed to have other friends."

Tenzo dropped his head into his hands, waiting for the door to rip free of its hinges. It never came. Saiyo seemed incapable of responding, which worried Tenzo more than an explosion would have. The woman had a quip for everything, but no words came after Sakura's statement. He wished he could see Saiyo's face, if only to know if he needed to jump in front of Sakura to take a blow.

Dipping her head in a tight nod, Sakura leaned against the door frame. "Good girl, don't cause a scene. When Yamato wakes up, I'll let him know you stopped by."

Saiyo hissed between her teeth, a threatening sound if Tenzo had ever heard one. "Don't you think that fucking your patients violates your code of conduct, Haruno-sensei?"

To Tenzo's horror, Sakura laughed. "Who are you going to report me to? Myself?"

Sakura gathered control over herself again, stifling the laughter with a shake of her head. "Throwing around baseless accusations seeded in your insecurities isn't a good look."

"The only thing keeping that pretty little head of yours attached to your whore body is my respect for the commander." Tenzo knew that Saiyo would have squared herself off with Sakura, fists clenched in preparation for a fight. His only shock came from the fact that she hadn't started one yet. "Mark my words, you can't keep me away forever."

Sakura shook her head, the same unimpressed laughter coloring her words when she answered. "Go home, Saiyo; I've got nothing to prove to you. I'll let him know you stopped by." Before Saiyo managed a response, Sakura shut the door between them. Exhaling hard, the pinkette leaned her shoulders against the panel and closed her eyes. Sakura's cheeks were bright red, as she waited to see if Saiyo made good on her threat to tear down the door. To Tenzo's continued surprise, she didn't.

Pushing away, Sakura leveled Tenzo with a glare. "Are you sure she knows you aren't dating?"

Uncomfortable feelings swam through Tenzo's stomach, and he shrugged. "I mean, we're friends, but there's nothing romantic there."

Sakura shoved away from the wall and walked toward the kitchen. She patted Tenzo's shoulder on the way. "Sometimes, I swear you're as naive as she is."

[dimigex]

Healing Hands - YamaSaku

You can find the next chapter on A03 and FF, but here’s a little teaser. If you like what I do, consider buying me a ko-fi. Enjoy! 

"Try to keep her off of it as much as possible,�� Kazuko cautioned, securing an elastic bandage around the ankle of a young girl. When the mother scoffed, he chuckled under his breath. “I’m sure that’s easier said than done.”

The black haired toddler snubbed and rubbed her nose on her sleeve. Kazuko produced a lollipop from the pocket of his lab coat and, after a glance to her mother for approval, held it out for the little girl. She gulped in another breath to stop her tears as she took the treat. He turned his attention back to explaining the basic steps of caring for a sprain while the toddler sucked happily on the candy. The girl flashed a sticky grin at Kazuko and waved a fist over her mother’s shoulder when she was carried from the room. 

Sakura watched the family disappear around the corner, then turned to find Kazuko jotting shorthand notes into the file. “I could have healed that in a few seconds, that girl could have walked out of here,” she stated.  

"I know,” Kazuko answered. He snapped the file shut, then gestured toward the door. "And, how many mothers would bring their children tomorrow? Sprains, tiny abrasions, bumps that they would have treated at home. At what point does it end? When do we start turning them away?" 

"You’re suggesting that medical ninjutsu is only for emergencies or shinobi?" Sakura frowned at the realization. She hated the idea of not helping whenever she could. Obviously, pushing through pain was useful in battle, but getting back to a normal life as soon as possible had to have some value too. Shouldn’t civilians be offered that? 

Kazuko raised one shoulder in a shrug and placed the girl’s chart into the box beside the nurse’s station. "I just don’t see the point in overusing it, especially where civilians are concerned. Our bodies can heal themselves, you know?"

Sakura considered the words in silence, then filed them away for another day. She didn’t want to get into this argument until she’d had time to prepare her thoughts. Yawning, Sakura glanced at her watch. "Isn't our shift almost over?" 

Laughing, Kazuko nodded at the clock. "We technically finished forty-five minutes ago, but that’s something else that you need to get used to. We never, and I mean never, get out on time." 

The day had sped by in a blur of patients and new information. Sakura had studied the outdated system  used at the hospital and gotten to know the people that she'd be working with in the coming months. She already had dozens of ideas on how to improve workflow and charting, but didn’t mention them to Kazuko, not yet. Firstly, she didn’t want him to think that she was overstepping. And secondly, Sakura swore to spend the first couple of months learning how things were done before she changed them.

Sakura kept Kazuko in her peripheral vision as they walked toward her office. Despite spending nearly the entire day together, the pair hadn’t discussed Sakura’s effective take over of his position. Though the stress of his thoughts on the situation were never far from her mind, Sakura hadn’t found the courage to ask. She hated the unknown. Handling, or even redirecting, anger was simple, but silence made her antsy. 

Pausing outside her office door, Sakura turned to look up at Kazuko. “So, there are no hard feelings about all of this, right?” 

Kazuko pushed his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose before meeting Sakura’s eyes. His expression remained unreadable, as it had all day. “No hard feelings about what? About being replaced as acting head of the hospital for a woman six years my junior simply because she’s a shinobi and I’m a civilian?” 

The statement stunned Sakura into silence. Her mouth opened and shut a couple of times as she tried to formulate a response. Then, Kazuko chuckled. “I’m kidding, mostly.” 

“Are you though?” Sakura asked, studying the medic for a long moment. “It sounds bad when you say it like that.” 

“I don’t have any hard feelings toward you,” Kazuko clarified. Then, he shrugged. “But, don’t expect me to take it easy on you just because you’re the Hokage’s favorite.”

Sakura toyed with a loose button on her lab coat, twisting it one way, then the other. Kazuko’s light tone didn’t match his words. He had to be at least a little bit annoyed by the situation, but she didn’t press. “You know that Tsunade-sama is passing on the robes tomorrow, right?”

“To your former sensei, yes.” Kazuko answered. The man rubbed the side of his neck and sighed. “Look, I’m not going to be a problem for you. I honestly respect everything that you’ve accomplished, but you’re only what, eighteen?”

“Nineteen,” Sakura corrected. The rebuttal came a heartbeat too quick for her to pretend that the remark hadn’t stung. A flush of annoyance crept into her cheeks as she did the mental math. “And, twenty-five makes you so much more mature? Shinobi don’t have the luxury of growing up in the safety of the village--”

Kazuko’s scoff stopped the flow of words short. “The safety of the village?” 

The near complete destruction of Konoha at the hands of Pein only a few years earlier jumped into Sakura’s mind. Then, the calamity of the nine tails attack not long before that. Maybe Kazuko had a point. Living in a shinobi village wasn’t as safe as she’d made it out to be, even with the protection it offered. 

Sakura cleared her throat and tried again. “What I mean to say is that I’ve seen more than most nineteen year olds, more than most thirty year olds, even. I’ve worked in multiple hospitals over the past two years, served as a combat medic on missions, and in war. I’m not exactly inexperienced.”

“I never said you were,” Kazuko conceded with a tip of his head. He glanced down at his watch then shook his wrist. The gleam of silver disappeared into one sleeve. “Can we continue this conversation some other time? I’m already late for another engagement.” 

Sakura arched one eyebrow, wondering if Kazuko were blowing her off because he didn’t want to deal with the issue right now. He obviously had more that he wanted to say on the subject. Curiosity nearly drove her to ask, but she surrendered to common sense in the end. She didn’t know this man well enough to push the topic. “Fine. See you tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow,” Kazuko confirmed, turning away when Sakura stepped into her office. She didn’t let his attitude bother her. They would eventually work their issues out. Sakura would prove that she deserved the position as she’d done dozens of times over the past three years. Kazuko was a worry for tomorrow; Sakura had other plans tonight.