#THE LITTLE PLANTS ND THE MUSIC NOTES | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

royallyprincesslilly · 5 years ago

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Title: Love, Maybe? {36}**

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Fluff, Angst, Slow Burn, Tease, NSFW, SMUT

Word Count: 6.3K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

NOTE: **Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought. Recommended listening when indicated by the musical note 🎵: 1st: Pssy & Wine by: Mike Champion and 2nd: All On Me by: Sean Paul

**Loosley Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive***

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊❤❤️

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Chapter 36: Seize The Day

-Vixen-

Singing along to the sounds of Lauryn Hill’s version of Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, you danced around and finished preparing breakfast. This was one of your favorite songs and today you were feeling it.

“Oh pretty baby, don’t let me down I pray.”

You rocked your hips and used the tongs as a microphone and hit the high note as you turned to see Chris leaning against the wall with a smile on his face.

“Shit!”

“Wow, serenade and breakfast.” You pinched your lips and turned back to the stove to finish the sausages to hide your embarrassment.

“Morning.” You felt him wrap his arms around you and kiss your cheek then your neck.

“Good morning,” you whispered with a smile.

“Mmm, it smells great, it’s been quite a while since anyone made me breakfast,” Chris added.

“Liar, I’ve made breakfast almost every morning since we’ve been in Boston.”

He smiled and turned you to him. “Wow, liar is a bit harsh. Take it back.” You smiled and shook your head.

“Nope. You take it back. I’ve been feeding you well.” his smile was wide as he dropped his lips to your collar.

“Oh yes you have, very, very well,” he answered placing kisses across your collar and chest. You moaned and quickly got lost. His lips felt amazing. Before you knew it he was stooped before you and kissing your stomach and quickly making his way to the apex of your thighs. His tongue was a weapon and he knew just how to use it.

You groaned and enjoyed the pleasure he gave before you remembered the plan for the day.

“Mmm, Chris. Stop.” As soon as the words were said he pulled away from you.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay, nothing like that. I just have a shoot to get to,” you explained.

“A shoot?”

“Yes, because I had to come here for work, Kassius rearranged the promo shoot for here. I have to be there in an hour which means we only have time to eat and go.”

“Oh, okay. What’s for breakfast?”

“Uh, waffles, sausages, some fruit, and chive scrambled eggs. Don’t tell anyone I stole some ingredients last night.” His smile was perfect, you loved it. Pushing it to the side you put a plate in front of him on the counter.

“Thank you.” You hopped onto the counter beside him and began eating.

It was interesting how all this felt as natural as breathing like you’ve been doing this for the last three years and no time had passed at all. You wondered what he thought of your life here. You knew bringing him here would mean he’d see the restaurant, see the house and it would be like confirmation that you’d led this life without him, on purpose. You wondered if he was angry and was hiding it.

Last night there was no anger in him. He was gentle and amazing, everything you’d remembered him to be. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel anything last night. How could you not especially with that song playing? Occasionally you listened to it when you couldn’t sleep and now he knew it, he knew just how much you thought about Vegas and him. you didn’t feel embarrassed then to tell him the truth, but now you felt exposed and you hated it.

After breakfast, you went into the shower and used it to get your thoughts and emotions under control. It was quite the feat because you were everywhere but after almost forty minutes you managed. When you met him in the foyer he was dressed and ready for the day. The two of you got into the rental car and drove through the city to the address of the shoot. He asked plenty of questions about the area when you pointed out Ella’s preschool he had a lot more of them. His interest in your life made you feel good.

When you arrived at the location of the shoot it was time to get to work. The photographer and one of the guys from the team were there to convey just the look Kassius wanted to achieve. You listened in and corrected them when you heard something that just wasn’t you. You wanted to remain true to who you were and not give in to this fake image, you weren’t Hollywood and you would never pretend to be.

The first look was your chef’s and kitchen attire that you’d chosen for the new restaurant, complete with a chef’s hat. You smiled for the pictures and tried to listen to the instruction for poses but you felt so out of place, so awkward that you were sure that it was coming through in the photos.

“Okay Vixen, how about you do some poses you normally do in the kitchen,” Albee the photographer suggested.

“Uh, poses in a kitchen? I don’t pose in my kitchen. I cook,” you announced. Those around smiled.

“Fair, I walked into that one, but what are some actions that you do in the kitchen? Can you do those?”

You looked around the set and walked over to the kitchen area and tried to imitate chopping without a knife then tried to stir a pot without an actual pot to stir. You felt ridiculous and after a few minutes, Chris came to stand beside the photographer. He then whispered something to him.

“All right let’s take five everyone,” Albee announced.

Chris walked over to you with an amused look on his face.

“On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst how bad did that look?” He smiled and took a deep breath.

“Well, I don’t want to lie, so eight.” You nodded and sighed out feeling frustrated with the day.

“Okay look, this is new for you. you’re used to being in the kitchen whipping up incredible dishes being in front of a camera and doing this is weird. I get it, we all get it but you’re overthinking just a bit. I do this way more than I like. It usually helps to make it as natural as possible,” Chris explained.

“And how do you suggest I do that?”

“I am glad you asked. First, loosen up you have no need to be self-conscious or nervous, you’re gorgeous and the camera loves you. Put yourself in natural positions, think of it as acting.”

“I am not an actor.”

“Neither am I, but don’t tell anyone. Just put yourself in a mindset. You are playing a chef, think of their traits, characteristics, emulate those. When I watched you in the kitchen last night you demanded attention, you were authoritative, confident, controlled, and efficient. You can easily portray those to a camera. Think of poses that show just that.”

You were hearing him and everything he said was good advice, but you also were focused way too closely on his mouth. It would be so easy to get lost in watching him. The way his mouth moved and then his expressions to convey the meaning of his words were poetic.

“Try it. I promise it’ll feel easier.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“Anytime.” Chris walked back to stand next to the photographer then he gave you a thumbs up. You nodded and took a few relaxing breaths and went through his advice once more in your head.

“Ready Vixen?”

“Yep.”

You crossed your arms and gave a smirk then remixed it and planted them on your hips and flicked out your shoulder to slightly look over it.

“Nice, great shots. Keep em’ coming,” Albee critiqued. You felt some of the nerves fall away as you got a little more comfortable. That comfort had you settling into this role that Chris laid out. You glanced at him and he was nodded with a smile of approval. It felt nice to have it.

Fifteen minutes later, you were posed on top of the kitchen counter like some pin-up model doing role play.

“All right Vixen, we’ve got some good ones here. Let’s try something different, follow me,” Albee said.

You hopped off the counter and followed him to a neighboring room that had a real-life kitchen and plenty of things scattered about.

“Uh, what’s this?”

“Chris brought up something good, you can’t fake what you do. What you do has to be done to be captured, so everything you need to make a dish. As you make it I’m going to snap your pictures. It’ll be real-life art,” Albee explained.

You looked to Chris who shrugged as if it was nothing. He did this and acted like it was just something regular, something that didn’t need attention.

“Ready?”

You nodded and walked to the kitchen and surveilled your surroundings then went to work. This you could do because it felt as easy as breathing, you didn’t have to think about it or plan steps ahead of time. You could hear Albee’s camera clicking but it was easy to ignore it, he worked around you and your actions. There were quite a few comedic flubs that Albee said not to worry about they looked endearing on camera and would work well.

Halfway through you’d forgotten you were being pictured and now filmed and you were just enjoying what you loved to do. Soon you’d drawn the attention of those who were on set and in the building. They shouted out question after question about the steps you took or how you did something and it turned into a live cooking show.

About forty minutes in all and you were finished. With the final product in front of you, you finished the shoot with a few shots. You felt in your zone like this was you and not an act.

“Great work Vixen, my god we got some great shots and footage. You did great.”

“Thank you. this wasn’t that bad.”

Albee laughed and patted your arm before he walked off. You looked around for Chris but didn’t see him anywhere. You heard a “psst” behind you and saw him peeking out from behind a wall. As you approached you saw he wore a bright smile.

“What’re you doing?”

“I didn’t want to be seen by the people who came in. I wanted this to be just about you.”

“So you hid back here the entire time?”

“Not the entire time, maybe thirty minutes. It’s no big deal. You were great. How’d it feel?”

You quickly pressed your lips to his giving him a sweet kiss that quickly turned into a sultry one. Chris had one hand on your hip and the other cupping your cheek as you intensified the kiss. You wrapped one arm around his neck and just enjoyed it. When you pulled away his eyes were closed.

“Wow.” Chris looked at you with complete shock and a dumbfounded expression. You pinched your lips and looked down.

“What was that for?”

“Uh, thank you. You—you did this, and I appreciate it.” He didn’t speak for a few moments; he just stared at you and gently stroked your cheek with the back of his hand.

“I’d do anything for you Vixen.” His words hit you like a ton of bricks and several moments passed with the two of you just staring at each other.

“Excuse me—Vixen?” You stepped away at the sound of Albee’s assistant’s voice.

“Albee wants to know if you want to see some of the shots.”

“Yeah, definitely. Thank you.” Without a word to Chris, you walked off to Albee.

The shots were amazing, and they made you look better than you actually did. You were more than pleased with them and knew Kassius would be too. You mentally checked off another thing on your to-do list and felt excitement bubble with how close this all was to being finished.

When you and Chris stepped out onto the sun-drenched sidewalk you took a deep breath. “All right, work is done for the day. I have an idea. Let me show you my San Francisco. I’ll take you to a few places I go often, and we’ll grab lunch in there at some point,” you suggested.

“Sounds good. Lead the way.” He slipped his sunglasses on and tipped his hat low securing the incognito celebrity signature fashion and the two of you were off.

Five minutes later, you were on a cable car. You were standing on the side holding on to the bar with Chris behind you with one hand on the bar and the other holding you around the waist. “The likelihood of me falling off is slim,” you assured.

“Better safe than sorry, there’s a little girl who would kill me if anything happened to her favorite person in the world.” You smiled and allowed him to hold you close, you didn’t mind, you actually liked it.

When you got off you brought him into your favorite bakery. Once he walked inside he moaned. At the counter, he damn near pressed his face to the display case as he admired every treat there. You took care of ordering one of each of the eight things you, Ella and Nex loved here. Once they were ready you were off again. As you walked and talked you ate, it was the San Franciscan way.

Next, you took him to Telegraph Hill and to some of the famous stone step paths in the city. You talked about a variety of things as you walked toward the steps you knew that would take to you the waterside. He told you stories about his childhood, his siblings, stories about his first few years in Hollywood, stories about those he was closest to in the business and even how he’d med them. It was enlightening. Occasionally he’d initiate contact either through a securing hand at your back, or an assistive hand down a steep decline, every time it made you feel like a girly girl and gave you butterflies.

Once you’d made it to one of the waterside locations where you pointed out Alcatraz. He was able to use the telescope there to find it. That was when he proceeded to list off a few impressive facts about the place, surprising you in the process with his broad knowledge. After his near five-minute lecture, he stopped and the most adorkable expression washed over him, it was one of embarrassment and humor. It was perfect and gave you a sight of a new side. You sat at the waterside for some time and enjoyed the smell of the water, the sun, and the breeze through the trees. It was a beautiful afternoon. Chris would brush your hair from your face often. When you felt him take your hand it made you smile like an idiot which made him smile like an even bigger idiot and you were two idiots holding hands smiling.

When you took him to the best seafood restaurant in town the two of you did not downplay how much you ate. You ordered everything on the menu and plenty of beer to go with it as did he and the two of you pigged out without an ounce of shame. It felt good to just relax and not have there be any awkwardness or tension between you. It felt like the night in LA when you’d had tacos together, comfortable.

The sun had set by the time you made it to your last stop, a chocolatier. Turns out he has a mean sweet tooth that he likes to keep under wraps. While there, he tried almost all of their seventy variations of chocolate treats one after the other. You had no wonder where Ella got her sweets obsession, neither of them had any chill. A few times he’d feed you a few pieces as if it didn’t take a thought. He even finished something you’d had a bite of or wiped chocolate from the corner of your mouth and licked his finger afterward. By the time you left the shop, you were holding hands and slowly strolling to the cable car. On the car, he stood behind you with both arms wrapped around you whispering into your ear with his chin on your shoulder. You had no idea how you’d gotten here, but you liked it here.

When you were home you and Chris split up. It allowed you time to shower and check emails and respond to Kassius and other work obligations. After an hour, you’d finished applications for the new restaurant, chosen your kitchen staff and most of your wait staff and signed off on most of the vendors before you got caught up talking to Ella. She told you all about the great things she’d been doing with her grandmothers and cousins. She sounded like she was having a blast and barely missed you or Chris. After promising her you’d be back tomorrow she asked to talk to Chris. You found him in the living room doing some work of his own. Once he heard her voice his face lit up.

You went back to your room to give him some space. When you were in your closet a great idea hit you. When you turned Chris was walking in.

“She doesn’t sound like she misses me at all.”

You snorted and laughed then patted his shoulder. “Aww, you’ll get over it.”

“I don’t know if I will.”

“I have a great idea. This is your last night here, how about I take you to one of my favorite places.”

“What kind of place is this?”

“Uh, it’s a bit of a dancehall,” you informed. Chris’ eyebrows shot up.

“Dancehall? As in club?”

“Not a traditional club, it has more of an underground vibe to it. not many people know about it, the music is good, and the drinks are strong. Nexus and I like to go there every once in a while when I’m not too swamped.”

“So, I’ll see you in your natural environment?”

You laughed and gently pushed him. “Natural environment? What am I some endangered species?”

Chris pulled you flush against him with a wide smile on his face then wrapped his arms around you. “Of course, you are. You’re a rare unicorn, mother of unicorns,” he teased. The two of you laughed together until he softly kissed you once then twice and teased your bottom lip. You kissed him back and allowed him to press you against your opened door.

“So, do you want to?”

Chris nodded and kissed your nose. “I do, I want to do everything with you.” You smiled and tried not to blush. The way he easily made you feel like a schoolgirl was crazy.

“Okay. So get ready.” You pulled away and bit your bottom lip, an action he imitated. Neither of you moved again and you felt the air in the room change. You knew he felt it too.

“Thirty minutes?”

You nodded and walked away toward your closet trying to create space between you to prevent the inevitable.

An hour and a half later, you walked inside the dancehall with Chris close behind you. One hand was on your waist as you held the other. The music was loud, and the air was hazy from the mixture of smoke from numerous substances. Off to one corner, you saw a group doing hookah, and nearby a few were smoking blunts and cigarettes. The combination of scents wasn’t unpleasant. As you passed people you noticed a few guys who looked you over before looking to Chris. His hand on your waist tightened possessively.

At a small table in a far-right corner you sat and crossed your legs, Chris’ eyes immediately fell to your exposed thighs.

“That outfit is bringing plenty of attention,” shouted over the music. You smiled and shrugged.

“Is it?” He nodded and scooted closer to you stretched his arm around your shoulder and whispered to you.

“Trying to make me jealous?” You smiled and locked eyes with him.

“I didn’t know I had the power to make you jealous.”

“You have more power than you know,” he whispered back. The look that you shared stole your breath and made your heart race. Everything around you faded and neither of you noticed anything or anyone.

“Eh-em!”

Before you was one of the bottle girls with a smile on her face. Chris dipped his head down and hid it behind your shoulder just a bit.

“Hi.”

“What can I getcha?”

“Two bourbons, double,” you answered.

She nodded and walked off but not before glancing back at Chris.

“I don’t think she recognized you,” you assured.

The music changed to a modern day soca hit and everyone around you livened up and began dancing and chanting along with it.

“Do you dance?”

Chris smiled and went back to your ear. “I think you know the answer to that.”

You remembered your time in Vegas, you’d been in a club together and danced together. He had rhythm. That coupled with his charm made him a great dancer, although you may have been so drunk and horny anything was good to you.

“I was drunk as hell; everything was great that night.”

He smiled and nodded then stood and held his hand out. You looked at it then him and took it. Chris pulled you to him and then brought you toward an even darker corner. Once there he began bouncing to the beat trying to coax you into joining him. slowly you began dancing with him and it didn’t take any time at all for the two of you to begin to enjoy yourselves. You were right he had rhythm and was such a goofball that even if he messed up he didn’t care.

You took a break and went back to your table to enjoy your drinks and some conversation. The energy in the club was great and you loved that it didn’t get overpacked, there was a max occupancy of a hundred or so and even then it wasn’t as if everyone was all over each other. The music changed several times and went between reggae to soca to sultry RnB and it was all working together with the drinks you had.

A few hours later, you were as loose as you were going to get, and you grabbed his hand and lead him to a dark corner that wasn’t occupied. Halfway there Chris pulled you back into him and softly kissed your neck. The music changed as soon as you got to your destination and you couldn’t have planned it better. The sounds of 🎵Mike Champion surrounded you. You turned to Chris and locked eyes with him and began swaying your body. He didn’t pretend not to look at you, his eyes slowly raked over your body before his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

The song was one of your favorites and it always put you in the mind frame where your thoughts easily flowed to him. With him in front of you, you decided to tease him. Turning your back to him Chris squeezed your hip and stood there as you swayed and ground your hips onto him. you could hear his breathing change and felt one of his hands trail to the top of one of your thighs. You leaned your head back onto his shoulder and then you felt his teeth latch onto your earlobe and gently bite down.

“Mmm.”

“You like that?” His voice was crazy deep and it opened the door of your desire. That was all it took.

“Tell me.” It was an order and one you had no problem obeying.

“Yes.” Chris kissed then sucked the sensitive part of your neck and began swaying with you keeping up with the pace you set. You couldn’t believe that you were horny in this club from nothing but his voice and a kiss to the neck.

Chris’ hand snaked around to your backside but slid down to the back of your thigh. He slowly felt your skin and just as he was about to kiss your neck again the song changed. You could have shot the DJ for it, but when you realized what song he’d changed it to you could have kissed him. 🎵You turned to Chris and draped your arms around his neck. In the same breath, he pulled you on him. The two of you swayed together and kept to the beat. With your forehead just below his nose, you kept your eyes down and focused on the words of the song and how quickly you were fell under his spell.

Chris’ hands on your lower back squeezed the skin there before he moved them to your hips to squeeze again. A soft groan escaped your lips, a groan you know he heard. Chancing a look at him, you found his eyes already on you. the temptation between you reached an almost critical level. Chris took your hands and spun you, so your back was to his chest. You took the opportunity to whine against him making sure to roll your hips slowly. When you heard him suck in a breath you smirked to yourself.

You dipped down just a little and let your ass do all the talking. You felt his undivided attention and from the quick glance you got of him from over your shoulder he knew just what you were doing. When you stood up to press your back against his chest Chris moved your hair to the side allowing you to feel his breath on your neck by your ear.

“Cause I'm searchin’ just to find a toppa top girl, and you lookin' fine. I love that shape and that design, gimme your body anytime. And I know you hear me clear, girl, you gotta know I got no fear. And you know I will be prepared if you give me your body anywhere.”

Your head snapped back to look at him, he had an amused grin on his face. “I may be white but I’m not vanilla.”

You laughed loud and shook your head and sunk back into him again only this time adding more of a belly dancing flare to it, Shakira was not the only one who could do it. When Chris’ hands rested at your pelvis every urge wanted you to grab his hand and put it where you wanted it. When you turned to him you could see he was struggling with his desires as well. The look on his face was masked but only just a little, you knew just what he wanted and you were going to tease the hell out of him before you gave it to him.

“C'mon now let’s go, where nobody knows. You and me alone, you and me together. Wanna feel it in my soul, baby take control. Love when you, oh, make it last forever,” you sang along while staring into his eyes.

There could have been the biggest fight going on around you but neither of you would have known it with how wrapped up with each other you were. Song after song played but the two of you only had eyes for one another and the bubble you were in only got smaller and smaller.

When you made it back to your house once the front door shut you were on him. You each peeled off your clothes and threw them around not caring where they landed. When they crashed into something the two of you giggled like drunk kids. Your lips and teeth clashed but neither of you cared you just giggled your way through the hall until Chris carried you up the stairs. He stumbled and lowered you to the steps and hovered over you. his lips kissed, licked and sucked a path down your exposed skin. When he got to your waist he didn’t stop instead he went to your core and placed a suctioned kiss right on your clit.

“Fuck!”

“Like that?”

“Mmm-hm.” Your pitch was high, and you sounded desperate, you didn’t care.

“God, you’re irresistible!”

Chris scooped you up and scurried up the remainder of the steps to your bedroom where he dropped you on the bed. You laughed while you bounced then sat up to help him undress. As he worked with kicking off his shoes, you busied yourself with peeling off his pants. Chris then took over and kicked them off and jumped onto you. Your laughter mingled together. Chris then slithered down your body to pull off your underwear and again he kissed your clit and went to work.

He didn’t take his time, his mission was to get you off and it was evident with how expertly he commanded your body to do what he wanted. After only a few minutes you felt your orgasm take over and you clamped his head between your thighs as you rode the wave. He easily pried them apart and pressed them to the bed. The strength he exhibited made you want him even more. You rolled onto him and kissed down his chest across his abs and went right for your prize.

As you were going to grab him his length spasmed and nudged you right on your nose. That cracked the two of you up and you both broke out in a fit of laughter especially when he apologized.

“He has a mind of his own.”

You couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually, you did though and wrapped your lips around him. His groan was deep and guttural. It made goosebumps scatter across your skin, you loved it. Slowly you bobbed your head up and down his need. Each time your lips wrapped around his tip he whimpered and grabbed the sheets beside him.

“Christ, your mouth feels incredible.”

You smirked and swirled your tongue around him. making him shiver.

“Does it? Do you like it?”

“So much,” he whispered, again you smirked.

“Do you want me to keep going?”

Chris quickly nodded his head with his jaw dropped. “Yes, please.”

Amusement filled you and you continued pleasing him. Everything you did had him grunting, moaning and bucking his hips up sending his full length further down your throat. Your moans joined his and soon his hands sunk into your hair and he began guiding your head. When you picked up the pace he angled his head back and grunted and sucked in a breath.

“Fuck Vixen. Slow—slow baby.”

The sound of the endearment made your heart flutter and had you speeding up rather than going slow. When his grunts turned to loud whimpers you pulled your head back and stared at him. When he looked to you, you smiled and crooked your finger to him.

“Come ‘ere.” Chris slid to the edge of the bed and kissed your stomach up to your breast and sucked a nipple before he kissed you with urgency. His hands squeezed the flesh of your ass and he pulled a moan from you before you turned and slowly sank down onto him.

“Aaah.” He sighed and held you there, so you didn’t move. You enjoyed the feel of him filling and stretching you to capacity. Slowly you whined your hips circling him. he bit your shoulder harshly then kissed it soothing the ache.

When you began bouncing on him you looked over your shoulder, locked eyes with him and enjoyed how helpless he looked. It made you feel powerful but you also couldn’t ignore how good he felt. After a few minutes, Chris began pumping up to meet each of your bounces sending him further inside of you.

“Fuck, yes Chris.”

That was all he needed to hold your hips where they were to plow into you setting a heart-racing pace. Your moans fell from you one after the other as did his. You were so close to losing your shit and he must have known it because when his fingers made contact with your clit you flung your head back and gave him full control.

“You feel so good, you make me feel so good,” Chris whispered. He then stood with you and pushed you onto the bed and angled your ass in the air then continued his thrusts. The new angle was all you needed for your release to break free. You screamed then felt his hand at the back of your neck holding tightly. Another orgasm washed over you even before the first finished.

“Mmm, come all over this dick Vix. Come for me.”

You hadn’t seen this man since Vegas, the man who got off on control and orders, the man who had a clear dominance kink, the man who had the power to make you come over seven times in one night. You gripped the sheets because you knew it was a matter of time before you came again. Chris’ hands wrapped around your hair and gently pulled as he slammed into you to the hilt. As expected you came again and clenched around him. Chris hovered over your back and kissed a path up to your shoulder then bit down.

“Mmm, God you’re gonna make me come.”

“Come for me,” you ordered.

“You want me to come?” His strokes slowed but the depth of which he reached increased. Your jaw dropped, words failed you as your toes curled and body shook with your fourth release of the night.

“I can’t hear you, Vix. Do—you—want—me—to—come?” With each word, he enunciated he slammed into you. By the time he slammed into you once more he ground against you sending his cock to touch every wall and involuntarily pull yet another orgasm from you.

“Shit! No! Fuck me.”

“No please?”

“Pretty please.” You felt his smile on your ear then he gave you just what you asked for—the pounding of your life.

Your screams echoed around the room and mingled with his loud grunts and groans. The room filled with the combined scent of your sex and it was a hedonistic scent, one that fueled the fire of desire between you. By the time Chris finally came, you were exhausted. You could barely move let alone keep your eyes open.

~~~~~~~~~

-Chris-

You were going to be the death of him. He’d buried himself so deep in you he’d made you come over and over. He should have been tired, but he wasn’t. He should have passed out after he came but he couldn’t. He had way too much going on in his head and his body wanted more of you. It had never been like this with anyone. He could easily control himself but with you that control was nonexistent. He didn’t even know what it felt like. You were his addiction, temptation, and relief.

Ten minutes after both of your breathing had returned to normal he knew he had to tell you. He took a deep breath but hesitated yet again. He was afraid, he knew that by now. He knew there was a fifty-fifty chance that you’d be upset and that you’d want to proceed with the divorce. He knew he could lose you—again. He didn’t want to, but he had to face the music.

“Vix.”

A soft moan rumbled on his chest. Closing his eyes, he began.

“I have a confession, a confession that I should have told you weeks ago. A confession that may come as a shock. First I have to tell you what a huge mistake I made three years ago. What I said to you—there is no excuse for it. I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I have to say it again. I’ve regretted it for years; I still regret it. I wanted to find you and went back and forth if I should or shouldn’t. I didn’t have the courage to find you really. I was so ashamed of myself and how I’d treated you, I was such an asshole. Uugh.”

He hit his head on the headboard and hated himself all over again. It was his words that had him missing the last three years. His words, his fault.

“Since finding you again I’ve—I’ve been reminded of the things I felt. The things I felt, I ignored and buried. I was not prepared for you or what I felt then. I ran from it and ended up right back there. I think about you—a hell of a lot, I dream about you. I want things with you I’ve never wanted with anyone else, I want things I didn’t know I wanted until you. You’re—you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. I really, really—like you. You have no idea how much. I want to start fresh, I want to build a life, a new one. A few weeks ago, I found out that there was a mix up with the original divorce papers we signed. Sherman—Sherman went through a personal ordeal and the paperwork got lost and was never filed. We’re still married.”

He waited for you to say something but when you didn’t he continued. “I know it’s a shock and probably an unwelcomed one, but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. Maybe it’s a sign that we shouldn’t be divorced, that we’re supposed to be in each other’s lives. Maybe what God intended three years ago was to bring us together and he’s not letting either of us off the hook.”

Still, you didn’t speak.

“Vixen?” He glanced down at you and saw you were fast asleep.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” He dropped his head back and closed his eyes in disbelief he’d gone through all of it only for you not to hear him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

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TagList:

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#love maybe fic #chris evans fanfiction #Chris Evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #Chris Evans X black reader #chris evans smut #angst fanfic #slow burn fanfic #black fanfiction

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x1musings · 5 years ago

Text

“you look like shit.” + “pick up your phone!”

☆pairing: seungyoun x reader

☆request: #58 + #101 from 101 prompts with best friend/crush seungyoun where he’s really loving but also teases her (ruthlessly lol) by anon

☆genre/au: fluff

☆word count: 1.2k

☆a/n: i can’t believe i was able to write something, even though it’s short. god, i hate writer’s block, it makes blank pages seem like the scariest thing. i hope you guys like this. oh also i’m on uni break right now until the end of feb, so if you ever need a place to vent or if you’re as bored as me and want to talk to someone, my ask is always open. seriously, i’m so bored lately, i don’t know what to do with myself, besides trying (and failing) to write.

you strongly believed that anyone who had the audacity to wake you up had a death wish, and you were more than willing to help grant their wish. most of the people in your life knew better than to wake you up, fearing the grouchy monster you became when anyone woke you up. but, unfortunately for you, your best friend wasn’t one of those people.

you groaned as your phone rang for the umpteenth time, covering your face with a pillow. you knew exactly who was calling and you were going to kill him if he didn’t let you sleep. you heaved a sigh of relief when the call went through to your voicemail, cherishing the few seconds of silence before he inevitably called you again. but as seconds turned to minutes, you cautiously took the pillow off of your face, eyeing your phone warily. cho seungyoun wasn’t the type to give up, so why isn’t he calling again? you picked your phone up and glanced at the time, inwardly groaning as you see the numbers 3:24am. your phone vibrates with a notification saying that you had 11 missed calls and 1 new voicemail. knowing seungyoun, it could either be that there was a legitimate emergency, or he was bored. if it was the latter, your best friend was about to be a dead man.

you raised your phone to your ear to listen to the voicemail, choosing to make your decision after you heard what he had to say.

“y/n, pick up your phone!” you pulled the phone away, your ears slightly ringing from seungyoun’s screaming. “it’s an emergency! get your ass to the studio now.”

you sighed, closing your eyes as you tried to conjure the motivation to get out bed. surely the emergency can wait a few hours, right? it took you a few minutes as you weighed the pros and cons of getting out bed. pro: you can help seungyoun with whatever problem he’s facing, earning you his eternal love and loyalty. con: you have to leave your incredibly warm and cozy bed. pro: if there really is an emergency, you will need to solve it no matter what, so it’s better to do it now rather than letting it fester. con: you have to get out bed now.

you groaned for the umpteenth time, pushing the blanket off you with extra force, cursing seungyoun under your breath. ever since you had met him, you have been waking up at ungodly hours, working late hours, and just generally sacrificing your beloved sleep to help him with whatever new problem he faced. you tugged on a hoody, pulling the hood over your messy bed hair and pushed your feet into the first shoes you could find, not caring what you looked like. the only thing on your mind was getting back into bed. you checked that you had your keys and phone, before leaving your apartment.

you barely remember anything from the drive to the studio, your mind going over the possible emergencies that could have happened. you had left the studio at around 10pm so surely nothing major could have happened in the 5 hours you had left seungyoun alone. before long, you parked your car in front of the studio and grabbed all of your belongings. you entered the studio and walked straight to seungyoun’s studio room. seungyoun swung his chair around as soon as you opened the door, with a wide smile on his face. as you walked over and sat down next to him, he took your dishevelled appearance in and his smile turned to a teasing smirk.

“you look like shit.”

you glared at him, but otherwise chose to ignore his comment, wanting to get this over and done with so you could go back to sleep. “what’s the emergency?”

his smirk turned to a sheepish smile and you knew instantly that he had lied on the voicemail. “oh nothing, just wanted you to hear this new song that i wrote. i need your feedback.”

as he spoke, the urge to kill him returned in full force. you glared at him and raised your hands towards his neck. “i will choke you.”

he smiled his shit-eating smile that you loved and hated at the same time. “kinky. you can do that later. but now, listen to this.”

you sighed as you settled into your chair, knowing you weren’t going to leave for another few hours. despite your annoyance at having to leave your bed, you were more than happy to help him out. if there was one thing you loved about seungyoun, it was his endless passion for music. he was a perfectionist at heart, needing each note and lyric to perfectly match the sound he had in mind. you lost count of the number of times you had watched him lose himself in the music for hours. when he got like that, he would sometimes forget to eat and sleep until you staged an intervention and dragged him out of the studio. he would whine for a bit, until his exhaustion took over his body, and he would be asleep before you even get to his apartment. sometimes, it really felt like you had a child as your best friend.

he earnestly watched you listen to his new song, taking in every little reaction you made to the song. in the first listen, you let the music flow over you, taking in the general vibe and lyrics. in the second listen, you started to listen to it from a producer’s perspective, analysing it to find ways of making it sound better. you made a few suggestions here and there, like to change a chord in one part or to change a lyric in another part to make it flow better, and he took each to heart, jotting down notes on the sheet music in front of him.

after you finished hearing the song the 2nd time, you turned to him. “i love it. you don’t have to change the things i said if you don’t want to, they are just suggestions.”

“i trust your judgement, y/n.” he flashed a smile in your direction before turning back to the computer.

you don’t bother trying to hide the shy smile that graces your lips, knowing that he was too engrossed in the music to see it. it warmed your heart to know that he valued your judgment, and he never failed to remind you how much your feedback meant to him.

for the next hour, you two were huddled over his computer and sheet music, tweaking the song over and over again until you were both satisfied with the end result. but, sometime during that hour, your tiredness got the best of you and you fell asleep with your head on your crossed arms.

“y/n what do you-”

seungyoun turned his head towards you, cutting himself off as he stared at your sleeping form. it was only then that he realised how late it was. he felt guilty at keeping you up this late, especially knowing that he was the reason that you were even here in the first place. he got up and picked you up from the seat slowly, trying not to jostle you. he laid you on the couch, making sure that you were comfortable and laid the blanket over your body. kneeling down next to your face, he pushed the hair out of your face, and planted a soft kiss on your forehead.

“sleep tight, y/n.”

#x1 #x1net #x1 scenarios #x1 imagines #x1 au #x1 fluff #cho seungyoun #101 prompts #mine: x1 #mine: fluff

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skgway · 4 years ago

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1828 Dec., Wed. 31

5 3/4

11 55/60

At my desk at 7 5/60 – From then to 2 10/60 (except the following interruptions breakfast at 9 in 20 minutes and in about an hour wrote and sent off by Jno [John]’s son at 11 50/60 a few lines to “Messrs Hammersley and co. Bankers Pall Mall London” to say I had instructed Messrs Rawsons on the 22nd instant to remit to them ￡300 immediately to be placed to my account – Should be in London in a few weeks and would then call for my account –

And wrote and sent by the same 1 3/4 page to “Mrs. Lawton, Mrs. Belcombe’s Scarborough” § Wondering why she did not write. Uneasy lest she should not have got the parcel sent yesterday week and naming its contents – The socks, useful to sleep in – Wish she would knit me a pair or 2 more – Have given Mr. P– [Priestley] her name for some excellent sacred music to be published in numbers by subscription in about a year’s time from complete about 28 /. [shillings]. Every lover of music wishing to encourage sacred music should subscribe –

Have heard nothing from Mr. P– [Priestley] about the rules – Will go as soon as I can to inquire – Should get the bond from Mr. W[illoughby] Crewe as the money will be wanted in about 6 months – Wish to know for certain whether William is to have it there or not – Very anxious to hear from her – When and how am I to see her and what does she wish me to do – I must fix on something or other – Shall be delighted to see her here anytime for a week or a fortnight) –

Except the above interruptions, not more than 1 1/2 hour from 7 6/60 to 2 10/60 copying what Mr. Waterhouse brought me yesterday to keep till Saturday, “A list of the company of proprietors of the Calder and Hebble navigation June 24th 1828” and noted down the alterations in this list from 24 June to 24 December 1828, by comparing it with the list of 24 December 1828 – and copied also the “general statement of the capital stock, revenue and expenditure of the company of proprietors of the Calder and Hebble Navigation from the 31st May 1827 to the 31st May 1828 capital stock ￡159.631.15.7” 24 June 165 proprietors, 24 December 169 ditto.

Wrote the above of today, and went out at 3 10/60 – Down the walk across the fields to well royde these by Red beck houses along the road to Trough of Bolland pit to see if William Green had led stone enough to wall it off (led 4 loads today) –

Then up the wood by Benjamin Bottomley’s and the Cunnery to the plantation. Throp and the 2 wallers planting and holing as yesterday – Have planted 400 trees a day Monday yesterday and today in spite of the additional trouble of planting with the gavelock so as to let the longest tops go straight down –

Sauntered about in the plantation and the upper fields – Left the men at 5 1/4 – Then returned by Benjamin’s. Walked to the new bank to see how the cutting for the bridge over it goes on – Will be ready to begin the bridge in a little while –

Came in at 5 40/60 – Dressed – Dinner at 6 20/60 – Afterwards almost all the evening asleep on the sofa – Remembering towards Marian the so little influence I have with her. Mean to let her hear less of my opinions in future on all subjects. Hope not to teaze her much with advice of any kind – Came upstairs at 10 10/60 – Dampish morning till noon – Then fine afternoon and evening – Wrote the last 9 lines – Farenheit 54º in my room now at 10 35/60 and rather windy –

Another year is gone – I have unexpectedly been nearly 3/4 of it in Great Britain – Much has happened to me that is material – My tour in Scotland – The likelihood of by and by getting rid of the road in front of the house – How little could this have been anticipated 1/2 dozen years ago!

The Cunnery plantation almost all cut down and replanting with oaks taking in great part of what was before left of the cunnery brow – My aunt’s health wonderfully recovered – Staying with Madame la comtesse de Rosny. Reading with her Justine etc. and particular intercourse with Miss MacL– [MacLean]. Foolish letter from Mrs. B[arlow] about the little countess etc. etc. and distaste to Marian, see the last page and various other places.

Determining to say little to her in future of advice kind. She bites her own nose off. See the repeated conversations we have had. Yet she is good in sewing for me, is making me drawers and has done me several little things.

Bad tille to Skelfler – Trouble about the Northgate tille for the church commissioners having sold ground for the building of a new church to be dedicated to St. James in compliment to my uncle – Confidential conversations with the W[illiam] Priestleys etc. etc. Ver[y] good fr[ie]nds at Wellhead – The misunderstanding plastered over with Mrs. B– [Belcombe]. Cameron hired, and left for these last 2 months at Lawton – Confidential conversation with C[harlotte] N– [Norcliffe] at Langton – Meet M– [Mariana] and Mrs. Milne there –

Much troubled this year with indigestion – Better since I have been here at Shibden, and constantly out of doors – Enter upon M– [Mariana]’s friendly society business – Get the 1st lucid ideas of book-keeping from Cronhelm’s work – Began Italian, but have unfortunately been much prevented from attending to it of late –

May I grow in wisdom as in years, and may it please God still to continue his manifold and great blessings!

Had my hair turned up and dressed with fals in the spring in York, and turned it up from the time of my being in Scotland, Madame de Rosny being in fact the cause of it –

§ from the time of Dr. B– [Belcombe]’s funeral I have written on black edged paper to M– [Mariana]. Wrote this morning on plain paper but sealed with black. Have used black wax to everybody, but only black edged paper to π [Mariana] and Isabella and the Duffins.

Double entry by single, a new method of book-keeping, applicable to all kinds of business; by: Cronhelm, F.W. (Frederick William)

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #mariana lawton #marian lister #isbergue de rosny #Sibella MacLean

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wmshappen · 4 years ago

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Lockdown Learning

If the devil finds work for idle hands, we can only assume from this summer’s Instagram posts that the devil must love sourdough. And the country’s new army of amateur bakers weren’t the only ones using having more time on their hands to good advantage—lots of people looked to learning new things as a distraction.

But first things first - if the only thing you ‘achieved’ this summer was making it through each day, don’t give yourself a single moment of grief. By doing just that, you’ve already done great. However, as time has wound on and those of us working in events swapped fields and packed schedules for staying in, some of the WMSH team have been enjoying learning new skills or taking on new hobbies. We’ve found that focusing on things you enjoy, be that a new challenge, doing something physical, or spending time making your micro-universe nicer, comfier or more tasty, can be great for your mental health.

Check out what we’ve been up to below:

I decided not to let my lack of actual garden stop me attempting to grow some of my own food. I ordered some tumbling tomato seedlings online, and repotted them along with spinach and kale seeds into hanging baskets so they could bask in the sunshine from the SW facing window that basically turns the lounge into a greenhouse from May to October. Moving them into the shower for a drench became part of the daily routine and within a month, they’d started to fruit (and are still going). To accompany them, I started growing micro salad in a seed sprouter, which made my weekend at-home brunches much more Instagram-worthy.

As a side note - hanging tomatoes make an excellent Zoom background. So many people commented how good they looked and I like to think a bit of greenery brightened those meetings a little.

Stephen

During lockdown I learned how to use 3D projection mapping, with Mad Mapper and Wayne Sables’ excellent online Vimeo course. The introductory lessons were great, and included insightful interviews with professionals from creative industries. As with most things, the real learning came with practice; but after only a few hours I managed to project 10 different video streams simultaneously onto a complex icosahedral 3D sculpture, using a projector, a laptop, and a demo version of Mad Mapper. This technique has been used in art installations, live music and stage performances, outdoor exhibitions and video game demonstrations, and I look forward to finding more and more places to use it.

Alice

I love doing something physical, knowing it will likely take me all day. The garden has been one big and on-going project this year, something that would normally be left untouched while I’m away on-site throughout the summer. However, through watching many YouTube videos, countless calls to my mum, many plant deaths, and lots of back-breaking work, I’ve cultivated my garden to a point where it’s unrecognisable from where it was. I’ve laid turf for the first time, pruned back trees and bushes that I would previously have had no idea what to do with. I’ve built a rockery, a compost heap, and after learning that there are different types of rakes, with entirely different purposes (who knew?!), I’ve brought myself a new one for raking leaves this autumn, which I’m way too excited about.

As well as gardening - while I’ve always been a bit of a DIY-er - I upped my game this summer by refurbing the kitchen. I even created a Gant chart when I was struggling to figure out the order things needed to happen in, and used a white board to track ‘to do’, ‘to buy’ and ‘snags’, just like I would when managing a festival build site. The refurbing is still ongoing, but so far has included laying flooring and fitting skirting for the first time, and finally conquering my fear of sawing things. I’m still not very good, I can’t cut straight to save my life…but things get cut. One piece of sawing led to another, and I ended up making multiple coffee tables for my new garden oasis, and a footstool to go with the 2nd hand chairs I upcycled. I learned what a ‘pocket screw’ was, which was a bit of a game changer, but I haven’t totally perfected it yet.

Youtuber’s The Sorry Girls , and instagrammer Angela Rose have been major sources of inspiration. Also, my father-in-law, Bob, who’s a DIY expert. He’s always available to give advice, offer encouragement, or send me tools.

I’ve also spent a little time trying to improve my 3D modelling skills – while I’m a wiz at doing 2D site plans - my 3D constructions don’t always look polished. I took an online tutorial on virtual room dressing and lighting effects for Vectorworks. For practice, I made a room, I put a person figure in it, and set about trying different lighting / finishing options. It’s hard to explain how I got there, but one thing led to another, and I ended up 3D modelling something akin to a bloody murder scene in a movie. Lesson learned – what you, when you’ve not left the house for several days, think is funny…may freak your team out when you show them.

Alice Hunt / @mrsalicehunt

#lockdown #new skills #CAD #projection mapping #gardening

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inyuji · 5 years ago

Photo

So here’s how my fan-character Rei would be “rebooted” in the new duckverse. Old sketches almost 2 months ago. The only new ones are in the 6th batch. As usual, I’ll go into overly convoluted description mode, STORY TIME!:

In the new reboot duckverse, Rei’s background is more different and I plant to go into details there. 1991verse-Rei was found and sent to the same orphanage Gosalyn would be placed in. Reboot Rei has gotten into at least 3 adoptive families in Japan, but they never lasted long.

1. Buddhist monks: they found her floating near their remote monastery and fished her out, gave her sanctuary and raised her for 2-3 years. Their guidance has helped with controlling her powers and helping her grow mentally & emotionally. They also helped with her reading and writing. Sadly she left under misplaced guilt when the monastery was being threatened by shady government officials. Fearing for the monastery, she left a hasty goodbye note and left. Shame because they had no intention of revealing the fact that they were hiding a possible government experiment.

2. Homeless geezers: after leaving the monastery, she stumbled upon a bunch of homeless people who took her in. They were her first teachers to slowly introducing Rei to modern Japanese society and got to enjoy the comfort of her homeless family. Unfortunately, they were brutally murdered by some wannabe-thug teenagers who were “cleaning the trash.” Rei had been distracted with trying to bring in a big haul for her homeless family. When she came to the scene, she went into a psychic breakdown. She fled far away after realizing she had murdered the thugs.

3. Yakuza: She struggled trying to keep low, until she was taken in by a younger Shatei (little brother) and then adopted into the yakuza group. She struggled with helping out on certain assignments, due to her past upbringing and the clash against her morals. However, she still soldiered on, not wanting lose acceptance with her yakuza family. This is the family that has taught her martial arts, complete immersion into modern Japanese society, and a colorful education from numerous “brothers.” Unfortunately a rival gang started invading, wanting to steal Rei for her powers. Rei was secretly shipped out to a remote fishing town. Rei found out too late when she finally found news. Rei was devastated that the turf war ended with both groups decimated. At this point, Rei has reached her breaking point and that subconsciously unleashes a huge psychic breakdown. This is the 3rd family she has lost.

She still has amnesia from the first 7 years, and she’s still struggling with keeping her psychic/esper powers under control, especially after the recent loss of her Yakuza family. As for Jim, he decided a change of scenery would get him out of his funk, so he jumped onto a brief tourist-guided trip to Japan. One problem: he got on the wrong bus and missed his tourist group completely and got stranded in a remote fishing town in Japan. The same fishing town where Rei was lingering. Jim almost freaked out thinking that Rei was dead. Somehow Jim was deeply bothered by seeing the dead look on a child and the chilling words she spoke about being like “the rest of them.” So he tries to bury that guilt by buying Rei food. Rei is wary of any help. The locals haven’t been kind to her ever since her last breakdown, and her interference with some local yakuza has made things worse for the town. They blame her for it, and Rei stayed acting as the Yakuza’s punching bag, hoping it will take the heat off of the locals. Jim gets to know Rei a bit as she slowly opens up to Jim. It helps that Rei has some past buried knowledge of English. She can’t seem to remember who had taught her.

Jim didn’t like the suicidal state Rei was in and the way she was treated in the town. Out of impulse, he adopted Rei. So far, Rei had to endure a huge cultural shift, and improving on her limited English. Jim has been benefitting a bit from looking after Rei, even though she’s low maintenance. Sometimes, Rei acts as a buffer for Jim’s ego. She doesn’t mind being his 2nd conscience, even if it can be stressful. However, their new relationship is fragile and there’s still a lot of mistrust and hesitance on Rei’s side. Jim is completely in the deep with not knowing how to deal with children. Over time, he realizes that Rei is not ordinary in almost every aspect, psychic powers withholding. This is better, since this allows wiggle room to forge their own dynamic. They’ve learned to bond over a few common things, especially music. I was inspired by the old episode “Paraducks,” and Jim Cummings’ magnificent musical number. Jim makes a lot of digs at today’s modern music, but he lets Rei play her personal play list on the car since it’s more varied, even if there’s a lot of Powerline songs. (music lyrics are from “Should I Stay or Should I go” The Clash)

Now not everything is smooth sailing. Jim is still deeply insecure with not being a proper guardian, and how he’s unable to help Rei deal with some trauma that stems from buried memories. So far bits and pieces are triggered whenever she’s near large bodies of water, any thought of going to hospitals, and big needles. Rei will try to calmly piece together the incoherent memories through playing music, even at the risk of remembering something painful. Jim is also insecure of his obscurity as a washed-up actor, and feels that Rei deserves to feel proud of having him as a parent. He’s still scared of being called “dad.” Rei caught on to that and only addresses him by name, and never “dad.” So whenever Jim does something rather stupid out of pride (get into a fight with some thugs who were vandalizing his car, or suddenly hide that he might be suffering from cardiovascular problems), Rei will put her foot down and scold him for being irresponsible. Rei has already lost multiple family, and she’s not ready to lose another one.

Even with Rei coming into his life, Jim would still latch on to his former glory days as Darkwing, that the events from “Duck Knight Returns” would still happen. Rei being under his care would actually make his obsession and ego grow worse. Jim is still under misplaced insecurity of believing he needs to be a huge star, in order to be worthy of being called Rei’s father. A shame though, Rei doesn’t care for the whole fame and glory hogwash and cares less about Jim’s obscure fame. She has lived with homeless people and that never bothered her. She may be embarrassed with how immature Jim can be, but she still treasures ever moment she has with him and senses that he truly does care for her. So when the events of “Duck Knight Returns” pass, Rei is devastated and alone once again…for now.

#darkwing duck #ducktales #jim starling #rei starling #rei mallard #darkwing oc #ducktales reboot

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star-force-archive · 5 years ago

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{{Keeping this nice and simple. Blue for Subaru, Pink for Misora, and Red for Gonta.}}

𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 : bonfires, competitiveness, hand veins, loud laughs, messy hair, sneaking out at 2am, abandoned beaches, stray dogs, candle lights, body language, creaking floorboards, ouija boards, having no regrets, karaoke nights out.

𝐓𝐀𝐔𝐑𝐔𝐒 : house plants, oversized sweaters, soft hands, fuzzy socks, visiting big cities, snoozing your alarm clock, the color yellow, vanilla-scented candles, aloe vera, fruit smoothies, baking cookies, the mom friend, loves the ukulele.

𝐆𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈 : femme fatale movies, in love with female villains, sharp eyeliner, quick-witted, does things out of spite, do no harm but take no shit, in love with dogs, (probably cries during sad movies but won’t admit it), (easily excited), ripped jeans.

𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑 : mermaids, easily infatuated by love, smelling flowers, picnics in open fields, gets sad when thinking about the past, (impressed easily), daydreaming in class, plucking fresh fruit, loves fashion, would die for their friends.

𝐋𝐄𝐎 : confident in what they do, kill them with kindness, high ponytails, probably wants to visit paris once, not afraid to tell the truth, in love with cute animals, the one to lift others up, (good at teamwork), the warm feeling of summer, dragons.

𝐕𝐈𝐑𝐆𝐎 : pastel markers, the smell of lavender, has a welcoming vibe around them, actually organized, scrunchies, neat notes, loves going to museums, probably into photography, neutral colors, handwritten letters, stardust.

𝐋𝐈𝐁𝐑𝐀 : soft blankets, cuddling the ones you love, (always standing up for your friends), hopeless romantic, can be very distant, can be a little dramatic, pretty hair, dresses nicely, tries to be popular on social media, optimistic, humorous.

𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐈𝐎 : cottages in the woods, in love with greek mythology, vintage t-shirts, really emotional but doesn’t want anyone to know, determined, moonlight, pretty handwriting, into the retro aesthetic, rainy days, doesn’t judge people, cats.

𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐔𝐒 : always ready for an adventure, street smart, wants to travel the world someday, doesn’t easily trust people, alcohol, paintbrushes, can’t sit still, untied shoelaces, tangled up earphones, blasting music at midnight, eye-gazing.

𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍 : cold aura, coffee is what keeps them going, probably hasn’t slept in two days, actually a big softie, high-waisted jeans, cute pet videos, small apartments, has too many notebooks, often goes to the library, writing essays.

𝐀𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐔𝐒 : loves to paint & do any kind of art, wants to live at the seaside, knows a lot of random facts, shares food, messy notes, bullshits an entire essay, graffiti, has their own distinct style, wants to live their life like they want to.

𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐒 : old teddy bears, unsent love letters, dad-jeans, loves to sing, feels at home by the ocean, writes poetry, hard-workers, always up for deep conversations, probably did the stupid thing, open curtains, a soft breeze.

Tagged By: @em-dualism (Thank ya!)

Tagging: Take it if you want it!

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lanamemories · 5 years ago

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TASK #004

FULL GIVEN NAME — lana rose jameson

NICKNAMES & WHO CALLS THEM THESE — lana banana jst…by the masses…. lala by her teachers when she ws younger bc she wld always b daydreamin n in lala land n not focusin. straight up jst. banana. by her dealer rod. cherry is what she went by when she cammed too bt she doesn’t do tht rn

AGE & D.O.B — 21 (june 2nd)

PLACE OF BIRTH — albany, ny

TOWNS THEY’VE LIVED IN AND FOR HOW LONG — albany, ny until she was 18 aside from a year long gap when she was 16 in which she jst kind of… slept anywhere she cld that wasn’t home. mostly local to her area tho bt sometimes not. then she moved to rochester fr lockwood n has pretty much been there since Babey! she’s travelled a bunch too bt no stays longer than a month so

GUARDIANS NAMES & LOCATIONS — richard jameson is currently in LA i feel like… primping a new label sign bc he’s trying to get the company bk to the Former Glory it had in the 80s n victoria jameson is probably in albany ny doing freelance music journalism stuff bt nt rly… as often at all…. she’s jst in the social circuit nw doing charity stuff to look like she cares abt ppl bt it’s All For Show

SIBLING NAMES, AGES & LOCATIONS — caleb jameson, 24, location unknown. he went off the grid abt a month ago n hasn’t been properly sighted in a full week now bt. doesn’t stop lana frm calling up everyone they kno as well as local hospitals 24/7 Just In Case!

WATERSHED.APP STATUS — sheep

DO THEY HAVE ANYTHING QUESTIONABLE ONLINE? — Boy Oh Boy…… lana literally…….. has abt 12 vids online frm when she did camming of various…. pornographic stuff like…. all sorts honestly jst. wild stuff. threesomes galore. u name it. bt i think that might b the main one….. other than………. a bunch of nudes n stuff like tht. also has probably genuinely. had her tits out on abt 20 ppls snapchat/insta stories at some time bt she jst doesn’t rly care abt tht much. a #freethenipple advocate u cld say

BANK ACCOUNT BALANCE — $4,287

DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE ANY CREDIT CARDS? HOW MANY? DO THEY HAVE A BALANCE AND LIMIT? OF HOW MUCH? — her old ones were frozen when her dad cut her off so nw she just has one with a 10k limit tht she’s a third to the way off hitting

CRIMINAL RECORD — public indecency, public intoxication, also once gt flagged for wasting officers time when her brother put in a missing person’s report bt she was found at a local motel n they didn’t reprimand her properly given the circumstances in which she was found (the man she was with got arrested due to his age). tht wld probably be on the system i think as like…a note perhaps.

HOSPITAL & MEDICAL VISITS / RECORD — she broke her collar bone when she ws younger jumping out of a tree n trying to fly n it ws like. quite a bad break bt she wasn’t taken to the hospital until rly late in the afternoon when it happened in the morning. she’s broken a few bones tbh she ws a very adventurous child n had no supervision. she also underwent like… 3 months of therapy last yr i would say n she paid for that privately. plus i feel like she’s probably had her stomach pumped at least three times especially… in the yrs of being 16-18 bc she rly went hard then. also once did so much mdma that she almost went into serotonin syndrome n had to be admitted then. OH n she almost died once when she ws little like.... 9 yrs old mayb bc she took bites out of a bunch of house plants after watching land before time n they were poisonous if ingested

PRESCRIBED MEDICATIONS — 100mg ritalin for adhd bt. she doesn’t take it. she’s had a whole bunch of prescriptions fr it over the yrs of her trialling diff ones n seeing how she feels on them bt she never takes them fr long n now she jst has like. 5 prescription bottles lined up mostly untouched in her drawer

DO THEY USE ILLICIT DRUGS? — ya she… hs honestly done most drugs at least once bt. her fav is mdma/pills

DO THEY DRINK ALCOHOL? — Big Ya

DO THEY SMOKE WEED AND/OR CIGARETTES? — weed ya bt cigs no

SUBSCRIPTIONS THEY HAVE — netflix, spotify, cosmopolitan, rolling stone.

FAVORITE BOOKS — she read a lot as a child to fill her time bt she doesn’t rly any more her attention span is too bad. younger she loved the hungry caterpillar bc she related to tht need to jst… metaphorically consume everythin in sight to try n feel full of something. never rly had A Favourite Book aside frm tht tho. preferred tv/film

FAVORITE FILMS — moulin rouge, mamma mia, rocketman (this musical theme…), coraline, anything wes anderson probably :/, edward scissorhands, black swan, gremlins.

FAVORITE MUSICIANS — the velvet underground, the beach boys, robyn, donna summer, wild cherry, chromatics, fleetwood mac, anything like… disco/70s or upbeat rock or like… synthy electronic pop she… listens to kind of a diverse range bt. mostly 70s/80s stuff on her record player in her room bc thts the kinds of vinyls she seeks out

FAVORITE GAMES — she rly jst doesn’t hv the attention span fr games bt….. she has a red nds n she plays princess peach sometimes on tht. used to like the old lara croft games too bc they were the only ones of her brothers tht she was ok at playing bt. she never did any missions she just ran around n had a crush on square titted bad video game graphic lara

PAST ROMANTIC / INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS THAT MAY HAVE AN ONLINE PRESENCE — literally so many i–…. ok….. danny nielsen (ex-boyfriend npc/the anti-christ), teddy lawrence (ex-hookup), benji gates (honestly dnt kno wht to call them bt there r texts n pics galore there), syd morrissey (ex-boyfriend), zeke van doren & leo fowler (both current hook-ups n i’m putting them together bc i feel like they probably have a gc n it’s probably a bit unholy 2 say the least), saige beaumont (ex-hookup), beau turner (ex-boyfriend), rory vanderberg (ex-hookup), abt 183749794711947 other various exes n hook-ups tht she’s shared explicit texts/pics w too like…. the list is endless i….. can’t even imagine hw much lana has circulating

MOST FREQUENTLY VISITED WEBSITES — pornhub :/ (she genuinely watches sm porn it’s. a lot), twitter n instagram

DO THEY USE A VPN? — no honestly lana prob doesn’t rly get what that is

WHAT SOCIAL MEDIA DO THEY HAVE? — facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat, tumblr, jst…… most of them bt she isn’t active on a lot except twitter n instagram

ARE THEY ON ANY HOOK-UP OR DATING APPS? WHICH ONES? — she’s on like all of them…. tinder is her main tho. she also sometimes responds to weird hookup ads on craigslist fr the Thrill of possibly being murdered

#wshedtask004 #ok these tws r only rly vaguely touched upon/alluded to bt #drugs tw #statutory rape tw #better safe than....sry lads!#this is formatted without any pretty graphic n task sort of? doesnt lok like a word to me rn? bt whtever

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2334242xiao · 6 years ago

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6 Months Until The Last Snowflake Falls (DenNor)

Hullo! So remember the rp with my friend-- Mengshui (She’s chinese, i doubt she will get tumblr) This fic is sorely based and dedicated to that, with some edits of course because it would make it more dramatic.

Take note: English is my 3rd language so if there are solecisms, then you would know why. Sorry that I didn’t get that graphic with the ‘lemon’ scene because I solely wanted to focus on the emotions instead of that.

I will however link an FF.NET VERSION when I do release it there.

Summary: Lukas Bondevik is a blind violinist who abhors the world. Being blind from birth, Lukas finds it hard to find anything beautiful, only ever self-absorbed and a withdrawn individual who spends countless days playing his musical instrument. Mathias Kohler is an ex-bassist who has yet to come terms with his terminal illness that would render him incapacitated in a few months. After excusing himself from intensive care, the two souls meet and treasure the remaining days Mathias has left before it finally ends.

1st month:

Walking down the pebbled sidewalk, it was the end of spring and summer had set in the lush green trees embittered into a soiled golden brown that brushed past the sidewalk, the mordent smell of coffee brown soil wafted into the air, the numbers bustling to and fro down the jagged path, ducking underneath honey golden leaves that rustled, teeming with life. A lone musician stood in the audience of passersby, eyes closed, skin pale and donning a scarf that wrapped around his neck, dissembling his lips and the tip of his nose that freckled with red.

Lukas Bondevik

The blind violinist prodigy as they’ve acclaimed him to be and no doubt the way his bow danced and how his arms slid back and forth, thread against thread, dancing to the melancholy of his crest-fallen music, bringing forth uncertain despondency, compelling people of different colors, different pasts and labels to flick a coin onto his violin case laid next to him.

A distinct physique halted in front of him and with a mirth-full smirk, flicked his own coin, a cheeky smile ever present on his bubbly face, golden hair brushed of his forehead, in discernable spikes that oddly resembled that of a plant, striking cerulean eyes and a winsome face to win it all.

He clasped his hand together in an audible clap, and Lukas shoulder’s loosened, his bow and violin lowered as if to acknowledge the strange presence in front of him.

“You play really well,” He joshed, his claps waning off into the distance, his interest clearly piqued with how his blue eyes were glazed over and he reluctantly extends his arm, waiting for the other to take albeit; Lukas stayed taut, his eyes closed and for some reason Mathias pondered why it was.

“My name is Mathias Kohler,”

___

2nd month:

Mathias had waited for Lukas to finish his daily tutoring session, which the Norwegian frequently did as a side job, mainly because it helped with the daily expenses. The seasons have turned warm now, the sun scorching and the days grew longer and the night grew shorter. Beads of sweat blossomed from the other’s feverish skin as he awaited for his friend, who later on revealed himself, hobbling out of a twin crested ornate door, probably dark Oakwood, tapping his cane along the small flight of stairs, spurring Mathias to aid him down, only to be deliberately shoved off and rejected.

“Don’t. Pity. Me. Kohler.” He glowered, and he opened his eyes, a blue-gray milkiness that showed only fiery indignation at the other’s advances. Mathias froze up in spot before chuckling riotously, scratching his nape as he did so. “Sorry, Lukas—“He apologizes profusely, head hanging and gaze averted.

He had deciphered over time that Lukas was blind; it was one of the latter’s insecurities and he reprehended anyone who would take pity on him and that include majority of the human population, viewing the world in such a contemptuous, pessimistic view point and perceiving most human interaction as unremarkable and insignificant with little to no outcome, a verdant fruit left to rot.

Somehow despite all of this, Mathias had wriggling himself into Lukas’s daily life and also their interactions have been all but bitter before, it ameliorated and escalated every day until Lukas had found Mathias’s presence to be soothing, propitiating him when he was being trampled by his own insecurities.

___

3rd month

Mathias had noticed over the past days, really how his tousled blonde hair would grow thinner, thinner and thinner until it ruffled away when he combed through it. Obvious distraught in his visage and he felt himself sliding down the bathroom wall, wrapping his arms around the comfort of his legs, face buried against sallow and tender skin as he observed the tufts of wheat that littered around him, the bathroom in disarray, sobs erupted from his throat and his breathed staggered, feeling asphyxiated by the growing apprehensive thought of death knocking around the corner.

As he watched his tears stream from his face like an open faucet, sagely inconsolable, a knock would present itself on his doorstep, accompanied by the incessant pressing of his doorbell. Slowly and surely he gathered himself, wiping the droplets of tears that emerged from the sea of his blue eyes, finally desolating the bathroom after what it seemed like hours.

This wasn’t virtuous; this wasn’t equitable, that sooner or later his friable state would worsen and he would be incapacitated, disfigured in hospital bed, left to die alone.

Putting on a façade was easier than admitting his doubts, his concerns and the demons he had to face when he was alone. It was so much easier to smile through pain than share the sorrow and distraught with people around you.

He treads towards the main door and opens it, seeing Lukas appear, bringing a blissful smile on his face as he did so. The aching faded and diminished extinguished by the blonde that stood on his doorstep, amidst the heat of the summer sun, the cacophony of bird’s chirps drowning off in the background.

“Lukas~!” He exclaimed with jubilation, arms wrapped instantly around the other’s frame causing Lukas to stagger a little backwards, a lone arm wrapped around the Dane’s waist, the other holding a crumpled brown bag with ‘Lukas’ scrawled on top of it. As their faces brushed momentarily could Lukas feel as there was damp flesh slapped against his own, the friction bleak and unusually frigid.

“… Are you OK…?”

___

4th month

The night sky was exhilarating, brilliant bejeweled stars hung themselves against the vast midnight blue atmosphere, the rustling of leaves against the moonlit winds and the whistle of tones at the gales whirled past them. In the midst of a the grass field sat two men, one eyes brilliantly complemented the midnight blue sky and one whose had his close, shrouded in deep shadow by the offset of his brow ridge. They both remained to be cordially taciturn, cumbersome bodies against the pillow of green strands that littered over the field, munificent and abundant.

“The night looks really good tonight!” Mathias had the audacity to point out, causing Lukas to audibly scoff, shaking his head lightly.

Didn’t this buffoon get it? It’s not like he can see it either ways. Mathias was stupid.

Still he baffled himself why Mathias had successfully brought him out in the middle of the night where the temperature was freezing as the autumn sets in and the branches becoming bare, leaves falling leaving them naked. Plants would shrivel and brown and golden leaves littered the ground. Even the greenery had turned a tad earthly and no doubt would hibernate soon, extinguished back to the soil to thrive again in the opening of spring.

“Oh look at that star! It looks like a horse—err—a cat? Dog?” He could even discern even the most simple of information even when he was the one blessed with the ability to see, so his companion could only stifle a small fit of facetious laughter, nearly tearing up at the other’s puzzlement.

“You’re an idiot, you know that Matt?” He called, his breath harrowing underneath him, shuddering as the cold wind pressed against his skin, causing him to rubbing his attenuated fingers along the boney ridge of his right arm. “I can’t see *shit.* “Lukas curses in hilarious profanity, prompting a gasp from Matthias.

“I can’t believe you Lukas! Did you just curse?” For a fact, it was nothing but joviality and buoyancy that tainted the blonde’s voice, rolling his eyes at the other’s misleading attitude, feeling the coldness of the air stick to his skin away, causing him to quiver lightly.

So suddenly before the Dane could muster up another witty reproach, Lukas steels himself just enough to roll over to Mathias’s side nuzzling against the warmth of his torso, laying his head so lightly against the other’s warmth, causing Mathias to constrict, promptly tongue-tied as his diaphragm entraps itself and his heart threatening to burst as his lungs refused to pump.

“For the record…” Lukas stared, his voice drawled as he looked up at what he could only make out at the Dane’s face, a soft smile of hilarity prevailed on his face. “It’s not so bad… Tonight I mean.” Averred the Norwegian and Matthias’s laughs, breath throttling as he tentatively sneaks his arm around Lukas’s thin waist pulling him closer, closer and closer until he could feel Lukas’s breath tickle his face, pressing the ghost of a kiss against fervent lips and both conjectured that truly, the feelings that stirred inside of them were more than just illusions of the weary heart.

It felt like acid lava circulating in their veins rewiring them and the kiss grew more avid over time, passion lapped on the both of them and Matthias takes this advantage to outclass the Norwegian, pushing his tongue in between the other’s jaw, licking along the hollow of his cheeks, the bumpiness of his teeth and the taste that lingered in between them, all the while earnest touches wiped down the other’s body, down Lukas’s sides, up Mathias’s shoulder.

Mathias ends the zestful kiss too soon and a whine pushed its way through Lukas’s parted ones as if in lost, yearning for the touch the other wanted to give him so. Mathias licks his damp lips and suddenly felt so penitent.

“L-Lukas…” He stammered unable to process the grave mistake that he had just allowed to happen, a blunder that he would regret for the rest of his days that would only mar abrasions on his soul when he would pass from the earth, because Mathias was ticking time bomb and nearly at its peak.

“Y-Yeah..?” Lukas pondered if it was something that he did, wondered if it was his fault to stir something wicked and odious inside the other to frenzy his sadness, his deplorable expression that even Lukas knew was prolific on his face.

“I have to tell you something…” Barely a hushed whisper, only amplified enough for the Norwegian to grasp and assimilate the meaning. Lukas was expecting it, three words, and the syllables that would put them both in composure and confirm the other’s bursting feelings.

“I’m dying, Lukas. “ As if three new words spelled death for the other and Lukas felt his heart sink deep into his stomach, felt reprehension and detest pile up in his core, because the other had been so *knavish* allowing Lukas to fall in love with him, allowing it to get this far.

He couldn’t even search for words that didn’t exist and so he lets the sobs take over as he pressed his face against Mathias’s collarbone, gritting his teeth together. “Why does everything I ever care about…? Everything I love everything I give a shit about always leave me…?” He bellowed, deep in sullen, trying to stifle most of his hurt, trying to aid plasters on the wound that Mathias had lacerated him with, leaving him disfigured.

Mathias bore no answer and so silently, he wallowed in self-pity. There was hollowness in the midst of them.

___

5th month

It was night and the heat of the party had gotten the better of them, being invited to the early Christmas party of Tino and Berwald, only leaving both of the blonde incoherent, Mathias mustering the last of his strength to drag Lukas home, though as soon as they Lukas’s back collided with the smooth door, his arms fly around Mathias’s neck, bringing the taller male’s head down, brushing their lips with extreme fervor, his knee digging against his lover’s crotch.

Mathias lets out a throaty gasp in retort, his arms pinning the shorter male’s against the expanse of the door, prompting Lukas to immediately writhe and struggle against the other’s touch, trying to pry Mathias’s inviolable grip to no avail, the Dane’s hand locked him in place and kissed underneath his jaw, down the sensitive skin of his neck nibbling lightly, sucking earnestly, leaving little love marks here and there.

Lukas presses his knee unreasonably hard against the Dane’s nether regions, causing Mathias to retreat and gasp in pain as he did so. “We’re not doing it outside, Mathias—“He shuddered, feeling the air cloud up around him, shivering lightly as he pocketed the key to their house, considering that Mathias had moved in a few weeks ago.

“That fucking hurts, Lukas—“Hissed the other, all the while hands set on his jeans trying to ease and palliate the pain he felt, much to his dismay. It didn’t take Lukas long to creak the door open and unfathomable eyes looked back at his pained boyfriend as if beckoning him inside. “Are you going to whine about it or fuck me?”

At the vulgarities and the scrutiny of his boyfriend, Mathias could feel himself come alive and so zestfully he followed after Lukas, only to press him against the wall, kicking the door shut, the ring of keys dropping on the floor with a clunk and a ring, probably to be found in the midst of all their clatter in the morning.

Mathias takes a long drag, peppering the neck of his lover with much kisses, licks and everything in between, anything that could foster out all those lovely moans from the other male and Lukas wasn’t in the mood to deny him of that to be honest. They rut against in other in unimaginable heat, crotch against crotch, enough to frenzy both of them alive.

It didn’t take long until the two stumbled themselves towards the bedroom, undressing all the way, leaving a litter of clothes after their trail and of course, sooner or later Lukas’s back was pressed against the softness of the comforter and Mathias was on top of his him, pressing kisses all over his face, causing the Norwegian to swat at him. “Q-Quit that! I-I-I-It tickles! M-Mathias, no, s-top!” He exclaimed, voice thundering as he did so squirming in the other’s hold, trying to push Mathias’s face away from his.

“No! I’m a monster and I’ll eat you guts~! Rawr!” Other professed before lunging for the other’s flat stomach and lavishing the skin with much more kisses, causing Lukas to burst out in a strong fit of laughter, gripping the sheets below him. “No! Stop! Stop—Ahhaha- stop!” He cried out, feeling tears teetering from his lashes, streaming down his cheeks.

Mathias slowly retracts his head from the other’s stomach, pressing his weight lightly against Lukas, leaving a kiss on his lips, soft and gentle, before he reached over to the cabinet, pulling out a bottle of lotion, holding it up, pressing the cold container against Lukas’s face, causing the other to furrow his eyebrows. “Stop surprising me idiot!” He upbraided, his eyes sliding open to glare at the direction he perceived his lover’s face was, Mathias drawing the container away from Lukas’s face, a smile of hilarity stained his features before he popped the lid open. “Alright….” He lilted, humming a sing song tune, pressing his fingers against the other’s entrance.

Their rutting came by next and the only audio was the light creaking of the bed and the moans that littered around the air, the musk thick as the two men rocked against each other’s body, groaning and moaning in unison as they did so, scratching marks all over the other’s body, marking, kissing, licking. It was surprisingly soft, a torturous pace but full of love anyways, that and Mathias had the gall to make jokes throughout it, turning it into something full of endeavor in a second. Lukas didn’t really appreciate it, but when both reached rapture and their unwieldy body stuck together, Mathias rolling off of Lukas and heaving a sigh, then a small hobble of laughter followed as he gathered the Norwegian that laid close to him, causing Lukas to press a hand against his face. “No cuddling, you’re sticky and I don’t like it.” He protested, though the next thing he did was rather contradicting, rolling over so he could slink an arm around Matthias’s waist, nuzzling his chest. “Says the one who’s cuddly~” He teased, playing with the Norwegian’s hair.

This was nice, amicable even and the Dane was glad to have lived through their tender moments with his lover. Everything was idyllic and of course the apprehension of dying was still there. Especially since Mathias had noticed that his hair had gotten indisputably thin these past days and his skin turned sallow, and was rapidly losing weight, the blood spitting and nosebleeds had become rampant as well and he was so relieved that Lukas didn’t have to see all that mess, didn’t have to see what a mess Mathias had become.

“Good night, Matthias.” The Norwegian bids farewell, pressing a faint kiss against the other’s cheek, burrowing himself in the warmth that the other offered. With a rueful smile that traced his features, his fingers found themselves tangling in Lukas’s smooth blonde hair. “Good night. I love you.”

____

6th month

“Give us a smile Mathias!” Tino touted from where he was standing, polaroid camera in his hands as he did so. Mathias complied, gracing his friends with a small smile. It had been exceptionally hard to breathe nowadays and the pain he felt was excruciating even when they’d administered pain killers, it only got more and more apparent that Mathias wasn’t going to prevail through this and he could see it beyond the transparency of Tino’s smile or Berwald’s unexplained silence—maybe it was only Lukas who coveted that he fight through, because then the Norwegian wouldn’t be able to go on without the Dane.

He felt ugly.

He felt really ugly.

There was not a strand of blonde hair left on his scalp, his flesh hanging on to the brittle frame of his bones. His eyes were sunken and dulled to a sullen grey color, his lips chapped and he was consistently dehydrated, lips flaking off. Bruises sported all over his body, black, blue and some of them yellow or the verge of healing only to be replaced with new ones. He was hooked onto so many machines, couldn’t even eat by himself and everyday was just another arduous task, another onerous day to live, because his body would flare up with hurt until he was breathless. He would scream until he was deaf, because he longed for death, feeling his body crushed underneath the pressure and those would be the days where Lukas would be the most disconsolate, the streams down his eyes as he tried to conciliate his lover’s pain to no avail, because Mathias would crumble under any touch and plead them, beseech them to let him rest.

He was feeling guilt-stricken. He’d brought this upon himself; he’d brought this upon Lukas. He’d allow the Norwegian to sidle so close to him when he should’ve kept him at arm’s length and now the Norwegian only had to plug his ears close when Mathias was on an outbreak of anguish, begging so profoundly, begging to perpetually to be relieved from the pain, enough to make the strangers outside of the room, peek in out of concern, knowing that the pain couldn’t be alleviated.

Tino retrieves the picture and flick it, letting it set before showing it to Mathias who laid on his bed, incapacitated, barely breathing, and his hollow, sunken eyes drifted to the picture, a smile on his face, a very piteous one indeed.

“I look---“ He rasped, his voice coarse. “I look really ugly without my hair haha—“ He gave the other a farcical laughter, however it was easy to fathom how deplorable the blond was about his condition. He detested being in the hospital, unable to stand, let alone feed himself. It was like his life was hanging on a thread growing shorter and shorter every day. Mathias feels Lukas rise from his spot and sit on his bed, his hand running across the other’s forehead, the other’s scalp, his eyebrows that also had started to fall off because of chemotherapy. “I don’t think you’re ugly.” Lukas proclaimed and leaned to kiss his forehead, just mouthing something in Norwegian that he wouldn’t be able to construe.

“You’re just saying that because you love me—Haha” Rebukes the quivery voice that spoke up, feeling to lethargic to insert any more effort than he should.

“That’s true… I’ll always love you.” It hurt really when Lukas would say those words to someone he knew that he was lose, to someone he knew would go away and yet he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t force his feelings to cease because Mathias has been anything but bad to him. He’d become so essential in the other’s life. He’d become his greatest asset and greatest ultimatum, all concocted into the same man.

“I’ll always love you too, Lukas. Forever.”

___

7th month – Epilogue

He felt the winds past his ears like a careless whisper, touching him in such an intimate way, as if he was an albatross ready to spread his wings, soar through the winds, against the tide and yet his vision remained dark. It was late at night and the snow fell against his upright form, hands tucked deeply inside his pocket. Something about this was rather familiar, like he found himself standing in the midst of the grass fields at night with him.

He had passed away a few weeks ago and Lukas would be fraudulent should he profess that he hadn’t felt the anguish, the fury and the frustration that accompanied itself with a screeching shrill as Tino held him down, as his fingers shook and his knees buckled underneath him, how his heart missed so many beats and how he was convinced that his lungs wouldn’t work and that he was a broken contraption. Everything just fell apart; everything was in disarray and Lukas found himself licking his wounds in solitude, feeling his heart separate in fragmentary pieces.

As he readied himself, he cleared his throat, taking in a deep breath, feeling the feeling still asphyxiating him, still an invisible noose hung around his neck because he’d never found himself so besotted with one person in all his life. Then so suddenly as if the cruel God of Fate decided that they weren’t mean for each other, snagged Mathias from his hold and made him feel so empty.

He bends over, picking up the violin that he set on his feet, tucking it in between his head and shoulder and then he begins to pick up a song that sounded to be oddly familiar, the same song that revolved around their meeting, the same song that drew him closer, made him flick a coin and compelled him to pester the Norwegian everday, despite being lashed at or impudently ignored. Maybe if he did, he would be lost in the orchestra of the song and then he would relive that very same day, have another chance to hug him, kiss him, love him and be with him.

At least as he continued to play the song with match avidity, poised in his position and with an emotional tumor growing inside of him, swelling turgid, blocking his air pipes, strangulating him and yet he knew he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help the pain that was so bittersweet because he knew that forever was just another life away until he would find himself underneath Mathias’s sight again.

Truly, truly. For someone who had never seen the world—a ray of light, or a loom of shadow—the last 6 months with the man he so dotted had been so beautiful.

End.

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kxlebcross · 5 years ago

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[ even numbers for the weird asks, pleaseeee ]

me: has to google what are even numbers lol

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? lollipops, cuz after that i can munch on the lil lollipop stick too which keeps me busy lol

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? i know it totally doesn’t look like that but i used to be the class’ smart kid who participated in all kind of competitons and shit like that, was in the school choir, went to music school... so yeah, i was pretty much your average nerd, but then i grew up stewpid haha

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? a weird mix of tomboy and grunge, depending on the day and actual mood, weather and whatever the hell i got clean lol

8. movies or tv shows? movies - i usually lose interest in every series after like... 2-3 episodes? i only finished like 3-4 deries in my whole life so i guess the number speaks for itself

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i used to be pretty good at volleyball back then, though i was always considered too short to be on the school team haha

12. name of your favorite playlist? am 4:44 with a little moon emoji, made by yours truly (aka me)

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? i don’t really eat sweets... but when i do i go for sour jellies but idk if that counts as candy haha

16. most comfortable position to sit in? have you ever saw one of those “bisexuals can’t sit normally” memes? pretty much all of those, i always sit in random poses until my back gives in, i don’t have a favorite position tho

18. ideal weather? the summer night’s warm weather with a little breeze, maybe with some clouds... but i usually enjoy rains and thunderstorms too unless i have to go out because then i’m like bruh

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? depends on what i have to write - for school notes i usually use a notebook and/or my laptop; for stories - my laptop or my phone’s notes if the inspiration gets me outside; everything else i’ll just write on random scraps of paper or in random notebooks just to never find them again haha

22. role model? i don’t really.... have one? i rather have a motto to live by but i don’t really look up to anyone tbh

24. favorite crystal? don’t have one, i dunno shit about crystals lol

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? go out for a nice walk or some drink with my friends, walk my cat outside or just chill on my balcony with a boo while terrorizing my neighbors with a randomly chosen edm playlist

28. five songs to describe you? human by sevdaliza badmind by kuzi scar by foxes throat full of glass by combichrist 5:3666 by machine gun kelly

30. places that you find sacred? uhhh..... i can’t really think of any that would fit here? but i never really step in weird plant formations in forests and shit like that, cuz better be safe than sorry

32. top five favorite vines? i literally only have one favorite vine and it’s the two guys chillin in a hot tub, thats it

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? every seasonal whiskas one because of the baby cats.... but other than that i haven’t seen an ad in ages, i don’t have tv and use adblock on pc haha

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? i...c an’t remember, it was probably one of the rage comics or trollface comics? can’t really recall tbh it was ages ago

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade, with lots of ice cubes and mint, give it to me pls

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? well in elementary some guy from the older classes took a sh*t then went to one of the classrooms to wipe his ass with the curtains there lol also some other time someone pissed out of the window on the first floor in high school someone gassed the whole school with pepper spray, but like an insane amount, and everyone went immediately panic mode, police and firemen were called, the whole school evacuated..... and the one responsible for that had to pay like an insane amount of money for the police/fire dept. action haha

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets, i don’t trust jacket pockets cuz they usually dont have a lil zipper to close them up and i’d totally lose my phone if i put it there, im stewpid like that

44. favorite scent for soap? orange-vanilla or some other citrus-y scent

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? anything oversized will do with some pants/underwear

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? probably a grapefruit, fucking bitter about everything lmao

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? once i laughed at a plastic bag being dragged around by the wind for like 10 minutes while being fucked up drunk... does that count?

52. favorite font? hands down times new roman

54. what did you learn from your first job? that the customer isn’t always right and that apparently i had a knack for putting down tiles

56. favorite tradition? does halloween count? i love halloween

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i’m a really good driver.... and i think that’s it? i really can’t come up with anything else... does being loud and obnoxious sometimes count? and i think i’m good enough with people too... and i think i’m a good listener? idk, i’m pretty useless tbh

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? give me the good old horror and make me the obnoxious side character who rarely ever speaks cuz no one ever asks them anything, that would pretty much resemble my actual life

62. seven characters you relate to? bojack horseman, sal paradise, loki from mcu, wednesday addams, oba yozo from no longer human, richie tozier, holden caulfield

64. favorite website from your childhood? club penguin! i wasted sooooo much time on there, sheesh....

66. favorite flower(s)? i really like succulents and ferns! and cactuses... or anything that’s low maintenance tbh

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? licorice... and also cucumber lemonade, gross

70. left or right handed? right

72. worst subject? i’m really bad with history and physics, i’m just way too dumb for those

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? around 9-10, i’m pretty much used to all my chronic pains and tbh i don’t like taking pain meds cuz i always have to take double because once i was misdiagnosed and spent almost a year on painkillers so barely anything works for me now... thanks public healthcare

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? fries... i’d love some now, i’m actually hungry

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? coffee from gas station, now pretty much all of them have decent coffee machines and the prices are okay too and i definitely trust them more than any boxed sushi ever

80. earth tones or jewel tones? jewel

82. pc or console? i grew up as a pc kid and tbh never had the money for a console so i just got stuck with it haha

84. podcasts or talk radio? if i necessarily have to choose then podcasts

86. cookies or cupcakes? both as long as its witch choccie

88. your greatest wish? let’s be realistic - i’d like to have my own place and little car and cats and i’d be all good

90. luckiest mistake? drunk kissing this one guy from my esports team after telling him i was a lesbian and he told me he had a girlfriend, it was stewpid tho, lets not get back to it

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? sunlight and fairy lights, the latter necessarily in blue, it’s just neat and doesn’t bring in all the mosquitos at summer when i leave the window open

94. favorite season? spring

96. desktop background? some assassin’s creed logo fanart i’ve found on alphacoders

98. favorite historical era? i.... really...... hate....... history...... blame it on my middle school teacher who made me hate it lol

#answered #kush speaks #thanksies <3 #kuwentista #i really cant do math huh......

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stvlti · 7 years ago

Text

11 Questions

i was tagged by @privatekururugi, @espiadimonis, and @transguynoriaki a while ago. each gave me a set of 11 questions to answer, so i will answer these 33 questions. i’m not gonna tag anyone in particular, but if you see this do feel free to have a go at any or all of these sets of 11q’s.

from @privatekururugi:

1) Do you have any specific diet you go by? (Vegan, Gluten-Free, Paleo, etc.) i used to be pescetarian, but then the deficiencies it gave me caused some pretty bad dental / gum problems, so i started eating a bit of lean chicken and pork on the side again... (yeah i know supplements exist, but even my nutrition major of a friend thought a pescetarian diet won’t yield deficiencies, and also supplements are fairly expensive. get off my case)

2&3) Do you have any siblings? If so, how close are you? nope, i’m an only child

4&5) What’s your favourite book and why? (I might want to read it lol) hmm. i still really like 1984, it was the first dystopian classic i read and the concept of Newspeak, tampering with historical authenticity on such grand scales, etc. just blew my mind. so even though i still dislike its weakass character-writing (p much anyone besides Winston has no personality, no distinct personal motives, etc), it’s got a soft spot in my heart. next to that i also liked A Clockwork Orange for the philosophical discussion of the nature of right and wrong (although in hindsight the story is a bit didactic); To Live by Yu Hua (the ill-fated episodes and tragic ends are made all the more absurd by the subtle and simply narration style, but it really is a humbling and informative experience for us readers of a different era and socioeconomic background); and of course, my favourite fable, A Little Prince.

6) Would you describe your personality as dominate or submissive overall? what the fuck kind of question is this. well i’m opinionated as heck, so i’m not submissive “personality-wise”. and that’s all i’ll say on the matter because i’m p sex-indifferent lol, if that’s what this question was trying to get at.

7) What are your dreams usually like at night? oh man. i usually don’t dream normal dreams; as in, most dreams i have is either one big adventure / story, or some bizarre situation that would have been questionable at best, fucked up at worst, in real life context. when i start dreaming about mundane everyday life problems or situations, like failing a test or being stuck with a friend i’ve cut off from my life years ago, that’s usually when i’ve got some kind of stress going on in my life.

(i’ve been trying to restart my dream journal tag actually, but i got stuck on my second entry trying to recall the specifics lol. maybe i should release entry #3 from the drafts first.)

8) Is there anything you’re currently anxious about? well, yeah. my future. my job prospects. being homeless once my parents decide to sell their house off for retirement because the housing prices are through the roof here. pick one.

9&10) Are you looking forward to Thanksgiving? Will you be contributing anything? we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving!

11) Whose your favourite Death Note character (if you have one)? Light Yagami, even though he’s a slimy fox.

from @transguynoriaki:

1. What kind of music do you listen to?

hmm, i only listen to really slow music or something dark or rock-ish, nothing in between!! muahahaha!!

okay that’s generalising it; i do love The Honey Trees and The Novembers, which are on opposite ends of the “slow” spectrum (one’s dream pop, the other’s infused with shoegaze and other distortions + some screamy vocals and loud noises at times), with Lana Del Rey and her decadent sounds smack in the middle lol. but yeah i certainly have a taste for the more atmospheric stuff, so aside from the fuzzy feelings of The Novembers’ stuff and the grandness of Lana’s string instrumentals i also like the darker chill vibes you get from The Neighbourhood, some of The Weeknd’s older stuff, etc.

and I also really enjoy MCR, Muse and the like - i.e. dramatic sounds, that’s the good shit to me haha.

i also like more conventional pop acts like Lorde... and my fave local singer, Ivana Wong, of course!

2. Do you prefer to keep your living space neat and tidy or do you like a certain amount of mess?

i do prefer order and routine in my life, sadly if i can’t do that on a structural level you think i can do that with my desk?! lol. in an alternate universe, maybe.

3. What was the first ship you remember really shipping?

hmm probably TerraxBeast Boy from CN’s Teen Titans. i was lukewarm / indifferent to other canon pairings i’ve seen in media up until that point; but i guess i was more persuaded by the storyline than their characterisations as looking back there are glaring trust issues in their relationship (and that’s an understatement)

4. Do you have a certain show or book series that holds a lot of nostalgic value for you? If so, what was it?

hmm, i guess Courage the Cowardly Dog? (i was a weird kid but shush) and Teen Titans of course. as for books, hmm... ASoUE is definitely one of the ones that just takes me back to middle school. i even bought the Beatrice letters files thingy. tbf the whole Lemony Snicket universe did teach me a lot about cryptography, which i guess if me or a friend of mine were to do an L rp and solve cases it would help a lot (*cough* not saying that’s what’s happening right now because i’ve got other stuff i’m investing my time into. i guess my friend’s gonna make themselves scarce as well hahaha *cue Mariah Carey’s i can’t read gif except it’s L*)

5. What is your favorite type of food?

Italian and Japanese are my fave cuisines! i guess that means i love richly-flavoured foods and creamy stuff. ooh, love those sauces.

6. Was there ever a fad or activity from your childhood that you could never understand or get into?

i wasn’t a gamer at all. we didn’t own a single console and i wasn’t allowed to get a handheld. the most i had was a Tamagotchi. so i guess it’s not so much i never got that ‘fad’, just that i was never given the opportunity to discover the really good games. i’ve only ever played a bit of Mario Kart or Cooking Mama on my cousin’s NDS so yeah. didn’t see the appeal in the more light-hearted games like that.

(now that i’ve played Undertale i’m kinda wanting to explore more PC games though. i heard Papers Please is good, and PJ (@kickthepj)’s been recommending Hyper Light Drifter a lot, and the art looks amazing, so yeah... too broke to get them though... and even if i had the money and time to play them i’d be allocating it towards other stuff you know?)

7. What’s your favorite time of day?

well i got 2 fave time periods. the first one’s the witching hours between midnight and early morning, when the world is quiet and you could do anything and nobody would know. the other one is early morning, just after sunrise, and the air is clear and slightly chilly, and it’s also really quiet but you can just hear the birds tweeting somewhere.

i’m more likely to be awake for the first time period described here though... ._.

8. What’s your favorite type flower and why?

hmm i'm not really a flower person. i’m just gonna steal Luke’s answer and say cactus flowers haha (well i do like cacti, they’re some of my favourite plants; i even named my IG/Twitter and Pokemon Go usernames after the plant; also some of you might remember that i had a pet cactus for 8 months)

9. What’s your favorite cliché/trope in fiction?

lovers running out of time...

10. Did/do you do any extracurricular activities when you were in school and what were they?

(wow Luke that’s a lot on your resume!)

i did bits and bobs throughout school, but perhaps my longest commitment was my Clarinet lessons. started when i was in Year 2, carried on until i obtained a Pass in Grade 8 ABRSM certificate in Year 10. i had to quit and give up on a diploma there because i was starting the IB diploma programme in Year 11...

this commitment is only rivalled by the dance classes i took. i did ballet from a young age until i was about 12~13, quitting just before en pointe shoes were introduced; i had also been in Chinese dance lessons from Year 1, so after quitting ballet i just focused on that until Year 10 as well (again, quitting to focus on my full-time diploma).

i also did Taekwondo as a child and obtained a black belt qualification by age 12. i quit once i did though, because again i couldn’t afford to juggle so many commitments the older i got and the more demanding my studies became.

perhaps the proudest extracurricular i’ve done is in my senior years of high school: i started and chaired the student committee as the editor in-chief for the school’s first student-ran and seasonal (now monthly) publication. it’s not student-ran either anymore because i guess the kids that came after the classes of 2014, 2015, and 2016 just dgaf about slightly more demanding extracurriculars that require organisation as long as they can earn their credits elsewhere (yes i’m salty, i’m allowed to be okay, it was my brainchild but apparently kids these days don’t care about having their voices heard if it means having to negotiate diplomacy with the adults in charge. god, how do they expect to survive in uni or in a workplace?)

11. What’s your favorite piece of work that you’ve ever created and what about it do you love so much?

hmm. i think for sure the prose poem i wrote about Light’s death in the anime. idk, the flow and the imagery is just a good concentrated example of what i could be capable of given the right tone and context. (of course, i’ve been trying hard to branch out in genres and forms, so that sort of language isn’t always applicable. but yeah, it remains my fave as a showcase of my best writing abilities ^_^)

and from @espiadimonis:

1.If you could have one piece of death note merchandise of any kind, what would it be?

oh man! i’ve been pining after the Hot Topic official DN poker card deck for quite some time! i’ve checked Blue Banana while i was in the UK, but it’s not available there, and it’s not at Tokyo Toys either (they do sell a DN playing card deck, but it’s a lot cheaper in design :/)

2.What’s your favourite 3D animated movie?

does Lego Batman count? if not, then i guess Zootopia.

(there’s a reason these 2 are listed in my bio fandoms list like...)

3.What superpower would you like to have?

i used to always choose levitation / flying, but lately i’m not so sure. i’ve heard a lot of compelling arguments for other powers haha.

you know what, i’d trade for something as simple as better control of my own brain. i don’t care about mind control over others; i just want to be able to harness the best parts of my lightning fast thought processes and out-of-the-box thinking on my best days without being constantly tripped up by executive dysfunction like that on a metacognitive level.

4.Favourite piece of clothing?

my soft furry hoodie, which i’m wearing right now! <3

5.Who’s your favourite Sailor Scout?

i don’t have one, sorry! i was 4 when it aired on TV, so i don’t remember much from those years except the Sailor Moon t shirt i got courtesy of my aunt because it was all the rage back then... i’m sorry, but i have more vivid memories of Pretty Cure and Sugar Sugar Rune!

6.Do you prefer potato chips chocolate?

it is a good combo for sure! we are talking about Royce’s chocolate potato chips, right? (if you haven’t tried it get some next time you or a friend/family goes to Japan! we can buy it locally from like Citysuper or something, but i doubt they export it to any countries beyond East Asia haha)

7.What song makes you feel melancholic?

oh, Six Billion did last week. it left me feeling cold all over. an effect from the combination of the layered vocals and the instrumentals i guess. (is it in minor key? i’m sorry i can’t tell anymore, it’s been far too long since i’ve had any musical training. but if it’s in minor key it would explain why.)

there’s also some of the stuff off The Novembers’ catalogue... mostly 終わらない境界 from To (melt into), which was my daily commuting soundtrack at a time when i had brainfog on a regular basis, so yeah, anxiety and all that fun stuff :/

8.Which dn character would you invite to Spaceland(the amusement park)?

Sayu or Matsuda? they deserve a lot more than the hand canon dealt them. hmm maybe Rem too? but she wouldn’t be able to interact with a lot of the stuff there :/

9.What’s the funniest movie you ever watched?

i guess The Lego Batman Movie? i’m sorry i know i keep bringing this film up, but it’s comedic genius for a “kid’s movie”.

10.You can only choose one pokémon! Which one do you choose?

Blissey was gonna be my go to answer. she’s a tank, have you seen her? but is she really my fave mon? debatable. idk man. i really liked Vulpix/Ninetales as a kid... but dark and ghost types though!! okay i can’t choose, next question

11.What made you happy recently?

i went to another poetry event last night and i met up with a friend i haven’t seen since September :P

#tag meme #long post

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