#TELL ME IF IM BEING STRANGE
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AND I'M A SHADOW OF A GHOST
IT'S FEELING AS IF SOMEBODY HAS TAKEN HOST
BABE I DON'T WANNA MAKE A SCENE
BUT I GET SELF DESTRUCTIVE
AND IT'S DRIVING YOU AWAY
IT'S DRIVING YOU AWAY
PIECE BY PIECE
DAY BY DAY
#particles#nothing but thieves#screaming lyrics into the void#BABYYYYYYYYY#TELL ME IF IM BEING STRANGE#AND IF I NEED TO REARRANGE#MY PARTICLES#I WILL FOR YOUUUUUUUU#this song has been on my mind a lot lately and i feel hollow
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Oofurixmas2022 for @meela-31
#oofuri#oofurixmas2022#IVE REPOSTED THIS SO MANY TIMES IM SORRY#meela-31#ren mihashi#abemiha#abe takaya#I hope u like it.. 😵😵😵😵#anyway… chill air… being 1 on 1 together outside of school… always so strange and intimate#abe is saying like hey youre blocking the walkway.. or smth… hes so cheeky#im imagining a fic in my mind#like. do you guys get me. mihashi is sitting on the stoop while abe is checking out and hes eating his sandwich#its probably a stupid late time and its quiet and empty and his hands and face are chilly and#and hes about to take a bite and then the door opens and he feels a bag get dropped on his head and its like… a point of contact and its#silly and mundane but its affection idk. ans then abe tells him to move. ugh. love is love#ITS LIKE A SMALL THING THATS LIKE… WE’RE FRIENDS.. you like me.. and it feels goos#THATS ALL#anyway thats why i chose this ver over the one w tajima it got that feeling better. anyway
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No. I wanna be with you. Sleep in the same bed with you all night. Not get kicked out at midnight so the neighbors won't see me leaving in the morning.
FELLOW TRAVELERS (2023) 1.03 | HIT ME
#fellow travelers#tvedit#fellowtravelersedit#cinematv#cinemapix#tvgifs#matt bomer#jonathan bailey#such a simple scene but so many things to unpack and love!!! from tim not being afraid to stand his ground#to hawk not belittling or denying his wants and not correcting him when he said couple#tim you dramatic sensitive baby you deserve the world yeah you go tell him what you want#also obsessed with the slightly amused glint in hawk's eyes#that 'obviously' is strangely endearing to me idk why#im so obsessed with them im gonna cryyyyyyyy again#mine#m: gifs
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hey jayden? yeah can we talk about how lyrics like this are in your charles playlist? hello???
#some of these songs are so on the nose it’s CRAZY im genuinely kind of surprised he was allowed to be so overt#like given the whole confession situation is still yet to be resolved and all that#it’s one HELL of an insight into the likely future (if/when we get a future) of the plot and character developments oh mannnn#try and tell me im being presumptuous try and tell me this song (and several others) is meant to refer to someone other than edwin#im so serious. it feels so strange to NOT be reaching honestly im so used to looking for tiny little subtextual crumbs in other shows#this shit just hits me like a truck#payneland#rambling#charles#charles rowland#and yeah one last thing. this is legit the kinda lyrics fanfic authors use at the beginning of their fics to set the tone for the characters#involved and whatnot#which is just . wow
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iron / heart
Part of LoL Esports Elemental Series.
#lolelements#lol esports#t1 faker#t1 oner#t1 zeus#t1 gumayusi#t1 keria#skt bang#skt wolf#skt bengi#skt kkoma#warning: MAJOR yapping incoming below#thinking about still here.mp3 and 'gripping with my cold hands the shapes i used to take'#'it could all end here with the strange daylight caught in our eyes'#'my shadow stretching out through all the things i left behind'#opening ceremony+t1 has everything they need to put me on a stretcher to ER#images from lol esports flickr (2016 worlds either finals or semis i goofed and forgot)#(and msi 2024 brackets features and worlds 2024 semis features)#there is a universe where i collected more pics and put a bit more thought into which word should go to who#but that universe also involves me doing this at a time that is not 5am#this is my last one probably twas lots of fun but new things on the horizon for me#this post is scheduled to post on finals day but just know that i am awake and shitting my pants over worlds finals#then recovery period and then im shifting into arcane mode#being completely deranged is a full time commitment never let anyone tell you otherwise#lil pat on the back for myself for successfully posting one per day til finals EVEN if they were sorta mediocre or dupes hahaha#special thanks to t1 for making it to semis because if they didn't there's a chance i would have lost steam LMAO#work school and the physical need for sleep work hard#but the esports demons in my brain work harder
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Why are you stanced like that you're 60
#they draw him all silly then in the next panel 10 people want to kill him and file lawsuits#NOT JOKING!! in the next page luke cage and jessica jones want to punch him and she hulk is telling him every lawsuit being made against hi#which is like more than 20 likely#superior spiderman#superior spider-man#superior spider man#my weird bug and hes strange..#im the one saying 'one second-- god--“ because ghats me having to take a short walk after seeing my bug act silly#a baby also calls him poopy head in this one#the difference between early comic superior and my beloved 2019 superior is that#2019 superior would have started crying if a kid called him poopy head
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#luna lovegood#ive reached a stage of acceptance for being cringey on here!#8 year old me did not write the adventures of luna lovegood for her to go under appreciated on my silly little blog#she means so much to me I take her so seriously#her mother died! in front of her from an experiment from venturing out and trying new things#her dad is a strange eccentric and isolated journalist#she is confused and brave#she has fallen so disconnected from the real world and real sensations! she opperates in a world of her own#her and harry... the parallels of their disconnection#im yapping over her if any of you have ever thought anything about her please tell me!!!!
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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Imagine the awkwardness if in that Mikoto Prank Show ask however, if no one but Es and Jackalope were in on it… And they somehow got everyone’s crimes perfectly right.
LMAO 💀💀💀
Jackalope and Es are in on it, and they don’t even need to guess them -- the machine can be legit! As any good businessmen, they put this newfound life-changing technology to good use: reality TV. They get a hold of 10 random people, planning on editing and splicing the videos to make up some crazy stories about crime and guilt and see how people react. They chose an range of people that might feel guilt over something -- they assume doctors feel bad for losing patients even though they did their best, or policemen regret the people they can't save, or chronically online people feel responsible for things they're connected to -- but that's all.
They get to Haruka’s interrogation and Es comes back to the team going, “hey, did you guys watch the video? Crazy that this guy killed animals, huh.” Then Yuno’s rolls around and they go “shit I never would have thought she was the type for that, now she’s overthinking her abortion…” Then Fuuta. “What are the chances that so many people feel incredibly guilty over someone else’s death? Does everyone feel a secret responsibility for something that happened indirectly?” Then Muu. “Okay that was pretty direct. How did we find these people? Should we contact anyone about this? No? Okay.” Shidou. “?????” By the time they get to Mahiru’s interrogation and she readily admits to murder they’re like “yeah okay, I had a feeling.”
The funniest part is, Mikoto is the team's only hopeful case! From the very beginning, they hear him talking around the prison and everyone breathes a long sigh of relief. “Finally! A normal, not-murdery guy! Our show is saved! We have someone real to prank!” … And then.
(Slightly off-topic but I’ve always wanted to write a comedy normal au in which Es befriends the cast in different areas of their life; Amane is transferred to their school after her incident, Mahiru works in a nearby store, Shidou works at their local clinic, etc.) One by one they get close enough to Es to really trust them, and each confess to being involved with a death that was either indirect or very well covered up. The first few times it’s a beautiful moment of trust and vulnerability, but after like five confessions Es is sitting there like “seriously?? How does this keep happening????”)
#milgram#asdfsdf thank you this has been cracking me up#just looking at the t1 videos it still seems pretty plausible#es is like 'wow what a crazy coincidence :)'#and then from muu's forward they just come back and sit with jackalope in complete stunned silence#im picturing the fucked up tails face while watching shidous video#es: are you SURE we're not the ones being pranked? this is getting ridiculous#they decide to just never tell the prisoners it was a prank because how do you even explain that now😂😂😂#'hey youre internet famous and have a strange amount of people thirsting over you. also everyone knows what you did. bye' ����#i dont have the patience for such a long normal au but yeah the idea always kills me#its the 'am i so broken i keep attracting toxic people' thing except with literal murderers asdfsdf#ask#analysis/thoughts#long post
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going through the jade shadows tag reveals a lot of people that should go and talk to a woman in real life
#jade shadows spoilers#->#future me: im being unnecessarily mean in the tags here. its all whats going through my mind rn. no filter. thats why its rude#theyre saying her bodily autonomy was discarded because the plot gave her... bodily autonomy. make sense!#wf#youre playing this game thats probably the most progressive Huge multiplayer game#and you take issue because a woman had agency but you didnt like her decision#and considering from just the writer's standpoint. this isn't strange at all. this happens. women want children#if you listened to the fucking story youd see that they were trying to save HER. and SHE decided to go against them. it was her wish#AGAIN. this happens in real life! jfc#she did have lines#maybe there shouldve been more. but you could tell the quest was rushed. short n sweet. you cant expect TNW levels of story#she also didnt just... lie there. she beat back tenno(?) to help stalker. then became comatose#I got a womb. I don't want a child. but this story is realistic. I can empathize with it because I don't have internet brainrot#DE has several women in leadership. isnt rebbeca the main director? idr. i forget who people are#but anyway. this had to have been vetted by more than one woman
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WAIT YOU'RE FICTO TOO!?!? (saw your tags) (has also only ever been attracted to fictional characters)
Ye! o/ Aromantic/Aegofictosexual! (Aegosexual + Fictosexual)
(For anyone that doesn't know, that means I'm only attracted to fictional characters, and only when I'm not involved)
#ask#luesmainblog#simplified to aroace or aroaspec when it doesn't seem like a good time to get into All That#there were Signs growing up but i still spent like. 20yrs of my life thinking i was straight#(despite the fact that i was definitely attracted to both male and female characters)#other people got the “oh i must be bisexual” asexuality experience i got the “eh everyone's ugly and mean” experience#strangely im fine with 2nd person pov stories but NOT with anything else that tries to close the distance between me and it#it was different when i was younger though#i was REALLY into shipping myself with my favorite characters when i was still in high school#for others that's how they'll be forever because that's how their sexuality works#for me it faded once i got friends that didnt make me feel deeply unwanted#i dont like being perceived as Attractive or Sexually/Romantically Desirable personally#so anything that tries to tell me i am or treat me like i'm part of the situation tends to give me a really bad feeling of repulsion#funnily enough i am very much attracted to my own body type and features in fiction#and making characters that way does give me a boost of confidence in how i look
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how to tell my parents that i don't know how to let them be my parents again because i've spent the last 2 1/2 years since my brother died taking care of them and trying to be okay with the fact that when he died i lost them too and now that they're trying to be there for me as parents again it's freaking me out
#like its been about him for so long its genuinely jarring that they're suddenly actively trying to put me first#and ask for my input on like. holidays and how im doing in school or with my grief etc etc#and thats not their fault! they lost their child of course they fell apart anf i dont blame them#but i had to learn to take care of them and put them first and somehow also piece myself back together without them#i dont really know what im saying i just feel like theyre being parental again and its just. strange#and if i tell them that they'll feel bad and i dont want that bc its genuinely not their fault#text
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um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing
#like what do you mean full time salaried w benefits and paid vacation just to do. school.#what made you so enthusiastically think i was the perfect one to do this#when the last approx 20something other guys were like ummmm no you cannot do it#tbf like all that other shit up there aside#this did actually come at the perfect time#i look back on who i was during my masters and i legit do not recognize that person#i barely even remember it i have to look at pictures to think back on who i was#in a strange roundabout way being forced home to stay for a while#kind of re centered me and gave me time to come back to myself in a big way. i was really lost before#and chaining something like this directly after my masters would have been disasters#even like this time last year i did not have this level of mental clarity#and i think thats why i didn't get any of the other positions i was just in a fog and i think people could tell#so as much as like im super scared and nervous about this big change and big exit from my comfort zone#and a little sad and mournful that im leaving my family and wont hear my native language all day every day anymore#im the most ready ive ever been#2019 me was NOT ready im scared of her tbh!! idk what wave i was on but it was weirdo shit!#im also proud that i essentially rawdogged and brute forced a lot of introspection and improvement#entirely on my own#like i really can only just describe it as clarity i feel like i matured 10 years in 4 and cleared all the fog#i feel so good about the way i handle things and react to things now vs then#im like 500x more unbothered and actually know how to put myself first now#anyway uh this prob could have been its own post in and of itself#but woteva innit im proud of how much internal repairs i did on myself over the last few years#became a stable genius as it were#whos a lot more clearly defined and present#but fuck man! i am still scared of being 2stupid
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gruxime makes me a little insaneeeee esp from maximes perspective cus its like. damn. a hell of my own creation.
#like even outside of shipping or w/e if maxime hadnt embarrassed gru at homecoming they cld have been friends. more even#meeeee when im miserably unhappy in my group of friends trying to live up to something i can never be#instead of being myself w ppl who get it#it does make me smile that they seem to be on good terms at the end of 4 and makes me think that like. maybe gru never rllyyyy hated him..?#like to maxime it was world ending catastrophe but gru likes destroying ppls will to live for fun even as a kid#autism to autism communication… FAILED.#undecided on if gru wld have liked maxime back or not. at least in canon#ummmm. i think it cld be possible. but in a weird confused rivarly kinda way#like maxime is so bad at giving mixed signals that gru genuinely cant tell if he likes him or wants him dead for ages#like when ppl go ‘oooh hes just being mean cus he likes u’ but like. genuinely#um kind of a tangent but my thoughts for gru at lpb is that he mostly keeps to himself and doesnt rlly have any friends#but he dgaf (effect of literally never having had anyone close to him b4)#in comparison to maxime who is all abt cliques and surrounded by ppl …. but still alone 😔💔#i do think some of maximes friends wld be actually nice tho. like in the same position as him#everybodys just trying to fit in. u know#anyways i think gru wld spend 99% of his time either alone or chilling w the minions#but its just nicer for him to mostly be left alone instead of bullied by like. the whole school#btwwwww interesting that when maxime mocks him at the reunion 1. everyone laughs and 2. gru looks surprised that everyone laughs#like hm damn maybe having crazy popularity and connections pays off. Damn.#he doesnt seem to be bullied while actually at the school as ppl cheer for him at the show#i think this is maybe a byproduct of gru being considered a failed villain in the current day#HEY BTW i thought it was a littleeee strange that gru being an avl agent isnt like. common knowledge among villains. seems like big news#that wld have leaked somehow. but idk maybe he got lucky or the avl covered it up#but damn after the reunion they DEFINIETLY all know. cld be an interesting setup to dm5 [blinks cutely]#lol. anyways. my thoughts
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i need to ramble hold on. spawns in a cut so that people dont get blasted by unfiltered posting on their dash. i feel the need to disclaim that im only like 50% lucid right now so this might be disorganized or complete word salad i can't really tell right now
i love him so much it feels like it's consuming me from the inside out. i don't want to do anything that isn't for him. the only reason i haven't quit my job is because i want to make him proud of me. even playing games makes me guilty, because i know it's not with him. i married harvey in stardew. i ate the stardrop for getting 12 hearts as i kissed him. the taste reminded me of hinata. it's a strange irony.
this false body feels like it's trapping me, keeping me from achieving my true metamorphosis. there are streetlights glimmering in the distance. as i try to move towards them they always fade away. the morning will come in 7 hours and 43 minutes and the sun will rise and it won't blind me awake. i'm not reverent enough.
i should pray. not to jesus, not to any other false prophet. i should pray to Him. maybe that will bring me salvation? maybe that will free me from this hell? maybe it happened because i was unworthy of being one of his trusted apostles. if i was as holy as he was it would have been different, i would still have been beneath him but i would have served my divine purpose as his servant.
but that's not important. i dont think. im jor sure. i hate it. i hate Him. i feel like i should Worship him. there's a certain something i still havent fixed a glitch in my code i need ocean breeze summer sun beach sand shining brilliance he's perfect i need him i need warm sun and dry land i need to be with him on the floor i need to hold him i need need need need need need need.
more than air more than food more than clean clothes more than water more than anything else more than i need this terrible mortal life i need to become worthy for him of his love of his care of his touch i wont deny that i selfishly want him to hold me and touch me even though im unworthy even though im no more than dirt beneath him i desire him so deeply
#... servant's song ♪#🍊 ☆ beloved .ᐟ#i find that when im speaking more like... me. i use much more periods and much less exclamation points.#i wonder sometimes if i absorbed stanley at least in part. he very rarely fronts anymore and he talks like “me.”#but that's always how he spoke. before i came back in full. we never fully let go of being me but there was a period of time last year#from december of 2022 to at least november of last year#that i wasnt hosting. which was strange to say the least. it was stanley‚ and then jules. i think our body just couldnt take it anymore#but jules especially inherited all of the worst parts of me. the panic attacks. the delusional episodes. the delirium#he nearly wandered into the road once because he thought elim was calling him back home‚ that he needed to return to cardassia#slowly i came back. his similarities certainly helped me re-assert myself much more seamlessly.#it's almost like i never left. i don't know how to describe it. it's odd.#i feel almost like a parasite. like i'm not living a life that was built for me.#even though i've done all of the work. even though this world was quite literally built for me. even though it speaks to me through the cod#recently‚ the universe has been telling me about my future. and about storms‚ big ones that i'm in the center of.#it worries me. am i just in the eye of a hurricane? where i am i'm still dry. is that only temporary? another storm is coming#im on the end of the 6th loop of the roller coaster. there's another coming up. i worry it'll kill me. i hope i can survive and return home#maybe stanley will re-take the body. or jules. i havent seen him since i returned. even his source can't front trigger him anymore.#maybe he returned to his home. i hope he has. i hope his life on cardassia is beautiful despite all the terror#i see myself in him. i hope i can follow his example. return to my destroyed home and work to build a better future. l#hinata always talked about building the future. he knew there was a path we could carve out for ourselves. i#i want to do the same for myself. here. i want to carve a way back home.#simulated daydreams#<- i think#that tag started as a tag to scream about our ex when we were sobering up but its much more catchall nowadays
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I'm actually going to gnaw my own hand off.
#FICTIONAL BLONDE MAN HAS ME IN A VICE GRIP I AM NOT OKAY#THIS IS NOT ENJOYMENT THIS IS MY BRAIN GOING ASUHDNJHGJSHMAIKJDGMDKJMAKSDFKMLJSMGKJKJSMLKJSDHGKMJSHFLKADDKSGJMLSKJGSKHLGJM#like I am going to eat my own LIMBS he is giving me MENTAL ILLNESS I DIDNT KNOW I HAD IN ME#I AM CAPTIVATED BY HIS SWAGLESS LOOKS AND CRINGEFAIL PERSONALITY HE IS EATING MY BRAIN#he is going to give me HEART PALPITATIONS.#I need to kill him. violently. but also give him a hug. but first kill him violently.#hE'S JUST LIKE ME FR AND IT IS TELLING ME THINGS ABOUT MYSELF I DIDNT WANT TO KNOW#I've never wanted to strange someone so badly before and that's saying a lot.#LIKE I LOVE HIM. BUT I ALSO DESPISE HIM WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING I NEED HIM TO BE DEAD.#BUT I LOVE HIM I need him to get cuddles :(#but also I need to stab him repeatedly.#I need him and his boyfriend to be happy but I also need them to kill each other.#WHEN IM PLAYING WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS LIKE FUCKED UP BARBIES I DIDNT THINK THEYD START FIGHTING BACK#if any of my irl friends see this I promise I'm so stable and I'm so normal and I'll shut up about him. but like only irl.#I HAVE NOT HAD BRAINROT THIS BAD SINCE I FIRST DISCOVERED FSA AND LOZ.#this might be WORSE. THIS FEELS WORSE.#this might force me to WRITE AGAIN.#hhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#IM GOING TO BITE SOMETHING. HARD.#really glad I stalled on getting into this fandom for three years I don't think I could've handled the level of ALL CONSUMING DISEASE#that this man has inflicted upon me.#ahem#anyways#raven rambles
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